#i love him so much he's helped me find so much joy in being transmasc

[ragefear]

!!

OKAY SO LET ME TELL YALL ABOUT HISATO

Hisato Uchida is my Jotaro ship OC that I created in November 2022 to help me cope with the horrors! He's 5'3" and trans and grew up with Jotaro as childhood best friends who grew apart as Hisato hits puberty and as Jotaro starts to become a hearthrob in their school. Their parents remain friends, but they don't start to reconnect until Hisato gets a haircut and starts wearing the boys' uniform, telling Jotaro in a heart-pounding rooftop confession that he's never really felt like a girl. And just when everything is blowing up at school, Jotaro starts seeing a mysterious purple ghost...

Personality wise, Hisato can be a little abrasive, as he's someone who spends his life expecting to be on the defensive. He's always surprised when people actually LIKE him. He just got pulled out of the closet and let me tell you, he's coming out SWINGING.

Hisato's dynamic with Jotaro is that he's been in love with him since childhood, but never had a way to process it since he had other things going on. Jotaro's dynamic with Hisato is literally this:

It's that classic Part 3 fic where the OC goes on the whole Stardust Crusaders journey and has a slow burn romance with Jotaro, but with the flavour of reconnecting a friendship you thought you'd lost, and also getting some Good Gender out of the whole deal.

Also, for the record, I have I think 13 AUs for Hisataro that I've worked on with my good friend @radioactivecatboy . He'll just occasionally wake up to 134 messages in his DMs about it. Out of all of them I think my favourite is the Theatreverse, where I've taken literally all of my OCs and stuck them in a college theatre. Hisato is a stage manager, just so you know. My second favourite is probably the Yakuza AU, mostly because we've created some INSANE comedy between Jotaro and Hisato's found family (Dio, and the OC I ship with Dio, Lucifer).

Here's some of my art of Hisato!

(he gets his tits mauled off by a bisexual vampire and I think that's really cash money of him)

And here's some art that I commissioned, done by the phenomenal @goatpaste!

Literally obsessed with the colours and shapes here. Images I would eat for breakfast AND lunch tbh

Anyways!!! Thank-you for asking about one of my favourite things to talk about!!!! My good friend Hisato 💚💚💚

[sebstooaroaceforthis]

not only am i sad about the tiktok ban, i am also mad.

i am sad, because that was the place where i met the love of my life that i am still with to this day, and have no doubt that i will forever be.

i am sad, because that was the place that i found the LGBTQIA+ community, that helped to break down and destroy the internalized queerphobia i had, and help me have the courage to discover and come out as a transguy.

i am sad, because that was the place i made friends, friends who may have now passed, but that was where they were last lived, that was evidence they once existed.

i am sad, because i will no longer have the opportunity to record the progress of my life on testosterone there. i’ve been dreaming of that since discovering what being trans was. and i have my appointment to go on testosterone on the 29th of this month. i will never be able to record the progress of it there, to give hope and joy and euphoria to my fellow transmascs, to help them discover themselves and come out.

i am sad, because i will never get to feel seen again by a random stranger on the internet, and feel a bit less alone in this world that i am SO ISOLATED IN.

i am sad, because i am chronically ill, disabled, autistic, mentally ill, only have a singular friend who is on tumblr with me here, and i am unable to go out and have opportunities to find connections and feel seen and feel like i actually exist on this earth, since that was my place to see people who SEE ME TOO.

i am sad, because that was the place i could send my little sweet tiktoks to my angel, the love of my life, every day, to remind it that its loved, that he matters, that it has a purpose on this earth, and has people who think of him throughout the day, every day, always.

and i am mad, because this tiktok ban just tore millions, billions, of incomes, jobs, communities, places of feeling seen, support, and so much more away. this just altered more than half of america, and the livelihood of so many people who are in situations similar to me: disabled, chronically ill, neurodivergent, mentally ill, unsupported, jobless, poor, alone, and so much more.

i am mad, because so many of my brothers, sisters, and siblings, no longer have a place that they feel seen. so many of the queer and trans community, especially minors, will no longer have a place where they are out, respected, and seen for their very existence. and i know just how much that will cause them to turn to sewerslide, SH, and so many other mental health struggles.

i am mad, because this was not a protection of us, this was the act of stripping away a huge chunk of our power, of our very existence. without tiktok, it will be harder to support ourselves, each other, those in Palestine, and get information on what is going on in America; on the next foul, unjust things that the US government will be forcing upon the people in this horrible country. we cannot fight if we cannot band together.

i am absolutely horrified about this. i am absolutely enraged about this. i am absolutely devastated about this.

and i see you all, my fellow queer people, those who are chronically ill, disabled, neurodivergent, poor, and so much more.

i see you all. and i love each and every one of you. and i want you to know that you have a safe space here with me. i will be your support. here. you will continue to be seen. and that is what i have to offer, and will always continue to.

make a home here, and know that there is hope, hope in community. let’s make that community together.

[our-queer-experience]

You wanted some queer joy so here goes, it's gonna be a long one:

I am an over 30 transmasc NB person, bi/pan, and grayromantic. Basically, I'm Queer.

I'm from a country where you still have to go thru the whole process of approval for transition. Year of therapy, diagnosis, psych approval, then endocrinologist for HRT, 1 year hrt, then lawyers and court approval for namechange and surgery, followed by years on waitlists unless u can afford to pay private practice. All this having maybe 1 "expert" in the field for each step in every region, only people who are sanctioned to help you get access to anything, who mostly base their judgment process on stereotypes from 50 years ago.

At 21yo, out since I was 16, I was deemed "too young" to get access to HRT. That was a hit so hard it took me years to fight off the depression and find balance, and try again.

I couldn't get access to HRT until 26. But this set me in a path to look for queer associations and resources, to help people like me not have to go through all that. That's how I met my community, and how I met some of the most wonderful strong trans people to ever exist. I can wholeheartedly say our community owes so much to trans women even now, and every trans woman I know is the most powerful and beautiful woman I've known. The women I've met through this process are incredible, they're superheroes. They're resourceful and smart and strong and can command a room like no other, and the work they do for all of us is what is changing the world every day.

I met beautiful people and friends, deep minds, free souls, kind and soft but strong. I found love all around me, I found that even when I thought I wasn't "man enough" because I'm so small and could only transition "late" there were plenty of gay men who were into me and didn't even imagine I was trans, and tall and beautiful trans women who didn't care that I was shorter than them, and other trans men, and queer cis women who didn't care to live by stereotypes.

