#i love all the people at this clinic they're all great

[six-of-ravens]

I got a good grade in oral health, something normal to want and possible to achieve lol. this is a reminder to myself of how quick and painless dental appointments can be if u floss and brush and all that diligently.

also, this (new) hygienist explained to me today that my mouth is so tiny bc I had my pre-molars removed as a teenager, not because I'm a freak of nature! apparently they try not to remove teeth unless they have to anymore bc it can cause even more crowding issues later on in life...also with several thousand dollars of orthodontic work it is reversible! so I'll add that to my "things to do if I win the lottery" list lmao.

also hashtag confirmed my tongue is too big for my mouth and that's why I'm constantly biting it OTL

[imagine-nerd]

The fucking disconnect is so real.

[rogueddie]

Warmth and Safety T | 808 words Prompt for @steddielovemonth: Love is the heartbeat I can feel when I hug him

Steve knows he should be in his own hospital room. Not only so other people can visit too, but because of how his head spins as he struggles to walk down the corridor.

The white walls are too clinical, too metalic. They look nothing like the Russians underground lair, but mixed with the sharp stench of bleach and medicine? It's mixing into a cruel cocktail that has his instincts screaming for Robin.

He pushes forward, gritting his teeth and- trying- to ignore the memories trying to haunt him.

"Steve," Eddie greets, when he finally makes it through the door into his room, sounding exhausted. "What the hell, man?"

"I'm fine," Steve lies, hating how breathless he sounds. He sags into the chair next to Eddies bed, grimacing. "Just need a minute... catch my breath. There's, like, so many stairs."

Eddie is silent for a long moment, but Steve can feel his eyes boring into his head.

"What?"

"Wh- you shouldn't be here, man!" Eddie says. He sounds too exhausted for the stern tone to have any effect. "The nurses have told you already. You need to heal. You can't do that if you're dragging yourself around to... I don't know, check on us?"

"I need to make sure you're ok."

"We're in a hospital. We're as ok as we can get."

"I get that, but..."

The clock chimes, the earth rumbling as the town reads apart, Dustin's screams...

"Yeah, I know," Eddie sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I understand, alright? But you need to cut this shit out."

"I can't."

"Steve-"

"I need to know that you're alive. I need to know. It's not enough to hear that you're ok, I need to see it. I need to, Eds."

"Jesus Christ," he throws his head back, sighing heavy and dramatically.

But then he lifts his head, smirking a little as he opens an arm out towards him, beckoning him closer.

"Come here, big boy, let me give you a hug."

Steve rolls his eyes, but he does as he told, standing up so he was shuffle to the bed.

"You don't have to say it all creepy, man, you'll give me ideas."

"Promise?" Eddie wiggles his eyebrows. But his playfulness quickly morphs into exasperation again when he huffs out, "just sit down, Steve, come on, come here."

It takes a lot of gesturing and, eventually, slight man handling, but eventually Eddie gets Steve to lay down next to him. He tugs Steve's head down so his ear is resting on his chest and, with some hesitation, he curls an arm around Eddie's waist.

He can feel his heartbeat, thumping against his ear, matching the beeping of the monitor.

"There," Eddie mumbles, brushing his fingers down Steve's spine. "Better, right?"

"... yeah."

His heart is pounding, almost as much as Eddie's is. It's only a little reassuring that Eddie is just as nervous as him- he can only hope it's for the same reason.

"You need to take care of yourself too," Eddie continues. "Who's gonna run around after those brats of you don't heal right? Me? I'm a bad influence, Stevie, you know I'll make 'em worse."

"You'd do great, they love you."

"Noooo," he squeezes Steve a little tighter, whining as high as he can get his voice to go. "Please, I'm begging, I'll go insane if I have to deal with them alone!"

"Now you know how I feel."

"God, I wish I didn't," Eddie sighs, turning serious again so fast that Steve feels like he's getting whiplash. "This whole thing is fucked. Those kids are only, like, fifteen."

Steve hesitates for a moment, before whispering, "I was sixteen, when this all started. Back in 83.x

"Jesus."

"Yeah, it's... I don't know. Like, I know it's horrible, but I like it when it's like this. Everyone in one place, knowing that there's doctors and shit nearby."

"That's not horrible. You know they're being cared for."

"Yeah, but it's worse this time. Like... I keep thinking that one day I'll wake up and we won't have made it. This will be some stupid dream and you and Max..."

"We're still here," Eddie brings a hand up to his head, brushing his hair back. "You can feel it, right? I'm right here. We're not going anywhere."

Steve nods, closing his eyes so he can focus on Eddie's heartbeat.

"You know I love seeing you, right? Just... at least get a wheelchair or something. Please?"

Something is his chest cracks at how Eddie's voice breaks, how pained and desperate he sounds.

"Ok. I can do a wheelchair."

"Good. You start taking care of yourself and we can do this everyday."

"Promise?"

"Yeah," Eddie whispers, hand finally coming to a stop, cupping his cheek. "Yeah, I promise. Whenever and for however long you need. I'll be right here."

[florenzismind]

People have been baffled by Great immediately trusting Thyme over his brother but it makes sense to me (in the context of Thyme's "mission" at least)?

One of the first things we get to see as an audience is Great sitting far away from his family when they're eating dinner. It's a visual symbol in itself - Korn sits with his father, Great isolates himself from them.

Yes, Great seems to be closer to his brother, he clearly trusted him enough to seek him out when he had his first "vision" (or however you want to call them lmao) but Korn immediately dismissed it as Great being high or drunk and didn't take him seriously (I can't exactly fault him for that to be fair but to Great, it was pretty traumatic experience).

Then he meets Thyme at the hospital and sees them having intimate and loving sex. He doesn't see the cold, clinical version of Thyme, not for long anyway. Honestly, I think this vision is the only reason why Great even indulged any of Thyme's awkward flirting in the first place.

Then those following things happen: Thyme saves him, awkwardly flirts with him again. Worries about him and seeks him out and while he's joking about the visions at first he does take Great seriously and talks to his doctor friend immediately. They have a cute date and Great even allows himself to be vulnerable again. He gets visions of them holding hands, gently kissing.

Great is clearly very lonely and there's this person that cares about him in this awkward yet gentle way AND he even has visions of the future confirming that they'll be together in one way or another? What is there not to trust?

In the last week's episode he called Thyme first after his hospital vision, not Korn. He only called Korn after he couldn't reach Thyme which honestly was the first indicator on who he depends on NOW.

Now still people rightfully say "well that's his brother, why trust this man he's known for like a month?".

I think it has everything to do with Korn falling deeper and deeper into the shady part of the family business. Korn is literally moving further away from Great's (and Thyme's) shades of grey to his father's "darkness". Korn IS new to this. He' not comfortable with violence at all though he seems to further lose himself in this task to please his father and Great SEES that.

Korn doesn't have time for him anymore. He doesn't smile. He's doing some unknown business for his father that he can't say anything about. And he tells Great directly, this is important. He can't mess this up. But Great already knows by then what he's talking about. He's talking about holding another person hostage. Pleasing his father is more important to Korn than another person's life.

And Great's been forced by the universe (or maybe his own brain we don't know yet lmao) to actually make THE decision he wants to make. To not let the woman die. To protect Dome. He used his chances to do the right thing. He's witnessed people in his life being capable of killing someone else. People who maybe were a little bit shitty but he never thought they were capable of that.

Now there's this man who saves people for a living, who makes him feel loved, protected and cared for, telling Great that his parents are the reason for his parents dying. Great's parents that mean nothing but pain and loneliness to him. And he sees his brother trying to painfully please his father to the point of completely abandoning his moral compass.

