#i love Zoey so much and dark skinned Zoey genuinely has my life

[what-am-i-doing-in-this-fandom]

If you're still drawing Aphmau self inserts. I present

Kai the Grim!

I'm genuinely sorry I don't have any better references. And that the last one is from a gacha game.

She's a shadow knight, and the other girl with the white poof is my version of Zoe :]

I absolutely AM still drawing self inserts!!!

Don't worry, these references are PERFECT, and the Gacha one helps a lot!!

A Shadow Knight, truly brings a tear of happiness to my eye. I love when self inserts are OP and suer cool like this.

You are number THREE ✌️☝️ On the list!!!! Hehe X3

[choices-binglebonkus]

Do you think there's still hope for pb and choices?

I honestly have no idea. On one hand, they’ve created genuine masterpieces like It Lives, Endless Summer, and Blades. On the other hand, they’ve gotten considerably less adventurous and creative and have pretty much sold out at this point. Like, they used to have genuine potential and originality, but now they’re just another visual novels app that caters to the same old audience.

They used to interact with fans all the time, but now they act like the “I pretend I do not see it” meme. Their “diverse” representation has been adequate at best and completely performative at worst (yes, this is STILL a hill I’m willing to die on) and most stories that come out pander primarily to straight white women. They’re notorious for treating characters of color (particularly women of color) like lesser characters, sweeping them aside for white characters. Or more specifically, white MALE characters.

The Instagram fandom (which about 90% consists of 13-16 year old white girls, often straight with varying degrees of racism and homophobia) and the Facebook fandom (which is primarily middle-aged white women, usually stay at home mothers, who are almost always straight) stroke the hell out of Pixelberry’s ego and eat up whatever they churn out. I’ll never forget how overtly racist both fandoms were towards Zoey, Lily Spencer, Shane, and Ayna. Both of those fandoms are toxic as hell, but they’re all Pixelberry will listen to, or even interact with anymore. So…that’s just peachy.

And it would be a mistake not to mention some of the VERY controversial things Pixelberry has done over the years, such as The Freshman skin tone fiasco (my jaw DROPPED at that one), the frequent villainization of women (usually of color) for no purpose other than “we need a punching bag for the main character to put in their place”, the introduction of Ahmed as a Muslim character and immediate disregard of his alcohol-free lifestyle, the OPH gas attack plot, the lizard people conspiracy they keep bringing up in TRF (who the fuck greenlit this?), and more recently, the…ugh, I hate typing this AGAIN, the incestuous werewolf threesome.

The sad reality is that Choices will probably never improve. PB will keep pushing out cliched smut because it’s what keeps the lights on, and I really can’t fault them for that. I’m not happy about it, but they’re just trying to make a living.

The real issue is the pedestal straight white cisgender female players are placed upon while everyone else gets fucked over one way or another. Want to be non-binary? Too damn bad, you’ve got one (1) story where you can be an enby. Want better Black hairstyles? Nope, sorry, can’t do that, but here’s another generic blonde hairstyle for ya. What’s that? You want more character development for your female love interest? Sure! But you’ll have to pay 17-25 diamonds just to unlock it, AND we’ll get her pronouns wrong, because he—I mean, SHE—is male-coded.

I’ve brought this up many times, but Storyscape truly was a game-changer. Had Storyscape not shut down, I guarantee you Pixelberry would be shaking in their boots. Storyscape took risks, had GREAT female love interests, had better diversity in its casts and settings than Choices even though it had barely even had any releases, AND it was in the process of releasing a book with a NON-BINARY MC, years before Choices dared to give us this option in Foreign Affairs. Also, the art was…wow. I can’t really say anything about the art except that it blew me away.

So unfortunately, there is likely very little hope for Choices at this point, which is really sad. Back when it was still good, Choices releases got me through some very dark times just by being something to look forward to every Wednesday or every Friday. It may have actually saved my life. But it seems like the Choices we have now will be the Choices we’ll always have. Blades 2 and WTD truly are my last hope for the app. I wouldn’t delete the app because it still has old stories that I love on it, but I don’t think I’d ever play a new book ever again if things continue the way they are.

In storytelling, variety, player-staff relations, representation, and so much more, they need to do better. But we all know they’re probably just going to do worse.

