#i listened to it yesterday. good album. not really my taste of music but still good

[felixcosm]

The way people are responding to Taylor Swift's new album because they don't think she is tortured or mentally ill enough to call it that is fucking embarrassing.

God forbid an artist ever exaggerates for artistic purpose. God forbid a celebrity writes about pain or suffering if they haven't experienced the maximum amount of trauma in their life.

I mean, everyone knows the moment you become a celebrity all your human experience disappears and you elevate to a new level of existence where you cannot have relatable experiences anymore for the rest of your life.

[ariestrxsh]

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 content warning: smut, some fluff, some angst, mommy kink, edging, handjob, sub!virgin!matt, experienced!pervy!reader

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 author's note: here are parts one, two, and three to me & u. 💖 thanks for being patient with me while i took so long to get this out, and there will be a part five to this story in the near future.

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 summary: while spending time with matt, you start to find out more about his past, which leads to your first disagreement with one another.

me & u part four

"What if I came and cleaned it up for you with my mouth?" You said in a sultry tone through the phone. You smirked at Matt through the window after you watched him finish using his new sex toy, but he'd already grabbed an old t-shirt and was wiping up the mess he made.

"I'll tell you what. You can clean up the next one," he said in a breathy voice on the other end of the line. "I'd be honored," you replied, squeezing your thighs together to relieve some of the tension you were feeling.

"I'd love it if you came over, though. My dad's gone," Matt bit his lip. "What are we gonna do?" You asked him. "Anything you want," he responded. "Anything?" You wondered in a flirtatious tone. "Within reason," Matt chuckled at how dirty-minded you were.

"I'll be over soon," you replied, hanging up the phone and hurrying over to the neighbor boy's house. You let yourself in through Matt's front door, taking in all of the changes that had taken place since you'd last been over.

There were actually kitchen appliances on the counters and portraits on the wall of Matt in his younger years. You smiled, running your fingers along the frames and the glass before making your way up the staircase.

You turned the door knob to Matt's room, and as you swung open the door, he was pulling his zipper closed and still trying to catch his breath. He looked up at you and smiled. "So, what do you think of your new fleshlight?" You teased Matt.

"I think you know what I think," Matt playfully rolled his eyes. "I'm glad you like it," you leaned up against his door frame and looked him up and down. "Like is an understatement," he said, taking his toy to his bathroom to rinse it out. "Your house is coming together nicely," you called to him from his bedroom as your eyes glossed over the new additions to his space.

"Thanks. My dad and I had a lot of time to unpack today," Matt called back to you. You sifted through a few vinyls Matt had stored on a shelf beneath his record player. "I didn't know you were a music fan," you told him. "I mean, who doesn't love music?" Matt asked, coming back into the room and studying the way you ran your dainty fingers across his music collection.

"Yeah, but you listen to really good music," you replied, taking a Led Zeppelin album off of the shelf and slipping the record into the player. Traveling Riverside Blues came through clearly on the speaker. "What can I say? I have my dad's taste," he shrugged. You picked up Matt's journal off his desk and started flitting through the pages.

"May I?" You asked, glancing up at him. "I mean, I just came on the phone with you. I don't see why you can't read my journal," Matt chuckled and reached around to rub the back of his neck like he always did when he was nervous.

There was nothing written for the day the two of you had met, but there was an entry written for the day after. "I met my new neighbor yesterday. She's kind of a slut," your jaw dropped as you read the words on the page and peered up to look at Matt.

"Look, I know that wasn't the nicest way to put it," Matt said, walking towards you, prepared to de-escalate your anger. "Don't worry. It turns me on to be called that," your shocked expression turned to a smirk, and you continued reading the next sentence.

"She's really hot, and she seems to know what she wants. I like that about her. She's nothing like May. Who's May?" You wondered, glancing up from the leather book again. "My ex-girlfriend," Matt timidly told you.

"I didn't know you had dated anyone before," you relayed in a surprised tone. "We dated for about three years, but she's the only girlfriend I've ever had," Matt admitted to you. "Three years? Why'd you guys break up?" You wondered aloud.

There was a moment of silence before Matt answered you. "We ended things because I moved away," Matt said with a somber tone in his voice. Your stomach dropped. "So you guys broke up recently," you replied, fiddling with the leather cover. "Yeah, fairly recently," Matt said.

"So, you're not over her yet? I mean, it would be crazy if you were. It was a three-year long relationship that ended recently," You insinuated, trying to hold back the tears that were beginning to form in your eyes.

"I mean, I don't even know what it means to get over someone. I've never had to do it before," Matt said defensively. "Why didn't you tell me about her?" You narrowed your gaze at him.

"It didn't come up, and I was waiting until the right time to tell you," he answered you. "Do you still love her?" You wondered with a hurt look on your face, and Matt stood silently, staring at you for a moment.

You shut off the record player. "It's a simple question, Matthew. Are you still in love with her?" You interrogated him with a bit of anger in your tone now, crossing your arms over your chest.

"We ended things a couple weeks ago. How am I supposed to say no?" Matt asked, raising the volume of voice. "Do you guys still talk?" You wondered, taking a step closer to him.

"She texted me last night and asked me how I liked my new house. I was too high to answer her, but I texted her back this morning," Matt hesitantly admitted, shrugging his shoulder and sticking his hands in his pockets.

You didn't want Matt to see you cry, so you spun around without saying another word, bounded down the stairs, and ran out the front door. You headed for your backyard to be alone and collect your thoughts, climbing up the ladder to your treehouse as hot tears started falling from your eyes.

You knew that Matt and May weren't together anymore, but it was the fact that he still had leftover feelings for a girl he'd probably still be dating if he lived in the same state as her. Not only was he still in love with another girl, but a girl that, in his words, was very different from you.

On top of it all, you had always struggled with jealousy in relationships. Your mind raced through the worst-case scenarios. What would happen if Matt went back to visit May, or what if she traveled here to visit him? You wondered if it would change the way he felt about you.

You were wiping your tears with the back of your hand and sniffling when Matt poked his head up from under the treehouse as he followed you up the ladder. "I didn't mean to make you cry," he timidly said, looking at you with his big, blue eyes. "Did I say the wrong thing?"

You wanted to shout at him and tell him to leave you alone. You wanted to say anything to hurt him to make him feel what you were feeling. You wanted to hide behind your tough facade, secretly afraid to be vulnerable with him, but you couldn't look at him and imagine being mean to him or raising your voice at him.

"I don't want you to be in love with May," you blurted out as you started to sob again. Matt climbed into the shelter with you, his journal in hand, placing it in his lap as he sat beside you, wiping away your tears.

"It's just still fresh. That's all. It was three years, and the reason we broke up was beyond our control, but it doesn't make sense for us to be together, and now that I've met you.." Matt trailed off, rubbing your back.

"Since you met me, what?" You asked softly, lifting your head. "Well, you didn't even finish the journal entry, silly." Matt handed you his leather notebook, and despite your hesitancy to read on and hurt your own feelings worse, you opened it back up to the page you left off on.

"She's nothing like May. The more time I spend around her, the more I realize things I didn't really like about May and my relationship with her. Like how passive she was, how she always kept me guessing about how she felt about me, and the way she never disagreed with anything I said or challenged any of my beliefs," you read aloud.

"Wait, you actually like that I'm disagreeable and direct?" You asked, peering up at him, surprised because those were usually the qualities people criticized you for. "Yeah, those are my favorite things about you. It's refreshing to meet someone like you," Matt told you, looking into your eyes.

"I'm sorry I stormed off," you apologized. "I'm not upset," Matt assured you. "I just wasn't sure whether I was supposed to follow you or not."

You two sat silently for a few moments, just staring into each other's eyes, and the magnetic force between you and Matt pulled you each closer to one another until your lips were locked. The chemistry between you both when you'd kiss was undeniable, and you could each confirm that you felt it through your body language in the way your hands would wander, never being able to pull each other close enough.

"Do you wanna get high and go lay on your floor and Iisten to your records?" You asked him, looking into his blue eyes and caressing his face once you pulled back from the kiss. "Sure, but I'm only taking one hit," Matt looked at you, wide-eyed and smiling.

"That's really all you need," you smiled back at him, reaching for your stash and pulling a pre-rolled joint out of a plastic bag. You lit it up, exhaling smoke and watching it dissipate into the air.

"Do you wanna shotgun kiss again?" You asked Matt. "Shotgun kiss?" He reiterated in a confused tone. "Yeah, it's where I take a hit, and then we kiss, and I blow it into your mouth," you smirked at him. He nodded at you, leaning in as you took a drag, the cherry end of the joint glowing and crackling as you gently pulled from it.

Your lips softly brushed up against Matt's, blowing out the weed smoke as he breathed in and gave him a couple of pecks before pulling away. He exhaled, expelling the wispy, grey smoke from his lungs. "I don't think I'll ever get used to that," Matt laughed in between coughs.

You took a few more hits while you silently stared at the cute boy beside you. You watched as his eyelids grew heavy and the whites of his eyes turned a bit red. "Let's go check out your record collection," you suggested to Matt, nudging him in the arm and putting out the joint.

The two of you descended the ladder as the sun sank lower below the horizon, leaving behind a bright orange sky in its wake. You followed Matt's silhouette out your gate and back over the path that led to his house.

You found yourself lying on Matt's giant rug in the middle of his room while he laid his head next to yours but had his feet pointed in the opposite direction. You both stared up at the ceiling as Riders on the Storm by The Doors came through over the speaker of the record player, sounding textured and crisp.

"Can I stay the night here?" You asked Matt, peering over at him and his glazed over expression. "I don't see why not," Matt shrugged, looking at you wide-eyed. He did want you to stay the night, but he was afraid that you had certain sexual expectations about how the night would go.

"I'm not ready to have sex with you yet," Matt blurted out, searching your expression for a reaction and wondering if he was being too presumptuous by saying that. "That's okay. I understand. Could we maybe do other stuff?" You nibbled on your lip, looking at him hungrily. "I think I'd be okay with that," Matt nervously replied, nodding at you timidly.

The two of you enjoyed your highs a bit longer as The Doors' L.A. Woman album played through its track list until you were both too tired to keep your eyes open. Matt switched off the light, and you, the record player.

The two of you climbed into Matt's bed, stripping down into your underwear, nestling under the covers, and cuddling. Matt couldn't help but to get hard with your half-naked body curled up so closely to his with your nose nuzzled into his neck.

You guys heard Matt's dad pull up in his loud, rust-colored pickup truck, casting shadows across the bedroom as the headlights danced through the window. It's not that Matt wasn't allowed to have girls sleep over, but he certainly didn't think his father would approve of it, so the two of you silently decided to keep your staying the night a secret.

A couple hours later, you woke up to some movement in the bed. You figured Matt must have been tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable. You listened a little more closely, and you heard soft noises and labored breathing coming from him.

It wasn't long after Matt's dad came in through the door that he trudged up the stairs and made his way into his bathroom, turning on the shower and getting ready for bed. You and Matt laid in the dark, the only bit of light pouring into the room from a nearby street lamp, and you fell asleep shortly after in each other's arms.

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

As your eyes adjusted to the low lighting, you caught a glimpse of desire on his face while he grinded against his pillow, desperate for relief. You watched quietly for a few minutes as he rutted into his blankets and listened as your name faintly fell from his lips. You smirked at how needy he was being.

"Need some help?" Your voice broke through his breathy whimpers. "What?" He asked, immediately stopping and acting like he'd just woken up. "Help me with what? I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, you naughty boy. Are you lying to me right now?" You moved closer to him, speaking in a low whisper while you tenderly grabbed him by his jaw. "Wanna try that again, hmm? You gonna tell me you weren't just humping your pillow?" You asked in a quiet voice.

