#i love that interview with ariana where they ask her if they were directed to play the rivalry like this and she's like

[watchmegetobsessed]

Crushing - Harry Styles

a/n: just a little something that was inspired by a tiktok and @pastequeharry​ !

pairing: Harry X Famous!Reader

word count: 2.2k

masterlist

“Welcome back, I hope has everyone returned from our little break because we are playing a fun little game with Y/N, who by the way won a Grammy award for best new artist this weekend, so congratulations on that!”

Ellen smiles at you widely as she claps along with the audience and you’re just smiling shyly, still not quite used to the sound of it.

“Thank you,” you nod looking around.

“Okay, we are going to play a round of who’d you rather. Are you familiar with the game?” she asks you.

“Yes, I’ve seen others play it before.”

“Great. For those who don’t know the game, two people will show up on the screen and Y/N will have to choose one. Whoever she chooses will come with us to the next round and at the end we’ll know who is her ultimate crush.”

“Ah man,” you huff, feeling a little nervous about who they are gonna show you and the audience laughs at your reaction as your fingers dig into the armrest of the armchair you’re sitting comfortably in.

“Are you ready?” Ellen questions with a smile that tells you just how much she is enjoying this.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be, but let’s get started,” you chuckle nervously.

“Okay, let’s see our first pair,” she starts and two pictures show up on the big screen and on the smaller one at the front of the stage so you don’t have to crane your neck. “So we have Zendaya and Tom Holland. Who are you choosing?”

“You really had to start with two of my biggest Marvel crushes?!” you whine and the audience starts laughing again as you chew on your bottom lip, trying to decide. “I love them both, but I’m gonna have to go with Zendaya, because in height, we would be better. I’m sorry Tom, I still love you!” you declare, looking around all cameras, hoping they all got your confession.

“Alright. So now we’ll keep Zendaya and move on to the next person, who is… Harry Styles. Zendaya or Harry Styles?”

The blood rushes out of your face as you see a picture of Harry, memories of the two of you meeting at the award show in the weekend flooding back to your mind. Harry has been a crush of yours since probably forever. You’ve been a fan of his since his One Direction days and your career started to take off sometime around the time he started his solo career, only difference is that it took you a little longer to earn yourself a name in the industry. But this weekend you finally met him for the first time, in real life, without you just watching him on the stage with four other men.

You spotted him at the area that led to the red carpet, he was about to step out when his eyes laid on you and though he was wearing a mask, you still knew he was smiling from the little wrinkles in the corners of his eyes. Your breath caught in your throat, stopping in your track as you were holding up your gown so you wouldn’t trip and fall with all the cameras around.

“Y/N! Hi!” he greeted you stepping closer, as if the two of you were old friends.

“Hi!” you managed to speak up, feeling completely starstruck.

“Love the gown! You look wonderful!” he complimented you and you could feel your cheeks heating up so fast.

“Oh, thank you, but I think you’re stealing the show with the boas,” you chuckled making him laugh as well.

“Thank you. Congrats on the nomination, I really hope you win by the way.”

“You do?”

“Of course. Listened to the album, it’s really good,” he nodded and your heart skipped a beat. Harry Styles listened to your album and he liked it? This must be Heaven, but when did you die?

“Thank you so much! I hope you win too, though your chances are better with your three nominations,” you joked making him laugh again.

“Yeah, just a little,” he nodded. “Here, let me help you.” He offered you his arm helping you step up the few steps that lead to the area where the red carpet photos were taken and you were thankful for the help, though you could already hear all the camera’s clicking in your way and you knew the photos would be all over the internet by the next day.

You only met one more time during the evening and you could only congratulate to each other on the wins before you both were snatched away, but you still play your conversation with him in your head before you go to bed in the evening.

“Um, Zendaya is everything but I’m gonna play this game honestly so I’ll choose Harry.”

The audience starts cheering and clapping at the decision as Ellen smirks at you, nodding along.

“No need to be shy, we all have a crush on Harry probably,” she jokes making you laugh. “Okay, next up we have… Harry Styles and The Weeknd.”

“I’m gonna stick to Harry,” you answer probably a little too fast, but if you’re being honest, they can’t show you anyone at this point who would beat Harry.

“Harry stays, next we have Harry and… Florence Pugh.”

“You guys made sure to make it hard for me!” you chuckle staring at the screen. “But I’m still gonna stick to Harry, though I love them both.”

“Alright, for the next round we have Harry Styles and Niall Horan.”

“I’m upset, because as a One Direction fan, I should not be forced to choose between them,” you point at Ellen, giving her a hard look which the audience finds quite hilarious.

“I’m sure you had ranked them before, don’t be shy,” she smirks and you sigh rolling your eyes.

“Okay, no offence to anyone but Harry stays. Sorry Niall, I still love you though,” you add with a smile.

“Harry is in a winning streak, it seems. Okay, let’s see his next opponent. Harry against Chris Evans.”

“Harry,” you answer with a sigh, crossing your legs, knowing well you will not choose anyone over Harry.

“Fast answer, great. Harry Styles or Ariana Grande.”

“Love Ariana, she’s a queen, but Harry,” you answer with a smile, the audience enjoying your obsession over Harry Styles and at this point you are not even trying to hide it.

“Harry Styles or Henry Cavill?”

“Harry,” you answer right away.

Henry’s picture disappears and Harry’s moves to the middle as the game comes to its end.

“Seems like we have a winner here. Harry Styles beat everyone!” Ellen chuckles as you glance at the big screen, blushing a little, but you are hoping your makeup is covering it well.

“You said it yourself, everyone has a crush on him,” you shrug, trying to play it cool.

“Yes, but not everyone was helped out by him,” she smirks as a photo of the two of you appears on the screen from last weekend and you cover your face with your hands as the audience goes wild.

“He is a gentleman,” you sigh dreamily.

“He really is and I have to say that the two of you look great together.”

“Oh stop it,” you chuckle, playing it over a little, just to make it less obvious how giddy even the thought makes you.

“Well, now we know that he is your number one choice, hopefully he’ll take the next step,” Ellen chuckles before moving on and asking you a few more questions as part of your appearance on the show.

Weeks go by and you kind of forget about the whole interview. It blows up the next few days, but nothing really happens, people just get excited that you are crushing on Harry just like everyone else, but it dies down pretty quickly.

You barely recovered from your Grammy win and yet you are already marching towards another milestone in your career. None other than Gucci asked you to be part of their new campaign in an amazing photoshoot and you just couldn’t say no, not that you ever even thought about it. After some online meetings and sending emails back and forth the first fitting’s day has finally arrived and you are buzzing!

Heading down to the showroom to go over every outfit they want you to wear for the photos, you can’t wipe the excited grin off your face. Growing up you could only dream about owning anything Gucci, now you are going to be promoting them so it truly is a dream come true.

Arriving you are walked into the showroom that is now filled with racks of clothes and there’s a podium with three mirrors surrounding it for the fitting.

“Y/N! Hi! So nice to finally meet you after all the emails and calls!” Nancy, the creative director of the campaign greets you.

“Nice to meet you too!”

“We are in a little bit of delay, I’m very sorry about that, but we can start in about ten minutes, if that’s alright with you.”

“Oh, no worries. I’m free all day,” you assure her before she thanks your patience and runs off to finish off whatever she was doing before.

Wandering around you take a look at the beautiful clothes on the racks, blown by basically everything you see and you can’t wait to wear the outfits that were meant for you. In the back of the room, a part is closed off for a changing area and you hear the door opening as Nancy walks out first, talking to someone following her behind and when you see the person, you freeze.

Harry Styles walks out, wearing a just a shirt and jeans, looking very casual but still, unbelievably hot. The man could wear a potato sack and still look better than any other men.

“Thank you so much,” he smiles at Nancy before his eyes lay on you, a wide smirk tugging on his lips in realization. “So nice to see a familiar face!” he beams, walking closer before he pulls you in for a short hug that catches you by surprise, but also warms your chest.

“Hi, didn’t expect to see you here, though you are kind of one with the brand at this point,” you tease him making him laugh.

“I am, yeah. I heard that you would be featured in the campaign as well. Amazing choice,” he smirks, glancing over at Nancy who smiles proudly, clearly agreeing with him.

“Y/N, I’ll get the changing room ready for you and we can start in five, alright?” Nancy informs you.

“Yeah, thank you!” You nod in her way and she is already off to do the work, leaving you and Harry alone.

“So, I learned some interesting information the other day,” he hums with a serious face and he got you curious about what it could be.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, you know, I was watching The Ellen Show and you were on, playing a little game.”

“Oh my God,” you breathe out, already feeling the heat crawling up your neck to your cheeks. Harry smirks down at you, clearly enjoying that he got you so nervous and embarrassed of what happened.

“I wish I knew about your little crush earlier!” he teases you, making your groan.

“And why is that? So you could pull my leg at the Grammy’s when I was already shitting my pants?”

Harry lets out a chuckle shaking his head as he hides his hands in his pockets, his eyes running up and down your figure before they meet with your gaze again.

“No. Because then I wouldn’t have talked myself down from asking for your number.”

You can’t help the stunned reaction that takes over your face at his blunt flirting, your lips part as your eyebrows shoot up while Harry just stares back at you with a sly smirk on his deliciously pink lips.

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yeah, but now that I know that you are crushing on me just like I’m crushing on you, I think it’s time to make the first step. So…” he pulls his phone out and hands it over to you and continues while you type your number in. “I’m not just asking for your number, but I happened to hear that you have nothing else planned for the day, is that true?”

“It is,” you nod, feeling out of breath as you hand him back his phone, your number saved in his contacts.

“Then how about grabbing lunch after your fitting? I happen to have nothing today as well, we should take advantage of it,” he suggests and you can’t push your stunned smile down.

“Sounds good,” you nod, biting into your bottom lip.

“Great. I’ll run some errands while you are here and I’ll be back in about an hour.”

“You could stay here if you want, I don’t mind it,” you tell him, feeling like he is only leaving because he doesn’t want to intrude.

“I would love to, but I really want to see the final outcome of the campaign and not spoil it for myself,” he smirks making you chuckle.

“Alright. Then see you in an hour.”

“Yeah,” he nods with a boyish smirk before turning around and walking out of the showroom.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[parkers-gal]

we’re not engaged T.H.

wc: 1.5k

ariana grande!reader tells the world tom and her aren’t engaged

(fluff)

She couldn't have been happier. She was practically glowing, only she wasn't pregnant. Just married.

Y/N and Tom had dated for two and a half years before Tom proposed. Announcing it on their social medias months later had erupted in millions of 'congrats!' and 'very happy for you two!"'s. The couple had announced their big step a few months after Tom popped the question, so the wedding was well on its way already. 

It wasn't a stereotypical wedding. On the contrary, it was quite small; only their closest friends & family members attended the private wedding venue. Paparazzi hadn't suspected a thing, and neither had the fans. 

It had been three months since the wedding, and Y/N was attending her first interview since before it. She was releasing an album in about a month, so there was much to catch up on. 

Tom and her agreed that if they were asked about marriage, then they would be honest, but they hoped to not go purposefully raise attention. 

"Y/N, welcome back! It's been what- a year?" Zach, the host, said. 

There was a group of fans sitting on the floor in bean bags and big cushions, right in front of the couch that Y/N and Zach were seated on, microphones propped up in front of them. 

"Uh-" she laughed. "Yeah, yeah I think so." She was sitting cross-legged, her hands in her lap and underneath the blanket that was covering her. She wasn't really hiding the ring sitting on her left hand, but she wore an over-sized hoodie (which was really just Tom's) so she would have sweater-paws in case. 

Y/N went on to answer each question, her answers three times as long as what was asked. The fans had respectable comments and questions as well -- joining in only when it was appropriate. 

"What was the hardest song to write?" 

"I think.." Y/N's right pointer finger was pointed out as she leaned on her hand in thought. "I think "ghostin.'" 

"Why's that?" Zach asked.

Instead of answering, Y/N used both her hands to gesture a pushing motion, her palms facing towards the audience as she made a soft facial expression. Zach laughed slightly in understanding, changing the topic to something a little less sensitive. 

"Did Tom help you write any of it?" he asked.

Y/N smiled at the mention of Tom, her heart rate increasing. She knew Tom was watching (and listening), live with the rest of the world, so she tried not to give him anything to tease her about.

"For sure," she laughed.

"What's so funny?" Zach asked, laughing along.

"Nothing-!" Y/N blushed. "If I tell you the song, listening to it will- oh god," she put her face in her hands in pure embarrassment.

"What's the song about?" Zach laughed.

"We're.. open to interpretation?" Y/N stated, though it came out as more of a question. 

"What's the song?" Someone from the audience asked.

"Track.. seven," Y/N laughed. "Track titles out in a week," she grinned slyly. Everyone grunted playfully in result, knowing they'd have to wait to find out. 

"So he helped you write it?' Zach continued. "Or did he like-"

"Well he was the inspiration," she answered, "and when I started writing it he came in and helped me write it like- halfway through, maybe three-fourths of the way through." 

a / n : the song is called 'make up' and its about really filthy make up sex, so there's that

"So," Zach smiled and eyed her knowingly. "You and Tom. You're still engaged?"

At this, everyone's ears perked up, their mouths shutting as they waited for her response. Y/N's mouth was open and about to say something, but nothing came out for the first few seconds. 

"Uhm," she glanced around the room, eyes moving but face stilled in it's position. "No- no we're not engaged anymore."

At this, she heard quiet gasps and small murmurs erupt throughout the room, and the phone that had questions from fans who were live-tweeting started blowing up. 

Tom, who was actually watching from the studio building, was also wide eyed, mouth open slightly. Harrison punched his arm lightly, removing Tom from his trance as both of them continued watching Y/N.

"What-" Zach followed-up immediately. "What happened? Did you call it off or di-"

"Well," Y/N was trying to suppress a smile. "When people get engaged, they have to get married at some point," she said, showing off her ring.

Zach had put a hand over his chest in relief, the audience breathing out sighs of relief as the room exploded with joy and congratulatory messages.  

"The wedding," Zach started after things quieted down. "It never surfaced online from the paps or anything."

"Yeah," Y/N said. "Tom and I are so fucking thankful for that. It was a private venue -- only family and close friends attended."

"Where was the honeymoon?" Someone sitting in front of her asked.

"Uhm- Venice. Venice, Italy," Y/N blushed at the thought of it.

"Where's Tom now?" The fans went on. "Is he filming? Or taking a break for the beginning of the marriage? Or-" 

Y/N's laugh interrupted him, her smile finally showing. "He's, uh- he's in the building," she admitted.

At this, noise grew wildly in excitement, multiple requests to get Tom in the interview being proposed. Y/N turned to Zach, silently asking him if he would allow it.

"As long as it's okay with the two of you," Zach smiled. "We have more than enough microphones." 

Y/N laughed, pulling her phone out of her pocket and ringing up Tom.

"Hey, sweets," he said. The phone was on speaker, and the audience awed at the pet name.

"Hi," Y/N replied timidly. "I'm not sure if you saw, but the-"

"I'm on my way. Harrison's giving me directions, so he'll probably be coming too," Tom said into the phone. 

Everyone was watching (listening to) the couple intently,  awing again at them.

"Okay," Y/N smiled. "I'll see you inna bit."

"Mhmm," Tom hummed, Harrison's voice lightly speaking in the background. "See you in five, angel. Love you."

"Love you too, Tommy," Y/N said, hanging up the phone and looking at it, a little lost in thought and forgetting about the current interview she was in. 

"You two seem so happy," Zach interrupted her daydream.

"Oh, for sure," Y/N said. "It's like a never-ending honeymoon phase, yanno?" She smiled again. Zach nodded along, the rest of the audience doing the same, and then a producer from behind the camera informed them that both Tom and Harrison had arrived. Two microphones, both with wires coming out from the bottom of them, were placed on the open space on the couch, between the host and Y/N. And then, both boys were sitting down, smiles adorning their faces. 

Tom had kissed her cheek, a simple gesture that had Y/N blushing wildly. 

"Hello, boys," Zach greeted them. 

Both replied with a simple 'hi,' and the interview went on, only this time, the questions were more open for each person to answer. 

"What is it liked being in a relationship with someone who's schedule is all over the place?" Zach asked, glancing between Tom and Y/N. "Actors and artists have it pretty rough. I- I can imagine it being.. pretty difficult to fully commit to a relationship and not see each other for months at a time." 

"Of course," Tom replied first, his accent thick as his chocolate curls fell on part of his face. "There's always rough patches, but for me, the peak of my career had really just, 'ended' you could say, and being with Y/N was like the first step to settling down. It was like I could fully support her from the front row, instead of on the sidelines like I always have." Tom blindly grabbed her hand and held it in his lap, linking their fingers together as he smiled softly. Both boys turned to her to see if she would respond.

"Uhm," she laughed quietly. "Not that his career his totally over, because his schedule gets more flexible the older he gets as an actor, but it's pretty much that. It's hard to support somebody else and do your job one hundred percent. When Tom was at his 'peak,' my music was kind of.. on hold for awhile," Y/N smiled. "It was a bit rough at times, but I think it's better to give your all to one thing, rather than trying to satisfy everybody at once. I was with Tom during filming, attending premieres and press tours too, and now I think the roles have just reversed."  

"You guys really have your shit together," Zach commented. The couple laughed, looking at each other because they knew he was right. "Well, I hope you two are really happy together, and I wish you both long & wonderful lives." 

"Oh, thank you Zach. God, don't make me cry," Y/N said, jokingly wiping her eyes with a smile on her face. 

Tom laughed at her too before replying. "Really, though. Thank you, mate," Tom smiled. 

"I think all the fans can agree that we need more [ your ship name ] content!" Zach exclaimed.

"We're playing 'Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts' on the Late Late Show tomorrow, so keep an eye out for that," Tom said nonchalantly.

"What?" Y/N said, bewildered. "I never signed up for that!" She laughed.

Tom smirked, "Surprise?" 

[softxhariana]

34+35 live stream

description: ariana’s live stream before debut of 34+35 remix music video.

word count: 2.22k

A/N: little piece based off this live stream that ariana did in the countdown to her releasing the 34+35 remix music video with doja and megan. obvs not included every question but just a few fun bits and harry mentions for you x

also disclaimer, this is NOT real, if u don't wanna read about these two then don't, i’m not tryna act like they’re together it is fiction.

❤ anywayz hope u enjoy luvs xox

❖   "HELLO EVERYONE! thank u for coming to this premier,” ariana smiled sweetly at the camera, as the video cut to a shot of her for the beginning of the countdown.

“we had so much fun making this 34+35 remix video for you, and uhh, we hope you love it.” she continued, playing with her hair. no matter how long she did this for she swore she would never cease to get slightly nervous in these situations. where it was her alone, in front of a camera. but her fans made her feel at ease, and she felt she owed them something, as she hadn’t done many quarantine interviews like other celebs have.

“i thought i would come celebrate and join the countdown with you guys. which is something that I've never done before, but i’m very happy to be here and i was very excited to get some questions from you all...” she held up the sheets of twitter questions she had received, “um that i’m gonna be answering while i’m here so, i cant wait to celebrate this together and countdown and answer some of your questions!” she finished with a smile.

and it was genuine. a real smile that her fans were thrilled to see.

ariana was genuinely so happy and content with her life right now. with her family, her music, her friends, harry. harry her FIANCE!! might she add.

everything just felt perfect, and after all the shit the last couple years had thrown her way, she appreciated the break.

 she got her love back, she was making music that she fully loved, and put her whole soul into, and she had fans who had stuck with her and supported her through some of the darkest times in her life, that were now able to experience her happiness and personal growth with her. so truly, little things like this, felt like the least she could do for them.

“ohh this is a good one because its 34 35 related” she tucked her hair behind her ears, “@noirgrande said ‘ummm its just i wanna the end of 34+35 is it awww shit or nooo shit, i just wanna sing the song right”

“umm it is indeed no shit” she confirmed, smiling matter of factly at the camera before reciting the closing line of the song.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“@arianalocks1223 said ‘will we get to see the track list before the songs release?’” she paused for a second to process - which turned into a few more seconds, she was a bit slow today. she had told harry with full sincerity that she thought it was because she was getting old but he had just cracked up at her absurd statement, and told her that if that was the case he’d still think she was a milf

“you will!” she nodded with certainty, “indeed. ummm... i can tell you them now” she blurted, oops.

