#i love them dearly and im glad you enjoyed this little fic

[asteria7fics]

Already left a long ass comment but I just read Memento Mori and I'm so incredibly in love. What the fuck man, emotional aspects aside— your writing is incredible. Once I've reread it enough to be more normal about all the content, I'm gonna study it under a microscope and take notes to learn from your writing craft. It's fucking awesome and I hope you have the greatest life ever

- mantequillamccwhoremick

Aaaaah thank you!!! ( ∩´͈ ᐜ `͈∩)

I was excited about this one because the death industry/body preparation are things that I'm really interested in, so to finally have an excuse to explore those things in writing was a lot of fun for me. This was maybe the most effortless fic for me to write, like, ever.

You're very kind to hold this fic in such high regard, dude. I missed Bunny, and writing just for my own sake, so it's really exciting to be reminded that I can write the weird things that excite me and that people will still enjoy my work.

Much love, if you ever have any questions please don't hesitate to reach out! Not that I think I'll have life-changing answers, I just like to talk about writing ahaha.

[aphroditesmoon]

wish you'd ask me

clarisse la rue x fem!demigod!reader

summary: you're not good at reading subtle hints, clarisse realises that maybe she should've been more upfront with her feelings for you.

warnings: fluff, oblivious!reader, clarisse is down bad, reader is very neurodivergent coded, kissing, flirting, title n fic inspired by 'Wish You'd Ask Me' by Matt Maltese.

A/N: thank you for 1.9k followers!! I love you all dearly, my ask box and dms r always open, im glad that my writing is being enjoyed by so many people<3

wc: 4.5k

You have been in camp half blood for more than 4 years. You have made yourself at home for the last several years. 

It was easy to view yourself as lesser or inadequate in comparison to other mortals during your days in the real world before you were sent to camp. The world has never failed to remind you of how different you were. Always too much or not good enough, always special and never normal

And it wasn't like you were dying for some sort of diagnosis to justify why you are the way you are, but upon discovering that you were actually a demigod, it felt like all the questions you've been harboring to yourself was finally answering themselves. 

Everything clicked. Everything made sense, though at the same time, it felt impossible. You were a very confused little girl when you first arrived at camp. A girl who just wanted someone to tell them that it'll all be alright in the end.

And you still remembered the first person to hold you by your shoulders and made you look into their eyes as they told you that it was all going to be okay.

The girl with beautiful long curls and dark piercing eyes. The girl that everyone else, apparently, was afraid of.

But you could never be afraid of Clarisse La Rue. 

Not with the way she smiles when every time she sees you, the way she never fails to make you feel included even in activities you're not capable of participating in. Not with the way your whole body electrifies every time your skin touches, when your hands brush against each other. 

It didn't matter what anyone think, because no one could change the perception you've built of her. Clarisse La Rue is good. Or at least she is to you.

When you first heard of the rumours surrounding her, you did think better than to force a friendship on her. You strayed away from her and stuck to your cabin siblings and your books, but you noticed daily how she'd still go out of her way to talk to you at least once a day.

It didn't need to be a long conversation, just a passing acknowledgement. An easygoing 'hey, how've you been doing.' Sometimes she'd even go as far as cracking a joke with you.

With how serious her face is whenever she make the jokes, you'd have to think twice as hard and thrice as faster than another person to try and guess if she was being genuine or not so you could fit in a necessary laugh when you needed to.

Even as her anger became more apparent because of the new kid's accidental climb to fame and embarrassing the Ares' cabin, she still found time to make a conversation with you.

It had been long since you tried to ignore or avoid her. You learned that her attention towards you is harmless, and that she seemed much more comfortable telling you certain things compared to others. If she has been viewing you as some sort of safe box, then you don't really mind it. You liked listening to her talk and keeping her heart's intent as your secret.

You too, talking to her. To some people, you are reserved,  

and to others, talkative. Either way, people find it easy to discard you at any moment they decide you are irritating.

But Clarisse listens. And she asks questions, she's patient- much patient that anyone could anticipate or guess. 

It may be hard for others to believe, but Clarisse is more complex than she seems. She had the capacity to be gentle, and she had the capacity to respect boundaries. The more time you spent with her, the more that side becomes easy for you to access.

Today, however,  marks a new record for your friendship with her. A few weeks ago, she had informed you of her newfound interest in the history of folklore monsters. What a coincidence that you were currently self-studying on that specific topic.

She insisted that you hook her in on whatever it is you're learning. She had even gotten you a doughnut to eat together outside the library as you told her of your insights of dragons and their theorized blindness and incapability to differentiate a variety of prey.

The conversation went well, she seemed immensely in awe of your knowledge and had no problem telling you how she felt. 

You even gave her some book recommendations, though you knew she wasn't much of a reader.

You felt a shift in your relationship that night and had spent the next three days studying more and more about the topic. And today, you had asked her to spend the evening with you. 

You shouldn't feel so nervous asking her to hang out. That is what friends do, after all.

She found you in the library, sitting on the floor in between two large bookshelves. She had been right on time and enthusiastically so. The two of you sat together, hidden by the shelves as some semblance of privacy. 

Clarisse looked confused when you had explained that you indeed wanted to spend the rest of the day in the library, but she accompanied you anyways.

You could never get sick of the smell of the books. Old and new, they all have some nostalgic past tied in between the pages, begging to be discovered. 

You had your back on the walls with tinted windows above your head as she's seated opposite of you in a criss-crossed position.

Today, the library isn't as packed as usual. There were still people walking in and out and checking out the books on the counter, but not too many that it became obnoxiously loud and annoying. 

After finishing another book of Monsters and how to spot them, you're feeling knowledgeable enough to explain the lore of the Giants to Clarisse, she had asked you about this the other day, giants have been long extinct to the point that some might even say they may have never even existed. And so you were interested in sharing with her all of the information you have learned about the majestic species of a beast.

You started with the general information. The basic understanding of what a Giant is the mythhs of Giants and the validity of those sources. Clarisse listened closely in the beginning, never interrupting you unless she had an actual question.

She seemed in awe of the stories you tell her of. You don't blame her, for you yourself have been most interested in the topic of Giants.

You were an hour an a half in when noticed her attention faltering. She leaned against the cases of books, her eyes twitched slightly when you began to explain the different types of giants, and the difference of how they operate.

Her hands are folded together on her lap, and you can feel her listening in on everything you're telling her as she adds in some commentary here and there, but you also felt that she wasn't entirely in on the conversation.

The dim lights of the library made the atmosphere feel warm and secluded, even with its vast space and many other campers hanging around in the other tables and shelves. You made sure to keep your voice low as you spoke in fear of the librarian kicking you out. 

You had a good reputation with the library workers, they liked how organized and polite you were. 

"A lot of people think their greatest strength is their size, which is valid, they are huge, but their real weapon is their mouth." You told Clarisse, ignoring the litter of books by your left that you had brought over for reference.

"They kiss you to death?" She asks suspiciously. You laughed shortly and shook your head. "No, I mean their breath."

She responds with an 'ohh.' 

"They're giants, so their mouth is large too, and you can easily tell what they had for breakfast even from their tall height. Their breaths are also known to be so rancid it could kill you, because they don't exactly eat what we eat." 

She raises a brow as she stretches her hands upwards. "Isn't that ogres?" 

"It's both." You confirmed.

You were about to continue your explanation but halted by instinct as you notice how her mouth keeps pursing together as if unsatisfied, and she has that look on her face that mimicked a confused expression. You're don't think there's anything to be confused of.

"Are you okay?" You asked her worriedly. Clarisse sits up straighter at the question and waved a hand off to assure you she's fine. "Of course, no yeah- I'm fine."

"You seem bored, you're not really interested in what I'm saying are you?” She opens her mouth to counter your words but hesitates to say anything. 

"I- well, I like giants-" She attempts, "-no you don't. " 

"No. I don't." She admits with a sigh. "But I thought you said you were interested in these kind of stuff?" You questioned her. "Well, yeah, like the general idea of it. I mean, I don't hate it, and I like hearing you talk about it." She answers with a shrug.

"Then why do you look disappointed? If you didn't want to come, you could've just told me. I wouldn't get mad." You told her honestly. It was conflicting for you to see her so confused on what to say, being so picky with the words she chooses.

You figured she's probably reluctant to hurt your feelings. That is a notion you're used to. You'd rather she tell you the truth to your face than to be catered around like a time ticking bomb that everyone's so afraid might explode at any time. 

"When you asked me out yesterday, you told me this would be an 'evening to remember." She tells you with such confidence like it was an explanation to her weird behaviour today.

"You don't think this is an evening to remember?" You sincerely inquire.

"No, I do! I just- well, when you said that I didn't think you'd mean we'd be doing this." Your frown deepens as you try to figure out what she means, eyeing her body language closely. “What do you mean? I told you I wanted to hang out.” 

A part of you is offended. She was the one who had said she liked hearing you speak, why would she be disappointed that this was your idea of spending time together?

"I don't know, I thought we'd just be doing...something else?"

It didn't matter what she had really meant with that. You felt completely embarrassed once she finished her sentence. Why was it that everyone else had no problem having long conversations with their friends, but when it came to you, it's all too awkward, unnecessary, and odd? 

You liked Clarisse, you considered her your friend. Sometimes you wonder if it could ever be more, but you never entertain those thoughts because you don't want to ruin what the two of you already have. 

But moments like these resemble a huge slap in the face by the universe.

You couldn't even be good friends with her, how ridiculous of you to think that there could ever be something more.

"Okay, um, maybe we should just go back to our cabin." You decided whilst standing up and picking up the stack of books you're currently borrowing from the library, ready to leave the place without waiting for her.

"Hey, wait." She called out as you walked past her. You spared her a glance, trying your best not to show how upset you are.  “We're friends." She says it so much like a question that you weren't sure if she's even sure of the fact herself until she continued speaking. "I like hanging out with you."

Another thing that you weren't sure if she really meant. "Sure." You replied thinking it's the most suitable response. 

Before she could say anything else, you turned around and started picking up your pace until you disappeared out of her sight.

—

You have been consistently ignoring Clarisse. Which proved to be harder than expected.

When you pass by her camp or the training ground, you make a mental note to always look down or to your front as to never accidentally cross eyes with her.

And everytime you hear her call out your name, you keep walking like you didn't even hear her, knowing that she wouldn't be bold enough to call for you again. After all, she still had a reputation to uphold.

If ignoring her wasn't hard enough, having to deal with how you felt for her is worse.

You've been avoiding confrontation with yourself for weeks even before you decided to go no contact with her.

And so far, you thought you've been handling it pretty well. Except for days where you don't see her where she's expected to be. You tell yourself that you don't care as you make your way to training in the day and reading in the evening, and yet you still go back on your own words when you asked a passerby Ares kid on where his cabin leader was.

"She's dunking some kid's head into a toilet bowl." Of course she was.

You thanked the dude and went back on your way to your cabin. It's close to dusk, the sky is turning orange and the sun is dipping itself below the earth. You take your time returning to your cabin as you enjoy the way the sun slowly removes itself from anyone's viewing.

