#i liked that they touched on a lot of really important topics like the BLM movement and the covid morbidity rate

[horsetailcurlers2]

back again with my obnoxiously long stream of thoughts while watching greys anatomy for the first time (SEASON 17 bc the show is going downhill but i’ve invested way too much time to give up now)

-i really don’t like watching the covid seasons of tv shows. it just makes me depressed

-i have been getting to the point where idk if the show is worth watching anymore, but i’m going to stick it out and also cut this season some slack

-i like the flashback thing. maybe this is dumb but i’m wondering if some of that was footage they already had before covid happened and they found a way to repurpose it??

-“i’m not okay with you dying, owen” very unrelatable, teddy

-at the risk of sounding like i care for owen hunts well-being, i am BEGGING for him to just be single for once in his life. figure your shit out without having to have a new wife every five minutes. i thought he’d make progress with that therapy thing but at the end of it he was just like “figuring out the root of my trauma made me realize i DO love teddy :D”

-DEREK??????

-i know she’s not dead but this also isn’t the same limbo from the drowning incident so i’m confused

-so are we saying that heaven is canon in the greys anatomy universe??????

-owen has every right to be pissed at teddy, but it sounds like he’s forgetting he also cheated on his first wife lol. not that that makes it okay, i just mean that some of the things he’s saying are beyond hypocritical

-i am the worst person in the world for shitting on a child actor like this but the little girl that plays zola sucks at fake crying

-NO NOT DELUCA

-a death has not upset me this much on this show since mark and lexie

-part of the difference in the writing that i was talking about with the last few seasons is that i feel like they aren’t letting us draw our own conclusions about how we’re supposed to feel about things anymore. like they’re telling us through dialogue exactly what we’re supposed to think and feel about every situation and it’s kind of annoying. or it’s spelling out exactly what each character is feeling all the time instead of showing us. the dialogue is just sort of forced and clunky and after-school-special-y

-i like that there’s been more of a focus on teddy. other than the henry storyline, she’s sort been a bit unexplored until recently

-damn teddy’s life really has just been rife with tragedy

-tell him amelia !! get his ass

-is teddmelia a ship??? i kind of want it to happen

-lexie and deluca would’ve gotten along like a house on fire :(

-the beach is beautiful and the scenes are great but i DO NOT need to be seeing derek’s bare feet and ankles so much

-“i just really need to be crying right now” amelia is so real

-this season is the most upsetting to me i think because it’s the most real. i think that’s why i don’t like covid seasons of shows. other seasons might draw inspo from real world events but in 2020 there was no way to write a show without talking about all the awful tragedy going on so even if they try to infuse hope into all the bleakness there’s no escapism. which i’m not saying is a bad thing at all. like it would’ve been worse to just write the storylines as if nothing was happening in the real world.

-baileys immediate reaction to the guy who thinks covid is fake being to go to the stairwell and just yell “WHAT? WHAT?!” is so real

-i like the idea of jo switching to OB but i think it’s a little ignorant and naive to say it’s because it’s “happier” than surgery. like realistically it’s bc she likes the idea of bringing babies into the world bc she’s been unpacking the way she came into the world and stuff. but saying it’s happier just feels like a way of saying “easier” and i thought we were past the weird elitist attitude a lot of the characters had towards obstetrics and gynecology in the early seasons.

-i’m happy for tom with his activism and his hospital shares

-a semi public proposal and using the kids to pressure her (inadvertently?) does not seem like amelia’s style even if she hadn’t been questioning whether or not she wanted to get married.

-overall a good chunk of this season was alternately too bleak or too boring. i wish we got to know winston a bit more. everyone felt just slightly off kilter. giving it a pass bc covid season. hopefully the next season (and my possible reaction/commentary??? if it’s worth reacting to) will be better

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

Tbh i come from a north african country and no one here cares who's racist/homophobic.. Ofc there are people who have strong opinions about those issues but they're so very few and the general population don't care if the person is racist or not. Because racism is never an issue that touched us as a country. You never see people protesting for black lives matter here but you do see feminist protestations, as it is an important topic here.

I think it's the same for South Korea, they don't care because for them it's just not a big deal. It's always been this way with most idols.. They don't hate black people but they just don't care about their issues.

Controversial opinion here : I believe if BTS weren't getting criticised for not talking about BLM, and if the BLM protestations weren't so big in media at that time, and if a lot of their fanbase weren't african American, they wouldn't have donated. They wouldn't have cared point blank period. There are so many issues they could speak on (I was particularly hurt by them not speaking up on Palestinians getting kicked out of their homes and bombed 24/7) but they don't. Many people also wanted them to speak up on Ukraine but they didn't. And that doesn't mean they're bad people. They're just not activists and not as woke and all about morals like armys make them to 💀.