“i suppose thats not like... is that against the rules? can i do that?” she turned, to question scooter who was supervising off camera, not wanting to get her label mad at her for releasing too much information, something she has a tendency to do. 

after getting the nod of reassurance from him she turned back to the camera, “so out of ‘POV’, you go into, um, an interlude called ‘someone like u’. after that is a song called ‘test drive’, after that is the 34/35 remix with doja and meg” she smiles lightly, “and after that is a song called ‘worst behaviour’, and after worst behaviour is... a song called ‘main thing’...” she finishes, a shy smirk forming on her face, dimples appearing, “so that’s the tracks.” 

continuing with the countdown, ariana felt her heart warm at the love her fans were giving her and this album. she loved interacting with them and making them happy and proud of her so knowing she had done just that, was an amazing feeling.

“umm hesbloodsline... @hesbloodsline ... i’m really fond of this question because its really to the point, ‘where's the pig and where the fuck is harry?’” she smiled, holding in a laugh.

“piggy’s here, she's great, she's really doing so well and life is really good for her right now, she's really thriving and doing her thing” she ranted, a hint of sarcasm in her voice, “um, i make her big salads everyday that she likes, she's doing really great. she asked me to stop posting her as much because she's actually really offended by a lot of your jokes that you make on twitter, she asked me to have a word with you guys” she continued to joke, well aware that she probably found herself more funny than anyone else did right now.

“she doesn't like the jokes about being eaten, they really hurt her, umm yeh, and she asked me to convey that... no she’s great...” she finally decided to answer, “and harry, is on set today, so um, yeh thats where he is... but don't worry i will tell him to keep you in the loop, i’ve got you” 

ariana unconsciously let a small smile take over her glossed lips when talking about harry. he had been so excited about this new project and seeing him passionate and happy about anything he’s doing, always made her happiest.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“nicole! @nastyctrl. nicole said ‘who helped come up with the concept for the positions music video, love u sm ari’ love you so much to, i love you so much more” she paused, she loved this story,

“um this is actually a really funny story, dave and i had been going back and forth on several different concepts, and i couldn't, like... marry one... i couldn't really, like, really commit to one, i wasn't 100% sold. and it was missing a certain element of empowerment. and i kept, you know, trying to think of things that would make it more impactful cause i wasn't loving what we had...”

“anddd then me and harry were on this huge hike, and he just turned to me and was like, ‘what if you were the president?’ which was like, not at all fitting cause i was dying and complaining the whole time. but i was like,” she tried to imitate a shocked face through her smile and laughed 

“and when i called dave he was like ‘oh... kay, ill call you guys back’ and had the whole production team redo everything, and i had mimi pull completely different outfits and we completely started over cause that idea was what i was, craving and missing. and i was like, wow, thats so perfect” she smiled, shrugging her shoulders, “so yeh, honorary directing credit to harry styles, if you liked that”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“this is from @borderlinevinyl, who said ‘how much of the album was recorded at your little home studio?’ ummm..” she sang, looking off camera in thought, everything in quarantine had honestly just blurred into one so she was struggling to remember what exactly she recorded where,

“um... a lot of it was... i think i did parts of everything here and parts of things at tommy's i know i did, um, the final chorus ad-libs for positions at home” she began listing in her head, “i know i did all of off the table at home... i know i did the final chorus of my hair at home because we- i-” oops. she had to control the laugh threatening to leave her lips at the lack of subtlety in her correction

“-i got out of the shower and he was like ‘oh your whistles are really here right now’, and i was like y’know what... yeahh they are aren’t they” she laughed as she squinted her eyes and recited that part of the conversation, even trying to imitate his deeper accent.

she had been singing in the shower - as she always did - and harry joining her never seemed to stop her from belting out any whitney or old one direction classic she wanted to. he would even join in sometimes and they'd end up with their own mini concert, dancing around naked, shampoo and conditioner bottles in hand singing their hearts out to everything from high school musical to nicki minaj to fleetwood mac.

while it felt like too bold of statement to make as she truly revelled in and enjoyed everything they did together, showering with him was truly one of her favourite’s. whether it was steamy shower sex that had all glass surfaces in the room fogging up or letting loose and dancing and singing under the pouring water, every moment felt so intimate and sacred. it truly made her feel like they were they only people in the world. 

of course he would claim she was out singing him every time she whistled and would jokingly try to replicate the note but he was truly just in awe off the sounds that came from her mouth (in all senses of the word;)

"-and so i opened ‘my hair’ and just randomly did that” she continued, “um what else did i do here, i did the a lot of the backgrounds and ad-libs for 34+35 here, um, obvious was done at home, a lot of six-thirty was done at home”

caught in her own thoughts she only realised she had probably been droning on for too long when she caught scooters eye across the room and with a blush she shook her head as if to clear it, “this is an annoying answer, everything was kind of all over the place but i did a lot, a lot, a lot of the vocals for the album at the house" she finally finished the long answer, moving on quickly as she realised she didn't have long until the premiere and she wanted to answer as many of the questions as possible.

“ok, second last question from hannah, ever- @everdxystxless, im sorry i don't know how to pronounce that” she laughs looking up at the camera with wide eyes, not sure how exactly how she was supposed to go about pronouncing the username, 

“im sorry, um, but anyway she say’s ‘ari baby, how do you feel about harry getting to do a movie with florence pugh, we know your a big fan of hers, ps. i love you so much!’ well hannah, i love you too” she replies, as she thinks back to when harry first introduced the two, after she had gotten over the initial fangirling, the pair became amazing friends. florence struck ariana as such a genuine, loving person and they shared the same dry sense of humour. plus ariana might of been just a little obsessed with her accent - not that she would ever admit that and scare the girl off.

“and... um, yeah, it literally, made me beyond happy, i was fully like, fangirling when i met her the first time” she laughs as she plays with her hair, “she honestly, probably was like, ‘who the fuck is this girl? what is she doing?’”ariana imitated, a faux scared/weirded out look on her face, playing the part of a mildly pissed off florence - which she luckily had never been on the receiving end of, “im sure i was being the opposite of subtle about it but, no, she really truly is the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful, talented human being” she emphasises, the thought of any news outlets of fan’s trying to spin a ‘jealousy’ story about this making her internally role her eyes,

