#i love any kind of brother au w these two ESPECIALLY when it’s messy and angsty

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

@catchuuu

Itafushi The Last of Us AU

[bookstantrash]

A/N: I am so very sorry for not updating for so long. I know I said I’d try to update more frequently while I was on uni break but life happened lmao. Classes are back, but I’ll try not left y’all hanging for so long.

You can check here Pemberley’s Lake, Hooked on You, Smells like petrichor and paper, The Sound of Music and A Midsummer Night’s Dream, part one, two, three, four and five of my Nessian Pride and Prejudice AU.

That being said, I hope y’all enjoy this chapter! We got a little bit of fluff, sprinkles of angst and a lovely plot twist ✨

Bloody Day and Ominous letters

Nesta woke up with the worst headache she had ever had in her entire life. She really should not have drunk as much as she had last night but as she saw her friends and Morrigan having fun that little voice inside her head — usually her mother’s or grandmother's saying Do better, Stop being such a disappointment or Your only purpose is to marry well so forget about love — got louder and louder, judging her company and trying to make her feel ashamed.

But she had had enough. Her grandmother and mother had both passed away already. It was time to bury them for good. So Nesta took the wine bottle from Morrigan and drank half of it in one go, her friends cheering around her. And she had so much fun. Nesta would never have guessed that drinking could be so enjoyable, nothing like those uptight parties where the ladies sipped a lonely glass all night long while the gentleman lost count of theirs. The only downside was her killing headache and the fact that she had overslept, a fact she took notice of once she glanced at the wall clock.

She had just sat up on her bed —  massaging her temple to ease the tension on her head — when an insistent knocking on her door made her mumble a curse. No doubt it was either Emerie or Gwyn — maybe both of them — waking her up. Those two were quite used to drinking, so it was no surprise to Nesta that they would be up and about very early.

“Would you two stop it?” she said loudly, opening the door wearing only her chemise, probably having ditched her dress during the night while she slept “I have a killer headache and your banging is not helping at all—”

She stopped mid sentence when she came face to face with Georgianam, the young lady’s hand still raised to knock on her door, Cassian right behind her.

“Oh, I apologise Lady Nesta” Georgiana said “We had agreed that we would go on a nice early morning walk today, but when I did not spot Miss Archeron at the breakfast table I got worried.”

“Please do forgive me, Miss Georgiana. I had a bit too much to drink yesterday and ended up oversleeping.” Nesta quickly said, mentally kicking herself for her rudeness “I will be ready for our walk in a minute.”

“Lovely! I will be waiting at the parlor then!”

Nesta closed the door with a sigh. Her morning had not begun the best.

However, it was only while she was brushing her hair that her sleep fogged mind caught up to the fact that Cassian had seen her half asleep wearing nothing but her chemise and with early morning messy bed hair.

She definitely could not be allowed to drink more than two glasses of alcohol if that was how she was going to behave whenever she drank more than deemed proper.

When she arrived at the parlor ten minutes later, she could not help but avoid looking at Cassian.

“Mrs. Potts brought you a little something to eat” Georgiana informed, pouring Nesta tea “And also some headache medicine”

“Please thank her in my instead later, she is too kind to me”

“Oh, it was all my brother’s doing” Georgiana smiled in Cassian's direction, serving herself some cookies “He was the one who asked her to provide not only the medicine but also the food.”

“I appreciate the gesture, my lord.” Nesta hid her blush behind the teacup.

“It was nothing, my lady” was all he answered, refusing to look at her.

That made Nesta’s heart strangely hurt. She could not help but think he had been disgusted by her earlier appearance. Her hair was such a mess and her chemise was all wrinkled from sleep—

Wait. Why did she care so much of what he thought of her? Nesta Archeron was not one to give much attention to others opinion of herself, so why was she getting so worked up when it came to Cassian? Of course, one could not help but notice how he always looked so presentable, with his spotless clothes, hair combed to perfection every single time. She had never seen a gentleman’s hair be so… perfect. She could bet her first edition of her favourite romance that he had awfully handsome bed hair. And that he had a mint breath even when woke up. And that he probably slept shirtless, if the last time she saw him at midnight at his library was any indication of his sleeping attire.

Oh Mother, why was she now thinking about all of that? She waved an imaginary hand to disperse her not so proper thoughts, focusing on the small talk Georgiana was making.

Both Nesta and Cassian kept avoiding each other during their walk, which did not pass by Georgiana without notice, especially given how her brother had made sure to stay two steps behind them, giving the excuse he wanted to give both ladies “privacy to talk comfortably”, something he had never done. Their walk, however, was cut short when Nesta showed signs of being tired and admitted that her headache had not disappeared.

“I assure you it is nothing to fret over” Nesta told a worried Mrs. Potts when they came back “It must be from yesterday’s drinking. There is no need to call a doctor.”

“Nonetheless, I will ask Chef Ramsay to prepare some light food and my special hangover drink” the old headmaid said with a motherly expression.

Thanking Mrs. Potts again, Nesta went to her room to splash some water on her face in hopes of refreshing herself. But a painful jab low on her stomach made her freeze and the blood drain from her face.

~•~

“Just knock on the door, my Lord” Lumière said as he watched Cassian drop his hand once again. The maître d’ had been watching his lord pace in front of the parlor door for what must have been twenty minutes.

“I do not want to bother her. Maybe I should call Mrs. Potts or wait until the other ladies come back” Cassian ran his hand through his hair in distress. Emerie and Balthazar had gone out with Morrigan to visit some possible new business partners — her big circle of connections proving itself to be very useful in helping expand their business — while Azriel and Gwyn had gone to the town, which was helding a small music festival. Georgiana, on the other hand, had received a telegram from a friend who had returned early from their trip abroad, and she had promptly gone to meet them.

“This, dear brother, is your chance to speak to Miss Nesta” she had said before leaving “I do not know what happened to make you both so distant, but you better make amends. I already asked Emerie to design the gown I shall wear at your wedding.”

Cassian had told Georgie to mind her own business and stop being such a busybody, proceeding to stand guard outside the parlor.

“Leave the lord alone” Cogsworth hissed, elbowing Lumiére “Her ladyship has not asked for help so it must mean she is fine and does not wish to be bothered.”

“Nonsense, old friend!! The lady is simply too shy to ask for it and the lord too polite to risk disturbing her” taking a step forward, Lumière knocked on the door.

“What do you think you are doing?!” the major-domo whisper yelled, and Cassian was sure he would have throttled Lumière were it not for the faint voice coming from the other side.

“Please, do come in” Nesta said.

Taking a deep breath, Cassian opened the door, leaving behind Cogsworth and Lumière, who were trying very hard not to start a duel right there.

The first thing he looked for was Nesta.

Nesta, who was rather pale and was clutching a pillow very hard against her stomach.

“Are you alright?” he asked, not knowing whether to sit beside her or just stay standing a few feet away.

“I am” she said, although the deep breath she took had him thinking it was not true “Where are Gwyn and Emerie?”

“Gwyn went to the town festival with Azriel. An Emerie went with Mor and Balthazar to meet prospective business partners.”

“Are you really alright Nesta?” he asked again “You do not seem fine at all if I may say.”

“I assure you I am perfectly fine” Nesta insisted through clenched teeth “Where is Georgiana?”

“At a friend’s house. They returned early from a trip.” Cassian said, a bit annoyed she was asking for his sister when he was right there. It was a stupid jealous feeling, and he was not even more annoyed because he felt glad they got on so well.

“Do you know when any of them will be back?”

“I am afraid I do not know” daring to approach her, Cassian sat beside her on the sofa “But I am here. If there is anything I could do…”

“There is no need to bother yourself. I truly am—”

And that was when Nesta whimpered and clutched her pillow even tighter, doubling over a little bit.

“You are definitely far from fine sweetheart” Cassian said, rubbing her back in hopes of helping her, nevermind proper etiquette.

“It is really nothing. Just—”

“Just what?”

“Lady stuff!!” Nesta finally said, her whole face heating up like a fireplace.

“Oh. Oh! I see. I— I understand” he said, also a little bit flustered “Not that I actually get it but I have also experienced pain and—”

Nesta wished the ground would open up and swallow her. She was used to getting her period, it was a monthly occurrence. Nothing out of the ordinary. However, this time it seemed her body had decided to punish her more than usual. Not only had she gotten a killer headache — made worse by her hangover —  but she was cramping very badly, and they usually were not that bad. That was why she had gone to that walk with Georgiana, even though she was getting mildly uncomfortable soon after they arrived at the garden.

Not that she did not want to miss any Cassian time.

Him going with them had been a bonus.

A surprise, but not a pleasant one.

Maybe just a bit pleasant if she was being honest. Just a tiny tiny bit.

“I will stop talking now” Cassian mumbled, interrupting not for the first time her errant thoughts.

She wanted to die. To tell Cassian — even indirectly —  that she had gotten her period was the most mortifying she had ever experienced.

“I can get Mrs. Potts for you” he tentatively said, restarting the back rubs “She can get you some tea for pain. Or a bag of warm water. You can tell her anything, do not worry.”

Nesta managed to nod her head in agreement, despite her stubborn side that refused to ask for help from the maids or other servants at Pemberley.

Cassian himself went looking for the head maid instead of just ringing for her, assuring her he would be back in less than ten minutes. And he did come back in record time with Mrs. Potts, who gave her tea and pain tonic that she assured Nesta made wonders for stopping cramps. All the while Cassian hovered over Mrs. Potts, unsure of what to do.

“Do you require anything else? Maybe another blanket?” he asked after Mrs. Potts had left. He had made sure to bring back a blanket too and had even tucked her in with extra care “Or more tea? I can ask someone to come and bring fresh hot tea”

Nesta would never have imagined Cassian to be such an overbearing mother hen. He was being extra careful around her and it annoyed her beyond reason.

“Cassian, this happens every month. Has been happening since I was thirteen, alright? Can you please stop?” she snapped.

She regretted her words as soon as she realised how rude she had been and what exactly she had said. However, he was being so overweening. As if she was made of glass or was on her deathbed.

Yet all Cassian did was crack a smile and nudge a chocolate muffin towards her. Nesta had been in such pain and so quiet he had been concerned if Mrs. Potts’ pain tonic would really work. But there she was.

There was the feisty, sharp tongued and quick-witted Nesta he knew.

There was the Nesta he fell in love with.

He barely held his tongue back and risked blutering his feelings right in front of her. Again.

“May I get you a book then? It is a good way to pass the time until your friends are back.”

“Thank you. That would be lovely” Nesta gave him a soft smile, her previous embarrassment having died down a little.

He was gone and back in a record time, and Nesta delusioned herself into thinking he had raced to the library because he did not want to leave her for too long.

“I got the book you were not able to finish last night” Cassian said, handing her Sellyn Drake’s latest romance “And I also took the liberty of getting one of my favourites too. In case you finish this one quickly.”

She thanked him again, curious as to what book was his favourite, what made her even eager to finish her current read.

Turns out Cassian was a fan of epic poems, a fact that — combined with his admission of having read Sellyn Drake’s romances — once again made Nesta view him with new eyes. She had thought he would be more of a war strategy person, all business and serious matters. Yet it seemed that Cassian had a dreamer inside of him.

“How many times have you read this book?” Nesta asked as she turned a yellowed page. The book was old, but she could see it was very loved given its good condition.

“A lot of times. It was my favourite book as a child, and I could not part with it once I moved out of my childhood home” he gave her a smile “It was also my dear companion during long expeditions. I have most of it memorized.”

“I bet you charmed every single lady during your travels with your knowledge, wooing them with beautiful words” she teased, despite the small pang of jealousy in her heart.

You refused his hand and humiliated him, she thought, you have no place to feel jealous. Cassian is a wonderful gentleman, it is expected to have women falling left and right for him, not to say him pursuing them.

“You are actually the first person apart from my family who knows that I read poetry” Cassian admitted “And I also have never met someone that made me want to declare a poem to”

Nesta did not know what to say to that. They were bordering dangerous territory, something that seemed to happen more and more frequently.

And Cassian, seated right beside her, was thinking the same thing. He had allowed himself to get closer to him again, something that yesterday he had vowed to avoid, had tried to do that morning. But to see her in pain, uncomfortable and not talking to him hurt more than those moments in which he could see a life with her. Those moments with Nesta were a double edged sword: he craved and loathed them with the same urgency.

He would kill to have even a single moment with her.

He would die if he had even a single moment with her.

Nesta made him want to be selfish.

Made him want to declare poems to her, maybe even attempt to write her one.

At the moment, he could not help but recall a certain verse of the Epic of Gilgamesh:

What could I offer

the queen of love in return, who lacks nothing at all?

Balm for the body? The food and drink of the gods?

I have nothing to give to her who lacks nothing at all.

You are the door through which the cold gets in.

You are the fire that goes out. You are the pitch

that sticks to the hands of the one who carries the bucket.

You are the house that falls down. You are the shoe

that pinches the foot of the wearer. The ill-made wall

that buckles when time has gone by. The leaky

water skin soaking the water skin carrier.

To Cassian, Nesta was the goddess of love. And he was the one who could not offer her a single thing for she lacked nothing.

“Well, I will not disturb your reading any longer” clearing his throat to break the new tense silence between them, Cassian gestured to the book in her hand “But do feel free to make comments while you read, I would very much like to hear your opinions about it.”

And she did just that. Every passage she found interesting, each line that caught her eye and interpretation she had about a certain phrase, she shared them all with Cassian. Somewhere during their conversation that awkward tension between them disappeared completely, with Cassian letting his arm rest on the back of the couch, getting closer to Nesta. And Nesta somehow ended up getting closer to him too, almost leaning on his side.

It was all very improper. Cassian staying alone with Nesta, so close to each other and acting as a married couple.

But Cassian would let himself be selfish one last time.

One last time before they had to go their separate ways.

~•~

The day would have ended perfectly were it not for the letter that Gwyn brought once she and Azriel had come back.

While Emerie, Balthazar and Mor had arrived late in the evening — with good news of new partnerships being agreed on —  Gwyn and Azriel had come back much later, just when everyone had finished dinner. Nesta had not been too worried, she trusted Azriel to take care of Gwyn and her friend was not bound by the stifling high society etiquette, but she breathed a little easier when they finally arrived.

“Oh Nesta, we passed by the inn we were staying at before and the landlady gave me a letter addressed to you. It seems she had forgotten to send it to us yesterday when our things were brought here.” Gwyn gave her the letter once they had moved to the game room “She apologised deeply for it.”

“I understand, it is a busy season for them.”

“It is a letter from Feyre” Nesta furrowed her brows in confusion as she broke the letter’ seal, which she recognized as being the one representing Feyre’ status as Duchess “She sent one barely a week ago, I wonder what could have happened.”

Nesta had guessed it would be another letter from Feyre asking about how their trip was going, if she had seen beautiful scenarios and bought any souvenir for her youngest sister. Or even a curious inquiry about what she thought of Cassian. Feyre had been quite interested to know if they got along — she had always been a busybody and matchmaker, and since marrying Rhysand had tried time and time again to nonchalantly push her to Cassin. If she ever discovered that Nesta had already been proposed by Cassian — and that she had refused his hand — chaos would befall upon Nesta.

However, as her eyes scanned the lines, Nesta’s assumptions of its contents proved to be far away from reality. She felt her blood run cold, her heart stop beating and fear. So much fear.

“Excuse me” she managed to say, getting up “I need a moment.”

“Nesta, are you alright? What did Feyre say? You are very pale” Gwyn said, her voice full of worry.

“I am fine. Just cramps” she brushed off her friend’s worries. She did not want to make the others notice that something was off with her, she did not want to alarm Gwyn..

Yet as she exited the room she failed to perceive that Cassian had been paying attention to her ever since Gwyn gave her the letter. He was always paying attention to his surroundings, especially when she was around.

He left the room a few moments after her, trying not to raise suspicion to his attitude. He did not know where she had gone — Pemberley was vast and her room was too far away for him to not have caught her faster — but something led him to the small outdoor patio just left from the small gallery he had at Pemberley.

As he got closer and closer there, he heard the sound of someone crying, which made his heart beat faster and a deep fear grow inside him.

He arrived outside to find an unimaginable scene: Nesta crying. Crying as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest.

She was a mess, her careful braided hair coming undone, as if she had ran her hands through it in desperation.

“Nesta… Nes dear, what happened? Is Feyre alright?” Cassian did not care that she most probably left the room to cry in private. He was worried, he needed to be beside her, he needed to help her somehow.

“I— Feyre she—” she was sobbing so hard she could barely breathe, let alone talk, making Cassian’s heart break in a thousand pieces.

“Shh it’s okay sweetheart. I am here Nes” he gently cupped her face, making her look at him “Take deep breaths with me.”

He took a deep breath, holding it in for three seconds before letting it go. He kept doing it until Nesta did the same, slowly calming down.

“Can you talk now? Do you want me to fetch you some water?” Cassian asked, tenderly brushing off her remaining tears.

“No, I— I can talk now” Nesta took another breath “Feyre is alright. It is Elain.”

“Elain? Is she sick? Talk to me Nes, help me understand”

Elain was the picture of the perfect lady in high society. With her numerous suitors, lovely and delicate behaviour — not to mention her singular beauty — it was hard to find someone who did not like her. Given that her hobbies — cooking and gardening — did not pose a threat to her health and well being, Cassian could not understand what would have made Nesta react so strongly. Perhaps Elain had fallen ill, something that rarely happened.

“No. She is not sick” Nesta shook her head “Cauldron, I almost wished she was sick.”

“Elain was…. Elain was kidnapped” she added, her eyes filling with tears again.

“Kidnapped? How?”

That made no sense, who would kidnap Elain? And why?

“She was going to visit Feyre. And when she didn't show up Rhysand went to search for her and—” Nesta started to cry, desperation filling her voice “They found her carriage turned over and hidden near the outskirts of the city. No sign of her at all.”

Cassian was speechless. He could only imagine how Feyre must be feeling after she got the news and hoped Rhysand was doing his everything to help find Elain.

“The coachman was killed and her lady in waiting was rushed to the hospital.” she cried even harder “This is all my fault. I should never have left her. We have no male relatives and Feyre is living too far from our childhood home. I was supposed to take care of her.”

“Nesta, it is not your fault. You could never have guessed something like this could happen.” he looked deep in her eyes, the blue in them even brighter because of her tears “Is there anything I could do to help?”

“I am afraid there isn’t, '' she whispered “I have to go back home. Try to hire an investigator, talk to Feyre and hope Elain is not disgraced by society rumors. Hope she is alive”

Cassian could only nod in agreement and wait for Nesta to recompose herself before they went back inside. Their friends were as horrified and worried about the situation as he and Nesta, and decided to go back right that moment. The staff noticed something was amiss and made sure to ready the carriage in record time.

“Thank you for welcoming you at your home” Nesta said, her complexion a bit better “I can assure you we all had a wonderful time here.”

“It was my pleasure. Have a safe travel and remember that Pemberey is open to you and your friends whenever you want to visit” Cassian helped Nesta get on her carriage one last time, letting go of her hand begrudgingly.

And as Nesta and her friends got farther and farther from Pemberley, as Nesta got farther and farther away from him and took his heart with her, Cassian felt a calm fury settle inside him.

He had some letters to write to some old friends.

•

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[xpeachesncream]

perfectly wrong | one

summary: there were rules that had to be followed: no one could know about you two, there was no ‘getting to know each other,’ and there was absolutely no emotional attachment allowed. if this could be done, there should be no complications. but somehow, the rules always get bended.

pairing: reader x fuckboy!kth

genre: college au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 2301

chapter warnings: cussing, mature language, very slight angst, some hints of jealousy, alcohol consumption

notes: pls remember that this is set a few months after you and tae have been going at it, so it will seem like things are happening a bit fast. i’m not trying to prolong this series. also most importantly, i tend to usually write shorter chapters > shorter, but more chapters published. enjoy!

> series masterlist <

Jungkook decided he was going to see if he could jump over your couch and land perfectly in a seated position.

"Wait, wait, wait. Absolute silence everybody." He says as he's stretched over, trying to estimate the timing and height of his jump. He had always been super athletic and competitive since you two were small, so there was really no changing his mind on this. He always had to prove something, even if that meant creating his own competition of jumping over the couch.

"It's just me and you." You watched him from the kitchen, making sure the pizza in the oven was baking properly.

"I have an audience, okay? Don't be rude, Y/N." He says as he points over to the fake audience clapping and laughing during a 'Friends' episode.

"Whatever, as long as you don't go breaking my shit, Jeon Jungkook." He was 22, but his mentality was 8. That was for damn sure.

"Siiiiiiilence." He says at a whisper, his eyes shut as he puts a finger to his mouth. He lets out a huff and a puff before he gets the courage to throw himself over the couch and land a perfect landing. "And once again, he sticks the landing!" He stands up with his hands up in the air.

"You're annoying." You laughed, getting paper plates ready for the pizza that was about to be done because you were in no mood to do any dishes tonight.

"Thank you! I'll be here again tomorrow, same time." He calls out to his fake audience.

"No the hell you're not."

"Ouch, nevermind. Someone apparently doesn't want me here." You laugh at how dramatic he is. At this point, you just let him be because that was something you always loved about your bestfriend. He embraced the kid in him and always brought good times. You had similarities, but you also had some major differences. You liked being in your comfort zone & you were labeled the innocent nerd amongst your friends. You just like to consider yourself simple, though. A 'take it day by day' kind of person. Kookie was fun, adventurous and childish at times. He was also shy, but loud at the same time? An introverted extrovert, you could say.

But you loved each other nonetheless, that's why you've clicked so well since you were young. You taught each other things & grew together.

"Here, fool." You placed the pizza in front of him with the paper plates.

"Set it up, I'll grab us the drinks. You want anything in particular?"

"That bottle of Stella Rosa, please." JK knew you loved that Stella Rosa, so he happily grabs the bottle and two wine glasses. He plops back next to you on the couch, pouring your glasses and grabbing a heaping serving of 4 slices of pizza.

You both decided you want a good laugh, so you throw on Kevin Hart's newest installment: Zero Fucks Given. It isn't long before you both are rolling on the floor, almost gasping for air at how much you're laughing at Kevin Hart's stand up. The pizza is gone, the wine is gone, and you're still feeling pretty tipsy. The whole thing sounds nice, until your head starts to wonder what Taehyung is doing and if he'll text you to come over tonight. You know he probably already has plans with another chick though, and that hits you.

Curse this fucking alcohol.

Let's get this straight - the only time you 'talk' is when he's trying to fuck.

And yes bitch, you let him do this to you. You're out that door before you can even fully slip your shoes on. Dick is just that good. It's something about Taehyung that makes you addicted. The way he gives you a stupid ass smirk when he opens his door, the way he touches your skin and gently lays his shit on you until you both become really invested in the moment. So invested that shit hits the roof. It gets messy. It gets rough. It becomes unspeakable.

You aren't friends. No one knows about you two, or that you even know the other exists. You don't know shit about each other. The only thing you know is that he's fucking other girls. He has a whole roster, you'd imagine - a starting five, at least.

He doesn't care about you, and for the most part, you don't either. At least, that's what you like to portray because it's been some months now since this whole thing started and you can't help but feel some kind of emotional tie to him. You're leaving your house between 12-2am in the morning and sleeping in his bed until 6-7am. It's a routine; a routine you've become used to. You skip out on some late night kick-its with your friends cause you anticipate a text to come through from him.

