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ducktastic · 4 years

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2020 Gameological Awards

Over on the Gameological Discord, we have an annual tradition of writing up our games of the year not as a ranked list but rather as answers to a series of prompts. Here are my personal choices for the year that was 2020.

Favorite Game of the Year

I didn’t know what to expect when I walked into Paradise Killer. I knew that I liked the vaporwave resort aesthetic from the game’s trailer and figured I was in for a Danganronpa-style murder mystery visual novel with an open-ended murder mystery at its core. Those assumptions were… half-right? The game definitely plays out like the exploration bits of Danganronpa set on the island from Myst but with far simpler puzzles. What I didn’t expect was to fall so deeply in love with the environment—its nooks and crannies, its millennia of lore, its brutalist overlap of idol worship, consumerism, and mass slaughter. It makes sense that the world of Paradise Killer is its strongest feature, since the cast of NPCs don’t really move around, leaving you alone with the world for the overwhelming majority of your experience as you bounce back and forth between digging around for clues and interrogating potential witnesses. And despite what the promo materials indicated, there IS a definitive solution to the crimes you’re brought in to investigate, the game just lets you make judgment based on whatever evidence you have at the time you’re ready to call it a day, so if you’re missing crucial evidence you might just make a compelling enough case for the wrong person and condemn them to eternal nonexistence. Am I happy with the truth at the end of the day? No, and neither is anybody else I’ve spoken to who completed the game, but we all were also completely enthralled the entire time and our dissatisfaction has less to do with the game and more to do with the ugly reality of humanity. I’ve always been of the mindset that “spoilers” are absolute garbage and that a story should be just as good whether you know the twist or not and any story that relies on surprising the audience with an unexpected reveal is not actually that good a story, but Paradise Killer is a game about piecing together your own version of events so I feel that it’s vital to the gameplay experience that people go in knowing as little as possible and gush all about it afterwards. Just trust me, if the game looks even remotely intriguing to you, go for it. I’ve had just as much fun talking about the game after I finished it with friends just getting started as I did actually solving its mysteries myself.

Best Single Player Game

I honestly missed out on the buzz for In Other Waters at launch, so I’m happy I had friends online talking it up as Black Friday sales were coming along. The minimal aesthetic of his underwater exploration game allows the focus to shift more naturally to the game’s stellar writing as a lone scientist goes off in search of her mentor and the secrets they were hiding on an alien world. It only took a few hours for me to become completely absorbed in this narrative and keep pushing forward into increasingly dangerous waters. In Other Waters might just be the best sci-fi story I experienced all year and I’d highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys sci-fi novels, regardless of their experience with video games.

Best Multiplayer Game

Look, we all know this year sucked. 2020 will absolutely be chronicled in history books as a fascinating and deeply depressing time in modern history where we all stayed inside by ourselves and missed our friends and family. It was lonely and it was bleak. Which is why it made my heart glow so much more warmly every time I got a letter from an honest-to-goodness real-life friend in Animal Crossing New Horizons. Knowing that they were playing the same game I was and hearing about their experiences and sending each other wacky hats or furniture, it lightened the days and made us feel that little bit more connected. Sure, when the game first launched we would actually take the time to visit one another’s islands, hang out, chat in real-time, and exchange gifts, but we all eventually got busy with Zoom calls, sourdough starters, and watching Birds of Prey twenty-two times. Still, sending letters was enough. It was and still is a touching little way to show that we’re here for one another, if not at the exact same time.

Favorite Ongoing Game

Zach Gage is one of my favorite game designers right now, and when I heard he was releasing a game called Good Sudoku I was sold sight unseen. The game as released was… fine. It’s sudoku and it’s pleasant, but it was also buggy and overheated my phone in a way I hadn’t seen since Ridiculous Fishing (also by Zach Gage) seven years ago. Thankfully, the most glaring bugs have been fixed and I can now enjoy popping in every day for some quick logic puzzle goodness. Daily ranked leaderboards keep me coming back again and again, the steady ramp of difficulty in the arcade and eternal modes means I can always chase the next dopamine rush of solving increasingly complex puzzles. It’s not a traditional “ongoing” game the way, say, Fortnite and Destiny are, but I’m happy to come back every day for sudoku goodness.

Didn't Click For Me

With Fortnite progressively losing me over the course of 2020, finalizing with my wholesale “never again” stance after Epic boss Tim Sweeney compared Fortnite demanding more money from Apple to the American Civil Rights movement (no, absolutely not), I dipped my toe into a number of new “battle pass”-style online arena types of games, and while Genshin Impact eventually got its hooks into me, Spellbreak absolutely did not. With graphics straight out of The Dragon Prince and the promise of a wide variety of magic combat skills to make your character your own, the game seemed awfully tempting, but my first few experiences were aimless and joyless, with no moment of clarity to make me understand why I should keep coming back. Maybe they’ll finesse the game some more in 2021, or a bunch of my friends will get hooked and lure me back, but for now I am a-okay deleting this waste of space on my Switch and PC.

"Oh Yeah, I Did Play That Didn't I?"

I remember being really excited for Murder By Numbers. Ace Attorney-style crime scene investigation visual novel with Picross puzzles for the evidence, art by the creators of Hatoful Boyfriend, and music by the composer of Ace Attorney itself?! Sounds like a dream come true. But the pixel-hunt nature of the crime scene investigations was more frustrating than fun, the picross puzzles were not particularly great, and the game came out literally a week before the entire world went into lockdown which makes it feel more like seven years ago than just earlier this year. I remember being marginally charmed by the game once it was in my hands, but as soon as my mind shifted to long-term self care, Murder By Numbers went from hot topic to cold case.

Most Unexpected Joy

I was looking forward to Fuser all year. As a dyed-in-the-wool DropMix stan, the prospect of a spiritual sequel to DropMix on all major digital platforms without any of the analogue components was tremendously exciting, and I knew I’d have a lot of fun making mixes by myself and posting them online for the world to hear. What I didn’t expect, however, was the online co-op mode to be such a blast! Up to four players take turns making 32 bars of mashups, starting with whatever the player before handed them and adding their own fingerprints on top. It sounds like it should just be a mess of cacophony, but every session I’ve played so far has been just the best dance party I’ve had all year, and everyone not currently in control of the decks (including an audience of spectators) can make special requests for what the DJ should spin and tap along with the beat to great super-sized emoji to show how much they’re enjoying the mix. Literally the only times my Apple Watch has ever warned me of my heightened heart rate have been the times I was positively bouncing in place rocking out to co-op freestyle play in Fuser.

Best Music

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Only one video game this year had tunes that were so bumpable they were upgraded to my general “2020 jams” playlist alongside Jeff Rosenstock, Run the Jewels, and Phoebe Bridgers, and that game was Paradise Killer. 70% lo-fi chill beats to study/interrogate demons to, 20% gothic atmospheric bangers, 10% high-energy pop jazz, this soundtrack was just an absolute joy to swim around in both in and out of gameplay.

Favorite Game Encounter

It’s wild that in a landscape where games let me live out my wildest fantasies, the single moment that lit me up in a way that stood out to me more than any other was serving Neil the right drink in Coffee Talk. Over the course of the game, you serve a variety of hot drinks to humans, werewolves, vampires, orcs, and more, all while chatting with your customers and learning more about their lives and relationships. The most mysterious customer, though, is an alien life form who adopts the name Neil. They do not know what they want to drink and claim it doesn’t make a difference because they cannot taste it. Everybody else wants *something*. Neil is just ordering for the sake of fitting in and exploring the Earth experience. It’s only in the second playthrough that attentive baristas will figure out what to serve Neil, unlocking the “true” ending in the process. Seeing the typically stoic Neil actually emote when they tasted their special order drink? What an absolute treat that was.

Best Free DLC of the Year

It’s still only a couple of days old at the time I’m writing this, but Marvel’s Avengers just added Kate Bishop, aka Hawkeye, and THANK GOODNESS. Almost every character in the game at launch just smashed the endless waves of robot baddies with their fists and that looks exhausting and uncomfortable. Hawkeye (the game calls her Kate Bishop, but come on, she’s been Hawkeye in the comics for over 14 years, let’s show her some respect) uses A SWORD. FINALLY! Aside from that, I’m just having a blast shooting arrows all over the place. She and Ms Marvel are the most likable characters in the game so far, so I hope they keep adding more of the Young Avengers and Champions to the game, and if the recently announced slate of Marvel movies and tv shows are any indication (with America Chavez, Cassie Lang, and Riri Williams all coming soon to the MCU), that seems to be what Marvel is pushing for across all media

Most Accessible Game

Nintendo is, first and foremost, a toy company. They got their start in toys and cards long before video games was a thing, and they still do more tests to ensure their video game hardware is childproof than anybody else in the industry (remember how they made Switch cartridges “taste bad” so kids wouldn’t eat them?). This year, Nintendo got to rekindle some of their throwback, simplistic, toys-and-cards energy with Clubhouse Games: 51 Worldwide Classics, a Switch collection of timeless family-friendly games like Chess, Mancala, and Backgammon, along with “toy” versions of sports like baseball, boxing, and tennis for a virtual parlor room of pleasant time-wasters. The games were all presented with charming li’l explainers from anthropomorphic board game figurines, and the ability to play quick sessions of Spider Solitaire on the touch screen while I binged The Queen’s Gambit on Netflix made Clubhouse Games one of my most-played titles of the year. Plus, local play during socially-distant friend hangs was an excellent way to make us feel like we were much closer than we were physically allowed to be as friends knocked each other’s block off in the “toy boxing” version of Rock’em Sock’em Robots.

"Waiting for Game-dot"

I get that everyone loves Disco Elysium. I saw it on everyone’s year-end lists last year. I finally bought it with an Epic Games Store coupon this year. This year was a long enough slog of depressing post-apocalyptic drudgery, I didn’t want to explore a whole nother one in my leisure time. I’ll get to it… someday.

Game That Made Me Think

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Holovista was an iPhone game I played over the course of two or three days based on the recommendation of some trusted colleagues on Twitter and oh my goodness was I glad that I played it. What starts as a chill vaporwave photography game steadily progresses into an exploration of psychological trauma, relationships with friends and family, and the baggage we carry with us from our pasts. In this exceptionally hard year, I badly needed this story about spending time alone with your personal demons and finding your way back to the people who love and support you. Just like with Journey and Gone Home, I walked away from Holovista feeling a rekindled appreciation for the people in my life.

#video games #holovista #paradise killer #animal crossing #animal crossing new horizons #spellbreak #good sudoku #fuser #dropmix #in other waters #marvel's avengers #avengers #clubhouse games #coffee talk #2020

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untitledtallgeesepodcast · 3 years

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[TRANCRIPT] EPISODE 14: ROAD TRIP (NO APOLOGIES)

Cathy 00:03

Hello and welcome back to Untitled Tallgeese Podcast, a podcast where four old friends rewatch and discuss Gundam Wing. I am Cathy, your moderator for this episode, and I am joined as always, by Kat, Mallory, and Caitlin. If you have been following along, you know that this week's episode — Episode 27, Locus of Victory and Defeat and Episode 28, Passing Destinies — are recap episodes, following the unofficial Season Finale from last time. As mentioned previously, we will be spending the bulk of this episode discussing a topic near and dear to all of our hearts, Gundam Wing fanfic from the early 2000ish through the lens of one very special fic, Road Trip by Sunhawk. But first, there isn't a lot to talk about that's new in episodes 27 and 28, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention two bits of new information we got. First, that Relena has switched wardrobes, and is now in a Sanc Kingdom school uniform. And she no longer is informing Heero that he needs to come over here and kill her but rather to return to her, echoing Quatre's telepathic insight into Heero's Golden Aura from the end of Episode 26. And second, Treize is now being placed under house arrest by the Romefeller Foundation for his speech in front of Duke Dermail. At the end of Episode 28 we see that he's not alone in house arrest, but rather joined by a ghostly Lady Une still in her peaceful ambassador outfit, who joins Treize, as he looks at blueprints of yet another mysterious Gundam-like mobile suit on his laptop, which spoiler alert, is Epyon. I think, you know, these are interesting episodes. And Caitlin, I know you had something to say about the way the recaps are done in 27 and 28.

Caitlin 01:45

Yeah, I think that it's really interesting how they, I mean, that new information comes to us via these framing narratives, where you have Relena, and a little bit Heero, and then Treize narrating everything that's happened to them. So we get a Relena narration where she's much more strongly identifying herself as the ruler of the Sanc Kingdom. And then we get a Treize narration that links together a lot of his dubious political thought, in the midst of his defeat.

Kat 02:18

It felt like the first time we really understood like, exactly what Lady Une thought his politics were, or his plans were and how he changed those plans, like explicitly.

Cathy 02:29

Yes, there was this moment where he reflects on the beauty of where he is trapped, which I believe is the Luxembourg base, but I don't know if they ever say that. And he articulates it as if to say, "this is what I wanted to preserve. This is what I joined OZ thinking it was to preserve," and then traces his change in thought, which I don't remember that ever coming through necessarily. What he thought he was doing originally before he became the Treize that we know.

Kat 02:56

Cathy, I did want to say that it felt like Treize was really reciting from your theory of anime from last episode when he talks about these "warriors with rebellious wings," and how their like purity of spirit completely changed his life.

Cathy 03:12

Yes, I love it. I felt like [laughter]--

Mallory 03:15

Yeah, I wrote, "Cathy! strong wills, what purity! theory of anime!" in my notes. So there you go.

Caitlin 03:22

Now we have to address the possibility that Cathy is Treize. Treize was God, he was Hannibal, and now he's Cathy.