The universe is constantly telling him to trust Thyme. Thyme will bring you love, the feeling you're seeking. Your brother, meanwhile, only tries to become this perfect puppet for their parents.

Great asked Korn to explain what kind of business he's doing. Korn answered him: it's incredibly important and he can't mess up. Great could've made Korn choose between him and his dad's business but he didn't. Yes, he "messed" it up but he didn't force Korn to choose.

Not yet anyway. This will become much more painful when Korn will actually have to choose and either fall deeper into the worst version of himself or try to become the man that Tonkla once idolized and Great once trusted.

[transmutationisms]

serious question but do you personally believe there is a way to approach psychiatry in a way that uplifts and upholds patient autonomy and wellness or is the entire trade essentially fucked haha. Btw this is an ask coming from a 3rd year med student—with a background of severe mental illness—who is considering a residency in psychiatry after receiving life-saving care in high school pertaining to said conditions. (I have peers who have been involuntarily hospitalized and treated horribly in psych wards, with approaches i patently disagree with, but was lucky not to experience. I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework. I also def agree with you that so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized—a great example being the whole “chemical imbalances in the brain is the ONLY reason why im like this” argument that ive unfortunately fallen hard for when i was younger and am still currently dismantling within myself…and like dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc). Like i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people—a lot of whom are just like me—but im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system, in ur opinion… ngghhhhhh i just want to be a good doctor to my patients…

(ps i love all ur writing and analysis on succession!! big fan mwah <333)

i don't mean to sound unduly pissy at you, specifically, but i do have to say: every single time i've talked about antipsych or broader criticism of medicine on this website, i immediately get a wave of responses like this, from doctors/nurses/psychs/students of the above, asking me to, like, reassure them that they're not doing something immoral or un-communist or whatever by having or pursuing these jobs. and it's honestly frustrating. why is it that these conversations get re-framed around this particular line of inquiry and medical ego-soothing? why is it that when i say "the medical encounter is not structured to protect patient autonomy or well-being," so many people hear something more along the lines of "doctors are mean and i wish they were nicer"? why is it that it's impossible to discuss the philosophical and structural violence of academic and clinical medicine without it becoming a referendum on the individual morality of doctors?

i'm choosing to read you in good faith because i think it's possible to re-re-frame this line of questioning to demonstrate to you the sorts of critiques and inquiries i find more interesting and more conducive to patient autonomy and liberation. so, let me pick apart a few lines of this ask.

"is the entire trade essentially fucked?"

if you're thinking of trying to 'reform' the project of medical psychology within existing infrastructures and institutions, then yeah, it's fucked. if you're still assuming that affective distress can only be 'treated' within this medical apparatus (despite, again, no psychiatric dx satisfying any pathologist's understanding of a 'disease' ie an aberration from 'normal' physiological functioning) then you're not challenging the things that actually make psychiatry violent. you're simply fantasising about making the violence nicer.

"I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework."

i hate when i talk about psychotropic drugs being marketed to patients using lies like the chemical imbalance myth, and then pushed on patients—including through outright force—by psychiatrists, and the discussion gets re-framed as one about 'overprescribing'. my problem is not with people taking drugs. i am, in fact, so pro-drugs that i think even the ones administered in a clinical setting sometimes have value. my issue is with, again, the provision of misleading or outright false information, the use of force and coercion to put patients on such drugs in order to force social conformity and employability, and the general model of medicine and medical psychology that assumes patients ought to be passive recipients of medical enlightenment rather than active participants in their own treatment who are given the agency to decide when and how to engage with any form of curative or meliorative intervention.

'holistic' medicine and psychiatry do not solve this problem! they are not a paradigm shift because they continue to locate expertise and epistemological authority with the credentialed physician, and to position patients as too sick, stupid, or helpless to do anything but receive and comply with the medical interventions. there are certainly psychotropic drugs that are demonstrably more harmful than others (antipsychotics, for example), and some that are demonstrably prescribed to patients who do not benefit from them and are even harmed by them. conversely, there are certainly forms of intervention besides pharmaceuticals that people may find helpful. but my general critique here is aimed less at haggling over specific methods of intervention, and more at the ideological and philosophical tenets of medicine that cause any interventions to be imposed by force or coercion on patients, then framed as being 'for their own good'. were suffering people given the information and autonomy to actually choose whether and how to engage in any kind of intervention, some might still choose drugs! my position here is not one of moralising drugs, but making the act of taking them one that is freely chosen and available as an option without relying on physician determination of a patient's interests over their own assessment of their needs and wants.

"so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized"

true, but don't misunderstand me as saying that drugs or any other form of intervention should be forcibly withheld from those who do want them and are made fully aware of what risks and harms seeking them could entail. again, this would still be an authoritarian model; my critique is aimed at increasing patient autonomy, not at creating equally authoritarian and empowered doctors who just have slightly different treatment philosophies.

"dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc"

ok, framing this as "demonisation" tells me that you're not understanding that, again, this is a systemic and structural critique. it is certainly true that a great many doctors currently are, and have historically have been, outright racist, trans/misogynist, ableist, and so on. framing this as a problem of a well-intentioned discipline being corrupted by some assholes is getting it backwards. medicine attracts prejudiced people, not to mention strengthens and promotes these prejudices in its entire training and practice infrastructures, because of its underlying philosophical orientation toward enforcing 'normality' as defined by 18th-century statistics and 19th-century human sciences that explicitly place white, cis, able-bodied european men as the normal ideal that everyone else is inferior to or failing to live up to. doctors who really nicely tell you that you're too fat are still using bmi charts that come from the statistical anthropometry of adolphe quételet and the flawed actuarial calculations of metlife insurance. doctors who really nicely deny you access to transition surgery are still operating under a paradigm that gives the practitioner authority over expressions and embodiments of gender. the issue isn't 'demonisation', it's that medicine and psychiatry explicitly attempt to render judgments about who and what is 'normal' and therefore socially 'healthy', and enforce those standards on patients. this is not a promotion of patient well-being, but of social conformity.

"i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people"

let me ask you a few questions. you say that you like your psych rotations... but how do your patients feel about them? is their autonomy protected? are they in treatment by free choice, and free to leave any time they wish? are they treated as human beings with full self-determination? if you witnessed a situation in which a patient was coerced or forced into a certain treatment, or in which you were not sure whether they were consenting with full knowledge or freedom, would you feel empowered to intervene? or would doing so threaten your career by exposing you to anger and retaliation from your higher-ups? what higher-ups will you be exposed to as a resident, and then as a practicing physician? could you practice in a way that committed fully, 100%, to patient autonomy if you were working at someone else's practice, or in a hospital or clinic? could you, according to current medical guidelines, even if you had your own practice?

when you say "this is the manner in which i would like to help people", what do you mean by "this"? can you define your philosophy of treatment, and the relationship and power dynamic you want to have with any future patients? is it one in which you hold authority over them and see yourself as determining what's in their 'best interests', even over their own expressed wishes? have you connected with patient advocates, psych survivors (other than your friends), and radical psychiatrists and anti-psychiatrists who may espouse heterodox treatment philosophies that you could consider? do you think such philosophies are sufficient for protecting patient autonomy and well-being, or are they still models that position the physician's judgment and authority over that of the patient?