You wondered to yourself if things like these are what makes you weird or off-putting to some people.

Was enjoying nature and having niche interests only cute when it's done by girls pretty enough to be cool or if it's only in romance movies or books.

You don't find yourself weird, in fact you think all of your hobbies are pretty common and usual, and yet the way Clarisse had spoken to you at the library last week had made you feel unnatural.

You had wanted to do normal people things with her, but maybe your perception of normal is different to her.

Either way, you are pretty hurt with how she reacted. You loved her still, of course. It's kind of hard to unlike the girl you've been obsessed with since you were 15.

Once you finally reach your cabin, you quickly put down all of your books and your tiny sling back by the side before making it to the shower to refresh yourself before dinner.

You thought it hilarious of how hard you're trying not to care about Clarisse, and yet as you're cleaning yourself up, changing your clothes and attempting to read at least 15 pages of your World's Most Dangerous Beasts book, you could only think of her.

What would it take for her to think that you're cool, what kind of things did she want to do instead of listening to you yap around for 2 hours on what is an equivalent of a boring dinosaur facts, not that you really think dinosaurs are boring.

During dinner, you kept to siblings and had to make yourself finish your plate as your anxiety wrecking thoughts have a way of deriving you of an appetite. You also had to convince yourself to not search for her at the other tables which took more strength than one would expect.

But you succeeded, and you were now sure that the only obstacle left for the day was to try and fall asleep without the thoughts of her keeping you up.

Clarisse is a force, a fierce daughter of Ares, and a cabin leader who had much better things to do then hole up at quiet small places with you.

And just because she was nice enough to mantain a good relationship with you for 4 years, does not mean that you're worth her time. Or at least that's what you tell yourself.

That night, you managed to fall asleep after an hour of recalling Harpy facts in repetition. Counting sheeps had never worked on you, so you had to find something much more active to tire out your brain.

You dreamed of Clarisse with her hair down, holding your hand and pulling you closer so she could slip a flower on your ear.

And just as she's looking down at you, moving closer to do what it seemed like to kiss you, you awoke with a jolt, swearing under your breath as if you'd just gotten jumpscared by a ghost.

Someone's palms moved to shut your lips as you're met with a girl, hovering over you in the dark. Clarisse's dark eyes were recognizable, but it sent a shot of adrenaline through your body still.

"Shh." She whispered to your face, hand still keeping your mouth shut. "I'm going to remove my hands now." She whispered again. You nod in understanding and waited for her to pry her hand away from your face.

"What are you doing here?!" You exclaimed as quiet as possible as she helped you sit up.

"I'm sneaking you out." She answers with a wink. "It's 2 in the morning." You waved your hand around at the darkness and sleeping children. "3 in the morning, and yeah, I know. That's why it's called sneaking around." She corrects you with a grin so devilish that if you hadn't known her for a long time, you'd assume she's about to turn you into a new toilet bowl or dumpster boxing victim.

You sighed loudly and glared at her despite your fast beating heart. Her hand remained on top of yours until the minute becomes more awkward and she removes it as if she just remembered that she's been holding your hand.

Without explanation,  she climbed out of your bed and tiptoes to the open cabin door. You're still sitting up and looking at her with conflicted feelings.

Only after she turns back to you, cocking her head towards the entrance, do you give into her request and softly leave the comfort of your bed and trail after her.

"Where are we going?" You asked after her as she kept walking. Instead of responding, she asks you another question back, "Can you swim?"

"We're going swimming?" You watch her shrug in return from behind her and became even more distressed.

"So, is this your idea of having fun and hanging out then?" She laughs drily and slowed down so you could catch up. You walked fast enough until you're beside her and waited for her to talk. "You sound surprised, I would've thought that after 4 years of friendship, you'd know by now that I love doing things that includes active movements."

You did know that, it's a bit hard to not notice how much working out, training and running fuels her even more.

"And why are we doing it in the middle of the night?" The walk towards the lake by the back of the forest was short, considering that your cabin is the closest to the location.

You almost tripped and fell over a stick, but Clarisse was quick to scoop you back up by the back of your shirt. "Thanks." You mumbled to her. "And you haven't answered my question."

Clarisse pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it on the ground without caring of your presence. You, having more moral obligations than her, twisted your face to your left when she began to pull her trousers off. "Too many people in broad daylight." She tells you.

That is a valid reason, this lake is mostly known as a hook up spot, and true to it's cause, many dating campers have been caught together here during dawn or late evenings.

You braved yourself to turn towards her again slowly and realised that she had already hopped into the water. She had a sports bra on and a boxer.

And though you yourself had a tank top and shorts on, you contemplate the idea of suicide as a better choice than having to strip in front of her.

"Are you gonna get in, or are you just gonna gawk at me from there?" You were grateful for the dark being able to hide your flushed face from her, but deep down, you knew that she probably saw it anyways because of the shining bright moonlight.

"I can't swim." You told her.

"That's fine, the water's not very deep." You ransacked your brain for reasons to decline her offer, but at the same time, a small part of you yearned to take this risk that you've been so afraid of for gods knows whatever reason.

Clarisse is there, in the water and under the moonlight. You are only a few steps away from her. And like she said, the water isn't deep, only waist length. She stares back at you with a raised brow like she's challenging you to join her.

"Turn around first." You tell her. She smirked slightly before slowly spinning to the opposite direction. "You know I've seen you naked before right?"

"What?" You choked out, aghast. "Who do you think changed your clothes for you when you first got to camp." Oh, that.

Your shoulder relaxes as you realize she's talking about the first time you met. "That's was a long time ago." You noted. She hummed im agreement. "Yeah, we've both grown since."

You told her she could turn around once you're inside the water. Forgetting about the heighy difference between you two, the water was high enough to reach your chest, trying your best not to trip underwater the way you always do on dry ground, your hand instinctively reached outnfor her shoulder.

Clarisse held your forearm tightly and drew your closer to her until you're inches away from eachother.

You breathed in sharply and felt the need to fill in the awkward silence. "So, you...like swimming, huh?"

"Yes, evidently so." She answered. "Right right, can't sit still and all that." She actually chuckled at your sarcasm, making you proud of yourself.

"You know, even before I came to camp Half Blood, I use to be a pretty active person, running track, volleyball, sometimes swimming." Your eyes widened in curiosity. "Really?" She nodded.

"The counselor told my mom that I just had so many untapped energy, which I guess is a code for anger issues." Her grip on your forearm moves higher until her palm is over your shoulder.  "She told her that it'd be best for me to find a...healthy way, to channel that energy, and for my strong competitiveness. So I joined what I could, and that's how I spent most of my free time there. Besides, I never was that good academically. So, I ought to at least be good at something, right?"

"You are good." You blurted out. Your embarrassment faded away when you saw her smile. "You think so?"

"Yeah." You assured her. Her other hand had snaked around your waist without you noticing. Only when you moved slightly do you notice her holding you softly.

"The moon is really nice tonight, isn't it?" You said, trying to diffuse the tension. You pointed your finger up to the sky at the singular white orb.

She glanced up and let out a 'huh.'

"I like it when it's bright and whole like this, the moon in all of its glory. You don't even notice the starts around it when it's glowing like that." You could stare at the moom forever, even longer than the way you've been staring at the sun.

You believed in it the way children do with their birthday candle. To you, the moon has always been a symbol of hope or comfort for your future. Your fascination for it existed from when you were a child, the way it'd follow you from behind as you gazed upon it from the back of the car seat whilst your parent drove down the road.

The way it moved above you as you walked home from school, like one of the gods themselves watching over you.

"Nothing compares to the moon." You announced aloud, watching as the clouds around it began to gather over it. "Yeah, It's beautiful." You hear Clarisse speak.

As your head snapped back to her, you found that she had already been facing you.

"I like the moon...but not as much as I like you." She whispered loud enough for your ears only. Her face leans closer to yours, your noses brushing together. "Not as much as I like to hear your voice, when you tell me about your little harpy facts-"

"Oh, I haven't told you about the harpies yet." You cut her off. "I just finished that chapter this morning actually and-"

"-and, you can tell me about it after I'm done talking." You blushed and became silent, letting her speak.

Clarisse exhaled breathily, fanning your face with the subtle warm air. "I like doing things that friends do with you, but I don't want to be your friend anymore."

"Oh."

"I want to be more than friends." She elaborated.

"Oh." Oh.

You feel a sudden tightness in your chest, from anxiety or from butterflies is undecided. "You want to be best friends?" You joked, laughing nervously.

Clarisse snorted at your joke, but she was still grinning widely. "Best friends, If that's what you want to call it."

There was a moment of understanding shared between a second of shared gazes before her lips attached themselves to yours. An urgency, approval, meaning that can't be described by words.

Whatever gentleness there was inside of her before had vanished. Clarisse kissed you like a starved woman. Her lips craved yours like it'd be the last time she'll ever know how you taste like.

Your hands clasped on her shoulder and neck for support as she embraced you tighter to her body. You let her tongue slip into your mouth, meeting your own.

And as they danced together, inhaling all there is in your lips, every secret and every confession that have died on the tip ofnyour tongues, you are sure that no heaven nor hell could tear you open to see you back together like this.

You push her back abruptly, letting fresh air fill your empty lungs. "What's wrong?" Clarisse inquired worriedly.

"Last week." You sighed out, chest still heaving as your thoughts clicked together. "You thought I had asked you on a date, that's why you were disappointed."

She winced at the reminder, and for the first time in your life, you had been lucky enough to witness a flustered Clarisse.

"I'm right." Her silence confirmed. "Oh Clarisse, why didn't you just ask me?"

Huffing loudly, she rolls her eyes in irritation. "I thought I was obvious enough. "

Thinking back on it all, it did seem pretty obvious, but gods were you oblivious. The way you intepreted it all so wrongly.

"I've liked you for so long too." You admitted to her. Her scowl was gone at that, replaced by a teasing smile. "And what are you gonna do about it?" Her mouth returned to yours, letting go of all your fears and holding on to Clarisse like she's your anchor, you close the gap between your lips, welcoming the kind of pleasure that you've never tasted before.