"I'm sorry, mommy. It's so hard. It hurts," he whined in a bratty tone. You started slowly kissing Matt's neck, and you felt his body tighten against you. "I'm gonna make it feel all better," you moaned against his ear.

"My dad's asleep in the next room," Matt said quietly before letting out a stifled moan. "Makes it more hot that way, doesn't it? When it's a secret? When you have to keep your volume low? When it's risky and you could be caught if you're too loud?" You cooed, gently brushing your fingers over the fabric of his underwear, exciting him even further.

"Mmm. I dont know," he softly purred as you caressed his member. "I'll stop if you want me to. You know, so your dad doesn't hear us," you teased, whispering into his ear and delicately touching your lips to his ear lobe before kissing it. "No. Please. Keep going," he moaned quietly.

You slipped your hand into the waistband of his boxers and started running your fingers along his length while your lips moved back down to his neck. You could feel each of his veins as you lightly grazed him, testing how much teasing he could take.

He kept anticipating you wrapping your fingers around his thickness and sighing every time you didn't. "Why are you teasing so much?" He softly whimpered. You gave him a gentle squeeze, quietly chuckling at his neediness.

Finally, with his cock in your grip, you started to move your hand up and down, stroking his length while soft, delicate whimpers poured from his lips. "How do you like that, baby?" You asked in a voice just barely louder than a whisper.

"I love it, mommy. Please don't stop," he begged in a hushed volume. "Good boy," you cooed back as you started to pick up the pace a bit. "You can't finish until I tell you to," you added at the end.

He let out a long sigh. "But mommy. I'm already so close," he quietly cried. "Then you'd better get ahold of yourself," you responded in a sultry moan. He nodded at you obediently.

You couldn't tell how big he was because it was dark in the room, and you were jerking him off under his blanket, but it felt bigger than average. You noted that your fingers struggled to wrap around his girth, and your strokes felt long as you pumped his length back and forth. You couldn't wait until the day you'd get to see it.

You felt a wet warmth between your legs as you listened to the boy whimper beneath you while you continued sucking on his neck. "Mommy, please," he whispered. "Please, what?" You softly cooed against his hot skin.

"Please let me cum," he said in a strangled moan. "Not yet, baby." You smirked as you brushed your thumb over the tip, spreading around his pre-cum and eliciting more clear liquid from his sensitive slit.

"Mommy," he desperately whined, struggling to keep his volume down. "Sh, sh, sh," you whispered back into his ear while you stroked him mercilessly, admiring his facial expression that was saturated with pleasure in the dim, cool light offered by the street lamp.

His eyebrows were brought together, causing a little wrinkle between them, and his eyes were tightly closed. He caught his lip between his teeth in an attempt to muffle his pleasured sounds, which he did poorly.

You slowed down, taunting him some more. "No more teasing," Matt said in a breathy voice. "Oh. Please, mommy. Mmm. Need to - oh - need to cum so bad," Matt managed to get out in a series of broken moans and stifled whimpers.

You sped the pace back up for him, covering every inch of his cock, sending ripples of satisfaction through his body. "Please," he said once more. "Wait," you told him in a quiet, stern voice. He nodded at you with a submissive expression on his face.

You slowed down again, drawing out the process, really making him beg for it. He huffed in response. "If you wanna get an attitude with me, I'll stop and leave you unfinished," you replied, slowing the pace of your strokes.

"Mommy, please. I'm sorry. I won't get an attitude," he weakly answered, gripping your wrist to keep you from removing your hand from his dick. "Then be a good boy for mommy, okay?" You whispered, taking your free hand and tilting Matt's chin so that he was looking at you. He nodded, releasing his grasp on you.

You pumped back and forth again, fisting his cock while he started writhing under your control. "Good boy. You're doing such a good job," you cooed. Your name passed through his lips a few more times along with a few oohs and aahs.

"Mommy, please," Matt sobbed. You ignored his pleas, continuing your strokes, paying special attention to the head every time you brushed against it.

You felt him twitch against your palm, his dick begging for sweet release. Matt was so close to the edge, graciously trying to hold out just for you, but he wasn't used to waiting to cum or asking for permission to finish, but he was discovering how much he liked it.

He was so grateful when these next words left your mouth because he didn't know how much more he could take.

"You've been such a good boy. Why don't you cum for mommy?" You whispered into his ear before you went back to kissing his neck. "Yes, mommy," he pathetically whined. He'd been waiting.

You saw the muscles in his face tighten in the dim light as his cock pulsated in your hand, blowing his load into your palm. His orgasm lasted several seconds due to how much you'd edged him, and he emitted a few guttural groans before a smile overcame his expression.

"Good boy," you whispered once more, kissing his forehead. He looked up at you breathlessly with his big, blue eyes and a satisfied grin on his face.

You got up and wandered into Matt's bathroom to clean the evidence off your hands, and once you got back into Matt's bed, the two of you wrapped yourselves up in each other.

You woke up early on Wednesday to the sound of the birds chirping and the morning sun peeking in through Matt's window as it came up over the hills.

You drifted back off to sleep, your legs intertwined with his and your head buried into his chest while you listened to the sound of his slowing heartbeat as his vitals returned to normal after his climax. Soon, you and Matt were both soundly asleep again.

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

You let out a big yawn, and you heard the cute boy beside you begin to stir. His eyes fluttered open, and your image became clearer as he adjusted to the change in lighting.

"Good morning, pretty boy," you said in a soft murmur. "Good morning, baby. You're up early," he mumbled back in his sexy morning voice. "I know. I have to work today," you told him, climbing out of bed and putting back on the clothes you'd wandered out of last night.

Matt reached for you with a pouty look on his face when he realized he wasn't going to get to see you until after your shift. You leaned in and kissed him. "How do you usually get to work?" Matt wondered out loud.

"I usually just walk. It's only a few blocks," you shrugged. "If you get back in this bed and cuddle with me for ten more minutes, I'll take you to work in the truck," Matt smiled up at you. "Deal," you replied, climbing back into bed and wrapping your arms around Matt for a few minutes longer.

"If you want to go run over to your place and get dressed for work, I'll go start up the truck," Matt offered, grinning at you. "That would be really sweet of you," you softly replied. The two of you left Matt's room, tiptoeing down the stairs and trying to stay as quiet as possible to keep from waking Matt's dad and blowing your little secret.

All your efforts were for naught when you and Matt made your way into the kitchen, realizing Matt's dad was already awake. He was sitting at the kitchen table, reading his Bible, and drinking a cup of coffee.

"Oh, good morning. I didn't realize you stayed over last night," his dad said, peering up at you both from the page, his gaze dancing between you and Matt. "Morning, Mr. Sturniolo," you timidly said, avoiding addressing the sleepover.

"Uh, hi Dad," Matt responded, reaching behind his head and rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I'm gonna take the truck to go drop my friend off at work really quick," Matt said, picking the keys up off the counter.

"Why don't I come with you guys? So I can learn a little more about your friend here?" Matt's dad asked, getting up from his seat at the table and extending his arm for Matt to hand over the keys.

Matt gulped, knowing that on top of figuring out you had stayed the night, now he was also going to know what you did for work. He reluctantly forked over the keys. "I'll meet you guys at the truck in about a half hour," you said, giving Matt a quick, awkward side hug.

You couldn't get out of the situation quickly enough.

The whole time you were showering, changing into clean clothes, and brushing your hair and your teeth, you were dreading how awkward the drive over was going to be. You resented that this was only your second interaction with Matt's dad, who you really wanted to like you and approve of you.

You were afraid it would go how any other relationship you'd had went. Their parents would either outwardly not like you, judging you based on all the most scandalous things about your personality and not bothering to get to know the other aspects of you better.

Or worse, the parents would pretend to like you to your face and then would badmouth you to your partner in private, telling them how much better they could be doing and how bad of an influence you are.

You braced yourself for it all as you sauntered out the door and headed for the orange truck.

"You ready?" Matt asked as he opened the door for you. You nodded and nestled in between the two men as Matt climbed into the truck behind you.

"So, what do you do for work?" Matt's dad asked you, pulling out of the driveway. "I work in retail. It's this way," you said, trying to avoid giving too much detail about your job and pointing in the direction of the road he needed to take.

"What do your parents do for work?" His dad wondered. "My mom is a flight attendant, and my dad was a pilot, but now he works in air traffic," you responded.

"Ah, so they work in similar fields," Matt's dad nodded. "Yeah, they met at work. Fun fact, I was actually conceived on a plane," you told them both. "Shit. Sorry. That was an overshare," you said, putting your palm over your mouth once you realized you'd just sworn in front of Matt's very Christian dad.

He didn't laugh or find your quirkiness charming. Matt looked at you wide-eyed, knowing your humor wasn't going to land well with his father.

You continued giving him directions to your retail job, which wasn't totally a lie, and he cleared his throat and gave Matt a look when the three of you pulled into the parking lot of a sex shop. Matt stepped out of the truck to let you out.

"Well, this has been fun," you said sarcastically, feeling the thick tension in the air as your feet hit the pavement. "Thank you for the ride, Mr. Sturniolo. Matt, I'll call you on my lunch break," you told him, leaning in and giving him a tender peck on the lips.

You could feel how warm and red your face was as you turned around and headed for the front door of your job. Your coworker, Carly was at the register, giving you an inquisitive look and watching the scene play out.

"Did your cute neighbor boy take you to work?" She asked, giving Matt a little subtle wave, and he waved back, giving Carly a shy smile.

"Yeah, and his very Christian father after he caught me sleeping over. Oh, and he didn't know I worked in the adult entertainment industry until about a minute ago," you added, looking at Carly with a deer in headlights look.

"Oh. That sounds like a very awkward morning," she said, trying to contain her laugher. "It's fine. You can laugh. It is comical, really. I just hope he's not in the truck, telling Matt that I'm a harlot and trying to convince him to stop hanging out with me," you expressed to Carly, tears forming in your eyes.

Her face softened, and she took on an expression of pity. "I'm so sorry. Come here. You know, no matter what his dad says about you, I'm sure Matt's still gonna like you," she said, pulling you into a hug and rubbing your back while she comforted you. You wiped a tear out of the corner of your eye before it had a chance to fall. "Thank you for saying that."

Meanwhile, in the rusty-colored Dodge Dakota, your worst fears were unfolding. "Matt, what on earth are you thinking? Running around with a girl like that?" He asked angrily as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"Dad-" Matt started to say, but the older man cut him off. "She works at a place called Temptations. You don't see anything wrong with that? You think God wants you canoodling with a girl like that," he replied, giving Matt a somber look.

"A girl like that? What does that even mean? There's so much more to her than that," Matt defended you, raising his voice a bit. "Son, just be careful. Girls like that are trouble. I don't know if this is some kind of overcorrection because you're upset about May-" Matt's dad started.

"How dare you bring up May?" Matt glared at his father. "I'm just saying, son. You and May made sense together," his dad replied, shrugging. "Actually, dad. We didn't. May and I stayed together for so long because neither one of us wanted to admit we were incompatible," Matt scoffed. "What?" Matt's dad asked, completely taken aback by his kid's comment.

Matt and May's relationship was picture perfect on the outside. They didn't argue, they didn't complain about one another to their friends and families, and everyone envied what they had. Everyone thought they'd be together forever, including the two of them.