“midsommar is, like, one of my all time favourite movies, and she's amazing in it, and harry’s like so fucking lucky its crazy. so yeah, thats insane”

~~~~~~~~~

"...so yeah... thank you so much! this was so much fun!” ariana exclaimed as she wrapped up the Q&A, smiling wide at the camera, she knew her fans were going to love the music video and she couldn't wait for them to watch it, plus interacting with them in this way always made her happy.

“i love you guys, i miss you” she reminded, “i am so appreciative of everything you've done for this album, for these singles, for this music. i hope that, um, that this makes you super happy, i hope it makes you smile...we had so much fun shooting it and um, the girls are so fantastic, so i hope you love this and i hope you love the deluxe!” 

ariana didn't know how many more ways she could say thank you and express her gratitude but she still had over a minute and a half so she’d have to come up with something, even if it meant she’d sound like a broken record

“i am so thankful for everything and for the love that you've shown this music i cant even begin to articulate it properly so, thank you! i appreciate it so much” she breathed out all in one, “but anyway, the video should be starting soon, so... i hope you like it, don't refresh! it’ll be here soon... i promise... just don't refresh” she urged dramatically, she was really dragging this out, “but yeh” she got out through laughs “the video should be starting anytime now, i love you guys” she blew a kiss to the camera before moving as close to the lens as possible “byee”.

🖤 there u go!! i hope you liked it, and any feedback would always always be welcomed and so so appreciated pls and thanku x 

[queenbrightwhitly]

Trust You (Pt 5)

Everyone stopped and looked at Vosler, even Malcolm. I walked past JT, taking a hold of Malcolms arm I started to pull him back. “Malcolm,” he looked down at me. “Come with me.” Slipping my hand into Malcolms I could feel his grip tighten. 

Pulling him along we walked away from the others. I took him to the roof, making sure he stayed close behind me. His hand was shaking again, I knew he was upset but his out burst at Vosler could mess with the investigation and we didn’t need that right now. 

Once the rooftop door closed behind us I let go of Malcolms hand. “You okay? “

“No! Why did you bring me up here?” Malcolm walked past and in front of me, pacing now as he became more frustrated. “I know hes lying about Andi.”

“Malcolm you can’t just yell out like that at a possible suspect, okay? Look we are doing what we can, and we will find Andi-”

“Right, because bringing me up to the rooftop is going to help with that!” He shook his head in disbelief, his hands were running though his hair.

“Look at you! You’re aggressive, emotional, you’re not in your right head space right now.” I looked down to his still shaking hand, he was still angry. 

“How would you know what my right head space is? I’m fine, I just need to go downstairs and-” 

“Do you really think Gil is going to let you near Vosler right now? I know you trust that JT, Dani, and Gil will take care of him. Stay up here, clear your head.” I watched as he kept pacing back and forth, his mind was racing with a million thoughts and his hand hadn’t let up even a little bit. “Look, I’m going to head back downstairs, but please promise me you’ll take a moment to try and clear some of those million thoughts, okay?” I smiled gently, hoping that would be enough for now. Turning around, I reached for the door. 

“I really do trust you Y/n, and I wanna talk about the other day. I know now is not the time, but I can’t help but think you’re starting to doubt... us.” 

I froze with my hand on the handle. I didn’t want Malcolm to think I doubted our relationship, I was just so frustrated that he continued to put his life at risk without a thought to those who loved him. He is worth so much more then he gives himself credit for. I turned around ready to tell him this but my phone started buzzing, I looked down and saw it was Dani texting me. 

“Go.” Malcolm looked down to my phone. “It’s probably important, I promise I’ll take a couple minutes up here.” 

I nodded, putting my phone back I looked back over to him. “I promise we will talk after this case is over.”

(cut to )

“Have you ever thought that due to Malcolms trauma as a child, his father being a killer, would make you feel unsafe with him or perhaps unstable to work on any case?”

I nodded. “Malcolm believes his upbringing from his father being a killer has made him understand serial killers in a different way. As far as I can tell, it has proven to be helpful, and I don’t think Malcolm would do anything on purpose to put the team at risk.” 

“You still believe this after the stunt he pulled the other day?” He looked up. 

“What Malcolm did was stupid and reckless but he didn’t hurt anyone. I don’t think that was his intention.” I leaned back in my chair, keeping myself defensive. 

“I see, so tell me, what happened with the case next?”

“Well..”

(cut to)

Gil and Malcolm had brought Jessica in for a little help on a deprogrammer. Since I hadn’t seen Jessica since the hospital, I thought I would make myself known. 

Malcolm said she had a plan to have a meeting with every deprogrammer in New York City and if I wanted to I could come and observe her with him though every meeting she had. Malcolm and I portrayed ourselves as the house help, serving tea, getting small snacks, keeping on the down low as Jessica chatted her way though these meetings.

“My cousin Ariana was recruited by the Moonies in the 80s. Ugh. We had a hell of a time getting her out, but as they say, forgive, love, unite.” That last part Jessica said she was looking right at me. Sending a wink my way she continued. Malcolm seemed to notice. 

The next few went by as normal, up until one lady. “She gave that boy everything she had, and he joins a cult? I mean, how hard is it to accept a trust fund, settle down, and pop out a few grandchildren?” Jessica glanced at Malcolm, seeming like she was talking about him. He managed to keep a straight face but I cracked a smile, lucky I was standing behind the women chair so she couldn’t see my face.

One guy had caught Malcolms eye, he thought this guy was who we were looking for. As soon as Malcolm walked the guy out, Jessica came right beside me. 

“Oh, Y/n, how have you been? You look as wonderful as ever. Tell me, whatever stupid thing my son did this time, I promise to take care of you if you ever need anything. We always have a spare room with your name on it.” She was as chipper as ever, her voice a sweet but still dominating sound.

“Thank you, Jessica. I think Malcolm and I just need to talk somethings out, but after the case.” I smiled at her, however her face fell and she rolled her eyes. 

“You and my son, always with the case comes first, you two are so perfect for each other. I’m not just saying that because I like you ether.” Jessica poured herself a drink and went back to her room. I sighed, I was sure that was something Malcolm would say. 

Once back at the station JT, Gil, Malcolm and I had Mr. Marsh in questioning, however... it wasn’t exactly going well. 

“You got nothing.” Marsh glared at Gil.

“We got your boots. They’re a match to the prints we found at the crime scene. Thats enough to hold you for 24 hours.”

“Tell us where Andi is.” Malcolm spoke up. 

Marsh slammed his hand on the table. JT snapped his fingers. “Easy.” He said, leaning over him. 

“Should’ve known this was a setup. How’d you find me?” Marsh asked, taking a bottle out and popping several pills before throwing it in the trash behind him. 

“You come highly recommended.” Gil said. 

“Because I get results.” 

“Results like murder?” JT spoke up. “Tristan Johnson left Vosler. He didn’t need your help getting out.”

“Everyone needs a little help from time to time. Thats the job.” Marsh stated.

“But this job was tougher then usual.” Malcolm started to walk towards Marsh. I watched him closely, taking a step forward myself to keep an arms length. “That big, important client wanted Andi back, and you couldn’t deliver. You needed to get to Andi, so you tortured Tristan.”

“But then something went wrong.” Gil cut in. “You lost control, you strangled him. Next thing you knew, Tristan was dead.”

“What kind of a deprogrammer allows himself to lose control?” Malcolm asked.

(Cut to)

“Bright didn’t believe the case was closed?”

I shook my head. “He was convinced Marsh was working for someone else.”

“Which is what led to the incident?” The doctor asked.

“I’d been worried about Malcolm all day. Now...now I was scared.” I looked away from the Dr, anywhere but his eyes. I made sure of that.

“Y/n, what happened? Right before the incident?”

(cut to)

I had just walked out the bathroom when I heard Malcolm and Gil talking, Malcolm sounded upset. Looking around the corner, I strolled a bit slowly forward to try and catch what they were saying, keeping my eyes from them to a case file I randomly picked up.

“I’ve been working this case!” Malcolm threw his pen down frustrated. 

Gil leaned down, setting his hands on Malcolms desk. “I brought you onto the team because you’re the best at what you do, Bright, but not when you get like this. 

“Like this?” Malcolm repeated. “I’m “like this” because of Martin Whitly, because of John Watkins, because of you.” 

Gil stood there for a second, he looked taken back. “What?”

“You asked for my help. You knew I couldn’t say no, and you brought them all back into my life. You did that. You started this.” Malcolm leaned back in his chair, letting out a deep sigh. 

My heart broke at the sight of Gils face. I knew Malcolm was hurting, but to take it out on Gil like this cut deeply. 

“Get the hell out of my precinct.” Gil said, turning around and walking straight  to his office. 

“Gil, no” Malcolm called out, following behind him. Gil didn’t turn around, instead he slammed the door to his office. Malcolm stood there, letting out a deep breath, he hung his head. 

I sighed, setting down the folder I was holding I looked back to Malcolm. He looked panicked now, his face looking in all directions. I watched as he suddenly sprinted his way to the investigation office. “Malcolm!” I called out, but he slammed the door behind him. 

I ran to the door, trying to open it, but it was locked. “Malcolm!” I banged on the door. “Malcolm, open this door!” I leaned my head against it to try and listen but all I could hear was rustling from inside. “Malcolm!” I tried again, still nothing. I looked behind me to see if anybody was around. When I saw it was clear, I whispered against the door. “Malcolm, Baby. Please.” All of a sudden the power shortened and the precinct was dark. 

(cut to main storyline)

Everyone was waiting, Malcolm was almost done with his interview, they had the Doctor cornered. Then just like that everyone walked in front of the window, to show him they got him, ready to arrest him. He looked shocked, seeing not only JT, Dani, and Gil and I but a few other officers standing behind us. As soon as we hear Malcolm tell the doctor he was under arrest, we knew the case was closed. 

“I’m impressed. Nothing gets past you Malcolm. One last question? Did you see this?” All of a sudden the Doctor pulled out a gun, holding it in Malcolms face. Everyone pulled out their guns, Gil yelled out something but you couldn’t make it out. You were too focused on Malcolm, the panic setting in as you watched the doctor continue to aim the gun at him. 

“Drop it, now!” Dani yelled.

“We will shoot you!” JT shouted right after. 

“Get me a hostage negotiator down here right now! Have a bus standing by!” Gil called out.

I looked from outside the window, watching Malcolm continue to talk to the doctor. I could see his hand shaking with the gun, he was starting to look panicked now. Malcolm must have said something to make him upset, all of a sudden the doctor yelled out stop, causing Gil to flinch. 

I knew Malcolm had a plan, he always did. No matter how stupid or reckless, I knew he would think of something. Just then I saw Malcolms hand move, he reached for the shock device and jabbed the doctor with it in the chest, causing him to fly back and hit the ground. 

JT and Dani went though the door first, Gil was following me close behind. I ran to Malcolm, forcing him to look at me, I checked his head, his shoulders, his chest, anywhere to find something. Eventually he took a hold of my hands and held them to his chest to keep them from moving, looking at me he sighed. “I’m okay. Not a scratch.” 

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, pulling Malcolm to me, I wrapped my arms around his chest, letting myself hear his heartbeat. I felt him move his good hand to the back of my head, messing with my hair to try and calm me down. 

“He’s alive.” JT spoke up. 

I pulled myself from Malcolm, almost forgetting where we were. I didn’t really wanna detach myself from him. Malcolm must have sensed this, since he took a step behind me, blocking his hand from view, he gently started rubbing circles on my back. 

“Wheres Andi?” JT asked Malcolm. 

“He didn’t give a location. Damn it.” Malcolm said annoyed. 

“You were with him the whole day. He must’ve let something slip.” Gil said. 

“He removed the case boards to make a safe space. He’d want the same for Andi.” Malcolm stated. 

JT nodded. “Someplace remote, hidden.”

Andi reminded him of his daughter.” Dani reminded. 

“Lilly.” Malcolm said. “It was in his story. The last place they were happy: the cottage!” Malcolm shouted out. 

“Sunken Meadow Beach. Go! Now!” Gil yelled out. 

JT broke open the door. “Police!”

Going around the house, the four of us came across a small bedroom. Once you were inside, meet with a women with dark hair tied to a small bed. Malcolm ran straight to her. 

“Andi... Andi, it’s me. You’re gonna be okay.” Malcolm reassured her. Andi, looked relived, but then she started crying. Malcolm pulled her to him, holding her as she sobbed. 

The next day I was supposed to go meet with Malcolm at his apartment to talk. Gil was currently there, I could only assume to discuss the case or even the whole blackout at the precinct. I had used the secret key that Jessica hides to get inside. Walking up the stairs, I found myself starting to hear voices, before I opened the door, I stopped myself once I heard Gil say my name. 

“Are you okay?” Gil asked. “You freaked out Y/n pretty good.” 

“I’m f-” Malcolm stopped himself. “No. I don’t think I am.” 

“You would’ve gone through with it, wouldn’t you?” Gil asked. “If you hadn’t found that pill bottle...you would have shocked yourself.”

Malcolm sighed deeply. “I’m not sure.”

“Okay.” Gil said. I heard him set his cup down and footsteps move to the door a bit. 

“Wait. How is that okay?” Malcolm asked, chuckling nervously. 

“It’s not. But you know you’re not okay, so...that makes it okay.” Gil stated.

“I’m not exactly following.” Malcolm said. 

“You need a vacation. Someplace with a beach.” I heard Malcolm sigh. “I know it’s not easy for you to slow down, Malcolm, but I want you to try. Go hop on a yacht or a helicopter or whatever else they’re doing on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.”

Malcolm laughed. “Thats... thats totally not a show anymore.”

“Thats a shame.” 

Malcolm chuckled again. It was so nice to hear him laugh this much, Gil really knew what he was doing. 

“I don’t wanna see you around the precinct for two weeks, you hear me?” Gil stated.

“Loud and clear. Malcolm responded. 

“Maybe take Y/n with you, I’m sure she could use a break having to worry if you are going to be alive the next day or not. Sometimes I think she likes being there as much as you do.” Gil joked. 

“Yeah, thats not such a bad idea.” Malcolm said. “Hey Gil. I was wrong. It’s not because of you. I’m sorry.”

“I know, kid... I know.” 

I heard Gil get closer to the door, opening it he looked down at me and smiled. Shutting the door behind him he took a step towards me. 

“Hey.” He said. 

“Hi. How is he?” I asked.

Gil sighed. “He’s not okay, but now he knows it. So, I guess thats a start.”

I nodded, making my way up the stairs, before I touched the door I felt Gil grip my arm. I looked down at him, waiting for him to speak. 

“You help him, Y/n. I know sometimes it may seem like he’s losing it, but when you’re with him... he almost acts-”

“Let me guess, normal?” I chuckled a bit. 

“Complete.”

I stopped myself, staring at Gil for a moment. “Complete?”

Gil nodded. “He thinks he can only cope his trauma with cases, but I think he has yet to realize that he has been slowly getting better when he’s around you. I don’t know what it is, but being with you is probably the most sane and happy i’ve ever seen him, and he doesn’t even have to try.” At that, Gil left me to be by myself. 

It took me a moment to gain all my thoughts, but when I did I opened the door to Malcolms apartment, shutting the door behind me. When I walked inside I slipped off my shoes, looking around for Malcolm. I spotted him on the couch, his back was to me and it didn’t seem like he noticed I was there. 

“I know you’re there.” Malcolm said. I was about to say something thinking he was talking to me but he continued to speak. “I get it. You’re a manifestation of my subconscious.” Now I knew, he wasn’t talking to me. “It’s all so devastating.” Malcolm looked over to his right, as if he was talking to someone on the couch, but nothing was there. 

“He tired to kill us.” Malcolm spoke again. All of a sudden Sunshine came and flew and landed on Malcolms cast, chirping softly. “I’m a civilian now Sunshine. We’re gonna have lots of time together.” He sighed out. “Just you, me and...” He looked to his right again, but whatever he saw before must have been gone now. “We’re gonna be okay.”

I smiled sadly. This was so hard for him. He had everything crashing down on him at once. But what did he mean, he tried to kill us? He couldn’t possibly mean John Watkins? Maybe someone else? I would ask him later but for now I thought I should make my presence known.

I walked towards the couch. “Mind if I join you two?”

Malcolm turned around smiling at me, he motioned for me to come sit. I made my way over, seating myself next to him, turning my body so I could face him completely, crossing my legs.

“You look comfy. Not very often I see you without the tie.” I brought my hand to the coller of his gray sweater, it was soft and fuzzy, very nice fabric.

Malcolm took my hand in his. Bringing it up to his face he kissed my knuckles, brushing his thumb on top. “I’m sorry, I scared you... Twice, actually.”

“Twice?”

“Once with the doctor and his gun and then...” He stopped himself, thinking back on his stunt he almost pulled. “ I heard you. Calling for me I mean. I could tell you were worried.”

“I was beyond worried, Malcolm. I was scared, I had never seen you and Gil argue like that before, and then to find out you did a shock treatment? What exactly where you trying to forget?” I gripped his hand tighter. His eyes looked at me sadly. He was so tired.

“John Watkins told me something about Dr. Whitly. I just keep thinking about it, and then I start hallucinating-“

“At the crime scene and at the precinct. You had that look in your eye, almost the same look you get you wake from one of your nightmares.” I nodded understanding. “You’re seeing things when you’re awake now.”

“Y/n, darling.” Malcolm sighed, leaning his head down on my shoulder. “I should have never said your feelings don’t matter, that anybody who cares about me doesn’t matter. I just- I can’t stand the thought of more people dying because of me. I trust you. I trust everyone on the team, and I know I need to work on keeping things from you all, I promise I will. I just-“

I didn’t really need to hear anymore. Grabbing Malcolms face I made him look up at me. I pecked his nose lightly before kissing him fully. He moved his arm to go behind my back, pulling my body towards him the only thing I could do was get on top of him.

I moved my leg to the other side of him, resting between the arm of the couch and his waist. I was straddling him now, feeling his hand draw light circles on my back. He pulled back, to which I protested. He just laughed, moving his hand from my back to my face, pushing some little hair that fell in my face behind my ear. “God, you’re beautiful.”

I groaned out, feeling my face getting warm from his staring. Malcolm had some of the most beautiful eyes I had ever scene, but when he looked at me a certain way with them. I was lost.

Hiding my face in his neck I refused to let him do this. I felt Malcolm body shake from laughing at my embarrassment. He moved his neck to kiss the top of my head, he wrapped his arms around me in a hug.

“Hey.” I said looking up at him. “I trust you, completely. I have absolutely no doubt about you. I love you.”

Malcolm smiled at me, kissing my forehead he looked back down. “I trust you, completely. I have absolutely no doubt that I love you. Thank you, for putting up with me.”

“We will see how I feel next week depending on how many times you almost get yourself killed.” Holding on to him tighter, I tucked myself back in.

“Heh, sure. Next week.”

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

Only Mine Pt. 2

A/N: Part 2! I’m really sorry if there are any grammatical errors. I haven’t updated in a bit, wanted to give you guys something, so I haven’t really proof read... like at all. So yeah, if there’s some weird mistakes it’s that. Pairing: Gerard Way x F!Reader Word count: 2339 Warnings: Implied smut, a few curse words (I think one, tbh)

The Grammys. An artists dream award.

To even be recognized by the Grammys was already a huge deal for any singer, songwriter, or band. But to be nominated for 10 awards? That was a whole other ballgame.

That’s where you stood tonight though. On the large red carpet in a formal ball gown, an off shoulder look with a slit next to your leg, and it was a beautiful emerald green color, Gerard next to you in a solid black tux. Usually he would say no to these events, but it was you. And this could have been the night you received your greatest accomplishment ever, so he was not going to miss it for the world.

Just like Gerard had predicted, My Midnight Boy was an absolute hit. Many were already considering it the album of the decade, and was placed on to Billboard Top 100 at #1 for over 12 weeks, with over half of the songs reaching the top 5. While that was exciting for so many reasons, a lot of other things in your personal life took a 180. For starters, paparazzi were everywhere. Anytime you or Gerard walked out of your New York apartment, a line of at least half a dozen paps were suited with large cameras to take as many photos as possible. When the two of you were together, there were usually 20. So naturally, you both had to hire security. It was never a decision that you wanted to make, it was one that needed to happen.

Next, your band broke up. Apparently, the boys there couldn’t take your individual success and broke up in a screaming fight which left you crying in a studio, and Gerard having to come and console you for a few hours, reminding you that they left because they couldn’t handle your fame and success.

Your fandom also grew immensely, which was great. You loved scrolling through your Instagram and Twitter everyday, only to see hundreds of fans show off your merch. Some even had Y/N Y/L/N themed parties, rooms, and costumes. It was all so overwhelming, in a good way.

You and him had both done numerous interviews at this point. You were especially glad that Gerard was being asked about My Chem, and not just you. And the questions that did come about you, he would always have the sweetest most genuine answers. “She’s honestly the most incredible woman I’ve ever met, and I’m so lucky to have her as my best friend and fiancee.” “She’s a musical genius, honestly. She’s way smarter, way more beautiful, and way more talented than me. Which I’m okay with because she deserves and has earned everything she has.” “She surprises me everyday. She has new, crazy ideas for music. And they all work. She just makes it work.”

And every time you would stand off with a huge smile and even more prominent blush on your face. Finally, at one point, you were asked about Gerard. After all, it was pretty well known now that “My Midnight Boy” was, well, Gerard.

“He’s honestly the best man ever.” You smiled and looked over at him as he just smiled, “I wouldn’t have written as genuine, and heartfelt songs about anyone else. He just makes me feel every emotion, and he’s the one who brings out the best me. He’s my number one supporter, and he always reminds me of that. I couldn’t dream of a more perfect person to spend the rest of my life with.” You could feel your lover squeeze your hand in a small gesture of thanks. You both smiled, departing from that interviewer where your manager met you at the end of the carpet.

“You both did great.” He smiled, “Now the official show starts in about 20 minutes, so they’re beginning to urge everyone to take their seats. Since both of you are done with interviews, it’s probably a good time to head in.” The two of you nodded, being led into the auditorium where you were seated in the first row. Best of the best.

You had an insane amount of people, stars who you had never even dreamt of meeting, coming up and introducing themselves, starting small talk about just how incredible your album was.

You were quite overwhelmed by everything, being at the Grammys hadn’t really sunk in until you were actually there. Gerard could tell, pretty easily, and simply placed his hand on your knee, giving it a lightly squeeze. “It’s okay, sugar,” He whispered into your ear, “You’re doing great.” You gave him a tight smile, him returning one back.

Only a few minutes later, the awards started. You had to admit, it was less glamorized than what seeing it on TV made it out to be. Of course the performances were great, but the moments of complete boredom during commercial breaks and such made you realize were so many stars had complained some about the Grammys.

“After this,” You yawned during once of the breaks, placing your head on Gerard’s shoulder, “Can we go home and eat get some Chinese take out?” “Whatever you want, love.” He kissed the top of your head. You and him were not into much PDA, so anything beyond a hand hold or kiss was a lot.

“And a movie?” You asked next and he smiled.

“Of course, darling.” You smiled back, picking your head back up. The show restarted, both of you sitting back up as they continued going through some of the smaller categories, finally hitting the large ones.

“Next up, we have song of the year.” The two announcers smiled. They went through a list of artists along with their songs, Ariana Grande, Beyonce, and a few more were included, “Cardigan, Y/F/N Y/L/N.” They said and you smiled, Gerard next to you smiling as well as the cameras flashed to the two of you.

“And the award goes to...” It took them a few moments to open the card, your heart beginning to race. You grabbed onto Gerard’s hand, giving it a squeeze, and him squeezing back as your eyes went wide in anticipation, breaths caught in your throats.

“Cardigan, Y/F/N Y/L/N!” You heard cheering as you let out both a breath and a huge smile. You stood up with Gerard, who was already standing and clapping as you gave him a hug, him immediately hugging you back and giving you a kiss on the lips as the cheers continued. You only stayed for a few seconds before smiling at him again, and running up to the stage to the best of your abilities.

