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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 1 year ago

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Ohhh heheheeeeeHEHEEHHEEEEE giggles and rubs my hands together evilly. so we’ve had cult leader!geto and you who’s mad at him… and we’ve also had you who’s slowly accepting loving him…. But what about cult leader!geto and reader that’s just. Moved on. Accepted it when he left because of the understanding that it’s just the way life goes. Doesn’t mean to say that you didn’t miss him, that you still don’t, it just means that you understand that there’s no point being angry about things you can’t change, so you let it go. Obviously, it’s sugu. There’s no replacing him. But you don’t try to replace him, you just carry on with life. You find other people who are special to you and you don’t try to fill the hole he left in your heart, you accept it, heal it, and work around it. He sees you again years later and he excepts you to be angry at him — wishes that you’d be angry at him — but you’re not, you just smile at him. There’s no anger in your eyes, no bared teeth or quips of bitterness, just a soft kind of understanding that you can forgive him and carry on with your life without allowing him back in. IM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE PLEASE…. It’s not quite you forgiving him and loving him, moreso just understanding and accepting that he was someone very special, but just not accepting him into your life again. He can’t exactly tame you because you’re not angry. There’s no storm to wait out, there’s no rage for him to soothe. Nonchalance and acceptance I think is the best way to combat him methinks… :333 OMGGG think of that beabadoobee song “the way things go” ohhhhh..

“Passed your house when I was on the train, in my mind you’ll always stay the same.” “And there’s so much left to say, I guess I’m just the bigger guy.” “A distant memory I used to know, oh I guess that’s just the way things go.” SCREAMS!!!! AUGGHHH IM SORRY THIS IS WAY TOO LONG BUT. AUGHH I could scream ab sugu forever…. <333 — stsg anon !!

STSG ANON i need you to know that this broke me. gutted me. i feel numb inside THIS IS SUCH A TASTY SCENARIO I’M SCREAMING

okay so. just putting this out there; i think this would break him. lmao. this is the cruelest thing you could do to him because it’ll hurt him like nothing else. and he deserves it!! this is the best possible scenario for you, but the worst for him. and that’s just….. soooo bittersweet.

He sees you again years later and he excepts you to be angry at him — wishes that you’d be angry at him — but you’re not, you just smile at him. There’s no anger in your eyes, no bared teeth or quips of bitterness, just a soft kind of understanding that you can forgive him and carry on with your life without allowing him back in.

goshhhh stsg anon…………. the way you wrote this…………. :(((( i’m in awe of you always. this made me so so emotional i’m just ……… hhhhhhh…… my heart is crumbling a tiny bit but i’m gonna try to be coherent…… T_T

i think geto would be happy for you. i think that despite his own feelings, he’d ultimately make the painful choice to respect your wishes and stay out of your life. it hurts him but there’s also this sense of inevitability — this is the natural consequence of his actions. he was a fool for expecting anything else, hoping for anything else. but a part of him always wished that you could be together again; and i think that wish hurts him more than anything.

geto really is just a lonely guy at the end of the day, and the thing about his ideal world is that it doesn’t even just boil down to a world without non-sorcerers — to geto, it boils down to a world where i don’t have to see my loved ones suffer. that’s what he wants more than anything!! and i think that even though he knows it’s unrealistic, even impossible, a part of him was always hoping that you’d wait for him to create that world for you. that you could one day go back to the way things were.

so meeting you again, and being forced to accept that it just won’t happen… that he’s just a person of your past and nothing else…. yeahhhh. it breaks him a little. then again, he always wished for your forgiveness; at least he has that. at least he knows you don’t hate him. there’s a kind of comfort in that, even though he probably would’ve preferred feelings of hatred to no feelings at all. :(

no but this is genuinely heartbreaking from geto’s pov and it’s even worse because you’re just doing what’s best for you!!! there’s no anger, no hard feelings, and it irks him because there’s nothing he can do!! you’re so right stsg anon!!! there’s no storm to wait out, there’s no rage for him to soothe….. there’s nothing he can do to change your mind. it just is what it is.

i also think this forces him into unveiling himself. this is just my own take but my interpretation of cult leader!geto is that he’s pretending to be something he’s not like . 80% of the time…. i think he copes by creating all these new personas, silly and overbearing and cruel, when deep down he’s still just sad and a little bit lost. a little lonely. it’s very telling that he felt the need to create a new family, because that’s just the kind of guy he is — he needs to have people around him to protect and cherish. very similar to gojo (stsg soulmatism strikes again)…. when he meets gojo in jjk 0 he feigns nonchalance, but later, when he’s watching the sunset and thinking about their history, he just looks sad. resigned. there’s a softness he’s trying to hide, but it never quite leaves him.

