#i love those socks and i love the roy. it is what it is such is life

[jopzer]

world's number one roykent fanboy <3

this was made as part of the royjamie fanzine let's get lost! i have a few more pieces to post so keep your eyes peeled ;) (as always, click for quality!)

[motherarts]

AFTER LONG WAIT I NOW PRESENT TO YOU (based off your wants from the poll!) dramatic pause

PUPPET HATZGANG!

[hughiecampbelle]

Succession Preference: Having a S/O With a Kid

A/N: I made the kids all different ages, from infancy to teenage, just to make it a little more interesting! I hope you like it, my love! Thank you for requesting! Feedback is appreciated!!! 💜💜💜

Connor is delighted to know that you have a child. He practically raised his siblings, being their big brother is the most important job of his life. He takes care of people. He doesn't know that much about babies, but he's an eager learner. He never wants another child in the world to feel like he has ever felt, to he loved so little for doing nothing wrong, for being born. He may or may not baby proof the entire house despite the fact that all your baby can do is maybe roll on their back they're so young. Despite him being a Roy, you're not afraid to leave them with him. He loves their little baby noises, especially their laugh. He can't get enough of their overjoyed squeal. You find Connor on the couch, warning you to be quiet. The baby's been asleep on him for hours, and he'd rather let his whole body go numb than dare wake them. He loves them like he loves you.

Kendall had two kids of his own, though you've seen from experience that he's not the most hands on father. Still, he tries to make an effort with yours, like he does his. He plays with them and their toys, whatever they're obsessed with at the moment: dinosaurs, cars, dolls, art, etc. You love to watch them bond, even if he's overthinking everything completely, like he did with his own. Kendall is so sure he's doing something wrong, that he'll ruin them the same way his father ruined him. You have to remind him a lot that he'd nothing like his father, that your child adores him. They call him Kenny and always draw pictures of him on the moon, with dinosaurs, even once as a princess. He doesn't admit it, but he's got every single one hanging on his fridge, next to his own kids old artwork. You both come with your kids, no exceptions. You wouldn't be you without them, too.

Shiv only ever dealt with teenagers when she was a teen herself and those brats were her brothers. Despite the mask she wears of cool confidence, she is actually very worried about making a good first impression on them. She loves you so much, like she's never loved anyone. She knew you had a kid going into it, but she never expected it to be serious enough for her to meet them. She changes her outfit four times. In the end, they think she's okay. That's about the best reaction either of you were hoping for. They're going through a bit of a phase atm, but they secretly think she's cool. She makes a lot of jokes to get them to laugh and enjoy her sarcasm. You tell her time and time again that they really do like her company, they're just a teenager. They're not known for showing too much interest in anything that isn't their friends and phones.

Roman has no idea what to do with your toddler. He doesn't understand why you cut up their grapes or why they enjoy stupid tv shows or why they can only wear one sock at a time, but he makes an effort in his own way. He watches those shows with them and plays with them, mostly questioning the practicality of their toy phone, and reads to them before bed/a nap. He really does like you, a lot. Anyone attached to you, he cares about, even if it's a tiny human who coughs in his face and licks his watch. They're growing on him, but they love him. Where's Ro-Ro? They ask constantly. He hates to see them cry, it breaks his heart, and will jokingly call you a monster for saying no them, even if it's for their own safety like putting their toy in the microwave or jumping on their bed. He definitely wants to spoil the hell out of them, just to hear them squeal in delight.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 2/13/2024

writing cover letters like "Market Research Firm 953989464860, will YOU be my Valentine?"

also, a fallout 4 femslash fic for femslash feb

listening

Fresh Blood by the Eels off their 2009 album Hombre Loco. i would say this is another "i think a vampire probably wrote this low, grooving track" but there are several howls featured. wikipedia says it is about a werewolf. this song sounds like it has a simple bassline and simple drums but it knows what it's about. it's probably secretly really complicated but i specced in knowing about fabric, not about music.

it makes me want to ice skate really fast and also sounds like watching broken highway lane dividers go by late at night. fascinating that the back half of the four-plus minute song is fully instrumental. definitely a song for when you are traveling, or perhaps proceeding. spotify

Sun down on the sorry day By nightlights the children pray I know you're probably gettin' ready for bed Beautiful woman get out of my head I'm so tired of the same old crud Sweet baby I need fresh blood

i've been mainlining The Black Keys' album Brothers so it makes sense this popped up on my Discover Weekly spotify playlist

-

reading

in 2015, the year i dropped out of college, the closest comic/weird nerd shit store was a forty minute drive from my house. i bought the first issue of the serialized anthology comics magazine The Island bc i liked the Moebius-esque cover by Brandon Graham, before i knew who either of those artists were or that i liked them. i think it was ten bucks, and having to show my drivers' license really sticks in my brain for some reason. the point i am slowly approaching is that the magazine only ran for fifteen issues, and i didn't buy any other copies bc ten bucks a month was too dear for me, but it was a tremendous incubator for artists i would end up loving. about half the time i stumble across a lovely self-contained book that knocks my socks off i find out it started life in The Island.

All his life, Hank Cho wanted to join the ranks of the Habsec—the rulers of the orbital habitat his people call home. But when he finds a powerful, forbidden weapon from the deep past, a single moment of violence sets his life—and the brutal society of the habitat—into upheaval. Hunted by the cannibalistic Habsec and sheltered by former enemies, Cho finds himself caught within a civil war that threatens to destroy his world. A new barbarian sci-fi adventure by SIMON ROY (PROPHET, JAN'S ATOMIC HEART, Tiger Lung), originally serialized in ISLAND MAGAZINE.

Simon Roy's Habitat asks: do you want to hear a story about a generation ship gone wrong? this is a guy who really knows how to draw mechs and all their fiddly bits and loves doing it, which is a really transferrable skill to lovingly detailing the crumbling brutalist neo-mesoamerican architecture. the Habsec cannibals and their bits and pieces of scavenged armor blend in so well, it's genuinely shocking when we see someone in full, kept up, incredibly colorful armor. gorgeous, gorgeous book. love a fucked up generation ship.

found while perusing the stacks of the library that was closest to a bunch of other admin errands i was running, bc i finally have a tx drivers license and can start collecting tx library cards

-

watching

im also asking myself why the hell i'm watching yellowstone with my bestie and her husband. it has every trigger warning and a lot of them would make me decline the experience had i looked them up beforehand. however, the inevitablilty of each little tragedy feeding into the circular threshing maw that is the Dutton family is really clicking for me. like well! that mom sure did die in the most traumatizing way possible! and wow that really does go a long way toward explaining why the daughter is self-medicating to an alarming degree AND why no one else is doing anything about it bc they're all still mad at her for being very tangential to her mom's death!

the amount of Stuff that happens per episode is truly astonishing. one of my favorite parts of the ttrpg Beamsaber is the downtime between missions, bc you get to have some really bonkers interactions with people who don't usually interact. despite its huge cast, Yellowstone doesn't yet feel incoherent or like it's jumped the shark in its first season bc it's really successful at getting its huge cast to have unexpected interactions with each other. this sounds a little bit like praising it for knowing how to be good television, but this is a neowestern about a land grab that's also a familial dynasty drama that's really leaning into the familial dynasty part of it. it would be very easy for this to become incoherent or bad at switching between storylines, but so far it's really good at it. it's not beamsaber or black sails bc nothing will ever be beamsaber or black sails but it's really scratching that itch of many small rapidly shifting factions and rapidly shifting political goals bc each child is their own horrible little faction and they have a lot of time where they're trapped in cars or helicopters together getting around their ranch, which is simply too large.

we're trying to watch the yellowstone franchise in release order, and the yellowstone prequel with tim mcgraw came out between the first and second seasons. we will not be continuing this. this is a bog standard wagon train western. cripplingly boring after the brazen insanity of the first season. also i think it is in poor taste at best and irresponsible at worst to show a suicide on screen.

i said i don't know why i'm watching this but i do know why i'm watching yellowstone, and that's bc my bestie keeps seeing tiktoks about it. sometimes im influenced in real life

-

playing

changed my sheets this week and didn't chortle at the TOP OR BOTTOM tag which is how i know im having. a brain time. another way you can tell im having a brain time are these screenshots of the Breath of the Wild map. as you may or may not remember from last week, last week i had very little of the map filled out.

now is this EXPLORED? good heavens no. i have under 40 shrines DISCOVERED. i have simply beelined to each tower and went VERY fast. or was very sneaky. the three towers i have not bothered to climb yet are the ones i would have to actually fight some guys about. fuck the akkala tower for real.

i love to accidentally get way too close to dragons and die. some fun things about this run: incredibly, exceptionally rainy. except for the stint in the literal desert and the five minutes in the snowfield it has been raining about 70% of the time, which has made climbing very annoying. another fun thing about this run: exceptionally low ancient shaft drop rate, which makes getting ancient arrows to safely kill guardians from afar very difficult. bc as discussed above i have optimized this little blond boy to be very fast and very sneaky to get up the towers very quickly in the two minute spans of time it is not raining.

another fun thing about this run: not very good at successfully spitting out riders next to horses. you can only see the tip of spinch's hat bc he is underground.

i have unlocked the elephant and the falcon, i haven't gotten much farther than finding painkillers for the goron boss and stalled out at the yiga clan stealth mission. bc despite liking being a sneaky fast sniper out in the world, i fucking hate an enforced stealth mission. i don't think i ever got past this part in my other run either.

not jacked enough to unlock the master sword, i think you need twelve hearts? i would rather have more stamina so i can get faster horses + the princess's horse.

after i unlocked a bunch of towers i spent a goofy amount of time in the Lake Floria system herself hunting for treasure chests (there are easily fifty chests in the water. wild) to get the 10k rupees to unlock the last great fairy. i also spent several real-life hours video game mining video game ore. this was deeply annoying bc i sold off all my gems to get 10k rupees and then had nothing to get those sweet sweet high level upgrades with. this was the point on sunday night where i realized i was getting irrationally annoyed with a game that is supposed to be fun, and is NOT meant to support the kind of grinding i was doing. that was enough video game for one day thank you.

did you know there's a korok in the shrine of resurrection? me either.

also did you know magnesis ACTIVATES on the windmills in Hebra but i can't figure out how to get close enough to any of them to do anything about it. annoying.

this has got to be so funny from ganons point of view. i unlocked the elephant and the falcon in under a week of in-game time and then spent several in-game months mining and collecting clothes. would that make ganon more or less anxious d'you think

making

cross stitch update. this confetti in the rover square. i am dying. here’s what it will look like finished, and a link to buy the pattern

i had such high hopes for pin stitches as a thread finishing method but i had to rip out a mistake near a pin stitch and accidentally ripped out the entire pin and single confetti cross stitch. so what the fuck. i am an insane woman who likes to fully submerge and lightly hand wash projects before they get framed to remove all the oils (yes i wash my hands before stitching, i do get paranoid) and i am not confident pin stitches will hold up to that. oh well. the loop method is pretty great in halving the number of ends i have to weave in, even though i feel like it is extremely wasteful and leaves me with lots of short useless lengths my cats would love to eat. so the gains from halving thread management are really not offset by the meticulous cat management i must embark upon every time i do my fun relaxing hobby.

and the back, which is a horror. and will only become more of a horror. but once this is framed no one will actually see it so it's FINE. i am FINE with this. i started this knowing there was going to be lots of confetti. that's the point of this masochistic pattern

i wrote the first chapter of this fic last summer and outlined the emotional beats (but not much else) while procrastinating moving and have finally lightly polished the first chapter and threw it on the archive. im trying to let things molder less and just fucking post them in the hopes this activates the writing part of my brain again but who could say what's going on up there. this is still something that hasn't quite returned to me post-covid round 2

this will eventually be an E-rated 5+1 fic fixing all the fucking bullshit around Cait Fallout4's companion quest. she will NOT go in the magic chair that tortures her into not being a junkie and being the perfect waifu. she is going to stumble backwards and accidentally into some harm reduction and get railed by a mean top. the mean top and the harm reduction won't fix her but they certainly won't hurt.

[vole-mon-amour]

3x10, a mix of everything, part 1

didn't expect it to happen that fast but HELL YEAH. there's nothing for Nathan to do next to Rupert. Rupert keeps switching his lovers like socks while his wife is still at home with their daughter. come on!! villain arc for Bex and Rebecca when? when is Rupert gonna get killed die and leave Bex all the money??? and then Bex and Rebecca become best friends and raise a daughter together?

