#i love little troll babies

[palskippah]

I LOVE BROPPY

*gives them babies*

[zivazivc]

What do the band mates look like now?

Hed's a dad, and Les finally found a shirt that fits him

[kacievvbbbb]

I don’t know why, maybe because I’ve been on a Garp kick lately.

But I do really think that Garp kind of became like a surrogate Uncle to the Roger boys and by extension Mihawk. Like I can just imagine Roger telling them that if they were ever separated from the crew or if something ever happened to him or Ray and they needed help they should go to Garp (I mean he entrusted his own baby to him it makes sense he’d also entrust his boys)

(for whatever reason Mihawk got this talk too despite him already traveling by himself and not being officially part of Rogers crew. But since Ray adopted him he’s Roger’s brat as well)

All this to say that Garp takes his uncle duties very seriously and what is an uncle if not an inconvenience and an embarrassment?

So Ofcourse he pulls up to Kuriagina during the timeskip (Hawain shirt and all) to visit his new grand babies (read Perona and Zoro) that he’s heard so much about. (read shanks immediately gossiped with him abou mt after stumbling upon them last time he came to visit Mihawk)

And because Garp is essentially the one piece equivalent of Florida man, this goes well for absolutely nobody

Except Zoro who is nothing if not a troll. And game must recognize game.

The monkeys love him tho, he communicates with them on a wavelength nobody can quite understand least of all Garp.

[cloudabserk]

BABIES…

[allastoredeer]

Totally agree with the vent. I'm Ace myself, still trying to figure where I fall on the Aro spectrum. I always imagined Alastor knowing exactly what type of attachment he's forming to others. He's just one to Deny it to hell and back. Haha.

It's always funny when characters realize that they have accidentally developed relationships in fiction and go: Dammit!

Alastor doing so? *Chef's Kiss" Especially with how antagonism is his love language. However he expresses his affection to others, I want him to be mad about it. Unless it's making others mad, then he finds it hilarious.

His teasing dialogues with Rosie are some of my favorites. The man enjoys his banter.

Hahaha exactly! Alastor seems like the type that he's always aware of other people and his dynamic with them. He pin-pointed Lucifer's insecurity about being an absent-parent within, like, minutes of meeting him. He was with Charlie for a whole week before he pinned down her daddy issues (He literally says, in his totally hilarious commercial "while she (Charlie) avoids her daddy issues by fixing you!" (paraphrased I don't remember the exact sentence).

Alastor is very good at reading people and establishing a dynamic between them (whether it be negative or positive).

So him accidentally developing feelings for one of the characters and going "FFFFFUCK" is the best XD I love it! Especially because his love language can be so antagonistic, that just makes it so much better.

He really does enjoy his banter.

But yeah, Alastor is aware of himself, and even if he doesn't have an exact word for asexuality, he's been in Hell for a long time, and that place isn't exactly known for it's pearl-clutching celibacy. If he didn't know he didn't want sex before, he's well aware of it now LMAO

[tirastales]

Prince Finley Heath of Techno

Parents: King Trollex and John Dory Heath

Siblings: N/A

Age: 13

Pronouns: He/Him

Sexuality: Questioning

Genre: Undetermined

Voice Claim: N/A

The only son of King Trollex and John Dory, and sole heir to the Kingdom of Techno. Shy, reserved, and unsure of himself and his title, Finley is known as the "Prince of Silence".

Finley is one of the most unique Trolls to have been born, as he was born without vocal chords. Extensive research has been done as to why his vocal chords never grew properly, but nothing has been determined. As a result, Finley speaks using sign language, and usually is seen with someone who can interpret for him.

Because he has no voice, Finley often hides himself from the public eye. He's incredibly shy and hates being out for all to see. The only time he comes out is when he's with his fathers', and he often hides behind them as they walk or swim around Techno Reef.

Finley is often seen reading stories in his spare time, specifically stories about the history of music. He hopes that by reading about it, it will help him understand music. So far it hasn't worked, but it has made him quite knowledgeable about history, and he can answer almost any question about any musical history.

Finley is very close with his dads. Even though he doesn't have a voice, Trollex and JD adore Finley. He's their little miracle, and nothing could ever change that. Despite the judgement that he receives from the general population due to the fact that he can't sing, Finley and his dads are super close.

