#i love those stupid evil trains

[mysticalcats]

can people give me their silliest cheater boys hcs please

[thisisaname-whatahappyname]

fox news the absoloute Belothed fuck those bastards

[wolfofansbach]

BEING A LIST OF THE THIRTEEN GREATEST RIVERDALE LINES, ON THE OCCASION OF THAT SHOW'S TERMINATION

As our much loved/hated show comes to an end, I feel compelled to record, for posterity, the greatest thirteen pieces of dialogue to spring from the pens of RAS and his henchmen. It was, of course, originally a top ten list, but I simply could not exclude a few of these treasures. Without further ado: 

13. 

“I dropped out in the 4th grade, to sell drugs, to support my nana.” 

“That means you haven't known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football.” 

Spoken by: an inmate of Leopold and Loeb Juvenile Detention Center, and Archie Andrews. 

In: 3 x 2 

Yeah, okay, this one had to be on the list. It’s funny, I’ll admit. It’s a great example of the overwrought semi-sincere melodrama that helped make this show so special. It’s low on the list largely because The Normies got their hands on it, so every time I hear someone make a reference I get all “do not cite the deep magic to me, witch.” 

12. 

“No! No! What are we supposed to do now? I’m horny as heck!”

Spoken by: Archie Andrews 

In: 7 x 16

Season 7 is undeniably dreadful, and yet there are diamonds in the rough. The occasion is the failure of a projector, just as Archie and Reggie prepare to watch a pornographic film. The utter desperation with which KJ Apa delivers this line is exquisite. One is made to feel they are witnessing a genuine tragedy. 

11. 

“Tonight, they’re making an exception and debuting a cover of the song my parents claim they were listening to the night Jason and I were conceived.” 

Spoken by: Cheryl Blossom. 

In: 1 x 1 

Really a fantastic line. A wonderful encapsulation of the casual absurdity of Cheryl’s character, and a foretaste of the lunacy we would plumb in later episodes and seasons. 

10. 

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in and I don’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That’s weird.” 

Spoken by: Jughead Jones

In: 1 x 10

A genuine classic. “High school football” before “high school football.” One is never entirely sure just how sincere the line is meant to be, both on a meta-level and in-universe. A perfect illumination of Jughead’s pretentiousness. It is made all the better by the occasional cuts to Lili Reinhard’s agonized face. 

9. 

“At the last dance, multiple students were murdered.” 

Spoken by: Principal Holden Honey. 

In: 4 x 2

Delivered as an explanation to Toni and Cheryl, as to why there would be no school dance this year. Principal Honey is in fact supremely rational in the cancellation of this dance. This being Riverdale, he is of course treated as an unreasonable tyrant. 

8. 

“Bro, I know all the secrets of this universe.” 

Spoken by: Archie Andrews (evil version)

In: 6 x 5 

Spoken as evil Archie reveals his evil plan to keep the parallel universes apart. KJ Apa’s delivery once again makes this line. He is comically sinister. Strangely, he sells it. 

7. 

“A Vughead kiss, right now, in the present might be precisely what it takes to save a future Bughead from imploding.” 

Spoken by: Jughead Jones. 

In: 2 x 14

One of those lines that both makes me laugh and makes me genuinely angry. This was a fairly early season, and this may have actually been the first line to get me asking, ‘did they genuinely write and deliver that?’ Extra points for use of the atrocious ‘Vughead’ portmanteau ship name rather than ‘Jeronica.’ 

6. 

“I’m the ultimate wild card. I am the daughter of The Black Hood. The nightmare from next door. I’m training with the FBI and I’m coming for you, you psycho bitch.” 

Spoken by: Betty Cooper

In: 4 x 14 

Just delicious. Another one of those lines that leaves you somewhat unsure whether or not the writers understood how genuinely hysterical it was. “The Nightmare from Next Door” sounds like an announcer hyping up a wrestler. Spoken with a raw sincerity by Lili Reinhart. Also points for the heavy homoeroticism between Betty and Donna. 

5. 

“For I am Cheryl Blossom, Queen of the Bees.” 

Spoken by: Cheryl Blossom.

In: 5 x 16. 

This one really doesn’t require any elaboration. 

4. 

“Elijah ascended…and I will, too.” 

Spoken by: Edgar Evernever.

In: 4 x 5. 

Admittedly, this one is only spectacular with context. But in context—the context being that Chad Michael Murray delivers this line while dressed like Evel Knievel and standing in a cartoon rocket right out of a Warner Bros cartoon—it becomes utterly magnificent. 

3. 

“It’s not queer baiting, it’s saving the world.” 

Spoken by: Veronica Lodge. 

In: 6 x 22. 

It’s actually hard for me to decide whether this one is funnier with or without context. Without context it’s wonderful, but it possibly becomes even funnier when you know that the context is that Veronica needs to kiss Cheryl to transfer superpowers into her body so she can turn into a Scarlet Witch knock-off and stop a magic comet summoned by Sephiroth an English wizard who is also the Devil. 

2. 

“If there’s no wedding reception, it means the Gargoyle King has won.” 

Spoken by: Kevin Keller. 

In: 3 x 12.

One of my personal favorites. This is a perfect line because like #3, it requires no real elaboration. There is absolutely no context in which it isn’t hysterical. 

1 .

“Word of my exploits serving Nick his comeuppance has seeped into the demimonde of mobsters and molls my father used to associate with, so the five families are sending their youngest and brightest, their ���princes,’ as it were to, well, come court the rare Mafia Princess who can belly up to the bar with the big boys.

Spoken by: Veronica Lodge. 

In: 2 x 20. 

This is, in my opinion, the all-timer. Every word is perfect. The rapid-fire alliteration. The use of the word ‘demimonde.’ The entirely unnecessary addition of ‘as it were.’ This is borderline Dr. Seuss. The fact that Camila Mendes delivered it without cracking a smile should have won her an Emmy. No. An Oscar. This line is Riverdale. 

[not-the-cheese]

one sentence(ish) summaries of every magnus archive episode PART 2

(eps 61-110) thank u for the funny comments and tags on the last part i love u guys

the rest of these may take a while as i've caught up to where i am currently in the podcast but i will finish them like in a month i promise

----

61. the thrilling sequel to man does not open coffin: man DOES open coffin.

62. surely this doctor can find an easier way to scam people out of money than putting them in a little book.

63. THE DARK ATE MY BROTHER IN LAW.

64. this is possibly the plot of laura croft tomb raider

65. mmm crumchy

66. what's the opposite of an unboxing video

67. as close to a coffeeshop au as you're going to get from this podcast

68. Doctors hate him! Man REFUSES to die from tuberculosis!

69. your college's psych department has the worst idea ever.

70. reverse death note

71. not even death will stop this woman from taking the british subway

72. man doesn't want to be low key racist in his last moments before getting eaten

73. police versus the second coming of dark jesus

74. lady is haunted by an ad for coffee

75. mike crew says "uh fuck it let's just put this guy on a skyscraper forever"

76. ryan from buzzfeed unsolved breaks into a train yard and suffers consequences

77. you're not a enough of a bitch to be my real mom

78. man gets harassed by his cousin and then exorcises him

79. you know that chase scene in scooby doo with the doors

80. stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner

81. i have been personally victimized by the sequel to the hungry hungry caterpillar

82. pov: elias threatens to cancel you

83. mannequin takes matters into its own hands after people don't like its pitch for a new window display

84. a hoarder put newspaper on my friend's face :(

85. hey there's maybe a little man upon these stairs?

86. man gets got by a squiggly thing in the dark.

87. plumber is so oblivious to spooky happenings around him that it possibly saves his life.

88. guys i think this guy likes to dig

89. lesbian investment banker finds a new, less evil job: arson!

90. guy who turns people's bones starts a gym where he promises not to turn your bones! (he is lying)

91. i was stalked by lightning for 10 years and i all i got were these stupid scars

92. jonah magnus is a bad friend // another day another elias slay

93. ocd is no match for purple fuzz

94. let the bodies drop gently to the floor let the bodies drop gently to the floor

95. im so sorry my brain refuses to remember what the war ones were about but i think one guy got gently kissed on the forehead so that's pretty nice.

96. diversity wins! the not-quite-human delivery men who stole your identity and business are maybe gay?

97. man gets gaslighted by an entire town about a hole

98. 🎶mister sandman bring me a dream, actually don't, please stay far from me 🎶

99. another one bites the dust

100. archival assistants face off against the general public (they lose)

101. jon finally levels up high enough to unlock an eldritch horror's tragic backstory

102. LOCAL MAN MARRIES BUG

103. peppa eats a clown and they cover her in concrete instead of congratulating her.

104. pennywise stole my brother's skin

105. it's world war z baby

106. Something Big Is In Space.

107. man is interrogated about the time he saw thomas the train roasts people alive and also sans is there

108. actor is stalked by mask who liked his monologue so much that it tells its mask friends to come watch.

109. sometimes a family is just a serial killer's daughter and that guy who maybe killed some vampires

110. yeah man those spiders be eating

Part 1 |

[crymyeyesout1]

Set in their sights

poly!marauders 

Summary: The marauders are all in a poly relationship with each other and Lily when they all individually become interested in a shy hufflepuff in their year. What about this little hufflepuff makes them all feel complete? Will she return their affections?

