#i love that funky lil bard

[slugdroid]

bastard man

[bingeate-r]

Greatings from afar my queen I have a request for ya

So actually I am deeply sorry for disturbing your peace my great queen ' but you humble servant here ask for general dating headcanons or anything you brilliance has cooked inside her great mind with zenji from Tokyo debunker, I am desperately in need for some context of this man because he is the sweetest thing ever , Hope the inspiration light guide you and you never get a writing block ever my dear

farewell my Majesty

THIS HAS ME SCREAMING. WHOEVER WROTE THIS YOU HAVE ME GIGGLING AND SHOWING MY HUSBAND THIS MESSAGE.

I would be absolutely delighted to share my take on Zenji, and what dating that funky lil ghost bard would be like! My deepest apologies if it is a little short, but regardless I had fun writing for Zenji and hope to get more requests from you in the future! Hope you like it!

Zenji Kotodama/Taro Kirisak

Zenji, a man driven by the desire to create, finding beauty in every detail around him, would have been a fool not to fall for you. One look at your sweet face and his brain was overcome with melodies, stories, and any beautiful word he had in his arsenal that he could attribute to you. Each day spent with you was a whirlwind of ideas, inspiration hitting him harder than the clash did.

You’d leave for the day, and Zenji would pine as if he lost his lover for eternity. Hands furious and frenzied as he scrambled to get his thoughts down before they were replaced with new ones, dozens of books now filled with lyrical nonsense on your beauty, and the way he longs for you.

He’d follow Haku all day, lingering over his shoulder, singing lines he wrote about his ethereal goddess/god of a muse, looking for pointers on how to make them better than the last.

“When your gaze falls upon me, my dear, I feel as if my soul has once again touched the earth, breath filling my lungs for the first time in years.” He spoke, reciting the seventieth line Haku had heard that day. Haku nodded along, his brain elsewhere. The poor boy could only listen to so many love declarations a day.

Zenji is the type to leave love letters, detailing the way he wishes he could feel your soft skin underneath his fingertips; how even just a day spent away from you is enough to shatter his aching heart, the pieces unable to reform until he was in your presence again. He’d of course make you read most of the letters in his presence, a prideful bubble in his chest as he took in your reaction.

“I apologize, my dear, I often find it hard to find the right words to describe just how deeply my soul aches for yours.” He’d breathe, mind already swirling with thoughts of how to make the next letter even more romantic.

If you play musical instruments, he’s begging constantly for duets. If you don’t, the begging is equally as furious, but this time he wants to teach you how to play the biwa, wanting nothing more than to share his greatest passion with his greatest inspiration. After all, every word he wrote was with you at the tip of his tongue.

“Just like that, darling.” His voice rang out softly as he watched you pluck a chord, fingers gliding to the next string to repeat the action. His encouragement and praise went hand in hand, eyes bright and intent as they stayed locked on you.

So long as it doesn’t phase you, being a spirit hardly phases Zenji. He pushes the limits constantly, testing just what he could and couldn’t do, the goal in the end always being the same: do whatever it takes to be with you.

[risetherivermoon]

Some s1 kids/kiddads art of an au im working my mind out on! basically a typical fantasy/faerun type au but my own little twist on it :))

heres some info cards about them in this specific universe as well as some rambling:

im also probably gonna make one of these for the dads as well because this au has become some brainrot lol, i had a lot of fun designing lark and sparrows outfits because i always imagine oakvale wear being white gold and green so i kinda really leaned into with that. Nick as a tiefling is fun and silly to me teehee, as well as terry jr as a vampire. Its just a bunch of magical people and then grant lmao

i like terry and ron having a found family type of bond, and i promise ron will end up meeting samantha at some point lol, and i have a lot of notes about ron's character because of his background and everything, they aren't all supposed to fit into specific dnd archetypes or classes, but some of them like sparrow, nick, and terry have actual dnd classes lol, im really just fucking around with the loose concept of faerun, tbh i kinda see nick as both a bard and a fighter type of character? yk?

the necklaces with the single green bead that both lark and sparrow wear actually hold some cultural meaning for oakvale that im still working on, but i came up with the concept a while back so we'll see if i decide to talk about it

their stories do end up intertwining but this is the basic background info about their stories, and there will be more revealed when i get into making the s1 dads info cards as well.

terry and the twins probably took the longest to color and draw because of how many details are on both of them, especially terry's parasol bc i drew that without looking up a reference so i do hope it actually looks like an umbrella...nick was a bit hard to draw just because his face is partially covered and grant was actually fairly easy and i love how his design came out since ive been attempting to figure out a s1/teen design for him for a bit, obviously this isn't it because he's in fantasy attire but it's close enough that i have the gist of the idea..i made him look so pale lol, i imagine carol is pretty pasty and darryl isn't too tan either so...white boy is very white indeed

anywayys thats some of my funky lil au lol

(here are the dads!)

