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taegularities · 4 months ago

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RIDDD 🎀🖇🩵

are you truly feeling better? ;-; a migraine is the last thing i'd wish upon anyone among list of terrible headaches, bcs i used to have cluster headaches— so i can only guess what's a whole migraine must be like ; please take care of yourself, and rest well :(

i don't know if it would be insensitive to drop the following long message here rn, but you obv have the liberty to ignore it till you feel better or as you wish. this is your domain, after all. love you.

"RUINED" : RAMBLE.

i had to drop the headcanons that's been eating up my mind bc the other day while i was taking my mock tests, my mind kept drifting off to the couple. lol. so here's a list of headcanons i had as a reader, from all the different bits of the story and the things you told us. hehe. these are mostly 'soft moments' as asked by you in that ask ( i wish i could drop the reference links, but i'm on my phone so it's hard to operate dually. however, i shall say which parts inspired what brainrot : they're from your works )

RUINED : BRAINROTS.

inspo : a!oc is the type of person who knows what she wants, her saying : two years of marriage and i still put up with the way you put the toilet paper the wrong way around. lol. her being very organized too bc she doesn't want work to pile up and focuses on her tasks in office. both of thm loving to sing

if she loves her things organized, i can see— during the beginning of their dating life, tae'd come over on a random weekend, only to find a!oc cleaning up, in her most natural state, and the mundane aspect of it would melt him. why? bcos he's the been there, done that sort of person, but not when it comes to these things. the domesticity, i mean. hehe.

also, the fact that she trusted him enough to show that side of her? :') the only reason she wouldn't stress about her look is bc she's adorably engrossed in her work and NEEDS IT DONE AND HE SAW HER IN OTHER STATES TOO 🫠

HELLO, RID. CAN YOU SEE HIM ENTERING HOME TO HER ONE DAY AND A!OC MOUTHING THE LYRICS OF A LOVE SONG TO TAE WHILE DOING MUNDANE THINGS WHILE THE MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BG?

AFTER THAT THEY COMPOSED THEIR OWN SONG OR SMTH IDK U TELL, RID!

inspo : a!oc being adorable-oc in general. her eyes having the purity even in the lewdest moments, her general love and admiration for him, original ruin you devil tango on the phone drabble 😮‍💨 a!oc loving to draw, tae in general loosing his composure around her lol

this one is loosely based on what my friend did once. so we were in a fb video call and she just randomly made a quick sketch of me on doodle. it was beautiful. 😔

since we are talking soft moments mostly, i can literally see him trying to sexually rizz her up on some video call— imagine him going like 'are you touching yourself?' or smth bc her hands are busy 🤣 but homegirl, who misses him sm and can be an adorable vixen, leads him on— only to send a quicksketch of him so beautifully done ( with artist-oc : a!oc touch 🥹 )....and can you imagine his reaction? always 'interpreting him anew' x 'you are an artist to me, okay?'

SORRY! I DON'T REMEMBER THE LINES VERBATIM!

inspo : basically, tae's protectiveness towards her, a!oc not liking to depend on people, her caring about his demons and wanting to fight his battles and these intially clashing, smex that melts you. tae : i cried, she crode. we s-crewed. ( no, rid. you never wrote that but its just a lil meme ref 😭 ) old tae and his demons.

this one is also from initial years. i think if she were to ever get injured in any way or had a scar—however minor, he'd still spend hours on those spot/s, kissing & hating himself for not being there when it happened. also, i think if she didn't tell him about such a thing/things bc it's not an issue to her, because he had sm going on according to her and didn't wanna pile on— he'd be upset. can see her making jokes about it since it's nothing to her, and him glaring at her with swimming red eyes ( just like the wedding drabble where he threatened her to never leave him ), and making similar threats to his favorite girl ( mid-lovemaking ) ☹️

you often write that before meeting her, tae's biggest flex in bed was composure. so i can literally see him shortcircuting (even during the roughest rounds), hearing her say the most loving things and her unadultered affection. the holds only bared by his urge to take care of her first like you always say.

also, i think when he first introduced her to his world of ruined tango, he was more concerned about her, than a!oc herself. can see him internally worrying, but she is the type to want it harder and more, anyway, to his constant surprise 😂 no, but seriously. suppose it's waxplay, and he knows what he's doing bc he's a pro, but it's still his a!oc 😭 no matter how much lust and control is swarming around them, his need to smear his affection on/inside her is REAL! ever love someone so much that even being balls deep in them isn't enough bc you wanna consume them whole??? and merge with their soul and being??? that's them, and it was novel for him. right?

and you said he kinda likes giving away control more now? why can i see a!oc, simply like a mini-him in some ways, just loving on every nook and crany of his being, when she first took over charge? 🥹 she must have had sm love to give him 🥹 i mean, in the past giving away control would be all about pleasure, but i think when he gave her that role for the first time, he wasn't expecting getting LOVED ON. CAN U HEAR HER WHISPERING PROMISES AND COMPLIMENTS IN THE PUREST WAYS? ( yk how she said, "well, it's true. i want it' about his 🐓 in such a harmless way? 🫠 ) whole lotsa crying, right? ....right?......RIGHT? 😭 bc it's never enough. not until they breathe. the other. in. AAAAA-

inspo : random ig reel, lol. this girl asked her bf, if her soul were to get switched with her bestfriend's, who would he pick. homeboy replied : i will take you to an exorcist 😂

imagine somebody asking her that question, but the other way around and in tae's presence— can see him tensing up bc hello, ry!jk wassup 🤩🚨 but a!oc will also pull up a "will take him to an exorcist" answer and set his demons free 🕊🕊🕊

inspo : papa!tae and mama-a!oc.

sometimes, i assume their first born is a son, then i settle for a daughter. or maybe an older brother to a lil sister. anyway, daughter is a mini a!oc. teenie tinie version of her 🤏🏻🥹 and he looks like such a girl dad at times, too.

to me—the babygirl has a!oc's eyes, his nose, and a pair of both of their lips combined, but also her father's fullness. why her mama's eyes?

BC DOUBLE HER, DOUBLE THE PEACE IN TAE'S LIFE.

imagine her wrapping that tiny chubby soft hand around his wedding ring instead of the pinky/thumb/index 🫠 he'd definitely be like : both of you women are gonna be the end of me :))))))))))))))))))))

little monet family. 🎐

it's so late at night. i resign 😮‍💨 please, recitfy me as you wish. also i forgot a lot of them, so pardon me 🫂 i couldn't articulate properly. had so much to write and tell but 🕸🕸🕸 love you, rid. thank you.

HI LOVE 🥺 i was feeling better last night and most of today haha but now the headache's coming back :')))) just why :'') it's a pretty horrible pain, but welp. and no worries babe, this isn't insensitive at all??? in fact, this is so fkn sweet?? 😭

yes, she def seems like someone who has her act together. as an office assistant, she's used to working neatly and diligently, so she'd be scolding tae for little things for sure hahaha :') ahhh the domesticity would shoot an arrow into his heart. he's never experienced such a love, you know? so to know somebody's here and his home… must affect him for sure :( they're both kind of an anchor to the other, and prove each other time and time again that they're able to show their true side. NAWH THEIR OWN LOVE SONG THO YES PLS.

the purity even in the filhiest moments is so fucking real. i don't remember if i actually mentioned that, but yes??? she's an angel, so there's some innocence in her eyes no matter what. NOT YOU USING MY QUOTES AGAINST ME IN A SKETCH SITUATION 😭 omg the confession.. you are an artist to me :') she would she would she would!!!

oh, he'd lose his shit if he saw an injury on her :( i remember my ex once crying and rushing to the hospital when i fell in the shower, and i had a lil scar on my chin (still do), and i think tae would feel similar? shedding tears and inspecting her wound and just everything :( he loves his baby and wants not a single scratch on her

omg ofc, he'd never be able to keep his chill with her hahaha no touch is ever enough. needs her melted with him <3

"i think when he gave her that role for the first time, he wasn't expecting getting LOVED ON" BABE YESS!!! 😭 maybe that's why he's so comfortable with her, too, even if he gives away control. he knows she knows what she's doing. also omg the exorcism one 😂 they're both witty so 100%.

hahaha honestly, i can't remember what i said about their firstborn or if i said anything at all, but yeah honestly both is possible!!! a boy whom he loves teaching life, or a girl who he adores with all his heart.. would definitely destroy him, along with oc hahaha that's a bit too much for his lil (big) heart :') little monet family 🥺

i hope you slept well!!! thank you so much for typing this all out??? i can't believe somebody's ready to do this for me or is invested enough in one of my stories to come up with such wholesome and long ass headcanons??? i love you fr 😭 i'm always here if you remember the others. thank you <3

#notes for rid 🌹#🎀 anon #fic: ruin you #long ask

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cathchicken · 3 months ago

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What are your inspirations that you used to get better at drawing?

I think I’ll actually answer an ask for once. Hm, I draw from a lot of things I think. When I draw my creatures, I really think of art by Wayne Barlow and charseraph. Extremely impressive and unique stuff!! Also definitely mr kosemen for my spec stuff, he has a sense of organic detail but also humor haha.

