#i love hearing y'all's thoughts and writing and stuff!! its like youre knocking on my door and giving me free food

[pip-n-chips]

The Harper pregnancy asks got my brain juices flowing so please indulge me for a hot minute.

What if PC got married down the road and it turns out that her spouse is infertile. Spouse seems blissfully unaware and PC thinks it's on her end it out so she approaches Harper for help. Who initially sees this as an opportunity to just make some more cash via pictures or videos (the way he does during his Friday visits in game) and test some new fertility drugs he's cooked up. While she's happily taking them, Harper is looking through his list of regulars to find matches who look closer to PC's spouse. Can't have the kid looking TOO different, right? And he prides himself on providing excellent service.

He starts inviting her over twice a week under the guise of treating her infertility while in reality, he's hypnotizing her and letting her get fucked by his regulars. Really, just a way to make some quick cash. He's not TOO emotionally involved in this.

But our good doctor pretty much starts salivating when PC does end up pregnant and shows up for regular check ups. He cannot stop touching her belly, maybe shows her how to knead her breasts to help with lactation later on, takes so many measurements and asks invasive questions, is just a general creep who is quickly becoming obsessed with having PC carry his kid. He's so mad at his past self, he should have been the one to knock her up, everything else be damned. He can hypnotize her still, sure, and he does so (rubbing his dick all over the curve of her belly. Making her use her growing breasts. Having her bounce on his dick later on and Harper rubs his hands all over her, he cannot get enough) but it's just not the same.

So when PC shows up again a year or two after having the first kid, looking down and miserable because her and her spouse have been trying again but it seems the treatment needs to be reapplied, Harper jumps on the opportunity. He becomes obsessed the second PC says 'We'd like to have another baby'. He acts all sympathetic and soothing and reassures her that he will look into it again, to please come back in a week. Because he wants to prepare for this properly. Meanwhile, his mind switched to the fast lane and his thoughts are racing. No way he's contacting his regulars again. This time, it'll be his child. He can potentially explain away the looks by going 'PC is an orphan, maybe the kid got their looks from PC's parents' and he is curious to see how his child's pregnancy data/stats would compare to the other one but that's when it hits him. He can give PC stronger meds. Give her additional shots. She could have twins. Maybe triplets.

Harper's hand is down his pants before he can stop himself.

He'll fuck her so well. Fill up her aching, empty womb, again and again and again. Maybe hypnotize her and make her stay after hours so he can truly indulge. Take a video of her sitting on an examination table, legs spread and gaze glassy. Harper instructing her to say things like 'I'm going to be impregnated by Doctor Harper today. I couldn't be happier' or 'Doctor, please, come inside of me.' She'd look so pretty and big and she'd have to visit him so often to make sure the pregnancy is progressing as intended. He might get to indulge himself every day. Take so many pictures. Let his hands roam, chart every inch of skin and jot down the results. Get his mouth on her breasts. He really could induce early lactation this time around, drink her creamy milk, get samples for his research.

Harper cannot fucking wait.

The next appointment PC shows up for, Harper's waiting for her with a smile and some very good news. (And maybe, just maybe, he is already planning her third pregnancy.)

holy shit, anon

Harper isn't the only one salivating anymore cuz hot damn

[m-aster-of-spinjitzu]

orange and gold

...I just need more Cole and Vania content, they seem like they'd be great friends.

Basically it's just 'Cole goes to visit her there, they almost burn down the kitchen, and make way too many puns', lol.

Set a few months after Master of the Mountain, but before Seabound or The Island.

Also yeah, I couldn't think of a better title, sue me- I just know that they wear one of the colours at some point, so... 🤦‍♀️😂

Trigger warnings: none I think? Huh-

Also, bingo!! I really need to learn better time management, dear freaking gosh- I hope I'm not too late though? I know it's like half a day late, eek- and I was supposed to post this earlier, but I ended up literally falling asleep while writing it😂

Thank you so much Fabro, for hosting such a cool event!:D Your comments on my fics literally never fail to make my day<3. And I'm so glad that I met so many awesome, really skilled people through this event too - it's been a lot of fun working alongside y'all:D, I wish I'd had more time to interact instead of posting stuff and vanishing lol, but exams be like:////

Prompt: cooking (does baking count as cooking? I realized too late lol-) from @ninjago-bingo 's warm board.

Word Count: 2497

---

Trying to escape from killer dire-bats hadn't been on Cole's to do list today - although the mountains were kind of beautiful.

It was a bit difficult to see them while he was being dragged to his death, but hey, didn't Jay always tell them to be more positive?

That was, until he made the mistake of looking down.

Miles of snowcapped mountains touched the pastel blue sky, but he was more focused on exactly how high he was from the ground.

Great.

Trying to swing back onto the Bounty, he didn't notice a golden-winged blur shoot past the bat, almost dropping their spear in haste.

"Let my friend go, or I'll-"

"Vania?"

She throws the spear at the bird, successfully knocking one of its wings.

Huh. She must've been practicing - throwing with accuracy while flying seemed kinda difficult.

"I'm so sorry!" she replies, grabbing his arm before he fell down too. She winces at the strain on her wings, almost dropping him onto the deck. "I was supposed to come earlier, but there was an issue with one of the mines, and it took forever to-"

"There ain't anything in this world that's managed to kill me yet," he replies jokingly, checking that the autopilot hadn't been damaged. "I doubt an angry bird is going to be the first."

"Didn't you mention that you became a ghost once? Pretty sure that means you were dead-"

"Shh, that's not an important detail," he jokes.

"If you say so," she replies with a grin. "Did I mention that Chompy's been tearing down the palace flower arrangements again?"

"Send my regards to the gardener-"

"Did you just make a pun?"

"Remind me why I decided to visit you again?"

"Because you love me?" she asks stepping onto the ground as the Bounty landed gently.

"I hereby crown you as my platonic soulmate," Cole deadpans, taking her hand. "Vania and Cole-"

"Destined to annoy each other for eternity," she giggles, swinging their hands up and down. "But seriously - thanks. I don't think I realized how much work being a queen was."

"What's it like?"

"I mean - I'm glad that people trust me, and they come to me if they have a problem, but the paperwork is a nightmare. I never get to go outside anymore, I swear."

"Paperwork? Also, you just invited me here for a week. I don't wanna disturb you?"

"Nah, I cleared my schedule, don't worry. And trust me, you don't want to know. Everything requires some sort of official written thing, and it's so boring-"

"Official? But you're the queen?"

"Well, yeah, but I don't really want to change something unless it benefits the people. Not after..."

Her smile dims, eyes straying to the palace walls.

Oh- oh.

"You're nothing like him," Cole says firmly, squeezing her hand. "I mean, if you need to take a break, or you can make your job a bit easier by cutting out something unnecessary, that's just gonna help you become a better queen. You've definitely got the interests of your people at heart, and that's the most important thing, you know? And well, uh, everything seems to be going great so far - you don't have to beat yourself up over someone else's mistakes."

"Thanks," she replies softly, her smile slowly returning. "Speaking of breaks, what do you think we should do this time?"

"You could show me around the city again?"

"You've already seen everything cool," Vania giggles, skipping ahead of him. "We don't renovate much - unlike you guys-"

"Hey, it's not our fault that our city gets destroyed every few months-"

"More like every few days," she teases, tying back her golden hair. "How about we find some dragons to adopt?"

"Tempting, but where would you keep them?"

"They could sleep in my room-"

She breaks off when she notices him laughing. "What?"

"N- nothing," Cole replies, in between laughs. "Jay and I just made a bet."

"On what?"

"How many dragons you've adopted. I bet at least six, he bet fifteen."

"Well, jokes on both of you - I'm pretty sure my advisor's going to throw a fit if I show up with another one," she starts, giggling. "We've got twenty living in the palace right now."

"Twenty dragons?"

"They're so cute! You just look into their adorable little eyes," Vania pauses for breath, continuing her animated gesturing, "and you can't help but wanna hug them!"

"Oh, Jay's going to be so mad."

"Aww, I'm sorry guys. They're just too adorable!"

"...Wanna hear a funny story?"

"Yeah, sure!"

"I actually used to be terrified of dragons-"

"No way!" Vania exclaims. "Y'all have been on a lot of adventures though, so-"

"Nah, we used to have our own dragons at first. They were pretty cool! I just- I'm a simple guy! Huge animals with wings are scary up close when you're barely a teenager."

"Or when you're really short-"

"We're the same height!" Cole exclaims, facepalming in a bit of a fondly exasperated way.

"I'm two years younger than you-"

---

"Ugh, whose idea was this?"

"Yours," Vania grins, sitting down on the kitchen counter.

"You were supposed to help me, not leave me high and dry!" Cole accuses jokingly, staring at all the appliances they'd found in the cupboards.

"'One must always be prepared for new adventures,'" she quotes seamlessly, waving one of- what was his name again? Mulch something? Oh! Clutch! Some explorer he was, leaving them to die in the pyramid - Clutch Powers' books in the air.

"Fine," he sighs, staring at the old recipe book she'd found in one of their back cupboards. "But you've gotta help me? I almost burned down-" "Woah, what? If you finish that sentence with 'kitchen'-" "In my defense, Kai was playing a prank on me-" "In my defense, I wouldn't like to explain how the queen of Shintaro burnt down the palace by teaching one of her friends to cook," she grins, flipping through the pages. "What do you wanna start with?" "Something simple?" "Have you ever tried baking bread before? It's a lot of fun!" "I haven't really had the time, but that sounds kinda interesting."

He skims the recipe, raising his eyebrows. "Wait, why does this take hours? I thought you said it was simple?"

"Trust me, it is," she laughs, adding, "besides, I still wanna hear about all your adventures!" "Uh... okay," Cole replies hesitantly, "but if this fails, I'm so sorry." "Give yourself some credit, you guys literally saved the world! Multiple times!" "Bold of y'all to assume we know how we did it," he laughs, only half-kidding. "Besides. I botched soup once."

"I've botched toast," she mock-sighs, smiling. "Pretty sure that makes us even."

"Lemme get this straight. You've messed up toasting bread, but you can bake it from scratch?"

"Trust me, I don't know either," she giggles, trying to open a brightly coloured packet of... something? Did flour come in packets that small?

"Uh, why are you opening something called 'feast'?" he asks, eyebrows creased in confusion.

"Feast," she echoes, trying to stifle her laughter. "Off to a... rocky start, aren't we?"

It took him a second.

"I already regret this," he jokes, facepalming. "But I'd say that your puns are, uh, gold."

"I've un- unleashed-" breaking off, she half-falls off the counter, laughing so hard her face starts to go red, "a monster."

---

"Uh, is it supposed to look like that?" Cole asks, frowning.

The mixture looked less like the dough he'd been expecting - more like one of Jay's inventions gone wrong.

Badly wrong, he thought, eyes widening at the goopy mess of foam that threatened to spill over the jug.

"The yeast?" Vania echoes, poking her head out of one of the cupboards. "Yeah, all good! It always looks a little gross, and you're gonna doubt ever eating bread again, but at least it doesn't taste like it's fermented-"

"It's what?"

"Yeah," she grimaces, exaggerating her disgust a bit. "If aliens ever fell from the sky, they'd think we were crazy for eating bread-"

"Aliens? I think we're a bit crazy!" Cole exclaims, trying not to laugh.

Vania smiles, then sighs, lugging a huge bag of flour onto the counter. "I can never open these bags properly," she starts, eyeing the the bag a bit warily, "and it always makes such a huge mess all over the kitchen. You'd think they'd make it easier for people to use, right? I swear-"

He jokingly puts his hands over his ears. "I can't hear you!" "But you know that I've sworn off swearing-" she replies, breaking off with a laugh. "Pun not intended - that actually made sense in my head. I swear!"

"No," Cole interjects with a grin, shaking his head. "You don't, remember?"

"See, this is why we're friends-"

"Friends? Is that all I am to you?"

"Oh, be quiet," she shoots back, exaggeratedly dragging a hand down her face. "I mean, sure, just because everyone thinks that we're dating doesn't mean that we-"

Wait. What?

"People think that we're dating?" he asks, clamping a hand over his mouth in a poor attempt to muffle his laughter. "I- I- really?"

"I know, right?"

"Even my friends thought so at first," he confesses, dragging a hand down his face. "I mean, as much as I love you-"

"I love you too," Vania replies, completely seriously. "Even if you'll always be more like an annoying-"

"Hey-"

"Sibling to me than anything else," she finishes, grabbing a pair of scissors. Cole watches, a little alarmed, as she stabs them into the flour bag over and over.

"Is it... supposed to be this difficult to just open the bag? Seems kinda stupid-"

"Well, er, they have this piece of paper with glue that you're supposed to pull away from the rest of the bag, but it never works properly and I-"

"Well, we could always make our own flour," Cole interjects, laughing. "I mean, I've got a scythe? Let's go!"

"Uh, but we don't have wheat growing here. I don't think it'd suit the climate very well?"

"Wheat a shame," Cole sighs jokingly, measuring out the flour (which had, finally, escaped the bag).

"Oh my gosh," Vania deadpans, "you did not just-"

"Yep, I did."

"You're horrible," she giggles, "then again, I was the one who started this whole debacle, so I think we'll share the blame."

"Debacle? Where'd you pick that one up from? Sounds kinda cool-"

"Oh, it's from a book someone wrote about you guys," Vania says casually, pouring a cup of water into the bowl.

"Hey, uh-" Cole starts hesitantly, twisting his fingers back and forth, then breaks off. "Why'd you read all that stuff about us, anyways? Adventure books don't really seem like something you read a lot, since we have similar favorite books. I mean..."

"Well, um..." Vania trails off, clearly uncomfortable. "Uh- I guess, well, it sounds kinda stupid, but I'd never really met anyone my age who wasn't a royal or something. I... er, I didn't want to be left out, you know?"

Cole thinks back to a scroll; a quest, a sacrifice. One that his friends never seemed to really notice, unless it was with horror or flinches. Not that he blamed them, but - joking about how he was much more useful to the team when he was freaking dead than he was before he'd stumbled and fell in the temple?

That had been a bit far, even for his best friend. Locks could always be picked or something, he didn't need to be a ghost to provide some sort of value-

Well, that's not completely true, is it? a small voice questions, and he can't keep his hands from shaking a little.

"Jay here thinks you're the least valuable ninja."

Not enough to be a performer. Now, not good enough to even be a ninja, apparently.

Well, he reminds himself firmly, you don't have to be the best - just stand up to those who are cruel and unjust.

