#i literally never boarded a train in my entire life

[saturdayjorrts]

i love the subway bosses from pokemon i wish trains were real

[mikerickson]

I worked as a poll worker for the first time yesterday

After the primaries in the summer, our County recognized that they had a poll worker shortage leading into the election this year and started putting out advertisements to bring new people in. I realized that I didn't know literally a single person in my life that had been a poll worker before and that it was something I had always taken for granted. With this looming shortage however, I decided to step up and do my civic duty because why not? After a three hour in-person training session and a two hour online training session, I was ready to go.

More under the cut because honestly some of these interactions with voters are kinda depressing:

I had only signed up to do a half-day shift from 5:15 AM to 1:00 PM because I figured I'd be wiped out and exhausted if I did a whole day. Well turns out that my replacement who was supposed to take up the evening shift never showed up, so I ended up staying. I got to the polling location (a local high school) at 5:00 AM and left at 9:30 PM, effectively working a 16.5 hour day with only a 1 hour lunch break. I'll get a $300 check in two weeks, which, hey, beats jury duty!

By law our polling center was supposed to open to the public at 6:00 AM sharp, but we were scrambling and not ready yet when the vote-before-work crowd started banging on the door. Very stressful start to the morning and we immediately had a big line that didn't dwindle down until about 7:30 AM. I unironically wish I had gotten there even earlier.

Our polling location had four districts, and each district had four workers (two to man the check-in table, one to operate the voting booths and ballot scanners, and one to float/rotate out every so often). I was paired with a man and a woman both in their seventies and a woman maybe in her mid forties, but they were all clearly uncomfortable with technology. Two of the other districts were also staffed by old people who just gave up at the first sign of a problem with a touch screen or a printer jam. I'm talking just a complete lack of problem-solving capabilities. I ended up running triple duty checking people in, making sure voters were set up in their booths properly, and doing on-the-fly tech support and troubleshooting. It felt rewarding multitasking and hearing, "get Mike over here, he'll fix it" over and over, but I kinda wish I didn't have to?

We only had two voters make a scene over the course of the entire day. During the morning rush right after opening a woman raised her voice asking why there was a line and stressing out that she had to leave to go to work soon (she stuck it out in line and then bolted out of there). Later around lunch time a guy at one of the other districts' tables shouted something like, "oh, so my dad can vote here but I can't?" He stormed out in a pissy mood shortly after, but I never got the full story of what was going on there.

I had one man who had recently moved and hadn't updated his registration with the board of elections, so his address didn't match what was on file. I explained that he could still vote if he did a provisional ballot, which is basically like a mail-in ballot that you put in a special envelope and leave at the polling station instead of taking it to a drop-off box. Apparently that was a step too far and he just said, "forget it..." and left. Seemed odd to me that he 1) physically drove to a voting location to vote and 2) waited in line to sign in, but that filling out a single sheet of paper was no longer worth it.

Once we were fully set up and getting into the flow of things most of the delays and reasons for lines were the voters taking too long inside the booths. It was basically a giant touchscreen monitor to select your choices, then you review everything one last time before printing a physical ballot. I had multiple people enter the booth and then wait about five minutes before calling for help saying they didn't know what to do. Also the second page/backside of the ballot was for the local Board of Education candidates, and this was really tripping up a lot of people. Also a staggering amount of people just did not see the giant "NEXT" arrow at the bottom right hand side of the screen. Poll workers are not allowed to enter the booth with them, so I had to do a lot of blind troubleshooting from the other side of the curtain.

Lots of men coming in with their wives and girlfriends and just waiting by the wall while the women voted but they didn't.

There was a smattering of young people, but not many. I did have to turn one girl away who recently turned 18 because New Jersey is not a same-day voter registration state. She was visibly bummed out and I felt bad about that.

Our oldest voter of the day was this ancient Polish woman who didn't speak a lick of English. Her daughter, who must've been in her eighties herself, had to sign a special permission slip to enter the booth with her mother to help. They were in there for a good 15 minutes, but luckily this was during a calm period of the day.

In terms of voter attire, we only had two Harris shirts and one Harris/Walz hat we had to ask people to cover up because that's not allowed within 100 feet of the polling station. Lots of Puerto Rico flags, and one guy had this obnoxious shirt of a coquí painted like the flag that I loved. Also had one man come in wearing a very sharp suit with the loudest red tie I've ever seen in my life who proudly shouted, "Let's make voting great again!" as he left after he finished.

One older Hispanic lady (I think she was Puerto Rican) had very broken English and had to do a provisional ballot for some reason. She was so worried she was going to do it wrong, but I walked her through it with my very broken Spanish and after about 20 minutes she was good to go. She was extremely thankful and gave me a hug.

I had one woman, maybe in her mid-forties, call me over to help when she was inside the booth. She asked, "why are there so many names?" I asked what she meant, and she started listing the down-ballot candidates in the other rows below President and Vice President. She said, "what is 'Senate'? What does that mean?" I explained to her that there were other contests to vote for, and after a telling pause she responded, "...okay..." Not entirely sure I got through to her.

One woman took her very young daughter into the booth with her and a few minutes later called me over. Her screen displayed a "USB device disconnected" error. I looked down and saw that the printer had been turned off. I asked how that happened and the little girl started laughing. Her mother was mortified, but I got them sorted out.

We had one teenager who we had to help insert her ballot into the scanner because her hands were shaking so violently. It was her first time voting and she was extremely nervous. I hope she's doing okay today.

Towards the end of the night this contractor with filthy hands comes in and he's clearly exhausted but wanted to vote anyway. We were shooting the breeze while he signed his voting authority and I said, "I bet I got you beat though, I woke up at 4:30 this morning." He looks up at me and deadpans, "I've been up since 3:30." I yielded and he laughed with me.

Our second-to-last voter of the day was some early-twenties guy who moseyed on in at 7:55 PM (polls legally close at 8:00 PM sharp) and said, "I heard this was going on today." Somehow he was registered and was able to get in and out in no time, but that was just such a casual remark to make that it floored me.

Our absolute last voter of the day was a woman who was on her cellphone the entire time trying to coax her husband - who was in his own car about two blocks away from the sounds of it - to hurry on over before we closed. I could hear him hemming and hawing over it, making some excuse. He didn't make it.

Closing the polls was equally as confusing and stressful as opening them was because there are a lot of very detailed ballot reports to print and specific zip ties with specific barcodes and serial numbers to close up the machines. We were missing a certain lock for the ballot bag that we was preventing all sixteen of us from leaving (no one can leave until all districts at the polling location are ready). Eventually I (because of course it was me) found it in a trash can; someone had thrown it out for some reason but no one owned up to doing it.

As we were leaving and all saying goodbye, some of the other poll workers joked, "see you guys in four years!" I pointed out that there are elections every year, and that in fact New Jersey has a gubernatorial election next year, and some of them basically said, "I didn't know that."

Overall a stressful but memorable day. Today I was talking to some co-workers that voted at different locations within my County (so using the same equipment I was trained on), and they were telling me stories of waiting between 45 minutes to two and a half hours at most. My location never got a line that bad, which maybe had to do with the location I got assigned, but it's also just as possible that me and one other guy around my age (shout out to Giovanni working District 27!) held our shit down and prevented that from happening.

It was a very long day that wiped me out. In a vacuum I don't know that I would want to do it again, but after seeing the incompetence of the standard ilk of poll workers and learning what was happening at other locations, I really feel like I need to. I'd rather these things be run by people like me than not.

[acciofanfics]

An Arrangement- Regulus Black (Part 2)

Pairing: Regulus Black

Warnings: Arranged marriage

Word Count: 2k

A/N: So here is part 2 to the rewrite of An Arrangement, I hope you enjoy! As always requests are open! I’ve been really into writing for Regulus so far so I’m open to any ideas!

The days following her engagement had somehow blown by and dragged on all the same. Her day-to-day life had changed minimally since; a fact that she found relieving in a sense, but disheartening nonetheless.

She’d imagined that the days following her engagement would be full of blissful love. That she wouldn’t even want to leave her partner’s side because she couldn’t bear to be apart from them. Instead, she had a fiance that she hadn’t seen since their “engagement party”, and to be honest she was dreading having to face him again.

It was nothing against Regulus personally. She just wasn’t quite sure how she was supposed to act towards him just yet. How do you converse with your fiance that you’ve had maybe two conversations with? What if he turned out to be an ass? What if he decided that he hated her?

She supposed that it wouldn’t matter either way. They’d already made an unbreakable vow. It was–as the name suggested–unbreakable. One couldn’t just change their mind after that. They were tethered to one another permanently; all for their families’ benefits. What those benefits were, they would probably never know.

She boarded the Hogwarts Express with much less enthusiasm than usual. She dragged her feet down the aisle until she found an empty seat.

The train smelled of warm vanilla, a scent that had become a comfort over the years; an indication that she was on her way home. The castle had always felt more like home than her own house, a feeling that was beginning to make more sense the older she grew. Her parents had been so eager to get rid of her, marrying her off to the highest bidder it seemed.

Students continued to file through the train cars as she found an empty compartment to slip into. She laid her head against the cool glass of the window, hoping that she wouldn’t be bothered.

Outside, many of the first years were saying goodbye to their families. Their mothers held onto them tightly as they cried. She wondered why her own mother had never been so affectionate. She didn’t think that she had a particularly bad childhood, but she couldn’t recall a time in which either of her parents had seemed remotely interested in her. She didn’t have any siblings that took their attention. They just acted as though they had no child at all.

She just wondered what her mother had received that was worth signing over her daughter’s entire future. Tears welled in her eyes, but she brushed them away quickly. She didn’t want anyone to see her cry. Word traveled fast and it wouldn’t be long before everyone knew that she had been bawling on the train, and she didn’t feel like answering any questions.

“(Y/N), it’s good to see you!” A familiar voice echoed through the compartment. “I was a little afraid that you might’ve died or something given that you haven’t responded to my owls all summer,” Geoff joked, though there was a slight accusatory tone. She wouldn’t say it, but she couldn’t help but think that she wished she was.

