#i love the circle of ppl i follow in this fandom but there's such large parts of it that i hate with a burning passion

[wereh0gz]

I love the idea of getting to work with sega for something sonic related one day like designing characters and doing illustrations for them and stuff

But then I remember. The Fandom

[banrions]

Only spoilers from gideon the ninth in this!!

From your reblogs, I'm assuming you're up to date on the locked tomb series. I just finished gideon the ninth with my partner, picked up harrow, and have been a bit disheartened.

We really really loved gideon, so we were bummed about the ending. As spoilery free as you can while I'm prob asking a spoiler question, if gideon was the main reason we loved the first book, do you still recommend harrow? We were also worried about the back of that book claiming to be more gay than the first but then its just harrow and ianthe, who we're not thrilled at the prospect of a romantic relationship going for

Overall thoughts? Side note, I've been a follower and fan since your supergirl work, so it's cool to see you into the same series again!

helllloooo

oh boy, tough question mostly bc... i am the opposite of you. i actually didn't love gideon all that much (not a common take/reaction in the fandom! ppl rlly love gideon you will have lots of ppl who feel similarly to you). for me personally, she's.. fine, but crass jokey butch who likes to fight isn't rlly my vibe. but icy femme terrible bitch very much is, so i happen to LOVE ianthe and rllllllly ship her and harrow (largely due to their interactions in HtN). so... i'm sort of the wrong target for this, BUT i CAN answer your question.... kind of, without getting too spoilery. what i can say that this is a series all abt death, and bones, and soul magic, and resurections of sorts, and i would tell you to fear not, re: gideon, in general??

(i will also say tho that this is also... PARTLY speculation post Things That Happened in HtN & NtN, but also, not speculation at all, either... bc of, same.)

okay this question is hard to answer without spoiling lol.

i will say tho... i would possibly adjust your expectations a little for the series? it's a LOT bigger than gideon and the ninth crew going to a murder mystery house, there are diff povs (of a sense, while trying not to be too spoilery, again) for each book so far. gideon is important, gideon has A Part to PLay and it's a big one, but, also the series gets expanded a lot, and other characters take center stage and have large parts to play too, if that makes sense?

personally, i've liked HtN and NtN more than GtN, but i also was DEEPLY CONFUSED by a lot of what goes on and needed to search around fandom things post readings to get better grasps on a lot of things, so, also note that. HtN is a confusing book, but i happened to rlly like it at the same time as being confused and annoyed abt that, too.

i would say try it? see how you feel? if it's not doing it for you then bail, that's totally fine, but after NtN and reading more meta/etc. i've rlly come around and enjoyed things a bit more. i also know... that what I WANT out of the series is probs not gonna be the outcomes of this series, so i'm just down to enjoy the characters i like while i've got them, mostly.

i hope that makes any sort of sense or helps a little, if you do keep up with the series let me know how you like it!

(also, awww, thank you! i always love when fandoms circle back around like that to newer ones, i miss how much i used to love that dumb lil show:)

[cloudslou]

okkkk sooooo let's go, brace yourself it's gonna be a long rant. (also sorry if i don't make sense, english isn't my first language)