[puckinghell]

The Moment You Know | Gabe Landeskog

Summary: Based on “The Moment I Knew” by Taylor Swift. Words: 3337 Note: Angst angst angst I’m sorry. In fact, I wasn’t planning on ever posting this cause I usually don’t do angst. But it’s summer and nobody is here so. Why not. 

You’ve never been a big fan of going out, not one to hang around in bars or get smashed in clubs. You much prefer getting drunk in your friend’s backyard or watching Netflix series until your eyes close on their own, but tonight, your friend hadn’t put up with it.

“Come on, Y/N, you’ve had a shitty week, let’s just get shitfaced and dance, maybe meet some cute guys.”

It was true that your week hasn’t been the best. Your boss was an asshole, always making little comments about your appearance, and on Tuesday, you’d finally snapped, telling him that the way you curled your hair really was none of his business.

The good thing was that he’d not made another comment again. The bad thing was that now, you didn’t have a job anymore.

On Wednesday, your car broke down, and you didn’t have the money to get it fixed now that you were unemployed. On Thursday, you ran into your ex at the grocery store, where he was flaunting his much prettier, much skinnier new girlfriend in your face. And on Friday, this morning, you’d dropped your cereal all over the kitchen floor.

That honestly might’ve been the worst of all.

So, no, Lacey wasn’t wrong about this being a bad week for you, and she was also not wrong about you needing to get your mind off of it. In fact, you were pretty sure if you spent one more night alone with all these thoughts in your mind, you’d actually be ready for an asylum, so you’d agreed.

That’s how you currently find yourself sitting on a barstool, leaning over the bar, tipping back your fourth – or fifth? – gin and tonic, complaining about your life to Lacey. You’re pretty sure she’s not been listening to you for at least 10 minutes, but the alcohol has loosened your tongue and you’re not sure you could stop talking even if you tried.

“I just want one good thing to happen to me,” you whine, resting your chin in your hands. “One! Just, let me find some money in a coat pocket, or some nice stranger buys me a coffee. Just a little pick me up, you know?”

You go to take a sip of your drink, but at the exact moment you do, someone steps back and bumps into you, sending your glass flying out of your hand and the drink spilling down your chest.

A curse escapes your lips and the person who bumped into you yelps. He turns around with lightning speed, grabbing your arm and stopping you from falling off the barstool.

Maybe five drinks was closer to the real amount than four after all.

“I’m so sorry,” the stranger says, and the first thing you notice is that he looks genuinely remorseful.  The second thing you notice is that he’s really hot.

If you’d not been so miserable, maybe you would’ve thought it a happy accident.

“Of course,” you groan, steadying yourself on the barstool and slamming down your – now empty – glass on the counter. “Of course! Couldn’t let me have this one night, could you, universe!”

It’s dramatic and way too much of a reaction but you can’t help but feel like the world is crashing down on you. Instead of running away screaming, like he probably ought to have, the stranger raises an eyebrow.

“I can just buy you a new drink, you know,” he says dryly, and you shoot him a dirty look.

“Can you just buy me a dry shirt, as well?” you bite, but to your surprise, he doesn’t look feigned at all. No, instead, he laughs.

“You can have mine?” he offers, and that’s when you pause your anger at the world to actually take a look at him.

The guy in front of you is tall and muscular, a dark button up stretching around his arm muscles. He’s blonde, with a little scruff – but not so much that it makes him look scrappy – and he has the most amazing, kind blue eyes you’ve ever seen. He has one eyebrow raised and his lips are curled up slightly at the ends, like he’s trying to fight off a smile.

He looks yum, and you almost take him up on his offer to give you his shirt.

But that wouldn’t be classy and you’re nothing if not classy, so you sigh. “No, it’s fine, it’ll dry.”

That’s when Lacey pipes up. “But definitely buy her a new drink. She’s had a week.” Ever the wingwoman, she’s noticed the way the guy’s eyes raked over your body, and your own inspection of him hasn’t gone unnoticed either.

“Oh, well, in that case.” The guy grins at you now, before turning to the bar and ordering another gin and tonic. He gets himself a beer, and situates his body between you and Lacey, leaning against the bar. “You wanna tell me about your week?”

“Do I look like the type to vent all my problems to a complete stranger?” you tell him, even though at the moment, you probably kinda do look like that type.

You kinda are that type, when said stranger looks like this one.

