#i love seing notes in class thing so I did one!!

[fyloune-taylorsversion]

That was so fun to create!!

[loserlvrss]

꒰ 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐘 ꒱ 김선우

summary : little innocent, top student, you, suddenly gets partnered up with the one athlete everyone at your school is obsessed with, for a homework project that turns into much more

genre : mdni !! smut, fluff, some angsty thoughts (occasionally, for the plot) athlete!sunwoo x afab!reader, school!au, pwp (a little), inexperienced!reader, strangers to lovers tws : explicit sexual content, language, pet names, body worship, praise, dirty talk (but like nice), dom!sunwoo, slight orgasm denial, slight edging, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms (reader), almost dumbification (reader goes non-verbal for most of it), slight overstimulation, spitting in mouth (once), oral (reader), biting (once) author notes : did i get carried tf away? maybe (yes) word count : 5k

the harsh ultra-violet rays warmed your skin, sending a gentle goosebump-ridden pattern over it. you looked out ahead, watching as the soccer team practiced hard—almost daily now (only taking a break on wednesdays). a breeze passed through the air, weaving its way all around your body, which was wearing the school’s uniform loosely. you sighed, looking up to the wave of lustrously-green trees against the clear-blue sky. 

your body was relaxed, leaning ever-so-slightly back against the bleacher behind you. your hand came up when a particularly bright ray shined through the dark leaves of late spring and you blocked it. then, just as you were about to let it fall back down, your attention caught on one particular member of the team, when a shout of victory wafted into your ears: kim sunwoo. 

he was the main character of your daydreams, racing heartbeats, and physical ache. you knew it was stupid to be caught in his grasp, like the rest of the school was. you knew you weren’t special in the way you’d look at him longingly—so desperate for any kind of appraisal from the athlete. 

however, unlike the rest of the female (and male) population, you were contemptuous with your delusion over him. even if it was an unrequited love, you were closer with yourself—and schooling—in its result. your parents definitely weren’t complaining with your top-student status and class president tasks.

it seemed like a win-win, but still, you sometimes caught yourself wishing for more in the loneliness of the night; when your mind was the best at focusing on things it shouldn’t. you’d imagine things you’d rather keep in the depths of your archives. secrets you were prepared to take to the grave: everyone loved sunwoo, but no one knew you did as well.

the prejudice was that you were too caught up in said studies to even look up, especially not in his direction. you had only a couple of friends, ones you truly trusted with your life, and even they had no clue about your feelings for the soccer player.

you watched his celebration, a fist pumped into the air and a bright smile that caused a blush to litter your cheeks. In moments like these, you were glad he really had no idea you existed when you weren't standing right in front of him. he high-fived the team members, walking over to the sidelines and throwing a small towel over his shoulder. 

it was honestly a little pathetic the way you couldn't peel your eyes from the way his muscles strained against the spandex of the shirt, or the way the sweat would roll down his perfectly sun-kissed skin. the softness of the genuine smile that pressed against his mouth and up into his eyes, the ones that flirted so effortlessly with his slow and cool mannerisms. 

genuinely, when he looked so good, it made it hard for you to not drift off into another fantasy where he’d walk up to you and sweep you off your feet like a prince in a fairytale—and, he always looked this good. 

you huffed out a breath, one you weren’t even sure if you were holding or not, and crossed your legs over one-another. you narrowed your eyes (in some weird attempt to zoom in), swearing you could see the man of your dreams—and reality—walking in your direction. 

He flashed a devilish smile, you weren’t convinced was meant for you, breaking from the teammates he’d been walking with. his eyes met yours, and for a moment you thought you were asleep—or dead. 

frankly, you think this scenario would suit a chuckle from the athlete who watched your eyes go wide as he further approached.

he took a long drink from the bottle in his hand, holding said eye contact as he lightly swallowed. you mimicked him with a dry throat, admiring how his adamsapple bobbed with each gulp. 

he straddled the bench, setting his things between his open thighs. “y/n?” he asked as he raked a hand through his sweaty hair. you couldn’t look away, like a must-watch thriller that you’d spent your hard earned money on. you could feel the way your heart rattled your ribcage, just aching to escape and feel his against it. 

an audible hum left your lips in reply. you could feel the heat that radiated your features and spread throughout your body. and, you knew, despite opposition, that he could see its pink shade.  

the one-sided tension was suffocating. you shifted uncomfortably—or maybe in some desperate attempt to ease the ache—and clasped your hands together. then, once again, he smiled at you. your heart didn’t know whether to shatter or melt in the presence, which you’ve only been able to see up close a couple of times. 

“your place or mine?” 

you wouldn’t have believed the way your eyes could grow three-sizes larger than they already had previously. 

“w-what?” you choked out. 

he chuckled at your flustered state. “ms. park posted the partners for the group-projects.” he stated matter-of-factly. “and, guess what class president?” you all but asked what; gulping loudly, tensing your legs together, as well as your fingers and lips. “we’re partnered.” 

you wanted to play it cool, but the excitement at the revelation was fast-approaching. you’d never had the opportunity to see him outside of school—and granted, it was still over school-work but, a win was still a win in your book. 

“o-oh!” you ragged out along with a shaky breath. “right, i was waiting until after practice to ask you about it.”

you lied.

you had no idea that the groups were announced. you just spent your free-time on this bench pretending to do work often enough that it seemed reliable.

his eyebrows rose, like he could see right through your antics. it was honestly a little intimidating; or maybe that’s not exactly the right word to describe the feeling hot-spotted in you.

he glanced back at the field momentarily, watching the rest of his teammates leave the outlined grass. “whatever you say, class president, but i knew exactly where to find you… except on wednesdays.” the undertone was something you couldn’t read, just out of your depth, but still plunged you further into curiosity. “we’ll go to my place then, and i’ll shower while you get started. how’s that sound? practice is done anyways.”

you wanted to protest his offer, but there was something intoxicating about seeing his room and smelling the cologne that lingered in the air. the shampoo and body wash that would waft out to you. you’d dreamt about it, and simply, you wanted to see if it was anything like the picture you painted in your head.

“i can just meet you later—you can shower in peace.” you started to pull the phone from the bag at your side, opening it, and holding it in his direction. “maybe, in like two hours?”

he took hold of the machinery. “what’s the fun in that? you could’ve joined me if you got too bored.”

you laughed painfully, shifting once again at the heat between your thighs. you wanted to accept the offer more than anything, however you know you shouldn’t.

but, what was the fun in that?

“a shame.” he chuckled lightly, holding the phone back out to you after inputting his number and texting himself the address. “i’ll see you then, y/n.”

it was the exact house number you were now staring at, eyes shifting between the text on your screen and the apartment door. it had been a little over two-hours, you having to hype yourself up before you left. and you had decided to relax by taking a bath as well, getting a little carried away with your imagination—which ultimately caused you to be late as well—but, you didn’t think delinquent-athlete, sunwoo, would care all too much.

“you could’ve knocked,” you hadn’t realized the door was now open, revealing the dimly lit (because the curtains were closed and it was approaching 6pm) living space. “or called.”

“s-sorry. i wasn’t sure if this was the right place.” you watched as he moved aside, creating just enough room for you to brush past him, giving you an oh-so desired smell of his cologne.

you cursed yourself for getting so worked up over the little things he’d do, but now you were finding it hard to believe that that wasn’t his intention. he kept you coming back for more, and you were always eager.

“do you want any water?” he asked, watching your frame stand awkwardly in his living room. “my rooms over there, i have a couple of things for you.”

you choked again. “f-for me?”

he laughed. “to use on the poster, y/n.” and he mumbled something after that you weren’t able to catch.

your head panned as he walked to the kitchen, ears listening to the light rattle of glass cups and running water. you plastered your hands to one another politely, scanning over the couple pictures sunwoo did have laying about; his apartment only had the necessities. the few pictures were ones of a younger girl, who you assumed to be his little sister—who he obviously loved enough to display. but you thought there must’ve been more to them, to him, and deep down you knew you’d like to find out one day; to comfort him in his time of need. to be his.

sunwoo came back, two glasses in his hands as he motioned for the closed door on your left. “you can open it, i’ve got nothing to hide from you.”

you don’t know why those words made you blush, maybe it’s because they’re from him, and anything from the athlete is enough to send you reeling.

your hand trembled as it reached to the knob. “oh, okay.” you said, trying to block it with your body. “i was thinking we could start with reading the book a little bit more, to familiarize ourselves with the data before making the final draft. that’s if you don’t mind?”

the door swung against its hinges, making the site of a dark, but minimalistic room meet your view. you took in the smell of cologne, but it didn’t seem to be overpowering like he had just sprayed it around carelessly. his bed was neatly made, black sheets and black pillows placed meticulously: as if a house keeper had been around to do it for him.

he placed the glasses against the wood of his nightstand, a charger and lamp being the only other decor on it.

he pressed the lamp and illuminated the room just a little more. “not confident, class president?”

“that’s not it,” you blurted out, his brows knit and arms crossed as he awaited your explanation. you could barely look in his direction, biting your tongue to not say: i just get flustered enough to forget around you.

“i, uh, it’s just that… nevermind. let’s begin!”

he huffed out another laugh, his actions too fast for you to process as his hands met your shoulders, pushing you to sit on his bed.

your eyes seemed to be in a perpetually widened state, but you found it telling that you put up no protest. the bag on your back made it into your lap, and you unzipped it, taking out multiple pens, markers and whatnot to make a decent poster. sunwoo had grabbed a paper, putting it on the floor and holding out his book for you to take. your hands brushed as you accepted it, and it sent a shiver up your spine.

you began to lay a couple of your class-taken notes onto his bedding, and sunwoo made his way around to the other side. he plopped down onto his stomach, making you bounce slightly.

“you know, class prez, people think you’re scary. you’re always studying, you barely look up, and when you do it’s to tell people off because they’re interrupting said studying.” you tried to read over the notes, but found it hard to ignore the harmonies within his voice. and that your leisure-clothes were getting too warm around your skin. “but they don’t know you, i guess. you’re smart but i bet you know how to have, at least, a little fun, don’t you? and, it’s no secret the school thinks your looks are top-tear. it’s just a shame you reject everyone that asks you out. it’s a waste of your time, i presume. anyways, that’s enough. let’s get started, shall we?”

“w-why?” you asked in such a hushed breath that sunwoo barely heard it. and if he lived with anyone else, or if a car or plane went by at the perfect time, he wouldn’t have. “why is that a shame?”

“because you are beautiful, y/n.”

fuck your clothes, your skin was getting too hot against you. your breath was labored, and now the words on the paper were congregating. you couldn’t focus with sunwoo next to you, and that’s exactly what you feared.

why’d you have to ask? curiosity did kill the cat.

the way you shifted didn’t go unnoticed by the athlete and he let out a chuckle that should just be his signature at this point.

he sat up now, burning his eyes into the side of your head. “what’s wrong, y/n?” he asked, but you refused to look away from the notes, even if you couldn’t get your mind to read them. “has no one ever called you that before?”

you bit your lip, thumbs ripping at the skin around the nail. truthfully, yes, one person has called you that, but it didn’t feel the same as when he did it. sunwoo made your heart beat out of your chest, breath leave your lungs so fast it made you lightheaded. he made you weak in the knees, like you were just jelly to begin with, melting in the sun.

you felt a soft hand reach across you, taking the farthest cheek within his palm and focusing your vision towards himself.

his skin felt like fire against you, but even this smallest touch made you crave more, made you need him in a more than innocent way. and, you were starting to believe his intentions were exactly the same as yours.

your eyes finally focused at the feeling on his hand sliding to rest against the side of your neck, as if he was caressing it, running his thumb over your windpipe gently.

you’d never seen sunwoo so close to your face, but you had imagined it, and it was nothing in comparison. he was beyond beautiful, a sight to see: tan skin untainted by pores and blemishes, soft features like his lips that contradicted, but complimented shaper ones such as his eyes and nose. he was the perfect harmony in your opinion, the perfect—

“god, y/n. i must be crazy.” he broke you from your admiration, breath hitting your lips. “would you treat me any different from the guys who have asked you out in the past?”

god, yes.

your stomach was beyond knots now, the whole damn zoo being let loose. your hands were gripping the sheets at the anticipation that seemed to be agonizing enough to kill you where you sat. in reality, sunwoo wasn’t even doing anything, but he had you at his fingertips, and you weren’t convinced you couldn’t pass out right now.

“fuck, maybe i am crazy…” his eyes flicked to your lips momentarily. “do you want this? i know i’d be interrupting your studying, class president.”

and you don’t know where your confidence came from, but the way you closed the gap was desperate. however, sunwoo put up no protest, and quickly gained control over the situation.

his other palm pulled you by your cheek to deepen the kiss. well, that was until he had enough of the angle you were sat at and gripped your thigh to fully get you onto his bed.

he was a good kisser, a great one in fact, and it made you crave his lips in other places to experience the full effect.

now he was pushing your body by your lower back, trying to get you as close to him a possible, and as if you could read minds, you threw your leg over him to straddle his lap.

he broke the kiss. “good girl.” he said before reconnecting with the skin on your neck, and smiling against it when he heard you whine quietly. you could feel him growing hard underneath you, and wondered if he’d take this all the way, wondered if he wanted you like that. “you do want this, don’t you?”

inside your head you couldn’t help thinking that maybe you weren’t desirable, maybe he was only doing this to prove a point: that the whole school was within his grasp. maybe it was to brag tomorrow, as locker room chatter before soccer practice, because why would sunwoo like you outside of your delusions?

his arms caged you against him, stoping all minor movements and actions. he looked into your eyes, and for a moment it’s like the world had ceased. the only thing you could hear was the thumping within your own chest and the echoes of your doubts.

“do you want me, sunwoo?”

he kissed your lips gently—almost lovingly—before stating. “more than anything right now.”

and you wanted to ask if it was only right now that he wanted you, but you couldn’t will that to leave your lips, as his eyes locked onto your own, mixing like watercolor.

you’d wanted him to want you for a long time, so you hoped it wasn’t only now that he felt the same.

“are you okay?”

your palms now laid against his cheeks, biting your bottom lip, half-nervously and half from feeling his hands curve where the seams of your thighs met the underside of your ass. you pulled him quickly back to you, breaking away only to mumble a quiet yes before being fully taken over by your lust.

he flipped you over quickly, and you found comfort between his soft pillows and blanket. he pushed your thighs apart, slotting himself in between to attach back on your already swollen lips.

his voice came out in a hushed tone, only for you. “class prez, has anyone had you like this? have they seen how perfect you look with messy hair and puffy lips? i bet you’d look so cute crying, wouldn’t you?” you whimpered at the words—the thought—you wanted him to think you were cute, attractive in any way, it was human nature after all; and everything about this was primal. “how far do you want me to go?”

your voice was once again barely audible over your own heartbeat. “whatever you want.”

“yeah, you’d like that wouldn’t you?”

you were beginning—ignoring all previous warnings—to feel overwhelmed, his tongue sending you into overdrive. you didn’t know what to do as you felt him ghost his lips on your collar bone, then down over your chest, eventually landing at your stomach. he pushed the fabric up, latching down onto your hip bone, which had you shifting to get any sort of friction on your core.

all his minuscule teasing was actually beginning to feel painful, but he got the hint. you knew he would.

sunwoo grabbed at the waistband on your pants, looking up to you for reassurance, but you just lifted your hips to make it easier for him. he chuckled, pulling both of the fabrics blocking you from him down.

you heard him mumble something along the lines of pretty as he placed open-mouth kisses against your inner thighs.

one thing about sunwoo is that he left you no room to feel self-conscious or embarrassed. he knew how to love you right, (you didn’t want to know why that was) and was determined to show you that.

you might not have believed this was something more than locker-room chatter, but now…

you moaned when he finally attached to your aching clit, sucking gently before alternating between kissing and licking at your slit. your hand covered your mouth out of embarrassment at the sounds that you couldn’t stop from making. truthfully, the last (and only) guy you were with didn’t even make you finish, so you didn’t have to worry about being too loud—or god forbid, annoying.

but, sunwoo hated that you weren’t letting him hear how good he was doing. he wanted the praise just at much as you did, nonetheless he let you continue. he’d let you until you were completely at his mercy, malleable under his touch. he’d let you because that made you comfortable.

and, to be honest, it still fueled his ego.

“c-close,” you managed to mumble through your fingers, eyes squeezed shut and head lulled back. “woo, please?”

and that fact that you had asked him almost made him cum untouched. so, you were his? he thought to himself, before he groaned into your pussy at the feeling of your fingers attaching to his hair, only adding to your pleasure.

the hands squeezing your plush thighs pulled you closer to his face, close enough to suffocate, but he’d die a happy man.

he continued to eat you out like a starved man, only bedrudgingly pulling away right before you had the chance to properly orgasm.

“w-wait!” you tried to push him back, frantically searching for the edge you were just about to topple off. “w-wh—sunwoo, fuck, d-don’t stop. please.”

tears were pricking your eyes out of frustration—the whole thing being so emotionally and vulnerably charged, you weren’t sure you could hold them back. then, shivers were sent throughout your shaking body as he soothed over your sides and stomach with his hands, lips back to their spot on your thighs.

he propped himself up, staring down at the godly figure he never truly thought you’d let him see. and after a minute, you got embarrassed at the strong gaze on your glistening core; your knees coming together.

his fingers slotted between them, pulling your legs apart. “don’t hide from me, baby. you’re so beautiful—god, all for me, right?”

you whined, quickly sitting up and reaching out for anything he’d give you.

sunwoo kissed your lips again, keeping you at his level with a hand on the small of your back and one gripping the hem of your shirt. you were dizzy from the taste of yourself on him, sunwoo only breaking apart to get the fabric up, and fully over your head. he took off your bra and suddenly the realization that you were fully naked in front of the prized soccer captain, while he was fully clothed, sunk in.

you whined again, too drunk off him to formulate anything coherent. he laughed at how desperately you were pawing at his sweats. “what’s wrong?”

you looked up at him. “fuck me?” and if your eyes weren’t the definition of puppy-dog, he didn’t know what was.

he smiled, grabbing your wrist. “patience, baby. i’ll give you what you want.”

you fell back again, opting to obey him because you were honestly too far gone to come up with anything else to do.

and he did, taking off his sweats, along with the rest of his clothes and pressing his body to yours. his lips were connected back to you and you clawed at his shoulders—anything to ground yourself—while his held your torso down firmly.

he looked between your bodies as he lined himself with your entrance. your head was thrown back, and he pressed a chaste kiss to the middle of your neck before mumbling. “you are pretty when you cry, y/n.” and pushing in slowly.

the stretch only burned for a minute until you moaned almost embarrassingly loud with each shallow thrust. a hand instinctively come up to hide them away. but, that only lasted so long until sunwoo intertwined his fingers with yours, pushing them into the bed on either side of your head.

“don’t hide them, baby,” he sighed against your lips. “please.”

and, whether you wanted to or not, you didn’t have a choice. the noises fell freely from your lips into his shoulder, as he sucked and nipped at your neck again.

“i-is it good?” you could barely hear him, your ears ringing with pleasure; was it good? is he stupid?

you choked on a chuckle, feeling him angle himself just perfectly inside you to brush against your g-spot. “holy fuck,”

“right there, baby?” he did it again, taking notes and storing them away in the back of his mind. your head lulled back again, and he watched your face contort, mouth falling open. “does it feel good?” you couldn’t reply, his thrusts only getting harder after that.

you could feel the band in your stomach tightening, and you feared you wouldn’t even be able to tell him you were getting so close, so fast—too fast.

but, somewhere deep-down, he already knew.

“fuck, you feel so good, y/n.” he sighed, lips ghosting over yours. “i must be the luckiest man in the world, right?” it was rhetorical, but even if you felt the need to answer, all that was coming out of your mouth was moans, groans, and mewls. “perfect body—fuck—perfect personality, perfect pussy, perfect fucking mouth,” he grabbed your chin, your free hand now going to clutch into the skin on his arm. his eyes met your tear-filled, and blurry ones. “open your mouth,”

there was a fire within you when you did as he said, mouth falling open. he spat on your tongue, and you didn’t know whether you came right then or just flat-out died.

“swallow it,” he said—no, demanded—almost making it an impossible task by putting his fingers into your mouth, pushing them to the back of your throat, and making you gag around him. he felt you clench harder at the act. “gonna fuck this throat one day, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

you would.

but, he was spewing heated words into a brick wall. “you’re mine, right?” he asked, taking his saliva-covered fingers from your mouth and bringing them between your bodies.

the moment his fingers landed on your clit, your eyes rolled to the back of your head. the hand that was still intertwined with his was losing circulation from how hard your were gripping it, and the other was scratching his perfect skin hard enough to bleed.

no one had ever made you feel so cold, yet so fucking warm at the same time. nothing you've ever experienced has been as intense and kim sunwoo; the delinquent soccer player. you feared no one could ever make you feel like this again.

so, of course you were his.

“look at me, y/n.” he whispered, kissing along your jaw gently—in contrast to the heavy and hard thrusts he kept at a steady rhythm. “c’mon, y/n, be a good girl. please.”

you felt the impending desire to now, head leveling. his forehead then came to rest against it, fighting off your urge to let it roll back again.

he pecked your lips between sentences. “mine, right?” god, he kept asking an obvious question. “be mine, okay? cum for me,” he circled your clit faster, determined to make you finish one last time. “i got you.”

his voice alone was enough to make you topple over the edge, your noises raising a couple octaves. your vision went white, body convulsing under sunwoo, who kept his eyes on your face the entire time; in awe of you. he fucked you through it of course, mumbling praises, before the overwhelming feeling of fire bloomed between you two; disguised by overstimulation.

you mewled. “woo, p-please stop.” he kissed you quiet, slowing down. but, you didn’t actually want him to stop. “h-hurts… just a little,”

his hand intertwined with yours again. “being such a good girl—taking it so well. just a little more, okay? i promise,” he sighed, feeling the way your walls clenched him in, barely letting him pull out, only causing him to thrust harder. “almost there, y/n, where do you want it?”

your legs caged him against you. “fill me up, please.” and you weren’t above begging for it, especially not in a state of post-euphoria. “cum in me.”

he threw his head back momentarily, fighting off a strong urge to start a second round. how in gods name did he get so lucky? he thought to himself, bringing his forehead back to yours.

he locked eyes onto you. “yeah?” you nodded slightly, eyes full of tears you didn’t know if you’d shed. “gonna be so good and take it all?”

you moaned when he started grinding against you, your clit being stimulated by his pubic-bone.

“could fuck you forever.” he admitted. “do you want me to?”

you spewed out a quiet yes, and if you didn’t know any better you’d think he was being serious—maybe he was. you were too far gone to even begin guessing.

he kissed you again, desperately fighting your tongue with his. he continued to kiss down your jaw and into your neck, leaving glistening marks in his wake. he sucked on your collarbone, finding a sweet-spot you didn’t even know you had, and biting down for a second. your mouth fell open in a silent scream, an orgasm you didn’t even know was there, washing over you.

sunwoo just kept forcing you to learn about yourself—you guess, it’s a good thing you’ve always been known for studying, isn’t it?

your intense orgasm triggered his, a soft groan leaving his lips as uneven thrusts made sure you both were fully satisfied.

you felt fuzzy, brain completely melted under his touch. your heavy breathing mixed with his, his body fully collapsing from exhaustion. however, his weight wasn’t enough to suffocate you, so you let him stay where he was, breaking your hand from his and threading it into his damp hair.

the silence was loud—heartbeats intertwined—as you both came down, the reality about to set in.

would he push you away after this? did he even mea—

“i meant it, by the way.” your eyebrows creased. you weren’t even sure if you had imagined that. and, if you didn’t feel the rumbling of his chest on yours as he spoke, you might’ve believed it was only in your head. “be mine, okay?”

little did he know, you already were.

you whispered out a reply. “okay.”

reblogs, likes and comments are greatly appreciated! thank u!

— tag list .ᐟ send an ask to be added c:

— back to masterlist .ᐟ

[thoughtidtry]

Dress pt.1 - LN

SUMMARY: Lando's best friend can't keep pretending he's not her everything. Not after missing seeing him in person for so long. PAIRING: Lando Norris X LongDistanceBestfriendfem!reader A/N: Inspired by Lando's race win and song Dress by Taylor Swift. First time publishing my fanfics so I’d love to hear what you think! Almost 2K..... I'll do a pt.2 cause I still have more thoughts on Lando with this song. Part: 1 2 3

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Our secret moments in a crowded room. They got no idea about me and you"

Lando couldn't stop smiling at his phone in the paddock, not when you were the one texting him. All the drivers knew about his best friend, who they never got to meet.

"She's a busy person"

He would declare anytime they teased him about meeting you or asked if you were coming to a race. It wasn't that he didn't want you to come or that he didn't want you to meet the other drivers, more he didn't want to share your time. He wasn't lying to them per se you were busy and had moved to America for university as soon as you both had graduated secondary school. It didn't matter he had never actually invited you to a race.

"I'm spilling wine in the bathtub. You kiss my face and we're both drunk"

He could remember the night or well day you left like it was yesterday. The night before your flight, he had stayed over to spend as much time with you as possible. The giggles you made sneaking back into your room after your parents had gone to bed were almost as intoxicating as the wine you had brought back. You both stayed up drinking and reminiscing over the years you had spent together.

Somehow you had both ended up in the bathroom attached to your room. Too drunk to sit let alone stand, you had made yourself comfortable in the bathtub while he was seated beside you leaning up against it. He doesn't remember what was said or how it happened, but he will never forget how soft your lips felt against his or how you sighed after the kiss with a dopey grin as if a weight had been lifted off your chest.

The next morning he woke up in your bed but you were nowhere to be seen. A note on the bedside table along with some pain meds was all that was left.

Tried to wake you to say bye before my flight, but you wouldn't wake up. I don't know how much we drank but I've got a killer headache and can't remember anything so thanks for that. Text me when you wake! Love, Y/N

You had always kept in contact but he never would tell you what happened that night. He didn't want to lose you even if that kiss would haunt him every time he closed his eyes. You managed the time difference well, never judging the other for being up or asleep at random times throughout the day.

Late-night calls when you wanted to tell him something funny between classes changed to funny things your friends had done once you graduated from university. Even the early morning drunken messages he'd get around the time he woke up were moments he cherished. He missed having you next to him. Wished you would come home, but you have your life now in America and found a good job after university.

"All of this silence and patience. Pinning and desperately waiting"

Little did Lando know, the other drivers had stolen his phone and gotten your number long ago just waiting for the right moment to use it. Daniel was the first to reach out and introduce himself explaining Lando had wanted to let you know his phone had died.

You had shrugged it off, with how much Lando talked about the other driver it didn't seem that surprising to you that Lando had given your number to him. It was no surprise to Daniel how friendly and kind you were, but how smart you were was a shock. He never would have imagined their little Lando was friends with a lawyer.

Carlos and Oscar followed soon after hearing more about you from Daniel. They both said they wanted to get some stories of Lando as a kid to make fun of him so they begged Daniel for your number and to not tell Lando. You had a laugh retelling stories to them both that you knew Lando would be embarrassed about.

Max and Charles on the other hand had respected Lando's privacy when it came to you until they were added to a group chat with you made by Oscar without Lando's knowledge.

You didn't speak to the other drivers much in the group chat so you had forgotten it existed most of the time. They would send you pictures of Lando doing goofy things every once in a while, but that was about it. Never once did you think to mention it to Lando, it was a little secret look into his world and the photos gave you a way to know he was having fun. They reminded you of all the good times you both had shared together.

"Flashback when you met me. Your buzzcut and my hair bleached. Even in my worst times, you could see the best in me."

Secondary school hadn't started out easily for you, having moved away from all of your primary school friends. As a farewell, you all decided to color each other's hair. You had ended up a platinum blonde which made you stand out even more on the first day of school. Making new friends was hard at first. Most of the time you felt alone in a sea of unfamiliar faces.

It was probably the worst time of your life looking back. At least until a boy with a cheeky grin and sassy comebacks made it his mission to befriend you. At first, you didn't know what to make of the boy. Turned out his friend group had done something similar to yours but had buzzed all their hair off instead of dyeing it. He saw the girl with good grades who sat alone every day not as a freak like everyone else but as someone worth taking a chance on. You had no right to fall as fast as you did, but you couldn't help it. He was funny, kind, and well perfect.

"Flashback to my mistakes. My rebounds, my earthquakes. Even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me."

As secondary school went on, Lando changed, not as a person but physically. No longer was he the straggly, small, buzzcut kid. He got taller, grew his hair out, and even became charming in a way you would never have imagined. Looking back he could remember getting his first girlfriend and how excited he was only to have his heartbroken.

He dated around more from then on, never getting attached to another girl. By developing a confident and flirtatious appearance he could avoid being hurt again. It worked on everyone as he gained popularity, everyone except you. You saw him for who he really was, always there to catch him when the mask slipped off and he shattered on the ground. Something he would always appreciate you for.

"All of this silence and patience. Pinning and anticipation"

When the drivers had first approached you with their plan you were skeptical.

Would he even want to see me after all this time?

You thought. You two had always talked about meeting again but your schedules never aligned. He always had a race or you had a case that you couldn't miss. They talked about how Lando had seemed down the last couple of weeks while you had been busy with a case, how they thought he missed you, and that they had a race in America soon. Blowing care to the wind you agreed. How could you miss the chance to see him again?

Clutching the hem of your shirt as you walked into the paddock for the first time, Daniel was waiting past security to show you around. Oscar had been able to pull some strings and get you a Race Day VIP pass without Lando knowing. You texted in the group chat and Daniel had been sent to come get you so Lando wouldn't notice. He couldn't stop talking about how excited he was to see the look on Lando's face as you two walked.

"Say my name and everything just stops. I don't want you like a best friend."

Soon enough Lando's laughter fills the air as Carlos holds his shoulder while bending over in laughter as well. You stood still for a moment watching to carve this memory of him into your mind before moving closer.

You smiled a bit to yourself, he was always the life of the party, always finding a way to make everyone around him laugh, and as always oblivious to his surroundings. He was still the same Lando you had fallen for all those years ago.

"Hey, Lan."

You said once you were a few feet away. Lando froze for a moment before turning around to look at you in shock. He couldn't believe you were here. Really here standing in the paddock only a few feet away next to Daniel of all people. He decided he didn't care how it happened only that it did.

Your hands started to shake as he stared at you. You wanted to hug him, kiss him, do something, but you were stuck. Stuck looking at him with hope in your eyes that he would say something, do something. Anything.

Carlos chucked at Lando's state before patting him on the back.

"Well, are you just gonna stand there? You know it took a lot of planning to get her here."

Lando snapped out of his trance, looking in between Carlos and you before breaking out in a sprint straight for you with the biggest smile on his face. He lifted you up by the waist spinning around with you in his arms.

It felt so good to have you in his arms again after all this time. At that moment, he realized it didn't matter how long it had been you were his home and he wasn't gonna let you go again.

[foodiegoogie]

what friends are for

sirius black x fem!reader ✮ 3.95k summary: you’re an overthinker at its finest; sirius is an overdoer when it comes to saving you from you and your thoughts. cw/tags: no use of y/n, highschool!au, biker!sirius (mentioned), too long for its own good,, nothing too heavy <3 also the teachers r still called professors here bcoz yes !

note: DAMN FINALLY ive finished this 😭 tho its still a little too long for my taste .. i am kinda proud of this :> this was a recycled thoma request, but since i kind of serve to the marauders audience now,, i decided to give it to sirius 🥰 happy reading! 🫶🏼

Having an overly active brain was both a blessing, and a curse. You loved your creativity and intelligence, and they definitely showed in your report cards. What you didn't like was how often you thought about simple, small matters, and then thought about it some more, and then some more after that. You were an overthinker at its finest. Everyone who knew you well enough would agree that you were a non-stop thinking machine, and they all hoped you would cut yourself some slack and give yourself a break.

“That’s easier said than done,” you’d say to them. Oh, what you wouldn't give to stop being a self-sufficient, but also self-pitying brainiac! 

But, as they all say, old habits die hard. That is why here you are, in class, watching your teacher collect your test papers and slowly getting into the routine of asking yourself the questions—the what-ifs, did-Is, and the like. 

You were bouncing your leg up and down restlessly while chewing on your bottom lip, looking very deep in thought, when you felt something hit your head lightly. A crumpled ball of paper landed in your point of view, breaking you out of the trance from overthinking. Picking it up, you opened it and smoothed it out to see what was written inside. 

You look like you just murdered someone and are now burdened by your guilty conscience.

Despite your sour mood, you managed to let out a snort and a soft smile after reading the line. You could recognize the flawlessly cursive handwriting anywhere; it belonged to your good friend, Sirius Black. And knowing him, you knew better than to come up with a snarky reply and retaliate. Getting caught chit chatting with someone like him during class hours could land you in detention, especially now that the teacher inside your classroom was the one and only Physics Terror, Professor McGonagall.

So, you crumple the piece of paper back into its ball shape, and stuff it into your backpack. A few seconds later, you feel something hit your head again. The culprit? Yet another crumpled ball of paper, now sitting on your desk. Letting curiosity get the best of you, you open it up and read what's written.

Ok, rude? Guess you can forget about getting my help cuz I know a good place to bury a body :)

Softly chuckling to yourself, you shook your head and wondered why you were even friends with someone as bizarre as Sirius while you put the crumpled paper in your bag. For a while, you didn’t feel anything light hit your head like you expected. But just as you were about to spiral into another endless stream of self-doubt, you were hit again with a crumpled ball of paper. 

Slowly, you turned around in your seat to glare at Sirius. You meet his eyes doing the same thing, and then gesturing impatiently at you to open the piece of paper he just threw at you. You stuck your tongue out at him out of spite before finally opening the piece of paper.

Y R U NOT TAKING ME SERIOUSLY?!

The sentence was written in bold black letters, underlined a bunch of times, and the punctuation marks at the end were twice the size of the letters. Having read the ridiculous note, you let out what might have been the loudest cackle you have ever let out in your highschool life.

You hear your name called out loudly by Professor McGonagall, in a stern tone that could only mean one thing for you. It felt absolutely mortifying to have your classmates' eyes on you, seeing their pity and amusement appear on their faces. 

"You'll be seeing Mr. Filch for detention after class," She said, zeroing in on you with her piercing glare. If looks could kill, you'd have been dead in your seat by now, and Sirius could use his knowledge of good places to bury dead bodies so he could bury yours. "I hope you'll learn your lesson in your time with him." 

"I will, Professor," You replied, the embarrassment reflecting in your voice.  Great—not only were you unsure about your grade for this class, but now you had one more thing to be worried about, as well as overthink about.

Unable to take on your classmates’ pitying looks on you, you crossed your arms on your desk and laid your head down against them, hiding your face from the prying eyes of your classmates. You could not handle any more humiliations. But you also thought that nothing could possibly be worse than the situation you put yourself in.

Then, you were proven wrong.

All of a sudden, you heard your classmates murmuring around you. Lifting your head up to see what was going on, you saw a paper plane glide smoothly through the air before it landed perfectly on the stack of test papers Professor McGonagall was currently grading. 

To some of your classmates, what happened afterward took less than a minute. But to the rest, including yourself, it seemed like eternity with how carefully Professor McGonagall dropped her pen, and took off her glasses. She picked up the paper plane and opened it up, narrowing her eyes at whatever was written inside. Unfortunately, none of you ever knew what was written inside. But you all knew that it wasn't any good, judging by the twitch in her eye and the frown on her face.

"Who does this belong to?" She asked, her displeasure clearly heard in her voice and seen in the glare she gives everyone in the room. A beat passes, and suddenly everyone is pointing fingers to someone sitting at the back of the classroom. 

Though you had a hunch on who it was they were pointing at, you hoped that you were wrong; that it turned out to be some other classmate of yours who had rotten luck just like you. Then, you were proven wrong… again.

You turned around in your seat just in time to meet the mischievous eyes of your raven-haired friend. He even took the time to throw you a playful wink before clearing his throat dramatically. 

"Good morning, Professor,” Sirius began, his hand closed in a fist like it was holding something near his mouth. “This is your captain speaking. It seems like my aeroplane experienced turbulence and crashed in your area. Terribly sorry, rookie mistake! Rest assured that I'll comply with whatever punishment you subject me to for the matter." 

"In that case, good, because you'll be serving detention alongside your classmate here," Professor McGonagall nods in your direction. "I hope you'll both learn something about rudely disrupting the peace and quiet during class hours with unnecessary distractions." She smiled, although anyone could tell it wasn't to be kind. Then, she returned to her previously interrupted task of grading test papers.

Rolling your eyes, you sighed. Of course, he'd get himself into trouble, you thought. You turned to look at him, catching his attention, and mouthed the words, "What'd you do that for?"

Sirius shrugged in reply, a cheeky smile on his face before mouthing the word, "You."

—

Genuinely, you have always wondered how you managed to land yourself a place in Sirius’ life as one of his closest friends. It was one of the things you’ve thought about over and over, but have never really gotten to the bottom of. Nevertheless, you will always be grateful for having a friend like him, even if he does give you a headache sometimes.

It turns out that serving detention wasn’t as bad as you expected it to be, having been assigned under Mr. Filch’s orders of tending to the flora and fauna stored in the school greenhouses. In fact, you were actually kind of enjoying it, and Sirius being with you totally wasn’t a part of the reason why. 

“You know, this actually isn’t so bad,” He remarked, spraying the lavenders with some water, a faint smile on his face. “I thought we’d be somewhere organizing Sprout’s herb collection or something.”

You laugh at his statement, “Not gonna lie, I expected something boring, too. But this is pretty nice.” You beamed at him, looking away from where you’d been adjusting potted plants accordingly where the sunlight was hitting. 

