#i literally am only using it to look at the admin channels

[post-shift2]

Somehow was mistakenly given admin powers in the secrrt Post Shift discord? I have not said anything to mods bc I am entertained by this.

[iamshay]

Shady people and cheating system get ahead

I find it very interesting how a person even himself says he is nobody and he tries to gaslight and makes me think this thing until I saw he still abuses and always views botting be on the front page I have told admin about this and yet they said it's not viewed botting when his chat so fucking dead. kick got so many people viewing botting and a lot in the community knows about this is a huge issue where nobody gets verified who the fuck will target u then. it's just an excuse even though he says he just figure out how these things work aka is code that someone helping them view the bot cuz they know the coding. You literally nobody and suck dick get verified and all his friends along social got verified while they never put any work into it.

you bet ass right I am going to be very transparent about this fact they are so fake same with baba he doesn't even stream and got verified cuz of his youtube shit sub. I have been on the platform fact they whisper into staff ears and I am not getting am going to tell everyone how so much unfairness going on with kick and shadiness. I have so many people come to me about these people that view bot and they told admin. I have already told admin about this I am you don't fucking need to be Albert Einstein. know he views botting and he does it every day just to get featured. I used to be a mod for him and social i drop 10gift on zovo and social 20sub and later they shit on me and go around talking shit.. So waste a single dim on them they just fucking kids and nobody gets ahead by cheating the system. Social got banned on twitch because of racist remarks. he constantly attacks female hustle and goes to their stream to use them for clout and later he attacks asmr content because he fucking jealous they naturally get views without a view bot. its disgusting how sexist these boys are. I am telling you you can go look for yourself. Check their chat, same people, spamming even if u do @ in chat u only get those people in chat rest of the people do not even show in chat it just views bot so they get ahead. since we don't have a view list on the kick but if u stay for a while and do this sign @ < as u tag some u can see the people actually are real viewers pop up and count them to see if that is accurate with their view number. U will see how fake their viewership is.

i have just heard names by multi people who won't mention their names just to protect them. They told me there is someone called basil that knows how to do coding and they are friends with these boys and he is helping them. Rember u see a screenshot even himself saying he was nobody and got verified. clearly suck dick to get it also if you nobody who the fuck will target u to viewbot. unless your buddy basil helping u with view botting. Whole community knows its the reality they everyday view botting and they constantly drop name in verified channels get their bodys they dont check quailty i already was transparent with staff and i told i will speak about this matter they can ban me and purposely dealy to verified when i bene on platform since december and actual make content when these people just sit on chair and hate on other people content trying play feds when they the doing the crime by viewbotting which against the rules. but since they got staff friends and they look other way.

This is not a good look for kick. the fact they just choose to ignore this big issue and they know the name and they choose not do something about it. the fact his narcissistic gaslight ass try blame on fucking live bot which is only for commands live bot got nothing to do with viewership it is only for commands in streamer chat. its like night bot. It's just livebot someone name basil know how to do coding that kinda shows and hint. he is right he nobody cuz i never fucking heard about who tf was zovo are. Even on twich. its clear that they are cheating they all ban on twitch for good reason too. its not like other got an injustice ban but these people actual like social was justice for racist remarks. now he is bitter and hate on twitch etc. igypc is only someone that was someone in twitch was injustice ban for stupid thing. She actually had a lot viewer and half them are from twitch. We both got mutual streamer friends that we network with.

am telling these people come to me are verified and they aswell know these people cheating the system. she got to kick exclusive most subbed on kick. along Roshtein. I been on kick since December. All these weirdos that view bot all of them dick-sucking hard get that verified. i reach out about my checkmark long time ago now they so busy with the app takes time. while i am helping my fellow streamer get their stuff right. I am helping a lot people behind scenes reach out to staff about them pitch streamer names and move them over. Don't be fooled this guy is view-botting. u can investigate yourself and check his chat one day how it fucking the same people spamming. 600 views and only few people typing now today he was front page again he does this every day. same with social and other friends. baba and others.

If you have nobody u nobody to anyone to target your ass!!! You suck dick to get that check mark. I can easy suck and use other people get ahead but i can't relate to people known around twitch if use them for clout i would probably be bigger than pokimane on god i would. But people know me as someone that kind and networks with always there to support them. I don't care i will drop names so people are aware they fucking being cheated and it affects everyone on kick they get pushed down cuz some losers cheat the system because they suck bring content they dont get naturally get views they want things handed to them. i got more screenshots of their dms. I always come with receipts.

I am telling you. These people is fraud!!! they nobody all that view are fake. You can easy look for yourself. and notice their chat is fucking dead. they ain't fucking trainwreck somebody that big and will get targeted. his chat is real cuz he is huge on twitch and one of those Ogs. These people nobody tries themself in being someone by fake their views. and suck dick get a checkmark. checkmark as train said mean fucking nothing. just verified u that your streamer. it's not fucking even a partner badge kick don't have it yet. i doubt trainwreck is aware of any of these issues going on under his nose. He is so busy with other things. If only he knew about these people getting verified left and right and not meeting the requirement and they view botting every day.

Anyways i got more to tea to spill. I will talk about that bald head ugly guy another time.

Just do your own investigating and don't be afraid to tell staff or train cuz he aint fucking aware of everything. if train preaches transparency he needs to know about this issue and who they are.

The fact even twitch streamer knows about is crazy. Just some staff choose to look another way. I ask one streamer on twitch if she will give kick try. she said "you mean that platform full of bots and copycats. They always say its not going anywhere since nobody doing anything with this issue. everyone gets checkmarks left and right without earning it" that is what all of them say. They don't want risk it. Kick got potential but these people came here and ruin the whole kick reputation. I have been honest with the admin and always voice my opinion they just ignore it or do not give a valid answer if they going to do something about it. So am coming public call them all. Since i got so many readers here let them know what is going on. I will always be transparent with you guys.

so I am going to end here. because i need to do something and help someone with kick. get them to start up and set up their kick account. help my fellow twitch streamer out.

Good night lovies <3

[skyeet-the-writer]

The Love Among Us

Chapter 1-- I’d Never Snitch On Daddy

so i haven’t seen many corpse husband x reader stories on here, so i decided to upload one myself. i’ve been watching jacksepticeye’s among us videos and when i heard corpse talk for the first time, i was like, “hol up” and now i’ve been obsessed with him. also, go stream his music on spotify, it’s amazing. enjoy! x. 

 corpse husband x female!reader

summary: while playing among us, y/n watches corpse kill felix in o2. when his body is reported, however, she doesn’t tell who killed him. 

 word count: ~3.6k

warnings: swearing, mentions of death (not real death), mentions of murder (not real murder)

EDIT: before i wrote this and after i published it, i did not know that corpse did not like to be referred to as “daddy”. had i known this, i would have not even thought of posting this. and since i know now, i won’t refer to him as such in the future. thank you. (10/19/2020)

EDIT 2: this is the first part to my corpse x reader series. i will be adding chapters as we go!

next>

4 rounds before the incident

“I was in coms with PJ!” Sean exclaims. 

“He is doing the liar voice!” Felix shouts with a laugh. 

“I’m not,” Sean tries to say, but everyone talks over him and the voting time ends. Everyone left alive, though it was only four people, had all voted for him and he yells at them as he gets ejected. 

stinky was not the imposter

2 imposters remain

The round ends and everyone unmutes themselves. 

“Lizzie, you saw Felix kill me and you did nothing!” Roomie yells as soon as the round ends and the imposters are revealed. 

“Yeah, because I was the other imposter.”

“Oh. Okay, well that makes sense.”

Everyone laughs and Ken starts the round again. 

“Wait, can I invite y/n to play? She’s doing her twenty-four-hour stream and she just finished playing Monopoly with Mark, Bob, and Wade,” says Lizzie, looking down at her phone as they all appear back in the waiting room. 

“Yes,” Corpse blurts out and there are a few laughs and chuckles. 

“You were quick to answer, Corpse,” Sean teases. 

“Shut up,” Corpse mumbles and there are even more laughs. 

Lizzie smiles and taps into her phone. “I’m gonna invite her.”

~

“I can’t believe that you actually made that deal, y/n,” Wade is telling you after ending the second round of Monopoly that you’ve played with them. 

You smile and cross your legs on your chair. “Look, I was going bankrupt and it seemed good at the time. Besides, Mark was going to win anyway, he owned half of the board.” Your phone buzzes beside you on your desk and you pick it up. “Lizzie texted me.” There’s a sound effect that plays in your headset and you look up at your screen and smile. “Thanks to _lorieplays _for donating a hundred dollars, that means a lot. Thank you so much.”

“Do you want to play another round?” Marks asks. 

You shake your head, reading the text from your friend in England. “No, I don’t want to lose to you again.” You laugh. “Nah, Lizzie wants me to play Among Us with her and a few others. It was fun playing with you guys.”

“It was even though you took all of my money,” Bob snaps. 

You laugh. “Yeah, yeah. See you guys later.”

“Bye,” says Mark.

“See y--” Wade begins but you cut him off when you disconnect from the call. 

“Oops.” You put a hand over your mouth and laugh. “Sorry, Wade. Okay.” You straighten up and glance over everything, making sure it’s all working properly. “I have to pee and I think my roommate ordered pizza, so we’ll be back after this short break. Enjoy this live feed of my pet rats.” You giggle and switch the stream over to a view of your two rats in their cage where you have a camera set up. You take your headset off and head out of your recording room. 

Every two months, you have a twenty-four-hour livestream where you play games with your friends from all around the world. Despite being only twenty-five, your Youtube channel had grown exponentially in the past three years and you’ve had the chance to meet lots of other Youtubers like Markiplier, PewDiePie, and your close friend, LDShadowLady. 

Currently, you’re on hour twenty of twenty-four and you’re beginning to feel the effects of not sleeping for a whole day. You had been drinking coffee and energy drinks for the past four hours and that seemed to perk you up for two hours max. But your roommate had ordered pizza and that would hopefully wake you up. 

After going to the bathroom and grabbing an entire box of pizza, you return to your recording room and sit down. You put your headset back on and eat a slice of pizza before switching the views back to you. “And we’re back. I hope you guys enjoyed my rats because I don’t. They keep me up at night.”

You read a comment while loading up Among Us and laugh. “No, they’re not dead. They’re sleeping. They do that a lot when they’re not fighting.” 

When you finally get into the game and entire the code, you spawn in. You also quickly join the Discord chat and wince when nearly ten voices hit you at once. 

“y/n!” exclaims Lizzie and the other voices die down for a moment before rising to greet you. 

You wince again but laugh. “Jesus, you guys are loud. Hey, Lizzie.” You move your character to the customize tab and go to try and switch your color. But then you frown and realize that you’re stuck with being dark blue. “Damn, I wanted to be white.”

“Do you want to switch?” Corpse asks. 

Your eyes widen you your stomach flips. You hadn’t noticed Corpse was in this game. Immediately, your chat became flooded with keyboard smashing and lots of “omg my shipp” and “y/n rlly said ‘anna oop-’” 

“Uh, yeah, if you don’t mind,” you manage to stutter out and take a bite of pizza as Corpse’s player comes over and the white option becomes available. You select it and also select the goggles in the hats menu. 

“How’s your stream going?” asks Sean. 

You shrug. “Pretty good. I’m super tired, though. I literally almost fell asleep while playing Monopoly with Mark, Wade, and Bob.”

“You went to college, right?” You’re pretty sure that’s Roomie. 

“Yep,” you affirm with a nod even though they can’t see you. “You’d think that those all-nighters writing papers and studying for finals would make me able to do this.”

There’s a laugh in the group and the round starts.

3 rounds before the incident

You scratch your eyebrow and sigh in relief when you’re the crewmate. You mute yourself and slide up in your chair. 

“I like being the crewmate,” you say, heading towards admin as a habit. “It’s a lot less stressful than being imposter.”

After doing your tasks in admin and fueling the engines, you stumble across a dead body in the lower engine and a vent closing. 

“Oh,” you say, and press the report button. You unmute yourself and begin with, “So I saw a vent close but I didn’t see who went in.”

“Who died?” asks Lizzie. 

“Felix,” says Sean. 

You smirk. “It’s always yellow that dies first.”

“Where was the body?” Ken asks. 

“Lower engine,” you reply. 

“I was in medbay with Corpse doing the scan so it wasn’t him,” PJ says and Corpse makes a noise of confirmation. 

This makes your cheeks heat up and you smack a hand over your mouth. Your chat explodes again but you decide to ignore it. 

“And I was doing wires in cafeteria,” Lizzie says. 

“Sean, where were you?” 

“I was in reactor doing the simon says thing,” he answers. 

You sigh. “I hate that one. What about you, Ken?”

“I was with Roomie in electrical doing the power thing. You know, the one where you have to divert it somewhere else.”

“So do we skip then?” asks Lizzie. 

“No one is super sus, so I’m going to skip,” you answer. 

When no one is ejected, you mute yourself again. “I dunno why, but Sean seems pretty sus. Because I didn’t see him on the way down from upper engine. But I guess he could have gotten there in time.” You shrug and run over to the trash chute in the cafeteria. “RIP to Felix, though.”

After doing the trash there, you head down to storage, running into Corpse doing the wires in there. You wait there to clear him and once you do, you run a few circles around him to get his attention and he follows you over to the trash in storage and watches you do that. After that, the two of you head over to electric together and do wires there. 

Suddenly, there’s a body reported and you unmute yourself. 

“Sean just killed Lizzie in front of me!” exclaims PJ. 

“PJ killed Lizzie,” Sean retorts, flipping the blame. “I watched it, he didn’t realize I was there and murdered her.”

“I watched PJ do the scan in medbay, he’s cleared,” Corpse says and you find yourself smiling for no reason. “Sean, you killed Lizzie.”

“I knew he was sus,” you say, grabbing another piece of pizza. You look at the box and your eyes widen. Had you really already eaten half of it?

“Wait wait, how am I sus?” Sean asks. 

You take a moment to swallow. “Because when I was doing fuel earlier, I was running down from upper engine and didn’t see you in reactor. Sure, maybe you could have gotten there earlier, but it was super weird.” 

The discussion time ends and PJ immediately goes to vote for Sean as well as you, Corpse, and everyone else still alive. Sean ends up getting ejected. 

stinky was an imposter 

1 imposter remains

“You’re such a detective, y/n,” Sean says when he gets ejected. 

You laugh. “I just play this game too much.” You then mute yourself and smile. “I am a genius.” 

You end up finishing your tasks quickly after that and then stand in the cafeteria and eat another piece of pizza and read some of the chat. 

“’ What am I going to do after this?’ I don’t know. I might play some Minecraft. Should I have a poll on Twitter? I’m stuck between public Among Us games, Minecraft, and taking random quizzes on Buzzfeed.” You smile and hear another sound effect and something pops up on the screen. “Thank you to coochie man for donating a hundred dollars, that means a lot.” You laugh at their name. “I love your name, by the way.” 

There’s some rattling in the cage behind you and you turn around to see one of your rats drinking water. You turn back to the chat and read another comment. “’ Do you have a crush on Corpse?’” You blush and smile, biting your lip. “I mean, his voice is hot. I’ve never met him since he lives in San Diego and I live in h/t, but yeah, I guess I do. I’ve been listening to his music for the past few days and it’s really good, you guys should go check it out.”

You look up and unmute yourself when a body is reported. “Who died?” you ask. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Are you already done with your tasks, y/n?” Corpse asks. 

God, even the way he says your name is making you blush. “Yeah, I get them done quick.”

“She does that,” says Lizzie, “She always gets her tasks done quick.”

“Ken is dead by the way,” says Roomie and your snort, smacking a hand over your mouth. “I found him in the hallway by navigation. Where was everyone else?”

“I was in cafeteria doing nothing,” you say, leaning back in your chair and spinning around just a little. “I think I saw PJ downloading while I was in there, but I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Yeah, I was downloading,” says Ken. 

After more discussion, Corpse points out that Jaiden had been following him and it looked like she had been faking tasks. 

“No I haven’t,” she says. 

“That sounds like something the imposter would say,” you hum with a smirk. “That’s pretty sus, Jaiden.”

Everyone else agrees and you all end up voting Jaiden out. 

jaiden was the imposter

0 imposters remain

You cheer as the round ends and a blue victory screen pops up for the crewmates. “Good game, guys,” you say and play again, waiting for the host. 

~

1 round before the incident 

“Oh my god, I’m imposter again?” you groan and sigh when you spawn back in. “I was just imposter, I don’t want to be it again. I’m so bad at it,”

After another short round of you and Felix losing to the crewmates, you all agreed to play two more rounds before Sean had to leave. So you move your character to admin where PJ is and fake the card swipe before moving over to the admin security thing where you could see who was around where. Luckily, no one appeared to be near admin, so you quickly kill PJ and escape through the vent and come out through medbay. 

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” you whisper over and over, running down to storage. “That was clean.” You fake getting fuel and go back up to the upper engine. 

When PJ’s body is reported, you see that your fellow imposter, Sean, had reported it. You stay silent for most of the round and only say that you were in the fuel area when it was reported. 

“Yeah, I saw her run past electrical earlier,” Corpse says. You blush and glance at your exploding chat and shake your head. 

After everyone skips the round, you mute yourself once more and head towards navigation. “I hate this.” You drag the last syllable and watch Lizzie enter the room. You wait a moment before walking towards her and killing her, jumping into one of the vents. You let out a sigh and flex your fingers. “I’m so stressed.” You exit out of the vent into shields and your heart stops when you see someone else in there but you realize that it’s the other imposter, Sean, and you relax. 

You run past him and go to the trash compartments and pretend to unload those. And that’s how the rest of the round goes. You kill someone, someone reports it and you vote someone off. Eventually, you and Sean do a double kill and end up winning the round.

You unmute yourself. 

“Let’s go!” Sean exclaims and you smile. 

“I can’t believe you killed me, y/n!” shouts Lizzie. “I thought we were friends.”

You laugh. “There are no friends in this game. I’m not loyal to anyone in this game. You could be my best friend and I would fucking murder you.”

“That’s cold,” says Roomie as everyone else spawns back in. 

“Yeah,” you nod. 

“Wait, PJ disconnected,” says Sean, and you all end up waiting for him to rejoin. 

In that time, you look at your chat and say, “Hey, do you guys have any questions for who I’m playing with. I’m asking you, chat.”

“I swear if someone asks about my hands, I’m leaving,” Corpse says and everyone laughs. 

You laugh louder when you read a comment and read it aloud, “_Ironlady _says that you should be a hand model, Corpse.”

“Okay, I’m leaving,” you hear Corpse say over everyone laughing. 

“No, stay!” you exclaim, trying not to laugh. “C’mon, don’t leave.”

He sighs deeply and your brain goes fuzzy. “Fine. I’ll stay for you.”

You beam and your tummy turns. You ignore the whistles and remarks from everyone else and stand beside Corpse. You suddenly wish that the little bean characters could hold hands. 

When PJ joins the server again, Ken starts the round and you cross your fingers, hoping to get crewmate. 

0 rounds before the incident

You mute yourself and sigh when you’re a crewmate. “Thank god.” You let out a breath and go over to admin with everyone else. You swipe your card and go to the cafeteria to do some wires there. 

