#i love resonable men who think before speaking

[mournwatch]

Hi again. Long post incoming and I apologize. It's just because I have a lot of thoughts about this, as a trans guy coming at this issue from another perspective. I'm not trying to fight but sort of... sing in reprisal if that makes sense lol. I think that this data could really use the context of how many AO3 authors writing sexual content about transmasc/trans man people are part of our community themselves. Knowing who is invested in writing this content is a crucial part of understanding what these statistics mean. (It's my hypothesis that the majority are trans, but this is not something I have checked.) And if it is majority trans people, I believe what we are seeing is not the sexualization of trans men by chasers or fetishists, but people exploring their own sexuality through a safe outlet in a community where they feel comfortable to do so.

I understand that the actual concern is that regardless of who is writing this content, there is a worry about harm being done by fic perpetuating trans men being burdened with feminizing/ fetishizing stereotypes. We did talk about this before and I remember. I think the perception of this harm is complicated considering that fandom spaces are by nature subcultural, and in mainstream (progressive/liberal) culture lives the inverse stereotype of trans men being held to standards of traditional masculinity. Between these two stereotypes, we are all just trying to find comfort and authenticity and somewhere to see ourselves reflected back.

I struggle to find any representation of gay trans men at all in most mainstream media content, and that is also sparse and tends to focus on adolescents anyway. Like Annie Marks' trans son Ben in the TV series Good Girls. I think the only nonhet romance with a transmasc character that I can think of in a widely viewed TV series was Jim and Oluwande in Our Flag Means Death. It's a vastly underrepresented category when you consider fiction as a whole (which does matter when talking about fandom since these source materials are the primary motivator for fan fiction to exist to begin with.) And that makes me also feel like there's plenty of space for people to fill that void with their own creations and experiences. Especially original content! Something I absolutely love to see.

With this in mind, this is just speculation based on my own experiences, but I don't think this stereotype would be so prevalent if it didn't resonate with people on a deeper level. There is an allure to being irrefutably trans in every way, but still a valued and active player in the fields of romance and sex. And to simultaneously break down the way people need men in society to be but still be seen and respected as a man/transmasc regardless of how many of these signifiers get eroded away. Because in fiction, you can do that, and having that escape is powerful. But yeah, it's worth asking these authors directly about their own thoughts on it. I personally completely understand the demand for this, because the kind of characters that I would make to represent myself and my sexuality almost never make it to TV, film, or games.

It truly is a stressful position to be in to hear about how the very thing that helped me be more comfortable with myself, my body, and my sexuality is the site of pain for other people in the community that I love. And I think a lot of others dont mean to be a source of anguish either. I'm speaking up partially even because I want to soothe some anxieties that might exist about the intentions of the people who write this sort of content who are similar to myself, and put a friendly face to it in a way. I don't know if any of this helped because I know big walls of text are intimidating, but I hope something here was meaningful. Thank you for looking into this data in the first place.

AO3 statistics for trans men

I looked at three main categories of ao3 stats: number of explicit fics, ratio of M/M to M/F fics, and different types of sex listed under "additional tags" (vaginal, oral, etc). There are definitely more things that could be looked at but these are what I focused on.

Explicit rating

At the time I collected these numbers (they've likely already changed, fic authors publish stuff fast) there were 14,221,609 total fics on ao3. Of those, 2,569,913 fics were rated "explicit," or 18.1% of fics. There were 91,487 fics tagged "trans male character," and of those, 43,845 were rated "explicit." That's 47.9% of fics tagged "trans male character."

Nearly half of all fics featuring trans men are explicit, compared to about a fifth of fics overall. This indicates that trans men are heavily sexualized in fandom spaces.

M/M vs M/F fics

For fics in general, there were about 2.0 times as many M/M fics as M/F fics (6,822,062 and 3,439,600, respectively). For fics tagged "trans male character," there were about 6.0 times as many M/M fics as M/F (68,507 and 11,359, respectively).

When filtering for fics rated "explicit," the difference in ratios is even more significant. Explicit fics in general had about 2.2 times as many M/M fics as M/F (1,616,555 and 743,455), while explicit fics tagged "trans male character" had 8.6 times as many M/M fics as M/F (38,490 and 4,489).

Fandoms in general tend to lean more towards M/M relationships than M/F relationships, but this discrepency is much stronger when it comes to trans men, and I'm not sure what the reason for that is. Trans men are more likely to be non-heterosexual than heterosexual, but not necessarily more likely to be attracted to men than women (a lot of trans men are bisexual, pansexual, queer, etc).

Trans male characters are more commonly shipped with men than women, to a greater extent than the overall fandom preference for M/M ships over M/F, and I'm not really sure why, but it's definitely interesting.

Additional tags

For explicit fics tagged as "trans male character," the most popular additional tag by far is "vaginal sex" at 13,685 fics (31.2% of explicit fics tagged "trans male character"). Since this tag doesn't necessarily refer to the trans male character (it could refer to a cis woman being vaginally penetrated by a trans male partner, for example), I filtered for fics tagged as M/M. That resulted in 12,504 fics tagged "vaginal sex," or 32.5% of explicit M/M fics tagged "trans male character."

Overall, for explicit fics tagged as "trans male character," the most common additional tags referring to different types of sex were:

Vaginal sex, at 13,685 fics

Vaginal fingering, at 9,908 fics

Oral sex, at 9,147 fics

Cunnilingus, at 7,712 fics

Anal sex, at 4,590 fics

There definitely are trans men out there who enjoy vaginal penetration/fingering or receiving cunnilingus, and many of the fics tagged as such might be reflective of that fairly common* experience for trans men. That being said, there is a really heavy emphasis on vaginas and vulvas in explicit fics about trans men, and I find that uncomfortable.**

*I think? Unsure how common it actually is

**BEFORE PEOPLE START MISINTERPRETING ME: I'm not saying I'm uncomfortable with trans men who enjoy using their vaginas/vulvas for sex, or the existence of that kind of fic. I'm saying that fandoms in general tend to focus on trans men having vaginas to an extent that I'm uncomfortable with.

[whileurmine]

@th-angelical liked this for starters with dramatic brazilian lyrics

"You don't answer my messages, you treat me like fucking trash, you wouldn't fucking know if I was fucking dead for like a week." He counted it out on his fingers, too drunk to know better than not to say his thoughts out loud. "You know what? If you don't want me, I don't even want to fuck you anymore. I give the fuck up." Hands thrown in the air in surrender. Santiago grabbed the bottle this time instead of his glass. "You fucking suck, no one is your fucking friend. Loneliness is gonna be your reward for all this shit actually."

[nothorses]

You've made a lot of really great posts about transmasc experiences and struggles, and they really resonate with me! So I guess I want to in complete earnest ask: why the push for 'transandrophobia' when anti-transmasculinity as a term has been around for longer and faces little friction by comparison? I don't really *dislike* transandrophobia, but its meaning gets muddied everywhere from different directions, while ATM is pretty direct and succinct I feel. It's very clear that it's about TRANSmasculine oppression. I'm not against having a dedicated term at all, but the content of our struggles gets lost in the weeds of attaching kind of understandably divisive terms like misandry and androphobia in an attempt to mirror a phenomenon very specifically about misogyny; it seems more trouble than it's worth considering ATM is right there

I'll be honest, this ask is confusing to me for a few reasons.

When I started talking about transandrophobia around the summer of 2020, the conversations I was encountering were very much, like, a handful of people across Twitter and Tumblr (literally, a handfull!). I picked up "transandrophobia" because it was one of two words I saw in use, and the other- "transmisandry"- felt much less clear and much more contentious. It seemed super obvious to me that people would draw a line from "men's rights activists" trying to push this idea that "misandry", as a systemic oppression of men by women, to "transmisandry", and assume some ill intent where there was none. It's confusing!

"Transandrophobia" was the better of two options being floated at the time, at least in any conversation I saw. "Anti-transmasculinity" was not really a term I'd been made aware of, if anyone at all was talking about it at the time.

I have seen people pick up "anti-transmasculinity" more recently (maybe in the last year?), and this is definitely the first I've seen someone shorten it to "ATM". The people I've seen use that term have been mostly people who seem really new to the conversation, and the vibe I've gotten has been very, like, "we're the Good Transmascs, our word isn't dirty and gross like those other Bad Transmascs everyone hates. you'll listen to us now that our word is Good and Pure, right?"

Which is like... kind of frustrating, and kind of sad, honestly. I think these people honestly believe that if they just choose the right word, all the people who've been dragging me and every other transmasc talking about these issues through the mud for the last 4 years or so will really just stop & listen. If they can just say it right, these people- who have been relentlessly harassing and spreading lies about every single transmasc who came before them for years now- will care what they have to say, and will be willing to engage with them in earnest, compassionate dialogue.

If you just find the right word, all of these people will care about your hurt, your pain, and the suffering of your community.

It kind of breaks my heart. It's an incredibly hopeful, kind, loving way to view the world. It's compassion and patience and forgiveness that these folks are not being given, but that they so badly want to offer to others.

And at the same time, it sucks to be the Bad Transmasc. It sucks to have fought so hard for so long, and for the people I've been fighting for all this time to turn around and say, "you're gross, and dirty, and evil, and everything you've done is a mistake." It sucks to see the people I've been fighting for agree with the people I've been fighting against, and shove me under the bus in an effort to appeal to the people running me over with it. Knowing that the bus is going to aim for them once it's done with me just makes it sadder, yknow?

@saint-speaks wasn't the first person to ever speak the word "transandrophobia", but he is the one who coined and popularized it in its current form. And then he was dragged through the mud so hard and so brutally that some people think I coined it, just because when I defended him (too little and too late, imo) I withstood the mud-dragging better than he did (and gee, I wonder white.)

And now people take for granted that everything everyone said about hymn to justify that frankly fucking evil harassment campaign was true, actually, and we should abandon the word he coined and find one with purer origins.

If you honestly think "anti-transmasculinity" is just a more practical word, that's fine. I don't care what word we use. But they're going to cover it in mud, too. They're going to cover every one of you in mud.

Will you keep fighting for "ATM" once they make it the new dirty, gross, bad, evil word? Will you keep fighting when they drag you and everyone else through the mud for using it? Or will you agree with them, make up a new word, and never look back?

Please don't let us drown in the mud. We've been fighting for you, and we want to fight with you. Please.

[sunni-stuff]

I came, I saw, I liked.

—★! NSFW, MDNI, AFAB! Reader is in too deep.

part 3 here!!

Just one stream was enough to captivate you, leaving your panties soaked and craving for more. The man on the screen was unlike anyone you had ever seen before, and the promise of seeing more was constantly flashing and tempting you.

Without a second thought, you stumble out of bed and rush to your purse, desperate to grab your credit card before the man's performance ends. Your hands frantically search through the velvet lining of your purse until you finally grasp onto the plastic key that will unlock GD's show for you.

You rush back to your laptop, snatching it up and quickly typing in your credit card information with a sense of desperation that surprises you. It's crazy how one man can make you act like such a hornball. But he's not like other men; there's something about him that draws you in, and it's not just his impressive size. It was the way he spoke so few words that left you dripping wet like a leaky faucet. By the time your payment goes through and the paywall disappears, the live stream is over and he's already gone. You can't believe you missed it.

Although you were disappointed, his profile was now open for your viewing pleasure. There were only a few videos available, and the dates between them were inconsistent. Some had been posted months apart, while others had nearly a year in between. He didn't upload content frequently, which left his fans eager for more and made his live streams a special treat for those who managed to catch them before he disappeared again.

You crave to hear his voice a little more, so you click on one of his latest videos. Once again, GD's face is not shown, only the lower half of his body and a long-sleeved shirt. He leans forward with a closed hand, examining a pair of delicate red panties. You can tell by the way he holds them up that he is inspecting them closely. A dark chuckle escapes him as he shakes his head in disbelief. "When I said I didn't mind receiving gifts, this was not what I had in mind, love." His words are directed towards whoever sent him their lingerie. He speaks politely, his gravelly accent resonating in the dimly lit room where he sits.

"You didn't have to, but I do appreciate it," he says with a teasing tone as he lays the fabric across his lap. His fingers playfully trail along the material, revealing a hint of desire in his actions. "Were you thinking about me when you wore these? That's not very good, getting such a beautiful pair all wet." He chuckles at the idea, and soon there is a visible bulge in his pants. GD showed no hesitation, he pulls out his thick shaft from his sweatpants, the glistening drop of precum on the tip a clear indication of how turned on he is.

In a matter of seconds, he wrapped the garments around his member, the beads of precum coating them in his sticky fluids. The lace was now stained with a darker shade of red from his essence. GD's moans and groans escaped freely from his lips, not caring who heard and knowing it only added to the enjoyment for his audience. "You naughty little thing, sending me these. Is it a turn on for you to see my cum all over them?" His words were pure filth, nothing compared to what you experienced on his livestream.

Ring, Ring, Ring.

Your phone alarm startles you, and you see that it's already 10:30 PM. You know you should be asleep by now; tomorrow morning will be a nightmare if you don't get enough rest. You quickly turn off your alarm and shut down your laptop, getting ready for bed even though you feel the dampness between your legs.

Days had passed since everything happened, but the memory of GD still left you reeling. It was difficult to concentrate at work, as your mind would often drift to those videos. They seemed to constantly invade your thoughts, playing over and over again. You could almost hear his voice, whispering vulgar words that would make even a nun blush.

By the sixth day, you couldn't contain it any longer. After a long day of work, you quickly took off your pants, desperate for some sort of release from the mental torment that man had caused. Lying in bed with your laptop by your side, you clicked on a random video - anything would do, as long as he was in it.

The video was dimly lit and he wasn't in his usual spot. Instead, the camera angle was from above. On the bed lay a sex doll, only showing its waist down with visible hips, vagina, and ass. Its skin tone was similar to yours, but much more artificial and obviously made of plastic.

GD appears, and for once he was shirtless. His muscular arms are covered in intricate tattoos, and he even has a slight belly despite being in good shape. The broad expanse of his chest is proof of his fitness. The blur on his face only added to the mystery of the man who had captured your attention. You couldn't help but wonder what he looked like underneath.