[rainyraisin]

I’VE FINALLY GOTTEN TO READING RETICENT YAYYY (i’ve had the fic open!! for like a few months!! i kept getting distracted sobs)

anyway I LOVE IT RAAHAHAGGSHSHGGSBAGSTGSBAFGSBA‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ THEY’E SO SILLY!! I LOVE THEM!!

k im done now. :3

OMIGOSH YOUVE KNOWN ABOUT RETICENT FOR MONTHS???? Bro u don’t know how genuinely cool to me that is GCKSBSKAHD AHHHHHHH‼️‼️‼️💖💖💖🫂🫂🫂🫶🫶🫶🫶🌸🌸🌸‼️‼️

IM GLAD U LOVE THE SILLIES YIPPEE YIPPEE they are all my little guys I love them dearly and I’m glad you do too yay!!!!! I am so interested in who your favourite character is and which chapter was your favourite ngl bfksbdkwh but you don’t have to answer or anything I’m just glad you enjoyed your time with it! I hope you enjoy the rest of the first season and any other reticent content :D (which there will be… a LOT of, looking at my animatic playlist-)

[linklethehistorian]

hi linkle,

i just want to say you're my favorite writer, that one scene in chaper 6 made me explode!!! literally, im in recovery rn!! (just kidding haha!!!! 🤣🤣) anyway, i was wondering if i could make a request for the next chapter. if verlaine could... just once... use the nickname "pookie" for rimbaud it would really make the story. i think it really captures how the characters feel and its so romantic 🥺💖💞. thank you for reading, keep up the good work!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ✨🌸✨🥺✨💖✨💐✨🥹✨💞✨🌷✨😭✨💜✨🪷✨🥰✨💝✨🌺✨🥺✨💙✨🌼✨🥹✨🤍✨🌸✨😭✨💕✨💐✨🥰✨💛✨🌷✨🥺✨💚✨🪷✨🥹✨🤎✨🌺✨😭✨🖤✨🌼✨🥰✨❤️✨

I’m your favorite writer?!!! 🥺💓💫 That’s so sweet, oh my gosh! 😭💖💞 Thank you so much, that really means everything to me to hear! 🥹💗💝⭐️🌟

I’m glad you enjoyed Chapter 6 so much! I’m curious which scene precisely you mean. 👀 The whole thing where Paul and Arthur are talking for the first time? Or just a certain part in particular? Ahhh, either way, I’m glad! I wish you a speedy recovery. 😔❤️‍🩹 lol

(Sorry for all the emojis! I don’t usually go overboard with them but just — ahhh I’m so happy 🥺💖💖💖💕💕💕)

Arthur and Paul won’t be interacting next chapter unfortunately, and even if I’m usually super happy to hear people’s requests and accommodate them as best I can because I love my readers dearly, I don’t intend for anything explicitly and strictly romantic to be happening between them within this arc (nor can I really picture Paul using that particular pet name, personally, but I’m happy for you that you can ^-^).

However! I can still write a little side drabble for you in which he does at some point, for your personal satisfaction, and I’ll post it in a reblog for this ask. I will try to have it completed by the time the next chapter comes out so you can know to look for it around then. Eventually, probably mostly after Cherish (although I’m undecided about when rn, could be sooner or later), I’ll be posting a bunch of little side stories and side gags to AO3 revolving around them that don’t fit into the main fic, so I’ll include it in there as well. 💖💖💕💕

Thank you for the lovely ask!!! Have an amazing day, anon! I love you so much! 🥺🥺💕💕💕✨✨⭐️⭐️🌟🌟 Thank you for supporting Cherish! I hope you’ll continue to enjoy it all the way through! And don’t be shy to come by again if you ever feel like it!

[lostmykeysie]

hi keysie! i dnt use tumblr like at all but i recently just finished reading the horcrux hunt n the missing link and boy do i hve thoughts i need to share. listen, ur writing is absolutely phenomenal n i cannot stop thinking abt it morning, noon n night. the way u write the friendship between regulus n remus has me crying n laughing all at the same time. they care abt each other sm. it feels so real to me. i love them so so so much.

honestly, i wasnt sure how i felt abt the platonic kissing at first but as i read on i get it. the way u portray their dynamic it js fits so well. i literally adore the way they talk to each other n ive honestly hvent found any other works like it. im so glad they had each other during the war and everything.

some aspects of their friendship tht rlly hve my heart/stuck w me:

- the fact tht regulus starts questioning his view of everything bc remus came into his life !!

-n the fact he goes into the wolfsbane project (mostly?) bc of remus - THEIR NICKNAMES FOR EACH OTHER

-regulus (especially the 'You’ve got me tearing my hair out here Rom, I’m so worried.' letter) n lilys letters to remus during the december moon 😭😭

-the fact tht they share memories on the pensieve w each other js so tht the other cn understand their feelings. IT FEELS SO INTIMATE. its like when ure telling ur friend a problem tht u cnt quite change but u js need them to listen yk?

-"I think the Lupins were always meant to be a four piece set, and now we’ve finally got you." I ADORE THEM!! regulus n hopes relationship 💗💗💗

-when regulus was like how cld u sirius??? he thought u were the love of his life n u thought he was a traitor??? i cld kill u rn. me too reg me too.

speaking of wolfstar angst,, u wrote them so well!! my heart cracks little by little with every fight they hve in the camden flat but theyre doing sm better now in tml it makes me SO happy. the fight where remus leaves for his parents house yet still left pieces of himself in the flat BROKE ME.

the fact tht remus wnted to tell sirius n the others wht he was doing so bad but cldnt, n in the end he knew it was right not to bc of the rat. honestly, the way u decipt peter has me in shambles. bc like, he was ready to betray them frm THE START yk?? like he literally became animagi for remus n STILL tried to frame him. id feel violent as well.

and lily, oh gods lily. i love her so much. the fact tht she cried bc she realised she loved james n felt like she was losing a piece of herself bc she thought tht meant she didnt love alice anymore??? broke me once again. alice is one of my favourite characters and no matter how minor of a role she plays in any fic i still love her dearly. i, too, would be in love w her.

i also love tht lily n remus were still able to repair their friendship even w everything tht happened. i dont rmb wht happened to the polaroid, did lily take it w her?

the girls + dorcas n reg getaway!!! dorcas' face jewellery omg 💗💗 i also plan to get a few piercings to my face when i cn in the future :)

reg n lily hving a truce in muggle waitrose is so funny n endearing to me bc theyre hving a heart to heart while picking up cheese and like?? breadsticks 😭😭

oh well, this is getting quite long i think. my last point: jegulus!!

ill be honest i stumbled upon the missing link before the horcrux hunt bc i was looking for jegulus fics but after seeing reg n remus interact i HAD to go bck m read thh. no regrets, i enjoyed it dearly.

reg n james kissing n reg js being like nope nope im not gns process tht. BUT LIKE NOW THEYRE HOLDING HANDS !! honestly i love how reg treats harry, their interactions has my heart. if i were james n i saw reg n my son interacting, id already be a gooey puddle on the floor, james has quite the self control. tho considering it is physically impossible for it to happen, i think he has already metaphorically melted into a gooey puddle on the floor.

lastly the part where remus was talking abt how haz takes after all the four of them. one of my favourite moments honestly.

now this is quite a lot, so if u do end up reading all of this, thank u for writing thh n tml. 💗

sending lots of love x

hi darling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

first of all i just want to say this is the LONGEST ask i have ever had lmao i didn't even know you were allowed this many characters your power is unmatched xxx it's like you wrote me a lil story you're the best xxx

i love regus friendship and i can't even remember why i was like 'you know what i need to write about this' but i will NEVER write them as anything but bffs ever again i am obsessed with them i love them so much i'm so glad you do too xxx

i think the platonic kissing was a bit of a wild ride for us all and i think some folks were a bit worried it wouldn't come across as platonic because it feels like such a romantic thing but i think once we got used to it it just became *their thing* you know?? and i love it so so much i love them and they love each other i love their dynamic so much

i love your list of faves <3 i just love the concept of people having fave things and moments it makes me sooooo happy. i think our faves are quite similiar, reggie doing the wolfsbane trial defo for me. the first night they got drunk together in reggie's flat is also close to my heart<3 and of course reg seeing sirius for the first time in years and defending remus <3

the wolfstar angst hurts but it's also just... it's not *easy* to write but they just have so much angst they really have fought a war for their relationship and it's never been smooth sailing and i'm glad i didn't just throw them together happily ever after once the war was over because it just didn't feel real enough you know? BUT i feel like we've earned the fluff now and that is ALL we have now for these last four chapters it's fluff fluff smut and fluff and i can't wait <3 <3 it tastes so much sweeter now because of the angst you know

peter was a tough one because i feel like canon implies he's just a coward but that's just. not enough for me, you know? and he's canonically a hat stall so i just love the idea he's actually this menacing creature that is so selfish and self centred that as soon as he thought he wouldn't be on the winning side of the war and voldemort had more to give him he just dipped. like how you can forsake your best friends of ten years you have to be a horrid person and a coward just doesn't cover that for me!!!!! but a person driven by selfish motivation their whole life, loyal to only themselves???? yes please

i LOVE lily i love sapphic lily but i LOVE the idea of jily being best friends. lily is so mature, much more mature - emotionally too - than the rest of them, especially the boys. it is a bit heartbreaking to not only give her unrequited love for her best friend but then to kill alice.... such an ouch i wont lie. but i love her. and i'm really excited for her future in this series too, i didn't just want to shove her into a relationship like she's got trauma to get over healthily and a kid and everything she deserves a proper arc <3

lily did take the polaroid!!! she has it in a drawer at the moment but it won't stay there <3

dorcas is a legend and i love them they're such a fun character to write and i might be inspired enough to re-pierce my other nostril and get an eyebrow... i want a ring through my eyebrow soooo bad

i love reg and lily and they will only get closer <3 <3

omg me and you both. i feel like reg is accidentally great with kids and james potter is the daddiest daddy so of course if you're great with his kid he's gonna love you. that definitely sold reg for him i think. i also love him so much in this fic because i feel like he just *knows* how to deal with the black brothers. he's not pushing reg for anything despite being quite obviously his biggest fan and i love him for it i actually LOVE them. and i didn't expect to! this is my first jegulus fic and idk if i'll write them again outside of this universe/series but i love them so much i feel like they've come together so well and they complement each other and i LOVE THEM

i do love little harry and i cannot wait for harry to grow up with all four (and more) of them raising him. i will defo do follow up fics in this series without a doubt because i just have to for my own sake xxx

thanks so much for coming and writing me your own little story in my ask box hahahah sorry it took so long for me to get to it, i am chronically OFFline xxxxxx kisses xxxxxxx hope you enjoy the final few chapters !!!!!!!!!