You hugged the two announcers as they handed you your very own Grammy. You looked at it only for a brief moment, holding it while you walked up to the mic. “Okay, so this is absolutely insane.” You sighed as a few people began laughing. “This is my first Grammy ever, and to even be able to be nominated for something like this was enough for me. But winning is beyond my wildest dreams.” You took a brief pause to actually breathe, “I want to thank all my friends and family who let me follow my passions and dreams of being a musician, I would like to thank my wonderful fiancee and muse who, without him, this song and no other song on that album would have been written. And I would like to thank every single fan who has stuck by me through thick and thin. You guys are what keeps me running every day and give me motivation to keep pushing my music further even when it may seem like I can’t, or it’s impossible. This is just so crazy, but thank you everyone!” You smiled as the cheers re-erupted, the trophy being taken away from your temporarily.

You found yourself right back in your loving fiancees arms before sitting back down. “You just won a Grammy.” He sat in awe and began lightly laughing, “You just won a Grammy!” “I know!” You responded, too in shock. “I really hope you do realize I couldn’t have ever done it without you though.” You smiled at him.

“Oh, please,” He scoffed, “You’re a musical genius. You could easily do anything without me.” “But you’re my muse!” You defended.

“Which is extremely flattering, thank you.” He gave you a peck on the lips, “But seriously, you deserve every inch of that award. You worked hard for it. You deserve it.” You smiled up at him.

“You’re incredible, you know that?” “Oh, not nearly as incredible as you darling.” By the end of the night, you had managed to do what almost no other artist had done. Won 10 Grammys in one night.

You stood on the large red carpet, dozens of Grammy logos behind you as you yourself held 10 trophies, stacked on one another, up to your chin. You smiled at all the cameras, flashing from a million different directions, your name being yelled over and over as they tried to get your attention.

Finally, you got the okay to walk off, a few people helping to retrieve your awards, which would later get your name engraved into them. At the end, behind everyone and all the chaos was your manager and Gerard, who both stood and smiled at you. You ran into his arms, giving him a tight hug as he gave you one back.

“I’m so proud of you.” He smiled down at you, your height difference pretty visible.

“Thank you.” You smiled like a fool giving you a quick kiss.

“I can’t believe it, Y/N,” Your managed spoke, “You did it!” You nodded and gave him, too, a hug. “This is huge. I mean, absolutely huge!” You nodded. “You set a record, you have 10 Grammys, I mean-” “It feels too good to be true.” You commented and he nodded. “Are you two heading to any of the after parties?” You shook your head, “I assumed not.” He smiled, “Which actually makes my life easier because I don’t have to go and monitor either.” You lightly laughed, “Well you two go home, and relax. Have some fun, but not too much fun.” He smirked.

“Oh shut up.” You rolled your eyes and waved as you and Gerard went to the back entrance to be picked up by a driver who was taking you back to your LA home.

Gerard opened the front door, letting you in first, and closing it once he got in. You slipped off your shoes with a sigh. “I think I’m gonna go upstairs, take off my makeup and all.” You lightly smiled at him. “I’ll come with you.” He smiled back. The two of you ran up the stairs like foolish teenagers in love, stumbling from one stair to another before reaching the top floor and running to the master bedroom, Gerard shutting the door eagerly behind you.

He immediately ran up to you after that, giving you a long and passionate kiss. You melted into him, letting him gently push you onto the plush bed. “So we’re on the same page?” You pulled away for a brief moment to catch some air. He lightly laughed.

“Yeah, babe.” He went right back to his assault on your lips, moving down to your neck and collarbone, finding your sweet spot quickly where you let out a loud moan. “Gee,” You begged and he hummed.

“Yes, baby doll?” He inquired, looking up to you from where he continued to plant kisses on your collar bone.

“Please.” Your strained and needy voice sounded.

“Please, what, baby?” He teased you a bit and you lightly huffed.

“Just fuck me.” You said with confidence this time.

“Your wish is my command.”

That led you to laying beside him, your body covered in both his and your own sweat. His arm was tightly wrapped around you as he played with your hair. He gave you a quick kiss. “Where’re you going?” You whined. He looked back and lightly laughed.

“To clean you up, sugar.” He lightly smiled, walking into the en suite. “I don’t deserve you.” You muttered and smiled, pulling the duvet over your bare body.

“I could say the same for you.” He smiled, coming back with a towel. “You’re just too damn perfect.” He sighed.

“Oh, c’mon Gee, don’t lie to you or me.”

“I mean it,” He climbed into bed next to you, “You are perfect.”

“Sure,” You sighed, he leaned in and gave you a kiss.

“I’m going to work my entire damn life to make you understand you’re perfect if I have to.” You placed your head on his shoulder.

“I love you.” You smiled up at him.

“I love you too.” He smiled back.

“Now can we get Chinese food.” He lightly laughed.

“Yes, of course.” He got up, wrapping himself in a towel, “And then watch Star Wars?” He asked hopefully.

“Yeah, what else we would watch?” “I don’t know,” He sighed, “A horror movie-” “I don’t like those, Gee.” You whined.

“I know,” He smiled, “That’s why we don’t watch them.” You got up yourself, taking part of a throw blanket to cover yourself as you walked into your walk in closet, grabbing your Star Wars PJs.

“Gee,” You called into his closet, “You better be wearing your-” “Star Wars PJs? Yeah, I know.” He walked out with them on, and you with yours.

“Perfect.” You smiled and he wrapped an arm around you.

“You know I am so proud of you, right?” He looked over at you as you were walking down the stairs. You smiled, blushing and involuntarily covering your face with your sleeves to hide it. “Oh c’mon! I wanna see your pretty face.” He complained.

“Thanks.” You looked up at him lightly, still shying away from the praise.

“C’mere sugar.” He opened up your arms which you walked in as he held you tightly, kissing the top of your head. “You really are perfect. Too perfect, but perfect.”

[zigtheeortega]

“’cause we're collectin' moments; tattoos on my mind”

pairing: raleigh x mc

@choicesmarchchallenge

word count: 2,071

song inspiration: sometimes - ariana grande 

tag list: @violinet​ ; @bloodxbound​ ; @dadrianraines​ ; @mentallych-ill-desi​ ; @adrixnrxines​ ; @roguemal​

author’s note: the lyric (that’s the title) from sometimes inspired this fic! i love raleigh sm. also sorry for the double post it just lined up that way lmfao. also sorry if this is an unpopular opinion, but i dont care for the platinum mc so i decided to make her more of what i thought raleigh’s type of girl would be (lmao). anyways, hope u enjoy!!!

She tripped over a large crack in the sidewalk, almost wiping out completely, but Raleigh’s strong grip managed to keep her going.

“C’mon, Dom, they’re gaining on us!” he laughed, whisking her through the street, cutting through an alleyway.

He stopped abruptly and pulled her close, a mischievous grin on his face. He held a finger to her mouth, and cocked his head in the direction of the street.

The paparazzi sprinted by, not even glancing in the direction of the dimly lit alley. The shuffling of their feet faded into distant patters.

Raleigh tiptoed to the opening of the alley and peeked his head around the damp brick wall, before jogging back to the shadows, the smile from before still lingering on his lips. “Coast is clear.”

“So what now, genius?”

He chuckled, hugging her close with one arm draped lazily around her shoulder. She could smell the cheap tequila on his breath, a reminder of their rendezvous at the sketchy bar.

She leaned into his touch, the buzz not quite wearing off yet. The alcohol weighed her head down, and before she knew it, she rested it on his shoulder.

“Well, I haven’t done anything truly reckless in a while. Gotta keep the bad boy image up,” he said, sliding his arm down to her waist.

“Are you gonna explain what that means exactly?” she laughed.

“You might not think it now, but I used to be a goodie-goodie,” he started, guiding her towards the opening in the alley. “When I first started in Sunset Skatepark, I was supposed to be absolutely perfect, and tattoos were a huge part of that, believe it or not.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re lying.”

“Honest to God, I’m not lying. I wanted them so bad that I got any old stick and poke that was offered to me, which I don’t recommend at all,” he shook his head. “Obviously they’ve been covered up since then by these beauties,” he gestured to the arm wrapped snugly around her. “But I miss the spontaneity.”

“You, Raleigh Carrera, miss spontaneity? Mr. Publicity Stunt? Mr. Dating to Get the Tabloids On His Side?”

“I know it sounds crazy, Dom, but I miss being kind of secretive. Getting a tiny stick and poke where no one could see was exhilarating.” She looked up at him, and his face was bright.

His face was reminiscent of the past, a hint of gratification that she knew he hadn’t felt in a long time. Raleigh had always struggled with being truly content with his life, and she knew that their whirlwind romance was something to fill his void, as harsh as that sounded.

She couldn’t imagine what he’d been through. She’d gotten a taste of the high life, and she was exhausted. Knowing that, she didn’t mind being the person to fill in the cracks, clinging to the pieces to keep it together.

He used chaos as escapism, as a way to outrun the parasitic tendrils of the industry, the burden that came with being a household name, and the inevitable role model title that came with it.

She knew he was chasing a high that he could never sustain, and if feeding into his law-bending fantasies was the way to bring out the best in Raleigh, she would do it no matter the cost.

“So you want us to get party tattoos?” She finished, and his features twisted into a sheepish expression, one that was foreign on his face. He wasn’t one to get beaten to the punchline, so he seemed surprised by her willingness to match his energy.

“What do you know about party tattoos?” He smirked, his curiosity piqued.

“That’s for me to know, and for you to find out… eventually.”

He quirked a brow and leaned back, glancing at her lower back.

“I’m not saying a word,” she giggled, grabbing onto the hand draped around her waist, intertwining their fingers.

They rounded the corner and spotted the neon sign of the tattoo parlor down the road from them.

“You sure about this? Tattoos are permanent, you know. Plus we’re not exactly in the right mindset for this.”

“I’m sure.”

They walked in silence for a while, the only sound between them the tapping of her heels on the concrete sidewalk.

He pulled on the handle, and the small silver bells attached to the inside of the door jingled, and a gruff-looking man covered in tattoos looked up from the magazine he was reading. Luckily enough, it had to be Raleigh’s most recent cover.

His eyes widened, and Raleigh stopped him almost immediately. “I’d really appreciate it if you could keep this between us. We had to outrun the paparazzi a few minutes ago, and we really wanted a night to ourselves.”

The man looked starstruck, so Raleigh continued. “I’ll pay extra to rent out the shop for an hour or two.”

He shook his head, finally finding his words. “No need, Mr. Carrera. I’d only request an autograph, and maybe a picture to show my wife, if you wouldn’t mind. She’s a huge fan.”

Raleigh flashed him his most charming smile. “You got it.” He grabbed a sharpie and the magazine, while the man switched off the open sign and locked the front door.

“You want me to make it out to anyone in particular, sir?” He asked, signing his name with a flourish.

“Yeah, could you make it out to Linda?”

“Of course,” he smiled, a few strands of hair falling in front of his face while he concentrated on the message he was scrawling.

The man led them to a back room, and sanitized his station before sliding on a pair of gloves.

“How do you want to do this?” Excitement glimmered in his eyes, and warmth spread throughout her chest.

“I thought it could be a surprise,” she said, already locking in on an idea.

“You read my mind,” he grinned. He stripped his shirt off quickly, his lean torso flexing as he shimmied off his top. She tried diverting her eyes, but to no avail. He caught her staring, a hint of hunger in his look.

She sat just outside the room on a small leather couch, thumbing through Raleigh’s magazine shoot and interview to keep herself company while the needle buzzed in the other room. The interview was alien to her; he was keeping true to his public image, but it was so different than the side of Raleigh he’d allowed her to see.

She pitied the public who’d never get Raleigh to be truly candid and vulnerable with them.

Soon enough, he was done, and it was concealed from her eyes by the small bandage.

“I have an idea of where I want it, but I’m not so sure what I need to do…” she trailed off, not knowing how to approach an underboob tattoo. Was it appropriate to keep the shirt on? To take it off? Should she just take her bra off?

“If it’s anywhere near your chest, you’ll have to take your bra off. You can keep your shirt on as long as you keep it above the area we’ll be tattooing,” the man said professionally, and it eased her mind.

Raleigh watched from the doorway as she unhooked her bralette and slipped it through the arm of her shirt. His eyes were trained on her as she laid down on the table, lifting her top to right underneath her nipple. She didn’t mind him watching her; a heat bloomed in her stomach when she truly realized how her body commanded his.

“Go sit down,” she said, shooing him away. He chuckled, raising his hands up in front of him, before plopping on the same leather couch she had sat minutes before.

She described the tattoo to him, and he looked at her like she was crazy. It was simple, but so reckless. Something she wouldn’t have even entertained the idea of a few months prior. But something that seemed so natural and… right.

The machine punctured her skin, stinging in a way that was a comfortable pain – therapeutic, even. She winced, sighing as the needle passed across her rib bone.

“I have to go back over it one more time, and I’ll be done. You’re doing great,” he said under his breath, intently focused on maintaining the steadiness of his grip on the machine.

She gritted her teeth as he passed over the tender skin again, sucking her breath in.

“You okay?” Raleigh called from the other room, concern laced through the raspy bass of his voice.

“I’m great,” she replied, gripping her shirt above her bra.

“You’re all done,” he said, rubbing a thin layer of a sticky substance on her skin before taping a small bandage over it. “I’m putting petroleum jelly on this. Don’t take the bandage off till this time tomorrow.”

Within a couple of minutes, Raleigh handed over cash and a hefty tip to the artist, and they were out of the door.

It was nearly 2 a.m., and her thoughts seemed clearer, the cloudy haze of tequila beginning to fade. They walked leisurely down the empty road.

The street lamps were illuminating small patches of the road, the stretches of darkness more prevalent than light. The apartments and small shops were closed – they were the only people outside.

He stopped her underneath the bright bulb of the lamp nearest to them, and grinned. “Were you planning on showing me what you got at some point?”

“Yeah, but only if you do it first,” she replied, barely able to think straight. Her eyes grazed over his features as he looked down on her, taking in the soft shadows left on his tanned skin, his jawline and exposed collarbone looking especially sharp under the yellow light.

“Alright, that’s fair.” He pulled up his shirt, before peeling back the tape and the bandage with it. He’d gotten a tiny cloud tattooed right above the paragraph of text on his ribcage.

“What does it mean?”

His eyes glimmered despite the dim lighting. “You’re the only person in this world that makes me feel like I’m more than what I pretend to be. And you’re the only person who’s really seen the real me, and makes me feel like I’m… worth something, you know? I feel like I’m weightless, like I’m floating when I’m with you. Like I’m dreaming. Like my head is in the clouds, but in the best way.”

He reached out to stroke her cheek, and she leaned into his hand. He pressed his lips against hers softly, and she chuckled once. He pulled back, eyeing her. “I never thought I’d see this side of you, but I’m so glad it’s my secret to keep.”

He grinned, and reapplied his bandage, gesturing for her to take her turn.

She pulled her shirt and bra up, just enough for the bandage to be free. She lifted the tape, revealing two letters: R.C.

His eyes widened. She could tell he was momentarily stunned, so she jumped right in.

“My whole life I’ve felt average. Just another girl chasing a dream that she’d never achieve because she sounded and looked like every other girl that she was competing with. You changed my life. One in a Million was my ticket, but you were the one who gave that to me.

“I never wanted to be ‘boring’. I was just cautious. Comfortable. Safe. You’ve brought out a side of me that I never thought I could be, because you believed in me. I could spend a lifetime thanking you, but I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“So you branded yourself with my initials?” He said, still stunned, but the look on his face had softened significantly.

“And you got a tattoo inspired by me, too. What’s the difference?” She smiled and sniffled, scrubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“I guess we belong to each other now,” he said, before sweeping her up into his arms and kissing her fervently, the distant sounds of the city keeping them grounded.

----

[oopssasha]

A Fan Theory: Larry Stylinson

Dear Sasha

Because you wouldn’t Elsa and let it go. I’m gonna go all out with this once and for all. Quarantine is honestly killing my mind. So might as well do it now.

In this very long multiple-part essay, I will explain why I believe that Harry and Louis have been together for a decade now.

This is part 1: What got me digging into the pit of Larry Stylinson evidence.

I only got into 1D because Louis’s ‘Walls’ album is AMAZING. So I went back and listened to every single song that Louis was credited as one of the songwriters. Guess what, I noticed things. I’m a nerd who’s into music and lyrics interpretation. And I didn’t live under a rock, so I’ve heard about Larry Stylinson before. I just never looked into it because I was too busy being a Swiftie.

When I started listening to 1D, I hit a jackpot with Perfect. (The only 1D released song that Louis and Harry wrote together without other boys) Because I was such a Swiftie, I recognized Style immediately. Same tempo, same key, same chords, same everything. It’s basically a COLLABORATION. I died. DEAD. Instead of Harry and Taylor holding hands in Central Park for paparazzo, Taylor, Harry, and Louis could have been writing more music together!

Here. Listen to this. Then I dare you to say you don’t want more. Fans of both Taylor and 1D were ROBBED.

I knew that Haylor’s Winter Romance was a PR thing because Taylor did not try to hide the fact that it was a PR thing at all. I actually think she resented that she had to do it to promote an album, instead of letting her music speaks for itself. She’s a GREAT MUSICIAN. I’m sorry. I got a bit too worked up about this. All the drama she went through, especially from 1989-reputation, was really difficult to witness. She called 1989 the depiction of what the media wanted her to be. Then she basically dumped the mainstream media with Reputation. “There will be no explanation. Only reputation.” And her AMA performance was the greatest ever “Bye, Felicia!” to her old recording label. And I just love my dramatic Queen, okay.

Back to Larry Stylinson, I can’t unheard what I did in Perfect. So I started digging into the other side of Haylor. And, oh boy. I thought Taylor was unhappy about it. But Harry and Louis looked downright miserable during this time. So devastated that it hurt my heart. God, no wonder Taylor wrote Out of the Wood. It’s basically a gay anthem. Just listen. “...the rest of the world was black and white, but we were in screaming colors.” The most blatant rainbow reference ever and some people still think this song is about a heterosexual relationship, honestly. I used to think it might’ve been about Kaylor (Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift) but nuh uh.

Taylor said OOTW was written for the relationship she was in where the biggest feeling in that whole relationship was anxiety. (Will we, won’t we make it?) She emphasized a lot on how ‘just because it was filled with anxiety all the time doesn’t mean that it wasn’t special.’ God, imagine being in her shoes, in a PR relationship, holding hands with a heartbroken boy who isn’t allowed to hold his boyfriend’s hand in public. It broke my heart to pieces. Probably broke Taylor’s, too. (You remember how I wrote another detailed essay on this before, yeah?)

My next stop was music written by Harry and/or Louis, obviously. That’s the playlist you wrote plot bunny about. You could write an entire plot of a romance novel, exclusively from their songs. And damn it, even the songs Harry/Louis wrote for someone else to sing are still obviously their own story. I’m talking about Blackbear’s CHANGES (It’s sad but true, can’t be in love with you = the forced closeting), Ariana Grande’s Just a Little Bit of Your Heart (I know I’m not your only, but at least I’m one. = the bearding), Alex & Sierra’s (You ran your finger down my back and you spelled out your name. = all the times they were hiding their affectionate gestures behind their backs. And other boys’ back. Honestly, they were being sneaky. But it’s something you can’t unsee. And once I saw it, I started seeing everywhere. I’ll give you examples, you’ll see.)

After the music, I arrived at the figurative tattoo parlor. I went there next because Harry and Louis have far too many suspiciously complementary tattoos. (Hi-Oops, Ship-Compass, Anchor-Rope, Heart-Arrow, Rose-Dagger, A Small Cage-Flying Little Birds, Butterfly-‘It Is What It Is’, I can’t change-a blank quotation) Taylor was there when Harry got his ship tattoo, at the same place where Louis got his compass tattoo within the next 24 hours. According to the tattoo artist, Harry said, “We’re always on the road. But my heart is at home and I want a ship.” Meanwhile, instead of pointing toward North like a regular compass, Louis’s compass points to HOME. I absolutely think Taylor wrote I Know Places for them. Again, listen. “Loose lips sink ship all the damn time, not this time.” And do you know what this song reminds me of? 1D’s Something Great. Why? Louis’s lines in Something Great, the last four, completely deviate from the rest of the song. The last four in I Know Places did the same thing.

“You’re all I want”

“They takes their shots but we’re bulletproof”

“So much it’s hurting.”

“And you know for me it’s always you.”

“You’re all I want”

“In the dead of night, your eyes so green”

“So much it’s hurting.”

“And I know for you it’s always me.”

They sounded like a shift in perspective to me. The difference was that in Something Great it was just a melodic line, a plea from one person to another. But in I Know Places, the chorus stayed, as a witness.

Taylor was a Larrie. There. I said it.

When 1D was asked about the stories behind their tattoos, Louis always dodged the question by saying something along the line of, “People always think it has to mean something when it could’ve meant nothing at all. It’s just a tattoo.” But recently on a radio show, he talked about the time a fan asked him to write something on her arm so she could get it tattooed, he asked her what she wanted him to write and she said, “I don’t know!” And Louis’s shook. “To be fair, love. It’s a lot of pressure for me. You’re gonna have this on your body for the rest of your life and you’re just saying to me, ‘Write anything.’ It’s difficult.”

So, the same Louis Tomlinson got several prominent tattoos (a stag, a compass, a dagger) which will be on his body for the rest of his life with absolutely no meanings at all. Quite a few (little birds, quotation marks under his rope) that he couldn’t remember why he got it. The compass was the strangest thing. He seemed to have spent a lot of time looking at it, for something with no meaning behind it at all. And, “It points to home. Isn’t that sweet?”

Boobear, you’re not fooling anybody.

Honestly, the tattoos are enough to convince me that Harry and Louis, at the very least, were together for quite a long while. At least from the start of 1D to 1D going on Hiatus. Just look.

First Day of 1D: Louis jumped into Harry’s arms. Harry attempted to twirl them unsuccessfully.

Last Day of 1D before Hiatus: Harry held Louis’s arm behind Niall’s back (This was very much a recurring theme throughout their time in 1D.)

Here’s an exhibition of ‘See it Once, See it Always’

Sir Ian McKellen & One Direction on the Graham Norton Show: Louis was sitting very awkwardly here. At first glance, it seemed like he wanted to be as far away from Harry as possible. But look at his leg. Just look. Louis kept his right leg there, touching Harry’s left leg throughout the whole interview. There were some comments in this video that went on about how Louis was being so mean to Harry. And I’m like, please look before you pass judgement. But I’ve got the benefit of hindsight is 20/20 and hearing Louis sings about Princess Park, so. They were definitely very much in love here.

Night Changes performance on this show was just Harry’s serenading Louis. Watch the video and just look at the way Louis smiled back. He’s so happy. It’s adorable. Zayn and Niall were absolutely trying not to fangirl here. In fact, let me make a meme out of this.

Come on, when you know, you know.

Before heading to Part 2, you should watch this first. Chely Wright is a lesbian country musician. She was in a closet for a long time. It was a difficult experience for her and a heartbreaking bedtime story for me.

Will edit the link to part 2 in when I post it.

Good night now Sasha

Del

[tainted-musix]

Why is it hard for people to be themselves in the industry? And does the industry allow it?

I will admit I have been sleeping on Ed Sheeran and not just his music, but him in general. He is one of the few artist that is successfully himself. He put out his recent album No.9 Collaboration. 

Not only does he take different direction in music for himself he collaborates with numerous artist to create a DJ Khaled style album. However, he puts his own spin on the style. He ACTUALLY sings on them unlike DJ (subtle drag). 

I want to talk about the question in the title though.... If you’re here because you follow the page, care about the industry and educating yourself more on how it works, or you just stumbled upon it.... Welcome! I’m not the most knowledgable, but who is?

Recently Ed did an interview with Charlamagne tha God, for typing sake we will refer to him as CTG, ok? ok. The interview is basically a commentary for the project in video format. CTG asks him a question referring to the project, track by track, and Ed answers the question. He discusses lyrics and the meaning behind the people he chose to work with. One section of the interview was interesting though and immediately caught my attention. 

The specific thing I’ll be talking about is found around 34:50-36:04 . Ed talks about Beautiful People ft Khalid. In that conversation he speaks about how much he hated living LA and NY because of the fact that there was always something going on. There was always a party or an event that was happening. It was/is a constant cycle. 