Warnings: Poly relationship, mentions of smut, lots of fluff, very shy oc, mentions of child abuse. let me know if there are any more

PSA: this is my first time writing on tumblr so please be kind, I'm trying my best. And there is absolutely no peter in this story so sorry not sorry. Please let me know if you like it and if I should write more.

✩₊˚.⋆✩⋆⁺₊✩

James and Sirius were hurriedly making their way through the train; their lovers were already in the marauders designated compartment and they were running late. It would seem as if the two hadn’t seen them since their fifth  year ended just three months ago, but in reality it had been only five days since their shared boyfriend and girlfriend had departed from James’ home where they had spent almost the entire summer doing whatever they pleased. 

“Pads slow down you are going to run someone over” James pleaded with his boyfriend

“ Prongs please we are late and I’m not going to-” he was cut off by a body colliding with him square in the chest and falling over. He peered down to see a small girl and became almost immediately enamored with in his eyes she was the most adorable girl he’d ever seen to others she was almost odd looking her hair was mostly pitch black but around her face and peeking out a bit from the underneath was bright blonde and all of it was naturally curly. The girl was wearing a hufflepuff jumper that looked at least one size too big with a black skirt and sheer tights that had some kind of pattern to them, stars, Sirius recognized and on her feet lay black worn out combat boots. Sirius reached out his hand to help the poor girl up and for a few seconds she hesitated almost as if she was scared of what would happen if she did take his hand, which reluctantly she did. He carefully pulled her to her feet and as he did so he took quick notice of her eyes: they were a dark gray and dull like there was no life behind them, they were slightly sunken and were surrounded by deep dark blueish purple eye bags. Just by looking into them Sirius could tell she was sad and it broke his heart a part of him wanted to take this girl and hide her away from all the evils of the world that she had already seen. He wanted to be the reason the light returned to those eyes. His thoughts were going a million miles a minute when someone clears their throat dragging him back to reality. It was James, his boyfriend, how could he be so stupid as to be so caught up with this random girl that he completely blanked on his relationship. He had two boyfriends and a girlfriend already. What was he doing ogling this poor girl? 

“Hello there, sorry about this brute, he can’t pay attention to anything even if it's right in front of him” James quickly apologized to the poor girl on Sirius’ behalf.

“It's quite alright” a soft and dreamy voice came from the girl in front of them, James instantly took more notice of the girl completely understanding he boyfriends staring now. In just three words you had encapsulated him and he needed more.

“Well little love, I’m James Potter and can I tell you how much of a pleasure it is to run into you. Please you must tell me your name, little love.” The girl blushed furiously at the nickname and softly responded.

“Abigail Gaunt '' Her last name caused Sirius to freeze, flashes of his mothers teachings came flooding into his brain. The Gaunts were the last known descendant of Salazar Slytherin, but the last living Gaunt was put in azkaban for murder by means of the killing curse, an unforgivable. How was one standing in front of him, and how was she a hufflepuff, oh how he would love to see the look on his mothers face the last known heir of slytherin sorted into hufflepuff. Surely she couldn’t be in his year, his own sorting into gryffindor had caused uproar but this, this was a whole new level. James had seemed to notice the shock on Sirius’ face and had elbowed his arm, snapping him out of whatever trance he was in.

“Oh I’m Sirius Black, but of course you already know that doll” he winked at her and if her face could have gotten any redder it would.

“Um well yes but um I-It's nice to m-m-meet you” she stuttered out trying with all her might to act normal but in her mind no she wasn’t normal not even in the slightest bit. But two fourths of the infamous marauders stood in front of her and were they? Merlin forbid they were flirting with her? 

Impossible, flirt with her? What were they thinking?

She tried to reason with herself when a beautiful voice filled the hall

“There you boys are Remus and I were starting to worry oh! Who is this?” The voice belonged to the one and only Lily Evans, every aspect of her was beautiful, it was no wonder she had the three most sought after boys in the school on her leash. And what was that last part, she had noticed the small hufflepuff standing with her boys. Abigail might as well have been on fire with how hot and red her cheeks were.

“Lily Pads! We were just on our way when Padfoot decided to tackle Abby here” he looked down at her and cocked his head to the right “ I can call you Abby right? Good because that what I’m calling you, Abby is so much cuter sounding than stuffy Abigail” The girl now newly nicknamed Abby gave a small squeak as the larger and very muscular boy wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close to him and gave a small “sure”  when she noticed his expecting gaze. If someone could die from embarrassment Abby definitely would be long dead. 

“Oh it's so nice to me you Abby what year are you?” Lily gushed at the girl in her boyfriend's arms, she was just too cute and her deeply reddened cheeks only made her more so. Lily wanted nothing more than to kiss them but that would need to be discussed with her boys.

“Come on boys, let's leave Abby here to go find her compartment, I’m sure her friends are waiting, just as Remus is waiting on us.” She leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to Abby’s cheek then turned and walked back to their compartment. Abby didn’t have a chance to even think about how she definitely didn’t have any friends waiting on her, in fact the past five minutes have been the most interaction she’s had with someone her age ever she thought. Each of the boys had followed lily’s lead and each kissed one of your cheeks and moved to their compartment. Leaving Abby a flustered mess in the middle of the train.

[an-excellent-choice]

A random thought but I am what you would consider as a new fan in dragon age. So, for me the common discourse/hate surrounding Cullen in the games is really shallow.

(I am referring to the character not the voice actor, I do not give a shit about that guy and about his bullshit)

I see a lot of hate on cullen and how either he is so fucking bland or evil because he is a equivalent to a cop in dragon age. which while I can see the comparison it just go and shows how people cant really handle an overarching flawed character story arc when they aren't this witty or sassy person.

Cullen is great example of how a traumatic experience can sway you to extremism (you know like Bolin in Korra) He wasn't inherently bad, hell he trained in a very lenient and peaceful circle without any issue or complaints on his side.

(reminder that the Cullen trained in was very chill and balanced if you think about it. Anders stayed in that circle while doing his multiple escape attempts and they never made him tranquil. Other examples include all the kissing allowed in the circle and the fact the you can save the circle in DAO if you save the first enchanter)

Then everything went to shit in that relaxed circle.

Cullen was tortured and was forced to watch everyone around him get killed by the very things that he was warned what mages was.

If you think about it he probably blamed majority of what happened to leniency of the circle to the mages which is why it isnt a surprise that he would be supportive of strictness of the circle in kirkwall.

A lot of people hate on Cullen because of da2 which i understand but this part of the story is kind of like anders in da2 act 3 or loghain in dao for him.

He is part of his life where he is as closest to monster he could be but you know why he isn't the worst is because he has a line that he didnt cross which was killing allies/ civilians. He later also acknowledges in DAI the pain and atrocities he caused in DA2.

He is aware of his biases and is trying to redeem himself by helping in the inquisition as an independent faction. He left the templars.

He hates how the templars has treated him and his faith to be weapons of abuse. While he was a perpetrator of the abuses of the templars, people forget he is also a victim.

Templars are required to intake lyrium to be part of the order. This system literally uses these drugs to make them addicts and gain control on them. I dont know about you but that shit isnt really comparable to being cops.

He is literally a recovering drug addict in DAI and the reason why he is doing this is to show that templars can do it. They can leave the order.

Extra: I love cullen because he is so complicated and he is trying his best. Does this mean I want to see him in DATV? Fuck no. If him being brought back into story requires for the voice actor to be hired for it. no fucking thanks. His story is done and I'm happy with that

P.S also extra note about people saying he is creepy because he had a crush on the warden in DAO while he was a templar is a stupid point.

I dont care if the author originally wanted it to seem creepy, they completely failed on that mood and they forgot characters can also write themselves a story if you are not careful.

Cullen was incredibly shy and knew how inappropriate his crush was. He literally ran away from any flirting attempts. It is not bad to have a crush with someone you shouldn't have on, AS LONG AS YOU KNOW THE BOUNDARIES AND DONT LET ANYONE CROSS THOSE BOUNDARIES. which he didn't.

[valeskawhore]

Don’t know if you’re taking requests at the minute but I LOVED your Yandere!Homelander HC’s and was thinking what about yandere!homelander but with a supe (fem possibly but don’t mind gn) reader who is equally manipulative back?? Like they’re the evil king and queen. Would be cool if she could have powers like Wanda from Marvel but you can choose! ❤️❤️

OFCOURSE BABES!!! I LOVE THIS IDEA!!<3333

----

In all, I feel like he'd be conflicted.

He wants to in control of you always. this man wants control over everything you do and ofcourse, it's simply because he wants to keep you safe-- silly little thing.

So when he finds himself wanting to succumb to your caring words and feels nothing but at ease to your prescence.. he's happy! but one thing we cannot bypass is how paranoid this poor boy is.

He's checking the corners.

Homelander wants to know where you are at all times like a lost puppy with it's owner. It never fails to make you feel a sense of warmth when he's standing over you with this warm little Himbo look in his eyes as he stared at you like you're the prettist woman he's ever seen in his life.

You are.

Though, this is all Pre-finding out.

When he begins to pick up on your words, he's frustrated and conflicted all over again.

He had to find out from A-train-- you know how embarrassing that is? he had to find out from that fuck fucking sonuvabitch--

He's angry! that he was so stupid!

He knew he was too trusting but he took a chance this time and thought he could trust it.

