#i love this show so much my good GOD lmao.. buying everyone a plane ticket in spirit

[jack-kellys]

i said i’d post more notes so here are some MORE uk notes, organized enough for u to skip to whichever part u wanna read first. main hits in order are:

1. delanceys as a whole actually

2. jack and physicality (bodily and visually)

3. davey and leaders

4. ensemble notes at the end. here we go!

also all my other analyses so far r linked at the bottom <3 go look

~the delancey brothers!~

so help me i love these guys. i hate them so much and i rly don’t think they’ve been this evil before, like i think. they were more of a cartoonish school bully kind of threat.. but like. nah dude. these are strikebreakers. and they act like it.

they are both taller than essentially all of the newsies except davey. which idt has been true in the past but is significant based on the fact that jack kelly is usually cast always under 5’10 i THINK.. to show he’s still a kid. these delanceys just look bigger, and are older. they don’t interact as much with anyone wearing knickers instead of full-length pants. except.

when each newsie goes up to grab their papers, oscar does a different mean thing to LITERALLY EACH ONE OF THEM. he’ll drop them, or fake a kid out (his fake out w/ buttons has made me jump each time i’ve sat close enough in woodside LMAO he nearly hits him!!), or hold the papers away from them, or push them into their chest. or just give them a sneer. like he is just awful LMFAO

another thing is that they smile very easily when they are doing horrible things. it’s so fucking cool HAHAH but ok lemme go chronologically i’ll speak on dis later

when jack is writing up on the chalkboard, he’s not fighting some guy- it’s oscar, dude. jack and oscar literally go at it, and jack is so physical in this show so when he’s fighting his whole body is fighting. jack shoves oscar down onto the stairs, oscar gets up and tries to grab him but jack SHOVES HIS ENTIRE FOOT into oscar’s stomach and literally pushes him with everything he’s got and oscar tumbles into the stairs, knocking more wind out of him, and is coughing and shit all while “strike!” goes up on the board. god. it rly is the way jack has to put his whole body into making sure oscar can’t get up… it must be an even fight normally

when -5 newsies show up to the gate and they have the “ahh oscar we got bum information” it’s like… they don’t have to intimidate to intimidate. “my skull bustin’ arm” isn’t cartoonish, bro, it’s a fucking fact. and then oscar just laughs, and it’s not evil it’s like bc this is genuinely fun and amusing to him that they are going to kick some kid ass. man!

and then they do i mean i think it’s brass knuckles to the face that take crutchie out… they might kick him too. idr i’m watching all the kids run for their lives during the fight tbh.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, THEY SHOW UP WITH BATS. and it’s not like. a little stage combat bop to the face via a wrist motion— morris at least is swinging with two hands at these kids like he’s tryna hit a home run. it’s choreographed well obv, so he doesn’t even have to slow his swing it’s literally a straight up… if a kid got hit with that they’d be down for the rest of the strike. period bro. it’s kinda fuckin terrifying.

act 2 baby! pulitzer’s office. when pulitzer is extorting jack, when he says “oh, but it’s not right to condemn that little cr*ppled boy to conditions like those…” oscar. fucking. looks over to his brother. and smiles. no it was not a one night thing either. it is every. time. pulitzer mentions crutchie. and it’s chilling, it’s slow and knowing and BAD ASF !! then they haul jack off.

he’s taken upstage behind the scaffolding towers while pulitzer sings the rest of the reprise, but there’s enough light to see what’s going on between the three of them. and what’s going on is that jack is held to the wall while the delanceys take turns punching him. like. whole-shoulder-into-it hits. in the ribs so no one can visually see. oh. my. god. they wrench him downstage and toss him to the ground, jack actually falling and sliding (unlike….proshot where jerjor stumbles to the ground ig) onto his stomach during “we’ve been given discretion..” (discretion only, which is why they rough jacks up privately as he technically hasn’t given the brothers a reason to smack him around..) jack looks like he’s about to get up when my perhaps my favorite detail in the show happens. everyone listen closely:

oscar puts his foot down, on jack’s shoulder. his right shoulder. the shoulder of which fic writers and headcanoners for years have been including as some place where jack has chronic pain after an injury. and michael does a few shoulder moments through the show if you’re really looking (not as obv as jerjor but more natural maybe) and like. and oscar stands on it and pushes jacks back to the ground. holy FUCKING SHIT! ITS!!!! ITS THERE!!! our fucking!! the Thing!!!!! the fucking lore bro like does oscar know it’s sensitive for jack… duuuude. evil delanceys best delanceys

anyway they literally rock. pay attention to them onstage if u can! also the actors r quite funny together and they often do a bull-and-cape bows choreo thing w/ george running thru alex’s mimed cape <3

speaking of jack though, …jack!!

im not making this up jack does tilt davey’s chin up at some point i just don’t remember when… it has to be sometime on seize the day. it’s.. i don’t think i’m making this up.

he does make a point of tilting… might’ve been romeo’s chin up during the seize the day speech during “ain’t no crime to being poor,” and jack makes a movement for the kid to hold his head up. ugh. jack’s pride through this show is a wild wild journey because all it really is.. is within other people. god. god…

another big jack thing as i like to yell abt is his physicality.. when he’s impressed he’s soft and when he needs to get something out of someone or get them away from him he’s distinctly rougher. his physical action is also quite purposeful and feels less reactive than it does like… thought through. even when he’s tugging himself away from les even it’s like an “oh, get off of me already”. it’s a slow, sort of just sick-of-it motion, it’s a wind-up into pulling his arm away (oh this could. be because it’s his bad shoulder and oscar had dug his heel into it the night before. hold tf on WOAH WOAH!!!! rizz ghost-directed this production fr) before of course he realizes it’s les. like it’s very clear he’d be the type to hide an injury really well and then when he lets himself feel it he feels it.