The game turns out to be rather uneventful. A few people die and two people are voted off before the game gets truly interesting. And that happens when you walk in on Corpse and Felix. 

“I’ve had this song stuck in my head for days,” you’re saying, walking from electrical over to O2. “And I can’t get it out of my head. Maybe singing it will help.” You hum the first part. “Don't go in there, you'll become one. Freaky creatures, monster party. Eyes of yellow, scales and feathers, tails in tethers. Turn the lights off. Bend the nightmare, you control it. Artful dodger, easy does it. Shut the closet, get under the covers. Snakes and lovers. Turn the lights off.” You do a little dance for a moment and continue hum the song, glancing at the chat as you go towards O2 after doing wires in storage. 

“Like, I know the song, it’s just been stuck in my head,” you explain. “And it kind of annoys me--”

But you stop as you enter O2 and watch Corpse murder Felix. Neither one of you move and you don’t know what to do. “Uhhh.” 

Then, without thinking, you turn straight around and make your way away from the scene of the murder. “I didn’t see anything!” you shout to no one. “I suddenly can’t see who murdered Felix.” You smack a hand over your mouth and stand in the middle of a hallway. “Oh my god, what do I do? I don’t want to snitch on Corpse, he’s hot.” You scratch the back of your neck and shrug, continuing on to reactor. “I didn’t see anything.”

You’re in the middle of doing the simon says in reactor when Felix’s body is reported. You unmute yourself and fidget with the sleeve of your hoodie. You know exactly who killed Felix. 

“--was in O2,” says Jaiden and you focus back into the conversation. “And I didn’t see anyone around.”

“I saw you heading that way, y/n, but I know it wasn’t you because I saw you do the trash in storage.”

You look at the screen when Sean talks to you and you chew your lip. “I know who killed Felix.”

“Who?” asks almost everyone at the same time. 

You close your eyes and swallow. It’s just a game, why are you taking this so seriously? Suddenly, a song lyric pops into your head and your stomach flips. You imagine yourself saying it and no one knows who you mean except for him. 

You open your eyes. “I’d never snitch on daddy.”

There’s a laugh in the chat and you blush fiercely, your livestream chat blowing up once again.

“I think we know who it is, then,” says Sean, laughing. 

“Yeah,” agrees Lizzie and your eyes widen. 

“Wait, what?” you ask, watching everyone vote almost as soon as the discussion time ends. “Wait, hang on, who--”

“We know who you’re talking about, y/n,” PJ tells you. 

You vote for yourself and your brain goes blank as you see that everyone voted for Corpse. He even voted for himself. They knew. They all _knew _about your feelings for Corpse. 

The round ends with Corpse being voted out and the crewmates win. There’s some talking, but you stay on the victory screen. You’re trying to decide if your mad or embarrassed or both. 

“I didn’t know you’d say that, y/n,” Corpse says, effectively breaking you out of your trance. “I thought you were gonna snitch on me.”

“You heard her,” teases Lizzie and you can tell she’s grinning. “She’d never snitch on you, Corpse.”

He laughs and you feel something in a certain place. “Oh my god, I’m gonna die of embarrassment.” You put your face in your hands, listening to your friends tease you in the chat. You suddenly want to jump out your window and run into traffic. 

“Don’t die,” comes Corpse’s voice through the onslaught of teasing. “I’ll be sad.”

“Fuck!” you shout and slam your hand on your desk, shaking your equipment and scaring your rats. “I’m so sorry, Corpse, that was really weird, I--”

“Stop.” He interrupts you and the chat goes silent and you look up at the screen even though you can’t see him. “It’s okay. It was funny.”

Your eyes widen and then narrow. Funny? He thought what you said was funny? How could he think it was funny?

But then he speaks again and he sounds oddly flustered. “Uh, I gotta go. Um, it was fun playing with you guys. Bye, y/n.”

“Bye Cor--” but then he disconnects and you’re left talking to no one. “--pse.”

There’s a long moment of silence until Felix breaks it. “I can’t believe you just watched me die and didn’t do anything about it.”

There are some laughs and you smile faintly, rejoining the game. “Yeah, uh, sorry about that.”

“Are you okay, y/n?” asks Lizzie. 

You blush and swallow. “I don’t know. God, I’m so weird.” You run a hand through your hair and adjust your headphones

“No, you’re not,” Roomie assures you. “He has a crush on you, too.”

Your eyes widen and you scoot up in your chair. “He does?”

“I mean, he called you pretty once during a game and said that he watches your videos a lot, so maybe.”

You groan and sink in your chair. “I’m gonna go, I need to run into traffic now.”

A few people laugh or chuckle and Lizzie asks you if you’re actually going to leave. 

“Yeah,” you tell her. “But not to run into traffic. I’m going to go play Minecraft to soothe myself.”

“Aw.” You can practically hear her frown. “Okay. Bye, y/n.”

“Good luck with your stream,” Ken tells you. 

You grin. “Okay, thanks, bye.”

When you exit the game and leave the chat, you scream. You actually scream and it’s loud. Your roommate even knocks on your door, asking if you’re okay. 

You look at them and nod. “Yeah, totally fine. Probably about to have a mental breakdown, but I’m fine.”

“Okay,” they say and lean on the doorframe. “But I’m not cutting bangs for you again.”

You laugh and nod. “Yeah, okay, fine.” They leave and you turn back to your stream, feeling like you’re about to cry. Corpse knows you have a crush on him. And it seems like he has one on you as well, but now you’re embarrassed because you called him ‘daddy’ on stream.

You rub your eyes. “Well, now I know what’ll be streaming on Twitter tonight,” you tell the chat. 

[nyxsomnia7]

L’Manburg Lovers (Tommyinnit X Reader)|| Chapter 2- “There Is A New Child Among Us”

A few days later I woke up at 11:24 AM to a DM from Tommy demanding my phone number. I groaned but sent it anyway. I mean, he probably won’t dox me and I figure if he wants to bother me, let him. I mean, I got to talk to one of my favorite streamers because of him and him showing me on stream had gotten my follower count crazy high on all my socials, the least I can let him do in repayment is send me insults at 4 AM.

Unknown

WOMAN

Me

What’s up Tommy?

Tommy (Hamilton Kinnie)

We need a tenth for Among Us 

stream. Interested?

Me

Sure, give me a minute though.

I pulled on my P!ATD shirt and some shorts before making my hair presentable and booting up my computer. I started a stream entitled “Among Us W/ Tommyinnit and Co.” and said hi to my Chat as I joined the discord Tommy had sent me and used the code to join the game which included Tommy, Tubbo, Wilbur, Dream, Gogy, SnapMap, Fundy, Karl, and Quackity.

“Good, the woman has finally showed up.” Tommy said.

“Bitch, you act like I’m late, you told me about this literally three minutes ago.” I replied flatly. Everyone in the call laughed and ‘Owch’ed at that.

“So you didn’t need me to defend you yesterday, dang Nyxie!” Wilber said.

“It looks like we have a new child Among Us. Get it cause we’re playing Among Us?” Said Karl. I giggled at his terrible pun even though no one else did.

“Hi, Nikesonima7!” I heard Tubbo say brightly.

“It’s Nyx-somnia, idiot.” Tommy said.

“TOMMY!” Wilbur and I admonished in unison. Tommy proceeded to make defensive noises while Tubbo chuckled at us.

“Sorry for saying your name wrong, Nyxsomnia.” Tubbo said, carefully pronouncing my username.

“It’s all good Tubbo. I’ve seen enough of your videos and streams to know you can’t read sometimes.” I replied.

“OH YEAH! THIS ONE SIMPS FOR YOU, TUBBO!” Tommy cackled.

“I do not!” I whined and pouted to my camera. Chat started yelling at him.

“Children stop yelling or we’ll find someone else to play with instead of you guys!” Dream threatened.

“Fuck you, green man.” Tommy said. Dream scoffed but started the match.

I was a crewmate and did my tasks like a good space bean (I managed to do admin card on my third try. Chat was proud of me.) until I was MURDERED. IN COLD BLOOD. BY HECCING DREAM. IN STORAGE. Chat listened to me screech for a few seconds before I laughed it off and continued my tasks for the twelve seconds it took for Tubbo to find my lifeless little pink corpse and report it.

“Not cool, man. Who killed the poor new girl?” Asked Dream as the meeting began. I rolled my eyes playfully and my chat continued to yell about me being the only and first kill of the round. 

“Not me, I invited the woman. And I was with Tubbo in storage. Ya know this game is the one time I’m glad you’re so clingy, Tubbo.” Tommy said quickly.

“Huh?” Tubbo asked. I had seen him stream Among Us before so I knew he had been mildly zoned out trying to process what was happening.

“Where even was the body?” Quackity asked, trying to actually focus on the game for a second. They did the whole Among Us thing of heated discussions before just calling Big Q sus and yeeting him off the ship. I finished my tasks and decided to haunt Tubbo and Tommy in time to see Tommy stab Tubbo just as the lights went out. We had both finished our tasks so Tubbo and I hung out in ghost chat for the entire rest of the round. 

Toob

You’re the fangirl who roasted Tommy on his stream a few 

days ago, right?

Nyxsomnia7

Yup ^-^

Toob

POG lol ^-^

Your thing is Minecraft building, right?

Nyxsomnia7

Yeah, I actually made a bee mansion once I first found your

 channel and became a fan of yours. (in creative, of course)

Toob

Really?! I’d love to see it someday!

Nysomnia7

I can show you after Among Us (on stream or off whichever you want)

Toob

That’d be awesome! (you can keep streaming if you want lol)

Dream and Tommy won the round and we kept playing for a few hours. I never got to be Imposter, which I was kinda happy about since I sucked at being a murder bean. Everyone left but Tubbo, Tommy, and me.

“What are you two up to?” Tommy asked suspiciously, having heard me telling Tubbo I was giving him access to my world.

“Nyx said she made a build inspired by me once and is gonna show me!” Tubbo said happily.

“What? I need to see this crap too.” Tommy replied.

“Someone jealous that I made something for Tubbo and not him?” I teased as I also gave Tommy a way of accessing it.

“As if.” Tommy replied as I smirked at him. Chat was shouting “DEFO FLERTING” at us as the three of us loaded into the world. I lead the two boys over to the bee mansion I’d built.

“Whoa! This is awesome!” Tubbo said as he saw the towering walls of honeycomb supported by dark oak trees I had custom built with stained glass windows showing flowers and bees. The mansion was in the middle of a dark oak forest, which I had filled with beehives and flowers to make it more ambient and welcoming. 

“You like it?” I asked.

“Like it? It looks so pretty! I’d ask if I could build something like it on the Dream SMP if I thought I could actually do it and didn’t think it’d be completely destroyed at some point.” Tubbo said.

“I’m glad you like it. Wanna see the inside?” I asked. His avatar nodded violently and I heard Tommy scoffing at us and muttering “simps” under his breath as I showed him how I had decorated the many rooms. Tommy had to get off because his mom wanted him to do some chores before dinner. I was getting tired of keeping my stream going and Tubbo had already ended his, so I said goodbye to my chat and was surprised I had enough to raid again so I sent them Sykkuno’s way. “Did you actually mean it when you said that thing about liking my build so much you’d wanna borrow it or was that just for stream?” I asked Tubbo hesitantly.

“Of course I meant it! It’s beautiful, Nyx. A hundred times better than what I can do at least.” Tubbo replied.

“Thanks, Tubbo. Oh, my real name is Megan by the way if you don’t feel like calling me Nyx off-stream.” 

“I’m Toby. So you think it feels a little weird too when fans call you by your real name?” 

“Yeah, I’ll probably get over it eventually but for now it’s weird.”

“This might sound kinda weird, but could I have your number?” 

“Sure, Toby. I’ll just type it in chat.”

After twenty minutes of us just talking and hanging out Toby hung up because he had to go to bed since he’s five hours ahead of me. I took a moment to process what had happened to me just now. I not only got to talk to most of my favorite streamers in the world, but I also came out of that day with Tubbo’s number and his friendship. Now that’s a good day.

[jiminrings]

petition for stem koo to do all the things for oc he originally said no one does (make her lunchboxes, makes her cheerful...) bc i think that’s a beautiful redemption arc

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

jungkook's day one of his redemption agenda doesn't go that well in the end

"namjoon!!! my man. got any updates for me?"

seokjin strolls coolly on the way to his office, hair slicked back and his dress shirt definitely missing more than a few buttons

what's head admin gonna do??? dress-code him???

fire him???? PLS HE'D BE BETTER OFF!!!!

jin makes student affairs his bitch,,, not the other way around

"for the last time, i am nOt your secretary!!" namjoon stresses as he ceases his typing just to glare at him

he's the university registrar and everyone needs to go through him and at this point he's like a historical landmark from how he's made impact in less than two years

and he and seokjin graduated from the same batch!!!! they're the uncanny always pair for the subjects they shared together

it was definitely weird but functional lol cause one is uptight yet hardworking and the other's relaxed yet smart

sue them for working in the same place they swore they'd never go back to after graduation </3

"if you say-"

"some kid's been waiting for you even before i opened the office. made him sit inside but i just told him that he'd be expelled if he even tries to touch your coffee machine."

namjoon says even before jin could finish the sentence, clearly holding that in until the last minute

jin's obviously a lil annoyed because he's starting work as early as now but the way that joon laid all that out on him is a highlight for him

"thanks. knew you're a secretary for me first and a registrar second."

"no. i'm a national citizen before-"

alright alright he's not listening anymore

this bETTER be important because jin has to hold out his morning routine for whoever this kid is

"what can i possibly do for you today?" he rubs his eyes in preparation, intentionally dragging his steps because just looking at how near he is to his work computer gives him vertigo

"mr. kim!!!"

no

there is no way

there is no fATHOMABLE way that this has got to be happening to seokjin right now

"..... jungkook. what a pleasure."

he sits on his chair, voice gritted and monotone and he could just feel his eye twitching, his clenched fist under his deck now flipping off the kid in secret

it's a last-minute realization that he grasps that jungkook doesn't know you're his friend and it presents some really unique vantage points

like the time that seokjin recounted about a ridiculous student's filing for theft of his lunchboxes and he turned out to be your crush

or when he used his student affairs capabilities and pulled up resources left and right when jungkook broke your heart then seriously contemplated about messing up his academic record

or that time when he delivered a high and sleepy you to bed and then heard the entire conversation (if you could even call it that) between yoongi and this fucking nerd

"i need your help, mr. kim. you're the closest one to me i could ask!!" jungkook pleads desperately, the big doe eyes not really inducing an effect on him whatsoever lmao

"mhmm. i may not be the person for the job. counseling is right next door."

jin hums without even attempting to get jungkook to elaborate because for all he knows, his services aren't exactly open for people who hurt his friends >:(

(a guy once bumped shoulders with yoongi twice on the same day with aTTITUDE!!! and seokjin just dismissed the dude's concerns when a prof of his, who's a buddy of jin's, suddenly gave him an F)

seokjin IS student affairs

“no, no. you’re the only one who can help me!! you see, i-i just feel this brotherly connection with you and-“

“we talked once.”

god what did you used to see in this kid??

a crybaby aND an easily-attached personality to him? god it’s like jungkook’s just asking jin to pick on him

jungkook doesn’t seem to pick up how jin’s making it obvious he really doesn’t want to be of help if it has something to do with him

he likes interrupting and jin’s just the perfect match to interrupt him even earlier so now they just sound like one of those dubsmash snippets

“MR. KIM!!! how do you make lunchboxes? i don't know how.”

jeez where are his manners :O aren’t nerds like him supposed to worship the ground that admins walk on,,,

but what did pique his attention is the content of what jungkook just said

.... lunchboxes?

jin doesn’t want to give the kid benefit of the doubt because the last time he did that, you got hurt!!!!

if he has to hear hyeji’s name one more time, he’d really waste no time in stripping jungkook’s name from the honor roll

“remember that time i thought someone was stealing my lunchboxes?” he quizzes jin like it’s his job, clueless how he’s poking the bear even more with where he decides to go with this, “yeah. turns out no one was.”

was that not made clear the first time around!!!!!! he knows for a fact that a uni student would trade a classmate for a pack of gum but nO ONE would go for stealing a lunchbox

no one wakes up one day and decides that they’d steal a lunchbox. literally none

“but then this random girl claimed that it was hers a-and well i-...”

kook pauses to gauge jin’s reaction, clearly seeing now the one brow that’s raised at him

oh so if jungkook just asked him how to make a lunchbox, and he called h-word random,,,, then that would mean-

“i may have hurt the original giver of my lunchboxes at the process.”

.... that means he’s asking how to make a lunchbox for you

well that was a pleasant surprise

seokjin snorts briefly at that, dryly chuckling with his eyes widening to stress out his “non-threat” that’s pretty mUCH a threat

“wow. i might just give you a sanction for that.”

does he think jungkook’s a good person? lol he has to think about that for a month

was he wrong for hurting you that way? ultimately yes

but did he think at some point that jungkook’s completely heartless and wouldn’t try to redeem himself to his senior? no, not completely

but is he still on your team, regardless if the kid begs for mercy and you forgive him? yea a hundred percent :D yoongi and seokjin could never be brought out from your circle

"and you're doing this why?"

this is a no-brainer question for jungkook but the question still spooks him, feeling the chills at his neck that responding to seokjin is like a sTEPPING STONE when it comes to you

lmao if only he knew

"i uh, i just really wanna make this right. i messed up completely and it's pretty much unforgivable, but i atleast wanna try and give my best even if she doesn't forgive me, y'know?"

interesting

"mhmm. right, right."

???

he's still mad but he appreciates that jeon's doing the bare minimum of redeeming himself

speaking of, the poor kid looks like he's pissing himself because he may have just embarrassed himself with how long the silence stretches out

maybe,,, just maybe jin's gonna try and be a bridge this time

but like as soon as jungkook lacks for a fourth of a second, seokjin would BURN that bridge faster than a blink

"well first of all, you buy a lunchbox."

RIGHT RIGHT

:O

jungkook grabs a literal pocket notebook and jin pretends he didn't see that because WHO the hell does that!!!!

"of course... okay, proceed!! i'm taking notes," jungkook nods in understanding, jotting down the very important advice of not ordering from online because you can't smell the material through a screen

p.s. smelling containers before you buy them is a VITAL thing to do!! it already tells you about the quality at the first sniff

"are you buying one?"

"buying one for every day of the week. i'm thinking if i should get extras too-

"good idea. i recommend buying eight."

alright seokjin's mentioning some very specific colors and schemes and jungkook's not complaining!!!

MAYBE HE'S ONTO SOMETHING!!!

"what meals should i make? i don't even know what she likes!! and even if i knew what, how would i make it?"

why is his heart racing

yoongi may have taught you how to do your taxes but jin taught you how to cook food that's more than four steps!!!

he taught you how to not flinch at all when you're frying and that's the equivalent of raising you to be the woman that you are now <3

look at him and yoongi being your best friends!! teaching you about taxes and being unnerved at cooking oil and busting out a smoke ring or two <3

in fact, the lunches you've cooked for jungkook are all inspired and derived by seokjin!!!

the fact that jungkook's plan isn't bad and the way everything pieces together with his insight,,,, goosebumps luv

"....hypothetically? what i think she'd like?"

jungkook eagerly nods with stars in his eyes, fingers gripping onto his pen for dear life as he tries to channel all his listening techniques into this lecture

"get a bigger notepad."