But, he doesn't care. You aren't the only female slipping into those sheets, and boy does it fucking make it hard to swallow. Reality hits hard when you think about it and you feel this huge pit in your stomach. You try to be different, you try to stand out one way or another. But it doesn't work that way. You knew what this entailed going into it, so it makes zero sense as to why you're hurting and getting jealous from time to time.

You know it still doesn't matter to him.

He's only fucking you over cause you let him. You know damn well you're not gonna change and let this go, though. You love thrill of it too much. It's the most thrill your life has had. You're not perfect and you're only human. You make mistakes, but this one definitely puts the cherry on top. Because not only do you refuse to learn, but you let it repeat itself over and over again.

"Aishhhh, my stomach hurts from laughing too much." Jungkook laid his head back and patted his belly. "But that was good though. I needed that."

"Yeah it was. Thanks for coming by to watch that with me, Kook." He tilts his head over to look at you and smiles.

"Sure thing." He checks his phone and sits up. "Yoongi is blowing up the group chat." You check your phone to see multiple unread messages from none other than Min Yoongi himself.

[yoongi] 10:37pm: aye

[yoongi] 10:45pm: all of a sudden, everyone is ghost in this group chat?! you all had a lot to say not too long ago.

[yoongi] 10:52pm: even though you guys are fake as fuck, does anyone wanna come with me to the bars tonight? meet at my place so we can head out.

You and Jungkook laughed at how butthurt Yoongi was in the groupchat. Yoongi definitely was the most serious and blunt one in your group, but he still liked to party and have a good time. It was just how he was. Hoseok was always full of energy and probably the most extroverted one out of all 4 of you. He was never shy. You and Jungkook met Yoongi and Hoseok your first year in college and became inseparable ever since. You all just click with your different attributes.

[jungkook] 10:53pm: lmaoooooooo

[yoongi] 10:53pm: fuck you dude lol

[jungkook] 10:54pm: i'll come through in a sec, i'm at y/n's right now. not sure if she's gonna come though?

[y/n] 10:55pm: i'll pass, i'm tired and wined out.

[hoseok] 10:55pm: ahahahah yoongi shut up, blowing up my phone for no reason. i'm passing on tonight too. im tired from working that overtime *cries*

[yoongi] 10:56pm: you both are boring. i'm especially offended at how i didn't get an invite to your little powwow, y/n. and now you don't wanna hang out?

[hoseok] 10:57pm: she mentioned she was going to watch kevin hart's thing yesterday and offered us to swing by if we wanted to though....... selective hearing, maybe?

[y/n] 10:58pm: ^ okayyyyy and that's on period! thank you hobi <3

[hoseok] 10:59pm: anything for the baby

[yoongi] 10:59pm: lmao you're a brat, y/n. whatever, i'm still hurt by you both! kook, hurry on over so we can drink

"Fuck I regret this, I'm gonna die." Jungkook laughed as he stood up and stretched. He quickly helped you clean up before he figured it was time to go or else Yoongi would have a fit.

"I feel like it has to do with that one girl he's been talking to on and off."

"Perhaps." Jungkook shrugged before putting on his shoes. "We shall see." he sighs before giving you a tight hug. "You sure you don't wanna come out?"

"Nope."

"You don't even have plans tonight."

"Yes I do."

"Doing what?"

"Laying in bed." Jungkook snorted as you shook your head and shrugged. What else did he think you were trying to do? He should know you by now, at the very least.

"Alright, I'm not even going to argue. I'm off."

"Be safe, have fun, text me if you both need anything, okay?" He nods as he shuts the door, leaving you to your lonesome. You swirled the teeny tiny drop of wine leftover in your glass around before picking up your phone.

No new texts. Well, let's be specific: no new texts from taehyung.

You did forget to respond to your oldest cousin though, when he was just trying to check up on you.

[seokjin] 8:35pm: pssst y/n

[seokjin] 8:35pm: psssssssssst

[seokjin] 8:35pm: oyyyyyyyyyy

He was damn near 30 years old and hated talking on the phone so much that he decides to blow up your phone this way. But, he was the cousin you loved dearly and you had a very tight, sibling-like relationship with him. He was like the older brother you've always wanted. He watched you grow, protected you, kept you safe, supported you and cheered you on - especially when your family talked so much shit about how you and him weren't gonna get anywhere with your goals. You know, the fucking stupid ol' saying of 'chasing your passion isn't going to bring you money & wealth.' Your family was all about the titles and money, but Jin was passionate about cooking and wanted to open his own cafe. You, on the other hand, wanted to pursue your art. Jin was the biggest role model for you because he was the first to defy your family's wants and wishes. He was the black sheep of the family with a huge 'I don't give a fuck' mentality and he taught you that along the way.

Don't ever be afraid to do what you're passionate about. Fuck 'em.

[y/n] 11:13pm: hi sorry, jungkook was over and we were watching kevin hart's new thing on netflix over some wine and pizza.

[seokjin] 11:15pm: that sounds fun! sorry, i just wanted to check on you but i see you're doing okay lol

[y/n] 11:16pm: i am. :) i'll hang out with you tomorrow

[seokjin] 11:16pm: how sweet, my freeloading baby cousin is coming by

[y/n] 11:17pm: hahahah shut up! although you're not wrong, i am going to steal some food. but most importantly, i do want to hang out and see my bestest oppa <3

[seokjin] 11:18pm: awww y/n, you're so full of shit <3

[seokjin] 11:18pm: go to bed

[y/n] 11:19pm: haha love you tooooo

And so, that's what you did. You got yourself all ready for bed, believing you wouldn't be leaving your house tonight. You pampered yourself, put on a face mask and got yourself all lathered up in lotion just to lay down. You're in Jungkook's shirt that he left behind (and never looked for, so technically it's yours now) when the guys had stayed the night and some Vicky Secret panties.

You're scrolling through your Instagram feed, seeing Jungkook's newly posted story with him and Yoongi already at the bars, acting a damn fool. You laughed at the video he took of Yoongi trying to dance in a tight, awkward space on the crowded dance floor even though he was never the best at dancing. It lowkey made you wish you went out with them so you wouldn't be stuck here thinking about your feelings and how lonely these hours get.

And then you see Jimin's story from an hour ago. He knew you were friends with Yoongi, and although Yoongi wasn't fond of their group too much, he was still an avid party-goer and mingled with people there. You've only spoken to Jimin once because you had to work with him in the same group on a class assignment. You tried to keep it that way though because he was Taehyung's bestfriend. They went everywhere together, did everything together. He, too, was very popular among the ladies and across campus. I guess it was just their thing.

You assume they were at a party cause Jimin quickly flashes the camera at Taehyung, who's in front of him getting a lapdance from some chick. Jimin quickly turns the camera back to his face as he's laughing uncontrollably then abruptly cuts it off.

Great.

She's forsure going home with him tonight.

You set your phone down on the night stand and put on a show on your laptop to help you fall asleep.

Just as you're about to get some shut eye, your phone vibrates. You let it slip at first because you thought it could be one of the guys playing around, but it vibrates again, signaling another text coming through. You pick up your phone just to make sure Yoongi and Jungkook aren't in any trouble and need you to bail their asses out.

[taehyung] 12:17am: hey

[taehyung] 12:20am: come over.

You scoff at how he assumes you're still up and that you'd be coming over. You hated that. He knew he just had your ass.

track two: hit different - sza & ty dolla $ign

[sparkles-and-trash]

South Park Main 5, Headcanons Masterpost  ~

Stan Marsh 

Looks: 

hair is actually nice and somewhat floppy naturally, but because he wears a hat most of the time, it’s usually flat and a little greasy kshdhsd

hair is that blue-ish black color

eyes is piercing ice blue 

skin is light, kind porcelain like, but he also tans really fast?

soft sweaters are the only thing he’ll wear from early autumn to late spring

in summer he’ll literally only wear band shirts and flannels lol 

Personality and General Trivia:

totally cares more for animals than most people let’s be real 

sometimes he struggles with seeing things from others point of view and ha can come across as a little self centered 

he is aware of it tho and tries to be better at it 

his instagram is filled with Sparky haha 

let’s Sparky sleep in his bed every single night even tho Sharon tells him not to 

likes reading and writing, has a tiny obsession with dark themes and Lovecraftian stuff 

he and Kenny volunteers at the local pet shelter and homeless shelter together 

the pet shelter was Stan’s idea, and the homeless shelter was Kenny’s 

wants to be edgy but is really just very soft

“Kyle said...” 

believes everything Kyle tells him lol 

enjoys video games a lot, prefers single player, story based ones tho 

also still enjoys boardgames a lot, and when the big group isn’t up for hit, he, Tweek, Jimmy, Butters and Cartman groups together to nerd it out 

has clinical depression, but is managing it with help of a therapist, his mom and friends

sometimes things gets pretty dark, but he is getting better at reaching out and asking for help in those times 

Friendships:

like I mentioned above, he struggles a bit with seeing things for other’s point of view 

but he is aware of his flaws and is trying to be better

can get a little bit caught up in his own drama, but listens when his friends tells him he needs to get over himself 

will always stand up for his friends, especially if they’re not there to do it themselves 

when he starts getting closer with Butters in early high school he gets really upset when he realizes how much he gets shit-talked 

enjoys spending time with his friends individually, probably the most of the group, and takes initiative to do so a lot 

which is very important to Kenny, since he tends to feel a little overlooked sometimes, and it makes their friendship really strong 

same with Butters, except Butters doesn’t usually doesn’t mind mainly being in a group, but the first few times and Stan hangs out alone it’s obvious he really appreciates it 

Family:

daddy issues 

sorry I don’t make the rules lol 

has a decent relationship with Sharon tho

she’s a good mom 

and he wants to be a good son 

Shelly is still kinda angry and scary

she keeps the “only I can beat you up bro” attitude and there is secretly mutual respect there

but we don’t talk about that!!! 

Ships and relationships:

okay so my main ships for him are stutters (Butters), stenny (Kenny) and Style (Kyle) 

my fav is stutters tho 

I usually head canon him as bi or pan, but as with everyone in SP, I’m open to different interpretations if different Au’s and stories! 

I just really like the idea of them learning to balance facing their issues AND celebrate the good things in life together 

I def think he can be a bit insecure in relationships, struggling with feeling like he’s not enough, and would need a partner that naturally will be affirming and positive 

that’s not to say he’s super needy or clingy, he’s just a bit insecure 

but I really think he would truly be a good partner 

he’s caring, kind and very appreciative 

which is again why I really like him with Butters offh 

Kenny McCormick 

Looks:

sandy blonde hair that’s always messy and floppy/softly curled 

teeth is kind of crooked due to lack of funds for braces 

his front teeth are kinda big and has a significant gap 

lots and lots of freckles man 

all over his face, shoulders, back, hands and arms 

tans fast 

I actually really like him with brown eyes? like, soulful deep brown eyes 

but also very, very clear blue ones, like almost unnatural (yes that’s a mysterious thing) 

medium tall 

wears his hoodies, usually with the hood up, no matter if it’s freezing or a heatwave

not conventionally attractive, but charming looking lol 

likes to wear some eyeliner every now and then

and nail polish, but it’s like super clumsily put on and always chipped

Personality and General Trivia:

falls asleep in class a lot, but always seems to know the answer if the teacher asks him something

also has decent grades

I think he’s way smarter than he gives himself credit for, both socially and school wise 

the therapist of the groups 

actually, the therapist of the whole school 

knows a lot of secrets due to this, but he always, ALWAYS keeps them 

I see him as very friendly and approachable, but terribly hard to get close with

lots and lots of walls, man

very much an observer type? 

quietly stays in the background if that’s an option

but if he is talked too, or feels like he has something to really contribute to in a conversation he’ll jump in and be comfortable talking and taking up space if he is with friends or people he knows 

if not, he’ll just stay in the background with that.... look on his face that just makes you know he knows more than he says 

works at Tweek’s parents coffee shop, is kinda close with Tweek because of this 

zones out a lot 

“…what?” 

can fall asleep anywhere

Friendships:

is pretty close friends with Butters! 

Butters used to have a little crush on him, but Kenny didn’t find out until years later lol 

he also has a lot of patience with Cartman compared to the others

which is why Cartman actually cares when Kenny sets him in his place 

likes learning new things, and does that with Kyle a lot! 

both school and homework stuff, and things like cooking and other homey stuff, the two of them really bond with this 

him and Stan volunteer together, and I already mentioned, and that time means a lot to Kenny 

since he works with Tweek, the two of them are pretty close and good friends 

is the one of the main boys who gets along the best with Craig and those guys

actually hangs out with them from time to time, so does Butters

it low-key drives the others crazy

Family:

I often like to think his parents would keep having these bursts where they try to get their shit together? 

and it’s slow, and one step back and two backwards, but the fact that they’re trying at all means a lot to the kids after years of them... not 

I can also see Kevin stepping up and taking more charge, Kevin get’s way too little love in this fandom! 

Kenny usually never fights with his sibs

but when he does it’s with Karen, usually because he’s worried about her and it’s nor pretty

none of them can stay mad at each other for long tho

Kevin trying to be all “big brother” and kinda failing because he is chaotic, but he really wants to do right and Karen and Kenny knows that and appreciates it 

Ships and relationships:

ohhh kay here we go, unpopular opinions ahead! 

first, my main Kenny ships are Tokenny (Token x Kenny) and Stenny 

rn Tokenny is my main, I love the potential dynamics, both with their personalties and backgrounds and families 

I tend to head canon him as pan or bisexual, and demiromatic 

I know the demiromantic part is... controversial, at best 

but hear me out! 

I see him being very comfortable with discussing sexual stuff, and being attracted to someone physically is never something he feels awkward or bad about 

but when it comes to more emotional connections, he is way more awkward and fumbling 

for those who doesn’t know, a demiromatic person (like myself! surprise!) won’t have crushes or romantic feelings for someone they don’t already have some form of emotional bond with! We can still feel sexual attraction tho, and some of us are comfortable with casual sexual encounters (like me!) and others are not, and both are very valid! 

I usually have two ways of writing him 

either him being comfortable having casual sexual interactions, but struggling with the romantic aspect and having to figure out how this works for him 

OR 

him having some trauma related to debating sexually very early, thinking he was all ready and it was just sex, but getting his emotions caught up in it and being very heartbroken and confused, and therefore having issues with being intimate with people for a while 

I mix them up depending on the story, but the first one is usually my go-to! 

Kyle Broflovski 

Looks:

he still covers his hair a lot, either with hats or hoods? 

because I really see him being insecure about it 

it’s a medium sort of red, and like, really curly and fluffy 

not frizzy, big like... big 

I usually give him green eyes, but I also could see him with a light brown or hazel! 

some light freckles on his face that only really shows up if he’s spent time in the sun 

pretty tall, kind of lanky 

d i m p l e s 

Personality and General Trivia:

big nerd energy

in every way, board games, video games, loves school, like genuinely, enjoys studying for tests, loves fantasy books, the longer and more complicated the better 

co-captain of the debate team with Wendy 

is good with arguments unless he gets too passionate on the subject, or if someone knows his weak points and uses them to tick him off

it’s usually Cartman  

his mom wants him to go to an Ivy League but honestly he just wants to go to the same one in Denver as Stan, Butters and Cartman are planning on, and now that Kenny is also considering it he seriously think he’ll die if all his friends go to the same college without him

he struggles with FOMO, which is kind of an issue since he’s a busy guy, and some of his friends are not lol 

if any one of these kids become a jock, it’s def Kyle with his basketball change my mind- 

but not like, a letterman wearing fuckboy type of jock, but like, is obsessed with his sport and his team and works really hard to do well type of jock

Friendships:

very loyal 

he and Stan walks Sparky together at least twice a week, just to be sure they’re always caught up with each other even when they’re busy with school, sports and dating

yeah they’re still super best friends 

when they started high school he got closer to Wendy as she’s also on the debate team, in all of his AP classes and they share a lot of the same interests  

they’re still good friends, but nothing more

the first time Cartman got really drunk was at a party freshman year, and at the time everyone was pretty fed up with him, and he ended up crying and Kyle found him, and Cartman thinks Kyle doesn’t remember, but he does 

that was the first night Kyle really kinda understood why Cartman was the way he was, and even though he still thinks he’s a dick at times, he tries to remember everyone have a story, and to give people time 

but he often gets too riled up to remember that lol 

good pals with Jimmy, they share a lot of interests in fantasy stuff and have the same humor 

he also start to go along well with Craig when they are around middle school age, but they’re both kinda too stubborn to admit they’re friends until a year later lol  

Family:

even tho Sheila is pretty overbearing and can be too much, he is a mommy’s boy deep down 

tense relationship with his dad 

enjoys cooking, so that’s where he spends a lot of time with his mom! 

tries his best to keep up with Ike and his life

sometimes he is a tad cringy when doing so, but Ike appreciates the gesture 

Ike is pretty confident and strong in himself so he doesn’t care if Kyle is a bit awkward lol 

the type of brothers who genuinely enjoys spending time together 

Ships and relationships:

I like Style, Kyman, K2 and Kyvid! 

I think he’d be a late bloomer when it comes to love and dating

struggles with opening up and letting himself feel these things 

I often think of him as biromantic asexual, but I’m not always set on it! 

he’d enjoy traditional dinner and a movie type of dates a lot, such a nerd 

Eric Cartman 

Looks:

keeps his hair cut pretty short and styled

has heterochromia iridium (different colored eyes), one blue and one brown

also he has a real nice smile when it’s a genuine one

which is rare but like 

it happens 

is kinda insecure about his weight and tries to compensate with always having the newest stuff and pretending not to care

sometimes tries to diet in secret

he isn’t huge anymore, but is still sort of broad, and isn’t skinny, but like..

kinda bulky, if he wears the right type of clothes it’s hard to see if he’s chubby or buff

but he is def chubby 

Personality and General Trivia:

spends way to much time on reddit arguing with randoms

angry gamer, will call you a slur on voice chat 

after almost getting dropped by his friends in middle school he tries a little harder to be a more decent person

still an asshole at heart, but like, an asshole who sometimes cares about some people 

always tells people that’s he’s seen that meme before, even when he hasn’t 

nothing is ever his fault and the only ones who can get him to admit he’s wrong are Kenny and, very, very rarely, Kyle

he wears supreme hoodies for a full year of High School and stands in line all night for the new ones and never shuts up about how he is the first in South Park to have the new stuff 

Kenny finds it hilarious to buy the fake supreme stickers and put then on his own worn out hoodies

Kyle makes it his main goal in life to put things (everything from used gym socks to old food he finds in his locker) in Cartmans hoods and see how long it takes for him to notice 

can’t handle alcohol, is constantly being teased for it

sloppy drunk lol 

one of the main reasons the other bothers with Cartman trough middle school, when he is at his worst, is because of his big basement, the old Coon Lair, who got a big renovation around 7th grade and is an awesome, private hangout spot with a big TV and wifi and gaming systems

Friendships:

constantly says he hates his friends but would die if everyone left him 

is secretly terribly jealous of Kyle, both his closeness to Stan, his basketball skills, his grades and his family

but they had that thing in Freshman year when Kyle found him drunk, alone and sad, and Cartman himself barely remembers it, and doesn’t think Kyle does because he never mentioned it 

but he does

so much tension there, but also co-dependency 

sees Kenny and Butters as his best friends, and knows deep down neither of them feel that way about him and it secretly kills him 

is in the same board game group with Stan 

is low-key terrified of Tweek lol 

Family:

big mommy issues 

but also very protective of her

I really enjoy the AU/headcanon that Liane marries Clyde’s dad 

it’s not like, the only version I like, but I put it in as many au’s and works of mine as I can 

I def think both boys would be mortified right away 

but Clyde comes around first, because he really wants a brother, even if that brother have to be Cartman 

Cartman would never admit it, but after some time he really starts to see Clyde as a brother and genuinely cares for him 

Ships and relationships:

I mainly see Cartman as gay 

sometimes I start of AU’s and stories with him not being out to himself or anyone else tho, I think that whole journey for him will be very interesting and help him grow as a person 

I def think he’d have a few girlfriends before he comes out tho? 

he can be very charming when he wants too yanno 

my only Cartman ship is kyman atm, but I’m def open to explore more of

Leopold Butters Stotch 

Looks:

I really really really like T A L L Butters??? 

like tall and gangly and adorable 

I know it’s very popular to head canon that he bleaches his hair, but I like to think he has very light blond air naturally! 

keeps it short on the sides and longer on top, with cute ass curls 

soft sky blue eyes 

also dyes his bangs light blue in high school!! 

Pete the goth helps him because he is a pro of dying bangs 

I like to think he’d be into pastel grunge, and keep his love for Hello Kitty and Sanrio etc, but still be a bit more... edgy? 

Personality and General Trivia:

one of those people who’s friendly with almost everyone

but that doesn’t mean he’s friends with them, yanno? 

gets drunk from one wine cooler 

loves the theater and is in the drama club, but likes to be behind the stage, not on it 

wants to be a director one day 

watches Netflix on his phone every single time he has any time to spare, because he’s always binging a show

is usually pretty positive and kind, gives people the benefit of the doubt 

but can be very stubborn, and if he has decided he dislikes or doesn’t trust someone, it’s almost impossible to change his mind 

Friendships:

Butters put up with Cartman for so long because he genuinely thinks he can be fun when he’s not horrible, and he really tries his best to believe in people

he was also the first one to forgive him after the others cut him off 

a very loyal and fun friend

takes a lot of initiative to do stuff, and loves hosting movie nights 

thinks of these boys as his closest friends, but is also real close to Wendy, Bebe, Jimmy and Tweek

Family:

I just hate Stephen so much you guys

so tbh I usually like to just... have Linda leave him, or straight up kill him off oops 

I know Linda is terrible too, I do, but I think she could possibly have a moment of realization if something happens like Butters potentially being taken away? 

idk I’m not gonna go too deep into this, I know it’s such a heavy topic and I don’t wanna seem like I just ignore it, but I personally don’t usually include Stephen directly in my stories, and this is why, I hope y’all understand and respect that! 

Ships and relationships:

my main Butters ship is Stutters (Stan x Butters) 

I mentioned a lot why in Stan’s headcanons? 

but idk, I just really think they’d balance each other well, and could have a very interesting and cute relationship! 

