#i love them but dear god PLEASE dont kill all those ppl

[kavennnn]

end of ch 32 oh god oh god oh fuck

[we-joyless-few]

Waking Up Again

[tagging @joyful-downer so u can see this!!]

summary:

Nick Lightbearer wakes up again, only instead of a pretty bird or his rat manager, it’s someone rather unexpected- someone… dangerous.

basically a Foggy Jack/Nick Lightbearer fic bc there r only TWO on AO3 and i am going insane

fic and warnings under readmore!

sorry it’s not longer ^^” i kinda ran out of steam for this one, but i have more Jack and Nick stuff in the works >:)

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things to expect:

-3rd POV

-dark content(WHF-typical)

-nsfw(mostly just suggestive stuff, questionably consensual though)

-alternative ending? i guess?

-hopefully not too OOC

-toxic relationship 🫣(>:3)

-more, probably

really hoping i dont let ppl down with this one [sweats nervously]

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Nick awoke with a start… again. His memories came in flashes that caused him to flinch slightly, mostly what happened to Virgil, but also other things done by Foggy Jack. God, why did he have to remember that?

Another thing he recalled was repeatedly waking up beside people who he didn’t remember being with. Honestly, it made him nervous to turn to his right, but his curiosity was eating away at him.

He peeked over to see a blonde-haired figure dressed in all black out of the corner of his eye, which seemed quite familiar… especially as the figure rolled over to face Nick. “Oh fuck,” Lightbearer whispered, scooting backwards until his back hit the juncture between his headboard and the wall.

“Good morning, dear friend,” Foggy Jack responded, his voice coming out soft. He sounded rather tired, but content. “Come back over here, Nick. I won’t bite.”

The musician shook his head fearfully, terrified of the man despite how little of a threat he posed at the moment. “You killed Virgil! Why would I even THINK to get all cozied up to you?!”

Jack chuckled and sat up with a yawn. “I’m not going to kill you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Nick scoffed. “I know I’ve been a selfish asshole, but I’m not worried about me.” His eyes darted around the room, trying to recall any other ways to abscond with himself besides his secret escape path. “Why do you like me so much anyway?”

“It’s… complicated.” Something in the killer’s tone was off; he sounded almost vulnerable. “I liked you long before I was- was this. Hell, I’d point out how your band was everyone’s favorite in my broadcasts!” He moved closer to Nick, making direct eye contact that left the rockstar feeling uncomfortable but unable to look away. “In reality, you were always my favorite. None of those idiotic, mindless, Joy-addled Wellies could EVER understand how I feel about you.”

The red-clad individual felt guilty for- well, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It was similar to the guilt he felt when he let his fans down, and the discomfort that came with pleasing them. Anxiously, he fidgeted with the lacy cuffs on his sleeves and averted his gaze. “I… see.”

“You are my one true love, Nick Lightbearer, and I want you to be mine.” Foggy Jack was just inches away from the other man’s face as he reached up to stroke Nick’s cheek. “I’m your biggest fan- always have been, always will be… Will you please, please give me this chance?”

The guilt was making Nick feel sick to his stomach. “I-“ His voice cracked, so he cleared his throat to try again. “I… guess we can try.” He couldn’t bring himself to sound any cheerier, not even as the other man sounded enthralled.

“Oh, thank you, Nick, truly, thank you!” Jack cheered, immediately wrapping his arms around Nick as he settled himself on top of the other, his head resting on Nick’s torso under his cravat. Not only was he comfortable, but he felt secure in knowing that his object of his affection wouldn’t be going anywhere.

Nick awkwardly placed one of his hands on Jack’s head, running his fingers through his surprisingly-silky hair. The repeat motion of basically petting the other was surprisingly relaxing, and it didn’t take too long for Nick to become more comfortable. His other hand eventually moved to Jack’s back, curiously feeling the soft-yet-sturdy fabric of his well-crafted suit beneath his fingers.

“I think, if we weren’t so famous in our separate mediums, we would have been together sooner,” Jack mused, his eyes closed as he comfortably rested on his beloved.

“Maybe,” Nick quietly replied, nodding a little. “Healthier, too, probably.”

“Hmm, yes, I think so as well.” A soft sigh left Jack’s lips. “But we’re together now, and that is what I believe matters.”

“I- Yeah…” The musician faltered slightly, but Jack didn’t seem to care. “Why do you hurt people?”

“The same reason you did: to get what I want, and reduce my own discomfort.” Jack curled up slightly, as if trying to make himself be as close to Nick in his position as possible. “But you’re doing better now, and, well, I have exactly what I want, so there is no need for me to continue gutting people in the streets, I’d say.”

‘Christ, that’s dark…’ Nick thought, looking at his new partner anxiously. “Y-yep! No need for more killings, I’m right here.” He tried to speak confidently and triumphantly, but in reality he sounded like he was panicking- which he was, but Jack didn’t have to know that.

A smirk pulled at the corners of the killer’s mouth as he heard the fear in Nick’s voice. “What if I did kill again? What would you do then?” he purred, moving further up to rest his head against the left side of his obsession’s chest.

“I-I don’t bloody know!” Nick stammered, his anxiety rising. He felt his cheeks redden from the pleased sound Foggy Jack made at the fearful pounding of his heart. “J-just… don’t kill any more people, please… For me?”

The slightly-shorter man chuckled softly and moved up higher once again, this time being face-to-face with Nick. “I cannot make any promises, my beloved.” Right as Nick was about to protest, Jack took off his mask, leaned in and pressed their mouths together, kissing the rockstar until Nick nearly passed out. “You need to learn to breathe if we’re going to do this.”

Lightbearer coughed and gasped as he desperately tried to reintroduce air into his lungs. “Y-you’re fucking mental,” he wheezed, taking off his own mask to cool down his face. A little sound of surprise left his lips as Jack began kissing his jaw and neck, leaving him an anxious, trembling mess. “J-Jack, you- ghhh-!”

“Hush now, Nicky,” Foggy Jack whispered, pressing more kisses along Nick’s jaw. “Just let me take care of you.” His nimble, skilled fingers drew invisible patterns across Nick’s chest, even tracing his name over his heart a few times. “Don’t be scared… Or, maybe do be afraid. I like seeing you so helpless beneath me.”