[imorphemi]

omg its my first ever dnd character! in the one and only @sky-squido's awesome campaign!!!

Aster is a School of Illusion wizard, though she mainly uses her arcane knowledge to aid her musical performances. She is just a happy lil gal who traveled around the Eicrest Coalition until she journeyed to the Iltemar Peninsula in search of rumors of wild magics in the frozen north.

I need to emphasize how much Aster has bard vibes but she is ultimately a wizard. She has a violin. She cantrips Minor Illusion every chance she gets. She is just a funny lil gal

Her siblings, Foren and Koriel, are also wizards. Foren is an Order of Scribes wizard and Koriel is a School of Transmutation wizard. All three of them studied magic since they were young and always had a love of learning, though Foren was the only one who pursued higher education in the arcane. Koriel got an art apprenticeship and wanted to focus on that instead.

uhhh read more about her backstory under the cut?

See, Aster was the result of a deal her mother made with a demon for power or something I guess. Their mother is a powerful spellcaster and some highranking official, who wanted her children to also have knowledge of the arcane. Thus, Foren and Koriel were enrolled in magic school at an early age.

When Aster was born, her mother thought that if anyone saw her they would know that something shifty was up. Her siblings are the only reason she's even alive. Aster wasnt allowed out of the house, but her siblings would sneak her out once in a while to go play with their friends, and one of those excursions was where she got her name Aster.

Foren and Koriel went to magic school, and even though Aster didn't go, she learned a lot of magic from them and their friends and reading the textbooks they brought home. Occasionally she'd sneak out to listen to the lectures.

When Foren graduated, Koriel and Aster encouraged him to pursue higher education elsewhere from the city. Three years after that, their mother found out about Aster's excursions and Koriel helped Aster sneak out of the city, staying to continue her apprenticeship. It didn't take long for Koriel to also leave the city to elsewhere. Many of those in their friend group also accompanied each of them on their travels.

Narid and Kairos had graduated with Foren and accompanied him on further research. Cinder had stayed behind to watch over his younger sister Charm until she had graduated, before leaving with Koriel. Viridian and Celesty traveled with Aster initially before leaving on their own travels as well.

Aster traveled around the Eicrest Coalition for an year until she heard about the wild magics up in the north, and thats where the campaign begins :D

(uhh semi thing to note, these kids are chinese! in the way like. with like face shape and stuff they are very much chinese. ignore the fact that they have yellow eyes theyre half elves theyre kinda funky)

[nintendonut1]

I think Tumblr ate my last ask before it could go through so sorry if you're seeing double of me in your inbox BUT I wanted to say. Merlow? Adorable. I just caught up on Court of Roses throughout the week and I love that funky lil bard.

THANK YOU

HE LOVES YOU TOO!!!!!!

[lankira]

Was just talking about this character's BG3 version in @dee-the-red-witch's replies when I remembered that I've not talked about her on the blog much. WHICH IS A CRIME.

This is Razira Fein, my funky lil lesbian drow follower of Eilistraee (art by @canine-king-art )

When it comes time to talk about her backstory, I will admit that I kind of fridged her girlfriend. So cws for religious trauma and character death below the cut.

So, first up: Razira is practical, but not necessarily high femme or butch in her preferred presentation. This is heavily informed by her time as house guard and surface raider for one of the Houses of her universe's equivalent of Menzoberranzan. Like...being alive trumps looking good (far right armored look), and being comfortable on the road now that she's on the surface trumps style (all black hatted look).

The other two looks? The one that's very peacocky with the feather in the hat is her stage look. Gotta grab attention there, and she's spent so much of her life in full armor that exposed skin feels incorrect. She's fine with nudity in places like full moon rituals and the bedroom. Just not her thing on stage. She'd totally be down for watching a burlesque show though. Her other (vaguely-Japanese-inspired) look is what she wears when busking on city streets. Since not a lot of places on the surface are kind to drow and she doesn't want to risk damaging the embroidery and beadwork on that performance jacket, she picked something unique but simple.