To be honest, she’d forgotten about Geoff and the promises she’d made to write to him over the summer. Geoff was a sweet Ravenclaw boy that had graciously offered to help her in potions the year prior, quite literally might have kept her from getting failing marks.

Geoff pushed his rectangular glasses up the bridge of his nose and pushed his shaggy blonde hair away from his eyes. He was the total opposite of Regulus, she noticed. Regulus was tall and lanky, while Geoff was more average height and stocky. He was still handsome–though she supposed that she probably shouldn’t say that given the fact that she was now engaged.

“Sorry, I’ve been…busier than I expected to be.” It wasn’t necessarily a lie. She might’ve been wrong, but she considered practically being forced into making an unbreakable vow to be substantially more eventful than anyone could’ve imagined their summer before their sixth year to be.

“Is this where you’re sitting?” Geoff gestured to the empty seat next to her. She nodded, hoping that her lack of verbal confirmation would deter him from wanting to pursue a conversation, though that would be asking for too much. “Well, I set up with some friends a bit further back, but I’ll tell them I’m moving. I’d hate for you to be all by yourself.”

“That’s alright, Geoff. I-”

“What she means is that won’t be necessary, Geoff. She won’t be sitting alone.”The familiar scent of mahogany and fresh parchment filled her nostrils.

Regulus had arrived so suddenly and silently that she hadn’t even noticed him approaching until he spoke. She supposed that it was quite similar to how he arrived in her life as well.

He plopped next to her, linking their hands before shooting Geoff a sly smirk. Geoff stood there, a puzzled look on his face before Regulus spoke again.

“Now, if you could leave us, I’d like to enjoy the train ride with my girlfriend.” She couldn’t help but internally wince at the word. It seemed quite diminishing to what their situation is. Granted, she couldn’t think of a more appropriate one. Fiance was too formal, they weren’t officially married, so wife wouldn’t work.

Geoff looked between the two of them, a flicker of hurt crossing his features before he regained composure. “Alright, I suppose I’ll see you later then.” Geoff straightened his back before rejoining his friends.

“That wasn’t very nice, you know.” She shot Regulus a glare. It was one thing to be forced into a marriage, but she wouldn’t be policed on who she could or couldn’t converse with. She hadn’t wanted this, and it wasn’t as though she could pursue Geoff even if she’d wanted to, so there was no threat to Regulus whatsoever.

“Well, I don’t generally enjoy watching others flirt with my future wife. I’ve never really been good at sharing, ask Sirius.” She didn’t give him a response, earning a huff from the brunette. “You’re right, that may have been a bit excessive.”

“May have,” she scoffed. “I think that might be a bit of an understatement. He’s just a friend.”

“Are you sure that he knows that?” Regulus raised an eyebrow.

“It’s not like you have anything to worry about even if he didn’t,” she retorted.

Regulus shook his head in annoyance. “I have something for you,” he said bluntly. He dug a small box from his pocket and placed it in her hand. “And before you freak out on me, this isn’t because of Geoff. I already thought of it.”

The box itself was small, but it felt as though it weighed about two tons as she turned it over in her hand.

“Thank you.” She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. A ring just made the whole thing more official. It made it harder for her to ignore and pretend like it was all just a sick twisted dream concocted by her imagination.

She flipped open the lid of the black velvet box and was greeted by a dainty gold band with a small stone sitting in the center. It was a beautiful ring, one that she surely would have fawned over had she received it under different circumstances. Looking at it, though, she couldn’t bring herself to be anything other than melancholy.

“I know it’s a bit forward, but I just thought that it might be nice for you to wear something that made you seem a little less… available.” Regulus looked at her, awaiting a response.

“And I suppose you’ll be capable of just saying ‘no thank you’ to any sort of advances, then?” She wasn’t trying to be rude, but it just didn’t feel fair. He garnered far more admirers than she did, and yet she was the one being forced to wear a ring representing the relationship that she hadn’t wanted in the first place.

A smile played on his lips as he took in her expression. He would find it funny. He’d seemed to find the whole situation thus far to be not that big of a deal. She wanted to hit him. She really wanted to hit him, but she refrained. It wouldn’t do much good to get herself expelled.

“On the contrary, I actually thought that it might be a nice statement for both of us, thank you very much.” He held up his left hand flashing a thick silver band on his ring finger.

She quickly averted her gaze, not wanting him to see her flustered. She also didn’t want to see the gloating expression that he was surely wearing at the moment.

“It looks like we’re properly engaged now,” she said glumly. She looked down at her own hand that now adorned the ring, symbolizing their bond–whatever that bond was. She bit the inside of her cheek, doing her best to keep her face from telling on her current inner turmoil. She was angry at the situation, of course, but at the end of the day, it wasn’t Regulus’ fault. He was most likely forced into this just as much as she was. He was just handling it with more grace than she was.

“Well, that was kind of the point.”

She rolled her eyes at his matter-of-fact tone. He was handsome, but that didn’t make up for the fact that his personality grated on her nerves. Every time she started to feel like perhaps he wasn’t so bad, he was able to completely run that thought from her mind with his sarcastic quips or general sense of entitlement.

The train started to move and she laid her head back against the window. Pretty soon, Platform 9 ¾ was far behind them and the mountains were in full view. The scenery was beautiful, and usually she was eager to be completely immersed into the landscape for the four hours that it took to get to Hogwarts, even though it was the same landscape that she’d seen for the past five years. She couldn’t appreciate it as much as she normally did, though. The experience dulled by her current predicament.

The train ride was surprisingly silent from that point on, Regulus offering little to no input. She found it to be quite out of character for him. She looked over to check if he was still there, and was greeted by his sleeping form.

Soft snores escaped from his lips and it wasn’t long before his head had slumped on her shoulder. She debated on whether or not she should wake him up,but she found him to be far more bearable when he was asleep. His hair smelled like cinnamon, she noticed. She liked it.

She found herself studying his features for the first time. She couldn’t really explain the feelings that she had. She’d found herself in the strange predicament of being engaged to practically a stranger, and while she did find him to be quite attractive, she didn’t love him, nor did she want to marry him. Maybe she would have, had their relationship started in a more traditional fashion, but with the current state of things, she felt forced. If she did grow to love him, there would always be that part of her that would wonder whether it was true or if it was because she was supposed to feel that way.

Regulus stirred beside her, drawing her from her thoughts. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled drowsily, sitting up. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“It’s alright, you only drooled a little bit,” she teased. He shot her a cross look, though his eyes held a bit of amusement. “I’m only joking, don’t worry. You weren’t asleep for long, only about a half hour or so.”

“Oh good.” He nodded, his demeanor still groggy. “Wouldn’t want you to think I was bored of you.” She wasn’t quite sure how to take that. Was he bored of her? It wouldn’t matter if he was, she supposed. There wasn’t much that could be done about that now. Though she still found herself a little bit upset by the notion, whether it was true or not.

[count-geiger]

alright guys i got a surprise class cancellation so i can tell yall about the stb dress rehearsal show last night and how it went. this is gonna be a long one grab a drink

no JUICY DEETS if you were expecting that. i am not a leaker and will never be. more like a gushy review than anything

so if you wanna hear about how will wood now knows about my university’s garfield club, feel free to read.

first of all, i can’t actually say much about the content of the show itself. sorry if that’s what you were hoping for but, if you’re going to a show on the tour, YOU WILL THANK ME LATER.

however i can say some stuff

like first of all: it is very much a kind of theatrical performance. no shit sherlock, you may be saying. okay sure but what i mean by that is that it’s not JUST a concert.

it’s very narrative based, that’s the most i’m going to say on it.

additionally, based on stuff ww said after the show while everyone talking feedback and such…

after the tour starts, PLEASE DO NOT POST SPOILERS ON TUMBLR!!! this is the kind of thing you’re going to want to see without any idea going in.

like it’s also very much a comedy show and knowing all the jokes beforehand will kinda ruin it.

so if you wanna post about the show on tumblr after you’ve seen it, maybe like. tag it or something. or put under a cut.

anyways i digress

the show was absolutely fantastic

genuinely the most wonderful i’ve ever seen in my entire life

i laughed my ass off, i cried a little, i thought way too hard about my own life decisions

all the things you’d ever want

it was NOT what i expected it to be. but it was even better than whatever i was expecting

so PLEASE take my word that all of you are going to love it.

okay that train of thought is over anyways

the vending machine at the studio only took ones (LITERALLY FUCK OFF THATS SO DUMB) so i spent most of the show with the driest mouth known to man

i’d had a sprite from said vending machine when i first got there because they also don’t have any water in it (????????) but not even like a whole can it got warm super fast

that’s just a random aside

multiple people complimented both my button down shirt AND the oingo boingo shirt i had underneath

including will’s girlfriend!! who is very pretty and seems very very nice.

she took our phones at the doors and checked our IDs and such and she was fine with the fact that i do not own a piece of ID that confirms my date of birth so that was cool.

the phone pouches we had were handmade by her apparently! they were really cool and she did a great job

anyways

i met will after the show after trying to offer feedback while we were still doing that that and stumbling through my horrific brain fog to say nothing of value because i was terribly sleep deprived!

me and jay (@jayjamjary) went at the same time

now some background.

me and jay are friends IRL, we go to the same college. people who both A. follow me and B. consistently read my ramblings in the tags will know this. but there are like three of those people AND i’m putting tags on this post so yeah

anyways we are both members of the executive board of the (officially recognized) GARFIELD CLUB at our university.

i am dead serious

and because the garfield club’s primary demographic is gay/trans autistic people, there’s a huge population of will wood fans in that club.

so jay brought two excellent drawings he’d made for the club, originally to recruit members, for will to sign.

because we have garfield show and tell contest on wednesday and we wanted to fuckin win

ANYWAYS.

these drawings, by the way, just happened to be of garfield being crucified and of garfield as hatsune miku.

will’s reaction to seeing these drawings was, and i quote, “what the fuck”

his reaction to the existence of the garfield club was, and i quote, “what the fuck”

both like a very amused, bewildered what the fuck.

