#i literally almost cried bc i felt several thing move out

[summerpogue]

ok so I have about half the final episode left and I had to stop bc my AirPods died and also it was 5am and after an emotionally taxing day (election related) a bitch needed some rest

however…………. holy fuck ????????????? (obx4 pt 2 spoilers below - seriously, like…. the whole season spoiled below, do not read if you haven’t watched)

jj crashing out and inciting a pogue uprising was beautiful. I know some people will say what they will about jj always being reckless but enough was enough. the pogues collectively bit back and I loved to see it. (also, I cried a little bc it was cathartic as shit to watch given recent events, we love to see the lower class, constantly getting fucked over and over and over again by kook ass bullshit finally saying fuck you, I’ll give you something to whine about).

and I will say, it was tough to watch jj withdraw and drink about his feelings but all his feelings were valid. lashing out at john b and saying what he did wasn’t cool, however both of his father figures are grade-a pieces of shit and he literally had almost just gotten murdered by one of them so he gets a pass. like nick miller’s ‘dead dad pass’, jj gets a ‘two deadbeat, abusive, backstabbing, money-hungry dads’ pass as far as I’m concerned.

I knew sarah’s pregnancy arc was coming, they weren’t subtle at all in part one and as soon as she started acting weird I was like ‘wow okay we’re really doing this????’ I don’t think it’s necessary. she is nineteen years old, their lives are never ending chaos, whether or not it’s been properly explored her and john b are deeply traumatized and have parental shit they need to work out, she is nineteen years old. several times I said ‘and we’re not gonna have a conversation about options??? we’re just full sending it??????’ not saying that she has to do anything particular, but with how firm she was not even that many episodes ago when john b brought up kids this feels like a disservice to her character (and in light of recent events, I feel extra angry about a storyline boxing a woman into becoming a mother when they’ve clearly expressed they’re not ready, and when they haven’t even started to achieve the things they want out of life).

chandler groff can get fucked. (I left off on jj considering letting him out of the well and I know he’s gonna do it but I really wish he’d let him rot). I think he’s worse than ward ever was, because for as greedy, self-serving and maniacal as ward was, he would never have stolen the map and looking device and thrown her injured into the ocean to die. I really really don’t think he would. he loved his kids even if he did it wrong, chandler doesn’t love anyone but himself.

jj deserves so much better, he deserves so much more. he got not one but two fathers who would hang him out to dry to make a quick buck. that shit luke pulled at the town hall had me about to reach jj levels of crash out. I hope this second will that was mentioned says that jj gets goat island. let them turn goat island into poguelandia, or let jj sell it and tap into the wealth that is his birthright (even tho he’ll do something dumb with it). I also hope he’s able to learn more about his mother, I think it would help anchor him to truly know who she was, and to know that he came from someone good because right now he thinks he only comes from bad and that breaks my heart.

I’ve liked seeing rafe soft and trying (why did I feel bad for him when they tied him up lmao I really felt like he was being genuine about coexisting until they got to morocco) and I yelled at him when he dumped sofia like girl???? you killed the sheriff??? you tried to kill your sister??? she took a little money from someone who was paying you, they are not the same and your karmic debt is so massive you shouldn’t even have a girl like sofia so like, shut up and be grateful. let it go.

I’m scared for pope, he’s in seeeeerious shit. it was a badass move but also so, so reckless and I hope they bring groff back and shoupe does something to make it go away. shoupe pulled through on the beach and he needs to keep pulling through

those are all my thoughts — if you reply or chime in pleeeeeeeeeeeeease remember, I am not finished, do not talk to me about anything beyond jj seeing groff in the well, I don’t even know if he’s out of the well or not

[yellheahnerds]

mmm i can't wait till im able to get an actual diagnosis for why my body is constantly out of place and hurting for no reason

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Demons Within

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x Reader

Request: Angst fic where Elijah accidentally kills reader bc he’s lost control? (Red door Elijah?) -Anon

Word count: 2K

Warnings: Chatacter death, angst, canon typical blood and gore.

Author’s Note: Welcome to day two of may madness! I hope after yesterday’s fic that you guys are still looking forward to the next month’s worth! Here’s an angsty fic that I know you guys have been waiting for! Day two and going strong! 

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. ♥

Y/N was running for her life. Not the on the run from Mikael, running for life. This time, it was different. Y/N was running from the one person she never thought she ever would run from. 

Fear wasn’t supposed to be coursing through her, but in that moment it had. She shouldn’t have been afraid of the person that was after her. She should have been able to stand her ground and fight, just as she always had. She should have been able to break through to the man that was after her. But after several failed attempts, there was nothing else she could do. 

It didn’t matter how fast she ran or how far she went, she knew there was no getting away. She could hear the way his own feet met the ground. The crunching of the leaves under the weight of his shoes loud in her ears as she ran. She didn’t dare a glance back. She knew he was right there, almost within reach. She should know, this was her husband she was running from. 

There were many things that Y/N had known in her existence. She watched as the world changed around her and her loved ones as they went on with their lives. People they had once known long gone, either by their own hands or the passage of time. Being a vampire, an original at that, meant the lives of the people you knew were gone in the blink of an eye. 

As the years passed like simple hours, there were things they survived. Things that they faced, enemies they fought and bested. And even those that are immortal are faced with darkness that even they don’t know the depths of the darkness that lay within them. It was that darkness that was deeply rooted in her husband’s subconscious that caused her to run for her life. 

Esther’s magic had done as intended. The facade that Elijah hid behind throughout the majority of his existence, had been destroyed. The red door left wide open with slightest of triggers that enabled the darker side of himself to breach the surface. 

Y/N should have been able to break through to him. She should have been able to reach the man that she knew was currently buried underneath the darkness. For the few times she had almost lost him to that darkness, she had been able to pull him back. She had watched as her words of love and care had caused the coldness in his eyes to disappear and return to the warm, inviting brown that she had grown to love. But it hadn’t worked this time around. 

The soft touch of her fingers running along his face as the veins under his eyes played should have made him recognize who was in front of him. The way they trembled slightly as they moved down to his neck, should have recognized that she would still be there for him while he fought it. But it was the way his hand had grabbed a hold of her arm and twisted it in a way that a sickening snap could be heard before she cried out in pain that told her, he was deeper in the abyss than he had ever been. 

Her few simple steps back caused him to take a step towards her with each one. The darkness within his eyes every indication that he had no recognition of her. That the woman he loved was currently a stranger, a threat that needed to be dealt with. 

It was the reason she ran. The only reason that she decided to turn and run from him. She needed to give him time. Time to hopefully get through the darkness that was surrounding him. To hopefully come to his senses before he could get a hold of her. Y/N knew that he could and that he would.

Y/N may have been Elijah’s wife, but she had turned a handful of years after he had turned. She was strong, but not as strong as he could be. She had to at least out smart him for the time being. To keep herself alive for as long as she could, because even she knew that in a fight against her husband, she would lose. 

It was when Elijah’s footsteps went quiet that she stopped running. The woods that surrounded them thick enough for her to hide in plain sight. She turned quickly in search of him. But her eyes couldn’t spot him. Her mind screamed that he must have come to his senses, that he wasn’t going to hurt her. 

Her ears trying to pick up anything. The slightest movements of anything that would indicate where he was. But she couldn’t hear anything. Even her breathing had been silenced knowing that Elijah would be able to hear it in some form or another. She knew he was out there, she just didn’t know where. 

As her eyes moved along the trees in her eyesight, her head tilted as she took in a tree not too far off. There was something familiar about. It was the way some of the branches had been broken to one side. The leaves barely hung on as the slight breeze made its way through. 

It was then that realization had hit her. Elijah had been steering her in the direction that he wanted. She was supposed to be the one in control of this situation. But the tree proved that she had currently been going in circles. A game of chase that she knew Elijah was all too familiar with. 

That was when she felt his hand grab a hold of her arm and spun her around before pinning her to the tree beside her. A startled yelp passed her lips as he had done so. Not by the action itself but the way Elijah had now looked as he stood before her. 

The clean suit he had on some time ago had now been covered in blood. Blood had covered his lips and trickled down his neck. The blood pooled at his collar of his white button up. His eyes still filled with murder.  She lifted her hand up to cover her mouth as she looked him over. She knew that for the few moments she had lost him, he had found someone else to prey on before he returned for her. 

“‘Lijah.” She said with a slight shake of her head as she dropped her hand. Y/N knew she needed to get through to him. “It’s me. You know me. You’ve known me for centuries.”

Their eyes never left the others. Even as Elijah kept her pinned against the tree, he never looked away from her eyes. Deep down within Elijah he knew her eyes were familiar. That they were something that had always brought comfort to him. But all he could see was a threat that needed to be taken care of. 

She was to be another body that he had kept locked away behind the red door. For as his mother had once said to him, the women he loved were butterflies. Ones that he loved to tear the wings off of them. And in his darkened thoughts, Y/N was a butterfly ready to be dewinged. 

Her voice, while familiar, hadn’t brought any recognition to his mind once more. Even when he heard her words earlier that day, they hadn’t meant anything to him now. Not even as she explained who she was before he brought his hand up to her throat. 

Y/N placed her hand on top of his trying to pull his hand away from her. But the harder she fought to get his hand away from her neck, the tighter his grip became. Y/N gasped as she tried to at least break any of the bones in his hand to get some reaction out of him. Just before she expected to hear the sickening crack of a bone breaking, he had pulled her away from the tree by her neck, before slamming her back against it. 

Her hands fell to her sides as she looked Elijah in the eyes. Her mind racing for something, anything that could be done. “You know me, Elijah.” Her voice strangled against his hold. “I can show you.”

She lifted her hand once more, bringing it up slowly to his face. If she couldn’t get through to him with words or touch, she was going to try through memories. He watched as she raised her hand up to his face slowly. His eyes going back and forth between the two before her fingers brushed along his face. 

It was enough to begin a small connection. One that Y/N had barely been able to show how they met before a loud cry of pain left her lips, causing her hand to fall from his face and the connection lost. Her eyes looked down to see Elijah remove his hand from her neck, only to see the other shoved into her chest. 

The way his hand gripped on her heart told her he could feel every beat of it. Every chance it tried to pump the blood through her veins, he could feel it. He was literally holding her life source in his hand. 

Tears of pain and sadness began to flow out of her eyes as she watched him. He was studying her for a moment. It was strange to both of them. It was if there was a part of him that was fighting to save her, or even kill her. It was the way his head tilted as his hold on her tightened. 

Another scream passed her lips. She was afraid to move. Afraid to try anything. The pain that radiates through her overpowering anything else she was trying to get through her mind. She knew if she tried anything else, all Elijah had to do was pull and that’d be the end of it. 

It was then that her mind had made a decision. The thought itself had caused the tears to rush down her face a little more before she nodded her head. Her eyes took in his face one last time. She wanted to see it. She wanted him to see that it was going to be okay. 

“I-it’s okay.” She found it becoming harder to speak. Even as she spoke she felt the way his hand moved even the slightest bit, causing her to groan. “I’m not scared. I promise. It’s n-not your fault if you do this. It’s going to be okay. Just know that I love you.”

It was as she went to place her hand on top of his arm, as a comforting touch, she felt the tug of her heart. With one last cry of pain, Y/N went slack against the tree. Her heart in Elijah’s hand as he took a step back, watching as Y/N’s body fell to the ground a moment later. 

The cold unrecognizable eyes were still dark as he dropped her heart by her body. For the threat he acknowledged earlier had been subdued. The threat to his family and even to himself had been taken care of. His actions are no longer hidden behind the red door that haunted him for centuries. It became easy to walk away from the body that was now ashen gray. 

But deep down, the part of him that was drowning in the darkness knew that he had just lost the woman he loved to the very monster his parents created. Where she was the light in his life, the darkness that surrounded him smothered her and he was once again left with nothing.

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[kvgehiras]

can i request sleepover hcs with trickstar (separate)? i feel like they would be so much fun to be with... the new shuffle unit really woke up my inner trickstarP 🥺 (hope it's not too much to request all 😭)

HELLO !!! nd no it's ok !!!! it took me some time bcs i didnt . rlly know how to start out hokuto's part BUT IT'S DONE NOW !!!!!!! (also i hope u meant it in a setting where y/n nd the members r in a relationship (separately ofc) bcs that's how i wrote it so ye) hope yall like it ~

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

AKEHOSHI SUBARU

• he probably brought up the idea while u were accompanying him on a walk w daikichi

• u were talking abt how u brought these glow-in-the-dark stickers nd they remind u of him

• "it would b so nice if u could see it omg!!! but .... it's the best when u watch it right before u go to sleep.....nd ur probably busy :(("

• "????? LETS HAVE A SLEEPOVER THEN!!!!!!! W ALL THE SPARKLE SPARKLE STARS!!!! AAAAA IT WOULD LOOK SO PRETTY!!!!!!!!"

• nd ur just like :0 bcs u cant believe this dumbass . he has a live to perform in day after tomorrow but he's gonna have a sleepover........what

• "dw abt my live !!!!!!! ill tell hokke nd the others that i can't come today but i'll practice extra hard tomorrow !! they'll understand dw (*・∀-)☆"

• they didn't.....actually...but he cut the call on hokuto before they could get him to attend so uh-

• "anyways!!!!!!!! ^^^^^^"

• yall bring daikichi over too. it's not even a question daikichi is literally yalls child at this point but anyways

• he probably looks for board games for a good hour or two while u get some food for daikichi nd then get some food for subaru nd urself

• (he doesn't find it)

• u peek at the doorframe bcs for a while u keep feeling like someone has been watching u for a while now nd then boom . u see the other baby (read : subaru . main baby is daikichi, ofc!) pouting at u

• u laugh nd wipe ur hands on ur apron before ruffling his hair nd he goes

• "i can't find the board games :((((( y/n :(((((("

• surprise guessing game : whos the actual puppy? akehoshi subaru or his actual dog daikichi??????? it remains a mystery

• anyways u help him look for them nd after u hand him over the thing u get food for the both of u nd force him to eat atleast a bite bcs this bitch is too busy trying to win against u in snakes & ladders 😭😭😭

• "subaru.....pls....the food is getting cold....."