[mangoisms]

hello!!! Ive been reading your fanfic Forever is a Maybe and dayuuuummmmm IM LOVING THE SLOW BURN!, And im loving the emphasis you put into describing the relationships between everyone, it's so platonic and i hold it dearly close to my heart bc im a sucker for platonic love and friendships 🥹 thank you for being here making Kazuya and Daiya content in 2023 i feel so warm reading abt a fave anime and my fave character ♡ im pretty much immersed in this universe you created and when i watch the mlb matches i always hope they were real so i could see them irl ToT it is surely being a nice adventure into their personalities and characters development and alllll and i also appreciate so much the thought you put into describing such nice interactions with the characters, even those who dont show up in depth! Everyone gets the chance to show they have personality, you know?! Im meaning to say youre amazing and im here appreciating SO MUCH what youre doing! And i also love your notes at the end of the chapters and when you say "this part is going to be fun" i feel ALSJSHDGDKF bc i KNOW it is indeed going to be fun and I feel so happy that youre also enjoying your thing!!!! Aaaaaaa I dont know man i just know that im so happy with your story i feel i might EXPLODE IN A MILLION COLORED PAPERS AND GLITTER AND DIE AND COME BACK TO READ MORE!! thank you for existing and sharing your creativity with so many of us and im sorry for the big big text and if i didnt make sense at all but THATS IT! ♡ PEACE ♡

hi!!!! thank you SO MUCH!!!! i’m so glad you’re enjoying everything!!! platonic relationships are just so deeply important to me, they keep the world spinning HAHA and i wanted to write something that allowed for the platonic relationships to be just as meaningful and held in as much high regard as the romantic relationship that will eventually unfold!!! eijun plays as big of a part in this fic as miyuki — the one this pairing is for — does!!!

genuinely that is so sweet of you <33 daiya always made baseball look so cool LMAO so i am Honored to do something like that for you with this fic ^_^ thank you sm!!! i try to make sure that characters who make minor appearances have a little substance to them, you know? just so they’re not faceless background characters hehe.

you are amazing too! thank you for this lovely ask! i did have so much fun writing this fic and i post my stuff in the hopes that others may also have fun reading it so you’re so sweet to say that <33 thank you so much for this, it really made me night!!! and thank you for reading too!!! i’m very happy to share it with others <333 and no worries about the text either, it’s totally ok don’t apologize! and you made total sense too so don’t worry about it ^_^ i just want to say thank you all of it <3 i keep repeating it but it’s really so true! this ask is so lovely and so are you <33 thank you ^_^

[princip1914]

i just…….hi ok i oh. my god. i just found and finished the false and the fair in like. three days. and like from what i can see you’re showered with overwhelming amounts of praise for this fic (deserved, so so well deserved) so no pressure to respond to this but my GOD. thank you so so so much for this STORY, it’s the kind of work where you can just. you can feeeeeeeel all the soul and heart that went into it and ohhhhhhhh these particular renderings of aziraphale and crowley are just. Hhhnngnfnfng there’s so much emotion in my body rn i love them both so dearly it feels like my heart has grown 6000 sizes im. Man oh man what a gift. literally starting from the beginning tonight and reading it again, your writing is so! compassionate! and gentle! and poetic! and! intimate!!!! in the sense that it’s just! so unflinching and! like! oh god the way you describe mountain leaves and red tailed hawks and cicadas!!!!!! is so!!!!! it’s so gorgeous. it really is! and i am not appalachian but. this is yet another instance of my lil southern american tail end finding myself so thankful for authors who have the love and talent to render the complexity of life in rural marginalized places with clarity and tenderness. ALSO because of you im now aware of the existence of jean ritchie and! my GOD just thank you so much for ALL of this, the entire little world in and around this fic, you’ve put something really genuinely beautiful into the world!

Oh wow thank you so much! I am so glad you enjoyed the story!!!

The False and the Fair is a fic that is very near and dear to my heart and it really means a lot to know that someone else found it meaningful too. It’s really the most wonderful thing as an author to know that the settings and characters and ideas that I’ve been carrying around in my head all this time struck a chord with someone else too! :)

It’s also really nice to hear from a new reader more than a year after I posted the last chapter. I love the experience of telling a serialized story, and the support I had while posting it was incredible, but fandom also moves so quickly it’s nice to know people are still reading the fic even though it’s finished. <3

If anyone else wants to check it out, the fic is here (archive locked which is why the preview doesn’t come up unfortunately).

[perexcri]

I’m Sobbing ejdkwow. They’re so in Love and aaaa! And wills teaching Mike magic!!! It’s so cleradin of them! And im so excited and sad that next chapter is the last! Excitsad

“I want to learn because it makes me so happy when you use your magic, and I’d like to make you at least a fraction as happy.” Wailing sobbing curled up into a tiny little ball. Mike you are The Boy of all time

‘he takes the starlight and smears it against one of Mike’s cheekbones, watches as the light dusts against his freckles and slowly dissipates back into the arms of the universe.’ I’m scream this imagery is so pretty!!!

I swear I’m going to Weep until my eyes get sore when I read the last chapter. This fic is so close to my heart noww😭😭

they ARE in love!! i am beating the "why is this so slow" / "why haven't they kissed yet" allegations with this one!! or at least i'm telling myself that heheheh

yeah Will teaching Mike magic (since it can be learned!!) had me very emo. i wasn't lying in the a/n i was seriously at the library telling myself not to cry because i was feeling some major shrimp emotions reading over this chapter, specifically over the last little section, and also because of the starlight!! when am i gonna have somebody smear starlight they called down from the sky onto MY face 😔 (she says as somebody who barely likes being hugged alkjflsajfl)

let's count this as comment #69 (nice) that i am once again saying: i'm so glad you like this fic man!! and that it's close to your heart!! i know i keep repeating the same like two phrases every time, but idk how else to express my appreciation for the love you have for this story T_T 💜

i hope you enjoy the last chapter!! i actually wrote it a while ago, but i love it very dearly. i think it does everything justice, and i hope you feel the same way!!

thanks as always for your lovely words, Vee!! and barring i don't get carried off by a pack of vultures or something equally as bizarre, i'll look forward to seeing your final thoughts on this fic soon :] 💜💜💜

[rosaline-kei]

Omgomgomg i just read part 2 thank you sooo much!!! Today is my birthday and this is probably the best internet gift i could ever ask for. Thank you again for taking my request. If it's ok do you have any hcs on more of yandere armin? Im just so in love right now. But you definitely DONT need to do this after that master piece you wrote. Thank you AGAIN!!!!

Sorry for the late response @bobfregmegler ! Regardless, thank you! Your comments mean a lot to me and I’m glad you enjoyed the fic! I might continue it (as a one-shot ish series if you get what i mean haha) in the future, but no promises since life is getting busier every day ;-;

Anyways, here! :

-

Headcanons of Yandere! Armin (AruMika ver.)

Unlike your typical Yandere, while Armin does have the urges to kill whenever he sees anyone bother Mikasa, get a little too close, even flirting with her-- he controls them, weighing the consequences carefully. He knows if he murders a little too much, the survey corps may launch an investigation. And while he is more or less confident in hiding the evidence, he doesn’t want to undergo the hassle. In case. Though admittedly, there were a few times where that control was thinning and...

Regardless, that doesn’t mean he hadn’t killed anyone before. On expeditions, he’ll find a way to lure his target(s) away from the group alone, and then, kills them. And then blames the titans. No one will suspect him after all, right? He knows how to play this game. With that said, he will not kill anyone unnecessarily. Only those who threaten Mikasa’s life, will he spare no second thought.

For kills that aren’t titan-involved, Armin likes to drag out the process if possible.

It’s amazing how Jean survives till now, given how evidently he views Mikasa in a romantic light. To be fair, he was at the top of his list. However after Marco’s death, he doesn’t bother Mikasa all too much so he forgets about him, for now. Besides, having him around to agitate Eren, to annoy and keep Eren away-- distracting his attention from Mikasa would be useful. It’s a double-edged sword, but he takes the risk.

While he wants her all to himself, he does give her the freedom to befriend others. He doesn’t want an empty vessel, and he knows the human psychology quite well. Because he loves Mikasa dearly, he wants her to be happy. And of course, happier with him.

He loves any sort of physical intimacy Mikasa offers him. Though admittedly, there are times when her presence is all too overwhelming; too much for him. When that happens, he tends to excuse himself to cool off, albeit he is always reluctant to leave. Perhaps if they were in an official romantic relationship, where Mikasa knows about his yandere nature, he wouldn’t need to hide how deeply he loves and adores her.

He has some sketches of Mikasa. Each sketch is done with much intricacy. He keeps them neatly in a folder, hidden away because he does not want anyone to touch them, and heaven forbid, crumple them. (Who knows what he’d do, should someone crumple his sketches?)

He plans to one day paint them. Though, he can’t decide which one he should start on since they all encapsulate Mikasa’s beauty...

One day, he hopes to confess to Mikasa when they are all free from responsibilities. At the ocean. Not just because the books make it sound like a romantic spot, but because he loves Mikasa as much as (if not, more than) the ocean.

BONUS: some Yandere! Mikasa Headcanons (AruMika ver.)

Mikasa actually knows about Armin’s sketches (Armin has no knowledge of this), what she doesn’t know is that he is a yandere, too.

She actually kept one of his sketches, where she is standing near the ocean’s waves (She never actually stood there, it was just Armin’s imagination being portrayed on paper). The only reason why Armin never noticed was because Mikasa touched it. He didn’t sense any intrusion, nor did he sense anything was displaced. (It sounds unrealistic, yes. But that’s a yandere for you)

She drew Armin in that sketch, next to her. Let’s just say, she hopes that could be them one day. Free, together. With their relationship evolved as something more than just friends.

If Mikasa were to ever find out about his yandere tendencies, she wouldn’t be too bothered. After all, she is one too. At the very least, she’d be glad that there’s a form of mutual understanding... because then they’d both know how far they would go for someone they love.

Unlike Armin who would find Eren annoying time to time (given how he can be unintentionally rude to Mikasa, and how close he is with her regardless) Mikasa still cares about him. But it is different from what she feels for Armin. 

Once upon a time, she did like Eren romantically. However, after that one day where Armin...

It’s a story she could never forget, after all, since then her heart belonged to him.

-

and that’s all folks! i never did headcanons before HAHA i hope i did this right! xD. 

[katsuukiwii]

Idk why im in the mood for angst with levi but oof. I was thinkin about how he might support you after you loose a childhood friend on an expedition or something like that ;-; also loving the nnn series lmao

“Losing A Friend”- Levi X Reader (SFW- Angst + Fluff)

Contains: Death, angst, grieving, slight fluff

I am still accepting requests, but I will not start working on them until after Proud Chapter Ten is out! Thank you for understanding! 

I hope you enjoy this lil’ mini fic! As usual, if you would like me to change anything, feel free to message me! And thank you for the support on the story ^^

(B/F/N)= Best Friend’s Name (F/T)= Favorite Tea

Levi walks down the hall, stopping in front of the door that led to the room you shared. He takes a deep breath, listening to your soft sniffles, before finally entering, balancing a tray of snacks and tea on his side. His heart ached at the sight of you sitting on the bed, wiping your tears as you look at the photo of the person you loved so dearly. 

The recent expedition went relatively well, but as always, you couldn’t save everyone. And out of everybody that could’ve died, it had to be (B/F/N), Levi knew you loved them dearly. He knew what it was like to lose your closest friends, to him it was all he had ever known, but you didn’t experience it as much. Because of that, it was all up to Levi to help you with grieving, you didn’t deserve this. In Levi’s mind, you were far too good for the world, you were this little ball of happiness in this big, terrifying world, but you were just what everybody needed, his darling (husband/wife). Today though, you couldn’t be that usual ball of happiness.

He walks over to you, setting the tray on the bed carefully, making sure not to spill anything as you finally look up at him. “Come here, sweetheart,” he wraps his arms around you, pulling your head to his chest as you continue to cry, tears staining his shirt, “I miss him/her/them, Levi…”

“I know, (Y/N). I’m so sorry, honey,” a few kisses are placed on your forehead and nose, stroking your hair lovingly before finally handing you one of the teacups, setting the photo aside so you don’t spill tea on it. “It’s (F/T), I went out and bought some for you.” You take a sip before looking at him, too tired to look or sound shocked, “But...This stuff is expensive. You didn’t have to-”

“Yes, I did. You do so much, and you’re going through so much, you deserve it.” You give a small smile, one Levi hasn’t seen for about three days straight, when he met you, how much you smiled annoyed him, now he wanted nothing more than to see you smile. “Thanks,” he cuddles you, drinking his own tea until both cups are finally empty.