Nothing but a scar that glowed warm orange occasionally left of the whole Cursed Realm ordeal, sometimes it was all too easy to forget - or pretend - that it had never even happened in the first place.

Other times, like when he'd dropped a glass of water on the floor and his hands hadn't stopped shaking for hours, or when he woke up screaming, expecting to fall through his bed again, it still felt like he was trapped as a ghost. Literally - and maybe a little figuratively as well.

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

"Thanks for trusting me with that," he replies softly. "And I'm sorry. That sounds... horrible, but, honestly, you're a pretty cool person, and I ain't just saying that because we're friends. People can be awful, and they can- they can leave, but you don't need to pretend to be someone you're not for people to accept you. I kinda know what it's like, and it's... just, uh, not great."

"No, thank you," Vania says, rubbing her eyes. "You're pretty cool, too. And I'm glad that we become friends, even if wasn't in the- the, er, greatest circumstances."

"Right back at ya. The fall was pretty terrifying, though," Cole says casually, as if memories of that nightmarish plunge into the depths of earth don't still send shivers down his spine.

"No, definitely! I was so sure we were gonna splat onto the ground or something, thank gosh we didn't."

"Yeah..." Cole trails off, reading the recipe they'd been following. "Oh- do we just leave the bowl somewhere for a few hours now?"

"Oh, yeah," Vania answers. "Other than clean up the kitchen, what else do you wanna do?"

"That's kind of you, but, ah, I don't mind. You can choose something."

"I don't mind either," she replies, covering the bowl with a dishcloth. "Seriously, I don't."

"Same here though."

"Really, I don't mind-" Vania breaks off with a laugh, adding, "Well, actually, there is something."

She doesn't elaborate, thoughtfully gazing out the window.

"Well, what is it? Don't keep me in the dark."

"Ugh, it's kinda stupid-"

"I'm sure that it's not- well, unless you want to try to jump off a flying ship with a homemade parachute to prove a bet to someone-"

"Do I even wanna know?"

"...uh, probably not. We're way too crazy sometimes, our Master has a hard time keeping us in check. Your thing, though?"

"Can I give you a hug?"

Cole blinks for a second, expecting some sort of punchline.

"That's your thing?"

"Well, yeah- I mean, I said it was kinda stupid-"

"No no, that's not what I meant. You're so sweet - that's all."

"Well, not more than you-"

"Nah, you're sweeter-"

"Let's just call it a tie," Vania says with a smile, reaching over to give her friend a hug. "Thank you so much, I swear- well, no, I don't, but you know, anyways-"

"Yeah," Cole replies, laughing softly. "I know."

[jills-valentine]

Dinner Time

tw: it's a pretty kinky smut

ship: Leon Kennedy x Fem Reader

a/n: aight y'all it's my 1st time writing stuff like this, so you gotta forgive me if it's bad, i'll try better next time😔

i hope you'll enjoy it @missmamacitaoliveira

The door closed behind you as you stepped in your childhood bedroom. You sighed.

The pink walls and the stuffed animals on your bed made you grin slightly.

"Cute." You could hear, as Leon was looking at one of the snowglobes on your shelf. "But a hotel room could've been better."

"Leon, we've talked about this already. And it's just one night, you can handle." You said, setting your suitcase by the bed.

"Can I really?" He replied.

You turned around to face him.

"What?" He raised his brow.

You sighed with a smile appearing on your face.

He looked cute like that. His hair covering his blue eyes, his cheek scar very visible in the lightning of your room.

"Nothing." You chuckled and wrapped your arms around Leon's waist.

He planted a small kiss on the top of your head. His hand lightly caressed your arm, causing goosebumps all over your body. His fingertips made their way over your neck to your chin.

He lifted it so you'd look him in the eyes. Ah, those blue eyes, sparkling as he looks at you.

He slowly leaned in. His lips brushed lightly against yours.

"I love you." Leon whispered before kissing you passionately.

You cupped his cheeks and deepened the kiss by slipping your tongue in.

Leon groaned quietly, as he pulled you closer to him.

Your hands made their way to Leon's ashy blond hair and gently pulled at them causing Leon to groan again.

As for Leon, his hands made their way to your ass, giving it a light squeeze and causing a soft moan escape your lips.

You could suddenly feel a big bulge near your inner thigh. You smirked when Leon pulled away.

You looked into his eyes, they weren't sparkly, they were filled with lust.

You smirked.

"I'll go get ready for the dinner." You pecked his lips.

He grabbed your wrist, as you wanted to walk away.

"Where do you think you're going, y/n?" He asked, his voice husky.

"We're going to have a dinner with my parents, right? I need to get ready." You smirked again. You looked down at the tent in his pants. "And I'm sure you can handle this without my help." You winked at him reaching for your suitcase and heading to the bathroom.

You could hear how the door from your bedroom got locked. As you grabbed the handle from the bathroom door, you heard a loud moan.

You chuckled and locked yourself in the bathroom.

___________

You stepped out from the shower and wrapped yourself in a towel.

A knock on the door stopped you from reaching the hairbrush.

"Who's that?" You asked.

"Oh, come on, let me in y/n." Leon whined.

You unlocked the door and let him in.

He stopped in the middle.

"Are you doing this on purpose?" He watched you carefully, as you dropped the towel to the floor and reached for your panties and bra.

"What do you mean?" You asked, biting your lip.

"Oh please. You exactly know what I mean." He replied.

You chuckled.

"If I say that it's fun to watch, will that answer satisfy you?" You looked at him.

Leon shook his head.

"Okay, if you want to play, we will play." He said quietly.

"Leon, can you zip my dress, please?" You asked.

He came closer. His finger brushed against your warm skin, as he zipped your dress. Shivers went down your spine.

You sighed quietly and started doing your makeup. You could see Leon taking his shirt off in the mirror. You could feel the heat between your legs.

You crossed them as you continued to do your makeup, from time to time looking at Leon.

________

"Okay, let's go downstairs." You said checking yourself in the mirror for the last time.

You and Leon headed to the dining room, where your parents awaited you two.

"Take a seat children." Your mom said.

You sat beside each other. Your parents opposite of you.

All of you started eating and having a light conversation.

You twitched as you felt Leon's hand on your thigh. You took a look at him, he was focused on talking to your dad and mom. At least that was what you thought.

Your body tensed as you felt his hand making its way to your panties. His finger was rubbing your clothed sex in gentle circles, causing a wet spot to appear on your panties. You tried your best to ignore Leon's actions. You sipped on your wine, when Leon aggresively pressed his finger against your clit.

You choked at your drink.

Your parents looked at you with worry.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" Your mom asked as you couldn't stop coughing.

"Yeah... I'm fine, I'm sorry." You apologized and looked at Leon.

Smirk on his face, as he winked at you.

You couldn't believe this man was doing these things in front of your parents.

He rubbed your clit in slow circles. You could feel a familiar knot appearing in your lower belly.

He went with it long enough for you feeling the climax coming. You tried your best at holding your moans.

For your luck your mom and dad went to the kitchen, as you reached your high.

"Fuck..." You whispered.

Leon chuckled. His finger slipped under your panties and glided it over your folds.

"Leon, please..." You whimpered quietly as he pulled his hand away.

You took a look at him. He licked his finger.

"Mm, so good. Much better than what your mom cooked." He smirked once again.

"I can't believe you, Leon." You said irritated. "Have you gone insane? In front of my parents?"

"You handled it real quiet and don't tell me you didn't like it." He said as your parents came back with a dessert.

"A cherry dessert! Your favourite y/n." Your father handed you the glass.

"Thank you so much." You smiled.

________

You went upstairs and ran to your room. Leon came in and locked the door behind him.

You looked up at him. His shirt unbuttoned in half. His arm muscles visible under the thin fabric. His jeans nicely tight around his thighs.

You bit your lip.

"Enjoying the view, babygirl?" He asked with a low, husky voice.

You nodded licking your lips. He chuckled.

You looked at his face. His gaze lingered on your cleavage.

You took the advantage of him looking at you and you took of your dress.

Leon bit his lip. Carefully watching you.

You wanted to tease him. But you won't let him fuck you. Not in your parents house.

He stepped closer.

"Lay down." He ordered.

You smiled. "What if not?"

"Lay the fuck down." He almost shouted.

You did as he said. He was intimidating.

You watched him throwing his shirt in the corner of your room. He kneeled between your legs.

"Now you can't get away from me, babygirl. I'll fuck you." He stated.

"But Leon, my parents..." You were cut off.

He grabbed you by the throat.

"Not Leon, babygirl. And I don't give a shit about your parents, but if you are so scared that they will hear you scream my name..." His hand tightened around your throat. "Then keep your fucking mouth shut. Understood?"

You nodded, gasping for air.

"Say it." He pulled you even closer.

"Y-yes daddy..." He smirked and let you fall on your back, as you tried to get your breathing back to normal.

He leaned closer and kissed your lips aggresively. His hand pressed hard against your clothed pussy, making your back arch and a loud moan escape your lips.

Shit.

His other hand wrapped around your neck, choking you.

“Now you want to be heard?” He asked. “I’ll give you the chance, then.”

He ripped your panties off.

His hands worked on unclasping your bra. Which he did, with ease.

He started massaging your breasts. He took one of your nipples between his lips, nibbling, licking and sucking on them, causing you to hold your moans in.

Leon let go of your nipple with a loud pop.

“I didn’t really hear you, babygirl. You wanted to be heard.” He said, while he thrusted his finger in your dripping pussy.

You let out a moan, but immediately covered your mouth.

“Fuck...” You whimpered.

Leon shook his head, as he thrusted two more fingers in you. His pace was slow, it was a pure torture.

“Daddy... Please... Faster...” You breathed out.

“No. You know, it’s fun to watch.” He smirked.

He continued to torture you with the slow pace. You could feel the climax coming. It’s almost like Leon knew about it, cause he pulled out his fingers and leaned down.

“Now, it’s dinner time.” He said and got his lips on your clit.

His tongue working up and down your folds.

“Oh my god... I’m gonna...” You whimpered and let out a loud moan as you came on Leon’s tongue.

“Oh, I’m sure your parents heard you.” He laughed.

Your cheeks became red.

“I’ll make sure it happens again.” He whispered and kissed you gently.

He stood up and started searching something in his bag. He streched his arms. All you could hear right now, was the zip from Leon’s jeans.

His pants and boxers dropped down. You bit your lip.

He came back to you and immediately went for a kiss.

“Are you ready, babygirl?” He asked softly this time.

You nodded.

“Good.” He responded and kissed you one more time.

Insane how he went gentle and soft within’ seconds.

He positioned himself and slowly slid inside you.

“Fuck, this already feels so good.” He whimpered.

He began thrusting, picking up a certain pace that was comfortable for both of you.

Honestly, right now, you didn’t give a shit if your parents heard you or not.

You and Leon were a moaning mess.

You pulled him down and connected your lips. You could feel your walls clenching around Leon’s dick and you could feel how Leon’s thrusts became sloppy.

“Just a bit more babygirl... Gosh.” Leon groaned.

You reached your high along with Leon. Breathing heavily, you looked at the man that lied beside you.

“I love you.” You whispered.

He smiled.

“I love you too babygirl.”

[theklient]

yangyang smut with edging or pegging pwease òwó

Hey Demon, it’s ya girl :) dude this was kinda fun to write but I’m still a bit rusty and I tried to make a unique plot for the smut so hopefully you enjoy it too, also y'all have a cat :)

Stuck

“Y/n, I can’t make this shit up.” Ten cackled loudly throughthe phone.

“No, Ten you have to be joking! I don’t know if I’ll even beable to help him because I might be dying on the floor.” You said as you tookthe keys out of your car. You exited the vehicle then reached behind to retrieveyour purse.

Ten continued to chatter on the phone as you speed-walkedthrough the parking lot of your apartment complex.

You had knocked a few times on your door checking to see ifYang Yang would come open it for you. He didn’t, so you resorted to using yourown keys.

“Yang Yang,” you called from the door once you had made itinside. When you didn’t hear a reply from you usually loud and cheerfulboyfriend, a smile grew on your face. You quickly disrobed yourself of your outerwearand shoes, throwing your purse onto the couch.

‘So, it was true,’you thought giggling to yourself as wandered through the apartment.

You took your time as you strode, your eyes noticing smallthings like how there was a now cold cup of tea on the kitchen counter with aphone lying right next to it. The washing machine was blinking indicating that itwas now done. As you turned the corner, low and behold, there was yourboyfriend.

‘My boyfriend is a crackhead.’ you thought frozen in yourposition.

Your almost 6-foot, killer stage-presence, dance prodigy idolboyfriend was right in front of you.

Stuck in the cat flap.

Before you could even form a coherent sentence, laughterexploded from within you. Your eyes tearing up at the sight, it was gettinghard to breathe from how hard you were laughing.

“HOW DID YOU GET LIKE THIS, YANGYANG?” you hollered as youwalked closer to get a better view.

“I know this looks funny, but I’ve been stuck here for halfan hour.” He spoke in a hushed tone.

“Why are you whispering?” you asked now kneeling next tohim, well, his lower half that that was sticking out the back of the cat flap.

“I don’t want the neighbour on the balcony next to us to seeme like this.” He explained seriously which only made you crack up again.

“Yang Yang, this stuff shouldn’t happen in real life, thisstuff only happens to idiots in movies.”

He huffed in annoyance before shaking himself forcefully causingthe door to rattle.

“Hurry up and get me out! This is exactly which I shouldn’thave texted Ten on my watch. As soon as you get me out of this, I’m blockinghim! You know what, I’m gonna block him right now.” he fussed bringing his Applewatch closer to his face.

You couldn’t actually see his face as his upper body was outsidethe cat flap on the balcony, but you could definitely hear him furiously tappingaway on his watch.

A smirk made its way onto your face as you studied his lowerhalf that was before you. He was on his hands and knees, his bottom in the air.

“You know, Yang Yang, this is actually how a lot of pornstarts.” You said matter-of-factly before placing your hand on his lower back.It was an innocent gesture and Yang Yang probably thought you were going toattempt to pull him out

He scoffed at you but then you felt his body go rigid.

“Y/n, the neighbour and his wife are on the balcony next to us!”He whispered quickly. After noticing that you didn’t respond but that your handremained on his lower back, Yang Yang spoke again.

“Why aren’t you getting oil or a hammer or something? Get meout of this!” he snapped in a whisper.

You replied with a low ‘Ok’ before walking off to retrieve something.Yang Yang’s worry dwindled as he heard you walk away. Thinking that you weregoing to fetch something to help him out of the embarrassing situation that hewas currently in.