i am a larrie too and most people i follow here are larries bc i kinda feel like they're a safe space you know? BUT the fandom can be so fucking tiring and annoying sometimes. not everything louis and harry do have to do with larry and that's okay!!!!!! (i know saying something like that can get you dragged to hell in this fandom...anyways. lol) not everything is an easter egg. not everything has to be interpreted (?) a certain way. i know it's fun to find little things in their music that are connected, i get the thrill. but sometimes it's too much, the fandom makes the most out of too little things and it's so ??????. my issue is mostly with how some people in the fandom view louis and his ideas and themes and stuff. let him have his fucking moment without connecting EVERYTHING, every single little detail of his art to harry. they are their own individuals and they have their own career and they make their own art. there are connections and parallels, someone has to be dumb not to see them but sometimes it's good to let them have something for themselves each. - i.e. i saw someone making the fitf ono about how harry had one too and blah blah married yeah we get it!!!!! but what the FUCK does louis promoting his album have to do with harry? what the hell does louis having one, two, whatever special concerts to promote his album have to do with harry? it's like, louis follows every step harry takes (i'm always speaking in terms of their career and art), he does whatever harry does, he doesn't have creative freedom (? not the right phrase but idk how else to say it sorry). it's like some people see his work as a copy of harry's, you know what i mean? this is not meant to be sorry for louis or to pity him, i know he hates that and i know you do too. it's more like, louis is his own person, OUTSIDE of the relationship!!! (as is harry of course), not everything he does has to be depended on the relationship or his partner, he has his own mind, his own ideas, his own creativity. he doesn't have to have anyone as a "step" where he has to be on to build his career (does that make sense?). he's gaining sooooooo much popularity and recognition, i know walls was successful, but this era is on another level. let him fucking have this for HIMSELF. he did that HIMSELF. it's kinda unfair to take that away from him by implying that everything he does has to do with anyone but him.

anyway, this is where the rant ends. didn't wanna make a post about it bc as i said, saying this stuff can get you dragged to hell in this fandom bc let's be honest, there are certain opinions that apparently everyone has to have. thank you for your time and patience. post it if you want, or not idk. of course i'd love to hear your opinion on this. byyeeeeee <3

anon im so glad u came back i was hoping to see a msg from u when i got home from class.

i think im largely on the same page as you!!! i consider myself a larrie and thats mainly who i follow and who my friends r, like thats my Circle in the fandom, but it can be very exhausting when its the only lens ppl use to look at their art. not only is it just a tad annoying, i think its pretty dismissive and reductive to take that approach every time. i have similar feelings abt taylor when ppl jump to immediately connect a song to her public life story and then dont go further. for me its like.... there is so much more to a song (or any piece of art) than its "true" meaning (and i say that liberally because even when larries connect on of hl's songs to the other or their real lives, this is no more "true" than connecting a song to a girlfriend, etc, i think there's too much certainty by fans in this fandom) and it limits ur enjoyment of a song i think to not push to break out of that box.

also i think people drawing connections between career stuff is mostly. connecting dots that arent there. one-off concerts are not a rarity and theres already differences in their album release shows. i dont follow many musicians super closely, but i believe ashe also had an album release show last month. and (iirc) lthq said these shows will be a mix of songs from walls and fitf (so it wont be a straight through play of the album like harry's ono show are).

[rainbowsky]

More on the Fan Fic issue

I have a few more asks about the issue raised the other day, some of which are long and go into detail on the 'wars' that have been happening on Twitter and AO3.

Sorry for grouping these but I wanted to put it all under a cut because these are long, and also in case people don't want to dig into these issues (which would be understandable).

Anonymous 1 asked:

"I am very strongly of the opinion that the BJYX term is still a fandom umbrella term" I agree. Mainly because Bjyx is the most popular. Many antis always say bjyx, and have no idea the others. So sometimes it's easier just to say bjyx instead of explaining all three. I myself more like "who cares as long as they happy." So I enjoy Yizhan in all contexts. Many bxgs I know also like that, mostly ibxgs. I think deep down all bxgs (no matter which position they prefer) just want Yizhan to be happy

Not sure we can be so certain about that last part, Anon (I think for a lot of people GG and DD are just characters in a smutty story they have in their heads), but I agree about the term being popular regardless of the type of fans people are.

From what I can see the BJYX term seems to be used 80-90% umbrella, 10-20% dynamic in both international and c-social media (for every 10 times you see the term used, only one or two of those usages - probably less - are referring to a dynamic). This is my totally unscientific estimation, but I think even 10-20% dynamic is being generous. The number of people who are fixated on a sexual dynamic aren't nearly as large as they'd like to believe.