Wait. Busking? Armor? This is either the most armored bard or something else is going on here! That's correct, something else is going on here.

See, Razira left her home after her girlfriend, Llostin, was murdered for trying to leave and join a enclave of followers of Eilistraee on the surface. Drow society does NOT like when its members turn their back on Lolth. The only thing left of the girlfriend's that Razira had was a holy text. As she read more of it, she understood why Llostin wanted to leave, and did so, succeeding where her late love had failed.

After spending decades with the enclave, learning about Eilistraee, learning song and dance and art and poetry, and unlearning a lot of the typical drow society bullshit, the leaders of the enclave suggested that Razira was ready to see the world. And so, she set out to do so, making money sometimes as an entertainer, sometimes as hired muscle to secure safe travel between cities. (This is why she started as a Fighter withe the Entertainer background)

Through all this travel, she learned a lot more about the world and found her own little place in it. Until the start of the campaign had her thrust into a series of world-shattering events.

While the campaign she was in ran very short for a number of reasons, she's one of the characters I'm most fond of. I usually play someone young, at the start of their journey. But Razira...not so much. She was about 250 years old and had been mourning her lost love for about a century of that time. She thought she was nearing the end of her character arc. She had discovered a lot about herself in that time and had believed that she would never find love again, in part because of the crippling survivor's guilt, in part because she didn't think that she would want to love again.

Until she met Aurellon, one of our party's sidekicks who was described as an androgynous Milo Thatch with the fashion sense of Billy Porter. The pair talked a lot about a lot of things and there was a queer little romance starting when the campaign was tragically cut short.

So, yeah... That's the short version of explaining Razira. Oh! Also! Her fighter subclass is Echo Knight, which we flavored as pulling echoes that were past or future incarnations of her soul instead of alternate world versions. So that was neat.

[caffeinelemur]

I saw your tags on the s3 Jaskier gifs and just wanted to say I used to run a Destiel blog with over a thousand followers and I had only watched half of the very first episode 🤷🏻‍♀️ the rest of my engagement was absorbed through Tumblr and fanfic ♪⁠┌⁠|⁠∵⁠|⁠┘⁠♪ And Witcher s1 really doesn't do Jaskier much justice, he's in painfully little of the season lol. Just as a heads up so if you do watch it you're not too disappointed that he's not in half the episodes

I love fandom osmosis lol. But also to clarify since I don’t think my tags on that post did, I’m not a new fan, I know he’s barely there that’s (mostly) why I didn’t watch it.

I was here when s1 was still coming out and I absorbed a lot through said fandom osmosis and basically kept seeing this funky lil bard on my dash (I think ppl were going apeshit about the Djinncident, rightly so, and I was like pretty boy that sings getting whumped? Sign me up) and was like ok I like this guy what’s this about, then in about a week learnt everything about him/the witcher. When s1 was over, I read so much fanfic, and I bought the books and the game.

I still to this day haven’t properly watched the show though.

But since my babygirl is in so many more scenes in s2 & 3, and they look very fun to me, I enjoy the bits they clip and want more context, I thought I might watch it now actually, which is a very funny decision to make at this point when the Witcher is my biggest fandom on ao3 and I have three separate playlists for Jaskier songs. (It’s not even my main Special Interest fandom it just worked out this way somehow)

It’s very funny to me that after this long being feral in the fandom without watching s1, what it finally took for me to fully consider watching the show was just. More Joey Batey.

[thaim-ghaistly-fowk]

*Spins around in my computer chair like a Bond villain*

Venti hangs onto the side of the cart and dramatically points to where you need to go next like a funky lil pirate. You turn the corners sharp and he playfully freaks out and dramatically declares that "the captain always goes down with the ship, yn! Think of me when I'm gone!"

I love the idea that you both are little hoarders and your house together is kinda like Howl's bedroom. I think Venti is a sucker for those cheap gemstone rock things, he doesn't believe in like the healing properties or whatever, he just thinks they're neat

I also think he ironically buys anything thats "live laugh love" related but acts like he genuinely likes them, you used to laugh about it but now you're at the stage where you're not sure if he's joking or not anymore. He also has anything "it's wine o'clock!" adjacent for obvious reasons. Just imagine him sitting in "his" chair in the livingroom in the morning with a "it's wine o'clock!" mug and you never really know if it is wine or not, honestly it's a 50/50 chance...

