#i love gojo and i am going to confront my fear of him

[theragethatisdesire]

also

u guys didn't hear this from me but i came up with the sickest concept for a long-form gojo fic so....is that something you guys want to read bc i REALLY want to write it

[obsesssedblerd]

Part Four (2): “I promise, I’ll make this right.” 

- the jjk men promising to be a better partner for you after they forget your anniversary. 

final [second] written part of this smau series. 

Pt. 2: Choso, Shiu, and Gojo

Contains: angst to comfort 

a/n: and here’s the last, last part with the remaining characters! again, thank you so much for being so patient! <3 once again, sorry for any mistakes! 

---

CHOSO 

Truthfully, you didn’t know if you were actually ready to confront Choso, but you know that it’s time. You stand in front of the door to his house, and knock. You wait for less than a minute, then the door opens to reveal Yuuji on the other side, rubbing his tired eyes. His pink hair was messy, so you know that he woke up from a nap not too long ago. 

When he registers that it’s you, he gasps loudly, then holds up a hand and smiles nervously. “H-Hi! Um, wait just a minute, I’ll grab him! Please don’t leave this spot.” 

“I won’t leave, Yuuji.” 

His smile falters a bit. “No, seriously, please don’t. Me, Cho, and Megumi couldn’t find you for days.”

You place a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I promise,” you say slowly, “I won’t leave.” 

“Good. Be right back.” He gives you a thumbs up, closes the door, and you hear him scream from behind it, “Choso!! CHOSO!!! She’s outside, so stop blasting your sad music and get down these damn stairs!! No, I’m not kidding, why would I do that?!” 

You blink in shock, then Yuuji opens the door once more to smile sweetly at you. “He’ll be out in just a moment.” 

“Uh- Alright, thanks.” 

Not too long after, Choso appears. You can immediately tell that he hasn’t been sleeping much the last few days. Other than that, he looks relieved to see you there. He reaches towards you to hug you, then stops himself, remembering the situation. “Hi,” he quietly greets. 

“Hi. Walk with me?” He nods, and you two walk side-by-side to a nearby park. You let the silence drag for only a few minutes before you ask him the question that’s been weighing on you for the last couple of days. 

“Be honest. Before we got together, did you want to date Yuki at one point?” 

Are you only with me because you weren’t able to get with her? 

Choso stops in his tracks, and looks over at you, eyes blown wide with shock. “No. Never. We’re just friends, like I’ve told you before. I know it seems like-” 

You hold up a hand. “Cho, please just understand where I’m coming from. The-” 

“I do understand,” he says desperately, taking a step closer to you. “Of course I do. That's all I’ve been thinking about. I chose to hang out with her instead of you, numerous times. It’s unfair to you, I know, but I swear-”

“I feel like you love her.” Your biggest fear of your relationship flies out your mouth, and tears rush to your eyes, spilling down your cheeks. “Every single time, it’s her. It feels like it won’t matter how special something is—like our anniversary—because you’ll run to her the second she asks you to hang out and completely forget about me.” You take a breath and exhale slowly, trying not to make yourself look even more pathetic. “I’m tired, Cho.” 

“Listen to me. I do not love Yuki,” Choso says slowly. “Not now, not in secret, not ever. I am in love with you. You’re the one I want to wake up next to every morning, you’re the only one I trust when it comes to helping my siblings, and you’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.” He scoops your hand into his. “There’s no way in hell that I would choose her or any other woman over you, so I’m begging you, please get that out of your head.”

Before you can use a sleeve to wipe your tears, he wipes them for you, then uses his hand to cup your cheek. “I’m so sorry for hurting you. You spent so long planning the dinner for our anniversary and I completely forgot about it like it was nothing. I wish I could go back in time, but I can’t. All I can do is beg for another chance to be a better boyfriend. So, please, let me have another chance.”

You notice that his eyes are also watery. You’re about to point it out, but he hugs you tightly before you can, his body slightly trembling. “These last few days have been killing me, because I’ve messed up so bad to the point where you think I’m in love with another woman, when you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met in my  life. I don’t want anyone but you. I could never choose anyone over you. I don’t care who they are.” 

He rubs a comforting hand up and down your back. “Please,” he repeats once more. 

“Never again, Choso,” you mutter shakily. “I mean it.” 

He sighs in relief, then kisses you. “Thank you,” he whispers. “Walk back with me? I have your present back at the house. Then, we can plan another dinner, and something special after that.” 

---

SHIU

When you enter the hotel room, you see Shiu Kong there, leaning in the chair with a light, but nervous smile. “Hey, princess.” 

The door shuts, and you furrow your brows in confusion. “How the fuck did you get in here?” 

“Well, you weren’t answering your phone anymore, so I found a different way to track you.”

Your brain whirrs with multiple possible scenarios, then you roll your eyes when you figure it out. “You asked Toji, didn’t you?” Your work partner was the only one who knew your location.

“I had to blackmail him in order to find out where you were. It wasn’t easy.” 

You give him a fake smile. “Well, I don’t really care about that. You should leave.” 

“No.” 

“Shiu. Don’t piss me off,” you warn. “Go.”

“Not until we talk.” 

You cross your arms. “It’s either you leave, or I will handle you the same way I’d handle any person that comes into my room without my knowledge or permission.”

Shiu holds his hands up. “I’ll let you shoot me after I apologize.” 

“You’ve already apologized plenty over text. I already told you that I’m done. I’m better off focusing on work, and you’re better off just hanging out with your friends.” 

“Can you stop saying that shit? Baby, please, I swear that missing our anniversary dinner was a horrible mistake, and I’ll never make it again if you give me another chance.” When you don’t answer, he sighs desperately, taking a chance with his life and walking over to where you’re standing. “I’m sorry, princess. I completely understand why you’re pissed, and like I said, I’d let you shoot me if it’ll make you feel better. However, I will say that I can’t let you go. I love you.” 

You shut your eyes and shake your head. “Look, that’s sweet and all, but I don’t think you understand how awful it is knowing that your boyfriend chose a random night of drinking with his friends over a romantic dinner that you spent weeks planning. It makes it hard to believe that you even like me, let alone love me.” 

“I understand why you’re doubting my feelings for you. Anyone would after their lover forgets their anniversary. But I promise, I do love you, and if you give me another chance, I’ll show you. I’ll make you feel it. Please give me a chance to fix this.” 

“...But what if you don’t?” 

“Then I’ll let you kill me, like you’ve killed your other boyfriend after he fucked up and broke your heart.” When you raise your brow in question, he answers you, “Toji told me about that when he warned me to leave you alone earlier. Not taking his side at all. Heard he was an asshole, anyway. But, I’m serious. If I don’t do better, and I hurt you again, I won’t run or fight back when you come to kill me.” 

“Shiu, I don’t want to kill you,” you say, slightly frustrated. “I just want you to care more.” 

His thumb brushes underneath your eyes. You didn’t even know that you started crying. “I know, princess, ‘m so sorry. I promise, I’ll never make you cry again, and I’ll be better.” He’s relieved when you allow him to hug you. “Come home, okay? We’ll talk more there, and then I’ll start making this up to you.”

You nod, then rest your head on his shoulder. “You do know that Toji’s more than likely going to kick your ass for blackmailing him, right?” 

“You’re in my arms again, so it was worth it.”

---

GOJO

You’re speeding through the hallways of Jujutsu Tech, your heartbeat thundering in your ears. An hour ago, you got a text from Maki, your precious second-year student, telling you that something bad happened and that you need to come to the school quickly. 

“Maki, I’m here! Are you okay?!” You shout as you burst into the empty classroom. You find her, and you tilt your head in confusion. 

She looks fine. In fact, she’s standing next to a Yuuta Okkotsu, who looks like he’s about to vomit. “S-Sensei! I-” 

Maki cuts him off with her usual, sharp glare. “Not. A. Word.”

Inumaki and Panda are also there, and across the room, the three first years are standing stiffly. 

Something’s up. 

“Okay,” you say to the students as you cross your arms. “What on earth is going on?” 

Nobara looks over at Yuuji, who’s sweating nervously, and raises a brow. “Um… Haha,” he laughs, scratching the back of his head. “Don’t look at me like that, Kugisaki. H-He should be here any second, I swear!” 

He? 

Suddenly, Satoru Gojo teleports in. “What’s going on?” He asks as he looks over at the students. “I didn’t see a threat outside of the school. Yuuji said something bad happened?” 

“Great!” Nobara claps her hands together. “You’re both here!” 

Satoru goes quiet, and you raise an eyebrow. “Uh, yeah?” 

Maki points to you and Satoru. “You two need to talk.” 

“...Sorry?” 

“You two need to talk!” Nobara repeats Maki’s words. “Listen, we can’t stand having our two favorite teachers separated like this. [Y/L/N]-sensei has been gone for days!” 

“Plus, Gojo-sensei, you’ve been super stressed!” Yuuji shouts in defense. “Fushiguro says that you eat a lot more sweets when you’re stressed. You ate two packs of those mini cupcakes, plus the brownie that Nanamin gave me!” 

When Satoru looks over at Yuuta, he throws his hands up. “No, no, please don’t look at me like that! I voted against this! I said that w-we should probably give you two some space to figure it-” Inumaki slaps a hand over his mouth. 

“We’re just… worried,” Megumi mumbles. 

“Yup!” Panda shouts. “Very worried, and that’s why we came up with a plan to get you two back on track. We’re going to lock you two in this room, and you’re not coming out until you’re happy and in love again!” 

“Because you two are supposed to be together forever and get married and invite us to the wedding!” Yuuji pouts, and the rest of the students voice their agreements. 

You can’t believe it. They set you up. Your mouth falls open in shock, and the students all walk outside of the classroom. Maki and Nobara are the last ones out, and they both glare at Satoru. “Geto-sensei said that you missed your anniversary dinner,” Nobara hisses. “You better give her the most amazing, romantic and extravagant dinner after this, or we will deal with you!” 

Behind Nobara, Yuuta chuckles nervously. “...Pretty sure that you won’t be able to get past his infinity-” 

“Shut up, Okkotsu!” The rest of the students shout, then the door shuts and locks with a loud click. You drag a hand down your face, then scoff. Great.

“Wow, they’re really something,” Satoru chuckles, but when you don’t say anything, he turns to face you, his expression serious, even with his usual blindfold on. “Say the word, and I’ll teleport you out of here. Then, I’ll talk to them.” 

“No, it’s okay,” you say quietly as you sit in one of the empty chairs. “We can talk.” 

As you look around the classroom, a few memories from the year before came back. “Wait, this is the classroom where we met, isn’t it?” 

“Looks like it,” Satoru says as he leans against the wall, smiling softly. “Zen’in, Panda, Inumaki, and Okkotsu were first years. You were standing right here. Your first day as a transfer, and you were already teaching these kids as professionals.” 

“Yeah.” You stifle a laugh. “You stayed for the entire lesson, even though you had a meeting with the higher-ups. Suguru and Yaga had to practically drag you out of here so you wouldn’t spend another hour flirting.” 

“They were pissed, but it was worth it. Our newest team member is just so pretty,” he says, then reaches for your hand, your thumb lovingly brushing against yours as his voice dips lower. “The most beautiful woman that my six eyes have ever seen.” 

It’s a nice memory, but when you remember everything else, your smile falters. Satoru sighs, “I’m so sorry, pretty girl. Not just forgetting the annivesary dinner that you planned, but also for leaving you hanging. I don’t blame you for disappearing for a few days. If I were in your shoes, I would’ve been upset, too. I really don’t have an excuse. That was just… wrong.” 

“I appreciate that, Toru, but… are you sure that this even works? All of the chasing, the begging to spend just a few hours together, it’s draining. I know you’re the strongest sorcerer-” 

“You matter more than that,” he says firmly. “So much more than that. If it came down to choosing between you or being the strongest, I’m choosing you in an instant. I meant it when I said that I’d let Toji Fushiguro kill me again before letting you go.” You wince when you remember the gruesome details of that story, but don’t interrupt. “I made a horrible mistake by forgetting that date. I can’t imagine how awful it was sitting at the restaurant all alone. I’m so sorry. I don’t care how long it’ll take to make this up, I’ll prove that you mean the world to me.” 

You consider his words. While you’re still a bit hurt about being forgotten, you miss your boyfriend, and you do believe that he’ll make it up to you, despite you being a bit hesitant. “One more chance, Satoru,” you tell him. “Don’t ever do this to me again.” 

“I won’t. I promise,” he says, lifting his blindfold to reveal the gorgeous, cerulean eyes that you love so much. “You won’t regret this.” When you reach for him, he lowers his infinity fully to let you hug him, a long exhale leaving your body when you’re suddenly wrapped in his arms and his scent. “I missed you,” he whispers to you. “I was so worried. I couldn’t find you.”

“Didn’t mean to worry you.” 

He kisses your cheek, then pulls away from you. “Okay, time to go.” 

“Go where?” 

Satoru chuckles. “I owe you an amazing, romantic, and extravagant dinner, otherwise my students will find a way to kill me. Plus, we’re going to be disappearing for a while. I got a trip planned. Flight leaves early in the morning.”

You gasp. “What?! But what about work? Or the students? Or the-” 

He interrupts you with a feather-light kiss against your lips. “All taken care of, pretty girl,” he purrs. “Just let me make this up to you, okay?” 

“Alright, but first you need to apologize to the students for wreaking havoc while you were stressed, and buy Yuuji a new brownie.” 

[saintobio]

Hi saint! God you have no idea how much I wanted to go home after seeing you updated. You’re basically the only one with notifs on bc I cant, CANT, miss an update from my fave fic of all time (fears for my life bc you said it doesnt get better til chapter 14)

Anyway, this is not really a theory, but im curious as to what transpired between mc and toru the morning after their confrontation. Why did gojo leave? Did they fight? Did mc force him to leave to go to akemi to lessen her feelings of guilt?

Anyway, why do i have a feeling that akemi could, COULD, be 🤰? bc if my memory is correct, I recalled one scene where they woohooed with akemi saying she wanted no protection on? And since i do work on a medical field, it is possible for cramps when implantation happens (mc will have the heart attack of her lifetime istg). Although it could also be bc of her condition bc it wasnt really really explicitly stated in one chapter they woohooed without protection on (my memory is foggy bc i never reread chapters where they woohooed. I feel mc’s pain 🥲🥲) but why do i also have a feeling mc could be pregnant too

👁️👄👁️ bc they did have sachiro after woohooing in the first few chapters of SN (theyre both so fertile skdhjssk). Also, I feel like mc’s heart condition is coming back :((( after chapter 10 where she was pounding her heart to stop the pain, I can only imagine her angina waiting in the corner ;((

There’s only a few remaining chapters left (💔) but theres still so much drama and tension left unresolved (Gem still doesnt know they 👉🏽👌🏽) I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you continuously grace us with your writing. There are only a few fics that really made me feel the pain and surely your writing will always be at the top of a godtier list when it comes to giving heavy angst (i can only hope they have a HEA and have a new kid bc i really wanna see satoru redeem himself as a father 🥲🥲) I will surely miss this series when it ends and I will surely reread this when I am feeling the blues and just want to cry. Your brain and hands work wonders and I hope people here would also learn that waiting for the next update is definitely worth it (please stop pressuring her for new updates :(( saint gives her entire heart writing this. The wait is so so worth it).