• "no i Know im gonna win!!! the sparkly stars r my good luck!!!! i know it!!!!!!"

• he.... doesn't win .....for the 5th time....

• so manz just gives up, noms all the sandwiches visible (aka his portion bcs u alrdy finished urs an hour ago JDJDKDN)

• nd then sleeps, still sulking

• yes it ends up in u guys cuddling under the glowy stars

• nd subaru thinks that mayb losing against u isn't that bad after all (´꒳`)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

HIDAKA HOKUTO

• unlike subaru, this was actually a planned one

• u both had homework to do, u especially had a test tomorrow nd subaru just ditched the rest of trickstar to go hang out w someone else instead of their practice so ┐(´∀｀)┌

• hokuto appears at ur doorstep around 6:30pm, as discussed earlier

• "right on time!!!!!! so true hokke (´∀`)ｂ"

• he chuckles a lil as he closes the door behind him nd takes off his shoes

• "(y/n) u keep sounding like that masked pervert whenever u say smthg like that pls"

• u laugh it off nd then get him to the living room, where u two get ur books out nd then start studying

• hokuto asks if uve studied any material before to which u quietly reply no nd hokuto just goes

• "oh, that's ok… i think it will be good practice for me too if i taught u all this, right? so let's start, hm?"

• HOKKEEEEEEE ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐

• sasuga hokuto kyun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• anyways !! u guys (finally) start studying now!

• except…..except ur alrdy falling asleep……

• hokuto doesn't even realise this till he looks over to his shoulder bcs wow it suddenly feels heavy! wonder why!

• nd then boom ur face is an inch away from his

• poor hokuto his face gets all red and his ears r burning nd when he realises that ur sleeping he just . freezes

• doesnt even move fucking muscle

• mentally too manz just checks out NDNDNDJDJKS

• BUT IN HIS DEFENCE WHEN HE CAME TO UR PLACE HE DIDNY EXPECT THIS!!!!!!! HE EXPECTED TO STUDY ND THEN GO HOME YK!!!!!!

• poor guy he can feel how hard his heart is beating nd hes praying that u dont hear it nd wake up

• thank goodness ur a heavy sleeper……..nothing, nd i mean not even if boulder is dropped on u, can wake u up

• sasuga…..y/n……?

• anyways !!!!!

• u wake up at like . 2 or 3 am nd u find hokuto just closing his eyes shut, cheeks still bright red nd. WHYS HE SO CLOSE-

• o u fell asleep on his shoulder lol-

• U FELL ASLEEP?????

• u jerk back up nd apologise a million times for falling asleep even tho hes so desperately trying to teach u nd hokuto just tries to hard to explain that it's ok !!!!!!! (bcs he actually kinda . liked it . aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA)

• after much thought u guys just decided to go to sleep bcs ur too tired anyways so it's not like u would retain this info anyways

• nd it was a good decision bcs after waking up in the morning nd going thru his notes instead u actually aced the test !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so true y/n !!!!!!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

YUUKI MAKOTO

• this one….. it's like . neither planned or accidental?????

• it just happened????? yk?????

• he called u suddenly in the evening bcs he went to this new game shop that opened near his place right

• nd hes just like !!!!!!! y/n!!!!!!! uve got to check this game out !!!!!!

• nd so u go to his place to play the game nd u see that he just has everything prepared so u get the snacks that u got for both of u on a plate nd get some juice from his fridge nd start playing the game

• nd the game is rlly good !!!!!

• from the graphics to the boss music, makoto rlly knows ur taste

• (he blushes nd thanks u all flustered too hehe)

• nd after switching consoles nd playing the game for over 3 hrs, yes it's a pretty huge game, u finally reach the boss battle!!!!

• nd this . this scares u

• uve seen ppl on the net say that this battle will absolutely End u . periodt

• u never rlly understood why but holy shit u now do

• uve been trying to win against this bitch for AN HOUR at this point . why cant he just die

• poor makoto is just cheering u on in the bg bcs u refuse to let him help

• "y/n….(;´Д`)...... it's ok bb…...i'll finish this up for u…. it's like 4am we have class tomorrow- wait no it's actually today-"

• "makoto No u always help me in games let me finally win smthg for u !!!!!!"

• nd u point at his forehead nd poke it several times as u make ur point

• "ill win for u !!!!! ok!!!!! this stupid boss can never be as strong as my love for u !!!!!! (*｀へ´*) 彡3"

• nd hes just . looking at u all worried but he . he trusts u . so he lets u do it urself

• yes u lost even more times nd cried a lil out of frustration

• so at one point, instead of directly helping u, he just starts giving u directions nd at this point ur too tired nd exhausted to say anything so u just follow him

• (u also have ur head on his lap nd hes combing thru ur hair nd looking down at u like :') lmao what a lovebird)

• but when u actually beat the boss, finally, nd the screen says "win!" in huge yellow letters ur eyes go O.O

• nd u jump out of his lap, while he's still spaced out, combing ur hair nd hug him v tightly

• nd hes like ????? huh ???? wh wh wh ?????????

• nd u explain that u finally won nd u guys just rejoice lol

• then immediately fall asleep. both of u

• (u guys were late to school next day . sigh)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

ISARA MAO

• unlike the other three, this man was actually dragged to ur place

• why? u might ask

• WELL THIS DUMB RAT IS BURNT OUT !!!!!! HE DOES TOO MUCH WORK ND HE DOESNT REALISE IT !!!!!!!!!!

• so after u guys r done w school, nd when u check in w his fam too that hes gonna stay at ur place (nd also that he has almost no work today, ofc) u drag him to an arcade nd hes like ???

• "today is a rest day!!!!!! so no work at all!!!!!!"

• u said this while pouting a bit so mao mostly thought u were joking

• but even after going to the arcade, going to the shopping mall nd getting snacks, going to the fast food place u guys visit alot nd getting food from there, his brain doesnt catch on that ur indeed not joking

• until it's been 3 hours at ur place, ur having the dinner that u guys had bought from the fast food place while watching a random movie that was airing on some channel that his brain suddenly went

• 'i know they were saying that this is a rest day nd ur not allowed to work probably as a joke but bro…. i dont think it's a joke anymore'

• this is so sad f in the chat for mao lol

• but also he doesnt bring it up bcs ur forcing him to watch musicals w u (some of ur favs) nd he... actyally likes it?

• he hasn't felt so ….relaxed in a very long time now that he thinks abt it

• nd he has to thank u for it yk

• nd so after the musical marathon ends, as he thanks u, he kind of just goes on a rant yk

• abt how he's feeling

• he never expected for this to happen but u tell him it's ok yk

• nd while he shouldn't burden himself w so much work, ur always open to listen to his thoughts, opinions, random bs, anything !!!!!!

• for hours u guys just have a very deep talk abt how guys have been doing nd mao feels like hes so so glad that u did smthg like this for him

• yall also go to bed early bcs mao alrdy has a bad sleeping schedule (so let's not make it worse!!!!)

• nd in conclusion, it was a v good day! now yall do this whenever either of u r feeling down or get burnt out lol

[satendou]

⟼  poolside service

⍣ 365 days of sun series | previous | next

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢  pairing: iwaizumi hajime/reader/oikawa tooru

⇢ au: 365!au, poly!au, college!au, pro!oikawa

⇢ summary:  you’ve just moved into your new house and, wouldn’t you know it, the air conditioner is busted. iwa is quick to remind you that you now own a pool and thank god for that.

⇥  masterlist

⇥  requests are open! | rules

⇢  warnings: established relationship, polyamory, smut, fingering, praise, double vaginal penetration, daddy kink

⇢  word count: 3.4k

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢  a/n: uh,,,lit you should use lube if you’re gonna have sex in a pool but bc this is fanfiction, who cares? also the position might be a little unrealistic but wouldn’t it be sexy? alsox2 disregard my overzealous use of the word “pretty”. i have a problem.

“Remind me why we decided to move in the middle of the freakin’ summer?” you asked as you hauled yet another box up the stairs. It was only the fourth or fifth one-- you weren’t too sure-- but you had at least another fifteen or twenty out in the truck Iwaizumi had rented for the day. 

Iwa grumbled a noncommittal response and Oikawa sighed, panting as he followed behind you with a box of his own.

“It seemed like such a good idea at the time,” he whined, and you snorted, accidentally inhaling beads of sweat into your sinuses. You felt absolutely disgusting, your shirt sticking to your back and your hair-- already up in an effort to keep your neck cool-- still clung to your skin. The air conditioner wasn’t on yet either, so the inside of your new house was not only sweltering but stifling.

“Well, it wasn’t,” Iwaizumi snapped, dropping the box he held by the front door. There were several already stacked up haphazardly around the foyer and entrance hallway, and you nudged his further in to keep the path clear and to set yours down on top of it. “Is there any reason the damn A/C is still off?” 

You shifted your weight, leaning away from him. He was in a foul mood, from both the heat and plain exhaustion after spending the last two weeks packing up after your classes were through for the day. 

“We just keep forgetting to turn it on,” you murmured, wiping away the sweat from your forehead with your shirt. It was too tempting to take it off, but then you would have to worry about sunburn and that just...wasn’t appealing. “I’ll go check it now.”

“Goddammit,” he snapped, then softened. “No, I’ll go. I’m sorry for snapping.”

You gave him a small smile as he passed by, but it turned into a grimace when he touched your cheek. “It’s too hot, don’t touch me, ugh.”

It took another twenty minutes before you got all the boxes in, and even then you had to sit around waiting for the air conditioner to even make a dent in the heat of the house, all while sorting the boxes into their appropriate rooms when all you wanted to do was shower in ice water. It was the worst experience you had ever had, and that was including the very memorable day when you had fallen into an algae covered lake while on vacation, and had had to walk around wet and slimy for hours before you could get back to the hotel.

“Ah, hell,” you whined, rubbing at your stinging eyes. Sweat had dripped into them without warning and you groaned in frustration. The air was barely any cooler even though the sun was setting by that point, but the most important boxes containing clothes, the food, and the bedding were unpacked and put away and you were going to do nothing else before you showered.

Oikawa was just stepping out of the bathroom when you walked up, having finished putting things away in his designated room, and smiled. “All yours, princess.”

“Thank you,” you said sarcastically and he laughed, walking off down the hall toweling his hair.

Not even looking at the handle for hot water, you turned it on full cold and stepped under, shivering even as you sighed in relief. The first ten minutes were spent just standing there relishing in the goosebumps breaking out over your skin until you felt a little more human, and you spent another ten working your hair and body into a lather.

You could have cried as you stepped out, wrapping yourself in a fluffy towel and feeling that the air was still far too warm for your liking. Grumbling, you got dressed in a huff before wandering through your new home towards the sound of the TV in the living room.

“Why in god’s name is still so hot in here?” you whined as you fell into the empty spot between Iwaizumi and Oikawa. You realized almost immediately what an awful idea that was when the temperature rose another ten degrees and groaned.

Oikawa was frowning, sweat starting to bead on his forehead again already. “Dunno. We’ll probably have to call someone tomorrow to look at it if it isn’t working then.”

Uncomfortable silence fell as you squirmed, trying to figure out how you were going to sleep through the night if it remained this hot, when there was a smack from your other side.

You and Oikawa both jumped and looked to Iwaizumi, who’s palm was flat against his forehead.

“We’re so stupid,” he said, and you were bewildered when a grin spread across his face. “What was the biggest reason we picked this stupid house in the first place?”

You shook your head, unable to think of anything. Oikawa was mirroring you, eyes narrowed as he wracked his brain.

Iwaizumi groaned, glaring at you. “The pool, you idiots. Let’s go find our suits and--”

“Fuck that,” you said, standing up. You couldn’t believe you had forgotten that the three of you literally owned an in-ground pool now, complete with a built-in hot tub to boot. And there was a six-foot privacy fence to keep the neighbors from peeking. 

“Wha--?” Iwaizumi started to say, irritated at your dismissal of his idea.

Until your shirt hit him in the face.

Oikawa laughed at that, eyeing your swaying hips and naked back. “You little minx. I like the way you think.”

You grinned over your shoulder, shedding your shorts and leaving them laying in the middle of the floor as you opened the sliding glass door. The lights in the pool were already on, creating a rippling light show beneath the surface of the water, and you disrupted it when you jumped in with a splash.

It was followed a moment later by another one, and you surfaced to find Oikawa fully naked and swimming towards you with a devious smirk. The water was blessedly cool, and your hard nipples did not go unnoticed. Iwa was taking a little more time, carefully dropping his shirt on one of the deck chairs as he watched you and Oikawa splash around and giggle, already feeling you up.

“Come on, Iwa. We won’t bite,” Oikawa said as he dragged you backwards through the water towards the deep end.

Your stomach dropped a little when you felt your feet leave the bottom, but Oikawa kept you up in his strong arms. Still, you squirmed around until you could loop yours around his neck and your legs around his waist.

“Careful, princess,” he warned playfully, feeling your hot core settle against his soft cock ( or at least, it was soft until he felt that, anyway). “It’s a bit early to christen the pool like that when we haven’t even managed the bedroom yet.”

You giggled in his ear at that. “Says who?”

Another set of arms wound around you then, and hot breath hit your neck a split second before teeth did. Iwaizumi was apparently not as reserved as Oikawa was, as he was rock hard against your ass.

“You two are fucking ridiculous,” he snapped, leading a trail from your shoulder up to your ear, nipping the lobe a little sharply.

You squealed in response, arching into Oikawa’s chest. They grinned wickedly at each other, and Iwaizumi pulled you back to lean against his chest.

Your tits were now above the water line, exposing your hard nipples to the warm air and Iwa’s touches. He palmed both breasts in his rough hands, pinching and twisting the hard little buds between his fingers and your legs tightened around Oikawa’s hips in response. Your nails dug into the skin of his biceps, your head tipping back onto Iwa’s shoulder as you sighed.

Both their cocks were fully hard and rubbing between the cheeks of your ass and the lips of your wet cunt, Oikawa’s tip grazing over your clit nonstop. Your toes were starting to curl from the endless pleasure, small noises that might have been pleas escaping your lips. 

