#i literally... have a tumblr that's on queue forever since high school

[apidraws]

Tumblr was the very first place where I became aware of asexual awareness week. That we even had a pride or an awareness week. And when we got our official day this year, I was overwhelmed that asexuality was starting to officially be recognized-- as, when I was younger, it simply wasn’t as accessible. It felt hidden, and misunderstood, and hard to explain. I worked really hard to finish my comic during this week this year, as celebration, and of course, awareness. I’ve compiled my full book about a sliver of what it was like to grow up asexual, and, well, to convey the message that we are enough and equal and not lacking at all. You can find more about it on my Kickstarter, and it would mean a lot to me if you checked it out!

[zmediaoutlet]

tagged by my good buddy @doilycoffin and uhh some number of other people to do the little tumblr survey game thing, and eve you are an absolute hero for including the clean copy at the end, thank you --

1. why did you choose your url?

I am Z and this is my Media Outlet. Although originally twitter was.

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

Absolutely not, I can barely keep this one running. Also, I can’t imagine curating that much. People can handle seeing a Hannibal post instead of a Spn post, and if they can’t -- man, good luck to them.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

I actually saw a thing from tumblrmemories today that reminded me that this post even existed, and so I can answer: apparently, I joined this tumblr place at 04/05/2012  3:26:41 PM. I have zero memory of the moment, lol.

4. do you have a queue tag?

I do not, but that’s because everything I post is queued. Y’all don’t know when I’m on here, I am mysterious. ...I am not, it’s just that I don’t like clogging people’s dashboards. So I queue for like an hour and then bounce.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

...I don’t remember! I guess because lj was collapsing like a flan in a cupboard, and there wasn’t anywhere particularly relevant to go when you were looking for fandom content. But I don’t remember what fandom it was, back then! That was a few months before I started watching spn.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

(i keep seeing pfp and all I can read there is pirst ferson pooter.) My icon is just... my little happy man! He’s so happy, look at him. <3  And I think he’s been the icon since April 5, 2012. Y’all who can like change your icons and whatnot are impressive to me. And confusing. Both of those.

7. why did you choose your header?

...I don’t think I have a header. Do I? Now I’m feeling very losttravolta.gif.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

uhh I think it might be that dumb ficlet I wrote where Dean gets turned into the teeniest of dragons and is trying to hoard Sam’s junk.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

literally no idea how to find this out

10. how many followers do you have?

just under 1400, a bunch of whom are probably dead accounts or noninteractive, which I guess isn’t much to show for almost ten years, is it. Should’ve learned to make gifs.

11. how many people do you follow?

just under 300, a much of whom are probably dead accounts or noninteractive, lol.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

I don’t think so. I don’t have the shitpost energy!

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

um, <1 hour on average. Some days I don’t come on at all, some days the scroll goes on a little longer.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

I have never intentionally started a fight with any blog, but a few people have gotten GROSSLY OFFENDED by posts I’ve made and tried to fight with me. My reaction, like a somnolent bear, is to be confused and wonder why someone’s making such a big fuss. I guess they won, since I blocked them and/or they blocked me, and they got to feel superior because they��d shown me what’s what. And they also won because I still think about it with bewildered annoyance years later, lol. Why did you turn into such a bitch over a headcanon post? Oh well, I’ll mildly hate them forever.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

They’re grossly stupid.

16. do you like tag games?

I do! Look at me doing one. It’s very high school, very sitting around past midnight on a sleepover.

17. do you like ask games?

I do! Same answer.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

uh, none? How does one even measure such a thing.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

absolutely not, oh my. EDIT: WAIT yes why not I have a big somnolent bear crush on doilycoffin. Let me woo your Texas heart or whatever, you goth grandma you! <3, >3.

20. tags?

idk who of y’all is doing what. These questions kinda got less interesting as they went down, haha, but I’ll toss out some tags anyway, uh -- @themegalosaurus, @alaynestone, @stripperlecki, @wetsammywinchester, @watermelonlipstick, @peach-coke, aaaand we’ll call that good.

[sunflowerhoney]

I was tagged by the lovely @strawbabie-honey, thank you!! <3

1. Why did you choose your url?

Honestly I just really wanted to have something with Mildolyn in it and for some reason love just came to mind, I guess because I love Mildolyn 🥰

2. Any side blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

I have my NSFW account @blushingbabybee!