Trent being the heart of the team? do you remember how it all started and how wary everyone was of him? do you? it warms my heart, but it warms it twice bc of the clear bond we see between Colin and Trent. like, older queer with younger queer, helping each other out and bonding. their friendship does things to me tbh. it's so very important and intimate and—

in other words, representation matters.

yaaay! also, Trent <3333 again, this warms my heart.

sometimes I really have no idea what this season is doing. i miss them being a dramedy, not a full on sitcom. i'm enjoying this season, but sometimes it's borderline too much. it's out of nowhere and it's not necessary at all.

besties unlocked <3 Trent is such a sunshine, I love him. the way he and Ted share a raised eyebrows look. there is something so wonderful happening between Ted and Trent from the moment they met. it's like they're connected and are being drawn to each other.

girl talk, especially when it involves middle aged men <3 Rebecca as their leader is really something. i love it.

I think Rebecca is being mean to the actual devil. also, why do iphone users love their matte screen cover? why not the regular one?

Trent is so in love with Ted, my goodness. that cute smile. Ted is so freaking oblivious, I need the show to do something about it. i need Ted to learn Trent is in love with him.

this is such a nice shot. something something, the idea of press taking pics of Nate's gf leaving. which at first I thought was kind of nice, but then she leaves with a suitcase and it looks like a breakup of some sort, so not that nice. hm. still, the shot is pretty.

this is such a nice look & I like her hair a lot, but my GOD, how do people wear those minies? it's beyond good and evil for me. shorts i can kinda understand, but skirts? that's... yeah, no.

there you go Jack's "me and Keeley are dating" without asking Keeley first if she wants to announce it and then Jack totally ghosting Keeley. *frustrated high pitched growl* I hate that plotline. if it's their way to push Keeley back towards Roy bc she will no longer be that busy so Roy can't come up with that excuse again, that's a very shitty thing to do. so far I don't see the bigger picture of this. they've been messing up Keeley's storyline this season just like that.

"the board" oh, fuck you, Jack. (in Grace Le Domas' voice) fucking rich people.

Dani crushing Van Damme's chips is such a dick move, ESPECIALLY since you're trashing the airplane!! you're not the one who's gonna have to clean it up, you asshole.

can somebody connect this parallel for me pls? it's just within my reach but it slips away.

sooo, Beard isn't getting out of a toxic relationship? gotta say, this plotline concerns me. idk where they're going with it and WHY in the first place. Beard deserves better & Jane needs some serious therapy.

#fired immediately

I'm here for Rebecca standing up for herself against Rupert. I hate that asshole so much.

I don't remember, have we seen Roy's sister before? it's so rare.

go fuck yourself. yes, i'm quick to jump to conclusions and violence.

Leslie is NOT having a good tea time this season. let him enjoy his tea 2k23! however, the fact that he knows every friend Rebecca has. some friendship between him and Rebecca developed along the way since s1.

[bamboobrat]

succession s4 e5 recap: swedish elon and his logan roy tribute band

time is a flat circle and we are back to ken hyping himself listening to rap, driving to the office.

anyone feeling nostalgic yet?

he is immediately caught off guard by the fact that roman and shiv are already there.

also he seems like the worst boss ever.

i really don't like ken when he is not hitting rock bottom.

(there is a movie about a sleeping robot in a cave that takes up too much time in this episode. let's not get into all that)

the old guard checks up on the CE-bros before their trip to norway.

matchy matchy&lt;3

turns out mattson wants them all there (why wouldn't he?) so THE GANG IS GOING TO NORWAY! lets bleed the swede!*

*as a norwegian, i approve this message

mortality has set into team krank, as they put on compression socks before the flight.

krank is not here to have fun. krank has no young mistress to impress. krank is serious.

shiv has noticed ken's leaks to the media from last week because she is boss. it's the comeback we've been waiting for.

but most importantly, she is waging a very important war against tom and his stupid new sneakers:

the sibs say they can kill tom for her. that's brotherly love.

hugo is not having a good time.

i am tho.

gerri rallies the troops by shitting on europeans.

yes mommy tell me i'm weak because i have free healthcare! sit on my face

gerri for CEO. always.

they accurately depict what it is like driving in norway:

(this is why i don't have my licence)

the gang arrives in the motherland and it's beautiful, but rainy (so authentic) and are all like WHY THESE WOOD CABINS SO SMALL?!

ironic because jeremy lives in fucking denmark.

anyway, whatever this is:

I DO NOT APPROVE!

the trip up to mount olympus is interrupted by con saying he can send a picture of their dead dad to the group chat.

nobody wants to see it.

also, marcia is putting logan in a kilt like the fucking bay city rollers and con had to cancel a room full of working class whites in cleveland. the sacrifice.

they give con carte blanche for the whole funeral thing, which is probably a terrible decision.

the funeral is going to be one big campaign rally, i'm serious.

the others have to settle for a nice lil scandi brunch spread. what a hard life.

i don't say this often, but i would be hugo in this scenario, piling onto my plate like it's nobody's business.

karolina has a cute lesbian moment.

she says something in swedish at some point, but let me tell you, i understand swedish and i didn't even pick up on it. no shade to dag, but lol.

hugo doesn't understand how ski jumping works.

i thank the writers for putting this joke in there, even if literally no one other than random scandi people will get it.

it's like the opposite of danny boyle's the beach<3 give back to the community<3

roman enters negotiations and puts his fingers in the caviar.

you think i didn't notice? after all this time, you must know i notice everything.

the CE-bros make the village elders proud, as mattson offers 187 per share as long as he gets ATN.

also, gerri does a second take looking back at roman. these are the crumbs i am destined to live on, i guess. roman doesn't want to give up ATN tho, probably because 1) his dad wanted ATN 2) his dad told him he wouldn't make it at pierce and belongs at ATN 3) he is, somehow, the most rational of the siblings right now????

speaking of rational: how are we feeling about the shiv/mattson potential here? i honestly have zero objections.

shiv is like fuck yeah, sell ATN, that shit is toxic.

agreed, but who gave mencken an open line to ATN-meetings? sounds like something logan told cyd to do during one of those late night calls.

"even dad had a line" rings true zero percent. pass.

get rid of atn. word is, they don't even have tucker carlson anymore? just keep a sweater, much less racist.

we get some important leo dicap representation:

and greg is the bringer of all that is exposition, telling us there is a kill list with 8 to 9 names, ever evolving.

now, as most readers of these recaps would know, i would like to avoid spending any time on greg whatsoever (made even more poignant by the recent rumors about nick), however, this must be one of the best exchanges of dialogue ever made:

greg: da fam shiv: da fuck

that's all.

tom tells the swedes that americans don't care about the rest of the world and it's funny because it's true.

and alex being like "you're ALL related?!"

i see you, succession writers, i see you.

mattson calls waystar a parts shop and has a good take on right wing media:

"i dont think news for angry, old men works"

instead, he opts for bloomberg grey: simple, cheap, huge, ikea'd to fuck. i do love ikea.

he calls the sibs a tribute band which is harsh. even for a scandi, it's fucking harsh.

anyway, SAUNA! SAUNA! SAUNA!

GERRI. IN. SAUNA! (chant with me)

i will never forget what the succession writers took from me.

krank out here just chilling.

i've never shipped anyone more.

we are introduced to ebba. i can tell i'd have more to say on this in any other situation, but it just feels weird (all norwegian know each other, i guess).

anyone else here for the shiv/mattson dynamic?

i'm sorry, i kind of ship it????

ken wants to tank the deal and roman immediately calls him out on his destructive bullshit:

and then immediately caves.

"i think we are good at running the ship" they say after doing it for approximately 24 hours.

i wish i had their confidence.

also, pinky can't dance, according to ken, so they keep shiv out. meanwhile, she gets cozy with lukas, who asks her about her marriage (bad) and tells her he sends liters of blood to ebba (also bad).

shiv shows us why she is paid the big bucks for political advice:

we don't see the end of their night, so i'm just going to assume they fucked. because she's worth it.

also, talking up gerri and karolina? girlies stick together<3

big bi vibes here. huge. idc if she's pregnant and drinking.

meanwhile, the CE-bros use greg to leak that the negotiations are souring. why would you trust greg with anything?

in an attempt to fuck the deal, the CE-bros show a terrible film to the swedish team, as if being scandi doesn't mean you've sat through enough terrible cinema already....

we get the strangest fight in tv history:

lol @ us for thinking this was an important moment for the two of them and then it's a fight about white sneakers and fat earlobes.

i sure hope shiv fucked lukas.

roman receives a photo of his dead dad and it doesn't really put him in the right place to negotiate with mattson:

ouch.

leave it to kieran to make an emmy-worthy speech across from alex skarsgaard peeing.

the plan was: tank the deal, but in a subtle way. what they did: try and tank the deal, but in a not very subtle way. did the deal tank: no.

i hope you understand.

the question is, if a deal collapses in the woods and no one hears it, is it a SEC violation?

mattson ends up offering 192 per share. karl jizzes his pants.

shiv gives the little spelunker tom a lil treat, telling him to fire cyd.

then she asks him out?

and ignores him again because she is taking a call from mattson?

idk my dudes, but i'm into this shiv comeback.

mattson seems happy and flirty and i sure as shit hope this goes somewhere.

as long as it doesn't involve liters of frozen blood.

i have a feeling it will be all good vibes until he learns about her pregnancy. there's always something rotten in the state of denmark (or norway, or sweden, but it's all the same).

the waystar-team receives the kill list after the offer and it's very stressful for a few people who made themselves suffer through a session in the sauna:

not on the kill list: karolina gerri tom because shiv fucking did the thing!!

oh, and karl and frank are on the kill list, but i think they are just fine.

maybe the real treasure was the compression socks we made along the way.

[bratanimus]

33. you are such a nerd

@khaleesa, thank you for this awesome prompt! It was a lot of fun to write. And thanks to the lovely @pipergirl17 for betaing! I hope to work on the other prompts in my Ask box soon.

~*~

Hoard

Eddie sprawled on his stomach across Chrissy’s white eyelet comforter and peered over the edge of the bed, like the invisible Bilbo peeping at Smaug. All around herself, his girlfriend (someday he would stop italicizing that word in his mind, but today was not that day) had spread a veritable dragon’s hoard of paper, folders, notebooks, flashcards, pencil cases, and pens of all colors on the pink shag carpet. 

Sitting cross-legged in her running sweats, framed in a patch of afternoon sunlight, Chrissy looked luminous as she carefully pried open the lid of a box of new pencils as if it were a treasure chest.

“Tell me again,” Eddie said.

He pushed up the long sleeves of his T-shirt and rested his chin on the heels of both hands in what he hoped was a coquettish and distracting manner, his jean-clad legs bent and kicking his socked feet behind him like he was at an honest-to-god Annette Funicello pajama party. 

“Why are you doing this, exactly?”

Chrissy gave him the briefest of eye rolls, because she’d already started to explain on their way upstairs…though she’d been interrupted when they’d passed the Cunningham household’s actual dragon, who’d bellowed after them, “Door stays open!” Eddie could almost feel the mistrust billowing like acrid steam from Laura’s sewing room. Well, the old reptile would get used to him sooner or later. Or not. 

“Make fun all you want,” Chrissy huffed (oh, she was cute when she was miffed at him, and maybe he shouldn’t rile her up, but he was a dumbass still getting used to having her undivided attention, so sue him if he occasionally resorted to his old habits of poking and prodding and other sorts of ill-advised provocation, and anyway, she didn’t seem to mind). “But it’s the end of spring break.”

With that, Chrissy pinned him with a friendly glare, as if a reminder of the calendar date should’ve made everything crystal clear. 

Smirk (and dimples) still firmly in place, she broke the eraser off one of those brand new pencils, an unexpected act of violence that made Eddie’s eyebrows shoot upward. She tossed the nub into the flowery little trash can under her desk. Then she grabbed a fat, pink, arrowhead-shaped cap eraser from a pile of them and twisted it onto the top of the pencil. 

“Ah, I see,” said Eddie, not seeing at all. 