“That feels so good, Haji,” you murmured, slipping your fingers into the wet strands of his dark hair. His lips were still pressing against your skin, teeth leaving bright red marks all over the side of your neck and shoulder that you knew you would be covering up tomorrow.

“Hold her up, Haji,” Oikawa said, and you whined when his hands left your tits to brace beneath your knees. The new position had them up near your shoulders, your pussy on full display under the water, and you shivered at the rush of coolness against your hot lips. “God you look so pretty like this, princess.” 

The tip of one long, slender finger skimmed your outer lips, teasing as it skipped over your clit and traced down the other side. “And so wet already. Very naughty.” He added a second finger and made a round again, listening to your breathing hitch and huff when he came close and missed again, and laughed.

“You’re such a tease, Tooru,” you whined, toes curling as he came close yet again and missed yet again. “So mean.”

“Awe, don’t say that, princess,” he tutted as his thumb finally pressed to your clit causing your hips to jump in Iwaizumi’s hold. 

His hands squeezed tighter, spreading you open further to Oikawa’s featherlight touches. The cool water intensified the feeling of his fingers on your clit, and when one finger teased your slick opening, you gasped.

Iwaizumi was nudging at your cheek, still grinding between your ass cheeks, and when you turned your head to him his lips landed on yours. His tongue immediately swept between your lips without permission, delving and tasting and swallowing the noises you were making, his fingers so tight they were sure to leave marks in the morning.

“You’re already so needy and we haven’t even done anything,” Oikawa said, feeling your walls clench as he pressed in to the second knuckle and grinning. “Tell me how good it feels, hm?”

Iwa pulled away, listening to your whiny pants, lips shiny and swollen and eyes glassy. “Feels good, Tooru but I need more, please. Mm, want you to stretch me out on your fingers so I can take both your cocks.”

“Oh, is that what we’re doing tonight?” Iwaizumi asked teasingly. His cock jumped at the thought. He always loved seeing stretched to the point you were crying, begging for more even though you can’t take it, so full that your orgasms were empty as you fluttered around them. “You’ll have to ask nicely if you want that, princess.”

You gasped as Oikawa slipped a second finger inside you, eased by the copious amounts of slick you were producing now as his thumb ground against your clit.

Iwa wanted so badly to join him in teasing you open and to orgasm, stuffing you full of their fingers as they prepped you to take them, but the view over your shoulder as Oikawa’s slender fingers pumped in and out of you was making up for it.

Your breath rattled as they scissored inside you, the words pouring out of your lips in a whiny, high pitched tone. “Please please please, can you both fuck me? Want both of your cocks in my pussy tonight, please?”

A third finger fit and spread and you keened when every pass began to grind against the soft spot inside you. You couldn’t help it, wailing as you clamped down around them, and Oikawa slowed down to work you through it.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty when you cum,” Iwa growled into your ear, but you barely processed what he said in your addled state. His muscles were straining with the effort it took to hold you like that for so long, but it was worth it to hear your breathy moans on the air. “Since you asked so nicely, I suppose we should reward you, huh, Tooru?”

Oikawa nodded as he started up again, feeling your walls flutter and clench from overstimulation, and he carefully avoided your clit for the time being. You were so wet now that a fourth finger slid in with no effort, but you gasped anyway at the stretch. It was a familiar sting that ebbed away so quickly you hardly noticed it, focusing on the feel of them inside you and you moaned Oikawa’s name.

“Feels so good, Tooru,” you said, fingers tightening in Iwa’s hair. The pleasure was surging again, still too intense but you reveled in it. “Always feels so good when you stretch me. Wanna take your cocks, please.”

Oikawa’s cock throbbed at your praise, neglected and achingly hard as he worked you open.

Iwa pressed a kiss to your sweaty cheek and said, “Patience, pretty girl. You’ll get what you want soon, but only if you let Tooru work that pretty hole open.”

You whined again, toes curling as you tried to do what he said, but you wanted it so bad. At last, Oikawa dragged his fingers from you and nestled his cock between your swollen folds, taking your legs from Iwaizumi and placing them over his arms. Iwaizumi repositioned as well, letting his cock slide alongside Oikawa’s while he cupped your ass, kneading and squeezing the soft flesh.

“Ready, princess?” Iwa asked, prodding your drenched hole and you nodded, toes curling when his head slid in. He didn’t wait for you to adjust, stuffing you full in one thrust and you couldn’t help the scream that filled the thick night air. He stopped when he was fully seated, feeling you clench and spasm around him and released a deep, stuttery moan into your ear.

You reached up and gripped the back of his neck, head tilting to the side and lips parting in a soundless ‘o’ as Oikawa eased in as well. Your back arched, but you couldn’t go anywhere pinned between them the way you were, and tears filled your eyes at the intense, pleasurable stretch as both their cocks settled against your cervix.

“Fuckfuckfuck,” you breathed, high pitched and scratchy, nails digging into Iwaizumi’s neck and Oikawa’s shoulder. “So good, so full, I can’t take it.”

Both men were panting as they felt your walls trying to squeeze down around them, fluttering uselessly and when Iwaizumi pulled out, you almost cried.

“Ah, ah, princess. You asked for this, remember?” he asked, and his hips snapped back into yours, hilting again while Oikawa pulled out. “You can’t back out now.”

“Never,” you cried, tears pricking your eyes as they alternated fucking you. You were never empty for a second but when they both snapped into your tight pussy, you squealed. “Want you to cum in me at the same time, fill me up, please.”

They listened to your babbling with smirks, eyes rolling as their veiny cocks rubbed and filled every inch of your cunt, tips taking turns kissing your cervix.

“You sure, princess? I’m not sure you can take that,” Oikawa teased, slowing his hips, and laughed when your head whipped up to look at him, pupils blown wide and pleading.

“I can take it, Tooru. I promise I can take it, please don’t stop,” you begged, almost sobbing when Iwaizumi slowed as well. Both of them now were just rocking their hips, both settled deep in your stretched pussy, and could feel every vein and the crown of their cocks dragging against your walls. “Pleasepleaseplease, daddy.”

You had whined it accidentally, but Iwa reacted with a sharp jerk of his hips to the name and you cried with relief. 

“Say that again, princess,” he groaned, pulling out to the tip. As soon as you gasped the name again, he was fucking up into you with abandon, joined by Oikawa a moment later. 

He was amused by the turn of events, but he was turned on by the bounce of your tits with every hard thrust, your head thrown back and moans and whines flowing nonstop from your parted lips.

“Gonna cum,” you cried, toes curling as someone’s cock tapped your cervix. “Gonna cum all over your cocks. Daddy, please, let me--”

It was like they both knew who you were referring to, because Oikawa said nothing while Iwa groaned low in his throat, teeth nipping your pulse point before commanding you.

“Cum for us, pretty girl. Gonna fill you up full of our cum but we need you tight around us first. Gonna make you feel so good, princess,” he snarled, and his thrusts changed so that he and Oikawa were filling you at the same time. Oikawa watched your eyes go wide, mouth open in a silent scream as you came, fluttering and trying to clamp down on both their cocks but it was useless. He rocked his hips gently, stimulating your g-spot while Iwa’s fingers found your clit and circled roughly. You jerked, your voice breaking as you screamed their names, first Oikawa’s and then Iwa’s.

You were jelly in their arms after that, fingers wrapped weakly around their wrists but you whined when Oikawa pulled out of you. 

“Sorry, princess. Daddy has to cum, then I’ll fill this pretty pussy back up,” he said and leaned down to kiss you softly. But you tasted too sweet and his tongue dipped into your mouth for more, swallowing the sounds you made as Iwaizumi resumed fucking you.

He sounded breathless when he came, a low, raspy groan filling your ears as a warmth filled your cunt, and he paused for a moment. Oikawa pressed in beside him again, and you tensed in their arms, moaning until Iwaizumi pulled out.

“My turn, pretty girl. One more and then we’ll clean you up,” Oikawa promised against your lips. He wasn’t gentle as he chased his pleasure, listening to you babble and plead for more, you can’t take it, feels so good, fuck*. “Shit, you’re still so tight after that.”

He tensed up as the pleasure broke over him in waves, hips rocking as he spent himself inside your womb, cum mixing with Iwa’s and you basked in the full feeling.

Iwa picked you up in a bridal carry and waded to the side of the pool, where Oikawa helped pull you up onto the cement deck. Your legs were sore and stiff from being held up for so long, and he just lifted you up again, walking naked into the house and dripping water everywhere.

It was, to his surprise, cool inside and you shivered as the air cooled the water on your skin. Iwaizumi’s footsteps headed to the thermostat while he carried you to the bathroom.

“Let’s do that again,” you said, nuzzling your nose against Oikawa’s neck. He smelled like chlorine and his body wash, and you couldn’t resist the need to press open mouth kisses all over his skin.

He laughed, setting you down on your feet and reaching for the towel over the shower rack. “Sure, princess. But not tonight. We’re gonna go to bed.”

“Well duh,” you answered as you helped each other towel off. Iwa joined you a moment later, letting you rub him down with the fluffy towel. “I’m exhausted.”

Iwa laughed, snatching the towel from your hands and throwing it on the sink. “Then let’s get you into bed, hm?”

You squealed when he hoisted you up and over his shoulder, smacking his bare back as he carried you down the hall. Oikawa couldn’t seem to resist the urge to pester you, poked your nose and tugging your hair all the way down, listening to you whine and slap at his hands playfully.

Iwaizumi dumped you onto the bed, grunting as you bounced and then bounced some more when your partners fell in beside you. The covers were pulled up and you were tucked between them, head resting on Oikawa’s chest while Iwa’s arm lay across your waist, fingers laced with both of yours.

In an instant the steady rise and fall of Oikawa’s chest beneath you and their combined warmth lulled you towards sleep, but not before you murmured, “I love you both.”

Iwa’s voice was thick and rumbly as he said it back, squeezing your hands. Oikawa pressed his lips to your forehead before he answered, light and airy and full of happiness.

And how could he not be? He had everything he wanted in his arms.

⇥  masterlist 

⇥ taglist: @umihami​, @kunimwuah​, @visaintes​

[youreacowgirllikeme]

Revelation

note: Chris Cuomo really is the only person who has the power to make me drop everything and write smut in the middle of the day just bc of one sentence he said on air (I’m obv talking about this) and I hate him a little bit for it (jk I don’t)

words: 1.4 k

warning: swearing (as usual), smut, daddy kink (obv)

Enjoy and sorry for typos and grammar, this came right out of my stupid brain

“I just don’t know what to do! “you whined, throwing up your hands in exasperation.

The decision about whether or not you should take this once-in-a-lifetime job offer had you racking your brain for the last two weeks. You loved the place you were working at right now, it was familiar and safe, the first job you took right out of college. But you were in a dead end now, and this new opportunity meant that you would be able to climb a gigantic step up the career letter, the better salary was also a huge plus.

But with that came a lot of added responsibility, the possibility of long hours and a whole new field of work you had little experience in. The new firm was expecting your decision the next day, and you were freaking out.

You had never been the type of person to just take a leap of faith, you were a careful planner and loved talking things through over and over again before making a decision.

So you talked to the person you trusted most, you boyfriend Chris. He was a couple of years older than you, meaning that he had considerably more career and overall life experience. When you addressed the topic, he went out of his way to help you. You made lists, had hour-long discussions about the pros, cons and how it would influence the life you had together. Chris was definitely in favor of you taking the new job.

“A change of career paths is a normal thing to do, this position would grant you so much more creative space and room to grow professionally. Your current firm is great, but there is nothing left for you to aim for there. You’re only 30, you’re too young to just settle for a job without persepective.” He said, voice already slightly annoyed. You have been talking about this for two weeks now, always going back and forth, and he was starting to get fed up with the topic.

“You’re right, but I’m just so afraid. It’s so much responsibility, and I’ve never worked for a magazine like that before. What if they find out I’m completely useless at writing about fashion, and then I’ll be fired?”

“Babe, they offered you the position. That means they’ve seen your work, and they like it. They want you. Trust me, those changes are necessary. It was such a big risk for me to abandon law and go into journalism instead but look where it got me. If I hadn’t taken that step, maybe I would sit in some law firm now, but I would definitely not be happy. And even as a journalist, I had to take several turns and make changes to get where I am now. It’s part of the journey.”

“I know.” You whined. You had heard all those arguments before, but you just couldn’t make up your mind. Turning to Chris, you pouted a bit and spoke. “I hate making decisions, why can’t you just decide for me.” Hearing that, Chris just shook his head, looking really frustrated now.

“For God’s sake, Y/N, don’t force making that decision on me. I can’t do that for you. I’m not your daddy.”

It was like your brain suddenly decided to completely shut down, the words Chris just said echoing in your head over and over again. You felt a spike of arousal between your legs, clenching them together as you tried to stifle a groan.

“Say that again.” You whispered in a breathy voice.

Chris was visibly confused.

“What, I said I’m not your daddy, why-“

The needy whimper that escaped your mouth at hearing that word again interrupted him, and he looked at you with the most perplexed expression before it dawned on him.

“Fuck, baby.” He murmured as he realized what you were up to. You could see his eyes darken as he was making his way over to you, grabbing you to pull you close. He leaned down to cup your jaw with his huge hand and tilted your head up so you were looking directly at him.

“What do you want to call me, baby?” he asked, voice a low growl now.

“Daddy.” You whimpered, leaning into the touch of his hand.

“Say it again.” He groaned, and you could feel the evidence of arousal starting to push against your stomach. You moaned at how stained his voice sounded, burying your head into his broad chest. “Daddy, please.”

“Do you want daddy to take care of you, baby?” He asked, and roughly squeezed your ass over the fabric of your yoga pants.

“Yes, please touch me, I need you.” You were a total mess just from the few words Chris had said, your panties already drenched as you grinded against the bulge in his sweats.

His huge hands gripped the hem of your pants and pulled them down together with your panties in one swift motion. Seconds later, his fingers were buried in you, pumping in and out of your pussy while you were clinging to him, your knees almost giving out under you.