:O

wow

"look at you!!" yoongi gushes the moment he sees you, waiting at you from the front door

you're going back to your classes again :D

you don't look as worse as you did four days ago!! you're not as sluggish and as animated too

"please don't," you snort as yoongi doesn't seem to stop looking at you like you've saved the world, giving no fight when he insists on carrying your backpack to your first class of the day

the past four days,, yeah they were undoubtedly rough

you slept as much as you could and for the moments you weren't dejected enough to be awake, you spent it surrounding yourself with seokjin and yoongi as much as possible

that's the beauty of hanging out them!!! you're not required to have a single thought lmao

except for the time when yoongi wondered aloud how eels even live and die (or if they even do???) in the first place and that sent everyone in a spiral and you didn't think of jungkook for a single seconds

you're not intimidated to go back to regular programming or with the fact that it's nOT unlikely you'd see a glimpse of jungkook in the hall and such

but that does mean that even if you're the bigger person, you're still gonna avoid him for as long as you could

speaking of!!!! you're looking for the person now that you're eager to find

"taehyung!!"

there he is :D you'd recognize that fluffy mop of permed hair anywhere

"y/n!!"

tae jumps over chairs in excitement to finally see you again after being so worried for you, engulfing you in a hug immediately

alright you see why yoongi thinks he's a golden retriever

you're clearly not a touchy-feely person but you'd let this one pass,, tae helped you (even indirectly) throughout your downtime anyways

"thank you so much for the cookies. i tried taking smaller bites just because i didn't wanna have them disappear that easy," you confess sheepishly, knowing how you had to pull the i just got my heart broken like two days ago multiple times so the two menaces would stop stealing from your stash

:D

jungkook's excited!!!! seokjin may have given him a tip that "he felt it in his gut" that you were gonna go to class today

he came a little late because he wanted to perfect the very loaded lunchbox that's in his backpack right now

oh weird

you're not in your usual chair

bUT jungkook sees a glimpse of your hair and he's certain that you're there and his heart may be beating out of his ribcage

a baby peach lunchbox with a sticker (of what seokjin said he thought you'd like) on the middle of the lid :D

pork katsudon with furikake rice aND coffee jelly pudding on the side!!! it was definitely pressure-racking to strictly adhere to jin's recipe but god does it look worth it

jungkook's only did miniature taste tests on it and he had to stop himself from devouring the lunch that he's made specifically for you

the lunchbox itself is tied neatly with a silk wrap, adding his touch of sewing your name visibly on it aND there's a scribble taped to the lid too

god jungkook really can't wait to make it up to you

sheesh that was one of THEE longest lectures you've ever felt you had

it was actually the same amount of time it's always been but maybe you've been out of practice from just staying at your dorm for days

tae's great company but he could be a little bit chatty!!! you just nod when you feel his voice go up and he apparently gets excited by that easily

.... he apparently also has a small bladder and he told you that within the whole hour of class

"hold on. i gotta pee before next period. go without me!!!' taehyung hurriedly slings his backpack to his arm, looking ridiculous in a rush

tae's sometimes unintentionally funny because you don't even share next period anyways

you're on your way to the exit when a shiny scarf catches the corner of your eye, having to squint at it because wow does it look pretty

is that-

is that your nAME???

you pick it up before you could even rationalize it, realizing then what it was wrapping when you feel the warmth on your hands

:")

"sorry i forgot my headband!!!"

taehyung stumbles back into the room, catching his breath to run back to his seat and fetch the headband he took from his hair to play with awhile ago

he looks shocked to see what's on your hands, flicking his gaze between you and the item but he doesn't think much of it

wOW that's a really shiny scarf!!!

"tae?"

"hmm yeah? what's up?"

he's about to jog back to the comfort room because he hasn't really relieved himself yet, not bearing to leave his headband in the room when anyone could snatch it up

you raise your lunchbox, a thankful gaze on your eyes that looks so close to crying which is why tae's mORE than lost now

"thanks for the lunch."

..

.....

jungkook could only helplessly watch.

[ramen-rambles]

Quid Pro Quo

Pairing: Kirishima Eijirou x Reader

Warnings: 18+, mutual masturbation, suggestive texts 

Word Count: 2.7K

Summary: From being a total stranger you met on a dead Discord server, to literally becoming one of your best friends — Kirishima was one of the most amazing things to ever happen in your life. But what happens when you accidentally screenshot his nudes?!

A/N: My first BNHarem server collab! I was really close to naming this fic Penis Pals, if I’m being honest LOL It’s a lot shorter than I wanted but I hope I did my baby justice. Thank you to my fellow Bakugou Fanclub members for hyping me up and helping me edit this piece. I literally couldn’t have done it without you guys, ILYSM! Read all the other amazing fics in this collab, here.

Taglist: @lady-bakuhoe @bratwritings @redbeanteax

♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。. ♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。. ♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。.

Ever since you were in high school, you had always looked up to Crimson Riot — a pro hero who’s strong, manly, and fearless. I mean, who wouldn’t like him? Now that you were in college, there have been many other heroes worthy of being called the best, but Crimson Riot was still going to be Number 1 in your eyes. So, to pay homage to your all time favorite hero, you decided to join a Crimson Riot Discord server. 

You had started looking for any server invites through all platforms of social media. Google, Twitter, Tumblr, but nothing came up. You had started to lose hope, until you stumbled upon a very old server link on an equally old Reddit thread. You looked at the date it was posted and it seemed to have been made all the way back when you were in high school. You clicked on the link hesitantly, definitely not expecting it to work. However, much to your surprise, the link brought you straight to the server! 

“Finally! Something that actually fucking worked!” You thought to yourself, after hours of scrolling though numerous pages of the internet. 

You were a bit hesitant at first, not really knowing what to expect. Were people going to think you were weird for being such a nerd? What if people thought you were annoying? Or worse, what if no one liked you? 

But that didn’t seem to be much of a problem… Considering that the server was rather dead. 

You clicked through the channels — #general, #merch, #photos, #announcements; the last time anyone really said anything was nearly six months ago. “God dammit.” You should have known. All you wanted was a place to fangirl over Crimson Riot, was that too much to ask for?! You got all your hopes up, just for it to all come crashing down. Feeling a bit dejected, it seemed like you had no choice but to leave the server. Not like there was much of a point in staying anyways. 

But then you saw a notification pop up on your screen.

RED RIOT [Today at 7:56 PM] 

@Y/N Hey! How are you doing? I’m the admin for this Crimson Riot Discord. The name’s Kirishima. It’s nice to see a fresh face here :^) 

Y/N [Today at 7:56 PM] 

Oh hi! I’m doing good! I found your discord link on a really old Reddit thread so forgive me for asking but… Is this server still active? I was scrolling through the channels and everything seemed kind of dead tbh LOL

RED RIOT [Today at 7:57 PM]

Well, if I’m being honest, it’s fucking dead LMAO 

Y/N [Today at 7:57 PM]

F

RED RIOT [Today at 7:58 PM]

It used to be pretty active before but people just kind of... stopped. I made this server back when I was in high school because I just LOVED Crimson Riot so much, ya know? He was the one person I really looked up to. Anyways, how did you even find this link? You must have looked real hard LOL

Y/N [Today at 7:58 PM]

HAHA I did, actually! Took me for-fucking-ever to find a server link that actually worked :( I’ve looked up to him since I was a kid too and so I really just wanted a place to express my gratitude for the role he played in my life. Sorry LOL I’m getting cheesy 

RED RIOT [Today at 7:59 PM]

Well Y/N, I’m glad you found this server! You sound like a really great person and I’d love nothing more than to talk to you about our shared love for Crimson Riot, but this server is whack as fuck. Are you down to move to DMs instead?

Y/N [Today at 8:01 PM]

Fuck it. Why not? 

You and Kirishima had been talking for a while now. Ever since you came across his Crimson Riot server, you two would talk almost every single day. You learned that he actually lived near you too. Call it fate. Exchanging phone numbers, following each other on social media, starting Snapchat streaks, meeting up with each other — the chemistry between you two made it seem like you’ve known each other your entire lives. The both of you had practically become best friends. 

To you, maybe it felt a little bit more than just friends. 

Currently, you were mindlessly scrolling through your Twitter feed when you saw that you had received a Snapchat notification, from, you guessed it. Kirishima. You were expecting it to just be a bland streak of his room or something but you saw something that made your fucking jaw drop.

A picture of Kirishima in a tight fitting tank top and a very noticeable bulge that was covered by a pair of dark grey sweatpants. 

You felt your cheeks heat up, a red blush painting across your entire face. In a state of panic, you fumbled the phone in your hands and in the process you had heard a very audible click. You fucking screenshotted his snap.

Fuck. 

You quickly went into your messages and texted him to try and explain yourself. 

[Y/N]

WAIT SHIT. KIRISHIMA. I DIDN’T MEAN TO SCREENSHOT THAT. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. I SWEAR 

Replying almost immediately, you anxiously waited for what Kirishima had to say about your little mishap. You were seriously hoping that he was just going to let it go and you could both just act like nothing happened.

[Kirishima] 

Wow, I didn’t think you’d be the type to screenshot people’s snaps like that, Y/N :( 

[Y/N]

YOU DIPSHIT. I SAID IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. AND WHY ARE YOU SENDING ME SHIT LIKE THAT HUH?!

[Kirishima]

You telling me you didn’t like what you saw? 

[Y/N]

Okay, fine, you looked good, SUE ME. Is that what you wanted to hear?

[Kirishima] 

It’s only fair you send me one back, don’t you think?

You stared at your phone. What the actual fuck. Was Kirishima asking you to send him a fucking nude? You knew it shouldn’t have, but the thought of Kirishima wanting to see your body turned you on. A small shiver running down your spine at the possibility that he liked you in return. 

[Y/N]

Excuse me, sir. I am NOT sending you a nude. 

[Kirishima]

I didn’t ask for a nude, all I said was that you return the favor. Quid pro quo, ya know? 

[Y/N]

Using big words like ‘quid pro quo’, smh. Since when did you become such a politician? 

[Kirishima]

But, if you want to send a nude, who am I to say no? ;)

[Y/N]

Fucking fine. If I show you one, will you shut up?

[Kirishima]

Depends.

[Y/N]

On what, exactly?

[Kirishima] 

On how good it is

Your eyes narrowed at his response. What does he even mean by that, ‘how good it is’? He should be grateful that you even considered sending him one! Based on your replies, it seemed like you were pissed, but in reality, your heart beat faster with every passing minute. You were never the type of girl to send nudes to anyone, but for Kirishima, you were willing to make a small exception. 

You got up from your bed and rummaged through your closet, looking for something that was a bit more provocative. You picked out a red lace bodysuit that hugged your curves and cupped your perky breasts. Sitting in front of your mirror, you touched up your makeup and fixed your hair, checking yourself out one last time before you started taking pictures. You opened up Snapchat and tried multiple poses, making sure the camera captured your sultriness and how good your tits looked. To mock his teasing from earlier you captioned the photo, “Quid pro quo, my ass.” before hitting the ‘send’ button. 

[Y/N] 

Was that good enough for you? 

You heard no response from him for a good five minutes. You started worrying. “Shit. Was that too much? Did I push it too far?” You chewed on the inside of your lip, anxiously waiting for any sort of reaction. 

And then, your screen lit up again. Another Snapchat notification from Kirishima. But this time, it was way more revealing. He had sent you a picture of him palming his erection, and all it said was, “You’re not even here, and look what you did to me :(“ 

Feeling cocky and with a sudden burst of confidence, you cheekily replied, “Why don’t you come here then?” 

In all honesty, Kirishima didn’t live that far from you. You two were only 15 minutes away from each other, meaning that he frequented your apartment whenever he felt like it. He came over a million times in the past, but this time was different. Very different, in fact. Anticipation was building at the pit of your stomach, but so was a familiar heat that began pooling in the middle of your underwear. 

You tried denying your feelings for Kirishima but you couldn’t help it! Everything about him was perfect. His personality, his humor, his voice, his face, his body… You could go on and on about all the things you loved about Kirishima. 

You would have been lying to yourself if you said that you’ve never thought about him with your hands in between your thighs. Thinking about his massive cock fucking your tight pussy, his fingers rubbing your clit in all the right places, or the way his tongue would feel sucking on your hardened nipples. 

You’d always wonder if he ever felt the same way but he didn’t really seem like he was. 

That was, until tonight. 

You stared at the clock on your wall and saw that 10 minutes had passed, a loud knock on your door making you wake up from the dream like trance you seemed to be trapped in. You quickly turned the doorknob, letting Kirishima inside of your apartment. 

Without saying a word, he pushed your back against the wall and began to roughly grab the side of your face. He captured your lips with his, meeting his kiss with the same aggressiveness, making your head spin at how good it felt to finally get a taste of him.

“Do you know how long I’ve waited for us to do this?” He panted, moving down to place sloppy kisses against the crook of your neck, leaving sharp bite marks and dark bruises littered all over your pretty skin.  

“Haaaa, that should be my line” you moaned, “You know how many times I’ve touched myself to the thought of you?” You whispered teasingly, biting the soft flesh of his earlobes. “How many times I wished it was your fingers inside of me instead?” You trailed your fingers down to his, intertwining them with one another before you dragged him into your bedroom. 

You pushed him down onto the mattress, gently getting on top of him and straddling his waist. Grabbing his hands, you placed them on top of your tits, giving them a rough squeeze before you began grinding your wet heat against his clothed cock. 

”Fuck, Y/N, are you sure?” He groaned, “As much as I want this, I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with —“ 

“Eiji, shut up. If I didn’t want this, would I be this wet for you?” You slipped your panties off to the side, two of your fingers dipping into your cunt, showing off the slick that stringed in between your digits. “Here, see for yourself.” You brought your coated fingers up to his mouth, making him suck it until not a drop was left. 

“Shit, you taste so fucking good,” He smirked, “Why don’t you show me how you touch yourself, princess?” 

You slowly made your way off of him, leaning back to position your body against the plush sheets. Slowly spreading your legs, you made sure he got a good view, your pussy practically dripping from how aroused you had become. You snaked your hands down back against your thighs, fingers finding its way onto your throbbing clit. Kirishima was sitting in front of you, all of his clothes still on.

That didn’t seem very fair, now did it? 

“Stroke your cock for me, Eijirou. Quid pro quo, right?” You said wickedly. You stood up quickly to remove the rest of your lingerie, Eijirou’s eyes glued to your body, watching your every move as you moved your hands back to their previous position. 

Kirishima let out a small laugh before he finally stripped himself of his clothing, pulling down his boxers to reveal his impressive length that was already oozing precum. “Is this what you wanted to see?” You nodded desperately. 

“You wanted to see me jerk off while I watch you touch that pretty pussy of yours?” Kirishima began moving his hand against his girth, gathering spit in his mouth before letting it drip onto the head. Lubricating his cock with a mix of precum and spit, he slowly started moving up and down his length. Matching your rhythm, as he watched intensely at the fingers that were still stuffed inside of your cunt. 

Soft moans started escaping your plush lips, the collective sound of small whines, and frantic gasps beginning to fill the room. “Fuck, Eiji. You look so hot stroking your cock like that. Do you imagine that it was my pussy, instead?” You say, panting intensely. 

“Fuuuuck. I’m gonna pound your tight little cunt so hard that you’re not going to be able to walk for days.” He sped up his pace, you quickly following suit. Your fingers pumping vigorously, you continued to rub tight circles over your sensitive clit. 

You were getting closer and closer to the orgasm you craved so much, and the look that Kirishima had on his face indicated that he was too. Your cunt clenched tightly around your digits while Kirishima’s fist held a vice grip on his cock. You had been waiting for this moment for so long, the intensity of your orgasm was surely going to rip through you like a plundering tidal wave.

 “A-ah, Eijirou! I’m so fucking close for you.” Your eyes squeezed shut as you felt yourself cum all over your fingers, your arousal gushing onto the bed sheets and covering the inside of your thighs. 

Kirishima quickened his strokes, the sight of your pleasure the catalyst for his own release as he continued to jack hammer his cock at an animalistic pace. “Please, baby, cum for me, I wanna see you cum all over yourself.” You whined, watching closely as you patiently waited for him to reach his end. Your filthy words were the last push he needed. 

“F-fuck Y/N! I love you so fucking much” he groaned loudly. A few more pumps, and ropes of his cum started painting his chest white, covering his sweaty body, as the remnants of both your orgasms stained the bed. 

You both looked at each other with half lidded eyes, still trying to come down from your intense highs. Breathing heavily, you looked at him greedily and whispered, “You know, I’ve always wondered how good it would feel to fuck myself on your cock.” 

“Well, I did say that I’d pound your cunt so hard you wouldn’t be able to walk for days...” Kirishima cooed as he ran his fingers along your exposed thigh,

“I’d be more than happy to show you, Princess.” 

♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。. ♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。. ♡ ⌒*ﾟ.❉・゜・。.

[sakura-haruka]

Mike aka captainpoe is talking shit about me so let me get things straight.

He’s gonna do screenshots of what will makes him look like the victim, like he always does so you will have to believe me on my words (since I coun’t found our conversations by pm) but most people who know me or I've been following me for a long time know that I usually stay out of the drama. Big thanks to my friends for telling me what he was doing behind my back like the adult he is.

3 years ago Mike started following me, I was back then a small blog and I thought “wow a big blog is following me!”

He started to talk me and really fast told me to send him my edits by messages and I did! he also reblogged me on his mcu blog (and his sw blog too... I think).

I was really stressed with a big exam around July and I became obsess with EVERYTHING, I was a true pain in the ass to everyone. I’m not gonna lie. So yeah I also became obsess with my Tumblr notes, I did gifs to relax but it was not working very well back then. my behavior was childish and I apologized to him after! 

(He accused me of wanting to be reblogged on his sideblogs, it’s true, but it’s natural to me to reblog everything that people send me or tag me in on my sideblogs, I sincerely don’t understand people problem with reblogging on sideblogs things ).

When he got harassed on here, more like called out (it was actually around the same time I was a dick)  he asked me to take his defense and to reblog a post he made, he was basically whining about how he was the victim and never harassed anyone, he sent me messaged telling me that he was a married man in florida and never did anything against the once upon a time fandom, wasn’t homophobic and meh meh meh... Back then I believed him because he was the nice guy who was helping me getting notes in the MCU fandom. He used me, after talking to other members I realized that I wasn’t alone. 

I WANT TO APOLOGIES TO THE POEPLE I DIDN’T BELIEVED BACK THEN. I KNOW WHO HE IS NOW. 

He started being aggressive but nothing worriedly when TLJ came around, it was a real little thing but I wasn't shipping Rey x poe and I felt like it was problem for him that I wasn’t shipping them. I didn't thought too much about it but still, it left a bad taste in my mouth, I wasn’t talking a lot to him after that.

When I had problems and got hate on my blog he didn't do shit to help me. 

I was still sending me my edits because... Notes. I can’t lie about that, like every  creators here I want my edits to get notes. 

