#i love that joel is finally admitting to himself that being in this town for so long is actually changing him and how he sees the world

[nero-neptune]

NORTHERN EXPOSURE 3.06 “The Body in Question”

“Be careful, my friend. You’re opening a portal to the past.”

[aurorawritestoescape]

JOEL’S VISIT | Bad Blood Extra | 3,8k

Summary: Joel pays you a visit and makes your night unforgettable.

Tw: +18, mdni, smut, step-cest, big age gap (reader is 22, Joel is in his late 40s), step uncle!Joel is a warning in himself, stepdad Tommy makes an appearance (kinda), fingering, ass play, anal, sex toy, spit as lube, pussy slapping, cum eating, creampie, degradation kink, praise kink, alcohol consumption, swearing.

A/n: written as a naughty bday present for my love @milla-frenchy 🥳 happy birthday, baby!😘🩷 ILY! Hope you’ll enjoy my little gift❤️ and Joel’s huge gift🍆🍑😏

Pics are only for the mood. Reader has no specific physical description. Reader wears a skirt. Dividers by @strangergraphics-archive

Series Masterlist || MASTERLIST || Milla’s MASTERLIST

You step into your favorite bar in your college town and search for him. You notice the familiar broad shoulders far away from the crowd and saunter there, on the way turning heads of the other patrons but you don’t care about them. As if by a magnet you’re being pulled to the man, who’s sipping whiskey in a dark corner booth. Joel Miller.

You hate to admit it but you really missed the fucker. Missed his rough hands, his dirty words, his assholish attitude. No one else can make your blood boil like that but the hate you often feel towards him morphs into passion so fast that you wonder if your relationship is meant to be. As toxic as they are, you've never felt such a strong pull towards anyone. Except your stepdad Tommy of course.

Right now Joel’s in the dog house. You’re still fuming over his intention to fuck someone with the hard on YOU gave him. So you don’t sit next to him and instead settle in front of the man at the booth.

Joel looks up from his drink and a smirk tugs at his lips, shining with drops of whiskey.

“Hey, uncle Joel,” you greet him with a reserved smile. He’s wearing a denim vest with a white tank top underneath and his huge arms make your heart skip a beat. Why does he always look so delicious?

“Hello, angel.”

His eyes slide down to your lips and then cleavage, with your tits almost spilling out of your top by design. He adjusts himself before asking,

“Doncha wanna give your favourite uncle a kiss?”

“Not really,” you reply as your eyes are boring into him.

He huffs a laugh and rubs his scruffy cheek.

“Being a cold bitch doesn’t suit you, baby. I prefer you needy and with my cock between your pretty lips.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes, but your mouth waters at his words.

“It’s a health issue, Joel. I don’t wanna catch anything after you fucked every hole in Austin.”

Joel’s brows rise up and he leans forward, planting his elbows on the table. Your teeth sink into your lower lip as you ogle his arms and shoulders.

“Oh, little slut’s jealous.”

You cross your arms making your breasts almost jump out of your top and lie,

“No, I‘m not.”

He narrows his eyes at you and takes a sip of his whiskey before talking again.

“Here’s a thing, angel. You can keep Tommy’s balls in a cute box under your bed. I don’t care. But ya definitely not getting mine.”

You scoff and he leans back against the seat.

“So let’s make it clear— I fuck whoever I want whenever I want.”

You clench your jaws as anger and jealousy squeeze your throat.

For some time you two sit in silence, the air between you electrified and heavy.

Finally Joel gets up with a grunt and you look up at him scared that he might leave, abandon you, but to your relief he comes up to your seat and plops down next to you. He turns to you slightly and puts his huge arm on the backrest behind you. He’s so close that it feels like a hug. His scent immediately envelops you and you gush as if on command.

“Look at me,” Joel gruffs but you keep staring ahead of yourself.

“Look. At. Me.”

The steel in his rumbling voice makes you throb and you turn your face to him, hiding your true emotions, your expression angry and cold.

“I’ve had a shitty day, angel. Don’t make it worse.”

He sounds serious and you furrow your brows with worry.

“What happened?”

Joel grabs his drink and finishes it. He wipes his lips with the back of his hand and talks to the empty glass.

”Paid Jess a visit today. Tommy left some stuff at your… her house.”

“Why didn’t he go himself?” you ask, feeling a pang of sadness that Tommy didn’t tell you anything.

Joel laughs.

“I don’t think he wants to meet your dear mother. He fucked her daughter on their marital bed. She ain’t exactly waiting for him there with open arms.”

“And you? I’m sure she wasn’t happy to see you either.”

“I don’t give a fuck. The bitch can curse me out all she wants. Tommy’s just too good of a guy. Feels bad.”

“Whatever,” you grumble.

Your gaze drops and you sit quietly, deep in your thoughts. Does Tommy feel bad about what happened? If so does he regret your relationship? Does he regret you?

“Hey,” Joel calls and you immediately look up at him, noticing a trace of softness in his voice. “Tommy asked me to give you something.”

“What?”

Joel turns to you more, his thigh presses against yours, and he brings his hand to your jaw. He pinches your chin and slowly leans down.

You slightly open your mouth, welcoming him, and he kisses you. In a second he’s licking into your mouth with passion, claiming you in front of everyone, and you melt, tasting whiskey and cigarettes on his hot tongue. He grabs the back of your head and devours your mouth, swallowing your needy whimpers as his other hand settles on your bare thigh, close to your naked pussy under the short skirt. He squeezes your leg and, feeling how much he wants you, you gush more. Your soft moans are drowned in a sea of chatter and music at the bar. It takes just a few seconds of this, of him, to make your pussy uncomfortably wet. Your core is crying for more and you open your legs wider, signaling him to touch you.

Joel’s plush lips part from yours as he mumbles,

“Here’s my needy slut.”

You reply with a flirty smile and press your body closer to his.

“Take me to a motel. Want you to fuck me like one of your cheap hookers.”

You drag your nose up his neck and Joel groans, roughly kneading your thigh.

“My sweet niece needs to get railed, uh? Dontcha have some fuck boy on standby at your dorm?

“I don’t cheat on daddy,” you whisper against his neck.

“Oh?”

”It’s ok if it’s you. It’s different.”

Joel huffs and then his expression gets serious.

”I can’t do motel today, baby. Need to get going.”

“Already?” you whine, pouting your lips.

“Yeah. Have work tomorrow. And if I get you all to myself in a room I won’t be able to stop fucking ya for at least a week.”

You smile and playfully bite the skin of his neck, before purring, “Sounds good.”

Your pussy is tingling for him and you desperately need to alleviate the ache.

“Please, Joel,” you sit straight and plead, batting your lashes at him. “I miss your big cock so much.”

Joel's wolfish grin makes your clit throb with the beat of your heart. Your tactics seem to work because he adjusts his big bulge and groans,

“My truck. Now.”

You can’t get up fast enough and then hurry to the exit, feeling Joel’s eyes on your swaying ass.

The parking lot is dark, illuminated only by one street light, and almost empty except for a few cars. Joel motions to his truck and you shiver when you walk there but not because of the cold. The culprit is an anticipation of his hands on your body, his cock deep inside you.

Before getting in you stop with your back to your step uncle.

”Wanna show you something.”

You bend over slightly and then lift your skirt. He sees your bare ass and you hear a whistle.

“Juicy.” He grabs your asscheeks but you swat his hands away.

“No, Joel. Wait.“

You push your ass out and spread your cheeks so he could see a pink jeweled butt plug, shaped like a heart.

“Fuck, angel, this for me? Been training your ass to take my big dick?

“Yeah. I thought you might miss it.”

You sigh when he presses his whole frame to yours. His big hands start kneading your naked cheeks and he licks the side of your neck and sucks a hickey into your delicate skin.

“Tommy asked me to leave this as a message for everyone.”

“What’s the message?” You breathe out, grinding your butt against Joel’s bulge.

“This pussy‘s taken. You’re ours.”

You moan, reveling in the possessiveness of the brothers and the sensation of Joel’s heavy body, pressing you against the truck, and you’re slowly but surely drenching your inner thighs. Soon the need overtakes any pride you have left.

“Fuck me, Joel. Fuck my ass. Please.”

“Sure, angel,” he growls, taking a step back, and pulls you off the truck. ”Inside. On your back.”

You do as you’re told, drunk with desire and excitement, and lie down on the faux leather seat at the back of the car. Joel settles between your thighs and throws your left ankle on his shoulder, opening you up for him.

“You often fuck here?” you ask, noticing how fast he found a comfortable position.

He replies with a smirk, “No, only on special occasions.”

You shoot him a playful wink.

“Aww. I’m flattered.”

“Ya should be. I’ll probably spend ages cleaning everything off your slick, little slut.”

“Fuck you,” you giggle and spread your thighs wider, as he grabs your hips and lifts them a little.

The hem of your skirt slides to your waist and Joel leers at your exposed pussy. In the almost dark car his eyes are glinting like those of a predator in a night forest. Your breath hitches as you marvel at his handsome features, accentuated by the dim yellow glow from the outside.

Joel seems to be mesmerized by you too.

“Here she is. Wet little pussy.”

He covers your cunt with his big hand and you shiver when his warm palm squeezes your cold folds.

A gasp crawls up your throat as Joel begins playing with your slippery cunt, drawing soft moans from you—he slides his fingers over your lips, massages your mound, lightly grazes your eager clit and when he lowers his hand and brushes the pink heart of your butt plug, you buck your hips, calling for him to take you.

His light ministrations feel so good you might cry but they are not enough to satiate your thirst so you yank the neckline of your top down and start kneading your naked breasts.

“Fuck, angel, never met anyone this horny and cock hungry.”

You don’t reply, fully lost in the sensations, but Joel demands your attention by flicking your clit and you cry out as a jolt of pain mixed with pleasure shoots through your body.

“Joelllll,” you whine but then a hazy smile blooms on your face and your step uncle notices it.

“How could I forget that my little niece likes a lil bit of pain with her pleasure? Dirty fucking girl.”

You smirk and Joel continues,

“I see you clenching your holes, baby. That pretty plug of yours nearly jumped out of your asshole. Let’s make it dance.”

Suddenly he slaps your pussy with an open palm and you whine,

“Fuck, Joel.” Your body jerks and all your muscles contract. His hot palm lands on your blooming cunt again and again, the strokes light but precise and sharp. Your soft moans fill the truck, sometimes interrupted by Joel’s encouragement.

“Doing good, angel— ya know ya deserve it—look at ya asshole sucking in the plug— your pussy’s winking at me—can ya come like that, baby?”

Through the lustful fog in your head, you barely register what he wants from you but when you do, your fingers start twitching your nipples, pushing yourself closer to the edge.

Slap—slap—slap, Joel spanks your slicked puffy folds and when his wet hand hits your clit just right, you cry out. Your head dips into the seat, your back arches as you come undone from Joel’s rough caress and he praises,

“Yeah, like that, angel. Good fucking slut.”

It takes you some time to stop trembling and when your limbs and body relax, you find Joel’s obsidian eyes drinking in every sign of your ecstasy.

“That was…Wow. Never came from spanking before.”

“‘s weird considering what a bratty bitch you can be. I’d think every second lover wants to slap your cunt.”

You smirk and flutter your eyes shut, still melting after experiencing such an incredible pleasure.

But they immediately snap open when you feel your butt plug move. You see Joel’s eyes glued to your puckered hole, held open by the jeweled toy.

“Joel?” Your voice is strained by the overwhelming sensation of the plug shifting its position inside you and you lift yourself on your elbows to see what he’s doing.

“I really missed your tight hole, angel. Very. Much.”

Joel empathizes each word by moving the plug in and out of your asshole. It glides smoothly, covered with lube and now your slick. You bite your lip, and whimper at the sight and feeling of your tight hole, stretching around the shiny head of the plug and then clamping around its base.

“Damn,” Joel mumbles to himself, as his fingers leave the plug and he begins unbuckling his belt. “Your asshole‘s drenched by your needy pussy. Might do without lube.”

“Yeah, Joel, fuck me raw. ‘s ok if it burns a little.”

“Shit, angel. Naughty slut. Look what ya doing to me.”

Joel unzips his jeans and tugs them down and your eyes are graced with the sight of his huge hard cock. The tip looks like a fat shiny lollipop and you almost drool seeing it bob over your naked cunt.

“Let’s replace the toy with something better, baby”.

Joel’s hand confidently wraps around the base of his stiff manhood while the other pulls on the plug. Your asshole clenches around it tightly, not letting it go, but Joel slowly slides it out and your ring closes.

Your chest is heaving with a mixture of excitement and nerves as Joel slides his cock between your soaked folds, wetting it, and then nudges your asshole with his leaking tip. He pushes in and you take a deep breath to relax but your hole is too tight.

“C’mon, little slut, relax for me.”

”Yeah,” you nod obediently and lie back down, looking up and trying to relax your muscles.

”‘s like that, open up for me, angel. You’ve taken me before.”

“Yeah, but … when I took your huge dick Tommy was there. He knows how to make me relax.”

You find Joel’s obsidian eyes, and then look down at his lips. The man scoffs.

“I ain’t gonna smooch ya forehead, baby. And ‘good girl’ for sure ain’t about you, little slut. So let’s try something else.”

Suddenly you feel Joel’s cock bump into your hardened clit. You whimper, hazy eyes locked with Joel’s, and he drops his head and starts drawing circles over your sensitive bud with his slippery tip.

“Ya like when I do this?”

”Yeah.”

“Good, breathe, baby. Unclench for me. Uncle wants to ruin your tight ass.”

He’s swirling your clit for some time and when the sensation of him, massaging your pussy, brings you close to the second climax, he slides his cock down to your crack and pushes into your tight ring.

With a gasp you feel your asshole give in as he inserts his mushroom head inside your ass, slowly but assertively. Your nails dig into the faux leather of the seat while Joel groans and closes his eyes and you watch his handsome weathered face twist in pleasure.

“Fuckkk,“ he growls and your heart sings, seeing him enjoy your body that much. Not minding the dull pain and the feeling of fullness, you whisper,

“Deeper, Joel. Want your whole cock in my ass.”

He opens his eyes and smirks at you,

“‘Course, angel. Gonna use you so good, you won’t be able to sit for a week.”

His promise should probably make you nervous but lust has completely taken over your body and mind so you bend your legs and press them to your sides, submitting your body to him like an offering.

Joel’s huge hands grab your asscheeks, he spreads them and holds you open before rolling his hips, pushing his cock deeper into you.

He’s grunting and groaning while you’re breathing in and out steadily, opening up for him more and more. Letting him claim the deepest part of you.

Soon Joel bottoms out with a satisfied sigh and stops his movement.

“Look at that, angel. My dick’s fully inside ya ass.” His eyes are focused on the place where he’s sheathed inside you. ”Fuck, I’m so happy Tommy married your mother. It brought me here.”

He chuckles and drops his head back in pleasure and you lift on your elbows to see the way you are joined and watch your asshole flex around the base of his cock.

“Yeah, glad we met, Joel. Now can you please move?” You whine, desperately needing more. Joel doesn’t make you wait- he grabs your hips tighter and slowly pulls his cock out almost to the tip and then slams it back inside as you moan and grab onto the seat.

He starts off slow, rhythmically moving his stiffness inside your ass, then pulls out his glistening shaft half way out of you, spits on it, and plunges back in your canal. You moan as the wetness adds to the pleasure, coursing through your body, and soon your sweet sounds and Joel’s groans fill the inside of the truck.

You whine your step uncle’s name and your hand slithers down to your cunt.

“What is it, little slut? Aw, your needy pussy’s lonely,huh?”Joel mocks, through gritted teeth, and you gloat inside thinking that he must have a real hard time trying not to burst inside you.

But you decide to be a good girl for him so you bite your lip, pull your eyebrows together and nod.

“You’re cute, let’s fill your sloppy hole too then.”

Joel leans down and brings his index and middle fingers to your mouth.

“Make ‘em all nice and wet, angel.”

You smile and take his thick digits between your lips and lick them, glide your tongue over his skin, coating it in your saliva.

When Joel decides it’s enough, he pulls them out and straightens, slowing down his thrusts.

With his cock deep in your ass, he pushes two of his fingers into your crying pussy and you both watch both of your holes being spread wide around Joel.

“Fuck, I’m so full. Your fingers are like another cock inside me.”

“Ya welcome,” he mumbles and starts fucking both of your entrances— your ass with his cock, your pussy with his hand.

If you were enjoying yourself before now you’re in heaven.

“Yes, Joel, don’t stop,” you moan and the man growls in response. His thick and long cock in your ass takes so much room that your pussy channel feels tighter, his fingers stimulate you so much better, that in no time your walls start contracting around his fingers. Squelching sounds of your weeping cunt makes Joel fuck into your holes faster and soon you unravel under his ministrations, crying out his name and arching your back off the seat. You’re trembling all over, cock dumb, pleasure drunk, biting your puffy lips and leaving scratches on the seat.

When you relax and melt under the man, he pulls his fingers out of your pussy, and slowly thrusting into your ass, lets you clean them up.

”Lick it off, angel, be a good girl.”

You lazily taste yourself and then he covers your body with his, pressing you into the seat, his hips flush with your asscheeks.

“Gonna come soon, baby. Gimme some sugar.”

With that he kisses you passionately and begins hammering into your ass, reaching the deepest spot inside you, feverishly chasing his climax.

Seizing this moment of unity with him, you wrap your arms around his shoulders and hold him tight, while your tongues are moving against each other. You’re gladly letting him take everything from you and soon his muscles tense under your touch and he makes a few hard thrusts and then moans into your mouth and begins spurting ropes of hot cum inside you. He’s filling you up to the brim, his throbbing cock moving in and out of your tight canal, pushing his cum deeper into your stretched ass.

You’re nuzzling his cheek, tasting his skin with your tongue, and the overwhelming feelings in your chest make you forget your complicated relationship with the man stuffing you so well and you purr his name into his ear, softly, gently, pouring so much into these four letters. Joel locks eyes with you, while his cock still twitches inside you from time to time.