Nick whimpered as he lay there. Jack was right: he was helpless, and honestly… it turned him on a little. “L-listen, Jack, I- I’m getting really, uh, tired! Tired, yeah! Um… Maybe we could just… sleep together?” At Jack’s raise of his eyebrow, Nick squeaked and stammered, “N-not in that way! I mean- I mean, uh… You’re the big spoon..?”

A raucous laugh erupted from the propagandist’s chest, making Nick flinch. “Oh, silly boy… I can tell you’re not being fully honest with me, but I cannot pass up on an opportunity to sleep so close to you~” He moved off the other, but kept a close eye on him in case he tried to run.

The rockstar blushed and scooted down on the bed until his head was on the pillows again, rolling onto his side. “Come on, then,” he softly said, inviting Jack to lie down by patting the bed behind him. “Let’s rest.”

And with that, Jack wasted no time in embracing Nick from behind, resting his forehead against Nick’s back. Their height difference would almost be funny to Nick if Jack were anyone else, so instead of a laugh, he let out a sigh and shut his eyes.

“Goodnight, beloved,” Jack whispered, nuzzling his partner gently.

“…Goodnight, Jack,” Nick mumbled in reply, relaxing as best as he could.

End (for now) !!

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Tma season 2 notes baybeee

I made myself take several breaks so I could give my frie d who is listening to it at the same time as me a chance to catch up. Honestly just posting them so I have them saved somewhere but whatever.

ep 41: real graham wrote keep watching before he was replaced. Jon feels like he's being watched. But they werent replaced by things related to the eye. It's the web that's on the box that replaces them. Endless hallways and doors to nowhere. I bet nicholas will have ideas what entity this relates to. If it even does. They're like the tunnels in the one with the builder guy. Tunnels closing in etc. Also like the cave diving one. He's assuming it's just one

ep 42: so 100 gecs? (IM SORRY I LIKE 100 GECS BUT LMAO) so there's some entity related to music right? There's the piper episode and the 27 w/ the calliope. Ah yes, this season is gonna be the season of Paranoid!Jon

ep 43: section 31? fucking books. god no. smashed lights? cult lady did that. covered the lights too. she mentioned a spooky clown doll. thats not random.

ep 44: is this that same circus that got mentioned before? it is! the pipe organ! pop off organ! pipe off! mouth on the stomach! yes! mouths in unusual places my beloved!

ep 45: antiques! like that one ep!

ep 46: every time books get mentioned i sigh. hhh sus smells. it got brighter. I get the vibes occasionally that the dark and the eye are sorta at odds with eachother. GRRR BARK BARK LEITNER. ayyy ex altiora. entity go brr. which entity do we thing it is? my guess is The Dark. The book buyer's name is Mike. He has scars? Electricity? The childhood friend of the guy who got it later on perhaps? The Vast? its formatted like an entity idk. This happened before the other one. He got trapped in the wood carving. a win for the web lol spiders go brr

ep 47: did i hear spiral? ITS THE NOT THING FROM THE EPISODE WITH NOT GRAHAM "it didnt move, it shifted" is like the exact same sentence as before. ay john's starting to remember. the laughing woah thats weird. is "michael" one of the entities? "you make it seem like theres a war" supports my theory that theres a struggle between a couple of the entities. I said i thought it was the eye and the dark i believe but im not sure. its whatever entity michael is vs the worms? what did nicholas say the worms were again? The Corruption? still dont know which one michael is tho.

Had to take a break after that episode. smth about the quality of michael's voice makes me feel like im gonna slip into one of those states where it feels like nothing is real, so i got a nice cold glass of water.

ep 48: jesus ok this one's kidna corny. you're telling me love made the crowd go away come on now. Ur losing it big J. also shouldnt it be more sus that "sasha" is so unaffected by the worm incident/ finding of gertrude's body

ep 49: haven't we heard hector's name before? oh is he the crime guy? fucking jared... so it's a throat? chompa chompa. (it's just a little bit hot) the good part about these episodes is that we know whoever's telling the story isn't gonna die. even if it's a close call, they're not dead. hotworth? ok not jared keay. it bothers me how theres so many repeated names, can they not come up with other names? "sasha"'s computer is breaking... sus. Elias our favorite weed man! jon ur so paranoid lmao

ep 50: robert smirk, at it again. this is like that one episode with the old dude who locked his door. who said idle beforehand? was it smirk? fingertips. thats so weird lmao. bahahah tim

ep 51: simon fairchild. im sure jon will mention the name at the end i cant remember where we've heard it. this is just like the cavediving episode. a hand? there was a hand in the last one right? the scalpel! and an eye thing. she's trying to throw them off.

ep 52: thats the guy from before! with the hearts! god i hate this guy writing the statement hh. lights blowing, and brackish water. we know how this ends but its still tense. rainer? reigner? rain man. we've seen him before

ep 53: pls not a leitner. oh boy mans scratched out his eyes. rip skelly. why would gertrude have had this statement off the books? jon stabbed himself?? bruh im? big man are you okay

ep 54: cockney boys! ayy its our favorite delivery men. she cut out their eyes. she knew that the eye was a thing?

ep 55: oily residue like the retirement home!

ep 56: worms? no. spiders?? bruhh. aaah yelling :(( aww martin anyways yeah i called it about paranoid!jon he needs to take a nap and drink some hot chocolate and calm down for once please

ep 57: just remembered, i think theres an entity called The Lonely?? This feels pretty lonely idk. fairchild, lukas/ lucas, some spooky place in norway idk. "sasha" knew he was recordinig hmm suspicious cmon jon figure it out. Sasha and tom. hm sus. for records sake i feel liek i should note here that I did have it spoiled to me simply that that's not sasha, but thats really all. i assumed it was like the thing that happened to graham in S1

ep 58: i feel like i recognize the name eustice (?) wick. someone please tell me im not just watching jon's descent into madness over the course of this podcast. im hoping it isnt so but, (and pardon the dsmp reference) im getting real wilbur vibes from this one.

ep 59: oh dear ok account from the fielding house. swirling designs? Spiral time? oh boyy. oh wait! 6 inch hole in the middle! is it not a spiderweb type design on the table? thats what i had assumed but that description sounds more like a spiral thing. cobwebs is a Web thing. ayy nicholas was right! the box goes in the table! the place that she kissed him was burning. Raymond is an avatar of The Web and agnes is the burning one. Lightless Flame! Why did she save him? i guess she was against this guy eating ppl or wtvr but why was she at the halfway house then? I think she's like michael.

