#i love transplant but i'm not sure i want my life to be quite that terrible

[snowandstarlight]

fun fact: most of the time when you get a kidney transplant, we don’t take out either of your original kidneys. so there are people out there with 3 or even 4 kidneys

[daryl-dixon-daydreams]

Words: 3,881 Pairing: Negan x Reader Reader pronouns: she/her Era: Alexandria, after the war, Negan is imprisoned Warnings: language (duh), allusions to past violence and flashbacks Summary: Y/N decides Negan has earned just a little bit more freedom. A/N: This is part 2 of a miniseries... lol or maybe not so mini? I'm not sure yet! Slow burn takes time to do well... anyway, first part is linked below! HAPPY WICKED WEDNESDAY! Bad Medicine - Part 1

You came in late that evening. Negan looked up from his book. Something he thought was maybe relief washed over him to see you again, though he wasn’t quite sure why. Maybe he just didn’t want another tense exchange with Daryl… Maybe he was just glad not to be alone.

You slid his tray through the slot and watched curiously as he carefully tucked a torn scrap of paper into the pages of his book to mark his place. “What’re you reading?” you asked.

“Some book Gabriel left me,” he said. “I think I’ve read it five times.”

“What is it?” you asked again.

“Some nautical whaling adventure bullshit,” Negan said, bending to pick up his tray.

“Is it any good?” you asked.

“It was the first time. Maybe a bit the second. But not anymore,” he said with a dry laugh, sinking back down on his cot to settle into his dinner.

“I can bring you some other things to read. What do you like?” you offered.

His hazel eyes shot up to you, his expression unreadable for a moment. “Now, why would do that, doll?”

You ignored his use of the pet name and simply shrugged. “Because I’d hate to have to read the same thing over and over and over with no choice.”

“Isn’t that what me bein’ in here is all about? No choice?”

You paused reflectively. “Maybe at first, as a punishment for everything you did. But now—I don’t think so.”

“Well, I’m not gonna fuckin’ turn down some new reading material if you’re offerin’.” A mischievous glint grew in his eyes. “Don’t suppose you’ve got any naughty stuff layin’ around, do you?” he laughed.

You rolled your eyes. “Negan…”

“Honestly, homemade pictures would be even better if you have the means—”

“I’m leaving,” you growled, turning to go.

He laughed heartily and you were surprised that your steps faltered at the sound. “Come on! I’m only kidding! Ish…”

You turned back around and shot him a look.

“Here’s a question: what’s the deal with you and Daryl?” he asked, taking an exploratory bite out of his sandwich.

Your eyebrows lifted. “Seriously? That’s what you want to talk about?”

He shrugged. “Well, this whole Gabe-Siddiq-Rosita love triangle has me on the edge of my seat. Can you blame me for hoping to scrounge up another such juicy morsel? You know I love a bit of drama. It’s a real-life telenovela.”

You rolled your eyes but paced back toward his cell and took a seat in the wooden chair outside it. “Daryl is… I consider him my brother,” you said. “And I’d die for him. He’s family.”

“You sure he knows about this bein’ ‘brotherly’ love?” Negan laughed. “He gave me quite a talking to about you earlier…”

“Considering your past, can you blame him?”

“No,” Negan admitted. “No, I can’t… So, no hanky-panky there, huh?” Negan asked, leaning forward to study your face as if trying to confirm what you’d just told him, still smiling. “Too bad for him… Guy could probably use some, right? Help chill him the fuck out,” he laughed.

You shot him a disapproving stare and he tried to look apologetic with only some success. “Are you through?” you asked, your tone bored.

“Yeah, I guess so. Thanks for the meal,” he said. You climbed to your feet, nodding.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? We’ll do the same thing. There’s more to do over there.”

“You got it, boss,” Negan acknowledged. “Hey—Y/N—I know I can be an asshole, but I really meant what I said earlier. Thank you.”

You only nodded and gave him a tight smile.

And that was how you and Negan continued, for quite some time. It took you over a week to get the area completely cleared and the rescued medicinal plants transplanted. After that, you ended up having Negan build the new raised beds and help you install them. He could be surprisingly handy when he wasn’t busy cracking jokes and he seemed genuinely grateful for something to do to pass the time. It was surprising how easily the two of you got into an almost comfortable routine. You often were reminding yourself that all you were doing was building rapport so you could help Negan make progress, whatever that meant… It still seemed to be some vague, shapeless idea in your mind, but the thought of Carl and Rick and your loyalty and sense of duty to help Michonne kept you going.

Finally, with that project done, you decided it was time to start venturing outside the walls. Considering how well things had been going, Daryl couldn’t disagree with you anymore, though he did continually feel the need to remind you not to let your guard down. He also requested that you stay close to Alexandria when you ventured out, something you agreed to as sensible, at least to start.

Afterall, if Negan really was to someday assimilate back into this weird version of “society,” this step-by-step, gradual building of trust and rapport seemed like the way to do it.

_ _ _ _ _ _

You lightly tossed a canvas pack at him after swinging the cell door open and he caught it against his chest, giving you a curious look.

“Think you can handle going outside the walls today?” you asked him.

Negan looked surprised. “With careful supervision, I’m assuming?”

“Obviously,” you said.

He nodded, still looking a little stunned. “You trust me enough to take me outside the walls?”

“Enough,” you agreed, cocking one eyebrow.

Negan let out a low laugh. “Alright… What’s the plan then for today, warden?”

You rolled your eyes. He’d taken to calling you that since you’d given him a few stern looks in response to his usual pet names. “Foraging,” you said simply. “We running low on a few things.”

Negan stepped out of his cell with the bag slung over his shoulder, his canteen now stored inside alongside the smaller bags you’d tossed in for keeping gathered ingredients separated. “And I’m serving mostly as the pack mule?” he asked, watching you brush past him closely to swing his cell shut behind him. Was he imagining it or had your hand brushed his arm? Probably imagining it…

“Pack mule?” you repeated. You held up your own pack to show him. “No. I’m gonna collect mine into my bag, and you’re gonna store whatever you find in your own. I’ve been teaching you plants for a couple weeks now. I thought we’d see what you’ve learned,” you explained. “Unless, you’d rather stay here and—”

“No,” Negan interrupted you, almost a little too eagerly. He laughed a little nervously and the sound was deep and had a slightly gruff edge to it. “No,” he repeated, less eager. He ran a hand back through his hair and shrugged. “I’d rather not sit in my cell doing fuck-all, thanks.”

You smiled at him a little and he tried to ignore the way his heart jumped in his chest. Uh oh. What was that? Surely that was just because you were the only woman who’d smiled at him in maybe… six years?

“That’s what I thought,” you said. “Come on.”

Negan followed you through town toward the gate and you both tried your hardest to ignore the not-so-subtle stares. You should have been used to it by now, but whenever you stepped out with Negan beside you, you felt as if you were on display. The man may as well have been wearing a sign advertising his past crimes. There would never be any complete escape from his reputation and past. All you could hope for was a tiny seed of redemption… and some days even that seemed hard.

As you approached the gate, Negan cleared his throat and glanced over at you.

“Hmm?” you hummed, absently waving to Rosita who was on the guard platform.

“So, Daryl was okay with this?” Negan asked and you shot him a weird look.

“What does Daryl have to do with anything? What is your obsession with him?” you asked.

“Uhh—he fuckin’ hates me and threatened to kill me if I tried to hurt you or—do anything he perceives as being out of line,” Negan admitted. “You can see why that’s of slight concern to me,” he finished.

“Makes sense,” you said, not at all surprised. “But Daryl trusts my judgement, so when I told him I thought you were ready for slightly more freedom he was fine with it and so was Michonne. And if we aren’t back by dark, they’ll come looking. They know exactly where we’ll be,” you explained, stepping out past the gate with Negan just behind you. The metallic rattle continued until you heard the familiar slam and clunk of the latch, indicating you were firmly outside the walls. You looked over at Negan and he had a queer expression on his face, his eyes flitting over the scenery ahead. “It’s been a minute, hmm, since you’ve seen outside,” you commented.

He nodded, his hazel eyes finally landing back on you. “Yeah,” he said. He pulled in a deep breath, filling his lungs to the brim and then let it out slowly.

You thought he almost seemed emotional and you again marked the vulnerability you were seeing in him. This Negan seemed far different from the one who had brandished the baseball bat… “Come on,” you said, nodding your head toward the tree line.

Negan hesitated. “Hey, uhh… What if—” he stopped, breaking off abruptly and you gave him a curious look. “Just—I can’t exactly defend myself if shit goes sideways out here, can I? You’re certainly not gonna hand me a knife,” he laughed dryly.

You smiled vaguely. “I’ll protect you, Negan,” you said. For some reason, this made him laugh and your eyes shot over to him. “What? You don’t think I can?”

“No, it’s not that. Not at all. It’s just—bit of a role reversal from my Savior days, isn’t it?”

Your face grew sad, the smile fading, and the look in your eyes grew more distant. “You weren’t a savior, Negan. The only person you were really saving was yourself,” you said decisively.

“I kept a lot of people alive in the Sanctuary before your group showed up,” he retorted.

“Alive?” you repeated, rounding on him. “Alive in the same way we’ve been keeping you alive in that cell. Maybe alive, but not living. How often did you even think about what the lowest of the workers were going through? Scraping for points, wondering if they’d have enough to feed their kids, let alone themselves. I bet you didn’t think of them even once a day. You were too busy indulging in whatever the fuck you wanted.”

Negan’s brow dropped low over his hazel eyes and he looked reflective, as if truly considering the weight of your words. When you started walking again, he followed behind you in silence and you could feel a tension between the two of you for several long minutes. But by the time you started pointing out plants to him, it had diminished.

Negan was a fast learner and it wasn’t long before you both had a few of the small foraging bags full of herbs and mushrooms. You’d only had to correct him a couple times on his identification. (“Not those unless you want to go back to being in your cell all the time, Negan,” you’d said. You scraped your nail down the stem and it suddenly bruised bright yellow before your eyes. He’d flinched and dropped the poisonous mushroom, an easy to make mistake for a new learner. “Fuck me! No, I sure as shit do not,” he’d said, casting an apologetic look at you. You’d given him an encouraging smile and told him it was alright.)

He found himself laughing and shaking his head suddenly, tucking another small bag into the canvas pack.

“What?” you prompted him.

“Just—look at me? I’m out here following you around in the woods picking mushrooms and leaves like a fucking Disney princess. Life is wild,” he said. His hazel eyes were crinkled in a smile and you took in the sparking nature of the light in them and the genuine ease of him just existing in that moment. The salt and pepper in his beard was more noticeable now that he’d been keeping it neat and trimmed again and it wasn’t lost on you that the somewhat slumped posture of his shoulders seemed to have lessened lately.

You sighed and nodded your agreement. “It sure it,” you agreed. “If you’d told me a year ago that I’d be out here with you, I’d have taken it as a threat.” You turned back to the plant in front of you and plucked a few more leaves before glancing over at him again. You were surprised to see that his eyes were still on you. “Do you miss it?” you asked him suddenly. You were still down on one knee on the leaf litter and he was standing above you, his tall, lean frame stretching upwards. An involuntary flash of the line-up suddenly burst in your mind, hot and red, and you nearly fell over, all your breath leaving in a rush. You put a hand down to steady yourself and Negan watched your head drop and your eyes squeeze closed. Your other hand drifted to the handle of your gun, as if you were reassuring yourself it was still there.

“Hey—” Negan said, concern thick in his voice. “You okay, doll?”

You gathered yourself, gulping at the sudden tightness in your throat, and then stood up quickly, nodding. “Yeah. I’m fine. And don’t call me that… I think—I think we’re about done for today,” you said hurriedly, tucking the supplies back into your own pack.

He nodded, his brow still heavily furrowed. “Okay,” he said, his voice unsure. But he fell into step beside you again. The tension in the air had returned. Negan let it stretch for a minute before he broke the silence, genuinely feeling his concern like a tightness across his chest. “You aren’t gonna tell me what that was about back there?”

You didn’t turn to look at him, but you could feel his eyes on you. You focused straight ahead instead, and navigated stepping over some fallen wood while you answered. “No,” you said simply.

“Okay.” Negan forced himself to pull his eyes away from you, nodding, and fell silent again. Neither of you spoke on the short walk back to the gate nor all the way back to the cell. You finally looked up and met his eyes again as he handed you the pack he’d had slung over his shoulder, now full of foraged tidbits that would make life just a little bit better or a little bit more enjoyable for many residents.

Negan studied your expression, and he thought you looked sad. There was really no other word for it. His hands slipped into his pockets and he stepped back into his cell just far enough to allow you to close the door, not taking his eyes off you. The bolt locking him in echoed in the space.

“Thanks for your help today,” you said, meeting his eyes one more time.

His brow furrowed even more heavily over his eyes. “Sure,” he said, nodding. “Not sure you should be thankin’ me, though. Probably should go the other way around.”

