#i made the mistake of looking at the current results and i am angry and scared

[volixia669]

Everyone who cast a vote for Trump? I hate you.

Anyone I know who cast a vote for Trump? As soon as I find out, I am never speaking to you again.

You refused to listen to reason, to listen to those BEGGING you to see the growing fascism, to see the humanity in others. Why should others have to suffer the consequences of your actions?

And every person in power who refused to prevent this, who refused to do ANYTHING to keep Trump from even getting to this point? Go to fucking hell. You're the ones who let a cult leader run for president.

[favefandomimagines]

my tears ricochet (j.t.)

Summary: after years of being at odds with Jamie Tartt, it takes one moment for the walls to come crumbling down

SHE'S BACK BITCHES you can thank Ted Lasso for the inspiration because I just couldn't watch the show and not write anything for Jamie Tartt

AN: angsty fluff is my go to so what better way to make a comeback than my usual. inspired by the scene where Jamie's dad comes into the locker room after the Man City match

"Jamie, why are you doing this?" You questioned your boyfriend of two years. He had just told you he was breaking up with you, completely out of the blue.

"If i'm going to go pro I can't have things from my past weighing me down. Not if I want to be the best." He said. You were stunned at his words.

Did he really believe that? Did he really believe you would weigh him down? "No, no, this isn't you. This is your dad talking. You promised me you would never hurt me, not like this." You replied.

"I lied then. We were kidding ourselves if we thought this would last after school. We're just kids, this was never going to be anything serious." Jamie rebutted. You scoffed at his words. You didn't want to believe that Jamie would actually feel that way.

"It was serious to me. It was serious to you three months ago when you said you wanted me by your side for as long as I'd have you." You replied. "I told you what you wanted to hear." Jamie said simply.

That was the figurative dagger in your back. You had to stop yourself from doing anything you'd regret in the morning. That being punching Jamie in the nose and dealing with the consequences of a fractured hand.

"Go then." You said through tears. "Y/N," Jamie started. "You want to go? Then go. But don't expect me to answer when you call." You snapped, slamming the door in his face.

That fight was four years ago and yet it still plagued your nightmares. The hurtful things Jamie said to you still playing through your head whenever you were ready to move on officially.

Sure you dated guys here and there, but the second you felt that it could become serious, hearing Jamie say he told you what you wanted to hear played on a loop.

You were angry he still had that much control over you. And your current occupation didn't help either. You had just started as the athletic trainer for AFC Richmond. Which meant you saw Jamie on a daily basis.

He tried to start a conversation with you, try to make up for the things he did but you never gave him the time of day.

It was your first official month at AFC Richmond and you had succeeded at avoiding Jamie at all costs. You'd either be busy, gone home early, or simply said no. All resulting in one of the other physios treating him.

He knew what you were doing. So that's why he had to corner you in the treatment room to even get face time with you. He walked into the room and closed the door, standing in front of it so you couldn't leave.

“What the hell are you doing?" You questioned. "You won't talk to me." Jamie answered. "Did you ever think that I had a very good reason for not wanting to talk to you?" You asked. "Y/N, Jamie started.

"You don't get to do this. You don't get to trap me in here and force me to talk to you. You made this decision and now you have to live with it. You can't just come back into my life like you didn't break my heart." You said with an eerily calm tone.

"That's not who I am anymore." Jamie said. "Well the person you are now, has to pay for the mistake of the person you were." You said.

You looked at him, signaling him to step aside so you could leave. the two of you just started at each other for a moment and it took everything in your power not to fold and fall into his arms.

But eventually he did move, letting you walk through the door. Jamie didn't have many regrets in his life but doing what he did to you was by far the worst thing and his biggest regret.

The night he broke up with you, Jamie let his dad get into his head, saying all of these things about how you'll bring him down. He can't go pro with a girlfriend from home. He'll get bored of you anyway, so he should just cut you loose.

Jamie didn't know why he listened to his father in the first place. His mother had told him that you would be the thing that grounded him when he finally had his big break.

He didn't have you, and he turned into a huge prick. And that day you were right, he was paying for the mistakes that version of himself made.

__

The match against Man City at Wembley did not have the outcome everyone wanted. Richmond lost and no one was feeling good about it.

You were packing up heat packs and resistance bands when the locker room door opened.

"Uh, Mr. Tartt? You have a visitor. Says he's your father." The security man said.

Instinctually, Jamie and you locked eyes, you gave your head a slight shake. Telling Jamie that seeing his father was the last thing he needed.

Jamie sighed before giving the man permission to bring him in. You despised Jamie's father. You always hated how the man treated his son and you hated how Jamie just sat their and took it.

Now, Jamie was allowing this man to kick him while he's already down.

"Hey, it's a tough one lads, it's tough one. But no shame to it, because you know we only ever beat everybody we play." Jamie's father laughed.

"You pups had no chance. And there he is, my son. My own flesh and blood. Poor Jamie, my son. Now, maybe I'm thinking, his heart's still in Manchester and that's why he missed that sitter in the first half. You absolutely balled it. You balled it. What were you thinking? I'm only kidding." James continued.

You tensed when he started shoving Jamie slightly. You weren't close enough to hear what was said, only hearing Jamie say "don't speak to me like that."

It all escalated so quickly after that. James turned around and began yelling at the team, shouting that they were amateurs. Jamie turned away from his father and James pushed him harshly.

Jamie turned back around and punched his father in the nose, hard enough to send him to the ground.

Before James could retaliate against Jamie, Coach Beard picked him up and escorted him outside.

For a second, nobody moved. It felt like everyone stopped breathing, just staring at Jamie. You included. You could see it on his face, he was about to break.

Roy started to move but you beat him to it. You wrapped your arms around Jamie and he was taken aback at first. But then he grabbed onto you tightly and cried into your shoulder.

"You're okay, I got you." You whispered to him. In response his hold around you only got tighter, like he was afraid you'd evaporate in his arms.

It wasn't the first time you had to comfort Jamie after run ins with his father. When he was playing football for the school team, his dad got on him about everything.

There were many nights where Jamie would sneak into your bedroom because he just felt better with you. You made things feel better, even if only for a moment.

After a few seconds of just holding him, he pulled away from you and neither of you had noticed the team dispersed.

"The team is probably waiting for you on the bus." You said, breaking the silence. "Yeah, yeah. You're right." Jamie replied. "I'll see you on the bus, Jamie." You told him as you grabbed your bag of supplies.

For the third time, he watched you walk away from him. But this time was different. Even after what he did, you were still there for him after his dad barged in.

That night, after you had driven home, got in your pajamas and sat on your sofa with a glass of wine, the last thing you'd expect was to have someone knock at your door.

And hell probably froze over because Jamie was standing on your doorstep.

"Jamie?" You questioned. "Can we talk? Please?" He asked, almost pleaded. You blamed your fatigue on you giving in so quickly, but you let him inside nonetheless.

"I let you down. That night at your house, I let you down." He spoke. "I-I let me dad control me and I did the last thing I ever wanted to do. You meant the world to me and I let you go. I'm sorry, Y/N." He added.

You didn't really know what to say to him after that. So you just took his hand and brought him to the sofa, where he sat down next to you.

"What you did really hurt me. I thought I did something wrong, like I didn't make you happy anymore. I tried to move on, I went on a few dates but every time I thought you were in the past, I just kept hearing what you said to me that night." You said.

"You didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve any of that." Jamie replied. "You're right. I didn't deserve any of that. But that's not who you are anymore, is it?" You asked.

"The Jamie I knew, the Jamie you were, would have never stuck up to your dad the way you did. I never understood why but I always supported you. But the Jamie you are now, you stuck up for yourself. You didn't let him bully you and I'm really, really proud of you." You continued.

"But you said-" He started. "I know what I said. I know I said that you had to pay for those mistakes. I was wrong." You interrupted.

"I love you, Y/N. I don't think I ever stopped loving you even though I definitely tried." Jamie confessed. "How about this? We start over. Let me get to know the new Jamie." You said.

A smile formed on Jamie's face as he held out his hand. "Hi, I'm Jamie." He said. You laughed lightly as you took his hand. "I'm Y/N." You replied, shaking his hand. "Would you like to go on a date with me?" Jamie asked.

"Yes, yes I would." You said.

And you did go on the date with Jamie. You learned who this new Jamie really was. He was kind, caring, still cocky as ever but he cared about others.

He had best friends in, Sam, Isaac and even Roy though he didn’t really phrase it like that. Jamie stopped letting the opinions of the world define him and only the opinions of those he loved and valued.

You felt incredibly proud of Jamie and this new person he had become and this Jamie was the one you fell in love with.

[kanbockoida]

Third time’s the charm

Adam x fem!Reader x Lucifer

Warnings: none<3

Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

Masterlist

Arriving home, the couple had two very different moods. Adam had a smug look on his face, chest swelling with pride. He felt as if he had won the entirety of this petty fight. “The nerve of that guy, am I right?” Adam scoffed, turning to look at his wife with that very same, smug expression.

He was expecting her to be happy, since he practically just saved her from Lucifer’s advances. However, the sight he was met with was not a pretty one. His wife wore a nasty glare on her face, arms crossed over her chest as she stared right into his eyes. “Care to tell me what that was about?” Y/N forced out her words as nicely as she could, yet a hint of anger was still heard. Adam only stared at the woman with a confused expression, clearly not understanding what his wife was hinting at.

“What do you mean? The meeting went fine, did it not?” He hummed, dismissing his wife’s concerns as he took off his mask, placing it on its usual spot in their home. Y/N’s face reddened in anger, hands clenching to regulate it. “The thing you said? ‘I swear on my wife’?” She spat at him. Y/N has never been this angry before. Her husband only blinked, staring at her like a deer in headlights.

He really didn’t have a clue..

Suddenly, it seemed like it clicked for him. However, he seemed extremely defensive. “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this. It was a joke, there’s nothing wrong with trying to joke around. You’re my wife, not his.” He shrugged, simply walking past her, upstairs to their shared bedroom. The shorter woman stormed after him, eyebrows still furrowed. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Are you even aware of the severity of that situation, Adam? You swore on me! You made a deal with Lucifer.” Word after word poured out of her mouth, trying to make Adam see that he was wrong, that he had messed up big time.

Adam spun around, cutting his wife off with a sharp glare, crossing his arms over his chest. “God, don’t make a scene out of this! It was a joke. I’m sure nothing bad is going to happen!” Never had he ever raised his voice at his wife, but the trauma he suffered because of his ex-wives caused him to act irrationally, even though his current wife gave him no reason to not trust her.

His hard-headedness made her snap in a way. He was selfish for only thinking of himself during this whole interaction and the situation itself. What about her? Does she mean nothing to him?

“You’re a spineless coward, Adam! You sold me off to Lucifer with those words you said earlier! You’ve condemned me to an eternity of torment if you even make a slight mistake during the next extermination! I thought we trusted each other more than anything, did my love mean nothing to you?! I curse the day I was created for you, you despicable excuse of a husband!” Her words stung like sharp knives, stabbing into his heart with precision over and over again. For the first time in forever, the first man was silent. Usually, he always had something to say, especially at a time like this to protect his ego from being bruised. Now?

He’d even go as far as saying his wife was right.

“Little flower, I-” He was immediately cut off by Y/N, not having any of it. “You do not have the right to be calling me that now.” She scowled, sending him one last, nasty glare before retreating into their shared bedroom. Adam wasn’t expecting a simple meeting to result in him fighting with his wife. Alarm bells immediately went off in his brain when he saw his wife angrily stuffing clothes into a bag. Shit, was she actually leaving him?

A panicked expression made its way onto the man’s face as he rushed towards his wife worriedly, trying to take her hands in his, yet to no avail. “Honey- what are you doing? Please don’t do what I think you’re doing!” His voice was wavering, his entire body seemingly filling up with dread. He was afraid. Afraid of his beloved leaving him. Afraid of his past repeating itself once more.

The woman stopped for a moment, a sigh leaving her body. She was an idiot. An idiot for loving that buffoon of a man. She zipped up her bag, turning to look at Adam with an almost emotionless face. Deep inside, she felt the same pain her husband felt.

Their hearts were still one and the same, after all.

“I’m not leaving you. I just need some.. space. I love you so much Adam, but this whole situation is really getting to me.” She might love him, but she still needed space. Lightly throwing the bag over her shoulder, the angel straightened her posture. “I’ll see you, Adam.”

Y/N looked at her husband, her eyes being the only thing showing emotion were her eyes. With a now dejected expression, Y/N quickly walked past her beloved. She couldn’t bear looking into his eyes. Whenever they had a little quarrel, Adam always used his eyes to his advantage.

Adam stared after his wife, feeling as if he had lost everything in such a short amount of time.

In the entirety of Heaven, Y/N only had one true friend, which just so happened to be the head Seraphim. Sera took her in without a second thought, tending to her broken heart, listening to all her worries and problems.

“Come, now. You will be fine, I am sure of it. You and Adam are one. He might not be the sharpest tool in the shed in serious situations, but now that he realized his mistake, I’m sure he will be extra careful during the exterminations.” Sera always managed to calm Y/N down, the motherly tone in her voice being the main cause of that. The heartbroken woman sighed, pulling her wings further around her body to make it look like she was hiding in a cocoon. “I know, Sera.. but that doesn’t change the fact that he did it.” Whined Y/N, a soft groan of frustration leaving her right after. Sera gave a small yet sad smile, feeling the woman’s pain. Putting a hand on her back, the head Seraphim tried her best to be a supportive friend. She was aware that Y/N hasn’t felt strong emotions like these before, since there never was a reason to feel like this.

A few days had passed ever since Adam’s and Y/N’s fight, and the angel has been staying with Sera. Even though she has been feeling horrible, Y/N still decided to work, maybe more than usual. Sera had informed her about yet another small meeting with the King of Hell who requested to discuss the numbers in small detail. Y/N was a little surprised, yet of course she agreed to it. In her eyes, Lucifer had the right to know the exact numbers. Gathering everything, the woman hummed a calm tune. There were a lot of documents that reached back many, many centuries.

Arriving at the same place as last time, Y/N took a seat somewhere near where Lucifer sat last time so they could review the documents better. To her however, it was quite weird that the Morningstar had requested this meeting.. Doesn’t he have access to these numbers as well, since it’s Sinners that are getting killed? The woman shrugged, dismissing that thought immediately. There has to be more to it, she was so sure of it.

After a few moments of waiting silently, the huge doors to the room swung open, revealing the very man she was expecting to see, dressed in the same suit as last time. Their eyes met, the familiar feeling enveloping their hearts, just like last time. It felt.. fulfilling, but neither of them could figure out how to properly explain that feeling. “Your Majesty, it’s a pleasure to see you again!” Y/N sent him a tiny smile, her mood lifting just a bit. Lucifer’s smile was genuine, even if it seemed.. distraught. “Please, I told you last time Lucifer is just fine. I assume you are aware why I asked Sera to send you?” The question rolled off his tongue so smoothly, the nervousness he had seemingly disappearing in the blink of an eye.

The angel blinked a couple of times, trying to process his quick question. When her brain processed it appropriately, she nodded her head. “I received the information that you wanted to discuss the numbers of past exterminations, correct?” The woman asked, head tilting to the side as a force of habit. Lucifer let out a nervous laugh once more, trying to figure out what he should say next. “Well! Technically it’s.. worse?” He shrugged, eyes darting everywhere around the room. His reaction made her freeze, confusion clouding her brain in an instant. What did he mean with worse? Y/N’s gaze spoke louder than a thousand words, Lucifer going on to explain what he meant. “Has Adam told you.. anything at all?” Asked the Morningstar, to which the woman slowly shook her head, feeling her hands getting clammy. What could he be hinting at?

“He’s moving up the extermination, as discussed with Sera. I noticed you weren’t present during the meeting, so my first guess was that you.. weren’t let in on the plan?” With every word, Y/N’s heart dropped further. Why would Adam go behind her back like this? And Sera? She couldn’t believe her ears. Her husband kept a secret this big? “They.. what? What do you mean they moved up the extermination?” A panicked expression formed on her face, staring at Lucifer as if demanding answers.

“What I mean is the next extermination is in six months, and I thought I’d let you know just in case. Judging by your reaction I take it you had no idea.” Lucifer seemed.. worried. But in Y/N’s panicked state she didn’t realize it.