ep 60: the eye go brr

ep 61: breacon and hope once again. tom. sasha's boyfriend. vampires sleep in coffins. the guy just walking in seems similar to the mind control of the vampires

ep 62: bones! its that one leitner. is this mother keay? the mom of gerard? this is what happened to her right? her skin was found on hooks? oh yeah thats what i thought the pages are made of skin. yeesh. The End!! sounds like an entity. phrased like one, and i think i remember it. are the people trapped in the pages? or... kept?

ep 63: eaten by the darkness! cavediving episode! (just like eaten by the sky) did my brain make up one called The Vast? it feels like it should be one, and all these episodes have some similar description about their feelings when they do whatever chosen hobby they have. ok now this one kinda feels like the dark. lights going out and all that. ok so not really a The Vast thing, its more of a Dark thing. feckin smirk gah.

ep 64: dice! the death guy! the death game thing! the person tricked somebody else into becoming death and then they were immortal? but if the egyptians wanted to kill him or punish him or whatever couldnt they just kill him? it worked in the end when he had the person giving the statement stab him, that did the job and actually killed him

ep 65: finally jon is actually acknowledging something is wrong.

So we know Mary Keay was revived most likely with the book by gerard.

Gertrude was way more aware of the entities than Jon. mary keay referenced The End openly and she cut the eyes out of her magazines and all that which makes me think she was aware of The Eye

ep 66: please not buried alive pleeaase not buried alive. lukas of the tundra? didnt we hear the name lukas before? she wanted it to be difficult to find important files because that way bad people couldnt find them?

ep 67: agnes... the girl in the hilltop house? agnes poppin off!! he's really not gonna question how she knew where he lived?? oh no D: the tree. were they the ones working on the house? aww they kissi- OH DEAR. why did she kiss him? it seemed like she cared about him? also she could kiss that other dude on the cheek and he was fine, but maybe it was cuz she was younger? lightless flame go brrrrr.

ep 68: oh god books. yup its bitchboy leitner. mans said "this seems supernatural, its a werd book!" bruuh.

ep 69: heh nice. aw cmon jon listen to martin. gahhh spiders. is that the class we heard about in the other doctor one with the teeth apple? some kind of psych class? oh dear. fucking spiders. aaaah. web do be goin brr. it's like the girl in the homeless shelter! who made the guy leave and she took his bed.

ep 70: is this gonna be the book that mary keay had? Most likely a leitner no matter what. Oh boy latin. Why did it start in latin then become old English? I'm guessing people put them in the book? He cant burn it. Phrophecies go brr. He says eh it's a decade in the future it's fine. Its gonna have changed. Ayy called it. Just accept it, it's a magic book. His death is getting closer. Leitner didnt make them but just collected them? Gertrude burned the book! She burned them down there so no one would know.

ep 71: oh boy tunnels. Our favorite thing /s. is The Buried a thing? Idk this seems pretty buried. Oh dear he's trapped here isnt he. "Not enough space to move, never enough to breathe" is that from the computer episode? With the guy who uploaded his consciousness? Somebody living down there. Hmmmm. Guesses: tom, sasha's boyfriend. Gertrude herself? (Though I doubt it)

ep 72: sweeney todd moment. Meat. The slaughter? Idk we'll see what the supernatural part is. Meat is meat. Similar to the slaughterhouse episode. Is it fucking Jared I swear to God it better not be. Hooligan teenagers, you know how it is. Meat is me lmao. Is the kid gonna be in the freezer. Ok that's good. OWW. Oddly textured candles. Made from people? Human fat or smth? Tom from the meat processing plant!

ep 73: outer bay shipping. Bet it's a subset of breacon and hope delivery. The Dark go brrr. Uh oh mans is gonna die. Leo or whatever. Cult ppl go brr. The people's church of the divine host. Who is the divine host? Is it reigner or whatever his name is? I dont think Jon can quit tbh. Probably an anonymous tip but from who?? One of the entities?

ep 74: fucking teeth hhh. I dont know which entity is related to teeth. Spiral. Isnt the spiral an entity. It feels like it could be related to many things idk. Yeah this sounds like the spiral. Heart attack at 29? Jesus... michael! That's kinda what I was thinking. Sasha goin in the tunnels. Hmm sus. They move the floor. Wack. Bet its tom.

ep 75: Man with a lightning scar. Has one of the leitner books. The childhood friend of the one who first introduced us to leitner. Oh my god that sounds terrifying. Michael crew.

ep 76: scalpel? Hmm spooky. NotSasha... think jon think.

ep 77: another double! NotThem, The Stranger. Not related to the table?

ep 78: what was that at the beginning? Question mark?? Oh boy more NotThem. Decker... what is the deal with the table. Does it contain the creature? Fucking Michael. Bitchboi himself.

ep 79: yes pop off martin. Ugh fucking Michael just leave man. I hate that dude. New person. Hmm. No idea who it is.

ep 80: shitener himself! Ok sir tell us the entities. Ayy The Spiral. Ok we know what that one is. The Eye is the beholding! Oooh. The Stranger. Did elias just kill leitner? Popping off honestly.

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTER LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 5

oh dear

Though she’d had time to slip back into her shoes and soothe away the immediate pain of Emerald’s silence, the journey here had left her no less raw, a persistent frown curling her lips.

i said this last time but i’m still really enjoying the cinder narration we’re getting in the remaster... i also know it’s what really will be the final nail in my coffin, but c’est la vie.

of course it means we get 2 see this sadder cinder and i! dont like it AAAAAAAA!! i preferred it when we had no idea what her motives were so then Me Caring About This Round Child could be delayed but now we’re in full force i-love-cinder territory!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLEASE....

i literally googled maikoa’s name JUST IN CASE SOME BUGGERY WAS GOING ON but i think we’re safe. no hidden double meanings. no secrets....

Her lips pinched together, watching a Faunus with broken antlers lower his head to avoid Maikoa’s gaze, others with similar signs of abuse doing the same. It was a familiar move, one she recognized intimately.

i BEG to be free of this depression!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD. GOD I DO NOT LIKE THIS PART!!!!!! and what do u mean recognised intimately hello??????