“Who knew we’d be so good at gardening?” 

“I know, right?” 

Sirius chuckled in reply, and you joined in with him, taking the time to look at him before returning to your task. He looked especially handsome whenever he laughed; eyes crinkled by the edges with amusement, his pearly whites on perfect display as he smiled. It also certainly didn’t help that on top of the black leather jacket he wore, he was wearing an apron, and a bandana tied around his hair which pushed it back to act as a headband, revealing his forehead which glistened with a thin layer of sweat. 

Sirius Black looked ridiculously handsome, and you didn’t need to think twice about that, because it was a well-known fact.

At that moment, you were so caught up in staring at him that Sirius caught you in action. It was already too late to look away and feign indifference for you as a smirk had started to make its way onto his face.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” He practically purred, his voice taking on a deeper, more flirtatious tone than usual. Your brain loses its ability to function momentarily before you quickly wracked your mind for a snarky retort. 

“How original,” You quipped, trying to hide your momentary lapse in brain function at his unexpected tone. Sirius lets you get away with it, hiding a subtle smile of amusement to himself. 

Turning back to a pot of chrysanthemums you’d neglected briefly, you decide to change the topic. “So I was just wondering,” You began, a curious lilt to your voice. “What’d you write on that paper plane you flew to Professor McGonagall?” You queried as you turned to face him again, placing your hand on your hip.

“Oh, psh, that old thing?” Sirius waved it off dismissively as he wrapped up with his task of watering the flowers. “Just a little piece of an opinion I’ve been meaning to tell her.” 

“And just what was it you were meaning to tell her?” 

Before he answered your question, he took the time to take his bandana off, wiping the sweat off his forehead with it. Then, he fixed his hair - running a hand through it and ruffling it up slightly. Inwardly, you had to admit, you almost forgot what you were talking about as you shamelessly watched him be… hot; and like he knew the effect it had on you—which he most likely did—he smirked at you. Again. 

“I told her that dogs were better than cats,” Sirius smiled wickedly. 

You gasped in horror. “No, you did not.” 

“Oh, yes I did,” He said as-a-matter-of-factly.

“You know how she feels about cats, Sirius!” 

“Precisely the point, darling.”

To some, it would seem like something off of a controversial debate, like if pineapples belong on pizza for example. But to everyone who really knew Professor McGonagall well, saying things like that was just a recipe for disaster—with disaster meaning serving detention, of course.

“No wonder you ended up here,” You shook your head in disbelief at him. 

“Buuut, like I said, it’s not so bad here,” Sirius opposed, untying his apron from the back and behind his neck. “Plus, I’ve got good company.” He winked at you before hanging the apron on one of the hooks attached to the wall of the greenhouse.

You didn’t— no, couldn’t reply to him, seeing how you were caught off guard with what he said. But it wasn’t like Sirius wasn’t good company for you, no. There was never a dull moment with him by your side. In fact, if it were someone else you were stuck with in detention, you wouldn’t have agreed with him earlier that serving it wasn’t so bad. And frankly speaking, if serving detention just meant extra time to hang out with Sirius Black, then you wouldn’t mind disrupting the peace and quiet of class hours every now and then.

Though that would certainly look bad on your report cards, so you mentally chastise yourself for even entertaining the thought. But you couldn’t deny that there was some truth behind it, at least. Or more than some.

“Let me walk you home?” Sirius asked as he regarded you with a certain gentleness in his grey eyes. You felt like melting on the spot, right then and there, as he lingered by the doorway to the greenhouse, waiting for your answer. 

But you managed to pull yourself together, and smiled at him. “Sure.”

—

On some days, you would have just taken the school bus home, and Sirius would have just gone on his motorbike. Though in the past, he’d asked you countless times if he could give you a ride home, of course, because it was quicker and more cost-efficient than taking the public transport. But with the way your face blanched at his offering, and the way you kept spewing facts upon facts about how motorbike riding was dangerous (Sirius tried to reassure you that it wasn’t for very obvious reasons), he settled for walking you home instead. 

While that had quickly become an almost regular occurrence for the both of you, Sirius always made sure to ask you first, despite the fact that he would have to go back for his motorbike parked at the school after. Knowing this, you tried very hard to kindly refuse him at first. But over time, you found yourself saying yes without a second thought.

At the same time, you refrain yourself from giving it much thought. It was simply a kind gesture from a really good friend of yours, and that was that. 

A devilishly handsome, fiercely loyal, and incredibly caring… friend of yours. 

Walking home with Sirius never fails to make you feel better after a long day at school. The both of you are instantly engaged in meaningful conversation, debriefing the events that occurred during the day. You like to think it’s a mandatory routine by how often you do it, how often it happens, and how natural it feels. It’s definitely one of, or maybe the best way to de-stress and relax after spending a whole day just studying and working. 

If only he could keep the teasing to a minimum, though. 

“I’m just saying, you know,” Sirius said, shrugging nonchalantly as he walked beside you. “You didn’t have to laugh that hard.” 

You scoff in disbelief, the sarcastic reply bubbling up in your throat. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you liked it whenever I laugh at your jokes?” 

“Never said I didn’t, love,” He responded, voice softening at the term of endearment used. “But you could’ve been saved from Minnie’s wrath if you hadn’t done that evil cackle of yours that you call a ‘laugh.’” Sirius chuckled slightly as he spoke, reminding you both of your embarrassment. 

“Okay, first of all, rude,” You shot him a half-hearted glare, a smile threatening to come alive on your lips. “And second of all, it’s your fault that I accidentally laughed out loud during class.”

Sirius scoffed immediately, taking full offense as he turned away from you. “‘Accidentally,’ she says.” 

“What? It’s true!” 

“So I suspect you must have ‘accidentally’ found me funny, too?” He air-quoted. 

You let out a sigh, feeling exasperated and slightly frustrated by his consistently witty replies. It seemed like Sirius never ran out of energy when it came to your banter, filled with incessant teasing (coming from Sirius himself most of the time, of course) and lighthearted jabs at each other. But even with your patience increasingly wearing thin with him, you found yourself looking forward to the banter every time. In spite of his knack for getting on your nerves more often than not, you liked sharing it with him. It was almost as if it was something only you and Sirius shared - intimate and unique to your dynamic.

“Whatever, Sirius,” You settled for a dismissive response eventually, rolling your eyes as you did so. Though you knew that he would take the piss out of you again for your lack of a snarky retort.

But to your surprise, the boy only chuckled in amusement, kicking a few pebbles and leaves out of the way as the two of you continued to walk. You didn’t think much of it, passing it off as a likely thing for people to do when they walk on sidewalks riddled with objects in the way. 

(But little did you know about Sirius’ true intentions, though.)

After a moment of comfortable silence, you decided to speak up again. 

“Hey, so I was wondering—”

Sirius interrupts with a snort of laughter. “When are you not?” “Please shut up and let me finish.” “Alright, alright. I’m sorry,” he said. Though with the ever so present smirk on his face, and the hint of mirth in his eyes, you couldn’t tell if he was truly sorry. “What were you wondering about in that pretty head of yours?” You paused for a moment, thinking of how to phrase your question. Sirius gave you a brief glance, curious about what you were thinking of that had you pondering like this.

“Why’d you do it?” You finally blurted out.

“What do you mean? You’re gonna have to be a bit more specific than that for me, love.”

Sirius earns the sweet sound of your chuckling, and he zeroes in on the slight flush that appeared on your cheeks, betraying your embarrassment.

“I’m talking about earlier, Sirius. During Physics? When you flew that paper plane to McGonagall?”

His lips formed an O shape as he came to the realization of what you were referring to. And as if the reminder was nothing but a lighthearted one, Sirius snickered to himself.

“And? What about that?” 

You sigh, internally wondering how on earth he could find such a thing so amusing. Sure, perhaps Professor McGonagall had developed some sort of fondness or a soft spot for Sirius over the years he’d acted against her in his mischief. But the fact still remained that McGonagall was not to be taken lightly to, especially not during her class. 

“I was just wondering why you would do such a thing. I mean.. it was certainly unprovoked, don’t you think?” 

“‘Unprovoked,’ you say? Is that what you really think?” 

There’s a shift in his tone this time around when he spoke, though there still remained the unmistakable, and ever so present hint of a tease in his voice. You studied his face intently as you thought of a response. 

“Yeah. I mean, whatever did you do that for?” 

Sirius sighed, though you couldn’t tell if it was out of frustration with you or exasperation. “Didn’t I tell you already? I did it for you, you daft woman.” 

You resist the urge to scoff at his remark of you being a supposed daft woman. “I thought you were just messing with me there when you said that.”

“‘Messing with you?’ Why would I—“ He cut himself off with another sigh. 

Oh, so he’s frustrated, you realized. 

“You know, for someone whose mind runs a thousand miles per hour, you can be really clueless sometimes.” 

You let yourself scoff by then, feeling indignant. “What are you on about now?” 

Sirius almost smirked at your words, and you knew that by the twitch at the corner of his lips. You tear your eyes away from them, focusing on his eyes instead. 

“Come on, you’re a smart girl. Surely, you know why I did that, and why I risked detention?”

Deep down, you had an inkling as to what he was telling you. But you refused to acknowledge it aside from the fact that it was downright ridiculous. After all, you firmly believed yourself to be out of Sirius Black’s league. Your dynamic was synonymous to one of those Paramore songs that went, “He was a punk, she did ballet. Can I make it anymore obvious?” 

And as if he could read you, and sense your inner thoughts, Sirius sighed for what seemed like the nth time of that moment. Though now it had sounded almost… sad? 

“Shall I spell it aloud for you, then?” He broke the silence, his voice deeper and tinged with seriousness. 

“Yes.” Please. For my own sake. 

He takes a deep breath first, although the both of you didn’t know for what exactly. But it felt like it was necessary for Sirius, and so—

“I did it for you, ‘cause,” He paused, seemingly trying to push the words out of his mouth. Why he was forcing them out, you didn’t know. “What friends are for, right?” 

Well, admittedly, that kind of stung you inside. For a moment—a fleeting, hopeful moment—you wanted Sirius to say that he did it for you, and that was that. Just for you. For the sake of keeping you company, and letting it be up for interpretation on whether it was done under platonic intentions or… not. 

“Yeah,” You nodded, mentally chastising yourself for ever expecting such a thing. “What friends are for.” 

Sirius is looking at you pensively, noticing a hint of your disappointment in the way your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes, and in the way you looked away from him as you replied. He wondered why.

But, ever the one to cheer his friends up, Sirius clears his throat to catch your attention, his grey eyes glittering with mirth. 

“And besides,” he added. “You would’ve gone mad if you served detention all alone. You’re kind of a danger to yourself here, love.” He ruffled your hair playfully as he said this, eliciting a smile from you. 

“Hey! It doesn’t get that bad, you know,” You defend yourself, fixing your hair with your fingers. Sirius helps you out by tucking the wayward strands of hair, covering your face, behind your ear. 

He snickered. “Trust me, love. I know how bad it can get.” 

In truth, Sirius has always found it endearing—your knack for getting a little lost in your head more often than not. But he was also one of those people who wanted to grab you by the shoulders and shake some sense into you, to tell you to give yourself a damn break. So, he’ll take any chance to distract you from your thoughts. And if that meant angering McGonagall and serving detention, he didn’t mind at all. 

The rest of your walk home goes easily after that, the lighthearted atmosphere returning despite the momentary shift to the slightest, almost imperceptible indication to the feelings you harbored for each other—though unacknowledged on both sides of the party in fear of losing the other.

Although, Sirius suspects that he’ll be brave enough for the both of you one day to bring these feelings into light. 

In the meantime, he’ll let you get away with your acting aloof and coy about it. He’ll gladly wait until you’re ready to hear what he’s always wanted to tell you. 

So, as the two of you bask in the orange hue of the afternoon sun, walking down the path to your home, you don’t realize that it’s only a few steps away until you’ve reached your destination. You were getting carried away (again) with ranting about tomorrow’s quizzes, and Sirius is trying (again) to calm your anxieties, and reassure you. 

At the very same time, he realizes the increasing distance between the two of you and your home. He doesn’t make a move to tell you, and you simply don’t notice.

( ♡ )

[xanasaurusrex]

hi can u make some hcs of hecate’s cabin/childs?

⇢ ˗ˏˋ hecate cabin headcanons ࿐ྂ

of course i can do hecate cabin headcanons! i love hecate, she's one of my favorite of the gods. also, fun fact, there's a lot of debate on where hecate originated, like they think that maybe she was an anatolian goddess that the greeks "stole," and she also has some egyptian history? i did some research on her real quick and it was honestly fascinating! anyways, here are the hecate cabin hcs!

something to note about hecate kids is that all of them, every single one, is kind of a mystery in their own respect

there's a lot of mystery surrounding hecate, so even the most open of hecate kids is going to have something they're keeping to themselves

hecate kids, specifically before they're kind of taught to master their abilities, have a habit of accidentally spelling people

like, for example, say a hecate kid has a really annoying kid in their bio class that won't shut up

if they think really hard about how much they want that person to shut their mouth, magically, they will

it's something they were never able to explain

until they were claimed by hecate, of course

they also all have dark eyes

not necessarily a good color, per se, but there's something about their eyes that are dark

most hecate kids get her green eyes, which could only be described as "enchanting" of course

the hecate cabin often smells like burned sage and/or incense, and always has a smoky hue because of that

there are star charts and moon charts and things like that literally everywhere, practically littering the cabin floor

hecate kids are kinda messy

all of them, just find it really hard to keep themselves organized enough to make the cabin organized enough

this gets them into trouble sometimes, but they have... ways of convincing whoever's inspecting the cabin to leave them alone

hecate kids also always have crystals in their pockets

like, literally, at any given time, with an outfit that has pockets, they have crystals that are used for different things in said pockets

they have necklaces and earrings and rings with crystals on them as well, all having different purposes based on what they want their day to be like

there are a few kids at camp who are like "crystals don't even work" and blah blah blah, but the hecate kids know better

the kids that say that are usually idiots, but yknow

(obviously i'm not saying that if you don't believe in crystals irl you're an idiot, but this is camp half-blood and their mother is hecate, so obviously they're gonna work for them)

hecate kids can sometimes be known as "two-faced" when it comes to relationships

this probably comes from the fact that their mother has three faces

except this is a more literal meaning in this sense

the hecate cabin also does a lot of tarot readings

that's like, one of the first things you learn at camp if you're claimed by hecate

everyone has their own deck, and it's customized to you, it's a whole thing

it's like hecate cabin culture kinda

if you have a hecate child friend, you've probably gotten your future read by them at one point

obviously future-telling is more an apollo cabin thing, so the predictions usually aren't correct, but it's fun anyways

ooh! and ouija boards

ouija boards with the hecate kids are so fun because they get so into it, and usually it's actually working and they're actually talking to a dead person

i mean, it's camp half-blood

probably a lot of people have died there (rip)

it's especially fun if they can manage to convince a hades child to play with them, because then the hades kid can actually hear them and help translate if the ouija boards are being kinda confusing

it's not the most reliable way to talk to a dead person, as any hades kid will tell you

hecate kids are also avid readers

not as consistent as athena kids, but they have their own little library in the hecate cabin, with lots of fantasy books and historical fiction

they're also really good with recommendations, so if you ever need a book rec, honestly go to the hecate kids first

they take your personality and reading background into account when giving you a book rec, and pretty much every time, whatever they recommend, you're actually going to enjoy

hecate kids also make the worst chariots

when they do the chariot race (i'm not sure if this is actually something they do on a regular basis, but they did it in one of the books in the original series so i'm going with it), and every cabin has to make their own chariot, hecate makes the worst chariots and get out first almost every time

honestly it doesn't really bother them anymore because they just genuinely have no idea how to make a good chariot

hecate isn't exactly known for her fighting abilities

usually in battle, the hecate kids stay as far away as possible and use their magic to help the fight

hecate kids are also criminally indecisive

they’re the masters of eenie meanie miny moe

they’re also known to have coins always rattling around in their pocket because sometimes they have to flip a coin to make a decision

they also have lots of magic 8 balls even though they know they’re faulty

(faulty, not fake 😉)

moving on

hecate kids also really like tim burton movies

it might have something to do with the fact that tim burton is a hecate child, but they also just really like the movies

they give off the same vibe

(there is a rumor at hecate cabin that tim burton used some hecate baby magic to make his movies)

only occasionally though

so yeah, that’s all i have for hecate kids

they’re all super unique and interesting

they are definitely sort of strange, but that’s what makes them so cool!

sorry if that was awkward i never know how to end these things

so that’s it for hecate cabin hcs! i had so much fun writing this, and thanks so much for the request! i just wanted to say thank you to everybody liking and following and reblogging for the support, this is already so fun! i have a couple requests for different cabin headcanons and that i haven’t been able to get to because ive had to rewrite this one about three times, which is kinda frustrating, but i love how that turned out! thanks sm for reading!

[everythingmp3]

𝐚 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭

Tess Servopoulos x fem!reader

AO3

this is a combination of the ideas: no outbreak AU + reader starts working at a summer camp + Tess runs the place + instant attraction + forbidden relationship

authors note: hi, I´m back with a new Tess fic! I recently read the book "The God of the Woods", which I really enjoyed, and one character reminded me of her, so that prompted the idea of making the setting a summer camp. it is a slow-burn, but still, a decent part of this is them being together! I tried to make the vibe of this fic warm and atmospheric bc I wanted it to be easy to escape into! I put a good amount of love and thought into this, so I really hope you’ll enjoy reading it<3

warnings: minors dni. large age gap (reader is in her early 20s, Tess is in her early to mid 40s), smut (reader receiving), brief mentions of injury/blood (nothing graphic or violent)

wordcount: 30k

the first thing you thought, when you stood in front of the entrance to the camp on that first day, was “why the fuck did I agree to this”. 

you were sweating from the strain of carrying your bags, from the relentless heat of the midday sun, you were surrounded by kids and teenagers who were bidding farewell to their parents, and in the middle of all that, you had no idea why on earth you´d picked that of places to spend your summer. you´d already spent the entire year of college surrounded by people in classes, in lectures, in the library, in your dorm, so it seemed like you´d blacked out when you had sent off your resume to a summer camp, a place where you would have just as little space and time to just be by yourself. 

still, there were two things that put you at ease in that moment of regret: firstly, the undeniably stunning scenery, the woods that reached as far as your eye could reach, trees taller than any you´d ever seen, the faint glistening surface of a lake visible in the distance; secondly, the girl who was a few years older than you, clearly a colleague, who noticed the forlorn look on your face and immediately took you under her wing. she´d already worked there a few summers, so she gave you a quick rundown of what you had to do to get settled as you made your way onto the camp-grounds. she succeeded in calming your nerves by saying things like “it´s really not that much work, we have a few hours of activity during the day and then some get-togethers at night, but other than that we´re usually pretty free to do whatever we want”. 

by the time you joined her in the staff building and got signed in, received a card of the grounds and got told which cabin and group you´d be the leader of, you felt like you might have overreacted, that you might end up having a better time than anticipated. 

the girl you´d just gotten to know, pointed at a door down the hallway of the building and said “I´ll go but you should probably check in with Tess, since you´re new. she´s the overseer of this place, the boss so to speak, the one you have to respond to if there´s any issue with the kids. she can be a bit.. well, intimidating let´s say, but don´t worry, she´s cool, for the most part. she´ll tell you the rest of what you need to know.” 

intimidating. you considered it, an interesting word to use for someone who spent all their time working with kids, it peaked your interest, so you knocked on the office door, and cracked it open once you heard a “yes, come in”.

the first thing you noticed when you walked in and saw Tess sitting there, was her hair. she was in the process of pulling a hair-tie out of it and adjusted it a bit as she beckoned you closer, the ashy brunette color with faint streaks of gray fell down her face in a way that briefly had you standing there in the doorframe, before you averted your gaze and went to sit down in the chair across from hers. she was striking in a way few women had ever been to you. it wasn´t easily explicable, the way no immediate, deep attraction to someone is. it was purely physical, a tingling sensation as soon as you felt her attention turn towards you, her forearms exposed where she´d pushed her sleeves up, her voice smooth and deep, her clothes comfortable and worn out but perfectly suited for her. before she said anything, she took a good, long look at you, scanning you to get the first clues about what kind of a girl she was dealing with, no hint in her expression whether she was pleased by who her superiors had sent her, a brief nervous shifting in your seat, which made her soften a bit, just a bit, as she launched into her usual introductory meeting with new workers. 

her first thought when you walked in had been “thank god it´s not a guy”. the most trouble she´d had in her time there, had always been with male workers, it was undeniable, that Tess favored the women, in more ways than one, but that wasn´t on her mind yet in that moment, not yet.

she presented you with the rules very matter of factly, leaning forward, her hands folded on the table, looking straight at you as you tried not to let your eyes wander to her fingers, a sternness to her tone that somehow made you feel warm, that wasn´t unpleasant. 

“so, new girl.” she said, “the work here really isn´t complicated. we have a few basic rules: you don´t leave the premises on your own, unless there´s a very good reason and you notify me or someone else on the team. there is no service, no wifi, except for in this building, so if you need to call someone or send an email or whatever, you can only do it here, during the day. there is breakfast, lunch, and dinner but we have a staff kitchen in here, where you can help yourself out if you want to. if you get sick, we have medical staff who will take care of you, they have pain killers and other things you might need”.

she went on, a few more obvious rules about behavior with the kids, dos and don'ts for the staff. the last part she said, was said with an inflection that signaled that she was aware you wouldn´t always follow those specific rules, that she just had to say it for protocol: “lights out and curfew is at 10. no walking around outside after that hour. no drinking, no smoking, or whatever other drugs you might be into.” that made you smile then, a nod, you understood, she could tell that you weren´t daft, that you were picking up what she was putting down: “break the rules if you want, but be clever about it, don´t let it get out of hand, be fucking smart”. 

the entire time she was talking, you found yourself enjoying her unflinching gaze, the way she didn´t soften her voice or her demeanor to suck up to you, you could tell that she was not the type for chit-chat or flattery and you liked it, it suited her, it felt reassuring, to have someone like her overseeing the place, someone who was tough and unyielding but not in a mean way.

it was clear that Tess cared about one thing: good work and reliability. she would overlook certain miniscule things that more strict bosses might not have, but it became clear very fast that you´d suffer consequences if she caught you slacking off. she was deeply invested in the kids´ safety, telling you “when you´re out and about with them, walking around, keep count. keep fucking count, I mean that, do it more than you think is necessary, if you´re walking, or sitting around somewhere, just take a few seconds every few once in a while to make sure they´re all still there. we´ve had it happen that someone didn´t notice for hours that a kid was gone, and I won´t have that again. got it?”. 

you nodded, in fact a bit intimidated then, but she just needed you to understand how urgent it was, to avoid another scandal like the one the summer before where a kid had been missing for three hours until the responsible worker noticed. 

if there was one thing Tess couldn´t stand, it was a blasé attitude of those who were in charge of other people´s safety, she didn´t play about it, she was a fierce protector and expected everyone around her to be too. there´d been times where kids had thought her to be heartless until someone randomly hurt themselves and was carried to the medics by her with a care and tenderness that stunned them. it was a reason why the camp had loyal returners, the fact that she instilled a kind of style in all of the workers that made the kids feel both safe and free. 

just as you got up after that first meeting and went to leave, she called your name, meeting your eyes for a last time as she leaned back in her chair, the first genuine smile from her as she said “oh, almost forgot: welcome. I hope you´ll have a good summer here. we´re glad to have you” playing with a pen and overdoing the friendliness in her tone, a hint of humor there because Tess was aware that she´d completely missed the opportunity to open your conversation the polite way, the way others might have, but you gave her a nod that made it clear that you were fine with her straight-forwardness. “thank you, I will, I´m sure. see you around.”

once you left the room, she just stared out of the window for a moment, watching some of the others walking around, the sky a perfect blue, while she thought “at least a few kids are gonna have a huge crush on her”. she was not gonna admit it to herself, that she was projecting, not after only having exchanged so few words with you. Tess thought of herself as better than that, better than meeting a new employee and fawning over her after only a few minutes of talking. she´d succeeded in steering clear of any complicated employee-boss dynamics for years and years, and she wasn´t gonna jeopardize that, she refused. at least, that´s what she told herself during the beginning. still, she took a good long glance at the file on you she´d been given, scanning it for any interesting info, sounding out your full name under her breath, until she eventually put it back down and pretended she hadn´t just given herself away, even thought there was no witnesses who could hold her to it. 

you had a similar experience. you weren´t thinking explicitly about your attraction to her, you just felt an inkling of it, while walking back out of the building with a faint smile on your face, her voice still fresh in your mind. it was the thing that had left the strongest impression, how she talked, her mannerisms, something about it was exactly to your liking. you found yourself hoping she wasn´t just the kind of boss who stayed out of everyone´s way, that she´d join in during activities and hang around here and there, that you´d have the chance to know a bit more about her, see her interacting with others, get a read on her, because you could tell that she was not the type to give anything about herself easily. you even hoped for a moment that one of the kids would give you trouble, so you could have a reason to go back to her office and talk to her in private again, but then, you quickly got distracted yourself by the task of inspecting the campgrounds and talking to your new coworkers, most of whom luckily seemed chill and welcoming. to your relief, you had a room to yourself in the back of the cabin that you´d been assigned to, glad to feel like you´d lucked out with your group of girls, most of them aged between ten and fifteen. 

later that night, after successfully managing your first day (settling in, unpacking, making your bed, attending the welcome meeting, lunch, some ice-breaker activities, all that) you walked over to the building you´d been to earlier, to go to the staff kitchen and get some iced water from the fridge, your empty bottle swinging back and forth as you walked there, freshly showered, dressed for sleep in some shorts and a thin tank top. it was still hot at that hour, the lingering July heat hanging over the camp in a way that was not oppressive because there was enough freshness in the air from the lake nearby. 

the building wasn´t dark, so you figured that Tess was still in her office, as you made your way down to the kitchen, which she was, until a few moments later when she locked the door behind her and heard you moving around. 

she could have just left, but something told her that it might be you, and she was curious how you were doing after your first day, so she stood in the door frame for a moment, slightly taken off-guard by seeing more of your physique than earlier, before she knocked, accompanied by a quiet “hey there”. 

you toned down your smile a bit before you turned around and closed the cap of your full bottle before you looked at her. “oh hey! still here at this hour?” you asked, walking over to her to follow her outside, since you were done there. she nodded, “hm, yeah, first days are always a bit busy, but it´s fine. what about you, how was it? you regretting it already?” a grin as she said this, holding the door for you to step outside ahead of her. “oh sure, it was awful, horrible, really, I´ll put in my resignation tomorrow morning”, you joked back, eventually facing her as you both stood outside in the pleasant evening atmosphere, she nodded, a smile, pleased by the fact that you weren´t shy around her, weren't afraid to mess with her a bit.

“how are the girls in your cabin? all behaving so far?”, she asked, the word “behaving” from her lips somehow a turn-on. “oh good, all good” you said, reassuring her, trying to come across as laid-back, to match her energy, “tired from traveling here of course,  but they´re all sweet, funny too, which is nice. did have to comfort one of them earlier who was homesick already and embarrassed about it”. that peaked her interest then, your first test of sorts, “oh yeah? how´d you do that?” she crossed her arms and eyed you with a curious smile.

you shrugged, shifting your weight, clutching the cold bottle to your chest, “well, I told her that soon there´ll come a time where she´ll wish she had some distance between her and her parents. to enjoy the freedom, to do or say things her mother wouldn´t approve of, just for the sake of it, all that. it worked, thank god”. you´d passed the test, she could tell that you were somehow naturally skilled at your new task. “hm. sounds like they´re in good hands then, good job”, “I try”, she nodded, fussing with her keys then, her hands busy as she looked at you, “well, whatever it is you´re trying, keep doing it, new girl”, a sudden sparkle in your eyes as the nickname hung in the air.

her gaze fell to where you were scratching your arm absentmindedly, a mosquito bite probably, so she pointed at it, more serious then “okay stop that, don´t scratch it open” she pulled something out of her bag then and handed it over to you. “here, aloe cream, it helps. keep it, I´m sure the girls in your cabin might need some too. apply it generously over night”, a nod from you as you took it from her, a brief brushing of her fingers that sent a shock through your whole body. “okay I will” a moment of silence then, a shared look of “I think I like you”  between you before you cleared your throat and said, “well then, have a good night, Tess”. 

you didn´t have to say her name like that, a simple “good night” would have been polite enough, so she took note of it, a restrained smile, that didn´t give away how eager she was to figure you out, to understand how much of your friendliness was really just friendly. “yeah, you too” she didn´t say your name, she was better than you at feigning indifference, but something about the way she´d looked at you, a certain flicker in her eyes, it was just visible enough to give you a fragile sense of hope, that you weren´t entirely alone in your unexpected feelings. 

on her way back to her cabin, she took a deep breath and told herself “she´s your employee. even if that was some kind of flirting, even if she did like you, it´s irrelevant, she´s off-limits. she is not the one for you.” 

but she knew that the fact that she even needed to give herself a reminder, was a bad sign. all the years before, she´d noticed when workers were attractive, when one or two of them were maybe her type in some way, she´d caught glances here and there when they were near her, but it was never connected to an actual desire to act on it; that was the key difference, with previous interest it had always been light and fun, she was fine with enjoying small-talk with a pretty girl who worked for her, since she had never felt the urge to reach out and touch them.

she´d never felt a sense of danger in her attraction but with you, it was palpable, she laid in bed later that night and felt both thrilled and afraid - thrilled because it had been a good while since anyone had challenged her, had intrigued her and pulled her in without even trying hard, afraid because she could tell that you were getting under her skin already, because she had to banish any thoughts of you in compromised positions from her mind, because she told herself “you cannot get fired over some fucking fling. forget about it.”. 

that night she didn´t sleep much, drifting in and out of dreams that gave her flashes of someone, completely nude, a glimpse of a girl´s thighs as she got out of the water and dried off, water dripping down her body, the sun glistening on her wet skin, she never saw a face, but she didn´t have to, when she woke up, she knew it had been you in the dream, her body hot all over from it, the urge to do something about it, a brief moment of almost giving into it: getting off to the images that were still fresh in her mind. but Tess was stubborn, she kept her hands over the covers, let herself suffer through the lingering need she felt, that her subconscious had forced upon her, despite everything she´d told herself the night before. she´d have to try harder, to overpower her instincts with sheer willpower. she´d have to get a grip.

after agonizing about it for a few minutes, she got up and tried to shrug it off. she splashed her face with cool water, put on her tank top and flannel and shorts, laced up her boots, and stepped outside, the cool morning air helping with getting back into her usual mindset: focused, unshakable, stoic. 

the next few days, you rarely spoke to Tess for more than a few seconds, only brief encounters, seeing each other from across the main area and nodding politely, or saying “good morning” when you entered the dining hall at the same time, but still, her presence was always affecting you in a way, she was like a shadow, a quiet magnitude to her aura that could easily be missed by people less intrigued by her than you. 

there were hundreds of people around you, all day, and yet, your attention was subconsciously drawn to her, always a brief scan over the dining hall or the main area to see if she was sitting or standing somewhere near you. the feeling was comforting in a way, to be tethered to someone by a strong pull, a warmth to it, that thrill you felt when she was close, when you were both talking to people but you hoped that she´d glance over at you, your posture immediately better when you thought about this, your face more expressive. 

her presence always made you more aware of your own body, your mannerisms, and it was a delicious kind of secret, to move around the camp grounds with the constant anticipation of seeing her, being seen by her, preferably both. it was useless to pretend otherwise, you were already wondering if she found you appealing, if you could somehow find a way to get closer to her. 

 the fact that she wasn´t a worker, that she wasn´t assigned to a specific group, made it so that she just drifted in and out, watching some of you as you did your activities with the kids, leaning against a tree for a few minutes and observing it all, or stopping on her way to walk somewhere else to talk with some of the kids or counselors. 

you could tell that everyone seemed to respect her, seemed to gravitate towards her when she offered a few minutes of her attention. 

one afternoon you were busy sitting around and drawing with the kids, when out of nowhere you looked up and saw that she was at the table next to you, helping a girl out with her painting, diligent and skilled, a pleased smile on the girl´s face when Tess adjusted some of the details for her, before getting up and drifting off again as quietly as she´d joined in. this happened more than once, that she didn´t make a big announcement and just checked up on everyone, never overbearing or judgy, always curious and generous with her subdued way of showing that she cared, about everything that was going on.

one afternoon, about four days into your stay, stood out in your mind. it was a particularly hot day, everyone was dressed in as little clothing as possible, including her: cut off shorts that ended mid-thigh and a white tank-top that showed off her tanned arms, her shoulders, her generally very impressive physique. she didn´t have the kind of muscles that people gained by going to the gym, they were the natural, slightly softer kind of muscles that were the natural result of a lot of outside activity, her upper arms big and strong but not freakishly so, not in a way that seemed try-hard or vain, you could tell that she was just naturally a muscular woman, that it didn´t take much for her to look like that, your eyes constantly drawn to her thighs, the faint freckles that somehow made her look even hotter. 

you were sitting in the shade, drinking your third bottle of water that day, trying but failing to read a book, when you spotted her from afar, checking up on the other people who were lingering around, all sluggish and lethargic from the heatwave that had hit the woods that day. you smiled as you realized that she was making sure everyone was healthy, drinking enough, not at risk of heatstroke, reminding the kids to not jump into the lake but to let their bodies adjust to the colder temperature, reminding them to minimize physical activity overall, to reapply sunscreen, to eat enough, to tell someone if they felt dizzy or needed a break, a nap. 

she was about to turn around and go back to her office, when she saw you looking, and felt the need to make sure you were okay too, so you tried to act normal as she approached you, putting her foot up on the wooden bench across from the one you were sitting on, a casual air about her as she asked, “hey there. how are you holding up? all good?”. 

you nodded, putting your book down to pay full attention to her, her face instead of her legs or arms. “yeah thanks, I´m managing. I mean, I feel a bit dead but other than that, all good”, that made her smile, “I hear you, it´s rarely this hot, tomorrow´s supposed to be cooler again, don´t worry”.

she grinned then, something was amusing to her, so you leaned forward, eyeing her, “something funny?”. Tess pointed at your book that was laying facedown on the table, “I saw you yesterday with that and from the looks of it you haven´t made a dent, at all” an admission in there: that she´d seen you, when you hadn´t been aware. it made your face feel even hotter than it already was. you pretended to be a bit offended “well, in this heat, can you blame me for not being able to concentrate?”, she put her hands on her hips, “sort of yeah. where there´s a will…” she was teasing, you couldn´t help but smile. “right. well, guess I´m just lazy, you got me”.

she dropped the act and talked a bit more earnestly then, sensing that she was venturing into territory that was a bit too friendly, but she didn´t care, “or the book just isn´t good enough to keep your attention. I could give you one of mine later, I think I have a good guess what you might enjoy”, that wasn´t what you'd expected, it seemed like an offer she wouldn´t just make to anyone, but maybe she did, maybe that was her thing, lending people books. still, you hoped it wasn´t, that it was her way of breaching the distance between you a bit further. you nodded, “okay, sure, I´ll take that”,“you´ll have to actually read it though, I´ll ask you questions to make sure you are”, a sort of challenging tone then, a hint of something in her voice that you wanted to read as flirtatiousness. 

your face felt hotter by the second as she kept standing there, so close, her hair wavy from the shower she´d took earlier, her face glowing from the sun, and she could tell, you were not hiding it well enough. she found a thrill in it, the sense that she was making you a bit nervous, which reflected her own feelings because she was distracted by the labored breaths you were taking, the way you ran your fingers through your hair, the way you leaned your head on your hand at one point, an exhausted but deeply endearing expression that you directed her way- she had the urge to sit down and just watch you as you pretended to read, to go and get you an iced drink, to spend time with you, get to know you.

you changed the subject then, preventing her from leaving when you saw that she was about to. “you seem fine though, considering the weather, how do you do it?” you asked, pointing at her, the way she didn´t even seem to be sweating at all, she shrugged, “willpower? maybe?”. that made you laugh, “right, you refuse to be overpowered by the sun?”, she nodded, “something like that, yeah”, a moment of silence as you smiled at each other, as you both had the brief fantasy of retreating back to a cabin, to undress, to see the remaining parts of your body that were still hidden by clothing, to feel the warmth of each other´s skin, to tire each other out, to leave each other flushed and eager to feel the eventual cooler night breeze on your bare skin. 

there was something about the life at the camp, the constant focus on physical activities, that made it hard not to become all body, all instinct, all animal, you could tell with other counselors that couples formed quickly, that some people randomly disappeared after eyeing each other up and down all day. you could tell with the kids too, that crushes were being added to catalog of infatuations between boys and girls and girls and girls and boys and boys all day, one shared moment of sitting on the ground and touching knees enough to activate some part of the body that wants to be wild in the surroundings of nature, impulses that were impossible to fight back against. 