Homelander though you loved him--? so-- why?

He confronts you about it. and you automatically knew something was up when he wasn't texting you non-stop and following you around.

Honestly, if you're bold enough, you probably could've got to him before he got to you and YOU could've confronted him.

You love him, you do. It's a sick twsited kind of love and you know you care about him deeply but it's the Homelander.. for crying out loud.

You just want to baby him, that's it. Poor man flies around and saves everyone but who;s there to save him? at the end of the day?

Homelander ends up confronting you. He pulls you into the meeting room, staring out the window with him arms crossed behind his back with it too you.

Bro looks like he's about to take a knee for the national anthem at any moment. He's so patriotic--

"Ah.. Y/n, if it isn't the fuckin' witch." he scoffs with a sarcastic smile. He's trying to intimadate you, Trying to shove down any other feelings he has because everyone knows they are OVEFLOWING with love and respect.. that's all he has for you.

He's just confused, he just needs you guidance all over again so you give it to him. You'll talk to him slowly and subtly touch his hand or his face. Looking at him with those bit saucers of yours.

You're pretending.. duh. ofcourse but he dosent know that and he dosent have too because at the end of the day-- all of this. is. for. him.

Realistically, I don't think he'd ever find out that you're manipulating him after that reasurrance. But if he did and he was somehow ok with it. Yes,

Evil--mothafucking--queen and king. He'd be completely ok with you taking the lead.. behind close doors.

He is the leader, that WILL not change.

---

[echantedtoon]

Perhaps In Another Life P2

Part 2 of this let's go!

This is inspired by a similar post by @o3o-aya and I wanted to put my own take now. Daki will be included but their own parts will be PLATONIC!! COMPLETELY PLATONIC!!

Summery is the reactions of the Upper/Lower Moons watching you run back to your Haishira s/os upon their defeat. Will stay sfw etc.

Warnings for yandere themes, kidnapping mentions, death, Karaku and Enmu ARE their own warnings, possibly some innuendos,etc.

Zohakuton will be included as a part of Hantengu's but bit he's written as PLATONIC!!

ENMU:

Your husband warned you not to get on trains.

This was the reason why. How you ended up being trapped by a sadistic gremlin like demon who took fascination in you. First it was just an idea to hold you as bait for your Flame Haishira husband seen sneaking around the trains lately but it quickly became a more intimate fascinating for him as he watched your dreams and thought the tears you had as you begged to be reunited with your husband was so delicious.

So that's why he cursed those brats who killed him and glared with the hatred of a thousand nightmares at the Haishira who gave him a similar stare of his own holding you unconscious body in his arms.

However he's smugly satisfied knowing he forever put the fear of loosing each other in your minds. His part will always be in your minds.

GYUTARO (+PLATONIC UME/DAKI):

He knew something was up when Daki brought back a woman that was infiltrating the houses to find them. Stupid really. But he had her comb through the other houses quickly in order to cut down on anyone.

She ended up finding three other women including you.

You were so pretty. So pretty it made his sister pause seeing her brother's reaction to you and gave her the idea of keeping you as a kind of doll and gifting you to her brother. He agreed. Asked his sister to get rid of your wives. Got angry when he learnt you married. Got angrier when your husband showed up looking for his wives.

And now here he was crying out to his sister and blaming her for allowing those damned brats to find where they hid you. Watching with tears as you were group hugged by your wives. Clinging to your severely injured husband as poison pulsed through his body.

He wanted to cry out for you. But his mouth was already disintegrated. All he could do was cry a few miserable angry tears and hope in your next life he could claim you first.

HANTENGU (+CLONES):

You were kind and compassionate. That's what the Love Haishira loved most about her girlfriend, a.k.a You. And you loved her just as much. Unfortunately it was that kindness that was your downfall. You showed some kindness outta fear when you ran into the Upper Moon Four, and he had taken you.

Deluding himself into believing that you two were in love all along and the evil slayer brainwashed you into thinking you were in love with her instead.

So he couldn't stop sobbing when he saw the pink haired woman he had been fighting swinging you around in her arms happy to have you back. You were crying too, latching onto her as she twirled you around.

COULDN'T YOU SEE HE WAS THE VICTIM ALL ALONG?!

SEKIDO:

DAM SLAYERS!! DAM YOU!! HOW DARE THEY TAKE YOU FROM HIM!! HOW DARE YOU EMBRACE THAT WOMAN!! He's angry with everyone until the bitter end as he watches through Zohakutan's eyes.

URAMI:

Like Sekido he's so angry and bitter! He resents the way you chose your wide over them and he resents the pink haired Haishira most of all.

AIZETSU:

CRYING. SOBBING. He wants to yell out to you and beg you to come back. They'll be better he promises! Unfortunately his tears and turmoil can't be heard outside of Zohakutan as they all disintegrate into coming.

KARAKU:

He's mostly numb to be honest. He wants to say something but doesn't know what to say. He couldn't anyways even if he tried being trapped inside with the other three. But he does feel deep regret making you cry like that.

UROGI:

His first instinct is to try and make Zohakutan screech at them. He panics when he realizes that he's unable to do that. Like Aizetsu, panics and cries from within where no one can hear them.

ZOHAKUTAN:

Like Urami and Sekido, he's angry and resentful. However being the clone of hatred it's amplified to the extremes as he hears the other sevens' mixed reactions.

[v3nusxsky]

Reader who was already obsessed with Regina hen she was queen and subcontiously that obsession stayed with her after the curse. I mean, bordiline creep behaviour soemtimes. Regina finds out and remembers them from the enchanted forest- they used to sit outside the castle garden and watch Regina walk about- and decides to have kinky kinky sex with this little stalker...

Enchanted by you 18+

*authors note~ second Kinktober fic for my lovely queen🥰 this time will be filling this square for role play and/or power play*

Trigger warnings~ power play/slight role play (but it’s okay bc she’s a queen in cannon sooo), sensory deprivation (blindfolds), bondage, oral sex, your majesty (Regina), alludes to reader being a creep in the name of attraction, magical strap on (reader receives), praise/degrading kink, slight overstimulation

Prompt ~ see ask^^^^^^

Covers this bingo square

Your routine as a simple farmers daughter. Until you saw her. It was purely accidental. Heading back along the broader to the forest from delivering eggs from the farm was where you first laid eyes on the regal woman. Her pure onyx coloured horses guiding her grand carriage past you effortlessly. That’s when you caught the first glance of the queen. It’s all it should’ve been really. A simple glance. Until it was more.

Every day you’d find a way to escape to the castle. No one needed to know. She didn’t even know you existed. Why would she? A stunning example of a woman and a farmers daughter quickly becoming an old maid. No one noticed you and for the first time you were now glad for it. It made it easier to sit just outside of the castle gardens completely unnoticed by the guards as you continued to drink in every step the queen took, memorise every detail of her tight dresses and even going as far to commit the images and sounds of her voice to memory. One glance wasn’t meant to lead to this. You knew it was creepy, the poor woman didn’t know you were watching her so intently every day or how you fantasised about her every night beneath the darkness of your room.

A vivid memory of what you thought to be a dream lead you here. Every day. You’d start in granny’s cafe, trail behind her as she strutted towards the office for a full day of being mayor. After finishing working at the near by high school library you’d catch a glimpse of her heading home to Henry. Her son. Yet you never noted a husband. Before waiting in the shadows as she readied herself for bed before retreating to your own home under the cover of darkness to repeat the same routines.

The day the spell lifted it was purely instinctual for you seek the evil queen out. And there she was in her usual attire back at her own family crypt. You’d seen her visit many times over the years, mayor mills stood in her queen attire, a deep burgundy dress decorated with black delicate lacy trim and a train only worthy of a queen. Her makeup sporting the dark Smokey eye that you didn’t realise you’d missed all these years. Looking the exact same as you recall all those years ago. Content to watch from afar until she pounced.

Within an instant her purple smoke wrapped itself around your form, skilfully tying you with deep purple silks and removing any clothing you had on. Anyone stupid enough to stalk the queen would be punished. “Oh, look at you. All tied up and ready to be punished.” In the dimly lit room you should’ve felt fear, embarrassment or well shame yet all you could do is drink in the sight of the women before you. As regal as ever the evil queen scanned over your form as everything clicked into place. Her little stalker.

“Hm what a naughty little stalker you’ve been. Following me for years thinking I would let you get away with it. Hiding in the shadows like a desperate little whore” the raven haired queen husked taking calculated steps towards you, never once losing your eye contact. You aren’t yourself, that’s your excuse. She knows. Of course she knew. She’s the evil queen. Yet you still can’t help but try to gain some control here, “i’ve been very bad. i think i need to be punished. “

“You have the nerve to stalk me, to act like nothing more than a bitch in heat desperately trying to gain my attention and then demand what I will do with you?” Her words were accompanied with a flick of her wrist causing a blindfold to be snuggly situated around your head covering your eyes, “do I need to gag you too? Or will you be a good little play toy and learn your place?”

“I’ll be good your majesty” you mumbled thoughtfully, after years of watching her it was clear you are on thin ice here. Perhaps this was what you needed. Her to use and abuse you so your own selfish carnal need to be around her would leave. It wasn’t uncommon for the queen to bed many a people in her time of reign, men and women alike had come and gone through her chambers. And well, this had to be a dream. “Oh a cleaver play thing I have” she praised in thought before taking measured steps to reach your bound body and drag it into position. From there she made short work of her dress and exposing her warm core to the room. “Kneel” she commanded, smirking as your body fell willingly into position, “be a dear and make your queen cum and cum hard or I’ll lock you up somewhere no one would even dream of finding a pathetic stalker like you.”