…

Levi wakes up to the sound of slightly muffled sobbing, rolling over immediately only to see your face nuzzled in a pillow, sobs being forced out of you as you shake. Levi sits up, rubbing your back, his tired, raspy voice reminding you that you weren’t alone, “Baby, hey, I’m right here.” You look up, meeting his tired eyes as they slowly blink, getting used to the lack of light. Standing up, he gets dressed in a pair of his sweatpants (since he usually sleeps in just his underwear) and a long sleeved shirt, grabbing your hand and pulling you up softly. He put his robe onto you, tying it and grabbing your hand, “Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” Your sobs now died down into small sniffles, tears still spilling from our eyes.

“You’ll see.” 

He walks you down the halls, all the way over to a small balcony area of the base, moving over to the edge and sitting down. “Come on, sit next to me. It’s okay,” you walk over, sitting down, wrapping his robe around you tightly, hiding yourself from the cold of night. Levi wraps an arm around you while you rest your head on his shoulder, drying your tears. “Do you see that star? The one that’s super bright?”

You look up, immediately noticing a star, slightly larger than the rest of them, but far brighter than the others, “Yeah.” Levi looks at you, turning back to the star before speaking again, “That’s (B/F/N). They’re watching over you, making sure you’re safe. If you look over there,” he points to two stars, close together, “That’s Isabel and Farlan. Whenever I miss them, I come out here and talk to them. So, whenever you miss (B/F/N), just remember that they’re out here, and you can come talk to them, okay?” You nod, smiling at his words as you wave at your friend, “Hi, (B/F/N)!” 

Levi smirks, glad that he could get you to calm down a bit. There you two sat, listening to you talk to (B/F/N) until you were calmed, before finally going back to bed. Levi stayed up until you fell asleep, snuggled up in his arms as you slept. He loved you so much, and he would be by your side through this, and through everything else.

[kenzsza]

hey hey hEY!! just wanna say that i love ALL your patrochilles fics!!! i'm subscribing to ALL your unfinished fics on AO3! especially the college AU one!! god, do i want to marry that series.... sfajlkfsjs i'm always looking forward for your new updates!!!! i literally have your AO3 page being opened since the first time you posted the college AU (even cried a bit when i accidentally closed it ajskls) im gonna say it again, LOVE UR FICS, keep up the great job! thank you for your amazing works!

hey there!!! this totally made my morning dude 🥺🥺 I've been feeling a little down about my writing lately so getting this made me super happy. I'm so so glad you enjoy my work!!!!! ❤️ my favorite part about writing has to be connecting with you guys like this!

I have a few college au pieces planned! :) I'll probably start working on them as soon as I get the next chapter of dearly departed out.

the dudes appreciate you too!!!

[aminiatureworld]

WAIT OMG!! IM SO HAPPY TO SEE YOUR REQUESTS OPEN AAAAA IF YOU DONT MIND!! I JUST ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR WRITING!! THEY'RE VERY IN CHARACTER AND😭💞💞💞 I have so many ideas in mind pls HHSHD

U can pick one- whichever you're in the mood for!!

Fluff: maybe zhongli being jealous of a plushie version of himself(and maybe the rex lapis statue) bc the reader seems so fond of it!! Reader doesnt know that he's rex lapis hehe how would he react? BFNFNF would he be fond of reader? A bit frustrated? Accidentally blurt out his real identity?? AAAA THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!!

Angst(hurt/comfort ish?): kinda hanahaki au!! the reader confessing to zhongli, but he declines! He dearly loves the reader, but he wants them to live their life to the fullest. He doesnt want the reader to feel the burden of growing up alone while their lover remains youthful. The reader refuses contact with him or anyone for a while!! But they get confused bc why aren't they coughing up flowers? Zhongli doesn't love them back, right? Maybe they confront zl!!

AAA I HOPE THIS ISNT TOO SPECIFIC?? IM SO SORRY IF IT IS AND FEEL FREE TO CHANGE ANYTHING IF EVER!! AND DO REMEMBER TO TAKE BREAKS!! LOOKING FORWARD TO READING MORE OF YOUR WORKS!!!

Hello!

Firstly thank you so much! I’m glad you like my writing so much. And I always love to hear ideas, so thank you for sending them my way!

Secondly because the request before this way also about jealousy I decided to take on the second prompt. Though I might stick the other one in my back pocket to write later, if you don’t mind of course.

Now, about the prompt. I’ll be completely honest I didn’t know what Hanahaki was before this request. I’ve probably heard of it in passing, but I did have to Google it to find out what I was working with. Since I wasn’t very familiar with the details of the trope I ended up lifting most of the symptoms from tuberculosis – which I learned is a lot more “common” than I thought, though it’s still considered rare in most developed countries about 1.4 million people die from it a year – which I kind surprised about considering it’s passed via air particles and not by things like foul water but antibiotic resistant mutations, etc.; I digress. Anyways if some of the rules are off that’s why. 

I didn’t talk about the actual disease too much in the end since the reader isn’t supposed to have it. Instead I focused more on the idea of how would somehow act if they thought they were doomed to die. I think it was a very interesting thing to explore, although funnily I think if you really picked through the fic you’d be able to figure out a lot of media I consume, since I feel a lot of my ideas stem from various media I’ve read as to death and love and immortality. 

I also made the ending positive to ambiguous. I might write a more concrete part later, but I felt the ending fit the general atmosphere a little better. Just because my brain took this prompt and somehow ran all the way back to romanticism. 

Speaking of which I thought it was very funny that Hanahaki in some ways reminds me of the romanticization of tuberculosis in the Victorian era. It was just kinda interesting to note.

Anyways sorry for rambling so much, but my thought process for writing this was very extensive and all over the place. I hope you don’t mind me going into it a bit, I think it’s kinda interesting, even if it’s probably not.

Here it is! I hope it’s what you’re looking for and I hope you enjoy!

[ceruleanskies]

I've just finished reading "Perfidious," and may I say just how surprised (yet, not) I am with its ending. Being a TyongF, I made sure to read a Taeyong story from your master list first, and you keyed in that it was a personal favorite of yours, so I went in. And I just want to inform you now that this may get long, so please bear with me here; I might get a little emotional than I intend to be. (TBC)

I'll still go straight to the point, though, and say how my old self can relate to Y/N so much. I relied on other people so much to bring me happiness, letting them have power over me and my happiness again and again and again. Until I just didn't. But I just want to give it to you how amazingly you portrayed Y/N in her unknowing of how Taeyong really feels. I personally thought as well that it may have been Y/N's naïvety that brought her to where she ended up, but that I cannot blame her at all

because God forbid we can't at least be hopeful for one last time that we're not going to be hurt again. And, personally, I loved that touch of reality you put in there. I loved how you portrayed Taeyong as someone who wasn't just some dickhead who played with Y/N. From my perspective of the story, he never really lead her on and never suggested being in love with her; it was most likely Y/N's naïvety and hopefulness that this one was better, was different. And, goodness, you did great on that.

The way it ended reminded me of caiuscassiuss' "Whiplash" (I loved that one too), and it was almost how you'd really expect such a story to end. I was almost expecting things to get fucked up in the end, and I was questioning how and why the hell Y/N would take Taeyong back if it were to because, fuck, that's messed up. And when it did fuck up, and Y/N was almost soulless after Taeyong, I had to applaud you. You certainly did not try and please the readers, and you were so raw with the emotions.

It was so strong of you to have been able to write such a sensitive and emotional piece such as this one. It isn't easy. I aim to write stories too, and I still am finding my own style to be able to place the right words in to capture the emotions. You certainly did well with "Perfidious," and I sure hope it becomes one of your most successful works, although it has already succeeded for me. I usually don't read stories with smuts, but you certainly didn't make it uncomfortable for me.

I just wanted to add too that I was listening to "Star Dust" by Ha Dong Qn on repeat while reading the story. It's a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics that I associate dearly with Taeyong, but I associate its melody with your story. The melancholic sound it has matches with the coldness that I feel for Y/N. It seems like a pain you don't want to bear, but the familiarity of it all makes you want to keep going back to it. That's how the story made me feel. And you worded it perfectly.

Ah, I feel like I said too much but never really got to grasp how it is that I feel about the story, but please know just how much it has affected me. It felt like a personal bond that I connected with you through the pain of it, and I am certain I'm not alone. The pain is familiar, and I just don't have enough words to say how much you painted much of my emotions from the past in eight thousand words. You're insane for this. And I love you for that. "Perfidious" is amazing. I give it a 9.5/10👍

Okay, I guess this is where I'll end this very long entry. I appreciate the story very much. I never liked angsty stories as they always managed to drag me to my past, but this one felt like that one small piece of memory I had, and it was hard to look away even though it hurt. I just hope now that you're doing okay too, and that you know just how perfectly worthy you are just as you are. I hope you love yourself as much as you love others. Thank you for your wonderful story. It was amazing.

wowowow the way im smiling like an utter FOOL right now anon thank you so so much for this amazing review! 

perfidious was the work i published for neowritingsnet’s mythology festival back in... early 2019 i believe? i wanted to make the work a modern parallel to books 3 and 4 of virgil’s ‘aeneid’, wherein aeneas has to leave dido to fulfill his destiny; i wanted to draw on how dido felt in the book (i don’t write about su*c*de, which is how the tale of dido and aeneas ends so instead i chose to end it the way i did). in fact, the definition of perfidious is ‘untrustworthy’, derived from the latin word ‘perfide’, used by dido to describe aeneas in the epic poem. 

one of the main reasons why this fic is so close to my heart is because the emotions that y/n feels at the end of the fic are entirely ones that i myself felt when i had my heart broken. it was painful and i felt like complete and utter shit for months and months; it was a vicious cycle of self-loathing that was so difficult to break. it did all work out in the end for me (either that or the pain numbed more and more until i can’t feel it), but i wanted to make it clear that y/n was so, so hurt by taeyong’s actions. 

i’m genuinely so, so glad you enjoyed it so much, this review means the absolute world to me. i hope you’re doing well!!!

[maknaesdancersrappers]

[1/3] i also want to critique devoted but nah i’m too scared people won’t see what i see hehe but here are some of my thoughts on the situation and the whole series so far. — after i read each chapter, i already have thoughts on what’s going to happen on the next only to be blown away because that was nOTHING that was on my head. — each one of the chapters is well written and they really put the reader on the edge of their seat. but not at the point where they think it’s not enough or ‘bitin’

[2/3] — i love how the readers connect with y/n in some way, i’ve read some of the comments in devoted and i see that some are similar to the thoughts in y/n’s head (me too). in the fic, y/n loves jae so dearly but she can’t help being afraid of the man who she should feel safe w. every time jae does smth, y/n (due to everything jaehyun put her through) has become more paranoid and anxious throughout the book. no offense but i thought y/n was going ro be cliche and weak but she proved me wrong.