He hovers over the toy, one hand engulfing his already hard cock. His fingers trace the curves and ridges of the doll's form, like a sculptor admiring his creation. "Such a pretty little pussy," he taunts devilishly, as if speaking to an invisible audience. But you know his words are meant for you, the doll a mere stand-in for your physical form in this fantasy.

What is he doing to you? You can't believe how quickly your body has responded; your hand slips under the waistband of your panties, eager to explore. Your fingers tease and caress your slick folds, already wet from anticipation. It's embarrassing how easily you get aroused, but you can't resist the urge to pleasure yourself while watching him on the screen.

He grits his teeth as the tip of his cock brushes against the entrance of the toy, letting out a sharp breath before plunging in with one forceful thrust. His hips collide with the toy's, causing his legs to tremble momentarily before he regains his balance. With both hands gripping the sides of the toy tightly, his fingers leave indentations on its surface as he moves forward relentlessly.

He's no longer gentle or teasing, but instead unleashes his hunger with unrestrained force. The man you saw on the live stream days ago is a far cry from the one in front of you now. His heavy breathing devours your thoughts, leaving you helpless. Your hand movements become more frantic, mirroring his fervent intensity. A shudder courses through you as he speaks through ragged breaths, "Fuck…you're squeezin' me so tight, dirty slag."

GD thrust ruthlessly into the toy, causing a slight bulge to swell in its plastic material. His impressive size stretched the toy to its limits, leaving a gaping hole each time he pulled back before slamming back in with a wet squelch. It was the kind of rough pleasure that could leave one sore and unable to walk the next day. GD slows down, letting out a frustrated grunt as he crawls onto the bed, his knees sinking into the soft mattress. He needs more pressure and better leverage to reach his peak. His large hands squeeze the toy firmly, as if trying to squeeze every last bit of pleasure from it.

His body stirs once more, this time with a slower and deeper thrust that hits at the core. If it were you the tip of his manhood would press against your cervix, it makes you wonder what it would feel like to have him inside you. You can see his expertise as he handles the toy, using his body like a skilled tool. A pleasurable tingle travels up your spine and you instinctively lift your hips to meet your fingers, which are now swirling delicious circles on your eager pearl.

GD's movements are precise and well-practiced, a result of countless experiences. He knows exactly what he's doing and how to bring himself to climax. If the toy in his hand were a real person, If it was you he would have you writhing under him within just three thrusts.

But you are not like him; your endurance is weak compared to his, like a small pool trying to withstand crashing waves. As your legs shake with the strain and a shattered gasp escapes your lips, you continue to stimulate yourself with determined fingers. Finally, your orgasm hits like a flood breaking through a dam, causing your walls to clench and release around nothing. Sweat beads on your skin as you take deep breaths, trying to calm down from the intense pleasure.

You take a moment to close your eyes and savor the intense pleasure coursing through your body. It was the most satisfying orgasm you’ve ever experienced, all thanks to a man whose face you’ve never seen, but whose dick is the only thing on your mind. A deep growl from the screen catches your attention and you open your eyes to watch. GD is still going strong, his stamina seemingly endless. His movements become erratic and uncoordinated as he nears his own climax. He no longer holds onto the toy, instead using his hands to support himself on the bed while he reaches orgasm. His moans are loud and intense, sending shivers down your spine as you feel them reverberate inside of you.

With a sudden burst of energy, he reaches his peak and releases thick ropes of cum inside the doll. The warm liquid fills it to the brim, and he can feel it pulsating against his skin. He pulls out, but the sensation lingers, and he continues to paint the outer skin with his spunk. The doll's previously pristine exterior is now marked by his seed and a pool of semen slowly seeping from the abused holes. His breaths come in ragged gasps as he finishes, though not quite completely spent from his intense encounter with the doll.

You couldn't look away, even as he continued with renewed energy after his earlier release. The arousing feeling in your gut resurfaced, but you were already drained, giving everything you had. You sit up and reach for the screen to close it for the night when a message from the community page catches your eye, posted by GD.

“Top Donator next stream gets a private show.”

♡! Thank you so much for all the love on my very first post! It really means alot and I couldn't be more grateful!

♡! Sorry if it seemed like Ghost wasn't talking much, I kind of see him as a more actions than words person for stuff like this! ૮₍ >﹏< ₎ა

˚ ✦ . Taglist (People who commented): @forgotten-lego-piece @lamebuddy @emmalandry

[shysuccubusstuff]

day 20: Corruption kink + Corruption kink+ Virgin! Couple + Praise kink + (slight) Face fucking + Squirting + Exhibitionism + Praising – Foreseer! Zayne

Content: Religious topics (This is heavily influenced by what I know about the Catholic church (like how the ceremonies work and stuff) but they are not related, as this is only focused on Astra as God. Just to let you all know.) + Corruption kink + Virgin! Zayne + Face fucking + Foul language + Praising + Exhibitionism – Foreseer! Zayne. Non proof-reader.

Summary: Just Foreseer! Zayne but instead of being isolated and being a demigod, he is the head of the Church who worships Astra.

Word count: 2390 words.

Note: Can you imagine I finished all my essays less than a week ago and I already have a lot of stuff to do? So sad… Btw, I just love pretty men crying with their puffy lips and slightly reddened eyes, specially when the reason is that they love too much a certain person.

You had been going to the same church for several months, always one of the first who arrived, with your sweet smile as you helped the elders to climb the stairs to get to the church. You sometimes even actively participated in the mass, reading the fragments of what was said about Astra with your soft voice resonating all around the believers.

It all went downhill when you finally met the head of the Church.

A young man with black hair and green eyes, quite tall, slim, with slender hands a cold exterior. He always seemed busy, either by preparing the ceremony or by helping different activities promoted by the church. He was always kind with the rest of believers, but you always felt as if something was always between him and the rest of the believers. That’s why you tried to approach him; Didn’t he feel lonely? Always rushing around the corridors with his robe fluttering behind him, his hands completely filled with many heavy books as he looked exhausted.

So, one night, you decided to go to the church alone in order to confess. You knew that he would be inside the confessional as the old ladies had been gossiping about “a deep and rich voiced priest”. You held your breath before entering inside, pressing the small medal that you always held close to you. The church was completely silent as you entered, your steps resonating all around the empty hall. You sat down inside the small cubicle, your voice trembled as you tried to speak:

“I… I want to become someone close to you, Foreseer.” Your voice left you as a small whisper, barely audible even for the man that was next door. The silence was all that answered… You waited a few minutes, your heart pounding like crazy inside your chest making you feel way too conscious. “…Foreseer?” The man audible gasped, coughing for a moment before finally answering.

“What do you mean by that, dear one?” He tried to keep his cold exterior as his heart began to race.

“I mean I want to become friends, being friends is more than enough. I… I feel that you are always alone, and if I could grant you even a single moment of comfort, that would be enough for me.” Zayne’s face flushed, his mouth attempting to form the most charming smile you would ever be able to see.

“I do not think that this is the place nor the time to say something like that, I hope you are aware of my position, as well as my responsibilities to the Church.” Zayne got up, just about to leave the confessionary, but your warm hand stopped him on his tracks.

“Please! I know I may be acting as a child, but I truly desire the happiness of all of the members, that includes you, Foreseer. I just can’t turn my head and pretend that everyone is doing fine when I always see you exhausted around the church! You may think that you’re being sneaky, but I have seen your eyebags as you give the sermon. Please, just---” Zayne got free of your grip, leaving the cubicle in a rush, and just as you were about to leave, his hand pulled you out. What you encountered was not what you expected. It was Zayne, but he looked so different. His face was slightly flushed, with warm tears running down his cheeks. You looked at him completely baffled, did you hurt him that much? Your hands run to his face, not caring about the great difference between your status, you wiped his tears with your sleeves, but this just caused him to cry even more.

“Do you even know what you are doing? Since you started to come here, everything in my life is going wrong. Astra has been acting completely spoiled, always giving me even greater tasks while reducing the time I have to do it, my brothers have suddenly been sent to different churches, my… my head is unable to focus, even my chest has been strange, and all of this started since you came here with your pretty face, and that cute smile and with your kindness and---” Zayne stopped himself before feeling even more embarrassed, his hands trembling as he got his hand closer to yours. “Were you sent by Astra to tempt me?...” His eyes were crystallised, his nose slightly red as he tried to stop himself from crying.

“Zayne! What’s wrong? Did I hurt you that much with my selfish request?” You took his hand, embracing him as his whole body trembled.

“I’ve been trying… I even avoided you after the mass, I just couldn't, I kept thinking about you all the time, even while I kept myself secluded inside that cold room, a single thought about you was enough to set my heart ablaze. I can’t keep on denying it, please, I need you, I will do whatever for you to accept this impure me. Just---” Zayne’s knees fell to the ground, warm tears falling down his cheeks while his hands kept grabbing yours.

“Zayne, please look at me.” You took his face with both of your hands, moving his head so he could look at you. “I love you, you are not impure, you are simply a human being, it is impossible for us to live without feeling anything at all. You don’t have to punish yourself by secluding yourself, I’m sure Astra would never want that.” You kissed his forehead, as he buried his face against your stomach.

“I love you… I love you so much… I love your smile when you help others, I love the fact that you come here every single week to pray and help me with all the children… I love you.” Zayne got up, taking your face between his cold hands and kissing you, a single and cast kiss, just enough for him to deliver his true feelings for you. Suddenly, his kisses started to get faster, leaving little to no time for you to breath.

“Zayne… We shouldn’t---”

“I’ve been restraining myself for far too long… Please.” You leaned your hands on Zayne’s chest, allowing him to keep on kissing your lips. His breath soon quickened, his face blushing till the tip of his ears. Zayne was about to speak when you suddenly heard the heavy door of the church being opened, rushing, you pushed Zayne back into the small confessionary, covering his mouth as you tried to keep as still as possible.

“Dear father? I came for guidance regards a certain topic…” The voice of a man echoed around the four walls, his steps moving closer towards the confessionary. Zayne took your hand off his mouth, whispering for you to let him do his duty.

“Enter the confessionary, dear one.” His voice went back to his usual tone, almost fooling you if it wasn’t because of the hard feeling that kept rubbing against  your  stomach.

“I fear I may have committed a grave sin… These past weeks I have become quite infatuated with a certain sister… She is always so kind with all of us that I can’t help but be charmed by her…” The man that entered kept rambling about that great woman inside the community, suddenly, a bold idea struck you. With great care, you moved the heavy clothing concealing Zayne’s body, not stopping even if Zayne darted you a hard glance and his hands took yours.

“What are you doing…? Be careful with those sinful hands---” His sentence was cut short, as your hands crawled over his stomach, gradually making your way into his undergarments. Zayne coughed, his body tensing as he tried to keep his mouth completely shut.

“Are you ok, father? Do you need---?”

“No need, you can proceed, I am listening.” Zayne’s hands pushed you down, trying to keep you still. Of course, that would not work for him, as you lost no time, taking his length out of his underwear and starting to kiss the tip of his length. His breath quickened, as his hands clasped your head, trying his best not to push your head to take his full length.

The man’s blabbering kept on going as you slowly took most of Zayne’s member, using one of your hands to masturbate what was left out. You used your tongue to play with his tip, while changing the force of your sucking.

“So, I believe I have explained to you the whole situation, what do you think I should do, father?” Zayne opened his eyes, his jaw clenching as he cursed under his breath as his grip on your hair strengthened.

“I… I would advise you to avoid her, after all, she does not seem as interested in you. Nevertheless, do not lose confidence, as you will find your chosen one without failure.” The man thanked him, leaving the cubicle and closing the door of the church for the night.

“Did you have fun?” Zayne looked down at you, his brows slightly furrowed. “Well, you are probably far too busy to answer.” Zayne grabbed your head, suddenly pushing it against his stomach, forcing his whole length inside your mouth. You gagged as a few tears formed in your eyes, your mouth suddenly being filled to the brim, forcing you to try your best not to choke on his heavy load. “Oh… you did so good, dear. It is now my turn to satisfy you, am I wrong?” Zayne clothed himself, then lifting you in a bridal style and letting you sit on the central table in the church.

“Zayne! Wait, this is a sacred---” Zayne cut you down, smiling as he spoke with a playful tone.

“Oh, sure a confessionary is not, right?”  Your face flushed, allowing him to spread your legs open as he kneeled down, his face getting closer and his lips leaving soft kisses against your panties. His hands kept rubbing the inner part of your thigs while his mouth started to make a slow trace towards your clit, giving it a few licks before moving away, his hands finally getting rid of your pantyhose together with your underwear, tossing them to one of the chairs close to it.

“Let me pleasure you, my love.” Zayne kneeled again, moving your whole body closer to the edge, his warm breath hitting against your entrance. His tongue started to lick all over your lower half, the pace being painfully slow, not rushing even as your fingers pulled slightly from his hair, giving you a warning look before going back to his own duty. Your legs twitched a bit as Zayne’s tongue kept torturing your poor clit, but this had only started, as his mouth suddenly started to suck on your clit, making your eyes roll back and your legs clasp against his head.

“Wait! I… I feel really weird right now Zayne, maybe we should stop before---” Zayne sucked harder on your clit, making you bite your hand as a poor attempt of keeping your mouth shut.

“Just let me pay your act of kindness, then I will let you go, understood?” His voiced sounded demanding, so you complied, allowing him to make a mess out of you. His tongue went back to that special place, warming you up again by making simple motions with his tongue, then starting to suck on your clit again.

As you slowly got used to the immense pleasure, one of his hands made his way to your entrance, one of his digits slowly entering yourself. At the same time, his other hand started to create a bit of pressure on your lower stomach as his fingertip kept rubbing against your G-spot.

“Zayne, Zayne, I can’t do it anymore, I feel really weird...!” Instead of slowing down, Zayne’s movements only hastened causing that knot in your lower half to finally break. Before you were able to think, some warm and clear liquid were expelled as you reached your first orgasm. You felt completely ashamed, trying your best to get Zayne’s hands away so you could try and make a run for it. This did not work, as he quickly comforted you.