Chrissy only laughed at his confused expression, so he lay flat on his chest, chin on the bed’s edge, letting his arms dangle so he could fiddle with the felt tip pens scattered on the carpet. He stole a glance at Chrissy and pondered why one eraser might be somehow inherently better than another, so much so that she had to amputate and reattach, like some nerdy bookworm version of Mary Shelley.

“School starts back in a couple of days, right?” Chrissy went on as she attacked the next pencil.

“Uh-huh.” 

Eddie shoved aside her big green binder and slid his fingertips along the pens as he lined them up, orange and purple and red and blue—

Bonk! Another brand new nub landed in the trash can, and another cap eraser got reamed by a wooden writing instrument.

“I always reorganize my school supplies after fall break, Christmas break, and spring break. It helps me stay focused.”

“Mmm-hmm,” he bullshitted, as if he had any idea about systems for focusing.

He arranged the pens according to the colors of the rainbow, remembering Roy G. Biv, the acronym his seventh grade art teacher had taught for the progression of colors. But Chrissy owned way more than the seven basic shades here. There were at least two dozen. Did she carry these to school every day in a pencil case, a small treasure trove in her pink backpack?

“I love school supplies,” she gushed, continuing her mutilation of the pristine set of Ticonderogas, popping off a dozen heads one by one and replacing them with bloated Frankenstein ones.

He knew she had a thing about control, and Eddie had seen her do her fair share of feverish erasing in the two classes they shared this year. But were twelve cap erasers really necessary?

Messing with the felt tips on the floor, he must’ve asked that last bit out loud, because Chrissy said tightly, “Oh, you know. Just in case I need to correct a lot.”

Oops. He’d touched a nerve. He needed a distraction.

“I bet you pack five extra pairs of underwear for every overnight trip,” he mused, “just in case you have a blowout.”

“Ew!” she squealed.

An eraser nub hit him square between the eyes, which made him flinch and blink. 

“Seriously, Eddie.  Are blowouts something I should worry about?”

“Oh, I dunno. Hang around with me long enough—”

A larger arrowhead eraser smacked him on the cheek. He caught it before it fell off the bed, stuck it on his pinky, and made it speak over Chrissy’s giggles.

“Look, lady,” he Muppet-squeaked, “you have an eraser problem. And possibly an underwear problem. You need help!”

Chrissy pointed to his pinky. “Speak not to me, nor my Trapper Keeper, ever again. You’re just jealous of my loot.” 

“I have absolutely no use for dragon-guarded treasures,” Eddie murmured, quoting Tolkien as he slipped the eraser from his pinky and laid it reverently in Chrissy’s outstretched hand, “and the whole lot could stay here for ever, if only I could wake up and find this beastly tunnel was my own front-hall at home.”

Watching him, Chrissy’s eyes glimmered, prettier than any gemstones. His cheeks warmed. 

It was something to be looked at by her, wasn’t it? To be admired? He dropped his gaze back down to the pens he was arranging and hoped his face wasn’t too red.

“That’s it.” The words were barely a breath.

Eddie’s gaze rose again to find Chrissy staring down at her hoard of loot, hands upturned helplessly on her knees, the arrowhead eraser still in the center of her palm like the One Ring.

He tried to match her hushed tone. “What?”

“That’s how I feel. All the time. This house. All my things. It’s just…stuff.”

And she had no other home but this beastly one.

Eddie's heart pinched.

“Come up here,” he said.

She did, lying on her stomach next to him, chin resting on her folded arms as she watched him arrange the felt tips into different configurations with one hand. Gravity made his veins bulge a little; they looked knobbly and greenish-blue in the bright light from her window. His hand could almost be a pale dragon skittering over its mountain of treasure.

He didn’t know what to say, because he couldn’t say what he wanted to.

Come away with me. Let me be your treasure. You are already mine.

Leaning into her with one shoulder, he reached awkwardly into his front pocket and scrounged for the ever-present handful of mismatched polyhedral die, which he tossed to the floor, a field of shimmering stars around what he’d written across the landscape of her Pepto-Bismol carpet.

“Wait.” Chrissy’s head lifted from her forearms. She blew her bangs out of her eyes. “Does that say—”

It did indeed. Eddie had arranged her plethora of pens to read 

NERD

“You are such a nerd,” he whispered, creasing his brow and dipping his chin for emphasis. He wondered if she could somehow read on his face what he was really thinking.

Chrissy looked back at him and smiled like he’d just placed a crown on her head. He swallowed. Maybe she could read his thoughts. Eddie tucked her lovely smile away into his own mental hoard, for safekeeping.

“Takes one to know one,” she said, cutting the inhalation for his retort short with a kiss.

He nodded his fervent agreement until her widening grin made further kissing more difficult, but not impossible.

The eraser lay forgotten on the floor with the rest of the hoard. 

[oh-surprise-its-me]

Roy/Jamie prompt: Roy gets dangerously sick with a bad infection and is hospitalized. Jamie is completely devoted to him, taking all care of him and running himself ragged. Roy realizes how much Jamie loves him and decides this infection can go fuck itself because he’s going to bloody fucking well claim his Tartt

Oh my god

(I definitely imagine them having a bit of a d/s dynamic at points so take that warning <3 )

Roy is pissed. It was a stupid fucking head cold and then it just kept getting worse and now he’s in the fucking hospital.

He’s on strong fucking antibiotics. Good to leave in the morning. His sister has been by twice to gently laugh at him, and Jamie is about to be murdered by his nurse because he won’t stop asking questions.

Next time Jamie paces by he grabs Jamie’s wrist and yanks him down on the bed.

“My nurse is going to kill you sit and be good.”

Jamie opens his mouth to say something so Roy decides to do the eyebrow.

Jamie closes his mouth.

But he slides a hand over Roy’s wrist. Innocent enough but Roy knows Jamie is checking his pulse even though the goddamn machine is very clearly saying Roy is alive.

It’s going to be a long night.

—

Roy is happy to be home. He can tell Jamie barely slept last night when he was forced to go home. Now he’s starting to make a third kind of soup.

Roy is weirdly into how much Jamie has been caring for him. He can’t believe Jamie sometimes. He knows Jamie loves him but these past three weeks have honestly really shown it.

“Jamie come here for a minute.”

He’s been forced out of the kitchen so that rules out the counters but the couch when’re Jamie has banished him to? Fully on fair ground.

Jamie slides in, literally. He’s in those stupid fuzzy socks, “yeah you okay? Need something? Hungr-?”

Roy yanks him down onto his lap before Jamie can start. “Hush. Stay quiet for a second fully fucking listen. My doc said I haven’t been contagious for about a week and a half now. He said I can do all my normal shit as long as I’m feeling okay.”

Jamie blinks at him from where he’s still straddling Roy. “Can I talk yet?” Roy brings his hands up and squeezes Jamie’s hips, he nods.

“We aren’t doing anything, what if you hurt yourself. I’m happy to kiss you, you obviously know that and I mean what does a doctor really know they can test their exam as many times as they need.”

Roy does the eyebrow thing again. Jamie blushes.

“I googled a lot.”

Roy moves faster then Jamie can anticipate, he flips them so Jamie is flat on the couch and Roy is over him. “Safeword now or I’m fucking you.”

“Roy no! You can’t you’re still sick??”

“Doc said all normal activities, this is normal. Can’t tell you how hot you caring for me is. Christ I love you.”

Jamie is red and twitchy. A good sign. “I love you too of course I wanna talk care of you.”

Roy leans down and bites Jamie’s jaw. He sucks and leaves a bit of a mark. He makes more. It’s fine. They don’t have any games for at least a month still.

“Then take care of me Jamie, let me have this.”

Jamie is gasping at this point, lightly digging his nails into Roy’s back. “Roy please.”

Roy pulls back. He grins up at Jamie, he just fucking won. “I’m fucking you over the couch. Get up bend over.”

Roy sits up with that statement. Jamie scrambles to get up, he glances back at Roy when he doesn’t move right away. When Roy does move it’s towards the kitchen. “No Roy wait-?”

“Safeword or stay there.”

Jamie quiets back down. Roy reaches the stove where he clicks off the stove and leans against the counter just looking at Jamie. God he loves him.

He’s going to fucking ruin him.

[embeehatesbee]

“You’re beautiful.” (BIANCA DEL RIO/ROY HAYLOCK X READER)

IN WHICH, Roy finds you struggling to put your jeans on.

I’m back with another Bianca short fic. I saw these pictures and immediately thought of a story, I just had to write it.

Trigger warnings: none.

Not proof read

You struggle trying to fit into your jeans. The same jeans you have been wearing since high-school.

Roy watched you jump around your bedroom, this was the first time this had happened and was causing you a lot of trouble.

Roy finally made his presence known by kissing his teeth and walking toward you with a worried expression on his face. "Are you okay, sweetheart?"

Looking up at him, he was topless and wearing a pair of joggers and socks. With sweat on your forehead, you shook your head as Roy wraps you in his embrace. "My jeans don't fit me anymore."

"That doesn't matter, my love." He knelt down to your level, taking your hands with his and leaving soft kisses on your knuckles. "Jeans shrink."

"Or maybe I'm just too fat." Being abruptly cut off from your boyfriend.

"Nonsense!" He almost couldn't believe what came out of you mouth, almost as if you insulted him. "You're not fat, don't ever think of yourself as that."

"These jeans were okay last week, maybe I shouldn't have eaten so much at the buffet." You continue to ramble. Roy sensed that this was putting a strain on you, he gestures you to stand up.

He carefully removes your jeans in accordance with his instruction and tosses them to the side before gazing up at you with sparkling eyes.

Between those large doe eyes, there were always words, something sacred. A language that only the two of you can understand.

He whispered, "You're beautiful, Y/N," and his hands ran up your thighs. He gave you a second look before kissing your right leg and the other one shortly after.

His lips left a sensation, a feeling that only he could affect.

"I love you." He said with such care, traveling his mouth upwards and trailing them underneath the lining of your underwear. "You're the most breathtaking being I've ever laid my eyes upon."

As he looked up at you with such mercy, you let out a chuckle and placed your hand just on his right cheek. You're lying." 

"When have I ever lied to you?" He puts his hand on top of mine, leaning onto my palm.

"Not even Ryan Reynolds?" You asked, he shook his head and kisses your palm.

"Don't be too cocky, darling." He says, making you lightly nudge him with your foot. He laughs, you laughed with him.

The insignificant things he does make you want to  fall in love with him all over again.

"I'm just kidding. You are beyond anything Ryan Reynolds can match." He slowly rises from the floor, holding the sides of your shirt before lifting them up slightly.

You raised your arms to make access easier, giving his actions your consent. Roy looks you up and down with his mouth slightly agape. "I still can't get over how good you look."

"We've been dating for 6 years, love." With a cheesy smile trying to get on your lips, you reminded.

"Doesn't mean I can't appreciate you." He shook his head and pulled you in closer, rubbing circles on your hips. He gave you a beaming smile as you felt your noses rub against one another.

His teeth were so perfect, you are always left speechless whenever he does. He'd even have to shake you back to reality at times, you loved his smile that much.

"You're so beautiful." He wanders along your waist's faded stretch marks.

"Stop." You say, feeling your face get hotter from everything he was doing. "You're making me embarrassed."

"You shouldn't be." He responded quickly, giving a peck on my lips before he knelt down lightly to leave kisses on your shoulders.

His hands roamed around your body, softly running his fingers through the soft fabric of your bra. "Your legs, waist, tummy, breasts..."

With that word, you hear your hook clasp open.  "...Is everything a man could ask for." He whispered.

A smirk dancing on your boyfriend's face, you were quick to catch the bra, placing your arms around your chest.

The cold air hits your body, immediately getting replaced by Roy's fleeting touches. He was so gentle, he holds you as if you were a vase.

Not once letting a scratch on you.

"Have I made you nervous?" He asked, his breath hitting you ear causing chills to run over your body. You hesitantly nodded, an amused smile plastered on his face as he places a finger underneath your chin. "We've been dating for 6 years."

He mocks you, blushing at his words he leaves a kiss on your forehead, signaling you to look up at his hazel eyes.

"What are you doing?" You ask, your face flustered as you nibble on your lip. He smiles brightly, running his thumb on your bottom lip before getting a hold of both your arms.

He slowly pulled your arms away from your bra and separated them. As it slowly fell off your shoulders, he watched as your fully round breast broke free, causing you to shiver once more.

You looked down, blushing at what he's doing. He kisses his teeth, bringing your face up.