(I'm really not hating on them when i say this, i still like them and have positive feelings about them but criticism is needed here)

Agreed 100%. Here too there are certain things that are more tolerated than others, like jokes about one's looks or weight, they're common and almost nobody thinks it's rude. I see controversy all the time about idols calling each other "pigs" and stuff and while I have personally never called anyone that and I would never do it, it doesn't shock me as it shocks and bothers other people because culturally, I'm used to it. Maybe someone else would call me problematic or try to cancel me if I ever did a fat joke. But my "people", the people in my culture wouldn't think I did anything wrong. There's no really racism here but the same as you, in January this year a woman was killed every 27 hours. That month, everyday there was a woman murdered by their male partner, their male lover, or father, or brother. So misogyny is less tolerated than body shaming, or racism, because misogyny is an actual, huge issue. And even like that, many people still make rape jokes or want "proof" of a woman being beaten or assaulted. Even as huge of an issue as it is, there's still people, women too, that don't take a definitive stance against it. If I asked around to random people what they think of cultural appropriation they would look at me and say what the fuck is that. I really have no idea how much Jungkook or BTS know about cultural appropriation or about Islam. Sometimes people do wrongful things not out of spite or disrespect or hate, just out of ignorance.

All of this is NOT to defend Jay Park and the things he's said and done. I am also in no way judging people for not liking him or not liking Jungkook for associating with him. I myself think Jungkook knows about the things he's done and said, but JK probably doesn't see anything wrong with it because it's not something that actually crosses him, culturally speaking.

It might sound naive, or like I'm uncaring too but honestly... idols or celebrities in general are not the people we should trust to be activists. I'm sure there are lots of local heroes for all of us to look up to and feel protected and acknowledged by. Feminism and LGBTQ issues matter to me a lot, but I never expected BTS to care about women or gays as much as I care, because they're not women and I don't know if they're queer. I don't think they even do anything at all for those communities tbh. Maybe they donate silently to lgbtq organizations, I don't think they'd say that, but let's say they donate, then that's great. But I can't know if they don't say it, so I'm not gonna be vouching for them as being so supportive of the lgbtq community because, as far as I know, they don't do anything.

I know, I think the same about BLM.

I don't think you're hating and I wouldn't even say it's criticism because I am not even asking anything of them, just acknowledging that they are not activists and they're very gray politics wise too, like most people in the world are tbh unless it's about things that personally hurt them, and that's just the way it is.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hi Ralph! I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Harry, and the way he interacts with the world. There was the guardian interview and his weird statement about dilution (which I agree with your thoughts on so I won’t harp on about here). In the vein of weird interview comments Harry has made in interviews, one I also think about a lot came out in 2017-ish after Miley Cyrus came out. I can’t remember the exact quote, but I do remember the interviewer asked him, basically, what he thought of Miley’s coming out, and if he felt like he as a person in the public eye had any duty to publicly declare his sexuality too, knowing what it would mean to a lot of his fans who are struggling with their own sexualities, and Harry said “I think that’s a weird thing to expect of someone else, and everyone should just be who they want to be.” I don’t necessarily disagree with the content of his comment - you don’t owe anything to anybody when it comes to your sexuality - but I feel a little weird about the message behind the comment which I took to be “just let me sing and make music and stop asking me for anything else.” I think a large part of the reason I extrapolated that from his comment (and I do realize I was reading into it) has been his general reluctance over the years to get involved with any sort of political movement. The only two real exception I can think of are (1) LGBTQ rights kind of, although to be honest some of this seems performative to me, and (2) his weird and sort of short lived foray into BLM with the march he joined and his Instagram post. That, combined with his decision to move forward with his tour and the general outrage and feeling that Harry is “disconnected” from his fans, that he is “money hungry” that he is “using his fans” etc. has had me thinking. I disagree with the discourse vilifying Harry for his tour decision, and I think a lot of it is that people are angry and scared and frustrated (for valid reasons) but they are equating their rightful feelings of frustration with the situation to mean Harry failed them on a personal level, which I don’t think is true or fair. But I do think Harry is a celebrity who seems generally out of touch with what the rest of the world goes through, and worse he doesn’t actually seem to care. I feel like he withdrew so much after 1D days, and in general I do applaud that decision - I imagine he was dealing with a lot of trauma, and a retreat to as much of a private life as he could manage was probably well called for to protect his mental health. But his withdrawal has continued, and we only really see him when he has something to promote. We don’t get anything at all from him expect his music and now his movies. I don’t want this to come across as me yelling “Harry tell me about your personal life!!!” Because it’s not. I believe he should have complete privacy in that realm, if that’s what he wants. But to me, Harry cutting so much of himself off from the world has made him feel incredibly shallow and disconnected from his fan base, except when he has something to sell. And I do wholeheartedly think when you’re in the position of massive privilege that Harry is, you have a duty to be a well educated, well informed, active participant in your communities, and to throw your weight around for good. On the one hand, I do want to give him the benefit of the doubt. He came into this life he has now at 16, after leading a childhood that seemed to be fairly untouched by any real hardships. He has lived a life that is largely insulated from the way the rest of the world lives. On the other hand, he has the ability to educate himself, and not having those lived experiences personally doesn’t, I think, excuse him from learning about them and working to help who and where he can. I don’t think I really have a question here, I guess I’m just interested in your thoughts. I value your input, and your answers always push me to think about things in ways I hadn’t before. This has been taking up a lot of my mental space, and I’m curious if you’ve thought about it any.