“No! I had no idea!” Her voice sounded terrified and angry all at the same time, not understanding what was going on. The angel’s mind seemed.. scrambled.

Betrayal, sharp and biting, pierced through the serenity of her celestial being, leaving behind a hollow ache where trust once resided. Each word felt similar to a haunting melody of deception that shattered the harmonious symphony of their union. In her eyes, once pools of boundless trust and compassion, now flickered a tempest of sorrow and disbelief. Deep inside Y/N felt as if she had no right to be feeling this way. No matter how hard she tried to make it stop, it failed.

For an angel, whose essence was woven from purity and truth, this revelation was a dagger plunged deep into the core of her being, leaving behind only the ruins of a love once cherished, now tarnished by the stain of betrayal.

In the aftermath of the revelation, the angel's wings, once radiant with celestial light, now drooped with the weight of her sorrow, their majestic feathers dulled by the shadows of betrayal. Her celestial grace faltered, stumbling amidst the ruins of her shattered trust, each step heavy with the burden of disbelief and anguish. Slowly, the woman turned her head to look at Lucifer, and the look in her eyes reminded him of himself.

Despair. Anguish. This was the only way he could describe this. He felt horrible for laying this on her, but she had a right to know, as it was her husband creating plans behind her back without even thinking of telling her. The last time he had seen her, which wasn’t even two weeks prior, her eyes were so full of life and joy. He felt as if he were to blame for taking it aways, being the bearer of bad news in this situation.

A new thought quickly nested itself into Lucifer’s mind..

Why was he even telling her this?

[jackoshadows]

The level of utterly hypocritical discourse in the asoiaf fandom.

About Sansa:

Same person about Robb and Jon:

Same person about Dany:

I simply love how there are these multipage essays and economic treatises on how Robb, Jon, Dany Et al. fuck up and fumble and are just bad leaders who don't enforce wage regulations and clause three of the constitution in worker's rights or plan army discipline and Jon is apparently just an 'angry teenager' unfit for leadership etc.

But Sansa? QUEEN IN THE NORTH because she's the blood of Winterfell! ITS WHAT SHE DESERVES NARRATIVELY.

And Sansa, who is currently 13, should be queen because the narrative says so! When, according to the same person, 16 year olds Jon and Robb fuck up as they are too young to be good rulers as per the same narrative that tells them that Sansa will be Queen...

That's what the narrative is telling us - that characters can become the best rulers/leaders simply because of their blood and has nothing to do with experience and learning and wisdom and hey look at Dany, Robb and Jon fucking up when Sansa will magically, simply be the best - the NARRATIVE SAYS SO!

Meanwhile GRRM on ruling:

One thing that I am trying to get at in the books, the political aspect if you would, is to kind of show that this stuff is hard. I think that an awful lot of fantasy and even some great fantasy falls under the mistake of assuming that a good man would be a good king and all that is necessary is to be a decent human being and then when you are king everything will go swimmingly. Tolkien is great but we never get into the nitty gritty of Aragorn ruling. What is his tax policy? How does he feel about crop rotation? How does he handle land disputes between two nobles, both of whom think that they should have the village, so they burn it down to establish their claim. This is the hard part of ruling be it in the middle ages or now. It’s not enough to be a good man to be an effective ruler. It’s complicated and it’s hard and I wanted to show that with repeated examples in my books with my kings and hand of the kings - the prime minister if you would - trying to rule. And whether it be Ned Stark or Tyrion Lannister or Tywin Lannister or Daenerys Targaryen or Cersei Lannister trying to deal with the real challenges that affect anyone trying to rule the 7K or even a city like Meereen and it’s hard. You know, we can all read the books or read history and say oh, so and so was stupid and made a lot of mistakes and look at all these stupid mistakes they make. But these kind of mistakes are always much more apparent in hind sight than when you are actually faced with the decision about, oh my God, what would I do in this situation. How do I resolve this thing? Do I do the moral thing? But what about  the political consequences of the moral thing? Do I do the pragmatic, cynical thing and kind of screw the people who are screwed by it? I mean, it is HARD. And I want to get to all of that - GRRM

Apparently, when it comes to Sansa, GRRM will be saying:

" I mean, it (ruling) is EASY. The food conundrums that Jon and Dany are unable to solve in entire books will be easily tackled by Sansa who will just ask everyone to bring their grain to Winterfell! Easy peasy and one and done! I mean, Sansa is the BLOOD OF WINTERFELL! "

These chucklefucks don't know the first thing about narratives and themes. The result of GRRM not writing a book in 13 years is wading through shite like this.

[bi-bard]

Taylor Swift Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Evan "Buck" Buckley - Evan "Buck" Buckley Imagine [9-1-1]

Title: Taylor Swift Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Evan "Buck" Buckley

Pairing: Evan "Buck" Buckley X Reader

Word Count: 1,556 words

Warning(s): mention of bad parents/past heartbreak

Author's Note: I had a chunk of this written before I decided to write this in the format that it's currently in. You can find that under 'Lover'.

**Not intentionally written in chronological order**

-------------------

Lover

We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January This is our place, we make the rules And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

Buck and I moving in together was a big move.

A move that he and I had both spent our fair share of time worrying about.

However, it seemed like every person seemed convinced that it was always a question of when and not if.

I only truly agreed when I placed the last of our stuff down on the floor of our new place. I looked over at Buck, standing in the kitchen area, surrounded by a variety of boxes and it all clicked.

This was it.

This was exactly what I wanted. What I needed.

Almost as soon as we were unpacked, there were plans for a housewarming party. I spent the whole day before making sure that everything was ready while Buck was on his shift.

And then, that morning happened.

I woke up after Buck.

He had his arm wrapped around my torso. He was almost laying on me when I woke up enough to properly look at him.

"Morning," I said, grinning at how he was already staring at me.

"Morning," he replied, leaning forward to press his lips to mine. "Ready for today?"

"Doesn't feel like it," I admitted. "It all still feels a little surreal."

He nodded as he leaned closer to me. "Tell me about it."

"I have an idea," I muttered as Buck hid his face in my neck.

"What is that," he asked.

"We cancel..."

He started chuckling immediately. I started chuckling too, but I tried to keep talking.

"Hear me out! We cancel the party and spend the day in bed," I explained. "I am prepared to make it worth your while."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Is that right?"

The tone in his voice immediately let me know that I had made a very poor choice in my wording. "I have made a mistake... I didn't mean... I meant that I was going to make those pancakes that you like."

"Oh," he mumbled. "Yeah, I completely misread that."

"I kinda figured that one out," I replied.

There was a long pause before Buck spoke up again, "We can't just cancel-"

"Why not," I whined, tilting my head back like a grumpy child.

"Because you went through all that work yesterday," he leaned to peck my lips between every few words, "with the cooking... and cleaning... and unpacking... what kind of partner... would I be... if I let you... not see the result of efforts?"

"You can't just kiss me as a distraction so you get your way," I muttered.

"Oh, it's not me getting my way," he chuckled. "I would never choose a party over spending all day in bed with you. I am saving us the consequences of us canceling last minute."

"Is there someone that would be angry?"

"There are many people who would never let me hear the end of it."

I slowly nodded. "Fine."

"Good."

"You're making the bed this morning. I earned the first shower."

"Deal," he leaned down and kissed me gently. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," I said as my fingers found their place in the hair on the back of his head.

I could imagine spending forever just like this.

long story short

Pushed from the precipice Clung to the nearest lips Long story short, it was the wrong guy Now I'm all about you

I had never been in a place as tense as my car when I pulled up to Buck's place.

Neither one of us made an effort to move or speak or anything. We both sat in silence, existing uncomfortably.

It had been that way through the whole drive.

Buck's parents had insisted on meeting me. I knew about them. I knew everything about them. Buck had told me everything in a hushed voice as we laid in bed together. I don't think I had held him as tightly as I did on the first night that he started to truly open up to me.

When they had made their "offer", which was more like a demand than anything else, I told Buck that I would take his lead. If he didn't want to meet with them, then that would be fine with me. I had no interest in forcing anything.

He decided to try. In the end, we all want our parents to accept and love us. Even when we know that they aren't capable of it.

It took me a while to finally take a deep breath and speak up, "We don't need to talk about it if you don't want to. But, I need you to know-"

"I get it," he cut me off. I furrowed my eyebrows. He looked at me. "After hearing it all from them, you're realizing that all of this was a mistake. I get it."

"That's not what I was going to say at all," I replied. "I was going to say that we don't have to talk about it, but I need you to know that I am here. I... I don't care about what those people had to say. At all. Because I trust you."

He looked away again, jaw clenched.

I reached over and turned his face back to mine. My heart broke at the sight of tears filling his eyes. "You have never given me one reason to not completely trust you. I think you're amazing, Buck. I can see who you became despite those people and whatever else has happened in your past. I see a man who is so unbelievably kind and loving and has made me feel more special than I ever thought that I deserved."

I caught one of his tears with my thumb.

I took another deep breath, "I love you, Buck. I really fucking love you and I will continue repeating it as many times as you want to hear it."

I hadn't said it out loud yet. But I thought about it every day. Every time I woke up next to him or when he texted me or when he would look at me with that smug grin on his face. I had known that I loved him long before I could force the words off of my tongue.

He reached up and grabbed my hand, moving to kiss my palm. I grinned at him.

"I love you too," he muttered.

I leaned over the center console and pressed my lips to his.

He was truly everything to me. And I had no plans to let him go. No matter what.

Begin Again

And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did I've been spending the last eight months Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end But on a Wednesday in a café, I watched it begin again

I had met Buck a few times before we ended up going to dinner together.

I wish I knew who encouraged him to ask me out. I really wanted to thank them.

I expected it to be awkward when we first sat down, but it wasn't. It was like our conversation was on autopilot. Talking with Buck was just so natural.

We laughed and told stories like we had done it a million times before.

It was a connection that I had longed for throughout so much of my life. It all felt like a Disney movie. It may not have been love at first sight, but it was close.

In the middle of our conversation, I caught Buck seeming kind of lost in thought. He was just kind of staring at me.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Are you okay?"

Buck blinked a few times. "Uh, yeah, yeah."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, sorry," he chuckled, looking down for a moment.

We continued our conversation like the moment hadn't happened. I couldn't stop thinking about it. The look alone had made me nervous. Not in an uncomfortable way, but in a way that made me realize that this date may have been a bigger moment than I would ever fully know.

I didn't see that same look on Buck's face until much later that night. We were walking back to my car. I had started rambling about something that my parents used to do all the time.

I noticed the look when I turned to look at him as we made it to my car.

My words stopped as I felt my face warming up. "Sorry, I... I kind of started rambling there."

He blinked a few times just like he had earlier. "No, no... it's... it's fine."

"Okay," I mumbled. "Um, well, this is my car. Maybe we could do this again?"

"Yeah, I'd... I'd like that," he replied.

"Good," I replied.

There was a small pause before I leaned over and kissed Buck's cheek.

"Goodnight, Buck," I grinned before going around to get in my car.

"Goodnight," I heard him say as I stepped away.

I would have given anything to understand how important that night was going to be in the long run.

-------------------

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[ikamigami]

I think the most frustrating thing for me about both Moon and Nexus, or Moons in general if we are speaking multiverse-wide, is that the whole "Moons will always hurt people" isn't inevitable like he and most others think, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, one that Moon, Nexus, and presumably other Moons in the multiverse keep letting themselves feed and fall into, when it could be changed, because if you track their behavior, much of it has roots in the same core flaws that if Moon(and Nexus) made some real effort to fix, and maintain, to genuinely improve themselves, they'd destroy that "Moons will always hurt people" prophecy for good

There is a concept from God of War Ragnarök that I think applies here(SPOILERS AHEAD)

The game asserts that Fate and Destiny are not the result of some divine plan or curse, but rather it is the inevitable outcome of where one's character and behavior will take them, how the react to each scenario is predictable as they always react that way based on their experiences and flaws, that fate is where you will go if you keep acting as you are, that if you do not change, your fate is immutable and inevitable, because you CHOSE to act and react that way, and to break the fate that your current self will lead you to, you must change who you are and how you act

Both versions of Moon seem to be fated to always hurt Sun even when trying to help, but what both fail to realize is that that is not because they are doomed to be this way, that they can't help it, but because they keep repeating the same patterns of behavior that get Sun hurt in the first place, and after hurting Sun they do not change, they don't learn from their mistakes, they do the same thing again as if it will produce a different result, they might try to be nicer, but without changing the core of the problem, the fundamental, selfish and destructive flaws in their character that lead to them hurt people, small changes are only going to stall the "inevitable" conclusion because you cannot apply duct tape over a crack in a dam, it doesn't matter if they have good intentions if they let those flaws manifest in the execution and the result is more pain for everyone

And we are already starting to see what changing those core flaws could look like, look at how much good Nexus had done Sun initially by just being a decent person, by not constantly threatening or insulting Sun(after Earth told him to stop making the bipolar/schizophrenic jokes while Sun was grieving because that was already insensitive if you weren't adding the soul-crushing grief and guilt Sun was suffering through on top of it) and being a safe person, how he listened to Sun when Sun admitted to having hallucinations and didn't insult or diminish him(like Moon used to) and then tried to talk him through it, and outside Sun, look at how close Nexus and Earth were, how vulnerable and supportive they were of one another, how Nexus made Solar feel welcome and gave Solar a home after his own became dangerous to him and offered no judgement despite Solar being an Eclipse(this is ignoring the fact that he destroyed most of the good he had done when he chose to betray and disown them all), and look at how now Moon is trying to not keep secrets, keeping Sun in the loop and asking for his opinions, actually respecting Sun's choices, and most of all, when he comforted Sun about July 16th, there was no selfishness, making it about himself for ONCE, no trying to deny that July 16th was partially his fault, there was simply comfort, validation, concern, and consideration, and look at the good it did for Sun! Sun is actually starting to HEAL from July 16th after that wound kept getting torn open and was left to fester for two years

I am still angry it took Moon(not Nexus, original Moon) this long to actually comfort Sun like this, properly, I think this is the first time there was nothing backhanded from him whatsoever, and also why did it take this long for Sun to be comforted and allowed to process July 16th in a safe environment? Why hadn't that happened immediately after that horrifying day, when Sun was receiving widespread public blame for something that wasn't his fault(and Moon knew that) along with the unimaginable grief and horror of seeing who were basically like his own surrogate children brutally murdered on the Daycare floor in the blink of an eye? Why did Moon have to make it exponentially worse by gaslighting Sun into thinking it was his fault(along with Eclipse doing the same thing)? But better late than never I suppose

My ultimate conclusion is this, and this is a famous saying and I know it is cheesy, but: If nothing changes, nothing changes, if you always do what you always did you'll always get what you always got, if Moon wants to not "be the monster", he must stop pitying himself and break the cycle, only he can, and as we've seen, he CAN actually do it, Nexus did before he decided to destroy it all, and Moon is trying now, he can do better, neither are doomed, it's just a matter of doing good and STAYING that way(of course that doesn't mean they can't have negative moments, but Nexus went far beyond what was right)

Moon and Nexus don't have to be a super-genius, they don't have to be the hero, the savior, they don't have to be this great thing, they never had to be, they just have to communicate, be decent to their brother, that's all Sun ever needed, all he ever wanted from them, just to have a brother who won't hurt him, how hard is that really? Now let's see if Nexus will choose to be better, or follow this dark path he decided to walk to its inevitable, terrible conclusion

Thank you dear anon cause this is exactly what I was thinking but I'm not good at wording things in simple and understandable way..

But you did it and I need to thank you for this again cause now I can share it with my followers and other people in this fandom ^^

I don't have anything to add to this because you said everything 👏

[medicbrainrot]

it all feels the same with your eyes closed (deep end, part 1)

A/N: This mini series needs a content warning for suicidal ideation, domestic violence, and excessive alcohol consumption. (I told y’all I was gonna throw some angst at ya.)

Things had been tense around base since the return of Task Force 141 after an unsuccessful mission. Mistakes had been made, resulting in the loss of personnel and vital intel. 

The main core personnel of the Task Force were currently in a meeting, discussing information for an upcoming mission. The meeting was already tense, but it escalated as Simon and Juliana were arguing back and forth about protocols.