Anonymous 2 asked:

about the promptfests - i’ve been on twitter since early 2020 and what i’ve noticed is that this influx bjyx-only promptfests started gaining speed once lots of rational voices started leaving the fandom recently either because a) new interests have caught their attention or b) the toxicity of the popular bxg circles on twitter have become too much to handle.

gdgdbaby was usually the organizer of dynamic-inclusive events, and she’s received lots, and lots, and lots of backlash by bxg, sometimes even by accounts with thousands followers, for using bjyx as a catch-all term. and as her interest in yizhan has since waned—hopefully for reasons unrelated to fandom toxicity—many of the people who were attracted to the welcoming environment she created distanced themselves as well.

zsww/lsfy fans have become an outnumbered circle who try their best to create exclusive events to avoid the “is bjyx a catch-all term” discourse, but never seem to gain as much traction as gdgdbaby (who has a sizeable following) or those who host bjyx-only events (who also have sizeable followings).

meanwhile the dynamic war has only become more and more hostile and bjyx is clearly the more populated group… ao3 is simply a battlegrounds, if i may dramatize the situation a little for the sake of humor, and the promptfests are a reaction to this irritating t/b discourse that has made bxg twitter completely inhospitable for me…and lots of other fans too.

(i’ve also noticed a huge reinforcement as of recently where ppl will call gg laopo, a milf, an omega, etc even outside of rpf (i.e. posting pictures of him at events and saying he looks pregnant or he’s going into heat) and it’s just… uncomfortable.)

(also please note i have a biased account of all of this drama bc many of my friends were harassed over it, and anyone who disagrees with my take may feel free to interject.)

I took the liberty of adding paragraph breaks because they are pretty important for some readers, particularly ND readers like me.

It's sad to hear how fucked up everything has become, but I'm not even remotely surprised. Toxicity leads to toxicity, and the whole idea of dividing up a RP fandom by sex position was misguided from the outset - no matter why it was done or how good the intentions might have been.

And yes, like I said, these people aren't just framing things this way for fan fic. This is how they talk about IRL GGDD.

I had written a lengthy essay here about homophobia in the fandom but deleted it all. Perhaps I'll post it separately at some later point. Suffice it to say that this stuff creates a climate that's often hostile for queer people. So much of it is deeply homophobic, whether people are aware of it or not.

It's really sad to hear about gdgdbaby being mistreated in any way. Anyone who steps up and sticks their neck out to help organize and coordinate activities that benefit a broader group of people should be celebrated and supported, not run out of town by an angry mob.

I've read some of her stories and even have one or two on my rec list. And here's someone who is not only writing good works, but also supporting others to write more good works. Such a shame.

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello Mr. RBS! I think I can chime in a bit about the fanfic topic as I’ve watched this all unravel on twitter (where a majority of authors/readers are). I apologize if this gets long but it’s been something that’s also been on my mind.

I want to preface this by saying that I’m not a fan of the distinctions of dynamics as, like you said, the supposed line between real life and fanfic is long gone, so I’m not trying to be biased against one group over another.

Short answer to the question of, “is this retaliation?” : I do believe it is. (From here onwards I’ll be using bjyx as the dynamic term just for the ease of simplicity.) To understand why, I’ll have to explain with a bit of background info. On twitter, I’d say that there’s a quite large divide between bjyx and zsww/lsfy. That itself isn’t really a problem because people are free to like what they like and associate with whoever.

However there is a big problem where bjyx people are not just bjyx but also anti-zsww/lsfy. To the point where I’ve seen people say that they feel physically ill when they accidentally read zsww. I don’t think this type of behavior should exist in any dynamic bc in the end GGDD are real people with a real relationship behind this content and it’s just a gross fetishization at that point.

With all this happening, zsww/lsfy people have gotten more outspoken on how GG is often portrayed in those types of scenarios, mainly the over-feminization of him, bc it’s not just done in the context of fanfic but regular discussion of GGDD at this point. This tension between the dynamics kind of boiled over when the pregnant xz fest was announced, as you can take a guess at how that went over with zsww/lsfy people. lol.

But around that same time, another zsww/lsfy event was announced (I’m not sure if it’s the one anon was talking about) but the creator of the event suddenly got a ton of backlash for excluding bjyx, with the reasoning that bjyx is technically a part of lsfy. But the event was done to highlight zsww/lsfy (as all specific events are) bc the community and content for these dynamics are much less than bjyx.