continuing the end of the rally though oh my god. he basically stands upstage center as everyone passes him. everyone he’s ever known passes him and insults him and shoves him but what’s interesting is like. the money is still in his hand. and no one takes it. idk it’s just cool. but literally everyone has words to say to him (well, some spit at him), because honestly, jack said words to them.

significantly, and i can’t stress this enough, jack is an extremely good observer and because of this he does think before he speaks.. in a way. he bases it around a person for sure though, specifically: during the seize the day speech, he goes up to race (he makes his rounds through the whole stage during this part, getting to speak to every newsie on stage. it’s really.. ah, moving, tbh) when he says “they are slaving to support themselves, and their folks” BECAUSE he’d been seeing race and davey not get along (hello to my post about that) through most of the show.. because of davey’s privilege of having a home. inversely, during the rally ‘speech’ jack says “how long can you go without making money” to fucking tommy boy, WHO HAD BEEN A SCAB. tommy literally stands up from the ladder he’s sitting on too bc literally how dare jack… like that is SO. specific.

^but, it also shows that jack definitely knows the methodology of trying to win people over. he knows how to be persuasive, he just obviously isn’t at the rally bc he’d been even more persuasive during seize the day.

• caveat. race is literally so fun to watch during the rally. because he quite literally is only here for the cause because of jack, like if jack wasn’t leading it… idt he’d be in support of it. (especially based on his dislike of davey). he does this “oh my god” of disbelief when jack says to vote no, shaking his head and laughing a little. it’s just. horrified. and it’s gradual too, like he slowly realizes what is going on, that jack is selling out vs. being genuine. ugh. love this racetrack so much but anyway

davey’s shove to jack when he goes to get les is like so small and light in the way of like. not wanting to touch him. because WWH reprise had been filled to the brim of davey touching jack and now davey can barely even fathom it. god they are so going out. also i think it’s interesting that dave and les are the ones to take on and off jack’s newsie square mural, since they’re the only two who have been in the know of jack’s talent since towards the start of the show (meddas)… cool choice.

santa fe for this jack feels the least tangible, like it’s very much in his mind. from it being ingrained in the set, and certainly the moon expanding and practically consuming him from behind, it’s very… dreamlike and visual. when davey walks in on jack painting he’s like “ohhhh is that santa fe. lmao.” LIKE?? it’s very not real in this which is interesting. because jack is very very good at running in this. so it’s cool that this rly is the one time he can’t (when he wants to).

also it rly is the way that the mics caught the ripping noises when jack is taking off the portraits from his penthouse’s overhang… the slow one at the end of “ you stole for those boys, didn’t you?” whew. and he looks at it. and then hides it. god

also, and i’m realizing this hasn’t been canon before: jack is packing a bag to literally leave. he has the money, he kept the jacobs out of jail, he has to go. because his pride does reside in others, and when there seems to be no one left, he has to leave. of course he does. god…

davey time.

the holding of davey’s head is after world will know while the tables are being set up. finally nailed down when tf this happens lmao

“oh, wow… well. you’re really good.” davey covers up when he’s impressed in favor of a statement of fact. he doesn’t like giving away his position, even when it’s not about the strike (/this foreshadows his hesitancy in the next scene, and his statements of facts about how strikes work accidentally backfiring as a stalling tactic and turn into actual reasons to strike).

davey laughs when he’s nervous, which makes when he’s smiling and when he’s not.. quite stark. his resting face is a little inquisitive frown, like he’s always kind of listening. but yeah for his spotlight at the rally he literally is like “oh haha! um- umm, haha— NEWSIESOFNEWYORK. haha! ummm, we got kids from- from every neighborhood!!” i love him. just the concept of meaning what you say so much that it needs to come out of you no matter what form it takes. @we-are-inevitable and i have talked abt poet!davey before and yeah it was uk davey who it stemmed from for a reason.

the role call moment in seize the day is cringe but genuinely davey’s will never not make me laugh bc like HE THINKS it’s cringe too. but what he also does is not call himself david. he says davey. during a role call. names. and it’s davey. do y’all understand

i actually will probably never shut up about crutchie’s open arms to davey after the refuge and davey rly just falling into it my god.. it makes me so emotional. and they talk for so long…

• to this point, i think it’s rly interesting how leaders, specifically, gravitate towards davey. charlie is talking to the guy upon impact- after world will know the two of them are borderline speaking over jack.. the blocking has charlie turned inward towards davey while sitting on the table, which blocks jack off. race argues with davey partway thru the pre-seize the day scene enough so for jack to push race back. and spot LOVES davey. he’ll try to look toward jack and she will bring him right back down to her level and get him looking at her again and they RUN OFF WITHOUT HIM even though they’re all headed to the same place. like lmao. davey is built to lead and engage, there is just something within his nature that is desperate to come out that all the other leaders tease out in different ways. tbh katherine too. DEFINITELY katherine too, since they’re attached at the hip.

we end the davey section with a javid moment idr if i’ve mentioned or not: when jack sets the deal to buy back papers with pulitzer, the transition back to newsie square is davey running. running to jack, katherine a ways behind, and grabbing jack’s shoulders with his eyes widened. well? and jack kinda shrugs, he’s playing it cool before he just grins, and davey rattles jack’s arms before they like. their hug is so close and intimate and rough and davey shoves jack into him, it’s the kind of hug that rocks them side to side a bit. my god. it’s unbelievable. can’t believe they got away w that level of homo onstage <3

speaking of homos im gonna go thru some ensemble quick stuff

albert and crutchie are close friends in this which is so cool. albert is also like consistently the one to pick anyone up off the ground, be it crutchie or les or another kid. it’s just what he does and it helps to not single out crutchie as well. he’s just so helpful and unhinged. like what a weird fucking paring he’s so crazy LMAO

finch is the one who starts the boos during the rally, loud and abrasive and angry. he and race are standing at manhattan with… ooh. idk. it might be splasher but literally do not quote me. finch is just so abrasive through this whole show i fucking love him. loud weirdo

mike is the angriest newsie in town. he is always yelling before a dance break

every time jojo and jack interact it’s like he’s picking up his baby brother or he’s hugging him etc and it like literally makes me emotional lololol. wow

jack bromage was fully back as tommy boy for my show (he’d been out for a bit/doing partial things bc of an injury!!) and THANK GOD because he is. and i’ve been over this but he is literally so cool LMAO he is For The Cause.