"Look at me." You respond with a nod. He gave your boobs a light squeeze, which made you yell, and you could feel his hand riding up your waist.  "You're so beautiful, I don't know why you're with me," a chuckle left his lips.

"You say that as if it's a bad thing. You're more than enough for me." You assure, he was so good at showing you affection you'd sometimes forget to do it in return. "I should be the one asking why you're still with me. I could barely get through a week without you having to comfort me with something.

He laughs at that, cupping your face and pulling you closer. "You're perfect. Perfect to me." Your breast pressed against his upper stomach, his warmth comforting you.

"You think so?" You asked, ecstatic over his words.

"I believe that we both deserve each other, "He gives your cheek a light squeeze as he pecks at your lips. "However, that does not mean that I will not devote the remainder of my life showing my love for you.'

"When did you become such a romantic?" You asked, letting him lean your foreheads together.

"Since the day I met you, my love." He says, cheekily letting his hands roam around your body. He loved doing that, he loved memorizing you.

He was intimately familiar with each and every mole, stretch mark, and scar you had in your body.

"Have I told you that you looked beautiful today?" He asked, which made you laugh.

"Yes, a number of times." He smiles and kisses your temple.

"I don't tell you enough then."

You were so in love with Roy. Everything about you and him just made sense, like two magnets that were bound to stick together.

He was your rock, your moon and stars. Not a day goes by without him, and he'll be in your life for the rest of it.

"How did I get so lucky?" You breathe out by accident, Roy catching your eyes and kissing you once again.

"How did I get so lucky?" He asked himself as well, leaning down to leave yet another kiss. It's absurd at how silly you get when he kisses you, like you're being lifted 5 feet in the air.

"You're beautiful, Y/N." He says again, for the 6th time today.

And you feel beautiful whenever he looks at you, you really do.

"I love you, Roy." Simplest words yet held so much power, it's what kept you to tied for the longest. "I'm falling in love with you everyday."

"As I am with you." He pulls away, walking towards the bathroom and exiting not long after. He walks towards his side of the closet, grabbing a pair of joggers and a shirt. "Here. Wear this."

He settles them on the foot of the bed, holding my hand as he lead us outside of the bathroom.

"I love wearing your clothes." You admit. "They make me feel like you're hugging me all the time."

"Don't I already do that?" Roy asked, raising his brows as he took a tanktop from his dresser, putting them on and pulling you closer to him.

It's hard to keep the two of you separate, you learned that the hard way. "I meant when you're out on tour, I use to sleep in our closet just to smell you."

"I must make up for lost time then." He pecks your lips before pulling away and grabbing your jeans. "I ran you a bath, keep yourself relaxed and I'll be right there to join you."

Looking through the slightly crooked door, your heart warmed at the lit candles and rose petals floating just above the water.

"Thank you." You tiptoed to kiss him passionately on the lips, which he gladly reciprocated. Sensing that we were getting lost on track he pulled away.

"As much as I'd love to do that right now, you need to relax." He says, looking towards the bathroom.

"Why don't you come with me?" Your arms were wrapped around his neck.

"I will, but I'm gonna need you to just sit there and look pretty, mkay?" He points at the tub "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll have to fix these first please." He raised your jeans, giving you one last peck before leaving.

A smile was on your face as he exits the bedroom and wandered off to his office, the same place where he sews his dresses and clothes.

"I love you!" He yelled. A laugh escaping your lips as you got in the tub.

You really were the luckiest woman alive.

[damelucyjo]

I’m thoroughly miserable from a trip to the dentist so let’s make it worse! 😂

Episode 9 - La Locker Room Aux Folles

Well this is a delightful opening!

Spot on with the music choice, as always

Ted & Beard at Roy: one of us! One of us! 😂

I need to know absolutely everything about Beard’s life. It’s not a want. It’s a need.

Oh no, why did they change the angle of Beard ‘fainting’? Was funnier head on, I think

Poor Colin 🥺 (why did I really want to call him Greg? Who the fuck is Greg?? 🫤)

Sniffing clothes must be such a man thing 😂

Come on Issac, I know you’re angry but he’s trying!!

How fucking dirty are your socks, Dani, if Colin can smell them as soon as you’re near?! 😂

Oops 😂😂

YYEEEAAAHHHH!!!

🚨GIRLIE LUNCH! I REPEAT GIRLIE LUNCH!!🚨 I’ve missed them

You’re not supposed to… yet we all do it 🫣 I’m looking at you, Ted

*dramatic gasp* ‘So much blue’ 😂

Their relationship is so gorgeous. They’re fully cheerleaders for one another, and Rebecca is so lovingly maternal towards Keeley in just the right way 🥰

And here comes dadTed 😂

Yes, babe, sniff those biscuits. It’s not like you get them every day or anything

I love how everyone not at all secretly love Ted’s stories as absolutely nobody ever stops him from telling them 👍🏼

And of course Rebecca would flip her lid at the idea of him giving biscuits to anyone else (like Sharon) but Keeley is 100% fine 🥰

We all know money makes everything better. Great job, Ted 🫡 😂

‘Of course, Ted. Family first’ 🥹 beautiful

(There’s 3 people in this scene, but why does it feel like Rebecca & Ted barely take their eyes off one another…🫠)

These fucking lyrics 😂😂😂 and the girls just bobbing along to it

And Miss Rebecca, you’re face is being very wife-life right now. Just saying

‘Fuck no’ Roy, that is your boss! 😂

‘I mean, why can’t Ted do it. 😳 I mean, I’d love to’ 😂 he’s scared of Rebecca 😂 and she didn’t even have to speak!

‘I heard that’ SHES SUCH A MUM!! 😂😂

Mr Shelby. The more I see Jade the more I love her

THEY’RE SO BLOODY CUTE!! 😍🥰😍🥰

What does it say about me that the creepier and more of an arsehole Rupert is, the more I fall in love with Tony?? 🤔 Hmm

‘It’s worthwhile to meet you’ gagged! Oh she clocked him right away. Good for you Jade!!

He’s spouting his usual shit and she’s not falling for any of it. That is the face of an incredibly uninterested woman. FUCK HIM UP, JADE!! 😂

I fully expected that shot it reveal him watching them from that window 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Oh what beautiful chaos! You just know this scene was a delight to film. Of course they’re having a passionate debate about guitarists, not football! 😂

Also you’re not fooling anyone by saying Joe is better purely because he’s from Kansas. Come on now, Coach.

It also perfectly highlights why we need more Beard 🫣

Hey now! Leave Stairway to Heaven out of this, man! I love that song!!

Beard at the door 😂😂

So true that the press care more about who is the best guitarist rather than football 🫡 journalism we actually care about! 😂

‘The guy from Cream’ 😂😂 they did that for Hannah! I have to agree with her though, Eric is a great guitarist!

Not gonna lie, I am surprised she even knew a rock band to name 😂

I, too, am sick of Roy being Roy. Brett has been wasted on the grump this season.

That’s what we want!! Give me all the Rebecca being Rebecca!!

So real of Leslie to cheer her walking down a hallway. He gets it

‘Get your hair arse into my office. Now!’ God, she’s got when she’s angry 🥵🥵🥵

‘Ooooo’ they’re all just a bunch of kids on a playground. I love it! 😂

Is his arse the only part of him that’s not hairy?? 🤔 That is a furry man 😂

Must be the pick on Richard episode 😂

‘That Ted’s son is failing science. Scandal’ Trent, you’re delightful and I’m sorry you’ve not been here the whole time! 😂

Going to Fairy Gay Godmother for advice. We love to see it 🥹

Henry’s poor teacher 😂

‘What the fuck is your problem’ ‘Wait, I know this one. You are!’ Rebecca, you sarcastic bitch. I love you! 🥰

This dynamic is absolutely gorgeous, too. I feel like Rebecca & Roy are maybe the only two who are fully real with one another without fear that they’re going to upset the other one. With Roy telling her she shouldn’t settle, and now Rebecca telling him he needs to figure out what it is he wants. I wish we had more of these two this season.

Hasn’t Nate got a team, too? Why does he always seem to be doing game play stuff alone?? 🤔 Or does he prefer it that way??

Rupert is disgusting. *insert clip of Hannah saying ‘I fucking love it’*

A guy’s night?? Don’t trust him, Nate! 🫤

Classic Chris & Arlo banter. I’m gonna miss it! 😂

Okay, so a spin off of Mae and the bar is actually what I want. Apple, you listening

Leslie, my boy, what is going on? Why you texting her when she’s right there? What did that text say?? I’m confused.

He was quick to jump in with that handshake stuff 😂 it’s been playing on his mind since they met, I’ll bet 😂

Issac, I know you’re angry, but you’re just being a dick now.

And moving your hand was such an arsehole move. Uncalled for, dude.

Uh oh, the girls are fighting 😳

Some more award winning ‘pretending to care about football’ acting from Hannah there. Nicely done 😂

This guy hand it coming though. Absolutely disgusting behaviour which, unfortunately, is very close to real life.

Okay, Leslie that really was the worst time for a joke, but I will say it did make me laugh 😂

I know it’s all for storytelling purposes, but the boys are right. It’s nothing new to them, So why have such a huge reaction now? These boys have such varied responses and reactions on things sometimes depending on plot point that it’s a little icky 🫣

Sam & Jamie have such a brotherly relationship now. I’m loving it!

Another callback to when Keeley entered the locker room and Roy didn’t want her there. Nice.

Them assuming Issac is gay because of his outburst is totally logical too. But it does kinda force Colin to say something, even if he feels he can’t yet, if he’s to step up for his friend 🫤

Them all looking at Jamie and him telling them he’s flatter is what? 📢GROWTH📢 Can you imagine season 1 Jamie in that situation?! 😳

Roy taking what Rebecca’s just told him and paying it forward to Issac 🥹 the boys are learning!

Fucking Will! 😂 you must just always assume he’s there someone because chances are he is 😂

I kind of love that they didn’t show Colin saying the actual words. It wasn’t needed.

‘You’re gay, big whoop’ exactly Dani. Big whoop indeed!

It wouldn’t be Ted Lasso without a folksy story that may not have anything to do with what they’re talking about 😂 Ted, all you had to say was ‘we do care. What we mean is it doesn’t change anything. You’re not alone’

Look at proud uncle Trent watching them all be amazing 🥹

HOW DO I FALL IN LOVE WITH THESE BOYS MORE AND MORE EVERY EPISODE?! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??

Okay Trent, he’s getting ideas for his book 👀 I’m excited! I’m loving your Dolly t-shirt too, btw 😍

He doesn’t have to hide anymore 🥹

Shut the fuck up, George. No one cares what you have to say

Go off, Mae! 😂 that is a woman you do not want to cross!! 😂

‘Not Claire’ these boys 🥰

Come on, Nate. You know exactly what Rupert is like. You’ve seen him with his assistant with your own eyes, for goodness sake. Like he was ever going to have a drink with you one on one. Be real, man.

Is this the end of his time at West Ham though? I hope so.

A ‘that’s what she said’ joke I’m not so many words? Okay then 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why would she give Ted talking points, Rebecca? You trust him now, remember

A Roy press conference is what’s I’ve always wanted 😍

And he’s using his time to tell a story, just like Ted. Brings a tear to my eye 🥹 GROWTH, PEOPLE!!

This episode really is just a PSA to football fans to keep their fucking mouths shut, and I love that.

‘Five o’clock shadow head’ ‘New Trent’ & ‘Goblin King’ are all why he needed to do more press 😂

He just wanted a hug 🥺

I knew this is what it all came down to, the fact that he was hurt his best friend didn’t feel like he could tell him. But he needed to hear Colin say that 1% chance scared the shit out of him. He’s rather they stay friends than live as his true self freely 🥺

‘The team knows. That’s enough for me’ ‘No one’s gonna say shit. I promise’ OMG I’m on my period and incredibly emotional right now. This scene made me cry just as much as it did the first time 😢

Him asking these question is so real 😂 I’m glad their friendship hasn’t been affected in the slightest.

And I agree, 1967’s Raquel Welch is *chefs kiss*

‘No. But you know I do, yeah?’ I MEANN!!!!🥹🥹

Another great song choice to end on, too!