[3/?] (i thought i’d last at three 😔) — jung jaehyun’s character is one of the most complexed personalities i’ve seen so far. he has a serious disorder (that shouldn’t be romanticized irl!) but in every chapter, he reels the reader into falling for him all over again even if we want to slap him so bad. — you are always in the edge of your seat. you can’t ever see what’s in his head or what he’s going to do next. his character is honestly one of the reasons why i took psychology 😔 (ps i quit)

[4/4] (serious this time) overall, this is a good read. everything blends in perfectly and falls into place. there’s nothing i’d change if i were the author. rj, your works are something else. have you ever tried- or thought of writing for a film or show? or publishing and book? honey, you have so much potential in this world and if you ever come out with a book i’m sure a lot of readers would love to see your writing bound in a one. i cannot wait to see what you come up with next 💗

-

thank you for this! i really like detailed reviews of my stories. im really glad people are starting to pick up little details of the fic. my biggest fear with devoted is that people would think im romanticizing obsession and such which i really dont!! i dont support that!!

ive mentioned before that i enjoyed my writing for tv elective, but took everything back when i took up writing for film (bc the prof was a terror prof and my anxiety is off the roof with him)

the only book ive thought about publishing is for children since my sister is a teacher and i thought i could market it with her. i don’t trust the philippine YA readers since (from what it looks like) they like wattpad novels??? and books from precious hearts romances (which i have no comment on adksldaj)

as for what i have coming up next, i might take some old fics from other fandoms and reuse them here!! my first priority during/after devoted would be a nice, lengthy Johnny fic uwu

thanks again!! i really appreciate that you took your time (and effort to send this through 4 asks) to reach out to me! <3

[artificialqueens]

Here I Go Again! (Group Fic) - Chapter One - pureCAMP

A/N - without further ado, here it is! i hope u enjoy it as much as i do because im the hugest mamma mia fan ever

Honey, Honey - I Have A Dream - Money, Money, Money 

One wedding. One husband. One mom. Three dads. Trixie held her breath and gazed out at the horizon. The way that the sun reflected off the sea water, creating idyllic crystals in the midst of their paradise, was something Trixie had always loved. As a little girl, she’d stare from her bedroom window at the glittering ocean until the sun sank beneath the waves, and she would be put to bed. She would never not love staring out until her eyesight went blurry.

  However, there was one thing she loved more, and that was when the gentle waves of the sea were interrupted by a boat carrying her two best friends. Stood at the dock, she bounced up and down, unable to control her excitement.

  “TRIXIEEEEE!” Naomi yelled first, descending from the boat with ease. Her long, slender legs carried her over the wobbling of the little boat and onto the wooden planks with all the grace of an aspiring supermodel. Kim wasn’t so lucky. She stumbled, almost falling in, but managed to regain her balance and land on the dock with a slightly louder thud. Both girls opened their arms instantly and crushed Trixie in a sweaty hug.

  It had been too long. Kim had been staying with her father and living away, whilst Naomi attended a girl’s school far off in Italy. Of course they’d kept in contact, but it was nothing in comparison to having her girls back again, in the flesh, under the baking Greek sun.

  “I’m so glad you’re here!” Trixie beamed, regarding her friends. “Everything’s been so crazy! Mom is gonna be so happy to see you! Although I’m sure she’ll start to stress even more now that guests are arriving.”

  Trixie’s mom, Sharon, was the definition of a workaholic. The moment she’d seen the ring, and Trixie’s huge smile, she’d taken the idea of a huge white wedding in her stride, as though it was something she did every day. Money was tight, and it added on a boatload of extra work, but she didn’t care.

  Naomi smiled. “I can’t believe little Trix is getting hitched! I can’t wait to meet your guy and all his hot friends.”

  Kim rolled her eyes. “You’re really thinking of your vagina right now? We’re here for Trixie’s wedding, not so you can flirt with some oiled up Greek dude!”

  “That’s what Trixie did, isn’t it?” Naomi shrugged. “Let me find one, too.”

  “Brian isn’t Greek.” Trixie told her, laughing. “He’s Russian-American.”

  Part of Trixie couldn’t believe it - she was getting married. Sure, she’d always believed it would happen someday. Most people did it. But to be the first out of her friends - both of them uniquely beautiful, their complexions darker and smoother than Trixie’s - it was incredible. At only twenty, somebody had seen past her red cheeks, her freckles, her dimples and her clumsiness, and fallen hard for her. Brian was a blessing.

  “Aw, you’re all lovesick! Your eyes are sparkling!” Naomi cooed.

  “Ew.” Kim shook her head. “Keep your oily Greeks away from me.”

  “That’s probably offensive.” Trixie said. “Hey, come on! Let’s get off this dock and actually catch up. So much is happening right now!”

  Beneath her feet, the white sand was soft and almost powder-like. Over the years, Trixie had gotten used to it, barely noticing the way it stretched around the perimeter of the island that encased her wonderful little home. Bright sunlight glazed overhead as she led the girls up the rocky path to the cliffside, her eyes fixed on the white buildings at the top, but she stopped short at the entrance to one of the small caves.

  When they were children, living on the island, Trixie often escaped from the hotel and taverna by skipping down the cliff face towards a little cave. It was perfectly safe, inhabited only by some of the island’s native flowers, and she’d proclaimed the three large rocks there to be her pirate ship, Naomi’s ship, and Kim’s. Years and years had been spent playing there, or gossiping as teens - anything it was needed for. Now, it was serving a different purpose. Hiding a secret.

  “Are we stopping for a rest break? Thank God.” Kim huffed, catching her breath against the steep edge of the cliff. “I don’t know how you do this everyday.”

  Trixie shook her head. “I have to, I live here. Now shush, I have something I need to tell you.”

  Naomi’s eyes widened. Kim’s jaw hit the floor.

  “I’m not pregnant!” She held her hands up, her skin blushing furiously. “God, it’s like I can read your minds! No babies here, no way. I’m way too young for that! It’s actually… about my dad.”

  As she’d expected, both girls looked confused. Kim inclined her head. “The dad you’ve never met and know nothing about?”

  Trixie sighed. “That’s the one. It’s just… with all this wedding stuff happening, I keep thinking about him. Everything is so traditional except the fact that I don’t have a dad to give me away at the beginning of the ceremony. I know mom can do it, but it isn’t the same.”

  Not having a dad hadn’t really had the hugest impact on Trixie’s life. At the end of the day, one fantastic parent was much better than two mediocre ones. Still, she’d always felt like a part of her identity was missing. She loved her mom dearly; she’d be forever indebted to her for everything she’d done for her. But often, she didn’t recognise herself in her mom. There had to be something more. Part of her she had to have gotten from her dad - the man she’d never met.

  “But how?” Naomi fretted. “I know you want the perfect wedding, but no one knows anything about your dad. There’s no way you’ll find him.”

  Tentatively, Trixie removed the book from beneath the rock she’d sat on. A shiver of excitement ran down her spine as she looked at it, even though she’d already examined it cover to cover. The tie-dyed front was old and withered, the pages curled with age. She leafed through it again carefully, acting like it was made of gold. If young Trixie had been a pirate, this was her treasure.

  “Well… Mom wrote about him in this - it’s the year she got pregnant with me. I found it when searching for some wedding decorations. I read it, and invited my dad.”

  Kim bit her lip. “Didn’t Sharon say your dad was long gone when she found out about you?”

  “Yes. And he was.” Trixie replied. “But she never said anything more. Claimed she forgot. I never knew if he was an islander, a long-term boyfriend, a summer romance, I didn’t even know his name!”

  “And now?” Naomi pressed.

  Trixie began to read aloud.

  July 17th Dear Diary, What a night. Justin thrills me in the BEST of ways. He has the most beautiful eyes. His hands are so strong. His arms are so muscular… I’m rambling. I can’t help it. Justin’s the one, I know he is. I’ve never felt like this before. He makes me feel so safe, so loved, so… You know. Tonight was the best night of all. I rowed him over to the little island again, and…

Naomi pulled a face. “And what?”

  Kim smacked her upside the head. “Naomi, you dumb bitch. If you were writing a diary about your sex life twenty years ago, you’d use dot dot dot. Keep up, please.”

  Dear Diary, WHAT. A. NIGHT. Justin is a fucking beast! I feel like I want to scream when he does his thing! He’s just oh-so-amazing! Every single night, we just…

  “Your mom really knew how to party.” Kim nodded, impressed. “So your dad is some unidentified guy named Justin. I’m sure there isn’t many Justin’s out there in the world. You’ll find him easy.”

  Trixie rolled her eyes so hard, she thought they might fall out. “I’m not done! It’s not that simple.”

  “Glad you caught on.” Kim murmured.

  “Not like that!” Trixie defended herself. “Just… there’s more.”

  Dear Diary, What a night. Justin’s a liar, a dirty cheating rotten liar and I never want to see his fucking face ever again. Engaged! Engaged! All this time, he’s been holding me in his arms, telling me he’s in love with me… and he’s engaged. He’s gone, and I’ll never see him again. Off to get married.

“Asshole.”

  “Cunt.”

  “But not, like, unheard of.” Naomi commented. “Some asshole dumped your mom for another woman. A stupid move, but that’s men for you.”

  Trixie grinned. “Keep listening! The plot thickens!”

  August 4th Dear Diary, What a night! Jaremi said to hell with my tiny sailboat, and rented a huge motorboat for the two of us! He’s so sweet. Every single part of me wants Justin to come back, but Jaremi… he’s so good to me. I couldn’t help it. It was late, we were happy… one thing led to another…

  “DOT DOT DOT!” Kim screeched gleefully. “Get it, Sharon!”

  “Shh!” Trixie smacked her arm, paranoid that someone would overhear. As overjoyed as she had been at her new discoveries, she couldn’t risk her mom finding out.

  “Okay. So Jaremi is your dad, then. Easy peasy?” Naomi stated uncertainly.

  Trixie shook her head, clutching the book to her chest and beginning to make her way up the rest of the cliff. Left with no choice, the girls followed, calling at her to slow down as she read on, still grinning.

  Dear Diary, Jaremi’s gone. Without a trace. Supposedly he sailed off in the night and now he could be fucking miles away. So much for a good guy.

August 13th Dear Diary, What a night! Willam is the funniest guy I think I’ve ever met. He sings so well, and we had so much fun on the guitar he bought for me. Not to mention he’s pretty cute, and well…

  “So which is your dad?”

  Trixie stopped in the middle of the open hotel courtyard, deftly hiding the book behind a plant pot and smiling nervously. “I… I don’t know.”

  Kim frowned, peering round the freshly-laundered bed sheets that hung on the rows of washing lines to try and see the diary. “Read on, then! Doesn’t Sharon say later on?”

