#i literally watched httyd last month and now here i go again

[jackshiccup]

i never noticed until now but in httyd 1, the scene where we hear hiccup address the other kids by their name for the first time (specifically snotlout and fishlegs) he yells, ‘lout, legs, hang in its blind spot!’ and i just think it’s so interesting that it’s the only time we’ve ever heard hiccup call them that

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #314

“as above, so below  /  what you reap is what you sow  /  what you give comes back threefold  /  as above, so below”

What do you do for work? I'm currently unemployed. I only get paid now and again to do pictures for people. What would you ideally like to do for work? I'd love if I could just be a photographer. What are you doing in order to achieve this? Practice and shoving my extreme discomfort about it aside and trying to promote myself where possible and not in an overbearing manner. What do you think is the worst being on the planet? "Rapists, pedophiles, abusive people in general." <<<< This. Anyone who disrespects the existence of other and equal people. Have you ever been arrested? If so, what for? No. How big an age gap is between you and your siblings? My immediate sisters and I are two years apart. My half-siblings, I don't know. I don't have their ages memorized, but I do know 5+ years, some even 10. Do/did your siblings cause trouble? Not really, we were good kids. What's your dream vehicle? I don't really have one. Are you good at taking care of your finances? What finances? And I don't mean that happily. What's your favorite comic strip? I don't have one. How many people have you texted today? Zero. Someone cheats. Second chance? Nope, byyyyeeeee. Thoughts on kids? Clay that I'm not playing with. Are you a risk taker? No. What are you listening to? I'm currently going through a phase of playing The Evil Within 2's theme nonstop, jc. Is/Was your high schools dress code strict? Not like, mega strict, but it still was overboard. No spaghetti strap shirts, and I even once got in trouble for wearing a floral mesh shirt, despite having a normal tanktop underneath it. It was weird, like no one had ever had a problem with it before, it was just this one teacher that I passed in the hall. Who was the last person to request you on a social media network - and did you accept? Someone I didn't know, so obviously not. Who was the last person’s vehicle that you rode in? Mom's. Who was the last person to make you laugh or smile, and why? Another current obsession of mine: John Wolfe, another let's player who I think is super funny. He said something that made me snicker before I turned on music and started this. Who was the last person that you took a photo with? My half-sister while she was visiting. Who was the last person to pay you a compliment, and what did they say? In group therapy the other day, one of the other women told me that even if I don't believe it, I bring so much positivity to group and she was really happy to be there while I am. I was so so super flustered but flattered, too. Who’s the last person that you visited in the hospital? My mom, following her surgery. Who is the last person that you lent money to? Actually today to Mom. What was the last food that you ate? I warmed up a burger for dinner. What did the last pair of footwear that you wore look like? They're just black flipflops. What was the last kind of bread that you ate? Just plain white bread. What was the last app that you downloaded to your phone? Oh wow, I never do this. I want to say it was a game for my niece. When was your last work shift? I haven't worked in a long time, so idk. When is the last time that you had trouble falling asleep? This is literally every single night. When was the last time you saw a significant other? I ain't got one'a those. When’s the last time that you took a risk? What was the risk? Well, I did say I'm not a risk-taker... Where was the last place that you went on vacation to? You know, how long does it have to be to be considered a "vacation?" I would say not since I went to the beach with an old friend, but it was literally a day. Where was the last place you got lost? uhhhhhhh Why did your last relationship fail? We need to work on ourselves before we could properly support each other and stay in a healthy mindset. Why did you leave your last job? I couldn't handle the stress of serving people and having so many responsibilities at once. How long has it been since you last visited a doctor? How about a dentist? I literally went to the doctor today because I had a follow-up appointment about my weight gain again. I haven't been to the dentist in a few months; I had a normal cleaning my last visit. How big was the last fish you caught? Oh boy, this is stretching years back. It was probably something small, idr at all. Give me the first initial of your last name? D. Something in your home that’s on its last leg(s)? We just moved here, so nothing that's a part of the house itself. As far as items we actually own, idk. Where do you purchase most of your clothes? I haven't gotten new clothes in so long, idk. I would probably say Hot Topic. Describe your skincare routine. I don't have one, if I'm being honest. I just shower. What’s your typical morning routine look like? I don't have one of those, either. The only thing that's consistent is going to the bathroom, eating, and taking my meds. Even brushing my teeth, the time of day when I do that (if I'm not leaving the house) varies. Then it's time to just binge stuff on YouTube and do whatever on the laptop... Are you still playing Animal Crossing? I've never played it, actually. How has the pandemic specifically affected you? It's caused a lot of stress worrying about my mom falling ill, given her being immunocompromised. It's also held me back from searching for another job (even though I don't know what I'd go for, anyway...), because I absolutely refuse to risk bringing Covid into this house by leaving it daily or whatever. What is your main source of anxiety? Being mentally ill, really. It just affects a lot. Any bands or artists you’ve recently discovered? Not very recently, no. What kind of games do you play on your phone? Just Pokemon GO nowadays. Do you have a specific aesthetic? It varies. I love dark, gothic, and gory stuff, but then I also love everything pink and pastel?????? Pastel gore is especially where it's at. Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not. What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never even tried it before. What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't wear nearly enough makeup to be even remotely familiar with any. What’s your all-time favorite movie? It'll probably always be The Lion King. Do you have any subscription boxes? No, but they're cool. What fictional creature would you like as a pet? On deviantART today I actually discovered a fantastic artist who does a lot of HTTYD fanart, and I would say as a dragon lover, Toothless would be soooo great. Have any local businesses closed that you’re sad about? I'm certain tons have closed, but none come to mind. How do you feel about TikTok? I don't feel anything about it. Did you/do you still have a Neopets account? Haha I've had like... two or three at different stages in my life. What were you doing at 9 o'clock this morning? That's actually when (virtual) group therapy starts. Are you wearing any jewelry? Yeah; my piercings (if you count them) and then two rings that I always have on. Are you good at hiding disappointment? No. I'm bad at hiding my emotions because they're so strong. What happened the last time you cried? lmaooo I was finishing watching a The Evil Within 2 LP yesterday, and like, the last hour or so of the game just rips me apart. I was hoping so bad that my mom didn't pass by and ask what the problem was. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? Both would be stunned to know the situation I had with Joel/my former best friend's boyfriend when I was around 12. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on? dARKIPLIER Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world? When all things are considered, like laws, seeing family, etc., somewhere in Canada, or maybe Alaska. Actually, Alaska would be really cool. What after school activities did you do in high school? I didn't have any, if you mean like, school sports and clubs. I did do dance once or twice a week, but it wasn't tied to my school. What’s the last book you really loved? I positively adored The Handmaid's Tale. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? My writing was seen as very exceptional for my age as a kid, but it still would've been awesome if it was even better. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Uhhh I guess ketchup. I use that the most of all options. What is the scariest experience you have ever had? The night of the breakup. It was such an impossible concept to me that I genuinely thought my life was over, that I'd pull the plug at any moment. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office? Oh, hunny, Markiplier lmao. Call it a bias all ya want, but he's just a genuinely incredible person that cares so much for everyone and is so serious about equality and just being a good person. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? It's very hypocritical of me to say, but yes, regardless. Do you own plants? If so, what kind of plants? If not, would you like to grow any? I've never been into growing plants, honestly. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No, not really. When was the last time that you acted impulsively? Is this a common behavior for you? I dunno, I've gotten better at this. I probably said something I shouldn't have. If you received an allowance as a kid, what kinds of things would you buy with it? Were you more the type to save up for something big, or spend it on little things? I didn't get one. When you cuddle with someone, how do you prefer to position yourself? Would you rather be held, or do the holding? Or both? Are we sitting or lying down? Either way I think I have a tendency to lay my head on their chest while hugging them, and my legs generally curl up. If I'm upset, I definitely feel better and just a greater sense of safety if I'm the one being held, but if the roles are swapped, then I like to be the one doing the holding because I know that's what I want when I'm upset, so treat others how you wanna be treated, y'know. When you woke up today, did you find unread messages from anyone? No. Have you recently told anyone that you miss them? Yes. Can you recall the last time you turned down an offer, of any kind? Mom asked if I wanted to come with her to Ashley's a few days ago, but I said no. I wasn't in a social mood at all. Is there anyone you interact with every day on social media? No. What was the main character's name in the last fictional book you read? Sunny. Have you ever been rejected by a church? No. Is your family nice to you? Yeah. Are you comfortable with your gender? Yeah. What was your favorite Mary-Kate and Ashley film? I don't remember; we had a couple, though. What was your favorite book you had to read for school? The Outsiders. What was your favorite Nickelodeon show? ngl, I don't remember a lot of them and don't feel like looking up a list. Do you still live in the house you grew up in? No. Which Spice Girl was your favorite? I don't remember their names. Do you think you look the best you've ever looked? Oh hell no. Have you been hurt by religion? Yes, honestly. In Truth or Dare, would you rather choose Truth or Dare? I always choose "truth." Have you ever had more than one crush at once? Yeah, I think that's perfectly normal to feel, even for someone monogamous like myself. Just when you establish a relationship, then it's time to make a choice. What social issue do you care about most? This is hard to say with how passionately I hold my opinions, but probably LGBTQ+ rights. It's just... so disgusting to me that I was once homophobic. It's like I want to make up for it. Just the idea of being repulsed by love just because someone has "the wrong thing" in their pants is just... appalling. When was the last time you read a Bible? Many, maaaany years ago I started reading it, but I didn't get very far at all. Do you own a Bible? I personally don't, but I know Mom has one, maybe multiple. Do you discover new music regularly? No; I very much stick to what I know. It's great when I do, though, given that that's how I find new songs to repeat to the grave. What does your first name mean? "Of Britain" or something like that. What country do you live in? U.S.A. Do you believe that gays are born that way? Uh, yes? Who honestly believes a homosexual would *choose* to be in the discriminated minority? People are murdered and abused for simply their sexuality; no sane person would "choose" to risk that torture.

[shipmistress9]

Undine - 11

Fandom: HTTYD

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Hicret/Hicretstrid

Modern AU. Kinda-Mermaid AU.

FF-net   AO3

. o O o .

AN: Woohooow, a new chapter! Only took over three months to get it done... And that's with me having been SO eager for this chapter! There's a picture in this chapter, and I drew this over half a year ago! And since then, it's been waiting for this moment. xD

. o O o .

Wide.

Wide and beautiful.

That was all he could think about as he gazed out over the ocean. So magnificent and alluring, as if it would hug him and keep him warm as soon as he stepped into the water. The longing was overwhelming, and he couldn't quite figure out why he wasn't doing those last steps, why he stayed where he was.

So wide...

So beautiful...

So tempting...

"Hey, love. Did you zone out again?"

Eret flinched and, blinking to clear his mind of the foggy sensation that always followed one of these episodes, gazed at Hiccup and his godsdamned smirk next to him.

"Uh," he grunted, shaking his head after Hiccup had stretched to give him a light kiss in greeting. "You're back?"

Chuckling, Hiccup nodded. "Yeah. I'm sorry, talking to that one customer took a little longer than planned. But I still got all the shopping done; we should be good for a week or so now."

Eret nodded, silently accepting the fact that he must have lost hours again. Hadn't Hiccup left only minutes ago? Once back in their kitchen, he sat down and watched quietly as his boyfriend prepared dinner for them both, steak and a fresh salad to go with it.

"So, did you find out anything new?" Hiccup asked after they'd both eaten up, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied smile.

Eret shook his head. "No, not really. I... well, I didn't have time. I think I didn’t even get to sit down and open my notes this time." This was so frustrating. So many hours of possible working time – all lost.

"Well, I’m glad you’re taking the Undine serious now,“ Hiccup went on, carefree and relaxed. “But after she apparently enchanted you again today, I’d say there's at least one thing we can be absolutely sure of." 

Eret cocked his head, even though he could already guess where Hiccup was going with this.

"She really is no threat to us."

Eret nodded, though reluctantly. It seemed as if Hiccup was right. Glancing at the picture Hiccup had drawn and that stood in a corner of the room, he tried to sum it all up for himself.

It was two weeks now since he and Hiccup had both seen the Undine. They hadn't spotted her again since then, but the fact that they'd both seen the same face was proof enough. But proof enough of what? 

That she was real? Probably. 

But did that also mean that she didn't mean to harm them? Maybe Hiccup was right and she really posed no threat. But what did that mean for them? Of course, they could just go on like before, happy with the knowledge that a literal living legend resided in the ocean next to their home.

But how bizarre that fact alone was aside, all these episodes of one of them getting drawn to the ocean and basically becoming unconscious for hours... they bothered Eret. Yeah, nothing bad had ever happened. Yet. But they were disturbing nonetheless – because they were getting more frequent! Lately, barely a day passed without one of them ending up outside and gazing at the ocean as if it was all that mattered. And Eret just wasn't sure what to think about that.

Because, surely, those were connected to the Undine, right? They had to be, even though he couldn’t say why or how. It felt like too much of a coincidence that there could be two unexplainable phenomena at work here. And wasn’t it part of the legends about undines, mermaids, and the like that they were able to lure humans into the water and into their death? It wasn’t that he really feared this creature wanted to harm them… But he couldn’t entirely accept her being harmless either. 

“Maybe you’re right,” he evaded giving Hiccup a direct and possibly controversial answer. They’d discussed it often enough lately, and without any further proof of any sort, their different opinions on this matter wouldn’t change. They agreed to disagree, and that was enough for now. 

“Still, I’d like to go through my notes again tonight, since I didn’t get the chance to do so earlier. Look up all the legends that mention sirens luring people in with their song and such.”