I think his favourite chore is either the dishes (playful, plenty of opportunities for mischief, relaxing repeatative task for him to zone out and think about songs) or sweeping/vacuming the floors (GOTTA GO FAST!). I think his most beloathed chore is making the bed, just on priciple alone ("EVERY DAY we WAKE UP and MAKE THE BED only to GO TO SLEEP AGAIN AT NIGHT TIME, THEN REPEAT? WHY SHOULD I MAKE IT UP????"). I like to think despite the homeless-tree-sleeper accusations that he has a whole bunch of pillows and throw pillows on his side of the bed that have a VERY SPECIFIC way of being arranged, and constantly remaking the bed means trying to figure out the placement all over again.

Not sure if it's domestic but...I like the idea that he's playfully a dork at flirting once you're both comfy in the relationship. Like early days he's a proper bard romantic but once you've both settled and goofy together he's like...ridiculous...

Venti: hey Diluc, think you could introduce me to your friend over there?

Diluc: ....Y/N?

Venti: Yeah, I think they're cute

Diluc: ....you want me to introduce you...to your SO?

Venti: Yeah, gotta shoot my shot, ya know?

Y/N: I CAN HEAR YOU????

Venti: Great! Wanna go out with me?

Diluc: ....I want no part in this, get out

It gets better if you're married:

Venti, leaning on the table you're sitting at outside the Good Hunter with one arm, hip out, ankle crossed over the other, stupid flirty look on his face: heyyyyy, you come here often?

Y/N: Every day with my husband for lunch...

Venti: GASP YOU'RE MARRIED, OH NO!

Y/N: We're about to get divorced if you don't SIT DOWN, people ARE LOOKING!

im in such a massive soft domestic venti mood like god i need to talk about it w someone or i explode. just like. what do u think his fave chores are. whats grocery shopping like with him. what does he usually have on his list and whats his fave section in there. imagine shopping for household items with him. maybe we need new silverware? new mugs? cooking utensils? maybe it's time we treat ourselves to new sheets? curtains? breakfasts in bed or making breakfast together and silly shenanigans from two people in love ensue. cleaning the house together and ending up sitting on the floor w messy boxes everywhere and theyre all opened bc ur now going thru albums instead of cleaning. anything. everything. i just need to talk about shit like this w someone but nobodys on the soft domestic mood these days please

[gilmores-glorious-blog]

AHSJRJFHSJRFHJSAJSHSKAJ I JUST WATCHED EPISODE FOUR AND I’M!!!!!!!! HEAD EMPTY THOUGHTS JASKIER I FORGOT HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVED HIM ITS BEEN TWO YEARS AND HES BACK AND I ADORE HIM AND HOLY SHIT BURN BUTCHER BURN IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE THING EVER AND OH MY GOD THE THINLY VEILED QUEER ALLEGORIES IN THIS EPISODE!!!!! THIS BARD IS BISEXUAL AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!! BUT NO IM ACTUALLY SCREAMING AND CRYING AND WEEPING AND WAILING I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HES SO GOOD AND AHHHHHHHHHH HE IS EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[professorbowman]

thinkin bout...

them

[yancyeet]

I started Wandersong, it's pretty fun

[fawnnbinary]

I saw you're "hold him" art of Jaskier just being a Lil Guy and now i picture him just being lifted by geralt or eskel, hands under armpits or just picking him up by his arms and extending him to someone (lambert) being like "See him. Acknowledge him."

they love their funky lil bard and wants everyone to appreciate him

it is truly a shame for Geralt that Lambert is a stubborn prick not looking to perceive sad bards at this time skdhskjfgh

[ace-beef]

The Gang Plays Dungeons and Dragons

so my silly little brain loves to just take a group of characters and go “what if they played DnD together?” and that is exactly what I’ve done here with the characters from Always Sunny. Might turn this into a fic but idk yet 

Charlie  - was the one who suggested playing it because he happened to discover it one day and as the funky lil creative he is, he's prepared a homebrew campaign that is absolutely nuts and doesn't always make sense - as he can barely read he hasn't exactly got the best grasp on the rules. He might go and find some videos to explain it better to him but he also does have a shit attention span so he probably gets a little bit bored - basically he found out about a game for adults where you can acceptably play make believe like a kid and really liked the idea of it - a somewhat fair DM but gets frustrated when the others inevitably deviate from the plot a lot, like I feel like he also threatens to kill people's characters if they continue to completely ruin stuff - really works hard on doing different character voices and describing different characters and places, even down to having props, costume parts, maps etc - draws everyone’s characters 