I found people who were repulsed by it when they found out, I won't lie to you, but I found a lot more people who were so incredibly naturally accepting that they more than made up for those close minded ones. People that loved me so genuinely for how I was that they made sure I knew the problem wasn't me, even without words. I was beautiful as I was.

I went around and lived my new trans youth loving freely and finally being able to fully live my sexuality without fear, feeling safe among friends.

I eventually found someone who wanted me so much he asked me to be only his. He was good to me, better than anyone has been, so I accepted him. A man who loves my feminine traits as much as he loves my masculine ones. Who loves my small but (unfortunately) still present breasts, and loves my hairy ass and legs, and doesn't want me to shave my face because he thinks I look better with a bit of beard. A masculine man, the type in other occasions I feared could never like me because I wasn't "manly enough", or that I feared could only like me if I was a "femboy". But he likes me as a man, who can be very masc, but sometimes very faggy.

We say "people need to get out and interact with queer people irl" like it's a joke but it is so real.

I know there is so much love out there for all of us, you just need to find your place. Go out there, meet people, find community, get involved in local activism, go to prides. That's how I went to the most beautiful places, and found the most beautiful people. Community can be hard to find, but it is where you can live and thrive. Find them.

Bonus: The first pride I witnessed was in the city where I worked at the time. I was forced to still be in the closet. One day I step out of the train and I'm surrounded by hordes of incredibly queer, proudly trans, very young people. It was as if the air became lighter and clearer. Being around Prides has always been such a healing experience, I wish for everyone to experience that in their life. It changes you. You will see the old and saggy drag queens still slaying, the over 40 gay men in heels being amazing, the kids so much younger than you being so proud in who they are you hope you're shaping the world for them to rule, and all the smiling faces of friends you know and friends to come.

thank you for sharing!

[tss-whumper]

pierrot almost made me cry omg

anw! (if youre comfortable to!)

what about trans whumpee & caretaker & the caretaker (sort of) understands and offers to help.

could be w the sides ngl but it doesnt have to be (if so my brain says remus & virgil but. feel free to change who.)

-🌙

thank you so much for the kind words about pierrot! it was a joy to write, and i might even make a part two if i get the time!

and i love this idea! here are some ideas for trans whumpee scenarios, with some featuring a caretaker who understands one way or another (and i'm gonna make it tss just for funsies!):

(cw -> implied past whump, eating disorders, gender dysphoria, mentions of blood, transphobia)

transmasc/transfemme!virgil who is mute and refuses to speak because their voice doesn't reflect their identity and the idea of their voice being heard gives them extreme dysphoria. this allows many whumpers with bad intentions to take advantage of them one way or another. after all, virgil is just so precious and cute and quiet. there's no way for them to tell anybody about what's happening to them without bringing harm to themselves. what a delicious predicament.

caretaker!logan who when he finds out that whumpee!side is trans, does all the research possible on their identity in order to better support them. this can be a bit humorous if logan stumbles upon outdated sources and whumpee has to correct him on his hilariously out of date terminology ("logan, hon, nobody calls it transsexual anymore.")

whumpees!roman and remus both being trans and both being raised in a transphobic environment, but they are caretakers for each other, being the only ones who understand each other.

whumpee!roman who is transmasc and starving himself to try and make his body appear more masculine.

whumpee!logan who is transmasc having his period and trying to hide it. maybe he bleeds through his pants and caretaker!roman helps him out, while logan is snappy, embarrassed, and unusually emotionally sensitive. roman just affirming his masculinity while scrubbing the blood out of his pants and giving him a heating pad and medicine.

let me know if you guys want more of these!! as a gender non-conforming individual, these are very interesting to make, and i think the whump community needs more trans content.

[ash-rik]

Saw this tag game, but I didn't want to bother anyone so it's tagless. Feel free to do this with your bg3 ocs and tag me or not 🙈

Name: Boon

Pronouns: He/They

Orientation: He's a transmasc enby who's demi and loves women. Sometimes attracted to men but rarely.

Nickname(s): 

Wyll humors Boon when he asks to be his sidekick. They're currently workshopping his sidekick name to go with the Blade of Frontiers because Crossbows of the Outback isn't cutting it. 

When Gale cooks, he tries to explain magic theory to Boon, but only some of it sticks. They refer to each other as master and apprentice for fun. 

Karlach will sometimes call him a rascal and ruffle his hair (they sibling bonded on sight). 

Shadowheart calls him the idiot bard or just an idiot when he does something really stupid, which is often enough that it could be considered a nickname (they're besties). 

Boon's heart warms whenever Jaheira calls him cub. 

He gets hit right in the kokoro when Lae'zel starts calling him “my joy”. 

Star sign: I dunno much about star signs but from a quick search maybe Gemini???

Height: 5'11

Race: Tiefling

Romancing: Lae'zel. They're the classic tale of opposites attract. Boon was drawn to her confidence and honesty, even if it's of a rougher variety. She speaks plainly, which is refreshing for someone in his line of work (thief). Her kindness takes a warped form due to her upbringing, but it's there. He sees it and tries to draw it out. He's gonna serenade that heart of stone of hers.

Favorite fruit: Grapes. He loves the crunchy ones and enjoys piercing into them with his fangs

Favorite season: Spring when it's not too hot or cold and he gets to feel the sun on his skin. Boon loves his crop tops and will go out walking barefoot in the grass or on the beach.

Favorite flower: I'm thinking violets. His mother was a follower of Lliira who favored them. She'd have violets all around the house. Boon has fond memories of tending to them with her.

Favorite scent: The smell of fresh bread and pastries always gets his mouth watering. His parents didn't have a lot of money, but the bakery was one place where they'd let him indulge on occasion.

Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: Coffee and tea. Coffee with a bit of milk and sugar helps him sleep. With tea, he loves that there are so many kinds and likes to try out new blends from different places. 

Average sleep hours: He'll sleep for as long as anyone will let him. So it's more dependent on what's currently going on in his life. Being a thief had him up at odd hours and made him a light sleeper.

Dogs or cats: Both. Every dog he sees, they're a puppy in his eyes. Young or old, big or small, he's happy to shower them in a ton of affection. And he'll spend forever finding the specific way a particular cat would like to be loved and do just that. But if he had to choose between dogs and cats, probably cats. He enjoys figuring them out and being chosen by them. Also, all the purring is very calming. 

Dream trip: Boon hasn't been to any cities outside of Baldur's Gate. He'd find it fun to take a road trip to the major cities along the Sword Coast.

Amount of blankets: Whatever number keeps him snug as a bug in a rug. He enjoys the feeling of being tucked in. Doesn't need as many if he's got someone to cuddle with.