Golden eyes scanned the streets, the Faunus all turning their heads away as her gaze fell over them. Most were older than Maikoa. Others were children, their horns and fangs still growing in.

im sad now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SAD,

Pristine steps rose to a porch lined with pots of Angel’s Trumpets, and Cinder’s smile thinned. It almost looked cozy.

NEVER FUCKING MIND WHAT I SAID ABT HIS NAME I WAS WRONG,

“Do you often question your superiors?” Cinder asked.

[...]

But even without the slow shake of his head, Cinder already knew the answer to her own question. There were too few scars to be seen on Maikoa to indicate he had ever refused an order from the White Fang.

theres like.... HISTORY HERE...... and im SO UNBEARABLY CURIOUS as to what it IS. like. im tryna figure out. if her superiority over him stems from her dealing w. the fang, or if. shes actually been. a LOT closer than we know. cinder’s history is SO muddied and even though i know we’ll discover some of it im endlessly curious because I Know Some Other Shit that makes me WONDER.................... is there more to this....

Cinder blinked down at the key, not missing the way her title was tacked on as an afterthought. That same heat from before pooled in her cavernous ribcage. Violence collected at her twitching fingers, old scars across her body flaring with phantom pain.

That old itch again, like every wound rubbed raw.

THERE’S SOMETHING MORE HERE AND I JUST HAVE TO KNOW WHAT PLEASE I WANT TO K N O W

like the interactions w/ cinder and the fang are so specific and im like. i just. whats going on. WHATS HAPPENING. HEWWO????????? am i misreading it.... maybe..... but also...... hm,

“Tell me, Maikoa, do you think Sienna Khan would care if I killed you right now?”

i never said i would write cinder/sienna fic but hey if you put a gun to my head i certainly wouldn’t say NO.....

Around them, the Faunus that had been sheltering close to doorways and alleys had begun to take notice of what was happening. They stood watching openly, their ears all pricked and swiveled towards the scene.

you know what im gonna say it. cinder is just. GOD. she thinks of herself as powered by that sorta burning spite??? that she works for HER MACHINATIONS and boots ppl up the ass if she feels like it but. i just. shes like ‘im not gonna care!!! gonna do my thing and not give a shit’ but she gives so many shits. every day, new shit, and she’s giving it out like she’s at a soup kitchen. of shit. and i LOVE IT GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cinder ‘i have never cared’ fall is actually cinder ‘i have ALWAYS cared ALWAYS’ fall and i BELIEVE IN THIS because u kno. u kno that rly. a lil piece of her aint gonna give her the satisfaction of being a stone cold bitch!!!!!!!!

Cinder had made arrangements with the White Fang’s leader herself, and Sienna Khan wasn’t known for a bleeding heart.

NEVER SAID I’D WRITE IT BUT I NEVER SAID I WOULDN’T WRITE THE CINDER/SIENNA FIC,

On the edges of her peripherals, Cinder saw the people stepping closer, their attention rapturous. It occurred to her that they probably viewed her as a savior, someone to break the shackles of their enslavement to the White Fang. Someone altruistic. Someone not motivated entirely by spite.

They didn’t know her.

The White Fang would send another overseer—they always did—and by that time, the white-hot resentment licking at the inside of her ribcage would have exhausted, her own plans taking her far away. There would be another overseer, the inhabitants would resume their harried lives, and Cinder wouldn’t spare this town a second thought.

Besides, a nagging part of her insisted, this town would probably not survive the coming days.

but theyre ON HER MIND.... IS..... THE THING..... like out of all we’ve seen of her narration so farm she DOES think abt it she IS aware of it and she DOES recognise it and all of this is just her. trying to say to herself ‘you dont care this isnt yr business’ but i just. MMMMMM ITS A LIE. SHES LYIN. and because of [SPOILERS WO~AH] im like. bitch. bitch,

okay moving on from vague cinder feels but i AM right i WONT BE SWAYED,

FROM THE CINDER, TO THE GLYNDA...

She didn’t stop, continuing on with scarcely a moment’s respite, her body drawn by the increasing tug of Cinder’s location.

👈😎👈

And she found, though she’d only hunted Grimm in the past, the trail Cinder left was similar enough, black smoke hanging in the air like a veil.

👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈😎👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈

okay honestly if i keep grabbing bits the rest of this will become a huge emojifest but there’s. there’s a lot of Hints being dropped. just So Many. LIKE JUST A LOT LIKE. 

im rly loving the deserts clashes tho we get some Peak Cinder and Peak Hunter Glynda too its all very 👌👌👌💦

In her soft Beacon years, she had forgotten how a hunt made unnecessary things wilt and die to make room for stronger senses, and even forgotten how to use those stronger senses. Now, it was as if she had never lost them. Her blood didn’t just sing to her now; it roared like the engine of a great machine, and the prickle in her flesh at Cinder’s presence was like needles.

a few things abt this passage:

ONE. i rly like that shift to ‘soft beacon years’, because i think that rly draws a line in the sand (hoho) from glynda ‘i gotta protect beacon its my home i belong here’ goodwitch to the current glynda ‘cinder is my goal beacon is behind me right here right now she is my one focus’ goodwitch. this hyperfocus is, firstly, a mood, and also just a rly good character tidbit we stan this autistic bitch,

TWO: 👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈😎👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈 fuck off!!!!!!!! FUCK OFF GOD THAT BIT IS BRAZEN

She had been young then, yet to learn or respect the emotions people expected from her.

WE STAN ONE AUTISTIC BITCH!!!!

For the first time since she’d fully committed herself to the hunt, Glynda felt the prick of displacement. A small, distant part of her wanted to go home.

i cant wait to publish the bingo card i made JUST for offal hunt because rn that shit would be pretty chockablock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A few minutes later, her Scroll buzzed again. Ozpin passed her the details for a secure communication channel to an Atlesian address, belonging to one Special Operative Winter Schnee.