Tess was the one to interrupt your shared moment of want, removing her foot from the bench and standing upright again to give you a brief goodbye and leave you alone, the image of your fingers drawing circles on the wooden table in front of you burned into her mind for some reason, just like the image of your lips and cheeks flushed from the warmth, the tone of your voice, sweeter and slower in that moment than before, reaching a part of her that had long gone untouched, unmoved. 

sure enough, later during dinner she made sure to keep her promise. 

you were about to leave the dining hall, as you saw her waving you over to her table, so you abandoned your group for a moment and stood in front of her as she held out a book to you, a relatively big one, by the looks of it well-loved and read multiple times. “here. I´m expecting you to finish this by next week” she was fucking with you, but part of you wanted to prove to her that you could actually manage that, so you said “alright. I will” taking it from her and flipping through it briefly, delighted by the fact that there were underlined passages in there, comments in the margins, you wondered if she´d forgotten about all that when she picked it out to give to you because that was a pretty intimate thing to hand over, her thoughts all over hundreds of pages like that. you were both tired from the hot day, both silent for a moment, a sort of shy smile from you then, as you looked down at her confident expression, the obvious joy she took in being a bit teacher-y with you, having a rapport that was bordering on something other than just boss-employee. 

eventually, you saw that your group was leaving, so you pulled yourself out of that moment of quiet, warm familiarity with her, and said a brief thank you, following the girls you were in charge of back out as she finished her dinner and tried her best not to let anyone at her table clock the way she was staring at your back as you walked out.

a moment during that first week that stood out to her was one a few days later. you took your group to go swim in the lake because it was a perfect day, the breeze just right. you spent some of the time making sure all of the teens were behaving, not overdoing it with how far they were swimming out, lingering in the shallow parts of the lake with the younger kids and enjoying the cooling water on your body. a while later, when everyone was bit tired out and tanning in the shade, you laid on your towel and read the book she´d given you, your bikini still damp, your skin slowly drying, flipping over on your stomach every once in a while.

what you weren´t aware of, was that during the middle of all that, Tess had sat down at the dock nearby with a bit of paperwork she had to get to, so she could do it while dangling her legs in the lake. you were near enough for her to realize that it was you, and it was impossible for her not to stare. she was enthralled by it, everything, how you looked getting out of the water, how the water had dripped down your back, the way your body looked in the sun, every single outline of your muscles visible, every detail on display, an almost guilty feeling then, as she couldn´t tear her eyes away even when you were just lounging in the shade. a few times that early afternoon, she caught you sitting with your head on your knees, your arms around your shins, staring off into the distance, not a sad but pensive expression, something about your demeanor that made her wonder, “what is she thinking about?”.

Tess felt a very human thing then, she craved intimacy and connection all of a sudden in a way that she hadn´t in years. she was good at telling herself that she could do without all that, for years she´d been in denial about her desires, but there you were, and she wanted nothing more than to just sit down and talk to you over dinner, to ask you questions, to watch you. it wasn´t even just with the motive of wanting you in a physical way, even though that was a big part of it, it was also just the rediscovery of a humbling feeling, the feeling of “I want a woman in my life. I want someone to be affectionate with, to show my softer side to.” it was all still there, deep down, and you were bringing it all back up.

she was also increasingly desperate to figure you out because something about you seemed so familiar, in the way that you carried yourself, the way you somehow seemed alone even in the midst of all of the kids and other workers. you seemed to be of a similarly solitary nature, something told her that you were someone she could feel seen by, understood by, and that she might offer you the same in return. she didn´t get shit done, so eventually she dried off her legs, put her shoes back on and abandoned the lake, throwing a last admiring glance your way just as you were getting up to shake out your towel and get dressed. 

that night, a few of the kids urged you to go raspberry picking with them in a field nearby, and because you had little else to do, you said yes. 

on your way back, carrying the goods in little buckets you´d brought, you were enjoying the soft evening atmosphere, the light of the blue hour, the kids walking in front of you with their fingers and mouths stained red, as Tess made her way down the same path to the main area. 

you were too lost in thought to realize that she´d caught up with you, so eventually she smiled and gave you a nudge, “hey”, you startled a bit but quickly returned the smile “oh hey”.

“still at work even at this hour hm?” she said, pointing at the raspberries you were carrying, her voice raspy from talking to people all day, an instinctive step towards her to close some of the distance. “well, this isn´t really hard work, is it?” you smiled at her, she returned it, “ate like half of them already when we were there, they´re really good right now” she nodded, endeared by the image of you kneeling down and plucking them off the bushes, paying close attention. 

without asking, she reached over and grabbed a few of the berries, putting one in her mouth as you looked at her, a mischievous flicker in her eyes that told you that she was expecting you to shove her hand away of protest, but you didn´t, a nod instead.

“I don´t mind, in fact, you go and take these, I ate so many already, and they won´t be as good tomorrow”, you said, holding the small bucket out to her as she ate a few more, a squint of her eyes, “if you´re trying to get in my good graces to be employee of the month, I have to disappoint, we don´t do that here”, she was teasing of course, but as always, you played along, “oh fuck, well, that was my plan of course. wasn´t just being nice or anything”. Tess looked like she was enjoying herself, she took the berries from you and put another in her mouth, a vibe between you that felt friendly, too friendly, further away from professional than mere days before. “so, what are you up to now?”, she said, as you neared the area where her cabin was located, which you´d have to pass by to get to yours, “well, not much, shower, take them to bed, try to sleep”, she cocked her head, an inquisitive look then, “try? you're not sleeping well?”, a hint of concern in there. “no, I mean,  sometimes it just takes a while to fall asleep. I´m not used to dead silence at night, but it´s fine, it´s cozy in a way”, “sure, takes a while to get used to it. well, if it ever gets too bad I have a tea I could offer, always helps when I can´t sleep. just tell me if you ever wanna try”.

it somehow only added to her appeal, that she always seemed to be invested in everyone´s well-being, everyone´s comfort, yours in particular, it felt special in a way, after months of being entirely self-reliant.

“okay. thanks, I´ll keep it mind”. with that, you´d reached her place, so she excused herself and told you “see you tomorrow” with a pleased grin on her face, which made you wonder what part of your casual exchange had prompted it, what about you made it so that she didn´t just walk past you, but took a moment to say hi, to talk, to slow down her pace to match yours.

once she was gone and you were trying to catch up to the kids in front of you again, you kept thinking about her hands, the image of them reaching over to steal the raspberries, the way her fingers were always clean, even though she lived an outdoorsy life. you´d noticed it before, that she took care of her hands, made a point of keeping her nails as short as possible, no signs of dirt, ever, it made it easy to obsess over that feature of hers, to fantasize, in different ways. in general, Tess always had a fresh air about her, there was this scent that you could pick up on when you were close to her, you had no idea if it was a perfume or cologne or her laundry detergent or her natural scent or a mix of all of those, but it always pulled you closer, always made you want to breathe it in from up close, to have it all over you after embracing her or doing other things. it made you dizzy to imagine having your face by her neck, to kiss her there, to take as long as you wanted to get lost in all the sensations of her body. you tried your best to forget about all this as you had to get your mind straight to not fuck up during your nightly head-count, since nothing would lose you her affection faster than overlooking a missing kid. it made you better at the job, your eagerness to please her, so it was a win-win-win, for her, for you, for the kids, the fact that you were obsessed with her by that point. 

a few minutes after leaving you, Tess sat at her dining table, eating the remaining berries, lost in thought, enjoying the feeling of somehow being physically connected to you via the contact all of the berries she was eating had had with your hand, your fingers, your skin. 

she liked it, the implicit eroticism of it all, she savored the taste, silence in her cabin as she took her time eating, wondering what you were up to, if you were already laying in bed, if you were maybe also letting your thoughts wander to her, or if something else completely was on your mind, something she had no idea about. she imagined you sitting at the edge of your bed, tired and spent from the day, your room dark, only the moonlight illuminating your outline a bit, she imagined the tired look on your face, how you might sigh and close your eyes for a moment before getting undressed, how it would feel to be there, to offer you something, to say “come here” and hold you as you fell asleep, how it would feel to share a bed with you, to feel your skin warm against hers, to wake up in the middle of the night and hear you breathing slowly, deeply. eventually, she abandoned her kitchen and tried to repress the urge she had to go out and look for you, a long stare into the mirror as she brushed her teeth and told herself “calm down. you´re being fucking insane.”

at the end of the week, there was a bonfire night. the air at that hour was cool enough for the fire to be a pleasant sensation and most people quickly broke into groups, the younger kids, the older ones, your colleagues, a few of them standing around and talking, others playing games or entertaining each other with gossip from the day. 

you were tired form the eventful week, your limbs a bit heavy and sore, so you briefly left the two other counselors you were on good terms with for a moment to go sit on near the fire and just relax for a moment, watching the flames dance in the dark forest air. what you hadn´t noticed, was that Tess had been leaning against a tree near where you´d sat down for about fifteen minutes, just quietly observing, the way she always did, and for a few minutes she just looked at you, how you were holding your body, what your face might give away about your state of mind, before she decided to go pick up a drink from the cooler nearby to hand it to you as she sat down next to you, unannounced, a genuine smile from you as you took the drink and thanked her, wondering if she´d been able to tell that you were a bit tired, slightly touched by her attentiveness that you were still getting used to. 

“so”, she started, “how has it been”. you knew she was asking about how you felt after your first week there, that she was curious, so you turned to her, the desire to make sure she knew you were enjoying it, even though you must´ve seemed a bit exhausted in that moment.“oh I´m all good so far, thanks, no complaints yet, I´m getting moving my body much more than at college, so that´s good” you said, “even though I´m kinda scraped up”, pointing at a few scratches and bruises that were the result of various hiking and climbing and running activities. Tess glanced down at your legs, a grin, “oh just wait, there´s more to come”, somehow it sounded lascivious the way she said it, you leaned a bit closer to her, “oh, I don´t mind, after being stuck in the library for months this is great, I do feel better than a week ago, I have to say, I needed a break I think”, Tess nodded, a smile, the restrained kind she usually gave, that somehow pleased you much more than wide, toothy smiles from other people, 

“a lot going on up there, hm” gesturing at your forehead, a smile. the tone she used in that moment was the softest you´d heard her up until that point, it was clear she was trying to comfort you in some way, so you returned the smile, a tired sigh, “unfortunately, yeah, kinda. it´s hard sometimes to have this much time to myself. usually so many things distract me but, not here. kinda hard to just enjoy the peace and quiet sometimes, funny enough”. she nodded, messing with a twig absentmindedly, breaking small parts off. she briefly started into the distance, before turning back to you, “not for me” she said, smiling.“yeah, i´ts impressive to be honest. I don´t know how you do it. guess you´re already enlightened, zen, all that” you were half-joking, it made her laugh, “hardly. just years of practice. my early life was anything but quiet or serene, so, took some time to get used to it. but now I wouldn´t go back”,  you made a sound of understanding “I believe you, yeah. sounds nice, peaceful”.

she paused for a moment before changing the subject, the hint of a grin on her face,“you know, I´ve been hearing a few things through the grape-vine about you.” you faced fully then, the immediate thought being “oh god what did I do. did I do something embarrassing without realizing” even though you couldn´t recall anything, and the slightly panicked expression was funny to her, maybe cute too in some way, so she let you hang in that fear for a moment before saying, “oh don´t worry, glowing reviews across the board so far”.

that surprised you, the fact that people had gone out of their way to talk about you generously, “really?”, she tilted her head, studying your face for a moment, “why are you so surprised?”. she wasn´t gonna go into detail because she wasn´t big on flattery but a girl who´d worked there for two summers already, had come up to her earlier and told her that you were much better than the new girl the year before, that you were popular with the kids because you were patient and not too strict, that you´d offered to take over her group for a day because she was about to take a bunch of pain-killers for her headache to power through. Tess had heard a few other things along those lines too, and it was an easy way to get into her head, to win her over, being a good influence on her beloved space. 

you pondered the question why you were surprised about the praise and shrugged, “guess I just didn´t try all that hard”, she nodded, her voice lower, slower, “well, that´s the point I think”. “I could honestly do this job all year I think. but well. academic career calls” 

she smiled, “well someone´s gotta be the brainy type”, “you are too and you're here, so”, she took the compliment, “well but thats different. I´m people smart, life smart, you´re more book smart”, “how would you know?”, you said, tickled by her read on you, “well, you have that sophisticated “I write essays about complex niche shit”-air”, she was teasing a bit, gently, “oh damn, thats what I give off? really?”. 

“maybe, a bit. well you´re not like them, that´s for fucking sure”, she said, pointing at two guys and girls who were screeching as they were play-fighting, pushing each other, more the frat and sorority types, you laughed “right. can´t argue with that”. 

“so who do you hang out with?” you asked, which caught her off guard, “huh?” you looked at her more closely then, your faces both orange from the fire, glowing, easy to be mesmerized by, distracted by.“I never see you with anyone.”, you continued, waiting for an explanation, her voice was lower then, for emphasis,“well that´s on purpose, sweetie. I don´t “hang out” with people”. the pet name made your face feel even warmer, you were curious if she was bluffing,“no? you´re all alone, all day?”, she smiled, angling her body a bit more towards you, “well I´m never alone, am I?”, pointing around at all the others.“you know what I mean. no friends, no..” you didn´t say it out loud, the other kind of company you wondered about.

“no. just me and my mind palace” she whispered, tapping on her forehead. “right. well, could be worse, you seem very…” “very what?” she asked, not sure what you were about to say. “I dont know.. solid” you said,“solid. okay I´ll take that”, she wasn´t sure if you were being serious, so you went on“I mean it as a compliment, you never seem anxious or desperate for praise or approval or anything really”. “right. unlike…you?” she said, trying to get a rise out of you, clearly not meaning it, “ouch??”, you said, obviously not hurt but thrilled be the sudden playfulness that she was offering you. “no I´m joking. that´s more her thing, isn´t it” Tess said while pointing at a coworker of yours, she was right, the girl was notorious for giggling and talking in a higher voice around the male staff members, so you laughed a scandalized laugh, nudging her leg, a burn where her knee briefly brushed yours, her index finger on her lips “shh, I didnt say anything”, she whispered“no, sure”. 

Tess realized that she´d fucked up, just a moment too late. she´d crossed the boss-employee boundary of gossiping with you about your fellow worker, when she was in charge of both of you, you weren´t her peer, she knew this, but it felt too good, to sit there under the stars and actually have fun talking to someone. it was a small thing, but it was the start of something, of creating a sense of familiarity, a signal to you that she saw you as an equal, which she shouldn´t do, she knew it, she´d have to reel it back in, but she didn´t want to, not at all. 

you didn´t press on, you just gladly took what you got, pleased by the fact that she seemed to trust you in some way, that she wanted to make you laugh, create a feeling of kinship. just in time, a guy you were friendly with came over and told you to come join him and the others for a game, so you bade her farewell, and followed him, a hint of jealousy to her then as she watched his bright smile as he talked to you, as she saw some other girls hugging you, their hands on your lower back. she´d never wished she was part of the counselor group, not until that moment. she tried not to think about it, that some of the girls and guys around you would maybe shoot their shot with you, that you might want them to, that she´d have to witness a post-getting together flush on your face while you stole glances at another person across the dining hall table. she was perceptive, those kinds of things never escaped her, so she hoped and prayed that she´d never pick on something like that from you. unless. unless she was the one being looked at.

the next day, the plan was for everyone to go on a hike together, deeper into the forest because about thirty minutes away, there was a river that was shallow enough for everyone to be allowed to swim in without worrying about any safety issues. 

the plan was to spend a few hours there, for everyone to as they pleased, either swimming or laying in the grass or reading or doing whatever you wanted.

 about ten minutes into the hike, there was a steep hill you all had to go down, and two kids from your group didn´t realize that it was not a good idea to hold hands, until one of them lost their balance and nearly pulled the other one to the ground, had it not been for you and your sudden sharp reflex. you were walking a few steps behind them when you saw the first signs of what was about to be nasty joint fall to the floor, so without thinking twice, you hurried over to put yourself between them and the ground, which worked out, but forced you to the floor, because of the sudden impact of two bodies on you. 

at first, you weren´t aware that you´d even gotten hurt in the process, your mind clouded by the rush of adrenaline, but there was a sharp pain in your shin that made itself noticeable as the kids were saying your name, breathless, followed by a “look” pointing at your leg “I´m so sorry” the other one uttered, “it's my fault”, but you quickly said “no it´s okay, you´re good, I´m good, no big deal”, but you weren´t really all that good: you´d fallen right onto the sharp edge of a rock and your shin was dripping blood, a stream that already nearly reached your ankle. “Tess!!” the kids yelled, aware that she was always the one to look for in emergencies, but she was close enough to have seen it all, already in the process of hurrying over and kneeling down by your side, a hand on your back, checking the injury, “fuck” she said. “yeah, no, this can´t be left like that. we need to go back and clean this up”. “it´s fine really, I-” you tried to downplay it, but she shushed you, a sharpness to her expression then, she was gonna spare you the lecture she could have given then “what did I tell you about wounds? always, always turn back around, no open wounds out in the wild, infection is not something we want here”. 

you were embarrassed by the attention, she could tell, so she quickly looked up and announced to the others, “guys it´s no big deal, she took a fall, it looks worse than it is but I´ll go help her back so we can bandage it, you guys go without us. we´ll see each other for lunch later, okay?”. everyone respected her, so her words settled quickly and people kept it pushing, the two kids you´d shielded briefly giving you a pat while saying a shy “thank you. see you later?”, “yes, don´t worry guys I´m okay”. they smiled then, glad that you weren´t mad at all. Tess was still busy checking your injury, she´d pulled a tissue from her bag and had cleaned some of it up but the blood kept coming, so she said, “okay, come on, we need to fix this. I´ll help you up, okay?”. you nodded, putting weight on your uninjured leg as she pulled you up, with ease, her arm around your waist then to steady you, her hand firm, you could feel it well through the thin fabric of your shirt, intimate in a way that made you forget about the pain. part of her felt guilty, that she was glad to have an excuse to touch you, that she could disguise it as worry, the fact that she enjoyed feeling you close. 

“god this is so stupid” you sighed, as you made your way towards her cabin, walking slowly, your leg not really all that hurt but enough to make you limp a bit, she smiled, a light squeeze to your arm, “well, at least there are two girls who will see you as their savior now, just you wait, they´ll start writing you love-letters”, “anyone would have done that” you said, dismissive of the supposed bravery of your little moment of protectiveness, but she shook her head. “no, I don´t think so. you´re kind of a mama bear with them, I can tell”-

“ew Tess, not that fucking word”, she laughed, her grip on you just as firm as before, briefly turning to look at you, “don´t like that, no?”. “no. besides, I´m more of a big sister I think, you´re the.. mama as you said it. they like me but they respect you”.“I don´t know about all that”, “they do, it´s cute, they talk about you with hushed voices, all reverent. I overheard them once, they like that you´re not like their moms”, that made Tess smile, “hm, they have a point there. I sometimes think they´re scared of me though”, “no. I mean, maybe some of them, but can´t hurt, to have a tiny bit of fear in there. I´ve never seen any of them give you trouble”, she nodded, her tone low, a hint of pride in there, “oh, I´d like to see any of them try”.

“you good? we´re almost there” she asked, hoping you weren´t in too much pain, “yeah, yeah, all good, haven´t bled out yet I think”. “you sure, looking a bit pale there” she was messing with you, it felt nice, “you telling me I look bad?”, “no, never”, she realized too late that that was the kind of subtle flirty thing she´d have said to someone she was dating, not the kind of thing she´d say to an employee, so for the rest of the way she just kept her mouth shut, as you smiled to yourself, despite your bloodied shin, because slowly but surely, you were sensing that she wasn´t impossible to crack. 

once you were inside her cabin, she rushed down the hallway to get the stuff she needed from her medical kit, while you took a look around her living room that was connected to a kitchen. 

the cabin was different than yours, the layout was more like a real apartment, moderate in size but cozy, inviting, a couch with some bookshelves behind it, a fireplace, a coffee table with various candles and lighters and magazines, so for a few seconds you slowly walked around the room, until you heard her whistling your way to get your attention, she was standing in the kitchen, waving you over, “stop snooping and come here” her tone pretend-stern, you could tell that she wasn´t really bothered.“I wasn´t” you insisted as you watched her pulling out two chairs from the dining table, one to sit on and one to put your leg up on, she was impatient, not even addressing your protest, focused on getting you cleaned up, “sit down” another order, you suppressed a grin as you walked over, it felt good, to be bossed around by her, and she could tell, it wasn´t the same way with others, they sometimes perceived it as rude or cold, but there you were, almost giddy because she was being a bit authoritative, it only made the thing she had for you worse, but she kept her mind on the bandage she was cutting. 

you sat down and lifted up your leg on the chair, as she knelt down next to you, a reassuring hand on your leg as she used a wet tissue to clean up most of the blood, careful, slow, focused, in a way that felt so intimate that you felt a blush creep up on your cheeks, silent as she discarded of the tissue and looked up at you.“okay, this part always sucks but I need to make sure the wound is clean, so I´ll put some rubbing alcohol on it, alright? it will sting, but only for a few seconds”, you looked down at her, your hands in your lap, a sense of trust radiating from you. as you said “it´s fine, I can take it, don´t worry” a sudden rush of heat to her face to then, as the words “I can take it” hit her, but she pushed that feeling away and nodded, “good. you can touch me by the way, hold my arm for support or whatever” pointing to your hands, the way you were sitting there sort of shy, so you did, your hand on her shoulder.

Tess did what she had to do, a wince and clenching of your teeth, as the aforementioned sting hit you, she could feel your fingernails digging into her skin, another thing that could have distracted her, had she not been busy getting it over with as quickly as possible, so you could relax again.  “okay, done”, she caught herself just in time before “good girl” could leave her lips, a shake of her head as she went over to the trash and threw away the bloodied cloth. 

you sat there, smiling, enjoying the way she was tending to you “you´re good at this” you said, a smile from her then as she fussed with the bandage and knelt down again, slowly wrapping it around your shin, a brief glance up at you, “well, gotta be with this job, I won´t have anyone walking around with a festering wound, not on my watch”, “yeah I can tell. bet you´re good at calming them down when they get seriously injured, not just like this”, you could imagine Tess in an emergency, her being the steading presence if someone fainted, getting them in the right position and telling them in her soothing voice to mimic her pattern of breathing, you could imagine her in pretty much an serious situation as the person to look to for help, for a calming influence, it was somehow only making it all worse, your attraction to her, how gentle but deliberate she was as she finished wrapping up your wound, her fingers never shaky or fumbling with anything, your eyes on her face as her gaze was fixed on your patched-up wound, a nod from her then, “okay, this should work. we´re done here”. 

you squeezed her arm then, lightly, “thank you. it doesn´t even hurt much”. that was a relief to hear, the cut had been in an unfortunate place, right above your bone, where the skin was thin, “you´re tough, huh. didn´t complain the whole way back or just now”, you took the compliment, “not much to complain about here” you said and gestured around, vaguely, but she knew you didn´t mean her cabin or the environment outside, it was clear what you were saying, and she knew she should have pushed back a bit, said something very clearly professional and distanced then, but she didn´t want to, it was nice, to have that exchange with you. she could feel herself getting reckless, and she couldn´t stop it, not fully.

for a moment she just stood there, leaning back against the counter, taking in the sight of you, still sitting at her table, clearly a bit exhausted. “you good? need anything? a drink?”, “a drink?” you said, grinning a her,  “like what, a beer? whiskey?” she knew she´d phrased that a bit oddly, so she laughed, shaking her head, “no, I´m not stupid enough to get my workers drunk, at least not yet, but, I do have something else that might lift your spirits, now that I think about it”, initially she was gonna give you water, but she felt generous, felt like spoiling you a bit, which was not something she´d have usually done for people, but she was already past the point of pretending, you weren´t like the others to her, she could admit it to herself.

she walked over her fridge and got something out that you couldn´t identify at first, before she walked over to you and placed them in your lap, “here, knock yourself out”. the moment you realized what it was, a bottle of coke and some chocolate, your eyes lit up in a way that made her laugh then, “damn, you look like you haven´t eaten in three months, you´ve only been here for a week, sweetie”.

“well, I haven´t eaten any non-organic food in days so this- yeah this is gonna hit. where the fuck did you get this?” you asked, before taking a sip of the coke. she liked it, watching you savor something, the way you licked your lips after, “well, unlike you poor souls I have a car here. I can drive to the nearest town whenever I want”, “oh so thats what you do when you sneak off? go have fun elsewhere?”, she shook her head, “no fun, just pragmatics, I am kind of picky with my food, so, yeah, I like stocking up on stuff I can make myself”. “hm.  interesting. wanna take me with you sometime?” you asked, batting your eyelashes at her. “absolutely not, no favoritism and no outside-work shit, you know that”, it was bullshit and you both knew it, what was going on in that moment was the definition of favoritism, but you played along, “damn. your a hard-ass huh?”, licking some of the chocolate that had melted onto your fingers, her eyes drawn to your mouth yet again, her composure getting a hard hit, yet again, “only now noticing are you?”. 

“well. they´ll be back in like three hours so… you´re free to do as you please now”. “right. I can stare at a wall and bore myself to death”, she was amused, something about your dry humor matched hers, it felt familiar, “or, maybe, just a thought, you could enjoy the surroundings?”. she had a point,“I know but, the novelty has kinda worn off there”, she knew what you meant, you spent day and night under those trees, it wasn´t exactly thrilling to spend a few hours sitting there, “right. have you ever been up on the hill? the one behind the lake?”, “no, is it cool?”, “kinda, yeah, you can see pretty far from there and there´s a bench there”, you grinned, “so your secret spot?”, a shrug, a smile that gave away the answer, “sort of. but, I´d make an exception for an injured person”.

“you can put weight on it, right?”, she looked at you, that uninterrupted kind of attention that you weren´t used to, her gaze seemingly never flickering somewhere else when she was talking to you, with you. “yeah, wait let me see” you placed your foot on the floor, she instinctively held out her arm, so you could put your hand there, “it´s okay, doesn´t hurt”, she seemed relieved, still, she monitored your walk as you went towards the door, she could tell were a bit tentative still, which made her feel more protective than she should have, you weren´t dealing with a broken leg, you were fine, but she cared about you, genuinely, and for her it was rare to feel that way, so inevitably, she made it her job of sorts to look out for you. 

the way up the hill wasn´t long and she made you go in front of her once the path started inclining, to prevent any possible tripping falling, and also. if she´d met you in a dating context, in a context outside of work, that would have been the moment for her to say “let me carry you, come on” to show off her strength, to feel you against her back, holding onto her while she´d have her hands on your thighs to support you. 

she liked it when the kids' eyes went wide when she showed off her capabilities, but she missed it, having a woman to impress, having someone to maybe turn on with it. instead, she just watched you, the sight of your bandaged leg somehow deepening the tenderness she already felt for you, the sudden desire to kneel down and kiss your skin above the wound. eventually, you reach the bench and both sat down, you a bit more winded than her, catching your breath as you said “oh, yeah this is nice” while realizing how far you could look, almost all the way to the town nearby. 

for a moment you both just sat there and enjoyed the silence, the sounds of various birds, the moderate heat of a summer day that wouldn´t be unbearably but pleasantly hot, until she spoke up, “you know. this is a bit.. well not ideal, but I usually come up here to smoke” you were being trusted with a secret, you could tell, she obviously smoked up there because everywhere else a kid could see her, make a big deal out of it, tease her for it, it was clear that she wouldn´t give anyone a clue about her vices, except, you in that moment, and you wanted to think that she wouldn´t just do it with any of her employees, that not all of them were aware of her habit, “okay, not a problem with me”, you said, nonchalantly, so she raised her eyebrows, “you don´t mind?”, you shook your head “no, not at all”. 

within seconds she had her lighter and a half empty pack in her hands, quickly lighting one and taking a first drag that gave away that it had probably been a few days, a deep exhale as she leaned back and looked different than usual, more like the private version of herself, more like she probably looked around friends or lovers, her posture softer, her demeanor less intimidating. you had to be careful not to stare because she looked hot smoking, the way nonchalant blew smoke in the opposite direction of your face, which made you laugh, “it´s okay you know, you can face me”, she turned to you then, tilting her head, a challenging look, “you want me to shotgun you, huh?” she joked, leaning a bit closer to you before taking another drag. “sure, I wouldn´t mind” you said, a bit too earnestly, a beat of silence then, she shook her head, exhaling a bit closer to your face then, “you´re funny”, almost like she was saying it to herself, not to you. 

somehow, the scent of tobacco suited her, the woods around had an earthy smell anyway, it kinda matched it, a scent profile that added to her slightly masculine air, she seemed at home in the woods, they too were imposing and dangerous in some way, but comforting and still too, it reflected her, you could tell why she´d ended up there and she could tell that you were looking at her side profile, and she let you, her arm behind you on the bench, a tranquil feeling, an unusual silence, no shrieks from kids, nothing, just you there, the awareness of your body close to hers a warm, revitalizing sensation. 

“can I ask you something?” she eventually said, turning her attention back to you as you were fussing with your bandage a bit, her hand gently pulling it away, so you´d leave it alone, a hint of that caring dominance that made her so alluring to you. 

“sure, whatever you want” , you were hoping for something juicy, but she wasn´t that careless, “why´d you come here?”,  she asked, genuine interest in her eyes. you thought about it, a brief pause, her body turned more to you then. “well. to be honest, I didn´t wanna stay in my college town and I didn´t wanna go back home either, so. thought a job might be good, get away from everything. and so far, seems that I had the right idea”. she nodded, considering that, “makes sense yeah. you do seem like you´ve been here for much longer than a week. would you come back again next year?”. 

that was not what you expected her to ask, “already offering me an extension of the contract?” you said, a smile, slightly playful, she nodded, “yes, actually I am, because we don´t get new people here too often, and you´re good. would be one less job application bullshit to go through next year. besides, some of the kids will come back, and they like you, so, win-win”, you almost asked her “and you? you want me to come back too?” but the subtext was already there, you knew she wanted you to, and you knew she wouldn´t admit it. “sure, I mean, I don´t see why not. unless of course.. I fall madly in love and wanna go be an annoying happy couple on vacation” you joked, which made her laugh then, “oh sure, feel free to cancel on us if that happens, wouldn´t wanna get in the way of love” her tone was dripping in irony and you smiled to yourself, glad that you´d found a way to signal to her that you were in fact not currently in a relationship, which she´d figured before, but it felt good for her to have it confirmed, too good, she suppressed the joy that could have been read on her face then, had she been less careful. 

“I´m kinda glad that I could turn around to be honest” you said, stretching your limbs a bit and enjoying the peaceful vibe, she turned to you, “ah, let me guess, Marc and Carla, trouble in paradise earlier, huh?”. you turned to her, of course nothing passed her by,“oh so you picked up on that? that fucking dating drama” you asked, she nodded, an amused expression as she also leaned back, “oh yeah, they´ve worked here for years, they go to different colleges and always have this dramatic on and off thing going on all summer here. they´re good with the kids, so I don´t care, but I imagine it gets a bit.. tiring when you´re working together, huh?”.

you nodded, “yeah, a few days ago some girl warned me not to be too friendly with him because they´re both always crazy jealous. which is so.. like how old are we? but Carla sized me up and decided that I wasn´t competition, so”, she furrowed her brows, “really, that was her verdict there?”, her surprise was a giveaway, the subtext clearly being “if I was him, you´d be competition, for sure, she should be jealous if she saw you talking to me, because I´d maybe ditch her for you”. something along those lines was in there, so she changed the subject,“well, good for me I don´t have to deal with any of that, so”, you nodded, “yeah lucky you. but I stay out of it too, all of that is not my style, I´m not into the whole public dating mess, I like it to be a bit more.. well, private guess.”, “clever girl” she said, her eyes briefly closed, the sun hitting her face.

that was the first time she´d heard you express a preference dating wise, and it didn´t escape her, that you were basically saying “I don´t mind keeping it a secret”, which was exactly what you two would have to do, if it ever came to anything. she was also relieved that you seemingly had no interest in any of them, because she had no way of knowing what went on when she wasn´t around, who you might sneak out for during the night. you were both saying thing without actually saying them, and it was a bit too exciting, the air was a bit too charged, so before anything worse could come out of her mouth, before she´d really slip up and ask something like “so, what´s your type then?” or “have any of them tried shit with you?”, she interrupted the silence, slapped her knees, and signaled that the time up there was up.

“okay, come on, let´s go back, you should go lay down and rest for a while, you did take a bit of a fall there. gotta have you fit again for tomorrow”, so you got up too and let her help you, yet again, even though you could walk perfectly fine on your own, she let you link arms with her, your supposed unsteadiness a good cover for the casual intimacy, the way you were touching without assigning it any other meaning than “she needs a little help getting down the hill” when it wasn´t about that, at all. you felt yourself enjoying it, the feeling of her flannel, soft against your bare arm, the faint smell of smoke lingering on her, watching her from time to time as she spoke, her eyes pretty in the midday sun, your gaze constantly drawn back to them to figure out if they were light green or blue or both. 

you were near your cabin then, so she turned to face you, and it hit both of you at the same time, that the vibe was the exact same as at the end of a date, that charged, slightly awkward moment of “are we gonna kiss? should I go in for the hug? should I do anything at all? is she gonna?”. 

you hadn´t even thought about it but the previous hour or so you´d spent together was far off from any professional exchange, it was tinged with something intimate, the feeling of dancing around someone as you´re figuring out if a crush is requited, so for a moment you both just stood there staring at each other, waiting, until she found way to bring the mood to a more neutral one again, at least slightly, “so, you go and rest, and after dinner come back to my place for a moment, so we can switch that out for a band-aid” she pointed at your shin, “that will be nasty after a shower, so”. she was thinking ahead more than you were, that practicality hadn´t crossed your mind at all, and in a way you thought, “is she looking for an excuse to see me again?” because she could have just told you to ask someone from the team for a bandaid later, surely someone would´ve had one, but she specifically told you to come to her. it was not clear, but you felt like reading into it, so you did, allowing yourself a bit of hope as you nodded, “sure, yeah I´ll come over when I´m done showering”. 

after you parted ways, you didn´t even take off your shoes before laying down on your bed, your legs dangling off the edge as you dozed off, half-asleep as you tried to cling to the sensation of sitting next to her, talking to her, the giddiness that she made you feel without even trying. 

you had vague dreams about her, fantasies that you´d briefly indulged in playing out in your mind as you slept, you and her sitting next to each other at some assembly, her touching you under the table, in the dream you were lovers, you could tell, from the smile she gave you, the kind that said “can´t wait to be in private with you again”. when you woke up from the noise of everyone returning to camp, you were groggy and hot from the vision you´d just had, disoriented until you looked at your bandaged leg and realized what day it was, what had happened. 

for the next few hours, the girls you were responsible for all doted on you as if you´d broken your leg, even though you could walk just fine, you could tell they loved acting like little caretakers for that afternoon, bringing you water and snacks and presenting you with flowers they´d brought back from the hike. until dinner you were busy with all that, and then, after you´d all eaten and you were done showering, you found yourself growing nervous because it was time to go over to Tess´s place. you took more time than other nights when picking out what to wear to bed, you looked at yourself in the mirror for longer, until you told yourself to stop making it all bigger than it was, that you were just going to her to get your injury checked up on, and yet, you felt the jitteriness you would have felt before a date, not the kind you´d feel before a doctor´s appointment, hope bubbling up inside of you, not dread. 

on your way over, the evening air did help a bit with relaxing and getting yourself together, until you knocked on her door and she opened it looking different than you´d seen her any of the days before, a shock to your system. Tess leaned against the doorframe, dressed in baggy plaid shorts that reached until her mid-thigh, vaguely reminiscent of boxer shorts, a white t-shirt that was worn out in way that made the fabric hug her figure perfectly without being tight at all, and, you realized that for the first time you were seeing her without shoes, just a pair of white socks that went up over her ankles. the white accentuated her tan and it was clear that she´d also just gotten done showering because her skin was glowing, her face looked younger somehow, her hair was down, and that first glimpse of her alone was enough to feel nervous again, you were seeing her the way lovers would see her if they came over at night, it was intimate in a way, to see each other like that, and she didn´t let it show, but she had similar feelings after she said “hey there” and waved you in, a brief flicker of her gaze over your body when you walked inside ahead of her, glad that she had an excuse to touch you. 

the vibe of her place at night was even better than during the day, she´d lit a few candles and a round orange lamp cast the living room in a soothing warm light. she saw you looking over at the kitchen, so she said “oh, you can just sit on the couch, it won´t take long”. you almost said “please take as long as you want” but stopped yourself and did as she told you, taking your place, sinking into the cushion, your hands on your knees, another look around the room as she went to her bathroom and got everything she needed. you briefly talked about the rest of the day when she returned, you telling her “the girls tried to play nurse with me”, which made her smile, a glance down to where you were sitting as she approached you, “they´re trying to take my job, huh”, more of that hope you´d felt earlier, you could feel that something was in the air, it was more intense than earlier. 