I think we haven’t talked for a verrrry long time, I was sending my edits that’s it. 

Last year he asked me to join my GOT blog, after all the reblog he did for me I thought It would be really bitchy to me to not add him as a member. But I also noted that it was funny how he joined both the B99 and the GOT fandom once he realized that it was very popular. 

He did edits on the blog so no problem at all, until s8 ended. I’m like everybody, I hated that season but when someone join my sideblogs, especially my got one, I am very clear about the no hate rule (I had problems with that on this blog before). But he thought that since he was popular he could do what he wanted, I deleted the two first he reblogged, one of them was calling people to harass D&D and I hate what they did but as someone who has been victim of bullying at school and still suffer from that I was disgusted by what he posted but I haven’t told him anything since he’s really popular and I didn’t want to create any drama... I have a life so I  finally forgot about it. 

My laptop broke and gosh, I really understood who he was at that moment! I sent a messages to all the members of my sideblogs asking them to keep the blogs active while I can’t, normal stuff for an admin. I had my tablet with no photoshop... spidey got “fired” and like a lot of other people I thought about that scene in iw where Tony told him “you’re an avenger now”, lucky me I have already made that gifset before so I took my tablet and just reposted my own gifset, it took me so long because I had to convert it back to gif format because of Tumblr... Anyway, later he sent me a message accusing me of having copied him and I haven’t seen his gifset so told him exactly that. He then accused me of doing that ALL THE TIME with endgame and I told him “listen bro we’re both using the same 30 seconds YouTube clips that marvel gave us”, like 20 other people (they were not a lot of people because that channel was weirdly unknown), it’s true that I was doing them after him but it’s just because I have a life and cannot always do gif, I make them when I have time. He also basically told me that I must be rich for having replaced my laptop that fast, I haven’t, I was using my tablet but even if I did replace my laptop, mêle toi de ton cul ( I have no English expression coming to me ).

I really understood who he was then. 

He totally stopped making edits for my got blog, because it stopped trending so it wasn’t interesting him anymore. 

a few months past and I think the only thing he told me is that he was scared of clowns... Literally. 

And then the BIG ONE, I know he was a douche but omg. Mike asked me to reblog ALL his posts on a sideblog I'm only a member of. He told me that the admin have blocked him because she was shipping reylo and well reylos hate him because he’s posting shit on them , they were a huge misunderstanding then (because i’m French and I may not have explained myself right) , I told him that I wouldn’t reblog him if the admin didn’t want to see his posts on the blog, he was blocked! and I was, at the same time, talking to another member of this blog who is a close friend of the admin and she agreed with me. he was very insisting and I told him that the admin was checking what we add to the queue and would certainly delete his posts, it was the big misunderstanding that could have hurt the admin of the blog, I just meant I know she checks what’s happening because she told me when I don’t tag a post with the right tags, it’s just what a good admin (unlike myself) does. I also told him that it was a new blog with “only” 14k followers, he must have something like 50K followers sooooo, and that his edits were getting 100K notes, more than anybody here. He became... I have no words to describe that. He told me that it was a dictatorship if I couldn’t reblog what I wanted, and that I should leave the blog, I stopped answering pretty fast after that. 

 In our last conversation I was vulgar. (it’s in the post he sent to my friends), he really need to get over it, I’m French and from Normandie : I am vulgar! wtf. It’s also the last thing he ever posted on my game of thrones blog. It was a Sunday either two days after after the last star wars movie came out or ten days ( I don’t remember if he waited a week or not) but he reblogged a text post from his blog sending hate toward the writers of both got and sw and spoiled the entire Star Wars movie on my game of thrones blog, which was “the drop of water that caused the vase to bleed” like annoy me all you want but when people goes on my got blog they don’t want to be spoiled, it was so rude and mean and that post had nothing to do there and it was at least the third time so I told him to “fucking stop” and since mr thinks he is the king he went all “you can’t talk to me like that” “I'm an adult” meh meh meh. I told him to never go in France ‘cause he wouldn't like us. And it was the last time we spoke.  Nothing to do directly with me but I would never do what he does to get notes, that man he’s ready to use any big events such as pride or women’s day to get notes. I do make edits for those events too but I'm actually a bisexual woman and not an heterosexual man and I really don’t think he’s doing those edits to show his support to those movements but just to get notes, this year he did the same thing with blm movement I thought it was disrespectful at best, he even made the famous “I we burn you burn with us” gifset  from the movie and no, just stop dude.  Making that gifset of Naya before she was even found was awful, a lot of people are doing gifs to feel better about things but I don’t think it would have came to anybody else mind to have it ready in their draft. It actually make me think of myself because after they died I made a gifset of Carrie Fisher and Stan Lee  and in my head  it was a tribute but now that I think back about it I wouldn’t make gifset when people dies anymore, I said it once again but in my head it was a tribute to those wonderful people life and work.  I did to feel people and myself a little better in those situations but it didn’t makes me feel better. I thought about it even more, especially for Carrie, because I couldn’t stop thinking about Billie and losing my mom is the worst thing that could happen to me. You can say that, at the end, Mike makes me realize something. 

He has been calling out for his behavior but instead of facing it like an adult he just want to take people down instead of him, I'm one of them and I certainly won’t be the only one.  it’s someone who doesn’t know how to face the consequences of his behavior and still think he’s untouchable, me and one of my friend said that he thought he was the king of Tumblr and I sincerely think that in his head he is. 

Sorry for the grammar I'm French and it’s almost 4 am so I'm gonna check the grammar tomorrow. 

[kswhateverspace]

The Ruby and Christina Discord Drama

To my followers who have no idea what this is about, feel free to ignore this if you’d like. This is a long post showing everything that went down with the kicking of 3 members in a discord I’m a member and Admin of. I will share a bit, and then the rest will be under a cut. 

Jaye (hernameisjaye/ @reneesgoldsberry​) and I didn’t feel it necessary to address the kicks of the server publicly and just thought things would die down and people would move on. That doesn’t seem to be the case and so while I don’t want to give any attention to Krow (grimreich666), the continued attack of Dandybear has made this post necessary. On December 9th, 2020, 1 member was kicked from the discord. Michele (kerozenangel). She was kicked specifically because of this post she made

It was incredibly rude to all the writers in the discord and also @/everyone about it. The removal at this time was specifically to protect the mental well being of the writers who occupied the discord. In addition, for being continually antagonistic in discussions with other members.

Jaye and I are not big on public warnings in regards to someone’s character and the way one thinks. The only thing we correct is off topic discussion and only if it gets out of hand. Behind the scenes we talk a lot if certain members are acting up, and mentally keep track on how many instances are occurring, if behavior seems to be improving etc. You don’t see it, but when issues arise it is discussed, usually in length, and then we decide how to proceed. We also don’t publicly report when a complaint is sent to one of us about a member, but we have been sent them and they are taken into consideration.

On December 11th 2020, 2 members were kicked from the discord. Krow (grimreich666) and RVCBard (eshusplayground)

There is quite a bit to unpack here, but I am first going to address the tumblr post Krow made. I never planned on replying, just letting it go. But Krow continues to antagonize a member (dandybear) of the discord who had NO involvement in her removal from the Discord and it’s time all sides are put out for those who are not aware, or those who don’t have the full story to judge. I will be addressing the youtube video at the very end of this post.

I’m going to address the tumblr post in question in sections.

“So it has come to my attention that we cannot have a civil conversation in the Ruby and Chirstina Fandom. Nearly a month ago I gave up my own small Ruby and Chirstina Discord to join another manged by Kswhateverspace.”

Civil discussions are had all the time, what occurred began as a civil discussion until Krow made it personal by telling Jaye to learn her own black history. That was the reason for the kick. Personal attack. I will post screenshots of the entire encounter at the end. As for managed by me, I am just an admin, and did not start out that way. I offered to help organize the discord and tried to create events to make things a bit easier to navigate and more fun. I originally invited Krow to this discord after seeing people asking for links on tumblr to it.

No one was asked to give up any server, it was simply an open invitation.

“I thought that the community would be a good place to vibe with other members of the Ruby and Chirstina community. At first it was welcoming until I started writing my own Fan Fic for the Ruby and Chirstina ship. It had been users by the name of Dandybear and Agent Sheryl and a few others started to bury the work I posted and they would shade me, barely would I get comments on my work because they would fill the submission page with there personal conversations.Now I’ve written two novels professionally and I am working on a third and out of my 15 years of writing I can safely assess when somebody is trying to blackball or bury someone’s work because there work isn’t meeting up to snuff. And as for me I always supported their work because Christina and Ruby content benefits everyone, now I didn’t get into AO3 for the comments I did it because I love Chrisby.”

This is completely not true. There is a channel I created dedicated to posting work only, exactly to prevent the burying of work. Krow would actually break the rule from time to time of that channel, which is that it’s for links to works only, not discussion of said works. There is a separate channel to discuss. Despite the breaking of the rule, I never actually removed her creator role and instead just let it slide. Also, “Shading” never occurred.

“Yet it was only a week ago that me and a few others we noticed the mean girls clique right away as it consisted of Danybear, Frankie, Kswhateverspace and Agent Sheryl, who had came from my server to join.”

I want to address this on a personal level. I have literally spoken to Krow on a voice call, for 2 hours, with Frankie also in attendance, as well as Agent Sheryl. We had been doing the drop a random pin on the map game and it was a pretty fun time. Prior to this instance, I didn’t have the most favorable view of Krow as she tended to not have a filter when posting and I wasn’t always comfortable by what that was, however, I take my role as admin seriously, and in particular being a white woman in a predominantly black server, I never wished to step on anyone’s toes or out of line. Any worries or concerns I ever had or have, I always defer and clear with Jaye. After this game, I became more comfortable in general with her presence in the discord, but she continued to post fairly unfiltered views that would generally derail a discussion etc. and overall behavior within the discord did not make for a very comfortable place a lot of the time. I say this as myself, and from fellow members at the time of instances. I was at war with myself on this a lot of the time because I was the one who invited Krow, but no one can predict how people will be or mesh.

At this part of the post I will address Krow’s accusation that Dandybear “shaded her”. The screencap Krow uses at the end of her post.

In case it isn’t clear, You is a tv show and not literally @ Krow in case that’s what was thought.

“The egregious abuse of power there Admin and Owner Hernameisjaye is sickening; as her rampage all started on Thursday when Jaye went on a rant saying that Christina was racist. And to me and another black female members acknowledged her opinion but we disagreed with it as we had watched the show several times and understood the premise of the timeline within the Jim Crow Era. Not wanting to fight we had calmly stated our disagreement to her baseless claim and yet she still would not let up even after we have both took the high road as mature adults to leave the conversation.”

I will let screenshots of the entire discussion speak for themselves. I will preface the screenshots with the rules of the discord, which were last edited on December first.

I’ll speak on rule 6 here.

“In the event that we decide to kick/ban a specific user, that individual will receive a message from the admin team notifying them of the final decision.”

At then end of the day, Jaye and I decided to not inform those who were kicked the reason. It wouldn’t have changed the result and in all honesty, we were tired. If an issue wants to be taken up with that, it’s valid. However, no result would’ve been undone.

In most channels on the server, there are pinned messages about what a channel is for as well. This channel was always intended to be a difficult discussion channel, and those that enter are agreeing to engage in difficult discussions as it relates to the show. Krow broke rule 2 by making it personal. You can see the whole chain below. As for RVC, she made it clear she was no longer comfortable in the server and didn’t trust the admins, and decided to turn a situation that didn’t directly involve her to be about her.

After this, RVCBard was kicked. Throughout the life of the discord RVC was consistently combative and antagonistic towards members who’s views or opinions she didn’t agree with. Or if someone disagreed with her. It was an issue that would flare up often, but looked past because we wanted the server to be inclusive even at the detriment to the overall health of the server. We received multiple complaints from different members about RVC with the average complaint being that she made the user uncomfortable due to her approach to different discussions in varying channels. All of the above was taken into consideration that night, and was essentially the final straw.

And despite not being comfortable with approaching mods, she sent me the following after all this went down.

For clarification, I was not present at the time and woke up to multiple messages and had to catch up on my own. 

In the past, RVCBard had contacted me with an issue she saw in the server.

I talked it over with Jaye, and it was decided thirsting channels would be created to help address the problem. I show this as an example of good faith that when issues are brought to our attention, we look into it and do something about it if we’re able.

“It wasn’t long ago nearly 48 hours after I lost a family member that was dear to me that this mess ensued, I didnt carry my personal issues into conversation as I enjoy Christina and Ruby as a get away. Yet it is damn near sickening how an Admin can kick someone without warning because your losing an arguement. This isn’t an after-school special and it’s sad that this show that delivers it’s take on Black History and pain cannot be understood even by the simplest of minds, as they are too busy oversexualizing and insulting the Ruby and Chirstina Ship to understand that we see Christina and her flaws as well. I own 2 Discords myself and NEVER would I go out my way to make somebody feel uncomfortable like the way they did me.”

I was offline and asleep for the majority of this night. And this was the reaction to the news of her family member.

While the loss of her family member is tragic, and I sympathize with the loss, it is not a free pass. The kick happened because of hostility and personal attack. With a history of problematic behavior.

I wish to highlight this part from that paragraph

“as they are too busy oversexualizing and insulting the Ruby and Chirstina Ship”

I honestly have no idea who this is supposed to even be at. The entire discord is dedicated to Ruby and Christina. Oversexualizing? Really? Acknowledging Christina’s racism, in whatever form it presented itself in, is in fact seeing Christina and her flaws.

It is at this point I’d like to share the message Krow sent me after her removal and my response.

Now onto the video that was posted Jan 1st, 2021 that has resparked the drama. Which, the video is actually the worst offense done so far. I will address particularly awful points with timestamps that you can reference for yourself. Credit to @femeivor​ for helping with grabbing timestamps as I’ve stayed up incredibly late writing this all up.

To highlight the targeting that is going on in this video, I would first like to present the controversy surrounding LITTD chapter 5. Dandybear upon receiving valid criticism of her story replied with the following, which Krow decided to piggyback on.

With that shown, let's get onto the video titled “Dear AO3 Fanfic Writers”

1:41 - "there was this whole thing where they couldn't have a mature conversation as adults and decided to kick me and several other group members out for not feeling that way"

- If you’ve made it this far, you know how exaggerated this is.

2:10 - Says a couple of writers from the server are "abyssmal and you know it comes from their fucking area"

- Spoiler alert, at the end of this video she says her discord is a place to not be judged.

6:54 - huge rant about people having Christina be William in their fics even though that's canon compliant

- For this I shall simply copy and paste her own fic’s summary:

- When Ruby get's the chance of a lifetime to change her life working under Tic's strange yet introvert distant cousin Christina, she gets more than she bargained for. As Christina a well known lawyer struggles to free herself from her fathers abusive shadow after the death of her brother William and her elder brother Caleb; she seeks to gain control over the lodge her father has denied her as his only heir. Yet first Christina must clear her father and lodge members names a task that seems all to impossible under the watchful eye of her fathers righthand-man; yet such a task is proving itself to be difficult as she is taken by her new P.A. As Ruby finds out how to read the strange yet alluring Christina, a waiting William comes to make her dreams come true yet are all dreams true; yet she is sucked into into a world of wizards and dangerous turns. Can love come at such a time, or will the half-truths threaten to rip the two apart?

- I will also add here my OWN comment on said story

https://archiveofourown.org/comments/357964615

8:00 - straight up calling out Davenports, just not by name.

8:30 - says it's "disgusting" to have Christina spend a lot of time as William which is, again, canon compliant

11:00 - calls some fanfics "crap" and "torture porn for the soul"

11:14 - "I'm not trying to stifle creativity!"

- *stares into the camera like I’m in the Office *

11:33 - calls out a fic for including attempted rape when she has previously praised a fic that included CSA

11:50 - "you don't really understand these characters, you don't really understand her at all"

- Christina is not given some EPIC backstory in the show and literally no one knows that much about her. Only what we can perceive and deduce. Aka, tons of headcanons from everyone.

13:00 - now telling people what they should be writing instead

13:34 - mockingly calling out Dandybear again, this time with more than one fic

14:10 - once again telling people what they should be writing

14:30 - mocking people for writing smut then says “I don’t caaare - I mean I like that - I love smut….is that it?”

14:55 - "and I notice that some of you guys start out so great in your fics and then it goes down hill!"

- Is this encouragement or stifling creativity?

15:13 - calling out another fic

- I’m tired, are you tired?

15:33 - "Who the fuck writes this shit? Oh my fucking god! Are you guys just dumb? Are you guys stupid?"

16:00 - "Some of you wanna tag and say 'this is a Ruby and Christina Discord server [mocking noises] and if you don't agree with us we're gonna kick you out for no fucking reason!' You know? Shut the fuck up!"

- And if you’re THIS far, you very well know the reason and it definitely wasn’t NONE

16:16 - "you obviously don't know what Ruby and Christina mean to real fucking die hard fans"

- I personally love a classic gatekeep.

17:06 - "But for some of y'all to write these disturbing, disgusting fanfictions"

17:54 - calling writers racist for including racist characters in their fanfics for a show that included a lot of racism.

18:41 - says people are wasting her time because they're writing fics that she doesn't want to read.

18:49 - "This isn't for all fanfic writers. This is only for a couple of 'em. You know who the fuck some of y'all are. And shame on you for even doing this and writing this and trying to fucking push this kind of fanfic and this garbage off."

- If you’re gonna keep beating a dead horse and bringing up drama that you created again and again, start saying people’s names instead of hiding behind blanket statements.

19:07 - "And that's the whole problem why I decided to do Krows Korner. Because I'm so sick of these fandoms and even some of these professional writers running their ass around here, delivering garbage and people being a bunch of sheeple to say that this shit is the greatest shit ever. Honey, it's either you have dyslexia or a reading complex because I'm not really fucking seeing what you thought was so great about this fic." 

20:20 - "Join my Discord server if you wanna know the full, TRUE story about what happened at the other Discord server and how these people supposedly claim that they love Ruby and Christina but they support a racist fanfic writer who clearly does not understand about black relations, but lies and decides to be a dick every-damn-where"

- The clearest target at Dandybear herself is in this rant here. Which you can recall above from the screenshots I posted, that when confronted with valid criticism, aims to do better because we all have room for growth. Including racists characters can always be tough because they are uncomfortable characters as they are meant to be, but run the possibility of being too much. However they are not a direct reflection of an author’s view.

20:52 - "If you wanna join a fandom on Discord that doesn't judge you for liking what you like as Ruby and Christina, and even if we disagree, you know, still not have fear of being kicked out because you disagree, come join my shit. It's not even worth the headache, sweetie."

- Interesting take after making a whole video attacking writers/people you hate from your previous discord after you were removed for breaking rules aka personal attack. “doesn't judge you for liking what you like”

21:30 - "I don't care any fucking more. The drama is done, it's settled"

- Considering you have brought this drama up again, after your removal on the 11th of December 2020, I think you might still care.

21:33 - "I figure I would clear a record, basically, to what happened. And, you know, signify the issue that these motherfuckers is crazy. They're crazy as hell."