The guy laughs lightly and extends his hand, shaking yours. His grip is firm but not overpowering, and, somehow, it’s actually kinda hot when his fingers brush across your knuckles.

“I’m Gabe,” he says. “26, from Sweden originally, but now living here in Denver, I have a dog called Zoey and my favorite food is mac and cheese.” He looks proud of himself as he continues. “See, not a total stranger anymore. You basically know as much about me as my friends.”

You quickly tell him some facts about you, then go off on a rant, about your job and your stupid ex boyfriend and your damn car and your cereal, to which he laughs.

“Really?” he hums. “All that and it’s the breakfast food that gets you?”

You glare at him. “I take my breakfast very seriously, I’ll have you know.”

He rolls his eyes at you, then rests his hand on your arm. Spikes of electricity seem to shoot up your skin where he touches you and his little eyeroll makes you laugh, and suddenly, the rest of your week doesn’t seem like such a disaster anymore.

And that’s the moment you know you want him to take you home.

Gabe went home with you that night, and you might’ve thought it would just be a one time thing, but somehow you find yourself going back to him night after night. In the beginning, it’s just because you’re lonely and he doesn’t really have anything going on with anyone either, and, well, it’s like you complete each other, at least in the bedroom.

He knows how to push all your buttons and you know exactly how to get him there, and when his lips are pressing featherlight kisses into your hips, or his teeth are nipping at your thighs, you completely forget all your insecurities about the stretchmarks and the extra meat there and just exist, there with him, and it’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced with someone else.

Usually, you wake up earlier than him; despite you not having a job, you’re used to wake up early from your previous one, and your body clock simply refuses to reset. Gabe, however, is used to late nights, performing at night, and sleeping in a little longer, which means that you’re always up and out of his house before he’s even wake.

One morning, however, you wake up and he’s not there. It annoys you slightly, because your favorite thing to do when you wake up is to just lay there for a few minutes and watch him sleep. It sounds creepy, but it’s not really; he just looks so peaceful and comfortable like that, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks and his chest rising and falling steadily with every breath.

You can hear the shower running, however, and the thought of a potential repeat of last night gets rid of that annoyance quickly.

“Goodmorning,” Gabe’s raspy morning voice sounds, when you close the bathroom door behind you.

“Want company?” you respond, and when he hums in affirmation, you slip into the shower with him, wrapping your arms around his waist and letting him kiss the top of your head. It’s innocent enough, at first, with him shampooing your hair and you simply kissing his chest, and it’s almost too domestic, makes you wonder if you’re crossing some kind of line you’re not sure either of you has actually set in place. So you press your ass against his crotch and the innocence wears off quite quickly after that, leaving you a moaning mess pressed against the cold hard tiles of the bathroom wall.

You take a bit longer than Gabe to get dressed and ready after that, and when you finally get downstairs, the apartment smells like pancakes and you see Gabe behind the stove, whistling along to a country song that’s on the radio. When he sees you, he smiles, and before you realize what’s happening, he’s dramatically lipsinging to Simple by Florida Georgia Line, and then you’re dancing, he’s spinning you under his arm in the kitchen and you’re both laughing when he burns the pancakes, and as you watch him throw the pit black pancakes in the trash, realization hits you like a truck.

That’s the moment you know you’re in love with him.  

Gabe likes your apartment better than his own, because his is big and empty and yours is filled with little knick knacks and feels like home, so one day he brings Zoey over and from that point on neither of them really ever leave.

You don’t mind; you found a new job and coming home to a dog wagging her tail and Gabe in the kitchen or on the couch, makes the apartment feel more like home than it probably ever has before. When Gabe goes on road trips, Zoey stays with you, and you’re happy she does because it feels like a piece of Gabe gets left behind.

You miss him when he’s not there. That realization hits you one night when you’re laying in bed wearing one of his hoodies, Zoey curled up at your side while you’re watching a Netflix movie about… well, you don’t really know, because all you’ve been doing is scrolling through Twitter, looking at what people are saying about the Avs.

Their fans are great, but some of hockey Twitter isn’t a fan, and they’re louder; there’s criticism that’s fair and balanced, but mostly it’s just completely ridiculous, rude takes that include yells like “they suck” “why are they even a hockey team” “trade them all”, and the worst one, “Landeskog isn’t even a good captain”.

