#i love uwu earth oh my god i understand nothing else she said

[socksandbuttons]

WE NEED TO RETURN TO THE CRINGE DIMENSION

[hopelesshawks]

Official Accounts Part 13- Confession

Summary: (y/n) was perfectly happy remaining anonymous, even if her best friends were all pro heroes and she worked under THE Hawks. Handling the technical aspects of hero work from the background suited her just fine, thank you very much. That goes out the window when suddenly her twitter blows up thanks Denki and the famed no. 2 hero is asking her to run his own official twitter as a result

If you don’t want to see Official Accounts content blacklist #hopelessoa

Masterlist

Hawks was not prepared for you to walk out of the employee bathrooms looking as good as you did when he finally returned to the agency to hand the reigns over to Endeavor for the night. He had really been hoping to wait to call in the favor Endeavor owed him for covering his patrols, but the more time Hawks spent with you the more he needed answers. It was growing harder and harder to deny the way looking at you made his heart race. The way part of him wanted nothing more than to make you laugh even when he was trying to ascertain what you were up to. And the way his heart stopped when you walked out of that employee bathroom, Mina quickly rushing out behind you and giving you a thumbs up and a wink before departing, only further confirmed that he desperately needed to know what your intentions were.

“Ready to go, Kid?” he asks as he extends an arm to you. “Ready,” you said as you exhaled shakily in hopes of clearing your nerves. You linked your arm in his and with all the charm you had come to expect from the number two hero he guided you out of the office and onto the busy streets of the city. You would die before admitting it, but looking at Hawks under the glow of the city lights made him look ethereal. So much so you could hardly pull your eyes away. The two of you were talking of that you were sure, and you assume you were giving intelligible responses, but in all honesty if asked to recount the conversation you wouldn’t be able to. You were too caught up in the wonder that Hawks had chosen you of all people.

Eventually the smell of food brings you back to Earth as you realize Hawks has brought you to a tiny hole in the wall restaurant on the other side of town. Hardly anyone else is inside, all the big crowds are deeper into the city, but something about the quiet atmosphere is refreshing after the noise of all the bustling crowds. “Hawks!” The owner calls out cheerfully as he makes his way around to the two of you. “Glad you finally made it. I’ve got a special table reserved for you out back,” the owner grins. “Ah you really do spoil me. Lead the way,” Hawks laughs as the owner does just that.

You’re guided to the back and out the door only to find an entirely separate seating area, deserted. Fairy lights provide the main source of light, giving the whole thing a dream-like quality. When the owner departs after seating the two of you, you and Hawks are left alone in the romantic atmosphere and you can’t help but feel nervous. Yet one look across the table at your date for the evening, especially when he flashes That Grin(tm) at you, eases your mind almost immediately.

The night feels nothing short of magical as the two of you laugh over drinks and the best ramen you’ve ever had in your life but as the food and alcohol settle in your stomach the conversation turns to deeper topics. “Can I ask you a potentially personal question?” Hawks asks. “Sure,” you shrug as you take another sip of your drink. “Is it weird having all your friends be pro heroes? You didn’t ever think about joining in yourself?” he asks. “You’re asking ‘cause of how I reacted to Chargebolt after that one patrol right?” you ask. He’s not. He asking to determine your possible motives. But he can’t say that, so instead he shoots you a sheepish grin and rubs the back of his neck as he lies “that obvious, huh?” “It’s a fair question and you’re not the first to ask,” you laugh. “It’s kind of a heavy story though, I don’t wanna bring down the mood,” you admit, looking away from the gorgeous, curious man across from you.

Suddenly you feel a gentle hand on your chin turning your head to make you look him in his eyes again. “You could never, Kid,” he assures you with as much faux sincerity as his brain can muster even if his heart is pleading with him to be genuine. You gulp and in that moment Hawks thinks he’s finally caught you.

“My mom was a pro hero. She didn’t break top 10 or anything but growing up she was Denki and I’s idol. I’m pretty sure she’s the reason he wanted to become a pro hero so bad in the first place. For a little while I wanted to be one too,” you begin. This was it. Hawks was sure of it. Any moment now you’d confirm your resentment that you never lived up to your mother and it would explain your rage and the training and your fascination with him and- “She uhm, she died in a villain attack when I was in middle school. Things just weren’t the same after that so I abandoned the idea of being a pro hero,” you confessed.

Oh...

Oh that was not what Hawks was expecting at all.

“When I found out Denki still wanted to be one I stopped talking to him for like a month. I forgave him eventually, obviously, but uh I refused to get back on the hero path. I knew too well the constant stress and pressure my mom was under and in the end all it did was encourage her to push too far and get herself killed. I know UA’s general studies course has a reputation of being for the hero course rejects but I only went to UA to keep an eye on Denki. If I couldn’t stop him from becoming a hero then at least I could make sure he didn’t push himself too far, y’know? Then I re-did the computer system and administration insisted I swap over to hero support. Eventually I realized that if it weren’t for my mom a lot more people would’ve died and while it sucks she had to make that sacrifice I know she’d do it again in a heartbeat. Even scarier Denki and Katsuki and Mina and Hitoshi and Eiji would all do it too. So while I can’t bring myself to become a pro hero myself, at the very least I can do my best to make sure the heroes get home safe.”

You’re not sure when exactly during your story you had begun crying but you swipe at your eyes to wipe the tears away now. You bring your gaze back to Hawks’ and open your mouth to apologize for ruining the mood but are instead surprised by the feeling of his lips on yours. There’s a split second of shock where you do nothing, but the moment it passes you return his kiss eagerly.

You are perfect. Every fiber of Hawks’ being screams that you are perfect. If anyone could possibly hope to understand him, his heart and his gut and now finally his head tell him it’s you. And with that realization comes an overwhelming amount of guilt. He had treated you like a villain when all you had done was be good to him and all those around you. He wants to apologize. God, how he wants to apologize. But that would require admitting he’d treated you with suspicion, that this “date” had been a ruse. So he says nothing, and he kisses you with passion and heartache and guilt and understanding and something that feels suspiciously like love. He kisses you with every single emotion that is coursing through him and hopes that will be enough.

