#i love making khun miserable can you tell

[deiaiko]

Hang on, we will find a way out

@jusalilweird asked for angst and I shall deliver. Happy birthday <3

[hallowpen]

I'm going to try my best to get through this without making myself emotional... even though, I know, I will fail miserably.

I really want to focus on the symbolism and language used in this episode, which means pointing out some differences between the Thai language vs. the English subtitles... otherwise the cultural meanings don't really come through as obviously.

It's important that we go into this episode with a Thai lens... specifically one that is influenced by the time period and its royal customs. Please keep that in mind as I discuss certain scenes and characters.

The word that Princess Patt uses for 'engagement ring' is แหวนแทนใจ (pronounced 'waen taen jai'). While it absolutely could be used interchangeably, I would personally translate it to mean what we would call a 'promise ring' in English... which is considered in Thai culture to be a pre-engagement ring.

I've spoken before about how Prik helping to facilitate the relationship between Anil and Pin could have severe consequence. Princess Patt is clever in the way she gathers information from Prik, but Prik cannot lie once she is found out... and her status as a servant to those ranked above her has never been more clear.

The language used in these two scenes, in particular, is super important!!!

Both Princess Patt and Lady Pin speak very formally toward one another to indicate the seriousness of their conversation. You will have heard Patt address Pin as "Khun Ying" (คุณหญิง) and Pin address Patt as "Than Ah" (ท่านอา).*

The word ปล่อยตัว (pronounced 'ploi tuua'), which Princess Patt uses to describe Pin's actions... In this context, means 'unrestrained' with the implication of being promiscuous. Pin calls herself ชั่วช้า (pronounced 'chua-chaa') which means 'immoral/sinful' as pertaining to going against the precepts of Buddhism... in this case, exhibiting sexual misconduct.

The actual Thai translation of Princess Patt's third line is "I wished for you to grow up elegantly as a lady should be."

A lot of Patt's dialogue can be read as telling Pin to 'know her place' and to 'know better'. But it's also significant to note her emotional reaction and her tone... because what she is telling Pin could, very well, come from a place of having lived through her own 'karmic punishment' for the feelings she held for Princess Im. We can see how Patt would be led to believe that coveting and loving another woman who does not rightfully belong to you is 'immoral' and would, therefore, end in karmic tragedy.

This leads right into:

Again the English translation is a little off here. Princess Patt says

"Is the person you love someone you'll ever be able to hold onto? Have you forgotten who she is? Most importantly, she is a woman, no different from you."

Another mistranslation: When Pin is forbidden from seeing Anil, she pleads with Princess Patt to "Please, have mercy on me." Pin has always been agreeable to the rules and discipline set out for her. She has never once asked for special favor... until now. Pin prostrating at Princess Patt's feet is sooo significant; that Pin would rather beg to never be separated from Anil than to simply accept her aunt's order speaks volumes. Because while it may seem as an act of submission, it's Pin's way of conveying how much Anil truly means to her.

This scene 😭😭😭 Prik addresses Pin as คุณหญิงเจ้าคะ (pronounced 'khun ying jao ka').* It is the first time we see Prik use entirely formal language with Pin... to add to the sincerity behind her apology.

It's also key to note that Pin takes the brunt of the blame for being 'reckless', because we are going to talk about that...

...in Part Two! So much happened in this episode, so I had to split it up.

*If you need to brush up on royal language terminology, you can go back to my post about episode one

[itsbeckfreen]

Right where you left me

Samanun Anantrakul stares at the simple glass of water in front of her. She texted Kirk hours ago that she arrived at the restaurant he picked out. The waitress checks up on Sam every five minutes and the young CEO just smiles apologetically, feeling guilty.

When Sam looks up a young woman stands in front of her, a glass of wine in one hand and a bottle in the other. “May I sit? You have been alone for quite a while.” Any other time Sam would say no but she could use the company. Plus, she would look less lonely. With a simple nod the woman sits down, motioning for Sam to pour herself a glass of wine. Sam trails her eyes over the young woman in front of her. She was definitely younger. Her brown eyes were warm and her smile made Sam feel a bit better.

“Thank you.” The young woman just smiles back, sipping her wine. “I don’t mean to pry but why are you alone?” Mon felt guilty asking but her curiosity got the best of her.

“My fiancée never showed up to celebrate with me.” Sam mumbles, feeling her cheeks heat up in embarrassment. She didn’t even want to think about Kirk now. She had such a wonderful day. Finally opening her own business and it was such a success and now the CEO just felt miserable and let down. She half expected it from her soon to be husband but she still had a glimmer of hope.