“Dear, that is not what you think it is, calm down.” He kissed your forehead, while his clean hand caressed your hair. “It’s ok, my love. I should have warned you about this type of thing, I focused too much on pleasuring you, I do apologise. Have I angered you?” He looked at you like a kicked puppy, his head resting on your lap as if trying to make himself look smaller.

“How… how did you even know about this? Aren’t you supposed to be pure?”

“Despite what one might think, our religion does not forbid this type of… physical encounter, as long as we do plan on sharing a romantic bond.” He started to kiss your stomach, peppering it with kisses and suddenly lifting you up. “I shall prepare a bath for the both of us, there is no need to rush our current relationship.” He kissed your forehead once again before taking you his private place, letting you catch a glimpse of the extremely cared garden filled with jasmine flowers. He walked until he reached a wooden door, opening it and letting you sit on his bed. “Give me a second.” You could hear the water running as he filled the bathtub, your mind slowly drifting to sleep as you felt completely relaxed on his company.

[rhiaghostriley]

MDNI - Ghost × reader - toxic relationship

The loud thud resonating in the mess hall draws all the attention on it, including yours. As you turn your head toward the noise to see what caused it, you freeze on the spot : Lieutenant Simon Riley, looking at you with furious eyes, his hand deeply buried in the plywood next to his head. Looking at you, and the guy you are openly flirting with.

Dammit.

Before you can even think about moving, he’s gone. But you know you will hear about him soon enough.

Fuck it, after all. You were doing nothing wrong. You were not together anymore. And it was his call, this time. This hundredth time… You don’t even remember how it started, to be honest. In the beginning, he was the stern, cold, forever masked Lieutenant of Task Force 141, and you were nothing more than one of the new recruits. But you made a joke during a meeting, and it made him smile, a rare occurrence for him. He got intrigued, wanted to know more about you. And from a few drinks at the nearest bar with the team, to asking him his opinion about the outfit you should wear, you’ve grown closer. And you’ve grown to know the man under the mask. With all his good and his bad sides. A lot of bad sides. But red flags are just flags when you look at it through pink glasses, right ? And you would have managed to stay away from him if the man wasn’t able to make you cum just by looking at you. But God, in his infinite cruelty, gave him the power over your body and your feelings. So here you are, wondering whether you should go after him or not, even when you know it will end badly. And remembering the first kiss…

“Ya gonna be late for meeting.” A husky voice behind you, one which can belong to only one person, especially with that thick British accent.

You smiled, blowing out some smoke from your cigarette. “Gonna report me, Lt ?”

“Don’t give a fucking shit.” He sat beside you on the bench. “Ya too young to smoke that much.”

You giggled, looking at the cigarette between your fingers, then held it out to him. “Just have to ask, if you want one.”

He chuckled, taking the cigarette from your hand. “Ya know me, I don’t ask. I take.”

“The only right way to live.” You chuckled back.

You stayed a few minutes silent, until his gravely voice speaks again. “Gonna tell me what’s wrong, or I’ll have to get it out of ya ?”

You sighed. No need to pretend, he knew. He always knew. You gave a sad smile, and trying to sound playful you said “Been dumped. Again.”

He chuckled. “Ya gonna have to stop dating boys, and try men, little one. Ya’re too much to handle for these kids. Ya need someone who can handle himself. And you.”

Your breath caught in your throat and you chuckled. “Like you ?”

These two words. The words you should never have said. The words that made your life heaven on earth and a living hell at the same time. Because next thing you knew, you were sitting on his lap, kissing him ravenously, his lips demanding, his hands wandering, making your skin tingle and your insides clench. He was proving you that indeed, he was the kind of man taking without asking, and you let him.

From then, it all went spiraling. Addicted to his touch, repulsed by his toxic demeanor, when he was pulling, you were pushing. And when he was the one pushing, you were crawling back to him like a lost puppy. He hated that he needed you, loved that you needed him. You hated that he made you lose all common sense, and loved every second spent naked against him. The damn man did know how to get under your skin as much as under your sheets.

Without realizing, you are walking around base, trying to spot him everywhere you look. Not that you feel bad for what you did, but you’d rather find him than run into him at the least expected moment and let him have the upper hand. The hole in the wall of the mess hall was enough of a proof that he was pissed, and he was like a bottle of coke that you shook too much. You would never know when it would explode, but it would. But he was nowhere to be found, and as your steps start to lead you back to your quarters, you feel your eyes water in apprehension. First for you, and then for him. For all you know he could be either in his quarters, letting out some steam on video games, or in a bar, trying to put up a fight with any bloke who would look at him in a way he wouldn’t find acceptable.

But there is also sadness in your heart. Because as much as you want to keep him away from you, you can’t. And you dread the day your ways will split for good. But this day hasn’t come yet…

As you enter your room, slamming the door shut behind you, before you have time to turn the light switch on, you feel a hand wrap on your throat and pin you against the wall. In a matter of seconds you try to comprehend what is happening, and not to freak out. But then, things get crystal clear. From the gloved hand around your throat, to the smell of Bourbon and tobacco hitting your nostrils, now you know.

“Think ya can replace me so easily, little one ?” The grip on your throat is not tight, barely uncomfortable, just strong enough to keep you still. It’s not meant to hurt you, just to remind you who is in charge.

“Ghost, let me go.” Your breath is a little uneven, your voice trembling.

“Now why would I ?” He grunts. He is still angry. “We have a few things to talk about before. Who is he ?”

“No one.” You sigh. You know it won’t be enough. “Name’s James. I don’t know more about him. It was the first time we talked.”

His grip loosens a bit, but not completely. He presses his forehead against your temple and inhale deeply, taking in your scent. “Why would you talk to him ?”

Your breath shortens a bit, because you know that whatever your answer might be, it wouldn’t be good enough for him. And the worst part is that there was no answer, you were just making small talk while lining up at the mess hall for lunch. But still you have to answer something. “We are planned on a mission together next week. We were just trying to get to know each other better. That’s it.”

“That’s it ?” He growled, then chuckle. “That’s it.”

After a few more seconds he finally lets go of you, and turns around, walking toward the nightstand where a half-empty bottle of whiskey is waiting. He takes a long swig, then shakes his head. “It’s the first time I see you talking to another guy. I don’t like it.”

You stand against the wall, not wanting to come closer, your arms crossed over your chest. “Yeah, I got the hint when you punched the wall.”

He scowls. “Don’t go there. It was the wall or his face. Better the wall, right ?” He takes another swig.

You look away, shaking your head. “I don’t understand. You left. Why do you mind ?”

He chuckles bitterly and sit on the edge of the bed, taking a sip of whiskey again. “That’s a hell of a good question.” He rubs his face with one hand, the bottle dangling from his other hand as his elbow rests on his knee. “I have no fucking clue. Ya’re my fucking Kryptonite.”

You sigh, feeling your eyes well up. “No, not Kryptonite. You’re like heroin. You feel like heaven when you’re inside me, but when you’re not I miss you as much as I hate you.”

He growls. “Then find a damn cure. Your own version of methadone, I don’t give a fuck. Stay. Away. From me.”

You let out a bitter chuckle without looking at him. “I tried. You punched a wall, remember ?”

He scowls, his voice raising. “Not a cure that means making fun of me in front of the whole goddamn base !”

You raise your voice to match his. Not something you’re used to do, but today you’re too angry. Today, it reached a new level of toxicity. And you, as well, can play dirty. “Oh, so you’re okay with me being fucked, but not by another soldier ?”

He yells even louder. He needs to have the upper hand, to show that he is more, in every way. “Ya want to play the base’s slut ? Get laid by every fuckin’ soldier around ? Fine, be my guest ! I won’t stop ya ! But don’t come back crying like you always do !”

That stings. More than it should. Because that’s not what you want. But god are you able to, even if just to piss him off a little bit more. “And what, you’re going to punch another wall ? Plus, I wouldn’t come back if you were strong enough to say no, for once !”

You knew. You knew it wasn’t a good idea to use the words “not strong enough” when talking to him. And as the bottle of whiskey crashes on the wall right next to your head, you could only think that you should have known better…

You’re both frozen. Him in anger, you in shock. Your body starts to tremble as more tears runs down your cheeks, and you stare at him, through him, eyes wide and face strained.

He, on the other side, stares back at you, chest heaving with every ragged breath he takes, anger creeping in his mind like poison as he tries to convince himself that it is your fault and not his. As he tries to persuade his scarred mind that he is not a violent guy, that he is not like his father, that it was an accident.

He takes a deep, steadying breath, taking a shy step closer to you. Then another. Then a third one, closing the distance between you two. Slowly, like dealing with a scared animal, he raises a hand to your face, putting it on your cheek, tilting his head as he whispers “I am sorry.”

And as you burst into tears, his other hand reaches for your other cheek, cradling your head in his hands, burying your face in his chest. “Ya know I would never hurt ya.”

But the truth is that he does. Every goddamn day. When he looks at you, when he touches you, when he ignores you. It hurts. But the brain is a wicked machine, and you like it rough.

He presses his lips against your forehead, whispering sweet nothings as he tries to calm you down. How beautiful you are, how soft you feel against him, like a snake trying to convince you to bite the apple, he sneaks into your brain, telling you what you need to hear.

His lips leave a trail of soft kisses from your forehead to your temple, then down to your cheek. Your jaw clenches, knowing what comes next, trying to gather the strength to say no. Not because you don’t want to. Quite the opposite.

When his mouth finds yours, awaking the familiar warmth in your chest, you try. You really try. But it comes out barely above a whisper. “Ghost, no, don’t.”

But he doesn’t listen. He doesn’t ask, he takes. He shuts you up with a kiss, his lips soft and tender at first, but quickly turning more demanding, more hungry. More desperate. And you can’t help but give it back.

With a sharp intake of breath, he buries his hands in your hair, grabbing a fistful of it to hold you still as his tongue presses against your lips, demanding entrance. Your lips part and your tongue reaches his, addicted to the bittersweet taste of bourbon and the lingering scent of smoke.

His body pins you against the wall, giving you no other choice than to put your hands on his waist, his chest pressed against yours, his hips pushing. You can feel how turned on he is, the bulge in his pants rubbing on your lower stomach, making you gasp. And he takes it as a green light.

His hands move from your hair to your chest, his touch rough when he grabs your breasts through the thin fabric of your top, eliciting a small whimper from you. It doesn’t stop him though. He knows you like it that way, despite you trying to pretend otherwise the first time. That is certainly why you and him were a match made in hell. You like when it hurts and he doesn’t know how to be soft.

Before you have time to say anything, his hands are under your top, tugging at your bra to try and move it down. His lips haven’t left yours still, his tongue fighting yours for dominance in your mouth, even if you know he will win.

His fingers find your nipples, pinching them hardly, sending a jolt from your breasts to your cunt. When you moan softly, you can’t feel him grin against your lips. “That’s it, baby girl. Let yourself go.”

As one of his hands keep working on your breast, the other moves down toward the buckle of your belt, calloused fingers grazing the soft skin of your belly, making you shiver. You know what comes next, and the heat between your thighs forbid you to act like you don’t want it.

He works fast on your belt and the buttons of your jeans, his hand already slipping in your panties, eager to touch you. He is neither slow, nor soft, but you don’t mind. All the pent-up tension from the last hours needs to be released, for you as much as for him.

When his fingers reach your pussy, tracing your slit to find your entrance, he stops kissing you, keeping his lips glued to yours, and groan. “Fuck, so fucking wet already. You like me angry, angel. Good to know.”

Inside, you want to scream, the wave of feelings coming at his words overwhelming. Anger. Pain. Self-loathing. Because he is right. He might be a walking red flag, but your red flag is that you like it. But as overwhelmed as you feel, it’s not enough to mutter the craving you feel for more of his touch. And all you can do in response is to let out a soft moan as he slides a finger into you, his thumb rubbing your already throbbing clit in expert circles.

His voice rings in your ear like poisoned honey, dripping from his lips right into your brain. “Come on little one, talk to me, use your words. Ya want more ?”

All you can do is nod, and whimper a small “yes”, because of course you want more.

He chuckles, nibbling at your earlobe as he slips a second finger into you, shutting your brain out. You find yourself grinding your pussy in his palm, feeling the too well known sensation of your orgasm building in the pit of your stomach. Damn him for knowing so well how to play your body like a violin.

He is all over you. His lips kissing the supple skin of your neck where it meets your shoulder because he knows it is your favorite spot. His left hand still pinching and rolling your nipple because he knows it helps the tension building faster. And his right hand in your panties, fingers pulling in and out of your pussy at the rhythm of your moans flattering his ears. He loves it. He needs it. He picks up the pace of his fingers, going harder and deeper, with only purpose to make you cum. And it works.

You keep grinding against his palm, your moans getting louder by the second. “Fuck, Ghost… Don’t stop.”

You can hear the smirk in his voice as he whispers in your ear “I don’t intend to, baby girl. Do me a favor, make it loud.”

And you comply. Not that you could help it, anyway. When your pussy starts to clench around his fingers and you keep moaning his name louder, he moans as well, still rubbing his cock on your lower stomach, needing the friction to help him holding back. He revels in the feeling of making you break so easily, feels powerful when you moan his name without being able to stop, relishes knowing that you still want more. “That’s my good girl.”, he praises softly.

But the softness doesn’t last long, and before you have time to get back from your high, the hand that was delightfully torturing your nipples is now unbuckling his own belt and buttons, letting his jeans fall down to his ankles. He steps out of the pile of clothes, and the same treatment is given to yours. In one swift motion, he picks you up, wrapping your legs around his waist, pinning you against the wall, rubbing his cock against your slit like his life depends on it. He doesn’t care that you just cummed and that your body is too sensitive still. He is starving. And you’re the only meal he wants.

With a growl coming from deep inside his chest, still carrying you, he takes a few steps back and sit on the edge of the bed with you still in his lap. His hands let go of you, just enough time to remove your top and his. He needs to feel your skin against his.

Without warning, he grips your hips and moves you down on him, just enough to let the first inches of his cock slide inside you. And you don’t even try to protest, because you want it too. You need him to fill you up, to stretch you out. You need him deep inside you so you can feel that for a few minutes you two make one.