I usually headcanons him as pan or gay, and genderqueer, but I’m open for other interpretations too! 

he does date a little bit, but have never been in a real relationship and isn’t stressing about it! 

he did have a pretty huge crush on (a very unaware) Kenny during middle school, but then they started hanging out a lot more and became really close and Butters didn’t really bring it much thought?

that’s until Cartman gets jealous and throws out a “what are you guys dating and fucking and being gay huh???” and Butters mind immediately goes to “omg ew no he’s like my brother!” 

aaand that’s how Butters realized he was over his crush 

they two of them stay close friends tho, Kenny makes Butters laugh and helps him be more sure of himself and Butters helps Kenny remember that they’re still just kids and should have fun and be good

[mallowstep]

I wanna hear about the PO3 au's the anon left out! skyclan, loner, po5. Im guessing loner is Crow/Leaf raising the 3 outside of the clans. I love hearing you talk about your au's!

aww thanks! okay, same plan as before, details below the cut.

skyclan po3: it's, uh, pretty on the nose. crow and leaf run to skyclan with their kits.

loner po3: this is a catch-all term for three aus with similar premises, but i don't have a clear/short title to differentiate them. one is leafcrow, one is mothpool, and one is just leafpool. i'll talk about each of them.

po5: this is my internal name for the jaywing au. this, if you don't remember (and why would you), is a bit of a parallel to the dovefeather/med cat dovewing au where jaykit and dovekit are siblings.

skyclan po3: "they move on tracks of never-ending light" (title song)

the au title for this in my notes was "whitewater," but i think i'm going to save something else for that. (if you're confused why i have two titles for all of the aus: when i make a big au, it usually gets a temporary title that's short and easy to search, but i replace it with a permanent title later. sometimes they stay the same, like ashes, but usually i change it.)

so my only notes on this is

crowfeather and leafpool make it all the way to skyclan with a trio of newborn kits.

and like yeah, that's basically all i've figured out.

uhhh i know skyclan will come to the lake sooner, obviously, and i know that jay's character arc plays out really differently because there's less ableism.

(even in the windclan au, jay is intertwined with ableism: in that case, it's "either you're the same, or you're not capable." but leafstar is a sensible leader who doesn't have that problem.)

otherwise, yeah, i don't really know where i'm going with this, other than i think it'll be fun to explore, since leafpool is firestar's daughter and named after leafstar.

loner po3: the common thread in all of these is what happens to thunderclan's medicine cat after leafpool leaves?

(tbf, that's a common question in quite a few aus. but it makes itself a central conflict in these three.)

loner po3 I: leafcrow. "on and on we run in loops"

uh, yeah. they run away, and stay away. this one isn't supposed to focus on the kits that much, but rather, leafpool's struggle with duty and desire.

i've got this:

“There’s a loner,” the kittypet said, her voice languid, claws extended, but with an air of ease, “named Leaf. She’s been helping out loners for, oh, a season or two.”

as a quote from it. it's my least favorite of the loner po3 aus.

loner po3 II: single mom leafpool. "between us, i'd trade you for them every time"

i've talked about this one actually quite a bit, but it's probably going to take me a while to write it. it's inspired by "butterflies and hurricanes," but instead of leafpool dying, crowfeather dies.

also, the chapter titles come from "marjorie" which is basically 90% of why it's going to take me a while to work on it, that song makes me cry a lot and uh, things are a lil Much right now.

i've got a few scenes sketched out, from holly running away, and leafpool panicking, to leafpool worrying about bringing her kits to thunderclan.

loner po3 III: mothpool. "to make a choice in all this mess"

this is the au competing with divided po3 for next po3 au to write, and i'm...i love it. (as a note, i won't write two aus for the same time period at the same time. that's why i was waiting to finish wfmisus before i got back on doahins. now it's all messy. but i get confused lmao.)

anyway, i have the least written for this, but i'm very excited. in my first warriors fic ever, "if you love me any, let me know it now", leafpool thinks this:

(Leafpool should have left. She should have found Mothwing and told her and left. Maybe pause to say goodbye to Squirrelflight. Mothwing would have gone with her, and things would be alright. Not like they are now, all tangled and impossible.)

and well. i'm weak.

i don't have a ton of concrete stuff to say about it, especially considering it's so high on the list, but i mean, i'm excited.

po5: "wing and feather"

alright, this is an old one. since it's also high on my list, i want to explain where it came from rather than what it's about, because that will cover what it's about in a broad sense, without tempting me to give away the details.

(also, w&f is a working title. much like "feather take flight," i may change my mind.)

anyway. i started getting into warriors with "cloudtail's daughter," an au where dovewing and ivypool are brightheart's kits.

in a post so old i had to go to my main blog to find it, i said this:

i also want him to be dovewing’s brother. but the au where brightheart gives birth to dovekit, anxiety child, and jaykit, blind, and feels like a failure despite the fact that its not like her half-blindness is genetic, is not this au. that is another au.

and the seeds were planted.

so right, i'm writing up ctd around when i'm first reading "flightless dove, poison ivy," which will go on to inspire dovefeather (med cat dovewing au, but as you'll see, dovefeather is the assigned working au name. after i decided i didn't like feather take flight, i reverted back to its initial working title, dovefeather.)

so i've got these two things rolling around in my brain.

dovefeather comes first, because i reread fdpi so many times and i just. i want dovepaw to stay in riverclan. i don't want her to leave. i want her to be happy. (also please! i'm still finishing ch 2 of fdpi no spoilers it's taking me embarassingly long to finish.)

but anyway, consider this a bonus au talk because explaining what po5 is, imo, requires me explaining what dovefeather is. like, in an au talk scenario. they're unrelated aus, from a reader perspective.

so i come up with this list of "things i want to be different in oots":

dovewing should be cloudtail's daughter

dovewing and jayfeather should be siblings

dovewing should be a medicine cat

dovewing should go to riverclan

ivypool should be the fourth cat (but i'm not revealing which aus this applies to bc big time spoilers)

and this creates a bit of an au matrix. pick and choose, you know? ctd is (1).

dovefeather is (3) and (4).

but i still wanted (2), and so it seemed pretty natural to make a (1), (2), and (3) au.

but that's a retrospective analysis, what really happens is, i get like fourteen "what ifs" deep, until i'm writing fic for my fic for someone else's fic. kind of.

dovefeather diverges pretty sharply from fdpi, especially based on what i've read of ch2. it takes the same core idea, and because my idea of riverclan was inspired by fdpi, there are plenty of similarities, but i think it's functionally very different, and superficially similar.

(also, hollowflight ends up in a completely different trio lmao dovepaw hangs out with rushpaw, troutpaw, and mossypaw.)

but anyway, i'm trying not to write another au of the same time period, but i just finished writing out the full outline for ashes, and the next chapter (i.e., ch 12, which i'm hopefully posting today if all goes well) gets me thinking, and i can't let it go: i want (2) to happen.

so i look at my outline for dovefeather, because the rule is, it has to be very different from this.

since dovefeather is like 70% drafted (altho that number seems low, because i suspect i'm going to end up adding a lot into the fourth chapter), i now know that was never going to be an issue, but at the time, i was very worried.

so i was like! well, that means i'm going to fuck with every part of po3, and we're going to get ivypaw and hollypaw roped in, and jaypaw is always going to be a warrior, and i think i made squilf his mentor? or maybe sandstorm lmao.

either way, it ended up being defined by jaypaw, which i didn't initially plan on. but that's po5: squilf's litter lionkit, hollykit, ivykit & brightheart's litter dovekit and jaykit grow up together.

it's got a similar vibe to ashes IMO.

okay wow that ended up being a lot i've been hyperfocusing on dovefeather all weekend, and in my head, it's inextricably linked to ashes, ctd, and jaywing/po5, so uh. yeah.

hope this was what you were looking for?

<3

[faerune]

W I X O N for Tess and her dummy 😌

thank you queen have some clownery 😌

W = Wild Card

I have not stopped thinking about Tess on a whim picking up lingerie when she’s out on a run for like days now. She spends the whole ride back home thinking about how frivolous and also weirdly a little hesitant to try smth? But she puts on her big girl panties (haha literally) and Daryl goes...nuts. The idea of her picking that out to wear for him and only him getting to see it and undress her makes the caveman part of his brain go OUGH.

I = Intimacy 

They’re two people that with sex there’s always some kind of intimacy. Especially Daryl since he’s such a physical person when he’s comfortable with someone and Tess makes him feel so incredibly safe (and vice versa). They’re two people who love super strongly and haven’t really had...anywhere to put it or anywhere to express it healthily for a long time. Just the act of like...being that vulnerable with each other intensifies the emotions every time they have sex by ten fold. Even if they’re soft and giggly and it isn’t serious, there’s always an undertone of like...you’re the only person who gets to see me like this and I love you so much. They deserve to be a little sappy and cheesy okay! Also, yes they make love sometimes according to Tess when she needs that emotion and closeness. Which usually makes Daryl cringe at any other time but when Tess is looking at him with those pretty brown eyes and tugging him to their bedroom he makes an exception because she’s kinda right.

X = X-Ray 

UHH...for Tess (ph*t p**** queen) she’s usually Au Naturale which Daryl loves which is ironic because all of his experiences with sex were very influenced by porn and his stupid brother and all of these super toxic attitudes about what sex is. But most of said experiences were...awful and impersonal and made him feel like shit so he likes how just...real and emotional and beautiful she looks just Being Her without any stupid, awkward perfomativeness (pretty sure this is not a word but <3 you get me) to it like people he’s been with before. It makes her smell nice keeping it unshaved sooooo...

As for Daryl, he’s also...not a manscaper LMAO far from it...Tess doesn’t mind though. Uh...as for what he’s packing I don’t...look at him and think oh my god I know his dick is big I know it is (contrary to what every other person who writes him thinks). I just think he’s pretty thick but a little below average with a nice curve which makes Tess very happy.

O = Oral 

Daryl prefers giving more than receiving. He loves giving oral...so much and he’s damn good at it too because he’s not like...fussy about it and eats Tess out like she’s his last meal. Super messy too. There have been quite a few times where he’s finished himself off with his hand or rubbing himself against the bed while he eats her out.

 He’s got weird qualms about receiving due to past traumas and not wanting...Tess to feel like she has to do it? She’s very insistent that she very much wants to but never pushes it obviously. 

Tess has never really been with someone who enjoys giving that much (lmao both emotionally and in bed) so they kind of war a little bit on like...who takes care of who in a weird way? She eventually chills the fuck out and enjoys the ride though because Daryl so clearly enjoys it.

N = NO

They are...not kinky people and there are a lot of boundaries that they don’t mess with. Daryl has past sexual trauma and it takes awhile for him to even admit that to Tess? But she’s good at reading people and thankfully when Daryl like...gets even a little uncomfortable she stops and checks in. She really is like...his first long term relationship that has had a healthy sex life like that and it lets him open up a lot more. Tess has some trauma from being captures ~S4. Not sexual trauma but just...she doesn’t like being tied up/feeling like she’s trapped etc. 

Basically - no degradation (Daryl would lean into it too much and would let it feed into his bad self-worth and bad feelings towards sex), no hitting (even spanking, Tess wouldn’t mind it once in awhile but Daryl feels weird about it), no getting tied up (either of them) and no like...super weird stuff.

[secondchancesfic]

S.C: Chapter VI

Superhero!AU

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: Parental Analogical, Platonical Anxceit, unrequited love (LoganxDeceit). Sibling Roman and Remus 

Tags/Warnings: Anxiety, jealously, violence, explosions, villain!Roman,  Villain!Remus, blood, major character death (mention)

Words: 4198

-“Hey, Logan! Do you want to have some fun?” “No, I cannot compute it”- Gregory said mockingly, imitating Logan’s voice poorly. Remy laugh hysterically at the impersonation, he obviously didn’t know who the guy was or how he sounded but MAN, did Gregory made some very stupid voices.  

-Like… He really knows how to relax! He doesn’t need to get out of the office at all!- Gregory continue with a very exasperated tone in his voice.

-Sheesh, why do you even have a crush on him? Sounds like a very boring person, let alone super old- Remy gasped. –Like a grampa!-

-Now you made weird- Gregory flopped in the couch and hold a pillow.  

-I made it weird!? Bitch, it was weird all along, what are you talking about?- Remy sipped on a Starbucks plastic cup as he scrolled through his phone.

-I don’t know, I guess it’s just… He is really smart? And attentive? But…- Gregory groan. –This is so stupid…-

Remy hummed.

-Rem… I don’t feel so different…- He finally said.

Remy gulped. –Talking shit was the first step. The second step is meeting someoooone!!!- He said the last word in a singing tone.

He showed Gregory his phone, Remy was scrolling through his gallery. The photos were mostly selfies from Remy with other villains, everyone was using their complete uniforms. The villain stopped in one picture showing himself and a guy who was wearing a masquerade with white attire with golden trims.  

-Dude, this guy is super-hot! I gotta introduce you to The Prince- Remy said getting really excited.

-I don’t want to meet anyone, let alone another villain. All of them are assholes- Gregory said as he pushed Remy´s phone and sat properly.

-Except me!- Remy shouted

-Especially you- Gregory smirked.

Remy gasped offended and kept scrolling through his phone. –Ok, I gotta admit. He is a little self-centered. But my point is, you need to meet someone! This Logan guy wasn’t the only one coop up in that place, Greg. If you want to be with someone you have to go out there and show who’s boss.-

-Are we talking about dating or fighting someone?-

-You know what I mean-

-I really don’t-

-Come on! Why are you so adamant on meeting new people anyway? Excluding the villain factor- Remy asked curiously as he sip from his cup.

Gregory let out a huff and sink back in the couch -Have you seen me at all?- he said in a calm manner.

- What do you mean?- Remy was taken aback, his eyes still glued to the phone.

-Remy, I’m horrible. This fucking thing here- Gregory pointed to his scar. –People stare at it and get freak out. No one would want to date someone as hideous as me-

The villain was completely silent for once and looked directly at his friend. In all his time knowing Gregory, never did he imagine the hero would feel like that about himself. He never cared about his scar or what others thought. Or at least that’s the impression he gave.

-What are you talking about, Dee?! You aren’t hideous!-

-Totally believable …- Gregory hold himself, his bleached hair falling in his face.

-I’m serious, AND I’M NEVER THIS SERIOUS!- Remy shouted.

-That’s exactly why I don’t believe you…- He said as he grabbed the glass of water.

-Greg…- Remy was interrupted by Greg’s phone ringing.

He went to grab it and saw the number. Gregory answered the phone, Remy sat straight.

-Yes?- He continue listening, Remy watch carefully. –I’m on my way- Gregory stood up and started walking towards the exit, clicking his phone to end the call.

-Wow! Hey, where the hell are you going?- Remy stayed in the couch, while holding his cup.

-The “grampa” needs help- Remy snorted and sipped his drink. Gregory smirked.

-We’re going to catch The Duke and The Prince-

Remy choked on the tea and coughed before screaming. -WHAT!? NO! COME ON! THOSE ARE THE ONLY GUYS I ACTUALLY LIKE TO HANG OUT!-

-Sorry, Rem. It’s my job- Gregory started walking towards the exit when Remy hug him from behind and keep him tight.

-I’m not letting you! You are not brainwashing anyone!- He said in a half joke tone.

-LET ME GO, YOU DRAMA QUEEN!-

-No!- Remy wrap an arm around Gregory’s neck. –Time to sleep, dear Deceit!-

Remy placed a hand over his friend’s head but nothing happened.

-Brilliant as ever, Rem- Gregory grabbed Remy’s arm and twisted it into a lock, getting a whimper from the villain.

-ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! I GIVE UP!- Remy shout from the pain.

Gregory left him and step back, Remy hold his sore arm and move it carefully.

-Shit… When did you get strong?-

-I’ve been training-

-It shows…- Remy said annoyed and impressed.

Gregory looked at his friend. –Yeah…- He paused for a moment. –Sorry about the twisted arm-

-It’s… Fine… Go help your sugar daddy or something- Remy smirked.  

Gregory huffed mildly annoyed, then left the apartment leaving Remy alone. The villain sat back in his couch and grabbed his phone, scrolling through the photos. “He really needs to meet other people…” He then saw the picture of The Duke. “…Greg is gonna have a hell of a time with this one…”

  Logan, now Syllogism, was flying on top of the buildings. Well, more like floating, thanks to a pair of anti-gravitational boots he made to prove a point. Which was, you may ask? Who knows? Syllogism acted in an adrenaline and coffee rush after not sleeping 23 hours straight.

He was following the car closely and carefully, not wanting to make his presence known to avoid any kind of accident. The car was driving well enough, curiously not passing any stops or red lights. There were no police cars following them, probably no one catch a glimpse of the car before they made their escape. Weird, but it was better this way, less probabilities of someone getting hurt.

The car stopped at the front of an abandon building. It had a huge hole in one wall on the third floor only covered by a couple boards and all the windows were covered in fabric. The entrance was blocked with a huge piece of wood that looked rather heavy. The neighborhood was completely silent as if it was a ghost town, perfect to hide stolen goods without being notice. Syllogism float down to the roof from the building in front and watch both villains closely, he adjusted his glasses to zoom on both of them. They were bickering about something, one seemed angry while the other was giggling. When the villains enter the building, the hero took out his phone and contacted base again.

-Syllogism here, I’ve tracked down Prince and Duke to an abandoned building. Is back up coming?-

-I’m on my way - Gregory’s voice came in.

-Deceit, how long for you to arrive?-

-Not long. At least 10 minutes.-

-Alright, I’ll wait and guard-

-I’m on my way too!- Another voice came in.

-Virgil, no- Syllogism said from the other line.

-Why not?!-

-It’s too risky, they are unpredictable-

-So what?! I’ve fought unpredictable assholes before!-

-Virgil, I said no. Stay at home-

-No! I want to help! Why won’t you let me-?!-

-Mender- Syllogism’s voice was cold. He was mad –As your superior in command, you are not to come here. Understood?-

There was silence in the other line. –Understood?- He repeated.

-Fine…- The line then cut.

Syllogism sighted as he put away his phone. There was no way in hell he was going to put Virgil in danger like this. Crimson was bad enough, but this two… They were extremely unpredictable, let alone dangerous. There were no fatalities in any of the reports, damages, on the other hand, were their specialties. It was either luck or stupidity they didn’t killed anyone, but they sure left a lot of wounded or even paraplegic people.

10 minutes passed and Deceit arrived at the scene, floating next to Syllogism.

-I can see the prototype is working well- Syllogism commented.

-Yeah, although it takes a bit to stop floating- Deceit said as he walked near Logan to see the building. –Also, I’m pretty sure people would freak out if they saw a whoever flying around-

-Yes, I notice. I will make a camouflage modification after this- Syllogism said calmly.

-Don’t look so excited- Deceit said sarcastically. He looked at the building–Shall we?-

-Affirmative-

Both heroes float towards the open area in the third floor and enter without difficulties. There were stairs that could go up or down; since the villains seem to have stayed in the first floor, they decided to go as quiet as possible downstairs. Deceit was wondering about Logan’s date, he wanted to know the details, but now wasn’t the time. He was not compromising the mission just to feel even more jealous.

They went near the entrance to the first floor and stayed a few stairs up. There was no door or anything blocking entrance to the stairs, there used to be due to the screws and certain pieces on the floor. It was either pulled out by the villains or it was already like that. They listen to the pair arguing.

-Is that what you are spending our money?! Explosives?! Where do you even get this shit!?- The villain in the white attire said. His masquerade was off, set aside in a desk that looked decent enough.  

-Would you relax?! It was for a good cause!- Exclaim the other man, his masquerade was off as well, showing a mustache and a wicked smile, his eyes were full of bags due to the lack of sleep.

-What cause?! I told you to stop exploding things left and right!-

-You said you wanted our names known! What, now I can’t make you a favor?!-

-Where’s the class on doing senseless destruction, Remus? It has to be with style!-

-My style is messy, brother! You should know that by now!- Remus crossed his arms pouting. –I don’t understand what the big deal is…-

The other villain sighed exasperated. –At least… At least tell me next time… It…It kind of scared me ok?!-  

Remus gasped. –The great Roman!? Scared?! Now that IS not your look at all!-

-I know, I know. It surprised me as well. I was just worried you would blew up the bounty! Everything could have gone to hell-

Remus uncrossed his arms and sighed dramatically. –I’m sorry, Roman. I’ll tell you next time when I’m planning on bringing havoc- He booped his brother’s nose and went to sit on his dirty stained bean bag, it made a weird squishy wet sound which made the man sigh with delight.

Roman made a disgusted face. –You know…? With all the money, you could buy yourself a new… thing…-

Remus spread his arms in the bean bag and wiggled. –Nope! I like it this way! It has my natural sent-

Roman looked disgusted but let his brother be. He went towards the desk and grabbed a bag of money, he sat down and started counting it. Syllogism went down a couple steps to have a view of the pair of villains, Deceit was behind him trying to take a look as well. They manage to take a look at the villain who they assumed was Remus laid down in a very uncomfortable way, he was looking through his phone and laughing. The other villain, Roman, was calmly looking at the money. Syllogism and Deceit started to go down, Deceit took out a smoke bomb from his pocket. The click was so quiet they didn’t thought anyone else could hear it.

Remus jumped from his bean bag -Roman… Roman, put your mask on-.

-What? - Roman stopped counting. The heroes stayed in their place trying to kept as much silence as they could.

Remus hold his mask and wore it. – PUT YOUR MASK NOW!-

Roman sighed, standing up from his sit and going towards his brother who was really nervous. –Remus, come on. There’s no one else here, relax.-

-I know I heard something - Remus said keeping his eyes locked on the doorway towards the stairs.

-Yes, like the other times you heard something and turn out to be nothing. Go back to your bean bag and try to rest-

-HEY! WHO IS IN THERE?! I KNOW YOU ARE HERE- Remus ignored what his brother said and started screaming.

Deceit was going to throw the smoke bomb but Syllogism rush him upstairs, they went slow and soundless until Remus started walking towards the doorway. The footsteps became louder as both heroes scramble to the second floor.

-AHA! I TOLD YOU SOMEONE WAS HERE!- Remus ran towards the stairs.

Roman grabbed his mask surprised and rush towards his brother. Both villains went to the second floor and saw no one there. It wasn’t even separated into departments, it was just a really big empty space no one would be able to hide. Then more footsteps were heard in the third floor, Remus smirked maliciously.

-They have nowhere to run…- Remus ran after the sound. Roman followed back.

-It’s probably just some teenagers, why are you rushing?- Roman said. –We can easily kick them out-

-If they are the same teenagers, I will make them eat their own intestines!- Remus laughed.

-No, you’re not…- Roman said as he walked behind his brother.  

The villains went to the last floor, there was a big hole in a wall looking at the street and a couple woods were on the ground. Both villains cautiously stepped inside, looking everywhere. When they were away from the doorstep, a couple gadgets rolled towards the entrance and made an electric net. The buzzing sound made the villains jump in surprise.

-Good evening- Syllogism presented himself, he had used his technology to turn invisible, and reappearing once he got the attention of the villains. They looked at him more annoyed than surprised.

-I am Syllogism, I came here to take you in custody-

The villains looked at each other and burst into laughter. Syllogism looked at the pair with a stoic expression.

-THAT’S THE BEST JOKE I’VE HEARD TODAY!- The Duke practically shouted between laughs.

-Indeed! May I ask, dear Sir Nerd-

-That’s not my name…- Syllogism was interrupted

-What makes you think you can arrest us?- The Prince said as he walked towards the net, hold it and absorb the electricity from it charging the energy in his hand.  

-…Fascinating- Syllogism stared amazed by the powers of the villain.

The Prince throw the ball of energy towards the hero, Syllogism manage to avoid it by an inch. Deceit came out of the shadows and went to touch both villains but they moved fast. The Duke grabbed Deceit’s arm and throw him to the wall, breaking the woods in the process.

-Deceit!- Syllogism shouted as he tried to get closed but The Prince stood between him and Deceit.