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

Oh gosh forever haha I think I originally joined in 2010, I’m pretty sure I was a sophomore in high school, I’ve only been on this blog since I think October 2020 though.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

I don’t actually! I tend to just post whenever I feel like it lol

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

A coworker told me about Ratched and when I watched it I became obsessed with Mildolyn like right away 😅 I really just wanted to gush about this amazing ship with people, I messaged a few people on anon and everyone seemed so nice that I decided to make my own blog and now here I am! :)

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Partly because Gwendolyn is my favorite character literally ever and also because someone and I decided we wanted to have matching pictures!!💞 And since their favorite is Mildred and mine is Gwen, it worked out perfectly! 😊💞

7. Why did you choose your header?

Peaches in honor of Mildred!!! 😂

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

Good question, I think it might be one where I asked people what their favorite Mildolyn scenes are, a lot of people reblogged it and added so many amazing scenes/gifs🥰

9. How many mutuals do you have?

I’m not sure of the exact number but I appreciate every single one of you, you guys are literally the best!

10. How many followers do you have?

209

11. How many people do you follow?

278

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

I’m not 100% sure what qualifies but probably lol

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

I tend to check it sporadically on my phone throughout the day whenever I have a chance!

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

Nope, I don’t really like arguing so I’d rather just not engage with someone if I think it could lead to something like that

15. How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

I honestly find them stressful, especially ones that are like “if you don’t reblog this something bad will happen”, posts like that mess with my anxiety

16. Do you like tag games?

Yes they’re so fun and its nice to get tagged in them and get to learn things about mutuals/people you follow!

17. Do you like ask games?

I do! I love answering asks and also sending asks to people as well and getting to hear their answers to different questions

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

A few people I follow that get a lot of interaction/messages

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Yes most definitely 👀🍓

Tags: I’m super late to post this so I think everyone did this one already but I’ll tag a few people, I’m sorry if you guys did this already!!

@blanca-diablo-eternally-endgame, @an-infinity-of-possibilities, @are-rainbows-made-of-atoms

[kuriboo]

(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞  i was tagged by @namine-draws !! thanks for the tag! i haven’t done these in forever, lol,,,, but for once mobile notifications actually told me i was mentioned in a post, thanks mobile

Name: uhhhhh......i’m never divulging my full name on here, but Sam is a common nickname, and on the internet i’ve been known as Tater since i was on deviantart in middle school lmao

Nickname: call me whatever you want

Star sign: Aries

Height: probably like 5′6″??

Sexual orientation: panromantic ace

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor, apparently, though i’d think ravenclaw or hufflepuff is more fitting but okay you can interpret me that way i guess

Favorite color: light blue, i’m also a fan of silver but not quite so much

Favorite animal: i can’t.......choose one.........so like, i guess we’ll go with dogs, cats, and rabbits? and owls i guess. i want to say foxes (arctic foxes specifically) but i don’t know nearly as much about them. dogs are still kind of an iffy subject with me, and i only like to talk about them on my own terms, but it’s not out of any...malice, just....i’m still sad i guess.

Average hours of sleep: as much as i’d love to get like maybe 6 every day, i don’t sleep well and it’s out of my control, if i wake myself up i just fall back asleep, so....between 10 and 12

Number of blankets: depends on the place and the time. when it’s really cold, like, four or five. right now i’m doing three with air conditioning. when i’m at school and it’s this hot, usually just one, a sheet.

Favorite singer/band: i don’t have a favorite, but, uh, hmm.....he’s not a singer nor a band, but koji kondo is good. i do like some of taylor swift’s older stuff...i unironically like nickelback. coheed and cambria, simple plan, green day...there’s some names i guess, that’ll do

Dream trip: .........the dream trip is the trip itself. i don’t know where i’d want to go, i’d just want to go. i’ve been on one vacation in my whole life, lmao, went to disney world in second grade and that’s it. we’re too fucking poor for shit like that lmao, so like, i’d be happy with anything.

Dream job: .......i have no idea on that either. i mean, i’m pursuing a degree and everything, i’m halfway there, but like......i don’t know? i was gonna go for music, but i got sick and then a  lot of things changed lol. i’m doing computer science now because i just like, like computers? and it hasn’t gone super badly yet. i just literally have no idea what i want to do, and i never have. shrugs. i dunno. making video games would be fun or like making music for video games? the only big ideal i can think of is being a game tester or like, a twitch streamer or something, but those’ll never happen.