Music wise, Finley is one of the few Trolls with no connection to any kind of music whatsoever. Because he has no vocal chords, Finley can't sing at all. He can't seem to get a handle on instruments or mizboards either. A lot of Finley's self-worth issues are caused by this, has many Trolls have high expectations for a royal troll's musical talent. The only musical skill Finley has a handle on is dancing, and even that's a strained skill. He mostly taps his feet along to the beat, like his body wants to do more, but can't as it is.

Finley currently resides in Techno Reef alongside his family.

Fun Facts!

When Finley turned 10, JD gifted him a caterbus egg laid by his own beloved Rhonda. Finley named her Lasi after a character from one of his favorite books. Since she’s so small, she spends her time curled up in Finley’s hair, spending her time resting so she grow bigger.

Finley’s closest friend is his cousin, Iris. The two actually hatched on the same day, hence them spending so much time together. Iris is Finley’s main interpreter, and is often seen near him.

Finley wears a giant sweater to hide his rainbow colored arms. The rainbow on the arms is representative of the Techno Royal Family, and Finley hides to his out of shame due to his inability to sing and his lack of understanding of Techno music.

Finley has incredibly twitchy feet. He doesn’t understand why, but he’s never been able to keep his feet still. He feels like he needs to be doing something with them, like dance, but not like others do. It frustrates him to no end.

And that's my JD/Trollex baby!! Also HI IM NOT DEAD LOL

Sorry this took so long, I got the seasonal depressions hdbcjdbcfh

At long last, we meet the main character of my AU, Prince Finley! A sweet little baby who doesn't understand music like other Trolls do. Finley's vocal chords are severally underdeveloped, making it physically impossible for him to sing, much less speak. I've got big plans for this little guy~

I swear I'll try to continue uploading more often, but life's been tough djxbjdbdh

No voice example cuz he got no voice hdhdbdb

[kameonerd566]

.

[im-boned]

i think its awesome how every single one of my f/os, romantic or otherwise, would smoke weed with me EXCEPT dave. hed joke about it but if i asked him he would be so fucking scared. mf would never

[kyanqiyan]

guys love is real my friends found me a poppy trolls plushie from a random charity shop and bought it for me. fuck. the world is beautiful my friends are wonderful i am not alone after all i am cherished

[sheep-from-rad]

breathes, I need to make a masterlist for DC. Writing Batfam is becoming too fun 

*I don't own DC also reader is gender neutral. this could be applied to yandere batfam as well, i think*

Bruce, Batfam and baby! Reader would be fun to watch. This man raised children but apparently having a baby in the house made him realize that he still has a lot to learn. Reader arrives at the estate as a baby after their mom (ex fling) decides that it will be better if they will be with Bruce instead.  

If this man’s sleep schedule was bad before, now it's abysmal. It was so bad that Batfam had to step in. Baby! Reader cries at 3 a.m. and before Bruce can even stand up he sees Jason at the dark corner of the room telling him to go back to sleep because Dick already has it handled. I love the idea of baby reader’s crib being in Bruce’s room because it will be easier to reach the crying baby reader at night that way. 

There’s no such thing as too much clothes. Batfam sees something cute or a baby clothing, they are buying it. Damian is partial towards stuffed animals and he will deny it but Bruce had seen him bonding with by reading animal related baby books. I also see Damian as a possessive brother in the sense that once they have their hands on  baby! reader, they will never let anyone else hold them. Not even Bruce. 

Batfamily had to now pack another shirt whenever they go outside with baby!reader or else they’ll be coming home wet with baby drool. Every Batsibling has their alarm clocks and they’ll always fight each other on who gets to feed the baby reader. Alfred wins most of the time because the siblings get too caught up in the fighting; they just forget about feeding the baby. 

Jason will nonstop troll Bruce for sure. Bruce will be entering the dining hall all tired with baby reader in his arms and Jason will be singing, ‘A single mom who works two jobs’ meme until Bruce glares at him or tells him to stop. Coffee supply on the estate doubles because Tim is not the only one addicted now, Bruce too. 

Superhero themed onesies are banned inside the house because it became a mini competition between the batfam but don’t let anyone know that Bruce kept a Batman bib. Every bedroom is baby proofed because each sibling just loves to monopolize baby readers. 