Mac  - starts out complaining that he "doesn't want to play some shitty nerd game" but then gets shown the barbarian class and all the weapons his character could use and then he gets fully into it - briefly thinks about being a monk instead but gets very put off when reading about Ki and just doesn't understand it at all - builds a Dragonborn or Half Orc barbarian beefcake, his highest stats are strength and dexterity, and he has weapons that use a d10 or a d12 for damage - he never really gets into the roleplay aspect and gets kinda bored when there hasn't been any combat for a while which means that he often starts combat himself, like they're all yelling at him not to and he just attacks anyway and rolls his dice and then Charlie just yells like "OKAY FINE ROLL INITIATIVE" - constantly tries to do cool stunts (you know he’s physically demonstrating them too the best he can) and gets very mad when his dice roll low, and so he probably flips the table at least once every session - doesn't ask to roll for intimidation (or any other skill but he uses intimidation way more than the others) he just does it anyway and announces it - Mac: I rolled a 12 so I intimidate the guard with my big muscles and he cowers before me Charlie: nO dude that’s not how it works, I decide whether he’s intimidated by you aaand *rolls dice* he’s not  Mac: WHAT??? That’s bullshit Charlie you KNOW how big my character’s muscles are! *proceeds to flex irl* 

Dennis  - also "doesn't want to play some shitty nerd game" and takes more convincing than Mac, but eventually what sways him over is the fact that his character can seduce as many people as he wants, and he probably sees some raunchy artwork of a tiefling woman and decides that he'll play - Aasimar Bard that has a very high charisma stat and is quite possibly the horniest bard you have ever seen, although he's not seducing dragons and monsters because he "has standards" - uses 'vicious mockery' constantly and comes up with the most incredible insults, and often threatens to use it on his party members  - never gives inspiration dice to the others (except maybe to Mac on occasion) - probably a bit of a rules lawyer but only when it benefits him or ruins someone else - surprises himself a little bit and the others when he ends up getting very into the roleplay part of the game, oftentimes completely forgetting that he's just effectively flirting with Charlie in a wig - therefore gets Very into character and ends up becoming weirdly attached to and protective of his character so gets genuinely upset when his character is near death “heal ME! I’m clearly the best member of the party!” - very detailed and descriptive roleplay, sometimes too descriptive 

Dee  - also also "doesn't want to play some shitty nerd game" but particularly when Mac and Dennis get roped into it she doesn't want to get left out and joins anyway, plus she very quickly realises that it's a perfect opportunity to demonstrate her acting skills - therefore very much enjoys the roleplay aspect and often gets very intense which the others (except Dennis) aren't quite sure what to do with since they're just goofing around for the most part - would argue with Dennis about being a bard but eventually she gets bullied into settles on being a Tiefling Sorcerer because it "seems pretty cool" - the others joke about how she should be playing an Aarakocra though, "oh wow Dee look! They based an entire race on you!" - argues with Charlie A Lot about various different things that she supposedly can and can't do (tbf they all do but she is The Worst) - has an incredibly long and fleshed out backstory written down for her character and she keeps asking Charlie when he’s going to bring it up and use it in the plot of the campaign  - not so interested in combat since she can never quite get her head around the magic system but she does laugh at and berate the others about not being able to solve 'simple' puzzles

Frank  - has absolutely no idea what DnD is or what he's doing but he's playing just for Charlie and because Charlie was so enthusiastic about it - when making a character he probably asks stuff like "so which class has the most sex appeal?" / "Which one of these will get me to bang the most fantasy broads?", which inevitably means he gets involved in the ‘Who Gets To Be The Bard’ argument with Dennis and Dee but backs out very quickly because honestly, he's not That invested - I would say he gets 'lumped with the healer role' because of this but you just KNOW that the gang has absolutely no idea how to build a good, co-operative party and therefore has the most chaotic and messy party you've ever seen - ends up being a High Elf (so he can be "tall and sexy") Rogue so he can be crafty and steal a bunch of money from people, which also includes his fellow players and they get very mad about it - Mac: hey you can't steal from me! I attack him with my greataxe *rolls dice* Charlie: no Mac he rolled a 15 whereas you rolled a 2 your character didn't notice him steal from you Mac: but I just watched him say he stole from me! Charlie: YOU did but your character DIDN'T! Dennis: Mac buddy he's right you just didn't roll well enough! Frank: *cackling* I just stole all of your money! DEAL WITH IT! Mac: *standing up* WELL I ROLLED WELL ENOUGH TO HIT HIM! I GOT A 19! Charlie: *overlapping* YOU DON’T HIT SHIT! Dennis: *overlapping* METAGAMING! THAT'S METAGAMING YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