Oh anon - there's a lot here and I'll try to untangle some of my reactions.

First of all - leaving outside the politics of all of this - I think there is part of Harry, both artistically and how he presents himself as a celebrity, which is very good at suggesting things, and leaving space for possibilities. And I think, at least at this stage, there isn't necessarily a solid core in there if you push. And that's OK, it has a lot of value artistically - blank space is pretty core to any design. But by the same token, it's OK if you want more. If you're dissatisfied with Harry you don't need to be fair for him - you can just think 'I want something you're not offering at the moment'.

But obviously I'm me so I can't leave the politics aside for long. I want to start with the interview - because context is important - that interview was Dan Wotton and the fucking Sun. Here is what was printed, which I think is a little different from what you remembered:

I ask Harry about sexuality in pop, a topic in the headlines after MILEY CYRUS spoke openly about her pansexuality. What’s his take?

He says: “Being in a creative field, it’s important to be ­progressive. People doing stuff like that is great.

“It’s weird for me — everyone should just be who they want to be. It’s tough to justify somebody having to answer to someone else about stuff like that.”

So has Harry personally labelled his sexuality?

He replies: “No, I’ve never felt the need to really. No.”

Would he like to elaborate? “I don’t feel like it’s something I’ve ever felt like I have to explain about myself.”

I want to be clear that everything Dan Wotton was doing here was wrong, from existing to obviously trying to push Harry out. And while Harry was also wrong to be doing an interview with the Sun, he did a really good job of not saying anything he didn't want to say in difficult circumstances.

I want to make it absolutely clear that I'm with Harry. It is tough to justify somebody having to answer to other people about their sexuality. I mean particularly when that person is Dan Wotton working for the fucking Sun.

But in general I don't think there's anything wrong with Harry saying implicitly and explicitly 'Just let me sing and don't ask me for anything else'. More than that I reject the whole premise. In the questions you imagined Dan Wotton asking, you set up the idea that the only way a queer artists could speak to queer fans is by coming out. And I think it's important to push back at that at every opportunity. I've said it before, but that I identify more with Louis reciting the women he's pretending to be attracted to by rote, much more than I ever have with anyone waving a rainbow flag. I reject every part of the premise of 'you coming out would mean a lot to people and somehow that is your problem'.

Throughout what you've written me, you emphasise a belief that celebrities should be active politically - and I really want to push back and ask why? What good does that expectation do you or the world? I think the last thing this world needs is more commentary from people with large microphones and without knowledge or a perspective. The world isn't made better if celebrities feel oblige to talk about politics. And your experience

You seem to think of politics like charity - as something you do for other people out of a sense of obligation. I would argue that very little useful politics has ever been done under that model. Instead I would argue a model of politics based on solidarity: 'If you have come here to help me you are wasting your time, but if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.' (Aboriginal Activist, 1970s).

I think this is what makes the English football team so powerful. Marcus Rashford is fighting for school lunches, because he knows what it's like to be hungry. They're taking the knee, because they have experienced racism, or are expressing solidarity with teammates who have experienced racism. I think Jordan Henderson believes that his world and life would be better if queer fans could be themselves at a football match.

Harry has said in so many ways that he hasn't figured out to relate politically, and he doesn't have anything more to say. That might change, but in the meantime, believe him.

Last off I want to point that you seem to be drawing a parallel between him being disconnected with his fans and not interacting politically and I don't think there is any connection at all. You said:

But to me, Harry cutting so much of himself off from the world has made him feel incredibly shallow and disconnected from his fan base, except when he has something to sell. And I do wholeheartedly think when you’re in the position of massive privilege that Harry is, you have a duty to be a well educated, well informed, active participant in your communities, and to throw your weight around for good.

There is no connection between these two points - none. I also don't think there's anything wrong with being cut off from your fan base, or silent on politics. But they're also independent (I mean look at Shawn Mendes at the period of his career when he wouldn't turn anyone down a selfie. He wasn't at all active in politics then).