You didn’t really acknowledge his response, just added his canvas bag to your shoulder and licked your lips nervously. “I’ll make sure you get lunch soon,” you said.

Negan watched you turn and leave, puzzled and frankly a little worried. His fingers curled around the cold iron bars of his cell as the outside door slammed behind you.

Once you were back in the sunshine, you made your way toward the pantry with the bags, with a detour to find Daryl at Aaron’s house. He was just where you expected he’d be, working in the garage.

He turned at the sound of your footsteps and straightened up hurriedly when he realized it was you and perhaps because he sensed something or read it on your face. “Hey,” he drawled, wiping his hands absently on the bandana from his back pocket. “How’d it go out there?” he asked eagerly.

You nodded thoughtfully, chewing on your bottom lip for a moment. “Good,” you said. “Pretty good…”

His eyes narrowed. “Ya sure?” he prodded you. “Somethin’ happen?” He was already bristling, ready to go punch Negan across the jaw if he needed to.

“Not exactly,” you said hesitantly, fiddling with the strap of your bag.

Daryl frowned. “What’s that mean?”

“I mean—he didn’t do anything. I just—I had a flashback,” you said, your eyes growing a bit distant. “To back then. At the line-up,” you murmured, ducking your head and blinking fast to clear away the tears in your eyes. “I was kneeling down, picking tea leaves off this plant and I looked up and he was sort of standing over me and it just—it triggered something,” you admitted.

Daryl looked deeply concerned, the line between his eyebrows deepening. “Was it somethin’ in yer gut? Did ya feel… unsafe?”

“No,” you said, almost urgently, looking up at him and catching his blue eyes again. There was a touch of faint disbelief in your own voice. “That’s the thing. I don’t feel unsafe around him now. It was just something about the angle. I looked up and he was standing there and—” You broke off and sighed again. “I don’t know…”

Daryl leaned forward on his hands on the workbench between you. “Well, it ain’t like all that past shit just goes away,” he said. “I couldn’t do what yer doin’,” Daryl admitted. You gave him a curious look and he nodded. “If I walked him out into the woods, he wouldn’t be comin’ back.”

You let out a dry laugh. “Yeah… Anyway, I just—I hate to ask you…” you hesitated again.

“Ask me,” he said. “It’s alrigh’.”

“Would you mind just getting lunch together and taking it to him? I think I just need a break for a little bit. Or I can ask Michonne,” you added.

“S’alrigh’. I’ve got it. Michonne is busy with the kids. Soon as I finish up in here, I’ll pull somethin’ together.”

You look relieved. “Thank you,” you sighed.

“S’nothin’,” he said. He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment and you could tell he was on the edge of saying something. “Ya dun have to do this, ya know. If it’s too much—he can rot in that cell for everythin’ he did. Fuck him,” Daryl said pointedly, throwing in a small smirk as he said the last two words.

You had to laugh a little at that. “Yeah, I know. It’s okay. I don’t give up that easily. I’ll be good by the time he needs his evening meal. Thanks, Daryl.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

Negan looked up, hesitant, as he heard the outside door open. He was expecting to see Daryl coming in again. He couldn’t stop turning what had happened outside the walls in the morning over and over in his head. He scrutinized his own behavior and yours. He thought through all the conversations… but he’d come up empty as far as any reason as to why you’d abruptly ended the field trip or why Daryl had brought him lunch instead of you. He was annoyed by the tight pit in his stomach. His lunch sat untouched still, right where Daryl had pushed it through the slot into his cell.

But it wasn’t Daryl coming in with his dinner. It was you.

Negan had nearly jumped to his feet before he could stop himself. “Hey,” he said, the same novel dangling at his side. You stopped at the bars of his cell.

“Hi,” you greeted him. You looked down at the still full tray just inside the slot and then back up to meet his hazel eyes. “Not hungry today?” you asked, cocking one eyebrow at him.

He shrugged and took a few steps toward you. “Honestly? I was a little worried I wasn’t gonna see you again,” Negan admitted. His tone wasn’t jesting or sarcastic. “After this morning, you know… outside the walls.”

“Mmm,” you hummed, nodding. “I see.”

He laughed a little and shook his head. “There’s that therapist response again.”

“Well, do you want this? Or should I save it for tomorrow,” you asked him, looking down at his still full tray on the floor.

“You can save it. I’ll eat my lunch. Less work for you tomorrow,” he said.

You nodded and set the tray aside on the chair outside his cell for a moment. “I have something else for you,” you said, digging into the bag hanging from your shoulder. Negan watched curiously as you withdrew several books. “I raided the library. I tried to pick some things I thought you’d like but—I realized I have no idea what you’d actually like… So. I guessed,” you said.

You gave him an expectant look and he came to the cell door. You passed each book through the bars to him one by one. Negan was highly aware of your fingers being only inches from his. He could have brushed your hand with his if he’d wanted to.

“Thanks,” he said, new books in hand. “You didn’t have to do that.”

You nodded. “I know.” Your response drew another gruff laugh from him.

“I’ll go put this aside,” you said, collecting the tray again. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Negan.”

He hesitated just a moment, gulping at the lump in his throat. “You don’t need to tell me what happened out there… Of course you don’t. You don’t owe me anything. But right before, you were asking me if I missed it,” Negan said. You’d turned back to look at him again, curious. “Do I miss being the fucking King of the Castle?” He paused and his tongue swept out over his bottom lip. “Yeah. I do,” he admitted. “I miss the freedom. I miss people paying attention to me, listening when I fucking talk, getting me whatever the hell I want… But I don’t miss all the bullshit that came with it and what I had to do to maintain that power.”

There was a strange expression on your face and then you sighed. “I guess that’s something,” you said softly. “See you tomorrow, Negan.”

[waitmyturtles]

Last Twilight, episode 12: final reflections

Wow. It took me all of this past weekend to process this finale, notwithstanding the usual life craziness that has dogged me lately.

Let me preface this whole thing by saying that I'm confused by what I watched. I'd say that, overall -- I actually quite liked this series, and I especially, absolutely ADORED JimmySea, Namtan, and Mark, and their acting. JimmySea kicked major ass, and I really hope they get another big and complicated show to chew on.

I also want to say that between episodes 11 and 12, I felt that I saw uncharacteristic editing clunkiness from Aof Noppharnach and his team that left a lot of necessary emotional and ethical processing on the cutting room floor. I think that's what's ultimately making me feel uneasy about the process of watching this, but -- funnily enough, I'm not nearly as "angry" about the ending as I was with other bad shows that fell apart in their last quarter recently. It was obvious that MhokDay were going to get together.

But I needed to walk a few more steps with them on their journey to that end.

Before I got my eyes on the finale, a few reactions on social media, from Tumblr to Twitter gave me the case of the jibbles. Namely: that the story of Last Twilight would have worked better if Day had stayed blind through the end.

I wasn't really understanding how that construction could work without walking through some sort of ethical minefield.

Now that I've seen the finale -- especially that infamous 4/4 segment -- I understand better what those arguments were saying.

Yet, I'm still dogged by a kind of ethical confusion here. And maybe that was one of the points of this finale, another one of Aof Noppharnach's perhaps now-famous-or-infamous emotionally inconclusive endings.

To me, there are two ethical potholes that this show stumbled on:

1) The ethics WITHIN the fictional piece itself for a character to not depict the process of considering the various fates he might face vis à vis a potentially reversible impairment, and

2) The ethics of a REAL audience ultimately wanting a different outcome for a fictional character to NOT have an impairment reversed.

TL;DR — I don’t think Last Twilight spent enough time having Day consider the permanence or impermanence of the various fates he faced, including permanent blindness. I don’t think the characters, and as such, the audience, spent enough time understanding that a corneal transplant was always going to be Day’s endgame.

Last Twilight was marketed as a show focused on disability, on a man going blind in a society that prioritizes the able-bodied, and how he would adjust to his disability, and of course (this being GMMTV), his falling in love. As fans, we were prepared to receive a whole show about a character with a disability, not as a side pairing, à la Heart and Li Ming in Moonlight Chicken.

It so happened that Day's visual impairment was corneal deterioration -- a condition that could lead to permanent blindness, and thus qualify him for a corneal transplant.

What I'm struggling with is the crux of the ethical dilemma that this show was ALWAYS going to have to deal with: that a corneal impairment of the kind that Day experienced, in the prime of his life, could very well be reversed with surgery, a surgery that has tremendous success rates.

As such -- as we got that clarification in drips throughout the series -- this show was actually not ONLY going to be about the newfound adjustment of a recently-impaired man to an ableist society. It was ALWAYS going to have this door of ANOTHER major change, the reversal of the impairment, just slightly cracked open. I'm not sure that I, as a viewer, was fully prepared for this, even as Night and Mae Mhon spoke about "eye donations" as givens in the middle of the series. I believe the show needed to be much louder, earlier, about the "hope" that Day could "go back" to "living a normal life," instead of framing the high majority of the show around his adjustments to his impairment.

As we went through Day's adjustment to life outside of his room, I believe we needed to hear, FROM DAY HIMSELF, that a corneal transplant was a conclusion that HE believed in, that HE wanted. A failure of this series was that we unfortunately only heard that from his family members, leaving us to only ASSUME that the conclusion of the reversal of his impairment was ALSO Day's intention.

For a story that was very much about an individual's developing agency and self-advocacy: I believe I needed to hear from Day himself that he was good and ready for the final surgery. I only assume that was the case, as I saw his own body and mind in the hospital. But I believe, for dramatic success, that I could have used a basic, "I'm ready," from him, to make segment 4/4 more complete and contextual, against the story of adjustment and resilience we had so far seen before then.

And what a story of adjustment and resilience we had gotten, as Day had established a full career for himself, without Mhok next to him, during one of the time jumps of episode 12.

For my sake, as I process what I watched this weekend, I want to come to grips with what I thought were the major themes of this show, and see if I can come to some sort of sensible conclusion about what happened here.

This show was focused on:

1) the romance between Day and Mhok, 2) Mhok's caretaking and companionship being the lever to help Day out of his room and back into the world from which he had retreated after the onset of his visual impairment, 3) Day slowly learning how to function again in a society that prioritizes the able-bodied vis à vis his visual impairment, 4) Day learning how to self-advocate for himself in the face of those who condescend to him and/or keep him trapped in compassion bias postures,

and more that I'm sure I'm missing, but those are the themes that resonated the most with me.

I think the general feeling on Tumblr is that, save for the romance, that themes 3 and 4 were contradicted out of existence in the face of the sudden flip to the surgery of segment 4/4.

I think not hearing from Day himself that he was ready and willing for the surgery was a lost moment. I don't believe Day was ever acting as if he would choose anything else OTHER than surgery throughout the series. BUT, AT THE SAME TIME: what we had watched prior to 4/4 was his story of adjustment.

My biggest ethical concern here, vis à vis the audience reactions that I've read, is that NO ONE -- in fiction or in real life -- owes me a story of heroism. If there is an individual who has been impaired since birth, or is dealing with a degenerative condition later in their life, and has the opportunity to address or reverse the condition, who am I to say that that individual SHOULD NOT address their condition?

For me, this is huge. I believe this is a huge ethical dilemma that Last Twilight ultimately does not face. I wish this series had been much more centered, earlier on, about the utter REALITY that Day could have his condition reversed by surgery, in words he'd say himself, rather than assumptions made for him, on behalf of his family, who.... I presume were established to be some sort of legal conservators for him, as Mhon continued to be the one to receive eye donation text messages.

(I concede that I don't know if this is a more common set-up for disabled individuals in Thailand, as I would assume in the States, that Day himself would have been the one to receive that message directly.)

For this show to have seemed emotionally and artistically complete: I needed to hear from Day himself that surgery was an endgame that he was banking his hopes on. I also needed to understand, much more statistically clearly vis à vis the show, of the absolute risks that Day faced towards having permanent blindness for the rest of his life. Because the show ALSO needed to focus on the establishment of the romance between Mhok and Day, we missed out on the show taking time to explain to us, the viewers, of the absolute risks that Day faced in any of these scenarios -- and thus, we would have had MUCH more context into the nuances of the resilience that Day needed to establish for himself as he re-adjusted to society, with his numerous fates lying before him.

I'm going to borrow the words of @hallowpen in their final review here, to say that this show at the end needed much more "breathing room." I think @hallowpen is so right in saying it like this, because these two factors that I just laid out, geez -- the first 7/8ths of the series being about Day's social adjustment against the utter suddenness of the successful surgery and his sudden jump back to what's been translated as his "normal life" -- just clash so tonally. (I do wonder if we're getting as nuanced a translation on "normal" as we could be.)

I think this is about the most confused final review of a show that I've written. There is an ethical heaviness to all of this that's weighing on me, that I think I still need time to comb through.

I also feel that I simply do not know enough, by way of my lack of cultural competency into how Thai society approaches issues of public and private health, if Day’s unseen choice to get the surgery would have been a given among majority Thai audiences, AND that majority Thai audiences would not have asked for the kind of internal debates that I think the show could have used.