"I know this new girl is completely different from May. She's not a Christian. She's loud and domineering. She's aggressive, and she's overbearing. And she's honest. Maybe even too honest. She always says what's on her mind even if other people aren't going to like it. And I don't love her despite those qualities. I love her because of those qualities," Matt huffed, silencing his dad.

The two men sat quietly beside each other in the truck, mulling over what the other had said. Matt's dad was a lot of things, but unsupportive wasn't one of them.

A few more moments passed before his father finally spoke up. "Fine. Invite her over for dinner. I want to get to know the girl you love."

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[thisaintascenereviews]

Various Artists – Barbie: The Album

Mentioning the phrase “pop music” seems to illicit a lot of reactions, usually within the realms of “I love it” and “I hate it.” Most people either seem to love pop music, or at the very least, certain artists within it, or they loathe it. I wanted to preface this review with my own rather complicated history with pop, because pop music is a genre that I have a rather strange “relationship” with. I got into music during the early to mid-00s, when pop music was in an interesting place, thanks to house / dubstep music being huge, and a lot of well-established artists now were just getting started, such as Lady Gaga, Kesha, The Jonas Brothers, Justin Timberlake, Bruno Mars, and many more, but pop music was starting to become boring and bland. I was also much more into emo, pop-punk, and metalcore, although I would come to realize years later, a lot of the pop-punk that I listened to was merely pop-rock with an emo lens through it. Thirteen-year-old me thought I was the bee’s knees for listening to that edgier and darker kind of music (I did like some “classic rock” at the time, too), and I thought that was “real music,” as every preteen and teenager tends to think during adolescence. I just didn’t find anything to like when it came to “mainstream” music, but that all changed in the winter of 2012.

I remember it like yesterday, because it was one of those things you won’t forget. I was in FYE, and I had just discovered the magic of that store, but I was looking around for whatever I could find. I was always looking for anything at all, and I could spend hours in music stores, but I ended up finding a copy of Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Say what you will about Jackson as a person, as well as his legacy, but Thriller is one of the best albums ever made. Without going detail into it, it’s a record that I knew about without even knowing anything about pop music. It’s one of those albums that I knew I needed to hear, so I picked it up for a good price (they always had stuff on sale, too, and that really helped my decision picking it up), and I ended up falling head over heels for it. What was interesting, however, is that, despite being released in the 1980s, it changed my perception of what pop music is, let alone what it can be. Ever since then, I became a fan of pop music, and for years after, I enjoyed plenty of pop records, such as albums from Justin Timberlake, Carly Rae Jepsen, and Harry Styles’ solo material, just to name a few artists, but listening to that record opened up a whole new world for me.

Pop music, at its core, is escapism. Whether it’s from their own lives, or wanting to live through their favorite pop singers, they want to escape. The same can be said for all kinds of music, but pop music has always been “popular” for a reason. When people think of pop music, they think of catchy, accessible, and “safe” music that doesn’t push boundaries or offend anyone. When I listened to Thriller, that misconception was completely shattered. That was when I took pop music seriously, and every now and again, you can find a great pop record, but a lot of pop music is still relatively safe, tame, and bland. Not that it’s bad, but it doesn’t push any boundaries, although that’s not the point, since it’s to sell records and make money.

I’ve found myself not as interested in pop music over the years, thanks to own tastes shifting, and pop music as a whole changing. It just hasn’t appealed to me, minus a few artists, but every once in awhile, I’ll find something I like and that “something” right now is the Barbie movie soundtrack. This film, released just a few weeks ago, is the latest topic in the pop culture zeitgeist, alongside Oppenheimer, and alongside the film, a soundtrack was released that caught my curiosity by featuring some of the most popular names in pop, such as Lizzo, Khalid, the Kid Laroi, Dua Lipa, Karol G, and Billie Eilish, although one of the big songs from this record is the remix / interpolation of “Barbie Girl” by Aqua that features Nicki Minaj and Ice Spice. That’s a very stacked list of artists, let alone the whole record being produced by Mark Ronson of “Uptown Funk” fame.

Despite not listening to a lot of pop music anymore, I was curious to see how this soundtrack would pan out, especially not having seen the film yet. You can talk about this album in two ways, the first being how it holds up on its own as a soundtrack, and the second as a soundtrack after seeing the film, but because I haven’t seen the movie yet, I thought I’d first talk about it on its own, and then talk about it again once I see the movie, or write a small companion piece to along with this. Soundtracks typically are companion pieces to the movie or show they accompany, and there is often an expectation that they need to be as good, if not better, than the work they’re apart of. I won’t comment on the film, as I haven’t seen it yet, but I will say that the soundtrack works quite well on its own. The soundtrack doesn’t say anything or do anything that pushes any kind of boundary, and it does what you’d expect a Barbie soundtrack to do, which is give you an album’s worth of catchy, fun, and summery jams, and that’s okay! I’ve talked about many times how not everything needs to be deep, and this is a perfect example of that.

The Barbie soundtrack is fun, lighthearted, catchy, and enjoyable from beginning to end. A lot of the songs are quite good, if not great, and it feels like a cohesive soundtrack, instead feeling like a random soundtrack, instead feeling like a random assortment of artists. I’m curious as to how these songs work in the film, but a lot of solid tracks are here, such as “Pink” by Lizzo, “Speed Drive” by Charlie XCX, “Silver Platter” by Khalid, or the “Barbie Girl” remix I mentioned earlier. It won’t blow your mind, or ultimately change the way you think about pop music, but it’s a fun ride through the world of Barbie. There are a few standouts, such as Billie Eilish’s “What Were We Made For,” which I guarantee is going to do some numbers in the coming weeks, but there are also a few songs that don’t add anything or do anything, such as the Tame Impala song “Journey To The Real World,” which seems to have a better purpose in the movie, but it’s only a minute long, so it doesn’t really do anything or go anywhere. Haim has a song, too, entitled “Home,” and it’s a good song, but it’s nothing really that special. I enjoy listening to it, but I wouldn’t pretend it’s one of my favorites. If anything at all, listen to the soundtrack and pick out your favorites, but I don’t think anything on here is worth outright skipping, although Gayle (who’s famous for “abcdefu” from a couple of years ago) does have a weird song that interpolates “Butterfly” by Crazy Town. It’s kind of fun, but also very weird and makes no sense, especially for the Barbie movie, so I don’t know how that song fits into the overall narrative, but it’s a decent song, nonetheless.

I’m interested to see how the songs from the soundtrack fit into the film, so when I go back and listen to the soundtrack after seeing it, I can picture the songs in my head. I’m very excited to see how “I’m Just Ken” by Ryan Gosling, who plays Ken in the movie, fits into the film, because that’s one of the funniest songs here. Nonetheless, this is a soundtrack that works for what it is – a catchy and fun good time. You don’t need anything more sometimes, since not everything needs to be deep, challenging, or have an underlying message to it. Sometimes a song or album can be fun, and you can enjoy it merely on a surface level. Sometimes enjoying things at face value is all you need. Pop music is at an interesting place right now because there’s nothing happening within the genre. I mean, the top three songs in the country as of this moment are country songs, so there’s no trend or overall idea that’s getting traction, unless you look at the trends of artists interpolating songs (the “Barbie Girl” remix is a perfect example of that), or the influence of nostalgia, but pop music is at a crossroads right now, so it’ll be interesting to see how this soundtrack charts and the impact that is has, especially since the film itself is doing very well at the moment. If you’re a fan of pop music, it’s worth hearing, because it has some catchy and fun summer jams on it, even if it won’t necessarily change your life.

[penroseparticle]

Penrose Song(s) of the Day, Day 38: Ohmygodiloveyoupleasedontleaveme by Clever Girl and Cream on Chrome by Ratatat

That’s right, today is a twofer bitches. Enjoy the extra song. I hope that, if you guys don’t live for the writing and the navel gazing and the thinky thoughts, you at least like the music. I have good taste! It’s like one of the only good things about me I think. Refined after several time loops into something that’s broad and far reaching, yet still specific.

I don’t remember when I first found Clever Girl. Apparently sometime after 2018, since that’s when the EP No Drum and Bass in the Jazz Room came out. It feels like I’ve known them for much longer. Like Jagged Gorgeous Winter was on guitar hero. It’s oooooooold magic, from like 2009 (which btw, something from 2009 rating as old makes me feel old as a hill but take a look at a video game from 2008. We were truly living in caveman times). This song and A Jagged Gorgeous Winter are kissing cousins though- give them both a listening to when you have a second, and you’ll hear what I mean. No lyrics in Ohmygodiloveyoupleasedontleaveme though. It’s a little more… I don’t know. Pure? Direct? Distilled? There’s something in the song that makes it seem like it more fulfilled its desires without the words.

Like, when I discovered Clever Girl it had the energy of me finding a long hidden gem. But I’ve had this song forever, I downloaded it-which means it predates my Spotify use. So I must have discovered Clever Girl like. Right when they came out? Baffling. It’s genuinely astounding. I have such a fondness for them, they are enshrined in my head as something truly great but hidden, secret. There’s something so earnest about this song. I mean. Look at the Band aesthetic, name, EP name, song name, etc. There are some drums in the jazz room, by the by.

Clever Girl has style. It is for better or worse, the kind of music that you have to look for to find. You want vaguely jazzy, instrumental, indiepop song name, math rock bullshit? Well boy oh boy I’ve got your fix! Garage music from the Great Lakes.

The album art always gets me. Sun Tarot Card, but the kid’s a little girl in overalls with pigtails holding a rubiks cube riding a dinosaur!!! Reminds me of someone that I know, mixed a little bit with me. I’m a sucker for good branding, and if your album art is good, it goes a long way with me.

Clever Girl is going to be lost to time- the band is broken up now, and they released no music after this EP. Which is a shame- this EP is one of my no skip albums (it’s 4 songs long, let’s not get carried away, but still- that’s good work on an EP). The drummer is a DJ now, according to some amateur sleuthing I’ve done. I already got misty about lost media, so I just want to say- I will carry Clever Girl forward. Someone has to.

Ratatat, on the other hand, is much more prolific.

See one of the reasons I wanted to write this one is because people are so damn inconsistent when it comes to describing music. To so, so many people, berlioz from yesterday and Clever Girl and Ratatat are all the same genre of music- Instrumental. I touched on lyrics in music a few times when I was writing these, and I stand by the things I said- sometimes a song touches you in spite of the lyrics, or because it has none, or because the lyrics aren’t comprehensible to you, just a voice ardently singing. I don’t want to touch on that any more, really. But wow. Imagine Garage Band, Jazzy Math Rock being pitted against Smooth Jazz House pitted against the mainstream, no frills Electronic Rock that is Ratatat. You miss the elements that build them. Clever Girl is Jazzy like berlioz, but has some shoegaze-y, Postal Service-y, electronic-y bits to it, but it has some good, classic rock guitar riffs in it. Good prog rock structure. Meanwhile Ratatat reads much more electronic, has almost no smooth or jazzy components, and leans full throttle into that rock space that makes it more frenetic. It’s a rich textural journey along the instrumental tapestry.

What I’m saying is if someone told me they wanted more music like Clever Girl, I wouldn’t recommend Ratatat. I would recommend Cuzco instead (We Miss You Clever Girl, specifically. How’s that for recommendations. I think when Cuzco is leaning on the Sax it’s a bit worse, but Clever Girl adjacent it is, and the Math Rock is Mathing). Or Sawce? Probably a bit too uptempo but their song School might work.

Having listened to them closer together though, and with berlioz as the catalyst, I wouldn’t NOT recommend them now, though.

