#i love this story and characters but i didn't actually deep-dive into them so idk if what i wrote is realistic or not. sorry if it's ooc.

[lolhex12]

LitC brainrot

disclaimer: i'm not trying to romanticize this fucked up situation. it's just that a scenario popped into my head and i thought i'd share since there's very little LitC content on this platform and the hiatus is killing me.

end of chap 82, cirrus starts crying and apologizing after basically assaulting skylar. he realizes how fucked up what he's doing is and mentions how dirty he feels.

cirrus gets off him and curls up in the corner of the couch, apologizing repeatedly and profusely, tears pouring out like waterfalls, his breathing becoming more and more erratic by the second bc how could he do sth like that to anyone? especially skylar? so dirty and disgusting and he doesn't like to be like his old teacher. and he doesn't want skylar to leave him like everyone else but he keeps fucking everything up.

skylar, after his initial shock and distress, sobers up quickly when he realizes cirrus' spiral is serious. he'd rather run to his room and lock the door bc 'wtf was this guy doing', but he can't leave cirrus alone in the middle of an oncoming panic attack.

sitting up and getting closer to cirrus, who's still murmuring apologies, skylar reaches out for the hands covering cirrus' face. "hey. hey. breathe." the come more apologies and mentions of how 'he didn't mean to do that'. "stop. we'll talk abt that later. right now i need you to breathe"

cirrus gets pulled in and he's so glad he gets that much after what he'd done. that he gets pulled closer instead of pushed away despite his mistake(s). he goes to grab at skylar's torso, to hold onto the person he doesn't want to disappear, but the hands that pulled him in by the back of his head quickly move to his shoulders the second cirrus' hands brush the skylar's t-shirt.

"stop." cirrus freezes, hands in the air, less than an inch away from contact. skylar's hands on his shoulders push him away but never leave where they're touching him.

for a second, cirrus is confused. then emotion bubbles up when he realizes that he has been pushed away. the apologies and tears start anew as if a new dam broke.

skylar, brows pinched in concern: "no, don't do that. calm down." a pause where skylar's hands move from cirrus' shoulders to his airborne hands, grabs and crosses them together in cirrus' lap, where cirrus can hold on to himself if he needs to. "just stay like that and don't touch me"

as such, cirrus is not touching skylar, rather skylar is touching him.

skylar's hands then resume their initial route and pull cirrus back in by the back of his head. his forehead is touching skylar's collarbone, where he can hide his tears and muffle his apologies and cries. his fingernails are digging into his arms, holding on for dear life bc he can't afford to fuck up again by touching skylar without permission.

"breathe. i don't know what's gotten into you but you need to calm down and breathe." skylar says as one hand brushes through cirrus' hair and the other rubs circles into his back. his breath tickles cirrus' scalp where he his nose buried itself in his hair.

cirrus can't remember the last time someone held him like that. so close and firm. (<- skylar was actually lowkey trying/hoping to suffocate him here, and get rid of his biggest problem (=cirrus) lol)

after a while cirrus calmed down and passed out from exhaustion in skylar's arms.

(notice how skylar never said "it's ok" or "i forgive u" while comforting cirrus? bc it's not ok and it's not sth to be easily forgiven. that's why they'll "talk abt it later". also, i thought it was important for skylar to set the boundary of cirrus not touching him after what happened. idk, i tried to make a very fucked up and toxic situation a tad less toxic)

[helluva-shit-show]

I swear I don't hate the show, I don't even hate any of the ladies above, not even Stella, it's just insanely unfair how the women get treated in Helluva.

And no, I don't need the creators of any given media to hold my hand and walk me through every tiny choice made by every character in said media.

Of course I can infer that Stella grew up in the same pre-determined mold Stolas was forced into. Of course I can infer that she learned tantrum behavior and violence probably got her what she wanted so her royal parents didn't have to hear it.

I can infer that Barbie self harms bc a tiny thin scar doesn't form a perfect circle around your forearm by accident, and an "X" doesn't perfectly cross out a tattoo that probably causes you great trauma to look at every day, on accident. Her tail scars are deeply concerning and saddening to think about, bc again, why do they PERFECTLY match her twin brother's natural markings? I can infer that his actions, intentional or not, deeply traumatized her, and her response was to remove a piece of herself that reminded her of him. It's dark, it's mature, it's compelling and it makes sense. The issue is, it will probably never be touched on.

I adore Millie, I adored her before season two was even announced. To the contrary, I actually don't care if she ever gets a deep deep dive at her backstory. There have been PLENTY of male characters across all kinds of media that are simply psychotic little murder gremlins, and no one ever bats an eye at it. I adore her as the murder gremlin queen she is. But as she's main cast, it's incredibly unfair by comparison how she gets utilized and how she doesn't. One minute she can take down a 60 meter tall fish monster single handedly, the next minute, because the plot wants this to be about the bois, a single hit breaks her arm to the point that BONE IS PIERCING THROUGH HER SKIN, and she just happens to get thrown directly into the world's MOST CONVENIENTLY PLACED AND ARMED bear-trap ever. It doesn't snag her face, her hair, or her hand or arm or torso or back, she falls just perfectly that her leg is just perfectly in its jaws. No arteries got caught? There's not an excess of blood, she's by the show's own dialogue, "fine." But she's benched for the rest of the episode.

And maybe it wouldn't be so bad from the critical eye if the excuse given for it wasn't SO hollow. "Helluva is more male focused and Hazbin is more female focused." Ma'am. Who do you think you're fooling out here. Angel Dust and Alastor built the HH fandom. Do you expect me to believe Mimzy or Niffty are going to be treated any better than the Helluva gals? Mimzy is literally already on the wiki as a "minor character".

It's truly ok to focus your story on males. There is literally a whole genre of anime focused on mostly male stories. But if someone, or a lot of someones, feel your female cast is lacking in substance, I find it insulting to dismiss them and say they're misreading the media and nitpicking. They care about the show, YOUR show, they care about YOUR characters, if you can remember back when you were a smaller creator HERE on tumblr, ppl love when you ask them about their OCs. And you don't have to spit out a quick bs backstory to your character if you haven't given it much thought, that's not what anyone is asking for. (Cough, Unhappy Campers, COUGH).

Idk how to wrap this critique up, so I'm just gonna say, Moxxie's mom is too badass to be Mrs. Knofirstname Knolastname. 🤡

[mewkwota]

hello, if i may join in on the character ask thingy, may i request mmx zero? (idk how much you know about that series, but just thought i would shoot my shot, also your art is a treat to see :D)

My unfocused self misread your question and I thought you said MMZ somehow, so here we go, you got two Zeros. (It's the same guy)

Send Me a Character

And I will tell you my:

First impression Following my deep dive into the Classic series, I would simultaneously check out the X series. So I'm actually fairly familiar with a good chunk of the characters there, especially X and Zero.

For those who have tracked me down here from the Deviantart days, you'd see I worked greatly on Classic and X prior to delving more personally into Battle Network (as I should've been in the first place).

Zero's design is a bit busier than X's, but I still find parts of it to be appealing. And I made it a very known fact my kiddo's hair is derived from his. So I am not immune to the pretty locks either. ^^;

I was also intrigued with his backstory and character. You may notice a big theme I like to work with in this series is "family", especially since it typically involves unconventional ones that aren't quite related by blood (they're robots, but also Zero's case is complicated). So not only did I find it interesting to depict a disconnect of Zero from his "roots", but he also finds some connection in X's side. Maybe not from everyone, but at least Dr. Light tries to understand him, even in-game.

And of course, I love seeing his dynamic with X, even when it's the very simple interactions. They compliment each other so well, especially since they don't quite fit in anywhere else.

I also like that Zero's VA gave him such a unique voice, the tone Mr. Gilbertson uses sounds so pleasant in my ears.

Impression now I still think Zero is appealing, and nothing much has changed there. But I don't think you can make me choose between him or his buddy.

I am aware of his great bias in the community for how overshadowingly cool he is, but I'll take him over the other Ryoutarou Okiayu character that does virtually the same thing elsewhere. Maybe it's because he's a robot, and I have a soft spot for them.

Favorite moment He and X get called "cute" in PxZ2 and that guy got cranky about it. Though, Zero didn't quite deny it in his response either.

"We may look cute, lady. But..." Yes that's because you two are.

Idea for a story A lot of people, me included, seem to agree that Zero and Roll could get along well. But wouldn't you wanna be on good terms with your best friend's older sister? Anywho, I have a few lighthearted ideas where the two would hangout, one of which involves working together to get something for X's birthday.

