#i love writing joel so shy and fumbling over his words

[bluebeary-jay]

CONGRATS!!! 1000 FOLLOWERS IS SO AWESOME AND I'M HAPPY FOR YOU!!🥰🩷

For the celebration I'm thinking Joel has lived in Jackson for months and has a bad reputation so people mostly avoid him and he always keeps to himself. BUT reader is the exception, always with a big smile and really polite to him (and he has a terrible crush on her). She always sees him alone at the bar looking around and seeming dislocated and decides to ask him "may I have this dance" cause she likes him too, but he panic and refuses. Later he realizes he's missing his chance with her and tries to fix it. Just some nice fluff (with age gap please🙏)

HIIIII SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT NONNIE

(okay so I'm back-ish, I apologize to everyone for disappearing but i had a rough couple of weeks and had to deal with a lot of stuff. i actually finished this fic some time ago but didn't have strength to post it but i'm more ready now so here you go <3 i hope you'll like it, i had a lot of fun writing it!! and thank you for requesting!! love you 🥰)

Joel Miller was a recluse. Everyone knew that, though not many were aware that he didn’t exactly choose this kind of life for himself.

He really hoped that things would get better after he settled down in Jackson with Ellie, but the residents of the town made it very clear that they didn’t want his company. It stung a little, especially since Joel didn’t think he gave them any reason to be wary of him, but he hid his hurt well. With time he got used to nasty whispers, people giving him a wide berth and basically everyone but Tommy and Ellie avoiding him. It was unpleasant, sure, but he learned to just deal with it.

Well, there was also you.

Joel had no clue what your deal was. Why you weren’t shying away from him like your fellow peers and why you went out of your way to always catch him into a conversation or smile at him whenever you saw him.

“I think she’s crushin’ on ya,” Tommy told him once during a dinner at his house. Ellie and Maria weren’t present, the latter showing the teen some clothes she might want – and thank fuck for that. Joel would murder his little brother if he said such nonsense in their presence.

“The hell you’re talkin’ about?” he spluttered, his eyebrows furrowed when Tommy sent him a smug, knowing grin. The question was completely unnecessary, of course, since they were already talking about you, but still Joel hoped he somehow misinterpreted his brother’s words.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Joel.” He sprawled out on the chair, still with that stupid smirk. “I really think she’s into you. I’d ask her out if I were you.”

“There’s no… I assure you she isn’t.”

“But if she was–”

“She’s not. Now can I eat my meal in peace?” Joel placed his hands on the table, but Tommy shook his head.

“But you like her, right? She’s nice.”

Joel sighed. “Yeah, she is.”

“And pretty.”

That Joel didn’t fall for. He glared at his brother.

“Jesus, Tommy, let me have it. I’m lucky she even wants to talk to me, with all her friends tellin’ her I’m bad news and me being half her age older.”

His eyes became solemn and voice took a lower, quieter tone, which told Tommy the matter was hitting Joel harder than he let on. He sat up straight, getting rid of the teasing smile.

“Alrigh’. Sorry for bringin’ it up.” Joel sighed and nodded, signifying that everything was okay. “I just want you to be happy, y’know. Maybe you should give yourself a chance.”

The older Miller didn’t answer and took a big swig of whiskey out of his glass.

The problem was, he didn’t need Tommy to tell him all that. Joel would have to be blind and stupid not to notice how breathtakingly beautiful you are, and this, combined with your intelligence, passion and sense of humor, was his ultimate undoing. Every time he talked with you, it was all he could do to hide the redness in his cheeks and the weakness in his knees.

But he did. ‘Cause, let’s be real – even though Joel recognized he had a terrible crush on you (though it took him weeks to make peace with this fact) he knew there was no way in hell you’d find him even a fraction as attractive as he found you. He was almost twice your age,  for heaven’s sake, and such a young, gorgeous woman as you would never agree to throw her life away to be with an old man.

But God knew that with each day you broke down his walls, the desire to kiss you was becoming more and more agonizing. Every smile you sent his way worked only to feed his imagination of how soft your lips would surely be if he could only brush his thumb across it, not to mention touch them with his own. He wondered how your hands, so much smaller than his calloused ones, would feel on his stomach or shoulders. How it would be to embrace you with his arms, skin to skin and without any layers in-between.

Those were not the thoughts he should be having, especially in public – yet here he was, several days after his conversation with Tommy, imagining impossible while he watched you laughing on the dance floor with your friend. You looked so carefree, so happy and full of life, your energy only reminding Joel sourly of his own old age.

He noticed you glancing his way several times throughout the evening but he knew it didn’t mean anything, it would never mean anything other than your innocent friendliness. So he just quickly looked away lest you realize he was staring.

Joel took a swing from his glass and looked around the bar, trying to take his mind off you – fruitlessly. His eyes still darted back to you every few seconds, involuntarily roaming over your exposed skin visible under the nice outfit you picked for tonight. It was driving Joel insane with longing and need, and all he could think of was the mental image of how kissing and touching you gently would feel like.

Bet you’d feel so perfect under his palms.

He closed his eyes and propped up his forehead on his fist, trying to tune out the music and all the distracting background noises.

Keep it together. 

He had to remember that he was way too old to be this enamored with a young, pretty girl like you. You would surely be repulsed if you had any clue about what was going on in his head, and some of the thoughts he had–

Then, Joel felt a light touch on his shoulder and lo and behold – there you were, standing right in front of him with a bright smile, as if summoned by his thoughts.

“Hi,” you said, tilting your head in that endearing way that made his insides tighten. “What are you doing here alone, cowboy?”

Joel prayed that he wasn’t blushing, though his hope diminished increasingly when your eyes wandered curiously across his features. Your eyebrows rose slightly and he cursed internally.

Fuck, you were so beautiful.

“M’not…” He cleared his throat and started again. “M’waitin’ for Tommy. He had to sort somethin’ out with… uh, someone.” He drummed his fingers against the table but stopped immediately, not wanting to give you an impression that the conversation with you was boring him. “You don’t have to do it, darlin’.”

You gave him a puzzled look, and he explained. “Y’know. Hang out with me. The people like to talk nasty things and I don’t wanna expose you to that.”

“It doesn’t bother me.” You shrugged with a sweet smile which Joel could kill for just to see it one more time. “And I… enjoy spending time with you.“

It didn’t mean anythin’. You were just bein’ friendly.

But even though he kept repeating it to himself like a mantra, Joel could not take his eyes off you. You were a vision – your profile bathed in the soft lights of the bar, your bottom lip between your teeth as you looked over your shoulder, deep in thought, at the stereo tower. The current song’s notes died down and a new one, much slower and romantic, started to play. You took a deep breath and let out a nervous laugh. “Actually I wanted to ask you something. If you don’t mind.”

“Ask away, darlin’.” He offered you a small smile, hoping to put you at ease, and you wetted your lips – which nearly gave him a heart attack and caused him to almost miss your next words.

“May I have this dance?”

Joel’s world stopped for a moment. He was in the middle of lifting the glass of whiskey to his lips but his muscles stiffened and the tumbler slipped out of his cold fingers. It didn’t shatter, but the rich liquid spilled all over the table. Your eyes flickered to the overturned glass, but Joel didn’t pay it any mind, too stunned to look at anything else but you.

“C-come again?” he stuttered, his voice strained and small. In the corner of his eye he noticed people at the next table glancing their way, alarmed by the noise, but he forced his attention back to you.

“This is my favorite song,” you explained shyly, an adorable blush spreading across your cheeks and neck. “So… may I have this dance, Joel?”

Now the people sitting around them definitely heard that, because they started smirking and whispering, and one person went to another group standing nearby on the dance floor. Joel felt his own face growing hot as he watched them pointing not-so-discreetly in his direction.

It was like the most wonderful dream and the most horrible nightmare come true at the same time.

He couldn’t do it. There was no way, not in front of all the people of Jackson who hated and despised him. He didn’t want to give them a show to gossip about or worse, subject you to their disdain.

But you still stood in front of his chair with an innocent, hopeful smile, though you started to shuffle the longer Joel was silent. The song – your favorite, supposedly – was passing in the background but you kept waiting patiently for an answer to your question.

He had to come up with something. Or just explain to you that he doesn’t dance – the sweet little thing you were, you’d probably understand and not pressure him into doing it. At least he hoped so.

C’mon, say somethin’.

“No.”

Your face fell instantly and Joel’s eyes widened at the mortifying realization of what just came out of his mouth.

Anythin’ but THAT.

You stared at him for a couple of seconds in the silence of the bar before your eyes started to glisten and you averted your gaze. Someone to Joel’s left snickered derisively and in the next second whispers erupted all around you two. You seemed to shrink in yourself, embarrassment and regret marking your beautiful face, and Joel’s heart almost broke when a tear slipped from your eye, and then another one fell down your other cheek.

“Okay,” you murmured, wiping the treacherous tears quickly and keeping your gaze trained on the floor. “Sorry. Sorry.”

You turned on your heel and went to exit the establishment, your step gradually turning into a run when the giggles and whispers around you became louder. The door swung open on the winter wind and just like that, you were gone.

Then all eyes turned to Joel – and the shame Joel felt increased at least tenfold.

He saw Tommy standing up and walking toward him from the other side of the room with worry written all over his face, but Joel didn’t stick around to hear what he had to say. He stood up and left through the same door you did, glaring threateningly at anyone stupid enough to still snicker at the situation they witnessed.

Ten minutes later Joel was standing in front of your door, trying to keep his knocking below the ‘desperate’ level.

He realized that he had to tell you. He intended to keep the feelings he harbored for you bottled up for the rest of his life but you needed to know the reason why he turned you down. You needed to hear from him that he cared about you, that it wasn’t some malicious act toward you but sheer cowardice stemming from the problem that he was madly in love with you.

“Hello? It’s… it’s Joel,” he choked out through his tight throat as he knocked again, a little louder this time. “Darlin’, can I talk to you?”

No response came, though he saw the lights in your house were on, and Joel had to take a deeper breath to calm his nerves. He prayed that he hadn’t completely screwed it up, but for now all the evidence spoke against him.