Mon hums “What are we celebrating then?” Sam smiles for the first time that evening, loving the way the younger woman seemed genuinely curious.

“I just opened my own business today.” The young woman smiles in wonder at Sam, raising her glass for a toast.

“Well, I will celebrate with you. Well done miss- “

“Samanun. My name is Sam. I mean you can call me whatever you want.” Mon smiles at the woman, loving the flustered look on the CEO’s face. “I am Kornkamon. But you can call me Mon. Tell me about your company miss Sam.”

Sam falls into an easy conversation with the younger girl, loving her company. “You know Sam, if I were your fiancée I would take you home after celebrating with you and make love to you all night long.” Mon mumbles licking her lips and the CEO chokes on a gulp of wine. Flustered at the absurd comment, Sam couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel. The gentle touch of a woman. The desire to actually be wanted.

“That is very inappropriate miss Mon.” Sam could feel herself blushing and Mon just stares at her, pouring her another glass of wine as she leans across the table. “I know. I don’t care. It is taking all of my restraint not to kiss you right now. You deserve better Sam.”

Sam straightens her suit jacket, sitting a bit more upright, the blush very evident on her cheeks, when her phone finally rings. Kirk’s name pops up and she rolls her eyes. Mon stares at her before clearing her throat. Standing up she glances at Sam one last time. She doesn’t answer the phone, instead she watches it ring.

“Good luck with everything Khun Sam.” With a kiss to Sam’s cheek, Mon leaves the restaurant. Sam touches her cheek, blushing profoundly. She felt a wave of emotions. Happy that she met Mon. Sad about not getting her number. Angry that she was in a relationship that she didn’t want.

The young woman’s words replayed in her mind over and over it is taking all of my restraint not to kiss you right now. Make love to you all night long. Sam felt dizzy with want.

Her phone rings again, snapping her out of her daze. Without looking who it is she answers with a snap. “What do you want?”

“Khun Sam, I know you are angry with me I promise I will make it up.” Kirk. Of course. She rolls her eyes in annoyance. She keeps quiet while he stumbles over his words. “I am sorry I got caught up with a meeting and miss Nita wanted to discuss work. I really am sorry Sam.”

She huffs, ending the call abruptly. Signalling the waitress to bring the bill, the girl stares at her confused. “Ma’am the bill has already been settled. The young woman with you paid everything.” Sam felt a flicker of hope.

“Is that all?” The waitress nods, confused. Sam falters. She wanted Mon’s number. Hell, she wanted Mon.

[tumsa]

turn this knife the blunt way around

happy belated birthday, @kimchaybrainrot!💛 you're lovely and deserve all the treats! i tried to write fluffy soft things but failed spectacularly because angst and i are besties. i promise there is some sweetness at the end.

here is some post-canon kim + kimchay:

- - - 

Kim is not surprised when Porsche shows up and enters the café exactly when Kim is wrapping up his set. Kim has ignored calls and messages from Kinn, Tankhun and the Unknown caller. So he signs a few autographs, takes selfies with fans and lets his manager tell them that Wik is very busy and needs to go. Porsche meanwhile orders a caramel macchiato for himself and his bodyguard and waits until Kim packs away his equipment. 

"Khun Kittisawat," Kim finally says loud enough to annoy Porsche's security guard, who is holding his drink as he has never seen coffee before.

"I know you helped Chay at the warehouse and at Yok's," Porsche says, ignoring pleasantries, making it sound like an accusation, "but you have to leave my brother alone."

Porsche has taken well to his new role. He manages to sound steely, not heated, like someone in charge of the situation, and he doesn't have to add any threats. It's an order, even if Porsche has no hierarchical power over Kim. Porsche doesn't know that Kinn is just a placeholder for Kim. 

"Okay," Kim says, with his perfected poker face and neutral tone. He can tell from how Porsche squints and grips his macchiato that Porsche had expected some resistance. 

"Okay," he finally nods, sips his drink and turns to leave. Kim picks up his guitar and waits for Porsche to take a few more steps.

"Porsche," he says because there is a good reason why Kim has trailed Chay for a few months now. Kim has killed at least seven people that wanted to get their hands on the precious innocent baby brother of the minor family's new leader. "Chay's bodyguards are horrible."

Porsche freezes. There are still people around them, some of Wik's fans lingering around, as well as regular customers, so they cannot talk openly. Kim knows that's why Porsche had chosen the location, but it's funny to see him regret that choice now. Porsche opens and closes his mouth, quickly figuring out Kim's words' meaning.

Kim leaves. 