“Good girl, you’re so wet for daddy.” Chris muttered, his thumb brushing over your clit before harshly pressing down. You could swear that you saw stars for a second as a powerful orgasm ripped through you, making you coat Chris fingers with your arousal.

You collapsed against him, and he picked you up, carrying you over to the couch. He carefully sat you down before quicky pulling down his own pants. His cock sprung free, he was already hard, clearly enjoying this as much as you did.

Chris sat down on the couch and beckoned you over with his finger.

“Come here, baby, you know what to do.” he said, and the deep, wanton tone of his voice would’ve make you do literally anything.

You crawled over to him, climbing on his lap before slowly lowering yourself onto his cock. You cried out at the feeling of being filled like this as you slowly took every inch of him until he was fully settled inside of you.

“Shit, Y/N, you feel so perfect around my cock.” Chris pressed out through clenched teeth, his hands gripping your tights so hard he was definetly leaving marks.

"Move for me, baby.” He groaned, delivering a sharp smack to your ass.

You started bouncing up and down on his cock, whimpering every time you sunk back down and felt him stretching you all over again. The friction was delicious, but you needed more.

"Daddy.” You whimpered. “Fuck me, please. I need more.” For a second, it surprised you how needy your voice was sounding, but you were beyond caring.

With a growl, Chris grabbed your tights and started pushing you up and down on his cock, snapping up his hips to deepen his thrusts. He was handling you like you weighted next to nothing and seeing him use his strength that way turned you on beyond measure. You threw your head back, totally lost in the pleasure he was giving you.

“You’re so perfect, baby.” He moaned, “such a good girl for me.”

Hearing those words was like a catalyst, and when Chris roughly pressed you down onto his cock, your climax hit you out of nowhere, making you tremble and shudder as you came. Seeing you falling apart like that pushed him over the edge as well, his iron like grip holding you down as he spent himself deep inside of you with a shout.

For a moment, no one was speaking as you slowly collected yourselves again.

“Wow, that was crazy.” You exclaimed after catching your breath.

“Yeah, I have no idea where that came from.” Chris admitted, pushing his sweat-slick hair out of his forehead before kissing you deeply. “But I really liked it.”

“Me too.” You replied. “Maybe it even convinced me to take that job offer. But I think we have to do it again before I can make a definite decision.”

You winked at him and he playfully smacked your ass in return.

“Everything for you, baby.”

[marshmallowprotection]

so...I'm someone who kins Saeran very heavily- each different Saeran included, though I tend to lean most into SE Saeran. and for me, Rika is a pretty severe trigger to the point I have to mute her voice in the game & max speed through most her dialogue because I'll end up shaking and getting so angry because she's so similar to who was my main abuser. like. I hate her so much I go into a blind rage just seeing her name and especially when she justifies abusing, drugging, gaslighting, etc. Ray & Saeran in his route.

anyways, because of how angry she makes me, as an mc, I know I'd be outwardly very hostile and aggressive towards her. so I was wondering...if Rika came around in the SE timeline at some point to "apologize" to Saeran (in quotations bc I know she very much plays the victim which is disgusting and don't believe she could be genuine here), how would SE Saeran react to an mc s/o who's normally very timid and quiet being, for her, surprisingly hateful towards Rika?

Ik GE Saeran wouldn't want this bc he has a different way of processing his trauma and how he wants to heal from it. He wants to forgive Rika so he can move forward with mc...but I'm not so sure where I land with how SE Saeran would feel seeing something like that...even as a kinnie lol

SE Saeran isn’t like GE Saeran. He isn’t kind and he isn’t forgiving, per se. He just cannot imagine ever letting go of his frustration and anger because it’s the only thing that he has. He won’t lash out anymore... at least, at Saeyoung or the RFA, nor you. His anger is muted but it exists within him and he knows that it’s okay for him to hold onto it because it’s a reminder that he was hurt and that he needed to know that none of this was a dream or sick joke. 

It’s why he hasn’t got his tattoo covered. It’s a reminder to not fall back into the way that he used to be and the way that he doesn’t want to be anymore. He’s not forgiving people and letting go of his anger, he’s not had the same chance in his life that the Saeran in AS has. He wasn’t given a chance to get help before he hit rock bottom and lost himself, and he’s just lucky that he’s able to be here now after Saeyoung yanked him away. Sometimes he feels like he’s trapped in the bunker, and in some ways, it does feel like that. 

There’s no agency but their dad is still out there and Saeyoung is rightfully worried. Sometimes he can be smothering about it, but deep down, Saeran gets why he’s like that, but it doesn’t mean he is kind to him all the time. He’s not going out of his way to scream at him and be angry, he’s realized that there is no point in that. It’s not Saeyoung’s fault, no matter what his mind tells him, but it’s not going to be rewritten in a day. He just let everything happened when he was robbed of his choice over and over again. 

Everyone always forced him to do what they wanted. Even now, even though Saeyoung has good intentions, he dragged Saeran from the hospital and took him away to protect him, but Saeran would have liked a chance to decide for himself what he wanted. He gets why Saeyoung did it, but that doesn’t mean he’s let go of what it feels like to be forced into something. Saeyoung decided, V decided, and Rika decided. When does he get to decide? 

Never? 

This plays into his attitude and how he feels about things, and there are points when he can be generally standoffish and overwhelmed with everything as his tired eyes rest on the ground. It’s not worth the energy anymore to lash out at other people, and he’s trying, but it’s so fucking hard. 

You were the first person he had ever met that told him it was okay to be angry and that it was okay to be hurt. You were the first person to let him decide what he wanted, you let him pick how you spoke and interacted. You were the first person to let him decide what to do. 

From the smallest things to the biggest things, it was always, “Saeran, what do you want to do? Is it okay to ask?” You’re always kind to him. Always so caring for someone that seems to be untainted by the hatred of the world. He likes that about you. He feels a sense of peace when he’s with you. He knows that he can be close to you and feel alright. When he’s with you, it’s like the stormy sea has calmed its flooding waters of his mind. 

That being said, he avoids almost everyone in the RFA. Jumin Han reminds him of Jihyun Kim. Yoosung Kim reminds him of Rika Kim. The other two are okay to him but he... feels dread and sick when he’s close to the aforementioned two on this list. It’s not their fault, but their proximity to his triggers is a lot for him to go and deal with. It’s better not be near them in the long run.

He’s admitted to you some of the things that have happened to him over time, but not everything... just enough that you could know how suffocated he feels in this place. You listen to every word and you respect him. You know what’s going on in his head and you always listen and validate his pain. That’s why he likes being close to you. He just never thought that...

Well, let’s just say that he never thought that he would have to deal with Rika again except for his nightmares. There’s not a lot of chances for her to find him and really, if Saeyoung knew, he would never let her get close to his brother, so it would have to happen when he was away from the bunker and away from his twin for this to occur. He feels like he can’t breathe when she finds him, and it feels like he’s slipping into hell. 

That’s when you stand up and you quite literally in no uncertain terms tell her to fuck off. He’s ripped from the dread in his gut to stare at you with wide eyes, it’s not every day you see someone so kind become so serious. He can’t find the use of his voice because of what this has triggered, but he can see so-very-clearly how you stand up for him when he doesn’t have the power to do that for himself. Normally, it would upset him to lose that control, but it’s you, and he knows that you don’t pity him. 

You respect him. 

Because you respect him, you tear into her verbally and let her know that she’s not welcome around Saeran ever again. He doesn’t want to see her and he’s made that clear with you, and you make sure that she knows that. He has no idea how you’ve managed to keep yourself afloat with your anger, every word, every trace, every second, he can hear you tell her what she did was wrong, and how she should be facing punishment for it instead of walking the streets like this. It’s so... brutally honest. 

You’re gripping your fist, and for some reason, he’s never respected anyone more in his life. 

You’re... using your anger... as a shield. 

You’re standing there to protect him using that anger. He never knew that anger could be used like this. Anger was always... a weapon, which Rika made him so he could use it to destroy things and he is still so wrapped within his anger now that it’s hard to untangle himself from it. He felt like his anger was a horrible thing because everyone always wrenched away from him when he lashed out or was honest about his pain. 

You’ve shown him that anger isn’t something to be ashamed of. You turn away from that woman, and look at him, asking for his consent to take his hand to get away from that area. Your anger is a virtue. You use it for good. He never knew that it could be used like this. 

He never thought he’d see Rika again, and he’d never knew how he would react, but his body is uncomfortable and screaming but you’ve managed to ground him in a storm. 

He takes your hand. 

And, leaves. 

A choice he was never able to make for himself in the past. He is free, he is free and he can make his own choices now, no matter what anyone makes him feel like. You’ve proven that to him. It felt like he was trapped in a haze until that time but... seeing anger used as protection instead of a weapon makes him feel like he has a lot to learn about the world. Even if he breaks down and cries later when he’s alone with you, he knows that you will always respect him and never once judge him. 

Because your heart is a sweet place, even with the hum of anger, and he wants to feel safe within it. 

[nmikaelsonimagines]

Unlikely: A Klaus Mikaelson Imagine

Request from @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​: I saw that you’re taking requests now and I’m so happy because you write Klaus so well and can’t wait to read more of your stuff!!! 😁 Okay this is gonna be a long one so if you don’t want to do it then I completely understand or maybe I could commission you to write it? So my idea is that the reader is Elena’s older sister, like 20 when the series starts (imagine that her parents could have kids but wanted to adopt Elena anyway bc Isobel was still a 16 year old) and is home from college and goes to the party with Elena so she is in the car when it goes off the bridge but is still saved by Stefan (or maybe Damon is there too and he saves her). She then develops really bad anxiety because of the accident so she drops out of college and moves back home. She can’t leave the house because of the anxiety and then becomes really depressed because she literally can’t do anything (and ends up on medication to help manage both the depression and anxiety). She is eventually able to do little things but it’s still really hard for her. She still ends up knowing about the supernatural and does help sometimes but it’s usually just research or helping from home. She ends up meeting Klaus (maybe kind of randomly? Like she’s at the store picking up stuff that she needs and no-one else is at home so she has to do it?) and, even though she knows who he is and what he’s done, she is really drawn to him. This helps her become a little bit more comfortable with leaving the house because she wants to see him but something happens to set her back (maybe it’s Jenna dying?) and she’s back to square one. She then begs Klaus to turn her because even after all that, they’re still friends and drawn to each other. He agrees to turning her because he hates seeing her so upset and in so much pain. The ‘gang’ aren’t happy at all but the reader doesn’t care anymore and even though her anxiety should be worse because she’s a vampire, she gets Klaus to compel her so she doesn’t get anxious anymore. Then they leave the small town behind and go travelling together and get married in Vegas or something (I don’t know, I’m not good at endings 😂) 

Talks of anxiety, depression, panic attacks and car crashes in this one. Hope this is okay for you lovely, and enjoy x 

“How are you, Y/N?”

Trying not to think about it. Failing miserably.

The car diving into the river, Elena screaming next to you. Your little sister about to die, and it was likely you were about to as well. Shutting your eyes, trying to pretend this wasn’t happening. Letting the water invade your lungs, everything going black.

And then, eyes open, the world swimming back into view.

Elena leaning over you in the hospital bed, holding your hand, asking you if you were okay.

You’d survived by some miracle, Stefan and Damon having worked together to save you at the cries of your little sister. They’d dragged you out of the river, and you’d been unconscious for several days. You didn’t know that in a few weeks you’d be wishing you had stayed that way.

The after effects of the crash were mentally catastrophic. The anxiety that overwhelmed you every time you stepped out of the house, the nightmares that plagued you, that had your younger siblings taking your place as the caring one when you woke up screaming, when you thought you couldn’t breathe, that you were drowning all over again.

But they helped you get through it, at least, they tried to. When they weren’t telling you the truth about vampires and the supernatural world, reminding you to take medication that didn’t really help, trying to encourage you to go back to college.

It was Jeremy’s suggestion that you try and do something normal. And so, grocery shopping had seen like a suitable first step. You did it by yourself, not telling anyone, feeling semi-confident when you walked out of the store, feeling a sense of accomplishment.

That was until you bumped into someone, the impact sending you to the floor, anxiety rushing back. You clutched your chest, closing your eyes, trying to maintain your breathing as you felt a panic attack coming on. The man you had bumped into crouched down, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Your heart’s beating so fast, love,” there was sincerity in his voice, a sense of caring running through a smooth tone, someone who knew what was happening, what he was dealing with, “Deep breaths. In and out.”

You did as the man said, and when you finally felt your heart rate slow, when your lungs filled with oxygen once again, you opened your eyes looking back into orbs of a deep blue that you would never get out of your head.

“What’s your name, love?”

“Y/N, Y/N Gilbert.”

“Okay, Y/N, Y/N Gilbert, I’m Klaus. Klaus Mikaelson.”

You knew the name, knew that he would find recognition in yours. Elena had told you about Klaus, about his plans, and you knew that you should have felt fear. But he had just coaxed you through your worst panic attack since your recovery, not knowing who you were, and surely he couldn’t be all bad because of that.

From that moment on, you were drawn to him, finding an unlikely antidote in someone who should have been your enemy. But the time you spent with Klaus was enough to make you forget about your troubles, anxiety and depression slipping out of your grasp, a sense of normal finally settling over you.

You began to have feelings for the man that you shouldn’t have, and you suspected that he felt the same way; the looks he gave you, the smiles, the laughs that escaped your mouth when you were around him.

And then he killed Jenna.

It was big enough setback in your recovery to send you back into an almost catatonic state. No one could access you, and soon enough, you felt cut off from the world once again. You had been betrayed by the man who had once helped you, and yet, you couldn’t stop thinking about him. You still wanted to talk to him, to find your solace in him even though he was the cause of your return to square one.

But you still let him in when he showed up at your house only two days later.

You still let him apologise, explain, beg for your forgiveness

You still asked him to turn you into someone like him, still let him feed you his blood, kill you, still let him stay so he could be there when you woke up.

You still let him kiss you, slow and lingering, hands in his curls, lips never leaving his until they had to.

He was your antidote, the man you loved, one half of an unlikely match that just seemed to work so well.