-Hey, Duke. Do you want to keep this trash?- The Prince said as he charge more electricity in his hands

The Duke hummed loudly as he got close to Deceit and stepped on his back.- Nah! I’m learning to have higher standards. This…?- He said as he kicked Deceit in the face. -…It’s not exactly the best trash-

Syllogism was horrified but maintain composure, when The Prince was distracted he hold on to him and dropped him to the ground. The hero then grabbed a gadget and throw it at the other villain, it stick to him and gave him a shock. It only made The Duke burst into a fit of laughter, he stopped stepping on Deceit to look at Syllogism.

-Wow! KINKY! Do you have any more of those?!- He said suggestively, getting a groan from his brother and a confused looked from the hero. Deceit grabbed the feet of The Duke and nullified the villain’s powers, then stood up and hit The Duke in the face.

-You shouldn’t get distracted- Deceit said, mouth covered in blood.

The Duke looked at Deceit and smiled widely, blood was coming from his lip.

-Well, well, well! Looks like you aren’t such a wet noodle after all!-

The Duke and Deceit fought while The Prince fought against Syllogism. Syllogism was avoiding each hit, trying to study the movements and how the charging works looking everywhere for a way to contain him. The Prince manage to hit him with an electrified punch in the stomach, the waves of electricity went through his body filling him with a horrible pain. Deceit was defending himself from the punches and kicks from the aggressive villain when he notice Syllogism stumbling, The Prince kept punching and making him go towards the hole in the wall. Deceit punch and throw The Duke to the ground and ran towards Syllogism but the villain grabbed his feet and he fell, then he placed himself on top of him.

-Awww… What’s the matter? Are you tired of playing with me?- The Duke said in a sickly and mischievous manner. –Why don’t you relax and see the spectacle?-

The Duke grabbed Deceit’s hat, putting it on while pulling the hero’s hair so he could watch his comrade being beaten. Deceit didn’t know what to do at that moment, he wiggled and tried to move but the villain was holding him down.

Syllogism was still stunned, trying to compose himself and to not fall back. The Prince kicked him really hard but not enough to send him flying out. Syllogism was getting irritated, especially with the laughter of the villain.

-And I thought heroes were supposed to be strong! First that emo nightmare and now a magician and a nerd!-

Syllogism looked up, eyes locked on the villain. Emo nightmare?

The Duke laughed. –Oh, yeah! He played all tough, until I spooked him! He was such a crybaby- The Duke made a crying motion with his hands.

Syllogism manage to stand up, maintaining enough equilibrium so he didn’t fall.

-Which hero…?- He asked quietly, The Prince catch what he said.

–Why?- the villain said between laughs.

-Tell me… Which…?- Syllogism tried to maintain composure and balance, he was in so much pain but the anger was bubbling up.

-I don’t know? I’m good at describing though. Let’s see… he had purple hair, he was really weak and pretty stupid for trying to stop us. It was fun looking at him crumble after shocking him!- Both villains started to laugh.

Syllogism was angry, how dare they hurt his son? How dare them!? The pain he felt was dissipating, now pure anger was his motor, he took a couple steps towards the villain. The Prince looked surprised and went to shock the hero again, Syllogism grabbed the villains arm and twisted into a lock.

-HEY!- the villain screamed.

-You and him are coming with us right this instant- Syllogism said in a cold tone.

The Duke looked surprised and went to stand up to help his brother, Deceit took the opportunity to hold the villain down. He then pulled a pair of handcuffs and placed them in his hands. The villain started to scream and to try to stand up, The Prince took notice and charge his energy around his body making Syllogism took his hands off of him.

-Alright, it was fun but now you two need to leave- The Prince charge his hands and went to punch Syllogism who protected himself using his arms.

The electricity burned his arms and with each hit he was taking another step back. He tried to think of what to do, he was still pretty dizzy from the beat down. Deceit was screaming his name while still holding the angry villain down, but Syllogism couldn’t make up what else he was saying. He was in a daze. The Prince was ready to kick the hero out of the building, so in a rush of pure adrenaline, Syllogism grabbed the villain’s leg and throw The Prince behind him. The hero dropped to the ground and laid there trying to make sense of all the noise around him.

The sound of screams and a car alarm filled the atmosphere. Syllogism started to hear clearly what the yelling was about, it wasn’t Deceit as he thought. The Duke was shouting frantically and choking on his own words. Was he crying?

-YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD! I WILL KILL YOU ALL! I WILL MAKE SURE YOU TWO ARE FUCKING DEAD!- That was what The Duke was repeating.

Syllogism manage to stand up, still confused by what was going on. He looked at Deceit who was still holding The Duke down and looking horrified at the wall. The older hero looked behind him and saw the empty place and the hole was now well open, pieces of wood were on the ground. He walked towards the wall and looked outside. His mind was filled with horror.

The Prince’s body was over the car, the alarm was still going off not stopping any time soon.

-What have I done…?- He thought to himself. –Focus. You still have to take care of the other villain-

-Deceit, get him down. I’ll… I’ll take care of… the other one…- He wasn’t sure he wanted to get close. What could he do? The Prince was dead, not even Virgil could do something for him. It was the first time Syllogism ever made this kind of mistake, a regretful, horrifying mistake.

Deceit only nodded and stood up while grabbing the villain, who was wiggling and kicking the air angry and heartbroken.

-I’M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL! YOU’LL SEE!! I WILL MAKE SURE YOUR FACES ARE CRUSHED INTO STONE! I WILL DISMEMBER YOUR BODIES AND FEED THEM TO THE RATS!- He kept screaming while crying, his eyes were filled with anger but deep inside Remus was crushed. His brother, his role model, his partner in crime was gone. Roman was gone. His only family, his dear brother was gone, and it was the heroes’ fault.

Deceit manage to dragged him down the stairs as best as he could, being careful on not to drop him by accident. They didn’t need another dead person.

Syllogism float down slowly, he really didn’t want to get close. Why did he do that? What was he supposed to do? He took out his communicator while floating down.

-B-base… This is Syllogism- He said shakily, going down felt like hours.

-Syllogism, what’s the status on The Prince and The Duke?- Dot’s voice came in.

-I-…The Duke is… secured…- The hero stuttered.

-Syllogism? What’s going on? What happened?- Dot sounded concern.

-Dot… I- I killed The Prince…- The hero said.

He finally got to the ground and got close to the body.

-Oh… Oh no… Lo- Syllogism… There will be back up. I can send Mender to- She was interrupted.

-God no… Don’t-Don’t bring him here… Th-there’s nothing he can do- He inspected the body, blood was coming from the mouth and the head. The Prince wasn’t moving at all, but he was breathing, slow and hardly doing so but still breathing.

-DOT! SEND BACK UP! The Prince IS STILL ALIVE BUT BARELY!- Syllogism said yelling.

-O-OH! ALRIGHT! I’LL SEND MENDER AS WELL!- Dot yelled back in a panic.

-I’m here, no need to call- Mender came floating. Of course he had disobeyed.

Syllogism watch as his son came closer to The Prince.

-Holy shit, he is really fucked- Mender said as he got close, not wasting more time he placed a hand on The Prince’s arm, starting the healing process.

-Vir- Mender…- He got interrupted by a loud thump in the building. Both heroes look towards the building. Syllogism then looked at his son.

-Go check, I’ll take care of this- Mender said, blood had stopped coming from The Prince’s wound.

Syllogism wanted to tell his son something, but it had to wait. –Don’t overuse your powers, Mender- He said as he went inside the building.

He found Deceit stunned holding his head and kneeling in the ground, a pair of handcuffs were on the ground. The Duke had escaped.

-Fuck…- Deceit said. –I’m sorry Logan…- he said really embarrassed

-It’s alright, Dee. We’ll catch him sooner or later. Now we need to focus on The Prince-

Deceit look up shocked. Both heroes went outside the building to reunite with Mender.

 Remus ran to the backyard of the building, he ran and didn’t look back. His eyes were filled with tears. He ran and ran, until he got into a well-lit building and hide in the dark alleyway. He clench his fists until the knuckles turned white, then dropped to his knees and started hitting the ground furiously. Remus chocked the words he wanted to yell, he wanted to scream but he didn’t want to draw attention to himself. He felt miserable, so miserable. More miserable than he ever did back at their home.

Footsteps alarmed the villain, making him look up angrily. He would take his anger on whoever was coming towards him.

-Oh my goodness…Remus?- A chirpy voice sounded

Remus froze in his place

-Long time no see!-

__________________________________________________________

Holy crap! I havent upload for a while. Life went like crazy last months. Anyway, here ya go! I will try to make it more often. Sorry for the wait. 

Prologue/ CH 1/ CH 2 / CH 3 / CH 4 / CH 5 / CH 6 / CH 7

TAG LIST:

@thatweriddoodlingllama @kaimariethebi @potato–justpotato @enderperson43

[smokedstorybara]

I’m compiling a list of all my wips w/ summaries here to remind myself what all I should be working on and keep myself accountable - and if y’all wanna yell at me about them please do

(Also be warned there will be some spoilers in here cause I suck at non spoiler-y summaries)

Fanfics:

Dear Evan Hansen:

(Apprentice) Park Ranger Handsome part 16 (doesn’t even have a name yet I’m so sorry)

Evan and Connor’s first date!! They go to the orchard of course, and have more relationship conversation... and a picnic.

Fae Court AU

Prince Connor of the Winter Court falls in love with a human boy and acts on it, despite his parents having Rules against relationships with humans. The consequences are big but Connor and Evan weather them well.

Flash:

Soulmate AU (I’m thinking ��Dream A Little Dream Of Me’ for series title)

A series of one-shots following the Arrowverse characters - with a bit of a focus on Team Flash and the Legends - as they find love and happiness , with some bumps along the way, in a world where you share dreams with your soulmate. Timeline is spread out from Stein and Clarissa’s first meeting to some point around mid canon.

endgame ships include Barry/Len, Hartley/Cisco, Wally/Jax, Sara/Ava, Nate/Ollie/Felicity/Lisa(it’ll make sense I promise), Iris/Caitlin/Shawna, and more

Role-reversal AU

In a world where Barry was kept strictly away from the file on his mother’s murder after he becomes a CSI he grows resentful and distrusting of law-enforcement and a little quicker to recognize that he can’t entirely fix the issues with the police from the inside. So when he wakes from a nine month coma with super speed his first thought is how much he can shove the police’s faces in the fact that the system isn’t perfect and needs to change... he becomes the world’s fastest thief - unbeatable. At least until he goes after a certain diamond at the same time as one Leonard Snart, who walks away from the encounter looking to the world like a hero and gets a sweet taste of positive press that he’s not all that eager to give up.

Harry Potter crossover

Snart and Rory go “backpacking across Europe” on a ridiculous challenge to steal one thing in each country. Their last stop is in England and they’ve set their sights on a suburb in Surrey... which leads them to noticing the treatment of the young nephew of their potential target. Being survivors of abuse themselves they decide to remove him from that environment... along with all of Vernon Dursley’s valuables. Raising a kid is hard, raising a magical kid while maintaining positions as master thieves? ...piece of cake...

Check Please:

Moving On

When Jack and Bitty go through a messy breakup their friends are torn and Bitty is uncertain about what to do, especially when he has to go back to Georgia - where he’s firmly in the closet - for summer break. He can’t talk to his family or his friends about all his conflicting feelings about what happened, so he somehow finds himself corresponding with the one person who he knows would understand - Jack’s other ex, Kent Parson. He also finds himself growing closer to the previous year’s freshmen on his college hockey team and the team’s new manager - especially when summer ends and they’re all handling the situation better than the rest of his friends - ie: behaving like nothing happened except that they’re immediately down to fight Jack at a moment’s notice.

The Umbrella Academy:

Ghost Dave (that’s what it’s called in my google docs but it’s definitely not gonna be the title of the final product)

Dave Katz has been haunting the surviving members of his unit for a couple decades when the story about the 43 women comes on the news; a story Dave had heard plenty about before he died from his lover, Klaus Hargreeves. In whose tellings of it he was one of the children born that day. He also had claimed a few times to be from the future so Dave was fairly willing to take this as proof he was telling the truth. Immediately Dave seeks out Reginald Hargreeves and the 7 of the children he adopted. Over the next 29 years Dave follows the young Klaus around, giving him advice and unconditional friendship and protection from the other ghosts the poor kid could see.

Circle Of Magic crossover

When Tris finds herself dropping out of some kind of portal in a strange land it doesn’t take her long to figure out that some mage had decided to get rid of her - and possibly her siblings - by banishing her to another world, one with advanced technology but not much by way of magic - if one didn’t count the six super-powered siblings she appeared in the middle of. At the same time, but also not, Tris’s adopted sister Sandry wound up smack dab in the center of a group calling themself The Commission who’re very interested in adding her to their ranks, she joins up but maintains suspicion. Daja, the third sister, follows a pair of assassins. And their one brother, Briar, falls into the Vietnam War alongside one freshly tortured Klaus Hargreeves. They all find their way back together eventually - with much fewer casualties than if they hadn’t been there

Harry Potter crossover 1

When an eighteen-year-old Klaus Hargreeves gets bored of being lookout on a mission in London and wanders into the bar across the street he isn’t expecting to find a best friend, but that’s exactly what happens. Lily Evans is a couple months into a break-up and still tired of her ex and his idiocy, especially after his most recent letter - a pile of stupid big enough to send her straight to her local bar. The two hit it off instantly via complaining about anything and everything and egging each other into doing the most ridiculous but fun things. Their night of fun turns sour when Klaus finds out his brother Ben died during the mission and at least one of his siblings blame him. Lily takes the broken boy back to her flat and let’s him stay with her until his visa to stay in England runs out. Thirteen years later the apocalypse is interrupted by a tired ex-professor bringing life changing news - Lily was pregnant when Klaus left England(they’d slept together a handful of times but were never more than friends with benefits), also Lily and her husband(the idiot ex who apologized and changed his behavior, Klaus was at their wedding) are dead and Klaus and Lily’s son was placed with his aunt Petunia(who Klaus has met and knows the boy never should’ve been put with) because only five people besides Lily and James knew who Harry’s father really was and the only one capable of doing anything about it had to find the wandering junkie first. Klaus handles all this about as well as a powerful veteran with a traumatic childhood can - fighting tooth and nail for custody and then raising the boy the best he can with help from his siblings and robot mom and shoving his son’s happiness and safety in the faces of everyone who did the boy wrong

Harry Potter crossover 2

Not long after the war ends Harry finds that he can’t stand staying in magical Britain any longer, so he takes his godson and moves to America. Six years later one of the kids who live across the street sneaks out his window, wearing only pjs despite the heavy snow. Harry finds himself staying up waiting for the boy to return to their street and making some hot cocoa - which he offers to the boy as soon as he sees him. It quickly becomes a Thing(tm); Klaus will sneak out his window in the middle of the night, go for a walk, and eventually wind up having hot cocoa in Harry’s kitchen. They form a strange friendship, one where Klaus has someone he knows he can go to when everything becomes too much - even if that means crawling through Harry’s window, collapsing on his floor in tears, and falling asleep on his couch, waking up just in time to get home before his absence is noticed. Three more years have passed when Harry and Teddy are idly watching tv and Harry sees a very familiar face as Reginald Hargreeves introduces ‘the inaugural class of the Umbrella Academy.’ When Klaus comes over that night Harry asks how much choice Hargreeves gave him and his siblings in their ‘heroics’. After some thought Klaus remembers how his brother Ben hadn’t wanted anything to do with what happened at the bank but was made to participate anyway. He answers honestly: they weren’t really given any. Thus begins Harry’s campaign to get custody for the kids from Hargreeves.

Original Works:

Four Elements Universe(a collection of stories set along one timeline - very far apart and with no overarching plot, just a shared world):

Sisa:

A secluded young king sneaks out of his castle and gets a job under a false identity in hope for friendship, then gives everything up to help his new friends and the rest of his people when he realizes the extent of his adviser’s corruption. Around the same time, a teenage master thief is hired to steal a specific box from the castle - and then to help another thief break her friend out of the castle dungeon - and uncovers several major secrets that might just change the fate of the kingdom.

Kings:

Bandit King Vakhtang’s life is irrevocably changed when he agrees to lend his men to a rebellion for a hefty amount of gold. Over time he finds himself growing fond of the boy prophesied to be the next king and learning just as much from his new employer about letting himself care and open up as he’s teaching the boy how to protect himself. (His best friend and lover is very proud of this growth and kinda wants to adopt the kid)

The Completely Unrelated Adventures Of Four People Who Had Nothing To Do With Each Other Beforehand:

Four teenagers in rural Texas follow a cipher they found in an old tome and discover that all four of them have magical abilities, and that their town may not be as average as they’d believed. As they delve deeper in this new world they uncover two different secret organizations and find themselves caught in the middle of a dangerous conflict over a powerful artifact - that may or may not be the kid sister of one of them.

Mythicals:

Six kids around the world each find objects - artifacts - that grant them magical transformations and abilities. Seven years later all six of them end up at the same prestigious performing arts school in New York. When they discover that they all have these artifacts and powers - and that New York and possibly the world is in danger - they team up to protect everyone else, and quickly become close friends. Though one of them has a secret that could drastically change how the others view them... and possibly risk the fate of the human race.

Eternity And Forever(this one does have an overarching plot):

Eternity Of Forever:

Back in the early years of humanity a young man goes up a mountain for his Trials of Adulthood - a series of three trials set to test a person on the traits of whichever three gods they’ve been assigned to serve - unfortunately for this boy he’s been chosen for the gods of empathy, loyalty, and love... three traits that do not come easily to him. In his desperation to pass his trials he cheats the system and gets caught. As punishment he’s cursed to live forever just on the cusp of adulthood but never reaching it, the only way to break his curse is to prove - with no possibility of dishonesty - that he’s capable of the three traits. Over the next few millennia he gets caught up in a war for the fate of all life on earth, and also somewhat adopts a maybe-alien and falls in love with a time traveler.

Throughout Eternity:

At some unknown point in the future all that’s left of the human race is a refugee colony on an island floating above the desolate remains of our planet. It’s into this that Quinton is born. But when it’s discovered that he can travel through time with just a thought he’s trained for a very important mission: to go back in time and stop the apocalypse. Shortly into his mission he meets an immortal teenager who claims to have met Quinton’s future self and who offers to help, telling him that first thing he should do is gather a team to help him - he even provides names and years. This little team becomes like a second family to Quinton, especially the pretend-aloof immortal.

Forever And After:

After the death of the closest thing he ever had to a father, Slythus finds himself applying to the superhero school the immortal had founded - despite knowing that even if he were accepted into the student body he’d never be accepted by the student body. Somehow he manages to get in... and even more impossible; manages to make friends. But even as he learns how to be good, his past is lurking on the edges of his new life and quickly becoming impossible to ignore - figuratively and literally.

Shadow Warriors:

After the dragon Svartr gets cursed protecting a village from invaders they offer their children to be trained by him - to take care of him as his condition worsens. Those selected and taught by him become known as the Shadow Warriors. Alexir was born several generations after the tradition began of sending every twelve-year-old up Svartr’s mountain for the selection and she never expected to be chosen, being much more focused on intellectual growth than physical, so when it happens it comes as a bit of a shock. She struggles to keep up with her peers in most of the lessons but refuses to give in, pushing herself to reach their level while also learning the complexities of friendship from them all.

Consequences(originally titled ‘Consequences of War’ until I realized it’s more about just consequences for actions in general - like: don’t piss off the powerful magical Being hiding out in the abandoned building):

After deliberately pissing off what they believed to be a ghost - or a false rumor more likely - a college aged idiot ends up being banished into a strange world... with a distinct change in biology(mostly in the area of hormones and primary sex characteristics). As they travel this new world in search of a way home - and back into their original form - they learn new things about themself and make interesting new friends. They find themself questioning whether they actually want their ‘old body’ back and then, when they begin to fall in love, whether they really want to return to their old world.

[toukaisbetterthanyou]

Original Sin (Chapter 3 of ?)

(AO3)/ Chapter One/ Chapter Two

Authors: Mod A (tanagers) and Mod K (fangirlingforeverz)

Rating: NC-17/NSFW (Warnings: Unhealthy relationship dynamics. Black Reaper Ken being himself).

Word Count: 5,534 words.

Notes: The third chapter is completed at long last! (Black Reaper AU, Canon divergence).

--

Touka takes several days off from working at Re:, citing to Yomo that she wanted to take some time to relax and use that vacation fund she had been saving up to pamper herself. In reality, she had no plans, she secretly snuck in a few pounds of decaf coffee and locked herself in her room to sleep away the numerous emotions she was feeling inside.

He has not reached out to her, not even with a simple text. Not that he should -- she had made her feelings clear, no matter how much it hurt and if anything, she should be happy, glad that he was heeding her warnings and staying away from her.

But -- her heart is in pieces.

She had engaged in those trysts because of her inability to let go of the past, a product of her own hypocrisy, when she had promised herself that she would stay away from him and let him live the good life he deserved.

In the end, she was just a hypocrite.

God, she wanted to call him. She stares at his contact information on her phone, her finger hovering over the call button. She almost presses it numerous times. Frustrated, she places her phone back onto the dresser and sits herself up on her bed, raking her fingers through her messy hair.

She can’t live like this, it had been a week. Re: was getting busier with the colder weather, Yomo was starting to get concerned, just how long did she think she would be able to hide this from him? She already had a feeling that Nishiki knew and that was bad enough.

Touka is absolutely drained. She had to be about a month along and the child inside of her was already sucking out most of her strength. She had a lot of trouble walking for long periods of time these days, and any kind of food made her feel sick to her stomach, even though she craved it. Maybe she needed human food? The very idea makes her somewhat nauseous. God, she didn’t want any of that disgusting shit, but the baby inside of her seems to be crying out for it. Maybe what she was eating wasn’t enough nutrients? Sighing, she grudgingly sends Nishiki a text. Oi, shit head, it reads. Luckily, it doesn’t take him all that long to respond. What do you want, harpy?

I need human food, she writes. Please don’t ask me why.

She’s lucky in that he doesn’t. There’s a pause in the text messages before he responds to her replying that he would drop it off after his shift ended. Touka sighs in relief. He may be an arrogant shit head, but Nishiki had always come through in the end.

Her stomach gurgles painfully, and she clutches it, curling on her bed in pain. “Be patient,” she says, rubbing it and winces. “I’ll get you some food soon, I promise.”

--

Nishiki shows up to her apartment two hours later, holding a two burgers and french fries. Her mouth curls as she sees it, and takes it from him with a deep sigh. He lets himself in, much to her annoyance.

“You can go home now,” she complains. “Why would I do that when my manager looks like such shit?” He asks, then his tone and eyes soften. “You could barely make it to the door when I came. Are you alright?” “Fine,” she lies, before taking a seat. “I’m -- just fine. You don’t need to worry, okay?” “Let me ease my own conscious, then,” he says, running his fingers through his hair. He had such a gruff way of speaking, even though he cared. She smiles. He would have made a good older brother. Then again, he already was in a way, wasn’t he? Neither of them expect the doorbell to ring.

She puts the styrofoam container down on her dining table and opens the door to see Ken standing there, coat on his arm and eyes narrowing when he sees Nishiki sitting on her couch like he was way too comfortable there.

“What are you doing here?” She exclaims, shoving him out and trying to close the door behind her. She did not want to deal with him when she was feeling this sick. Especially not when seeing him made her so unpredictable.

His lips pull up in a cold smile. “Ah, I see, so that’s why you’ve been so distant. Found someone else?” He reaches behind her to turn the knob and let himself in. She follows him in, in horror.