"im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system"

and here is the crux of the problem with this entire ask. you are wondering how to sleep at night, if you are participating in a career you find morally distasteful. where, though, do your patients enter into that equation? do you worry about how they sleep at night, after having interacted with a system of social violence that may very well have traumatised them under the guise of providing help? why does your own guilty conscience worry you more than violations of your patients' bodies, minds, and basic self-determination?

i can't tell you whether your career path is morally acceptable to you. i don't think this type of guilt or self-flagellation is fruitful and i don't think it helps protect patients. i don't, frankly, have a handy roadmap sitting around for creating a new system of medicine and health care that rests on patient autonomy. affective distress is real, and is not something we should have to bear alone or with the risk of having violence inflicted upon us. what you need to ask yourself is: how does the medical model and establishment serve people experiencing such distress? how does it perpetuate violence against them? and how do you see yourself countering, or perpetuating, such violence as someone operating within this discipline? what would it mean to be a 'good' actor within a violent system, if you do indeed believe that such a thing is ontologically possible?

[rainbowcarousels]

Baby Genesis Headcanons (just because)

Genesis was the first baby born from the project. We know it was canonly either Angeal or him, but with a name like Genesis and the fact Deepground was set up after his birth rather than Angeal's, it makes sense he's the first baby.

He was also a premature baby. Given what we know of the process of the jenova babies happening, it's likely his biological mother died from mutations not unlike we see at Nibelheim given this was where the Jenova project was set. That would also imply that Genesis and Angeal were also Nibelheim babies as it seems there were multiple labs there from what we've seen in DoC and Rebirth.

Since we know whatever is in Genesis's genetic structure that's unusual was there at birth from the DoC guides, I tend to think this means some aspects of cell degeneration were already there there too. As such, I don't think his pre-SOLDIER immune system was great and he was the type of kid who got every cold and cough under the sun. It led to him spending a lot of time curled up books.

Spent more time at Angeal's or in the caves than he did at home. By the age of ten, he had mastered getting out of Angeal's window just to knock on the door as if he was arriving. Angeal's parents know of these shenanigans, point out they know but Genesis still continued to do it because he has always commited to the bit.

I do think Genesis is far more fond of Angeal's parents than he is of his own. Loves his own, obviously, but their relationship is far more complicated for reasons he doesn't understand and I think it says something Gillian displayed pictures of both of them. The woman might be stone cold in some ways (such as putting her guilt before saving her kid) but I think there is a sense of responsibility with Genesis and for whatever it was worth, I think Genesis honestly thought she'd help without getting Angeal involved because of that relationship.

Genesis had private lessons compared to Angeal doing the village hall packet classes. Whether he actually studied all of it is questionable, but he's always had enough charm and unapologetic gumption to get away with things. The utter hilarity that Angeal seems to have been seen as more of a bad influence will never get old.

Genesis did not know he was fostered at all, so this provides a certain amount of confusion to his childhood interactions with his parents. It's said that they 'grew' to love him, but he absolutely remembers that detatchment and doesn't really understand it. It's a wedge that sits between them for a long time, assuming maybe they didn't particularly want kids when he happened so he's a bit of an inconvenience and they're just dealing with that.

I absolutely believe Genesis' biological father is Gast. If he's the first baby and Gast is definitely caught in the excitement, I can see him deciding well he's too human, he can go have a quiet life in an apple orchard and given Shinra's surveillance, it's easy enough to check in on him if need be. I don't think he ever really considers Genesis his, it was very much a clinical process unlike with Ifalna, but does consider the kids his in a very broad sense of being part of the project. There's a disconnect there that - not unlike Gillian - he can really only see his own guilt and mistakes rather than the living, breathing kids it produced.

Genesis's first summon was found in the caves under Banora. It was a summon - for me, I use Ifrit - and he spent so much time and energy leveling it up and delving into fire and magic that they became his most intense disciplines as an adult. That said, people definitely....misplaced materia around him, oops, how did that happen? (Yuffie would be proud)

Given that Banora was the freezer for Project G, I think he and Angeal were the only kids around their age for a long time and they've been codependent as hell ever since. I think there is an aspect of Jenova cells recognising each other as much as it's being the only two little kings of the castle for their village for a good while, but the result is the same: getting seperated for great lengths was a lot harder when they got into SOLDIER because they'd spent their whole lives around each other (more than they know).

Genesis's interest in exploration of gender nonconformity grew out of the magazines and things that he could get from Midgar. I think originally it was just a bonding thing with his mum, like he learned how to make drinkslike a Little Adult from an early age. I think that doing things like nails or learning about make up was just a way to get his mother to talk at length without any weirdness creeping in but he developed a genuine passion for it as a form of individualistic self expression. Especially later around Sephiroth.

I think Genesis talks at people more so than to them because he grew up in a big house with very few people around and the silence was deafening. Even as a little kid, I think he just talked aloud. It just made him feel lonely, so filling that silence became a way of dealing with that and so, years on, when no one is listening to him, he's used to that. It's a good way to get past the 'you never told me that' thing because he can sneak in that he knocked over one of Angeal's bug infested monstrosities when Angeal isn't listening between LOVELESS arguments.

[nepenthendline]

For the headcanons request, could you do O, R, T for Diluc? Oh, and maybe H, V and X for Neuvillette!

No pressure of course!

Have a great day!!!

I miss diluc man

have a great day too!

requests open for headcanons <3

Diluc

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It takes Diluc a long time before he feels comfortable opening up for multiple reasons: difficulty trusting people and feeling like his baggage is too heavy for others to carry being the biggest reasons. Diluc would start opening up before your relationship has formed, however, as he would need to be close friends with you for a while before taking that next step. Whilst it terrifies him to open up, share his past and his worries, he does see it almost like a test to see if you're the one for him - when you stay, listen, hold him when things get difficult to hear, then he knows that this, the two of you, is right.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Diluc's favourite memories and moments may seem dull or mundane to others, but, to him, he feels blessed by the archons to have someone in his life that loves him and wants to go through life by his side. One of his favourite moments is the two of you tending to the vineyard together - whilst he doesn't like alcohol, he does enjoy pruning the vines and picking the fruits. His memory includes him teaching you how to take care of the vines and know when the fruits are at the most perfect ripeness for picking - it was a day full of warmth, laughter, and love.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Whilst Diluc isn't one for extravagent celebrations or gifts, he does care a lot about special moments for the two of you. When it comes to gifts, Diluc tends to gift you smaller, yet more frequent, presents. He's very much a 'I saw this and thought of you' type of person. They're never often large or expensive things, but it always warms your heart that he remembers so much about the things you like and enjoy.

As for dates and anniversaries, as long as the two of you are together and alone, that's enough for him. For him, the purest displays of your love together is in moments of peace. Diluc is a busy man, however, so he often plans dates in advance to ensure time is carved out for the both of you, and he rarely ever cancels unless its an emergency - anything else can wait. Dates with Diluc often involve picnics, dinners in a candle-lit restuarant, or stargazing. Diluc enjoys celebrating your anniversaries, after all, he finds there's nothing more to celebrate than being able to be by your side for another year.