“so, how is it, does it hurt still?” she asked as she knelt down next to you and used a small pair of scissors to carefully cut off the bandage that had gotten damp in the shower, a shake of your head, “no, I think it´s fine”, already a warm expression on your face because you loved being tended to by her, it was not what you were used to, to have someone take care of you like that, even just in small ways, it didn´t feel small, to see the concern in her eyes when she removed the bandage, and said “okay, there´s some bruising here. but the wound itself doesn´t look too bad without the blood, I don´t think it will scar” she almost added “either way, a scar wouldn´t take away from your beauty”. for a moment she held your leg still, taking in the sight of the purple and red bruises below your knee that would soon turn green, a sting in her chest, the urge to lean in and kiss the tender skin, a brief moment of wishing she could just throw caution out of the window and ask you to stay the night, so she could take care of you, hold you, whatever you wanted her to do. 

instead, she cleared her throat and reached over to peel the plastic off the bandaid and placed it so that I wouldn´t crease or come off too easily, her fingertips light as she was focused on final act of medical care for you. 

she had no idea how affectionately you looked at her the entire time she knelt before you, too busy with what her hands were doing, but after she said “okay good, all done here” and gave you a light pat on your thigh, she saw a trace of it in your eyes, you weren´t hiding it well, and maybe you weren´t even trying anymore.

she got up and knew that that was the moment where she should say “okay then. have a good night and I will see you tomorrow!”, she knew what she “should” have done, but just like you, she was growing increasingly worse at caring about all of that, it was simple: she liked having you there and you obviously liked being there, so she wouldn´t interrupt that moment, not yet. 

her rationality was fading into the background as her body, her spirit took over. Tess had gone so long without close relationships, without even so much as a crush or a fling, that she had convinced herself she was fine without it, but being confronted with you had shattered that belief. it felt like she´d lived in a perpetual dark landscape for a while and had told herself that it was fine that way, that her eyes were well-adjusted to, only to be stunned by a sudden light, drawn in by it, warmed by it. it was pointless to tell herself “you´re her boss, make her leave, stop this”. she stood there for a moment but went to sit down on the other side of the couch quickly after, careful to leave some distance. as she sat down, you stretched your limbs and groaned lightly, your muscles a bit sore from the days of outdoor activity, and she felt her whole face go hot when she caught a glimpse of your midriff. “fucking hell” she thought, when you leaned back and your shirt rode up from your attempt to alleviate some tension, thankful when you pulled it back down and got comfortable, turning to face her. 

she wasn´t trying to look hot but she did anyway, there was no position she could have sat in that would have made you enjoy the view less, so you gave her a genuine smile, and started a conversation. 

“so. what do you do here all night?” you asked, glancing around the room. her face gave away that she was amused, and you realized that it had come out a bit suggestively, “well I mean-”, she finished the question for you, “you mean, what do I do with all my alone time here?”, you nodded, “yes. you never have guests or anything, right?”, she shook her head, “no. just me”, unsure if it was relief that she could read in your expression, relief over her clear lack of a dating life.

“do you drink?” you asked then, which made her laugh, “you think I need to get drunk to enjoy my own company, hm? I´m that insufferable?”, you rolled your eyes, “you know what I mean”, she liked it, riling you up a bit, she´d always done it with girls she had a thing for. “yeah, I mean, sure I drink, I smoke, as you know, moderately. but I am not all that different than you guys, I download films and shows when I am in the office building, I watch some stuff here and there, or I read, sit outside when it´s a nice evening, or.. you know, just stare at the walls and lose my mind” she added, while crossing one leg over the other, her hand on her thigh, her body titled towards you, her demeanor completely different than during the day. there was something open and soft about her at that hour, something you hadn´t seen outside of her place, and it was predictably just as attractive to you, if not more.

“hm, sounds kinda nice to me. I mean, I do get the appeal of all of this” you said with a slightly wistful tone, clearly insinuating that your life back in college was less vitalizing for your spirit, less relaxing, she liked the sound of that, since she didn´t know what you really thought about your job, “yeah? that´s good. so, your verdict after the first week is not that you don´t feel horrible dread at the idea of being here all summer?” she said, nudging your arm briefly, reckless, she shouldn´t have touched you, shouldn´t have given you another taste, your eyes changed, a sparkle, “yes, for sure. I mean, on my first day I was kind of stunned by my weird decision to come here, I won´t lie, but I´m glad I did, it´s good for me I think”, that first part made her laugh, she was playing with the hem of her shorts absentmindedly, her fingers running over her own skin, your gaze drawn down there. “yeah you are kind of different than the others, makes sense that you felt a bit out of place initially”.

“different? like in a freak way?” you teased, of course you knew that she was trying to say that you occupied a special place in her mind, that she was admitting to you that you were unique in her eyes, but you also knew the way to get to her was through humor, through indirect flirting. she nodded, visibly pleased by the vibe that was slowly building up between you, “sure, yeah that´s what I meant, you´re odd as hell”. 

for a moment you both smiled to yourselves, silence until she realized that while you were there, she might as well be a good host, “i´ts kinda warm still, do you want something to drink?” you nodded, glad that she seemed to be in no hurry to make you leave, “yeah, sure”. while she went over to the kitchen, you looked at the coffee table and saw a half empty pack of sour candy, which was kind of endearing to you, the fact that she of all people had a sweet tooth. you grabbed the bag to put a few of them in your mouth, chewing and enjoying the intense flavor with a hint of mischief in your eyes when she came back with two opened cans of soda.

“oh sure, just go ahead, feel free” she said, trying to sound annoyed but failing miserably, way too charmed by the way you sat there and licked the sugar off your lips. “is she doing that un purpose?” she thought. the thing that made it so hard for her to resist you, was the you seemed so at ease around her. nothing turned her off faster than apprehension, Tess might have come across as aggressive at times, but with other women, she was anything but that, she had to be sure that someone wanted to pursued in order to do it. she had never been the type to beg people or to run after them, nothing killed the mood for her like a feeling of “is she actually into me?”. so, seeing you lounge on her couch like it was your own, obviously glad to be there, all smiley and content, it made her wonder “why am I holding back exactly? I know what would make her even happier right now”. 

you put the bag down and took the drink from her, a polite “thank you very much”, followed by a big sip and a sigh, the orange taste a nice mix with the peach flavor of the candy you´d just eaten. you briefly pressed the cold metal to your cheek, a nice contrast on a summer night. it made Tess look over at you with a mix of desire and tenderness, she was painfully aware of your body, and you of hers, all of your talking was just a thin veil over the reason you were really sitting there: to watch each other. to feel each other close. to get a rush from it all. 

you were both hyper-sensitive to everything about each other, the way your bare skin looked in the dim light, that space on your thighs where your shorts stopped, your voices lower and quieter than during the day, easy to get turned on by, your faces glowing from the mix of sun-exposure and a fresh shower, a distinct scent to the both of you that the other was able to pick up on. you tried not to stare at her hands, she tried not to stare at your legs, while you both drank and stayed quiet, which only made the tension worse each passing second. 

she was the one to speak again, “you´re kinda hard to figure out, you know” she said, eyeing you with interest. “I could say the same thing” you responded, your tone unmistakably flirty by that point, she smiled, trying to look unfazed, even though she was close to breaking. “well, that´s not your job sweetie, I´m the one in charge, I should know what I am working with”. the way she said that went straight to your core, the way she invoked her authority only made you want her more, an undeniable thrill at the thought of making her cross a boundary she normally wouldn´t. 

“well, I am not hiding anything” you went on, taking another sip of the drink before setting it down on the table and moving closer to her when sitting back again, she noticed and felt her heartbeat speed up, her face grow hot. she shook her head, a faint scoff, “I don´t buy that for a second. everyone hides some things.” you challenged her, sensing the sudden opening in your dynamic, the threshold you wanted to cross so desperately, “what is that you´re hiding then?”, she smiled, stubbornly fighting back against your attempt to catch her off guard, “we were talking about you, not me”.“I´d prefer to talk about you though”, you wouldn´t let it go, she´d have to be meaner to get you to back off. 

Tess was quiet for a second, you looked at her, she seemed to be debating something, and you felt it, that you were both close to losing your composure. your bodies betrayed you, you were both breathing too heavy to mask your thoughts. 

you knew her, you knew she would not allow herself to make the first move, you´d have to show her what you wanted, so you pushed your nervousness aside and tried on shamelessness instead. 

you moved closer to her side of the couch and brushed her leg with yours, a complete change in her expression, immediately, she didn´t know you had it in you, wasn´t prepared for it, for any of the things you made her feel. for once in her life, she felt weak. she uttered your name under her breath as you touched her thigh, her eyes shut for a second, but the way she said it didn´t sound like a warning, it sounded like a plea, like she was saying “come here”. 

so, finally, you leaned forward and grabbed her face to kiss her. 

for a second, she didn´t move, didn´t do anything, she wanted to feel you come onto her, wanted to make you work for it, your kiss eager and lingering, a pause before you realized that she wasn´t gonna push you off, didn´t want you to stop, then another kiss, waiting for to join in, and all of a sudden, there was complete change to her, like you´d turned on a switch, like her whole body woke up at once. 

“yes”, you thought, “this is what I wanted”: she grabbed your face and kissed you back, a confidence and ease to her kissing, that made you weak in the knees, her lips warm against yours, impossible to keep it tame, a needy sound from you, that made her need you even closer, so she grabbed your thigh and pulled you onto her lap, not fully straddling her but draped over her, the kissing turning more desperate by the second, your tongues touching, hot and sweet, your tastes swirling into one as you made out. 

you moved your hips and felt yourself growing impatient, you were burning up for her, you wanted more, so you climbed fully onto her, her hands on your waist, a groan from her as you leaned forward and pushed your fingers into her hair, to tilt her head and kiss her again, your lips swollen red by that point, the divine sensation of her bare thighs under yours turning you on even more. she nearly lost her mind from the feeling of you moving on top of her, her hands roaming over your back under your shirt. the moment she did that, you pulled away out of breath and helped her out, tearing it off to reveal your upper body in its naked for to her, and  the way she looked at you then was enough to want to give yourself over to her entirely, there was both reverence and hunger in her eyes, something soft and violent at once, “you´re so fucking beautiful…” she whispered, out of breath, before she pulled you close and kissed your neck, your head thrown back, pure bliss as she covered your entire neck in kisses, ran her tongue over the sensitive spot under your jaw, slowly making her way down, her hands grabbing your tits as she did this, eliciting soft moans.

you felt bold and sighed “wanna put them in your mouth?”. Tess didn´t hesitate, she´d always been into it, always had a thing for it, and it had been too long, so you saying that made her abandon all restraint. she put her mouth to one of your tits while gently squeezing the other, kissing at first, before circling your nipple with her tongue, a whine from you that made her want to hear more, so she sucked on it, hard enough to make you fear you might just cum from that, a heat between your legs, a throb, a sudden helplessness to you as she switched between sucking and kissing your tits, self-indulgent, lost in the softness of it, the bliss of having you unravel on top of her, giving you pleasure from something that brought herself pleasure too, deeply. she held back with biting because she knew you´d wear a bikini out again and didn´t need a hickey there, but the desire to bruise you was there, the desire to leave her mark, you could tell, from the hums of pleasure that escaped her, the slight pain from being sucked raw by her. 

eventually you grew sick with lust, so she stopped and faced you, soothing you in your state of utter need, “you good?” her lips glistening with her own spit, you nodded, your voice cracked and husky, “yeah, so good.. I just. fuck-” you held onto her arms, “can we go to your room please?” you said, followed up by another “please”, no chance of being subtle, you wanted her, badly. she nodded, also worked up and fighting an ache at her core, that was growing unbearable, that could only be relieved by getting more of you. “yes, come, let me take care of you”. you climbed down from her and she grabbed your hand to lead you to her bedroom, neither of you registering a single thing about your surroundings, overwhelmed by that unfathomable heat rushing your system, painful and in the most exhilarating way, that moment right before getting what you wanted, almost sick with anticipation, your bodies vibrating with it, the thought “finally, finally, finally she´s mine”. 

once you were in her room you quickly pushed down your shorts, not even waiting for her to help, your underwear too, no need to pretend or wait any longer. the second you were fully nude, she found herself at a loss. your body was perfectly lit by a small lamp on her bedside table, your silhouette like you were a vision of an angel, she stared in awe, forgetting for a second that she was allowed to touch you, that you were waiting for it, that everything she´d dreamed of was being offered to her.

you sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for her to come over to you. you looked at her as she took her place, standing between your legs, her hands on either side of your face, your eyes soft and docile as you stared up at her, a smile of disbelief on her face as she pushed her hands up into your hair and watched you surrender to her touch, your head tilted back, your throat exposed, inviting, everything about the picture of eager submission. “god, you´re fucking perfect” she whispered, caressing you, watching you lean into it,“are you really sure about this?” she asked then, unwilling to do a single thing you weren´t truly dying for, an instant nod from you, a pleading tone, “yes, I need this, I need you, I´ve wanted this all week” you confessed, almost stumbling over your words, a nod from her as you grabbed her waist then and pulled yourself forward, towards her, your fingers moving to the hem of her shirt, a brief sound of protest from her.

“please let me see you, you´re so beautiful”, you begged, and she was defenseless against that, so she pulled her shirt up and pulled down her shorts, which left her in her underwear and bra, a simple black one, that revealed more of her cleavage than you´d ever seen out during the day, your hands immediately on her sides, sliding down, a shiver as she felt you touch her bare skin. you were in awe the same way she had been before, the sight of her strong upper body, her subtly defined abs, the point where her waist dipped in slightly, the warmth and softness of her skin, it all surpassed what you´d dreamed of, and she could tell, so she gently pushed you back against the bed, waiting for you to move and lay back, so she could climb over you. the moment you were on your back, she moved on top of you, your body flush against hers then, your hands on her neck as you went in for another kiss, desperate as you felt her chest pressed against yours, her thighs brushing yours, the full body contact driving you insane. you held onto her as you started making out, an instant rhythm, your hips moving up, hers pressing down, whimpers and sighs as you kissed and grew needier and needier, grinding up against each other, savoring the complete melting together of your bodies. 

for a few minutes you got lost in the heat of kissing, desperate to draw out the sweet feeling of a makeout that grew more and more uninhibited and intimate each second, a slow, nasty kind of kissing that was enough to make you both moan into each others mouths without shame, a delicious friction where your hips kept meeting, where your thighs were rubbing together, she moved her hands from your face to your chest and that broke the kiss because you were too worked up, too turned on from her kneading your tits, so she moved her lips to your neck instead, pleased by your sighs, your nails lightly scratching her back. 

Tess couldn´t wait any longer, so she looked at you and whispered “I wanna taste you, do you want me to?”, an instant “yes, please”, there was nothing you wanted more in that moment, both of you were dying for it, so she moved herself down between your legs and kissed your thighs while settling down between them, gently pushing them apart to have enough space, a few light bites to your inner thigh. you leaned back and tried not to sound too pathetic already, deep breaths as you surrendered to her.

the second her tongue touched you, you whined, so she caressed your thighs and looked up at you. she was starved, for the taste, the scent, the feeling, so she took her time, a slow up and down movement of her tongue between your lips, a few kisses in between, broad strokes to work you up, before she felt you growing impatient and spread you open, her mouth on you as she pushed her tongue in deeper, building up a rhythm that was intense but not too fast yet, exactly what you needed to lay back and relax, to open your legs a bit wider and sink into the heavenly feeling. 

she knew what she was doing, you could tell, from the start you felt free to let go and enjoy yourself, unselfconscious as you moaned quietly, her fingers firm on your thighs as she got into it and made sounds of pleasure herself, she was clearly not just doing it to please you but to please herself too, you could feel it, from how she switched between licking and sucking, from how she lapped up your wetness with devotion, that she was the type to eat pussy out of her sheer need for the taste, the sensation of being slick with someones cum, and her eagerness only turned you on more, your hips bucking up as she increased the pressure and speed, sloppy, lewd sounds as she got a high from being trapped between your legs, pure heaven for her, to feel your hot and throbbing against her lips, to have you all weak and open like that, to see you spread out on her bed, your chest rising and falling rapidly, your mouth open. 

the thing she did then just made you feel even more insane with lust, she grabbed your hands that had been holding onto the sheets, and din´t let go, giving you a reassuring squeeze as you kept holding hands, something deeply romantic and intimate about it, the act of interlacing your fingers with hers while she was focused on making you feel as good as possible. she loved feeling the instant effect of her tongue-fucking from the way your fingers tightened around hers harder when she hit certain spots, a signal for her to stay focused, to be relentless about it, fast flicks of her tongue then, over and over, your cunt raw and pulsing to a point of overwhelm, “fuck, that feels so good”, you praised, breathless, a whispered, “god, you´re a fucking dream” from her before she targeted your clit and applied more pressure, her tongue broad and flat at first, a softer kind of friction, a warmth spreading all the way through you, your hips still moving to meet her mouth, lost in the dream-like feeling of being hidden away in her room, held in place and tended to, then, she only used the tip of her tongue, harder and more intense flicks, that quickly forced louder moans out of you, the sound so hot to her that she involuntarily rocked her hips too. 

she let go of your hands then to hold your thighs in place as she kept you from moving up the bed even an inch, sucking on your clit then to really give you the final push, and what she did then was a move you didn´t expect and weren´t prepared for, she interrupted the intense sucking on your clit to bring one of her hands up to your slick core and aggressively rubbed all fingers but her thumb over your sensitive lips and clit, a few seconds of that, a helpless whine from you, a pleading “fuck Tess…”, before she licked over your clit again and kept switching between those two actions in intervals that absolutely wrecked you. 

you had no idea where to put your hands, so you ended up squeezing your own tits as she fucked you to a point of ecstasy, eventually returning to only using her tongue when she felt you nearing your orgasm, “fuck, don´t stop, please” you cried, as she sucked even harder than before. her hands gripped you as your back arched up because you felt the climax spreading from your core to the rest of your body with a burning, rapid heat, your muscles all tense, your cunt soaked and throbbing under Tess´s lips, your eyes shut and pathetic moans falling from your lips as you came, your hands in her hair and your hips rocking up to ride it out. she held her tongue in place and got lost in the bliss of feeling you hold her in place, feeling your sweet taste get smeared all over her lips and chin, hums of pleasure as she patiently witnessed your orgasm in all its beauty, your inner thighs soft against her cheeks as you pressed them together, your high-pitched sounds, your naked body all angelic looking in the dim light. 

Tess loved few things more than making women cum, it addictive to her, the feeling of pleasing someone so well that they were left all blissed out and speechless, which was exactly how she left you in that moment. once you had tired yourself out and savored the full effects of your finish, you slowly calmed down again, your legs shaking and your whole body on fire as you went slack and tried to catch your breath. Tess was still between your legs, looking up at you with a satisfied smile before she kissed your inner thighs, softly, while whispering “such a sweet girl, hm”, lost in a feverish affection for you, out of breath and turned on to a point of soaking her underwear from all the sounds you´d just made for her. 

after a moment of gentle care, she moved up to sit next to where you were laying and put her hand to your cheek, a smile from you then, “that felt really good” you said, genuine, unable to make any jokes, she smiled back at you, her hand traveling down to your chest. she could tell from the way you were moving your legs a bit, from the slight restlessness, that you might not be fully done yet, a gentle tone as she asked, “do you want a bit more?”.

you were worn out but not to an unpleasant degree, and you did want to keep going, so you nodded, a hand on her arm, “yes. might need a bit of help though” you laughed a quiet laugh that made her heart melt, she was determined then, “I´ll give you all the help, don´t you worry, I´ve got this. come on, sit up for me” she gave your thigh a light slap and moved to the middle of the bed to kneel. “come here” she beckoned you towards her and didn´t have to say it twice, you mirrored her position and got on your knees too, right across from her, your hands on her shoulders for support. she looked at you, her hands on your waist for a second, “you wanna ride my fingers? would you like that, hm?”, she would never push you to do anything you didn´t feel thrilled about, so she made sure, but you were eager, “yes, please”, so she leaned closer and breathed against your lips as she put her hand to where you were still wet and slowly pushed two of her fingers into you, a gasp from you, a tightening of your hands on her arms. “you good?” she asked, “yeah, keep going”, you breathed, needy and desperate to feel her inside of you. Tess knew how to do it, she let you adjust to it as you felt yourself stretching around her, until she was knuckle deep and kept her hand still for a moment, so you could find a good position, a whining sound, a sighed “fuck..” as you slowly started moving. the thing that drove you insane almost immediately was that she wrapped her free arm around your lower back to hold you close and support you, that tender care she always showed even while dominating, a reassuring grip on you as you were face to face and you fucked yourself on her fingers, trying to see what pace to go at, your eyes shut, a deep ache at your core that was even more intense from all the stimulation you´d gotten before. you were still raw and it made her fingers slide in and out with an ease, the sensation of the hot, soft inside of your cunt, the wetness all over her fingers, enough to make Tess lose her mind too, her lips parted, her mind taken over by the thought “I´m gonna die from this, she´s too beautiful”. 

you threw your head back and found an angle that made her fingers hit you at the exact right spot, so you let her hold you as you moved your hips, that were sore by that point. she was cooing at you, her tone soft as she said “that´s it, keep going sweetie”, her fingers curling up inside of you to help you out, to hit your weak spot, overwhelmed by the dream-like feeling of having you so close, in that utterly vulnerable state, all hers to please and admire. 

you clung to her, a cry as you felt yourself lose all composure, “fuck, fuck, Tess” a kiss to your cheek from her then, whispered encouragements, “I know, shh, it´s okay, I got you, breathe”,  she could tell that you weren´t in pain but fully lost in the intense pleasure of it all, so she talked you through it and held you tight, her hand firmly between your legs, never moving away, letting you use her fingers however you wanted, your hips more frantic as you chased another orgasm, both of you at risk of thinking you were in love then, as you breathed heavy in unison and felt each other´s body heat radiating, smelled each other´s scent, a dizzying mix of being freshly showered but sweat-striken, a hint of sweetness to it, her lips on your neck, taking it in, kissing you where you had given her perfect access from leaning back against her arm, your head turned to the ceiling. 

“fuck I´m close” you sighed, followed by a serious of moans, which made her tighten her arm around your back, “good, I wanna see you cum again, pretty girl” she breathed, watching you intently, which gave you a final push, her intense gaze, her steadiness and strength as you took your hand and rubbed your clit to really finish hard, a mess by that point. the second climax was less violent but somehow deeper in your core, an intense shudder as you felt yourself clenching around her fingers and moved your hand away to hold onto her neck, your hips slowing down until you were truly exhausted and put your head on her shoulder for a second. she slowly moved her fingers out of you and wrapped her arms around your back to support you during the aftershocks, your limbs soft, your body hot, a content sigh, that made her rub her hands up and down and whisper, “you good now, hm? enough?”. you gave a tired laugh and peeled yourself away from her chest to face her, to give her a kiss, the taste of you still faintly on her lips. “it´s hot that you´d keep going, but if you did more right now I´d pass out” you said, which she took as a compliment, a pleased smile, watching you as you crawled back towards the pillows and slumped down onto your back, your eyes shut for a second, bliss written all over your face. 

Tess moved up from the bed then, to open the window next to her nightstand and let some fresh air in. during sex she´d never keep it open, but it was safe to do it when you were just talking, since the other cabins were far away and her bedroom window faced the forest. 

afterwards, she claimed the empty side of the bed, laying on her side as she looked at you, her finger tracing your outline, enamored by your post-sex glow, the relaxation and joy you excluded, the knowledge that she had it in herself to make you feel that way, the urge to do it all over again, as soon as possible. you felt similarly struck by your intense affection for her and reached out to take her hand, laying it on your stomach and turning to get a better view of her, her beautiful, strong physique in just her underwear, your leg draped over hers to have some skin contact. 

you both looked at each other then and shared a smile that said “what even is there to say right now?” because nothing seemed like a proper way to just start talking again after everything that had just happened, after your lives had drastically changed in just under an hour. 

“you want me to be obsessed with you, don´t you?” you asked, which made her laugh, a faux-bashful batting of her eyelashes at your admission that she was a great lover. “couldn´t hurt. I mean, now that I have broken my rule of not getting involved with anyone who works here, might as well do it right, go all in”. the way your face lit up when you realized what she´d just implicitly told you, was incredibly sweet to her, the apparent relief you felt over being special in that way, a bit of pride in there too maybe. you leaned closer to her then, “wait, really? you never did this before, ever?”, she shook her head, amused by your disbelief, flattered by your belief that she might be a bit of a player, “no, and that´s why I kind of lost my fucking mind this week, because I thought I was fine on my own but uh… turns out celibacy really isn´t for me after all.” that made you smile, “I´m glad I could help then” you joked, playing with her hair a bit, she nodded, a caress over your side. 

you both could have asked each other a million things then, but it was not the moment for that yet, you wanted to let your intimacy expand in that warm, dark room, to use the time you had in private for wordless affection, to bask in the glow of that first revelation as new lovers. 

your strength had come back, so you moved on the bed and got on top of her, your legs on either side of her thighs, smiling down at her, her hands on your waist, as you saw how much she liked having you on herself like that. “you´re killing me you know” she whispered, “am I?” you said, grinning, before leaning down and kissing her neck, a sigh from her, a moment of you  being in charge and making her feel good, before she grew too hot from the feeling of your lips and tongue on her pulsepoint and pulled you down, to have you laying on her, her arms firm around your back. the second she did that, you gladly surrendered, your cheek against her chest, the front of your body full engulfed in her warmth, a deeply soothing feeling, a soft gust of wind in the room, the faint sound cicadas outside, a moment that you wished you could live in forever.

she spoke, quietly, her voice low, “I wish you could sleep here”, a sigh after. you knew why you couldn´t of course, but you wanted her to know you also desperately wished you could stay, “I can´t?” you said, your tone dramatic, clearly overdoing it, which made her smile. she traced patterns on your back. “I mean, if you want me to lose my job, feel free to get caught leaving my place tomorrow morning”, that made you laugh, reminded of the fact that you were technically doing something that was considered scandalous and fucked up, even though it felt so pure and sacred. “oh I´d just take the fall for you, don´t you worry. I´d say I drugged you or something”.

Tess laughed, she loved having someone with her who matched her humor effortlessly, “okay easy on the savior complex, I appreciate the sentiment though. but we´ll just have to get creative, we´ll find ways, I will think of something”, you agreed, eager and emphatic, “yes, exactly. and sneaking around is kinda hot, isn´t it?”. Tess knew what you meant, it did add a layer of eroticism to it all, the fact that you´d have to restrain yourselves in front of others, “sure, yeah. a bit of torture, why not ”, you looked up at her then,“torture? that bad huh?”, she put her hand on your head, gently, ruffling your hair a bit, “yes. but then again, building up tension could be good. for you.” a suggestive tone, a sparkle of desire in your eyes, “oh I know. looking forward to it”. 

you moved up to kiss her then, which ended in her pushing your to the empty side of the bed to have some control again, a lazy, late-night kind of kissing that was slower than before, the tension already relieved, so you could just melt into each other and draw it out, sensual instead of aggressive making out, smiles in between, brief breaks for her to kiss your cheek or for you to kiss her shoulder, a familiarity to it that made it fee like you´d been together many times before. both of you had gone a while without intimacy, so you shared a kind of gratitude and wonder, a feeling of “oh right. this is what I was missing”, a sudden clarity about your deep need for another woman´s care, touch, attention. 

eventually, you both realized that it had gotten late, so you knew you´d have to go to her living room and get your clothes. before you could get up to leave the room though, she said “wait, I think I have something you could use”, remembering that you´d shown up in a thin tank top and that it had probably gotten a bit chilly out. you sat at the edge of her bed, still nude, and somehow fully comfortable, her bedroom a safe haven of sorts, the sound of the forest at night, the cozy vibe of the wooden furniture and wood beams on the ceiling, it all made it hard not to sulk over having to leave. 

she went over to her wardrobe and reached up to grab something, which gave you a moment to just admire the sight of her back, her shoulder blades, her hair falling down in beautiful waves. “here” she said, as she walked back over to you and handed you a shirt, “nobody´s ever seen me wear this, so, you can keep it”, a conspirative smile. it was a black oversized t-shirt, which was worn out in a way that made it perfectly soft to the touch, you smiled back at her and stood up from the bed to pull it over your head and see how it fell down your body. “look at that, perfect” she said, a nod of approval, very into the idea of you maybe wearing the shirt out and about in the coming days, everyone else blissfully unaware that it was hers. there was certain possessiveness to the pleasure she took in that image.

once you were in the living room again, you quickly went over to the couch and picked your own top up from the floor, while she left you alone for a moment and went over to the kitchen to get a glass of water. she stood at the sink and drank a full glass in seconds, realizing just then how thirsty she had gotten, and filled it up again after to come over and hand it to you. you took it and gulped it down just as fast as her, thinking about how nice it was, to experience a simple intimacy like sharing a glass with someone, she could have given you your own, but she opted for the romantic option, which made you feel hopeful. 

something about the way she treated you seemed far from casual or like you were a hook-up to her, it was somehow an unspoken thing between you, that you´d behave like girlfriends even though you weren´t, that you´d skip the awkwardness and guessing games and go straight into the depth of your affection, without fear or shame, without thinking “it won´t last, what´s the point”. there was a generosity in your connection, an immediate willingness to bear the uncertainty and potential heartbreak of being so into each other but so unfit for a proper relationship, there was no question about it, you would not ruin the joy you felt by comparing your affair to something conventional, you were both too glad to finally have someone you felt so seen by, someone you simply liked to be around, as much as possible. 

both you and Tess walked towards her front-door after you were done drinking, standing there, face to face, her leaning against the wall, you staring at her, quiet and unsure how to part ways. you wanted to go in for an embrace but weren´t sure if she wanted you to, which she could read in your body language, so she stepped forward and helped you out. she put her arms around your back and felt you relax immediately, your head in the crook of her neck, your hands on her lower back, a satisfied sigh, your eyes closed, as you said “fuck. I really don´t wanna leave”. 

she smiled, you could feel her nod, “and I don´t want you to. but, I will think of something for the next few days, we will have time alone again, I will go fucking insane otherwise, so”, you laughed then, you knew that she was strong-willed, so you trusted her to figure it out, besides, you had a few ideas of your own on how to be in private. you stole a bit more time with Tess by staying in her arms for a bit longer, not moving, trying to soak up the last bit of her warmth that you would get that night, until you let her go and put your hands on her shoulders to look into her eyes, deeply, with urgency. “I hope you can tell that this isn´t just some random crush or fling for me. I really like you, Tess”. 

it touched her that you were brave enough to spell it out, so she returned the honesty, a tender smile, “I can tell, yes. and it´s the same for me. I wouldn´t just do this for fun, I care about you, in whatever way I can or should. I just want you to feel comfortable, alright?” you put your hands on her face then, “I always feel comfortable around you. that´s why I´m here, I feel good with you”, the plain way you put that went straight to her core, she shook her head and laughed quietly, “okay, you need to go, or I will do something stupid and let you stay”, “well, I´ll go then. let you keep your job for a bit longer”, she nodded, “thank you. very generous. besides-” she pointed behind you at a small clock on the wall “you broke curfew. it´s 10:20”, a grin as she said this. “damn. am I in trouble now?” you joked. she shook her head while stepping forward and whispered “no, I´ll excuse it” before tilting your head back and giving you a soft kiss goodnight. 

you both braced yourselves for the separation then, she opened the door for you and felt a cool gust of wind rush into the room, goosebumps as you stepped out onto the porch and put on your shoes that you´d left there. the night sky was dark but a few stars were visible, the forest was both eerie and calming at that hour, it felt cinematic almost, how you both stood there and gave each other a longing last look. “goodnight, sweet dreams” Tess said, leaning against the doorframe the same we she had when she´d let you in earlier, that same confident stance, but a different expression, her feelings for you more transparent, no effort to hide anything anymore. “you too. see you tomorrow” you said, before tearing your eyes away and walking down the few steps to make your way back. 

the walk back was bittersweet. you wanted nothing more than to turn right back around and beg her to let you stay. you wanted to get under the covers with her and fall asleep in her arms and wake up in the middle of the night to find that she had her back turned to you and to wrap yourself around her and to to wake up the next morning while she was already in the kitchen making coffee. that would have been the dream. but, there was also something beautiful about having a moment to yourself, to process everything that had just happened, in disbelief as you thought: “she liked me all along. she wanted to kiss me. she wanted to touch me. she wanted to hold me. she wants to do all of it again. she´s mine, for now, she´s all mine.” you almost skipped the steps up to the cabin, giddy and beaming with love. you quietly let yourself in and found all the girls sleeping soundly, so you were careful not to make a sound as you walked to your room, that was located at the very back of the cabin. 

while you were doing that, Tess had decided against taking another shower because she wanted everything to linger. she left the glass that you´d drank from on her coffee table, she left the bag of candy right where you´d dropped it, the pillows exactly how you´d abandoned them when you´d gone to her room. every proof that she had of your stay, she wanted to preserve, at least til the morning, to remind herself that it hadn´t all been a dream. 

the thing that made falling asleep so heavenly for her that night, was that her bedsheets still smelled like you, not intensely, but enough for her to press her face against the fabric and breathe in with her eyes closed and her mind flooded with flashes of from before, the way you´d looked at her before kissing her, the way your hands felt on her back, the way you sighed for her touch. Tess fell asleep smiling, which was not a regular occurrence. 

it took you a while to fall asleep, but for once, it was because being awake was too good to cut it short. you laid in bed, in total silence, the moonlight shining through the curtains, and let your mind wander. it was that unmatched feeling of having such intense feelings for someone that you suddenly loved everyone and everything, out of nowhere, you saw the beauty in your situation, the utter luck you´d had with coming to the place you found yourself in, nothing but slow summer days and sun and fresh air and a life-changing connection ahead of you. 

Tess was an early riser, so the next morning she got up around 5:30 and went outside at 6:00 to take her usual walk around the camp grounds. 

she loved the solitude of it, the feeling of being the first one to greet the day, the knowledge that she´d notice if anything had disturbed the collective peace over night. it was a stunning start of the day, the sky a muted light blue as the sun rose and a light chill still hung in the air. she was in vintage levis jeans, and a grey t-shirt as she made her way towards the area where most of the cabins were located. she was lost in thought, until she saw something she usually didn´t see: a girl sitting on the steps up to her cabin. at first, she didn´t realize, but then she thought “that´s a bit too good to be true”, because it was you. 

you had slept for a good while but eventually you´d become restless and wanted to take a moment to just appreciate the sunrise on your own, similar to her, a dream expression as everything from the night before came rushing back to you, your arms wrapped around your knees, your head resting on them until you spotted her and sat upright. your bright smile gave away that you were just as pleasantly surprised as her to meet again so soon, neither of you had gone outside thinking it would happen, and it was clear from how you both struggled to mask your desire to just run up to each other. 

it was painful but also hot in a way, that you could not be too friendly in that moment because other cabin´s windows were facing you, you were out in the open, so you had to keep it cool. Tess walked close enough to balance one of her feet against the lowest step of the small staircase you were sitting on, giving you charged look while casually saying, “up so early, hm?”. you wanted to stand up and kiss her. she could tell, she was thinking the same thing. “yeah, couldn´t sleep for long. eventful night, much to process” you said, leaning back and watching her enjoy the subtext, “is that so?” her hands in her pockets, a smug expression, a nod from you, neither of you breaking eye-contact, the one act of intimacy you were safe to indulge in out in public. “and you?” you asked, “did you sleep well?”. 

Tess knew what you wanted to hear, “I did yeah. I was really worn out for some reason” a suggestiveness to the way she said it that made your cheeks flush, already eager to feel her hands on you again. you were both quiet for a second, then she spoke more earnestly, “okay listen-”, she said, which made you perk up and look at her expectantly. “I am driving into town later, and I wondered if you might wanna come with me? I could show you a good place for coffee, I have to buy some stuff, you could tag along, get out of this place for a few hours. just a thought”. she was presenting it in a friendly, unassuming way, like something she might just offer to anyone but you were aware of what she was actually saying “I thought about it and this is the easiest way to get a few hours of time together. complete privacy, out of everyoneone´s sight”. you didn´t expect her to come up with something like that so quickly, but you should have known, she was always a few steps ahead, always reliable and unlikely to disappoint. 

you were obviously all-in but you wanted to tease her for a moment, so you leaned back and eyed her with a smug grin, “I remember you saying that you don´t take people with you. no favoritism. no outside work bullshit, if I remember correctly”. she respected it, your cleverness, it turned her on frankly, to be messed with a bit, to be challenged, entertained, “well, I had a change of heart. and I do have a favorite, so, that is over anyway” a light nudge to your shoe from hers, a playful gesture she allowed herself, a second of letting herself be flirty. 

you nodded, “you´re taking me on a date then, hm” she immediately shook her head, waving her index finger in the air, “absolutely not. I´m your boss, that would be fucked up”.  you liked the game you were playing, it was somehow a good front for just how enamored you were with each other, but it shimmered through, “sure, strictly professional, got it”. 

Tess removed her foot from the step then and pulled her hands out of her pockets to stand more securely again, “I leave at 11:30 sharp, so, be in the parking lot by then” she instructed, “I´ll be there” you said, giving her a look that said “I wish I could touch you right now”, her returning it as you both told each other to have a good morning and that you´d see each other later. you watched her walk away and counted down the minutes already.

by 11:25 you made your way up the entrance of the camp and spotted Tess leaning against her car when you exited the gates. again, you couldn´t just go up and be sweet because you were still on the premises, someone could see, so you got into the car after she opened the passenger door for you and waited for her to join. she didn´t waste any time and started the car to pull onto the small winding road. you smiled and eyeed her as she pulled down the window a bit and put on the radio, waiting, patiently. the road was empty, and you were out of everyone´s sight by then, so you leaned over to her and distracted her from driving, your hands on her face to finally give her the first kiss of the day, hard and passionate because you had to keep it short, two brief feathery kisses after the proper one, before you let her go and slumped back into your seat. to know that you were still just as eager for her touch the morning after, that it hadn´t just been a late-night moment of weakness, stunned her for a second. it was still a touch surreal to her that you´d picked her of all people to shower in affection like that. 

she breathed out heavily and gripped the steering wheel hard to make sure you were safe, a grin on her face, her cheeks flushed, a glance over at you where she found you looking all happy with yourself. she reached out to touch your thigh then, a gentle caress followed by a squeeze, her eyes back on the road, “I think I don´t mind the whole sneaking around thing if this is what I´ll get from you”. you put your hand on hers, “oh that was nothing. I don´t want you to crash the car so I held back”, she nodded, aware that you weren´t bluffing, that you probably would have climbed right onto her if you could´ve. “sweet, very thoughtful.”

you closed your eyes for a moment and enjoyed the breeze coming in through your window but were ripped out of that relaxed state by a sudden buzz buzz buzz from your phone. it had connected to service again, and you hadn´t bothered to get internet access yet, so the notifications from the past days came popping up on your screen. you pulled it out of your back pocket and Tess took the opportunity to tease you a bit,“girlfriend tryna reach you?”, her tone low. you laughed, “oh yeah, sure”, and held out your phone to her to make her see the unspectacular nature of your lock screen: two messages from your phone provider, one from a college group chat, and one from your mother that was already a few days old, nothing more.

she took a brief glance at it before looking back at the road, a grin before she said, “well, that´s a bit pathetic, isn´t it?”, clearly not actually degrading you, still, you threw her a faux-offended look. “oh let´s see your phone then, miss, I don´t think I have much competition either” she nodded, amused by your attitude, you were right of course. “sure. looks like we ended up like this because we´re both lonely and desperate, huh?”. 

you both knew it wasn´t true, you´d have been into each other, even if there´d been other people you were talking to, but it was fun to mess around, so you said, “exactly, two losers”, both of you smiling to yourselves smugly then as you watched the trees passing by, the forest getting thinner as you neared the town. 

the drive wasn´t too far, so about fifteen minutes later she pulled into a parking spot and killed the engine. before moving to get out, she looked in the rearview mirror and tried to do something with her hair, to put it up. 

it reminded you of that first time you´d seen her in her office, a loving sound to your voice when you said “your hair is very pretty by the way”. it made her smile even though she was struggling with her hair tie, unsure if she should put her hair up all the way or only half. “thank you. I really don´t love it right now, though.” that gave you an idea then, “should I braid it for you? you wanna have it out of your face, right?” you asked, which made her pause what she was doing. 