Hiccup shook his head at that, but chuckled and smiled fondly. “If that’s what you have to do to find your peace of mind…”

. o O o .

For a while, Hiccup simply watched Eret as he stared at his screen, ruffled through pages in his books, and typed some new notes into one of his documents. He was adorable like this, biting his lip and with this tiny crease between his eyes when he was entirely focused on his work like this. And the fact that he was taking the Undine and her existence more serious now wasn’t exactly off-putting either.

And it wasn’t as if Hiccup didn’t understand why Eret insisted on gathering as much information as possible. Odin, he wasn’t much better if he thought about it. It was just that Hiccup didn’t believe some old legends, myths, or fairy tales could really tell them what all this was about. Mrs Ingerman might be their best option, but with how vigorously she’d been in her bad opinion about the Undine, Hiccup didn’t feel like bringing her up as a source of information. He couldn’t say why, but he just knew that the Undine wasn’t here to harm them. 

If only they’d seen her again, maybe even had gotten the chance to interact with her. That would certainly have taught them more about her and her motives. But she hadn’t shown herself to them again, no matter how determinedly they’d looked, and by now, Hiccup wasn’t putting much hope into finding her anymore either. She was probably still around, but as long as she was hiding so sufficiently, nothing would change. 

Sighing, he watched Eret for another minute or three before he got up to clear the table and clean the kitchen. Or… that was what he’d meant to do. 

He couldn’t even say when exactly it happened, whether it was right after he entered the kitchen or whether he at least started washing the dishes. All he remembered was that he suddenly felt too warm, the air around him too stuffy, and that he decided to go outside and get some fresh air instead. 

It was a lovely evening, the sun just about to set. The air was still relatively warm with only a light breeze blowing over from the ocean. His eyes settled on the glistening surface, smiling as the faint thought of drawing this one day came to his mind. But only a heartbeat later, it was gone again, along with pretty much every other thought in his head. 

He took a deep breath but it still felt stuffy somehow. Maybe the air would be cooler closer to the water? Hiccup made an unconscious step toward the water, then another. And another. The closer he got to the ocean the lighter he felt, his smile getting wider, his eyes brighter. 

On and on he walked…

. o O o .

With a heavy sigh, Eret stretched, the muscles in his back complaining at the lack of change in posture. He shushed them though, far more frustrated by the lack of progress in his research. There were so many stories, but none of them fit the case of their Undine. Nearly everywhere, the siren or mermaid was described as an evil monster which lured men in on purpose, direct and almost aggressive in their behaviour. And none of that fit to their Undine, he had to give Hiccup that much.

And… where was he anyway? 

“Hiccup?” Eret called, surprised that he wasn’t sitting on the couch anymore. When had he left? He got up, stretched some more, and then went in search of his elusive boyfriend. He had enough of all those frustrating thoughts and dearly preferred cuddles over pretty much anything right now. 

However, it quickly became apparent that he wasn’t inside the cottage anymore, and with a slight uneasiness, Eret stepped out the backdoor, expecting Hiccup to have gotten lost in the view, too. But he was nowhere to be seen, and somehow, that made it even worse. Calling his name again, Eret jogged around the house to check on their car, but it was still where it was supposed to be; Hiccup hadn’t driven off for whatever reason. His uneasiness grew as he ran a hand through his hair, looking around the wide-open landscape as if he expected to spot Hiccup there somewhere; which, of course, he didn’t. 

“Hiccup, this isn’t funny anymore,” he called, louder, but there was still no response. “Dammit!” he cursed under his breath, jogging back to the other side of the house. Reluctantly, his gaze landed on the ocean but he found that, for once, its allure was gone. Or maybe his worries for Hiccup were just overshadowing it. Slowly, practically against his will, he walked closer to the small stony cliff that separated the higher field of grass from the water. 

And prayed with all his heart that he wouldn’t find what he feared to find.

. o O o . 

With her incorporeal arms soothingly wrapped around herself, the creature sat at the foot of her usual rock, deep below the ocean’s surface. As so often lately, she was quietly humming to herself, the only thing that seemed able to keep the loneliness at bay – a little bit at least. 

She felt raw inside, torn between the urge to watch her humans whenever possible and to keep this safe distance at any cost. It wasn’t working. She could feel it, how her determination crumbled. It was only a matter of time before she would give in and go back, would risk… whatever could happen to her if she got involved with humans. 

But whatever it was, it couldn’t be worse than this hopeless longing for something she didn’t even know. And she was certain that, to a degree, they had to feel it, too. When she felt the worst, almost ready to give up existing, more often than not one of them appeared outside, barely moving and just watching the waves, just like she liked to do, too. It was odd, but it made her feel connected to them. As if they specifically came for her, to keep her company. As if her loneliness had called them. 

And it was getting worse. 

She’d already spent part of this day with the bigger one as she called it. But where she’d been content with doing so every couple of days, she now already missed them again. How was she supposed to cope?

Her cold heart skipped a painful beat when she felt it – one of them was close again. Not close enough to find her, but inside the water. Even over the distance, she thought she could feel the warmth he radiated, making her whimper. Resisting was so hard. 

Impossibly hard even. 

With something like a soft cry, she gave in to the overpowering force that drew her toward them, floating close enough to spot him near the surface. It was the smaller one, and just seeing him made her feel lighter inside. Hopefully, this tiny bit of closeness would be enough to give her the strength to keep her distance a little longer. 

But then she saw it. Something was�� off. 

Usually, the humans took off their additional skins when they entered the water, or most of them at least. And it made sense, she thought as she watched her human struggle. All those skins made it apparently difficult to move. Worried, she watched him more closely. He appeared to have problems with staying at the surface, as if the wet skins were dragging him down against his will. 

It didn’t look good.

Not at all!

She didn’t hesitate for even one second longer. From one moment to the other, she didn’t care about consequences anymore. Within a few heartbeats, she was at his side, her body condensing into a more solid form to hold him and lift him back up to the surface. He instantly gasped for air, arms and legs flinging around wildly. His eyes were open but equally wild so she couldn’t be sure whether he even noticed her or not. She hoped he didn’t.

She also hoped that lifting him back up here was enough, that she could go right back into hiding now. But as soon as she let go of him, he sank down again, helpless against the waves and the weight of his soaked skins. Whining in distress but without thinking twice about it, the creature wrapped her arms around her human again and slowly dragged him back toward the shore. It was difficult, her body not used to such exertion, and she had to pause several times, gathering her strength and holding him up almost more than she could manage. 

He’d stopped struggling by now which made it easier but also worried her. Terrestrial beings needed to breathe, didn’t they? Was he still breathing? She wasn’t sure but she also had no way of making sure. So she put in more effort to get him back to the shore and even managed to drag him onto solid ground, even though she barely remembered how. 

Frantically, she looked him over, unsure of what to do now. He still wasn’t moving. But before she even had one moment to think about what to do now, she heard the sounds; footsteps rustling through the grass above her and the weird but distinct noises humans made. The other one was coming here and quickly. That was good. He would know what to do with this one.

With two quick jumps, she was back in the water, diving in head-first and disappearing between the waves.

. o O o .

When Eret reached the cliff, heart hammering in his chest, he froze when he found exactly what he’d feared. Hiccup lay on the rocky ground below, pale and unmoving, his clothes and hair dripping wet. 

“Oh, FUCK!” he cursed, hastily climbing down to his hopefully just unconscious boyfriend. In the back of his mind, a voice was ranting about how Hiccup had been wrong, about how the Undine had lured him into death after all. But Eret determinedly shut it out. Now was not the time. 

Instead, he quickly scanned his body for any visible wounds, relieved when he couldn’t find any, and directly went over to reanimation. They’d taken courses before moving to the seaside, but never in his life had Eret imagined he’d one day have to use it on Hiccup. 

“Come on, Hic,” he gasped in-between. “Don’t do this to me.”

To Eret, it felt as if a small eternity passed as he alternately pressed down on Hiccup’s chest and blew air into his lungs. But in reality, it probably took far less than a minute until Hiccup reacted, coughing up water as his body convulsed. 

“Oh, thank Odin,” Eret gasped as Hiccup regained at least some consciousness. He was groaning, his hands fluttering up in search of something, and Eret caught them eagerly, reassuring him that he was safe now. “You scared me there for a moment, do you know that? Don’t ever do that to me again!” He was only babbling, really, too scared and relieved and shocked to make any sense. And it wasn’t as if Hiccup was all that perceptive right now anyway. 

For a while, Eret just held Hiccup. He had both arms wrapped around him, slowly rocking him back and forth and giving Hiccup time to recover and regain his senses. At first, all Hiccup did was groan and cough, but after a minute or three, he apparently found his voice again.

“She was there,” he croaked, followed by renewed coughing. “I saw her. Felt her. The Undine.”

Eret’s fingers around Hiccup’s shoulder twitched as he helped him back onto his feet. Somehow, he wasn’t surprised the Undine was involved in this incident. “Yeah, I guessed so. Maybe you believe me now that she’s dangerous. All these legends about her kind luring men into death – they can’t all be wrong!” 

Getting Hiccup up the rocky cliff wasn’t easy but eventually, they managed. Once they were back on grassy ground, Hiccup shook his head though. “No, you don’t understand,” he insisted, his voice still hoarse but urgent. “She… she was helping me. Dragged me to the surface and the shore. She rescued me, Eret! She’s not evil, not–” 

Hiccup broke off, coughing again, and nearly fell when he dizzily stumbled to the side. Eret caught him quickly, his arms firmly around him again as he led him to their home. He wanted to argue against Hiccup’s words, how that didn’t explain why he’d ended up in the water in the first place, for example. But instead, he just pressed his lips together, forcing himself to stay quiet. They would get the time to discuss this, but not now. Not, getting Hiccup inside to warm him up and let him rest was more important. 

“Whatever. But come on now, we have to get you out of these wet clothes.” Usually, a comment like that would have drawn a smirk from Hiccup’s lips and probably a comment about if Eret wanted to see him naked he only had to ask. 

But today, none of that happened. All Hiccup did was nod mutely, his eyes weirdly dazed and empty.

. o O o .

The creature didn’t get far before she paused and turned back to look at the shore. Too big was her apprehension for the human’s health; she had to know how he was doing and hiding deep in the ocean and out of sight was out of the question right now. Anxiously, she watched as the bigger one took care of him, for once not caring whether anyone might spot her head between the waves. 

Please, oh, please. Let him live!, she thought, desperately. Usually, the life of humans didn’t matter to her, but after all these weeks, she didn’t want to lose them.

The relief she felt when the smaller one moved again was beyond anything she’d felt before. Her heart was flowing over with lightness, unable to contain her emotions any longer, and there was an odd stinging in her eyes, more wetness than usual on her cheeks.

He was alive. As stupid as her thoughtless reflex to help him might have been, it hadn’t been for nothing. He was alive, and everything else was secondary to that.

However, as she watched them retreat into their construction, something else came up in her mind. The happiness and relief from before got accompanied by the returning longing as they walked away from her, but that wasn't something new. No, what was new was the sense of dread she felt. As if it had been her fault that he'd almost drowned in the first place.

But that was ridiculous… wasn't it?

With blank eyes she watched them as they disappeared out of sight, inwardly fighting against the voice inside her head. What if she'd been right before? What if she wasn't the only one feeling that strange pull toward these humans? What if, somehow, her presence affected them just like theirs did her?

Was she responsible for him almost drowning? 

As often as thinking about them had elicited some strange warmth inside her before, all she felt now was a weird coldness instead. She couldn’t even explain it to herself, but she just knew that she’d been right. Them spending more time outside where she could see them lately was somehow because of her, because they felt the same yearning she did. And it had almost killed one of them. 

Throughout the entire night, the creature stayed close to the shore, closer than she’d dared to in a long time, watching the building even after the lights had gone out. Something like today wouldn’t happen again. She wouldn’t let it happen again. 

For hours, she pondered even though, deep down, she already knew what she had to do. Her only option. Leaving was impossible, she'd tried that already. She'd thought that staying just close enough to watch them would be enough, but the past weeks had been anything but easy on her – and obviously, it wasn't a real solution anyway, not when it put them at risk. So what option was left to her? She knew that she wasn't allowed to interact, that it could have deadly consequences if she did. But apparently, that was true for not interacting, too.

Yeah, she already knew what she had to do, but she still needed the hours until dawn to gather her courage. Above her, the sky was already turning grey and orange as she got closer and closer to the water's edge. Once, the sensation of skin forming around her, of confining her, had put her off enough to throw herself back into the ocean, but today, it felt like little more than an unimportant inconvenience. Earlier, when she'd dragged the human onto solid ground, it hadn't bothered her either, hadn't even registered in her mind, and ignoring it now was almost easy. 

Once her feet touched nothing but sand and rocks and her legs had gotten accustomed to carrying her weight, her gaze locked on the small construction further up on the headland. Slowly, she took one step up the rocky ground, her eyes never leaving her goal. Before she knew it, she felt grass beneath her bare feet, such a weird and unfamiliar sensation, but even that wasn’t able to distract her from taking another step. 

And another. 

And another...

. o O o .