Which is how we come back to the starting point of, is all this recent bjyx stuff retaliatory. I believe so bc the events (preg fest, dark event) are very specific prompts that target exactly what zsww/lsfy people have been outspoken against.

As to the point anon made about trying to drown out the tags, keep in mind that zsww/lsfy content is very minimal compared to bjyx and has only just recently started to gain more traction. I think most people would love to just peacefully exist in their own circles but I don’t see this problem between dynamics disappearing anytime soon.

Like I said with the above Anon, I've added paragraph breaks for ND readers.

What a mess.

I have absolutely nothing useful to say here about the fandom on AO3 and how it's managed by community members, but I do think it's unfortunate that people choose to be war-like rather than make space for diverse voices, and I think it's a real shame that some people have been essentially run out of the fandom because of this garbage.

Thanks for giving some context for how/why the major shift in tone of fan fic lately. I had no idea any of this was going on.

I urge people to work hard to give space for all voices and perspectives, and not just the ones they favor. I'd also urge people to reflect on how their thoughts, behavior and actions in the fandom might affect queer people in the fandom.

As always, we have no control over what other people do, say or think. All we have any control over is how we respond to what other people do, say or think. Hopefully we'll chose the path of peace and try to avoid fan wars or fights that only ruin the experience for everyone.

I guess one thing I'd ask any of the Anons who have written me about this issue - or anyone who has thoughts about it - is, what can we as readers/fans who care about diversity of voices and perspectives do to support that here and on AO3, without getting involved in any kind of war?

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

[fmdkiana]

*youtuber vc* WHATZ up famerz. i’ve got another SICK character for you to get to know! so SMASH that follow button! MAIM me with that like!

...anyway hi i’m demi, the famed hag, and this is my fourth child (following sung, andy, n jeonghwa) her name is kiana, also goes by ki and kiki, and if that nickname brings to mind anything But kiki’s delivery service u shall b Wrong. she’s fuse’s main dancer and lead vocalist, iconic qwen. here’s her pinterest, bio, public profile, private profile, timeline [wip for links], plots, & social media [wip for insta]. i’ll leave a condensed version under ze cut <3 you can reach me easiest at fmdjoosung or demi#6468 on discord if you’d like to chat abt this girlie!

okay first things first i’m gonna nip this in the bud. if ur like excuse? iu in fuse? ur coocoo for cocoa puffs for that one. u would be right! and i intend to prove to u that she Is fitting. example a-z demonstrates an at home kiki and a fuse ki. thank me later for all this pretty laydee content

background

may 28th, 1994 ya girl is a gemini

from seattle

born to a pediatric surgeon and a software engineer (who specializes in ai bc her mom is Cool) kiana developed a love for science... then tossed it away to be A Star

not immediately though

really it all stems from the desire to be unique in a positive way

with seattle’s large east asian population, she was lumped together with everyone else, and places where she stood out, kids made fun of her for

she felt like an outcast in every sense of the word, which is why when A Boy gave her the genuine time of day, she latched on

they quickly became bad for each other, codependent at its best

kiana’s lil ass rly thought they were romeo and juliet torn apart when her parents made them break up

she kept sneaking out to see him, and eventually it became troublesome enough that her parents decided to move the fam to korea

heartbroken and with the desire to feel desired, she auditioned for gold star

since she was young, she had dance classes, just as her mom did before giving it up for something more stable

dance isn’t what drove her as much as the feeling of a crowd being entertained by her

trained for 3 years, gold star had high hopes for her given her dance background + looks, hence her role in impulse’s a

a couple years after debut, the company manages to snag her an ost, and when that does well, they shove her onto as many osts as possible, but it manages to do basically nothing to help her or fuse’s fame, no matter the impact of the song itself, and they slow down on trying

that *big bad wolf vc* my dears, is what sets up her overall Thing, that no matter what she does, or how many people claim to love her, they don’t show up for her as a solo celebrity

it leaves her a little dejected, fearful, worried, but idol life isn’t something she minds doing anyway. part of her still wants to strive for more attention, and claw her way there, because she aches terribly to feel special and different, and to a degree, idol life will always give that to her