Ratatat always makes me think of my friend @lost-and-found-causes (That and Bat For Lashes). Maybe I’m nostalgic for a time when I got to see him regularly. Maybe I like the song because I like my friend. I think I just like the song, and I miss my friend. Both true but not influencing each other. Cream on Chrome however, is probably their best known single aside from Loud Pipes.

Cream on Chrome is one of those songs that I think is timeless. It’s got that feeling of being from any era (once we started electronic instrumentation anyways. Which is still like. 6 decades now? 7? Definitely we started getting synthesizers in the 60’s.). It is also embarrassingly milquetoast in a way I have a hard time describing. Like Katy Perry music or Arena Rock- I have seen many a youtube video with this song as the background (including Binging with Babish once. I’ll have to track down the video). This is not to say that it’s bad- I like both Katy Perry and Arena Rock. But it does have some of that Built Ford Tough advertising approved banal appeal going for it. It’s also got that groove to it. What that synth does is it makes it feel a little fresh, a little fun, a little with it. It gives it some life. The modulation lets them have a lot of fun with what is, ultimately, a simple riff song- there’s the melody, and how it changes. Real point A to point B song.

But it’s worlds apart from Clever Girl. Clever girl makes me feel soft and tender. Like I’ve got a secret. A little wistful. Powerful, but fragile. Like something momentous is being born. Ratatat is flowspace- it’s accomplishment and competency and going from one challenge to the next. It moves me forward, while Clever Girl makes me pause and take stock. They are not remotely the same to me.

I worry that so many of us make the classic mistake of lumping our Clever Girls with our Ratatats. I’m starting to realize its super easy. I’m not challenging myself with Baba Is You, I’m playing video games. I’m not destressing with Tetris, I’m playing video games. I’m not absorbing a rich story with Persona 5, I’m playing video games. Do you get what I mean? I’m reading Bird By Bird right now. It’s good but I can only read it in spurts. I have been really sitting with each section- and the sections are small, designed to be read in spurts. Like Anne Lamott knew that the people looking for writing advice, for life advice, would want to really sit with and digest what she wrote. My other most recent read One Puzzling Afternoon, however, gripped me. The mystery pulled me in and I read it in about 2 days, all told. Why do I think of it as “reading” when I use the books differently? Because they’re the same medium? Ridiculous.

I treat music with much more care, however haphazard I may be, than any other genre. Than the food I eat, for Christ’s sake. If I love my ears, can I love my eyes? My brain, my heart, my tongue, my voice. Can I remember that Clever Girl and Ratatat are both nourishing, but in different ways? Can I realize I’m engaged with Bird By Bird, but differently than One Puzzling Afternoon, and that they are both serving me?

I’m starting to, I hope. It’s tough, but I’m realizing how to take care of myself after so many years of just… not. And of course it starts with a song.

Listen. You could be dead right now. Go listen to something you love.

[rastronomicals]

11:35 PM EDT September 21, 2023:

Eno/Cale - "In The Backroom" From the album Wrong Way Up (October 5, 1990)

Last song scrobbled from iTunes at Last.fm

Back when it was new--and I was 25 years old--I eagerly purchased this compact disc. Oh, it was a time, man. The CD was packaged in--get this (if you can: most people today I would assume don't know what it had been)--a longbox. A theft deterrent then, and a music geek collectible now. Funny the way things transform, sometimes.

So. It being that time, I didn't know as much about Brian Eno or John Cale then as I do now, but I still knew Here Come the Warm Jets and White Light/White Heat. And because those records had been great, I expected Wrong Way Up to be pretty awesome.

Did I know then that the 3-1/2-minute revolution called "Sky Saw" featured Cale? Or that there was a cult album named June 1, 1974 that featured them both?

Not sure. Wise now, was I wise then?

Anyway, the excitement before the purchase turned into disappointment afterwards. This album, it did not rock, it bore no traces of Warm Jets or White Heat, and it wasn't weird at all, and I sold it and I forgot about it as quickly as possible.

Lately though, nearly 30 years later, thinner of hair, and wiser of the music, man, I've been on an Eno jag, and I came across a review of the album on Pitchfork that suggested the album, synthpop though it was, achieved nothing less than brilliance in its rather conflicted creation.

Hell, I hadn't even known that the artists hadn't gotten along. . . . So I figured, what *had* I known, in my judgement 30 years ago? I'd been only 25, and had probably been a little bit um, over-influenced, by hardcore punk. My tastes are more sophisticated now! I could like an album that maybe wasn't so manic. Really I could. And shit, everything I've been doing for the last month was all about what a fucking genius Eno was. . . Maybe I'd been hasty in my dismissal of WWU back then, simply because it didn't sound like "Third Uncle," or "I Heard Her Call My Name." 'Cause hell, on reflection, thinking about it in 2019, in the midst of a Brian Peter George St John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno freakout, neither does "Luftschloss."

Goddamn, then, let's try it again, I thought. So last week, I bought a CD copy off Discogs. Received it yesterday, listened to it on the way into work this morning, and ... it's unabashedly awful.

It's lame, predictable, and without a trace of the genius which otherwise marks both men's work. You're tempted to say a few things, although you should probably resist the urges. You're tempted to say that it was a case of men outside the times attempting foolishly to sound like them, but that's wrong. 1990 had no great rush of synthpop albums.

1990 was about Jane's Addiction; Jane's Addiction, and Happy Mondays and Sonic Youth's major label debut. Nobody was making synthpop. That these two major artists felt like going there, I don't know, it's odd, it's strange, it's fucked up.

You're also tempted to say, maybe, if you're not that familiar with the facts, that this was the work of giants who had exhausted their creative energies prior to its making, young lions become old farts. But, of course, that's ridiculous. Five years after this mistake of a record, Eno would record Nerve Net, which showed him as able as his youngself to stretch things out. And if you want pop, shit, Eno made Another Day on Earth in 2005, as he was approaching 60, and that is a brilliant, quirky, intelligent pop record, even if it's not as much like M83 as I might prefer.

Wrong Way Up is a detour into mediocrity. Definite, and puzzling, that is.

It all goes to show many things, perhaps most importantly--and I swear I'm not looking to trash Pitchfork specifically here--that if an artist known for making good things makes something crappy, there will always--always--be somebody around to tell people that, fuck the facts, it is in fact pretty good.

There's also the reminder given that I had the suss of the thing down back in 1990. I like to think of myself as smarter now, wiser if you have to go there, and I was prepared to second-guess myself, and take a lesson from it too, but at least in this case, me and the version of myself that existed three decades ago are smack dab in agreement. There's a stolidity about that I find appealing, but maybe, just maybe, there's also a disappointing inability to evolve.

Funny the way things don't transform, sometimes.

https://lahistoriadelamusicarock.blogspot.com/2019/04/enocale-wrong-way-up-opal-records-back.html

File under: Fool Me Twice

[dinnerwithrefi]

11.1 - First Guest In A While

Dinner: bowl of protein-enriched strawberry yogurt w/banana slices and pepitas

It's weird having dinner with somebody across the table with me again for a change. Yet, against all odds, there we were, working our way through what I can only describe as a paltry attempt at breakfast at midnight, like when I went out to Denny's with the entire cast after my old high school productions. Only, well, the quality of the food was somehow worse than Denny's, given that the yogurt expired in two days and the bananas had to be cut with a surgeon's precision to make suitably edible. I would've gotten groceries, but I didn't exactly expect you to show up this morning and this was one of the only things I could scrounge from the food bank yesterday.

It was weird, you know, running into somebody to take up the extra room in my apartment while I'm hunting for legal employment. Even weirder when you consider how similar we ended up being upon first meeting at that hybrid coffee shop and brewery downtown. A bit of a music geek with an interest in the unknown and a penchant for not taking his meds? And you're not judging me for adding a little flask splash to my red eye? If only you were more into theology than the occult, I swear we'd be kin. Then again, it would be a bit hard to mistake you for me. You're way darker than me, after all, and I don't quite have the confidence to pull off short sleeves like that yet, nor the lack of taste to maintain any hair length beyond my fingertips. Thankfully, though, we got on well enough, and with you needing a place to stay while gearing up for the spring semester, it was a blessed comfort to know someone would be able to cover half the rent with a seasonal job while I maintained mine with writing odd jobs.

Still, I hadn't exactly expected you to show up with all your shit yesterday morning. You said you could move in pretty quickly, but I expected at least a few buffer days. Guess I should've expected someone like you coming with just the living essentials in your situation, but foresight's never really been my forte, even after twenty-eight years on this planet. Even with having to climb three flights of stairs, I was happy to have knocked it all out in an hour. What I couldn't be happy with, though, was the absolutely barren state of my kitchen. I'm still embarrassed at having to serve you that, but dinner went well enough.

Conversation went smoothly enough between us, I'd say. It was weird seeing somebody still wrestling with the new Halsey project a week after it came out, but I suppose I can understand it. It was an incredibly difficult listen, after all, listening to a person essentially pen an album that very well could be their last project before death and have it be received the way it has. Pouring out your pain from the experiences of death, internal and external, the tumults of an abusive relationship, the struggle of focusing on becoming the best version of yourself that you can in such an uncertain amount of time in the hopes of leaving a good footprint in the infinite sands of time, however shallow it might be - Pitchfork and Fantano can blow it out their asses by coming at this project with the angle that it's from a place of self-centeredness or personal indulgence.

That doesn't automatically make it a good album, though. A lot of the recordings are a bit scuffed around the edges, which can lend itself to some charm, but a swan song doesn't necessarily have to sound like it's lying in an angled bed, hard of breath with glassy eyes lolled to sterile walls around them. That might just be myself talking there, though, given that the promotion for this album was so promising and, despite seeming pointless to others, caught my eye with what influences might be given homage with this record. Bowie, Britney, Bjork - a lot of wildly different hats for this "Great Impersonator" to wear, but that level of moxie felt justified after Halsey's previous albums covering so many different genres, from Tumblr pop to disco to piano ballads to industrial adjacent sounds, all covered within a decade's worth of fame and what it's sowed and reaped in the same amount of time the two of us have been alive. It's absolutely crazy to think about. Still, perhaps my hopes were just too high for what we got, even if it wasn't anything lower than, like, a five out of ten to me.

Yet that's not what you were hung up on. "Honestly," you said to me between spoonfuls, unknowingly spitting a small piece of strawberry onto the placemat, "I just hate how much of myself I hear in it." I wanted to say something more, but I felt like you wouldn't elaborate further if I had asked you to. You'd probably say that I wouldn't possibly get it.

Maybe I wouldn't. After all, I totally wasn't struggling with it either at this point, especially after revisiting it since our conversation yesterday. I couldn't possibly interpret the title as Halsey not talking solely about themself. I certainly didn't look into the story behind the album and how they were diagnosed with lupus, one of the greatest imitators in modern medicine. I can only see this "Great Impersonator" as purely human, purely entertainment, a mask changer whose chameleonic wiles are so honed at this point in their life that, perhaps, they don't know who they are right now, but they want to make one last good damn effort at being the best version of themself before they end up in an early grave. I don't see the disease it might actually be, hidden just out of view, a rabid animal prowling in the grass waiting to infect those who dare to get close enough, whether good or ill intent, making me feel so on edge because even the hand that heals could be the hand that harms again, and that's not the kind of person I want to be, but it's just how I've ended up from all the wolves biting me. I couldn't possibly get it. I've only known you for one day, Refi, and that's certainly not enough time for me to make assumptions like that.

Somehow I hope that I conveyed all that with the disinterested sounding hum of agreement I gave before we turned to what to get while grocery shopping together tomorrow.

I hope we can have dinner like this again tomorrow.