Random fact(s):

Class: Bard/Rogue  

His tail is very flexible and is just as prone to theft as his hands.

He just broke out of prison after getting betrayed by his crew when the nautiloid snatched him up. The crew took him in when he was a kid after his parents were killed, but they didn't think twice to make him a scapegoat. And they didn't really treat him well, which is something he slowly starts to learn and unpack while being with the tadpole crew. Despite being a bunch of weirdos, the tadpole crew treat him far better.

He mistakenly thought Chicken was the name of the owlbear cub because that's what they called him back at the goblin camp. By the time Halsin tells him the truth, the owlbear already responds to the name. Just hoot hoots on over whenever he hears the word chicken. The little guy associates the word with getting loved on.

His dream guardian looked a lot like his mom, which is part of the reason he started munching on tadpoles. The main reason is because he felt incompetent compared to the tadpole crew. You've got a wizard prodigy, a hero of the Sword Coast, a githyanki warrior trained from birth, a vampire spawn, an archdevil's champion, and a Sharran spy/warrior. Then there's him, just some guy with a lute and sticky fingers. He wanted to keep up with the others, be useful to them, and not drag anyone down.

Sometimes when he tries to get out of doing something he doesn't want to do, he refers to himself as “just a little guy”, inferring that he's not up to the task. This ploy works 0.5 percent of the time. 

His parents named him Boon because he's a little boon to their lives given to them by the gods when they asked for a child.

[cookies-over-yonder]

cookies you've given me too much power by giving me any kind of opening to talk about Glenns gender . let me just say you've brought this upon yourself .

gonna word salad in your ask box about Glenn close <3 also just realized you haven't seen the post I made a bit ago about Glenn being transmasc and amab so I can go over that shit again >:] OK ! so !! in my silly little headcannon , Glenn is amab , but also spends every second of his gay little life fucking with gender . I think in like . his late teens-20s he went by she/her and she was super feminine and she absolutely loved every second of it . I don't think she got any surgeries , but she definitely went on estrogen and I think she probably stays on it even after "detransitioning" . but I think then probably in her later 20s/early 30s she realized she was more of a gnc guy than a girl at that point . so in my oh so humble opinion , bringing my beloved wife Morgan into this , Morgan is a lesbian , please and thank you , no I am not taking further questions (I absolutely am please send me Morgan questions I'm begging you) anyways , so personally I think Glenn was probably fem the entire time her and Morgan were together , i also have many thoughts about Morgan's gender , but were not talking abt her rn <3 anyways ! Glenn ! so methinks that around the time when Nick was born glenn was starting to lean more into the nonbinary side , probably using she/they while Nick was like . 1-4 ish ? and then after that it was they/them for a few years and then after Morgan's death they kinda just ... gave up and decided they didn't need to be bothering so much with gender , he needed to be a good father to his kid . one thing about me is I love thinking about Glenn close , the og repressive guy <3 I think after Morgan's death Glenn didn't really notice all the small joys he dropped because of that . he tried to swipe it all under the rug of just things that happen and obviously it has nothing to do with his spouse's death no-siree :D anyways , after Morgan's death Glenn didnt really let themself find joy in many things . he decided he needed to start becoming at least a little bit more of a "normal parent" . he stopped being comfortable expressing the more feminine parts of themself and it absolutely did not help her through morgans death . methinks Morgan was a lot of the reason Glenn was comfortable experimenting with their gender , and now that she's gone , their feminity just reminds him of her , and as Glenn does , she immediately tries to distance himself as far as possible instead of actually dealing with things <3 I do still think glenn stayed on estrogen bcs they were afraid of change (or at least that's what she tells herself) , and also keeps his hair long . bcs of the rocker vibes (no it's bcs of the transgender spotlight aimed at her constantly) but doesn't really allow themself to dress super feminine , cause they're a dude . honestly . for real . 100% a guy . no girl here . but also . sometimes someone will just see them from the back and ask "ma'am?" and Glenn feels her heart skip a beat bcs *yeah that's me I'm maam* but then instinctively stamps it down with a "nah, but dont worry about it , its chill" i think it probably takes glenn a really long time to be comfortable honestly expressing themself again , but I think eventually she does . it's probably when he gets back with Morgan tho , seeing her again and even before they actually get together honestly . I think they were probably just friends for a while when Morgan was still with Jodie , but even being around her made Glenn more comfortable being herself again <3 Glenn is a very genderqueer to me , I think once they're comfortable wirh themselves again they use all pronouns , but traditionally feminine terms still give them that little jolt of euphoria , even if she's still fine and comfortable with other pronouns as well . there's just nothing to him like wearing a dress and being called pretty , that's all <3

ok i could probably keep going but also my thumbs are tired so that's all for rn , anyways <3 hope you enjoy my silly Glenn rant <3 I love her so much <333

i love this so much!! also i will gladly give you all the power you so desire because i adore reading your rambles!! i'm sorry my response isn't as juicy as this entire ask because i've got a bit of a headache coming on but i want you to know that i really do love your interpretation of glenn's gender ♡

[flygefisk]

OOOO OK YOU ASKED FOR PEOPLE TO ASK ABT YOUR DRAGONS IM SO DOWN, so much so im going off anon for this shit /pos gods im obsessed with howl and synder rn, the writing was phenomenal!!! Since on my side fr is doing its maintenance thingy I cannot look at your lair, but id looove to know more about them!!

Like for example, is there any more about Syndor you can lore drop about? Is he a regular ol guy (species wise) or a lil something else?

Oh and Howl!!! Im sorry if its obvious and I just missed it cause its late but what is she?? It sounds like shes some sort of badass zombie but Id love to know

OH AND i am in fact very curious about the most recent anciets you got, they are so so cool!! I adore gentle giant characters, hugging the big ladies finger rn <333 I unfortuantly dont have a lot of ideas for names for either, but the sea monster is giving me K, A, or M vibe names, ones that sound sing songy to speak!

aaaa thank u!! i have. No confidence in my writing tbh so i very much appreciate it <3

syndor, biologically, is a very average dragon. he's just been through some stuff. he is trying very hard to keep his past in the past. after all, his present is so wonderful.

howl's meant to be a little bit unfathomable, so fair! but they're not a zombie- the body they're in is totally alive. mortal, even. it bleeds! it hungers! i guess they were reincarnated, but with more intent.

i had written more about what howl was before their death but didn't like the pacing, so i scrapped it. the tl;dr version is she was a girl (who was actually transmasc/genderqueer in an era where that was not an option), murdered by a suitor. a wild god found the body, found the wild thing that was howl, and gave it a new life. their initial story + the scrapped portion is under the cut if you want the whole thing!