“I AM YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER. I’M THE ONE IN CHARGE HERE.” Simon yells at Juliana before backhanding her across the face so hard that she stumbles back.

The room goes silent, shock spreading among everyone as they stare at the couple.

Simon throws a vicious glare at Juliana before spitting out the final piece of the argument. “Get the fuck out of my sight.”

She doesn’t bother to grab her things before sprinting out of the room.

Simon stares at the door she left through for a brief second, before turning to the rest of the room. Tensions were high, but he was trying to remain calm after his outburst. “I’m sorry you had to witness that. I’ll handle this. We’ll continue later.” He says gruffly.

He sighed internally. What was she so upset about anyway? Simon doesn’t like fighting with her, but lately it’s been happening more and more.

“Witness that? Simon, you just hit your girlfriend, not to mention you just assaulted a fellow soldier, IN FRONT OF WITNESSES.” Captain Price roars.

Simon flinches at Price’s reaction, and tries to defend his actions without being rude. “I wouldn’t have hit her without reason. I had to do what I did. It’s not like I’m proud of it. I’ll handle it, and apologize to her personally.”

“Good luck getting her to hold still long enough to do that.” Soap mutters under his breath.

“Soap!” Simon whirls on Johnny, glaring at him intensely. “Are you insinuating what I think you are right now?”

“It depends, sir,” Soap addressed him mockingly. “What is it you think I’m insinuating?”

Simon’s voice became harsh, as he spoke quickly. “I want a straight answer, Soap. Are you implying that she’s going to be so furious, that she’s going to fight me?”

“I’m implying, sir,” Soap mocks again, “That you’ll be hard pressed to even find her and get her to listen long enough for you to say the words ‘I’m sorry’, without her bolting. There’s a reason we call her Bambi.”

Simon sighed, he knew Johnny was right. She would disappear the minute she saw him. He had to do something.

His mind raced, trying to think of a plan. He didn’t know where she’d run off to, he just knew she was angry. Very angry.

“I’ll find her. I’ll make sure she hears me out.” Simon huffs.

“You’d better get this sorted out, and fast Simon. We’re getting deployed again in a few weeks, and we need this team 100% together.” Captain Price says sternly.

Simon nods, still pissed that this even became a fight in the first place. “She’ll come around. I’ll make sure of it.”

He then turns to Johnny and Kyle. “You two keep your mouths shut about this. Especially you, Soap. We don’t need anymore drama. Are we clear?”

Johnny looks him squarely in the eye. “If she wants to fill out a SHARP violation report against you, I’ll happily sign as a witness.”

“Soap…” Simon sighs. He doesn’t want any more trouble. He just needs Juliana to understand her place in the chain of command. He needs her to understand why he did what he did. He can’t afford to lose his job because of one stupid mistake. He needs to not let his temper get the better of him. He needs a break.

He looked at Johnny, then Kyle, then Price, then back at Johnny. “Soap, don’t force me into doing something drastic over this. Understood?”

“What, are you gonna hit me too? Beat me into submission? No wonder Bambi is so banged up all the time.” Johnny spits venomously. 

Simon growls angrily. He was already on edge, and now this? He had a serious urge to hit something, but he held it in.

“You think it’s funny, making jokes about this?” He clenches his fists, setting them down harshly on the table. He lets out a deep breath, trying to get himself under control. “I’m warning you, Soap. For the last time, keep your mouth shut, or I’ll make you. Got it?”

“It’s not a joke, not this time.” Johnny growls. “This had to have escalated from somewhere. You make a regular habit of hitting your girlfriend to get what you want?”

Simon’s mind goes blank. A regular habit of hitting her? A sense of shock went through his system. He didn’t know Johnny could think of him that way.

“Don’t assume you know anything, Soap.” He says coldly. “I don’t go around hitting her all the time. I’ve only done it once. Just this one time. One. Time.”

“That’s what they all say.” Johnny sneers at him.

Simon took a deep breath trying to keep everything under control. He couldn’t believe Johnny was saying all of this.

“Soap, I swear to God, I only hit her this once. It was my fault, but I’ve never done it, and I won’t do it again. You’re only making this worse. We are supposed to be a team. Remember?”

“Yeah. Teammates are supposed to protect each other. They don’t backhand each other during arguments.” Soap retorts.

Simon knew he was in the wrong for hitting Juliana. He felt bad for hitting her, but he felt like he couldn’t admit that in front of Johnny, he was already digging himself in way too deep. 

“I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have done it, you’re right. I let my anger get the best of me. It won’t happen again.”

He stared at the floor while he tried to figure out what to say next.

“Please, let’s just try to work through this. Don’t go around telling anyone else about this.”

“Fine.” Soap scoffs. “I won’t say anything. But if I catch even a hint that something is off, I’ll file the damn SHARP report myself.” Johnny stands up to leave, pausing in the doorway. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she was halfway through writing up a unit transfer request already.”

Simon watched as Johnny left the room. What had he done? How could he let his anger take control of him like that? Would Juliana really file a transfer request because of all this? Would he lose everything over this? And why was Johnny so defensive of her? 

“Damnit.” He muttered. “I really need to talk to her. Now.”

Why had Johnny been so protective of Juliana? What is going on here?

Johnny must have known something Simon didn’t, something he wasn’t telling Simon. But that wasn’t important. He needs to go find Juliana and fix all of this. 

Unless… unless Johnny really does know something. Maybe it will help Simon figure out where it all went wrong.

“Fucking hell.” Simon swore. Johnny might be the only one who might know something about what’s going on, or where Juliana went. As much as he hated the idea, asking Johnny was worth a shot.

He made his way to Johnny’s room, and knocked on the door. He just wanted to talk to the man and hear what he had to say himself. 

Johnny opened the door. “Come to take a shot at another teammate?”

Simon glared at him. “You know what, Soap?” He growled. “Quit your bullshit. I know that you know where Bambi is, and I know you know why she’s mad. So tell me. Now.”

Johnny leveled him with a cool stare. “I don’t know where she is.” He said plainly.

“I don’t believe you. Why were you defending her so much?” Simon asks. He knew there was something happening that he didn’t know about. He could feel it, he just doesn’t know what it’s about. “I need the real reason, Soap.”

“Why wouldn’t I defend her!? I’ve had family go through what she has, and I’m not about to let her go through it alone again.”

‘Had family members go through….’? What the hell? Simon’s eyes widened a bit. When it clicked, Simon was surprised to hear that Johnny had a family history of domestic abuse. He hadn’t realized that that was the reason Johnny defended Juliana so much. 

Johnny thought Simon was abusing her…

“So, you know something about her past, then?” He asks.

Johnny’s eyes widened. “You… you mean she hasn’t told… you?”

Simon frowned. Why hadn’t she told him anything about that part of her past? He was confused.

“No. She didn’t. And now I need to know, Soap. What happened?”

He ran his hands over his balaclava. Maybe this was the reason she got so upset? If this was the case, then he needed to tread very carefully, at least until he figured out more of what was going on. 

“I don’t know the whole story, just bits and pieces, but enough to know that it was bad. Like, really bad. Almost career ending bad.” Johnny explained.

Simon was slightly disturbed by that description. He couldn’t imagine what might have happened for her to be reacting like this. He couldn’t imagine what she had gone through. What did Johnny mean by ‘almost career ending’?

“Can you at least give me some sort of basic idea? Anything, Soap, please.” Simon never pleads, ever, but right now he is. He looked at Johnny, worry and concern evident in his eyes.

“Juliana had gotten into a relationship of sorts with someone on her team, and when the guy got promoted, he outranked her, he became her superior officer.” Johnny begins. “He started getting violent with her behind closed doors, especially whenever she’d disagree with him about missions or protocols.” He pauses. “I know at one point, he hurt Jules so badly she was in the ICU for six days, and she almost got medically discharged from service. That’s when she finally put in for a transfer.”

Simon’s face paled under his mask. His hands shook slightly, but he wasn’t sure if it was from anger at himself or at the guy who hurt Juliana. This was too much for one person to carry alone.

“And… she went through all of that…. Alone? She never said anything to me, ever!” Simon sighed. “I need to find her and make sure she’s okay. I’ve fucked up, and I’m the only one who can fix this.”

Johnny shakes his head. “The only reason she told me was because she overheard me talking on the phone with my sister about a similar issue, and she offered her help. Otherwise, I don’t think she ever would have said anything.”

Simon ran his hands down his face. “So… if she hasn’t told me anything about it… I guess she doesn’t want me to know… Did she ever go into any detail about what happened, or about who this person might be?”

“She never specified, she just said someone from a previous unit. Refused to say when or where.” Johnny explains.

Simon nods. “Alright. Well… thank you for at least telling me this, Soap. I would’ve never known.”

He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t ever noticed something like this. He had always known Juliana as one of the most gentle, kind-hearted people he had met. He would never have dreamt that she had gone through something like this before.

But it also made something clear. Simon could never allow anything like this to happen to her, ever again. He would have to protect Jules - no matter what it took.

Sometimes, the people with the brightest smiles are the ones who have gone through the most oppressive darkness.

“I need to find her. I have to make sure that her past won’t define who she is in the future.” Simon sighs deeply.

“It might already be too late for that, Simon.” Johnny says cautiously. 

“Do not tell anyone else about this, Johnny. You got that? We can’t have rumors spreading around right now. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.” Johnny rolls his eyes.

“Good. I appreciate it.” Simon turns to leave, and makes his way across the base, going through different areas in search of Juliana. “God damnit” He swears. “Where in the hell is she?”

A/N: Thanks for reading! Likes, reblogs, and feedback are appreciated!

Masterlist

[aeoki]

SHINSEKAI - Empire of Fantasy: Chapter 1

Location: ES Idol Exclusive Inn  Characters: Mika

< The next morning in the Tohoku region. ES idol exclusive traditional inn, “Valkyrie’s” room. >

Mika: Nghaaaaahh…♪

(Ahh~ It’s been a while since I last slept this well.)

(I’ve had to make preparations for “SS” and make the outfits, so I’ve been pullin’ all-nighters the past few nights to work on them.)

(My head’s been foggy ‘cause of my lack of sleep and I can’t get my brain to think about the difficult stuff, so that’s not good.)

(That’s normal for “Valkyrie”... As long as I listen to what Oshi-san tells me to do, then our performance should go without a hitch.)

Woah!? Did I just say that out loud?

I didn’t, right? Thank goodness, that was close ♪

(Ahaha. The “order” I was given felt like it was implyin’ I shouldn’t call Oshi-san “Oshi-san” for the duration of the Qualifying Rounds.)

(I don’t get what that “order” means, though. It’s already a habit and I end up doin’ it like I’m breathin’, so it’s hard not to…)

(It slipped out several times yesterday and Oshi-san got angry at me.)

(Wait, I should be careful not to call him “Oshi-san” in my head too.)

(We’ve been sent out to the Tohoku region for the Qualifyin’ Rounds.)

(Since we dominated the “Championship Match” yesterday, it meant that “Valkyrie” won the Qualifyin’ Round.)

(Only one unit can win the Qualifyin’ Round in the Tohoku region, so that means Tsumu-chan-senpai and his unit, “Switch”, didn’t make it and that’s a bit sad, though.)

(They approached us and said they didn’t want to spend an entire month on the Qualifyin’ Round, so we should quickly decide the winner and then do whatever we want afterwards.)

(It might not be right of me to say they reap what they sow, but they should be fine with how things turned out too. That goes the same for the other idols who took part in the “Championship Match”.)

(But the “Championship Match” is somethin’ we did on our own that the administration committee basically ignored.)

(There’s a rule where the other units have to pay the winner all their current and future “SSL$” if they win.)

(The idols in the Tohoku region discussed things together and just made that sort of contract between themselves.)

(Of course, if you gain that large amount of “SSL$”, you’ve basically won already, but it’s still unofficial…)

(In reality, it doesn’t guarantee that we’ve actually won the Qualifyin’ Round.)

(That’s why we should be careful. The agenda for “SS” has been completely erased so we can’t let our guard down until they officially announce the winners.)

(The administration committee said they’d fine us if we disobey their “orders”, didn’t they?)

(No matter how much of a profit we made in the “Championship Match” yesterday…)

(If I keep sayin’ “Oshi-san this” and “Oshi-san that” and they fine us, everythin’ would have been for nothin’.)

(Ngh~... Having to think about all this kinda stuff is pretty troublesome. And I’m not good at stuff like that.)

(We don’t get to come to the Tohoku region all the time, so I would have liked to have fun sightseein’, though.)

(I make mistakes easily so it might be kinda scary… Maybe it’s a good idea for me to stay holed up in the inn until the “SS” Qualifyin’ Rounds are all finished.)

(It does feel like a waste and I think I might go crazy with nothin’ to do.)

(Oshi-san looked really happy yesterday. Oshi-san is the type of person to be driven by his regrets or anger, but that’s because he’s really competitive.)

(It’s only natural for him to win and I’m sure he really likes winnin’. I can’t ruin Oshi-san’s happiness and the good result because of me.)

(Which means I should come up with somethin’ new to call “Oshi-san” and make sure I don’t disobey the “order” ♪)

(What should I call him? Onii-chan? Master? S-Shuu-kun…?)

(Ahh, I think a month could easily go by with me just tryin’ to come up with new names to call him…♪)

………!?

(Ngh? Huh? What was that just now!?)

(Am I half-asleep…? I thought I just saw somethin’ weird.)

(What was it? Somethin’ like a fairy…?)

(Hmm, am I still dreamin’? There’s no way a small human the size of your palm could exist in real life.)

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[mysticalrambling]

Ending It All Part 2 (C.E)

A/N: Here you go guys. Much awaited part 2 is here. I am so in love with this particular fan fiction and hope you guys like it. If you want me to write any blurbs related to this series, do let me know.I am open to requests.

._._._._._.

Part 1 

Chris Evans Fan fiction (Fan fiction Masterlist)

Summary: Chris regrets divorcing you and he tries to mend the relationship. However, you have already moved on with Tom Hiddleston and are quite happy. He has to just stand back while you and your children become closer to Tom and it is all his fault.

Warnings: Angst all the way.

._._._._._.

“Coming in?” Chris turned his face towards you with a questioning look in his eyes.

“No, I have some work. Just wanted to drop the kids off myself.” Your ex husband’s house was on your way so you just saved him a trip.

“Not even for coffee, darling?”

“Sorry but I will have to say no.” You still got flustered when he called you with nicknames. You had once decided to tell him to stop calling you with all these terms of endearment but you couldn’t build up the courage to do it.

It has been over a year since your divorce and the moment you think you are over him, he is right there to bring those feelings back. You were a mess when he moved out and you had to see him on the weekends for the kids. It looked like you were drowning and you couldn’t come up for fresh air. It was exhausting but after several months, it didn’t hurt that much. It didn’t feel like your heart was tearing into shreds. You felt numb but that was better than feeling like your heart was being ripped out of your chest.

“That’s fine. See you Sunday?”

These were the only few sentences that were spoken between the two of you since the divorce. This was your new normal and you were starting to adjust to it. “Yeah, bye.”

“Who wants pancakes?” Sighing, he turned around and asked in a fake, cheerful voice. He didn’t get to be disappointed. These were the the seeds that he sow and he had to reap the results.

“I do.” A collective chorus came from the living room as they had already started to play with Dodger. Dodger was adopted from a shelter home about two weeks into the divorce. Loneliness was a destructive force and Chris hadn’t come to that realization until he was sitting in his home at eight, all alone. No laughter, no mess, no companionship. He went out that day and got a new dog. The apartment was eating him alive because it was a reminder of his ‘new life’. More like his ruined life.

“Daddy, you goin’ to be there for my match?” Jace looked up at his father and hoped that he wasn’t going to say no. There have been too many occasions this past year where he was not there for his children like Easter or Mia’s first day of school. He was either too busy with his career or he couldn’t bear to be with his family knowing that he wouldn’t be going home with them. He wasn’t strong enough to handle that truth.

“I’ll be there but I have work afterwards so I can only be there for half time.” The apologetic tone was all too familiar to the kids now so they just stayed quiet.

Chris noticed their disappointed look and continued, “When I get back, we’ll go to Disneyland for the whole weekend.”

“Mommy and Tommy will be going as well?”

Stopping in between making the pancakes, he asked with a venom laced tone, “Tommy who, Jace?”