YES HERE SHE COMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE APPROACHES,

okay so THAT’S CHAPTER 5 DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

honestly this one really WAS OUT TO HURT ME and i Hated Every Second but i still am out here knowin Cinder Lies To Herself Most Of All and also Glynda Is One Big Old Dumbass,

thank god winter will maybe salvage this probably maybe not

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 19.09.17 lb

god, back to the mysterious kaagaz. fucking tell us already. 😒😒😒

shakti seems all cavalier about this, but dadi is fuh-reaking out. which of course means it’s gonna come out in a horrible fucking way and phelofy raita. 😖😖😖

oh great. it’s related to both billu and anika? PLEASE GOD DON’T TELL ME THEY’RE LIKE... RELATED OR SOME SHIT. PLEASE. THIS IS GULNEET, I PUT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING PAST THEM, NOT EVEN INCEST. 😟😟😟😟😟😟

please lord, let it just be the normal thing - the oberois murdered anika’s family or some shit. yes, that’s NORMAL for this show. 😣😣😣

billu ka OMG SECRET AGAINST ME radar is extra sharp after all the shit that’s gone down. try to even plan a secret birthday party for him? not gonna happen. the man is going to be just that heckin’ paranoid. 😐😐😐

dadi lying through her damn teeth like a pro. 😊😊😊

omfg, he just made sadface and was like “jaake intezaar karta hoon uska.” JESUS CHRIST BILLU, GET A DAMN HOBBY. MAKE A TUMBLR. REBLOG SOME MEMES AND PICS OF CATS. GET A DAMN LIFE YOU FREAK. 😕😕😕😕😕

but lord, it’s also kinda adorable. 💖💖💖

*does tilak and feeds gauri dahi shakkar* 

man what ghazab confidence this girl has, straight away introducing herself. i’ve been at my workplace for over 5 months now, and there’s people i see everyday and smile at, but don’t know names of. and now it’s too damn embarrassing to ask. 😕😕😕

aw, uncleji wants to learn english to talk to his bahu! 😌😌😌

oh great. a smart aleck teacher. already side eye-ing him. 😑😑😑

gauri kumariiiii sssarma’s looking kinda star struck and impressed by this idealist teacher dude. gosh i hope spoilers of a jealousy track are true, coz i would fucking love to see om jelly of this guy. hee hee hee. 😊😊😊

god i really don’t get why they make gauri all awkward about handshakes????? 😒😒😒

billu is chehak-ing coz wifey is back todayyyyy! 😚😚😚

OMFG HIS SHEEPISH GRIN MY GOD THIS MAN IS TOO FUCKING ADORABLE IT’S MAKING MY TEETH HURTTTTTT 😫😫😫😫😫

wifey is strong independent woman who don’t need no man and is back all by herself. tough luck to billu who might have been looking forward to maarofying chance in the car. 😝😝😝

GOD I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE HER BACK PLEASE SURBHI DON’T EVER LEAVE US LIKE THIS AGAIN UNLESS THERE’S A BANK OF EPISODES PLEASE THIS SHOW IS UNBEARABLE WITHOUT YOU LIFE ITSELF IS UNBEARABLE WITHOUT YOU I WILL NEVER LET YOU GO *clings to her leg* 😭😭😭😭😭😭

lololololol a simple question and she’s biting his head off. she’s still hellllla mad. 😂😂😂

HAHAHAHAHAHAH THANK YOUUUUUUUUU 🤣🤣🤣🤣

“jaise hawa mein aapke helicoptor udte hai waise roadon pe humare liye busein bhi chalti hai.” 

THE SNARK IS STRONG. 😆😆😆

“araaam se aana dadi!”

pffffffffffffffffffffft 😂😂😂

lmao anika ne toh thank you ka jaaaaap hi kar rakha jaise koi mantra ho. 

billu is suggesting they go to the roommmmm. 😏😏😏

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO HER FACE 

the slightest touch and the tharak is on! look at their bodies just gravitating to each otherrrrrrrrrr! holy shit, just baaaaaang already! 😯😯😯😯

i think anika’s maaarofying current these days like devrani used to. billu’s staring at his hand all perplexed. 😌😌😌

“thank you kehkar bohut badi galti kar di maine. nahi, PAAP HO GAYA MUJHSE!”

snort. you know what they say billu, hell hath no fury... 

dadi looks pareshaan af. 

oh great, anika’s going to take this on her head? 😟😟😟

oh thank god, she’s delegating to shivaay. good. 😌😌😌

billu’s here for round 2, but anika bohut hi gambhir mood mein. awaiiii. 🙄🙄🙄

this angst is so fucking random and unnecessary????????????// 🤔🤔🤔

billu’s been guilteddddd. 😐😐😐

LOL OM IS LOSING IT AND I AM FUCKING LOVING IT 😂😂😂😂

i fucking love kunal’s panic waala acting, like during the baby track

HAHAHAHAHA HIM RUNNING AWAY FROM THE DOOR PRETENDING LIKE HE WASN’T STANDING THERE WAITING FOR HER ALL THIS WHILE OMFG WHAT AN ADORABLE DORK 🤣🤣🤣🤣

yeah this asshole has gotten too complacent about her life revolving around him and needs to be knocked two or three pegs down. this is perfect opportunity. 😊😊😊

lol such ~subtle questioninggggg. 😋😋😋

awwwwww, he was waiting for her to eatttttt. 😯😯😯

it’s ok. ek din nahi khaaya toh kuch nahi hoga. suffer a little for being a dick. 🙃🙃🙃

still love you though, boo.  *pats his hair* 😘😘😘

OMFG THIS BILLU HAS GONE MAD. HE’S DEMANDING DADI INVENT A FUNCTION SO HE CAN MAKE ANIKA FEEL SPECIAL. MATLAB, HADH HAI YAAR. 😒😒😒

ALL THIS IS SO FUCKING UNNECESSARY, JUST FUCKING TELL HER YOU LOVE HER. MY GOD WHAT EVEN IS YOUR FUCKING LIFE, SHIVAAY? 😐😐😐

i blame his damn family for indulging him like this. my fam would just be like fuck off, we can’t be wasting time like this to validate your every whim and fancy. think of something yourself. spoiltass brat. 🙄🙄🙄

what’s anika so SMILEYYYYY AND CRYING about??? 🤔🤔🤔

god she looks so fucking pretty. i want to cap every frame, she’s that gorgeous. 😍😍😍😍

are those the papers billu tried to write her a letter on? she’s this happy just seeing “dear anika” written a buncha times? 🤔🤔🤔

but they look like some legal papers though?

billu be like hein? abhi tak maine kuch kiya bhi nahi? 