howl and syndor are kinda two sides of the same coin- howl is completely free from its past, living in the present, happy. i'm not sure how much they remember of their last life. syndor, though, is hiding from his past, it sits like a shackle holding him back. he lives in the present, not out of the joy of life, but because he can never go back and feels he doesn't have a future.

they're good for each other like that. syndor helps howl navigate a new world, howl helps syndor find his own way.

tbh i was kinda thinking calypso for her! iiii haven't had a lot of time to think about either of them tbh, its been. a rough week asfsds

once, long ago, there was a girl. this girl was a farmer's daughter, loved by all in the village for her kindness and beauty.

the girl had many suitors. carpenters, merchants, knights, all loved the girl. she never courted any, though. her father hoped she would marry, find some wealthy husband who could support her, and was always quietly disappointed when she turned them away at the door.

the girl knew what she was supposed to do. she often spent time with the other girls in the village, laughing at their talk of boys and secret kisses and nights spent hidden away together. she knew she was meant to marry a man and have his children and clean his home.

to the girl, this sounded like hell on earth.

the girl had something she was hiding- something that lived within her, something wild and angry, that she could not describe. the something rioted against the idea of being a housewife, reviled the thought of motherhood.

its snarls and howls grew louder and louder with every suitor. she was sure that one day, the something would eat her alive.

-

once, long ago, there was a prince. this prince enjoyed traveling his country, meeting folks from all walks of life, giving gifts that, to him, were pocket change, and, to his subjects, were life-changing. it would be easy to assume this habit made the prince a kind man.

the prince met the farmer's daughter, and was struck by her beauty. he took her polite smile and sweet laughter as acceptance of his courtship.

the prince gave the girl and her family lavish gifts- jewelry, silken gowns, bottles of fine wine each costing more than her home. the girl's parents were overjoyed, of course. they would be nobility, if she married the prince, rich beyond their wildest dreams.

the wild something in the girl howled every time she saw the prince. it snarled when he kissed her hand, screeched when he placed another golden chain round her neck.

she imagined its teeth gnawing at her bones, so full of hatred it tore its own skin with sharp fangs and claws. she imagined her own mouth full of fangs like that. she imagined those teeth tearing into the prince's throat. ripping out his honeyed words. clawing out his selfish eyes. staining that fine silk and velvet with dark blood.

how sweet that would be.

-

once, long ago, there was a farmer. he had a daughter, a kind and beautiful girl loved by all who met her. and his daughter had a suitor, a prince who loved the girl.

the farmer loved his daughter, and wanted her to be happy. he felt that she was unhappy sometimes, though she always wore a sweet smile, and he felt it was due to their lifestyle. he was certain if she married the prince, she would be happy. safe from poor harvests and harsh winters. warm, well-fed, and happy.

the prince came calling one day, while the girl was out, so the farmer happily told him where she had gone. the farmer hoped today would be the day the prince proposed.

the girl was picking berries along the creek- she loved walking in the forest, listening to the sounds of the wind and birds and insects rather than the incessant chatter of the village. quiet and peaceful. the wild something was angrier than it had ever been, but it seemed calmer in the forest.

until her quiet afternoon was interrupted. the prince on his white horse, his voice so loud and vain and self-obsessed. the girl's father had been right, the prince had come to ask the girl to marry him. again.

no, she said, for the dozenth time. the wild something growled. he asked again, insistent and irritating. the wild something snarled. again and again he asked, until it was more of a command than a question, and the wild something howled and bit and clawed until it leapt from her throat, her sweet voice full of rage as she rejected him once and for all.

the flash of metal, the tearing of fabric, of skin. the spilling of blood.

she died with his blood under her nails.

-

once, long ago, there was a god. it was a wild, ancient god, one of blood and lust and life. a forest god.

the god scented blood on the air, civilized blood. it cared little for civilized folks, as most gods do. it cared little whether they lived or died. but it was a curious god, so it tracked the scent, bounding on deers' hooves to its source.

the god's paws left no tracks in the bloodsoaked earth around the creature's remains. it touched the weapon buried in the thing's stomach, ran its talons over the strange covering it wore, brushed a bit of hair from its face. the god considered the creature for a moment: its face contorted in rage, its hands and coverings stained dark. there was another scent here, under the obvious blood and rot, one even more familiar to the god.

a wild something, indescribable even to the god of such things, coiled around the body that was once its own. it stared up at the god, its teeth bared. the god raised its head and howled in its many voices, joined soon by the wolves and coyotes and hawks and hares of the forest, in a mournful harmony of all wild things.

the something howled too, until its song became a scream, letting loose all the sorrow and love and rage of a life that would never have been enough.

the forest went silent. the god lowered its head and nuzzled the something, like a doe to her fawn, like a bear to her cub. wild things understand each other. they understand the cycle, that nothing lasts forever and nothing really dies. the god understood the something's desperate plea, no need for words.

another chance.

-

once, not so long ago, there was a man. he walked through an overgrown forest, dirt on his hands and his shovel. he loved walking in the forest, listening to the sounds of nature. it was calming.

he paused near a burbling creek to wash the sweat from his face. he sighed in grim satisfaction- tired, sore, numb. but it was over.

the man realized, after staring into the water for long minutes, that something was different. wrong. the forest was silent here. his eye was drawn to a large stone behind him- half his height or more, veined with black and glittering white patches. on its face, a handprint made of something dark.

a strange impulse took over, something wild within him, and he began to dig.

a scraping sound. crumbling earth. cracking twigs. then, light. sunlight. warm and bright and so welcome after so long in the dirt.

the creature reached out from its grave. its hands- long, clawed, discolored- shook as it pulled itself up. it blinked against the morning light, yawned as though waking from a long nap.

it almost didn't notice the man with the shovel. he stared at it, his expression unreadable. it ignored him, letting the world wash over it: a cool breeze on its face, the sound of the water, of birds and insects, of wind through the leaves, the cloying scent of dark earth giving way to flowers and trees.

finally, the man held out a hand- blistered, covered in soil- and the creature let him pull it from the earth.

the man removed his cloak, wrapping it around the creature's broad shoulders. it rubbed the fabric between its clawed fingers- soft, warm, dark like good soil- and smiled. it should have been frightening, with its sharp teeth, but the man just smiled back.

wild things understand each other.

[disaster-fruit]

Quick Father’s Day special (??

Oxiosa suggested “Mmmh maybe Lu telling Tincho he's pregnant? He found out some days ago but wanted to break the news to him on father's day since it was close anyways?”