[girlbowser]

yo fyi the tumblr overlay stuff is overwriting the search box and search button. Anyway today's dual is Dragon of Storm (BardThief of BreathHope) and I'd love to hear any examples you can think of that specific classpect in media

on point 1: so i fixed that, and then out of curiosity i went and checked my feedback form - turns out there were eight unread responses, ope. and turns out there was a massive bug and subtraction just. didnt work right.

so i fixed those, and then i added a fixed navbar, and that caused all SORTS of issues but it looked better so blargh but anyway. The Website Has Been Updated (which is also, the tumblr! i dont know how tumblr works but if you go to the full page the changes are there too). Now the site has like, a better navbar??? this took way too long to be worth it lmfao

Also most of the replies to the form was about Homesturdle. One day I will get back to the Homesturdle^2 update that I had planned, but that day is, "i don't want to learn typescript" days away lol

anyway

ON DUALS (alicorn theory primer)

Dual Classpects are a couple of things. They're a system to give funky names to sprite-fused Homestuck characters, they're a way to make cool sounding titles, but it's also mostly today's XKCD.

In the case of today (April 23, 2022), we're gonna be playing around with Dragon of Storm.

DRAGON OF STORM

(yeah i know the website is a lil janky rn. if anyone has suggestions for a logo n stuff hmu)

Anyway. Dragon of Storm. The search page says that a Dragon of Storm is made out of ThiefBard of BreathHope, so to get a Dragon of Storm you could do a few things.

Number one is that you grab a Bard of Breath and a Thief of Hope, and sprite-fuse them together. This is the original way Dual Classpecting worked, and I think it's fairly understandable. Bam, two people, now one person. New classpect.

The other way to do it is through Alicorn Theory, which is not for this post in terms of an in-depth explanation, but I'll do a brief rundown here. Basically, what if alicornhood is achieved through doing character growth Really Really Good, like, triumphing over your classpect + a bonus one.

For the purpose of this post, we'll be looking at making an alicorn out of a Thief of Hope -- Peter Quill, from GOTG2.

Peter's whole thing is that he's been actively taken from places, but that gives him new opportunities, new hopes. There's more to this classpecting, but I'll save it for a larger post on the Hope aspect (most of what I'd say in it can be viewed here). For now, let's take it as granted and move on.

(Special thanks to @nihilistic-janitor for being the driver of like 70% of this blog's meta and for being just generally fucking awesome. This would not exist without them.)

To become fully realized as a Dragon of Storm, he needs to overcome the challenges of both his inverse classpect (Page of Rage) AND the bonus secondary one (the inverse of Bard of Breath, Maid of Blood). This actually fits GOTG vol2 kinda perfectly.

Peter's big new struggle in this film kinda IS that of a Maid of Blood. He just found out about a new, like, literal biological part of him, but it's also a new familial relationship that drives the film's conflict. He has to overcome this, become a Bard of Breath (one who passively destroys thru and is passively destroyed by freedom/youth/innocence/travel), leave Ego behind, and be with his team.

He also achieves Page of Rage in this film - like, the giant pacman is. i mean. like. come on.

right???? gamers????????

anyway

By the end of the film, once he's finally at his like, Character Growth Achieved moment, that's a Dragon of Storm, I tell ye. I declare it.

but, yeah! that's basically it for that ask. this post deleted itself halfway thru typing it and i had to redo it, so, like, lol

if anyone else has asks they wanna submit, always feel free! and thank you to all the new followers :D im pleased as hell to see people like the work i put in, and i wanna make it better!

[pleasewriteusernamehere]

love rb-ing stuff abt bards bc i either tag it as iskylos or venti from gi with no in between

vibes, man

sky ain’t even a bard as such he’s just a funky lil dude

[havenoffandoms]

Man’s Best Friend

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29786457/chapters/73307826#workskin

Summary: When Eskel can’t stomach any human interaction, Lambert brings in the big guns.

