#i love oranges so yum yum in my tum

[alexeetzcatz]

i hate everything i love oranges but i can’t peel oranges because my nails are always too long and fucking poke up the orange and then im all sticky and gross. need a butch to peel my oranges pleaseplease☹️

[misslindasimaginarium]

Paloma’s Fate

I once knew a girl with a fondness for fart  This lassie had farting right down to an art

Paloma her name, she loved trumping, its true,  But sadly for others, not on the loo

All over the place she’d emit her foul air  To her they smelled heavenly, she didn’t care

Flouncing around in a foul fog of guffs Spicy savoury whiffs, her delicious Love Puffs

Wherever she went she’d pass wind with glee and squeal with delight ‘Come and smell me!’

At least 50 times in one day they’d appear Beastly noises and smellies from her tiny rear

The stenches erupting from her teeny bum Had started to really embarrass her mum

“Paloma, you must put a stop To your revolting backside cough

Please control your windy bottom”  “Oh mum, I really just can’t stop ‘em”

With that she passed one tiny fluff Gasped mother “Right, I’ve had enough

From now on try to hold them in And hide your effort with a grin.

“Here this might help” and out she brought A brown and orange bottle cork

“I have a hunch, a small idea to make this problem disappear

Here, here my dear, plug up your rear!”

————

With nowhere for the farts to go Her tiny bum began to grow

With every pump her bum grew bigger It started to distort her figure

Her little tum and teeny rump Began to look a lot more plump

She moaned ‘Although now I’m not smelly My bum feels like a giant jelly!”

At school the kids would laugh and tease  “Can’t I let just one out, please?”

“No darling, hold them in your tummy Try and do this for your mummy.”

Now 2 or maybe 3 weeks pass The swollen mound of poison gas

Inflated like an air balloon “Please help me mum, or I’ll burst soon!”

“Be quiet my dear and come with me  to your teacher’s house for tea..”

Arriving there at half past four Paloma just squeezed through the door

Table laid, cakes and jam, Cheese scones, salad and some ham

The teacher opening a tin “One more thing I must bring in”

Paloma’s mum, look of dismay Beans on toast was on the tray!

Paloma squealed, jumped to her feet, “Beans! Yum! My favourite thing to eat.”

In 3 mouthfuls gobbled down Mum looked concerned, began to frown

Realising the fate, Grabbing the plate, But it was too late

Beginning with a rumbling from deep within It rose from her toes right up to her chin

Rumbling, grumbling, gurgling, burbling Gargling, babbling, coughing, popping

“Oh I’m getting bellyache” Louder and louder, with a mighty shake

and a thunderous roar She fired out the cork right onto the floor

“Oh no!” said mum, “please stop it” With that Paloma took off like a rocket

From out of her bum an enormous blast Propelled her out of the window so fast

Rapidly she flew, so high a small dot way up in the sky,

“My little girl, can this be true?” And then completely out of view

The mother screaming “Oh my dear, I’ve made my daughter disappear!

Oh gosh, oh I say My daughter’s bum’s actually blown her away!”

————

The moral of this story for parents is clear Don’t try and plug up your child’s tiny rear

It’s natural to fart, learn to love the aroma Unless you want a fate like Paloma

[mayaagonemissing-blog]

Italy,the 5th most visited country in the world is where I went missing this summers with my partner #oldmonk and I come back with a bag full of happy memories.To add anything to already existing travel articles and data about Italy on the Internet can be difficult as there is no dearth to it, so I will just write about what we enjoyed the most and what you can add in your bucket list if it matched your wavelength:)

Ah!This Turquoise 🙂

Now the order that I list are almost equal in terms of my experience, the thing is that when you are there in flesh and blood experiencing it, it’s all together a different high so the list is in the sequence we visited.

1.Cinque Terre:Hiking,Wandering,Sunset and Night Photography

“Cinque Terre”,the cluster of five villages on the rugged Ligurian coast are very picturesque and you can hike all of them.As my Old Monk is not a big hiker and he reluctantly agreed to do only one, we chose the blue hiking trail from Monterosso to Vernazza and boy, it is just spectacular!!

The hike gives you an opportunity to take in gorgeous views of the sea and as you keep hiking and look back at the village you have left behind, it just keeps getting cuter and tinier.

The highlight for me was when I got the first glimpse of Vernazza from a distance and second was when I saw Monterosso again from Vernazza’s harbour:) So I suggest a hike is a must if you can.

Views while Hiking.This is Monterosso!!