Without needing to be told twice you immediately found your way to her dripping cunt and began to kiss lick and suck every inch of her. You’d imagined tasting her many times before but nothing compared to the real thing. Addicting. No wonder you’ve been after her for so long. Not being able to see the pleasure you were bestowing on her was irritating at best, but then again you didn’t need to. You’d seen her naked body many times over the years in Storybrook. Watching her change or just fresh out of the shower lotioning her smooth gorgeous skin was forever burnt into your memory.

“Such a good slut making her queen feel so good” Regina mewled at a particularly harsh suck to her sensitive bundle of nerves causing you to hum against her soaked folds, arms struggling against the magical silks binding your arms. “Oh does the pathetic whore want to touch her queen?” She teased noticing your squirming, “such a slut for your queen I bet you’d let me keep you forever, personal sex doll for me to use. You’d be the perfect choice wouldnt you?”

When she came, you’d never been more grateful for your attention to detail. Learning quickly what she wanted and her body’s silent cues causing a gush of sweetness to reward your hard effort. It didn’t matter you were uncomfortable, that your tongue had long since grown tired and your knees numb because she may as well be your own personal brand of drug. A sharp tug at your hair demanding you move causing you to mumble in your submissive gaze “Reality is even better than my dreams.”

Your words caught the queen off guard for a second before she murmured a spell to herself to produce a magically enchanted stap on, “silly girl, whores like you need a good fucking to set you back on the right path. Maybe you’ll learn to ask rather than watch like a creep.” Her words stung, you couldn’t help the desire to see her all the time, to know her routines and what she looked like underneath her clothes. It’s really her fault for being too damn sexy. Sex on legs as you called her in private. Due to your sight being taken away, you stumbled as Regina rose to her full height to bend you over the desk you just ate her out on. Hips being slammed onto her desk as she grew impatient, “behave little girl or I’ll leave you here like this, a good for nothing slut for anyone to use. Pathetic.”

Without giving you time to even consider her words you felt the head of a faux cock pressing against your slit, “your majesty! I can’t. I’ve never” you whimpered pitifully. “Oh so filthy pathetic and a virgin? Even more reason to make you mine” she decided out loud and you knew there was no point in pretending you didn’t want her to be your first. “Hold still dear, it hurts more if you move” was her only warning, a moment of tenderness showing how poorly the king had treated her to the trained eye, before she slowly pressed her hips into yours. The toy slipping into your soaking cunt, stretching you out in ways you never knew it could.

“Oh fuck Regina!” You cried out dazed at the full feeling she’d given you. A harsh smack to your right ass cheek and a harsh reminder of you losing your place, “it’s your majesty bitch” before starting to slip out of your pussy only to slam back in, moaning at the feel of your virgin walls suffocating her shaft. “Mine.” She growled “sweet filthy stalker. All mine.”

“All yours majesty! Please please more” you whined taking her now brutal thrusts as pain morphed into white hot pleasure, “want to be yours. Make me yours.” As if the woman needed encouragement. You were hers. Now and forever. “Silly girl, I’m never letting you leave. Ever” she moaned before moving her lips to kiss your shoulder sweetly. Instinctively you leaned your head to the side, allowing her access to your smooth neck as you took everything she had to give. Only when the queen sunk her teeth into to junction between your neck and shoulder did you finally let go, covering the magical shaft in your warm cum, inner walls milking it dry as she tries to prolong your orgasm. “Mine” is all she offers as she slips from your abused core and releases the magical ties.

Laying there on her floor, little room she often hides out in to be alone with her magical books, away from home you hazily rake your eyes over your wife. “Mm so sex on legs” you mumble as she works to magically clean up and change her outfit. “I take it you liked that darling?” Liked would be an understatement, you mentioned before how much you loved her outfits and well the role play was her idea to try out. “Mm Gina so good” you whimpered feeling her magic dress you in a loose shirt, “snuggle?”

If you’d told anyone. That mayor mills, the evil queen was a snuggler no one would believe you. Then again no one in the enchanted forest believed you when you said all those daily visits to the castle would make her notice you. Her sweet little stalker, saviour of her heart, a simple farmers daughter.

Word count~ 1868

[teecupangel]

I love your works and I saw mention of an idea for Desmond to be reborn as Abbas and now I'm just like "oh god that timeline was never gonna stay the same" because I can see Desmond thinking about following the normal timeline then remembering he'd have to be mean to Altair for years and one day kill Malik and he just goes "fuck that"

Thank you!

There’s this villainess story (the title escapes me atm) where the villainess is trying hard to be evil but the main love interest can see that she’s trying her best and finds it adorable.

I’m kinda imagining that’s the kind of setup we’ll have with a Desmond who is trying so hard to try be mean to Altaïr.

Like, the biggest open secret in all of Masyaf is that Abbas Sofian, for whatever reason, pretends he hates Altaïr’s guts when he’s always the most worried whenever Altaïr leaves for a mission and can spot when Altaïr is just a little bit off and immediately believes he’s tired.

Altaïr is the only one to call him Desmond and he’s going along with this because… uuhhh… Altaïr honestly doesn’t know.

A day after Altaïr got the scar on his lips after protecting Desmond from a freak accident while they were training, Desmond proclaimed that he hated Altaïr and that he was just pretending to be believe Altaïr’s lies that his father had killed himself in front of Altaïr.

Altaïr would have believed it had it not been for the fact that Desmond was crying and obviously forcing himself to say those things.

Altaïr assumed that Desmond was trying to pull away from him because he felt guilty for Altaïr’s scar which was stupid because it was Altaïr who pushed Desmond out of the way and got himself hurt due to his own weakness.

And…

Desmond was so cute when he tries so hard to pretend that he hates Altaïr.

Malik is on the sideline, just staring at the two of them like the big idiots that they were.

[intheshadowsbehindyou]

Heyyy love you’re work! I strive to be a good writer like yourself one day! I was thinking how would the mercs react to a goth person like myself:) it’s okay if you don’t wanna do this! Have a love day!

I think to sum it up, all of them are completely clueless and stupid but could care less.

The TF2 Mercs reacting to a reader who is goth

WARNING: stupid idiots

Scout:

- Huh… A little interested occasionally, looking up and down you while he thinks you’re not looking. Not really much of a reaction other than the typical awkward glances people give goths to admire them for a spilt second.

- Has no fucking clue what kind of style that is. It isn’t his preference for sure but it looks good on you and that’s all that matters. Bullies you for something completely unrelated to the fact you’re goth probably.

- “Hey! Nice fuckin’ shirt chucklehead! Where’d you get that one? Grandma’s couch?” He says when he sees you in a somewhat ‘conforming’ outfit for once. He’s gotten so used to you wearing your usual, that he doesn’t hesitate to pick on you for not being edgy enough. It’s a pride issue for him. Normally Scout would wear stuff shamelessly and the fact you aren’t yourself right now is giving him vibes that you might have grown insecure in some way. He genuinely thinks this’ll help you. Backwards elementary school logic.

- He can’t show appreciation without being a massive fucking dickhead. It’s a certified scout L moment. At least his heart is in the right place I guess?

————————————————————————-

Solider:

- Ingeniously freaks the fuck out because he thinks you’re one of Merasmus’ weird ghost apparitions. Nearly grabs you and beats the shit out of you in fear because he owes that wizard around $200 after a grenade-down-the-toilet incident and he doesn’t want to pay. Engineer and Pyro have to pull him off you. I am literally so sorry.

- “MOTHER OF JUDAH, PRIVATE! YOU LOOK LIKE A MORTUARY ASSISTANT BATHED IN BLEACH!” He announces. You have no idea if that was a compliment or not. It’s hard to tell. Soldier then quickly assumes you’re a weird offshoot of the hippie culture and you’re here to sell him weed. Aaahh there it is. Blissful stupid ignorance.

- After promptly explaining what you are, he nods slowly. Slapping you on the back heartily. “ALRIGHT PRIVATE! You’re clear. Didn’t know there was such thing as a goth.. Hippies sure are getting creative.” Idiot. Complete moron. Still thinks you’re a weird looking hippie. Just one who won’t sell him weed nor harbor the evil tendencies of one. What are these evil tendencies he speaks of? He can’t answer you.

——————————————————————-

Demoman:

- Ignores you completely. You’re just another person to him with their own preferences in attire. This guy still gets stares in the supermarket for being a massive black dude. He knows what it’s like to stand out, explosively. Get it?

- Well.. At first he ignores you. But if you insist on wearing your style on the battlefield he’ll be a little impressed to say the least. Demoman likes confidence. He whistles to get your attention from the backlines and raises a drink to you. “Keep at it! Show ‘em with your damned fangs! Maul those wee willy fucks straight to the—“ He gets hit by a train mid taunt. You stare blankly at the sight. Deadass no clue how to respond. You’re in awe at his lack of self preservation for one thing.