and i think that with you being so open, so sincere, he really wouldn’t have any choice but to meet that with a sincerity of his own. i can see him giving you one last sad smile, and honestly telling you that he’s happy for you. that he wishes you nothing but the best. and he truly means it. he wants you to be happy more than anything; it’s fine if he can’t be there to see it.

it’s a shame, but he’ll learn to live with it — for you.

so anyway this made me cry AND THEN YOU TOP IT OFF WITH BEABADOBEE????????? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME????????? THAT SONGGGGG STOP STOP PLEASE I CANT TAKE IT 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 it’s so geto i’m abt to throw up blood

can’t remember how to say your name // let alone count all the freckles on your face // a distant memory i used to know // oh, i guess that's just the way things go // oh, i guess that's just the way things go

can’t remember when you said you called // miles away, and it was still my fault // the love you said you had, it sometime showed // oh, i guess that's just the way things go // oh, i guess that's just the way things go

passed your house when i was on a train // in my mind, you'll always stay the same // i’m happy now, i ought to let you know // but i guess that's just the way things go // oh, i guess that's just the way things go // and i don’t mind that that's the way things go.

:(((((( stsg anon i’m not even joking this made me tear up …… he’s just so lonely. you’ll always be you, and he’ll always be suguru. i don’t think he could ever stop being fond of you, even if you were to forget him one day. in my mind, you’ll always stay the same………….. sniffle. he’ll always, always remember you.

#if u listen closely u will hear the sound of me sobbing . pls ignore this #STSG ANON WHEN I CATCH UUUUUUUUUU #ALSO pls plspls never worry about ur asks being too long THEYRE NEVER TOO LONG!! i love reading them sm!!!!!#feel free to drop a whole fic in here ill eat it up happily #TYSM FOR UR THOUGHTS <333333 every time i get an ask from u it’s like opening my fridge and finding a fresh treat :33 ily!!!#no but pairing this w a beabadoobee song is genuinely so evil i cried real tears he’s sooo beabadobee coded … so mitski coded …..#wahhhhhh i miss him :((((((( i wanna give him a big hug.#ask tag ✩#stsg anon !! ✩

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phinjeet · 13 days ago

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* i miss lou uglydollz so bad itz terrible 4 me rn …..

#phinz wordz #i hav so many issuez w this damb movie #there r 2 MANY UGLYDOLLZ 4 starterz like i mean the main characterz which meanz none of them r particularly memorable #lucky bat iz like . a shy fortune teller wage iz a sassy baker babo iz .???? nice ????? ugly dog iz ugly dog and moxy iz Optimistic #meanwhile lou being the 1 main villain haz sm more personality crammed in2 a single character cuz hez not spread across FIVE OF THEM #and hell he even haz the spy girlz who hav a lot more personality shine through 2 despite being prettydollz who r suppozed 2 b perfect #and fall in line while the uglydollz r suppozed 2 b interesting and unique yet itz actually the EXACT OPPOSITE !!!!!!#the way that real human beingz wrote the linez ‘i was never allowed 2 go 2 the big world but YOU could . how could some1 as ugly as you be #accepted and loved while some1 as perfect as i never could and never will’ and ‘lets see how you feel when youre trapped here forever just #like me’ and ‘YOU a REJECT were gonna LEAVE ME just like the others’#and then still ended louz story on ‘so anyway hes an undeniably irredeemable piece of shit and we’re going 2 drive this home by having the #crowd of Good Guys shouting abt how he needs 2 b killed yaayyy’#itz so JARRING w the way the uglydollz fight 4 acceptance and equality while also leaving lou in the dust AND HE WAZ A PIECE OF SHIT THEREZ #NO DENYING THAT !!!!!! HE WAZ AWFUL !!!!!!!! but the movie also SO clearly set up Reazonz 4 why he turned out that way #the ‘accepting ppls differencez’ messaging iz also extremely shaky when the examplez of ‘Imperfectionz’ r . uuhh .#a doll who wearz glassez . a doll who haz heterochromia . like omg guyz #that bit where some1 holdz on2 the thing on moxyz head n then theyre like ‘boy am i glad u got that thing on ur head whatever it is’ rubbed #me the wrong way 2 cuz itz like o yea being different is fine ! as long as u r Useful :) YKWIM ?#honestly a lot of the issuez coulda been fixed if they made this a show instead of a movie …… honestlyyyy #more screentime 4 fleshing out each individual uglydoll #more time 2 giv lou a redemption arc #do ANYTHING w nolan that iznt just uzing him 4 plot conveniencez ???????#SPY GIRLZ CONTENT IDEC WHAT IT IZ #i feel like they were done dirty the Least cuz theyre so iconic and memorable 2 me but still . giv them 2 Meeeee #and when it comez 2 the prettydollz in general aside from lou + hiz lackiez + nolan we dont actually know much abt them either #SO MANY THINGZ . THAT COULDVE BEEN MORE FLESHED OUT . SM WEIRD SHAKY WORLDBUILDING SM SURFACE-LEVEL STUFF #I LOV THIS MOVIE BTW I ADORE IT THATZ WHY I WISH IT WAZ BETTERRRRR #and maybe a lotta this stuff COULDVE been fleshed out if the movie actually performed well and got a sequel or show afterwardz #but alas . it flopped