Uh Oh... I wonder how that's going to work out... O:)

[diguerra-moved]

Answer twenty-one questions

01. Nickname: Mel 02. Real name: Melissa 03. Zodiac: Scorpio 04. Height: 165cm 05. What time is it: 02:07 am 06. Favourite musicians / groups: Taylor Swift!! Of Monsters and Men!! Imagine Dragons!! I like many other things but I’ll stick to those 3 07. Favourite sports team: Eh, I’m not into sports and I don’t even cheer for my own country during World Cups so... yeah. 08. Other  blogs: I have recently made Rey in her own blog @lightsforce​ but that might not last because I’m afraid of delving in the SW fandom kajsdnfakjnf I am also on the process of making a blog for Anna so I’ll match Ruth and her Elsa but it isn’t nearly done yet so uh stay tuned I’ll probably share the url here at some point. And that’s it c:  09. Do I get asks? Yes, and how fast I reply really depends. Sometimes it’s minutes sometimes it’s a day sometimes it’s literally 3 months rip 10. How many blogs do I follow? I’m following exactly 126 blogs right now. 11. Any tumblr crushes: I have ofc @sunrunnerrs​ @ladywindrunner​ @chcngenation​ @wclfcrown​/@wardencrowned​ @aen-consilium​ @redeeming-sun​ and an honorable mention to Ruth who I can’t tag rn. Y’all legends ily 12. Lucky number: 6. I don’t know why? I just always really liked it. 13. What am I wearing right now: Summer pajamas because it’s hot af here 14. Dream vacation: I really hope I can go to Disney again someday, but I have always wanted to visit Japan and Canada too. 15. Dream car: I don’t? Have one? A good car that can comfortably take me to places and that I don’t have to spend too much with is great for me. I’d like it colorful though -- I’m not a fan of black, silver or white cars because they’re boring aksdjfnaskdnf 16. Favourite food: Lasagna. And brigadeiro. Probably.  17. Drink of choice: Hot cocoa. Or cold. Depends. 18. Languages: Portuguese and English are the only two I’m 100% comfortable with. I’m learning Italian, and I’m far from fluent but I’m good with listening and reading --- writing only with a lot of time and dedication, but I can speak a bit too. I’ve begun learning French, but I dropped it because it was too hard aksjdnfkajs I learned Spanish at school, and I can read an write well, but talking and listening I’m a low-intermediate. And I’ve studied Japanese for about 4? Years? I think. From +-13 to 17, which means I haven’t touched it in like 6 years, so I forgot most of it. 19. Instruments: Acoustic guitar, which I’ve recently begun playing. My actual real love is for the violin, but there literally were no teachers in the city I lived and I stopped learning because of it. Now I’ve moved somewhere else, but I have yet to pick it up again. 20. Celebrity crushes: I don’t know akjnfadkjn I don’t think I’m invested enough in any celebrities to say they’re crushes.  21. Random fact: I don’t cry easily with drama movies and such, even when they’re good and touching, but I’m Emotional about cartoons and superhero movies 90% of the time. I cried a lot with HTTYD 3 and Frozen 2 and Infinity War all the 6 times I went to watch it (although a lot of it was because... Gamora. I love Gamora sm she’s my favorite MCU character) you guys have no idea it was ridiculous

Tagged by: @khruseos​ thank you so much Sae <3 Tagging: I don’t know which of you would really like to do it so! if you do, steal from me and tag me so I can see it!

[thelastifntdragonrider]

HI! I’m putting all of the things i’ve been tagged in from the past couple of weeks that i haven’t answered yet bc i’m working hard on an admission portfolio for university and i really want to get into Sheridan, so yep lots of work and lots of art. i am also working on the HTTYD fandom reading (please sign up) and the next chapters of J’Imagine and No Cannon Shall Sink This Ship. Anyways, onto the tagged: 

get to know me meme: tagged by @animalsarepeople2​ thank youuuu! 

nicknames: Kei / Keiko *i explain this in a question down there somewhere 

Gender: Female 

Star Sign: Libra

MBTI Type: INFJ 

Height: 163cm 

Time: 17:07 (by the time I finished all of these it’s 18:36) 

Birthday: February 25 

Favourite Bands: Beatles, Young Rising Sons, Clean Bandits, Lovelyz, Infinite 

Favourite Solo Artists: Ailee, Ed Sheeran 

Song Stuck in My Head: 1cm by Lovelyz 

Last Movie Watched: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp

Last Show Watched: I just binge watched Stranger Things 

When I created my blog: July 15, 2013/June 27, 2017

What I post about: httyd, animated movies, animation

Last thing I Googled: information about Sheridan and character rotation 

Other blogs I have: my main blog @tokkeiko

Following: 100, though I want to find more good blogs, any recs anyone? 

Followers: in total from both blogs, 200 or something 

Favourite colour: Green 

Average hours of sleep: 8-ish 

Lucky number: 7

Instruments: piano, oboe 

What I’m wearing: jeans and my current favourite sweater which is grey with gold spots 

Number of blankets: I need to remember to find another one bc my room is freezing when I wake up in the morning

Dream Job: story artist at Disney 

Dream trip: i just want to get out of my city rn 

Favourite food: i’m just hungry rn, give me anything, but favourite food, among others, is salted caramel truffle blizzard from the good old DQ (#lovemydq) 

Music ask, tagged by @yv-sketches THANKS!!!! 

10 songs that you are listening to right now; 

my current favourite playlist is called Shut Up and Dance:

“Elle Me Dit” Mika 

“Red Balloon” Charli XCX 

“Dancing in the Dark” Rihanna 

“Shut Up and Dance” Walk the Moon

“Red and Gold” Young Rising Sons 

“Can’t Stop the Feeling” Justin Timberlake 

“Better When I’m Dancing” Meghan Trainor 

“I Bet My Life” Imagine Dragons 

“Into a Fantasy” Alexander Rybak 

“Get Back Up Again” Anna Kendrick

Tag Game, taggged by @thepurplewriter333 ty friend-o! 

Nicknames: Keiko/Kei/Spirit/Sweet Potato 

Gender: Female

Star Sign; Pisces 

Height: 163cm 

Sexuality: probably straight 

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff!!!

Favourite animals: uhhhh... orcas probably 

Average hours spent sleeping: 8 i think, i’m not bothering with math rn 

Dogs or cats: KITTY, all of my sibilings have a significant other and all of their significant others’ have cats and why can’t I have a s/o with a cat???

number of blankets sleeping: during the winter, aka now already, two 

Dream trip: geeeeetttt meeeee ouuuuttt offf thissss citttyyyyy

Dream job: Story artist at Disney 

when I made this account: June 27. 2017

why I made this account: bc i wanted a place to reblog all of the httyd stuff without loosing followers on my other blog 

# of followers: like 47, I think? I recently got more. follow me i am cool person 

92 statements, tagged by @thepurplewriter333 thanks for the double tag! 

Last: 

Drink: Tim Hortons’ Double Double (got to stay caffeinatedddddddd) 

 Phone Call: Home to get a ride home 

Text message: Friend to go hang out later

Song You Listened To: Shooting Star by Lovelyz

Time You Cried: uhhhhhhhh... oh, like a month ago, it was a bad week and then I watched Home and my emotions were already out of wack so I basically sobbed near the end 

Have you: 

Dated someone twice: Nope 

Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope, i’m boring

Been cheated on: nope 

Lost someone special: nope 

Been depressed: i feel like it’s hard to be a university student and not get depressed 

Gotten drunk and thrown up: i am a boring party person and yeah, no i haven’t 

List 3 favourite colours: 

Green

Blue 

Gold 

In the last year have you: 

made new friends: Yeahhhh

fallen out of love: nopppeee...?

Laughed until you cried: like every other day

Found someone was talking about you: in a good way; nope. In a bad way: yeah too many times

found out who your friends are: yeahhhhhh

kissed someone on your FB list: okay someday, i’ll have more interesting answers 

General: 

how many FB friends do you know IRL: 99% of them 

Do you have any pets: nope 

Do you want to change your name: i recently thought about dropping my middle name, but like it has significance to my parents so probably won’t happen and my middle name doesn’t do anything so idk 

what did you do for your last birthday: Keep in mind that I turned 18: my friends and I went to Build-A-Bear and they got me a Build-A-Bear Toothless. 

What time do you wake up: my alarms on early days are 7:00, 7:05, 7:15, 7:25, 7:35, 7:45, 8:00. I naturally wake up at 9-ish 

What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping :D 

Name something you can’t wait for: to (hopefully) get accepted into Sheridan and start a new adventure out there.

When was the last time you saw your mom: she’s in the kitchen with me 

what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish that I could’ve figured out what I wanted to do with life so that I could’ve started Sheridan this year 

What are you listening to right now: Sheridan portfolio reviews, tips, etc. (Starting to see a pattern here?) 

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: friend’s dad. he’s a cool dad. 

Something that is getting on your nerves: when people are packing up their stuff before the professor is finished talking in the last 5 minutes of class. URGH stop moving ppl this stuff is important 

Most visited website: FB, YT, tumblr 

Mole(s): couple

Mark(s): I have freckles (might be moles) on each cheek under both eyes. 

Childhood dream: when you’re a kid, you’re really only exposed to teacher, doctor, police man and whatever your parents are. I think I defaulted to an artist when adults asked. 

Hair colour: black, I have silver hairs though, they stick out on the black hair a lot 

long or short hair: I always grow my hair out and then cut off 12 inches to donate to cancer wigs  

Do you have a crush on someone: not currently, though i had a crush on a guy for like 5 years, so even now, 5 years later, I get happy when I think about him 

Piercings: no, i really think a conch piercing would be nice though 

Blood type: ... A I think, i’ve never gotten tested, but according to genetics, I should be an A 

Nicknames: my full name is Keiko, but everyone called me Kei as a kid, but during high school, I started introducing myself as Keiko, so some people call me Kei, some people call me Keiko, one of them is a nickname, depending on which way you think about it, 

Relationship Status: Egg salad. 

Zodiac: Pisces 

Pronouns: She/her

Favourite TV show: Friends 

Right or left handed: Right, but recently I’ve been trying to teach myself to draw with my left hand 

Surgery: Wisdom teeth 

Hair dyed a different colour: nope, but I think I might try a ombre some day 

Sports: ballet since I was 4ish, ballet is a sport, come fight me on it if you dare 

Vacation: a lot of camping when I was younger, I’ve been to Japan twice, and then places across Canada

Pair of trainers: are we talking about trainers as in shoes? bc then ankle high all black vans. 

More General: 

Eating: this is taking so long I stopped and had supper between these sections

Drinking: Double Double (Tim’s coffee, two creams, two sugars), gotta stay AWaaaaaaaaaaKE

I’m about to: draw character designs or go out to coffee shop to study with friends 

Want: to get into Sheridan so so so so so badly 

Get married: I’m still single, want to put my career first, so yep not for a little while 

Career: i’m a cake decorator rn, see my cakes on my insta @tanakeiart 

Hugs or Kisses: hUG mE

Lips or eyes: Eyes, (though I am supper bad at making eye contact) 

Shorter or taller: would be nice to be slightly taller... 

Older or younger: like to date or something? I think high school rule is a good rule, but rn looking at niners mAN they are tiny

Nice arms or stomach: arms to hug meeeeee

Sensitive or loud: i think I would need a loud person to compliment me 

Hook up or relationship: relationship bc you have a standing plus one to everything and rn being single I have to text like 5 friends to find someone to go with me to something 

Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant 

Have you ever: 

kissed a stranger: Nope 

Drank hard liquor: I only have like four months until my 19th so like i’ll go drinking then 

Lost Glasses/contact lenses: funny story: family and i were in Japan and we were at Kinkaku-ji and then i realize that one of my eyes have gone fuzzy, so thinking that there is something on the lens, i take my glasses off and my lens had fallen out of the frame. my family literally crawled around trying to find my lost lens, we did find it, but we couldn’t find a small screw that would hold the lens in. my dad fixed it with a twist tie.

turned someone down: nobody likes me so nobody has asked me so i have never turned someone down 

broken someone’s heart: no 

had your heart broken: yeah, by a friend. It is shATTERing 

been arrested: not even a parking ticket in my name 

cried when someone died: no, i am some kind of emotionless egg

fallen for a friend: my heart easily leaps and often trips falls and gets lost

Do you believe in:

yourself: yes, I believe that I can get in, I believe that I can be what I want to be. 

Miracles: I believe in karma more than miracles 

Love at first sight: yes, but not in the way that media portrays it 

Santa claus: nah 

Kiss on the first date: this is weirdly phrased. 

other: 

current best friend name: becky 

Eye colour: brown 

Favourite movie: the other day i was procrastinating and made an official list of favourite movies, which still has a lot of ties: 1/2: httyd 1/2, 3/4: moana, big hero 6, 5/6/7: wreck it ralph, tangled, rise of the guardians,  8/9/10: back to the future 1-3 

wow that took a lot of time, but thanks for tagging me! I’m tagging @thepurplewriter333 @yv-sketches and @animalsarepeople2 on the ones that you didn’t tag me in! also tagging @katlikespie @crazilexa and @fading-shadows for whichever one/s you want to do! 