- Demoman is in the kitchen that night drinking god knows what brand of alcohol this time. He sees you and goes “AAAYY! There’s that crazy son of a betch wit’ the victorian thing goin on. Cheers to you.” He compliments. It’s not a heckle. It’s genuine admiration for your shamelessness. Being weird in that way is the easiest way to get on his good side.

——————————————————————-

Engineer:

- No response. Much like Demoman’s lack of response. Looks at you for maybe two seconds then looks away to avert any suspicions he’s trying to be rude. Calls you stupid nicknames like ‘ghost getter’ and “Weirdest display of caltholicsm he’s ever seen.’ …. Wait a second that last one wasn’t a nickname.

- You’ll rarely get any comments about the matter to him. He’s too busy with other stuff to make fun of something so particular. Especially something that doesn’t concern him. (Not to say he doesn’t love insulting people’s looks from time to time. But you’re a teammate! You’re on his side!) If you have a counterpart on the enemy team then by god he won’t hold back on the roasts. Everybody gets fuckin’ spat upon regardless of who they are. He makes fun of everybody equally.

- Asks you if his creations are nifty. For some reason he mistakes you with Steampunk full on old dad style because he’s “heard about ‘em darn tootin kids and their crazy fashion in the newspapers.” And thinks he’s somehow relating to you. That you have a common interest. You have to suppress your laugh here. Same energy as pokey-man. Cornflake’s confused but he has the spirit. The whole culture explained to him is when he starts fucking assuming you’re catholic by the way.

———————————————————-

Heavy:

- Concerned at first. “Who in your family is died..?” He asks after awkward silence on the bench. He has his eyebrow raised in intrigue. “Was it murder? Heavy will crush them for you.” He offers. He had good experiences with you beforehand so he has no reason not to offer such things. Heavy mistakes your attire for mourning attire.

- You sheepishly explain to this old dude why you were sporting full on black. Expecting a weird or strong response back. To your surprise he just shrugs and looks away again with a gruff “Hm.”

- He then looks at you again after a few more minutes and sluggishly asks you a barrage of typical old man questions when they don’t understand something dark and gritty. “So do you live in a big haunted mansion?” “Do you have some pet bats? Do you like scary music?” “What do you do as a hobby when you’re this?” And other things in broken english. Each answer seems to get through to him and make him either nod or shrug. He’s very cooperative and trying to understand. Seems to not like the idea of himself sporting such things and feels the need to mention that to you for some reason. Give this guy a makeover and he’ll begrudgingly cooperate.

——————————————————————

Pyro:

- Pyro gasps childishly when he sees you. Each little spot of black or dark hue on you is showing up the direct opposite in their point of view. You have rainbow hair, rainbow everything. They think you’re a candy princess/prince/monarch that’s come on a white stallion. They’re giddy with excitement and jump up and down. Clapping their hands.

- You’re throughly confused. But you figured it was because Pyro had never seen someone wear something like this before. “It’s goth, Pyro. You like it?” You ask. Pyro glomps you. Straight up fucking hug tackles you and spins you around like an unfortunate house cat who’s just been spotted in the street by a stranger.

- You’ve become the rainbow unicorn candy ruler of all imagination and happiness and you don’t know how or why but you accept your fate. Pyro has made you a throne out of candy wrappers and you feel guilty often if you don’t use it. You got to admit a lot of unnecessary work went into that thing. Same with the crown he provided you. (It’s an actual crown made of diamonds and you don’t wanna know where they got it.)

—————————————————————————

Sniper:

- You swear you just saw a shocked blush crawl across his face. But he looked away before you could take a good look behind those sunglasses of his. Sniper’s unironically attracted to the aesthetic on other people and he secretly thinks it’s a fine piece of art but isn’t willing to admit it. He always had a thing for edginess and overall darkness. Sniper listens pretty frequently to early rock on his camper’s radio and doesn’t shy away from the occasional greaser jacket.

- “Nice look, mate..” He says on one of his good days. He plays off as indifferent and nonchalant but you can tell he’s hiding his slight interest in being your friend. Every little attempt to ignore you reeks of ‘come get me.’ Sniper’s social ineptitude is just sad at this point. Eventually you just shake your head and smile lovingly and accept his stupid efforts. Your suspicions are eventually proven correct when he accepts a drink with you.

- Hyperfixates on you like you’re some sort of fucking anime character. Can’t get the way you express yourself out of his head. You’re the most colorful thing in this godforsaken desert and that says a lot because you wear black.

—————————————————————————

Medic:

- No. No. no. Anything but him. ANYTHING BUT HIM. DEAR GOD PLEASE!!

- Prepare to get bombarded by a tsunami of questions that extend into two hours. Medic cannot control his curiosity and at one point asks you multiple times if you’re a demon or something because of how excited he is. The others rarely see him act like a puppy this much. His evil autism is activated. Turn tail and run. He’s sort of bouncing on his heels. It kinda reminds you of Pyro.

- “Oohohohoho! What an extraordinary specimen! Your oddities will surely aid in my understanding of how psychology works! Here! Sign this paper that says you acknowledge any drugs I pump into you aren’t supported by the FDA!” He hands you a clipboard and bounces again wildly. His happiness is rather contagious and you blindly sign it because you’re too focused on his child like energy and how adorable it is. He’s like a teenage girl who’s seen her fucking idol for the first time. “You see our aesthetics and personal preferences for color appear quite differently from person to person and depending on how you grew up—!” He goes on a psychology rant.

—————————————————————————-

Spy:

- He’s judging you. It’s as clear as day. He’s walking around you and examining your attire with his hands behind his back. As if you were some prized show breed who was being accessed for the finals. He lifts an arm up, tsks when he sees the seams in your clothing and disappointedly glares at you. Then just straight up walks away. By far one of the weirdest responses you’ve ever gotten. But then again should you be surprised? Spy is a drama queen and all you needed to do was take one good look at him to know that.

- Next thing you know, you have an entire box full to the brim of more gothic clothes off to the side of your bed when you wake up the next day. There wasn’t any letter nor indication of who it was. Which rather indirectly told you who it was. All the clothing was super, super expensive and straight up unreachable in some way. You find it especially alarming how it’s basically an entire box of things you personally expressed wanting to the other guys but couldn’t obtain due to the price. You swore Spy wasn’t there during that time.

- Ugh.. Of course. It’s all clear to you now. He hated the state of your current clothing and to save his poor snobbish eyes he bought you an entire wardrobe of it, he even bothered making outfits folded nearly together and they made sense. Which made you hate him more.

[creadigol]

iff you want could you maybe continue this? this ask is a request ofc and idk if you do continuation, so if you don't want to then it's okay!! ^_^

Hey y’all! Apologies for the long absence, but I’m back in town and have finally come up with a continuation of my Hero Domestic Violence/Abuse snippet. 

I have had many requests to continue this one so I spent a lot of time trying to make it good! 

As before, there are very heavy mentions of such topics stated above in this snippet as well as mentions of violence, emotional abuse and choking. Please be safe my darlings! I love y’all!

Part 1

Hero must have blacked out or entered into some sort of daze, because the next thing they knew Hero was sitting on an exam table in what must have been one of Villain's many bases. 

Though the room itself was no doubt a medical facility, Hero knew this by the various medical equipment and smell of antiseptic, but there was a certain ambiance about the room which did not match any hospital or medical offices Hero had been to before…and Hero had been to many. 

If Hero only ever went to one, people would catch on. So Spouse was always sure to bring Hero to a different facility every time. 

Everytime. 

God, this was a mess. 

This room wasn’t lit like typical exam rooms. Rather than harsh fluorescents of busy ER rooms the lights held a warm sunlit-type glow. Welcoming, yet still bright enough to see. Instead of the stupid grey-white walls which everyone had switched to in the early 2000’s, it was bright wood paneling. Oak of some kind, Hero guessed. It complimented the warm glow quite nicely. 

And it was warm! So warm! Villain must have had the heat up to at least 75 and Hero was basking in it! 

At home, Spouse kept the heating down to 65, due to their powers causing them to run hot. Hero didn’t mind of course, they understood, but it did cause Hero to feel cold constantly. They had never had much in the bodyfat department and there was more than one night when Hero would go and take a bath just to unclench their frozen muscles. 

Until Spouse complained about the water bill that is. 

Taking stock once more of the room they were in, Hero noticed that the main door had been left open by a crack. Not that they could have gotten up and run out, not with their side, but they wondered if Villain had done this to make them feel more comfortable. 

Speaking of Villain, they had yet to reappear. Villain and Henchman had helped Hero to a car after the rather embarrassing display on the rooftop and once they had made it to this base, deposited Hero here and left. That had been about twenty minutes ago. 

Maybe they were planning something nefarious? What if this was a kidnapping? Honestly, this was the weakest Hero had ever been in front of Villain. It would be easy, tricking them into willingly walking into a trap with the promise of medical help…Hero had been a mess after all. Supervillain wouldn’t have hesitated in killing Hero on the spot. 

But then again, Villain was not Supervillain. Hero had seen Villain display acts of humanity on several occasions. Sure, they broke the law and believed their government to be the ultimate evil, but they never went in for harming those who didn’t deserve it. 

Didn’t deserve it? God, Hero was starting to think like Villain. No one deserved to be hurt. That was Hero’s motto. 

Things really were confusing right now.