he then signed them with possibly the greatest thing he’s ever signed ANYTHING and i’ll have to force jay to post them.

anyways

i also showed him a drawing i made for him, because i wanted to make a drawing for him.

he said my drawing was really really cool and he was really happy that i got his nose right because he never sees that

i was SO happy to hear that i was like ready to cry i was scared that drawing sucked

cuz i just did in the course of like a few hours while sitting at a random table in a big room on campus and all that whatever

but like yeah he called his girlfriend over she complimented it too

he signed it!!!

we took a picture and it looked a million times better than the two other pictures i have with him so that’s great

anyways

i’m trying very pointedly to avoid saying anything about the actual show because i want people to be able to go in blind

because *i* did and it was amazing

and i’m so glad that the show i’m going to is going to be super different apparently so i’ll ALSO have no idea what to expect from that

also, for anyone curious, i’m going to asbury park/halloween show november 3rd (and im going as young ford pines, specifically that time in tbob when he was possessed by bill, so if you see that there, that’s me)

anyways

man take shot anytime i say anyways

you’ll be fuckin dead

i had a great night, it was a spectacular show, you’re all gonna love it when you see it

[ficandkaboodle]

Papa’s Favorite Ghoul: Primo

Banner Credit Goes to @saradika-graphics! Word Count: 3281

Man, where do I even begin? I guess by stating that there’s two tropes I like: AUs where characters switch dynamics, and when characters or people go by titles that don’t traditionally align with their gender identity. Like woman kings or, in the case of Star vs the Forces of Evil, Jushtin the Boy Queen. Admittedly they’re more so applied to align with the importance placed on patriarchal and/or matriarchal power but we’re not getting into that. Nor are we getting into the kind of weird patriarchal traits of the Catholic Church the Church of Ghost keeps hold to — there are real-world explanations for them, I suppose, and this is fanfiction.

What we are getting into is my blending of the two aforementioned tropes to create this…Well, I guess it’s a series of sorts now because each character segment got too hefty to belong to one singular post. My bad. But I digress:

Somewhere out there, there is a universe where you were a part of the bloodline that has long reigned the Satanic Church as a dark papal dynasty. And now the title of Papa, for better or worse, has fallen upon you. You’ve trained your entire life for this — mephistophically, that is. But few things can prepare someone for dealing with ghouls more than actual exposure can. And now with the task of utilizing music to corrupt and recruit falling upon you, you’ll have plenty of time to become familiar with these literal hellions.

Don’t worry, though: If there’s one thing that has remained consistent throughout the millennia, it’s that a Papa almost always finds that one ghoul form whom they develop a fondness for . . .

You had not, in fact, been the one to summon the ghoul known around the Ministry as “Primo”.

He had been walking these unhallowed grounds since before you were born. A ghoul having an extended tenure topside wasn’t unheard of, but the implications set by his humanoid appearance of a very tall old man seemed to punctuate that point. Was he genuinely that old? Did he use a bit of ghoul magic to influence his appearance? You weren't going to ask.

Coupled with the way he carried himself, his presence commanded respect, something which the Clergy had been surprisingly willing to oblige despite his species.

Primo was, for all intents and purposes, the ideal ghoul: He had an intense work ethic, he was loyal, and he was tame enough to be of use while also posing a threat to anyone who did the same towards the Clergy.

Even something as simple as his horns seemed perfect for his position: The four horns of a Jacob sheep’s spiked warningly from his flesh, the perfect sort of horns for a ghoul of the Satanic Church to bear if there ever was any!

Even though his original summoner had long since passed, they never asked him if he wanted to return to the Pit. And, to their credit, Primo never expressed any desire to. It was that kind of dedication that endeared him so and kept him at the ready to be a conduit for the Old One’s message.

It was also probably the only reason why he’d involved himself in the “Ghost Project” you had recently proposed in a board meeting, even though he had made it extremely apparent that he did not see you as worthy of the title of Papa. If anything, he did so in order to keep an eye on you.

Primo had served many Papas in his time topside. Suffice it to say, you were nothing like any of them! Where your ancestors commanded their dark flock, Primo felt you merely timidly nudged them. Where the Papas of yore spat promises of the Dark One's ire and the rot of man, you seemed to more so focus on concepts of personal principle. Not entirely incorrect, but it certainly felt like a watered down method of leading.

Where was the damned soul made of brimstone and hellfire? Where was that penetrating glare that could freeze the doubters? All the old ghoul saw when you assumed the mitre was a soft-spoken slip of something or other that had fumbled their way through the bloodline. Had it not been for The Mark that paled your left eye, he might have more vehemently – more violently – questioned your ascension.

But the Clergy made no movements to dismiss or discard you, and Primo had never been one to take impulsive action. So here he began to find himself: Sitting at a drum set for rehearsals, battering away whilst his peers made fools of themselves as they writhed about, mimicking sexual proclivities or just plain goofing off.

But for as much as he would glower at them, his true poison was always fixated on you: You, who clearly just wanted the attention the Dark One was supposed to be receiving. You, who was just plain wasting his time – time that could be put to more use around the Ministry instead of spending hour upon hour listening to you warble the same cheesy lyrics, bastardizing unholy psalms passed down through millennia.

But he was nothing if not a professional, attending all rehearsal sessions, barely speaking unless it was to keep the more juvenile bandmates in line. Though more often than not, need only shoot them a sharp stare with those magma-red eyes of his and they would stop immediately.

That was all you needed when, surprised that he would pick something as raucous as the drums, you attempted to offer something not as physically demanding or requiring of too much movement.

You had meant nothing by it, of course. If anything, it was an attempt on your part to at least try and build a communication with one of the people (?) you would be working with indefinitely. Your peers and predecessors as a whole weren’t known for extending much kindness to the ghouls under their power; that was something you wanted to change during your reign. The rest of the ghouls, bandmates and Ministry-established alike, seemed to appreciate that well enough but Primo . . . Well . . .

Weren’t earth ghouls supposed to be less . . . intense? Stubborn and a twinge terse, perhaps, but usually they still had a bit of gentleness to them after a point. But then again, Primo was in a class of his own. Or maybe he’d just been a fire ghoul at some point? Might explain the eyes . . .

Really, though, the praise you’d heard regarding his dedication towards Papas past had yet to make any real appearance beyond him not taking you out. And perhaps volunteering to participate in your brain child, though you felt that was more so out of obligation to the Church rather than out of any real reverence.

Given how blatant he had made his dislike of you from the get-go, you decided to accept his (admittedly impeccable) drumming skills as the closest thing to respect you were going to ever get out of him. Much like the Clergy, you weren’t going to look this gift horse in the mouth too hard.

Your magnum opus couldn't afford it and for as confident as you were in the prospects of it, you knew you would need all the help you could get. Even if some of it came from an ancient earth ghoul who wished you would keel over so the next guy could take over.

If Primo could grit his teeth, then you sure as shit could to get the results you were looking for. Even if the results meant enduring painstakingly awkward rehearsals, right up until Ghost's very first performance.

Primo knew not to expect much in the way of venues. After all, bands that merely copied their principles never had an easy foothold in the world, never mind an actual band representing the Church. In the end, it did make the most sense to perform in lowly places, places inhabited by those most vulnerable and willing to lend an ear. Still: He had not anticipated this . . . “Whiskey a Go Go” place to be your debut. Oh well. The crowd here clearly looked susceptible enough; he could handle it.

He didn’t approve of you donning your chasuble for such an event but at that point, what did it even matter? He just needed to literally play his part and get this over with. Maybe then this tomfoolery could be put to bed and you would be reprimanded for wasting the Ministry’s time and resources, sullying their trust.

At least, that had been the idea when the first song was signaled in.

But as the setlist progressed, Primo couldn’t help but note how his expectations weren't being met. In fact, quite the opposite was beginning to take hold. Like how the words sounded different even though they were the same ones he’d heard ad nauseum.

Snippets and verses clipped from corrupt hymns made themselves right at home in the measures, something he’d internally protested the first times he’d recognized their presence.

Rhythms sounded more coordinated against the acoustics of the venue, far different from the way they resonated in the makeshift practice room back at the Abbey. This was what they were meant to sound like? Not a tangled mess of notes and words struggling and biting and fighting for dominance, but actual music stretching to the rafters? Huh. Who would’ve thought?

And all the shenanigans his peers had participated in – back at the Ministry, it seemed so juvenile, so distracting. They weren’t taking this shameful display with any kind of seriousness. But in that moment, the jumping, the showboating, even the gyrating all seemed right at home on the stage.

But above all else, it was the response to it all: Audiences loved it. They loved the words, the chords, the riffs, the "ghouligan" behavior. And, perhaps most of all, they seemed to love you. Who you were, in this moment, was far from whom Primo had been seeing – whom he thought he saw – in the pulpit and at rehearsals.

All that had been apparent child's play. Or perhaps they were simply the wrong environment for your fullest potential. Here, on the stage, you positively bloomed, transforming into something radiant, something filled with infernal fervor. A little hell flower decked in infernal regalia, your chasuble catching the stage lights like petals collecting sunlight.

During the few times you would turn your back to the audience and faced him, he could see it even from his furthermost position in the back: That fire he thought you lacked, blazing from your every pore, brightening your eyes and casting long, dark shadows upon all before you.

Primo had been right: You truly were unlike any Papa he’d ever served before . . .

From then on, Primo was to decidedly keep a closer eye on you. No more having the rug pulled from beneath him. Clearly you were like a mystery seed: He had no idea what your potential truly was, having not quite encountered something like you before. As such, you needed to be . . . studied. If at a distance, for now.

However, it's a bit difficult to go unnoticed when you're a 6'1" ghoul with large horns when out of a glamour. Never mind that you had grown so used to his stare being fixed on you that you always knew when it had reappeared. Only, you couldn't help but feel that something about it was . . . different. Somehow.