Cathy 03:28

It does, I think, speak to why I've always found Treize a really fascinating character, even if I think he is a huge asshole, and none of his ideas make any sense. But you know, I am always drawn to this idea of people who, and I think I phrased it as "get sucked into other people's deranged orbits?" and Treize is both a person who creates a deranged orbit around himself [laughter] and also gets sucked into the orbit of the Gundam pilots, so I do love that about him.

Caitlin 03:56

Interesting. That explains a lot about you, but also makes me understand Treize a little bit better framing him that way.

Kat 04:03

I know you're sick of her but I did like that Une finally figured out the soul of OZ, that the purpose of battles isn't limited to making ideals into reality.

Mallory 04:11

Since you brought it up... why does Treize refer to her as like, my love? Or beloved? He says, "Lady Une, my love, rest in peace." So is the show trying to make me believe that Treize has feelings for Lady Une?

Kat 04:26

Is it just awkward writing?

Caitlin 04:28

I think it's just awkward writing but also kind of that. I think the dub at least -- and I only listened to the dub this time -- decided that Treize was in love with her and is going with that.

Kat 04:39

Both of these episodes felt very much like, "Hey, remember this heterosexual pairing?"

Cathy 04:44

Yes! And I remember one time we talked about whether or not this show actually ships heterosexual pairings or just, they thought they were but they're just so horrible at writing heterosexual romances [laughter] that everything comes off really strange and this is definitely an example of that. Like, I could see both sides of this, that we are supposed to believe that Treize had romantic feelings for Lady Une and then it just was written so poorly because nobody on the show has met a real woman before. [laughter] Or, and I guess this would be my interpretation, it isn't that he is like romantically interested in her or was in love with her. But she was very important to him and represented, you know, one of the people that I think he wielded the biggest influences on and that touches him deeply. And her quote unquote, fate being that she is, quote unquote, dead at the end of Episode 26 weighs heavily on him.

Caitlin 05:40

But she's not dead. [laughing] Why does he say it? I know that in the episode, it's meant to be a fake out like, Oh, we know, we saw Lady Une die. And then Treize is talking to her as though she's dead so it's really not until the very end of episode 28 that we get the reveal that she's alive. It doesn't make a lot of sense.

Cathy 05:59

So let's address fake outs because there are characters talking in episodes 27 and 28, and I'm not sure if we are supposed to believe that they're talking at the time of the flashback footage being shown to us, or afterwards, right now, in the world of Episode 28.

Kat 06:16

I think Relena's was the only narration that actually seems like 100% anchored to what we were looking at. So... like Treize definitely we hear his earlier thoughts at the beginning and then he explains how they've changed, but with Heero it's just sort of like A, and then B.

Mallory 06:34

Right, when Heero in Episode 27 says, "I don't consider the other Gundam pilots my comrades, I've never had comrades from the start," I have no idea if this narration is trying to tell me that Heero at this point in time currently, after Episode 26, does not believe the Gundam pilots are his friends. Or if he's referring to how he felt back then.

Caitlin 07:00

I under-understood that as definitely he's talking about that point in the flashback.

Cathy 07:05

It is kind of thrown out there. And it seems like by now he would have had so much interaction with these guys, especially at least with Trowa, that it would be kind of wild for him to say that [laughing]

Caitlin 07:18

He considers Trowa his comrade boyfriend, y'know? [cat meows in background]

Mallory 07:20

It was making me laugh because we've been reading this fic, this road trip arc. And it's kind of incredible how much this arc -- and we'll talk about this -- how much this arc and formed my idea of what the Gundam pilots' relationships were or like, their, their relationship dynamics or that they /had/ relationships with each other. So when I read all these fic, I was thinking like, "Wow, I didn't see any of this coordination in the show. Like there are no safe houses in the episodes that I watched. Oh, that like, it's okay, that must have come later." And now I'm later in the series, [laughing] and I'm finding out that actually, they interact very tangentially for the most part, where I was imagining a lot more camaraderie as the episodes progressed.

Kat 08:11

I know in Episode Zero, you were really distraught to learn that it's not like, "let's all five meet up and team up!" ...

Mallory 08:19

Yeah!

Kat 08:19

...kind of anime

Mallory 08:21

I mean, I'm really enjoying where it's going now. And I enjoy the sort of bits of relationships that we're getting and the ways that their personalities bounce off each other. And that's what makes, that's what makes Gundam Wing such a rich field to mine for fic, because you get all of these like, glimpses of what these characters could be to each other, within the canon of the show. And it's really easy for writers like Sunhawk to kind of just like, take them and run.

Cathy 08:52

Yes, so let's talk about Road Trip by Sunhawk. Road Trip is part of a larger, 17 part series called the Road Trip Arc by its fans. We are going to be talking mostly about just the first installment -- which is actually barely shippy. Like there are hints of the relationship that will come to be especially the 1x2 part of it. And the rest of the series is very staunchly 1x2 with background 3x4, question mark with Wufei, which I'd really love to talk about later. But at least in the first part, it's kind of more of a, I don't know if action story is the right word... You know, it starts at some unspecified time in the canon. Heero and Duo are escaping a mission that is kind of going south. They land on earth, on a beach. Heero is badly injured, Duo is you know, kind of beat up but is still mostly functional. You know, he's not internally bleeding and concussed, which is what Heero is. So he's forced to drive them to safety, and eventually to a rendezvous point where the idea is that Quatre and the others will pick them up. But when they get there OZ is basically hot on their heels. So Duo is able to leave Heero, basically in secluded cover, but he has to redirect OZ's attention, which gets him into more trouble. And he almost essentially drowns. So exhausted, pummeled within an inch of his life, he limps his way back to a safe house, again, unspecified location, or why he knows that that thing is there, but whatever, where all the rest of the pilots are staying at. So that's Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei. Heero's already in the hospital, you know, Duo basically passes out. He's given immediate medical attention, including drugs that cause him to lash out and nearly kill everybody around him. But finally, Heero, near death himself, manages to sneak out of his hotel--hospital room to sit by Duo's side, which calms Duo down and the fic ends with them having this really cute exchange about Duo's IVs. So I did want to talk about the landscape of fanfic reading at this time, before we really dive deep into Road Trip itself. Do you guys have any memories, you know, or impressions of what it was like at the time when you first started reading Gundam Wing fanfic?

Caitlin 11:12

I remember that... I'm pretty sure I read this fic on a site that had either an all black background with white text; a sepia tinted background, that was like, you know, like a light, brownish, and then like a sort of off gray text. Because back in 2000, the only HTML any of us knew was how to change background color and how to change font color. You could put one image... They had gifs back then. And I don't, that's probably why my eyes are bad now. [laughter]

Kat 11:45

Yeah, it was either like very weirdly colored websites or really, really intensely over-styled websites, where it like, it's a little pop up and it's butterfly-shaped.

Mallory 11:58

Yeah. And there's like glitter and sparkles when you move your mouse and stuff. I didn't have fast like, I didn't get DSL until really late, like I was a senior in high school. So all of these websites just like crashed our internet constantly. [laughing] It was, it was hard for me to read those kinds of archives and stuff.

Caitlin 12:22

The point here is that these fics were hosted on like, a bunch of different sites. And it was just small, privately run, I guess you could say archives, like it's like it's one person who wants to save all the Gundam Wing fic in the world. Which is actually why we have Road Trip preserved on AO3, Archive of Our Own, which is that it's part of the Open Doors Project where a archivist by the name of Dacia used to run a site called A Little Piece of Gundam Wing, she was really into Duo. She read pretty much every Duo pairing if I recall correctly, like she was really into like all Duo pairings and she started collecting fic from various places where like, she-she wanted to curate like the best fic in her mind. So she would like ask authors, "Oh, can I host this on my site too?" after finding the fic other places and so she collected a bunch of, a bunch of fic. And as probably a lot of us know, Archive of Our Own, which is run by the Organization for Transformative Works, has a program called Open Doors where they will import archives that are closing, fanfiction archives that are closing, or that the maintainers just don't want to maintain anymore. So they maintain, they import them wholesale from the original archive and put them on Archive of Our Own.

Kat 13:49

It's pretty great because there are tons of fic from that time period that I wish I could remember or find or go back and to be able to like even search stuff on AO3 that was on those is great.

Cathy 14:02

So we've talked about this before, but that's where Gundam Wing Addiction is actually pretty funny because they did rescue some of these sites. You know, we talked about the Izumi Fountain District with Alexe Cinz stuff last time, but they also rescued, I want to say it's Lev or Levwolf or something like that?

Kat 14:23

Leviathan's Lair.

Cathy 14:25

The-the Leviathan's Lair. There we go.

Kat 14:26

Ooh, I remember this site. Wow--

Mallory 14:28

Yeah

Kat 14:28

Looking at this site is like getting slapped in the face.

Cathy 14:31

Yeah, I definitely read a lot of fic on A Little Piece of Gundam Wing, which I remember had a lot of text that was like accent text in orange [laughter]. And one of my favorite authors. well, they were an author pair, TB and Marsh, they were hosted on A Little Piece of Gundam Wing, that's where I first discovered them. But same thing with Sunhawk, who wrote two really famous series you know, Road Trip is the first one -- and in my memory, the more famous one although I think some people might say it's the Ion Arc, which I really don't remember anymore.

Kat 15:06

No, like reading Road Trip -- it's sort of like if I didn't read Road Trip, I read a bunch of fics like it, but the Ion Arc doesn't really ring a bell.

Cathy 15:15

Ok, yeah. So it was also the one that was easiest to talk about because the first part of Ion isn't really meaty enough, I think to talk about whereas Road Trip, the first installment is almost perfectly self-encompassing of a lot of stuff. In terms of dates, you know, I cannot find a definitive date of when Sunhawk first wrote and posted Road Trip, the first archive I could find that was still crawled by Web Archive, thank you Web Archive, was from November 2001 on Steelsong, who was another moderator of a large network of websites, a lot of which were Gundam Wing websites and specifically had their own Gundam Wing fanfic archive. By the time that Steelsong had put Sunhawk on their site, which was some time around November 2001, Sunhawk had already written much of Road Trip, she had already written the first six installments, which is a lot of fic. And at that time, at least in 2001, 2002, Sunhawk was writing Road Trip concurrently with Ion. My suspicion is that Sunhawk probably first wrote this on a mailing list, you know, the 1x2 mailing list was a really popular one at the time, and so maybe it was that she first started there and then later got into the archives. But this would mean that Sunhawk probably started writing Gundam Wing fic right after Gundam Wing's run on Toonami in 2000. So another thing I did want to point out is that we are really lucky now that Gundam Wing is available on streaming on Hulu, that there's all these wiki sites that we could basically find all the information we would want. It's possible that Sunhawk did not actually have a way to fact check anything that she was writing at the time. And so you know, one thing I did want to talk about with the fic was this indeterminate canon timeline issue, I don't know when in the series, this was supposed to happen. You know, Deathscythe is called Deathscythe. Much later in the series, Wufei's Gundam is referred to as Altron, which is his second Gundam. But we don't ever get this kidnapping phase that happens in the fic. So I don't know. But then again, I realized when I was Sunawk in 2001, how was she supposed to have checked that? Right?

Kat 17:29

I think also, nobody gave a shit back then. [laughs]

Mallory 17:32

Yeah. Like, it's also sort of like, did it really matter to your enjoyment? Like, you have all the elements of the Gundam Wing pilots and them interacting and the shipping, and like, it doesn't really matter what canon we're supposed to be in because we're already out of, outside of canon.

Kat 17:52

I feel like there were only like two timelines for fic and it was basically like pre-Endless Waltz and then post-Endless Waltz. I never really felt like, even though there's definitely a definitive plot split between, like, from all the episodes we've seen, and all the episodes we're about to see, I never really felt like fic did.

Caitlin 18:12

It's, it's sort of an interesting question in like Film Studies, where, you know, up until VHS, there was no way to really rewatch a movie that you were writing about. So a lot of film criticism and film theory was written by people who had only like, watched the movie once. So there's, it's kind of like a pathology we have nowadays that we can rewatch everything over and over again, so we can get this sort of like perfect timeline, this perfect like, sense of a film. Whereas in the past, like nobody ever watched anything like that. And there are, there are some film theorists nowadays who's still argue for that as like the true model of cinema, though obviously, that's much less prominent now. That, that gets into my whole idea of fanfic as a form of like interpretation, like fanfic is like a type of criticism of the original series.

Kat 19:01

Yeah, absolutely. And the thing that people wanted more of in Gundam Wing was gay shit and safe houses.

Mallory & Caitlin 19:08

Yeah.

Caitlin 19:09

And it's and it's easy to just like put that in. Like reading Road Trip, I wasn't thinking too much about like, where does this fit in the timeline because who cares?

Cathy 19:16

This is a first person POV fic, which in my mind now is pretty rare for big fanfics to be first person POV. But you, Mallory, had noted how much this voice sounded like the dub Duo voice.

Mallory 19:30

Yeah, she has gotten Duo's voice down. [laughs] I think it's just the slang that she kind of throws in there, the sort of casual way that Duo thinks and speaks feels very "of the show." Like I hear Scott McNeil's voice in my head [laughs] reading her fic is how good I think it is. Like there's like a cheesy earnestness in the dialogue of both the show and the fic that I think like works really well and is like really charming.

Caitlin 20:05

And I think that, so I think Duo's voice is very well established and it is at least, I only read the first two parts, but in the second part which is Heero's first person point of view, Duo's dialogue lines are also very strongly Scott McNeil-esque, I felt. I think Heero's voice is a little bit less distinct. One of my struggles with these fics was like, does this read as Heero to me? Like I really wasn't sure. And I'll say with regards to the first person point of view, maybe this gets us on to a different topic, but there are so many things about this fic where if I opened a fic like this now in 2020, I would hit I would hit the back button so hard.