After all, wouldn't your best friend's older sister probably know what he wants the most?

Unpopular opinion I would pick MMX Zero over MMZ Zero any day. I don't think the story or atmosphere of the Zero series is bad, not at all! The premise and everything is a very unique turn in the franchise. However, it's just not my thing personally. Maybe other people ruined it for me.

Favorite relationship Take a look at the years upon years of art I have of this guy (and half the things I said here) and I think it'd be obvious. L(///L )

Favorite headcanon This is partly a friend's fault, but Zero's favorite spot is X's right shoulder. He'll get a little protective over it.

[mobumi]

I was kinda frustrated and intrigued at the same time after watching ep 6. I mean, we did get some types of development with Arajin, but the pacing and the writing is a little bit irregular for me. That being said, it's just a fun little anime about delinquents so there's no use having high expectations, and in terms of entertainment the contract has been fulfilled.

I'm not going to dive into what I liked and didn't like 'cause I'm waiting to see more to form a better opinion on the show.

But here are some of my predictions or what to expect for the second part of the anime:

Senya/Ichiya: they probably have a history as rivals or something, at least it's insinuated from the beginning. They are most likely a parallel to Arajin/Matakara and as many said before I think Ichiya is going to merge with Matakara and he and Arajin will eventually fight. For what reason? I have no clue, maybe Mata's brother Mitsukuni is going to have an important role in the upcoming events.

Mitsukuni/his relationship with Matakara: something is definitely going to happen after Mitsukuni goes out of juvie. We know he was the former leader of the Minato Kai gang, so what will his role be next? Perhaps he'll be the trigger that will make Matakara merge with Ichiya. At least, I think Mata will turn to his brother instead of Arajin and his brother's presence will change something in his relationship with Arajin. Idk I feel like something will happen because of him

Mahoro's development: I thought Mahoro was not going to be important and we'd rarely see her. But she's not just a love interest, she showed us that besides being a brocon and manipulating others, she has unshakeable character, she's strong. Didn't like her at first, but now I think she's interesting. I'm curious what her character can do to help move the plot even further. She has the potential to actually be the hero of her own story and evolve. I think she'll help Arajin for something big in the future

Arajin, his goal and the gangs: we saw how Arajin didn't want to have anything to do with the gangs and their fights. He is still uninterested to join a gang and jumps from one gang to another just so he can get Mahoro's attention. He's also scared to be seen as weak again. The fact that he couldn't save Matakara has haunted him til now. He has avoided his trauma and fixed his mind on a new goal. Arajin may have wanted to be a Honkibito with Matakara but his childhood dream is buried deep down in his heart and his only wish is to be a normal teenager, have a girlfriend, lose his virginity, what he thinks society expects of a teenage boy. And they are in a men's world so there's this demonstration of masculinity conveyed with all the fights and disputes between gangs, but in the end, Arajin rejects that. He wants to enter a women's world through Mahoro because the men's world disappointed him in the past. There's something interesting about genders here i think but it's just speculations at the moment, we'll see how the story progresses

So yeah I think the last part of the anime will focus on Arajin doing a little introspection because for once he is seen as strong, he got up to defend someone and he is not left with shame, but with the cheers of everyone. By defeating Akutaro, maybe he finally defeated his fear, so I guess a new arc is starting for our mc and he is going to reevaluate his goal and his relationships with others. Will he fix his relationship with Matakara though? That's unsure if we consider them fighting at the end.

But anyway, these are my predictions for next episodes or more exactly my speculations. I may have been disappointed with some of the writing choices, but I still expect to be surprised by the end. I think they really tried to change our vision of the shonen genre with the comedy and tropes so I'm still really curious! It's not the best anime of the season, not by far, but it did subvert all my expectations so yeah I'm intrigued!

[sapphire-weapon]

okay wow thanks for the explanation on the suppressant. i didn't know it was written that long ago. and how did you find it that quick anyway?

but also, do you think the writers intended it to be read that way? i know RE4R's story is good, but for the writers to be so subtle about it, they gotta be amazing at writing and delivering and i dont think anybody who writes the story for RE is at that level yet.

it's not that i dont want to believe in that take, but i also read ur post about how u dont apply "death of the author" and i just think "do the writers actually think like this? it wouldn't wrong for us to think this way but do they think of it like that?"

so i found it quickly because it's in my meta analysis tag. i'm very careful with that tag and only use it for posts that i think raise important points that i might want to reference later. this was one of them.

and i actually love the second part of this ask.

i don't personally feel that RE4make's writing is that sophisticated. it's sophisticated for RE -- but there are so many other games that have such better storytelling. SH2, spec ops: the line, hades, alan wake, disco elysium -- just off the top of my head -- are so rich in storytelling and so creative with how they convey it. even the evil within -- which was also a mikami game -- had an incredibly dense story that took effort and grit to fully unpack.

literally all that hirabayashi did with RE4make was hear mikami's pleas to fix the story, look at it, go "how can i do this without fucking up the gameplay loop or structure?" and decide that the easiest way to do it was by putting an emotional throughline in the game centered on leon and ashley's relationship -- which made sense to do, because that also lines up with the gameplay contrivance that the game is centered on.

he's also been working on RE since 0, so he's intimately familiar with these characters and the possibilities they hold. he was RE6's producer, so he knows that suicidal ideation is a part of leon's character -- just as an example. because it's in RE6 that leon admits to having been suicidal in the past.

we also know that he loves fairy tales. he wrote RE5's script, and RE5 is a modern horror fairy tale. sheva even has an alternate costume literally called "fairy tale." and, at its core, RE4 has the basic plot of a classic fairy tale. the Hero storms the castle, slays the Dragon, and saves the Princess. it's so easy to convert that into a more Proper fairy tale by tweaking the relationship between leon and ashley.

and the romance tropes and references he uses are very rudimentary. like, if you look at my posts, it's like... romeo & juliet and sleeping beauty. this is hardly a romance aficionado's deep dive into the romance genre.

RE4make is babby's first step into deeper storytelling in the video games medium.

so i really don't think that it's a stretch to say that this was his intention.

if you want to be really anal and pedantic about it, you can say that his intention was to make the story into something coherent and fluid, and the romance just happened to be a byproduct of that because that was the easiest thing he could reach for, but like.

to use the structure of romance stories and to consistently follow the imagery and symbolism and references of classic romances -- his reason for doing it doesn't matter. the fact remains that he did it on purpose, and it's reflected in the final product, and so that's what the story is.

i said this in another post, so i'll just paste it here:

So, sure. You could look at RE4make as a story about a man who’s just doing his job and saves the president’s daughter because idk he’s a badass and that’s just what he does. And he overcomes his trauma about Raccoon City because he actually saved a person’s life finally, and it wouldn’t have mattered who it was; it just happened to be Ashley. Sure. You could. But you miss the fucking point of what the storyteller(s) were trying to do. You miss the intention of the developers paying homage to RE4OG being such a huge part of so many people’s childhoods by turning the story into a fairy tale. You miss the parallels of Leon becoming a broken husk of a person because of failing re: Ada, and Leon finding his smile and his kindness again through Ashley. It leaves you with a shallow story where shit just kind of happens and Leon’s a cool dude who overcomes the odds all on his own because he’s so cool and strong. And you’ll never be able to convince me that that’s how the devs wanted their story to be read. Not with the deliberate layering of themes and imagery and allegory that they’ve folded into the narrative. And you’ll never convince me that all of this was just a coincidence, either.

[veggiecorner]

Honestly, I think that guy is just really autistic... and I say this as an autistic person. He obviously has no filter at all. I wish he would stop tagging people all the time and starting things constantly under every single post. There will never be the hard confirmation he wants, like you say totk and ss is as far as it will probably ever go.

Like, I really can't see them *ever* doing more than the strong subtext they put in totk. I'd be surprised if they even get *close* to doing something similar again. Having the princess move into his house and having Link bridal carry her shirtless, etc, was already honestly kind of explicit by E for Everyone Nintendo standards lol. I never even expected them to go so far with it. I expected them to have destroyed the hateno house with sky island debris, or had her live with Impa, or something like that. I wasn't expecting straight up fanservice for all the post-botw fanfiction and fanart made over the years. Someone on the development team was clearly browsing zelink on pixiv (well, some old totk interview even said that the team loved all the botw fanart and it kept them going through totk's development, so I'm like 99% sure that's actually true even lol). But they'll never just come out and say "this is canon" straight up into the camera and we need to accept that.