It was a while before you returned, in fact Yang Yang hadbegun to listen in on the conversation on the other balcony.

‘Who the hell doesn’t believe in aliens?’ he thoughtto himself before he felt your hands grab the sides of his hips. Your coldhands had shocked him and he almost shrieked before remembering he was tryingto keep quiet.

“Finally, you take so long to do anything.” He complainedrolling his eyes even though you couldn’t see him.

It wasn’t until he felt something firm pressing against hisbottom that his eyes widened.

“Um, t-this isn’t-” you swiftly pulled his grey joggingbottoms and briefs down to his knees. His breathed hitched and his head turneddesperately trying to see through flap but failing to see anything.

“Y/n, are you crazy? There are people on the balcony next tous!”

Your hands returned to his hips, gently squeezing andmassaging the flesh. He hadn’t realized that you had gone to retrieve Yang Yang’sfavourite strapon from your closet rather than actually getting something tohelp him out. It would be easy to get him out, all you would need to do isloosen some screws and he would be freed. However, you had decided that youwouldn’t let this fun and risky opportunity slip through your fingers.

You rubbed your already lubed up cock against the soft skinof his behind.

“Baby, why would I waste such a perfect opportunity?” you askedlowly, grinding your neon pink cock against him. You then poured a generous amountof lube on his twitching entrance.

A small whimper escaped him. You smirked to yourself at thesound.

“It’s not everyday I can take you in this position so easily.You’re always so misbehaved, but now, your tight little hole is readily on displayfor me to destroy with my big, hard cock.” You could see his puckered holeclenching at your words.

“A-and if w-we’re caught?” he squeaked, his voice shaky.

“Guess that’s all a part of the fun then, isn’t it?” youanswered lowly, circling your thumb around his hole.

“Fuck,” you heard him hiss as you pushed the tip in slightly.His breathing was stuttered before he spoke again.

“B-be gentle. I don’t know if I can be quiet if you do it soha-” A loud gasp escaped him feeling you thrust so suddenly inside him. Hishand hastily covered his mouth to muffle his moans.

Your thrusts were deep and powerful. Yang Yang’s body shookas you plowed deep inside him. The door rattled with each powerful thrust. Ittruly did look like a scene from a porno.

“Fuck, this is so hot. Look at you, you’re just a dirtybitch who lets me use your tight fuckhole whenever I want.” Your words werefirm but quiet as you thrusted eagerly into him.

The idea of getting caught was both a turn on for both ofyou but you would both also be horrified if the elderly couple next door heard yourlewd acts.

Yang Yang’s one arm that was holding him up gave out afteryou had pounded his hole so hard that he swore he could feel it in his belly. Youwatched intensely at the neon pink dildo disappearing into his throbbing holewith each thrust.

It felt dirty, like he was some gloryhole whore who anyonecould come fuck. His hands and cheek were flat against the balcony floor. Bitinghis lips to prevent any of his high-pitched whines from being heard, he closedhis eyes, imagining he was just some slut with their ass on display and that youwere some horny stranger taking advantage of him.

“Your little ass is devouring this cock like a pro, I betyou just love having a cock rammed into you until you’re gaping wide open.” Yousaid grinding your thick cock into him.

“Mmmph! Please!” he cried as quietly as he could now pushingback against you.

“Fucking cum for me you needy bitch.” You ordered with afinal rough thrust.

His thick, hot cum splattered onto the floor not long afteryou spoke. Slowing down, you halted your movements seeing that he had climaxed.

Falling back onto your bottom after feeling the sting ofexhaustion in your hips and thighs from pounding to him with such force. Youwere both gasping, Yang Yang more rapidly than you after cumming.

You gently pat his bottom that was still propped up in theair.

“You took it so well; I think you deserve to be let out now.”You said with a tired smile followed by an amused giggle when you rememberedthe situation.

Yang Yang could only manage a half-hearted nod as his body twitched.

[sweets-fanfics]

Homecoming 23

Title: Oh, give me a break

Wordcount: 2725

Chapter summary: Reader needs a fuckin break

Tags: @rollyjogerjones @bubbles2465

AN: Im sorry its late *bows*

_____________

Arthur had woken me up early a few days later to say he, Bea and Jack were going to go a bit down the river and fish. I had barely nodded and said yes before falling asleep again. Arthur had smirked and kissed my forehead before the three headed out for the day.

When I woke up later in the morning I put my arms up over my head and stretched. I glanced at the entrance feeling someone was standing there. And sure enough. My day was ruined.

“What Micah?” He was leaning on the wagon our tent is connected to and had a smile on his dirty face.

“I just thought I’d come to see how you slept, Princess.” The sincere-ness in his voice made me want to gag.

“It was good till I saw your face just now.”

“So… how are you and Morgan?” I eyed him as I slipped my shoes on over my jeans. 

“We are happily married, Mr. Bell.” I retort in a deadpan tone. “Why?”

“Well, I’ve been speakin’ to your brother and father…”

“Oh god..” I mumble over him.

“We think the Morgan may not be the man for you.”

“And since when do I care about your opinion?” I lean in to look in Arthur's mirror to comb and braid my hair. 

“Well… because you and cowpoke didn’t legally get married.”

“Micah. I have stuff I have to do today so spit it out.”

“Calm down woman, I’m gettin’ to it.” 

I roll my eyes and push past him towards the coffee. To my dismay, he follows.

“Your brother and father and I think it’ll be best you be with someone else.” I throw my head back and let out a loud laugh. 

“Since when do I give a damn about any of y'alls opinion of my love life. You aren’t even my family so I, even more, give no shits about you.” I took a sip of my coffee letting it wake me up.

“Well, your father and brother think you should be with someone like me.” I choked on my coffee and spit at him getting his face and shirt. “What the hell is your problem?”

“Why would anyone curse a poor woman to be with you? God ain’t that cruel.” I finished my cup and started back for my tent.

Micah grabbed my arm and yanked me back. “I already got your daddy’s permission.” He smirked.

Before my mind could even register I socked him in the nose making him fall back into the dirt. “Keep your nasty hands off me.” I turned towards Dutch’s tent where he was hiding. “How about you go to hell with trying to marry me off to this fucking asshole.”

“Daughter…” He started but I cut him off.

“No. I’m married. Not only am I married, but we also have a daughter. I’m not going to ever give Micah the time of day.” I turn towards him still on the floor. “Come near me, Arthur or my daughter again I’ll kill you.” As I turned on my heels back to the tent I saw Arthur with his jaw dropped and Bea in his arms. “Come on, Arthur. Let’s go.”

“Where are you goin’ wifey?” Micah asks getting up. “To look at those properties that rich ass is going to give you?” 

I stop for a moment before pulling out my pistol and aiming it an inch from his head. “You fucking piece of shit.”

“What properties?” Dutch asks walking up. Henry is behind him too. 

Arthur walks up with Bea still in one arm and has his pistol ready just in case. “It’s nothin’ Dutch,” Arthur says.

“You used to trust me, Arthur. You used to be my brother!” Dutch steps forward and I can see Henry has a gun out. Everyone else in camp is frozen not knowing whether to get involved or not. “You have become such a different person.”

“I think it’s best you let us go cool our heads. I don’t want to break a family apart but I insist. It’s the best thing at the moment.”

“You Insist?” Dutch says in disbelief. I feel like at that moment he may shoot Arthur right away, but thankfully, he doesn’t. Instead, he turns towards me. “I don’t want you to leave. I’ve only had you and your brother in my life for a small amount of time. I’m just doing what I think is best.”

“What you think is best? Or what this rat says is best.” I push the barrel closer. Micah just smirks at me, never moving his eyes away. 

“I know you and Arthur just want Bea to have a safe life. Arthur probably wants to protect her more since he already lost a child.”

I stumble a bit and glance at Arthur. “What’s he talkin’ about?” 

Arthur isn’t able to look me in the eye. “I… It’s nothing...” 

“Daughter… let’s not hurt Micah. Especially if you want to keep me happy.”

“Not entirely, right now,” I mumble.

“And let’s forget about those properties. Your place is with us.” I let out a groan and put my gun away before grabbing Bea from Arthur and heading towards Suzie. “Where are you going?”

“Away from this damn camp.” 

Bea looks at me confused as I put her on Suzie and climb up. Arthur hurries up and looks at me. “Y/N, hold on. Let me grab Athena and we can go somewhere” 

“Not right now, Arthur. You usually tell people you have a family with that you are already a father.” 

“Y/N, wait.” I roll my eyes and turn Suzie away. 

“I’m going to go check on Charlotte. Maybe you can come to find us when you decide you wanna tell me everything.” 

____________

It was late afternoon when I rode up to Charlotte’s property. I could hear pops of a gun and when Bea and I stopped I saw Charlotte trying to aim a repeater at some bottles. She fired but nothing shattered. There was a soft breeze that was carrying over mist from the giant waterfall nearby. Every time she tried to fire the gun birds would scare and fly away from the trees that surrounded the small farm.

I hopped off with Bea and walked up to her. “Miss Charlotte?” I say to make myself known so she doesn’t get scared. 

She glances over her shoulder and smiles. “Y/N, how lovely. I was hoping you’d visit.”

“What are you up to?” I glance at the bottles all lined up and smile.

“I’m feeling much better after your help so I decided to try my husband’s gun. However, my prey seems very unscathed.” She sighs and puts the butt of the gun in the dirty with the barrel facing up.

I take the gun and flip it around making her smile. “I could show you if you need help.” 

“Oh, that would be lovely.”

I put Bea down and she wanders to look at flowers nearby. “Well first,” I put her arms up and straighten them out to the correct position to fire her repeater. She looks at herself as I put the repeater in her hands and point at the bottles. “Alright stay just like that. You are going to take a deep breath and fire on the release. Always shoot on empty lungs.” 

She adjusts herself a bit and then takes a deep breath before firing and hitting the wooden crate the bottles were on making them shake a bit. “Wow. That’s the closest it’s been all day.”

“Good. Now try again.” I step back a bit and give her some space as she follows my instructions and fires making a bottle shatter. We both jump in delight as we look at the glass. 

“I did it!” Charlotte cheers.

“Great job.”

“How about you try, Mrs. Morgan? I bet you are a great shot.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Arthur is probably better at it than me.” 

She simply smiles and hands me the gun. “Go on, my pride won’t be hurt if you are a better shot than my weak work.”

I huff a laugh and take the repeater in my hands. I look at the bottles that are left and I finally take a deep breath and fire twice making two bottles shatter. Charlotte jumps up and smiles. As I turn and look at her I see Bea is also cheering and dancing. “Oh my! I’m never able to reload the gun that fast.”

“Practice I guess.”

“You know what? I still have some of that rabbit. How about you both come in and have some.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose…”

Bea pulls on my pants leg and gives a soft, “I’m hungry.”

Charlotte giggles, “I guess that settles it then.” I pick up Bea and follow Charlotte inside the cabin. She motions for us to sit at her table before turning to grab some bowls.

“If I may ask, how did your husband pass?”

She stops for a moment and sighs, “He was attacked by a bear, he survived and then passed from his injuries a few days later.” There’s an awkward silence as she places bowls in front of me and Bea. She puts a tiny bit of stew in Bea’s bowl and a bigger serving in mine. 

“I’m so sorry.”

“He was extremely optimistic. So am I, I guess. I thought I’d be a little wife in the garden and writing the next great novel.” She smiles to herself as if thinking of a fond memory.

“That sounds like a nice life. But I’m not sure this area is the place for that.” I take a small sip of the stew.

“I see that now. My husband and I were raised with a silver spoon in Chicago.”

“Are you going to go back?”

“No, like my husband I’m very hardheaded when it comes to giving up. I believe I’ll get through this. Especially now with your help.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re willing to give it a fair shot.” There was a soft knock on the door. Charlotte looks at the door confused and I sigh. “He was faster than I thought,” I mumble.

Charlotte gets up and opens the door slowly. “Oh. Mr. Morgan come in.” She opens the door wider and he walks in while taking off his hat. His eyes look a little red and puffy but he tries to hide at as his eyes land on both me and Bea. 

“Daddy!” Bea jumps from her chair and runs to Arthur with her arms wide.

“Hi, little Bea. Let me talk to your Mama and then we’ll play, okay?” 

Charlotte takes Bea’s hand and leads her to the table. “How about we finish our food while the talk, yes?” Bea smiles and follows her willingly while I step out on to the porch. 

Arthur follows and shuts the door behind him. He takes my hand and we sit on the bench that sits on the porch. There is a long silence before he clears his throat. “After Mary left me I met a waitress named Eliza. I don’t believe we ever had any feelings between us, it was more of a one night stand. She was a young girl I never thought it would mean nothin’. But I found out later she was pregnant. His name was Issac. I tried to step up and be a father. I would visit every month and stay for a few days. Leave them some money... Then one day I arrived and there were two crosses outside the house… And I knew they were gone.” Arthur gets quiet. I squeeze his hand.

“Arthur, I…” I can feel tears starting to build up.

“Don’t say you’re sorry. I should have told you.” His arms wrap around me as he pulls me into a hug. I hug him back and kiss his shoulder. “I don’t want to lose you two like I lost them.”

“You won’t lose us, Arthur…”

The door cracks open and Bea’s little face peeks out, “My food is done.” She mumbles.

“Good girl,” I smile as she runs and sits between me and Arthur.

“Is your talk done?” She asks him.

“Yeah, I just had to say sorry to Mama, I was bad earlier.” She looks at him a bit shocked. “I love you, Y/N.”

I smile and lean over to give him a quick kiss, “I love you too.”

_______________

I refused to go to the camp when Arthur asked. I didn’t want Bea around my father or Micah. Arthur sighed and looked out over the lake we were sitting at. Bea was passed out in Arthur’s lap snoring softly. Her soft dark hair felt like silk as I combed her hair from her face.

“Well, where you gonna go?”

“Maybe Luka’s home… I don’t feel safe around my father and I really don’t think you should go back either.”

Arthur scratches the scar on his chin and sighs, “I have to do that damn job with Micah and Bill.”

“Do you what Dutch is planning?” 

“No… and I’m really worried about it.” We look at each other quietly. “If the time comes you take Bea and run.”

“What about you?” I could see the sadness in his eyes.

“I’ll join you when I can safely get away.”

“Arthur no, if we run we are doing it together. I won’t leave you.” 

He leans in and kisses me softly before pulling back and smiling. “I love you so damn much. But if it comes down to me or you…. It’s always going to be you.”