Author’s Note: I feel like Hawks is the type who falls fast and hard once he lets himself fall. Writing this chapter was ROUGH. Hawks and (y/n) are in such wildly different places emotionally from start to finish. I’ve been trying to minimize the amount of written portions because it feels a bit like a betrayal of the smau format (and I like the challenge of restricting it) but there’s some stuff coming up down the line that just wouldn’t be discussed over text so there will probably be more soon. This was another monster chapter but we’re really getting into the thick of the story now so I’m not shocked

Taglist [open]: @cathy8taffy @katzurras @grumpyfroggies @captaincyberqueen @itskindofafairything @420-uwu

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

NEVER WAS THERE A TALE OF MORE WOE, THAN THAT OF OUR JEANNE AND FANGDADDIO 😭😭😭

But alas, I will relay what I read back in the day to the best of my abilities! Spoilers for the end of Jeanne’s route under the cut, rated E (for everyone) for maximum uwus (and M for angst bc F U C K):

Okay so basically Jeanne’s route goes a lot like most of the routes, and when MC gets attacked (by the rival vampire turned by Vlad) our eyepatched wonder is not happy about it. He storms over to Comte’s room and demands to have his questions answered. Comte notes how deathly serious he is and breezes past the enmity, telling him to go ahead and ask whatever he needs to. Jeanne threatens to kill Comte if it turns out that he’s lying about anything from this point forward. To which Comte (being a little shit), replies that he literally can’t die so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Jeanne tells him he doesn’t care what it takes; he’ll rend him apart to the tiniest shred over and over and over again--even if it takes them both to the other side to accomplish it. Comte concedes and says “very well; if I lie, you’re welcome to try.” Jeanne finally asks if Comte has made a revival pact with anyone new. Comte is genuinely confused and confesses that he hasn’t--that he has no idea who Jeanne is talking about. “What ‘comrade in arms’???” Jeanne seems to sense that Comte is responding in earnest (but is also confused bc like, then who the fuck else turned the guy??? WHO IS THE THREAT I MUST STAB)

Jeanne admits that MC was attacked and you can feel the change in gravity in milliseconds. Comte starts asking where she is and if she’s okay, and Jeanne explains that she’s still in the mansion and she’s fine. Jeanne then asks if Shakespeare has the ability to turn people like he does, and Comte is bewildered to put it mildly. He’s like ??????? Where is this coming from, of course he doesn’t???? I turned him myself, he’s a lesser vampire--he doesn’t have that ability???? In a moment of sheer livid impatience, Jeanne grabs Comte by the lapels and screams “Then who can!?!?!?!” Comte stares at him and admits that there are only two people that he is aware of who can accomplish such a thing, himself and someone else. They hear a loud crash and they run to the dining room, only to find a window smashed, Mozart wounded, and MC gone. Comte’s furious sprite appears, and he asks Jeanne to look after MC, he has something to take care of. Isaac asks him where on earth he’s going, and he reveals that he’s going to Will’s house before storming out.

Poor Shakespeare faces the brunt of Comte’s rage--though I get the feeling, knowing now that Shakespeare is Vlad’s puppet--that the threat was meant more for Vlad than for Shakey boy. Comte goes to Shakey’s place and Shakespeare offers to put on tea or wine, says it’s strange for him to appear so late. Comte tells him not to bother, since he isn’t here to exchange pleasantries. Shakespeare seems p shocked given Comte isn’t usually one to be so direct or terse, and when Comte walks in he backs Shakespeare into the wall step. By step. By step. He asks him if he was involved in the harm done to MC, and Shakespeare’s like “Yeah lol what’s it to you.” And when their shoes are nearly touching, Comte grabs him by the throat and lifts him off the ground. He tells Shakespeare that if this goes on, he won’t show any mercy: "To those that would harm a single member of my house, I will hunt them to the ends of the earth. To the very depths of hell." The narration notes that he lets go of whatever dampens his pureblood aura and nearly suffocates Shakespeare with his raw intensity and power, before putting him down again and saying “That’s all I have to say. I have no more questions for you.” Comte walks right back out, slamming the door while Shakespeare is on the floor coughing. 

So, needless to say, things are hella rocky between Comte and Jeanne throughout the better part of the route. But given the odd dichotomy of Comte’s reactions (his complete acceptance of Jeanne’s fury versus his own anger being directed at Vlad), it definitely felt like there was more there. Everything finally comes full circle at the end when Comte gathers everyone inside the dining room to explain precisely what happened (Vlad, etc. I’m assuming) and asks everyone to take proper precautions moving forward: "I'll take steps to make sure this never happens again. But if we are faced with a similar situation, know that I am prepared to protect you all with every fiber of my being." He deems secrecy a moot point given this incident, and just wants everyone to be safe and ask for help should they need it in the future. 