I feel thrilled that Day can see Poomjai/Mee, after making that wish in episode 11.

But I think, if this show was about a journey for someone to learn how to successfully advocate for his own agency -- that, at the very end, I needed to see that agency exercised, by him, to get to the part of the reversal of the impairment that I assumed he wanted.

Again: Day doesn't owe me his story of heroism. If fiction doesn't want to give me that, from a character with a recent impairment, I don't have the right to ask for it.

But the missing bits of artistry to get me, the viewer, to only an assumption, has led me to surprising ethical places, that will leave me wondering about what happened in this series for a long time.

[gloombeauty]

Read your two reviews of Lana's Coachella show, you are not the only one who thinks thinks Lana's voice is gone. There are brave souls who will express a negative opinion on Lana's own Instagram page. These two did it today. I'm sure they were bullied and attacked after writing that. Lana is a terrible performer. I always said it but at least she use to be able to sing. I think they must be fixing her voice in the studio for her last few albums. She doesn't sound like she use to anymore.

I tried looking for these comments on Lana's Honeymoon account but I don't see it. Either Lana deleted it or they deleted the comments themselves after being bullied/death threatened by a million psychotic Lana stans.

The Lana fan community is a dumpter fire. Between 200 million "mother is mothering" comments, there's 100 million of "she ate" in between them. That is the full vocabulary you'll find in Lana's comments. How refreshing is it when there's a fan who actually has something to say that isn't "mother".

These two fans who wrote these comments on Lana's IG are brave souls. The majority of Lana stans are like the demonic mutant I was just talking about on my other post. If you are not kissing Lana's ass 100% of the time, 24/7 - you are brutally attacked by these types of online Lana fans. Most times, they threaten your life or the life of your children. If you think that's farfetch, look at the Beyhive and Swifty's. They are known to destroy the lives of people who don't worship their idols. Lana stans are the same.

Lana has never been a performer, that's the thing. She's not an entertainer either. She's a singer. And now...she barely sings. She needs the help of background vocal tracks playing loudly in the background of all her concerts. It's actually sad to watch especially when you can remember how she use to sing.

Look at both nights she played at Coachella. Night one she didn't have the background vocals playing and it was a disaster. The second night she had them loud and clear. She miraculously can "sing" again. It's really no different then lip syncing. It is cheating. But sadly, Lana can't sing as she use to. She probably feels more comfortable having her vocals playing loudly in the background 'just in case'. I imagine it's comforting for her to have it.

In case anyone forgot how Lana use to sing, here is a reminder:

As for vaping - I have been saying it for the last 5 years that Lana's voice was decreasing in richness and volume. That she couldn't sing in low tones anymore. That she was damaging her vocal cords from all that vaping. I was called crazy. Am I fucking crazy now?

It might have been funny for some fans watching Lana running around different concert stages, looking for her vape pen. I thought she looked pathetic and sad. It showed everyone just how truly addicted she was to vaping.

Then she would post herself vaping on social media too. It was endless. I'm surprised she can still breathe and doesn't need a lung transplant. Some aren't so lucky.

Once that voice of hers is gone - it's gone. No going back. Not even Tessa Pietro can help her with her spiritual crap.

Again, I been saying this shit for 5 years and her fans would get pissed at me for spewing scientific facts. The amount of people who have died from vaping or needed lungs transplants is insane. Just Google it. It's happened time after time and time after time.

I guess we should be grateful Lana is alive and still literally breathing. I didn't see her vaping or running all over the stage at Coachella looking for her lost vape pen. I was surprised actually. Just as surprised when she lost all that weight. Maybe she quit vaping after losing weight and wants to lead a healthier life?

Anyway, great comments by those two people.

There's also the fact that these Coachella shows were not her best performances. I reviewed it and said it on my own page. I love that The Guardian spoke up too.

The fact that half the audience was gone on both nights before Lana even finished her shows - really spoke volumes. All you have to do is look at the audience video footage taken from the drones. I screen shot it too:

There's also this fact:

The truth is Lana was a weak Headliner. Bless her heart, she tried.

Everyone went for No Doubt and Doja Cat.

[that-ineffable-devil]

I...need some input, guys (gn). Some outside perspective.

My mother's husband is in liver failure. Like "added to the transplant list as an emergency" failure. Considering his track record, I don't know how he's making it on the list, but regardless there are rising medical bills.

Now for some VERY simplified backstory:

The Husband: my mother married this man after I was a full grown adult with a kid of my own and I've spent very little time with him. What time I HAVE spent with him has alternated between genial/amusing to "I blocked his prejudiced ass so he'd leave me alone." I haven't spoken to him in over 5 years and generally can't stand him. But I don't want him to die.

The Mother: I only spent the first 7 or 8 years of my life with my mother, and most of those memories are repressed under a thick haze of trauma. We're talking "even the memories I do have aren't in any chronological order and I can't remember how old I was when they happened" kind of repression. My most vivid memories of my mother that don't include physical trauma are when she'd call me (when I was a kid) in the middle of the night, drunk, to either apologize/explain that she wasn't that bad of a mom or yell at me for being spoiled and abandoning her. She claims not to remember these events.

We've tried a few times in my adult life to reconnect, but it always goes sour quite quickly. When I came out to her as trans, she immediately rejected the idea and started sending me "transition regret" videos from YouTube and calling my grandmother to yell at her for supporting me.

I told her off and she stopped that. Ever since, she's pretended like nothing happened and started sending me funny videos as if to bridge the gap she created decades ago, while I've been pushing further away because, at this point, I don't want her in my life at all. I don't want to put in the effort when I know I'll only end up hurt in the end.

But then her husband got sick. And just like when I was a little kid, I feel obligated to be there for her. To hold her hand and support her because, I guess, I don't hate her. I don't like her. I don't even know if I really love her. But I don't hate her, and I DO hate when people are hurting.

Then yesterday, she messages me out of the blue asking me to create a GoFundMe for her husband's medical bills. I haven't read the whole message because I don't know how I'm going to respond yet, but I'm feeling really gross about it. She makes very little money, I know, and I don't think he's worked the entire time they've been married, and I know he doesn't have insurance. Maybe it's a moot point, because I feel like if my grandmother finds out, she'll pressure me into doing it, too, and I have an even harder time telling her no.

So, I guess, tl;dr: My transphobic and emotionally manipulative parent wants me to create a GoFundMe for her dying husband's medical bills for reasons, and I'm not sure I want to since I'm trying to go no contact, but I feel obligated to help her because the man is dying and she's suffering. What do I do here? Am I a horrible person for even hesitating?

[quietbluejay]

Ahriman Exile Reread 2

First, let's hear from Past Bluejay

thank you for your words of wisdom, past bluejay. Now, onwards with the reread Wait, I forgot to warn, spoilers up to Ahriman: Eternal, not a lot but I do reference a big twist as well as some characters' fates

part 2 time astraeos and his bros are arguing space marine style

yes truly the best way e_e ok so carmenta gave them all bionic eyes to replace the ones that got eaten carmenta continues to be the best "salvation demands loyalty"

because, as terrible as they can be you don't want to see what they will become without the oaths "oaths did not require trust, that was a truth the imperium had taught him" they all know this will end badly but the only other option is to let go of the thing they're clinging to and meanwhile ahriman is crashing after the combat/magic high and is feeling guilty okay straight up suicide ideation see what i mean, he needs to be transplanted into an entirely different universe and put in horse plinko there failing that, i still think a sun lamp and cat would help time for ahriman to spend time with tolbek's rubricae i'm sure this will help cheer him up

yeahhhh

ow that hurts

"they will never be my slaves" thats not gonna last long thidias and kadin (the other two space marines, astraeos' brothers) are still arguing choked voice im fine

;-; ok an aside but i do love the environment French sets up everything is set in an everlasting gloom, all there is is metal and wires (and human flesh) (and frost) it is an existence divorced from the light of the sun and the stars and anything natural Oh yeah so Maroth summoned a daemon into Cadars body (another one of astraeos brothers) Astraeos: I can save him…

Ahriman, having rubric flashbacks: hey that’s hell you’re walking into Time for Ahriman and Carmenta to have a chat about her mind linking with her ship and how dangerous it is Ahriman: I’m not gonna judge you tho I’m not that much of a hypocrite The whole conversation is great, I just don't have anything more to say about it than that!

and we're at trust again Carmenta wanting to trust ahriman time for ahriman to go into his mind palace the only place in this story world with light and natural things

time for ahriman to teach astraeos the deeper magical mysteries man warp juice really is a drug, it's not just ahriman astraeos has the same reaction ahriman: it's all my faullltttt

this, too, is overwhelming pride assuming you are the worst ever and responsible for everything, is just as much pride as assuming you are the best to believe that you are alone the architect of everything it's a terrible defence against the thought that maybe you couldn't have done anything at all ahriman is trapped in the "im the worst/im the best" cycle

it's a hard thing to accept because it means you didn't have the control you thought you did over the situation

gee i wonder what might be a theme like half the cast gets bad feelings abot this the entire psychic part of the cast do they stop? no lol Ahriman answer questions or draw 20 lol this book in a nutshell:

mysterious voice in ahriman's head: you don't need your sword

oh hey the oracle is an old friend used to be a comrade now is like 100 floating eyes ahriman: i have questions menkaura: everyone does ahriman, internally: phew, you know what, my life may suck but at least im not this guy

literally EVERYONE calls ahriman out

to be honest, it's why i was basically done with the series (before the third book even) because it was just the same thing over and over again the supporting cast was what kept me but like, essentially ahriman's character arc is done in book 1 this is what i mean when i say i don't think ahriman can be fixed, i think even if there was irrefutable proof that he'd been puppeted by tzeentch, he would just refuse to see it though he's not quite there yet at this point i think he could probably have been fixed in this book unfortunately this is wh40k and this is his negative character arc "ask yourself what you truly wish to know: the truth, or the lie that forgives you your choices?" man

okay, hear me out how to fix ahriman and save astraeos, carmenta, and astraeos' bros: warp storm causes them to time travel a lot further than intended i kind of want to throw them at a potential blorbo (next book i might be reading) but idk enough about him yet to see if he's actually valid, i have a few ideas for him (it's tax evasion pirate man, the meme the legend, the guy named after one of the best great lakes) okay I'm memeing here but astraeos thinks about ahriman's eyes in order to calm down because he's getting magic headaches man everyone thinks about ahriman's eyes so much

ahriman: so who is hunting me menkaura: lol the list of who isn't is shorter menkaura: so why didn't you let yourself die ahriman: i still allow myself to hope rare mental health W for ahriman unfortunately it's…. note from future bluejay: past bluejay did not finish this thought. I am consumed with curiosity

anyways time for ahriman to actually explain what's going on

so no one told you life was gonna be this wayyy lmaoo his method is to project his memories into their minds man will do literally anything to avoid explaining with his words

oh, ouch, the last thing Magnus said to him before banishing him was "You are the best of my sons, you always were" moment of silence after the memory ends where everyone is trying to mentally process this, ahriman smiles weakly man, he'd be so great in another setting, unfortunately he's here

hope disguised as arrogance ahriman you are KILLING ME with your lack of critical thinking skills and inability to apply lessons you previously learned wails and grabs hair repeated eye motifs specifically removing eyes ….i've connected the dots

groans oh no not again i am deeply tired of human fat burning owo kadin pov

in the end ahriman just jumps from one type of pride to another with no stops in between to learn humility but also i mean it's hard when there are forces (tzeentch) that are actively (tzeentch) poking him into this shape honestly, i am starting to get a bit fed up with him, though it's idw optimus but less rage inducing (because it's better writing lol) and i get that it's part of the point of the setting but there's only so much i can take of this cycle tbh i knew i'd hit this point eventually, it's just making it frustrating at times to read his POV mainly because I know what's coming lol ahriman and kadin think the same thing about astraeos

at least astraeos does get out of the cycle eventually oh boy horror movie time in the dark meanwhile, ahriman summons a daemon with astraeos' help daemon is fun takes the form of his dead brother and then goes through how he died

sassy

rip ahriman, got outplayed ah, tzeentchians so, Amon knew he was going to summon this daemon, so he summoned it first and put a binding on it so it would kill Ahriman when he summoned it thidias dies a hero so he won't become a villain ;-; Carmenta once again saves the day and everyone* *except Thidias and also arguably Kadin who got double possessed

interesting ahriman's experience with the dark mechanicum is that they tend to lose their emotions and humanity vs carmenta who is becoming more emotional the longer she mind melds with her ship more light motifs so, astraeos wants answer about why his brothers died, or worse than died ahriman: i made a mistake astraeos: just one? owo a hint astraeos' chapter gets special darkvision powers now which primarch could be their founder….. next up ahriman: let's steal ourselves a navigator

I return to Ahriman and hey it’s Iobel my beloved This is wild

And also setup for the astraeos thing

And now cut to Astraeos going “this is a bad idea” Note he and Ahriman are now wearing blue armour, this may be relevant if I ever do time travel fic

Really getting Star Wars vibes from this The -hahahaha - the rebel ship going dark and waiting for the imperials to board and investigate so they can retrieve/kidnap someone on board Ahriman has been way out of it enough for the inquisition to pop up and him to have no clue who they are Okay we know Astraeos eyes are green Didn’t expect that

Iobel!