This immediately made me think about Real Friends by Camila Cabello. Which in the lyrics she talks about LA and the idea of it being a paper town where everything is just for show. This is when things got interesting.

CTG asked Ed, “Why is it hard for people to be themselves in the industry? And does the industry allow it?”

Ed answered the question from his personal experience and I really loved it. He goes on to talk about how it is possible and there is a space for it in the industry, but that person would have to be successful as themself. Basically if you put on an act you can still be successful, but it’s tricky to get out of. 

By that and what he said afterwards I can assume he means you can definitely be successful as something else, but once you realize maybe you aren’t happy acting like someone you're not its hard to get yourself out the situation. 

So now this poses a completely separate question of if someone goes into the industry young and impressionable do they get to decide? 

Fifth Harmony (the girls involved), Miley Cyrus, even Justin Bieber for example they came into everything young. Miley was acting and had this Disney image to breakout of as well as many other Disney stars. At some point she had her moment of wanting to be Miley not Hannah and so she went and made noise the only way she knew how. With her music. She changed her style and how she was perceived to the public so she could break out of that mold. Now her numbers may not be the same, and she may not top the charts all the time or as often, but she found her own definition of success.

Justin Bieber, he came into the industry really early as well. Most people hated him at first. He had an annoying girly voice (they said). He has topped the charts his ENTIRE career and even when he comes back and does something like go on stage at Coachella with Ariana Grande or feature on a song with Ed it’s huge. That’s just the person he is. However, during the Purpose era til now he had this big moment of I want to do what makes me happy. So he got married and does features here and there. Does he still cause the occasional trouble? Absolutely, but he had his moment. He has taken a break to get his actual life on track. Music isn't about the money or the numbers anymore he wants a family and to do what he loves with the people he loves. 

Now 5h that's tricky. This situation is completely out of pocket. I have to take it a part. This group was first of all not formed because they were all close friends who knew the others could sing. This was manufactured. They signed contracts and are wrapped up in stuff that would take a lot of words to explain and I just don't feel like it. I’ll mince the words up though. 

Camila and Lauren were always the ones who were seen as the success of the group. Basically the Beyonce and Kelly, if you will. Ally, Normani, and Dinah were theoretically being thrown to the dogs (tragic). Where the label Syco/Sony saw weakness they saw something else. Those three are now doing their own thing. Out of their contracts and making music they like. They didn’t have the big moment per say rather they couldn’t leave on their own, but they have the opportunity now. 

Lauren and Camila are a different story though. 

Most people know the rumors Camila maybe gay or bi idk her story but that's the guideline. Even the gp is picking up on that .... but I digress. 

Lauren was able to come out as Bi after being told in short terms, maybe lets hold off. Some people in her family even advised her against it. But here we are. Homegirl hasn’t popped on the charts yet. Don’t comment that she has because GP barely heard Expectations. RELAX. Its the truth.

My point is she is getting new management and MAYBE...... she will be able to find her definition of success with music she makes and has say in. She was labeled the more rebellious one of the group and it has already been interesting to watch her grow. She has a huge interest in politics and advocating for people who don’t have as a big a voice as hers. She uses her voice for good and I admire that a lot. This is one of her hopefully many steps to being the person she wants to be. 

Now Camila...... I don’t even know. I’m confused. She has a lot going on right now. There’s definitely honesty in her music and she seems genuine. Ed even talks about her in his interview. He said she is very sweet, talented, and genuinely a nice girl..... It throws me off. The narrative that her team gives her or really anyone who isn't able to be authentically themselves in the industry. It’s really crazy when you think about it like this. 

She just wants to make music. She’s honest about her life experiences in interviews. Yeah she doesn't say everything, but nobody would. She’s not chasing the fame I don't think. I think the people behind her are though. She really looks exhausted half the time she's on tour or promoting something. Don’t even get me started on the Shawn thing. 

If it was genuine I don't think they would be parading it around. Don’t come at me in the comments either with the “you don’t know her”. I am more than aware that I don't, however the things people say about her makes it seem as though she is a woman of her word (when they aren't written for her of course). So when she says she wants to keep her relationships private, if she can, I truly believe that. When she said that Shawn is like her brother, and talks about the kind of love she's had for him previously, it’s very hard for me and many others to believe this relationship is anything more than promotion. Her choice or not. 

I have nothing against them, if they are happy whatever, but the way Camila has acted in the past about things and the excitement and joy she has about basic things aren't the same excitement I’ve seen now. 

Her image is the only thing that is stopping her from having that big moment. Her music is honest, real, and raw. You can tell that by the way she talks about the lyrics she writes. And the experiences behind the songs. She obviously puts all of herself into it. I just hope that she and any of the other people who are in her situation get the chance to enjoy that space that Ed talks about. A space where she can be completely herself. 

I hope they find their version of success. 

[harianadimples]

A Timeline of Harry Styles & Ariana Grande [PART 1]

Here is a list of interactions between Harry and Ariana, and their friends and family, showing a timeline of their friendship from their first meeting until now. This is for the veteran stans who’ve been around since Day 1 and for the all the hariana stans who love their friendship and/or ship them!

2011

Sept 8: A fan tweets Ariana, telling her to check out “What Makes You Beautiful”, by One Direction. She retweets the tweet telling them that she will.

Oct 17: Ariana tweets about meeting One Direction for the first time.

Nov 11: Ariana tweets about meeting the boys in London.

2012

Jan 30: Ariana tweets about meeting the boys on the set of Nickelodeon show, iCarly. 

One Direction appeared in an episode of iCarly titled, “iGo One Direction” which aired on April 7, 2012. During this time, Ariana appeared as Cat Valentine on Victorious, another Nickelodeon show. iCarly and Victorious were filmed at the same studio, Nickelodeon on Sunset on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood.

Feb 12: Ariana talks about One Direction and meeting them in an article with Coup de main.

April 1: Ariana, Liz Gillies and Leon Thomas III sit down with Ana and Brad on the orange carpet at the 2012 Kids Choice Awards (KCAs). Brad asks the trio who they’re looking forward to seeing perform and One Direction is mentioned by Liz and Leon. Ariana smiles as she listens to Leon talk about the Victorious cast meeting 1D in London, praising their success. She then sings part of the chorus of “What Makes You Beautiful”.

July 27: Frankie posts a Keek video of him and Ariana watching the boys perform at the London Olympics opening ceremony. Keek was a social network service where users posted video status updates called ‘keek videos’. The platform no longer exists so the link no longer works, but here’s the link anyway as proof. 

Sept 1: Harry follows Ariana on Twitter. 

He was the first member of 1D to follow Ariana.

Oct 24: Jennette McCurdy, who played Sam Puckett on iCarly and subsequently on Sam & Cat (spin-off of iCarly and Victorious), tweets a comparison photo of her and Ariana, and Zayn and Harry. 

*recall the bit in “iGo One Direction” where Sam appears to be interested in Zayn and at the end of the episode, drags him into the elevator

Ariana retweeted Jennette’s tweet.

Nov 17-19: Ariana posts a series of tweets about the #SharpieHELLO One Direction event she hosted. The event was promo for the boy’s upcoming US-leg of their Take Me Home tour. Here’s an article about it.

→ tweet

→ tweet

→ tweet

Nov 18: Ariana hosts the #SharpieHELLO One Direction event. Article about it.

Ariana says Harry is her favourite member of One Direction in an interview at the Sharpie event.

Ariana sings “What Makes You Beautiful” with a fan.

Nov 19: Ariana talks about One Direction with Twist, saying “They’re all really, really sweet boys.” When asked who her favourite member is, she says, “Probably Harry. He’s a sweetheart. I got to know him when he came to film an episode of iCarly.”

This is a screenshot of the article which was tweeted by Twist Magazine. The link for the article no longer works because the online site for Twist Magazine now redirects to j-14. However, here is a tweet proving that Twist Magazine did interview Ariana about One Direction and asked her who her favourite member is.

Nov 20: Ariana tells Justine that her favourite One Direction song is “Little Things” (0:28)

Nov 21: Ariana is interviewed at the Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 premiere. She talks about her music and Victorious, and briefly talks about One Direction.

At (2:02) the interviewer asks Ariana, “When [she’s] in the car, what’s the one song [she] sings, like screaming at the top of [her] lungs.” Ariana’s response: “I love... I love- the new One Direction song is really fun. Live While We’re young is really fun.”

PART 2

[kehayesmj-blog]

Happiness and Celebrity Worship: So What’s the Problem?

Imagine being in the shoes of a world-famous pop culture icon. You’re sitting in the back seat of an expensive limousine as it comes to a halt, and your manager and bodyguards direct you towards a fancy building for a celebrity interview. Upon reaching the stage, you see everyone is listening carefully, anticipating a spark of inspiration. With the awareness that you are about to change a large percentage of the world’s disposition, you are ready to inform everyone of not only your life, but to change how they live theirs as well. You have a message to get across in this interview, so you stand up, clear your throat, and proudly proclaim that birds aren’t real.

This is a situation that has occurred numerous times over. The bird theory is interchangeable with any other outlandish claim or theory, but the concept is constant. Nearly thirty percent of people under the age of 30 would quit their jobs for fame alone and follow the lifestyles of celebrities in some form. Furthermore, do you know someone that has obsessed over or “stanned” a popular artist, possibly to the point of intimate attraction? It turns out that these two circumstances are rooted in the same mental ailment. If the issue seems familiar, it is because celebrity influence affects everyone, whether they want it to or not. This has some merits to it but can also harm large groups of people in various ways such as indoctrination and stalking. Many lives are affected in some way more than just culturally because of this. Perhaps your friend is adopting their favorite musical artist’s fashion sense, has social media accounts dedicated to their favorite actor, or even has pictures of them printed out to fit their aesthetic. All these tendencies are in some way a form of celebrity worship. Dr. Lynn McCutcheon of the North American Journal of Psychology separates celebrity fandom into “Entertainment Social Stage,” which defines more casual followers and people that simply seek entertainment on a non-serious level, and “Worshipper” which defines obsessive tendencies such as studying a person’s whereabouts, owning an unnecessarily large amount of keepsakes related to a popular person, or extreme sexual fixation. With further research conducted on mental health since the mainstream rise of celebrity obsession culture, a much more psychological case has appeared that defines and details every variant of celebrity worship. There have been cases of people led to harmful lifestyles simply because it was what their favorite movie star thought was beneficial, such as with Charlie Sheen’s and Jenny McCarthy’s fans believing in their conspiracy theories. Without awareness or recognition, this is a problem that could potentially mislead people at an even larger scale. With governments picking up on the relevance of certain celebrities, the case of celebrity worship is beginning to gain influence on the national level in some nations. In recent years, South Korea has made a statement and endorsement for their native pop stars under the condition that they abide by the nation’s values, directly affecting the opinions of fans worldwide. Whether a case of icon obsession is affecting a loved one’s mental health, radicalization, or personal economic decisions, celebrity fixation is a topic with many influential details. Obsession over celebrities and their values is an informational and important study for the good of modern mental health, and the importance of recognizing this is crucial to furthering personal fulfillment.

Misinformation and Radicalization

           People have been falling for the unusual ideologies followed by celebrities since celebrity culture’s shift to pop culture in the early 20th century. However, their ideas were not seen as widely until the late 20th century with pop culture becoming more experimental and expressive. While musical artists such as Elvis Presley, Mick Fleetwood, and Dave Mustaine were always known for some strange views, actors, hosts, and talk personalities usually kept their views to themselves with minimal exception. With social media’s rise, it is much easier to convince the public of things that would normally be seen as extreme or nonsensical. In 2006, Patricia Heaton convinced a group of followers to refuse and deny embryonic stem cell research. This view became such a hot topic because she had proposed to discontinue stem cell research, contraceptives, and pregnancy termination to a group that continues to believe and support these ideas to this day due to her prestige. Many groups focused on unsupported claims, extremism, and conspiracy theories have seen an increase in subscription because of how easy it has become to follow polarizing figures. Charlie Sheen has come out as a Truther and a conspiracy theorist, going as far as making a film with undertones of false information about the attack. Sheen claims: “There are still a couple of things just rooted in simple physics that beg some measure of inquiry. I was in contact with a lot of family members and they were in concert with a lot of my questions.” Jenny McCarthy has gone on record claiming that vaccines gave her child autism. Podcast host and researcher George Ouzounian has stated that “Celebrity worship is the reason we have anti-vaxxers,” attributing the entirety of the anti vax movement to the misinformation of celebrities. “We have people like Jenny McCarthy going on record saying vaccines gave her child autism and her fans just eat that up. Correlation must cause causation, right? She failed to control variables such as chemicals, clothes, plastic, known carcinogens, water, etc,” says Ouzounian in episode 29 of his podcast The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Another example of blindly following an affluent figure is Stan Culture. “Stan” culture is a popular form of celebrity fandom and worship in both the West and Eastern hemispheres. The western term is derived from an Eminem song titled Stan (short for Stalker-Fan) where the rapper goes in depth about the story of a fan that designs his lifestyle around the lyrics in Eminem’s music. He misinterprets the insane, violent nature of the rapper’s on-stage persona as a lifestyle that he actually lives, causing the fan to go insane and murder his girlfriend in reference to another of Eminem’s horror story type songs called “Kim”. The cautionary nature of the song Stan’s message ironically did not get across to the current generation of celebrity “Stans”, as they view the stalkerish nature of the Stan character from the song as something to look up to, just as Stan looked up to the character Eminem plays in some of his music. Stan Culture causes fans and obsessors to defend everything their idol does, even if it is misguided. “You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counseling. To help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some” says Eminem in the song “Stan” referring to the stalker fan needing medical and mental health attention. Further evidence of this can be found in a case of Ariana Grande not understanding many subjects of appropriation she had used in a music video led to her fans misleadingly defending her with no juxtaposition. Naijaeaux on Twitter says “All Arianna does is drop hits and mind her business, but y’all continue to critique and harass her.” This culture of “my idol can do no wrong” completely removes the subjective concept of art and halts many conceptual conversations that are important for analyzing music.

Stan writing to Eminem, https://twitter.com/mscaitlin55/status/846561100263034882

Stan culture goes even further, however, when focus is on more socially involved governments. Motoko Rich, foreign bureau chief for New York Times reported that North Korea requested eleven kpop acts to perform for their leader as a form of covert diplomacy. Meanwhile, nearly 40 million people claim themselves to be dedicated fans of the Korean pop music genre with feral hive-minded communities swarming every crevice of social media. The implications of North Korea’s propaganda system getting ahold of one of the world’s most flourishing genres would naturally scare almost anyone. Additionally, the People’s Republic of China, a nation currently known for brainwashing internment camps and suppressing many of what the West knows as inalienable freedoms, has recently seen quiet support from NBA personalities such as Adam Silver and LeBron James. After being asked to share thoughts on the topic multiple times, both personalities had refused to speak up on any of the Hong Kong protests in the past out of fear they would lose endorsements from China. When nations have access to beloved personalities that are generally looked highly upon, it becomes easier for them to accumulate supporters to justify their causes.

Kim Jong Un with South Korean group Red Velvet, https://www.npr.org/sections/therecord/2018/04/02/598812832/kim-jong-un-was-deeply-moved-after-k-pop-performance

Another case of the strange ideologies of popular figures being followed by a growing crowd is Terryology. A study by Dave Schilling, General editor at Grantland covers a firsthand interview between the author and actor Terrence Howard. Terrence Howard is proposing a new way of thinking and problem solving coined “Terryology,” that involves the idea that scientific and mathematical theories can be solved in a minimalistic form of analysis and still make sense. For example, the expression 1x1 having the number 1 stated twice means that there are two of them, and therefore equals 2 and not 1. Many fans of this ideology have begun converting their mathematics to Terryology despite the world still running on the normal mathematic system we have today. Some critics view this as a misinformed, dropout mathematics major turned movie star losing his mind in the fame that surrounds him. However, many news outlets and art enthusiasts view this as an expression of creative integrity that should be considered a legitimate theory. “In that piece, Mr. Howard explains a philosophy for life so powerful, so revolutionary, so magnificent, that most people who read about it were driven mad or had their heads swell up like the bad guy from Total Recall.” -Schilling

Mental Health

           Aside from altering people’s thoughts ideologically, celebrity obsession also has a strong effect on the mental health of people that follow celebrities. Professor and journalist Neil Peterson conducted a study in 2005 claiming that teenage girls tend to have lower self-confidence if they constantly follow celebrities online or in the media. Recently, another study of 437 Hungarian citizens found that people that considered themselves celebrity worshippers also tended to have higher levels of problematic internet use, maladaptive daydreaming, and desire to be famous. These individuals are led to not being as productive and not being in the mindset to make their lives better due to always looking up to someone that has no direct effect on their life. In conclusion, overall happiness and productivity are hindered by celebrity worship. In 2013, more cases of schizophrenia emerged with the leading cause being cultural icons. This may not have been the intention of the celebrities, but some fans of them with less than stable home and mental lives may find this to be a difficult and life halting struggle. In Hungary, internet addiction has been linked to obsession with popular figures for purposes such as envy of appearance and infatuation. Celebrity worship is prevalent among all people but is most present among teenage girls up to age 17. This is a time where most people are still discovering their identity as a person and will likely have a long-term effect on them for the rest of their lives. Due to the age range this disorder affects mostly, there is a higher potential for identity crises later in life. This early age of developing issues also has the largest margin of change to financial literacy and decision making. Adults that spent their adolescent years obsessing over famous people may not know that those people spend all their money carelessly due to their wealth and could cause others to pursue the same luxuries without an enormous bank account to fall back on. School of Psychology professor at the University of Leicester, John Maltby, says “Significant relationships were found between attitudes toward celebrities and body image only among female adolescents. Multiple regression analyses suggested that Intense‐personal celebrity worship accounted for unique variance in scores in body image.” In addition to mental health, celebrity obsession can also affect financial stability. Many communities near or below the poverty line struggle with addiction and abuse, and celebrity worship can be seen as a form of this. From a distance, obsessing over another person’s personal life doesn’t seem as bad as abusing substances, but they both have the same psychological dependence and reaction when consuming both contents.

Chairman ZeBron,  https://lushsux.bigcartel.com/

Diagnosis of Celebrity Worship Symptoms

           In addition to mental health, celebrity obsession can also affect financial stability. As Daniel Guilbert stated in The Science Behind the Smile, one way to determine happiness is to break it into statistics. Many communities near or below the poverty line struggle with addiction and abuse, and celebrity worship can be seen as a form of this. From a distance, obsessing over another person’s personal life doesn’t seem as bad as abusing substances, but they both have the same psychological dependence and reaction when consuming both contents. Robert A. Reeves from the Augusta State University Department of Psychology reports that “Celebrity worship, materialism, and compulsive buying were significantly related to lower self‐concept clarity and to lower levels of well‐being, supporting both absorption‐addiction and empty self-theories” -Celebrity Worship, Materialism, Compulsive Buying, and the Empty Self by Robert Reeves. Celebrity Worship Disorder has also proven to make mental health cases worse. This is proven by more reports by Reeves emerging in 2013 of worsening cases of schizophrenia due more to cultural icons than any other sources. The same study shows that this fixation on pop culture is mostly a coping mechanism for other symptoms including depression and ADHD. These coping methods are an incredibly unhealthy way of dealing with personal problems, as it does nothing to further the mental state of anyone involved. The subgroups of this diagnosis can more easily help find solutions if recognized.

           The first stage of rehabilitation is recognizing what the problem is, which is why groups of diagnoses are so valuable. Celebrity Worship syndrome is a registered mental and medical disorder that Gary Laderman groups into three categories: Simple Obsession (70-80% of cases- between individuals that have shared personal relationships with each other), Love Obsessional (stalking, convinced that they are in a relationship with the individual), and Erotomantic (less than 10%, believe that the celebrity is in love with them and sending subliminal messages to the person, and often a symptom of schizophrenia). All of which are diagnosable disorders that victims can seek therapy or rehabilitation for. George Ouzounian from The Biggest Problem in the Universe expands by connecting these examples to a shift in culture and the fact that youth are more commonly swayed based on culture and wealth (Episode 29 of the podcast).

John Maltby also acknowledged three ways that people can begin their celebrity obsession: celebrity products, personal characteristics of the celebrity, and peer influence. These are all cultural aspects that reflect how modern society is constructed to revolve around these people. “Thematic analysis revealed that 3 major factors influenced participants to become celebrity worshipers: celebrity products, personal characteristics of the celebrity, and peer influence.” -John Maltby, School of Psychology. HaengRyang Huh from Sejong University brings up digit ratios and their importance in finding out exactly who is most affected by mental obsessions. “The digit ratios for the entire sample were positively correlated with CAS scores. Our research found evidence of a significant positive correlation between 2D:4D ratios and celebrity worship in females but not in males, which indicated that females with lower digit ratios were less likely to worship celebrities” -HaengRyang Huh. The gender ratio of celebrity worship varies and affects the level of loyalty to an individual someone has. Additionally, depending on the year and trending names, the ratio fluctuates even more.

The most troubling element of this issue is the amount of lives taken by celebrity worship. Romeo Vitelli, Ph.D. reported on an international connection involving copycat suicides. In Japan, a trend arose when famous pop singer Yukiko Okada committed suicide in 1986. Since then, chain suicides in the country enacted by fan groups were referred to as Yukiko Syndrome. Romeo Vitelli claims the trend began in 1774 when Johann Goethe’s book The Sorrows of Young Werther led to an influx of suicides duplicating the main character of the story. Studies on the chain suicides revealed that nearly all of the participants had existing mental health problems throughout their lives. “In understanding why celebrity suicides can be contagious, social learning theory suggests that the example of a well-known celebrity committing suicide may make them into role models for vulnerable fans to imitate. Once suicide is seen as an acceptable behavior, people experiencing depression may be more likely to commit suicide as a result.” -Vitelli, 2016. Social learning theory can be drawn as the cause of many celebrity related actions, and it is important to consider that as a factor to why these individuals are followed.