His gaze is relaxed, soft and satisfied, rid of the usual sharpness, mockery, guard.

Your throat squeezes and your breath hitches when you realize that you’re staring at someone else, someone deep inside Joel you know and before he disappears, hides behind the wall, you kiss him gently, hug him close, and he gives you all of that back.

A few minutes later Joel’s tucking his cock back into his jeans, groaning about your slick and scratches all over the seat. The asshole is back.

“Maybe ya wanna lick off your mess, angel?”

“Fuck off,” you snap, fixing your clothes, and then get into the front of the truck and carefully sit down on the passenger seat. Your ass is sore and plugged up again with Joel’s cum inside. ”A warm farewell gift for ya,” he laughed.

“Going raw was a mistake,” you complain with a hiss and watch him get behind the wheel with a lit cigarette between his lips.

“Take me to the dorm,” you command and Joel glares at you without moving.

“Please, uncle Joel,” you bat your lashes with exaggeration and he starts the car.

You immediately take out your phone and call Tommy.

“Hey, baby.”

“Daddy! Guess who just fucked my ass!” You chirp with excitement into the speaker.

You hear Tommy chuckling, Joel curses and smiles at you.

“I need the details, baby.”

You give Joel a wink and start talking.

Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

SERIES MASTERLIST I MASTERLIST | Milla’s MASTERLIST

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[creedslove]

BABY BLISS 🍼

Post outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: Tommy's daughter was born a couple of months ago but Joel can't bring himself to be around the baby as painful memories of his late daughter continue to haunt him and you try your best to support him

(This can be read as a continuation of SLEEP BLISS 💤, SHOWER BLISS 🫧 and MOONLIGHT BLISS 🌙 or as a stand alone, it's up to you)

Warnings: established relationship, age gap, fluff, angst, hurt, anxiety attack, talks of pregnancy, as usual, out of character Joel as always lol

A/N: I LOVE JOEL MILLER 🥺😔

2k words

You thought Joel was indestructible. He was fearless, courageous, when needed, he was violent, brutal, mercilessly. You'd seen him take down men and creatures without flinching.

Nothing seemed to faze him, and you were sure he feared nothing in his life.

So watching Joel Miller being scared of a baby was actually pretty funny. At first.

Ever since Maria's and Tommy's baby was born, you'd been to their place a lot of times. You just loved helping them out with the baby, it wasn't the smartest idea to have one during the apocalypse, but then, they were married, in love, safe in a community and who were you to judge after all? Babies represented a new life, a wind of change, so when you saw that beautiful little thing for the first time, your heart melted.

She was an adorable baby, so quiet and small and you loved holding her whenever Maria would let you to.

Her sweet precious Flora smelled really good, you had heard of people talking about how babies smelled good but you didn't think it was true until you held her. You just couldn't get enough of your niece.

Niece.

That made you giggle.

You and Joel finally made things official after he took you on a date. You had been in love with each other for long, but you were both too scared to admit it.

Looking back at things now, you realized how silly it was because of how obvious your feelings for each other were, and you could swear you were the happiest woman in Jackson, as you could be with the man you loved.

But when you saw how happy Maria was with her baby, you realized maybe you were the second happiest woman in town.

The only thing that felt off was Joel's reaction. He never seemed very enthusiastic about the news his brother was going to be a dad, and when Maria finally delivered the baby, he was just in a weird mood. He kept to him, didn't say much, congratulated his brother and took him out for a drink, but he declined when Tommy offered him to hold Flora.

And since then, he kept his distance from the baby. He glanced at her from afar and that was it.

At first you didn't give it much thought, but you began finding it weird, especially after the uncomfortable silence that lingered in the room whenever Joel didn't actually acknowledge his niece.

Tommy didn't pressure him into holding Flora or anything like that, he had an idea why his brother was distant, so he'd rather not go there and make him uncomfortable.

You'd spent the whole after at Maria's while the men were out in town working and doing other tasks. Very often Tommy and Joel went back to some construction jobs, just as before everything went to shit.

He knew you'd stay at his brother's so he'd told you he'd stop by later and you two could walk home together.

Joel was hoping that you'd be good to go once he got there with Tommy, but of course you had to be inside, he sighed and looked around, trying to come up with an excuse so he wouldn't get in, but his brother was already holding the door open for him with a dumb smile and he could hear your voice inside.

The house was silent, the only thing they could hear was your voice, but you weren't speaking, you were humming.

Maria was in a comfortable slumber, she lay on the couch and ended up falling asleep once she saw her baby girl was safe in your arms. She'd spent most nights awake and it was a relief to have you around helping her. She didn't even know how to thank you, but to you, it was such a bliss to take care of Flora.

Joel stepped inside, he swallowed hard the moment he saw you holding the baby. You hummed a lullaby but she wouldn't close her little eyes. Flora was smart and curious, always looking around and cooing at people. He knew you'd already told him he should be a little warmer to her, of course she was a small baby and didn't understand things, but you reminded him maybe Tommy and Maria could be offended if he didn't show any interest in their daughter, after all, she'd been born a couple of months ago and Joel had barely looked at her.

But he didn't want to look at her, because if he did, he would recognize the features he used to love so much and he lost. He didn't want to hold her, because he knew her smell would remind him of the smell of the one he lost for good.

He couldn't do that to himself, he didn't want to live through that pain again, now he was happy and though he would never forget what happened, some days it hurt a little less, because he had you in his life and you made it all easier. But when he saw you holding Flora, he didn't feel strong enough. The way she cooed in your arms and blinked curiously and the way you pecked her forehead so gently, it gutted him.

"Hey princess, that's uncle Joel" you cooed at her and saw her fussing a little before giving him a gummy smile.

You chuckled and got closer "do you wanna hold her?" You offered gently. He saw your eyes sparkling and he wondered if you ever wanted to be a mom, you were a natural with kids, they always seemed to love you and sometimes he closed his eyes and wondered what things would be like if you ended up pregnant, but he dismissed this thought as soon as it appeared.

He could see how happy you were to be holding Flora, and how comfortable you were with a small baby in your arms.

He hadn't told you why he didn't want anything to do with the baby, he knew he was kind of a jerk, but since his brother never brought it up, then he didn't feel the need to explain it.

But when you looked at him that way, it melted his heart, he couldn't bring himself to say no to you. He heard a small coo and looked down onto your eyes, taking a deep breath and extending his.

You didn't think Joel would be willing to pick Flora up, and if he weren't you wouldn't insist it at all, but there he was, surprising you after all. Little Flora settled comfortably in her uncle's arms, her small nose nuzzled his chest as she began closing her eyes feeling sleepy. She looked curiously at him, but he was so warm she couldn't fight sleep for much longer.

Joel was in awe at his niece. She didn't even know him, and yet she trusted him enough to fall asleep, silly little princess, he thought to himself and smiled. She was so soft and small and the warmth in his arms brought him back so many memories he thought they were buried deep.

He didn't know why he was blushing, but he still avoided looking at you or Tommy, wanting to focus only on the beautiful little girl he had in his arms. He scanned her features and smiled at her, closing his eyes as he inhaled her characteristic baby scent.

His heart skipped a beat and his smile died as a lump formed in his throat. He was enjoying the moment, he really was but then everything came back, all at once and the moment he opened his eyes again he didn't see Flora anymore, all he saw was Sarah.

His sweet baby Sarah, it'd been so long and yet there she was in his arms. He felt a pang in his chest, thinking he'd gone crazy. The first time he held her in his arms, her first word which was also the first time she called him dada, the first time she scraped her knee and called for him, the movie nights they had together and finally how he held her limp body against his, the smell of her fresh blood invading his nostrils and how cold she got in his arms.

Joel let out a sob and opened his eyes again, Flora was still asleep but Tommy quickly picked her up from him "I got this" he said in a concerned way as Joel walked out the backdoor.

The lump in his throat was making it impossible for Joel to breath, he placed his hand in his chest, trying to reach for air but his heart hammered faster and faster in his chest. He looked around hoping he could find something to focus and calm down, but it seemed impossible. Tears ran down his cheek as he fought for control but felt he got to a dead end.

You ran to Joel as fast as you could, he was anxious and tense and you didn't know exactly how to help him, your eyes glistened with tears as you saw his own.

Your arms wrapped around his body.

"I'm here Joel, I'm here" you whispered to him and felt him fall onto his knees, you followed him and felt him burying his face into the crook of your neck. You pressed it, caressing his hair so gently, reminding him you were there for him.

"Breath honey, breath" you said as calmly as you could. Joel's grip was tight around your waist and you lost track of how long you stayed there.

•••

The walk home was silent, Joel didn't say anything and you didn't ask. He was embarrassed after what happened, to him it was a sign of weakness and he was sure that changed how you viewed him. He would rather be alone than be with you if you pitied him.

You, on the other hand, didn't want to leave his side at all, you didn't feel sorry for him, you felt love. You felt a burning ache, longing for him. You had seen the most human portrait of Joel someone could ever witness.

He wasn't a murderer, he wasn't cold blooded, he was a wounded man. A man who lost all but somehow made his way back to being happy with you.

Once at home, Joel went to his room and stayed there, complete silence filled the house and though you wanted to give him all the time he needed, at the same time you felt a need to be next to him.

You knocked on his door, and opened it, Joel was sitting on the bed, watching old pictures of Sarah.

You smiled sadly as he hid them quickly. They were his and he never let anyone see them, not even you. And you respected that.

You sat next to him and ran your fingers through his hair, feeling his arm pulling you by the waist as he let his heavy body lay comfortably in bed and pull you closer to him.

"We don't have to talk about what happened if you don't want to… but I want you to know I'm proud of you, proud of how strong you are, Joel" you told him and kissed his lips gently.

You wanted to tell him so many things, you wanted to tell him that you were proud he managed to hold his niece, you wanted to tell him you were sure she was as beautiful as Sarah was and you wanted to tell him if the world wasn't going to shit you would be more than glad in carry his baby, or you would never get pregnant at all, you wanted to tell him you would do anything he wanted you to, because you loved him.

So those were the only words you let it out.

"I love you, Joel"

He looked at you completely silent and pulled you even closer, kissing your forehead and closing his eyes, he wasn't there yet, he wasn't ready to tell you those three words, it could've been superstition, as he lost everyone he's ever loved, so you didn't mind, you respected his silence, because you loved enough for the two of you.

_____

A/N: I love Joel so much

[dnvrsmedia]

Space Girl

Astronaut!Ellie x Astrophysicist!Reader 

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gender non-specific! no gendered terms or pronouns (they/them used)

inspired by the song ‘Space Girl’ by Frances Forever

some lyrics included at the end of the fic!

DISCLAIMER! although i absolutely love space & all things to do with it, i absolutely have no idea how NASA works HAHA. learning abt space & astrophysics is a hobby of mine so please suspend your disbelief on the logistics of it all lol.

°✩₊⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊ °✩₊⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊

From a very young age, Ellie knew what she was destined to do. When it came around to teachers, friends, and Joel asking what she wanted to do when she grew up it was always the same answer. “I’m going to go to space!” She said with a firm face and a serious heart. Yet, only a few people believed she would make it. No one believed that the spunky orphan with anger management troubles would be the one to make it out of the stratosphere.

People say that dreams change. That some dreams are meant to be just that, dreams, yet Ellie was determined to make her dreams a reality. Ellie Williams was a go-getter. When she had her eyes set on something everyone around her knew she was going to have that. Having that mindset has brought her to where she is today, a real-life astronaut at NASA. All the hard work and dedication that the auburn-haired girl spent years to lead up to this moment was finally here. She spent countless sleepless nights in college dreaming about the stars. Hours on the phone with her adoptive father, Joel, ranting to him about all the cool facts she has learned while away from him. So, when Ellie got the offer, she made sure that Joel was the first one she let know.

She can't recall before that moment when she first saw the old man cry, but that day, there was no dry eye between them. She brought him to the same museum he took her to when he adopted her on her 15th birthday. Due to her NASA status and undeniable charm, she was able to bribe the museum guards into allowing her to close the space section just for this moment. Ellie would never admit it, but she had no idea where she would end up if it went for the man himself. He was the one who took the broken-down orphan child with way too much pent-up angst, to a fucking astronaut!

It was her first day in Houston after leaving the small town - Jackson- she grew to love. The town gave her a heartful send-off and enough food and well wishes to fuel a small village. The first official day of training before leaving Earth was tomorrow. Her palms clam up and knots in her stomach arise at the thought. She didn’t want to fuck up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. A sigh releases from her body as she pulls into her new home, a decently nice apartment complex a few miles from the base. Being an orphan who was tossed around from foster home to foster home until the age of 14, Ellie never had a big heart for items. Unlike Joel, Ellie never really found herself keeping too many items. Sure back home in Jackson, Ellie had some nicknacks and things she found enjoyable, but during the moving process, she found herself only really needing to pack up her dingy old truck. Her wallet was thankful for not having to spend extra on movers, yet the depths of her heart yearned for something more. Yearning for a place she could feel like her home. Jackson never felt like hers no matter how long she’s been there. Ellie wonders if that's why she yearns for the stars. The fast

Her calloused hand turns the key in the ignition off.

“Welcome Home, Ellie.” A small smile adorned her face. Yeah, she was ready for the challenge to come.

Droplets of sweat evaporate off of the auburn-haired girl’s body as she finds herself moving in under the hot Houston sun. Although she didn't bring much, Ellie still had quite a time hauling her things into her apartment. Past Ellie thought that it would be a genius idea to ship her furniture before leaving Jackson. Unluckily for her, all of her shit got rerouted due to some error or something? At least that is what the FedEx worker on the phone told her on the phone. She looks around the room with a bit of defeat. She has all of the “essentials” she told herself to bring with her in the back of her truck. These items include all of her gaming devices and gear, comic collection, clothes, TV, and the fuck ton of snacks she got from Jacksonites. Nowhere included in her array of shit was a bed nor a chair.

“Fuck!” Ellie yelled outside her door. Of course, everything had to go to shit the second she got here. The sound of someone clearing their throat snapped Ellie out of her self-pity party of one. A person of seemingly the same age as her stood before her with a concerned look on their face. Ellie’s face heats up in embarrassment.

“Oh uh, I’m Y/N… I live in 112 B. I heard you moving in and wanted to check in on you. Is everything okay?” You rock on your heels. Ellie takes you in with wide eyes. She doesn’t think that she has met anyone more beautiful than the person standing in front of her. You were in your casual wear since it was a Sunday afternoon, yet she looked at you like you created the sun and all of its stars. After realizing that she is standing before you with her hin to her jaw (like an idiot) she finally introduces herself.

“Oh! Sorry!” Ellie scratches the back of her neck– a nervous tick she does– “I’m Ellie,” Her calloused hand reaches out to give yours a shake. ‘Are all hands normally this soft or are they just godly?’ Ellie wonders.

“I’m okay! Well, minus the movers losing my shit and bringing it back to Wyoming. I don't have a bed and my first day of work at my new job is tomorrow so I’m just stressed.” Ellie finally allows herself to breathe after going on that tangent. You let out a short giggle at her frazzled state. Ellie’s frown turns into a small smile before she bursts out in a fit of giggles herself.

“What a welcome that is, huh? It’s okay, Ellie. When I first came to Houston, I completely had no idea what to wear for work and I was the only one under the age of 60 wearing a pantsuit.” Your smile sends a pang to Ellie’s heart. Maybe this won't be a terrible time living here. A laugh erupts from her belly

“Oh, that must’ve been terrible, thanks for that.” Ellie’s gaze lowers to her beat-up converse as she tries to calm her beating heart.

“Anytime, and um, Ellie? Would you maybe want to grab a coffee with me?”

You rush out in hopes that she doesn’t reject you. Ellie kind of stares at you, not sure if she heard you correctly or if her sleep-deprived delusions were messing with her.

“Or not, I mean I totally understand how difficult moving is. If it helps, I have my old blowup mattress and some sheets and pillows to spare in the meantime you can use.”

Embarrassment floods your body. What were you thinking? Now, you are gonna have to see her every time you leave your room and be reminded of the time you got rejected.

Ellie’s eyes shoot wide open with her eyebrows to the sky.

“No!”

Your face immediately sinks at her answer. Ellie shakes her head furiously, god she is such a loser.

“No! I mean yes! I’d love to go grab a coffee with you. I’d also love to take you up on that blowup bed offer. The least I could do is buy you a coffee, yeah?”

Your smile reappears on your face as you nod in agreement.

You ended up taking your car to your favorite coffee joint near work. There was a small shopping center filled with cute local small businesses that you thought Ellie might enjoy looking at as you sipped your respective drinks. You had gotten to know the freckled-faced woman the longer you two strolled along the plaza together. Her bashful smile that adorned her face after she mentions something that she is passionate about was probably your favorite part about her. She was so intriguing to you like you had known each other all of your lives.

“So, what made you make the move to Houston?”

Ellie sipped on the last bit of her iced coffee. She practically gulped all of the sweetened caffeinated drink down after the first sip. She stated that it was “the best she has ever had.”

“Oh, for work actually! I work uh for the government.” You start to feel yourself becoming shy. You hated mentioning that you worked at NASA. Not because you weren’t proud of your job, but because you had this irrational fear that everyone believed that you were bragging.

Ellie’s eyebrows furrowed in thought.

“That is so very vague, Y/N” She laughs. “What, you a government spy or something? You working for the FBI? The CIA?”

Now it was your time to laugh. Ellie had a way of bringing you out of your insecure shell only with hours of meeting you. You shake your head.

“Hmm…any other acronyms?” She asks.

“Actually, uh yeah.” You laugh. “And it has nothing to do with spy stuff. I actually work at NASA.” You proudly smile, your job was something you had dreamed about ever since you were little. Being in Houston and working with the people you do made your inner child beam. Ellie stops in her tracks as a look of shock spreads across her face.

“You’re fucking with me, no way!” She shouts in the store, customers turning and scolding her with their eyes. You laugh and shake your head.