And before this ends I would like to ask mc and satoru what are their current thoughts are after their 😏 hot steamy confrontation (I WAS SO HAPPY THEY FCKED TBH) no pressure if they wont answer hehe. Thank you for giving us SN and SY, Saint! I will look forward to future fics from you. Sending you much love and I hope and pray that you get all your heart’s desire 💛💛💛💛

hello loveee!! those are really good questions and thank you so much for ur kind words 🥹 i recognize ur blog bc you’ve been a longtime reader of mine, so happy to still see u here <3 anyway, your theories:

1. the morning after, gojo and yn are already having an emotional exchange (kinda) thats why yn was already crying when akemi caught them!

2. what i can only say is akemi’s pelvic pain situation is there for a specific reason :)

3. their families (gen, momjo, etc) will be back soon, it’s total chaos

4. while doing it? they’re definitely going crazy for each other. next morning is all guilt !!

[softxsuki]

Hey there!!

I just discovered your blog while looking for some comfort fics and I immediately loved your newest Hawks fic and I will definitely be checking out your Yona fics now!🥹🥹

I have an urgent request too actually but pls don't feel pressured or anything if you are busy!! I'm just having a really bad BPD episode at the moment and I have the urge to cut everyone I love off because I feel unloved by them and like such a burden to everyone and I feel like I can't handle the pain anymore..

Sooo therefore I'd like to request Drabbles/Oneshots (honestly fully up to you) for Hawks, Gojo and Lucifer (only if that's okay for you ofc!!🩷) with a reader who acts all cold and becomes more and more distant in their relationship and when they confront her about it she breaks down and admits that she did it out of fear that they were going to abandon her anyway and bcs she felt like they deserved better..?

I know it's very specific and I am kind of embarrassed to ask for it but honestly my fav characters are my only source of comfort rn and I saw that you do mental health requests/comfort fics and I thought it's the sweetest and most thoughtful thing ever!!🥲

So even if you won't write this for or can't do it "immediately" I wanna thank you for doing this for the mentally ill folks who get their comfort from fictional characters. You are a lovely person! 🥹

-🩷

Hawks, Gojo, and Lucifer (Separate) with Reader Who Tries To Cut Them Out of Her Life

Pairings: Hawks x Fem!Reader, Gojo x Fem!Reader, Lucifer x Fem!MC

Warnings: mentions of feeling like a burden, wanting to cut loved ones out of your life, unedited (excuse any mistakes)

Genre: comfort

Post-Type: headcanons

Word Count: 1.07k

Summary: In which you try and distance yourself from them and they realize and try to talk it out with you (Yeah ik I'm still bad at writing these summaries, I'm sorry 😢 😂 )

[A/N: HEY! Thank you so much for your sweet words! I'm blessed that I'm able to write things for people that provide them with comfort. I'm so sorry for the long wait, life has been crazy, but I managed to find the motivation to get this done today! I hope it helps. I know you were looking for oneshots or drabbles, but I only write headcanons when someone wants a request for multiple people, so I hope that's okay! Enjoy! I hope it provides you with a little bit of comfort if anything :) <3 Take care!]

Hawks:

He gets very petty and if you decide to avoid him, he won’t make the effort to force you to be in his presence, but ofc it does sadden him, he loves you and having you push him away and not reach out to him less and less, hurts

Until one day he grows impatient with your silence

What did he do to have you shut him out? Why were you doing this? 

He needed answers and he needed them now, so get ready for him banging at your door and inviting himself in as soon as you open it a crack

Hawks is gentle with the way he approaches the issue, honestly he might think that he may have accidentally done or said something without realizing it that possibly hurt your feelings

So he begins with an apology and just asks what you need him to do for you to forgive him for whatever he’s done

You mean the world to him, so having you slowly push him away from you without any kind of warning makes him nervous…he can’t lose you

“I know I’m out frequently doing hero work, and I sometimes have to leave our dates if I’m called for an emergency. I’m sorry if you’ve felt like I don’t care about you because of these things. But I want you to know right here and now that I love you so much and nothing will ever change that. So please, let me into your heart, don’t push me away anymore Y/N…”

Once you tell him that you’ve just been feeling like a burden to him, he moves quickly to wipe those thoughts out of your head

Never once has he thought you were a burden and his love for you just seems to grow as the days pass

Moving forward, he tries his best to verbally express his feelings for you more often, as well as trying to find time to see you again if he ever has to leave for a hero emergency

From now on, you’ll never doubt his love for you–and please, just mention whenever you feel this way again to him, he’d love to talk it out with you instead of just having you push him away

Gojo:

This man gets so pouty when you decide to ignore him

But it doesn’t affect how much he sees you on a daily basis

He refuses to let you avoid him and will continue to stick by your side

He’ll annoy you with his presence everyday, until you lash out in desperation because as much as you tried to slowly avoid him he was always there

But he remains unphased through it all and continues to act like this idiot he is

He does however, decide to get a little serious and hear you out as to why you are attempting to push him away, when you already know you’re stuck with him for life

Gojo isn’t stupid, as much as he tries to avoid serious conversations, once you actually open up to him, he knows that it’s time to listen to you and be there for you.

So when he hears that you’ve been feeling like a burden to him, he patiently listens to you the whole time

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that. If anything I’m probably the one who’s a burden on you. I know I can be too much sometimes, but I just want to make sure you’re always happy. I’m sorry for not realizing your feelings sooner, Y/N. I don’t know exactly what's going on in that head of yours, and even though I joke around too much you can always open up to me about all those complicated feelings in your heart.”

A rare, empathetic Gojo moment that you out of everyone else in his life gets to see, so it’s truly an honor

Be he wipes an insecurities you may be feeling away and gets to joking around again in hope that it helps lift your mood

He’d probably put his phone on silent from all the elder higher-ups trying to contact him and spend the day with you–after all you are the most important person in his life, he’d do anything for you

Lucifer:

Out of everyone else on this list, Lucifer definitely knows what’s up even by the slightest change in your mood or actions towards him

I picture him not caring that you’re pushing him away, he's still going to go see you every morning and wish you goodnight every night

Stubbornness doesn’t work on him. He’s been alive for too long to have things go over his head so he already can kinda guess what’s going on with you after avoiding him just once

Literally, he sense something is off so fast, and his pride won’t allow him to just leave you be so you hear him knocking at your bedroom door so fast; you didn’t even get a chance to properly try and avoid him NFJENAKF

So he gets down to business very quickly, asking you what’s been going on and what he can do to help you feel better

Don’t even try to play dumb and act like nothing's wrong by trying to persuade him that you’re completely fine–he will see right through all your attempts

Once he is aware of how you’ve been feeling, he’s almost offended

“Have I done anything to prove that I do not care for you anymore MC? I invite you to my room each night, I treat you with respect and as much love as I possibly can. I know I’m not always as open with my feelings in public, but we both know that if I didn’t care for you, I wouldn't give you my time of day. That would never happen though, I’m already in too deep for you and nothing can change that…not even if Diavolo himself commanded it.”

He’s a passionate man, and knowing that you felt like he didn’t love you anymore really bruised his pride.

Expect many romantic advances after this; private dinners at Ristorante Six (he’ll rent out the whole place for you), going to see plays together, late night walks in the devildom away from his chaotic brothers who won’t leave you alone, and much more

He’ll make sure you know he loves you at the end of every night, so be prepared!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 4/26/2023

[gojology]

— Gojo and Nanami | Their Insecurities

pairing : insecure gojo x gender neutral reader, insecure nanami x gender neutral reader warnings : unedited, probably some misspellings, maybe some cursing, i probably dont make sense at all wordcount : 1703 a/n : this is so bad dear god please forgive me for deeming this as content

GOJO SATORU ‧₊˚✩彡.

☆ Gojo’s insecure about his lack of bodyhair. His lack of facial hair and arm hair worries him. Being babyfaced wasn’t something positive in his eyes- no, he wishes he was physically more masculine.

   Your eyes meet his, the sun rays bathing both of you in an orange filtered light. His mouth is slightly opened, skin flush to the touch. After a night of intimacy, your ready for another round, pushing your palm towards his forehead. “Good morning, Satoru.” you say, voice slightly wavering even in the most private presence, without the formalities and what not, he’s surprisingly normal, and it’s taken you a bit to adjust to that. He’s warm, but it’s the good kind of warm, and it shows on his silly, dopey smile.

    You guess it wasn’t the time for more sex, so you resist your urges, directing the energy to something else.

    Gradually, your palms find themselves on his cheeks, and you pinch them slightly, giving him a look you hope is loving- because you really do mean it. Your rest assured, as the curve to his swollen lips grew even wider. The sounds of bird chirped as your fingers danced across his jawline, finally at your final stop, his chin. 

    You tip his chin up, and sure enough, hickeys are adorning his neck. A feeling of joy and honor fills you for a brief second, you were the one that was allowed to see him vulnerable, given the pass into his locked up heart. He finally breaks the silence between the two of you, pushing away your slack hand delicately. 

    It’s peculiar, there’s a tremble to his lips, like he’s scared, or about to burst into a fit of tears. You think it should be the other way around, but here you were, arms held close to your chest, looking at him with a mixture of curiosity and anticipation, bated breath preventing you from questioning the sudden change in tone. 

    “Hey, um, Y/N, weird ass question, but, am I hairy? Like, wooly mammoth hairy?” 

    You can’t tell if it’s sarcasm or not.

    Trying not to make a face, you shrug your shoulders. “Well, I mean, not really. You’re actually pretty nonhairy, in terms of uh... The average-” you pause, realizing how drastically his face fell. “-But I do like non-hairy guys! Who would wanna date a wooly mammoth anyways? Hey, baby..” you coo, giving him a tiny peck on the cheek, fluttering your eyelashes.     “What’s this about? Hey, you know, you can just be straightforward with me, I don’t mind.” 

    He doesn’t take a moment of hesitation, exasperatedly blurting out, “Does my lack of.. Hair, bother you?” but it seems he regrets it, your cheeks puffing up, stifling a giggle. Yet, he maintains the bone-chilling eye contact, his eyes are as vivid as ever, so blue it looked like the entrance to heaven. Your immediately lulled, whatever he was going to say was definitely urgent.

    “W-What? Are you being serious?” covering your mouth, your voice is muffled, but his face looks absolutely terrified, and you relish in how funny he looked. It wasn’t everyday that he was genuinely frightened, well, maybe he didn’t show it often.    “Of course not! Why would I be even remotely worried about bodyhair when I have something way more eye-catching in front of me?”

    The shock turns into a sheepish smile, returning for a second time, your heart melting instantly. He takes a long, deep breath, exhaling the tension away, tugging at the covers to go over his chest. You hadn’t realized that he had stolen more than half of the blanket for himself, but you don’t make a fuss about it. 

    For all the weight he carried on his sagging shoulders, you’re sure the warmth is appreciated. 

NANAMI KENTO ‧₊˚✩彡.

☆ Nanami thinks he’s a boring person, through and through. Outside of work, he doesn’t see why anyone would want him. Some days, he wonders if he should pick up on Gojo’s personality, telling jokes and being sarcastic and what not.

   The fine, white porcelain Nanami had gifted you was beautiful, to say the least. Nanami frequently shone it until it glimmered in the light, wiping any smudge or speck of dirt that dared to get on his beloved tea set that he gifted to you a few months prior. Gold trim, alongside depictions of birds fluttering about, and your favorite flowers. It’s perfect for you, and that’s why he had gotten it. His eyes had instantly brightened, picturing your beaming face as you served the two of you some tea.

   But he wonders, would you be happier if he perhaps gifted you something more up to date in comparison to the porcelain? He had enough money to buy you the world, bags, jewelry, he’d often used to hear stories of his co-workers giving their wives expensive, well, anything, and they’d be over the moon. A sudden realization grew inside of him at the thought of this:    

   Was he too out-of-date?    

   The thought went rampant in his usually collected mind, twisting and turning at night, only the sound of you, deep in sleep, could calm the troubled man down. As a consequence to his overthinking, he got little to no rest, and if he got little to no rest, his eyebags would turn their ugly, sneering faces in his direction.

     And so, as he’s baking tea cakes to go along with the afternoon tea the two of you would routinely drink, he’s going deep into depth of himself. He’s a good worker, good at...

     What was he good at? Aside from work, he can’t see why he’d be of use. Nanami acknowledges he’s stoic, which may be good in some cases, but often, everyone runs away from him because he appears as scary with those cold, calculating eyes. As opposed to Gojo, everyone enjoyed how lenient of a teacher he was. Well, Nanami isn’t sure on that, maybe aside from Megumi, Nobara, and Yuuji, everyone hated that. Regardless, him and Gojo don’t share something in common.

     Gojo has humor, and he doesn’t. 

     So why did you like him? 

     Nanami’s subconsciously drumming his long, bony fingers against the counter, eyes studying the ceiling like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Steadily, an acrid smell completely overwhelmed your senses- now, you’re hacking into your arm, and finally, Nanami comes back to Earth. 

     He blinks a few times, like he’s drinking in his surroundings, before he realizes the tea cakes are completely burning into a crisp.

Now, he’s on heightened alert, yanking open the handle to the oven and fanning out the flames with a random oven mitt he had hastily grabbed for. Beads of sweat are developing on his skin, before finally, you rush in, still hacking up a storm with a large pot of freezing water in your shaking hands.

     Nanami curses himself for ever appearing as informal, but then he remembers he’s infront of his significant other, he didn’t have to put on an act. His face relaxes, and he opens his mouth to speak, to apologize, but he’s paused- by you. You raise your palm up at him, the other hand opening up a window looking over the garden.

      “Nana.” he freezes completely, the affectionate nickname was specially reserved for confrontations like this. You spoke softly, which, for some reason, was significantly worse than you screaming into his ear. Your eyes follow suit, staring at his collar, loosening his tie. He winces, but Nanami’s not sure why he does. You had touched him millions of times, so why was it now that he didn’t accept it?

     “Yes, my love?” he finally breathes out, wrapping a strong, gentle arm around your waist just loosely. You place your thumb just below his lower lip, your index finger rubbing his plush lips all at the same time. The exchange is purely affectionate, yet, he’s still tense. 

    “What has gotten into you?” you murmur. 