Origins of Copycat Suicides, https://www.slideshare.net/gauravhtandon1/copycat-suicides-when-suicides-comes-in-clusters

           Parasitic Relationships

           Celebrity culture on a wide scale has undoubtedly led to many trends and movements, but how do people with this platform have the power to influence opinions? The answer is rooted in the personalities of each popular figure and how they are perceived. A stern person known for minimal emotion may not have the same public image as someone that is often affectionate to others. It is somewhat the matter of whether you would prefer Gordon Ramsay or Lady Gaga to be your grandparents. One option is short tempered and often hard to emote with, while the other appears more considerate and carries their heart on their sleeve for all to empathize with. If the audience sees a humble, welcoming celebrity, they will feel more at home watching or listening to them. Down to earth celebrities tend to have the highest influence on people’s values and thoughts. These relationships are occasionally very beneficial for both audience and performer, causing the rise of many positive movements. The positive appearance of the trend of following celebrities encourages more people to follow them. There are still a handful of beneficial traits that come with celebrity culture such as confidence, individuality, perseverance, and humility. Many cultural figures today have improved society in some form. Bill Gates has committed to a foundation called the Giving Pledge where he and other billionaires donate a majority of their income to new charities to bring notice and support for lesser known causes. Upon his first year as a charting artist, Chance the Rapper immediately started a tradition where he donates $1 million to schools in his hometown Chicago, as well as actively participating in Faith in Action. Elton John actively participates in and has created multiple foundations spreading awareness for sexually transmitted diseases and support for those who suffer from them. Conversely, some pop culture icons take the route of studying policies firsthand in an effort to connect more people with how society can be improved. The late Nipsey Hussle is another person well known for his charity work and had planned to meet with the Los Angeles police department to learn about and discuss alternative solutions to the gang violence he grew up with. All of these people have made positive changes to how people seek to improve their communities and have plenty of supporters participating in their causes.

Elton John speaking at the anniversary of the Aids Foundation, https://www.billboard.com/articles/news/8030099/elton-john-celebrates-25-years-of-aids-foundation

Although celebrities often have good intentions, their fans may not. This is once again attributed to the fact that celebrity worship is caused by the fan’s mental health situation. Even if a pop icon promotes a positive relationship between themselves and the fans, there could still be a dangerous obsession by the fan. Korea calls this relationship Sasaeng and is seen as normal for fans. Sasaeng are fans who will stalk and obsess over the most popular musical idols of the time, often resulting in devastation to the fan. Sasaeng, or fans, will also spend large amounts of money on traveling to meet their idols or buying excessive merchandise. Famous celebrities, as well as Stans, are often publicized without a clear image on whether their actions as obsessive fans are good or bad. Many people will find these statements, regardless of good or bad intention, as something to look up to and shape opinion based on. This is why fandoms for eastern pop groups have become so viral in the past decade. If being a feral fan is seen as a positive trait, more people will aspire to follow the trend. Due to so much attention being on these people in eastern countries, many of them are also required by contract to refrain from certain actions such as dating, stating opinions, or associating with certain people the labels and contractors have not approved. In Japan, a female member of a famous pop group, AKB47, was seen in public on a date with a boy and was later required by label officials to shave her head and apologize to both her fans and music group on camera. This strict image can sometimes even be too much for the celebrities to keep up with and reflect how strict and obsessive everyone involved is. Other people may feel entitled to forcing contact with famous people or may even feel they deserve special treatment from their idols. Furthermore, if an induvial has violent tendencies or disorders, celebrity obsession could amplify them. “On the periphery, however, resides a much smaller group of individuals who lack the ability to discriminate between their own private fantasies and the public figure’s behavior, believe they are entitled to pursue the figure, and may present a risk of violence.” -J. Reid Melloy, pg. 3 of Stalking, Threatening, and Attacking Public Figures : A Psychological and Behavioral Analysis.

As icon worship grows in popularity, it is important that ways to identify the trend grow with it. With so much stigma around the culture of celebrity worship, is it possible to support and follow a famous person without any of the burdens of mental health or misinformation? In simple terms, yes, as long as you’re able to educate yourself with more than one source and viewpoint. Knowing the positives and negatives of views and lifestyles is crucial to enlightenment. Therefore, it should be a priority to educate yourself from every angle on any type of new information you want to learn. This, along with prioritizing mental health will allow for a healthy experience following any public entertainer. Connecting happiness to life is mandatory for fulfillment and should never be compromised in favor of someone you’ve never met.

[1dreality]

Why The Normalization of Stan Culture is Unhealthy

How a tweet about Ariana Grande made me realize the extent of harm this subculture has done.

Haaniyah Angus

FollowJan 27

The way in which pop culture is consumed in the 2010s is unlike anything else we have witnessed since the dawn of pop culture itself. Social media has created a hyperreality wherein the distance between regular individuals and their idols is slowly shortening, or at least appearing to. This is most obviously seen within ‘stan Twitter’, a section of Twitter dedicated to celebrities even to the most harmful lengths.

I want to make myself clear here: I don’t hate stans or stan Twitter. Throughout my teenage years, I was part of this subculture in various ways, whether it be K-Pop, One Direction, Justin Bieber, 5SOS and — ironically enough — Ariana Grande. Through ‘standoms’ I was able to meet people and make friends in a way I couldn’t in real life. I felt as if I were part of a community, that I finally belonged. But, as I got older, I realized the obsession I had wasn’t healthy, and that’s why I worry about the direction that many young people seem to be heading in. Their dedication to strangers in order to boost their own self-esteem feels almost like a car crash ready to happen and, for some, it already has.

But, though this is undoubtedly a phenomenon of the social media era, in order to understand what stan Twitter is and its origin, we need to travel back to a time before Twitter even existed.

Currently, on Urban Dictionary, a stan is defined as an overzealous maniacal fan for any celebrity or athlete, stemming from Eminem’s 2002 hit, Stan. In the video, Stan wants Eminem to make contact with him but Eminem doesn’t reply to his letters and, due to this, Stan thinks he has been ignored. As revenge, Stan ties up his own girlfriend, stows her in his trunk, drives along a rain-soaked highway and drives off a bridge. Eminem gets around to responding and says how thankful he is for the support, only to understand that Stan is obsessed with him and then, finally, to connect the dots and realize that he’s the man who killed his girlfriend.

What many psychological professionals would describe this as is a parasocial relationship. This is not a made up disorder nor an armchair diagnosis, but simply the definition to a relationship many people have with famous figures. Parasocial relationships are one-sided dynamics in which energy, interest and time are extended towards the object of obsession whilst they (commonly a celebrity) remain ignorant of the existence of the other.

But, though critics and think piece writers often frame them as a symptom of young people’s generational rot, behaviours such as this are not new in the slightest. Before the boom of social media, obsessive fans had existed for a long, long time — such as during the Roman reign, where people collected gladiators’ sweat out of admiration; or the Victorian era, when hordes of fans forced author Arthur Conan Doyle to revive his star character, Sherlock Holmes. The Beatles had a superfan plotting to murder John Lennon, Michael Jackson had to prove that he didn’t impregnate a stalker, and Uma Thurman received a card from a fan that had a drawing of an open grave, a headstone and a man standing on the edge of a razor blade.

This is not an exclusively Western phenomenon either. In Korea, this type of idolatry exists heavily within the K-Pop industry. Sasaeng fans are over-obsessive fans of musical idols, to the point that they engage in stalking. According to Yahoo Lifestyle, Korean idols have been filmed, had their phones wiretapped, and even had fans breaking into their homes.

What makes this new era of ‘stalker fans’ different, in my opinion, is the admiration that seems to be growing towards such behaviours. Today, even as a joke, the terminology of ‘stalker fan’ or ‘stan’ has been the latest object of amelioration — where a word’s negative meaning is elevated to a positive one.

Last year when culture writer Wanna Thompson received a hateful DM from rapper Nicki Minaj and decided to share it, the following backlash shone a light for many in regards to this behaviour. Minaj clapped back at a comment Thompson had made on her Twitter account and Thompson brought it to her timeline, shocked that a celebrity of that magnitude could do such a thing. According to an interview with the New York Times, Wanna received hateful messages via Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and even email; including insults to her infant daughter and suicide bait. The majority of these hateful words came from stans, who seemed to have a soldier-like sense of duty to protect Minaj. It was as if they would do anything for their idol.

Though Wanna and Nicki’s beef was recent and particularly notorious, one could pick any of all the major stan groups and they’d find that they all exhibit this need to protect their idols from critique, even when it is valid. Which brings me to the point of this article.

We need to talk about Ariana Grande.

It was last week when Grande released her song ‘7 Rings’ and, as a longtime fan of the 25-year-old star, I was ecstatic. I loved the song and felt like she was finally blossoming into the artist she could always be. That was until it was rightfully pointed out to me that Ariana was walking along a tightrope that many young white pop stars toe — and often fall off of. Like many ex-child stars before her, Ariana was rebelling against her ‘good girl’ image by appropriating Black culture.

As stated by writer Erin Dyana:

Viewing her 7 Rings video after seeing her come up in real time throughout the years has left a bizarre taste in my mouth and I’m not sure if there’s anything that can cleanse my palate of it. The video has quite literally glamorized a trap house (something she wouldn’t know anything about) while she raps in an airy voice about buying weave, being rich, and having a “stacked” ass (a lie). These lyrics and visuals aren’t fitting and belong to a Black woman, period. It’s inauthentic and corny to me that she felt the need to cherry pick from Black culture to make something that’ll sell and get clicks.

As much as I love Grande, I couldn’t ignore this issue, which has plagued Black culture for years. The more I listened to 7 Rings, the more I understood why it made people, specifically Black women uncomfortable. While I wasn’t the most damning critic of Grande’s song, I immediately got pushback for suggesting that those who dislike it weren’t in the wrong. Historically white pop stars have been able to cross genres (pop to trap, in Grande’s case) while Black singers haven’t.

I was noticing that anytime someone dared speak about Grande, they were silenced by her fans and stans alike, even though some of the people criticizing Ariana might have disliked her already, or been indifferent to her, many of us truly loved her music. Though stan Twitter might have you thinking otherwise, critical consumption doesn’t negate enjoyment. I and many others are perfectly able to spot the problematic aspects of music, writing and film whilst still having fun with it. Critical thinking only makes our experience richer, and definitely doesn’t mean that we hate an artist for making mistakes.

The drama culminated when people noticed that Ariana herself was liking tweets defending 7 Rings, its music video and the genre choice. I find that, when celebrities try to defend themselves against valid critiques such as cultural appropriation, it does more harm than good. This self-victimization causes the stans to be even more defensive and thus lash out against anyone critiquing their idol. Grande seemingly felt attacked or felt that these critics — mainly Black women — were harassing her. Her fans didn’t just internalize those feelings as their own but, of course, felt the need to defend Ariana by attacking anyone who dared criticize her.

I probably wouldn’t be paying as much attention to this if I hadn’t been also a victim of the harassment her stans were dishing out online. What sparked it, you may ask! I had simply tweeted a ‘judgemental’ reaction image in response to Ariana’s Instagram story. In it, it seemed that someone had jokingly written in their Insta-story: You like my hair? Gee, thanks just bought it” *kissing emoji*!!!! white women talking about their weaves is how we’re going to solve racism. Grande then proceeded to repost that story, thanking the OP for praise, even though it was clearly a mockery of that line.

As I mentioned earlier, I’d already gotten pushback from Ariana’s stans, and I didn’t care if people got mad at me. I would have continued on not caring but, after that tweet started circulating, it got to a point where my direct messages started blowing up with fans threatening me and telling me to delete it or else. I didn’t pay them any mind since I felt that there was no reason to take their threats seriously. However, come the next morning I woke and saw that my Twitter account had been suspended. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I had been falsely reported by stans in order to get the tweet taken down.

You see, Twitter’s reporting system is beyond repair. Reports are evaluated by algorithms, making it ridiculously easy for abusive accounts to skirt suspension by misspelling slurs, and even easier for ill-intentioned people to ‘game’ the system by mass-reporting innocent users. I only got a tenth of the backlash that Thompson received from Minaj fans and yet my Twitter account, a platform on which I had built a following of 12,000 and which held contacts throughout various industries was gone. Not only that but, once I tweeted on my new account that I had been suspended unfairly, stans started to mock me and say that I deserved it for posting that tweet. A tweet that simply reacted to a foolish post of Grande’s — which, mind you, she acknowledged as such and took down.

But why do these things happen? Why do hordes of fans maliciously attack critics? Why do ‘stans’ behave in such an obsessive manner? Some say that social media is to blame and that isn’t a completely ludicrous view. As stated earlier, stans existed long before the age of the Internet, but the anonymity and the mass reach of social media allow their harassment and stalking to be extremely harmful while sheltering them from consequences. You can’t get a restraining order against an anonymous person who could use various accounts to stalk you. If stans are harassing those critiquing their favourite celebrity, blocks may prove futile, as they could make uncountable new accounts, and online harassment may continue until the aggressors get bored or the target finally gives in and deletes their account, whatever happens first.

I want to be positive when it comes to stans, I want to say hey! let these kids do what they want and oh, they’ll grow out of it, but I’m worried it may be too late. These stans have projected their own self-esteem issues and insecurities upon celebrities that make them feel whole. I know this because I did this, and many of my friends did this. Maybe obsessive fanaticism is an inescapable part of growing up, and maybe stans will come across this article and drag me for it. They will say that I’m being extra and that I just want clicks but — while I do want clicks, that’s why we’re all here, right? — I am genuinely worried. What was seen as fringe behaviour before — the invasion of privacy, obsessive fantasies, aggression and possessiveness, absolute disregard for others’ wellbeing — seems to be expected now in order to be “a true fan”. I’m worried that this has become the new norm for celebrity culture, and that the popularization of ‘standom’ has cemented this behaviour for years to come.

Edited By: Andrea Merodeadora

[aint-nodenying]

album talk

summary: y/n tlaks about her album, but she can’t help but talk about her boyfriend.

word count: 2,186

to request or ask me anything, ask here: x

requests are: open

and my masterlist is here: x

You waved to all of the camera crew, walking into the interview set and sitting on your designated chair. Placing your Starbucks tea onto the ground next to the chair, you smoothed out your skirt before jumping onto the tall chair. You played on your phone a little bit before hearing the door open, indicating someone coming into the room. You put your phone under your leg before smiling warmly at the stranger and standing to shake her hand.

“Hello, Y/N! I’m Amanda with E! News and I’m here to interview you today, how have you been?” the woman asked before turning her head to watch her footing to her chair. You smiled enthusiastically back before clapping happily.

“I’m so, so great today! How’re you doing? I’m Y/N L/N, nice to meet you.” the woman giggled nervously before tucking her hair behind her hair.

“I know who you are, I love your music so much. Your new album is so fantastic,” she breathed out. You blushed before slapping your hands onto your cheeks to cover the warmth. 

“You’re a right babe, aren’t you? Just here to make my cheeks burn off.” the cameraman cleared his throat, grabbing both of your attentions and gave the all-clear to begin the interview. You both adjusted yourselves one last time before starting.

“Hi there, I’m Amanda Hoffman here with Y/N L/N to talk about her new album, Snap Back. How are you doing today, Y/N?” you smiled before clasping your hands together to hang over your knees loosely.

“I’m doing so good, how are you?” you swung your legs back and forth, completely relaxed.

“I’m doing great, thank you. Anyways, your new album, Snap Back is a huge hit in forty-three countries, and at number one on Billboard Top 40’s, your new song, Bad Ideas. How do you feel?” you sucked in air through your teeth before nodding slowly.

“You know, it all feels a bit surreal. I mean in no way have I ever expected me to be this successful, especially with a song that I’ve had half-written for the past three years. But yeah, it feels great, I’m proud of me, my family is proud, all of the loved ones are just overjoyed, really.” Amanda gleamed with pride at your words and glanced down at her questions.

“Yes, obviously we know who it’s written about, and you said that it’s been written since 2016? Is that when-” you nodded interrupting her.

“Yeah, when I met Tom? Yeah, when I first starting seeing Tom - Tom Holland, by the way, for anyone who didn’t know - when I started seeing him romantically, hell even before then, I just knew that he was it for me so I just started writing. But I’ll admit, life did get a little chaotic, what with his new movies and with me helping other artists with their music, so I had to put the song aside for a while, but I just got into the groove again a couple of months again so I just finished it along with a couple of other songs.”

“Yes, so could you tell us about the other songs as well?” you nodded and leaned down to grasp your drink in your hands before rattling off the songs.

“Yeah, the first song is obviously Bad Ideas, it’s about me being so in love with my boyfriend that it might seem a bit disrespectful to others, it’s that disgusting. It‘s just a song really about all of my feelings towards him and how I just love him so much that I’d really do things that would embarrass me or him just to show him my feelings,” you take a sip out of your cup before placing it on your knee.

“The second song isn’t me singing, it’s actually my dear friend, Andrew John Hozier-Byrne, and it’s called To Noise Making - and in parentheses, Sing. I was backing him in vocals but I helped him write it. It’s just basically about how singing is just a safe place for us, about how it’s kind of medicine in our worst times, and how we encourage you, ‘hey, even if you can’t sing, it’s bound to make you feel better - just sing.’” Amanda nodded, leaning on her arm chair causing it to creak obnoxiously.

“And how was it to work with Hozier?” you shrugged, taking another sip of your drink, clearing your throat.

“I mean, I really love him, he’s one of my best friends and he thinks of lyrics so gracefully, and much different than how most artists come up with lyrics. It’s really amazing to see him work and to work with him.” you nodded before furrowing your brows and fluttering your lips.

“Let’s see, third song, third song. Oh, yes, my third song was also not completely mine - my main goal with this album was to showcase talent so of course most of my songs were collaborations with artists, only about three out of seven songs were totally and completely mine. The third song was written with my beautiful babies, Little Mix. We wrote Joan of Arc together, and it’s really just a kind of feminist song and really body-positive. Honestly, when we heard it in its final cut for the first time, I bawled like a baby. It makes anyone feel good about themselves and it made me proud to listen to them, they’re really independent ladies who know their worth. That’s really rare nowadays, what with media corrupting beauty standards for our youth.” Amanda nodded passionately, and with a furrow in her brow, she smacked her knee.

“Yes, when I listened to that song, obviously it’s exciting and loud, but the lyrics just really make anyone feel like a powerful woman.” you nodded and waved your arms toward her as if to prove a point.

“Exactly, see that’s what we were aiming for. Anyways, the next song is a cover of the Elton John song, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart with the one and only, Taron Egerton. Obviously, it was for the movie Rocketman - which by the way, if you haven’t watched it, have you been living under a rock?” you directed towards the camera. “But let me just say that Tom and I have an apartment in London and in it I have a home studio. All of my collaborations were created in my apartment and honestly, Taron Egerton is the wildest man I have ever had the pleasure of being around. I love the man and he is a gift to this world. Also, the cover was for a movie, but I dedicate it to my boyfriend because I’m a sap and I love him.”

Amanda laughed before glancing back down at her notes. “And the last two songs?”

You nodded sagely, flipping your foot and resting it once more. “Ah yes, my heartbreak song. My one, Lie To Me, is about an old flame that I had a while ago, who cheated on me. Obviously, it was sad and I haven’t thought about it in a long time since I’ve been happy in a relationship, but I don’t think an album is complete without a variety of songs. So I had to dig up some old memories to make a bomb-ass song. 

And my last one is called Hey Look Ma, I Made It. It’s a song about my success in the music industry, and it’s just kind of a childish pride where you’re really proud of something you made so you immediately brag to your mum, and that’s what I wrote a song about. Although, if you listen to the lyrics, it shows a lot of phrases that suit a much older person, especially since I’m a twenty-three-year-old, but that’s because my dear friend Brenden Urie helped me with a few lyrics.” Amanda smiled happily and shuffled her cards. 

“Obviously, you had a busy year, but you work fast. You’ve been writing your album, but you also helped a ton of other artists write their songs as well, is that correct?” you nodded. “Could you name a few?”

Your eyebrows raised and you let out a hefty sigh. “Just this year?” you asked her. She nodded and you shrugged softly. “I mean, I helped a lot with Ariana Grande’s Sweetener album, I helped with some of Machine Gun Kelly’s music, some of Shawn Mendes, Some of Hozier, I’ve helped with quite a few, but songs that I’ve written for artists might be ones that the public may recognize. I wrote successful, sweetener, and R.E.M off of Ariana’s album, I wrote bad guy for Billie Eilish, Short Kings Anthem for blackbear and Cody and Noel - that was incredibly fun. Just to name a few.”

Amanda hissed as well, raising her eyebrows. “Well, you’ve certainly had a busy couple of years. I know that we’re running out of time, and I know that this is about your album, but can we talk about you and Tom Holland?” You sighed out of relief.

“Oh god, yes. You don’t know how many times a day I want to explode talking about him.” Amanda giggled, waving her arms.

“So you’ve been dating for three years,” you nod in response. “How is it still waking up to him every day?” you sigh sadly before uncrossing your legs to cross it the opposite way.

“Yeah, recently he’s been filming so I haven’t seen as much of him as I want to - although he’s here with me today - every day I see him, my heart still beats faster and I still get butterflies in my stomach, same as when we first kissed.” Amanda’s eyes widened and she slapped her hands onto her chair arms.

“Wait, Tom is here right now?” you nod and point towards the door.

“Yeah, he’s hiding outside. Do you want me to bring him in here?” Amanda nods savagely and you pull your phone from under your leg to text him to come into the room.

Minutes later, Tom enters the room in a baseball cap and a t-shirt. He walks towards you looking at his phone, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. You lean up to kiss his cheek and wrap your arms around his middle.

“Hello, handsome. Find your way here alright?” He nodded, looking up from his phone for a minute to smirk at you and to press a quick peck to your lips. Amanda squealed in excitement and stuck out her hand.

“Hello, I’m Amanda, nice to meet you, I love you guys.” Tom smiles and takes her hand, shaking it gently.

“Hello, I’m Tom, it’s good to hear that,” he looks back at you. “Why am I here? Are we going to be spilling tea about our relationship? I hate her everyone, she makes my life a living hell. She refuses to do her laundry!” he yells into your mic that you’re hooked onto. You shake your head and smack his lightly.