“W-Wait --” “Nishiki-senpai,” Ken greets smoothly, “I wonder what Kimi-san would be thinking if she knew you were here with Touka after abandoning her.”

Nishiki looks like he wants to laugh hysterically. So Kaneki finally grew a backbone and it was all over the harpy. Because he thought she was fucking around with him. How disgusting.

Nishiki almost doubles over in laughter. “What!?!” He guffaws. “You think that I’m fucking Touka?” Touka also has to hold back snorts at the absurdity of it all. Kaneki was in her apartment -- fighting with Nishiki over her. What in the hell was happening? Had she fallen into some strange drama show? Were there camera hidden in her apartment?

“Isn’t that what this is?” Ken asks, voice brimming with anger. She had never seen him sound so affected before. Usually he was picture of perfect calm and indifference. “I never would have expected something like this from the two of you --” He was advancing upon Nishiki, who stood his ground and glared at him. “Can you stop jumping to conclusions for five seconds?” Touka demands, shoving him away. Ken moves her to the side as though she hadn’t done anything, and stands in front of Nishiki. He was the same height as the man now and they both glare at each other. “Am I?” Ken asks quietly. “Am I really jumping to conclusions, Nishiki-senpai?” “You are,” Nishiki grits out, “But even if you weren’t. Does the king of fakes really have any right over her life? You’re the one who remembered and refused to come back, Investigator.”

Touka sees Ken swing -- and is still sluggish from the baby and can’t intercept the blow. Nishiki crashes into her coffee table.

“You fucking --” “Stop it!” Touka screams. “You assholes are not going to fight in my goddamn apartment!” She grabs Ken by the collar. “Are you out of your fucking minds?!”

She feels so sick, hardly able to hold herself up. “What the hell’s the matter with you?!”

He’s seething, gripping her wrists and pulling her off. Nishiki stands up, looking ready to lunge on him but Touka stops that with a weak splay of her fingers on his chest. “Stop it,” Her eyes flicker back to Ken’s. “Can we talk, because I have to tell you something important.” Nishiki looks ready to murder him and Ken doesn’t back down until Touka places her hands on his chest, “Please.” “Nishiki, go home, I’ll talk to you later.” She stares at him until she wears him down. He slips his shoes back on and slams the door in his exit. Once they’re alone, she turns to Ken with an angry look. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” She couldn’t believe that he would show up to her apartment to fight Nishiki of all people. “You could have called me --” “You told me to leave,” He answers sharply. “It was obvious that you didn’t want me here, I just came to check up on you because you weren’t at Re.” So he had been checking on her. He was keeping tabs on her. “I acted rashly,” She admits, “I shouldn’t have hit you -- I was overwhelmed I haven’t been feeling well recently.”

He walks over to her dining table, lifting the cover of the takeaway container and confusedly looking over at her when he sees the food.

Why in the world would she have that? Touka looks uncharacteristically anxious as she squeezes her hands together, breathing in a deep sigh.

Where did she even begin? She never thought that she would be in a situation like this. First, she had never imagined that she’d ever get pregnant. Hell, she hadn’t even thought that she would live as long as she had. She had no kind of road map for what a relationship looked like, but she wasn’t naive enough to think that her dynamic with Kaneki resembled anything close.

How had her mother told her father about her pregnancy?

“Kirishima?” Ken asks and she’s startled from her thoughts. Then, she sees him holding the burger in his gloved hands. “Why do you have this?”

“I’m getting to that,” she mutters, bordering on the edge of panic. “I -- I need to tell you something,” her mouth suddenly feels rather dry. She had never been prone to much anxiety, but somehow, it feels as though the walls are beginning to close in on her as she looks at him.

He looks concerned, but it brings her no comfort. Could she really -- bring a child into this?

She didn’t have the strength to say no to him, at least not for long, and he had no interest in making anything permanent between them. There wasn’t love between them. Or if it was, it was just a twisted, gnarled version of it. “What is it?”

Touka sits, grateful that her couch hadn’t been ruined in Ken and Nishiki’s dispute. She didn’t think she’d be able to stand for this. She can’t even meet his eyes.

“I --,” she licks her lips. He’s looking at her expectantly now.

“I was scared,” she finds herself saying, “What we have -- it’s not -- it doesn’t feel real.”

What am I saying?!

“I want something more,” Touka admits, “I don’t want -- just this -- just using each other like we have been.”

Why am I saying this?

Kens brow furls, “We haven’t been using each other.”

“Don’t play dumb, Sasaki-san,” she retorts, bitter. She sees him flinch from the use of that name, but she refused to call him Kaneki when he insisted on keeping up with this charade. This isn’t what she had meant to tell him, but she can’t even imagine what his reaction would be to a child. It was better if he didn’t know, right? He was a mess. An absolute mess, and there was no way that she could trust him with this secret in good conscious. At least not yet. His body is stiff, as though filled with tension -- or was it anger? It was difficult to tell with him these days.

“Why does what we have need to be complicated?” He asks and really, she wants to laugh. Of course. She was nothing but a complication to him. I can’t tell him.

But she doesn’t laugh even though it feels as though the life was sapped out of her from his answer and reaching the epiphany that she had. There was just no way she could tell him the other half of the truth.

“It’s not complicated to me,” She answers. “We want different things -- and that’s fine. I’d rather not be a part of something that I don’t see a future in.”

The words are bitter as they leave her lips because that was definitely not the case. A future -- god, who even knew about that? She didn’t even know what day some dove manages to crack down on her identity and hunt her down to Re:.

A baby, who even knew if it would live.

And although she wanted there to be a future possible, for all three of them, Touka knew that it was far more complicated than her childish desires.

Kaneki is silent, watching her closely as if to find what she was trying to hide. When he looks down at the styrofoam container he realizes that she had not answered the question at all. “As for the food -- I don’t know, I was walking by some deli and it looked good. So I bought it, Nishiki and I dare each other to eat human food sometimes.”

Another lie, but it wasn’t like he knew.

Touka sighs, deeply, releasing all the energy inside of her out with one exhale. “I think that, maybe, we should keep some space between us.” It was the only way she could keep some of her heart left in tact. But as usual, he is very resistant to the idea. Looking at her with the same stubborn glint -- like a menacing child, bent on getting what he wanted.

“We can be more, if that’s what you want --” “It’s not just about me,” She snaps. “It can’t -- always be about me. A relationship isn’t just about one person. If you can’t commit to it, it’s fine. We want different things and that’s okay. But I can’t keep telling myself that I’m just okay with whatever this is.”

Especially with this child.

He looks stumped, eyes lingering on her carpet, “Then what do you want me to say?”

“Nothing.” She answers, “I don’t need you to say anything. I just think we need to go our own ways.”

--

The moment that Ken returns to his flat and getsthrough his front door, he only manages to lock it before kicking the coffee table across the room. Listening to it break apart with a clatter is satisfying, but not enough to put his mind to ease.

His head bounds, teeth digging into the cigarette loosely hanging from his lips as he recalls her last words to him.

How could she say that so casually?! How could she tell him -- tell him -- that they should end things, when he had just gotten her back?

He was even willing to give the relationship a try-- Why couldn't she just understand?

He knocks one of the shelves down and kicks the compartments off of its hinges.

By now the maintenance desk downstairs had probably called the police from all of the noise that he was making. Not that he cared. He would almost welcome the opportunity for a fight right now.

By the time that he’s finally calmed, his flat is entirely trashed.

It didn’t matter. None of this would matter in a few more months. Not even her.

--

So that was that.

Her fight with Ken  had been almost two weeks ago and in that time, he had not tried to reach out to her. Giving her the promised space that she wanted, to salvage pieces of herself and figure out what she wanted to do.

The baby -- was very complicated to deal with. There were no ghoul doctors and it seemed no matter what she ate, whether it was meat or human food, she would just throw it all back up again. Her health was getting worrying, so much so, that Nishiki corners her into the break room with a serious downturn of his lips.

“It’s killing you, you look like a walking skeleton.”

Her brows furl, lips snarling back to fire back some devastating insult but he wasn’t finished yet.

“Why the hell are you trying to keep this kid?” He asks. “I thought you wanted to try and keep him out of your life.”

“It’s none of your business,” she hisses, curling her hand around her belly protectively. God, it was like everyone was against her these days. Even Nishiki wanted her to get rid of this child. Nishiki raises an eyebrow at her, crossing his arms, “Not my business?” He demands.

“I thought that everyone at re: was a team,” he reminds her. “Or did you forget that the moment that he walked back into your life?” That stung.

When she had first created re: she had wanted to continue anteiku’s legacy -- to create a place where ghouls could support one another, where she could help weaker ghouls, like the old man had. She had also wanted to create a place where he could return to, if he was still alive. Nishiki had returned to help with both of those goals, and they had become close friends along the way. Was he really accusing her of turning her back on all of that?

Her breath hitches, as she feels hot rage begin to fill her up. How dare he? “What do you know about it?” “I know that you’d let yourself be killed for his child,” Nishiki says firmly, “Just like you’d let him keep taking pieces of you if it means that he’d throw you even a scrap of affection. When are you going to stop doing this? Do you think that no one cares about you?”

It feels like the wind had been knocked out of her. Somehow, this conversation reminded her of another one -- one that felt like a lifetime ago as she struggled to keep Ken from throwing his life away, to make sense of what had become of him. She finds herself smiling bitterly. Perhaps they both weren’t so different, after all. That was the most painful thing to admit of all.

Nishiki was absolutely right.

“I -- I don’t want to hear this right now --”

“Then when do you want to hear it?” He demands, “I thought that I was being a good friend by minding my own business,” he says, “Maybe I’m a bigger moron than both of you for that.”

His mouth presses into a thin line, eyes hardening. “I’m telling Yomo-san about this.”

His words plunge her into ice. “No--”

“How long are you planning on hiding any of this from him, anyway?” His voice is beginning to raise, before he stops himself. “We’re all a team,” he says again, quieter this time. “We want to help you -- but you have to let us, Touka.”

Touka. He hardly ever called her that these days.

Her heart aches.

Then he sighs, “I won’t say anything, but I will if this gets worse.”

She can’t speak, only nodding as she watches his retreating figure. Her grip around her belly tightens. It was strange. The life that had taken root inside of her suddenly felt so important, even at the detriment of herself and everyone else around her? They were her family, and that was undeniable -- but this child. She already feels an incredibly attachment to it. She couldn’t just give up.

Even if she seemed to get weaker and weaker with each passing day.

--

Every day was a battle of wills between her and her unborn child. She would wake up in the morning and try to eat something to sate the growling in her belly, making sure that at least some nutrients were making through to them.

But the price was throwing it all back up a couple of hours later.

The headaches were getting worse too -- there were days she couldn’t even concentrate on a customer’s order and she would need to make it to the couch in the back room to burrow into.

What made it incredibly difficult was the fact that Nishiki seemed to be around every day, giving her the look that said he was observing her. She had to make sure she was at her most normal around him, or at least as she had been the time he confronted her.

Her belly expands, needing her to wear loose slacks and baggier cardigans to hide it.

She was running in so many directions that one day, she realizes that she had given herself away when Yomo asks to speak to her privately.

She thinks it was about the sales for the month, maybe even about hiring a fourth hand to help out --

“How long?” Instead is all he asks, looking at her midsection.

Her throat feels bitter like bile had risen up like it did every morning. Had Nishiki told him?

She licks her lips, mind racing to come up with some kind of excuse but Yomo only holds up a hand as if to say that he wasn’t done talking.

“I don’t know who else knew about this, but I would expect that, you would have come to me for help at least once.”

He looks so disappointed. Normally that would have made her angry but now all it does it make her eyes sting.

Had she made such a big of a mistake? Of wanting to keep her child?

She swallows uncomfortably, steeling her eyes. “Nishiki told you.”

Yomo shakes his head after a moment’s pause. “Did you two really think I was some kind of idiot that wouldn’t figure it out?”

“That’s not --”

“You must have,” Yomo says, sounding resigned. “Or you just didn’t trust me.”

She can feel her chest begin to constrict. No -- that wasn’t it at all. She had been afraid. What if he also told her to get rid of the child? She didn’t want that, she didn’t want that at all. When he stares at her in that way, it’s as if he’s seen some kind of ghost. He’s pale, hands balled into fists and body tight with what must have been anger or fear.

“Yomo-san, that’s not it,” she tries.

“It is,” he says, sounding tired now. “You always were too much like your mother.”

What? She’s bewildered -- wondering what her mother had to do with any of this. How would he have even known her mother? Yomo, doesn’t give her the opportunity to voice any of these questions, however, as he goes back into the front of the shop, leaving her alone.

Why did it seem as though everyone was so quick to give up on her? She sinks down to her knees, trying to control her breathing even though panic had seized her. Her heart is racing, eyes darting around as she struggles and gasps for air.

Everyone had expectations -- they always had. She was meant to be the girl who held it all together. If she was too angry, then she was a sad person consumed by revenge, and if she was too passive, then she would blink and everything -- everyone would be gone. People even left now when she disappointed them. What was she even supposed to do? She didn’t want to live while losing things.

I don’t want to lose anything else! She thinks defiantly.

It wasn’t fair. It was enough. She had had enough.

--

She’s not sure why her feet are leading her to Ken’s flat. It’s a terrible idea, and she knows that. She had ended things with him for that same reason.

She’s been here so many times that it was easy to take the elevator right up with a bow to the door man. She’s always been distracted when they came back together, preoccupied by some kind of game they were about to play with each other. But it was as if her body had retained the memories of what floor to get off and which door was his.

When he doesn’t respond after the fifth ring, her heart sinks.

He’s not home. You’ve been forgotten again or maybe you weren’t that important to begin with.

Her mind was cruel to her even as her eyes begin to sting, the incidents of the last few months catching up to her all in one go as she thinks of what to do now.

She couldn’t fault him for not being here. It was she who had asked that he leave in the first place. She, who didn’t do the sensible thing in the beginning and she, who decided on keeping her child, despite the pains they were giving her.

Life was never certain, but she could not bear to lose something that she had for herself.

It didn’t matter if she was alone. It would just be her baby and she would love it just fine by herself.

She begins to turn away, walking back to the elevator when the door suddenly flies open and a very disheveled and tired Kaneki stares at her with bleary eyes. His glasses were missing, eyes red and clothes mussed.

He had been sleeping.

For a moment all she could do is stare, tears silently rolling down her cheeks as she tries to keep her jaws clamped shut from whimpering in relief.

I don’t want to be alone. Please don’t leave me alone.

“Kirishima--”

She collapses in his arms, face buried in his chest and arms wrapping around his body tightly. She inhales, the comforting scent of his. His woodsy cologne, the scent of smoke and metal all intermingling with a strange overlay of blood. Unconsciously, his arms go around her, squeezing her protectively to himself as he manages to shut the door and heft her over to his bed.

--

She couldn’t hide this from him anymore. She didn’t care what the consequences were or even what the hell they were supposed to do. She needs to know if she really was alone in wanting this child.

Laying back on his pillows, she begins to unbutton her cardigan, sliding it further to her sides and lifting the hem of her shirt so he can just about see the slight roundedness of her belly.

She takes his hand with an uncomfortable swallow and places it on the curve that shivered underneath his touch. “That day, when you came over and you saw the food -- it was for --”

She doesn’t need to finish her sentence before he retracts his hand from belly, as if the slight contact burned.

Of course, she thinks.

She really was alone.

Or so she thinks, until she feels his arms envelope her in a tight embrace. She flinches, eyes growing wide as she feels him kiss her forehead. “It’s okay,” he reassures. “It’s going to be okay.” Her vision is beginning to blur.

She hadn’t expected a reaction like this from him at all.

“You don’t mind?” She asks, watching in awe as he palms her stomach, smoothing it down alongside her slightly bulging belly. “You really don’t mind?” It’s almost too good to be true, and his reaction also doesn’t fit with everything that she knows about him. She had expected him to throw her out, to try to ignore that it was happening. He didn’t want seem like the type to want a family. Maybe before, but not now.

Not when he was poised for self-destruction.

“I don’t,” Ken reassures, capturing her lips once more -- and Touka loses all reason.

All of those weeks of anxiety, of fear, and of anguish pours out of her as she begins to tear at his clothes. He was only in his signature black shirt and pinstripe pants, and she rips the shirt open, sending buttons flying everywhere as she pushes it down his shoulders and off of his body. It was nice to have someone who didn’t scold her for her decisions. It was strange that it was Ken in this case, but she wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

She wouldn’t think about it. She wouldn’t think about anything.

He pushes her down onto the bed, and bends down to kiss her bulging belly, right at the navel before he kisses lower. He unbuttons her shorts, pushing them down her hips and off of her body before also doing the same to the tights that she wore. He didn’t rip them like he normally did. In fact, he was touching her with far more gentleness than he usually did. Was he taking the baby into account?

Her breath hitches, especially when spreads her legs, bringing his mouth down to her cunt. He licks along the crotch of her panties, sighing, as though savoring the taste of her before he taps her hip, a cue for her to raise them so that he can also ease her panties off of her.

And then -- he is devouring her.

It’s different than usual, somehow, even better than their previous bouts of sex. He goes slowly, licking along her slit in slow, deep flicks of his tongue, before directing his tongue to her clit. Her hips raise up, and she gasps when his lips close around her clit. He alternates between sucking and licking the swollen ball of nerves, and she is twisting and turning as the pleasure mounts.

This time, she doesn’t use the wrong name. “Kaneki,” she rasps -- it slips out as her fingers thresh through that all too familiar black hair. Now, it doesn’t seem mocking. She sees him freeze, his grey eyes flicking up to hers, and there’s an insurmountable emotion there as he returns back to his task. When he moans her name, it’s not Kirishima that she hears, but Touka-chan, and she falls apart.

Her eyes flicker open as he comes back up, licking his lips and watching her with hungry eyes.

It was like he was realizing a bunch of things at the same time. That he had been playing a fool’s game before, thinking he could keep away from her and that she wouldn’t realize that he had come to terms with himself. It was always hard for them to ignore each other, no matter the circumstances and this time was no different.

He can't take not being one with her. He would do whatever it takes to keep her with him and just like that, he has had enough of this foreplay.

She moves her lips to respond his kiss as undoes the zip of his slacks and with her assistance, brings them down his hips. He moves away only for a moment to shake off his slacks and briefs.

She watches with soft eyes as he comes back to her, cupping her face and kissing the corners of her lips.

She grips the length of his cock and strokes him deliberately until she feels his precum moisten her hands. She wants to taste him but he doesn't budge.

“Later,” he inhales sharply, “it's been far too long.”

She agree with that sentiment. She wanted to feel him fill her up, sate the burning in her belly and the loneliness in her heart. Only he seemed to manage to do both, no matter how much she's tried to put herself off of him throughout the years.

He adjusts his hips, lining himself up and thrusting in with one hard thrust that has her gasping sharply and twisting her fingers into his shoulders. He watches her from above, kissing her face and burying his nose in the crook her neck as he pulls out and thrusts back in.

Her arms wrap around him lazily as he moves his hips slowly, with meaning to tease and still go so deep that her jaw slacks, nose scrunches up and eyes water.

It’s so good that she’s left panting, whining from the depth of the deep, slow strokes of his cock. He’s pushing deep and it’s difficult to remember to breath, even when the pace that he’s setting isn’t all that fast. Somehow, this was worse, more intense, especially when she needs him to go faster, even if he’s fucking her just as hard as she needs him to.

She kisses his mouth, “Faster,” she tries to encourage, but he ignores her, lifts up her legs and grinds his hips with their pelvises pressed together. It’s not fast, but the action does make her shudder and cry out his name again.

“Kaneki--”

“Again,” Ken whispers, drawing back from her mouth, so that he can see her expression. Her flexibility allows him to lean down, pushing her legs up against her chest so that he can close the distance between each other. He uses his free hand to grip her chin, “Say my name again,” and she does.

It’s only then, that his restraint seems to break.

His thrusts are powerful and deep, sending waves of bliss that reverberate throughout every nerve in her body. She doesn’t need to hold back her moans, now and she drags her nails down his back before settling her hands on his ass, trying to urge him in deeper.

She doesn’t want to let him go.

Her mouth finds his again as she comes, locking her legs around his hips as she loses all sense of herself. Her body trembles, nails digging into his skin hard enough to draw blood, but he doesn’t seem to mind as he watches her expression.

So beautiful.

And then, she hears him gasps, slamming inside of her harder, deeper and then she feels warmth inside of her as he finishes right behind her.

This has been -- different. This time, he doesn’t draw away from her. He doesn’t even pull out, as he rests his head against her chest, trying to remain mindful of her belly, but it wasn’t big enough that his weight was too much of a problem yet. She holds him close and runs her fingers through her hair.

This felt like -- before.

It almost feels as though he’s his old self again.

And then, “You’re all mine now,” she hears him whisper, and his hand run down to rub at her belly. He wraps his arm around it possessively, kissing her shoulder. “You can’t leave me.” He’s smiling, as though he were at peace.

Oh, she thinks, growing cold.

So that’s why you were happy..

[amorremanet]

In celebration of @blackpaladinweek — some Twinganes (i.e., Shiro and his twin brother Ryou) headcanons from the punk band/university/modern setting hot mess AU of But boys spring infernal (as of now: Mature, ~300k, 17 of 21 chapters; main ship is Keith/Shiro, with several past ships & side-ships; this AU’s previous Ryou + Twinganes post) (also dedicated to Saki @bishiro ​):

Q: Which one of the Shirogane twins loves Legally Blonde more? / A: Trick question, they love Legally Blonde more or less equally

That said, Ryou doesn’t love Mean Girls as much as Shiro does. Or very much at all, really

It’s not that Ryou minds the movie? But he’s tired of it, and too many Mean Girls references at once will make Ryou want to scream

Shiro may never let Ryou live down his t(w)eenage celebrity crush on Christina Aguilera, but to be fair, Ryou isn’t going to let Kashi live down his still very much alive celebrity crush on Sir Ian McKellan, either

Unlike Ryou, who took some time to arrive at his Bi Awakening, Shiro has known that he’s gay since they were about eight and he got a kiddie-crush on a boy in his class.

Their Mom heard about this when she asked if they had any special Valentines in mind in their class, and while Ryou just said the name of the first girl in class who he thought of as a friend but was mostly non-committal about it, Shiro was very into Cameron Levesque.

Mom and Dad Shirogane talked to Shiro about this first, basically explaining that they love him no matter what and there is nothing wrong with him being gay, but that he needs to be careful because there are, unfortunately, several people in the world who disagree and could try to hurt him

Ryou’s nine-year-old opinion on this was, “Well, if Kashi is gay, then duh, obviously there’s nothing wrong with anybody being gay. How could there be? My brother is the best and anyone who says otherwise is probably just jealous, I will fight them if they try to say that he’s wrong for wanting to kiss other boys”

Excluding snowball fights, Ryou has been in five physical fights in his entire life. Four somehow involved the desire to stand up for his brother. The fifth one, on the other hand, involved Ryou standing up to said brother, and it ended in him and Shiro hugging each other while crying.

From the age of eleven until they were almost 24, Ryou and Shiro had an ongoing debate about which fictional aliens would be the most fun to get abducted by. After Shiro’s time “living with” (read: being effectively held hostage by) Sendak and Haxus, though, that whole discussion stopped being one that he could find any humor in.

Like, if Earth made first contact with the Vulcans tomorrow and Shiro was offered passage back to their home-world, he’d have a hard time saying, “No”? But he’s really lost his taste for, “abducted by aliens” fantasies

One of the biggest disappointments of their childhood was that their Mom and Dad never let them get a cat, but in fairness? Tiny Ryou could be kind of a space cadet sometimes (in that he gets absorbed in things very easily and sometimes needs to be reminded that the rest of the world exists), while Tiny Kashi was either trying way too hard to be Perfect or a mischievous, rambunctious handful who fancied himself a prankster, with very little middle-ground between those two options

—so any cats they adopted likely would’ve been loved by the twins but cared for by their parents or grandparents, instead of functioning as a Lesson in Responsibility That Is Shaped Like A Pet for the twins

One of Ryou’s current disappointments is that he is a financially stable adult who could totally adopt a cat…… but he isn’t sure how Slav and a cat would get along with each other, and as troublesome as Slav can be, Ryou does love his friend/roommate, and he wants a cat? But not enough to risk a situation that could be Not Good for Slav

Ryou is responsible for turning Shiro on to Steven Universe, and Hunk is responsible for introducing the show to Ryou.

The character Ryou most identifies with is Connie (and Shiro can see it but would also peg Ryou as having a lot in common with Sadie).

The characters Shiro most identifies with are Pearl and Lapis Lazuli — and Ryou agrees kinda but he doesn’t like it, especially because:

1. he knows that the episode “Lost At Sea” is a big reason why Shiro loves Lapis as much as he does, and considering that episode really isn’t subtle in portraying Lapis’s fusion with Jasper as an abusive relationship, Ryou’s Protective Brother Instincts get pricked up hardcore;

and 2. Ryou can’t help but be suspicious and concerned about how Pearl and Lapis have character designs that emphasize thinness and physical delicacy, given that Shiro has an eating disorder and body image issues

(which okay, Shiro understands where Ryou’s coming from here, but this is sort of a sticking point because Shiro isn’t sure how he can put Ryou’s mind at ease without risk of accidentally sounding like he’s devaluing his problems

—also, he knows from experience that, apparently, “Duly noted, but I never wanted to be that kind of skinny and that isn’t the real problem with me anyway” is not the right answer)

Neither twin will argue that Hunk is the resident Steven Quartz Universe, like…… They don’t see a case to the contrary, really. And Hunk is totally cool with that.

When they were sixteen, Shiro passed his driver’s test on the first time out while Ryou failed it twice before finally getting it right. These days, though, Ryou is the twin who actually has a car and ever drives it. If you ask Shiro why he’s so averse to driving, he will tell you, “Trying to drive a car in Chicago after barely having my license for six months” and leave it at that.

Anyone who tries to tell you that either Shiro or Ryou is the, “calm, level-headed twin” while the other is the, “temperamental, reckless twin”? ……Yeah, either they’ve only just met the twins or they are lying to you.

Like, it’s fair(-ish) to join Shiro in saying that he is the, “genius twin” while Ryou is, “the twin with common sense” — in D&D stats terms: Shiro has more Intelligence than Wisdom, while Ryou is about even on both but isn’t as off-the-charts in Intelligence as Shiro is

—but… ahaha, no, both of them can be either the, “calm, level-headed twin” or the, “temperamental, reckless twin” at different points and in different ways. Both of them are easily outraged by abuses of power and/or on behalf of other people, but even that, they do differently.

A lot (though not all) of Shiro’s outrage could be summed up as, “People who have power don’t use it responsibly and it hurts the people who have less power, or who rely on them, or similar, and Shiro has no idea why he has to explain that you should care about other people, but he is angry and offended that some people think this is optional, what the Hell, how do you just not care about other people”

However: for all Shiro will (usually) let himself be openly angry about other people’s abuse, pain, suffering, etc., he usually tries to deny, repress, or ignore the anger he feels about things that hurt him. He’s getting better while working on all this with Ulaz, but he has a history of letting that anger build up until he snaps, or only come out in his music and/or when he’s angry on someone else’s behalf.

His typical interactions with Slav aren’t even an exception that prove the rule here. It’s an easy mistake to make, given how short Shiro’s temper is with Slav… but fact is, he simply hits his breaking point with Slav faster than he does with most people.

In the opinions of several people, Shiro’s pronounced bleeding-heart tendencies might very easily be the death of him someday if he doesn’t learn to get better at managing them. Like, most people agree that his compassion, his level of concern for other people, and his desire to help people are at least some degree of admirable — but Shiro has a problem of giving too much of himself to other people.

He also has a problem of getting angry about things that he can’t really do anything about (sometimes genuinely and sometimes because he doesn’t really want to deal with any of the things he can affect any meaningful change over because they’re messy and tangled and being Complicated at him, especially when they’re emotionally complicated)

On top of those problems, Shiro also has the problem where he has trouble with insisting on some of his boundaries and asking people to respect them — and he can sometimes be really, really bad at remembering where his boundaries are when he’s faced with people who need help, or issues that he cares about (though Shiro fixates more on the people affected by those issues than on the issues themselves), or the pain and suffering of other people in general

—Because Shiro wants to help. Shiro wants to make people’s lives better. Shiro is the sort of person who endures horrible pain and trauma and comes out the other end of it, wanting to be the sort of person who would’ve helped his past-self when he was in deep shit (and one of his biggest motivations as an artist/songwriter is wanting to make music that really reaches people and affects them somehow, even if it’s “just” reminding them that they aren’t alone). Which is all great?

……But when it comes to helping people, Shiro has all the chill of a broken freezer (which is to say, “none whatsoever”), and he often shoves his own problems down or to the side in the name of trying to help other people instead, despite how this has gotten him into trouble so many times before

The list of people who have expressed concern about these tendencies of Shiro at one point or another includes but is not limited to:

Ryou

Keith

Lance

Pidge

Hunk kinda sorta, he waffles about it

Matt

Ulaz sometimes

Iverson despite the fact that he also admires Shiro’s capacity for hope and compassion

Shiro’s old roommate Mark and their friend Trevor

Shiro’s old friend Laura (whom he fake-dated when they were in high school so her parents wouldn’t find out that she’s a lesbian)

Acxa (including one incident where she was like, “Look, Lotor is my best friend and has been since we were nine — but he’s a disaster, you two are not working out together, and I know that you want to help him…… but you are probably going to kill yourself if you keep trying so hard to help him”)

Ezor

Zethrid

Narti (through the conduit of Ezor because she didn’t feel like talking to Shiro for herself)

Shiro and Ryou’s Mom

Shiro and Ryou’s Dad

Grandfather Shirogane

Grandmother Shirogane

Sendak (but he meant this less out of real concern and more as a way of going, “Why don’t you give in and just come revel in being a monster with me”)

Slav (but he expressed the sentiment to Ryou because he felt like Shiro wasn’t listening to him, which was accurate)

Shiro’s A.A./N.A. sponsor Robin

David And Miranda From Group

and Lotor, even though he has directly benefited from Shiro’s bleeding-heart tendencies more than pretty much anyone else in Shiro’s life except for maybe Sendak

—Allura only hasn’t expressed concerns like this yet because she only just met Shiro recently

So……… yeah. This is a Thing. People become aware of it pretty quickly, when dealing with Shiro.

Ryou, on the other hand, has some trouble admitting that he’s angry on his own behalf but nowhere near as much as Shiro. In general, he’s far more likely than Shiro to acknowledge that he is angry and then either try to push it aside because “there is something more important to deal with right now,” or start giving people the cold shoulder

(—this happens even if he isn’t angry with them or anyone in particular: Ryou is very much a person who feels a need to tinker with or work on something when he gets angry. He also tends to want space from other people, and unless someone is comfortable enough with him to know better, his cranky tinkering tends to look like he’s shutting people out)

When Ryou gets outraged for other people, it tends to be in a way that’s focused on their boundaries or sense of agency, or things that were taken from them. While Shiro’s outrage tends to be more centered on the pain and suffering and wanting to find some way to alleviate it (usually by doing something and finding some kind of silver lining or a purpose to dedicate oneself to), Ryou’s outrage is about the specifics of what was done unto other people and how it tried to take away their sense of power in their own lives, and then what to do about moving forward (with an occasional side of vengeance and a serious vindictive streak once roused)

He’s also much more likely to get angry about people whom or issues that he cares about personally, rather than emotionally bleeding over everything he doesn’t really enjoy about the world — like, yes, he can get upset about injustices that he has no personal relation to or stake in, and it bothers him that many people in positions of power are manipulative assholes who care more about themselves and their own security than about the people beneath them on the different hierarchical ladders?

But unlike Shiro, Ryou looks at those things and goes, “I don’t like them, but there largely doesn’t seem to be anything I can do to directly change them, and as much as they upset me, I have other issues and troubles that I need to focus on because I actually can do something about them. I’m only human, I only have so much energy and so many resources, and I care about those things? But I have no idea how to affect any meaningful change, so I’m going to go put more energy into something that I can actually do anything about”

Basically, just…… Ryou and Shiro can both be temperamental and they can both be reckless. They can also both be totally calm and level-headed. It depends on the context, since they can get upset about different things, and

True, there are other factors in play as well, but Shiro’s mental health is the biggest reason why Ryou has a longer list of times when he’s gone, “Kashi, NO” than Shiro’s list of incidents requiring a, “Ryou, NO.”

Specifically, Ryou has had to go, “Kashi, NO” more often than Shiro’s done the opposite…… because Shiro has a history of disregarding his own well-being or outright not caring about it, whether this meant, “trying to climb a precarious-looking tree to save his friend Laura’s cat when they were all about ten” or, “mixing up a ‘cocktail’ that is equal parts tequila and cherry-flavored liquid Vicodin, then chugging six of them on an empty stomach”

(disclaimer: please, for the love of god, DO NOT DO THIS. it is a miracle that Shiro lived through doing that to himself, so please, please, please do not do this thing.)

Shiro doesn’t get what Ryou’s deal is about Sven. None of them gets why people think Sven looks so similar to the twins, but Shiro’s bigger sticking point is, “Seriously, why do you act like Sven is such a life-ruiner? He’s a decent guy, just kind of a goofball, and apparently he sounds like the Swedish Chef in bed? Which is a mental image you can thank Lance for, but??? Come on, are you really that jealous of Slav having another friend”

(to answer Shiro’s question: ……well, yes, Ryou is jealous? But it’s more that he thinks that Slav may have oversold this friendship and that Sven thinks of him as a work friend only and doesn’t really care about his problems… but in fairness, Ryou gets to that conclusion by conveniently ignoring certain pieces of evidence about Sven and Slav’s relationship that he doesn’t want to acknowledge because he is jealous of Sven, so……… yup.)

At this point, whenever the twins show off any old childhood photos, they make the jokes comparing themselves to the Sprouse miscreants before anyone else can. They’ve heard it so many times, and it’s always some kind of variant on the same thing — “Wow, you guys looked practically the same until you were about twelve, then Ryou started getting fat and Shiro didn’t” — and they’re fricking tired of it

While the brothers enjoy both Star Trek and Star Wars, there are some party lines here. Ryou infinitely prefers Star Wars (and he will fight people over both the validity of the prequels and whether or not the different Expanded Universe stories are still canon in light of the new trilogy)

Shiro meanwhile thinks that Star Trek is the superior sci-fi franchise (and he will fight people who think he should’ve dressed up as Kirk or Picard or anyone but Uhura for his past Trek-themed Halloween costumes. Because…… what. He wanted to wear TOS!Uhura’s red mini-dress and Mirrorverse!Uhura’s outfit, so he did, what is your point)

That said, there are some photos of the Mirror!Uhura outfit that Shiro would rather not be reminded of. They’re old selfies from around Halloween 2012, he was dangerously unhealthy, and and he sent them to Ryou and Laura for opinions without even thinking about the possibility that their reactions might focus less on how he looked in the costume and more on the fact that: 1. Shiro had amended the costume in certain suspicious ways; and 2. he looked like he was going to pass out at any minute

“Certain suspicious ways” here means: Shiro tried to cite the fact that it was a chilly October as a reason for putting a long-sleeved black t-shirt under the red-and-gold-trimmed bra part…… except Ryou and Laura both called bullshit, because Shiro had worn the proper costume in colder weather before without caring, and they had reason to suspect that he was trying to hide something

Ryou zeroed in on the possibility that Shiro might’ve been trying to hide injuries from Sendak. Laura focused, instead, on the fact that Shiro looked particularly thin and thought that he might’ve been trying to throw people off from noticing this. Both of them were right.

Two weeks after those selfies, Shiro had a fainting spell at work — which would eventually become a huge sticking point for Keith, because he thought said fainting spell made Shiro take his well-being more seriously and made him give more of a fuck about how much his self-abuse and relationship with Sendak were wrecking him…… but Keith was other than right.

I mean, the fainting spell scared Shiro, and it briefly made him take things more seriously…… but that didn’t last

Aside from Ryou and Laura, the only people who’ve seen those selfies are: Sendak (poking through Shiro’s phone without his consent); Ulaz (specifically asked to see them for therapeutic reasons); Lotor (didn’t believe that Shiro had ever worn said outfit for any reason and unfortunately, Shiro realized too late that the first pics he’d found were those ones); and Lance (walked in on Shiro low-key moping and obsessing over those selfies after he’d shown them to Lotor and endured the ensuing awkward conversation*)

*: said conversation was largely awkward because Lotor was concerned and did want to help, but unfortunately, he has very little idea what to do with genuine emotions, which out of a lot of things in his life

—but the biggest cause is the fact that Lotor was raised by a frigid, cruel, emotionally abusive, high-functioning alcoholic chemistry professor and her ill-tempered, bigoted enabler, who is every bit as emotionally abusive as his wife (who is the only person in the universe who he loves, including their son), constantly acts like a character from a Greek tragedy, and high-key hates the fact that certain major social and political events of the twentieth century stripped his family of their ruling position in the territory formerly known as Daibazaal, which means he will never be the King or Emperor of anything

Shiro feels like he would also show the pictures to Keith, Hunk, Pidge, Matt, and maybe Allura, but only if he knew that they were in emotionally okay enough places and if he felt stable enough to deal with how they might react

If Ryou ever challenges you to a snowball fight, you probably shouldn’t accept. He plays to win and he plays dirty. Shiro pretty much only goes along with this because he doesn’t mind when Ryou plays dirty; he thinks it’s adorable and endearing.

“For the love of God, Kashi, just tell him that you like being the little spoon and let him cuddle you. It’s literally that simple. You will feel so much better if you let yourself have this bit of comfort already” — Ancient Ryou Shirogane Proverb.

A lot of Shiro’s inability to keep his cool around Slav has to do with the fact that Shiro is a very compassionate person and tries so hard to understand Slav’s perspective, only for Slav to (generally) refuse any and all attempts at compromise.

A lot it has to do with how Slav has a tendency to treat Shiro’s known stressors and triggers as buttons he can push just to see what happens.

(The usual answer to this is some variation on, “Shiro realizes what Slav is doing, grumpily calls him out on it, and then gets upset because Ryou has asked Slav not to do shit like this and Shiro has opened up to Slav in ways that made him feel deeply uncomfortable, all in the hopes that helping Slav to understand some of Shiro’s problems and struggles might get him to stop pulling stunts like this

“—and yet, Slav continues to do these things and ignore simple requests like, ‘Can you please not kick Shiro in his eating disorder just to see what happens and/or make some kind of point to him, no matter how important you think that point might be”)

And still more of Shiro’s dislike of Slav has to do with how Slav reminds Shiro of himself in ways that Shiro does not particularly enjoy (especially because both of them have some pretty huge and difficult to manage issues with control).

All up, it’s probably a miracle (or possibly a testament to how much he loves Ryou) that Shiro hasn’t given in to his petty impulse to call Slav by his full, given name because well hey, Slav insistently calls Shiro, “Takashi” when he wasn’t given permission to do so (and the only reason he doesn’t use any of the overly familiar abbreviations like, “Taka” or, “Kashi” is that he thinks they sound silly)

—so, if he’s going to do that, then in Shiro’s humble (albeit very biased) opinion, it’s only fair that he gets to call Ryou’s best friend, “Miroslav” even though he knows damn well that Slav hates being addressed by that name and only hasn’t done away with it legally because the paperwork sounds very tedious and Slav doesn’t feel like it

Ryou desperately wishes that his brother and his best friend could get along, but he also understands why they don’t and since Shiro has made an effort while Slav doesn’t get how nothing he’s done constitutes, “making an effort,” well…… Ryou’s solution is to just do what he can to minimize the amount of time Slav and Shiro have to spend around each other

This is going to make Christmas 2017 mildly complicated because Ryou is bringing Slav with him to the Shirogane family Christmas out in California (because he visited Slav’s family last year, and…… uh, no, Ryou is not sending his best friend back to deal with that, especially not alone, and Slav can’t go to Norway with Sven due to a recent failure to renew his damn passport)

But, uh…… at least Slav will have more targets than Shiro?

Also, he will be more tolerable after dropping acid, but that just raises the question of why he thought it was a good idea to bring LSD to Christmas (and Slav’s answer is pretty much, “……Well, I wanted to do it, so I did”)

Another thing that Shiro will not let Ryou live down, ever: the time when they were kids and went to Disneyland with their parents and cousins, and Ryou asked where Anastasia was and come on why had he seen every princess but her.

Shiro is still kind of Not Over the fact that Ryou is a Pottermore-Sorted Slytherin, because Shiro was totally expecting both of them to end up put into Ravenclaw (in fairness, it was close for Ryou. Not so much for Shiro, but Ryou was a Ravenclaw/Slytherin hat-stall).

On the other hand, Ryou is still kind of Not Over the fact that, when he made Kashi get a Pottermore account, Shiro didn’t see his own Sorting into Hufflepuff coming from a mile off (—and okay, Ryou will totally admit that he likes Harry Potter more than Shiro does, but still, Kashi. Come on. How did you think you would ever be Sorted into Ravenclaw).

As much as Ryou means that question rhetorically, he does suspect that there is an actual answer to it and frankly, he doesn’t like it Mostly because he suspects that the answer involves Shiro defining himself as a list of academic and/or creative accomplishments instead of working harder on applying that pesky little, “You need to have a more holistic view of yourself and appreciate who you are as a complete person instead of zeroing in on tiny pieces of yourself as if they alone define you” idea to himself

In fairness to Shiro here: most people do not think, “Slytherin” when they think of Ryou. He’s most often misidentified as a Ravenclaw (whether they get thrown off by the fact that Ryou is an obvious nerd who has a Physics PhD, went to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology for his undergrad, and always did well in school, or by the fact that Ryou genuinely loves learning), or maybe as a Hufflepuff like his brother (Lance is one of the people who thought so).

The list of people who have correctly guessed that Ryou is a Slytherin is: Hunk (but he’d been thinking Hufflepuff until Ryou heard about a then-recent disagreement Hunk had had with Shiro and went, “Ugh, don’t listen to Kashi, go get Pidge and slash the tires on Lotor’s Maserati, I’ll keep my stupid genius brother distracted and you can go give his pet asshole exactly what’s coming to him”)

Ezor (Ryou’s ex-girlfriend, herself a Slytherin, who most loved the moments when Ryou joined her in being all kinds of petty, judgmental, vindictive, spiteful, grudge-holding, snarky at the expense of people they disliked, and openly frustrated with the things that exasperate them — but who was also like, “But why are you objecting to some of my behaviors so? I don’t think it’s mean to tell this other local band that I think their music sounds like a funeral dirge sung by a chorus of sick cats aspirating on their own vomit. Their music does sound like that. If anything, those pathetic idiot hipsters should be thanking me for messing with their equipment before their set. I made them sound better”)

Slav (who actually doesn’t really care about Harry Potter and only picked Slytherin for Ryou because he knows that Ryou’s favorite color is green)

and Pidge (literally the only member of Galaxy Garrison who guessed Slytherin within a few minutes of meeting Ryou)

Neither of the twins cusses that much, largely as a result of their parents and grandparents raising them not to. Shiro does so more than Ryou, but it’s still not a very common occurrence and more often than not, Shiro is either quoting someone else or using some variant of, “fuck” as a way to differentiate between different approaches to sexual intercourse

That said: Ryou is more comfortable talking about sex than Shiro. To be fair, Shiro can discuss sex perfectly fine when he has some kind of emotional distance with it (like when it was casual sex that didn’t mean that much to him or when he’s giving Lotor recommendations on which weird niche-interest erotica to get Zethrid for her birthday)…… but he gets flustered very easily as soon as he’s emotionally invested in the sex

Ryou, on the other hand? Just doesn’t?? see??? the point???? of that kind of attitude????? Like, if you ask him, sex is best when people are on the same page, and it’s easier to get there if you don’t waste any time on shame and tell people what you like, what you don’t, what you want, and so on

Shiro would like to point out that it’s not an issue of shame, to him?? It’s an issue of, “Feelings are complicated and difficult and often messy, and when sex with someone is important to Shiro or happening in the context of a relationship that is important to Shiro, he puts a lot of pressure on himself not to screw it up”

Sexual shame largely enters the picture whenever Shiro talks about Sendak, but those discussions are messy for reasons that include but also go beyond the sex, and Shiro’s sense of shame there doesn’t really from the sex itself or from the role that BDSM played in his and Sendak’s relationship. It comes more from things like, “Sendak was abusive, and Shiro knows this, but part of him still loves Sendak and he hates this and he feels like he never should’ve loved Sendak to begin with, so yeah, the fact that part of him still loves his abuser is something Shiro is very deeply ashamed of”

This is another of the points where Ryou and Ezor worked really well together, to the surprise of… pretty much everyone but Shiro, Acxa, Zethrid, and Narti. Because neither of them has that much of a sense of shame about sex, both of them were comfortable just telling each other what they wanted or didn’t, and neither of them got embarrassed over things like accidentally knocking something over or awkward about laughing at each other during sex

Lotor was left off of that list for a reason. He really didn’t get what Ezor saw in Ryou at all, much in the same way that Ryou didn’t see what Shiro saw in Lotor. For the most part, Ezor was fine with letting Lotor fail to get it and then periodically vent his feelings about things by being some degree of petty and obnoxious about Ryou

—until the time when Lotor was coming off an argument with his Mother and went, “Honestly, I know that incompatible orientations are an issue for you and Shiro, but how can you even stand dating the objectively less attractive twin? Never mind the boring twin since that is a subjective matter, but why would you settle for the twin who is clearly nowhere near as good-looking as his brother? I don’t get it, does he give you the best cunnilingus that you’ve ever had in your life???”

Yeeeeah, that incident ended with Lotor being held in a very painful headlock until he apologized and promised to back the Hell off and just let Ezor be happy

He was very displeased that Shiro and Zethrid ignored his cries for help, but Shiro was just like, “I’ve told you that I’m done bailing you out when you insult my brother and Ezor has asked you to stop. You earned this”

while Zethrid’s opinion was, “*shrug* She told you to stop. You didn’t. You dug your way in so you can dig your own way out. Plus, watching you struggle was funny :)”

The last conversation that Shiro had with his Grandfather Namesake was before he left for school on the day Grandfather Shirogane died of an unexpected stroke. Grandfather Shirogane’s central point boiled down to, “I know that I have not always made it as clear as I should have, but I do love you, I am proud of you, and it kills me to see you pretending to be someone you are not so that you will earn the approval of your ignorant so-called friends. Your brother, his girlfriend, Laura, and Keith are the only peers of yours I have seen treat you as friends are meant to treat each other. Always remember who you are, and remember who truly matters in your life.”