Current followers: uh, like, 557? quite a few of them are bots though and as long as the bots aren’t nsfw i don’t care that they’re there. artificially inflate my follower count, see if i care lol

What made you create your tumblr?: uh, my brothers had it and it looked cool i guess? for a couple of years, i only got on to maintain a queue, though....i think the blog was mostly harry potter back then, along with your assorted shitposts and shit, though it was nightblogging back then. the good old days of 2012. i got on more my senior year of high school; i had mono, this website is something mindless to do, deviantart required way too much thinking and i needed mindless things to do, i was exhausted and bored. ended up finding a crack rp group for kingdom hearts, joined, and i was on here more often bc of it. now im just.....tired and easily drawn to this place, if for no other reason than to just like, talk about how things are and shit, keep a record of shit

[mbrl]

a giant update!

 posted first here bc yolo

roadmap-

the stuff i bought from forever 21 today c:

other stuff i did today!

closing the chapter to january (the worst month i’ve had to deal with for awhile?)

things i look forward to in the future: march, april, may, summer.

oh my god i got really cute things from forever 21!! finally ordered a white/light grey windbreaker with swordfish pattern all over it for $20. also got white dolphin shorts (like dolphin style, not literal dolphins) with rainbow stripes on the side. and a dark-ish pink/blush off the shoulder dress with ties on the arm.. it’s kind of weird but was on sale for valentines day & idk how off the shoulder styles look on me... we’ll see ig! it’s really cute and flowy. and another dress, but maroon and long sleeve and floral, kind of in a baby doll fit. it’s lowkey mockneck so the reviews are like help i can’t fit my head through but .. hopefully it fits! there’s some really small lace parts on the sleeve :). and a white flowy vneck top with a bunch of pink flowers on it and a tie in the front. bell-ish sleeves with lace on the upper shoulders and parts of the back! oo and a light weight grey hoodie with kinda cheesy but still cool cool-toned floral embroidery on the hood. it’s p unique but the quality probably sucks and isn’t soft. lastly a peach mid-maxi skirt that has some sheer parts for the bottom half!! it’s like those ballet rehearsal skirts style. 

okay clearly i really like dresses and i think i’m going to start wearing more pink/color because i’m totally over winter in general and how drab that season is. honestly just light warm colors that kind of are reminiscent of furniture fabric/granny aesthetic is totally my vibe. like i want to look like i don’t give a fuck, but not in an emo way but more in a.... idk. i actually don’t know how to explicate my vibe but its like laid back and californian and whatever. hypebeast/grandma/passionate napper/hiker/couch appearance :) also i’m really happy to just sorta word dump and get my thoughts out again because they’re finally good vibes and i feel super excited to share it with my ... laptop screen & whoever’s reading! like getting outta funks is so nice and lowkey reminiscent of a few months ago when i finally got over this stupid boy

anyway okay. today i woke up at 9-10ish because i slept at 3am yesterday :( i felt really weird (ig you can describe as anxious) because of something i did, and i tried to do that thing where i imagined trump spouting all the self hate/angsty vibes i was telling myself, but i didn’t really purge the angst all that much. also i had taken a nap after school + drank boba the day before... (and 2 days before then i slept at 2 bc i had half a cup of green tea in the evening...) also i got angry at myself that i couldn’t sleep because it’s just annoying. it’s 12 am right now and i didn’t take any naps today but i’ll definitely be content & ready to sleep after i right this. so after i woke up, i spent like a few hours cleaning out my room-- i fixed the organization of my desk drawers so it could be more efficient and less cluttered. also the night before when i couldn’t sleep, i hung up all my clothes so that was nice. then in the early afternoon, i finished math hw (literally had 2 problems left, one of which i didn’t know how to do....) and did some japan bowl studying! i also started chatting hella people to ask for interest regarding a possible speaker event that intersections (my social justice club) is hosting... it’s about asian american health disparities, so i got 9 total clubs interested??? now i gotta email the presenter to update them but i’ll do that tomorrow. then from 3-5pm i had a really fun japan bowl meeting that was super untoxic and just productive. this year we have less frequent meetings, but i think we spend the biweekly meetings with... healthier vibes. it’s a lot more fun, and honestly no amount of shame expedites self-studying better than just having a safe and nice environment. we did some practice rounds & i knew the answers to some questions!!! it was fun. i’ll definitely be studying more ahahah this week’s meeting was kind of a throw away but it was good bonding? we also did reading practice.

then i went on tumblr/online shopped/youtubed for 2 hours or smtg..then finished bio hw (3 sections of notes!!!!) while watching gaming streams after eating dinner. then chilled and took a shower, went on tumblr some more, and here i am now! i feel like i didn’t do much but whatever. it’s okay to be leisurely and like.. i just have a worksheet for aplac and a few emails to write tmrw, and i guess that’s it? chill weekend.