- - - 

It's not surprising that Chay barely gets to leave the compound afterwards. And when he does, his security detail matches one of Kinn's and Porsche's combined. 

"He hates it," Pok says, sliding a photo over Kim's desk. And yes, Chay looks miserable in the image; he looks small in his soft hoodie and loose jeans. Kim knows how it feels to be surrounded by all these suited men and still feel isolated and lonely. 

Kim hates how thinking it's for the greater good, his own safety doesn't chip away at the guilt he feels knowing it's his fault.

- - - 

It's also not surprising that another few months later, Chay moves out. Just like Kim, Chay is not made for golden cages; there's only so much that your love for your brother(s) can balance out, and Chay has always been brave enough to go after what he wants.

Kim keeps his promise and stays away, he's too busy trying to keep Wik's career from exploding. He knows his father will end it if the fame draws too much attention to their family. The freedom Kim has is imaginary; it's just a leash made longer, long enough that sometimes Kim forgets it's there until he makes one step too far, and it chokes him viciously.

"Do you want me to keep following Khun Porchay?" Pok asks.

Kim thinks about his father's chess board, the pieces he moves around, and the plans he executes. He thinks about his father saying: "I will fake my death", "the minor family will attack", and "you have to protect Porsche's brother, I know what you've been doing with him". He thinks about Korn killing his own brother, Vegas and Macau being pushed away their whole lives only to be embraced when they are no longer needed on the board, and Chay's mother, drugged and unaware.

"No," he says because he is tired of being his father's son. He makes a choice and tells himself to be brave and be like Chay. "Leave him alone."

Pok nods and leaves quietly.

- - - 

Kim buries himself in music because music loves him back. 

- - - 

"Your new album is so sweet," the boy says, and his voice shakes slightly as he smiles shyly, handing over the card to be signed. His older sister is recording their conversation with a cheeky grin on her face. Kim can imagine that this will be future blackmail material. 

"Thank you," Kim smiles, "what's your name?"

"Rune," the boy says, still in awe, as Kim writes him a small, personalized note. 

"I am glad you wrote some happier songs," the older sister says conversationally, unbothered that Kim is Wik, while Rune picks up his signed card like it's the greatest treasure. "All the sad ones Rune was playing for months made me a bit worried for you. He still gets teary-eyed about the Why Don't You Stay one."

Ah. Kim is saved from answering it because Rune is mortified and pulls his sister away, telling her to shut up, oh my god.

"Hi!" the girl that was next in the line waves at him with a big grin on her face. "I love your new album; it's very sweet!" 

Kim smiles back.

- - - 

Your new album is amazing, and we are so proud! We miss you. 

Kim reads the message again and again; he swallows tears and thinks about the song he wrote weeks ago, about the tiny hints he left there, knowing that nobody but him would know. He didn't think that-

"Kim?" Kinn picks up right away. He sounds hopeful, and Kim realizes that their father is so wrong. The love has not made Kinn weaker; it has made him human.

"I miss you too," Kim says. He can hear Kinn smiling.

- - - 

"I am disappointed," his father says, and Kim thinks nothing has ever made him feel more proud than Korn's disappointment. "Maybe I was wrong about you."

"Maybe," Kim says, and they both know he means, yes, yes, you were.

"I don't know what I did wrong," Korn says, defeated, in a rare moment of honesty, "how all three of you ended up like this."

Like this, he says. And he means stupid, weak and pathetic. He means, why would you pick anything over power, ambition, or being the victor? Why would you willingly lose a fight? Who would you do that for, and why?

"You wouldn't understand, father," Kim smiles, pushing Kinn's ring across the table, "after all, you killed your brother and locked up your sister."

He gets up and leaves, half expecting a bullet in his skull, but it never comes. 

- - - 

The knock on the door makes Kim jump. Only a few people know where he lives, and all the ones who do know to inform him before their arrival. Tankhun has started to show up unannounced, but Kim (now) knows that Wednesdays are shopping days; Tankhun has discovered the magic of shopping malls, and they are a lot shinier than Kim's apartment.

Kim finds the gun before heading for the door but puts it down when he looks at the security camera. He unlocks the door, suddenly very aware of his messy hair, worn shirt and mismatched socks that Kinn had gifted as a joke.

"Hi," Chay says. 

Kim has not seen him for almost two years, so he files away the new haircut, a bit broader shoulders, a sharper face, but the same sweet smile and big, innocent eyes. 

"Hi?" Kim answers, unsure because Chay's smile is short-lived, and he looks closer to tears.