Well that was another amazing episode!! We even got a little bit more Rebecca than we have since Amsterdam!! And angry Rebecca at that. What a win! 😂

Some absolutely great moments from everyone in this one, but I’m hoping Roy is going to start sorting himself out now and stop being such a grump. We’ve still got that scene of Roy, Keeley & Jamie from the promo to look forward to 🤞🏼

We’ve got Edwin Akufo back next episode which sounds like a delight, even with how he departed last time. My naive Tedbecca loving heart’ and knowing how much this show loves a callback, hopes that his visit involves inviting Ted to coach for his team. I’d love another scene of her telling someone, Ted in this instance, ‘I can’t make you stay, but I don’t want you to go’

[daydreamgoddess14]

Enough pt. 2

Ted leaves Richmond.

A 3.12 fix-it - Ted Lasso / Rebecca Welton - mature content

MASTERLIST

Chapter 1

~~~~~~~

Chapter 2

Ted thought he’d try and catch Rebecca before training finished but when Beard came back down and told him she’d left for the day, he had to reconsider his options. He toyed with going to her house, sitting outside until she’d consider talking to him, but he didn’t want to make things more difficult for her if she was already struggling. He took the late afternoon to spend some time with the team and catch up with them. They were curious about Kansas and how his life was over there without them. 

“Lots of barbeque, yes Coach?” Jan asked with a huge smile.

“That’s right Jan, barbeque places for miles and miles.”

“And how’s Henry?” Jamie asked from across the room.

“He’s doing great thanks Jamie, it’s good to be back with him.”

“Did you get back with the ex?” 

“You can’t ask that!”

“I was just wonderin’! I mean, if you go all that way, there’s gotta be more - right?”

“No, no, just Henry.”

“I used to know a kid who spent each school term in a different country.” Richard said. “His maman was in finance and spent time in London and France, his papa was in oil and spent time in Saudi and Brazil. He spoke like 5 languages.”

“Amazing. I didn’t leave my hometown til I joined Richmond! I didn’t know anything about anywhere or anyone!” Sam said.

“You still don’t pal!” Jamie threw a pair of socks at him.

“Is bueno to know more about places, it’s one of our very great privileges.” Dani smiled. “Henry is very lucky that he got to come here.”

“I mean… he coulda spent more time here though? Shared custody and all that.” Jamie mumbled.

“Yeah well, that wouldn’t have been fair on anyone else. We got family to think about. I can’t just be uprooting Henry cos I felt like it.”

“But you weren’t just anyone though. It’s not like you were some guy with no money or resources. The boss has literally got a private jet - and she ain’t even used it this year! This is one of those situations where you can throw money at it.” Jamie fiddled with the cuffs of his training jersey. “I just think ya coulda stayed.” He looked at the floor. Sam threw the socks back and offered a gentle smile when he looked up.

“I think Jamie just means that we’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed y’all too fellas. I really have.”

“But it’s not enough.” Jan concluded. 

“Jan, mate, even Rebecca fuckin’ Welton weren’t enough. Why’d ya think she’s bendin’ over backwards to make sure everyone is ok except herself? I’m goin’ for a run. Sorry Ted. I have missed ya, I don’t mean to piss on your parade. It just ain’t the same no matter what anyone says.” Jamie left the others behind, with Roy following him out of the door. Ted watched with a frown.

“Sorry Coach. He just misses you. But as long as you have joy in your heart then we are happy for you.” Dani beamed. Ted stayed silent. The team soon dispersed in favour of the gym or showers, Roy returned and gestured towards the office. Ted took up Trent’s old chair and wheeled it to the doorway so he could see both Roy and Beard.

“Boys give you a hard time?” Beard queried.

“No worse than I expected.”

“Looks like we didn’t make sure their instructions were thorough enough then.” Roy growled.

“Royo here told them to go to town on you. Make you feel their love - so to speak.”

“Oh I felt their love. I missed ‘em.”

“I noticed you didn’t answer Dani. And you still haven’t answered me.” Beard pointed out.

“Beard, how can you ask if being with my son makes me happy?”

“You know that’s not what I’m asking. In fact, you’re openly lying to him by keeping up this charade.”

“Don’t call me a liar.”

“If the shoe fits.”

“What’s your aim here, Beardo? You tryin’ to get me angry? What, so I get so mad yellin’ at you that I spill the truth?” Beard watched his closest friend quietly.

“You saved me. And then you kept me going. And then you brought me here and I found the happiness I’d been searching for my whole life. A real, happy life here with you, the team, Jane… All I want is for you to be happy. Truly happy.”

“What if my happiness ain’t about being in Richmond?” Ted asked. Roy snorted.

“What if it is? I ain’t being funny, but when Rebecca told me practically word for word what she’d said to you - I fuckin’ cried like a baby. I’d have bloody, I dunno, married her on the spot if she’d said that shit to me! I just don’t get how you could hear it and it mean nothing to you.”

“It didn’t mean nothin’.” Ted said quietly.

“You’ve an odd way of showing that my friend. And you’ve come a long way to still not know what you actually want. You asked me on the plane if we were doing the right thing - were we crazy? Yes. I can tell you right now, 100% that we were crazy to get on that plane. That’s why I got off.”

“Did I ever tell you about that absolute bollocking Rebecca gave me just before the end of last season when I got Beard to do the press conference instead of me?” Roy asked. The other men shook their heads. “She really gave me an earful. She asked if the plan for the rest of my life was to walk away if it gets hard. She asked what I really wanted. Told me I’d convinced myself that I didn’t deserve anything good. She told me to get out of my own way.”

“A wise woman.”

“She is. So I did as I was told. She was right, she’s always right.”

“Fellas, I came because you both had me worried about her. I always figured that she’d be ok once she’d gotten over the shock, that was the thing upsetting her and she’d soon get over it.”

“She got over the shock. It’s you she can’t get over.”

“Michelle… Michelle agrees with Beard. First time ever - stop the presses!” Ted held his hands up, smiling softly. “I told her what you’d said and she thinks Rebecca might love me.” Roy brought his hands up in a slow, sarcastic clap.

“Well done Coach Obvious. Now tell me why you weren’t brave enough to tell her how you really feel?”

“Cos of Henry. I can’t be an absent dad.”

“Mate. I have known a lifetime of absent dads. In every team, every school, every community there’s the dads - and moms - who aren’t there. You aren’t one of them.”

“But I am if I’m an ocean away.” Roy shook his head firmly.

“No, it’s not about physical absence. It’s up here.” He tapped his head. “In the wise words of Rebecca Welton, get out of your own head man.” Before Ted could reply, Leslie appeared at the window.

“Ooh, is this a diamond dogs situation?” He asked.

“No, no. I don’t deserve to be a diamond dog today, Higgy. Good to see you.” Ted got up to hug the shorter man.

“Once a dog, always a dog Ted. And I’m firmly team Roy based on what I’ve just heard. My boys know that they can reach me whenever they need to, I don’t have to be hovering around them every minute of the day.”

“Thanks. Hey, how’s the boss doin’?”

“It’s been a strange day. Bury your ex-husband and then the love of your life turns up unexpectedly… It’s a lot. I suspect she’s recovering with a glass of wine in the garden.” He’d lost Ted somewhere around the ‘love of your life’ mark…

Rebecca was indeed in the garden. Stretched out on a blanket, eyes closed against the sun. She was doing some breathing exercises Sharon had recommended. As Rebecca continued to refuse to make an appointment, Sharon had instead sent through some guided meditation suggestions. Though she’d laughed them off at the time, they had been useful on particularly dark nights when sleep was harder to come by than usual. When her tears had run out but she’d still not managed to fall asleep. When she was so exhausted that not even a couple of shots of whiskey tipped her into a dreamless sleep. Or if she did sleep briefly, but woke in the night drenched in sweat and not remotely rested. She listened to the soothing voice via the earbuds, tried to feel it deep in her bones and tried to follow the instructions. She could feel it starting to work, starting to relax her. Until a call interrupted the app with a slight buzz. She tapped her ear to answer the call, expecting Keeley.

“Hey Becca. I’m outside, can I come in?” Hearing Ted’s deep voice directly into her ear after so long… she felt lightning coursing through her veins and she sprung up off the blanket. She cleared her throat, scratchy after spending the last couple of hours in blissful silence.

“The gate’s open.” She pulled the buds from her ears and stood up to greet him, finally. It wasn’t until he’d rounded the corner into the garden that she noticed just how short her shorts were, and how thin her vest was. And how the wide neck and arm holes of the baggy vest exposed her plain black bra underneath. “Shit. Shit shit shit.” She tried to drag the blanket up from the ground but it caught under her foot and twisted around her calf, pulling her leg out from under her. She could feel herself falling forwards but Ted caught her with one hand at her elbow and one around her waist.

“Woah, you ok?” The blanket pooled around her feet, Ted kept his eyes on hers.

“Yes. Yeah, just realised how underdressed I am, I was trying to cover up a bit.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have come. I can go?” 

“No. No, please don’t. Just… just let me change. Make us some drinks?” She stepped carefully away from the blanket and into the house. She could still feel the heat from his hands on her skin, his breath on her shoulder. She hadn’t been able to look at him, hadn’t wanted to see her own reflection in his sunglasses lenses. She retreated to her room and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a more suitable vest. God she hoped he’d gone for the booze, she’d need the kind of courage only supplied by alcohol to get through this. She’d spent ten long weeks scrolling straight past the photos Keeley forwarded to her, avoided looking at his picture on the wall of fame corridor. She quite literally hadn’t laid eyes on him in all that time. Stepping into the kitchen was like a weird reverse deja vu of the morning after he, Beard and Jane had stayed the night. He’d looked so good that morning, if waking up to that every day was an option she’d take it every time. She’d been able to hear Beard and Jane through the walls that night, she’d wondered if Ted could hear them too. That night was the first and only time she’d willingly let her mind wander to how Ted’s hands might feel on her, whether his mustache would tickle against her skin. Her hand had slipped down into her pajama shorts as she pictured him above her, pressing hot kisses into her throat and gripping her hips, the weight of his body on hers. She shook off the memory and watched as he poured her a gin and tonic. The Kansan sun had given him a tan, he’d taken his sunglasses off and she could finally see the deep hazel of his eyes.

“You prefer gin in the summer, right?”

“I do, yes. Thanks.” She took a long drink, trying to buy a little extra time. 

“I’m sorry about Rupert. I hope you’ve been ok? And I hope Bex is coping?”

“Thank you. I can’t say I’m not unaffected by it. I was married to him after all. I just feel relieved, actually. He’s never going to appear when I least expect it. Never going to tell me in some underhand way that I’m not dressed appropriately or suggest that I’ve put weight on or I’m looking old. It’s nice to be free of that.”

“I’ll bet. How was the service?”

“I didn’t get to Rick-Roll anyone.”

“That’s unfortunate.”

“I know.” She offered a tiny smile, an olive branch. They sat quietly for a few minutes, Rebecca reached for her phone. Ted had brought it in with him along with the blanket which he’d folded and put on the table. She put on a generic 90s playlist through her speaker system and turned the volume down. She took a steadying breath and turned to watch him for a moment over the rim of her glass. He looked tired, his tan was slightly lighter around his eyes. It was strange to see him out of his Richmond kit, in just a simple blue t-shirt. He either hadn’t styled his hair, or he’d been pulling at it all day. He looked softer. He looked breathtaking. She looked at his hands around his glass of gin, big hands with pianist fingers. She found herself wondering if he’d ever played a musical instrument, of all the silly questions. She felt that she knew so much about him, but so little at the same time. “So… how’s Kansas? How’s Henry?”

“Kansas generally is ok, hot. Unchanged. Henry is… well he’s mad at me. Turns out he’s been confiding in Beardo.”

“At least he’s been talking to someone. Why is he mad at you? I’m surprised he’s not over the moon that you’re-” she couldn’t bring herself to say home, “there. With him.”

“Oh he is, I think. He’s mad that I left.”

“Ah. Missing his jetset lifestyle.”

“Somethin’ like that. He’s got it in his head that I’m not happy.”

“Are you?”

“If I had a dollar for everytime someone had asked me that damn question in the last week.”

“I suppose they’d stop asking if you answered it.”

“S’pose they would.” He looked at her, tracing the pattern on her glass with her fingertip. “How about you? Are you happy?” a breath of laughter, an exhale as Trent called it.

“I’m fine.”

“Bet you can’t look me in the eye and say that.”

“Why should I have to? I’m not the one that left.” Anger flashed across her face.