OHHHHH IT’S THE SAHIL KE CUSTODY PAPERS. SILLY TT. *FACEPALM* 😯😯😯😯😯😯😯

LOL GENUINE THANK YOU THA BILLU. DON’T LOOK SO SAD. 😄😄😄

lol he’s freaking out at her tears, as usual. 

aw, he’s remorseful that he can’t say what she wants to hear. “main koshish kar raha hoon, lekin atak jaata hai...” 

“jaanti hoon aapko waqt lagega, lekin please, thank you mat bolna, please.” 

an unofficial thank you ban has been instated. 😆😆😆😆

“what you said, it meant the world to me.” 

LOOK AT THIS SAD PUPPY WHO IS UNABLE TO SAY THE WORDS HE WANTS TO NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE TRIES 💘💘💘💘

she’s oh babe. tumse nahi hoga. stahp. 

ok crying a little lot. because like i said in my very first analysis post, she’s never really needed the words from him. he’s been showing her through actions that he loves her from waaay back. and she’s understood. right from then. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“YOU A DAMN BHEEGI BILLI”

his faaaaaaaaaaaaaaace. oh my godddddd. i love this idiot so much. 

GIRLFRIEND PUTTING THE MOVES ON HIM AGAIN SHE’S PUTTING THE MOVES ON HIM AGAIN THIS IS NOT A DRILL OMFG ALL MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE I CAN DIE HAPPY LORD 😫😫😫😫😫

OMG SHE TOLD HIM AGAIN AND BILLU LOOKS LIKE HE’S BEEN HIT BY A FRYING PAN OVER HIS HEAD ALL THAT’S MISSING ARE CARTOON STARS AND BIRDS ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

sister here knows exaaaaactly what she’s doing to her husband. look at that smug grin. 😏😏😏😏

lol she’s waiting for another thank you! 😆😆😆

nope. not making that mistake again! 😎😎😎

left standing there with that same dopey smile! 😊😊😊

aw, he’s vowing to tell her anyway. you go billu!!!! 😘😘😘

svetlana’s showing jhanvi exactly why tej is being so cooperative. 

lovinggggggggg jhanvi’s shock. coz she’s such a dumbassss. honestly, she’s not even worthy of being svetlana’s foe. my girl be living in 3008, while you losers are living in two thousand late. 🙄🙄🙄

omki’s wifey is missing againnnnn. 🙃🙃🙃

great pinky is here to taang adaofy again. 😑😑😑

same, omki. #same.

what joy does this woman get from fucking with these kids’ marriages? does she have some kinda jocasta complex or what? coz i realllllllly don’t get it. 😣😣😣

god bless omkara and his sweet sassy smile while telling pinky that this is not a big deal. i’d just be like fuck off satan. 😒😒😒

god, yeh do - to - go dialogue chupke chupke se nahi churaya gaya? 🤔🤔🤔

why’s this teacher dude’s shirt open to like, the third button? it’s making me uncomfortable. 😖😖😖

ooooooooooooh gauri’s stuck hereee. 😯😯😯

“yeh mera badappan hai jo tum aise free ghoom rahi ho.” lmao i love svetlana so much 🤣🤣🤣

god queen, just kill her dumb ass. 😒😒😒

ughhhhhhhhhhhh. this garbaaaaage. 

PAINTING? WHAT PAINTING? PHIR MURTI KO KYUN DEKH RAHI THI??? 😧😧😧😧

HA. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS, FUCK HER UP SVETTTTY. 😈😈😈

is this painting nonsense going to be supernatural too? like she travels through alternate planes using the painting or some shit, like the principals in harry potter? 😩😩😩😩

omfg she blew a kiss. i’m in loooooooooove. 😍😍😍😍😍

oh greattttt, allllll these idiots are on this case again. that too standing in the middle of the fucking house and talking about it louuuuuuudly. this is exactly why villains are able to fuck you idiots up. 😒😒😒😒

om looks least bit interested in all this. he’s just here coz shivika are, and the wife isn’t home to stare/passive aggressively banter with. 😆😆😆

oh, that got their attention. 

do you even know WHICH PAINTING? 😐😐😐

omkara exhibiting that his art degree is very much useful, thanks very much. STEM IS NOT EVERYTHING OK, DESIS????????/ 😒😒😒😒

WAIT THESE PPL ARE SO FUCKING RICH AND THEY HAVE AN ENLARGED PHOTOCOPY OF A PAINTING HANGING IN THEIR HOUSE? 😐😐😐

haaaaaye my handsome boys. 😍😍😍 

oh, svetlana replaced the painting. 

ok who the FUCK is this fucking white fucker IN INDIA who doesn’t know what fucking chai is? 😒😒😒😒

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS TEACHER, WHY IS HE SUCH A LOSER? 😤😤😤

yes, i know what he’s doing. he’s forcing them to interact with this white asshole in english. but matlab, hadh hoti hai unconventational teaching methods ki. 🙄🙄🙄

ok bade bhaiyya is soooooooo fucking team Gauri that he’s just not even trying with omkara anymore. which ok, i love and all, but come on shivaay, you gave fucking rudra alllll that advice on his BS relationship, and you’re not even making an attempt with om???? 😣😣😣

chubby’s had enough of this BS. ladki toh chod ke chali gayi, raita phailaaake, sametna is bechaare ko pad raha hai. 😪😪😪

lol are rudra/chubby the couple for today? i am fucking lovingggg it. 😊😊😊

literally no one is interested in being here other than shivaay and anika. ugh these new couples and their enthusiasm. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

look at this poor anxious munchkin. 😚😚😚

.... has surbhi gotten extra golden on her vacay, or is nakuul not wearing his makeup today?? he’s looking reaaaaaallly pale compared to her in this scene. 😐😐😐

even anika’s like god knows what new plan you and dadi have made up to embarrass me publicly now. billu’s like wait and waaatch, jaaneman.  😏😏😏😏😏

great, passive aggressive sniping from pinky and shakti. LITERALLY NO ONE WANTS TO BE HERE BILLU. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SHOW HER THE TAPE IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR ROOM AND FINISH THIS OFF. AWAIIIII KA KHEENCHNA. 😫😫😫😫

oh god i dont wanna watch this nonsense. it’s super fucking late where i am (i fell asleep watching the episode mid way) and i have a hella long commute tomorrow and i just wanna go back to sleeeeep. 😭😭😭😭😭

shakti, this fucking savage is probably gonna come back with a cactus or some shit, isn’t he? 😂😂😂

oh suddenly now everyone’s ok with the “bhavya was a cop on duty at our place” theory???? like....??? memories and attachment to ppl like goldfish, these fucking oberois. 😒😒😒