Neuvillette

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Despite being alive for over 500 years, he's rarely ever hugged anyone before you. The only time being the occasional hug from a melusine whenever they got too excited or happy over something. At first, hugs feel a little too clinical with Neuvillette, but he soon realises how wonderful it feels to have you in his arms, and how he feels at home for the first time in his life. Once he figures this out, he'll pull you into a hug whenever he has the chance (envrionment permitting - he is an important figure after all, so hugs tend to be a private thing for the two of you). Hugs with Neuvillette are long - since he's never really hugged before, he doesn't know or understand how long or short a hug is mean't to be, so he just holds you until it feels right or he has to let go for whatever reason. His hugs are warm and comforting - one arm around your lower back and one around your shoulders to pull you as close as possible, and his face is always buried in your neck or hair. His hugs are ones you feel your body melting into, and you can feel his body succumb to the same,

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Neuvillette doesn't really have much concept of self-regard when it comes to his looks - he doesn't think of himself as being attractive or not, he is just who he is. His apperance is part of his role as Iudex and as Soverign Dragon, so there's no need for him to like or dislike it. Being as important as he is, he always ensures that he is presentable and well-groomed, although he does wish that he could relax with his apperance sometimes, like getting his hair out of the way or wearing more comfortable clothing, but it isn't something he every dwells on for long. He is proud and privileged that he has a role in life where he needs to be presented the way he is, so he won't ever take that for granted.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Neuvillette loves when you brush his hair for him or braid it - sometimes he likes to just close his eyes and relish in the feeling of your hands running through his hair. Being as long and thick as it is, it can be a pain to manage sometimes, and it warms his heart to know that you're willing to help him with that burden. Also, he looks incredibly pretty with a side braid.

[vegaseatsass]

I'm rewatching Manner of Death with my friends who have never seen it in advance of 4 Minutes Friday, and experiencing Inspector M with people who have seen Wandee Goodday and more or less shriek like they're at a Beatles concert every time Great comes onscreen means I'm paying a lot more attention to his character this time around instead of just giggling at his incompetence and gratuitously tight uniform, then redirecting my attention. We all firmly believe he's in love with Doctor Bun but physiologically incapable of not fumbling that bag every chance he gets; I cannot believe M had a chance to court the hot doctor before every other character in the series fell in love with him, and he left Bun alone at a club to go pratfall into his future husband's arms instead of properly wining and dining him himself. Absolutely a metaphor for his police work. For me the absolute funniest thing M did so far was get REALLY insulted and upset when Doctor Bun said cops were wasting taxpayer dollars, like this really genuinely hurt his feelings, and go out of his way to follow ONE SINGLE CLUE (the abortion clinic clue he got from the journalist's laptop which BUN put all the effort and legwork into finding and rightfully steals back later), finally do ONE SINGLE PIECE OF WORK (but also arrest Fan, the town hero, so even his one win comes with innate-to-the-job copfails), and come running back to freely hand Bun police documents and bring him into a police interrogation just so he can be like see? see? I am helpful and good! I am still an eligible bachelor in a uniform three sizes too tight wyd tonight

Like he actually says out loud "Now do you think the police are wasting taxpayer dollars :D?" after he does this. He genuinely wants Doctor Bun's approval so badly despite making choice after choice that confirms every ACAB opinion he has. Lol I don't know if I can get across how funny I am finding it but I do think his writing is pretty great in that he is a COP cop, he obviously really believes in the police as an institution and will always choose them first and obey his commander's commands, but this hot man reading him to filth every time he turns around is still shaking him and making him want himself and the police as an institution to be able to be something they're not. Which is an entertaining position for an incompetent policeman to find himself in. I am enjoying it greatly.

[noxlysium]

Why Jean is so important to me

Welcome to my insane ramblings, enjoy your stay (or don't). Most of this is also very self-indulgent, by the way. Warning: Mentions of abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, self-destructive thoughts I'd also like to remind you that this isn't me justifying Jean's behavior in any way, he's a fucking asshole and doesn't know how to handle Harry, or himself. They're both flawed individuals and that's okay. This is just me talking about my own experiences. Now that we got that out of the way, let's get to the actual thing.

I'm not even sure where to start. When I first found out Jean had clinical depression, I immediately felt a connection. It's relatable. Very relatable, in fact. I myself have been depressed for years. It all started at a young age, I was about 13, but due to trauma it could be very much earlier than that. I don't remember much from my childhood because most of it are bad memories. I'm 21 now and still going through a lot of shit, so it's been about 8 years. Jean strikes me as a guy who has been fucked over his entire life, no matter where he goes or what he does. It always comes back to him. After I have finished DE for the first time and looked more into the lore of Jean and Harry, I started to notice the similarities between the relationship with him and Harry, and the relationship with me and my own parents.

I know what alcohol does to people, I've seen it all. And it's not great for either parties. I'm stuck in a repetitive cycle of wanting to help someone to get better, only to realize that they don't want to get better and then I start building hope again. Rinse and repeat. I know I cannot change them. But I keep hoping for a change anyway, and get upset when it never comes. Of course it doesn't. No matter what I've tried. I have tried so many times. I'm a fucking hypocrite because I sometimes drink as well. I don't want to become like them. I drink for fun every once in a while and try to not over-do it, because every time I touch alcohol, something in the back of my mind tells me I'm becoming like my father. I thought about smoking a few times, but I don't want to destroy myself like my mother does. I'm really fucking scared of smoking and its consequences. Which is funny, because I should be as scared when it comes to alcohol, but I'm not. They both drink every day at 3 pm, after work. Every single day.

And it has been like this for years. Nothing has ever changed. A few months ago I had an actual discussion with my parents. We usually never have these sort of conversations (That's the issue, by the way. A very big lack of communication. Does that ring any bells?) and I was actually surprised when they told me they wanted to lay off the alcohol. I tried to approach the topic carefully and even offered them help (therapy etc.) but.. they also didn't want that. They straight up told me they don't need help. Which is really fucking frustrating because I want them to understand that they do, but they don't care.

I know change is really fucking hard and I've been there, but my parents had so many opportunities to change and never took them. Nothing has changed for so many years and I'm tired of it. I'm waiting for a change to happen but I know it's never coming anyway. I'm tired, mad, disappointed. That's how Jean feels about Harry, he just doesn't know how to help him and is an ass about it. And I'm just letting it happen, because there's nothing else I can do. I'm watching them destroy themselves every day and it fucking hurts. Something in me still feels a tiny flame of hope, when in reality that flame is already extinguished. I want people to understand, my father really fucking reminds me of Harry. The emotional abusive, the physical abuse, the alcoholism, the sexist remarks.. It just screams Harry. Especially given with how he had been around people Pre-Martinaise, which I have read in the game inside the damaged ledger. The fact that I love Harry to a certain degree says a lot of things.

The marriage between my parents is like if Dora never left Harry, and it's fucking awful.

-

That is mostly why I can relate to Jean so much. There's also some smaller things and I'll get to those now.

He fucking sucks at feelings. You can see it with the way he's trying to handle Harry, and it's not working.. Which, yeah. I suck at those too.

He likes to hide his sadness underneath a layer of cynicism and sarcasm as a coping method.. I do this all the fucking time.

Let's face it, this man is a fucking nervous wreck. He picks at his facial hair and displays a lot more habits like that, like him fixing his clothes (even though they look clean, according to one of the skills in the game), running his hand through his hair.. I do this without even realizing it.

He's depressed and fucking empty on the inside. He most likely hasn't felt real love from anyone or for himself in years. He needs therapy (lots of it), anti-depressants and a hug.. And I know what that feels like. I know it too well.

Lastly, he's a fucking mess. Like in every single way imaginable.. Again, very relatable.

Jean is such an amazing character for me to project on, to relate to and to find comfort in. I'm glad they made him fucked up, because that's what I love about him. He has so many flaws and I love every single one of them. He's in the game for like 15 minutes or less, but the impact he's had on me is insane. I've had a fair share of characters I would obsess over, but Jean hits different.

I'm so glad Jean-Heron Vicquemare exists, because I wouldn't know where I would be if I never met him. I want to thank my lovely friend (who is not on here, but I'm still saying it because I care about him a lot) for gifting me this amazing game.

And I want to thank you for reading this mess of a post.