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lucanthropyy · 7 months ago

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I’m still not sure if I should post stuff like this here but I might as well

I do not draw nsfw but I do like drawing anatomy/body details. If that makes you uncomfortable then please click off my page.

Song for this drawing:

Interactions are very much appreciated !! Reposts are not! <3

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idkthemusic · 2 years ago

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i read the lockwood&co books and they are so incredible oh my god

#holly is a lesbian and i am so happy #gay people are real #I ADORE QUILL KIPPS #kipps is so lovely wowee #also skully.#skully has grown on me like a tumor #i love him #i love them sm #lucy carlyle is my beloved #also i orginally hated george cubbins #i adore him now he is an icon #george my beloved #yayayaya i love these books so much dude #theyre so well written AAAAAA #we need this #we need season 2 #renew lockwood and co #for my sanity #please

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arolesbianism · 9 months ago

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I should rly get around to designing the Jackies and Olivias from my swap aus now that I have ideas for how to differentiate them for their non swapped counterparts, but at the same time the eternal dread of having to commit to either keeping or changing the gravitas uniform for the swap aus hangs over me with ever increasing pressure, so maybe I can just only draw headshots of them and commit to that til the end of time instead

#rat rambles #oni posting #but actually I probably will keep the uniforms because I like them and theyre fun to draw #plus I dont think making olivia director inherently means that the uniform would change so I can get away with it #olivia and jackie would have probably come up with that together anyways simular to the rest of gravitas branding #theyve probably had all of that decided on since their college days lol #but yeah Ive been thinking abt the swap aus more since it's fun to put olivia into a more antagonistic role #even if the levels of antagonistic varry heavily and in most of the universes jackie is also an antagonist even as the primary pov #a lot of these in universe would be mostly jackie pov rambling about some bullshit that doesnt matter while the real meat in the other logs #all imply some gnarly shit abt olivia and how shes faring as director #shes typically not as bad as her non swapped jackies but she rly pushes it in the swapped rat universe #and by that I kind of just mean she is simply just worse but she at least almost handled the divorce better than canon jackie #I say almost because she did proceed to kidnap the woman after she admittedly broke into gravitas facilities after being fired but still #generally speaking kidnapping and semi murdering your ex for science is t a cool move no matter how justified you feel #the other two olivias are a lot less openly corrupt with rabbit au olivia being mostly just more mean and raccoon au olivia just having a #smidge of a god complex that she generally never acted on to be shitty #also one of those olivias was in a toxic codependent relationship with her unstable wife and the other was also in an toxic codependent #relationship with her wife but her wife proceeded to murder her about it #the jackies are all pretty shitty tho even if in mostly different ways #we have petty incel jackie we have emotionally manipulative jackie and we have the reason raccoon au olivia has a mild god complex jackie #and then we're forced to sit and watch as each jackie reads through their shitty actions as memoryless pods acting like theyd never do that #only to remember and sit in horror at the fact that at the end of the day their actions had little concequence to the greater universe and #that the only thing they achieved in life was hurting the woman they loved most and dying in a way that ultimately meant nothing #which is another reason Ive been thinking abt these aus sm as I love narratively kicking the shit out of jackie its fun #its a sign of my deepest love <3 #Im so much nicer to main au jackie which is saying smth since one of them gets literally murdered #albeit swap rat au jackie also gets sorta murdered so raccoon au jackie rly isn't special in that regard #at least she wasnt held hostage before hand it was a spur of the moment event #anyways I need to shower before it gets too late Im trying to maintain a msidgen of a sleep schedule

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lewisvinga · 10 months ago

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me n my dumbasses | charles leclerc x fem! driver! reader x pierre gasly

summary; just f1’s fave ‘childhood besties to lovers’ throuple being iconic

fc; various girls on pinterest

warnings; cursing i think

taglist; @namgification @louvrepool @locelscs @thehufflepuffavenger1 @minseok-smaus @goldenmclaren @ollieshifts @lavisenri @graciewrote @xoscar03

note; requested !

masterlist !