MC notes that he doesn’t have his usual placid demeanor; he’s incredibly serious and grave. She’s like “Oh boy some serious shit went down huh...but if anything, I feel like it’s only made us have more faith in his ability to protect us c:” AND HERE IS WHERE THE BIG HURT HAPPENS KIDS GET YOUR TISSUES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Jeanne: "...Alright. I will trust in your words. But can I ask just one thing?” Comte: “Yes, Jeanne?” Jeanne: "You know I always hated you, I truly believed you revived me against my will for a long time." Comte just sorta deflates, but he doesn’t say anything (MY POOR BABIE) Jeanne: "But, is that really the case? Did I want to live on, away from that pyre...?" [There was a long silence.] Comte: “...That day, when I appeared, you screamed desperately 'Why must I die here. Whether it be God or the devil, someone make use of me!'” Important note: Jeanne tells MC that he is able to recall thinking that, but he has no acute recollection of saying it; this is the moment at which he lost consciousness. MC: [;-; No matter how hard he tried to stifle it, it (his deep wish to live) came out all the same...] I wasn’t able to transcribe it, but Comte essentially tells him that he tried to ask Jeanne, but he was already barely hanging on--there was no way he could get a proper answer. (This is highly plausible given we know that Jeanne was incarcerated by the Inquisition, tortured, and starved before he was tied to that pyre--it was a miracle he lasted that long. He didn’t even have the strength to move/struggle from where he was tied). Comte goes on to say that Jeanne was pissed to shit when he woke up and there was little he could do to alleviate that (I mean given he was waiting for the sweet release of death it makes sense but also N O ;-;). For a while Jeanne just stares at him before asking: Jeanne: “...Why? Why didn’t you tell me after all this time?” Comte: "Because I thought it was okay if you berated me a little." Jeanne (vine voice: AMERICA EXPLAIN): ?????????? Comte: "Despite being alive...you looked dead to the world ever since the day we met. No matter how hard I tried or whatever I did, I couldn't seem to change that. But...the only emotion I seemed to be able to draw out of you was hate. If hatred was the only thing that could move you, I figured I'd take on that role. Better to see you express something than to see you lifeless beyond any glimmer of hope or change." Jeanne: "Why....why would you go that far?? Why did you bother? I don't...understand" BECAUSE HE HAS SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE AND HE LOVES YOU I’M SOBBING ALL OVER AGAIN OKAY DEEP BREATHS THE SHOW MUST GO ON MINNIE Comte: "Because I'm the one that revived you...because to me, you're all my precious family." Jeanne: "...............................................................I...I'm sorry" AND JEANNE HANGS HIS HEAD WAAAAAAAAAAAH Comte’s brows rise: “...Jeanne?” Jeanne: "I know an apology doesn't forgive everything I did/said. But I don't know how else to make amends"

It goes on to show them all making amends, and while Jeanne can sometimes be like “ughghhghgh d a d stop nagging I’m fINE” he secretly really loves the guy. In Jeanne’s third bday story he’s literally like [Comte’s a weirdo but I see now that that's just how he cares abt me. He's not just worldly, he's a good guy. c: I just don’t care abt whatever he’s going on abt rn]

So like full disclosure before Jeanne’s route I still loved Comte but I really didn’t know much about him beyond the “eccentric nobleman persona.” Granted we definitely get glimpses into who he really is, but this was a sizeable breakthrough. (And probably a strong allusion to the release of Comte’s MS soon after.) That being said, there were so many things said here that just absolutely shattered my heart. 

Because here’s the thing. I have no qualms with Comte’s wish to be a dad--or even to revive the men, for that matter. If it makes him happy and he intends to take care of them reasonably well, then who am I to criticize him? (Fun fact: Leonardo essentially says the same exact thing; he’s more against it than I am because of the whole turning humans, but he doesn’t necessarily vilify Comte because he knows his intentions are good. And if everyone’s happy with it, what can he say?) But the fact that Comte handles their issues with so much patience and maturity...I’m in love???? There is sincerely nothing sexier than this for me. He’s fully aware that Jeanne was treated like absolute shit by the people he tried to protect, that he never really got to live for himself a single day in his life--never knew a moment’s peace, joy, or appreciation. He tries everything he can think of to get Jeanne to maybe not hate being alive as much, but fails at every turn. He still refuses to give up on the guy despite the less than ideal state of things, and decides that if Jeanne needs an enemy to survive--he will be that enemy. He doesn’t care that the guy he’s trying to help would skewer him the second he had his back turned (Jeanne pls this was a new suit couldn’t this wait). He takes full responsibility for deciding to turn him; knows that since he erred on the side of caution, it’s up to him to offer a life that’s worth keeping/staying alive for. He doesn’t belittle Jeanne’s plight for a moment, never deems him stupid or shortsighted. He’s able to understand that in the wake of so much pain and loss, of course Jeanne might not notice the finer points of Comte’s attempts to cheer him up. Even if it pains him to be on negative terms (HE LOVES HIS BOY HE DOESN’T WANT TO FIGHT) he will fully accept it if it brings Jeanne peace, if it helps Jeanne get to a place where he can begin to accept the affection he wants to offer.

And THAT’S what kills me, kids. Four hundred years, and Comte fucking LEARNED something. He is perceptive to uncanny degrees, and never fails to read a room in milliseconds; not only does he pick up on how people feel, he responds with appropriate, gentle measures. What I love so much about Comte is that he knows full well that genius does not come without its price. You could be the smartest person on earth, the most talented, whatever you choose to call it, but it will invite no shortage of hatred from other people, no shortage of misunderstanding and disdain and violence. If people don’t go mad with power, they are destroyed by the very places that birthed them. As such, the last thing he wants to do is put them under more pressure, or force them to do things against their will; he just wants to give them a chance to live beyond such fickle and hostile circumstances. And he takes this seriously, this isn’t remotely a whim for him despite all evidence to the contrary. He gets that healing takes time, and as much as he wants everyone to be happy he’s more than willing to give them space/resources to figure it out. Like. He is the father everybody DREAMS they had (if they didn’t already have a good one) and the fact that I can’t tell him what a wonderful job he’s doing is killing me on all levels INCLUDING physical.