    “I- Nothing, darling, I’ll bake another-” 

    “No.” is all you say before you grab him by the chin, unwavering. Usually, those piercing eyes of his are emotionless, something shocking. The eyes are the gateway to the soul, so why is it that it’s blocked off? But you guess it wasn’t the case here, he stared back with the same level of intensity, fear and peculiarity. You stay in that position for a little, savoring just how much you must mean to him, it wasn’t everyday he was vulnerable and let you inside.      Your breathing is heavy, eyelids heavy as well due to his routinely ruckus every night, but you’re determined to erase any trace there was left of that.       You kiss him. It’s sloppy, yet chaste. A fight for dominance usually occurs between the two of you, and almost routinely, Nanami wins, but this time, he lets you do the work. 

   Your lips never once trail away from his own. Heavy breathing through nostrils, hands roaming where it shouldn’t at such an early time, but who gave a fuck about the rules? It wasn’t a workplace, and you’d never let it be one. He clings onto your figure, you savor his muscular physique. Not once do his hands not roam, your flesh was his, and his was yours. 

    Finally, you pull away, heat rising to your cheeks, tears are beginning to dawn on your glassy eyes. “I’ve listened to you roll around in bed every night, mumbling shit about how you don’t see why I’d want you. You better donate your eyes and brain to charity right now.” 

   This wasn’t the reaction, or beatdown he was expecting. He flinches at the vivid image he got of you gouging out his eyeballs. “...Why must I do that? 

   “Because, you don’t use them, obviously. If you took a fucking second of your life to look deeper into your personality below the surface level, you’d see how fucking amazing you are and I love you for that.” 

   Shaking your head furiously, you shush him up yet again when he finally decides to speak up, tears are beginning to spill down your cheeks. “Shut up, Nana. Shut. Up.” pulling him in for another kiss, your hands grabbing at his shoulder like he was going to let go. 

   But he never did. 

[jgnico]

since we're all discussing about gojo currently, i am asking you of your humble opinion of what kind of person gojo would be like if he was ever close to someone, family-wise/sibling-wise/son-wise asking for research purposes but also of my crippling fear of accidentally mischaracterizing one of gege-sensei's unique characters but thats besides the point jkdsdskdfh

Wanna preface this by saying that I'm just one dude with his own interpretation of the character, so you're welcome to take what I say with a grain of salt. If you're writing, write what feels comfortable to you when you think of the character.

Typically when I think of how Gojo would act around people that he cares about, I reference back to his interactions with Geto, Shoko, and Riko a lot. He's incredibly observant when he wants to be, so if he has a reason to notice that someone he cares for is upset, he'll try to fix it. Even if its just a short-term solution, even if that solution comes at a cost to his own comfort.

With Riko, he's willing to sacrifice sleep and run himself ragged just so that she experiences even one more day as a teenager with a life that's fully her own to live. He messes with her and pranks her, but most importantly, he makes her laugh. He makes sure that if this truly is her last chance to make memories, then they're going to be good ones. A few hours of sleep for him becomes trivial in exchange.

This is also the first instance that we get his sense of justice for other people's lives taking precedent over his standing with the higher-ups. He's the one that proposes defying orders and fighting Tengen just to keep Riko safe, which would have definitely gotten him and Geto into a ton of trouble, if not outright ended with them being labeled as Curse Users. Tengen is the foundation of their society, but he doesn't care because he and Geto are the Strongest and he knows that Riko doesn't deserve the fate that she's been assigned, so why wouldn't the rebel for her?

So I'd say he's the kind of person to strive for the the happiness of his loved ones, even if that means annoying them or putting himself on the line to do so.

Think of Megumi here as well. Keeping the potential (and rightful) head of the Zen'in Clan away from them just because that's what Megumi wants most definitely wasn't an easy task, but he does so anyway. While I personally don't think they have an incredibly close relationship, I think that Gojo understands that Megumi doesn't want him to act as a surrogate family member for him. So he doesn't. Instead, he nudges Megumi in the direction of building his own relationships at his own pace and brings him out of his comfort zone by messing with him. If it gets a smile or a sense of happiness that he's never privvy to, then that's fine. They're not for him.

With Geto, we get to see Gojo when he's truly comfortable with someone. He doesn't worry about putting on a front of being the strongest and lets himself truly relax as a result. I think Geto and Shoko are the only people that we've seen this side of him with. He lets Geto into his space and feels safe in showing his actual emotions to him because he trusts Geto to safeguard that kind of vulnerability.

With both Shoko and Geto, we also get a brief moment where he comes to them to help him improve himself. Seeing his forced isolation later on in the manga, this is a huge deal when it comes to his character and shows that he's willing to rely on other people to help him so long as he trusts them to not take advantage of his "weaknesses." Then later on, with Shoko, he puts his faith in her to help him keep Yuuji hidden from the higher-ups. So he's willing to rely on others, he's just picky on who he gives that privilege too, which is understandable given what he's been through.

Last point I wanna touch on is Gojo's last interaction with Geto because I think it's the softest that we've ever seen him. He's angry at first, he's fully prepared to confront Geto with all of the hurt that he feels, but when he actually sees Geto and the state that he's in, all of that gets pushed to the side in exchange for comforting him (to get a clear look of what I'm talking about, feel free to go back and look at his expressions through their conversation in chapter 0.4) and when Geto says something to annoy him, he falls back into the same role that they had while they were students. He shows his annoyance, he jokes with him, because he never held a grudge against him. He always cared for him and never stopped caring for him, which is why he makes him smile in his last moments.

This is also probably why he doesn't let them cremate Geto's body as if he's just another unfortunate sorcerer that died for the sake of their duty to protect non-sorcerers. That's not what Geto would have wanted, that's everything that Geto was fighting against, and Gojo is going to give him that last dignity in whatever way he can. (He also probably couldn't bring himself to truly let Geto go, which makes sense when you think about him still labeling him as his best friend --his one and only-- after a decade of being apart.)

This is also why he's so upset when he sees Kenjaku for the first time. Because despite his efforts to bring Geto peace and to do right by him, that sentiment was ultimately twisted and used against him. It's a moment of his status within the world being used to harm the people that he loves just to get to him and his reaction to that is grief and anger.

He also isn't the type of person to let the people that he cares about go. He doesn't distance himself from them emotionally once they're gone from his life and he doesn't think negatively of them in their absence. He feels deeply about people and the lives that they should have. Having their happiness and safety ruined are harsh blows to his own emotional and mental well-being, but ultimately he'll use those tragedies as fuel toward strengthening his own beliefs in a world where those sacrifices aren't necessary anymore.

I feel like I've talked way too much though, so I'll close this off by saying that Gojo is incredibly sympathetic under his facade of emotional distance. His lack of empathy will mean that he messes up and that he doesn't quite connect with how his actions effect others, but that doesn't mean that he won't notice and understand those emotions when they're present.

[jd-loves-fiction]

Hi there! I just bumped in your blog and I’m slowly reading all your writing (I love them very much!!!)

So I was wondering: can I request headcanons/drabbles/what you want about Gojo Satoru (and any other character of your choice) x f!reader who loves to sing and play guitar but at the same time is shy and insecure about her talent, so she never sings in front of them... until they overheard her? (Sorry for my bad English, is not my first language!)

🌙i swear you guys know me so well, cuz all your requests really hit different 🥴 (also your English is great don't worry👌😌)

[22:19] The room was dark, stuffy and full of dust as you walked in, turning on the dim light to illuminate your path through the mountains of stuff. You hadn't stepped foot in the storage room for awhile, having no need to do so, but you were bored. And slightly worried, and therefore, with a need to turn your brain off for a bit.

Gojo was out on a mission, and even though he was the most powerful sorcerer there was and he'd done this a thousand times already, you really couldn't help it.

Somehow, for some reason, you were hit with the urge to dig out the guitar you'd hidden from Gojo some weeks back. You still played it sometimes, but never in front of him in fear of judgement. Which did sound silly, you knew that. It was Gojo, he'd never judge you. He'd probably be a little hurt that you hid this from him.

Gojo was a sneaky man with good hearing, so you were almost sure he'd heard you singing before, but the problem was being confronted with it. Which he'd never done.

You took the wooden instrument and sat on the couch, taking this quiet moment to let your talent shine in the desolate silence of your empty home. You flexed your fingers for a moment, taking a deep breath before letting your voice be heard in a crescendo as you lost yourself to the melody.

You did so so effectively, that you failed to realize that Gojo was home, quietly walking in after catching the first notes produced by your lovely voice.

Gojo really was a sneaky man. Always had been.

He leaned against the wall as he allowed you to continue, stress immediately relieved by the sound of your passion.

You finally finished your solo act, still looking down at your at your hands as they rested on the strings.

Gojo felt the nearly overwhelming need to wrap his arms around you and shower you in praise, but he controlled himself for a moment, not wanting to scare you. So he cleared his throat softly, still managing to startle you a little as a blush painted your cheeks.

"Hi." He said quietly, gently, so unlike his usually boisterous and loud persona. Gojo felt like a highschooler again in that moment, walking on eggshells and hoping to not scare you away by saying the wrong thing.

"Hi." You greeted back, fingers tightening around the guitar subconsciously with your nervousness.

"I'm not going to say that you should've told me about this wonderful talent of yours. Because you don't owe me that. But I am glad I got to hear it. It was beautiful, babe." Gojo spoke in a honeyed tone, so sweet and warm. There was still that mischievousness in his his voice that he seemed unable to erase, but it was playful in order to loosen the tension. And that, you could appreciate.

You thanked him in a whisper, getting up from the couch to wrap him up in your arms tightly, relief that he was safe taking priority over your embarrassment.

"Maybe one day, we can sing together." He suggested as his long arms wrapped around you just as tightly.

Given what you'd heard in the shower, you felt the need to laugh, but given the atmosphere that had settled over the two of you, you nodded against his chest with a grin, "Yeah, that sounds like fun."

[seoafin]

i just noticed, that when i compared kaikai kitan’s lyrics from those lyrics channel/ websites with eng translations & from jpnese websites, the kanjis aren’t the same, that’s why it seems um, “choppy” so i decided to try translate the ones from jpnese website (it seems more reliable LMAO, i’ll add the links for the comparison [if u want to] in the end) AND IM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG ASKS

(before i start, i still have a rly long way to go with this language so i’m so sry if there’s any mistranslations 🙇‍♀️)

[note: literal meaning = with → ; idiomatic/ my (shitty) personal take = with ⇒]

有象無象 人の成り(uzo-muzou, hito no nari) = small fry, what (or how) a man is composed of

虚勢 心象 人外 物の怪みたいだ (kyosei, shinshou, jingai, mononoke mitaida) = fictitious, an image, a monster, it's like a demon spirit/ ghost

→ small fry, a man is composed of fictitiousness & an imagination : it's like a monster or a demon spirit/ ghost.

⇒ humanity is just like a mixture of small fries. ppl are usually trying to show their goodness, but it's superficial (“humans are built from lies. there’s always an underside to the emotions and actions shown on the surface. but negative emotions...like hatred and murderous intent never lie.” - jogo). they’re not the human being, but like monsters/ the fake one. [cursed spirits’ pov?]

虚心坦懐 命宿し(kyoshin-tankai, inochi yadoshi) = feeling calm, new life springs

あとは ぱっぱらぱな 中身なき人間 (ato wa pappara pa na nakami-naki ningen) = at the last a foolish, empty man is left

→ calm spirits were gifted lives. what left is the foolish & empty (hu)man.

⇒ and now, the nature, which people fear, were gifted lives as the cursed spirits. they’re the genuine "humanity." except for them, the rest are just the assemblage of foolish & hollow people. [from the stand point of cursed spirits]

寄せる期待 不平等な人生 (yoseru kitai, fubyoudou na jinsei) = with an anticipation/ expectation, with an unfair life

才能もない, 大乗非日常が (saino mo nai, daijo hinichijo ga) = without talent, the days out-of-ordinary that i arrived in to save the people

→ my life was an unfair and inept one, and i just lived with some anticipation. now, i’ve arrived in the days out-of ordinary to save the people.

⇒ though he expected how his life would treats him, all he can see are the unfair deaths of the ppl. yuuji, a boy without any talent (no cursed technique/ a capacity for jujutsu), has gotten involved in the days out-of ordinary to save others.

⇒ geto told himself that protecting ppl is his job, & struggled for their peace. but, the constant unfair deaths of his allies even though the weak they’re trying to save are foolish is the truth. the days out-of ordinary suddenly comes to the ordinary, non-talented people (the village ig)

怨親平等に 没個性 (onshin-byodou, ni botsu-kosei) = treating equally both my foes and friends, and with no personality stands out

辿る記憶 僕に居場所などないから(tadoru kioku, boku ni ibasho nadonaikara) = pursuing my memory for my existence, nowhere is left

→ i rmbr that i treated ppl equally even the ppl who had no personality that stands out (might be a continuation of the prev line), but i have nowhere to go now.

⇒ once, geto treated ppl, both shamans & non-shamans equally, but the latter didn't have any personality stand out in themselves bc of their ignorance; besides, [sometimes] they show their hostility to them (how the twins are treated in the countryside). after eliminating them, he remembers the days with his friends, but there’s nowhere to go [stsg confrontation ig]

夢の狭間で 泣いてないで (yume no hazama de naitenaide) = don’t cry (like that) in the gap between the dreams

どんな顔すればいいか わかってる(don-na kaosureba iika, wakatteru) = how to express my feeling on my face is that, i know/ understand

だけど まだ応えてくれよ(dakedo mada, kotaete kureyo) = but answer me for a while longer

→ i know (/understand) how i should express my feeling, but answer me for a while longer.

闇を祓って, 闇を祓って(yami wo haratte (2x)) = purify the darkness (2x)

夜の帳が下りたら 合図だ (yoru no tobari ga oritara aizu da) = when the curtain of the night has been lowered, it's the signal

→ shamans exorcise cursed spirits within a curtain (tobari)

相対して 廻る環状戦 (aitai-shite, mawaru kanjo-sen) = in opposite (/on the other hand), unending/endless battles go around

戯言などは 吐き捨ていけと(zaregoto nado wa hakisute ike to) = for words like nonsense, i was told to spit out them and go

→ they (?) told me to spit out such nonsense like words, and just go ahead.

まだ止めないで まだ止めないで(mada tomenaide (2x)) = don't let it stop for now (2x)

→ don’t let me stop for now (2x)

誰よりも 聡く在る 街に生まれしこの正体を(dareyorimo satoku aru machi ni umareshi kono sho-tai wo) = the presense being the smartest for the identity born in this town/ this identity of the creature born in this town exists as the smartest one.