This is just an excuse to write some Lil Bleater and Eskel fluff. Check out the link on AO3 for the series @creativwit and I have created (titled the Eskel Fluff Dump, to go with our Eskel Whump Dump, because we’re creative like that). 

Lambert knows that today is not a good day for Eskel when he sees his brother trudging into the kitchen, hair still tousled from where it rested on his pillow all night, and still in his cotton braies and shirt he always wears to bed. Eskel isn't in the habit of not cleaning up before breakfast. In fact, on most occasions when Lambert came down for breakfast Eskel will have been awake for hours already, either getting a headstart on his chores or reading in the library. Not today, it seems. Today Eskel looks like shit.

And Lambert tells him that in the nicest, most caring way possible.

"You, brother, look like you've been dragged by a zeugl through the shitty sewers of both Novigrad and Oxenfurt."

Lambert's easy banter, meant to lighten Eskel's sour mood, only earns him a raised middle finger in response. Which is strange in and of itself, because Eskel is not one for rude gestures. Eskel can destroy a man's reputations using only his words and wit. Lambert knows because he's witnessed it once in his lifetime and to this day the innkeep in Ard Carraigh will let anyone who mentions the name Eskel sleep and eat for free in his establishment.

"Okay, tough crowd," Lambert clicks his tongue once, wrecking his brain for a way to engage Eskel. The latter picks up an apple and a jug of water (at least Lambert hopes it's water and not ale… or vodka) before shuffling out of the kitchen again without sparing Lambert a glance or a word.

Strange. Lambert really should investigate.

__________

"Hey Geralt!"

"Lambert."

Lambert finds Geralt in the stables mucking out Roach's stall. Lambert makes sure to pat his own gelding on the nose in greeting before addressing his brother again.

"Seen Eskel this morning?" Lambert asks casually, as if he's not still internally freaking out at just how terrible their brother looked this morning. Geralt glances up at Lambert briefly, and if Lambert wasn't as well-versed in Geralt's body language he would have missed the concern flash in his yellowish eyes.

"Briefly as he was heading down for breakfast."

"Alright. So maybe you can tell me what crawled up his ass and died there?"

Geralt shrugs his shoulders and resumes his shovelling motion.

"He didn't speak much."

"Exactly. Usually he at least spares a good morning. Not even that! He flipped me off this morning," Lambert adds for emphasis, because if Geralt is unwilling to see the severity of the situation then Lambert will make him see it.

"You probably had it coming."

"Beside the point, as usual, pretty boy. Eskel doesn't do shit like that."

"He's only human. Every man has a breaking point."

Lambert throws his hands up in the air dramatically and rolls his eyes at Geralt in an exasperated manner. How does the bard do it, Lambert wonders! It's like Geralt is doing his best to be dense.

"Fine! If you're no help, maybe papa Vesemir will know."

With those words, Lambert leaves the stables and heads straight for the library where he's sure to find the old man.

__________

"No Lambert, I haven't seen Eskel this morning," Vesemir informs him without looking up from the book he's reading, "though I heard him toss and turn all night."

"Probably why he went back to bed this morning after I saw him," Lambert muses. Vesemir looks up then, one eyebrow raised in question.

"Eskel went back to bed?" the old witcher asks, worry barely noticeable in his tone but Lambert just knows . "That's not like him."

"Exactly what I thought."

"Did he say anything to you when you saw him?"

Lambert describes their encounter to Vesemir and watches the man's frown deepen when Lambert mentions that Eskel didn't even bother to get dressed. So Lambert isn't crazy. It is odd seeing Eskel this way.

"This is peculiar," Vesemir comments when Lambert is done, "very peculiar. Did you three drink last night?"

"Nope." Lambert probably takes too much pride in that single statement. So what? He's not drank a drop in two days, where's his medal? "Nope, we all had an early night. Unless Eskel hides a stash of secret alcohol and fisstech from us. If he does, then Vesemir can you please tell him that it's rude not to share with his brothers?"