Cathy 20:48

No, I want to talk about this, this is a great topic. I love this.

Caitlin 20:51

So I would never read something with this much violence. I'd always be like, what I don't want to read that, I don't want to read Duo getting beaten up or tortured, or whatever.

Mallory & Kat 21:00

Oh! [laughter]

Caitlin 21:02

I know! I like, I don't, I don't read that sort of fic these days. Like I don't read whump, the ancient genre of whump. [laughs]

Kat 21:10

Oh, whump I guess is like a ancient genre but an everlasting genre to me.

Caitlin 21:15

Yes.

Kat 21:15

Cathy, when you were trying to classify this fic, I was thinking, "this is definitely whump, pre-slash."

Mallory & Caitlin & Cathy 21:21

Yes, yes. Yes.

Mallory 21:22

At least part one is pre-slash.

Kat 21:24

Yeah

Caitlin 21:25

And I would never read something like that these days... Like if it was, it was tagged pre-slash, rated M, and I be like, "but how can it be rated M if they don't have sex?" I'd be like, "no, there's got to be some other reason for this to be rated M, I can't handle it. I need to go back." Like I would hit the back button so hard. And I'd be wrong because this fic is really good.

Kat 21:47

It definitely feels from, from an older time~

Cathy 21:50

Yes, I agree. And I second everything Caitlin said. This fic was surprisingly readable and I know that sounds like a backhanded compliment but what I mean is, I didn't expect it to still sound as good and like something I would see someone write now, but it is. It's still really good, you know the voices are really good, the dialogue are really, is really good. But everything about it screams back button. Like I hated Quatre and Trowa even in this fic. [laughing]

Caitlin 22:19

Oh my god, oh my god [laughter]

Cathy 22:20

[laughter] Even though they do nothing, I hated them. Outside of Gundam Wing I did not ever read whump or hurt/comfort fic, you know, this was just not a genre that I was ever interested in. In Gundam Wing it was almost unavoidable?

Kat 22:33

I was gonna say there's no way [crosstalk]

Cathy 22:34

because of the plot [crosstalk] So you kind of had to--

Kat

especially if you like Duo--

Cathy

Especially if you liked Duo! And then of course all of the little fandom tropes that kill me now about the fic might actually have not yet been as deeply entrenched in fanon at the time she was writing as they are now but--

Caitlin 22:51

True

Cathy 22:51

Certainly now when I read it, I'm like, well, there's the safe house.

Mallory 22:55

Yeah, it's like a checklist almost. Like oh, there's that mention of Duo's hair smelling like sandalwood,

Cathy 23:02

Yes!

Caitlin 23:02

Why sandalwood?

Mallory 23:03

It was always sandalwood and it was always Duo. Duo's hair always smelled like sandalwood..

Kat 23:08

I mean it might be this fic though, like this is The the fic, the landscape of fic reading and stuff, there was just less of it and like the people who are into it are like really spending time to find it and stuff. We're talking about different archives, I read like everything on 1x2x1--

Mallory 23:10

Mmhmm

Kat 23:10

Uh wing-- Shinigami and Wing like and so I think it was like, fanon still coalesces pretty fast now but I think because there's less access to source material too it's like so much easier for it to grow like this, just sort of permeate the entire fandom, not just one pairing.

Mallory 23:48

Yeah, I mean like Kat you were saying earlier you may not have read this particular fic but you have definitely read 10 or 15 other ones that are very similar to it in terms of what you can expect from the action and the characters and the pairings.

Kat 24:04

Duo is gonna get hurt. Heero is gonna be angry over something that he doesn't need to be angry about. Trowa is gonna to be a calm head, Quatre's the kind heart. Wufei I like in this because he's like the friend, the bro, instead of the standoffish fifth guy.

Mallory 24:19

Yeah,

Kat 24:19

so that's nice--

Caitlin 24:20

Yeah. Wufei good in this but he has a better like,

Kat 24:25

Rapport?

Caitlin 24:25

He has more rapport with Duo than Heero does [laughter]

Mallory 24:28

Yes. I was going to say--

Caitlin 24:31

I'm sure we were all in on this but I was side shipping Duo and Wufei a lot. Wufei gave him a bath!

Mallory & Kat 24:38

Wufei gets him!

Cathy 24:40

Do you guys, can I spoil something about the rest of the Road Trip arc?

Caitlin 24:43

Yes!

Mallory & Kat 24:44

Yeah.

Cathy 24:45

So I okay. And I will first give readers this warning, if you do want to read the rest of the installments of Road Trip, there are warnings on AO3 but I must add that there is a significant part of Duo's backstory that deals with rape and trauma and especially rape of Duo when he was very under age so--

Caitlin 25:10

This also something that would be auto back button for me.

Cathy 25:13

Yeah so I have to I have to put in that disclaimer because I don't want people wandering into the rest of the story. Road Trip the first installment is fine but the rest of the story this is, this is a big part of his character so please don't read it if it is triggering. But one thing about Wufei is you find out later he actually has a BIG honkin' crush on Duo and he is almost always--

Mallory 25:36

I must have read this.

Caitlin 25:37

Nooooo!

Cathy 25:37

He is almost always there basically like helping like pick Duo up and like--

Caitlin 25:43

no [crosstalk] this is too sad!

Cathy 25:43

Supplements this like emotional stuff that like Heero doesn't get because Heero has a bad problem

Caitlin 25:49

[agonized] Noooo--

Cathy 25:49

in Road Trip of like treating Duo as like too fragile which pisses Duo off

Kat

That was a common dynamic.

Cathy

He comes to this like realization that he's like really in love with Duo but then he has to shelve it because he realizes that Duo and Heero are soulmates? And so he like, he says he'll be a friend forever and he gives like do this plush dragon. And then the whole thing is it's set up to be eventually a Wufei and Sally Po story? But the very last installment -- that is part 16 of the 16 part series -- is essentially a story where Duo has an anxiety freak out while Heero's away. He calls Wufei over to his apartment, they spend a night together completely platonically. Duo realizes that Wufei is like eaten up inside by something that Wufei won't tell Duo about. And it's like this crush, which all of us know because we all read the part with the Wufei point of view, but like Duo didn't get the memo.

Mallory

Oh my god?

Kat

I picked up on this and I only read one chapter.

Caitlin

I can't handle this.

Cathy

So he's not sure what's happening. And that at the very end, you know, Wu Fei is like basically telling Duo that he doesn't want to start dating Sally Po because he's afraid of like, basically something that like, and he phrases it in a way that makes Duo think he's talking about his former dead wife, but it's actually about Duo. [crosstalk: No!] And Duo says to him, you have to let the past go. And so then Wufei does and call Sally up for a date.

Kat

Okay, that plush dragon thing just lit up eight synapses.

Caitlin

I hate this.

Kat

I have read this fic, 100%.

Caitlin 25:57

It's possible that this is why I got into 2x5.

Cathy 27:32

So I just had to add this here because like, I truly felt the same way. Like I shipped Wufei and Duo was so hard and the more Heero like became this like, super protective like... I like this story, but I don't buy it as Heero characterization. Like I don't think Heero was very convincing. But I do find Duo and Wufei very convincing in the series. [laughs]

Caitlin 27:51

Yeaaah.

Kat 27:51

I think this is a big problem with a lot of Heero fanon characterization at the time, though, because like the logical conclusion of the fanon characterization of Heero is just a huge asshole nobody wants to date. [laughs] When the Toonami series aired, it was like a ton of 1x2. That was it. It was like 1x2, 3x4 blah, blah but I think as fanon crystallized like pairing diversity also increased.

Caitlin 28:17

Yeah, the thing is that I'm fine reading fanfic between assholes that nobody would want to date. That is, tends to be the type of fanfic that I read anyway.

Kat 28:27

Look, I get that.

Caitlin 28:27

So Heero being terrible is fine. The problem is that this fic characterizes him as less terrible than he seems to actually be?

Mallory 28:36

Mmm.

Caitlin 28:36

Like, I don't think Heero is this, I don't think he's this protective. I don't think he's this in tune with his feelings. Part Two, really, like, as some of you might know, I never read established relationship fic, so I wasn't going to continue past Part Two anyway. Even though they have a lot of problems, I'm just like, all right, they already confessed their feelings. I'm not interested anymore. But I just found it really hard to believe that Heero would be able to confess his feelings or even like, recognize love, emotions, or romance that early on.

Kat 29:10

It's the combined problem of he's an asshole who no one would want a date and the fic is still trying to convince me that him and Duo are like really great together in general. So I wrote a lot of Gundam Wing fic in middle school, so I consumed so much of it on [laughing] fanfiction.net and the characterization ended up getting really, really far removed even further removed than this fic from the actual show, I guess.

Cathy 29:35

So one thing I did want to point out, it's less obvious in Part One, but becomes increasingly obvious as you move through this arc is the total lack or mention of Relena Peacecraft. And, and I mean it, she is not mentioned once in this entire fic, which is odd because it goes from middle of the canon through until the post-Endless Waltz and then [laughter] seven to eight years, and seven to eight years after--

Mallory 30:05

Wow

Cathy 30:05

the end of Endless Waltz, which, and again at by the end of this fic series, spoilers, Duo, Wufei, and Heero all work for the Preventers. So it seems very [laughter] weird that none of them would interact with Relena. So like I did--

Caitlin 30:14

It seems like they would run into Relena sometime [laughter].

Cathy 30:21

I did want to open the floor to talk about Relena Peacecraft and her place in Gundam Wing fanfic.

Kat 30:29

Well, so either you're a het shipper so you're, you're, you're doing fine, your Heero is probably very different. [laughter]

Caitlin 30:41

Wait, let's let's be clear that there were a lot of het shippers

Kat 30:44

Yes.

Caitlin 30:44

And they still are there. There was a lot of het shipping in the Japanese fandom too. I think Heero and Relena were popular.

Kat 30:51

Duo and Hilde.

Caitlin 30:53

And the official media that came out was like, oh Duo and Hilde. And, oh Heero and Relena.

Cathy 30:58

Yeah.

Kat 30:59

Relena and fanfiction so you're a het -- you could be a het shipper, so then she's in it a lot.

Mallory

Or you hate her and she's a monster and she's the the thing standing between Heero and Duo falling in love or being together, which I feel like I read a lot of.

Kat 31:15

She could be shipping them but that was way more rare I thought and then like just not having her around.

Caitlin 31:22

So like, from the perspective of the contemporary moment, it looks bad to just not write Relena at all in your 300,000 word fic about characters who talk to Relena all the time. Like it seems bad

Kat 31:38

But!

Caitlin 31:39

but she was so controversial that I could see like I can see the logic of just not including her.

Kat 31:45

And as a reader I, I often preferred that she just kind of not be there be like very peripheral over... like I think at the beginning I really enjoyed the like Relena hating because there's just very viscerally satisfying, but later on, I was like, hmmm.

Caitlin 32:01

The other option is like, write a explainer about why your Heero in your fic doesn't love Relena, he only loves Duo. It just becomes, like, tedious to write that every single fic.

Cathy 32:15

One thing that I was digging up was a lot of Relena hate sites. And one thing we had talked about in past episodes was kind of like hating her because she was this rich girl, she had this entourage, we couldn't really relate to her. And there was a lot of that in why people expressed why they hated Relena. Like she was spoiled. She had everything. She was obsessed with Heero and so she definitely like wanted him as one of her belongings kind of thing? So I think it is one of those moments where now that I've read a lot more other types of Gundam Wing fanfic that I wasn't reading at that time that have, I think, much more interesting Relena characterization, and much more I think realistic ideas about what Heero and Relena's relationship would be like. I think, "God I was so stupid!" but I feel that same way about like everything I was into, right? [laughs] So like, it is kind of humbling and also funny.

Mallory 33:14

Like reading this fic it's about as comforting as like finding your favorite High School sweater, you know, in the back of your closet when you're visiting home and putting it on and finding out it still fits. And it's because it sort of hits all of those familiar tropes that I remember reading, like the use of "Gods" is like--

Kat 33:32

Yes!

Mallory 33:33

punch in the face.

Caitlin 33:34

Why does everyone say gods?

Mallory 33:36

Yes.

Cathy

Everybody!

Mallory 33:37

Okay, and I don't remember, like I remember this being a thing in Gundam Wing fic I don't remember why--

Caitlin 33:43

[crosstalk] Duo was American and was raised in a—

Cathay

[laughing] Catholic!

Caitlin

Catholic. Why would he say Gods?

Kat 33:48

[crosstalk] Yeah Duo would never.

Cathy 33:49

I kind of get maybe the idea of why others would do it if this became like a post colony thing but certainly not Duo.

Kat 33:57

In like middle school. I was always wondering like, "oh, what kind of weird event happened in the future that made everybody until like a polytheist?" [laughter] Like, what kind of world building is this?

Mallory 34:07

Yeah, I thought that there had to be like a reason or is there a rule?

Caitlin 34:12

I kind of thought that just like the people writing fanfic at the time tended to be like pagans. Like, like, that was fine. And they and they were pushing their pagan agenda by having everybody say gods.

Cathy 34:22

No, I, I, 100. That's 100% my theory.

Caitlin 34:25

that's what I think it is.

Cathy 34:26

So I mean, Sunhawk was one of the older writers at the time, but I think a lot of the people who were archivists and writers at the time were older, she was probably at least I want to say in her 30s. They're usually older, some of them are Wiccan or pagan and a lot of them were very interested in like education and sort of like bringing up the younger members of the fandom. So Sunhawk specifically, like had a personality who was like very educational? I'm not saying that that's why she did particularly this "Gods" thing, but I do think that that was like part of the general dismantling of monotheistic--

Mallory 35:01

Christian god.