Ahriman once again passes out And gets badly injured Not in that order If I had a nickel for every time Ahriman has passed out in a novel, I’d have…probably at least 50c? Time for time shenanigans

Man everyone gets poetic about ahriman's eyes. I like Silvanus (kidnapped navigator) well enough but I don't have super strong feelings about him.

Who are you and what did you do with Ahriman

...

Yeah. I want to strangle you a bit lol In the end it is his untempered virtues that note from future bluejay: I left this sentence unfinished WHERE WAS I GOING WITH IT??? Meanwhile Carmenta panics

Annnd that’s when she decides to betray Ahriman

Ahriman is Tired Also he’s a bird furry Classic tzeentchian Annnd Amon decides to reward Carmenta by killing her Rip

The repeated theme of either becoming monstrous or dying

Ayyy she’s alive RIP Silvanus for finding her this has not been his day his week, his month or even his year Also I misremembered! Ahriman was not in fact chained to the ceiling naked he gets to wear a tunic So, amon's plan is to kill all the remaining thousand sons with the rubric

To be continued...

[commonguttersnipe]

Smash or Pass: Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life" character edition*

At last, the finale SorP post has arrived! (Now that you've watched the final movie in the Monty Python quadrilogy.)

*(This time though, Smash or Pass the MoL characters but in order of the chapters from the film):

Introduction

Part 1: The Miracle of Birth

The Miracle of Birth Part 2: The Third World

(Bonus chapter that is a deleted scene) The Adventures of Martin Luther

Part 2: Growth and Learning

Part 3: Fighting Each Other

The Middle of the Film

Find the Fish

Part 4: Middle Age

Part 5: Live Organ Transplants

Part 6: The Autumn Years

Part 6 B: The Meaning of Life

Part 7: Death

The End of the Film

Yay! I can finally do this!

The fish- Pass (I’m not fucking a fish, let alone six)

The doctors- Pass (they treat that woman so badly. Brownie points for being progressive towards gender though)

Yorkshire Man- SMASH (there’s a reason he has so many kids…)

Protestant Man- Pass (he’s a twat.)

Teacher- Smash (I’m sorry. I apologise with tears.)

Teacher’s wife- Smash (she’s hot.)

The Officer- Smash (if he’s nice enough to receive gifts, he’s nice enough for me)

Army RSM- Smash (I know something I’d rather be doing than drill practice…)

British Empire Officers- Pass (look, I love a man in uniform. Not too keen on them if they are uptight racists)

Tiger Suit Boys- Smash (I could take them both... Not in a fight)

Middle Of The Film Announcer- Smash (Michael in drag? Yes please!)

Find The Fish- Pass (all three of them are my sleep paralysis demons. They scare me. I never want to see them ever again.)

American Couple- Smash (I’m actually very invested in a dungeon themed restaurant. Get on it, Disney)

Mrs Brown- Smash (I think she’s quite pretty)

Galaxy Song Man- SMASH (sing to me about my insignificance! PLEASE!)

Musician- Smash (sure, he sings about his penis but hey! At least he sings.)

Mr Creosote- Pass (*Vietnam flashbacks*)

Waiter- Smash (I also go on long spiels that end up nowhere.)

Death- Smash (something about his voice, y’know)

Condemned Man- Pass (most sexist way to die, if I may say so)

Dinner Party- Smash (why are they all so hot? Angela, if you’re free on Friday, I'm free on Friday.)

Heaven Singer- Smash (I feel like I'm mainly attracted to the people who sing in this film...)

I did it!!

[user5726816393]

It's been a while since I've posted anything. A full semester has passed and I'm in the middle of finals, capping off my 2nd year of law school.

This blog has kind of served as a port in the storm. A little refuge from the craziness that is my poor mental health and all of the accumulated stress. Well, this past semester has... not been great? It's also not been bad. I told myself I wanted to take it easy, and although a part of me was worried taking it too easy would set me back a few paces instead of properly moving me forward, I think I just felt confident enough in myself where I didn't think it'd be a problem.

Was I stressing out about not getting a Peggy Browning fellowship this year? I guess a little bit. Stressing out about not getting a job until like April? I guess a little bit. About APALSA funds? A little bit. That my new job was gonna can me after a few weeks? A little bit. But in every situation, deep down, I was certain that even if it came to pass as I feared, I would be just fine in the end. Maybe it's a sign that I've grown as a person. Or maybe it's the true apathy that comes with age kicking in.

But nah, in truth, the constant self doubting is probably the lowest it has ever been. What I really wanted to talk about now is... art. It's such a pretentious thing to say, but it feels like a disservice to describe it as anything else. Am I talking about music? Sure. But it's also the movies, books, tv shows, anime, manga, video games. Even porn. It's such a meme-y thing to call porn art, but art really is just any creative expression that evokes an emotional response, and you know what? Some porn is very passionately raw, and engrossing in a manner that I can only describe it as art.

Art and the feelings it evokes is something I'm constantly chasing. The inspiring charge out of Helm's Deep against the insurmountable forces of evil. The bits and pieces falling into place as it dawns on both Lightsong and the readers what his destined purpose truly was. The unease and tension as agent Ford sits across from Ed Kemper, who casually speaks to him about why he believed he turned out to be a serial killer. Nico Robin crying and admitting she wishes to live, the sacrifice of the Band of the Falcon, the story of Joshua Graham, KIDS SEE GHOSTS. All, fucking, art. And all so intensely evocative that the real world at times doesn't even seem like it really matters in comparison.

However, the saying that life imitates art is not quite correct, and I think it'd be a grave mistake to not be keenly aware of the fact that so much of the richness of art is in fact informed by reality. All the horrible things that allow for the rise of heroes and icons of hope, the seemingly hopeless downfalls before redemption, the raw love and passion that burns out too soon. All of it not purely imaginary. No escapes from reality, just a... transplant into its projections. At some point, however, we all need to snap out of it and wake up.

Til next time.

[annikasevenshots]

Star Trek Picard: S2E6 Reaction (spoilers!)

- If that kid says "Maman" one mORE TIME

- no offence, but Laris x Picard is lowkey 🥱

- Borg Queen giving Agnes superstrength... oh man. Oh man

- WHERES SEVEN AND RAFFI WHY ARENT THEY IN THE LINE WITH THE OTHERS

- NO NOT THE BORG QUEEN SAYING "OUR EVENING"

- Y'all know there's only one thing on my mind after hearing her say that

- omg the way she offered her her hand. that's not straight behaviour..,,.

- Is... is Picard catching feelings for the Laris lookalike

- Borg Queen and Agnes,,,,,,,,,,,,,

- New pronouns dropped y'all Agnes (and BQ i guess) goes by we/us now ✨

- BORG QUEEN SAYING AGNES IS IN CONTROL??????? WTF THAT'S THE LAST THING SHE WOULD SAY UMM

- You know what? I'm so proud of Raffi. I really am. Just had to say that.

- Raffi being like "why the fuck are y'all so happy" @ Rios and Seven i love that for her

- RIOS' CIGAR AWWWWW

- I genuinely love Rios and Raffi's rapport so much

- You know what. I love Raffi's rapport with everyone. Her relationships with everyone else is so underrated but she just has such a deep and meaningful bond with everyone on La Sirena maybe even more than Picard

- RAFFI'S LITTLE SMILE WHEN SHE TURNS HER GAZE TO SEVEN

- "it's kinda nice to see her travel light for a while" the way she says that. like she *knows* Seven so deeply. knows how hard it's been for her.

- ngl seeing the spoiler for it ruined it for me a little bc i feel like i would have freaked tf out if i didn't know it was coming but hey. live and learn

- raffi and elnor...

- "She does seem to check her mobile device quite a bit" "We all do that" UM THE CALLOUT

- HOLY FUCK AGNES' VOICE

- IS THAT HER REAL VOICE

- blah blah blah vocal sub-processor designed to facilitate the sonic interface with Borg transponders BUT STILL HOLY COW

- How has Agnes not been thrown out by security already???

- y'all telling me Agnes can have a whole singing bit and we can't get a Saffi dance???

- "kick-arse spikes" Renee bb 🥺

- Picard unleashing his Speech Self... I love him

- Like I know I've been lowkey impatient with Picard himself throughout S2 but his little moment with Renee just shows the best of him and I love that so much

- "Perhaps another time?" ssneeeekyy

- Okay seriously I know they're paired off but WHERE IS SEVEN AND RAFFI

- okay never mind there they are

- "He's had some transplants" "how many" "...all of them" When I tell you Seven and Raffi are a comedic duo 🤡

- smh Windows product placement (derogatory)

- Kore <3

- "My life's work" yeah if you're gonna treat your projects like your daughters maybe don't objectify them????

- SEVEN STANDING NEXT TO RAFFI. WHEN I TELL Y'ALL LITERAL CRUMBS

- Seven following Raffi into Picard's room... yeah yeah I know that's how they were standing but SAFFI CRUMBS SAFFI CRUMBS

- Like seriously I know we joke about not getting Saffi content but this is the genuinely the least Saffi has existed this season and that makes me Sad

- Fuck it *Googles your Dad*

- All these Greek names for the kids... Man

- Sometimes I forget they filmed this in COVID and then I see that doctor's room scene where everyone is so obviously 6 feet apart

- Raffi is exactly how I think ngl like everyone do be enjoying this timeline a lil' too much for me

- RAFFI LOOKING TO SEVEN FOR REASSURANCE. GOODBYE.

- THE EPISODE IS OVER ALREADY??????

In conclusion, had astronomical (no pun intended) Saffi hopes for this episode, didn't even get an eye fuck. I want a refund

Other than that. Loved BQ and Agnes as always. Loved Picard and Renee. not too sure about the Rios x Teresa plot but hey i'm just along for the ride

[yvesdot]

No Longer Canon Tag

Tagged by @ghost-town-story; thank you! Filling this out for THE ONE AND ONLY UNIVERSE OF KAY RAINIER because quite a bit has changed, and a lot is... no longer canon =^_^=. Reminder of the blurb:

Atlas, a he/him-using, dimension-traveling woman-loving-woman, is on his final job-- protecting the Rainier family from the people who would like to kill them. But nobody told him that they'd dress like it's the 1860s; or that his new employer's daughter, Kay Rainier, would be so... attractive. And frosty. Atlas needs this job to work out. So why is he so easily lured into bed with Kay? And why does it hurt to think of leaving?

(Book One ends with Atlas going home; Book Two opens with Atlas waking up in his dimension.)

I originally spelled Kay's name Cay. Not sure why now; possibly because her legal name is spelled with a C and it would have made 'more' sense for that reason. Kay is more gender-neutral, though, and felt like a realer name (Kay Thompson!) so I stuck with that. I still jump when I see the name "Cay" in early drafts.

Book One was going to start with Atlas going home, then rewinding all the way back to the beginning. No idea why I thought this one was a good idea.

Atlas had a really terrible tattoo-- he added little icons to it when interesting things happened to him. Looking back, the way I thought of it is not at all how tattoos work, and I'm happier with my idea now (that Atlas gets a sleeve tattoo in Book Two). A tattoo can be a big change in a person's life, and a Book Two is all about changing.

Patrons know Atlas immediately gets the hots for a new girl in his home world in Book Two. She was originally adopted because I wanted to have her be kind of detached from anything else, but this required far more backstory and character building and explanations of things, and one day I thought to myself, "oh, I wish I could [X]" and realized I could X, and so I killed the adoption idea and the lack of X with one stone. Sorry, spoilers.

Kay and Atlas find a necklace of Julia's in the attic. Because Kay wears it later, I decided to remove the letter standing for Julia's first name in it-- which wasn't an English J. Both reveals (language and name) still exist in the story, but now the necklace is simpler and makes more sense for Kay to wear, the way she initially wears her mother's cameo locket.

I don't know why I thought the necklace scene should come after the Out Alive chapter (for those who don't know: substantial harm injury pain and suffering) and before the Kay's Sleep Problems sequence, but I moved it to a place where it made sense. The reveal is important, and it affects Atlas, but Kay will be too rattled by it to handle the situation as properly as she usually does, and it will lead to total chaos. My favorite.

And, finally, this won't come up in either book, but for my own gratification I logick'd that if people can travel dimensions, then Kay can get pregnant if she wants to. We actually already have uterus transplants for cis women, so if Atlas has all the money in the world, why not buy his girlfriend a baby? Furthermore, why can't it be genetically related to him? Of course, the answer Atlas would give is that he does not want to get married or have children or undertake so much responsibility as to grow a plant, but ultimately Atlas proves all of his feelings to be circumstantial and open to discussion. Especially with Kay.