Posting here because it’s not good enough for AO3

CW: transmasc character, pregnancy. NOT omegaverse/mpreg

.

Luciano stared at those two little lines for god knows how long.

Though every time he did the test he had his hopes up just once again be met with a negative result, he could never be ready to fully process it when it finally did come out positive.

They had been trying for almost a year, to the point that it almost felt like they'd keep trying forever. They did everything right, followed every instruction - scientific and superstitious. Luciano had stopped his HRT, was eating right, keeping track of his cycle, lighting up candles for the Virgin Mary. Martín kept his phone in his back pocket and, since finding out tight jeans could get in the way of his part of the process, had abandoned half his closet for the time being. They tried night after night, following weird fertility-boosting positions they found on the internet in every crescent moon. Yet, month after month Luciano took the same test, his heart heavy in expectation, and every month the same single line appeared in that godforsaken test.

They were almost losing hope at this point. They had decided to make a baby the old-fashion way because adoption was taking so long, but there was no guarantee it would work. Luciano’s body had changed and wasn't ideal for it, and he wasn’t that young anymore either. From every angle, they were at a disadvantage, and the months of negative tests had only served to prove that this just wasn't for them.

Well, not anymore.

Luciano bought a second test, just to be sure. Two lines, very clear. It was happening.

He had to tell Martín. He had been more nervous than Luciano about the entire thing, sitting alone in the room they had been waiting for the baby that didn't come, staring at the ceiling until Luciano would find him there and come up with an excuse to distract him. He couldn't blame him: Martín wanted to be a father, and Luciano did too, but the odds seemed against them.

Once he fully registered those two blue lines in the test, his first instinct was to run to his husband, announce the news loudly, throw himself in his arms and kiss his face in glory.

Unfortunately Martín wasn’t home. Or fortunately, because a second later Luciano had a much better idea.

Their parents were coming over for lunch on Sunday. It was Father's Day, a family moment, and Martín had mentioned to himself how ironic it was they’d spend a father’s day with no prospects of being fathers anytime soon. There was no better day to deliver the good news.

He kept the two pregnancy tests hidden and did his best to act natural once Martín got home. Refusing wine took some convincing acting, but Martín didn’t seem to suspect a thing, not that night and not a moment until Sunday.

When the day finally came, Luciano woke up already half excited, half nervous for that moment. It was their first child, was there a right way to say it? He stared at those two lines again, trying to find in them the courage he needed.

Martín was preparing their lunch in the kitchen. He looked cute, softly humming a song as he peeled potatoes on the table for his family recipe. Luciano walked in, with the test in his pocket, trying to not give anything away.

— Hi, Tinho. Need any help?

He raised his eyes for a second to look at him, with a small relaxed smile.

— Not really, I’m fine. But if you want to cut some onions I’m not complaining.

Luciano chuckled, walking behind him to settle his hands over his shoulders.

— Yeah, I can do that. But first...

— First what? — Martín raised an eyebrow with a smile, misunderstanding his mischievous tone.

Luciano covered his eyes with one hand and leaned down to whisper in his ear.

— I have a surprise.

— Really? — Martín asked in interest.

With his free hand, he gently took the potato and knife from Martín’s hand, without any resistance. In their place, he put the pregnancy test and uncovered his eyes.

— Happy Father’s Day. — he whispered, throwing his arms around his shoulder.

Martín was staring at the test.

— Is this-

— Uhum. — Luciano didn't let him finish. Instead, he kissed Martín everywhere he could reach, his neck and his hair and his ear, letting him process his shock.

His silence was almost talking too long when suddenly it broke out in laughter. Martín stood up and took Luciano in both arms, hugging him with his entire body, making him spin.

— Finally! I knew it would work! — he announced, kissing Luciano's face in joy. Then, he dropped to his knees to kiss his stomach, his whole face glowing in happiness. — This is wonderful, I-

— I thought today was the perfect day to tell you. — Luciano ran his fingers through Martín’s hair, smiling down at him.

— Wait- How long have you known?

— Just a few days. But hey, isn't that a nice gift?

— It’s the best gift. — he kissed his stomach again a few times before getting up to kiss his mouth. — We have so much to do, we have to tell people and go to the doctor and buy baby clothes! And pregnancy clothes. Baby books, furniture! We need to paint the room-

— Calm down… — Luciano laughed, pressing his hands on his cheeks. — Your enthusiasm is adorable, but you do know we still have nine months to go?

— No! — Martín held him up again, kissing any skin he could find. — I already love this little thing here more than anything in this world!

— Well now I’m jealous. — Luciano teased. — Put me on the ground so we can finish lunch. Though this is kinda perfect timing, we can give my dad the good news today and he won't even notice I didn't buy him a gift. Certainly grandchildren are better than new socks.

— Oh, right. — Martín put him down, clearly having himself forgotten about the lunch with their parents. — God, how am I supposed to think of potatoes now?

Luciano chuckled, caressing his hair.

— I’m sure you’ll manage.

Martín nodded but instead of going back to his task, he brought Luciano close for another kiss, slower and calmer but not any less excited.

— I’ll make it work. — he kissed Luciano’s forehead before pulling away. — Happy Father’s Day.

— Happy Father’s Day.

[jaxsteamblog]

Let’s talk about fanfiction, wish fulfillment, and self inserts.

Specifically, I’d like to talk about my fanfiction.

This is a long post, so I’ll put it under the cut.

But TL;DR: If you take the advice and write what you know, you might end up with some Mary Sues, Self Inserts, and Wish Fulfillment. And That’s Okay.

I always forget that my entire life isn’t up for viewing to the general public. Weird, I know, but I have a problem with reality. Anyway, I want to explore something about my writing that might help out other writers. Especially ones who are just starting out.

I’ve been writing for a long time. Well, sorta. 

Growing up, I didn’t have the best home life. So, like most traumatized children from the suburbs, I retreated into books. I remember reading Pullman’s “His Dark Materials” trilogy and wishing I could find another world like Will. I started reading Poe at 11 and found a place where pain had meaning. The "Old Kingdom” series made me realize women could wield power.  Harry Potter came later, and suffering became a potential for something greater. 

But in high school, I found anime and cartoons. 

My friends were tearing through Gundam smut before I even knew what Sailor Moon was. But I was quickly brought up to speed. And I fell head over heels in love with Vampire Hunter D.

Oof, what gay, non-binary messed up white kid didn’t love VHD?

I really wanted to be a part of something magical and be someone that mattered. I wanted to be special and important.