View of Vernazza while Hiking

Also,be a early riser as the sun can get strong and this comes from someone who stays in Delhi where we experience excruciating heat:). Also the crowds can get to you.Again from someone who lives in the second most populated country in the world:) So starting early can be a really good idea.

Hiking Trail!

Secondly,when we reached Riomaggiore (our 5th village) by train of course, we climbed up the stairs on left of the harbour and it had gorgeous views of the village, sea and sunset, this was an absolute highlight.See the sunset time online and make sure you don’t miss it.

Finally we planned and got back to Vernazza again after the sunset to take night shots of the village.The best part,at night the village was almost empty ,with all tourists gone and it thus became the best time to spend eating focaccia and admiring the village harbour while experiencing the softest sea breeze.

Vernazza

2.Detour- Porto Venere

So when we were doing “Cinque Terre” our Airbnb host suggested we must take a detour and visit Porto Venere, and we are glad we listened because we just loved it.My highlight was the view from the Window and then Balcony of San Pietro Church.I also liked walking the steps of Byron’s Grotto,Sipping a coffee in a corner tucked away cafe, walking the oldest lanes of Porto Venere ,chatting with a Nun who lives there from Kerala and buying the best Pesto I ever had.Ah!

Views from the Cathedral

Byron’s Grotta

Try Pesto here, the best!

3.Staying in a Vineyard in Chianti-Tuscany

We chose Chianti Classico region for the first part of our stay in Tuscany.Our stay was in the midst of endless vineyards of Casa Sola, in absolute wilderness.

My Chianti Abode (only a section of it of course!)

View from my Tuscan Window

From here we drove around the Chianti Classico region…The landscape was serene with endless vineyards, olive trees and the beautiful red poppy flowers.

We did the Castellina in Chianti (beautiful village where we had a hearty breakfast), Radda in Chianti (I bought traditional coffee makers from this village), Gaiole in Chianti (famous for L’Eroica cycling event each year) and Greve in Chianti.

We also did day trips to two beautiful town/city San Gimignano and Siena.

4.Staying in an Ancient Castle in a tiny Tuscan Village, Castle Muzio.

With a population of just 35 residents, Castle Muzio was the perfect, fairy tale village we chose for staying during our later part of Tuscany. Here we divided our time checking out the Tuscan villages and landscape .The castle stay was cozy and here my window overlooked the village’s chapel and it’s bell tower that rang every hour:)

Castel Muzio

View from my Room in Castel Muzio

So our highlights here were Val’Orcia,San Quirico and Crete Senesi regions…endless rolling hills and Poppies made us so happy.Our cameras kept clicking but to just be and soak in everything that Mother Nature has to offer was just soul satisfying.

My most cherished spot if I have to pick will be “Capella Della Madonna Di Vitaleta”,the chapel with cypress trees.So simple yet so profound.

In terms of Villages I definitely recommend “Montepulciano” and also “Pienza” actually.

Montepulciano

  Street in Pienza

  Pienza

5.Salerno a Lovely Surprise

After doing the famous Amalfi Coast we relaxed in Salerno.We had done absolute zero research on Salerno and hence it became a sweet surprise.Firstly we stayed in a Port facing room in the apartment of an Old Couple who were the sweetest.The view of Yatchs, Ships and the Sea was so cool and the sound of Seagulls made it all so unforgettable..

View from My Window!

The old town of Salerno has also so much to offer.Because it is less touristy we saw Italians in their weekend bests enjoying the promenade and in the shopping streets of the old town .I got two pairs of Italian Shoes here, probably that’s why it is also a highlight:)

The Cathedral was hosting a music performance by different schools and it was open for all to visit, which we did.Supernice!

Also we had a very authentic Atypical but Gourmet dining experience in Cicirinella,Salerno.A definite recommendation, but book your table in advance here.

6.Lecce-For Art,Music and Culture

For a few nights we made the historic centre of Lecce our Basecamp to explore the Southern Puglia region. The Old town of Lecce is beautiful and we liked it because of it’s eclectic mix of Working Artists, University Students, Monks,Nuns and Musicians.

We were happy to catch up with the Lecce music scene too with the band “Almoraima”.

It just had a good feel to it and people peacefully were having a great time.

7.Puglia Coastal Routes 

This Mediterranean coastline is endless with it’s Azure water.We drove down from Lecce to Leuca and had the best time.We hopped from town to town dipping in the Azure waters, swimming,relaxing on the rocks and savouring seafood.

The halts on the route we took and recommend is Porto Badisco- Castro Marina – Tricase Marina – Marina Di Novaglie – Il Ciolo (the bridge that’s famous for jumps, though I just swam underneath!) and Pescoluse (Maldive del salento).Just Fab!