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, and others !

yourusername: average day w the most stupid people in all of france ( and monaco ) (( i unfortunately have dealt with them my whole life and i also unfortunately love them ))

tagged; pierregasly, charles_leclerc

charles_leclerc: but pierre was first in ur last photo dump ☹️

pierregasly: mate you almost killed us …😀

charles_leclerc: NOT MY FAULT YOU’RE BOTH GOOD LOOKING?? also did you just mate zone me?

yourusername: think abt ur actions of almost killing ur bf and gf , charles leclerc.

charles_leclerc: yes ma’am🫡

username: CHAPIEY/N DUMPPP

username: leave it up to y/n to post the most bf pics of them 😫

username: i’d kill to have dealt w them my whole life miss y/n UR LUCKYY😖

username: charles is so real for almost crashing his ferrari bc y/n and pierre looked toooo good 😭

yourusername: yeah well now he’s in the timeout corner ://

charles_leclerc: this is NOT fun

pierregasly: #deserved

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

yourusername uploaded to their story !

[caption 1; #inspectingpierresform🤓] [caption 2; complaining that i’m taking pics instead of working out 🙄🙄 #tattletale] [caption 3; wauw hot boys]

landonorris gross

landonorris dumbasses

yourusername hey 😾

yourusername they’re MY dumbasses ��

pierregasly “pleaseee can i work out with you guys 🥺🥺”

yourusername i didn’t want to break a nail🙁🙁

pierregasly you’re so high maintenance

yourusername u have known me since 2011 WHY are u shocked

yourusername u both made me like this btw

pierregasly and we don’t regret it a bit, cherie 😁

charles_leclerc i see u liked our selfie from when u went to the bathroom to put makeup on before filming tiktoks😁

yourusername wanted to look cute for the camera and for my dumbasses can u blame a girl😖

charles_leclerc DUMBASSES?? i’m smart , pierre maybe but not me !

yourusername oh babe

yourusername u both are ! but it’s ok i love u both💓

charles_leclerc yeah yeah we love u too

username LMAOOOO THEYRE SO😭

username pierre’s ‘mom i threw up’ stance 💀

username never stop these queen

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liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc, and others !

yourusername: just me n my dumbasses against the world ❤️‍🩹

tagged; charles_leclerc, pierregasly

charles_leclerc: love u too dumbass xx

yourusername: u see i get why I called u a dumbass but why are u calling me a dumbass? do u hate me??☹️☹️

charles_leclerc: cherie no wait pls

pierregasly: im surprised you still fall for her lame sarcasm even if we’ve been dealing w her since 2011🙄

yourusername: hey RUDE ur the ones who wanted ME first 😾😾

yourusername: sorry for worrying u pooks love u xx charles_leclerc

pierregasly: love u dumbass 😪😪

yourusername: ur more of a dumbass than me

carlossainz55: can we confirm that charles is the biggest one out of you three ??

pierregasly: oh 100%😂

charles_leclerc: THATS NOT EVEN FAIR??😀

georgerussell63: idk man, i’ve received 394829 messages from y/n about being scared you’re going to burn the house down from making toast…😬😬

username: i love how they never had a honey moon phase it’s just straight bullying w a side of love 😭😭😭

username: childhood besties to lover core fr

username: THEHRE NEVER SERIOUS IM IN TEARSSSSSS

username: the pure unseriousness from chapiey/n is why i adore them sm😭😂

username: reason 92893 i adore them;

username: when the trio suddenly becomes romantic

username: u guys ever think y/n’s like ‘kissing my homies’ 🤔🤔

charles_leclerc: yes actually …..

yourusername: me n my homies doing romantic stuffs 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

username: just clocked in y/n dealt w their awkward phases

yourusername: ‘twas hell

pierregasly: like teenage u was any better 🙄

username: ‘my dumbasses’ i love them😖

#formula one x reader #f1 x reader #f1 smau #f1 scenario #formula one scenarios #f1 imagine #formula one imagines #formula one imagine #f1 scenarios #charles leclerc smau #charles leclerc scenarios #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #pierre gasly smau #pierre gasly social media au #pierre gasly scenarios #pierre gasly x reader #pierre gasly imagine #charles leclerc x reader x pierre gasly

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f1daydreamers · 9 months ago

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𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐞𝐬 [𝐓𝐀𝟔𝟔] 𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐔

gif credits: @trenty

Pairing: Trent Alexander Arnold x Fem!Reader

Summary: You’re a tease, asking for things you supposedly already have. Trent catches on... eventually.