Galas are now fun. The batfam who previously avoids galas like it’s a plague now from time to time pops in to say that Bruce is gonna be late because either baby reader got into a teeny tiny accident and needed to be changed or baby reader got into Stephanie’s make up kit and needed to be wiped clean. 

The idea of a baby!reader learning how to crawl and walk is funny too. Bruce just constantly stressed out because his little baby just disappears and then comes back in the arms of a sibling who told him that they crawled to their room. Baby reader sees older siblings training and they’ll be trying to replicate it (with the siblings making sure it won’t be dangerous of course). Just imagine Dick’s social media with a picture of him stretching and baby reader (face covered for privacy) next to him replicating it. 

Batfam was overprotective before and it became more protective now. Tim will always be quick to cover baby!reader’s face when the siblings  are out in public say for ice cream or a little shopping trip. Securities are doubled too. If one sibling is taking baby reader out, another one will be following behind and the others are on the roof.  No baby photos because let’s face it, one quick photo can land on a random newspaper and some villains might get their hands on a copy. 

Damian will always be quick to pull away baby!reader on galas especially when Bruce is surrounded by women who try flirting with him using their ‘maternal’ skills. Passing baby!reader around the gala are not allowed unless Bruce himself lets the person hold the baby!reader. 

Imagine one day Batman goes to a Justice League meeting with the baby! Reader strapped on their chest because apparently the batfam is busy and Alfred is on vacation. If Bruce only knew that the batfam lied because the JL wants to meet the baby reader. Did Justice League got overboard with the Christmas gifts the next year? Shhh… we don’t talk about that, the impromptu storage room is still full.

[teaboot]

It appears that one may only receive gentle snuggles when one has first dissociated and sat on the floor

Local idiot placed in air jail for Bites Me crimes. Immediately retaliates with Farts In My Face. When will there be peace

[dorothylarouge]

US Presidents as Dril Tweets

George Washington: another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it

John Adams: "ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders" Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God.

Thomas Jefferson: Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record? A: I do not delete my posts

James Madison: (sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby

James Monroe: for decades i have traversed the unforgiving mountains and rivers of south america, hoping to catch a glimpse of the fabled "ass downloader"

John Quincy Adams: "This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit

Andrew Jackson: handing Faves over to my enemies is FRAUD !! base, contemptible FRAUD!

Martin Van Buren: Food $200

Data $150

Rent $800

Candles $3,600

Utility $150

someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

William Henry Harrison: (spends all of 7 seconds skimming some blog posts) yep. just as i knew all along. having pnuamonia is good

John Tyler: fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter dot com. i live for this

James K. Polk: thhere is no such thing as charisma, and art is fake. the only metrics by which we must determine the worth of a man are Strength and Wisdom

Zachary Taylor: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers tell me that im dying

Millard Fillmore: trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you...

Franklin Pierce: blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin

James Buchanan: #NationalGirlfriendDay please cherish your gal's.. in honor of us, the single Boys who must sacrifice all companionship to #CarryTheBrand...

Abraham Lincoln: unloading an entire belt of ammo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you "Blocked"

Andrew Johnson: who the fuck is scraeming "LOG OFF" at my house. show yourself, coward. i will never log off

Ulysses S. Grant: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and Nice manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT

Rutherford B. Hayes: using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg,

James A. Garfield: too much truth in such little time. feeling the heat cominh down to silence me... signing off........ for now

Chester A. Arthur: i WILL wise the fuck up. i WILL super charge my content for 2017. i WILL get blue check mark

Grover Cleveland: the way i see it, people who come on here and submit content that is not up to par, could possibly be considered the "Villains" of this site

Benjamin Harrison: i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc

William McKinley: boy oh boy do i love purchasing large amounnts of Fool's Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!!