My rendering style is sort of based off many different artists, basically the ones that paint on like one layer with a very tiny brush (which is how I do it) but I also like to experiment with different techniques to get more of a gaudy traditional style, mostly just to somewhat replicate my actual traditional art. My gouache style is more so my own thing I think… but my sketching style is very quick and loose, somewhat from training in the studio but also from artists like Rebecca sugar and especially tove jansson for my inking. Also some Calvin and Hobbes in there too. If I draw more graphic characters, I think of art from made in abyss or my hero. I like the violent expressions both medias utilize so I think about those a lot when I draw expressions. Something that doesn’t exactly look human but still conveys strong emotions

There’s probably more inspos I have I just can’t think of it on the spot. I might update this if I remember something important!

#thank you!#asks #art #text post

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moreteethplease · 1 year ago

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Post-Mortem/Devlog: Office 17

In continuing my tiny effort to write devlog-type-things so I can document and look back on my process/progress/etc...

It's pride month, and that also means the Queer Games Bundle is out! I have a game in here called Office 17 that I made for NaNoRenO 2023, and I thought I'd talk a little bit about making it. You can play it here! It has seven endings, about 15,000 words, and each playthrough is 30-60 minutes, depending on your reading speed.

Minor spoilers below the cut. Also, this is a LONG post.

I started this VN with the intent of making something similar to a type of game I really enjoy: job simulators set in dystopian or dystopian-adjacent worlds, where you're tasked with fairly repetitive jobs, always one mistake away from a terrible fate. (Think Papers Please, the Headliner series, Mind Scanners, Death and Taxes...)

I was also loosely inspired by the SCP universe; I'm a huge fan and always have SCP articles open on my phone, so it was easy to draw inspo from that.

In the game, you work for a mysterious institution known as the Triquetra Organization. It specializes in handling incongruous phenomena (anything that doesn't align with the laws of reality). You've recently been promoted to Office 17, which makes you Officer 17, and you work with an assistant, Assistant 17. Real names are never used, workers' rights are nonexistant, you're isolated from the rest of the world, and handling these cases can get you infected with deadly incongruence unless you consume Congruere tablets.

Most of the background information you get about the organization you work for is through Assistant 17. If you choose to talk to her, there's a lot you can learn on each playthrough, but you can also choose to never speak to her beyond pleasantries. A lot is implied instead of directly spoken, so you can draw your own conclusions about the organization.

Writing

I did the writing first because last year, which was my first NaNoRenO and also my first ever game, I did art first and totally regretted it. That's a lesson learned.

Though time consuming, writing the script for the game was fairly easy because I already had tons of ideas for cases. The game spans five in-game "cycles". The first three are Work Cycles, where you, well, work. The fourth is a Rest Cycle; some endings might happen here. The fifth, if you get there, is another Work Cycle, sort of - you get an ending as soon as you walk into your office from your sleeping cubicle.

There were some variables I wanted players to be able to influence:

Your bond with your assistant

How much you expose yourself to incongruity

Your decisions about an important case that carries forward from your previous office

Your chosen method of handling cases; are you choosing well? choosing certain types of answers only? wasting resources?

I was so pleased that I was able to bring all that into the game with such little time available!

There were two things I cut out for time:

The option to choose to drink tea with Assistant 17, where she could read your tea leaves and give you veiled, vague insight on the ending you're heading toward

Two more in-game cycles, both Work Cycles

There is a lot of lore that I wrote in my notes that isn't explicitly talked about in-game because there was no reason for that exposition. Maybe I'll talk about them one day, but it seems much more fun to let people interpret the world their own way.

Scene Art

I'm not much of an artist, but I try to draw what I can for visual novels.

At first, I was aiming for a very corporate minimalist aesthetic with just whites and blues. I even toyed with the idea of a completely black-and-white game. Ultimately, though, I didn't end up liking those ideas, and as I've tended to do in VNs, I went for a pretty colourful aesthetic.

The first room I made for the game was the cubicle, which is the main character's assigned bedroom and living space. It was a good lesson in perspective; I found a neat grid guide online to use to help align everything.

The office, meanwhile, was easy - it's just a desk, a wall, and a chair, with a few corporate motivational posters sprinkled in.

I've only made four ren'py games so far, and in three of them, there are portions where character sprites are behind a table to indicate that there's a table separating the main character from the other characters. I really like doing this, so the protagonist of Office 17 spends all their office hours behind a desk.

Character Art

I had a lot of trouble with character art, probably because I don't know a lot about art and barely practice, lmao.

Assistant 17 is modeled her after Malaysian women I see in my everyday life. I didn't like my first iteration of her (it looked a little creepy, too?); I wanted her to be more colourful, a spot of brightness in the bleakness of the organization.

Leia is a character who only shows up for a certain ending, but she's mentioned (kind of) throughout the game. My first iteration of her just felt very, very wrong. (And again, just like Assistant 17, she looked kind of creepy? It might be the eyes.) I ended up making her younger later on and used a ton of references to figure out how I wanted her to look.

There's only one other character with sprites in the game, and that's The Shadow. He kind of looked the same from start to finish; the only difference was originally he was an object-head-type character with a diamond for a face.

Putting The Game Together

Despite the ton of variables that dictate cases and endings, coding the game was pretty straight forward. As opposed to The Still Dancer, there are no fancy screens or point-and-click segments, so it was really just a smooth, simple process. I think I'd like to challenge myself more in future games, coding-wise.

I ultimately think the game ended up being a little derivative of the concepts it was trying to emulate, but that's okay! It was super fun to work on regardless. If you'd like, you can download the game here:

You can also get it in the Queer Games Bundle, which also has a Pay What You Can edition!

#devlog #ren'py #visual novel #indiegamedev

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random-mha-thoughts · 5 years ago

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Murphy’s Law (Bakugou x Reader)

Pairing: Bakugou x Reader

Genre: Fluff, comedy/crack

Summary: Bakugou just wants a peaceful date with you and promises to tone down his aggression, but things don’t always go his way.

Word count: 2,206

Inspo: This tik tok

Tags: @yuki-osaki @liviitehe @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog @bunnythepipsqueak

a/n: I absolutely love writing these comedy/crack style plots, they’re so fun! They just fit so well with Bakugou’s character, what can I say?

Starting next post, I’ll finally be posting some spicy content ;) Not nsfw exactly, but I’d give it a PG-13 rating if I had to.

Anyway, its 3 am and I’m about to pass out. Enjoy~!

"You smell like...cherries?" Bakugou takes a deeper whiff of the crook of my neck. "No, wait... Vanilla?"

I bite my lip, trying not to chuckle too hard and disturb his adorable sleuthing.

"I got it," he moves up to stare me right in the eyes for my answer. "Coconut." When I nod, he smirks victoriously. "I knew it." He peppers my face and neck in soft kisses, his grip on my waist tightening. "Admit it, your boyfriend is amazing."

I tilt my head and scrunch my eyes. "You're...okay."

His grip turns into erratic twitches as he tickles me. "Just okay, huh?"

My breath is stolen by laughter. "Okay! You're amazing!" I curse his knowledge of my ticklish spots.

Bakugou ceases his mischievous torture and returns to our original cuddling position: his one arm on top of my waist and the other enveloping my shoulders as I rest on his chest. We bask in the silence of each other's warmth and breathing, the faint sound of his heartbeat thudding in my ear.

His warm fingers draw patterns against exposed skin near the hem of my shirt. "We haven't been out on a proper date for a while, we should go this weekend," he proposes out of the blue.

I mull over the idea. We've both been busy with training, and we both mutually agree that we prefer spending more intimate time with each other like this than being out on a formal date. "What brought this up?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"It's just a random thing, no big deal," he snorts, trying to pass it off casually, but I know him well enough to know better.

"You saw Todoroki taking Midoriya out, didn't you?"

I hear the clinking of his teeth as he clenches his jaw, taking that as a positive response.

I sigh, loosing draping my arm onto his chest. "Katsuki-"

"I just wanna make you feel special, okay?" he blurts out, terse but affectionate in his own way. "I don't want you to think I don't care about you or that you're missing out on things other couples do. I'm your man, you deserve more."

My fingers softly trail up his arm. In other words, he feels like he's not doing enough in our relationship. I peck his lips. "Okay, let's do it. But let's not go somewhere too fancy. I don't feel like dressing up and all that. Besides, you're too...excited for those quiet places."

His eyebrows furrow. "Whaddaya mean by that?"

I want to chuckle at his defiance. "You get very easily riled up. Sometimes, you just need to tone it down a notch."

Though he pouts, he mutters, "I'll be on my best behavior, promise."

The weekend finally rolls around. The Sun shines brightly, there isn't a cloud in the sky, the temperature is brisk, nothing could possibly go wrong.

Bakugou agreed to meet at noon so we could go out for lunch at this cute outdoor restaurant downtown. I dress in a somewhat-fancy-somewhat-casual grey sweater, black leather pants, and Chelsea boots. While I'm deciding on what accessories to style with my outfit, there's a knock at my door. I glance at the clock, only then realizing it's 12:30, and rush to the door.