A/N: This is my first social media AU so bear with me if it absolutely sucks, also my first time writing for Trent so a bunch of firsts going on today. Enjoy!

Warnings: not much, just a lot of fluff and shite captions lol

...

yourusername | 📍Venice, Italy

tagged venice.explore and calvinklein

liked by yourbsf, calvinklein, and 17,786 others

yourusername can I call you later?

view all 2671 comments

user1 pretty ladyyyyyyy

calvinklein summer collection has never looked better 😍

— yourusername have never loved a black dress more

yourbsf photo creds and the second glass are all me.. right?

— yourusername ofc 😇

user2 omg i need to go to venice asap

user3 i thought you were in la this week for a photoshoot with hudabeauty??

— yourusername next week!! super excited omg 🩷

…

trentarnold66

liked by liverpoolfc, andyrobertson94, and 946,716 others

trentarnold66 Recharging 🔋

view all 76,936 comments

andyrobertson94 Right, there’s no need to flex the arms 😒

— trentarnold66 I was just bending them? 🙃

liverpoolfc Back at camp soon ❤️

— trentarnold66 💪

user6 BYE TRENT FINALLY POSTED HOLIDAY PICS SO I CAN SLEEP NOW

user7 can you choke me with those arms thanks bae

— user8 so real 🤣

judebellingham No invite lad? I see how it is 🫤

— liked by trentarnold66

…

yourusername

tagged hudabeauty, hudabeautyshop, and kayali

liked by hudabeauty, trentarnold66, and 30,651 others

yourusername Coming to you… July 👀

view all 9862 comments

yourbsf A DREAM IM SO PROUD OF YOU BABE

— yourusername i love you 🥹

user4 aaahhhhhhh this has been such a long time coming!!! remember ur youtube videos when u used to review their products?

— liked by trentarnold66

hudabeauty A literal real-life doll 😘

— yourusername says the literal makeup magician ❤️

user5 TRENT LIKED????

— user9 who’s that?

— user5 ONLY THE BEST RB IN THE WORLD WHAT

…

trentarnold66

liked by liverpoolfc, yourusername, and 976,816 others

trentarnold66 Singapore 🇸🇬 Feels real good to be back.

view all 126,625 comments

liverpoolfc What’s up, Vice Captain? 💪

— trentarnold66 🫡

user10 liverpool’s very own ❤️

yourusername damn.

— liked by trentarnold66

virgilvandijk Let’s get it!

user5 OMGGG THEYRE DEFO DATINGGG WAIT

user12 don’t know who yourusername is but she’s verified and trent liked her most recent post now she’s commented on his???? i smell a new couple 👀

…

yourusername | 📍 Liverpool

tagged liverpoolfc

liked by trentarnold66, harvelliott, and 29,872 others

yourusername bleeding red today, bleeding red everyday

view all 11,463 comments

user12 she does know trent’s mural is literally opposite hendo’s right? 🧐

— liked by yourusername

— user12 OMG SHE LIKED MY COMMENTTTT

harvelliott love it 🌹

— user5 DUDE WHO IS THIS GIRL DATING OMFHDJSJSE

trentarnold66 Hmm

— harvelliott 😂

yourbsf fit went hard.

— yourusername not everyone’s agreeing w u 😒

— yourbsf you mean….

— yourusername shh

…

trentarnold66

liked by judebellingham, liverpoolfc, and 817,625 others

trentarnold66 Skipper today but winning in front of you is the best part ❤️🏟️

view all 262,527 comments

user5 IS HE TALKING ABOUT YOURUSERNAME

— user13 bro you lot reach sm wtff he’s obviously talking about the fans lmao they played at home today

judebellingham serious player

— liked by trentarnold66

yourusername should I say congrats?

— trentarnold66 Only if you’ve changed shirts

— yourusername so take off yours then

— liked by trentarnold66

…

yourusername

liked by yourbsf, trentarnold66, and 96,726 others

yourusername my mom approves

view all 70,637 comments

user5 I CALLED IT FROM THE START YESSSSHDHDHSHSHHS YALL ARE SO CUTE

yourbsf ok trying to convince ppl that i’m the other one in ur pics is getting harder and harder to do

— yourusername 😂😂

trentarnold66 Shirt’s all yours

— yourusername took you long enough

— trentarnold66 I got there in the end 🙂

yoursister does that mean I get to keep Harvey's shirt now?