personality

the archetype of the kid in middle school who calls themselves L and only draws in anime style and comes to school in cosplay and naruto runs around and randomly speaks japanese........ yeah, that was kiana as a kid

and really, she’s only let the problematic parts of it go. she’s still a big fat weeb (& has lots of other fandom type interests too)

an internet kid, someone who never got a big following. draws fanart, has written fanfiction, engages on fan forums. stays at home unless she’s dragged out by friends

she’s a very Normal, Everyday type person in most ways, and that bugs her to no end

she’s someone who as a kid thought she had superpowers, like full on believed it, and to this day still thinks well maybe it’s just not kicked in yet

considers herself ~an empath~ because she naturally has very strong emotions, and seeing or “feeling” the emotions of others makes her feel that way too. that includes positive And negative emotions

she can and is wrong about what she “feels” from others, but the emotional effect on herself is still the same

and because that happens so much, kiana retreats into herself

she has a very small inner circle, and isn’t very interested in more than surface level relationships with most people because it’s exhausting to feel so much all of the time

that means usually, most people meeting her will meet someone who can be doin a little doodle, you’ll say hi, she’ll say hi back, then go right back to her doodle

she’s Nice and polite enough, but doesn’t take those first steps. some ppl might view her coldly bc of it

HOWEVA if someone were to bring up one of her ~special interests, she would come off like a completely different person

animated, kinda loud, won’t shut up. that’s more often the type of person her inner circle gets to see

she’s also a reversal of the hard shell soft inside trope, as a lot of her outward self and personality can seem soft, gentle, maybe even naive depending on someone’s view, but there is a core to her affection thats... dangerous

but i’ll leave that for the dms

and finally, here’s a phat list of personality traits that apply to kiana, depending on her relationships with who she’s talking to and how she’s feeling. yes some are complete opposites. see: gemini. if you wanna kno how to get a certain trait from her, i’ll be glad to explain

abnormal, apathetic, artistic, clingy, contradictory, dedicated, demure, disorganized, earnest, effeminate, emotional, empathetic, excitable, fanatical, guarded, hesitant, insecure, introverted, jealous, loyal, mercurial, modest, neat, needy, nervous, numb, obsessive, organized, overthinking, passionate, persevering, protective, quiet, romantic, scatterbrained, silly, stubborn, tactful, temperamental, vigilant, vivacious, volatile, wall flower, withdrawn

fun fax

claims her style inspiration is the 70s but really mixes in influences from ~the 40s to 80s

if she’s dressing herself, heavily prefers skirts and dresses over pants

doesn’t like being touched unless she’s really close with someone, then she likes a lot of it

plant mom. apartment basc a greenhouse

insists one day she will make her own jam but has yet to get around to it so she just has a bunch of jars in her apartment and uses them for plants and paper clip holders and the like

her fictional character romantic Type is the tsundere. is convinced fictional characters are the best dating partners

always wears glasses when at home, and a good amount of the time when not working in general

her mario kart main is link bc nostalgia and valuing a strong stat set that favors zoom zoom

the furthest she goes for environmental impact is always using a hydroflask

prefers having bangs and hair with a wave

always carries bandaids and bandages in her bag because she gets eczema patches when she’s stressed and it’s Embarrassing to her so she covers em up

[daturanerium]

I’m not really involved in the cr fandom, I only follow some blogs but wow, some of these people are incredibly mean and rude lol. It’s great that you’re being so kind and respectful!! I’m glad you’re one of the cr blogs I follow!

hi friend!!!! it’s so nice to hear from a follower, i’ve been dealing with strangers for the past 24 hours lol

the cr fandom is incredibly wide and diverse. it’s unofficially divided into sections/”sides”/circles based on what kind of content you like. when you get over four hours of content a week it’s difficult to actively engage in all of it! many ppl end up spending most of their time focusing on the parts that pertain to their “side”. others are more casual watchers who can handle the full four hours worth of content received because they don’t engage with it much outside of thursdays when it airs. there are lots of different ways to get involved in the fandom and lots of different ways to interact with it. what you’re currently witnessing thru my blog (sorry lmao) is when something from one side makes its way through a game of telephone to another side. 