“Arthur…”

“Don’t Arthur me… Do you understand me? This thing,” He points in the direction camp would be, “it’s all over. We gotta think about how to give Bea her best chance at life, even if that means she’s going to have only one parent.” 

He reaches forward and wipes a tear I didn’t know I had. “Well… let’s just try to get away together, okay?” He smiles and nods before standing and shifting Bea so she was laying on his shoulder. 

I take her and give her a soft squeeze before turning towards Suzie. “Promise you’ll be safe on that job?” I ask once more.

“I will,” He waves towards me as he climbs Athena. “So you’ll be in Saint Denise?” I nod as I get comfortable on Suzie. “Be safe please.”

“I will.” 

___________

I spent four days at Luka’s home. And in those four days, I didn’t hear from Arthur once. I started to get extremely worried until I heard steps on the front porch making me run and swing the door open. 

Arthur smiled as his shoulder relaxed and he pulled me into a tight hug and a long kiss. I instantly melted from his warmth. His rough lips smiled under mine. I wanted to take in his familiar scent but all I could smell was… Smoke? 

I pull back and scrunch my nose. “Why do you smell like smoke?”

Arthur looks away guilty and scratches his chin, “Well…”

“Arthur Morgan what did you do?”

“Well, quite a bit happened over the past few days. I did that job with Micah, I helped Rainsfall again actually twice… and,”

“And?” 

“John and I blew up a bridge…”

“You what?”

“Dutch wants to rob a train.”

“Y’all are too old to be trying to pull that kind of shit Arthur!” He chuckles a bit as he tries to calm me down.

“When are you gonna rob this supposed train?”

“In a few days. Dutch is trying to help the Wapiti tribe.” 

“Why?”

“He says he feels for them, but I think he’s just gonna get those boys killed.”

I sigh, “Where is he?”

“He went to help them mess with some soldiers.”

I groan and turn in to the house. “Luka.” 

Luka peeks out from his study. “Can you watch Bea? I have to get my father out of trouble.”

“Of course.” Before he even finishes I shut the door and hurry for Suzie with Arthur close behind.

“Y/N, these are US Army, I don’t think you should be getting involved.”

“I shouldn’t. But lets at least try to lengthen my father’s inevitable doom.”

Arthur smiles and joins me as we ride off.

[alyseofwonderland]

Alyse Reads The Goldfinch, Part 2

What follows is my best attempt at liveblogging. I had the books as an audiobook in hopes that I could keep it from taking even more of my life from me. This was perhaps a mistake. I think I broke Siri trying to make notes. The notes that are rambly are the ones I dictated.

I entirely blame @rollono​ for my suffering. But I am also aware that it seems to give her joy. 

Every time I reference Tara, I am talking about @wellntruly​ who’s own live blog of the book was the only roadmap I had to follow in this waterlogged wasteland of a novel.

Part 1

I thought Tara was making up the Camel-hair coat bit but APPARENTLY NOT.

Architecture has that much to do with the city and or northern Europe, really? I mean, “whitewash” doesn't everybody do that?

Nina ( @proud-librarian​ ) is going to have a lot to say about their descriptions of the Netherlands and Amsterdam in this book. like oh my God!

Theo Deckard doesn't understand how thermostats work.

This isn't satire? I don't understand we're like three minutes in and it has to be satire. right. right?

Who the hell says my mother and I didn't like my father much? like what.... what is this? what am I reading? what is happening? what.... I don't understand.... okay maybe fine whatever

This feels like it should be... I don't know.... satire is the word I'm looking for again. I don't want to just repeat what Tara, said but Jesus. the start of the story is he is rich enough to have a Doorman but not rich enough to afford the fancy private school, and him and his friends break into vacation homes in the Hamptons. what is this? what is this? I just... just.... just write a Jane Austen or Lord Byron novel if that's what you want to do just do that. do that.

My audiobook app just turned itself off in the middle of a passage because it decided I didn't need to listen to Theo talk about whatever he was talking about.

Curse you, Donna Tartt, for also being in the "all things coconut smell like suntan lotion" club. I did not want to have this in common with you.

I am laughing so hard it turns silent into my steering wheel because the audiobook reader makes Tom Cable sound like a surfer dude from the 70s,  and I. cannot. handle. that.

"I like to think of myself as a perceptive person" is basically the way that I know that Theo has about Harry Potter level skills of observation when it comes to the people around him.

Y'all this book would be so much better if Theo actually thought like a 13-year-old that he is supposed to be in the intro part. That would just be peak comedy, which is really what I'm looking for.

Audrey Decker and the Laura Moon from American gods are now the two people that I have ever known to call men "puppy" which I still find alarming, in both cases. Surprisingly they also both die, so I guess more things they have in common.

The longer this book goes on the more clear it is that I am not bougie enough for its contents. ( timestamp 30 minutes)

(GIF BY @rollono​ BY MY REQUEST FOR EVERY TIME THIS BOOK MAKES ME FEEL POOR)

I just can't suspend my disbelief enough to think that a 13-year-old would know this much about their parent's job and be able to ask questions. I'm trying to think of what my dad was doing when I was 13, and I mean I know where he worked, and I know who his boss was, but if you tried to ask me daily issues or me giving advice... oh my gosh. I just can't. nobody talks like this.

I’m making a face akin to Kermit the frog. 

I threw up in my mouth a little at the description of Pippa walking past in the museum.

Did we just describe a 12-year-old girl's arms as marble? is that what just happened? did I just have to listen to that?

Theo has given me a lot of like “Golden State killer” vibes right now with his desire to poke around through all these people's homes and stuff. like this is clearly the Visalia ransacker's motivation in the 70s. I know too much about true crime, that's what's happening right now.

The true-crime serial killer alarms keep going off in my brain.

I know Tara already mentioned how ridiculous the Murphys bed story is but it really is incredibly ridiculous and breaks the tension of the entire scene that is occurring at the time (laughed uncontrollably to the point that Siri typed nonsense)

I get it, Donna, you know things. You do not have list every fire truck to prove it.

Let's take a child to a dinner at 3 am. Really Donna?

Why does Donna insist on giving me the text of signs around whats going on? Why did I just listen to the smoothie specials while an emotional scene is occurring?

Donna, did you just call Mrs. Barough a weasel?  [afronted gasp]

OI!  (me shouting when Donna says that Andy was weird for being lactose intolerant.)

Pukes in my mouth a little at the term 'high verbal'. I get it, Donna, you think you are smarter than all of us stop being a dick.

Donna Tartt would make it to r/iamverysmart in like a minute if she understood how the internet worked.

WHO TAUGHT HER ABOUT FMA?

Okay, so either Donna Tartt knows someone who lost a parent and basing this off them or like went through it herself because I am white-knuckling through the grief bits trying not to have my own trauma response to the situation. Or she wrote Theo with like the exact grief I had. Her incessant need to list things in a room is the only thing between me and a spiral of remembering my dad's death.

ANDY IS A RAY OF LIGHT AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FAMILY OR IN THIS BOOK!

Five whole hours before the first sight of Hobie. Like Jesus.

I miss Terry Pratchett.

Hobie thank you for making this book interesting again.

Hobie is now my main squeeze and I won't hear a word against him.

POE DIDN'T INVENT SCIENCE FICTION FUCKING MARY SHELLY DID. DONNA WHAT THE FUCK.

The Hobie part of the story just makes me more sure that a version of the movie should have been without the Baroughers (sp?) and only included Hobie and Pippa.

Any is a murderino. I love this baby boy.

Aw, I love Hobie so so much.

Donna if you call Andy annoying one more time you are gonna catch my hands. (She just referred to his voice as annoying twice in a conversation and I swear to god I will rip this character out of her snobbish clutches she doesn't deserve him.)

Theo on this we agree, I too enjoy Hobie.

Hobie is the only person who belongs in this novel and he's a god damn delight.

SEVEN HOURS AND THE PAINTING HAS COME UP AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LITERAL HOURS.

Theo straight up using Spanish to fuck over his father is just *chef's kiss.

I can see how much contempt Donna has for Xandra is longer and deeper than this book will ever be.

I am going to suplex Larry Decker I swear to god. (i have a very particular trigger to spouses bad-mouthing the dead one due to personal experience.)

Necco wafers are no one's favorite candy Donna. You can't just say shit like that and expect anyone to believe you.

I have just realized that Donna Tartt has never been to a public library. How do I know? Witchcraft books are never on the shelves. Ask any librarian. They are stolen pretty much the moment we buy them.

I am standing dead in the tea aisle at the store because Theo just thought it would be “gay” to tell the doormen he has known almost his whole life he is gonna miss them.  (hours later I realize this is her backtracking in edits going "shit shit shit I have to add the repression in somewhere for those dumb readers that don't understand art" and I hate it more.)

Mrs. B is ready to physically fight Larry and I would pay real money to see it.

WHY DOES DONNA KNOW ABOUT DRAGON BALL Z?!? Step away from the things I love Donna I don't trust you near my media. (Also why she does reference it she clearly has NO concept of what DBZ hair would even look like to expect me to believe any child could achieve it.)

oh my god, Boris. I'm so happy to see you.

I am happy to report the audiobook narrator does not do an Australian accent for Boris. Thank the lord.

I knew I was going to love Boris but like a few minutes in I adore him.

It's interesting to me that Theo and Boris seem to have received similar amounts of attention/affection from non-parent adults, but while Theo finds it uncomfortable Boris soaks it in.

The Australian part of Boris's accent seems impossible.

*sobbing audibly into my keyboard* Popchyck

Boris you sweet like socialist.

Comrade Boris we need you in this election.

I'm sad he (Boris) doesn't get to go to college and like piss off every yuppie and hippie, and just make Philosophy 100 and Government 250 absolute hell for everyone.

Drunk Boris at Thanksgiving is a gift.

Me listening to this book before Boris: half paying attention, fucking around on my computer, doing chores. Me after Boris shows up: staring at the middle distance determined to listen to every fucking word because this prison sentence of a novel is finally interesting.

James: you said the author is a snob and you aren't enjoying the main character.  Me: yeah James: then stop reading it. Me: No, then Donna and her Anna Wintour knock off hair cut will win. James, frowning and backing out of the room: k sweetie.

6:30 am is too early to hear Theo Decker describe his bed as "our bed"

I WAS RIGHT. Boris belongs in college making every American white kid absolutely furious in every Poli-sci.

Larry Decker calling Theo and Boris his "kids" made my heart skip a beat.

So the nurse notices they don't have vitamins and smell but doesn't call child services. I mean I know that I learned that school nurses are less likely to call CFS on white kids than they are on black kids but like god damn.

The sheer salt of Theo refusing to learn the name of Boris’s girlfriend is so hilarious.

Now *this* is gay.

The truth is Theo is ready to cut a bitch.

Fellas is it gay to do shots while your boyfriend talks about his girlfriend?

Theo trying to set up Boris with like a nice polite girl who won't fuck him is fucking hilarious. This poor baby gay.

Theo (and Donna cuz she writes him) have never heard of learning disabilities and I will legit throw down.

LARRY IS A SCORPIO IN CANON?! I thought that was something from the fan fics. omg Ally hates this.

No one wears white sport coats Donna stop trying to make it happen.

Boris totally knows what's going on with Larry and he's just trying to look out for Theo because he loves Theo but oh my gosh Boris why do you make me feel so many feelings!

Please, Donna, I am begging you to stop telling me what the light from the sun looks like at different times of the day. I just can't take it anymore. Every scene of Theo in Xandra's house does not need the qualifier of what type of sunlight he is seeing. Some times fine. But every time?

My entire stomach just dropped when I realized what Boris has done, and I'm just I'm so sad. this is not how I wanna start my commute to work today.

I have just had my first moments of being very proud of Donna's writing, because long long time ago, in the same chapter, she had the bit about how Xandra will say "apparently" when she's being bitchy with Theo and now in a conversation where Theo isn't paying attention to her she says "apparently" to Larry and I just had to stop and say this, this is the writing I'm looking for Donna. This is clever and interesting and I LIKED IT. Stop making lists and do more of this.

Friendship ended with Book Boris, Movie Boris is my best friend now.

I don't understand how the director and the screenwriter of the film could move who said those lines and then not make it gay. Like, commit to your choice.

My mom: You finish that book yet? Me, angrily: No. My mom slightly worried: do you like it? Me: unclear.

NEW CHAPTER!

Theo, I need you calm all the way down when you are looking at Pippa.

Love this lawyer. I want to be his friend.

God poor Pippa. All the shit she goes through and she still has to put up with Theo's weird obsession.

Theo, you slid right back into the serial killer habits in a second and I want you to stop it.

Oh god, I feel that in my soul. Like "no sir you have it wrong I look more like the parent I like best." (also I do look more like my dad. like way more like him)

I am begging someone to get Theo some kind of hobby or help or something so he stops acting like a victorian ghost.

I am gonna have to get the actual book so I can see what weird spelling is going on with the text messages. I just know its weird. The narrator does it in such a weird voice.

We spent so much time dealing with emotional issues and other whatnot that going back to the bit about the painting feels like a huge tonal shift in the book. I'm like staggering around confused.

Literally no one uses strawberry shampoo.

Love that Theo ‘s final plan is the one Andy purposed an eon ago.

Salty that Theo is getting the cool college experience that Boris would have crushed. ��I would have paid good money to watch him make the philosophy department cry.

[kermit in the car gif]

Yo! Theo struggling to deal with school is like exactly my semester after my dad died.  

The adults attempting to force him into different living arrangements is so what we dealt with post my dad’s death.

Grisha! (Russians the only people I trust atm)

Tara was right, Andy's death comes off like a joke!

I gotta say, Crime Theo is my favorite Theo so far.

I don't know which serial killer Donna was channeling to write the parts about Theo being obsessed with Pippa, but it is just so intensely a serial killer vibe I cannot even begin to describe the look on my face; the feelings I'm having. I'm just like this man is going to kill someone. he's going to kill a lot of people. not only that it's going to be a lot of women because he doesn't view them as people. that's what I'm getting from this it's. Theo doesn't think women are people.

If Theo was on reddit he would be part of r/niceguys and r/iamverysmart.

If I have to listen to him drone on about his fantasies of Pippa for one more minute I will kill myself in the baking aisle of Aldis.

HES HOARDING HER HAIR?! HER UNWASHED CLOTHES?!? Please someone put him in jail.

[the sound of me throwing up in the frozen food section as Theo describes Kitsey]

Donna don’t try to act like you didn’t add that foreshadowing yourself about Andy. You crack me up you relentlessly snob.