“Mommy’s new friend. We like him.” Your son continued petting the dog without realizing the damage he is doing to his father. “New friend” was always a code for boyfriend and Chris didn’t know what to do with that information.

He knew that you had gone on a few dates with Tom Hiddleston because of the paparazzi. But he didn’t know that you both were serious. Your kids knew about him so it was pretty damn serious.

“He won’t be going with us.” Speaking with finality, he resumed cooking. You were his and that was not going to change. He knew he was being unfair but when it came to you, he lost all rationality.

“But he is our new dad.” Mia whined from her place and Chris just looked at her with a wounded look. His babygirl was putting someone else in his place.

His voice boomed throughout the house and both the kids looked at him with tears in their widened eyes, “I’m your only dad. Don’t you ever say that.”

“‘m sorry, daddy. Didn’t mean to make you mad.” Her chin wobbled and Chris was quick to realize his mistake. It was not your children’s fault. It was not your fault. It was his fault.

“Not your fault, baby. But you only have one daddy and that’s me.” Kissing her forehead, he wiped the single tear that managed to escape her blue eyes.

“’kay.” The kids got distracted again but Chris did not forget. He was still seething from the inside because Tom may have taken you away from him but he damn well couldn’t take his children.

They all get ice cream afterwards and the kids fall asleep in their rooms that Chris built from scratch. It was a lengthy process because he just kept remembering the times when he decorated their nursery with you. Such a beautiful memory and he was ruining it. The guilt ate him up inside when he realized that he may not get to ever decorate a nursery for your children again. He may not get to expand his family with you again. Again, it was his fault.

“Sorry, ‘m late. Work was hectic today.” Everything was so busy today because your boss signed up a new contract and he has been impossible to work with. You just wanted to go home and sleep for the whole week.

“It’s okay. They’re sleepin’ upstairs. Listen, we need to talk.” He was too consumed by anger and hurt to notice that you were too exhausted for everything.

“Go on.” You urged him, figuring that he might say that he won’t be able to make it to your son’s match. This was what most of your conversations were based on; him saying that he is too busy to be present at occasions related to your children.

“Why are my children referring to your boyfriend as dad?” He nothing but spat that sentence.

“I- I didn’t know about any of this. I’ll talk to them.” Stuttering, you tried to mediate the situation but nothing seemed to get through to him at the moment.

“No need. I already did that but for next time, keep your boyfriends away from my children.”

“Our children and I don’t let anyone near my children. We are serious.” You were offended by his crude tone and you weren’t just going to let him walk all over you.

“You can’t be serious with him. As a matter of fact, you can’t be serious with anyone.” Your ex husband declared it like it was a law. He didn’t know how to react to what you said. All the pain was converted into anger because that was his current form of expression.

“Are you serious?” This was all too much for you to handle. How could he say that?

“Yes. You only belong with me. I regret it so much (Y/N).” Chris’s expressions told you where he was going.

“Oh, stop. You can’t just do that. Can’t come bargin’ in my life and mess it all up again. I am happy.”

Chris reached out his hand but you took a step back. He was not allowed to touch you anymore. “I was mistaken. My career is not above you, darlin’. Never was.”

“You made me feel worthless. You made me feel as if I was the reason our marriage ended. Won’t allow myself to get sucked back into this relationship.”

“I know I broke our family. I tore us apart and didn’t even apologize for it properly. I’m so fucking sorry, baby.” There was a stream of tears running down his face and you wanted to wipe them away but you resisted.

There were still times when you wished that you were still happily married to Chris. That you still had your perfect, little family. The divorce made you feel worthless and lonely. There were times when you couldn’t even look at your children because they were the exact replica of your ex husband. You once adored the fact that they were his carbon copy. However, now you couldn’t help but get angry. How could he leave little pieces of himself behind and think that you could move on with your life.

It was all because you were with another man. He never said all these things when you were alone and you suffered from depression. There were days when you couldn’t get out of bed to get your kids ready for school. You knew that Jace had informed him because he was really worried about you and he always shared his troubling thoughts with Chris. But he didn’t do anything about it. He stayed quiet and you had to pull all the pieces back together yourself. It was all tape and glue. Your ex husband didn’t get to come back and dismantle your progress. You wouldn’t let him.

“You can’t do this. Can’t come back. I am with Tom now so stop trying to fix things that you already broke.” Your face was red with anger and all the energy was drained out of your body.

“Please, just give me a chance.”

“No!” You couldn’t choose Chris again. You had to choose yourself. You chose to think about your needs and your feelings for the first time in seven years. That’s why you agreed to go on a date with Tom. He surpassed your expectations the first time and you knew that he could be your partner. No one could compare to Chris but Tom made his own place in your heart and you were glad about it. You continued on, “Tom is good for me so please don’t ruin my happiness again.”

Tom was great. He was good with the kids and he was slowly becoming an integral part of your life. You still missed Chris because that man was the love of your life for seven years and those feelings can’t just disappear with a single piece of paper. You were glad to have Tom in your life and you knew that as time would pass, you will love him with your whole heart. However, a small part of you would never forget Chris and would always wonder about the what ifs. What if you were still together? What if you had more children? What it you got to grow old together? Broken dreams are what hurts the most.

“I don’t want to be a cause of that. Not again. But I want to make things right.” He unintentionally came closer to you, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. Sorry I wasn’t there for our kids. Sorry that I broke you, baby.”

“A sorry doesn’t fix anything.” His chest was hallowing from inside out but he didn’t want to back down. Not now. Not ever.

“Just answer one question for me. Are you truly happy?” A tremble was prominent in his voice but you tried to ignore it.

“I-I am. For a long time, I wasn’t but I am now.” You spoke with such conviction that he knew you were over him.

You would always love Chris but now it was time for you to move on with your life. It was time to leave the past and delve into the future. Chris would always own a piece of your heart but you are going to allow Tom to have an opportunity as well. You will open your heart again to love. You were sure now.

“Okay. I will get the kids for you.” He backed off like he promised he would. You knew at that moment that it was all over.

Watching you drive away with his kids was heart breaking for him and he just watched helplessly. Chris still wanted to cry, beg and apologize. He wanted you to take him back but it was all his fault. He ruined you once, he couldn’t do it again. He couldn’t interrupt your new life. It doesn’t all revolve around him but he was okay to remain on the sidelines while you enjoy your life. He will be there for you if you needed him.

You are happy and that should be enough for him but he wants to be selfish again. He wants to fight for you but it’s all too late. You were with someone else. He lost his chance.

Wednesday rolled in pretty quickly and Chris dreaded going to the match. You were going to be there with your new boyfriend but he didn’t want to miss his son’s game. He could only be there till half time already so it wouldn’t be that awkward.

“I just wanted to be here for Jace. Won’t cause any problems.” Chris took a seat beside Mia when he saw you shifting uncomfortably. The seat that should have belonged to him was currently being occupied by your boyfriend but Chris just bottled up all his feelings. It was not right to still think of you as his wife.

“It’s okay. Let’s just forget about everything.” You wanted to move on and did not want anything to hold you back.

“Okay. Mia, you want Kit Kat?” Offering her a large chocolate bar, he started talking with his daughter so that he could distract himself from you and Tom.

“What is happening, love?” Tom questioned when he saw that his former co-star did not even glance at him properly.

Chris and Tom were not the best of buds but they were still good acquaintances. He thought that dating you wouldn’t be a problem because Scarlett had informed him that Chris was the one who asked for divorce. However, this situation made him realize that Chris was jealous. He still had feelings for you and Tom didn’t know how to react to that.

“Nothing of importance. Let’s just focus on my baby boy.” Saying that, you cheered for Jace as he made his first goal. He was an exceptional player like his father and you knew that he would pursue football as his career. Jace was really passionate about football. If Chris didn’t become an actor then he would have definitely tried out for football.

There were times when he used to take you to the park so you would play with him. It was your thing. Maybe he had replaced you with someone by now as well but what you didn’t know was that Chris had stopped playing football altogether. Like many things in his life, it reminded him of you and it was just too much to bear.

“You are doing great, buddy.”Jace immediately asked Chris to pick him up as you gave him his Captain America water bottle. It was half time and Chris had to leave for shooting. He was getting late but he couldn’t bring himself to leave.

“Thank you, mommy. Ollie doesn’t listen to me that much so coach is angry at him.” Babbling on, he rested his head on his father’s shoulder.

“Okay, buddy. I have to leave now but I will call you when your game is finished.”

“Won’t be going with us to Chick-fil-A?”

“Uhh-” He cluelessly glanced at you because he didn’t know what his son was talking about.

“I wanted to give him a treat after the match.” Tom butted into the conversation to prove that he was a part of the kid’s lives as well.

Chris could have actually made it to the restaurant because he would be free in an hour tops. However, he decided against it. He had to take a step back for you. Of course, he would be there for his children but Tom should be given a fair chance as well.

“I won’t be able to make it buddy. You enjoy with Mommy and Tom. I’ll take you and Mia to Disneyland this weekend as I promised.”

“Okay, daddy. Love you.”

“Love you too, baby.” Giving him to you, he turned to leave. It was hard for him to do this but it had to be done. Chris wiped his eyes discreetly as he saw you all laughing together. This was his fault and he would have to bear the consequences.

Hope you guys enjoyed it!!

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A/N: This story had me in tears from the very start. I cried when I was writing it. Again, I am open to blurbs for this series and other requests. Tell me if you want to be added to my tag list.

Tag list: @peculiarpenman, @kalopsia-flaneur, @justile, @iguessweallcrazyithinktho, @jessyballet, @caanyoonmoon, @coldmuffinpartycloud, @marvelfansworld, @agnesk, @lauracontisstuff, @deepintothenature, @xcaptain-winterx, @nostxlgia18, @sophiaedits , @luckyladycreator2, @mrspeacem1nusone

Like, comment and reblog.

P.S. If you want blurbs and epilogue related to this series, please send in requests. I will need some ideas.

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[merakiaes]

Hate You, Hate You Not - Armitage Hux

Pairing: General Armitage Hux x reader

Requested: By anon. 

Prompts: #1 & #58 from the fluff-list. 

Warnings/notes: (SHOULD I MAKE A PART 2 WITH MORE ROMANCE IN IT?) This ended up being much longer than I planned so it's most likely very boring and dull😭 Might be a bit, if not a lot, out of character since this is kinda my test-run for Hux and Star Wars in general. Getting the characters mannerisms in might take some practice. Not proofread so I apologize in advance for any mistakes. This is the first time ever that I write for Star Wars and the first time in like 5-6 months that I’m writing in general so I’m a bit rusty. Please reblog and leave comments to keep my motivation going and let me know if you’d like to be added to a Star Wars taglist <3 

Wordcount: 5632

Summary: One of Kylo Ren’s many tantrums results in your room being inhabitable for a night, which in turn results in you having to share a room - and bed - with the person you hate the most. 

Everyone who had ever, at some point in their lives, worked alongside Kylo Ren in his quest to bring the Order to power, knew how much of a hassle and inconvenience his temper, or lack thereof, could be.

Not much was needed for him to lose his cool and it happened on a much too frequent basis than what was considered normal for a man in his early 30s, at least according to you.

Of course, however, you couldn’t actually tell him that, nor could you think it, with the risk of him probing your mind.

So every time he came back from a failed mission and completely obliterated your hard work, you could do nothing but bite your tongue, clear your head and repair the damages like you’d done oh, so many times before.

That’s what you got for being one of the highest-ranked engineers of the Order, you supposed.

But on this day you would’ve, for the first time in your life, very much preferred to repair the damages left behind by your tantrum-prone leader like you always did. Because if that punishment had to be compared to the one you were now facing, you would’ve chosen the former without even a shadow of a doubt.

But, unfortunately, that was not an option this time around, as the room that had fallen victim to the sizzling beam of Kylo Ren’s lightsaber was your bedroom.

Well, not originally, of course, but sparks had flown from the totaled control panels and a piece of supposedly fireproof metal scrap had caught on fire before you and the other engineers reached the room for a damage-control, starting of as a small flame and then proceeding to spread like wildfire as fire did, in ways completely unbeknownst to you as, like already mentioned, the place was supposed to be safe from fires.  

The licking flames had managed to melt through several walls before you got to the scene, and one of those walls was the wall to your bedroom.

It was late when it happened, only fifteen minutes before you were supposed to end your shift, and as you were on the verge of having a mental fucking breakdown, you personally requested an audience with Kylo and were granted permission by him after a very carefully-worded explanation to start early in the morning.

But that only took care of one of your problems, and only temporarily at that. Now you were left with the issue of finding other sleeping accommodations since your room was currently not habitable. You had no choice but to ask for another room and, of course, Hux thought that to be the perfect time to crack a sarcastic joke about throwing you into one of the prisoner cells.

You had never, in all your years of being alive, glared so fiercely at another human being as you did then. And in your moment of anger, you accidentally let your walls down and let your thoughts run freely through your head – your annoyance directed at the General, but also at Kylo Ren, being exposed.

You felt it before you saw it – that little prickle in your head, that little sting of your mind being probed – and only a second later, Kylo Ren turned his masked head in your direction, walked up to you with patronizingly slow steps and spoke:

“I think you’ll find that General Hux’s quarters will suffice for the night, until repairs can be done to your own. He has more than enough space for both of you.”

He turned his head to look at the baffled man standing behind him, all of the attitude he had previously been harboring against you now completely melted away.

“Isn’t that right, General?” Kylo continued asking, giving him the time he needed to regain his composure.

The general in question had never been very good at holding his tongue, not even when receiving orders from superiors, and was quick to protest.

As anyone would’ve been able to guess, that didn’t go very well, and you weren't even gonna try hiding the satisfaction you got from seeing Hux be force-choked against a wall for speaking out of turn.

No matter how good both of you were at hiding your spiteful thoughts toward him, Kylo knew how much the two of you hated him. And more than anything, he knew how much you hated each other.

Kylo had become very predictable to you during the time you had been there and you knew his ways good enough to know that he wouldn’t have wasted petty energy in putting the two most hateful people he knew in the same room if he hadn’t been pushed to do so.

You knew that you weren’t the reason in this scenario, despite the fact that he had probably felt your spite directed towards him, which only left one option; and that option was the bitter, infuriatingly stubborn ginger currently walking by your side.

You glanced at him from the corner of your eye and glared, clenching and unclenching your fists at your sides in the same manner you had been doing ever since Kylo had ruled his decision final and dismissed you for the night.

His eyes remained trained on the metallic corridor that seemed to be stretched out for miles in front of you and your blood boiled at the sight.

You would’ve lost your shit if he’d had the nerve to even consider looking at you after putting you in this situation, but at the same time, you were also on the verge of losing your shit about him having the audacity to ignore you.

You wanted to scream at him like you’d never screamed at anyone before, but you knew that doing that would only fuel the petty grudge Kylo had against the two of you and give him more ways to cause you torment. The only thing you and the general would ever have in common was not wanting that.

But still, what harm could a tiny bit of friendly banter do?

“You just couldn’t help yourself, could you, Armitage?” The question you’d been sucking on for the past few minutes finally slipped out into the air, making your anger known.

“Don’t call me that.”

“My apologies.” You sarcastically shot back with a dry laugh. “You just couldn’t help yourself, could you, general?”

“No, it was awfully tempting.” Was all that he replied, his eyes not once flickering and neither his stone-cold scowl nor fast-paced stride faltering.

Well, you might have absolutely despised each other but in the very least, you never bothered lying to each other. That had to count for something, right? Not that either of you cared.

No more words were exchanged, and that was probably for the best. Engineers and stormtroopers all moved out of your way as the two of you marched through the corridors, side by side, knowing better at this point than to get on your bad sides when you were together and this obviously angry both with each other and in general.

Soon enough, you finally reached the corridor in which Hux’s sleeping quarters were located and once the mechanic doors slid open, you pushed yourself past him into the room before he even got the chance to react.

He fumed behind you as he watched you make yourself at home, dropping your dirty jacket on his perfectly made bed.

“You’ll take the floor, then?” You asked as you turned around, crossing your arms over your chest and shooting him a forced smile.

“Hardly.” He spat, eyes narrowing, and you scoffed, rolling your eyes in return.

“You must be a real hit with the ladies with those manners.”