"I know you loved me," Chay says, and he might as well kick Kim in the stomach, "I mean, I listened to your new album, I mean, sorry, it's none of my business, I should not say that, I just, well," he keeps talking, nervously shifting, looking anywhere but at Kim, "I need you."

Kim feels like someone dropped him in an ocean, leaving him to drown. There are waves of feelings crushing him, pushing him down to the seabed. I know you loved me. Apparently, Chay still knows how to flip Kim's world around. Kim moves before Chay can flee, opening the door wider and stepping aside.

"Come in," Kim says, his voice trembling funnily. And then, because he cannot help it at all, he asks, "You listened to my new album?"

"Of course," Chay says, and it reminds Kim of Tankhun's eye rolls.

Did you like it? Kim wants to ask, but he doesn't. He doesn't get to have this, and he won't be selfish if it hurts Chay, not anymore, and he's been doing good so far. 

"Why do you need my help?" Kim asks instead as they walk to the living room. Chay sits on the sofa, back to looking like he is about to cry, but like crying is not a choice he is allowed to make, and it makes Kim's insides hurt. Chay needs to point, and Kim will aim his gun. 

"It's about my mom," Chay explains, "I don't know how much you know, but-"

"I know everything," Kim says, and their knees brush as he sits down next to Chay. "I am sorry, I-"

"It's okay," Chay brushes it off quickly as if what Kim did is not a big deal. And Kim wonders if it isn't for Chay anymore. Maybe Chay has learned that there are worse things than stalking and using someone, maybe Chay is helping Porsche now and has done similar things, or maybe Chay has killed someone. Kim has no idea, and it's making him a bit dizzy.

"She remembers everything," Chay explains, and Kim doesn't say that he suspected that too. He looks at Chay's hands that are nervously moving around, wants to grab them and keep them still, but talks himself out of it. "She told me a while ago, she remembers that Uncle Korn killed dad, and wants to tell Porsche, but she's worried that Uncle Korn will... And I am so worried about her and Porsche, and I think Porsche maybe knows too, and something is about to happen, and I-"

"Do you want me to kill my father?" Kim asks carefully. He realizes that he would if Chay asked.

Chay looks horrified. "What? No, of course not!"

Kim is lost, has been lost since he opened the door. "So, what do you need me to help with?"

"I didn't say that," Chay says so quietly that Kim almost doesn't hear it. "I said I need you."

Oh.

And because Chay is the bravest one of them both, he climbs into Kim's lap, hugging him like he did the very first time, with everything he has, and bursts into tears.

"I don't know," he whimpers in Kim's neck, his tears mixing with Kim's, shaking as Kim holds him closer, "what I will do if Porsche dies. I don’t want to be alone anymore, Kim."

Kim wishes he could hide Chay inside the walls of his chest, away from everything, but nowhere is safe with his father alive.

"Shhh," he says instead, "it will be okay, you are not alone."

- - - 

"Chay," Kim says hours later when it's getting dark in the apartment. They are still on the sofa, and Chay is half lying on top of Kim, cuddling like they used to, except Chay is quiet and looks defeated under the weight of the world. 

"Mm?"

Kim takes a breath and tells himself he can do this. If Tankhun can go to the shopping mall and Kinn can choose Porsche over their father, Kim too can face his fears. "I want to apologize. I am sorry; I know I hurt you, and you didn't deserve any of it. I wish I could take it back."

Chay hums and looks up through the bangs that are half covering his eyes; there's a small smile on the corners of his lips, and Kim wants to press it there, make it stay, and never let anything make Chay sad again.

"I forgave you a long time ago," he says, "Porsche told me how silly Theerapanyakul siblings are. I am very proud you used words this time."

He's teasing Kim, and Kim can't decide between laughing or crying; he settles on neither, holds Chay closer, and moves his hand to stroke Chay's hair gently. He thinks fate is being funny, giving him something only after he learned to let it go.

"And you did write me fourteen love songs."

Kim laughs.

- - - 

He returns early in the morning when the dawn settles over the city, a new morning ahead. Chay is still on the sofa, covered in blankets; he gets up when Kim enters the living room.

Kim puts down the gun on the coffee table. He knows he is still covered in sweat and smells like cigarettes that he shared with Porsche when Chay hugs him. 

"It will be okay," Kim promises, and buries himself in Chay. 

[thisisevenharderthannamingablog]

Liveblogging notes on ep. 8

When one of your mains first uses "us" in a sentence; there's nothing quite like it.

Porsche somehow delivering that line with a straight face.

That little beckoning gesture. Gosh.

OMG you two focus???

On second thought never mind, just keep doing that. For the sake of wardrobe, I hope they didn't have to do too many takes.