If you have made it this far, I want to show you one last thing.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Hello! 🌸 First of all I want to say that I love the way you write, you are very creative! And, I would like to ask something about angst and sadness, you could write how Mr Qi would react if the farmer was seriously injured in one of his special missions, if everything got out of his control. Thank you for your work!

- 🌸

*Sob* Thank you so much for your kind words, dear anon! 🥹💖

I'm not sure if you wanted neutral Mr. Qi, or Mr. Qi/Farmer, so I made this headcanon neutral. Enjoy! 🫰

_________________________________________

Mr Qi knew very well that his special quests were difficult and very dangerous compared to the previous ones. But the reward for victory was also sweeter. Countless treasures and incredible magical items that were definitely a good motivation for Farmer to try and strive for the goal. At times, Qi felt that what mattered to Farmer was not even the reward itself, but the realisation that they had won, passed an impossible test, proved to themselves that they could do anything if they were diligent and determined enough.

Mr. Qi didn't doubt the Farmer's intelligence either, knowing that they wouldn't go into battle with their bare hands, that they wouldn't go into the Skull Cavern when the spirits didn't favour them, that the task was out of the question without at least minimal preparation.

Farmer was young, and young people were prone to making mistakes. Except if you took the path of an adventurer, a mistake could be fatal.

Yoba alone knows, and Mr Qi himself, how he can sense that Farmer is in danger at a given moment. And who would even ask that question? The fact remains. Mr Qi had always sensed Farmer's location in the Skull Cavern, and the wild monsters that swarmed in the bowels of the earth, his domain. He could always feel the living energy within the young adventurer blazing brightly. At times it was a little dimmer, for Farmers were exhausted and wounded, but never anything serious.

That day, their energy was almost gone.

In the blink of an eye, Qi moved to level 104, right beside the bloody, dirt and dust covered Farmer. There was very little breathing. The serpents and slimes, wild, disobeying Qi but feeling the wrath of his magic inside, quickly moved away, hiding in the shadows and not daring to come out of there.

The magic of quickly healing others was not something out of reach for the great Mr Qi. But... This was the first time Farmer looked this bad. So much blood on the floor, lacerations, scratches, and fang and claw marks. He did everything he could to keep Farmer from dying in his arms. No, they can't die. They are strong, his best warrior. They are the grandchild of his old friend, who will definitely not forgive him if Farmer goes to their forefathers before their due date.

The essentials are done. And now Qi has no choice but to move them straight to the hospital in Pelican Town. The doctor will do the rest.

Some part of Mr Qi thought that maybe he was suggesting that Farmer bite off more than they could swallow. But Farmer would not back down. As before, Farmer will try again and again. They're determined and stubborn, just like their Grandfather. Heh, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree..... Qi will at least make sure it won't happen again. A little spell before he moves Farmer to the Clinic. A defence spell that, in the second before they death, Farmer will be transported away from danger. Mr Qi hoped this spell wouldn't be necessary.

[kouyou-arc-when]

Hey, this is a great ask and I am so sorry for not replying earlier. I am responding like this because I actually broke the character limit since I'm dumb -_- I've written a lot of posts about this on reddit, and many people came up to me and asked me something similar. Your line of thinking is good. Regarding Dazai:

So, the thing is - to properly diagnose any personality disorder, you need to talk to that very person to understand their inner mechanisms. There are certain behavioral traits we can observe from the outside and make some guesses based on that: for example, Dazai's broadly dented empathy and why that's often found in people with ASPD.

However, for many other personality disorders it is very difficult to conclude much without the person saying ~I feel x because of y. I do c because of b.

Why? Personality disorders are internal structures that cause a person's behavior to be challenging to either them or others. To understand these mental processes is much more demanding than seeing a person just feels sad or anxious, to explain it simplistic terms.

The key behind many disorders is to know WHY a person is doing what they're doing. This one thing changes whether a person has x,z,y,t,n or whatever condition.

An example: BPD and CPTSD are often mistaken for one another. Same as with BPD, CPTSD, Autism and ADD in women, but BPD and CPTSD tend to have the largest "overgap", you can even have both at the same time. That's because many of the outside observable symptoms are the same.

An example: unstable relationships are a symptom of ALL of the above, but BPD is sort of...an outdated PD according to many specialists due to the fact that it was used as an "everything" disorder, where people with socially unconventional emotions were dumped. That's why you'll find two people with BPD that are almost nothing alike.

However, even if we hold to classic diagnostic criteria, let me show how the same symptom can be a product of entirely different circumstances.

For example: Someone with BPD will have unstable relationships due to an extreme fear of abandonment. Someone with Autism may have unstable relationships due to differences in communication styles Someone with ADHD will have unstable relationships due to various circumstances: emotional regulation, executive functioning etc.

So really, the outward result may be the same, but the cause is different.

However, now, typically the main reason someone could have BPD is either due to extreme splitting, favorite person behavior, numbness and/or abandonment issues.

Dazai 100% has "favorite person" syndrome going on with Oda - the way he idealized Odasaku and then devalues everyone around him in comparison is pretty clinical - doesn't mean their relationship isn't lovely, but it's certainly something a therapist would take note of.

It's no shocker Dazai has unstable relationships, but we don't 100% know why he does what he does.

That's the whole thing Asagiri said - the character is meant to be like a donnut, where you don't really know what's in the middle - so it's extremely difficult to say which PD fits him for sure, probably even more difficult than the average neurodivergent character. In my opinion, several interpretations of Dazai are simultaneously valid due to the fact that you could assume multiple personal struggles within him, and come to a reasonable conclusion.

Does Dazai have abandonment issues? He says he always loses everything he wants, is EXTREMELY bitter over Ango, and definitely shows some levels of "splitting", especially in how he treats Oda vs Ango, Akutagawa vs Atsushi etc etc.

I'm pretty confident he has PTSD, and everything that comes with that. He certainly has a personality disorder too, due to the fact that a lot of his difficulties stem from his personality, and not just brain chemistry.

Kunikida says that most of his emotions "seem" like an act, which raises a lot of questions to what is even happening on the inside. Asagiri said Dazai is really only himself in front of people like Oda and Fyodor. That version of Dazai is...much less cheerful than with everyone else.

I don't personally think Dazai is autistic since he has a good hang on social cues and overall communication. Mamoru Miyano said PM Dazai was still learning to communicate with others back in his Dark Era days, but it wasn't that he couldn't do it - he was just not interested in learning it.

I feel like Asagiri gave Dazai this "unrealistic" trait of being primarily isolated because he's extraordinarily intelligent (which is not how geniuses tend to feel irl, most of the time) but I always feel like there is something more to it.

There is definitely some /disconnect/ between Dazai and "normal" people, where he doesn't fully seem to understand certain things, he falls short there. As someone who has CPTSD diagnosed, I get the impression he maybe has a similar thing going on as many of us: A extremely traumatic experience disrupted a lot of normal emotional and cognitive processes, and now he's both extremely hypervigilant and unable to snap out of that "shellshocked" state. He needs to "perform" conventionality, and being a normal person.

In one wan chapter, he "made a joke" that you start doing one bad thing after another, and suddenly you feel nothing at all. That's the trademark numbness in both CPTSD and BPD.

There was this TDIPUD moment where he talks about how a personality is just a bunch of unstable premises that survive to uphold the basic instincts of the human mind - but how it's easily destroyed for that reason. This is a scene where he tortures the guy, and I was like "wow, I really get it". Severe trauma can just destroy the very structure of your personality, because extreme pain just numbs everything within you. "You" as a person can't survive.