Honestly, I'm guessing they will probably make the next zelink more platonic if anything after how much they pushed them with ss and botw/totk. I'm a huge romantic zelink lover, botw/totk zelink is my favorite, but I honestly *want* the next versions to be platonic so that there is an actual contrast between versions of them between games (and ok, maybe part of me selfishly doesn't want my beloved enemies-ish-to-lovers tragic royalty x servant to domestic fluff zelink to be upstaged by a zelink that acts obnoxiously less subtle with their feelings and therefore have people call them "better" but that's irrelevant)

I haven't honestly looked into his account - but tbh he's not the only one? I just notice it with him a lot and i'm like "please please separate Zelda from shipping. u can appreciate Princess Zelda outside of her theorized relationship with Link" (this is more of like...a dig at people in general who make shipping be everything when it comes to a character..especially female characters because now I'm struggling to still do a deep dive into Mipha's character without people immediately screaming about how her relationship with link is canon)

anyways fandom behavior aside lowkey i agree? The thing is that even if developers came out and was like "We intended zelink to be canon" people are still gonna argue about it (like "wELL THEY DIDN'T HUG OR KISS ON SCREEN") so tbh its not even worth fighting about it - coming from a fire emblem fan lmao yes I still remember the sumia incident

I lowkey want the next "zelink" to be platonic because...idk the same reason as you. Changing it up. I miss WW zelda and Link's dynamic because to me they're besties and are goofy. if the next one is romantic then they better get a hell of a good story because they already covered the childhood romance and the dramatic slowburn with skyward sword and botw/totk (and tragic "what ifs" from OoT but you didn't hear it from me!!!!!). That being said I would be disappointed if it was on the level of Twilight Princess so idk some sort of connection between them would be nice

[idontknowstudios-writes]

Yuuka/Miyu Lore Deep Dive

Yuuka (formerly known as Miyu) is an original character that gets zapped to the one piece universe via.... (drum roll).. you'll know later!

I haven't really written anything for them yet. uH, more like I'm on draft 3 and ideas are coming in real slowly. That's okay though! Because it means I've thought a lot about Yuuka and their story, and how I want things to play out.

our story will start with Yuuka and Luffy during the first like ~fifty episode events. Yuuka, by this point, has been living with Luffy in windmill village for over ten years since getting transmigrated.

that's right, you heard me. Trans. (gender-)Migrated. Yuuka has died once, like every other mc in every other isekai manga ever. I'm planning for Yuuka to have died by their boyfriend's hands, but its not suuuper important lore nor is it final.

side note: as Yuuka has been with luffy even before meeting ace and sabo, i imagine Luffy will force them into the first mate role against their will.

So, as we get introduced to Zoro, Nami, Usopp, and Sanji, we will slowly get tipbits of information about Yuuka and their life on dawn island, and what they've been doing in their spare time there. Things like sending letters to marine headquarters, obtaining a rare devil fruit, and claiming to be a prophet.

Yuuka presents themself as an eccentric person, basically.

As the story progresses, we will learn that Yuuka woke up in the one piece world with one wish, like a genie wish I mean. And they used that wish on the Yami Yami no Mi. This, pretty obviously, changes a few important plot points in the one piece timeline.

no defective blackbeard < no witch hunt for defective black beard < no ace getting captured by marines < no execution < no whitebeard dying < but also, no luffy meeting whitebeard? < no sabo???

we'll see about that last one. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not even really at marineford yet so I don't know all the details about how everyone gets there and why. I do have a very detailed wiki at my disposal, and no qualms about spoilers. I will mention that I don't care at all about sabo, and I know nothing about him or his story.

So, back on track, Yuuka obtained the Yami Yami no Mi after first appearing in one piece, and ate it nearly immediately. Yuuka did not have control over their body, simply looking at the devil fruit put them in a daze.

That fruit is pretty rare and powerful though right? who has the ability to both bring another soul into another universe, and grant them such a monumental wish like that!? Aren't you making Yuuka a little overpowered!?

Okay so, Luffy can literally turn into "sun god nika", granted nika isn't actually the sun god he's just called that, but still. dont talk to me about over powered when he literally just exists over there.

secondly, the person to bring yuuka into that world is actually an important plot point!! Yuuka was granted a wish by none other than nika actually. And now, they're cursed with having to have nika follow them wherever they go since they're tied to him. without nika, they would have no anchor in that world.

"but didn't you just say nika isn't actually the sun god anyway?" im using the theory of if you're worshipped as a god after death, you become a god.

So nika is a constant presence beside yuuka, who would love nothing more than for him to fuck off because frankly, im going to make him annoying (in a luffy kind of way, not in a bad character way.)

nika also claims yuuka as his "prophet", and uses that as an excuse to come in and remind yuuka of things they clearly already remember anyway. just because he's silly like that. with that claiming in mind, anyone that hurts yuuka is sort of 100% doomed because they will be targeted by both the power of god and anime mc.

yuuka will also eventually be revealed to have saved the life of Donquixote Rosinante, who like idk, ill probably make into a pirate??? im not there yet in the anime, I don't know the logistics of that idea.

i just really really like corazon and i would eat moldy cake for him, so shut up.

anyway.

plans for the far future, nika will probably disappear for the short while that is luffy, gear 5. its just sort of a given, but its a detail i wanted to mention because, reminder, nika is yuuka's anchor.

so, plans for that are either yuuka gets pulled into the fight with Kaido or yuuka gets sent back to their universe temporarily every time luffy goes gear 5. actually, that second one would be a good plot point to reveal that they're from a different world...

anyway im done lore dumping, i just got really excited because i was thinking about this before going to bed last night.

thank you for reading all that,

signing off,

- Yin.

[kangjaehee]

jaehee playlist musical analysis

hi today i decided to explain every song in this jaehee character playlist because it was Very Carefully Curated and every single song REALLY means something and bc i just want to.

I made this playlist entirely 100% based on the lyrics and message of the songs more than Anything else. The arrangement doesn't make musical sense, but it's all in the words. I didn't pick songs I believe she'd listen to or songs based on Vibe. Actually idk how many of them here fit this criteria. But think of the entire playlist as like... a jukebox musical of her character arc in an indie pop & co. soundtrack.

It’s long. There’s 46 songs. Here we go.



TRACK 01: ABBEY - MITSKI.

Okay so this is her in a song I think. It summarizes most of the Original Struggle, and because it is so general I figured it'd be a perfect opening track.

I am hungry / I have been hungry / I was born hungry / What do I need? - She's missing something and doesn't know what it is. She’s constantly expressing dissatisfaction with her life, says she wants more without really saying it, “I’m afraid I won’t be able to advance forward.”

There is a dream that I sometimes see / That only appears in the dark of sleep - Wants more but refuses to acknowledge it. The dream only shows up when she's truly alone with herself.

This is repeated and deepened all throughout the song, even acknowledging her desire to be "set free" at the end.

TRACK 02: MIRRORBALL - TAYLOR SWIFT.

"I will be whatever you want me and need me to be to make myself useful" but told very romantically. I do still headcanon that, in the past, she might've taken a more literal version of the attitude described in the song.

I've never been a natural / All I do is try, try, try / I'm still on that trapeze / I'm still trying everything / To keep you looking at me - a forced hand, there's an intent to belong or to get a reaction. Now apply this, instead of relationships, to the world of career.

TRACK 03: STAY SOFT - MITSKI.

Another song that dives more into the past. Talks about bottling up one's emotions, the hardening of one's heart for survival purposes. Drowning out anger, or fear, or sadness. Going into deep meta territory, perhaps even being willing to carry other people's strong emotions, but never yours. In many ways, I think this song describes how she dealt with grief. A sort of misplaced anger turned to numbness.

Fury, pure and silver / You grip it tight inside / Like a knife / It glints in your eye - She says in an opportunity that she resented her parents, held this anger at them... for dying. Of course, she was young then, so this was born out of immaturity and out of wanting to blame someone for her resentment at her situation, I would guess. She's more mad at destiny, at the world for this having been the deck of cards she's been dealt. At least, that's how I see it.

Open up your heart / Like the gates of hell - so, this association. Seeing the opening up of oneself and reveal of feelings as a sort of sacrifice for Reasons. I won't go deep into this now, there's other songs that touch it.

You stay soft, get beaten / Only natural to harden up - the ONLY way u can get shit done in the world is if you minimize your feelings and not let yourself drown in them. A conclusion she naturally came to. Somehow, she managed an almost healthy looking unemotionality. I think this aspect of her character is very up for debate. Whether she's made peace with her past, or if the undercurrent of anxiety driving her every turn reveals otherwise.