Bakugou stands in the doorway, looking like an absolute snack. For some reason, he's dressed in a crisp white button down, fitted black slacks down above his ankles held up by black suspenders, and brown dress shoes. Slack jawed, I barely have a second to comment on how amazing he looks before he storms into my room and I catch a whiff of his cologne, wanting to shower him with compliments.

"Katsuki-"

"I woke up late, I'm sorry," he growls, throwing a black strip of fabric around his neck and making a beeline for my full length mirror. He's trying to knot a tie around his neck, I realize. "My alarm didn't go off for some stupid reason, and I wanted to wake up early to get you flowers before coming here. This date's already ruined and I'm not even ready- AND THIS STUPID TIE JUST WON'T TIE PROPERLY!" Clearly, he's already worked up and his tie won't cooperate with him.

At first, it's cute watching him struggle, but I realize he's genuinely bothered by this entire situation. I wrap my arms around his torso from behind. "Babe, it's fine. We're not in a hurry, just take your time." I assure him softly. "I was just finishing up myself."

At the sound of my voice, my boyfriend releases his tension in a sigh. "You're right. I promised I'll be calmer today." He finally finishes tying his tie and smooths it over.

I smile and kiss his cheek to comfort him. "You look so handsome."

A light blush colors Bakugou's cheeks as he runs his hands through his hair. "I did it for you, dummy," he admits in the softest voice.

We stare at each other in the mirror fondly for a moment, and I ruffle his hair. "Let's go, whenever you're ready."

As we're getting ready to leave the dorms, Kaminari and Mineta are playing some sort of weird game in the hallway with Mineta's purple spheres where Kaminari tries to hit them with his lightning.

One of them flies past Bakugou's head, just missing it, and he almost goes off. "I swear if one of those things hits me in the face, you idiots are-!" Cutting himself off at the end, he takes a deep breath. "I'm calm, I'm calm. Let's just get out of here."

It's cute watching him struggle to stay calm for my sake.

And it doesn't get any easier. Somewhere during the walk over to the restaurant, the sprinkler system turns on in someone's lawn and managed to almost spritz Bakugou's crisp outfit. He says nothing and holds in his complaints, like a true trooper. The next thing to go wrong is the train getting delayed. Such a small nuisance is too much for the boy, as evidenced by the wild tapping of his foot on the floor to the point where some of the other passengers stare at him.

"If I could use my quirk, I would've just blasted us out of here to the restaurant," he mutters in my ear.

I squeeze his hand in mine. "You're doing a great job, babe."

The smile that appears on his face is absolute bliss.

After the train finally moves and we reach our stop, we make our way through the city hand in hand, talking only to each other.

"You've out-dressed me, Katsuki. Where did these clothes even come from?"

"My mom always told me a formal outfit is a staple," the boy shrugs in response. "I just didn't want to wear the jacket because it's still daytime."

In the back of my head, I realize that Bakugou seems to have an unconscious eye for dressing presentable, he just chooses to wear joggers and a T-shirt all the time.

"I just figured we were going to a nice place and I wanted to look good, you know?" he continues. "Even though everything's kinda gone to hell so far today."

My heart melts for how hard he's trying, and I decide to hug his arm for comfort. "You're doing amazing. I'm having fun just being with you so far."

In return, he kisses my forehead. "The date's not over yet, we still need to eat." He takes out his phone. "I just need to make sure we're going-"

We collide into someone who's not watching where they're going, and, unfortunately, Bakugou's phone gets knocked out of his hand. Almost in slow motion, we watch as the poor device crashes against the concrete face down. I can feel his grip on my hand tighten as he growls and picks up the phone, hoping for the best, only to realize there are now spidery cracks across the surface.

I hold my breath for the inevitable outburst, which doesn't come. A vein pops in Bakugou's neck and a muscle jumps in his jaw, but no sound escapes his lips except an extended, harsh exhale. "Can I check it on your phone, babe?" he asks through clenched teeth, and I offer to be navigator myself out of pity.

When we finally get to the restaurant, we sit down and have our meal in peace. The blond seems to relax as food slowly fills his belly and we carry light conversation with each other.

"You finished all the rolls already?!" I guffaw, covering my face to keep myself from being too loud, "Were you that hungry?"

"I told you I got up late!" he growls, ripping off a piece from the last roll, "I haven't eaten yet all day."

I take his hand from across the table. "And you deserve it, with the day you've had so far."

Smooth as a criminal, he kisses my fingers gently, "At least you're here. But you shouldn't give me your hand so easily, I might bite you because of how hungry I am." He jokingly starts play biting my hand, making me laugh again. And just for a moment, our eyes catch each other's, sharing our affections wordlessly.

Until something - or someone - crashes into our table.

Both of us get to our feet instinctively and inspect the damage. The person who had crashed our table is a male waiter we recognized moving around since we've been here.

"That man is a villain! He's trying to rob the place!" one of the staff announces from across the room.

The man slowly tries standing on his feet, catching onto the closest thing to help himself. Which happened to be Bakugou's pant leg. Looking up, the sorry villain realizes he's just sealed his fate.

Bakugou's face is crimson with impatient rage, bottled up from the entire day and ready to explode onto the nearest victim.

"What. The actual. Fuck?" he murmurs from deep in his throat down at the villain, who's eyes are widening as he registers he might actually be facing a devil. The boy's breathing gets ragged. "You have exactly," he pulls and undoes the knot around his neck in one swift movement, not breaking his malicious glare on the villain, "Two seconds," he throws the tie aside and slides his suspenders off his shoulders, "Before I blast you into oblivion," the top buttons of his shirt are undone.

"I-I'm so sorry I interrupted your date," the villain's eyes widen as he slides backwards into the broken table. "Y-You two must've been having a good time-"

"Damn RIGHT we were!" Bakugou bellows, sleeved already folded and he's pushing them up past his elbows away from his hands. "Now you're gonna DIE!"

As hot as it was watching my angry boyfriend slightly undress, I don't want him getting in trouble doing something illegal. I grasp his taut elbow, avoiding his forearm. "Katsuki, just leave this for the pros to deal with, don't get yourself in trouble."

He slowly calms his breathing, but still eyes the man with a murderous glint as we back away from the situation.

We silently eat our sandwiches on a park bench. Bakugou's gnawing and mashing his food to get his anger out, his tie hanging out of his pocket since he couldn't be bothered to re-tie it around his neck, or readjust his outfit.

I quietly admire his rugged appearance and let out a small chuckle.

He shoots me a look. "What're you laughing at?"

"I'm just thinking how much better you look when you're all undone like this," I remark, finishing the last of my own sandwich, "You looked too uptight before, this is way more casual."

My comment is met with a smirk and a huff as he uses one arm to pull me so close to him, I might as well be on his lap. "Is that your way of saying I look hot all angry like this?"

"Maybe." With that, I steal the last bite from his sandwich.

Bakugou sets the wrapper aside and hugs my waist with both hands, setting me properly in front of him so I can look him straight on. "I'm sorry I lost my cool like that. I promised I'd stay calm for you today, but nothing even went right all day and then that mess happened."

His ashamed expression makes me plant a quick kiss on his lips, allowing a light blush to appear in its place. "You're amazing, Katsuki. You've had such crappy luck all day and you managed to hold in your anger for most of it. But, while I appreciate the effort, you really didn't have to." I wrap my arms around his neck affectionately. "I love you and all your hotheaded screaming, you dope, no fancy dates or rules needed. Don't feel like you need to do more for me when I just need you."

A heart-melting smile spreads across Bakugou's face as he rests our foreheads together. "I don't deserve you, babe, you're the best I could ever ask for." Our lips join together in a sweet kiss for a moment.

I break it with a chuckle. "Honestly though, I really would've liked to see you smash that guy's face in."

"Me too!"

#Bakugou x reader #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bakugou fluff #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou #bakugou imagine #crack #bakugou scenario #gender neutral reader #bnha x reader #bnha fanfiction #mha x reader #mha fanfiction

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vanchlo · 4 years ago

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The Assistant / Chapter Forty-Five, “Evermore”

*Gif’s not mine*

Clickable Links:

- Masterlist feat. all chapters and Character Surveys

- Inspo tag

- Hecky Playlist

- Read on Wattpad

- Warnings: Mentions of hospital care

- Word Count: 7k words

“Her face is stuck in every place.

The front door, the ghost of her winter boots on the door mat, the barstools at the kitchen island where we laughed over glasses of her Rebecca wine, the crusty banana bread forgotten on the counter, the head of the kitchen table where we burned our mouths on pot pie, and that’s not even the worst of it. The blanket from Sunday night remains in a messy pile on the sofa, just how we had left it. My chest shakes harder with another sob at the sight of it, and the wine glasses I had forgotten on the coffee table beside the bottles of nail polish.

Memories flood my insides when I sink onto the cushions, my head in my hands as her laugh from only three days ago fills my ears.”