Locale shift. The last time we were at the bar was pre-forest, and Porsche was miserable. Now he's giddy, if a little confused. Like the last time, his old-life friends can read him easily (Pete can not). Interesting that both of the friend groups have now used the "love is love" line. Again, real emotions and connections can only be found outside the main house. He's never been in love before? Too busy supporting his brother to even have dated? :(

(Apo is actually a bit taller than Mile? Huh. Their scenes are usually framed to make this less obvious.)

Incognito date time! Kinn like oh you better believe we are holding hands in public.

I see we are back to a food-connection theme, much more positive this time. Porsche is so anxious, though! Poor guy, relax. Including Kinn's ring in the shot with the photo is a nice touch.

Kim still on the trail but suspecting it's a dead end. Big, you put up with so much.

Wait, show, are you telling us that Kinn used to be this adorable on the regular?? My god someone has a lot to answer for.

I don't feel like going back to check right now, but wasn't the "no personal cell phones" rule the first flag that Porsche was getting into something bizarre? Interesting.

It occurred to me in this episode that contra the implication in the first one, Porsche isn't one of the chess pieces at all; he's Korn's opponent. He just doesn't know he's playing.

The pool?!

And of course no one is allowed to be that blissful for long. 20 minutes left in the episode, plenty of time for Rule of 3 to be applied. Don't you lot have security cameras everywhere...?

OMG Porsche just fucking ask him, I can't handle any more of this nonsense from either one of you. And now you've got Pete helping?! Tsk. I have to say I respect the level of compartmentalization that leads to having a separate phone purely for your escort service. Suppose it prevents awkward misdials. (Kinn turning into a one-man man will significantly affect the local sex worker economy.)

I do think that is a timely reminder that Kinn's still an (adorable) Mafia prince and does shoot people kind of a lot.

Okay honestly I'm not sure what I would do if I definitely saw someone I was definitely told was dead? Twice. I just remembered how young Porsche is.

Kim has quite the face journey during Chay's song.

It's been ages since we had any Khun scenes.

I will never be able to write fic for this show; I can't come anywhere near this standard.

Oh thank god, we aren't going to drag this out past the end of the episode. Kinn went to college??? Business major, I assume. Anyway, congrats on using your words like regular people, both of you.

Rule of three!

[belonareyna]

Porchay’s hability to close (and open) mouths

Kim was a little shit for coming to his brother. For telling him about the he not going to the interview exam and for telling him he went to a club.

So now he has his brother on his front, arm closed and furious look demanding an explanation, Khun Kinn next to him, serious, but calmer than his boyfriend, and Kim, still serious, almost with that expression he had in the club last night.

Ha. “From now on what you do is your damn decision”. Little. Piece. Of. Shit.

Wasn’t he a mafia prince? What on earth does the mafia do to snitches? Apparently, Kim didn’t know or didn’t care or films just exaggerates.

-Well?- Oh, his brother, right

-Just before you say something, let me go to get my computer- Aks Chay

-Why? -Porsche is containing himself

-Because I have lied to you- Just like you did but you get away with nothing brother Remember? He thinks -And you won’t believe me unless there are proves-

Porsche nods to him and Chay hurries to get his computer.

He opens two documents

-It’s true. I didn’t go to the interview, I was going to though, until I see, well. Across the street, Med university. And I was feeling so miserable, with my guitar, with my decision, I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. It hurt just to think about getting in there. Thinking about playing again. I wasn’t ready. I don’t know why -Because of Kim- Maybe because of the kidnapping, and I know it wasn’t so traumatizing, I mean they didn’t torture me or anything, but I felt a lot of stress and then you, in the mafia, and me playing a fucking guitar all happy and… and you out there? Risking your life so I could live MY DREAM? You misunderstood my dream. My dream is to make you happy, that’s why I cover my real emotions of you being involved with the mafia and didn’t force you out of that life, because I saw that for the first time you cared and loved someone rather than me, Khun Kinn, and I could not take you that from you. But I want to know that I can still take care of you. Being involved with this… This is…- Chay breathed -This lifestyle involve much more than just bruises or stiches. This is more like I may have to take a bullet out of your body if not more than one and take care of the wound, the infections the sepsis… And I know you already have doctors and nurses who take care of that, but the point is that I want to know that I also can do that, that I can still heal my brother.

When you came from those fights, the only think that calmed me was knowing that I could do something for you, to erase your pain.

So yeah, playing music hurt, healing my brother no. The choice was pretty clear, so I applied to med school.