“No, I promise I am not.” You laugh once again. “I’m an astrophysicist.” The proud look not leaving your face; feeling more comfortable with sharing after hearing Ellie’s response to your career.

Ellie’s hands find themselves on your shoulders as she gently shakes you.

“No way! I start at NASA tomorrow! I’m going to space!” She smiles widely, you can tell how passionate she is just from those words. Now it was your turn to let out a gasp.

“You’re an astronaut!?” You yell rather loudly. For the second time, the patrons of the store are not loving your outbursts.

Ellie gives you her toothy smile as she nods like a maniac.

Since that day, both you and Ellie have been inseparable. Having your familiar face around made Ellie feel a lot more at ease in her first few months. Whenever she had a break from the training she would sneak off to your desk with your favorite snack. Oblivious to her charm, her presence usually waned for the other women in your department to throw themselves at her— something you were not very fond of. Sometimes she got to work at the same time as you, those times being her favorite. Not just because she was able to sleep in a bit more, but because of the little routine the two of you worked up together. Just shy of a week of Ellie living across the hall from you, you both traded spare apartment keys in case of emergencies…or at least that is the reason why she gave you one. On days like these, Ellie would get ready and let herself into your apartment as you made breakfast for the two of you. To repay you for your service, Ellie would then drive the pair of you to your spot– the coffee shop you showed her on her first day in Houston. She then would pay for your beverage before bringing you both to work.

“See you in a bit, space girl!” You smiled over your shoulder as you made your separate way to your desk.

Space girl; that was the nickname you gave her after her third week of being here. The nickname made her cheeks hurt from her mouth involuntarily smiling at you.

When Ellie got to work hands-on with you, she couldn’t help but admire. There was just something about seeing you in your element that made her heart beat a little faster. Having someone else who was passionate about the things she was, just made her fall. Hard.

Six months before Ellie was scheduled to explore the stars above, you noticed that her attention would always wander while she was with you. Whenever you did catch her spacing out–pun intended– you liked to ask if her head was in the clouds.

Ellie responds with a smile, “No, but they are in the stars.” Her Ellie Williams smirk makes way to her freckle-filled face.

Yet, behind her flirtatious exterior, Ellie was worried. Her heart yearned for you at every waking moment. She was with you whenever she wasn’t training for her year-long trip. A trip that she has dreamed of making since she was a young girl. She wanted you to be hers, yet she could not bring herself into asking you to be hers. Making you wait a year while she’s miles and miles away felt incredibly unfair. Her leg bounces as her teeth pick at the thin skin of her plush lips as you both sit on her couch watching a movie. Your hand makes its way to her bouncing thigh in hopes to calm the green-eyed girl down.

“Alright, El, talk to me.” You pick up the remote in between you to pause the romcom you begged her to watch with you. You noticed that she has been a bit off for the last few weeks. The two of you would share a moment, you practically begging her to kiss you, and then she would revert herself to the time you first met. You thought that it was just her exhaustion from work, or the anxiety due to take off.

Ellie's thigh came to a halt, her body tensing at being caught. One thing that Ellie came to learn is that it was increasingly hard to lie to you. She found herself always wanting to be honest with you, so as the months have gone by, as her feelings grew, it was harder to hide them from you.

Ellie shakes her head and mumbles a very non-committed, “S’ nothin’.”

Your eyes roll so hard you swear they’d fall out of your sockets and onto the ground. You take her hands in yours as you try to gain her eye contact. Once that doesn’t work, you remove one hand from hers to caress her cheek every so gently. Your soft fingertips grasping her cheek as you turn her chin towards your face. Ellie’s furrowed eyebrows slowly loosen as she sees the worried expression on your face.

“C’mon, you can tell me.” You pout; wanting nothing more than to ease any worry within the girl before you.

An overwhelming sense of warmth encompasses Ellie as her eyes dart from your lips to your eyes, and to your lips once more before she pulls you in for a fairytale kiss. It felt like a mini-universe was being made between the two of you once her lips connected with yours. Months of yearning all poured into this one kiss. It was full of passion as the auburn-haired woman deepened her mouth into yours, her hands trailing up the sides of your body as she pulled you in close to her. God, did Ellie feel stupid. She could have had you this close to her for months if she only had the courage. Your free hand moves to the nape of her neck as you massage her baby hairs. A sigh of contentment slips out of her mouth; you could physically feel the tension in her body melt with every stroke of her head.

You pull away due to lack of oxygen as Ellie's lips trail, not wanting to pull away. You giggle as she pecks your lips, obsessed with the way they feel. Ellie finally allows the both of you to move from each other's lips before she kisses your cheek. Her face beat red and her lips plump from the make-out session you just had.

“That was-” You look up at her dreamily, you finally got the girl.

“Amazing.” Ellie smiles brightly. “I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner, it's just– leaving for the year with little communication isn’t really appealing for a relationship.” Ellie blushes and looks away from your eyes. You were having none of that as you scoop hair behind her ear, her eyes trailing back to yours.

“I’m not an everyday person, I work at NASA with you,” You laugh at her bashfulness. “Plus, you are worth it, Space girl. I’ll be here waiting for you. I’m yours.”

Space Girl, I saw a lunar eclipse

Looked like how I feel 'bout your lips

Space Girl, the only way that we'd end

Was if you were sucked into a black hole

But I'd still spend my days dreaming 'bout you

Dreaming bout you… ๋࣭ ⭑

[spookykoolkat]

the red j.m | chapter two

CHAPTER TWO: HELL ABOVE

series masterlist | main masterlist

previous chapter | next chapter

pairings: older!joel miller x plus sized!younger!reader

chapter summary: it's week one staying jackson with none other than joel miller himself, and it's nerve wracking. in a new town, with new people, and living under the roof of the most intolerable man ever—you struggle to feel comfortable, to feel like you belonged. joel doesn't make it easier on you either.

warnings: mean joel, mentions of death, grief, loneliness, and mentions of su*cidal ideation and attempt.

wc: 4k-ish

na: this is like the slowest burn i've ever done BUT I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS 🖤 the next chapter will be out soon but omg tysm for all the love i enjoy every comment i get and feel so warm when i get reblogs i love u guys i promise SMUT soon!!! heehhehehe they're just stubborn these characters ��🏻‍♀️

YOU

november 20th, 2024.

it was your first week staying in jackson, under joel’s watch. maria decided it was best you had people around you while you were here, and it seemed like the person you could tolerate the most was joel.

they were wrong unfortunately. even after your breakdown in the infirmary, you wanted nothing to do with joel or anyone here. still, you were so adamant on being alone. without wanting to admit it, you knew you had demons that were bigger than the people around you. every time you went down, you dragged people down with you. now you’re expected to live in a community with good people that want to help?

joel wasn’t too happy either, fighting with his brother about the fact that whether he liked it or not, he could talk some sense into you regardless. he already had ellie to watch for, to take care of, now he has to babysit you. it wasn’t that he hated you, he hated the fact that you and him were too much alike. he hated the fact that he wanted to leave you there first. not only that, but ellie took a strong favor to you. He was barely getting used to having ellie in his life, and now there’s another body walking around the empty house.

maybe the universe played into your favor when you found out joel lived with a small girl, ellie. you assumed if joel of all people could have a daughter and be a father, there was some good in his heart. but you knew it only extended for her and his brother. you knew joel was just as dark souled as you, maybe even more.

you walked behind joel passing the buildings, homes, and people as they build and construct around the area. you were nervous, as joel nodded towards tommy who was standing on a tall platform.

“tommy ain’t putting you on patrol for a while, not sure they can trust you with a gun,” joel said as he took a suitcase filled with essentials that maria packed for you a few days after she made sure you were a little more clear headed.

he finally stopped in front of a two story house that looked like it had wear and tear, but you saw the small fix ups that were patched up or replaced on the house, like how the gutter’s not matching the same shade. the entire neighborhood was painted in snow though, everything was frozen while there were some small christmas decorations people found. it felt real to you, safe.

“guess i’ll just get bit by those fuckers if they find a way in,” you rolled your eyes as you gripped the cuffs of your black sweater.

“or killed by raiders or something, you know, shit like that.” you couldn’t help yourself, it was coming out before you could stop and joel just gave you a hard look. but you knew he knew you were right, which is why he shut up and led you into the house.

the two of you walked inside and you took in the scent of coffee and smoke. smelled better than rotting flesh. it was a rustic home, dark and near gothic, but something you’d see in a movie about vampires maybe. you liked it. it felt warm and safe, inviting but with an edge.

“it’s okay you can borrow one of mine,” a girl said coming from the back hall, hair tugged into a ponytail and wearing a long sleeve shirt with jeans. ellie heard the bickers from the window, and decided to take it upon herself to save you. you smiled at the girl, assuming this is the ellie joel mentioned.

“no, ellie, i mean it,” joel demanded, grabbing your new belongings and dragging it upstairs.

“i’m ellie, are you the girl they found? said you almost died,” ellie said nonchalantly and your lips quirked up into a small smile, heart warming at the young girl. something was a little off though, you could sense a small unwavering tension between the girl and joel.

“i am the girl they found,” you said and introduced yourself, a hand reaching for hers.

ellie doesn’t take long to show you around the very rustic house with intricate detailing on the trim, a fireplace in the average sized library, the only two bathrooms in the house and the backyard patio as well. ellie also makes it known that half of the things that seemed like they were here before, weren’t and it was joel who rebuilt the roof and the patio outside. also noted that joel is the one who cuts their firewood even though she’s insisted she can do it.

“he doesn’t trust me with much but, i find my way,” ellie smiles and you smiled with her.

“you and me both.”

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

you settled in your room, not too small but you weren’t really in the mood to care where you were. as long as you had a bed, a toilet, and a fan. which you did. it didn’t take you long to rummage through your backpack for the walkman that maria fixed, sliding in the cassette and listening through the dainty headphones. it was etta james, your mother’s collection of music that you managed to steal on your way out of your childhood home.

you thought about your mom a lot. your family of course, but your mom the most. you were the only child, and when everything happened your mother protected you with her life. your father took the manly duties of hunting and looking for things you needed to survive, trading, leading the two of you to the QZ just to be somewhere that was safe.

but it wasn’t safe. and your mother knew it. arguments would erupt about it, your mother wanted to leave but your father didn’t. you didn’t know who was right. you didn’t know how to survive on your own, you weren’t ready to lose your parents.

you just stared, your eyes drying up from the lack of blinking. you were too deep in thought when joel knocked on your bedroom door, not getting a response and it worried him. he walked in slowly announcing himself so that if you would know, but still nothing.

you didn’t even notice joel standing in your room, waving his hand trying to get your attention.

“jesus, what the fuck?” you said slipping off the headphones as you sit on the edge of your bed.

“we’re all goin’ to the diner for dinner, so come down,” he said and you shook your head.

“i’m good here, thanks,” you said and he scoffed.

“you ain’t got a choice.” you rolled your eyes and huffed, looking down at your feet. you felt like a fucking kid.

you just wanted to sleep, you wanted to stay holed up in this room until you figure out where you’ll go after this. you knew you didn’t want to stay too long here. you stayed quiet as you walked downstairs, and you stayed quiet on the way out of the house and into the small neighborhood of houses. lights hung over the area, snow fell down slower to you here for some reason, and you heard the unbothered chatter and laughter throughout the street. it was strange.

everyone called it the diner, but really it was like just a dinner hall. a place where food was served for breakfast, lunch and dinner and occasional snacks like nuts and berries. it sufficed, and it was the best reminder of what it was like being a civilized community. you just couldn’t help but feel so out of place, so unwanted. you knew tommy and maria wanted you to stay, but joel was a little hard to get used to. It’s not like you haven’t been unwanted before, you just didn’t know why it felt so different coming from a man like joel.

joel and ellie were in front of you chatting about his new patrol route, and when’s the soonest she can start settling into her own. he says something about her being too young to be put in classes for it right now, and you absentmindedly laughed at it.

“somethin’ funny back there?” joel said, turning his head to you quickly before looking back to the buildings passing by.

“no such thing as being too young in this world. she’ll learn sooner or later, hell she probably already knows.” you said matter of factly and he looked at ellie, then looked at you and stopped. you almost ran into his back before you stopped yourself.

“ellie, go on inside tell tommy we’ll be there in just a minute,” a part of you wanted to ask what part of texas he was from, maybe you were from there too. his southern accent was one of few, including yours.

you looked at ellie and she put her lips into a thin line, looking a little apologetic before leaving to walk a few more steps and into a brightly lit cafeteria.

“if you’re gonna be stayin’ with us, i don’t want none of this shit. just because you had it rough being a kid in this world don’t mean she’s got to.” he said firmly, pointing slightly in the direction of ellie. you furrow your brows, looking at the snow past him.

“i’d rather my kid know how to protect herself in case this little bullshit fantasy world you got here turns to shit.” you spit and looked back at him. he was almost fuming now. you could see the heat rise to his cheeks as he clenched his jaw.

“she ain’t my kid, and it ain't up to you.” he said, stepping back from you.

“i don’t care if she was your sister, everyone needs to know how to protect themselves. especially a little girl like that. even if you do have a safe world here in this little town, there are still evil fuckin’ people.” you argued and tried to walk past him, but he lightly gripped your arm.

“look, just, keep it to yourself a’right? she’s got enough goin on, don't need you in her ear makin’ shit worse for her.” he said coldly, making you wanted to back away from him and retreat.

“of course, because i’m the one you need to worry about, get off of me,” you said and looked away, snatching your arm away from him and walking into the diner without him.

you didn’t know how to feel about joel and this new arrangement. a part of you was taking it out on him when in most people’s eyes, he’s trying to help you. it just didn’t feel like help coming from him. it felt like it was his obligation, he had to, and if it was up to him you’d be frozen food for animals wandering around the commune.

and he made it fucking hard to like him or feel grateful. it feels like you got stuck with the asshole neighbor to babysit you, in fact that’s basically what it is.

it was a large place, chairs and tables put in rows while leaving a walkway to the line for food. you spotted tommy, maria and ellie sitting at a long table with a few other people, and your tummy churned. you hadn’t been around other people in a long time, not like this. maybe since you were a kid, other than that you walked around and hid and fought by yourself, or you had someone and they didn’t make it. you always ended up alone, in every scenario.

“c’mon,” his gruff voice said behind you, ghosting his hand over your back to guide you to the table. you jerked away from his hand, and he noticed. he pulled his hand back quickly and created a distance between the two of you.

“this is too much,” you breathe as you slowly walk to the table with him still behind you.

“you gonna stand there and panic or what?” he taunted and you huffed. fucking asshole.

the anxiety bubbled up within you again, realizing you haven’t been around this many people in a long time. but you were here, there was no going back. you kept walking and finally reached the table where they looked like they were waiting for you two. tommy and maria gave you a smile and you returned one back, going to sit next to ellie while joel sat in front of you, next to tommy.

“how’d you settle in?” maria asked, hand on her belly with the other entangled in tommy’s.

“fine,” you said and looked at her, “thank you for the suitcase, by the way. i appreciate it.”

it was genuine. you did appreciate it because only god knows you needed more tampons and underwear. fuck, just basic hygienic items. you were more than grateful, but still weary. you felt on high alert, honestly the right term was paranoid. and everyone saw it.

you were practically hugging yourself tight in the chair, almost fearful for someone to come close. joel saw it too.

“of course, anything you need you let me know, and tommy or joel,” maria said and smiled as she got up, leading tommy to stand as well. you weren’t sure how reliable joel would be to you, but you just nodded anyways.

“let’s eat, yeah?” she said and before anyone else could stand, ellie stood and immediately walked into the line to get a plate. you followed after tommy and maria, and joel followed you. he just kept watch on you. nervous and like you, paranoid.

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

“so, where are you from?” ellie asked as she dug into the mashed potatoes, stuffing it in her mouth.

“ellie,” joel warns and she looked at him, defeated.

“what? i just wanna know, she sounds like you,” she observed and maria smiled at ellie’s usual behavior.

“i’m uh, from texas. i was born in el paso but moved to austin when i was 3.” you responded. you figured it didn’t do any harm, if anything maybe it’s best the people that are letting you stay with them know who you are and where you’re from.

you noticed the shared glances between joel and tommy, then looked back down at your plate to poke at the broccoli.

“that’s weird, joel and tommy are from austin too,” ellie pointed out and joel looked at ellie hard, a second warning.

“how did you and ellie find each other, joel?” you asked, a little comfortable to ask your own questions. tommy looks at you with a look you can’t necessarily decipher and begins to open his mouth before joel talks first.

“mission gone wrong. ended up back here afterwards, bout a year ago.” he said curtly and you nodded, eating your dinner. he wasn't one for talking, and neither were you, but he seemed so irritated by your new presence.

you noticed the shared look between joel and ellie. it was unsure, weary.

more conversations erupt afterwards, tommy going into how maria’s appointment went and occasionally saying hi to those who pass by with their plates. you don’t pay much attention unfortunately, you kind of stay in your own mind after mentioning where you lived.

you were still sitting next to ellie, and maria sat on the other side of ellie, tommy sat in front of maria and joel sat in front of ellie. you felt a little emptiness as you realized you didn’t have much to say when thinking about when it all happened. it’s like you can’t move on, like you can’t get your mind around it.

you wished you could move on and accept the small beauties in this life, admire the new growth of plants and grass, enjoy the christmas like feel of the town in the snow, accept that there’s people wanting to help you. it felt too good to believe, so you were hesitant.

you felt joel’s eyes on you most of the night, flickering between you and ellie as the night fell longer. you wanted to ask him why he was looking at you so much, why he was so tense and angry looking. maybe that’s just how he looked.

it wasn’t long before everyone parted ways and maria pulled you to the side before leaving.

“how are you holding up? is joel treating you okay?” she asked and you stuffed your hands in the pocket of your black jacket.

“i’m okay, joel’s fine. not the most cheerful man but who is?” you said and gave a small smile, watching maria watch you. you were lying, and she could tell so she gave you a small pat on the arm. you flinched away from the touch but she still did it anywaye.