— yourusername i bet you've already taken it anyway

— yoursister if I speak I’m in big trouble

…

trentarnold66

tagged yourusername

liked by yourusername, andyrobertson94, and 1.2 million others

trentarnold66 Dear Darling ❤️

andyrobertson94 Congrats Brother 🫂

— liked by trentarnold66

yourusername should’ve posted the pic where you were preeing my old yt vids

— trentarnold66 I don’t recall that 🤨

— yourusername little liar

— trentarnold66 Little? Who’s the liar now?

— user12 YALL ARE SOOOOOOOO

user5 I WANT MY FINDERS FEE 👩‍⚖️

harvelliott Beautiful 🤩

…

Masterlist

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wyngigi · 3 months ago

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everyone try not act freaky challenge failed 😕😕

ꕀ LUST FOR LIFE ꕀ 01

↳ sex money feelings die remastered .ᐟ cross posted on ao3

navigation┆prologue┆next prologue is significant to plot pls read <3

“ they say only the good die young, that just ain't right 'cause we're having too much fun, too much fun tonight ”

↳ synopsis: a group of individuals find that their first taste of freedom in the world brings more obstacles than expected. some of them, find solace by drowning in liquor or in the backseat of somebody else’s car. a lot of them have got to get their shit together. a lot of them won't.

mdni » story contains nsfw content intended for 18+ audiences pairings » member specific, not listed for spoiler purposes ↳󠁪󠁪 ateez x female reader, ateez x ateez ↳ genre » coming of age ↳ word count » 2.7k ↳ general warnings » substance abuse & consumption, sexual content, morally grey characters, unreliable narrators, internalised homophobia, angst, basically every struggle young adolescence can go through

01⌇even if just for a little bit

Nobody plans to get addicted to something, obviously. But even once they do realise it, or if they ever do, it’s usually too late. Every step taken to addiction kills someone slowly, whether it be the heart, the liver or the lungs. Nonetheless, the user will undoubtedly repeat their actions. Death does not scare them; death is a promise. Life instead, is worse. It's unpredictable. Life feels unfriendly and cold. It laughs in their face every time they take a fall.

So, in return they’ll chase something to soothe their aches. Whatever gives them the best high, makes them feel like they own the world, that every problem has ceased to exist, and that everything’s gonna be fine. Even if just for a little bit. One more sip, one more drag, another needle dug into their arm doesn’t feel as terrible when they know after their sins, death will open its arms, and they are free to run into the warm embrace.

The first few minutes after Hongjoong wakes up he refuses to open his eyes, not a muscle in his body moves. Every single limb throbs in a dull ache. His throat is dry, and he fights to keep whatever concoction he indulged in last night down. The sun glares over him. He shuts his eyes tighter and mentally notes to close his blinds as soon as he gets up. His cheap mattress feels like concrete underneath the front of his body and he assumes his pillow has been discarded to his bedroom floor. He flings his arm out to his side to reach for his phone. He does not find it, and worse, his nightstand feels far too familiar to a concrete pavement. So does his mattress.

The distant sound of cars driving down the street allows him to confirm (not that it was needed) that he is not, in fact, in his shitty one-bedroom apartment. He cranks his neck upwards, the left side of his face now disconnected from the scratchy floor. Hongjoong takes a long inhale and the stench of something god-awful invades his senses. His mouth coats itself with saliva and he loses the battle he was otherwise winning earlier.

Like the millions of times before, he plants himself on his knees, one arm wraps around his torso and the other holds himself up as much as he can. The thought of calling his parents and asking them for help crosses his mind before he can fully squash the idea away. Hongjoong scoffs at himself, there were two things other people knew about him.

First, that he was stubborn. The type of guy who’d scale a building before letting someone else get their way. And second, that his pride would be the death of him. With just how bad his head was pounding; law school had suddenly not seemed like such a terrible idea. His parents owned some major conglomerates that could’ve paid for his entry into the big-league colleges but no, he just had to decide art school was his true calling.

It would’ve been easier, he supposes. He knows. Learn business, economics or whatever and then join one of his parent’s companies. A high-paying career and future was laid out for him, yet he went the other direction much to his parent’s dismay. His mom swears that paint fumes must’ve gotten to his head, sometimes Hongjoong agrees. It is a possible conclusion.

They don’t contact him, ever. One year into art school still wasn’t enough time for them to get used to their son’s “juvenile dreams” but they do send him some money to help him get by every month. He knows they’re trying to bribe him back, into law school and shit but they don’t need to know that’s not happening. Who gives a shit, Hongjoong’s just grateful he isn’t completely estranged yet.

Fatigue racks through his body as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He allows his body to rest against the bricked wall of the alley. Fatigued by the events of the previous night, he makes no move to head back to his very humble abode just yet. Hongjoong runs a finger over his lips, they’re chapped and no doubt starting to peel. He shudders as the metallic taste of blood seeps out of the cracks when he frowns. His eyelids feel heavy, so he shuts them again.