Theodore Roosevelt: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL

William H. Taft: ah.. the perfect Souffle! cant wait to dig in to t(*EVERY PIPE IN MY HOUSE EXPLODES AT THE SAME TIME, COVERING ME IN SHIT AND BOILING WATER*

Woodrow Wilson: the conflicted supersoldier stares over the horizon as he smokes a cigarette. "war is the most fucked up thing ever." he takes a sip of beer

Warren G. Harding: somebody please Bribe me

Calvin Coolidge: aggressively joyless oaf hhere. painfully obnoxious respect demander checkign in. extremely dim witted frowning man looking for pals

Herbert Hoover: it is really quite astonishing that I have yet to win The Lottery, given how good I am at selecting six numbers and saying them out loud

Franklin D. Roosevelt: ive never heard of this “europe” but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me

Harry Truman: everybody wants to be the guy to write the tweet that solves racism once and for all because it would look good as hell on a resume

Dwight D. Eisenhower: my "F*&k It!! Let's Go Golfin" t-shirt maintains a tenacious stranglehold on my life. after 1,125 days of Golf my body is twisted, deformed

John F. Kennedy: when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self

Lyndon B. Johnson: incredibly handsome , charismatic famous boy credited with ending income inequality after saying that slumlords should be called "dumblords"

Richard Nixon: i attribute the complete failure of my brand to the actions of detractors, oor my “trolls”, as it were, as well as my own constant fuckups

Gerald Ford: shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right

Jimmy Carter: i warnned you all that bad things would happen if you kept letting your wives wear jeans. AND NOW LOOK! the damn gas prices are up again

Ronald Reagan: spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes... Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn

George H.W. Bush: just thought off an idea i believe to be bad ass. lets find the address of the leader of isis, and mail him/ her pieces of our SHIT

Bill Clinton: were at the point now, that when i offer to impregnate my girl followers, people assume my motives are sexual. disgusting, grow the fuck up,

George W. Bush: friday night gathering up together a big pile of things i like to respect (flags, crucifixes ,etc) and just roll around in it ,give kisses,

Barack Obama: my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line

Donald Trump: THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset.

ME: I agree

Joe Biden: I will shut the fuck up , IF , it will restore the Harmony. I will get on my knees like a dog and make that sacrifice, for the sake of Calm

[snavian]

I hate being mean but I also fucking hate it when greenbeards fully sabotage an EDD

[wileycap]

Crackfic Idea:

30-year-old Zuko gets randomly flung back in time to his 16-year-old self. For a couple of hours at a time. At the most random times imaginable. Imagine the potential.

Zuko assumes that it's a dream or a vision, but definitely not real. He tries not to freak everybody out too badly, but he's also fully enjoying himself and seeing all of his friends as their young selves.

ZUKO, as he and Aang circle each other at the South Pole: I've spent years preparing for this encounter. Training, meditating. You're just a [Spirit Shwoop Sound] ... baby Aang!

AANG, confused: Well, more like preteen Aang. How do you know my name?

ZUKO, looking around: Wait, where are we?

AANG: Um... this is the-

SOKKA: Don't answer him! He's trying to get information out of you. You can't give away our location!

KATARA: Sokka, he's standing in the middle of our village. I think he knows.

ZUKO: We're here? This is so weird. I was just here for the Annual Penguin Race.

AANG: THERE'S AN ANNUAL PENGUIN RACE?!

ZUKO: Well, yeah, it was your idea... you gave a whole speech about cross-cultural cooperation and friendship, but I know you just wanted to go penguin sledding with a bunch of people...

AANG: Well, I-

SOKKA: Stop giving him more information! He already knows about the penguins!

Everybody else is confused, bewildered and even befuddled except for Iroh, who assumes that it's Spirit Shenanigans™️ and just fully accepts that his nephew likes tea and hugs and Pai Sho sometimes while being his usual shouty surly traumaball self at others.

ZUKO, stepping into the cabin: Hi, Uncle. I brought you some ginseng. How about a game of Pai Sho?

IROH, tearing up a little: I would love that, my nephew.

ZUKO: I wish we could do this more often, but you live so far away...

IROH, mentally calculating that he lives exactly three doors away from Zuko, and nodding sagely: The rat-viper may never climb the mountain that a hog-monkey can, but the monkey does not know what lies underneath it.

ZUKO, sighing sadly: I know, Uncle. I do appreciate my position in life, even if it has disadvantages.

IROH: Hmm. Your move, nephew.

The crew of Zuko's ship is terrified by the fact that whenever it happens, Zuko is somehow even more hyper-competent, seems to be weirdly calm about everything, and most unnervingly of all, he's polite.