It was normal enough to feel them during black mass because everyone's eyes were on you. But to feel them when you would go to the library to request old tomes even most Clergymen did not seek; when you slipped members of the Children's Ministry candy to perk them up after a particularly boring Latin Studies class with Bishop Malicion. Even in what should have been the sanctity of your office, you swore you could feel those red-hot eyes affixed to your person!

But the heat of them was gone now, and hadn't quite been there since the Whiskey a Go Go. Instead, they felt more curious. Maybe like a cat? Ghouls were often likened to cats above all other manner of beast but Primo had only resembled one in the way he composed himself. A trait like intrigue just seemed bizarre to picture him exhibiting, let alone so obviously.

However, you were still Papa throughout all this: Best not to dwell on it and instead keep focusing on keeping your project afloat. You would deal with whatever was going on with old Primo later.

(Though you couldn't stop yourself from feeling slightly giddy at the possible improvement. Having him give you the slightest hint of a nod while passing in the hallways was leagues better than having him radiate bloodlust or disdain!)

Later, however, came quicker than you had prepared yourself for. In fact, it arrived one curtain call during the band’s slow creep towards notoriety.

In hindsight, the fact he willingly held your hand for the final bow should have been a sign that something about tonight was going to be different. Normally, if he had to join hands with anybody, he made sure to position himself at the very end so he need only spare one hand and with another ghoul. Being virtually in the middle with you would have required effort on his part.

But you were abuzz, the performance having gone splendidly with a highly receptive and interactive crowd. You were quite proud of yourself and your ghouls if you said so yourself. Maybe the energy that evening was just enough to make Primo feel less rigid than usual?

You’d only just risen up from your bow, ready to release his hand when you noticed that he himself was not letting go of your own. Odd, considering he’d done so with the other ghoul he'd been holding. You tried not to look perplexed when you spared him a glance; maybe something was wrong and he needed you to be on high alert? Though, no, that wound up not being the problem – in fact, there was no problem whatsoever.

He just needed to keep your hand in his so that he could raise the back of your hand to his mask – where his mouth would be.

It was a pantomime of a kiss, sure, but the gesture was still very evident. Screeches of delight erupted from the audience below as heterochromatic eyes widened against black paint, staring at scarlet ones peering through the eyeholes of a mask.

Suffice to say, what fans Ghost had already garnered had a field day. Soon, fanzines featuring the visage of their new favorite band's lead singer and drummer would appear in grungy coffee shops and to be swapped at both Ghost shows and shows of other bands. It wasn't Time Magazine but the marketing practically handled itself, and that was good enough for the Ministry to quietly applaud Primo's forwardness.

Clearly the Ministry's favorite ghoul knew what the people wanted and took it upon himself to stoke the flames to drum up further intrigue and popularity.

So surely it made sense to continue fostering this relationship, right? For the good of authenticity, of course.

It wasn’t long at all before you found yourself confiding in Primo, bouncing lyrics off of him. Lyrics turned into discussions, dissections of your faith’s principles and even a few misconceptions that most were too tired to correct at this point.

And he, in turn, used his many, many, many years of wisdom in his services to you.

Even divulging into his life before the Ministry, what little there was worth recounting. There was good reason he’d stayed up here so long after all: Life topside was just so different, so brightly-lit when compared to the Pit. Sure, he might’ve been built exactly for the life infernal, but that didn’t mean that a ghoul lacked a capacity for more.

The biggest example in his case was the garden he’d kept during his time here. It was almost funny: You’d walked these grounds for so long, so used to the presence of the greenhouse that sat towards the back of the garden. The brightness of the vegetation and bushes stood out from its darker, more gothic-leaning surroundings in an almost silly way.

Really, though, your only real interactions with that section of the Ministry could be boiled down to times spent in your office. The window there allowed just enough of a view of the little land below, one you couldn’t help but look at when the tensions in your poorly-postured back traveled into your skull, or when a delivery ghoul delivered more heaps of papers for you to look over and sign. (Suddenly, feeling Primo's intense gaze on you even when you thought you were alone made sense.)

Your path to the antipapacy was basically carved out for you, it ironically left very little room for extracurriculars such as gardening. But you could always count on catching a Sibling or earth ghoul or two, hauling heavy sacks of soil and carting that season’s harvest in a wheelbarrow.

Their decision to spend their time on such a long-term task that demanded constant attention and dedication was admirable to you. You could relate to focusing in on a project that would take time and focus.

And to see their efforts be rewarded with something brilliant and fortifying, something that caught the eye and could be used to nourish both the body and mind . . .

In way, perhaps seeing the hardships that produced flowers and fruit might have served as inspiration and motivation for your idea to entice the masses with music. Just a twinge.

To learn that the very things that refreshed you in your moments of exhaustion had grown under the same watch as the one that had once wished you ill initially amazed you. And amused you.

The idea of ever having been afraid of Primo seemed so silly now, you couldn’t even remember what the heat of his ire felt like. If anything, the pierce of Primo’s gaze had softened into something . . . Well, the proper words escaped you any time you tried to settle on one. "Passionate" mixed with "admiration", but still with its tenderness.

As it turned out, that warmth earth ghouls were often characterized with did exist in the old curmudgeon. It was exhibited as the years marched on and as you both grew closer.

It was there even in small moments such as this, with you kneeling in the soil, planting your umpteenth flower. You had learned under his watch years ago and no longer needed instruction, but it still felt lovely to share this type of thing together. Even after all this time.

A grunt escaped you as you wobblily stood back up from aching knees, another when you cracked your back.

“One of these days, Primo,” you sighed, “I’m gonna get down and not be able to get back up. You can just bury me here, then.”

It was a joke, of course, and you were totally prepared to not get a laugh from the old ghoul. Primo’s sense of humor, you’d long since learned, was as mysterious as it was strange. It was frankly a wild guess as to what would make him laugh on any given day. What you hadn’t prepared for, though, was the way the ghoul’s eyes stared back at you. You didn’t feel unsafe or anything, but you certainly felt . . . observed.

There was that curious cat vibe that had started it all from way back when. But, knowing Primo as you now did, you knew he was simply collecting thoughts. He would eventually reveal them to you in due time.

In the meantime, though, it served you better to shake it off. Supper would be served shortly, anyway.

“Remember to wash up,” you offered, standing as high on your toe tips as you could just to place a peck on the soft, weary flesh of his neck. To that, you received a quiet grunt typical of your partner.

As you left, though, Primo kept his eyes on you, tail thoughtfully swaying behind him. He remembered seeing you sparingly in your youth, which was impressive considering how unimportant you’d been back then. You weren’t Papa, you weren’t anything, really. You weren’t important to him.

But now, years later, here you stood: Wrinkles that weren’t there before were beginning to carve their permanence into your features, standing out even through your papal paints. Just the other month, you’d noted an increase in silver strands popping up in your hair. You sighed something about the stresses of dealing with the next projected tour or an onslaught of paperwork, but Primo knew that soon, more silver would come sprouting out at your temples. More than you’d probably bother dyeing, if he knew you. If he knew the people before you.

He'd seen this all happen before, many, many times. You may have been different from all other Papas he’d known, but all Papas were alike in this one way.

A heavy sigh broke him from his stagnation, and Primo began to trek back to your chambers to wash up. Before he even entered the building proper, his mind was made: If and when your time came, Primo would finally request to return back to the Pit.

[lonelyroommp3]

u dont have to answer this but i was wondering if u could elaborate on ur opinions about rpf -- bc i kind of agree with you that it's like, it's fine and it's not morally wrong or anything but it def is a little weird? idk ive never been able to rly explain my feelings about it so im curious what u think

honestly my main view on rpf (whether of the y/n self insert variety or the gay shipping variety) is it's literally fine as long as you're not putting it anywhere the people involved are going to see it. like when you boil rpf down to its bare essentials it is just fantasising about a famous person (or multiple famous people, in varying combinations), which is something human beings have been doing in their brains since people first started becoming famous. and i think expressing those fantasies through creative outlets like fic, art, 2013 polyvore outfit boards about going on a yacht trip with harry styles, etc is an entirely natural progression of that impulse

and in that way i sort of view it as similar to any other fantasy you might have about another human being: it is totally normal and essentially morally neutral, i hope you'd agree, to daydream about a person you fancy, whether those daydreams are PG-13 or heinously X-rated, whether they're a friend or acquaintance or stranger or celebrity. where it would become weird is if you went up to said person completely uninvited and said "hey, would you like to hear in elaborate detail about the things i thought about you doing to me while i was masturbating last night?" - and so i think the same applies to rpf. like obviously don't send your rpf to the person in question, don't show up with BLINK TWICE IF THE BABY IS FAKE signs to a louis tomlinson concert, archive lock your rpf on ao3, don't proudly post about it on websites that the people in question are active on especially in this age of algorithm-based social media where unless you lock your account you have no real surefire way of ensuring they'll never see it, etc etc. every time i see people talk shipping in the comments of an official f1 post a part of my soul dies

i think another big thing about rpf to me is that all celebrities are essentially playing a fictionalised version of themselves. no matter how authentic they seem to their fanbase, when you combine things like media training + PR/marketing obligations + building a Persona + the pressure of competing in a sport (for athletes) + the level of code switching inherent to being in what is essentially a public facing job, we as fans & observers are not seeing the real harry styles or taylor swift or charles leclerc or whoever else. we are seeing the version of that person that they want us to see (or, in the case of historical rpf, you're writing about a ghost reconstructed from fragments distorted through the lens of missing evidence, potentially biased historians, potentially even more biased first and third party accounts, etc), and so i don't really view rpf as inherently invasive because you're not really writing about the real person, moreso the constructed image of Celebrity Of Choice.

of course, that is not to say that rpf can never become invasive: the clearest example would be ship truthers harassing the people involved due to what they perceive as "evidence" of some great forbidden love story, but i'll be real there is a lot of F1 rpf specifically that i side eye from a distance because of how it will use drivers' intensely personal real life trauma as a plot point, which is a line i'm not really comfortable crossing with real living people, especially not when it comes to dangerous sports lmao. but i think that is an issue with some rpf enjoyers' boundaries and not an inescapable root problem with the very idea of rpf imo

[brb-on-a-quest]

If you send me photos of cute animals I’ll literally love you forever (ok my love is not entirely dependent on that but it would make me soooo happy)

*opens trenchcoat* *speaks with a gravelly voice* Oh you've come to the right place friend i've got the goods.