OK RUDRA, FIRST OF ALL, PROTEIN AND CARBS KA MEL HAI IN A HEALTHY DIET. AND FUCK YOU, YOU’RE SUCH A LOSER. THIS IS WHY SHE LEFT YOUR ASS. THIS IS WHY SUMO LEFT TOO. 😑😑😑

godddddd. this episode just won’t get overrrrrrrr. 😫😫😫😫😫

meanwhile this doctor waala chutiyaapa continues. 

the white doctor just unironically said: 

waittttt, when did tej and svetlana move outta oberoi mansion??? what even is going on? where the fuck is thissss? 😐😐😐

god svetlana, why are you wasting so much timeeeee? just kill ALL these losers. 😒😒😒

gauri kumari sssssarma to the rescue. as usual. always carrying everyone’s inefficient asses. 😎😎😎

another thing she has in common with shivaay: both have leadership skills, anything happens and they jump to the frontlines and get to action. 

lmaoooooo “hai kathaiiiii angrez ki aulaaad, seedha paani nahi bol sakta tha????” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

gauri, caaareful. don’t break his ribs or some shiz. follow the beat to stayin’ alive! 😣😣😣

what the fuck nonsense. he’s no more it seems. awaiiiii. 🙄🙄🙄

GOD I AM SO OVER THIS TEJVI PLOT AND THEIR BUDDHON KA ANGST. GIVE ME SHIVIKA AND RIKARA. 😩😩😩

ok someone fuckinggggggg kill this teacher for reallllllll. god. 😡😡😡

if she just needs to look on the internet for words she doesn’t know, she can already do that. why does she need to come to this fucking class? 😒😒😒😒

sulky!kara is standing away all angsty and shiz. what a child. anyway, good. burn, fool, burn! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[ughdestiel]

i’ve been feeling kind of trapped and clueless lately, and i think it would really make me feel better if i just kind of put this out there in the open and get it off my chest and let those who care or are curious enough to read it so... here goes

it’s nothing crazy serious obviously. but i’ve just felt kind of out of place lately. with college and being on my own, basically, and all, it’s really different. and i do love college, i love everything im learning and becoming and discovering what i really want to do in life, but in the midst of all that. I feel so alone sometimes.

like all my close friends from high school go to different colleges, but like... 

ok so in my group of friends theres basically six of us, including myself. one of them didnt go to high school with us. but with the other four (one being my bf), one of them goes to school w our former friend, one just simply goes to school then goes home but talks with the guys (the six are all guys), then the last two is my bf and friend who go to school together. and my bf and friend is part of this club at school and they have TONS of friends like TONS and theyre always doing stuff with them like play basketball or going out to eat or something and of course im so happy that my bf got cool friends and he’s happy there and all but i cant help but get so so so. s.o jealous....

i have only one solid friend from my school. but we dont really do anything together. we used to early in the semester, but then she got a part time job and likes going to the city a lot so the only times i hang out / talk to her is either before during or after class. then she takes the bus or gets picked up by her parents. and i totally understand its not her fault and all but it just gets so beyond lonely having to go to the gym alone, to the library, to get food. and i also totally get how sometimes i have to be independent and do stuff alone and all this and that and i do love it. i do prefer doing things by myself most times but it truly, truly does get lonely. 

then when i go home, i just basically do homework and facetime my bf which is great because i only see him once a week now. but while he’s talking to our friends and im not, i get bored a lot. and of course he doesnt just talk to them the whole time, we talk as well, but yea. its so hard to explain i dont even know. my girl friends who i have known since grammar school and used to talk to on the daily dont talk to me anymore. one of them literally just cut me off but then i picked it back up but ever since then it hasnt been the same. the other one is my absolute bff, but she goes to a different school as well and shes always busy with something and she lives somewhat of a drive, so we dont really talk much either bc college and life has gotten us. but i miss them. so much. its really hard for me to make an actual friendship with another girl, because i dont know. guys too. so basically i cant make friends in general. but i miss them with all my dear heart and soul but even when i try to text them they reply either hours late or hardly reply, and its annoying and hurts so i just stopped trying

then i have another close guy friend outside of my og group. ive known him since grammar school as well even though we didnt go to the same one. anyways i would talk to him every other day and it was really nice and he was and is just such a great friend but since college we dont talk at all anymore because he has a crazy schedule and all and he travels miles to go see his gf (who i LOVE) and theyre so great im so so happy for him and everything. but yea i just miss talking to him every now and then but i understand and respect his priorities and im just really happy hes happy

so basically point of those two paragraphs is.... i get lonely. i want friends. i dont need them of course. but i do want friends. my only friend from school doesnt always want to do the stuff i want to do. it took me to convince her to play pool with me in the game room. and then to go to the gym together took less time. but she has never eased up to the offer of playing basketball, which i would love love love to do and it would bring me so so so much joy to just ball up every day or every other day after class, but i cant go alone. i wouldnt feel comfortable, because its all older dudes that go there and i would feel so attacked. i feel attacked just when im walking on campus and pass by (some) guys. i love when my bf brings me to school with him because all we do is play basketball and eat and that is all i want to do, and i wish i had someone to do that with at school.

furthermore... since college.. or well... since prom weekend of senior year.. ive been so exposed to parties and alcohol and drugs. not always physically, but mentally. the very thought of parties or consuming alcohol or using drugs has tried to pop up in my life so many times this school year. and i was never a “party” party person. never. and of course im not saying im better than those who party or drink or smoke, im just saying i wasnt made for it. ive always preferred being at a house or a chill place where my friends and i can have simple fun like board games or video games or basketball or football or just talking. i take so much passion in simple things. thats why i love my group of friends from hs. they have so much pure fun and it warms my heart and soul and makes me love them from now til eternity. 