And in 2004, at the tender age of 15, I started writing fanfiction. You can read the fics that survived the Great Cringe Purge here under my early pen name Nicolai Reh. How cringe is cringe? I took my first boyfriend’s last name.

And guess what? Natalie, Annia, and Spider are all MARY SUE SELF-INSERTS.

I can’t explain how badly I wanted to be loved. How I wanted to prove I could do something great. At that point in my life, everyone was telling me how worthless I was and there were already doubts that I would graduate high school. It was devastating. But I knew who I was on the inside! (At the time.) And guess what? I was amazing enough for someone like D to love!

I wasn’t on the internet much during this time and I’m thankful for that. The cringe shame didn’t soak into me until I was in my 20s and that was mostly the usual stage many 20 year-olds go through on their own. I wanted to be a Real Writer.

I started writing two “serious” novels that I hid and rewrote constantly over the next ten years. (From high school into my 20s.)

“Serenity” was about a woman who falls in love with a vampire, only to have him betray her after he slaughters her town and she spends years hunting him down. At one rewrite, she ends up being sent to the future by two of the vampire’s fledglings. Here you can see I was super into Anne Rice and Samurai Jack.

There was another story whose title is long gone. It’s about a woman who is given god-like powers to create a new world after she and her fiance are victims of a hate crime. But she ends up obsessing over it and by the time she goes back to the “real” world, her fiance thinks she’s dead and has moved on with his life, having a wife and child. This one was mostly to sate my horrific love of world-building. I created a really great world!

And yeah, self-insert Mary Sues with CLEAR wish fulfillment. Both women are pursued by a character that is thematically the same and I even gave him the same name. 

The chemistry never worked out, and it wouldn’t be until I was in my late 20s that I figured out why. The woman protag was my self-insert, to a point. The male was my closeted gender identity that I was desperately seeking but also denying.

Point? Writing taps into our psyche. Professional writers, I’m assuming, are able to use their craft to create stories that can be separated from them. But I will bet money their early works are about them working through their own internal mess. 

When I finally started to get back into writing, it was after I had my child. I was 21, homeless, and just started to go to college. I wrote a novel in 2010 that I attempted to publish online in 2017 but, it’s personal.

You can see some of my original work under another early pen name: Lizaveta Demarkus

It includes the first two chapters of “Lucid.”

Having a kid, going to school, and then getting into the most emotionally devastating romantic relationship of my life destroyed my ability to write. I tried to do NaNoWriMo, but it never really worked out.

Then I met my friend, who we’ll call Smol Fury because that’s her nickname.

We love Avatar: The Last Airbender and we would talk shit all the time about it. We both shipped Zutara, but most of our conversations were about plot holes and the disaster that was Korra. 

There I am, heartbroken, living with my parents, newly diagnosed with a series of mental illnesses. I was alone and I was lonely. I was struggling with coming out as non-binary and transmasc.

I remembered my old writing and I flipped through the binder with pages printed out almost twenty years ago. 

I had lost a lot of joy. A lot. I couldn’t write a novel in this stage. I couldn’t think critically enough to think about inciting incidents and mapping out plot points. Foreshadowing, world-building, show don’t tell, said versus shouted; there were a million arguments to be had in creative writing. 

So I wrote about Zuko loving Katara. I gave Zuko the personality from that one male character from my youth and I made him once again have to pursue a broken woman who couldn’t face the truth. I didn’t have to worry about world-building because it was already done. I could just focus on the emotions.

To anyone just starting out, please don’t take the trite criticisms to heart. My main series, the one that keeps me up at night because I ache over it, it’s not that great. It’s not that popular. But I love it because I’m finally, FINALLY getting the words out. I’m finally working through the pain I tried to articulate in 2004. 

If you write because it’s a story you want to read but can’t find, do it. 

If you write because you want someone like Zuko to love you, you have the right to fall in love.

If you write because you want someone like Katara to love you, get in line.

If you want to be the most OP, broken, Mary Sue, multi-bender who rivals all the Avatars combined, go for it!

You are not the only one who wants a story like that. Every story, after all, shows us that we’re not alone. 

I’m not Pullman or Nix or R*wling (thank christ) or Poe but I am a regular person that goes through similar things as a bunch of other people. I write what I know and what I want.

Don’t let anyone stop you from doing the same. 

Please keep writing.

[fromthemouthofkings]

10 Favorite Characters

Thank you @wisteria-lodge​ for tagging me!!

1. Grand Admiral Thrawn (the Thrawn trilogy by Timothy Zahn)

I stan 1 (one) blue alien Sherlock Holmes

[image description: the cover of The Last Command by Timothy Zahn, showing Thrawn as a blue-skinned humanoid with blue-black hair and glowing red eyes, wearing a white Imperial uniform. end id]

So I’m specifically talking about the book character here; I have no idea what’s going on in the Star Wars TV shows. But Thrawn of the Star Wars Legends universe (and the newer canon book, Thrawn) is hands-down one of the best and most interesting characters I’ve ever seen. He’s brilliant, creating battle strategies by studying his opponents’ cultural art to understand their cultural psychology and look for weaknesses in their thinking. And despite being a morally grey character, he’s not unduly arrogant and is actually extremely likeable--he has to work hard to get into the Imperial command structure that heavily discriminates against non-humans, his motivation is the best interest of his people, the Chiss, and he is always willing to explain his thinking to his close allies and friends. And who else would respond to being stabbed by smiling and saying, “But it was so artistically done?”

2. Beren (specifically, from Philosopher-At-Large’s script/screenplay adaptation of Tolkien’s story of Beren and Luthien, A Boy, A Girl, & A Dog: The Lay of Leithian Dramatic Script Project, which can be read in full here: https://rustbucket.net/leithian/index.html)

Do we not all want to yell at the gods about theodicy until they answer our questions to our satisfaction? I specifically pick Beren not from the original Silmarillion, as much as I love Tolkien’s work, but from Philosopher-At-Large’s script retelling, because A Boy, A Girl, & A Dog might just be my favorite work of literature of all time--fanwork, original fiction, or otherwise. I stumbled across it via a fanart of Beren on DeviantArt, like, six or seven years ago that referenced it, and my life has never been the same. It was hard to pick a favorite character, since literally all of the Script’s characters hold a special place in my heart, but I love Beren’s gentle, dry humor and his grim, determined, reckless stubbornness. His relationship with Luthien is of course the driving point of the story, but I thought that his relationships with Finrod and the other members of their company, and his backstory in Dorthonian and his interactions with the Valar were spectacularly done as well. This story is full of the grim determination to at least try and keep loving people, to keep throwing yourself at a problem and refuse to back down until you find a satisfactory solution, and Beren is right there at the heart of that, and I think that makes him pretty hopepunk.