Tess knew how to braid her hair but she wasn´t gonna say that, she liked the idea of having you do it, so she agreed, “okay, yeah, sounds like a good idea”. 

you told her to get out of the car because it would work better if you could stand straight behind her, so a few seconds later she was facing away from you as you gently pulled all of her hair back, taking a moment to just feel it soft in your hands, brushing it with your fingers to make sure there weren´t any knots in there. you could tell that she loved it, the sensation of what you were doing, so you took a bit longer than necessary, to part her hair into three even sections, the sound of her barely suppressing a sigh too delicious to speed to process along. 

you diligently braided her hair in a way that was not too tight, that would give it a slightly messy look, the way she usually wore it, carefully tying it together at the bottom and giving her an order for once “turn around”. it made her smile, she didn´t mind being bossed around a little, even though that was more her style. once she faced you, you pulled the braid to the front, a move that charmed her, and reached up to add a finishing touch, making her hairline look effortless and natural by pulling two face framing pieces out of the braid, a satisfied look to you then. 

“yeah. you look good, suits you” drawing out the “good”, which made her laugh, her hands on your shoulders then, “I could get used to that you know” she said, her expression soft and content, you smiled “I have more where that came from. could give you a proper massage or something”. she raised her eyebrows, her hands still on you, “well, I think I know where that would lead”, you shrugged “and?”, you were bold, yet again, and it did feel good, but she wasn´t gonna fold that easily, “and.. I´m not gonna be on the receiving end so fast”, you didn´t buy it, that she wasn´t into the idea at all, “no?”.

Tess insisted, “no. I´m the giver here, for now”, you felt like pushing her a bit, “damn. I thought I could persuade you. you dont wanna see me on my knees, no?”, she peeled herself away from you then, afraid she might flush from that way of phrasing it, “easy” her tone a bit stronger than,“you do hm, you´d love it”, you liked seeing her a bit flustered, “okay you had your fun here, we should go now” an intense look from her then that made you surrender, still, you were smiling, “I´ll bring it up again eventually, see if your feelings might have changed”. Tess just shrugged it off “sure, you go ahead and try”. secretly she was turned on by it, the feeling of having someone that eager to please her, and she knew you´d have no issue being used by her in a way, to let her have control even when she was the one unraveling, she did feel a heat from the image of you begging to touch her, have her, taste her, it could be really hot she thought, to draw it out, to watch you confess how much you wanted it, the pleasure of returning the favor for her. “we have the whole summer” she thought, “we´ll have some fun”, already dreaming of what you might get up to.

the vibe in town was peaceful and slow, the sun not too intense yet but the light golden and ideal to give the few stores a flair that gloomy weather would have made impossible. the walk to the cafe wasn´t far, so a few minutes later you were ordering your coffees, her paying for both of them as you looked around the room at the few other guests, the rustic but somehow very comforting interior, the windows all open to let fresh air in, a smile permanently frozen on your face because it felt good, to stand in her shadow, to feel what it would be like to be her girlfriend, the casual intimacy of going out for breakfast together. 

eventually, you both took your places at a table near the door as she slid a plate over to you, saying “here, eat” while pointing at the pastry she´d gotten, aware that you had only had some fruit earlier that morning, unwilling to let you remain hungry in her presence. 

the vibe between you then was sweet and charged with intense infatuation, there was a feeling on both of your parts of “I desperately wanna know more about her but I also don´t wanna bore her with obvious stupid questions”, so neither of you asked the big existential things like “tell me about your parents” or “what was your childhood like” or “what are you scared of”, but got into a rhythm of asking more specific questions that seemed less intense but naturally lead to a discussion that was exciting, that gave space for you to reveal some things that the other might be amused or entertained or touched by, her dropping some things about her wilder years when she still lived in a big city, when she did shit that you could not compare to any of your stories, you confiding in her about how it was to finally move away from home, how your first months at college went, how you settled in, the better moments, the darker ones too. 

there was a contrast to both of your lives, not just because of the age difference, that made it easy be fascinated by each other, to keep wanting more information, to try and get a full picture of who you were so enthralled by, it was a rewarding and enjoyable task, to sit there and look at each other, to pay full attention, to smile and be charmed by each other mannerisms, as you let certain aspects of your personalities shine through, that most others didn´t often get to see. 

at one point you asked her “be honest, what did you think of me when we met? I had no idea, couldn´t tell, at all”, which she used only one word to answer “hot.” a grin as she said it, while leaning down to take a sip of her coffee. at another point she was telling you about some of the previous summers, lore about the place, including one of her less composed moments that others had told you bits and pieces about already, when a male worker had gotten a bit too friendly with the teenage girls, which ended in her smacking him so hard over the head he almost lost consciousness. it almost got her fired, had the other workers not testified that he was in fact a creep and had to be let go. 

she liked the way you smiled when she talked about it, like you were eager to see it first-hand, her rightfully putting someone in their place with a little violence, or more than a little. “well, I think it´s cool, I could´ve used someone like you in my younger years” you said with a look of approval after she told you all that, which she didn´t press on about, unwilling to let herself get riled up by past stories of men being inappropriate with you, still, it was a nice feeling, to know that you weren´t turned off by her intensity, by her unwillingness to shrink herself or make herself more demure or feminine to appease others, whatsoever. 

neither of you noticed the time passing as you had already finished your drinks because you were so at ease and lost in conversation, you taking her hand in yours for a moment while she spoke, her sometimes leaning back in her chair to watch you with her arms crossed, the kind of attention that always got to you, both thrilling and soothing at the same time. Tess quickly grew to love it, that you never seemed nervous or unsure with her, the way you reminded her of a cat basking in a patch of sunlight whenever she made a point of letting it shimmer through in her eyes, that look she got when she was into someone, a quiet intensity about it that made you feel warm and open whenever you felt her gaze on you.

eventually, she knew it was probably about time to get going, but as she leaned forward then, she had an instinct she couldn´t suppress, her palm flat on your thigh, an immediate change to your breathing as you stared at her then, your lips parted, a delicious shock to your system as she moved her hand up and down a little, caressing you in a way, while pretending she had no idea what she was doing. “shall we?” a nod of her head towards the door, her hand still right where she put it, a reminder of the night before, shamelessly using it to her advantage, how easily affected by her touch you were, drinking in the sight of you growing desperate for more. you placed your hand on hers then, shaking your head, thinking “you started it, let´s finish it then”, “not yet, we should go freshen up, right?”, your tone not hard to interpret, a slow nod from her, something like respect in there, “always the quiet ones hm” she whispered to herself as you both got up, still in disbelief over how into her you were, that it wasn´t just a light crush born out of boredom but genuine desire. 

you were the one to close the door behind yourself, and someone else might have grabbed you the moment you did that, but Tess reliably just stood there, patient, waiting for you to give in first, again, which you did, unable to put up a composed front, a quick step toward her to grab her face and pull her in for a deep kiss, a few seconds of restraint from her until she took charge and pushed you back against the door, finally, as close as you´d been dying to be all morning. both of you were clumsy with your kissing for a moment out of sheer need, breathing into each other´s open mouths for a second before continuing, working each other up, on purpose, an immediate heated mix of embracing, making out, and feeling each other up, her knees brushing up against yours, both of you frantically trying to dissolve any boundaries between your bodies, that thing of early stage infatuation where no amount of touch is ever enough, her hands under your shirt, pushing it up to grope your chest, yours on her back, her skin warm and soft as you let your fingers slide to her sides, right above her hips, holding onto her as you felt her thigh between your legs, that shared feverish bliss of being new lovers, faint stifled “hmm” sounds as you kissed, your tongue against hers as the kissing slowed down and turned more sexual, closer to the kind of kissing that happens before getting on top of each other, far from anything you could ever do in public. 

because of you, Tess remembered how fucking divine kissing the right person felt, how easy it would be for her to spend a good while doing just that, she would find a way to have you over and just make out to build up tension until one of you would cave, drawing it out to see how pathetic you´d both get with it, how you´d maybe end up just finishing from grinding against each other. 

for a good two minutes you did your very best to leave each other breathless and flushed with your clothes out of place. you were still obsessed with her scent, just like the sound of her heavy breathing, and the feeling of being in that enclosed dark space with her, her body flush against yours, the vibe of something akin to sex that you got from your wandering hands, the movement of your hips, doing something you shouldn´t be doing but would again and again, turned on by it all, the way you were both suppressing louder sounds and holding back the urge to undress each other.

Tess had an idea of how she could see you fold a little, she was usually sparse with her words, with confessions, she preferred subtext, but in that moment, she wanted to be bold, to catch you off guard, so she leaned in, right next to your ear, her voice husky and low as she whispered, “I want you all over my mouth again. have you sit on my face.”, an immediate violent rush of heat to your core.

“oh, yeah?” you sighed, quietly, which gave away how easy it was for her to render you weak, she knew she had you exactly where she wanted you, eager to hear her say more, your hands clinging to her shirt. she kept her mouth close enough for you to feel her breath, her hands slipping into your shorts then, the space between the fabric and your thighs, your heartbeat quicker, “hm, wasn´t long enough last night, I kept thinking about it after, your taste, couldn´t sleep”, she said after a moment of silence, a labored breath from you, a sound close to a whimper that made her push further, “you think you could last long?”.

“yes.”, you´d let her turn you into a mess, she could take however long she wanted, you wanted her to. “think you could finish just from head more than once?”, another nod, “yeah” you knew that with her you could, easily, “hm, I´ll try my best next time then”, she gave your face a brief kiss, “won't have to try too hard” you said, a smile from her, “no?” she tilted her head, one hand on your cheek then, her thumb brushing over your lower lip. 

you had an idea then, “here, you didn´t even touch me and yet” you guided her other hand into your underwear, her fingers to where they got slicked up from the wetness that had gathered there, her eyes wide for a second as she felt it, “jesus… just from kissing me? you´re a fucking dream, huh”. she was clearly not used to it, being wanted that badly.

you sighed, your breath hitched, your hands on her sides, she was just moving her fingers a bit but got the feeling you might be in for more. she knew you couldn´t take much longer in that bathroom, she knew they´d get suspicious or pissed off, but Tess had to know, “could you.. right now?”, “easily” you said, convinced, already basically halfway there.

“really?”, she asked, moving her fingers up to your clit, a convinced nod, a light moan from you, a pleading tone,“give me a minute of that and I´m done”. she took the challenge, impressed by your forwardness, turned on by it, “okay then, show me”. she looked at you as you shut your eyes and leaned your head against the door, fingernails digging into her arms as you held onto her, her hand between your legs, a fast movement of her fingers over your clit, savoring the feeling of your arousal, a hunger in her, the desperate need to find a way to eat you out again as soon as possible. you bit down on your lip to stay quiet but she was giving you exactly what you needed, the kissing had gotten you so worked up that it didn´t take long of her jerking you off to make you finish, her left hand over your mouth, a cocky smile as she watched you have an orgasm that was satisfying but not violent, the kind that  was perfect for the middle of the day, quick but sensual and romantic in a way, a sweet release. 

she stared at you from up close when she took her hand away, “god, you´re so pretty”, a few more touches from her until she stopped and watched you open your eyes, a tired smile, a sudden move that made her crumble completely: your hand reaching down for hers, so you could pull it to your mouth lick yourself off her fingers, her voice pained almost, “okay, I´m losing my mind here, we have to go”

there was a bi-weekly farmer´s market in town, that was a large part of why Tess kept up her routine of driving there about at least once a week. the one clear advantage of being in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by land, was the fresh produce that she´d have no access to in the city. the market wasn´t too big, about a dozen stands, but every single table looked enticing in its own way, strawberries and homemade jam, various shapes and sizes of tomatoes, jars of honey and other condiments, fresh pastries and bread, you let her take the lead since she clearly knew most people there, friendly smiles thrown her way or a “the usual?” when she approached the vendors. 

anyone you spoke to, man and woman alike, made a point of being sort of flirty in a polite way with you, giving you a few things to try since you were a new face and they clearly wanted to win you over, and Tess felt smug as hell witnessing all that, thinking “if you knew why she´s actually here with me”, whenever someone seemed charmed by you. she felt a sense of pride over the fact that she of all people was the one who you were focused on. she made you pick between a few choices, she enjoyed it having someone there with her for once, letting someone else make the decisions, asking you “this one or that one?” when deciding between two options. it felt domestic and couple-like almost, so you gladly helped out, until you both walked away, sharing a piece of the fluffy sourdough bread that had just been baked a few hours earlier, a shared sound that bordered on a moan as you both nodded at each other in approval. 

you asked her if there was anything else worth showing to you, and she almost said “no” before she thought of something and lead you down the street. there was a used bookstore that she sometimes stopped by when she was in town by herself, and she had a feeling you might like it, the slightly shabby but charming atmosphere, the endless rows of obscure books with the occasional gem here and there. 

the elderly woman at the back of the store thankfully just gave a brief hello and a nod and left you to it as you looked around, both of you quiet for a moment as you scanned the shelves for something interesting. it felt like you were somehow outside of the world, in a little space where nobody could reach you, the smell of aged paper and dust and the old building creating a deeply comforting atmosphere, it felt like time had briefly stopped, like you were hidden away from everything, so without any hesitation or fear of “is this too much?” you used the moment of peace and the to proximity to her, to lean your head against her shoulder, not because you were tired but because you felt so at ease and wanted to go slack for a moment, your eyes closed, a deep breath out, as you felt the fabric of her shirt under your cheek. 

for a moment Tess just stood there, frozen, because she was not prepared for a random show of affection, one that was so undramatic and soft and yet so intimate, she knew then that she was already far gone, and she tried her best to not think about the inevitable heartbreak of parting ways at the end of the summer, she tried to stay present and to soak it up, so she didn´t say a word, didn´t break the sacred feeling of it, and put her arm around your back, her hand on your side, to pull you closer and let you stay like that for a moment, suppressing the instinct to whisper “my sweet girl”, scrapping the word “my”, saving it for later down the line when it would be less insane to call you hers, even though she could feel it, that for the time being, you were. 

eventually, after briefly getting lost in the feeling of being patiently held by her, you peeled yourself away and said “okay, how about you pick one out for me and I pick one for you?”, a nod from her, “okay, deal”. 

a few moments later she pushed a book into your hand with the comment “here, this should be right up your alley” a grin that gave away that she was fucking with you, an eye-roll and a shove to her side from you after you read the blurb, a god awful straight romance.“okay haha very funny. I was being sincere you know” she laughed, “not your thing? no?”, so you played the same game and handed her a book in return, a dry tone as you said “well, this should be your thing, I think”, some old novel from the 50s about a guy having a fucked up affair with his young assistant, but she wasn´t bothered,  “sure, sounds hot”, a shake of your head, a suppressed smile, “go and find me something good now” you instructed. 

you both did end up finding something rather fitting for the other person, leaving the store with the promise to underline and annotate your favorite passages and swap them once you were done, to see what the other person had thought. “guess I was romantic all along” Tess thought, when she realized how good it felt to not just date women in a strictly sexual way, to allow herself the pleasure of going out together and sharing her routine with someone. she´d walked those streets countless times, seen the same buildings again and again, and yet, the light that day seemed different, everything had a new shine to it, she looked at everything more generously, and it dawned on her how much she´d been missing out on, by telling herself that neutrality was the best thing to aim for, that a life completely devoid of surprise and change would be wisest for her. it seemed a bit too good to be true, that she was being rewarded that intensely for giving into her attraction to you, for a few seconds that day she had the feeling of being in some prolonged dream, that something would come and rupture it, but nothing came, you were there, next to her, and wouldn´t go anywhere for the next few weeks. 

before getting back in the car, she leaned against the facade of the building next to where she´d parked, while you leaned against the passenger door, her smoking a cigarette while you pretended to be doing something on your phone, but quickly abandoning all that to watch her instead. it didn´t go unnoticed, a “what?” from her as she felt your eyes all over herself, a shrug from you, a smug smile, “nothing. you just look hot”. 

she had one of her feet up against the wall, a relaxed and confident demeanor, her natural way of excluding security and strength, a sight that never got boring to you, she smiled, slowly exhaling in a way that she knew looked good, “your vision okay, sweetie?”, she joked, since she was still a bit unsure why she of all people was the one you were eyeing up and down the way you were, hungry in a way. she was not used to it, at all, being that overtly flirted with, pursued by someone, so it overwhelmed her system during those early days at times, to feel herself be the object of your desire in such an obvious way. still, she was a bit cocky after all and felt comfortable with playing her coolness up a bit to watch you falter, she wasn´t entirely devoid of vanity, so she let you look at her however you wanted while she finished her cigarette and already wondered about how and when she´d next be able to get her hands on you, to make good use of all the need you clearly had for her, to reward you for the way her body had been woken up and infused with vitality by your attention. 

instead of going to her side of the car she walked over to you, her eyes fixed on yours, and took your face in her hands, gently, and the look you got in your eyes then, the way you leaned your head back, so she could run her fingers through your hair, that instant surrender to her touch, it all made her feel violently tender for you; she could tell that you wanted her to kiss you and that you didn´t expect her to do it in public, but the street was empty, so she took advantage of her position and leaned in to kiss you right next to your lips, her hands still at the sides of your face, a lingering kiss, a gentle one, a rush as you felt her show this soft side of herself to you, her, the woman who was so often described as intimidating and tough, using her strength to show you a kind of affection that nearly got a few tears from you.

just as she pulled away, a breeze swept through the street, a perfect mild gust of wind, both of you closed your eyes instinctively to properly feel it, the early afternoon sun just right on your skin, not burning but soothing, a moment of pure bliss as you pulled her back in to feel her lips against yours, trapped between the car door and her body, no place you´d have rather been, the faint taste of smoke as she returned the kiss, Tess turned on by the fact that you didn´t seem to mind at all, that you seemed to like it, judging by the way you kept kissing her until you both pulled away and smiled, shy and pleased, unsure how to process all the intense feelings you were bringing up in each other. 

her hands slid down your body then, to your waist, her tone low, a bit cracked from the adrenaline, “you know.. ´m not big on airing out my feelings, but, you should know this has been really lovely. haven´t had a day like this in a good while” she was downplaying it, you could tell, but it wasn´t time for big confessions yet. “me neither. I´m really glad you let me come”. she grinned, her hands on your back to pull your hips against hers, “such a generous boss, aren´t I?” you put your hands in her back pockets,“oh for sure. easiest work-day of my life, I´d say”. “well, let´s see. might add some shit to your work load later. exhausting stuff”, you grinned“I´d hope so”. 

on the drive back, you were both quieter than before and you without meaning to, you dozed off with your head leaning against the window.

Tess knew that falling asleep, or drifting off, the way you had in that moment, was a sign of a certain level of trust, and it warmed her heart, that even after only knowing her for about a week, you already felt that way around her, safe to not be fully conscious, to rest your head against the window and let the movement of the drive lull you into a relaxed state of being. she drove slower than she usually would have, to glance over at you every once in a while, to see the way the sun was hitting your neck, the shadows it was casting onto your face, a sudden desire to reach over and caress you, to pull over somewhere and wake you out of that state with a light kiss to your face, a moment of sleepy tenderness, she wanted to hear a faint laugh from you as you realized what she was doing. you didn´t realize it when she parked her car, didn´t get woken up by the stopping of her engine, so Tess decided to just sat there for a few minutes, instead of immediately telling to wake up. 

she felt a sense of possessiveness in that moment, born out of her instinct to protect and shield, she loved having you in her car, to be in charge of your safety, to see you with your limbs slack, fully relaxed and taking deep slow breaths, unguarded and vulnerable, with only her there to watch over you. it wasn´t obvious, because you were good at not explicitly mentioning it, but Tess could tell from certain things you mentioned off-handedly, or certain subjects you purposely avoided talking about, that some memories were still weighing on you, even though you were presently in a good place; she could tell during certain moments where you thought that weren´t being observed, something about your face, your eyes when you were lost in thought, that your way of dealing with everything so calmly stemmed directly from your resilience in certain inescapable situations you´d been put through, had been made to survive through without breaking. 

Tess knew she was predictable that way, that it wasn´t anything new, the fact that she was not built for casual attachment, that the idea of “we´re just having fun” was a foreign one to her; the moment she cared about someone, she had the natural instinct to take on a responsibility for the other person's sense of safety, not in a belittling or condescending way, she was well aware that someone like you was more than capable of handling their own shit, but she wanted you be able to put down your heavy feelings in her presence, like a bag you could leave at her doorstep and forget about while she was around. the desire to be that person for you wasn´t born out of the belief that you were easy to break, but that you should have at least a bit of experience with what I feels like to have a place where your resilience would not be tested, where the softer part of your heart could be exposed without any threat of bruising.

she couldn´t think about it all for too long, she was getting too intense about it already, she was aware, but still, she made a mental note to herself, to make it clear that it wouldn´t be burdensome at all, if you wanted her to listen to any of it. 

Tess felt a deep need to have you with her for longer, she hated the idea of parting ways again, of sitting around and waiting for the next moment you´d get alone, she wanted to take you back to her place and make you lay down in her bed and rest there while she read or just sat there next to you, the window open, the intimacy of a warm afternoon spent in private together, but she knew she couldn´t do that, she knew she couldn´t just walk through her front door with you in the middle of the day while people were all around, at least not without finding a good excuse first. 

for about five minutes she just sat with her back against the driver door and watched you, a mix of intense feelings swirling inside of her, not just desire, but other things too, a tenderness, a feeling of affection that was so far from anything she usually felt, so much so that she felt herself almost welling up, Tess of all people, the one everyone looked to for unwavering strength, moved to tears by the simple sight of a girl sleeping next to her. she thought “funny, how long you can go without something, until it´s there and you realize how badly you´d wanted it all along.” she might not have sat down at night and thought “I want a lover” but that didn´t mean she hadn´t always had that dream, the dream of feeling something again, of being stunned into a state of openness, after shutting herself off from the world for so long. she found herself thanking however had had the good instinct to hire you, to pick you, to send you her way, she wasn´t spiritual, but she did feel blessed or looked after by some force in that moment. 

until she realized what time it was and got herself to finally place her hand on your shoulder, shaking as softly as possible, which made you sit upright again, to open your eyes and try to mask your obvious sleepiness. 

“you could´ve woken me up” you said, slightly embarrassed, but she shook her head, “no, I´m not in a rush here” a grin, “besides, you look cute sleeping”. you cocked your head as willed yourself awake, “well, you could see it more if you let me stay the night” a batting of your eyelashes, she wasn´t immune, “maybe we can do something about that. I´m gonna think about it”.

both you and Tess got out of the car then and as you walked back towards the camp, she said, “you know, there´s this outdoor film thing later, and it´s not mandatory, so I doubt anyone would care or notice if you and I both happened to skip it. for all they know we could be doing god knows what on our own.” you glanced at her from the side, “oh, so I can come over later?” in slight disbelief over how easy it seemed. Tess nodded,  “yeah, I´m asking you to. and don´t eat too much at dinner, I´ll make you something”, that got your attention, a lovestruck vibe to you then as you said, “yeah?” and studied her face to make sure she was being real. “yes, I didn´t ask you for your preferences earlier just to make small talk”. of course, she was always thinking ahead “you´re kinda spoiling me you know.” you mused, she protested, “hardly. this is bare minimum I´d say”, you shrugged, “to you maybe, but not to me”, she threw you a playful look then, “raise your expectations then, hm.”. you smiled, amused by her, “okay, I will.”. 

Tess nudged you in the side then, “make me work for it a little” she teased, “sure, I can do that. but I´ll find a way to repay you for all of that, of course”, you said, a suggestive tone, she nodded, “I´m sure you will”. 

you were both quiet for a moment, walking through the gates and gauging the vibe, thankfully it wasn´t crowded because it was a Saturday and everyone was free to do whatever they wanted during the day, which meant that during noon most of the kids were indoors, sleeping, relaxing. 

Tess reached into her bag and tapped you on the shoulder, “here, take this”, she was holding out a ripe peach, one of a few that you´d picked out before. you took it in your hand and felt the soft fuzzy skin, “thank you, I will find a place in the shade, eat this, and think about you. that´s my plan for the rest of the day”. she was almost pissed that your overly romantic way of saying that, clearly eager to get a reaction, worked that well on her, a frustrated shake of her head, a smile, a hint of irony to her tone “perfect”. you stared at her then in a way that said “and you?”, so she gave in and nodded, “you want me to say it out loud, huh? that I´ll just be waiting to have you back?”, “yes, I do” you said, fully earnest, which hit a soft spot inside of her, the part that liked it, when someone didn´t make her guess about their love, at all. “clearly I will be doing just that. you did a number on me, in case you couldn´t tell”, you did know that of course, “we can just drive each other insane then” you joked, which she agreed with “yeah, I think that´s what´s gonna happen here. I´m not complaining though, to be very clear”, “me neither” you said, just as she let out an audible groan and said “god, what the fuck does he want now”.

you followed her gaze, you were back on the camp grounds by then, approaching the main area, and saw that one of your co-workers was making eye-contact with Tess and came walking in your direction. her open disdain made you laugh and nudge her in the side, “come on, lighten up a bit, he´s already scared of you, I think”. “good. I don´t need him to cozy up to me” you were amused by her lack of patience for him, compared to the limitless kindness she showed you, it made you feel like you were her partner who had to keep her in check, who had to remind her that not everyone was turned on by her intimidating aura. “okay, well, I will go deal with that, and you go relax. I´ll expect you by 6” she said, a warm smile towards the end of the sentence, a touch to your arm, that nobody would read as romantic, but that still affected you, the way any small gesture of hers could. you nodded, giving her a light touch too, “okay, I´ll be there.”

when you parted ways, both of you felt it, that no temporary distance could ever take away from the joy of having each other. it seemed like a beautiful thing to you, to spend the following weeks doing separate things during the day, but to always be aware of each other´s presence near, to always have each other to return to, to know that regardless of whatever stress or frustration you might face, you´d be able to look forward to relaxing into each other´s embrace again sooner or later. it was a kind of relationship that was hyper-specific to your circumstances, the kind that was too sacred to ever share with anyone, the kind that was invisible to other even though it had changed the light of your life, a softer, gentler feel to it, the way the sun hit your face, everything around you. 

both you and Tess knew it, without a doubt, that you had a summer ahead of you that no other would compare to. it already seemed like a memory that you´d look back at and think: 

“how did I get that lucky? how did she just enter my life like that? so quietly and gently, and yet, so capable of changing it beyond recognition.”

[festivalsofmargot]

Sour Times

{Bully!Sebastian Sallow x Bullied!GN!Hufflepuff!}

Introduction: Slight deviation from the official HL story. Rather than everyone being intrigued at your unique arrival to Hogwarts, it’s a badge of dishonor to develop your magic so late. Hufflepuffs have a pathetic reputation, and you’ve been sorted into their house. The only reason Sebastian puts up with you is because he needs your ancient magic... and because he wants you all to himself. But he’d never tell, not when the whole school would start picking on and laughing at him like they did you. Yet, when he sees the way you look at Garreth Weasley, he wonders if everyone else’s approval means anything at all.

Word Count: ~ 6,350

Warnings: Kissing, Angst, Bullying

Author’s Note: I finally finished! 🥳 Us Hufflepuffs always get dunked on and I wanted to play around with that. I watched A Silent Voice and Normal People and couldn’t stop thinking about bully-to-lover scenarios. I’ve proofread so many times but I know I’m missing something, gonna do that thing where I get sneaky and edit here and there. Long one today so kick back, grab a snack, do hot people shit, enjoy 😘

Songs (if interested):

Sour Times - Portishead

Intro/Spectrum - HAELOS

September - Instrumental - Sparky Deathcap (oh... cara mia, how i love him)

Heather - Conan Gray

chance with you - mehro

Awaken - Dario Marianelli, Jack Liebeck, Benjamin Wallfisch

“We know that from time to time, there arise among human beings, people who seem to exude love as naturally as the sun gives out heat.”

- Alan W. Watts

-

As you meandered down the halls to your next class, holding your books with one hand and the other resting in your pocket, someone had grabbed your arm, tugging you behind a corner, causing you to drop your belongings. Whoever it was slammed your back into the wall, then propped up a hand next to your head to trap you in place.

You looked up and met the eyes of your abductor. This position wasn’t anything new to you, though it was new to be here with Sebastian Sallow. 

Someone was always trying to mess with you or ruin your day. Being a late bloomer with magic and getting sorted into Hufflepuff hadn’t done you any favors. Other than that, there wasn’t anything wrong with you per se, it was just your social standing at Hogwarts. Even some Hufflepuffs wanted nothing to do with you, believing you made their house even more embarrassing to be in. Yet, that didn’t stop any of the student body from threatening you to do favors for them. 

“Heard that you can wield ancient magic. Is it true?”

Your furrowed your brows, wondering how word could spread that quickly. But you suppose the magic you used on the troll in Hogsmeade hadn’t been very discreet. Too bad they gave all the credit to Natsai Onai, you might have made some friends with your troll takedown story.

Shifting your gaze down, you nodded your head.

“Prove it.” He held out a folded piece of parchment, the all too familiar blue glow emanating from it.

You took it from his hands and unfolded it to see rune symbols you’d encountered countless times. “Where did you get this?”

“Doesn’t matter, do you recognize those rune symbols?”

You nodded your head looking over the pages. “I see these whenever I need to unlock a door with ancient magic.”

Sebastian’s breath hitched and you finally met his heavy stare. He cleared his throat and regained his composure. “Exactly. And you’re going to come with me to open one I found.”

You folded the parchment back up and held it out to him. “Okay.”

He snatched it from your hands. “Don’t toy with me. If you don’t help me with this, I can make your life truly miserable here. I’m good friends with Ominis Gaunt, and he’s not afraid to use his family connections to -”

“I said okay.”

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at you, not knowing what you were playing at.

“Write me when you have a time and place.” You told him, exhausted.

He eyed you a moment longer, then stepped aside for you to leave. You picked up your books from the ground and kicked the dirt at your feet as you left, taking your time getting to your next class.

“So you’re going to help me? Just like that?” He called after you when he saw it was still just the two of you in the hall.

“Got nothing better to do.” You replied as you kept on your way.

-

Sebastian was the first person to ask for something and come along with you to get it done. Most people would just send you off, but there he was, exploring the cave and fighting giant spiders by your side.

That little outing turned out to be the first of many. Over time, Sebastian explained his sister’s curse and everything he had done to try to find a cure. He kept it to himself, but he was happy to find someone he could go through this journey with, someone who wasn’t trying to make him abandon hope, even if it was the Hogwarts outcast.

You made the mistake of assuming this meant you were friends in public. When you tried to approach him at Hogwarts, he looked at you as if you had grown horns. He caught sight of a few students whispering to each other and glancing your way. In a panic, he knocked the books from your hands, scattering them to the floor. 

“Looks like the Hufflepuff had a little accident.” He jested loud enough for everyone around to hear. He walked away to meet up with some other Slytherin students who were in hysterics at what he had just done. He glanced back your way and it took everything in him to keep the amused look on his face. You were picking your books up off the floor and Garreth Weasley had come to help you. Sebastian noticed he had said something to cheer you up and it brought a smile to your face. 

And then a thought surfaced in his head. I think I'd rather be the one who made you smile.

-

Sebastian’s public displays of discourtesy hadn’t let up. He felt awful, but he couldn’t stand the scrutiny he would get if he was seen with you. Just because he could see all these wonderful qualities in you, didn’t mean everyone else could. The Slytherins especially would give him a tough time. He would get defensive, spewing every excuse he could think of. “Don’t be daft. I only needed to see the Hufflepuff about charms class, nothing more.” 

The guilt ate away at him. So when the two of you came across the scriptorium door that could only be opened by casting the cruciatus curse, he felt this could be his penance. But you refused to cast it on him.

He fisted the fabric of your shirt, jerking you towards him. “Dammit, why not?!” He demanded, incredulous. Dread arose in him, because he knew if he casted it on you he would be causing true agony. Everything he had done to you at Hogwarts was an act of rudeness, he never wanted to do anything that caused you pain in this way.

“Because I wouldn’t mean it.”

His face recoiled as if you had slapped him. He was unable to believe it. After all you’ve put up with, how could you not mean to harm him, how could you not want to? “I have been nothing but cruel to you, this is your chance to be cruel back! I know you hate me! I know you hate everyone!”

“I don’t hate you.” You placed your hands atop his that were gripping your shirt, in hopes it would calm him down. “Cast it on me, Sebastian. Get us out of here.”

Sebastian released your shirt, shoving you back. He turned away from you and rubbed a steadying hand down his face. Using the frustration he felt with you then, he spun to face you and recited, “Crucio!”

You fell to the floor, your screams of suffering echoed through his head.

Sebastian shot up in bed in a cold sweat, breathing coming out uneven. He rubbed his face in his hands and let out a shaky sigh. Ever since the scriptorium, he hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep, the nightmare had kept replaying in his head.

-

You arrived back at the entrance of the Hufflepuff common room rather late in the night. It was passed curfew but you wanted to get all of Sirona’s lost letters back to her. Seeing the look on her face had made missing out on a few hours of sleep all worth it. 

You startled when you saw a figure move out from the darkness. It was Sebastian, his eyes were red and puffy, dark circles had formed under them.

“Sebast -”

“Why’d you have me do it?” He demanded, his voice cracking. “Why couldn’t you -” He couldn’t stop the tears that fell. His shoulders began to shake as breathy sobs escaped him.

You ran up and pulled him into your arms, gently guiding his head down to your shoulder, and he let himself cry. “I’m okay. Everything’s okay.” You soothed.

He was the one who casted crucio on you, yet here you were comforting him. He felt worthless. You weren’t like anyone he had ever met. You never wanted anything in return, doing things purely out of the kindness of your heart even if it nearly killed you. He couldn’t grasp such a concept, and it overwhelmed him.

He went on his knees before you and took your hand into both of his. “Cast it on me. Please, it’s the only way I can make it all right. I did the wrong thing and I need to make it all right.” He pleaded.

You knelt on the ground with him, meeting his level. You pulled your hand from his and placed it on his cheek. You tried to meet his eyes. “Look at me. I will never do that to you.”

Though you meant for the words to comfort him, they felt like a knife to his chest. He smacked your hand away and scrambled to his feet, running out of sight.

He knew it then as he arrived back at his dorm room, and he let himself feel it entirely, as if he were punishing himself. He was in love with you, and he could never have you, not after everything he had done.

-

In the time that followed, Sebastian had wanted to act as if the scriptorium and his confrontation with you never happened. You kept an eye on him but went along with it. Your discreet meetings and his insults towards you resumed.

When Sebastian asked to meet briefly about information on a relic he had found in Salazar Slytherin’s spellbook, it was a good day for the both of you.

Your face was bright and ecstatic as you looked down at the thunderbrew potion in your hands. “It took me forever to get the ingredients, but I think I got a knack for brewing.” You couldn’t help but gush to Sebastian, trying to stifle your giggles and keep your voice low so no one around the two of you could hear. 

Sebastian didn’t dare let it grow, but a charmed smile tugged at the corner of his lips. If he was going to react to you, he'd try to make it look like you were a nuisance to be around.

“Do you think if - well, I mean - what would you think if -” You began timidly, biting at your lip. Sebastian didn’t look at you, but he listened close, clinging to each word you left him on. “Do you think Garreth would be impressed if I showed him?”

And away went any temptation to smile, he opened the book in his hand to act like he was reading. He discovered that to be the consequence whenever he found himself being pulled towards you, he’d always get slapped with the reality that you were pulled towards Garreth. The other day, when everyone was standing around waiting for Defense Against the Dark Arts class to start, he caught sight of you looking out the window, the sunlight painted your features bewitchingly. He made his way over and saw you were watching Garreth playing Summoner’s Court. “Day dreaming you were actually useful in this class, Hufflepuff?” He had taunted. He’d claim it was to keep up the act but it was really in response to the hurt he felt. The pain only worsened when you glanced his way fleetingly and went right back to watching Garreth with undivided attention.

You noted his silence and felt stupid for even bringing it up to him. “Sorry, I got carried away. I know you don’t care.”

“I think Weasley will soil his breeches no matter what potion you show him.” He said bitterly. “Why do you think he’s so great anyway?”