Ok so actually my house is always a menagerie at any given moment and its chaos and like I love animals and I love my family but I at the moment I can not wait to leave this whole zoo behind because things are never calm ever. Like we have five animals that live here full time and my mother has a dog boarding business so in addition to the main cast of characters we have a whole bunch of side characters that have stayed like a couple weeks sometimes? (Literally if you're looking for peace and quiet ever, you won't find it here).

Also got most of these for my phone and i can tell i am more cat person than dog person because I have two videos of the actual puppy, two photos of my other dog and like more decent photos of the cats. So let me introduce you to the whole main cast of characters:

^ This is Benji. Maltese poodle mix. We've had him since he was about 7 months old? Couple years old now and has started going into old man routine. He's very talkative and likes to make his opinion known and make sure that we greet every guest properly with due enthusiasm. Sorry to all the people who have been to my house and he's jumped on them we're trying its hard. He's currently in 4H Obedience club with my sister who adores him entirely (he puts up with her as he settles into his old man era). Fun fact about him: mans gets entirely jealous when any other dog recieves more attention than him (how dare they).

I actually don't have any good photos of Rosie (not named after @igotthisaccountunderduress, I swear but that's why I can only call you Iggy now), so take a video of our newest recruit! She's a three months old puppy? maybe four? idk how time works. She's learning a lot of things and mom's having a blast training her from scratch as we got her from a breeder rather from like a shelter as with all our other pets (my mother is obssesed with animals but wanted to do all the ground work of raising a puppy and making sure it was socialized/housetrained etc. Kudos to her because I could never. My mom is really awesome and I don't know where she finds time for this). Anyway she's kind of in her destructive menace stage still but also she hops around and it's really funny. We aquired this one after our old Corgi/lab/otherquestionable things (I just realized I don't have any pics of him) passed away from cancer. She is also the first female pet we have owned since I was a baby (mainly by coincidence I swear but it's just funny).

And now we get on to the cats. There are three of them so I'm going to start with oldest to youngest.

This is Zorro (my favorite) out of all the cats. He was acquired shortly after George when we found mice in one of our old houses. He put up with George, but after mom started getting more and more animals into the house Zorro became more and more fed up and trying to get out and away from all the whippersnappers so he's an outdoor cat now (don't worry he has an electrically heated house and is fed wonderfully and is still living his best life). He's also the only one who will actually sit on my lap and let me pet for long periods of time (I love him he's my favorite, when I move out for reals I kind of want to take him with me so he can get as pampered as he wants in his older years but IDK how much he would like adjusting back to indoor life again). He's very grumpy old man but like would die for him yk? Bebe.

This is Rocky (short for Rocket, although no one ever calls him that ever.) The reason he is called Rockey is that when we brought him home there was so much fighting and indecision over what we should call him (including much bribery and corruption when my dad tried to call a democratic vote -> one of my siblings tried selling his vote for a snickers) so we ended up just by calling him by the nickname he was given at the shelter. And it stuck. Rocky kinda forgets he is a cat sometimes and acts more like the dogs that he grew up around like by wagging his tail and like chirps instead of a proper meow. He also can never sit like a normal cat and I find him curled up in probably the most strangest positions known to man that can't be comfortable (i have a few pics but not nearly enough of all the ones he does)

This is Tigger. Tigger came from my Grandma tricking us into taking the psycho. Do not let his baby face fool you this cat is a menace to society. He was with a friend of my grandma's who liked antagonizing him and taught him to play really rough and maybe neglected him? Which is really sad because it taught him so many bad habits that means he is the menace that he is. Anyway, parents got him while I was away at college and adopted him on my birthday (when i wasn't there). But even though none of the human peoples like him all that much, Rocky does and also we would all feel really guilty about rehoming him because if we rehomed him he'd probably be euthanized or something because he's not a friendly cat. Or rather, let me put it this way. I think he's very friendly he's just too violently playful. His favorite game is hiding in like darkened corners and under covered tables and then jumping out and scratching/biting people (traumatized lil 7yo sis bc of it so she stays far away from him now). The funniest thing is that he'll still keep the baby face and he looks like he has no thoughts behind his eyes and the next thing you know he's clawing off your hand. We've been trying to train the agression out of him but it's really not as easy as training dogs.

like don't get me wrong I love murder cat (as I have dubbed him) but also I fear him and he knows it. However his eternal baby face gives me much meme material so he do pull his own weight around the house. He's also the only cat to have ever caught and killed a mouse inside. So we're grateful to him and glad he's part of our family but he's more effective than either of our dogs if a burglar breaks in. Actually, I should put the other pic here as well.

He may look cute but don't believe him. It's all part of his plan to get you in your sleep. (JK JK, murder cat, if you learned to read and are watching me as you sit behind me, please know that I do love you even though you frustrate me to know end pelase don't eat me).

Bonus: some very raw (still alive) baby birbs found by a friend of mine. Still alive as far as im aware. Also all of them are at my school so thankfully far away from my murderous pets.

[mako-neexu]

i feel sickkkk i listened to the song so many times i lost track literally crying rn the way Beyond the Gray Sky talks about such simple peaceful and happy times- of the present and the past and then not even half of the song later, it smoothly delves into "goodbyes"

(i think the full hasnt been released internationally yet but i am so. sick and unwell whenever i hear it. what is this? hassan of the cutting onions stop hiding???)

i am just so sad....like the first half talks about eating together at the rooftop and laughing alongside eahc other just gives off the vibe that its all so fun. its all so sweet and amazing to be with you, whom i love. this current moment where we are beneath that blue sky. i and you who exist right at this extremely rare moment where we are together. and with you, i have that strength to head towards tomorrow. like.... this is the "normal life" that fujimaru ritsuka yearns for and is experiencing "in this moment"

ghhh 😭the second phase + 2nd chorus absolutely turned me to dust and tears...

because there are two ways to interpret that one. (for me, at least)

this refers to guda, who has been submerged countless times in those depths of despair but that "unchanging feeling" for their wish is what drives them to stand back up again and again and now, as their Avengers escort them onto that train towards the future, they plead and ask, they look at their very first Avenger with tears at the edges of their eyes and ask, "Please tell me that this journey will still continue." as that was the very last line of the song.

the second half could also be interpreted as a love letter, a farewell of the Avengers- of dantes' POV towards guda because he's said it time and time again!!! that his accomplice is a star and therefore is light -> and before i inevitably lose my "light", i must teach them the meaning of revenge. but that star will never be swallowed up by the darkness, shall never be tempted as the "feelings and thoughts" towards their heartfelt "wish" will remain forever unchanged. So "tell me that this journey will still continue (towards that which you yearn for)." As you, my star, my destiny, my accomplice must reach for that tomorrow you long for. You on this brilliant path must walk forward. And us, your Avengers, shall push your back one last time.

heart hurts i have too many feelings.... i have to go back to interpreation #1 because im still unwell if its a guda POV.....because-

"I know. I know full well there is no such thing as eternity. these times wont last forever but if you're guiding me to board this train towards the future," they bite their lower lip as they tighten their hold on Dantes's gloved hand, as they shakily grip at the steel rail of the train's entrance door and hot tears cascade down their cheeks, they ask, with their voice cracking as they look back at him and their Avengers, these people that they love, pushing their back forward with a happy goodbye because they also loved them in return, and were doing this because they cared about guda so much, they ask with a plea, "At least tell me that this journey will continue."

("Because if this continues, then I'll see you again. I'll be able to see you again for as long as this continues... I'll be able to meet you one way or another- as this is not a final farewell. So please reassure me... that it will continue.")

("But I know there is no such thing as 'forever', but despite that, I still want to hope. I'll wait and hope for as long as I have to just to meet you and see you again. Just tell me, please tell me-")

arghhhhh still, this entire chapter also reminded us of that inevitable final "farewell" on FGO like....there are definitely times i hated this game but i loved it just as much..........

also, the way momoka (singer for this song) sings "even i know there's no such thing as eternity" (to these happy times/joyful memories of being together) just............................ im just so sad.....😭....... the way she conveyed it with such pain with that feeling of "of course- of course, i know that-! but even so. please. please, even so-" in her tone.........like guda's/the avengers' or dantes' feelings are just killing me i can feel myself really die inside from sadness 😭

and the feeling of the song as i mentioned previously is uplifting yet so sad... both the chorus give that feeling of "moving forward" with light and bright steps and it feels happy in the first one but in the last chorus, it felt like a "graduation song" and the overall song's feelings give it a vibe of "wishing 'you' good luck, filled with hope".....

and in the full CM: dantes speaks his famed line of "Attendre et Esperer", an answer to the song which becomes a song where "the Avengers give you one final push"

[kingedmundsroyalmurder]

Blue Castle Book Club Catch-up Post 2

"because she wanted to make one foolish, extravagant purchase in her life"

Okay, I see what Valancy is going for, but I do feel compelled to point out that her whole marriage has kind of been a series of foolish, extravagant purchases. She has bought herself many treats. Which, genuinely not judging -- I think Valancy should get all the treats she wants, and I love me a pair of cute shoes. It just also very much reminds me of when I want fancy coffee and go, 'I should get nice things once in a while too!' while deliberately not thinking about how I literally just got fancy coffee last week.

"Valancy always had a sense of stepping from one world to another—from reality to fairyland—when she went out of Port Lawrence and in a twinkling found it shut off behind her by the armies of the pines."

The fairyland motif reappears!

"She looked at Barney, hunched up beside her. His silence was very eloquent. Had the same thought occurred to him? Did he suddenly find himself confronted by the appalling suspicion that he was married, not for a few months or a year, but for good and all to a woman he did not love and who had foisted herself upon him by some trick or lie?"