Everyone at the server had moved on and enjoyed the holidays, but this video has reopened a closed case due to the clear targeting of a writer who happens to be popular. Almost this whole video is an entire disguised attack towards her.

I sincerely hope this clears the air on everything that happened and continues to happen. You have the full story and can judge for yourself whether or not the kicks were justified. If you feel they weren’t, that’s fine and you can now join a new discord server of more like minded people. This continued targeting of Dandybear is unacceptable, and those of you in contact with Krow should not be allowing this to continue. Dandy is a real person like all of us, and if you have a valid criticism of her fic, you can do it in a rational manner. Or stop reading. Like every person ever has done in every fandom ever. Dandybear had no involvement whatsoever with the kicks of the server, they are simply a member and a writer in the fandom and this has gone too far.

If you feel like this server isn't the place for you anymore, I encourage you to find a new place to express yourself in the best way you'd like. We all came here to love Ruby and Christina and have a place to do so in an organized fashion. If you don't like the rules, or consider this place unsafe, I hope you find a community that aligns more with your interests and world view.

[infinitypassiveincome]

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EASY TO USE        

PRICE        

FEATURES        

QUALITY        

SUPPORT        

BONUSES        

SUMMARY

SociRobotic is a one-of-a-kind social media management suite that generates endless traffic, leads, and sales from over 11 different social media platforms without requiring any special expertise.

SociRobotic is the only All-In-One social media automation and traffic generation technology on the market, allowing you to generate highly targeted buyers traffic from 7 different social media networks to any page, website, or store in just a few clicks, with no technical expertise or setup required.

OVERALL

Pros

Simple Yet Powerful User Interface

Easy To Use Graphic Ready Made Templates

Emoji Library To Make Your Posts Pop

Track Everything From One Dashboard

Create Amazing Looking Blog Posts

Upload Video and Images To Increase Engagement

Send Email To Multiple Contacts In One Click

Commercial Agency License Included

Cons

So far, there are no downsides for SociRobotic. My experience using SociRobotic has been flawless.

SociRobotic Review – Features and Benefits

Easily Post Your Content To 11 Platforms With One Click: You just need to create content once, and it will automatically post it for you on all the 11 connected social networks.

Save Time With The “Schedule Your Post” Feature: You can schedule a post to go live on those platforms at a set date and time. Tell SociRobotic when you want each one to go live and the platforms it should be posted on. Then spend your valuable time on other important areas of your business, while SociRobotic posts them for you.

Create & Reuse Captions In 1 Click: With this, you can create short captions inside SociRobotic and reuse them over and over and over again any time you want to create a new post.

Add Unlimited Accounts And Group Them By Niche/Businesses: You can create as many accounts as you want inside SociRobotic, and group them according to niches or businesses. And since you’re getting a commercial license with this version of SociRobotic, it means you can create accounts for other businesses as well and help them run their social media activities.

Never Lack Content For Your Social Media Audience: You can integrate RSS feeds from blogs and websites that posts content relevant to your niche. It will pick up those contents when they release it, and share it with your social media audience automatically.

2GB Free Image Storage Included For You: It allows you to save up to 2GB in image files inside the app. With this, you can store up images there so the software can easily pick it up when it wants to make a post for you. You can also import content from Dropbox with ease inside the software.

All The Images You Will Ever Need For Your Social Media Posts: Using images downloaded from Google on your social media posts can get you into trouble. They don’t want that to happen to you, and that’s why they built in over 1 million royalty free images you can use for your social media posts.

Never Miss A Trend; Ride On It To Get More Traffic Using SociRobotic: You can simply enter a keyword within the app to find the trending hashtags for you related to that keyword on Instagram and Twitter. With this you can simply plug it into your posts and get more attention and traffic from your posts.

Post On Your Blog Too Without Logging Into Your WordPress Admin Area: You can connect your blogging platform to SociRobotic and post your articles directly to it without leaving SociRobotic.

2 Inbuilt Photoshop Like Image Editors: It also comes with dozens of templates so you do not need to brainstorm on designs to post etc.

Unlimited Social Media Management: You literally get unlimited use on all the features of SociRobotic on this page NO CAP.

Commercial License Included: Never post boring images ever again, with their inbuilt image editors, you will be able to edit pictures right before you post them on your social media handles.

SociRobotic Review – How does it work?

It’s so simple to use that there are only three steps:

Step 1: Log in to SociRobotic

Step 2: Connect your social media accounts. You can connect as many as you want…no limits

Step 3: Post your content and SociRobotic will push it to 11 social networks for you, bringing you loads of traffic.

It is now the best software for social media management and traffic generation. So sign up for SociRobotic right now. Connect it to the 11 social media sites that are associated with it. Experiment with the many amazing features it contains.

SociRobotic Review – My experience in using it

I have the chance to try using SociRoboticas as a beta user so you can totally trust me with my honest review about my thoughts and experience with this software.

But before that, I would like to walk you through all the fun and powerful features so that you can have a clear overview of the product and what it can really do.

Here I’m inside the SociRobotic Dashboard. It gives you a quick overview of the total number of posts including succeeded posts and failed posts. You can view it in total or in each social media just by choosing from the left column.

In the “Publish all” section, you can write your post from here and publish it to your favorite sites. You can upload any kind of media including photos, videos, links, or text. To post it directly, just click the “Post now” button. Or else you can choose to schedule.

Switching between platforms can be done with ease by just clicking at the icon of the social media you want to post to.

You can do that separately with each social media platform. For example, here I am writing my post for Facebook Also, you are able to add as many accounts as you like.

Similarly with any other platforms including Instagram, Twitter, Linkedin, Tumblr, and Reddit.

As I have mentioned before, you can schedule your posting. Free to check the posting calendar in the Schedules section. Everything is laid out logically, which makes it so easy to keep track.

Another feature that I like is that SociRobotic allows you to upload files from your Drive, Dropbox, or Cloud. You can see all of your files here.

You can also add and write a new caption. Just type in the caption box and click the Submit button below

One more thing that is extremely useful is that you can add watermarks to your post. All you need to do is upload the picture you want to make your watermark, adjust its size, position, transparency and finally save it. Then you have your watermark. How easy and simple.

MY OPINION:

SociRobotic allows you to add multiple profiles from various platforms and schedule social media updates at your leisure or utilizing a queue with times that you set.

You can configure the listening stream to display whatever profiles/hashtags you desire at any given time. From the news feed, you can reply, assign posts, forward posts, retweet, and retweet with comments.

They can also integrate with sponsored adverts, although we don’t utilize them for that. I like that you can view an upcoming post calendar so I can know if there are any holes in our schedule.

The dashboard is simple to use and offers a variety of views, including a calendar, so you can see whether you have a lot of messages that need to be spaced out. The SociRobotic All-Stars Slack channel is another source of information and support.

SociRobotic also has incredibly detailed reporting for each platform, which has given me a better understanding of how our accounts and postings are performing. It’s been quite beneficial. I used to always forget to publish before, but this has made it much easier to prepare ahead!

Who should buy it?

You’re already aware of SociRobotic’s ability to assist you with your internet business. It doesn’t matter if you’re a marketer, a realtor, a coach, or if you sell digital downloads, eCommerce products, or other services.

However, if you truly wanted to boost SociRobotic’s earning potential and establish a separate full-time income with only part-time effort, you could use SociRobotic to run your own posting service for both online and offline businesses.

Pros and Cons

SociRobotic Review – Pros:

Simple Yet Powerful User Interface

Easy To Use Graphic Ready Made Templates

Emoji Library To Make Your Posts Pop

Track Everything From One Dashboard

Create Amazing Looking Blog Posts

Upload Video and Images To Increase Engagement

Send Email To Multiple Contacts In One Click

Commercial Agency License Included

SociRobotic Review – Cons:

So far, there are no downsides for SociRobotic. My experience using SociRobotic has been flawless.

Price and Evaluation

FE (SociRobotic Pro – $21/$27):

One-Click Posting on Facebook pages, Facebook groups, Instagram, Linkedin, Twitter, Pinterest, Telegram and YouTube (plus Reddit) 8 Social Media Platforms

Facebook Group (Admin) & Page Posting

Reach 6.7 Billion Active users on Major Platforms

Organic Leads Without The Need To Advertise

Connect Unlimited Social Media Accounts

Schedule and Post Unlimited Posts Monthly

Create Unlimited Social Media Graphics Using Our Next Gen Image & Graphics Editors

2GB File Manager for Media Upload

Easy Media File Browsing

Drag-And-Drop Social Media Account Group Manager

Social Media Post Preview

Next-Gen Image Editors

Text, Link, Image & Video Posting

Captions Library for Your Favorite Post Captions

Clear Reporting per Social Media Platform

Post Planner for Queued, Published and Unpublished Posts

Instagram Story & Carrousel Posts with Geo Targeting

Commercial License for Sale of Commercial Products

Connect Unlimited Social Media Accounts

30-Day Money Back Guarantee

SociRobotic OTO 1 (SociRobotic Agency – $47):

Your Own Dashboard to Add & Manage Team/Clients

Complete User Management Ability

User Activity Reporting

SociRobotic Max Functionality to Publish on the 11 BIGGEST Social Media Platforms

An All In One Agency Suite that gives you 360 degrees management of your agency. From invoices to quotes to billing etc.

A Website to Gain New Local Business Clients (Including Instructions on how to deploy it)

A Sales Video Presentation you can easily edit with your logo and agency details.

A Professional PowerPoint Presentation For Your Sales Meetings

A Work Agreement Template

SociRobotic OTO 2 (SociRobotic DFY – $197):

We will brainstorm an agency name for you.

We will design a unique logo for you.

We will set up your agency website with all you need to get started.

We will set up your client manager account with your agency details.

SociRobotic OTO 3 (SociRobotic Whitelabel – $497):

We will set up SociRobotic on your own server with all our sales materials customized to fit your new software.

Conclusion

This is the end of my SociRobotic Review. I hope it will give you some useful insights about the product and how it can leverage your business. Don’t hesitate and click the sales button now to own such a great product and upgrade your business. Lastly, if you like this product or have any comments/questions, leave them below and let me know!

NOTE: THIS IS THE SPECIAL DEAL FROM ME: I Will Support You Whenever You Want. (Just Add My Skype: rick.nguyen61). If You Buy This Product From My Site, You Can Ask Me Anything You Want.

https://youtu.be/2q76-LjaGDE

[gevejsbvdj]

Fine. Pt 1

Okay. I did NOT want to do this. I don’t want it to look like I’m trying to start something. When I made the announcement post, I thought that would be it. But a lot of you got really angry and reeeeally bitter about it, suspiciously enough. I am actually hoping that after I post this, I get an explanation and an apology. I tried to explain to these people time and time again about how I was hurt by this situation but they refused to listen. So here I am, spelling it the fuck out. Also, this account is dead anyways and i am so tired of keeping this to myself. I can’t do it anymore. 

That’s enough preamble for now, I’ll make more notes at the end. Let’s get onto the “situation” that was the final straw for me and inspired my complete leave. 

For comprehension purposes, this took place in the Crackerbox Palace discord server. 

For a warning, I’m pretty theatrical when stressed. If I joke here I’m sorry. I’m going to hold back on the humor. 

CW: mentions of sexual abuse, pedophilia, racism, and seizures. You have been warned.

It sounds disgustingly simple, but when I joke about this (to myself, because it’s better than crying about it), I say that me having a seizure was the cause of this all. It isn’t really, but- let me explain. 

I was alone, and I was chatting with the people in the server when suddenly- I just felt fucking weird. Initially, I was like “oh what the hell” until I realized that the weird sensation was actually familiar. It’s what people who have seizures call an “aura” or a “ting”, and it’s a numbing, buzzing sensation that’s kind of like an alarm bell that lets your body know what’s about to go down. And I have a habit (you can decide whether it’s good or bad) where I feel like I have to tell anyone around me that I’m going to have a seizure as SOON as I recognize the aura. Well like I said, I was alone. There was no one physically around me that I could tell, but I already had the chat open, fingers on my keyboard, I typed: I think I’m gonna have a seizure. Something like that. And I did. Don’t worry, I’m fine now. The older I get, the less extreme my seizures are for the most part. I got a splitting headache for the next two days, but we’re getting it checked out! This is only context for what happened next. 

After that happened I eventually came to and as soon as my senses were recollected and my memory came back, I felt so embarrassed that I told my friends who I thought were super cool that I had a SEIZURE. But I noticed that Ley and Emma (in their genuine concern) were discussing seizures and how dangerous they could be, and was wondering if I was okay. I was honestly so relieved they weren’t laughing or anything like that. Vulture then responded saying “hey can you censor the word seizure, it’s a trigger.”, and so Ley and Emma did so. I was confused by this because I thought Vulture was saying it’s MY (me, a person who has them regularly) trigger, or that they were saying it was a trigger in general? I soon found out that it was a term on our “blacklist”, which makes sense.

So In our server, we had a channel (the prior mentioned blacklist channel) where people can suggest words and phrases to avoid. Phrases/topics that make you very uncomfortable, triggering, etc. Someone suggested that the name “Zack” be blacklisted because it’s the name of someone that manipulated them. And no, not Zach like me Zach, but Z-A-C-K, you know? Anyways, sometimes the sheltered southerner in me jumps out, and someone asking for that name to be blacklisted rocked my world! Even more so that the admins I worked with were willing to blacklist it. I thought, wait all this time I could have asked you all to blacklist a NAME that upsets me? I didn’t know I could do that. Never have I ever been in an environment where something like a name could be avoided to ensure my comfort. While THAT was what I was thinking, when I went to type it in the chat, it did not come off that way to vulture. Here’s what I said:

Vulture took what I said wrong, which is totally fair. Words fail me as they do everyone else, and looking back, I could have done better in explaining what I felt. I’m not blaming them for the misunderstanding, and I'm not even blaming me that much. It happens, man. But what got to me, was them accusing me of belittling or more so INVALIDATING the trigger. Me, someone actually has seizures, invalidating someone being triggered by them. Okay. Here was my response:

My response was unnecessarily snarky and I am still sorry for that. I thought I got better at thinking before speaking but it’s evident that it’s still something I need to work on. However, like I said I’ve never been one to accept it when someone’s trying to have an attitude with me. And no I’ll be the first to say that Vulture wasn’t explicitly rude to me, but I was gobsmacked that someone was trying to tell me how traumatic seizures are and accused me of invalidating them after I just said that I have them frequently. And that even after I explained what I meant, I was still met with an accusing response. Can you imagine if I went up to a homeless man and said “you have no right to invalidate my trauma with homelessness. I read matchbox girl.” Like okay? Also, yes that mod chat had a history with taking everything I said as aggressive or belligerent, hence my telling them to stop that. I was always met with a dismissive and antagonistic response. Remember that. I will get back to that. 

Because of Vulture’s immature response, I removed them as chat admin. Do I regret it? Halfway, yes. I should have pulled them to the side and spoke with them about what they did. But looking back on that, after seeing the things they’ve posted today? It’s probably for the best that they weren’t a part of the admin team. 

Andy (also known as shadowylemon here) and Cody are partners who also helped me run the server. They were admins,obviously. Andy asked me why I removed Vulture as Admin. I explained to him why, very civilly with the help of one of my friends because my response almost WASN'T. And to be frank, I ignored most of what he said because again I was being made to be the evil villain and I wasn’t being heard. So I ignored him. Also I was on a call so I wasn’t going to break my brain listening to ten people at once. I was so tired, my seizure happened like only a couple days prior and my head was still affected. 

I mulled over that whole ordeal for a bit until me and my friend (the same friend I mentioned earlier, who helped me with my response to Andy. Lenny. He also helped me mod there and was the original co-founder of the server) came to the conclusion that the mods were too young. We need an age limit. So I told them, like “hey you guys are fine for now but I think that in the future, we should start having the mods be older”.

 At this point I’m super careful with the way I word things. I’m always like that to be honest, as a black (visual-wise, a female) female you learn real quick that you’re the angry one in every situation unless you learn to talk super duper civil. But I didnt think I had to be that way in THAT server, you know? I thought I was safe there. Apparently not. Anyway-

I was met with, again, an aggravated “how dare you” type response from Cody. Which was okay with me, still is. When you work with someone in a group, you’re not going to agree with them all the time. So we were having a pretty civil, short lived back and forth until I mentioned that we tone it down on blacklisting every word. I suggested earlier to blacklist the word “blue” to see how far they would take it and they literally blacklisted it. I didn’t get to say this then, but I’m actually against over censoring, even if it’s supposedly for someone’s mental health. I have ADHD, RSD, on the damn spectrum, all that good stuff, so don’t come for me. But if you’re wanting to avoid words like blue, or a very common name, that is not my responsibility. That is your therapist. The server had people in there who- well English wasn’t their first language, and adding more barriers to their language is, I feel, very inconsiderate.

 Cody started to threaten to delete the blacklisting channel all together and was acting really panicky. AGAIN (if I can find the screenshots, I will share) I was met with a very victimizing, whiny response. Like come on now. I told them to please do not make me the aggressor or I will leave.

No response. 

So the rest of us were just getting ready to start a call and play some games until we noticed something. 

Channels, titles and colors, and nearly everything was being deleted. 

By who? Andy and Cody. This is just one screenshot. I wouldn’t include what’s over ten i have saved on my phone.

I was afraid that they got hacked and was being made to delete them. Until I thought “wait...it’s funny how they’re the only mods that are being ‘hacked’ while the rest of us were left alone. RIGHT after I just had a disagreement with them. Oh my god is this a tantrum.” The server then echoed my concerns. Please don’t be a tantrum. We noticed they left and so I dmed Andy. I said “Why” and he blocked me. That confirmed that it was indeed a tantrum. A tantrum because I IMPLIED that they were being micro aggressive towards me. Alright. 

Me and the server joined a sort of conference call where we discussed what happened and they asked me questions as well as talked about what our next move was. At the time, I thought I was being dramatic because my breathing was super labored, and my face was super hot, and my heart was pounding. I was furious. There was a tiny voice telling me that ‘hey, you’re mad because after you told them that you were uncomfortable and upset with them treating you like an unhinged angry person, they did all this shit’ but I ignored it. 

That is a common theme with me. I know a lot of you think I’m using my race as a weapon and that I call everything racist, but I HATE calling things racial discrimination for that exact reason. I don’t wanna look sensitive, or get called a snowflake. I honestly used to be a self-loathing black person, and you could hurl slurs at my face and I’ll excuse it. My friend group in the 9th grade was mainly racist white people. I’m so glad I grew out of that nonsense but damn some of that toxic mentality stuck with me to the point I never wanted to acknowledge when someone was biased against me. 

I mean, how could it be any more clear? Do I think that Andy and Cody are racist? Of. Course. Not. I think that’s why a lot of you got so mad at me when you realized that what you did was microaggressions rooted in racial bias. Because you thought I was calling you a RACIST.  I’ve had white people who will march with me during protests say and some really off-putting shit the next day. You can be an ally and make mistakes. You’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. None of us is. You have to allow yourself to make errors, and be confronted. Running away cursing and kicking rocks just tells me that you don’t want to listen to black people. 

But anyway, we attempted to move on from the childish ordeal and I enlisted the help of new people to help me mod since we were short two, and could have used the help anyway. 