You wanted to dance with him. You gathered your courage just to ask him for a dance and he said no.

Joel knew he lost his chance. He lost you. You were his only friend in town and he somehow managed to fuck everything up with just one word.

He was so lost in his wallowing in despair that he almost missed the door opening slightly. In the gap of the doorway he caught a glimpse of your iris – and though it was only for a split second, Joel could clearly see that your eye was red. A pang of guilt pierced his chest but once you saw it was him, you shut the door again.

“No, darlin’, please. Please, just let me explain.” A wave of desperation and fear threatened to drown him and Joel’s heart clenched in his chest. “I’m so sorry, I acted like an asshole but I never wanted to hurt you, I just… I-I panicked.”

He was babbling, not even knowing if you were still there on the other side of the door, but the desperate and remorseful words were spilling out of him like a waterfall.

“I’m so sorry. Sweetheart…” Joel sighed, putting his hand on the cold wood of the door and listening for a couple of seconds, but there was no sound coming from inside. “Please. I’m beggin’ you, open the door.”

Then he heard something – a sound like blowing one’s nose. Joel froze for one, two… three seconds, and nearly collapsed in relief when you unlocked the door.

“You can come in,” you said, but didn’t meet his eyes. “You’re probably freezing, no?”

Joel nodded, feeling his throat going dry at the sorrowful sight of you. He crossed the threshold, closing the front door quietly behind him and looked you over. You hadn’t changed out of that pretty outfit of yours yet, although it was now covered by a long cardigan that you draped over your shoulders. In your hand you held a crumpled tissue but quickly pocketed it when Joel’s eyes fell on it.

He opened his mouth with a sharp inhale but before he could apologize, you beat him to it.

“I’m sorry for that,” you blurted out and glanced up at him but quickly looked down at the floor again. “I shouldn’t have asked you to dance in front of all those people and I overreacted because then everyone was looking at me… Look, it wasn’t even that big of a deal so don’t read into it. Everything is fine.”

“No, it’s not,” he said softly and you pressed your lips into a thin line. “You have nothin’ to apologize for. I’m sorry for embarrassin’ you. I panicked ‘cause I–”

“It’s fine,” you muttered again. “Just forget it.”

“I can’t. Listen, sweetheart, I panicked ‘cause I wish I could let myself read into it.”

Your head snapped up and Joel swallowed heavily, realizing how stupid that sounded.

“What I mean–” Fuck, he really was shit at talking so openly about these stuff. “I… I have feelings for ya. Had ‘em for a long time now but I never planned on actin’ on ‘em ‘cause I know I’m too old and you’d never…”

“You’re… really?” you asked with wide eyes, but he tuned your words out, fearing that you were going to kick him out at any second.

“I’m only tellin’ you all this ‘cause I need you to know I care about ya and I didn’t say ‘no’ outta malice or… or ‘cause I don’t like you. I do. Too much, I’m afraid.”

You were staring at him, mouth agape and silent. Joel didn’t move, awaiting your reaction – whether you tell him to get out or scream how disgusting he was, he was going to take it. And then, if you never want to see him again, he’ll accept it. One day. But he doubted his heart would ever recover.

“Let me fix it,” he begged, his voice just above a whisper when you didn’t give any reaction to his confession. “Please, darlin’.”

Your eyes skimmed over his face as you hummed to yourself, almost irritably calm. Joel swallowed, the weight of guilt and anticipation pulling him down – and he was ready to fall to his knees before you when finally you lifted your hand to brush his lower lip with your fingertips, so delicately he could barely feel it. He froze and tried not to breathe, not wanting to cause you to pull away.

“I noticed something when you were rambling,” you said with a hint of reflection. Joel had no idea what was happening or why were you acting that way, but he daren’t move. He briefly entertained a thought that he was dreaming, but then his attention got caught by the sight of the corner of your lips twitching slightly, as if you were keeping yourself from laughing.

His chest expanded with hope so strong, it was almost unbearably painful.

“What is it?” he forced himself to speak, the nerves making his voice weak and raspy.

“Your accent gets heavier when you’re nervous,” you mused, as though to yourself, now trailing your fingertips down his stubbly cheek. “It’s cute.”

His heart lurched at your words. You gazed up at him and absently bit your lip, which Joel found downright sinful.

“Do you have any idea how long it took me to gather the courage to make the first move?” Your words were bitter, but there was a trace of relief in your voice. Joel let your fingers wander across the lines of his jaw and cheekbones, wishing he had enough boldness to touch you like that, too, but suddenly, your hand stilled and your eyes met his again. “Did you mean it? The things you said?”

“Yes,” he answered without hesitation, his own fingers twitching as he restrained himself from reaching for you. His head was spinning, trying to comprehend the meaning of your actions and words. “But do you–”

You touched his lips lightly again, silencing his question, and your features slowly were overtaken by a large, bright smile, which seemed to lift all the heavy weight of worry from Joel’s shoulders.

“You wanted to fix it, right?” you asked in a teasing whisper. He nodded. “Then just ask me.”

You weren’t angry. You weren’t pulling away.

You wanted to dance with him and you gathered the courage to do so, and now Joel had to do the same. He couldn’t waste this second chance you gave him.

The corner of his lips quirked upwards and he exhaled shakily.

“May I have this dance?”

You pursed your lips to hide your joy and side-eyed him, but your eyes were sparkling with playfulness. “You know, I think I should respond the same way you did. Just to be fair.”

“Sweetheart, don’t play with this old man’s heart,” he whispered and smiled shyly when you giggled at the exasperation but also uncertainty in his voice. Joel still felt kind of out of it, too stunned to trust his mind that this was really happening – but the sound of your laughter brought him right back to Earth, to the place he wanted to be more than anywhere else.

“You’re lucky I’m feeling generous tonight, Miller.” You took his hand and brought it to your hip, making Joel’s breath hitch in his throat and cheeks grow warm. His reaction didn’t get past you, and you smiled at him so radiantly that his world started to spin. Then your arms wrapped around his neck and you pressed your body against his. “But you’ll have some atoning to do.”

His throat was dry, but Joel returned your shy smile, stepping to the side and guiding you carefully to the thumping rhythm of his heart.

And a couple of minutes later, after more hushed apologies and assurances during your slow-dancing, Joel placed his hand on your cheek, almost letting out a relieved whimper when you nuzzled your face into his palm.

And after another few minutes went by, when he leaned in and you didn’t stop his lips from meeting yours, he knew he was a goner.

He couldn’t get rid of the big smile on his face – perhaps the first real one since arriving in Jackson all those months ago.

[theetherealbloom]

BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM - CH.2

Chapter 2: ​​Just Screeching Tires And True Love

Summary: After harboring a crush on your dad's charming best friend, Joel Miller, you graduate college only to be confused by something he supposedly said to you, but then he and his daughter Sarah, reluctantly move away due to his work. Six months later, Joel returns to town, and you're desperate to confirm if his words were real. Both you and your dad eagerly await his arrival but for entirely different reasons. As feelings intensify, you realize that falling for him might not be temporary after all.

Paring: Dbf!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst, AGE-GAP Romance, Reader is Early twenties and Joel is in his late 30s to early 40s, Secret Romance, Sneaking Around, FLUFF, LOTS OF SMUT, SMUT, SMUT, Heavy Make Out Session, Oral Fem Receiving, Kissing, Barely any plot, NOT A SLOW BURN AT ALL, Relationship, Swearing, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, Flirting, Flattery, Awkward, Virgin reader, inexperienced reader, slightly Self Deprecating, Suggestive Content, Size Kink, Reader is “smaller” than Joel but no further descriptions, Breeding Kink, PWP (wrap it up), Body worship, declaring their love for each other, 

Word Count: 6.5k

A/N: Oh, wow. I didn’t expect all the love you all gave in the previous chapter. That was my first time writing real, raw, dirty smut. Like IM STILL SO NERVOUS AND SHY to post smut AHSKJFHAHAHA. The introvert in me is like… having a huge anxiety attack rn PLS– 

So, um, chat, I’m actually dyslexic and English isn’t my first language! So I apologize in advance for the spelling and/or grammatical errors. As always, reblogs, comments, and likes are always appreciated. Thank you and happy reading!

Song: But Daddy I Love Him by Taylor Swift

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Joel's skilled hands and tongue explore every inch of your body, knowing that a series of powerful orgasms is the key to preparing you for him.

His fingers and tongue trace a path of pleasure over your skin, and you can't help but respond to his touch. Despite your reservations, you find yourself quickly reaching a boiling point, your body trembling with need.

Joel's touch is like a dream come true, his hands and mouth staking his claim on what's his. He takes his time undressing you, savoring every moment of this intimate moment.

As you lay back, your legs wrapped around his shoulders, Joel's tongue delves deep inside you, exploring every inch of your slick folds. His mouth moves over your clit with the same skill and passion as his lips on yours.

You try to whisper his name, to tell him something, anything, but every time he shifts his mouth to ask if you're okay, you can only shiver and gasp, your body trembling with pleasure.

Joel's touch is like a drug, and you find yourself quickly becoming addicted to the feeling of his hands and mouth on your body. You lose yourself in the moment, surrendering to the pleasure that only Joel can bring you.

Joel can't help but feel the overwhelming urge to bury himself deep inside you, to feel your slick heat surrounding him.

His balls are heavy and tight, his cock twitching against his jeans as he fights the urge to climax.

But despite his own desire, Joel remains focused on your pleasure, his tongue exploring every inch of your body as you shudder and moan beneath him.

You are a vision of beauty, your skin flushed and glowing with the aftermath of your climax.

Joel's own need is intense, but he holds back, wanting to make sure you're fully satisfied before he takes his own pleasure.

"I need you, darlin'," he groans, his body pressed against yours as he fumbles with his zipper.

But when you speak up, he stops, his body tensing with anticipation.

"What is it?" he pants, his heart racing as he tries to hold back his own climax.

You look worried, and Joel can't help but feel a pang of concern.

"This is what you want?" he asks, his voice low and gentle.