Music Inspo: Hold My Girl by George Ezra (click to listen)

“Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.”

― Henry Miller

I’m woken from my dreams due to movements within my arms. Knuckling at my eyes with a groan, I look around, feeling regrettable about the reality that I had come back to. The one that I was previously immersed in was far better, and brings a reminiscent smile to my lips at the remembrance of. Settling my eyes on her, wrapped up safely inside of my arms, my lazy lips curl into a larger smile at the thought.

Her with her own arms holding a blue-eyed, dark-haired little baby with me at her side. Talk about dreamy.

Her forehead is warm underneath my lips, and soft as ever. The creamy vanilla lotion she uses leaves hints of the fragrance across her face, one of the few necessities Skye grabbed from home today. I brush away the loose waves that drape over her skin, but within seconds, I wish that I hadn’t when I find the stitches and colors claiming her.

A noise interrupts my thoughts and when I look up, the nurse is standing at my side clearing her throat. Her arms are crossed over her chest and she’s shaking her head at me.

“Harry,” she sighs, wagging a finger at me dramatically.

“Kristi, I know, ‘m not s’posed t’ be up here. ‘m sorry, but she was hysterical from a nightmare, and I couldn’t get her t’ calm down,” I confess in a dry voice.

Relenting with a sigh, she whispers her reply, “Alright, but you need to be careful of her IV tubing, as well as her injuries. I don’t want anybody else in her family thinking that we allow this kind of thing,” she pauses to wink, and I nod with understanding. “I’m glad you mentioned the nightmare, though, that’s something that I need to record.”

She follows up her lecture with a few quiet questions about the nightmare Becks had, and she types them in the laptop she brought in with her. Her eyebrows greeted her hairline when I mentioned Becks saying that she’s starting to remember, and that being the sole reason for the nightmare.

It could never feel sufficient, the number of whispery kisses I press to her battered skin, asleep or not. Bloody hell, is she so beautiful, I muse while admiring Becks below me, sleeping peacefully. Finally. I never want to stop kissing her, but soon after those thoughts sound in my skull, my heavy eyelids yell for me to close them. Giving in, they win and I fall into the soundest sleep I’ve had in days.

My own name rouses me from my sleep, and it takes a few moments of adjusting to remember where I am. It’s quicker than yesterday, making me realize how used to all of this I’m getting. I’m not entirely sure how to feel about that, but it’s all washed away when I find the baby blue pair of eyes waiting for me.

“Morning,” she rasps, her voice sounding almost entirely hers now. I couldn’t be happier about it as her head remains on my shoulder, eyes poised towards me.

“G’mornin’, my sweet. How’d ya sleep fer tha rest o’ tha night?” I yawn, tapping her nose with my finger.

“Great,” she smiles and I nod happily, soon echoing her words. “Best I’ve slept here so far.”

“‘m so happy t’ hear that, bug,” I grin and she just stares back at me, something ethereal covering her body in front of me. My, is she something else entirely, I wonder silently. Glancing to my watch, my eyebrows shoot towards the ceiling. “Reckon we both needed it, ‘s bloody ten in tha mornin’, love.”

The softest of laughs tickles my ears, yanking my lips towards the sky effortlessly. There it is, at last, my favorite sound in the entire world. Well, next to her sing-song voice, that’s my favorite song of all.

“I missed hearin’ that,” I whisper, brushing the back of my finger against her satiny cheek. She just continues to smile, and my heart couldn’t feel fuller in this moment.

She’s okay, she’s smiling, she’s laughing, she’s so goddamn beautiful even with bruises and stitches, she’s mine, and she’s okay.

“How’re ya feelin’, bug? I hope I didn’t knock into ya in tha middle o’ tha night, or hurt ya or anythin’.”

“I’m okay, kinda hungry,” she answers, combing a hand through her hair and pausing to scratch an itch. “Head feels heavy and hurts though, and my tummy a little too.”

“That’s good yer hungry, yer appetite ‘s comin’ back. Here, lemme slide out and ‘ll press on yer pain pump.”

“No, Harry,” she objects, grabbing hold of my arm the second I make a movement. “Don’t leave, you’re all warm,” she whines, moving closer to me and grabbing a fistful of my button up in her hand.

Now, it’s my turn to giggle, “‘Kay, but only a few mo’ minutes, I don’t wantcha t’ be in pain, babe,” I coo, beginning to drag my fingers through her hair, but when I watch her eyes close, I stop. I know that she’ll fall back asleep if I do and she needs it, but I’m reminded of the day nurse emphasizing yesterday the importance of her needing to eat. “Don’t fall asleep again yet, bug, ya need yer breakfast. Ya gotta eat t’ heal and get betta.”

“Okay,” she sighs sadly, slowly opening her eyes and looking back up at me.

“Yer eye ‘s lookin’ betta. Reckon it doesn’t help much without yer glasses tho’,” I snicker and her smile grows an inch. “Skye was gonna bring some contacts o’ yers from home t’day, and see if you could wear them. I bet that’d help loads.”

“Yeah,” she hums in reply. “Are you gonna go home too?” Becks asks gently, a curious sadness hidden behind her words. She’s never been very good at hiding her feelings, let alone lying, and I’ve come to be rather good at reading her.

“For a li’l bit, if that’s okay with you.”

“But I’ll miss you,” she answers, looking away to hide the wetness growing in her eyes, but I catch it at the last second. My thumb finds a holding on her chin, and I turn her head to look back at me.

“I won’t be gone long, bug, and it’ll prolly be later when sumbody else can be here with you. Jus’ wanna go home and grab a few things, and shower so I don’t stink anymo’,” I tell her, willing her to look me in the eyes. To my surprise, she does almost the second the thought trickles into my mind. The sight of her glassy eyes wrenches at my heart, and brushing them away with my finger hardly helps. “And t’ pack a bag so I have clothes and me things t’ keep me set here fer awhile so I don’t hafta leave again fer a while, besides showers. ‘ll hafta see if they have a family room o’ sorts t’ take showers here or sumthin’.”

“Okay,” she says, closing her eyes once again. Another tear leaks from her eye and I catch it as soon as it escapes. “Come back.”

“Always, Becks, y’know that,” I tell her, eliciting a nod into my chest.

“I felt so much better sleeping next to you. Safer.”

“Me too, baby. I wish we could do it ev’ry night, I like havin’ ya tucked away in me arms all safe and sound,” I echo, smoothing back her hair before I plant a kiss to the crown of her head. My special spot. “I love you,” I mouth against her hair, much too afraid to let the sounds free from my lips with all that’s going on and the perhaps fluke from the other night. “So much.”

“Stop,” she giggles against my cheek, and I swear, there’s never been a better song written in the whole universe. I continue to scatter kisses across her face, until my last one finds her nose. “Go home, you smell.”

“Hey!” I protest, finding her happy smile with my own two eyes. A sight in and of itself. “I don’t smell.”

“Yes, you do,” Becks giggles, the sound slowly falling away as my eyes find hers. Within a blink, her lips find mine and press a deep kiss to my own. It couldn’t last long enough and then I’m looking into those eyes that I hope and dream my children get to have, but it’s forgotten when hers flood with tears. “I’ll miss you.”

“‘ll be back inn’a hour, love, no longa than that. I promise,” I insist, holding her cheek in my hand, and saddening at her question of what I’m doing again. “‘m goin’ home t’ take a shower, pack a bag, and grab me car. I won’t be long.”

“Oh yeah, I remember you saying that now. I’m sorry, I can’t remember for shit,” she frowns, eyes growing wetter by the second.

“‘s okay, ‘m here t’ help ya rememba. Are ya sure you’ll be okay with me gone for a li’l bit? Skye, yer dad, and Robbie are here. Try t’ get some rest while ‘m gone, ya need it,” I say, drawing waves back and forth on her cheek and pressing a quick kiss to her lips that I can’t resist.

“I’m fine, Harry. I wanna watch Harry Potter.”

“No, ya need t’ sleep, honeybug. Ya watched tha whole second one with me, that’s two and a half hours, Becks. Ya haven’t slept since ya woke up, and that was five hours ago,” I argue, widening my eyes at her and wishing she’d surrender her stubbornness already. “Stop bein’ stubborn,” I giggle, and it only comes harder when her features fall into her famous pout, one that’s harder to resist given the circumstances. She’s just too bloody cute.

“Fine,” she sighs, blinking hard and soon yawning.

“Told ya yer tired, ya gotta listen t’ me sumtimes, cuz ‘m right.”

“No, you’re not,” she smirks, and I roll my eyes with a snicker.

“See ya soon, brat,” I chuckle as her eyes fall closed, pulling the blankets up past her shoulders and tucking them underneath her. The sight of her white arm cast will never get easier, I suspect, but who said that any part of this has gotten easier on Day Two? “‘ll be back inna hour, my sweet. Get some rest, and ‘ll see if tha nurse will let us have a cuddle when I get back. Sweet dreams, Becks.”

“Bye, Harry. Drive safe,” she drawls, words floating away from her as sleep nears her. “Come back.”