We were doing alright, really. One day, though, Joane messaged me saying that Vulture wanted to apologize and wanted to talk. And I was like great now's the perfect time to talk to them like I should have the first time, but wrongly didn’t. So I told Joane to dm me. 

Well, Joane sent me a screenshot of some of hers and Vultures conversation.

As you can see I initially did feel willing to apologize and speak to vulture. Because like I said earlier, my snarky response was UNNECESSARY. However, Joane joining in the discussion with her “I can’t understand him which frustrates me lmao” peeved me. As did Vulture acting like I’m unhinged. While I didn’t need to make the “imma blacklist lmao and lol since it bothers you so much” comment at ALL, it wasn’t that deep….at all. Vulture has a habit of virtue signalling too. Their comment “I’m patient and forgiving” is an example. 

While I was annoyed initially, I soon felt pretty hurt that Joane would say that about me behind my back? It made me wonder if there was more she didn’t show me. Joane was a really good friend and I loved her a lot so I was extra sensitive about it. I’ve never spoken ill about her behind her back. 

Now, this is a recurring theme in this post but let me say now: I am aware that no one is OBLIGATED to treat me a certain way because I was nice to them. Of course not. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt? Talking negatively about someone isn’t a problem, but having them think you’re their friend while doing so is. You know? It’s very deceiving, but in Joane’s case, only slightly deceiving. 

So I just didn’t speak to her for a bit. I was already annoyed at having to re-build my server because of a couple of teenagers having a tantrum, as well as things that were happening in my personal life. Also, the news was no damn help at all, you all know. But I didn’t speak to her for the rest of the day and I...I hated it haha. I don’t like avoiding people when I’m frustrated, and after I saw what happened with Vulture when I did the same thing, I should know better. Plus I felt bad. Joane was still a friend, and I wanted to get to the bottom of things. 

I’m not going to include every little screenshot and whatnot, but I messaged her like hey what’s up let’s finish our discussion. Because I thought that at that point, I had my head screwed on a bit better. 

During our discussion, I eventually showed Joane me and vultures conversation, and she acted astonished that Vulture didn’t show her all the context, and even said that they were being irrational. This was after I told her that after everything Andy and Cody did, they made a server with Vulture to which she informed me that she was aware, and she was invited. Honestly, at the time I didn’t think vulture was being irrational. While I said it’s no excuse, PTSD can make us say and do pretty wild things, and calling someone like that irrational feel like ableist language. 

So me and Joane had a little moment. I apologized to her, and she apologized to me.

I was sure that after we both had our respective breaks, that we would be good to continue our friendship like normal. Just a bump in the road. It happens

That was until I got a certain anon from Vulture. 

She asked me why we were done, but when I went to ask her “what in the world did you say to them” she blocked me.

Sorry I keep showing me messaging them, I just don’t wanna get lied to or something again. 

I was really sad about that. I went to bed, and when I woke up, I was still sad. Joane was telling me one thing, and Vulture another thing. She was changing her opinion on a person depending on who she was talking to. It was dizzying and disingenuous and I didn’t even get to talk it out with her because she blocked me. Which was really suspicious. She told me that she would be taking a break from the server and that she still respected me as a friend, but went to vulture and told them that I treated her like SHIT, or at least acted enough like a victim to make them accuse me of that. I’m sorry, but where in the world did I do that? If me confessing to someone that they hurt me is the same thing as treating them like shit, then fuck man a lot of us are assholes. 

Wow, look at me treat her like shit. Absolute garbage right?

I wasn’t even being completely honest to Joane about my feelings for that reason. Because of accusations like this. Another instance of someone taking literally me being normal and civil as being AGGRESSIVE. Vulture, I’m sorry for accusing you of utilizing white girl tears. I accused the wrong person. But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. 

I went to our #vent channel on the server and told whoever was online and whoever was listening about the whole ordeal, and how HURT I felt because I was literally played by this girl. And I was accused of basically being abusive. Treated her like shit? Cmon man…

But another user in the server, as it turns out, had a similar experience with Joane, and provide in-depth screenshots. Which made me even madder, so we kept venting about the situation. 

Also, because of a couple of dms, and because the more I ranted, the more pained I got, I felt compelled to say the following, NOW LISTEN CLOSELY:

I first prefaced my concerns by saying “I AM BY NO MEANS CALLING JOANE A GROOMER”. That was fucking useless of me to say because- okay I’m getting ahead of myself. 

So I was saying (and in hindsight, I shouldn’t have. I know. But like I said, it was in the heat of the moment and I got a dm that made me feel bad) that it was strange how as soon as someone young and innocent was present, Joane would cling to them in an obsessive way. I’m not the only one who noticed that, and even one of the younger users in question agreed to my statement. 

Listen fucking closely. I don’t think Joane is a sexual predator at ALL. That’s why I had that warning before I said anything in the chat. I do, though, think that if you’re a grown adult and you’re obsessed with being friends with people who are as young as 14, that it’s concerning, not in a sexual way, but in a power dynamic way. I’m only 19 and I honestly don’t get older people who become besties with much younger people. I was “friends” with the users as well, but I was a mentor/brother/dad more than anything. Do you understand? When I was 15, I’ve had people who were 20 and older become my friend and dump their adult problems onto me, as well as expect adult reactions and responses out of me. It was stressful and damaging and I did not want that happening to anyone else, especially the younger people in the chat. Okay? Okay. 

That being said, my protectiveness is a major flaw of mine. Oh my god, do I take it too far sometimes, man. I didn’t want really young teenagers (13-16) to have a serious relationship with an adult because of what happened to me, and I didn’t want Joane to play and hurt anyone else the way she did me and my other friend. So I went into the announcements channel and told the users to read what we’ve been saying in regard to Joane and come up with your own decision. I did not have to do that, I can sit here and say that the things that transpired the past few days really took a toll on me whatever blah blah blah. But I could have kept it in vent, really. And the dumb thing is, that before I sent that message in announcements, I was literally telling myself that THIS is a bad idea. GOD, Zach. But I was at work, it was the last day before holidays started, and I was feeling super protective and I wasn’t thinking and- well yeah. 

During all of this, I was having a conversation with vulture in Tumblr dms. I gathered the courage to finally dm them after receiving the anon. That conversation was on my old Tumblr, so I don’t have a screenshot of the key points, but I typed my starting message in notes, and this is what I said:

“Hi vulture. I don’t want to be here for long but I just wanna ask: why? You accused me of invalidating a trigger and even after I told you that’s not what I meant you still went off on me? You’re mad at me about an inaccurate perception and it really upset me. I’ve been terrified of talking to you specifically because I’ve been dealing with micro aggressions from you, Andy, and Cody and it’s really been wearing me down. And when I told Andy and Cody about their treatment of me, they deleted shit from my server and leave? How do you think that makes me feel as a black person? Makes me never want to talk about my feelings ever again out of the fear of being antagonized. I’m sorry I was snarky towards you, if you didn’t like my remark about “lmao” and “lol”. I agree it was immature. But don’t forget you came at me first. If you’re willing to further discuss this with me then great, which I am sure you are seeing that you asked me to on anon. I finally gathered the courage to contact you so let’s do this.”

We had a brief conversation. Vulture dismissing my microaggressions concerns but really- it happens so much that at that point I was so numb to it. Also a little bit “it’s not about your race. Remember when I…” more virtue signalling. Bleh. But after all, I did thank them for actually wanting to talk to me. Andy didn’t wanna do it. Cody didn’t wanna do it. Joane didn’t want to. Vulture did. And I appreciate that to this day, after everything. I can always admire that about someone. 

It ended prematurely because of me. I was at work and got distracted by that as well as by what happened in the server next. 

Emma sent a pretty long message basically calling all of us out for “bullying Joane” and talking ill of her behind her back, as well as announcing that she would be leaving the server and that we should all be ashamed of ourselves. This was right after someone confessed that Joane made him feel uncomfortable with constant flirting. I admitted that I should not have put the message In announcements, but guys.

I went off. I couldn’t hold back anymore. I was sick of trying to be docile and sweet. I didn’t care if I would be portrayed as the angry black again I DID NOT CARE. Bullying Joane? Me talking about how she hurt me is bullying? Let’s look up what that means. 

Yeah okay. That’s incorrect usage, right? I didn’t even call Joane names. I didn’t persistently harass her. I spoke about what she did to me in distaste, but I was done with her as a friend at that point, and she knew that, so was not going behind her back. I wasn’t being predatory towards her. And I definitely wasn’t being AGGRESSIVE or BLUSTERING. Emma was using broad pronouns and terms (you guys, you all, etc) but I knew she was talking about me, as I was the most prominent in my venting about Joane due to my situation with her happening just yesterday. I sent the most messages, I- while wrong in doing so- posted the announcements. That message primarily was directed towards me. When I say that microaggressions tear you down, it tears you THE FUCK down. 

That being said, I did cuss Emma out (she wasn’t present when I went off, but still) and cussed out everyone who agreed with her. I was so blinded by rage and hurt I don’t even remember at all what I said. One line that sticks out to me though is “y’all saw a white girl crying and thought oh man we can’t have that” and that’s a mantra I’ve repeated a couple of times when I find myself in scenarios such as this one. 

But- I do regret going off like that. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t justified slightly, though. I don’t expect any of you to understand completely what I went through, but please try. I regret going off like that, though. And I’m sorry. 

I guess I was also upset because I was JUST in a good mood? I was literally singing to myself all happy and shit, but Emma’s inconsiderate message threw me off. It’s making me even more upset now that I know why she said that. She wasn’t the only person to tell me I should be ashamed of myself for manipulating (yes, MANIPULATING) Joane. 

I dmed Emma in an attempt to fix things, but i gave up quickly. I was too raw with emotions anyways. So I mournfully told her that we probably should’t be friends anymore, to which she responded

Carelessly?...ouch.

From the moment Joane dmed me about Vulture, and the moment Emma sent that message, all of that transpired within three days. Three fucking days and THAT much happened. It was taking a toll on me, that’s not even counting Andy and Cody’s tantrum. 

I was in a dark place, still am. I made a post saying that I was going to take a break from Tumblr and then made one saying that I was going to kill myself in the tags. Not exclusively because of all this, of course. So. Much. Bullshit. Happens to me on a daily basis. Abusive parents. Sexual assault. Racism that’s actually violent. Dying relatives. So much. I’m crying as I type this it’s just so much. In real life, I have no friends. Not even fake acquaintances. Yes, I cut off all those people because they were extremely toxic, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have literally no one. That server was my escape. Parents fighting? Open discord. Mental spiral? Discord is there. Just had a seizure? Don’t worry, you have friends. And now I don’t. And all because of some dumb shit that wouldn’t probably have happened if two kids didn’t get mad at ME because THEY were ignorant. I know it’s not good to rely on a server to improve your mental health, but I couldn’t help it. I was desperate. And I really did think so highly of everyone in that chat. I loved them.

I received a couple asks that night saying that I don’t have to hurt myself, I’m loved, all that. Very kind messages. And right when I was going to delete the post (I was so embarrassed for posting it), I got a message from ley that read something like “I don’t agree with what you said at ALL but that doesn’t mean I want you to kill yourself or leave” something along those lines. I thought, really? You couldn’t just say you didn’t want me to leave and have it at that? 

I really don’t want to make it seem like I posted something so graphic for attention, man. I can’t stand that manipulation tactic and I don’t want that harmful stigma about suicidal people to be encouraged. 

But Ley’s message threw me off. Agree with what I...huh? Then it pissed me off

So I deleted my account. And fell off the face of the earth for 15 days. 

[strrawberrymoon]

name  /  alias : leigh  gender  /  pronouns : female + she/her where  ya  from  ? : europe 👀 the  current  time :  18:53 height :  164 cm, i think that’s 5′4 job  or  major :  double major in sociology and media communications, still grinding pet  (  s  ) :  two dogs! one is a 7 year old maltese and the other a 3 year old cane corso favorite  thing  (  s  )  about  yourself :  im a great listener and i give great advice, i’m straighforward which some people don’t like but oh well, i’m pretty adaptable. i got some nice titties any  special  talents  ? :  i can roll my tounge in any direction + crack a lot of knuckles ajkdshaj

why  you  joined  hqclouds :  i’ve been itchng to write more lately, so when love told me about their group i thought i’d give it a shot !!

meaning  behind  url :  strawberry moon was just a recent occurance irl which was really cool + i associate marinette with strawberries for some reason, and i’m a big fan of the lady moon

last  thing  you  googled :  i’m having some issues with my michrophone and zoom so i googled how to fix it, but no dice

birthday  /  zodiac :  leo ! my birthday is august 11th in  your  opinion  ,  does  your  sign  suit  you  ? : yes and no. leo’s are very misunderstood imo, but each sign has the “more popular” or well known traits and then there’s the flipside of the coin—which i think suits me more myers  -  briggs :  ISFP / INFP moral  alignment :  chaotic idiot hogwarts  house : gryffindor

three  fictional  character  (  s  )  you  see  yourself  in  +  why :  i honestly see myself in katara from atla, the whole smothering mothering routine. it’s becoming a regular thing for my friends to say “thanks, mom” or “ok, mom” so i guess i’m the mom friend. also fred weasly... he’s a twin.. i’m a twin... that’s all i need. and lastly, and very leastly, neil josten from all for the game series. most of you probably don’t know it, but he’s a demisexual chaotic idiot who says “i’m fine” way too much for someone who is most definitely not fine.

i  started  roleplaying : probably when i was around 16-17 was my first official roleplay experience. it was on facebook and kind of a nightmare types  of  rps  i  enjoy :  i like college stuff and small town rps, but i also love plot heavy rps that push you into developing your muse. really anything that isn’t too restricting favorite  fcs  to  use :  i don’t have go-to faceclaims. i tend to make a character around a FC and then use them until i lose muse or just feel like they need to rest. switch it up a lot, but some faces that i’ve really enjoyed playing for a longer amount of time are steven kelly, cindy mello and ellen v. lora fandom  (  s  )  you’d  like  to  write  in : i want to write in all of the fandoms i know nothing about and look like a dumbass. also harry potter, the hunger games, avatar the last airbender, gossip girl, etc etc fandom  (  s  )  you  aren’t  in  but  are  curious  about :  marvel somewhat, any video games are very fascinating to me even though i’m not a gamer + know nothing about them, any distopian kind of fandom re: hunger games

share  a  funny  roleplay  horror  story :  recently an admin of a twitter rp tried to use my male muse for their weird ship narrative. they tried to make him look like an asshole (& i do play assholes but this one wasn’t one) + used another male muse to make it seem as if these two boys were fighting over the person’s girl, even though she actually had a ship all lined up. they were also running the gossip twitter, so they made up a bunch of stuff about our muses without our consent and consequently i told them to fuck off, and both of us left the group. then she had no more “groupies” so she cuffed and the group closed two days later. it was petty hilarious.

fondest  roleplay  memory :  once in an OC group, i wasn’t “technically” doing a ship with a friend, even though the characters had feelings for each other. but for some reason the status of their relationship was a hot topic group wide, meaning everybody had their nose in it and wanting to know what’s up, so they publically kept doing things to make people think they’re together while denying it in the same breath. it was really fun to let it play out like that.

favorite  canon  muse  (  s  )  to  play : roy mustang from fullmetal alchemist, katara from atla, and my baby marinette favorite  original  muse  (  s  )  to  play : the last original character i played and fell in love with was named alex. im obsessed with him. still doing 1 x 1 with his girlfriend. they’re having a baby, it’s all very emo and domestic. maybe i make him relapse for funsies. canon  ships  you  can’t  help  but  love :  lupin x tonks from harry potter, korra x asami from legend of korra, danerys x daario naharis from game of thrones, katniss x peeta from the hunger games, etc... trope  (  s  )  you  tend  to  be  guilty  of : i use the rich kid douchebag stereotype a lot. i also make a lot of my characters addicted to something to make them struggle with that.

i  prefer  .  .  . angst  ,  smut  ,  or  fluff :  bro... i am a sucker for ansgt and smut. i do fluff on special ocassions >:) long  or  short  replies :  i prefer when they start out shorter, but medium is my fave pre  plotting  or  chemistry : chemistry all the way. plotting can be really fun but it’s a miss more often than a hit for me. plotting can be good for pre-established relationships but that’s about it sentence  starters  or  headcanon  memes : sentence starters single  muse  or  multimuse  blogs :  i’ve never done a multimuse blog, and i’ve actually been super against them in the past, but i’m starting to change my mind hehe gif  icons  ,  medium  gifs  ,  or  static  icons : static (or none honestly)

grab  the  book  nearest  to  you  and  pull  a  quote  from  it :  ❝ You were children. was there no one to protect you? ❞ — ❝ Was there no one to protect you? ❞

what’s  a  quote  or  song  lyric  that  speaks  to  your  soul  ? :  ❝ I loved her, and sometimes, she loved me too ❞ 

top  current  celebrity  crushes :  zendaya, margot robbie always last  movie  you  watched :  365 days (2020) did  you  like  it  ? :  i hated it, what a waste of a perfectly good 2 hours  favorite  movie  (  s  )    of  all  time : harry potter franchise makes me nostalgic, perks of being a wallflower, my sister’s keeper favorite  tv  show  (  s  )  of  all  time : for some reason i’m obsessed with grey’s anatomy but i hate it favorite  tv  show  that  hasn’t  ended : well fricking grey’s anatomy favorite  series  of  books  /  novels  /  comics : the hunger games, harry potter sports  team  (  s  )  you  rep : my friend is into sports i rep her ksdsdj favorite  video  game  (  s  ) : the sims. i like playing animal crossing vicariously through switch owners favorite  youtube  channels : don’t usually keep up with yt channels but i just binged some stuff from psychology in seattle hobbies :  procrastinating

what  are  the  three  non  essential  things  you’d  bring  to  a  deserted  island  ? : sunglasses, hairtie, hand cream

put  your  music  on  shuffle.  what  six  songs  pop  up  ? : 

say goodbye by skillet, 

off the grid by alina baraz & khalid, 

bury a friend by billie eilish, 

break up with your girlfriend by ariana grande

get back by nine lashes

marry you by bruno mars (man)

personal  aesthetic : growing out my hair only to always wear it in a bun dream  vacation  ? : i just wanna go to the seaside with my friends dream  job  ? :  i literally can’t stand capitalism. wanna move to italy and collect berries and draw titties all day dream  car  ? :  something that drives itself if  i  could  live  anywhere  ,  it’d  be : somewhere in canada near the woods favorite  musical : mama mia? counts favorite  food  (  s  ) :  bananaaaaas, ice cream, cereal. these are all foods ok coffee  order : i don’t drink coffee unwatched  stuff  in  your  netflix  /  hulu  /  etc :  13 reasons why (i’m too bored), the flash, outer banks, elite, the half of it, intersteller, locke & key aaand some stuff that’s not mine but someone else using my account

what’s  a  subject  you  know  too  much  about  +  never  get  tired  of  talking  about  ? : idk anything about anything askldhl

[askmeanythingmeme]

Text prompts, team! Go crazy, be creative, have fun. 

[text] Today I asked my mother to buy me smaller condoms by mistake, instead of smaller tampons. If she pitifully looks at your crotch the next time you come over, don’t be confused.