How is Theo just The Worst all the time?

Theo freaking out because two gay guys know what’s up with him is just *chef’s kiss

Me having seen only the movie: Theo and Boris should get redemption and a romance run away. Me now: [ gif of “Ive had enough of this guy” from IASIP]

I mean I understand that John Crawley was a coward in so many of his directorial choices, but the fact that he didn't put the second meeting of Theo and this Lucius guy into a crowded weird restaurant where they're both getting hit by the waiters as they go past is just the weakest move you could've made. because this makes it so much funnier.

I'm with Hobie.

honestly this book should've just been 20 hours of art crime and like to shave off a good 10 hours of LISTS because that's what 10 hours is. give me 20 hours of art crime. I would love to watch each sale happen that would've been riveting to read but instead.... this.

Bish, you like those earrings or I will cut you.

Theo salty, while Kitsey picks out new china, is so fucking hilarious.

him just like "why are we buying new plates when my job is literally to find plates that were made by craftsmen?!?!” but being too fucking repressed in his bullshit to say anything, so he just making some poor sales lady suffer.

my friend Ally: “Theo’s repression makes everyone suffer is a good summary of the book.”

Alternative version of this book that would have been 8 million times better: Theo gets into art crimes but is also a serial killer. We don't know the second bit but it begins to start dawning on us as women seem to disappear from his social circles and weird hints of thoughts about blood and rivers.  Bonus points if it ends with him on the run from the law with his only vaguely criminal (by comparison to serial killer Theo) boyfriend. We are left to wonder if they will be gunned down in the chase or if perhaps there will be one more body to great the river.

Theo's textbook serial killer nonsense is only comparable to the sheer petty gay energy he gives off.

The power trip he gets from being like "hahaha yes I have bagged the ice princess who wanted nothing to do with me when we were kids" is just so gross and hilarious.

Theo realizing he is not the only sociopath in the room is just *chef's kiss.

Boris, did you really send some guy to just watch your ex?

Boris, I am begging you. You have made Grisha so upset.

Donna shying away from describing Boris comes off, if you don't know who we are talking about, as weird and slightly racist.

You have the internet Theo, you can look up when movies are going to start. You are not living on the moors.

HOW IS THIS BOOK NOT A SATIRE OF AMERICAN PYSCHO FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE BONERS FOR ANTIQUES?!?

Boris returns. I have almost forgiven him for what he put me through.

Maybe "fuck you" can be our always.

*tries not to cry when I realize that Boris' friends have heard about Theo

bless Aneurin for everything he did for this reunion in the movie.

Why is Boris such a slut? Why will I forgive him for anything?

Is it gay to think about the guy you used to jack off as handsome when you meet each other again?

Genetics means those kids can't be Boris' unless his mother was blonde. (Theo kind of agrees.)

My soul has left my body at the concept of Boris having a wife and kids.

I'm not saying I endorse crime, I'm just saying a mobster front with a pun in the name is really on-brand for me.

Knowing what I Know. That Boris thinks Theo is gonna try to kill him when they go for the "surprise" just makes the whole thing so tragic and sad.

Boris and his dog REUNITED AT LAST. I'm not crying. I'm fine.

Interesting that the next story we hear is about Gyuri's dead "brother" right after Boris says that Theo is "blood of his heart, his brother". Like. I might not be the biggest history buff in the world but I know gay code when I see it.

I mean I knew this was gonna happen, but I can't help but feel personally betrayed by Boris once again.

Donna, stay away from stuff about computers. Your attempts to use them make me, a technology expert, cringe.

Boris like "you don't deserve this dog. I deserve this dog."

"Babe I get that you are a WASP at heart but I need you to fight with me like a Russian now." - Boris to his disaster husband

"Did I lie?" "YES" (me laughing so hard I'm practically crying)

why does no one in this book appear to exchange numbers or like airdrop contact info.

Does Donna think that people only have iPhones?

Ally who is CTRL F reading this book "'Every few hundred pages she's like 'oh yeah, it's modern times...they're texting and there's emojis!' Seriously, there was the mention of emoji's and my soul escaped my body for a minute because it had no tether to time or space" @aces-low​

Off the top of my head, the name that Donna is not saying for this Horace to guy is Volkswagen.

Instead of being in the mob Boris should run an animal shelter.

Boris being Bitchy and jelly when Theo is talking to the German guy is just so cute. You two deserve each other with your weird shit.

If Donna wasn't a coward this book would have had Theo just getting eyeballs deep in art crime with Boris and his associates.

Adding a sin for making me listen to whatever that just was.

Things Donna forgot to list in "girl food": chicken wings, bread, rolls, other types of bread, garlic bread, a bit more bread, maybe cookies, eight more cookies, 20 more cookies, every type of chocolate humanly imaginable, jam, and barbecue ribs.

What do ankles have to do with being attractive?!?!?! this isn't the Victorian age! 

(from Ally re this comment: “I'm now convinced that every day Donna sat down to write this book she spun a wheel with different years on it, and that's the year the book was set that day”)

I didn't mind Kitsey cheating on Theo, because he doesn't even really like her. Until just now, when I realized that Mrs. B knows about it and she's keeping it from Theo, and my heart broke into 1 trillion pieces. she is the closest thing he has to a mother and he realized that she kept it from him, and I should not be crying in my car before my special Valentine night dinner.

James just walked in during a part describing Pippa and goes "Men writing women, huh?" and I had to pause the book, turn to him and say "a woman wrote this" and he just looks at me like 0_0

Mrs. B clutching Theo's hand so he won't leave her alone with Smalltalk-old-man is honestly the cutest thing in this entire book.

Hobie being able to be spotted from a distance at all times! I have a friend who is 6'5" and we can find him in crowds so easily!

Perhaps the funniest moment of this book is Theo saying "if girls loved assholes then Pippa would love me". buddy I'm going to post this entire book to r/niceguys

I WANT MORE ART CRIME! Why did you make me listen to 15 hours of boring nonsense when we could have had ART CRIME!

I deeply enjoy Boris's commitment to being a dramatic goofball, falling to his knees just be annoying.

Movie Boris appears in a dramatic way. Book Boris is just like there and also shoving food in his face and walking out of the party still eating all the food he just put in his cheeks like a chipmunk.

Hobie just like "if you want to run off with your gay love i'll cover."

Theodor Decker you get back in there and make sure that thief stays away from Nicole Kidman she has been through enough already!

Theo, I know that you don't actually have brains for anything besides drugs, crimes, being weird about women, and your own ass, but you could at least listen when people speak.

Theo is such a mess. He doesn't belong in modern times. He deserves to be Jack the Ripper.

I know the narrator is saying croissant the "correct" way. But every single time it happens I'm so fucking confused because who just leans into a french accent that hard for a single word?

Theo offers an actual good idea that Boris is going to use later and they all look at him like he's crazy.

I know "my brand" is "man holding gun" but listening to Boris assemble a gun I'm like "oh goodness I need to lay down". *fans self

Theo suddenly "I have made a huge mistake"

It's interesting to me how reluctant Boris is to make Theo a larger part of the heist. Theo reads it as frustrating but I read it like a kind of care and affection. He doesn't want his friend mixed up in something he can't handle, despite the fact that he wants Theo close so he can get him the painting back.

I see now why the heist in the movie was so fucking confusing. You need the Horst stuff and like a bunch of other nonsense that does not translate well to screen unless you re-write all the connections, which John Crowley was not willing to do.

Really love the "women drop their mark the first time" bit.

me: Theo I swear to god stop being high and sick in your room and go get some actual clothes and medication or at least don't make me listen to so much of it

this book is not 30 hours long. its 15 hours of a book and 15 hours of Donna going "gotta get that word count up or people with think I'm weak". Please, Donna. I don't need to hear this one thing happen for so long. It adds nothing to the tone, the themes, the plot, or the ambiance. You are just writing words for words sake.

The first suicide note was so well crafted that I honestly want Theo to kill himself now. If he can manage to write the others pretty okay I will be happy with this ending.

Don’t think I didn’t notice that the ghost of a dead loved one appeared on Christmas Eve.

I'm sorry who doesn't respond to "didn't you get my text?" with "my phone was dead" instantly?

me listening to Theo throw a tantrum at Boris because neither of them is capable of explaining themselves and like speaking as normal humans do: "It would have been better if Theo died"

Why must I be forced to listen to Donna make these scenes longer because these people don't talk like people?

Thud by Terry Pratchett does a much much better job of asking the question "can we trust our hearts and be the person we want to be?" And it honestly gives a better answer. And has you know, clever writing.

I thought it was like Over. I did. I was like "oh this is it wrapping up" ONLY THERE IS 30 MORE MINUTES AND I WANT TO SCREAM!

Me certain the book is over: i mean maybe this is a good ending

Me seeing i still have 30 more minutes: this is the worst book ever

This book held me fucking captive for over a week and all it left me with was like a few good lines, burning hatred for the main character, and the desire to go into Donna's home and rearrange all her stuff. 

also, I now hate antiques. out of spite.

don't read The Goldfinch. it's not worth it y’all.    

[doomedandstoned]

An Interview with S.C. Atmospheric Doomers Oakskin

~By Shawn Gibson~

Photo by Savannah Juliet Bockus

Continuing our series of interviews of bands in the southern sludge scene, we're now in Columbia, South Carolina visiting with unconventional three-piece OAKSKIN. As they come ever closer to finishing their debut LP, we take a look at the band's origins, inspirations, and aspirations in this one-on-one at last year's Starkfest.

Prey by Oakskin

We are at the Sparrow in North Charleston. You guys played with Mode Low and Midmourner tonight. Damn good show!

Bianca:

Midmourner they just like melt your brain because of how heavy they are!

Yeah, for sure!

Phillip: I'm digging Mode Low, too!

Bianca: Yeah, yeah.

Austin: Kinda krautrock, kinda noisey. I dig it.

Yeah, Paisley Adams the bass player just left, she is in Tripping The Mechanism.

Phillip: Tripping The Mechanism, right. I produced a couple of records of theirs.

Austin: They were supposed to play tonight, but there was something with scheduling.

Yeah, I thought the original flyer said "Tripping The Mechanism." Then it changed and said "to be determined."

Bianca: That was because they had work or something.

The other two guys in the band were here later on in the show.

Phillip: They're a great band, really cool.

The first time I interviewed you guys were at the Radio Room in Greenville, South Carolina, at Starkfest in July. I'd imagine you guys have played a few shows in the span of time since.

Bianca: Only one!

Phillip: Yeah this is our third show.

Wow, third show. Your first show was at Starkfest 2018. Now you have some shirts!

Phillip: Yeah, we're moving up!(laughs)

You got some merch!

Bianca: We've got stickers now!(laughs)

So explain your Oakskin t-shirt.

Bianca: The way our name started was because me and Phil, all three of us were on the porch mulling over what our name would be. We had no fucking idea! It was so difficult. Phil saw an oak tree in my yard and said, "Oak something." I said Oakflesh, because I am a Skyrim nerd. He said that's too brutal because our music isn't that brutal. (laughs) We're not a fucking death metal band! (laughs) Phil said Oakskin. I said, "Fuck yeah!" Later, we found out it was a spell in Dungeons and Dragons. We just winged it with the shirt design. Twenty-sided die on the shirt.

As soon as I saw it, I recognized it was a twenty-sided die.

Phillip: Who didn't play D&D at least once?

Bianca: Or at least knows about it.

Or any role playing game requiring multiple sided dice.

Bianca: D&D is the only game using twenty sided die.

Phillip: I've never seen a shirt with a die on it.

Bianca: The funny thing coming up with the shirt was like, "Let's put people under a spell. Well, why don't we incorporate the whole D&D concept?" It progressed from there.

Austin: It was the easiest decision we've had yet.

Brood by Oakskin

I believe you guys released a song recently. I got the notification from Bandcamp 'cause I'm following you guys and shared it on Facebook.

Phillip: Thank you!

Tell me about this song.

Bianca: The song is called "Brood." The name spawned from my love for cicadas, cause we're from the South. Not to say cicadas aren't from all over the world, really. In the South, in particular, you get used to hearing them. That noise that taunts you!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHH!!! (laughs)

Bianca: You know it!

Phillip: We open the song with that. That's us sitting on the porch. That song is part of a bunch of songs we are recording for an album. We are taking our time with it. We are not in a rush. We don't have a label or anything.

That's probably the best with no time limits and taking your time.

Phillip: Yeah, no deadlines, so we are going to release it when we are 100% happy.

Organic and letting it flow naturally.

Phillip: We haven't released anything since February because we had these shows. I had that song close to done, mixing it. We decided to put these songs out for these shows. Honestly, what we posted when we first played, they were kind of surprised. They weren't expecting us to be so heavy. So we were like, "Let's put a heavier song out."

Bianca: I love the surprise of us being heavy. (laughs) I do love that, but I think it gives people an idea of where we are going or what we're trying to do.

Phillip: The band has gotten heavier and darker as we've gone along.

I noticed tonight it seemed a little different. There was something like a blast beat in there -- whoa!

Bianca: We all love black metal. We all love death metal. We love different kinds of music. I think over time as we progress, we will incorporate all of our interests in all we do. We all love different kinds of music.

Austin: When we started it was in our kitchen.

Phillip: I don't know if I talked about this last time, but I wrote a keyboard line just for fun. I was thinking about a solo project. Bianca came in and asked, "Do you mind if I sing on this?" Austin came in and said, "Do you mind if I jam to this?" We were all in other bands. I was working on another project.

Bianca: I was in two bands.

Phillip: All of us were working on other projects, but we were like, "This is kind of cool!" The first song we recorded in our kitchen.

Bianca: It literally was recorded in our kitchen.

Austin: I got off work and pulled up to the house and heard the drum machine going. "Damn, someone's partying, someone's jamming! That's some cool shit!" I walked in and it got louder. It's Phillip and Bianca jamming on some stuff.

Bianca: Me and Austin have worked together before in a couple of different projects that really didn't go anywhere, but I knew I wanted to be in a band with him because I love him pretty much.

Phillip: So after that kitchen jam and recording I was like, "That was pretty cool. We'll come out with a name and release it and see if anybody is interested." People were and we are going to jump on this! Now this is her and mine main band. Austin has put 100% in! Since then, we have been writing as a band and it's just naturally gotten heavier and darker. It's just where it's gone we haven't tried to control it.

Bianca: It's darker, but light in some weird way.

Phillip: (laughs)

Bianca: Hear me out!

Phillip: Yeah, I'm going to hear you out on this!