[diamondmind777]

Letter For Jerry

Dear Jerry,

It's always nice to hear from you, I love receiving your letters they're so neat and well put together :) You most definitely have classy taste with your stationary, I admire it.

2024 Has been a bit chaotic but it has finally mellowed out. I don't remember if I told you, but I quit my job of 7 years last October. They were wanting too much of my time (6day work week) and being the millennial that I am, I've been seeking a life-work balance, so I quit. I loved that job, and it paid well but I value my home life too much. I may not have children, but I have hobbies and fur babies I want to dedicate my time to. Two days was not enough to begin with and then they were trying to strip me down to one, I respectfully said, "fuck that" and left. The decision was impulsive, threw my life into chaos, but now I have another job, still working as a lab technician fulltime but only 3 days a week now. The work is much slower paced and like zero stress, I work alone in a laboratory for 12 hours and it's been quite nice. I have no complaints :) Not gonna lie, switching up from a fast-paced work environment to what I have now did come with its challenges, my mind/body was so conditioned to multi-task and work quickly that this current job felt mundane and boring at first. But I bring some of my hobbies to work and it makes time fly when the work volume isn't stimulating enough. I cannot see myself going back to an 8-5 job.

Did you get to see the space needle in Seattle?

I have the desire to visit every state just to go to state or national parks. I really enjoy hiking and now that the weather is cooling down in Texas, I am ready to immerse myself in nature again. Amidst the chaos that ensued in spring, I missed out on the gardening I planned to do. This fall I decided to try my hand at composting. Playing with dirt, leaves and bits of produce brings out the inner child within me, the child that used to make mud pies and potions in the backyard. What's your favorite childhood memory?

My husband and I have planned a trip to West Virginia in October to explore nature, there should be lots of maple trees to see. I am so excited to experience the colors of fall like in the movies. Here in east Texas most everything loses its color (very millennial grey) or is evergreen (very twilight). I want to see oranges, reds, and yellows!

Vanessa Carlton's concert still feel like it was just yesterday. I went and saw Melanie Martinez a second time in May and a few days ago I saw Twenty-One Pilots. It was SUCH A GOOD concert! The pyrotechnics were cool, and their performance was phenomenal! ahh, I'm fangirling just thinking about it! My next concert is in October, I'm gonna see Charli xcx and Troy Sivan. The vibe is gonna be SO ravey and I am SO ready! I love music so much <3 So don't hate me but I haven't given Taylor's Swifts new album my undivided attention yet (I've been hyper focused on other artists). BUT what I have heard is as brilliant as expected, that woman is poetic af and I love her for that. I love seeing the religious fans decode and decipher all the lore she has created for the fanbase, the tea is always good. folklore and evermore are my current favorites, what about yours?

Now that I have opened the door for celebrity gossip, what is your take on the Sabrina Carpenter and Camila Cabello's love triangle album drops? I don't really listen to either of their music but it's all over the internet algorithm and I can't escape it. I think miss Sabrina most certainly has a type because Joshua Bassett and Shawn Mendes look similar to me.

Are there any more trips or concerts in your agenda before the year ends? I heard someone say that there are only 15 more weekends until Christmas arrives. By the time you get this letter it'll be less than that! When you put it in that perspective it makes me feel like I should probably start Christmas Shopping NOW.

Well, I shall end this letter here. If I don't hear from you until next year,

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, HAPPY THANKSGIVING, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! may the rest of 2024 be filled with adventure and self-love ❤❤❤

your friend,

elle

ps. Thank you for the wax seals :)

[thoughts-onmars]

december gurl

Hello mars,

I had my computer on a pillow for better stability for my eyes but it was kind of uncomfortable. I have been listening to Doja all morning today and even yesterday lol i LOVE Planet Her it is a catchy and boppy album. I hope that my gurl Ari releases some music soon. I have been listening to my MJ playlists again and some of my older 90s early 2000s music bc I like the sound of the instruments in the songs in them. I really like New Jeans too though for current kpop music. I am ready for 2024 to have some new tunes.

Today has been pretty productive in my eyes. I was pretty productive yesterday too. As soon as I got up I got the beans boiled and the chicken was also set. My food yesterday was so good. I love that I am getting better and faster at cooking lol. It really helps grow my confidence. I made red enchiladas with chicken and cheese and the beans and I even made some rice which tasted better than the first batch I made. Just a cooking mama lmao. I also went on a run and went to king soopers for some mailing bags to send beanies for my fam and whatever else i could fit with two hands lol. I got that done today and also returned the pants that were way too long and too small tbh lol. I am glad it was hassle free and plus I had to go mail the other ish so it worked out.

I was able to return the hair dye also hassle free and I got a blue and purple one to dye today. OP I just remembered that today I have to give JP his massage/cupping sesh bc I did not have energy to do it yesterday. I wrote it out so now I really have to do it jeje. Anyway today for food I am thinking of making some stir fried udon noodles with broccoli and carrots and cabbage. Maybe even make it spicy but not everything has to be spicy mars. I still have leftover chicken from yesterday so I was thinking of adding it to the noodles or frying it with some breading but now that I am writing my idea, I do not have any breading....wack. So anyway it will just be chicken pieces in the noodles and then the sushi that I bought yesterday at the king soopers.

December has been pretty good to be honest. I haven't been feeling as home sick and I think it is because I am messaging and talking to my mom more and it helps me feel like they are still just right here close by. We are 12 days in but for some reason I just feel like I have been doing more mentally and physically. We are getting closer to the end of the year and I am still also thinking about the internship in Washington. Should I wait it out?? I really want to travel and go to Asia for my dirty 30. I am turning 30 sheesh that is so crazy and people out here saying I am 23 lmao I lub it.

The prices are pretty average and we have our play money fund so we would only have to worry about flights and airbnb. JP did say the airbnbs were pretty cheap so that makes me excited that we can explore more and maybe even hit two countries. I will start looking at flights more seriously probably after I get home in Feb after going home. I think imma go to IN in Feb/March. I am not sure. My fam seems to always be busy bodies so it can be kind of hard to figure out when to go but I am sure if I just communicate instead of free balling it, it would work out lol.

Okay mars have a great day even though it already it. Do your best in all you do this week and just show up. Stay consistent and what is yours is already yours, it cannot be taken.

deuces ~~~~~

[wozman23]

Our Tastes In Music Related to Time, Part II: Goo Goo Dolls

Today's albums were 1998's Dizzy Up the Girl and 1995's A Boy Named Goo by Goo Goo Dolls.

I mentioned how much I love "Iris," so they were my prime band to start with. Today, it perhaps ranks amongst one of my favorite songs of all time, particularly for the chorus, the overall cathartic feel of the tune, and the way it flows between time signatures. It's a song that I enjoyed in its time, but didn't really fully appreciate until many years later. When one of my favorite (and underappreciated) vocalists of all time, Jeff Gutt, reappeared on X Factor around a decade ago, he finally found some success. On one of his final shows, he got to sing "Iris" with John Rzeznik, and that's when it really hit me. It's one of only a few songs that will make me tear up nearly every time I hear it. I could write a whole post about its beauty, and the psychology about why I identify with it and how I interpret it. (There are various interpretations, the most common mirroring the plot of the movie it was written for, about an angel who gives up his immortality to be with the love of his life, and in doing so, becomes vulnerable to both the joyous and undesirable qualities of being human, like love and joy versus pain and loss. But I also think the great thing about music is how fluid the definition of a song can be based on people's own experiences. I don't seek out romantic relationships very often. And even if I'm interested in someone, I may not even approach them unless I feel compelled to by a detail about them that I find out. But when I do find someone I like, I'm all in. I know I'm an enigmatic, stoic, weirdo, so I just “want that person to know who I am.” I'm really honest, and never shy away from being vulnerable, and try to paint the perfect picture of who I am – a person who I'm very proud of these days. Sadly, and painfully, things haven't worked out, but I'm always peering through my spyglass, observing my world to find my next “Iris.” But enough about why “Iris” is so damn good.) With Dizzy Up the Girl, I knew the big hits well: “Iris,” “Slide,” and “Broadway,” but found some other great songs as well. There are a few slow spots, but overall it's pretty good. I feel like Rzeznik's voice has dimensions I never knew about, and they're a little more punk influenced then I originally thought. Then I went right into A Boy Named Goo. There I really was only familiar with the big hit, “Name.” But the rest of the album feels even more upbeat and punk-ish. There's even an F bomb at one point. Punk, and grunge, aren't necessarily genres I liked as much, so I'm not sure how I feel about the more punk-ish stuff. But there's still a lot of great, anthemic pop rock there as well, like “Long Way Down,” Flat Top”, “Ain't That Unusual,” and “Eyes Wide Open.” Ultimately, I'm not sure how much I'd crave listening to the deeper cuts of Goo Goo Dolls, and I didn't find a gem like yesterday's 3 Doors Down track that dumbfounded me, but the hits definitely stand up well today. Also for reading this far, I'd like to remind you of one of my favorite stupid jokes. It came from Andy Richter as part of one of Conan's In The Year 2000 bits. I don't remember it verbatim, only the basic punchline, but let's say it went something like this: Baby's everywhere will fill stadiums when Lady Gaga and the Goo Goo Dolls decide to unite, forming the supergroup Gaga Goo Goo.

[almostcorporeal]

On Radiohead

I listened to the entire Radiohead discography yesterday because I figured it was about time I gave them a proper second chance and I want to flesh out my Rate Your Music.

Here are my thoughts on each album (:

Pablo Honey - Rating: 1.5/5 The fact that I even have to discuss this album pisses me off. I Do Not Like Pablo Honey is the most succinct way I can put how I feel about this album. It wants to be Nevermind era Nirvana so bad in the first half and then it just loses the plot in the second half. The only song I like on this album, it's opening track "You", I only like because it sounds like a typical wannabe Nirvana grunge song. "Creep" is terrible and the whole band is right to hate it. "Anyone Can Play Guitar" except Radiohead, I guess. Favorite tracks: You

The Bends - Rating: 2.5/5 I can see how this is a clear improvement from the atrocities committed on their debut album, but I still think it falls short of being. meaningful, I guess? However, it does have one of my favorite Radiohead tracks on it ("My Iron Lung". Why is that guitar so fuckin DIRTY I love it) so I will give it that. I feel it closes out strong with "Street Spirit (Fade Out)", but otherwise for the most part the album is largely just more forgettable grunge. Favorite tracks: Fake Plastic Tress, My Iron Lung, Street Spirit (Fade Out)

OK Computer - Rating: 4/5 I can see why this is largely regarded as one of, if not the (according to Rate Your Music lmfao), best albums of all time. However, it feels a bit too mechanical for my taste. The experimentalism that I'm looking for when it comes to Radiohead and their preceding reputation is there, but it feels unnatural and manufactured to me. Which I suppose fits with the album's name. Still fantastic, just not the vibe I'm particularly looking for. Favorite tracks: Karma Police, Lucky

Kid A - Rating: 4.5/5 God, I could gush about this album for a while. This is the album that makes me make a goofy "I Finally Get Radiohead" YouTube video. I've never been the biggest Radiohead fan, but this album really took my breath away. It's lonely, it's cold, it's desolate and bittersweet, full of ghosts. Favorite tracks: Everything In Its Right Place, How To Disappear Completely, Treefingers, Idioteque

Amnesiac - Rating: 3.5/5 I was told that Amnesiac is basically a compilation of stuff Thom didn't think fit with Kid A, and while I agree with that decision to separate the albums, I disagree with the seemingly pervasive fan belief that Amnesiac is bad because of it. It's a bit disjointed I suppose, but considering the source material, I don't think it detracts from the overall mood or enjoyment of the album. Imo Amnesiac is nearly as good as Kid A, which tracks cuz they're cut from the same cloth. Favorite tracks: Packt Like Sardines In A Crushd Tin Box, Knives Out