You nod, but there's still a hint of worry in your eyes.

"Buttercup, what is it?" he presses, his concern growing.

But when you tell him, his heart swells with emotion.

"I've never been with anyone before, Joel," you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Joel feels a surge of protectiveness and love, knowing that he's the first person to ever touch you in this way.

Joel's heart swells with emotion as you confess your virginity. He pulls you close, kissing your forehead as he whispers reassurances.

"No, I don't mind, darlin'," Joel reassures you, his voice filled with tenderness and desire. "It means you'll be mine, and I'll be your first."

You still look uncertain, but the hunger in your eyes tells Joel everything he needs to know.

His cock strains against his jeans, eager to be freed, aching to be inside you. Joel smiles, a mix of pride and desire filling him as he sees your attraction to him.

"We can go as fast or slow as you want, darlin'," he whispers, his hands finding your hips as he settles back between your legs.

But you have other plans. Your arms pull him close, your voice a breathless plea, "Yes, yes please, now."

Joel's heart races as he finds his zipper and frees his cock, the tip swollen and eager, ready for you.

"You sure?" he asks, his hands trembling with anticipation as you nod, your desire written all over your face.

With a swift movement, Joel sheds his flannel, revealing his soft yet toned body, his full erection standing proud and ready for you.

"Oh, fuck, Joel," you murmur, your eyes widening at the sight of him, the intensity of the moment hitting you.

As you both revel in the anticipation of what's to come, a distant rumble breaks the moment - a truck, your father's truck, parked outside.

Panic sets in as you realize the situation, the urgency of the moment propelling you both into a frenzy of dressing, the need for secrecy driving you to move quickly.

In a rush of movement, you both scramble to get dressed, the interruption leaving you both breathless and on edge, the promise of what was about to happen hanging in the air.

You hear the heavy steps of your father approaching the porch, the sound echoing through the house before the bell rings. Joel watches you quickly compose yourself, smoothing down your hair and adjusting your clothes, trying to appear composed despite the heated moment you both shared.

You move to Joel's kitchen, pretending to search through his pantry, your heart racing with the intensity of the situation.

Joel doesn't rush to answer the door, but your father is already there, a bag in hand, when he does.

"Joel, you okay, buddy?" Your father's voice fills the room, and Joel responds with a casual tone, "Yeah, yeah. Your daughter is in the kitchen helping me unpack some stuff. Come on in."

The air is thick with tension as your father enters, unaware of the charged atmosphere between you and Joel. You exchange a quick glance, a silent understanding passing between you as you both navigate hiding your shared secret.

"Hey, Dad, how was work?" You ask, trying to keep your tone casual and light.

Your father hands Joel one of his bags, his eyes flicking between the two of you, a hint of suspicion in his gaze.

"Anything interesting happen today?" You ask, trying to keep the conversation flowing.

Your father shrugs, his eyes still on you and Joel. "Just the usual," he says, his tone nonchalant, but his gaze lingering on the two of you.

"Well, I came over to check in… and tell you two that we should start prepping dinner soon," he says, breaking the tension. "Sweetie, why don't you help set up the table while I take over and help Joel finish up over here?"

"Yeah, sure thing, Dad," you say and your father smiles and you give one more glance over at him and Joel before leaving.

As you close the front door of Joel’s home and step off the porch, you take a deep breath and sigh, your heart racing with the fear of being caught.

You quietly position yourself near the edge of the house, just out of sight, listening in on the conversation between Joel and your father.

You feel your body flooded with anxiety, knowing that you need to make sure your father doesn't discover your secret with Joel.

You don't want him to find out or jump to conclusions before you and Joel have had a chance to define your relationship.

As you listen, you can hear the regret in your father's voice, and although Joel's tone is clear, your father's is softer, more subdued.

You can feel the weight of unspoken tension in the air, a heaviness that hangs between your father and Joel.

"It's fine, man, it really is," Joel reassures your dad, his voice calm and steady, a stark contrast to the unease that lingers.

Your father's repeated apologies have left you puzzled, his behavior out of character and leaving you wondering what's truly bothering him.

"So, what's eatin’ you?" Joel's voice cuts through the silence, his tone firm yet compassionate. "It's like you have a bug up my ass since I got here. C'mon, out with it," he urges, his directness surprising you.

As you listen in on the conversation, you can't help but feel a mix of emotions. You're concerned for your dad, who seems to be struggling with feelings of jealousy and insecurity.

"I dunno, Joel. It's just seeing you this time around, hearing how well you've done. And with my own business not doing as well… Fuck, man. Can ya blame a guy for wondering where he went wrong?" your father admits.

Joel responds with kindness and understanding, offering to help your father financially if he needs it.

"I told you, name the amount or just say the word. I'll cut you a check right now," Joel says, his voice steady and reassuring.

You get the sense that they had a lengthy conversation at the home office earlier, and Joel had seen firsthand the state of your father's business.

Despite your own worries, you can't help but feel a sense of pride in Joel's unwavering support for your father, even in the face of his own success.

"I don't want your charity, Joel," your dad says, his voice heavy with frustration. "I want...I guess I want the past twenty years back so I could do it differently. Do it better for my daughter. You know?"

Your heart aches for your dad, for all that he's done for you, putting family first even when it's just the two of you. It's what gets him out of bed every morning.

"I understand," Joel replies, his voice soothing. "But you've done your best, and now it's time for me to do mine. Movin’ back here isn't just about hangin’ out. I'm here to support you, whether you like it or not. So quit being stubborn and let me help."

Your dad goes quiet, and you realize that you've been eavesdropping for too long. You start to move away, not wanting to intrude on their conversation, but you hear your dad say something that stops you in your tracks.

"Joel, all those years ago. After her mom left and I had nothin'. We had nothin'. Remember who set me up in that little auto shop?"

Your interest is piqued. Anything to do with the past is interesting to you because your dad absolutely refuses to ever talk about it.

"It was you, Joel, all of it, and you know it. Hell, even Tommy helped us. If it wasn't for you and him, all the hard work you put in, paying off that damned loan, my daughter and I wouldn't be where we are today. And there's no way she would've gone to college."

Your dad's voice breaks off, full of emotion. And you hear Joel shifting his weight across the room.

"C'mon, we've been through this a million times. That damn loan was to get both of us started, remember? And we always said whoever paid it back first would never owe the other a fuckin’ penny. Remember?"

As you listen to your dad and Joel's conversation, you can't help but feel a mix of emotions. You're happy to learn about the support and friendship that exists between them, but you're also surprised that you're only hearing about it now.

"I remember," your dad groans, and you realize that it's time for you to leave them to have a private conversation.

As you make your way home, you can't help but wonder about Joel's past and the ways in which he's helped your family over the years. You're grateful for his generosity, but you're also a little shocked that you're only hearing about it now.

A night of many firsts for you, it seems. But your first time with Joel is obviously going to have to wait.

As you walk away, you can't help but feel a sense of anticipation. You know that Joel wants to tell your dad about your relationship, and you can see why. They used to share everything, including start-up money.

You guess that Joel wants what you want too - to have your dad as a part of the family for all of you.

But the shock of it all might cost more than you think, especially if your dad is as stubborn about you being with Joel as he is with everything else.

For now, you can only wait and see how things unfold, hoping what you have with Joel will be strong enough to weather any storm that comes your way.

"So, sweetie, did you have fun over at Joel’s?" Your dad asks, his innocent question sending a jolt of panic through you.

You choke on your food, feeling Joel's eyes on you from across the table. You quickly take a sip of water, trying to compose yourself. "Sorry... just... I... that went down the wrong pipe. Um, yeah, it was fun, a bit tiring though, kinda like a whole workout," you manage to say, your voice slightly shaky.

Unbeknownst to your dad, Joel shoots you a knowing wink, his smirk sending a thrill through you. You focus on your plate, trying to avoid any more embarrassing slip-ups.

As you try to eat, your mind races with thoughts of Joel. The simple act of 'being neighbors' suddenly feels like an impossible task. You can't shake the desire you feel for him, the hunger for his touch burning hot within you.

There's an obvious tension around the table, an aura of unspoken desire. You know there's no way you can make it through dinner without giving in to the overwhelming attraction you feel for Joel. It would take a miracle to resist the pull between you.

Thankfully, the universe seemed to be on your side as Joel's phone suddenly rang, interrupting the tension at the table.

"Sorry... gotta take this. It's Sarah," Joel said, his voice sheepish as he excused himself from the table.

You couldn't help but perk up at the mention of Sarah's name, smiling as you said, "Tell her hi for me please."

Joel easily slid his chair out and moved into the living room to answer his phone, his low voice a comforting presence as he greeted Sarah.

Your dad's suspicious gaze lingered on you for a moment, but you stayed quiet, focusing on your food. The anxiety bubbling up inside of you was making you dizzy, but you tried your best to push it aside and enjoy the meal.

As Joel talked on the phone, you couldn't help but feel a sense of relief. The interruption had given you a moment to collect yourself and regain your composure.

But even as you ate, your mind was still consumed with thoughts of Joel. The desire you felt for him was overwhelming, and you knew that it was only a matter of time before you gave in to the temptation.

Joel returns to the dining area, still on the phone, and hands it to you with a dramatic grumble. "Sarah wants to talk to you."

Your eyebrows shoot up in happy surprise, and you take the phone, excitedly greeting Sarah. "Hi Sarah! Miss you loads, I'm so excited you're moving back here."

Sarah squeals with delight, "You'll be there to pick me up from the airport tomorrow afternoon, right? With my dad?"

"Mhm! I'll be there, Joel is borrowing my car in the meantime." You assure her, smiling as you hear her excitement. "See you then!"

You say your goodbyes and hand the phone back to Joel, who resumes his call and says goodbye to Sarah.

As you head back into the dining area, you notice your dad has been busy on his phone, looking through his emails.

The tension from earlier has dissipated, replaced with a sense of excitement for Sarah's return.

But even as you chat with your dad, your mind is still consumed with thoughts of Joel. The desire you feel for him is overwhelming, and you can't help but steal glances at him throughout the meal.