When your eyes roll back in your head he lets out a groan. “Easy, little one. Ya’re going to take it all like the good fucking girl you are, but I don’t want to hurt ya. I told ya, I’d never.”

Still, he bites down on his lip, the effort of holding back from pounding into you already taking a lot from him. He starts to move slowly, giving you a few more inches of his dick with each thrust, letting you adjust and at the same time craving for more. His grip tight on your hips, dirty reminder of who is in control, he keeps moving, nice and slow, until he is buried into you to the hilt. “Fuck baby girl, you feel too good for my own sake.”

There it is, the hint of desperation in his voice, the only sign he would give you that he needs you as much as you need him. Only when he is deep inside you, body and soul.

When he feels you relax a little around him, his left hand wraps around your waist, his right hand reaches for your throat. Not too tight, just enough to control you. He uses it to settle the pace, his face buried in your hair as he takes in your scent. Your moans are like music to his ears, he is not far from cumming already. “Come on, little one. Ride me. Ride me hard.”

Your grip is tight on his shoulders, holding on for dear life as you move your hips up and down. Every move you make makes you whimper and moan, your eyes closed tight in pleasure, a thin veil of sweat covering your skin.

His grip on your throat tightens a little. “Look at me. Don’t you dare close your eyes. Look at me when I fuck you senseless.”

His grip not loosening, he uses it to make you move faster, making you take him deeper, seeking for both your and his release. He needs to make you cum again, it’s the proof that he has a total control over your body.

Your jaw hangs open in a silent gasp and you open your eyes to look at him, your moans turning into cries of pleasure as he keeps pounding into you faster. His gaze never wavers from yours when he starts to groan with each erratic breath he takes. “Come on, angel. Cum for me. I know your close. Cum for me again.”

And as if your body was listening to him more than to you, a second orgasm hits you like a freight train, making you squirm and writhe in his grip.

“That’s it, baby girl. Let it out, I want to hear ya fucking scream my name.” He keeps pounding, milking you out of your pleasure, and cumming right after you. “Fuck, you’re going to be the death of me, ya know that. I. Fucking. Hate ya.” That’s the last words you hear before he slams into you one last time with a loud groan, and stops moving.

His grip on your throat loosens, his hand moving to the back of your head, bringing you close to him and burying your face in his neck. He stays silent a few minutes, his hand stroking his hair. And your eyes fill with tears, knowing damn well what’s coming.

He has sobered up. Still stroking your hair, he whispers in your hear. “We have to stop it, love. We’re just hurting each other, and I hate hurting you.”

His body tenses as he feels your tears in his neck. He takes a deep, steadying breath. Not out of anger this time. Out of desperation and pain. He keeps whispering. “You deserve the world, and I leave nothing but chaos in my wake.”

He pulls you away, just enough to look into your eyes. He lays on the bed, keeping you in his lap, his arms around you like a vice as you rest your head on his chest. “You were right earlier. I am not strong enough to say no. You will have to be strong for us.”

He pauses as he feels his voice trembling. He hates being weak, but he knows that if there is one person in the world he can allow himself to be weak with, it’s you. “I hate that I have to ask you that, but you have to stay away from me. I love you too much to keep destroying you.”

And your grip on him tightens as tears keep straining your face. Because you know damn well that you will never be able to stop coming back.

[avenger-concerto]

Major Rune Factory ramble and rant to get it off my system before 2024 ends.

This is just me airing out some dirty Rune Factory laundry before the year ends so I can get it off my chest and start a new, as Rune Factory Guardians of Azuma comes up. It'll be one big tl;dr so if you don't wanna read then you are far from obliged to do so but if you want, then sure thing.

I wanted to write something sincere and honest that isn't just a jab meme with a predictable punchline.

Really, this is just me speaking aloud not just about Rune Factory but about the nature of writing in farm sims. I dunno. It's the last day of 2024. I've done my New Years cleaning and I'm bored.

So, RF fans and by extension, Bokujo fans keeping saying "We need Rromanceable MILFs" but I think they just mean more bachelorettes in Rune Factory that visibly not just look but also behave like adults.

I'm aware short / young looking / petite adults exist too (Xiao Pai in 4 looks visibly young but she constantly makes it a point to Lest that she's their senior while they're dating) and that younger players may also get into the series for the first time but let's not forget the series' history so we can learn and observe how it can evolve and progress in the future. It's easy to forget that Rune Factory used to pander to otaku in Japan long before they realized it had a huge market with female players and an international audience.

Granted, RF1-RF2 were very tame and the latter game I remember attracting a lot of fanart of the male characters and it sowed the seeds for an interest in potential bachelors. Which is a sharp contrast to Rune Factory Frontier, which up its tropes like a trashy 2000s harem romcom anime with features that wouldn't fly well today e.g. choosing to "accidentally" walk in or peep on the bachelorettes' changing room by the beachside or the discourse surrounding Eunice's story arc but that's another can of worms unrelated to this post. The Rune Factory 4 manga that was published in Dengeki Maoh back in 2012 had a lot of skeevy fanservice that would not align well with the series image nowadays.

"But it's in anime style, so female characters will look young by default" It's true. Especially with Minako Iwasaki as the artist, as much as I love her art. But that's not always the case. Fire Emblem mainlines or Hoyoverse gacha games (Genshin, Honkai Impact 3rd, Honkai Star Rail, Zenless Zone Zero) can and have designed adult female characters who visibly look and act like adults. (just posting Ruan Mei from HSR and Shamir from FE:3H as examples) And not just their designs or mannerisms either, I mean like... more heavier, hard hitting and mature storylines. I feel like 5 lacked it in that department compared to the feels coasters that were the marriage candidate sub events in RF4. But then again, it's probably weird to be asking for a revenge story or a tale of redemption and loss in a fantasy farm life sim but this is just me rambling on.

I don't want to say I've "outgrown" Rune Factory or anything. Cozy life sim games are such a comfort to me and I'm well aware a meme I posted then deleted yesterday resonated a misleading message but knowing 5 gave men likers Murakumo but kept Misasagi or Elsje off limits was weird.

I know 5 was just one entry in the series. I know bachelor and bachelorette rosters are variable depending on the game. Tides had a wide variety of designs while its bachelors fell flat because they were last minute. I personally felt like 5 had far more better designed bachelors than 4 did and 4's bachelorettes felt more balanced compared to 5.RF GoA and RF6 could turn out differently with their own sets of marriage candidates but the problem with RF5 was that they designed and wrote bachelorettes as if it was a game released in the late 2000s and early 2010s in 2021-2022.

RF Guardians of Azuma releases next year and RF6 will presumably align with the series' 20th anniversary window in 2026 so we'll see how the series. I know romance and marriage aren't the only things that define Rune Factory games but I feel people should be more open to discussing what makes them uncomfortable with the series instead of handwaving it because of X or Y.

I go on benders like this because I grew up with Rune Factory as the title that introduced me to cozy life sims. It has a special place in my heart. I was in high school when I first got into the series but even then I could tell that the candidates looking young may have had nothing to do with my age, probably due to a combination of artstyle and who Marvelous/Neverland were pandering to at the time.

Granted, my experience getting into the series won't be 1:1 with others so I can't speak for them and hell, maybe I'm wrong too but I do feel like "hey, maybe put more effort into the series' female characters" shouldn't be a hot take that can be dismissed with it being a cozy life sim or that kids play these games too.

That being said, I still haven't and will never forgive the garbage writing they gave Xiao Pai in her main marriage proposal event. RF4 treats her pretty horribly and it's always kinda weird when I read people going on about how "we should have married Lin Fa and adopted Xiao Pai instead" when in her romantic dialogue, she's brought up how she's older than Lest (in the JP script, she specifies by two years) which brings me to my next point....

I think ultimately it also has to do with the fact that the characters we play as in Rune Factory are pretty young themselves. In games like Potion Permit, the My Time At games, Fields of Mistria, Sun Haven, and Stardew Valley, we are blank slates we can easily customize to our liking with our headcanons and whatnot.

Rune Factory... the self inserting begins and ends once we choose a name for our protagonists. RF protagonists are usually their own characters and any dialogue choice prompt we are given with them aligns with their base personality.

Raguna was pretty "vanilla" in RF1 but had shades of 2000s harem romcom protag vibes in Frontier. Kyle in RF2 was more or less similar to RF1 Raguna imho. Aaron and Aria played the role of precarious and rowdy kids seeking to go save their father. Micah in RF3 comes off as a mild-mannered but somewhat deadpan snarker in the face of Sharance and the Univir Settlement's antics. RF4's Lest and Frey are defined by their devotion, trust, and loyalty to their friends. RF5's Alice and Ares have this air of skepticism and caution that I haven't really seen with Lest or Frey. Aden is the reckless, hotheaded shonen hero with his childhood friend, Sonja, as the fussy but well-intentional voice of reason in Tides/Oceans. A lot of male protags in RF are written to be "boyish" and "inexperienced" hence why older adults in these towns don't seem like immediate options but Ares can also marry Murakumo and Lucas so really, at this point I probably shouldn't think too hard about it.

I don't really have anything else to say aside that I like cozy life sims a bit too much and Fields of Mistria is a blast so far. I think Celine, Reina, and Valen are my favorite bachelorettes so far but I like all the bachelors and bachelorettes really. I really do think Olric will be added as a post-release bachelor in an update or patch after the full thing comes out.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. Here's to 2025 and more Rune Factory games to come.

[meekoftheweek]

**SPOILER WARNING FOR "SLAY THE PRINCESS"**

I know I said in my post from earlier that I didn't want to put anything out there that might be spoilers but I'm going more in depth because I can't just let these thoughts go away

the thing that resonated with me about this game and its characters and themes was the portrayal of gender roles and the way that they manifest in heterosexual relationships

now, I know that seems like weird connection to make and a bit out of left field but let me explain

we can start with a quick summary

you play as "The Long Quiet", who is told by his inner consciousness to seek out a princess, who we eventually discover is "The Shifting Mound"

Now, we have a man being told his only purpose has to come through a woman by his inner conscience, a predisposed expectation thrust upon our main character. Even worse, when attempting to leave this incredibly confined chain of events, the world collapses, unable to function without this key part of his destiny.

If we look at just the names of our two main characters, we can see that they fit nicely into the old fashioned problematic gender roles of men and women in a heterosexual relationship.

"The Long Quiet" never speaks a word throughout the game, his only form of communication is text based or inner monologue and although this may just be a tactic by the developers to make him more relatable to a wider audience I have trouble seeing this as non deliberate.

Although great progress has been made, men still struggle with talking openly and honestly about their feelings, dealing with the inner conflict of trying to tough things out and deal with their problems on their own and with their own experiences and wisdom instead of speaking up and asking for help. This is why the voices are such an important part of the story, they each represent a branch of possible advice for Quiet, a different perspective - commenting on what should happen next.

It is only through the use of the mirror that these inner voices dissapate, leaving us room to think about ourselves and the decisions we have made free of expectation and worry. It shows our true self and the consequences of our action, no good or bad biases.

Next, we get to "The Shifting Mound" dummed down and objectified as simply "The Princess" - already indicitve of the themes of pre assigned gender roles and ideas. We, as Quiet, in our very first run are encouraged to make a choice - kill or save the princess. It is through following the path of blind devotion and saving her without a second thought that we arrive at the path of The Smitten, a new voice that emerges within us that wants nothing more than to blindly love the princess for all of eternity. This kind of unhealthy attachment is directly addressed by the other voices and when we interact with the princess, she is shown to both physically and mentally simplify before our very eyes. In the mind of The Smitten, the princess is nothing more than a cardboard cutout, a vaugely womanly shaped being without an ounce of depth or meaning, and this is exactly what she becomes, through the conversation with her, she slowly begins to lose all of her meaning, loudly proclaiming after every question you ask that all she wants to do is make you happy - this eventually reaches a breaking point in which this is all she can say. becoming truly emotionless and void of any possible sign of humanity in order to fill our selfish idea of love.

this ties into her name and her role in the game - she's labelled as "The Shifting Mound" and depending on our choices - In another word "us", she will change her form and personailty in order to fit our expectations. This ties into the problematic old fashioned expectations of women to change themselves to fit the wants and needs of men, which cruelly removes them of the ability to genuinely express and be themselves. It is only through repeatedly exploring the different versions and facets of the princess that we eventually learn to truly love her, all of these parts must be accepted - the key to a healthy relationship being a mutual acceptance and understanding of both people involved - free of the societal expectations that bind the way we think and percieve one another.

this is why this game resonated so much with me. these beautiful themes of being more than your label and breaking free from the monotonous loop of holding yourself back in the case of Quiet or changing yourself in the case of Mound for the sake of your significant other I feel is a really important and valuable message, no mattter who you are.

anyway rant aside go play this game it's really good!

[jellybeanium124]

I try to avoid queer identity discourse because it pisses me off, and so much of it (not all but a lot) stops affecting you the second you shut your screen off. I've heard of "bisexual lesbian" discourse and when I first heard that term I took the usual radical inclusionist approach of "well that don't quite make sense to me but it ain't my business." but as I've gotten a bit older, come into my own more as a queer woman, a bi ace woman specifically, I've started to understand that term in a specific way that makes it make perfect sense to me. idk if this is how other people are using it, of course, but I came up with an definition that makes sense, a definition I relate to a lot.

to start, there is no centuries old bisexual culture. not in the way there's gay and lesbian culture. before stonewall, your paths were as such:

not even realize you're not straight because of course everyone else feels affection for both sexes, you're perfectly straight though

realize and understand you're bisexual (granted, you might not have had the word) and stay in the closet to live a safe, heterosexual life and remain totally disconnected from queer culture

realize and understand you're bisexual and decide to exit heterosexual society to go be a part of gay and lesbian society

bisexual people, could, theoretically, live a very happy straight life and be in a happy, loving straight marriage and never feel a need to connect with other queer people. that's my dad. my dad's been happily married to my mom for over 25 years, and his bisexuality is effectively irrelevant to him because... he's married to my mom and they're gonna stay that way. what does it matter?

and so, now, in the 21st century, speaking as someone who grew up somewhere pretty accepting, you have a wider queer culture that encapsulates all queer identities, and within that you have the long-standing gay and lesbian cultures. there is like, idk, bisexual... things...?? cuffed pants or something, but like, the long-standing traditions and histories with my fellow queer women is the lesbian community. there is no separate subcommunity for bisexual women or asexual women. back in the day there was much less separation between these things. why didn't this woman get married? why did she become a nun? some nuns quite famously had a lot of lesbian sex and exploits. other nuns, I imagine, were there to be freed from the need for romance and sex at all, because the idea of either of those things repulsed them. they were just strange women. they were queer. the specifics were unimportant.

so, of course, I have a very strong affinity for the lesbian community. it makes me happy to see other women like me. I see pictures of middle aged butches and see what I want my future to be. if I want to go hang out with fellow queer women, I have to go find the lesbians. I want to be a part of that. I want to be a part of lesbian culture. lesbians writing about their experiences speak to me, they sing to me, it's a place where I belong.