今は ただ呪い呪われた僕の未来を創造して(imawa tada, noroi-norowareta boku no mirai wo, sozou shite) = for now, just create my future that was cursed /it creates my cursed future

⇒ itadori’s life was flipped upside down after eating the finger and turned to a vessel, but he continues on anyways to see the cursed future

走って転んで 消えない痛み抱いては(hashitte koronde, kienai itami daite wa) = run and slip, and with embracing the pain that doesn't leave me

→ i’ll keep running though sometimes i slipped, along with embracing the pain that doesn't leave me.

⇒ on the way, yuuji’s been through some tragedies and he’ll encounter much more. even so, he’s going to embrace the pain that won’t ever fade away (maybe abt junpei..?) [1]

世界が待ってる この一瞬を(sekai ga matteru, kono isshun wo) = the world is waiting for this moment

抒情的感情が 揺らいでいくバグ(jojouteki-kanjou ga yuraideiku, bug) = emotions are changing their forms with a bug

→ the BUG causes my emotions to change gradually.

(tbh i’m still confused on how to translate this)

↳ 揺ら yura = waver/ unstable ; 抒情 jojou = description of one’s feeling

従順に従った欠陥の罰 (jyu-jyun ni shitagatta kekkan no batsu) = the punishment of the defective who followed obediently

⇒ it’s a punishment, geto, as a defective carried bc of following it (a person, ig??¿)

死守選択しかない 愛に 無常気 (shishu-sentaku shikanai ai ni, mujo-ki) = the choice left is to protect it at any cost, love and the heart that feels everything dies/ change easily

↳ or, impermance in love, there’s no choice but to protect it until the very end(/ at any cost) with a heart that feels everything change/ dies easily

声も出せないまま (koe mo dasenai mama) = my voice hasn't been able to be raised/ without being able to raise my voice

傀儡な誓いの無き 百鬼夜行 (kugutsu na, chikai no naki, hyakki-yako) = without any vow that were empty like a puppet, hyakki yako (the night parade of the 100 demons)

→without any vow, geto caused the hyakki yako. it’s like he’s just a marionette, being empty (maybe it’s implying that 🧠 is controlling it rn)

数珠繋ぎなこの果てまでも (juzu-tsunagi na kono hate mademo) = even to the end where everything (every event in this world) is linked together

⇒ even after gojo killed him

極楽往生 現実蹴って 凪いで(gokuraku oujo, genjitsu kette, naide) = rest in peace, kick the reality, and calm down

→ rest in peace? it doesn't exist in the reality, so i kicked it, and then calmed down

⇒ geto can’t even have a peaceful death, he wants to kick (read : strangle) the reality which has his body in a shaman’s control

命を投げ出さないで (inochi wo nagedasanaide) = don't throw your life away

内の脆さに浸って(uchino morosa ni hitatte) = bask in the fragility of one's heart

→ don’t throw your life away without basking in the fragility of your heart

どんな顔すればいいか　わかんないよ (don-na kao sureba iika wakan-naiyo) = i don’t know how i should express my feeling (with my face)

今はただ応えてくれよ(imawa tada kotaete kureyo) = but just answer me for now

→ i don't know how i should express my feeling, but answer me just now

五常を解いて 五常を解いて(gojo wo toite (2x)) = disentangle gojo [confucianism] (2x)

→ disentangle the thought of gojo (2x)

⇒rescue gojou (from the prison realm) [explanation at the end]

不確かな声を紡ぐイデア(futashika na koe wo tsumugu idea) = the idea deliberates the unclear voices (that’s hard to hear)

相殺して 廻る感情線 (sousai shite, mawaru kanjousen) = countervail something, and the continuous emotion going around (/ looping/ revolving)

→ my continuous emotion is going around in my mind with (sth ?¿) countervailing it [i actually wanna go w neutralize it but it seems off]

その先に今 立ち上がる手を(sonosaki ni ima, tachiagaru te wo) = on the road ahead, now give me the hand to raise myself up

→ give me ur hand to raise myself up to see my future (yuuji’s pov(?)?))

ただ追いかけて ただ追いかけて(tada oikakete (2x)) = just by following / u just kept following them (?) [2x]

⇒ yuuji following in gojo’s path (taking the line after this into acct)

誰よりも強く在りたいと願う 君の運命すら (dare yorimo tsuyoku aritai to negau kimi no unmei sura) = even the fate of yours despite of your desire that being stronger than anyone else

→ even the fate of yours despite of the desire that being stronger than anyone else,

⇒ most likey yuuji, and his line, “i want to become strong. please teach me to be ‘the strongest’”

今はただ ほの暗い夜の底に (ima wa tada, honogurai yoru no soko ni) = just only for now, at the bottom of the gloomy (/dim) night

深く深く落ちこんで(fukaku fukaku ochikonde) = deeply, much more deeply (it) falls

→ it has only fallen to the bottom of the gloomy night deeply, much more deeply for now.

⇒ (+ the continuation from the previous line) this may implied shibuya (?), only more than 4 hours passed for the whole arc after all and yuuji witnessing what happened to nanami and nobara in front of his eyes [2]

不格好に見えたかい (bukakko ni mietakai) = seems (seemed) uncool?

これが今の僕なんだ (korega imano bokunanda) = this is what i am, how my present being

→ this is what i am, what i can be now

何者にもなれないだけの屍だ 嗤えよ(nanimono nimo, narenai dakeno, shikabaneda waraeyo) = i'm just only a dead that can't be anything, anyone, you can ridicule me (for it)

→ you can ridicule me. i'm just only a dead that can't be anything, anyone.

⇒ geto (?) and his wild goose chase (?) but now he’s dead and someone is using his body

↳ 屍 = can also be corpse

目の前の全てから 逃げることさえやめた(menomae no subetekara, nigeru koto sae yameta) = everything in front of me, i’ve quit running away from/ i’ve quit running away from all the things surround (/in front of) me

イメージを繰り返し 想像の先をいけと (image wo kurikaeshi, so-zo no saki wo ike to) = keep drawing inspiration, and go over the (/ ur) imagination

⇒ (+ continuation from the last line) this one may refer to yuuji’s strong will or megumi in jjk 58 “with a firm base, skill, and imagination...a person can change to the slightest of events”

闇を祓って 闇を祓って (yami wo haratte (2x)) = purify the darkness (2x)

夜の帳が下りたら合図だ (yoruno tobari ga oritara aizu da) = when the curtain of the night has been lowered, it's the signal

相対して 廻る環状戦 (sou-sai shite, mawaru kan-jyo-sen) = in opposite (/on the other hand), unending/endless battles go around

戯言などは 吐き捨ていけと(zaregoto nado wa, hakisute ike to) = for words like nonsense, i was told to spit out them and go

→ they told me to spit out such nonsense like words, and just go ahead.

まだ止めないで まだ止めないで(mada tomenaide (2x)) = don't let it stop for now (2x)

→ don't let it (/me) stop for now (2x)

誰よりも 聡く在る 街に生まれしこの正体を(dareyorimo satoku aru machi ni umareshi kono sho-tai wo) = the presense being the smartest for the identity born in this town

→ this identity of the creature born in this town exists as the smartest one.

今は ただ呪い呪われた僕の未来を創造して(imawa tada, noroi-norowareta boku no mirai wo, sozou shite) = for now, just create my future that was cursed /it creates my cursed future

走って転んで 消えない痛み抱いては(hashitte koronde, kienai itami daite wa) = run and slip, with embracing the pain that doesn't leave me

→ i’ll keep running though sometimes i slipped, along with embracing the pain that doesn't leave me.

世界が待ってる この一瞬を(sekai ga matteru, kono isshun wo) = the world is waiting for this moment

a) a proverb :

虚心坦懐 (kyoshin-tankai) = literally : empty// void; heart// mind// spirit; level// wide; pocket; heart

↳ the feeling "calm" or "relaxed" / the generosity without any prejudice/ with an open and calm mind, with no preconceived notions, without reserve, frank, candid

↳ 虚心 = a lack of prejudice/ preconception; 坦懐 = inner peace

↳"虚心坦懐 (が) 命 (を) 宿す" = "the feeling calm was gifted a life/ a new life springs." would be the meaning. it may describe the origin of the cursed spirits that may come from humans’ defilements / klesas or fear of natural disaster

a) 6 buddhist terms :

1) 有象無象 (uzo-muzo)

↳ literally : exist-shape-nothing-shape

it can be the mob/ masses. it’s a combination of the buddhist phrase : all things; things with physical forms and things without physical forms; material/ immaterial , visible/ invisible to denote the entirety of existence. by extension, “a large number of unexceptional people; the unwashed masses”; a term used to belittle mob behavior or “the common folk.” it’s probs humans from the cursed spirits’ perspective/  jogo’s “true humans” talk

2) 大乗 (daijo) = "the great vehicle" this word came from, "大乗仏教 (daijo-bukkyo)" = mahayana sect/ doctrine. mahayana emphasizes altruistic practice—called the bodhisattva practice—as a means to attain enlightenment for oneself and help others attain it as well [aka gojo who attained “enlightment” but stays in the figurative endless cycle of life and death, the college]

3) 怨親平等 (onshin byo do) = the attitude to treat friend and foe equally/ one’s foe and friend is equal/ hate and affection is equal

↳ the word byodo is connected with (平等王 byodo-o) = king impartial judge/ 10 kings (judges) of the underworld [this one is based from chinese taoism] and one of them is yama (sukuna’s mudra) who judges the dead on the 35th day    [3]

4 無常気 (mujo ki) = the heart that feels everything is fragile/ impermanence of the world, usually changing easily (it came from a chinese translation of a buddist scripture)

↳ 無常 = impermanence (nature of life)

↳ 気 = mind

5 数珠 (jyuzu) = the item to count the times of chanting the sutras, which form is the same to the bracelet strung with beads. the number of beads of the bracelet is 108 which signifies klesas/ curses + 4 smaller beads signifying the great 4 bodhisattvas, and the usage is similar to a rosary.

6 極楽往生 (gokuraku oujo) : "極楽" & "往生," has its own meaning each:

↳ 極楽: perfect bliss; the pure land of amitabha’s buddha (in buddhism pure land sect/ doctrine)

↳ 往生: death; dying a happy death.

↳ it’d be easier if we make "極楽往生" ⇾ "being born in the pure land after life/ rebirth in paradise (the word is a reference to the pure land section doctrine of amitabha buddha’s paradise/ pure land)

personally, i’ll go with “a peaceful death/ getting a rest in peace” (bc of the promise of reciting amitabha’s name would be born in the pure land, free from the samsaric cycle so they can focuse on attaining nirvana thing). the word “極楽往生” sort of reminds me of yuuji’s & his wish to give ppl a “just death” even though that his “just death” isn’t properly defined in the manga (yet), maybe....it stemmed from his grandfather’s seemingly “peaceful death” even though he wasn’t surrounded by ppl? (hahaha 😃🔫)

c) 3 puns :

↳ kanjo-sen : (環状戦[loop line/ transportation belt line]& 感情線 [emotion])

but the kanjo-sen used in the lyrics is "環状線", the sound might be a metaphor of it which means "loop line"

↳ so-zo: 創造 (creation)/ 想像 (imagination)

↳ warau: 嗤う ([to be] ridicule(d)/ laugh at) /  笑う (laugh)

d) double meaning phrases

1)五常 (gojo) = i’ll quote the wiki definition ⇾ confucianism or ruism, which is "the 5 moralities/ virtues (benevolence [仁 jin], justice & truth [義 gi], courtesy [礼 rei] , wisdom [智 chi], and trust/ faith [信 shin])” of what the mankind should keep," taught by confucius who is one of the philosophers of china.

"五常" also relates to buddhism : it’s the 5 precepts/ commandments ⇾ not to kill, not to steal, not to engage in sexual misconduct (the earliest scripts only said abt adultery), not to lie (including gossip), not to consume intoxicants (actually this one is still up for debate, whether u can drink or sth else but not till u lose ur inhibitions bc u have to keep ur mind clear and all or just completely abstain from it)

2)解く (toku) ⇾ a verb which means solve/ liberate (break free)/ disentangle

↳usually, in jpnese, ppl use "説く (teach with speech)" as a verb rather than "解く" for thoughts including "五常." the kanji must have been changed intentionally

↳ hence : rescue/ free gojo

btw, in this song there’s 3 variation of kanjis for the word loop/ circle, which might be the theme all along = 廻, 環, 数珠. and the lines incorporated in the song seem to be written to make them matched for the story continues + the song itself is a perfect loop if u take the beginning and ending of the mv where yuuji woke up from his sleep and fell asleep at the end

extra = if u noticed this sentence : どんな顔すればいいか わかってる

(don-na kaosureba iika, wakatteru) = how to express my feeling on my face is that, i know/ understand

だけど まだ応えてくれよ(dakedo mada, kotaete kureyo) = but answer me for a while longer

change into this :

どんな顔すればいいか わかんないよ (donna kao sureba iika wakan-naiyo) = how to express my feeling on my face? i don’t know/ understand

今はただ応えてくれよ(imawa tada kotaete kureyo) = but just answer me for now

→ I don't know how I should express my feeling, but answer me just now.

the transition of hope to despair/ hopeless?

and "凪いで" (naide) might just rhyming with "投げ出さないで" (nagedasanaide.)

i was genuinely surprised that those anime songs (op-ed) lyric channel translated this 1-3 weeks after when usually they get others out within 3-5 days, but when i see the kanjis.....understandable 😁 (bc if u give me this without any romaji i’ll probably just try until eventually i give up)

PSA AGAIN : i’m not gonna say this is the “right” translation bc i still have a long way to go with the language and this “translation” came from someone who learned jpnese just bc i got tired of switching back and forth between google translate and fanart/ fics, i have no idea what it said and it just looked interesting 😭 - 🐱

i forgot to give the links 🧍

the jpnese websites : a, b, c

eng : a

and the others are from utube just search “kaikai kitan lyrics” - 🐱

ok after you sent me this last night i totally didn’t cry myself to sleep listening to the song

what is the POINT in alluding to the suffering of the shibuya arc when anime only watchers are not going to have any idea of pain that awaits them i....they’re sadists....😭😁😭

[aizawap]

Sincerely Not (8):

- sorry to ppl on the dash, idk how to make a ‘read more’ post -

I swear I literally say the same thing every time- but I am SOOoo SO amazed by how well written and how well thought out this chapter was!! From the airplane landing to the end- I’m SHOOK.

I hardly get heavily emo over things tbh but the pain mc was going through by having to deal with sera and gojo in her face as well as the whole argument and ring throw was so frickin intense- my heart literally hurt so bad for her, my eyes teared up :(( I really love the way u wrote gojo’s besties and am glad MC got the support from shoko and suguru which she deserves and needs. Though it was painful having the cheaters round the corner- I’m sure being able to spend time with people who are aware of the circumstances and her pain was a little relieving. (also TOJI INSTA COMMENT HEHE- ILY).