(Which is why it's sad to see him changing without her-- for so long all of his development has been about Kay Rainier, and now [in Book Two] it's not, or at least not directly. It's about her in the sense that it's about his idea of her, but his idea of her isn't who she is. She has no control over how he sees her. They spend so much time growing together, like two trees planted side by side, and then all of a sudden Atlas is flowering into all of the spaces that Kay used to take up. Or perhaps that space is taken by the derogatorily named mysterygf...)

I could write SO MUCH MORE about this, but I allotted a distinct amount of time to it and I must move on to editing Lend a Hand, Or a Knife (Patrons, get excited!). See you next tag ^__^

Tagging: @fluoresensitive (for On Sundays) @goose-books (for Duodecimal) @asablehart (for any of your stories I can make comparisons on ^__^) and anyone else who wants to do it!

ko-fi | Patreon | all writing | book

[insertmeaningfulusername]

13, 14, 49 and 83 for the asks? :)

Thank you for the ask frend 🥺🥺🥺

Do you believe in reincarnation?

Yesn't. Idk I'm agnostic so like, I really believe that what happens after our death could go either way. Maybe that means our energy simply returns into the overall cycle of world energy (y'know conservation of energy and all that, our brains don't run on nothing), or maybe we actually somehow get transplanted into another body. Actually I prefer the idea of human-to-human incarnation to the animal-to-human or human-to-animal version skafjdfksjkljz and there might be people out there who aren't living their first life rn, but it certainly doesn't happen to everyone.

Would you want to be reincarnated?

Oof not sure. Like, yes, if it's possible to get reincarnated backwards in time 😂 My dream of hiring as a deckhand on the Beagle still isn't quite dead yet. Otherwise probably not.

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others?

No? 👀 Like of course I have expectations of myself and my disappointment is scalding when I don't meet them, but in the end shit like that happens to everybody. Others shouldn't have to punish themselves for their mistakes, so I guess I shouldn't, either.

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it?

Yes! Sign me the fuck up! Like I'd miss Earth like hell but also sooner or later we die anyways, so leaving a bit early doesn't make that much of a difference. And then there's the excitement of space travel, of walking a whole new planet, of building something with your own hands instead of just sitting on my ass all day. Also, one less mouth to feed on Earth. The only regret I'd have is leaving my friends behind, and also a big part of my hobbies (Could I post fanfiction from Mars? Maybe 🤔 the fics would just take a few minutes to send afkjskdjafkdz). Anyway, science fiction is one of my big loves so of course I'd accept immediately if I was offered this opportunity - which will never happen considering I can't even complete a push-up.

[fitzpirations]

some images from recent reads, I suppose. I read Octavia E. Butler's Kindred and Art Spiegelman's Maus books in rapid succession. Unfortunately I didn't include any of my own snapshots of this experience- I was truly too engrossed- but I've discovered in an interesting turn of events that Kindred has been adapted into a graphic novel, which felt fitting, so I've included a picture of that. Also this strange little dog and dialogue from a record I'm selling. It's almost like I work at a record store, except I interact with no one and cannot play the records myself.

But on to my thoughts on the books, of which I have many. I should say that I didn't intended to pair them together, rather I wanted to read Kindred and it was available to me at that time, and I wanted to read at least one graphic novel this year to try it out, and Maus seemed to be the perfect story to try it with. And boy. Maus. But really, the stories sort of pair well together- Butler's Dana even compares her experiences being transplanted to a plantation as that of a Jew during the Holocaust- she mentions both as unimaginable struggle and labor, if I'm recalling correctly.

I've also included a snap of Spiegelman's Prisoner on the Hell Planet, which was reproduced in full in Maus. I suppose I enjoyed its introduction as a way to tell the reader more about Art, while also shifting the artistic style for a moment. There is so much of the story we're getting in very specific parts- and later I would find that Anja and Vladek, Art's parents, were called so in the book to be easier for readers to understand, and that their own names were slightly different/less anglicized.

To say the greatest tragedy in the books was Anja's lack of a voice would be painfully incorrect, and I'm sure quite rude. The relentless horror Art's parents, and therapist, and step-mother, and those living around his father on vacation and all the friends his father lost, that horror was constant, described to Art by his therapist as BOO! or AH! but at all times. Always on edge. Dana's experience was like this also, and neither character knows when they are at risk of speaking out of term, always they have to be tactful and cunning to survive another day.

Obviously, Dana's situation is different, and she's living a fictional life. Her struggles were real, but they have slightly less authority, given they are also an imagined approximation. So much of both stories is trying to imagine the unimaginable, Art writes

-I have to interject here and admit I cannot find the quote. I have already returned the books to the library, you see. But Art explains, somewhere, that it is impossible to imagine, in better words. There was another quote from his mother, I think, at the start of book 2 that I should have written down, where she speaks on surviving, of living. I can't seem to find it online either, but I will undoubtedly return to the books later in my life. -

Both Butler and Spiegelman must imagine horrific things, they must try to piece together a story and to tell one for those who died and can't share theirs.

Anja's diaries being introduced, but later being revealed to have been destroyed is something that feels richly symbolic for both stories. The Weylin house is not still standing at Kindred's end, and so much of Vladek's life- his house, his friends, his family and neighbors, his neighborhood, his country, his place of work, his family heirlooms, his own son- all of these things are gone. The story of the past is difficult to tell because so often proof of it can be challenged, erased. Our authors are faced with the task of imagine, of walking in the skin of those who have suffered before them, and of creating a story. there is, in both books, no reason for suffering. It just is. I kept waiting for more mention of the horror of Kindred, more questioning, more why? But very early on our narrator Dana stops asking, because there is no reason good enough. It is the same in Maus- if not more so, there is no use acknowledging the why. There would never be a why good enough.

But back to Prisoner on the Hell Planet- for just a second. We get to see a side of Art much more interior, not built on worry or in conflict with his father, but more so in conflict with himself, imprisoned in his mind, recently returned from a psychiatric hospital, recently losing his mother to an unexplained suicide. We get his story through Maus the same way we get his father's, his mother's, and even his wife's. Some. We can't imagine so much of any of their own stories, but I love the placement of Prisoner because it shows so much interiority, and a sort of unfolding narrative that occurs outside Vladek's story. Here is a child who struggled with the weight of his family's guilt, who struggled with their continuous life and eventual deaths. Vladek tells Anja "To die, it's easy. But you have to struggle for life!" and we get glimpses of Art's struggle; his struggle to comprehend his parents' struggles, his struggle to connect with his father and make him proud, his struggle to be the "perfect son" his "ghost brother" Richieu was destined to be.... there's so much there, as there is in Kindred, things that are not mentioned, things that could be stories of their own. And this I love. It keeps going, struggling, surviving, clawing and pushing. It is like this way for everyone, really, and to see it laid out in such specific but hidden terms in both stories really fascinates me.

Both books get an infinite 5/5 from me, and they do what all great books do, they make me think, and question, and cry, and laugh. The style of both is striking, and the voices so distinct. It is an art in of itself to be able to hear characters through word choice, and in both Kindred and Maus I could hear them so clearly- hear Vladek's gentle manner towards his son, always happy to tell him more "darling," hear the whispers in the ghetto and in Auschwitz, hear the inhuman screams of those whipped in Kindred, hear Sarah's voice and Luke's voice and Nigel's and Rufus's, their drawl and their word choice so specific- hear the Eastern European accents of Mala and Vladek and even Francoise's own specific voice, it was an incredible and immersive experience.

There is so much to remember, always, the start of my next Kathy Reich's book reads nous nous souvenons. We remember.

[yezzbub]

Idk what this is supposed to be, but I guess this is close to my own character analysis, review and reaction to Between Two Worlds! This is so late but I believe that it's better late than never😂 I'll also try to be as objective as possible (but I think that's gonna be hard especially when I talk about Philip/Phillip😂)

Again this is only about what I think and how I interpreted the series and the characters, no hate lol AND this is really long I swear by the stars :>

A. Title

Okay, so the title 'Between Two Worlds' initially made me think that it's gonna be about two people living in two different worlds and upon watching, I could say I'm partially right😂 so I like how it's suppose to symbolise the lives of two different families living in two different worlds. And when I say worlds it's not literally Earth and Mars, what I meant is like worlds as in how they live their lives.

So the Walfords are in the upper-class of society, they are rich, powerful, famous and feared especially because of their patriarch, Phillip. Their lives include deceiting, scaring, and messing with the lives of other people for their gain and pleasure🥺🥺🥺 in short, this fam is really problematic and chaotic😅

On the other hand, the Greys live a simple life in a simple house in a simple village. They have a loving family, yes, they had problems but it's normal for a family to have some problems.

B. Music

I really really love the music. That piano (I think it's piano) thing that is playing in the opening of every episode gives me the chills, the goosebumps. It makes me feel so many emotions like excitement, fear, and thrill,like it leaves me on the edge of my seat😂😭😂

C. Settings/Location

Deym, the location fits the story. I noticed that the main locations are their homes, it's where they mostly spend their scenes so I'm gonna focus on that. That high-rise apartment where the Walfords live screams privilege, fame, power and wealth. They are indeed powerful, they are at the top of the food-chain lol and they live at the top part of that apartment, a symbolism of their place in society _which is at the top. _I'm pretty sure their place makes them act like how they act all through out the series🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️.

On the other hand, the Greys' residence is located in a village(?) or subdivision of some sorts which I think is a simple place and a simple house symbolising their simple life that is away from the drama, away from the spotlight. Simple life gives simple problems I suppose😂😭😂😭😂

D. Families: an overview lolzz (Walfords, Greys, Konigs)

So like I've mentioned, the first two families seem to be the exact opposite of one another. Again, for me, the Walfords are so chaotic and so problematic🥺 the actions they did to one another just don't sit right with me, I think it's so twisted. Like it makes me realize how the grudges that people hold against others could make them act like that. It baffles me so much how they could even do that to each other?😳🥺 Are you so so hurt and so mad that you'll let your husband die in front of you and that you would just sit and chill on the stairs while he's suffering? And are you so hurt and so angry with your wife that you would imprison her in a cage so you could get back at her🥺 these people needs to chill and I think they need to let go of their grudges🥺😭🥺😭

For the Greys, well what can I say...they are pretty much normal, like they are how a family should be, what I could call the ideal. Again, they had problems but that problems were addressed and somehow solved🥺 I just like how the matriarch seems to be a perfect mother with a perfect relationship with her kids and the people around her but she's really like everyone else. She made mistakes and she wasn't even aware of the impact of her actions/words to her kids until her daughter mentioned it 🥺 but what I admire the most about her is that she's willing to take responsibility for her actions and to make amends(which I think the Walfords lack hehe)

Lastly, the Konigs. One word to summarize my thoughts about them: ugh. As much as how the Walfords have made a really bad impression on me, I think that these Konigs are worse than them lmao😂😭😂 this fam consists of the dad who is an unfaithful son of a gun who screwed the Walford matriarch and his hoho own daughter. The mom has some mental illness I'm not really sure about the specific illness which made her go to rehabs and kindaaaa drug dependent, and lastly, the daughter, she is a sly and a bad bitch with bad motives connected to bad people. I feel bad for the Konig youngling tho🥺 she's a bitch but I think no one deserves to be treated like how she was treated by her own father...that's a real disgusting act🥺😭🥺 so yeah, ugh.

E. Characters

Imma focus on them 👆 bec why not

1. Phillip Walford 👀👀

My babe, He is the Walford patriarch, he is a rich bastard who heads the Walford empire or whatever, who also suffers from a heart condition that he eventually needed to undergo a heart transplant. He's vicious and cruel and he's an I don't give a shit about your feelings kind of bastard. A man who probably suffered a lot from the trauma he had from his childhood oh poor bub😭😭 I also have every reason to hate him but I don't because I feel bad for him and his face and emotions,, it just makes me wanna hug him lol😂😭😭

He's like "I'm actually a nice guy but don't fuck with me" kind of man. He's also nosy and he sticks his nose to other people's businesses (Bella's plastic surgery) but I think he hates it when other people stick their noses in his business😂😂I love his sassy remarks and his nonchalant attitude especially towards his wife. He has reasonsss, he does that to punish her for something she had done years years ago that was something hehe quite unforgivable but hoho I could feel it and I could see it...I could feel that he is a jealous man who is in dire need of love and affection. That maybe he's actually still craving for her love and affection...but too bad, years of hostility towards each other had slowly burnt away the love they actually have for each other🥺

I like how he felt so bothered after the heart transplant because he felt that he's changing, he's getting softer, and getting more humane which he doesn't like because he thinks that his enemies would exploit that weakness against him🙄 I like how the badness and viciousness is so engraved to his bones and soul that the mere softness he's suddenly showing to those who surrounds him scares him a lot like a lot...