Bianca: The lyrics, if we get them out there, they're not necessarily dark. The lyrical concepts are light and dark, but the music is so fucking heavy!

It is!

Bianca: It's like pushing the concept forward.

Austin: It all sounds like noise to me. (laughs)

Phillip: We haven't focused on a concept. We have focused on writing.

Bianca: Each song has its own entity. When we hear people's input on it, we create its own entity within the song. It makes it unified, to me. We aren't stressed out about it, where it's going. We do what we want to do.

Yellow Light by Oakskin

I think you'll have better songs and a better album when you don't have the pressure or deadlines.

Phillip: I have had to live by deadlines for years, so it's nice to be in a situation where nobody's breathing down my neck about it, you know?

Bianca: Right.

Phillip: It's nice to get it done as it gets done.

Austin: It was two days after Starkfest we had six songs tracked now. We went straight in on the first session and knocked them out -- pow, pow, pow!

Phillip: We have been practicing for months. I was like it's kind of harsh to do that to them, but I was like, "We've been practicing these songs for months, let's go record them after the show! Who knows what work schedules will get in the way? We're tight so let's go knock these out while we're tight." We went in and knocked the songs out. When we get some more, we'll knock those out.

Bianca: We have already started on some other songs, too. I love the direction y'all are going in! I come in after they finalize it, oh it's so good! I fucking love it so much! It's so weird and great. I really love it! I was like, "Can I come in now?" (laughs)

Phillip: (laughs) She was trying to sing over it and we didn't have it done yet!

Bianca: Let me sing on it! (laughs) I get really excited. We all get excited in a really weird way. Mostly we all vibe off each other.

Phillip: I think that most bands get excited about what they're doing or they wouldn't be doing it.

Bianca: Some bands don't get excited, because they get big or whatever reason.

Phillip: I understand that whole second guessing thing. I've been there: "I don't know if anyone else will like this or not?"

Bianca: I feel like bigger bands don't have the time to spend on songs anymore, because they're pushed to put something out. They don't get to enjoy it like they used to.

Austin: Well, if your doing two tours a year...

Bianca: Right.

Phillip: You're touring non-stop. It's hard to even find time to write. Try to write a little bit when you're home. That shit gets really hard! Starting a new band makes it a lot easier.

Bianca: Especially with your connections, it makes it easier for us, genuinely.

Phillip: To a certain degree. In all fairness, we are starting right at the bottom like most bands do. Nobody's been like, "Here ya go!" Play small shows...

...hit the road. Get some merch. Get some gigs.

Phillip: We're starting out like I've started every other band I've started. (laughs) I just love playing music ya know? I love playing at any level. There's certain things like yeah it would be nice to have a budget!(laughs) There are other times it is nice to start fresh and not have any expectations.

Austin: What is interesting to me about this band is Bianca. Oakskin has been together for about a year now.

Phillip: Yeah, about a year.

Austin: Before that, like she said we were rehearsing with some other projects. Until Oakskin she hadn't been in a band. Not trying to...

Bianca: ...no, it's fine. The other two bands I was in didn't play shows. It was just us trying to put music together.

Austin: So we have Bianca who is very new to it.

Bianca: This is my third show ever! Playing live, ever. (laughs)

Austin: I have been doing this fifteen years or so now. Phillip's experienced, he's been doing it for thirty years!

Phillip: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have shushed you. I wanted to see where he was going with this. (laughs)

Austin: Well, for me seeing where you [Bianca] have come from and seeing where you [Phillip] have come from. You [Bianca] are still enthusiastic. Phillip and I get down and shit (laughs), because we are grumpy and run down. You [Bianca] are like, "No, we can do this!"

Phillip: That is true.

Bianca: (laughs)

Phillip: I think one of the funny things is yeah, she is starting fresh and I'm kind of old and grizzled. It's like I see everything ahead of me that's going to go wrong. This is going to wrong! This is going to go wrong! This is going to go wrong!

(laughs)

Bianca: I have bright eyes about everything. Everything is great, ya know? (laughs)

Phillip: It's been fun, I will say that.

Bianca: I love doing music with y'all, for real!

Phillip: It's being done for the right reasons. It's really nice.

Down the road, you guys will release a full-length proper, right?

Phillip: We were going to do an EP and then we were like, "Let's just keep going and make an album."

Bianca: We have at least three more songs to write and we'll have an album.

Nice. Can't wait!

Bianca: It will come out whenever we feel like it!(laughs)

Austin: It will be four gatefold 12" LP's!

It's going to be a double live album! (laughs)

Bianca: (laughs)

Phillip: In reality, it will be a Bandcamp download! (laughs)

It was good catching up with you guys and seeing you live again.

Bianca: Thank you for coming to see us. Genuinely, thank you!

Is there anything that you guys would like to plug or push?

Well it depends on when this comes out!

Bianca: (laughs)

Right on! Fair enough! I still need to put the Starkfest interview out there. Guilty as charged!

Phillip: That was not a dig.

It's fine. I really want to get that one out there.

Austin: We have a show in Atlanta in two days.

Bianca: Yeah we are playing SlaughterQUE.

Hell, yeah. I saw the post for that on Facebook. It's two days right?

Bianca: If you would have liked, commented, and shared you could have won two free tickets!

What? Goddamnit!

Bianca: Only fifteen people did that.

I think I shared it. I saw it.

Phillip: You forgot to like it. (laughs)

Bianca: We had very strict rules about it.

Yeah I was smoking in the boys room when you were talking about the rules! I'll share it, but I'm not going to "like" it. I like those guys and everything! (laughs)

Bianca: (laughs)

Phillip: We have a couple shows coming up.

Austin: Next month.

Bianca: Our video was adorable, because we had a lot of cats. Our cats are very cute, too!

Phillip: If anything it was a statement: "We don't give a fuck!" (laughs)

Bianca: And also we love cats.

Phillip: Love cats, yeah.

Bianca: We love Halloween and cats.

Phillip: That is a true statement. Our house has a ridiculous amount of cats right now.

Oh no!

Bianca: We don't have like thirty or anything. We have four.

If you get over fifteen cats, you have to get the crazy cat lady action figure. (laughs) I'm not sure, I will check the handbook.

Phillip: One of our cats got stuck in a tree.

Bianca: To be fair, this cat's name is Siren. He never shuts up. He is constantly meowing.

Phillip: So Siren gets stuck in a tree. We couldn't find him.

Bianca: The way we found him was because he is so loud, the neighbors behind us heard him.

Phillip: Here's the funny story. The tree the cat got stuck in was at a cat person's house. They had over thirty cats!

Austin: They were rescue cats.

Phillip: Lucky for that cat he was way up there.

Bianca: 25 feet up in the tree!

Phillip: We were calling people to get him out and none of us could afford that.

Bianca: That guy had a tree climbing friend.

Wow!

Bianca: That cat is so lucky! We're so broke. You have to pay the fire department two hundred and fifty dollars to get a cat out of a tree.

Jesus Christ!

Phillip: I had no idea our neighbor had that many cats!

Bianca: That cat does not want to go outside anymore! So anyways we love cats. (laughs)

Well, that will make a great shirt, some Oakskin stickers maybe. Huh?

Phillip: The next shirt will be a cat stuck in an oak tree.

Austin: That's wilder than a cat going up a tree.

Bianca: Austin knows all these southern sayings. Phillip and I are from the south and we don't know what he's saying.

Austin: No one has ever heard all the sayings I know.

I am from the south, as well. I had a book of old southern laws and some of it was ridiculous, some very bizarre. Thanks a lot guys! I appreciate it!

Phillip: Thank you so much!

Follow The Band

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[beelieveinfandom]

Sethany

Some stuff from the chat about a noncat that is godmod canon the new main character of the AU. Someone write this fic please.

matt-Today at 2:16 AM hey y'all okay so thought: u know how black cats always look like the void with eyes when u take a photo of them right? here's my idea, void with eyes that vaguely resembles a cat and is taken in by an old lady with failing eyesight

LumiKat117-Today at 2:17 AM Sooo it would look like a cat

((Also cats are the best ever))

matt-Today at 2:18 AM old lady: hey look at my cat i love him anyone with actual functioning eyes: ................... uh

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:18 AM What does this blob of void feel like?

LumiKat117-Today at 2:18 AM Pffft yeah Soft silky fur Like how Nightmare wool feels like real wool just uber soft and silky

matt-Today at 2:19 AM oh yeah of course the void is soft and silky smooth

LumiKat117-Today at 2:20 AM What would its name be?

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:20 AM Mittens

matt-Today at 2:20 AM whiskers

LumiKat117-Today at 2:20 AM Ebony

matt-Today at 2:20 AM oh no i change my mind mittens is better ndksksksksk

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:20 AM Something really stereotypical

LumiKat117-Today at 2:20 AM Lol

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:21 AM This old lady isn't the most creative person on the planet but damn does she love her "cat"

matt-Today at 2:21 AM or maybe something like an actual human name like timothy or geronimo

LumiKat117-Today at 2:21 AM I like Ebony

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:21 AM Sethany

LumiKat117-Today at 2:22 AM Sith

matt-Today at 2:22 AM SETHANY

LumiKat117-Today at 2:22 AM Sith like from Star Wars

matt-Today at 2:22 AM no that's the name of her other cat who is like. a default grey tabby

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:22 AM Are you implying that Miskebonany might be evil??

LumiKat117-Today at 2:23 AM Pffft

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:23 AM How dare you imply that Miskerbonany might be anything other then a perfect darling

LumiKat117-Today at 2:23 AM No

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:23 AM So what does Sith think of their "sibling"?

LumiKat117-Today at 2:23 AM I think that it would be like the most affectionate 'cat' ever

matt-Today at 2:24 AM i'm not sure if it's funnier if sith ADORES little sethany or can't stand it

LumiKat117-Today at 2:25 AM How about both? Like one moment they would be cuddling and then the next they would be hissing at each other

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:25 AM Well, Sith would be hissing. The other one doesn't make noises

they just

ooze

LumiKat117-Today at 2:26 AM Lol

matt-Today at 2:26 AM they don't knock stuff of tables they.... absorb

LumiKat117-Today at 2:26 AM Lmao

matt-Today at 2:27 AM "sethany darling have you seen my glasses" [a shlurping noise is heard offscreen]

LumiKat117-Today at 2:27 AM My two cats kinda get along but the smaller one won't let the bigger one get close or she swats him

matt-Today at 2:28 AM m̸̀͡ę̢̀o̗͇̕w͜͏̝

LumiKat117-Today at 2:28 AM Lol

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:29 AM Oh god and they don't meow, they literally say "meow" like a human would total monotone.

matt-Today at 2:29 AM YES like text-to-speech

LumiKat117-Today at 2:29 AM YES And it sounds like Siri

matt-Today at 2:30 AM hey sethany do i have any appointments today? m e o w

LumiKat117-Today at 2:31 AM What if Sethany and the old lady actually talk but to anyone else they just hear the monotone meows?

matt-Today at 2:31 AM hmmmmmmmmmm i'm conflicted because it's Quality when it's one speaking normally and the other in monotone meows

LumiKat117-Today at 2:32 AM Like they just think the old lady is crazy and she just thinks her cat is special and purrfect

matt-Today at 2:32 AM you say that like sethany ISNT special and perfect haha nice

LumiKat117-Today at 2:32 AM I had to

matt-Today at 2:33 AM of course

LumiKat117-Today at 2:33 AM And it is purrfect and special Oh What if it LOVES CAT PUNS

matt-Today at 2:34 AM oh fuck yes when someone tells a really bad one they hear m e o w m e o w m e o w and sethany comes patting around the corner

LumiKat117-Today at 2:35 AM And it just curls up in their lap until they tell it all the puns they know

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:35 AM Which sounds cute until you realize it's really more of a hostage situation. You cannot get up if Sethany is on your lap

you just can't

matt-Today at 2:36 AM they are Here and therefore you are Also Here

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:37 AM

LumiKat117-Today at 2:37 AM It's like you've become a purrmanent fixture of the furrniture Lol yes Gremlin

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:38 AM Ots supposed to be sethany

Sethany cannot be photographed

matt-Today at 2:40 AM i mean they CAN be photographed but..... it's not really sethany

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:40 AM

LumiKat117-Today at 2:40 AM YES

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:42 AM Yes thats it

matt-Today at 2:42 AM YEAH sethany the void cat folks i think we just won the transcendence au

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:43 AM

matt-Today at 2:43 AM it's not gonna get better than this

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:43 AM That's really cute somehow?

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:43 AM Sethany in the dreamscape

matt-Today at 2:44 AM perfect amazing wonderful

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:44 AM

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:44 AM oh that's good

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:45 AM Void with eyes Sethany is best notcat

matt-Today at 2:47 AM

"m e o w" -sethany

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:53 AM Cuddling Sith

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:53 AM gasp

Zilleniose-Today at 2:53 AM okay guys I'm reworking tau, alcor is no longer the main character

matt-Today at 2:53 AM o h m y

Zilleniose-Today at 2:54 AM all hail sethany

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:54 AM A L L H A I L

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:54 AM Sethany is the one

H A I L S E T H A N Y

matt-Today at 2:54 AM rip alcor 201?-2017 you won't be missed because we have sethany now

Zilleniose-Today at 2:54 AM

A L L H A I L

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:55 AM ALL HAIL

LumiKat117-Today at 2:55 AM Daww

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:55 AM 2014-2017 ftr

LumiKat117-Today at 2:55 AM Pffft What if Sethany and Alcor were friends?

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:56 AM Okay so now we need to figure out exactally where Sethany fits into the AU That would work

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:56 AM Sethany is alcors notpet

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:56 AM although Alcor tends not to like cats, how would he feel about a "cat"?

Zilleniose-Today at 2:56 AM please... can sethany float too, like. this little old lady sees an amorphous floating cat, drifting sideways and saying "M E O W" and sees nothing wrong with this

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:56 AM Even he doesnt know what it really is But it comes to him for food every now and then

LumiKat117-Today at 2:56 AM It could be like the personification of the void in his hat

matt-Today at 2:56 AM sethany ABSOLUTELY floats

LumiKat117-Today at 2:57 AM Catification*

Zilleniose-Today at 2:57 AM just kinda. like a lava lamp.

very slowly. blooping

matt-Today at 2:57 AM they kinda drip a little too i guess the old lady thought they were wet when she found them?