Castro Marina

Porto Badisco

  Ciolo

Pescoluse

8.Staying in a Trulli

Ah!The truly magnificent experience ever.We stayed in a 200 yrs old Trulli in the fairy tale “Itria Valley” of Italy right outside Alberobello. This Trulli was our home for four days.I felt like a wealthy farmer of medieval times.I had an underground room to myself which the owners have converted in to a Museo, an underground cellar which was so cold  I could imagine it acting like a big natural refrigerator of those times and a room in the air practically, basically a wooden loft with a wooden ladder.I love restoring things so this was such a delight.

The host left us unlimited table wines to savour and other goodies.Here we went to the local market, cooked food and basically relaxed as if we were locals.

9.Walking the lanes of Old Towns of Puglia

You pick any town in Puglia region you will like it for it’s stone washed buildings, the sea view,harbor and marinas.We visited so many towns and it ‘s hard to choose the best but I am going to # some so you can google and pick yours.Just wander and get lost in these towns, you will love it.

Otranto

Polignano a Mare

  Trullo-Alberobello!

Ostuni

  Street in Martina Franca

#Otranto #Polignanoamare #Ostuni #Alberobello #Locorotondo #gallipoli #Martinafranca

10.Binging Out in Italy

Now Italian Cuisine is every kids favourite and we were absolute childlike in eating our Pizzas and Gelatos for sure.We ate absolute amazing pizzas but our favourite Pizza was at La Pia in La Spezia and it was right next to our bnb.

You will see locals and tourists queuing up.We saw locals ordering a slice of Pizza with Farinata (a local chickpea pancake) and we did the same.But the Slice was so good that we then ordered a full size Pizza (that just melts in your mouth) and we also went there the next day and the day after:)

I am also going to pick L’Antica Pizzeria Da Michele for our Pizza journey in Naples for the sheer theatre of it.First you get a slip with your queue number, ours was 84 so imagine we had 83 tables before us, practically a wait of 1hr:30mins, but the best part is you have people from around the world waiting outside for that one bite of the legendary “Margherita Pizza” or “Marinara Pizza “(my pick is the Margherita )and it is more like a celebration.Due to the crazy waiting line, we saw people having beers,gelatos and even pizza from another shop before they entered to have the legendary one.haha!!

Btw,you won’t believe where I had the third best Pizza.It’s the authentic Neapolitan Pizza I made myself..haha..! We did a cooking class with Tonino Academy in Naples and the Pizza we made was so soft and yum and I just couldn’t believe that I could make such a yum tum Pizza:)

My coffee cravings was satisfied in many cafes where I would have a shot of cafe macchiato and I like to have it with fresh orange juice which may sound weird but it’s my fav pair.

In the land of Gelato it’s difficult to pick one right ? but I think we know our favourite and it’s at Perche No! in Florence.In midst of the historic centre this melt in your mouth Gelato was the sweetest experience ever.We highly recommend it because  you cannot go to Florence and not have Perche No! gelato.You just have to.

On that sweet note, Go Missing!

Ciao!!

x

#italy #puglia #tuscany #gelato #pizza #rollinghiils #cinqueterre #trulli #salerno #lecce #castlemuzio #italytravel #traveleurope #europe #siena #florence #travelaroundtheworld  #italianholiday #italyroadtrip #italymustdo #italythingstodo #travelitaly #holidayinitaly #italybucketlist #europebucketlist #thingsdotoinitaly #pugliaregion #chianti #tuscanyroadtrip #trulli #trullo #tuscanvillages #cinqueterrehiking #cretesenesi #valdorcia #sanquirico

Ps:-All pictures are clicked by us!!Except the Riomaggiore Sunset(taken from Google) as our Camera acted up a little that time.

  Ciao!! x

            My Top 10 Italian Holiday Experiences Italy,the 5th most visited country in the world is where I went missing this summers with my partner #oldmonk and I come back with a bag full of happy memories.To add anything to already existing travel articles and data about Italy on the Internet can be difficult as there is no dearth to it, so I will just write about what we enjoyed the most and what you can add in your bucket list if it matched your wavelength:)

[thesanantonian-blog]