buttons is literally so cool in this despite his name. he steals from a vendor before getting the other newsie he’s with to toss their fruit to a sitting-alone splasher, his bit with the delanceys gets him pissed, he’s just consistently ready to actually throw hands and appreciate him for it. kind of serves uhhh livesies tommy boy energy which is fantastic

henry just has a lot more lines in this which surprises me every time. either that or he talks a lot just when he’s onstage LMAO

specs kind of always either literally leads or encourages the movement when newsies are in the aisles/city alleyways, which makes sense— of course the lookout would know the city back and forth!! god! i love him. i do wish we had a black actor again but sam is very sweet <3

that’s all! i say, having done another multiple thousand-word analysis post. thanks for joining me once again gents.

my past analyses have been about:

the show at large +principal characters,

davey,

something to believe in’s new perspective,

other general notes/characterizations,

and racetrack!

[bwoahtastic]

lmao at seb making nico do volunteer work and she will do it but she'll be wearing chanel 😭 these ideas are very much based on things that nico has done irl because I love that man but my god is he weird and dramatic but also the perfect inspiration for this

-- seb wants to get involved with a river clean up in her local area and she asks nico to do it with her. nico agrees but she shows up to the river in a €3000 cream chanel blazer (irl nico has actually done a river clean up in a €4000 double breasted jacket). for obvious reasons seb thinks that nico's outfit is a terrible idea, seb herself is wearing old jeans and a flannel shirt (and she looks incredible in it), but nico somehow manages to make it work and does the whole event looking like she stepped out of a magazine. afterwards seb makes nico buy the drinks, and they have a good laugh about all the guys who fell into the river trying to impress them.

-- nico actually really enjoyed the volunteering, so when a beach clean up near to her comes around, she signs herself and seb up. seb wasn't actually going to be in the country that day, but Nico didn't bother asking, and seb eventually agrees, on the condition that nico cannot wear anything designer. nico agrees, but shows up to the beach wearing the tiniest pair of short shorts that seb has ever seen, and considering the things that seb has worn, that's saying a lot. half of the volunteers spend more time staring at nico as she bends over than they do actually working. nico pushes seb into the sea, and because seb isn't wearing a bra, everyone can see her nipples. nico claims that seb now can't criticise her because she's just as bad as nico.

Ksksk PLSS

Normally the 2 mostly race together or gossip and drink but Nico agrees to doing the river cleanup because well, she knows better than to say no to her bestie.

Seb laughing so much when she sees Nico's chanel outfit and she almost pisses her pants seeing Nico looking so proper snd perfectly styled sksks. Snd Nico just gawking st Seb looking so hot in thr cut off shorts and flannel ksks.

Nico still looking proper by the end of it snd not a speck of dirt on her and Seb is covered in mud cos zhe started a mud fight sskksks (not with Nico, she values her life thank you very much)

Nico then signing them up for the beach clean up and she buys Seb a plane ticket so,she cant say no lmao! Seb agrees cos well, its a lil holiday with her bestie and volunteering is smthn she loves! She does giggle when Nico doesn't wear designer but still wears tiny shorts and a little crop top and everyone is staring at her ass lol! And seb in those zip off pants that make Nico fake barf sksks and a white top that is very much see through after Nico pushes her in the sea aksks

It's okay, Seb loves her boobs and doesn't mind showing them off a little (not caring Christiqn has a heart attack seeing then red bull driver Seb like.thst lolol)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #423

“i won’t think about you when i’m older  /  ‘cuz we never really had our closure”