TRACK 04: THIS IS HOME - CAVETOWN.

Ah so this is the stockholm syndrome song. But not really stockholm syndrome-- more like being caged in a situation you know is bad for you (the c&r job), but not wanting to leave because you fear what would happen if you do, so you instead try to love it. That's how I interpret it in this context. Almost every lyric here points to something specific in her story, so here we go:

Often I am upset that I cannot fall in love but I guess / This avoids the stress of falling out of it - "Love interferes with my career but honestly I've had so many issues with it that I don't really mind giving it up."

Are you tired of me yet? / I'm a little sick right now but I swear / When I'm ready I will fly us out of here - There's like this anxiety she feels about her personality, whatever she has to bring that isn't directly related to being tangibly useful to a person. No confidence in her charm. basically.

I'll cut my hair / To make you stare / I'll hide my chest - considering the context this would be more like "i'll cut my hair to not make you stare." Sort of an okay I'll do what you ask me to... "Chest" here in this context I think of it as heart. I'll hide what I feel.

Time is / Slowly / Tracing his face / But strangely he feels at home in this place - This is the acceptance of situation. Stress and sacrifice are becoming visible in her appearance, but this situation, however awful, is beginning to feel like a home to her.

TRACK 05: 6/10 - DODIE

Okay so anxiety and insecurity part 200!!! Coming back to the insecurity about her personality, that she has nothing to offer in a friendship context to a new person, feels like nothing makes her interesting or remarkable.

Can you see the panic inside? / I'm making you uneasy, aren't I? - We see this a lot especially in the beginning stages of the game, her almost being too careful with the mc, not wanting to cause discomfort. It's almost like she's waiting for you to allow her to be.

Is there pity for the plain girl? - Plainness here is of personality. It has a "sorry for being myself" feeling to it.

TRACK 06: 4AM - GIRL IN RED.

I Don't like her, but hey if the song fits... anyway this is THE undercurrent of anxiety, having too many doubts about your own performance, having to face the world but not feeling internally ready to.

TRACK 07: TEEN IDLE - MARINA

Anyway sooo back to the past! Or my interpretation of it! This one, When, Stay soft, and mirrorball are kind of all my meta take on who she was. Teen idle is saying "damn I wish I actually lived through my teenage years, or my whole youth, for that matter." I definitely believe this was a little bit of who she was, and that she Would have listened to this at 15.

I wanna drink until I ache / I wanna make a big mistake / I want blood, guts, and angel cake - wanting to break from her front of perfection and model student behavior to know what it feels like.

TRACK 08: WHEN - LIVE - DODIE

Our next stop in this journey to the past: whatever the fuck went on in her relationships. Also known as the comphet song. A nostalgia for who she used to be, but also regret for how it's shaped her. She wants to be in love, but can't get satisfaction from it, and is afraid of running out of time, of missing her chances. Misdirection.

I think I've been telling lies / 'Cause I've never been in love / Everyone falls for the sunshine disguise / Distracted by who they're thinking of - No, she hasn't even been in love, we get as much from... everything she does in her route when it comes to her relationship with MC, starting by not being able to recognize what she feels.

I'll take what I can get / 'Cause I'm too damp for a spark / Kissing sickly sweet guys / 'Cause they say they like my eyes / But I'd only ever see them in the dark - Flings for the sake of flings. Getting with people because she wants the feeling, but can't somehow get it, does it more for them than for herself. Again, comphet song...

I'm waiting to live, and waiting to love / Oh, it'll be over, and I'll still be asking when - Afraid that life will pass her by if she doesn't hurry up and live, afraid of not having the experiences she dreams of having.

TRACK 09: THE MAN - TAYLOR SWIFT.

The first song here that truly deals with her feelings when it comes to her job, and mostly people not taking her seriously because she's a woman. The entire justification for this being here is in that one moment where she's assigned as the leader of that coffee project and no one in the team is giving her the due respect.

TRACK 10: REAL MEN - MITSKI.

This one's also related to her job, but mostly about how she's forced to hide her feelings to be able to do anything, reinforcing a long-standing behavior. The constant clash she seems to have with Jumin of him trying to be 100% logical and her trying to get him to accept that people have Feelings and sometimes those Interfere, because maybe she's learned that the hard way.

Real men don't need other people / And real men suck it in / Real men don't flinch or bleed in public / Oh, I think I'm a real man - Superego message of you shouldn't show your feelings, it's not right or proper, you shouldn't have needs. Be completely self sufficient.

TRACK 11: FEELINGS ARE FATAL - MXMTOON.

This one's very self explanatory and goes with the other one. Hiding struggle behind a facade, and not trusting anyone to actually reveal what's under, but at the same time almost being afraid of what would happen then. That is, kind of, how she approaches opening up to MC.

TRACK 12: A BURNING HILL - MITSKI.

A lot of this playlist is mitski. There are a lot more songs. Anyway, this is disillusionment. Acceptance of her situation, back to what This Is Home is trying to say but with much more substance. She's tired, and she's numb.

And I'll go to work and I'll go to sleep / And I'll love the littler things / I'll love some littler things - Hopeless acceptance, focusing on the small because the large is already screwed and she doesn't know how to un-screw it.

TRACK 13: BEST FRIEND - REX ORANGE COUNTY.

This is the start of what I call the romance arc of the playlist... the moment in the story when she begins to go oh god oh fuck i'm having Wierd Feelings. This song could go two ways-- her POV in the "i want to be your favorite person in the planet and idk how to be anything else so let's be friends," and the MC's in the "I want you as more than a friend but we're still fine as long as we're close but just know that's  not where my heart lies." But since this is a Jaehee playlist, not a mcjaehee playlist...

TRACK 14: COFFEE - BEABADOOBEE.

The love is stored in the homemade latte. I feel like acts of service is somewhere high up there in her love languages list - I will love you, I will care for you, I will make you coffee just how you like it. You're my safe place. I feel like this captures the vibes of the kinda relationship that happens in her route really well.

TRACK 15: I WANT YOU - MISTKI.

"I want you but I can't say it and/or don't know how to", that's what this song is trying to say in this context. All of the unsaid is beginning to suffocate. And listen, I'm not a reset theory enthusiast... but you can really let your imagination fly in that context with this one.

I want you / I hold one card / That I can't use / But I want you - There could be many reasons as to why she can't use the card, but the general message is an "I can't say it" type beat.

'Cause I just need a quiet place / Where I can scream / How I love you - "I need to find a way to let out these feelings that I can't, for some reason, allow myself to let out."

TRACK 16: D-1 - LOONA.

This one kinda follows everything the last few ones have set up, but it's more like... her watching her feelings change as she talks more and more with MC. A lot of the lyrics here remind me of stuff she said in calls. Also, this really fits in the "we exist in different dimensions/universes" theory of mysme...

How you like me now? - "I think I'm getting greedy now. I want you to like me more."

For now I’ll take just one step closer, closely slowly - "I'll approach very slowly... I am very patient" idk what she says here actually i can't remember haven't played this game in months.

TRACK 17: FALLINGFORYOU - THE 1975.

Very self explanatory, I don’t wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your neck, but also the vibe here is you're talking with someone in the middle of the night and realizing there's maybe more. Her calls in the later days of the route, all the more revealing ones happen late into the night.

TRACK 18: COME INTO THE WATER - MITSKI.

I think this accurately describes how she approaches love - with caution, with patience, once again almost waiting for a confirmation, please like me too.

Are you waiting to touch me? / You look so good, but I keep my hands / 'Til you come into the water - I want you, but I'm waiting for you to show me you want me too. Almost a not wanting to make a mistake here.

But would you tell me if you want me? / 'Cause I can't move until you show me - "show me how to love you. show me the way. i'm new to this."

I didn't know I had a dream / I didn't know until I saw you - cheesy ass line I know but basically... mc did show her the way to her dreams somewhat so like...

TRACK 19: HEAVEN - TROYE SIVAN.

So the overlap between faith, institutionalized religion, and how that clashes with the self. She clearly operates under a crap ton of internalized homophobia. And no, I don't think most of it is due to religion, I think most of it is knowing she'll be rejected by the world around her, but knowing Catholicism... I'm sure at least some of it is.

TRACK 20: SHAME - MITSKI.

Follows along the same path of the last one. There's guilt surrounding desires. Also this could be like... a secret relationship "no one knows but us" type beat, which I think is a narrative Cheritz tries to push.

TRACK 21: CLASS OF 2013 - MITSKI.