[text] You yelled at the kitchen sponge and asked for the Krabby Patty secret formula. I’m pretty sure you were drunk.

[text] I just finished watching Alice in Wonderland for the third time in a row. I’m starting it again. I’m eating cocoa puffs. I’m a grown man. If you’re ever feeling down about yourself, just remember that you could be me.

[text] It’s been twelve hours and I think I’m officially ready to enter into the slutty stage of the break up phase.

[text] The last time I heard someone say ‘YOLO,’ I ended up getting arrested for pole dancing in the middle of a shopping mall. Too soon.

[text] On a scale of 1 to I should go prepare a grave for [him/her] in the woods, how’re you handling the break up?

[text] So anyway, the moral of that story is that they actually have a tiny jail in malls.

[text] I caught him masturbating to the Mario Bros. theme song. I’m marrying him.

[text] I just remember a disco ball flashing in the bathroom as I finger-banged a drag queen’s cleavage.

[text] You ran around town with nothing but my sister’s barbie doll taped to your junk.

[text] FUCK. FUCK. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T USE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH. IT’S NOT SAFE.

[text] You know how I sent you that selfie of me peeing on a cop car? Burn your phone. And if the cops stop by your door, I have a twin named Miguel.

[text] THE BABY IS CRYING THE MICROWAVE’S ON FIRE AND THE DOG IS DRAGGING HIS NEUTERED BALLS ACROSS THE FLOOR. BABYSITTING IS EASY, THEY SAID.

[text] On the plus side I started dissolving vitamins into my morning bottle of whiskey.

[text] Please tell me you don’t know why the dean came to me asking why there was blood in our dorm.

[text] WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY! THE SKY IS GREEN, THE GRASS IS BLUE, AND THE TRESS ARE JUST BLOWING THROUGH THE LEAVES!

[text] You told them the TV just grew wings, unbolted itself from the window and threw itself at the ground, and then started to cry because you believed your own story and thought it committed suicide. I’m pretty sure the police were justified in drug testing you.

[text] Hyyypothetically, if you happened to run out of toilet paper and the only other people in the bathroom were the two people having sex in the next stall over, would you act like you didn’t know what was going on and just ask, or politely wait until you heard the chick swallow?

[text] I am literally ashamed of what I would do for a Klondike bar.

[text] His grandmother ripped off her clothes and started belly dancing. I couldn’t look away. I blacked out and woke up in a fetal position.

[text] MY FIRST GAY EXPERIENCE WILL BE DONE RIGHT, DAMMIT. IT WILL BE DRUNK AND MEANINGFUL.

[text] I remember my bellybutton getting licked, your toe getting sucked and your ex-boyfriend doing better at deep-throating a banana than both of the gay guys in our class. What happens in the back of the bus stays in the back of the bus.

[text] I just caught two people fucking in a bathroom stall. At my church. While there was a sex addicts support group going on. Maybe I’m wrong, but this seems a little counterproductive.

[text] She climbed on top of me and made out with me and then yelled at me when I got a hard-on. Bitch, nachos turn me on.

[text] If she was stupid enough to believe that you’re a student at Harvard, she deserves what she gets if she dates you.

[text] She told me she’d flash me if I tried to be happy. I thought she was joking so I laughed. Best mistake of my life.

[text] Don’t worry, if we end up getting chased by a murderer, we’ll just split up. Whoever he runs after, sucks for them. That means you’ve got like, at least a 50% chance of survival if you come camping.

[text] She called me a fuck twit today. I’m counting it as progress.

[text] The Trojan Horse shoved itself through the city wall, broke open, released a ton of little guys into the city and ruined everyone’s day. Explain to me how Trojan seemed like a good name for a condom brand.

[text] If you listened to the voicemail you got from me about how much I love [insert name here] … I totally didn’t mean you. I definitely meant this other person I know.

to participate, please post your ask box, and tag the post with askmeaskcall (and post in the discord channel)

we like giving and receiving around here, please be willing to do both if you chose to participate.

please post your askbox in the discord channel, if you are not in discord, don’t worry admin will do it for you.

send the meme via ask box, the receiver can then either answer with a link to a created text chat, or answer as they would a normal ask. we do suggest you use the first option to make reblogging easier.

you’re not required to send a text to everyone, especially if a character has already sent one to you, but please make sure you’re branching out and creating interactions and plots that perhaps you haven’t in the past.

please please check the discord channel/tag to make sure we’re including everyone.

you don’t have to have posted your ask box to send one to another player.

super simple. have fun, and any further questions or problems, contact admin

credit

[adminpoetryclub13-blog]

MEMBERS

Member count: 22

Giuls (president): Lover of everything pink and sparkly, I am the mom friend who makes sure everyone is well-fed and having a good time. I am the founder along with Amber and was elected president. You can find her @giulswrites.

Mira (vice president): 16 years old, from the Netherlands. She is a wanderer with dreams. Poetry to her is a way to express her imagination and experiences into words. Meanwhile, she is still figuring out her place on this planet. Also, she likes to draw illustrations now and then. She is an assistant for PC13. You can find her @blacknwh1te-cray0ns.

Lexi (secretary): 19 years old; from Germany. She is the secretary and keeps everyone informed. Also, she is in charge of reblogging your poems, so if you don’t see your writing reblogged please contact her. For her poetry is a way to experience long-forgotten feelings, but also get her current feelings in order and understand herself better by expressing them in poetry. You can find her @lexiklecksi.

Asa: I'm a 23 year old author with 6 published books, at least two more to publish by the end of 2018, and many more to come. Writing, poetry included, is a way of life to me. It's using words to create an identity. It's showcasing your affection, the things in your head, the light and darkness. It's observation, knowledge, curiosity, and so much more. You can find me @racksley.

Ash: Hey! My name is Asawari. I am 20 years old. I love to engage in craft work, and always challenge myself to do new things. Poetry for me is being in the moment and conversing with it , from messy hair to heavy downpour , chirping of birds to pillow fights , I just capture these in my words to relive it. I crave for peace and chocolates and believe in free flowing of emotions. You can find me at @beboundless.

Dani Sweets: I'm a writer committed to sharing and improving my craft. I love seeing what I can create and what I can learn to do and not to do from other writers. To me, poetry means release. You can find me at @unedited-emotions.

Dolores: A lost soul batlling rhymes and emotions one by one. Inspire and be inspired. You can find me @allisbullshit.

Estevão Fernando: I'm 20 years old, I'm a Law student and I just love writing and deep self-thinking. Poetry for me is like magic through words. There's no other way to explain it. It saved my life in the past and it keeps saving it whenever I have a meltdown, a breakdown or simply want to enjoy reading quality content. I don't consider myself a poet (even though I was told before that I am), just a writer, what for me is already enough to be who I am. You can find me @stoic-words.

Gina K. Judy: 57 years old; from the USA. She is a Chief Operations Officer of a large not for profit social service organization. Her pop wisdom style of writing is filled with experiences of personal great loves, humorous life moments, and more pain than Billy Holiday. You can find her @cocktailnapkinmusings.

Haseeb:  I am, what they would call, a child conflicted by terrible instances of the past, and monotonous noises of the present. Like all poets, I was able to learn how to channel this unfortunate circumstance into an amazing literary art; poetry.You can find me @darkenallhope

Hyuri: 22, black, and I'm a graduate student. Food, great tv shows(especially anything Shonda Rhimes related), and traveling, and are all things that bring me joy. Poetry is the way I express the truths, emotions, and feelings i'm not otherwise able to share. I write to distress and to introspect. It allows me to feel, process, and turn my pain into something beautiful. You can find me @invoked-emotion.

Isorosa: Night owl, city crawler, book lover, poetry is the only way I can speak to the world. You can find me @iso-rosa.

Kelly:  I am a mother of two teen girls. Newly hella gay lol have a beautiful girlfriend whom most of my poetry is about. Work at a soup kitchen and love helping people. Some say im a healer or an empath but i think im just kind 😘🤘🍑 I am 25 years old; constantly learning to cope with life while finding the joy in it. I love my mom and daughter. I love my cats even though they are stuck up. Poetry is an outlet, it helps keep me sane.You can find me @brnbabe

Linda:  I am 25 years old; constantly learning to cope with life while finding the joy in it. I love my mom and daughter. I love my cats even though they are stuck up. Poetry is an outlet, it helps keep me sane. You can find me @zestygingersoda

M’leigh: Hello I'm M'Leigh, I'm currently a freelance writer, author, and blogger. I love the arts; music, making art in different ways painting, drawing etc, but my main love is writing. In particular poetry to me is an outlet, "its like breathing for the soul" (from the show recess). Its were folks like myself can share their hearts and minds in a special way. My hope, my goal is to use my writings to spread Much Love and understanding to others as well as share my thoughts and feelings that may otherwise not have a voice. You can find me @mleighsquickspot

Manya Saxena: Poetry is a way of expressing my feelings. The lack of which has always been my major concern. It had improved a lot on my personal being and has added successfully to my personality. I love nature and everything that comes along with it. From human interactions to listening to their stories is what I love for.  You can find me @manyasaxenawrites

Marisca:  I am a very average human being that enjoys anime and movies in general. I am a massive Marvel fan! I like a wide variety of music (literally from classic to metal). My Saturdays start with horse riding and I also like running (horse riding and running both calms me down a lot). For me poetry is my way to show people what is going on in my cluttered head since I am not very good with talking about what I feel. In my poetry I usually show pieces of myself to the reader, whether it is a pessimistic out look on life (which is common for me) or the fact that I think love is very sweet. I nearly always show a true part of myself. You can find me @1blackwhiteblue1

Maya: I am a Tamil born American living in Mozambique and working in the health sector of foreign aid. Writing is my way of connecting with the world around me as well as the world inside. You can find me at @maya-doolali.

Rameshwar: For me poetry means the Expression of feelings through words. You can find me @ramschavan.

Sara: I'm an emotionally closed off person, unless I'm writing. It helps me feel and clear my mind, and it makes my feelings feel real and valid. You can find me @sacchareen.

Talha Nadeem:  I'm talha and I'm 15. I've been passionate about literature since the age of 13 and I've been writing since then. Poetry's a way through which I escape everyday turmoil. I use poetry to find out who I am, I'd call it my path to self discovery. I think every person has a way he expresses himself. For me, it's poetry. You can find me @talhas-thoughts.

Zashes:  I'm someone with a heart that feels a lot, I'm someone who loves to dwell in another world. People have turned cold and harsh in this world so poetry keeps me alive and warm. Poetry sounds to me like that cup of tea without which one cannot commence their day. It's special. I do not write to merely write, I write to exhale, to express and to set free all the thoughts that keep imprisoning me. Overthinking and overfeeling probably turned me into a writer. I may not write perfectly but I try to express myself so that I continue to breathe! You can find me @sparkandashes

Former admins: 3

Alexander (vice president): Ancient, godless, countryless heathen that writes poetry for the joy of magic. He shares the vice president position with Amber. You can find him @arcane-ethereality.

Amber (vice president): 17 years old; from the Netherlands. She shares the vice president position with Alexander. You can find her @a-holy-mind.

Rae (vice president): 19 years old; from the USA. She is an audiology (ear doctor) student living on coffee, chocolate, and hugs. Writing is her way of discovering, connecting, sharing, and releasing. She wants to change the world and doesn’t quite know how, but she’s on her way. You can find her @universalmemoir.

[hugotorres]

(tom maden, cismale, he/him) —— oh, look! it’s our favorite camper, HUGO TORRES. their file says they are EIGHTEEN years old and reside in the ZEUS cabin. i hear they’re actually EMPATHETIC and PLUCKY, but they can get kinda IMPETUOUS and TRUCULENT. rumor has it HE WAS ONE OF THE YOUNGEST CAMPERS TO EVER GO ON A QUEST. but hey, what do you expect? it’s in their blood. (mark, 22, he/him, est)

hey mtv cribs what’s up i’m hugo welcome to my cabin 

ok so hugo’s A Lot and i’m gonna apologize for him now. that being said he’s got no chill and neither do i so let’s go

first. full about here, maybe some wanted connections will be here someday

also hi i am mark i am your admin here at goldenfleecehq and i hope you enjoy your stay. i’m 22, i am in the EST timezone and i recently graduated college with a degree in theatre. no i don’t know what i’m doing with my life. 

*john mulaney voice* excuse me. i am homeless. i am gay. i have aids. i’m new in town.

ok so hugo!!!! long story short he’s got a long history of not feeling Good Enough

could never compare to his mortal siblings, could never get his parents’ attention without getting himself in trouble, always working to prove himself to zeus

literally the first thing i wrote about him was “young scrappy and hungry” bc yeah i’m theatre trash but it’s ACCURATE

he’s always been a fighter like he got in hella trouble as a youth for getting into little scraps during recess n shit and he was probably only the instigator about 40% of the time!!

he’s irrational and angry and ready to fight but he’s got so many ideas and he wants to be a good leader but he doesn’t know how

he’s fuckin thirsty for any type of attention. good, bad, platonic, romantic, parental. just notice him jfc 

when he found out he was a demigod, everything really made sense and he really feels like he belongs at camp half-blood

but that doesn’t mean he feels like he fits in. he does fit in but he’s worried that people don’t actually like him or trust him. 

he feels like they don’t take him seriously. 

he feels like he doesn’t deserve to be zeus’ son

so yeah when he first got to camp circa age ten(?) he was thrown into the hermes cabin bc zeus was like... “i’m not getting bitched at for ANOTHER kid until he proves himself”

and prove himself he did bc somehow this brat got himself involved in a quest when he was fuckin ten years old. 

anyway details are fuzzy on that bc i’m delirious with hunger as i’m typing this

spoiler alert: expect this shit to come up in a task somewhere along the way.

so hugo kept proving himself and became a valuable asset to the camp, kind of to the point where he fucked himself over bc when the war came they were like... hey why don’t you stick around here and keep shit running smoothly 

which he was NOT a fan of but he kept it going on the homefront!! think captain america performing for the USO instead of fighting 

anyway he’s charismatic and literally inherited leadership skills from zeus so he keeps being like a Go To Guy around camp!!!

until the roman attack, at least. in battle, he made several questionable calls that nearly got himself and a few other campers killed. it was a disaster and it’s changed his perception around camp (and his perception of himself)

no longer the self-assured, overconfident-but-friendly boy he was before. he’s working to get better, but he faces a lot of self-doubt and has the tendency to withdraw within himself when things get tough. 

he’ll still put on a brave face and get shit done, but the cool guy act is MUCH more of a facade than it once was

he’s constantly doing little things to get himself back in the favor of chiron and mr. d and even the gods (lol like any of them are paying attention)

has been itching to go on a quest and redeem himself

some other, less sad things about hugo!!

he’s a giant nerd. loves star wars a lot (aka his blog title) 

his weapon of choice is a celestial bronze spear, through which he can channel lightning (yes i stole this from thalia but she’s a huntress anyway so she’s not using it!!) but also he just likes using it as a regular spear too 

as a child of zeus he possesses aerokinesis (air manipulation), atmokinesis (controlling the weather) and electrokinesis (lightning and electricity). 

first and foremost he is ASS at controlling the air like... u know how jason grace can fuckin fly at will???? not hugo. he can barely make a wind chime make some noise 

he’s learning to control the weather. not very good but he’s trying. this he blames on being stuck in camp half-blood where the weather doesn’t change but really it’s bc he sucks

but he DOES excel in the lightning/electricity department!!! fun fact he used to make lightning flash when he would throw temper tantrums!! (aka it still happens every once in a while)

um yeah so that’s hugo. i’m sure i’m leaving stuff out but overall that’s him. enjoy!

[rewolfaekilerom]

dear diary #1

//NOTE: This was originally posted to Wordpress on 05.16.2021//

I didn’t post last week because I was busy having a life. There, I said it.

Honestly, my explanation (I’m big on explanations but not excuses these days) for why I didn’t write anything last week is that I didn’t have anything to say and I didn’t feel like taking the time to think of something to say.

Or maybe I just wanted to marinate in the joy of finishing back-to-back viewings of Ginny and Georgia.

In any case, over the past few weeks I’ve been idly brainstorming my next post, but I’ve really only come up with a hodge podge of different ideas about random things that couldn’t sustain their own full posts but that still interest me. I thought that a simple solution would be to group these things into a diary-like post where I take my usual babbling to a new level.

Off we go.

When 2021 started, I decided to set myself a few goals–resolutions, if you will. I’ve never set resolutions before (well, not really), so I figured I’d be pretty bad at setting them and even worse at keeping them. Honestly, though, I think I’ve done a pretty fair job of both–all things considered.

Let me back up a step, though, to explain why this was the year that I finally decided to set some resolutions. 2020 was quite a year for everyone, so I think that’s a fairly simple explanation. The more complicated explanation is that 2020 was a year of massive transition for me. I’ve never thought about it that way before, but I think it’s actually pretty accurate.

I started 2020 with absolutely no sense of where I’d be–literally, figuratively, whatever–after the fifth month. I knew that my contract for my then-current job would end in May and that I probably wouldn’t find a similar contract there, so I’d need to find work somewhere else. I should clarify that I 100% wasn’t upset about the prospect of finding different work; I liked that job, but it wasn’t for me, if that makes sense. Having that job and doing the day-to-day of it proved to me that it wasn’t the type of work I wanted to do for the rest of my life, so that May end-date was a welcome one. See, I spent all of grad school feeling a bit torn between two paths: one was the expected path, the path everyone seemed to idealize and expect good students to follow; the other path was certainly not uncharted, but it was a path that was less idealized by admin and faculty. I felt torn between doing what I thought was expected of me as a good student and doing what I really wanted to do–the thing I’d sort of secretly come to love during my master’s and continuing throughout the PhD. Spoiler: that second thing is the thing I’m doing now, and I think I’m pretty happy doing it.

That one-year position gave me a chance to glimpse at what that first path, that expected path, would be. It was fine, and I understand why some people idealize it, but it wasn’t for me. I worked 12-hour days 7 days a week. I didn’t take vacations and I felt guilty when I so much as took an afternoon or morning off to spend time with friends or family. The guilt was constant. I also felt incompetent 90% of the time. The guilt and the imposter syndrome was too much, especially because I knew I shouldn’t feel either. That made me feel even more guilty, so I just worked more and harder. Frankly, that summarizes my experience in grad school a bit, and it explains why I didn’t really have hobbies or do anything other that work. I like to joke that the reason I worked so relentlessly during grad school wasn’t because I’m one of the smart ones; it’s because I’m one of the dumb ones trying to look like a smart one. That’s probably not true, either, but I really am a bit of a workhorse when it gets down to it.

So, 2020: a transition year. I spent the first few months of the year (and the last few months of the previous year) applying for jobs. I had also spend the previous winter/spring (of 2019) applying for jobs. That’s obviously how I ended up with that one-year position. Well, that’s actually a longer story, but I’ll save it for another time.

When the pandemic hit the US in March 2020, I was in the middle of a few job searches. I probably had 20 job applications out, and I was actively involved in 3 or so searches. The pandemic set off a domino effect that resulted in all but a few of those searches being cancelled. My mom has described it as me standing in a hallway filled with open doors and watching as each of those doors slams shut, one by one. I was lucky, really, because one of the few doors that stayed open was the door I’d hoped would stay open. It was the door that was me-shaped; the door and I fit one another perfectly, and it let me pass through. I know how lucky I am. I appreciate how lucky I am.