And I just?????? Jeanne’s palpable remorse when he finds out????? And Comte’s surprise???????? Like Comte wasn’t necessarily expecting that level of apology, he knew he was taking a gamble and he was ready to do whatever he had to, he wasn’t intending to hold it against his boy. But Jeanne just has such a tender and well-meaning heart (no matter how much he struggles to express it) that regret was inevitable. There’s just so much love in that moment, in Comte’s capacity to forgive and take on so much of poor Jeanne’s unhappiness, and Jeanne’s fully ability to admit he was misguided, lower his head, and apologize. THEY JUST GET ME BLUBBERING LIKE A THREE YEAR OLD OKAY THEY ARE BOTH SO IMPORTANT TO ME AND I HURT

Tl;dr: JEANNE’S ROUTE SHOT ME FORTY-SEVEN TIMES IN THE CHEST AND LEFT ME PINING FOR COMTE MORE THAN EVER BEFORE OTL

Also a bonus, because it only just occurred to me (spoilers from the end of Comte’s route):

THEY HAVE A LEGIT REVERSAL AT THE END OF COMTE’S ROUTE???? Comte once again gathers everyone to reveal Vlad’s identity and intentions, and he apologizes for keeping it from everyone, lowering his head. He’s more than ready to face everyone’s ire for keeping secrets, but everyone’s just like “dad pls lift your head it’s okay, we’re just glad we can help you now--you don’t have to carry it all on your own.” AND IT IS IN FACT, JEANNE, THAT ALSO SAYS “No need to bow like that Comte, aren't you the one always saying we're family?" AND WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS IN A PUDDLE OF TEARS?????? I WILL NEVER BE OKAY. POOR COMTE WAS SO MOVED AND MY HEART CAN’T TAKE HAVING THIS KNOWLEDGE WHERE’S MY HANKIE. JEANNE. BEING THE ONE. TO SAY. “Aren’t we family?” WHEN HEARING HOW HARD COMTE WAS WORKING TO PROTECT THEM, BC HE 100% IDENTIFIES WITH THE STRUGGLE OF LOOKING AFTER PEOPLE THAT DON’T KNOW/CARE THAT SOMEBODY ELSE IS THE SACRIFICE FOR THEIR PEACE OF MIND. I--

WHAT IS IT THAT JEANNE AND COMTE SHARE TO THE CORE, SO MUCH THAT JEANNE WOULD NEED NO OTHER EXPLANATION TO CHANGE HIS MIND AFTER YEARS OF BITTER DISDAIN???????? THEIR CAPACITY FOR DEVOTION, THEIR EASY WILLINGNESS TO SACRIFICE ANYTHING TO PROTECT A LIFE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS EPIPHANY IS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME

I’m crying rn I just: Comte: !!!!!!! Somebody who gets it!!! :DDD Jeanne: die. Comte:  Comte: ;-; understandable have a nice day

[dongboner2999]

Strangers ch. 33

You and Yoongi make a choice about your relationship.

Pairing: Yoongi x (female) Reader

Word count:

Genre: fluff, angst

|mlist|

<–– Prev   Next ––>

“No.”

“Mr. Min, it’s the only way–”

“No. I won’t do that to y/n. The fans would kill her.”

Blood roars in your ears, and your knees turn weak, the ache in your left leg feeling far more prominent with the memory of last night.

“I need to sit down,” you say faintly, and Yoongi turns to you, alarmed.

“Are you going to pass out again? Do you need water?” He returns his gaze to Bang PD and Avery. “Y/n shouldn’t even be here after she collapsed yesterday!”

You lower yourself into your chair, grateful for the weight off your injured leg. “Don’t worry about me, Yoongs. I’m not going to faint. I just...”

“If you were... dating.”

“My fans would kill her.”

“Y/n, honey...” Avery approaches you, her eyes full of empathy and... something else. “I know I’m not your manager, but I think it would be in your best interest to go with this idea. If you and Mr. Min pretend to date, it would explain why you were together yesterday, and it would boost Moon Over the Sea’s publicity.” She sits down in Yoongi’s chair and rests her hand on your leg. The proximity of her touch to your injury forces you to swallow a whimper of pain. “It would be temporary– you could ‘break up’ whenever you needed to, as long as the show’s promotions were over.”

“Surely you know of BTS’s fame,” Bang PD adds. “To be seen with Yoongi would do wonders for your public image. Millions of people would give anything to be in your place.”

“Stop trying to convince her!” Yoongi says, his eyes narrowing into a glare. “We’re just friends.”

“Of course you are– I know you’d never actually date y/n. But everyone loves onscreen/offscreen couples. And think about it, Yoongi.” Bang PD’s voice lowers, and you barely catch his words. “If you don’t do this, everyone goes down. You. Me. Y/n. The other members. Yoongi, it’s your only option. Besides...” Bang PD leans in and whispers something. Yoongi goes very pale at the executive’s words, shooting a glance at you before sighing.

“Ugh. Well– let me talk to her alone,” he asks his producer, his tone gentler, softer now.

“Take as much time as you need to come to the right decision. Miss Lee?” Bang PD leads Avery outside to an adjoining office in the BigHit Entertainment building.

As soon as they’re gone, you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. “We fucked up.”

“Did we?”

You stare at your friend in disbelief. “Gee, Sherlock, you tell me– we got fucking photographed at our spot, and now your boss and our director and my best friend and everyone else on the fucking planet knows that we know each other out of work, and a thousand percent of them think we’re dating, and now we’re being told that guess what? We have to pretend to date to keep my job, and yours, and the jobs of the other members!”

Your breath is getting shorter, your leg hurts, and you feel cold, so cold. “I fucked up. I fucked up. Yoongi, it’s my fault, I ruined it, I ruined you, I fucked up–”

“Hey. Hey! Y/n, shh...” Yoongi pulls his chair closer to yours and wraps an arm around you. “Deep breaths. You’re okay. You’re strong. And personally? I don’t think we fucked up.”

“How can you possibly think that?”

Yoongi shrugs. “I hated lying. Now I can meet your friends, and introduce you to other idols. Now I can talk about you during interviews– it’s so hard not bringing up some dumb thing we’ve done during our Truth or Dare or Drink games. We don’t have to pretend anymore.”

“Dingus, did you forget the fake-dating part?”

Yoongi presses his lips together. “Right, that...”

“Whatever. I don’t really need this job– I can go back to working in the cafe. I’ll delete my Twitter and change my hair.” If you drop off the face of the Earth, ARMYs will forget about you, and Yoongi and the other members of BTS will bounce back from That Photo quickly. It’s best for them that everything returns to normal as soon as possible.

Yoongi freezes before leaning back and folding his arms with a sigh. “Fine. If you don’t want to be an actress, leave. If this role isn’t worth fighting for, leave. If our friendship isn’t strong enough to get through this, leave. If you think the best way to fix this is to give up, leave– because that’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?”

“W-what?”

“Come on, y/n. I know you like I know my own mind. You think if you make some heroic sacrifice, it’ll be worth it because I’ll keep my reputation, right? You don’t want to go through with dating, because you know I’ll lose fans.”

“It was my fault,” you mutter, abashed. “The photo. I heard footsteps, but... I just wanted to see you.”

“And I wanted to see you, y/n. I was so scared last night, I thought that you were– well, whatever. But what’s done is done, and we should make the best of it.” Yoongi shrugs. “I’m okay with the fake-dating, if you are– you’re the better liar anyways.”

Did he speak, or merely stab you in the chest? For a second, you can’t rightly tell.

“Lisa would be so angry,” you croak, panicking. “If she thinks I’ve lied to her again, she might hate me for real.”

“Lisa’s your friend, she’d understand.”

“And the fans?”

Yoongi hesitates, biting his lip. “It’ll be fine.”

“You said they’d kill me.” They’ve already tried.

“They can’t really touch you, and they’ll love you soon enough.” Yoongi flashes you a small smile, but you only shiver, the memory of the redhead’s hands on your chest feeling real, far too real.

Yoongi notices. “Are you cold? Where’s...” his eyes darken. “Y/n, where’s your coat?”

In the river.

With my phone.

And my blood.

And nearly the rest of me, too.

“I left it at home.”

Yoongi stares at you silently, his eyes posing questions you can’t answer. You’re about to say something else, explain why you haven’t responded to any of the texts he’s surely sent you, but there’s a knock at the door and Bang Si-Hyuk and Avery reappear. You automatically shift away from Yoongi– the authority figures can’t think you actually like him.

“So?” Bang PD asks. “Have you come to a decision?”

“Up to you,” Yoongi murmurs quietly, and you blink hard.

Your ARMY self is screaming, dying, rolling on the floor and thanking every deity you can think of. Dating Min Yoongi– even as a lie– is all your dreams come true.

Some other part of you, barely a whisper in your mind, is saying not like this.

You don’t want to force Yoongi’s hand. But you’re scared, so scared of the consequences of agreeing. Still, if it’s the only way... and Yoongi’s right; his friendship is worth it.

You swallow, the singular action taking with it your doubts, fears, and a little bit of you.