okay queue the giant cbt paragraphs:

january was a giant mess mainly because of tasp application... it’s hard for me to take the experiences that i know are invaluable in building my character, and trying to relay that in a effective, understandable way. it made me feel secure because it was almost like i was selling myself/commodifying my experiences, but i was doing it in the course of a 3-4 weeks. it was annoying when i got the diction and syntax just how i wanted it, only for my editor to be like no this is weird. it’s weird to have someone who doesn’t know you try to word your experiences and push you into a template. thank god said editor actually got fired and isn’t my college counselor-- now i have this really tall and goofy friendly white guy (who majored in sociology so you can imagine he’s not the typical yt).

another thing was just friend stuff, but not in a way that points a finger specifically to anyone, it’s just... junior year will literally suck the life out of people and push them to extremes. for me, when i needed support from my friends, it’s not like i could receive it-- partly this is just normal though because normally i don’t confide in them anyway because my life is pretty easy anyway. most of the time/100% of the time i’m initiating the how-are-you type thing and listening to rants and giving advice or playing devil’s advocate or trying to empathize and validate. and when i needed someone to do that for me, i didn’t know how to ask for it? and my friends wouldn’t have the capacity to care for me bc i don’t think they actually know the background of my problems that well. i mean only i really know that and that’s fine bc it’s not really practical for other people to take the time to (1) understand and, (2) care... also it’s not worth it to me to expend the emotional labor explaining to someone. so this really isn’t to sound self sacrificing, it’s just that i consciously don’t expect my friends to be my therapist, but since i have amateur skills & pretty decent emotional intelligence, i’m glad to take that role for my friends. this just blows up in my face every once in awhile when my own problems resurface or smtg and i just turn inward and whatever. thank god it’s over!!! that was basically my january.

someone i kinda know also had something really egregious happen to them. and i can’t talk about it bc i’m making this post public bc i want a record of this on my studyblr blog. anyway i was alone in helping this person with the egregious thing because it’s not the kind of thing i can share (it’s not my story) and also sharing the information can force people to do things that ... wouldn’t be favorable. the stress from that time made me really upset for a few days and i was so angry that the egregious thing even happened, and i’m definitely not the person to get angry.

also had to get my physical for track from this gross pervert of a doctor who uses a stethoscope to touch breasts :\ and i felt really disgusting and gross and it happened and just yuck so cringe ijaijsf don’t wnat to talk about it

ugh okay another thing that i recently came to realize is that fat is really underrated in attractiveness because flab plausibly makes for super comfortable cuddling? basically other than in the context of a fatphobic society (and this isn’t to thin shame), there’s nothing definitively more beautiful about sharp angles or hard muscles compared to soft curves? someone i sit next to in a class wears hoodies and sweatpants almost everyday and they just look like a pillow/perfect big spoon. okay but at the same time food angst and body image stuff is lowkey resurfacing, but in a really lowkey way against myself :(. part of the reason why i got angry last night at myself was because i didn’t like how i drank boba at such a late time, and how i was basically on a sugar high at 2am. so i’m trying to limit my processed food intake as a means of control. i’m pretty safe from relapsing into fullblown AN but a lot of shame associated with certain foods is still there. also i still dislike my thighs and back flab and i didn’t run hard enough to be ready for track and i feel really out of shape :(

a few days ago i went volunteering and was utterly exhausted and not in the mood of being understanding. i don’t think i was being impatient, but i was being more curt than usual when working with somebody. i was really annoyed and dwelling on my irritation and letting it consume me. on the car ride home, i was thinking through all the reasons why i could be so pissy, so i had to think through all this angst and grossness in january. i was always hoping that i was just pmsing when i was feeling especially down during that month, but i think the stress made me skip that month :\ so idk where my period or pms went but goddamn ig i was just especially moody that month if hormones can’t explain it lol

during january, intersections was passed and that was such a big victory. but i didn’t really care about it. i honestly didn’t even want to do anything for it or hope that i’d go well. part of insecurity for me is that i doubt myself so much (sUBCONSCIOUSLY, which is especially annoying bc idk what i actually feel half the time) that i get frustrated easily.

but the stress of the summer app and distancing myself from the stressful things has allowed me to recover, and i’m really happy and my normal self (which i’m really happy about!!!) i’ve literally been writing for 40 min so i’m going to start doing lists for the remaining stuff i said i’d write about

things i look forward to!

feb: planning for intersections, week of break = cramming for jbowl, light school work load

march: starting my club, leadership conference i’m part of, almost time for jbowl

april: jbowl!, spring break, api healthcare disparities presentation?

may: giant speaker event with an alumnus possibly?

summer: lead a free program for low income students around where i live? there’s a lotta red tape and logistics that come with this one though... will be thinking about it for a long time.

okay i’m sleepy bye