And when anxiety crept in, so much more intense than before, so much more suffocating, you allowed him to compel you to forget it all. It was a weight lifted off your shoulders, a breath of fresh air that you hadn’t taken in a very long time.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

“I’m fine, Klaus, really.”

“I’ll be back soon, okay? Just picking up some last minute bits before we leave,” Klaus’s voice on the other end of the phone was enough to squash any doubts you had about the decision you had made. In a few hours, you and him would be out of Mystic Falls, leaving behind the bad memories. Your siblings weren’t particularly impressed with your decision to go travelling with Klaus, to get married in Vegas as was the plan eventually, but you were an adult and you were finally happy.

“Okay. Klaus?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. See you soon.”

Klaus smiled as he hung up the phone. You had always called him your unlikely antidote, but what you didn’t know was that you were his too.

And would remain to be.

Always and forever.

Masterlist

[cross-d-a]

heads up 7 up

post the last seven sentences of your latest project (meta, fic, any other writing)

omgg i am finally getting to this!!!! @vishcount u always tag me in the best things thank uuuuu!!! i just adore reading all the snippets you send me?? like????? i literally CRIED reading That One Scene the other night and i hardly ever cry when reading!!!! u truly are a goddess and u Ruin me with all your dmbj thoughts ♡

because i am a CHEAT i am doing more than one project bc hello???? too many aus. also, doing ~7 or fewer sentences :)

★ first off I have the year-late HP birthday fic for my dear, dear @haru-tl. pls hit me for not having this finished yet. im an idiot and we all kno it. i tried really REALLLLLYY hard to find a snippet that wouldn't immediately give away the plot xD. i figure u deserve a piece of what i've been cruelly denying u haha:

"Severus only ever catches pieces of him: his laughter, warm and lingering. His hair, a frightful mess of dark curls. His hands, steady and rough, a lovely dark tan that’s as warm as his voice, as warm as a fresh cup of tea cradled between his palms. His eyes, a bottle green. A scar, pale and tangled upon his brow. It stretches its spindly fingers to caress his temple, kiss his cheek, to whisper along the length of his nose."

★ this is from the whispers of spirits, a dmbj fic centered around Li Cu & Liu Sang in Reboot wherein i just....go hog wild on all the stuff i was unsatisfied with, particularly the Princess Mute and Li Cu's spirit snake. this bit is kind of a flashback scene I'm not sure where to put yet:

“Mr. Jiao was predictably arrogant, predictably sleezy. He wielded English like someone might wear 24k gold: as if he thought it was the best way to boast wealth and privilege. He rattled off a price that would have made Liu Sang choke several years ago. It almost made him choke now. But he didn’t. Liu Sang was more professional than that, and he couldn’t afford to show any weakness here.”

★ i've been sitting on a half finished chapter of my ye zun indulgence fic, things we hunger for (guardian), for like 2 months now ( ; A ; ) i seriously need to get back to it bc it might be one of my fav things i’ve ever published???:

"Seeing Shen Wei now, moving about the kitchen like this is his own home, Ye Zun realizes it’s like hearing something slot into place, like a key in a lock. Or perhaps it’s like watching someone add a few strokes to a character, turning it into something new, yet familiar. It makes something in his mind settle and curl content, like: yes. Yes, this is how it’s supposed to be.

It’s a dangerous thought."

★ this is from a Wu Xie/Poly Reboot fic I've had bouncing around for several months now cause like- everyone one loves Wu Xie and he deserves all the love anyway :'):

"His father calls him greedy, but that’s okay because Wu Xie is. He’s greedy for affection and maybe he’s naïve, just like Pangzi says, for giving his heart away so easily. But when someone smiles at Wu Xie and means it?

Well.

That was how he fell so hard to Xiao Ge in the first place. He’d already been feeling a sense of mineminemine, but the second he could read the smile in Xiao Ge’s eyes he was gone. Dust. That was it for him. Here was his second heart, living and breathing and smiling right at him."

★ aaaaand finally we’ve got the star wars/dmbj au @jockvillagersonly and i have been screaming about to each other. omg i’m so Gone on this au. jockvillagersonly you’re such an enabler thank you ♡ also, i really couldn’t help but do more than 7 sentences.....:

“Wu Xie really hates how artful the fall of ink-dark hair is across the man’s brow. All pretty and perfect, like careful strokes of a brush. Like something right off the sinful side of the Holonet. 

“Tianzhen!” Pangzi hisses, elbowing Wu Xie hard in the ribs. “What the kriff are you doing?! I thought you hated Force-users!”

Admiring the equally perfect curve of Zhang Qiling’s backside, Wu Xie jabs Pangzi back. Right in the gut. Ignoring how Pangzi chokes and splutters, Wu Xie doesn’t say that he thought he did, too. He doesn’t say that all changed when he toppled from the Hanava tree. When Zhang Qiling reached out like he could catch him, like he had any reason to catch him. And those long fingers crooked as if he was holding something precious, and Wu Xie—

Wu Xie felt something soft and warm envelope him whole as he stared into Zhang Qiling’s dark, dark eyes, and his body slowed until he was floating midair.

Wu Xie certainly doesn’t tell Pangzi he’s developed a startling new kink. 

Pangzi might never recover.”

once again. sorry not sorry i did this differently. i’ve got too many things i’m working on at the moment haha. and omg vish thank u again for tagging me bc it’s so fun to share things i’m working on :’)

tagging @jockvillagersonly @lichelleme @undyingsunshine and @traineecryptid plus anyone else who wants to share their writing!!! ｡ﾟ✶ฺ.ヽ(*´∀`*)ﾉ.✶ฺﾟ｡

[captainsassmanes]

Trissshhhhh I have a dialogue prompt for you from that list, and bc you know I freaking love angst. “Take me instead” for Malex

Warnings: This one is heavy. Tw: violence, descriptions of injuries, torture, cursing, Jesse Fucking Manes.

Alex’s vision blurred and he realized, slower than he would have liked, that he could see nothing out of his left eye. He sent out a quick prayer that it was just swelling, nothing permanent. 

What that meant, either way, was that he couldn’t clearly see the blows before they came anymore. Maybe a small blessing. Maybe really shitty luck.

“Did Max Evans heal Elizabeth Ortecho from a bullet wound?”

The voice of who he’d learned was Staff Sargent Mitchell menaced in his ear. 

Alex was in agony. He’d barely eaten in what he figured was weeks, his stomach twisting in a hunger so severe it ached. He’d been beaten everyday, his injuries never having the chance to begin healing. There was a cut on his arm he was sure had become infected and it sat in the perfect spot to send shooting pains straight up his dominant arm every few seconds.

The first few days, maybe a little longer, of his captivity, he’d fought back: pulled against his restraints, spit in Mitchell’s face, laughed in his father’s. He could still remember reasons to be free again and to keep his mouth shut. 

Michael. Kyle. Isobel. Michael. Max. Liz. Michael. Arturo. Mimi. Maria. Michael.

He’d repeat their names when he was alone in his cell, pitch black with the smell of dampness and mold filling his nostrils. He’d pull up memories of them, his brain filtering through them all to feature only the best ones.

Getting high with Maria and laughing for hours. Study sessions with Liz that were more milkshakes and gossip than anything else. Sparing with Isobel, watching confidence radiate off her. Waking up next to Michael, watching the sun light up his tan skin, watching his chest rise and fall, the feel of his chest hair, wiry and thick. The little snores he let out when he slept on his back. The way Michael’s hands felt on his own skin, callused and so full of love.

He never cried from the pain, from the fear, from the threats.

But he’d cried when he thought of Michael.

Eventually, unable to deny it, the reality of the situation set in. Alex figured he’d been held for about two weeks. The meetings with his father, demented, psychological warfare, evolved to insure Alex knew no one was looking for him. No one gave a shit. No one missed him.

Kyle continued to go to work, date his precious, new co-worker. Liz and Max were rekindling their romance while Rosa, who they’d discovered almost instantly, continued to dance in the shadows. Isobel was event planning during the day and, according to sources, blowing up bigger and bigger things in the middle of the night.

And then there were Michael and Maria.

Jesse never hesitated to keep Alex well informed with that relationship. The dates they went on. The visits to see Mimi. The hand holding. The love making. The laughter and the smiles.

It had been just a couple of evenings ago, Alex lying on his back, arm on fire and bleeding from his head, when the tears finally stopped. He pictured Michael and Maria, arms wrapped around one another, eyes locked with wide smiles painted across their beautiful faces. He imagined ease and comfort and simplicity. Kindness and consideration, dedication and loyalty.

“Keep them safe...happy,” Alex whispered to no one.

From that moment on, he tucked it all away; his emotions, his pain, his reactions. He had nothing to give them and refused to yield even an inch.

His eyes met Mitchell’s and Alex made no effort to move. He didn’t shrug or smirk or blink an eye. He would give them nothing.

“What exactly can Isobel Evans do?”

Alex was unmoved. He took the next hit, breathing in through his nose, out through his mouth.

“Can Michael Guerin move objects with his mind?”

Alex felt a small wave of pride as he remained stoic at the mention of Michael’s name.

The next hit knocked him to the ground, the chair he was tied to coming right down with him. The military issues boots hurt like a son of a bitch, Alex feeling his insides bruising with each kick, until he couldn’t help but let out the vomit he’d been trying to hold back.

“Enough, Mitchell. Stand down.”

The kicking stopped as Mitchell took a few steps back and stood at attention. Jesse came to stand before him, feet still and silence filling the room.

“Pick him up.”

When they came face to face, Alex searched. He searched his father’s features for any indication that Jesse felt something, anything.

It was fruitless.

“This is all you’re gonna give us, son?”

Alex raised an eyebrow, not at the question but at the term of endearment.

With a shallow breath, ribs screaming in protest, he mumbled, “you’ve already taken everything. I’m not giving you shit. Dad.”

Jesse nodded, a familiar look of disappointment in his eyes. “Very well.”

The walk down the long hall felt surprisingly freeing. Alex knew this was it, the end of his journey. Jesse and whoever else was working for him had done what they could to get any information out of him. They must have realized he wouldn’t speak and no one cared enough to try to save him.

So it was time.

He wondered briefly if the stories his mom used to tell him as a boy were true. A great warrior may be able to rest in a peaceful, safe afterlife, or maybe reincarnate as human again to try once more, to live another noble life. Or, perhaps, his sins were too great. He’d end up falling into an abyss for eternity or come back but as a roach or something.

Truthfully, he’d never given much thought to death. Losing his leg had changed that a bit but he still did what he could to focus on the present, moment to moment. Maybe that helped him now. He still felt more curious than afraid.

Alex just hoped for peace.

As the small group turned the final corner, he was pushed back as the sound of guns cocking echoed through the space.

He craned his neck, trying to see what had happened, but couldn’t see past the mammoth solider in front of him.

“Stand down. Now. Hands up.”

“Aw, c’mon now, boys. No way to greet a visitor, is it?”

Alex stumbled a bit, head spinning and heart racing. It wasn’t possible. Not now when he was ready.

If he was being honest, there were nights, bitter, lonely, angry nights when he hated his friends, hated Michael for leaving him, abandoning him completely when he needed them most. He wasn’t the best friend but he did what they needed, helped where he could, took the blows he was dealt. And it got him what? Kidnapped. Left to be tortured and die. Alone.

But once he’d rested, once the blood stopped pulsing so loudly in his ears, he knew it was best. It was what he truly wanted. He’d never want Michael or the Evans’ to risk their safety, their secret, for him. And his other friends, they wouldn’t stand a chance against these fucking sadists.

It was best for all of this to end with him.

But now, as Michael stood in the space that was meant for Alex’s last moments, he couldn’t think.

“You’re nothing in here, Mr. Guerin.” His father’s voice was laced with condescension and excitement.

“Take me instead.”

Alex stopped breathing. Michael’s voice sounded calm and even, bordering on arrogant if that was possible with at least six guns pointed at him. Alex tried to speak but Mitchell beat him.

“If you haven’t noticed, asshole, you’re already taken.”

The sound of Michael’s laugh hit Alex’s ears and, beyond all reason, he smiled. That sound was so rare Alex couldn’t help but treasure it every time, even in the most dire of circumstances.

“Am I?” He felt the soldiers in front of him shift, a sudden change in the air. “Tell me, Master Sargent, why are you under the impression that I’m nothing?”

Alex grit his teeth and grimaced with the pain as he stretched as tall as he could. His eyes locked with Michael’s and Alex knew. There had been a plan. Thank fuck Michael had a plan.

The urge to sob and be held against Michael’s chest, wrapped in his strong arms was overwhelming.

“This place is so loaded with powder you won’t be able to shift a paper clip you fucking freak.”

Alex watched as Michael’s curls danced, moving with the nodding of his head.

“Yikes. I guess I didn’t realize. But I do have one more question.” He pointed to himself as he added, “curious by nature.”

He watched the hands of the soldier in front of him begin to shake, fingers gripping his weapon a bit too tightly. Alex smirked. Maybe they were starting to put it together.

With a voice suddenly full of anger and vitrol, Michael asked the room, “how the fuck do you think I got in here?”

In the blink of an eye, a force Alex couldn’t see pushed him against the wall, air leaving him with the strength of it. He gazed in wonderment, as if watching a movie or a perfect moment of a play, as the soldiers firearms all turned to white doves, flying confused and frightened around the space.

Each soldier died without Michael needing to move a muscle, his face unchanged, although his eyes had shifted from a stunning hazel to completely black. Alex thought he’d never looked better.

When the final man fell to the floor in a bloody pile, Michael turned that black, empty gaze to Alex. Jesse floated out of the room, chin lifted and struggling for air, and into the hall, toes barely touching the now stained linoleum.

Alex understood Michael’s silent question.

With difficulty, Alex stood, discovering his restraints had literally vanished. He met his father’s glare, searching one, last time for some semblance of shame, regret, sadness. He found nothing but disgust and hatred.

Cradling his core, Alex stood straight, the Manes man his father had always wanted him to be. He didn’t remove his eyes from his fathers and his voice didn’t waiver as he said, “lock him in and blow it up.”