[nocllesnow]

22, 9, 3 !

which muse is the trickiest to get into character for?

probably darcy?? only because he fluctuates so much between being harsh and being awkward and being annoyed because HE doesn’t know what he’s doing, so he’s some serious mood whiplash. ithaca is a close second, though, because i’m still feeling my way around what she does and how she feels and how she acts around different people, because she’s a character whose responses 100% depend on who she’s talking to. that being said, tho, i like to think my characters are pretty in-character?? hopefully?? IDK FAM

why were you drawn to each one of your characters?

this gonna be a long answer fam, u ready??

noelle: mY FIRST BAE, playing shy characters was easier for me when i entered a new group, plus shy olaf daughter?? with a dad who’s extra af?? yES PLS. ngl, i stalked the rp for like a week before joining bc i was highkey intimidated, so i feel like that showed through noelle a bit.

kai: SILVERMIST IS MY DISNEY FAIRY FAVE, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, and taehyung’s face was calling to me fam, i really wanted a fairy character and i mean, silvermist was the fave, so why not??

luna: when tasha was still around she said in the ooc that she wanted a daughter of pitch black for andy and i wAS ON THAT SHIT the muse came to me fam, and isabelle suited the character so well the rest was history.

caspia: seeing the hundred acre wood characters start to come in i was like “yO WHAT IF PIGLET HAD A REBELLIOUS AF DAUGHTER” and i also wanted a character to get drunk bc none of the aforementioned characters really got drunk, so tHERE SHE BE

ophelia: with the Mess™ that the wonderland characters at the time had going on, i ended up getting muse for a more fussy yet adventurous and curious daughter of the white rabbit, thus ophelia was born. nONE of those wonderland characters are around anymore, but she was a character who i found had to grow up a bit and idk fam i could go oN

zane: UM SHOCK LOCK AND BARREL ARE MY FAVES?? i remember EB mentioned rex being terrified of their kids and the muse continued from there tbh?? i’d wanted to use jungkook for a while and i was like oPPORTUNITY, and he was another character that grew up quite a bit when i first got him

eirella: listen............she was meant to be a daydreamer who had a bit of a temper, right?? tHEN I REALISED I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN SHE WAS ANGRY SO ANGRY SHE BECAME. i also really like dancer characters, sO

misty: there was a lot of Mess™ happening with the atlantica-olympus crew and i thought to myself “lmao what if it was flounder’s kid that has to deal with all of them” aND THUS MISTY WAS BORN, it was very quick tbh but i don’t regret it one bit

jacinta: i wanted a very whimsical and energetic character as well as a very immature one, and i thought a daughter of stitch would fit the bill tbh. i also love stitch, and with kei as her fc it just sorta fell into place tbh

talon: i wANTED MATT DADDARIO AS AN FC OK and tbh i went through a few options, but i went with tarzan and jane because the character i had in mind was one that was kinda rough and socially inept, and i figured being raised in the jungle away from humans was perfect for that

alissa: fAIRY GODMOTHER CHILD?? YES PLS. with all the crazy shit that was happening in auradon, i wanted a character like alissa who wanted to stand up for the school ( this was before we had an actual fairy godmother mind you ) and also one who wanted to grant wishes because SHE wanted to. a lot of it was based on the fairy godmother in the original descendants movie who wouldn’t let jane use magic, and so alissa would be under the same circumstances and just rebel, plain and simple

sabrina: LOOK I HAD HER IN MIND FOR MONTHS BEFORE I HAD HER I’M JUST SDKLFJSLDF with all the wreck-it-ralph characters around, i got inspired, and i was like “how WOULD turbo treat his kid??” aND THUS SHE WAS BORN AND WOULDN’T LEAVE MY MIND

xiaoli: around the time i was thinking about sabrina, i was also thinking about xiaoli. there were a few inspirations for xiaoli’s character. the whole ‘i am a tool’ line came from peko pekoyama from dangan ronpa and the writing in her sketchbook thing came from this character megumi from the anime special a and everything just sorta fell into place?? i love her so much like??

viviette: MIRACULOUS LADYBUG HYPE FAM i lowkey wanted a ML character for a while and then all this hype about queen bee was going around and it was cHLOE AND I WAS LIKE !!!!!!! and i was really drawn to the backstory riley made for cameron so it was a no-brainer whose kid i was gonna create

frederick: I WANTED A BRATTY PRINCE. THAT’S ALL I WANTED. AND NOW HERE HE IS. A MASTERPIECE OF BULLSHITERY. and now i also love when he guts flustered and blushy blushy that’s always fun

gabriel: i knew i wanted a soft, well-mannered, flower-child boy, i just didn’t know where to put him, and then i remembered how much i fUCKING LOVED THE SWAN PRINCESS AS A CHILD and it was a no-brainer, he’s just so pure, so beautiful

beatrix: sMALL FEISTY DEMON CHILD?? CHERNABOG?? LITERALLY SATAN’S DAUGHTER?? NEED I SAY MORE?? i wanted a character who was a persuasive little shit, basically. hopefully i’m doing her justice even tho i brING HER SO MUCH PAIN i basically have no issues doing anything to her bc chernabog would legit do ANYTHING bc he has no morals, like at all

roxanne: princess who’s done with her dad’s shit, basically someone who might be able to dO SOMETHING about the crazy ass shit that goes on in auradon as well as someone close to the king to actually oppose the king, and i aLSO wanted a character who had middle child syndrome so

pandora: i wanted a smol from the isle, bc i had no smols from the isle, like nO TRUE REAL 110% SMOLS and i chose pete because first of all, i love the mickey mouse original characters, but also because i thought he would be an interesting character to explore in this universe?? sO YEA

darcy: i wanted charlie heaton as an fc and i had his character of being abrupt and awkward in my mind already, but i once again had no idea where to put him?? iN THE END it was his personality that i was interested in the most. shoutout to nicole for helping me decide on aurora and phillip tho

yazmin: THIS ONE IS WINNIE’S FAULT OK i knew coranza was from elena of avalor and i was like “oh what’s that this looks cool” I FINISH ALL THE EPISODES AND I LOVED ISABEL AND I WAS ON THAT SHIT LIKE LIGHTNING OK

willow: i made the mistake of watching sofia the first, i legit remember posting ‘i have made a terrible mistake’ on the ooc blog but i just?? really wanted a spoiled princess?? aND I LOVE SOFIA THE FIRST SO LIKE ??? FAM

queenie: I WAS WATCHING THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE AND THE MUSE POPPED UP I WAS SHOOK i love detective characters and i had so many ideas?? i had a few stoic characters but none of them were as lonely as queenie really was, and she has this side to her that shows that she’s still just a teenager sO

umbra: I WANTED TO USE BONA FOR THE LONGEST TIME i just had no idea where to put her and then i watched httyd and i love that movie so much ok and i was INFIRES i also love characters who are antisocial but are 110% fine with being that way and umbra is nothing if not that so

ithaca: LI ST E N a snow white child has been in the back of my mind since forever tbh, since around october last year i think?? but there was no space. i just really loved the idea of her being interested in magic and being sorta gloomy and stuff and being this kinda?? middle ground to otto and pompeii?? like they’re both on opposite ends of things and ithaca is just kinda in the middle like “whatever fam”

helix: IT’S NO SECRET THAT I LOVE THE BELDAMS OK and once again if there had been space i probably would have created her a long time ago. i got to thinking about what would have happened to a beldam kid during the time she was alone, all these hypotheticals like “what if they didn’t know what beldams did?? what if they were really sweet and it aLL CHANGED” and thus HELIX

[therealmnemo]

11 Questions

Ok, so I think I got everyone who tagged me in this. I’m sorry I’m going to add more questions because I’m drawing a blank, but I’ll answer the questions I was tagged in under the cut >.> 

From @sixlilypetals

1.     What is your favorite fan fic by another author and why? Oh no.. why. I have so many favorites!!! Ok. I’m going to pick one out specifically because it affected me so much that every time I hear the song that the title comes from, I will literally tear up in public. It’s You’ll Remember Me (When The West Wind Moves) by @foxnonny. It’s a FenHawke where Danarius was able to recapture Fenris, but starts with Garrett and co. rescuing him after his memories had been erased. After some time back at Kirkwall, Garrett is able to show Fenris his memory of their captivity (both he and Fenris had been captured, but Garrett had been freed once they reached shore), and Fenris realizes he needs time away to realize who he is again, because he is not this Fenris. And what KILLS me, is that Fenris’ last words to Garrett before giving himself back is “Be Well, Garrett Hawke.” And it’s said again later and everytime I think about it I want to cry. And then the last chapter when he starts writing to Garrett and picking up random memories.. I just.. GAH. It’s so beautiful. And this is why I cry like a baby at Fields of Gold. 

2.     What is your favorite fan fic you’ve done and why? Ugh. Well, I’m in that slump where I’ve been unable to write in a while so nothing looks good.. but I think I’m going to say You Could Be Happy. It’s the collection of my fic for Fenris Week last year, and contains two of my more well-received pieces. Surprises, which laid the foundation of the FenHanders I really wanted to delve into, and then Flight, a Pern AU one-shot that I put a lot of thought into and would like to pull out into a long fic one day. This question might change if I ever get my WIPs finished. 

3.     How did you discover Dragon Age? Steam Sale? I’m pretty sure Origins was really cheap during a Steam sale and a few of my friends had it on their game lists and I was like.. uh.. this seems like my kind of thing. Then I spent a couple hundred hours on it... 

4.     If you were going to do a get rich quick scam in Thedas, what modern thing would you peddle? condoms. idek 

5.     What is your dream hobby? i’d love to get going on voice work, and also beekeeping. 

6.     If you could create one law that could never be changed, what would it be? Oh god, something dealing with minimum wage and having to stay in line with cost of living and productivity levels and/or requiring the government to provide homes to the homeless. 

7.     When you’ve had a rough day, what makes you happy? IRL, cuddling with friends and watching a movie, if that is not possible (like 90% of the time) getting online to read fic and talk with friends <3

8.     What other universe do you think would be fun to cross over with Dragon Age? oh god.. too many? but the one I’m most interested in is doing a Pern crossover because.. uh.. dragons!!! (and of COURSE Hawke and Bull would be dragonriders)

9.     If you could own a pet dragon, would you and why? who in their right mind would answer no to that? YES.. because DRAGONS. 

10.  In what ways do you see yourself as a leader? As a follower? Uh.. hmm. I guess when it comes to things that I’m knowledgeable about or interested in, I’ll tend to take the lead in a group setting.. especially in cases where I can foster communication. Things that are task oriented that are easy to follow up on. I tend to fall back as a follower if it’s something that isn’t in my wheelhouse, or something I have no business being at the forefront of. 

11.  If you could go back in time and tell yourself one thing about the future, what would it be? fuck more people. i know how that might sound in general, but like, i wish young me would have had a different view on this. if i did, some things would have been very different. 

From @jawsandbones

Click this link and tell us what your super power is. Are you a hero or a villain? Your powers are super hearing, seeing through illusions, and manipulating shadows. um, a flipping hero. mostly for that last one.. because I would totally put on the most badass shadow puppet theatre.

What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue? BEEKEEPING. :D (I would say location too, but I’m sure that wouldn’t be an issue because money wouldn’t be)

What fictional place would you most like to go? Toss up between Thedas and Pern. 

Are you usually early or late? Uh, late. Usually depends on if I’ve taken my meds that day. It’s the focus part that usually screws me up on timing. 

What do you wish you knew more about? I’m going to cop out of this question because I’m literally a sponge for useless information. I will rabbit trail on wikipedia for hours. Things I will never need to know, or wanted to know to begin with, but now I have that tidbit stored away. I just want to know all that I can. Did you know that Mike Nesmith of the Monkeess’ mother was the inventor of Liquid Paper? 

How do you relax after a hard day? Check # 7 above!

Something you’ve been meaning to try but haven’t gotten around to yet?hmm, i don’t really have anything for this one. i have games i’ve not played yet and shows i haven’t watched yet. 

What one thing do you really want but can’t afford? a month long vaca to see my BFF in Scotland. 

What are you most likely to become famous for? not really anything, but along with my dream hobbies, well known VA or rockstar beekeeper would be amazing right?

What are you absolutely determined to do? Right now? Just be a fully functioning adult. 

What question do you want the answer to? Why haven’t we bred dragons yet? I mean, come on. 

From @littlexabyss

1.  What’s your favourite kind of dragon? I’m talkin’ any fandom here - Potterverse to HTTYD to…. well.  Dragon Age, I guess.  PERN DRAGONS \o/

2.  Across any/all of the games, what’s one decision you regret making plotwise?  Did you not recruit someone?  Break up with an LI?  Make a decision which broke your approval rating with someone?  C’mon, spill.  The first time I played DA2 I skipped Fenris’ cutscene and didn’t use him the whole game... I even thought he was a rogue... >.>

3.  Who’s the best-looking monster or creature in Thedas? (Mine’s the Envy demon at Therinfal Redoubt, wowee, that’s a stunner.)  Witherfang. 11/10

4.  What’s the most awkward ret-con of the Dragon Age series, in your opinion? Leliana if she was killed. Don’t get me wrong, I actually really love the reason that you get post DAI, because it just adds another level to lyrium and the Titans.. but like... awks. 

5.  List your current three favourite pieces of fan art and/or fics? WHY. ok, i did a fenhawke above, so i’m going to do three more ships eyyyy.  Walk Softly and Carry a Big Axe, Windfall, Inquisitor Hawke series

6.  Of the Dragon Age characters, who do you think would survive best should they be plonked into the Mass Effect universe? I’m going to flake on this because I really haven’t played ME yet. 

7.  Do you think Isabela’s ever had scurvy? Nah

8.  You know that bit in Inquisition, where Haven’s fallen and shit is getting a bit real and everyone starts singing that song half way up the mountain as your Inquisitor is freezing their buns off?  On a scale of 1: I totally joined in at home, it wasn’t awkward at all to 10: I had to leave the room and hide with my hands over my ears it was so awwwwkward, how’d you feel about it? Yeah, that was a 20. 