I’m again so proud of MC!! and am hugging her as tight as I can for being so strong and for not letting gojo walk all over her, and in a non petty way, so happy she shrugged him off when he wanted affection, tbh!! Her finally getting it all out and sticking up for herself even though she struggles with confrontation is admirable. And even going as far to conquering her own fear in order to get away? I’m applauding her for real.

Following that, gojo ignoring that phobia for his own selfishness pissed me off too, even tho I’m guessing his pov came from some sort of sweetness?? (like ‘aw boo, i’m here ! so u don’t need to be scared’) still.... HELLO?!? the shit he said and pulled all through out that trip- afterwards, especially .. I have no words!! but also have plenty!! yes, I do have some form of sympathy towards him and am conflicted (as he is too) as to what to think when we witness him being a little softer and thinking about MC even when he’s with sera… but, lord. He really is an ass. And cannot believe the audacity he and his lil mistress have. Both their words cut deep.

Thank you to Suguru for knocking him off his high horse and bringing his stupid ass back down to Earth cause he needed thst fucking wake up call. though he in no way deserves to see her anytime soon, I hope he feels fucking guilty when he does. He deserved that blow that mc hit him with- she’s dealt with his hurtful words since day 1 and though it sucks that it stuck with her- I’m glad she brought it up and let his stupid ass know how traumatic it was for her. So ready for her redemption and boss arc!

Ai!! idk if youll read this but- thank you so much again for your beautiful writing and this chapter!!! Idk how, but you literally make me feel so many emotions in every chapter, I literally look forward to it every week! you never ever everrrrrrr disappoint! I hope you’re looking after yourself, and tho you deserve the attention- I hope you arent too overwhelmed with all the comments and everything! Take all the time you need to reply and update! Pls don’t feel obligated! sending u alllllll my love, and a hearty punch to gojo’s face <333

sincerely not. (8)

↳ gojou satoru/reader

with an arranged marriage set in place, the sacred bond is doomed with a wife who wants to make the relationship work and a husband who’s ready to ruin it all. unknown to him, a tragic fate already lies within the pages of your romance book.

genre. heavy angst, unrequited love, arranged marriage, modern au, 18+

tags/warnings. profanity, adultery, neglect, mentions of phobias, mentions of pregnancy, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, explicit smut, some heartaches

notes. 12.8k words. please proceed with proper caution! thanks so much bby risa for beta-ing @rinstars bae you’re my savior &&& @kazbrkker my love, ur reactions in the rough draft were fun to read tysm hhhh anyways enjoy everyone !! :D

series masterlist -> part nine

Flying to French Polynesia was a disaster.

You knew it even before you actually arrived at Bora Bora while flying through Gojou’s private jet and spending the worst twelve hours of your life imprisoned in an aircraft 35,000 feet from the ground. It wasn’t the jet lag nor the turbulence that made you wish that you didn’t go, it was the two specific passengers inside the plane that caused your silence for the last seven hours since you left Tokyo.

Sera was clearly not informed of your participation in their special getaway because her wide, gaping eyes stared at you questioningly as soon as she saw you coming out of the McLaren before climbing up the jet. In spite of her initial reaction, she was fast to veil her displeasure by sending you a welcoming smile. A smile that feigned innocence lasting for five seconds before she walked past you along the aisle, hand in hand with the husband that placed his wife in the same enclosed space as his mistress.

Satoru has noticed the shift in your emotions for the past week where he wouldn’t stop checking if you were alright and if something was plaguing your mind. He came home from work earlier than he usually did to make sure that you had dinner together, but most of those nights had passed in silence with neither of you having the backbone to address the elephant in the room. No, there was no elephant to blame for your marital quagmire. Just a broken wife trying to study the behavioral patterns of her husband for being affectionate and loving once, then detached and distracted the next. You could not tell him that you’ve seen him tracking Sera’s cycle on his phone but you doubted that he would care enough that it shattered your heart to pieces thinking about how actively intimate they have been behind your back. It was already unbearable to see her intimate photos on his phone, but to also see how your husband has been monitoring her ovulation was just the absolute zenith of your agony.

Gojou had no idea how much he would completely annihilate your heart and soul if he truly ended up getting his mistress pregnant. Whether that was his intention or not, you could no longer find an excuse to stay with him if it happened.

Why has your marriage turned into shambles in less than a year? What did you do to deserve this mess of a relationship when you have always been genuine from the very beginning?

Despite life’s vicissitudes, you chose to see color in your achromatic world. It was your only way of keeping your positivity because you would rather be a sunshine than a storm. Satoru would have it coming one day, but today just wasn’t it.

You were becoming blasé to his brazen display of infidelity to the point that you were simply letting him do what he wanted without so much of a complaint. It wasn’t a free pass to step on your dignity, rather, a reason to pile up all the dirt that you have received like how a lawyer would gather evidence prior to actioning a case. You weren’t a lawyer for sure, but you could use the same tactic before reacting unreasonably. You had to hold onto your last string of pride in order not to become more pathetic than you already appeared to be.

It was better to pretend that everything was fine instead of showing your weakness in front of him. It was better to avoid his line of sight, choosing to join his best friends in playing a game of cards while you did your sketches, than be the third wheel in an unlawful relationship that made you the villain.

There was unease in Ieiri’s eyes as she laid down her card, pressing her boysenberry lips together when she glanced at the couple from the farther side of the plane. You couldn’t make out what she was seeing because you were facing her in a seating arrangement that had your back turned against your husband. Getou, who was sitting next to you, could sense the tension when he peeked at what was behind for a split second.

Why, you could ask yourself, did you even come? The question should be: why not? Even if he didn’t admit it, Satoru clearly wanted to make use of you by asking you to join the trip so that no one would suspect him of his true nature as an adulterous 25 year-old man. In return, you wanted to make use of this trip as an ultimatum for your consistency as the perpetually sympathetic wife. This trip would be the deciding factor for you to open your eyes to the downfall of your marriage.

You’ve become a time bomb—ready to detonate everything else around you with one wrong move.

You didn’t really believe your husband’s words when he said that he wanted to enjoy Bora Bora with you because only a person with thick skin could try to cajole his wife to his advantage. None of this trip was planned for you, but for Sera. Even if he said otherwise.

“Man, I don’t feel too good about this trip,” said Suguru, arranging the deck of cards to play another round of poker with Shoko. You tried to focus on drawing the details of the dress that you were designing until he spoke again. “Feel like something bad’s gonna happen.”

A pensive sigh then escaped your lips as you momentarily looked at the window to see the fuliginous skies. If Getou could sense an omen of things to come, you tried to lift up the mood by offering a smile. “You guys say this is a yearly trip?” you began, putting down your iPad and stylus pen. “How did it all start?”

Ieiri took the chance to answer. “Like maybe four years ago? It’s pretty funny ‘cause it was a last minute thing. We were at a cafe and Gojou was joking about flying to Bora Bora right after he saw the advertisement on a pamphlet,” she reminisced the memory with glee in her eyes, “then Suguru dared him to take us there and he really did! We didn’t even get to pack anything—he made us ride the PJ on the same day with nothing but our passports.”

“I remember that day. He’s a bit of a show off, isn’t he?” Getou grinned at you and Ieiri.

You tell me. It seemed that Satoru could always make things happen if he wanted to. “The first time sounds really fun and spontaneous,” you claimed, drinking from the glass of wine on your table. “Satoru spoils the people that he loves.”

With that being said, he loved his best friends as much as he loved Sera. They were the only ones he would willingly spend a fortune to just to guarantee their happiness. Unfortunately, the man didn’t include you in his personal guest list of the people that he genuinely loved. Regardless of the fact that you were his wife, you were already aware that he would never willingly spend time with you. Iceland was out of the question because that whole honeymoon trip was simply obligatory for him.

“Aww. Well, I know he’ll spoil you.” Shoko's statement was laced with an iota of pity. “Satoru’s just… if you give him some time.”

You have given enough, but there was a limit to everything. You could offer your whole universe and there still wouldn’t be a remedy to your failed marriage. How pathetic. For a moment, your eyes dropped down to the gold band around your finger and remembered that Satoru strangely wore his ring when you left the penthouse. What act was he trying to pull this time?

And within the next twenty minutes that passed, you happened to have seen your husband when you went out of the lavatory for a quick bathroom break. He was in a detached recliner seat, draped in a blanket with his arms tightly wrapped around Sera as they slept soundly through the flight. The sight brought a lingering sting to your heart and made you stagnant for a moment as you walked slowly past the aisle. You tried to ignore the gnawing ache that burned your chest until Satoru opened his eyes to see you the first thing.

“Y/N.” His call forced you to halt from your footsteps. Sera shifted from his embrace, eyes still shut as she snuggled on the crook of his neck. Satoru had a minute of panic that bathed in his eyes when he realized that your name unknowingly flew out of his mouth and now he was pretending that he actually forgot what he called you for. “Where are you sitting?”

You kept a stolid mien for your own sake. “With your friends.” Because my own husband chose to neglect his wife for his mistress.

Why did it even matter to him? Did he want you to sit with him and Sera so you could watch how caring and affectionate he was to her? Did he want you to juxtapose yourself from previously being on the receiving end of his skinship and now on the far side of it?

Before you knew it, your feet already carried you away while his eyes followed your trail as you continued walking, making a desperate attempt to avoid him by going back to where Shoko and Suguru were. The two friends had visible empathy in their faces when they looked at you knowing that you saw your husband and his mistress entangled on each other.

But for your sanity, you didn’t succumb to your weak feelings. “I’m back,” you put on your mask of cheerfulness.

Ieiri moved from her seat to give you space and it was too obvious not to notice how she was admiring your ability to remain strong in a situation where you should be broken. “Y/N, can I see your new designs? Mai would have geeked over them.”

“I was actually designing a new one for her and Maki,” you shared, grabbing your iPad and browsing through your collection. “I’m planning to have the dresses made when we get back to Japan then I’ll ask Toji to give it—” Shoot.

The last thing you should have done was to mention the man.

“Toji? As in Toji Zen’in?” Getou’s narrow eyes became surprisingly round. “You’re close with him?”

You let out an awkward laugh. “Kinda, but not really. He knows Gen pretty well, though.”

Suguru smirked in good humor. “Damn. Satoru’s not gonna be happy.”

Ieiri countered the guy’s words by voicing her own thoughts. “He’s literally playing house with Sera. Who cares if he isn’t happy?” You were surprised when she suddenly pulled both of your hands on top of the table and squeezed it with comfort. “Tell me honestly, how do you feel about this whole cheating thing?”

You held your breath. It was hard for you to open up because your marriage was a private affair, something that you wished for no one else to pry into. If only Shoko’s eyes weren’t filled with genuine concern, you wouldn’t have given her an honest answer. “I’m not happy with it,” you said, following the slow rise and fall of your chest. “I’m just letting this happen because I have hopes that it’ll end someday.”

Getou looked down as if he was burdened with shame. “He really doesn’t deserve you, huh…”

“Y/N.” Ieiri leaned closer to gaze straight into your orbs. “End their affair after this trip. Don’t let it drag for too long. Satoru’s my friend but you should claim your right as his wife and fight for him.”

You opened your mouth to say something because you highly appreciated her encouragement for you to uphold your position as the lawful wife, but then no words have left your lips after you remembered why everything ended up this way in the first place.

Because of this arranged marriage, Satoru had to marry another woman instead of the one that he loved. He wasn’t willing to let her go nor was she ready to free him from her grasp. This was all your fault, he said. Pay the repercussions, he said. You’re already blessed with everything you can ask for, she said.

What else was left for your self-worth?

With it being your first time in Bora Bora, it was expected for you to be in complete awe when you arrived at the destination. You couldn’t express much of your appreciation towards the beautiful islets due to the situation relating to your husband and his mistress, but your eyes still wandered around the place to admire God’s craft in creating such a paradise on Earth. Being here alone was already a testament to how many gorgeous places were yet to be explored.

“Wow,” you gasped with great admiration, turning your head from left to right as you took slow strides on the elevated walkway. For what Bora Bora was renowned for, there were bungalows perched over the crystal waters on stilts—a peaceful haven with floating thatched-roof villas above the clear sea in varying hues of blue, perfect for couples in a romantic honeymoon to enjoy their first stages of marriage.

The ocean breeze greeted your nose with freshness, tempting you to jump on the waters to bask under the sun. But then you remembered who you were with on this trip after getting momentarily lost and distracted from the luxurious oasis through the summer heat. As you turned around, you saw Gojou intertwining his hand with Sera’s as they smiled at each other while gushing about how much they missed the place. You could see how his eyes coruscated with love at the sight of her radiant face as though she was the only one who could make him as happy as he was now.

Satoru’s affections were only evanescent when it came to you. Sera was and would always be the recipient of his permanent love.

You had to force yourself to look away knowing that it would only add more wounds to your heart—grateful that Shoko looped her arm around yours with Suguru standing on your other side. “You guys,” you swallowed your weakness back in by plastering a smile, “this island is stunning.”

“Right?” Ieiri adjusted her sun hat and nudged you on the rib. “Should we go scuba diving?”

“Jet skiing is better.” You weren’t expecting Satoru to chime in as he and Sera stopped in front of you like a newlywed couple who couldn’t get enough of each other. And while he was holding another woman’s hand, his vivid cerulean eyes lingered on you as he spoke again. “Ever tried it before?”

You didn’t answer him. You refused to. Instead, you looked at Suguru and pointed towards the parasail from a distance. “Look, it’s what you and Shoko were talking about on the plane.”

The tension was real when you ignored your husband but Ieiri and Getou saved the awkward air by entertaining you, although you certainly didn’t miss the glances that they traded with the white-haired man. It was Satoru’s best man who put a friendly arm around your shoulder and continued the walk with you. “You should try parasailing with us,” Getou encouraged, orbs hidden from the crescents of his eyes.

You would love to join them but the thought of ending up submerged underwater in the vastness of the ocean was too terrifying. “I don’t think I can—”

“Mr. and Mrs. Gojou? Welcome to the InterContinental.”

Instinctively, you turned around to face the owner of the voice only to see the man—who looked like the owner of the luxury hotel—was talking to Satoru and Sera as the apparent married couple. You tried to suppress the bitter scoff that almost passed through your lips because it surely sent tiny pricks to your chest to see Sera being mistaken as the wife.

However, instead of correcting the man, Sera got the confidence to tighten her hold on your husband’s arm so she could lean her head against him. “It’s nice to be back.”

“Well, I’d congratulate Mr. Gojou for marrying such a gorgeous wife,” the man complimented her, which earned you glances from Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko. All except for Sera who beamed from the flattering remarks that should have been for you. “We’ve prepared the largest villa and the rooms are all ready as well. Please enjoy your stay. If you need anything, our staff will be more than happy to help.”