Jesse’s body flew backward and into the room with his ever-obedient team. He landed on the floor, on his hands and knees, coughing and gasping for air.

Michael had moved to stand beside Alex, eyes now the stunning gold he normally wore, and took Alex’s bloody, broken hand in his.

“Don’t worry, Jesse.” Michael brought Alex’s hand up to his mouth and placed a delicate, gentle kiss to the back of it, mouth coming away scarlet with blood. “I’ll take good care of him.”

Jesse snarled and moved to stand before the door slammed shut and locked, Jesse’s screams slipping under the space of the door.

Alex stood, stunned, that it was finally over, that Michael was here, that Jesse would be gone, that he would live.

“We’ve gotta go.”

Alex nodded but didn’t move.

“Will you, Michael?”

“Will I what, Alex?”

He was too exhausted to keep the break from his voice. “Take care of me.”

Michael smiled as Alex felt his body become immeasurably lighter, moving without making any effort at all. Michael wrapped an arm around Alex and pulled him into his side.

“Forever if you’ll let me.”

Alex never imagined his happy ending would begin with an explosion.

[memoriesofyccjungrk]

this is a very … unexpected fc change notice !!

i’ve been struggling for about … a year ? trying to revitalize this muse ? not that i’ve lost any love for yccjungrk – actually, that’s why i’m trying this out to see if it makes much of a difference. she’s a muse that i hold very close to my heart, and that i couldn’t fathom abandoning … so here we are, trying something different ! if you know me well or follow me on twitter, you probably know i was considering this fc change about ? i think a year ago ? and i think it’s finally time to give it a try. new year, new muse, i guess ? so, two years after her acceptance we’ve finally moved from weki meki’s choi yoojung to dreamcatcher’s lee gahyeon !! nothing more than her face ( obviously ), birthdate ( now february 3, she’s an aquarius now ! ), and her hometown ( busan ! ) has changed !! it shouldn’t affect her muse much, slight personality tweaks, although not so much due to the fc change versus a small revamp of her – but that will be explained below. it’s not even really a revamp.

but anyway – gahyeon’s among very few fcs i could see representing this muse, and i knew that if i ever did change yccjungrk’s fc, it would be to gahyeon. so here we are !! we’re starting this muse’s third year here at rookies, as well as 2020, with a path to what’s hopefully a happier, healthier, and more active muse. so, below are some ramblings trying to figure things out, as well as plots ( !! ) and some new information about royal’s lovely lupine, lee gahyeon !! please welcome her with open arms.

here’s to new beginnings ♥

things have been a little ? tough for this muse recently. so here’s going back to the beginnings – because honestly, her muse wasn’t very established when i started out here at rookies. instead, i started with a generic muse who felt a little lost, a little betrayed, and didn’t know what she wanted to do upon coming to rookies. as i established her as a muse here, the following developed ::

her mother died when she was young, and is the reason she started dancing

her father shut down after her mother’s death, blaming himself for what happened

she tried to reconcile and cope with what happened, but she was young and her father, who was her only real support system at the time, wasn’t responding well either … so, she had to grow up very quickly and take care of herself

she worked at a dance studio throughout high school that she’d attended as a student in middle school

she participated in a dance crew while in high school

she excelled in school because she wanted her father to notice her – but he never did because he paid little attention to anything

she managed to get into snu on a full-ride scholarship bc of her grades, and moved to seoul to attend as a linguistics major to go into a ‘ practical ’ career where she could make money, but she … really hated it

the only thing that got her through it was that she worked as a choreographer at a dance studio, image, in seoul; that dance studio was basically her life, if she wasn’t at the snu library, she was there

finally alone, she thought about actually pursuing her dreams and doing what she wanted for once in her life

with the help of kim doyeon, she applied for the mgas

she’s still confused as to how she managed to get a contract, and that royal entertainment of all companies wanted her

she was excited, but stressed, in the beginning – now she’s mostly just stressed

her life doesn’t have much direction now

of course the direction she’s currently pointed is toward debut – and don’t get me wrong, she wants to debut !! but with the boy’s recent debuts gahyeon can’t help but look at them and feel a little helpless. because of course it’s a good sign – it means it’s possible to debut !! but it also means that she likely won’t debut anytime soon. she does love being a trainee and realizes how lucky she is to even have gotten this chance, much more with royal – but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t gotten a little … well, lost ( *cue lost in the woods from frozen 2* ). she doesn’t know what to do because sure, she has what she wanted – she’s a trainee now !! she’s so grateful !! but she’s also, well … a trainee now. her path is uncertain from here on out. she’s aware that royal wouldn’t debut a girl group for a while.

so … what to do now ?

the simple thing is to throw her to the wringer. get her sick, have her father come back to haunt her, injure her, something simple. easy stuff. but not really likely ? gahyeon’s careful and knows her limits ( even if she tends to overwork herself anyway, but at least she usually realizes when too much is too much ), so she wouldn’t allow herself to get injured nor is she likely to get sick, and the ol’ mun in the back has plans for gahyeon’s father … so that doesn’t leave a whole lot. the lovely mod carly mentioned writing out goals, so … what are those atm ?

debut, with the royal girls preferably

get lee dongmin to kiss her ( yes jess, she won’t shut up about it )

keep in better contact with her idol & non-trainee friends

create new choreography

go back to university

create a life outside of royal

admittedly, it’s not much. it’s hard to … muddle through the fog that’s surrounded her muse, because she feels stuck. she feels as though she’s not making any real progress, and like everything involving trainee-dom is monotonous. she doesn’t like doing the same thing week after work, and january’s evaluation is the first one she’s actually been pretty excited about. she doesn’t know how to fix that issue … doesn’t know where to go, who to talk to – but … she has friends.

life outside of royal hasn’t really … existed much for gahyeon since signing. she talks with friends outside of royal primarily through text, and she meets with her friends at events around the city when she has time, but ? that can’t be her life. that’s really why everything’s so boring. her life is work, eat, sleep, repeat. she doesn’t do much outside of her trainee schedule ( not that royal gives her much time ), but all work and no play makes johnny a dull boy, and all that.

with the fc change, gahyeon isn’t much different. actually, most of her personality changes have already been put in place via her becoming a trainee, and being more confident in herself and her skills. she still has severe insecurities about herself and her talent that she masks with a convincing enough façade – but maybe we can break that ? her birthdate change makes her an aquarius now ( which, i’m sorry aquarius friends, made me literally groan irl bc i’ve met very few aquarius’ i like rip ). so, it’s almost as if the personality she was gaining fits her a little bit more now – just … more insecure than maybe she should be. with her time as a trainee, gahyeon has become more independent, and is more likely to speak up for herself. it doesn’t help the fact that she’s a little, well, over-emotional. not that she wasn’t before – it’s only amplified by the fact she’s a little more forward than perhaps she was before becoming a trainee. she tends to take on a mentor/motherly role to anyone younger than her, or anyone who has any struggles and asks her for help. she puts other people before herself and is almost altruistic to a fault. she prioritizes other people and their progress over her own, but she usually makes up for it by working herself ragged. but that’s always how her life has been – she took care of her father, so she takes care of everyone around her. it’s always been about them – never her.

i’ve also noticed something: gahyeon needs connections.

i have this problem where she has relationships/friendships with people, but she never really ? interacts with them ? i don’t know why, probably because i’m quite terrible at plotting and have run dry on ideas – but you know ! we need to change that. she only has maybe ? 2-3 solid, deep connections ? but we always need more.

anyone who may have met gahyeon back in her dance crew days !! this would’ve been around 2015-17 ? she also would’ve travelled a bit for it, so if you were perhaps part of one, y’all would probably have met at competitions !

she’s now from busan instead of changwon – so maybe i could get more past connections for her ? maybe people she knew in hs or who went to the dance studio she was a junior choreographer at ?

people who used to take glasses from gahyeon and want to reconnect

people who went to snu with gahyeon and either knew she auditioned for mgas/were confused when she dropped bc they never knew and want to know what happened

you’ve seen her videos online/saw her on the mgas, so you approach her !! maybe you’re also a youtuber, and you want to collab on something !! she’s super open, and youtube challenges seem dumb and fun she’ll do it

you need a roommate, and gahyeon’s apartment is big enough for two people – after some talks with the super, they’re letting her get a roommate, and honestly gahyeon’s super thankful, she’s very lonely and hates living alone

you live in gahyeon’s building and her dog always at some point in the night ends up yipping – you realize that it’s when gahyeon comes home and decide to confront her about it. she’s a child and scared when you confront her, maybe she cries – but she’s exhausted and you notice and well now you’re friends

maybe we need a burnt out trainee support group bc gahyeon wants to lay on the floor and sleep all the time and that’s just not healthy

speaking of which, you find her on the practice room floor one night because she fell asleep before she could manage to leave … and maybe you reprimand her because she really shouldn’t be doing that

someone she opens up to about her struggles – especially about her feeling inadequate. a connection where gahyeon hadn’t realized there would be one.

you two were close before gahyeon became a trainee and she apologizes profusely for dropping off the face of the planet when she got signed but you’re here now so let’s go get some korean bbq and i’ll pay for the drinks, okay !!!

literally anyone who will do bts cyphers with gahyeon ( preferably trainees, but if non-trainees would want this plot uh !! she has a youtube channel !! what’s stopping her ?? catch gahyeon snatching j-hope’s lines thank you very much

gahyeon likes to cook let’s have a party or smthing sometime soon and like. she can just cook for everyone. idk. let gahyeon cook more 2k20

not to mention, she’s open for ... literally anything. please, if you’re interested in anything, hit me up, either here or on twitter ( @/arkendrai ). i want and need more plots, and i want gahyeon to last a long time here. if we’ve already plotted and you want to snatch something up ! let me know ! if we haven’t ! let me know !! we can get ... literally anything started, please

i love you all, and i hope this is a better year for us all

[facelessdreamer]

Fuck

I hate my mum so fucking much. I shouldn't but I feel it. I’m just so fucking mad because she’s she. I fucking fuck o my god I just arghhhhhgggggfhshgskwwj fucking ARGHHGGGGGGGGHHHHHH the fuck she make me do things? Why the fuck does whatever she say to me piss me off this much. I don’t give a shit about her words and constant nonsense about the same shit okay! And why the fuck does she drag something on for so long?! You can always always always fucking see I’m in the middle of some shit. Whether it’s tv or fucking all set to leave the house. Yet you’ll fucking talk and keep me from it. And I always try so fucking hard to just stand or sit there and hear your fucking shit I don't wanna hear. I don’t listen. I just hear bc that’s all I can naturally do. Seriously the shit she talks about with me doesn’t ever interest me and Ive no energy or will for it. I just wanna go on about my life and never be stopped for a minute. I have my own wars beefing me in here already. I barely fucking watch tv either. Today’s my day off in like absolute fucking ages. I hadn’t spent a day at home for weeks and she's out here talking on the phone needing the tv volume low and being her usual loud on the phone and I can’t hear shit on the tv? but when she watches tv were not allowed to make a fucking sound? only double standards from this woman aggravate me on a level as high as this. Later she even hoovers in the same room for 15 fucking minutes, are you dumb? It’s not a fucking mile long mate why take that long I'm building all this shit load of adrenaline and already fuming after 5 minutes of her presence with this clutter. I watched her the whole time instead bc she was blocking the fucking tv and sound with the bloody Hoover noise so I was forced to see all this instead. All I wanted was to watch this single programme man. that's all. it may not matter in 2 days or 5 years but I wanted this, for now, for the moment I desired this. So tell my why tf does it take that long to Hoover this small space in our living room? I swear the longer she took outside of 5 minutes pissed me the fucck offf and I was just there sitting, building samosas and fuming. I really couldn't help it. this part of my life everything made my blood boil. my mother was sitting at top throne of that fucking trigger mate. Fucking hell the way I always hold shit in with her just takes me soo mad I can’t even explain. All my nerves will explode and I could die. 

My fucking 7 year old shit of a little cunt sister pissed me off as well too. Several times today. I was watching tv during the time my mum made me come down and make somosas while she was also talking on the phone like I said. I wanted her to just leave bc I couldn’t hear the tv and she also made us minimise the volume. The fucking nerve. Anyway I make her leave when there’s not much left to do with the somosas now. I switch to the plus one channel bc I wanna watch the whole royal programme again hearing every word of it and I can get what I wanted out of today finally. But noooooo now this little cunt who refused to leave the room now too kept making a million loud and unnecessary fucking noises and I was just so astonished at how she was so capable at making so many annoying sounds with her presence. How can she make that much noise in front of my eyes and why were they so heightened. They were bangs and shuffles and paper crunch and jar closing noises. Like I told her several times nicely to stop! I can’t hear the tv. And already bc I have to speak out to her underdeveloped brain I was again missing the programme. 