As dinner winds down, Joel stands up, exchanging a hug and a pat on the back with your dad before turning to you. He pulls you into a warm embrace, his arms wrapping around you in a tight squeeze.

The electricity between you is palpable, the air thick with anticipation. You can't help but feel a rush of excitement as you look into Joel's eyes, knowing that the night is far from over.

With a lingering touch and a whispered promise, Joel leaves you with a sense of longing and desire, eager to see what the rest of the evening holds for the two of you.

Your dad checks in on you before he retires to his room, a habit from when you were a child. But tonight, your mind is elsewhere, consumed with thoughts of Joel.

As you lie in bed, your heart races, and your body aches for his touch. You know that sleep is impossible until you're in his arms.

After what feels like hours of tossing and turning, you decide to take matters into your own hands. Quietly, you slip out of bed, grabbing your phone, putting on your shoes and a sweater over your sleep shirt and shorts.

You listen at your dad's door, hearing the deep rhythm of his snoring, signaling that he's fast asleep.

With a sense of determination, you make your way to the back of the house and slip out the door, making your way up to Joel's porch.

If you were unsure about rushing into things a few hours ago, a sleepless night and the lingering ache between your legs are enough to convince you that you don't just want it - you need it.

The anticipation builds with every step, your heart pounding in your chest as you approach his door. You take a deep breath, ready to see where the night will take you.

Before you have the chance to knock, the door swings open, revealing Joel in nothing but grey sweatpants, his broad shoulders, soft belly and toned chest on full display.

Your breath hitches in your throat as you take in the sight of him, your body responding instantly to his presence.

"Well, hello there, darlin’" Joel says, his voice low and seductive. "Was wonderin’ when you'd show up.”

Without a word, you step forward, closing the distance between you and Joel. Your hands reach up to touch his bare chest, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips.

"I need you," you whisper, your voice filled with desire.

Joel's eyes darken with lust, and he pulls you closer, his lips crashing down on yours in a passionate kiss. The sound of the front door slamming shut and him locking it echoes through the room as he doesn't remove his mouth from yours.

As you lose yourself in the moment, you know that tonight is the beginning of something new and exciting - a chance to escape the mundane and embrace the passion that burns between you and Joel.

Even though you're still a little tender from your earlier encounter, you're confident that you can handle him. You think. Maybe not all of him, but at least half of what you saw earlier.

The anticipation builds as Joel's hands explore your body, his touch setting your skin on fire. You whimper, your voice cracking and your body even buckling as he pulls you closer to him.

Your whole body is exploding with arousal, flushing through you all the way to where you need him most.

Your hands claw at his chest, and feeling his heart pounding hard against it, followed by the unmistakable feeling of his stiff erection probing you, you know you’re on the same page.

"I wanted it to be special," Joel says, almost sounding disappointed.

"It will be special," you counter, daringly running the flat of your palm up the front of his jeans, making him groan in a low tone.

"I meant somewhere special… not here," he reasons.

"I don't care where we do it, Joel. Bent over your couch, against the wall, on the kitchen counter - I just need you inside me," you gasp, your breath hitching with desire.

His strong arms effortlessly lift you off your feet in one swift motion, his muscles flexing as he carries you towards the bedroom.

"Then it's the bedroom," he growls, his voice low and commanding, as he strides purposefully up the stairs, his gaze locked on yours.

In this moment, you couldn't care less if anyone caught a glimpse of the two of you. All that matters is the raw desire pulsing between you and Joel.

The world fades away as you enter the bedroom, the air thick with anticipation and need. You know that this is where you belong, in Joel's arms, giving yourself completely to him.

If not for the interruption earlier, this morning would have been the moment you surrendered to him. But now, there are no more barriers, no more distractions.

It's just you and Joel Miller, enveloped in a whirlwind of passion and desire.

Joel might have envisioned a five-star hotel suite or a secluded cottage by the lake as more romantic settings. But you're right. Anywhere that's just the two of you alone will be special.

Your first time, or both of your first times, is something to be cherished. But what truly matters is the connection between you and Joel, not the location.

Seeing you standing there in nothing but the shortest sleep shorts and a sweater, Joel can't wait a moment longer. The urgency to be with you, to share this intimate moment, is overwhelming. He discards both of your clothing somewhere between the frenzy of kisses and tongue. The hours it would take to create the perfect setting elsewhere pale in comparison to the raw desire pulsing between you both.

In the bedroom that Joel wishes to be both of yours, he can't help but get a shiver. This is it, the moment you've both been waiting for. Joel, with the woman of his dreams. You, with a man who has more to offer than just his own needs.

It has to be right now. Joel needs to lay you down and fill your sweet cunt with his seed. There's an urgency between you both, like you've both got an appointment with destiny that neither of you can miss.

"We won't be interrupted this time," you whisper knowingly, and if last night's anything to go by, you both know you want more than just an hour of each other.

Joel's hands tremble as he holds himself over you, your heaving breaths swirling in the even hotter places between your bodies. Your mouths lock in deep, penetrating kisses, Joel's chest butted up against yours, both your hearts pounding out a beat that somehow he knows is gonna make another kid. This time with you. And God help him, he's gonna do right by you.

"I've waited for this… dreamed of you for so long," Joel rasps, feeling you sliding his swallowed tip over the entrance to your slick valley. Your quivering, tight cunt is pressing and rubbing against his cock, making both of your eyes open wider. Joel feels you tense up just a little, but he makes sure it's you who guides his hardness for now.

"I've waited too. I still can't believe this is actually happening," you purr, your thighs and wide hips perfectly matching Joel's own size. And he knows you're gonna need all the padding you can get once he starts fucking you like he senses you want it.

Joel's lips crash onto yours once more, your tongues dancing together as your bodies become one. You can feel him entering you, filling you up in a way that takes your breath away.

"It's so big," you gasp, your voice trembling with pleasure.

"Go as slow or as fast as you want, darlin'," Joel murmurs, his voice strained with desire. He watches your face, your expressions of pleasure and discomfort as he slowly enters you.

"Oh, fuck, Joel," you moan, your voice deep and loud. Joel can't help but join in, his own moans mingling with yours as he slides deeper into you.

Inch by inch, he fills you up, your bodies moving together in a rhythm that feels both new and familiar. You can feel every inch of him, the sensation both overwhelming and exhilarating.

There's a moment of discomfort, a jolt that makes you wince, but it passes quickly, replaced by a feeling of fullness that takes your breath away.

You can feel the heat building between you and Joel, the intensity of your connection growing stronger with each passing moment. Your bodies move together in a rhythm that feels both primal and instinctual, a dance as old as time itself.

"You feel so fuckin' good, sweetheart," Joel groans, his voice low and husky with desire.

You can only respond by gripping his cock from the inside, shifting your hips higher as your mouth forms an 'O' shape. Your eyes are pinched shut for a moment, lost in the overwhelming sensation of Joel filling you up completely.

But when you open them again, you're met with Joel's gaze, his eyes dark with desire and need. You can see the tension in his muscles, the way his biceps bulge as he grips your hips.

You both want this, crave this connection that goes beyond words. You want to share your first climax together, to create something beautiful and new between you.

And if you're lucky, maybe he’ll even put a baby in your belly.

You grip hold of Joel's forearms, your smaller hands doing their best to clutch them as he watches your breasts start to bounce with each long and firm stroke in and out of your tight wet pussy.

You're lost in the moment, your body moving in perfect harmony with Joel's as he thrusts into you again and again. You can feel every inch of him, filling you up in a way that makes you feel complete.

"Give it to me, Joel," you cry out, your voice hoarse with desire. You hook your ankles around his back, urging him to fuck you as hard and fast as he likes.

Joel doesn't hold back, his hips pistoning as he drives himself deeper into you. You can feel every thrust, the sensation bordering on painful but in the best way possible.

Your G-spot is a prime target at this angle, and once you get a taste of how good it feels, you're hooked. You like it hard, deep, and fast just as much as you like it soft and slow.

The bed underneath you both creaks and groans with the force of your frantic pumping and rocking. Any concerns you both might have had about making noise are long gone. It's a wild, primal sound, and Joel's grunts and growls are matched by yours with every movement of your entangled bodies.

His grip shifts from your hips to that ass of yours, kneading your soft cheeks with his fingers as he pulls you harder towards him. The slick warmth of your essence mixes with his own precome, the combination creating a friction that's both intense and overwhelming.

Joel is proud of how much you can take of him. His balls are rising with his pending climax, the tightness and warmth of your sweet pussy working its magic.

You both know this isn't a race or a test of endurance. Joel knows your prized pussy is his, and your body is his. But it's your climax that he's craving.

To see your face as he fills you with his seed.

And the new life he has ready to put inside you is as eager to make that dream come true for either of you.

Your body stiffens suddenly, and then trembles all over. You arch the small of your back, grunting words that have Joel swelling so much inside of you that he knows that you're both close.

Your eyes roll back, and you force quick breaths through your mouth. Joel's jaw is clenched and tight.

The growl from him is growing by the second as he feels his release rising.

"C'mon, baby, fuck, I'm gonna come… gonna come… tell me where darlin, fuck," Joel practically shouts, and you whimper, "Inside… inside me, Joel, fuck a baby into me."

Your gasping screams as you try to call his name fill his ears, rushing with the torrent of his pulse when he feels his own climax start to escape him.

The shudder of your hips against his and Joel's hands holding you so tight against him makes it feel like you're finally one.

Joel has never come so hard in his life, and he's never felt what he feels for you with anyone or anything. And unlike your climax when he used his mouth, this is a proper full-body orgasm for you. And for him too.

Your bodies are slick with sweat, your skin hot and flushed with desire. You're both breathing heavily, your chests rising and falling in unison.

Joel collapses onto you, his body spent and sated, his chest rising and falling with each heavy breath. The room is filled with the sound of your combined heartbeats, a symphony of desire and satisfaction.

As you lie there, entwined with Joel, you can feel the powerful energy coursing through both of your bodies, a potent connection that leaves you both breathless and wanting more.