“Yes. We’ll do it.”

~~~

You stare into Yoongi’s eyes. “I have to say, my life was much easier before you came along.”

Yoongi smiles mischievously. “But much less fun, I hope.”

“Cut! Nice going, guys– I think that’s our take!” Avery claps twice and you rise carefully from the beautiful period set. At Avery’s words, the room is once more filmed with the hustle and bustle of film.

“Okay, next we’re going to finish the countryside scenes– Yoongi, y/n, you’re done for the day. Good work. And,” Avery lowers her voice to a whisper, “make sure to leave together.”

You smile weakly and nod at your director. What else can you do? It’s been several weeks since your near-drowning, and since you and Yoongi began ‘dating’.

“Tell me this,” you grumble, catching up to Yoongi on his way out the door. “How are we supposed to leave together if we go in opposite directions?”

Your friend laughs, shrugs. “Beats me. On the bright side, the show is getting a lot more publicity.”

“That’s ‘cause of you, not us,” you reply, punching him in the arm.

“Y/n, haven’t you learned anything?” Yoongi asks, exasperated. “You are special, and people really like you.”

Not everyone. In the several weeks since your near-drowning, you got a new phone and, well... everything is back to normal.

@bangtan-news: Is love in the air? BTS’ #Suga spotted on a romantic evening walk with #MoonOverTheSea costar @yourname! @captainkookie21: @bangtan-news they’re faking they have to be @BTS_twt pls deny these awful rumors @jkthighs: @captainkookie21 are u still leading the anti @yourname movement lol I support u (^w^) @largebaguette: ugh why does @yourname have so many haters?? Just let BTS date who they want to they’re grown ass men

@queenyn: I love #YoongiAndYn honestly the best ship uwu I’m so happy they’re dating @jiminhasjams: rt if you’d pay money to slap @yourname for stealing yoongi

@captainkookie21: I think we should boycott @yourname until they agree to recast yoongi’s LI in #MoonOverTheSea tbh. #boycottyn let’s make it happen! Fighting!

You sigh, shaking your head to rid your mind of the daily flood of hatred. Ever since first being seen together with Yoongi in public, your social media mentions have increased a hundredfold.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Yoongi asks, seeming to pick up on your mood.

“Oh, nothing." You say quickly. “The dating thing is just weird, you know?”

Yoongi shrugs. “It’s not like we have to kiss, or even hold hands. It’s the same as always, except, you know...” he gestures at the sun shining brightly overhead. “We get to see that.”

“That’s true. Hey,” you check your watch. “I have some time before my next job... do you want to get coffee at my place? I’d suggest a cafe, but I don’t want you to get swarmed.”

“Sounds good. I’ll have my driver take me there separately. If your address is still secret, you should keep it that way.”

Twenty minutes later, you’re brewing coffee in your thankfully upgraded coffeemaker. Yoongi sits at your small table, munching thoughtfully on a muffin.

“So how’s life?” he asks, and you snort.

“We’ve seen each other almost every day, Yoongs. Do you really need to ask?”

“I guess I’m just used to not knowing much about you,” he says, accepting your offered mug of coffee.

“Look who’s talking, Agust.”

“Oh god,” Yoongi groans, snickering. “I can’t believe I gave you that name.”

“I can’t believe you said you were an accountant.”

“Hey, I’d make a great accountant,” Yoongi replies.

You roll your eyes. “Your hair was blue and you’re twenty-something. Even if I didn’t know BTS, I’d think you were lying.”

A light breeze hits your back and your heart stops. Cold. Your breath quickens and your teeth begin chattering.

“Y-Y-Yoongi, could you c-close the w-window?” You thought it was closed, you haven’t opened it since that night, since you felt the cold so deep in your bones it felt like you might shatter into pieces.

“It’s... it’s not open,” Yoongi says, cocking his head. “Are you okay?”

“Mhm. Just gotta grab a jacket.” You’re already wearing a sweater and a shirt underneath, but it’s not enough. You pad to your hall closet and grab your new coat.

“When’s your next job?” Yoongi calls, still sitting at the coffee table.

“At five. What time is it now?” You ask, pulling your arms through the sleeves. Your phone is on the table, so you can’t check yourself.

“Just past four–” Yoongi’s voice cuts off and an eerie silence fills your apartment.

“Yoongi? What’s wrong?” You reappear in the kitchen only to see Yoongi looking paler than you’ve ever seen him, staring openmouthed at his phone.

No... not his phone. Your phone. And your notifications.

“Y/n, what...” Yoongi’s voice cracks. “When were you going to tell me?”

[veiljumpernyssa]

could you just... like... answer all of those questions at once? I can't pick one but I wanna know all the things

Oh God okay

[[MORE]]

1. When did you start playing?

Oh a long time ago...over a  year ago I’d say? The main 3 were only up to uhhhh the Hermit book I think. I remember I stopped playing after that gross fetishy Asra CG came out.

2. What got you into the game?

The beautiful art and the tarot theme. This was before I knew what I know fdjhksd

3. Who was your first route?

Julian!

4. Who is your favourite route?

Honestly Muriel is shaping up to be my favourite so far. Before that, I loved Asra’s route.

5. Who is your least favourite?

So far, Portia’s. Don’t get me wrong - it’s nothing to do with Portia herself. It just feels a little stagnant and flat.

(I bet you expected me to say Lucio, didn’t you? Well, you’re wrong).

6. Who do you play in Heart Hunter?

Chibi Chandra!

7. Who is your favourite to chase in Heart Hunter?

Portia or Muriel!

8. Who of the not playable LIs do you wish you could romance?

The baker. Selasi route when?

9. Opinion on Asra?

Asra is often mischaracterised imo and held to an unfair standard that a lot of the other characters aren’t. I’ve seen many of these arguments and I’m tired.

Asra is not jealous, possessive, creepy, manipulative or shady. Not once does he act possessive towards the MC in any of the routes including his own (a possible exception could be made for the Reversed Ending, but what do you expect? That’s after the MC literally enables that behaviour).

Being sad or cautioning the MC against Julian is not being jealous or possessive. The way he talks about Julian it’s pretty obvious he felt more for the man than he realises, even if he doesn’t understand that himself.

Asra keeps secrets from the MC because canonically trying to remember too much too fast harms the MC. This has been established. In his route, he literally tells you that he hates keeping secrets from you. He takes you into his own personal gateway - an expression of trust and a willingness to open up to you. Does he do these things in the other routes? No, but that’s because you’re not spending that time with him.

I also see people angsting about how sad Asra is going to be when you tell him about Lucio in his route. Lucio harmed his parents and has been cruel to Asra so like idk what you expect. The MC doesn’t know this of course, but you do!

I think we also forget that Asra took a considerable amount of time and effort to rehabilitate the MC, care for them and reteach them basic tasks as well as magic.

Is Asra a perfect person? Of course not. He’s probably overly cautious, he can be a little distant and he reacts badly when in a crisis (see the deal he made with the Devil). He’s not always brave and not always strong, but why should we expect him to be? He’s a human being and he’s bound to have faults, but he has a generous nature and is remarkably well-adjusted considering the trauma of his childhood (don’t tell me that suddenly losing your parents is not traumatic).

10. Opinion on Julian?

I once said that Julian is likely hypersexual and I still maintain that. (For those of you who don’t know, being hypersexual is like..a tendency to engage in compulsive or self-harming sexual behaviour, sometimes as a result of trauma). I think Julian craves affection and associates sexual interest or sexual contact with his worth as a person. I don’t think he does it deliberately or to be manipulative, but because he has a definite self-esteem problem. I honestly see him as bipolar like me.