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? Neither. Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? No. Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? My late grandmother's husband stayed overnight when he was driving from New York to Florida or the other way around, idr. How many long term relationships have you been in? Two. Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? My snake's heat lamp stays on. Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? My dad. Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I don't think I've even heard one of her songs. Do you know your blood type? A-. Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. Have you got your period at the moment? I haven't had my period since I started TMS. It's honestly so fucking frustrating that it obviously had an effect on my body, but not my depression. I've officially finished TMS as of a few days ago and now I just feel so void of hope. Have you ever been pregnant? No. How old were you when you first went on a plane? Idr, I was a little kid. Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Not me personally, but my parents have for my education that I threw away. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes. I don't see my dad a lot, but he's still in my life regardless. When was the last time you went apple picking? I’ve never been. Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? Happiness. Have you ever been drunk at school or work? I have not. How many bedrooms are in your house? Three. Are you smart about computers? Not really, no. Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? Yes. My sister loved them, so we have a few. Do you own a Xbox 360? No. I'm a PlayStation girl. Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? No. I'd be mortified. So, do you need a nap? I really should take one. I slept like... maybe three hours last night. I was up most of the night having a fucking life crisis. What would you rather be doing? Something fun. What sport are you the best at? I haven't touched any sort of sport since I was a teenager. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Do you complain a lot? Kind of, but I generally try to keep it in surveys nowadays. I'm just tired of shit. Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? Ohhh, tough pick, but I've gotta say the ancient temple. Do you like fruity or minty gum? Both, really. Are you looking forward to any day of this month? Well July is practically over, so I'll answer for August. I'm looking forward to my nephew's birthday. Have you ever gotten detention? A few times for getting too many morning tardies in high school. Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? Definitely. Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? Powerwolf did recently. Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I could write a college-length essay on why meerkats do not make good pets whatsoever. Do fucking not get one. I can barely fathom how it's legal in some countries. Ever cried so much you threw up? No, but I've gagged. Who is your best guy friend? Girt. What do you two do when you hang out? Mostly just watch TV and play board games. What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? I dunno, really. Do you even like horror movies? I love horror movies. Do you live in the country? I wish I still did. :/ Me and Mom hate hate hate living in these suburbs. What is your favorite accent? British. Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? No. Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? Coke. Pepsi is gross. What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? I was literally in the psych hospital for my 21st birthday lmao. It's kind of a painful memory, but I also won't forget the love and kindness people showed me. I especially remember the friend I made there getting the lunch lady to literally go and buy me a slice of cake. Everyone also sang happy birthday to me and gaaaah I'm getting emotional. Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? That was my dad's drink of choice when he drank. Do you take a lot of pictures? Unless I have my camera and am somewhere pretty, no. What kind of face wash do you use? Water, lol. Does drama always seem to follow you? Nah. Does anybody in your family race? No. Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom. How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” Uhhh... I want to say $2 or something? I might be way off, idr. How long do you want to live with your parents? I WISH I could have moved out with an s/o already, but that's just not how life's worked out. Do you have a laptop or desktop? I have a laptop. Do you like your parents? I love them. Do you secretly like someone? It's not a secret, no. Would you ever date your best male friend? Tried that once and it didn't work out. I liked him more as like a brother. What are you currently listening to? "Better Than Me" by Hinder. I really need to turn it off, but I can't make myself. Do you want to be single? I really wish I had a partner to love and motivate me to strive to do better, but I know it's better I'm single right now. I'd just relive the Jason situation, I'm sure. I'd just drag the person down and lose them. Did you go out or stay in last night? I'm almost always at my fucking house not doing shit, so. Have you pretended to like someone? No, that sounds pretty stupid... How is your heart lately? Hurting. A lot. Are you wearing socks? I hate wearing socks and I'm in bed anyway, so no. What do people call you? Britt, mostly. Do you get stressed out easily? VERY. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? No. What is wrong with you right now? Where the hell to begin. Do you own something from Hot Topic? A lot. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? With someone, so long as the bed is big enough to comfortably fit two of us. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No. I'm certain he wants nothing to do with me. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Sadly. Did you get any compliments today? Definitely not. I look and feel like a wreck right about now. There's nothing to praise me about. Have you ever gone to a beach? Many times. What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? Unless it was an edible, no. I'd do almost anything to try and make me feel better right now, even if just for a little while, but I'm unwilling to smoke anything. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? HELL no. Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Honestly, no. Do you have long nails? No; I never do because I have an awful habit of picking at them. Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. Do you generally look nice in photos? HA. Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? No. What colour are your father’s eyes? They're dark brown. If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? Ozzy, duh. Name three facts about your family? We're very, very spread out geographically, some of us (in other words, me) are emotionally distant, and uh... idk. Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? Only if it was a certain person, our lives were more on track, and we were making plans for either of us to move soon. What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received? Probably this really long letter my mom wrote for me on my bday a couple years ago. What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? I played the flute for many years, all through middle school and through much of high school. Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? Carve pumpkins, for sure. Do you think you’re important? I don't fucking know. Probably not. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Idk. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? *hands over thick book* Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. My hands are way, way too shaky to ever accomplish that. Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. What was the first thing you ate today? Well, I was seriously depression-eating last night, way past midnight, and had a peanut butter sandwich. If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? LET'S NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT RIGHT NOW. If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? "Falling apart." I've lost direction, motivation, strength, hope, just everything. What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? I need a fucking shower so bad that it's embarrassing. I just can't move. I have no energy, emotionally or physically. I just can't make myself do it. Is there anything that you wish you could take back? So, so badly. What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? Actually reaching goals. Losing weight. Healing my legs. Knowing with certainty that I wasn't emotionally abusive to Jason. Moving out of this town and back into the country. Financial stability. A job I thoroughly enjoy. I could go on, but let's not. If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? God, let me take back shit I said in that fucking letter to you-know-who. It's so hard to believe I once thought it perfectly justified and realistic. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I don't have any plans of changing the style in the foreseeable future. I want to color it BADLY. To just SOMETHING. Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? I'm like, a lightning-fast typist. Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ No; my best friend in HS was, though. Her GPA was fucking insane. I was in the top percentile, though, so I was up there. What the hell happened to that girl. How many drugs are in your system? If we're including prescriptions, a whole hell of a lot. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Jack shit. Like usual. Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. Do you call anyone baby? Excluding my pets, no. What’s your current mood? lol if you've gotten this far reading, you can make an educated guess. Do you think you are a good person? Bro I just don't know. What were you doing before filling out this survey? I was playing WoW. How late did you stay up last night? Like, 4:30 or so. When was the last time you cried really hard? I wanna say like a week ago? Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No. It still badly needs a trim, though.

[impalaimagining]

PittCon Sunday

(sorry this is so late. my mind has been reeling since I stepped into Jensen’s hug. cut comes after the gold panel)

My heart was racing as I typed this because it contains the letters to Jared story and the interaction between he and I as I gave him the binder and reliving that moment is everything I ever wanted. My liiiffeeee <3333 

Part One (Gold Panel): 

They come walking down the glass bridge. Jensen waves. Jared pushes him aside and becomes the star of the show. Jared takes off his beanie and everybody screams (still don’t understand how he does it).

Someone in the second row continues to talk to Jared from her seat instead of waiting to be selected for a question. (*heavy eye rolling from me*)

Jared and Jensen are sleepy little dorks and I love it. They’re still running on Vancouver time. Jensen didn’t sleep Saturday night, he watched the hours roll by. Jared says we should’ve called Jensen and invited him out with us. Jensen’s got “about two hours of solid” him left before it gets either “really interesting or really boring.”