Vesemir rolls his eyes at that statement, but the worried frown doesn't subside. Lambert is starting to feel agitated himself. If Eskel isn't willing to talk to any of them, if he's intent on avoiding all of them, then how is Lambert supposed to help? Suddenly, an idea hits him.  He manages a quick "Be right back!" in Vesemir's general direction before he leaves the library. He takes the steps two by two and jumps down the last five before dashing to the stables once again. Geralt is long gone, but that doesn't matter. Lambert doesn't need pretty boy's help to carry out his plan.

__________

"Come on, you stupid son of a bitch," Lambert curses as he tries to tie a leash around Lil Bleater's neck, "your dad needs some goat loving!"

Lil Bleater bleats indignantly, then hisses and coughs at him. Lambert didn't even know goats could do that! Creatures from hell they are, he thinks to himself as he grabs Lil Bleater by the horns when she tries to headbutt him in the family jewels.

"You little shit! How are you so tame around Eskel? What does he do to earn your love, she-devil?"

Lil Bleater manages to dislodge her head from Lambert's grasp and once again aims straight for his nuts. Lambert is quick enough to dodge, the Goddess be blessed, and the goat catches him in the thigh instead. Behind him, Lambert hears Scorpion huff and nicker at his predicament. Lambert glares at the stallion over his shoulder.

"I swear to the Gods, you're no horse! Admit it! You're a person trapped in the body of a horse."

Scorpion whinnies in response, then turns his back on Lambert to eat his oats in peace. Lambert will maintain that Scorpion is no regular horse until the day he dies. That horse is far too clever for his own good! Lambert puts those thoughts to one side for the time being. He's got an angry goat to tame. Maybe he should get Geralt to help?

Lambert heaves a sigh. The things he'll do for his brother.

__________

Lambert resorts to using Axii to get the she-devil inside the keep, past Vesemir's attention and up the stairs to Eskel's room. Whatever it is that's troubling Eskel, Lambert is convinced that a cuddle from his faithful Lil Bleater will chase all the dark thoughts away. At least Lambert hopes it will. He's not sure how easily he can sneak a horse into the keep. Yes, Scorpion is his plan B. Your point?

When Lambert reaches Eskel's door, he lifts Axii and tightens his grip on the leash in case Lil Bleater attempts a flash escape. The goat takes several seconds to gather her wits and get her bearings, but to Lambert's surprise she doesn't bleat, or scream, or cough or hiss, when she sees him standing so close to her. Instead, she stares at Eskel's bedroom door and her little tail starts wagging furiously. Aha. So she's been here before, has she? Eskel, Eskel… what would papa Vesemir say?

Lambert knocks on the door, a small smile gracing his lips when he sees the goat bounce around him in excitement. Alright, even Lambert has to admit that the thing is cute when she's not trying to headbut him in the nuts.

"Eskel?"

"Go away," comes the muffled response.

"Alright I will, but first there's someone here who wants to see you."

Lil Bleater chooses this exact moment to let out a heartbroken bleat. Her human is right there, behind this very door, so why isn't she getting to see him yet? Lambert's grin grows when he opens the door and lets the goat run inside the room, heading straight for Eskel's bed. She leaps onto the mattress easily, like she's probably done countless times before. Eskel, who is currently buried under the covers, shifts when he feels Lil Bleater lick at his face. A large hand comes to pet her behind the ear, causing Lil Bleater's tail to wag even more energetically than before.

"Hey girl," Lambert hears Eskel greet her, the gravel in his voice completely gone, "hey, watcha doin' up here?"

"Let's just say uncle Lambert knew that her dad wasn't feeling up to human interaction today, so he thought he'd bring in the big guns."

Eskel peeks at Lambert over his shoulder and his expression softens. He still looks like shit - dark rings under his eyes, hair sticking out, and the funky smell in the room tells Lambert Eskel hasn't opened a window in, oh, probably decades. But despite all of this, there's a smile tugging at the edges of Eskel's lips when Lil Bleater insistently licks at his scars.

"Thank you," he whispers sincerely, "for understanding."

"Hey brother, what is family for? If you need us we'll be about the keep somewhere."

Eskel nods before curling up under the covers again. Lil Bleater finally settles as well and plops down next to Eskel, nestled in the warm spot created by Eskel pulling his legs halfway up to his chest in a foetal position. Lambert's smirk softens into a smile at the sight. Eskel and Lil Bleater, friends for life. Lambert gently closes the door behind him and gives the two some well-deserved privacy.

As Lambert heads downstairs again, whistling a happy tune on his way, he can't help but feel grateful that he doesn't have to resort to his plan B.