Moving out of his old place and leaving his roommate was coming in handy. Even if it meant his new apartment was too expensive, having to stumble into the old shared one with last night’s clothes on got far too humiliating for him. Specifically, when his roommate had their friend group over all the time. He’d have to give them all a curt wave before hastily going back to his room. He didn’t know any of them, so it didn’t seem necessary for more. Hongjoong had nothing against them, especially not the pretty one who always stared at him through sharp hooded eyes.

Before heading back to his apartment, Hongjoong stops at a convenience store.

When Yunho would wake up after a one-night stand that he didn’t bring back to his own place, he followed the routine many people universally did. He collected his clothes, got dressed, made his way out of the bedroom as soon as possible. Then he headed back to his dorm. The walk of shame was never humbling, not until now.

His roommate, another victim to last night’s campus rager is sitting on the carpeted floor, back resting against his bed. He massages his temples disgruntledly before reaching for the water bottle on his nightstand. Alerted by the doorknob twisting, Yeosang meets Yunho’s eyes and raises his eyebrows. “Had fun last night?” Yeosang has got a toothless grin on his face as he watches the latter chuck his belongings onto his own nightstand and faceplant onto his covers.

Yunho doesn’t reply with words, half because what he says is muffled and also because he really doesn’t want to reply at all. Yunho slept with someone while he was drunk last night. That wasn’t the problem though. That he was drunk. Or that he had sex. Yunho has hooked up with many people. He understands that the twenty first century is far more advanced and open, that is also not a problem. He’s also not bad at sex, his previous encounters have always been enjoyable for both parties. As well as the occasional third parties.

What happened last night was a first, and he should hope it’s also the last. Yunho doesn’t though.

The lack of proper reply had Yeosang confused, Yunho wasn’t exactly the kiss and tell type but even with some shitty hangover he had a more boastful demeanour upon returning from whatever hook up he had. Yeosang rolls his eyes, shuffling over to the other’s nightstand to pull out a lighter and a plastic bag of pre-rolls.

Weed makes Yunho chatty, and Yeosang wants to know the truth. He nudges the taller boy to move, and Yunho makes the half-hearted effort of rolling onto his side instead. Yunho lights the joint, inhaling before chucking the lighter back into the open drawer. He hands the other the stick, watching as Yeosang’s pretty lips wrap around the joint.

The boy looks up at him as smoke escapes his mouth in small swirls. Has his roommate always had such fuck me eyes? Why is he sitting like that infront of Yunho? Christ, this weed is strong. Why does his face feel so flushed all of a sudden? The boy speaking draws him out of his trance. “So how bad was your hookup? Don’t tell me she was some ugly chick when she rolled over,” Yunho chews on his bottom lip, playing with the fabric of his covers. His words are hard to focus on, his roommate has such a nice voice. He gulps, his heartbeat speeding up. “No, that’s not it."

“Then what is it? I’d be happier if I were you,” Yeosang muses as he turns to face the other completely, head tilting to the side. Yunho wishes the boy would stop licking his lips like that, cotton mouth be damned. Yunho feels everything around him blur; eyes focused on the boy’s exposed neck. Yeosang’s hand stretches around the plastic water bottle, Yunho’s jaw clenching tighter as a stray drop of water falls from the side of Yeosang’s mouth. He clears his throat before he opens his mouth to respond. Through a weed-induced haze, Yunho accidentally slurs out, “it wasn’t a she.”

Yeosang indulges in every party he hears about, doesn’t matter what’s happening the next morning. That’s the thrill of it, to see just how fucked up he can get and how quickly he’ll recover. He also loves hook-ups, he’s not against dating but he doesn’t think he could be a great boyfriend to anyone right now. Call it emotional unavailability if you wish, he’s just trying to live his college life to the fullest. So, a casual hookup seems like the obvious solution to him, he’s not some prick who wants to lead anyone on, but you know, he still has needs.

Yeosang chucks his head back as he downs a cup handed to him by his friend, swaying too slowly for how upbeat the song is. It doesn’t matter, he’s in his own world as he watches the people around him make out. He’s not judging them though, just looking for someone to do it with too. He’s also not desperate for a fuck, pickier instead.

He has rules for who he sleeps with, it’s not a free for all with Yeosang. They can’t be from his close friend circle, not that there’s many people included in that list to begin with. It gets too messy sometimes, just doesn’t want the vibe to change if one night he’s fucking the shit out of someone he’s gonna go take to lunch the day after, platonically. His next rule is no co-workers. He breaks that rule far too much. Yeosang is more lenient with this one, depending on how pretty the person is.