SOLDIER: Here is a report on the best teahouses within three days travel of our current location, Sir. And, uh, Commander Zhao sent a messenger hawk.

ZUKO: Excellent. Thank you very much, Sergeant. I think we can ignore whatever Zhao has to say. In reply, I want you to send him a list of the most famous officers in Fire Nation history, and point out that none of them had sideburns. I want to see if he shaves them.

SOLDIER, sweating nervously: O-of course, Sir.

As a matter of fact, the whole fic could just be Zuko trolling Zhao. It would be glorious.

[lxvvie]

Heyyy girliee

I don’t know if you have already done that but I really love your writings and I was thinking about how would the cod guys act like if they were drunk?

For example I can totally see Graves forgetting that we are dating and just trying to get our numbers or Soap having a mental breakdown over everything lmaoo

The Cap'n is mushy. Defenses down. Grinning like he won the jackpot. Quokka cheeks red and prominent. He can't take his eyes off you. He's John Price the man, and John Price the man wants you to know that you're beautiful and the best thing that's ever happened to him. You let him be human for just a moment. You let him forget about the bullshit he faces on a daily.

A drunken Gaz is a sleepy Gaz, and drunk Gaz is tied with drunk Ghost in the clingly koala department. Drunk Gaz can't really sleep without you in his arms, darling, and so when you're in the bed, he's holding you like his life depends on it, your face is buried in his glorious chest, and he'll kiss the top of your head and sleepily murmur how much he loves you, darling. Also tends to think the house is haunted for some reason, so he's holding on to you to protect you? Thanks, Kyle...

Drunk Soap is the mad lad who excitedly tells everyone you said yes to going on a date with him even though you two have been together for a minute. May or may not have started a fight brawl or two with another bar patron for drunkenly hitting on you; the one who'll also take you away snickering while everyone else is still fighting because lmao. Drunk Soap goes to sleep thinking you're in his arms but it's always the dog who’s snoring in his face.

Drunk Ghost is in love with you. Pathetically in love with you. Down bad. So mushy it's disgusting. And cute. Disgustingly cute. Lets his guard down like the Cap'n, and all you see in those dark eyes is you. Everything comes out and it's all YOU. Ghost lets you have your way with him. Cover him in art, sure thing, luv. Color his tattoos in? Why the fuck not? Raspberries on his tummy? What's stopping you, sweetheart? Just... consumed by you, all with a chuckle, a ciggie dangling from his mouth, and you in his arms. He revels in the fact that you love him as much as he loves you. Tells you such in so many words, too. Ghost just fuckin' GLOWS, okay?

Phillip Graves is drunkenly serenading you and telling you all these plans he has about y'all's future together. From the bathroom. While pissing the longest piss known to man. The one who'll also croon 'Darlin'....' and kiss your cheeks a lot because it just does something to him. Just so damn affectionate. He can sing like no one's business, too. He loves to croon Marvin Gaye, Barry White, or the Isley Brothers in your ear. All with that goddamn southern twang. 'Cause he loves his darlin' so MUCH.

König is cackling like the gremlin crackhead he is and you're wondering if he'll ever realize that he's actually hugging and loving on the bedpost and not you. In true troll fashion, though, you record the whole thing and show it to him later, to his mortification. Drunk König also likes to be the little spoon.

When drunk, Horangi gets hot really quickly, and will take his clothes off. ALL his clothes off. And then he's all over you like a cat. He really likes it when you run your hands over his body, though. Goes double if your hands are cold.

Keegan is just fucking needy. Don't leave him, baby. What do you mean you gotta go to the bathroom? What do you mean you need to get a refill? The one who's out getting drunk with the other Ghosts, and he's texting you how much he loves you, how much he needs you, and then proceeds to reveal to you so many things about him, so many things that he thinks would make you leave him, but the things he reveal aren't even secretive or horrible at all (yeah, sure, of course you'd leave him because he and his friends wore the cheerleaders' outfits and he was on top of the pyramid while said cheerleaders played flag football in highschool during homecoming) so what the fuck, Keegan?

Adler is also a sleepy drunk. A sleepy, snoring drunk. A sleepy, snoring drunk who loves to sleep under your plushy throw blanket that he talks shit about when sober because your scent is on it and it helps him de-stress.