So... grief, that's all. "I wish my life was easier I wish I sometimes didn't have to fight so hard I wish I didn't have to grow up so quickly and could still dream." Segway from this last arc and into the new one.

TRACK 22: SHE USED TO BE MINE - JESSIE MUELLER (WAITRESS MUSICAL).

Ah so this is another of the main songs.... a LOT of her story is mirrored here. Mainly the "I lost myself along the way and now I don't know how to be happy." This is that scene when Zen gives her the present.

It's not simple to say / Most days I don't recognize me - Considering she had to quite literally change her appearance to be where she's at, this is likely. also, "I don't know who I am."

She is hard on herself / She is broken and won't ask for help / She is messy but she's kind / She is lonely most of the time - I'm not sure if messy, but everything else here checks out. She doesn't allow herself to ask for help, she pushes through, surrenders to loneliness, pushes herself to the highest of standards, it's all or nothing.

She is gone but she used to be mine - She's not who she used to be. She's lost herself somewhere along this path.

It's not what I asked for / Sometimes life just slips in through a back door / And carves out a person / And makes you believe it's all true / And now I've got you / And you're not what I asked for - The person in question could be her or Jumin-- in a call she opens up about how the qualities associated with her at the office are not the values her parents taught her.

Who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised / And gets used by a man who can't love - More like woman who can't love, we could talk about her aunt here... she's been hurt by many, both intentionally and unintentionally.

And then she'll get stuck and be scared / Of the life that's inside her / Growing stronger each day / 'Til it finally reminds her / To fight just a little / To bring back the fire in her eyes / That's been gone but it used to be mine - She feels that dissatisfaction growing, every day more and more impossible to ignore, reminding her of that desire she used to have, until it finally comes back.

This song is kind of a pivotal moment, the catapult into the next arc of the playlist where she fights to get her life back. This is day 9 onwards.

TRACK 23: 9 TO 5 - DOLLY PARTON.

So there were other moments in the playlist that described her career situation to a certain degree, but this next little section does so with more clarity. Starting with this one: a little fun pop break about the frustrations of the workforce, sacrificing yourself daily while aching for more.

TRACK 24: ARE YOU SATISFIED? - MARINA.

Okay so this one takes what the last one just said and goes okay so that's the reality... now are you happy with that? Like honestly?

I was pulling out my hair / The day I got the deal, chemically calm / Was I meant to feel happy that my life / Was just about to change? - I imagine her learning she got the job at c&r, and knowing she's finally made it, feeling actually the opposite of ecstatic, relieved of a pressure. An "okay. we made it. that was tough but we're here now."

Are you satisfied with an average life? / Do I need to lie to make my way in life? - This is doubt starting to come in. The "is this truly what you want?

High achiever, don't you see? / Baby, nothing comes for free / They say I'm a control freak / Driven by a greed to succeed / Nobody can stop me - I feel like this is the image she shows the world, who people thinks she is: capable, cutthroat, on top of her shit. Which is true on a certain level, except that she doesn't have any real ambition other than like... making it thru the day and feels stuck in her current position.

TRACK 25: WORKING FOR THE KNIFE - MITSKI.

Goes on with what the last song said, now exposing the true reality of her situation, how she really feels about it - we're working from the knife, something that can be threatening, deadly. This job, however shiny, is killing her slowly, and she's beginning to realize that.

I always thought the choice was mine / And I was right, but I just chose wrong / I start the day lying and end with the truth / That I'm dying for the knife - idk yall but I imagine young fresh out of high school jaehee extremely motivated about the direction her life seems to be taking, with everything she wants within reach. Yes, the choice was hers and yes, she chose wrong. Now, how do you move on from that?

TRACK 26: DRUNK WALK HOME - MITSKI.

There's almost a giving up here. Pure hatred for the system. This is a vent.

For I'm starting to learn I may never be free / But though I may never be free / Fuck you and your money / I'm tired of your money - She knows this system is inescapable, this is her life, she'll be in this forever, yet hates it. The "fuck you and your money" specifically I relate back to every single moment she complained at Jumin's financial compensation as "forgiveness" for making her do hefty extra work.

TRACK 27: MONEY, MONEY, MONEY - ABBA.

I Hate Capitalism song number 200. Yeah this is just an ugh I can't believe the world is like this because of greedy rich men who exploit people's skills for their personal gain song.

TRACK 28: I AM NOT A ROBOT - MARINA.

FUCK Real Men I Can't Ignore My Feeling Anymore Unless I Wanna D Word Inside. This song is the MC and Zen @ her, but also her @ her, her @ jumin.

It's okay to say you've got a weak spot / You don't always have to be on top / Better to be hated / Than loved loved loved for what your not - her accepting that these feeling of inadequacy and dissatisfaction, that's she's not actually a machine, are actually okay in the end.

You're lovable, so lovable / But you're just troubled - She's worthy of love and happiness. Yes, nothing around her is perfect, but it can and will be better.

TRACK 29: I WANT TO BREAK FREE - QUEEN.

This song is purely declaratory, the moment where she goes "You know what? I don't want this anymore. I'm going my own way."

I want to break free from your lies / You're so self-satisfied I don't need you - yaassss girlie give jumin a piece of his mind

I've fallen in love / I've fallen in love for the first time / This time I know it's for real / I've fallen in love, yeah - She has, quite literally. This time it is for real.

TRACK 30: LIVE YOUR LIFE - YUNA.

This is her finally acknowledging her own dreams, committing to living for herself.

All my life / My dreams just seem so far away / And now it's like / They're here to stay / I hold it close to me - the moment she decides she likes the reignites passion and doesn't want to let it go for anything.

TRACK 31: READY NOW - DODIE.

Kinda takes us back thru the whole journey to how far she's got. She's ready now. Pretty much the ENTIRE song describes her relationship with mc.

You saw through me / All this time / I'd forgotten / People are kind - Many times she muses about how MC is one of the few people she's met that have been this kind to her, how she understood her and defended her.

You said, "I will listen / Tell it all / When you're finished / We'll talk more" / But I didn't know how / So we took it in turns / And to my surprise / We found my words - With time, Jaehee managed to trust her, even to tell her story to her, revealing things she's carried for a long time.

Something new / Something strange / Ten feet taller / I had changed / I believe you / I'm not wrong / Oh, it suits me / To feel strong - oh don't you love character development. With this newfound dream, comes newfound strength and self confidence.

You said, "I will listen / Tell me it all / You don't like the ending / Then we'll find one that's yours" - Reset theory enthusiasts! This one's for you.

Together, we sang / "I'm ready, now" - One thing about her, there was no way, partner or solo, that she was walking this path alone.

TRACK 32: MY SEA - IU.

This journey she went through, in a way, was sort of an inner child recollection healing type thing. She tells MC she's "broken down her walls and returned her to her childhood." Considering everything that happened since then. it's a big statement to make.

Did that child suffer in pain for such a long time… / …to just become me? / We get further as another day piles up / I don’t think we can ever reconcile / I don’t think it’ll get better - This brings back the themes of She Used to be Mine, the losing oneself, not thinking you'll get that back.

When I was a child / There was a sea that never dried up in my heart / That place is only left with faint traces - You could compare the sea to the drems of her childhood that faded with time and hardship.

I’m free even when I’m swept away and get lost / I won’t close my eyes at the darkness / that traps me anymore / I won’t pretend not to know myself again - After a journey, she finds that passion again, that self which used to be hers.

TRACK 33: PLUTO - SLEEPING AT LAST.

Okay so this is a summary of The Whole Journey, from the perspective of the undercurrent of anxiety that's been driving her through this wrong path - she chose to keep through it out of a now knowing what would happen if she took a turn away from it.

Until one day I had enough / Of this exercise of trust / I leaned in and let it hurt / And let my body feel the dirt - She simply got tired of the bullshit... among other things.

Still I'm pinned under the weight / Of what I believed would keep me safe / Show me where my armor ends / Show me where my skin begins - Well, she was pinned under the weight of a system she believed would keep her safe - however safe it was, it was equal parts suffocating. The last phrase, "show me where my armor ends," could also relate to her emotional openness (or lack thereof).

Like a final puzzle piece / It all makes perfect sense to me / The heaviness that I hold in my heart belongs to gravity - oh I am human and I am alive and I can do something with all this!!! how nice.

TRACK 34: DOG DAYS ARE OVER - FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE.

Freedom, baby! That's this song. This is day 10, the moment where she takes the leap and lands on the net.

Happiness hit her like a train on a track / Coming towards her stuck still no turning back - This whole ordeal came at her unexpectedly, almost like a crash, though at the most critical moment.