cr fandom, like any other large fandom, is loud, passionate, and hard to “control”. i have no doubt that when cr ends or people move on, the fandom will be ranked under superwholock and voltron. the point is to remember that most of the discourse (and godddd there’s a lot of it) comes from a point of love--love for the show, love for the cast, love for the stories, and love for the characters. while the fandom is definitely exciting and overwhelming, we all have that in common. i think that’s something that a lot of ppl in the fandom need to remember. and ik it makes me sound like a cheesy centurist to say it but it’s true! we just love different parts. 

so when i’m dealing with these “mean and rude” messages, as you said, i make sure to remember that they’re just sticking up for something they love the same way i am. they’re coming across as angry because they’re passionate! i try to use positive or neutral wording when i talk about them. they could so easily be written off as “haters” or “gaslighters” or what-have-you, i’ve seen it all before in other discourse. but they’re not. they’re people like me behind a screen who are confused and hurt by what’s going on. my post was meant to inform and i’m going to to my best to inform no matter how they decide to come to me.

it was definitely an interesting night tho. i’ve never engaged in discourse directly on tumblr (if i engage in discourse it’s usually kept to twitter) and so this whole situation i have on my blog and in my replies atm is pretty new to me. i’m trying to get to everyone in a timely manner but it’s hard when i have other, real-life stuff too! i’m pretty tired haha

sorry for the long response. it’s so nice to hear from you! i hope you have a lovely day <3

[child-of-hurin]

  20 questions meme post

1. why did you choose your url?

Derivative from my original tumblr url croclock; no idea where that one came from... I was really into albino crocodiles at some point of my life though, maybe that’s why? I don’t remember

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

I have a couple: @croclock for my art, @crocstuff for occasional nsfw art, @child-of-hurin for reblogging posts with references and recommendations, a couple like that but for fandom-specific recs, etc

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

since 2010 I think 😬

4. do you have a queue tag?

yeah ‘queue cutie’ just bc it’s nice to say it out loud... sounds dumb nowadays but I’ve been using it for so long

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

As a portfolio! My art friends were moving, it was a good place to keep checking each other’s stuff.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It’s fanart by me, I just like how it looks and the colors.

7. why did you choose your header?

It’s a type of tree from my hometown that I love, um pé de castanhola, and my friend took that picture to how me how the leaves were changing colors, it made me very nostalgic :’(

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

An ancient Walter Crane post that keeps getting notes bc it’s very the aeshtetic

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I have no idea, how do you even check this? << (2)

10. how many followers do you have?

I have like, a ridic large number of followers theoretically, but literally most of them are just long dead blogs and porn bots - I’ve always been bad at blocking them consistently

11. how many people do you follow?

864 - again, a bunch of long dead blogs

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Not as many as I wanted to/ought to 😔

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

I (try to) limit it to two accesses a day during weekdays & deleted the app from my phone

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

2013/14 silmarillion fandom drama was weird like that bc we were destroying each other psychologically but acting very polite all around in our main blogs so it was never like, a “fight” until at the very end me & my friends got “threatened” with a “callout post” for some bs reason. It was all very dumb lol. I think ultimately I lost, cause one of my fave moots was so upset by the ongoing situation that she left fandom altogether and I miss her (Jess if u ever read this ILU and I hope you’re doing well xoxoxoxo).  

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

hate, never reblog them anyway

16. do you like tag games?

Yup :) though I can be bad at actually doing them

17. do you like ask games?

I looove sending asks for those even more than answering, though I haven’t seen many ppl doing them in a while

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Phoenix @alienfuckeronmain who tagged me might be the most tumblr famous person I know :^) I am friends with people who I know have a Presence in their circle of interests, like elizabeth or heget, but idk about tumblr famous specifically

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

first and foremost my wife @kareenvorbarra if she hasn’t unfollowed me here yet... 

20. tags?

If you read this, you’re it :^)