I just like dating boys too.

some people think that's horrible, it's a betrayal, if I want to be a lesbian I have to swear off men forever. and it's like, well, ok, I dunno, I don't really resonate with the lesbian label if we strictly define it as a woman who only loves women. but other people on this site have talked about how the lines aren't so defined, how trans men will often find themselves coming and going and sometimes sticking around, and it's just fine. it's literally not a big deal. you're never gonna make clear cut boxes. in some ways, 8 billion people means 8 billion different sexualities. everything's fuzzy, it's annoying, I know.

so a bisexual lesbian? a bisexual woman who finds herself a part of lesbian culture, the lesbian community, the lesbian identity? it makes perfect sense to me. the way I like men has never been the same as straight women. even from a young age, long before I knew I was queer, I always knew I was into more feminine men. I've had a soft spot for boys with long hair since elementary school. other bisexuals have talked about this too. liking the opposite gender in a gay way. I don't want heteronormativity. I don't want that kind of relationship. I find myself wondering if I could even be happy dating a cishet man, because he wouldn't understand what I even want from a relationship. and he might be too scared to learn.

so a bisexual lesbian? a queer woman who wants to be around other queer women? it makes perfect sense. the details aren't that important.

this has all just been my personal thoughts and exploration and opinions. other people might have very different ones from me. maybe you resonated with me here, maybe you didn't. that's ok. I don't expect every single person who reads this post to agree with and completely understand my personal worldview and experiences lol, I just wanted to throw my thoughts out there!

[satansapostle6]

Lovers and Liars | Draco Malfoy

Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott, both determined and resourceful from reputable houses, find themselves at odds in the name of love.

Warning: Mature themes/language. Violence. Sexual content.

Chapter One

Chapter Two: Power

At eleven years old, when she had first met Pansy, Lorelei had always believed she would pale in comparison. Pansy held all the power in their dynamic and in their social circle, and therefore all the notoriety, and beauty, and respect. But Lorelei had learned from her father that power, unlike beauty and strength, was something crafted by men. Power would only lie where men believed it to be.

It didn’t take much longer for her to realize that Pansy Parkinson was a paragon of this crucial fact. She was not more powerful than Lorelei because she was more beautiful, or more courageous, or more intelligent. She was simply more powerful than everyone else because she had convinced them of such. Slowly, Lorelei had begun to realize that, if she truly wanted to, all of the power that Pansy currently held could simply be transferred over, with the right timing, and the right motivation.

Lorelei felt she currently had neither, so she decided she would simply wait in the meantime. For now, Pansy served her as a more high profile shield, someone to take the attention off of her so that she could do as she pleased in the shadows. Lorelei found that Theodore Nott’s limited relationship with Draco Malfoy worked similarly, if not in the exact same way.

Despite her usual indifference to boys and their attempts at getting close to her, Lorelei had actually grown to like Theo. He was different than the other boys who had tried to talk to her before, mainly because he was actually entertaining. He was entirely different from the other boys in their year; he was different, and he had a certain darkness to him that she found resonated with her.

Lorelei found she was almost taking pleasure in humoring Theo. She felt as if the only time she got to speak to a conscious person was when she talked to Theo. As of late, they had been taking calm strolls about the castle and its grounds together, something many different people within Slytherin house were noticing.

“Strange,” Lorelei Morrigan remarked as they walked out to the courtyard together. “Not as many people are out these days.”

“It’s getting colder,” Theodore remarked, taking note of the crisp fall air.

He had politely linked her arm with his, walking arm in arm with her.

“Are you cold?” he asked.

She smiled. She was only wearing her school uniform, a white long sleeved shirt with a green skirt and long charcoal grey socks. She could have survived, but decided she’d take advantage of Theo’s offer.

“A little,” she said softly.

“Would you like my coat?” he asked.

She nodded. “Sure.”

He automatically took his warm black coat off, leaving him in his dark grey sweater. He gently wrapped the coat around her shoulders, allowing her to put her arms through and wear the coat as they walked.

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” Theo smiled warmly.

He really was rather cute, Lorelei had to admit, with neat brown curls and jade colored eyes that made all the girls blush. Theo, it seemed, was more impressed somehow by the girls who didn’t blush, the girls who seemed to have their own scheme in mind. Theo, Lorelei was beginning to realize, didn’t talk to many people, girls especially, because he was easily bored. Not necessarily from toying with people, but just from talking to them.

Then again, this was normally what led to Theo Nott deciding to toy with people. Or at least try to. He seemed to recognize that he most likely couldn’t get away with that sort of thing when it came to Lorelei.

“Can I ask you a question?” she said after a moment of peaceful, comfortable silence.

Theo looked down at her, eager to hear her question. “Of course.”

“Do you think the Dark Lord has any chance of returning?” she wondered aloud.

This was of course a question she wouldn’t dare ask anyone else.

“He’s said to have been lost for over a decade,” Theo supplied.

Theo often did this thing where, when faced with a difficult question, he would automatically supply Lorelei with the expected and typical response, although not necessarily because it was the answer he held to be the most truthful to him. She knew he was testing her, in his own way.

“He’s been trying to return for years,” Lorelei reasoned. “He’s bound to succeed sooner or later, wouldn’t you say?”

Theo went quiet for a moment.

“Many of his followers are looking for him,” she added.

“Have your parents been looking for him?” Theodore inquired.

Lorelei didn’t say anything, knowing it was the safer choice.

“My father isn’t bold enough to actually seek him out,” he shared, prompting her to do the same.

“My parents have been looking ever since he disappeared,” she confided, “Along with Lucius Malfoy.”

Theodore Nott looked at her curiously, admiring her sharpness.

“That’s right, your parents are rather close with the Malfoys.”

“He and my father often discuss work,” Lorelei explained.

“Your family values powerful friends, then?” Theo asked bluntly.

Lorelei smiled. “Shouldn’t everyone?”

“They should,” he agreed.

This made her chuckle softly.

“What was your family’s motto again?” he thought aloud. “‘Ta mort est ma vie’? ‘Your death is my life’?” he recalled.

She nodded.

“Let me ask you something, Lorelei,” Theo said, piquing her interest. “What do you value, in this life?”

“In this life?” Lorelei only considered the question for a moment. “Greatness.”

“‘Greatness’?” Theo asked to clarify, intrigued by her answer.

“Talent. Success. Notoriety. In that order,” she thought.

“Hmm,” Theo remarked with satisfaction. “What do you think of the idea of a legacy, Lorelei?” he inquired.

She looked up at him, speaking rather matter-of-factly. “I hope to leave behind one of my own,” she answered, “Even standing out from my family’s.”

“That’s a tough act to follow,” Theo commented. “The Morrigans have a history going back millennia… But I’m sure I don’t have to tell you.”

“I’ll make my own way,” she assured him.

“I’m sure you will,” he agreed. “Have you given any thought to what you want your own family to look like?”

“I have,” she nodded, thinking for a moment. “I’ll marry someone impressive.”

Theo chuckled. “‘Impressive’?”

“Someone who impresses me.”

This made him genuinely laugh. “A smart goal. And what about children?”

“What about them?” Lorelei scoffed.

“Do you intend on having any of your own?” he wondered. “If you’ve given it any thought, of course.”

“Children are irrelevant,” she replied simply.

“‘Irrelevant’? To a legacy?”

“In this day and age, a legacy isn’t who you leave behind after you die. It’s what,” she stated. “If I don’t have children, I don’t have children. If I do, then I do. It makes no difference to me overall. As long as it’s what I choose.”

“We think similarly,” Theo recognized.

“Do we?” Lorelei wondered.

“All I want is to build my own empire of sorts. Alongside someone who brings out the best in me,” he thought. “A strong ally.”

“I have a sense for strong allies,” Lorelei told him.

“So do I,” he agreed. “Tell me, Lorelei…”

They stopped as she waited expectantly.

“Can I consider you my ally?” he asked.

She had to think about his question.

“The current social and political climate is… troubling, to say the least,” he explained himself. “Many others from families like ours are, shall we say, not particularly ideal,” he offered diplomatically.

“That I can agree with,” Lorelei said finally.

“You and I both know… Something big is going to happen. Soon. And regardless of whether or not the Dark Lord returns.”

She paused as she considered his logic, face stone cold. Except for her eyes, which widened just enough to allow him a small window into her mind.

“I… I’ll admit, I’ve heard… rumors,” she confessed.

“What kind of rumors?” Theo asked.

“Rumors… About the Triwizard Tournament. I don't have much to go off of at all, but… I think Harry Potter was supposed to be a Champion,” Lorelei said. “But I don’t think he’s supposed to survive.”

“Clever girl,” Theo grinned, a mischievous expression gracing his features. “Would you like to know what I know?”

“Depends on what you know,” she responded.

Her answer was, of course, the most entertaining option he could have foreseen.

“I’ll tell you what,” Theo Nott began. “You accept me as your ally, and I will be the strongest ally you could possibly ask for.”

“Are you asking me to marry you?” Lorelei said cheekily.

“No. Of course not,” he promised. “But, if things progress and we eventually reach a mutual agreement, years from now, that could only be a convenience to the both of us.”

Lorelei’s striking blue eyes pierced his, searching for the truth.

“You’re smart, Lorelei. And powerful… And I would do anything to keep such an asset satisfied,” Theo murmured, “As a friend, or otherwise. Whatever it takes… Things are about to get very confusing around here, and I need to know that someone is in my corner.”

“Alright. I’ll bite,” Lorelei decided, a look of determination on her face. “What do you know?”

Theo grinned, looking around carefully before he began.

*****

Lorelei accompanied Theodore Nott to the very first task of the Triwizard Tournament, which was held on what was typically the Quidditch pitch. They walked arm in arm up into the stands with the other ‘influential’ Slytherin students, as Pansy and Daphne eyed them curiously.

Fred and George Weasley were running up and down the stands collecting bets from students all over. They eventually reached the Slytherin students, boxes in hand. Lorelei and Theo both looked as they passed, accepting bets on either Cedric Diggory, Harry Potter, Viktor Krum, or Fleur Delacour. Most students were voting by passion, choosing the Champion they liked the most without much regard for talent or skill.

Lorelei thought the people placing bets were ludicrous, only to find that Theo calmly pulled a small black bag from his coat pocket. She watched as he coolly dropped a sizable gamble of fifeen Galleons into Fred Weasley’s collection box.

“Harry Potter,” Theo said clearly, earning a suspicious nod from Fred as he waited to see if anyone else had bets to place.

“You’re betting?” she inquired.

“Remember what I told you?” Theo asked.

Lorelei froze, her expression calm and calculated. Fred and George exchanged glances as she remembered what Theo had shared with her a few days prior. He leaned in, a clever smirk on his face.

“You’re going to want to bet on Potter,” he whispered in her ear. “Trust me.”

Lorelei looked the twins up and down before retrieving her own money. She dropped a relatively safe eight galleons into the box, ultimately testing her friend’s intel.

“I trust you,” she concluded as the twins disappeared with the money.

Theo smiled warmly. “You won’t regret it.”

“Betting on Potter, are we?”

Theo and Lorelei looked up as a loud voice interrupted from the row above them. Draco Malfoy was sitting with his yes men, Crabbe and Goyle, along with a few others.

“I bet smart, Malfoy,” Theodore assured him, “Not ideal.”

Draco Malfoy scoffed, sneering at the idea of Harry Potter winning the task. “It’s a shame you’ve roped Lorelei into betting with you. I bet on Krum!”

Draco turned to Lorelei, staring down at her with a grin.

“Your money would be safer with me, Morrigan,” Draco remarked, saying the word ‘money’ as if he really meant something else.

“I can think for myself, thanks,” she said calmly, smiling up at him.

Draco scowled, finding her cool demeanor infuriating. Pansy also seemed livid, albeit for a slightly different reason as she whispered viciously in Daphne’s ear about Lorelei. Lorelei ignored them all, facing forward in her seat beside Theo.

They both watched with blank faces, applauding politely at appropriate intervals like miniature versions of their revered parents. Lorelei turned to watch Theo as Viktor Krum faced his dragon, a vicious Chinese Fireball. His expression was calm and collected as Krum fought the dragon. Smiling, she sneakily laced her fingers with his. He never turned to face her, although there was an appreciative smile that spread across his face as he faced forward.

Eventually, Krum managed to defeat his dragon and capture its golden egg, as the stadium erupted with cheers for his victory. Draco seemed especially excited, looking smugly down at Theo. But Theo didn’t react, waiting calmly as the rest of the challenge played out. Harry Potter went last. So far, Viktor Krum was in first place. Cedric Diggory was in second, and Fleur Delacour was last.

“Something tells me Delacour’s staying dead last,” Theo remarked.

Lorelei chuckled as Potter eventually came out to face his dragon, a fearsome Hungarian Horntail. It was rather touch and go at first; he seemed as if he was struggling just to survive.

“Do you think he’ll win like he’s supposed to?” Lorelei asked while everyone around them was too busy yelling.

“He has to,” Theo assured her. “Whoever our inside man is has made it so. He’d be stupid to fail.”