9.  Do you think you’ll be back for DA4?  Of course, DA owns my ass. 

10.  If you were a Circle mage, which (if any) fraternity would you belong to?  (As a brief recap: Aequitarians - “Shut up and play nice”; Isolationists - “Society is overrated”; Libertarians - “FUCK ALL THIS”; Loyalists - “Yes, Knight Commander, No, Knight Commander, how high, Knight Commander?”; Lucrosians: “MONEYMONEYMONEY”). Libertarian :D

11.  Think of your favourite character from the series (or just who springs to mind first): what is the song that they would rapturously describe as “their jam”? Shit. You know it’s Anders and Fenris and I have several playlists.. but as a single song? For Fenris, "Disarm” by the Smashing Pumpkins and for Anders, gawd, uhm, it changes constantly but give me some “Unsteady” by X Ambassadors for some young Anders feels. 

[shipmistress9]

One Last Hope

Fandom: HTTYD // ML

Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid

Rating: T

Genre: Romance/Angst

Summary: When Astrid gets injured in a fight, Hiccup is willing to do everything to save her. Everything!

. o O o .

AN: Okay, this weird plot bunny has been nagging at me for quite some time now... Now, it can go nag at you 😇

. o O o .

Hiccup couldn't even remember how it happened.

In one moment, they'd all been fighting dragon hunters just as usual, with Astrid as his general calling out orders to the others. Then the fight had become more heated, the noises around then drowning out her voice. And now, he would give everything to hear it just one more time. 

Unmoving, he sat at the side of her bed, in the exact same spot he’d sat in ever since people had brought her here a few days ago. Her wounds, as far as she’d had some from that last fight, had all healed by now, but they’d been barely more than scratches anyway. Nothing that would explain why she wouldn’t wake up. 

Fishlegs claimed he’d seen how she’d gotten hit on the head and had fallen to the ground like a stone. And that was a possible explanation, Hiccup knew that. Sometimes, people got hit in the head and died without any other visible injuries.

But Astrid wasn’t dead. She was still breathing, and even though he had to manually feed her water and broth to keep her alive, her body was clearly reacting to it, feeding on it. It was similar to when she’d had a bad fever two years ago when she’d been barely conscious for days on end. Back then, he’d kept her alive by spoon-feeding her too until she’d woken up again. Which was the difference now… This time, she just wouldn’t wake up… 

A whole week passed without her condition changing. Then a second one. Then a month. At Hiccup’s request, Snotlout had taken over leading the village for now, with Gobber, Gothi, and some of the other elders as his advisors. They were doing okay, or he hoped so at least. Right now, Astrid needed him more. 

Every day, he talked to her.  He told her about the weather, what the people walking past the window were doing. He told her of ideas he had, of new inventions he wanted to make or how to improve them. And he told her about what he would like to do if she would only wake up. Like taking a flight, simply for fun. Just going anywhere where he didn’t need to be the Chief, where they could just be Hiccup and Astrid. He wouldn’t waste another minute with boring council meetings ever again… 

“Talk to me, please,” he murmured into her hair one day. He held her hand in his, hoping for a light squeezing or a twitch of her fingers. Just anything! 

But time passed without her waking up, and with every day, Hiccup became more frantic. 

“Please,” he prayed to the Gods, desperate for just any sign, a hint, just something. “Please tell me what I have to do to get her back! I… I need her!” 

But, of course, he didn’t get an answer. The Gods had always hated him, so why would they help now? 

With a forlorn cry, he sank to his knees, just next to her bed. Her limp hand lay right in front of him, and without him thinking about it, he nuzzled into it, his tears coating her soft skin. 

“Please,” he muttered weakling to no-one in particular. “Please, I’d do everything to get her back.”

He didn’t know for how long he knelt there beside her, but from one moment to the other, the room was filled with movement. There was Toothless, nuzzling his head into Hiccup’s side until he reached out to scratch his head. Hiccup felt sorry for neglecting his friend so much lately, but he couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t leave Astrid’s side. 

But then, his friend wasn’t alone anymore anyway. Behind him, the Light Fury slid into the room, her big eyes filled with sorrow at the sight in front of her, and before Hiccup could react, Stormfly came in too, making the usually spacious room feel incredibly small. 

But Hiccup wasn’t worried that one of the dragons would hurt Astrid, not even accidentally. With tired eyes, he watched as the Nadder leaned over the bed, a sad trill rumbling through her body as she rubbed her chin against Astrid’s unmoving form. 

It looked as if the dragon was saying her last goodbye, but Hiccup wasn’t in a position to accept that idea. Astrid wasn’t dead, wasn’t lost. Not yet. 

Hiccup flinched when something heavy dropped to the ground next to him. When he looked down, he found a bag Toothless seemed to have dropped there. 

“What’s this, bud?” he asked in a weak voice. Was this supposed to be a gift to cheer him up? It was certainly well intended, but not what Hiccup needed right now.

[Help.]

With a start, Hiccup looked up and into his friend’s large eyes. He had no doubt that what he’d just heard had been Toothless voice. But how? He blinked in confusion, but in the end couldn’t bring himself to care enough even about such a riddle. 

“Help?” he asked, a sliver of hope rising inside him? “Is this some medicine? Something to heal her?”

Toothless gave a grunt and shook his scaly head. [No medicine. Help.]

Puzzled, Hiccup opened the bag; it was filled with dragon scales of all sizes and colours. In the next moment, an image rose to Hiccup’s mind’s eye, an image he’d never seen before and was sure wasn’t of his own imagination. It showed the scales in his hands, laid out in a circle and a strangle light glowing on the inside. 

[Build around you and her. Name your wish. Call on old dragons of time and wisdom. Won’t judge. Might help.]

Hiccup could do nothing but stare at his friend. Was he hallucinating now? Quite possible... He’d not eaten much and was dehydrated. Probably this was nothing but a trick his mind was playing on him. Toothless speaking? And some form of ritual to contact some dragon Gods? It sounded insane, even in his own mind. 

But no matter how weird the situation was, he wouldn’t waste it. Not if there was any chance… 

“Thank you!” he gasped, tears forming in his eyes as he threw his arms around Toothless’ neck. 

The dragon hummed, the vibrations rumbling through both their bodies. [Will miss you.]

The next Hiccup knew was that the dragons were gone. He blinked a few times, but from one heartbeat to the other, they’d disappeared without a trace. He was even about to admit that it had been nothing but a dream after all – if it hadn’t been for the bag full of dragon scales in his hands. 

His eyes wandered to Astrid’s face, pale and unmoving. “I’d do everything for you,” he murmured and leaned in to breathe a light kiss onto her lips. “Everything!”

Then he proceeded to put what he’d seen into reality. Meticulously, he ordered the scales into an orderly circle around Astrid’s bed so that every single one touched those next to it. After he’d put the last one in its place, the strange light he’d seen in his vision appeared right above her unmoving body, faint but undeniably there. 

After taking a deep breath, Hiccup stepped into the circle as well, kneeling over her. It should have felt stupid, but somehow it didn’t. It felt just right. “I don’t know if you can hear me,” he said in a low but clear voice. “But please, I need your help. If there is any way for me to help her, to heal her and to get her back, then please tell me what it is. I’m ready to do everything, no matter what.”

At first, he thought he wouldn’t get an answer. And why would he? This was just as hopeless as calling on his own Gods for help. If they didn’t care, why should foreign ones do? But then, the faint light around them grew stronger and stronger until it was so bright that he couldn’t even see the room around them anymore. There was nothing but this light and Astrid beneath him. And distant, murmuring voices. 

They were all talking at once, and even though Hiccup tried to understand them, there were just too many. He got enough to understand one thing, however. They were debating different approaches, possibilities, options. 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed – A minute? An hour? A year? – but eventually, the voices died down until only one was still speaking. It wasn’t a language he consciously understood though, but more something that spoke directly to his mind. It told him about the passing of time, about travelling in space, of things that happened around him, and taught him languages he’d never heard of before. By the time the voice stopped, his head was dizzy with the overload of information, even though his mind somehow seemed capable of digesting it all. 

When he found his way back into reality, it felt like waking up – probably because he was literally waking up, lying in a foreign bed in a foreign room wearing foreign clothes. Immediately, his eyes darted around, searching and finding the only thing that mattered. Astrid was lying in a bed next to his, tubes and equipment attached to her that he now knew to be a life support system. There were moving pictures – monitors, as his mind reminded him – that showed various numbers and moving lines. So far, she was fine and stable. 

A little less anxious now that he knew she was cared for, Hiccup’s eyes wandered through the rest of the room. The walls were decorated in what seemed to be his old drawings, and in general, this room reminded him of the one he’d had at home – even though in a much more modern way. 

The only thing that stood out was a small box on a table nearby. It was black and when he stepped closer, he noticed an intricate pattern of thin red lines all over its surface. Inside, he found some sort of stone, carved into a perfect oval jewel. It was purple, but the moment he touched it, the colour shifted to a dark almost black green. 

[This is the miraculous of the butterfly,] a strange voice spoke in his mind. [Its former owner used it to gain access to the miraculous of the ladybug and the cat. He failed, but if you are successful, then they will grant you a wish. With them, you can get your beloved back.]

The voice fell silent, the faint light – the afterglow of the incantation – fading, and Hiccup knew that he would never hear or see it again. He gazed at the jewel in his hand, feeling a sense of sorrow and betrayal, but wasn’t sure what to make of it. Without wasting another thought on this though, Hiccup pinned the jewel to his collar. His outfit changed, transforming him without him really noticing, as he stepped close to Astrid on her bed again. 

“Don’t worry,” he murmured, leaning down to let his lips glide over her forehead, her nose, her lips. “I will heal you. I promise!”

. o O o .

AN: Okay, I know this sounds like the beginning of a long and complicated story... and maybe it is. But I won’t be the one telling it. I don’t have a real idea for this and I also don’t have the time or inclination to dive deeper into this. I just wanted to get rid of this plot bunny.

If anyone feels inspired though, go ahead. 😅

[shipmistress9]

FTLOAP - 39: Once Upon A Time We Had A Lot To Fight For. We Had A Dream, We Had A Plan

Fandom: HTTYD

Theme: Hiccstrid - Medieval-style AU - Romance - Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Reduced to little more than a stable boy, Hiccup, despite his noble birth, has few prospects for more in life. But when he meets a girl who came to look at the horses, being a stable boy might not be enough anymore. Together, they have tough choices to make and great risks to navigate if they want to survive and be together.

Rating: Explicit

FF-net  -  AO3 -

Discord-server for discussions and questions

Part 1: Prologue; Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11;

Part 2: Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14; Interlude 1; Chapter 15; Chapter 16; Chapter 17; Chapter 18; Chapter 19; Chapter 20; Chapter 21; Chapter 22; Chapter 23; Chapter 24; Chapter 25; Chapter 26; Interlude 2; Chapter 27: Chapter 28 ; Chapter 29 ; Chapter 30; Chapter 31; Chapter 32; Interlude 3; Bonus 1; Chapter 33

Part 3: Chapter 34; Chapter 35; Chapter 36; Interlude 4; Chapter 37; Chapter 38

Alpha/Co-author: @athingofvikings

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

AN: Okay, this was a tough chapter to write, though for once not because of the content. Let me tell you about the fourteen days since I last updated. The first nine I had writer's block and couldn't get even one word down for this story. Then followed two days where I was on quite a high and got down 7k words, which is a lot for me. And after that, there were two and a half days through which I struggled again to get anything done, which left me and my alpha-reader with less than half a day for edits. I still can't believe it's actually done by now, and if it sucks... well, then I'm sorry!

In addition, I'm not quite sure of this chapter. It got awfully long, but somehow I feel like nothing happens. I mean, I know that's not true. But still, it feels off. Well, it's something of a bridge chapter, I guess.*sigh*

This week's chapter owes its title to a friend who made me listen to The Rasmus again after many years of not thinking much about this band. And when I listened to 'Sail Away'... well, the very first lines of lyrics of that song just really hit me. They fit so well to how Hiccup and Astrid feel right now.

Also, a special shoutout to @lauracalabresi Thank you for your comments over the last few days, they were a great encouragement! ^^

. o O o .

Hiccup couldn’t remember how he’d made it back to the stables, nor how the night had passed in any specific detail. It was all just a blur of pain and sorrow, of desperation and hopelessness. It was over. Everything was over. It was true what he’d told Cami once, after all, that his entire life only revolved around her. But now, she was gone, and he didn't even understand why. He’d been so sure...

But now, it seemed as if the Gods had abandoned them, if not for that guttering spark in his chest that kept reminding him of her, cruel and unrelenting.

When Eret arrived at the stables, hours after the sun had risen, Hiccup was still sitting in his stall, unmoving, staring blankly out the small window, and registered nothing until his cousin’s broad hand touched his shoulder.

“Hey, Hiccup. You okay?”

Slowly, Hiccup turned to look at Eret, and forced a wry grin to his face.

“Hey. Yeah, I’m just… just tired, I guess. I’m sorry, I didn’t finish polishing all of your kit, but I’ll get back to that today.”

Eret gave him a scrutinising look, but nodded, accepting this explanation. “That’s fine, I won’t need it right away. But–” He paused, his eyes on Hiccup’s injured and bandaged hand. “What’s this?”

Quickly, Hiccup covered the hand with the other one. “Nothing. I cut myself, but it… it’s nothing.” At some point last night, the pain of the cut had eventually registered in his mind, but it was still too dull and unimportant to matter. All it did was remind him of her hands on his as she’d attended to the cut. Probably the last time he’d ever felt her touch… He swallowed, then made an effort to appear normal. “Anyway, what brings you here today? Don’t you need to do some training, or so?”