“I will, baby. Always,” I hum against her forehead, leaving one last kiss there. Straightening my back, my thumb remains glued to her cheek, only leaving to wipe away the tear that escapes from my eye. “I love you,” I whisper under my breath, taking the first step away from her.

I’ve always found it hard to walk away from her, but I couldn’t hate it more than I do in this very moment. It’s never frightened me so much to leave her, as it does now, seeing as I know how quickly things can change when one leaves.

“She’ll be okay, I’ll sit with her.”

Turning my head, I lose sight of Becks and find Skye waiting a few steps away with a book tucked into her hands.

“Thanks, keep me updated if erm, anythin’ happens.”

“It won’t, but I will, Harry. It’s okay,” she agrees aloud, but my eyes have already ran away from her and back to Becky. Over my shoulder, I can just make out the sounds of her soft snores outside the door of her room. I already miss her, and I haven’t even left her yet, I think as another tear races down my cheek. This keeps happening, I’ve found, but it doesn’t become any easier to leave. “The first time you’ve left her for more than ten minutes, huh?”

“Ya,” I croak, meeting her eyes through my blurry ones. Nodding at her, I lift my leaden feet to take another step. “Take care o’ her fo’ me.”

Her face is stuck in every place.

Memories flood my insides when I sink onto the cushions, my head in my hands as her laugh from only three days ago fills my ears. I can still feel the touch of her knitted jumper between my fingers from that night, the delicacy of her fingers swiping nailpolish over mine, and the sensation of her hands in my hair and her socked foot trailing up my leg underneath the kitchen table. These thoughts fill my head as I drag myself up the stairs, and although she didn’t venture up here that night, I can’t leave her down there. I remember the night she hauled my drunk ass home, even if it was years ago, and helped me into bed. That’s not even touching all of the nights I stared up at the ceiling, longing to hear her voice, and then the nights where I smiled up at it, knowing I’d hear it tomorrow and every day after that.

They threaten to never leave as my wrinkled suit falls to the floor of my bathroom, the sight feeling peculiar and welcomed all in one. Staring at it with a hazy sight, I toss it into the hamper, thinking of possibly burning it until I remember the first day we had at work together in it. Swallowing, the knot within my throat joins the pity party as the hot stream of water cascades down my body. I remain there under the scalding water, observing it disappear down the drain as it washes away the sadness pouring onto my cheeks.

The tears don’t disappear when wrapped in a towel, I sadly smile at the picture Skye sent of Becky smiling lying in bed.

Here’s a smile for you from Ree! She already misses you …. had a little nightmare again but she was okay and I was there. She’s asleep again now, and time for dinner soon. Take your time Harry, she’s ok xx

An onslaught of them now coat my cheeks - regret, anger, and sadness all balled into one being born inside of me at the thought of her waking up scared without me there. Sniffles and whimpers are all that leave me and fill my surroundings as I lay folded clothes inside of the biggest duffel bag I could find, as many joggers, jumpers, t-shirts, and beanies that I can fit before the zipper won’t zip. Only then, do I remember I need to pack other things. Unpacking a few pairs of socks and shirts, I stuff my bag of shower things into the side, chargers, my laptop Myles dropped off from work, deodorant, cologne, a random book I’d always meant to read, vitamins, random snacks, a favorite blanket from the linen closet, and my steel water bottle. I thread a pillow through its handles, glancing over to my unmade bed, missing the person who woke up in it on Monday morning, unbeknownst to the despair and misery that would soon kidnap his happiness.

Exhaling loudly, I drape the strap over my shoulder and begin my steps back to her. I’m coming back, Becks, like I always said I would.

Her soft sounds bounce around the room while the third Harry Potter hums in the background. Finding the remote on her bedside table, I click it off and drown the room in silence. With full hands, I take quiet steps over to her, a smile having already claimed my lips the moment I parked my car. Peace paints her face and I couldn’t be happier being back with my Becks, not wanting to leave her again, and hopefully not again until all of this shit is over.

Her slow breaths tickle my skin when I bend down to press a kiss to her forehead, welcomed by her vanilla scent. Her snoring continues to paint the air as I walk away briefly.

A soft tap! interrupts the absence when I set down the clear vase, swiftly rearranging the stems below me. I leave the small black box beside it and cross the room, leaving my heavy duffel bag on the floor beside the sofa and out of the way.

“Harry?” a voice rasps from behind me. Turning around, I find her little head of dark hair stirring.

“Shh, go back t’ sleep, bug,” I coo, sliding off my coat that I drape over the sofa.

“Are you back or am I dreaming?”

“‘m back, Becks, jus’ got here,” I answer her gently, making quick work of walking over to arrive at her side. “Hi,” I hum happily, feeling a warm jolt to my heart when a smile curls into her cheeks.

“Hi, Harry,” she giggles, a pink at last finding her cheeks.

“Hi, my love,” I smile, dipping down to carefully surround her with my arms and in the process, covering her with kisses. “I told ya I wouldn’t be gone mo’ than an hour. ‘m sorry ya hadda nightmare without me, I hope yer okay . . Hope ya still got some rest.”

“I’m okay, and I did. I’m glad you’re back, I missed you,” she whispers against my neck, pressing a lazy kiss there.

“I missed ya mo’.”

“No, I missed you more,” she argues, a giggle finishing her words. “Most . . I missed you most.”

“Fine, ‘ll give it t’ ya.”

“Good,” she smiles, resigned with success that I find when I pull away to look at her. Shock finds its way back to me at the once again sight of her bruises and stitches after an hour of forgetting them. “You smell good.”

“Why thank you, I took a shower.”

“You look comfy,” she adds on, taking hold of a string from my maroon Rolling Stones hoodie, toying with it between her fingers. The IV tubing dangling from it still sends jolts across my heart.

“I feel betta now, I can tell ya that.”

“Good,” she coos, playing with the second string now too. I can’t resist any longer and steal a random kiss from her lips, finding her blushing smile afterwards. “Aw, did you get me flowers? They’re purple!”

“‘Course they are, I had t’ get yer favourite color, babe,” I answer proudly, stepping away to grab the tall vase from her bedside table. “Looks like ya got a few mo’ since ‘ve been gone too. Ya sure are loved by many, Becks.”

“They’re beautiful.”

“Jus’ like sumbody I know, I wonder who that could be,” I comment teasingly, returning to her bedside to show her the vase of violet roses. “Honey, don’t cry, ‘s okay.”

“You’re so sweet, thank you,” she blubbers, tears flying from her eyes that she can’t wipe away fast enough. A long ‘aw’ jumps from my lips as I set the vase back down and return her to my arms.

“Yer welcome, anythin’ fo’ me girl. I saw all tha flowers you were gettin’ and figured it took me long enough t’ get ya some.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t have to,” she hiccups into my neck, finding holdings on the back of my jumper where she clings to me.

“Yes, I did, and I wanted t’ . . Reckon I should wait on yer present so ya don’t cry anymo’.”

“A present?!” she whispers excitedly, and my giggle soon finds a friend in hers.

Moving away, I leave her with yet another forehead kiss, wiping surprise tears from my own eyes. I catch the budding ones that fall from her waterline before grabbing the little box beside her flowers. ‘Ooo’s and ‘awww’s fill my ears when I open the box and slide the simple gemstone bracelet onto her wrist.

“I saw it and thought o’ you right away, jus’ like with tha flowers. I hope ya like it, seein’ how ‘s purple and all,” I say, pulling on the two ends of the string to tighten it.

“I love it, Harry,” she croaks, tears catching on her words as she stares down at the shades of lavender, cream, and violet claiming her skin.

“Perfect.” With a chuckle, I find my way into her arms after she tugged on my hoodie strings.

“I betta tie those things up, seein’ you already know how t’ use ‘em. ‘s a bit scary really,” I titter against the top of her head, smoothing back her hair. Profuse ‘thank you’s scatter the air, and I feel a stitch begin to heal my heart, ever so slowly. Her tears aren’t alone as I sniffle above her, my arms wound around her shoulders ever so gently.

“Alright?” she mumbles, and a bittersweet smile joins the party.

“Ya, ‘m alright if yer alright, Becks . . Are you?”

“Yes, I always am if you’re there.”

“Me too, babe, me too,” I hiccup, the tears coming hot and fast now, falling into her hair. Always.

Yawning, voices trickle over as the door to the bathroom shuts behind me. Carding a hand through my hair, I follow the familiar sounds until I’m back by the family room scattered with chairs. Now, blankets, bags, and fast food wrappers claim the tables next to Skye, Robbie, Chuck, Asher, and a tall, blonde woman I don’t recognize.

I’m spotted and soon waved over by Asher, “Hey, how’s she doing? Did she eat all of her dinner?”

“She’s good, restin’ now, and almost all o’ it. Didn’t care fer tha green peas tho’, but I dunno how she can’t like ‘em,” I grin jokingly, but it doesn’t remain as my eyes follow the unfamiliar woman standing beside Robbie. “D’ya know who that ‘s?” I ask him, turning to meet his eyes, but they fall away, only hinting at the danger that’s brewing.