Jared realizes the actress who plays Hitler granddaughter is from Pittsburgh. They’re “chuggin’ along” with filming - already on episode six. 

Jared says they’re still waiting for the call for season 14 renewal.

Fan is upset because Jensen promised to sing at SNS this year. He laughs and asks, “You believed that?!” He blames timezone switches and Rob, because Rob “likes Pittsburgh to himself.”

They’ve been on a juice diet because “summer was hard” on them (specifically Jared - who still looks incredible, by the way). As Jensen was walking on stage, he found a cup of goldfish crackers and stuffed a handful in his mouth. He comes on stage still chewing. They’re already talking about getting burgers for dinner Sunday night.

Jared envies people who can draw because he loves to do it but is “really bad at it.” Jensen makes a “mean stick figure.” They joke about they wish they could take their profession anywhere the way musicians and sketch artists/painters can. Jensen laughs and says he envisions Jared standing in front of a t-rex exhibit “To be! Or not to be!”

Jared takes on “Misha form!” while answering a question about their childhood memory. Jared tells the story of Tom starting kindergarten. He was flooded with emotions while the other parents were already used to taking their kids and just dropping them off. Meanwhile Jared is crying. Jensen says he has a lot of good childhood memories, but one of his favorite is his sixth birthday. He woke up and put on his cowboy outfit, complete with six-shooters and a sheriff’s badge. He walked outside and there was a horse in the yard for him to ride. Their yard wasn’t big, but he rode the horse in circles and shot his cap guns.

Jensen was never “into” sports medicine, but it was what he chose as he selected college major originally. Jensen says he thinks it would be fun to be a boat captain. Jared planned on going to school for engineering to follow in the footsteps of his brother. Instead, his brother ended up becoming a surgeon, and Jared thinks he would’ve followed that path as well. Jared’s other career options are doctor or teacher. “It’d be fun to be a wildlife photographer,” according to Jared. Jensen decides he wants to be a food and drink writer. Jared mocks avocado toast, Jensen says he’ll wolf one down if it allows him to travel to Italy.

Jared has so much trouble with his microphone.

They’ve never dreamed as Sam and Dean, but they dream about them and the set. Jared has had dreams about Kim Manners since his passing, where they talk, “which is... interesting.”

Danneel has to tell Jensen to stop using the Dean voice. Other times she’s like, “Can you please use the Dean voice...?”

Fan says alternate universe in s12 was out of left field but it was awesome. Asks if the boys have been surprised by anything the writers have thrown into the plot. Jensen says French Mistake. Jared says his big left field moment was when he traveled to Los Angeles before season 6 and met with Sera. She told him about soulless!Sam and he had to hide his gut reaction because he was right in front of her instead of being on the phone like he normally would be. Soulless!Sam is one of Jared’s favorite character twists. 

Jensen would never rule theatre out of his life as a future option. He doesn’t currently have plans to return to the stage, but he wouldn’t mind going back. Jared says he hasn’t done theatre in a long time, and he loved it. It’s the “best training ground possible,” but it’s hard to keep it fresh. Jared compares theatre to doing squats for thirty minutes. Jensen laughs and mocks him. joking about never skipping leg day.

A fan is getting fired for being at the convention. Asks about binge watching because she has a lot of free time now. Jensen says he watched Ozark in a week. Jared says Breaking Bad, but he’s on to Ozark because of Jensen’s recommendation. 

Fan gives suggestions for food places. A place called Burgatory. Jensen asks if there are any exits. 

“Did someone say Sanchez?” - Jared... why

Unicorns or dragons? Jared: unicorns ‘cause they’re not going to kill me, and they fart rainbows. Jensen: I’m gonna go dragons. Speaking of dragons... anybody watch game of thrones? Jared jokes about Jensen ruining the show for him by mentioning dragons. Jensen asks if everyone is caught up. Fan says no. Jensen: “earmufffssss!” He thinks they totally ripped off the demon!Dean transformation scene.

Part Two:

Jensen Ackles photo op! 

Was a little nervous but not really because like yeah he’s adorable and Jensen friggin Ackles but I didn’t have anything to tell him or show him so it was nothing like Misha (or Jared).

I walked up and said, “Hi! How are you?” He smiled and said, “I’m good. Tired. How are you?” I kind of yelled a little bit when I responded but it was so worth it. “Great now!” And then I proceeded to throw my arms around him and Chris took the picture. Jensen rubbed my shoulder as I was walking away. 

His hugs are so soft and gentle. His voice is so sweet and smooth. Jensen Ackles smells amazing and he’s so... *sigh* 

Part Three: 

JARED. PADALECKI.

This is the motherfucking ultimate high point of my weekend. I met. I hugged. I got a photo with. Jared. Padalecki. 

As I walked up, my heart was pounding let me tell you, boy. He smiles and says, “Hi!” oooh lawd his breath smells like booze and it’s something of my dreams (don’t ask.). I can smell his cologne. Y’all weren’t kidding when you said he uses a fuckton. I love it. I’m all giggly and nervous and I’m like, “I wanna show you something!” 

I spin around and pull my hair back off my ear and show him my tattoo. He - I kid you not - screams over the music playing. “NO SHIT!” I nod and give him this giant smile. “That’s my handwriting!!!” Yes it is you big, beautiful man. “That’s awesome!” I’m in fuckin euphoria and I don’t even feel him lean against my head when Chris snaps the photo. I have no idea if I even looked into the camera at this point. I’m praying to God I did and as I leave, Jared gives me a little pat on the back and when I turn around, he’s still smiling at me. “Thanks so much!” I get a wink. I GET A MOTHERFUCKING JARED PADALECKI WINK I AM SIMULTANEOUSLY LIVING AND DYING. (the next person in line was already next to him while this is all happening, LOL)

I practically skip out of the room but there are no tears. How did I do this??? This man makes me so fucking happy I didn’t even cry??? Jared is my savior. That’s it. 