At that, he stepped further into his room, allowing the sensory-triggered door to shut behind him, successfully shutting the two of you in together.

“I don’t have time for fooling around with women.” He spat out the last word with such malice that you automatically raised an eyebrow.

“Well, that explains it.” You mused, the corner of your lip tugging upwards ever so slightly.

“Explains what, exactly?” His eyes narrowed further, and this time it was his turn to cross his arms.

“That stick you have up your ass.” You wasted no time in shooting back, and before he got a chance to reply, you continued. “I know this might be news to you seeing as you’re, well, you, but gentlemen are supposed to sacrifice their comfort and offer themselves to take the floor when a lady, due to unfortunate circumstances, is forced to stay in their room.”

You sarcastically smiled at him and sank down his bed, something that he, judging by the snarl overtaking his face, didn’t appreciate.

“You, a lady? That will be the day.” He scoffed. “Even calling you a woman is a stretch with your mannerisms.”

You could only roll your eyes.

“Well, I’m not sharing a bed with you.” The glare that had temporarily been exchanged for a teasing smirk returned to your face. “I’d rather share a bed with Millicent.”

As you said that, you picked up a single strand of cat hair from his bed, held it up for further inspection and raised your lip in disgust.

He stared at you dead serious, hands clasped behind his back and eyes burning holes into the side of your face.

“You’re allergic to cats.” He pointed out, making your head whip back around to face him with a glare equally as fierce as the one you were met with.

“Yes, that’s my point.” You deadpanned. “But it would seem that said point just went right over your thick-skulled head.”

“Do you think I am any happier about this than you are?” He scowled, and you stood up, slowly approaching him and coming to a stop right in front of him.

He took a small step back, a move that made your lip tug upward ever so slightly. The fact that he was so obviously not as tough as he wanted people to believe gave you a special kind of satisfaction and he knew it, judging by the way he only turned stiffer after that.

“You should be.” You smiled sweetly at him, keeping your eyes connected to his. “Because you’re sure as hell lucky I haven’t choked the life out of you yet for getting us into this situation in the first place.”

He glared and you glared right back, challenging, no, daring him to fight back. You knew that he wanted to, you could see that he wanted to, but in the end, not even he was that stupid.

So he said nothing, and once you realized you had finally managed to successfully back him into a corner, you backed away from him again and plastered on another forced, overly sweet smile.

“Now, I need to take a shower. I reek of burnt plastic.” You stated flatly and pushed past him, making a beeline for the one extra door in the room that you could only assume was his bathroom.  

You heard the squeak of his shoes rubbing against the floor as he quickly turned around behind you, and then came the determined steps and the proximity of his body closing in on you. However, before he got the chance to object or reach you, you entered his bathroom and slammed the door shut in his face, smiling contently to yourself as you listened to the muffled string of curses that followed.

You didn’t spend any more time thinking about it, though, not wasting any time before doing what you came in there to do.

You got out of your horrid-smelling clothes, released your equally as nasty-smelling hait from its ponytail and stepped into the shower.

If there was one thing you appreciated a little extra about living at the Starkiller Base, it was that everyone used the same scented soap. Because that meant that you wouldn’t have to go around smelling specifically like Hux, but rather just like you always smelled.

Once you finished washing your hair and body, you had to stop and think for a bit.

Your clothes obviously still reeked and needed a proper wash before they could be worn again, and you obviously couldn’t go naked.

After much thought back and forth, you finally settled with your own leggings as they were the one piece of clothing from your previous attire that smelled the least of smoke, and a plain black, long-sleeved undershirt that you found in a pile of Hux’s clean laundry.

Once you vad gotten dressed, braided your hair and re-entered the bedroom accompanied by a stream of steam, you found it to be empty, Hux nowhere in sight.

You couldn’t deny that you wondered where he’d gone off to, but you shook your head free of his face pretty quickly, settling with believing that he just went to take his frustration out on some poor stormtrooper or low-rank intern like he so often did when things didn’t go his way, much like Kylo Ren beat the shit out of any control panel he could get his hands on.

While you awaited his return, you occupied yourself with going around the room and lighting the small night-lamps like you normally did in your own room before going to bed.

That obviously didn’t take long, however, so you were soon enough once again left alone with your boredom and started walking around the room, inspecting all of Hux’s belongings.

You realized pretty quickly that he was not a person to whom inanimate things had much sentimental value, as he definitely didn’t have much to his name aside from the basic interior that all of the sleeping quarters on the base had.

He had a ring on his drawer, a few books in one of his two bookshelves while the other stood empty, a small bed in a corner for his cat, clothes in his wardrobe, and that was pretty much it. He had no pictures of family, no real personal belongings that could signify any kind of emotional value.

But then again, who did in these parts?

“Is that my shirt?”

You jumped when you heard the sudden voice behind you, quickly turning around where you stood twirling the ring you had found in the light of the lamp standing beside you.

Your eyes found his form immediately, shocked meeting stern.

“Why are you wearing my shirt?” He almost instantly repeated himself when not getting a reply the first time, slowly beginning to walk in your direction with his hands clasped behind his back.

You quickly put the ring back down on the dresser and turned towards him, regaining your composure.

“Well, if you hadn’t noticed, my room and everything in it was burnt to a crisp. The smokey smell on my clothes was giving me a headache and kind of would have ruined the purpose of taking a shower so when I just so conveniently noticed a pile of clean clothes, I helped myself.” You shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, and to you, it wasn’t.

Hux, however, didn’t seem amused in the slightest.

“Yes, you seem to have a habit of thinking you’re entitled to everything you want.” He spat back at you, coming to a stop while there was still a good amount of distance between the two of you.

Any chill you had previously had melted right off and your annoyance quickly returned at the sound of his words.

“Oh, do excuse me. I just thought one headache would be enough.” You retorted and rolled your eyes, before sighing and crossing your arms over your chest. “So, how are we doing this? It’s late and I need to be up early to see to the repairs.”

“I thought that I made myself clear.” Hux was quick to scoff, his glare not faltering for as much as a second. “I’m not giving you my bed.”

Once again, all you could do was roll your eyes. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to suck it up then.” You stated flatly and sat down on the bed, wasting no time in starting to divide the pillows into two piles rather than one.

You took a few seconds to adjust the pillows to suit your needs before looking back up, eyebrow raised at the fact that he had yet to say or do anything.

Your eyes once again met his and you almost laughed out loud at the sight you were faced with, but thankfully managed to control yourself and avoid making the situation even harder than it already was.  

Long story short, Hux had never looked more horrified than he did in that moment.

He basically looked at you like you had killed his cat, and that was putting it lightly.

You took a few seconds to just enjoy watching him squirm and silently scramble to make sense of the situation, but even you knew when enough was enough and raised a questioning eyebrow at him in an attempt to get him moving.

“Well? What’s it going to be?” You asked. “It’s either this or the floor, just like it was for me.”

Hux opened his mouth, hesitated, and then closed it again. He obviously hadn’t been expecting you to actually agree on sharing his bed with him and now that you had, he was left at loss for words as he clearly hadn’t been preparing for anything other than you sleeping on the floor.

But after a good moment of just standing there and looking like an idiot, he finally picked himself back up, squared his shoulders and walked around the bed to the other side with frustrated strides and a snarling lip.

The feigned confidence melted right off, however, when he reached his destination and awkwardly shuffled into bed while simultaneously avoiding your amused and mocking stare, silently grabbing the extra blanket that was folded upon his bedside table.  

Both of you laid down on your backs and a heavy silence fell like a thick blanket over the room. The only sound you could hear for a few moments were each other’s breaths and your own heartbeats. For a moment, only for a microscopical moment, you were actually on your way to admit to yourself that it was kind of nice.

But that thought went flying out the window just as quickly as it had knocked on the door of your mind when Hux broke the silence by beginning to adjust himself to get ready to sleep, and in the process of doing so made the active choice to tug the pillows from right under your head.

The back of your head hit the mattress with a soft thump and you closed your eyes, your lips pulling into a straight, tight line and one, sharp breath being released through your nose as you attempted to keep your cool.

You took a moment to calm down, before you turned your head to his side of the bed where he now laid with his back to you and tugged the pillows back – maybe with a little too much force than necessary.

Hux had quickly rolled over to his other side to take them back and in anger and an eagerness to get to sleep, you exclaimed: “Stop stealing the pillows!”

He met you with a stare cold enough to have anyone else shaking in their boots and spat back. “They’re my pillows.”

You grumbled under your breath and let go of one of the two pillows, letting him pull it back to his side while you held on to the last one.

You stared at each other for a moment, both of you eventually coming to a silent, mutual agreement that you were too tired to fight and therefore he'd let you keep the pillow you were holding on to as if your life depended on it.

He, once again, laid down and turned his back to you, his hands holding on to the pillows under his head while you struggled to get comfortable again, this time with only one pillow.

“Why is your bed so damn hard?” You muttered under your breath as you angrily shoved your elbow into the mattress in an attempt to make it more comfortable – as if that was ever going to help.

“Stop complaining.” He only snapped back.

“How could I when I’m stuck in a bed with you?”

“You could’ve asked for other accommodations when you had the chance.”

“And what, be the next victim of Ren’s lightsaber?” You scoffed. “I’m the one in charge of the repairs that are needed every time he throws a wobbly. I’ve seen the kind of damage that thing can do and I’m not in any hurry to find myself at the receiving end of it.”

You muttered the last part under your breath as you finally managed to get relatively comfortable, plopping back down on your back and folding your hands over your stomach.

“How did you know I’m allergic to cats, anyway?” The question spilled out before you could stop yourself, and before you could even register that it was on the way.

Where did that even come from? Cats weren’t even close to being the subject at hand.

Hux didn’t seem to care much about the random change of subject, however, simply muttering back a reply. “You start sniffling and scratching your arms every time you’re in the same room as me for more than five minutes.”

He was clearly tired. Tired in general or just tired of you, you didn’t really know, but you guessed that it was a mixture of both since that was the case for you.

“Maybe I’m just allergic to you.” You muttered back with a shrug, even though he couldn’t see you, and he scoffed at that.

“Had that been the case I’m fairly certain it would go both ways and, unlike you, I don’t go around oozing snot everywhere I go.”

“I don’t go oozing snot everywhere.” You calmly protested, throwing the back of his head a disapproving glare before turning to lay on your side so that your back was now turned to his.

He didn’t say anything else and neither did you, sleep coming in and catching you completely by surprise and having you knocked out within the next two minutes.

When you woke up early that next morning, Hux was unsurprisingly already gone, Millicent instead laying in his place and looking right at you.

With a disgusted snarl and hesitant movements, you reached over to the other side of the bed and awkwardly patted her head twice, probably very much in the incorrect manner as you had no experience whatsoever with animals.

You got out of bed after that, put on your jacket and shoes, and wasted no time in getting to work once you’d gotten some food into your system, your team joining you in the damage-inflicted area to start on repairs like you’d done so many times before.

Everything was going fine and dandy, just a light-reckon day that started off like any other – if you didn’t count waking up in Hux’s bed with his cat – but a few hours into your workday, the unmistakable sound of Kylo Ren’s heavy steps could be heard echoing through the entire corridor you found yourself working in.

A big share of the Order’s pilots had been either killed or badly hurt a few days prior in an ambush. No one had expected any pilots to be needed for at least a few days but Kylo had gotten a sudden lead on the map that would take him to Luke Skywalker and was now walking around the base recruiting anyone capable of helping him get what he wanted.

Unfortunately for you, you were not only a highly-ranked engineer, but also a pretty decent pilot, and couldn’t say anything in protest when you were whisked away to a ship.

As anyone who wasn’t driven by an unhealthy obsession would have been able to guess, the lead was just too good to be true with a way too simple access.

Just like the last lead, this one fell through when it was revealed to be another ambush. You weren’t completely sure what happened, but over the comms, you had heard something about Leia Organa and some scavenger. 

You didn’t have time to think about retired war heroes though, no matter how much you’d love to pry and the get in on the gossip, as you had to shoot yourself through a big fleet of Resistance starfighter corps, barely getting through with your ship intact.

Your fellow pilots were shot down one by one, only a small amount of you managing to get out of there. And even then, you were met by more starfighter corps just as quickly as you’d gotten away from the last line.

Everything was just a mess after that. You weren’t able to get through to anyone over the comms, only barely being able to make out a “pull back!” before your comm system was blown to pieces along with one of your main engines.

Along with several other ships, you were forced to crash-land on a small planet filled with thick woods and when your ship collided with the ground, your head slammed into the controls, rendering you unconscious for who knows how long.

By the time you came back to it, you were hanging upside down, the only thing preventing you from falling down being the seatbelt keeping you strapped in.

You struggled to get out of there but you managed, and had to take a moment to get your surroundings to stop spinning before moving forward to look for survivors as well as a ship that wasn’t completely beyond salvation.  

You weren’t sure who you’d find, but the person you’d shared a bed with the previous night was definitely the last person you’d expect to have crashed in the same place as you. 

And still, you recognized his ship immediately. After all, you were the one who had personalized it to fit his liking.

Lucky for you, his ship seemed to have gotten a pretty soft landing. As you circled around it, you were able to determine that no major engines had been blown out. Damaged? Definitely. But they looked intact enough to at least be able to put some more distance between you and the Resistance pilots and get you to a safer place. Hopefully, the inside would be as untouched as the outside.

The ramp was lowered to the ground but didn’t look broken, so you wasted no time in jogging inside.

The lights were out completely in the entrance area, and just flickering in the ceiling when you came further in.

The first thing you noticed when you entered the piloting pit was that the pilot was not breathing. How could you tell from that far a distance? Well, let’s just say that something that was not supposed to be stuck in his eye, was stuck in his eye.

Upon further inspection, you noticed another body on the floor. However, this one was very much alive.

You would’ve expected to be met by a desperate “help me”, maybe even some begging and pleading or in the very least a “please”, but instead, even when in the process of bleeding out on the floor, Hux narrowed his eyes at you as you approached him and asked you with ragged breaths:

“Is that my shirt?”

You panted as you dropped to your knees at his side, still pretty shaken up from your own crash. “What? No.” You replied in a breath, and you wasted no time in starting to inspect his injuries.

“Yes, it is.”

“Why would I be wearing your shirt?” You asked simply, struggling to see in the dark as the flickering lights weren’t providing much assistance by means of light.

“That’s my shirt.” He kept insisting, and flinched when your hand made contact with his lower abdomen.

Only then did your eyes register the glimmering piece of metal through your blurred and disoriented vision, sticking out of his side.

You flinched at the sight, not needing any more light than you had to know that it was really bad. 

Your heart suddenly picked up in speed in your chest, and your hands began shaking as they became covered in his blood.

You had never been in the middle of the action before now, you’d always just been surrounded by metal and electricity. The most exciting thing you’d ever experienced was when a new engineer circuited a control panel the wrong way, resulting in it blowing up right by your workplace.

But it wasn’t the action in itself that had your heart about ready to burst through your chest, nor was it the blood in general, but rather the fact that it was his blood covering your hands.

His life was completely dependent on you at this moment and you had absolutely no idea how to behave accordingly.

But if there was something you knew, it was that the last thing you were supposed to do was to show a dying man your panic, so you took a deep breath and tried your hardest to steady your racing heart, going back to the conversation at hand.

“How could you tell the difference, really?” You asked. “All of our shirts look the same. All black, all equally as sufficient when used to stop blood flows.”

As you said that last part, you released another breath and ripped off a big chunk of the lower part of the shirt you were wearing.

A shirt that was, in fact, Hux's.

The man in question let his head fall back against the wall that he was propped against and his eyes squeezed shut when feeling your hands return to his side.

“Do you always wear shirts several sizes too big?” He managed to get out through clenched teeth and you replied without missing a beat.

“There was a mix-up in the laundry room.”

“So it isn’t your shirt?” He continued to be persistent and despite the seriousness of the situation, you couldn’t help but to let a small smile slip.

“Do you want to keep fighting about whether or not this shirt is mine or would you rather maybe, oh, I don’t know, focus on getting the hell out of here?” You asked him lightly and at that, he raised his head to meet your eyes with a distrusting glare.

“Why are you helping me?”

You raised your eyebrow at him, sparing just a second to meet his eyes. “You have a piece of metal stuck in your side, why the hell would I not help you?” You asked and as quickly as you had looked up, you looked back down at your hands to see what you were doing.