“Hi, I don’t believe we’ve met. You are . . ?” the strange lady says, stepping forward with her arm stretched out. A long brown sweater covers her body clad in black jeans and a frilly blouse. The slope of her button nose and slightly oval face quickly piece together the puzzle pieces for me, and I know. “I’m Becky’s mum, Kate. Are you her boyfriend, or something?” she laughs jokingly.

“Ya, I am actually,” I answer coolly, hesitantly shaking her hand while struggling to make eye contact with the very person I’ve heard so many awful things about. Yet, I can see Becks in her, perhaps only hints of her, but I see them. “‘Scuse me,” I mumble, stepping away and with pounding steps, I find Skye perusing the magazines on the shelf against the wall.

“I need t’ talk t’ you,” I tell her flatly, stopping at her side.

“What do you want, Cosmo, Bon Appetit, GQ, Rolling Sto-,” she jokes, flipping her faded blue hair over her shoulder, brunette roots bleeding into the off white.

“No, I don’t want a bloody magazine. What tha fook were you thinkin’ tellin’ Becky’s mum t’ come here?” the question explodes off my lips, and I find it a feat to keep the words between the two of us. Her eyebrows near her hairline and she forgets the magazines, turning to face me.

Arms crossed over her chest clad in a 90’s Rugrats jumper, her features fall into a crouch as I wait for words to leave her, “Ree said that she could come, we asked her.”

“What tha fook ‘s wrong with you lot, askin’ her ‘bout that while I was gone?!” I retort, a hand escaping my pocket to help me do the talking.

“She’s not just yours, Harry, you know that?” she spits back, shaking her head in disbelief, it seems.

“No shit, Sherlock, but how in tha hell did ya think that was a good idea? Huh, where were you when her mum exploded on her all o’ those times at work, callin’ me bloody office t’ speak with her ‘cuz she was ignorin’ her phone, or jus’ a few weeks ago, huh?” I ask adamantly, searching for the answer in her cold blue eyes.

“No, I wasn’t there, but I was there for almost every other time, Harry. I was there comforting her after every row all throughout primary, secondary, and then on. She’s my best friend too, Harry, so don’t you even talk to me about being there for her, because you can’t fucking talk,” Skye retaliates, the words hitting me in the gut, but my mission propels me forward.

“That’s not tha fookin’ point, you should bloody know afta bein’ here tha last two days that she’s nowhere near ready t’ see her mum, Skye. She was inna bloody car wreck - she has a concussion, had emergency surgery, and ‘s on a handful o’ drugs that keep her from thinkin’ straight. Befo’ I left, I told her where I was goin’ and not even two minutes later, she couldn’t rememba what ‘d said. She’s not in her right mind, Skye, so how d’ya think it was okay t’ bloody ask her if her abusive mother could come t’ visit? Yer s’posed t’ be on her side, Skye, on Becks’ side,” I snap, and the fire still resides in my chest when I turn away to stomp down the hall.

I wish I knew how to fix this, because I know that I’ll have to be the one who has to. I wish so fucking badly that I knew how to fix Becks, and I don’t, and I’m all the further away now.

Crack.

I feel it inside of my ribs when I stop in her doorway, finding her eyes pointed towards the small flatscreen mounted to the wall. My throat becomes a sister to the Sahara rather quickly, and I can’t blink away the tears fast enough, because she notices me within moments. Under the spell of prescription drugs and painkillers, and she still has that feeling of hers down pat.

“Hi, honeybug,” I rasp, failing to swallow my pain and all of the words that I’m hurting to say.

“Where’d that nickname come from?” she grins, forgetting the Marvel movie on the television.

“I dunno, ‘cuz yer my bug and yer so goddamn sweet,” I explain to her, sitting down on the patch of unclaimed bed beside her.

“Alright?” she questions, dark eyebrows falling into a line. I can’t find the words and my name falls from her mouth next. I’m sure that if I looked at her heart rate monitor, it would have picked up by now due to concern.

“No,” I finally mutter, freeing my bottom lip that had become trapped between my teeth. Kneading my prickly chin with my thumb and forefinger, I have to look away from the worry harming her face. A warm tear begins a waterfall on mine, and to my surprise, she wicks it away with her thumb.

“Tell me,” she says coolly, cradling my cheek in her hands. Yet, it doesn’t make it any easier to say the next few words I know that I need to speak. Bittersweetness coats my tongue as she holds me in her hands and roots me there to the spot with those azul eyes that fill my dreams.

“Yer mum’s here,” I confess softly, forcing the words until they come tumbling out.

The shock and misery that debilitate her features at my words is next to nothing when we both hear the words that enter the room, “Hi, bunny.” I don’t need to turn around, because Becky’s face tells me all that I need to know, that her mum is already here.

“No,” Becks mutters, eyes glassy with an army of tears. Her head shakes quickly from side to side, and her hand falls from my face to clutch mine with dear life. “Harry, please no.”

“‘m so sorry, bug, it wasn’t me. I promise, I promise,” I confess tearfully, leaving her side to stand. If I had wanted to take another step, she wouldn’t let me, because my hand begins to hurt from how hard she’s holding onto it.

“Hi, Becky, it’s mum.”

“No, no, no, no,” Becky exclaims before me, emotions flying from her blues that beg at mine, sobs shaking her chest.

“Please leave, she d-doesn’t want you here,” I plead, lifting my head to find her mother walking around her bed to the other side.

“Excuse me? She’s my daughter, I-,” she begins, but Becky’s onslaught of ‘no’s pierce the air, threatening to never leave. My other hand comes to cover our joined pair, massaging circles into her skin where the IV doesn’t live.

“She doesn’t want you here, can’t you see that?!” I exclaim, stepping forward and closer to Becks, unsure of what more I can do. The only thing I can think of is to grab her by the shoulders and make her leave, but more than one reason refutes that, including the fact that Becks won’t let me leave.

“She’s upset and tired, she doesn’t know what she wants,” she, whatever her name is again, contends with emotion twisting her features into confusion. Swiftly, the hints of Becky are gone in her and the fear she finds in her mother’s face is shared with me and with those darkening eyes. “She is my daughter and I can-.”

“Harry, make her leave, please!” Becks shouts below me, head going from side to side in denial, and sobs stabbing at my ears.

“What’s going on here?” another voice demands, and already two days in, I know that it’s the day nurse, Shannon. Words flee her mother and I, while Becky’s insistent ‘no’s surround us. “Who are you?”

“I’m her mother, I’m here to see my daughter, Becky,” she insists from across me, reaching out a hand to touch Becks that she shrinks away from. Another crack resounds in my chest at the sound of her sobs growing louder.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to leave, you’re upsetting her too much,” Shannon announces emphatically, mentioning something about Becky’s vitals rising, only now drawing my eyes to the neon numbers. I wouldn’t have noticed it, although I try to tell myself that I would have eventually, but she’s right. Becky’s pulse is well over one-hundred, and her blood pressure is reaching dangerous numbers, and my heart picks up speed behind my ribs. I’m rather sure if I was hooked up to one of those, they wouldn’t look too good, either, with what’s going on. “Please leave before I call security.”

Relief doesn’t find me for several minutes, and it takes twice as long to arrive for Becks who still whimpers below me, the tears nowhere near stopping. The ones waiting in my dugout finally answer their call when the nurse mentions giving her something to calm down.

“No, I got it, jus’ gimme a few minutes. I can get her t’ calm down,” I insist tearfully, swallowing against a desert while rainfall covers my cheeks, and hers. “Hey, ‘s okay, baby, ‘s okay. Deep breaths, ‘kay?” I coo to Becky, but I’m well aware of the lack of conviction in my voice.

“Is she gone?” she cries and I nod quickly.

“She’s gone, bug, and ‘ll make sure she won’t come back, I promise. You don’t hafta worry.”

“I don’t wanna see her,” Becks confesses with a hiccup. Lifting my hand from our intertwined pair, I comb back her dark waves that nudge at her eyes.

“I know, Becks, I know. She’s gone,” I hum, catching her tears with the slick pad of my thumb before going back to stroking her hair.

“Why was she . . ?”

“I dunno, bug, there was a misunderstandin’,” I answer her, unsure of my words and every single thing that I do. I’m unsure if it helps, but I know that there’s nothing I’d rather be doing in this moment. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, even in my ignorant dreams.

“It wasn’t you, I know you wouldn’t,” she cries, shaky breaths escaping her lips when I ask her to take deep breaths with me.

“No, ‘d neva invite her, Becks. I dunno her name even.”

“Thank you,” she says with a hard gulp, with no allusion to what for, but I know. The hair stroking isn’t making a difference, because the tears are still coming at a record speed and I’m lost for words, and everything else too.

“Will you cuddle me, p-please? Feels like I c-can’t breathe,” she almost wails, her pained face dissolving with the words that she speaks.

“‘Course, bug, ‘m so sorry . . Keep takin’ deep breaths, I know you can do it, baby. ‘m right here . . in and out, that’s it. Keep goin’,” I tell her, toeing off my Vans that I wore for her whilst picking the oxygen cannula back up to thread into her nose. “Scooch over, Becks, don’t wanna hurt ya.”