BPD is also related to an unstable sense of self - which could be connected to the former paragraph. Sometimes lowered empathy is also a byproduct of BPD, in fact, the thing is that both BPD and CPTSD come from trauma 99% of the time. They're shockingly similar disorders.

So, does Dazai have BPD? No idea. He could also be schizoid to some extent, which is funny, because Franz Kafka had this disorder, the author that inspired Asagiri's nickname.

For now, I'd just leave at he has CPTSD for sure

Most of these disorders are very broad descriptors, and it's difficult to label most humans in a way that will genuinely encompass what their experiences are. Most of the time, these diagnostics are used to match a person with the best treatment available, or to explain what they're going through - so I don't think there is a perfect diagnosis for Dazai aside from PTSD, but he's definitely extremely neurodivergent. Thanks for reading <3

[amaiguri]

Meet My Mutuals #MeetMyMoots

Friends and mutuals, I am starting a new tag called #MeetMyMoots. Something I see discussed on here a lot is about how Tumblr used to have more actual community, less social-media-ness and I think community is cool and important. And I've been neglecting my Tumblr anyway. So, I'm gonna be the change I want to see in the world and get you guys all connected -- and then you should each introduce me to YOUR mutuals and then we'll all start having stronger community circles.

Please try not to put anyone on blast who doesn't want to be on blast -- I limited this one to people who explicitly said they were open to tag games, asks, friends, etc.

Okay, without further ado and in no particular order, let's introduce everyone!

@theprissythumbelina is a horse girl and writer. She posts GREAT posts about horses and the way they work now and the jobs formed around them... Right now, I think her (and I think she/her pronouns) big WIP is Mortal Sparks -- it's about wars and necromancy and complicated mother-daughter relationships.

@tower-of-hana (she/it pronouns) is a conlanger! She shit-posts about linguistics and I love that. They're great. If you want more linguistics in your life, this is your entity!

@maiemorrae (she/her) is a writer who also plays games, especially the Sims. Right now, she's working on... (I mean, I'd call it an "IP" but that sounds so clinical but WORK WITH ME) a collection of stories and books and games set in her gaslamp fantasy world of Luctine! The barrier between life-and-death vanished and now people who use magic are highly regulated. It's very cool Spooky Victorian vibes.

(...Why are these images progressively getting bigger? I don't understand...) @anyablackwood (she/her) is one of my earliest moots. She writes a lot of different things but I THINK she just started overhauling her Big One TM (Feel free to chime in!) that's a wlw story set in Heian Japan. She's a really active member and we trade a lot of tag games! But I'd love to get more familiar with her work in specific!

@moonfeatherblue (aka Blue Mooney on YouTube) is a Vtuber and a writer? One of the few, one of the proud *Salutes*. Blue has a couple of big works (that I was supposed to read and edit and then my life fucking imploded I'm sorry I'm a bad mutual *Sobs*) but also writes and brainstorms short stories with her YouTube chat! I love her, even though I don't get to spend nearly enough time with her lolol

@pluttskutt (she/her) is a fantasy writer who writes for the joy of it! She has a lot of different stories, mostly about ace/aro people (Iand she's very active -- always posting picrews and aesthetics and participating in tag and ask games. She also runs the Trick-or-Treat writer tag in Octobers! <3

-----------------------------------------------------------------

AHHHHHH and that's all I'll inundate you all with now! Very excited to be back on Tumblr more actively! :D I'll try to do another of these sometime to cover more of my very cool Moots. And also, open tag to anyone else who would like to introduce me to their Moots too <33333

Like I said: This is about building stronger community :3

(And if anyone wants to be removed for some reason, let me know!)

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM NOTTING HILL *  assorted dialogue from the 1999 film, adjust as necessary

can i stay for a while?

i went out in my goddamn underwear.

you are lovelier this morning than you have ever been.

wait, what about me?

do you wanna come up?

there seems to be lots of reasons why i shouldn't.

i thought you were leaving tomorrow?

would you like something to eat?

i enjoyed the movie very much.

i love that you tried.

i'm sorry i'm so late.

it just got to the point where i couldn't remember any of the reasons why we were together.

nevertheless, they're yours if you want them.

ah, that's not yogurt. that's mayonnaise.

nice try gorgeous, but you don't fool anyone.

exactly. here we go again.

i just wanted to apologize for my friend. he's very sensitive.

do you feel that way?

can i ask you why you are wearing that?

do you want to stay?

you haven't slept with her, have you?

which way are you going?

how do i look?

god that's an enormous arse.

the thing is, with you i'm in real danger.

i'm sure you didn't mean any harm.

james bond never has to put up with this sort of shit.

sorry, you think you deserve the brownie?

you can stay forever.

that is a cheap question and the answer is, of course, no comment.

let me just have a quick look.

would you like a cup of tea before you go?

do you always have to say no to everything?

it's as if i've taken love heroin, and now i can't ever have it again.

it's a clinical thing.

no no no! i thought you were someone else.

you know what they say about men with big feet.

sorry about the "surreal but nice" comment.

is this your first film?

what's the pay like in movies? i mean. last movie. how much did you get paid?

you said "whoopsidaisies."

do you ever masturbate?

no one knows why some things work out and some things don't.

she said she wanted to go out with you?

everyone in the world knows who you are.

i'm also just a girl... standing in front of a boy... asking him to love her.

what is it about men and nudity? particularly breasts? how can you be so interested in them?

every time i get my heart broken, the newspapers splash it about as though it's entertainment.

the more i think about things, the more i see no rhyme or reason in life.

one day not long from now, my looks will go, they'll discover i can't act and i will become some sad middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous for a while.

next question? yes, you in the pink shirt.

are there any circumstances that you and he might be more than just friends.

oh god. this is one of those key moments in life when it's possible you can be really, genuinely cool... and i'm failing one hundred percent.

what's all the fuss about?

some people do spend their whole lives together.

anybody saying they want to go out with you is... pretty great, isn't it?

did you know, and this is pretty amazing, but i once saw ringo starr.

probably best not tell anyone about this.

it was sort of sweet, actually.

i've made the wrong decision, haven't i?

i can't believe you have that picture on your wall.

it feels like how being in love should be. floating through a dark blue sky.

busy tomorrow?

you daft prick.

if you'd like to ask your question again?

just going to the kitchen to get some food, then i'm going to tell you a story that will make your balls shrink to the size of raisins.

[m1kad00]

Cyberpunk 2077 random headcannons!!

Characters included: Viktor Vektor, Muamar Reyes (El Capitán)

Reader: AFAB

TW: Age-gap relationship, reader is a mercenary (so violence ig), my horrible grammar, pregnancy, NSFW (at least I tried)

(Possible spoilers for Muamars gig)

Viktor Vektor

SFW Headcannons

-he probably didn't actually think about having a relationship with you... at first

-because you were out of his age range

-but of course, you managed to capture this old mans heart anyways

-I mean.. if you weren't on a mission, you were hanging around his clinic or Mistys shop

-Misty did play a big part to make this relationship work in the first place... she played her role as a cupid very well to say the least

-after you two finally got into a relationship, your visits at the clinic became even more frequent.. which made Jackie and V some people a little bit suspicious

-Misty was the first to know, obviously (she's the mastermind behind this anyways)

-Vik did not make your relationship offical immediately

-he loves you of course! Dearly. But he's not as loud about relationships as others would be.

-he's not big on PDA, but he wouldn't mind holding hands or small kisses.. just not making out or something like that

-the first time you both showed each other affection infront of others was a few weeks into your relatonship (Jackie and V were very surprised)

-his loves reciving gifts from you (have you guys seen those cute little 'waving cats' in his clinic? (idk what they're actually called I'm sorry))

-so he loves collecting little things you give him

-he doesn't care about the expense.. as long as it's from you he'll cherish it!