anyways, i feel so uncomfortable about alcohol and drugs. when i was younger all of my uncles would get stupid drunk and get all crazy and it used to scare me. it honestly tramautized me. one of my uncles would get drunk so much and so bad; my family used to have a lot of family parties and of course, ppl drank. my uncle would get really drunk and just sit in the hallway downstairs, and i would obviously have to use the bathroom or get food or talk to my mom or something and would have to pass by him, and he would stop me and sit me down. I’ll never forget how he wreaked of alcohol and it made my stomach turn. and he’d put his hand over my shoulder and say something like “aj you know you are so pretty” and it would make me so uncomfortable. he never did anything awfully awful to me thank god but the amount of unease he made me feel made me terrified and angry at what alcohol does to a person. then my uncle would lecture me for thirty minutes, sometimes an hour at most. and i would be trapped because he literally wouldnt let me leave. he would be telling me about how schools important, how i have to finish school before getting a boyfriend. i couldnt get a boyfriend before finishing school, because that was bad, a sin. he throw in “youre pretty” in there so much. and it was just awful. i was tramautized. i hated it. i remember my older girl cousin who went through the same thing told me to get out of it is to say i have my period and i’ll be free- it worked. then there’s a long laundry list of how many people in my family have problems with alcohol. and i hate it. i hate what it is capable of doing to people. if you have it in moderation, thats great, but if youre excessive... please just don’t.

drugs was never a friend to me either. specifically smoking. i dont know why, i just dont like it. i wasnt exposed to it as much as alcohol which is maybe why the very idea of people wanting to smoke seems so odd to me. idk. i guess its more like i have no desire whatsoever to try and do it or make it a thing for myself and then when i see others or loved ones doing it i feel confused and i begin to question them whereas im really questioning myself. i guess the only time i’d smoke or drink is with my truly beloved ones. other than that, never. never would it ever cross my mind.  i remember when i was in a bad place end of freshman and beginning of sophomore year i wanted to drink i wanted to smoke. i wanted to forget about what was making me mentally feel pain. i remember going to seaside heights during that time and running into one of my better girl friends whom i previously mentioned and we bought hookah pens, and we smoked the shit out of that. i thought it was awesome. i thought it was the shit - it really wasnt. afterwards i was just like....ok..... wtf am i doing. i had no idea why i was doing that. i felt so weird. i didnt know my stance on anything. i was so confused. i remember trying to smoke weed with one of my then friends. he was so hyped about it, i was whatever about it. i just wanted to forget forget forget. idk what happened, but i didnt go. i didnt do it. and to this day, i really do think that was God’s work. He knew that that wasn’t what i really wanted or needed, even in my most darkest time, and God helped me resist. it blows my mind. then freshman sophomore and beginning of junior year i used to hang out with my grammar school friends A LOT. like a lot. and i vividly remember how many times i stayed upstairs in the living room watching tv with my other friend or two while everyone else was downstairs smoking. i remember feeling so out of place.. questioning why i was even there... then i realized it all came back to i just wanted friends thats all. thats all it was. they tried convincing me so many times to smoke or drink with them and it just never appealed to me. and this happened so many times because i kept going back to them and back to them and eventually i just felt like i was weird. i felt like i was the one who had the problem.

and i still feel like that. i feel like im the one who has the issue, the weird habit. i have no desire whatsoever to try alcohol or smoke or any drug or just do anything that could potentially kill my inside organs. people become so amazed when i tell them i never smoked nor have i ever drank. and when they react like that, it makes me feel like im so weird. im so out of place. like im an alien. then i feel awful about myself and ask why im not like them and not into those normal “teenager” things. when people talk about college and crazy parties and blacking out and passing out, it makes me feel like im somehow obligated to live up to those standards and i feel so restricted and a little guilty or sad i guess. because i dont do any of that. i do my homework, watch youtube videos, netflix, laugh at them, cry about them, hang out with my boyfriend and friends, and we play board games and laugh and not really cry but yeah and i do everything so simple but it means the entire world to me and makes me who i am and it makes me feel so weird and out of place when put against the standards of teenage years or young adult years and i dont know what to do with myself or how to come about it. my bf drinks only with family and sometimes friends but not much he knows his limits and i love how i can trust him and everything but gosh i get so worried.. like everything i ever learned about drugs and alcohol and then everything ive experienced with drugs and alcohol... it makes me feel so uneasy but i have help myself understand that he is not me, he does not want to stay away from all that, he wants to try it and experience that teenage young adult standard and thats his choice and as long as hes safe and loyal, which i know he is, there’s nothing wrong at all. i am still learning that. in theology my professor explained how love requires accepting the other person for who they are and compromising. love requires sacrifice. and you must choose to love. and that is what im doing for him, because i love him. same goes to my family. my not so younger cousin just started smoking, and i was shocked and honestly felt somewhat betrayed because we were the ones who were left from that whole life, but i love my cousin. so i accept him for what he’s chosen to do.

it’s been a crazy year for me, and though ive rambled on for paragraphs i still feel like i havent gotten all of it out. but this has helped. most definitely. im still trying to figure myself out. and im still trying to learn to accept others for what they choose because that is love. 

one thing i will always carry on with the rest of my life is my sophomore year latin teacher. she didnt know any latin, nor did me or my class. one day we werent doing work and my classmates and i loved talking to her and asking questions because she was so smart and insightful and awesome. my classmate asked her something about drugs and alcohol. like whats the craziest thing shes done or something, and my teacher’s reply was “never done it” and everyone was shocked, including myself. and my classmate was dumbfounded and said, “never?? youre lying” and my teacher simply said, “nope, never felt the need to.” and i found that to be the most profound thing ever. it made me realize that i didnt need to bring drugs and alcohol in my life, thats when i realized that it was not necessary. i realized i didnt need that to be cool or smart or accepted, because she was all of that. she’ll never know, but she really changed my life perspective by saying that. i hope someday i’ll come to peaceful terms with what i’ve chosen and stand by. i think i’ll be on the way there soon.

if anyone made it this far, i love you. so so much. this is why i love this website. this community this fanbase. you are all so caring and loving and helpful and genuine and just awesome. thank you for following me, just standing by me and reading what ive rambled on for pages basically. i hope someday i can update you guys by saying, “i did it.”