Hail To The Thief - Rating: 4/5 This album is definitely leaning more into the electronic experimentation I really enjoyed on Kid A from Radiohead. It sounds very Autechre inspired, it makes me feel like Thom sat in on one too many Warp Records recording sessions and was like "Yeah I can do that too." and God DAMN can he. Supposedly the political messaging behind the lyrics leaves more to be desired but honestly Thom could say nearly anything over this instrumentation and I'd be fine with it. Favorite tracks: Myxomatosis, Scatterbrain, A Wolf at the Door

In Rainbows - Rating: 3.5/5 I had really high hopes for In Rainbows, especially seeing as many of the Radiohead fans around me really enjoy it. However, it ended up just leaving me wanting. It felt more like it was right on the edge of greatness like I did with OK Computer than as if it had achieved what it set out for like I felt with Kid A. Ultimately, I still really like the vibe of this overall album and it's tied with OK Computer as my second favorite Radiohead album. Favorite tracks: 15 Step, Nude, House of Cards

The King of Limbs - Rating: 3/5 I really didn't feel very strongly about this album. For the most part it felt forgettable and middle of the road to me except for Bloom. I loved how the percussion in Bloom sounds like it's falling down the stairs on an alien planet with the synth in the background. I wish I had more to say about this album but I think I'll give it more time and return to it at a later date and reassess. Favorite tracks: Bloom, Feral

A Moon Shaped Pool - Rating: 3/5 I'll just come right out and say it - something about this album scratches my brain really nice. It feels haunting but hopeful at the same time. Also very lonely. I think it's representative of Radiohead's overall sound. It feels much slower than I'm used to from their previous albums but I appreciate Thom showing us all that he can slow down and still put out good music. I'm interested in seeing how their sound evolves from here and I hope this isn't the last we hear from Radiohead. Favorite tracks: Burn The Witch, Daydreaming, Ful Stop

All in all I had a great time listening to this discography and I'm glad I did so I can form my own opinion on "one of the greatest bands of all time". I learned I like Radiohead a lot more than I previously believed in the course of all of this.

Lastly, I leave you with 2 things:

Listen to Autechre, it's what Thom Yorke would want

Radiohead should make a funk album

[theydoctor]

📚 🩹 ➡️

📚 A song or album you could write a term paper on?

Ooh, okay, so if I had to choose I'd probably write about Sabaton's The Great War album and maybe something like how accurately they portray the events they sing about or how important media and especially music is when it comes to coping with war and how influential media about wwi was and still is. idk. just. wwi. <3

🩹 A song you want to hear when you're feeling low?

Hmm, there are multiple songs I like to listen to when I'm low, it really depends what I'm looking for in that moment. If I'm trying to comfort myself than perhaps Cavetown, especially something like Talk To Me or This Is Home, but I also adore listening to A Taste Of Yesterday (by Amélie), because hearing your voice is always very comforting! ^^ If I'm angry though then I'll probably listen to something more rock, maybe Pieces by Sum 41 or one of the many good choices of mcr songs. Oh, and of course Silent Cry by Stray Kids <33

➡️ A song that makes you want to move around?

Hmm, since I'm currently in my kpop phase again... There's always LOCO by Itzy, that one's a banger! Also Guerilla by ATEEZ! I love the whole album tbh. Stray Kids has only banger songs, but currently I especially like CHEESE, so let's go with that one for skz.

Thank you for your ask, it was very fun to talk about music! :D

[quokkacore]

everywhere at the end of time | z.cl

summary: in his old age, chenle can’t remember any of it anymore. but you do. you do, and it burns.

pairing: zhong chenle x fem!reader

genre: ANGST, fluff, slice of life, parents au

warnings: dementia, themes of grief, depression, language, suggestive content, period typical sexism, mentions of domestic abuse (not from chenle!), traditional gender roles, body image, kind of implied postpartum depression

word count: 3.8k

a/n: this was inspired by the caretaker’s everywhere at the end of time, a compilation of albums meant to simulate memory loss from dementia when listened to in one sitting. i listened to half of it yesterday, and it was so haunting i needed to write about it. if you decide to listen to it, please be careful. several analyses i’ve seen about it talk about how it can be very emotionally distressing. i personally didn’t feel too upset by it, but be aware.

There was a boy who smiled at you once, from across a dance hall. Long, long ago. His grin, boyish and playful, made your face heat up and your body turn to giggle to your friends. And then, suddenly, he was walking over to you, and reaching out his hand to you. He didn’t seem nervous at all. He looked like he had not a care in the world, as if life were a calm ocean with soft winds and he were a sailboat.  

“My name’s Chenle,” He’d said, speaking loudly over the music, “Wanna dance?”

Swing was the thing back then. You barely had time to tell him your name before he pulled you onto the dancefloor and spun you around like there was no tomorrow. You were quite literally swept off of your feet, flying across the hardwood floor as the two of you laughed and danced. When the song was over, you were out of breath. You weren’t quite sure if it was because of how hard you’d danced or because he managed to steal your breath and your heart within a matter of minutes. 

Up until then, you were damn sure that love at first sight was impossible. But you were suddenly very sure that love at first dance existed. You’d tell that story for years to come. How you danced a few more songs, how he took you to the side and you spent the next hour or so talking. How your girls tried to tug you away, saying that it was getting late, but you simply didn’t want to leave. You were hooked on him, and he was hooked on you. He begged to see you again, and you very quickly found a napkin and a pen to scratch down your home phone number on. 

You said you’d wait for his call, and had left with a lovestruck look on your face. The entire way home, the girls didn’t let you hear the end of it. That he seemed sweet, he was quite the dancer, and my, was he handsome. You probably looked like a fool, mind turning to mush at how gentle his hands were on his waist, how contagious his laugh was, how tentatively he’d listened to you speak.

Once. Long, long ago. It’s all just a burning memory, now.  

There was a boy who kissed you, once. It’d been a few months after you’d met. He’d been careful, and you’d bided your time. When he called for the first time, he was very respectful when your father had picked up. The two of you spoke for however long your parents allowed it, talking about anything, everything. 

Childhood stories of how he got the scars on his knees. Times you’d gotten into trouble at school. How you were both turning 18, and how adult responsibilities were starting to set in. How Chenle was set to inherit his father’s business and he was terrified of failure. How you desperately wanted to study but your parents wouldn’t let you, because men don’t like it when girls are smarter, and how would you have time to find a husband if you had your nose stuck in books all day long?

Desperately, you both needed a break. Your parents let him take you out because he was a Zhong, and the Zhongs had money, and because he seemed quite taken by you. That was exactly what they wanted. 

Chenle was a gentleman first and foremost when he stepped into your home. He spoke with your father about politics while he waited for you to finish getting ready, complimented your mother, and opened the front door for you as you were leaving, promising to have you back by ten o’clock. 

One date turned to two, two to three. On the fifth date, when he took you on a walk in the park, he took you to the gazebo to sit on a bench in it. The birds were chirping, and you felt content, despite the dull ache in your feet because of your heels. 

Chenle looked down, before meeting your gaze. “I wanted to ask you something,” He murmured. You tilted your head to the side, uncrossing your legs.

“What is it?”

He took your hand in his, leaning closer. “I really like you,” He admitted, “And I wanna be with you. You’re sweet, and fun, and you’re so beautiful. I think about you all damn day, and I think I’d die without you here.”

He smiled fondly, those dimples making an appearance once again. “Be my girl, maybe?” 

Your heart did a backflip, and your yes had tumbled from your lips before you could even really think about it.

And then finally, on your seventh date, when he’d taken you to a bookstore and bought you a book about the Amazon rainforest, he kissed you in his car. He tasted like mint and his lips were hard against yours, but not forceful. Like he’d been waiting eons to kiss you and now he simply couldn’t hold himself back anymore. His hands held your face the entire time.

When you pulled away, you no longer saw a boy in front of you. You saw a young man in his place, watching you with reverence and desire.

“I’ve been waiting to do that ever since I first laid eyes on you,” Chenle whispered. 

“Well then, don’t just sit there,” You answered, nuzzling your face into his hands, “Kiss me again.”

Kiss you he did. The memory feels like a dream, a sweet one at that. A bit fuzzy but you can recall the softness of his hands if you think about it hard enough. 

It’s a memory. Sixty something years later, at least you still have it.

There was a man who teared up at the sight of you in white, once. 

He asked you to marry him a year and a half later. Your parents loved him, because he was kind and respectful and rich. His parents tolerated you, because you didn’t talk back too much and your family was respectable enough. Of course you accepted. Who cared about what your parents thought? You adored this man, with his high pitched laugh and his cheeky words. He worshipped the ground you walked on, with your caring attitude and your loving smile.

You were shaking the whole time, trembling like a wet chihuahua on a winter day as your father walked you down the aisle. You watched as his best man, Jisung, whispered something to him, and he nodded, blinking furiously. He looked awestruck, mouth agape and eyes glossy. 

When your father left you at the front of the altar with Chenle, your lover squeezed your hand. “I love you so much,” He whispered to you, just before the ceremony could officially begin.

For the first time ever, you saw Zhong Chenle get nervous. His voice was shaking slightly, and you could make out a single drop of sweat on his forehead. You squeezed his hand reassuringly, unable to say anything back as the officiant began the ceremony. He knew what you meant.

Your vows were the traditional cookie cutter vows, the good old fashioned “I do”s. You didn’t care. You knew you’d whisper your own vows to him later tonight. You knew he would do the same. 

After that, you danced the night away. Drunk on champagne and love for each other, you could barely remember the party. Jisung gave a lovely speech. You knew that the band played the song you’d first danced to on that one fateful night. Your girls danced with his boys, and he pressed kisses to your cheeks and the top of your head.

You remembered what came after better, after everyone went home. Chenle stole you away to the honeymoon suite to peel your dress off, take off your veil and press kisses onto your hips, and whisper promises of everlasting love against your neck.

That’s all gone now. Even though it’s gone, you’re glad. Because years later, you remember. You look at the faded photographs in the scrapbooks and remember the moment they were taken. They’re all you have now. Because even though Chenle is still in your home, he isn’t Chenle. 

There was a man who had taken care of you, once. You’d had your doubts about love, about married life. All of them stemmed from your parents’ marriage. Late night arguments, slamming doors, hands laid on your mother that left her reaching for foundation to hide the bruises during the day. Chenle was there to cast most of them to the side.

Most of them, because no matter how much you love each other, marriage is never a walk in the park. You tried to study. Chenle was paying for your education, much to his parents’ disapproval. Three years into your marriage, and two years into your studies, you got pregnant. Chenle was ecstatic. You, not so much.

It was hard for you. Your body changed, it became hard for you to concentrate. You ended up dropping out because it was simply too much for your mind to handle.

A few months later and you were recovering, trying to adjust to not getting any sleep and having to take care of a tiny human and the house all day while Chenle was off at work. And he doesn’t just want one, he wants two more.

“God, Lele, at least wait until Jiali can sleep on her own,” You huffed, trying not to be too loud. You had finally managed to get your daughter to sleep after a particularly fussy day, and if she woke up now, you were pretty sure you’d start crying too. 

“But why not?” He asked, sitting down. “Don’t you want to give Jiali brothers and sisters to grow up with?”

“I do,” You answered, trying to ignore the throbbing in your head. “But I’m too tired to handle another pregnancy right now. It’s way too much, Chenle.”