“But, he is stupid,” Lorelei reminded him.

Theo just chuckled, patting her hand as he encouraged her to be patient. Eventually, Harry Potter found a way to overcome his lack of confidence. Thinking outside the box, he used a Summoning Charm and brought his Firebolt out to the pitch, as Lorelei and Theo just looked at one another.

It was eventually announced that Harry Potter and Viktor Krum would be tied for first place. Lorelei was more than entertained as Theo looked up at Draco, who just gave him an amused smirk. Knowledge, it seemed, was power.

-

Chapter Three

[intimacy-between-hearts]

I would like to point out before I get right into it- that all of my messages are gender neutral and can apply to any gender at all.

I have a few messages in my deck that go out specifically to men and women, but for the most part- I wanted to create something that EVERYONE could resonate with, regardless of gender.

Sexual intimacy is a really sacred and such a beautiful thing to experience and there is no shame on my blog or judgment towards what anyone likes or prefers and I am very "pro sexuality".

There are messages here that are 18+ as well, so please remember that and some of them are very explicit.

----------

Pile 1:

The Uranus energy here tells me that one- or both of you may have had huge awakenings and since Pluto is transiting Scorpio right now, several people are also going through similar things.

You're not alone in this ~

Uranus energy comes along when we have things we need to break away from and it helps us to let go of the things that are no longer serving us.

I feel like one of you may be getting interested in Astrology as well- perhaps as a hobby, or checking each other's birth charts and seeing just "what the fuck is up"- that's the energy I'm picking up on.

There's things about this relationship that just don't feel right to you, but at the same time- you can't let this person go no matter what you try and do.

They keep coming back into your life in some way or another and you've tried to move on with other people, but it just isn't working.

Uranus can be very unstable, so I feel like that represents this relationship and that's why you called it quits with this person.

Basically love, you're tired of the back and forth and you want them to make up their fucking mind.

You want your freedom, because of the unstable energy and you're trying to look for opportunities where you can finally be free of this person and just MOVE ON.

You're being asked to go back to the beginning of your relationship and remember how things used to feel with this person.

Was there always deception and temptation? Or were there some things that you could have changed?

I am by no means saying you are to blame with whatever has went on between the both of you, because in a relationship it takes two people to make it work (or more, if you have multiple partners).

All I am saying is that perhaps there were a lot of disagreements that led to this point and communication and honesty wasn't fully placed before the both of you.

Over time, you may have thought that this person should just naturally pick up on things without words- but that's not how some relationships are.

Maybe there were unrealistic expectations on both sides as well that led to all of this, until eventually it blew up in your faces.

This person clearly wants to get back with you, if they are masturbating to your photo sweetie- so you really need to think about what it is you want.

The lies and the mistakes can be brought back up to the surface and spoken on, because you can't go back to this person otherwise.

You need to literally put everything out onto the table this time and speak up, telling them exactly what you want and express yourself with your words.

They still want you and I feel like they're basically pining over you- wishing they hadn't of fucked up like they did.

The both of you can forgive each other though, if you choose to and you CAN make this work love- but you need to speak up and tell them what you want and express yourself properly this time.

They may surprise you and actually meet you halfway this time 😘

-------------

Pile 2:

Okay, this was the pile that the most cards came out.

Each pile has a different amount of cards.

Since eight cards in total came out and then another five- this tells me there's energy from both of you that I'm picking up on.

I don't know who is who- so you decide whichever seems to fit.

We will start with the first four cards and then the first two of the smaller cards on the left.

🌹🌹🌹🌹

Person #1:

🌹🌹🌹🌹

Your partner has managed to bring up A LOT of fucking torment and grief from your childhood and perhaps this is why I'm feeling like you're pushing them away, without really knowing why.

Or maybe you're confused and you wish you knew what was going on.

Your inner child is in a lot of pain right now sweetie and you need to nurture it a bit, before you can really let this person in.

I feel like the both of you have this wonderful relationship between you, but something has taken place and you just can't seem to get "unstuck" from whatever happened.

Love, you need to know that this person is definitely your wish fulfillment, so don't let them go.

They can be everything you need and more and I feel like they have tried to approach you over what is going on, but you're unsure about letting them see this vulnerable side of you.

I'm here to tell you right now that it's okay to take that next step forward with them.

You're gonna be scared as hell and I'm not gonna lie to you- it'll feel like your entire world is ending maybe even, depending on the wounds your inner child has been carrying all by itself.

But this beautiful soul here wants to help you carry all of that baggage and they're telling you that you don't need to do this alone anymore.

There's a solid foundation to this relationship and you can trust this person.

They will not hurt you the way you have been hurt in the past and they will not place any blame on you, or shame you for anything that may have occurred during the times you were treated poorly in your childhood.

It's safe to completely unload and ask them to help carry this weight, because it's too heavy to take on by yourself anymore sweetie...

This is what it means to be in a healthy relationship with another soul, because you share each other's struggles when it's real and you take on each other's pain as your own.

🌹🌹🌹🌹

Person #2:

🌹🌹🌹🌹

For this person-

I really feel like they've been waiting for something like this their entire lives honestly.

Like- you are literally everything they have wanted in a partner and even more.

They currently have spirit guides that are trying to whisper in their ear and give them little pushes and nudges in the right direction, because however you're acting is really upsetting them and they've thought about breaking up with you.

Those little "voices" in their head though, are telling them to wait and just give you some space right now.

They are waiting on you to make the first move, and that move will light the spark that has sort of dwindled and almost went out- but it's still there- it just needs a little nurturing and patience to get back to its original form.

A renewal is what will take place when you approach them this time, if that is what you choose to do and they will forgive you- whatever words you may have spoken to them in a harsh manner.

They are being told to wait and not make any decisions that could be life altering, because you're the person they were meant to find and their heart was never lying to them.

Rest assured, I feel like telling you this- they have not went to look for any other woman to keep them company.

Regardless of whether there has been any external influences trying to place doubt in your mind- this is not true.

Even though you may be a part right now- however that may look for you, this person has remained completely faithful to you in every sense.

They want to make love to your body and really show you how much they love you, even though you may not approve of yourself in several ways- they love all of your flaws and especially those thighs 😉

They love ALL of you- every tiny little piece of yourself that you hate?

Those things are only one of the many reasons they love you, because all of your imperfections are actually what made them turn and look at you in the first place.

----------

Pile #3:

Alright, so I would like to say first- that I am picking up on very strong masculine energy.

That being said, this is a general read and I do honestly feel like for some of you, this could represent a female partner you have and for other's of you it will be male.

Gender doesn't matter on my blog- because I pick up on energy when I do my readings and souls have both masculine energy and feminine energy, regardless of what gender you chose in this lifetime.

This is coming from their perspective ~

They are very prideful right now, arrogant even perhaps and very involved with their ego.

It's calling the shots right now and this could be why you chose to leave them for the time being and place a separation between the both of you- you may be a man or a woman or any other gender that you may identify with, because this happens with everyone.

There's no such thing as only women doing this and men doing that.

The world we live in sucks when it comes to these kinds of things and maybe that pisses you off too- that's why I'm speaking about it here like this.

The social standards that each 'gender' is expected to live up to in this crazy, fucked up world.

But this person was your perfect little bit of chaos weren't they?

You loved all of the craziness with them and it just made everything bearable, didn't it?

They're starting to see themselves as what they really are now though and they feel pretty shitty after realizing what they have done to you, so they're feeling really guarded and vulnerable right now.

This clarity is coming in the form of spirituality somehow, since there's the third eye chakra popping up.

Perhaps their intuition has managed to slip past that terribly huge ego of theirs and has spoken words they are choosing to listen to now.

This Saturn energy is telling me that they are learning how to be better disciplined and dedicated to their commitments and this is in turn helping them mature in a way they never managed to accomplish when they were younger.

They are finally wanting to show up for you properly and are taking things seriously, with wanting to focus on their career and their business.

They want to take responsibility for what they have done and they want to reach out to you.

They will eventually come to with a proposal of some kind and offer you something.

Perhaps asking you to be their business partner for some of you and you can work on rekindling that old flame that still burns brightly between you, while for others of you- this will just be them showing up for you in a brand new way and taking your relationship seriously.

Maybe there was a lot of tension in this relationship and the both of you went back and forth, before choosing to stay with each other.

They always thought you would be there, no matter how badly they fucked up basically.

They're learning the hard way through this Saturn energy, that they need to go on this journey of self discovery on their own for some time- before they can properly give you what you need.

They have hard lessons that they are in the process of learning and they're really being shown exactly how difficult life can be when you treat someone poorly and this makes me think bad karma is slipping into their life.

This could be why they are choosing to listen to their intuition and deciding to take accountability and responsibility towards the person they have been all of this time.

If they work on themselves before they approach you, they can be a very reliable person and someone you can definitely depend on.

For some of you, they're being reassured that you will wait for them and that you are still incredibly angry and upset over what has happened, but if they "man up" (this is just a figure of speech when I use it)- you will be willing to take them back into your life.

For others of you, these sexual messages could be how you are currently feeling and you really miss your partner, because life feels empty without them and you hate this separation between the both of you.

Perhaps some of you have been waiting for a long time, but that waiting around is going to be prove to be worthwhile- I promise.

Of course, there's always free will, but if you choose to wait for this person- they will not let you down again.

They will show up for you properly this time and when they approach you, you will feel like they are a completely different person.

[hwanchaesong]

Every Summertime

Park Jisung X Reader

genre & warnings: fluff, angst if you squint, wedding au, mentions of insecurities

word count: 886

a/n: i hope you'll like this! for anyone who wants to request, please do follow the rules. thank you so much! 🫶

The sun is shining brightly outside and the crashing waves bring a sense of calm in your rattled nerves. Butterflies everywhere, attracted to the scent of flowers that are beautifully arranged.

Sweat runs down your temple and it was suddenly hard to breathe. You didn't eat much for breakfast but your white gown seems tight on your body.

You shakily brought the mic up that you're holding, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"My father told me once that I should be picky when it comes to men, like how I choose my food."

Your voice echoed with the help of the speakers, laughter erupting from the crowd as you saw your father nod his head in agreement.

"But if I'm going to be honest, choosing to love you was easy like its breathing."

Park Jisung bounced his leg the whole time, biting his fingers out of anxiety.

"Will you stop that?" you swat his hands away and he puffed his cheeks.

"Don't be so nervo-!"

"How could I not?!" he whined, turning to you with a worried look. If you didn't know any better, you'll think that he'd pass out anytime soon. "You missed a class today because I forgot to bring you home early last night! God, if I die today, please leave some pork belly in front of my grave every month."

You laughed at his dramatics, holding his hand, "Don't worry. I had a nice time with you."

The relief on his face at that time was adorable, but horror replaced it within seconds when your father's booming voice resonated in his ears.

You continued your speech, words spewed out naturally and you have already forgotten the long ass essay you had to memorize before the event.

"Every day with you is an adventure. Every time with you is precious. Anywhere with you is memorable."

"It's two pm." Jisung groaned from beside you in the bed, he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him, "Your family will be so mad that we missed church day."

"Ugh," you tossed and turned around, facing him before pecking his button nose, "I don't really care."

The male nozzles his face in your neck, "You sure about that?"

"Positive." you hugged him back, sleepily running your hands through his silky strands of hair, "Besides, I prefer drinking with you 'til the crack of dawn and trashtalking our co-workers."

"I don't really have much to say," you bit your lower lip, kind of embarrassed to say your next words in front of this many people but you encouraged yourself to do it, "Always remember what I told you before."

The man in front of you looked at you with confusion, silently telling you to go on.

"You have my heart every summer, but to me, every day is summer time with you."

The crowd cooed at your sweetness, making you blush a thousand shades of red.

"Guess, it's my turn. How could I top that?" finally, your groom Jisung, is now speaking. A small giggle escaping your lips from his small joke.

"First, just know that I'll protect you from anything.. even from my own relatives." he gave his sister a side eye who was sitting at the front.

A sheepish expression formed on his sister's face as she mouthed a 'sorry.'

"Now, now. You know she doesn't mean that."

"I know!" you wailed, clinging to him as you sniffled, "But it still hurts."

You met with Jisung's family today, discussing the details of your wedding but his sister made a careless comment about your weight. You were insecure about it and you're trying to manage it but life sucks. You lack sleep everyday because of work and eating is the only way for you to gain energy.

Jisung sighed, patting your back before placing a loving kiss on the crown of your head, "Don't worry, I'll take care of this. I love you."

The next morning, his sister was frantically apologizing to you. Telling you that it was not nice of her to say that and she'll be more thoughtful of what to say next time.

"Second," he stared at your eyes, your heart swelling when you saw his orbs full of adoration that is only reserved for you, "I promise to cherish every moment with you. I will always stay by your side, make you feel loved and accepted."

The waterworks began to brew, you didn't know that your soon-to-be husband can be this bold with his words. You knew him as a shy one, awkward at his best and this side of him is endearing.

"Third, all those late night walks and dancing under the streetlights led us into this. And.." he paused for a second, leaning into you and pressing your forehead together as he held your hands tenderly, "I plan on continuing this adventure with you until we're grey and old."

The claps and cheers from your family and visitors were blocked when he finally kissed you, securing your vows.

You both weren't psychic, but it was so easy to connect with each other like it's been a habit of yours since birth.

Loving Park Jisung is like experiencing summer itself, bright and warm and full of joy and happiness, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

[luminouslumity]

Speaking of Bridgerton—and again, I say this as someone who's read the books and really liked WHWW—I really feel like the hate has been overblown.

The only thing I can kinda agree with is feeling like Francesca already being attracted to Michaela invalidates her feelings for John, especially when she just got married, so if anyone had to be tongue-tied, I honestly would've preferred it if it had been Michaela. On the other hand, obvious outcome aside, it is important to acknowledge that attraction doesn't always necessarily equate to love and we're also still talking about an introverted eighteen year old Regency woman who not only got married after knowing her charming husband for what had to have been only a month or two at most, but also just got introduced to his equally charming cousin.