This was a painful slap to your face and you didn’t want to stay another second enduring it all. You haven’t even spent an hour in Bora Bora and you were already emotionally battered from everything that you’ve had to stomach thus far. You could only imagine how bad things would be for the next two days and this might end up leaving a huge scar on you, even worse than the Iceland trip which was the pinnacle of Satoru’s journey to putting you in your place.

You were already storming out before any of them made a move because you wanted nothing else but to lock yourself in a room and stay away from Gojou for the next few hours. You ignored Ieiri’s calls when you rushed inside the villa, claiming one of the four bedrooms and placing your duffel on the bed before you sat on the edge of it with a frustrated sigh. It was truly insulting to see your own husband not denying when another woman was mistaken as his wife, but what did you expect, really? He dreamed of having Sera as his wife for God knows how long. You already fooled yourself that one morning thinking that your recent lovemaking was a sign of progress to your relationship, that his drunken admissions and childhood reminiscences were improving your marriage—you hated that you fell for it when here he was now allowing Sera to take your spot as his wife.

There was no need to sugarcoat this. You were simply a placeholder for his true love.

You get it. This trip was all about her and you were just expected to be in the background all throughout. In that case, why did Satoru follow you inside your room? Why did he leave his stuff in your bed, crouching down to look at your face with worry-filled eyes?

Did he want to share a room with you because it was an obligation? Well, no one was watching for him to still keep up with his stupid act.

“You know I had no choice,” he tried to explain, placing his hands atop yours, “She was looking forward to the trip and I couldn’t tell her that it’s not right for her to come anymore.”

You gulped and pushed his hand away without sparing him a glance. “Why are you explaining things to me? Didn’t you wanna spend time with her, anyway?”

His bullshit was tiring. You knew for a fact that he could care less if Sera came because he would rather spend his sweet time with her, always have always would. Unlike your honeymoon in Iceland where he was lackadaisical for ninety percent of the trip, he was actually more enthusiastic about this one because his romantic adventures were always better with Sera. He didn’t need to say it for you to put the puzzle pieces together.

Satoru fixed his composure, sliding his dark sunglasses out of his face as he tried to appear impassive. “Because I don’t want you to get the wrong idea,” he asserted, arms caged on either side of your thighs, “and you’ve been so cold to me for the past week for no reason. What’s your problem?”

The audacity of this man. He would tell you not to get the wrong idea for ‘unintentionally inviting his mistress’ but would also shamelessly treat her like a queen.

With this in mind, you erupted into a soft but spiteful laugh. “Does that even matter? You can do what you want. I’ll stay out of your way since I know my boundaries. I’m just here to save your image.”

“Y/N—”

Remembering the words he said during your time in Iceland, you returned it back. “Let me rest.” You pushed his arm away, climbing into your bed and turning your back on him. “I need some sleep.”

You already had your eyes closed when you heard his exasperated huff and you were left with a hollow heart when he slammed the door shut as if it was heavily frustrating for him that you were becoming detached and defiant. Satoru seemed to have always hated it when you rejected his presence because he had grown accustomed to you being his patient wife who showered him with affection despite his bare minimum treatment. The sweet and caring wife that would wake up at six-thirty in the morning every day just to prepare his breakfast and business attire. The wife that would leave post-it notes on the fridge with the words: Eat some fruit, drink water, and start your day with a smile :)

Yes. You wouldn’t deny how stupid you were for trying to make your marriage work. Because every time you believe that you’ve already built a strong wall against Satoru, he will always find a way to destroy it. And you would always find a way to let him in, forgiving him with his never-ending games.

You knew that you would always be standing by his side when he needed you, but since he didn’t seem to require much of your presence with Sera around, you might as well learn to distance yourself for now.

By ‘distancing yourself’, you meant sleeping for the next four hours to recover from your lassitude and jet lag. You figured that it was better to shut yourself out instead of summoning your masochistic side when the pain was so deadly you might as well be buried six feet under. No one bothered you during your slumber because the villa was silent when you woke up again. The room needed more lighting as the sun was finally closing down by the time you opened your eyes. It was eventide, you realized.

When you regained the strength and motivation to get up from bed, you could tell that Ieiri and Getou might have toured around with Sera and Gojou while you were fast asleep in your room. They had fun on their own while you chose to be alone and only now did you have the chance to take a leisurely meander through the extensive walkway that connected all the overwater bungalows which were what Bora Bora was famous for.

The cool wind rippled the surface of the sea, creating waves and soothing sounds that enabled your mind to relax as you found your spot on one corner, overlooking the horizon of twilight skies in blue and gold where the clouds began to glow with colors at nautical dusk. You marveled at the spectacular mixture of colors, the wind that blew your hair back, and the soft sound of the crashing waves that made a painting come to life.

You had to appreciate Earth’s beauty and how grateful you were to be in a privileged position that gave you the chance to see such astounding views that you wouldn’t see on a typical day.

Perhaps, in an alternate universe, your husband had his arms wrapped around your waist as you two watched the sunset on this romantic hour. Maybe you were happy in that universe, having your spouse whisperering I love you’s in your ear, telling you that you were the only woman in his eyes and that he was happy to have married you.

“It must be tough chasing after a man who doesn’t love you.”

The serenity that you’ve found from the susurration of the sea was cut short as you turned around to see the Camilla of your Charles. Eyes as brown as the color of her hair, lips limned with a mulberry tint like the color that stained your husband’s neck. The upward tug of her lips was her attempt to show the lack of malice in her words.

“I can’t believe you’re torturing yourself for coming with us. But honestly, I respect and admire your resilience,” she added, clutching the diamond pendant on her necklace as she stood next to you. “I can understand you have all the time in the world to try and chase after his love since you have nothing going on for you. You’re not busy like the rest of us. All you do is sit at home like a princess and wait for him while he’s in his office spending most of his day with me.”

You wondered how Sera could look so sincere and innocent while throwing knives for sentences in between. It was plain obvious that she was still absurdly angry at you for sleeping with Satoru after she came to the penthouse that morning and your recent appearance in the office seemed to have fueled more of her vexation. But because you weren’t ill-bred, you didn’t lunge on her and ripped her throat out for saying all those mean things. Your best choice was to retaliate with your own words.

“Not as tough as constantly hiding your relationship because you don’t wanna be labeled as the mistress when that’s really what you are,” you told her, and there was shock that lingered in her eyes until you continued with a smile. “In everyone’s eyes, no one cares about who’s the first love. People care about who’s the one that they married.”

Sera’s smile was nonetheless to veil her growing ire. “Don’t get carried away. Your marriage is loveless. I don’t want you to keep hurting yourself when you know he feels miserable with you.”

When Ieiri told you to end their affair and stake your claim as the rightful wife, you already imagined that a confrontation with Sera could finally do the job. You thought that you could stand on your ground and hold your chin up high because that was how it was supposed to be, and yet with her simple utterance of the fact that Gojou was miserable with you, you lost all of your will to fight for him.

You couldn’t fight for someone who never wanted to be with you in the first place.

“I really like you as a person, Y/N.” She released a sigh, averting her eyes to gaze at the sun disappearing below the horizon. “You’re kind and soft-spoken. It’s your status and selfishness that I don’t like.”

With a still breath, you spoke through gritted teeth. “Selfish?” A humorless laugh followed. It was unbelievable how you were seen as ‘selfish’ when you’ve been willingly allowing her to sneak around with your husband after she literally begged for it.

“You get everything you want ‘cause you’ve been spoiled that way,” she pointed out. “Meanwhile, I have to work hard to get to where I am. I have to endure rude bosses, render overtime even on holidays, and strictly calculate my savings and budget for my family. You don’t understand how hard life is for people like us. Satoru is the only blessing I’ve received in life, so I’ll never let him go.”

You didn’t know what to say in this situation because you couldn’t exactly comment about her hardships in life. Even if you tried to defend yourself and tell her that problems in life came in different forms, you knew that she would still make it all about her. Everything was about her struggles and hardships, never about your agony and suffering.

However, the conversation did lead you to trespass a topic that had been bugging you to no end. “You say you’ll never let him go. Does that mean you’re still waiting around for him even when he’s married?” you questioned in utter disbelief. “You don’t care if you end up pregnant someday when he’s legally bound to his wife?”

Instead of answering you directly, she countered you with a question. “Are you scared that I’d get pregnant before you did?”

Your heart raced. Anger? Hurt? You couldn’t tell which one weighed more. “So you two really aren’t doing it safe, huh,” you assumed, taking a deep breath before you could explode.

A pitiful look appeared on her small, delicate face. “Just know that if I ended up having his kid…” she paused before she shifted on her feet to take her leave, “…I’d end up having him, too.”

Gojou knew he could be insensitive sometimes—or most times—but he was being true when he said that he wasn’t intentionally doing it. He was all over Sera since the trip began because that was how things were before you came to the picture. Him, Sera, and his friends on a getaway. He held her hand, kissed her, and spent time with her because they were boyfriend and girlfriend before he ever married you.

With all the aforementioned, it was quite odd that he was feeling incredibly guilty for simply doing what he usually did. It wasn’t like you even screamed at his face calling him a cheater for having Sera around. You were pretty lenient about them so he couldn’t understand why he was the one who was bothered by your lack of resistance to his actions. Satoru despised how you would ignore him because he was getting more and more confused by how he felt.

To boost his stupidity even more, he never should have allowed Sera to join in the first place. This trip should have been just you, him, and his best friends. If he was going to spend time with Sera, then he could have just taken her without dragging you along to avoid all the tension that was surrounding you now. Maybe Satoru could have had more guts to explain that to Sera even if she wouldn’t be too happy to hear it.

“Fuck this,” he muttered, loosening the knot on his robe as he walked outside to find some peace of mind on the villa’s elevated pool area.

Suguru joined him as the man sat on one of the sun loungers with a cigarette between his lips. “You two-timing fucker,” he bluntly quipped, seemingly finding humor in Satoru’s dilemma. “How does it feel to have your wife and mistress in the same house?”

Gojou looked up at the blanket of stars. “Sera’s not a mistress,” he corrected, then added, “and Y/N isn’t even saying anything.”

There was a knowing glint in Getou’s eyes. “Just because she isn’t saying anything doesn’t mean it’s all okay to her.”

“Man. What do you want me to do?” He wasn’t exactly snapping. It just frustrated him how he didn’t know how to handle the situation without hurting the other. “I do wanna spend more time with my wife but Sera expects me to be with her 24/7 because this is our only chance to freely be together.”

Suguru tossed the cigarette to the wooden floor and killed the ember by stomping his foot on it. “Listen to yourself,” he commanded. “Now Sera’s becoming an obligation for you and Y/N isn’t. You can’t have both.”

Did Gojou really sound that way? He couldn’t even clear out his statement because he got distracted when he saw you heading towards your room with a heavy frown on your face, determined to lock yourself again until Shoko blocked your way.

“Y/N, don’t tell me you’re gonna stay in bed again?” Ieiri’s voice was loud enough for the two gentlemen to hear. “Let’s chill outside for a while!”

Satoru could hear how his best friend snorted under his breath when he saw the look on Gojou’s face and just how tempted he was at trying to talk to his wife. Confusion clouded his head as he completely froze when Ieiri dragged you to the pool area and urged you to take your place near your husband.

“We went kayaking while you were sleeping. You should have been with us,” said Ieiri, now lighting her own cigarette as you stood at a reasonable distance from Gojou. He pulled you close by wrapping an arm around your waist but you were fast to stop his wrist before you moved to sit next to Suguru instead.

What the hell?

And throughout your subtle disregard for Satoru, Getou was only finding the situation even more humorous. “You have to join us tomorrow, Y/N,” the best friend insisted. “Can’t miss out on all the fun activities.”

“I prefer sightseeing, really,” you admitted, then revealing why you couldn’t exactly join. “I have Thalassophobia.”

Shoko seemed intrigued. “Wait, like fear of water?”

“You’re not afraid of water. You swim at our pool back home.” Satoru walked towards the mini bar to grab a bottle of Macallan, pouring himself a glass before leaning against the rattan table.

You dismissed their assumptions, although you were gearing towards speaking to Getou and Ieiri more than your husband. “No, it’s fear of what lurks beneath its surface. It’s the deep bodies of water that scares me the most, like… if my feet can’t touch the ground, I’d tremble. I have wild imaginations on what creatures could be under me.”

Ieiri tilted her head in curiosity. “That’s so interesting. I didn’t know people have that kind of phobia.”

“Nah, I think it’s common,” Suguru asserted while leaning on the cushion behind him. “There are so many types of phobias that we don’t even know. Someone could even invent Gojouphobia one day.”

The man of honorable mention simply shook his head. “Very funny.” Although he must admit, it was the first time he had seen you chuckling in a while and it brought some ease to his heart to see you smiling again.

For the whole conversation, Satoru just couldn’t seem to keep his eyes away from you. His blue orbs were glued on your face, watching the way you pressed your lips together or the way your eyelids fluttered with every blink. At one point, he had to clear his throat just to distract himself, “You weren’t that scared when you took a swim in the blue lagoon.”

Even if he was trying to converse with you, you were still adamant on not meeting his gaze. “Don’t bring up Iceland.”

It seemed that mentioning Iceland was a trigger for you and Satoru didn’t realize how upsetting the whole trip must have been that you were avoiding any reminiscence about your honeymoon. Had he been too mean to you back then? The marriage was fresh and Gojou was full of bitterness at the time—he must not have realized how harsh he treated you.

Because of the uncomfortable silence, Shoko took the chance to change the topic. “I swear to God, I almost lost my diamond earring when Suguru pushed me to the ocean—”

“Alright, Kim K. There’s people that are dying,” Getou mocked, only to receive a ball of tissue thrown to his face.

“Shut up!”

“Make me.”

“Are you flirting with me?”

Gojou sniggered at the two. “I think he is.”

And in the middle of their banter, Satoru had almost forgotten about Sera until she came out of the room in a similar robe like what he was wearing, joining the rest of you at the poolside on this starry evening. “Hey, guys.”

You didn’t even acknowledge her with a smile the way Shoko and Suguru did.

“Hey, Sera.” Ieiri shifted into an awkward stance and Gojou could read through her body language seeing how obvious it was that Sera made her uncomfortable. “Where’ve you been?”

“Just took a quick shower.” Sera didn’t hesitate in keeping Satoru enveloped within her arms, clinging onto his torso as if to claim him in front of everyone. There was no ounce of shame when she tiptoed to peck his lips and leaned her head against his toned chest. She did it before, she did it many times prior to this trip, but why did Gojou feel strangely hurt when he saw how you sunk back to your seat and looked away? “Satoru promised we’ll spend the night at the jacuzzi.”

You let out a humorless laugh, gazing at the floor. “That’s really romantic.”

The sarcasm that laced your voice made Satoru hold his breath. What was he supposed to say?