Part Four: 

Jim Beaver. What an adorable father-like man.

I’m thoroughly convinced he’s drunk when he comes on stage. Jim Beaver danced. Like... heavy footwork, light on his toes danced. He’s holding a coke can and I can pretty much guarantee it wasn’t just soda in that can. 

I don’t remember much of his panel but the first thing he said was, “Hey idjits!” 

A fan asked him to say balls. It was... kind of awesome. 

A young girl came up to the mic to ask a question. He called her on stage and knelt down at her eye level. “Is that all you see???” She laughed. She has the same name as his daughter. They’re spelled the same way. “Are you my kid?? How weird would that be if my kid came all the way here and I didn’t know it. I didn’t buy her a plane ticket, I know that!” She asks her question (which I forget because I suck) and after he answers, he hugs her and sends her back off the stage. 

Part Five: 

J2 main panel. Boys come running down the center aisle through the crowd. Pretty convinced their body guards/handlers hate them lmao.

I’m not going to go through every question like I did for the gold panel. Jared and Jensen are perfect. That’s just about all you need to know. 

Jared’s pretty sure he’s going to get in trouble for jumping. His back has been hurting. “The medicine, it works!” 

It’s a glorious Sunday because “Dallas hasn’t played yet.”

Jared’s pretty sure turning 35 makes everything stop working.

Jim Beaver walks by in the glass bridge. Jared has the crowd yell “come back!” 

Jensen thanks football fans for giving up opening day to be at the convention. Says it’s hard not to be in front of a tv on the first football Sunday. Terrible towels come out.

Jared compares having three kids to “drowning... and then someone throws you three kids.” Jensen originally only wanted one kid, but Danneel wanted three. They compromised on a second pregnancy. ... “You always find a way to get what you want, don’t you, ladies?”

Jensen apologizes for having to leave the J2 photo ops earlier in the day because Danneel had called him multiple times. He thought something was really wrong. When he called back, she asked if he could FaceTime quickly. Arrow was saying “dada.” “Unfortunately, it was our plumber that was there...”

If I had been playing the SPN Con drinking game I would’ve been wasted the entire weekend. Good Lord. 

Jensen’s favorite episode to film was Baby. Jared’s favorites include episodes like Baby, French Mistake, Changing Channels, and Hollywood Babylon. It was the first time they were allowed to make fun of themselves and the industry. After filming Hollywood Babylon, they convinced the crew to give them the bigger trailers since they were already on set. 

Working with kids depends on their parents.

Jared mentions GameBoy. Jensen has a moment like dude you’re so old why are you bringing up GameBoy. It becomes a running joke throughout the panel. 

“Does your face hurt, Jensen?? Because it’s killin’ me!” ... dorks. 

They turn off Sam and Dean when they go back to their real lives. It’s easy for them at this point to flip the switch of the emotional pain Sam and Dean go through because of their friends and especially their family.

Part Six: AUTOGRAPHS AND THE BINDER (!!!!!!)

Guys guys guys I’m freaking out at this point. I know how much trouble I could get in for giving something to Jared. The handlers are going to hate me. According to a friend, “They’ve kicked people out for less.” hashtag fuck.

Something happens with another fan and the woman announcing rows to head back to autos is wrapped up with other things. I waited so much longer than I should have. It was horrendous and put me that much more on edge. 

Finally my row is called. I’m only in the fourth row. Why did it take this long. 

Steve Miller Band is playing from Jared’s phone onto a bluetooth speaker while I’m standing in line. When I get to him, it’s Fly Like An Eagle.

“How’re you, sweetheart?” *dies* He signs my book. “Did you read it?” I nod and say yes, of course. “And...?!” I told him I loved it and I thought it was very brave of him to share as much and as honestly as he did. He smiles and then I bring up the binder. 

Me: “I actually have something to give to you, and I know it could get me in a lot of crap for doing it this way. This is a project I put together. It’s letters from me and a lot of my friends because we just wanted to thank you for what you’ve done and let you know how much you mean to us. I don’t expect you to read them all, there’s a lot of them in there.” J: “I do like to read! *he’s flipping through them, paging to see just how many there are* No way! Damn girl!!!” Me: “It’s just something we did for you.” J: “Thank you. Thank you very much. Please pass on my gratitude to whoever sent you a letter.” Me: “I will, thank you!!!” J: “Thank you.” AND THE FREAKIN’ SMILE OMG. 

I don’t know how I lived. I don’t know how me and my shaky knees made it to Jensen’s autograph line but I did and he is such a sweetheart, my goodness. 

I slipped Jensen my book and he was just so tired omg it’s so sad and adorable. He signed the wrong page of my FDEWB book because sleeeepy. 

He slid it across the table to me and I thanked him for everything. He said “You’re welcome.” And patted the back of my hand and again, *i die*

THUS CONCLUDES MY FIRST EVER CON WEEKEND MY LIFE HAS BEEN MADE AND JARED HAS THE LETTERS AND MY SHIRT /STILL/ SMELLS LIKE HIM.

[bithor]

ANSWER 1-64 BABE

you’re lucky i love you, kait

1. do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

oh, all the time! we’re so trapped in our own minds - we can only be ourselves - that it’s so hard to imagine that everyone experiences the same consciousness, at its most basic level at least, as you

2. on a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

i’d say maybe 1.25

3. the person you would never want to meet?

um donald trump tbh

4. what is your favorite word?

volition (there are so many i love but i Can’t Remember any!!)

5. if you were a type of tree, what would you be?

honestly? pine

6. when you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

why do i look better from a 3/4 profile than head on?

7. what shirt are you wearing?

a maroon and navy flannel

8. what do you label yourself as?

a smoke screen, making everyone think they’re better than they are

9. bright room or dark room?

bright room

10. what were you doing at midnight last night?

lying in bed and thinkin bout nothing

11. favorite age you’ve been so far?