“No, you div. We’re here to talk about how happy we are, so make it look like we’re happy. Besides. I may not do laundry but you don’t do the fucking dishes, so fuck off.” he giggles and wraps his other arm around your chest so he could hug you properly. You roll your eyes and allow your arms to go limp. Amanda claps her hands with glee but then pouts afterward.

“Unfortunately, my time here is finished so everyone, go listen to Snap Back, and go watch Avengers: Endgame in theatres! Again, this is Amanda Hoffman, and you’ve been watching with E! News.” She looked away from the camera and looked at you guys with a smile.

“It was a pleasure talking with you, Amanda. Unfortunately, I’ve gotta cut this interaction short so this man-child can go play FIFA with his friends and brothers.” Amanda shook her head frantically and waved her hands as if waving away a fly.

“Not a problem at all, Y/N. It was a real privilege to speak with you.” You glare at her and smack the air.

“Pish posh, don’t speak like I’m the Queen. It’s no privilege to talk to me no more than it is to talk to you,” you look away from here to look at the camera crew. “Anyways, thank you guys so much for what you do, I hope you all have a nice day.” 

You and Tom walk away to the hotel lobby to meet with Harrison and Harry, intertwined hands swinging back and forth between you.

“I heard how you talked about me in there. Are you going to apologize for being so disrespectful?” you shrug and smile slyly at him.

“Not really. What are you gonna do about it?” you ask him as you both slip into the elevator. He smirks and pulls you forcefully into him, one hand on your lower back and the other pulling on the hair at the nape of your neck to pull your head back. He trailed his nock along your throat, placing soft kisses on your collarbones.

“Don’t sass me, baby. Little girls who tease their daddies get in trouble.”

[bbclesmis]

Lily Collins Gets Candid: GLAMOUR’s December cover star on Les Misérables and success on HER terms

2018 was the year of fearless female performances but THE TV Christmas blockbuster, Les Misérables, saves the best for last with Lily Collins’ star turn as Fantine. Here she navigates the minefield of millennial dating, -13°C locations and a late-twenties crisis with GLAMOUR’S Josh Newis-Smith.

“I’ve been ghosted more times than I care to admit,” Lily confesses, as we discuss the minefield that is millennial dating. Adorned in a slouchy black hoodie with her hair scraped back into a care-free ponytail and barely a lick of make-up, Lily could be any twenty-something in debrief mode.

In fact, the only indication that this is a Golden Globe nominee who since starting to act at the age of two, has carved a place for herself as a go-to starlet – in such varied roles in Rules Don’t Apply, Mirror Mirror and Love, Rosie- is the vast Hollywood home that plays backdrop to our interview and her GLAMOUR cover shoot.

About to hit our screens in her career-defining role as Fantine, who is dumped unceremoniously by her lover - Victorian ghosting if you will - and left to fend for her child alone, we are musing on how, just like the iconic character, Lily has navigated her own fair share of heart ache. “There are times when I’ve [been on dates and] thought we had a great time and then I’ve never heard from the guy again,” she continues. With this level of ‘gal pal’ magnetism it’s no wonder she has garnered 11 million Instagram followers, and counting. “Sometimes that happens after one date, a couple of dates or one month. I would prefer people to be honest with me, as I live like that. I don’t think it will be something I can ever figure out. The good thing is that we all have the same issues.” Alexa, play Thank U, Next by Ariana Grande...

Both 29 years old, we quickly bond over that late-twenties crisis, too. “Everyone in their late twenties goes through it a bit, because we’re heading to the big 3-0,” she reassures me. “But I think I had a quarter-life crisis at 25 where I kept asking, ‘Am I at where I wish to be at?’ I never really set out as a kid with markers of when I want to get married or have kids. But I got to the age where you constantly compare yourself to your friends or other people in your industry.”

It’s this level of realism that makes her performance as the ultimate fallen female, Fantine, so damn relatable, despite the fact it was shot in inconceivable sub-zero conditions in Brussels over a grueling five-month period. One scene, in the opening episode, sees a thoroughly modern-feeling Fantine squatting in the bushes alongside her wing women, discussing the gents on offer. “When our director, Tom (Shankland) was describing it as, ‘You are going to be squatting, having a chat,’ I thought, ‘Well, I can’t say I haven’t done that,’” Lily laughs. “People have been doing this for centuries – that camaraderie between women and men going to the bathroom and having chats, where it’s all about the subtext and the looks.”  

Alas, poor Fantine didn’t have a rival nightclub to the local tavern, or Tinder, in her weaponry to help find a knight in shining armour to rescue her from her inevitable fall. Swiping right isn’t something that interests Lily, either. “I’ve never tried a dating app,” she exclaims with her trademark eyebrows alive with energy. “Lots of my friends have, but it’s just that I don’t know how I would. LA is very much where I spent most of my time growing up, so I know the places I am not going to go to meet somebody and I also realise that when you’re not looking, you find it.”

Lily is grounded, which is no mean feat given that she grew up surrounded by fame as the daughter of the Easy Lover hitmaker, Phil Collins. There’s no name-checking of famous faces, only her closest pals, a pool of Californian friends from Harvard-Westlake School who have enabled her to achieve that much-lauded term: balance. She has worked hard to have her Destiny’s Child ‘Independent Woman’ moment.

“Growing up I never wanted that to be a part of my story,” Lily confides. “Obviously I’m super-proud of my dad; I love my dad, I’m grateful for all the things I’ve learned, but it’s also something I wanted to define as my own. I always wanted to do it myself and for myself. There are so many people who want to do what I do, a name is not going to get you a job, and it shouldn’t. I can look back and be so proud I did it on my own. People assume it’s a lot easier when you have that name, but if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t want to use it, it’s a lot harder.”

Part of Lily taking control of her own narrative involved her penning her memoir, Unfiltered: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me just under two years ago, something that she regards as the “most cathartic, therapeutic experience, in a way I didn’t anticipate”. In the emotional read, Lily confesses to hacking away at those eyebrows to fit in with the skinny-browed girls at school, details an unnamed emotionally abusive relationship, discusses a long and winding journey with eating disorders, and contains an open letter, forgiving her father, “for not always being there,” during her childhood after moving from Surrey to LA with her mother, Jill Tavelman following her parents’ divorce. For an industry in which personal lives are hidden by a velvet curtain, it was beyond brave.

Reminiscing, Lily details how the book’s direction took an unexpected turn, “I realised I was carrying so much baggage that, when it came to work, I couldn’t take on the baggage of my character. I felt a bit like a fraud to myself if I didn’t unleash – or at least get off my chest – these things, to move on and go into the next phase of my life. In life, when you dig the deepest and talk about the most uncomfortable things, that’s the time you’ll connect with most people because that’s when you’re being the ‘realest’. The hardest things to talk about will always be the most relatable, because no one wants to show them; they’re awkward.”

Used to shedding excess baggage, Lily had to leave everything at the French border to play what is set to become a career-defining role as Fantine. As she proudly scrolls through her phone to show her transformation from debutante darling to shaven-haired dishevelled wench, her enthusiasm is as big as her brows as she details the most testing part of taking on this role. “The material, the location, the temperature,” she admits were the biggest challenges. But it’s clear she relished getting gritty. “It was so perfect, but at one point it was -13°C in Brussels. It was mental preparation of not just understanding the psychology of what she’s going through, but also the gruelling shooting experience that we were all in. Dressed in little material towards the end, it was about pushing through mentally. Obviously, I saw the end in sight. I dive in 110%. If I’m freezing, tired and bruised from shooting, I lean into that with the character.”

In a year where toxic masculinity has led to outpourings of female empowerment, it seems an ideal time to revisit the treatment of this infamous female character; something that isn’t lost on Lily. “When she falls, she falls so hard. But she’s willing to stay down there if it means providing for her child. It’s very poignant over what’s happening in today’s world. When we’re at our lowest, we still have our sense of self and are willing to fight back and use our voice. That really resonated with me.”

How does she feel in the wake of the year where Hollywood finally got woke on the abuse of power? “It’s great to see the camaraderie that’s come from it. Women coming forward with these issues are being embraced. Whether it’s in the pay gap or having more female directors, writers, and making sure there are just as many women and men on movie sets – hopefully one day this won’t even have to be a conversation. That’s my hope that we won’t have to say, ‘’I’m so glad you’re hired because you’re a female. It should be that you are known for your skill level… Right now, it’s fantastic, but it shouldn’t be why a woman is defined as amazing.”

As a result, Lily is feeling more empowered than ever before. “Yeah, I am, 100%,” she says. “I’ve realised that I can’t control what other people think of what I have to say, but I can control how I say it and where it’s coming from. So many women have come out and spoken about things that people would have assumed would have been the end of them. Now it is embraced for us to speak out. I’m attracted so strongly to people who are brave and outspoken and very much themselves, so I thought, ‘Why can’t I be that?’ It takes practice and I’m not fully there yet, but I’m doing my best to take those steps.”

This self-crafted confidence is exactly why Lily was attracted to the challenge of creating and directing her own GLAMOUR shoot, shot on a mobile phone during a fitting with super-stylists Rob Zangardi and Mariel Haenn. “I love expressing different sides of myself,” she exclaims, referencing her Giambattista Valli gown she wore for her cover. “It’s a process that allows me to constantly surprise myself, rediscover and push myself in ways I wouldn’t have felt comfortable with a couple of years ago.” One thing is for certain, you shouldn’t underestimate this ultimate Hollywood ‘doer’; she curled her own hair and specifically asked for the pictures not to be retouched, too.

Away from Hollywood and couture, Lily will be living her best Cameron Diaz lyf circa The Holiday this Christmas. “It’s my time to switch off from my job, sleep in and be British – I love holing myself away where no one can bother me. I love being in the countryside, outside London, with my mum. We get our tree, we have decorations from when I’m younger. We cook. We have fires and watch old movies,” Lily shares in a manner of an over-excited elf.

It’s safe to say the Christmas cracker that will really bring a bang to your festivities is Lily Collins in Les Misérables. Plus, dear wise men and women, this star with her rare empowering gifts is well worth following, far and wide.

Les Misérables will start on the BBC on 30th December. (x)

[lilycollinsnews]

Lily Collins Gets Candid: GLAMOUR’s December cover star on Les Misérables and success on HER terms

2018 was the year of fearless female performances but THE TV Christmas blockbuster, Les Misérables, saves the best for last with Lily Collins’ star turn as Fantine. Here she navigates the minefield of millennial dating, -13°C locations and a late-twenties crisis with GLAMOUR’S Josh Newis-Smith.

“I’ve been ghosted more times than I care to admit,” Lily confesses, as we discuss the minefield that is millennial dating. Adorned in a slouchy black hoodie with her hair scraped back into a care-free ponytail and barely a lick of make-up, Lily could be any twenty-something in debrief mode.

In fact, the only indication that this is a Golden Globe nominee who since starting to act at the age of two, has carved a place for herself as a go-to starlet in such varied roles in Rules Don’t Apply, Mirror Mirror and Love, Rosie- is the vast Hollywood home that plays backdrop to our interview and her GLAMOUR cover shoot.

I’ve been ghosted more times than I care to admit… I would prefer people to be honest with me, as I live like that. I don’t think it will be something I can ever figure out. The good thing is that we all have the same issues 

ON DATING

About to hit our screens in her career-defining role as Fantine, who is dumped unceremoniously by her lover - Victorian ghosting if you will - and left to fend for her child alone, we are musing on how, just like the iconic character, Lily has navigated her own fair share of heart ache. 

“There are times when I’ve [been on dates and] thought we had a great time and then I’ve never heard from the guy again,” she continues. With this level of ‘gal pal’ magnetism it’s no wonder she has garnered 11 million Instagram followers, and counting. “Sometimes that happens after one date, a couple of dates or one month. I would prefer people to be honest with me, as I live like that. I don’t think it will be something I can ever figure out. The good thing is that we all have the same issues.” Alexa, play Thank U, Next by Ariana Grande...

Both 29 years old, we quickly bond over that late-twenties crisis, too. “Everyone in their late twenties goes through it a bit, because we’re heading to the big 3-0,” she reassures me. 

“But I think I had a quarter-life crisis at 25 where I kept asking, ‘Am I at where I wish to be at?’ I never really set out as a kid with markers of when I want to get married or have kids. But I got to the age where you constantly compare yourself to your friends or other people in your industry.”

It’s this level of realism that makes her performance as the ultimate fallen female, Fantine, so damn relatable, despite the fact it was shot in inconceivable sub-zero conditions in Brussels over a grueling five-month period. One scene, in the opening episode, sees a thoroughly modern-feeling Fantine squatting in the bushes alongside her wing women, discussing the gents on offer. 

“When our director, Tom (Shankland) was describing it as, ‘You are going to be squatting, having a chat,’ I thought, ‘Well, I can’t say I haven’t done that,’” Lily laughs. “People have been doing this for centuries – that camaraderie between women and men going to the bathroom and having chats, where it’s all about the subtext and the looks.”

Growing up I never wanted that to be a part of my story… People assume it’s a lot easier when you have that name, but if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t want to use it, it’s a lot harder.

ON HER FAMOUS SURNAME

Alas, poor Fantine didn’t have a rival nightclub to the local tavern, or Tinder, in her weaponry to help find a knight in shining armour to rescue her from her inevitable fall. Swiping right isn’t something that interests Lily, either. “I’ve never tried a dating app,” she exclaims with her trademark eyebrows alive with energy. “Lots of my friends have, but it’s just that I don’t know how I would. LA is very much where I spent most of my time growing up, so I know the places I am not going to go to meet somebody and I also realise that when you’re not looking, you find it.”

Lily is grounded, which is no mean feat given that she grew up surrounded by fame as the daughter of the Easy Lover hitmaker, Phil Collins. There’s no name-checking of famous faces, only her closest pals, a pool of Californian friends from Harvard-Westlake School who have enabled her to achieve that much-lauded term: balance. She has worked hard to have her Destiny’s Child ‘Independent Woman’ moment.

Why we've got such a style crush on Lily Collins

LILY COLLINS

Why we've got such a style crush on Lily Collins

“Growing up I never wanted that to be a part of my story,” Lily confides. “Obviously I’m super-proud of my dad; I love my dad, I’m grateful for all the things I’ve learned, but it’s also something I wanted to define as my own. I always wanted to do it myself and for myself. There are so many people who want to do what I do, a name is not going to get you a job, and it shouldn’t. I can look back and be so proud I did it on my own. People assume it’s a lot easier when you have that name, but if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t want to use it, it’s a lot harder.”

When you dig the deepest and talk about the most uncomfortable things, that’s the time you’ll connect with most people because that’s when you’re being the ‘realest’. The hardest things to talk about will always be the most relatable because no one wants to show them; they’re awkward.

ON SHARING HER PERSONAL STRUGGLES

Part of Lily taking control of her own narrative involved her penning her memoir, Unfiltered: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Mejust under two years ago, something that she regards as the “most cathartic, therapeutic experience, in a way I didn’t anticipate”. In the emotional read, Lily confesses to hacking away at those eyebrows to fit in with the skinny-browed girls at school, details an unnamed emotionally abusive relationship, discusses a long and winding journey with eating disorders, and contains an open letter, forgiving her father, “for not always being there,” during her childhood after moving from Surrey to LA with her mother, Jill Tavelman following her parents’ divorce. For an industry in which personal lives are hidden by a velvet curtain, it was beyond brave.

Reminiscing, Lily details how the book’s direction took an unexpected turn, “I realised I was carrying so much baggage that, when it came to work, I couldn’t take on the baggage of my character. I felt a bit like a fraud to myself if I didn’t unleash – or at least get off my chest – these things, to move on and go into the next phase of my life. In life, when you dig the deepest and talk about the most uncomfortable things, that’s the time you’ll connect with most people because that’s when you’re being the ‘realest’. The hardest things to talk about will always be the most relatable, because no one wants to show them; they’re awkward.”

At one point it was -13°C in Austria… dressed in little material towards the end, it was about pushing through mentally. I dive in 110%. If I’m freezing, tired and bruised from shooting, I lean into that with the character.

ON PLAYING FANTINE

Used to shedding excess baggage, Lily had to leave everything at the French border to play what is set to become a career-defining role as Fantine. As she proudly scrolls through her phone to show her transformation from debutante darling to shaven-haired dishevelled wench, her enthusiasm is as big as her brows as she details the most testing part of taking on this role. “The material, the location, the temperature,” she admits were the biggest challenges. But it’s clear she relished getting gritty. “It was so perfect, but at one point it was -13°C in Brussels. It was mental preparation of not just understanding the psychology of what she’s going through, but also the gruelling shooting experience that we were all in. Dressed in little material towards the end, it was about pushing through mentally. Obviously, I saw the end in sight. I dive in 110%. If I’m freezing, tired and bruised from shooting, I lean into that with the character.”

In a year where toxic masculinity has led to outpourings of female empowerment, it seems an ideal time to revisit the treatment of this infamous female character; something that isn’t lost on Lily. “When she falls, she falls so hard. But she’s willing to stay down there if it means providing for her child. It’s very poignant over what’s happening in today’s world. When we’re at our lowest, we still have our sense of self and are willing to fight back and use our voice. That really resonated with me.”

I’m attracted so strongly to people who are brave and outspoken and very much themselves, so I thought, ‘Why can’t I be that?’ It takes practice and I’m not fully there yet, but I’m doing my best to take those steps.ON 2018’S CRUSADERS

How does she feel in the wake of the year where Hollywood finally got woke on the abuse of power? “It’s great to see the camaraderie that’s come from it. Women coming forward with these issues are being embraced. Whether it’s in the pay gap or having more female directors, writers, and making sure there are just as many women and men on movie sets – hopefully one day this won’t even have to be a conversation. That’s my hope that we won’t have to say, ‘’I’m so glad you’re hired because you’re a female. It should be that you are known for your skill level… Right now, it’s fantastic, but it shouldn’t be why a woman is defined as amazing.”

As a result, Lily is feeling more empowered than ever before. “Yeah, I am, 100%,” she says. “I’ve realised that I can’t control what other people think of what I have to say, but I can control how I say it and where it’s coming from. So many women have come out and spoken about things that people would have assumed would have been the end of them. Now it is embraced for us to speak out. I’m attracted so strongly to people who are brave and outspoken and very much themselves, so I thought, ‘Why can’t I be that?’ It takes practice and I’m not fully there yet, but I’m doing my best to take those steps.”

This self-crafted confidence is exactly why Lily was attracted to the challenge of creating and directing her own GLAMOUR shoot, shot on a mobile phone during a fitting with super-stylists Rob Zangardi and Mariel Haenn. “I love expressing different sides of myself,” she exclaims, referencing her Giambattista Valli gown she wore for her cover. “It’s a process that allows me to constantly surprise myself, rediscover and push myself in ways I wouldn’t have felt comfortable with a couple of years ago.” One thing is for certain, you shouldn’t underestimate this ultimate Hollywood ‘doer’; she curled her own hair and specifically asked for the pictures not to be retouched, too.

That’s my hope that we won’t have to say, ‘’I’m so glad you’re hired because you’re a female. It should be that you are known for your skill level… Right now, it’s fantastic, but it shouldn’t be why a woman is defined as amazing. 

ON HOPES FOR FUTURE FEMALES

Away from Hollywood and couture, Lily will be living her best Cameron Diaz lyf circa The Holiday this Christmas. “It’s my time to switch off from my job, sleep in and be British – I love holing myself away where no one can bother me. I love being in the countryside, outside London, with my mum. We get our tree, we have decorations from when I’m younger. We cook. We have fires and watch old movies,” Lily shares in a manner of an over-excited elf.

It’s safe to say the Christmas cracker that will really bring a bang to your festivities is Lily Collins in Les Misérables. Plus, dear wise men and women, this star with her rare empowering gifts is well worth following, far and wide.

Les Misérables will start on the BBC on 30th December.

[toogoodmusic]

THE TOO GOOD TEN with OLIVIA KING

Up-and-coming pop/soul artist Olivia King is the complete package - singer, songwriter and entrepreneur. Since her first official release in 2017 the Rhode Island born singer has racked up over 5 million streams on Spotify alone, has received placement on Spotify’s convented New Music Friday, been placed in campaign for Netflix’s Stranger Things, made the cover image of Tidal’s Rising: Pop placement, has started two businesses and so much more - and the exciting thing is that she’s just getting started! Never slowing down, her latest release - “Number 1″ marks her 8th release of 2021 alone and she’s already promising more music to come. Lucky for Too Good Music, King took some time out of her current world takeover to take on the latest Too Good Ten. Learn more about this straight-up boss, her latest single, what her experience on The Voice was like, the story behind her self-proclaimed title of “your friendly singing cat lady” and so much more. Full interview below:

The Too Good Ten. Ten Questions. One Artist. Too Good. Let’s go.

1. Let’s start from the beginning – what was it about music that you were so drawn to? When did you decide that you wanted to make a career out of it? 

OLIVIA KING: I was always drawn to music as a kid. Constantly singing and putting on shows for my family! My freshman year of college was when I realized that I could make this into a career if I put my mind to it.

2. You started writing your own music at age 17 – do you remember the first song you wrote? What was the most surprising thing to learn about songwriting? 

OK: I honestly don’t remember the first ever song I wrote but the first official song I co-wrote and released was called “In My Head.” I always had a love for songwriting but got really confident with it by the end of college. Songwriting really is about doing it over and over. You really need to write 100 songs to get even 1 that has potential to be a “hit.”

3. At age 19 you auditioned for “The Voice” and made it through two rounds. What was that experience like? Looking back, is there anything you’ve changed about your audition or song selection? 

OK: It was a pretty cool experience. I’m not sure I would do it again but was definitely a fun time! Looking back, I would have really made my song choice super different and put my own spin on a super popular song while also focusing on making my “look” a little more unique!

4. Congrats on the recent release of “Number 1!” What’s the inspiration behind the song? What’s your favorite lyric(s) in the song? 

OK: I very rarely write about my current relationship. I’ve been in a healthy relationship for going on 9 years now and thought it was time to give credit where credit is due, ha! In past relationships, I never felt like a priority but in my current relationship with my now fiancé, he has ALWAYS made me feel like his first priority and I can’t tell you how awesome that feels. So this one is a little ode to him, always making me feel like “Number 1!”

5. In celebration of your song “Number 1” let’s see your number 1 pick (or favorite) for each category below:

a. Celebrity Crush: Chris Brown b. Ice Cream Flavor: Mint Chocolate Chip c. Drink At The Bar: Water with lemon (ha-ha, I don’t drink!) d. Vacation Spot: Disney e. Animal You Wish You Could Have As A Pet: Monkey f. Piece Of Advice You’ve Gotten: “If someone tells you ‘no,’ ask someone else.” - My Grandfather g. Song You Wish You Would’ve Written:  “Here” - Alessia Cara h. Favorite Part of Your Hometown: Living close to the ocean! i. Thing To Do When You’re Not Working: Thrift shopping!

6. As an artist and growing up with social media, how do you balance the obligation as an artist to constantly post while not letting it affect your mental health? Anything you’d like to see change about social media in the future? 