-jewlery, shiny stones, trinkets from one of your missions. It does not matter, he will hold onto it for eternity!

-Vik wouldv'e loved to have kids.. (let's be real that ain't happening anymore)

-but if it actually would be possible he'd be sosososo happy!!

-the chances he'd actually be able to have children of his own were slim

-I headcannon him to be around 60 (so he's Gen Alpha lol (he was maybe born around 2017))

-however he would be super worried that you would have a miscarriage or an accident or something like that, so he made sure you would be well rested in those 9 moths

-no more missions or hard work

-he made you spend your time mostly in his clinic, at Misty's or at home (not in a bossy and toxic way, but in a caring and sweet way)

-with the pregnancy, Vik also made you settle down for the time being

-being a merc with a toddler is not the best idea

-but he is a very caring person and an incredible father, so he was there when you needed him

-morning sickness? He definetly has a trick up his sleeve for that matter!

(I hate kids lowkey so I won't proceed.. for now)

NSFW Headcannons

-this man is very, very, very experienced

-he was a pro boxer after all.. he knows what he's doing!

-I'm sure this man was a bit freaky in his younger years

-so whatever you're into, he's into

-exept causing you pain, that's a turn off for him

-also he's more of a dom, but for you he'd also be more subissive

-he also loves breeding (absolutely not because I'm into that)

-holding you in a chokehold while doggy is just perfecton

Muamar Reyes (El Capitán)

-realtalk, no one talks about my pookie

-he might have a goofy bowl-cut but he's precious

-not even pinterest had a picture of him :((

-someone has to write for him at some point

SFW Headcannons

-you two probably met because of V

-you both went on one of his missions together, that's when he first saw you

-he instantly was head over heels

-he (smoothly) asked for your number, because he "might have some gigs for you in the future".

-not even one day later he got a gig for you.. what a coincidence!

-which was basically just you driving him around.. I mean you're getting paid! Who are you to complain?

-it turns out you both were indeed very compatible

-you both got along great (and he was lowkey flirty)

-after that day you got gigs from him constantly

-not only to chauffeur him anywhere he wants but also quick simple gigs like stealing cars for him

-Muamar would always ask how you are after gigs (in a playful way, so his intentions weren't as obvious)

-at some point he asked you out anyways

-he invited you to dinner

-after that he drove you both to his spot, where you can see Santo Domingo clearly

-there he would tell you how much he loves you

-Muamar is actually very open about his relationship

-so he's very into PDA

-some guy gets to close to you for his liking? He'll personally confront him about how he's too close to his lovely girlfriend.

-he needs to touch you 24/7. He's driving? Hand on your thigh. You two are walking? Hand holding. No matter where you both are going, people will know you are his.

-Muamar would want kids of his own, but would also be open for adoption

-they would grow up in Santo Domingo, but under diffrent circumstances

-since he hired V to steal that Arasaka medical truck, he wanted to make sure the people of Santo Domingo would not live in fear

-he would want his children to grow up without any health issiues caused by a simple cup of water, unlike him

-he would adore his kids, seriously

-even tho he looks like the villain from Minions, he still has an awesome style (so will his kids)

-would do anything to be a good dad

-he'd go all out to make the house/apartment super save for your kids

-once they'd grow up he would play with them in the backyard

-super corny dad jokes

-I LOVE HIM SMMMM

NSFW Headcannons

-just like Vik, he's experienced

-I can't imagine someone from NC to not be experienced

-average size, nothing to complain about

-he's more of a dom

-loves loves LOVES you on top of him

-his favorite positions are doggy and cowgirl

-car sex.

-you riding him in the back of his car while he's guiding you, holding your waist

Author Note

I am sorry for writing such bad NSFW HC's. I tried my best, I just needed some content of my favorite Night City legends on here. Especally of Muamar. I hope more people will appreciate him. Thank you for reading this by the way <33

[girlbowser]

Give meq tgat fefat <> roxy stuffff please

alright bear with me for a second i gotta paint a word picture

imagine youre roxy lalonde, right.

you just entered the game. youve got a bottle of momslime. your modus was literally built to hold ectobiologized goo. youve been feeling the weight of destiny on your shoulders -- YOU ARE GOING TO MEET HER. she might be dead but you are going to meet her.

and you get to your sprite,

and theres just

a fucking

CLOWN

and two corpses that he throws into the kernel.

(the first homestuck fic i ever read, Conference Call, has a version of the erisolsprite prototyping. they fought gamzee and got their fuckin asses kicked. its great.)

and then youre left with just. Some Alien Bitch. and its like the universe is teasing you, because she's partially the DIRECT DESCENDANT of the fishwitch what killed your mom, and also a cat???? you are so sick to death of cats. you have been up to your fucking ass in cats. its just too much

and then she just. talks to you

and you slowly start to listen

you hear about her lives on alternia. what it was like being a princess, what it was like being the pauper. how they weren't even really friends, before -- they ran in different circles.

but they're one person, now. one person dedicated to *helping you.*

we never find out how roxy quit drinking, or who helped her through it

(it was fefeta)

and fefeta *loves* you. she listens to you talk about boys. you talk about your mom. fefeta never really spoke to her... but her nepeta half *knows what happened to your kitty frigglish* after he died. and frigglish said that your mom was okay.

that everything was going to be okay

and it's just. jane had her shit. jake was up in his shit. dirk had fucked off with his shit. and roxy really only had fefeta!!!!!!!!

and i think they were moirails and i think they loved each other so much. frankly. tbf.

roxy is a trans woman, fefeta is newly plural. they have a lot in common. tbqh. its like. its very beautiful. in my eyes. in my vision.

and then

she dies

and this is like. this is a really big fucking deal honestly?

fefeta's death is like. a huge thing. its one of the only things she tells john about when summarizing the entirety of her session.

and this isnt something she magically gets back in the post-retcon timeline, either

like... when fefeta dies, there isnt a post-retcon fefeta. (we'll GET TO YOU JASPROSE.) it's just roxy who remembers fefeta's existence at all -- her friends dont have any connection to her. *nobody alive in all of reality* remembers her.

fefeta isnt just dead, dude, shes Fucking GONE. shes the goner ever. shes fuckin erased.

but honestly

on a level? good for her.

we've seen what being in homestuck does to people. it warps them, reshapes them. (see the new hsbc upd8 for some cool imagery about it.) fefetasprite was never a real part of the story. she got away with being silent -- her words are hidden from us. she was never in LE's clutches.

and why would LE even want to clutch her

she's the sword that's going to kill him, after all

:3

i call fefetasprite the "cat fish witch" for a very important reason. a) its cute BUT B). if you look at caledfwlch, dave's sword, and just sorta. squint at the word. it looks like cat fish witch. that's fefeta. she Iss the cat fish witch.

so what does her death mean?

well it's not like dave used an UNBROKEN sword to fight LE.

feferi is the part of the sword still left in the stone. the part we forgot and left behind.

which leaves Nepeta, the other half of this broken sword, of the Cat Fish Witch

to kill the shit out of Lord English. B33

the sword was always going to kill him!!!!!!!! fefetasprite was the sword!!!!!!!!!!! NEPETA WAS ALWAYS FATED TO DEFEAT LORD ENGLISH!!!! AM I CLINICALLY INSANE? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway. all this to say.

i wrote a fic about this.

check out the second work in the series for roxy processing the emotions that none of her post-retcon friends remember her moirail. it's some good stuff i think!!!!!!! also hal is there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway jasprose is just roxy's initial dream of reviving her mom in her kernelsprite brought to life through the most roundabout and indirect and stupid way possible. send POST

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Ignore this if you want but please write a ryan gosling!Ken x Shy!human!Reader? Like I can’t stop thinking about Ken being human and a dad of a infant son who’s a mommy boy and Ken brings them to Barbie land, just hardcore fluff? Like everyone is happy to see the reader again but also happy to see a baby. So cute shy reader brings her infant son to girls night. 💖💖💖💖💖💖

"You think they'll like him?"