  She shook her head. “I already read ahead.” She admitted. “When I first found it. The last entry is just the word ‘Pregnant’ in shaky handwriting. No dates, no names. I’m sure she knows, but I can’t ask her. Especially not now.”

  It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Everything seemed like a good idea at that time of night. When the sky turned inky black, and the moonlight created idly glittering circles on the waves, it was peaceful and perfect. It was the kind of night, the kind of atmosphere where nothing could go wrong. With high hopes and a gentle song, she’d posted three envelopes.

  Justin Honard.

Jaremi Carey.

Willam Belli.

  One of them had to respond. All three, well - that would be amazing. Trixie would find her dad, she’d be able to be given away by him… everything would fall perfectly into place. The way it should be. The piece of her that had always been missing would finally be filled. She clung to that hope with all she had.

  “Wait… which one did you invite, then?” Naomi asked.

  Trixie waited for them to catch up, her beaming smile something of a giveaway. Slowly, recognition dawned in both of her best friend’s eyes.

  “ALL THREE?!”

  “All three what?”

  In unison, Trixie, Naomi and Kim all jumped out of their skin, scrambling to face Sharon and attempting to not look guilty - a feat which made them all look incredibly guilty.

  “All three of us, together again! How… how awesome!” Kim fumbled. It was a bad lie, but it was the best they could do.

  Nevertheless, Sharon’s face broke into a smile. “You’re all so big now… go back to being babies! Stop getting older, it’s awful! Still, I’m glad you’re having fun. I used to have fun.”

  Trixie put her hands on her hips, raising her eyebrows humorously at her mom. There were definitely many undeniable similarities between the mother and daughter. Both of them had shining golden hair and bright blue eyes, although at almost forty, Sharon’s hair was streaked with bits of silver and lines had begun to surround her eyes. They shared the same mischievous smile, the only difference yet again being that Sharon’s held a few more summers of laughter and stress in the lines around it. Whilst Trixie’s fashion sense was girlish and pink, Sharon had to settle for practical, work-appropriate clothing in order to be the one-woman hotel staff committee that she had devoted her life to being.

  “You sure did have fun,” Naomi mumbled, earning a sharp kick and a yelp from Trixie. “Me and Kim, we’re going to, uh… unpack in our rooms. Bye!”

  Before she could get suspicious, a familiar voice rang out.

  “USED TO HAVE FUN?! SO WHAT ARE WE HERE FOR, TO BE FUCKING STATUES?!”

  Sharon grinned. “With you two, you’d be gargoyles! Get out here, you old crows.”

  Jinkx came strutting forwards first, fully decked out and prepared for the island’s weather in an enormous floppy sun-hat. Her tufts of ginger hair were visible against her forehead, and she squeezed Trixie tightly in her arms as soon as she saw her.

  “Aunty Jinkxy!”

  “Trixie Needles, you need to stop being so beautiful right now! It’s so lovely to see you, all grown up and ready to be a bride. I’m hoping to meet the mystery man soon!” She trilled, squeezing hard once again before releasing Trixie from her grasp to press a kiss to both of her cheeks.

  Raja came strolling through a moment after Jinkx, with the leisurely supermodel walk she seemed to have perfected. Her long, shapely legs were exposed through her wraparound skirt, and she was decked out in lavish jewellery. Her dark eyes glittered behind designer sunglasses, and her lips curved upwards into something of a smize.

  “Aunty Raja!”

  As usual, Raja’s hugs were less warm and soft than Jinkx’s, but she smelt of expensive perfume and clung tightly to Trixie before surveying her up and down.

  “I definitely wasn’t this beautiful at my first wedding. He’s a lucky guy!” She beamed, ruffling Trixie’s hair.

  Together, the three of them were an odd pairing. Jinkx was short, pale and utterly hilarious, with her screechy laugh and generally odd taste. Raja was tall, statuesque even, and loved anything and everything expensive and fashionable. Sharon was the only one of them to have children. There shouldn’t have been any correlation, anything obvious to link the three together - but Trixie knew from the diary that their youth had been filled with days spent with one another. It felt nice, knowing that other side of the women she’d grown up around.

  “Mom, have you seen Brian around?” Trixie asked. “I want to talk to him about something but goodness knows where he’s got to.”

  Sharon laughed, somewhat sarcastically. “He was doing ‘important stag do prep’ last time I saw him - studying cocktail recipes with Karl and the rest of the boys. Maybe he’ll be stumbling to the aisle tomorrow.”

  “I’m hurt that you think of me that way, Sharon.” A pair of warm hands came snaking around Trixie’s waist from behind, Brian’s familiar cologne being the giveaway. He kissed her forehead gently. “Krasavitsa, tell her I’m nice.”

  Last summer, Brian had arrived in Greece for a lad’s holiday that had gone wrong. Half the group fell out, some of them had gone home, and Brian had decided to kiss all his asshole buddies goodbye and vacation on his own. By chance and local recommendation, he jumped onto the bi-weekly boat trip that led tourists to the island. There, Trixie met him on the beach and hit it off with him instantly. The following spring, he’d proposed.

  He made Trixie’s heart do all kinds of flips and somersaults. By no means was he traditionally handsome, with his buzzed blonde hair and high cheekbones, but when he smiled and laughed, he revealed a goofy, warm-hearted persona that she’d fallen head over heels for. He was strange, eclectic - every word under the sun. Trixie had spent months howling with laughter at his odd little thoughts, his off comments, his mismatched attempts at flirting. She was sure they were meant to be. Fate had brought them together.

  “My little girl…” Sharon smiled wistfully, reaching out to twirl a lock of Trixie’s hair around her finger. “Back in my day, we sure didn’t get married at twenty. Remember those t-shirts we used to wear?”

  Trixie grinned. She loved it when her mom started to talk about the past, even just a little bit. She was always so fixed and focused on the day-to-day that the rare moments of talking about how things had once been had always interested Trixie.

  Raja chuckled. “Marriage is an institution-”

  “-For people who belong in an institution!” Sharon finished.

  “Handmade, too,” Jinkx winked at Trixie and Brian. “Scribbled on with pen. Mind you, I suppose your old mom has had to change her tune nowadays, eh?”

  Sharon blew a raspberry at her friend. “Old! Bah, you’re right. Anyway, on the topic of weddings, I have work to do! And so do you, Mr McCook - not stag prep! Get those lazy friends of yours back on track, and whilst you’re at it, make sure my bar staff aren’t handing out free drinks to the ladies again!”

  “Yes, ma’am!” Brian saluted like an army recruit, and kissed Trixie’s hand. Raja, Jinkx and Sharon began to disperse.

  This was her chance.

  “Brian, wait.” Trixie spoke softly. “I need to talk to you about something.”

  Instantly, all of Brian’s attention was focused on Trixie. His blue eyes searched her face, concerned but gentle. “Everything okay?

  “Yes, yes, I’m fine.” Trixie muttered. “It’s not me, it’s -”

  Out of the corner of her eye, Trixie spotted a small sailing boat on the horizon. After years of living on the island, she was quite well versed in timings - she knew it would arrive at the shore very soon. Normally, she wouldn’t have cared, but this was no ordinary boat.

  The sailing boats weren’t for hire, so whoever was sailing it had to own it. Typically, locals used them to get to and from the mainland when they felt like it, but this one had only three passengers, dressed in everyday clothing and holding suitcases as though they didn’t live nearby.

  Three men.

  Suitcases.

  Had they been ordinary tourists, they would’ve been arriving on the bi-weekly boat which was scheduled for four days time. The only reason anyone would’ve sailed to the island was if they had a specific reason that couldn’t wait, such as a wedding invite for the following day…

  Trixie’s heart leapt into her mouth.

  “It’s - It’s nothing.” She rushed out, her eyes widening. “Mom will want you to go do your duties, you know what she’s like. We can talk later. Bye!”

  Before she could run off, Brian twisted her around, meeting their lips in a sweet kiss. Under normal circumstances, Trixie would’ve melted into him, leaning against his chest for another few moments of peace before the continued wedding chaos, but not now. She needed to make sure that nobody - especially not her mom - found these three familiar strangers arriving at the island. All hell would break loose if she wasn’t careful.

  —

  Thankfully, she got to the dock just in the nick of time. The three men were just stepping off the boat and talking quietly amongst one another when Trixie caught them. For a moment, she just stared. They were each attractive in different ways and all around the same age. One of these men was her dad. There was just no way of telling which.

  “Perhaps this young lady will be able to help us… Hello there! We three strangers have been invited to a wedding by Sharon, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about what’s going on, would you? I’m Jaremi.” The tanned man spoke first, offering his hand for Trixie to shake. He wore glasses and an adventurous look about him.

  When Trixie spoke, she sounded breathless. “Yes, yes… Yes, we’re expecting you. You two must be Justin and Willam.”

  She directed her attention towards the other two men, both who smiled and differentiated themselves. Willam was blond and well-off, judging by his clothes. Justin was lankier, with dark hair and a handsome face.

  “Come with me, we have rooms for you. Well… one room. We’re a little tied up for space at the moment, with this wedding that’s happening.”

  As she made her back up from the dock, the three men following, she started to feel uneasy. What angle should she play here? Should she admit that she was Sharon’s daughter, and risk them knowing that they could potentially be her dad? Should she say that she was the one getting married, again risking her secret being exposed, or act as though it was someone else?

  Still, beneath her panic, hope fluttered in her chest like a butterfly escaping a chrysalis. Despite not knowing which one yet, she was in the presence of her dad. He was here, on the island, and going to be attending her wedding. Even though there would be carnage in the long run, Trixie was excited. This was her dream, materialized. She just had to do what felt right.

  “We’ll, uh, have to go round the back of everything.” Trixie told them, steering them out of any paths that her mom might’ve been on. “Everything’s a little hectic, so it’s easier that way.”

  “Seems fair. Is Sharon around?” Justin spoke up.

  Trixie froze a little, but quickly recovered. She clambered over the remains of a broken door, discarded in a little alley, and beckoned the three men to follow her round the back of the hotel. Luckily for her, the room that she’d preplanned wasn’t too far, tucked away at the back of the hotel. Three beds were already waiting.

  “Not at the moment, but I’m sure she will be.”

  With a winning smile, she opened the door to the room she’d prepared, closing it behind her once everybody was inside. She took a moment to inspect each of them properly, noticing the three of them doing the same to her.

  “Sorry if this seemed a little rushed… I’m Trixie.” She smiled sweetly.

  “You’re the girl getting married?” Willam asked.

  Trixie grinned, pointing at the ring on her finger. “Now, about this door - it gets a little stuck sometimes because it’s old, but if you just shove against it real hard-”

  “You’re Sharon’s daughter.” Justin said. It wasn’t a question.

  Left without a choice, Trixie nodded. Stay calm, she told herself. There was a good chance that none of them would realize why they’d been invited, at least not yet. She had time to come clean, confess and settle everything before the big day.

  “I knew you looked familiar. God, I bet she hasn’t aged a day.” He sounded wistful. “I know she’s busy, but can I see her? I want to thank her for this invite-”

  “No!” Trixie panicked, internally cursing herself as soon as the outburst came. “I… shit. Mom didn’t send the invitations to you, I did. She doesn’t know you’re here.”