I know Valancy is anxiety-spiraling here, and LMM is very good at portraying her mind running away with her with no regard for reason or logic, but I desperately wish that she had one friend she could confide in. Because literally anyone would look at what just happened and go, "Valancy, he likes you and he was worried you were going to die in a very upsetting and dramatic way. Yeah, he's shaken up about it. This is the silence of a man who is much more likely to be going 'oh God my wife almost got run over by a train' not 'Curse my wife, that lying hussy, tricking me into the marriage bed through fiendish deception!'"

But Valancy's one friend is dead, and she has no one else. So when her one social connection goes silent (and thank you to whoever it was -- @akallabeth-joie maybe? [ETA: found it! It was @purple-crayoner]-- who pointed out that the silent treatment was Mrs. Stirling's weapon of choice when she was mad at Valancy) she immediately assumes the worst and doom spirals.

A progression: "They had gone around the lake one June evening in their disappearing propeller" becomes "In silence Barney steered his boat into the sunset miracle that was Mistawis." Valancy is already writing herself out of their life.

And Barney, who has apparently never developed a coping mechanism in his entire life other than 'go silent and run away' (honestly: mood)... goes silent and then runs away. Honestly, my man could have left a note. A short "Gone out, don't wait for me to eat, may not be back until tomorrow' probably wouldn't have convinced Valancy that he still wants her around, but it is the considerate thing to do for a housemate, whether you love them or not.

I'm honestly finding myself running out of patience for Valancy's doom spiraling about Barney, but that's a me problem. I have spent a lot of time and mental energy teaching myself to believe people when they tell me things, largely because I have been on the receiving end of a couple, 'you don't really like me, you're just pretending to like me, I know you're just looking for an excuse to leave!' relationships. It's honestly kind of exhausting to manage. Again, I wish Valancy had just, like, one friend who could let her sleep over and be a sounding board.

But instead she goes to see Dr. Trent, who doesn't cover himself with any glory but makes some fairly understandable assumptions. You probably shouldn't call patients idiots to their faces though. Especially when it's you who made the mistake.

(Also, this is the USian in me speaking, but it makes sense that she wouldn't have sought a second opinion? Doctors are expensive and he was the specialist. This isn't a GP saying go see an expert, this is the expert saying 'here is my diagnosis.' Especially because the other available doctor, Dr. Marsh, isn't a heart specialist.)

[ultravioart]

Peepers you fool, of course Hater needs you! You’re his emotional support watchdog. (Seriously though, I love your deathglare ideas. Please keep them coming, I’m obsessed with these two awful awful men)

ALL ABOARD THE HATE TRAIN!!!! WOO WOO!!! thanks tho LOL I get shy about posting my death glare rambles, but I really do love these two goobers. emotional support watchdog is hilarious. Perhaps Hater is Peepers emotional support front man lol, Peepers absolutely has a "DO IT FOR HIM" board with pics of Hater that he looks to for motivation. Something about this silly ship just fills me with inexplicable joy, fr. It can be cute or sad or uplifting or a tug of war. So many scenarios, and it brings out interesting facets of their characters and what they represent. If Wander is Love (fueled by self-love=true love), and Hater is hate (fueled by self-loathing), then Sylvia might be... tough love? Or how it's tough to love, but love is strong/love makes you strong? And Peepers is ...puppy love? or how a person can fall in love with hate, relying on hate to give them strength? etc...?

I think it's notable that Peepers' and Hater's issues seem to mostly stem from their environment, with Peepers having a harsh home life offering little love, and Hater most likely waking up with no idea who/where/when he was, with no one to teach him how to navigate such a scary world. Dejected and abandoned, they STILL managed to find each other in this big, lonely universe and become a part of a great, terrible thing Together. Lonely, together. Broken, together. Dorks, together. Hating others, together. Loving each other, in their own ways, together, and no one else has to know! Hurt people hurt people, but sometimes hurt people find each other, and perfectly fill in each other's gaps. It's a bit sad, and certainly not the healthiest, but for a time those two had real hope between them. A hope for a better life than what the universe currently handed them, a passion. A love, or what they could muster of it. Peepers was the very first person to see just how GREAT Hater truly was, and that makes Peepers special. Peepers struggles with feeling insignificant and forgotten, so I think he takes great pride in knowing he's special like that. I imagine even if Hater never admits it, Hater will always cherish that about Peepers, and to think Hater maybe kept Peepers around all this time bc Peeper was the first person to truly like him...? Yeah. yeah. And maybe that's why he believed a little watchdog when that said he could get the WHOLE UNIVERSE to like Hater too? yeahyeahyeah And yeah.... evilly, but still!!! Peepers is special in that regard. And as I imagine that's a big place of pride, I also see it as a place of anxiety for Peepers. Peepers is nothing without Hater, at least nothing remarkable. And Peepers seems to have a fear of being replaced/losing Hater. Because sure, Peepers was the FIRST to see Hater as the greatest, but it could have been anyone else in the universe in his place. Peepers was just lucky enough to get the opportunity to be the first. He feels lucky every single day.

And that's why Wander is such a threat. Not just to evil schemes-- that one's obvious, but to Peepers' very significance.

Hater is his everything, in both an emotional and literal sense. Without Hater, he's nothing, just another insignificant, forgettable, teeny tiny watchdog in a sea of eyes that only look down on him. But with Hater he's big and he's strong and he's everything he's ever dreamt of, others finally take him seriously and others actually look UP to him and... ...and Wander is a better friend, a better mentor, a better companion, and can love Hater in nearly the same way: authentically. That probably scares the bajeebus out of Peepers. It's one thing to lose the empire, heck even his job, but to lose Hater?

I imagine Hater and Peepers, though at first glance one sided, have this two-way street to their relationship: they don't entirely see each other as a person, instead they see each other as a part of themselves. A piece that is deep down truly scared, angry at the universe, ambitious... worthless. Yearning to be loved because it's so hard to love yourself and wanting to be someone's everything because you are utterly nothing. "Who would ever love a loser like me" meets "Who wouldn't". And a super genius stays silent so his very first fan can feel big and mighty for being smarter than the greatest in the galaxy. I think something that I am particularly empathetic towards is that they both embody common insecurities within boyhood/manhood. Wanting to be the "cool guy" and "popular" because loving yourself is really hard. Fitting in is hard, "friends" are hard, dating is hard, girls are confusing, and boys are scary, and society too often labels being authentic as "uncool" so there's a lot of posturing or acting like a jerk to compensate for lack of confidence. Or the insecurities guys too often face of not being strong enough, big enough, tall enough, manly enough, not being taken seriously enough by peers. "If only I was bigger, taller, cooler..." It's all rubbish and what really matters is who you are on the inside. Sylvia learned that, and Peepers has yet to learn that. Lastly, I really do think Peepers pours all the love he can muster into Hater. That includes self-love. Because Lord Hater is everything Peepers wishes he was and isn't, so how could he NOT love that? That in turn does make Peepers a bit possessive and dismissive of Hater's feelings. Good fuel for aus that explore character development..... (I'd also like to think, since Hater was weak to lil bits' googoo eyes, that Hater has a soft spot for cute things... and Peepers is pretty cute. Perhaps consider turning a weakness into a strength there, ey Peepers?)

[casliveblog]

Custom Toonami Block Week 168 Rundown

Spy X Family: We’re back to the two vignette format which I’m not the biggest fan of but what can you do. Becky wants to seduce Loid despite that being illegal for several reasons and heads over to Anya’s house to both accidentally flex her wealth and steal Yor’s man. Anya’s surprisingly on board with Operation Bed a Married Man Eight Times Your Age because Becky is rich and flashes through a montage of how cool having a rich six year old for a mom would be. Loid is just asking questions for spy intel shit cause you can never have too much of that but shenanigans ensue and Yor of course comes in and freaks out initiating a high-speed chase down the street when she thinks she’s gotten Becky sick. It’s funny because not only are the adults oblivious to the plan but like they wouldn’t take it seriously even if they knew, SHE’S SIX. Becky eventually learns to respect Yor’s strength and see her as a kind person and potentially figure out some polygamy shit I guess because now she’s just trying to prove she’s strong so Loid will like her like Yor, that makes three women trying to have a shonen tournament for this man’s oblivious affection. Speaking of which the second half of the episode is Fiona running around doing Loid’s makeup work while he’s on the cruise ship and going through a full-ass training arc to beat Yor that I’m absolutely sure will make zero difference next time they meet.

Inuyasha The Final Act: A lot’s going on in this episodes and we’re juggling like four different plotlines because The Final Act decided to say fuck it to the drawn out storytelling and be like let’s get this shit done, it’s like reverse filler. Kikyo has taken Midoriko’s soul to once again extend her fleeting life by a bit longer and reveals what I assume to have been her plan all along with purifying Naraku’s soul with the completed jewel which is why she gave him the half the jewel back when Kagome had a bunch of shards before Shard Inflation occurred, like I think she’s making a bigger deal out of this than it has to be, Naraku’s not completely invulnerable despite what she says even without his heart and there can be and are other ways to obliterate him on a molecular level but at least seeing her game plan now makes some of her previous actions make more sense. Since Kohaku has what is ostensibly the last shard standing and isn’t able to make nice with the group reminding him of his crimes, he decides to go with Kikyo and go all in on the complete the jewel plan.  Meanwhile Koga undergoes his trial to obtain the Goraishi and finally catch up with the power creep that hit like a hundred episodes ago like Koga was essentially power crept from his introduction but I do love him and the Goraishi is one of my favorite anime weapons so it’s cool to see him be the first of Final Act’s ‘oh yeah other characters besides Inuyasha probably need upgrades too’ list. Last but not least, Kagura is running from Naraku which seems kinda pointless since he literally has her heart in the palm of his hand like I don’t think it’s like cell phone signal like if she just gets far enough away from it, it won’t work. To prove this point Naraku just teleports in front of her and fucking gives her the heart back only to stab her full of poison a second later and be like ‘cool story bro, enjoy the freedom, all five minutes of it’. Meanwhile meanwhile, Sesshomaru is fighting Moryomaru and fucking breaks the Tokijin over his head and spoils the ‘imma steal all his energy’ that is every Sesshomaru fight because they made Sesshomaru way too strong so every fight has to revolve around trying to steal his power. Still once he’s done he rushes to where Kagura is to at least be with her as she dies, telling her as much that he came to see her which is a frightening display of honesty and openness for Sesshomaru, like their relationship kinda came out of nowhere idk why Sesshomaru cares at all about her at this point and I’m not entirely sure when Kagura’s infatuation turned from ‘he’s a strong guy that can beat Naraku’ to ‘I think I kinda like him’ but it’s a good moment, like maybe it’s better paced in the manga but I do like their dynamic as the only two that really understand each other precisely because both are so guarded. Also like that Sesshomaru just tells Inuyasha that Kagura was at peace when she died instead of like ‘bitch it’s not my job to stop your women from dying’ like he did with Kikyo on Mt. Hakurei.