Eret still looked at him funny, but then shook his head. “Maybe later. But I came here for another reason. The thing is… I’m going to need my squire from now on. The hunts start tomorrow and then there’s the first small tournament in a few days, and… I already talked to father and we agreed that it will be safe enough now to keep these hotheads–” he nodded at the stallions, “– in a separate part of the main stables, now that the herd isn’t there anymore and there’s enough free space. They need to get used to that anyway. So... for the rest of our stay, you’re going to be my squire full time, which also means you’ll have to move; I can’t afford the time for you to hike back and forth to these stables. We could move to our townhouse, where there’s enough space for you to have your own room… but Grandfather’s staying there and...” he shrugged helplessly.

Hiccup needed a moment to wrap his head around what Eret had said. He seemed to be sorry for some reason, but Hiccup actually couldn’t see why. As much as he’d enjoyed the solitude of these outer stables during the past months, a change like this seemed like the best thing that could happen to him right now. It would keep him busy, would keep him from mentally tearing himself apart. It would keep him from remembering all the nights they’d spent here...

And then the rest of it registered. Oh. Right. His grandfather, who thought of him as a failure. Well, he was right, after all, but that didn’t mean Hiccup needed to hear it from the old prune.

“So what else is there?”

“Sharing a room in the squire barracks or the couch in my rooms,” Eret said apologetically, and then hastened to add, “It’s clean! I promise!”

Hiccup almost laughed – out of humour or despair, he had no idea. But he managed to keep the smile up. “The couch will do,” he murmured.

Something like a relieved smile played around Eret’s lips. “I’d hoped you’d say that. Dag and I already organised a trunk for your things and while it’s not an enclosed room, you’ll at least have a separate corner for yourself there. A little bit of privacy. Come, I’ll help you pack your things, then we can get the horses ready to be moved.”

Not having any reason to hold back, Hiccup got to work. His few possessions were quickly tossed in a rucksack – with Hiccup carefully avoiding a certain object hidden between the straw bales least Eret would ask unnecessary questions – before they turned their attention to the horses. All the while, Hiccup felt as if Eret was throwing him weird looks every now and then, but it never became so obvious that he felt like asking about it. To him, it wasn't important, and if Eret wanted to talk about something… well, then he could bring it up. Which he eventually did.

They had just started their way to the main stables – with Hiccup riding Chomp and leading Hunter at his side while Eret rode Squish and led Crusher – when Eret eventually broke the silence. "So… what do you think of these… new plans?"

Hiccup snorted. "What's there to think about?" he asked and tried not to sound as bitter as he felt. "I’m your squire and I would have needed to fully act like it by now anyway. So this is good, a change for the better.” Wrong! “And in case you meant the… the festivities... It's the King's right to entertain his people with hunts and tournaments and whatever else he's planned. It might even get interesting for us.” He forced himself to shrug nonchalantly in case Eret was still watching him.

“Yeah, interesting might be the right word.” Eret let out a deep sigh. “But that’s not what I meant. I mean this whole wedding scheme. I don’t get why Uncle Osmond thought that was a good idea. Or Daniel or my father, for that matter.”

Hiccup’s hands around Chomp’s reins tightened; it made him wince when the cut stung and the stallion snort in annoyance. Was Eret honestly asking him what he thought about her impending wedding? If he hadn’t been in danger to spill out exactly what he was thinking, he might have laughed. Instead, he just said, “Same answer. I don’t think it is my place to question the King’s decision. She’s going to marry one of these noblemen for the sake of the Kingdom. That isn’t really different from what was planned before, right?”

“True,” Eret admitted reluctantly. “But it still doesn’t feel right. And it’s certainly not right for Swanja! From what Snot said last night, she isn’t herself anymore. She lost her spark, her wit. He said she’d tried to appear unperturbed, as usual, but he saw right through her. All this must have hit her pretty hard; she was devastated at her birthday dinner. She wouldn’t even let us help or comfort her, for Odin’s sake!”

He sounded tense, worried, and Hiccup was incredibly glad that they’d reached a narrow path by now that wouldn’t allow them to ride side by side. It meant Eret couldn’t see his expression of soul-deep pain and self-loathing. Devastated… That seemed like an apt description of her the last few times he’d seen her. And it had been his fault.

Everything was his fault! And always had been… If he’d spoken his mind more firmly all those years ago, about not losing their connection to the Kingdom, his father might have stood up against their fellow tribesmen. If he’d acted more like the tribesman their people had expected him to be, they wouldn’t have been so openly against him being the heir to the High Chief’s title. If they hadn’t lost their standing within the tribes, his parents and siblings might still be alive and he would be a knight by now too. He could even participate in this competition for her hand as a ducal heir himself.

The thought was too good to be true, literally, and, unable to bear it, Hiccup pushed it aside. They all had thought they’d been doing the right thing back then, and reprimanding himself for it now, when he knew better, wouldn’t do him any good. Besides, he didn’t even need to go that far back into the past to pin down his mistakes.

He should have stayed away from her in the first place. The idea that, after all the things he’d messed up, his life could change for the better… this too had been too good to be true. Again, he’d made the wrong decision by becoming Eret’s squire just to be able to see her again, and now, she was paying the painful price for his impudence. Oh, he’d thought he’d been right back then, too. But the pain in her eyes last night was wholly and entirely his own fault, and any attempt of his to comfort her was bound to only hurt her more.

There was nothing he could do to help her.

Except…

“Don’t worry,” he heard himself say, oddly calm and composed. As if it wasn’t really him who was speaking. “What was is you said once? The Princess is a fighter. She’s tough. This whole wedding thing took her by surprise, but I’m sure she’ll accept it, eventually. She’ll come around and then you all can be there to support her when she’s ready for that.”

Eret grunted, but didn’t say any more until they’d reached the end of the narrow pass where he waited for Hiccup to take his place next to him. “You’re right,” he admitted, face turning to Hiccup, who was now focused entirely on keeping his feelings locked away as deep inside himself as possible. “But this is still different. Our fathers want her to marry one of us. How can we support her as her brothers when everyone is looking for signs as to who she’ll choose as her betrothed?”

“But maybe that’s the point,” Hiccup replied with a light shrug. “She was to marry one of you anyway, wasn’t she? Maybe it’s time to get over how you grew up like siblings and start seeing each other as what you are. An option. I… I think I know her well enough by now to say that she won’t spontaneously fall in love with one of those strangers her father presented to her. But a love match was never a likely possibility – for neither of you. And I remember what Daniel said on that first night we spent here, your accolade. He said that you would be good for each other, and… and I agree.”

Saying those words felt like a hungry beast tearing at the dead remains of his heart and soul. It hurt! But it was better this way. His own pain he could deal with, but hers? Not so much. And if it wasn’t within his power to help her directly, then the least he could do was send comfort in another form.

As they rode on, Hiccup was aware of Eret’s scrutinising gaze on him, and all he could hope for was that he wouldn’t see how Hiccup felt inside. But he didn’t say anything else until they reached the stables where a group of grooms quickly took over the horses to lead them to their new stalls.

“Hey, Hic,” he eventually spoke again once they were alone. “I know I offered to help, but… Would it be all right for you to get Markor and Cassie on your own? They shouldn’t give you any problems, after all. And I’ll take your bag up to my rooms, and…” he paused, grimacing, then shook his head. “There’s a message I have to send and I need to see whether I can find Dagur. Gotta talk to him…” He ran a hand through his hair, and if Hiccup wouldn’t be feeling so dead inside anyway, he’d be sorry for his cousin. It wasn’t only she who’d gotten thrown into this mess, after all…

But still, it was better this way.

“Sure,” he agreed with a sympathetic smile and a clap to Eret’s shoulder. “See you tonight then.”

On his way back to the outer stables, he wasn’t able to control his thoughts and emotions any longer though. He didn’t cry; after last night he didn’t think he had any tears left, but the pain still returned in full force.

It’s better this way, he kept chanting to himself. No matter how much the thought of her marrying Eret or one of her other brothers hurt, it was still the best option there was. She would have a good life with a husband who respected her as a person and not just saw her as an object, who cared for her. It might not be the right kind of love that connected them, but at least there was some form of affection, enough for her to eventually find comfort in her fate. It was all that was left for him to hope for.

And if she chose Eret… Well, Hiccup did feel sorry for him and Dagur. Even with knowing that their relationship couldn’t last, having it end this abruptly couldn’t be easy either. No wonder Eret had wanted to talk to his lover.

Once back at the outer stables, he concentrated on getting Cassie and Markor ready. It was a welcome distraction, and the familiar motions and the simple affection the horses offered gave him comfort, Cassie especially. She’d been with him for so many years now, had been his only support during trying times, and now easily adapted to his pain again. He took several minutes just scratching her and accepting her rubbing her nose to his chest, until something like a smile was back on his face. Not a happy but at least a content one.

The smile didn’t last long though, only until he entered Markor’s stall. The gelding directly looked up at his visitor, clearly hoping and then being disappointed as it wasn’t who he’d hoped it would be. The sight gave Hiccup a new sting, and he did his best to cheer the horse up by rubbing and cuddling his neck.

“I know, I know. I miss her too,” he whispered, hiding his face against the gelding’s warm fur. It was three days now since she’d last been here – a long time considering how often she’d been here during the past three months. No wonder Markor missed her, especially since he couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t come. “But don’t worry, boy. She’ll get back to you. You’ll see.”

Hiccup let himself feel comfort from the horses’ presence for a few minutes longer, before he got them both ready. He struggled a bit with which saddle to put on Markor, but then decided on the ridiculously decorated side saddle. It was the official saddle, after all, and he would need to ask Eret where to store the unofficial but more practical one.

When he was done, he let his gaze wander through the stables that had been his home during these past wonderful months, and gulped. Leaving this place for good felt like a sign. It was truly over, and their time really had only been borrowed, had never been intended to last.

He was about to leave when he remembered the one thing he’d left here before and hurried back to his former sleeping stall to retrieve it. If anyone was to find it by chance, it would only raise unnecessary questions. Hesitantly, he picked up the small swan-shaped oil pot. His chest was tightening – at the sight, at the memories, and at what it stood for. He’d been so grateful to Cami for this gift, not just because of why she’d given it to him but also because of what else it represented. He’d meant to keep it during the weeks and months of their separation, as a reminder and a promise for better times. The scent of the oil alone would have served to comfort him over missing her. But now? Now, it only hurt to look at it, the cool ceramic feeling as if it was burning his skin. All it did now was remind him of what could never be.

With a low suppressed sob, he stowed it away into a pocket, then left the stables without looking back. He tried to leave it all behind him as he once more rode down the path to the main stables on Cassie’s back, but his thoughts kept whirling around the pot and what it stood for. Why had the Gods abandoned them? He’d told her that maybe they’d been wrong, that they weren’t soulmates meant for each other after all. But he didn’t believe that, not really. She’d been right, he’d felt it too, the connection, their bond – and still felt it! All that had been real! And yet… And yet, the Gods had turned away from them, had separated them without leaving them any hope. Why? What had happened, what had changed?

A whirlwind of thoughts blew through Hiccup’s mind, thoughts that, in a way, added another layer of pain to his battered soul, but that, at the same time, made perfect sense.

It was all his fault.

With shaking hands, he pulled the pot back out of his pocket – leaving Cassie to find the way on her own – and stared at it. They’d gone too far... It made sense, now that he thought about it. This had to be what had angered the Gods. Them ignoring the rules, getting intimate before it was allowed. A part of him wanted to blame Cami for her support, for her assurance that it would be all right as long as they kept to certain rules. But Hiccup knew that wouldn’t be fair. It had been his decision to go further than he’d felt comfortable, than he’d been taught was allowed. He had ignored the rules he’d learned, had given in to his desire. He should have known better!

His breath became ragged as he kept staring at the oil pot and everything clicked into place. Them getting intimate must have angered the Gods. The timing was a clear indication. They’d gone too far, and before they’d been able to break another rule with their forbidden plan to have anal sex, the Gods had put an end to it. The timing was unmistakable.

It was all his fault!

A pained sob tore itself from Hiccup’s throat. Having lost her… that was bad enough. But now, he knew that it had been his own doing, that he should have known better. If he hadn’t been so foolish and selfish… their future would still be in reach.

Hiccup’s hand tightened around the pot – until it cracked. Without a warning, he was emerged in a cloud of intense mayweed scent, and it momentarily rendered him blind and deaf to everything around him. His mind got flooded with the memories he’d tried to hold back – of her smile, of her being in his arms, of burying his face in her hair and inhaling deeply. Of the flush on her face and her little gasps, of the taste of her skin, of holding her through the night. Of all the things that could never be.

With a pained and desperate outcry, he hurled the pot away. He wasn’t looking, didn’t care where it might land. He only wanted to get rid of it, to never relive those memories again. It was too painful.

But when he heard the splash of water, he looked up after all, puzzled. Without him noticing, Cassie and Markor had paused near the little lake that used to house her swans, and the pot must have landed in there.

How fitting, Hiccup thought bitterly as he watched the waves on the surface getting smaller and fading away. Eret had told him about the swans’ fate, how that, too, had hit her. It felt oddly right that this place now was also where all their hopes, dreams, and plans for the future were buried. Forever.

He stayed for a little while longer, gazing at the now-calm lake, and let the pain wash through and out of him. It was over, and there was nothing he could do but accept it.

He let himself wallow for a little bit longer, then forced every remaining trace of pain into a distant corner of his heart to keep it locked there forever. From now on, he had to function. Be it the upcoming tournaments and other occasions or the possibility of still seeing her regularly in case she chose Eret – he couldn’t let her or anyone else see his pain.

From now on, he wouldn’t let his emotions slip ever again.