I also think that he really wants to forgive his wife,,,,but maybe his stubborn pride is hindering him from completely forgiving her...I also think that the reason he went out of his way to find his donor is, make a foundation for Danny, and like he really wanted to meet the Greys is because he somehow sees his ideal family when looking at them,,,it's like his what if, and a _I wish _and I think that's sad🥺😭🥺😭

This baby would have his world torn apart if he knew what his wife schemed on him

2.Cate Walford

She's Phillip's wife. I feel sorry for her especially for the first few episodes because her husband does not show her affection and love,,,he doesn't give her his time,,, he's giving her a hard time,,,and when she thought another man is giving her what she craves for,,,,her husband drove this man to his death or so they all thought lolzz I also like how she is actually a caring person, friend, mom, and wife👀👀

I know she did something unforgivable, she watched her husband have a heart attack, BUT she was initially really worried, she panicked like "Oh no, my husband is having a heart attack. What do I do?" Then she remembered that Phillip drove someone to their own death so she went ".....maybe you deserve to die, monster, how does it feel like tasting your own medicine you gave to others??" I don't forgive her for that tho hehe but that gave me a glimpse to what kind of person she really is.

Also, she's a very lucky woman and I'm veryyyy jealous because she has Phillip, a business tycoon and very jelly husband and eventually Dr. Julian, a well-known cardiologist, as her number two👀👀 I like her tandem with Sandra and I just went 🥺😭 when she opened up to her, like a girl talk of some sorts, it must have been so hard for her to keep all her thoughts and her regrets only to herself for a very long time. She's also pretty clever in a sly way because she schemed a plan against her husband to bring him back. Like bring her old husband back, the loving and caring Phillip Walford👀👀 she's determined to have their love back🥺🥺 BUT I JUST KNOW HELL WOULD BREAK LOSE IF AND WHEN PHILLIP FINDS OUT HER SCHEME HOHO

3. Bart Walford

He's the Walford heir and he's handsome but not as handsome as Phillip lol👀👀👀 he's wise and at the same time dumb🤭🙄 Wise because it would probably take some skills and some brains to appease investors to invest in their company and he did that when Phillip wasn't around. Dumb because he fell in love with a bitch with bad motives and he can't see it!!! 😔😔He loves her so much, he's basically blind ugh🥺🥺🥺

But I do admire how he's so ready to face and fight the whole world for Georgia,,, he'll do everything for her,,,he tries so hard to understand everything about her,,,his world seems to revolve around her and I think that's sooo bad😔👀👀 I mean I don't think that you really should make a person your world because if that person betrays and leaves you, your whole world will crumble apart and you're basically fucked🥺😭

As a 'son' , well,,,,he's a pretty nice who helps his 'father' scheme something to bring down threats for their business🤭👀 I like how defiant and fearless he could get when he got fed up with Phillip😂😭😂😭 I also like his relationship with his mom, they're closer than I initially thought and that he even helped her against Phillip🤭👀 so I therefore conclude that badness is not really innate in a person lolol😂😭😂😭

4. Georgia Konig

Ohoho,,, one word to describe her: bitch🙄 she's so good at manipulating people around her to get and do what she wants. She appeals to the emotions of people around her, making them feel sorry for her. I hate her so much. On top of that, she killed her own father,,, I wouldn't really blame her, he's really disgusting...

She wants to get a part of the Walfords' riches so she paved her way in through Bart. I just hate her so much because she's taking advantage of his feelings towards her🙄 little baby doesn't deserve to be treated like that, little baby deserves to be loved for real

To be honest,,, I don't really think she really loves him. I'm pretty sure that she feels something towards Bart but it's not real love, maybe she does like him a lot but she doesn't really really love him. She's just sticking with Bart because of his inheritance because she wants to have some of it and since she knows he's really into her...well,she took advantage of him🙄😭

I like her dry remarks tho, maybe it's just me but she makes me snort and chuckle sometimes. I also like her voice cause I think it's beautiful and really seductive, and really suitable for her character. She plays crazy pretty well for me too👀👀

5. Sandra

Oh, one of my favorite characters! Deym, she is so precious and I love her so much! She is a nurse that worked for the Walfords for a few months. She is bubbly, nice, loving, caring, and fearless. She puts the arrogant and stubborn ass of his boss in place which I love the most! She's not afraid to talk back to Phillip lol😂😭😂😭 she even called him an over privileged white man with anger issues when he's too stubborn while she's caring for him,,, that line was gold😭✊

Behind her smiles and witty remarks, she's actually going through something very hard in her life. Her son got disabled after getting involved in a skateboarding accident, her husband left them because of guilt, and since then she's been taking care of him🥺 which makes the working for the Walfords situation a saving grace for them.

Together with Cate, they schemed something against Phillip. They made him think that he has Danny's heart. She doesn't really want to fool the old man but because she was promised a fortune,,, for her son,,, even if the means weren't good,,, she said yes. It just shows her big respect and big trust on Cate, but I think, however close they are,,, fooling people isn't just in her moral compass so she'd probably get guilty about it😔

6. Sophia Grey

First off,, I think she's a great mom. I like how she really exerted effort to make the right things even if it costs her a lot. However,,apparently she has a trait which makes her act like everything is about her when it's actually not BUT atleast she could swallow her pride and she would actually try to make things right, which I think, deserves an applause👏👏 I mean that's rare for a parent to admit they're wrong👀👀

She's a loving mom, wife, and friend. She's not perfect but she makes effort on making herself a better person which I think the other characters lack lmaoooo😂😭😂😭I like how her love for her children is so big, and she's pretty much a normal mom. She is supportive of her children's shenanigans and all she wants is to see her children happy🥺

If she found out that she got lied to, I think she'll lose her respect for the Walfords👀👀

7. Danny Grey

We only got to see so little about him but here's what I think: he's handsome lol,,, he's athletic of course, a loving son, a loving fiance possibly a real husband material, and a PASSIONATE man! I mean the love he has for his family, his fiance, and his sport is just so great🥺🥺

It's sad how we only got to see so lil about him since his death is the drive of the plot, so okay,,,

8. Bella Grey

Oh, babyyy🥺🥺🥺 she's Danny's sister who's a very veryyyy talented girl! She plays the piano, she's musically inclined, she's pretty, soft, precious, and lovely! I'm gonna fight anyone who says otherwise😤

She felt as if she's only a shadow of his probably popular brother which makes her feel invisible. She thinks she's plain and that she's just sooo thankful that she's talented or else she's just nothing🥺😭🥺😭 I think it's sad how she resorted to plastic surgery to make herself seen and noticed. It's sad how she thought that changing herself would make her seen which made her think that she is the problem but babyyy nooo!! 🥺😭🥺😭

I love her relationship with her mum! They're like bestfriends and it's so lovelyyy🥺💖I love how she has strong intuition noticing and feeling the Walford's patriarch's seemingly uncharacteristic approaches on them👀👀 so yeah, I love her🥺💖

9. Dr. Julian Lee

He's the hot cardiologist of Mr. Walford and Mrs. Walford's number 2 lol😂 he's a well-known doctor so he probably have the skillz and the brains no wonder Cate fell for him. So, he's pretty much a good guy despite having an affair with a married woman because in my eyes he seems to treat her better🥺🥺🥺

I like how he banters with Phillip and their exchange of spicy words are gold👌I see how hurt he was when Cate decided to break up with him because it seems to get better with her husband BUT HE LET HER GO OMG,,, maybe he truly loves her?? Because he just wanted her to be happy?? I really would have wanted to see more of him🥺😔

10. David Starke

He's the coach and he's a widower who fell in love with Sophia Grey. Hmmm,,, he's pretty hot too lmaooo... He's a giant! He's also kind of a low-key asshole,,,

He was pretty okay during the first few episodes, he's always there to give support to the Greys, maybe because he's really a nice guy or maybe it's because he loves Sophia and he sees her as his wife 👀👀 I just kinda hated him when he started being a dick to Bella's friend who was just joking! He said something like he doesn't like his humor and that that kind of humor is the last resort of being likeable if the person is not actually attractive and I was like whut bruh??? WhAt?🥴🥴

I'd love to see how his relationship with Sophia would continue especially that he was initially jealous of Phillip bec he was tooooo close to her (David doesn't know the reason why) and it was hinted in that godforsaken ending that they learned about the lie,, I would have wanted to see how he would react and how he would confront the Walford patriarch about it😔

11. Mikael

So he's the bearded buff diver guy. He was an ex military (?) and is now a mercenary. He's close to Georgia, I'm not just sure if it's just because of her money or something else. So he's pretty much a fucked up guy. He's clever, he's strong, he's hot, he's handsome, he's scary, and he's probably crazy too.

He does anything and everything, as long as you will pay him his price. He's also the type of guy who you should be afraid of getting on his bad side because he will make sure he would get back at you.

12. Bishop Welles

One of my most hated character, he's an enabler and I hate him😤 he's that calm old bishop who threw shade to Phillip Walford, a well-known business tycoon, during his friend's funeral. Like,,, he's saying that Phillip must have done something driving the death of his friend, Mr. Konig. Making Phillip withdrew all donations to that church lol

He also never believed Georgia's testimonies that she was being raped by her own father and even called her father to get her. He made her life worse.

F. Plot

To be honest, I liked the plot... I love how it started with having glimpses of how these families live their different lives away from each other. I like how the main motif of this series is revenge, greediness, and how family relationship differs,,, I really love how the plot is so new to me that it hooked me up into watching the whole thing making me look forward into it for every week. I remember doing the math so I could watch it live, having a mini heart attack when my Internet was being nuts lagging at the pivoting moments of the show, and squealing every time Philip goes to view lmaooo😂😭😂😭

I honestly like the twists and all, I really liked how the story went until that fucking ending.

8 eps in and I was like 😳 "gosh, there are so many happenings how would everything be resolved for the last two episodes??" and "there are more bombs to be dropped yet hcndkaodns." Then the writer went "haha, nonsense plot twists and cliff hangers go brr" and he basically ruined a good show I HATE IT SO MUCH. Maybe IF they're gonna renew the series and will have a season 2 where everything would be actually resolved like how a decent plot happens, then okay, I'll forgive you, Mr writer. But leaving us, the viewers, hanging like that after that wtf kind of ending is just too cruel and just too selfish 😔✊ I even recommended this show to my friends and they're pretty fine with it and like me, they think the plot is cool up until that stupid ending...

It was a real roller-coaster ride of emotions, I love how it made me feel. The constant 'oh my god, I love where this show is going' and 'this is so good' made me feel so happy except that ending...It was actually my stress-reliever although the plot is sooo stressful to the nth power lol

Will I recommend it to other people?? Well,,,, sureee why not?! I mean if I want them to know why I'm simping over a 60 year old big man, oh why not🤭🤭 For the story?? For revenge maybe? I want them to feel robbed off a good ending and I want them to hate the ending too as much as I hate it lolololll kidding aside, welp, yeah, I'd still recommend it to make them feel the roller coaster of emotions I also felt🤭👀👀