My grades are good enough and as I graduated with honors… My first year is free. -*

Chay finally took a breath, while Kinn, Kim and his brother just looked at him with horror

-What do you mean It wasn’t traumatizing to be kidnapped IN YOUR OWN HOUSE? – Porsche had to put his thoughts in order. This was the first thing that came to him

-And. Why didn’t you tell me you were going to med school? - His brother looked at the computer screen, where his scanned enrollment was.

-Because I didn’t want you to ask me why I dropped my interview and went for a much more demanding titulation-

-But honey, I would never make you feel bad for your decision, you were kidnapped for the gods shake… It’s not just that right? -

-You were trying to protect me- Said Kim in shock.

Kinn and Porsche looked at him with confused eyes

-Yeah, well, Kim, this is Porsche, he is my brother, he has a hot temper and a gun. I don’t want you to die… yet-

Kim twisted his mouth

-Porchay, I’m not really understanding, what does Kim had to do with anything of your decision? -

-Hia I promise you, I will explain you, just, later- He had the feeling he would cry just reliving those moments, and the story was embarrassing enough for him to want Khun Kinn to listen. He didn’t want to make the elder uncomfortable or for him to think he was just a crybaby. No thanks, there would be other crybaby moments, but this one would be not his discovery of how much he was an idiot.

-Ok… So, continuing with your crazy night…-

Chay breathed

-Let me stop you there Hia. With all the due respect. I’m eighteen years old. Legally I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Why I decided to do it, that you can reprimand me to. Because I know that alcohol is not the solution to sadness, and instead of that I should have told you how I was feeling. And maybe a few months back I would have to. But right now, and this is difficult and sad for me to say, we have not the same relationships, and we both have to work out how to be back to our normal self’s where I can trust you with all of what’s happening in my head in exchange for your honesty, and specially I need to start treating me like something more than a lost four-year-old. I think I’m mature enough and I have gained at least the respect for you to treat me as something more than a child-

And then he went with everything

-Thanks to P’Kim I didn’t actually did something really stupid, so I thank you for that. I mean I can’t give you anything you could not have-

You can give me you, your trust again, your time, a little piece of your heart.

-But, if I can do something for you, just let me now-

-Take care of yourself. Stay safe. That’s all I’m asking-

I would gain your trust again, and I would give you all my heart in exchange for a little piece of yours.

Chay smiled at Kim. A little bit of his smile reached his eyes. For today it was enough.

-And please, If you could do something for me…-

Porchay looked at his brother confused

-Please don’t dye your hair again, I’m begging, it’s just like looking at a mirror when I was 16 and that girl dumped me…Teenagers scare the living shit out of me-

Kim looked at him with worrying in his eyes, deciding it was time to leave.

---

Porsche ran down the stairs alarming Kinn who was reading a book. He had heared sobs minutes before, probably from Chay, but knew his place wasn’t comforting the minor… Yet.

-I’m going to kill your brother- Declared his beloved with a furious glance

Behind him, Porchay with red eyes just implored Kinn

-I’m begging you Khun Kinn to stop him-

And so, he did. How not to say yes to that Bambi eyes.

Kim was in deep shit smiled Kinn. No way he lets his deer go.

N/A: It just make sense to me to make Chay a doctor in case he still doesn't wanna be a musician

[emisfritish]

Our gift to the world - Episode 8

Summary: Episode codas of an established Pang/Wave in The Gifted Graduation. Episode 8- An important talk between two friends, a couple of realizations and the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Notes :  Yo, The Gifted really decided to help me with having not one, but two episodes where Pang/Wave don’t interact at all, didn’t they ? Nevertheless, I think this was an important one, and it allowed me to bring my boy Ohm again.

This is set at the same time as Pang is with the director, towards the end of his visit. 

Previous parts : Ep.1 /  Ep.2 / Ep.3 / Ep.4 / Ep.5 / Ep.6 / Ep.7

Series on Ao3 here.

- 

Wave looks down at his phone where Pang’s text has been sitting since he received it last night, and he sighs. 

“There is something weird that I need to check out, but I’m okay. I didn’t have time to tell anyone, but I’m not disappearing again… I just wanted to let you know so you wouldn’t worry. I don’t know if I’m allowed to still say this, but I miss you and I love you. I’ll see you later.”

Of course Pang had gone to check something out by himself again. Of course. His boyfriend really could be the most stubborn man on the planet sometimes. 

And since then, the five increasingly worried (and insulting, he admits) texts he’s sent back to his boyfriend have gone unanswered, except for the one Pang sent an hour ago reassuring him he was ok.

“At least he texted this time,” Wave mumbles to himself as he’s walking towards the room where The Gifted Class usually gather.