I think the way the fandom treats him as this dumbass uwu subby boy is kind of annoying. A lot of people I feel erase his bisexuality either by just ignoring it or by making homophobic jokes where the punchline is ‘ha ha he likes dick like you do!!!!’ like no shit, he’s BISEXUAL. But he’s also hard-working, brave, clever, pleasant and good-natured, and once he starts to really come into his own, he’s cheerful and optimistic. He has so many more good qualities than just ‘submissive and kinky’.

11. Opinion on Lucio?

This may surprise y’all but I actually don’t hate Lucio that much. I love to hate him as a villain.

I think he, like all of us, is a product of his environment. He grew up in a clan with a strong martial culture; his clan were warlike and frequently made war on his neighbours. We’re all influenced by our upbringing and I don’t think he’s an exception. I draw the line at saying he ‘just didn’t know right from wrong’ though. He’s not a baby.

But the differences between Lucio and the other LIs like Portia, Asra, Muriel etc is that Lucio’s life and his fate and the hardships he’s faced are almost entirely due to his own choices. It was he who decided on the eve of his eighteenth birthday to kill his parents. He sought out Vlagnagog with the intention of making a deal. He chose to continue to make deals. He knew he carried the plague and he chose to carry it across the continent including into Vesuvia, causing the deaths of thousands. He murdered and blackmailed his way across the continent. He wouldn’t have even needed to bargain for a new body if he hadn’t caught the plague that he brought into Vesuvia himself after making a deal etc.

Do I think he is a sort of cackling, villainous cliche or unrepentantly evil? No. I think he’s a person who has made deliberate choices that he is facing the consequences for and IMO it’s important that he face those consequences. I do think his main issue is entitlement and a profound lack of self-esteem (I don’t think he really believes any of the stuff he actually says about himself or other people; even Lucio’s not delusional).

I mean that’s about as generous and objective a take on Lucio as I can give you. I’ve made my feelings clear on him, but I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t actually understand him as a character, hopefully the above will prove I do haha.

12. Opinion on Muriel?

Out of all the LIs I think I relate most strongly to Muriel because of a few reasons: trauma, touch-starved, lonely and wants to connect but afraid of getting hurt (physically or emotionally).

Now that I’ve gotten personal, I really hate the way Muriel is treated by the fandom. He’s either called bland or boring, or he’s treated like he’s an animal, called feral and animalistic. He’s none of those things.

Muriel has a big complex about being alone. He was literally given away by his parents and left in Vesuvia on his own, to fend for himself on the streets. Being abandoned by his parents and not knowing why, not remembering is traumatic enough, but because of his size he’s often characterised as aggressive and strong when he’s always been gentle. Later in his life, Muriel was forced to fight and kill people against his will. I don’t think a lot of people get just how traumatic that is; not only being forced into doing Lucio’s bidding, but being forced to violently take someone’s life. I don’t blame him for leaving to live at his hut and resist connecting to anyone. It’s common for traumatized people to withdraw and isolate themselves, because the thought of getting hurt again is more frightening than being alone. But everyone needs human contact, and I think Muriel struggles a lot between wanting connection and contact (physical or emotional), between not wanting to get hurt again, to not feeling like he’s worth the effort. That struggle is something very close to my heart and that’s why I’m attached to him.

13. Opinion on Nadia?

Nadia has the biggest youngest sister complex and it’s almost amusing because I, too, have the same complex (even though I’m actually the older sibling!). Nadia, like me, feels like she’s always been compared unfavourably to her older sisters, and has felt like she has to work harder to prove she’s their equal.

It’s probably because she’s a Cancer like me. We have dual natures sometimes; the caretaker and the ringleader, who feel like we have to take it all on ourselves to get the job properly done, but who have moments where our self-doubt takes over.

I do find some aspects of Nadia’s route to be sort of odd, where it’s mentioned that the people of Vesuvia find her to be a tyrant. There’s literally no evidence to suggest that, so the only reasoning I can find next is she’s a woc. But race doesn’t matter in Vesuvia apparently so...what else could be the reason? Not to mention she’s been asleep for the past three years, so the people haven’t even seen the Countess in that time.

I feel like we didn’t really get to understand a lot about Nadia even from her route-why did she fall asleep? What on Earth did she see in Lucio? Why did she let him do all those bad things in Vesuvia before he died? (My initial thought was Cancers can be sloth-like and passive, so that could be why).

14. Opinion on Portia?

Of all the LIs I feel like it’s Portia I know the least about despite having probably the most appearances. Sure, she’s quirky and fun and cheerful, and that’s cute, but...what does she want? What does she fear? How does she feel about her brother being on trial?

I’m hoping we get to expand more of her personality in her route. I know her patron Arcana is the Star, so her route will likely be about learning to have faith in other people, but who knows.

15. What is your favourite Arcana card?

Justice. The Empress is a close runner-up.

16. Have you bought any of the official merch?

No, I refuse to give a single cent to Nix Hydra. (I really want those Tarot cards though hhh)

17. What is your favourite CG?

The one where Asra is sitting in the gondola. Squishy cheeks :3c

18. How many Arcana themed blogs do you have?

Three! This one, then I run an Ask Muriel blog at @ask-muriel-inanna and an Ask Asra blog at @ask-asra-and-faust

19. Do you draw any Arcana art? What is your favourite image you have drawn?

The cover I just did for my Arcana comic! I cant link but it's in #arcana comic and #my art

20. Self insert or apprentice insert?

Both are valid, but I have an apprentice OC.

21. Do you have an apprentice?

Yes I do! Their name is Daya

22. If there is one thing that could be made with the Arcana theme on it, what would it be and why?

Idk what this means I big dumb

23. What is your favourite ship?

Outside of the LI x MC ships I really do like Asriel and Portia/Nadia (but only if Portia isn’t her servant anymore).

24. What is your least favourite ship?

Muriel x Lucio, Asra x Lucio or Julian x Lucio. None of them would even consider ever touching Lucio with a ten foot pole and y’all know this.

25. On your first play through, what direction was your ending for the LIs?

Upright babey!!!!!

[medievalcat]

ok. I finished Children of God (sequel to The Sparrow), and while I was able to follow it better than when I first read it (I think I was really distracted a few years ago, and had trouble focusing).....I didn’t like it as much as the first one, which I’m aware isn’t an unpopular opinion, even though I didn’t hate all of it. Here are my thoughts on why it didnt work imo and what I did like about it.

The Sparrow would naturally be a hard act to follow, and I get that sometimes sequels do different things than the first installations. book one is about Emilio and book two is about Rakhat. Okay. I think there’s a lot of interesting material that could have been made of Emilio, John, and all the new guys visiting Rakhat years after the first expedition. It’s what the author did- and, really, this was present in the first book as well, and one of the first book’s issues, but here it’s really one of the main points of the story and far more prominent than ever before- that didn’t succeed. It’s the story of Rakhat....but given how Rakhat is written, maybe it shouldnt have been. This book honestly ranged from “enjoyable” to “disappointing” to “implicitly or explicitly expressing horrible views”.