The waves of your shared climax begin to ebb, but the intensity of the moment lingers in the air, wrapping you both in a cocoon of pleasure and intimacy.

"Holy shit," you gasp, still shuddering from the force of your release. You can feel Joel's member continuing to flex and pulse inside you, a reminder of the raw passion that brought you both to this moment.

It's more than just an orgasm. It's a transcendent experience, a merging of souls that leaves you both feeling bound together in a way that words can't quite capture.

As you catch your breath, you look into Joel's eyes, seeing a depth of emotion and connection that takes your breath away. In this moment, you know that you've found something special, something rare and beautiful that goes beyond mere physical pleasure.

Joel's smile is warm and genuine as he looks down at you, his body still intimately connected to yours. "Darlin’, you're mine now, if you'll have me," he says, his voice filled with emotion.

You can feel the aftershocks of your climax still pulsing through your body, the sensation of Joel's stiffness still flexing inside of you a constant reminder of the pleasure you've just shared.

Joel eases himself onto his side, sensing how much you want him to stay inside you. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you close as you both lay spent, your bodies still entwined in a tangle of limbs.

Your panting breaths mingle in the air, your smiles of near disbelief that anything so incredible could even be possible.

"Of course, Joel, I...," you begin to giggle, gasping in a quick breath as you feel his stiffness still flexing inside of you.

Joel props himself up on one elbow, caressing your cheek as he finally slides out of you. "I don't know how I know, but I just know. Do you feel it too, darlin’?" he asks, his voice filled with a sense of wonder.

You can feel your whole body relaxing, the tension and excitement of your climax slowly ebbing away. "Oh, I think I'm gonna feel it for a few days," you joke, your eyes widening in amazement.

Joel's smile is warm and genuine as he looks down at you, his eyes filled with love and adoration. "I love you," he blurts out, his voice filled with emotion. "I've never been good at this, with words… but fuck it, I love you, darlin'."

You make a small sound, a soft gasp that turns into a frown as your eyes mist up. You clutch your arms around his neck, as if your life depended on it, pulling him closer to you.

"I love you too," you whisper, your voice filled with emotion. "I love you so much, Joel."

In this moment, as you lay there in each other's arms, you know that you've found something special, something rare and beautiful that goes beyond mere physical pleasure. You've found a love that is raw, real, and passionate, a love that will last a lifetime.

Joel's fingers trace gentle patterns on your skin, his touch sending shivers down your spine. "I want to make love to you again and again, darlin'," he murmurs, his voice husky with desire.

You smile up at him, your eyes shining with love. "I want that too, Joel," you whisper. "I want to feel you inside me, filling me up with your love."

Joel's lips crash down on yours, his tongue exploring your mouth with a hunger that takes your breath away. You respond eagerly, your bodies moving together in a dance as old as time itself.

As Joel enters you again, you can feel the connection between you deepening, growing stronger with each thrust. This is more than just sex, more than just physical pleasure. This is love, pure and simple, a love that will last a lifetime.

"I love you, darlin'," Joel murmurs, his voice filled with emotion.

"I love you too, Joel," you whisper, your voice filled with the same love and adoration.

And as you lose yourself in the moment, you know that this is where you belong, in Joel's arms, surrounded by his love and affection. This is where you'll stay, for the rest of your life.

Having a man like Joel Miller relieve you of your virginity is one thing, but having him tell you that he loves you is something else entirely. It completes you, fills in the missing pieces of your soul that you didn't even know were there.

It changes you, transforms you into a better version of yourself. And it changes everything between you both for the better.

There are no more questions, no more wondering what if, no more chasing. Just the two of you, and you both feel it as strong as the climax he just gave you.

As the world slowly comes back into focus, you become silently aware of just how quiet everything is. The old house, the neighborhood outside, it all feels like something you've both left behind already.

Your bodies are still entwined, your limbs tangled together as if trying to become one. You can feel Joel's heart beating against your chest, his breath hot and heavy against your neck.

Having Joel Miller come back to town feels like a dream come true, and not just because of the mind-blowing sex you just had. It feels like he's here for you, to keep you, to lift you up and carry you off to the new life you both have waiting for you.

Neither of you says anything for a long time, content to bask in the afterglow and the moonlight of the night. You can feel the connection between you growing stronger, a bond that goes beyond mere physical pleasure.

As you lay there, completely sated and relaxed, you can't help but feel like you're exactly where you're meant to be. And it's in that moment of pure bliss that Joel's deep voice breaks the silence.

"Darlin'," he murmurs, his voice low and husky.

You jump a little, startled out of your peaceful reverie. But as you turn to look at him, you see the warmth and love in his eyes, and you know that this is no dream.

"Can I get you anythin'? You want somethin'?" Joel's voice, tinged with his Southern drawl, is like music to your ears as he gazes at you with a look that feels like it's etched into your memory forever.

"I think you just gave me what I needed, cowboy," you reply, a playful glint in your eyes as you exhale a long breath, feeling the lingering effects of your passionate encounter with him.

"I may never walk straight again, but I'm good," you assure him, snuggling close as he gently wraps one of his strong arms around you, pulling you into his warmth.

After a moment of blissful silence, a realization hits you, and you let out a low groan. There are things you need to attend to after such intense intimacy.

You quickly kiss Joel, mumbling about needing to freshen up and use the bathroom, waddling slightly as you make your way. Once you're done, you eagerly return to his embrace, seeking the comfort and closeness only he can provide.

"What is it?" Joel's voice is filled with concern as he notices the slight shift in your demeanor.

Your life before the sun rises is still out there, waiting for you both. Responsibilities and realities loom on the horizon, but in this moment, all you want is to be held by Joel, to feel his presence anchoring you in a world that suddenly feels uncertain.

He takes a slow breath, his arms enveloping you in a protective embrace, offering you solace and reassurance. Both of you are acutely aware of the depth of your connection, of the emotions that have been stirred between you, and the inevitable challenges that lie ahead.

As you lay entwined with Joel, the weight of the future pressing in, you find comfort in the strength of his arms, in the love and understanding that flows between you. In this moment, you know that no matter what comes next, you have each other, and that is enough to face the aftermath of it all.

[brighttears]

Summer Lovin' - Sugar

pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader 

No physical description, no use of y/n

Summary: Summer 1985. You run into your longtime friend Joel Miller, he convinces you to go to a party, and you start thinking that maybe your dreams are coming true, and you might be becoming more than friends.

Word count: 6.7k

Warnings: pet names (sugar, kid), drinking, sexual harassment, physical fight

A/n: part one of idk how many! i’ve never tried any au stuff so i thought i would… i’m really enjoying writing it ! i hope yall like it too :3 also thank you to my love @bejeweledblueberries for being my beta reader <3

—

Dusk is nearing, the sun pulling down pale yellow and soft orange over the empty field where you perch on the bleachers, an hour and some change after the baseball team’s practice. The floodlights bright bulbs still on grant you good light as you scribble in your tattered notebook, unraveling your thoughts. Fleetwood Mac fills your ears, your Walkman securing on your hip. You go almost nowhere without it, and the headphones are starting to fall apart, but you haven't gotten enough saved up yet for an upgrade. Absentmindedly, your head bobs to the tune, caught up completely in your pen pressed to the paper. 

A tap on your shoulder startles you so much you jump, headphones falling around your neck when you jerk your head up, but your shoulders relax when you meet Joel Miller’s toothy grin.

“Hey,” he says, baseball cap shadowing his eyes, but he takes it off to shove in his back pocket as he speaks, rubbing a hand through his hair, mussing it up with the sweat he must be covered in after practice. 

“I thought you’d left already, practice ended a while ago.” You say, not expecting to see him tonight. 

“He shrugs, “Ah, I stayed behind awhile. Not that long, though.” Sliding into a seat beside you on the bleachers, he adds, “You missed it.”

“I was actually waiting for it to be over.”

“So you’re just sittin’ here to watch the empty field?” He asks, then ignores it when his eyes flip down to your notebook to instead eagerly ask, “What’cha writin?”

“Nothing,” you fumble to flip the cover back on, not wanting to see his name scribbled over the page. 

“Aw, don’t be all shy about it. I won’t judge. Just curious. You writin’ one a your stories?”

“No,” you glance back down at the notebook, clasping your hands around the edge. 

“You still haven’t let me read any of ‘em.” He pushes, still grinning. 

“They’re no good.” You remind him, feeling yourself blushing. 

“You always say that, an’ I still don’t believe you.” He smirks, brown eyes twinkling in the bright white light. You could swoon.

“Well, I’m telling you the truth. You’d laugh if you ever read one of them.”

“Psh, no I would’n’.” Tliting his head, he smiles, voice softer, “You write all of that just to have no one read it?” 

“Not until they’re good.”

“Come on, kid, don’t be all bashful ‘bout it.”

You roll your eyes at the nickname, “When are you gonna stop calling me that? I’m barely a year younger than you.”

“Well, I can buy beer now, an’ cigarettes, an’ join the military, so that makes me an adult, and you a kid.” He smirks.

“Does not.”

“Does to.”

“Does not.” You push his forehead away with your finger playfully, “You only just turned 18, and you’re still more childish than I am.”

“Am not.”

“You saying that only proves my point.”

He smirks again, raisng his eyebrows, “Does not.” Then he changes the subject back, “What, ‘s that your diary? I caught you writin’ about your boyfriend?” He teases. 

“No,” you chuckle, looking down when you feel your cheeks flush again. 

Joel wags his head, dramatically imitating your higher voice, “Gabe, Gabe, Gabe, oh, how I love him, gosh, what color will the flowers be at our wedding?”

“Gabe is not my boyfriend!” You exclaim, punching his shoulder. 

He laughs and rubs where your fist landed. “Then why’s he always got his arm slung around you? Looks like you’re his girl to me.”

You cringe at the thought, both of Gabe, and his assumption that he’s your boyfriend. “I hate when he does that. That guy hasn’t left me alone since the sixth grade. He just can’t get it through his thick head that I don’t like him. Not at all.” You fake gag and Joel laughs.

“Then why’d’you let ‘im do it all the time?”