. o O o .

A part of Astrid still clung to the hope that she would eventually wake up. Nothing seemed real; not the days she’d spent getting introduced to all her suitors, not the evening meals she was to take in the usual company of her father, the Grand Dukes, and their sons, and not the nights when she lay awake crying or too agitated to fall asleep until exhaustion took over. And now, she sat beneath a neat little pavilion, overlooking the fighting grounds that were decorated for the first of many upcoming tournaments, and still didn’t feel as if she was fully awake.

The whole setting was just… surreal. The sudden snow from the previous week had all melted by now, but it was still rather cool, and the practical part of her mind was grateful for her gloves and the warm cloak she was wrapped in – even as her heart kept recalling the warmer days from not so long ago. Around her, everything seemed dull and bland, colourless beneath the grey sky, except the brightly painted flags and banners everywhere which seemed completely out of place. It all just felt wrong to her. And the fact that the men in the arena beneath somehow believed that fighting each other would gain them her favour was just absurd.

Not for the first time, a pained outcry sounded over the crowd followed by a wave of whispers as one of the fighters fell to one knee and clutched at his thigh. Blood quickly stained his blue-and-green-coloured clothes in shades of red, and Astrid hoped that the blow from his opponent's sword hadn’t severed his main artery. It was quite possible that he’d not survive if it had.

The thought upset her even though she didn’t feel as if there was much left of her to be upset. She’d probably talked to this man during the past days, and now, he might very well be dying a pointless death. And the worst was that, if he died, he wouldn’t be the first and certainly not the last one either.

The first had been an accident during a short hunting trip two days prior. The man’s horse had been wounded by a misguided arrow from one of his companions, and the fall off his horse’s back onto the uneven ground of the forest had caused severe injuries – or something like that. Astrid only dimly remembered how the King and the other men had talked about it during dinner. It had been one of three deaths on that day, and since then, the body count had only climbed higher.

And as much as the small sane part of her mind despised these unnecessary deaths, she still had to admit that they weren’t unusual. Accidents during hunts happened. Likewise, injuries during tournaments weren’t uncommon. Many of the young men who participated considered the event incomplete if they hadn’t gotten a scar out of it. Once she had agreed with that bit of joking humour, but now? Now, she just felt numb.

So it was with a heart of stone that she watched the loser be carried off to the healer’s tent, festooned with Freya’s symbol. He wouldn’t be the last victim of these festivities, that was for sure. But as much as she loathed that thought… it wasn’t what really bothered her.

As selfish and as vile as the thought made her feel, she couldn’t bring herself to care too much for these strangers who had all come to haggle over her future as if she was nothing but a pretty adornment for their household. They had known what they were in for.

Although… with a strong sense of unease, she remembered the half hour she’d had to spend with Thuggory the other day. And even though she tried to forget his words, they still lingered.

“So here we are, Milady Astrid, in a close and intimate conversation, just like it should be. I hope you’re enjoying my company, because you’d better get used to it.”

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I will never become your wife. There’s nothing you can do to make me choose you!” It had been nearly the only words she’d said for days she actually remembered.

But Thuggory had only laughed. “Oh, you naive and stupid girl. You think I can’t force you to choose me? What if there’s nobody else left? What if I remove every other candidate until you see reason? You will become my wife, whether you want it or not.”

A shudder ran through her at that memory, and she quickly buried it in the depth of her mind. Thuggory could talk all he wanted, and chances were that he’d get himself killed. She didn’t even really feel bad for hoping for that outcome. But even that wasn’t what really concerned her.

No, what truly occupied her mind was the same topic that was ruling her every thought since the moment the King had made his announcement on her birthday.

She could see him standing at the side of the battleground, holding Eret’s substitute shield and sword ready in case his master might need them. It was the first time she’d seen him since he’d fled from her in the armoury that night, and even though she’d known he would be here, the sight of him had floored her completely.

During the last few days, her heart had… No, it hadn’t started to heal, but it had become numb. She’d refused to think about him, hadn’t let her consciousness dwell on what couldn’t possibly be true. He couldn’t have been right! This wasn’t the first time they’d encountered difficulties or misunderstandings, like when they’d first started to get intimate and he’d more or less avoided her for days. Back then, they had only needed some good advice and the chance to talk openly until everything was clear again. This was no different… wasn’t it?

Her eyes were burning, her lower lip starting to quiver, and she turned her attention back to the fighting men before she would burst out into tears in public. It will all be solved, she repeatedly thought to herself. We just need time to work it out.

But deep inside, she knew that this was very different from the little problems they’d encountered before. Because they already had talked. And it hadn’t solved anything. On the contrary, as much as she hated to admit it, the words he’d said to her at the armoury were not ones she could easily dismiss.

‘We’ve already lost.’

Yes, she’d refused to believe those words, but she also couldn’t simply dismiss them as wrong. No matter how much she wanted to ignore them or how much she tried to come up with a solution… she couldn’t find one. Maybe he’d been right after all...

This was another thought she’d vehemently ignored during the past days, but now… Seeing him standing there tore all wounds open anew. No, she didn’t want to believe that their shared future had been nothing but a pipe dream. But arguing against it became harder and harder, especially with seeing the utter hopelessness in his posture. Oh, he might be trying to hide it, to appear unperturbed and focused on his work – but she easily saw through him just like he’d always been able to see through her mask. She could see how much he was suffering, saw the pain in his hollow eyes. He’d said that he still loved her, that their feelings hadn’t been just their imagination. And yet, he’d clearly given up. There was no fight in him anymore, no strength to even consider fighting. He was broken, and seeing him like that broke her, too.

Biting down on her lip, hard, she gazed down at her hands, clenched into tight fists to keep them from trembling. So, what if he had been right? She’d tried her best to find a solution, but everything she’d brought up he’d warded off as impossible, and rightly so. And he who was so much smarter than her, who was able to think so quickly and come up with solutions for every problem… had given up. Slowly and against her will, the realisation seeped into her heart.

They’d already lost…

Once more, she glanced at where he stood and it felt as if her heart was breaking all over again. It was over, really and truly over. Her hand wandered to her chest as if to catch the shards and keep them together, but it was no use. A fresh wave of pain tore through her and it only got worse when she saw him grimace and mimic her gesture, his hand pressing to his chest as if he could feel it too. For a short heartbeat, he glanced up at where she sat and their eyes met. It was like a last goodbye, a last shared moment, the acknowledgement that he felt the same but that that didn’t change anything.

There was no hope left for them, nothing they could do.

. o O o .

The realisation left her feeling hollow, even more so than the pain of the announcement and his words had before. There was nothing left for her. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to hope or to fight for. All that was left to her was a dull and empty future with a man she didn’t care for while always remembering what she’d lost, what could have been. It was a frightening thought, and for two days, it was all she could think about, making her tumble deeper and deeper into her misery, until Ruff put an end to it.

“This can’t go on,” she exclaimed when she spotted the plate of once more untouched tea and biscuits. “I get that you feel horrible and I’m sorry, I really am. But you’ve got to eat! You can’t let yourself waste away just because that boy turned your head and broke your heart. No matter how much you might despise this and how little I like to remind you about it, you’ve got responsibilities.”

Astrid snorted, the only reaction that gave away she’d listened at all with her standing by the window and looking out over Lake Vola’s calm surface. Responsibilities… Yes, that was all that was left to her. Fulfilling the expectations placed on her, marrying to keep the Kingdom stable and popping out children for her future husband until her body gave up. It wasn’t any different from what she’d been prepared for all her life, but where before she’d accepted the thought with a certain composure and even a hint of pride to fulfil this duty, it now only made her feel dreadful. But who knew… maybe she would be lucky; maybe she would end like so many other women and not survive such a life for long…

She flinched when, without a warning, a hand touched her shoulder. “Milady, you’ve got to move on,” Ruff said urgently. It could have come across as cruel and cold-hearted, but Astrid knew her maidservant well enough. Most of all, she was practical. “I know it’s not easy, but you have to. You have a few hours left before today’s hunting party returns and you’ll have to welcome them back; how about you try and get on other thoughts until then, take a break? You could visit your horse; Tuff can escort you there. Or the herb garden? Maybe there are a few plants that already grow, or you could clean it up for the warmer days?”

Swallowing, Astrid closed her eyes. Ruff was right, and she knew that. She couldn’t continue like this forever, like nothing but an empty shell. Eventually, she would have to go on, to get over him. A tiny voice in the back of her mind was screaming at her that this was wrong, that she shouldn’t have to get over him, that they were meant to be… But she ignored it and hoped that, one day, the voice would disappear. So far though, it only threatened to tear her apart – the logical knowledge that they had no chance against the denial still simmering beneath – and she wrapped her arms around herself in a fruitless attempt to keep herself together. Suddenly, seeking distraction sounded like an excellent idea.

“Okay,” she whispered weakly. A slight frown crossed her face as she thought about Ruff’s suggestions though. The idea of visiting Markor was alluring, but even with him now housed at the main stables, he was too tightly linked to all those wonderful memories she tried to forget, and she wasn’t sure whether she could stand being near him yet. No, that wasn’t an option, and visiting the herb garden wasn’t an appealing idea either; it would only remind her of these last few days at the dead royal gardens where she’d been offered like meat to a pack of wolves. But what else could she do?

Something like a small smile tugged at her lips as she remembered another option, another place she could go and hide from reality, from who she was, and where she got treated like a normal person.

“Is Tuff ready?” she asked in a quiet but somehow steadier voice. “I’d like to go visit Fishlegs.”

Ruff reacted with an approving grin. She even went so far as to pack the biscuits and other pastries to take with her, even though Astrid felt odd bringing food Heather might very well have prepared herself as a gift. However, she understood that Ruff’s main motivation was her hope that Astrid might still eat something, so she didn’t say anything, and not even half an hour later she knocked on the door to her friends’ house.

There were grunts and the shuffling of cloth audible, even through the door, but it still took over a minute before a tired looking Fishlegs opened her. When he recognised her though, his face brightened. “Astrid! Now, that’s a surprise. Uh, come in, come in.”

He stepped aside and waved her in, threw a wondering look at Tuff but shrugged and closed the door again when her warder made no attempts to come in as well and instead stayed with the chickens outside. He hurried around on his short legs to which he owed his nickname, and picked up boxes and other stuff to make room for her.

Astrid hesitantly took the seat he eventually offered to her and watched him with a worried expression. “Is everything all right? Is this a bad time for me to visit?” she asked, a little self-consciously. She’d looked forward to coming here once the plan was made, but hadn’t spared even a second to think about whether her friends even had time for her. But Fishlegs directly warded her concerns off with a smile and a shake of his head.

“No, no, don’t worry. We were just taking a nap, but it’s time to get up anyway.” As if to contradict himself, he yawned. “Uh, sorry. ‘s been a tough few days, but who am I telling this… Still, it’s good to see you. How are you doing?”

Warding his question off with a grimace and a shrug, she began to unpack the parcel of treats Ruff had given her. She hadn’t come here to dwell even more on her situation though, so she directly changed the subject. “And you?”

Fishlegs gave a little shrug, then longingly eyed the biscuits. “May I?” He reached for one when Astrid nudged the parcel toward him without a word, and ate it with obvious delight. “Mmh, that’s good. Not sure when I last ate anything.” He took another one, and only continued speaking once it was gone, too. “I’m okay. Tired. Overworked. Usually, I wouldn’t take a nap at this time of day, but Master Mulch insisted on it. He claimed that I’ve been on my feet for over thirty hours – and the fact that I don’t know whether that’s true is probably proof enough. But there’s just so much to do! It’s like these men are actually out on getting severely injured. More than one even asked whether he’d keep a ‘cool scar’ out of it.” He shook his head and helped himself to another pastry.

Or others are out to get them injured, she thought, grimacing as she again remembered Thuggory’s sneer. She shuddered, but ignored Fishlegs’ inquisitive look. “So, what kind of injuries do you have to treat? Mostly cuts, I assume?”

“Aye. Or that’s my job, at least, while Master Mulch treats the more urgent injuries,” he nodded, then intently looked at her. “Do you remember how to treat such a cut?”

Astrid chuckled, surprising herself with the sound. It felt odd, as if her being happy was some form of betrayal. But that was a stupid thought; Ruff had been right in insisting for her to get distracted would do her good. And she also was incredibly grateful for Fishlegs to catch up on her mood so quickly.

“I think so?” she replied to his question, focussing on what he’d taught her. “First, you have to clean the wound, with clear water or maybe strong alcohol. Then you put willow bark tincture on it, for disinfection and against the pain. Depending on how deep the cut is, you might need to sew it shut with a good needle. At last, you cover the wound with moss to soak up blood, put a tight-enough cast around it, and threaten the patient with your eternal wrath in case they don’t give the wound enough rest to heal properly,” she recited Fishlegs’ former lesson – even though the last bit was her own addition. It had the desired effect as it made him laugh and congratulate her on still remembering.

They chatted for a while longer, with Astrid feeling lighter by the minute, until Heather joined them. She looked even more tired than her husband had, and gracelessly slumped onto the bench next to him. At first, she eyed the pastries Astrid had brought with a slightly wrinkled nose, but then shrugged and picked one to nibble on.

“Hey, love. Had a good rest?” Fishlegs asked, then jumped up, startling Astrid. “Wait, I’ll make you a mug of that herbal tea. Astrid, what about you?”

“Sure, why not,” she replied with an amused smile, then turned her attention back to Heather. “Lots of work for you too, I guess?”