3. Hamlet (Hamlet by William Shakespeare)

What is there to say about Hamlet that hasn’t already been said a thousand times by people significantly more learned and eloquent than me? I love him. He’s a genre-savvy protagonist trapped in a world where nothing! Fucking! Makes! Sense! My poor emo boy. I feel so much for him, being trapped in a situation where he needs to learn the truth in order to move forward and finally act, but there’s no way for him to get at the truth, so instead he just spirals further and further into fey, frustrated, erratic “madness.” Such a disaster bi. Definitely in love with his tired functional gay bf Horatio. Drama queen and Pretentious Asshole TM. In any decent modern au, he loves Hot Topic and gets all his clothes from there. I don’t even really do theater, but I’d love to have a chance to play him onstage.

4. James Dunworthy (the Oxford Time Travel series by Connie Willis)

The Oxford Time Travel series by Connie Willis ranges from hilarious (To Say Nothing of the Dog) to heartbreaking (Doomsday Book) and Mr. Dunworthy is right in the middle of all of it. For those who haven’t read it, the premise of the series is that time travel has been discovered, but we can’t use it to change the past, so instead it’s mainly just used by historians going back in time to study history, and Mr. Dunworthy is the head of the history department at Oxford University in the year 2060. He might be strict, but he has strong dad vibes, and, just, cares so much for all of his historians. He basically adopts Colin when Colin is stranded in Oxford over Christmas during an epidemic, he regularly puts himself in danger to look for lost historians, he helped invent time travel, and he knows that the point of studying the past is caring about the people who lived there. I want him to be my dad.

5. The 9th Doctor (Doctor Who)

Okay, I love 10 and 12 and 13 almost as much as I love 9, but 9 has to be my favorite Doctor. He was my first doctor, and what really got me hooked on the series was his kindness--hard-won and hard-clung to after the trauma of the time war. It isn’t always easy for him--the time war took everything away from him, and you can see how he’s tempted to be angry and bitter and harsh--but even so, he insists on helping people, on atoning for his mistakes, on nonviolence and using kindness and cleverness to fix things instead of violence and hate. He says, guns are bad and bananas are good, and every person is important, and when asked if he’s a coward or a killer, he says, “Coward. Any day.” And that philosophy, that choice, has left a deep impact on me.

[image description: gif of the 9th doctor saying “Who said you’re not important?” from New Who Season 1 episode 8, “Father’s Day.” end id]

6. Eliot Spencer (Leverage)

The whole premise of a group of thieves, criminals and con artists getting together to take down corrupt people in power is great, and Eliot is my favorite. He may have done some seriously bad shit in the past, but now he’s just devoted to taking care of the team, and particularly his hacker and his thief. I don’t know that he believes he’s worthy of their love, but he’s still somehow the most mature and emotionally stable member of the team; he knows how to control his anger and live alongside his regrets, and despite his grumbling, he dives headfirst into protecting the rest of the team and keeping them safe. Bonus points for being in an almost-canon ot3, and for the passion that he brings to his cooking. Also, I headcanon him as gray aro and transmasc, because I can.

[image description: gif of Eliot standing back-to-back with Parker and Hardison. end id]

7. Jon Sims (The Magnus Archives)

I’m only on season 3 of TMA so far, but I love Jon with all my heart. Working at a supernatural research institute, after having had a supernatural encounter of your own, and still choosing not to really believe in the supernatural until it knocks down the door to your office and riddles you with worms? Big mood. He’s a stubborn workaholic disaster ace, and I relate because I too struggle to interact with people and tend to get lost in obscure research projects for hours at a time. Somebody give this boy a hug and then a nap.

8. River Taam (Firefly)

Once again, there are a lot of good characters in Firefly, and I was hard-pressed to pick just one of them to put on this list. But River is a sweet summer child slowly overcoming trauma to find the joy and delight in the world around her that she had before the Academy, and I want all the best things for her. Bonus points go to Simon, who gave up everything he knew to save his sister, and Mal, who stubbornly sticks to his own code of honor even after loosing the war and much of his faith.

9. Lancelot (The Once and Future King by T. H. White)

A splendidly complex and morally grey take on our favorite legendary hero. T. H. White writes a Lancelot who struggles deeply with guilt and pride and imposter syndrome--who struggles desperately to do what is right and to channel the traits he finds in himself--both strengths and flaws--into doing the right thing. His scrupulosity is sadly relatable, and the lines “It is so fatally easy to make young children believe that they are horrible” and “ You could not give up a human heart as you could give up drinking. The drink was yours, and you could give it up: but your lover’s soul was not your own: it was not at your disposal; you had a duty towards it” are both absolutely haunting. It’s only implied in the book, but T. H. White admitted in letters that Lancelot enjoys pain, and is probably bi as well, and a bit in love with Arthur, and that he feels very guilty about it, and I just want a fluffy modern adaptation where Arthur and Guenevere and Lancelot can be in the kinky ployamarous triad that they deserve and just be happy together.

10. Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling)

While I have some problems these days with the Harry Potter series and the transphobia of its author, it’s possible to like something without minimizing its flaws, and this list would not be complete without Luna Lovegood. I spent significant portions of middle school pretending to be her. She taught me how to embrace my own unabashed weirdness, and I wouldn't be the same without her.

@a-nerdy-shade-of-purple @conan-concocting-chaos @one-supportive-august​ @the-lyra-cal-trans​ @the-eleftheria​ @dumpstertrash​

[imbringingexyback]

Trans ask-thingy

I should have really seen this coming when I made @a-chilleus​ do all the questions earlier :’)

1. what is your gender? nonbinary, transmasc. I would say male but the lack of fucks I give about having a dick makes me question it

2. what are your pronouns? He/him or they/them. He/him mainly as its easier for people to use

3. what is your gender presentation like? In a word. Gay. I love dungarees but also mostly wear super skinny jeans & floral/very jazzy shirts. I love rainbows & stripey tops as well as crop tops & cut-off vests. I don’t really wear any jewellery other than my ear piercings, ‘the one ring’ from LOTR that my Dad made & the flag bracelets I made (Trans, ace & gay)

4. what is your Gender Euphoria Outfit? Not sure really but a t-shirt/shirt that is loose enough to hide my hips & not feel uncomfortable but fitted enough to show off my frame. Probably black skinny jeans & one of my many floral shirts with my glittery gold brogues

5. what makes you feel validated? Being called the right pronouns, people seeing my as male/non-binary without any doubt about my identity (e.g. my housemate treating me just like she does her other male friends automatically because she forgets people see me as ‘female’, or people saying they could never see me as female). Also, people not being surprised by my femininity when inhabiting queer spaces as I’m just a camp guy

6. top five favorite parts of your body (n why you love them)? I like my hair as it was really blond but I like it now it’s dyed red & its still soft & fluffy. I like my freckles because they constantly multiply & are cute af. I like my eyes because they’re electric blue & so detailed with flecks of greyer blue. I like my collarbones as I like fiddling with them. Finally, I like my neck because although I want a deeper voice & stuff my neck looks cool in pictures sometimes.