Maybe they should just go home. Surely, Spouse would understand why they didn’t answer their texts for the past few hours. An hour of yelling tops and then Spouse would see the error of their ways and apologize and try to make up for the original fight in the first place by a heated night of…

Hero stopped that train of thought. No, this had to stop. Hero had to get out of the relationship and start thinking straight again…but, then again, Spouse held all the cards. The apartment and car were in Spouse’s name, their bank account was joint, the phone plan was set up by Spouse because they could negotiate better on cellular deals…not to mention, Spouse was more powerful than Hero. Much more powerful than Hero. Even back at the Academy Hero had never won at hand to hand against them. It was what made them seem so strong and confident and…perfect at the time. 

Hero suddenly realized what they were doing and how it would not end well. There was no way Villain could hold against Spouse when it really came down to it. Spouse was constantly bragging about how if Villain had been assigned to them and not Hero, the problem would have been resolved years ago. Hero didn’t want that on their conscience. 

Perhaps they should look at the texts…just to assess the situation. Damage control. 

They picked up their phone. 

As the screen lit up a voice interrupted Hero before they could look at the no doubt anger fueled words. 

“Hero,” Villain stood in the doorway holding gauze, antiseptic, a board of some kind and an ice pack. “Sorry, had a hard time finding an ice pack that was the right size. We’ve gotta get that swelling down on your neck or else you’ll never be able to harass me with those classic witty comebacks again.” 

Though it was said jovially, Hero could sense the hardness behind the tone. Not to mention the look of hatred as Villain glanced at the phone. 

Wanting to respond, but not being able to, Hero nodded once. 

“Great!” Villain strode over and placed everything on the side table. Picking up the board, Hero saw it was a dry erase. Villain handed it to them along with a red marker. 

“Henchman uses this to put up daily reminders for everyone. They thought it would serve for you to tell us what ails you.” Villain glanced back at the door, “They wanted to come in and help, but I didn’t know if you would want that. Figured I’d ask first.” 

Hero couldn’t help the small smile. They had always liked Henchman. Like Villain, they certainly had committed their fair share of crimes and violence, but they also seemed to live by a code. Unlike Supervillain. 

If it hadn’t been for Henchman, Hero was sure they would have passed out on that rooftop and who knows who would have found them if that happened. Hero uncapped the marker. 

Henchman can come in. 

Villain smiled, “Anyone ever tell you your penmanship is crazy good? God, it’s like looking at Victorian script.” 

 They turned towards the doorway once more, “They said it’s fine Henchman!” 

In an instant Henchman was walking through the door. They must have been just waiting on the other side. 

“Hey Hero,” they said. “Hope you’re doing better.” 

Hero nodded at Henchman. 

“Good,” Henchman looked between Hero and Villain for a moment, it looked like they were debating who to talk to next. They settled on both of them. “Looks like it’s just going to be us. Doctor said they couldn’t make it until morning. Still at that conference.” 

Villain nodded as if they knew this was going to be the case and addressed Hero. 

“Anything serious? Or are you okay to wait for the Doc?” 

Hero thought for a moment. Their neck should be fine with the ice, their jaw had certainly been hit harder, but their side…

I think everything is fine, but I’m not sure about my side.  Hero wrote. They gestured to their left side as Villain and Henchman read the script. 

“Alright, let's take a look then. Shirt off.” Villain ordered. 

Hero hesitated. Oh, right. To look at their side, Villain would have to have their shirt off. And to take off their shirt was to expose the…history written across their chest, back and torso. 

Hero was shy about their body. Sure, there was the occasional scar made by Spouse, but most of them were from past fights while Hero had been off hero-ing. They knew it was an occupational hazard, but they also knew it wasn’t great to look at. God only knew the many times Spouse had commented on their unsightly appearance during their intimate times. 

Villain seemed to notice the hesitation and said, “What? It’s not like I haven’t seen it all in this line of work. You should have seen Henchman last month. Supervillain’s Henchman got ‘em pretty bad.”

Henchman nodded, “Not pretty. Gained me a few cool new scars though.” 

Cool new scars, huh? Perhaps it won’t be so bad. 

Hero took off their shirt slowly. It was difficult and painful at first, as it zipped in the back, but Henchman wordlessly walked to the other side of the bed and helped. Villain supporting Hero’s side as they undid the clasp and unzipped. 

“Want to take off the mask as well?” Henchman asked. 

Hero made a face. 

“We’ve already seen your face. Remember? Three months ago it fell off while we were grappling in the snow.” Villain smirked. 

Hero peeled the mask off. They had forgotten about that. The snow had made the normally sticky mask slide off. It was something they had never told Spouse. 

Once deprived of their shirt and mask, Villain took a step back and surveyed the damage. Hero tried not to squirm under the gaze. 

Hero expected Villain and Henchman to make disgusted noises or grunts of anger at their bruised up side and swollen jaw, along with their neck, but instead Villain looked calculating. A slight hint of irritation coming though with their twitching eyebrow. 

“Alright, I’ll have to feel those ribs. They don’t look broken, but it’s best to make sure.”

Hero nodded their permission to Villain and tried to sit straight. 

“No, no, don’t straighten up yet,” Villain flew to their side. They placed one hand on hero’s back while the other poked and prodded their ribs. 

Everytime Hero hissed or flinched, Villain apologized and would move onto another part. It was strange. This whole night was strange. Hero had never seen Villain act this way before. Sure they had their own scruples, but Villain was never…gentle. 

Henchman stood off to the side looking rather anxious as Villain examined Hero. That was another strange thing. Why did they both seem to care?

“Well, good news, they’re not broken. Bad news, I’ll still have to wrap them.” 

Henchman immediately grabbed some wrappings from the cupboard behind them and handed them to Villain. 

“So, Hero,” Villain began as they tightly wrapped their ribs. “Want to tell us how this happened? We need to know if we’re going to treat your injuries effectively.” 

Once again Hero could tell Villain was stating things conversationally for their benefit. Hero made no move for the marker board. 

“We already know who did it, all I want to know is how,” Villain continued. 

Hero thought back. It had seemed like a haze when it happened. All the adrenaline and fear. The normal evening that went from good to horrific. The slight mess up on Hero’s part, the yelling, the grabbing, the throwing…the hands. The hands on their person…the hands on their neck…

Hero felt tears slip past their eyes once more, the sadness and fear coming back. Their jaw shook with unshed sobs. 

They felt the marker and board being pressed into their hands. 

“You don’t need to push yourself. I just need to know what to check on you,” Villain’s voice was soothing and once again uncharacteristically gentle. 

Hero shook as they wrote; the script that Villain had complimented earlier suffered for it. 

It’s never been this bad. Hero wrote. 

They knew it was a cliche response, but they also needed Villain and Henchman to know that it had never gone this far before. Henchman made a noise in the back of their throat as they read the words.

“How bad?” Villain prodded. 

Before, Hero hesitated in writing. How could they word this? 

Before I could always justify it as my fault. I mess up alot. I’m not so good at relationships. 

They waited for them to read this before erasing for more room. Villain had their jaw set and Henchman’s cheeks were getting red. 

I know it’s stupid. I know it’s bad. I just wanted to pretend it away. That was easier. I’m not stupid, I know what’s happening. 

Villain nodded at the words. Hero didn’t know why they were starting out like this. There was just a part of them that needed Villain and Henchman to know that they were still competent. Despite putting themselves in this situation, they weren’t stupid. There was just so much more going on. 

“I don’t think you’re stupid Hero. I never have. I meant it when I said you’re the best this city’s ever seen,” Villain said this while not breaking eye contact or blinking. As if the stare itself would get the words into Hero’s brain.

Hero nodded with a small smile. They needed that. 

They’ve never gone so far before. The other times, I knew I would recover. But this time…Hero stopped writing again. Once again looking for words. They let Villain and Henchman read. 

“What happened this time?” Henchman asked softly. Hero couldn’t tell if the softness was for comfort or if they were so angry they couldn’t raise their voice higher. 

This time, Hero spelled, I really thought they’d kill me.

Their hands shook terribly now and they had to stop and take a breath. 

Villain looked up at the ceiling for a moment while Henchman turned around. It seemed this news really affected them. 

“How?” Villain once again looked Hero in the eyes. They didn’t even try to hide the anger now. 

I can’t remember everything. I know I was thrown into our coffee table. Spouse hit me in the face, Hero paused and let them read while gesturing to their jaw. 

Villain nodded for them to continue. 

They’ve never tried to choke me before… Hero couldn’t seem to finish that one. 

“I understand,” Villain said. “Anything else?” 

Hero thought for a moment and then shook their head. That had been the most of it. The violence itself had only lasted a couple minutes, but it had been the most painful couple minutes of their life. Not only physically, but emotionally. They had never felt so betrayed. 

“Are you going to leave them?” Henchman asked. Hero looked at them and noticed fear in their eyes. Henchman was very concerned with Hero’s answer. Villain made a gesture at Henchman, but they were undeterred. 

“Are you going to leave them?” Henchman repeated. 

Hero uncapped the marker again. 

I want to. 

“But you feel you can’t,” Villain finished the sentence for Hero. 

Hero nodded. 

It never ends well. I know I need to, but they hold all the cards. Hero shrugged sadly. 

“Who cares?” Henchman said angrily. “So they have your money or whatever? That’s not worth you!”

Hero was touched by the sentiment, but felt the need to explain. 