“I don’t let him. He just won’t quit doing it.”

Joel’s face changes them, hardening, “So he just grabs you whenever he wants?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” Watching his face, yours falls a little. You don’t want him to think you let people push you around, Gabe’s just six feet tall and pushing two hundred pounds, eight of which have got to be muscle. 

Joel looks forward, anger pinching his brow. “What a fuckin’ ass.” He shakes his head, “I never liked that guy. He’s pushy on the field, too. An’ such a sore fuckin’ loser.”

You look forward with him, “Yeah, he sucks.”

Joel takes a deep breath, then looks back at you, still serious, “Next time he’s messin’ with you, you let me know, ok?”

You bite the iside of your cheek, heat swirling in your chest. Joel wants to defend you. You cover with a smirk and a tease, “Yeah, like you could take him on. He’s got like a foot and a hundred pounds on you.”

Joel straightens, puffing his chest out, “Does not. I’m almost five eight, and not no hundred pounds. An’ ya see this?” He pulls up his sleeve, patting a flexed bicep, looking like there’s a baseball lodged under his skin—god could you swoon—“I could take that fucker down easy. One punch, pow, he’d be on the floor screamin’ for his momma.”

You chuckle, “Yeah, I’d like to see you try.” It comes out as a rib, but you really would. 

“Well, you just watch.” He smirks. Then he flicks his eyes up and down your figure, making your heart skip a beat. “Hey, so there's this party at Donna’s tomorrow. You comin’?”

“Oh, Jennifer told me about that…”

“And?”

“I dunno…”

“Come on. It’ll be fun. I’m bringin’ beer.”

“Of course you are. You’ll be bringing beer to every party for the rest of the summer.” “Hey, gets me into every party for the rest of the summer.” He smirks.

You roll your eyes, “Maybe.” It isn’t exactly your scene, a house full of drunk kids, mostly strangers, loud, crowded, a drunken fight guaranteed to end the night. Joel being there does make the idea more enticing, though. 

“Gabe’ll be there.” Joel’s smirk pulls wider. 

“That is not convincing.”

“Well, if you go, you’ll get to see me punch him in the face if he so much as says a word to you that you don’t wanna hear.”

“Ok, that is a little convincing.”

Joel laughs and your eyes stick to his teeth, a smile automatically spreading over your face. You hide by looking across the field again, then jump to your feet when you realize, “Shit, it’s almost sundown. I gotta get home, my parents want me home before dark.” You shove your notebook into your purse and start clambering off the bleachers. 

Joel stands with a sigh, then hangs over the fenced edge as you get to the ground, “Come on, kid, can’t’cha stay just a little while longer? They won’t kill ya for being a few minutes late.

You laugh and look up at him as you sling the straps over your shoulder, “You don’t know my parents.”

“Well why don’t’cha let me walk you home, then?” He practically jumps down to the ground to follow you, grinning. 

“Don’t you live all the way down on the other side of the street?” 

“Yeah,” he says as he comes in stride next to you, “I don’t have a curfew, though.”

“Really?”

“Nope.” He shakes his head, “My parents could care less about where I am.” 

You frown. Having a tight leash sucks, but parents should care. You wonder if they even come to his baseball games. Then you think of his little brother, Tommy, something like five years younger, not even in highschool yet, a real kid. Do they at least come to his baseball games?

“Ah, don’t look so sad about it. I don’t give a shit. Get to do whatever the fuck I want.”

You search his expression for some kind of support for your doubt about that, but if he’s hiding the truth, he does it well. 

“You’ve got the mouth of a sailor, you know that?”

“Always have.” He beams. 

You’re at the edge of the school’s property now, where the direction of your houses split. You stop. It’s not a far walk for you, but it is for him from here. 

“You know, you don’t have to walk me home.”

“I know.” Joel says, shoving his hands in his pockets as he steps onto the sidewalk, facing the direction of your way home with a shy smile on his face. Joel was a shy kid, and he’s less so now, but every once in a while, that trait shows its face, and it is incredibly endearing. You ease your way onto the sidewalk next to him, copying his move in your pockets. A smile ghosts you lips as you gaze at him. 

You would love his company even for just a few minutes more. You’ve known him since grade school, and you used to play together almost every day—granted most of it was him yanking our pigtails and chasing each other around the playground. Since middle school, you’ve seen less and less of each other, splitting off to the side of girls versus boys, but he’s never stopped saying hi to you in the hallways, catching conversations when you can. As time has passed, you’ve grown a big fat crush on him, too. You’ve played around with the idea of telling him, but you don’t want to ruin the friendship you have, and he’s way out of your league, anyways. The summer has always been time for you to catch up, though. So far, you haven’t seen much of him until tonight. You’re glad he wants to walk you home. He’s always been a gentleman, and you’re sure that’s all this is. 

As you walk, for awhile the only sound is your footsteps and the night starting to chirp and buzz. 

Joel breaks the silence, “So, that party.”

You look at him, “Maybe.”

“Maybe.” He looks up at the sky, “Maybe, maybe, maybe.” He looks back at you, smirking “Come on, you gotta get out more. Have some fun.”

You roll your eyes, a smile sticking to your lips despite his teasing, “You make me sound like a hermit.”

“Well, I never see you around anymore.” He nudges your shoulder. 

“Just because you never see me around doesn’t mean I never go out.”

“Well, lemme see more of ya. Come to the party.” He nudges your shoulder and, like a schoolgirl, you shy away with a smile, “Come on, kid, do me a favor here.”

At his last words, you mind sparks. Do me a favor. Let me see more of you. You lock your gaze on your feet, feeling your entire chest and face go hot. Playing it off by trying to sound defeated, you sigh out, “Fine.” 

“That a girl.” He nudges your shoulder again, and god, you’re melting. It’s not fair that his words can get you like this. “I’ll save a beer for ya.” 

“Thanks.” You reply with your eyes still glued to your shoes, mind twirling too much to come up with some witty reply to deflect. 

“You know I always got you.” Jesus, is he doing this on purpose?

As you near your house, you’ve never been so happy to be home; you’ve gotta get to your bedroom to collapse into a puddle instead of right here in front of him.

“So, this your house?” Joel’s feet scuff to a stop in front of it, hands still in his pockets. All you do is nod, willing yourself to look at him. Why does he get to look like that? Those dark eyes on you, mop of brown hair still looking perfect with it all messy and sweaty, and that god damn smile. 

“Yup.”

“Well… see you tomorrow?” His voice lilts hopefully, hands squirming in his jeans pockets. 

How could you possibly say no? “Ok, yeah, I’ll be there.” 

His lips spread into a wide grin that scrunches his eyes, “See you tomorrow, then.” He turns around to walk back down the street, still with that grin on his face. Cheerful whistling trails behind you as you head inside. 

You keep the pleasantries with your parents short, inching your feet closer and closer to the stairs, which you then try not to sprint up to to your room, where you drop your things and basically fling yourself onto your bed, burying your head in your pillow to muffle your squealing. Once you get that out, you go to the phone on your nightstand, pushing in Jennifer’s number and waiting impatiently for her to answer. 

“Hello?” Is her kid brother’s voice. He sighs when you ask for his sister, holding the phone away to yell her name. There's a quiet argument, whining voices of siblings before she answers.

“So you know that party tomorrow?”

“Yeeeah?” You can hear the smile through the phone, already knowing what you’re about to tell her. “I’m gonna go.”

“Fuck yes!” She whispers, hiding her swear from her parents probably in the next room over; you’ve been blessed with a phone in your room, but Jennifer, not so lucky. “What changed your mind?”

You sigh, stalling, “Uh…” She knows about your crush on Joel, and despite how excited you are to tell her about your night with him, you can’t help but still being a bit shy about it. You twirl the phone line around your finger. 

“Joel’s gonna be there, isn’t he?”

You sigh, burning up with a shy grin. “I saw him tonight, I was just writing on the bleachers and he showed up—we just talked, and then he walked me home. And… he asked me to do him a favor, to come.”

“Oh… my… god.” She whispers into the phone. “He wants you, I’m telling you. 

“No, he doesn’t,” you chuckle, still twirling the cord, “We’re friends, and we just don’t see each other a lot.”

“Ahuh, sure, that’s all it is. He’s begging for you to come cause all he wants is to be your friend. You need to open your eyes, girl, he so totally likes you. You have to tell him. You have to.”

“No, I do not. He doesn’t like me. He likes Katy.”

“No, Katy likes him. She likes the entire baseball team.”

You just sigh, twisting the wire. What if shes right? But… what if she’s wrong?

“The image of him with Katy makes me want to gag, but I don't even want to imagine the humiliation of him rejecting me. I’d never get over it, Jennifer.”

“Just take the shot! I swear he likes you. You know I wouldn’t lie to you.”

You sigh again, rolling it around in your head. “Well… we’ll see. I’ll see you tomorrow, though. Are Kim and Courtney coming?”

“Yup. Be there at 9?”

“Ok, yeah, I'll be there.”

“You better be.”

You chuckle, “I will, I promise.”

“You just made my night. See you tomorrow.”

As you phone clicks, you sigh, falling back into your bed. ‘What if?’s run through your head, you bury them in your pillow again. You pray you dream of Joel.

—

Donna’s house is bustling, the small ranch filled with red cups and loud conversation over pop radio, all making you feel small as you bump through the crowd to make it to your friends in the kitchen. Kim and Courtney sit casually up on the counter, two bleached blondes guarding a bottle of Malibu between them that definitely isn't theirs to share. Courtney sees you first, lifting her cup to you as she shouts your name over all the noise, an ecstatic look on her face. Based on her enthusiasm, she's probably already wasted. Jennifer, standing in front of her, turns to you and throws her arms up, bringing you into a hug. 

“I’m so glad you came!” She says over your shoulder with her arms wrapped around you. When she releases you she claps her hands lightly. While alcohol brings boldness from Courtney, it smooths Jennifer out, and her eyes are half lidded over a silly grin. 