OK: Honestly, I post when and what I want to post. I do feel a bit of pressure to stay consistent because there is a direct correlation to how often I post and how successful my career is. I’ve learned to love it and see the positives in it instead of looking at it as a bad thing. It’s important for my mental health to only follow people who post things that make me feel happy or confident or entertained! If someone is posting something that doesn’t serve me, I unfollow. Simple! The one thing I’d love to change about social media is Instagram to go back to chronological order instead of them choosing what we want to see. If I follow someone, I WANT TO SEE THEIR POSTS! LOL!

7. You describe yourself in your IG bio as “Your Friendly Singing Cat Lady” – how did you gain that title? In a world where money and space wasn’t an issue – what would be your ideal number of cats to own? 

OK: OMG HAHA!!! Probably would like just 1 or 2 more! Probably two boys to balance out the two girls I have lol. That title is definitely self-proclaimed ha-ha! I just want people to know off the bat, that my account shouldn’t be taken too seriously. I will answer just about everyone’s (nice) dm’s and want people to know that we can be friends! I don’t want to be seen as this unreachable artist. I love connecting with my supporters through social media!

8. In addition to being an artist you also are the CEO of Make Music Moves – an online course aimed at helping independent artists find major success. What was the inspiration to start this company and pursue this awesome mission? What has been the most popular course so far? 

OK: MMM has been put on the back burner for the past year or so as other things have just taken the spotlight! I’m hoping to resurface it soon. I created this course so that I could directly help and lead other artists to success as I never had a mentor in the business. Recently, I’ve focused my efforts on my own music career and have really grown my Influencer Marketing Agency, A-List Me with my fiancé. We are hoping to intertwine this with music soon and can’t wait to show people what we have up our sleeve!

9. If you could only listen to (5) artists for the rest of your life, who would they be?

Frank Sinatra

Ariana Grande

J. Cole

Lauryn Hill

Beyonce

10. What’s the rest of 2021 look like for Olivia King? 

OK: A LOT OF MUSIC! I’ve made it a point this year, to release as much music as humanly possible lol!

Shout-out and thank you to the talented Olivia King for joining the latest Too Good Ten! Be sure to follow along to keep updated with all that upcoming music by checking out the links below:

Facebook

Instagram

TikTok

Website

YouTube

[bangtanfanfiction]

Secret relationship || 02

PREVIOUS PART

♢ Pairing: Jungkook x Celeb!Reader

♢ Word count: 4.7 k

♢ Genre: Fluff, angst 

   ⌲ Description: Not only is Y/N a famous singer in America, up in the ranks with people like Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande. But she’s also dating a k-pop idol…in secret.

Y/N let out a sigh from where she was lounging on the couch in her apartment. The remote in her hand was pointed at the plasma tv, as she flicked through the channels without any thought. She finally decided to stop on a rerun from a Game of Thrones episode that aired last year, and absently paid attention to the plot. Despite knowing everything that would happen already.

It’s been three days since the Billboard music awards, and two days since her interaction with BTS had blown up on social media. The issue was still a big thing going on at the very moment, but luckily it didn’t get any more extreme than that. So for now, there was still no need to drag in both of their companies to calm the storm. From what she had seen, the fans were continuing to try and come up with different theories on how they had met before and the possibility of it. There were arguments right and left from what she had read, everyone convinced that they were right. It was a bit entertaining to watch at first, to see how creative fans could become. Until they started to blow up her own accounts that is. Yes, Y/N had millions of followers before all of this, but they were all her own fans that appreciated who she was as an artist and person. Now BTS fans were on every single instagram and twitter post, commenting about Jungkook, the boys and how they could have met. A majority also writing things that were both hurtful and inappropriate. But hate comments never bothered her before, so seeing them coming from kpop fans didn’t change anything. She mostly just ignored them, and sometimes even liked a few that were so ridiculous she even snorted. But it was mostly to antagonize the haters so they knew she had read it, and couldn’t give two shits about their opinion.

But it wasn’t only the fans that were discussing about this particular topic. Y/N had noticed how korean websites like Allkpop and Soompi kept bringing up her and Jungkook. But she wasn’t so worried about them, seeing how Amber had warned her that those sites were full of bullshit anyways and nothing to trust. The artist found that out by reading one of their articles that spoke of a “close friend” of her that had somewhat confirmed that they had met for the first time six months ago. At that she couldn’t help but laugh out loud, seeing how Amber was the only one there when she had met Jungkook after all, and it wasn’t even close to six months. She was intrigued to see who this “close friend” was, and was convinced that it was only some attention seeking person that wanted their five minute of fame by being mentioned somewhere. Or maybe just the news site trying to get more views by coming up with fake news.

With a tired sigh she took her attention away from the tv show, seeing how it wasn’t able to distract her thoughts to something else. Y/N knew that Jungkook was probably in Sydney at the moment and preparing for their concert, or currently having it. She never really paid attention to the time difference anyway. She was back home in L.A relaxing in what seemed like forever. After her new album had dropped there were continuous days of interviews and performances. Not that she minded, it was her job after all and she loved it. But having a relaxing day at home was always the best. As Y/N absently paid attention to the show, her phone began to ring as she stretched her body out to reach it far on the table in front of her.

“Elizabeth,” she greeted her manager.

“Y/N!” the older woman replied. “I have very good news!”

“How good?” The girl questioned curiously.

“So good that it will bring you closer to your loving boyfriend,” her tone was smug on the other end of the line, and Y/N straightened up at her words.

“What does Jungkook have to do with this?” she asked confused.

“Everything darling. I’ve managed to make a deal with their label, and the two of you are going to have a collab!”

Y/N knew that this was the moment for her to be ecstatic and jump around in joy, but she couldn’t help but deflate a bit at the news. Considering the circumstances she just didn’t find the will to be happy about it.

“Not to sound negative, but have you not been on social media the last three days?” she asked her manager in disbelief.

“Of course I have, but that is nothing to worry about. You get to collab with one of the biggest names in k-pop at the moment, that will make great PR!”

Y/N closed her eyes and let out a small sigh, “Let me guess, I don’t have a say in this?”

“Not really no,” the woman admitted. “But you better get packing, we’re leaving for Seoul tonight, bybye!”

“Wait what, toni- hello?” The young star couldn’t help but gape down on her phone in shock.

Even though this was such a typical move of her manager to do, she would always be surprised when it happened. Elizabeth liked to drop an unexpected bomb on her from time to time. And that included spontaneous flights to another country across the world on the very same day they would be traveling. Seeing how she didn’t have a choice or say in it, she dragged herself up from the couch with an annoyed groan and into her room. Pulling out a large suitcase Y/N began looking through her closet. She didn’t even know how long they were staying, and just took things which she deemed necessary for traveling. Like a couple of outfits, underwear, electronics and toiletries. After about an hour of packing, the suitcase was full enough to last two weeks the most. Glancing at the time, she still had a couple of hours left and got changed into a pair of black leggings and one of Jungkook’s hoodies she had managed to steal from him. It was grey and reached to her thighs. It looked really big on her smaller form, but it was probably the most comfortable thing she had at the moment. Going into the kitchen, she took out a box of ramen and began to prepare the easy dinner for today. It didn’t take her long before she was seated by the kitchen counter, and practically slurping down the food as she sent a message to her boyfriend.

Feeling satisfied that Jungkook was not feeling guilty, she suddenly heard her front door open and Elizabeth came waltzing in with her usual bright grin, but frowned the moment she saw the half empty ramen box in front of the young star, who smiled sheepishly.

“You really need to learn the meaning of ‘healthy’,” she stated.

“I was hungry and there was no time to make dinner, let me live,” the last sentence was grumbled out as she emptied the rest of the box and disposed of the garbage and chopsticks.

Elizabeth only sighed in reply. “Have you packed yet, we don’t have much time.”

“It’s in my room,” Y/N nodded her head in the direction as her manager walked in without a word and came back out dragging her suitcase with her.

“Let’s go.”

With those words Y/N made sure to turn off all the lights and close all the windows and doors before slipping on her pair of worn out sneakers and following her manager, after making sure the door was locked. Throwing the hood over her head, she muffled a yawn as she got inside the car and did not look forward to the long road ahead.

Her phone screen showed that the clock was five in the morning when they landed in Seoul, and Y/N was shook awake from her sleep and she resisted the urge to whine. Despite having the luxury of being seated in first class, she never felt comfortable sleeping completely on a plane. She was always half awake and usually ended up having the worst jetlag to deal with later. Sleepily following her manager and two bodyguards they breezed through the check in and picked up all their luggages, as one of the guards had gone off to pick up their car. The airport was still buzzing with life despite the time, as Y/N pulled the hood down lower and put on a pair of sunglasses to avoid being seen. As they got outside she didn’t waste any time and quickly got into the van, hoping that no one had seen her.

“Where are we going Liz?”

Her manager that was seated upfront with the bodyguard was scrolling through her phone, dealing with a few important details before replying. “We’re going to the Big Hit building first to have a meeting about the collaboration, then we’ll leave straight to the hotel.”

Settling back in the car seat, Y/N put on the seat belt before taking out her phone and went on social media to try and past the time, but even for a celebrity like her there wasn’t much happening of her interests. The topic of her and Jungkook was already getting old, and she felt like she had read everything that needed to be known. Turning on some music, she blocked out the outside world with her earplugs as she leaned back and closed her eyes, investing herself in the music. Ed Sheeran’s Thinking out loud was the song playing while she gently swayed to the music. The lyrics were so sweet and romantic that she couldn’t help but think about Jungkook. It was moments like these she felt incredibly lucky to have someone like him in her life. Even though they practically lived on each side of the globe he never failed to make sure he would always be there for her. Y/N was also a 100% supportive each time their group had a comeback and new song, buying it on Itunes and getting the physical copies. Whenever they had a concert near her, she would make the time to go and support all seven of them. It wasn’t any different for her case. It wasn’t often she had concerts in Asia, but if her tours took her there, Seoul would always be number one on the list. Jungkook would disguise himself to go and support his girlfriend, either with some of his members or sometimes even alone. He didn’t really mind who he went with, as long as he was there in person. Y/N would always think about his sweet smile and laugh whenever she was having a bad, or missed him too much. How his strong arms would wrap around her when they were cuddling. How beautiful his voice sounded when he softly sang to her underneath the stars. How loving his kisses would be and how he would prolong them as much as he could to just preserve the moment. Despite the fact that their meeting were extremely limited, the both of them would always treasure the moments they actually got together. Even if it only is for a day, like at the Billboards or even a few minutes.

From what she could remember they’ve only had one serious fight. It was nearing their six month anniversary together, and she had flown to Seoul for a small visit. Jungkook was going through a particularly hard time and was often on edge and easy to anger. On that very day he just decided to take it out on her, and it was almost the reason that they had broken up. He was feeling extremely guilty after that and promised to never be an asshole ever again.

Y/N was relaxing on the couch of the boys’ dorm while she waited for Jungkook to return from his schedule. They were practicing today and he told her that he would be able to leave a bit earlier to spend some time together before the rest of the boys would be coming home. Even if he did have his own room, neither of them felt comfortable to do something when the others were home. She glanced at the time and saw that it was fifteen minutes past nine in the evening, as she let out a yawn when she heard the code of the dorm being entered and the door slammed open and shut again. Frowning, she slowly stood up as Jungkook came walking in, his mouth in a tight line.

“Hey, you’re back,” she smiled and approached him, but it quickly vanished as she saw he didn’t return it and simply went into the kitchen to roughly grab a water bottle and gulping it down.

“I’ve chosen a movie for us to watch-”

“I’m not in the mood,” Jungkook had grumbled out as he brushed past her surprised form and straight into his room.

Feeling confused and slightly hurt by his rejection, Y/N followed him and stopped by the door only to see him grabbing a couple of clothes for a shower, but he was doing everything a bit more aggressively than necessary and she knew that something wasn’t right. She saw the way his muscles were tensed underneath his damp t-shirt after the practice. Not only that, she had never seen him act this way before, so that was a dead giveaway.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” Y/N asked concerned and took a step inside, only to halt as he let out a breath.

“Nothing’s wrong,” he replied in a hard voice.

“You sure about that?” the young star questioned again.

“Yes, i’m pretty sure I know what I feel.”

“You don’t actually think i’m going to believe you with the way you’re behaving,” she raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

“I’m not doing anything,” Jungkook defended himself with a mock raise of his hands, as the irritation began to creep up on her.

“Hey, i’m trying to help you here, no need to act like an asshole,” Y/N couldn’t help but snap lightly.

“It’s none of your business, alright,” he said with a look as he brushed past her again, a bundle of clothes in his hands heading towards the bathroom.

“Stop right there!” her voice demanded him, as Jungkook did stop in his place with a exaggerated move before turning to face her with an annoyed expression.

“What?”

“Don’t use that tone on me,” she glared. “You’re going to walk in here and telling me that it’s none of my business when my boyfriend is obviously angry about something?”

“That’s because you wouldn’t understand,” he got out through gritted teeth, as if containing his anger.

“What wouldn’t I understand? That’s what I’m trying to ask you!” Y/N couldn’t help but exclaim. “I can’t help you if you won’t let me.”

“I don’t need your help, alright. Leave me alone,” Jungkook said with a glare and turned back around to walk away.

Y/N couldn’t help the hurt that she felt inside of her at the way he was treating her. This was so unlike her sweet boyfriend that she got to know and love. Swallowing away the lump in her throat she opened her mouth to reply. “If you walk away from me now, i’m walking out that door and never coming back,” her voice held the finality that even made him stop.

Jungkook turned to face her with disbelief, “Are you being serious right now?”

“Deadly.”

He let out a laugh that didn’t hold any humor, but more like how ridiculous it sounded. “Why are you the one getting angry at me?” he snapped.

“Because you’re being an asshole at the moment, I don’t have time for assholes,” Y/N said without blinking.

That was the moment the front door had opened as the boys filed into the dorm, speaking in pleasant voices and sharing laughs after their hard day of practice. The couple didn’t pay them any mind as both of them were too caught up in their anger.

“Asshole? Well you’re being an egotistical bitch right now,” Jungkook retorted and watched as her mouth fell open at his term.

Silence fell across the newcomers as their eyes widened in shock of what they just heard coming out of their maknae’s mouth. It happened before anyone could stop it, as the sound of a slap echoed through the living room and his head had snapped to the side by the surprise of it. The stinging feeling on his cheek only made it clearer and that he didn’t imagine it. She really did slap him. Gulping down the slight guilt he felt, he turned back around to face her with a small glare only to soften a bit to see her eyes filled with angry tears.

“I don’t know what the hell your problem is,” Y/N got out in a shaking voice, the anger and hurt was as clear as the full moon outside the window. “But i’m not staying around to find out.”

With those last words she roughly picked up her jacket and purse, not even bothering to put on her shoes as she carried them in her hands and pushed past the rest of the boys - who didn’t even try to stop her. They were all way too shocked of what they just saw happening. When the door slammed shut behind her, Yoongi was the one to speak up first. He had a disappointed expression on as he looked at their youngest member. Jungkook could almost feel his resolve break down at that and only looked down at the floor.

“I don’t what just happened here Jungkook, but that was uncalled for,” his voice scolded.

He couldn’t help but throw his clothes away in frustration as he let out a curse and the other didn’t even bother to lecture him about it.

“I fucked it up, didn’t I?” Jungkook sighed and looked at his hyungs who all gave him a look.

“What do you think?” Seokjin replied sarcastically.

“What the hell are you still doing here then?” Their leader spoke up with an eyebrow raised. Jungkook only looked at him confused.

“Go after her you fool!” Jimin was the one to explain, as the youngest mouth opened in realization and he quickly raced towards the door and stumbled out while pulling on his shoes.

It had only been a few minutes since Y/N managed to get away, and Jungkook didn’t even bother to use the elevator as he ran down all the steps and out the door. Frantically looking around, he could see her familiar form getting further away as he chased after her.

“Y/N!” He called out.

Y/N on the other hand had felt the anger leave the moment she got out of the dorm, and the only thing remaining was the hurt and confusion. She couldn’t understand why Jungkook would treat her that way when she had done nothing wrong. And that he had called her a bitch made it even worse. She really didn’t plan to slap him, it just happened in the heat of the moment and she couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty at that. But when she suddenly heard his voice call out her name, the young celebrity turned around in disbelief to see him running towards her and stopping in front of her with heavy breaths.

“What do you want?” Y/N mumbled out as she looked anywhere but his face.

He had another thought as he suddenly grabbed her face with both of his hands gently, and she was surprised to see his eyes were slowly filling up with unshed tears.

“Babe, i’m so sorry!” He said desperately. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way, it was unforgivable and i’m an idiot, I know that. Please forgive me?”

She felt the lump in her throat return, “It really hurt, Jungkook,” she whispered out. “What you said to me, and the way you behaved. I don’t even know what I did wrong.”

“I know, I know! I’m sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong, I promise. I was having a hard time during dance practice and kept messing up. I was angry at myself on the way home and let it all out on you. You should hate me, I know that as well. But please forgive me, I love you too much,” Jungkook almost whimpered out as a few tears trailed down his cheeks as he continued to cradle her face in his hands.

Y/N’s heart hurt as she looked at how broken he was at the possibility of her leaving him, and she didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around his waist as he quickly returned the tight hug with his chin resting on top of her head.

“I forgive you,” she whispered.

“I’m so sorry. I promise to never do that again. I deserved that slap.”

Pulling away the slightest, she let out a small smile. “Yes you did. But I love you too.”

At those words he had bent down and pressed his lips against hers in a passionate kiss underneath the moonlight, that really showed how much he loved her. Both of them had returned to the dorm a while later, both wearing grins as the boys waited in anticipation and sighed out in relief at the sight. All eight of them had spent the rest of the evening watching a comedy movie together, and sharing takeout food as they kept each other company.

Y/N was shaken out of the memory as the car came to a halt and she looked outside to see that they had arrived at the new Big Hit building. Getting out of the car, the stuffed her hands in the pocket of the hoodie as she followed her manager in the building, who then asked for entrance at the reception. After their visit being confirmed they were escorted to the elevator that brought them up the level the company was located. Stepping outside they were then showed to the meeting room. Knocking gently, someone from the inside told us to come in as the door opened. It was an average sized room with white walls, and some pictures hanging in the background. There was a large table with chairs placed around it, and Y/N figured this was a regular meeting room. She then noticed that Jungkook was there as well, along with his manager and their PDnim. He stood up to greet her with a small hug, that she returned quickly before sitting down beside each other.

“Thank you for coming Y/N,” Bang Shi Hyuk smiled at her as she returned it nervously.

Elizabeth had a translator placed by her side, seeing how she was only one not speaking fluent korean.

“I’m sure you both already know why we’re here today,” the man addressed the two young adults as they exchanged looks.

“Is there a problem with what happened at the Billboard awards, PDnim?” Jungkook asked him.

The older man just smiled gently. “Oh no, don’t worry about that. We just like to take precautions in case it does get out of hand. We came up with the idea to have you two collaborate on a song, so the the fans can calm down. They of course don’t need to know how long this has been going on, we can just tell them a little white lie that this has been in the works before the award show. And that will explain why you were so familiar with all of them. It would also bring great PR exposure for both sides.”

“Are you sure this is going to work, sir?” Y/N asked when she felt Jungkook grab her hand underneath the table.

“Unless the two of you are comfortable with going public, I don’t see why not,” Bang Shi Hyuk replied.

Her eyes widened a bit at his words. “Would you be okay with that? Us going public I mean.”

This time he gave her a more serious look, “That is not my choice to make. The personal lives of my artists are up to them, but of course there are consequences to think about if you really are considering to go public.”

His words made sense as she thought about it. Personally, for her it wouldn’t make much of a difference, seeing how the culture she lived in, this was a normal occurrence. But she couldn’t just forget how this would be for Jungkook. It wasn’t just him she had to think about. But he was in a group with six other boys that this could affect. She didn’t want to be the reason of their career falling apart after so much work. As the meeting came to an end, their managers and PDmin were the once to leave first, leaving Jungkook and Y/N alone in the meeting room.

“How you feeling about this?” He asked her, his hand never leaving hers.

“It’s not that bad,” she smiled up at him. “At least we’ll have a reason to meet up more.”

“True,” he chuckled before sobering up. “What do you think about going public?”

She bit her lip at the question. “Of course it would be nice to be able and go around freely. But I just see too many bad things coming out of it, and you guys don’t deserve that treatment.”

He nodded in understanding at her words before another cute smile came upon his face and he moved closer to her. His cupped her cheek as he bent down to press his lips against hers in a short but sweet kiss.

“We’re together now, let’s do something.”

Y/N raised her eyebrows, “Don’t you have any schedules?”

“Not for the rest of the day,” he shrugged.

“It’s barely 7 AM, and I’m kind of jetlagged,” she pouted.

“We can relax at my dorm?” Jungkook suggested in a hopeful tone. “Come on, we barely see each other as it is.”

“Okay fine,” Y/N relented with a smile and was rewarded with a bright grin and he began to drag her out of the room.

While they walked through the corridors of Big Hit entertainment another thought came to her mind. 

“Jungkook,” she said as he hummed in reply. “What would you do if your relationship did get public. Without out permission.”

“You mean we get busted?” He asked amused and she rolled her eyes. 

“Well yeah that.”

“If that happens, i’ll probably write a letter to explain the situation for the ARMY’s.”

“Then what?” Y/N looked at him in anticipation as he gave a confused glance. 

“Theen we’ll just have to wait and see?” he finished confused. “Where are you going with this?”

“I don’t know...” His girlfriend sighed. “I guess I was just expecting something.”

There was a moment of silence. “You expected me to break up with you?”

She met his eyes and tried to shrug casually, but he saw through her strong act and let out a sigh. “Y/N, I will never break up with you, no matter what fans or someone else says. I love you, alright.”

His words did assure her, but she couldn’t just help but wonder. “But it’s your career Jungkook, what if I ruin it? And the boys as well!”

Jungkook put his hands on her shoulders and hoped it would calm down her thoughts. “You won’t,” he stated. “EXO’s Baekhyun went through the same thing with a dating scandal, as well as Kai. You don’t see their careers going down,” he pointed out. “And I believe that majority of the fans will support us.”

He sounded so sure that she couldn’t help but smile and nod in agreement. “Okay, I believe you.”

He grinned before giving her a quick peck and taking a hold of her hand again. “Good, now come on. The members will be happy to see you!”