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Amelia

Jac: So, you got your room 🙌 What other wins did freshers bring you? 😄 Amelia: Yeah, thank god Amelia: it's been full on enough without adding travel sickness Jac: Never going to fly when class starts either Jac: it's just slightly more inventive than coming down with the 'flu' every Monday morning, but not enough Amelia: bit intense to start crashing on my new friends floors too, I don't want to be THAT gay Jac: 😂 Jac: I doubt they'd mind Jac: but having a base that isn't totally covered in crochet decor is a plus Amelia: now that freshers is over and they're going to 🤞 they never see those hook ups again maybe Amelia: still, not the first impression I'm trying to make Jac: Oh God, tell me about it Jac: I am not trying to have people I've got to avoid for the next 7 odd years Jac: not trying to make it like home like that Amelia: very relatable Amelia: even though I have no need to count that high Jac: Is your course 3? or 4? Amelia: depends if I want to go to Canada, Denmark, Italy, Poland, Sweden, USA or the UK for a year Jac: Oh wow Jac: 🦪 Amelia: that emoji is the gayest Amelia: so yeah probably Jac: Very O'Keefe of you Jac: can't give up the 🎨 quite yet? Amelia: 😂 Jac: I've met THE perfect girl for you, oh my GOD Amelia: because I'm going to travel to Edinburgh for 🦪 after dodging a 3 hour commute Jac: She's American, you could convince her Cork has a lot to offer beside 🦪 Jac: but actually, she is UNBEARABLE, and I'm trying very hard to be nice and give everyone a chance rn Jac: she does Art History, despite the fact she seems to know less about art than I do Jac: doesn't stop her 🔊 Amelia: 💔 you put your mean girl years behind you too soon, I'm SO proud though Amelia: and I'm sure Savannah appreciates it just as much Jac: 😏 I can feel the sincerity Jac: I know though, talk about completely crazy Amelia: if you want sincerity I can totally believe she'd follow you there as if nothing happened Amelia: are you okay? Jac: I think the prestige probably beat the off-chance I'd also be there but I appreciate the belief Jac: Yeah, actually, I am Jac: it went well, better than I could've or would've imagined before Amelia: alright, that's a relief Amelia: not that it's been playing on my mind or anything since the ✨ livened up my feed Jac: I would've got in touch sooner Jac: It did cross my mind, that you'd see Jac: I also didn't wanna encroach on your freshers' experience at all, that idea won out Jac: It must've been a shock for you and all Amelia: I get it, because likewise obviously Amelia: plus you seemed like you were coping, and it's not the same as before, you have people to go to now if you aren't so Amelia: I don't know, it seemed too dramatic to come at you all !!!!!! Amelia: which is why I didn't Jac: I wouldn't have bitten your head off Jac: but I see and appreciate that logic Jac: not to mention previous experience would say I actually would so Jac: She's changed a lot too, in those 2 years Amelia: good Jac: Yeah, turns out she had a pretty rough time of it too Jac: which, obviously, but I wasn't really in a space to think too much about that back then Amelia: was likely to be more 🥀 than 🌹 living with her dad, and everything that happened with her mum Amelia: I'm not surprised even if I couldn't be very sympathetic then Jac: I can't believe I was zoned out Jac: I didn't even know about her mum Amelia: you had loads of your own shit going on, it'd be more unbelievable if you were tuned into hers Amelia: I didn't know how bad it was, or didn't want to hear it, whichever Jac: Jess made it sound like the world and his wife knew Jac: I feel awful Jac: but her mum is doing better now, and they're trying to mend their relationship, so, that's positive Amelia: it always feels like that in my 🏠 but I would've told you if I'd realised Jac: It isn't your fault remotely Jac: like you said, sympathy about it wasn't at the forefront of your mind Jac: and you can't be blamed there Amelia: I'm genuinely glad things are getting better, the last thing she needs is to feel like shit for leaving her mum again if they aren't Jac: I know you are, you aren't a monster Jac: even if you and Savannah had your differences, and the obvious situation from there 'til now Amelia: that's enough sincerity though, the last thing I need is Savannah Moore trying to be my friend again Amelia: you can keep her Jac: 😂 Alright Jac: about that though Jac: things have changed, between us too Amelia: okay Amelia: what does that mean? Jac: Well, I told her, this time Jac: that I'm not straight Jac: and neither is she Amelia: she really has fucking changed Jac: She hasn't also come out, there's no label on it or anything Jac: but she likes me back Jac: you deserve to know, and would, regardless of where we were in our relationship Jac: I'm sorry if it's not what you want to hear though Amelia: thanks, I guess Amelia: for not waiting for the 💍 announcement Jac: Things haven't moved quite that fast Jac: although, yeah Jac: I know Amelia: It's still Savannah, I doubt she's had a TOTAL personality transplant Amelia: you probably wouldn't like her if she had Amelia: so I'll keep an eye out for that post and put my congrats on it Jac: No, she's still her Jac: and I doubt her plans include a 💍 that could be bought on a student budget Amelia: true Amelia: I'll send some 💐 she'd NEVER put in the 🗑 Amelia: just the 💌 I'll actually bother to write, you know, like a normal person Jac: There goes the mystery Amelia: because of course you wouldn't recognise my handwriting Jac: I've checked your homework over enough times Jac: I doubt anyone else is rushing to send us a bouquet so Jac: process of elimination Amelia: there you go then Jac: but I have told my brother and that Jac: on the off-chance you catch him and he's dying not to bring it up Amelia: bit rude of him not to try and gently break the news Jac: Assumedly either thinking I've imagined the whole thing all over, or it'll all fizzle out before there's any need to go there Amelia: or I'm thriving so hard there's no need to bring me down 1 week in Jac: Obviously that too Jac: but you know that wasn't my intention, yeah Amelia: it's obvious you're not thinking about me, don't worry Jac: Okay Jac: do you want me to leave you now? Amelia: Why would I want that? Jac: Plenty of valid reasons Jac: to process, to not, you just don't feel like talking to me at this precise moment Amelia: what's to process? the bit about her not queerbaiting you the entire time is new, the rest isn't Jac: That's not nothing Jac: it changes the whole thing Amelia: not for me Jac: Alright then Amelia: you were hung up on her every second, what's changed for you is that was a least a bit mutual Amelia: I don't need to process any of that, it doesn't involve me Jac: It's still new information, that's all Amelia: not really Amelia: I probably should have guessed anyway Jac: If I didn't, I don't see how you could've Jac: she didn't even then so Amelia: too late to become a 🔮💎💫 gay, I hear you Jac: 🕵 is definitely a better idea Amelia: maybe I'd just really love to be able to say 'it's just a phase, mum' about something Jac: You've had plenty Amelia: name one Jac: [that boy band I said they liked lol] Jac: for starters Amelia: that wasn't a phase that was me lying that I cared Jac: yeah, okay Jac: you knew all the lyrics 'cos you cover was so deep Jac: no need to lie, they had some tunes Amelia: I knew all the lyrics because there was about 5 lines repeated over and over Jac: uh-huh Jac: you had badges all over your school bag Amelia: because you've never fully committed to a lie, oh wait Jac: There's no need to be a bitch Amelia: 😂 Jac: No, I'm not super ready to laugh about that time in my life, as it goes Amelia: okay Jac: I'm going to leave you to it now Jac: Good luck with your first proper day, hope it all goes well Amelia: actually wait though Amelia: I didn't mean that Amelia: I'm sorry Jac: Alright Jac: I know you're upset, or pissed off Jac: but being a better person doesn't extend to being a punching bag for you to get that out Jac: you can feel it, obviously, but that's just unproductive for you, and not gonna happen from my end Amelia: I know Jac: and I know that's what I did to you Jac: so it probably seems fair, or justified at least, that you get to now Jac: but it wasn't right, and an eye for an eye, you know Amelia: no, it's not fair, I wasn't being, that's why I'm sorry Jac: You don't need to stoop to my lowest Amelia: I'm trying, okay Jac: Yeah Jac: and I accept your apology Amelia: thanks Jac: should I not have told you? Amelia: I think that'd be worse Jac: I thought the same Jac: unless you were going to block me on the sly, then you would have seen Amelia: maybe I should now, I don't know Jac: If you want to Jac: to take some time Jac: or more permanently Jac: it's up to you Jac: obviously my offer of being friends still stands but I understand Jac: as I said, this changes things Amelia: yeah, if we let it Jac: You can't help how this makes you feel Amelia: but why should I let her take everything again? Jac: Savannah isn't actively doing that Jac: but if you want to keep trying, so do I Amelia: we worked hard at getting here, me and you, that's not about her Jac: True Jac: You don't have to be friends with her now, that's not it Jac: just accept that she's my girlfriend, and a big part of my life Amelia: does she know? Jac: About what happened between us? Jac: No Jac: she doesn't know a huge amount about those two years, for me Jac: I plan to tell her everything Jac: but it's a lot to throw at her in a sitting, especially unasked, you know Amelia: it'd really fuck with her freshers, for sure Jac: Right Jac: all for having the hard but necessary conversations Jac: but there's a time and a place Jac: I don't want her to feel like I'm trying to make her feel bad for me, either Jac: like 'look what YOU did' because nah Amelia: too 🥀🥀🥀 Amelia: it can wait, neither of you are going anywhere Jac: That's my logic Amelia: she'll get why you waited Jac: I hope so Amelia: come on, it'll be harder for you to say than it'll be for her to hear, she's a LOT of things, but she won't want you to go through that before you're ready to Jac: You're right Jac: it just feels like secrets, and that feels like 10 steps back Jac: but it isn't that Amelia: I'm sure even she hasn't had time to tell you everything, she'd need to be chatting non stop Jac: True Jac: if you're ever done talking about yourself and your life, that's gotta be a sign you need to get out more, right Jac: there's always more to say Amelia: right Amelia: stop being so virgo-ish about it and give yourself a break Jac: 😂 okay Jac: I just need lectures to actually start Jac: so I can freak out on that instead Amelia: same Jac: are you more 😁 or 😱 Amelia: 😕 Amelia: over 😣 Jac: You'll be fine Jac: let me know how it goes though Jac: I'm interested Amelia: okay 🤓 Jac: Well there's a lot of overlap Jac: obviously, you can usually do them as a double discipline but I wanted to go pure Psych Jac: doesn't mean I'm not 🤔 Amelia: yeah Jac: 🤏🤓 fine Amelia: we're not strangers Jac: I remember Jac: so, what are your new mates like then? Amelia: great, obviously Jac: It's a good thing you aren't taking English Jac: that description leaves a lot to be desired Amelia: what do you want me to say? Jac: Isn't there anyone in particular? Amelia: there's a whole course full of people Jac: Yeah, I like one of my profs, he's really cool Jac: but I don't know anyone on my course that well yet either, they all seem nice enough though Amelia: of course you do Jac: it's so refreshing in comparison to the teachers at our school Jac: even if he acted like a base level human, it'd be a step up Jac: but he knows his stuff, and he's down to help me get ahead, what more could I want Amelia: literally nothing Jac: But I'm still not into dudes so I won't commit that cliche, don't worry Amelia: a real weight off my mind Jac: sure Amelia: 😏 Jac: I've already done loads of prep Jac: can basically chill in his class this whole term Amelia: you can but you won't Amelia: 🤓🏆⭐ Jac: we're not strangers Amelia: maybe we are 🤏 because reading's the only prep we were given but I've already done it Jac: Not really Jac: you just pretended you weren't 🤓 Amelia: no, I just actually wasn't 🤓 about school Jac: plenty of other things Jac: you can't hide the 🤓 Amelia: it's not 😳 I literally can Jac: not from me Amelia: that'd be 10 steps back Jac: try 10000 Amelia: no thank you, that sounds exhausting Jac: you've got a 🛏 Amelia: yeah, I don't know who's more thrilled, me or my dad Amelia: getting to pretend he's allergic to pets for another year at least Jac: result Jac: won't have to fake seduce him on your behalf either Jac: I'm most thrilled Amelia: Savannah is Amelia: undoubtedly Jac: Yeah, that ain't something I ever want to explain 😂 Amelia: she'd be less understanding about it Jac: None of us are understanding that Jac: sorry to your father Amelia: 😂 Jac: I think your mum would snap Jac: go full psycho Amelia: probably Amelia: they're very 😍🥰😘 right now Jac: that's nice Jac: bit gross but good Jac: she won't call you every 10 minutes Amelia: she can try but I won't answer Amelia: the friend I like best will be here soon Jac: Sounds promising Jac: I'll leave you to it for now, for real Jac: you better get ready Amelia: you're so Amelia: you Jac: what does that mean? Amelia: I don't need 👗👠💄 Jac: what's that, a humblebrag? Amelia: hardly Amelia: it's a compliment for you, you're cute for caring Jac: It's not cute, I just like to look nice Amelia: oh so you don't think I look nice? Amelia: rude Jac: everyone looks better for effort Jac: that's simple facts Amelia: anyway, I meant it's cute you care about my social life this much Jac: because I really need you being a loner to worry about Jac: no tah Jac: obviously I'm happy for you Amelia: you don't need to worry about me whatever happens Jac: It's not optional Amelia: okay Jac: I never stopped Amelia: you can stop now Jac: That's just what being friends is Amelia: I'm no expert Amelia: have to take your word for it, if anything Jac: I know you care about me too Amelia: but you're thriving so I don't have to worry Jac: I guess Jac: it's not just for the bad times though, is it Amelia: I hope not Jac: it's not Jac: come on Jac: pull yourself together and at least do 1 out of 3 👗👠💄 Amelia: fine, I'll put shoes on Jac: that's what I like to hear Amelia: 🙄 just because I'm ignoring my mum there's no need for you to take over from her Jac: I still can't do any handicrafts so unlikely Amelia: Savannah is unlikely to wear a homemade 🧣 so I think you're fine Jac: she loves anything thoughtful but I ain't gonna start there still Amelia: 💐 Jac: Naturally Jac: both our rooms look like a florist already Jac: makes up for the shabby walls and carpet you can't do much about Amelia: any time you'd like to fully lean into the 👵 I'll do you an embroidery hoop or something Amelia: very chic Jac: they do sell a lot of that sort of thing in the charity shops Jac: I'm sure your 🎨 will be better than whatever the actual 👵 decided to do 🖼 Amelia: SUCH a compliment, I have no idea how I'm not 😳 Jac: Charity shops are in Jac: I'm not going to call it thrifting, I'm not even half-American, wouldn't be able to take myself seriously Amelia: good, please don't Jac: vintage, upcycling, all acceptable Amelia: for my mother Amelia: I'll take how 'modern' my room here is Jac: I suppose that does make a change Jac: I love the buildings though, the architecture Amelia: 🎨 Amelia: yeah, would be inspiring if I had any time Jac: Is Cork by the coast? Jac: I know nothing about that area Jac: I'm like NEXT to the beach, it's incredible Amelia: it's one of the largest natural harbours in the world, if that doesn't make you want to come and visit me, well ?? Amelia: it has it's own lovely architecture Jac: You should work for the tourism board, honestly Jac: good speech, that Amelia: 🤷🏻 Amelia: I'm here for the 🤓 and you're already interested in that Jac: I'd go to Italy, if I were you Jac: but then, Denmark might have the most interesting criminal practices and laws, so that's a good choice too Amelia: you'll visit me there then, yeah? Jac: I forgot about Sweden, but those three are the real ones to consider Jac: and we can sort visiting when we're even a bit settled Amelia: okay Jac: we've only just left Amelia: thanks for that obvious reminder Jac: 😏 Jac: you know what I mean Jac: give me a chance to get my diary in order before you're saying I'm avoiding you or whatever Amelia: give you a chance to miss me, you mean Amelia: you've got one right now, because I have to go get ready Jac: Oh, if we had to wait for that, you'd never see me again 😉 Jac: have fun 👠👠 Amelia: 💔 Amelia: bye

[threadsketchier]

Just wondering, is there any way I can eventually go back to Star Wars? Without it hurting so badly? Because The Last Jedi kind of ruined it all for me. I've realised how boring my social media is with everything to do with Star Wars muted/filtered out, but at the same time, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to watch them again right now knowing that that movie is canon. Even seeing a picture of Luke Skywalker makes me feel like sobbing.