The rule was established his first year of college. Freshly employed at a cute little ice cream parlour. Yeosang and the guy he worked with had been locked in the freezer room thanks to the faulty handle. They were on break after serving sundaes to a pair who looked like they were on a first date, flirting as they moved empty metal tins and stacked them on the shelves. When the large door wouldn’t budge, they texted their boss and all they had left to do was wait till he arrived.

Long story short, Yeosang learnt just how many ways ice cream could be eaten. Fun times. Well, it was, till his co-worker and him got carried away and Yeosang got fired for the first time. He still sees his ex-co-worker around campus time to time, they aren’t the closest, but they share a friendly smile before making their own way in a different direction.

Not all his hookups are the same though, some will just walk by him without a glance, and he would do the same. Yeosang doesn’t harbour romantic feelings for anyone he’s shared a bed (or other various surfaces) with. He makes sure of that with another one of his rules to never sleep with the same person twice, so when a familiar face with blonde hair approaches him he greets them before making his way to another area. He’s not gonna be rude to people he’s hooked up with, but he knows to at least enforce that it was a one-time thing before they try get too pushy.

Eventually when he settles down, he wants it to be someone he actually knows beyond just being naked with. His last rule is to not hookup with anyone he lives with. Far too domestic. (He certainly didn’t make this rule upon meeting Yunho for the first time.)

Point is, Yeosang loves living life till a certain extent. He doesn’t enjoy the messy situationships and will do his best to avoid them at all costs. His dick unfortunately betrays him on several occasions.

Standing in the walk-in freezer of the café he works for, knocking back too many pills wasn’t something Seonghwa predicted for his future after graduating high school. Sure, he knew he’d probably end up drinking a little too much in college (which he did last night) but shit, pills? Even that had him shocked the first time he truly registered it. He chuckles, looking down at the now empty capsule bottle. The fluorescent lights above him make the orange bottle glow in his trembling hand.

His vision blurs for a moment, and then everything around him feels so much more vivid. As he inhales, the chilled air of the freezer enters his lungs without protest, and he feels alive again. The beat of his heart speeds up and every sound around him becomes just that much clearer. With a couple more minutes till his break ends, he savors the feeling as much as he can.

The first batch of painkillers he received were for his shoulder injury, they had run out two months ago. The second round he got was from telling his doctor the pain hadn’t stopped. It had, the pain was gone, but the high he got after the first time he took too many was something he wasn’t ready to let go just yet. He knew addiction was stupid, for a multitude of reasons.

Number one because of all those talks they gave him back in his high school’s health class. Don’t drink alcohol, don’t smoke weed, never even look at cocaine. Shit like that didn’t really stop people, not in Seonghwa’s case at least. Teachers would list reasons like how it’d make you lose all your relationships with loved ones, or you’d end up so fucked in the head you’d get fired and end up on the street.

Seonghwa still had friends, contacted his parents like once every month and still worked at a shitty café. Therefore, he didn’t think that the first reason could really classify him as an addict. Or convince him to stop.

Number two, also taught in those lectures back in high school was that even if you were just drinking or smoking every now and then, that addiction sneaks up on you before you realise it. That eventually, whatever you take won’t be enough, and you’ll start shooting up heroin before your eighteenth birthday.

He proved them wrong, for the most part. He hadn’t touched heroin, but he guesses that yeah, that second bottle of pills started to not be enough too. His excuse was how much extra energy it gave him at work, then for studying a couple more hours into the night, then because it helped him wake up quicker in the mornings. It certainly helped him recover from last night’s party. That’s all it was really, a boost. People had their coffee every morning, so fuck it why not?

Seonghwa didn’t go back when his break was over, and he didn’t care much too. The owner was holed up in his office texting a woman (that was not his wife) so it’s not like he’d notice. Call him a piece of shit for not telling her but he wasn’t about to sacrifice his job for a woman that he didn’t know that well. Hell, it’s not like it was easy for him to hand her a coffee every day and thank her as she dropped her change in his tip jar.

Too much thought put into that was not good for his nerves.

Seonghwa exhales, laying against the metal shelves, pulling his phone out his back pocket. Ignoring notifications for overdue fees and his parent’s texts he continued scrolling. After finding the right contact he held his phone up to his ear. After a few seconds the call had been picked up, the tremble in his hand had stopped but his grip on the container tightened.

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#my number one supporter #ugh i appreciate u sm #the yearn for angst is so real #theyre all very messed up n we will love n hate them yes #the gays!!! it was a need stay tuned for more lol #yh n yeo will def be #smth..#lust for life au

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