“if you want, and if you’ll stay, i can let you take patrol classes to be out there again next month. if i can trust you.” she said and you looked at joel who was talking to ellie, waiting for you.

“is it worth it?” you asked her, expecting her to know what you mean. “like, going back out there. finding other places. is it worth it?”

she thought about it a little. “only if you want to be alone.”

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

you thought about it on the way back to your new living space. did you want to be alone? was it worth being alone? you didn’t know and as you sulked on your bed, looking outside of the window directly across from you, you wondered what your life would’ve looked like if the world never ended.

to you, it ended. you wanted to believe it was judgment day rather than an incurable fungus. maybe it was god, the universe, maybe it was meant to happen.

but how? babies, kids, teens, mothers, fathers—dead and gone and for what? you were so angry at the world still. so angry for losing, so angry for being powerless in all of this. maybe the world would suck less with someone in your life. maybe if you had something to fight for, like joel said, it’d make more sense.

another knock on your door and without moving, you murmur a small come in. joel walked through the threshold, letting the door stay open a crack as he sits on the ottoman pressed against the wall of the window.

“you feelin’ better?” he choked out slightly, looking at you. he looked like he was almost pushed in here by someone, forced to say things he didn't want to say. maybe it was ellie who told him to check on you.

“are you asking if i still wanna kill myself?” you asked, leaning against the bed frame at the end of your bed.

“no, i don’t.” you said, referring to both questions. joel waited a bit before he responded.

“being angry all the time ain’t changin’ nothing you know that right? spending your days mad at the world, it’s still gonna be the same tomorrow and the next day.” this was his way of comforting, kind of stating the obvious.

“being that angry is just gonna kill ya,”

but he was so cold it was like trying to get a hug from a cactus. you eyed him, wondering if those are the words he should choose right now. you didn’t take him for a happy man.

“when you left austin, you were angry right? angry at the world?” you asked, looking at the wooden floor.

“yes, but-” he began but you cut him off. you weren’t letting him win this.

“and how old were you?” you asked. he knew where you were going with this. he knew it wasn’t the same.

“you had time to process it. you had the chance to be angry when all of this shit first happened. i was five, joel. i didn’t have time to be a kid, i didn’t have time to be angry then. i didn’t know what the fuck was happening. until everyone around me died,” you paused and looked at him. his gaze was still hard but he looked like he was thinking.

“i was her age when everyone around me died, and i had to be on my own. and i’ve had people in my life after. not all of them good. i’ve been hurt, violated–i didn’t have a protector like she did. does. i know everyone has their sob story. i’m allowed to be angry.” you finished and sighed, rubbing your forehead.

you didn’t know what else to say. you were just so angry, now at him.

“i’m sorry. you didn’t deserve that, you know. you should’ve, y’know, been able to be a kid.” this wasn’t his thing. you could tell. but he was trying, and he really didnt know what to say either.

“yeah,” you agreed and finally acknowledged that it was just him and you in this room. the silence made it too obvious, and you kind of pulled your body into yourself.

“i’m gonna get some sleep, be best if you do too,” his southern accent sounded thick, sounded so sharp that you felt like you could listen to it for hours. you always enjoyed the southern twang of your own accent, but hearing his felt different.

“should i stay, joel? would you leave, if you were me?” you asked before he grabbed the handle after standing up, and he turned to look at you.

“i don’t know,” he said. he wasn’t going to be the blame for you making a mistake that you regretted. he wasn't going to be anything more than a provider while you were under his watch, he wasn’t someone to give advice.

“goodnight, joel.” you said coldly, moving off the bed and crawling into the covers. he stepped out of your new room, saying nothing. you wanted to cry. everything was so cold around you, so uncomfortable.

you were confused. and you were alone, at that. your loneliness never felt like this before, and it hurt. you missed your mother, you missed your father. you missed normalcy, you missed not having to fight for yourself 24/7. you were tired and joel was humbling you. he was waking you up to reality, that nobody will be there for you other than yourself.

he was showing you that not everybody cares about sob stories. if your pain outweighed another person’s pain. he was showing you that you only have yourself in the end, to depend on and fight for.

a part of him did want you to stay. he knew all too well what the world held for you outside of these walls. he knew you'd get yourself killed out there, and for some reason he felt too guilty to not encourage you to stay. he wanted to somehow keep you safe too, even if it’s not him doing it. but a part of him wondered if he had to keep you safe from yourself, if you were the biggest threat to your own safety—or if he was.

you knew what the world held for you too. absolutely nothing. you felt like you were living in hell. it held nothing for you, nothing but constantly battling to fight for your survival. it felt like hell because it seemed like your worst days were on repeat, replaying for you to relive it all over again. your days felt the same. still not a day went by without having some sort of blood shed.

constantly being paranoid, wondering if there was someone in the darkness of the woods watching you like prey. you hadn't known peace for such a long time, and here it was in the guise of a bitter old man with a pretend daughter.

he didn’t know how long it’d be before he was the reason you were hurt, lost, or worse.

there were things you didn’t know, things he didn’t want you to know and if you did, you’d flee again. as you should. he was a monster. but he was scared, and he’s been scared since ellie came into his life.

he was feeling it again. the attachment, the tugging at his heart and lungs. seeing you, he was uneasy again. he was worried if he’d be the reason for things going wrong after deciding to stay. he didn’t know if it was the best thing, to trust him.

he didn’t know if it was the best thing to trust you.

[divinehedons]

i propose: self-deprecating king joel miller dealing with the fact that he gets to have you, goddess divine and eternal.

we're talking about a man who felt too old taking care of baby ellie despite being the most girl-dad girl-dad there is. we're talking about a man who has spent twenty years of the end of the world keeping to himself and pushing people away because he thinks it would make things better.

so when you came, doe-eyed angel with the libido of the devil, it would have taken no time for him to start thinking why you would be better off with someone else. he's fuckin' ancient, knees always aching, and... things don't work as they used to anymore. he's not the gunslinging knight he once was some age ago. and whether or not you admit it, he's an old man who sleeps in more and more the longer you date.

all that doubt comes seeping out one evening in jackson, when you're both walking home after a night out on the town. "sorry to cut the fun short, doll," he had been saying, arm around you as you huddle closer for warmth. "and for an achin' hip, nonetheless."

you laugh, moving to squeeze his hip with one hand as you shake your head. "are you kidding? my feet are both cold and hurt. i'm glad you suggested it."

a long breath emanates from him, painted by a cloud of fog in the cold night. "just feels like i'm not lettin' you have your fun." you know that tone, that unassuming, almost invisible shadow of self-deprecation you've been hearing more and more nowadays. and, knowing he'd feel worse if you mentioned it, you were momentarily struck by a legible course of action.

and then it comes naturally to you.

you squeeze his hand, planting a warm kiss to his stubble with a chuckle. "you now what sounds good? cuddling in bed while we're waiting for a pot of coffee to brew." you feel his cheeks spread unconsciously, a chuckle escaping him before he could stop it.

you take care of him that evening, telling him to prepare the bed, saying, "i wanna do it, baby, pleaaaase!" you both stay up, reminiscing the memories you shared, your laughter barely muffled, knowing the two of you are entirely isolated in your own little world.

"you know how i knew i was in love with you?" you whisper, snuggling into his side as you both hid under the covers. "when you patiently taught me how to hunt. that, no matter how clumsy i was, you cared enough for me." you kiss him chastely, feeling sleep creep into your skin as your eyes turn heavy. "and i thought to myself: dear god, you deserve the world."

with a final giggle, you succumb to your exhaustion.

"and you always will, joel."

[theresawritesstuff]

Maisel: Always finding excuses to stay with each other

More season 5 fix it ficlet

Ever since he'd gotten back from California, Midge had seldom passed a night without winding up in Lenny's arms. 

It started innocently enough. A drink after her set. A heart to heart.

Another hotel room. 

The walls weren't blue this time but the activities certainly still were.

Another show (his this time). Another drink. 

Her parents were out of town. Joel had the kids.

And so it became another very blue night in a not so blue room.

They went on like this for weeks, pulling out nearly every excuse in the book just as to why they should stay close to one another as the evening drew to a close.

Some schmuck was making a pass at her and not taking the hint.

He was avoiding running into an old dealer.

They needed coffee but not diner coffee.

She was cold.

It looked like rain. Somewhere. Probably.

On and on and on.

The excuse itself hardly mattered. They both knew the real reason they always left together. Always ended the night wrapped up in the other's embrace.

They just weren't brave enough to say it.

Until the night before he had to leave again.

"I've been thinking…" Midge ventured as they lay sated from yet another round in her bed.

Lenny lolled his head over to look at her.

She kept her eyes fixed on the ceiling. "They've got phones in California, right?"

"So I've been told," he replied.

"And planes that travel in both directions."

Lenny propped himself on an elbow, giving her his full attention.

"...Maybe we should use them." She turned hesitantly, meeting his eyes. "It would be tough being on opposite coasts, sure, but we could try…"

"What are you saying, Midge?"

She bit her lip, looking down at the mattress as she summoned all her courage.

"I'm saying I don't want another nebulous goodbye. And as fun as this has been, I need more than just I'll see you when I see you because… I think I'm in love with you, Lenny."

"Which orgasm finally did the trick?" he wondered impishly.

A chuckle rumbled in his chest as she swatted him in reprimand, pulling her in close to himself as he placed a tender kiss to her lips. "I love you, too."

He exhaled a sigh, trailing his fingers lazily along her hairline. 

"You know, I realized something the other night," he admitted quietly.

She looked up into his eyes, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I realized I haven't been arrested once in the time I've been back. Not on any night I thought I might get the pleasure of your company."

"Three whole weeks," she praised teasingly. "Is that a new record for you?"

Lenny chuckled, absently tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Something like that."

"And seeing little old me was all it took?" 

She smirked, putting on her best Lenny impression, "So sorry officer. Can't tonight. I've got a hot date later. If you want to book me you'll need to talk to my manager."

"I must be better behaved when properly motivated," he shrugged.

"So I should write you a few blowjob IOUs to keep you out of trouble on the west coast?" she quipped.

"No I–well I mean it wouldn't hurt if you're serious, but what I meant is you're good for me, Midge. Probably too good."

She smiled softly tucking herself against his chest, listening to the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat.

"You should know I've been hopelessly in love with you for quite some time now," he murmured. "Nice knowing it's finally reciprocated."

"Very much so." 

She worried her lip quietly before asking, "You're really up for this? Giving a bi-coastal romance a go?"

Lenny shrugged, holding her a little tighter.

"It won't be so bad. Kitty's school lets out for the summer next month. After that I was thinking we might see how the east coast treats us for a while. There's a place in the village I think I could swing now. We could… I dunno. Take the kids to Coney Island or something. Go to dinner a couple times. See how this works long term."

Midge smiled at the thought. "I'd love that."

"Then it's settled. A month long distance."

"Calling now on the table," she reminded him.

"I think we could manage it."

"There's always letters too if the time difference gets tricky."

Lenny smirked, shifting so that he could kiss her properly again. "I promise to pen you the most salacious notes to ever grace your mailbox."

She felt herself grin, resting her forehead to his. "Can't wait."

[lgbtqmanga]

New Releases July 11th, 2023

Acid Town vol. 1 by Kyugo

In a city where lawlessness rules, Yuki and his best friend Tetsu attempt to rob the headquarters of the local Seidoukai in order to steal money to pay for Yuki's little brother's hospital bill. The mission is a failure, but piques the interest of mob boss Kazutaka Hyodo. He offers Yuki a deal; come to visit him once a week, and he'll take care of his brother's fees. Yuki accepts this arrangement without question, and so makes his first visit...

BARBARITIES vol. 3 by Tsuta Suzuki

As advisor to King Chris, Joel is one of the few people in the kingdom looking out for the young boy’s best interests. When a conspiracy to overthrow Chris gains power, Joel is caught in the crossfire. With enemies everywhere, Joel realizes that Adam, his dashing bodyguard, may in fact be the only person he can rely on. Will this realization finally allow Joel to admit his true feelings for the other man?

Finder Deluxe Edition vol. 12: Embrace by Ayano Yamane

After their big showdown with the Russian mob, Asami and Akihito find themselves injured and once again separated, and it takes six long months of recuperating and searching before Asami is able to locate Akihito. As expected, the two have a passionate reunion... until Akihito pulls out a knife and attempts to kill Asami!

I Should Not Love You by Chise Ogawa

Since he was little, Taisei Fujima has been known as the pretty boy in his town, and throughout his pampered and self-indulgent life thus far, there has only been one thing standing in his way: Keita Okachimachi, his former middle school classmate.

Therefore, when Taisei is once again reunited with Okachimachi, after three long years apart, Taisei can’t help but get riled up. And thus begins Taisei’s grand plan for revenge...! Except, something’s wrong. Even though he loathes Okachimachi with every fiber of his being, why is Taisei’s heart beating so fast that he can hardly think straight.

“Don’t tell me I’ve fallen in love with him—?!”

Twilight Out of Focus vol. 2 by Jyanome

Jin Kikuchihara, third-year director, main actor, and president of the film club, and second-year director Giichi Ichikawa see eye-to-eye on very little. Jin is flashy, flirty, and focused on keeping everyone happy, while Giichi expects the best from himself and others, and will compromise nothing to see his vision through. Constantly at each other’s necks, the two can hardly stand to be in the same club. But what will happen when family trouble forces them to live in the same room? Will their shared interests bring them closer as friends, push them further apart as rivals, or something else entirely?

World's Greatest First Love vol. 16 by Shungiku Nakamura

Manga editor Ritsu Onodera believes his high school friend Nao took care of him after he collapsed due to exhaustion while working for Marukawa Publishing’s Emerald shojo magazine. But he discovers it was actually Masamune Takano, his boss - and first love! - who nursed him back to health.

Ritsu decides that he’s finally going to tell Takano how he feels, but first he has to explain to Nao, who has already confessed his own love for Ritsu, that he and Nao can’t live together anymore. Will Ritsu be able to go through with it and finally confess to Takano?!

[thedo0zyslider]

Old King of Mesa's Past

Empires smp fic, 1k words. AO3 Link

When Jimmy woke up that morning he wasn’t expecting..whatever the hell the day would soon bring him. 

The day started out normal of course, most of his weird days started out normal. It was never Jimmy, or his beloved Tumble Town, that made them abnormal. Iit was always the other empires who infected his life with their weirdness. And “other empires” usually meant Joel and Sausage. Though Oli did occasionally pop by. But Oli wasn’t only bringing weirdness into Jimmy’s life, he was just a weird guy in general, and every empire got their own little taste of Olipeilgo strangeness. 

 Today, and by extension everyday that week, seemed to be both a Joel and Sausage weirdness day. It started originally when Jimmy had started offering other emperors vacation homes in his empire. And no matter what Fwhip said it was totally not a scheme to get other people to build his empire for him. Absolutely not. Maybe part of it was Jimmy’s desire to actually have people in his empty town, but he wouldn’t admit that to anyone, not even himself. 

Now to be fair, Jimmy had invited the weirdness into his life this time. He knew Sausage was frankly one of the best builders the world had ever seen, and he wanted some of that glorious Sanctuary architecture in his own empire. So he’d invited Sausage over to build his own little vacation home. His fellow emperor had done quite a great job, somehow even better than Jimmy expected. He made the house look like it was straight from Sanctuary, while still fitting in with the rustic, wild west aesthetic of Tumble Town. It made Jimmy’s own builds look like, well, shit in comparison if you asked him. 

When he’d placed his third vacant plot down, Jimmy knew that Joel had to build there. It was the perfect location, isolated from all the other homes in the surrounding area by a small section of water. It was like the sky god’s own empire in the sky, away from everybody and kind of a pain to access. Jimmy also thought it could be a chance to strengthen his newfound friendship with Joel. He much preferred what they had now to the constant teasing that used to define their relationship. 

When he invited Joel over to be build he expected something more…Stratos-esque. Jimmy had expected something made of quartz and gold, not a small castle made of terracotta and decorated with azalea bushes. 

“Joel?” The Sheriff called, pushing his hat up and keeping the brim of it out of his vision. “Joel?”

“Jimmy!” Joel's voice came from inside the new building. The god’s tone sounded…friendlier. Usually Joel greeted him with a flat voice and blank expression, like he cared not for the Sheriff's existence. Like Jimmy was just a mere mortal beneath his feet. Jimmy tried to ignore it. Maybe he was in a good mood because of Hermes or something. 

“Uh, ya know Joel i love the new building, i really do, but what’s with the sudden style change?” Jimmy asked, waiting for his ally to emerge from the vacation home

“Whaddya mean, mate?” Joel asked, finally leaving his new house. “It Mezalean style-” The brunette cut himself off at the sight of the Sheriff, and Jimmy himself was quite surprised by the other man's appearance. 

The God was, apparently no longer a god? Joel had gone from being about twelve feet tall, though he shrunk himself a bit for convenience sake, to a more normal height. Jimmy guessed he was now about five foot nine inches. He was also no longer wearing his toga, now in a bright purple suit jacket, with a green sash across it and bright gold accents. He was also wearing pants, which is something Jimmy had rarely ever seen Joel wear because well, the toga. Joel also now wore white gloves, another odd choice. He couldn't really summon lightning from his hands without ruining the gloves, now could he. The green stripe in the brunette's hair was now slightly hidden by a crown. It was probably the one thing of the whole outfit that made the most sense. Joel would love to have a crown for himself. It was one of the weirdest outfits Jimmy had ever seen, and Sausage had a lot of weird things in his wardrobe. 

Some part of Jimmy, a part buried deep down, was flooded with nostalgia. He felt a very brief wave of familiarity at the now shorter man in front of him. It was like he was seeing an old friend he hadn’t seen in years, hundreds and maybe even thousands of years. The man in front of him felt like an old friend that part of his soul had been longing to see. 