Before you can tell her that you had promised you would, Courtney interjects, “Yeah, I was so afraid you’d just stay home again. Ugh,” She squeezes, “you need some life in you, girl.” She brings you back and slaps her hands on your shoulders, widening her eyes and raising her eyebrows, basically slurring, “You are in the right place.”

Stepping back, you chuckle, “How much have you had to drink?”

“Not enough.” She announces, looking around for an empty cup, almost falling over as she snags one from by the sink, “And neither have you.” She unscrews the bottle of Malibu and sloshes some into each cup, “Here,” she shoves the cup out to you and taps her to it when you take it, “drink up.” She promptly throws the liquor back and you giggle ad, then turn your attention to Kim with your eyebrows up.”

“Don’t worry, I’m the DD.” She raises her cup, “Just pop.”

“Good on you, Kim.” you smile back.

“Hey, I try,” she shrugs and smiles back.

Then from behind you sounds a painfully recognizable booming voice, “Look who’s here!” You turn to meet none other than Gabe Camball, arms already open as he closes in on you. He stinks of beer, some he’s probably already spilled on himself.

“Hey, Gabe,” your shoulders are up to your ears as he throws his arms around you, pressing your face and arms into his chest, nearly making you spill your own drink on him. His hands grip around your waist in a way that makes you want to puke. You free a hand to tap his chest, letting him know that it’s time for him to let go of you, but when he doesn’t let up, you slap it a couple times, “Alright, you can let go, now.” 

He squeezes you tighter for a moment more, constricting your breathing, before finally releasing you, but he keeps his arm around your shoulder, like a claim. 

He looks down at you with a cocksure grin, “Drinking tonight, eh?” The sentence and his delivery makes your brain burn, a rabbit of fear kicking its legs in your chest, and all you want is to get away from him, but his arm is just ever so tense enough around your shoulders to make the rabbit kick harder.

“Step off, Gabe,” Coutney says, still obviously drunk, with a disgusted look on her face, shooing him off with her hand. 

“Step off?” He chuckles wryly, then smirks down at you, “I think the girl can speak for herself, you like my company just find, don’t’cha?”

Responding for you, Jeniifer tells him from beside you in a firmer tone, “Seriously Gabe, get lost. You reek.”

“Yeah, we’re having girl talk right now, actually.” Kim speaks up. Thank god for backup, because you doubt you could pry him off of you by yourself. 

Finally, Gabe frees you from his hold, stepping backwards with his hands raised defensively, still with that smug fucking smirk, “Ok, ok, I get it. I can see when I’m not welcome. Don’t see why, but I respect it. I’ll come find you later.” He winks at you before finally turning around to walk back into the crowd. 

You let out the breath you’d be holding in, still with your shoulders up as you turn back to your friends. 

“‘Respect,’” Jennifer snorts once he’s out of earshot, “the nerve of that guy. I bet he can’t even spell it.”

Courtney erupts in laughter after that, almost spilling her drink on the floor when he rocks forward with the force of it. 

“Ok, girlie, take it easy,” Kim pats her back, giving you and Jennifer a look, you all trying to stifle your own laughter at your drunk friend. 

“God, I can’t stand that guy.” Jennfer turns to you, shivering dramatically. “He gives me the heebie jeebies.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.” You say, rubbing your shoulders as if trying to brush away his touch. “I’ve never given him any kind of hint that I ‘enjoy his company’.” You mock his deep voice. 

Courtney snorts more drunken laughter, but when he looks past you, she straightens, her mouth dropping open as she points towards the door behind you. “Look who just walked in.”

Cheering sounds behind you and you look over your shoulder to see Joel Miller walking through the door. He triumphantly holds up a six pack of Pabst in each hand, laughing open mouthed with his eyebrows raised. On impact, your chest flutters. 

“Oh that’s right, he just turned 18, he’s the beer guy now. Most popular person in the place.” You hear Jennifer, but your gaze stays locked on him. He sports tight blue jeans with a tighter white t-shirt tucked into them, looking like a regular teen dream. 

“God, I could just eat him.” Courtney moans from behind you, and you turn your attention back to her. 

“Jeez, you are wasted,” you chuckle. 

Kim laughs, gently taking Courtney’s cup from her hand to placing it on the counter behind you, “Yeah, I’m gonna take that from you now.”

“Ugh! You are no fun.” Courtney pouts. 

“No, I’m just looking out for you. One more sip and I’ll bet you will eat him.”

“Just a lil taste, that’s all I want,” Courtney coos, holding up two almost pinched fingers up to her face, scrunching one eye closed. You all laugh while she repeats, “Just a lil, just a lil.” But, just then, her eyes shoot wide and she claps her hand over her mouth. She hops off the counter and rushes down the hall, excusing herself from the people she bumps into by saying, “Sorrya, I gotta go puke.” Kim follows her, trailing excuse me’s, leaving you and Jennifer in the kitchen.

“I was gonna say, leave some for you.” Jennifer nudges you and giggles.

“Shut up.” You chuckle and wave your hand at her, looking at the ground as your face warms. 

“Come on, look at him. I don’t know how you can resist that. You have to tell him you like him at some point!”

“No, I do not.”

“I’ve caught him looking at you, you know. I mean, practically drooling.” When you look at her, she smiles into her cup. 

“You have not,” you call her bluff, but she nods, raising her eyebrows as she swigs from her cup.

“You have not.” You say again, punching her arm playfully. 

“Have to!”

“Are you serious?” You whisper. 

“Deadly.”

“When?”

“Only all the time. I can’t believe you haven’t caught him yet.” Then her eyes widen, looking past you, smiling into her cup again. 

“Hey,” says a hearteningly familiar voice at your side, and you’re already smiling when you turn to meet Joel’s toothy, slanted grin. He holds a beer out to you, resting in his palm, “here’s that beer I promised you.” You abandoned your red cup on the counter behind you, not bothering to take you eyes off of him. “Enjoyin’ the party?” His eyes sparkle and you will yourself not to keep a cool face. 

“I kinda just got here.”

“Well, so far?”

“I guess, you shrug, opening the can to hide in a swig of beer.

“Well, this’s my third beer run. Done more drivin’ than partyin’. I swear, this’s the last one, though—with all this beer I got, I’d like to actually have one.” He chuckles, still grinning, rounded cheeks rosy. It must be the heat, you think, that’s all. “So,  you stayin’?” His grin fades as he questions, eyes trained on yours.

“For a bit, I guess.” You reply. 

“Good, good.” His grin spreads back on. 

“Hey,” comes Gabe’s booming voice again, “what’re’ya doing with my girl?” And suddenly he’s there, slapping his hand so hard on Joel’s shoulder that his eyes widen with surprise, looking at the taller boy beside him. 

“Your girl?” You repeat, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“Yeah, my girl!” He repeats nonchalantly, a drunk smile on his face, but his eyes are disconcerting. 

Despite the kicking legs in your chest, you challenge him, “I am not your girl.” Normally, you try to keep the peace with him, putting up with his shit because of his size and reputation for having a temper, but tonight, you're just fed up, and something about Joel’s presence makes you snap back at him. “So quit calling me that, ok?”

“Aw, don’t be like that. You know you love me.” He moves towards you but you shy away, feeling your shoulders climbing back up. 

“Hey,” Joel speaks up in a forceful tone, “I think she’s made herself clear. Why don’t’chu go bother someone else?”

Gabe’s entire posture changes, shifting towards Joel with his chin raised, “Oh, yeah? And when did anyone ask you?”

“No one, I’m just not thick enough to not get the hint when someone doesn’t want me around.” He returns venomously, meeting his stance. 

“You calling me stupid, Miller?” Gabe’s face goes cold, his voice quieter, striking a menacing atmosphere. Jennifer puts her hand on your arm. 

“Yeah, I am. Stupid, an’ a creep.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Joel glowers, voice severe. 

Your skin prickles with thrill. There’s a small crowd gathered now, creating a half circle around the two, catching onto the air. Everyone knows what’s about to happen. You’ve got your faith in Joel. Gabe may be bigger, but Joel is sharper. 

Gabe is first to swing, but Joel’s quick to duck, “Oooh!”’s erupting from in the crowd. Joel drives himself into him, hugging his broad frame to bring him to the ground. People make room for them to fall, starting to chant and cheer. Joel easily takes control, straddling him while he lands punches, Gabe basically flailing his arms around in a feeble attempt to protect his face. After a good few blows, Joel stands, waiting for him to get up with his fists still clenched. The look on his face is jarring, a kind of fierceness you didn’t even know he possessed. 

Gabe clambers to his feet, almost falling back, but the crowd behind him supports him back up on his feet. His nose is bloody and his temples red. He wipes the blood off from his lip, looking down on it on his hand before he looks back at Joel, expression still hard but painted with shock. His size has probably ensured that he hasn’t been punched in awhile. “Come on, hit me.” Joel dares him. “Come on, big guy. I’m waitin’.” Your eyes are wide watching the confrontation, roused by Joel’s authority and delighted by Gabe’s bloody face and cowardice. Gabe sways, lunging weakly in his drunken state, but Joel doesn’t even flinch. 

He takes a step back then, breathing hard, puffing his chest out, trying to look cool as he backs down. “You’re dead, Miller.” He barks. Joel says nothing, hard eyes trained on him. Gabe shakes his head, glaring, then turns around to bumble through the crowd and out the door, banging it open. A few guys follow him out like dogs, slamming the door behind him. There's a moment of silence, save for the radio still playing Rasputin. Then, cheering, and Joel is crowded by whoops and slaps on his shoulders. You’re pushed back into the kitchen with Jennifer, still clutching your arm. You both look at each other with your jaws dropped.

“Ho–ly–shit.” She starts to grin, “Joel Miller just defended your fucking honor.”

“That… was…”

“Fucking… amazing.” Jennifer finishes for you. 

You look back at Joel, jaw still on the floor. His eyes catch yours and he smiles, but then someone blocks your view, speaking to Joel in a loud, congratulatory voice. 

“Let’s go to the backyard.” Jennifer pats your arm, “I don’t know where Kim and Courtney are, I don’t see them, and they need to know about this as soon as possible.”