Chenle sighed, resting his face on his chin. “It can’t be that hard—”

“Are you joking?” You snapped, standing up, “I’m awake in the morning to make you breakfast and feed Jiali. Once you’re off, I have to make the bed, change her diapers, clean the floors and the bathroom. I have to make sure Jiali isn’t getting into trouble and figure out why she’s crying—and she cries so much, Chenle! I haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep since before she was born. I barely have time to take care of myself, much less another baby. I make breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and tend to the garden, and bathe her when she gets dirty, and—”

“Y/N, I think you should—”

“I can’t handle another baby!” You cried, “I can’t, I won’t!”

A high pitched wail rang from the nursery, and all the fight you had in you drained instantly. You hadn’t realized how loud you were being. 

“I’ll be right back,” You murmured, voice breaking. Before you could walk towards the nursery, a gentle hand on your wrist pulled you back. Chenle’s gaze had softened, cupping your cheek and wiping at a tear you hadn’t realized had fallen. 

“No, I’ll go,” He said quietly. “You go clean yourself up. Take a nap, I’ll make sure she gets back to sleep."

You didn't have it in you to argue.

About an hour later, he stepped into the bedroom, where you were curled up on the bed. You weren't asleep. He sat down on the other side of the bed, caressing your arm.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, bowing his head. "I wasn't thinking straight. I just got so excited at the thought of us finally having a family, I forgot to think about how you were doing. If you don't want anymore kids—" 

"Lele," You murmured, "Of course I want to keep building our family. But I need time. I'm always so tired now. Let's wait until Jiali is off to school and then try for another one. I'm begging you."

He leaned over you, and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. "Whatever works best for you," He answered.

You kept your promise. Once Jiali was off to preschool, you got pregnant a few months later. By the beginning of next year, you had a baby boy—Yanlin.

This time, Chenle was more mindful of your wellbeing. He came home from work earlier, helped out around the house, told you to go out with the girls every now and then. 

Over the years, you had one last child, a girl named Mei. The kids were more than a few handfuls, but the two of you managed. 

Things were by no means easy. There were nights when Chenle decided to sleep on the couch because of a disagreement that had grown into something bigger. Insecurities about your body that grew into jealousy of his secretary, who was younger, more beautiful. Issues with the in laws as the both of you had problems setting solid boundaries.

But at the end of the day, he was your everything. This life you'd built for yourself made it all worth fighting for. You saw it when he tossed Mei up into the air, catching her as she giggled, "Again, daddy, do it again!" 

Or when he talked to Jiali about the family business, how if she wanted, he'd teach her everything. When he helped Yanlin get back to sleep after he'd had a nightmare, singing him to sleep with that soft, gentle voice of his. When he looked at you from across the dinner table, years of domesticity and love growing into all of this.

Chenle was your home, the father of your children, a pillar you leaned on when things got difficult. You were the same to him. No argument could take that away. 

The kids grew up and went to college. Much to your father in law's dismay, Yanlin didn't care much about the family business, while Jiali did—he hated how Chenle encouraged them to do what they wanted instead of pushing the status quo. 

Times were changing. More and more women went to college, and you wanted for your daughters what you yourself weren't allowed to have: a good education, a professional career. 

Since time flies like birds migrating for the winter, soon all of the kids were grown up, and you and Chenle were left in an empty house. By then, the two of you had started to change, too. Gray hairs started sprouting from your heads. Your backs started to hurt with more frequency. Your faces were starting to sag. 

And still, you loved each other. You found new things to do with this new freedom. You read more books, spent more time in the garden. Chenle started singing around the house more, something he didn't even realize he was doing. 

When you turned fifty, Chenle took you on vacation to Malta, and Chenle decided to officially announce his retirement, handing the business to your oldest. From here on out, the two of you had time to simply do whatever you wished. Chenle had saved a lot of money over the years, allowing the two of you to live comfortably. 

Your kids married, and had kids of their own, and the two of you spoiled as much as you could. You'd bake cookies with your grandkids and spend the holidays telling them stories of your youth. Their favorite story was how you met their grandfather, and you fluffed the story up to make them laugh. 

"He was the handsomest man I'd ever seen," You told him, "Tall, sweet, funny, the best shincracker I'd ever danced with."

"What's a shincracker?" One of your grandkids asked. You blinked, before letting out a fake sob, raising your head up.

"I'm so old," You wailed, the kids giggling at your theatrics. When you looked down, you smiled. "In my day, that's what you called someone who danced very well."

The four of them ohhh-ed in unison, and someone in the kitchen doorway laughed. "So, I was the best shincracker you'd ever danced with, huh?"

"Honey, I've told you that a million times!" 

He walked over to you, patting the heads of your grandkids as he passed them. "Your grandma looked so surprised when I asked her to dance," He said to the children, "But she was the prettiest dame there that night, I couldn't not dance with her."

"What's a dame?"

Chenle stared at you, eyes wide. He lowered his head. "God, we're old!"

Now, most of your grandkids have grown up, and barely have time to visit. But you have the photographs hung up on the wall, of past birthdays, holiday parties, of your wedding. 

They work to help you remember. But now, Chenle can't even get out of bed to look at them.

There was an old man who'd broken down in front of you, once. He'd been having trouble remembering where things were, like his keys and his glasses. Initially, it didn't worry you, since you'd been having similar issues. You only started to worry when one night at dinner, you brought up the fact that Mei had called to ask the two of you to dinner next week. He'd looked confused, and stared at you like you were from outer space.

"Who's Mei?"

You scheduled a doctor's appointment the very next day. It took about two months for everything to reach the same conclusion: early dementia. Chenle had gotten very quiet as the doctor handed you some pamphlets on treatments and the different stages. The whole drive home, he said nothing. 

It was only once you got home that he sat down on the bed and crumbled to pieces. You walked over to him, and caressed his hair when he pressed his face into your stomach. 

"I don't want to forget," He sobbed, "I don't want to." 

He tried to fight it. Once the family knew, everyone started visiting more frequently. In the beginning, he could remember your grandchildren's names. Jobs and school were a bit difficult but there were eleven of them—it was hard for you, too. 

On the occasion he did forget someone, it frustrated him. He'd have to excuse himself from the table for a few minutes, and the energy in the dining room would change completely. Suddenly everyone was aware of the ticking clock, and your family was starting to crumble.

You wanted desperately to hold it together, to super glue it and force it back into place. But so many things were out of your control, on top of Chenle's diagnosis. Mei was going through a divorce. Your youngest grandson, Lijie, was having behavioral problems and Yanlin looked to you for advice. 

Chenle tried to hold on. You watched your husband pore endlessly over the family photos, trying to place names to the faces. He remembered his parents. He started to ask you where they were. You didn't know how to tell them they'd passed over thirty years ago. 

He wandered through the house like he was lost, and you knew he was trapped somewhere in his mind, everything disintegrating slowly around him. Sometimes he'd come up to you and give you a kiss.

"I've been looking everywhere for you," He murmured. 

Some days were better than others. He would sing old songs from your youth, and try to dance with you in the kitchen. You both still remembered the steps but were too stiff and slow to do them properly. 

Eventually, one of your grandkids came to live with you. Daiyu had studied to become a nurse, and now, Chenle needed around the clock care. It was simply too risky for him to be left alone. He'd try to go outside, saying that he was late for a meeting, or that Jeno—who had passed two years before his diagnosis—had invited him to his house to watch the game. 

He forgot how to hold a spoon, how to walk properly. After four years, he became bedridden, speaking in slow, short sentences. You'd read to him after lunch, from books you'd acquired over the years. He seemed to enjoy one book the most: a battered old copy of a book about the Amazon rainforest. 

You knew your Lele was in there somewhere. You could see it when Jiali and her husband came to visit, and he asked her about the secret handshake the two of them had even though he couldn't remember her name. When you reached for his hand, he would press a kiss to yours, unsure as to why he was doing it. And when you walked past the bedroom, sometimes you could hear him humming to himself—a lively, fast tempo song that a boy had once asked a girl to dance to, lifetimes ago. 

There was a man named Zhong Chenle, once. He was good at dancing and a lovely singer, he was a loving father and husband. He's gone now. In his place is someone who has his face, but isn't really him. He can't remember how to speak. When you read to him, his lips move, but no sounds come out. His eyes drift across the room, looking for things he doesn't know the name of. His hands are gnarled and his fingers twitch, itching to do something, anything, but unsure of how to do it.

The last time you spoke to your Chenle had been three years prior. 

"Do I know you?" He asked, voice small. You smiled at him, biting back tears. No matter how many times he asks you this question, it hurts every time. You'd learned to play along with it. Telling him the truth would only scare him, confuse him further.

"My name is Y/N," You told him, "I'm an old friend. We used to go out dancing together."

His eyes were void of anything until a second later, recognition pooled into them.

"Y/N," He sounded out slowly, "We should—we should go dance again someday."

"Someday," You agreed, nodding, "But now we have to wait until you're better."

"Until I'm better," He answered with a smile, dimples making your heart crack even further.

All he—and you—could do now was wait for the end. Truthfully, you've made peace with it. You'd be heartbroken to see him go but happy to see him finally rest. He started his decline seven years ago, and the past five have been spent like this. It's sad enough to see him in this way, to watch Daiyu try to feed him when he barely even remembers how to eat anymore. A shell of who he once was, a living ghost.

The family knew, old friends knew. That was all that mattered to you. That there had been a man named Zhong Chenle once, who wasn't scattered in the wind. 

Once. Long, long ago. It's all just a burning memory, now.

[ambivartence]

Yesterday by block b

Jogging by lucy

Epilogue by I.U

H.S.K.T by LeeHi (ft wonstein)

Summer Poem by onf

Oh! My mistake by april

Coffee Shop by B.A.P

IDK (I don't know) by exid

This is entirely too long of a list. Yes I'm the star by loona stan the one who thinks you're awesome anon when I read you needed new kpop recs I couldn't contain myself I hope you like these eeek please have a good day (and you're the awesomest, yes) (@skz-maybe-incorrects )

yesterday - downloading immediately omg this song is so fun??? its both an upbeat summer song but also still very block b!! i can't help but smile when listening! it makes me want to skip around and dance

jogging - already in my library LUCY!!!!! jogging is a masterpiece <3 i love their entire discography tbh

epilogue - ok i really like this ooooo even tho this is obv krnb it's also so jazzy :] i really love her jazzier stuff (okay well i love all her stuff this entire album was amazing from start to finish... especially fond of my sea <3 and ofc lilac and celebrity and coin and flu 🥰)

hskt - downloading immediately leehi and wonstein?! and it's so catchy too <3 u have good taste in krnb

summer poem - downloading immediately i have definitely listened to this song before but i haven't thought about it in a while so i'll add it back into my playlist <3 also while i'm here i just listened to their newest release 'your song' and i really like that one too <3

oh! my mistake - not my thing this is cute sounds rly nostalgic!! i think for me it's just not a style of gg music that i'm into right now^^

coffee shop - ok i really like this i'm not very familiar with bap but this is such a pleasant song to listen to it makes me feel like they have a great range since aren't most of their songs a lot louder and stronger

idk (i don't know) - ok i really like this oh yeah this slaps it's so catchy and i like the rapper's tone too

> send me a song rec <

[rastronomicals]

4:20 AM EST February 20, 2024:

Eno/Cale - "Footsteps" From the album Wrong Way Up (October 5, 1990)

Last song scrobbled from iTunes at Last.fm

Back when it was new--and I was 25 years old--I eagerly purchased this compact disc. Oh, it was a time, man. The CD was packaged in--get this (if you can: most people today I would assume don't know what it had been)--a longbox. A theft deterrent then, and a music geek collectible now. Funny the way things transform, sometimes.