"sethany where HAVE you been it's a gorgeous day outside"

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:58 AM (i love sethany and everything it is and is not)

Zilleniose-Today at 2:58 AM no mouth to be seen. how it eats and talks is a mystery

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:58 AM One not even alcor knows.

matt-Today at 2:58 AM noises just kind of....... emanate

LumiKat117-Today at 2:58 AM Would it be an it or would it want to have a gender like Xie?

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:58 AM Food is just kinda... Absorbed

Enveloped

BeelieveInBees-Today at 2:59 AM I think I'm going to keep using they/them for Sethany

matt-Today at 2:59 AM phagocytosis

Zilleniose-Today at 2:59 AM I think if you asked sethany's preferred pronouns, they'd reply "M E O W"

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 2:59 AM And it because whatever it identofies as is incomprehensible to people Think of the paperwork

LumiKat117-Today at 3:00 AM Hey Bee, you should make a fic for Sethany

matt-Today at 3:00 AM the old lady taking sethany in to be microchipped tho

BeelieveInBees-Today at 3:00 AM But I already have so many fics anyway I'm not great at stuff without much plot

LumiKat117-Today at 3:00 AM Oml that would be funny

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 3:00 AM 'lady we cant do that'

Zilleniose-Today at 3:00 AM this is perfect bc I too, am an amorphous blob of only semi-existence that sleeps most of the day and likes mice

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 3:00 AM 'lady it doesnt have a body'

LumiKat117-Today at 3:01 AM Like the vet is just so awkward but the lady is just so sweet and they can't really say no

matt-Today at 3:01 AM 'lady please i'm telling you this is not a cat'

Zilleniose-Today at 3:01 AM "yes sethany is very unique" "that's. that's not."

LumiKat117-Today at 3:01 AM But she's so insistant So they give up trying to convince her and try to chip Sethany anyway

BeelieveInBees-Today at 3:02 AM Floating

matt-Today at 3:02 AM ooooooo i love it

LumiKat117-Today at 3:02 AM And the chip... works?

BeelieveInBees-Today at 3:02 AM The chip constantly states that Sethany is in about 15 different places at once

LumiKat117-Today at 3:02 AM They have no idea how

matt-Today at 3:03 AM the vet: ???????????? the lady: see, that wasn't so hard was it dear

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 3:03 AM It breaks the vets sanity each time sethany gets brought in

LumiKat117-Today at 3:03 AM Pffft I can just imagine that an intern sees Sethany and is like, totally chill with it Oh, what if the Old Lady is a R!Lazy Susan?

BeelieveInBees-Today at 3:04 AM Oh that's how we could tie them in. One of the Pines goes into animal medicine And be that intern And be like "hey grunks, you gotta check out this cat"

LumiKat117-Today at 3:05 AM Pffft No wait What if the old lady IS Lazy Susan?

BeelieveInBees-Today at 3:05 AM That would be great actually Sethany just shows up to the diner one day Just wanting to absorb some pie tins.

LumiKat117-Today at 3:06 AM @GODMOD Someone should post this to the Tumblr

BeelieveInBees-Today at 3:06 AM And Suzan just scoops them up and starts talking And Sethany falls in love

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 3:06 AM Yeeeees

BeelieveInBees-Today at 3:07 AM I can screencap it

LumiKat117-Today at 3:07 AM Welcome to the AU Sethany Now someone needs to write a fic where Sethany meets Alcor when the Pines Clan come to the Diner Maybe the Trips are like, 18?

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 3:09 AM The trips love them

LumiKat117-Today at 3:10 AM I can see the trips cat sitting

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 3:10 AM Hmmm, maybe before the trips are born but after henry? Think, sethany triplet sitting

matt-Today at 3:10 AM no that's a bit of a risk they might.... absorb the children they'd come out okay but

LumiKat117-Today at 3:11 AM Nah, I think Sethany can control the absorbing

matt-Today at 3:13 AM oh yeah they can definitely control it

BeelieveInBees-Today at 3:13 AM Sethany can definitely control the absorbing or Suzan would be in big trouble

matt-Today at 3:13 AM whether or not they want to no one tells cats what to do, void notcats included unfortunately nsjsjsjs this is a joke btw sethany wouldn't eat a child

BeelieveInBees-Today at 3:14 AM not unless they were a really annoying child

matt-Today at 3:14 AM problematic customer? no more

LumiKat117-Today at 3:16 AM lol BeelieveInBees-Today at 3:19 AM That just makes me think of Sethany as actually working at the restaurant

tinylittlegremlin-Today at 3:20 AM Yes  

[loveg1rl-remade]

write short descriptions of your favourite mutuals/friends and then tag them (but not next to their descriptions) and try to make them guess which one is theirs!

i did two parts bc i did a lot of ppl! ppl are tagged in alphabetical order dfjskfn also i hope y'all can guess your number 🚶🚶🚶

p1. 

@01bri @1aju @1oveful @2blushy @chanilovehours @doyoung @fruittxt @himlo @jenolees @junghwasgf

01 - omg we were JUST talking today… we always hit each other up for drama its p funny sjdfksldj i love hearing them talk just in general. they have a lot of good energy and it makes me happy that they like me enough to like. willingly hit me up i think thats really cute and i love that… also theyre always going to concerts and i think thats really cute i hope they hve a really good time :( they always have my back n i love talking to them !! angel 

02 - my sweetheart!!! they’re really the funniest we used to talk ALL the time before school started :( i miss them a lot but honestly i love when they spam me with notifs :’) jsdfkjsd i remember when we first met n we talked about divergent and the bts visual novel it was HONESTLY really iconic… they’re a year under me but honestly it feels like we’ve known each other for a while !! they have a lot of love in their heart and their love for a certain few ppl (starting w t) is so sweet :( i love how we both procrastinate and stay up until like 2 for everything anyway ily and i miss u! 

03 -  omg.. i feel like they’re my younger sister… i really don’t deserve such a ray of sunshine! whenever i’m down they always send me the sweetest asks and messages and once they even told me abt their day out of nowhere i just thought that was really cute :( they’re ALWAYS cheering me on and it is really really sweet !! they make me rlly happy nsdfkjsd even just seeing their asks that start with “GIRL!!!” yea :’) they’re the brightest star w the cutest personality

04. we talked for like four hours about grapes once and that’s how we became friends… uhh i love them a LOT !!! they are really so kind and supportive and we get along really well?? they have a callout list for me kjdfdsf honestly we have a lot of inside jokes and it’s really cute. they changed my opinion abt taureans (U SHOULD KNOW WHO U ARE BY NOW .. ) and i just love how we can talk about anythin????? also your sleep schedule is SUPER screwed up but its chill bc that means we can talk more ndfkjsdkf i love you angel !! 

05. i will LITERALLY never forget the time i was feeling like absolute SHIT and they took the time to write out like an ESSAY for me and it’s saved and screenshotted and immortalized forever in my heart it really meant a lot for someone to like. take the time out to do that for me and im so grateful…we don’t even post the same content anymore but they always interact w my posts and check up on me and send me asks… i love them a lot lot lot! on my old blog they’d send me the cutest asks too im grateful and lucky to have them in my life :’) 

06. they know who they are !! my one n only!! we talk every single day and somehow they don’t get sick of me which is a feat in of itself. super creative and caring and empathetic and strong and selfless and just? a really good person. they have the biggest heart and the most love to give. they’re also really hard on themselves :( my biggest cheerleader n the love of my life.. if you haven’t figured out who you are yet i’ll send jeno over to talk some sense into you (*tell you he loves you)

07. soooo soft :( everything about them is soft!! they hav a lot of love for a certain bunny boy and they’re always always tagging ppl in things i think it’s so unbelievably kind. they’re always spreading kindness and joy and is such a ray of sunshine!! i really really lov them a lot ! 

08. o man where do i start?? they’re really full of a lot of love… they’re always love posting abt their best friend and that really makes me so happy that they have such a positive good person in their life… anyway we always send each other cute asks periodically to check on each other & we’re always helping each other out when we go through emo moods… anyway they’re applying to college at the same time i am and i remember stressing out abt it with them but i KNOW we’ll both be fine i lovve them :’)

09. seriously a big source of support for me even if we don’t talk on the daily!! they always have really good advice to give and even when like. No Advice Can Be Given they’re always lending an listening ear. they’re really cute i love how mature they are !! besides giving rlly insightful n thoughtful advice.. uh they’re just a rockstar! they’re a little bit younger than me but they always try their best and help others out and it’s really admirable. plus they said they love making playlists and i just thought that was the cutest thing :/

10. we haven’t had a lot of conversations together but theyre really just the sweetest :( ever :( i was going through a hard time n they sent me so many sweet asks and messages. its always nice to know there are ppl who care abt u and this person is just SO caring in general!! they’re always tagging ppl in sweet things and doing their best and it is much appreciated !! much like their name they rlly are. the best and the brightest

– 

p2. 

@kimjunnoodle @lazy-gudetama @pastelunnie @rapgodkth @rosehyuck @snowedjin @taehn @taeilsgrl @taeyyongs

11. UGH another sweetheart … they’re always sending me the sweetest long asks checking up on me and they’re always interacting n communicating and talking abt stuff they’re passionate abt it i really love it ?????? i miss talking to them !! they would send me the cutest dog pictures :( i always see them around spreading love and happiness and warmth .. they have a lot of love and compassion in their heart. i always look forward to their asks and replies!!

12.  my EVERYTHING!!!! i saw their selfies like yesterday n they rlly knocked my socks off imagine being so pretty!!!! they are really an icon it was so cute talking to them abt our wedding :/ they’re a lot of fun they go from super soft to super funny and like, theyre either loveposting or talking about furries i think its the funniest thing ever. anyway they’re a total sweetheart n the best hyuck stan so yeah ! i love love

13. omg …. they’re SO considerate they’re always tagging me in those “associate ur mutuals with” posts and it’s honestly really cute ??? they have my kidneys and my left lung and my Whole heart :( the biggest sweetest tae stan ! super sweet and lovely and funny !!! we don’t talk a lot but i’m always cheering them on behind the scenes!! they always interact w my not funny stupid posts and hype me up theyre just. really great to be with and im grateful to b mutuals 

14. i’ve known you the longest!!!!!!!! i have all ur jk fics saved omg :( you’re the sweetest bean and i love talking to you.. even tho we don’t talk on the regular anymore it’s always so sweet hearing from you and i love how we always update each other when smthing important happens in our lives!!!! i love watching the videos u send ur voice is rlly the cutest n i remember the first tme i heard it i started crying anyway i still have your christmas card saved and i love you a whole freaking lot im still waiting to go on a date with u :( my tall gf

15. UH we literally talk and just. gush over how cute girls are …. jsfdasdf we ALWAYS tell each other beef no matter what sfjdsk they really have such a caring n chill personality. we think alike so it’s really nice telling them abt things i need help with because i always get a good second perspective on it… they’re always here to listen to me (even late at night when they have work the next day)… they’re a bit like my older sister i trust them a lot !! i really love how they always update me on things even tho i SUCK ass at messaging so :) anyway i love them a lot (move to california sooner!) 

16. one of the funniest most down to earth ppl i’ve ever met. memes are iconic and every single conversation we have i always manage to laugh bc their comedic timing is amazing and yea they’re just an all around great person. they’re my movie buddy and we can also really talk abt anything??? like we’re super comfortable around each other which is super cool n i’m grateful. we can talk for hours n hours … and yeah .. they’re also super sweet and always support me through everything! we have a lot of inside joke its cute & i’m glad i met this person i really am :’)

17. hdfsfn.. really. they really own my heart.. honestly i couldn’t have asked for a better mutual???????? they are Top Tier quality one of kind…they have like thousands upon thousands of followers and they always always promo me … im so undeserving of their love… AND AND THEY ALWAYS SEND ME ASKS …. even when like. im being annoying and ask stupid questions no one wants to answer they always write out a whole paragraph and it makes my WHOLE world ten times over im so grateful for them … i have the strawberry emoji on like all of their asks bc i want to keep all of them thats how much i appreciate the time n effort they show me … wrow… the cutest and best ever i love them a LOT! 

18. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they’re so motherly to me …. they’re always looking out for me and making sure i’m doing ok and i think that’s just the sweetest best thing ever :( they’re really sweet n pretty AND funny i always love seein their posts… they’re one of my few exo mutuals and i LOVE IT ! I LOVE THEM! they are sosososo soft their tags for their man are really the cutest too… they’re one of those mutuals who switch from loveposting to toesucking and it’s the best and funniest i love them! once i was sick n they sent me like two asks making sure i was ok and . wrow. i couldnt have asked for anyone better

19.  mMmMmMm i remember i thought they hated me and then it turns out they didn’t and i was SO relieved bc they’re so sweet and funny and :( just a really great person. they did a lil astrology analysis for me and it was so spot on i’d trust them with my life and my savings and my posterity…. uhhh they have a heart of gold they’re always looking out for others and trying their best n it’s really admirable. they also have such a good sense of humor!! a treasured mutual who owns my heart :( 

[wannabe-cartoonist-blog]

Reactions to Official SBM Recordings

A bit spoiler-y if you haven't seen the show or listened to the new recordings of the songs. So proceed with caution.

ACT 1

Intro/Bikini Bottom Day

-here we goooooo

-ahhhhh ze narrator

-love how they include sb's foghorn alarm, just gonna say that

-award goes to Ethan for the cutest yAWN

-ethan is using such a soft tone of voice and it's honestly perfect

-"meow"

-the shoe squeaks!!

-the laugh was a little weaker than other performances but I'll let it slide cause he's so cute

-I thought it was "where the sun shines down" not "when" but apparently not

-MY BOI PATRICK STAR

-"oOOO OOOO I want a verse!!!"

-I love the difference between his singing voice and the Patrick Voice (tm)

-the chorus harmonizing in the bg

-sQUIDY

-Gavin Lee sounds a little strange...like Squidward sounds like he could't care less about anything and is so resigned to his loud neighbors

-which...he is....but he sounds off idk. Still a good performance tho

-like with Pat, there's a distinction between his singing voice and speaking voice

-he sounds good though but not like the live performances....idk if that's good or bad

-the fart noise strikes again

-RIGHT INTO SANDY'S PART

-love the country track

-she sounds so nice 10/10

-that "daaaaAYYYYY" 10000/10

-they didn't include the explosion or like all of the dialogue that follows it but I like it. Keeps the flow of the song going

-KRABS

-THE WALKING NOISE

-plankton's voice is so deep and smooth, I love it

-KAREN'S "forever" WAS MADE TO SOUND COMPUTERIZED THAT WAS A REAL NICE TOUCH

-"CLeeeeeveeeeerr" melted butter

-I love krabs, Karen, and plankton singing together

-Squidward is so depressed 10/10

-pearls deep voice is 10000/10

-spongey sounds so sad after being shot down, perfection

-"everyone would say GOOD MORNING MR. SQUAREPANTS"

-the CHORUS!!!!!!