Castlevania: Now that all of the preamble with Dracula is out of the way, we get to our hero…ish guy, Trevor Belmont, who introduces himself as the best fighter in the world while getting his shit kicked in by a bunch of drunken nobodies and still somehow coming out on top. He makes his way around getting scraps of food and talking to marketplace people D&D vagrant style, it’s kinda funny how this kind of conveys how people in video games walk around talking to people to see what the plot is better than the Shenmue anime which is like they actually animated the video game. But yeah in classic anime hero fashion they find someone being picked on by assholes and proceed to… gruesomely dismember them, okay that’s not usually how that works but I’ll roll with it. Apparently these dudes are part of a monk-like sect his father knew and they’re kinda just chill dudes but the Church is like ‘motherfuckers the peace monks did this shit’ when Dracula comes despite the fact the church literally did this shit. And these guys are just hanging around being persecuted out of the goodness of their hearts and also because the elder’s grandkid is down looking for the Jesus-like soldier guy that’s supposed to come stop Dracula-type shit from happening, so minor conflict of interest but being the pragmatic-type hero Trevor is he just wants the peace monks to get the fuck out of dodge so that they’re still around to save anyone that’s left to be saved once everything inevitably goes to shit because if the hordes don’t get them, something more dangerous will: Catholics.  

Jujutsu Kaisen: So yeah as expected, Megudad wasn’t Edo Tensei’d just to fight Ino and then go back, turns out he’s pulling a Madara and reversing the revival and taking control of it himself because the series is really having fun with the ‘the body is the soul’ thing which basically means whatever the plot wants it to mean but they literally said a few episodes ago that it will mean whatever the plot wants it to mean so I can’t really blame them. The next most pressing issue is hand-holding guy is going around killing all the Middle Managers and he’s finally reached the two we know, Kento manages to save Ijichi and Nobara is protecting the blonde lady but hand-hold guy manages to get a blow to her jaw which I feel like ‘a blow to the jaw rattles the brain and temporarily paralyzes you’ is fiction’s new favorite fun fact about fighting because I’m seeing that around a lot lately. Shame because I feel like this guy vs Nobara would be a pretty evenly matched fight but Kento comes in and demolishes him for murdering all the mook Middle Managers. Sadly he’s not dead and as things get worse in this arc I feel like not double-tapping all the random bad guys is gonna come to bite someone in the ass but everyone’s safe for now. I don’t know how to feel about Nobara’s part in this fight because she always seems to get the ‘not now, the big boys are playing’ moments and the only reason she’s not dead is because hand holding guy is a fucking moron but the only reason she was even in trouble was because he got ridiculously lucky so idk I guess coincidences cancel each other out. Also Yuji’s come face to face with Blood Man who’s pissed his less humanoid brothers got murdered by Yuji and Nobara so that’ll be something to deal with next time. Also Mei Mei’s fighting Smallpox or something idk.

Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End: Before I begin with this episode I gotta say this is like the chilliest anime in the world like the pace is so slow and no one talks above a light tone and I think it’s an interesting way to portray the way Frieren views a slow and quietly changing world where milestones aren’t large but simply pass by one by one. Frieren is continuing to train Fern to shoot her rock and passes by several years with Heiter, enjoying an amount of time with him that she didn’t get with Himmel even if it is short and near the end of his life. Fern expresses that she wants to be fully trained by the time Heiter dies so he doesn’t have to worry about her and he can go knowing his decision to save and take care of her wasn’t in vain. It’s funny because we get to see both sides of this as Heiter’s doing this as a final act of goodwill in Himmel’s spirit. Turns out the ominous grimmoire had absolutely nothing in it as expected but unexpectedly Heiter knew that and was using it as a stalling tactic to get Frieren to train Fern to the point where Fern can join her on her journey without being a hinderance, like I feel like once Frieren got like 90% of the way through translating the grimmoire and there was no immortality she was probably safe in the assumption they weren’t gonna sneak it in on the last page but it is a cute little flip on that. Heiter tells Frieren to take Fern and go so she doesn’t have to watch him die but Frieren says fuck that shit she’s done missing out on time with people she cares about and having improper farewells on their deaths so she stays until the bitter end. Frieren and Fern then set off to… not really do much of anything honestly, Frieren seems like the kind of person that would get all the Korok seeds in Breath of the Wild you know, she’s a completionist and wants to get every kind of spell she can which is interesting because it seems magic in this world is made through a combination of fundamentals and culture so you can almost homebrew magic like messing with the source code of the mana which actually sounds really neat if that’s how it works and she can just get spells and make new ones no matter how small and simple some are. One day they come across a statue of Himmel and fix it up and Fern wants to create a spell to summon his favorite flowers from his hometown but no one’s seen it in years, so they fucking search for six months for this fucking flower which probably ranks up there as one of the most tedious sidequests of all time. Now the conflict here is kind of interesting since Frieren is now traveling with Fern she can’t just dump a decade into finding one thing for a side project she’s been working on, but also Fern has to come to understand Frieren as well and why she does things the way she does. There’s no explosion of frustration or anything they just legit quietly talk and end up figuring out a way to find the flower once all is laid bare and that’s kinda neat and it also means Fern has the patience of a fucking saint because most people would be done with this shit by now, Frieren also never really gets mad about it despite that wound likely being very fresh and her getting a little obsessive about doing something for Himmel and being a perfectionist about it HAVING to be this particular flower, I could see an alternate drama-filled version of this episode in a different writing style. The note we end on is also really nice with Frieren nothing that Fern and her both got into magic not really for any grand reason but because for a combination of enjoying it and it connecting them to people they care about, it was the choice they made, sort of reminds me of the ending of Soul, it’s more pleasure driven than purpose driven since this seems to be a show about making your own meaning out of life.

Vinland Saga: So Canute sends his rudest men to go tell Olmar to fuck off so he can kill one in a rigged fight and they can arrest the lot of them. Funny thing is Olmar STILL almost loses the rigged fight and then Thorgil gives him a pep talk to complete the rigging and then murders the rest of them which kinda ruins the plan because Thorgil’s a fucking sociopath and murders all of Canute’s guards rather than go to jail which idk why they didn’t have that stone throwing guy give Thorgil some wounds while he was murdering everyone like the guy’s basically Bullseye from Daredevil and he let the situation get completely out of hand. It’s funny how Thorgil’s like ‘yeah we murdered five to ten people but we had no choice, they were talkin’ shit’ and like really puts a fine point on how stupid this whole culture is and why Canute’s trying to change it. Also Olmar does not seem to be doing well with the reality of being a murderer even though it was almost an accident, like kid’s a little screwed up but he’s not a sociopath like his brother. Either way the three of them get away on Leif’s ship so Leif can go see Thorfinn and Canute is ready to bring war to Ketil’s farm.

[idealspawn]

i think its probably good that he is on his 2 week europe trip. we made plans for after his trip so i feel secure. he told me he trusts me. i trust him too. i was afraid i dont trust myself not to disconnect w my feelings but i think its fine now. i therapized myself out of it :d. i think we both need breathing room. i also need to get sober for a while, fuck. that has def messed me up. we met up one last time before he left too and he took pics of me w his film camera. he is convinced that im photogenic though im not.... he taught me how to use the camera too! we also visited a local church and listened to the organ music there. it was beautiful. ive been massively inhaling therapy videos on how to self-regulate and allow breathing room in a relationship. also how to maintain a distinct identity whilst being together with someone. it has helped me immensely. i also have actually returned back to my hobbies and read diff essays abt my personal interests like philosophy and religion and the art of translating literature. i rediscovered old video games i used to play w my sister, that is insanely healing. ive drawn a lot and listened to lots of new music and made new cool playlists. i watched some anime too! ive met up w my friends that i havent seen in such a long time and ive been such a great host. i invited my 8 girl friend group over and we made spring rolls together and mojitos and got high and played cool board and card games. it was so refreshing. i also invited my closest friend over and we went riding w bikes at night and climbed on the walls surrounding a manor near my home. not sure if legal but we also jumped in their backyard and ran around. it was so beautiful. we also did lots of other fun stuff. i saw poppies! my fav flower. also bats!!! the reflection of the moon on a river was so beautiful. it was so nice that my sister came over for a day too. i saw two of her friends briefly too and they were so nice to me! today ill be going out of my comfort zone a fuck ton too. my friend is hosting her bday party in her countryside home that is far away and i havent even figured out my transportation back. i will stay there for 3 days. loose ends like that used to freak me the fuck out but i think ill be fine. its an old house so it doesnt really allow me to follow all my insane rituals but i think i need to train myself to be okay w it. most ppl are sleeping in tents but i can be in the house bc i literally dont have a tent but that also probably would make me panic a bit too much. too many new things at once isnt good either i think. im actually doing fine. its nice. surprising that ive done things and im doing things and i havent died although most of my life ive literally feared i would. like not yet discussing why i shut down when the guy im seeing tried to be intimate and postponing it for after his trip.. i used to NEVER be able to do that. like i couldnt for the life of me sit w the uncomfortable emotion. like my entire life used to stop until i could regulate through the other person and vocalize it. but now ive just like. organized my brain. and self-soothed myself and i feel safe that he wont immediately leave me just bc of one difficult situation with an ambiguous meaning. and that the issue can be put on pause and when he returns we can talk about it.