Cathy 35:02

Yeah. So the last thing I want to talk about in terms of this fanfic is all the five pilots working together, coordinating pickup and rescue missions.

Mallory 35:11

Rendezvous points? How are they in contact with each other?

Cathy 35:15

And they all appear to have like similar missions? Like, it seems like Heero and Duo were on this mission together instead of what we see in the show, which is that they don't...? Again, I think I just love this idealistic view of the Gundam pilots where they're all not just friends, but also comrades in arms.

Caitlin 35:33

Yeah, I mean, this makes more sense than what the show does, which is that on the show, it's always, oh, they just happen to run into each other on the same mission. And they're like, oh, who are you? Why do you have the same Gundam as me? [laughter]

Mallory 35:47

We shouldn't be fighting.

Caitlin 35:48

But Quatre's the only one who says that everybody else is like, let's blow each other up.

Cathy 35:53

We joke a lot about how this podcast is basically us questioning the internal logic of Gundam Wing, like why would anybody do this thing where they just sent five teenagers without any knowledge that there are four other of them and just be like, here you go.

Mallory 36:07

Complete a vague unspecified mission.

Kat 36:10

I feel like fanfiction really made them way more competent. Like there's literally that whole scene where the doctors are like, "You guys fucking suck. You're not the perfect soldiers at all." [laughter]

Mallory 36:21

"You don't know anything."

Kat 36:22

And then in fics it's like Heero's like, "I'm the perfect soldier. I know everything!

Mallory 36:28

"I must be the perfect soldier."

Caitlin 36:30

Oh, yeah. Like they all seem to be much better fighters than they are in canon.

Kat 36:36

Yeah

Caitlin 36:36

I feel like in canon Wufei is the only one who does his job. And in fanfic, it seemed like they were all doing jobs.

Kat 36:43

Trowa's maybe just doing his own thing.

Mallory 36:46

But he's doing A Job.

Caitlin 36:47

Yeah, clowning. Trowa's job is clowning!

Kat 36:50

Everybody got way more trauma than Quatre did in fic even though the show is like here's Quatre's biggest trauma.

Mallory 36:58

You know, that's very true.

Kat 36:59

Which didn't even show up in the clip show.

Caitlin 37:02

Yeah, it also doesn't really make sense that Quatre's always this really sane one in fanfic when he's the main one we've seen in canon go apeshit.

Kat 37:12

Reading this fic and then watching the clip show, I was like, damn, like Wufei/Treize/Zechs was like it's, a whole ass universe. And it's just like, one scene in the first 27 episodes. [laughter] But what a scene.

Mallory 37:27

Such a good one.

Caitlin 37:29

I think that it's important to note that Sunhawk passed away last year, and so we could consider this episode our very weird tribute to her.

Cathy 37:37

Yes, in 2019 in March, there was a post on Sunhawk's LiveJournal, by her daughter, who had become in Sunhawk's words, essentially somewhat of a fandom secretary for Sunhawk, noting that if you are reading this entry, now, it means that she had passed away, she had been diagnosed with cancer, like in 2015, she said four and a half years ago from the time of the writing of the entry. So Sunhawk, beginning in 2007, did a tradition where every year for the 12 days leading up to Christmas, she would post the ficlet, or fanart inspired by her fics, usually 1x2 related usually an excerpt from or like a special scene or bonus scene from one of her stories about Duo and Heero. And she continued that tradition even up until 2019.

Kat 38:25

Oh wow

Cathy 38:25

So prior to that she had actually queued up 12 Days of Christmas for 2019, which her daughter posted. And the very last story actually was a coda for the Ion arc, which was left unfinished and her daughter finished it for her. And if you had the chance, and of course, we'll link to this, I really highly recommend you read the goodbye post from Sunhawk.

Caitlin 38:49

It's, wait, it's really good. Can I read just a little bit of this?

Cathy 38:51

Yes, please.

Caitlin 38:52

Before I shuffle on off, though, I would be remiss if I didn't address the fandom that I have called home for almost two decades. To everyone, thank you, I realized that we aren't as large as we used to be that the heyday is over. But I've enjoyed being here and writing for you all. And there is one thing that I've learned through all of my years, and all of my time with the fandom that I want to share that I think applies not just to our little corner of the internet, but all fandom. Write it, draw it, sing it, create it, share it. We all start somewhere. We all start with works that are horribly out of character. We write tropes that have been written up million times before. We all stare at blank canvases unable to get the lines down in a way that we want. And we all scrap ideas that we feel just aren't good enough. But a fandom lives because of the people who produce for it. And by those who come to read and view. Yes, maybe that 500 word drabble in which two strapping young men are trapped in a remote cabin during some horrible weather event and there is only one bed, isn't your best work. But what about the work after that, or the one that follows? With each creation you learn, you polish yourself, you grow. Never stop yourself from growing. Never let others stop you from growing. Share the stories you have in you. Post your heart -- Post your art, because at the end of the day life is too damn short to spend not doing something you love to do. To all of the Gundam Wing fandom and all of my friends, I want to again say thank you, reading my work supporting me talking with me, you've made my stay here a pleasant one.

Cathy 40:21

I find it really heartwarming. And one thing that I did for this episode is I went back and I read some of Sunhawk's first LiveJournal posts in 2002, when she started her LiveJournal, and even in the comments to people who were, I don't think close friends of hers, you know, just fans, she was always extremely, you know, encouraging and welcoming, and always told her fans that they should just write, you know, even if they felt like whatever they did wasn't perfect or wasn't in their words going to match up to what she did. She always told them just write it. Coming to Sunhawk and realizing that she'd spent two decades in a fandom that I think a lot of us considered dead and she was still cranking out work there and like encouraging people and being loving in that fandom, it just is it's like everything that one hopes one span that experience will be like and how they'll be remembered when they leave. Well, I want to thank you guys for joining me on this episode where we talk about, you know, Sunhawk and fanfic and being really young and on the internet with dial up. I really, you know, appreciate all of your memories, which are also my memories. And together, we'll keep Sunhawk's spirit alive. Write it, draw it, sing it, create it and share it. Thank you very much and see you in two weeks.

#gundam wing #mobile suit gundam #mobile suit gundam wing #Anime Podcast #anime nostalgia #90s anime #episode 14 #transcripts #untitled tallgeese podcast

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ruwithmeguys · 5 years

Text

I was asked recently: do you enjoy writing for ll as much as you do for Felicity? You write Felicity like you can hear her thoughts. But then you go and write ll’s character and you manage to keep her IN character without making her bitchy and without pulling her to bits. Do you like writing for her?

Beyond being hugely flattered – SO FLATTERED, MY GOODNESS – and mildly sceptical – I’ve never thought I was anything special in terms of writing ability but I do love keeping characters IN character whilst placing them in new situations – I can answer with complete confidence that, yes. I like writing for LL’s character.

I like knowing just how skewed her perception is. I enjoy writing that perception because in many ways, it’s incredibly indulgent. In reality, no one who wants to be loved and who wants a family should think like LL does. It’s a point of view that’s singular and therefore, interesting. But after writing for her, I truly don’t think the writers knew what to do with their creation, and she was a creation. Just because her name is LL doesn’t make her any less of a creation than Sara. Comic LL? Well, she’s married to a cop; ergo the name Lance. This cop is abusive. Her personality is also very different and she isn’t a lawyer. The writers tried very hard to make LL morally perfect but destroyed it when they realised she’d have to compromise said morals to love Oliver. So they gave her a set of standards that no one could reach and yet had her break them every time Oliver was mentioned. However instead of showing real guilt or shame or SOMETHING that would enable her some character progression, they replaced it wit superiority. It made her a selfish character who were supposed to believe is the opposite.

But you see, well written characters – characters with substance, who aren’t there for a plot purpose but as a defined personality on a show – can be selfless and still do selfish things. They can compromise their integrity and still be morally righteous. They can be good and yet see the virtue in violence.

I give thee Felicity Smoak.

Now KC did her own damage to LL in S1 – she was very determined to make her into something she wasn’t too fast because she clearly believed this show had been created to turn her into a mask wielding superhero who’s better than everyone. But the writers are the main problem – them and the exec’s at CW who threw an actress at the show because she had a contract with them. She was SO not right for the character, but they didn’t care. She’d starred in Supernatural so her name had merit.

(just a hypothetical: if Emily had been cast as LL, would she have possessed the skill to portray the character in a way that could make us like her? I think so, though the writers made this obscenely hard with their contradictory writing. Most would have a lot of difficulty. Still, I’m almost certain that if she HAD been, Oliver would have married the BC: a BC a foot shorter with pretty blue eyes… you know like in the comics *eye roll* Her COMIC BOOK fans ignore even the comic book details.)

ANYWAY!

It’s kind of fascinating really: I made sure to watch the episodes and ingest everything about the characters I write. I don’t always do this and it’s been a while so it’s time for a re-watch (any excuse really) but a few things became incredibly clear once I started. I have a few of Felicity’s habits: I talk to myself in tangents of weirdness and get flustered/blush super easily. I’m not a genius by any definition (mostly I'm a gigantic dumbass) but I wear glasses with my hair in a ponytail and I’m not generally the first person seen in a crowded room so to speak, plus I overthink/second guess everything I say. Like Oliver, I blame myself for everything and worry too much. I’m more solitary than most. I want to save everyone but have no idea how to. I love deeply.

I don’t love easily.

I’m not like Olicity. But when I write, I sort of become them. Or I attempt to. I feel my way through each scene and it becomes quite personal, which would explain the sentence breaks where I intermingle thought and movement with descriptions and speech.

Then I started writing for ll… now, I like to remain unbiased when I analyse a character. I don’t like ll. I don’t appreciate the way she was written in any season – I’m referring to E1 LL, E2 I’ll talk about later – nor did I enjoy KC’s horrific portrayal. It’s no secret, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be fair to her character.

I came up with three literary explanations of her character and this is one of them: the medium between the other two, from ll's point of view (please remember I am at work and therefore cannot write as well as I would like) -

She’s ordinary. Totally ordinary. A normal person who lives, works, eats, sleeps. We can empathise.

She’s part of a nuclear family and she knows her family loves her. She loves them. They’re not a perfect family but they are a good one.

She has an over exaggerated sense of how attractive and intelligent she is, exacerbated by how many people have told her that she’s smart and beautiful. She knows because she’s been told: she’s never questioned her looks or her intelligence and it’s the start of all the bad really. It was reinforced by becoming friends with the two richest kids in the city.

So she’s never had a reason to doubt herself. Not ever. There’s nothing in the world that ever could.

As for how this affects the story:

Through illogical and extremely unlikely circumstances – never explained for two reasons: it wasn’t important enough to the writers and they wrote themselves into many a corner with ll’s character as they tried to fit her into a universe that didn’t want to house their forced creation – she became good friends with Tommy Merlyn and Oliver Queen.

Oliver Queen makes her do the one thing she’s never done: doubt herself.

Surely she’s pretty enough for him to choose her. Smart enough. Good enough. Strong enough. Enough. She’s ENOUGH for him. They fit each other. He’s the Romeo to her Juliette. She’s aiming high and look, he’s right there: her partner along the way to the top. Her partner and her WAY. Her financer. Her ego boost. Her meal ticket. Her proof that she’s ENOUGH. Her proof that she’s relevant. That she’s BETTER-

THAN. HER. SISTER.

Because, gosh: LL’s world is dictated, her entire sense of self validated, by the existence of Sara Lance. I kid you not. I found this in the show… and it should make you feel sympathy for her. Should make you care. But she destroys our ability to give a crap because of how she handles everything with her sister.

Sara, who is daddy’s girl.

Sara who Oliver keeps leering over and not the older, better sister.

Sara who her mother sides with all the time.

Sara with the multitude of friends.

Sara with the better body.

Sara. Sara. Sara.

Why? Laurel does everything right: she follows the rules, does as she’s told, has become the role model. How does Sara keep BEATING her?

Is it… because Sara takes what she wants and gets away with it? She takes other people’s boyfriends - Laurel’s seen her do this (Arrow S1.5 comics) - she swindles her father for more allowance, her mother gives her free reign over the phone line… she’s selfish.

Well then, so shall LL be.

Suddenly Sara’s grounded-

And it WAS the right thing to do, Sara was too young and she didn’t want her heralded as a slut so soon. Ollie wouldn’t want anything to do with her anyway, but the way she throws herself at him is embarrassing, right?

-And the ‘Ollie Express’ is open season. He says yes. They have sex. Now she has him. She’s wanted by Ollie Queen and he’s settling down for HER. No one else and certainly not Sara. She’s beaten Sara and she’s assured a future for herself. His mother adores her. She fits in.

She can breathe freely again.

And Oliver, he’s so much more than people think: he’s sweet and kind- so what if he’s not that smart, she’s smart enough for the both of them. He’s reliable and honest. He makes her feels beautiful and wanted. All is right in the world. No matter what happens, she’ll always be the one who became Oliver’s first real girlfriend, because she’s special to him. She’s SPECIAL. She’s what he-

Except he’s having an affair behind her back.

With Sara.

Sara who she’d beaten.

Sara who isn’t as smart or as pretty or as EVERYTHING as LL.

Sara who’d gotten on a boat with her boyfriend.

She’s humiliated, but more than that… she’s confused. It’s nonsensical.

She’s everything. She’s perfect. She’s the ONE so… Oliver was happy. He was ready to move forwards with her. Why did he do this? Why does Sara keep beating her? She’s BETTER than Sara.

She’s better than all of them.

If they can't see that, see her... then why do they matter?

And then the realisation: she’s hard done to. She’s the scorned woman. She’s the one betrayed. She’s the one who’s grieving. She’s the one who deals with it in the best way. She’s the one who’ll walk out of this on top.