The last conversation that Ryou had with Grandfather Shirogane was shortly after Shiro’s. Their Grandfather stopped Ryou on his way out the door and the gist of what he had to say was, “Yes, the older brother is usually supposed to look out for the younger one, but… Keep looking out for Kashi. If that boy doesn’t slow down and take stock of his priorities, he is going to destroy himself over the opinions of people who do not matter.”

Neither of the twins particularly enjoys reminiscing about their last conversations with their Grandfather. They have some mixed-but-loving-even-though-they-also-criticize-him feelings about the man in general, but those last chats with Grandfather Shirogane have stuck with them.

It’s been almost 12 years since he passed, and his grandsons still periodically think about those conversations, sometimes rather off-handedly and sometimes in ways that are fairly emotionally intense because maybe they’ve grieved for Grandfather Shirogane more or less healthily, but they haven’t completely made their respective peaces with those last Talks, especially because their Grandfather Shirogane’s points have become recurring themes in their lives

Another thing that Ryou is never going to let Shiro live down: when they were kids and their Dad first introduced them to Star Wars on VHS? ……Yeah, Shiro thought that Han/Leia was just a middle-of-the-story distraction romance before Leia eventually got with Luke, then got his little five-year-old mind completely blown when they got to Return of the Jedi and George Lucas dropped the, “FYI, they are twins” reveal on everybody. Shiro refused to acknowledge ROTJ for three years because he didn’t want Luke and Leia to be twins, he wanted them to get married

Ryou has (half-jokingly) threatened to include this story in his best man speech whenever Shiro finally finds his Prince Charming and gets hitched

About four weeks before Shiro finally got away from Sendak (August 2013), Shiro attempted suicide by taking too much Vicodin with tequila. He survived because Sendak happened to come home early and Haxus, being a doctor, had taught him how to administer naloxone in the event of Sendak’s sweet boy ever overdosing (since Shiro’s drugs of choice were alcohol and opiates, and naloxone would counteract the opiates at least).

Before Shiro swallowed the pills, he called Ryou, hoping that Ryou would have something to say and could talk him out of it. When Ryou missed the call, Shiro took it as a sign and left Ryou what was essentially a suicide note in the form of a voicemail.

Before that incident, Ryou was already worried, but that message scared him more than anything else he’d ever encountered. The next little while of calling and texting Shiro without a reply — the only other time in Ryou’s life that comes close to being a horrible as that was hearing that his parents were dead. He held it together remarkably well while waiting to hear from his Kashi, then cried in relief when Shiro called him back again

—and then the relief turned into more fear and frustration and pain because Sendak was breathing down the back of Shiro’s neck while he called Ryou, and between how Shiro forced himself to keep his voice controlled (and still sounded like he was about to shatter into a million pieces) and the way that Shiro was talking about what happened, Ryou could tell, but it felt like there was nothing he could do to help his brother, the person who Ryou loves most in this world

Ryou hasn’t told Shiro so, but he still has the voicemail. He has saved it despite upgrading his phone a few times since then; any time he gets a new phone, he makes sure to never lose that one. There’s a lot of other stuff on his phone that he doesn’t want to lose, but Ryou’s biggest priority is saving that voicemail

If anyone asked him why, he wouldn’t even be able to tell them. He just feels like that voicemail might be important for reasons other than, “reminding him to keep looking out for his brother.” Ryou isn’t sure when or how or why it’s going to prove to be important, but he is completely certain that someday, he is going to need to have that voicemail

Even though Shiro is in a much better place now than he has been and even though most of the unknown numbers that call Ryou end up being spam, Ryou still freezes a bit whenever he sees one come up on his phone because he’s terrified that someone’s calling him to tell him that something terrible happened to his Kashi

Iverson is a member of the physics faculty at Kaltenecker University, and he so did not intend to become a father figure to a set of loser nerd twins…… and yet, here he is, usually seeing Shiro at least once a week (at their Tuesday night A.A. meetings) and seeing Ryou pretty regularly, despite the fact that Ryou finished and defended his dissertation already, isn’t Iverson’s student anymore, and isn’t working on any projects that fall into Iverson’s area of expertise.

Ryou isn’t yet used to the fact that he has Iverson’s permission to call him, “Mitch” now, despite how he’s had said permission for a little over a year. It still makes him get a bit giddy and giggly, like a twelve-year-old looking up cuss words in the dictionary, because alsjskshsk, this feels so special and borderline taboo.

Shiro, on the other hand, constantly forgets that most of the other characters who know Iverson do not call him, “Mitch” because they don’t use surnames at A.A., so Shiro has literally never called Iverson anything but, “Mitch.” Shiro didn’t even think that his Mitch could be the same guy as Ryou’s, “Dr. Iverson” until Ryou wanted to introduce them and the twins went, “Wait, you already know the cool older guy I respect and admire?”

Iverson, for his part, just kind of sighed and facepalmed and has himself some coffee while the twins got their head around this, because he figured out that the new “Shiro” guy at meetings was the same as Ryou’s troubled but beloved brother Takashi…… the very first time that Shiro came to one of the Tuesday night meetings at the LGBTQ community center.

Shiro and Ryou agree that there is something about Iverson that reminds them of their Grandfather Shirogane (the one after whom Shiro was personal-named), but they have different opinions on what, exactly, that something is.

Ryou, personally, thinks it’s the way that Iverson is blunt and to-the-point but it generally comes from a well-meaning place (if not always a place of concern).

Shiro, on the other hand, can never quite pin down what his answer is because it ends up changing pretty regularly, but either way, he thinks it’s more important for him to remember that Mitch is his own person, not Grandfather Shirogane 2.0

Generally speaking, Ryou feels like he has a pretty good sense of humor, and he isn’t wrong. But he gets pretty sensitive to the “jokes” that his Kashi sometimes makes about death and dying, or that even remotely sound like Shiro devaluing himself, or that feel “too morbid.” Considering Shiro’s struggles with mental health, Ryou is far from the only person who takes some degree of issue with these “jokes,” but he’s one of the people who’s had the most success in going, “This makes me uncomfortable, I know that it’s one of your coping mechanisms, but it’s frankly a pretty concerning one, whether you mean for it to be or not”

At this point, Ryou is the only one of the Shiro-Ryou-Sven triad who Lance has never done anything physical with. Lance has platonically made out with Shiro and has had sex with Sven, and although realizing how in love with Hunk he is has largely helped Lance on from his desire to do something with all three of them, “For Science,” Lance is still kind of annoyed that Ryou never made out with him, “for science.”

Which is totally fine with Ryou, Lance. You can be as annoyed as you damn well please, because Ryou is annoyed that you ignored him telling you, “No” and kept asking until Shiro told you to back off and let it go.

The fight where Shiro and Ryou actually got physical with each other happened in early October 2015. Shiro had stayed clean for six months that time, and getting there had been an Ordeal for him — and then Lotor’s parents wanted to meet their son’s boyfriend. It had taken enough time to get Lotor to listen and accept that, “I am an addict and an alcoholic, for the love of god, my sobriety is important to me”

—and then Zarkon and Honerva offered Shiro a crash course on where Lotor had learned most of his incorrect attitudes about substance about and addiction. They did not listen when Lotor tried to go, “Please stop offering my boyfriend nunvil, I know that it is a cultural thing with Mother’s side of the family but he is an alcoholic” or when Shiro said similarly. Zarkon intimidated and terrified Shiro until he accepted two glasses of the stuff, and Shiro thought that he could have that one forced slip and then keep things under control afterward

Except that things did not shake out that way. He held it together for about a day-and-a-half before he got overtaken by the feelings like, “What does it even matter, I already slipped up, everything’s easier and it hurts so much less when I’m drunk anyway, who even cares” and so on. He ran down his phone’s battery on purpose, playing Candy Crush while out at a bar — which is where Lotor found him

Despite the mutual distaste between Lotor and most of the other people in Shiro’s life, they collaborated on trying to find him. Lotor, Lance, Acxa, Zethrid, and Matt went out searching, Hunk, Ezor, and Ryou were waiting at the Shiro-Hunk-Lance apartment, Narti was waiting at the Lotor + Gal Pals’ house in case Shiro went there, and Pidge was checking her phone for updates all through that week’s meeting of the Neurodiverse Student Union

So, when Lotor got Shiro back to his, Hunk, and Lance’s place, he, Hunk, and Ezor got asked to please clear out so Ryou could Have A Talk with his brother (—which they mostly did, but “mostly” means that they awkwardly waited in the hallway outside of the apartment, in case the “Talk” started sounding like it might need intervention)

Yes, Shiro was drunk, but he wasn’t completely off his own head just yet, and he assumed that this Talk was going to be Ryou being Disappointed in him for slipping up, which made him preemptively frustrated, and he started projecting his own feelings onto Ryou as if they were actually what Ryou was feeling and what he wanted to discuss

—but Shiro was so completely off-base that he might as well have been playing a different game entirely

See, Ryou didn’t like that Shiro had slipped up, but what he really wanted to call his brother out about that night was, “Where the Hell do you get off letting your phone die like that? You always have a charger in your bag. You have one of those spare battery jackets for it. Your phone’s battery doesn’t die like that unless you let it get that low on purpose, so what in the Hell were you thinking, Kashi”

—which Shiro really didn’t want to talk about, so he threw out a mostly bullshit answer about how he genuinely just didn’t notice now excuse him, he’s going to go shower until he quits feeling like such a failure or drowns himself, whichever happens first

Ryou only meant to hold onto him to keep Shiro from going… but he yanked too hard and Shiro took it the wrong way… Being drunk is the biggest reason why he shoved at Ryou but didn’t actually hit back… The physical part didn’t really last that long, given that Shiro was drunk and Ryou was trying to restrain him rather than hurt him

—but both of them wound up on the floor and managed to land a few hits on each other before Ryou successfully pinned Shiro’s wrists and shouted at him that they were talking about this NOW, Kashi, so tell Ryou what the Hell you were even thinking

Voice cracking and eyes tearing up, Shiro snapped back, “What does it matter, what d’you even care, you have a class to teach in the morning, go do that—”

“No! I am doing this, you’re more important than Iverson’s bunch of undergrads—”

“No, I’m not! That’s your life, Ryou, quit throwing it out and over nothing—”

“Says you! How can you of all people right now tell me anything about throwing your own life out!”

“Yours is worth something—”

“So is YOURS!”

“Stop lying!”

“Why would I lie about that, Kashi!”

“You’d be better off without me, Ryou, we both know it! Your life’d be perfect if you didn’t have to take care of your hopeless, fuck-up big brother—”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, you idiot! My life would be miserable without you! I have no idea what I’d do without my brother, no matter what you’re dealing with—”

“……Let me go, Ryou.”

“No! I’m not letting you up until you understand that I love you and I care what happens to you! Even if you don’t give half-a-damn what happens to you, I do! You’re my brother, Kashi. My only brother. I will pin you to this floor until the others pull us apart, I will fight them off to pin you down again, I will keep us here until you get it through your stupid, genius head that I. am not. letting you. fall. the Hell. apart!”

“But why, why keep putting yourself through this when you could have it so much better, and don’t say we don’t both know that—”

“None of that so-called better can replace you, Kashi! Do you get me yet!”

—which was where things very quickly devolved into crying (which turned into ugly crying almost as soon as it started) and incredibly clingy hugging, and Shiro lost most of his capacity to do anything with words for a while. Once he got it back, it was mostly in the form of choking out apologies while sobbing on Ryou’s shoulder

—after Shiro accepted some water and went to take a shower, Ryou called Iverson (for both of them, since Ryou’s idea was to call in sick for the next day and although Iverson isn’t actually Shiro’s sponsor, he is one of the strongest relationships that Shiro has forged with anybody else at meetings).

Once Shiro got out of the shower, he flopped on the kitchen table and talked to Iverson about what had happened while Ryou put the kettle on. Then, Ryou slept over (and swallowed his Sven-related pride to ask him to please go make sure Slav was okay and not trying to burn anything down)

—and that’s the story of the one real physical fight that Shiro and Ryou ever had

One of the many ways that Shiro might have reconnected with Keith a lot sooner than they do in the fic itself: If Ryou had been the TA for Keith’s section of Iverson’s intro physics lecture, then he would’ve recognized Keith and gone, “Kashi, what is your Keith’s last name” (which Ryou has never remembered without prodding; sorry, Keith), and then debated how much he wanted to tell Shiro that his One Who Got Away is the freshman who’s being an unholy terror for Ryou and Iverson both.

Additionally, Keith would have recognized Ryou’s name — because he only knows one Ryou Shirogane, and he’s pretty sure that it’s not the most common name to find in Massachusetts — and tried to corner him after class to go, “What happened to your brother, is he okay, what’s going on, where is he”

Instead, Iverson didn’t have Ryou manning any classes during Keith’s freshman year, so Ryou only heard horror stories from his fellow TAs, about the nightmarish prodigy who doesn’t actually give a fuck about physics (despite being in the intro lecture for STEM majors, not the intro lecture for humanities and social sciences majors) and has apparently developed a personal vendetta against Dr. Iverson

That worked out okay at the time, because it meant Ryou didn’t have to miss a week-and-a-half of teaching at the start of a new semester while he went out to Minnesota to meet Shiro and his old roommate from Chicago, helped talk Shiro into going to an inpatient rehab clinic for a while, and then went with him for the admission because he (correctly) suspected that Shiro might be something of a little shit while checking in

(—and because Shiro wasn’t saying, “Having you there with me would make that process easier,” but mostly because he already felt like a burden. He was definitely feeling that loudly, and getting him to admit that he needed help was enough of a big deal that Ryou was fine with not pushing his brother on the, “Admit to your feelings and admit that you want me to be there with you” point)

……But at the same time, it’s probably better that Shiro and Keith haven’t made this connection yet? Because they already know of enough points where they missed each other instead of reconnecting again, and obsessing over that is really, really not good for either of them

Also, as far as Sendak is concerned, Ryou was teaching freshmen at that time, rather than periodically offering advice when some of them asked for it but mostly handling things like photocopies, mail, proofreading proposals and drafts (which Ryou took to mean, “also please offer constructive criticism,” which Iverson hadn’t meant but was willing to put up with, since Ryou usually asked questions and made points that were actually helpful), and talking to people who Iverson didn’t want to deal with himself

Not that this necessarily matters, because at present, Sendak is out of the picture. But Shiro and Ryou collaborated on a bit of truth-stretching in the bit of time leading up to Shiro getting out of Sendak and Haxus’s place, and according to the not-quite-lies they spun, Ryou was teaching freshmen

Said truth-stretching was necessitated (if you asked the twins) by the fact that Sendak would read Shiro’s texts and emails over breakfast most mornings, and listen to new voicemails if he had any.

The twins figured that if they switched to only talking over calls (and only when Shiro wasn’t in the house, because he was terrified of Sendak potentially putting bugs or monitors around the house), then there were two likeliest outcomes: 1. Sendak looks at the call-log and wonders why Shiro is talking to Ryou only during certain times, and possibly concludes that Shiro is Up To Something;

or 2. Sendak doesn’t look at Shiro’s call-log and it seems like the twins have stopped talking altogether — which would’ve definitely seemed like a sign that something was up, whether he took it to mean that the brothers had had a falling-out or a fight (which Sendak would’ve had mixed feelings about), or that Shiro is very possibly Up To Something and he might well have gotten his brother in on it (which could’ve meant that Ryou had ideas about Sendak and Haxus that could’ve gotten the two of them into the trouble they deserved to be in)

—either way, it would’ve been suspicious for Shiro and Ryou to seemingly stop texting each other. But they also couldn’t text about anything that might’ve tipped Sendak off to the fact that they were definitely Up To Something (namely, planning the eventual escape with their Aunt Satomi and Mark, Shiro’s old roommate)

……so, one of the things that they fake-texted about was the freshmen that Ryou was allegedly teaching

Still another thing that Shiro isn’t going to let Ryou live down: when they were nine, he spent six weeks convinced that John Mellencamp and John Cougar Mellencamp were completely different people

Another HP thing that Ryou has made Shiro consider: the shape that a Boggart would take when facing him. Both of them go back and forth a bit on their answers, but there are some recurring themes.

Shiro’s different hypothetical boggarts generally involve any of the people he love (especially Ryou, their Mom, and Keith) denouncing him as a broken, irreparable monster, someone who’s even worse than Sendak because he tricks people into thinking that he’s a good person when he isn’t, utterly incapable of doing anything good for anybody else ever in his life, and undeserving of love or community or companionship — and well, everyone would be so much better off without you, Shiro

Ryou’s hypothetical boggarts, on the other hand, tend to be more based on things that he’s actually seen or heard: Shiro, looking the way he did right before he checked into rehab, all sick and painfully thinned out and physically wrecked; Shiro, looking how he did the night that they had their full-on fight; Shiro, drunk and soaked through and ugly-crying, like the night when he first slipped off the wagon after rehab; Shiro, looking like he does now but then he opens his mouth to speak and Ryou has to hear the suicide note voicemail that Shiro left him all over again — and then, because this isn’t enough, there’s at least a tacit accusation that this happened to Shiro because Ryou somehow failed him

Yet another thing that Ryou isn’t going to let Shiro live down literally ever: after they first saw the Peter Jackson movie adaptation of The Two Towers when they were twelve-going-on-thirteen, Shiro’s teenage crush on Elijah Wood really kicked into high-gear, and he spent six weeks making a collage out of all the ElWood pictures Laura would let him have from the teenage girl-aimed magazines she was done reading

[nadineselfships-archived]

He Found Me

Pairing/s: Papyine, Papyrus x Nadine

A/N: I have different versions of how Papyrus and I met(along with a multitude of au’s), but this is one of my favourites!! In this au I’m a freelance artist and Papyrus is a chef!! This is just how we met in this au, I think it’s cute I hope you like it!!

TW: light swearing, pov shifts, my horrible writing skills, cliche rom-com stuff, Un-edited

Words: 2,071

Sometimes you meet someone that will turn your world upside down, that will make the sun shine a little brighter; the nights a little warmer and the world a little nicer. This person will be able to break down the walls you’ve already built so high with a simple smile. They’ll be able to make the problems that suffocate you on a daily basis seems so small and insignificant by holding your hand or kissing you softly on the forehead. Or at least, that’s what I've been told.

I sat silently on the bus, staring out the window as my music blared through my earphones; people always told me I'd go deaf if I kept listening to it at such high volumes. I glanced around the bus for a moment, my eyes lingering on two girls snuggled up to each other on one of the seats; giggling and playing with each others hair. I turn away and continue to stare out the window, it must be nice to have someone that close to you. So close and trusted that you don’t flinch when their hand raises to your head.

I sigh and try to shake those thoughts away, I wasn’t one to usually care about not having a significant other; I preferred to be alone. Just me, my work and my two guinea pigs; that’s all I needed.

Or that’s what I told myself.

The bus halted at yet another bus stop and I let my eyes lazily flicker to the front of the bus for a moment. I go to look away but my movement stops along with my heart; A tall skeleton monsters steps aboard the bus with a much shorter skeleton monster. I feel my breath catch in my throat as the tall skeleton converses quite loudly with the bus driver, he’s quite expressive and waves his arms about animatedly as he speaks.

He’s wearing quite a peculiar outfit, a bright red scarf that looks as if it doubles as a short cape, a crop top, what I would like to call booty shorts; bright red gloves and knee high boots. Something about his cartoonish appearance has me do a double take, and a triple take and a fourth- okay I was staring at him. I felt my heart beat quicken in my chest and became very confused, I tore my eyes away and raised a hand to my chest; was I having a heart attack? What was happening? I could feel my heart pounding against my ribs and my face felt like it was on fire, my eyes begging to look at the skeleton again.

I decide a small glance wouldn’t hurt but as I do so my eyes lock with his eye sockets; I feel my heart jump into my throat and my mind goes fuzzy. I didn’t know what was happening to me all of a sudden, was I sick? I quickly tear my eyes again and try to act nonchalant as I stared out the window once again. My mind raced as I tried to figure out what in the hell was going on with me all of a sudden, I was fine not five seconds ago what could have possibly- Oh no. No, no, no.

The song playing in my ear faded out and a new one faded in, can’t help falling in love with you assaulted my ears and I felt like finding a rock to hide under. This was not happening, I was not the fall in love at first sight type of person; especially not if it’s first sight on a public bus.

Papyrus felt himself freeze as he made eye contact with a very cute human girl sitting at the back of the bus, her dark brown eyes shone in the sunlight and her purple hair sticking out from under her beanie framed the left side of her soft face perfectly. Papyrus felt his soul hammer against his ribcage as he stared in awe, even when she whipper he head away to stare out the window his eyes remained fixated on her.

He could faintly hear the music from her earphones, having music that loud surely couldn’t be good for human ears, could it? Papyrus found himself tracing her soft jawline with his eyes, her cheeks were flushed a deep pink, her top lip being lightly tugged on by her teeth; Papyrus felt his skull flush at that small insignificant motion.

“Bro, you good?” Sans deep voice snapped Papyrus out of his daze and he glanced down at his brother who was watching him with amused eyes; he had seen Papyrus staring, oh so ‘subtly’, at the human girl in the back. “WHAT? YES OF COURSE I AM, WHY WOULDN’T I BE? HURRY UP AND SIT DOWN.” Papyrus replied rather quickly, embarrassed that he had been caught staring at the purple-nette.

“Right behind you Paps.” Sans chuckled, following Papyrus as he walked further down the bus; Sans smirked as Papyrus chose to sit in the chair opposite the girl he’d previously been staring at.

Sans sat down next to Papyrus and watched as Papyrus stared out the window, fidgeting in his seat; he was also not saying anything. At all. Which was very non-Papyrus like. Sans decided to sneak a glance at the girl and noticed she too was fidgeting in her seat and staring out the window with a strange expression on her face. Sans felt like bursting out laughing, this could not be real; this was some rom-com level bullshit.

Sans couldn’t help but find this situation hilarious, he felt like he should be doing something but he was never too good at playing cupid; but still. “What’s up bro? Bein’ pretty quiet over there.” Sans hummed, not bothering to turn his head as he side eyed Papyrus who was quick to turn his head to look at Sans. He opened his mouth to retort but his eyes quickly traveled away from his brother to the girl across from them, who may or may not have turned her music down; but not to eavesdrop or anything. No. Of course not. “I’M JUST... Thinking...” Papyrus trailed off, getting caught up as the girl raised her hand up to tuck a stray strand of hair up into her beanie. Her eyes darted in his direction for only a moment before they were staring out the window again,

Papyrus felt himself tense up and he also whipped his head around to stare out the window. He hoped she didn’t think he was staring at her, that would be weird, wouldn’t it? She thought he was weird didn’t she? Oh great.

Sans felt his jaw drop in shock, he took a moment to look at the girl across from them and back at Papyrus who was mentally cursing himself for probably weirding the girl out. That didn’t just happen. This wasn’t happening. This was either the cutest or weirdest thing to ever happen. Normally, Sans wouldn’t be so enthralled in the thought of setting his bro up with someone, but, Sans had never seen his bro get so flustered and so speechless.