Progress. 

It’s less than Wave would like to see, but he’s aware that he himself is far from perfect when it comes to communicating when he’s lost in a research frenzy. At least, Pang is trying. That’s all he can really ask of him. 

When he walks into the room hoping to find the headphones he’d forgotten in his hurry to leave last time, he finds something else entirely. 

Ohm is sitting at the table in the same spot he was for Namtarn’s birthday, looking around him sadly. The boy looks so dejected and lonely, Wave can’t help but feel sorry for him. 

Lost in thought, it appears that Ohm didn’t even hear him come in, and it’s only when Wave clears his throat that he suddenly turns towards him. 

Seeing Ohm briefly look behind him before looking back down at his hands, Wave sighs.

“He’s not with me,” he says quietly, and Ohm shrugs in answer. 

“I don’t care,” he responds, and Wave has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. 

Obviously, he does care. Although Wave isn’t sure if the look meant Ohm had actually wanted to see Pang, or on the contrary wanted to avoid him at all cost. 

When had things become like this, exactly ?

Ohm and Pang have been inseparable since their very beginning in The Gifted class, and knowing how important the boy is to his boyfriend, Wave hates knowing that it’s another one of Pang’s relationships that is strained right now. 

When reassuring him after Time’s death and Korn’s injuries, Wave had told Pang that he wasn’t alone... But was that actually true right now ? 

The thought of Pang being all alone while facing everything weighs heavy on him, and he knows that they can’t keep going like that. He might have had some legitimate reasons to be angry, and part of him still is, but the idea of Pang feeling like he’s alone any longer is becoming intolerable. 

They have to fix this, all of them. And maybe fixing Ohm’s relationship with Pang is a good place to start.

Sighing, Wave makes his way to the table to sit next to Ohm, resigning himself to the fact that he’s going to need to have an actual conversation with Ohm. About feelings. 

He wouldn’t change his relationship with Pang for anything, not even in recent times, but god the things his boyfriend makes him do, even indirectly. 

“You know you’re going to have to talk to him eventually,” he announces, staring at Ohm although his friend won’t meet his eyes. 

“Says who ?” the boy answers petulant, and this time Wave doesn’t even try to stop himself from rolling his eyes at the words. 

“How old are you Ohm ? ‘Says who’, really ?”  he snorts, and Ohm turns to look at him, offended. “Says you, because you look miserable. I know you hate fighting with him and you miss him, and I know for a fact he does too.”

Ohm remains silent, and Wave takes a deep breath, trying not to snap at the boy. He knows that they all have a lot going on and that Ohm was just hurt, like the rest of them, but Wave isn’t really well-known for his patience either. 

“Look Ohm, I know you’re upset about the whole thing with Namtarn…” he starts to say, but Ohm cuts him off. 

“It’s not just that.” 

Wave looks at him patiently, waiting for the other boy to finish his thoughts, which prompts Ohm to sigh, looking miserable. 

“It’s not just about that time. It’s just that… We all used to be so close, and look at us now. I feel like everyone around me is falling apart, and the common denominator in all of this is Pang.”

Wave frowns at the words, not liking what Ohm is implying, although he doubts the boy actually means what he’s saying right now. 

“Ohm, that’s not fair and you know it. You know that’s not his fault.”

“Look what is happening right now ? Can you honestly tell me that Pang isn’t at least partially at fault ?” Ohm asks, and Wave shakes his head immediately. 

“He isn’t,” he affirms, dismissing the thought. “Or at least, he’s no more at fault than any one of us. The prime minister, the director, this school, Khun Lada, this whole messy situation… They’re at fault. We’re just all dealing with the consequences of all of that and trying to cope, Pang included.”

“Why are you even pushing this ? You’re mad at him too !” Ohm says defensively, and Wave sighs. 

Ohm has a point. He was mad at Pang, and he still is a little, if he’s honest with himself. He’s had some time to digest and think since Pang’s last visit to his bedroom, but he can’t help but remain a little angry at his boyfriend. At the same time, he’s starting to realize how true the words he just told Ohm are, and realize that maybe he wasn’t being entirely fair to Pang either. 

Pang messed up by keeping them out of the loop for so many things, and Wave can’t deny that the fact that his boyfriend trusts him so little hurts. But at the same time, he really was doing the best he could given the situation. Or at least, doing what he thought was best, and Wave knows that. 

They’ve all messed up in the past, himself more than anyone, and Pang has always forgiven him.

Plus, he misses his boyfriend. Fiercely.