“What. Are. You. Wearing” Jimmy was brought out of his thoughts by strange Joel questioning his own outfit. 

“Uh? My usual outfit?” Jimmy responded. It was more of a question than an answer. 

“No, no, no.” Shorter Joel said. Jimmy had decided he was going to call the other man shorter Joel. It made the most sense to his brain. “You’re normal outfit is that green suit, with slime all over it and that stupid cod head.” 

“I’m sorry? Cod head?” The Sheriff was absolutely bewildered now. “Like a dead fish?”

“Well I don't know if it's a dead fish, you never specified.” Shorter Joel retorted. “Ya know, you’re the codfather, my best friend, my brother-in-law.” 

“You’re what?” Jimmy exclaimed.

“Lizzie? My wife, your seabling?’ The strange person pressed further, only confusing Jimmy more. This was not his Joel. 

“Lizzie, you mean the cat? And what’s a seabling?” Jimmy spat, getting a tad frustrated. Who was this guy? “You’re usually a god.” 

“A God? Damn, I wish.” That was the most Joel thing this Joel look alike had said the whole time, minus the fact that he was very clearly not a god. Jimmy was fumbling for an answer, staring at the other man. He was really trying to ignore more longing and nostalgia that had come on when the strange man had mentioned the cod head he supposedly wore. 

In the time that Jimmy was silent, the strange alternate Joel seemed to notice the mesa looked different. “What the bloody hell is all that?’ he asked, pointing in the direction of many more Tumble Town structures. 

“It’s Tumble Town, my empire.” Jimmy answered flatly, giving the other an unimpressed look. 

“What the devil is a Tumble Town? And your empire? Where’s Mezalea” The shorter scrunched up his nose in disdain. “Where’s my palace?” 

“Listen dude,” Jimmy began, already out of patience. “I don’t know what a Mezalea is, or where your palace is, but it was certainly never here. I think you got the wrong Mesa, buddy.”

“Apparently.” Joel snorted. 

“How’d you even get here?’ Jimmy asked, a little bit curious.  

“I dunno mate. I was just going about my day and suddenly I woke up over there,” Shorter Joel pointed to a cave near the house he’d built. “In that cave in a small pool of water.” 

“I just…felt like I had to build this house, so I did.” The brunette finished, shrugging his soldiers. “Honestly I'm as baffled as you are mate.” 

“Nice to know we’re both confused.” Jimmy sighed. “I didn’t even know there was some sort of magic pond here.”

“Well, you learn something new everyday.” Jimmy laughed a little at that. Maybe Shorter Joel wasn’t so bad. He still wanted his Joel back though. “You think if you, i don’t know, got back in that pool you’d leave?” 

“Maybe. I’m gonna find out too. This empire is much too…brown for my liking.” Shorter Joel scoffed at one of Jimmy’s worse builds. “I prefer my own empire.”

“Was that a compliment or an insult?” The Sheriff glared at the shorter man. Maybe new Joel wasn’t that great actually. 

“A compliment, you’re a bit better at building than my Jimmy.” The strange man called over his shoulder. He didn’t even say goodbye, just walking towards the cave he’d pointed out earlier. 

The Sheriff made an annoyed huff, watching him go until he could no longer see the bright purple of Shorter Joel’s suit jacket. He hoped that magic pool or whatever worked, because he was not going to go check on it. This was a problem Jimmy wanted nothing to do with, no siree. He could leave weird, dimension hopping Joel’s to Sausage, the actual dimension hopper of the server.

The magic pool of water did seem to work though, as a few hours later his Joel was back. The god was talking about that Mezalea place his shorter counterpart had mentioned. Jimmy guessed they had swapped places somehow. He kept it at that, not wanting to think about alternate versions of himself and his fellow emperors. Especially not one where he was related to Joel of all people. It seemed like one of those topics that would give him an existential crisis and a headache. 

Speaking of headaches, the sky god gave him one very quickly. He was simply not going to accept that he was short in some reality. Jimmy took over an hour trying to explain the day's events to him, mostly because Joel had started an argument and Jimmy, ever prevocable, had argued back. 

At least he got a unique looking build out of it. 

[starlessskies94]

Consequence (Joel Miller x OC)

Summary: What if Joel survived his injuries from the Abby and Fireflies attack but ends up with really bad amnesia. He can’t remember his wife, Ellie, or the Outbreak; only before. How will his family bring back the man they once knew?

Pairing: Joel Miller x OC

Note: I will admit this isn't a long chapter but it's certainly a humdinger for sure! Hope you enjoy it! x

Chapter Nine

The attic.

Joel didn’t even know he had an attic.

It had taken him a goddamn hour since Tommy had stormed out to find the hatch door. Even after months the house still felt unfamiliar to him. Finding out there was a whole other part of it hidden away, only reminded him of that fact. He was still a stranger living in a stranger’s home.

It had been inside of his walk-in closet.

A downright stupid place for an attic hatch in Joel’s opinion but with a little effort; he’d just about managed to get the door open, extend the ladder out and fasten the bolts in place in order to get inside. He’d hesitated before climbing up; a quick glare to his still healing leg. But it was coming on stronger than he’d care to admit to himself. No longer really needing the cane anymore and mostly using it out of habit. It seemed that holding onto something when the panic came had been a way to ground himself he supposed. When the stress had become too much or the attempts at remembering had become overwhelming. He left the cane leaning against his bedroom wall and turned back towards the attic ladder; a deep breath let out out as he began to climb.

There wasn’t much up there if he was honest; at least not as much as he had been expecting. Just a couple of boxes left in the corner of the dusty space. Two boxes stacked neatly by one of the wooden beams; evidently pushed out of the way as to not stand out too easily. Joel found this whole thing leaving him even more confused; once again clouding his mind with more questions than answers. The all too familiar headache beginning to creep in along with it.

He kneeled slowly beside the small stack of boxes; pulling the top one way from its pile and gently placing it in front of him. The front caught his eye with scribbled black writing.

“Joel and Ada?” He whispered out loud to the dust and unbroken silence. Ada? What did she have to do with this? The man reluctantly removed the lid and ran his eyes over the contents and his stomach lurched at the sight. Pictures. It was a box full of pictures. All of Joel stood with the very same woman that had walked him home one snowy afternoon.

Except this was much more than friendship. The first framed photograph facing him was a picture of them; smiling together hand in hand in front of the small Jackson chapel... Ada wearing a white patched old dress standing proudly with Joel beside her, a wild flower pinned to his flannel shirt. This was a wedding. His wedding.

But he wasn’t married. That had always been something he was sure of. Sure he’d married Sarah’s mother but that had ended almost as quickly as it had started. They’d been way too young at the time and she’d left long before Sarah had really been able to remember her. He’d put the past behind him and always put his little girl first. It had been them against the world after that. Then he’d lost her; a fact he was still having trouble accepting even now. But it was still something he knew for certain. That part of his life was over. He hadn’t dated, hadn’t wanted to. And he was pretty sure there had been no one in Boston waiting for him either. From what Tommy had told him; their only priority had been to just survive. And yet here... right in front of him were pictures of him and Ada...together.

Some of them with the horses in the town’s barn. One of Ada apparently teaching Joel to cook in his kitchen. Although from the look of the smoke and mess, it clearly hadn’t gone well. There were others of Joel playing guitar with Ada singing beside him, another of the two sat by a mountain landscape watching the sunset by a flickering campfire. He quickly pushed them aside, his hands shaking as he dropped the last picture. He shuffled back onto his knees, twisting to reach the other box. Discarding the lid and once again peering inside the mess of hidden photographs. These pictures were of him and Ellie...out by the waters edge in the forest as the man moved to catch the girl in mid flight as she jumped from an overhanging log.

Standing together as the older man seemed to be introducing her, to what looked like a younger Shimmer in the stables. Family photos of all three of them smiling happily; dinners with Tommy and Maria, Christmases and birthdays. A faded picture of Joel standing outside the Wyoming Museum; his arm around the shoulder of a much younger Ellie wearing what looked like a space helmet; proudly showing off a dinosaur book to the camera. Looking at the girl; Joel had to guess she was maybe fourteen? Fifteen in the picture? He wasn't sure. Rummaging further through the box; he found a drawing of his own face staring back at him. His eyes glanced down at the cursive writing in the bottom corner.

‘To Joel, From Ellie.’

Joel swallowed hard, taking it all in before continuing his search through the box, his fingertips brushing against something cold and hard, he dug deeper and pulled out a poorly crafted mug. The handle was badly shaped and the rim was chipped; it looked like it had been sculpted by a child. It was painted a deeply shaded blue; with sloppy red writing on the side along with what looked like a green dinosaur wearing a hat.

‘Worlds Okayest Dad’ (Just kidding, love ya old man!) It read. Joel laughed quietly in spite of himself. Tommy was right, he did have a family. A wife...a kid.

God...how could he have forgotten he was a dad again? And why had Ellie and Ada not said anything?! They had moved out and left him alone. He felt sick at the realisation. Just what the hell had he done wrong for them to up and abandon him like that?

Why had Ada lied to his face when he had asked about her husband? Had everyone lied to him he wondered. Clearly too much of a burden for his wife to deal with apparently. The more he tried to piece things together; the harder his head hurt. It was like trying to read a book but the pages were blank; only the pictures to try to piece together the story. None of it made sense and it only made him that much more angry. His blood boiling as he threw the boxes across the attic floor, the frames smashing against the wood as they landed heavily in a pile before him. The pity in her eyes had only seemed patronising now; her kind smile was fake and wrong. The way Ellie had shied away from him in the barn all made sense now; the girl clearly ashamed by the pathetic charity case her father now was. Or perhaps Ada had told the teen to stay away from him.

Joel was sick and tired of wondering. He didn’t want pity; he wanted answers. He didn’t remember climbing back down or making his way down the street. His mind a blur; his injured leg aching in protest of clearly being pushed too far. But it only fuelled his anger; a hindrance that would only ever be a reminder of the burden he was now to the family, that had abandoned him when he’d needed them most.

When he found himself at Ada's door; he didn’t hesitate. His clenched fist rapping against the wood while the other screwed up the only photograph he’d taken in a hurry. The shards of glass from the broken frame, digging into the flesh of his palm. But he was too numb to feel it. His heart thumping so loudly, the sound echoed in his ears. It felt like an eternity when Adaline finally answered the door. The woman having the audacity to actually smile at him, his jaw tightened, almost tasting the bitterness that ran through his veins between gritted teeth and venomous tongue.

“Hey.” She greeted softly and Joel felt sick at the sight of her. “Everything okay?” he didn’t know why she was asking; it wasn’t as though she actually cared. Her smile quickly dissipated when she saw the cold look in his eye. The dark shadow that had descended across his features. “Joel…” She uttered cautiously.

“I think you and I need to talk.” He growled. She knew it wasn’t a question.

[slutsofren]

surrender the night

*this is a companion piece to my series, Danger Days, but can be read as a standalone

summary: you and joel have been together for a while, no longer worrying about fireflies or about ellie, the three of you became pretty close-knit out on the road and now in jackson but joel is usually closed off with you today until he wants to show you how much he loves you while hunkering down from the rain.

cw: no y/n, intimate/soft smut, mild bratty reader, slight angst, light humor/teasing, established relationship and life in jackson, joel being emotional AND vulnerable, SARAH MENTION that needs a whole TW i swear

word count: 3,884

a/n: congrats to pedro on this role and welcome new fans to tlou!! <spoilers> tlou2 isnt entirely canon in my version bc our man survives abby and her bullshit so we can all be happy here; but check out my series following the first tlou game with slow burn and other fun tropes here on ao3!

read on ao3 here!

Bandit attacks were on the rise again, always spiking before winter starts and at the tail end of it. You had been pulling nearly nonstop shifts at the wall and scouting nearby. Joel noticed how tired you were getting and tried to convince Tommy and Maria to give you less time on rotation. You thanked him heavily for it but if there was one thing you were good at, it was keeping those you loved safe.

The rifle was heavy in your hands, your thighs warmed by your signature dual handguns there, you were armed to the brim but it did nothing considering the visibility was poor. It was raining on and off since the two of you began your shift but as you neared the small town, it had gotten heavier as you got closer to the last stop on the scouting trail.

Beside you, Joel had been quiet nearly the entire time since the two of you left Jackson and each time you tried to ask him if he was okay, he shrugged you off. It wasn’t unusual for the man, he was a rather private person despite the many many months the two of you had been together.

The one thing that warned you something was wrong was a conversation the two of you had only last night. For the first time ever, Joel spoke of a memory between him and Sarah, the daughter he lost over twenty years ago, of how she would banter with him and keep him on his toes. He smiled while telling you a couple stories of her but fell into a tense silence afterwards that seeped well into today and you figure his silence has to do with it.

Your horses came to a stop in the garage of the safehouse as the two of you jumped down. “I’ll shut it,” you offered quietly as you lowered the garage door to keep the horses safe and warm away from the harsh chill of the winds and rain. Joel gave a grunt of confirmation and he opened the inside door to enter the house, shaking his head a bit to rid his hair of some of the dampness.

As the garage door shuttered gently to the ground, you turned to follow Joel up to the third floor of the safehouse and gave a firm pat against your horse as you walked by. Joel had already begun turning on the small lamps that were sparsely laid around the stairwell to make sure you didn’t trip. This was one of the few three story homes that were still viable despite how broken everything was inside. The walls still had some insulation but the dust and debris were stark reminders of everything that had been lost since the cordyceps virus took the world by storm. 

When you reached the landing, your stomach was in knots, Joel’s behavior wasn’t unusual per say but he was rarely like this with you on scout missions, often being more in the moment with you than his usual reserved self. Being outside of Jackson, the two of you had to communicate in order to stay alive, everybody did. It was the only means to survival but his behavior was beginning to worry you more and more.

You removed the rifle from your shoulder then leaned against the doorframe of the master bedroom, watching as Joel signed in both your names on the sheet on the desk that had been pulled in the room. He sighed heavily and turned to face you, “I don’t think we’ll make it back to Jackson anytime soon with the rain.”

“You’re probably right.” You pushed off from the doorframe and shrugged off your backpack, reaching for the long-range radio. You shifted it in your hands before clicking it on.

“Base, this is Athena’s Mark, please be advised we are hunkering down at the last checkpoint. Rain is too heavy to travel. Over.”

After a couple moments passed, you heard the tell-tale sign of a response with static then a click before Maria’s voice rang out. “Athena’s Mark, your message has been received. Notify Base if there’s any sightings out there. Stay safe you two, over and out.”

You looked up from the radio in your hands and saw Joel leaning against the desk with his arms wrapped in front of his chest. He looked at you and you gave him a soft smile before fully entering the room and setting your weapons and backpack down beside the large bed that was still in rather good condition all these years later and sitting on it.

“Y’know you never told me why your code name was Athena’s Mark,” he asked from behind you, watching as you began to unlace your boots.

You smiled as you recalled the memories. “When I was still running with the Fireflies I would sneak over to the Humanities department and steal some of the abandoned books from the offices. One of the rooms belonged to a Greek historian and I found their book on mythology,” you explained without looking up. “By the time I arrived in Jackson, I still had a few of those books in my possession. One day Maria and I got drunk and she called me Athena as a joke but the name stuck with me on missions.”

You laid the unlaced boots on the floor and laid down in the bed, listening to the rain patter against the roof and windows, drowning out all the outside noise. “She said I looked like a goddess of war when I had blood on me, fighting to protect Jackson.” You threw a hand behind your head and stared at the ceiling before continuing. “If the world hadn’t gone to shit, I’d like to think that’s what I would have done with my life. Become a historian or something.”

“I think I would have liked to see you like that,” Joel said in his gruff voice. You smiled at his words.

“What would you have done?”

“I was a carpenter, and even wanted to start my own business. Work was shit to come by but it paid the bills.”

You smiled, remembering all of his wood carvings in the spare bedroom of his house. “If bills weren’t an issue back then, what would you have wanted to do,” you prompted instead.

“I wanted to be a singer but with Sarah and all,” he trails off. You remembered him admitting this once, forever ago but now the candor feels different because he said her name.

Sarah.

You sit up from the bed and look at him, the broad strong man he is, looks like he’s a million miles away. His eyes are unfocused and his face looks conflicted. You get up and take tentative steps towards your boyfriend. “Joel?”

He looks up at you and unfurls his arms from his chest, instead opening them up at you. You walk to him a bit more confidently and walk straight into his embrace as he wraps his arms around your frame. He buries his face into the crook of your neck while you encompass him and rest one of your hands on the nape of his neck, your fingers gently dancing in his dark hair.

“I love you,” he says, his voice hoarse and thick with emotion. His arms wrap around you tighter, pulling you closer into him. “I think she would have liked you.”

You try to pull back a little to look into his eyes but his grip only tightens around you, refusing to let you budge. “I think I would have liked her too, Joel.”

For a man of few words, the ones he spoke have taken your heart by storm. The two of you have been together for a while but the intimacy between you has rarely been like this.

He stays like this for a few more minutes, composing himself. You play with his hair with one hand and the other draws random circles across his back. Silently telling him you’re there for him. After these moments pass, Joel pulls his head back from the crook of your neck to start leaving a trail of kisses there, his beard leaves a scratchy but familiar burn across your skin.

Without using words, he’s telling you how much he loves you, how much he cares, how much it pains him when you’re not together, and you bask in it. “Joel,” you whine as his kisses suddenly shift to small sucks and bites on the sensitive skin on your neck.

“Come here,” he demands slowly, finally bringing his lips to yours.

As the two of you kiss, he tangles his fingers in your hair, his other hand kneading the flesh on your ass. Joel has you melting in his hands as your worries fade. You figure today was rough on him and you’re more than happy running away from the anxiety.

The two of you do this dance with each other's lips until he pushes off the desk, advancing to his full height towering over you. He doesn’t let you break the kiss instead he presses harder into you deepening it.

The more he wordlessly asks, the more you feel like you’re drowning in him, his scent, his touch.