“Ouch. Yep, I deserved that one.”

“You don’t need or get to know how I am or how I’m feeling.”

“Now hold on, I’m still your friend-”

“I can’t be your friend, Ted. Not right now. Maybe one day, but not now. I can’t be the woman pining over her best friend for all eternity.” She rolled her eyes. “I need space so that I can move on, and then maybe I could be your friend again.” The tension rose up between them like a wall. Gin fuelled honesty tumbled from Rebecca like a waterfall, “I need to make myself understand and believe that I am enough, just as I am. I can’t do that if I’m busy being a friend to someone who thinks I’m not enough. I have friends here who do believe in me, I’m choosing them.” She finished her drink and moved around the kitchen island to get another. 

“You are enough, Rebecca.”

“Clearly not. Clearly I’m missing or not understanding something very fundamental because when I’m with you, it’s like I can finally breathe, and it’s been like that for so long now I hardly noticed it happening. And now you’re not here and I have to learn to breathe again. It’s like I’m fucking suffocating in my own sadness, I’m pitiful.”

“Why didn’t you tell-”

“No. No, don’t you dare ask me why I didn’t tell you. I think I made my feelings perfectly fucking clear before you left. Multiple times. What do you need? Shall I get the lads to lie down on the pitch and spell it out? Get them to perform a dance number? You’re good with the public declarations, you tell me.”

“I’m sorry. I was… blinded by what I thought I needed to do. I couldn’t bring myself to believe what you were saying. I pushed it away, put it down to the leaving blues.”

“You truly thought I’d lie to you to keep you here? That I’d lie about how much I fucking love you?”

“I don’t know what I thought. I know you wouldn’t lie to me, but I believed that I was too much. I am too much.”

“Too much of an idiot, Ted Lasso. You are a ridiculous and infuriating man and my god, I wish I hadn’t said anything. If I could take it back, I would.”

“Just the words?”

“What?”

“Would you take back just the words or would you not… love me, if you had the chance?” Ted stumbled over the words.

“Not loving you is not an option, but I can’t keep dragging my heart out here to keep getting ignored. I shouldn’t have said what I did, regardless of how I feel. I shouldn’t have suggested you to stay, and we’d both be living in blissful ignorance.” Rebecca pressed a shaking hand to her forehead, the ice from the glass she’d been holding cooling her down. “I can’t keep doing this Ted. I’m tired. I’m so tired. You either feel the same, or you don’t, and I think I know which it is. I need you to go and get out of my life so I can get over you. I can’t do it while you're here haunting me. If you were any friend then you would accept that.” Her voice trembled. “I think you should leave now, please?” She turned away from him slightly, leaning on the island with one hand, the other coming down from her forehead to cover her eyes.

Ted felt his blood ignite. He’d been the one blindsided by leaving, not her. Pushing everything but Henry to one side, ignoring his own intuition and every cosmic suggestion at the expense of ‘doing the right thing’. He hadn’t checked in with his heart and gut. It had taken Beard, Henry, Michelle, Roy and Beard again to drag him back to the UK. But it had taken Rebecca for him to really see what was right in front of him all along. The one who’d been there from the start, who’d matched him measure for measure in personal growth and overcoming history. The one who’s baggage lined up perfectly with his. Her. 

"Holy shit." He whispered. 

"God, what now?!"

"Ask me again." Rebecca looked incredulous. "Ask me if I'm happy?" She shook her head. 

"Fine. Are you happy, Ted? Are you fucking happy?"

"No. No I'm fucking not, I'm miserable. Miserable and stupid - so stupid. I love you. I've always loved you, it's always been you." Rebecca shook her head again. 

"No, don't say it because you think it's the right thing to do. That's cruel Ted, don't be cruel."

"Baby, I'm done doing things because I think they're the right thing to do. My barometer of the right thing to do is way, way off. You're the right thing. Henry is happiest when he has two parents who are happy, and that isn't necessarily in the same town, or even the same country. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life, Becca." Tears streamed down Ted's face. Rebecca was in front of him in an instant, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling him close. One of his hands found her hip and pulled her even closer while the other went into her hair. Their foreheads meet, she was shorter without her killer heels so she had to reach up to kiss the tears away. He laughed softly before holding her still so he could kiss her properly. Her knees gave out and the hand on her hip moved to wrap around her waist to hold her up. His fingertips brushed across her lower back, making her gasp and allowing him to deepen the kiss. He nipped her bottom lip and she carded her hands through his hair, pulling gently. He turned them both on the spot and backed her into the island, pressing his whole body against her before trailing kisses down her jawline. She leaned back to give him more access, pushing her core against him. With the counter holding her up, he moved a hand back to her hip, again, pulling her as closely as possible. She ground her hips against him.

"You are such a ridiculous man." She managed to mutter. He hummed against her skin somewhere around her collarbone. 

"But I'm your ridiculous man. Is this ok, do you want to stop?" Rebecca moaned.

"I swear to god Ted, if you stop I'll personally put you on the next plane to Kansas and arrange for you to be barred from ever coming back." He paused fully to laugh. "Please don't stop, Ted" She whined. He quickly turned his attention back to her. 

"I got you baby, I'm not going anywhere." 

She grasped at the hem of his t-shirt, pulled it up and over his head and let it drop on the floor. She ran her hands up his arms and into his hair again, planting mirroring kisses to his shoulder and neck as he had to her. 

"If I knew you kissed like this, I'd have done it a long time ago." She bit his jaw, making him growl and bring her lips back to his. 

"We could have had more time, I'm sorry." He mumbled.

"Stop saying sorry, just, ohh-" she lost all coherent thought as his hand moved up to cup her breast over her vest, grazing across her nipple.

"Just what, honey?" She didn't reply, only moved slightly so that his knee was between her legs. He read her mind and pushed his thigh against her center. The change meant she could feel his length pressing into her hip, giving them both the friction they were craving. She sighed happily. With her caged between his thigh and the kitchen counter, he freed his hands to remove her vest and didn't waste any time in unclipping her bra as well. 

"Please Ted, I need you. I've needed you for so long."

"You thought about this?"

"Once or twice." She traced a hand around the waistband of his khaki shorts, popping the button. "Less so recently. It made me too sad to think I'd never have this. Never have you." He cupped her cheek gently and kissed her again.

"Well, I'm going to make it up to you. Again and again and again. Becca I've dreamed of this since the day I met you."

"Less talking, show me." She started to push the shorts down but he held her hands against the counter.

"Patience, Welton." He murmured, pulling the straps of her bra down her arms and following their trail with kisses. He reached down to pick her up, a squeal of surprise in his ear and her arms looped around his neck, he carried her the few steps to the table where she could sit more comfortably, and he could see and reach all of her. Once he'd put her down, he took a half step back just to look at her. "Jeez,  Rebecca. You're so beautiful." He reached for her quickly, kissing her briefly before dipping to her breasts. "So fucking beautiful." She heard him whisper against her skin, making her shiver. He gently pushed her to lie back on the table and continued to kiss and nip a path down her stomach. She squirmed beneath him, but at feeling his fingers hook onto the waistband of her sweatpants and underwear, she stopped to look at him. He'd rested his chin on her hip bone and was gazing up her body, a silent question in his eyes. She nodded and lifted her bottom slightly off the table so he could remove them. She flushed, embarrassed. Sensing as much, he took her hand, pulled her back to sitting up and kissed her. "Would it help if I tell you that it's just as overwhelming for me to see you like this, as it is for you to be as exposed as this?" She laughed a little and kissed him back. 

"It's been a while, that's all. And probably never as intense?" He nodded, understanding. 

"I know baby, it's been a slow burn." She tried once again to drag his shorts off, but he was quick to stop her. "But it'll be over much too soon if you have your way. Now, keep your hands to yourself, lay back and let me make you feel good, sweetheart." He smirked as she leaned back on her elbows, propped up so she could see him. He placed her legs over his shoulders and littered kisses from her knees up her thighs, settling at her center. With a final glance up at her, he traced his tongue through her folds before teasing her clit. A flurry of expletives and moans tumbled from her, she lay back again, unable to support herself on shaking arms. Instinctively, she reached down to run her hands through his hair again, he grabbed her hips and pulled her closer to his mouth. 

"God, Ted!" Her breath caught in a gasp. He palmed himself through his shorts. He kissed and licked random paths across her sensitive core before slipping two fingers inside her. He moaned, pressing his lips against her clit, his mustache gently scratching her. He curled his fingers and pumped them inside her, feeling her unravel around him. She came harder than she expected, with his tongue at her clit and his fingers guiding her through. He watched her throughout, with dark eyes. She lay utterly boneless on the table. He took her hand to help her sit up, "Please, Ted. You're killing me, I need you inside me." She pulled him closer with shaking hands,

"Fuck, Becca what a way to go. That was more than I ever imagined." He let his khakis and boxers fall to the floor. Rebecca put all thoughts out of her mind, but she couldn't help but remember Sassy's comments on Ted which were for once, 100% correct. Rebecca hesitated before taking him in hand. She leaned in to kiss him, tasting herself on his mouth. He bucked against her, "Do we need-" Rebecca cut him off with another kiss.

"I'm clear. You?" He nodded. She lined him up, and he pushed slowly inside her. Her head fell into the crook of his neck with a low moan, "Good god, Ted." Once he'd bottomed out inside her, he nipped her shoulder, marking her skin and began twisting his tongue around her nipple. She grabbed his biceps while her body relaxed around him. 

"Ok?" She nodded against him. 

"This feels so… so good. Please, I need you to move, I need you-" He cut her off with a kiss, "I love you." She breathed, brushing a hand across his cheek. 

"I love you." He rocked into her, agonisingly slowly at first, he could feel the tension building inside her again at the way she grasped at his arms and met him with every thrust.

“More.” She managed to groan into his ear, placing a wet kiss to the corner of his mouth. He set a punishing pace, barely slowing as she came again and clenched around him. He slipped a hand between them and pressed against her clit,

“Come on baby, one more for me.”

“Fuck, Ted don’t stop-” They clung to each other as he ground hard against her. With a final push, he spilled into her but didn’t let up the pace - determined to see her fall apart again. He captured her in a hot kiss as she came a final time with his name on her lips. She leaned against him, unable to hold her body upright any longer. 

“God, Becca you’re gorgeous. That was incredible.” She shivered against him and he reached behind her to get the blanket he’d brought in earlier, wrapping it around her shoulders. She looped her arms around his waist, laying her head against his pounding heart. 

“I don’t think I can move.” She mumbled.

“You don’t gotta, baby, I got you.” He stepped out from the grip of her thighs and took one last look down her body before pulling on his boxers and handing her his t-shirt. She pushed the blanket away and dragged the t-shirt over her head. “Well, that won’t take long then.” He chucked.

“What won’t?” She smiled, sweeping her hair from her face.

“Til I’m ready for you again, seeing you in my clothes is… a sight. And we’ve got some time to make up for.”

“Well this is a side of Ted Lasso I didn’t expect to see” She grinned, finally hopping down from the table and coming up behind him.

“I don’t have to hide how much I want you anymore, so I don’t intend to.”

“Hmm. Same.” She kissed between his shoulder blades and reached over for her long forgotten drink, downing the contents. On the counter, her phone buzzed with a call. She answered it, leaving it on speaker phone.

“Hey babes, how’re you feeling? Do you want me to bring some food over?” Keeley asked kindly.

“I’m ok thanks Keeley. I’m feeling much... better.”

“Oh good, have you eaten?” Rebecca smirked.

“Not yet. Maybe later.”

“You should eat, you’ll make yourself ill.”

“I could eat, and she’s right - you should eat. I’ll order something.” Ted spoke up.

“Ok, menus are over there.” She pointed to the other side of the kitchen.

“Rebecca?”

“Yes Keeley, sorry, I forgot you were there for a second.”

“Ted’s there?” Keeley stage whispered.

“I am indeed Ms Jones. Shall I invite her for dinner?”

“Good idea. Want to come over Keeley? Just give me half hour to umm… choose us something and call an order through.” Keeley didn’t answer. “Keeley?”