You didn’t answer and Sebastian looked up to see your gaze following the red headed boy as he walked by, laughing along with a few other students. His stomach twisted uncomfortably and he looked back down to his book, eyes scanning the words but not taking them in.

“He’s the only person who’s been nice to me since day one. But I think that’s just who he is, looks like he’s nice to everyone.” You said the last part more to yourself. A chill went through the air and you began to shiver, seemingly too distracted to care due to where your attention laid.

“Where are your robes?” Sebastian tried to keep his voice monotone.

“Just forgot them is all.” Your eyes followed Garreth until he stopped walking to speak with some of his friends.

“Here. Take mine.” Sebastian exhaled as if he were annoyed, but he wasn’t. He was in earnest at the thought of wrapping you up in his robes.

You turned your attention back to him and shook your head. “No no, people will see. It’s alright.” Gaze returning to Garreth.

Sebastian stopped, robes halfway down his arms, then he shrugged them back on. “Oh... right.” He watched you shift back and forth on your feet, your fingers tapping against the potion’s flask. He could see the ache to run to the Gryffindor clear as day on your face.

“Send me an owl if anything else comes up for the relic.” You said without looking at him, and made your way over to Garreth.

He knew he should turn the other way and act like he was never speaking to you in the first place, as he always did after your furtive meetups. Yet his eyes remained glued to your form. As he watched you talking to Garreth with a beaming smile, laughing along with him as you showed him your thunderbrew potion, insurmountable heartache filled his chest. 

It had finally hit him how he couldn’t care less what people thought, they didn’t even know you. No one knew you like he did, especially not Weasley. If everyone saw you through his eyes, they could easily see you were one of the most capable people at Hogwarts. If all it took to win you over was being kind to you since the beginning, he wanted to kick himself. I’ve been the biggest prat.

How could he have treated you the way he had? Asking for your help all this time, but not wanting to be seen with you in public. He had been nothing short of a coward. His fear of what others thought had led him to lose any chance with you. You were the one that’s helped him through this nightmare of a curse on his sister, you were the one willing to take on immense agony in the scriptorium for him, you were the one he yearned for. He could say the same for none of these people.

The blood drained from Sebastian’s face when he witnessed Garreth slip off his Gryffindor robes and put them on you. It was as if the wind was knocked out of him, his breathing started coming out shallow. He told himself to get out of there. 

The first place he could think of was his dorm. He had tunnel vision the whole way there, a few students had asked if he was feeling alright as he passed. He waved them off, saying something about a potion brew gone wrong, he couldn’t fully remember. When he got to his dorm room, he burst through the door and sat at the edge of his bed. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and tried to steady his breathing. As soon as the sick feeling in his stomach started to dissipate, he laid back, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“What’s gotten into you?” Ominis asked, sitting himself on his own bed.

It took Sebastian a moment to be able to speak. He swallowed the lump in his throat and took a deep breath. “Nothing, I’m fine. Just feeling a little sick is all.”

“Is this about the Hufflepuff who helped us in the sciptorium?”

He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, and that was the only answer Ominis needed.

“Nobody cares you know. Sure it’s fun to make fun of a Hufflepuff, that’s nothing new. And one that developed their magic so late? Easy target. But in the end, no one cares. After everything that’s happened, it’s no surprise you feel the way you do.” Ominis never hesitated to call people out, but every now and then he had a way of saying what needed to be said without making someone feel too ashamed.

Sebastian should have known this, he should have had this conversation with himself before it could have gotten this far. He felt like such a child then, laying in his bed, pouting at the predicament he put himself in. But it was hard to pick himself back up, he felt his relationship with you was unsalvageable at this point and it was his fault. He was the nuisance you had to put up with because of that pesky Hufflepuff loyalty of yours, and Garreth was your escape. Garreth could make you happy just by being in your line of sight. He could only dream of having that effect on you at this point.

-

Sebastian had searched for you all day but to no avail. As a last resort, he made his way to the undercroft, he cringed thinking back on the time he first showed it to you. “I’m only showing you this place so we won’t be seen working together. You’re not welcome here if I’m not here.” It wasn’t true, but how would you have ever known otherwise? He had been so cruel to you, it was no wonder you wanted to run into Garreth’s arms. He had practically shoved you his way. 

The sound of sniffling stopped him in his tracks. He pressed forward cautiously and saw you were sitting on the floor against the wall with your head down.

“What’s happened?” Sebastian strode up and knelt before you.

“Oh! Sebastian.” You startled. “I - I’m sorry, I’ll leave. Just allergies. Came down here to escape all that pollen.” You wiped at your face quickly, he could tell your eyes were puffy from crying.

His inner voice was screaming at him that this was his chance, as of that moment he could start taking steps in the right direction with you. He could become the person you wanted, slowly but surely. “Talk to me.” He sat beside you and took your hand in his, he began stroking it with his thumb in hopes it gave you some comfort.

You were taken aback by his actions, but then surmised that was probably how much he pitied you. You felt humiliated at the thought. The Hufflepuff got caught crying like a sad baby bird in the rain, who wouldn’t feel bad? You pulled your hand free from his. “It’s nothing, I just needed a moment. I’m truly sorry I came down here without you, I couldn’t think of any other place. I - I panicked.” You got up and began your escape out. “It won’t happen again.”

Sebastian tripped over himself as he went to chase after you. He ran up and wrapped his arms around you from behind, holding you in place. “Don’t go. Please, talk to me.”

His touch felt wrong to you and you slid free from his embrace. You didn’t feel safe with Sebastian, you didn’t feel safe with anyone at Hogwarts for that matter. But the look on his face had convinced you somewhat he wanted to know what was wrong. “I just had a bad day.” 

He took a step towards you, hoping you would keep going. 

You rolled your eyes at the foolishness you felt. “I worked up the courage to speak to Garreth about how I felt and -” You stopped and shook your head. “This is stupid, I don’t know why I’m telling you this -”

“What did he do?” His voice was direct, body stiffening.

You let out a sigh, hating that you were revisiting the memory. You looked down and began twiddling your thumbs. “I told Garreth how I felt and asked him on a date to The Three Broomsticks. He laughed in my face and said no. Said he’d be friendly with me in public but he wasn’t going to be seen on a date with me. And then he said we could still have some fun in private together.” You recalled the incident, disgusted. “But what else should I have expected? You said it yourself, no one wants to be seen with someone like me.”

Sebastian had never seen your features turn so harsh, and he hadn’t hated himself more than he did in that moment. "I never should have said that to you. Please, you have to know I never meant it.” 

Your eyes didn’t meet his, he could tell you were still angry, not just with him, but with the world. He was surprised you didn’t get to this point sooner. Hufflepuffs really could put up with a lot before they’d had enough. 

Sure, he wanted you to have feelings for him, but more than anything he wanted you to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him. Seeing your hurt expression then, he wanted to step up more than ever. “No good prick.” Sebastian dug his heels in the ground to storm out of the undercroft. “I’m going to kill him.”

Your eyes went wide. “What? No, it’s alright! Forget I said anything!” You grabbed his wrist trying to hold him back, but he just kept walking, dragging you along with him. “W - What happened to staying out of each other’s lives? You don’t owe me anything, Sebastian! Just drop it!”

Sebastian stopped to face you, he used the grip you had on his wrist and yanked you to him. He steadied you as you crashed into him, taking your face in his other hand and placing his lips atop yours. He wanted to convey everything he felt for you in that kiss, every thank you he should have said, every apology he should have made. You didn’t deserve any of the treatment you got at Hogwarts, especially from him. 

His brows furrowed as he deepened the kiss. He tried to be tender, but the urgency was what took over with how he moved his lips against yours. Your grip fell from his wrist in shock and he used his now free hand to grab your waist and pull you flush to him. He felt you kiss him back, but with hesitancy, and then you pushed him away.

He looked at your stunned expression, “This feels wrong.” You whispered.

Shoving down the sting he felt at your rejection, he strode out of the undercroft, leaving you standing there, dumbfounded.

-

Sebastian spotted Garreth in the middle of the quidditch field, joking around with some friends. “Oi, Weasley!” He called as he strode up to the red head.

Garreth turned away from his group. “Yeah? What is it, Sall-” His words were cutoff when Sebastian punched him square in the jaw. He shot a hand up to where the throbbing began to kick in. “What in Merlin’s na - OOMF!” Sebastian rammed into his gut, tackling him to the ground. It finally kicked in what was happening and Garreth began to shove and punch back. Nearby students gathered around in a circle, hooting and hollering for them to keep going.

“Show that Gryffindor how it’s done, Sallow!”

“Get him good, Weasley!”

“Levioso!” Sebastian and Garreth were pulled apart and lifted into the air at Madam Kogawa’s spell cast. The two boys eyed each other, bruised and bloody, wanting to go back at it as she approached. 

“I see detentions are in order.”

-

When Garreth confronted him, demanding what his deal was, Sebastian had dug into him. Shoving his finger into his chest, telling him he didn’t deserve someone like you.

“Oh please, as if you’re not doing the exact same thing. Everyone sees the ‘secret’ meetings the two of you have. I hardly think you’re the person to fault me.”

Sebastian couldn’t say anything in retaliation, because he was right. He deserved every punch and kick Weasley landed. But things were different now, and he was going to stop at nothing to prove it to you.

-

Sebastian leaned against the kegs just outside the Hufflepuff common room. He stood up straight when the entrance opened and you stepped out. Your gaze landed on him and your face twisted at his state.

“Are you alright?” You ran up to him and gently grabbed his chin to begin examining his bruising. Remembering you two weren’t in private, you yanked your hand back. “Sorry.” You glanced around to make sure no one had seen. It pained him, that after all the time you spent together, this was the habit he enforced in you. He grabbed at your hand and placed it against his cheek.

“I’m fine.” He thought about his next words carefully. “I'm not ashamed to be seen with you.” He began. “I’m so sorry I ever told you I was. I haven’t been there for you. If I could go back, I’d do it all differently. I really would.”

You avoided his gaze and looked down, pulling your hand away. His touch still felt wrong, and thinking about his kiss in the undercroft made you just as uneasy. Everything was so backwards, your mind couldn’t keep up. Not long ago, Garreth was the one being kind to you while Sebastian was itching to get as far away from you as possible. And now, Garreth had you repulsed and Sebastian had an avid interest to be by your side. You were in a constant state of confusion and had a strange desire for things to go back to how they were.

“Sebastian...” Your defenses went up as he moved closer to you, wanting to show you he was listening. “I’m going to be honest, I don’t believe you. All year you’ve dreaded being around me and now I’m supposed to believe your feelings changed just like that?”

Sebastian nodded his head, seeing what you were saying. He shouldn’t have expected you to be okay with all this just because he said so. “I understand. I’ve been awful to you. But I can make it all up to you, you’ll see. I can be what you want.”

You tried to search his eyes for some sort of reason for this shift in him, still not really taking in his words. “I think I need some space.” You were sick of boys playing with your feelings like this. There was only so much you could take. Pretty impressive trait of Hufflepuffs, anyone else would have felt worn thin ages ago.

Sebastian swallowed thickly and nodded his head. He forced a polite smile and left at the nearest floo.

He needs his space too. You thought. That way he’ll get over these feelings he supposedly has for you. You didn’t believe him for a second. You’ve seen other students swooning over each other. It definitely wasn’t what was happening between you and Sebastian Sallow. The only experiences you’ve had with him were secret meetings and him getting humiliated if someone associated the two of you together. He expected all that to just go away with one secret kiss? It wasn’t going to happen.

Maybe he went after someone else and they rejected him, and he was so desperate for affection he came to me. You concluded.

-

The days that followed, Sebastian kept his distance from you without really keeping his distance. Every morning, he got up early to get a flower from the fields surrounding Hogwarts, each one different than the day before. Whenever you got up from your desk or left your books unattended, he would cast the disillusionment spell on himself and place the flower in your book for you to stumble across later.

He didn’t need to see your reaction to it, but every now and then if you were in the same area, he’d be on the lookout for it. Sebastian watched from afar as you began looking through your book on a bench in the Transfiguration Courtyard. But his blood started to boil when he saw Garreth make his way over and sit down next to you. 

You looked up from your book, a questioning look on your face. 

Garreth was visibly nervous and wouldn’t meet your eyes. “I wanted to apologize for how I spoke to you the other day. My mother raised me better than that.” 

You hummed as you looked across his features, noticing he was bruised up like Sebastian was. “What happened to you?”

Garreth scratched the back of his head. “Got some sense knocked into me by your friend, Sallow.”

“He’s not my friend.” You said plainly, trying to bring your attention back to your book. A part of you was annoyed Sebastian had actually followed through with going after Garreth, and another part was a little pleased the both of them landed strikes on the other.

He looked to your face then. “I really do like you, you know.” He confessed, and you returned his gaze. He was looking at you like he was sorry this wasn’t what he had said to you in the first place. “But I felt the pressure of everyone, and I told myself I should be embarrassed to be around you. But I’m not. Everyone else can sod off, I can see everything you’re doing even if they refuse to. You’re nothing short of incredible. I truly am sorry for what I said.”

You gave him a small nod. “Apology accepted.”

He smiled and let out a sigh of relief, then held out his hand. “Friends?”

You took it and shook. “Friends.”

He held your hand in his when you tried to pull away. “Don’t suppose that date to Three Broomsticks is still on the table?”

You scoffed but went silent when you saw he was serious. You shook your head and pulled your hand from his grasp.

“Right.” He looked down dejectedly. “Guess I deserved that, didn’t I?” He chuckled awkwardly, getting up and clearing his throat. “I’ll see you around then.” His voice was strained.

Sebastian watched as Garreth left you and made his way over to him. The red head gave him a cordial slap on the shoulder as he walked passed. “Looks like we both blew it, Sallow.” 

-

You hated to admit it, but Sebastian was making some headway with you. It had been at least a few weeks since you told him you needed space, and he had given it to you. You thought it would be the easiest thing in the world for him to do, but he looked like he was struggling. Every time you caught each other’s eye, he looked like he was holding his breath, hoping that would be the day you’d approach him. You thought it’d wear off after a bit, and the distance between the two of you would have him come to his senses. But he seemed undeterred, just as dedicated as the day before if not more so.

You especially hated to admit that every time you found a flower in your books, the flutter in your chest would grow. Each time you needed to talk yourself down, because any day now Sebastian would give up and go back to only wanting to see you about his progress on getting a cure for Anne. 

But then you’d think about how he kissed you. There was so much need in it. In the moment it felt off. But the more your revisited the memory, thinking back on how his lips moved against yours, you got this feeling of being genuinely wanted, perfectly safe. And that sense came from Sebastian Sallow of all people?

You watched him as he took notes in charms class. He was pretty good looking, wasn’t he? You came to notice these passed few weeks now that he was being kind to you. 

He looked up from his notes and glanced your way. You held his gaze when he did, giving him a soft smile. His eyes grew wide and he became fidgety in his seat. He smiled back and his ears burned red. It was the most he’d gotten from you and he didn’t know how to handle it. 

You looked back down to your notes and he looked back down at his, trying to contain his giddiness. He felt like he made a huge leap in progress and he couldn’t wait to keep going. It was just a smile, but it was the only sign he needed that he was headed in the right direction with you. He wondered if he should keep going with the flowers or step it up a bit. He wanted to respect your wishes and keep his distance, but he also wanted to do more for you.

He was so lost in thought, he didn’t notice you approach when class was dismissed. “Sebastian?”

He stiffened, panic flooding through him. He was mentally preparing to chase after you from afar, he didn’t think he’d have the right words to say face to face yet. But he willed himself to speak anyway. “Yes?”

“Walk with me to herbology?” You eyed him, like you were testing him.

Sebastian knew what you were doing, this would be the first time he’d be seen with you in public willingly and not act like he was being forced to speak with you. Bring it on. “Of course.” Sebastian grabbed your books and smiled at your surprised expression. “Come on then.”

You joined his side and as you walked with him, you noticed he wasn’t rushing. He was taking his time getting to your next class. You had to admit, you expected him to want to speed up the process to get it over with and minimize the amount of people who saw the two of you together. But instead, he let himself look smitten as he stood by your side.

The whispers and glances started up as the two of you walked along. He looked to you and noticed you didn’t seem quite as at ease as he was. He gave you a playful nudge with his shoulder and you couldn’t fight the smile that graced your lips. He was making butterflies dance in your stomach and a funny ache for him grew. You peeked back at him and the way he was smiling at you made you want to tug at his tie and have him kiss you senseless again. Calm down, don’t let him win you over yet. You lectured yourself.

When the two of you arrived in herbology, he made sure to grab a potting station next to yours. Professor Garlick called everyone up to grab some seeds for the day’s class. As you were about to go up with everyone else, he wrapped an arm around your waist to stop you. “I’ll get it.” He said in a low tone near your ear. His hand lingered and dragged across your waist until he was too far to touch you anymore. He shot you a smirk over his shoulder as he walked away.

That funny ache you felt turned into something simmering hot within you. When he came back with the mallowsweet seeds, he took your hand in his and placed them on your palm. His fingers dragged across your hand and you peered at him through your lashes. 

“Be careful.” He said, releasing you and turning to his potting station. “You look like you want to kiss me.”

A burning sensation hit your cheeks and you turned to your own station. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Silly me then.” 

The two of you focused, or at least tried to, on your pots before you. You planted the seeds and padded down the soil, then awaited further instruction from Professor Garlick. But you tuned her words out as you eyed Sebastian up and down. Thankfully, you were already experienced with mallowsweet, so you weren’t too concerned about falling behind.

Sebastian watched you through the corner of his eye, he could feel your eyes on him and it drove him mad. As soon as class was over, he was going to try to reenact the first time he demanded your help. Except this time when he pulled you into a hidden corner, there wouldn’t be as much talking. His jaw clenched at the anticipation.

You usually enjoyed herbology, but that day’s class was dragging on a little too long. Your mind billowed with thoughts of Sebastian’s lips and ideas of how you were going to get them back on yours.

“Class dismissed.” Professor Garlick sang. You and Sebastian immediately looked to one another, knowing exactly what you wanted to do, but unsure how you were going to get there.

“I think I -” You began, not really knowing where you were going to take your words. “I think I left something in the undercroft.”

Sebastian didn’t say anything as he grabbed your hand and pulled you along. 

Once the two of you arrived in the undercroft, he closed the gate behind you and pressed you up against the nearest wall, slamming his mouth against yours. The two of you wanted to devour each other whole. A muffled moan escaped you and you cupped his face in your hands. His hands gripped your hips greedily as he tried to savor every sound he could get from you.

Unable to keep in one place long with so much of you available to him, he began kissing along your jaw, down your neck, below your ear. He could feel you quiver at his kisses and he wanted to do everything he could to keep you squirming.

You whimpered, and he knew he found the spot below your ear to be your weakness. “I... I think we left our books in herbology.” You breathed pleasantly as he kept at it.

Sebastian hummed as he continued his magic. “Such a shame.” He knew he still had a ways to go with you. No matter how long it would take him, he was going to make things right. But if he could tempt you into a kiss here and there along the way, he hoped you wouldn’t mind.

[thewertsearch]

Second part of the giga-ask compilation!

@publicuniversalworstie asked: Why assume the Horrorterrors would know that changing events would create a doomed timeline? That assumes both A) that the horrorterrors know the future and B) that they don't think it can really be changed. Maybe they genuinely thought they could change things, such as by perhaps fulfilling all the requisite loops a different way? Imagine a scenario where a time traveler learns of their death, therefore being destined to die, and instead fake their death to create the conditions under which they learned of the death originally.

It's possible. But if the Horrorterrors do have a way to trick the Alpha Timeline like that, then they've really been holding out on us by not mentioning it to the Players. Such a revelation would completely change the game - we might even be able to fake the Earth's death.

Anonymous asked: i want to learn more about coding to analyze homestuck better - do you have a place i could start? resources? idk love the liveblog hope you're doin well :]

Absolutely! I've got two separate answers for you, depending on what your goal is here.

If your main goal is just to analyse Homestuck, then you’re probably best off picking a language whose syntax is easy to understand, such as Python. You'll pick up on the basic logic pretty quickly, and the ~ATH snippets will start to make a lot more sense.

If you’re actually interested in programming for its own sake, then I recommend you start with my own first language, C. It’s a lot harder for a newbie to get to grips with, but doing so will give you a much more solid theoretical foundation then ostensibly ‘easier’ languages.

W3schools is a decent starting resource for both languages - but if you need more specific guidance, let me know, and I'd be happy to help!

@skelekingfeddy asked: actually grubmom having the same color wires as in that pic of sahlee wasnt intentional! i based it on how sollux’s game grubs have red and blue wires attached to them

Serendipity!

Anonymous asked: Did you run any mysterious ~ath programs on that computer of yours?

Honestly, running ATH on that thing would probably have improved it.

Anonymous asked: One voice headcanon I have for Terezi is the English dub of Power from Chainsaw man

Honestly, she sounds pretty much exactly how I imagine Terezi does. She even has the horns!

@martinkhall asked: I'm surprised none of the suggested instruments for a time player were an ocarina.

Some fruit is just too low-hanging.

@delicate-ruins asked: what's an animal you like that you think doesn't show up very much in media, be it fiction or news or just generally? example: i like secretary birds. but except for videos about them, i have never heard them references.

They're not obscure, per se, but there will never be enough sloths in media. The only fictional sloth of note is Sid from Ice Age – and he does not do them justice.

Capybaras are also underrated as hell – so much so that LibreOffice, which I'm using to edit this compilation, doesn’t even recognize the word as real!

Anonymous asked: “I’m trying to figure out if it’s fully a Breath outfit, or if there’s some Heir stuff too.” the general rule for god tier outfits is that the colors and symbol represent the aspect, the clothes represent the class. so, for example, if two princes of different aspects ascended, their clothing style would be the same but they would a have different color scheme. @skaiandestiny asked: If you haven't already figured it out, class informs the godtier outfit and aspect informs the colors and icon!

In that case, there is something about John’s outfit that says ‘heir’ – but nothing really stands out to me.

@driventopoison asked: Hey, I don't know if it's just me but it seems like you've skipped ahead. I have been following your liveblog daily, but I haven't seen you come across the windy thing yet. Is this because you were using the app or something? Also just want to let you know that I love your liveblog. Keep up the good work!

Thank you! Anyway, John’s Windy Thing is indeed documented on the liveblog, and it’s visible to me. I was using the app for some of that segment, though – are app-made posts particularly buggy?

@classpecting-guide-official asked: story about a modded game of sburb where the characters notice that something isn't right and slowly realize that their world is a lie

Back in Act 1, this is pretty much what I thought was happening. It was a simpler time.

@ignis-cain asked: Note the colors the capslock flashes for WV.

When WV locks his capsule, the button’s light flashes red and green – but I’m not sure what the significance of these colors is, in this situation.

Anonymous asked: i know i'm SUPER late to answer this, but i think the instantiation thing is the same as any video game, newly made with a prebaked history. when you name your character, that has been their name for their whole life, even though you thought it up a few seconds ago. when you enter the medium, the planet has a history and the denizens have memories, even though they just showed up when you entered.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure this is indeed what’s going on. The implications are just a lot more wild when the game is physically real, rather than virtual!

@kintatsu asked: So, I know I'm a little late to the party, but I have to point out: Alternian sunlight doesn't need to be THAT much stronger than Earth's to blind Terezi as quickly as it did. Trolls are nocturnal, which means they almost definitely have a tapetum lucidum (eyeshine membrane), which means that however much light entered Terezi's eyeballs? Her retinas were blasted by every photon twice.

Damn, Vriska. For a second, I thought this ask was explaining why Terezi wasn't in as much pain as I'd thought - but this alternate explanation might actually be worse than what I was picturing!

@delicate-ruins asked: It's delightful to see somebody read Homestuck and be as charmed by it as I and a lot of my friends were way back when we first read it, and the calm, digesting pace at which you're enjoying it is honestly so nice. I rushed way too much to catch up since my friends recommended it in about 2016, which means I went from knowing nothing about the comic to being caught up on it in like a week. I never sat down with the ideas and thought "hey, does this mean XYZ?" because quite often I got the answer five seconds later as I rushed to catch up. But seeing you asking those questions is so so fun. Yeah, DOES it mean that?? Guess we'll find out! In the meantime, we get to guess, which means we basically get to have fun twice. It's reigniting my enjoyment of homestuck quite significantly, I think!

Thank you! It’s really nice to be able to engage in a dialogue about the comic through these asks, which is something that wouldn't be possible if I was speeding through it. As I always say, I'm here for a good time and a long time.

@manorinthewoods asked: Alright, here's another transtimeline fun fact. Each of the kids was supposed to have a Quest related to their associated material - John had a land covered in oil, Rose's ocean was polluted with chalk, the gears of LOHAC were gummed by amber, and LOFAF was in a nuclear winter. Ultimately, while the ocean of LOLAR is still chalky, nothing but John's oil made the cut. ~LOSS (16/5/23)

I think it was a good change, then. Not everything has to be a pattern, and Dave's two weird maybe-quests are a lot more unique and interesting than a generic 'materials quest'.

@captorations asked: oh hey, this walkaround! so funny story, i used to run a blog where i posted one of terezi’s canon appearances each day, in order. yes, i completed my task, and more besides. however! when i was wandering through this as terezi, a glitch rendered me trapped. i decided that this counted as a noteworthy appearance, and took a screenshot. then, by sheer coincidence, it ended up being posted on… halloween. it was pretty great (also don’t forget to check out ctrl + t)

You accessed the double-secret version of Past Karkat: Wake Up, which plays the Earthbound Halloween Hack version of Megalovania rather than the Homestuck one.

Anonymous asked: Personally, I think John gaining so many levels so quickly is tied to his role as the heir - he gains so many levels without really trying, not because he's better than the trolls or his friends, but because he just kind of falls into it. The game rewards him for taking the path of least resistance.

That certainly makes sense if we just look at John - but I have trouble reconciling this interpretation with our other Heir. Equius certainly has some advantages, but they aren't exactly unique to him, as you'd expect them to be if his Heir class was responsible for them.

Yes, he's a highblood, but he's outranked by three non-Heirs - and his strength doesn't seem to be unique either, as Feferi seems capable of similar feats. Perhaps Equius will trip and fall into more unique privilege, but it hasn't happened yet.

Anonymous asked: my personal headcanons for midnight crew claspects: Slick - Prince of Blood, Droog - Mage of Space, Boxcars - Knight of Heart, Deuce - Bard of Doom. knowing you youre probably gonna attempt to analyse these LOL

Slick has had ties to Blood since he first met Karkat, so that tracks - and Boxcars is a shipper, so Nepeta's aspect is probably the best fit for now. I'm not sure about the other two, but I'll revisit them later!

[snowyslytherinowl]

Perfect Prefect - Part 2

PAIRING: George Weasley x Reader or George Weasley x OC

SUMMARY: You’re Miss Moore of Ravenclaw, a sixth-year prefect and one of the house’s best and brightest. You don’t know who to go to the Yule Ball with, but luckily for you, George has secretly had a crush on you for a while and charms you into being his date. But there’s one slight problem that’s holding you back from sharing the news of your budding romance: your best friend and Fred Weasley are far from friends.

I'm really sorry for taking so long to update this story. I'm a very busy person and honestly, I struggled to write this part. I kept getting stuck on the plotline and how things sounded. I'm not 100% satisfied with how this chapter turned out, but I hope you all enjoy and thank you so much for your patience! (P.S. I'm not making any promises on when part 3 will be out, but I will eventually publish it).

*Original GIF by @merakiaes, but I cropped it just to have George

Without a word exchanged, Sinclair drags me to a secluded corner of the corridor when class ends. She sweeps her eyes to inspect for onlookers, and her eyes follow the back of a second-year passing by. When no one else is around, she grabs my shoulder with both hands and leans in to intensely gaze into my eyes. I love her, but she creeps me out when she does this. 

“Does he treat you well?” she presses. 

Well, this isn’t exactly what I expected her to say. I thought she would try to convince me that I have many other options or tell me that George is far from the pick of the litter. I give her a funny look and reply, “Of course he does.”

She nods in approval. “Has he pulled a prank on you?”  

“Nothing major,” I answer honestly. 

Sinclair’s eyes dart over my face, looking for any sign of deceit. “What do you mean?”

“He hasn’t thrown anything at me or tied my shoelaces together, but he did replace my quill with a confetti-exploding quill. And there was another time he sent a flying note to me, but it would zoom away every time I tried to catch it.” I’ve never dashed across the grounds quite like I did in pursuit of those flying notes, racing from Ravenclaw Tower all the way to the Great Hall.

“Okay.” She nods with approval again, and follows with, “And do you like him?” At that, she quirks her brow and leans in even closer. 

I sigh at that question. “Of course I do. I wouldn’t be going to the Yule Ball with him if I didn’t,” I say, as though this is common sense. “Sinclair, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just didn’t want you to become overprotective when I told you that I was going with George.” 

Sinclair has always been protective of us and has only ever wanted us to be with guys that are, in her words, “worthy of ladies as majestic as ourselves.” When Lloyd caught her now ex-boyfriend cheating on her last year, Sinclair surreptitiously followed him around to deduct House points when he broke even the smallest of rules. In our fourth year, she jinxed a Slytherin boy’s tongue to hiss every time he attempted to speak, all because he called me a “Mudblood” one time.

Sinclair sighs and leans against the wall. “Listen, I am sorry for making you feel that way and not being clearer when we spoke last night. I’ll always love you and be proud of you, even if your date was that foul git, Fred,” she says genuinely. 

She looks away briefly and then looks back at me, opens her mouth and then closes it, and chews on her inner cheek. I know exactly what that means. 

“What do you want to say?” 

She speaks slowly, as though not to stir the waters. “As I just said, I’m happy for you. But… I just thought you would go for someone different. Someone more like… you.”

Oh, there it is. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean… he’s talkative and mischievous and careless about his academics. And you’re not shy, per se, but you’re not as overwhelming as he is,” she explains calmly. “Also, you’re diligent with your academics and prefect duties.”

“Honestly, I understand where you’re coming from. If I were someone else, I would never believe that a prefect and a prankster would like each other. But George and I have a lot more in common than you would think.” When she raises her brow, I continue, “We’re both diligent, but with different things. He works tirelessly on his joke shop products and researches charms in the library. And yeah, he’s more outgoing than I am, but he’s not as boisterous as Fred.”

“Perhaps you’re right.”  She nods her head, but I know she isn’t convinced just yet. “George really isn’t that bad. He can be, well, immature at times. They’re both immature, but Fred is heartless.” 

She waves her hand and we begin walking to the Prefects’ Bathroom. “I’ll take your word for now. But if he missteps up even once, I will set him on fire.” Sinclair says that last sentence with so much conviction that I’m afraid that she’s serious.

“Er, thank you.”

Her features soften and she smirks at me. “One thing I will admit is that I can see some of the appeal of George. He’s not too bad looking.”

I chuckle and shake my head. “Okay now. That is not the reason why I’m going to the ball with him.”

Sinclair nudges me. “Oh? What do you like about him?”

“He’s sweet and goofy. Also very easy to talk to. We’ve talked about everything, honestly. Every time we talk, he has this goofy grin on his face and gazes at me as though he can’t get enough of what I have to say,” I respond, a smile also playing on my lips. “I get excited every time I see him. I blush whenever he gets near me or compliments me. It makes me feel like I’m a silly, giddy girl. But then again, I don’t have much experience with boys, so I am a silly, giddy girl.”

“Oh no. You’re becoming just as boy-crazy as Ainsworth.” We both laugh and she follows up with, “Are you planning to share the big news with everyone today?”

“I am.” I can already picture Ainsworth splashing water around as I break the news. “By the way, we need to find you a date. It’s just you and Lloyd now.”

She shrugs. “Actually, I already have a date,” she admits nonchalantly. 

I halt in my tracks. “You do?! Who is it? Why haven’t you said anything?” I gasp. I rack my memory for all the boys she’s talked to recently, but none of them stand out as someone worthy of a majestic lady such as herself.

“Rivard.” She shrugs again as we continue walking and climb the steps from the fourth floor to the fifth floor. “Honestly, I just haven’t said anything because I’m not dying to go with him. He was just the best option out of all the guys who asked me.”

“Doesn’t he go to Beauxbatons?” When she nods, I continue, “Why him?”

“He’s ambitious. Top of his class. He has great things going for him. He’ll be interning at the French Ministry of Magic this summer,” she says in an oddly diplomatic tone. 

I sigh and look at her, trying to read her face. “Sinclair, why? Why didn’t you pick someone you actually like?”

Her expression stays neutral and she doesn’t look me in the eye. “Don’t worry about me. Let’s just focus on George, okay?” We arrive at the Prefects’ Bathroom. Before I have a chance to pull her aside, she utters “pine fresh” and we’re immediately swarmed by our friends. 

XXX

I scan the crowd of students at the front entrance and I spot George waving at me from the corner. When I get close enough, he holds his hand out for me to hold. No matter how many times we’ve held hands, I always feel tingly all over. This time, my giddiness is mixed with slight nervousness. Our Saturday Hogsmeade trip will be our first official date; that is if you don’t count our product-planning meetings or the times we’ve hung out on the Ravenclaw Tower balcony. 

Once Filch verifies that we’re authorized to visit Hogsmeade, George and I start walking to the village. I notice that he’s carrying a pouch, so I ask, “Why do you have that? Planning to go on a shopping spree?”

He secures the pouch’s string around his wrist. When I stick my head out to get a closer look at it, he tsks at me and laughs. “Hey, no peeking! It’s a surprise.”

I then try to peek from behind, but George shoves it in his front pocket. I groan. “You’re going to kill me with the anticipation.”

“Remember, patience is a virtue,” he teases, using his best authoritative prefect voice to parrot what I said to him two days ago. George pleaded with me to sneak to Hogsmeade with him for the last few days. I may be willing to get a slap on the wrist for assisting in his pranks, but I won’t risk losing my prefect badge for leaving the school grounds unauthorized. 

“Now, where first? The Shrieking Shack?”

“Absolutely not,” I say with a laugh. “I’m thinking Honeydukes. I’m in the mood for Cauldron Cakes.”

By the time we get to Honeydukes, the store is already swarming with other students. I quickly grab Cauldron Cakes, Pink Coconut Ice, and Jelly Slugs for myself and take a scoop of Chunky Chewers for George; he’s never had one and I’m not letting another day go by without him trying it. I head to the counter to pay and notice him tucking his purchased treats away, the corner of an exploding bonbons package peeking out before it disappears in the depths of his pouch. I hope he doesn’t blow anything up while we’re strolling on High Street.

I pull off a portion of a Jelly Slug and pop it into my mouth as we walk out the door. I turn to go to Zonko’s since George couldn’t take his eyes off the displays earlier. But just as I start walking there, he grabs my hand and cocks his head in the opposite direction. 

“How about we go off the Hogsmeade beaten path? There’s a place that I bet would tickle your fancy.” George has a mischievous glint in his eye and his voice sounds suspiciously enthusiastic. This is either going to be very good or very bad. 

“Where exactly is it? It’s not Hog’s Head Inn, is it?”

“Nope. That’s far too ordinary for my liking.” 

I raise a brow at him. “Don’t tell me you’ve been there before.” When he says nothing, I shake my head in disbelief. Actually, I can believe it. “But this place you’re talking about, it’s safe? Right?” 

“I hope so.” George grins at me and it’s hard not to smile back. He may be overly adventurous, but his enthusiasm is adorable. 

“Okay, I’ll go. But just remember that if I’m eaten alive, you’ll no longer have a date.”

“I have a backup plan for that. If a dragon gobbles you up, I’ll have to take Peanut instead.” We share a laugh, but then he draws circles on my hand with his thumb to reassure me. “Don’t worry. I promise that we’re not going on some wild adventure.”

George leads me off High Street and into the countryside surrounding Hogsmeade. As we get further away from the heart of the village, there are fewer cottages and more wildlife. Squirrels chase each other up trees, hares hop around, birds tweet their songs, and we even see a deer in the distance. I’m relieved that he doesn’t beckon me to climb up the mountains, but the foliage grows thicker wherever we walk. After about ten minutes of walking, I turn behind me and can’t even see the tallest building in Hogsmeade. I’m not so sure if we’re authorized to walk this distance from the village.

“Hey, George? Are we almost there?” I ask nervously. 

He seems to sense my anxiety since he wraps his arms around me and comfortingly squeezes my hand. “Just hang on for another three minutes or so, I promise.”

Maybe it was my preoccupation with thoughts of suspension, but the time flies by even faster than I thought. George stops in front of a wall of snow-covered trees and then slithers between a break in the branches, his arm sticking out to beckon me through. 

I’m met with the sound of roaring water and then the source of it: a waterfall rushing down from an imposing formation of rocks. The entire sight takes my breath away, and I have to stand there in silence to absorb its full beauty. The area radiates the essence of winter: snow-capped mountains in the distance, leafless trees cloaked in snow, and sparkling icicles dangling from the rocks. Yet the waterfall rages on, its cascading waters misting and plummeting into the vast lake below, where only the edges of the lake are partially frozen.

“George, this is amazing!” I may have been apprehensive on our walk here, but now it’s my turn to pull him closer to the waterfall. “How’d you find a place like this?”

“Fred and I were sprinting for dear life from the owner of Dervish and Banges since we accidentally let off a Dungbomb in his shop. We bolted into the countryside and even after we lost him, we figured, why not explore deeper? That’s how we found this place. But the beauty of it isn’t nearly the best part of it all.”

George points towards the side of the waterfall. There’s a hole in the rocks that’s conveniently large enough for us both to crouch down and slither through. Even though I should be more skeptical, I get down on my knees and pull myself forward. 