Joel places both of his hands on your hips as he pushes you backwards, walking you to the bed. The backs of your knees hit it and you stumble a little but his sturdy warm hands keep you from falling down. He breaks the deep kiss the two of you were sharing, both just slightly out of breath but heavily disheveled. A shuddering intake of breath and he leans his forehead on yours, his eyes closed. “Will you have me?”

“Yes,” you sigh against him. “Please.”

Just as you slightly beg, any worried thoughts you had were whisked away as he removed your denim jacket from your body. His large calloused hands worked their way back up to your head, his fingers getting tangled in your hair, gently pulling you back so your neck was exposed.

He gently laid kisses up and down your jaw, taking sweet time and care with you.

Your hands drifted up his torso, unbuttoning his soaked red and black flannel. Once the last button popped, you moved your hands across the expanse of his chest, pushing both his flannel and brown coat off him.

A deep groan rises from Joel’s throat, “Easy now.”

He takes a step back and fingers at the hem of your shirt, pulling it off your body. You rush a little and put your hands behind your back, undoing your bra. Joel watches you silently as you discard the article to the side of the bed where your shirt lay on the floor with his.

His hands return to your body, working themselves at your jeans and he pulls them down, gently easing your leg out of each pant leg. He’s being so gentle with you, being so vulnerable and soft.

You stand in front of him as he remains kneeling in front of you, still in the position he was when he removed your jeans. He leans forward and rests his head on your stomach and you feel his breath over your panties.

“May I,” he asks, fiddling with the elastic waistband.

Your fingers catch in his hair as he pulls back, looking you in the eye when you grant him permission, “Yes.”

His eyes study you as he tentatively pulls your panties down, letting them fall. He comes back against your skin, kissing from the tops of your thighs and makes his way upwards across your stomach, between the valley of your breast, your chest, and neck, before finally coming back and kissing you on the lips.

“Get on the bed for me, will you?”

“Uh-huh,” you mumble, lost in this tender moment with your lover.

Naked and kneeling on the bed, Joel fixes his stare on you, taking his time to unbutton his belt then jeans. His eyes trail over your body, watching as you begin to squirm under his watch.

He pushes forward and kneels on the bed before maneuvering himself to lean back against the headrest. He grabs your leg to swing over his thighs to make you straddle him but his hands stay at your waist, keeping you from fully sitting on his clothed cock by giving attention to your breasts, licking and biting gently as he did with your neck not moments before.

“You’re breathtaking.”

A giggle leaves you at his words aligned with feeling overstimulated by the way his mouth and beard felt on your skin. “Joel, please.”

“Settle down, you heathen,” he says between nips and kisses. You feel him smile across your skin as he pulls you down onto the sheets, coming back to your lips to kiss you more and more. His hands encompass your body, roaming up and down the valleys on your skin, completely enamored with you. 

“Make me,” you tease against his lips.

Joel takes this as a challenge and he sits up, leaving you prone against the pillows. He towers over you, his thick fingers dancing gently across your skin, making a winding trail down your body. “Please,” you begged softly.

Joel said nothing as he sank two of his rough fingers into you and laid down between your thighs to suck and lick at your clit. Your hands flew to his shaggy black hair, taking a sharp inhale at the sensations. Joel eats you out nervously, taking pride in the way you moan to the walls of the empty house. Your sharp intakes of breath get lost under the patter of rain against the roof and windows.

“I love you,” he says against your heat. “I love you so fuckin’ much.”

Your breath is already stolen away at the way he fucks you with his mouth and fingers but you’re breathless by the way he admits his love for you. The vulnerability of it makes you come against his tongue.

“That’s my girl, that’s it.”

His approval and praise send you soaring but he doesn’t slow down his efforts, instead going faster. Before you could even come down from the blissful high of an orgasm, another tidal wave is rising again. “Joel, I’m coming again,” you whine.

“Come as many times as you want,”

He leaves another trail of kisses across your stomach as he makes his way back to kiss you on your lips. You can feel your wetness on him, taste yourself on his tongue and you moan into him. 

“Lay down, let me treat you,” you say in a low voice as you try to push Joel against the bed. He leans up and puts his hands on your wrists, stopping you.

“No, tonight is about you.”

“Wha-,” he cuts you off with another opened mouth kiss on your lips, he keeps kissing you down your neck to your left  arm, not stopping until he’s kissing your hand.

“Have I ever told you how pretty you are,” he whispers against your palm. “The first time I saw you, I fell for you. You had your gun pointed right at me, coulda killed me.”

“I’m glad I didn’t.”

He huffs, hot breath hitting your hand. “I sure as hell am too.”

He drops your hand and shifts on the bed, removing the last piece of cloth covering his erect cock, “I think I woulda let you toss my ass around that first day I laid eyes on you, if I’d known then what I know now.”

“You almost didn’t let me go with you, remember,” you tease.

“Would’ve been the biggest regret of my damn life, sweetheart.” He drops his boxers to the floor, not taking his eyes off you.

“Tell me again, Joel.”

He line’s himself up with you, “I’m glad I found you.” He gently thrusts only the head of his cock into you and pulls out. “I’m glad you never put up with my bullshit.” He repeats his movements but pushes a little more into your wet cunt. “You’re so goddamn beautiful.” Finally he pushes himself all the way in, eliciting a sharp whine from you. “Fuck, I’m so lucky.”

Your lover pushes back your thighs, allowing him to fuck you deeply. His movements stir that insatiable beast inside you, constantly lingering for more and more pleasure.

He sinks harder and faster into you as his warm hands grasp your hips, his eyes trained on the way your soaked pusst takes him so deeply. He’s locked on the sight of the way the two of you are connected just as how you are mesmerized by watching him.

“Do you feel as good as I do, darlin’?”

You respond by squeezing around his cock, “You feel so good in me.”

It was like he got a second wind by the way he fucks you even harder than before. You throw your head back as you feel the familiar rumble in your abdomen and you squeeze your legs around him, not allowing him to pull out further. Joel surprises you by using two fingers to rub tight circles against your clit. 

You bite down on your lip to try and contain the coming moan but fail. He feels too good in you, on top of you. His scent invades your mind bringing you to the ultimate climax. Your head is tossed back and a throaty loud moan is released into the air by you.

“Joeljoeljoel,” you plead, coming again against him, your legs spread so far to allow him to penetrate you deeper. Your orgasm rolls through you like waves and your body lifts in response, searching for more, more, more. 

He continues to pound harshly into you, not swaying in pace. “You’re so beautiful when you come around me, feels heavenly too,” he moans above you. The hand he had tangled in your hair moves to your jaw, his thumb caressing your bottom lip as you sigh, coming down from your high.

Joel’s thrusts soon turn erratic and sloppy as he chases his own high, you hear a deep growl rise from his throat. “Fuck, shit,” he breathes, pulling out of you swiftly, pouring himself over your stomach.

You reach up and thread your fingers in his hair, pulling him up for a kiss. You praise, “Good boy.” 

Vulnerable, Joel laughs and sits up on his knees to look down at you. Basking in your afterglow with remnants of his love smeared across the expanse of your stomach that reflected in the soft glow from the lamps and setting sun. He fingers his own hair with both hands, sweeping his messy locks back. 

He gives you an indecipherable look that he hides by shifting off the bed and rummaging through his backpack insearch of a rag to clean you with. He returns and does his usual routine while you lie on the bed, feeling warm and safe.

He returns to the bed and you crawl on top of him, seeking to add his warmth to yours to fight away the rainy chill. His arms wrap around your back, holding you close. Refusing to let you move away.

Together, the both of you came down from your blissful highs, your breaths synchronizing into calm and slow inhales and exhales. You laid your head on his shoulder, dancing your fingers along his chest drawing nonsensical designs. The two of you laid like that for a while, you listened as his headbeat fluctuated from steady to rapid and back as if he was working himself up. Just before you open your mouth to ask if he was alright, he took a sharp inhale.

“I’ve been thinkin’,” he starts.

“Oh, no. Nothing good comes from you thinking,” you laugh, hoping to ease his mind.

Joel squeezes your hip and pulls you closer, “Hey now, none of that shit.” You laugh a little more at teasing him before he takes another sharp inhale as he continues. “As I was sayin’, I know this isn’t conventional, hell, none of this is conventional,” he gestures wildly in the air, “but I was wonderin’ if you’d do me some kind of honor and make me your husband.”

This knocks the breath out of you, more than the wonderful dick down he just gave you. You lean up and face him, trying to make eye contact but his stubbornness doesn’t let him take his gaze off of the ceiling.

“Joel, are you serious,” you ask.

He furrows his brow before letting go of your body and getting up from the bed. You’re about to start protesting when you see him reach for his own backpack and pull out a wooden box before he sits back on the bed and stares at it hard.

“Y’know I was married before. Back then. I never wanted to do it again, especially not in this world. But then I met you. That shit don’t compare to how much I love your ass. You’re smart, you keep this old man in check, and most of all,” he looks at you, “we don’t get to take life for granted any more. Not when every time we leave Jackson could mean we don’t make it back alive. I want to marry you in every meaningful way, even if you are a goddamn brat.”

As he says this, your eyes fill with tears and you sit up on the bed, facing him. “Is that why you’ve been so quiet today?”

He nods once, “What? You make me fuckin’ nervous.”

You smile wide and lay your hands on his, over the box. “I love you, Joel Miller, you stubborn old bastard. Now gimme the damn ring”

Joel lets out a sharp laugh at your words and lets a smile hang on his lips. He opens the box and hands it to you where you see a beautiful silver ring with a delicate floral design. A gasp leaves you as you take it in, how intricate and ornate it looks.

“Talked to the blacksmith and got it made for you especially,” he explains.

You take the ring from the box to admire it closer before Joel takes it from you and places it on your ring finger. “You had Gustavo make this for me?”

“I told him your favorite flowers and he did the rest.”

You’re too stunned to speak by his admission. He knew of your love and attachments to the old blacksmith which made this ring that much more beautiful in your eyes. You pull the elegant ring out of the box, treating it like it’s fragile before placing it on your finger.

“I’ve been wanting to marry you since you saved my damn life,” he admits. “But it wasn’t until last night when I told you about Sarah without feeling angry or sad when I knew it was time.”

His confession wells tears in your eyes again, his long since passed daughter was always a subject the two of you danced around, even his ex-wife. Him talking about this, about Sarah, it means he’s nearly ready to open up and it means the world to you.

“Does this mean I finally get to teach Ellie how to throw knives now?”

“Absolutely not, what the fuck?”

[tlou-1]

(Joel x Reader) - Home (Ch 3)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13| Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 TBA

Chapter 3 - Patrol Partner

You awaken abruptly to banging on the door, followed by Bruce’s barking at the door. Shit - you had overslept and by quite a bit. You push the covers off and run down the stairs as quickly but calmly as possible. You could hear Jesse calling you from outside. “I am coming Jesus Christ!” you called as you opened the door. 

“Well good morning to you too Y/N” Jesse laughed as he propped himself against the door. 

“I know, I know, I have overslept. I was working the bar last night too” you replied, gesturing him to wait inside while you got your shit together.

“Why do you work yourself so hard, you know someone else could have picked up that shift?” He questioned taking a seat on the sofa whilst you went to ready yourself for the morning patrol. 

Jesse had been a good friend since you had arrived in Jackson a few years ago. He was a number of years younger than you, being in his early twenties but ever since you started patrols together you became each others confidants, watching and guarding each others backs. He always asked and worried about how much work you took on but he knew it was just to keep yourself busy. You gave yourself a quick wash, changed into jeans, boots and a light jacket.

“Good to go” you said to Jesse still in the process of braiding your hair off your face. He shook his head “I take it we are still to drop old Bruce here off at Molly’s?”. You smile patting your fluffy, black mastiff “Aw stop stressing, she only lives across the road and I thought you would love an excuse to see her.” You nudge him jokingly before leaving you load your bag with the essentials; 

Pistol, Rifle, Knife, Med kit, Water 

“We are taking the new guy out today” Jesse says as you are locking the door behind you. 

“Huh?” You weren’t really listening trying to remember if there was anything you had forgoten. Honestly maybe Jesse was right and you were taking on too much because your head was all over the place. 

You hear a young voice calling out in exclamation “Holy shit Joel, look at the size of that dog!”. A young girl with auburn hair in a ponytail comes flying towards you, Jesse and Bruce. 

“Ellie, slow down would ya!” You hear a familiar voice shout from across the street. The girl is sitting by Bruce staring at him in amazement. He seemed to like her, putting his head under her hand, inviting her to pet him. 

“He is the size of a horse and so slobbery too” she laughs and she begins to pet his big head. “His name is Bruce and he seems to be pretty fond of you” you smile at her, what a spirited kid you thought.

Joel comes running across the street after her “Ellie, what did I say about running off” he exclaims putting the bridge of his nose between two fingers.

“So Y/N meet your new patrol partner for the day” Jesse smiled throwing Joel the keys to the stable. 

“Good Morning Joel” You smiled sleeply still waking up a bit. 

“You already know each other?” Jesse asked confused.

“We already met last night” Joel explained “So looks like you’ll be showing me the ropes today, hope that’s not a bother. I asked Tommy to let me follow him but apparently you know the Crest Trail inside-“. 

“I do” you interrupt - What is it with men and always thinking another man could do it better than you ever could? 

“So as long as you can keep up and are as half a good shot as Jesse, it’s not a bother at all”. Joel scoffs, Jesse looks uncomfortable but Ellie laughs, “ I like her, she’ll keep you on your toes… and I like her dog”. You let her pet Bruce and offer him and your sister to keep her company whilst her Dad patrols with you.

“Eh Joel isn’t my Dad but that would be nice, I don’t know what there is to do around here yet” Ellie shrugs. You reassure her, she will get settled and meet some friends but in the meantime she could help Molly with some of Bruces training. Seemed strange is Joel wasn’t her Dad you wondered how did they cross paths and come to resemble a family living in Jackson.

___________________________

“Jeez you weren’t kidding when you said you could use that thing” Joel scoffs. You had followed the Crest Trail to its peak and spotted some infected across the way, too far off the path to reach but nothing your rifle and a scope couldn’t handle.

You offer Joel a chance to take out a couple infected across the way, always good practice and of course turns out he is an amazing shot just like his brother. 

“Alright Texas Ranger, no need to look so pleased with yourself’ you laugh. He smirks and shrugs at you. 

“Look Joel, I’m sorry I was sharp with you earlier. I am sure you didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just some of the guys in Jackson seem to be constantly doubting what I am capable of and I am better at patrols than most of them” You sigh strapping your rifle to your holster. It was true, Jesse, Tommy, Maria and Molly were some of the few that actually would admit your level skill.

“I get it. You don’t need to explain to me. You met Ellie, well that little girl doesn’t let anyone tell her what or how something should be done, rightly so. Even in our guitar lessons, she tries to correct me” He laughs and you can’t help but join in.

After signing in at the post and a final check you take Joel out to the balcony.

“I want to show you something - see that over there?” you ask.

“The hotel? Oh, the shop”. You pointed to the music shop next to it. Its only about a half hour ride from here and you thought he might be able to find Ellie a guitar there so she could have one of her own for during their lessons.

At the music shop you discuss your musical interest, when Joel learned to play guitar, what you would like to be able to play if you could play. He manages to find an extra and smaller guitar for Ellie but doesn’t have enough room for the record player he also spotted. “Oh well, there is always next time if its still here”, he shrugs and straps the guitar to his horse.

Your ride back with Joel is peaceful as the summer sun sets across the skyline. “So you want to start those guitar lessons up again, maybe there is a Jimmi Hendrix in you we just don’t know about yet?” He says smugly riding ahead of you.

“Texas cowboy you are lucky you’re ahead of me or I might knock you off that horse. I told you not to make fun of me after that” you shout as you try to catch up with him but by the time you do, you’re already at the town gates.

Jumping off your horses, Joel grabs his gear and guitar from his horse. “First lesson is tonight at 8 o’clock, don’t be late” he says cooly before walking off. 

[taebaelee]

At first, the story didn’t sit right with me because I originally thought this story was trying to say that Ellie and Abby were two sides of the same coin.

The reason it felt disjointed was because I thought it was glaringly obvious that Ellie and Abby were nothing alike. They have completely different reactions and reasons for their revenge; which I explain more about under the cut.

It wasn’t until I realized Ellie and Abby’s arc are not the same. Abby’s and Joel’s are.

This is my personal, somewhat in-depth take on the story and characters motives. Whether you agree or not is entirely up to you.

To start off, I don’t dislike Abby for killing Joel. I get why she wanted revenge, and I understand why she felt Joel deserved to die. How she went it about it is why her and Ellie are very different.

When we’re first introduced to Abby, she is being saved by Joel and Tommy who then in turn offer her and her people a chance to come to town, rest up, and get supplies despite them not knowing these people and who they are. Then out of nowhere Abby shoots Joel’s leg off so he cannot fight back and makes someone tie it to keep him alive so she can brutally beat him to death with club while his brother watches and his daughter begs her to stop.

That’s jarring in itself, whether Joel deserved to die or not.

However, when Ellie does beat Nora as well, she does it to get information and after being taunted by Nora calling Joel a little bitch. Is it right? No, but Ellie also doesn’t take pleasure in it despite what Nora said to her. Instead, she is visibly shaken with the events with shaking hands before going inside and with her crying over what she had done.

When Abby goes to kill Dina she seems to find it satisfying to find out shes pregnant, saying ‘good’ and is ready to slit her throat before Lev stops her.

Versus when Ellie confronts Owen and Mel she tells them they can survive this as long as they give up Abby’s location. However, Owen attacks her and she defends herself killing both of them in the process. And when she finds out that Mel is pregnant, she starts to hyperventilate; her hearing fades and she falls to her knees.

That’s when I started to think about why Ellie did what she did in the first place despite her not seeming to enjoy any of it and I believe it was because she feels obligated to avenge Joel as he’d do it for her.

Her last conversation with Joel is him opening up about how far he is willing to go to save her and how he doesn’t regret killing the fireflies.