The words ignite a fire in your bones and you’re burning with anger. You know how hard Gabe is working to get this team back on track and you know he’s the only reason the locker room is as tight as it is, and most importantly, you’ve seen the toll this is taking on him, seen the exhaustion set in his features and felt the tiredness in his limbs.

You want nothing more than to throw your phone against the wall but you know that won’t help you much, so instead you throw it on the floor and turn around to bury your face in your pillow so you can scream without the neighbors thinking you’re getting murdered. Zoey barely looks up, simply accepting that you’re a bit dramatic sometimes.

That’s when you hear the door click into the lock downstairs and now Zoey reacts, jumping up and running downstairs.

“Hey, baby,” you hear Gabe’s tired voice echo through the hallway, and you wait for his heavy footsteps up the stairs. He walks into the bedroom with Zoey on his heels, smiles at you before dumping his bag on the floor and then he flops onto the bed face first. He’s still wearing his suit and his dress shoes, but he’s just lying there limply, letting out a soft puff of air as he pushes his face closer to you, resting his head against your thigh. You reach out and thread your fingers through his blond locks, and he hums appreciatively.

“Rough trip,” you declare more than asks, and he nods with a sigh.

“When is it not, lately,” he growls softly, and you watch as he closes his eyes and leans into your hand like a cat looking for a scratch. “Let’s just not talk about it.”

You want to be there for whatever he needs, want to let it go if that’s what he wants, but you’re genuinely not sure if you can, not when the anger is still vile in your throat and you feel something burning behind your eyes.

You sink down, slowly moving down the bed until your face is at the same height as his, your noses almost touching. He smiles.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” you hum back, pressing your lips against his. “I’m really proud of you, you know.”

Something softens in his eyes and you can tell he’s being 100% truthful when he says: “That’s really all that matters to me, anyway.”

That’s when you know this could really be a once in a lifetime love.  

The only sound that can be heard is the clicking of your nails against your phone screen, and then the noise your phone makes to tell you your message has been send.

Hey, you, I’m just now leaving, can I come around later?

You leave work and go home, take a shower and get dressed, then sit on the couch and with a deep breath, pick up your phone.

No messages. No missed calls.

It’s been like this for a while now; Gabe is not staying over nearly as often and never seems to answer your texts the same day, and although you still have Zoey with you, it’s starting to eat at you from the inside.

You know its playoff hockey and he’s busy, but he’s not even bothered to react to any of the good luck texts you’ve been sending, and you know he’s in Denver today cause they’re playing at home tomorrow, and you just really hoped you’d see him tonight.

You’re not even sure you can remember the last time you saw him. Last week? Two weeks ago? Times goes fast when it goes by in a daze, and you feel like you’ve been sleepwalking for weeks.

Another morning, another text.

Good morning, are you busy?

Of course he’s busy, he’s always busy, but what you’re really asking is are you too busy for me. Cause when you started dating, the first few months, the answer to that question was always no. It didn’t matter if he had a game or practice, if there was a media scrum or if he had plans with the team. He might not respond right away, but he’d always respond, always make time for you at some point of the day, and even if it was past midnight when he got home, he always got home.

It had started to feel like your apartment was his home. But clearly, it’s not like that anymore.

You walk Zoey and buy groceries, then you vacuum your apartment before you allow yourself to check your phone again.

A message.

But not the kind you hoped.

Yeah, really busy babe. You okay? Talk to you tomorrow alright?

Tomorrow, always tomorrow. But tomorrow hasn’t come for a few weeks now and you’re starting to think it’ll never come.

I’m fine.

Normally, Gabe looks straight through you. It’s one of the things you love about him, how you can’t bullshit him, how he knows you without you even trying, how he’s just simply always there when you need him. How, when you say you’re fine, even though you’re not, he simply scoffs and takes you in his arms and kisses you and makes it feel like it won’t be long before you’re fine again.

But this time he doesn’t answer, and you’re not fine.

That’s the moment you know it’s not going to be fine in a while.

“Hey girl! How are you doing?” Lacey has you wrapped up in a hug before you’ve even fully opened the door and you laugh as you hug her back.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” you tell her honestly, and she laughs.

“Are you serious, your birthday party? I wouldn’t miss that for the world, you know that!”