7. favorite trans meme/bit of trans humor? I also like the very common trans names like @a-chilleus​ said. Me & my housemate have a joke where I loudly (& in a panicked tone) go “where is my dick?!!!” & act like i’m frantically looking for it because it makes us laugh. I just like most trans memes because they’re relatable and cis people don’t get them

8. how did you pick your name? Can’t really remember other than it being between Elliot & Robin & then me realising I really didn’t like Elliot cause its close to my deadname. I don’t really like Robin either so now I need to find a new one

9. what does your name mean? apparently it means ‘fame-bright’ & is of French & German origin

10. do you have any trans pride merch? I like it being called ‘merch’ like we’re a band! I have a trans-flag woven bracelet I made, a trans flag, a number of gender-related t-shirts including the Stonewall one & ‘Gender does not define a dragon’ & a fuck tonne of pronoun badges & pin/enamel badges

11. recent happy trans moment? Meeting Esme (@a-chilleus​) & talking trans stuff with them whilst on camp & then just like hinting to our friends Gareth &Lizzy that I was a raging tran by showing them pictures where I have a trans flag around me & being in the men’s changing-room with them. Like honestly that was so freeing cause we got to educate our (very accepting) cis friends on some memes & hard shit & I got to overshare so much 😉

12. favorite trans headcanon? Trans Peter Parker. It makes so much sense to me & I’d love the representation.

13. favorite canon trans character? Non-binary Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens) is fully cannon as they’re angels & I’m still in love with it! Jake in Tales of the City is an awesome trans character too & I love him

14. favorite trans blog(s)/trans blogger(s)? definitely @a-chilleus​ because they have the same interests as me, @born2jasper​ because Jasper is my best buddy at uni & when he does blog it’s cool shit

15. favorite trans celebrity? Oh my. Fox Fisher does amazing work for trans activism & they’re a cutie. Elliot Fletcher I’ve been a fan of since he was regularly on a trans youtube channel & now hes been in TV shows & repping the trans community. Laverne Cox of course. Indya Moore for their no-shit attitude.

16. song that gives you Big Trans Feels? Wrabel- The Village, is literally about being trans & having no-one in your family accept you but it being “something wrong with the village” rather than it being about you being wrong. It was written after Trump did all the shit things to trans people. Literally the line “it’s a lie though, burying disciples, one page of the bible isn’t worth a life” makes me cry cause of all the trans people who feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel for them. The music video left me sad but it’s an amazing song

17. something you wish you could tell your younger self? You’re not broken, & your friends have your back & will accept and love for who you are, not who you pretend to be. Society is gonna fuck you up but you’re stronger than you think

18. what would your Ideal Fashion Look be?

i mean i’m living my idea fashion look tbh

19. (how) does your gender relate to your sexuality? Just makes me gayer but I’m still ace so…

20. do you have a comfort item? Blankets mostly at uni cause I snuggle under them/with them cause that helps my sensory overload calm down. Big comfy jumpers are good for when I feel like hiding my body

21. what makes you feel euphoric? When strangers call me ‘he’, when dogs like me, when I’m accepted into a new group as ‘one of the lads’. When I look more masc face-wise (if that makes sense)

22. what genre of media would you love to see more trans characters in? all genre’s tbh as there is a lack in every genre. But definitely fantasy & action. I’d love to see a bad guy get slapped with a packer to distract them because the trans hero had nothing else to throw :’)

23. claim something as trans culture. Walking around going ‘masc masc masc’ or ‘lads lads lads’ is trans culture

24. give some love to your trans friends/mutuals (alt: give some love to the trans community in general) I’ve tagged the ones I know mostly but to every trans person who sees this. YOU’VE DOING SO GREAT, YOU LOOK GREAT, YOU’RE VOICE IS WONDERFUL. YOU ARE SIMPLY KILLING IT!!

25. what’s your favorite part of being trans? Tbh the memes are pretty solid. But honestly, it’s the community you find in each other when you need It, it’s the joy of finding out someone else you know is trans, it’s the celebration of the little &big things together. I especially enjoy knowing there are people that get why I have to triple check that I’m flat before going anywhere, the cis friends who will go into men’s bathrooms with me to scope them out & just the re-defined masculinity & femininity.

[jasperphoenixx]

TW // mental health struggles, hospitalization (briefly)

I had never been one for religion.

I never understood that "light" that people feel when they commune with their deities.

I didn't get why it comforted them so much. I never had that experience.

The first deity I ever worked with was Hekate. She came to me at my lowest point, after I was hospitalized for psychosis and I was lost and relapsing and didn't want to be here anymore.

She helped guide me out of the dark. She helped me navigate the crossroads that led me to where I am today and I am eternally grateful.

It's been just over a year since then, and I've moved across the country into a healthy, happy, safe space, started openly being who I am, healing, and started honoring many different hellenic gods, but lately there have been a few who I've connected with more than others.

I've never felt more handsome, beautiful, and confident than since I started working with Aphrodite. I've had a LOT of horrible luck in relationships and a lot of trauma stemming from that. She's helped me start knowing how to love myself, and how to love others in healthy ways. She's protected me from potentially harmful encounters, she's helped me see what I want out of love and relationships of all forms with other people.

Dionysus has taught me to embrace the religious aspect of life I always shunned and revel in it. To find fun and joy in everything I do. To moderate and handle my alcohol intake. He helped me come back from my psychosis.

I feel so at home, so comforted, so safe when I commune with Hermes and when I leave offerings for him. I feel secure every time I leave my house and send a prayer to him. I feel him in the wind, and in the sunlight. Hes taught me to find and make humor in my everday. He's helped me start learning how to communicate openly and effectively, brought luck and light to my days, and so much more.

I recently realized that the Twins have been watching over me for years. Artemis watched over me for the first portion of my life as a young girl, and Apollo has been watching over me on my journey as a transmasc, as an herbal healer, he's with me when I practice divination, when i make music....

I get it now.