Again, Heather shrugged. “Yes, but it’s manageable, all in all. Mostly providing refreshments for those watching the tournament and preparing and preserving whatever them men bring from those hunts. It’s not like the crazy increase of work Justin has.”

Astrid raised an eyebrow at her, which made the other woman chuckle.

“Yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking. I say that, but still, here I am, looking as if I’d been up for over three days straight.” She shook her head, a soft smile spreading over her face. “But I still say it’s not the work. I’m just kinda always tired lately. Maybe I’ve caught some bug, or so. It’ll pass.”

Before Astrid could reply anything, Fishlegs returned and placed a steaming mug in front of each. “So, here you go. But I’ve gotta leave you now. I’m sure we’ll get new patients once the hunting party returns, and I need to help Master Mulch prepare for that. Bye, Astrid. Was great to see you again.” He waved at her, bent to kiss Heather goodbye, and left.

Astrid reached for her mug, and hummed. She knew that the brew was too hot to drink it yet, but she could still enjoy the heat as part of the comfort around her, and she basked in it all, in this small sanctuary.

Until Heather brutally tore her back into reality.

“So, you’re getting married,” she stated.

It wasn’t a question, and when Astrid threw her a short baffled look before quickly averting her gaze she thought she detected a strange expression in Heather’s eyes. Pity, determination, and… satisfaction? But no, she certainly had imagined that last one, she thought and shook her head, chiding herself. She, too, was overly tired and exhausted, that was all. “Yes,” she breathed, the only answer she could think of. What else was she supposed to reply anyway? It wasn’t a secret, after all. Not anymore.

Heather watched her for a minute, quietly, and then sighed. “I’m sorry,” she said, sounding weirdly formal. “I remember what we talked about some while ago, and… Well, judging by how you haven’t openly proclaimed your love yet and your gloomy mood… I guess the one you had feelings for isn’t someone your father would approve of?”

Astrid pressed her lips shut, her hands around the mug tightening. This was not why she’d come here. She didn’t want to talk about this, about him, didn’t want to think. She wasn’t strong enough for that, not yet. “No, he’s not,” she mumbled weakly. “And-and it’s over anyway.” Saying it out loud, now that she knew it was true, hurt even more, and she hoped that Heather would drop the topic now. But apparently, she wasn’t that lucky.

“I see,” Heather sighed. “Well, again, I’m sorry for you. But this is part of what I meant, you know? When you asked me about how it feels to be in love and I told you to be careful? And it’s probably better this way anyway, that it’s over I mean.” She sighed again. “Gods, I sound heartless. I’d apologise, but what I wan– what I need to tell you won’t sound any better to you.”

Astrid wanted to make her stop talking, to order her if necessary, but she couldn’t find her voice. Unbiddenly, just thinking about him made images and memories flash through her mind, of his shining eyes when he smiled, of his touch when he cradled her cheek, of his warmth when he held her in his embrace. They flooded through her, leaving her powerless to rein them back in, and only Heather’s voice – even as it had caused this in the first place – was able to tear her out of it again.

“The thing is… I know that a marriage out of love is one of the best things that can happen to a person. But you are more than just an ordinary person! You aren’t just responsible for your own happiness, but also for that of your people. And even though I wouldn’t want to begrudge you a love match… I want to ask you to make a prudent choice. Please, think of your people.”

Astrid was trembling, but with the painful memories had also come the numbness of the last few days. As if her body and mind reacted on reflex, shutting down to ward off any harm. “What exactly are you asking of me?” she heard herself ask, her eyes on the little waves on the tea’s surface.

Heather gave a deep sigh. “I… I want to ask you to marry Dagur – or his horse-crazy boyfriend, if necessary. These two… with their impossible relationship and their refusal to marry and take responsibility, they’re a bigger threat to the Kingdom’s stability that those pathetic Malarians who can’t do anything but be an annoying pain at the border. Please, I-I’m begging you. It is within your power to separate them and end this selfish infatuation of theirs that so easily can turn half the Kingdom into chaos. Marry Dagur and give him an heir. It’s w-what the people need!”

There was a heavy silence once Heather stopped talking. To Astrid, it felt oppressive, like a thick blanket smothering everything; every sound, her thoughts, her movements, even the air to breathe. Only slowly, she managed to raise her head and to look at the other woman.

Heather was clearly afraid of having spoken her mind so openly. She was watching her with wide eyes, one hand over her mouth to cover it, the other wrapped around herself in something like a protective gesture. It was a funny sight, in a way. This woman, who had adamantly fought expectations and the people who had wanted to keep her in the place she’d been born into, was afraid of her, a powerless puppet who wasn’t even allowed to choose what she was wearing? It was ridiculous.

But Astrid felt too numb to laugh. Instead, she silently gazed at the woman who she’d thought of as a friend until now. “Thanks for the tea,” she eventually whispered, let go of the untouched mug, and rose to her feet to leave.

In passing, she heard Heather mumble another “I’m sorry!” but she wasn’t in a condition to accept the words.

Tuff looked up in surprise when she appeared next to him, but quickly caught on to her mood after he caught her expression. “Guess that didn’t go as Ruff hoped, eh? What a surprise… You wanna go back?”

Astrid nodded and mutely followed Tuff back to her chambers. And all the while, her head was spinning around what Heather had said.

How dare she? How dare she ask something like this of her? Essentially, it was the same thing the King had asked of her, the same he had suggested. But marrying Dagur – or Eret or Snotlout for that matter – that was insane! How could people even think of this option? It was ridiculous, and wrong, and simply impossible.

. o O o .

No matter how much Astrid tried to dismiss Heather’s suggestion as pure idiocy, the thought kept popping up in her mind at the weirdest of moments. Over and over, she mulled it over in her head, all the reasons why it was a stupid idea and could never work out. It was annoying – but she was still grateful for it. Thinking about this kept her mind occupied and prevented her from drowning in pain. At night, she was still helpless to the onslaught of memories, crying until she had no tears left, but at least during the day she was managing better now. And during dinner two days later, she was even able to pay attention to what happened around her again.

“Hey, Dag. Could you hand me the cheese plate?”

The question came from Snot next to her, and Astrid reacted without thinking as she reached for the plate that stood right in front of her and pushed it over to him.

“Uh… thanks, Astrid,” Snot grunted, clearly perplexed.

She gave him a nod and something like a small smile, then looked around into the astonished but smiling faces of her brothers. “What?” she asked, a little defensively. It wasn’t as if she usually was too proud to help either.

Eret’s smile softened a little. “Nothing. It’s just good to have you back.” She frowned, but he didn’t elaborate and she was grateful for that. She really hadn’t been here lately, had she?

With a low sigh, she reached for a bread roll and the cheese as well. She did it out of reflex, to not get scolded again for eating too little, and only after taking a first bite did she realise how hungry she actually was. Maybe Ruff had been right after all. Maybe it was time for her to accept the lot fate had dealt her and roll with it. As always, the thought came with a hidden, painful sting, but she refused to let it hit her, to even let the tiniest of thoughts about… about this topic reach her consciousness. She might be more composed now, but she certainly wasn’t strong enough for that. So when Eret addressed the older men at the other end of the table a minute later, she happily focused all her attention on their conversation.

“Uncle Spitelout? I know I’m asking this every night, but have you received any news from Daniel today?”

At that, Astrid looked up with real interest now. Whenever Spitelout was at the castle, he happily took over overseeing the royal pigeonry for the time being. She’d never understood his fascination with the birds, but then, everybody needed a hobby, she assumed. It made him happy and also meant that he was always informed about what kind of messages had left or reached the castle through the homing pigeons. And even with how twisted her thoughts about Daniel were these days, she was still eager to hear from him.

However, Spitelout, who’d just pushed his plate away with a clearly satisfied sigh, just gave a little grunt and shook his head. “Sorry, boy, but there still was no answer. The last time we heard from him was a week ago when he informed us that everything goes as planned.” He shrugged. “Beyond that, ‘No news are good news’. Besides, who knows whether your message has even reached him yet? My birds only fly to their nests in Westhill, after all, and from there a courier would have to be sent out to find him and deliver your message – and while we know where the Prince is supposed to be, itineraries in that region can be seen as little more than polite suggestions.”

“Looks like you’ll have to wait until he’s back, son,” Eret II added with an amused smile. “Just be a little patient, he’ll be back in two weeks anyway.”

Eret grunted, but didn’t ask anything else, and instead focused on his overly full plate.

Astrid had watched the short exchange with a bit of apparently obvious bewilderment, so Dagur, who seemed to have caught her puzzled look, now leaned over to explain in a low voice. “Eret sent a pigeon with a message to Westhill, a day or two after… well, after this whole mess started. I read a part of it and it was hilarious; a collection of not-very-nice insults and the repeated demand for what in the name of Hel’s pale tit Daniel had been thinking.” He shrugged, grinning. “To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if Daniel chose not to answer. I certainly wouldn’t. Either way, their next meeting is going to be fun. Chippy was fuming in the beginning, and I bet he’s still not entirely calmed down, though don’t ask me what exactly it was that had set him off like that. He didn’t even tell me.”

She threw a glance at Eret, and the tight grip with which he held his cutlery and the slightly troubled grimace on his face seemed to prove Dagur’s words true. It made her wonder. Sure, she didn’t have the most sisterly feelings for Daniel these days either; his knowing about this plan and not telling her felt like too much of a betrayal. But it made little sense for Eret to have the same reasons for his anger. She didn’t get the chance to further wonder about his behaviour though.

“I’ve got to agree, it’s good to have you back among the living,” came suddenly Snot’s voice from beside her, and when she turned to look at him, he had a wide grin on his face. “And since the kitchen provided us with this dish tonight... May I suggest you try this cold venison? It’s deer prepared after a recipe our chef in Westhill developed, and it is delicious.”

Perplexed, she watched as Snot placed a piece of the rosy meat onto her plate before she could even react. Then she grimaced, and shook her head. “No, thanks. No venison for me,” she mumbled. Snot couldn’t know her feelings there, of course. But she simply wasn’t able to eat any form of venison – or meat in general – lately. Not since her birthday.

“Snot, you really are an idiot, do you know that?” Dagur commented dryly as he reached over to pick the venison off her plate and devoured it whole. The sight made a small amused smile tug at her lips. Good manners weren’t exactly one of Dagur’s strong assets – and probably never would be.

Snot huffed, but didn’t further react to Dagur. Instead, he turned his attention back to Astrid and the cheese plate between them. “I’m sorry, how thoughtless of me. But… well, then how about this?” He cut off a piece of soft cheese with a greyish-yellow rind and held it out for her with a broad smile. “Father and I brought this on your father’s request; he liked it a lot the last time he visited Westhill. It has a rich and piney flavour that only develops when the cheese gets extra time to age.”

Hesitantly and with a slight frown, Astrid accepted the offered cheese, more out of reflex than of real interest. What was up with Snot? It wasn’t as if she didn’t know this behaviour from him; focussing all his attention on one person, being friendly and observant while more or less subtly advertising himself, his family, or his home. But so far, he’d never directed it at her! Was he actually flirting with her? He couldn’t be serious, could he? Surely, he had to be joking, overacting to throw it back into their fathers’ faces… right?

She looked at him, trying to detect something in his expression, a twitch of his lips maybe or an amused spark in his eyes. But there was nothing. Still trying to make sense of Snot’s behaviour, she took a bite of the cheese, but couldn’t help but grimace at the weirdly unctuous taste. “Urgh, sorry, but I think I’ll pass this one,” she said in as polite a tone as she could muster. She kind of appreciated Snot’s attention as it served as a good distraction, but it still left a strange aftertaste.

Hoping he would leave her be now, she wanted to reach for her glass of wine, but sighed when she found it empty.

“Here, let me get you a refill,” Snot directly prompted. He reached for one of the wine carafes at the end of the table, and before she could even blink her glass was filled again. “This one is another speciality we brought from Westhill, and if I remember correctly, you quite liked this one. ‘Rich-yet-not-overpowering berry fruit flavour surrounded with hints of cassis and cherry’ was your description, I think.”

Despite her annoyance at his renewed attention, Astrid couldn’t help but feel grateful, both for the wine and that he’d remembered. She tried a sip, and couldn’t help but hmm. The rich liquid tasted wonderful and made her relax almost instantly. Before she knew how, the glass was empty, and with a low, regretful sigh, she placed it back onto the table. She didn’t want to get drunk, couldn’t afford it, but the idea of getting rid of all her problems, if only for a few hours, was alluring. And the wine really did taste good.

So she didn’t object when Snot got her another refill, and didn’t even mind him directly diving into his next story about all the formidable vineyards they had in Westhill and how much more they could have.

With a resigned sigh, she settled on sipping her wine and tried to drone out his monologue. A part of her tried to reason that he certainly didn’t mean to annoy her into anger with his apparent flirting. Maybe she was just too over-sensitive and strained right now to detect the signs of joking.

Because he couldn’t be serious, right? He couldn’t be actually flirting with her. No matter what their fathers wanted, he was still her brother! But the longer the dinner lasted, the more plain his advances became and the more she wished to get away from him. Snot, like all of her brothers, had always been a source of comfort to her, but tonight she felt the opposite.

His behaviour reminded her of the impossible implication of her marrying one of them. Although, at least Snot didn’t seem to think it impossible, even though the thought made her shudder. Marrying one of her brothers… that was completely insane!

Wasn’t it?

 . o O o .

Right...Yeah, it still feels like not much has happened in this chapter, but it's actually been a lot, I think. Many little things, development, preparation...Sorry if it sucks...

And I promise this is still very much a Hiccstrid story!

*jumps back into hiding*

Next chapter