“You hate me, and I hate you.” He deadpanned, and you couldn’t deny you felt your heart tug in your chest.

“Who told you I hated you?” You asked, and listened as he let out a dry, struggling laugh.

“You did. On countless occasions.”

He hissed when you accidentally bumped your hand against the piece of metal. You quietly apologized but didn’t stop, knowing you didn’t have much time before the enemy would catch up with you.

“Thinking that I’m entitled to everything I want isn’t the only bad habit I have. I also have a tendency to overexaggerate.” You joked with a smile. “I do find you insufferably infuriating, though.”                                              

Another chuckle left his lips. “Likewise.” He said and dropped his head back against the wall.

You said nothing more, ripping another two pieces off of the shirt, tying them together and wrapping it around his waist like you had the first piece. You tightened this knot significantly more than the first one, though, right above the piece of metal, and just as quickly as he had relaxed, he jerked back forward with a yell.

“I need to stop the bleeding, you need to keep still.” You hurriedly scolded and sternly pushed him back down by his chest.

He muttered bitterly in return, but didn’t protest.

“I bet you’re enjoying this.” He seethed, and you raised an eyebrow, a small smile playing on your lips.

“Whenever I’m feeling down, I just think back to the multiple times I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing you being force-thrown across a room by Ren. Puts a smile on my face every time. But that doesn’t automatically mean I want you to die. So stop wallowing in your internalized self-hatred and put your hand over mine.” You told him, trying your hardest to keep a lighthearted attitude, more so for your own sake than his at this point as you were literally about to pass out.

But he did as told, contributing with the strength he had left when you got to your feet and started pulling him up and into one of the seats that were still intact.

He put a trembling hand over yours and in turn, you put your other one over his and pushed down. He hissed and you gave him a moment to adjust, and when you were sure he was pressing hard enough with his own hand, you slowly removed both of yours and fastened his seatbelt.

“Keep pressure and hold on tight. This is most likely going to be a rough ride.” You warned him, and he slowly looked up at you through a mess of ginger hair.

“It can’t be any worse than the ride here.” He retorted and you nodded, taking that as a “go ahead”.

You wasted no time in getting into the pilot’s seat after pulling the previous pilot out, as well as the thick tree branch on which his head had been impaled, and started up the controls. It took a few tries to get out of the hole the ship hade gotten stuck in when crashing, but soon enough you were up in the sky.

With a bit of dumb luck, you eventually reached your destination and got brought back in to the base by your team of fellow engineers, all ready to repair the wrecked ship.

Hux was immediately taken to the medical bay while you stayed behind to help with the ships, and from two ends of the base, the two of you silently and separately came to realize that maybe, just maybe, you didn’t hate each other as much as you thought, after all.

[steveharrington]

that’s interesting bc my dad REALLY liked the “i am the curse scene”. personally i liked it (i enjoyed hopper’s character more in s4 than in s3 for sure, but s1 and s2 hopper are peak). idk s3 hopper just felt unnecessarily angry and emotionally immature in a way that i didn’t see hopper as being in earlier seasons, i could not imagine s2 hopper yelling at kids the way he did in s3. whereas s4 hopper feels more in line with his previous characterization, but like…. less saturated with that character, if that makes sense. s3 hopper felt to me at times like a different guy, whereas s4 hopper was the same guy but like they’d toned down a lot of his traits. i thought his “i am the curse” speech was probably his strongest moment this season tho idk. but rewatching the show from the start and seeing him in s1 currently…. where is the flavor. the specific hopper spunk. it’s missing from s4 hopper. if that even makes any sense

that is so interesting because i honestly thought s3 hopper was more himself than s4 hopper. like i think they definitely overdid it at times for comedic effect in s3, but hopper has always been very exasperated by the kids. all the way back in s1 in what i thiiiink is his first scene with mike dustin and lucas he's like clearly so irritated with them and yells at them for bickering among themselves. i think the issues in hopper's characterization in s3 is that they picked weird overplayed tropes to display his exasperation. the whole overprotective dad thing mixed with the love/hate antagonistic relationship he suddenly had with joyce made him just seem like a dick. then i think in s4 they realized that people didn't really like s3 hopper so they tried to overcompensate and fix their mistakes and it just. erased all of hopper's personality. like look i get that he's in captivity and realistically he's gonna be somber and lifeless and shit i get that BUT. its stranger things. notoriously its characters still have very strong personalities in the midst of disaster and trauma. sometimes they get even stronger (ahem ahem steve and robin) but the opposite happens with hopper in s4. the whole time watching this season i was like dam when is hopper gonna show up.

i think the reason his s4 speech fell flat to me compared to his s2 speech is because it just felt so. meaningless. the core of what he's saying in both speeches is that he feels like everyone close to him ends up suffering as a result of him being in their lives. in s2 it's a result of the big fight he had with el and he uses it to express to her why he gets angry and destructive when her safety is at risk and he tries to move forward and be better from then on. it makes perfect sense and it's genuinely moving because it's like....new information about hopper. its the first time he's able to admit to el and the viewers that he doesn't want to be so angry all the time and he cant help but feel that way. and then in s4 it's.....basically the same thing but this time the motivation behind it is so hazy? he feels guilty because he ended up in russia?? something that was entirely out of his control and, really, was a noble sacrifice that allowed the gate to close?? and the writers must've realized that wasn't enough so they added in that he feels like he personally caused his daughter's cancer from being exposed to agent orange??????? idk to me it felt like rehashing a lesson that hopper already learned. in s2 he realizes that el does need him and that together they make each other happier and safer, and then by s4 he's already forgotten all that and decided that actually he's a curse on everyone he knows even though he literally saved everyone as his last action in america. idk!!!!!! maybe this is nitpicky but i LOVE season two hopper like that is my dad and season 4 hopper is just some guy </3

[walker-extended-universe]

Season 2 Episode 7

“Where do we go from here?” a question asked at the beginning, the middle and the end of this episode.

The main plot of this episode was set up in the opening scene. Cordell, still angry about Liam filing the false report, has been lashing out at him. Liam in turn has been trying to stay out of his way to no avail. When Cordell accidentally knocks a bowl out of Liam’s hand while setting up family dinner, August breaks the ice on figuring out what’s going on between them. Cordell (spitefully) makes Liam confess his mistakes to Stella and August and belittles him about the consequences of his actions. This sends Liam out the door and whatever peace the family had at this point has been broken once more.

The episode picks up three weeks later. Liam has holed up at a cabin in the middle of the woods and is ignoring calls from Cordell and Captain James. This is a problem as Seranos’ legal team has used his filing a false report to gain a continuance on the case on the grounds that Liam could potentially have meddled with evidence, which could result in the entire case being thrown out of court. James needs him to come in and make a statement for their investigation as he hopes that getting Liam’s words on paper will protect him and their case. Liam is against this idea initially; he doesn’t have to do it and he’d rather not spend time thinking about the biggest embarrasment of his career. James sets up an appointment for him to speak anyway and hopes he’ll come.

Liam remains firm on his decision not to speak with the legal team until he talks about it with Bret later in the episode. He mantains that he’s under no obligation to speak with them and that it’s probably better if he doesn’t. He is, after all, just another corrupt official in the Travis county legal system. He’s practically Stan Morrison. However, after a passive agressive phone call with one of Seranos’ lawyers, he realizes that him not speaking about what happened is exactly what they want. They not only want him to look bad, but they want enough leeway to potentially throw this on Cordell, as he was one of the Rangers made the arrest. If Liam doesn’t come forward and tell the events as they happened, they could tell whatever story they wanted and no one would be able to contest it. Against Bret’s advice, Liam decides to go over there while far from sober to make a statement. This leads to a small amoutn of chaos when he’s confronted by Seranos’ lawyers before he’s had a chance to sober up but luckily he has a good backup squad to get him out of the way.

Liam and James have a conversation in the privacy of his office. James digs into him a bit for showing up in the state he’s in and Liam makes no move to defend himself. He admits that he messed up and that this was an attempt at making things right. They talk a little about Liam’s current mental state, which is admittedly not very good. James then advises that he sober up and also think about if he really wants to be A.D.A. There are other places where he could do good.

Later, after Cordell drives him back home, they talk about what happened and their relationship. Cordell apologises for being so harsh and petty with him about the false report. While it was wrong of Liam to do so, Cordell shouldn’t have put him down. They were partners, brothers; they’re better than that. They hug it out and go inside for family game night.

This was a surprisingly Liam-centric episode this week. I’m certainly not complaining and I’m glad we got a chance to look more at his character and how he’s been affected by not only recent events but things that took place in the last season. Speaking of Bret....

BRET CAME BACK! AND IT WASN’T TO BREAK UP WITH LIAM! I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!! I have been waiting for Bret to return since the premiere of this season you guys have no idea how psyched I’ve been for this. 

Bret’s part in this episode was getting Liam back on the rigth track, something he’s done previously in their relationship. He comes to talk to Liam after Stella called him out of concern and he immediately clocks onto how poorly Liam’s been caring for himself. During the phone call with Seranos’ legal team, he advises Liam on how to respond. He also helps Liam talk out his feelings about the whole mess despite his reluctance to do so and he tried to talk Liam out of going to HQ drunk. After Liam’s talk with James, he’s there to talk about their relationship. They both still care about each other greatly and miss each other a lot. However, Liam’s been holding back because he doesn’t feel worthy of “making a promise to”. Bret sees that he is and encourages that opinion in Liam. 

I just think their relationship is so sweet. Bret being the voice of reason for Liam was really nice to watch and I’m glad he’ll be sticking around the cast for at least a bit longer.

I also want to talk about Colton in this episode. He’s come a long wayh from the angry teenager we met in the premiere. He seems to have entered a friendship with both Stella and August and it looks like he’s recognized that his grandmother may not have been entirely honest about the Walkers. He also revealed that he’s adopted and that Marv Davidson isn’t talked about within his family. Abilene is cautious around him at first but she warms up to him over the course of the episode, even revealing some of the history between their families. She tells him that Marv was a good man and that she and Gail used to be friends. 

One last tidbit that we got from this is August telling Colton about the lantern he found at the burned-down barn. I wonder when he’s going to tell someone in his family about it.....

Before I talk about the next big thing to happen in this episode, I want to talk about some more cuteness. Namely, Cordell and Stella cuteness.

It’s career day at Sacred Hearts High and Stella feels woefully unprepared. SHe confesses to Trey that she has no idea what she’s going to do next and that she feels so behind everyone else who seems to already have plans. This leads to Trey calling Cordell, who comes to school to pick her up and see if he can make her feel better. We get a new flashback to Emily picking her up during her first day of high school, another time when she felt woefully unprepared for what lied ahead. Stella decides to suggest she and Cordell have a “we” day like the ones she used to have with Emily. Cordell agrees. On the way to his truck, they have a little conversation about Cordell’s experience graduating high school and he tells her he didn’t have much of an idea of what he wanted to do either until after 9/11 happened. He also encourages the idea that she doesn’t necessarily have to choose ot go to college or to go far if she does. 

Later, when they’re playing boccii, we get more flashbacks to Emily teaching Stella how to play. Stella makes a not-so-subtle allergory between the game and Cordell’s conflict with Liam and thanks her dad for the day out. When Cordell dirves Stella to HQ to meet with Liam, he tells her a story from his days in school. When Liam was facing bullies because of his sexuality, Cordell came up with the idea of starting a fight with Liam and giving him a chance to show off that he could take care of himself. While this did stop the major bullying threats, he had concerns that it may have taught Liam how to do dumb things in order to do the right thing. This was some quality father-daughter bonding content and I’m so glad we got it.

We also got another conversation between Trey and Stella about the future. Trey, seeing that she’s someone who’s been dealing with a lot of family issues recently, encourages her to think about what she wants just for herself anf not worry about anyone else. This leads to Stella starting an application to a school in Maine. While this confuses Cordell, he doesn’t make an attempt to stop her and makes playful jabs at the state and school she’s applying to.

Finally, we’ve reached the last plot of the episode.

Trey is thinking about what he wants after his breakup with Micki. He moved to Austin and set up a whole life there for the sake of being with her. Now that she’s gone, he feels a little lost as to what he wants. James stops by to talk to him (and see if Seranos has anyone on him) and encourages him to think about staying in town. He still has people there that will support him and that would miss him if he left. They bond over a childhood rink of Trey’s and some old school gaming. However, the good times have to end after James gets confirmation that Trey is being watched. 

After eh gets a protective detail set up, James take Trey back home. While he’s there, he sees someone moving as if to attack Trey and steps out to defend him. In the process, he gets shot in the chest.

And that is where our episode ends. I thought this was a great episode overall. While I do think Colton is very forthcoming for an angsty teen, he’s calmed down enough for me to allow it. And I really, really enjoyed seeing Bret back this episode.

Can’t wait for next week!

[jessiebanethedragon]

White Sands Warm the Cold Sea

Star Wars, The Bad Batch Pirate!au (Hunter x Reader

Summary: the reader, betrothed to a disgusting Coruscanti Lord flees her home world and lands herself in a plethora of trouble, a ship of clones, and one pirate captain whose cold exterior needs much more than the tropical seaside sun.

Warnings: Swearing, takes place in time periods where women have dowery's and suchlike. The readers dad and bothered are asses.

Chapter one: The Sentencing

Fate, you had decided, fucked you over. Which in itself, was not only a very unladylike statement, but was also very ironic. But how fitting for a woman of your time, to want something her whole life only to be told she couldn’t have it by the most infuriating of men. For passion to be pushed into a corset and cinched into fake smiles and batting eyelashes.

Everyone has a value, never mind how little or much, everyone is worth something. And you are worth a great deal to me.

At the time you’d thought your fathers words were a statement of affection, love brought to light by goblets of rum only to settle in your lap as you tended to the fireplace and did your best to lead him into his bed, staggering every step of the way. It was now that you understood his words. The choice of word may have been valuable, but the more accurate synonym, dowry explained his true intentions.

Enter one Lord Volim Nython, a pretentious man with a mind that was far more shallow than his pockets and a reputation to match. What Lord Nython did not already possess, he bought. And what he was without currently, was a wife. He was a man with a personality inked in gunpowder and steel, crushing his enemies in the war that made his predecessors and your fathers fortunes.

A very fitting match. Oh how quaint, the wedding would be so grand, and the children, oh they will be beautiful. The distinct lack of sincerity infuriated you, older women with tea parties akin to that of toddlers and the gloved hands they rest on their chests as they shake their heads at the utmost ridiculous things. While the tautly curled hair stays perfectly in place, rage resided in you at an unfathomable height. But, it was not without its reins, and as its rider, you had to lead your rage onto a path that would result in your success.

You chose this night carefully, knowing that it was on the last of every month, when the money came in from gambling, debts and the crown, that your father quite literally liquified his earnings. You shiver in your nightgown, every fireplace in the house was still burning, and the oil lamps were flickering away, though the household was asleep save for yourself. The main doors shifted open as the intoxicated man made his way in. And you steady yourself before greeting him.

“A good night, I'll take it then?” You ask with a breath of a laugh, wrapping a shivering arm arm around his shoulders and leading him over to the plush sitting chairs by the fire. He waves you off when you offer him water and so you sit on your knees by his feet. Grasping his hands on your own. He regards you with a suspicious look.

“I… I wanted to ask you something.” You start carefully, eyeing his look. The rug is warm from the flame and the way it illuminates his face, you wonder how many times your mother sat with him like this, or how often he looked at her in such confusion.

“Well? Get on with it then.” He slurs leaning further back into the red velvet. Causing you to shift and bunch your nightgown.

“I wanted to ask if, if you thought, the lord...”

“Lord Nython.” He confirms, watching you jump as the fire crackles, your nerves electrified by what you mean to bring up next. And it gives away your intentions before you can ask them. After all, your father may know you better than you had originally thought.

“Do not tell me what I think you are about to do.” he warns tilting his head down so the orange light reflects the way he regards you through his brow.

“I think we could make a better match.” You try and appeal to his motivations. “I think we stand to make a better-”

“I’ve been given offers.” He interrupts, the liquor making him less angry and more level headed as you had intended it to. “No one will wed you for the price Lord Nython will.” He moves to stand, the conversation finished, but you are not, having given yourself a stern word of not settling until you are free from the man's clutches.