Oliver and Sara lost at sea? That’s nothing. NOTHING. She’s the one who got hurt and she never deserved it. They should have respected her. Should have loved her more. Ollie deserved to die at sea.

And so… an impetus is born: it generates into an unbreakable mind-set, separated from reality, one that we have to put up with until she dies. Literally.

Narcissism. It’s almost a disorder.

And it’s in the most impossible form: she sets a deliberately high standard for the world to attempt to reach and she gets to watch from up high as everyone tries to touch her seat. A standard that everyone must follow EXCEPT her. If anyone fails to meet it for whatever reason (and they always do), then they fail her expectations and therefore they fail her (this was admitted by KC herself, just fyi). They’re no longer good enough.

But she is though. She’s the ONLY one good enough. She loves her family, but she’s better than them. They’re all liars and stealers and selfish – Sara – betrayers – mom – neglecters – dad – cheaters and disappointments – Ollie – and unworthy – Tommy.

She doesn’t need them, not ever. How could she when she’s better? How could they ever meet her wavelength? How could they ever understand her mission, her heart, when they can’t meet her at the top?

But then her father, who can’t appreciate her because he isn’t capable of seeing her the way he should, makes her feel GUILT about her choice to be a DA.

Uh oh. Suddenly; she doesn’t sound righteous. She sounds like she’s becoming a lawyer for money-

NO. no, LL doesn’t do that, right? She’s better, so she can’t. She can’t fall beneath her FATHER’S set of standards because her own are so much better and she doesn’t have to meet her own because they’re for everyone else on the planet who are undeserving and have yet to face her justice. No one can outrun her justice, her standards.

Except herself.

But her father’s seen something in her, something twisted. The call of money and power and status and it’s a filthy thing isn’t it? Greed. Lust. Covetous.

She becomes the expert at coveting what others have, even as she judges them.

But she has to hide the filth: she’s better than her demons because she judges even them. Her father knows nothing. He doesn’t see her, so how could he? She’ll help him see her.

She joins CNRI to prove him wrong. She’s the pure one again whilst her father’s the alcoholic who can’t get over the daughter who left instead of adoring the daughter who stayed. The daughter who fights.

She sleeps with Tommy because she can, because she’s needy, because he’s Ollie’s best friend; the closest thing to the man she loves and hates and no one need ever know the notch she tied that night to her bed post.

Ollie did it with Sara after all. He could have had the bed post instead of just the notch. He died before he could realise that.

But it happens again and again for months and she has to admit, it’s thrilling aiming down. Obeying an urge for once and she needs the release: getting a job with CNRI immediately after law school instead of the requisite two years in a firm is impossible, but not for LL. Still, it’s tiring and it feels unrewarding, which is why she also needs the ego boost. She needs the validation, that it isn't all for nothing.

This way, she’s both fucking her past goodbye and giving it the finger.

She stops once she gets the job. Stepping stones, all of it. She doesn’t need Tommy, doesn’t need her father, doesn’t need law school anymore because she doesn’t obey the rules like everyone else HAS to.

When Oliver returns, she ignores him. He should have died: it was his punishment for forsaking their happiness.

He can’t touch her anymore; he can only watch from afar. She likes him watching. Likes him seeing exactly what he lost and can never have, what he destroyed.

Sara died because of him.

Her father became a drunk because of him.

Her mother left because of him.

She had to sleep with Tommy because of him.

All whilst he sunbathed on some island somewhere. And look, he doesn’t have to work to earn a living: he’s loaded. He doesn’t have to fight for anything, doesn’t have to strive or push like she does-

She’s envious. And she misses him. And if she misses him, he must miss her. They used to be so happy-

Wait… He suffered on the island?

He was punished?

If he suffered… does that mean he learned from his mistakes and that’s why he apologised?

He earned his stay on the island so maybe… he’s earned the right to forgiveness?

Suddenly he’s too tempting. She could have him again: he’s telling her she could. Oliver Queen, playboy billionaire, learned his lesson and wants her.

Of course he does.

She’s the best woman alive.

It’s the biggest ego boost of her life; a wave of chemicals that carries her away, that makes her kiss him. That scares her because she thought she was strong enough to not ant him again. EXCITEDLY because if he’s also the vigilante who went to HER for help-

But then… he reveals that he’s damaged and still a playboy and she has to retract once he fails her standards again.

A damaged man who won’t pursue her? Not her problem. She’s not interested. That man isn’t her Ollie. She'll check in again when he isn't quite so damaged.

Yet, even as Tommy worms into her, she keeps Oliver in mind.

It truly stuns her when he gives them his blessing. He… he was supposed to want her, to show reluctance.

Why does he look happy for them? She’s not.

He’s giving up the chance of them, and he’s SMILING?

How can he be? Doesn’t it torture him? She’s choosing his best friend over him, FEEL SOMETHING. FIGHT.

But he doesn't.

And he is changing, improving. Making waves - she’s taking notice.

So let him date lesser women, they won’t last and they DON’T.

HAH.

In the meantime, she’s fighting crime. The vigilante NEEDS her – he hasn’t asked anyone else for help: there’s only her. Tommy loves HER. Ollie loves her. Her father keeps butting in because he’s afraid for her safety and he’s realised just how prominent a figure she’s becoming, how important she is, but he’s too late to have a say in her life and he must watch her advance.

It all revolves around her now, as it should have before. She's the lead of her own story. They’re all realising how right she was, how they never should have put her second and not first. How they should have never made her feel less, and it’s ridiculous how she ever let them. They were all wrong.

She was made for greatness.

And then Ollie tells her everything she already knew about herself and it’s a king-size aphrodisiac: he thinks the same way she does. He knows she was always the best, always the ONE. He’s reached her level. And together they can soar above all others. They’re in love and will evolve and will lead the city into the future together. It's all slotting into place.

But he’s not her; he’s not righteous so she can ignore him when he gives her solid advice about staying out of the Glades. He’ll learn that she knows better, is better. That the world makes way for her and not the other way around-

Tommy dies.

It’s not because of the way she thinks. It's not because she was wrong. It’s NOT.

It was his choice, not hers. She doesn’t have to listen, but he should have. She never wanted him to come get her, she was waiting for Oliver.

And Oliver does come to her apartment: they reminisce. They’re together and that’s all that matters, so she starts planning. He’ll move in with her, there’ll be a marriage and move into the mansion-

Ollie leaves.

Again.

He left. He LEFT. HE-

No, she IS his ONE and ONLY. SHE IS. But the Hood and Malcolm ruined everything. It’s their fault Tommy died, that Ollie left. It wasn't because she was wrong or that she wasn't/isn't enough.

Their fault, not hers.

So why… does she feel guilty?

She knows really, but she pushes it back, away. Admitting to it would irrevocably damage her belief system.

And… she’s always right. And because she’s right, she leads a righteous charge against the hood, because it’s all his fault. Tommy died, ollie left, she’s feeling guilty and she keeps drinking- it’s all someone else’s fault!

Except it’s not.

It’s hers.

She'd been wrong.

Her world view crashes in on itself.

Nothing happened the way it was supposed to. She has no defence because she should have never needed one. That’s what being superior means.

Drugs and alcohol. How the mighty have fallen. No one can know… but even if they do, it doesn’t matter because she’s allowed to grieve like this. It’s grieving. Not shame. She's allowed to drink and change and be self-destructive. And everyone else doesn’t get it, they aren’t being fair.

Tommy dies.

Ollie left again.

She loses her job.

Her best friend gets a position as DA, well she’s not her best friend anymore: how dare she achieve greater. Johanna was supposed to help her, not step past her. Instead, LL is left behind and if her friend won't help her, then what good is she? She doesn’t need Johanna; she doesn’t need anyone.

She’s stronger. Better.

But then Sara comes back…

Sara died. It was her punishment. She’s not serving her punishment anymore. And she's come back, looking like she'd been on a six year pleasure cruise. That isn't fair at all. She’s unworthy. She ruined LL’s life. Her death was justice. How can the source of all her problems be alive…

And beautiful

Vibrant

Intelligent

Attractive to Oliver

Beloved by her father- her father who turned against her again in favour of Sara

Sara who went through the worst and resurfaced out untouched. Clean. As if SHE IS stronger, better. More.

How can I be like that?

She can’t.

Somewhere, deep down… she knows she can’t.

And she’s humbled by Sara who made her see how much she’d fallen… and for now, Sara can be the better of the two. She can pick up the slack and LL can watch, proud of her baby sister. She can give herself a break and compare others to her sister. Measure them by Sara’s measuring stick.

But it won’t be long at all until she’s BACK. Until she’s just as bright.

Until she’s better than Sara.

Until Sara needs her.

Until her father needs her.

Until Oliver needs her, because he stopped looking at her when she fell from on high.

She wants to return, to be part of that world.

But Sara is killed before she can become as beautiful. And it’s so clear that becoming as beautiful is impossible for LL. It too hard to digest that Sara is gone: Sara, the perfect fruition of a Lance daughter. The perfect her. The version of her that LL wished she'd been. So she’ll take on the mantle to honour Sara…

And in becoming Sara, she’s able to be more again. Be better again. Get back on that high saddle once more and she’s missed it up there. It feels right. It feels REALLY good. She’s been watching and learning… and her covetous nature had never died. She can’t be as bright as Sara.

So she’ll just become darker. A better Canary, never mind that canaries aren't dark.

She’ll wear Sara’s suit but she’ll be more. She’ll own it and make it her own, because this was always meant to be. It was never supposed to be Sara.

SHE is the justice you can’t run from.

This is the world she was made for. Oliver’s world. It was meant to be. So what if he’s angry at her presence: it’s because he cares about her, because he loves her. She'll fight him for a spot. He let Sara fight with him because he didn’t love her as much, but he loves LL too much. That’s why they aren’t together. Sometimes it’s just too painful to risk.

And it’s the best therapy. No more drugs. It’s addictive and it’s painful, but it’s better than anything else- in fact, it’s better than sex. Better than Oliver-

Oliver… Left?

With Felicity?

Because… he just wants her. HER. Out of everyone. He’s casting aside the hood… for another woman.

He and ll: they're supposed to fighting together, THAT’S how this works.

Then it’s just a phase. He’ll return and fight and realise he can’t live without the hood. He can’t without LL.

Except it’s not working, her fighting. She’s not changing the city so much as watching over it. She’s not moving forward. There’s a void.

There’s no more Sara.

She needs Sara. She needs Sara more than Ollie. The world made more sense with Sara. She might be the BC but Sara showed her the way. Her compass is gone. Her light is gone. And now LL is lost. If Sara’s back, she’ll feel better. There’ll no more void. No more emptiness. And maybe her life can WORK again.

And it’s okay, because she needs it. It’s okay to use Thea, because they’re friends and LL is loved by all. It's okay if disturbing the dead because, she wants it badly enough. It’s okay that Sara kills someone because it’s for the greater good: it’s for LL.

And with Sara alive somewhere, Oliver being with someone else doesn’t feel so bad. They’re soul mates after all, maybe one day…

And then he and Felicity break up and it’s PERFECT: no more Felicity in the basement, they don’t need her for him to stare at and Sara is alive. Oliver is TRAINING her. HE needs HER. Trusts her. LOVES her. WANTS HER.

So she suggests sex and-

He… is totally unreceptive. Isn’t… remotely interested… isn’t even remotely forward.

But… he’s in love with her and no longer tied down to Felicity. This should work. It’s been leading to this, right?

She has it all: she’s queen of the basement, Felicity is elsewhere and it doesn’t matter – so what if Thea isn’t talking to her, if Sara is out of the country. She and Oliver will fight crime together and maybe he’ll learn to love her again. Maybe he’ll-

Never. Love. Her. Not the way she loves him.

Because there’s just NOTHING there for him with her. He's alone even when he's with her and she knows what that's like.

Maybe he never could reach high enough to her again.

Maybe he knows he’ll never be good enough…

Or maybe... she’s just that conceited and Felicity… Felicity is just THAT wonderful, that necessary to him because she is, isn’t she? She was there when LL wasn’t:

Felicity believed when LL didn’t

Felicity cared when LL didn’t

Felicity led him to places LL couldn’t

Felicity is, in many ways, stronger than LL and Sara combined and that truth stings

Felicity changed him without trying to

Felicity made him better… and ll can already see the cracks in him where Felicity’s absence has hurt him.

Without Felicity, Oliver will fall: LL's presence won't stop that.

Without Felicity, the city will crumble… because in the end, ll’s just a tiny pawn in a huge movement that she hasn’t contributed much to and she admits this finally to herself and to Oliver. The dirty truth.

It was all to feel alive, not to SAVE lives. It was all for her. But that doesn’t mean she’ll just let Oliver live without her because it’s thanks to her that he got on that boat: she helped create him! She’s responsible. She’s the ALBATROSS and she will never leave him. She changed his life forever: she left her indelible hand-print: SHE IS IMPORTANT DAMMIT.

The most important.

FLATLINE.

The end.

O_O

Yeah.

There's a less harsh explanation for LL:

She’s defensive due to the bad way she was treated after believing that her life was perfect, to her own detriment. She doesn’t have the kind of personality others can enjoy and rather than try to gain friends, she decides to simply be herself no matter how she comes across.

And there’s a much harsher explanation:

LL, at heart, isn’t a very nice person. She knows this so she builds an image that opposes the inner her. Addictions make her feel better about who and what she is, but they also help her to manage the stress of being, inside, the kind of person who doesn’t feel the empathy she should. There's an image to maintain so that no one knows the truth. Becoming a vigilante is more about how it feels to break rules and gain the kind of power only a mask can provide, than it is about helping people. In the end, she’s able to gain that vindictive pleasure of knowing that Oliver will never be without her. And every version of a canary has caused Oliver nothing but grief which is fine… because he broke her. Deep down, she just wants to be bad without being judged for it. Without facing consequences, which is why black siren fit the bill so much more than E1 LL ever did.