An uneasy feeling creeps up on you, but you push it away.

Gabe said he’d be here. He’ll be here. You just need to give him a little time.

You open a bottle of wine, get drinks for all your friends and family. Everyone is around, everyone you love is there to celebrate your birthday, and yet, you can’t let yourself be happy. Every time one of your friends asks you about Gabe, your heart sinks a little further into your stomach.

“Where is he, Zoey?” you whisper to the dog, scratching her ear.

The hours pass by, and fear is creeping into your veins. All you’ve been picturing, all night, is the front door bursting open, Gabe coming in with that “baby I’m right here, everything’s fine” smile of his, the one you love so much that calms your heartbeat and feels like coming home, but so far, the door has remained shut. So now you’re standing there, in your new dress, with absolutely nobody to impress, and you can’t help that the tears that have been burning behind your eyes for weeks are finally starting to push their way through.

You would’ve been so happy.

You can feel yourself breaking, can feel your defenses crumbling and your hope crashing, and you just wanna be alone. But no sooner have you sank down onto the bathroom floor, and Lacey is there, wrapping her arms around you and whispering soft words into your ear as you cry, sobs seemingly tearing your body apart from the inside out.

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” she says miserably, because a best friend always knows when there’s something really wrong, and she knows exactly what’s hurting you.

“He said he’d be here,” you bring out, but Lacey doesn’t react, because what are you supposed to say to that? What are you supposed to do when the one person that means the most to you doesn’t show up?

Again?

You don’t know how long you sit there, but finally there’s no more tears to cry, no more energy left into your body.

“We’re not gonna let him ruin this for you, baby,” Lacey says, her voice kind but determined. She grabs a make up wipe and starts cleaning up your face. “We’re gonna go out there and they’re gonna sing happy birthday to you and you’re gonna get drunk and forget all about his dumb ass, okay? Look, we’ve got the best Landeskog here.”

You release a breathy laugh when you notice that Zoey has come waggling into the bathroom, releasing a long sigh when she lays down with her head on your thigh, and you somehow manage to pick yourself up and force yourself back inside, back to your party, with all the people that love you.

And without the one person that’s supposed to love you the most.

They sing you happy birthday and you try to keep up a conversation with your relatives and all your friends seem to notice something’s up, but none of them mention it, instead making silly jokes to try and get you to laugh, and more often than not, you actually do. But when everyone’s left, you sink into the couch, no more power or energy in your bones, your mind dull and dark.

He calls you later, says “I’m sorry I didn’t make it.” And you tell him that you’re sorry too.

But that is the moment you know.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Over the years I've kind of noticed that a lot of people (not everyone of course) who've Instagrams, Tumblrs or other social media dedicated to tv shows, celebrities, singers etc. have struggled with hard things in life, i.e. depression, anxiety, bullying and so on.... and that's why they've come into fandoms, because they needed some sort of happiness, a way to feel like they belong and just get a break from reality, sort of... (part 1)

(cont.) like being in a fandom helps people deal with whatever they’re going through in real life. For example, when I fell (literally fell, it wasn’t intentional) into my first fandom I was going through a pretty rough time in my life, but being in a fandom helped me and it gave me a chance to sort of get a break from reality and the problems I was struggling with and brought a bit of happiness, and it kept me going and not to give up.and I’ve just noticed that a lot of people in fandoms have struggled with various things in real life and I have this “theory” that is why they get drawn into fandoms, because that TV show, or that actor or singer or book series etc becomes a way for them to hold on and get a break from the hard things for a while. Fandoms also gives people a way to meet others who might feel the same way they do and can relate to each other and find comfort together… what do you think about that? this got way longer and messier than I had expected (I apologize for that!) but I’ve just been thinking about this for a while and I wanted to know what others think… and you always gives such a good perspective and thoughts into your posts that I felt like sharing, hope that’s ok and that you get what I tried to get through… 😅

Don’t worry, I understand what you’re trying to say completely. Of course, it’s okay for you to share this with me. Thank you for asking. It’s actually an important and interesting topic to discuss, particularly for me because I feel like being a part of Tumblr and the fandom world has changed my life. I think everyone’s reasons for being in a fandom is different but the common denominator is that it acts as an outlet in some shape or form. 

I’ll put the rest of my answer under the cut, since it’s pretty lengthy. 

Personally, I see the fandom as a hobby in exactly the same way as football, bird watching, dancing, drawing etc. would be considered a hobby. And hobbies are such important parts of people’s lives because they serve so many purposes. They’re a way to channel our energies and creativity, share our ideas, build communities and make friends, improve our confidence and/or mental/physical/emotional health. So hobbies are very important and special to people, although the experience and meaning of those hobbies is unique to each every individual. 

It has different sides to it just like any other hobby, so for me its: edits (gifs), meta and fanfiction and all of them are ways in which I’m able to express my creativity. Writing in particular is my passion and the fandom gives me an outlet for that in the most amazing way because I get to pair it with the passion of a show/movie/character/ship I love too. And it requires time, patience and care. Every day or every other day I sign into Tumblr, I reblog a post or make a change to my theme, answer an ask, respond to a request etc. just the same as any other hobby. And most of all it provides me with a release. When I’m going about my day (particularly when I’m at uni or writing an assignment) all I look forward to is being able to come onto Tumblr. It’s a form of relaxation and joy for me and for so many others. And I don’t think that the fandom particularly attracts people that are going through hard times, I think that is true for any hobby. When people are down, they’re struggling, they’re in a dark place etc. it’s only natural to seek out something to make you feel better about yourself and your situation. I think the difference is that more confident and extroverted people are more likely to go out and pursue an active hobby, whereas more reserved and introverted people are more likely to pursue that online. I know that for me personally, I’ve always struggled with my self esteem and there was no way I had the confidence to actually go out there and meet people and try to find a hobby (plus, I always loved writing and the best way to channel that is online anyway). But I think it’s just a natural thing for those that are introverted and/or not very good socially to seek social contact via the internet, because it’s easier than having to do it face to face. It’s easy to portray yourself differently online, to be the more confident you that you are on the inside until you’re in face to face social situations and I think that it’s a way for people to build their confidence socially. I also think that it’s a way for people to seek validation and acceptance. Particularly for those that have been bullied or just generally haven’t fit in at school or at home, the fandom is a place to find other people similar to yourself that will remind you you’re a good, decent and important person. And at the end of the day, that’s something that every human needs sometimes. We all just need to know that we’re not alone, that there’s someone else out there that feels/thinks the same way as us and more importantly that someone recongises our existence. I also think there’s a common feeling amongst a lot of people in the fandom whereby they feel out of place in their daily life and the world around them, which is again why they try to seek a place they feel more comfortable online.

I actually watched a news report about this recently. it was about how young kids are getting addicted to social media because each time they receive a follower or like or reblog or whatever it is, it releases dopamine in the brain and that’s a feeling I think everyone can relate to. Particularly for people that may not have many friends or have gone through their life never being popular, it’s kinda an amazing feeling to have people recognise you and want to talk to you, even if it is online. Each time we receive an ask or gain a follower or a note, it feels like validation and I think that definitely gives people a boost that they’re probably not getting in their daily life. 

I also agree with you that the fandom is definitely a place where people seek out others that love the same things as they do. Although I’ve spoken to a tonne of people, I’ve only made one real friend through the fandom. But honestly, it’s so great to be able to go to her whenever and be like “DID YOU SEE THE NEW EPISODE OF _____?!?!?” because there is no one else in my life I have to share that with really. And I think that sharing the love for a particular show/ship or whatever it is can bring people together because it opens doors and is that first step of talking to someone. But in reality with time those friendships grow to be something much more profound and although you’ll probably still talk about fandom-y things, it becomes a real friendship that’s about so much more than just that. And you can’t really put a price on friendship as corny as it sounds. Even though the friend I made from the fandom lives thousands of miles away there are genuinely days when I feel like she’s the only one that’s there for me and I talk to her about things I don’t talk to anyone else about. So I think the fandom is definitely a place people come to form friendships and it works too. 