-I freaking love this song

-it captures the town so perfectly

-they finish the song without being interrupted by the volcano, very nice choice

No Control

-the panic

-Perch Perkins could punch me in the face and I would thank him

-velvet voice. Pure velvet.

-sandy, sponge, pat, sandy, THE BABIES

-all of krab's parts sounds much better than the live versions, not gonna lie

-smooth-voiced plankton once again. He and perch need a duet but I think I'd actually melt from it

-kAREN

-I love the bg singing, heck yeah

-"the end. Is. Coming!"

-spongey

-ETHAN'S "WOOOOOH" OMG I WASNT READY

-there are 3 ticks instead of 2, that's interesting

-David Bowie did a really good job with this. So sad he didn't get the hear the finished product.

-Thank you, David Bowie. Rest In Peace.

B.F.F.

-oh, boy I'm ready

-that cute acoustic sound oh yes

-classic Plain White Ts

-I love how they remember that spongebob wears glasses sometimes 1000/10

-their voices compliment each other so well wow

-I love pat's singing voice, did I mention?

-the best friend dance part kills me every time

-the instrumental bit 1000/10

-"feeling good" part literally knocked the breath out of me

-"you're my best friend forever!"

-"B.F.F that stands for"

"Spongebob and Patrick" <33333

When the Going Gets Tough

-"give me some muuuusic, Karen"

-KAREN IS PERFECTION

-"exCUSE ME?"

-"e-he-he"

-this sounds so freaking cool

-for the 700th time, I love plankton's voice

-the sponge rap!!!!

-"you've got one day left go home and pack"

-plankton changes his tone slightly near the middle/end and I almost had a heart attack cause it sounded so good

-they included the krabs and plankton interaction about the sleeves, good choice

-"I'm a one-celled organism...I don't even HAVE sleeeeVES."

-the MAYOR!!!!

(Just A) Simple Sponge

-I've listened to this about 100000 times already

-but I'll do this anyway

-again, Ethan always sounds so pure

-he really nails the innocence of sb

-the bg chorus is fantastic

-I love all the references in this song

-Brendan Urie did a great job

-I really love how this song is in reference to krabs' opinion of sb. That's always been a really cool relationship dynamic

-sb is like a son to krabs and krabs is kinda a father figure? (I know sb has a dad but) sb is always looking to krabs for approval and when he looses it he gets real down (the second movie has a cool nod to this; "you were like an underpaid son to me")

-all these artists could've just written songs that these characters could sing, but they all wrote songs that these characters would sing. They all really nail the characters and I’m so grateful for that.

-the last note is so damn powerful I love ethan slater

Daddy Knows Best

-this song always sounds good

-love how pearl made sure to always keep her voice deep

-"money, money" that's 100% pure Eugene Krabs

-LOVE THE CONTRAST BETWEEN PEARL'S SINGING AND SPEAKING VOICE

-opposite of Patrick's

-she sings so softly

-THE BEAUTIFUL SCREECHES OF "DADDY"

-I love Krabs

-the cries

-"DADDDDDDYYYYYYYYY"

"MONNNNNEYYYYYY"

Hero Is My Middle Name

-spongey, I love you

-this song is such a cute bop

-it's so 80s, thanks Cindy Lauper

-"yeahH"

-"mine's Jennifer" was included heck yeah

-the slide whistle sound

-WHEN THEY SING TOGETHER

-"alriiight!"

-the way sandy says "courage" and "myyyyyy middle name" I love

-"us go!"

-love the instruments at the end

-the bandstand-y type music for when Pat dances, SO GOOD

SuperStar Seastar Savior

-this is one of those songs I didn't really care for live

-but MY GOD ITS AMAZING AS A RECORDING

-LISTEN TO THOSE HARMONIES

-it really does sound gospel-y

-pATRICK

-he sounds so pure "my new friends"

-"does anybody bake?"

-GOD HE SOUNDS SO GOOD

-THE TWANG

-"ME"

-"uh, I dunno"

-"figARO"

-the wrestling announcer towards the end

-"y'all praise pink!"

-the explosion what a perfect way to end it

Tomorrow Is

-lili, slay me

-oO the shift!!!

-the sb and sandy harmony yes very good

-squidy still sounds a little strange but I love him

-krabs always on point

-"oooo"

-god, plankton's voice is velvet

-"victoryyyyy"

-spongey boy, god, he's so hurt by Pat im crying

-tHE CHORUS

-bikini bottom day reprise, I'm in actual tears

-gOD

ACT II

Poor Pirates

-another one I didn't care for live

-but the recording captures it so much better

-it just sounds so different

-the KAZOO

-"en-c-i-n-o"

-"h-winds in our earrings"

"don'tcha know pirates have feelings?"

-"p-o-o-rrrrrrr people too"

-bg guy who says "we've too many too gold teeth"

-I really really love this

-"the BLOOMIN ONION"

-Talk Like A Pirate Day is now a fully international holiday idc what anyone has to say

-god, the instrumentation is on point

-Sara Bareilles did an amazing job (listen to some of the songs from The Waitress if you like her stuff. She wrote for and stared in that too. "She Used To Be Mine" is amazing)

Bikini Bottom Boogie

-okay, this also sounds better than it was live

-that guitar, man

-really does sound like a good ol' rock ballad

-nice job, Aerosmith

-IM FEELING IT ALRIGHT

-"rad, gnarly, and tIGHT"

-"kiss my JELLYFISH"

-what a freakin bop

-yEAH

Chop To the Top

-the banjo oh yes yes yes

-I'm in love with it already

-tHE FIDDLE

-sandy is so pure

-"keep it moving don't stop till you drop" that's new I love it

-sPONGY YOU CAN DO IT

-"way" the TWANG HAS PASSED ON TO SB NOW

-F THIS IS THE REAL BOP

-pURE TOO PURE

-LILI, GOD YOURE KILLING ME

-ehem, yes this was fantasic. 

-Great job, Lady Antebellum

(I Guess I) Miss You

-oh boi, here we go feels

-just imaging John Legend writing this while playing piano while Chrissy Teegan watches on in the bg is hilarious to me

-pat, my boy I'm in tears

-the "I"s in this song are good no matter how you're listening to it

-sponge is so HURT

-"nobody can make me laugh like you" :((((((

-the har-mon-iES

-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-e-I'm in pain

-"bring my sunshine back again" the sad twang :,((((((((((((((((((

-nobody talk to me for a month I need to recover

I'm Not a Loser

-the piano, oh yes

-he's really doing the nasally thing

-it works tho

-he sounds much more put together and sure of himself than live, yet not, if that makes sense???? Gavin Lee gave it a different performance and I give him props

-the CRYING

-"huha?"

-*monotone* "this is weird"

-*just going with it* "okay"

-"look at me now mama!"

-okay, this is just my opinion but I think squidy just sounds better live???

-"I'm not a loooossar"

-the "stay at home" girl is always great

-"hey. Shhhhst."

Best Day Ever

-oh, we're here already omg

-pure sponge boy, pure

-I still get all choked up when the "best day ever" tune starts

-he sounds so SWEET

-sandy chiming in

-Pat joining heck yeah, yeah

-"dum, dum, dum, dum"

-really like how they changed "just tying my shoe" in the tv show version to "just being with you"

-I LOVE WHEN THE CHORUS COMES IN EVERY NOW AND THEN

-the Elvis impersonation is always great

-that bg girl after Squidward comes in? Amazing.

-"this is it, everyone" IM GONNA DIE

-this is so soft and so dark

-the soft countdown that gets more and more scared omg

Bikini Bottom Day Reprise

-the ukelele gets me every time

-it's the perfect instrument for sb

-"busy day" I'LL SAY

-I love everything about this

-Mr krabs?? I forgot he had a line in this?? Did he ever??? I LIKE IT

-the cymbals, play it pearl yes yes

-Pearl, you're killing it

-"a simple sponge can be handy when you're cleaning up spills" omg

-"sometimes you need a hero with some management skills" squidy that was such an amazing thing to say

-"hey there, that's me" it sure is, my son. It sure is.

-I LOVE BIKINI BOTTOM DAY JUST SO YOU KNOW

-the ending, the ENDING OMG

-"meow" I LOST IT

-the crazy instruments all at once, god it's great

-everyone in this town is a child

The SpongeBob SquarePants Theme/Closing

-*HEADBANGS*

-oMGGGGGGGGGGG

-THIS IS THE THEME REDUAL I NEEDED AND DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT

-THE GUITAR AT THE END

-well, I'm in tears and throwing all my money at this show

-and you should too

-also congrats if you made it this far with me on this incredible journey of pain, references, and fluffy feelings

[hey-its-ellice]

Leon Draisaitl- I'm Sorry

Request: Hiii :) idk if your requests are open or not but if they are I was wondering if you could please do a leon draisaitl where y'all are like engaged or married or whatever and some random girl comes and says that leon is the father of her kid and all the drama that ensues! Thank you so much if you can! I love your writing!

“I’m so happy you said yes to marrying me.” Leon says

“I’m happy you asked.” I reply smiling at him.

“I love you.” Leon says tapping my nose lightly with his finger. While I was curled up on his lap.

“I love you too, Leo.” I reply kissing his chin.

We were interrupted by a knock on the door, which wasn’t surprising considering it was 3 in the afternoon.

I get up to answer the door. Telling Leon just to stay where he is.

When I open the door I see a semi tall brunette, with a model body, and amazing brown eyes.

“Yes?” I ask her.

“Is Leon here?” She asks trying to look in and because Leon is on the couch he is out of sight.

“Umm…yeah, why?”

“Because, I need to talk to him.” She says with a bit of an attitude.

“Yeah, but why do you need to talk to my soon-to-be-husband?” I ask leaning on the door frame.

“Well, is he here?” She asks impatiently.

“Yes, but he is busy, I can take a message for him though.”

This caused her to roll her eyes.

“Look lady, I just need to talk to Leon.”

“Look kid, he is busy and I would like to get back to relaxing so tell me or go away.” I say mocking her and starting to shut the door.

“Fine, I recently had a kid and its Leon’s. He slept with me like a two years ago.” She says looking down.

“Okay, what’s your name and number?” I ask her grabbing a piece of paper and writing down what she said, so I can ask Leon about it.

“Lacy Williams.” She says then proceeds to give me her number.

“Okay, bye.” I reply soon after closing the door and rolling my eyes.

“Leon, we need to talk.” I reply walking into the living room, my hands on my hips and the paper in my right hand.

“What’s up babe?” He asks standing up and walking towards me.

“Did you sleep with anyone else while we were dating or together at all?” I ask him taking a step back when he got right in front of me.

“What, no!” Leon asks with a panicked look on his face.

“If you did then just tell me! I don’t like being lied to! So just Tell me the damn truth!” I yell running my hands through my hair.

“Okay, I did. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t of done it and I should of told you.” He says calmly while putting his head down.

“Were you ever gonna tell me?” I ask just above a whisper. My anger now subsiding and becoming hurt. I could feel my heart shattering with ever word and every thought that crossed my mind.

“I was going to eventually.” He says.

“You were gonna wait till we were married weren’t you?! You were gonna wait till it would be too much of a hassle for me to legally leave you. Thinking that no matter what I would stay once we were married!?” I yelled

“Look baby please just let me explain!” Leon basically yells while falling to his knees in front of me.

“Fine Leon, explain and make it quick. I need to pack.” I reply crossing my arms the part crumpling in my hand.

“I swear, I was drunk! I would never do that to you in a proper state of mind. I would never intentionally hurt you! I swear! Please, just give me another chance! We can work this out!” He exclaims. Tears falling from his eyes.

“Leon, I have been drunk before but I NEVER cheated no matter how drunk I was or how lonely I was. The worst parts of all of this is that now you have a damn kid and you never FUCKING told me!!” I yell as tears start to slip down my face.

“I know and I fucked up! Please, just give me another chance. Please! I can’t lose you!” He cries.

“Leon, I love you. I do. But I can never trust you. I can’t marry someone that I don’t trust. I’m sorry Leon. I’m done. We are done. I will be out by the end of the night.” I reply turning to go to our shared bedroom. Or what was our shared room.

I was almost done packing my essentials. That was when I heard him coming up the stairs.

“Babe, please. I’m begging you. Don’t go. I need you.” Leon says his voice breaking with every word.

“Leon, you slept with someone else. While we were dating. Or even having any relationship. If you needed me then you wouldn’t of done that. If you loved me then you wouldn’t of done that.” I reply shutting my suitcase and putting it o the floor before going to the bathroom to get my stuff out of there. All of these things I put into a small duffle bag.

“Baby, please! I fucked up! Please! I won’t last without you!” He says standing in the door frame. Tears still falling from his eyes. As much as it hurt me to see him cry. He still hurt me in a way I never thought he would. He was unfaithful and broke my trust.

“Then I guess you will have to learn how to live without me.” I reply walking past him and out of the bathroom.

“I’m sorry! If I could go back I would! But I can’t! I can’t take back that I hurt you! I can’t take back that! I can’t take back that I broke your trust! What can I do or say to get you to stay?! Because I will do it! I swear! I will do it right now! I just need to know what you want me to do! How can I win you back?!” He says tears now falling at record speed. I can see his heart breaking and feel mine falling to pieces.

My vision is blurred by tears. My heart is broken and my brain is in over drive.

“Leon, just give me time. I still can’t believe you did it in the first place. Till then I’m not coming back. I love you Leon and I always will but I just need to think. The information of the woman and the ring are on the nightstand.” I say grabbing both my bags and heading for the door.

“Please. At least give me one last kiss. Please.” Leon says his voice cracking.

“Fine.” I say as he walks to me looking deep in my eyes and putting all his love into the kiss.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.” He says his tears still falling.

“I am too.” I say walking out the door not looking back.

“It’s been three months are you ever going to leave your room.”

“What do you expect me to do? I always thought Leon was going to be the one.” I say to my best friend. While snuggling into the covers.

Leon’s POV

“Draisaitl, get your head in the game!”

“Yes sir.”

“Hey, you alright buddy? Did something happen with your girl?” McDavid asks.

“She left. I thought she was the one.” I reply. Messing with the puck in front of me.

“Sorry to hear that buddy.” McDavid says tapping me with his stick.

This sucks….I wish I had told her. I wish I never did it.