[whorelaud]

꒦꒷ 𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 birthday sex ¿¡

pairing bf¡drew starkey x fem¡reader

summary just reader dealing with horny drew while hes away on his birthday

contatins fluff, slightly suggestive, age gap, drew texting like an old man!!

a/n little birthday texting oneshot because i love him so much agh!!

word count 702

ml <3: Where is my happy birthday?

You grinned, perking up when you noticed the message you received from your boyfriend. You typed in a quick response, knowing how sulky he gets when you take long to reply, especially when he’s away. 

You: okay damn straight to the point

You: it hasnt even turned 12 yet :( 

ml <3: Gurl 

You: men used to go to the war

You: now they have sass competitions w/ their girlfriends 😒

ml <3: Lolll 

ml <3: That’s not funny

You: why are you loling then old man

ml <3:: Hey! I’m not that old

You: well

You: u JUST turned 31 

You: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABYYY I LOVE YOU

You: I wish I can see you :( 

ml <3: Hahaha thank youuuu!

ml <3: I love you beautiful 

ml <3: I can't wait to land I miss my pretty girlfriend 

You: stawppp blushes like a slut

ml <3: ??? Excuse me! 

ml <3: Proof? Send picture

You: u nasty

You: are u into that degrading shit

ml <3: I mean

ml <3: I don’t mind it 

ml <3: If you like it then I do and if you don't then it’s okay. Either way I am happy as long as you’re content baby!

You: stop why’d u take that so srsly i was joking

You: is this the perks of turning 31

ml <3: Ugh 🙄

ml <3: You always do this!

You: ugh ure so cute i cant believe ure 21

You: 31* oops

ml <3: Are you shaming me for growing now?

You: no i love u

ml <3: You* 

You: i have a surprise for u

You: i cant wait for u to land 

ml <3: YOU HAVE A SURPRISE FOR ME??? 😇

You: yeahahh 

ml <3: What is it

ml <3: Please show me Please Pleaseeeeee

You: its a surprise i cant :( when u get home i swear!

ml <3: Did you get me condoms? 

You: pardon me!

You: when have i ever gotten you condoms for ur birthday

ml <3: 😏

You: get that skunky face off my screen

ml <3: 😒

You: LMAO 

ml <3: Tell me!

You: i cant baby that will ruin the surprise 

ml <3: Are you like… 

You: ??? am i what

ml <3: did you actually get me condoms

You: why do u keep bringing up the condoms is it on ur birthday wishlist or something

ml <3: It’s not a bad present 

You: DREW. 

ml <3: Can we fuck when I get back

You: oh

ml <3: Ugh I miss you

ml <3: Jus’ thought about fucking you and now I’m horny

You: are u like

ml <3: Am I what baby

You: are u trolling ahaha is this a joke

ml <3: …

You: drew omff

You: why would you say that

ml <3: Sorry baby

ml <3: Fuck I miss your lips

You: which ones

You: i take that back please dont answer

ml <3: Both

ml <3: Can we have birthday sex please

You: hello??? where did that come from

ml <3:: Sorry I’m horny

ml <3: Do you think it feels different from normal sex

You: well if i had to guess it would probably be more thrilling, maybe?

ml <3: We should test out that theory

ml <3: Verify whether it’s true 

You: shush omg

You: u suck

ml <3: My dick

ml <3: can you suck my dick when I’m back

You: omg shut up

ml <3: Is that a no? :( 

You: yeah… ur 31!!! too old 4 me

ml <3: Nah you're right I could be your father

You: k its not that bad

You: it’s only 4 years

ml <3: 6*

ml <3: actually

ml <3: 7 now what the fuck

You: STOPP 

You: ure so cute please marry me 

ml <3: Lol 

ml <3: I’m horny

You: drew omg

ml <3: Should I rub one out in the plane bathroom?

You: 🤦‍♀️

You: just wait until ure back 

ml <3: Wait

ml <3: WAIT AXTUALLY? 

You: WHAT

ml <3: ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS

ml <3: Omg I am so Excited 

You: loser 

ml <3: So, birthday sex yeah?

You: i hate you

ml <3: i love you too baby