Mums in my room now calmly, like usual utters make sure you put it blah blah so they don’t end up somehow back in the dirty laundry and omdssss it was like bitch why the fuck are you even talking since you came up. I’m mad rn and you’re bursting my fucking bubble again. I was hanging on by a fucking thread and could have gone to bed mad with all that shit I was feeling about her but noooo she came up talking in such a calm manner while I'm so mad and dying the fuck inside. And calm talk when I’m fucking mad coming from the person I’m mad at and especially from my mother again pisses me of like a knife to the gut. My anger and level of resentment it ain’t normal so don’t tp me over the fucking edge but ya did didn't ya! these days breathing even pisses me off so imagine my mother fs. Anyways she now says to me in a subtle manner don’t be angry and just like that, I’ve lost it. I just said something automatically back. I said WHY YOU ALWAYS IN MY STUFF she goes.. who? I say YOUUUU, DONT EVER TOUCH MY SHIT AND STAY OUT IF IT WHY YOU ALWAYS TOUCHING IT AND DONT EVER TOUCH WHATVER IS MINE IN MY ROOM AGAIN Like I’m so mad man bc wtf when I entered my room beforehand I knew instantly shit was touched. My resentment mingled with emotions of anger is mega mega heavy when my shits touched by anyone. Especially this little shit and my mum bc that’s when shit goes missing, things are mistaken for rubbish and then things are misplaced. I don’t like that shit. I don’t. I don’t like it. It pisses me off in a different way. Do not touch my shit. Like noooo I don’t carrrreeee, if you think it’s rubbish I don’t caaaree leavveeeeee it motherfuckering alooooneeee. I don’t care if there’s a dead rat laying in the centre of my room. Do. not. fucking. move. it. My mum yeah comes in and does what she likes. I noticed some things that were different from last I saw it and something that didn’t mean much that I kept she threw away the other day and I picked it up again bc I could have added it to a rubbish collection of mine and today it’s gone again. Are you dumbbbbbb when I noticed that amongst a couple other things like earlier she had my sibling bring down a handful of my Nike socks to put in the wash FUCK SAKE what? Fuckk off now, no! Do nooot dooo that! OMDS fs I was so mad and agitated I don’t like it man like I don’t I could cry. I can’t tell you why it deeply bothers me but it does so please do not touch my shit fucking hell! I don’t care if it’s dirty. I’ll handle it bc I literally decide when to take it down for a wash and until I make that decision and you done it for me? no that's not okay. idk why I get this deep angered feeling man but just fuck off. Then a mention from her the other day saying why do I keep my room so junked with condiments shoved with shit inside, like keep less. And that came about in my head during all this madness so that added to today’s events and why in a burst of anger I said why do you touch my stuff etcetera. She never said nothing and just went down because she knew I was mad now. To her over nothing but to me over fucking everything. It’s a whole days worth of built up anger man and I don’t have the will to go on telling you everything on why I’m mad toward you bc I’ll breakdown form it all and I really don’t want to bc you happen to be my fucking mother and I don’t like later regretting the very true shit I’d say in this state. But it kills not to as I  bottle it up and feel the pain of these unsaid things. better me than you though. 

I balled my eyes out just before writing all this bc I was angry I could not. Got that fucking pain in my neck from holding back the cry. Like reading through it sounds like why did I get so mad and cry about it all. But it was a whole days worth of built up anger and other little things through out so I stood there then in my room for a moment then with all the anger and mean words inside me that I wanted to say out loud that I couldn’t therefore didn’t. I was just feeling it all. Then my dad came up saying whats up, am I mad and stuff like tell me. I kept saying nothing and that each time he said something to me. Bc obviously he heard my tantrum thrown at my mum. Heck the whole house heard. I didn’t scream or yell thaaat loud but it was me in the house who was being angry and throwing a fit today. So yeah after dad left my room door almost closed I sat and I cried silently. I just hate so many things about my mum man. I don’t even think hate is the right word. I just don't wanna be her anything. She is what makes me tick most. The things she says to me about all things and even about me. Like I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it. If I hear it I just get mad I don’t get hurt. or maybe I do get hurt and subliminal ignore the hurt and instantaneously replace it with emotion of severe anger with a lot of resentment. Like it just bothers me I can’t be myself bc she’ll throw the biggest fit and occasionally cry bc you’ll feel so shameful of your daughter being anyway that you don’t want or approve of. Like that’s why i hide so much of me already and have to leave the house before she catches a glimpse of me and come home making sure the same thing. I tread carefully around my mum bc she will throw the ugliest and meanest fits that I cannot allow her to feel or cause vibes in the house bc of. Like it’s too much. So if there’s anything I can do to help that than I will hide and be who I am. It’s all so complicated man. last thing I did was get up before getting in bed and slam my door shut so she can hear know I'm maaaad. it felt good. Hope it have her a shock. 

Like idek why I run to my blog. I just had to let it all out somewhere and I hadn’t cried in forever so that was something.

I’m fucking hungry too. I barely ever eat and there’s nothing to eat. Nothing appetises me at all

Fuck I still feel shit

[fubukimori]

Lift-of-the-ground hug

Basicly it was going to be not longer than one page silly attempt at writing in English, but I’ve got carried away a bit ^^” This is dedicated to @crazy-bone-lady​ (Nevia belongs to her), bc she is a nice person dragged me into a bunch of cool people in my current fundom, where I was introduced to so many cool characters i would never know by myself. I really aprechciate this ^^ Since Nevia is my favorite one, I decided to write something she inqluded. I hope i didn’t mischaracter her ^^” (im also willing to write something like this with ataric but not really sure if i capable of that)

Also a reminder that I’m not an English-speaking person, so my apologies to you if you find this writing full of mistakes of different kinds (still need to figure out how to put direct speech into shape properly). I warned ya ;3

It was awfully early in the morning. Barely a few people were slumberly heading to their work places to get prepared for the daily Tower routine. Guardians are rarely wandering here that early, even commander Zavala wasn’t  here yet. Nevertheless Fubuki was already on her feet, cheerful and vivacious after a good “two hours nap” which started yesterday noon and ended just an hour ago. Deserted Tower seemed so nice and unnatural so she was just strolling around, humming random melodies and enjoying the absence of croudy guardians while looking for the perfect place to sit and crochet the shawl she’d promised to Ikora.

Passing by the lord Shaxx’s survey point and obviously finding him here, already boisterous and loud, Fubuki noticed someone on the place commander Zavala usually stood. The Warlock’s poor eyesight didn’t allow her to recognize who was that person, so she called her Ghost out to help. “Ori, who is that over there?” she asked, pointlessly squinting at the stranger. Should’ve taken her glasses. “Oh, that is Nevia. That huntress from the Crucible”.

Usually lord Shaxx doesn’t match kinderguardians like Fubuki with fabled veterans of the Crucible, but some time ago he decided to give everyone a challenge, mixing up together guardians completely randomly. Most of the youngsters immediately started complaining about unfair difficulty since they were supposed to face and fight guardians way more skilled than themselves. Fubuki on a counterverse liked the idea of the challenge, but after some matches, where opponents were literally wiping floor with her, she almost gave up and decided to avoid the Crucible this week. “Just another one and I’m done with this humiliation” she thought, heading to the Nessus special fighting arena. This time was just like the others - she died and died and died… Almost crushed enough to explode and rage quit the match, Fubuki saw an opponent Titan, already speeded up enough to smash fragile warlock against the wall with their shield bash, but suddenly she felt a firm grab at her wrist and then was pulled behind the pillar next to her. Titan’s shield bash slammed loudly against the wall. Fubuki got panicked and threw her pulse grenadine towards the Titan’s direction. Confused Defender shrinked back, but wasn’t fast enough. In a split second Fubuki saw a cloak in front of her and then a flashy sword swing. The Titan clutched his chest plate with a shaky hand then dropped dead on the ground.

“Hey!” the cloak person turned back to an unusually speechless Warlock, brushing blood off their Quickfang. “Watch out where you are daydreaming, nerd!” Huntress barked and headed forward, searching for the other enemies. Fubuki followed her since she had always been told to stick with teammates in the Crucible, especially if they were actually capable of killing others.

Huntress seemed completely unbothered by a “never asked to be” companion, she was concentrated on winning this particular match. When she went through a giant stone arch in the middle of the arena, there was an unexpected foe. Another Hunter was hiding behind, squatting with Tractor cannon. Fubuki was shadowing her, so she met with this enemy Hunter face to face, while he was attempting to finish powerless opponent. Before he managed to shoot down Fubuki in a close range, she slapped him with an Arc charge, hurting him just enough to be finished with a single shoot in the head from the Huntress’ hand cannon. A perfect team work, yet absolutely spontaneous. Fubuki placed a healing rift, recovering the Huntress from that dirty trick. “Thanks” the only thing the Huntress said, reloading her magazine. Fubuki just nodded silently.

“I see you’ve got a little friend, Nevia, hahaha! Mind you, Fubuki, Nevia is a great warrior, but a terrible teacher!” lord Shaxx had been satisfied seeing twenty kills in a row by one of his favorite Crucible fighters and was praising their duo for the last five minutes. Nevia was doing most of the work, when Fubuki was putting all the effort to support her, providing healing, Arc souls and grenades, hitting the right spot barely half of all the times. When the match was over and everyone headed to collect rewards, Fubuki finally got a chance to have a good look at her savior. She was surprisingly very short woman, an Awoken just like Fubuki herself, with a severe gaze and short shaved head. “H-hey!” Fubuki exclaimed with her voice shaking of excitement, though the frown look she gained from the Huntress made her feel chill crawling on her back. Nevia looked up and down at the Warlock and then raised her brow. “Oh, it’s you”. The Huntress had probably recognized messy Crucible Warlock’s armor colored in Metroshift which Fubuki had been wearing during the match, her gaze softened a bit. It immediately brought a delighted expression back on the Warlock’s face. “Yes, it is me, your faithful support from the last match, hahaha!” she responded with a rather high-pitched voice. That’s what she does when she is excited or nervous. “I just hope I was not bothering you”

“Nah, you did fine”

“Hope so. By the way, your name is Nevia, right? I am Fubuki, it was a pleasure to fight alongside with such skilled guardian!”

“Hah, thanks”

Seeing the Huntress wasn’t really in the mood for a chatter, the Warlock got a move on with finishing this little pep talk. “Well, we are doubtedly matching in the next one, so, um… Good luck. May the Traveler's Light shine upon thee” she made a profound bow, spreading her hands in a proper Warlock’s sign of gratitude.

“The same goes for you” Nevia raised her hand, a shadow of a smile on her face. ”See you around”

From now on, Fubuki was meeting Nevia in the Tower sometimes. Every time the Awoken met each other, Fubuki waved her hand in a greeting, Nevia responded with a simple nod. Sometimes they shared a word or two. Amicable Warlock would love to make friends with this gloomy Huntress, but she seemed not really into making friends with anyone, so Fubuki was trying hard at least don’t be obtrusive. However, being in such a good mood, she decided to make a move. Fubuki jumped in the air and glided toward Nevia. Noiselessly landed behind the short Huntress, way taller Warlock grabbed her and then lifted of the ground in a snapshot. “Heya, Nevia!” she cheery exclaimed, holding tiny Huntress on her arms. “Glad to find you here tod…”

In the next few minutes Fubuki learned several lessons. First, never ever mess with Hunters before they are finished with their morning coffee. Second, if you’d spooked them or spilled their coffee, no matter how high you can jump or how many times you cried “I’m sorry!”, you’ll get stabbed. If you’d done both, it is for sure.

Fubuki was always the one learning in a hard way.

When Ori revived her, lord Shaxx, who had seen all the scene, was still laughing, definitely already bursting in tears, if only there was no helmet on his head. Nevia was already missing. “That...wasn’t such a good idea” Ori concluded. Fubuki didn’t say a word to him, only cursed to herself in several languages.

At the end of the day Fubuki was tired and really unhappy. She still felt guilty for the morning incident, and also very stupid. “You must always think first, you stupido. Now she is probably thinking I am mental or something” she rumbled to herself, heading to the vault. “Well, guess I deserved it anyway”

“Hey”

Fubuki didn’t hear someone approaching, so a sudden voice from behind made her flinch. It was Nevia staying behind with her her arms crossed on her chest. “Oh, em… Hi” Fubuki didn’t expect the Huntress to get close to her after she pissed her off. There was an awkward silence for a moment. “That… wasn’t very wise of you. You have to make sure this won’t happen again” she said, shifting from one feet to another. “I know, I am really sorry!” Fubuki exclaimed in response. “I… I just get really childish sometimes, I really do sorry for that”

“Yeah, and I could have played it cooler” Nevia said, lifting her gaze up to the Warlock. “Dammit, why are you such a pole?”

“I… I do not know. I was like this from, well, from the very beginning” the Warlock was a little frustrated, but it seemed the Huntress wasn’t pissed off anymore. And she kinda… made an apology too?

“So, no hard feelings, right?” Nevia asked, her face was less frown than usual. “Absolutely!” Fubuki responded with a wide smile on her face. The Huntress hold out her hand, the Warlock immediately shook it. “Glad we are cool now” she said, squeezing Huntress’ smaller palm. “If you ever need help with, well, some abstruse thing or maybe will need a medical advice, you can always call me for it”

“Sure, thanks. We should go outside the Walls someday” Nevia responded with a smug smirk. “Someone is gonna teach you not daydreaming right in the middle of the battlefield”. Fubuki laughed awkwardly. The Awoken took their leave of and both went where they were planning to. The weight of the guilt finally loosed from Fubuki’s shoulders. She hates being disturbing for anyone and the fact that Nevia had let the morning incident go made her finally feel good again.

“I hope you are not thinking you are already friends, right?” Ori hovered next to her, preaching as usual. 

“We might become ones some day. She is actually nicer than she tries to look like”

“I doubt that”

“You doubt anything, little one”

[simplelittlebrowngirljae]

Thank You Endo, You Made Me Who I Am!

My journey to diagnosis of endometriosis is probably like any other woman but I love to tell my story, well because it is mine. But what exactly is endometriosis? Endometriosis is a disease that affects millions of women. It is when the lining of the uterus grows on the structures and organs outside of the uterus--- to include intestines, bladder, lungs and kidneys. It can cause infertility, pain with sex, heavy bleeding, severe pain during periods and in between, fatigue. Women with this disease also can develop endometriomas or chocolate cysts which are hard to detect. Endometriosis often takes years to diagnosis because it cannot be seen on a test—it most often is diagnosed by surgery. The best way to describe how this disease affects women is like having thick black tar causing your organs to stick together. Endometriosis can also affect your heart with arrhythmia, cause dizziness, malnutrition, among other whole body symptoms, which makes it hard to diagnose.

Growing up, I never really noticed my period was an issue until I got to high school. My flow go to be soo heavy I became severely iron deficient and my cramps were killer. I complained to my mom, and she dismissed me but I persisted. Finally she made an appointment with Primary care doctor at the age of 15. My doc asked questions and said “ oh some women are just heavy, if you lost weight it will get better” I took that and walked away and binge dieted and my weight didn’t moved and my symptoms did not improve over a year. I would bleed so terribly during my cycle I would soak through EVERYTHING! Finally I went back to my mom and begged her to take me back to the doctor. She was then convinced I should have an ultrasound. That turned up nothing but at 16 my doc put me on birth control. I immediately felt better and my cramps lessened and flow lightened. I felt I had my life back.