For me personally, I actually joined for the opposite reason. Meaning, I didn’t want friends, I was looking for somewhere I could come and be anonymous, where I didn’t have to speak to anyone at all and could do my own thing. I loved that on here no one knew my name, no one knew my face, none of my friends were even on here and as cliche as it sounds, I felt so free with that. I felt like I could do whatever I wanted and it was for me. It’s not that I’ve ever particularly hidden my interests and likes from people, but I think until I found Tumblr I always felt like I had to downplay my passion for fandom-y things. My friends and family would always laugh at me (only harmlessly) for watching the same shows and movies over and over and for always reciting the script along with them, because to them that isn’t normal (whatever that means haha). Yeah, they all watch TV and movies but once and they never feel as strongly about it as I do. Since I was a kid I have been obsessed with watching things over and over again. It started with Disney (Lion King, Bambi, Aristocats to name a few), then it got to Harry Potter (seriously I could still write the Chamber of Secrets and Goblet of Fire scripts from memory), I watched repeats all day long of shows on Cartoon Network (Powerpuff Girls, Ed, Edd & Eddy etc.) then it got to Zoey 101 and Drake and Josh, when I got to my early teens Friends, Skins. I could go on, but you get the point. But I would literally fall in love with these movies/shows (don’t even get me started on how many times I re-watched the episode of Zoey 101 where Chase finally admitted he was in love with Zoey, eeeeep!) and no one around me really understood it. So to be able to come to the fandom and openly express my love for these things was so amazing. I didn’t need friends or anyone to even share that with, all I cared about was being able to have somewhere to unleash that side of myself. Obviously over time, I naturally got speaking to people and made a great friend, but I do think that being a part of the fandom can be as much about just having a place to anonymously exist and express your passions without the want or need for friends. Unlike other forms of social media you can literally come on here, do your own thing and literally no one will bother you or question you and I think that’s pretty unique to social media personally. 

But I think you hit the nail on the head as to why so many people fall into the fandom or choose to be a part of it - escapism. Regardless of how happy or unhappy we are, it’s human nature to seek some form of escapism. Whether it’s through watching tv, writing, playing video games, reading, painting, listening to music - it’s all a form of escapism. It’s a distraction from whatever bad stuff might be going on in our lives, it’s a way to unwind and relax, to chat with friends, see the things we love. I often see edits on my dash and genuinely smile or laugh and it improves my mood when I’m having a bad day. I also think that in terms of the specific fandoms, shows, movies, characters and ships we attach ourselves to, they all kind of represent their own form of escapism. An example of that would be that one of my favourite characters is Prue Halliwell from Charmed and one of the reasons I love her so much is because I see all the qualities in her I wish I possessed (beautiful, confident, strong-willed, driven, successful, family-orientated, admired, passionate). My point here is that to an extent I almost live through Prue, imagining myself as who I want to be and putting myself in her shoes. That is just one example. Another would be that I love Sons of Anarchy because it is nothing like my life and I love being able to experience a completely different world from my own or my love for Cook from Skins because he is everything I’m not - reckless, adventurous, fiery, ruthless. All of it is escapism, it’s a way to experience different worlds, different lives, loves and emotions in a safe environment. 

I also think that the fandom acts as escapism in regards to providing us with an alter ego. Who we are in the fandom is not who we are in our daily lives (at least not in my experience). On here most people probably think of me as ameliapondsraggedyman or pruehaliwells, the faceless girl that writes unnecessarily long ass responses to all of her asks and bitches about Stelena not being endgame hahah. But that’s not how my family and friends see me. To them, I’m just Shannen (or Shan), the girl that eats coco pops every single morning for breakfast, laughs too loudly (and usually at inappropriate times), talks too much, is best friends with her cat (what a saddo) and has to make her bed in this really weird but particular way (don’t even get me started haha). How I’m perceived or how any of us are perceived within the fandom is not a true reflection of who we are. Or should I say, it’s not a true reflection of every part of ourselves. For example, you may know my exact thoughts and feelings on Stefan Salvatore’s death, but do you know what I did yesterday? But that of course is the appeal of the fandom. To an extent, you get to be who you want. It’s a different side of you, probably one you usually have to suppress or hide and it’s great to be able to escape from who you are everyday and be the other you for a while. 

Those are basically my thoughts on that subject. It can mainly be summed up as: I perceive the fandom to be a hobby like any other that acts as a form of escapism from the struggles of daily life and gives people the opportunity to make friends that they have common interests with, a way/place to express themselves and their passions or creativity and improve on themselves whether that be socially, emotionally or mentally. 

I hopefully managed to express myself clearly amongst that huge messy response haha. Thanks again for stopping by to share your thoughts and asking me to share mine.