“Yes! Yes, I’ll be there. Shall I bring Roy and Beard?” She squeaked. Ted nodded,

“Sure, sounds good. See you soon.” Rebecca hit the end call button and collapsed into giggles. “Think she knows?”

“Oh, almost certainly. You order food, I’ll go and start the shower.” Ted couldn’t help but watch Rebecca leave the room, his t-shirt barely covering her. He called for food and cleaned up after them before following her upstairs, determined to make the half hour count.

Keeley, Roy and Beard were on the doorstep before dinner - but only just. Keeley took one look at Rebecca and squealed.

“I fucking knew it! Holy shit girl, you look thoroughly fucked - nice one, Ted!” Rebecca shook her head with a smile, holding the door open wide for them all. The late summer sun had gone down but it was still warm so they moved out to the garden to eat and drink.

“So,” Beard said, pointing his beer at Ted. “If I ask again?” Ted gestured for him to continue. “Are you happy?”

“I am now.” The small group cheered and raised their glasses and bottles.

“Do you have a plan?”

“Nope.”

“How long will you stay?”

“Indefinitely.” Ted smiled and leaned across his seat to kiss Rebecca.

“Whoo! Yesss, Julia Roberts. We are not letting you go again!” Keeley grinned.

“We absolutely are not.” Rebecca agreed, taking his hand.

“You gotta get a new job though. You ain’t havin’ mine.” Roy grumbled.

[hughiecampbelle]

I mean you know I had to come and be shipped. Male character please. ISTJ, Virgo, and Gryffindor. The Eldest Sibling. I'm 5'9 which is considered average and in my family is considered short. Trans Dude with long hair because I refuse to cut it although this also means I've lost more hair ties than I can keep track of. Glasses. Penchant for wearing graphic t-shirts, patterned button downs, jeans, or hoodies if the weather permits. I own no single pair of normal socks anymore (that's a fact I pride on, they're all some sort of pattern). Sarcastic. Quiet until you get to know me or until I'm comfortable. I swear a lot which shocks people. Mentally Ill (depression, anxiety, OCD). Autistic. Dream Job is to be a film editor or honestly in the industry in some capacity. I watch too many movies in about every genre. Read a lot, probably more than I should in comparison to actually adventuring outside. But I love roaming cities, heading to concerts, plays, musicals. Record store trips, thrift shops all the time. Listen to any genre of music and have too many favorite artists to list. Irrational fear of deep sea fish. Favorite color is green. Favorite animal is a tiger. Does this help, hopefully! Honestly if you're overwhelmed with ships don't bother with mine just take it easy and I'll be fine. PS. Obv your shipped with Roman, I just. Yeah I mean you two would absolutely vibe.

Noah!!!! I ship you with: Kendall Roy!!!

He loves your sarcasm. He can't help it, whenever you have a comeback or comment, it always makes him smile. You're fast with it, too. And you don't censor yourself. You're like that with everyone. He loves it. You can keep up with him, with Rome and Shiv. You have endless comments about his father though you're smart enough to keep those between you and him. He also loves how much you swear. The word fuck is like um or like with his family, it's between every word. He appreciates that you can keep up, that you're not shocked or disgusted by his own swearing. It doesn't make you a bad person or any less smart, it's just a way of expression.

You love that when he puts his mind to something, he gets it done. Kendall can get a little one minded when he's focused on something. That can be a little annoying to others, when he gets that focused, but you like it. It brings out this determination in him that you don't often see. It shows you, and the world, that he isn't just Logan Roy's son, but an entire being and entity on his own. That he's far more capable than people give him credit for.

Your relationship is emotional. Kendall is a bit of an emotional roller coaster. After being on a high and making pitches and taking over as CEO, he gets low and needs to isolate and typically drifts to the water. It's not always easy dealing with that, but you make it work. You make sure you're always communicating, talking, and working things through. He really is grateful for you and all that you do. You knew going into it that he was a complicated person with a lot of feelings and not that much, if any, support from his family. It's work, but in the end it's completely worth it. You love one another so much.

Your first date is to a record store. You know from the beginning that Kendall favors one genre above all else and is constantly wearing his headphones. You love fishing through the records and CD's, telling him all about the different artists and genres and time periods. And he loves to listen. If it were anyone else he might've been bored, but you make it interesting, you make it fun. You make him want to learn everything there is to know about all genres and types of music. It's a store you visit often after that, making fun of one another and what you listen to.

Relationship Headcanon: Kendall always keeps a hair tie on his wrist for you. He always replaces is when you need one. You never noticed for the longest time, he just always seemed to have one. Then one day it clicked: Kendall doesn't need them. His hair is too short. He wears them for you, when you need one. You don't say anything about it, but it's something you're reminded of often whenever you look at his wrist. He's doing it for you, because he loves you and cares about you and thinks about you.

Screaming, crying, I want to vibe with Roman so bad he is baby boy!!! I really hope you like it! 💜💜💜

[politelymenacing]

Finished my Series 3 rewatch in time for tonight's ep. Here are my rewarch thoughts that noone asked for.

Series 1 rewatch | Series 2 rewatch

Ted's description of rugby, mighty interesting. Never beating those bi allegations, my friend.

Jan Maas is Certified Statistics Guy (like in La Locker Room Aux Folles)

Oh interesting! Roy's choice of 4-4-2 explained is completely opposite to total football.

I am almost certain you cannot drive your car over that bridge towards the London Stadium, Nate.

I still can't get over Dani's face when he finds out someone writes Paddington's tweets for him.

"Ain't much more scary out there than a creepy clown, right?" Cut to Rupert. 👏

Colin doing down a manhole? Asdfghjkl

We know what Field of Dreams is the UK, man. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Ms Kakes looks like she is dressed as Princess Leia...?? Does this mean she will be part of Rupert's downfall??

OK, but what if the whole thing of Trent writing a book isn't news to Ted and he is just winding Trent up by pretending to think about it. Like they are actually friends now or Trent already texted him about asking Rebecca and this thing is an act.

Can we get an episode of Single Guys Club à la Beard After Hours?

Completely contradicting what I said above, but Ted reading a football book right after he finds out Trent is going to be hanging around... this is the guy who asked him if he could explain the offside rule and asked if he was a fucking joke.

The time on Keeley's phone is 11:09, but they just had wishing time which is 11:11! Continuity!!

Fuck off, Trent Crimm. 😂😂😂

Dani still smiles are Trent when the team are ignoring him. He is a precious pure soul and should be protected at all costs.

People bought Roy white orchids! In Series 2, he questioned how Jamie Carragher knew he like white orchids when he joined Sky Sports. Great little call back.

Again, Keeley's phone says that it's 14:00, but the TV says it's 13:32 straight after. Come on, guys!

Also they say that this game is the start of the season and later Rebecca congratulates Rupert on West Ham winning yesterday.

There's just no way that Roy doesn't know what Hallmark Christmas films are. They're on everywhere here (in July as well as December!) and he's definitely watched at least one with the yoga ladies.

Underrated joke:

Trent's little shake of the head when the rest of the Diamond Dogs agree Julie Andrews is worth fancying... 😂

What's that? Me getting emotional over Trent's reaction to being included and validated by Ted, Beard, and Roy?

The Norm Macdonald name check was a nice nod, but I promise you, the average person in the UK would have no idea who he was.

How did I not notice that when Zava shakes hands with Keeley he kisses his own hand?

What is the choice behind this reaction, Jason??

WILL

Ted popping out from behind Zava is still hilarious.

Gahhhhhh they fucked up the graphics of the table. After the Brentford match it should be played 7 and the points should be 19. (Maybe they have fixed this on Apple since?)

How pissed off is Isaac going to be when he finds out he has already met Colin's bf?

Rebecca's red dress. Oh boy.

Jamie's bit with the make-up artist for the Bantr advert is so cute.

MAY A YOUNG ROBERT RETFORD PORTRAY YOU IN A FILM SOMEDAY.

Oh Nate making a stupid joke that Ted would love and Rupert not getting it (or specifically pretending not to) 😭😭😭

What season is this supposed to be?? The timestamp on the CCTV of Nate said it was 2021 so that would have been the 20/21 season making this the 21/22 season, but Ted's text messages are dated throughout 2022. The latest being to Henry on 28th October 2022.

Beat them. LOL

Nice call back to series 1 of Nate spitting out the martini.

More quotes that make me nervous:

Stop letting the British characters say 'elevator' i beg of you.

I find it so unbearably uncomfortable that boat guy kisses Rebecca's foot. She should have kicked him in the face.

Isaac leopard print socks!

I can't believe they are tumbledrying Rebecca's fancy clothes.

Oh shit. The basketball game Ted remembers watching with his dad was June 1991. That's only 3 months before his dad killed himself. 😩

They were mad for this triangle hallucination business. Honestly.

When Jamie and Roy arrive back at the coach, the subtitles have Jamie saying "You lovely people", but it sounds so much like "you lucky people" and with the voice he does makes me question if it's a nod to a bicycle riding character in Spaced who says the same thing. Phil Dunster posted a video of the "inspiration" behind the bike scenes which was a clip with Simon Pegg who co-wrote the show, so maybe? VERY obscure if it is!

Still angry about Jack defacing the first edition of Sense and Sensibility.

Please learn how to say croissant.

Papa Obisanya looks like he gives such good hugs.

I love how subtly Will sticks his finger up at Jamie.

Another classic Will reaction:

The Good Dads Club:

I fucking love that Colin wore a hi-vis jacket to help clear up Sam's restaurant. Truly committing to the chameleon bit.

I will NEVER be over this:

Thought I would be ok watching this by now, but Billy's face just kills me.

Henry being so excited to see Nate 💔

BEARD AND HENRY 😭😭😭😭

I love Keeley and Rebecca's little head movements when Ted is singing his little heart-bent song. There are so many little moments where characters are in sync with each other's movement this series. Someone should make a gifset.

Ha! I missed this line last time. Drag him, Jade.

Still think Rebecca and Marcus would be cute together.

How can this show end without Sam playing for Nigeria??? IT'S SO FUCKING SAD.

God, Hannah looks so beautiful in blue.

So. Fucking. Fond. Look at his face when Ted is pretending that he didn't realised "The Devil" was Rupert...

Elodie is such a fab little actor. Her face when she works out what the name on Roy's shirt spells is fantastic.

HOW CAN ANYONE CALL SAM UGLY. HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL, PLEASE.

Sam Richardson is so great. I wish I didn't have to hate Akufo so much.

Another episode, another great reaction shot from everyone with MVP Will.

The bit before little Rebecca appears...was anyone else worried that he catching her breath was gonna be some cliché feeling faint because she was pregnant? Still a bit concerned tbh.

asdfghjkl Akufo is wearing a purple suit. Like Willy Wonka!

Oof. The Nathan stuff isn't any easier for me the second time round.

Concerned.

And these have been my thoughts.

[luwritesomething]

JASON TODD HEADCANONS!!

love of my life!!!! he deserves so much love so here i am, ready to provide.  these are my headcanons and i will admit NO hate towards them. also if you have any headcanon of your own for jason then comment because i might like it and add it to mines. 

requests are open! hit that anon button and tell me your idea!

warnings: probably swearing, and slight mentions of his death. also this hasn’t been proof-read so yeah, read at your own risk.

i’ve always headcanoned jason todd as italian american, although i can see him as latino too (i just don’t like the negative connotations that follow because he’s usuallt headcanoned as latino because anger)

definitely not because of harmful stereotypes but because i can see jason’s grandparents being part of that italian population that migrated to usa to follow the american dream and ended up living the american nightmare.

not the godfather-like with the mafia, but with italians barely surviving in the misery of america (which feats jason’s backstory).

also i headcanon his grandmother as a great cook and comfort-person to him.

jason learned to cook thanks to his grandmother and alfred, but his best dish is a lasagna recipe he learned from his grandmother.

this is my subtle way of telling you jason is a great cook. that’s canon, though. 

he doesn’t think too much about his sexual orientation a lot. jason doesn’t want to tie himself to an etiquette, that would bother him.

jason has had a polyamorus relationship with kori and roy. it was pretty healthy, tbh, but it’s over now.