Not being able to talk to him these past couple of weeks has been one of the worst experiences of Wave’s life, and he doesn’t want to deal with the pain anymore. He needs Pang, and he thinks Pang needs him too. They’ve always been stronger as a team than apart anyway, and it’s time they went back to that. 

“I was,” he finally admits. “But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t get past it and try to move on together. You know how much he cares about us, about you.”

Ohm stays silent for a while, and although the urge to get up and run from the conversation is strong, Wave stays put, giving him the time to deal with all of his thoughts.  

“Look Pang messed up, we all messed up recently,” he continues when Ohm has been silent too long. “And I’m sorry he hurt your feelings. But you know that he didn’t mean to, and that in spite of everything, he’s trying to do everything he can to help and protect us. All of us.”

Finally, the other boy sighs, dropping his head against the table, and Wave once again shakes his head at the dramatics. 

“You’re right,” Ohm whispers, as if admitting Wave could be right about something actually pains him. “I know it’s not fair to blame it all on him, and I don’t even truly think it’s his fault, if I’m honest. It’s just… I feel like everything around me is crumbling down, and I have no idea how to hold everyone together anymore.” 

At the words, Wave smiles sadly towards his friends. 

“Then maybe you don’t,” he says, and Ohm looks at him, perplexed. “You don’t hold everyone together anymore, I mean.”

When Ohm looks ready to argue, Wave cuts him off, staring at him seriously.

“Look, I know what you’re feeling,” he says, thinking back to the moments in the past couple of months when he’s felt like he was losing all of his newly acquired friends. “But maybe in this case, things need to hit rock bottom before they can go back up. Maybe we actually need to fall apart so we can come back together stronger than before.”

Ohm looks at him in shock, and Wave understands why, not quite believing that such words could come out of his mouth either. 

“Do you really mean that ?” the boy asks doubtfully, and Wave shrugs in answer. 

It worked for him, after all. 

It wasn’t until he almost blew up his entire life and all of the relationships around him a couple of years ago, that he finally managed to get back up in the aftermath. It was only after that moment that he finally began to open up to the other Gifted students, to get closer to Pang...

He doesn’t know if he truly believes the words entirely. What he does know is that he loves Pang and he misses him. He knows that he actually cares about the people in The Gifted group, and that they care about him too, to some extent. They may all be falling apart right now, but that has to count for something.

“I’ll talk to him when he comes back,” Ohm finally says in a small voice, and Wave nods in satisfaction. 

Ohm might have pretended otherwise when he first entered the room, but Wave knows that he must miss Pang a lot too, although it can’t be as much as he himself does. 

“Good,” he says, getting up from his seat. “Then if that’s all for tonight, I’ll just get my headphones and leave. After this lovely talk, I need to be alone with my computer to remind myself of what an intelligent being is.”

Ohm rolls his eyes at Wave’s words, laughing softly. 

“You mean that you need to go and text your boyfriend so you can make up,” he teases him, and Wave glares daggers at him, but doesn’t deny it. 

“Shut up Ohm,” he mumbles, while grabbing his headphones and quickly escaping from the room before the other one can keep making comments. 

“Wave,” Ohm stops him just as he is reaching the door. He turns towards the voice, raising an eyebrow in question. “Can you help me retrieve deleted pictures from my phone ?” he continues in a small voice. 

Wave frowns at him, wondering where the request came from suddenly. 

“It’s just… I had a couple pictures with Pang…,” Ohm continues, his cheeks reddening slightly. 

Understanding draws on Wave as to what the other boy isn’t saying, and he snorts. God, his friend could be so dramatic sometimes, as if deleting their pictures would make him feel better. 

“I’ll help you later if you promise you’ll stop fighting with Pang,” he warns Ohm, and the other boy nods his head. 

Satisfied with the answer and the steps they’ve accomplished tonight, Wave quickens his steps to leave the room before the other boy can stop him once again. 

Once he safely reaches his bedroom, he sits down on the bed and pulls out his phone, staring at Pang’s text for a few minutes. Maybe Ohm was onto something when he mentioned texting his boyfriend.

Taking a deep breath to steel himself, he quickly types and sends three consecutive messages, before abruptly dropping his phone on the nightstand and laying down in bed, ready to ignore it for the rest of the night.

He doesn’t know when Pang will see the messages or if he’ll answer, but maybe it’s time he starts taking his own advice and tries to fix things too.  

To Pang : ‘I hope you realize that when you come back, I’m going to kill you for disappearing that way. Knowing you, you’re probably dead in a ditch somewhere without me to help you.’

To Pang : ‘But come to my room when you’re back, please.’

To Pang : ‘I miss you and I love you too, idiot.’