“It really is,” cooed Sera, snuggling closer to feel his warmth. Utter silence dominated amongst the soft sound of the splashing waves. The luminescent moon stared at all five of you with great interest because there was nothing more interesting than to see a dramatic scene unfolding between the husband, the wife, and the mistress. Since when did Gojou’s life turn into a movie?

“I’m exhausted, I’ll call it a night,” you announced, taking the initiative to get up and leave. Not once did you try to meet Satoru’s gaze. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

Your exit gained Suguru and Shoko’s “me too” and “me three” as they also made a haste move to leave the couple alone. It was only 9PM and Gojou was sure as hell that none of his two best friends would have decided to go to bed this early if it wasn’t for the guilt that would eat them if they stayed.

Confrontations were not in your repertoire but Satoru believed that it would have been better to receive your brutal words than to see you completely avoiding his existence like he was as invisible as air.

“Hey.” The knit on Sera’s brows recollected Satoru back to his reality—with her. She would never allow him to think of anyone else but her this time. “The night is ours.”

He didn’t want to break his promise and he tried his utmost best to give one hundred percent of his focus to the woman that he loved, especially now that he had the chance to be all alone with her. This was what he wanted and he had to remind himself of that. While he should’ve uninvited Sera, this was still the perfect chance to spend a romantic getaway with her at one of the most beautiful islands in the world. If the opportunity was there presenting itself, who was he to completely disregard it?

He wanted Sera, not you. He wanted all of her, not even a little bit of you. Satoru needed to wake up and refrain from allowing his mind to fly to the wife that he supposedly hated.

He should be having fun since it was relaxing to sit in a hot jacuzzi surrounded by vanilla-scented candles and rose petals. It was the perfect honeymoon for newlyweds, something that he could have done with you in Iceland instead of the bullshit he pulled back there that permanently left a scar on you.

Sighing, he leaned against the tub and waited for Sera to come back just as he received a notification from his phone. Without a second to spare, he grabbed the gadget that was placed at the edge of the tub and checked what the alert was about.

Day of Ovulation - High Chance of Pregnancy Today

But you just had yours a week ago, right? Gojou was well aware of your cycle because he would often check your phone to look at it. He didn’t even remember installing the app on his phone, so he had no single idea why it was even in there. Did he perhaps do it while he was drunk?

Somehow, his question was answered when he clicked on the notification and saw the label “Sera’s Cycle” written on top. The wideness of his eyes was solely because of his realization that this damn app might have been one of the reasons why you’ve been cold to him.

“Sorry it took me so long.” Sera cut him out of his trance when she returned, quickly apologizing for her momentary absence. “I was trying to look for a nice swimsuit but couldn’t pick one.”

Satoru chose not to beat around the bush when he faced her. “Did you put your period tracker on my phone?”

By watching her emotions intently, he was able to see the look of panic that bathed her eyes before she gathered an honest response. “Yeah, since you’ve been acting all weird about the condom thing last time so I put it on there,” she explained, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. “Why? Did she see and complain about it?”

Fuck. Gojou needed to calm himself down because his head was boiling just like the foam that bubbled in the jetted-tub. “No, she didn’t say anything but she’s mad at me about it.”

“So, what?” Sera’s irritation grew while she undid the knot on her robe, revealing her stark naked body in front of him without any scintilla of shyness in her bones. Oh. Satoru breathed deeply and eyed every curve that was of ample proportions. “Why does it matter so much to you if she’s mad?”

She was already climbing in the tub, crawling forward to straddle the man’s lap who now had his large hands on her buttocks. He tried to look at her eyes instead of her busty chest. “I just don’t like how she’s giving me the cold shoulder. What if… our fathers’ notice?”

Bullshit. Sera rolled her eyes because she could see the pretentious lies hidden in his words. “Remember what you said to me back in your car?” The woman pressed her bare chest against his toned ones, feathering kisses along his jaw until her breath fanned his thin but plump lips as they brushed. “You said she doesn’t have you.”

“Mhm.” Gojou kneaded her bum.

“So stick by it,” now those words held more persuasion as her chocolate orbs pierced through his diamond blues. “It’s not like you’re gonna stay with her after you get what you need.” Right. You were merely a tool for his ascendancy in the company. Sera was the one who put him back on the right track. “And isn’t it weird enough that you’ve been trying so hard but still couldn’t get her pregnant? Maybe she’s… you know.”

Satoru pulled away to read her expression. “She’s what?” His wife couldn’t be infertile. No. Maybe he wasn’t really just doing it right? Maybe you just need to do it more intimately?

His other woman leaned back and moved her hair to the side in a manner that seduced him of his deepest desires. The palms that gripped her ass were now tracing her curves, reaching to cup her breasts so he could massage the rounded mass. He attached his mouth onto her right nipple, flicking the bud with his tongue as she arched her back and released her dulcet moans.

“M-Maybe she’s n-not meant to have your baby,” she rasped, grabbing a fistful of white hair. “It’s been a while since we did this, Satoru.”

He hummed, closing his eyes and moving his mouth to suck her left tit. Despite Sera’s overflowing sultriness, Gojou’s carnal desires were no longer meeting her own. His ardor was no longer at the same level as hers. The emotional connection was no longer present and this was something that he had been afraid of for the longest time.

Afraid that when he started doing it with someone he married, he would lose the same passion for Sera.

If he was true to himself, she could not satiate his needs the same way you would. Sex was different, regardless of the labels, when it was with someone he shared vows with. With you, he could be intimate without worrying about the consequences of pregnancy because you were meant to have his child either way. With Sera, he had to hold back and use contraceptives because it would be a huge scandal if he knocked her up.

He didn’t realize that he stopped Sera’s hand from touching his clothed cock underwater, pulling her wrist before he made a move to get out of the jetted-tub. “Sera, I’m too exhausted,” he made an excuse, “let’s just go to bed.”

Satoru could imagine smoke coming out of her nose with how frustrated she was. “Just tell me. Am I not pretty enough for you?”

Grabbing her robe and stepping out of the tub, she sheathed herself with the cloth and let her glossy eyes afflict him with his guilt. After all, he could go weak on his knees for her.

“No, of course you are. I just don’t wanna do half-assed things with you.” Gojou was fast to embrace her, kissing her temple to desperately win her affection. “Sera, I love you and you’re the prettiest woman in my eyes.”

Her face was rigid and her eyes were lachrymose. “Then say it to her.”

Huh? He brushed a hand on her arm. “Sera—”

“Say it straight to her face how I’m the prettiest in your eyes and that you’ll only ever love me,” she spat, stomping away after adding, “If you don’t do it, you might as well forget about me.”

Gojou hated being given ultimatums because it was more so putting him on the spot to make decisions without much thought. Sera was well aware of how much he disliked being demanded to do things out of his will, but like the asshole he was, he couldn’t lose her. That was what his mind was telling him.

He was plagued with these deep thoughts even as he joined Sera later that night when they slept in the same bed. This morning, he took his stuff to your bedroom because it became an instinct for him to stay in the same room as you. However, it was Sera who pulled him away telling him how ridiculous he was for even thinking that he should bother staying with you when no one was watching.

The problem was, Satoru couldn’t sleep. At all.

Sera’s warm body held him with a tight embrace as she peacefully submitted to her slumber, but Gojou couldn’t get even a wink of sleep because he knew that he would end up waking up in the middle of the night with how bad his nightmares were getting. This has happened more than once where he couldn’t get himself to reach the stages of REM when he slept next to Sera or anyone else for that matter. Heck, a paradoxical sleep was even more far-fetched when he was alone.

Because of his reasons, he quietly got out of bed at 3AM, tucking Sera under the duvet before he left the room only to transfer to the one on the opposite side.

To you, where he twisted the doorknob as quietly as he could and saw you sleeping in a cute fetal position, allowing him to smoothly slip into bed and wrap his arms around you. You were not awake to feel his warmth, but he was certainly feeling the level of comfort that he needed to finally doze off knowing that you were at arms length away lest he needed your presence to soothe him from his unpleasant dreams.

Getou would have snorted at his face for the ‘two-timing fucker’ that he was, but Gojou couldn’t care less. He didn’t understand what it was like to be caught in such a position.

When you woke up to see Satoru sleeping next to you, you felt disgusted.

Only because you knew what he had done in the other room with his mistress. You knew that they were doing it without any regard for the wife that he met at the altar with vows that he couldn’t fulfill. Why exactly was he even bothering to sleep in the same bed with you? For show? For whatever act he was putting on? You were tired of it.

So instead of waking him up with small kisses on his cheek, you simply rushed out of bed and spent the next thirty-minutes eating breakfast with Suguru and Shoko. Just after exchanging a few conversations about the plans that they had for the day, they then prepared while you ended up having a relaxing time for yourself, basking under the sun as you lay down on one of the sun loungers by the pool in your beige bikini. The view offered a gorgeous landscape of the clear turquoise seas and you knew that you just had to snap a quick photo to post on Instagram.

The picture included half of your glistening body in a sun-lounger overlooking the waters of Bora Bora with the caption: “pov: you’re in a tropical paradise 🏖”. The post quickly garnered likes and comments, especially one from Gen telling you to have a good time and that she was so jealous.

Have a good time? You wished. None of these people lurking in your Instagram knew that you weren’t actually having a great time. Worst of all, they weren’t aware that this trip included your husband's mistress.

On the other hand, you were surprised to see Toji’s comment that it had you chuckling out loud. It was no more than a playful message with an airplane emoji that wrote, ‘✈️ off to paradise’. You didn’t even know that he was following your account until now so you had to click the follow button real quick while stalking his Instagram. There wasn’t anything much to see except some pictures of him and his son traveling around the world. It was clear how much time he had placed to bond with Megumi despite his demanding life as a CEO, making it one of the things that you admire about him—his dedication as a businessman and as a single father.

Your day was going good but it just had to be ruined when Gojou appeared on your side, taking a seat on the sun lounger adjacent to yours as he grabbed the bottle of sunscreen on your thigh. In an instant, you placed your phone down and looked at him. “Why are you here?”

“Why not?” His response was laced with insouciance. Your husband rubbed the lotion on his arms, protecting himself from the damage that the sun could leave on his fair skin.

“You should be with Sera,” you replied before removing your sunglasses, getting up to leave until he towered over you. At once, the man was unbuttoning his top and holding your wrist simultaneously. “What are you doing?”

A sigh left his lips. “Swimming with you,” he said, then tossing his shirt onto the seat. “Come on. You said you’re scared of the ocean so I’ll swim with you.”

“Satoru, you don’t一”

There was not even a chance for you to resist because the man already carried you in his arms as you flailed when he walked towards the edge of the platform, climbing down the stairs and submerging both of you under the cool waters of the Bora Bora seas. The anxiety that coursed through your entire body made you wrap your legs around his waist because you couldn’t think of anything else but to try and get yourself to the surface.

“Hey, hey. Relax,” he reassured, caging you around his arm and allowing you to put your arms around his neck. “The water’s clear. No sharks here.”

The water was deeper than you could reach for sure, but since your husband was six foot tall, he was able to walk around. “B-Bring me back to the villa.”

Your muffled pleas were ignored when he swam further into the ocean, now floating from beneath his feet all while pressing his lips into your ear. “Give me a kiss and I will.”

You couldn’t deny that the request gave you a rush of dopamine, forcing your stomach to do somersaults because when Satoru was being sweet and affectionate, it was normally easy for you to give in. However, you have already learned not to let him intoxicate you with meaningless affection.

“No,” you rejected his offer, glaring at his ocean eyes that were of the same hue as the skies and seas alike.

There was a haze of frustration in his eyes before he did it upon himself to lean in and encase your lips around his, moving to lock them in a soft but passionate kiss. The movements of his mouth were in harmony to yours despite your initial refusal to let him plant even the quickest peck. Truth was, his kisses lessened your anxiety because it distracted you from your fear towards the deep bodies of water.

The feeling of his tongue rolling against yours, battling of dominance just as you breathed through each other’s mouth could have been enough to suffice the week's worth of resentment that you had towards him.

In the end, Gojou knew how to soften your heart.

“Still don’t wanna kiss me now?” He pulled away with a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, but that cocky visage was immediately replaced by his troubled expression. “We need to talk.”

About what? You clung onto his shoulders and wrapped your legs tighter around him. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

He was your personal buoy in the vastness of the ocean and he knew that the dependency that you had for him now would soon reflect your relationship beyond the high seas. Satoru only wanted you to realize that you needed him just as much as he needed you. “My phone, I know you saw some things there,” he opened up, treading water to stay afloat. “It’s not what you think. Sera and I haven’t done it since一”

“Stop,” you interrupted before he could finish his sentence. There was pain in your voice, pain that you concealed with ersatz indifference. “I don’t wanna hear what you two are doing.”

He was insane for thinking that it was okay for him to talk about his sex life with his mistress. Sometimes you wondered if Satoru’s obliviousness when it came to hurting your feelings was actually intentional. He hated you after all. That, or he was plain stupid.

“I’m just saying,” he defended, pressing his lips on your shoulder. “If that’s what upsets you, then…”

“...Then maybe don’t give me mixed signals?” you said, chest vibrating against his. “Maybe don’t confuse me with your affection because we both know you’re just acting? Didn’t you say that I would never be her? That it’s not cheating when I never had your heart in the first place?”

Your husband was at a loss of words. And you? You moved out of his grip regardless of the fear that consumed you when you rapidly swam your way to the ladder, climbing back into the villa and wrapping yourself with a towel to leave the man who incessantly called for your name.

“Y/N!”

You came across Sera about halfway into the bungalow but ignored her presence by heading straight to Getou and Ieiri. The two had no idea about the cold exchange that you’ve just had with your husband一all they knew was that you were joining them for their itinerary of having lunch at Bloody Mary’s and going on a jet ski adventure throughout the afternoon.

“You ready?” Suguru asked when he saw you scrambling to put on a sundress on top of your bikini.

“Yeah,” you answered, glancing at Sera and Gojou who just reunited when he attempted to chase after you. He didn’t need to, not when his mistress was there to entertain him now. “Can it just be three of us?”

Your question must have sounded spiteful and Shoko clearly didn’t approve of how you were letting your husband have some private time with his lover, but based on your countenance, she supported your decision. “Sure, Y/N.” Ieiri turned to Gojou and Sera with a smile. “We’ll leave you guys for a while.”

Satoru couldn’t even enjoy this trip because all he did was to overthink about the shit that he was unknowingly doing to hurt you. It was too much for a person to absorb but he tried to lay down the issues in his head so he could figure it all out. For starters, you were opening up about your displease towards his actions more and more these days as if you were on the brink of falling apart. In contrast to that was Gojou feeling less and less angry with you for the things that he normally would find irritating. He used to antagonize you for being clingy, now he couldn’t last a day without any form of interaction with you. He used to forget everything around him when there was Sera, but now his eyes were constantly searching for you.