Again, this is just an opinion and a bit of fun when writing fanfic-

Anyway, Jessica's shutting up now because that’s enough out of me for one day. Back to work.

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fandomboy15 · 6 years

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Shiro and Keith are parallels of Aang and Katara

I’ve never done anything like this before but this popped in my head and thought it would be fun to write. Okay so for a long time now we’ve seen people comment on their ships and how they parallel other shows, the most common that i’ve seen is The Legend of Korra. However Voltron creators Joaquim Dos Santos and Lauren Montgomery also worked on Avatar the Last Airbender, with JDS joining in season 2 and LM in season 3. After seeing screenshots and watching season 7 episode 1 it made me think as a whole how the relationship of Shiro and Keith parallels close to that of Aang and Katara. This is just my own idea and people can disagree if they want to but this is my own personal interpretation. Also would like to add that people can ship whatever ship they want as all ships are valid in fanon, and again this is my own idea of what could happen in canon. So let’s start by analysing Aang and Kataras relationship and how it then parallels Shiros and Keiths.

1) The brother complex: One of the biggest things people use to discredit Sheith is the use of the brother line. People often use this to call Sheith an incestuous ship and that it means nothing else. I feel like i have to say that it’s obvious that they’re not actually brothers due to multiple reasons, such as season 7 episode 1 showed them meeting for the first time as well as confirmation that Shiro never knew Keiths dad and Krolia upon meeting Shiro never referred to him as her son. Instead the brother line in my opinion is more used to confirm either one of two things. One tumblr blog called ‘Arahir’ mentioned that Keith uses the brother line as a way to ignore his feelings as he saw Shiros relationship with Adam and didn’t want to get in the way of Shiros happiness. Or alternatively the brother line is more Keith mistaking his own feelings as in season 6 episode 5 he also says I Love You, confirming that Keith does love Shiro which shows how deeply they’re connected.

In ATLA Katara once referred to Aang like a little brother and in another episode as a good friend. This automatically doesn't mean that these two characters are related or their friendship discredits them ever being in a relationship, its shows that their is a bond between them with a mutual level of respect and care for one another. As well as the fact that feelings develop and change over time as Katara learned to stop viewing Aang as a brother and started to develop real feelings for him which eventually them to be in a relationship at the end of the series. This is what I see happening with Sheith which I will go into more detail later that it is a slow build, it’s not going to happen until the end as their feelings are still developing and growing in that Shiro and Keith are learning to realise their true feelings for one another go deeper than that of a friendship.

2) The Mentor / mentee relationship

In ATLA we can see this with Aang and Katara. When these two first met Katara was fascinated by Aang and the fact that he could help her learn Waterbending. Katara soon becomes a master and eventually becomes Aangs Waterbending master to help him reach his full potential as the Avatar.

This can be seen with Keith and Shiro, as Shiro became Keiths mentor and helped him get into the Galaxy Garrison as Shiro believes that Keith has a lot of potential and wants to help him reach it. In both of these ships I feel like it signifies the the mutual level of wanting to help one another and support and lift each other up to do the best they can, which we know was a problem that Shiro had in his relationship with Adam. (also I feel bad but i’m not trying to hate on Adam at all but based on what the creators of the show said and what happened in the episode with him it does portray him in not the best light but I think he’ll be an interesting character to know).

Also would like to add in this part the age difference. With the introduction of Adam it makes sense that Shiro would not have had feelings for Keith pre-series for a couple reasons. Number one is that it would be pedophila which is not okay at all and also is something that people use to discredit them since its not true nothing romantic happened between them before the series began. Number two is that Shiro and Adam before they broke up, which people are seeming to ignore, where in a loving relationship and Shiro doesn't seem like the kind of guy to be eyeing some-other guy, especially one that is about seven years younger than him in the pre series. Also by the start of the series we know Keith is 18 and with the two years on the space whale and the fact that a year has passed since they’ve been in space it puts his age at 21 and Shiros age to 25-26 which is not that big of a difference and it further help show that they are two consenting adults.

Also on another note to signify their closeness and support of one another is the parallels of dealing with responsibility and how the mentor helps the mentee. With Aang he never wanted to be the avatar he just wanted to be a normal kid, but Katara is the one who helps him realise the responsibility he needs to take on in order to save the world which she does by supporting him and eventually helping him master waterbending. This parallels Sheith as Keith had to deal with the responsibility of becoming the future leader of Voltron and it was Shiro who helped him realise his potential to be the leader that Voltron needed.

3) You saved me:

“You Saved Me”

“You saved me”

“We saved each other”

This is another parallel i found interesting is how both they are saving one another. The first image was Aang realising Katara saved his life after he was shot by Azula, and the second image was Shiro grateful for Keith rescuing him. That ones interesting since it was more Allura saving Shiro by being a magical USB haha, but it shows that Shiro thought more of Keith saving him. Also it was so cute how Keith never once let go of Shiros pod because he could never leave him.

Also holding the other in their arms there was a parallel for this as well.

Katara holding Aang after she revives him.

Keith holding Shiro after he wakes up.

Not even reaching they are literally holding each other the exact same way, if that ain’t a parallel then I don’t know what is. One cradling the other in their arms after being hurt really bad.

“You’re Okay”

“You Found Me”

Fuck my heart hurts i love them all so much. We stan two people holding each other and in love aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

4) Its a slow build relationship: With Aang and Katara their relationship was a slow build between them falling in love with each other. You can see how Aang obviously has a crush on Katara but it eventually turns into love and Katara slowly falling in love with Aang as the series progresses. They didn’t immediately become a couple even though they kissed three times before the end of the series they still needed to grow as characters and eventually fall in love.

As for Voltron many of the cast and crew have also talked the show being a slow build. It’s the reason why characters like Lance haven’t had a pivotal arc yet because it takes time to properly set up these characters and how it affects the story. With Keith and Shiro their relationship has also been a slow build that I feel like with Kataang won’t happen until the very end of the series. But yeah this was kind of short but also I just feel like we need to be patient cause it yields focus, get it haha. So yeah just based on everything that has happened between these two I can just see it slowly growing more and more from friends to eventually boyfriends and then husbands cause if Shiro almost got engaged once so he’s gonna do it again. I feel like since Shiro and Adam broke up he probably needed the time to find himself and wheres a better place to do that in space, and eventually Shiro is slowly growing more and more in love with Keith, and as for Keith he also needed to find himself and I think him spending those two years with his mom really helped him grow and become the leader that Voltron needs him to be and now he can focus on other things... like Shiro.

5) Other characters to ship them with:

It’s not really a secret that a part of the Voltron fandom has been about shipping and a lot of times it has turned toxic which is stupid because people should be allowed to ship whatever they want. This also happened in the avatar fandom with the ship war of Aang and Katara vs Zuko and Katara. This was a really big deal and there was a lot of people who shipped Zutara and were not happy when they didn’t end up together .

In all honesty since I think that Sheith parallels Kataang then I believe that Klance parallels Zutara. Again I am not hating on Klance this is jut my opinion (it’s funny i act like people will actually read this) but with Klance and Zutara they are similar in that they're opposites you know the whole red/blue contrast, fire and water, ones cool headed and the others hot headed. To me thats how Klance is they started off not really fond of each other but they have had moments which has led to a friendship and trust between the two similar to that of Zuko and Katara. But also with Sheith like i’ve said in this whole post is that its slowly building up to a romantic relationship just like Aang and Katara and even JDS mentioned and its on the official Voltron twitter that Shiro will have a stronger relationship with Keith, i mean like seriously the only place that they're relationship could possibly be stronger is if they start dating, in my opinion thats the only way it can become stronger with them both admitting how much they love each other, but again I don’t think this will happen until the very end because once again its a slow burn and it takes time to build up even more.

Also another parallel that I can imagine is comparing Shiro and Adam to to Katara and Jet. Obviously Shiro and Adams relationship was more serious than Jet and Katara, but I do see a parallel in their relationships. Katara wanted Jet because she thought he was this amazing person but of course his true intentions were shown and he tries to convince Katara that he is right and that her opinion is wrong. This is similar to Adam in that I don’t think he is a bad guy just that he doens’t truly have what Shiro wants at heart and I feel like when we meet him in season 7 it will be similar to when Jet returned in season 2 of ATLA where it was awkward but eventually they’ll make up but won’t get back not because Adam will die like Jet, but because Adam just isn’t the one and Shiro has found someone who truly supports and accepts every part of him, *cough Keith cough*.

6) Earthly attachment:

Okay so we in ATLA there was an arc for Aang where we could learn to control the avatar state. However in order to do so he would have had to let go of his love for Katara as she is what bounds him to the earth. However Aang is like nah fam i love her and then leaves. Eventually he gets his avatar state powers back but basically this shows how to Aang, Katara is his entire world.

Now while there hasn’t been any spirity parallels between Sheith I can see the parallel of them being the one that ties the other to the earth. The first comes from Haggar in season 6 where she says that Keith and Shiros bond runs deeper than any of the other paladins showing how much they mean to one another and that literally their fucking connected on a spiritual level. The second example comes from another blog which you can find here:

http://acekeith.tumblr.com/post/176132479409/a-little-vent-post-about-whats-been-bothering-m

Basically they talk about how in season one when the paladins focus on their important memories, and in it Shiro doesn’t think of Adam because they broke up and Shiro doesn’t see him as being him home anymore, instead Shiro thinks of the Kerberos mission and the rocket which is where he took Keith to say goodbye to him showing how Keith and his dreams of being in space is what is most important to Shiro.

Also on Keith’s side we can see how important Shiro is to him back in season 2 i think when Keith was fighting the blade of mamora. in this episode we learn that Keiths greatest fear is Shiro leaving or abandoning him. I feel like this says that Keith can literally not live without Shiro as he is the only person in his life that he truly cares for and feels love for.

Also speaking of spirit magic i do have a headcanon that something like this could happen, cause of how they said the white lion isn’t done with Shiro so what if Shiro tries to gain cool powers from the white lion but he’d have to let go of Keith but he can’t do that, my heart would burst but this is just a headcanon though I would love it if that were real.

7) Flustering mess: I saw this and thought it was a funny parallel that i wanted to include.

Aang literally becoming a mess at the sight of Katara wearing a different necklace.

Shiros gay panic when Keith came back older and hotter. They are both actual messes when they see their baes looking good.

So maybe this is a really interesting theory or maybe i’m just crazy. But honestly i loved making this I thought it was really fun to see the parallels between two of my favourite shows ever and two of my favourite couples ever. If people can think of anymore parallels then let me know. Also again please don’t hate me on this just wanted to share my own opinion of this and am not trying to invalidate any other ships as people can ship whatever they want. But yeah I just really love Sheith and pray to god everyday it becomes canon haha.

#sheith #voltron #voltron legendary defender #shiro #keith #vld #aang #katara #avatar #avatar the last airbender

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akatokuro · 6 years

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The Inevitable STS Rewatch, Episodes 1-6

seiya and saori do in fact own and are the best, both separately and together

- finally started rewatching saint seiya proper, because i am locked in an endless hell. it's actually really interesting to see what a strong, cheeky, "normal" personality seiya had before falling in love with saori utterly broke his brain

- he’s such a smug fucking brat it’s amazing. i’m pretty sure half our comments during the first couple of episodes amounted to “SEIYA YOU LITTLE SHIT”

- i legitimately half forgot that seiya’s entire motivation at the beginning of the series was reuniting with his lost sister, which tells you something about how seiya’s priorities completely transform as his brain melts from his growing obsession with saori

- that's not to say that seiya’s personality went away or anything, more that it, along with everything else, winds up flying out the window for seiya where saori gets concerned. dude is gonna stab those fucking babies for her

- god i also love saori so much. saori is the fucking BEST. i'm really, really compelled by seeing how legit cold and even hateful she was at the beginning. utterly ruthless and doesn’t give a single fuck. she's going to regret that so much but by the time it hits her how fucked up this all is, it's too late

- it’s sort of fascinating how well camoflauged seiya/saori is in terms of it being the hero/heroine pairing. a first time reader/watcher really wouldn’t be sure what to make of saori. it feels plausible she could turn out to be the villainess at the beginning, because oh man she is awful and it rules

- as mentioned before, there Is No Saint Seiya Canon, so i will be mixing and matching from versions of the anime and the manga both as i please as far as what appeals to me or makes more sense to me. sorry, crystal saint, you don’t fucking exist, but also the bronzies are not related. deal with it

- i prefer the anime version of saori only discovering she's athena later in life, honestly, but that makes me curious about her exact mindset in that scenario about carrying out her shitty, horrible grandfather's will in torturing these kids and making them fight in a tournament

- SEIYA/SAORI IS THE BEST god i love them so much they're so fucked up

- also, i would really love to see a revised version of saint seiya where camus existed from the beginning (as opposed to being pulled from kurumada's ass literally the same week he was introduced). all i could think about in the bits with hyouga (asides from laughing at failswan) was "oh, i bet camus taught hyouga about the hydra lore! aaaah i bet that was so cute!" "uh, shouldn't camus be here when hyouga is getting his cloth...?" "CAMUS WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING CUT OFF HYOUGA FROM HIS MOM, JESUS YOU STUPID SOFTIE ASSHOLE" netflix you better step up

- and yes, the first thing that came out of my mouth when hyouga showed up was “FAILSWAN!!!!!”

- also legit started screaming when shun first showed up. SHUNNNNNNNN i also honestly love him to pieces. good luck with your stupid, stupid boyfriend for the rest of your life, shun!!!!!