Hotel Valencia

OOOOOOOO Hotel Valencia on the Riverwalk! Now THIS might be an actual contender for best hotel on the riverwalk. It's Argentinian Modern design is definitely new for me, so it wasn't tired like a lot of places in San Antonio. I want to take you on a step by step journey because while I do feel it might be the best I've been to yet, there are some drawbacks for the budget conscious among us. The Hotel Valencia is well known to be the hotel celebs choose most when staying in San Antonio. They even have a wall of glass oranges (hence the name of the hotel) signed by celebrity visitors, most of whom probably played at the neighboring Majestic theater. It's located in the middle of literally everything you'd want to be next to if you like downtown San Antonio, including a GORGEOUS glass art shop and some truly great restaurants. Houston street in general is just always fun and sparkling. As you walk in there's a beautiful water feature/fountain that snakes through the bottom floor, and has a lovely light effect going. As you ascend the stairs, you're greeted with what the Valencia calls "Argentine Modern" decor, which is really clean lines, a lot of leather and a lovely installation of cattle skulls by the elevators. Everything is warmly lit and there was a clean almost spa-like scent that wafted through the air. While checking in, the staff was helpful, courteous and fast, which is ideal for us. We took the elevator up to the fourth floor, and we noticed that on each room sign and pretty much all signs there was a panel that looked like salt rock with light behind it. It's not salt rock, it's plastic but the effect was soothing just the same. I did find it ironic that the sign for the electric room wasn't lit. The Entrance Once inside the room we were surprised by how gorgeously appointed it was. The bathroom was done in white marble (sigh, why can't my bathroom be in white marble??), and it was really spacious. I will say that the bathroom door has a translucent panel right in the middle that when closed, faces the toilet. This is weird if you've got a mans with you who thinks it's funny to tell you he can see your general outline while you're using it. I'm not so in love with that part. Married or not we have our boundaries. The soaps and lotions are heavy on the glycerin but otherwise really lovely and smell nice. Next to the bathroom, there sits a little refrigerator filled with the incidentals your mom warned you about. Literally my mom called me and warned me not to touch a thing that doesn't explicitly say "free" on it. There was vodka, whiskey and a Bloody Mary all premade and stuff, along with mixers and other alcoholic beverages. Now, if I were the Valencia I'd have fever tree, or a mixer that's worthy of the alcohol going into it...just sayin. There are also heavily overpriced snacks available too, but we didn't touch those. The Room We then walked into the actual bedroom, and it was PERFECT. The metal headboard was huge and impressive, and the oversized, long desk was so pretty I didn't want to put anything on it. I did though because we just got married and I had to sort out the gifts. The Bed The bed was comfy right off the bat, because of course I plopped myself right on it the minute I walked in-as is the custom. It had a cute little mini blanket thing at the foot of it, and super fluffy pillows that weren't too soft or too hard. This has actually been the most comfortable bed to date outside of the one we own. I liked the side tables, and they had a little ihome speaker that you could prop your phone onto when it needed charging or you just wanted to play the latest episode of "Stuff you missed in History class". The Patio Ok so the patio in this room was fairly small, with a table and two chairs on it. However, it offered a pretty view of the Valencia's unique courtyard. There's a huge 3 story fountain that has fire in the bottom of it, and it makes such a lovely sound all day and part of the night. The courtyard itself is very pretty, despite being the place where smokers go to smoke. It didn't annoy me at all and it usually really does so you probably won't mind it if you're sensitive. Drinking wine and eating chocolate on the patio was beyond relaxing so I'd definitely recommend it. Most importantly, the shutters are heavy wood shutters that block out ALL SUNLIGHT. I REPEAT, THEY BLOCK OUT ALL SUNLIGHT. The room turned into a veritable luxury tomb and holy cattle drives I loved it. Room Service Yum yum for our tums! This room service was ON. It seems like no matter what we got it was tasty. There were lobster flautas, brisket burgers, perfect French fries, fluffy omelettes and amazing club sandwiches with a light aioli. They're also really great about late night room service, which is a must for us because we're night owls. We even got a call about 30 minutes after it was delivered to make sure that we liked what we ordered. They also have orange juice of course, being the Valencia hotel; and it was the best orange juice I've ever had. I'm not just saying that because it was served in a goblet, I'm saying that because it was true. We did end up going into the fridge and helping our already drunk selves to some stoli, which was totally worth it. The scent that was embedded throughout the hotel was actually a scent that they conveniently sold when you check out in either a room spray or a candle. It's called "Sevilla" and yes I absolutely bought it and have taken it to other hotels since. You should totally buy it, it's worth the $41 or so we spent on it. All in all, this hotel deserves 4.8 stars out of 5. I'm only deducting a small amount for the bad selection of snacks and drinks. We would have splurged on a better mixer. Anyhoo, this hotel CAN'T be missed, so book a staycation and enjoy your city!!!