  Three pairs of eyes stared at her - concerned, confused, amused. The truth was coming out a little sooner than Trixie had anticipated, but that was fine. She was crafty. As long as her mom didn’t find out until the very last second, it would all turn out okay.

  “Listen.” She whispered, drawing closer. “She’s been so stressed constantly about my wedding, so I felt bad and invited you guys to cheer her up. She talks about her friends from the past all the time, I thought she’d like it.”

  All three of her guests reacted slightly at the word ‘friends’. Perhaps that wasn’t right; it was clear from her mom’s diary that they had been so much more than that.

  Trixie took a deep breath and continued. “Just… if she sees you, don’t tell her you’re here for my wedding. Make something up, a happy coincidence that you’re here. Please. She’ll freak out at having unexpected guests, I just know it, but once she gets past the stress she’ll be so happy.”

  Justin sighed heavily. “I shouldn’t be here, I should go. Trixie, your mom hates me.”

  “Maybe she did, twenty years ago.” Trixie countered. “No one can hold a grudge, or any kind of feeling, for that long. You can’t just go! I want you at my wedding, all of you!”

  Slowly, surely, Jaremi and Willam began to laugh, coaxing Justin to join them. It was totally absurd, it really was. Trixie herself could see the bizarreness of the situation, and giggled along with them. It felt nice. Laughing with her dad - or at present, dads.

  Jaremi took his hat off and grinned. “You’re a firecracker, like your mom. He’ll stay, won’t you Justin?”

  Justin shook his head, smiling. “I suppose I have to. Seems like your mom’s taught you all her old tricks. There’s no way of getting out of this, is there?”

  Trixie beamed. “Nope! Remember what I said - lie, lie, and lie again. She can’t know I invited you, or that you’re here for the wedding. She’ll go insane.”

  The worry in her chest started to settle. Justin, Jaremi and Willam were amazingly sweet, and had agreed to cooperate and go along with a few white lies. Trixie was sure that in no time, she’d find out which one was her dad, and be able to have the perfect wedding with her dad walking her down the aisle to give her away. In an ideal world, maybe her mom would even make peace with her old flings, and revive some old friendships - but she knew not to hope for too much.

  “I need to get going…” Trixie murmured, feeling slightly regretful. She wanted to stay, to learn more about each of them. “Thank you so much for accepting those invites.”

  Justin snorted, but there was no malice in it. “It was always impossible to say no to your mother. Twenty years, and nothing’s changed.”

[madokasoratsugu]

living dead

[muhyo/enchu/yoichi/biko friendship fic]

summary: The little ways whereby Muhyo, Yoichi and Biko cope (or don't) with Enchu's departure.

a/n: deep sigh. i was Sad so i wrote this instead of working on an impt essay. my grades are dying. so am i. so is everyone’s heart in this fic LMAO. pls read and enjoy !! as usual read on ao3 if possible, thanks!

ao3 / ffnet

Brushing a hand across his forehead, Muhyo feels Enchu tremble with barely contained giggles as his fingers snap against his forehead, an epiphany of giggles of erupting from the pale haired boy.

Enchu’s skin is soft, unscarred. It turns red from the gentlest squeeze, bruises from the slightest push.

He is fragile, that much is clear; but Muhyo doesn’t realise how easily his gentle friend hurts until the town is burning around them, people’s screams fill the streets and Muhyo hears Enchu whisper “you took everything from me”, voice cracking and eyes glossed over with madness.

(madness or sorrow, blame or grief, lies or truth

i love you or i hate you

those whispered words, always whispered in such a shy voice as if the words were a secret only for muhyo’s ears, echo in muhyo’s mind every time he feels the weight of his executor’s book in his hand;

his mind wanders further and the words get louder when he finds an assistant with a smile that captures the essence of fragility his friend once wore like a cloak wrapped ‘round his lithe frame)

--------

“You’re lying, lying, Enchu, why, why, don’t-don’t go! Don’t do this Enchu!”

Yoichi’s pitiful screams seem to pass right by the boy in mention, who smiles mockingly down at the tear streaked face of his former friend.

The judge to be’s hands are shaking, fingers frozen around his pen and seals.

He hears footsteps behind him, knows them well enough to know it’s Muhyo’s, knows Enchu well enough to spot the flickering panic in the way his chest dips in a quick exhale.

Opening his mouth, Yoichi gives out one last strangled plea.

“Soratsugu…!”

(yoichi remembers the pale haired boy with his brilliant smile, remembers how the corners of enchu’s sky blue eyes would crinkle with amusement, remembers the way enchu’s thin arms had curled around his waist, remembers enchu’s soft sigh whenever yoichi buries his face in the crook of his neck.

yoichi remembers, treating enchu who looked like he would snap in half at the softest wind, like the finest of china.

most of all, yoichi remembers the sound of enchu’s soft laugh;

like chimes, long bidden sorrows, a tired song.)

--------

“You’ll get sick again if you eat too much.” Biko always half-heartedly chides, another steaming loaf already being brought to the table to be cut.

She knows better than anyone else, of his weak health, too breakable bones and tragic immune system; she’s their room’s unspoken for doctor, fingers calloused and scratched from herbs and artifact making, constantly smoothing down Enchu’s back as he heaves into the toilet bowl for the umpteenth time that day.

“I can never, not when you’ve baked it.” Enchu always laughs as a reply.

(then enchu takes rio away, the first(perhaps fourth) person to mean so dearly to biko she would gladly have traded an arm, an leg for her to be returned;

yet all biko can think is ‘who’s been accompanying you these cold nights in the lavatory nowadays enchu, you havent been taking care of yourself; look at the weight youve lost, im glad youre alive’

and she weeps for the boy whose heart was weaker than his body,

for the boy she would have traded her soul to be returned.)

--------

None ever talk about the white haired boy when they gather (if they gather).

They trade boisterous greetings, loud smiles, but never, never broach the subject of their once-friend emblazoned on every ‘wanted’ poster, every front page of every newspaper.

Not even when Biko cooks for four; not even when Yoichi turns to reach for a hand that isn’t there; not even when Muhyo leaves Biko’s house, leaves all that he knows and dearly loves, and doesn’t turn back for two whole years.

--------

When Enchu left, he took something from them.

They don’t know what it is, but they all know it left them hollow, desperate, maddeningly sad.

It’s a something that pushes Biko to practice artifact making late into the night, cutting herbs by the moonlight and fusing metal by day, until her spirit is as scratched and burnt as her hands are; but never her heart, no, never her heart.

It’s a something that made Yoichi give up two whole years of his youth to pour over data sheets and dated photographs, scrutinising grainy images and decoding unfamiliar jargon until he earns a detested title he never needed.

It’s a something that weighs on Muhyo like his executor’s cloak, something that he never allows himself to put aside, contracting every envoy he can get his hands on to become a person worthy of a title he swore he would polish until every living being regretted ever gifting it to him.

--------

They were interviewed just once, about what they thought of the fallen student, the magic law exile, the betrayer.

Nobody has ever found the transcript, tape, or interviewer.

--------

“Muhyo, we’ll try again tomorrow.”

Biko’s voice is quiet, her hands soothing as she rubs salve over his new burn.

Muhyo remains silent, wishing a snarky remark out his mouth, but his leaden tongue prevents him.

Yoichi sits slumped beside him, clearly exhausted from the tempering drain of envoy contracting.

Matching purple bruises rest under both their eyes, but both show refusal in the firm grip of pen and book.

Biko presses harder onto Muhyo’s skin. Muhyo flinches. Yoichi murmurs a joke about her poor skills as a doctor.

One of the four emperors of Hell is difficult to contract, but it’s necessary.

As necessary as the scars that embed itselves deep into the trio’s heart, with every failed attempt, with every lead becoming a dead end.

As necessary as the pain they condemn themselves to, in hopes that one day they’ll understand the pain they unknowingly forced upon the one dearest to them.

“We’ll try again tomorrow.” Biko says, much more firmly.

She screws the salve container shut, and drags a comforter from her bag. Draping it carefully over the duo, Biko leaves no room for refusal, no room for either to shake and cry and give up - not for them, not for herself.

“We’ll try again tomorrow.” Biko repeats.

Hearing the flat note in her voice, Yoichi pulls her down to rest beside him while Muhyo finally mumbles an agreement.

--------

Time is supposed to heal all wounds.

Time is supposed to help them move on.

Muhyo points out the irony once, quite literally. The belltower with a clock face has never been fixed since the night the town burnt, a pronounced crack running across it’s glass face.

The hands of the clock inside are cracked, splintered. But running mechanisms keep it ticking in place, forever trying to move forward but failing.

Seeing that, Muhyo had laughed for the first time since the night his world fell apart.

Hearing that, Yoichi held Muhyo’s hand a little tighter, while Biko pressed closer to Muhyo’s side.

--------

Enchu is fractured glass, muddy snow, wilted bellflowers.

Enchu is a thousand metaphors, and then more.

Enchu was someone who loved and loved and loved -

And tired of it.

When he appears like he disappeared, in a flurry of confetti adorning a smile too crooked to be genuine, all three remember what the association, the world, always forced them to forget.

Enchu isn’t a metaphor.

Soratusgu is a broken boy who lost too much, too fast, who hurt too easily and pushed himself to try even when he couldn’t.

Soratsugu is a beloved friend.

And they would never, ever, forget that.

--------

“When we can properly meet him again,” Biko starts, softly. Always the only one brave enough to broach the subject, to force them to confront and heal, no matter how broken and backwards their healing may be. “What do you want to say?”

Yoichi visibly settles, lips thinning in a small smile. “That’s a hard thing to pick from an entire bucket load i’ve saved, Biko. Maybe where have you been all this time, you ass?” Always the only one brave enough to say what he thinks, from fear that one day they’ll be gone too, because he said something too late, too little.

Muhyo snorts, taking a step back to distance himself from the hubbub of the inventory store. “As if we already don’t know.” He mutters, leaning heavily against Yoichi’s side. Always the only one mincing his crude words, hiding a softer, gentler side, too afraid of hurting and being hurt again; yet speaking up anyway, because what are words if not to communicate and love?

Yoichi laughs, in a way that makes Muhyo helplessly grin and Biko hide a smile in the curve of her elbow.

“That’s right, we do, don’t we?”

--------

There’s a strangled cry, an outstretched hand, an alarmed yell, and Enchu pummels into the demon carriage, carried by love and magic and the faith of three friends.

For the first time, in a long, long while, the trio watches Enchu let go of his breath, and cry.

Biko is wiping away his tears as fast as they fall. Yoichi cradles him to his chest. Muhyo is slumped against his front, half-conscious.

Still, all three manage to say one phrase lying on the tip of their tongues for two long, long, years.

“Welcome home, Enchu.”

There’s a hiccup, a strained but familiarly beautiful laugh.

“I’m back. I’m back. I’m home.”

And for the first time, in a long, long while, the world settles around Biko, Yoichi, and Muhyo, and everything feels like it will finally be alright.