The waterfall and the winter wonderland may have been beautiful, but the cavernous room hidden behind the hole is stunning. Jagged blue and white crystals line the walls and the center of the room’s ceiling, as though we’re standing in a ginormous geode. Blue rock decorated with white lines surrounds the crystals on the ceiling. I wish I could take out my wand and carve a piece to take back to my dormitory.

My fascination with the crystals and marble almost makes me forget about the waterfall. Mist from the flowing water has left puddles on the smooth grey floor and has dampened the nearby crystal walls. I try to look through the waterfall, but the water is completely opaque. I stick my frozen hand into the falling water and am met with something I never could’ve expected: the water that passes through my fingers turns into tiny blue and white crystals once they touch the ground. 

I bend down and take a crystal, which feels exactly like the crystals along the wall. When I turn them over in my hand, they shine and refract on the ground. Wow, Sinclair would love these to make jewelry. 

I repeatedly dip my hand into the water, each time drawing out more crystals that I can collect for her. As I gather all of them into my palm, I become even more amazed at how shiny they are. Wait, how are they shining if there’s no light source in the cave? I look back up at the ceilings and nearby walls and don’t spot any clues. 

“George, are you seeing this? How can any of this even be possible?” I mutter, mostly to myself even though I direct the question to him. I rotate one crystal around to search for the angle where it catches the light and then look in the direction where the shine is coming from. No, no light there. 

And then I realize that there’s been no response from George.

“George?” I call out louder. Maybe he didn’t hear me the first time. Silence. My voice rises with a touch of fear, “George?”

My eyes frantically dart around the room until I hear a voice from the entrance hole. “Hey, can you lend a hand?” George asks, nervously chuckling. 

I spin around and spot George’s head and torso protruding from the entrance hole. As our gazes meet, his lips curl into a lop-sided bashful smile and his cheeks flush red. “I’m a bit stuck,” he admits sheepishly.

I immediately rush over to pull him out of the hole and help him onto his feet. “George! Why didn’t you say something sooner!?” I ask, incredulously. Honestly, I feel more ashamed of myself for not noticing his absence sooner than surprised by his silence. 

Even after George stands stably on his feet, dirt patted off his jeans, his hands still grasp mine. He pulls me closer to him, one hand on my waist and the other brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. “You were so caught up with that cave, I didn’t want to interrupt you. You have this twinkle in your eye whenever you’re in the zone. I think you look gorgeous whenever you’re hyperfocused like that.” 

“Oh, I…” My cheeks, already flushed from embarrassment at forgetting about him, become a deeper shade of red. No boy has said something so sweet or genuine to me before, and I don’t know how to respond. Especially not when he looks down at me with such a sweet grin and speaks to me with undeniable sincerity in his tone. I settle for the simplest response, a quiet “thank you.” 

George seems pleased at himself for turning me into a speechless mess, his smile growing wider. “You’ve uncovered every secret of this waterfall, except one.” 

He lets go of my hands and takes a step back. “Check this out!” He flashes me a cheeky wink and then jumps in the air. Rather than immediately landing on his feet, he’s suspended a foot or two above the ground. He stays there for several seconds until he slowly drifts down like a feather would. Looks like I’ll be adding another mystery to my research list. 

I rake my eyes over the walls for any special attribute, but it doesn’t seem like anything here would make the place lose gravity. Neither does the energy from the walls feel any different here. This place seems to be nothing more than an unassuming cave. Well, as long as you ignore how it looks like a giant geode. “I really don’t understand how to explain any of this…”

“I think it’s magic,” George says as he winks.

“Of course it is, silly. But I’m just confused. I’ve never been in a place like this before.” 

“When I was little, my mum and dad took us to this magical forest full of colorful, curious-looking birds. Funniest part was that they couldn’t fly; they could only hop. It was brilliant. They hopped about just like this.” The sight of George bouncing around in slow-motion, wildly batting his arms to pretend like he’s a bird, sends me into a fit of laughter. I can’t resist his antics. 

He motions me toward him. “You should give it a go!”

“You want me to hop around like those birds?”  

“I meant that you should be floating around too!” 

I jump up and as expected, I float in the air. Panic briefly washes over me since nothing visible is keeping me stable. But when I don’t abruptly fall flat on my face, I relax and allow myself to gracefully float to the ground. 

George closely observes my movements, timing his jumps to match mine. We end up in a silent game where I try to outsmart him by making him jump before I do, but George is hard to trick.

“Ha! I got you!” he exclaims, even though he clearly jumped after I did.

“Hey! Don’t lie!” 

Even as I drift groundwards before he does, he puffs his chest and smirks at me. “Don’t even try to deny that I’m the winner here.”

“I am not easily fooled, Mr. Weasley.” I muster the strictest prefect voice I possibly can, though a hint of playfulness still slips through.

I suppress a smile as he gives me puppy-dog eyes and sticks his hands in his pockets like a guilty schoolboy. “Forgive me, Ms. Moore.” A smile threatens to grace his lips as he adds, “Has anyone ever told you that you’re absolutely gorgeous?” 

I let out an exaggerated huff. “George!”

“Maybe this’ll cheer you up.” He pulls out the pouch from his pocket, which I’ve completely forgotten about considering all the events of this outing. 

He sits down near the falling water and pats the ground beside him. “I packed us snacks.”

My eyes widen as he lays everything out on the floor before us, the pile seeming like it will never end. Fizzing Whizzbees, Pumpkin Pasties, Liquorice Wands, chocolate éclairs, sandwiches, and beef pasties.

“These are not snacks. This is a feast!” George must’ve really charmed the house elves into giving him extra treats. 

“Ah! I found it!” He sticks his hand into a crevice of the pouch and pulls out two more things. One candy from Honeydukes I don’t recognize, and the bets part: a wrapped chocolate trifle and a spoon. 

“George… How’d you know this is my favorite?” I look at the wrapping, which is a little messy, but clearly done with care and effort. I glance back up at him and catch a huge grin on his face, elated to see me happy.

“It was quite easy to put together, actually. It’s always the first dessert you go for at lunch and dinner.”

My heart flutters at how attentive and thoughtful he is, even when our House tables are far apart. Honestly, I’m touched. “Thank you, George.”

He then drops the Honeydukes candy I don’t recognize into my lap. “These are Singing Sours. I can’t believe you’ve never heard of it until yesterday.”

Based on what he told me after dinner last night, this box contains both predictabilities and surprises. He claims the main surprise will come when I try to eat them, but whether that means when I pour them out of the box or bring them to my mouth, I don’t know. 

As expected, the sunflower-shaped candies sing a simple “la la la” as I pour a few onto my palm. The soft yellow petals ring around brown seeds, an inviting smile in the center. 

“You didn’t tell me how cute they are!” I tickle their leaves, eliciting high-pitched laughter from the Singing Sours. 

“Are they too cute to eat?”

“Hm, I don’t know.” When I was on the train going to Hogwarts for my first year, Ainsworth bought a bag of Fizzling Farm. She showed me the adorable pig- and cow-shaped candies before placing them on her tongue, where they fizzled and dissolved before my eyes. I was horrified. 

“Well, I don’t believe any candy is too cute to spare.” As he brings a Singing Sour to his open mouth, the unlucky candy shrieks, somehow still sounding melodious. He laughs at it and munches on it nonetheless. Turns out all Gryffindors are merciless. 

“Is that the big surprise you were telling me about last night?!” When he nods, I continue, appalled, “That’s horrendous!”

“I think it’s bloody hilarious!” His voice comes out as though he’s singing, and now I have to join in on his laughter. 

“All right. I’ll have one.” I pop the candy into my mouth and wince when it screams bloody murder. But when the simultaneously sour and sweet flavor bursts in my mouth, I relax my face. 

“Actually, you’re not wrong. This is delicious,” I admit. 

We eat some more Singing Sours, whose screams I do my best to ignore before, I remember the items I bought from Honeydukes earlier. 

“I almost forgot that I brought some stuff, too.” I add the Cauldron Cakes, Pink Coconut Ice, and Jelly Slugs to the pile, as though we don’t already have enough sugar. I hand the Chunky Chewers to him. “I just ate screaming candy because of you, so you have to try this.”

He reads the candy name and gives me a look that tells me that I should know better. “Yuck! I am not eating that!” 

“But you’ve never had it before! How do you know you won’t like it?”

“Fred told me it tastes just like squid!” 

“I think it tastes more chewy than rubbery! I promise you’ll like it!”

I hold a Chunky Chewer to his mouth, which as the name implies, is larger than most candies. However, like a picky baby refusing food, George turns his head. “Please? Just one. I promise it won’t make you barf.”

He hesitates but finally gives in. “Alright, but ONLY because I like you so much.” 

He wrinkles his nose as he squishes the candy, which quickly bounces into its original form. George brings it to his lips, opens his mouth, sticks his tongue out, places it on his tongue…

“George! Just eat it!” I lightly smack his chest. His free hand flies to his chest and he clutches his chest as if he’s suffering from immense pain. 

“Ouch!” He keels on his side and dramatically rubs his chest. “I’m in too much pain to possibly eat this!”

“Here, let me help you!” I fish out another Chunky Chewer from the box and sneak it into his mouth as his mouth hangs open from an exaggerated groan. 

His eyes widen with genuine surprise and he grimaces. “You’re getting just as sneaky as me,” he grumbles. George throws the candy around in his mouth before giving in and chewing on it. 

His expression goes from a scrunched nose to a raised brow to a subtle smile. “Honestly…. this isn’t bad. This tastes loads better than the owl dung Fred dared me to eat when we were kids.” At this point, I’m surprised George is still alive. 

We dig into the other sweets and snacks, and George sneaks more Chunky Chewers when he thinks I’m not looking. He even eyes my chocolate trifle, so of course, I give him a spoonful. 

I almost forget about the Liquorice Wands since they’re hidden behind the wrapped sandwiches. I carefully pull the wrapping apart to prevent any from flying out, but George has other ideas. He tosses the box, the Liquorice Wands flying out of the package and floating in the air. 

“What are you doing?” I ask him, confused yet amused. 

“What’s the point of eating if we can’t play with your food a little?” George muses, his tone mischievous. He stands and stretches his body to reach the lowest-floating candy wands, raising his arms as high as he possibly can; yet, the candies evade his grasp. 

“Eh, you want to be tricky, don’t you?” he chastises at the wands. George leaps into the air and swipes a handful of Liquorice Wands. 

He shoves the Liquorice Wands back into the box and grasps the opening with both his hands, exerting as much of his strength as he can onto it. He even wriggles around, wrangling the wands as though they’re fighting against him. 

He turns to me. “What are you doing still sitting there? You have to help me corral these rogue wands!”

Never have I imagined that I would have to jump for my food, but here I am. Even as I stretch my arms more than I’ve ever stretched them before, the wands floating closest to me are completely out of reach. 

“Allow me to me assist you, my lady,” George offers. He bows at me, resembling a gentleman aiding a damsel in distress. He flashes me a grin before he bends his knees and flips backward, which sends him floating in the air. With his leg, George is able to push three Liquorice Wands my way. 

I crack up from how ridiculous he looks floating on his back and how he ungracefully lands on his bottom after drifting back down. “Are you alright?”

“I am, but only because my arse can withstand a fall,” he says with a laugh. 

I hold him back when he tries to go after more wands. “I may not be as inventive as you with doing a backflip, but let me try to figure out how to bring more of them down.” 

Oddly enough, the wands have barely budged since they were first thrown into the air. One of them just barely touches the tip of my pointer finger, but when I try to grab it, it floats up higher. Even Liquorice Wands choose the wizard.

When I pull out my wand, George shouts from below, “Hey! That’s cheating!”

“Fine. I’ll put it away.” I move to put my wand back in my pocket, but then several Liquorice Wands in the path of my wand floating down. 

I ignore George and wave my wand above me, not uttering any incantation or performing any silent spell. Somehow, the Liquorice Wands are attracted to my wand and naturally make their way toward it. 

I collect every wand and place them into the box that George hands me. “What spell did you cheat your way with?” He wags his pointer finger in disapproval. 

“I didn’t cheat at all. The Liquorice Wands are attracted to my wand.”

“Uh huh. You’re saying that these candies wanted to buddy up with your wand, but not with my wand?” He puts on his best professor voice to chide me. For a member of the most chaotic prankster duo, he’s certainly enjoying enforcing his created rules. 

“Well, it’s not my fault they have taste,” I say smugly. 

George bursts out laughing. “I’d be offended, but you’re too clever.”

We go back to munching on the treats, or at least I go back to eating all the food. I eat a little of each to treasure every candy and food he brought for me. My heart feels warm knowing how much effort and attention he put into this. 

George, on the other hand, continues to play with the food and sets himself on experimenting how fast each type of candy falls to the ground. He throws Chunky Chewers in the air one at a time, and opens his mouth wide, waiting for them to slowly float back down and fall into his mouth. 

Sinclair may not exactly like George, but in moments like these, how can I not like George? I like him when he turns something ordinary into something fun, not caring if what he does is seen as embarrassing. I like him when he laughs and a loose strand of hair falls on his forehead. I like him when he comforts me with a simple joke or prank. It’s impossible for me not to be drawn to George when I’m with someone as endearing as him. 

I don’t even realize that I’m staring at him, rather than the Chunky Chewers, until he turns to me with a raised brow. 

“I am more enjoyable than the candy, aren’t I?” He puffs his chest and wiggles his brows like the sucker for attention that he is. His eyes crinkle and his lips are pulled upward in a cheeky grin. And as I stare at his lips, my mind suddenly jumps to kissing him. 

He scoots closer to me, closing the gap between us, as I stare at him, not saying anything. His proximity certainly isn’t helping to erase my impulsive thoughts. “What? Are you enjoying the view?”

My cheeks flush and my lips grow to match his own grin. My heart begins to beat a mile a minute, nervous that he read my mind. “Of course I am.”

He takes my hand in his and gives it a gentle squeeze. His grin widens even more and he looks at me, ignoring the candy game he started. Whether or not he knows I want to kiss him, I don’t know; but I push myself to just go for it. 

Butterflies fill my stomach as I scoot impossibly closer to George, lean forward, and gently kiss his lips. George freezes out of surprise, but I can feel his lips pull into a satisfied smile. He doesn’t hesitate any longer; he cups my cheeks to bring me closer to him and deepen the kiss. His lips are soft and warm, blanketing me from the cold of winter. 

Even with George’s positive response to my kiss, my heart doesn’t stop beating and the butterflies don’t go away. My mind won’t stop racing about how great his lips taste and feel against mine, how warmth radiates from him as he wraps his arms around me, and how this is our first kiss. My very first kiss. 

Something suddenly plops on my shoulder, the surprise making me pull away from the kiss. George’s eyes reflect his own confusion, but then they light up. He brushes my hair back to grab whatever fell. He holds his hand out and lo and behold, it’s the Chunky Chewer. 

George pops the candy into his mouth and says, mid-chew, “Bloody hell, you made me forget about the candy!”

[calqlate]

NOVEMBER SONG

SUMMARY: Yamaguchi Tadashi always saw himself as a side character. However, there came a day whereby he did not want to live like that anymore. He wanted to be seen, to be noticed, to be perhaps, loved — all because of a single person: you.

PAIRING: yamaguchi tadashi x gn! reader

GENRE(S): pining (one sided)

WC: 1559

NOTE(S): inspired by baek yerin's november song + dw it has a happy ending

MASTERLIST

TAGLIST (italicised blogs are unable to be tagged): @deeomi

Yamaguchi Tadashi was that boy: the awkward, quiet boy who sat in the corner of the classroom right next to the windows. He never spoke unless he was spoken to, and he only talked more than he needed to with Tsukishima. He was always seen by girls as Tsukishima's friend, the one that can be used as a channel to get close to the tall blonde. (Yamaguchi had always felt bad for them, because Tsukishima never paid them much attention in the first place.)

Yamaguchi always saw himself as a side character. If he were to appear in a fairytale, he would be the page boy appearing on page fifteen, or perhaps even the faceless gardener drawn in the background. For him, just being there was okay, as long as he was not disrupting the flow of anything. It was okay if Tsukishima was the focal point and he was the 'but'. As long as he was not a forgotten face, he was okay with it.

However, there came a day he did not want to live like that anymore. He wanted to be seen, to be noticed, to be perhaps, loved — all because of a single person: you.

It was funny, was it not? To have lived like an extra of a major production but wanting to be noticed all of a sudden? To be the star, the protagonist, the hero? (Maybe he did not want to be the hero, per se; he just wanted to be seen as a someone for once.)

"What's wrong with you?" Tsukishima asked one day, his patented impassive, blank look still on his face, "You're happier and, I don't know... jittery, these few days."

"M-Me?" Yamaguchi stuttered, then rushed to fill in that dubious reply with a scoff, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes," the blonde sighed through his nose, "Yes, you do."

Yamaguchi did not say anything else. Arguing with his friend would not get him anywhere; Tsukishima was perpetually right all the time. Winning an argument against him would be doing the impossible. It would be akin to proving that Newton was lying when he proved that gravity exists.

So it was natural that Tsukishima was proven right once again when he caught Yamaguchi staring a tad bit too long than usual at a particular person. Tsukishima recognised them: it was [F/N] from the next-door Physics class.

"So, [F/N]?" Tsukishima said after class, a hint of mischief in his golden-brown eyes.

Yamaguchi immediately turned a few shades darker of red, wishing he could disappear into his hair or thin air, he did not mind which.

"You can't be just simply staring at them, you know," the taller male said with a little sigh, "They won't be able to notice you that way."

"I just don't want to embarrass myself," the freckled male said meekly, then added in a softer voice, "I'm just... me. There's nothing special about me."

"No, there is," Tsukishima said, "There are things about you that make you special."

There was a brief pause as Tsukishima frowned, before he elaborated, "Being caring, for instance, and being nice. Not everyone has a soft heart like you, Yamaguchi."

Yamaguchi's jaw fell slightly, and he stared at his friend with wide eyes. Tsukishima had never really complimented him before, so this was something new and big. Monumental, even.

He smiled, "Thanks, Tsukki."

Catching a person's attention, however, proved to be difficult. He did not know how Tsukishima managed to do it, but he was surely envious of whatever the blonde had that he himself was lacking in. However, he thought of a plan that he found always proved to be successful in almost every drama his mother watched.

"[F/N]?" he said one day as he approached you, your name rolling off his lips easily yet oddly, like it was meant to be.

You quirked an eyebrow up at him, beckoning him to continue.

"I-I was wondering if you'd like to study together," he said, stuttering unintentionally at the start, to which he mentally berated and kicked himself for, "Additional Mathematics, especially. I can't quite grasp linear law." That was a lie; he was rather good at Additional Mathematics, and his best topic was linear law.

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, "But aren't you good in Additional Mathematics?"

He winced internally. Drat, he was caught. Time to deploy Plan B.

"I was thinking it could be more of a revision session," he said before any doubts could cross your mind, "I can't prepare with Tsukki either; he has tuition classes."

"Oh, okay," you said, shrugging your shoulders slightly, "How does Saturday afternoon sound?"

"Sounds good," he said, smiling and hoping it did not look too creepy or off-putting in any way (because God forbid he scared you off after his very first interaction with you), "We'll do that."

The revision sessions did prove to help; Yamaguchi got closer to you. Perhaps it was even a little too fast-paced than he originally thought it would be, since he clearly did not plan too far ahead when he realised a harmless little crush turned into a full-blown and slightly dangerous love. Every little accidental touch sent both of your hands jerking away from each other, every slightly prolonged glance sent both of your cheeks burning whenever they were caught, and every smile set both of your hearts pounding furiously against both of your ribcages.

"You're in love with them," Tsukishima blurted out one day during lunch, which caused Yamaguchi to choke on his rice.

"W-What?" he said as he pounded on his chest, looking at Tsukishima with wide eyes, similar to that of a fish's.

"[F/N]," Tsukishima said casually, picking a cherry tomato from his lunchbox with his chopsticks.

Yamaguchi covered his face in his hands, "Is it really that obvious?"

"Anyone would know," Tsukishima said plainly, "It's that obvious."

A pause followed as Tsukishima chewed on the cherry tomato, then, "Aren't you going to confess?"

"M-Me? Confess?" Yamaguchi stuttered as he dropped his hands to his sides, "It's not that easy, you know!"

"What century are you living in, Yamaguchi?" Tsukishima asked with a snort before closing his lunchbox, "It doesn't matter who asks the other person out. Anyway—" — The blonde paused and stared at his friend before continuing — "Don't you want to make a lasting impression on them?"

Yamaguchi bit his lower lip. He was never one to be macho or manly in any way. He was the shy and gentle guy; he would be a stammering mess with pink-tinted cheeks. However, Tsukishima had raised a valid point. It was time to "man up", like Tanaka-senpai had always said, and make the first move, like chess.

Tsukishima stood up, taking his lunchbox with him.

"Be confident," Tsukishima said, patting the dark green-haired male on the shoulder before walking off, "I know you can do it."

And so he did; he puffed his chest out and summoned every ounce of willpower he had to brave through the confession, to enunciate his words clearly without hesitation.

He expected rejection. Which person, in their right mind, would say yes?

Apparently, you were that person, which pleasantly surprised him.

He always wondered, what exactly did you see in him that made you agree? He hoped you were not just doing it out of pity, or worse, using him to get close to Tsukishima. (A lot of people liked Tsukki better than the plain old Yamaguchi anyway.)

However, you always reassured him gently, all while taking his hands, that you did it because you reciprocated his feelings. You were not lying to him in any way, neither did your actions have any underlying meaning. You were willing to be together with him, to be his other half, to be the one supporting him at one hundred percent.

Whenever he felt down, whenever he felt useless, whenever he felt like the world was against him for some unknown and odd reason, you were always there to give a hug, to tell him that everything was going to be alright, and that you were physical proof that you were there and would not be going anywhere. It was during times like these that Yamaguchi knew for sure that this love was meant to be his and it was uniquely his, that a bond like this would never come again in his entire lifetime.

Even if this love was broken, trampled on, and tested, it would never fade. Both of you would always come back together, like unlike poles, the right puzzle pieces filling in the gaps.

Maybe this love was not romantic according to society's standards, but that was okay. It was the bond and overwhelming feelings that words could not describe make this love special, one that cannot be recreated.

He hoped he could be the one for you, too: the shoulder you could cry on, the first person you would share good news with, the Mr. Right in your happily ever after. That future was close in reach, but he did not know that. For now, he was content with the way he lived with you, and that was perfectly fine.

As long as the two of you were connected, like two single lines diverged together into one, everything will be fine.

[hanjisungs-bigtittyg0thgf]

Muse

music major!bang chan x art major!reader

Trigger warnings: none

Content warnings: your teeth might fall out over how sweet it is??? that's literally it. it's all fluff lmao

Summary: after what you believe is a chance meeting, chan becomes your muse.

Word count: 3237

Author's note: omg hiiiii babes it's been a minuteeee. this is kinda short but it was the first thing i wrote after finally working through some stuff. shoutout to @hopelessromantic5933 for requesting this, sorry for making you wait almost two years 🥲 anyways, i hope you all enjoy it! don't forget to check out my other work ❤ and don't hesitate to send in asks! also redoing my tag list so comment or dm to be added! much loveeeeee

Tags: @bahng-chrizz

content after the cut

You let out a soft sigh as you grabbed your bag and stood from your desk. You were contemplating changing your major as you made your way out of the classroom, digging through your bag to find your phone. You loved learning new concepts and trying new things but the technique you were learning this week was one you’d never appreciated. You didn’t hate it per se, but you definitely avoided that style. It just didn’t speak to you.

You finally found your phone and began scrolling through your notifications as you made your way towards your favorite food truck. You made a confused face when you saw an Instagram notification from right after your class started. You clicked on it and were greeted with a page full of photos that screamed music major. “Who the fuck is this?” You didn’t bother to go through his pictures, choosing instead to scan his bio for any indication that you knew him. All you came up with was that you attended the same university and shared some mutual friends. He was cute from what you could see so you shrugged and approved the follow request, pocketing your phone as you reached your destination.

You placed your order and stepped to the side, turning to survey the quad. It was a beautiful day and everyone seemed to be taking advantage of it. Maybe inspiration would strike if you sat and people-watched for a bit.

You heard your name a few minutes later and gave a polite smile as you took your food, then scurried off towards your favorite tree. Campus staff had placed a massive wooden lawn chair and some fairy lights under that tree and it always felt so cozy. Plus, you had the best vantage point from there. You could almost see the entire quad from that one spot and you often found yourself sketching study groups there. Today would be slightly different since you were trying something new, but you found a sense of comfort as you settled into the chair and happily munched on your lunch.

As soon as you’d finished eating, you grabbed your sketch pad and pencil and allowed your gaze to sweep across the open field. It was teeming with life so all you had to do was choose someone and start sketching. You shook your head and chose a stationary subject first, needing to build up the courage to locate someone you’d consider asking to model for you.

Your eyes settled on a petite young woman who was seated a few yards away, sipping on coffee with her nose in a book. She almost seemed out of place here given how regal she appeared. Her posture was perfect, shoulders squared and back straight, and her hair fell over her shoulders in romantic waves. She was a picturesque beauty.

You began drawing, allowing your pencil to glide along the paper and create a version of the woman that you felt did her justice. It was far from perfect but you were certain no artist could truly capture her beauty so you gave yourself some grace. You were adding more detail when she began to pack up her things. You let out a soft sigh, knowing you’d likely never see the goddess again and this was as far as you’d get with this sketch. You flipped the page and decided to take a different approach as you spotted two men throwing a frisbee. Both were attractive, though one had a more athletic build.

You focused on the athletic one and took mental notes on the way his body moved as you began to draw him. First, you sketched out the general shape of his body as he twisted in preparation to throw the disk, then you began to add more details. You focused on the way his clothing fell and the way the midday sunlight bounced off his caramel brown hair, getting a strange sense of familiarity as you scrawled notes in the margins on the colors you’d incorporate when you got the chance.

You watched him closely as you tried to find another position to sketch him in, perking up instantly when you caught him with his arm outstretched, the frisbee leaving his hand. He was smiling brightly, displaying the most adorable dimples, and your heart sped up for a moment. You quickly began to sketch, memorizing as much detail as possible before he moved too much.

You gulped but drew even more frantically when he lifted his shirt to wipe the beads of sweat rolling down his face, revealing a six pack and prominent v-line. His proportions were perfect and if you weren’t so flustered by how attractive he was, you’d ask him to model for you. He was exactly what you needed for this project.

That strange familiarity came creeping back in as you drew but it was only when you made brief eye contact that you recognized him. He was the owner of the mystery account who’d requested to follow you less than an hour ago. You frantically looked away and continued drawing, praying he wouldn’t have anything to say when he undoubtedly recognized you from your photos.

You thought you were in the clear when he didn’t approach you after about five minutes but just when the thought crossed your mind, your luck ran out and the frisbee came flying at your head. You ducked your head quickly and listened as the disk crashed into the tree behind you.

“Felix, your arm fuckin’ sucks, bro!” Your breath caught in your throat when your unwitting model’s Australian accent reached your ears as he jogged towards you.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Called the man who’d lobbed the plastic at your head - Felix, as you’d gleaned from hearing the athletic man mocking him. He looked panicked, hands covering his mouth as he watched from where he was frozen in place. He was just as pretty and you certainly wouldn’t mind him modeling for you sometime. He had a wholesome, warm appearance.

“Sorry about him, he’s usually not such a klutz.” Your mystery man flashed a smile as he rounded your chair, taking a glance at your work as he reached down behind you.

“Ah- no, it’s not a problem. I wasn’t paying much attention.” You offered up a shy smile before looking back down to your paper. You didn’t notice him studying your pad as he retrieved the disk so you were startled when he attempted conversation as he righted himself.

“You sure about that?” He chuckled softly as he leaned over your shoulder to get a closer look and you froze. “Looks like you were paying plenty of attention.” He teased as he studied your art. Who was he and why was he so comfortable? Your heart was thumping and you wanted to vanish. “You an art major?” He asked as he stood straight once more and came around the chair to properly look at you. He was still closer to you than a stranger should be but at least you could breathe again.

Your cheeks were flaming red at being caught and you simply nodded as you began to gather your things in a rush. “I am. Sorry, this is probably really weird for you. I should-”

“What? No! This is really flattering. I don’t know a whole lot about art but you did an amazing job. Can I take a look at some of your other stuff sometime?” You froze once more but his blinding smile won against your nerves and you found yourself nodding. “Great! Can I get your number to get in touch? Or is Instagram better?”

“Ah, so you recognized me…” You let out a single huff of air that somewhat resembled a laugh as you closed your book.

“Of course I did. It’s not often I come across such a beautiful woman.” His dimples appeared once more as your cheeks went pink and your jaw dropped slightly, a smile slowly taking over your face. “Here.” He handed you his phone and you took it slowly, trying to collect yourself and remember how to use your thumbs to type your number out. When you passed it back, his fingers ghosted over yours and you retreated quickly as his smile faded into something far more flirtatious. “Thanks, I’ll text you. I’m Chan, by the way.”

“Y/n…” You murmured, enraptured by the man before you. You were dumbfounded at the way he spoke so comfortably and seemed to take an interest in you. This man was Adonis and was looking at you with an unbelievable level of interest.

“Pleased to meet you, y/n.” He began to back away as he pocketed his phone, his carefully crafted confident facade beginning to crumble, revealing a giddy young man who was thrilled to have gotten a girl’s number so easily. “I’ll let you get back to it. But do try and get my left side. That’s my good side.” He winked and you involuntarily rolled your eyes as a smile finally appeared on your lips as he made his way back to his friend with a triumphant grin.

————————————————

Your phone buzzed just after 6pm that night and you froze at the unfamiliar number.

Hi pretty 👋🏻 it’s Chan. How are you?

You quickly saved his number before responding.

hiii i’m good how are you

Much better now that I’m talking to you 😉

You were at a loss for words but he quickly sent another message.

I’d be even better if I could take you to get coffee in the near future. Are you free next weekend? Say Saturday at 11am?

You felt a jolt of anxiety shock your body but shook it off. You’d never grow as a person if you continued to shrink away from people who wanted to get to know you. Plus, he was cute. Which is why we’re anxious, dumbass. This isn’t about human connection, this is about a beautiful man flirting with you. You shook your head and typed out a response.

i think i can manage that 😆

Perfect! I’m thrilled to see you and your amazing work. 😌

————————————————

The coffee date had gone smoothly, with Chan gushing about your work and lighting up like a neon sign when you asked him to model for you. He’d been so flattered and excited that you’d asked and had immediately set up a time for you to draw him. After you’d gotten home, you texted him with more details, including where to meet and what he should wear.

Now, he was standing in your living room and you were circling him with one arm crossed over your middle while you drummed your fingers of the opposite hand against your chin. He was fighting the urge to shift around under your scrutiny and let out a tiny sigh of relief when you stopped in front of him with a smile. “I think I have an idea.”

“Have your way with me.” He grinned, ears going red when you stared at him somewhat surprised by his words. “Uh- I just- h-how do you want me to pose? That’s what I meant…” 

You laughed at his flush and shook your head. “Don’t make it weird.” You warned playfully as you pushed him towards your bedroom. You had a daybed with warm-toned sheets and pillows and knew instantly that it was the perfect backdrop. “Come on, I know what I’m gonna do with you.” He seemed to grow more flustered as he processed where you were guiding him and you almost laughed again.

Over the last few weeks, you’d grown quite comfortable with him but he seemed a little less outspoken. He was still very flirtatious but in a more genuine, careful way. He didn’t come on as strong as he did at first. While getting to know each other, you’d come to realize he was a kind man with a lot of love to give the world and a strong sense of self, not just your typical college kid. Most of your late night conversations were deep, thought-provoking, emotional discussions about life where you could see his soul was just as beautiful as his exterior. So while he certainly had his moments of being just some guy, he saved his perverted humor for his friends and kept most things with you pretty PG and entirely sincere.

When you reached your room, you nudged him towards the bed and turned to set up your easel. “Take off your shirt and socks and get on the bed.” He hesitated at first and was on the verge of sputtering some shy response when you turned back with your bottom lip poking out. “Oh come onnnn.” You whined cutely, further exaggerating your pout. “It’s for class.” Your pout was quickly replaced with a little grin as you grabbed your canvas and placed it on the easel. “Plus, it’s not like I haven’t already seen your body before.”

“Right.” He cleared his throat and began to unbutton his shirt. You watched him in your peripheral vision as you continued to set everything up and had an idea.

“Actually, hold on.” You stopped him as he began to slide the linen off his muscular shoulders and he slowly put it back in place. “Just leave it open like that, that’s perfect.” You smiled as your vision fully came to you. “Socks off and get in the middle of the bed.”

He followed your instructions while watching you scurry off to your en suite bathroom to fill a cup with water. When you returned, he was sitting almost awkwardly in the center of your bed and you chuckled softly. You approached him wordlessly and knelt beside him to arrange your pillows so they were nestled in the right corner. You gestured for him to recline and stood back once he was slumped. He wasn’t lying down, he was simply sprawled across your mattress at an angle.

“Okay, bring your right knee up and sort of prop on your left elbow.” You watched as he complied and scrutinized his positioning for a moment before crawling back onto the bed. “I’m gonna make some adjustments.”

You noticed his flush creeping down his neck as you adjusted his open shirt how you wanted it to lay. “Put your hand like this.” You instructed as you demonstrated how you wanted his hand to rest across his bare torso and he complied. “And relax your left leg a bit. I want you to almost lay like Adam in Creation of Adam.”

“I think I get where you’re going with this.” He nodded, a tiny grin settling on his lips. You lifted a brow as you waited for his guess and instantly rolled your eyes when he spoke again. “You’re trying to tell me I’m a classic beauty.”

“Yes, but no.” You laughed softly as you shook your head. “Look over there.” You pointed to where you’d be sitting and made some final adjustments to his shirt as he followed your instructions. You noticed him forcing his breathing to remain steady and his flush reaching his chest as your fingers accidentally brushed against the waistband of his cream colored linen pants.

You didn’t allow yourself to worry over how you’d just touched him or to get flustered at the effect your proximity was having on him and pushed ahead, reaching to fix his hair. You adjusted a single curl and brushed a few strands away from his eyes before your gazes met and you lost the battle to remain calm. Your cheeks went a soft pink as he smiled up at you. “Hi.”

“Hi.” You whispered back, smiling back at him and allowing your fingertips to trail down the side of his face. Seeing him this close made you even more certain of your decision to cast him as your model. His skin was flawless and his bone structure was heavenly. He truly was a god among men. And his lips…

“You’re staring.” He whispered, his smile slipping away as he noticed the way your eyes locked on his full lips.

“I’m not…” You refuted his claim but still couldn’t look away.

“You are.” His face grew redder and you thought he might kiss you but he didn’t dare move after you’d finally gotten him perfectly positioned. It was almost maddening.

“I’m not.” You finally looked towards his eyes and found him staring at your lips as well. “You are.”

“Can’t help it. You have pretty lips.” He slowly met your gaze and something in you snapped. You’d been wanting him to kiss you for a couple weeks and he hadn’t so you took matters into your own hands.

When your lips met his, he hesitated. Not because he wasn’t interested, but because he was surprised that you’d initiated it. You’d given him the impression that you wanted him to take the lead and he wanted to be careful with you so he hadn’t dared to do more than hold your hand. But now your lips were on his and he was in the clouds.

He slowly brought his hand up to cup your face without disturbing the careful placement of his shirt and allowed his lips to move against yours. Your heart was racing at how slow and sweet the moment was. It felt like the stars had aligned and you found yourself smiling against his lips. “I’ve wanted to do that for a little while now.” You whispered and began to pull back.

“Me too. I’ve been trying to take it slow with you though. Didn’t wanna move too fast and risk scaring you off.” He explained quietly, not really letting you move as his hand slipped to the back of your neck. “So come back here, we’ve got a couple weeks of lost time to make up for.” He teased as he chased your lips.

“You did the exact opposite. You were driving me mad wondering what exactly was happening between us.” You laughed softly before allowing him to kiss you again. His lips felt perfect against yours and you knew instantly that you’d quickly become addicted.

It couldn’t have been more than three minutes of sharing chaste kisses but it felt much longer and you frowned a bit when you finally came up for air. “Unfortunately, I’ve got to get to work now or you’ll be stuck waiting here until late into the night.”

“I could wait an eternity for you, babe.” He winked before immediately cringing. You couldn’t help but laugh loudly at the face he pulled and he took a moment to admire your joyful expression before shaking his head. “That was so cheesy, I’m sorry.” He chuckled and settled back into his previous position. “Work your magic.”

“For the record,” you started as you stood and studied him once more. “I love little pet names like that.” You hummed, making your way to your canvas. “So I’d really like it if you continued to use them.”

“Of course, baby girl. But don’t be surprised if I rarely use your real name then.” He grinned and relaxed his hand, allowing his fingers to splay out against his stomach.

“I’ll hold you to that. Now give me an emotionally tortured smolder.” You smiled to yourself at his soft laugh and began to sketch out the god of a man lounging on your bed.

[boysborntodie]

Johnny/Cherry parallels

I had always noticed the parallels between Bob and Dally, both of them being direct foils to each other, but whilst analysing them, I noticed that two other characters were also set up as foils (whether intentionally or not), especially in regard to their relationships with both the aforementioned boys. I wanted to dive deeper into that.

1) Their relationship with Bob

Bob, despite being a major character with his death being the catalyst for the events of the novel, only appears in two scenes. Anything else about him we know is from accounts by Johnny, Cherry and Randy. 