[unholy-fabray]

When Glee was still airing and I was actively watching the show, I could not STAND Rachel. Like I tuned out every time she was on screen, I was fully on board the Rachel hate train online, etc.

Then something snapped in my brain - or maybe I just got older - and during my recent rewatch of the show, I find myself deeply sympathetic for her as a character.

Setting aside the behind-the-scenes controversies, I think the on-screen character of Rachel Berry gets a little too much hate. I'm sure I'm reading way too much into this ridiculous show, BUT here are some Rachel Berry thoughts I have:

From a young age, she has been wholly dedicated to a very specific goal and encouraged/enabled by her dads to base her entire identity and self worth on this one dream which she then pursues to an abrasive, off-putting degree and is bullied for being "that theater kid". The way her dads handled this almost reminds me of pageant parents, ngl.

Glee is notorious for having it's characters do problematic shit then never really addressing it or calling them out on it, but I've noticed Rachel is very often called out on her bullshit. I know people like to say she gets everything she wants, but (Lea Michelle + RM bts issues aside) Rachel catches a lot of shit in the show - she's just really determined.

Her birth mother breaches a legal contract, manipulates minors to weasel her way into Rachel's life, forcing her into meeting only to REJECT her outright. Shelby describes how she dreamt this moment would go, then basically tells Rachel, "you didn't live up to my dreams, bye". How traumatizing wtf!

Not to mention: Shelby adopts a new baby and lingers around Lima, Ohio where she can continue to traumatize literally every kid she comes in close contact with (Rachel, Quinn, Puck) - but I digress, that's a topic for another post...

Rachel is a teenage girl who is routinely told she is unlikeable and unattractive - even her own boyfriends make comments that put her down compared to other girls. In addition, her satisfaction and pleasure is never considered when it comes to the physical aspects of her relationships (this is a running theme for female characters on this damn show).

On a similar note, Rachel is shown to have very low self esteem and is compensating through her ideas of stardom. She genuinely believes that she is nothing without her singing voice. She has been bullied all her life because she's weird and loud and she comes from a nontraditional family.

Idk man, the way Finn treats her* and the shit with Shelby and how Will + her dads just enable her problematic behavior really makes me sad for her. I think it's easy to forget these characters are teenagers and are so impressionable.

*Rachel also treats Finn badly, I'm not denying that

Anyways, she's a very flawed and at-times aggravating character, but I see her in a different light than I used to. I've developed a sort of soft spot for Miss Rachel Berry. I can better understand why she is the way she is (whether that was intentional or RIB's part or not, idk).

[bonesandthebees]

Strings!Techno my beloved. Actually all of them, but Techno dropping how insane everything is because he’ll get to blow up a government building is killing me. Also the fact that he’s so prepared. What was he planning? Niki is also a mood. She too, is way too on board with blowing shit up. Jack is the only sane one, but who can say no to a little bit of terorism?

Now I’m really curious who Phil was switching with. Was it Kristin? Or was it just a random person? It’s funny that Phil has known for a while. He’s probably able to tell. I wonder if the coffee was a test. How much milk does Wilbur put in his coffee? Either way, Phil has already semi-adopted Tommy. Probably because he trusts Lady Death and the strings so their has to be a reason. Maybe he also knows that you get a life you really want and Tommy clearly just wanted a family.

Also, the end of the chapter took me a bit to figure out, but I suppose the idea is that Wilbur switched with Tommy, so while Tommy is in Wilbur’s body in the past, Wilbur is on Tommy’s body in the present. So you know, suddenly your entire town has been destroyed and you don’t know where you are or what happened. Good fun. You really like putting Wilbur through the ringer.

Speaking of which... I KNEW IT. I didn’t expect you to actually make them talk though. Or more like the universe. It makes him talk to a Tommy that doesn’t remember him and then it throws a comet at him to kill him. Damn. Or in this timeline he suddenly ends up on a mountain looking at his flooded village. Someone give him emotional compensation. Like Lady Death is trying to fix it, so it’s a good thing Wilbur won’t remember.

-🌲

LMAO i'm so glad you liked that bit bc that was a very early thing i came up with when i was planning strings. I was like "oh techno would be so down to blow up a government building they wouldn't need to convince him of anything else." and niki's anarchist tendencies are also shining through as she finally gets an excuse to put her demolition knowledge to good use. poor jack.

regarding phil, although I didn't include it in the fic I'd like to think he was switching with kristin when he was younger :)

you know i was so tempted to say "yeah the coffee was a test!" but I can't bullshit that I didn't even consider that I just was describing how I take my coffee in the morning (just milk). however, that's a very good idea so if anyone else asks me I'm gonna tell them that was intentional and phil was testing tommy with that /j

phil pretty much got his suspicions confirmed on the day tommy, techno, and him all hiked up to the shrine and tommy started asking him about the strings connecting people who had never met before and all that jazz. so he's had it figured out for a while, but when 'wilbur' woke up and suddenly started shouting about the town getting destroyed, that's when phil decided to confront him about it.

and yeah, phil trusts the strings quite a bit so he knows if this kid is connected to his family, then he's probably a good kid who is connected for a reason.

yes that's exactly what the end implies! you'll see tomorrow but yeah, wilbur is in tommy's body three years in the future with the town being destroyed. he's not gonna have a good time when he wakes up.

YEAHHH YOU GUESSED IT. we'll get a bit of insight into wilbur's thoughts on seeing tommy on the train next chapter, but yeah the poor guy has literally had such a rough time of it.

[frankiensteinsmonster]

VENT POST About my Job don't mind me

🥰🥰🥰 reporting my dickwad manager for fucking yelling at me for rules I did not know and causing me to have a panic attack so bad my entire body hurt and I almost passed out

All he had to do was be normal and tell me to put my phone and headphones away even though I had worked basically my whole shift, meeting multiple Other managers and having zero fucking problem

But instead this man who's never interacted with me before. Ever. Decided to fucking yell at me with no context and then when I had a panic attack, hyperventilating and nonverbal, has the fucking Audacity to crowd around me and try to ask me what's wrong and shit?? Eat shit.

And when some other managers (??) came over to help me, bc I can't fucking breathe and I'm shaking and shit. THEY have the fucking nerve to vouch for him and be like "ohhh he's not usually like this! Ohhh he thought you were trained and knew the rules, we have some people who are really stubborn and so blah blah blah" and I was like?????? I've never spoken to this man in my Life, I don't even know his Name. If this is the way he treats people that needs to change across the board. That's Not how you talk to your employees!!!!!! I told them I was incredibly disappointed with the treatment I received from this dude and asked them if they had training on how to handle disabled employees and they said they didn't know like HUH?? That was supposed to be rhetorical but now I guess you should suck my dick because that's Fucking Bullshit what do you mean you "Don't Know"??

And tHEN these people start trying to warn me about another guy who's particularly stern and I'm like??? So this is something that happens often enough that there's specific people you can point to and good These Folks Are Rude and they're In Charge Of You. Fuck off! I'm reporting that I'm not going to sit here making a dollar and change under the living wage where I live getting treated like shit at a basketball game where I was Doing My Job Just Fine. Fuck you I'm NOT doing this shit. Fuck you, I literally don't know what else to say. You don't get to treat me like this, you don't get to treat Any employees like this. You don't own any of us. I have a panic disorder. And maybe?? Make sure you ask someone something more than once before you decide you're fucking pissed off that them. You dick.

[itsmeyaboidreamoftheendless]

The Winchesters is just about how war affects children, huh? 

John: The very start we see his PTSD and he has several panic attacks several times. He was 17 when he joined the marines. I saw some say it was because he’s just a violent person and I disagree with that, I think that John was searching for some sort of structure that he lacked. Also considering he was raised by a single mother in the 50s-60s they probably didn’t have a lot of money and couldn’t pay for him to go to college (friendly reminder that women weren’t allowed to have their own credit cards until 1974, 2 years after the show takes place and 4 years after John enlists). The US military loves to boast that they will pay for peoples college if they enlist. When John gets home he’s immediately thrown back into another war. He is never given time to adjust back to normal life. 

Mary: She was told her entire life that it is kill or be killed. Her parents never comforted her, never told her that they could protect her, they told her that she needed to protect herself. And this isn’t because they know about the supernatural. When John says he’d afraid of the monster under his bed Henry doesn’t give him a weapon or train him to fight. Henry tells John that he knows how to trap the monster, letting John know that Henry can protect him, that John doesn’t have to worry. Henry wasn’t going to tell John about the supernatural until he was ready. Samuel and Deanna didn’t they told Mary everything before she was ready. They dragged her into a war that she had no choice but to be apart of.

Carlos: He had no intention of being part of the Vietnam War but he had no choice, paralleling how he became a hunter, he had no choice. Carlos has a very similar experience to my grandpa. He was also in the Navy during the Vietnam War except he was on a submarine looking for other submarines. Same as Carlos he was looking for something that was looking back at him. Carlos knew about the supernatural before he went into the Navy, there was some part of him that was used to knowing that there are things watching you in the dark, but there weren’t monsters watching him in the dark like he was used to it was just other people. They were just as scared as he was. This is where Mary’s war differs between Carlos and John’s because they weren’t fighter monsters, things that were objectively bad and trying to destroy the world, they were other people and to them Carlos and John were just as much monsters as they were to Carlos and John.

Lata: She’s a pacifist because she saw what war did to her father and didn’t want to be like him. She also saw her country quite literally be divided. Lata talks about how war affected her country and that war is obviously Partition. She is Northern Indian which is confirmed in episode 3, it’s not said what part of north India she’s from but she would have still grown up very close to the Pakistan-India border or Bangladesh (then East Pakistan [even though the show takes place in 1972 and Bangladesh became independent in 1971, it would have still been East Pakistan when Lata still lived there])-India board. Lata was most like not alive in 1947 when Partition happened but was still a witness to it affects when she was born sometime in the early 50s.