I believe this causes Ellie to feels as though she has to do whatever it takes the same way he’d do for her in order to not only avenge him but to understand him. I think another reason she goes after them all is because a part of her feels upset over the way things were left between them as they never got a chance to fully heal their relationship before she watched someone brutally murder him.

But Abby’s revenge feels like it’s just pure hatred. She didn’t watch her father be brutally beaten to death, not know the reason why, or leave their relationship on a rocky level.

This is why I found it very hard to sympathize with Abby, despite seeing her side of the story; because both girls have had traumatic events happen to them. They both have done bad things in order to survive, but seeing how much pleasure Abby takes in it, versus Ellie is why I couldn’t grasp how they were saying they were the same.

Especially as Abby had more insight to why Joel killed her dad, versus Ellie thinking it’s only because she could have been the cure.

That’s when I started to connect Abby with Joel.

Abby goes beyond doing what she needs to survive, actively killing innocent trespassers and being a apart of a group that captures and tortures people without a care. While we don’t know all of Joel’s past, we do know he has been on both sides, he says so himself in the first game.

Joel didn’t show any remorse for torturing David’s hunters to find Ellie and he kills the fireflies who are more or less innocent as they don’t attack him first and says he would do it all again.

Joel has gone beyond what one needs to in order to survive and may have continued to do so if it weren’t for Ellie changing him, which is exactly what happens to Abby. While yes, I do find it a bit rushed as she only knows Yara and Lev for a short time, I still understand the intention of the story.

It made me realize that I shouldn’t judge Abby as much as I did originally. I still must admit, I don’t care for her character as much as I do with Joel. I still feel as though she takes too much pleasure in the act of killing than Joel ever did; but it helped me understand the double standard as they both would willingly do ANYTHING for the people they love.

And I think this ties into why Ellie let’s her go in the end.

A flash of that night Ellie has the conversation with Joel comes to into her head. He admits that he would do anything for her because he loves her; and I believe that’s when she realizes that’s exactly what Abby was doing too.

Not only did Abby want revenge for her people but also for the fact Joel took away any chance the fireflies had at making a cure, something even a part of Ellie herself hated Joel for.

I believe Ellie had to finally forgive not only Joel for what he did, but herself for the way she left things with him in order for her to realize that she is not like either him or Abby.

She comes to the revelation that she is losing herself in all of this revenge for Joel because of her guilt and feelings of obligation to him. It’s when she decides she has to let the past go in order to move on. In doing so it allows her to spare Abby’s life because it’s not really who Ellie is.

As far as the very ending goes, I won’t lie, I wish we got a little more closure with Ellie. I would have enjoyed a scene with her saying goodbye at his grave one more time; maybe even with her telling him why she had to let go.

At the end of the day, I am at least grateful she’s alive and finally moving on from Joel’s death and closing that dark chapter in her life.

[catharticboredom]

This post was initially written however many months ago when the game was first out and I only came back to it now, so it’s probably all over the place and very rambly and may train of thought then might have been diff to now, but anyways these were/are just my general thoughts about how i would potentially rewrite TLOU2 to not be shit. Again it’s just more of my scattered thoughts so there is not much cohesion or structure, but whatever

I feel like revenge plots are so fucking stupid in the setting of a post-apocalyptic setting. Like unless you 100% know where the person you want to go is, why the fuck would you go across the country to a place where they may or may not be. Like I get “rEvEngE mAkEs yOu dO sTUpiD thINgs” but, this is obfuscatingly stupid, like as in shit writing. I’m pretty sure the reason they scrapped the “Tess ruthlessly tracks down Joel for revenge” storyline for the first game was bc they realized how stupid it was.

So what if it was like this: we see Ellie and Joel’s life more in Jackson, where we spend more time in it, similar to the segments where we see “everyday life” in the WLF camps. It is here where we would establish more of Dina and Ellie’s relationship + the trio’s (ie those two + Jesse) friendship. Maybe we get more of Joel and Tommy interacting with each other, where maybe things are still tense but they are mending their relationship. The museum scene doesn’t happen yet though.

The one scene where Ellie confronts Joel in the bar, maybe because she sees a dead Firefly, and then Joel gets caught in a lie or something, or his story doesn’t match up with what he said last time, or Joel starts acting guilty/strange. Maybe this is where the big fight between the two happens, maybe later, but anyways, Ellie decides to straight up leave town, or at least run away for a bit. Maybe Ellie goes home to pack her shit, and Dina, seeing how distraught Ellie is wondering what’s going on/is everything alright, but E is like “no I just gotta get out of this place (Jackson), I’m sorry”. Dina can then be like “okay babe, I’m with you no matter what.”

They go on a “vacation” of sorts, making the light-hearted moments a lot less out of place and not as tonally off. Ellie is still distant with Dina, but D doesn’t press her too much on it. Maybe Jesse wanted to follow the two of them to make sure they were safe, or maybe he overheard Joel saying the two had run off. More trio antics with no dumb love triangle. Maybe Jesse doesn’t show up at all, idk. Anyways, at one point, Ellie and Dina come across something/someone that triggers Ellie’s resentment of Joel re: the Fireflies incident, which leads her to do something reckless and so WLF/Seraphites/infected descend upon E and D. After the chaos (where E’s mask breaks similarly to how it is in the game), Dina demands Ellie tell the truth about her immunity and what went on at the FF hospital. There is tension between the two but they eventually make up, when Ellie admits she probably would have done the same for Joel, but still resents him for taking that choice away from her and lying to her all this time, and then Dina is like “the FF’s also took away your choice too, they didn’t even ask you before deciding to cut you open”.

Meanwhile Joel and Tommy are on a mission to bring E + D back home. Maybe they come across Abby, and she realizes who Joel is, and she says that she tried looking for him in Jackson but no one would say where he was, so she and the other former fireflies attacked the town. A brawl ensues or some shit but Abby manages to get away. Tommy and Joel race back to town to make sure everyone is okay. Tommy then chastises Joel for putting everyone in danger for his own actions, and he either kicks Joel out of town or says that he is out of town once Ellie comes back. Joel, realizing that he is now alone, angsts it up or something and goes after Ellie on his own. Tommy refused to go with him bc he is obviously mad, but maybe there is a shot of him watching J go, implying T may follow.

E + D come across Yara and Lev running from the Seraphites bc Yara did something drastic to save Lev. This can parallel Ellie and Joel’s conflict, bc maybe Lev doesn’t agree with what Yara did. Lev also does something drastic to save Yara, and Ellie realizes the lengths to which she would go to to protect the ones she loves.

Anyways Joel is on his little journey to find Ellie, and idk he gets into a kerfuffle which Tommy of all ppl saves him from. He has been following Joel the entire time or something, and is like “I still hate you but I also love you so I’ll help you this one last time”.

Eventually J + T and E+ D meet up (Yara and Lev have now set upfront on their own journey where neither dies anticlimactically or is deadamed repeatedly). Idk maybe Abby comes across them again and tries to kill them all, but Joel sacrifices himself to save them. In his final act of glory, he kills Abby and the other fireflies after them, to prevent them from ever coming after the town or Ellie (let’s say that the FFs hate Ellie too to make this more cohesive lol), but he is fatally wounded. As Joel dies to his injuries after his sacrifice, he apologizes to both Tommy and Ellie, and Ellie finally forgives him.

Then we cut to Ellie and Dina living happily together on their little farm. I forget if I said Dina was pregnant or not, but regardless they have a kid or some shit and Uncle Jesse pops in now and then. Tommy and Maria are living in Jackson running it, maybe they take in Yara and Lev idk. And it ends with Ellie playing that song Joel sang to her at the beginning of the game.

Basically instead of the game being about “HATE” it focuses on the direct consequences of Joel’s actions on his relationships with the ones he loves, instead of on new random characters like Abby.

[allthemarvelousrage]

And the Moon to Watch Over You (A Rubicon Short Story)

So. Some of you are aware that @solivar​ and I have been brewing our own urban fantasy universe, Rubicon. I wrote a short story for Bae, set in that universe. Here it is. 

Be warned: queer relationships, blatant disaster gays, filthy with feelings, werewolves and angels and fairies, oh my.

CW: brief mention of suicidal ideation, smut, cursing, definitely not safe for public.

And the Moon to Watch Over You

Most of the time, Rafael Roman loved his work. He had come through fire and blood and pain and death to make something of himself, and that something he had made happened to come with the privilege of being in a position to help others get through their own traumas. He cherished every smile, every shakily tearful laugh, every heartfelt catharsis he witnessed. He treasured the pain his clients chose to share with him, was always humbled by the trust they showed him when they confessed their burdens.

This was not one of those days.

He scrubbed his face as he sat in his car, staring bleakly at the doors of the Emergency department through the rain-streaked windshield and wishing like hell it had been a different outcome. His eyes burned. He swallowed hard to get past the lump in his throat. Ground his heels hard against his eyes as he rubbed them. Gods above and below, he thought, letting his head thump softly back against the headrest. This day needs to end.

The driver side door abruptly opened, and it was a measure of his exhaustion that he barely reacted, only turned wearily to eye the interloper. Somehow, he was unsurprised to see that it was Hope, the mass of loose green curls framing her face perfectly immune to the rain and wind lashing at the ends of her stylish woolen trench coat.

She stared in at him for a moment, her vibrant green eyes piercing and gentle, so much so that he had to look away as the lump rose in his throat again. Then her hand touched his forehead, cool and soft, and he released a shaky breath and fought not to lean gratefully into that simple point of contact. “You’ve looked better, Rafael,” she said, not unkindly. “Moodily staring out the window in the hospital parking lot is not a good aesthetic for you.”

Despite himself, he huffed a laugh. A tired, short and almost humorless laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. “Let me guess. Felix called you to be my support pixie after he pried me out of the waiting room.”

“Before, actually,” she said with a smile, and her head tilted. “How bad is it?”

Just like that, the bile rolled back up in his throat and he swallowed convulsively again. “Bad enough,” he said, low and raw, and gave into the urge to scrub his face again. “Maybe if I hadn’t sent Ron home, he wouldn’t have—”

Hope’s finger slid across his lips, shushing him before he could complete that thought. “You’re not omnipotent, Rafael,” she said sternly. “And you know as well as I do that, even as powerful as we are, we can’t help absolutely everyone.”

“Doesn’t make it less shitty when we fail,” he muttered, and sighed. “Did you just come for the pep talk, or is there an ulterior motive lurking in your springy green curls?”

She gave him an exasperated look, tempered with a fond smile. “I came,” she replied, and nudged him firmly by the shoulder, “to drive you home. You’re in no shape, so budge over.”

Rafe eyed her, debated arguing, but eventually gave up the notion that he’d actually win an argument with her in his current condition. He turned to critically examine the space between the driver’s seat and the passenger, attempted to discern if he had the flexibility to slide over without getting out of the car, and decided not to chance it. The last thing he needed was the gearshift ending up somewhere sensitive.

“You don’t have to, you know,” he said, entire body protesting as he forced it upright into the rain, and turned up his collar as he hurried around the front bumper and slid into the shotgun seat with a minimum of rain trickling down the back of his neck.

“I am well aware of that, Rafael,” Hope replied primly, as she tucked herself into the driver’s seat and adjusted it to her comfort. “You could no doubt call almost anyone in this town and they’d be quite willing to give you a ride anywhere you wanted to go, but right now, you need family.” A delicate pause. “I assume Julius and Joel are…”

“First day of the full moon,” Rafe said tiredly, and closed his eyes as Hope finished adjusting mirrors and the seat position to her liking. His faint sigh disappeared in the sound of the engine turning over. “They’ll be gone for a few more nights.”

“Wolves,” she said, only semi-scathingly, and reversed out of the parking space. “The moon is a treacherous thing, you know. You can’t trust it.”

“I’m a sun god,” he replied with a grin, but didn’t open his eyes, because the lassitude was spreading, and he stifled a yawn. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”

Hope’s fingers drifted briefly along his temple, brushing through his hair. “Sleep, Rafe,” she murmured, and he felt the pull of her magic tugging at his consciousness, trying to nudge it under. He could fight it, but didn’t bother. It would take Hope at least twenty minutes to reach his place with the speed at which she drove, and he figured it would take him at least that long to recharge enough energy to drag himself into a brief shower before he collapsed in bed.

He let the hum of the road, and the hypnotic rhythm of Hope’s magic, and his own exhaustion pull him to slumber, and hoped he wouldn’t dream.

---

He jolted awake as the door to his right opened to let the rain and wind in, and he blinked owlishly at the rain-soaked gables of his own house. The immediacy of it was unsettling, as if it had been a long blink between the hospital parking lot and his driveway, and he took a moment to settle his breathing at the apparent suddenness.

Hope reached in over him to press the release latch of his seat belt buckle, the scent of her hair abruptly filling his nose with spring and verdance and budding flowers. “Come on, feathers,” she murmured, and stroked a hand through his hair. “Let’s get you upstairs and into bed.”

“I’m not a child,” he complained, though he didn’t try to stop her from helping him out of the car, slipping the keys into his jacket pocket as she tucked an arm around his waist. “I’m actually very old.”

“So are the hills,” Hope replied sweetly, and manhandled him up the path leading to his front door. “And they fall right the fuck apart without some help to keep them in one piece.”

“I hate you,” he said sincerely, as she opened the door for them both. “So very much.”

“I know,” she said, and stripped his coat off him, hanging it on its customary hook. “You need help with your shoes, or are you good from here?”

He bit back his kneejerk instinctual response — that he was just fine by himself, thank you very much — and actually let himself consider the question, factoring in the stairs, the shower, his empty stomach, and sighed. “I could use a cup of tea and a sandwich,” he admitted, grudgingly, and tried not to roll his eyes when Hope bent to untie his shoes.

“I know where the kitchen is,” she said, when she straightened again, and actually attempted to loosen his tie for him before he batted at her hands, knocking them away. “You go get a shower, get changed, and I’ll feed you when you’re done.”

“Yes mom,” he grumbled, and shuffled towards the stairs, working his tie out of its knot and unbuttoning his dress shirt, like a big boy. He debated whether or not to let his clothing fall wherever he happened to be when shedding it, but decided against that, at least until he was in the private suite he shared with Jules. The last time he’d left laundry in public, he’d been lucky to find the scent-drunk wolf rolling around in it before Jules had.

To say his mate was possessive and territorial at times was hilariously understating it. He’d mellowed out some in recent years, but Rafe still did his best to reduce opportunities for the feral wolf king of old to raise his hackles anew.

He stuffed his shed clothes into the basket just outside the en suite bathroom, and scrubbed his hands tiredly through his hair as he padded naked towards the decadently multi-head shower enclosure. He turned the water as hot as it could go, waited the perfunctory minute for the spray to warm up, and stepped in, groaning loudly in sheer delight as those decadent heads angled perfectly to hit his back in all its sorest spots obligingly began pounding the knots out of his shoulders and spine.

He leaned against the tiled wall of the enclosure, eyes closed and mind blessedly blank of all thoughts but enjoyment of his day finally washing down the drain under his feet. Only when he felt his skin start to prune did he reach for the shower gel and his favorite shampoo, and finish the process of feeling like a person again.

With his hair still damp but smelling delightfully like cucumber and pear, he dragged one of Jules’ worn long-sleeve shirts out of a drawer and hauled sweatpants over his hips. Absently, he pulled the hem of the shirt to his nose, inhaling the soft, faded scent of his mate embedded in the cotton, and made his way back downstairs before the energy the shower had refilled wore off.

Hope should have looked utterly ridiculous, slathering peanut butter on bread, in her mint blue Vince Camuto off-shoulder dress and strappy teal Jimmy Choos, especially with Rafe’s own Caution: Cook will be hot frilly apron tied neatly around her neck and waist, but one of the more irritating things Rafe had discovered about the fae during his long partnership with her was that a fairy could make anything work for them. Instead of looking like a crayon factory fire, she looked somehow elegant and cultured.

Rafe slid grudgingly onto a stool across the floating island where Hope was doing something ungodly with dill pickles and peanut butter, and he eyed the abomination taking shape on the plate he sincerely hoped was not his. “What the hell is that?”

“It’s good, is what it is,” Hope replied serenely, over the distinctive sound as she screwed the lid back onto the pickle jar, licked peanut butter off her thumb, and nudged the plate towards him. “It’s crunchy, which you like, and smooth, which you try to be,” she added, turning to fetch a cup and a teabag, and adding hot water from the recently-boiled kettle. “Everything a glowing body needs. Eat up.”

He prodded it gingerly, resolutely suppressing his mouth’s urge to water profusely at the oddly enticing scents rose to tickle his nose. “There are easier ways to get my half of our practice without poisoning me.”

She set the cup down in front of him and sighed dramatically, hands going behind her back to untie the apron. “Sometimes I miss the old days,” she lamented. “If this were my kingdom, I could have you beheaded for impertinence.”

“If this were my kingdom,” Rafe replied sweetly, girding his loins and picking one of the neat quarters off the plate. “Oh wait, it is my kingdom. Lucky for you we stopped beheading people ages ago.”

Hope smiled, reached across the island and ruffled his hair. “Eat your fucking sandwich, feathers.”

He leaned into her hand, eyes drifting closed, and felt only a minor pang of loss when she pulled her hand gently back and sat across from him with her own cup of tea. “Thanks, Hope,” he said, and gingerly nibbled on a corner. Once his mouth had recovered from the assault of taste and flavors, he made a noise of deep enjoyment and wolfed the rest of it down, groaning in delight the whole time.

“Told you,” Hope murmured, smiling smugly, and sipped her tea. “Want another?”

“Fuck yes,” he said, heartfelt, and held his plate out for more. “Please and thank you.”