It’s not only that. They’re more powerful than me. More powerful than anyone really. I shouldn’t even be here. The last time someone tried to help…it was bad.

Villain felt their blood freeze, “What do you mean more powerful?” 

It was hard to think of anyone more powerful than Hero. Except themselves of course. 

“Who tried to help?” Henchman asked at the same time. 

Hero grimaced, 

Do you remember Other Hero?

“Oh god,” Henchman whispered. 

“Your Spouse did that?” Villain asked, shocked. 

Hero nodded. 

I don’t know what they will do to anyone else, or the city itself if I’m not there. I hate it, but it’s the only way I know to protect everyone. 

They looked at Hero to continue.

I knew it was bad not long after our second anniversary, but by then Spouse was too dangerous. They need to be in jail, not only for me, but for everyone else they’ve hurt. I just don’t know anyone who can take them. 

Villain made a noise, but Hero raised a hand to silence them while they wrote more. 

In a way this is my ultimate sacrifice to protect my city.

“Hero,” Villain breathed. 

Henchman looked like they had tears in their eyes, “Hero, I’m going to hug you now if that’s alright.” 

Hero looked at Henchman quizzically, but nodded. 

Henchman wrapped their arms around Hero carefully and squeezed with a force that was both powerful, yet calming. 

“You really are the best the city’s ever seen,” Henchman spoke against Hero’s hair. “All this time you’ve been living in hell and it was to protect all of us.” 

Hero released more tears. They patted Henchman awkwardly on the back. 

“They’ve always been a hugger,” Villain chuckled as they watched the scene. “If you can’t tell, Henchman has been a fan of yours for a while.”

Henchman released them with an undignified HEY at Villain. Villain shrugged and turned their attention back to Hero. 

“Hero, I don’t care what danger it might put us in. I knew this was going to be messy the moment I saw you on the roof. Anyone who can take you on is going to be a threat. I knew that and helped you anyway.” 

Hero nodded at Villain’s words. 

“But what I need to know now is who Spouse really is. I don’t think I’m far off in thinking that they’re a part of the hero agency?” 

Hero nodded, there was hesitation in their eyes.

“And they’re more powerful than the other heroes.” 

Hero looked down, but nodded again. 

“And you two went to the academy at the same time didn’t you?” 

Hero winced and nodded. 

“And came to the city at the same time.” 

Hero closed their eyes and nodded. 

“Villain, what are you getting at?” Henchman asked slowly. In their voice Hero could tell they were on the same train of thought, but didn’t want to believe it. 

“Hero,” Villain waited for Hero ‘s red rimmed eyes to look up and meet their gaze. “You’re married to Superhero aren't you?” 

Hero nodded. 

“Shit.” Henchman said. 

Hero nodded their agreement. 

There was silence while everyone processed the news, Villain and Henchman the knowledge and Hero for sharing it. Finally Villain broke it. 

“Well,” they clapped their hands together, “Here’s what we’re going to do. Tonight we do nothing.”

“Hero, tonight I want you to focus on yourself. I know you want to look at your phone, but maybe hold off until tomorrow morning, yeah?” Hero made to protest, but Villain continued. 

“Look at it like this. You said this is how you protect the city. Now I don’t doubt that, especially knowing who Spouse is; but I want you to picture it like you're on a sinking ship. Lots of people need saving, but you can’t exactly help them into the lifeboats if you yourself are still in the water.” 

Hero wrinkled their eyebrows. 

“You’ve got to climb into the lifeboat first before you can pull anyone else in.” 

Hero was taken aback. That was…that was…really good advice. 

Villain smiled, “So for tonight, leave the phone and get some rest. We can make a plan tomorrow about what to do. You’re no longer in this alone. I don’t want someone like Spouse protecting my city.” 

“You’re not alone in this anymore,” Villain reiterated. 

Hero couldn’t help the smile on their lips or the hope in their chest. They weren’t alone in this. Perhaps this time, Superhero really could be caught. Hero could stop pretending. They suddenly felt so tired.

Seeing this, Henchman helped Hero lay down and placed the thin, long ice pack on their bruised neck.  

“I’ll stay here a while, there’s an all night Friends marathon on right now,” Henchman nodded to the TV on the wall, “I always fall asleep during that show.” 

Hero knew Henchman just wanted to keep an eye on them in case their throat swelled anymore, but they appreciated the company. It had been a while since they had people around them that knew everything and still wanted to be with them. They nodded. 

“Great,” Henchman walked over to the television to get it started. Villain followed them. 

“Once they fall asleep initiate plan orange,” Villain whispered so Hero wouldn’t hear. Henchman kept flipping through channels, but Villain saw their eyes harden a moment. 

“Are you sure?” They whispered back. 

Villain nodded as they looked at the channel guide.“Yes. Tell Supervillain we have a mutual enemy,” Villain glanced back at Hero, “And the key to defeat them. Once and for all.”

[vintagetvstars]

David McCallum Vs. David Selby

Propaganda

David McCallum - (The Man From U.N.C.L.E, Colditz, The Outer Limits) - He became one of the hottest leading men of 1960s tv with The Man from U.N.C.L.E., and McCallum received more fan mail than any other actor in Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer's history, including such popular MGM movie stars as Clark Gable and Elvis Presley. He turned his Russian character from side-kick to co-star in one season during the height of the cold war. Artists wrote hit camp songs about his character like "Love Ya, Illya"

David Selby - (Dark Shadows, Falcon Crest) - VERY handsome. 16 magazine had articles about him for a reason. Does such a good job as Quentin, every moment he's onscreen is a delight. He's funny, he's evil, he's Going Thru It, he's being stupid, WHATEVER it is he's great at it. So tall in the 1960s you can clearly see him having to duck through some doorways onscreen, and still pretty darn tall as an old man. (I actually just met him recently and got his autograph, he was very nice!) If tumblr was around in the 1960s he would have been prime tumblr sexyman material.

Master Poll List | How to submit propaganda | What is vintage? (FAQ)

Additional propaganda below the cut

David McCallum:

Everyone knows him as Ducky from NCIS or Ashley Pitt from The Great Escape, but David McCallum was also the original Man From UNCLE, for which role he recieved record setting amounts of fan mail. Was considered to play the Doctor. Charles Bronson stole his first wife, but his second marriage lasted over 55 years, until his death, so who's the winner here.

He became an expert on forensics during his time with JAG/NCIS and attended multiple medical examiner conventions for research.

A classically trained musician, he created several instrumental albums in the 60's his biggest hit is a cover of The Edge which has appeared in movies and video games and sampled by rap artists.

David Selby:

Dark Shadows was a daily soap opera in the 60's and that means that unless an actor swore or something truly heinous happened all mistakes are just there for our viewing pleasure.

Here have this video of his character and another dude right after trying to summon the devil

I love David Selby and I love David Selby as Quentin Collins (all of them). He plays the tragic, disaster, self-absorbed "hero" so well and is one of the original wet cat men of TV.

Also this incredibly gay scene of those two characters

TW: Gypsy Slur

[wndstrrrry]

trip to paris

the ride to paris felt eternal.

those three hours gave him enough time to contact pascal and tell him to wait for him at the station, to stare into the void for a few minutes and think about what he was doing and why he was doing it (for serge, he was doing this for serge.) and to regret all his life decisions.

he didn't trust gilbert out there, he had known the boy for years, and he knew one thing about him: he wasn't fit to survive in the "wild". he was supposed to stay captive, like an animal in a zoo. but at the same time, what else was he supposed to do? auguste was going to kill him eventually, and if he didn't kill him then he'd do it himself, simple as that. gilbert would grab a rope and tie it around his neck, or he would get the keys to the balcony and jump into the concrete, breaking his skull in a million little pieces, leaving a gory mess of brain matter and blood.

so, running away was the best outcome, even if serge's friend group regretted it, he didn't regret giving them extra money to escape. they had earned it.

however, he couldn't blame serge for such an impulsive decision, nor he could blame gilbert for making things complicated (but he would, because it was easier to blame gilbert for all the evil in the world than the people who ruined that little boy years ago)

once the train stopped, he stood up and made his way out, being met soon enough by biquet, he seemed relieved to see him, although his demeanor and movements indicated that something was deeply wrong. he was holding a few papers in his hands, and serge wasn't with him.

"good to see you! it's a miracle you decided to read that email, hm?" he said, letting out a bitter laugh.

rosemarine didn't laugh, he just nodded in acknowledgment.

"what does serge need from me? take me to him."

pascal's awkward smile disappeared as quickly as it came, and he let out a sigh.

"i'm sure you've heard what happened ..."

"no, i have not. that's why i asked."

"well- it's about gilbert ..."

i knew it.

he couldn't stop himself from sighing. of course gilbert would do something stupid, of course it had to do with gilbert, why wouldn't it? he loved to get in people's nerves, he loved toying with danger. of course it was about gilbert.

"we cannot contact auguste, obviously, but we needed a relative ... and-" pascal finally spoke, leading the way. rosemarine followed behind, taking a quick glance around the station, he hadn't been there in a while.

"so you called me." as if he could care less about what gilbert did, but alas ...