She grabs your hand and pulls you around the corner where you saw the two leave and you find them in the backyard, sat smoking cigarettes on the concrete stoop. 

“Where did you get those?” Jennifer whispers as you sit down with them, her beside you with Kim next to you and Courtney on the end, astonished. 

“Luke and Charlie.” Kim says with a smile as she pulls hers. 

“Aaah,” Jennifers grows a smile, raising her eyebrows up and down, “Luke and Charlie, huh?”

“It’s not like that,” Kim responds, shaking her head as she blows out smoke, “they were just out smoking and let us bum a couple. They went inside, everyone did, but I didn’t wanna leave Courtney alone out here—she can barely walk in a straight line.” She nudges her shoulder and Courtney leans forward to wave lazily with a lazier smile. 

“You doing alright?” You ask her, chuckling. 

She pulls her cigarette, combing her hand through her hair and she waves it out, posing, “Marvelous.”

Kim chuckles and turns to the two of you, “She threw up like three times in the bushes, I’m taking her back home once we finish these.”

“Well,” Jennifer starts, “you just missed Joel giving it to Gabe when he wouldn’t leave his girl alone.” She puts her arm around you and tugs you close. 

“What?” Kim and Courtney shout in unison.

“Yeah. Nearly broke in noise, then Gabe literally ran away. I was flipped. Like, what a fucking pussy, and god, Joel, her knight in shining fucking armor. 

Courtney literally swoons, throwing her arm over her forehead, “God, what a man.”

“Right?” Jennifer exclaims, then looks to you, “I swear to god, if you don’t go tell him you like him now I’m gonna murder you.”

You shy away into yourself, helplessly smiling wide, “He was just being a good guy. I told him about Gabe last night.”

“Last night?” Kim and Courtney exclaim. 

Your smile turns bashful, “Yeah, I just ran into him, all we did was talk, and then he walked me home.”

“He walked you home?” The blondes cry out together again. 

“You are killing me.” Courtney says, “If it was me he was walking home, I woulda brought him inside.” She raises her eyebrows ruefully and pulls her cigarette again.

“You said that right.” Kim says, then looks at you, “I swear, if you don’t go tell him tonight, I’m gonna murder you, too.” She drops her cigarette butt on the ground then to stamp out under her heel. “Alright babe,” she says to Courtney as she stands, offering her hand to hoist her to her feet. “We gotta get you home before you pass out.” Courtney sways, throwing her cigarette butt on the ground and giggling as she misses it with her foot a few times before finally twisting the toe of her shoe on it. You all laugh watching her before Kim turns to the two of you still sitting down, “You guys gonna stay?”

Before either of you can answer, you hear Joel say “Hey,” from behind you, and you turn to see him hanging halfway out of the door, holding himself out with his hands in the doorframe. “Uh, can I talk to you for a minute?” He asks you. “I can uh, drive her home, make sure he gets there safe, if y’all wanna go.” He tells your friends, then looks back at you, “If that’s alright.”

Jennifer shoots you a look, smiling as she gets to her feet. “Well, well, well.” she faces Joel, crossing her arms with a smirk, “Look who it is, the man of the fucking hour. You really showed that douchebag in there. You just did us all a favor.”

Kim chuckles, “You said that right. Anyways, I need to get Courtney home before she passes out in the lawn.”

“Yeah, we’ll leave you too alone. Come on,” she throws you one last pleased smile at you before she throws her arms over the two other girls to lead them out the back gate. Courtney flips her head back and winks at Joel. He chuckles, shaking his head.  

As they leave, he comes to sit down next to you, supporting his arms over spread knees. “Hey.”

“Hey.” You smile at him. “Quite a show back there.”

“I told you I would, did’n’ I?”

You chuckle and look at the ground, “Yeah, you did. I think he’ll leave me alone now.”

“He better.” Joel replies, “And if he don’t, well, I wouldn’t mind doin’ that again.”

You chuckle. “How’s your hand, anyway?” You reach for it then, taking it in your hand to inspect his knuckles, red and swollen. There’s still some sticky red on them and you brush your fingertip over it, pulling it back to look at it under the light. “You’ve still got… some of his blood on you.” The butterflies in your chest light on fire, giving off a heat you don’t know what to do with. It’s something you’ve never experienced before, both the feeling itself and someone doing something like this for you. When you look at Joel, he looks… bigger than he has before. His brow is strong, jaw sharp, shoulders round and broad. His pecs are emphasized under his tight shirt and you have to stop your eyes from wandering lower. Suddenly, he does look like a man. A real… man.

“Ah, sorry about that. T’s nothin’.” He pulls his hand away, blushing. You can’t take your eyes off of him, of it, his cheeks flushing, that bashful smile. The butterflies, more like moths at this point, with the heaviness of their wings batting around your heart, and it takes you a moment to respond. 

“Thanks.” You say quietly. 

“Anytime.” He looks back at you, smiling. 

His eyes back on yours make you look down, feeling caught red handed, and you chuckle nervously. 

“Some party, huh?”

“Yeah.” You chuckle again. 

“Well, ‘s over now, Donna’s kickin’ everyone out. She wasn’t real happy about all that.” He chuckles. 

“I can’t blame her.”

“I—I did’n’ mean to,” the nervousness in his voice makes you look back up at hiim and his smile is more like a cringe now, brow furrowed up, “I mean I hope I did’n’... scare you back there,”

You shake your head, “No, no, you didn’t scare me.”

“Good,” he sighs, looking relieved, then looks out over the lawn, “good, good.” Then he smiles and looks back at you, “Well, you ready to go?”

“Yeah.” You smile, then you both get back up to walk back into the house. There’s still some people milling around, hanging onto the dregs of the party while others help to clean up. Donna looks exasperated as she grabs empty cups around the kitchen, throwing them into a trash bag, shooting daggers at Joel as you pass, and he tries to hold down a smirk. 

As you walk, Joel’s hand slips into yours. 

It takes you a minute to register, almost not believing it. You’ve never touched like this. His hand is warm, slightly calloused, folding perfectly in yours. This, you can’t get yourself to be convinced is just some friend thing. This is something else. This is something more. You swallow hard. 

He leads you to his car like that, a beat–up red pickup truck, fenders eaten up by rust. “‘S not much, but it gets ya where you’re goin’.” He comments, looking back at you, then lets his hand slip back out of yours to open up the passenger door for you. You mumble  thank you as you hop inside, still caught off guard by his touch. You watch him come around the front but drop your gaze once he’s in the seat next to you. The car put–puts to a start and Joel glances at you with a sheepish smile as it does before driving off towards your house. 

The ride home is comfortable chit chat—your crush sometimes makes you forget how good of friends you are. It’s always so smooth with Joel, like you’re in sync, and your nervousness falls away within minutes of cracking jokes, sharing stories, really catching up for the first time all summer. As you near your house, your heart sinks in your chest. You don’t want the night to end, you don’t want to say goodbye. 

When Joel turns the ignition off, you dare to stay still, and he doesn’t say a word for a few minutes, seeming to understand. This time, the silence is a little awkward. 

“Thanks for the ride.” You decide to say, offering him a smile. 

“Anytime, kid.” He smirks, knowing exactly what he’s doing, and you poke his arm. The nickname is starting to confuse you. He beats someone up for you, ‘defends your honor’, holds your hand, but still calls you kid? Something endearing, but entirely platonic. 

“Kid?” You raise your eyebrows at him, smiling, trying to be reticent. 

“I dunno, I’m just used to it now.” He shrugs, smiling back. “You want me to stop callin’ you that?”

“I mean, it just feels… I dunno.”

“‘S alright, I can stop. What should I call you instead?”

“I don’t know…” you shrug diffidently. 

Joel leans back in his seat, looking up. You’re waiting for some smart ass reply, but he says, “How bout… sugar? Can I call you sugar?”

You blink. Sugar. 

“You alright, sugar?” He smirks at you, clearly appreciating your dumbstruck. 

You blink again. 

Joel blinks back and then shifts to face you more, forearm on the wheel, “Is—is that alrigh’?”

Your mouth hangs open for a moment before you reply, “Yeah, yeah, that’s ok.”

He furrows his brow, cocking the side of his lip up, “You sure?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you will yourself to smile, “it’s sweet.”

“Well, that’s the point,” his lips grow into a grin, “sweetheart.”

Your face is on fire. A grin sprouts on your face and you turn to the window. Joel laughs.

“Hey, so… you doin’ anything tomorrow?”

Still looking out the window, you bite the inside of your cheek, head spinning. You look back at him and squeeze your hands in your lap, “No…”

“Well, Tommy’s got a game, I mean,  baseball, his school’s got a summer team, an’ I was wondering’ if… maybe you wanted to come. I take him and a couple’f his buddies out for ice cream after, an’ I’d kinda like to have another hand to keep the lil rascals contained. You in?”

Your brain is chasing its tail; that’s not a date, is it? Either way, fuck it, “Yeah, I’m in. I haven’t seen Tommy in ages, anyway.”

“Well, he got bigger. Taller, stronger, an’ he’s got a crazy arm.” Joel grins. 

“I’d love to see him play.”

“Alright, well, ah, I’ll pick you up at… 6?”

“Yeah. Sounds great.” You smile. 

You clench your hands harder in your lap as Joel’s eyes travel down and up your figure. “Alright, sugar, see you at 6.”

Nearly whispering, grinning wide, you reply, “Ok.” Then ease your way out of the truck, unable to tear your eyes away from his as you do. “Thanks again.”

“Anytime, sugar.” He winks before putting the car in gear and peeling off back down the road. 

Once you’re sure he can’t see you anymore, you hug yourself and spin, looking up at the stars with your teeth clenched under a wide smile. 

What a fucking night. 

You dance your way to the front door, then stopping to gather yourself enough to slip inside as quietly as possible, taking off your shoes to tiptoe to your bedroom. 

All this with Joel has your head spinning, but this feeling it’s all giving you makes you not even care. Whatever it is, it is, but he’s calling your sugar instead of kid, and you can still feel his hand in yours, and nothing has ever felt more right.