he doesn’t really ‘do dating’. occasionally, one night stands are alright, but jason isn’t really into those either. he’s sure that whenever he meets someone that is meant to be and falls in love, he’ll handle it well.

he won’t because he self-sabotages and doesn’t leet people in, but if it’s really really meant to be he will eventually overcome it.

curses a lot. probably also in front of kids, and gets nervous when the kids repeat those words.

however, jason actually is very good with kids. he’s the babysitter of his shitty neighborhood, and kids love him.

jason doesn’t drink alcohol like ever. he has seen (bc of his parents) what addiction looks like and feels like and he prefers to leave himself out of it.

Child Protector™.

raging feminist and all for equality and fairness.

he smokes a big amount. just becayse, he has no real reason to do so. (he doesn’t consider smoking an addiction. anyways)

jason is the Best Neighbor™.

he loves his siblings equally, he just has a different relationship with each one. dick is his bro, tim is his smartass, damian is his little monster brother, duke is his buddy, steph is his fun sister and cass is his chill sister.

i’m kidding, his favorite is cass.

bookworm. (CANON)

loves classic. his favorite is... lolz he doesn’t even know himself, how would i know?

secretely enjoys ballet and keeps all the tickets of the ballets he has gone to.

damian found out about this (^^) and jason bribed him with a stray cat that kept coming around his apartment for his silence.

now damian has a play date every thursday at five at jason’s with the stray cat, because damian and jason know better than just snatch a stray cat.

anyways,,

sleeps either butt-naked or with sweatpants, no boxers. 

claims he hates rom-coms.

actually loves them, they give him comfort and fuzzy feelings.

jason congratulates alfred every year on father’s day (and it always brings alfred to tears when he’s alone).

listen to me !! jason has READING GLASSES !!!!!!!!!!

okay.

doesn’t wear same color socks.

lack of self-care. dick or stephanie will randomely swing by his place from month to month to do face masks and drink water. 

sometimes jason forgets to shave and doesn’t notice unless someone tells him.

probably wanted to own a water bed as a kid.

he looks even hotter with his reading glasses.

i’m obssesed okay !!!

his favorite justice league member is wonder woman and has merchandising to prove it.

jason has gone to two lady gaga’s concerts. one dragged by dick, other by himself. 

he loves blankets. being under a blanket, no matter the reason, will always be comforting for him.

hates finger guns.

jason doesn’t handle the heat well. which means he handles it horribly and gets stupidly annoying.

cheesy and cocky, but actually an introvert. what can i say, he’s complicated.

clowns creep him out. speaks for itself.

does great impressions of the batfam.

he doesn’t do alfred or cass, though.

likes animals. not as much as damian, but still.

doesn’t use crowbars. no, like, i refuse. nope.

swears he doesn’t smoke.

three seconds rule apologist. i mean, he lived in the streets, guys.

steph did his nails once. he enjoyed it, 7/10, would do it again.

his favorite sibling to tease is damian, closely followed by tim.

has called the fucking bat-cow ‘meat’.

damian punched him for it.

works out too much for his own good, but calls it self-care.

tea >>> coffee. fight him on this, he’ll chew on your bones.

has read the silmarillion, acts like he understood it. 

actually likes galas. 

in those he only has two types of conversations: hypothetical ‘what if’ moral questions to see if someone has the same concept as justice as him and/or recommending books (mostly classics)

bruce has to drag him away from people when he gets annoying with those two types of conversations (CANON, see batman: wayne family adventures.)

big wuthering heights apologist & enjoyer.

damian actually listens to jason’s book recs and gives him feedback about them. it’s their bonding activity. 

jason has a bonding activity with everyone from the batfam.

only writes with red pen.

would make a great team with deadpool, fight me on this.

makes a lot of ‘your mom’ jokes because it infuriates tim.

types text with no caps, emojis and no abbreviations. he uses emojis a lot, he’s a menace.

has been kicked out of the wayne family chat numerous times for innaporpiate behavior aka spamming, cursing, spamming with emojis and other little shenanigans.

he barely listens to music, but if he did, it would be rock, alternative... you know, all the jazzy stuff.

he needs love, he told me himself.

also his love language is cooking and physical contact because he’s touch starved (he also told me himself)

[saintvitusdancexd]

Christian borle quotes

“Why does every leading man have to be barrel chested and have a chin, isnt there room for the chinless men”

“Oh. He’s praying”

“Ai ai! Oompa-loompa-loo ca ca cao cao oompa-loompa want it now now now Ai ai ai ai! oompa-loompa wanna chew chew chew”

“Towards the boobs”

“Bobby canavale and I hugged in a way which suggested that we both dated Sutton foster”

Interviewer: what’s a sweet treat that you cannot resist? “Kristin Chenoweth?”

“I have been using it in real life and let me tell you the bend and snap works very well”

“Drinking :)”

“You weren’t just rude to these nice people you were rude to me”

“I saw the elephant man too early in my life”

“I was president and co-founder of the Ed grimley club”

“She was really discovering a whole new world in her bonnet”

“The rock star of 1595”

*talking about a conversation he had with the casting person for legally blonde* “she told me Your emmet isn’t handsome, to which I thought oh that’s great :(, and he said, and I told her, that’s the point🙄”

“That’s not water”

“She was that wicky wacky hula hula honka wonka Honolulu
Hawaiian honey of mine
When I saw her in the hut
She was cracking coconuts
With a crazy kind of rhythm double-time
I'm gonna build a little wicky wacky ticky tacky
Sugar shacky love nest out of pine
For that wicky wacky hula hula honka wonka Honolulu
wicky wacky hula hula honka wonka Honolulu
Hawaiian honey of mine”

“God how the young- your smoking pot now aren’t you”

“Just basically thrust everything that has been given to me by nature in their faces for like three minutes straight”

Interviewer: how do you not fall in love with Andrew Rannels? “You just do, that’s the easy part, that’s the best part”

“I vote we use the cock sock to keep the white wine cold”

“BOOK NOOK”

Interviewer: what’s your spirit animal? “This is a two part answer, first is, it would be a toad. The second is, a rabid coyote”

“Half of my work is just turning around and shaking what the good lord gave me”

“He was a Tony nominee which I was before I won a tony”

“ I almost liked you in that last scene way to go”

“ im going to start with a slight loofa, im going to Segway maybe have myself a glass of champagne, I’ll do a very light foundation that you won’t be able to see the whole point is that it doesn’t look like im wearing makeup, I’ll probably drag a flat iron through my hair, i think im going to wear two different undershirts, one for luck and one for sweat, I’ll then get into my suit, then get out of my suit so that I can eat, i don’t wanna spill anything on it, pick a tie, then double think the tie, then triple think the tie then go with my original tie, put on my shoes and walk out the door, simple”

Interviewer: maybe the leather pants “no I pretty much enjoy them too”

“@naightyjack-a-nape it dost confound to think such a knavish iron-witted dog-ape like Christian borle is popular with anyone but the whores and groundlings”

“Booze”

“I don’t find it awkward changing pants I do it every day”

Interviewer: I thought you shaved your head for this role “ I sure did” so then why do you have hair there? “Just shut up”

“Seriously I just urinated all over my pants and this couch”

“I’m learning how his hips move”

Interviewer: what does it look like when your trying to resist it “well that’s how I lost my hair”

“You couldn’t hate me, I’m, im too lovable”

“Whizzer a supposed to always be here, making dinner, set to screw, that’s what pretty boys should do”

“Shalom from hell”

“Those two tigers who ended up eating Siegfried and Roy were talented too”

“Or I could just gouge my own eyes out”

“The world is better with you in it, just not my world”

“And for your information, homophobe, that critic wasnt in your pocket, he was having sex with your father”

“I felt like a little boy, in an arena of men and women”

“I love you, as much as I am able, considering wealthy, considering your poor”

“IS MY GIRL GORGEOUS”

“Then he caught a chicken disease, called cockodoodleitis”

“Green eggs and ham, green eggs and fuckin ham”

“I like to look at tall men in mesh shorts”

“You wake up one morning with hair on your balls, and suddenly you think I don’t exist”

“I haven’t worn deodorant in a decade”

“It’s just a bit of windy”

“Other shin”

“Cock sock talk with jack Davenport”

Who’s dick is in the microwave, is that what we’re playing already?”

“Less Karen’s parents, more gay sex”

“I bet your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard but I’m not interested”

“It helps that in real life I am just a raging narcissist”

[dragonmuse]

I would love something about some izzy and lucius date nights

(hi anon! I was going to do a lot of lighthearted ideas first, but this is what landed with me. All italics are quotes. This is not long after they are officially boyfriends.)

“What are your feelings on theater?” Lucius asked as he walked in the door. 

“It exists.” Izzy was dicing up bell peppers in very exact squares. “Did I know you were coming today?” 

“Nope,” Lucius took off his shoes and then amused himself by sliding over the wood floors in his socks to to the island. “Surprise and hello.” 

“Hello,” Izzy set down the knife, turning to face him. With a smirk, Lucius leaned down to kiss him and that took up a very pleasant interval. 

“Anyway,” Lucius gave him a last peck on the corner of his lips. “One of the regulars gave me tickets to a matinee and I thought you might want to come with.” 

“Pete said no?” Izzy guessed. 

“Didn’t bother asking, he’s not a fan.”  

“What play is it?” 

“Angels in America. Only the first part.” 

“Never heard of it.” 

“Yeah that doesn’t surprise me. Wanna give it a shot?” 

He turned back to his pepper to finish what he’d started. “Might as well.” 

Lucius wrapped an arm around his midsection, and tucked his cheek beside Izzy’s. 

“I love when you try new things. Hope you don’t hate it.” 

Worst case scenario, Izzy figured he could zone out like he did when Lucius put on a movie that went over his head. It’d be fine.  

He did not zone out. The theater was small, but the stage was set up cleverly, scenery repurposed one bit of dialogue to the next. He wasn’t sure what was happening half the time.  The characters spoke in strange rhythms, but the actors were good. Compelling. Some of the lines speared off the stage and right into him. 

I usually say ‘Fuck the truth’ but mostly, the truth fucks you.

You’re scared. So am I. Everybody is in the land of the free. 

We have reached a verdict, Your Honor. This man’s heart is deficient. He loves, but his love is worth nothing. 

I’ve thought about it for a very long time and I still don’t understand what love is. Justice is simple. Democracy is simple. Those things are unambivalent. But love is very hard. And it goes bad for you if you violate the hard law of love. 

But mostly, he watched Roy Cohen implode. The vitriol and lies that spewed out from him. He was Horngiold, he was Da. He was...well. Izzy hoped he had changed enough not to become that. Not anymore. 

“What did you think?” Lucius asked in a hushed voice after the angel had made her entrance and the curtains closed on it. 

“I don’t know,” he rubbed his hands against his thighs, palms damp. “It was a lot. I fucking hate Louis.” 

“Yeah, he’s a miserable shit.” 

“Who leaves their lover when they're dying? That’s morally bankrupt.” 

The actors came out to take bows and applause got in the way of conversation for a while. After, they had to file out and that was loud too, but they were at last ejected out into the street. 

“You want a coffee?” Lucius asked. 

They wound up at a cafe at a too small table. Izzy held the paper cup in both hands, letting the heat bleed into his fingers.  

“What did you think of it?” Izzy asked. 

“It’s...kind of painful, isn’t it?” 

“Which part?” 

“I think the Harper and Joe parts got to me the most. Wouldn't have called that, last time I barely noticed them.” Lucius picked idly at the cardboard sleeve around his drink. “People who are supposed to take care of each other, but won’t even listen, can’t hear each other. That’s hard to watch. Prior’s whole thing is interesting.” 

“I like the ghosts,” Izzy offered.

“The prior Priors. Clever bit with that,” Lucius nodded. “Do you remember some of that? With AIDS?” 

“Little bit,” Izzy allowed. “But not in a way that I connected to myself. Though I don’t know...the fear was there. In the air.” 

They both let that sit for a bit, drinking their coffee. Then Lucius slid a hand across the table and touched Izzy’s wrist. Just two fingers, a small point of connection. 

“Want to see the second half next weekend?” 

It wasn’t really Izzy’s thing. He wasn’t sure he’d understood it. Was sure that Lucius would have a better time with Bonnet, who would analyze it all to death with him.  Or maybe one of his artist friends that liked to talk in loopy metaphors. 

But he was curious about the angel and the fate of the dark heart of Roy Cohen.  

And...well. Lucius was asking him. That meant something. 

“What day?”  

I don't know if it's not braver to die, but I recognize the habit; the addiction to being alive. So we live past hope. If I can find hope anywhere, that's it, that's the best I can do. It's so much not enough. It's so inadequate. But still bless me anyway. I want more life.