"correct." the brunette bit his lip, refusing to look back to see if rosemarine was following him. "thing is- there was an accident a week or so ago. serge is fine, gilbert is the issue ... you've missed a lot, you know? he's at the hospital right now, so at the very least he's not going to die, the guy is tough! he's survived quite a lot ... i'm surprised he's not dead, honestly. you should've seen him."

rosemarine arched an eyebrow at the mention of an accident. by the way pascal described it, gilbert seemed more of a victim, this wasn't collateral damage (thank god, he didn't want to pay for some expensive fine for crashing a car.) and the situation was controlled ...

"anyhow, we just need a relative to accept or decline some things and be in charge of some others, he's still seventeen after all."

and then he could go home and finish watching that damn show he started a week ago.

[tokyo-1842]

Green Thumb

Zoro X Male!Reader

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ZORO X MALE!READER

TW: Evil hornie plant, Reader is not really into it, tentacles 😨, Yeah that’s it idk.

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“Thanks again (Name)!” Usopp spoke, his voice tired from trying to place the plant in the container. “Hm no problem, but I’m still not over the fact on how YOU TAUGHT IT TO WALK!” You screeched “IM SORRY IM SORRY! I’ll get it under control by tomorrow good luck!” Usopp hurriedly said not wanting to deal with the “plant” anymore. You let out a breathy sigh and take a seat on your bed next to the jar holding the seemingly over sized red headed Venus fly trap.

The room fell silent, you leaned down to look at the jar. *Matt (DO NOT OPEN* You chuckled. Matt? Was that all he (Usopp) could think of? “Hey buddy..I was supposed to feed you.” You state. “Don’t kill me ok..”

(Name) leaned forward and tapped the glass. No response. “Great..” (Name muttered). Slowly but surely the lid was cracked open until it was fully off. “…Matt?” Nothing. “Great..! I hope your asleep” A sweat drop fell from your face.

Suddenly *CRACK*. You blinked once, twice, then realized. “Hm the glass broke you grew haha!” … “YOUR GREW! GOODNESS GRACIOUS…!” You let out a scream in terror…THAT STUPID PLANT IS GOING TO EAT YOU! (Or so you thought) “USOPP”- You look down in surprise to see Matt grew tentacles (sort of?) AND COVERED YOUR MOUTH!? A few slimy stems? Roots? Vines? You didn’t know but what you knew is that they were holding you down! “Mngh! Mghpf!” (LET GO!) Your muffled screams weren’t enough as one tentacle found its way under your shirt and pulled it up. Exposing your nipples to the cold air. How do I get it to stop! You thought. Something brushes your underside. Your (P/C) pants were ripped off and discarded like trash. “Mnngh!~” Another one of those pesky slimy vines rubbed your hole. You managed to move your head from the one covering your head. “N-no! Ah~ Im…~ Gonna kill Usopp…~ ngh..!” The vine was shoved in deep before the blink of an eye. Slimy wet sounds and your moans filled the room.

Present time:

On the deck after Zoro had finished his training and hit the showers (For once). He was walking to the kitchen to annoying that “ero cook” for sake. Until a strange…muffled noise was heard from your room of the ship. “Is he hurt or something?” Deep down even though Zoro never showed it he loved you and even fantasized about you at night. So he took a peak and was shocked to see you seem being held captive by some..plant? He wanted to go in there, slice its stupid head off and crumple that thing beneath its feat. But something told him to stay and…observe.

“N-no! Ah!~ Im…~ gonna kill Usopp…~ Ngh…!” You felt the plant stretch out your poor insides “Mngh!~ s-slow down…hah~ I’m gonna…!~” You let out a sweet moan that has Zoro’s heart all most leap out of his throat. Your cum pooled onto the floor. The plant lets out a groan. “D-don’t..Not~ inside..!~ mngh..!~”

A roar is heard before the plants pumps its fluids into your ass. “Aaah!~~ too much..~ too full.. ah..~” The plant places you on the floor, ass up face down. Readying its self for round 2, you start to tear up from the over stimulation. “Dammit what am I doing? I’ve got to help him!” Zoro grunted before charging forward at the plant. “HANDS OFF YOU PESKY WEED” He shouted before slicing it into 12. Zoro turned to your fuck out face. “(Name)? What the hell? You let this plant get the better of ya?” Zoro said. “M’ sorry…ngh~” Your ass clenching around nothing you continued “I-I…let my..hah~ guard down…” You use all your strength to speak those word as shivers from the pleasure from earlier go up your spine. “It’s alright, but one thing pissed me off..” “Mm..?” “That should’ve been me.” You stare a Zoro as your face becomes a shade of red. “Pervert…ngh~” You move your oversized shirt to cover you cum covered ass. “How much did you see..?” “Enough to make me mad..” Zoro said not wanting to embarrass you. (And potentially himself) “Now I heard you were full…hope you have some room for more..~” He grins devilishly.

Prepare to not be able to sit flat on your ass for a while.😭

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TYY FOR READING YALL THIS IS MY FIRST FANFIC EVER TELL ME WHAT YALL THINK OF IT!!

REQUEST ALWAYS OPEN!

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RANDOM COOL GIFS😯 ( These will always be at the end of fanfics cause why not)

[miwhotep]

I now feel that it's time to bring this analysis back since I still see the topic coming back again and again. I already did a longer version of this back in my early days of joining the fandom here, but now I do a shorter one again.

MILVERTON WAS NOT STUPID IN TWO CRIMINALS. HE WAS INCONSISTENTLY WRITTEN.

Because everything related to his plan in the last chapter was completely against of how he acted before that. Let me explain it in four points.

1, The one thing people always bring up - not knowing about Sherliam

I will be honest, this is what bothers me the least and if that would be the only thing I could list, I wouldn' even keep ranting on the topic. But still, even this doesn't make any sense.

Milverton knew about Mary's past in France (France!!) and as a media mogul and blackmailer who lives from information, he wouldn't know about Sherliam? Come on, the train incident where the celebrity detective Sherlock solves a crime with a noble would totally end up on the cover of the newspapers - "the great detective and the aristocrat: an unexpected crime-solving duo!" - because there is no way this could be kept as a secret, people always gossip over things like this. Because of Sherlock Holmes, even London newspapers wrote about the case since Sherlock can make the papers sell. And it would especially end up in Milverton's noble-supported newspaper too, since with it, he could please his patrons who would be overjoyed to see a fellow noble solving a crime committed by a commoner.

Furthermore, Milverton thinking that "Holmes and Moriarty's social circles could have never collided" doesn't make any sense. Milverton dealt with Sherlock before in blackmail cases when Sherlock was hired by noblewomen to negotiate with Milverton. Also, Milverton is a prime example of that every social circle can collide - he is a commoner who takes up cases from and blackmails both nobles and commoners alike. He really shouldn't be so surprised - and really, he perfectly researched Mary's past in other country and he wouldn't be able to research if two men met when one of those meetings even needed to end up in the news? (And now I didn't even talk about the Noahtic because I don't want this analysis to last forever.)

2, Threatening William to publish his identity as the Lord of Crime

Before this one occasion, we always see Milverton using his victims' loved ones against them to make them act as he wanted - just remember the police officer, Sturridge or Whiteley. Ruskin and the bodyguards also point out that this is Milverton's tendency. Then, knowing about William's brothers, why didn't he used them against William instead of threatening his name going public? He could just say "all three of you guys will end up in my newspaper as the Lord of Crime" and William would probably rethink everything since he wouldn't want Louis to get hurt. So yes, in the most crucial case, Milverton used a different method instead of his usual, surely-working one. Changing his ways suddenly doesn't make any sense.

3, Miscalculating Sherlock

Why was Milverton so sure about Sherlock's morals that he will definitely arrest the Lord of Crime and leaves Milverton live when his entire plan was based on that Sherlock will definitely act immoral and break in his house? How could he be so sure that Sherlock won't just shoot him and takes what he want after this? Especially as a person who believes that everyone is capable of evil and has a hobby of tempting the good-hearted to sin. He was already sure that Sherlock commit at least one act against the law on that night so Milverton knew that Sherlock can be totally dragged to make questionable decisions. Like, shooting him.

4, Not caring about his own safety at all

Yes, we got to the point what angers me the most. Because Milverton travels with a shielded carriage, has two - with Ruskin, three - bodyguards who always accompany him, he always drops any case he took up for the sign of the smallest danger, so he is very serious about his safety and basically a coward. How could he face two of his greatest enemies alone? It is completely against Milverton's coward nature. We could see that even for the blackmail negotiation with Sherlock, at least, Ruskin was there with him. And what he did with Sherlock and William was also a blackmail negotiation, with people where he knows that one of them already murdered several bad people - bad people like Milverton - and the other one loathes him more than anyone else. It was an extremely dangerous situation even if he thought that he could win. Milverton would have never done something so dangerous on his own.

+1, Ruskin's absence

And here's also an additional plot hole - where was Ruskin the whole time? Ruskin, who was basically always on his boss' side. Ruskin, who loves his boss enough that even when his life was in danger, he chose to go back for Milverton into the about-to-crash house. Ruskin was not shown fighting with the others in the manga. He was completely forgotten in that chapter until he went back to the burning room to search for his boss.

And here we reached the end. For the record, yes, I know that from a writing perspective, Milverton needed to get out of the picture so the Moriarty Plan can keep going. But this could have been done without a character massacre - especially that the reasons for Milverton's inconsistent actions was never adressed. That's why other than this, I never made analysis of that chapter. There is no logic in it when it comes to Milverton.