A few more tendrils of relief find their way to me when she’s back in my arms, and I couldn’t care less what the nurse has to say, because nothing could feel more right than this. I’m only confirmed of that when she wiggles her way into my arms almost immediately and her head finds my chest, the tears soon wetting the fabric.

“Can you sing it to me?” Becks requests and an instant confirmation fills the air.

“Wise men say only fools rush in,” I begin, my fingers dancing through her hair and my lips leaving kiss after kiss atop her head. With my mouth ghosting over her hair, my eyes wander to the heart rate monitor. As the song paints the air around us, I watch as the numbers slowly start to fall while her crying quiets.

Only moments after finishing the last line of the song and for the second time, do her snores fall against my chest, and can I finally breathe. I lie there, counting the freckles scattered across her creamy white skin and wait for the tears to at last leave my eyes. Carefully, I move my body away from hers and lay her head down on the pillow, lastly draping the blankets over her sleeping body.

“‘ll be right back, I gotta go and keep me promise,” I whisper against her cheek, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear naked of earrings. My footsteps only begin after pressing a kiss to her cheek, assuring myself I’ll be back within moments to give her another.

The nurse shoots me a quick smile on my way out as I make quick work of the tears, and silent words pass between us albeit for the quiet ‘thank you’ and ‘good job’ she rewards me with.

“You might be my favourite, even though you’re not supposed to be getting into that bed with her,” she grins, her ponytail bobbing as she shakes her head at me jokingly. “You lot sure have a connection, so don’t be going anywhere for too long, she might miss you too much.”

“Thanks, I won’t be gone long. I uh, jus’ gotta go make sure o’ sumthin’.”

“That mum of hers, I hope?” she wonders aloud, turning her body towards me ever so slightly in her olive green scrubs.

A nod of mine answers her words and her ‘good luck’ rings in my ears as I walk away, glancing over my shoulder one last time at Becks, searching for a strength that I need. She’s never disappointed me when I look for it in her, whether it was years ago when she pulled me out of my shell, helped me through my granddad’s death, or just the other night when I found my way back to her and never left. This isn’t one of those dire times, but I know that she needs me to do this for her, no matter the absence of her question.

I’m uncertain if I’m surprised to see the strange figure standing in the family room, or the tension already electric in the air when I arrive. It only worsens when a few of them turn around to look at me, and the blame falls away instantly when Chuck and Robbie’s faces plummet at the sight of mine. It all wads into a ball and is thrown at her when the anger builds on hers.

“You need t’ leave,” I announce, a sniffle worming its way into my words. I couldn’t care less about the sight of my red-rimmed eyes or the tears that fall from them now. All I hope is that my many years in law will pay off for this argument that I so desperately need to win. “It wasn’t a good idea t’ come, she doesn’t want you here. I think that’s rather obvious from what jus’ happened.”

Her features crease into that of a bulldog, ready to pounce, but I was ready for this before I even stepped foot in this room. “What do you know, being her new boyfriend and all? You hardly even know her, I reckon . . She’s my daughter and she almost died,” she insists with a spiteful grin sticking to her lips.

“What’s that matta? Ya weren’t there fer her when she was alive, so why’d ya come now?” I spit out, and am instantly rewarded with the image of the words slapping her in the face. “I do know what’s bloody best fo’ her, and what’s best fo’ her right now ‘s fer you t’ leave and not come back. She doesn’t want you here, I dunno how many times I gotta fookin’ say it. She’s been thru’ hell and back, and ‘s tryna figure out what tha bloody hell this new life ‘s and how t’ function again whilst bein’ on several meds and stuck inna hospital bed. Let her bloody rest so she can get betta and heal, if ya even care ‘bout her ya’d leave her be t’ get betta,” I sigh, turning on my heel to place my back to them. Her fiery gaze beats against my neck as I let the tears fall, not bothering to clean them up, because I can only deal with one mess at a time.

“Who the fuck was that, and who does he think he is?” she retorts, seemingly more to herself and those around her than to myself, her voice only a ghost now.

“That’s Harry,” Chuck answers, something shining through in his voice that I can’t quite decipher.

“Harry? You mean her boss, Harry?” Kate responds, taken aback.

“No, right now that’s Harry. Her best friend and boyfriend, Harry,” he tells her, and I think I hear it finally, just rounding the corner. It accompanies the chuckle that floats down the hallway after me.

It’s pride.

The very same feeling glues itself to me as I take long steps back to her, thoroughly aware of how much better it feels to come back to her than it is to leave her. Even in her sleep, she seems to retain that feeling of hers amidst all of the drugs, because when I sit down next to her, I watch those pretty eyes open.

“Harry.”

“Hi, honeybug. Go back t’ sleep, everything’s okay, yer mum’s gone,” I tell her, cradling her cheek in my hand, because I’m sure that if my words somehow hadn’t done it, that Chuck will make sure of her exit.

“Okay,” she sighs softly, her eyelids fluttering closed. I lean over her and press whispers of kisses to her eyelids, leading me to find that dimple like a ghost in her left cheek. “Harry?”

“What ‘s it, bug? Ya need yer rest, ‘s almost bedtime,” I hum, settling back onto the chair. My eyes fall from her when a warmth finds my hand now, and I smile at the appearance of her hand lacing with mine.

“I love you,” she whispers, and everything stills around me, and inside of me. My head snaps up and over to her calm exterior that soon blurs in front of me as a breathy laugh coats my lips.

“I love you too, Becks,” I return quickly, tears adorning my words and leaving them to break in the air.

The dimple remains alive in her cheek when her eyes creak open and meet mine briefly before I steal a kiss from her lips. So, it wasn’t a fluke the other night, afterall. Hmm.

“Get some sleep, ‘ll be here when ya wake up,” I coo against her hair, cradling her head with my hand.

“You too,” she yawns, closing her eyes and wiggling around in the bed, and I swear that I couldn’t have seen something more beautiful in all of my days. She just keeps surprising me though, and making me wonder how she could ever become more gorgeous, or more importantly, how I could ever come to love her more.

I know that tomorrow she’ll change that, and the day after that, and after that, when my heart will grow another size to love her a little bit more.

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 6 years ago

Text

How I make book covers + tips for you!

Hey people of Earth!

Around this time last year, I mentioned I would have a video up on how I make book covers/cover making tips, and to summarize: I did not do the thing, and this year old script is still sitting in my drafts.

SO, I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone and post a written version of these tips! Going to get straight into this because I imagine this will be rather long!

This post will be divided into 6 parts: finding inspiration, concept art, incorporating elements of design, composition, tools and software, and resources. Feel free to skip around to whatever section interests you most!

***Before we get started, really quick disclaimer. I am in no way a professional cover designer. Cover design is merely something I picked up on my own, and I don’t have any formal education/credentials in graphic design. So of course take my advice with that in mind. These are also just my personal thoughts and opinions. So take everything with a grain of salt!

1. Finding Inspiration

What’s the deal?

A really great way to start out in design

Finding cover designs or designers you admire may help you see what works technically

Helps nail down a style you like

In turn, can help you find your cover design style

What should you do?

Look at covers in your genre!

Whenever I design a cover, I take a scroll through Goodreads to pick up some inspiration in designs I personally love

I also love walking around my bookstore and taking a look at physical copies

Find a cover design you like, and point out the specific reasons you like it

Example:

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl was actually not an inspo cover for this edition of I’M DISAPPOINTED, but as you can see, things I liked from it spilled over into my own design. By pointing out aspects of graphic design you like, you’ll better be able to understand your style as a cover artist.

Some personal thoughts:

I like covers that include a textured backgrounds, as seen in the collage below:

So for the I’M DISAPPOINTED cover above, I included a textured background. I also love handwritten fonts/lettering, which I include in almost all of my book covers.

What I did:

Off-white colour from A List of Cages and Holding Up The Universe

Silhouette from Painless and previous cover design of I’m Disappointed

Speech bubble from Simon VS the Homo Sapiens Agenda and Say What You Will

Marker texture from A List of Cages

Obviously my thought process wasn’t to put 4 covers in a blender and thus create my product, ha, this is just an example for the ease of understanding!

2. Concept art

What’s the deal?

Coming up with concept art is a super important part of designing a successful book cover.

Acts as the skeleton of your book cover

Your book cover’s roadmap

Saves time/effort

Similar to an outline for a novel.

Can be a very quick sketch, or full fledged design

I like keeping my concept art quick, but if this is your first cover, making a more detailed mockup can help.

What should you do?

Sketch out book cover ideas once you get them/take notes of concepts you’d like to explore

If you can’t come up with concepts, take a look at your inspiration folder and pull concepts/ideas from covers you love

This does not mean copying another book cover (this is notttt a good idea!). BUT, pulling inspiration from elements you like on a cover can be helpful in generating your own concepts

You don’t have to come up with concept art (sometimes winging it works!) but I do recommend jotting notes down, and drawing out loose sketches when applicable!