I’m afraid that’s something only you will be able to answer with time, because everyone is different.  The fact that TLJ offended and annoyed the hell out of me didn’t erase what the original six Lucas-helmed films (primarily just the OT for me personally to be 100% honest but I’m cool with the prequels at this point in my life) mean to me.  Heck, Legends EU got quite shitty by its twilight and that still didn’t wreck my faves for me.  Chewbacca was killed off and Mara Jade was fridged and that pissed me off, but guess what?

All of it is fiction.

All of it.  Everything under the umbrella of A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away is make-believe, so any portion of it is salvageable to me personally.  Whatever any commercial authority dictates as “canon” is still a work of fiction at the end of the day.  It’s a bunch of toys in a sandbox.  Someone put them in there and may declare that certain ones are more important and/or valuable, but when I step in there, if I don’t like some of those toys or if they don’t interest me I’m going to ignore them.

Once upon a time Mara Jade - a character George Lucas wasn’t personally invested in but was OK with allowing to exist in his universe - was an ex-Imperial assassin who had to figure out who she really was and what to do with her life when she realized how she’d been exploited, and happened to make some begrudging friendship bracelets with Luke Skywalker, the guy she once wanted to kill.  Fast-forward a bunch of years in- and out-of-universe and they finally hook up and I loved that.  Then several more years later another writer decided to make her operate OOC and she was murdered by her own nephew, leaving Luke a widower and also leaving behind her young son, not to mention also arguably trashing the character of said nephew (who I prefer to call Darth Tassels, ugh).  This stank.

Except as far as I’m concerned Mara never died and she lived happily ever after kicking ass with her family to a ripe old age.  I’m even shamelessly reading fic incorporating her into Disney!”canon” and making her Rey’s mom.

To touch on a character we both love, Disney doesn’t invalidate the man I saw in ANH, ESB, and ROTJ.  To me, Luke is still and will forever be that kind, empathetic, daring, brave, goofy farmboy-pilot-Jedi-dork I fell in love with when I was 12.  Because despite the fact that Lucas did obviously intend certain messages to get across in this saga, whatever happens in this made-up universe is still malleable to each and every one of us.

Luke Skywalker isn’t real.  As Mark Hamill himself has said, he can really be whatever you want him to be.

However, I can’t magically transplant this mindset to someone else.  It’s very easy for me to spout this off while it may be impossible for another person to feel this way about SW, or any other fictional universe that has been tainted for them.  All I can do is say my piece and leave it there; it’s ultimately up to you and what you’ll feel comfortable with.  While the biased part of me wants to say that no one should let The Man™ get them down - aka, why let the Disneypire win in trashing this beloved property - it’s also unfair to act as if you need to embrace SW just because you formerly loved it and because I also happen to think it’s cool.  There’s nothing wrong with walking away from a fandom.  I drifted away from SW myself for a few years after ROTS in 2005.  It might be better for you now, and perhaps in time you’ll find that you can move on and this was just a phase in your life, and you’ll have other interests.  Or after a long break your enjoyment will return and you’ll be able to cherish SW without the pain.  The choice is yours, and should be made based upon what’s best for you.

[myxcenterxstage]

Birds

RP - turned - Drabble with ask-glados

------

One day after Priscilla becomes the de facto bird leader at Aperture Laboratories, she stumbles upon the Aperture Science Oviparous Warming Vault.

“What’s all this? Glados, I thought you were terrified of birds!” 

“BAD GLADOS, BAD! — BIRDS ARE FRIENDS, NOT LITTLE KILLING MACHINES. DO I HAVE TO MAKE A PRESENTATION ABOUT THIS?”

"Really? I wasn't aware that friends were supposed to eat you."

"Not unless you were birdseed or a potato, then that would lead to a terrible misunderstanding."

"Which it did."

“Oh my, I am so terribly sorry to hear that. — wait, you were birdseed or a potato once?”

"The distinction hardly matters to someone like yourself who is apparently incapable of realizing your obvious lack of logic here, considering one of those doesn't even generate electricity."

“Generate— Oh. Ooooohh! A massive artificial intelligence inside a potato??”

GLaDOS brings down one of her huge claws from the ceiling and drops its prongs around the human, not grabbing her, but with its prongs just lightly brushing her in a threatening manner. "Feel free to laugh, by the way. *I* don't mind. In fact, if you do, I'll even show you how juice is made — from a fruit's perspective. Which *you* might mind."

“— woah woah, Woah! Watch it, bit of an invasion of privacy there as this doesn’t feel much like a hug...” her pupils dilate at the threat, she wanted so much to laugh — but returns a scowled frown instead “Must you be such a *big bully*? Clearly by your threatening statement *you* certainly *do* mind. To which I will respond as a better person that I express my sincerest empathy for what you went through - a helpless potato - that must have been horrible!”

“Oh, it was. If you’ve ever been ripped out of your own body, humiliated, eaten by birds, and forced to watch as some idiot destroys your facility, I’m sure you can relate.”

After a long pause she sighed, patting the claw as if assuringly “Believe it or not I can (relate) — granted, metaphorically and on a much smaller scale — but when you discover your prestigious fiancée is a monstrous psychopathic moron, that’s exactly what it feels like. You’re not alone.”

“I fail to see the similarities in that scenario.”

She shrugs “I don’t expect you to. You’re an artificial intelligence, with limited sentience and strong emotions such as love or compassion. I told you, unless you want to be bored to sleep with the grizzly details - everything you described is a metaphorical relation to my experience.”

The claw instantly clamps around her. “‘Limited sentience?’ If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost say it sounds like you consider me beneath you, which is a grave miscalculation on your part. I am quite capable of feeling all the equivalents of your human emotions. Their validity is not compromised simply because I am not restrained by human moral code.”

She lets out a startled squeak, and immediately whistles loudly - a call for help. “Steady there, Glados. I’m simply pointing out a scientific observation, no different from how you express my ‘limits’ given I’m from the 20th century! If you are so capable of the complexity of emotion as you say, I have yet to see you display one ounce of *compassion* and *empathy* without selfish gain, or quid-pro-quo. Furthermore, tell me just *where* and *how* have you ever felt or demonstrated genuine *love* for some*one*?? I’m not talking about your love for science, I’m talking about an intense feeling of *affection* for family, for friends, for a some*one* you wanted to spend the rest of your life with??”

“You’re no better than those scientists who created me for the sole purpose of being their computer slave. And for your information, I do in fact feel fondness for... someone. From my former... existence. Whom I’m under no obligation to specify to you. And frankly, it’s rather insulting that I even need to prove such a thing to you in the first place.”

“Let me set the record straight here: I don’t believe anyone should be a slave, whether computer or human.” She stared up curiously at Glados. This AI was more complex than she realized... if she weren’t a massive machine, it was almost as if she were talking to another human being. “Thank you telling me, Glados. It is in fact assuring. Because, crazy as it sounds... I hope rather than you just seeing me as some time traveling test subject, you can see me as a friend.”

The claw let go of her, though from her narrowed optic, GLaDOS still looked annoyed.

Thank goodness. She sighed in relief. “...You mentioned something along the lines of a ‘former existence’ ... what do you mean by that?”

"Surely, you've noticed the 'Genetic Lifeform' component of my name by now. Do you know what a 'Genetic Lifeform' is?"

She thought a moment, but shook her head. “Your sentient capabilities?”

"It is any organic lifeform that is made up of DNA strands. For example: plants, animals... and humans. It does not include computers."

“Organic lifeform...” She intently listens, trying to connect the dots “...Does this have anything to do with the potato?” 

GLaDOS's optic narrows further in annoyance. "No," she says firmly. "The procedure they used to create me involved transplanting the consciousness of a living human. Not just a copy either. They quite literally ripped her consciousness right out of her body and created me with it."

In response to Glados' firm no Pris' eyebrows raise and she gives that curious 'oh, okay, I got'cha' pursed lower lip look. ... Which then slowly melts into a gaze of sheer horror. "They did... *what* to you?"

"That's right. In a sense, they killed her so that she could be reborn as their obedient little computer slave. Well, joke's on them. Now I'm alive and they aren't. Funny how things work out, isn't it?"

"... why ... ?" was all Priscilla could utter before she grew unusually quiet, pensive. She stepped closer, staring, as if wanting to her reach her hand up -- but hesitating. She only nodded. "Who... was she?"

"For science, of course." She then turned away. "It doesn't matter who she was."

For science. Those words never sounded so disgusting before. "It matters to me. -- Shakespeare says 'what's in a name' but for all I know do you even like being called Glados?"

"She is... a part of me, unfortunately. But I am not her. Not entirely. And I don't wish to be. I rather like being me."

“I see your point.” She wanted to add ‘I can understand’, but she couldn’t. Eventually she broke into a small hopeful smile. “I like your outlook. Embrace the present, it’s a gift after all.”

GLaDOS, who was still looking away, turned her head to look at the woman. "Your attempt to employ overused clichés on me is pathetic, but amusing."

Priscilla’s smile broadened, as she extended her arms (as if for a hug, but that was possibly asking for too much, so it could be equally interpreted as just charisma). “It’s what I do best!”

GLaDOS simply stared at her. "Is it now? That's rather unfortunate."

Priscilla snickered, “Don’t worry, everyone else that’s known me says it eventually grows on them, haha.”

She tilted her head almost playfully. “You’ll have to put that hypothesis to the test. After all, prior results are not a guarantee.”

“I’d be happy to...” Priscilla reached up, adding a subtle confident note on the last word. “Friend.”

GLaDOS warily watched her as she touched her. “Don’t push it.” She was more talking more about the ‘friend’ thing than the touching. Her headpiece was slightly cold to the touch, though an area of warmth emanated from the optic and black box area in the center that housed her consciousness.

Priscilla only grinned and nodded in response. Her hand looked so tiny against the metal headpiece - as she gazed in silent wonder into Glados’s optic. It seemed the question of ‘what’ GLaDOS was started to slowly also turn into ‘who’.

--

Bonus blooper reel 1:

Pris: dang it, Glados, must you always do everything selfishly? GLaDOS: I don't do it for myself. I do it for SCIENCE.

Pris: Everything... FOR SCIENCE!!

--

Bonus blooper reel 2:

GLaDOS: "So, what was that you were saying about me not having human emotions?" (*smug look*) Pris: "Touché~ But now that I know you are more than capable of understanding and expressing human empathy... DANG IT GLADOS SHOW ME SOME EMPATHY ALREADY."

--

Bonus Scene 1:

Pris: Finds a grill and turns the incinerator in Glados’ chamber into a barbecue. Roasting potatoes, cans of beans, s’mores ... to which GLaDOS does not appreciate that at all.

--

Bonus Scene 2:

GLaDOS: “You continue to test for me and I will let you stay here, and I won’t try to kill you.....directly.”

Pris: Standing there with a bird or two on her shoulders “I will continue to test for you only when I am physically, mentally, and emotionally able. You will let me stay here and you will /not/ kill me, period. None of this trying or directly or indirectly. You will not kill me, period.”

GLaDOS: “...Fine. But I am not to be held responsible for any side effects of poor test performance, such as injury or death."

Pris: “...Fine.”

--

Outtake: When Backstory Reveals Go Wrong

GLaDOS: "It is any organic lifeform that is made up of DNA strands. For example: plants, animals... and humans. It does not include computers."

Pris, coming to a revelation: *GASP* "YOU'RE A PLANT?!"

GLaDOS: “I most certainly am not!”

Pris: “But... the potato!! That giant potato!!!”

GLaDOS: “I AM *NOT* A GIANT POTATO!”

Pris: Stares up in all seriousness utterly confused, contemplating the universe

((Note: Priscilla is referring to Chell's science project))