It’s one thing to make an oppression storyline in a fantasy setting- FMA for example does this. But in that, the victims are humans. In this, not only does the story do an oppression narrative about fantasy creatures, which is already a very difficult thing to pull off, she repeatedly draws comparisons between nonhuman aliens and things like the Holocaust and genocide and oppression of Native Americans. She even has her one native character draw this comparison and *stay behind on another planet instead of going to earth* for some “reservation” plotline at the end.  This is a good example of why when we criticize media sometimes we have to focus specifically on the writers who choose to make these events happen, who choose to write certain stories and who choose to frame them in certain ways. I’m kind of glad this book doesn’t have a fandom, really, because tumblr types would focus on which aliens’ side is “right” and not on the fact that the author chose to write some fantasy creature oppression story with incoherent imperialism commentary while trivializing real genocides. I remember a really uncomfortable paragraph in the first one that implied the Ottoman Empire was some kind of safe haven for all ethnic/religious groups as well as a line (keep in mind these were written in the 90s) about how Bosnia is violent because of ............ “blood feuds”. Many people have said this story is weak because it focused on these new alien characters and the Rakhat storyline so much. This, for me, is the main reason why that storyline was so weak.

One thing I liked was some of the new characters. I liked Danny and Joseba and Nico and Sean and Gina and Pope Gelasius. I think this book kind of did a “later season of Vikings” so that there were suddenly all these new people but few of them got good development. So that was a weakness but I didn’t mind many of the characters in and of themselves and enjoyed these new additions. Sure they weren’t like the people in the first book but that’s okay. They added new perspectives. Danny had a lot of interesting stuff about forgiveness that I liked. I also liked initially how Sofia was revealed to be alive but....she was shafted. We barely see her in favor of her badly offensively written written son (I know this was written 20 years ago but. the way he and his disability are portrayed as like...literally “alien” even though ths is supposed to be a “positive”.... is honestly....why  the living fuck did she do this....) and Supaari’s daughter who he CONCEIVED FROM RAPE and we’re just supposed to be ok with that bc the author very conveniently wrote the victim to be as unsympathetic as possible and because “uwu miracle of life!! yay children!” I’m supposed to buy that Sofia, a child trafficking survivor, is allies and friends with a man who not only is a rapist but sold a person she loved into sex slavery.......after the narrative called to attention how similar Sofia and Emilio’s experiences were, and the first book was an imperfect story but a deep introspective exploration of the effects of SA.....lol ok. And then she gets killed off at the end offscreen in a single sentence.

There’s also....I really doubt she intended some of this but it’s clearly in the story .... it really has bad implications, that the only relations between men are abusive in both books. there are literally no other relations between men, even though there is a gay character (who I understand  is a celibate priest, and having a gay priest is cool!) but....it just doesnt have good implications that relations between men are only ever presented as bad. especially because the thing that truly “heals” Emilio is being with a woman and I think in our society (and thus our media) we have a real problem with thinking that “healing” as a sexual abuse victim means having sex with a man if youre a woman and with a woman if you’re a man, and that male sa victims of men are only really victims if they like women (and, of course, women sa victims in general just have to like men). Of course there is nothing wrong with Gina, I loved her, and nothing is wrong with writing an sa survivor who is able to have a relationship after. But MDR killed her off for no good reason. The other crew members dying in the first book, those were well written character deaths. and how many times did she do the “this woman died but thats whatever narratively, because she has a kid uwu miracle of life” thing in this sequel. I think MDR is like GRRM in that she has good intentions clearly, and has such good sff works/characters and takes oh the Human Experience and everything, but doesn’t always know how to handle issues in a responsible way and it’s really glaring even if there are obviously worse people in media. To be honest (and again, here Im glad there’s no fandom, because people are so weird about this stuff) MDR should have just had Emilio and John be together. “Your friendship should have been proof enough of God” ???????? hello??????  Their relationship was one of  the things that actually was well fleshed out in the sequel until John and all the other guys who weren’t in the Camorra  just.....stayed on Rakhat forever.

Part of the handling of Sofia seemed like a broader pattern of the plot being completely forced. Everything happens for some sake of The Plot- this is something later seasons of GOT have been criticized for. This plot in particular, in addition to the alien oppression metaphor, seemed to want to make everything about the story in particular its end be some kind of “bookend” to mirror the first book. Sofia dies (for real this time. honestly....her death in the first one was good writing!), Emilio and his unlikely escorts go home, no one else gets to go home, there’s a huge societal upheaval on Rakhat because of the humans, a huge reveal about Rakhat’s “divine” music. I have nothing against this kind of narrative device but when it’s this forced to the point where the story is blatantly constructed for the sake of this......it didn’t work. The “music” plot twist was like..............really??? All of that? They’re staying on this planet? If they had all gotten more time in the story (because this book is the same length as the first book but has far more different subplots and far longer of a timespan and far more narrators) we might  find that more plausible. I don’t think everything needs to be spelled out for us. In the first book when everyone is stranded, it’s clear that they think this is tragic, but they are trying to make the best of it because they all love each other and are together. In this one they don’t all have that kind of bond and it’s dependent on the long-winded and incoherent Rakhat political storyline. Because a lot of it isn’t even that well developed in addition to the earlier addressed things. We go between random one-off characters. So much is about the war but it’s written so anti-climatically. Sofia broke down in the first book when she learned they were stranded, and now she doesn’t care at all about returning back to Earth because the Runa are “her people” now, but how much of that is really what she tells herself to cope with what she lost- and what she experienced on earth in her youth? we don’t know. The Pope just....sent Emilio who became probably the most infamous person on Earth, back into space, and it wasn’t a big deal for the Church or at all? And all it took for it to happen was a handful of Camorra men with Vatican connections, who were just adapted so well to space travel and extended time on a new planet that initially made the people in the first book sick when transitioning into life there? And let me reiterate we’re supposed to accept that the divinely ordained reason all this happened was because Isaac wrote music inspired by human and alien dna and it sounded wonderful? 

This just felt very forced. “Emilio never wants to go back to Rakhat so obviously this book has to be about how he goes back there and accepts that it actually happened for a Good Reason bc of some music, and music was the way they found it in the first place.” How about how he accepts that it happened and comes to terms with what happened to him without either hating himself for his actions or thinking it was all For The Greater Good Actually, because you cant undo the past, aka what the first book was building up to and culminated in? idk. the first book was all about how bad things happen and that this doesn’t mean we have to give up our faith even if we question our faith. this was more like “every cloud has a silver lining lol”.

There were many nice things- Emilio’s friendship with Nico, many of the moments with Sofia towards the end and her reuniting with Emilio, John getting more to do, the new Pope, Celestina ending up having an important job as a theater and leaving a trail of men in her wake lol. I don’t want to say don’t read this. But if you like the first book you might not like this one, and if you’re considering reading the first book, it.....works best as a standalone.