I got my perfect fit. Excellent! But that also meant that I had about two weeks to move halfway across the country. Literally. I was interviewing for this job in March and April. I heard that I’d got the job on May 1, and the offer letter came by May 11. By May 17, I had found a new apartment in a new state, booked movers, started packing, and gave away my couch; I was also in the process of sorting out utilities in the new place and all the other stuff that goes along with moving. Dad drove out to me on May 24 to help with the movers. I moved into my new place during the second or third week of June, if I remember correctly. Bug and I spent around a week or two living at my parents’ house before my stuff arrived at my new place. I started work on June 1, so some of that had to happen in my parents’ dining room while I was in the middle of moving.

The move was fast. SO FAST. I basically moved in two weeks–in the gap between one job ending and the next one starting. During that time, I said socially distanced goodbyes to friends, learned that Bug has a heart murmur (we’ve since been to a cardiologist and still don’t know what it means, if anything), and packed and moved my entire apartment for the second time in a year. Bug has been with me for just under two years and we’ve lived in three different places together. It’s pretty wild. Oh, and I learned a new job. My training lasted one month–most of June 2020. By July, it was all me running the show. Wild.

The thing no one really tells you about moving during a pandemic is that everything takes longer. Summer 2020 was also the summer of protests against systemic racism and police violence in the US. The moving truck with my stuff drove through, I think, 4 or so cities while they were having massive protests. My stuff took about two weeks to arrive, which wasn’t a big deal compared to the other, much bigger things going on in the world. I just think it’s fascinating that my stuff went so many placed without me. Once it arrived, I managed to unpack pretty quickly, but any new furniture I bought took so much time to arrive because the pandemic shut down a lot of factories. For instance, I ordered my couch at the beginning of July, I think, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t have it until September. The salesperson didn’t even tell me it would take that long, so figuring that out was another huge ordeal. Oh, and when it finally arrived, only half of it came. I had to wait a week for the other half to come because . . . they only ordered me one half of a couch. Who only wants half of a sectional couch???

Transition #3 of 2020, then, was getting settled into this new life.

These three massive transitions happening all in one year was a lot. The first two happened pretty close together, and they were pretty high stakes. The third one was high stakes, too, but I knew it would take longer, so the pressure was less immediate. Even so, my anxiety was off the charts by the end of the year. I also felt a bit aimless because I didn’t have my old, familiar routines of my previous life and the pandemic made it a bit hard to establish familiar ones in my new place. I knew that the new routines I had established were temporary, but I didn’t know how long that “temporary” would last. I also wasn’t consumed with work 24/7. I definitely work more than 9-5, 7 days a week, but I work nowhere close to what I had been working in my previous job. It’s more like 9-5, 5 days a week with some hours sometimes in the evening on weekdays and maybe some hours on weekends if I want to deal with something instead of letting it go for the next business day. It works really well for me. I’m not sure I’d like a normal office job; I like the stability and flexibility of this job. I also do a million different things, which keeps me invested and on my toes, which I like.

In any case, though, I felt a bit aimless by the end of 2020 and a bit anxious because the main events of my life were pretty much focused around work. My parents visit regularly, and I have Bug, but all I really did was work and sleep.

My resolutions, I decided, were the way I’d change that. They were my way of fleshing out my life and making sure I didn’t live to work instead of working to live, if that makes sense. I thought they’d be a good way to channel my nervous/anxious energy, be productive, and challenge myself. I wanted to use my brain in different ways and tire myself out so I’d go to sleep feeling like I’d accomplished more in a day.

The thing I disliked about that expected career path was that it tended to transform the people who followed it into the jobs they do. They become their job, and their job becomes their sole source of their identities. I wanted to make sure I was more than the sum of what I did to make money, and I thought resolutions would be the way to make sure I was a person who did things other than work. I can be a bit of a work-a-holic, I guess, and I wanted frivolous activities to decompress and be a human and relax. I also needed an answer for when people asked, “oh, what are your hobbies?”

My advisor once asked me “what do you do?” And I genuinely struggled to answer him. One of my friends overheard the conversation, and we laughed hysterically about it afterward because I said the first thing that came to mind at the time–swimming. I swam competitively in high school, but I was never good. I swam competitively because I liked being in the water and the team was a way for me to get in a pool for free. My coach knew that’s why I was there, so he let me go through the motions of being on the team but also relegated me to operating stop watches and calculating points during meets. When my advisor asked me that question, though, I hadn’t swam like that for years, and I hadn’t really swam for exercise in a long time either. It was just the first thing that came to mind as a hobby I would possibly like to do if I had the time to have a hobby.

I had hobbies in high school, though. I painted pretty regularly. I also did swim team. I listened to music constantly. I crafted. I read for fun like my life depended on it. I watched TV. I did normal teenager things and then some. During college and grad school, my hobby time dried up a bit. Or, rather, that time went to other things. I listened to less music, I exercised less, I read for work so didn’t do it for fun, and I stopped doing most crafts. I picked up other hobbies that filled in the gaps, though. I did my nails in some pretty wild designs, and I did some crocheting when I found the time. But it was always “when I found the time.” I crammed me time into the gaps between being too tired to work anymore and being too keyed up to fall asleep.

Halfway through the PhD, and after one particularly bad semester where I think I gained 30 points in cheesy bread from one class alone, I decided I needed to change things because “me time” had ceased to exist. So, I set aside one hour of free time a day to exercise. I lost 30 pounds and gained a bit of confidence. Or maybe self-respect is a better term? I’m not sure what would be a good word for what I gained, but it was something. I started to feel entitled to my time. That one hour a day evolved into a dream of having nights and weekends to myself. I clung desperately to the possibility of living a “normal” life that entailed not feeling guilty for enjoying free time and not being “on” all the time. I crammed that one hour of me-time at the gym wherever I could. I started going to the gym at midday because that’s when I could fit it in during those first few months. After that, I would get up at 6am to go to the gym and then straight to my office, where I’d have breakfast and then work until 6 or 7pm. Once I got Bug, I shifted that schedule to be home more; I still exercised, but I worked from home way more often. Having her forced me to turn off and focus on her needs. She’s trained herself to come into my office at 5 and meow at me until I close the computer and go into the living room with her.

My new job afforded me the time to not be at work all the time. It afforded me freedom to leave work at work and to use my brain to do other things. But because I’d let those “other things” disappear from my life over the past decade, I didn’t really have anything to fill that time except with worrying, which probably was my only hobby for a few years.

Flip to the beginning of 2021, and I’d had enough of being anxious all the time. I was worrying constantly about things that weren’t worth worry about. I was worrying about things I couldn’t change, which is something I learned years ago isn’t worth it (I’m nothing if not sensible with my worrying), and I was worrying instead of doing something about the things I could change.

I was ambitious but also reasonable in drawing up my list of resolutions:

Watercolor-a-day

Listen to more music

Appreciate life, and maybe work on anxiety

Read for fun more

Write/journal more

Learn to crochet doilies

Play more video games

Lost some weight by eating better and maybe exercising when it’s safe

Socialize more–when it’s safe.

Honestly, I’ve stuck to that list. The watercolor-a-day thing lasted about a month, but I have been doing visual arts more often. A few times a month I’ll paint or make a card for someone or do something like that.

Listening to music has been one of the biggest challenges, believe it or not. As I mentioned, I used to be an avid music listener. In high school, I was a bit like Lane in Gilmore Girls. I devoured music and had an extensive catalog of songs and artists. I listened to a wide variety of genres and was up-to-date on trends. I was constantly discovering new artists and genres–most were new to me but had been around for a while, but I was also familiar with top 40 hits. I’ve tried to remedy this a bit by listening to the charts on Spotify, and I’ve found some curated lists that have allowed me to find new artists. I’m just struggling to remember to turn on music when I’m casually living my life. I listen to music when I can while I work, but the work I do makes it hard to concentrate when music is playing. I think this is just something I need to try harder at. I keep meaning to buy a radio, but I just want to buy other things instead.

This blog was my way of journaling more and finding an outlet for reading for fun more. It was also my way of exercising that part of my brain that is creative with words, which has been a positive experience. It’s also making me feel more appreciative for life because it’s a space where I can be reflective. I can see myself writing a sentence that’s whiny and I can think about why I’m whining and not just appreciating what I have. Trust me, I see every whine in infinitely more detail than anyone else does. I’m my best critic, so I don’t need any help.

I’ve also flitted around a bit between hobbies. I’ve tried on and off to learn a new language. I started with Czech but decided that German would be more useful for work. I actually started writing this post to procrastinate looking at German grammar lessons. I’m a bit off of the German-learning thing right now.

I’m also off of video games for the moment. I play ACNH pretty regularly, but I had also been playing BotW and New Pokemon Snap. BotW stresses me out so much that I’ve considered throwing it out. I don’t like killing things. I thought there’d be more exploration. ACNH has gotten a little dull, though I still play and am eagerly awaiting the 2.0 update–whenever that comes. NPS is great; I just have other things I’d rather do.

Those “other things” consist primarily of crocheting. This is a skill my mom taught me as a tween or teenager, probably sometime after I’d outgrown summer camp but was too young to just . . . spend the summer hanging around or working. She’s incredibly crafty, but crochet isn’t her thing. I’m pretty sure she learned it from an aunt or her mom but has always done other sorts of crafts. A lot of the other women in our family were avid crocheters, though. We have bags of doilies and table runners with crocheted lace trim that are absolutely gorgeous. During the summer between my MA and PhD, I made an afghan out of granny squares. I still have it and love it. I crocheted a tiny bear for my high-school boyfriend before he moved across the country; I’m not sure he really appreciated how much work it took, and I wish I kept it for myself because it was well made–I didn’t even use a pattern. I also picked up cross stitch and embroidery during grad school because it was cheap and fairly easy to pick up every few months for a crafting party. But crocheting is something I love doing.

I wanted to get back into crocheting, though, because I wanted to make a new afghan and to decorate my apartment with things I’ve made. I haven’t started the new afghan because I’ve been trying to decide on colors, but I have been crocheting doilies. This was something I hadn’t done before, but they’re really fun to make. They’re tough and they require way more concentration than crocheting a scarf, but they really are “ta-da” objects. They require so much skill and precision. They’re works of art, really. Making a doily is a mediative experience, honestly. They require so much concentration that all the other worries have to disappear to make room in your brain for remembering stitches and figuring out how to make the pattern work by interpreting the (often shorthand and simplistic) instructions. My first few really weren’t great, but I’ll blame the patterns. I’ve since started finding patterns from the 1950s that are excellent. A lot of the newer patterns have wacky stitches that the pattern’s designer has come up with but doesn’t explain clearly. The patterns from the 1950s and earlier rely on basic stitches with one or two unique stitches thrown in.

I’ve also started making crocheted things for friends. So far, I’ve made a Jiji doll (from Kiki’s Delivery Service) for one friend and a Baby Yoda for another friend. I like making things for friends because it’s a personal touch. I think it means so much that you took the time to make something rather than just buying it. It’s also a good way to make sure you’re giving someone something they don’t already have.

I’m on a bit of a crochet kick right now, but my focus on hobbies has gone through phases over the past few months. For a few weeks at a time I might be really eager to play video games, and then a few weeks later I’ll be focused exclusively on crocheting. Other times, all I want to do is paint. I was sewing for a while, too, but fabric is expensive. Crocheting is a nice middle-ground between working with my hands and my mind and not spending too much money. It isn’t too difficult to find pretty good yarn, and it’s not that expensive either.

So, all that is to say that 2021 has been a fuller, more grounded year so far. We’re still in the middle of a pandemic, and life is far from normal. I have a routine, but it’s a temporary one that I know will have to change eventually. That alone is difficult, but it’s also been helpful to know that some parts of my routine will stay the same even after the pandemic ends. The hobbies and me time don’t have to go away when the pandemic ends. Some of the time I devote to them may get shifted to new hobbies–I might even make new friends in this new place! But they’ll still be there. I can still set aside Thursday nights for making doilies, and I can have Saturdays for watching TV, if I want. There’s a sense of calm that comes with that knowledge. I’m glad I decided to make some resolutions this year, and I’m especially glad that those resolutions are accomplishing the things I’d hoped they would accomplish.

Oh, and I’ve been watching iZombie lately. It’s like Veronica Mars meets Dexter meets Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Warm Bodies. 10/10 recommend.

Okay, that’s enough for now.

XOXO, you know.

[pastdefined-a]

I’ve taken some time to digest The Situation and ultimately, I refuse to let this be a moment that bothers me, upsets me or turns me away from doing something I enjoy. I’m nearly 30 years old, for once in my life I am happy with where I am, I have accepted my struggles and my own personal issues; I am not about to let a child with a victim complex try and destroy me.

Was my initial message to Cade after the other night “grow the fuck up”? Yes, I will admit that. It was a knee-jerk anger moment. I have a temper. You can ask the men from last night’s mosh pit that you don’t push me. But then I took the time to message her...

"Yeah, you know what, I have one problematic ship. I don’t condone it. And I write it, wrote it actually. With one partner for multiple years. I don’t promo my Bella blog, I write in a very closed circle. You went out of your way to dredge that up, after months. Not that it’s any of your business: but I haven’t been writing that ship, that blog, or any blogs, because I’ve been dealing with my own depression. Wait, I’m an ableist, right, so how could I possibly have depression? I haven’t been on Tumblr in months. I lost my grandfather, I tried to kill myself immediately after. Are you happy to hear that? Are you happy to know that while I was trying everything I could to help you with your discomfort with the group, literally trying my hardest to mend the situation in a way that wouldn’t require you leaving, and while I was on vacation, my grandfather was in the hospital dying? We’re not bad people, Cade. We just don’t have the same opinions as you. And I tried. I’m sorry you blame us for everything. But I haven’t bad mouthed you once. I haven’t mentioned you since you left. I would never stoop so low as to drag your name through the mud. You can have your problems with us, you can reflect how you want. I know this isn’t the first time you’ve said nasty things about us, about me. You’ve vagued about us. You blame us. That’s fine. I’m sorry things didn’t work out."

Their response? To block me, on any blog I tried to reach out to them on, post that I should “take a hint” and then say that we were all giving them anxiety. I never wanted Cade to leave the group, but things were getting out of hand. I have been role playing for longer than most of you have been alive. I have been around the block multiple times, I have been a moderator, admin, storyteller and dungeon master many times over. The sad fact is, if a player is continuously a problem and you have exhausted your avenues of corrective action, you need to let a player go. I wanted Cade to be successful. I urged them to reach out to people, but they continuously felt ignored because messages may not have been answered in a timely manner, or answered at all. 

At the time, three of us were all working full time jobs with varying hours. At least one of those people are the people Cade reached out to. I can’t tell you how many times it’s taken me a week to realize I have notifications. Cade felt that we were all talking about them behind their back, and that wasn’t true. There were no secret groups. There was one sub server created as place where a few of us could one on one do IC texts, but that was it. I had provided multiple channels in the main server to engage in active RP. It wasn’t helping. 

Cade approached me at one point asking to bring on another muse. My concern with how they were struggling to connect with muns and drive their own personal storylines and growth that the addition of another muse wouldn’t be helpful and they would only get more upset and stressed out. I told them no, for that very reason.

One repetitive issue was topics would be brought up in “the dumpster”, our ooc channel, that would grow heated. Cade became argumentative and when people attempted to have a conversation, or voice their own opinion, Cade would immediately back down, or waffled. It frustrated a lot of players. The boiling point was when I was on vacation and unable to moderate the chat actively. IIRC it was regarding the portrayal of South within RVB and things got out of hand. Cade left the server and I was furious. Frankly, I was furious at everyone. It was my first time off of work in 7 months, my grandfather was hospitalized, I had a lot on my mind. I spoke with Cade and told them they needed to decide what they wanted to do. A few days later they approached me to tell me that they wanted to remain in the verse but not on the server. The only problem was that at this time 90% of our activity was taking place on Discord. We were all becoming less and less inclined to be on Tumblr. I expressed to Cade my concern, once again, that they would be unhappy and unable to actively participate in the verse if they weren’t on the server and that I would advise them to come back on but ignore the OOC chatter.

There was a conversation regarding RT hiring animators. A byline on the application was applicants have a sense of humor, and one member made the comment “lmao i feel like that's the equivalent of putting: "tumblr need not apply"” Cade’s response was “but a lot of their fans are on tumblr?” and that’s when “the joke, cat, the joke” happened. Up until this point, we all knew Cade as Cat. None of us had been approached or made aware of Cat being Cade’s deadname. If we had, it never would have happened. Yes, Katie came to me and told me what happened. She told me what happened because she chose not to respond to Cade’s message and it wouldn’t be the first time Cade would mention to me that people were ignoring her messages. The number one rule of my verse had always been “don’t be a dick”. And if I believe someone was being mean, out of line, needed reminded, I handled it. I spoke with more than one person about such behavior while we were active. What irked me wasn’t Cade’s request, but how they chose to go about it. It was what upset Katie as well. There had been a continual issue of Cade not being able to conduct conversations with simple manners, a please a thank you or even a genuine apology. And this was just the end of it. 

When Cade left, we didn’t talk about them. But I know we were vagued about or brought up multiple times. None of us messaged her. We just went our separate ways. 

On June 14 my grandfather died. Yes, I attempted suicide when I got home from his funeral. I realized that I just needed to be the person he wanted me to be, and I got my shit together. I got a new job, one that makes me extremely happy and I notified my followers on all my blogs that my activity was going to waver. I have barely been on Tumblr. So I missed the big July 1 call out post about me and all of us from two of Cade’s blogs. They were only brought to my attention the other night when Nova flipped out on our server. None of us had seen the anon messages. And honestly, there were varying degrees of caring.

I’m not transphobic or ableist. Full stop. Now as for the incest: I write Bellatrix Black. Please, take a moment to look at the Black family tree. I previously had one partner that I wrote Bella and Sirius in a romantic relationship with. It stemmed from a shared head canon that up until Sirius left, Bella and Sirius would have been arranged to be married and also that the amount of hate they had for one another came from somewhere deeper than just being related. That’s it. I’m not going to fall on my sword for that. It was in my rules so people would be aware of it. 

The truth is, looking back, I should have known from the beginning that Cade wasn’t going to be happy in my group. Cade and their sister had intended to join as North and South together. Flash came to me asking to join as North and it was becoming apparent that Cade’s sister wasn’t going to be making North. I felt bad, but I wasn’t going to turn down another writer because of it. But it was always an underlying problem.

I’ve made my peace with this issue, I’ve moved on. I’ve hoped Cade would find their peace as well, especially since they’ve claimed to have left the fandom. I tried apologizing, because I never wanted anything like this to happen. But I don’t accept the blame that people want to place on me. I don’t blame my own actions or decisions on anyone but myself, and I don’t think anyone else should.

Now, if anyone would like to discuss this, I’m here to talk but you can not message me anonymously. I won’t let you hid behind a wall if you want to say hateful things to me. You get to own your actions or say nothing at all.