“There are richer men outside of Coruscant.” You say with more force than you had intended. The translucent fabric whooshing as you stand. Your father pauses at the helm of the stairs, like a Blurg righting itself after an unsuccessful charge, he is listening.

“Naboo royalty, even a low Alderanian Lord would double Nythons offer.” You take cautious steps forward, hoping that his underestimation of your intelligence works in your favor.

“Those men are oceans away, Nython will wed you tomorrow if the crown gave its blessing.” He counters, but it is not a dismissal.

“Consider this an investment then, the payoff would surely be worth it.” You press carefully, like a healer tending to an inflammation, you palpate the area with caution looking to avoid the most sensitive of the inflamed tissue. Your father huffs.

“Providing you could snag a suitable man.” Hope flickers within you, and it warms you more than the fire ever could, it makes you feel power, and control. And hope, like it does with most, makes you foolish.

“Love is a powerful motivator.”

His booming drunk laugh shakes you, fear flooding you as you realize your mistake. But you were so close! So tantalizingly close to being free from the wretched man.

“You think men marry for love?” You see him wipe away tears of laughter as he sways on the dark oak staircase of your home. “You my dear, are even more dull than I thought.” You shake with anger and anxiety.

“I want to be in love! Like you an-”

“Do not say you mother and I. Ha. You are truly delusional.” He interrupts, taunting you with drunken laughter. Your father never speaks of your mother, and when he did it was pushed aside in favor of something else. But alcohol has a way of loosening tongues.

“I… I-” you stammer, if there was one thing you remembered about your mother it was the love she shared with your father and the stories of growing up and falling into a love so pure with someone it made your heart ache for it.

“We were not in love, she despised me, and I her.” He spits from his place on the stairs. The height difference adds to how small you feel. How his pitiful stare shrinks you and sends chills into your bones.

“I do not under-“ He interrupts again:

“It was an act! Pretend! Meant to fool young girls into thinking they could have a life as such. And even in death she continues to lie to you!” You blink away tears and think, you try to think he is lying, that they were happy, she was happy, and that in his intoxication your father lies.

“She was adamant that we would be in love for you.” He sighs, and drops to the stairs to sit and lean on the railing. “That we would keep up pretences for your sake so that you would strive for such happiness.” With his words it is as if he is taking away the core memories of your mother.

“I will not marry that man.” You have to push the words out, but the meaning is clear enough.

“Yes.” Your father says ever so sternly. “You will.”

“I shall not!” You fight back, hating how your eyes cloud with tears and emotions bubble up. “He looks at me like one does cattle, I am nothing more than a trade deal to that man!” both parties know you are right, from the first meeting when he had stalked around you, looking up and down, tutting here, humming there. Not engaging in any conversation that you’d deem intellectual or interesting. You’d been disgusted then, and you are still disgusted now.

“Please!” Your father wipes drunken saliva from his chin, “Lord Nython is giving us so much gold for your hand in marriage you should be grateful, and a renowned war hero like himself. You will wed that man even if i have to drag you to the altar.” You’re stunned, and horrified, and your father leaves you weeping on the dark oak stairs, a mess for one of the maids to clean up before he wakes in the morning.

Tag list: @the-mandalorian-clone-lover @peacefulwizardfox @rex-meshla @s1st3r @and-claudia @kamino-mermaid

comment to be added!

[pillow-anime-talk]

his talented baby. {pt.1}

synopsis: You as a person with a huge (and hidden) talent, and also a girl who really surprises your boyfriend.

# tags: scenarios; current relationships; romance; fluff; some PDA; sfw

includes: female reader ft. ken kaneki & nishiki nishio {tokyo ghoul} + yuuma isogai & itona horibe {assclass}

— KEN (ft. singing)

Your closest friends invited you to a popular karaoke bar on one Friday night to celebrate a successfully passed semester in college. Of course, you couldn’t forget about your lovely boyfriend, who was at the same university, but in a different field (i.e. Japanese literature) and always supported you with all his might, knowing how much you want to do your dream job in the future.

So you went to the meeting together, and on the way to the designated place you talked all the time about what the next year of study would bring you. As soon as you reached the room where your three closest besties and one male friend were waiting for you, you both greeted them warmly, immediately taking off your thick coats and taking your seats on a soft, leather couch next to a table filled with tasty-looking snacks and colorful drinks.

Long minutes of conversations between the six of you resulted in drunk plenty of alcohol and blushes on the faces. After drinking, you always got more talkative and more self-confident, so you suggested using the TV and the karaoke machine. Of course, you first offered your friends and Ken to sing something, but they all declined, saying that you should start as an initiator. One of the girls, blonde-haired Minami, smiled at you with a sparkle in her pretty golden eyes, adding that you are the best in this and you should show how to do it correctly. You chuckled in response, waving your hand at her to dismiss compliment.

Kaneki, on the other hand, frowned as he looked at the boy who was sitting on his right.

“... Oh, you don’t know? Y/N-san hasn’t yet praised herself to you that she has a wonderful voice? Huh, huh.” The black-haired boy shook his head, reaching for the glass filled with blue something again. “Hmmm, well. Normally Y/N’s very shy, but she always sings at trips when she’s drunk.” He chuckled while you picked one of your favorite songs in the meantime. So everyone looked at your standing figure, then heard the characteristic sounds from one of Selena Gomez’s songs coming from the gray speakers.

“My dear, I dedicate it to you~!” You looked with joy on your face towards the eighteen-year-old, giving him a quick wink, and then you started your little performance with ‘Love you like a love song’ from the above-mentioned artist.

Your friends didn’t seem surprised and instead started clapping to the beat of the music... but Ken’s eyes widened and he spat out his high-percentage drink, not knowing how to react to the fact that for nine, long months of your relationship, you concealed the fact that you could sing so well and so beautifully. Your voice was perfect for the song that was playing now, and you seemed to be having a great time – there was a huge smile on your lips, your eyelids were slightly closed and your hand was over your heart. If it weren’t for the fact that you were at a karaoke bar, everyone would definitely think you are playing a concert on the biggest stage in Tokyo city.

After the song was over, another girl got up to present a completely different choice, and you handed her the dark microphone, bowing in the process.

Kaneki still seemed speechless and as soon as you sat down next to him, he immediately kissed you on the warm forehead, asking you to sing more to him, especially when you two are going to be alone, because he probably fell in love with you once again and just wanted to experience that love every day thereafter.

— NISHIKI (ft. ballet)

Nishiki, as a pharmacy student, didn’t have much time for extra-curricular activities or unnecessary meetings; in addition, the fact that he was a bloodthirsty ghoul and had to watch over himself made it difficult for him to function normally in the life of Kamii University. However, the brown-haired man always found time for you, for his beloved girlfriend.

You had been dating for over three, long years, and the man definitely couldn’t imagine his own life without you by his side. You knew each other better than anyone else in this world, but sometimes some tiny things of your ordinary day eluded Nishio; of course you understood it perfectly and you weren’t angry or disappointed with him. After all, he had to protect himself, you, take care of his specific menu, be vigilant at every step, and additionally he had to pretend to be the perfect student, senpai (or kouhai) and friend of other people.

So you weren’t surprised when one day you handed him a silverish ticket for probably the most important show of your life and he just looked at you in wonderment. At the beginning, the twenty-year-old asked if it was a performance related to singing or playing an instrument due to the fact that the colorful paper didn’t tell him too much, but you just smirked as you tweaked the unruly, soft hair on his head.

“Hmm. If you don’t remember what I do in my free time, it’s even better, I guess. Come and see it for yourself, honey. I think that thanks to this you will even calm down a little and rest due to the recent weeks.” You announced in a light tone of voice, and the young man sighed under his breath.

“So... I’ll find out in three days, am I right?” He made sure by correcting his glasses and you nodded, then grabbing his rough hand and kissing his cool cheek. A short while later you suggested going to your apartment and catching up on a few episodes of your favorite series that you started quite recently.

The anticipation of your important day passed very quickly and on Saturday, at 6 p.m., when everyone took their seats (with your boyfriend sitting on one of the balconies with the best view of the stage), delicate music was played in the theater, which made everyone shiver on the whole body. Until then, the brown-eyed boy somewhere in the back of his head had the impression that it was a theater performance or an opera, but when he saw your person appear on stage in a beautifully tailored dress and ballet shoes, all the questions that flickered in his mind disappeared in literally one second.

‘Well, yeah. I remember now. She always told me about ballet classes and new shoes.’ A huge, proud smirk came on his pale face and you glanced out of the corner of your eye towards his VIP seat.

Though your expression was cold and composed, you felt an enormous heat in your small heart as the man waved at you, showing two thumbs up. His lips moved even slightly, and although Nishiki tried to hide it, you knew perfectly well that the pink blush and mute ‘I love you’ was sincere and even better than being able to play Odetta, the White Swan, in a ballet spectacle.

— YUUMA (ft. songwriting and guitar playing)

Christmas at school was never what you enjoyed; maybe due to the fact that before, your classmates on main campus were quite specific and you definitely didn’t fit with their strange ‘ideals’. It was only in the class E that you felt that you could find real friends or people who would share your ideas.

But, hmm. Still, you seemed to stand out from the rest of the girls in the class who had more... down-to-earth hobbies or characters than you; Okuda liked chemistry and was really excellent at it, Kirara loved reading, Rio was the best at English and had a great sense of fashion, and Toka was pretty good at cooking. Contrary to them, you preferred to... do more ‘intimate’ things. Writing short poems filled your heart with peace and prevented you from being as critical of yourself as usual. And when you wrote the lyrics of the songs, made notes or melodies to them and sang quietly, you could feel like a real artist that everyone wanted to admire and imitate.

Therefore, when your first and last class holidays with the rest of the 3-E students were fast approaching, Koro-sensei was the one who asked you for a short talk. You weren’t sure what this was about, but moments later your uncertainties were dispelled.

“Y/N-san, I think you mistook your notebooks today and instead of giving me your homework, you gave to me... this.” He said in his as always happy voice, and seeing the black notebook in which you always wrote songs and notes, you blushed all over your face, apologizing profusely for the mistake. “Huh? But this is no mistake, my dear. If it weren’t for this, I would never even think that we have such a talented soul in Class 3-E. So would you like to perform in front of the rest of the students and teachers during the holidays?” The easy question made you widen your eyes and sighed.

“I-I’ve never played in front of anyone, so...” You admitted shyly, and the tall, yellow octopus just chuckled.

“I’m pretty sure they will love it. We can practice together.”

Well, you couldn’t refuse (especially when Koro-sensei offered to bring your favorite, foreign snacks...) and on class Christmas day you showed up with your acoustic guitar and a notebook full of chords and songs. Everyone was surprised and curious at how well you play guitar. After all, you’ve never even mentioned that you can play any instrument before. On the other hand, the class representative, and your boyfriend at the same time, immediately came up to you, asking if you were really okay; better than anyone else, Isogai knew that you didn’t like too much attention and big crowds. But you reassured him it was okay and promised your teacher you would do it, so you smiled at him and then took your seat under the blackboard with a wooden guitar on your lap.

The song you chose for the day was a song you wrote quite recently. It had a little bit of magic, and at the same moment it seemed very romantic and delicate. Even Karma seemed delighted with your beautiful play and soft voice that echoed from time to time between the walls of huge classroom.

At the end of the song, you decided to raise your gaze and simultaneously look at your all friends, three teachers and other half; everyone was really happy and positively speechless. So you gave Yuuma a slight wink, making him blush sweetly.

The young teenager definitely hoped you would show him more of your songs someday, not necessarily the happy Christmas carols Kaede and Ritsu asked for.

— ITONA (ft. dancing)

“... You never mentioned that you can dance.” He admitted softly, and you squeezed his smooth hand tighter.

“So... I mention it right now. It’s not a big deal, baby. I just ... like it and enjoy it a lot.” You giggled as you correcting the black sports bag over your shoulder, then opened the heavy door to the training room, immediately jumping up at the sound of loud squeals and greetings from your closest friends. “Guys, this is Itona Horibe, my boyfriend that I told to you before! Love, it’s Aki-chan, Yui-chan, Kazuya-kun, Saburo-kun, and our cameraman and editor Ryuu senpai. Most often, the five of us cooperate with each other when it comes to dance in groups of five people. And... today we are going to cover a song so I hope you’ll like it. I’ll go change and you all, please, don’t scare my boyfriend and give him something to drink!”

As a group leader, you often came up with choreographies and warm-ups for yourself and others. So, it couldn’t be otherwise this time. For the last week and a half you have been practicing the choreo you came up with and today you were supposed to record material for the video on your quite popular YouTube account. You were extremely excited, not only with the new content, but most of all with the fact that your beloved one would be able to watch it live and evaluate your skills that have been refined over the years. So as soon as you got back to the teens waiting for you, you kissed the light-blue-haired quickly on the right cheek and told him that he could sit against the wall, close to the table full of snacks and the contact for charging the phone.

Then you talked with everyone for a while, doing a short warm-up and reminding the cameraman about how to move the cam. A few short minutes later, you lined up in the middle of a huge white room with Ryuu in front of you. You knelt down in the center, of course, gently moving your shoulders to calm your rapidly pounding heart and heavy breathing, and when a song by Ariana Grande started playing all over the bright room, you all looked at the already activated camera, shaking your heads and then you got up from the wooden floor.

Itona... was speechless. He has never seen people dancing before, he has never even been interested in others, only you and what you like. Today he got to know your little passion, which turned out to be a breathtaking talent, and the boy wondered if you could do anything else; are you good at one specific dance genre or are you able to move your body in a completely different rhythm than he currently saw?

From Koro-sensei’s history lessons, when you two were in junior high, the eighteen-year-old remembered perfectly well that there is also classical dance, tango and breakdance. So could you also do that? He had to ask you about it later.

But now his curious gaze was focused on you and your huge, radiant smile, and the sound of feet hitting the ground. He also looked at your legs, tiny hands, stomach, and hair, while he wondered if he might learn to dance too, to be even closer to you and your hobby. After all, you looked so beautiful and so joyful... He wanted to share these emotions.

[ruby-whistler]

Alright curious anon here. All this is /dsmp /rp from here on out unless otherwise specified and is refering to characters. If i make any mistakes or am misinformed please let me know! So by the cat was nothing compared to mushroom henry i was meaning more toward the fact that the cow was killed as a punishment for something not worth or ok for it to be killed for at all and the fact that it belonged to tommy, wheareas the cat was killed more to annoy dream and belonged to tommy. (1/?)

alright then another lengthy reply, here i come! /lh /dsmp /rp

Dream also did not seem to mourn the cat much, shrugging it off with a "just more motivation to break out".

it was killed to hurt dream, not to "annoy him". it doesn't matter who it belonged to, c!dream was attached to it and it died, which had an effect on him and also further proved his point about attachments being weakness and caring getting you hurt, and it's still very sad.

you say that it was not ok at all to kill mooshroom henry, but the cat's death wasn't ok either, so i really don't see your point.

again, i disagree it was "nothing compared to" either way. i never meant to compare them in the first place, i was simply talking about the cat and c!dream so i don't see why it is in any way necessary to drag c!tommy and other dead pets into this. /nm

also, it isn't true he didn't mourn it. he is a very reserved person who doesn't show his feelings much, that's true, but the cat death still changed the way he acted afterwards, as well as the attempts he made to prevent it. he didn't "shrug it off", he yelled about it because he was understandably upset.

You mentioned that propganda was used to make dream seem like a tyrant, could you specify a bjt? Cus im a little confused srry /gen. Because the most i can remember from the lmanburg era at least is him being called a b'tch or other similar insults. You also mentioned how trauma responses can be differet which is true! I agree! Do you have any ideas to what caused dream the trauma?

wilbur would continuously make him out to be some sort of oppressive, tyrannical force, in front of his troops - a prime example of this being the lyrics of the l'manberg anthem itself and the l'manberg declaration of independence.

actually! here's a nice thread about l'manberg's establishment complete with links, timestamps and evidence :]

i also said in my previous post what could've possibly caused it, but since the character intentionally hides his emotions from the public, it would be difficult to see how things really affected him - which is why the way his spiral went is the majority of the evidence that would imply it, however it does make sense within the story as well with what i mentioned last time.