I don't know, I guess I'm just looking at this scene with a kinda "it is what it is" approach if that makes any sense, but I do hope it gets addressed in one way or another. I absolutely love John, and even though I'm very excited to see Michaela again and see how the show further adapts her story, I still want him and Francesca to be happy together, for however long they have.

As for the rest, I'll be delving into book spoiler territory (yes, even more so than the above), but basically the whole point I'm trying to make here is that I think it's far too early to judge, especially since Michaela has only had a few seconds of screentime, so I'm willing to wait, but my overall opinion will really all depend on the execution.

Okay, so in WHWW, we know that Francesca suffers from infertility issues, and if losing John wasn't bad enough, she also miscarries. This is, of course, an important plot point and one that resonated with many and I think that's beautiful. What confuses, however, is why some people think they'll get rid of this plotline now that the two leads are the same gender, as though those in queer relationships don't have these same problems as well. And maybe it's just me, but I really think there's a lot you can do with a story about a young woman who suddenly loses both her husband and the child she'd so longed for, tries to look for a new husband years later for the sake of wanting to try for a baby again, only to end up falling in love with her husband's female cousin, therefore causing both internal conflict on the woman's wants (a child of her own), as well as external conflict in terms of what would and wouldn't be considered socially acceptable for the time (being in a same-sex relationship).

And as for the inheritance, how can Michaela inherit Kilmartin if she's a woman? After all, inheritance laws at this time strictly favored men, right? Well, not necessarily. Noblewomen gaining their own lands and titles isn't exactly a new concept per se—though it is obviously a rare one—and this especially applies to Scotland, where Kilmartin is located. For example, during the 18th and 19th Centuries, Mary Hay succeeded her brother and became the Countess of Errol after his death, while the Earldom of Orkney had three consecutive generations of countesses: Anne Hamilton, Mary O'Brian, and Mary FitzMaurice.

Furthermore, we know that PoC being ennobled is still a pretty new thing in this universe, and as we see in Queen Charlotte, there was a genuine concern for what would happen next, especially in terms of succession. It's why Danbury interacts with Sophia Augusta at all! So, either there's going to be an entirely new character to inherit the Earldom, Michaela has to get married before the title can go to her, or the Earldom of Kilmartin was created "with remainder to the heirs whatsoever of [the first ennobled Stirling's] body" so as to prevent a potential crisis, thus leading to Michaela to inherit the title in her own right, with or without a husband (maybe give or take some artistic liberties). That said, I certainly won't be surprised if there's a lavender wedding anyway, or at least a Gretna one.

[justme315]

Family 3/? (gt story)

First part:

Previous part:

Next part:

!Warning!

fear, mention of death and potentially eating people, sadness, is rather fluffy I think..

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Mark stood stunned, staring at his husband and the tiny girl in his hand. James laughed slightly at that.

"I felt that way too, calm down babe" he said quietly looking at his husband. James gaze then returned to Lizzie, who was clinging tightly onto the stuffed elephant. It was obvious that Lizzie got scared again seeing Mark, her eyes filled with tears again, which softened the hearts of both men.

"Oh, calm down, sweetheart, it's just my husband, Mark. Don't be afraid, love" James whispered gently, stroking her hair. Lizzie didn't look any more calm. Now she avoided the eyes of both men. Earlier, when she was alone with James and the plushie, even for a short moment she did not feel like James was a murderous beast that humans are, but he felt like a really nice person. Almost like... a parent? No, she should never use that word. Certainly not talking about a human. Now, however, when Mark apperead, she was terrified again and didn't want and couldn't be around humans. Mark didn't seem half as nice as James, he was much taller and more powerfully built.

"W-Where are her parents?" Mark asked his beloved. James lost his sparkle in his eye. He thought Lizzie was some kind of revelation from heaven, their tiny little dream child, but the truth was that she might have parents who were looking for her right now. After all, it was impossible for a child of her age to live all alone. James didn't wish her parents anything bad, but he was silently asking the Universe that Lizzie would need him.

"I don't know..." James muttered under his breath.

"Lizzie, where are your parents?" James asked quietly, stroking the girl's back with one finger. It had calmed her before, but she didn't seem calmer now.

"Returned to the Creator or something.." Lizzie mumbled softly, remembering what Cain had told her. That their parents are already in a better place and they are happy there and they don't have to hide anymore. Lizzie had always wanted to visit them or live with them, but Cain said that there will come a time they will, but it will be in far away future.

The men's eyes widened. Something was wrong in their stomachs now. That poor little girl was... alone?

"Are you..Who's looking after you Lizzie? You're still a little too young to be all alone.." James whispered, frightened by the vision.

"I'm not too little! I'm already 8 years old! And I have a big brother!" Lizzie was indignant at being described as a little girl.

"Big brother?" Mark asked confused. Lizzie flinched. Mark's voice was deep and resonant and didn't remind her of anything nice. Her legs trembled at very the thought of being in front of humans, and here she had to face them and talk to them. James didn't even seem very human, he was kind and quiet, but the other one reminded her that she was in hellish danger right now. She needed her brother to be able to come back home.

"Y-yes, I have a big brother and he is scary and brave and he will save me!" exclaimed the girl with feigned confidence, wiping tears from her ocean blue eyes.

"Save you? From what exactly?" James asked, his voice breaking. He was afraid he already knew the answer.

"Well.. Humans. You know bestial monstrous humans?" Lizzie said in disbelief that these men didn't know what was going on. Mark and James felt as if their hearts had stopped beating for a moment. As if something had died in them. James felt tears building at the corners of his eyes. He felt very sorry for Lizzie and her brother and didn't understand how they could see them as... monsters?

"How old..?" gasped Mark, his voice cracking "How old is your brother?"

"Fourteen! He's big now and he's not afraid of anything!" Lizzie said with a smile, but her legs trembled with fear whenever she made eye contact with one of the giants. Both men's hearts stopped beating properly. A 14-year-old boy taking care of his little sister all by HIMSELF?

"Where is your brother now?" Mark said coolly. Lizzie immediately stopped smiling. His voice sounded... scary. The man, however, had other plans than to scare the little ones. He wanted to find the boy and help him. Help them. He knew that James wanted it too, but he was too jittery with all this information to take the initiative.

"Home" Lizzie mumbled, snuggling tighter into the elephant. The borrower rules she already knew were "don't let humans see you" and "don't tell humans where your hiding spot is if you get caught and you don't live alone." She had already broken the most important one, but she did not plan to say more. She had to wait for her brother to show up to save her.

"Where-"

"Aren't you hungry Lizzie? Why don't I make you some breakfast?" James cut in, interrupting his husband. He though that putting too much pressure on a girl who is on the verge of crying again is not a good idea. Plus he thought Lizzie was like 6 years old and skinny, so if she's 8 she's on the verge of starvation.

"Bre-k-fast?" The girl said, as if testing out the word. As if she was using it for the first time, even as if she was hearing it for the first time.

"You know, the most important meal?" James flinched at her response. Lizzie didn't know why he reacted the way he did, but she found it a little ironic. Instead of her panicking, James looked more scared now. Lizzie just shook her head.

"I'll make... cereal." James mumbled, trying to calm himself down.

"Call my work and say I'm not coming today because I'm sick" he said quietly, turning to face his husband. Mark nodded. James then proceeded to prepare the meal, and Mark sat in his place, smiling at Lizzie, who just hid more, cuddling up to the elephant.

-----------------------

Cain knew he had to save his sister at all costs. He hoped she was still in the tunnel, but unfortunately she wasn't. Approaching the end of the tunnel, he didn't expect to hear humans on the countertop.

Oh shit. Are they up?! Why so early?! Cain was horrified at the thought. He couldn't hear much from the tunnel exit, but he did understand one thing. They said something about food. The only vision his mind creates told him that Lizzie was supposed to be the main course.

"Over my dead body" Cain whispered as he prepared to rescue his sister.

--------

Sorry I wasn't posting for long, hope you enjoyed❤️

[mbakuetshurisprincess]

Back to Black Part 3

AN: Hello my loves! When I say this is a fic I was worried would NEVER see the light of day cause it was rewritten so many times. Like me and her we have been going at it for months on end so I’m super happy to say it’s finally out. The love y’all have for this series is sooooo mindblowing for me, I wanna say thank you for all the nice comments y’all always leave it really does make my day. Last thing, you’ll notice I’ve got a gen taglist and then a BTB taglist, if you want to be on either please let me know!

Summary: After vowing to never step foot in Wakanda again, unforeseen circumstances bring you back and face to face with everything (and everyone) you left.

Pairing: Shuri x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Cursing and alcoholism.  

Word count: 2,822

Part 1.   Part 2.   Masterlist.  Taglist.

Suggested listening: What It Is (Demo) - Amy Winehouse.

“Relationship, dust and remains We resonate on different planes I could cut you down again If you was like all other men If you were like all other men I know that I could shut you down again“

You knew sleeping with Shuri was a bad idea, even if it was just for one night, but damn did you get some of the best sleep of your life. At first, you two lay on opposite ends of the bed, Shuri too scared to make the first move and you second-guessing what you were even doing in her bed in the first place. It went against everything you told yourself you were standing for, to crawl back into her bed with such ease.

The touching started slowly, despite the King sized bed, somehow both of you had made your way into the middle. Shuri’s hand reached out for yours, when they met and didn’t immediately pull away she thanked Bast for allowing her even this little pleasantry. Drowsy with sleep, drunk on emotions and the thought of how much you missed the good days, you interlaced your fingers and pulled Shuri closer. 

Once she was a few inches from your body you let go of her hand and placed your whole arm above her. She looked at you for a moment before crawling into your arm, resting her head on your chest where she always did. You wrapped your arm that was above her around her waist bringing her body into you and she wrapped her free arm around your torso.

Shuri let out a deep breath, one that sounded like she had been holding it in for a long time, releasing all of her stress into you. Everything was quiet and you both assumed the other had fallen asleep despite each being consumed by your thoughts. You contemplated if this was setting you back from all the progress you had made over the past six months, sliding back into Shuri’s bed and willingly opening your arms to her. Isn't this exactly what you told yourself you weren't going to do?

Meanwhile, Shuri mulled over the gravity of the situation at hand. You, Shuri’s Y/N were back in Wakanda. Many a night had Shuri spent dreaming of this, the day that you would return and fall back into her arms. But this wasn’t what she had dreamed. No. You weren’t back in Wakanda under happy circumstances to rekindle your relationship, instead, you had been brought to her by the two people who knew her the best in a last-ditch attempt to pull her out of a depression. And there was no one Shuri could think to blame but herself.  

You felt her shake beneath you slightly and looked down. She hadn’t seen you look at her as her eyes were closed but you stared at her long enough to catch a few tears glide out of her eyes. The moonlight of the room gave Shuri’s skin a bluish tint and the tears glistened on the surface of her skin.

“I am SO sorry Y/N.” She spoke softly but you could hear the pain in her words. “I have done this to us, I have damned us.”

You wanted to speak, to reassure her that she wasn’t the one who had done this to your relationship, but your mouth ran dry of words. You couldn’t lie and say Shuri wasn’t the one who caused this when deep down you knew she was. As Shuri lay there crying on your chest you fought back tears of your own, this wasn’t something one night of apologies could fix.

By the time you woke up, Shuri was still clung to your body, now fast asleep. You knew you needed to get up and make something to eat for the two of you but you wanted to savor this rare moment of calm before what you assumed would be an emotional day ahead. You had always thought Shuri to be beautiful but now in the early morning light, you took advantage of the time to gaze upon her sleeping face. Noticing the way her eyelashes curled up ever so slightly and how plump her bottom lip looked while it was poked out as she slept. The scene laid out in front of you was almost picture-perfect until you remembered the last time you had been in the room.

Frantically stuffing as many clothing items as you could into a tiny book bag and uploading photos and memories onto a flash drive. Knowing that at any moment if you were to be discovered attempting to leave, there would be one hell of an argument waiting for you.

Suddenly the feeling of Shuri’s arm wrapped around your waist no longer felt like a security blanket but like a weight holding you down. The scent that enveloped you in comfort when she finally laid on you, now made you feel like you were drowning in her and couldn't get out. Your brain couldn’t comprehend quickly you made the switch from vowing to never speak to the woman again to now clearly acting as a source of comfort to her. Especially in such a physical way, given everything she’d done.

Not wanting to stay much longer and cause yourself further emotional turmoil you slowly slid yourself out of her arms. You padded quietly over to your drawers and quickly picked something to wear of the things you had left here, deciding on just a simple pair of black leggings and an oversized white shirt. You walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind you, not wanting to disturb Shuri. Turning on the shower you washed all of your anxiety down the drain, lathering yourself in the fine Wakdandan soaps you had missed. You finished by lotioning and getting dressed in the outfit you had picked out.

You looked at Shuri’s sleeping body one more time before you left the room on the mission to figure out what you could cook. The kitchen that was attached to your wing was surprisingly not bare of real food, to your surprise. The fridge was stocked with fresh fruit, milk, and other essentials. And the pantry was filled with various types of flour and other baking needs.

You decided on making pancakes, grits, eggs, and turkey bacon with a fruit salad on the side. Before you started cooking you grabbed a water bottle and a few pain relievers from the cabinet and placed them quietly back on the nightstand in your room. Knowing when the Queen woke up she was going to have one hell of a hangover.

Your cooking had consumed so much of your attention that you hadn’t even noticed the sound of Shuri getting out of bed. You were chopping the last bits of fruit for the salad when you saw her appear in the doorway, hand shielding her eye from all the light that was coming in through the windows that lit the kitchen. She approached you slowly and you couldn’t tell if it was the hangover or her nerves.

“Thank you for the uh pain pills.” She stopped on the other side of the counter. “I can feel them starting to work already.”

Words once again didn’t come easy to you and you just nodded an “Mhm.” as you swept the strawberries into the fruit bowl. You both stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment before you finally spoke up. “We should eat before the food gets cold. I didn’t know how much of an appetite you would have so I just made your favorites.” The end of your sentence trailed off, how were you even supposed to know if these were still her favorites? What if they had changed in your time apart?