The dog days are over / The dog days are done / Can you hear the horses? / 'Cause here they come - The world better get ready for Kang Jaehee, because she's coming with everything, she's waited a long time for this moment.

TRACK 35: THAT'S MY GIRL - FIFTH HARMONY.

This is like the least deep song here it's a celebration ass shaking song. Everyone's reaction @ her finally Doing It. She worked her ass off for this goddammit.

TRACK 36: SIX - SLEEPING AT LAST.

Ah the enneagram song :). This is the one that best describes the undercurrent of anxiety, her driving force, that will undoubtedly be accompanying her now as well, but now that vigilance will be her ally instead of her enemy: her caution is what will ensure that there's no blocks in the road ahead.

TRACK 37: SHE - JEN FOSTER.

...And we enter the last arc of the playlist! The "I'll finally accept I'm in love and do Something about these feelings" arc, which... we don't see in the story, at least not explicitly... anyways this is a love song. about a girl. that's it really.

TRACK 38: EYES LOCKED, HANDS LOCKED - RED VELVET.

This is the moment at the party: With eyes and hands locked, she makes her proposal to MC. A masked confession. A promise for something longer, larger than what they have officially.

TRACK 39: GIRLS - GIRL IN RED.

Here's where we stray from the canon bc I'm sure this moment happened: the I'm a LESBIAN i am GAY i like GIRLS i am a GIRL who likes GIRLS. acceptance of sexuality. You know the drill. After everything she's been through... it was about time.

TRACK 40: FINALLY // BEAUTIFUL STRANGER - HALSEY

The falling in love for the first time, the finally feeling safe enough to open your heart to another person and reap the rewards that come with that. 

The truth is this / That I've never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss / And I'm terrified, but I can't resist – Falling in love can be terrifying, and I’d guess by her avoidance of the fact that she is, at least a little.

Beautiful stranger, here you are in my arms / But I think it's finally, finally, finally, finally, finally safe / For me to fall – what i said earlier lmao.

TRACK 41: THE ONLY EXCEPTION - PARAMORE

Builds upon the other song and establishes it, somewhat explaining the reasons why she was so reluctant to love in the first place. 

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul / That love never lasts / And we've got to find other ways to make it alone / Or keep a straight face – “Relationships are temporary fantasies fabricated by emotions.” There could be a million reasons for her to believe that, from bad past experiences to an adopted belief to rid herself of the pressure of relationships bc lesbianism. Regardless, it’s there. 

And I've always lived like this / Keeping a comfortable distance / And up until now I had sworn to myself / That I'm content with loneliness / Because none of it was ever worth the risk / But you are the only exception – In the end, she sees relationships as a risk and suffers for it. She mentions many times that she still has a desire to be considered as special and irreplaceable by someone, perhaps because she considers herself as ordinary and discardable. And she’s made herself comfortable with this self-imposed, survival-inspired loneliness, until MC came in. 

I've got a tight grip on reality / But I can't let go of what's in front of me here – Romance thrives on fantasy, practicality obstaculizes it. Pisces is the exaltation of Venus and Virgo it’s fall for a reason. Love kind of inspires you to be a little delusional. 

TRACK 42: COFFEE BREATH - SOFIA MILLS. 

omg its The Song i put The Song. Nothing lyrical here for once pure vibes of waking up in a bed together and making coffee. honestly never even paid attention to what this one tries to say. 

TRACK 43: I WILL - MITSKI.

u guys she’s a virgo moon… love as acts of service, love as the act of being taken care of, or taking care of somebody. Honestly I feel she could do either. But I do feel this is her ideal form of emotional connection. 

Everything you feel is good / If you would only let you – this could fr just be Me Projecting lo, but regardless I get the vibe that many times she wants to be validated in her feelings, or in her act of feeling. 

I will see your body bare / And still I will live here – again a vibe i get lol from the all-encompassing connection she says she wants with mc, of revealing every single part of herself to her and still be embraced. a “hello, this is me, these are my many many wounds.” have a place to be able to do that. 

And all the quiet nights you bear / Seal them up with care / No one needs to know they're there / For I will hold them for you – “can I cope with my trauma by sharing this with you and not bottling anything up anymore because I’m suffocating under the pressure of my own dirt.”

TRACK 44: DAYLIGHT - TAYLOR SWIFT. 

This is more headcanon-y and very literal. From messy romantic past to now peace that comes from self-knowledge and self-acceptance. Finally loving someone like you’re supposed to. You could call this a moment of lesbian joy. 

TRACK 45: DRESS - TAYLOR SWIFT. 

babes all in all I think cheritz writes this as a secret relationship and they’re not even chill about that insinuation. It’s super blatant. Every single romantically charged mcjaehee moment happens either subtextually (literally hidden by code) or while they’re literally hidden by some type of cover. That one folder where they’re almost kissing under a sheet. The valentine’s day dlc where they're trapped in a literal closet. And does anyone remember that one halloween choose your own story event where she and mc ended up sharing a ghost costume and it was all special? Yeah. Also, I don’t want you like a best friend.

TRACK 46: ANIMAL - TROYE SIVAN.

I had to somehow end this cohesively and I chose… sex lol. well, insinuated it. It’s not just about letting desire fly free, it’s about the grace of time, about trust. All in all, I think the relationship expressed in her route is one summarized by this concept: I trust you enough to reveal myself to you, and I want you to reveal myself to me. Love as the tearing down of walls, you love somebody by letting them know you. 

Alright that’s it!! If anyone actually read everything then let me say I love you lol. 

[grittyreadsfic]

hello my friends, one singular person asked for this weeks ago so i’m here with my most unhinged rec list yet: tk and nolan.

now, this one was hard to reign in, so i really didn’t. this pairing had maybe 230 fics in the tag when i first started reading hockey fic, and it’s now over 900, and i’ve read far too many of them, and that makes it so hard to parse it down. so i just...didn't!

so with that said, please enjoy so you want to get into tknp: a beginners guide to a classic case of idiots to lovers

i told myself that i couldn’t rec an author’s entire body of work but then i remembered this is my blog and i do what i want, so i did some consolidating. here’s a list of the quintessential authors for this pairing, you can start at any of their profiles and pick any of their fics at random, and it’ll be one of the best ones for the pairing, hands down.

therainbowsedge: i’d start with the summer camp fic, or the sex toys one, as both beautifully capture the true idiots to lovers nature of this pairing, but just top tier writing all around

manybumblebees: the wedding fic is so tender and port stanley is a classic, but literally pick any single fic and you’ll have a perfect tknp fic. i’m not kidding

jamesvanriemsdick: their tknp fics in their series are some of the hidden gems of this pairing (the tk heartbeat fic makes me LOSE it) but the delaware fic or the seattle fic…..there’s really something for every mood

catchascatchcan: start with era of gods because i could write literal essays on how it’s some of the best fantasy worldbuilding i’ve ever read, but then just read everything else on their account, including non tknp fics. you won’t regret it

hackysack: ao3 user hackysack has written one of two timeloop fics that i absolutely adore, and i thought about just calling that one out in particular, but all of their work deserves the attention

canary: nothing to prove was the first tknp fic i ever read and i was immediately hooked. all of their fics are a good starting place for the pairing, and just really give you a feeling for the pairing

and now, for the fic recs!

to be, despite it all by smudgedfreckles

summary: or, nolan patrick’s gender thesis, by travis konecny.

why i love it: there’s not a lot ofo nonbinary characters in media, even in fic, but this fic’s treatment of nolan and their path to figuring out their gender just feels so real and made me feel so seen. tk’s characterization is also just top notch, and it’s just a super sweet story about two people who love each other

last ones standing by makeit_takeit

summary: If you’re committed to finding your future spouse, reads the last line of the ad, and are ready to look at yourself and your love life in a whole new way, apply now.

At the bottom of the ad there’s a link, and Travis finds his finger hovering over the screen, lip still caught between his teeth.

“I mean,” he says very reasonably, speaking out loud to his empty apartment like some sort of possibly-crazy person, “just applying doesn’t mean anything. Maybe I just fill it out, and see what happens. It’s not like I’m really gonna get picked to be on TV, come on.”

He snorts out loud, just to show his apartment he hasn’t lost his grip on reality or anything; he fully understands how ludicrous that would be.