He thought that all the sharp words that he once sputtered towards you were left forgotten at the back of your mind, which was why he was in complete discombobulation when you were reciting every single hurtful word that he ever said to you. How did you even remember his words back in Iceland? It seemed as if everything, since the very beginning of your marriage, had remarkably etched into your soul and inflicted you with great sorrow.

For hours, he couldn’t do anything but to check his phone to get his mind out of his ennui and Sera was growing deeply annoyed that he wasn’t very keen for their supposed snorkeling activity because he refused to leave the villa.

It was funny how he should be thankful that you’ve given him some time alone with Sera but he still wasn’t pleased about it. What was going through his head? He needed some clarity.

When the sun was at least two hours shy of setting, Gojou headed to your room to find his charger as he scrolled through his phone. The first thing he did was to check the recent photos he had taken, sliding his thumb down to review all the other images that he was keeping in his album and realized that one particular photo was absent.

His bum fell at the edge of the mattress as he frantically searched all the other photo albums to find the only photo he had of you.

Sera’s appearance by the door could not even distract him from removing the crease between his eyebrows. “Satoru, are we not gonna—”

“Did you delete her photo?” he snapped, looking up to see her wide confused eyes. “First you installed that period tracker, now you deleted her photo.”

She was livid. His accusatory eyes brought a surge of ill feelings when she stepped in and denied his claims. “Why the hell would I delete her stupid photo?”

He huffed, feeling a fit of pique but choosing to let it go. “Forget it,” throwing his phone on the mattress, he collapsed against the cushion and stared at the ceiling. “What do you wanna do today?”

Wasn’t it too late to ask?

Somehow, while he was busy gazing up at the nipa palm leaves that decorated the roof of your bedroom, he heard a clutter of things falling onto the floor and he realized that it was your makeup bag that Sera had accidentally bumped on.

“What’s that?” he asked, propping himself with his elbows as she crouched down, blinking twice in the same second before erupting into a scoff.

“You say you had a hard time making a baby?” She stood straight with a mirthless smile, showing a blister of birth control pills in her hand that made Satoru sit up in confusion. “She’s taking pills.”

He snatched the blister pack that he almost crushed in his shaking hand as he clenched his jaws at the newfound information. There was nothing else to feel but fire. Fire of the worst kind, fire that would soon erupt into unforgiving flames that would burn you without an ounce of mercy.

“She really just wanted to ruin us, Satoru.”

You didn’t think that this day could be any better since it started awfully when your husband almost ruined it this morning. Fortunately, his two best friends were your saving grace that allowed you to enjoy the rest of the day even without his presence. You went on a decadent lunch at Bloody Mary’s, had a fun jet ski ride behind Ieiri, and also spent the afternoon heat sunbathing at the beach. The image did not leave your mind—the waves crashing onto the shore, snaking rivulets of water onto the pristine white sand, sun-bleached crystals burning the feet, the resplendent stretch of palm trees that gave the beach a tropical landscape.

Life was too beautiful to waste on a man who didn’t love you.

In the words of Ieiri, ‘either win him or lose him’. You were at a point where you could choose the latter because your kindness was nearing its limit. If he was choosing his mistress over you, notwithstanding the prior relations that they’ve had before your marriage, then it was futile to patiently wait for the day that they would end their tryst.

Because God knows Satoru would never let her go.

At least you were opening your eyes to the truth. At least you were seeing some light to the darkness that enshrouded you. Taking a stroll on the walkway, it was cathartic to finally be alone in this late afternoon as you left Ieiri and Getou who both went scuba diving. You were fine walking alone by yourself, simply appreciating all of Bora Bora before you leave for Japan tomorrow.

In the middle of your peaceful walk, however, the six foot tall man with the mess of ivory hair and vivid cerulean eyes came stomping down your path with a scowl on his pretty face. He was shooting daggers with the way he glared at you and you could strangely sense an impending doom when he stopped in his tracks—no scintilla of benevolence in his stance.

You tried to hide the confusion that befuddled your already mish-mash of a brain. “Satoru—”

“You’re so fucking desperate, are you?” His voice was rough and hostile, glaring at you as if he wanted to destroy you then and there. Before you could ask what he meant, he showed your birth control pills that he had already crumpled in his hand, rendering you speechless and static from where you stood. No, this can’t be… “What, you’re still gonna deny it?”

Guilt and tremor swallowed you. “I-I just couldn’t tell you at the right time.”

He was laughing, and it was a feral laugh that scared you even more. Minus the hands that were shaking in vexation, he was clearly seething inside. “You’re so fucking pathetic,” he spat out words laced with venom, “Did you plan to keep fooling me just so I’d have sex with you, huh? ‘Cause no one else would do it with you so you have to ruin me and Sera? You’re just so delusional, are you?”

Your hand flew to his face before you even realized what you did. The amalgam of pain, anger, and resentment was now being released from your bottle of emotions as you burst out crying after slapping his cheek. “H-How dare you! How fucking dare you say that to me!” You punched his chest with your fist as tears kept flooding your eyes, cascading down to your cheeks like waterfall. You could barely breathe from the tightness in your chest, you could barely see from the tears that blurred your vision. “Y-You don’t know what I have to endure just by staying with an asshole like you!”

“You deserve it,” he gritted, holding your wrist as you tried another failed attempt to swing your trembling fist on his chest. It was painful. Everything was painful. You knew he never regarded you as a real wife but to tell you that you deserved every bit of agony was beyond heartless. Merciless. But even in your sobbing state, he didn’t hold back, “Why’d you hide that you don’t want a baby, huh? You’re so scared that I’d stop fucking you?”

Unbelievable. Truly, painfully unbelievable. “You decided upon yourself that you wanted a baby without asking me!” Yelling at his face allowed you to release more tears from your lachrymose eyes. The searing ache that burned your skin was fatal to your heart, because at this point, your chest pains were only getting worse. “You want—you want a baby because it was your promise when you were six? Are you insane? You made vows with me on our wedding day and you already broke them! What m-makes you think I’d hold onto your meaningless childhood promises?”

While his nose flared with deep-seated rage, his eyes were now mirroring the pain in yours. You knew not to believe that he was hurt because Satoru Gojou was no more than a spineless soul. “Don’t say that I—”

“No, you don’t get to talk!” You pushed him despite the heavy flow of tears that gushed out of your eyes. Your chest heaved from the lack of oxygen as you weeped, but none of it stopped you from reaching your breaking point. Your husband could see it. He could see that you were about to explode in the most gut-wrenching sight possible. “Y-You… I hate you! You never t-try to see what it’s like for m-me! It’s always about you and Sera, always a-about your happiness and hers… What about me? When do I ever get to free myself from this pain? I’m so tired of having to keep it together for the sake of this marriage! Did you really wanna s-subject my child into the same pain that you were putting me through?” You took a momentary pause so you could allow yourself to breathe, flooded by the overwhelming amount of tears that you were releasing. “I don’t want my kid to grow up with a father that doesn’t value his own marriage! You’re so fucking selfish, you know? You’re so… It’s the first time I ever decided for myself, to not carry your child because I know that I won’t be able to stomach seeing my own flesh and bones growing up in the same household as you did!”

The minute of hesitation that went through Gojou’s mind was his slightest form of sympathy. He might have realized how you’ve been feeling all this time now that you were willingly spitting out words into his face, but for the most part, he didn’t say anything to defend himself. He only grabbed your arm, confusion contorting on his face because he wasn’t sure whether he should keep up with his anger or he should feel bad for hurting you.

Knowing Satoru, he would end up choosing the former. “I never wanted this marriage.”

Perhaps you have gone unhinged, but you were emitting tearful laughs while you sobbed. “You said I ruined it for you,” you began, “Don’t you think you ruined it for me, too? Don’t you think I wanted a happy marriage with a husband that loves me, cares for me, and treats me with respect? You disrespected me, took all of my firsts and made fun of me! You made me feel like a mistress in my own home! I wanted a marriage that would make me happy!”

“Then why did you marry me in the first place!” he growled, loud and vehement. “It’s your fault for thinking that this goddamn marriage could ever work because it never will!”

You knew those facts. You knew that the marriage was never bound to work when his eyes were already all set on someone else. When his decision was already made up before you came into the picture. But what you didn’t and could never agree on was how he was putting the blame solely on your shoulders. “Stop making it seem like I placed you at gunpoint to marry me, Satoru!” you pushed him off and got out of his strong hold. “It’s a good thing that I’m not in love with you. It’s easier for me to leave because I don’t love you enough to stay! Maybe this is why your mom left you, and you know what? I’m glad that she did—”

“What did you say?” Gojou, disquieted by his rage, took a step closer with his clenched jaws and balled fists.

You didn’t mean that. You didn’t mean those stupid words that came out of your mouth because you saw the shock and outrage that flashed before your husband’s widened eyes. The way he held his breath was a sign of how his blood blazed with fire at your decision to bring up his mother because of all the things that you could spitefully say, hurting him with his past was the last thing you wanted.

“S-Satoru, I’m sorry—” Your eyes grew horrified, utterly stunned by the words that you said. You tried to reach for his arm but he was fast to swat it away, “I-I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry.”

The next thing he did was what wrecked you the most because the man had no ounce of sympathy when he slid off his wedding ring and hurled it into the ocean.

“Satoru—!”

You couldn’t believe that he did that, but more importantly, you couldn’t accept how easy it was for him to throw your whole marriage away because you were never once accepted in his heart. In his life. In his soul.

“You wanna leave, then fucking leave. I don’t give a fuck anymore.” It was the last thing that your husband could say before he left you sobbing on your knees with a sore heart and tightened chest. You had to endure watching his figure fading slowly into view as you weeped and struggled to breathe, wanting to stop the pain that only heightened now that you were alone.

Alone was all you would ever be.

But seeing the ring on your finger, remembering how much you valued your marriage all while knowing that it didn’t mean anything much to your spouse, you didn’t think twice about jumping into the shallow waters of the sea. Your whole body quivered with the intensity of your fear but you continued swimming to the same direction of where he threw the ring because, for your sanity, you had to find it.

You had to do everything to search for it—even if your eyes could barely discern the view underwater, even if the squeezing pain in your heart left you no room to breathe—you were determined to look for his wedding ring in exchange for the torment that destroyed your soul.

Unfortunately, you weren’t as physically capable as the emotional martyr that you believed you were. Because in the midst of swimming deeply into the sea, you were losing air to breathe and you were going farther from the light above the surface. The water blocked out any other noise from up above and you were a minute close to fainting until your body was pulled back with desperate force.

No, it wasn’t your husband. It was Getou who dragged your body out of the water and carried you back into the surface while you gasped and cried your heart out. Ieiri was right there to embrace you in her arms as you buried your face into her chest, bawling and clutching your chest with your inability to breathe. “Th-The ring. P-Please,” your muffled sobs couldn’t be stopped, “It h-hurts.”

“Shh. It’s okay,” Ieiri’s voice broke for you, especially when your hand violently trembled because not even them could save you from the agony that drowned you inside. “Getou’s gonna find it, I promise.”

You couldn’t see the look on their faces because your eyes were falling heavily, but you could feel Suguru’s large hand soothing your back to ease your cries. “Y/N, I’ll search for it. It’s okay.”

I wanna die. You lost the will to carry on because you were at the apex of your pain—the summit of your agony that you could no longer proceed with life knowing that it was never bound to be better. I should just die.

Ironically, it was the last bit of memory that you could remember before the darkness temporarily shut you out from the universe’s never-ending cruelty.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

To say that he was frustrated was an understatement.

The level of anger that entered his entire body after he heard your hurtful words surpassed the twenty-five years worth of rancor that he had for his father.

Gojou wanted to hurt you, ruin you, do everything he can to spite you.

Who the fuck were you to say that he deserved to be abandoned by his mother?

It was his ill-feelings that led him back to Sera’s room, pushing her against the wall, and slamming his lips against hers for a harsh kiss. There was no passion, only roughness in his actions. Sera mistook his rage for eagerness because she allowed him to pull her hair and deepen the kiss, shoving his tongue inside her mouth that there was not enough breathing space for them both.

And at some point, he had her completely stripped off in bed. He had her in a position where her ass was up high and her face was down low. He wasn’t thinking right when he rammed his unprotected cock inside of her cunt, fucking her raw and earning her loudest mewls to cry out from his hard thrusts.

He held her hips close to his crotch as he jostled her body from the back, penetrating her core with low grunts leaving his lips while he spent the next few minutes remembering how you mentioned that you didn’t love him enough to stay and how you didn’t want him to be the father of your child.

Good for you, he laughed in his head because he was pissed. He was too clouded by wrath that he was treating Sera like a whore, rutting his hardened cock into her with forceful movements that made her knees shake.

“S-Satoru—!” Her whimpers were sensual albeit the lack of intimacy on his part. “J-Just like that!”

Fuck. Fuck, he wanted to break you. He thought of all the possible things he could do just to make you regret what you said. And if it was to have sex with Sera without any caution for a possible baby that could grow in her womb after this, he would do it.

Or at least, he was only consumed by spite when he did do it. He already released thick ropes of cum when he woke up to his senses and realized what he had done, immediately pulling himself out of Sera’s cunt to ejaculate the rest of his seed out of her.

What the hell was he thinking?!

Underneath him was a smiling and panting Sera who wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his lips softly. “I love you.”

He wasn’t in the right mind to respond, and it was a terrible time for Getou to slam his fist on the door, demanding his best friend to get out.

“Get the fuck outta there, Satoru!”

Sera was dumbfounded at the scene, especially when her boyfriend was scrambling to put his pants on before he rushed out of the room.

Suguru’s eyes were filled with disgust when Gojou walked out, only to be grabbed by his shirt as his best friend violently shook the tiniest trace of guilt that was left inside of him.

“How can you behave this way in front of your wife?!” Getou yelling at his face wasn’t new, what was new was the reason why he was screaming at him. “I only tolerated you because you asked for my help, not because I support all the shit that you’re doing! I didn’t wanna meddle into your business ‘cause it’s not my marriage, but I can’t stand this anymore.”

Satoru raked his fingers through his white hair in frustration. “I’m in a tough spot!”

Getou was certainly not buying his excuses anymore. “You’re becoming like the person you hate the most,” he claimed, and Gojou was shaking his head in absolute denial. “Just leave her if you can’t love her. She deserves better.”

His wife. What did Satoru just do to his wife back there?

“Wh-Where’s she—where’s Y/N?” He was becoming frantic as he remembered how much you cried after he left. Only now did his conscience tug at him regretfully.

“She passed out from crying.” Suguru let out a sigh of exasperation. “Ieiri doesn’t want you anywhere near Y/N.”

“But—”

“Don’t push it,” his best friend couldn’t even look him in the eye. “You already lost her.”

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