Sans tried to think of what he could possibly do, but being on the less imaginative side he came up short. He then noticed the girl raise her hand and press the stop button, okay, he had to think quick. He glanced down as she grabbed her bag and noticed a small notebook teetering out of it, perfect. As the bus slowed and the girl began to rise from her seat Sans subtly used his magic to make the book fall from her bag and onto the seat; this went unnoticed by her and she made her way to the front of the bus.

The bus stopped and the doors opened, as people began to get off the bus Sans gently nudged Papyrus’ shoulder, Papyrus, however, was busy watching as the girl stepped off the bus and slung her bag over her shoulder. Sans rolled his eyes and nudged Papyrus a little harder. “Hey bro, I think that girl dropped her book.” Sans said casually causing Papyrus to whip his head around and look at the stray book.

Papyrus made an audible gasp and practically jumped over Sans, he swept the book up in his gloved hand and raced towards the front of the bus that was just about to take off again. The bus driver stopped the bus and opened the doors and watched with furrowed brows as the tall skeleton flew off the bus. Sans grinned lazily and used his magic to get off the bus and to a nearby alleyway. He watched as Papyrus raced down the side walk, the girl standing clueless-ly at a road crossing. “This oughta be good.”

I stared down at my phone with a small frown on my face, my heart ringing obnoxiously in my ears. I glanced up at the crossroad lights unaware of the tall figure rapidly approaching from behind me.

“SORRY! EXCUSE ME! PARDON ME!” I felt my eyes widen as the familiar loud voice met my ears, I turned in blind curiosity and felt myself jump in surprise as I was met with the tall skeleton from the bus. I yelped in surprise and took a step back, my foot teetering on the edge of the footpath and the road. The skeleton gasped lightly and quickly grabbed my hand, pulling me forward before I fell onto the road; I stare awe struck up as he glances at the road and back down at me. “AH! THAT WAS CLOSE, UHM, I’M VERY SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN TO STARTLE YOU! IT’S JUST, YOU LEFT YOUR NOTEBOOK ON THE BUS AND I WANTED TO RETURN IT!” His loud voice seemed to dance through my ears, sunlight shone from behind him giving him an almost angelic halo and I felt my brain fizzle.

I can’t manage to get any words to escape my tight throat, my brain was scattered; my palms unusually sweaty and my stomach swarming with butterflies. “O-oh.” I breathe out, immediately cursing the dazed tone of my voice. I clear my throat and stand up straight, tearing my gaze away from his alluring eye sockets. “Uhm, thank you! Very much, that’s, really kind of you, thank you…” I manage to string together a messy sentence, smiling bashfully up at him. He seems to pause, simply looking at me and I wonder if I said something weird, I did say thank you twice is that weird?

“W-WELL, Y-YOU’RE VERY WELCOME! UHM…” He holds my notebook out to me and looks away in a shy manner, his sentence trailing off. I take my notebook gently and hold it to my chest, this was the part where I tell him my name right? I think so. “Nadine, my names Nadine. It’s nice to meet you…?” I manage to say without stumbling over my words, his eye sockets lock with mine once again and, as cliché as it sounds, the world around us seemed to slow down. “Papyrus. It’s very nice to meet you too, Nadine.” He said, much quieter than he was speaking before.

Sans watched from afar as Papyrus and Nadine continued to talk, it was weird, sure he was used to his bro befriending basically everyone but this was a little different; he’d never seen that look on his bros face before. He’d never seen him shine so bright. Sans leaned back against the brick wall and could only hope that he wouldn’t come to regret this, from what he could see so far, he didn’t think he would.

Maybe the world didn’t turn upside down, but it definitely did become a little brighter; it happened fast and it hit me hard. It was terrifying but at the same time exhilarating, and now I could finally understand what everyone meant when they said ‘The One’. I used to tell myself I didn’t need anyone else, I was fine by myself, but now; I couldn’t imagine a world without him in it. I found the one, or rather, he found me.

[little-writings]

Rush to Aide (Jumin x MC)

ZombieApocyalypse!AU: As worry overcomes you, a tense peace is forced to be made.

Word Count: 1240

I haven’t got much to say other than I hope you enjoy and have a marvelous day! Thank you <3

This is an ongoing storyline, if you haven’t already, I highly suggest reading the previous parts before reading this

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

———————————————————————————————————–

Needless to say, the gunshot had sent you all running, fear overtaking you like a venom, coursing throughout your body.

Yet as you came you found 707 alive.

At least, physically. 

He was staring at the strong oak ahead of him, a bullet implanted in the bark.

“Holy-” Zen rushed forward, before noticing Saeran’s body, stumbling back. “Oh my god.” 

You had informed the two of them of what had went down, but horror still painted their expression, yet not entirely directed at anyone. 

“I w-wanted to...” 707 murmured, fiddling with the revolver. “J-Just end it all...b-but I couldn’t. O-Of course I couldn’t...”

“Luciel...” Jahee softened her word as she approached him, kneeling down near him. “I’m sorry.” 

He laughed weakly, looking up to face her, tear stains engraved upon his cheeks. “Of all people...I didn’t think you’d be the one to try and console me.”

“A lot of things have happened that we weren’t expecting.” 

707 glanced to you and Jumin, sorrow decorating his expression before nodding. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” He huffed. “Listen, I...I can’t blame you for this. I know that. T-There wasn’t anything else you could but I...I can’t accept that yet.” 

You hesitated, wanting to speak out and comfort him.

Yet, you weren’t exactly sure how you could anymore.

“We understand.” Jumin nodded, his words solemn. “But if there’s anything we can do, please, let us know.” 

He didn’t answer, instead, slowly rising to his feet, dirt and blood dotting his hands and legs. 

“I..” He let out a deep breath. “I don’t know what any of you guys are wanting me to say.” 

“We can’t expect you to say this is okay but...” You tensed. “The least we can do help you...bury him.”

707 frowned, running his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, you guys already had to do that right...?”

His gaze locked onto you, a mix of anger and sympathy in his expression.

Yet malice clear in his voice.

“Guess you guys already chose the executioner.” 

“Don’t act as though they wanted any of this,” Jumin warned. “you know as well as I do that MC has never wanted to hurt any of us.” 

“Doesn’t really matter now does it?”

“Well...I’d be dead without MC.” Zen sheepishly admitted. “If they hadn’t got the others to come to the theater after me, I would’ve died.”

“Back at the University, They got us to the secure room,” Jahee offered you a supportive smile. “And they’ve had our backs this entire time.”

“Good to know.”

Zen stepped forward, letting out a sigh.

“707 what we’re trying to say is...none of us wanted this. Especially not MC, all we want is to stick together, all of us. We’re all we’ve got now.” 

Luciel held his breath. huffing with a sort of forced acceptance. 

“I don’t doubt that just-” He scoffed. “Just-come on. You can stay inside for a bit but you-you can’t stay. Not right now at least.” 

“Thank you,” Jahee dipped her head gratefully.

“...Whatever.” 

He lead you away from the past, giving his brother another forlorn glance before forcing himself to turn away, his hands curling into fists.

He ushered you inside of his home, shielding the way from the rest of you as he input the various security codes, a heavy groaning as the door was opened.

“Just-go inside.” He grumbled. “I need to go...clean up.” 

You weren’t quite sure what you had been expecting as you entered 707′s home for the first time.

But you weren’t exactly surprised to see it was messy. 

Clothes and soda cans littered the floor in heaps, computers lining just about every desk with numbers upon numbers of codes plastering the screens.

But more importantly, there was light.

Electricity was everywhere.

It seemed like a blessing to say the least.

A dark and murky one, but one nonetheless.

“There’s uh...chargers if you need one for your phones...” he muttered. “And I don’t know if you want I have clothes but uh...” He rubbed the back of his neck, nearing the door that lead to the hall.

“Do me a favor and just leave me alone.” 

His steps began to fade off against the tile floor, the sound of a shifting shower eventually flooding throughout the home.

“Well...we got here,” Zen shrugged, attempting to make the best of the situation. “That’s good right?”

“Not like this.” You shook your head, sitting down. “It can’t be good like this. He was yelling at us to leave earlier we shouldn’t be here!” 

Jumin kneeled down before you, cupping your face in his hands. 

“Love, we don’t have any other choice. If we leave him now he could hurt himself or do something worse,” His words were soft and tender. “He knows we had no other choice in our situation. We just need to try and make amends as best as we can.” 

“Is that even possible...?” You began to tremble, tears brimming in your eyes. “I-I shot his brother...”

Despite your utter guilt, you could never quite say you regretted what you had done.

The decision had been set from the moment it began.

And it would’ve always been Jumin.

Jumin was human, still aware and beside you.

He was the one keeping you alive.

Giving you joy when you thought such a thing was impossible. 

He refused to give up as long as you were with him.

And you refused to give up as long as he was with you.

That was something that’d never change.

“We had no way of knowing that,” Jumin told you. “He never mentioned any family of any kind. And even regardless, that wasn’t his brother anymore.” 

“Surely he was manipulated by the pleading,” Jahee theorized. “That’s how the infection spread so quickly after all. Preying on that instinct to help others.” She glowered. “Having it be his brother, was guaranteed to give some sort of reaction.” 

“From what you told us, it sounded like they had a rocky past too...” Zen inhaled thinly, thinking of his phrasing carefully. “Something 707 felt guilty for.” 

“I-I wasn’t going to let anything happen to you,” You muttered, looking to your husband. “Y-You told me to run b-but I couldn’t. I-I wouldn’t go-n-not without you.” 

He seemed utterly moved and touched by your words, almost never quite aware of how much he meant to you, pulling you close to him, embracing you. 

“I love you,” He hummed, quiet and hushed, fingers weaving through your hair.  “I love you so much, darling, I-I can’t even properly put it into words.” 

You buried your head in the crook of his neck, your shoulders heaving through the sorrow pouring from you. 

And yet you were still able to return the words, no truer feeling filling you.

“I love you too.” 

[duckybeth99]

Help (Pirate!AU)

sets this down and curls up in bed

—

Late one night, and Merhib found himself out of the manor on a walk.

He wanted a moment to himself, out in the town and with fresh air entering his lungs, not dusty books and papers covered in ink.

Ghost was back at the manor with Johnny, taking care of the baby the two were now left to raise. Merhib found himself treating him less as a son and more as a baby brother. Upon this thought, Merhib began to ponder if Ghost viewed him as a son.

A child to help.

He didn’t know if that was unprofessional or not. Well, he did, but he didn’t know if allowing that feeling was okay or not.

Merhib shook his head at the memories of family he already had. A mother who loved him but had to stay away and passed away when he was fourteen, a father who hated him and beat his maids, a half-sister born to another maid, a grandfather who hated him as much as his father did (and often did not acknowledge his existence)… if Ghost and Johnny would be his family, Merhib was beginning to think it would be a welcomed change.

Lost in his thoughts, Merhib didn’t notice the shadowy figures watching him from the alleyways.

Merhib went down to the shore, watching the waves gently rise at the beach, and let out a sigh. He looked up at the night sky, and a flash of a memory came to him. His fifteenth birthday, the singer he met, who he taught about constellations and gave a rose to… where was she now?

Maybe she was looking up at the same sky and thinking of him.

No. Too foolish. Too much of a fantasy.

Letting out another sigh, Merhib suddenly felt someone grab him and another put a gag in his mouth. The lord tried to scream and yell for help, trying tug himself free, but his captors held him too strong, too firm. He felt ropes tie around his wrists and he tried to kick up at one of the men.

He felt something smack the back of his head and everything went black.

The next moment he opened his eyes, he saw pirates hovering over him. He tried to scream out again, he started moving but his legs were tied like his hands. One of the pirates slipped off his glasses and tossed them aside.

“So this is the one who hates all pirates, huh?”

“All those lords and ladies do. But especially those with the Collins name.” Merhib found himself in a panic. He tried to shake himself free. The four pirates only laughed at him.

“Look at ‘im squirmin’ around,” another scoffed.

“Enough of this,” another pirate grumbled heavily. Merhib saw him cleaning off something with a cloth. The pirate pulled it away to reveal a dagger. Merhib’s heart was pounding out of his chest. “Time for the real show. Slit the throat and keep the head as a prize.” Merhib kept trying to scream for help despite the gag in his mouth.

The dagger was put against his throat.

The door slammed open.

“Captain Neva?!”

Merhib thought the name was familiar.

“You dare harm another person here, and you’ll be the next people with your throats slit,” the woman said. The pirates looked at each other nervously. “Let him go.” The pirates stood still. Neva moved past them to the table Merhib was lying on, grabbed her sword, and Merhib shut his eyes tight in fear of her harming him.

The sword came down against the ropes at his ankles and wrists.

She pulled the gag out of his mouth and put his glasses back on him. The lord coughed loudly from the cotton cloth and blinked at being able to see clearly again. Neva helped him sit up. The pirates stared at Neva in fear and did nothing as she helped Merhib. He looked at the pirates, then at Neva.

“You’re afraid of a woman?” Merhib asked. Neva glared at him and the pirates frowned. Neva moved intimidatingly close to Merhib. Their noses almost touched.

“Yes, they are,” she said. “And for good reason. I can tie you back up in three seconds flat and slit your throat without any play or hesitation unlike these ones.” Merhib almost panicked again and gulped. Neva drew back and looked at the pirates.

“Don’t let me catch you, the rest of your crew, your captain, or your ship in these waters again,” Neva grumbled. “Understand?” The lead in the group tried to speak, but Neva pointed her sword at his neck, her jaw clenched and her chest with a low rumble. “Understand?”

“Yes,” he pushed the sword down slowly and carefully. She gestured for the pirates to exit, then looked back to Merhib on the table. She slid her sword back into its holding and picked Merhib up. He looked surprised then frowned at her.

“I can walk for myself,” he said. Neva looked at him, shrugged, and dropped him back on the floor, making the lord yelp.

“Suit yourself,” she hummed with a little smirk. “But follow me. I’ll take you off their ship and make sure you get home safe.” Merhib stood up and dusted himself off.

“Aren’t you a pirate, too?” he asked, “How can I trust you?”

“I don’t know,” Neva shrugged, hands on her belt, “maybe it’s because I saved your life?” Merhib went quiet. “And if you think anything of what I said about hurting you, I don’t hurt people unless I have to.” Merhib was quiet. She opened the door and gestured for Merhib to follow. With no other choice, he did.

He hadn’t even realized he was on a pirate ship, that he had been kidnapped the whole way aboard. Neva led him off, the other pirates standing straight and still in fear. Any glare at Merhib was met with one from Neva, making them look down at the floor.

Once at shore, Neva lead him further away from the docks to be sure no pirates were planning to harm him. Merhib looked up the hill at his home.

“You don’t have to walk me the whole way,” he turned to face the captain. “Thank you for saving my life, though.”

“You’re welcome,” Neva nodded, “But I’m not sure it’s safe just yet. Those pirates could still be crawling down the alleyways. They’ll leave if you’re with me. Besides, I’m sure you’re gonna collapse any second.”

“From what?” Merhib raised a brow. Neva held back a giggle and smirked.

“From being knocked out over the head? Tied up and gagged? Shock of almost being killed?” Neva listed a few reasons. She looked Merhib up and down for a moment, then, “And the fact that you’re limping anyway and are clearly hurt.”

“What?” Merhib blinked. He looked at his leg, noting it wasn’t particularly in the best shape. The edges of his pants were torn, as were parts of his coat and cloak. Neva patted her shoulder.

“Lean on me,” she said. “I’ll help you back. You live up at that hill?”

“Uh-huh,” Merhib murmured. Neva pulled his arm over her shoulders and began to lead him back up to his home.

Merhib looked at her hair, long at her shoulders. It had a familiar color, with a tinge of red he couldn’t forget. Her skin was light brown, her lips looked soft, her eyes kind and familiar. She was familiar.

Neva looked at him, noticing his dark curls, messy that reminded her of the boy she once met. His glasses, his quiet demeanor, his—

“What did they want with you?”

His eyes. Those teal-blue ones.

“Kill me for being a lord,” Merhib grumbled. “Our history for trying to stop pirates.”

“Pirates like them?”

“All pirates. They all make chaos.”

“Even the ones who save your life?” Neva raised a brow. Merhib fell quiet. A tinge of guilt made his pulse jump. “You know, you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, as the saying goes. My crew isn’t like that. My friends’ crews aren’t like that. The Pirate Alliance isn’t like that at all. We try and help.”

“Pirate Alliance?” Merhib scrunched up his nose. Neva smiled.

“The AB Pirate Alliance,” she hummed. “Never heard of it?”

“No,” he whispered. Neva shrugged casually.

“I guess you’ll know now, huh?” she teased. “Don’t worry, I didn’t know them before I was part of them. It’s a long story of how I got here. Being a pirate captain, I mean.”

“What’s your name?” Merhib asked. Neva looked into his eyes again. A memory flooded back to him.

“Funny,” she chuckled, “I remember you knowing it when we first met.” Merhib felt his heart get caught in his chest.

“Nevada—”

“Most people call me Neva. Or, Captain Neva now.” Merhib smiled shyly, an excitement he was trying to contain.

“I thought I’d never see you again.”

“Me neither,” Neva smiled. But at the gates of the manor, the two looked up at it then back at each other. “But I guess this is when we have to part ways again.”

“We don’t have to,” Merhib quickly responded. Flustered by his action, he cleared his throat anxiously (oh god it still scratched from yelling and the cotton), and tried to stand straighter. “I mean… this doesn’t have to be goodbye again. We could… w-we could see each other again! Where do you live?”

“Pock Point,” Neva said, “It’s a little ways away from here, a secret place for only those in the Alliance. Besides, if I come here too often, my crew will get suspicious. And what would they think if I was… if I was…”

“Seeing me?” Merhib asked. Neva nodded. She slid her hat off, revealing the hair, still soft and beautiful, even with the passage of time, even with what she had been through. “And everyone would think it odd of me, as well. Especially because… you’re not…”

“I know,” Neva sighed. “It… was what made me not pursue you after the ball. I thought it would be impossible for us. Now, things are more impossible.” Merhib gently took hold of one of Neva’s hands.

“I’m willing to beat the impossible,” he looked her in the eyes, serious but kind and loving. Neva smiled gently. “We can write to each other.”

“I’ll write to you first,” Neva squeezed his hand gently, “So you know where my home is. There might be pauses when I’m sailing…” she looked down at his hand, then looked back up at Merhib with a smile, “but maybe when I’m out and close enough, I can manage secret trips to see you.”

“I would like that,” Merhib smiled. He gently stroked back a lock of Neva’s hair. He looked up at the manor gate, squinting at the garden in the back. A wider smile crossed his face. “Follow me.”

Running back behind the manor (or rather as close as they could with Merhib still being hurt), the young lord reached through the bars of the gate and plucked another rose for Neva. He held it out to her. She smiled at it, noting it’s color: burgundy.

“What does this one mean?” Neva teased. Merhib smiled down at the captain, with genuine love and care in his eyes.

“Undying love and unconscious beauty,” he whispered. He cupped Neva’s face. Her heart skipped a beat, but both closed their eyes and shared a kiss. The two slowly pulled back and stared at each other for a moment, before they felt giggles crawl up in them. They tried to hold it back for a moment, then both laughed together.

Merhib noticed a light inside the house and Johnny’s sounds or attempts to speak. He looked back at Neva and kissed her cheek.

“I have to go,” he said. “But this isn’t goodbye.”

“I know,” Neva smiled. “I’ll write to you. I promise. Just check everyday.”

“Goodnight, Neva,” Merhib stood on his own, pressing his forehead against Neva’s. She closed her eyes and breathed, holding the rose to her chest.

“Goodnight, Merhib,” she whispered back. She gently pulled away and began the path back down to the docks. Merhib was in shock that she had been real. That she was back.

That she remembered.

That she still loved him.

“My Lord!” Ghost called out a window, spotting the young man and bouncing Johnny in his arms, “What are you doing out there? Come inside! I was worried sick!”

Merhib nodded and managed his way back to the front of the house and unlocked the gate, before collapsing in front of the manor. Ghost heard him fall. Merhib heard him gasp and shout his name.

———

“A goodnight’s rest?” Ghost carried a tray with breakfast and tea for Merhib inside his room. The lord woke up groggily and looked at his wrist, wrapped up in a bandage.

“As good as it could have been,” he sighed. “My wrist hurts. What happened after I tried to come inside?”

“Well, you collapsed,” Ghost set the tray in front of Merhib, the young man quietly eating and listening, “and so I set Johnny down in the crib and came after you. You were out cold. I got you to stand up, but I suppose you were so out of it, you don’t remember. I got you back into your room, set you on the bed, and started to bandage up your wounds. I let you sleep and I still don’t know what happened. Perhaps you can answer that for me.” Merhib nearly choked on his roll.

“Uh,” he tried to think, taking a sip from his tea, “I went on my walk. And then… these pirates attacked me. Knocked me over the head, tied me up, and took me on their ship. They were ready to slit my throat and take my head.”

“Goodness gracious,” Ghost shook his head, his eyes wide in shock. “You were nearly killed! And again, by those dastardly…”

“But I’m alive!” Merhib stopped Ghost. After speaking with Neva, something didn’t sit right with him when speaking ill of pirates. “I’m alive.”

“Yes,” Ghost sighed, “but how did you escape?”

“It was… a string of events,” Merhib gave a sheepish smile. “But that’s not important. I’m alive and alright.”

“I wouldn’t say alright,” Ghost grumbled. “Ah, well. Finish up your breakfast and I’ll fix up your bandages, my Lord.”

“Thank you,” Merhib murmured. The steward left him to his meal. Merhib cupped the tea in his hand, gently and quiet, taking a deep breath of its scent, and drank it quietly.

He glanced over to his window, but the curtains were closed to block the sunlight from stirring him. But he wanted to see the water.

He wanted to see her sail away.

—

“Captain,” a pirate came up to Neva, causing her to gasp softly, “we’re ready to set sail. Are you alright?”

“Yes, of course,” Neva nodded. “Let the voyage begin, back straight to Pock Point. I’ll be up on the deck shortly.”

“Yes, Captain,” the pirate bowed and made her exit. Neva watched her go and waited for the door to her quarters to click shut. Once it did, she turned back to her desk and looked at the flower Merhib had given her last night.

She let out a happy sigh and hum, picking it up from her vase and pressing it to her chest.

“I’ll talk to you soon,” she whispered to it. She began to hum a song to herself, feeling the Songbird begin its voyage.

—

With his bandages newly applied and him dressed, Merhib turned to exit his bedroom, but stopped for a single moment. In his hesitation, he slowly turned around to his window.

He pulled back the dark velvet-like curtains and opened up the window to step out into the balcony. Breathing in the morning air, he felt the sea breeze blow through his curls. Merhib set his arms against the edge of the balcony, ignoring the minor jolts of pain from his wrists. He watched the crystal waters shimmer with the morning sun, the ships at the docks to deliver, to take, and—

and there was Neva’s ship.

He could only guess, but it was different than the others. It wasn’t the pirate ship he had been taken on, that was long gone. But her ship was bigger than the other boats. It had to be her.

Merhib watched her ship sail away from view and found himself rubbing his hands gently, soothingly. Loving and longingly.

“I’ll wait for you,” he murmured. “No matter how long it takes.”