Through his relationship with Johnny, we see him at his worst; A cruel, violent and callous person who had hurt Johnny to such an extent that Ponyboy remarks that Johnny would kill if someone tried to hurt him like that again, long before he actually proved it. As the novel is from Ponyboy’s POV, and this is the side of Bob that he showed Greasers, we mostly trust Johnny’s accounts and the few glimpses of Bob we see.

However, Cherry (and Randy) tells us of a different side of him, one more positive and sympathetic. Cherry recognizes Bob’s faults, but she also knew him to be friendly, nice and someone worth looking up to. 

This isn't much to remark on in itself, until you take Dally into consideration.

2) Their relationship with Dally

Dally is essentially Bob, but lower-class. Like Bob, he’s mean and violent (He had been arrested, he got drunk, he rode in rodeos, lied, cheated, stole, rolled drunks, jumped small kids--- he did everything), but because we see him in Ponyboy’s POV and his relationship with Johnny, we know first-hand of Dally’s capability of goodness and his better qualities, in a way we aren’t privy to Bob’s. 

Cherry states that she’s scared of Dally, and, while a part of her is attracted to him, she sees him as a genuinely bad and terrible person, calling him dirty and considering him one of the worst Greasers she’s seen, with Dallas’s advances and forcefulness towards her, not helping his case. It’s one of the times in the novel, we see Dally acting as mean as we’re constantly told he is. 

On the other hand, Dally is at his best with Johnny who gives him hope that goodness exists in a cruel world, and that a person who has suffered so much could still remain kind and soft. Johnny is the only person who’s able to stand up to Dally, with Dally actually listening to him, without a fight. It’s worth noting that Cherry also stands up to Dally, despite knowing what he’s capable of, something not many people do due to fear of him.

"Leave her alone, Dally." ("Huh?") "You heard me. Leave her alone.” // "Please leave us alone," she (Cherry) said. "Why don't you be nice and leave us alone?"

3) Their individual relationships with Dally and Bob 

Johnny managed an admiring grin. "You sure didn't show (that you were scared). Nobody talks to Dally like that." // She (Cherry) smiled, "From what I saw, you do."

Edit: @veggiesforpresident pointed this out the other day to me.

Dally could never love Cherry. I would be surprised if Dally loved anything//Johnny was the one thing Dally loved

(Not to make it about Jally but SE Hinton is kinda setting herself up at this point)

Bob is to Cherry as Dally is to Johnny. Both of them recognize their faults and shortcomings, without being blinded by their biases towards them. But at the same time Johnny and Cherry describe these men who are so upfront about their cruelty and callousness, as capable of admirable qualities. 

Johnny and Cherry are both great judges of character, have strong morals and are extremely observant, being able to see things others are blind to, so Ponyboy, while incredulous to both of their statements, having a strong dislike for the boys, is contemplative of it.

"Dally's okay," Johnny said defensively. "He's tough, but he's a cool old guy." // “You only knew his (Bob’s) bad side. He could be sweet sometimes, and friendly.”

"Yeah... in the manners bit, and the charm, too, I guess," Johnny said slowly, "but one night I saw Dally gettin' picked up by the fuzz, and he kept real cool and calm the whole time. They was gettin' him for breakin' out the windows in the school building, and it was Two-Bit who did that. And Dally knew it. But he just took the sentence without battin' an eye or even denyin' it. That's gallant." // “I know I'm too young to be in love and all that, but Bob was something special. He wasn't just any boy. He had something that made people follow him, something that marked him different, maybe a little better, than the crowd. Do you know what I mean?”

Another unrelated parallel is that, like Johnny stood up to Dally, Cherry can and will call out Bob if she thinks he crosses a line.

"Leave her alone, Dally." ("Huh?") "You heard me. Leave her alone.” // "Cherry looked mad. "A little (drunk)? You call reeling and passing out in the streets 'a little'? Bob, I told you, I'm never going out with you while you're drinking, and I mean it. Too many things could happen while you're drunk. It's me or the booze."

Cherry’s fear of Dally parallels Johnny’s fear of Bob. While it can be argued that Dally didn’t hurt Cherry like Bob did Johnny, he crosses her boundaries, speaks derogatory of her and verbally torments her (in the movie, he forcefully grabs her, so for once, movie!Dally is actually worse than book!Dally), to the point Johnny, who is known as non-confrontational, intervenes.

4) Their relationships with Ponyboy

Johnny and Cherry are special amongst the entire cast, for their mostly positive relationship with Ponyboy, the protagonist and narrator of the novel. Apart from Soda, they’re the only two people Ponyboy feels comfortable and able to be himself with. 

"I know," I said. "Well," I said, thinking this over, "you ain't like any of the gang. I mean, I couldn't tell Two-Bit or Steve or even Darry about the sunrise and clouds and stuff. I couldn't even remember that poem around them. I mean, they just don't dig. Just you and Sodapop. And maybe Cherry Valance." 

But Johnny and I understood each other without saying anything. Nobody but Soda could really get me talking. Till I met Cherry Valance.

They both appreciate and admire Ponyboy’s intellect, innocence and sensitivity, despite people usually thinking of such qualities as useless and signs of weakness and naivety. While others like Two-Bit and Darry also do, Cherry and Johnny are more upfront about it and think of them as Ponyboy's strengths.

“Stay gold, Ponyboy.”

‘When you're a kid everything's new, dawn. It's just when you get used to everything that it's day. Like the way you dig sunsets, Pony. That's gold. Keep that way, it's a good way to be.’

//

"You read a lot, don't you, Ponyboy?" Cherry asked. "-I'll bet you watch sunsets, too."

“You're a nice kid, Ponyboy. Do you realise how scarce nice kids are nowadays?”

Unrelated and I don’t have much to say on it, but these two scenes are fairly similar, with Ponyboy snapping at Cherry and Johnny respectively, after they say their thoughts which go against his current views whilst he’s emotional and upset, which end up changing further in the novel (Darry hating him/Bob being an irredeemable person).

“An' you can shut your trap, Johnny Cade, 'cause we all know you ain't wanted at home, either. And you can't blame them." // "I wouldn't want you to see him. You're a traitor to your own kind and not loyal to us. Do you think your spying for us makes up for the fact that you're sitting there in a Corvette while my brother drops out of school to get a job? Don't you ever feel sorry for us. Don't you ever try to give us handouts and then feel high and mighty about it."

5) Their roles and understanding of societal roles

Apart from Ponyboy, Johnny and Cherry are the characters who most despise the existence of the Greasers and Socs dynamic, the rampant classism in Tulsa which victimises both sides of the class division, especially children, and the societal roles forced upon them.

“I’ll kill myself or something (when talking about the Socs).” “It seems like there’s gotta be someplace without greasers or Socs” // “We’ve got troubles you (Ponyboy) haven’t even heard of. You want to know something? Things are rough all over.”

"Useless... Fighting's no good" // "I can't stand fights... I can't stand them"

Whilst most other people think of them as unfair, they also accept it as a part of life. Cherry and Johnny represent those who can’t just accept it, but also can’t do anything against the system or to save themselves from it and are destined to live and die as a byproduct of this system, rather than escaping it. After a life of abuse and trauma, Johnny dies before he is ready to, while Cherry still adheres to societal norms, and is forced to hide her true self, as shown as she ignores Ponyboy at school. 

They’re also set as foils to Ponyboy who is an anomaly among Greasers and Socs, and, like them, understands that the class dynamics of Tulsa should not be considered as just a part of life, instead recognising how they hurt everyone, turn kids against each other and cause prejudices that blind them from seeing their humanity. But Ponyboy has the power to not only escape Tulsa and its classism someday but also to actually act against it, by writing the Outsiders.

[v3nusxsky]

Hi there!! I would absolutely LOVE a super duper fluffy age regression fic with lady lesso if it isnt too much trouble!! Your fanfictions are simply lovely, they make a lot of people happy, i myself included. Keep up the AMAZING work, you're doing such a good job!! :))))

Hey lovely anon, thank you for your kind words I hope this is what you were looking for my lovely.

Little dove~ fluff

*Authors note~ I feel like a motherly lesso is just top tier and I absolutely adore the prompt. Your kind words are fuelling my mind to write I don't know how I feel about this one :(*

Trigger warnings~ regression little r cg lesso

Prompt~ tumblr anon~ Hi there!! I would absolutely LOVE a super duper fluffy age regression fic with lady lesso if it isnt too much trouble!! Your fanfictions are simply lovely, they make a lot of people happy, i myself included.

Keep up the AMAZING work, you're doing such a good job!! :)))

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

You had been regressing for years, most of that time you spent alone. In your little state all you could desire was someone to hold you, comfort you, and play with you. Yet you couldn't have that. You had to keep your regression to yourself. It wasn't safe for you to be open, you knew what would happen and what would be said if this got out. That's why you did your very best to hide.

You joined the staff at the newly joint school for good and evil, you thought it would be easy to hide. After al being around adults and teens would force you to stay in your "big" state. Knowing you had responsibilities for these students just kept you on track. Little did you know you would meet the love of your life here. And that women, was the one and only Dean of Evil, Lady Leonora Lesso. Suddenly hiding your regression had never been harder.

Spending time with Lesso, caused you to feel safe and content, which meant you felt yourself slipping a lot more often than usual. And that was okay. When you had been caught in your little state by your girlfriend, she handled it impeccably well, immediately amplifying her motherly instincts and coming to hold you. That was truly the first time you had ever felt so safe and content in this mindset. That fact caused you to slip even further than you had before, knowing that your Nora had you. You were safe in her arms.

The next day, you and your girlfriend had a long chat about your need to regress, what if anything you required from her and any words that would upset or trigger you in that mind set. You instantly told her about your special box, that contained your little items. From that day forward you were to find your lover if you felt the urge to slip, she would call you her little princess or her little Angel. You called her momma. Finally for the first time in your life you felt loved, safe and cared for.

Unfortunately not everyone was understanding as you knew. Your classes had been particularly difficult today and you constantly felt the urge to slip, you were showing subtle signs that you knew your girlfriend would pick up on but others would ignore. On your way to the staff meeting you couldn't help but notice just how much the slip would be needed. Your desire to hold it off till after the meeting was strong, you couldn't let anyone know.

Your control dwindled quickly and you couldn't stop the slip. Others instantly picking up on the change, your thumb found it's way to your lips and you were slightly sucking on it. It was a self soothing manner you had developed in the little land. You began to blink incredibly slowly and fiddling with your sleeves, until a comment was made. That one comment filled you with panic, you immediately let your eyes dart around the room in search of your momma. Unable to find her you did the only thing your little brain could think of. You cried and fled the room. Your legs carrying you to your safe place, your home, your momma.

You didn't knock when you reached her room, you just tore through the room in an panic, searching or your special box. Lesso was immediately on edge when you entered without your teasing comments or that beautiful smile that met your eyes. She was up and on her feet following you having a small guess on what state you where in. When she found you, your contents of the box were thrown all over the floor as you clutched a bear to your chest, playing the the hair of the bear. Tears streaming down your cheeks as you began to rock yourself slowly.

Lesso came to kneel in front of you, carful not to touch you until you initiated it, and whispered "why's my little angel crying?" Alerting you her presence, you threw yourself into her safe embrace while stuttering and mumbling a babbled explanation of what had happened. Clearly, you weren't able to communicate what had happened so she settled on comforting her princess. She showered you with love, reassurance and praise. You were her baby and she adored you. Calming you down is her priority, she would find the cause later and punish them accordingly.

It took some time for you to calm your little mind enough to explain to her what was said. Really and truly it wasn't that bad and you knew that, but I'm that mindset it was the worst thing that could've been said. Being told to grow up when you mentally can't is hard to hear. Lady lesso knew just how that would've affected you, so she focused her attention and energy on you. You were her baby, and she didn't want you to be hurting. Showering you with affection before she helped you stand so she could carry you to her chambers. Your thumb finding its way to your mouth again, your body becoming sleepy as you felt her heart beating bellow your hand.

"Pretty princess are you tired baby?" She murmured bringing a hand to rub your back. "Yes momma" you whimpered before yawning into her neck. That's how you found yourself snuggled up to the older women on her bed, with your bear and lesso you felt like nothing in the world could never hurt you.

Word count~ 1008

[fearlessword]

I’ll meet you in my dreams - Chapter 2

Summary: You dreamed of the boy who played piano before you knew who he was. Humming the melodies you heard in your sleep brought BTS into your life and you thought it was just meant to be.When you finally have the chance to see him perform live, you realize that the dreams you have are more than a coincidence. You hope he dreams of you too.

Slow burn/ Slow build/ canon divergence/ d-day tour / soulmate- ish

Pairing: Idol! Min Yoongi x Reader

Ongoing

Masterlist

Author’s note: Hi tumblr! I’ve been wanting to post this fic here for such a long time! Seriously! I can’t believe I actually did it! I’m so excited for you to read this chapter! I post on AO3 first, but it’s nice to share my work on this platform too! Please send me your thoughts on this chapter, I’d love to hear it. I’ll come back in a few days with chapter 3, but if you want to read it before that, you can find it here. I hope you like it! Thank you for being here!

Chapter 2

February 2023

“…So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, so long lives this, and this gives life to thee…” you read.

“This is one of my favorites, and one of the most famous Shakespearean sonnets. You guys already know how much I love words but in this sonnet…” you pause with a sigh. “I feel so happy reading it, it took Shakespeare only 14 verses to explain how powerful and everlasting words are. Can you imagine how extraordinary it would feel to be the muse of a piece of work like this? I don’t want to go crazy over this, but how beautiful is that? And to see that he was indeed right, the poem does give life to his beloved muse, it makes me want to cry. How beautiful is that? Just think about it?!”

“Ms. _______, you are fangirling over poetry again” one of the students says.

“Well, it is my profession after all! I am also a fan of so many things, it’s the way I function!” You laugh. “But you guys need to agree, it’s beautiful. You should think about writing a sonnet like this to your Valentines next year… Does anyone want to comment on their first impressions of this piece before we go deep into our analysis?”

The students were ready to give their opinions when the bell rang, announcing your lesson was over and stopping the discussion from happening. The backpacks and chairs in the classroom combined in a messy, hustled melody created by your high schoolers. It was the end of the school day, after all.

“ Well, it’s nice to end the day with a hook. Please read Sonnet 18 one more time and write a short comment about it in your reading journals. We’ll discuss it in the next class. Enjoy your Valentine’s day, everybody!”

One by one, the students left the room, leaving you alone with the mess of the classroom. As usual, you organized the desks and chairs for the next day, erased the white board, turned the electronics off and put away all of the supplies in the cabinet. You only left out your pencil case and the piles of assignments to grade. It was Tuesday, but the faster you start grading, the easier your Friday will be. Even though being a teacher means that you eventually (or always) take work home, you made yourself a rule that you’d avoid working during your weekends. Also, no teacher wants to grade anything on a Friday afternoon. It’s not like you have anything to do on Valentine’s day, either way.

You directed your attention to the desk and a huff left your body as you thought about the few hours of unpaid work you had ahead of you. You didn’t know if the gray Tuesday made your situation worse or better. You tried to see it with a positive attitude: at least you wouldn't spend the next few hours inside, admiring a perfect sunny day through the windows of your classroom.

Before sitting down to start grading, you got your phone and your airpods in your bag, you didn’t bother to turn the airplane mode off, and, to be honest, that was probably the best option if you wanted to really focus on your work. A playlist of your favorite songs is the one selected for the occasion. You put your phone away, grab your green pen and start.

When The Truth Untold started, you were halfway through grading. You couldn’t help thinking of how unlucky you were. BTS came into your life only during the pandemic, which meant no concerts, but lots of content and late night meme videos and Korean lessons that distracted and helped you when you needed the most. When the concerts finally happened in the US, you were out of the country to complete part of your Masters in Literature in England. It was more than a dream come true, from visits to the Globe to visits to the lakes and all of the places your favorite authors and characters saw long before. It felt bittersweet. The timing was just wrong, and now, it felt like the chances of seeing all seven of them just escaped through your fingers. All you could do was wait. Wait until the seven of them come back, and trust them. It was hard, but was there another option?

Just fans understand how hard it is.

Alright, you need to focus on the grading.

The playlist kept going as you corrected and graded and wrote comments in each of the papers, carefully analyzing the work of your students. Every once in a while, you’d laugh at how they expressed their opinions on their essays. How fun their snarky comments were! The piles of paper were organized into folders. Thankfully, in less than three hours, the work was finally done, (until the next time, which will probably happen sooner than what you want.) It’s half of the week, and finally time to go home.

Winter was unusually warm this year. Still, the short walk from the school to the subway station felt longer because of the cold air. It wasn’t too cold, but it wasn’t comfortable either. The hot mass of air that embraces you as you enter the station is welcomed, at least during the colder seasons. The station was packed, it’s always a struggle when it’s peak time, but on days like this, when the busy people of the city go out to dinner to celebrate the existence of their love life, it is just the worst. When the train came, you found a spot where you could stay, close enough to the door so you could leave it three stations later.

You hope there is a seat for you in the Q train that will take you to Brooklyn. Deep down, you know it’s hopeless. At 6 pm Times Square station is filled with both New Yorkers and tourists. You could differentiate them easily, from their clothes to the kind of demeanor they have. The empty eyes were usually the giveaway whether someone was a New Yorker or not. You hoped you had the same curious eyes you had when you first moved to NYC for college, but you understand that, as much as you love the city and all it means to you and your journey, routine takes some of the magic away. Right now, you bet your face gives away your exhaustion too, if there’s someone watching you, you’re sure they know you live here.

People watching was your favorite pastime during your commuting time: imagining what each one of those people was like, their dreams and hopes, if they had any. Today, you could see a considerable amount of bouquets in the train, and it makes your imagination go wild imagining what expects these people once they get to their destination. You try not to get caught while you look at them for the next 30 minutes, then, you leave the train and walk home.

You were fumbling in your bag in a failed attempt to find your keys when the door of your apartment slammed opened.

“Where the hell were you?” Your roommate demanded.

“At the school, Cami.” You answered as you took your shoes off and went inside.

“ Why weren’t you answering your phone? I called so many times.”

“I was grading papers”

“On Valentine’s Day?”

“It’s not like I have a date”

“______ you seriously need to do a better job at answering your phone” she huffed. “I was freaking out here”

“Is everything okay? Are you okay? Is my family okay? It was in airplane mode and I just didn’t care to check it after I left the classroom.”

“Everybody is okay. Well, emotionally I’m definitely not okay. I’ve been freaking out here since I got home from work. Seriously, we need to communicate better so we can actually leave school together, we can grade here! Why do you have to stay there so late anyways? I needed to talk to you and You. Weren’t. Answering.” She paused. “Why am I freaking out? It’s not like it’s something I care about. Oh my God! Maybe I care about it because you care about it." Camila pointed at you. "What is happening to me?! Am I literally freaking out on Valentine’s day because of a tour of a guy that I’m not even interested in? I promise I won’t be alone for Valentine's day next year, I need a date to look forward to instead of getting crazy over a K-pop man. This is the worst day of my life!” Camila rambled while pacing in the living room

“Did you say tour?”

“Seriously? That’s all you heard?!”

“You were saying so many things”

“Alright, sit, and please, I am begging you to turn the airplane mode off”

You do as she says, and as soon as your phone connects to the wifi, hundreds of notifications pop on your screen, including notifications from the Weverse app. Your heart jumps. One of the members of BTS on tour? You opened the app.

SUGA | Agust D TOUR

“What?” Your voice was so low you could barely hear it.

“Why are you so calm? Isn’t he the whole reason why you are a BTS fan?” Camila pauses to massage her temples. "Why am I freaking out? Isn’t he the guy you dream about all the time? ”

Yes, he is. You thought. The one and only Min Yoongi. The reason why you became an ARMY in the first place.

Turns out, the mysterious guy from your dreams back in 2020 was real. You've dreamt of him so many times before finding out he was actually a living person and not a figment of your imagination.

After the first time dreaming about him, you were washed with a sense of comfort you couldn’t quite understand. The crying over your ex had gotten better with each dream, simply because the feeling of seeing him in your sleep made you feel happy the whole day and forget anything else.

You could see him… Writing, laughing with the most precious smile, reading, recording at the studio, and at last… playing the piano. A real piano. The first time you heard him, though, he looked younger, but you could still see the same focus and the same passion as he played each note so beautifully. That morning of quarantine, almost a month after the first dream, you woke up with the urge to cry from how mighty the scene was. The warmth of the presence of the boy in the piano was already a familiar feeling, but actually listening to his music? Ah, you wanted to stay in that scenario forever. You hummed the song throughout the day, you asked Camila if she knew that melody, just so you could listen to it again. You thought about that the whole time, until you remembered how technology existed and you could just hum the melodies to your cell phone.

It was a BTS song.

And so you listened to that sweet piano melody, and heard him rapping for the first time. And searched for the names of the guys in the band. And finally, you saw the face of that mysterious man on your phone screen. It was weird that you dreamed of an actual person that turned out to produce music before knowing the person actually existed, right? Why you were dreaming about a korean idol and why it made you feel so content was a mystery to you. You tried not to dwell on that, realizing this was the way the universe sent BTS to you, when you needed it the most. And slowly, moving on from your trauma was easier. Letting your ex-boyfriend go was getting simpler each day. You finished that letter (Was it a letter or a novel? With the amount of pages you wrote, you didn’t even know anymore) and just let it go. Yoongi helped you, the boys helped you, and they didn’t even know.

Sometimes when you watch stuff, you get washed with the sense of deja vu. But it is what it is. Yoongi keeps popping in your dreams from time to time, you started to write about him and you irresistibly became an ARMY. How could you not?

“Earth to ______'' Camila snapped her fingers in front of your face “ I thought you’d scream! For God’s sake, I did! Why aren’t you freaking out when I am? You are the fan!”

“Sorry, Cami, I just don’t know how to react. You know how much they all mean to me. But with him… I just can’t believe I’ll finally have the chance to see him” your eyes burned filled with tears.

“Oh, amiga… We will try all we can to get you the best tickets. You will see him play the piano in front of you. I know how much this means to you, how much you changed after you became a fan. I will make sure it happens. I promise.”

You looked at your friend, sitting by your side on the pink couch you insisted on buying for your living room.

“You can’t control that, Cami”

“I can’t, but I will sign up for the pre-sale with as many email accounts as I can. I will even buy the membership thing.”

“ You sound like a fan”

“Well, if he helps you so much, maybe I should be a fan, do you think one of them could visit me in my sleep too? I bet it would be fun” She jokes.

“I wish I could talk to him, even in my dreams”

“When you go to the concert, he will look at you and you guys will fall in love”

“Cami, this is not fanfiction”

“Are you really quoting me right now? Well, I will create my own fanfiction if I want to. Nothing’s impossible. It would be great, then next year you won’t be alone for Valentine’s day. Maybe we can go on a double date, cause next year I’ll definitely have someone.”

“I’m not alone, you are literally in front of me”

“You know the kind of alone I’m talking about. Now, let’s make our Galentine’s dinner. I saw this recipe of spinach gnocchi that seems very easy. I want to try it tonight. Then, we’ll have a date with Mr. Darcy.”

“Camila, have I told you that I love you?”

“Te quiero, amiga, but you better answer your phone next time”

🪷🪷🪷

After squealing during the entirety of “Pride and Prejudice”, you called it a night and went to your room. It was late, but you couldn’t stop yourself from checking all of the details of the announcement and texting your ARMY friends back.

It felt surreal. That your bias will go on a tour. That you’ll finally have the chance of seeing one of them. Excitement was an understatement. You could feel your heart beating against your ribcage. You needed to sleep now, but your whole body was already buzzing with anticipation of going to the concert, of seeing Yoongi in front of you in real life.

Instead, you open the Weverse live and watch it. You pay attention as he talks about Slam Dunk and shares about Fashion Week. You worry when he said he hasn’t eaten, you smile with him once you see his reaction to the tour announcement coming out. You are washed with a wave of love for the artist on the screen.

“It’s not good to be delusional, _______” you say out loud. But you are not sleepy enough right now, and it was indeed Valentine’s day, so your imagination starts making up alternate realities of what could’ve been. You get your dear journal and write a poem, a confession.

“Let’s see each other in person, Yoongi” That’s what you hope and pray for.

🪷🪷🪷

Yoongi POV

Yoongi woke up on that Wednesday with that fuzzy feeling on his chest again. He knew this was getting too weird for his own good, there was no way dreaming about a random person he had never seen in his life was a normal thing.

Three years ago, he thought seeing a woman crying while writing was just a way his brain found to deal with his own creative process and the frustrations coming with it. But the story was getting too complex, the scenes were getting too detailed. There’s no way he knew sonnet 18 by Shakespeare by heart to create that kind of scene. He didn’t even know it by heart in Korean!

He couldn’t complain. He was nervous about his solo tour and his album and seeing her in his dreams gave him a warm sensation of calmness. He hasn’t heard her voice many times, so listening to the teacher in his dreams reading that poem with such devotion made him happy. He closed his eyes, still in bed, trying to replay it in his mind. The big smile and kind eyes shining so bright while talking about the sonnet with so much passion… His heart shrinks a little, the good kind of pain, he wishes he could see her for real, if she’s real. She must be. She has to.

He knew that feeling wouldn’t leave him, even if he tried, the warmth, the pull and the want to see her one more time. This would follow him for the rest of the day and he was getting used to it after such a long time.

He didn’t know what to do. Yoongi knew people would say he’s crazy if he dared to talk about this out loud. So, he resorted to his old friends, the yellow notepad and the pencil. And just like the other times she followed him in his mind, he wrote her another song.

To be continued.

Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

[duckprintspress]

Meet Aether Beyond the Binary Contributor Terra P. Waters

Another day, another AETHER BEYOND THE BINARY creator to shine the spotlight on!

Before we get to that, just a note: hi, I’m Nina Waters, the lead editor, the person running this campaign, and the one who writes all these blog posts. I’ll be traveling for the next four days (Friday, Jan 12 – Monday, Jan 15) to vend for Duck Prints Press at Arisia in Boston. As a result, I will be slower to answer messages, reply to comments, and post updates (I’m going to try to post one, but I’m not sure I’ll have time). I appreciate your patience while I’m less available. And if by some chance, you’re attending the con, make sure you come and say hi! I’ll be at table D14 in the dealer’s room.

Now, on to Terra…!

About Terra: Terra is a scientist by day who lives in the Pacific Northwest with her family. She has been writing fiction as long as she can remember, and has always told her partner of 17 years that if she wasn’t a scientist, she would be an author. During grad school, she discovered fanfiction and immediately began writing her own. After many years and several fandoms (including Teen Wolf, Hawaii Five-0, and Stranger Things), she returned to writing original fiction. To date, she has self-published two novellas in a 90s-nostalgia polyamory comedy series and has drafted two YA/NA sci-fi novels. When not doing science or writing, you can find Terra indulging her yarn addiction and knitting.

Links: Archive of Our Own | Tumblr (pterawaters) | Tumblr (terrapwaters) | Instagram | Bluesky

Terra has previously published one short stories with Duck Prints Press, a Patreon-exclusive entitled The Wayward Timekeeper, and she also wanted to share a few of her works from AO3: 

Kope Kamekona (Hawaii Five-O, Steve McGarrett/Catherine Rollins/Danny Williams)

Forever’s gonna start tonight (Stranger Things, A/B/O, multiple ships and ot3s)

Other Delicacies (Our Flag Means Death, Ed Teach/Stede Bonnet) – this is the piece that Terra used to apply to Duck Prints Press, and several of us reviewers liked it so much that we sought it out and read the whole thing even though we aren’t in the fandom!

An Interview with Terra P. Waters

What motivates you to create?

My love for the ideas!

How did you pick the name you create under?

I’ve been using the name “pterawaters” since 2009, when I joined fanfiction.net. “Ptera” came from an old gaming character I had, “Ptera the Pterrible,” and “Waters” was a last name I really liked the sound of. For my original writing, I decided to go with a more conventional version of the name. I moved the P from the front of my name to the middle initial as an homage to my fannish writing name.

What do you consider to be your strengths as a creator?

My ability to brainstorm scenarios and know how to outline the plot from there. Longer-form works, where I get to dig into the character motivations and development. World building.

What do you consider to be your weaknesses as a creator?

Short stories, creating characters who serve the story I want to tell, adding enough description around the dialog and plot.

When and why did you begin creating?

I’ve been writing since I was a kid, and even took a lot of creative writing classes during college (aside from my science major). I get a lot of joy out of thinking “what if…” and then turning that idea into a story.

Are you a pantser, a planner, or a planster? What’s your process look like?

I’m most often a planner. I like to outline the story beats of any project before I write. Sometimes, I’ll be more of a plantser. I’ll write 1-2k words of an idea before I do the rest of the outline, so I can see if it’s an idea worth planning out further.

Which of your own creations is your favorite? Why?

I wrote a story called “Entanglement” that was part of a long Stranger Things fanwork series. It’s absolutely my favorite thing I’ve ever written, and I’m excited to get to the point where I can incorporate the rewritten version into my sci-fi series.

What are your favorite tropes?

Polyamory, First times/Getting together, Forced proximity (cuddling for warmth, only one bed), Soulmate AUs, Omegaverse, Fake relationship, Friends to Lovers

What are your favorite snacks and/or drinks to consume while creating?

I like herbal tea, candy, or a crunchy snack like popcorn. I’ve recently gotten into eating roasted lentils, which is a nice substitute for not being able to eat nuts anymore.

What is your “dream project” – the thing you’d see as the culmination of your work as a creator?

I want to finish a series of at least 4 novels and have them all in print.

When you look at your “career” as a creator, what  achievement would you most like to reach – what, if it happened or has  already happened, would/did make you go “now – now I’m a success!”?

I would like to have at least one full-length novel printed and for people to actually buy it!

Tell us about your pet(s).

I have two orange cats, Gadget (the chonk) and Gizmo (anxiety in animal form).

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

Finish the thing. My writing got so much better once I forced myself to finish fan works so I could put them up for other people to read. Practicing the first part of writing a story without practicing how to write the end leaves you never finishing anything.

Terra’s Contribution to Aether Beyond the Binary

Title: Ancient Hearts Unearthed

Tags: academia, alternate history, cancer, character illness (serious), f/nb, f/f (background), fat, first kiss, friends to lovers, getting together, hospital, modern with magic, mystery, non-binary, panic attacks, past tense, phobia (claustrophobia), pining, professor, scientist, third person limited pov

Excerpt:

Victoria turned and ran a hand over the runes again. “What bothers me is that these are early Age of Aether markings. You see the way they’re using archaic forms of our letters?”

Sasha leaned closer. “I’ll be damned. This doesn’t match the bronze-era artifacts in the rest of the cave, either.” They made a tiny humming noise. “Who else would have this much knowledge of ancient runes?”

As Victoria leaned as close as she could to the wall, she asked distractedly, “What do you mean?”

“Obviously, it’s a fake,” they said, mulling over the problem in their head. “Sanderson has wanted my place on the admissions committee since he joined the department.”

“What if it’s not a fake?” Victoria made a tiny, excited noise. “What if this is early Aether Age work? What if this is a secret that’s been buried for almost a thousand years?”

Sasha’s heart swooped at the thought. “We have to find out what that inscription says.”

You've read the interview! You've read the excerpt! Now go back the campaign!

[kyogre-blue]

Roundup of manhwa I've been catching up on and/or rereading recently. These are unfortunately mostly on Asura Scans, so linking or bookmarking them is useless. I really hate that about their site.

The scores are in regard to what I expect of the overall genre, not general quality per se. I'm not expecting deep, profound writing here. The range is A to F, with A being an easy recommend, B having some flaws but also having some really strong points that make it worth reading, C being extremely average, not terrible but not really doing anything well enough to recommend, and D being largely a waste of time. F is for outright offensive. But there won't really be many failing grades on this list because I just drop them and forget lol. Plus minus is based on my personal enjoyment.

Return of the Disaster-Class Hero, ch74 - Rank: B+. I really enjoyed it, but it's just that the different aspects are overall passable to good (art, humor, battles), plus it has some presence given to supporting characters (Hugo, Sungjae) and relationships, which I happen to enjoy. Additionally, the story actually advances, which can't be taken as a given lol... Unfortunately, the manhwa has been on hiatus since Aug 2023 due to the artist's health and later passing. It's unclear whether it will continue, or how it will look or progress if it does.

The Novel's Extra, ch93 - Rank: C. I was initially going to rank it higher, but while the art is nice and the characters are passable, the pacing is a mess. I genuinely couldn't tell you what the direction of the story is even supposed to be, despite how many chapters it's been. Have we even advanced at all here? I sure don't know.

The Protagonist's Younger Sister, ch33 - Rank: B, though this notably has the lowest chapter count here by a wide margin. Cute story and I like the protagonist family. It's just that it has always updated very slowly, and I'm not even sure it's still updating, so the pacing feels dragged out even if it's actually fine as a whole. But like I mentioned separately, the story has only just passed basic setup, so I don't even know for sure where it's going in the long term.

SSS-Class Suicide Hunter, ch113 - Rank: A. If I have to pick a manhwa I consider most overall impressive among those I've read, it would probably be this one. It has a very strong sense of its protagonist and what it wants to say, and it uses very distinctive arcs with strong supporting characters to do it. The murim arc was obviously a standout, but I think the romance genre arc that is wrapping up was impressive in what it dared to do. They really said "yeah, the protag falls in love and gets married, this is part of his growth as a person." I genuinely did not expect that they would go through with it and let him actually stay married. That's a thing they did. In general, this is just a very solid story, and I hope they are able to adapt it in its entirety, though that will probably take years to come.

I’m a Martial Art Villainess but I’m the Strongest!, ch92 - Rank: B. This one has a female lead (and thus a prominent romance) but it also does a lot of fight scenes and training and stuff like that. The fairly unusual (in my experience) combination of elements works well for me, though the actual contents are fairly average, nothing amazing or terrible, just okay enough. I think my biggest take away aside from the genre combination is the ML's big boobas. I seriously want the MC and ML to bang, they deserve it.

Ending Maker, ch56 - Rank: B. Actually, this one hasn't had any progress since I caught up on the TLs a while back, but I wanted to note it. I like how much focus is given to the relationship between the MC and his love interest, and I don't really have any major complaints. However, I hope they're able to flesh out the plot going forward. It's been very "go to a place, get a thing" without really giving any major weight to anything that's happened, and the supporting characters haven't really left an impression either.

The Duke's Redemption, ch50 - Rank: B-. This one also hasn't updated since I caught up on it a while back, but adding here. Pros: strong focus on the relationship between the MC and the duke, setup for potentially interesting conflict with Serpens not being chosen as the hero per the OG plot. Cons: art is kinda mid, the actual story so far has been largely filler or not very interesting in and of itself. They've built up the foundation of Shion and Serpens as a relationship, but the stuff around that could have been done a lot better.

Doctor's Rebirth, ch150 - Rank: C+, though that's being generous tbh. It is the definition of extremely mid. However, it does make me lol at least somewhat regularly about how gay the entire supporting cast is toward the MC. Truly peak shounen experience. Whether it's his master, his master's assistant (love triangle), the original novel's demonic hero protag, secondary novel villains A through D... they all want him so bad. It's very funny to me personally.

The Extra is Too Strong, ch50 - Rank: D+. I'm adding the plus purely because I spend a lot of time lolling about how buff absolutely everyone is. This includes the one notable female side character and background female characters. That aside, I'm curious what they're going to do with the original novel's protag. He's mentioned several times and with quite a bit of detail about what his deal was, plus he has a non-standard design, so I feel like we will eventually meet him and something is planned for that.

Return of the 8th Class Magician, ch81 (complete) - Rank: C. I know there's other series with a very similar title, so to be clear, this is the one where the MC has long light brown hair (lol) and regresses uses dragon tongue. A complete story that has no particular flaws, but tbh I don't think it has any particular strengths either. The thing I remember most about it is that, around chapter 60 or so, there is a note from the artist that directly says they're about to start deviating from the novel they're adapting. Immediately the main villain is introduced, dragon lore gets updated, and the MC's father is brought up, so you can just tell, yeah, his father is going to be a dragon. And he is. I didn't have any issues with the manhwa-original (presumed) ending, it was done more smoothly than I would have expected, but the whole story just didn't serve anything to make me really excited. Fine read tho, if you've got some time to kill, and the MC is quite pretty.

Trash of the Count’s Family, ch121 - Rank: C. The art is nice, and I liked the initial sections, but the pacing is a mess and nothing meaningful seems to happen. The biggest issue is probably that the MC is just not a type I care for, and the supporting characters don't feel like they're fleshed out enough to stand on their own. The entire story, with over a hundred chapters, has been just endlessly picking up power-ups in preparation for the supposed war, but 120 chapters in and we're still not to the actual war, so... I do think that I'm finally seeing the appeal of the crown prince, so there's that.

The Newbie is Too Strong, ch90 - Rank: C-. This is also a pretty basic series, but the popoi are cute, the MC doesn't annoy me, and I am legitimately interested in the plot mysteries. Also, it does seem to be promising to introduce some recurring side characters in the future, so there is some room to grow.

Overpowered Sword, ch88 - Rank: C. It's a shounen, functionally. I enjoy it in a brain off way, and I will say that I first shipped Leon with Eclid, but now I keep thinking that Karen is good, I ship Karen. However, it has a weakness in that the arcs aren't particularly interesting in themselves. Not enough emphasis on fucked up backstories for the villains and new allies, I guess. Shounen runs on fucked up backstories.

Of All Things, I Became a Crow, ch107 (complete) - Rank: C+. This is a female lead transmigration romance. It's cute! I like it well enough and it's complete. Not really a lot else to say.