Well let’s fast forward 10 years. I got married and went off my BC and horror came back. I wanted a baby so bad, so in my head I was going to push through so that I can have what I always wanted! But, I had days I would have to leave work because I had just bled all over. On top of that, if I was home, I would vomit all the time, wouldn’t be able to move or do anything. I ignored it because I wanted this kid, I didn’t want anything to get in my way. But then things really changed. I was sick ALL THE TIME. And felt miserable. I went to my dr because I didn’t think I was pregnant because I was literally in between cycles. As soon as I went to her, my cycle began and it was the worst I ever had in my life. She explained to me that I had gotten pregnant by my embryo wasn’t viable because of my eggs and that my uterus could not house a baby and I would have severe complications—I had been told at 25 I would have no babies. At that time I couldn’t quite process that, and she didn’t care to go into great detail. I refused to believe the tom foolery. I never told a soul, not even my husband. At the time, she couldn’t fully explain the whole situation but she knew things weren’t right.

Shortly after that, we split. And I decided to go back on BC to end my horror each month. I tried to do an IUD and my body rejected it—twice. I went back on pills, and had to try multiple methods because I was diagnosed with High Blood Pressure too. In all of this, I was also trying to lose weight and wanted to be wise in my choices. Found a great method and felt okay for a while…. Until March 28, 2014.

I had deep pain in my pelvis. It got so bad I could not sit, stand or lay without 8 pillows under my butt. I went to urgent care and found I had a cyst rupturing. I was told to follow up with my gyno the next day. I did and it was confirmed and it was a doozy. Rest was ordered and soon I felt better. I thought that was it. But I was wrong. Over the next few months, it got worse and I made more ER trips than I could count in a 6 month period and nobody could tell me what was going on. I was told the pain was in my head, that I was drug seeking, that I was lying, that I was depressed and that simply, everything was fine. But it wasn’t.

So I began to seek out specialists. I saw GI drs, Interventional Radiologists, Orthopedists, Surgeons, Gynecologists who were surgeons, Urologists until one day I stumbled across a woman who told me her story and how she suffered much like I had been. She gave me the name of a doctor who specialized in finding hidden endometriosis. See what I hadn’t said is that I had had a laparoscopy to look for endo and it wasn’t seen. But what I did not know what that there is hidden endo, and the doctor must be specially trained to find it. So I called and got an appointment instantly. I was scheduled for surgery soon and when I went in I had a mass the size of a half dollar removed and other lesions. My endo was mild, but it was there. Time went on but then everything came back!!! Like what the hell?!?!?! I went back and cried. We had tests ran and it was suspected that I had also developed adenomyosis as well, which is like endometriosis inside of your uterine wall, like deep in the uterine wall, so just as painful! We tried different meds and things and time droned on. Until I got a huge mass on my left ovary. I went back and next thing I know I am having surgery, lost an ovary and a tube and had a lot of endo removed, as it had spread to my bowels and my sciatic nerve. No wonder I couldn’t walk well, no wonder I could not sit, no wonder I could go to the bathroom the without assistance of laxatives at times or why I would feel sick. My pelvis was almost glued together but thank God I didn’t have to be cut open. The down side is that my tummy looks like a connect the dots picture. It was also confirmed what my other doctor said years ago—I would not be able to have children but now we knew why. The endometriosis and adenomyosis had wreaked havoc on my body and made me not suitable to bare my own babies--- soo much to continue to process.  However, I thought that after this surgery I could start my life over … but it took me so long to heal….nearly 8 months!!!! But the pain was bad and the multiple cysts and masses and growths being gone was worth the recovery time. I am on a treatment plan to slow my growths and manage my pelvic pain, but that is not a cure, that is management. There is no cure for this

Endometriosis is unpredictable. I could be out on a walk and feel great one minute and then five minutes later my legs give out. I could feel okay in the morning and by evening have severe pelvic pain. I have days where I look amazing, and days where I look 10 months pregnant. I can’t remember the last time I wore pants with a zipper and I am being totally real! This is reality with endo.

But I will always live with this. I will have flares. I will live with my pain. I will never bare or birth my own children. However, I will always be thankful. See this disease was my first battle with a difficult chronic illness. It changed who I was. It made me patient, it made me speak up for myself, it made me advocate for myself and others, it made angry, it made me vocal, self-aware, even more empathetic, passionate but most importantly, it made me learn my boundaries…. So many things, but most of all it made me, well me.

See that is the thing about this disease or any other chronic illness that debilitates you. It is life altering and if you don’t set your boundaries with others, daily activities and other things, you will suffer more than you have to. But at the same time it helps you to draw on this deep strength that you never ever knew you had and it feels amazing!!!

So thank you Endo, you shaped who I am!

[tr-u-ce]

All of the get in my businesses!!!

YASSSSS

The meaning behind my url: Uh I was a 21p blog ages ago and truce is a v meaningful song so I haven’t really thought to change it to anything else to be honest

A picture of me: :^)

How many tattoos i have and what they are: I have none bc I’m both poor and a little bitch

Last time i cried and why: I think it was probably yesterday because I’m stressed about EVERYTHING

Piercings i have: I sorta have my ears pierced but I haven’t put earrings in them for over 10 years so they’ve p much closed up lmao rip

Favorite band: UHHH idk I haven’t listened to music properly in so long because I’ve had exams but I’m always going to be stanning The 1975 and Bastille until I die and I’m so in love w/ the Lumineers so?

Biggest turn offs: people that r just a bit too silly n stupid, being hurt and stuff, um idk 

Top 5 (Polish words): (in no particular order lmao omg I don’t have an awful lot to choose from) Chleb, Nie, miłość, jajko, żaba

Tattoos i want: I wan’t a little yin yang or mb like just a yin idk, um also I want all the lyrics to Eat Pierogi written on my forehead

Biggest turn ons: IDK I’m a baby lmao but um being nice to me lol idk um being dominant I need to be told what to do 24/7 lmao

Age: 18 but mentally about 5

Ideas of a perfect date: Walking a lot somewhere pretty like a forest or something and then going home and ordering chinese food

Life goal: To live in Poland and be able to speak the language well enough to be able to work as a nurse there

Piercings i want: Definitely my ears again, other than that I don’t think I can be bothered to get any more

Relationship status: Very much in a relationship

Favorite movie: I DON’T KNOW every time I watch a new film it becomes my favourite

A fact about my life: Uhh idk it’s not very interesting at the minute but hopefully I should be moving out soon and by hopefully I mean very very hopefully

Phobia: Flying, also like creepy crawlies walking all over me

Middle name: Leigh I guess

Height: Like 5′5 pretty much

Are you a virgin? Nop

What’s your shoe size? 5 I’m a baby

What’s your sexual orientation? I guess I’m graysexual but I just say I’m ace it’s easier

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs? I drink sometimes that’s about it

Someone you miss: Josh lol what’s new also my BAB

What’s one thing you regret? Taking Biology and Chemistry at A Level and wasting two years of my life

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: Alex Lawther, 

Favorite ice cream? EEE cookie dough

One insecurity: My stomach I hate it I want to cut it off

What my last text message says: ahhh okay xxxx

Have you ever taken a picture naked? lol yeah

Have you ever painted your room? No :(

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? Like at parties

Have you ever slept naked? Yeah like twice

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror? Way too many times

Have you ever had a crush? Way too many times

Have you ever been dumped? twice

Have you ever stole money from a friend? No erm

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met? I mean I have taken several taxis in my life but other than that I don’t think so no

Have you ever been in a fist fight? Not that I remember

Have you ever snuck out of your house? Yeah to play pokemon go 

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? yes lol

Have you ever been arrested? uhhh no I am a very law abiding citizen

Have you ever made out with a stranger? no :/

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? Does this literally mean have you ever met up with a male somewhere because yes?

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents? Yes to play pokemon go

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor? …no

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun? Once me and Imogen were really late to school so we thought go big or go home and just got breakfast from the coop and ate it in the common room before signing in lmao

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? yeah plenty?

Have you ever seen someone die? I don’t think so as far as I can remember

Have you ever been on a plane? Twice and they were traumatic experiences 

Have you ever kissed a picture? uhhh I don’t recall doing so but I’m sure I probably have like as a little kid

Have you ever slept in until 3? uhhh I don’t think so (?) I might have done after a really late night w/ Luke

Have you ever love someone or miss someone right now? What the fuck does this mean like either way yes but ??

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yeah once I did it at primary school and I thought that that was how fast the world was spinning and I got really really like disoriented and threw up or smth

Have you ever made a snow angel? no :(

Have you ever played dress up? yes lmao wtf I was a little girl ofc i did

Have you ever cheated while playing a game? I play a lot of monopoly so it’s far to say….. yes

Have you ever been lonely? NOOOOOO

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school? I think like I’ve only fallen asleep once and that was in a German lesson watching a film after I’d done my first ever all-nighter

Have you ever been to a club? no:(

Have you ever felt an earthquake? yess twice they were p anticlimactic because both times I didn’t realise it was an earthquake until after

Have you ever touched a snake? I don’t think (?) so, not unless I was really young

Have you ever ran a red light? Not personally but I’ve been in plenty of vehicles that have bc we just don’t give a fuck around here

Have you ever been suspended from school? nope, almost though

Have you ever had detention? Never actually had a proper detention in my entire school career how sad is that

Have you ever been in a car accident? Not really I’ve been in one where we broke down and somebody hit the back of us really slowly

Have you ever hated the way you look? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

Have you ever witnessed a crime? I mean probably, I think I’ve seen a lot of people stealing shit

Have you ever pole danced? No but a girl can dream

Have you ever been lost? Probably yeah

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country? Many times

Have you ever felt like dying? Many times

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? Lmao many times

Have you ever sang karaoke? nope!

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Definitely I can’t think of a specific example though bc my entire life is just ‘hannah no’ ‘hannah yes’

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Not that I can recall but probably

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger? nope

Have you ever kissed in the rain? yess

Have you ever sang in the shower? nope:/

Have you ever made out in a park? I think I probably have

Have you ever dream that you married someone? I don’t think I have as far as like I can remember

Have you ever glued your hand to something? uh no

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? ….no?

Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked? I mean once I went in a very short dress my legs were v naked

Have you ever been a cheerleader? noooo

Have you ever sat on a roof top? Kinda I’ve sat on like a shed lmao

Have you ever brush your teeth? no, not once in 18 years

Have you ever ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? I’m v often too scared to watch scary movies alone

Have you ever played chicken? no because I’m not stupid

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No I’ve literally never met anybody that owns a pool

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? Yeah bc men r weird

Have you ever broken a bone? No my bones may be bad but they ain’t snakes

Have you ever been easily amused? I’m always way too easily amused tbh

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? Definitely 

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? I mean my boyfriend yes

Have you ever cheated on a test? Yes and that’s why I won’t pass Biology

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name? Yeah I forgot my patient’s name and called them smth else and felt rly shit

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real? I’ve met many people who are too stupid to actually be real

Give us one thing about you that no one knows. I’m so oversharing I acc can’t think of something nobody in the world knows um mb that I’m ace? I mean I didn’t piece that one together myself for like 18 years lol

[inke-ri]

*winces* yea. see, I think this hits the nail on the head. After a year I finally found the post that really explains my big issue with the hidden world. I remember back when the movie came out, and I had a minor breakdown (okay, little more than minor, might have cried a bit) over the fact that Dean constantly called the dragons "wild animals" and that directly clashed with the way I saw them (as intelligent thinking creatures capable of making their own choices). I even quoted the exact two things in OP's post, but it was in the sense of "did I seriously misunderstand the plot so badly? were Valka and Hiccup just projecting onto the dragons after all?"

I was very confused and very upset but I kept putting the blame on ME, the viewer, thinking I had missed a key part of the way this story was written... But now, after having many months for this movie to settle in the back of my head, I can see that it... Wasnt really me. It wasnt my interpretation that was faulty. I had thought so, I think because it had been hammered into my brain that Dean had thought of the ending for so many years.

It's honestly kinda funny because I went off specifically about this several dozen times - how HTTYD1, GotNF and HTTY2's themes directly contradict 3's, that the WHOLE POINT was that love > instincts - but I always missed the fact that no, it isnt just love > instincts. Its the fact that those instincts were never violent in the first place.

The movies can sometimes throw you off, because of the Alpha's control on Toothless in 2 and the way the Queen was an aggressive little tyrant in HTTYD1. But the whole point of the movies was that "everything we know about you... is wrong" (or however the quote goes, it sucks that 3 has soured even my constant rewatching of the first movie). That dragons when left on their own arent naturally distrustful and aggressive, they're kind and curious and playful and respond to trust with trust of their own.

And I guess I had forgotten, I guess I took 3's canon as hard canon and thought the problem was with me as the one analyzing it. And now my tiny little brain was just blown once more, as I remember the lesson HTTYD 1 taught us all over again. Is this how the berkians felt when Hiccup showed them dragons werent inherently evil? hah! It's almost worth it, for the delight of feeling how they felt |D

I guess its just... good to know that the problem wasnt me, y'know? it takes a weight I didnt know I had off my shoulders. It isnt really us being salty for "no reason bc the movie was great you just dont see it". Its the fact that they literally changed the core of how dragons think and behave, and slapped a HTTYD-esque coat of paint and setting over it. Of course everything is gonna feel off and weird for a fan, because they're moving and talking like Hiccup and Toothless but theres a subtle underlying difference making them out of character. and thats it, thats exactly what made all these scenes feel so off! Its cause they changed the most important rule of HTTYD's universe. When you change the very core of your world lore, its literally impossible to keep the ripple effect of that from affecting every single character. And its just so freeing, to finally understand that it wasnt just a bunch of weird decisions and scenes that dont make sense. To stop wondering how all those changes were approved of when the message of THW is so contradicting of the rest of the series. Its literally just one change- a massive one, but so subtle that you dont really realize how much it impacts the plot until someone in tumblr whacks you over the head with it.

Valka: This wasn’t a vicious beast, but an intelligent, gentle creature whose soul reflected my own.

THW crew: