#i literally dont have happy memories so im not the person to write a eulogy i cant im not the right person
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Eulogy
#soap spoilers#okay so now my aunt who was gonna write the eulogy backed out because shes 'sick'#99 degree fever#anyway they asked me to write it but i cant#like im not the person to write it for my father#i have no good memories of him i tried thinking of some on monday when it was pretty clear he was gonna die#but i couldnt#i really couldnt#all i ciuld think of was when he got cps called on us because my broyher said he hit him but it was a secret#or how he yelled at me for falling off the sea wall and thats how he showed he cared#or how he snapped his phone in half because he wanted a new one and thought my mom would get him one if he did that#i have no good memories eith this man#if i push and pull i can manipulate memories into at least okay memories#i can say one time (when i was 16) he asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up (he was drunk one weekend)#and we talked about science and how he wanted to do that but then life took a different course#but theres so much pruning their its deceptive and for what?#ive been hurt so much vy him#i dont have stories about how he walked through a blizzard to be with my mom or whatever#i literally dont have happy memories so im not the person to write a eulogy i cant im not the right person#he did so much fucked shit to me and wasbt there for me in so many ways thst i cant even. pretend to have good memories#maybe yhey happened maybe i was there for skme of the good times but i dont remember so it doesnt feel like thats true you know#apparently at one point he was getting treatment and was doing good but i was too young to remember#my sister maybe does so you know she at lesst got a dad thatvwas better#but i cant pretend im not bitter and jealous abd mad avout what I never got how he bever apologized or changed how it didnt feellikehecared#so no im not the person to write a eulogy for him so dont try to make me it wont go well all that will happen is i will get mad abd cry#so lets not and say we did or whatever
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