- GODDAMMIT LADY SHIRYUU WOULD HAVE BEEN SO AWESOME AND PERFECT. FUCKING NETFLIX YOU FUCKED IT UP SO BAD

- GIVE ME MY LADY SHIRYUU/SHUNREI YURIS AND LADY SHIRYUU THROWING HER CLOTH ASIDE LIKE A FUCKING BADASS YOU ASSHOLES

- shiryuu and shunrei are so fucking sweet. they do a great job selling how much they care about each other. shiryuu is very attentive to her even throughout his dumb shounen deathmatch

- i'm just going to keep imagining shiryuu as lady shiryuu this entire fucking hundred+ episode rewatch and fume endlessly about being denied this and the adorable as FUCK yuris opportunity

- GOD A MATCH LIKE THE ONE BETWEEN SEIYA AND SHIRYUU BUT BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN WOULD BE SO RAD, THOUGH. TANTRUM TANTRUM TANTRUM!

- i may or may not have shrieked with laughter with ikki showed up

- seiya's PUNCHING method of saving shiryuu's life is the goddamn funniest most ridiculous shit ever but i also legit liked the character moments for shun and hyouga it created, okay

- seriously would have been the COOLEST fucking lady aaaRRRRGHHHHHH

- SHUNNNNNNNNN SHUNSHUNSHUNSHUNSHUN

- i am surprised but pleased to see that the hyouga/shun train actually kicks off this early on. there’s a ton of details i legitimately forgot or didn’t pick up on way back when when i watched the show for the first time

- saori’s facial expressions and reactions as this all played out are amazing and fascinating. both her being stone cold as even fucking tatsumi is like “uh, maybe we should stop this before someone gets killed?” but her later reactions in this set of episodes where we do see her melting into concern and relief when things turn out okay.

- saori is legitimately horrible to the others at this stage in the story but it’s something she’s convinced herself, or rather has been raised all her life to believe, is necessary and a sign of legitimate strength. she’ll unlearn that slowly but it will be extremely painful for her the rest of her life, sadly

- PHOENIX IKKI IS HERE MOTHERFUCKERS AND HE'S SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS

- ah yes. let's make this one the girl. what an incredible, progressive choice

- although that whole sequence was pretty fun in its way because shun legit felt like the protagonist. lol at him not being able to recognize ikki at first because ikki was wearing the funniest sunglasses in the world, though

- between shun and his babby crush on camus though hyouga Definitely Has a Type as far as guys are concerned

- (that type being: beautiful, strong, kind-hearted... deeply depressed? hmm.)

#rewatching sts #aquarius camus did nothing wrong

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willag42 · 6 years

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Yuri!!! On Ice Fanfic Recs with Reviews ["P” Authors]

Note: Doing some major reformating of the YOI fanfic rec pages. The pages that include my reviews are now having the posts separated alphabetically by author (see below). I am also creating separate page(s) that allow filtering the fanfics by category. It's a work in progress, but I'm having fun with it.

This page includes my YOI fanfic recs (with reviews) for authors whose names begin with "P".

Note: For any authors whom I don't know the gender, I refer to them with they/them. If any authors wish to correct me, please do so.

AUTHORS REC PAGES: #0-9 -- A -- B -- C -- D -- E -- F -- G -- H -- I -- J -- K -- L -- M -- N -- O -- P -- Q -- R -- S -- T -- U -- V -- W -- X -- Y -- Z

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Refer to this masterlist for all of my YOI fanfic recs.

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Phyona (@rageofthenerd)

The way Phyona writes the interactions between Yuuri and Victor are some of my absolute favorite. She writes them as good-natured rivals, always ready to compete against one another; as both coach and both student, willing to direct and support one another; as best friends, willing to tease and goof off with one anther; as lovers, passionately invested in one another; and as soulmates, completing and fulfilling one another. She is amazing at writing both comedy and drama, switching between moods and creating the appropriate emotional gravitas. But her stories have positive messages about growth and becoming stronger together.

Nerve Endings

Rating: Explicit Words: 74.1k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Canon compliant; Post-season 1; Domestic fluff; Anxiety; Miscommunication; Learning to relationship ❤❤❤❤❤ Summary: When Yuuri moves in with Victor in St. Petersburg, they have to work through Yuuri's anxiety and Victor's secrets to find their balance. ❤❤❤❤❤ Review: This is my favorite post-season 1 fic where Yuuri and Victor learn to live together. This is a story of their interactions off of the ice and how they inspire each other to be better people and boyfriends. Their interactions are awkward but eager at the beginning, and slowly they learn to work through their issues and grow closer emotionally and sexually. One of my favorite parts about this story is when Yuuri has an anxiety attack and almost convinces himself that Victor doesn't love him like he loves Victor, but he's able to work through the negative thoughts and recognize that it's in his head and that he doesn't deserve to think of himself like that. I really like how he is able to work through it himself, which I think is a powerful message. I recognize that this isn't necessarily possible for all people. We all need help at times and sometimes can't work through things by our own power, and that's why emotional support and medical science are so important. But don't discredit how much you can do yourself. Yes, Yuuri is an anxious bean and he can't help his brain chemistry, but he doesn't let it rule or excuse his decisions. He learns to accept and empower himself for both Victor and himself. I love this sort of hopeful and powerful message.

Puppy Love

Rating: Teen Words: 10.4k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Canon divergent; Dog Yuuri; Curses; Dead Makkachin; Hurt/comfort ❤❤❤❤❤ Summary: When Yuuri gets turned into a dog, the last place he expects to end up is Victor Nikiforov's apartment. He learns quickly that the only thing worse than being his idol's pet, is watching him pine for someone else. ❤❤❤❤❤ Review: A wonderful oneshot that is both humorous and sad. Victor is suffering the loss of Makkachin and becomes attached to puppy Yuuri, and Yuuri simultaneously wants to hide from Victor and emotionally support the man through his grief. The story is charming in how these two become closer in this weird situation that does eventually correct itself. And they have an appropriately awkward yet happy and honest interaction at the end.

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Piyo13 (@piyo-13)

Most of Piyo13's stories are fluffy short stories, about 50/50 Victuuri and Phichimetti. All are appropriately sweet. Her wraiths pinned to the mist is a longer fluffy story where Yuuri and Viktor are scientists in Antartica. Her meatiest, and my personal fave, story is a series that takes place in an alternate canon universe where everyone has daemons - external physical representations of a person's inner self. She's currently written three fics in this universe, and I look forward to whatever else Piyo13 writes in it!

hollow ground

Rating: Teen Words: 40.9k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Canon divergence; Daemons AU; Gold medal ending ❤❤❤❤❤ Summary: There's no rules regarding where a daemon has to be in relation to their skater, only that they aren't allowed on the ice. This has always seemed a little unfair to Yuuri. After all, he loves skating like he loves his own soul; why can't he have both? ❤❤❤❤❤ Review: There are several things I love about this story. First, the daemons are adorable and help enhance the story and character scenes without overpowering the characters we already know. They're given their own character without taking up the spotlight, which I feel is the best way to write OCs. Second, despite it being an alternative retelling of the series, every scene feels fresh. Piyo13 is selective about which scenes she covers from the anime, avoiding only retreading over what's familiar. The scenes are altered enough with the presence of the daemons to help them feel new. Additionally, she doesn't let the scenes drag, capturing Yuuri's thoughts succinctly and with wit, and then moving on to the next scene. Even better are the original slice-of-life scenes Piyo13 added to further develop characters and relationships. Moments between Yuuri and Phichit talking over chat (about more than Victor) that delve into their friendship; a moment after JJ's flopped SP where Yuuri helps JJ become motivated again; a moment at the end where Yuuri's parents tell him how proud they are and he thanks them for their love and support; and then all of the new moments between Victor and Yuuri, like when they first start practising pair skating. Third, and probably the best, the last few chapters fix all the major grievances I had with the anime's ending. (Note: If you don't want anything spoiled, stop reading right now). Yuuri gets the gold medal; Chris and Otabek end up on the podium with him; Yuuri and Victor's decision to return to the ice doesn't feel rushed (they return to Hasetsu before discussing their decisions); and, most importantly, Yuuri's decision to return to the ice is only influenced by his own realization that he loves it and that he doesn't want to stop what he's had with Victor just yet. It's not debased or obfuscated by rivalry, when Yuuri's main character arc was always that he's his own worse enemy. The series also includes two side stories: a falling star can't fall forever, a prequel about Victor and Vasilisa; and life's not a paragraph, focusing on Chris. Overall, this is an amazing story.

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possibleplatypus (@possibleplatypus)

possibleplatypus has recently started writing fics for this fandom. They've posted two on their AO3 account and have a few more ficlets and one-shots at their tumblr. I would love to read whatever else they bring to this fandom given the quality and creative storylines they've already brought to the table.

a song that never ends (Series, 2 works)

TECHNICAL SUPPORT Rating: Teen -- Words: 18.8k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: Research had needed a new field-tester (they always needed new testers, as most Aurors would “test” an artefact only once before screaming to be reassigned), and thus the most decorated Auror in recent history was currently shouting into a modified “smart phone.” Viktor was quite certain that phones were not alive, so he did not understand how they could be intelligent. He found that when it came to Muggles, it was best not to think too deeply into things. “THIS IS NIKE,” Viktor bellowed into the thin, rectangular case. “CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?”

movie night Rating: Teen -- Words: 2.5k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: However, they had barely started Howl’s Moving Castle before Yuuri wondered if he had made a mistake. "What a fascinating concept! What spells do you suppose Howl is using to keep his, er, moving structure up?" Viktor refused to call it a "castle." A terrible mistake. ❤❤❤❤❤ Words: 21.2k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Harry Potter AU; Aurors; Crossdressing ❤❤❤❤❤ Review: In this series, Yuuri and Viktor are both badass Aurors during a moment of downtime at the beginning of the story - Viktor forced into being a field-tester for the Research Department, and Yuuri recovering from his first, long-term undercover mission. What's really unique about this story is Yuuri's situation and what lead to it. He has taken on a new persona to help ease himself back into his life. Yuuri is amazing and adorable no matter what gender he is, and here he is both. I love how comfortable he is as a woman or a man and how his mannerisms change (and remain the same) across the two. There are a lot of misunderstandings during the first half of the fic - Viktor slowly falling for "Yukina", who reminds him of another Japanese man he was charmed by a year before - but eventually Yuuri opens up completely to Viktor and they become partners. So, so wonderful and sweet! The 2nd fic is a cute, little side-story after they've become partners, where Yuuri tries to show Viktor a Miyazaki movie... and proceeds to regret it once he realizes Viktor's one of those people who must always question and/or nitpick a movie out loud while watching. Haha. The ending where they re-enact an early scene from the movie is horrendously adorable though.

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powerandpathos (@agapaic)

Excelsior by powerandpathos (@agapaic)

Rating: Explicit Words: 77.4k Status: Work In Progress Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: (Mostly) Canon compliant; Except homophobia exists; Post season 1; Pair skating; Lesbian OCs ❤❤❤❤❤ Summary: Yuuri has won the Grand Prix, which was everything he thought he wanted. But for Yuuri, an end to skating could mean an end with Viktor, and when two female skaters approach them with an offer that could make them or break them, they are put to the test more than ever. Can they rise higher than they already have? ❤❤❤❤❤ Review: Another "homophobia exists within the canon universe" story that is still unique and interesting with how it handles the characters. Yuuri and Viktor are approached by a pair of female lovers who want to do a pair skate with each other at an official ISU competition, and they want Yuuri and Viktor to be their pair skating partners to get them to that point. Yuuri is an idealistic activist who never even really knew he was one until given the opportunity to make a difference. He can be a bit ignorant, following his heart on the matter and not fully understanding what he's sacrificing until in the thick of it and starting to be overwhelmed, but he's brave and kind and his heart is in the right place. He can be a bit preachy when it comes to Viktor's choice to support from the sidelines, but still loves him and tries to find a middle ground. Viktor is the pragmatic realist on the other hand, knowing that supporting this endeavor will cause him to lose his prestige and gold medals. Initially he's insensitive about Yuuri's choice, but eventually agrees to support him but in ways that won't cause him to sacrifice his hard-earned legacy. It's not that he doesn't believe in the cause, but rather he's not willing to give up that much. I personally enjoy this taken on Viktor and find his opinion a valid one, even though Yuuri's lines up more with my own ideals. Eventually, he does fully join and support the cause when things become more personal, but before then is a lot of struggle between the two to find middle ground and maintain a supportive relationship. It's a realistic struggle that I'm certain many couples can sympathize with, and I appreciate the story for going there. This story's greatest strength is the real-life issues, struggles, and reactions these characters face, and yet their desire to continue to support, fight, and love one another. It's a really great story that I hope powerandpathos decides to continue again some day in the future.