Then he clicks the link anyway, because yolo or whatever.

why i love it: what part of a married at first sight fic doesn’t make you want to immediately dive right in? the concept is fun, the execution is absolutely flawless, and it captures their dynamic so well while letting it develop naturally

motivation by connectknee

summary: Kevin knows when to back off, the article said. He knows just when to shut up and leave Patty alone, something Travis has never known how to do.

why i love it: the thing i love about this pairing is that tk is loud and in your face, and nolan’s more reserved, a little quieter, a little harder to read. this fic does a really great job of exploring how tk could feel like maybe he’s just a bit too much and is one of my favorites in terms of miscommunication

a tenderness grows by rusesdeguerre

summary: Nolan wouldn’t say that landing a job as the Philadelphia Flyers’ psychotic and probably clinically insane mascot was a childhood dream of his. Maybe tangentially: playing pond hockey in –30°C weather and pretending to be Sidney Crosby is practically a rite of passage when you grow up in Manitoba. That, and experiencing the distinct displeasure that is thousands of mosquitoes sucking your blood out when your father drags you on a father-son camping trip into the backwoods of the northern Canadian Prairies.

why i love it: this was the first fic i recced on this blog, and i stand by that decision. a fic where nolan is not only not a hockey player, but is in fact the person in the gritty suit? absolutely perfect, and so charming from start to finish

meet me at my window by springsteen

summary: Travis has lived in Philadelphia for a few years now, long enough to know there isn’t a major city in America where superheroes don’t destroy an entire city block trying to save humanity or whatever. He can deal with all the super-shit, but Travis did not sign up for getting woken up from a deep sleep because some fucker’s trying to break in through his window.

(5 times the super-villain known as "The Cat" breaks into Travis's apartment, plus 1 time Travis invites him in.)

why i love it: there’s a lot of things to love here, but the concept is just absolutely one of my all time favorite aus ever. it’s fun and charming and the perfect glimpse into a world where heroes and villains exist, and what it’s like just to be a run of the mill kind of guy existing in it. tk and nolan’s back and forth in this make it so engaging, and it’s such a top tier fic

body’s in trouble by cloudsandpassingevents

summary: “Oh, sorry,” someone says. “Didn’t know anyone else was here.”

Nolan freezes, then turns around very slowly. When he looks up, Nicklas fucking Backstrom is standing behind him in a hoodie and baggy sweats, holding the biggest bag of Swedish Fish Nolan’s ever seen in his life in one hand.

“Uh,” Nolan says around the pop tart between his teeth. “Yeah.”

What the fuck, his brain helpfully supplies.

why i love it: from nolan’s inner voice, to the way the author explores all the dynamics within the team, to the way they write the unexpected but actually, it kind of makes sense friendship between nolan and backstrom, is just absolutely fantastic. there’s a lot of moments that circle back and build on each other in a way that really just makes it super compelling

rhizomatic foundations by lighthousetowers

summary: Twenty days after he moves in with Kevin Hayes, twenty days – three months, five months, depending on how you look at it – after not talking to TK, TK shows up at the front door with a plant the size of a basketball in his hands.

TK grins. "Patty, meet Reginald." He lifts up the plant. "Reggie, meet Patty. He's going to be your new - caretaker."

"What the fuck," says Nolan, not moving a single muscle.

Or: That Nolan can hear the plant talk might as well just happen.

why i love it: this is probably my favorite magical realism fic just about ever. it’s fun and charming and a little weird, but in the best possible way. there’s such a wonderful narrative in it, and lighthousetowers always has such beautiful writing, and it really shines in this one. the dialogue and nolan’s characterization are also part of what set it apart for me as one of the best tknp fics

in the dark of any town by mengetpegged

summary: If the voice has an accent at all, it’s a flat prairie Canadian, with none of G’s French-Canadian softness at the edges. But mostly, the accent is just ‘pissed off,’ which TK believes is a default setting for ghosts.

“Who are you?” TK asks, and he doesn’t like how strained his voice sounds, doesn’t like the tinge of anxiety tinting the rise of his question. He tries to regulate his breaths—in through his nose, hold, out through his mouth—but it feels like he’s not getting enough oxygen, which makes him panic even more.

“Someone with a fucking migraine, dickhead,” the voice says. “So keep the lights off and shut the hell up.”

(or: Nolan Patrick, Hotel X Ghost)

why i love it: i’m usually not super into ghost fics, both the spooky kind and the nonspooky kind, but this one is a rare exception. it’s charming and fun and tender and it’s got some of, in my opinion, the best characterization of tk and nolan in any fic. the way the author writes their dynamic and their dialogue is just unmatched

lets_make_this_moment_a_crime.mp3 by honeydripping

summary: Travis meets Nolan at a Midtown show in 2002 when he punches Nolan in the face. He can’t help it, “Like A Movie” just goes off.

But he does feel guilty about it.

or

TK and Patty work at a bakery together. They go to punk shows to pass the time.

why i love it: idk if anyone asked for an early 2000s emo/punk/alt au but wow! i sure am glad it exists! really the vibes of this fic, as silly as that sounds, are absolutely unmatched. i love the structure with the music, the development of their relationship, and just everything about how the author wrote the setting (there’s this whole thing with tattoos in it that makes me feel absolutely insane)

you’re ripped at every edge by you’re a masterpiece by conformityissuicide

summary: “Ugh, look, this yoga teacher has it out for me, man. And I can’t go back there without at least having some of the basics down. I’ve got to win this battle.”

“Yoga isn’t really something you win at,” Hartsy starts.

Travis cuts him off, “You can win at anything if you try hard enough.”

+++

OR that time Nolan's a grumpy yoga teacher and Travis realizes he wants to bone him and prove him wrong about Travis' non-existent yoga abilities.

why i love it: listen, if you want tknp, at least one of them has to be an idiot, and this tk absolutely captures the obliviousness i love to see in him in fic. it’s such a great characterization of them both and such a great concept (and even better execution)

you form a terror pack (and i’m aware of that) by dalmatienne

summary: “Can I help you?” TK snarks, both eyebrows hiked up in a way that has earned her many elbow checks to the ribs.

The chick looks down her nose, long thick eyelashes fluttering. Red-bitten lips part to blow a florid pink bubble and TK can smell the chemical sweetness when it pops.

“Yeah,” she says in this monotonous voice that seems almost at odds with her bubble gum and neon skates. She jams her stopper into TK’s thigh again, literally inches away from where it’d really hurt. “Tie ‘em.”

why i love it: to be honest, i generally don’t read rule 63 within hrpf, but this one is just absolutely knocks it out of the park. the concept (i fuckin’ love roller derby), the characterization of nolan, the pacing, the rituals, the tone of the entire fic, it’s just all around a perfect read from start to finish

thrills and grills by bitter_leaf

summary: Travis can’t even begin to wonder what he did in a previous life to incur the wrath of this fucking cook. Travis thinks he’s a nice person, doesn’t conduct himself in any way that could be considered particularly dickish, and unless this guy has some sort of issue with hockey bros or people from the boonies, he’s not sure how he started shit without even knowing.

__

Patty has a vendetta. Travis just wants to eat his eggs in peace.

why i love it: honestly this is the enemies to lovers fic i’ve been waiting for. i remember seeing the reddit post when it first went viral and thinking it would make such a great fic premise, so stumbling across this one was just so wonderful. super engaging and fun and so hilarious to read!

nothing but room for you by fightingfuries

summary: When his agent tells him he’s going to be traded to the Devils, Nolan isn't sure how he feels about it. Might be easier if he was going somewhere farther away, like California or fucking Florida. Somewhere sun-soaked and foreign. Someplace so different from Philadelphia that he can forget he ever played for the Flyers, forget everything that happened there.

Or Nolan fucks up, gets traded, gets his shit together and falls in love. Not necessarily in that order.

why i love it: i cannot stress to you how much i love trade fics, and this one is one of my absolute favorites. the trade to the devils-so close to philly, still, but there’s more to distance than physical miles-was such an excellent choice and the split timeline adds so much to the narrative, and the emotions are real and messy and complicated in the best way

a couple of runaways (i’m glad you stayed) by overturnedgoal

summary: The person in the video he’s watching is super annoying. Some obnoxious holier than thou granola type who keeps talking about their environmental impact as if they aren’t driving a gas guzzler around, but the basic idea of living in a van, driving around wherever, camping all the time, just going hiking and swimming and seeing the whole country? It sounds pretty dope, honestly.

why i love it: i like to watch tours and conversions of vans/buses into tiny homes as a self soothing method, and this fic has the same impact that watching those do. it’s such a fun concept, and it’s so fuckin’ soft, and the dialouge between tk and nolan is just *chef’s kiss*

all candor and style in the crook of your smile by p3trichor

summary: It’s a photo of Nolan on his knees with someones’ fingers in his mouth, lips slick with spit. Travis flicks by it almost too fast and he’s only got seconds to decide if he wants to screenshot it, if he wants to just give up the ghost right then and there. Except Travis’s phone freezes momentarily and then the group refreshes, sidcros87, Bert59 and 14 others took a screenshot!