"They'll love him, [y/n]. I'm sure of it." Ken popped his head out of the camper van's window, smiling as he saw you sitting outside on the lawn chair.

You weren't the only people making a trip back to Barbieland, however, as you were currently cradling your pride and joy:

It was your infant son, who had the same hair color as you, and the same bright blue eyes as his father.

Yes, the baby was also Ken's.

After he decided to become human with your help (and a whole lot of patience), he was finally at a place where he felt genuinely happy with his life and purpose:

He started working for Mattel to advocate for the Ken dolls and skyrocket their sales, got married to you--his owner who finalized his decision to leave all his dollness behind, and settled down in a house that you could both call your own.

Despite all of these great happenings, however, he did feel like something else was missing.

Something that he desperately wanted to experience as a man.

And no, it had nothing to do with horse or beach or patriarchy.

It was fatherhood.

During his second time in the Real World, he's seen families bonding with their kids in movies, books, and even just walking down the street.

He was a bit embarrassed about obsessing over horses and ignoring the beauty of humanity happening all around him back then.

But now? He got to truly appreciate it.

While Ken didn't explicitly tell you that he wanted to know what it's like to raise a family, you could just tell from his lingering stares and smiles that he would give anything to experience that.

So you had some conversations about it, and you were absolutely happy to have a kid with him.

Yet after coming home from the clinic with the confirmation that you were pregnant, he became utterly terrified, his mind cluttered with the "what-ifs"?

He knew that he messed up a lot as Barbie's handcrafted boyfriend, and even as a human...that guilt followed him back to the Real World. He may have left behind the pastels and plastics, but these overwhelming emotions stuck to him like super glue.

He's just so, so afraid of screwing up again. Or that his expectations of fatherhood will fall short and the kid will hate him if they knew what he-

But you reassured Ken he was going to be a great father; him worrying about raising them right before they're even born just shows it.

Those nerves finally went away the moment he got to hold his son in the delivery room, sobbing after he realized he helped create this beautiful life with you.

Something that he, a dumb blond plastic doll who only knew how to do beach, never thought he'd get to experience.

Like Barbie, he finally got to be the creator...rather than the created.

Now he couldn't wait to revisit Barbieland with you and introduce his child to everyone there.

You've taken a trip there a few times before, so you were well aware of the long rollerblade-snowmobile-camper van-tandem bike-rocketship-speedboat-convertible journey ahead.

This time however, you were reasonably nervous, given you now had one extra fragile passenger to take care of.

Luckily, it's been a rather smooth trip so far, and your son didn't make a single fuss.

Not in the freezing cold during your snowmobile ride...and not even when a mama bear was currently emerging from the surrounding woods, approaching you both. You still held him closely, staying calm and cool, knowing these animals wouldn't hurt you.

Ken, on the other hand, damn near jumped out the window to drive the scary beast away--his newly-acquired dad instincts kicking into maximum overdrive.

But you took notice and hushed him, before turning back to the bear who was now sniffing you and your son with curiosity. You got to pet her on the head, and eventually she huffed and left you two alone.

"See?" You glanced back at your husband, amused that his torso was now halfway out the window. "Seriously, Ken? There's a door y'know."

"W-Well...had to make sure my family is safe! But I see you got it under control...g-good job, sweetie!" He forced a smile, although he was clearly struggling.

"....are you stuck?"

"......maybe."

'Great...now I'm dealing with two children.' Shaking your head, you gently set your baby in the carrier, before going to help Ken.

Yeah, this trip was going to be longer than you thought.

And not because of the kid.

................

"Barbies! Kens! Allan! We're back!"

"Oh my god!"

"Everybody STOP what you're doing!! It's [y/n] and Ken!!"

"Hi [y/n]!!"

"Hi Ken!!"

"Welcome back guys!!"

"Ken, dude!!!"

"[Y/n]! How you've been-??!"

"Guys, guys..at least let us get out first." After stepping out of the car, you looked around at the dolls surrounding you and Ken, seeing that Barbieland had gone through some changes since the last time you've seen it.

Nevertheless, it still felt warm and welcoming. Like your second home at this point.

With a bashful smile, you cradled your son closely to your chest, sighing as you wondered how you'll break the news to them. You were never one to make huge announcements...especially as everydoll here now had their eyes on you.

Weird Barbie--now in a uniform fitting for the garbage workers here--was quick to notice the bundle of blue you were holding, tilting her head. "What's that you got there, hun? A gift for us?"

"O-Oh! This is...um-"

"Oh it's not just any gift you can buy, Weird Barbie," Ken interjected, trying to hold back the tears in his eyes as he wrapped an arm around you, smiling from ear-to-ear. "We have brought to you the gift...of life!!"

There was a silence so loud, you could almost hear crickets chirping from the other world.

"...he means we had a baby boy." You bluntly stated, uncovering some of the blanket so they could see your child.

At first there were gasps, before there were cheers and smiles all around as they came closer to congratulate you both.

The Barbies cooed at how adorable your son looked, while Midge asked you if he just "popped" out of your belly like her Real World counterpart (to which you said no, of course).

Meanwhile, Ken struck up a conversation with the other Kens, who had their own praise to give and told him about all the cool jobs and other opportunities they've gotten since he left.

Of course, though, he was the first among them to be a dad besides Sugar Daddy Ken.

"But enough about us, and more about your son..." Tourist Ken spoke up, leaning forward. "Tell me, is he shaping up to be a "beach boy" like his dad?"

"Nope. He's...definitely a momma's boy." With a warm smile, Ken looked to you, seeing how his son clung to you while looking mesmerized by all the colorful and sparkly things in the cul-de-sac. "But he has my eyes and...that's enough for me."

A small chorus of "awh's" were heard, but before all the guys could start spouting about the sports they wanted to teach your son, he noticed you approaching them.

He stood right up, his focus on you. "Yes, my love?"

"Oh! So..I was wondering..uh--girls, c'mon." You huffed to the giggling Barbies behind you, shooing them away. Then you turned back to your husband. "Anyways, they um...invited me to girls' night tonight. And they're hoping our little guy can come along, too!"

"........."

"It'll just be for a few hours, I-I promise." You nervously added, suddenly remembering how he felt about that event. "I won't be-"

"I don't mind if you two go."

You blinked. "...you don't?"

"Nah, the Kens said they're having their own boys' night on the beach...which so-happens to be tonight as well!" His grin returned. "You have fun with the ladies. You'll know where I'll be."

Those words brought a huge smile to your own face, and you stepped forward to peck him on the lips. "Thanks, sweetheart. You boys have fun.." Your gaze flickered to the male dolls. "Try not to "beach-off" my husband while I'm gone."

After that, you turned and walked back to the Barbies, while Ken stared at the other Kens, noticing their bewildered expressions.

"What?"

"Th-That was an actual kiss."

"I've never seen one like that before!"

"H-How did you do that???"

"...it took practice, and don't forget..I'm human now, too." He chuckled, feeling a bit smug. "Humans kiss very differently."