Keep a list of ideas for book covers as you accumulate them (almost like a little vault of concepts lol) and reference them in the future!

Take a look at as many book covers as you can and make a list of elements you like and don’t like

This is one of the easiest ways to accumulate ideas/concepts!

Example:

^^^ Concept art for two book covers

Likes and dislikes in book covers:

Of course this list is not my be all and end all (nor should it be), and obviously, I still use these things (besides clunky composition I hope!) in some designs!

3. Incorporating the elements of design

What’s the deal?

There are 7 elements of design: line, shape, texture, form, space, value, and colour.

These sometimes vary depending on where you look, but this is what I was taught, so I’m going to be working off that!

Examples:

I’m going to go through them really quickly via an assignment I did for my comm tech class

Keep in mind this assignment is 2 years old and is only meant to give you an idea of what these elements are

1. Line

Line is probably the most important element of design as every piece of art starts with one.

There are various types of lines. You can have curved lines, straight lines, vertical lines, horizontal lines and so on.

2. Shape

You can have more mathematical, geometric shapes, or more abstract, free form shapes.

3. Texture

Texture is the feel of a particular surface.

Texture in my opinion is one of the most important elements when it comes to graphic design, especially book covers.

My favourite thing to see in book covers is texture, whether that be paper textures like construction paper, crumpled paper, wallpaper, lace, wall textures, paint textures, or marker textures

Texture adds depth to designs, and if there’s any element of design you focus on in this post, I’d highly recommend it be this one.

(i’m biased but still)

4. Form

Form is almost like shape, except instead of flat objects, we’re dealing with 3-dimensional objects.

I don’t often use it in my covers since I like drawings and flat shapes in my designs, but if you want to include objects on your cover, or any sort of 3D shape, this would be form.

5. Space

The distance around an object, to put it simply

Space in covers can help emphasize what’s important, and what is less important, or can draw attention to a particular piece of your design.

Examples of space:

Colour coding: yellow = space, teal = focal point/movement of viewer’s eye

In Twilight, the black space helps emphasize the main image, the hands holding the apple.

This also occurs in the Red Queen book covers. The empty space around the crown draws attention immediately to the focal point

You can also lack space. In The Duff, the girl’s face is the only thing you can see on the cover.

6. Value

Is determined by how much light or dark is incorporated into design.

Example of value:

A great example of value in book covers is on Alexandra Bracken’s Passenger. As you can see, the green at the top fades down in a gradient as more white is added to the centre.

7. Colour

Light reflecting off objects

Can make certain elements of your design stand out

Why should you incorporate the elements of design into your designs?

Adds layers of depth to your work

Thus can take your cover-making skills to another level

Can help in producing ideas

4. Composition:

What’s the deal?

In my opinion, can make or break a design

Can mean clutter of things, OR too much or too little space between elements

Title placement

Composition is sometimes subjective from design to design

What you can do:

Pay close attention to detail and spacing

Look out for natural shapes in your design you can fit elements into

Watch the linked video from Mango Street (one of my favourite photography channels) on composition

While photography and design are two different things, the tips in this video can also be applied to various ideas in design such as headroom and leading lines

youtube

Examples:

*Before I get into this, I want to make it clear that these examples are exaggerations for the purpose of showing you good and bad composition. If you make these mistakes, that doesn’t mean your design is bad, and again, I’m no professional. This comes from what I believe could be considered bad composition, but trust your gut.

Example 1: Stick People

doesn’t effectively use space

no headroom for text

text is covering 200 element (looks very clunky)

text is cut off

No focal point

Can’t read the title

Textual elements are better spread out

Title is now focal point

Slightly imbalanced

200 element is distracting

Addition of stick figures balances out cover

Text follows natural shape of photograph

Removed 200 element makes cover look less clunky

Example 2: Sixteen Cents

Half the title is on a dark background

Lacks readability

Last name is cut off by window

Uninteresting composition (everything is on one line)

No movement

Title placement is better

Better readability

‘A novel’ fits under windowsill

Last name is smaller to avoid cutting it off

Still slightly boring

Uses free space of wall wisely

Title is easy to read

Text is shaped around photo elements

Gives the cover some movement

Example 3: Fostered

Title is covering the focal point (the girl)

Title doesn’t seem to be incorporated into the design

By moving title down, we’ve made space for the subject

Title placement makes cover look less clunky

Same composition as prior but image is colour-graded

Embossed title adds texture/depth

I’ve mentioned this a few times in this post: focal point. What is it?

FOCAL POINT:

Is defined as the main attraction of your book cover

This is where you want your readers’ eyes to focus

Focal points can sometimes define themselves in areas where more contrast happens to be

Doesn’t have to be the centre of the page.

Keep focal point in mind for composition because if you put it in the wrong spot, you could end up drawing your readers’ attention to the wrong area of the cover.

The point of most interest in a cover is the focal point, so if you want a particular subject of your book cover, such as a person, to stand out make sure you don’t make the other areas of the cover too high contrast or busy.

Framing subjects also helps, so be creative!

The human eye tends to focus on areas with increased contrast so keep this in mind

Examples:

The Host

The camera has focused on the eye of the model, with the nose bridge and forehead shadowing each corner of the cover

Helps lead eye to focal point (the eye)

The Girls

Blue around the edges encircles the focal point (the girl), leading the viewer’s eye directly to her

Girl is also scarlet in colour, contrasting the background

The Hunger Games

Grey outlines on the cover lead straight to the mockingjay

Mockingjay is bright gold in comparison to the black background

Creates contrast, thus viewer’s eye is lead there

The Female of the Species

‘Straight’ composition

No particular focal point, viewer’s eye instead moves horizontally across the design

What should you do?

Use the natural shapes and outlines in your design/photo to fill your cover

Use your space wisely (see examples above)

Use leading lines to draw attention to your focal point

Manipulate text to fill empty spaces

5. Tools and software

You do not need Photoshop to make a good book cover

I made my first book covers in GIMP, a free image manipulation program (kinda like Photoshop’s little brother)

This is the stick people cover I made in photoshop, and the same cover made in GIMP.

Other tools you may want to use are CreateSpace’s cover templates.

You can find these through CreateSpace OR Bookow (my personal fave)

OPTIONAL (what I use):

Graphics tablet

I use the Huion H610 which I really enjoy!

I use this to hand letter, draw silhouettes, create concept art, and so on

Paper and my Faber Castell India Ink Artist Pens.

These are fine tip markers, and are what I used to create the text on I’m Disappointed

Thin sharpies and pens will also do the job, and you can always clean any mistakes up in photoshop or gimp.

A scanner so I can transfer what I’ve hand drawn onto my computer

If you don’t have a scanner you can take a clear photograph on a camera or phone

I also use a few custom marker brushes that now come with the 2018 version of Photoshop

The main one I use is Kyle’s AM - Watercolour Paper from the art markers set (you have to load these into Photoshop, but if you have PS 2018, you should have access to ‘em).

(I’ve lettered everything in this post with that brush)

6. Resources

Here’s a list of amazing resources you might need when making your own book covers!

1. Stock image websites

Check out THIS post for a master list of my favourite stock photo websites!

Stocksnap.io

Unsplash.com

Pixabay.com

2. Dafont

Is my main source for finding fonts

3. Goodreads

A huge resource I use to find cover inspiration

I’ll often browse the new releases section to look at new covers and so on

Easy way to narrow down the genre of cover you’re looking for, as well as the age category

4. Keyboard shortcuts

Check out a masterlist for Photoshop HERE

GIMP masterlist HERE

Makes workflow super efficient

My fave I highly recommend in Photoshop is ctrl > shift > alt > e (merge all layers into new layer)

I’ve made TWO custom shortcuts: ctrl > shift > o is now open as layer, and ctrl > shift > alt > r is now rasterize layer (these save so much time!)

So to conclude this post, I’m going to list out some of my favourite tips when it comes to cover making (sort of a reiteration of this post)

Add texture!

Texture is a super easy way to add dimension to your book cover

Try lettering with a paper and marker when starting out

I find this a lot easier than digital lettering!

Google is your friendddd

If you can’t figure out how to do something in Photoshop or GIMP, the internet is a vast depository of information!

Pay attention to detail

Cover design is alllll about the small details. Making sure you’ve centred something properly can seriously help in making your cover go from amateur to whoaaa who made thatttt

Get a second opinion

Been looking at your screen for 8 hours straight? Ask someone you know what they think of your design! I find this has sparked a lot of secondhand ideas!

If it doesn't work out, doesn't mean it was a fail

If a particular concept just doesn’t work, don’t worry! As you practice you’ll get better, and you can always revisit the concept for another novel!

EDIT: a really great suggestion from @sarahkelsiwrites: print out your design if you need a fresh perspective! You’d be surprised by what you notice on screen VS off!

So that’s it for this post! I hope this was helpful for some of you guys, I know it was looooong overdue. If it helped you out, let me know, and if you have any questions, feel free to send ‘em my way! :))

--Rachel

#writing #writerblr #amwriting #art

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