Shuri had been too busy trying to speak to you this morning to even notice the breakfast spread you had laid out on the dining room table. She looked in awe as you two walked over to the table, you setting down the fruit salad as the final missing piece. Shuri was overcome with gratitude at that moment, not only had you slept in her bed last night upon her request but you woke up the next morning and made breakfast for her. How could she of been so stupid to fuck this up?

Breakfast was quiet aside from the sound of utensils scraping across plates. Shuri ate like she hadn’t been fed in days and you imagined all of the alcohol had somewhat done damage to her appetite. You found yourself not that hungry, your mind could only think of the speech you had planned for Shuri as you cooked. When she had eaten the last bit of fruit from her plate she looked up at you and said “Thank you sthandwa, I really needed that.”

The sound of that pet name somehow brought warmth to your heart despite everything that she did. “I’m just glad to see you eat again Shuri, you don’t look like you have been.”

The young royal shifted in her seat and brought her eyes back to her plate. Even though she knew she had gotten thinner, after you left Shuri, her own personal health had become the least of her concerns.

You could tell your remark brought her some amount of discomfort and you knew part of it was a shame that the mistreatment of her own body had become apparent enough for others to notice. Not wanting to dwell on the subject any longer, you changed the topic, starting with the speech you had prepared. “I have done some thinking, Shuri.”

“Oh?”

“I’m only going to be in Wakanda for seven more days, no more than that. I was brought here to get you back on your feet and that’s what I’m going to do but I won’t sacrifice my life to do that.” The words came from your mouth with more confidence than you had anticipated but you weren't mad at it.

Shuri nodded, sensing there was more where this was coming from.

“I really don’t know what’s happened since I left Shuri, but I can tell you what’s not gonna happen while I’m here. No more drinking, that's gotta be the first thing you let go.”

Shuri helped herself to another serving of grits, “Okay.” She agreed, spooning the dish on her plate.

“And you need to at least talk to Okoye and Nakia about what's going on, no more shutting them out.”

Shuri repeated the soft “Okay.” just as she had before.

You pushed the serving of eggs around your plate preparing to say what you knew was going to be the hardest for her to go along with. “And Toussaint, you need to talk to him.”

The Queen started to protest but you cut her off.

“I don’t care what you say to him Shuri, I’m not saying you need to make amends while I’m here. But he deserves something from you at least, Nakia told me how much he misses you. You owe him a conversation at least.” You pulled yourself up from the table and gathered your plate before Shuri could speak. You made your way over to the sink and started washing off some of the dishes before loading them into the dishwasher.

The air stood still and felt stale as the young royal sat at the table alone, left with just your words. Sure she knew you were right, her drinking had become a vice she could no longer control but was too scared to reach out for help.

The way she had isolated herself from Okoye and Nakia made embarrassment course through her body, the two women who had never left her side and she couldn’t even return their calls. 

And Toussaint, just the thought of her nephew feeling abandoned set her insides aflame with shame. In everything you said though there was one person you left out.

“And what about you?” Shuri asked with her back to you, you had to turn off the water to ensure that you’d actually heard her.

“What?”

She stood from her chair and brought her plate over to the sink where you stood. She stood on the other side of the dishwasher door, holding your eye contact. “You have said something about everyone that I have hurt except for yourself.”

You faltered for a moment as you took the plate from her hand and rinsed it off. “This isn’t about me.”

“Why wouldn’t it be about sthandwa? I hurt you just as much as I hurt them.” The honesty in Shuri’s voice was refreshing, she hadn’t been confused last night for something it wasn’t.

You closed the dishwasher and turned on your heels. “You need to focus on the people who are in your life, Shuri.” “Are you not in my life?” She questioned, following behind you closely.

“I’m not-” You sighed, pushing your hands through your hair. “I’m not in your life the way they are. Nakia and Okoye are in your life, I’m…”

Shuri took your stuttering as an opportunity and quickly placed herself in front of you. “You are what sthandwa?”

Her sudden presence in front of you made you nervous, now that she was looking less disheveled some of the familiar feelings surrounding her started to return. To calm yourself naturally, your hands found their way to the necklace Shuri had gifted you. Her eyes flashed down to your hands and she grabbed them instinctually, “I owe you just as much if not more of an apology.”

Your hands felt safe in hers, the way her thumbs naturally rubbed up and down calmed you. You couldn’t look at her, you kept your eyes glued to your hands. It all felt so right again. The buzz of your phone pulled your attention from her and snapped you out of your trance. You took a step back, disconnecting your hands from hers, and grabbed your phone from your pocket.

Toussaint has a tutor this morning, come over for mimosas. I want to take advantage of our time together, I have missed you sisi.

Nakia

Like a gift sent from God or Bast herself Nakia provided you and out from this conversation. “I should go.”

“We didn’t even finish talking.” Shuri contended, desperate to have you that close to her again.

“There isn’t anything else for me to say.” And with that, you made your way out of the bedroom, on a mission to see Nakia.

You sat on Nakia’s couch, the laughter between you two had died down after she explained to you Toussaint’s most recent antics. It was a comfortable silence but you had known Nakia long enough to know there was something on her mind.

“Alright what is it? What’s the question you’ve been trying to find a way to slip into our conversation.” You cocked your head to the side with a slight smile to ease Nakia’s nerves, letting her know you weren't mad.

She took a sip of her champagne flute. “I was that obvious?”

“Motherhood seems to have done a number on your poker face.”

“Hey!” Nakia feigned hurt at your response and you two laughed it off. “I hope it’s not too painful for me to ask but I wanted to know, what happened the night that you left? You didn’t even give me enough time to say anything before you were gone. It was all so sudden”

The slight pain in her voice wasn’t lost on you and you felt an ache in your heart remembering the way you left things. Nakia and you had built up a rather close bond while you were in Wakanda. You considered her a sister to you so hearing how much pain and confusion your departure caused her made you ashamed for not reaching out sooner. You refilled your glass of wine and were about to begin speaking when a knock at the door stopped you.

“Give me one second, I wasn’t expecting anyone else,” Nakia said to you as she got off of the couch to answer the door. You watched as she opened it, curious as to who would be coming by her wing of the palace this early in the morning.

Nakia was greeted by Okoye standing at her door, a bottle of champagne in one hand and orange juice in the other. Okoye looked over to you on the couch and back to Nakia, noticing that you both already seemed occupied in mimosas and probably conversation.

“Oh,” Okoye started. “I wanted to drop this off but I can see you are busy. We can reconvene later.”

“No wait!” You hadn’t gotten the chance to speak to Okoye yet and the energy between you two was still off. “I was going to tell Nakia about the night that I left, I would like you to hear too. Please.”

Nakia grabbed Okoye’s arm and pulled her inside the room, shutting the door behind her, effectively making the choice for Okoye. They made a pit stop in the kitchen to get an extra champagne flute before plopping down on the couch across from you, ready to finally hear what happened.

GEN Taglist: @shuriszn @sokkasbae25 @verachii @cuddl3s4shur1 @takeyaki @jinnie10101 @letitias-fav @sweetalittleselfish-honey @beautybyfire @6-noir @mocha-aya @yvxmpire @mysticalmarss @ziayamikaelson @youralphawolf72 @n7cje @inmyheadimobsessed @shurisjournal @shurisbigtoe @saintwrld @pinkwright

BTB Taglist: @sailorsolar12 @honey-teaaaaaaaa @ghostlyboiii @itsmaniii @shuriri4life

[butch-with-a-deep-voice]

Hello! I recently found your blog and wanted to thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. Your posts about your journey in learning to embrace queer masculinity and your butch identity have been an absolute Goddess sent. If you have the bandwidth and are open to sharing, I would love to hear more about your process of separating masculinity from manhood and embracing queer masculinity. As a fellow trans femme trying to figure out if Butch works for me, I keep hitting roadblocks in learning to appreciate and embrace those masculine/chivalrous traits without identifying them with my formative experiences. I'm Colombian, and chivalry (unfortunately wound up with a lot of machismo) was essential to my upbringing. I resonated a lot with what you shared about pursuing hyperfeminity to leave behind masculinity, and I have reached a point where I can't sustain the hope of waking up and looking like Barbie one day and working toward appreciating the mortal coil I have and stage of transition I'm in. I apologize this got so verbose but I hope it made sense lol

Hey! So this was sent in a few days ago and I wanted to give time to sit on it. This is such a complicated and honestly deeply personal process. One person's relationship to masculinity will look entirely different than another.

It's been a process that I've been working through honestly most of my adult life, even before transitioning. I think there are two major factors that proved the most important, and they're pretty linked with eachother.

Find examples of healthy masculinity that speak to you.

I will preface that due to the nature of media, these will primarily come from men still. It's gonna happen. That is okay actually, it will lead into point 2. Finding healthy examples of masculinity was so necessary for me because masculinity was so wrapped up in just constant negativity. The harm so many men cause to women/queer people. Toxic masculinity and how those who perpetuated it shaped nearly every waking moment of my childhood/adolescence. The entire "anti-men" issue that fully plagues feminist and queer spaces, and how in most of those spaces men are hated on so casually you're looked at funny if you call it out.

Finding examples of both manhood and masculinity that were healthy and safe was so important in being able to reclaim masculinity. As a trans-feminine person I was never going to be able to even start to look at the process of first separating masculinity from manhood, nevermind reclaiming masculinity, if I wasn't able to first view both as not inherently bad. So, I'll provide three of my top examples of healthy masculinity that played really integral roles for me during the early phases of healing my own.

Lord of the Rings Now this is pretty much everyone's go-to, especially if you're a nerd like me. But there's good reason for that. While Tolkien has his slew of problems, from lack of women in the books, to the racist undertones of Orcs/Goblins, his works provide plenty of examples of healthy masculinity. No one would ever say Aragorn isn't masculine, he's peak "manly man". And yet, he's gentle. He's a healer. He recites and writes poetry (to the point that Bilbo goes to him for advice on how to finish a verse). He loves flowers and art and history. He's masculine, but he's unafraid of being soft, and he uses his masculinity to protect. To lead. To love. Not for malice. Samwise Gamgee is frankly a rolemodel to me. I used to joke he and two other fictional characters were my type in men, when in reality, they were my butch-coded role models (Malcolm Reynolds and Milo Thatch). Samwise is still firmly masculine. But he's the softest sweetest man out there, and I hope I can live up to the healthy masculinity he performs daily.

William Prince William is an Indigenous Canadian folk/country artist, who comes from the same neck of the woods I do in terms of region. His music has gotten me through so many tough times I can't even begin to express how important it is to me. One of the biggest reasons he is on this list is so much of his music explores being a man in a healthy way. Whether it is being a father, to the importance of healing your trauma before it hurts those you love, to the importance of being vulnerable as a man in general. Top three songs for some great healthy masculinity imo are "The Gun", "That's All I'll Ever Become", and while it isn't necessarily masculinity focused, "Run". My only other note with him is just uh. Don't listen to the "Gospel First Nation" album. He went a little "born again" during Covid and it nearly killed his career.

Arcane The writers of Arcane wrote gender so well it's ridiculous. You will find plenty of people on tumblr discussing how well it did women, but I think there isn't nearly enough praise for how well they wrote the men in the series. I could go into it more, but honestly, this video essay by my favourite video essayist Schnee details it beautifully (I'd also watch the sister video to this one about women in Arcane, it's pretty great). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBNUgGhPZzY

First and foremost finding healthy examples of masculinity in your life and the media you consume is so important. Find ways to separate those masculine traits you know you want to embody from the toxic ones like "machismo" as you put it. That way you can get into the next part.

Address Internalized Shame Surrounding Masculinity

This one is a doozy. I'm still working on it if I'm being honest. (I would also like to note that a lot of internalized shame work should be done with a professional if you can access one). Shame rules our lives if we let it, not just with gender. It affects everything. Work, family, food, hell shame makes people feel shameful about getting an extra hour of sleep here or there. It makes us hate when we want to just. Relax. It makes us hate when we ask for our needs to be met. Shame work is something EVERYONE should do, ekosi.

But as a trans person, whether or not you decide to claim butch, you MUST eventually look at that big ugly stain that is your shame with masculinity. Even the most hyper feminine of us trans-femmes must do so. Hatred and shame of men and masculinity will continue to fester if left unchecked no matter what. Yes, many men have done terrible things. Yes, we live in a society that favours men to the umpteenth degree and perpetuates toxic masculinity and patriarchy. Yes, as trans-feminine people we were and sometimes still are, associated with a lot of those perceptions and beliefs. It's an awful feeling and it makes you hate yourself. Part of why I went hyper feminine is because of how much I hated my shame. I was so shameful of being born male. Shameful of the fact that I was a "threat" in feminist spaces purely for existing. Shameful of how intimidating I would become if I ever raised my voice because of how powerful my diaphragm is, on top of my already large demeanor. That shame will eat you alive if left to persist, regardless of transition.

That shame must be dealt with. Masculinity cannot be shameful. I'm a complete buzzkill in a lot of queer and feminist spaces because I shut down sarcastic anti-men jokes pretty damn regularly. I shut down the joking perpetuation of the bi "all women and one (1) man" stereotypes. I shut down "ugh men" jokes. Whether or not people who make those regularly realize it or not, those jokes continue to tell men, cis or trans, they are unwanted in queer and feminist spaces. That their very existence is worthy of shame. (and no, the "trans men are an exception" thing doesn't provide an out. They're men too.) It is biphobic, it is transphobic, and it perpetuates colonial patriarchal systems still in place. That cannot be the case. Part of feminism is making masculinity a healthy thing. Part of why it is okay if your personal examples of healthy masculinity end up all being men is because men performing healthy masculinity adds to the overall de-shaming of it. Gender stops mattering when you de-shame masculinity. What matters is healthy masculinity as a whole. Once gender no longer matters for healthy masculinity, the next step of separating it from manhood kind of already did itself.

While there are other small things I've done throughout my life that helped with the overall separation of masculinity and manhood, that in turn allowed me to claim butch for myself, those two steps were absolutely integral in the process. I hope you're able to find things that work for you, and that these examples of mine were helpful to you. Thank you for the wonderful ask 💕