I would like to note that for sapnap at least had reason to leave dream. Some examples off the top of my head are dream leading an angry fundy to sapnap's pets on purpose, resulting in some deaths, dream assisting tommy in burning down sapnap's effiel tower where he got engaged to karl, and dream giving tommy either mars or the other fish at the battle of the lake. Idk about george tho other then the whole mexican lmanburg/el rapids thing and decrowning him

c!sapnap was actually at fault for most of this, and it wasn't really ever betrayal on c!dream's part.

c!dream is a mediator and he wants to stop everyone's conflict - c!fundy was angry because of c!sapnap's actions, and hence it made more sense for c!dream to centre him on c!sapnap's animals instead of running around killing everyone's pets (at that time, all c!dream knew was c!sapnap did something really bad and c!fundy wanted beckerson / mars from him, which were also his and c!george's fish).

c!sapnap was an instigator, and in multiple conflicts during the time as well as before he'd align himself against c!dream. he isn't "loyal" per se, he causes chaos and the reason c!dream helped c!tommy was because, c!sapnap, again, killed his pet. the first l'manberg war and then the 16th are signs of the fact that c!dream and c!sapnap were willing to fight together in actual war, but these small conflicts where c!sapnap continuously picked fights weren't about personal loyalty, nor did they seem to affect their relationship at all.

c!george was never really hurt by c!dream either. the dethronement was him very obviously being a guilt-trippy drama queen, but, well, that's just the character. he had stolen the l'mantree while he was supposed to be the diplomatic figure of the greater smp, which is why c!dream was justified in - very politely, may i mention - taking the duties off of him (seeing as he was also trying to keep him safe and c!techno had already assassinated him once).

Im pretty sure i remember cc!sam stating that his character never canonically physically tortured dream during his subathon but take this with a grain of salt as i am looking for the clip currently. So to the best of my knowledge dream did not have a physical contact trigger during tommy's visit which! I rewatched the vod and dream actually was first to hit tommy and i can give you my full writing downs but 10/12 of the phy-

you never finished this point because you had to go do something, but i'll reply to what is here at the moment (i suggest writing these down before sending next time, or even writing them out wholly before sending a single one could help avoid stuff like this).

i am 95% sure that the reason cc!sam stated this was because people were suspicious he had already been doing what c!quackity was doing after - torture within the storyline itself is associated pretty much only with what c!quackity is doing, so that's what he meant, just to clear up confusion - the starvation or terrible conditions haven't been retconned, but it was direct torture (like c!quackity is doing) people were asking him about.

i never said c!dream had a physical contact trigger at all, i don't think he had that, though he probably will after the torture.

huh, ok, i'm gonna have to rewatch then, but i remember c!tommy punching c!dream a lot and him just telling him to stop and only punching back to get him to stop. trigger or not, getting hit isn't very pleasant, if you know what i mean.

You mentioned tommy stealing dream's armor unprovoked. Do you have the vod or a general idea of the time so i can find it? Like before lmanburg after another event so and so because if you do not have it i can find it but any help is appreciated.

i am pretty sure you can find the video on cc!tommy's channel! there are also recaps of the disc war on youtube :]

I wanna talk a little on why the Final Control Room was so messed up. For starters, with the way the room was designed. It was small, and had labeled, empty chests with each person's name on them as a mockery. The next reason is that its bascially a kill box.

It's fairly inescapble with the stairs being ones you have to jump up, slowing anyone who climbs them down. The final reason it is messed up is that it is shown to have caused every person who died in it trauma. With tommy there are several examples, the time he saw it with techno, the way he refuses to go near it, the exposure trauma, etc. Fundy also appears to have trauma, as when the Red Banquet executions began, it can be seen as him being afraid of dying last again.

It can Be thought as tubbo having trauma because he buries most of his issues and pretends to be ok. Moreover this event took at least one of each person's canon lives, making it the most canon lives lost EVER in a dream smp event. (This is not hate on any of the ccs btw i loved this scene and its one of my personal favorites). Plus the fact Eret's betrayal just literally happened, giving at least Tommy and Wilbur canonic trust issues.

i wouldn't call the chests mockery? it was a trap. people had traps on the smp before. it was a trap in the middle of war, supposed to end said war by killing them all at once rather than individually which would be a lot more bloody and difficult.

i agree c!tommy and other people might have post-war trauma, especially if they were young during the time, but i think that's because the final control room was "messed up", moreso because the war itself was. it all happened fairly instantly as well? i don't think c!fundy would be able to realize he was the last one standing within the two second before he wasn't.

it "can be thought" and it can be interpreted like that but besides c!tommy there isn't much evidence for them "all" being traumatized by the final control room. of course betrayal would spark trust issues, i understand that.

The probation was humiliating in my opinion because dream was Sending tommy anatgonizing messages through out the whole meeting, plus he had to write a review of his day every single day, which fundy mocked him for.

i mean, it was definitely a strike to his pride, but he was being extremely uncooperative so i don't really blame the other members of new l'manberg trying to teach him to listen for once? of course i know c!dream was riling him up, and that should definitely be considered. i don't think it would be as humiliating if c!tommy didn't make it, is what i'm saying.

for the tommy being toxic to fundy? At least for the examples you gave, to me personally they come acoross as either in a meta way being the cc's bantering or in canon being the characters having banter. If you can send the post with the clips so i can read the tone better that would be cool but if not i will try and find em.

no, these were all in canon. canon isn't only when c!tommy is being nice, it's also when he's being a jerk. /lh

the first one was him threatening c!fundy about kicking him out of l'manberg and undermining his self-worth, and the second one was him trying to get c!sapnap to vote for them via bullying c!fundy.

i found these from a transcript focusing on c!fundy's character, so i don't know exactly where the first one is from, but the second one i am pretty sure is from when the elections were starting with the whole cabinet battle deal and all of that.

there are other instances, and all of them are canon. his personality was never being nice or compassionate, so i'm not really surprised? he still cares about the people he cares about and is very brave, y'know. but this part of his personality is definitely a valid reason for people to dislike him.

I hope the exam went well :). Hope u have a great day! (Ps i think theres something called a submission box to send in pictures? Am not entirely sure sry)

it would've gone well but my work-speed is a tad too slow for the schooling system (considering i'm three years younger than my classmates,,, probably that's also a factor) so probably not despite the fact i knew everything and would've aced it if i only had more time. i did as well as i could so i'm not worried about it, but thanks!

i think you're thinking submissions. sadly, i tested it and it doesn't work on anons, so idk how you'd solve that, maybe make a burner account?

Curious anon here one point you may wanna include in the redemption essay is that c!tubbo or c!tommy do not necessarily have to forgive him. What's important is that he recognizes what he did was wrong (exile, beating tommy to death, manipulating them both, etc) and does his best to make amends. Hope this helps! Can't wait to see your essay

it's out, idk if you've seen it yet, and i think i included enough of that so hope it's all good! :)

the mcc update video is out if you are an mcc enjoyer. It's very neat, if you wanna check it out

yeah! i am a fellow mcc enjoyer, saw it already, thanks for telling me though, i'm really hype for today.

Allo curious anon here sorry if the lots of asks bother you. I was just curious if i could share an interesting post i saw today about c!dream :0 (not necessarily negative i think? More of a statement of an often-confused canon)

sure thing! i don't know what you mean by often-confused since, the entire fanbase is very confused always, and often selection bias plays into the perception from both sides, but sure :]

you also sent in a thing for the other anon who said they didn't know what c!dream did that bad; pretty sure they couldn't really be alerted since, not sure if they watch my blog that closely, but i'll summarize your points just in case and add some notes;

the repeated blowing up of l'manberg (in my mind that's largely a positive since i,, despise that country, but fair enough), revealed c!ranboo as a traitor (they seem to be friends so i also,, think that might've been planned between him and enderboo), sent ghostbur away (i don't think c!dream knew it was dangerous for him and wanted to actually hurt him, but idk), participated in fighting against c!sapnap when he killed people's pets (that's only negative against c!sapnap and didn't seem to hurt him much at all), and then the whole vault scene where he was allegedly planning to steal people's things (though saying he would & being stopped beforehand and doing it are two different things, frankly).

so i still agree with the other anon that a lot of the hurt he did "to the entire server" (he only negatively interacted with like,, a half of them) is exaggerated both by the characters and the fandom, but i guess that's a consequence of most people seeing him as a threat to everyone's happiness rather than a complex personality.

Also he was aware of the butcher army going to kill techno but only got involved because he saw an opportunity to get a favor. (As he knew in advance due to him telling techno to get a totem, watching from afar instead of interveing or manipulating tubbo out of it)

i don't understand this at all, i'm sorry. how do you know he only helped techno in order to get a favor? last i remember he was only doing it to protect and strengthen his alliance, and techno came up with the whole favor thing entirely on his own. you might've not watched techno's perspective or their prior interactions, idk, but this really is a misinterpretation in my eyes. /nm

sorry if that is overly dream negative i just wanted to let yall know cus you seemed unaware -curious anon

nah dw, i watch the smp and i watched all of these things happen so, wouldn't say unaware, but thanks.

[nutty1005]

Uniquely Him – Xiao Zhan: The biggest monster to defeat is himself

Translator’s Note: This article comes from ELLE Magazine 2019 Jan Issue.

He learned drawing since elementary school, drawing planets and monsters were his obsession, firmly believing in the existence of aliens. As a lively, vivid and exemplary person, he radiates a sense of security from someone dependable, and yet he has a worldly wisdom of one who knows the ways of the world but prefers not to practice it. 

He learned drawing since young, drawing planets and monsters were his obsession. When he watched Martians in movies as a child, his wild imagination gave him a battle with monsters. At that time, he was a boy who was especially fascinated with space, and believed firmly that aliens existed. When he saw news on UFOs, he was excited, curious, but also afraid – would the aliens be friendly with us?

After he read “The Three-Body Problem”, this feeling grew stronger. While exclaiming the broadness of the author’s imagination and how grand the universe is, he researched on the theories and explanations in the novel, as well as on astronomy. Xiao Zhan also imagined how the subjects in “The Three-Body Problem” would look like, “looks like an engineer, perhaps he wears spectacles, he must have a highly progressed mind, great mechanical skills, but probably useless in everyday life, just like Sheldon in ‘The Big Bang Theory’.”

The cruel logic behind all the glitz

Seated in front of the window in the hotel room, his long narrow eyes, puffy and red, Xiao Zhan just finished a day’s filming, and was accepting our interview in a layer of thick winter coat. His attitude was polite, and all around him was the vividness of youth – this made a huge impression.

He had his own studio when he was in year 2 of university, and became a designer after graduating – exemplary student Xiao Zhan’s most glorious moment was being able to design logos in projects with his seniors while he was still an intern, and the client eventually chose his design. Life as a designer lasted until 2015 – his university teacher recommended him to participate in “X-Fire” (TN: A talent search variety show) and he debuted, and since then, his life went onto a different track, becoming one of the hottest idols currently.

Actually, the challenge of becoming an artist is not much different from fighting monsters – since you receive flowers and applause, you would also receive gossip and rumors. His life had been smooth sailing till this, and this confused him for a while, “When the competition ended, there was some dissenting voices, I didn’t quite understand then. Now I’m more at peace, because when you choose a career, you need to learn to accept it. People will like you, and there will be people who won’t.”

However, the cruel logic behind all the glitz was something he could not have imagined. “Audiences do not see what you’ve experienced along the way, they would only judge you based on the final results.” He was filming his first period movie, being outdoors in the mountains at -10°C+ was a daily norm, “We’re filming by the river, everyday we could see the ice slowly form up, today the river is totally frozen, we could walk on it. Basically after every scene I have to cover my face with a warm water bag, otherwise my face would be numb from the cold and become uncontrollable.” And because today there was a scene to scream and shout, Xiao Zhan’s voice was already hoarse.

Xiao Zhan could overcome all this suffering and exhaustion well, the biggest monster he wanted to fight were his self imposed restrictions. “Just now I was thinking while doing make-up, that actually celebrities are like a product, packaged by make-up and styles in order to polish this product. I will bring forth my best to my audiences, but yet I don’t want to over package myself, the real me needs to be in it. I wish that everyone, while accepting my glorious exterior as a celebrity, would also accept my flaws and quirks, since after all, I am a vivid person.”

This sincerity and clarity is where Xiao Zhan’s wisdom lies.

“There is no grandiose in my life”

2018 is the year of rapid growth for Xiao Zhan, he had main roles in various dramas, such as “The Wolf”, “Joy of Life”, “The Untamed”, etc – honing his acting and radiating his presence.

As the lead actor in “The Untamed”, Xiao Zhan’s load was heavy and his filming schedule was tight – filming under the ceaseless summer heat in Hengdian, his mind was always tense. The temperatures in the set was as high as 50°C, the make-up could not stay on, and he filmed most scenes barefaced. The most unforgettable scene was a crying scene – Wei Wuxian, portrayed by Xiao Zhan, had an explosive emotional scene after the massacre of the Jiang family. This scene started filming in the morning, he and Jiang Yanli started crying since 7 a.m. and after they were done, their eyes were as swollen as that of goldfishes. Before this, he was filming “The Wolf” – he systematically took performance classes and grew rapidly in during the filming. “Familiar set and environment, learning to adjust to the nerves and tension, especially since there were hundreds of people servicing you on set, you can do no mistakes.” Xiao Zhan radiates this sense of security from someone dependable. “The Wolf” was his first time as a main supporting role, and he was under tremendous pressure during that period, he often dreamed of acting on set. After every scene he would request for everyone to provide feedback, and then he would learn continuously, analyze and quickly adjust.

After that he had his first cat of his life, a munchkin named Jianguo (TN: Jianguo means nut). After the performance teacher learned about this, one of the homework he gave Xiao Zhan was for him to observe his cat. As a cat-lover, he reveled in the it, “I found out some things that I overlooked, like you will find out that when she’s angry, affectionate or hungry her expression and calls are different.” Xiao Zhan was exceptionally loving to his cat – the first thing he did when after a day’s work was to go home and play with his cat. His private life was quiet and simple, he just stays at home. “The feeling of staying at home is like falling into a cloud, you could roll around as you like, there is no pressure.”

“There is no grandiose in my life.” This was what he felt that gave people the sense of security. His parents, while supportive of his career, were also worried, hence Xiao Zhan often communicated with them, sharing his career successes, helping them be at ease.

In the whole conversation, Xiao Zhan had the purity and enthusiasm belonging uniquely to a youth, and there was this sense of extraordinary realness in him. “Whether or not I want to be an idol, I don’t actually have a choice, the label of an idol is already on me, just that I want to slowly shed off the label of an idol, and become an actor accepted by audiences, so that they can see more of my inner self.”

“I especially dislike public proclamations, you have to pace your life.”

ELLE: What type of boyfriend do you think you are? XZ: I am the boyfriend who is more considerate of the other person, if there were to be my other half in the future, when she’s busy, upset or happy, or wants me to do something, I’ll try to accompany her the way she likes it.

ELLE: Are you the gentle puppy type of boyfriend? XZ: There’s definitely a dominating side, but if you were to be dominating everyday, how do you live? When you have the other half, the most important things are responsibility and trust. (After having a cat, do you think you’re a good dad?) I feel yes, from taking care of my cat.

ELLE: What type of girls do you most want to date? XZ: In many interviews before I spoke about warm, gentle and family-loving girls, but I feel that it still comes down to chemistry, and this is something unpredictable.

ELLE: If you are currently dating a girl, how would you hope to spend Valentine’s Day? XZ: Stay at home, and cook together. There’s a phrase about when you love the right person, every day’s Valentine’s Day, why do you have to spend that day in the crowd with everyone. Being an artist is quite particular, and quite tiring, I have to go back to live my life. If everyday has to be vigorous and stirring, there’s no way to live. No one can act everyday, I especially dislike public proclamations, I feel that you have to pace your life.

ELLE: If we give you a holiday now, what would you do? XZ: Go home and rest, with my parents, and then play with my cat.

ELLE: Are you a typical Libra? XZ: I don’t think so, I don’t have difficulties in choosing, when I spot something I want to buy, I’ll just buy. But sometimes I’ll be stuck in things that I care about, for example the scene I did today, if I’m not satisfied with it, I will think about it from morning till night, and annoy the others around me with my nagging.