12-13

12. who told you they loved you last?

my mother

13. your worst enemy?

myself

14. what is your current desktop picture?

it’s nice okay

15. do you like someone?

nah

16. the last song you listened to?

probably hurricane by p!atd or the winter soldier from the tws soundtrack

17. you can press a button that will make any one person explode. who would you blow up?

donald trump

18. who would you really like to just punch in the face?

u m literally 75% of our government tbh

19. if anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

honestly my best friend and we’d just chill out for a while

20. what is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

everyone says that i have rly nice eyelashes?

21. if you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

i’d probably look a lil less ‘soft’, but would prob have the same traits

22. do you have a secret talent? if yes, what is it?

i’m a decent writer, depending on who you ask?

23. what is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

the notion of never being known for something, of never being inspiring

24. you can only have one kind of sandwich. every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

a grilled cheese, simply and melty and hot

25. you just found $100! how are you going to spend it?

invest some, buy books w the rest

26. you just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. where are you going to go?

philadelphia!

27. an angel appears out of heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “be brand-specific” it says. man! what are you gonna say about that? even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

a piña colada tbh

28. you discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. you make the rules. what is the first rule you put into place?

you have to contribute to society!

29. what is your favorite expletive?

fuck

30. your house is on fire, holy shit! you have just enough time to run in there and grab one inanimate object. don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. so what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

my phone bc i’m terrible

31. you can erase any horrible experience from your past. what will it be?

may 20, 2016

32. you got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. but check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

london!

33. the celestial gates of beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. death appears. as it turns out, death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. who will you bring back?

my aunt’s mother, who passed away recently - she lost both her parents in the span of a year, and it’s carved something out of her

34. what was your last dream about?

can’t recall

36. have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

yup, twice or thrice

37. have you ever built a snowman?

no

38. what is the color of your socks?

mint green and white fuzzy socks!

39. what type of music do you like?

fall out boy, musicals, stuff with rly dramatic lyrics

40. do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunsets

41. what is your favorite milkshake flavor?

classic vanilla, or anything tropical

42. what football team do you support? 

i should say 49ers bc they’re my home team but uh they kinda such so i don’t have one

43. do you have any scars?

one or two, i think

44. what do you want to be when you graduate?

i really want to go into astrophysics, but law would be cool to; also, i’ve always wanted to be a writer!

45. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

weight

46. are you reliable?

not as much as i’d like to be, but to some extent

47. if you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

are we satisfied?

48. do you hold grudges?

if you hurt me multiple times, then for sure

49. if you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a cat-chamelon!

50. what is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

oh god there’s been so many i don’t even know

51. are you a good liar?

not really but i try (which probably isn’t a good thing)

52. how long could you go without talking?

depends on my mood and the people i’m with

53. what has been you worst haircut/style?

A FUCKING BOYCUT

54. have you ever baked your own cake?

bitch i can’t even boil water

55. can you do any accents other than your own?

a lot of satirical ones, but nothing realistic

56. what do you like on your toast?

orange marmalade or jam n butter!

57. what is the last thing you drew a picture of?

a generic male profile 

58. what would be you dream car?

a tesla bc i’m extra

59. do you sing in the shower? or do anything unusual in the shower? explain.

i sing a lot and contemplate existence

60. do you believe in aliens?

not /aliens/, per se, but something not human (idk it’s weird)

61. do you often read your horoscope?

whenever it pops up, i check it out

62. what is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

Q

63. which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons!!

64. what do you think about babies?

they’re cute for like 10 min (5 if they don’t like me), before they get annoying lmao

if you’ve read this far, kudos to you

[theliterateape]

When Crowdfunding Resembles Opportunism or The Greed in Your Ask is Getting Obvious

By Don Hall

I most recently joined the World of Crowdfunding with my new Patreon Campaign. I’m torn as, in general, I’ve seen far too many of these efforts resemble either a corrupt civil servant trying to raise money for bail or legal fees, someone desperately using it as a replacement for medical insurance or Ian Belknap using GoFundMe to help pay for an office space so he doesn’t have to deal with his kids at home while churning out pedantic screeds on Faceborg. 

Go ahead and Google “crowdfunding abuse” and the list is long and ugly.

When Angela Vela asked me to perform a piece about Greed for her monthly show The Seven Deadly Sins, crowdfunding abuse was my target.

Dear Roger –

I know I haven’t been in touch for a while and I apologize right off the bat for not reaching out to you when you got your new job three years ago or when you got married two years ago or when you and your wife had that baby last year. Obviously, you were in my thoughts but I never took the time to connect after college. My bad, bro.

Remember the time when we both got so drunk that we ended up streaking in the Dillons parking lot? LMAO! I barely do. Thanks for bailing us both out, right?

Anyways, I’m writing to you now because I’m kind of in a bind. I wrote some bad checks about two months ago—I totally thought I had them covered but the places cashed the checks before the date I put on them—I thought you couldn’t do that but apparently you can—and the bank is totally fucking me over. Thank god I’m living with my mom, right?

Seriously, is there any chance I could borrow, like, $450 for a while until I get this all straightened out? I’m good for it, bro.

If it is, here’s my Paypal account or you can just send it directly through Chase Pay.

Thanks.

Yo, Rog!!

Long time, no see, right? How’s the wife and kid? I hope great!

The reason I’m writing is to first, apologize for not getting you that $400 back yet. I know it’s been a couple years but things have been moving really fast around here and I’m thinking you’ll thank me once you see how I spent the money I owe you. If you think of it as an investment into something amazing, I’m sure of it.