She made him two this time, while he gulped his tea only barely mindful of its temperature, and one for herself. As she settled back into place, she eyed him, the smile fading. “Do you want to talk about tonight, Rafe?” she asked quietly, a hand going across the island counter to rest cool fingertips across his wrist. “I understand if you don’t, but…”

“No,” Rafe said, turning his hand under hers so he could link their fingers. “No, I don’t want to, but that just means I should.” He scrubbed his face tiredly and ate another quarter sandwich. “I’m going to replay it until I figure out what I missed. Ron’s always ideated suicide, but I never thought he’d—” His throat closed and he swallowed painfully, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I reviewed his session tape before I came to pick you up,” Hope said, in the silence that surrounded them, and her hand squeezed his reassuringly. “I wouldn’t have thought he would either. And maybe he didn’t think he would, until he did. Even being able to read minds doesn’t make us perfect therapists, Rafe. You know that.”

“I know,” he said, dipping his head and inhaling the scent of Jules from the hem of his shirt again, wishing fruitlessly he could have the real thing tonight instead of a phantom stand-in. “I know. I just… I hate when I have to sign someone into a psych hold against their wishes. I … I just really fucking hate it.”

“I know,” Hope said soothingly, her other hand coming to cover their linked fingers. “But sometimes, it’s part of the job.” A delicate pause, long enough for him to flick his eyes up to meet hers. “Do you want me to take over as his therapist, Rafe?” she asked finally. “Or maybe find someone else for him going forward?”

Rafe’s mouth opened, shut, opened again, and closed with a sigh. “Might be for the best,” he said wryly, shoved the final quarter of sandwich into his mouth, and chewed before continuing. “But I don’t want to make any decisions when I’m this tired and this emotional. Only bad things come from me doing that.”

“Smart idea,” Hope agreed, smiled gently at him, and extricated her hands from his in order to begin cleaning up the dishes. “Do you need anything else before I take off?” she asked over her shoulder as she turned to rinse their plates in the sink.

Rafe felt an uncharacteristic pang of panic at the thought of being alone tonight, a rapid two-step hammer of his heart rate abruptly picking up speed, and the subsequent surge of adrenaline that came with it, but wrestled all those responses back. “Can’t convince you to stay?” he asked, with a half-hearted and wry grin. “You could read Grimm’s fairy tales to lull me to sleep.”

Hope smirked, and her eyes flicked over his shoulder, just as he heard the sliding door open, and a chilled breeze gust against the back of his neck. “I think I’d be something of a third wheel tonight,” she murmured demurely, drying her hands and turning to face him. “Good evening, Julius. I’ll be out of your fur presently. Kindly save the porn until I’m safely out of the room?”

The deep, amused whuff of assent behind him, gruff and beloved and as familiar to him as his own name, brought tears to Rafe’s eyes. “You told Tempe I needed Jules, didn’t you?” he said, faintly accusatory but finding it hard to actually be upset with her.

She shrugged one shoulder with a pleased smile playing around the corners of her mouth. “What’s the point of having an identical sister in your husband’s pack if I can’t telepathically relay your needs to your mate?”

“I hate you,” he said around the lump in his throat, sliding off the stool at the sound of toe claws clicking across the kitchen floor, and buried his face in Jules’ ruff, fingers burrowing deep into his fur.

“Yes, I know.” He felt her bend to press a kiss to the crown of his head, and her hand touched the back of his neck, warm and bright and infused with her magic. “I bid thee farewell for the evening, Rafael. You’ve thanked me twice this night, and for that doubled insult, I leave you with a wolf to chase you, and the moon to watch over you. Try not to enjoy yourself too  much, and take tomorrow off, hm?”

Whatever pithy comment he would normally retort to an exit like that was lost in the head-swimming scent of Jules’ fur against his cheek, the solid, muscular warmth of him as he growled softly, in just that way that always weakened Rafe’s knees. Fur became skin, muscles shifted under his touch, but Jules’ growl didn’t change with him.

“I called you,” Jules said, deep and rumbling, sliding a hand into Rafe’s curls to pull his head back. “Before I left.”

Rafe’s breath caught in his lungs, low fire abruptly flaring in his groin, because Jules did not look particularly happy with him, and that meant a very good night ahead. “You did,” he croaked, and closed his eyes reflexively as Jules bent his head back further with the grip in his hair, nuzzled along the lines of his throat with hot lips and sharp teeth.

“Do you remember what you said to me?” A hand tipped with sharp claws traced delicate lines down his cheek, and Rafe bit back a whimper of desire.

“I told you I was fine,” he whispered, mouth gone dry as a bone and erection leaping to life as Jules nipped his neck, the faint scarred place where he’d sealed their bond long ago. “And I was. I was fine.”

“Angel…” Jules’s grip on him gentled, hands framing Rafe’s face and allowing him to get a proper look at his mate for the first time. His breath caught again, desire flaring higher, at the wildness in Jules’s eyes, the feeling of danger edging into the pinpricks of his clawtips against Rafe’s skin, the soft, exasperatedly fond look that was as familiar to him as his own name. “You’re not fine. You’re wearing sweatpants.”

He laughed, despite himself, buried his face in the side of Jules’ throat and clung to him as he laughed until he was crying, until his breath came ragged and gasping, until all the energy he’d managed to scrape together from his shower and meal had drained again, leaving him limp and listless in Jules’ carefully cradling embrace. “Yes,” he said, when he caught his breath again, sank a hand in Jules’ windblown hair and kissed him, light and sweet. “I’m wearing sweatpants. Clearly, a cry for help.”

“When it’s you, my prissy sweatpants-are-for-plebians mate,” Jules said wryly, “yes, it is.” His hands smoothed up Rafe’s back under the shirt, warm and broad and shivery-good, and it took superhuman effort for Rafe to not melt into a puddle right then and there. “You’re wearing my shirt,” he said, sounding faintly pleased. “You don’t do that when I’m home.”

“I don’t need to do it when you’re home,” Rafe shot back, sighed with a lopsided smile. “I have the real thing when you’re home.” Jules’ eyes darkened into true gold at that, heated and intense, and his thumb traced Rafe’s lower lip. A thrill shot up Rafe’s spine, and shivered back down. “Stop it,” he said, completely without conviction, as a smug, alpha-male grin curved Jules’ mouth. “It’s comforting. I had a shitty day.”

In one fluid motion, Jules surged to his and lifted Rafe right along with him, a move that absolutely did not make him squeak in surprise. Jules’ mouth came down on his, hard and breathstealing and possessive. You belong to me, Jules rumbled, nudging Rafe’s knees apart and wrapping his legs around his waist, as Rafe’s ass nudged up against the edge of the island, slid onto it.

Rafe broke for air, breathless and flustered, and laced his fingers together behind Jules’ head. “You’re such a fucking heathen, old wolf.”

“Infernal wolf god of the underworld,” Jules agreed, nuzzling his cheek. “You wanna talk about your shitty day?”

Rafe considered, playing with the hair at the back of Jules’ neck. “No,” he said after a moment. “Not anymore.”

Jules grinned, he could feel it curve against the pulse point under his jaw, and he jumped as Jules’ teeth scraped his skin again. “You want me to take you upstairs and tuck you into bed?”

That required no consideration whatsoever. “Abso-fucking-lutely,” he said, locking his ankles together and finding a grin of his own curving his mouth. “Bonus points if we actually make it to the bed itself this time.”

---

They did not quite make it to the bed.

Rafe’s sweatpants lay in ribbons somewhere on the stairs leading up to their private suite, and he had enough mental wherewithal to be distantly sorry for whatever wolf Jules caught rolling around in it in the morning. It was his last coherent thought for some time.

His back hit the wall just beside the double door opening into their suite, and he had just enough time to gasp and fist his hands in Jules’ hair as the sadistic bastard abruptly dropped to his knees and sucked Rafe’s cock into his mouth, quick and hard. The moan that crawled out of his throat was high and keening, hips flexing helplessly against the iron claw-tipped grip keeping him still.

“Julius!” he gasped, scrabbling for purchase against the wall, his mate’s shoulders, clutching for anything to keep him from collapsing as a long, inhuman tongue curled and flexed and teased the underside of his shaft. “Oh fuck, Julius!”

A growl rumbled out of Jules’ chest, vibrated along the entire length of his cock, and Rafe’s head cracked back against the wall as his back arched abruptly. A hoarse, sobbing noise too raw to be a cry crawled from Rafe’s throat, and his hips jerked free to thrust eagerly into Jules’ wicked mouth. Pleasure built fast, shook his legs, whistled through his keening breath, an almost overwhelming wave rushing furiously through his veins.

Jules, he pleaded brokenly, helpless and writhing, clawing for support as his orgasm swept through him. Yes, fuck yes, almost there, almost….

He howled and thrashed as Jules abruptly pulled back from him, pulled free with a wet, sucking pop, hands pinning him to the wall as he whimpered and jerked, orgasm denied at the last possible second. His eyes snapped open, his teeth ground together, and he glared absolute death at Jules’ smugly serene smile. “Not… fucking… fair,” he whined, rolling his hips in a fruitless search for friction.

“Bed first,” Jules said with a smirk and, one hand keeping his wrists together, the other scooping under his knees, he hoisted Rafe into his arms and carried him into the room, where he dumped him unceremoniously onto the bed and hauled his own shirt over his head.

Rafe, flustered and raw, froze dead at the sight of Jules chest coming bare, his mouth running dry just like it always did, watching the interplay of light and shadow over the lines of his muscles. “God, you’re fucking hot,” he heard himself say, breathless and awed, and reached to tug the button of Jules’ jeans out from its slit in the denim.

Jules’ return chuckle was deep, smug and all male, and his eyes closed in blatant pleasure as Rafe slid his jeans over his hips, and closed a hand around his length, hard and eager and already leaking. “Keep that up,” he murmured, hips rocking lightly in time with Rafe’s strokes, “and I’m gonna forget you’ve had a shitty day and just fuck you until you can’t remember anyone’s name but mine.”

“Seems like as good a way as any to forget about my shitty day,” Rafe replied, and leaned in to brush a kiss to the very tip of him, delighted with the shuddery spasm and muffled grunt that resulted. “You’ll have to tell me which name, though, old wolf. You’ve had so many throughout the years.”

Something primal, ancient and untamed flashed through his eyes, and his grin was full of dark promise and sharp fangs as he crawled with inhuman grace onto the bed, pulling Rafe under him and fumbling with the cap to the lubricant kept on his nightstand. “You know which one,” he murmured, and captured Rafe’s mouth in a brutally possessive kiss, hand tight enough on Rafe’s hip to leave bruises.

Rafe whimpered, head forced back as Jules bit at his throat, and his own nails dug into Jules’ shoulders, making breathless noises as Jules slicked him, then eased into him with surprising gentleness. “I love you, old wolf,” he whispered into Jules’ sweat-damp hair, clutching him desperately as he pulled almost all the way out again.

“That’s not my name,” Jules said gleefully, and snapped his hips forward, driving into him deep and hard, and Rafe’s cry was bitten off in a long, wordless howl as Jules fucked him fast and mercilessly, breath harsh and hot against his throat, growls savage and loud in his ear.

Every muscle whipped tight and tense, and Rafe keened through his nose, short, sharp pants as his balls tightened and his cock swelled, eyes squeezed shut as he spilled, helplessly, furiously, against the friction of their bellies in a dizzying crash of pleasure that made his head swim. “Calu,” he cried, locked his legs and arms tight around his mate, rutting against him even as the pleasure reached the point of too much.

“Rath,” Jules rasped, face buried in Rafe’s neck, and Rafe cradled him tight through his climax, whimpering and panting, and Jules’ bone-deep groan of relief and the hot spill of seed inside pulled another moan of bliss from him.

They lay together in the aftermath, a tangle of limbs and sweat-slicked skin and exhaustion. Rafe nestled against Jules, sated and exhausted, eyes drooping as the rhythmic caress of Jules’ hand up and down his back lulled him towards sleep.

A quiet, almost inaudible but clearly satisfied whuff from Jules roused him just a little, though, and he cracked open an eye to stare at him. “I didn’t want you to miss your full moon pack night,” he said softly, answering the unasked question hanging in the air from earlier. “I know how important they are to you. And to the pack.”

Jules heaved a sigh, soft and drawn-out. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re ever going to get it through your head that I love you more than I love running with my pack,” he said finally, and shifted to stroking through Rafe’s hair as Rafe laid his head on his shoulder. “You saw fit to give me a perfectly capable son who is more than qualified to fill in for my pack duties whenever I need him to.”

Rafe traced a fingertip through the hair dusting Jules’ chest, silent as he thought about how to phrase his reply. “I don’t like presuming,” he started, only to find Jules hand sliding across his mouth to shush him.

“No one comes before you and our cub, Rafael,” he said firmly, and followed it up with a brief, but no-nonsense kiss. “Order of priority negotiable. Now, go to sleep. We’ll talk more about this in the morning.”

“Such a fucking heathen beast,” Rafe grumbled, but obediently shut his eyes and this time, didn’t fight slumber as it came for him, falling asleep curled tight and safe in his mate’s arms, with the scent of home easing his dreams.

[classywastelandbread-blog]

@ohayokuroneko​ replied to your post: @ohayokuroneko replied to your post: Honored...

@classywastelandbread Let’s hope the noodles don’t start considering Mercy family too, or the spirits supply is gonna run very low :p

(Jesus there a lot of tags in this post...)

At first the clerks in the liquor store weren’t sure what to make of the angry-looking Japanese man that walked in. He was clearly disappointed in their sake collection but was surprisingly understanding when they explained that they simply didn’t have much of a demand for it, being a medium-sized store far from Asia. Still, he bought what they had and left. 

He was back the next week. This time he bought a case - all sixteen bottles - of their best nigori and a half a case of Kirin Ichiban beer. 

They were glad to see that it took him a little while to come back again - that much alcohol in such a short amount of time was rather alarming after all. The next time they saw him, he had an omnic dressed in loose jeans and an oversized hoodie. It was friendly with a voice modulated to have a slight accent that matched the man’s. The omnic introduces itself as Genji and the man as Hanzo. Since rumor around the area has it that Overwatch may be reforming illegally, the clerks at the store say nothing. The strange pair of them made a beeline for the sake; the omnic carried an entire case of Kirin Ichiban beer this time. 

The fourth time they saw Hanzo (this time without the omnic), the owner happened to be in the store as well. He had heard stories of the strange man and was excited to meet what was quickly becoming a legend among the clerks. It was a small shop, he explained to Hanzo, but if Hanzo was going to stick around a bit, he would be willing to see if he could have other liquors shipped in.

It was the start of a lovely friendship. 

Hanzo and the omnic became regulars. Once or twice a month they would visit, their stops usually heralded by a phone call ahead. Sometimes it’s not, though, but Hanzo never complains and accepts the cheap nigori and Japanese beer they keep in stock. 

At some point Hanzo disappears and they only see the omnic. Genji assures them when they ask that Hanzo is indeed alright, is alive and well, but he’s...away. There’s enough weight in its words that they don’t question it and there’s been rumor in other parts of the world that Overwatch is back. 

Hanzo comes back in time for Christmas with another man who calls himself “Joel” with the air of someone lying about their name. The clerks and the owner don’t comment on it, but none of them made any particular effort outside of that initial introduction to hide Joel’s name. That alone said a lot of the kind of people that Hanzo and “Joel” were. 

It amused them that “Joel” liked liquors that were almost the polar opposite of Hanzo’s. He went for the whiskeys and scotch and was very excited when he found that they had dusty bottles of Jack Daniels tucked into a forgotten shelf. So glad to be rid of it, the owner of the store gave it to him at a discounted rate - a Christmas gift, he said, and because a friend of Hanzo’s was a friend of their’s. “Joel” had laughed. 

They began to see more of them. “Joel” bought a case of scotch and whiskey once every few months but more often than not accompanied Hanzo or Genji (sometimes both) when they came by. He and Hanzo usually ended up bickering - the way that good friends...very good friends - did over what kind of beer to get. In the end they would each get a half a case of whatever they wanted and another half a case of whatever struck their whimsy. Their choice of alcohol was never discussed.

After a year and a half of knowing them, they finally learned that Genji was in fact, not an omnic. They all stared longer than they were proud to admit but Genji didn’t seem bothered by it. 

Soon another face joined them - a pretty blonde woman named Angela. She liked wine and that was easy enough for them to provide. Eventually they began to find specialty wines for her once they found out what kinds she liked. Angela rarely accompanied Hanzo and “Joel”, but she was usually seen when Genji came by to do his own pickup. 

(They were all very relieved to learn that Genji had been drinking about half of the sake that Hanzo had been buying. They were brothers, Angela explained with a laugh, and brothers share, even if they weren’t good at it.)

As a surprise for Hanzo, they splurged a little for the date that Genji claimed was his birthday, and bought a case of good sake that they paid extra to import directly from Japan. The owners charged him half of what he normally paid for and all of the clerks in the store were required to wear ridiculous birthday hats.

As a joke they also got “Joel” (since according to Genji the two of them were lovers) a case of cheap beer from America that the man claimed tasted like “watered-down piss”. He immediately fell silent when they pulled out his real surprise: a small case of high-end mezcal. 

Time moved on and their routines didn’t change though their group began to increase until four and five of them at a time were stopping by for a visit. It allowed the medium-sized store to expand - just a little because it as still a small town - and make all of the necessary fixes that they had put off doing. They were also able to import more things for their best customers, something that Hanzo was clearly pleased with as it meant that he could get better beers and something other than cheap, flavored nigori. 

Eventually they gave up pretenses and admitted to the clerks that they were from Overwatch - just why they were visiting the liquor store was something that none of the staff would believe and they didn’t really want to go too much into it anyway. 

“Whatever,” the youngest of their clerks said, rolling his eyes. “You’re just trying to cope with whatever type of malfunction you have because you don’t know how to deal with your problems like fully-functioning adults.” 

“Joel” snorted and turned to Hanzo, who had pressed a hand to his lips to stifle his laughter. “Well, he got us there.” 

The owner hid his laugh behind a cough as his youngest clerk added, “Hey, can I get all of your autographs?”

And that was how a picture of the entire Overwatch team, signed by everyone on the new roster, was gifted to a little liquor store in a little town that most people forgot about.