It’s gone before Travis even has time to process it and he already wasted his replay of the day on a stupid video of a stupid fish that Hayes caught.

Can you send me that screenshot Travis texts Bertuzzi before he can overthink it, his dick already stirring in his sweats. Tuzzi sends back the cry-laughing emoji and then the screenshot before Travis can be too annoyed at him.

Or, Nolan is being weird about Travis's break-up and TK is maybe not straight.

why i love it: i genuinely don’t think i have words for the amount i love this fic. it took me forever to actually read, but it’s absolutely one of my favorite fics, and it’s an absolutely riot to read. carter’s meddling and the presence of tyler bertuzzi both make it extra fun, in my humble opinion

[mrsmarlasinger]

I fell asleep for a bit but I'm awake now, having dosed(???) five hours ago. Why can I feel my teeth!!!! I CAN FEEL THE NERVES IN MY TEETH. Ew. Also the inside of my nose is cold, and I am cold, but less cold than I was earlier (as well as marginally more clear-headed). I think I get what my QPP means when they say weed magnifies every sensation for them. See, I'm not too high to use active voice even when the subject is an inanimate object

OH MY GOD "Detention" by Melanie Martinez just came on and I FELT the start of the song move inside my brain, and in my nose and teeth. I love drugs. But actually, I think I still prefer DXM for music listening. I want my head to become a deep cave made of music and for me to dive into it and melt into the music and for my soul to float up through the music and into the stars. Y'know what I'm saying????

God, I sound like a fucking stoner. I'm not even. Today is the four-week anniversary of my t-break from dex. Hasn't even been hard--I think I'm through the worst of my DXM hyperfixation lololol. Instead my hyperfixation is my new story characters, who basically do a lot of drugs and have a lot of sex and make a lot of bad decisions and be really mencholly eel. Sooo in a way, I'm still hyperfixated on drugs, but only indirectly. You can't blame me, I'm 21 and only just going through my rebellious, bucking-the-severe-repression phase. And I made my characters in the Sims 4 and made a messy college house full of cups and cans and bottles for them and threw them a kegger, because I have the Discover University expansion pack and they are in college (even though I'm not, anymore). My teeth hurt.

Wait, was I hitting the Enter key three times last post? Or two? How much am I supposed to do it? Okay, I will just hit it once. Anyway, so like I was saying about the music cave earlier, I probably need a higher dose (a dose? A fucking dose? Is that what I'm supposed to say?) of weed. Next time I will take the whole edible all at once, I think. My teeth hurt. But at least on dex you can sort of hole...God, I wanna try ket so fucking bad. I want drug friends. By the way, my QPP is my drug friend because they gave me the edibles because...I kind of don't remember why, but love you, bestie!!!

You know text shadows in Microsoft Word or PowerPoint or whatever? That's what I'm seeing on my keyboard. Anyway, I need drug friends. I want acid and ket and shrooms and molly and kitty flipping and candy flipping and LSDXM...in Minecraft, of course. But I will pay money. In Minecraft. I won't say what other thing I'm thinking about doing because it doesn't matter and I can't do it unless maybe if I get a shitty old laptop from a pawn shop. Jk 😌 I wish I was rich. You know what I'd spend my money on, in Minecraft.

Anyway, my teeth hurt. I know this would synergize so well with DXM, just like all my besties in the dex subreddit say. I never get close-eyed visuals on DXM but I am getting some on this trip(??) because it's quite visual. And my hot pink fairy lights look so beautiful. Make DXM more visual?? Hell yeah.

With the dex, I so so so hope my tolerance break helps. I only did it four times in six weeks, and yeah I sort of broke the week per plat rule a bit, but how can I have already gotten desensitized to...what was the last dose I took...300 mg? 375? 390? It's not that high but I'm tiny, I only weigh like I don't know, maybe 110 lbs (that's a whole other herstory but I refuse to have an anorexic meltdown on weed ❤️).

And I kinda want RoboTabs but freebase hits faster and I love me a good long high. I don't know what dose I'll take next month (or whenever I'll do it again, idk and idrc). Maybe 450 mg? 15*3=45*10=30 gelcaps. Ughhh, the sorbitol would knock me on my ass. I would seriously throw up. Wish anticholinergics didn't give you dementia, it would be nice to have a little DPH with my dex...except I am really fucking sensitive to Benadryl, so maybe it wouldn't...oh wait, weed is an antiemetic!! That's partly why they say it works so well with DXM!! Yeah, maybe I do like 345 mg and an edible? Half an edible? Probably I should start low and experiment more before I go all in, but hey, I like astral projecting.

Oh my god, do you want to remember something scary I read about k-holing? I don't remember the exact source or exactly what it said, so take this with a shaker of salt, but I believe it said when you k-hole, your brain activity STOPS? Like being dead, but it doesn't cause brain damage because you're still breathing, your brain is still getting oxygen. Isn't that so terrifying? But I want it, I want to know. I've kind of dex-holed a little on low third plat, but definitely not like that.

The thing weed will not do is help with the histamine release you get with dex, which a first-generation antihistamine would, but it's so bad for you and a deliriant and DXM potentiates it. Wish the dex body load weren't so damn dirty. This body load is soooo much more manageable. But my teeth. Hurt >:(

Anyway, that's probably all I need to ramble. I forgot what else I was going to say. It was probably about dex I'm sure. Fun how I will not shut the fuck up about fucking cough medicine. God.

[divinemissdella]

I understand youre mad that eddie won't be back for a second season but calling the duffer bros hacks bc they didn't write a story of salvation seems a bit much lol. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and then they die. Sometimes good people get bad lots in life and they cant overcome that. That HAPPENS. It's not lazy to not save every single character. It's not lazy to have an unhappy ending. Not all stories have to wrap up making you feel good. It doesn't make the storyteller shit at telling stories. Idk so many people seem to feel like the duffer brothers ~don't deserve eddie or whatever just bc they decided he was always destined for tragedy and that seems like a really neutered way to interact with stories. Some people do have tragic lives with no redemption by the end. Telling stories about characters like that isn't lazy or bullshit and it's actually very skillful to make everyone love them and hope for them so fiercly the way stranger things has. I guess idc about the duffer bros specifically but the way everyone shits on the handling of the character just bc there was never any chance for salvation. It just feels like we all need to stop expecting salvation and hope from EVERY character in everything we watch and read. Surely that's boring?

Referring to the Duffer brothers as hacks stretch further back beyond a story of salvation. If anything, I understand why Eddie was killed off regarding the character arc. I find their work grating from many lazy writing decisions that have been made across the show in its entirety. Plus, they seem to write to stereotype.

My issue with the Duffers regarding Eddie was with stating they didn't see a way he would be able to have any semblance of a decent life. The character was not a two-dimensional one, so why expect simplistic outcomes, especially in a show whereby other characters of similar stereotyping have managed to escape that amongst the otherwise confines of the society in which they exist? Then I have an issue where one character is explained basically as a 'bad egg' and pigeonholed that only salvation can come in the form of death. That, more than an issue with writing, is simple issue with stereotyping full stop.

With regards to your comment: "Telling stories about characters" being "...very skillful to make everyone love them and hope for them so fierc(e)ly the way stranger things has." The telling of a story using a screenplay is a multipath street in terms of a television show, film or live production. Words on the page are indeed written by the writers, which the actors and director take and create added dimensions. Like taking a recipe to make a cake. Each actor helps to construct the characters with their understanding of who that person is, what their motivations are and deep diving around why they are who they are. Hand in hand with production who create costumes, hair, make up, effects, scenes and sets, lighting, sound and many other behind the scenes teams and specialty areas all landing under the hand of the director. It is the director who has a vision for what the scene as a microcosm of the larger piece should look like on screen. It's a skilled dance of many. No one, not even the Duffers themselves, anticipated the extent to which Eddie would resonate with people around the world. It happens, and had they someone else in the role, someone else organising costume, someone else handling hair and makeup then perhaps that would not have happened the that would have led to a very different flatter version of the character as written in the screenplays themselves.

If you've not, I highly recommend you take the time to research the actual writing quality in the screenplays. Research 'missed opportunities' you will see many examples that I won't bother retyping to reiterate.