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proantagonist (@borntomake)

Drive

Rating: Explicit Words: 28.1k Status: Work In Progress Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Canon divergence; Road trips; Post Sochi GPF; Fluff; Feels; BFFs saving the day ❤❤❤❤❤ Summary: Yuuri remembers the Sochi Grand Prix banquet. He knows what he had the audacity to ask his idol, but that doesn't make it any less confusing when Victor Nikiforov shows up at Nationals two weeks later with a bouquet of roses in hand and a smile that doesn’t fool anyone. Victor has lost his drive and should be prepping for the European Championship instead of flying to Japan on a whim. After a crushing defeat at Nationals, Yuuri is in the midst of a crisis himself. Good thing they have their best friends – Phichit and Christophe – at their sides to keep them from falling apart. When Victor learns Yuuri must return to Detroit to finish college, he makes a rash decision to come to America with him. But why rush the journey? There's more than a week before classes start, dual existential crises to escape, and a budding romance to nurture. Time for a road trip. (A story in which two sets of best friends road trip across America together.) ❤❤❤❤❤ Review: Man, we aren't even to the road trip yet - we aren't even back in Detroit yet - and I'm already in love with this fic. proantagonist writes some of the best character interactions across all YOI fanfics - between Yuuri and Phichit, Yuuri and Victor, Yuuri and Chris, etc. And I am already so strongly invested in all four of the characters here. Chris' advice is halting Victor from his most unintentionally harshest commentary. Phichit is providing the emotional support that Yuuri needs at this time. And Victor and Yuuri are forming a connection earlier due to their friends' support. The latest chapter is my fave - they've pretty much had the entire beach scene conversation from episode 4, Victor has opened up about feeling lost at this moment in his life, Yuuri has an anxiety attack and snaps out all of his frustractions, Victor meets him in the middle, and they agree to help each other through their rough patches. Everybody is so supportive and wonderful, and I love such positive relationships. It's a sped-up version of their relationship from the anime with less miscommunication issues. And while I can definitely appreciate a slowburn, sometimes you just want to avoid a repeat of the same scenarios or the miscommunication tropes. That doesn't mean that there isn't a potential for more angst or miscommunication (I mean, there's always this fic's version of "Let's end this"), but everything is at a pretty healthy point currently. It warms my heart. And the roadtrip aspect just has the potential for so many more warm, supportive moments. I can't wait for more!

Winter Song Universe (Series, 2 works)

Winter Song Rating: Explicit -- Words: 156.5k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: Yuuri was aware that at some point — a moment in time he couldn’t quite place — Victor had become his boyfriend. There wasn’t a single instant when it happened. It was a slow awareness, as if Victor had silently been asking the question for months now, and Yuuri had been giving him the answer a little more with each passing day.

Falling (Victor's Story) Rating: Teen -- Words: 69.7k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: "What do you want me to be to you?" "I want you to be yourself." And wasn’t that just the funniest thing? This whole time, Victor had been trying to figure out which mask to wear to make Yuuri happy, when all he wanted was for Victor to take it off and show him the real person beneath. ❤❤❤❤❤ Words: 226.1k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Canon compliant; Post season 1; Scenes between episodes; Fluff; Smut ❤❤❤❤❤ Review: In a lot of ways, I consider this the essential companion fic to the series. The story takes care to be true to the canon material while fleshing out the characters and their relationships with each other more. It doesn't spend time rehashing what we already see in the series; instead it focuses on fleshing out the scenes between the episodes and after the end of season 1. The story mostly focuses on the developing romance between Victor and Yuuri and has a lot of very well-written smut and emotional hurt/comfort scenes. For those perhaps confused by some of the characters' actions or motivations in the series, this story provides one potential interpretation by a fan who has extensively written and thoughtfully considered many potential headcanons on her tumblr. It's clear she deeply cares about the characters to spend so much time analyzing the series. She takes a lot of care to remain faithful to the series, while still fleshing out the Victuuri romance. It's a beautiful story.

#Victuuri fic recs #YOI fic recs #P authors

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calistapledger · 7 years

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The Thrill of First Love

A/N: This actually takes place before the reaction fic but it was still a work in progress when I posted the reaction. I’ll post a masterlist of all the pics in chronological order tomorrow. Props to anyone who can guess which fave book character inspired Cal to become an inventor (hint: the character is from a beloved children’s book series that became Netflix series recently). Tagging @isabellafaulkner, @ariciaeast, @debbieker and @evadne-leventhorpe beause I know they loveee reading about Calystair.

I settled in college perfectly well. The workload was rather intensive but I knew what I was signing up for when I sent in my application. The experience was made even better when I was given the most helpful professors who were willing to go over the lesson again after the class in case I missed anything. I had easy going acquaintances but never anyone to truly open up to until Eurus showed up. Yes, Eurus Ledger, my annoying little brother or best friend since birth. It really depends on my mood.

I had finished a successful term and I was all ready for my second term. I breathed in the fresh air of the college campus as I made my way to my Creative Writing class. Engineering was my major but it didn't hurt to deepen my love for my hobby. I was minding my own business when I heard a loud thud slump next to me.

“Hey sis.” Came his sultry voice. Did he really have to use the flirty tone with me? I jumped in my seat before turning to his direction. “What are you doing here?” Wasn't he off parading as a model? He came close enough to show off his grin and I pursed my lips in a tight smile. “Mom and dad said that if I was gonna be a model I’d have to get a formal education for after my looks fade.” He fainted dramatically on my lap. What a baby. I rolled my eyes before pulling him up.

“Okay...that doesn't explain why you're here.”

“Oh please, you aren't the only one who got Mom’s brains. Besides Angeles Uni is near where I work, Cal.” He scoffed. I raised an eyebrow. “Where exactly do you work?” “We aren't called the Angeles Angels for fun, sis.” Have I been so caught up with my life here that I've completely shut out my brothers? He must have caught the guilty expression I wore and chuckled.

“I forgive you, sis. Let's get together for lunch to catch up. Now pay attention, class’s starting.” New friends can be nice but there’s nothing like reconciling with your best friend.

Lunch had another surprise awaiting me. Eurus and I walked laughing over Zephy starting a food fight in school. Father had turned red as a fire truck when the school called him up. Seems like Zeph is going a rebel phrase. I was laughing and the next thing I know I'm in Aly’s arms. His aftershave was always too prominent for me to ignore. He kisses me and I hear Eurus making a gagging noise. Real mature, E. In retaliation, I stuck out my tongue in his direction. I smooth over Aly's shirt and grin up at my boyfriend.

“This is the best surprise. How did you manage to get off work?”

“There's only a few girls left in the competition so security isn't as tight as it used to be. I managed to get Emory to cover for me.” Trusty Emory, he was Aly’s second in command and always reliable. “I also realised it's due time that we went out on a real date.”

I gasped, I’d been so busy with college that I didn't realise Aly and I hadn't gone on a real date. Before I could excitedly agree, Eurus cleared his throat behind me. I internally groaned. I did promise him that we'd catch up during lunch. I turned to smile at him before going back to my boyfriend.

“I promised Eurus we'd have lunch. Aly, this is my kid brother and best friend, Eurus. E, this is Aly, my -” “The guy who ruined your chances of becoming Queen.” My brother sneered. “Excuse me?” I was completely caught off guard. I didn't know E cared so much about the Selection. “You could have had a better life, Cal.” I have never heard my brother be this upset before, it was unnerving to see him so. I could tell Aly was too stunned to say anything, his breathing was all messed up.

“I am having a better life! Dominic would have probably stuck me in that cage in a prison of a dress, playing shadow to his rule! Here I'm with the man I love and going to Uni, something I never thought possible without Aly and my friends suggesting it. So don't you dare talk to him like that, E.” I was seething. It was not fair to Aly to be yelled at just because Dominic was a douche and I didn't like him. Eurus could only scoff bitterly.

“That doesn’t mean I have to like this one.” “His name is Alystair and you will treat him like a person but I understand. I owe you lunch so I’ll meet you at the cafeteria.” I waited for him to be out of earshot before turning to Aly.

“I’m so sorry he did that, it completely blindsided me.” I giggled softly at the pun, “Pun intended. I’ll meet you after lunch, alright?” I kissed him goodbye and headed off to find my brother. Lucky for me, E caught me as soon as I made a pass for the cafeteria. I loved being independant and all, navigating the campus on my own but sometimes it was nice having someone to guide me around.

“I’m not going to pretend I’m not upset with you. That was completely uncalled for, I thought you thought the Selection was a joke?” Was the first thing I said to him when we sat down. I knew he was rolling his eyes. “We all saw how happy you were at the Palace. And to throw it all away for that guard, was a waste.” I narrowed my eyes at him when he spat out the word ‘guard’.

“Being a guard is not beneath you, Eurus. In fact, they are a caste above you, you will do well to remember that. I did not throw it away for a guard, why can’t you believe that I’m truly happy? You know what, I thought I could do this without being furious with you but I am. I need to cool off. Let’s take a raincheck on this lunch.” With that, I stormed out of the dining hall. The nerve my brother had to act this way. I exited the campus, and always there when I needed him was Aly, waiting for me.

“I knew you couldn’t talk to him while you were still upset. Are you okay to go on a real date?” He pulled me closer to his side, comfortingly. I leaned in gratefully and nodded. I just needed to be whisked away and pampered today. I knew I could trust Aly to do just that. We got into the car and next thing I know, I hear waves crashing against the sand. I have never heard a more lovely sound at the moment. The sea breeze hit my face as soon as I stepped out of the car. I inhaled deeply, taking it all in.

“Now I know you can’t see how lovely the water looks but I know how much you love the sound of waves crashing and the smell of the sea. So I thought the beach would be a perfect place for our first date.” I practically tackled him with my hug. I thanked him over and over before kissing him all over. We giggled as we clumsily made our way to a table he had someone set up for us. I felt extremely fancy, and couldn’t stop grinning.

“Hello, I’m Jeeves and I’ll be your personal waiter for the day.” A personal waiter! He really shouldn’t have. Once Jeeves was away, collecting our drink selection, I pounced on Aly.

“You shouldn’t have spent so much on me!” He slipped his hand on top of mine, sneakily. “I wanted to so don’t protest. Just enjoy it.” I huffed before giving in. Jeeves brought us our drink selection; I opted for cider while Aly settled for red wine. Then came out a full course meal, I could barely keep up. They were hard to keep track of so I just focused on the most important thing: My date.

“How do we go about this? This isn’t exactly a proper first date, we know so much about each other.” I asked, I didn’t want to royally screw this up like I did my last first date. He reached out and rubbed my shoulder, comfortingly.

“Hey, relax. It’s just me. And you know I’ll definitely be more interactive than your last date.” We laughed at that. I wondered how my friends were faring, being in the Elite. Half of us managed to get in and I was so proud of them, I just hope Dominic wouldn’t break their hearts. I thought about what Aly and I could talk about when it hit me.

“You just lit up, what brilliant idea do you have now?” I heard the smile in his voice. “I realised you only know so much about me is because of all the media exposure I’ve gotten from the Selection. We’ve never really talked about your life before the palace. I only know you were a Five and you played the violin. I’ll be honest, I pegged you to be a pianist.”

“A pianist? With these hands?” He snorted as he splayed out his fingers towards me. I took them in my own hands and fiddled with them “I happen to like these hands, thank you very much.” I stuck my tongue at him before continuing, “Well, tell me more! I want to know all about your life.”

He was quiet for a moment and I could hear the gears turning in his head. He was probably putting it all together in his head coherently.

“Where do I even begin?”

I can tell you firsthand, Alystair Ajax Costas has had an interesting life. His Grandfather is the Royal General and his Mother was Major Anya Costas, next in line to be General after the General retires. Before that could happen, Anya fell in love with Aly’s father, Ajax. Of course General Costas didn’t approve of the match, seeing that she was a Two and his father was a painter, a Five. Anya didn’t care for her father’s opinion and ran off with her lover. She became a Five and soon had Aly, Alice and later Ambrose. I didn’t even know he had a brother until now. He simply chuckled when I relayed this to him.

He was raised in a loving household full of art and music - his mother picked up the piano soon after marrying Ajax. So I was right about him having pianist fingers, it was literally in his blood. At some point in his youth, he became fascinated with the Royal Guards and his mother eventually revealed to him that he came from a long line of Royal Generals, Majors and Captains. Immediately, he was taken to living up to that dream and begged his mother to take him to see his Grandfather. Long story short, his Grandfather was too happy to see his grandson and offered him a position right away. The General never really forgave Anya for her life choices but they were civil now.

“Within the next five years, I’m looking to be Major Costas.” That was a wonderful life story and I was completely enticed.

“Oh, that was a treat! I want to know more! How did you decide that you wanted to play the violin instead of going into arts?” “How did you know you wanted to be an inventor?” He countered, teasingly, “It was a gut feeling, although I always knew I was meant for something bigger.”

“You’re wrong, it wasn’t a gut feeling for me. A favourite book character inspired my want to be an inventor and with Uncle Ro, it all fell into place.” I finished the last of my dessert and propped my elbows up on the table, resting my face on my fists.

“Now tell me more about Ambrose! I can’t believe you never told me about him.” “He never came up.” “You could have just been, ‘Hey, this is Alice, we have little Ambrose back at the mansion.’” I dropped my voice really low to mimic him but failed miserably.

“I do not sound like that!” He grinned goofily, I could tell, his voice lightened up but then continued to tell me more about his brother. Ambrose dabbled in both music and art. He was a painter and photographer; he usually melded the two mediums together, and played all sorts of instruments beautifully.

“He’s gay as well so we can set him up with Eurus, if that would earn me brownie points.” I froze momentarily at that statement. Aly seemed to notice and froze with me. “Did I say something wrong? I didn’t mean to offend you.” “What are you going on about, you nutter? I’m pansexual, remember? I’m completely fine with gay people, it just never occurred to me that Eurus could be gay.”

“Ah.” With that one word, I could tell how relieved my boyfriend was.

“It makes sense.” I shrugged and we moved on. Eventually we were done with our meal and getting to know one another for the day. We decided to call it a day. We stood up and I sincerely thanked him for a wonderful date. He kissed my hand like a perfect gentleman in response. I simply rolled my eyes and pulled him to me.

When we kissed, it felt like the very first time. My chest was exploding with fireworks and I felt completely at home. He smelled like the sea breeze that had washed over him during the last few hours we spent at the beach. He tasted of chocolates and I couldn’t get enough.

“Now, that was a proper thank you.” He laughed when we pulled away. “Take me out more often. There’s more where that came from.” I winked at him.

#selection oc #Fic #Calystair #The Thrill of First Love

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