I moved out of my mom’s house into her garage (I pay rent so it’s not like charity or anything) and decided that I was going to go into a brand new field. Yes, my degree in Contemporary Greek Philosophy is valuable to me but is not what a sustainable career is made of, right?  So I looked out into the world in search of my calling, right? And it hit me right in the jaw—social media. I spend a huge amount of my time writing funny things on Facebook and Twitter, why not parlay that into a full-time career? So...

I’m in Chicago now, and I’m going to take classes at the famed Second City Training Center. You know, the place that spawned the careers of Bill Murray, Stephen Colbert, that guy from the “Sledgehammer” TV show and the voice of Homer Simpson? I figure that a degree from such an esteemed comedic institution is bound to bolster my street cred with companies looking for clever and sarcastic social media responses so I’m currently enrolled.

Here’s the thing: the $400 I owe you went to pay for some of my first eight weeks but once I get my degree and a job writing the Funny Ha-Ha, I’ll pay you back with interest. OR...

Below is a link to my new Kickstarter Campaign to raise the money to pay for all 15 levels of Second City training. I only need to raise $22,000 for this and after all those levels, I’m pretty much guaranteed a spot on SNL which would be even better than writing for Facebook. LOL! Winky emoji.

Any amount is acceptable and you know I’m good for it. A donation of $500 will get you an autographed photo and front row seats at a live taping of SNL!

Thanks!

Dear Roger –

After Second City level 7 and my continued work at Boston Market, I wanted to die every single day of my life and it took me several years to realize it was because of the environment I was in. So, I picked the next best place: San Francisco, which is close to my dad, since we’ve never gotten to have much of a relationship and I like the weather up here. I found a job (I was hired the same day as my interview, in fact) and I put a bunch of debt on a shiny new credit card to afford the move.

I got the job thinking I was all set to write those funny quips on the company’s social media (I mean, I did have seven levels at the world famous Second City, right?) but I was told I’d have to work in support for an entire year before I would be able to move to a different department. A whole year answering calls and talking to customers just for the hope that someday I’d be able to make memes and Twitter jokes. But that’s neither here nor there. Let’s get back to the situation at hand, shall we?

So here I am, 27-years-old, balancing all sorts of debt and trying to pave a life for myself that doesn’t involve crying in the bathtub every week. Every single one of my coworkers is struggling. They’re taking side jobs, they’re living at home. One of them started a GoFundMe because she couldn’t pay her rent. She ended up leaving the company and moving east, somewhere the minimum wage could double as a living wage. Another wrote on those neat whiteboards we’ve got on every floor begging for help because he was bound to be homeless in two weeks. Fortunately, someone helped him out. At least, I think they did. I actually haven’t seen him in the past few months. Do you think he’s okay? Another guy who got hired, and ultimately let go, was undoubtedly homeless. He brought a big bag with him and stocked up on all those snacks they make sure are on every floor. 

I haven’t bought groceries since I started this job. Not because I’m lazy, but because I got this ten pound bag of rice before I moved here and my meals at home (including the one I’m having as I write this) consist, by and large, of that. Because I can’t afford to buy groceries.

Will you pay my phone bill for me? I just got a text from T-Mobile telling me my bill is due. 

Look, I’ll make you a deal. You don’t have to pay my phone bill. I’ll just disconnect my phone. And I’ll disconnect my home internet, too, even though it’s the only way I can do work for my freelance gig that I haven’t been able to do since I moved here because I’m constantly too stressed to focus on anything but going to sleep as soon as I’m not at work. 

If you could help me out, my PayPal is paypal.me/jimmyzee, my Venmo is jimmyzee (no hyphen). Square Cash is cash.me/$JimZee.

Thanks, bro.

Rogerio!!

You've been so generous in the past and I'm trying to raise money to get a plane ticket and funds for the final auditions for the 2016 season of American Idol.

I went to Disney World a few years ago and did the American Idol experience attraction at MGM. I auditioned and got on the show. They do 5 shows per day where an audience picks the winner of 3 performers. At the end of the day, they have a big show where the 5 winners compete for a Dream Ticket. 

The Dream Ticket is a pass to get to the front of the American Idol Audition Line. I performed and won the small show during the day, then won the final show at the end of the day, getting me the Dream Ticket. They don't expire and you can use them at any auditions. I thought I had lost it, but in a stroke of luck (and possibly fate), I just found it in my files at home.

This could be my last chance to do it and I can't live my life wondering,"What if?" I have this amazing opportunity and hoprfully, with your help, I can live my dream and live life to the very fullest!

Thank you for the chance!!

Hey Everyone!

As many of you know, I am a HUGE fan of ULTRA Music Festival in MIAMI. This will be my 14th year attending and marks my 2nd year moderating the Facebook group. I admittedly have put in TOO MANY hours running the group, making sure it is free from spam and trolls. It has been a lot of fun but it has also stolen a ton of my time. I am hoping that some of the friendships I've made will inspire people to be generous and help me make this trip possible.

Normally March is an abundant month for me but this year I am financially "running on fumes." I have spent the last 2.5 months recovering from a broken ankle, which has kept me from working. In this time I have used up all my reserve cash and now with my trip to Florida right around the corner my credit card bills are looming. I will use this money to pay for the flight, ticket, lodging and food for during the trip. It would be the best birthday present if I got a great response.

I will be eternally grateful to everyone who helps out and would LOVE to meet up with you and take some photos at the festival. Thank you so much for your support. <3

–Jimmy Zee

Roger –

I know why you haven’t returned any of my recent texts or direct messages. You don’t believe that I’m actually sick and I guess I don’t blame you. I can assure you, the cancer is real and I don’t have anyone else to turn to. I need $4,500 to help fund a trip to St. John where there is a shaman there who they say can pray the cancer out of me. Outside shot but I’m also told that when your prognosis is this bad, you gotta bucket list that shit, right?

I know I have no right to even ask but, in case you find it in your heart to help an old (31 years is now OLD!) college buddy out, my GoFundMe profile is linked below.

Jim