So. It being that time, I didn't know as much about Brian Eno or John Cale then as I do now, but I still knew Here Come the Warm Jets and White Light/White Heat. And because those records had been great, I expected Wrong Way Up to be pretty awesome.

Did I know then that the 3-1/2-minute revolution called "Sky Saw" featured Cale? Or that there was a cult album named June 1, 1974 that featured them both?

Not sure. Wise now, was I wise then?

Anyway, the excitement before the purchase turned into disappointment afterwards. This album, it did not rock, it bore no traces of Warm Jets or White Heat, and it wasn't weird at all, and I sold it and I forgot about it as quickly as possible.

Lately though, nearly 30 years later, thinner of hair, and wiser of the music, man, I've been on an Eno jag, and I came across a review of the album on Pitchfork that suggested the album, synthpop though it was, achieved nothing less than brilliance in its rather conflicted creation.

Hell, I hadn't even known that the artists hadn't gotten along. . . . So I figured, what *had* I known, in my judgement 30 years ago? I'd been only 25, and had probably been a little bit um, over-influenced, by hardcore punk. My tastes are more sophisticated now! I could like an album that maybe wasn't so manic. Really I could. And shit, everything I've been doing for the last month was all about what a fucking genius Eno was. . . Maybe I'd been hasty in my dismissal of WWU back then, simply because it didn't sound like "Third Uncle," or "I Heard Her Call My Name." 'Cause hell, on reflection, thinking about it in 2019, in the midst of a Brian Peter George St John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno freakout, neither does "Luftschloss."

Goddamn, then, let's try it again, I thought. So last week, I bought a CD copy off Discogs. Received it yesterday, listened to it on the way into work this morning, and ... it's unabashedly awful.

It's lame, predictable, and without a trace of the genius which otherwise marks both men's work. You're tempted to say a few things, although you should probably resist the urges. You're tempted to say that it was a case of men outside the times attempting foolishly to sound like them, but that's wrong. 1990 had no great rush of synthpop albums.

1990 was about Jane's Addiction; Jane's Addiction, and Happy Mondays and Sonic Youth's major label debut. Nobody was making synthpop. That these two major artists felt like going there, I don't know, it's odd, it's strange, it's fucked up.

You're also tempted to say, maybe, if you're not that familiar with the facts, that this was the work of giants who had exhausted their creative energies prior to its making, young lions become old farts. But, of course, that's ridiculous. Five years after this mistake of a record, Eno would record Nerve Net, which showed him as able as his youngself to stretch things out. And if you want pop, shit, Eno made Another Day on Earth in 2005, as he was approaching 60, and that is a brilliant, quirky, intelligent pop record, even if it's not as much like M83 as I might prefer.

Wrong Way Up is a detour into mediocrity. Definite, and puzzling, that is.

It all goes to show many things, perhaps most importantly--and I swear I'm not looking to trash Pitchfork specifically here--that if an artist known for making good things makes something crappy, there will always--always--be somebody around to tell people that, fuck the facts, it is in fact pretty good.

There's also the reminder given that I had the suss of the thing down back in 1990. I like to think of myself as smarter now, wiser if you have to go there, and I was prepared to second-guess myself, and take a lesson from it too, but at least in this case, me and the version of myself that existed three decades ago are smack dab in agreement. There's a stolidity about that I find appealing, but maybe, just maybe, there's also a disappointing inability to evolve.

Funny the way things don't transform, sometimes.

https://lahistoriadelamusicarock.blogspot.com/2019/04/enocale-wrong-way-up-opal-records-back.html

File under: Fool Me Twice

[thisaintascenereviews]

Eagles - Their Greatest Hits (1971 - 1975) / Eagles Greatest Hits Volume 2 Every music fan remembers the first few bands or artists that got them into music, as well as the bands or artists that they latched onto after they got into music. I can remember getting into music like it was yesterday, even though it was actually around 17 years ago [insert an “I’m old” joke here]. The first album that I ever picked up was The All-American Rejects’ 2005 LP, Move Along, and I still have that copy today. It’s not an album I play anymore, as I feel like it hasn’t aged well, but I still listen to it here and there, and I have the album to remind myself of a simpler time. I kept it, because it was the first album I remember going to the store and getting myself. I heard a few of the songs on TV and I really wanted to hear the album. Fast forward a couple of years, and by that point, a few more albums came out that really influenced my early years of getting into music, such as Panic! At The Disco’s A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out, and My Chemical Romance’s The Black Parade, but 2007 is the year that changed everything for me. That was the year that Fall Out Boy released their third album, Infinity On High. This isn’t a review on that album, and this isn’t even going to be a review at all (I’ll get to why here in a minute, don’t worry), but that album blew me away when I first heard it. It still does today, too -- I absolutely love that album, and it’s in the running for all my time favorite. I have a couple of other albums that also want that top spot, and it changes depending on the day, but that’s the first album I ever fell in love with.

I tell that story, and I tell you that all information, because that same year, right around the spring / summertime, I remember getting heavily into classic rock (which is just rock music from the 1980s and before, “classic rock” didn’t actually become a thing until the early 80s when radio stations realized they could get some listeners by playing songs from the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s). My parents had a decent collection of greatest hits from certain bands, such as Creedence Clearwater Revival, Boston, Journey, Styx, Hall & Oates, and finally, The Eagles. Out of all of these bands, I only really connected with a few of them, even though I enjoy all of these bands to some degree, and one of those were the Eagles. I’ve always been a huge fan of them, even back in the mid-00s when I was first getting into music, as well as discovering music from before my time. I’ve grown to really love older music, and a lot of my taste is just that, so I find myself going back to the classics, even when I’m diving headfirst into newer music. I find myself listening to these bands and albums when the new releases are running dry, which seems to be happening a lot in the last few weeks, but I digress. The Eagles is just one of those bands that I latched onto, and every time I listen to certain songs from their discography, I’m taken back to that time, just like I listened to them for the first time. Their brand of folk, soft-rock, country-rock, and arena-rock is incredible, and it’s so influential to many bands that came after them in the 70s and 80s. Even now, you can hear a lot of bands that had to have been influenced by the Eagles, even if they have never named them as a distinct influence. The reason that I said that this wasn’t a review, or at least a proper one, is that I wanted to just talk about a band I really like, especially their two greatest hits albums that came out in mid-70s and early 80s. I’ve reviewed these albums in the past, but I did that maybe like seven years ago, and my reviews weren’t very good then, so I wanted to talk about them again, especially now that I’m older and appreciate these albums / bands a lot more. Basically, I just want to fanboy over The Eagles for a little bit. I’ve actually had this sitting in my drafts for the last week, because it’s like, how do you a band like this justice? I’ve been listening to these greatest hits albums almost nonstop for the last couple of weeks, and I’ve been watching and listening to a lot of stuff about them, just to gain more knowledge about them, but even that wouldn’t do it justice. Their story is just as interesting as their music, if not slightly more interesting at times, because of the ups and downs that they’ve had in terms of their members. The band formed out of being Linda Ronstadt’s backing band, releasing their first album in 1972, but ultimately breaking up by 1980. In that short amount of time, they went through a few lineup changes that also reflected in their sound (most notably guitarist Joe Walsh joining the band in 1976 right before the writing and recording of their magnum opus Hotel California), and they released a multitude of hit singles and albums, a lot of which are still in heavy rotation today. You most likely have heard some of their songs, such as “Hotel California,” “Life In The Fast Lane,” “Best Of My Love,” “Lyin’ Eyes,” “Take It Easy,” “Witchy Woman,” “:Peaceful Easy Feeling,” and many more. You’ve most likely heard some of these songs and didn’t realize it. They’re often considered to be one of the best bands of all time, not just from pure sales numbers, but because their sound was so unique, at least compared to other bands at the time. They took this country-rock sound that was starting to bubble up, and they ran with it, especially with a lot of their early work. Their use of five-part harmonies was also another thing that so many people loved about them. If you want a good example of how well they make it work, and how amazing they sound altogether, check out “Seven Bridges Road” from their second greatest hits album, Vol 2, where they recorded a live version from their 1980 live album before their breakup. They used to sing that song as a warmup before shows, but people really wanted to hear it live, so they started singing it. When it comes to sales numbers, though, they’re a big one. The first greatest hits album, entitled Their Greatest Hits (1971 - 1975), is really interesting, because the Eagles themselves had no idea it was even happening, and they also didn’t feel the need for a greatest hits album when they were only getting started (kind of funny they’d say that, but I digress). Luck just happened to be on their side, because their first greatest hits album was the selling album of the 20th century. It’s also the second highest album of all time, right behind Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Hotel California, their 1976 LP, is also one of the highest selling albums of all time, so they have two albums in the top ten. Personally, when it comes to the greatest hits albums, the first one is a lot stronger, but the second one also features some of their later hits, including the title track to the album of the same name and “Life In The Fast Lane.” They released one more album before their breakup, 1979′s The Long Run, and it’s a decent little record, but the songs from that album that are on the greatest hits album are the best ones, it’s just that their first volume is stronger overall. There’s just so much to say about The Eagles, and I haven’t even talked about a lot of the individual members, especially the main two, Glenn Frey and Don Henley, who are the two that most people remember, unless you also count Joe Walsh in there, since he had a pretty successful solo career after they broke up (they all did, in fact). I just wanted to keep this retrospective somewhat brief, although this is long enough as it is, so I’m going to wrap it up here, but these two albums are utterly fantastic. There are some bands that are “greatest hits” bands, and I’d argue that the Eagles is one of them. What I mean by that is that you just need the greatest hits, minus maybe a few deep cuts from their actual albums, but the hits are really their best songs. Most bands have a lot of deep cuts from their discography, but the Eagles have banger after banger on these albums, and if you listen to these two, that’s all you’ll need. The Eagles are one of the best, most influential, and most important bands of all time, and I just wanted to highlight them. I might do this from time to time, or if I’m listening to a classic album that I don’t have anything negative to say about (and why would I have anything negative to say about them; they’re classic rock royalty), I might just write something that shoots the shit about it. We can have a casual conversation about it, ultimately just talking about why this record and/or artist is really good. I have a few records in the pipeline that I’d like to talk about, including Bob Dylan’s greatest hits, Joni Mitchell’s Blue, and a few other records that I’ve been really listening to lately. I really wanted to talk about The Eagles, just because I absolutely love this band and I’ve loved them for the last 15 years, give or take. These songs still sound just as great now as I first heard them all of those years ago, and that’s the best kind of music for me.

[neonkoii]

send me an album? and i’ll tell you

my favorite lyric

my favorite song

the song that makes me cry

the song that’s a fucking bop

the song i most dislike/least love

If you're still doing this, and willing to do this one, do you have any of these opinions on Olivia Rodrigo's Sour?

hiiiii yes!! i was actually hoping someone would request sour because i just relistened to it yesterday :0 granted. i do not listen to olivia rodrigo on a regular basis. but everyonce in a while yk.. its good!

my favorite lyric: 'red lights, stop signs/i still see your face in the white cars, front yards' - drivers license: i just like the imagery LOL

my favorite song: good 4 u is probably the most aligned with my usual music taste. jealousy, jealousy is also a banger

the song that makes me cry: maybe favorite crime?

the song that's a fucking bop: also good 4 u

the song i most dislike/least love: one step forward, three steps back isn't *bad* but it just doesn't really. do much for me tbh. they all hit on some level though its really not a bad album!