I don't think there's anything wrong with valuing an artist being out, politically active, or connected with their fan base. But there are plenty of artists who are out (Lil Nas X, Olly Alexander, and I'll give a shout out to Grace Petrie) and there are plenty of artists who are politically active (Jade Thirwell, Dua Lipa, Stormzy). I'm sure there are also lots of artists who connect with their fan base (although I don't track that personally). If that's what you want, find artists that meet those needs. Rather than choosing an artists who offers something else entirely and having expectations they will never meet.

[astro-break]

Thoughts on the 8th ep of Hypmic Rhyme Anima. Spoilers beware

Ep.1 | Ep.2 | Ep.3 | Ep.4 & 5 | Ep. 6 | Ep. 7

Love that every time its a MTC centric episode im so busy that i can’t watch it the day it airs

I like how the beginning of the episode kinda mirrors the events in MTC’s story in ARB

hey hypmic you wanna try making it Less obvious who the culprit is? like damn you’re just giving away secrets like its candy. First Ramuda, the Ruikawa and now these two assholes. Might wanna keep your cards close before you spoil the ending of the anime oh wait they already did that nvm :p

Samatoki please have some sense of self preservation and ask what its about before accepting something. but I guess it also speaks to how trusting he is of those he lets close to him which also explains a bit more as to why he hates Ichirou’s guts

Love that Jyuto is actually choking the information out of someone and Samatoki is actually gathering intelligence and creating boards out of it. Most people expect the opposite from their characters and it such a great dynamic

I find it hilarious that Rio uses older computers but that brings up the question of “How far into the future really is hypmic?” bc those computers look to be from early 2000′s which would be A N C I E N T and completely unusable for hacking come a time when WWIII happens

Iris on a bike has no rights looking as hot as she does. The vehicle CGI is really nice too and so is her character model on top of the bike. Loving how Iris completely owns the two cops

The MTC love here is jsut. through the roof i can die happy now that i’ve seen Samatoki aggressively caring for his teammates animated and voiced. like, please. just. help. I can.t/ MTC care so much for each other I would hug them all and tell them good work, you can finally go rest now uughghghgh MTC guys. MTC

But mannn Iris is so cool, approaching MTC without any fear

I find it hilarious that Saburo would pose as a game dev from dubai which yknow doesn’t make any sense if you think about it. but whatever it just makes me laugh at how easy it is to fake a lot about yourself because yeah! it is easy! 

The whole conversation about cops and good cops seems a bit off considering ACAB but considering Japan who has largely swept both BLM and ACAB under the rug it isn’t surprising. That isn’t to say that Japan doesn’t care, its just that these movements aren’t on the spotlight so topics like these don’t carry as much weight

lol yeah he should have expected to be stabbed from the front lol

SRKHFSKJD Rio please stop living in the water, i can’t believe he did that lol

Love the SamaJyuto subtext in the translation lol

Jyuto’s sequence is kinda cute in a way ahaha

The kurosawa-esque b&w screens are a nice touch to the song as well as the MC Name drops and hypnosis speaker drops. Idk about Rio’s 2DIE4 reference though since it doesn’t really rhyme nor does it add much to the rap itself

The song itself is pretty nice but it isn’t a bop like Fallin’ was. It has a different more gritty feel to it that i don’t hate but isn’t my style

Of course Iruma pulls this situation into his favor, its so typical of him.

Rio didn’t speak much here and took a general backseat to everything. I wonder if it was because during the time of recording this episode, Rio’s VA, Kamio Shinichiro, went down with The Virus (you know the one) so he couldn’t record much. Who knows but best boy. just let me hear best boy’s voice please

Ramuda’s phone vibrate actively annoys me oh my god it makes my skin crawl

If Ramuda’s sleeping on the couch then that really does confirm that Ramuda lives in his studio. Not surprising considering everything we know about Ramuda but at the same time, please get like a futon or smth sleeping on a couch will only hurt your back

Ramuda just busting in is fun

but im not sure how to feel about two divisions shoved into one. like this is basically telling us who is the important divisions, Ikebukuro and Shinjuku. Obviously BB are the protagonists of the series what with the staff coming out to even say that Ichirou is the hero, and if you know what happens then you know why Shinjuku is also highlighted which. also gives away the ending of the anime. again. I’m just glad that the team decided to stick with the irl results bc if they didn’t, they’d have a lot of angry fans

Back to my main point tho, this just. pisses me off. I love FP and MTC and to see them sidelined like this doesn’t feel fair. they deserve full eps to themselves bc if I’m being honest, these two teams have some of the best inter team dynamics out of the current cast. I understand that budget issues and episode constraints exist but this is just kinda frustrating that my main division has been tossed aside and the team that gets the most overall development gets thrown away too

Im not surprised that they cheated because gambling anime is about who can outcheat the other and the mind games played. thats the thrill of gambling series is the psychological factors in it

Ramuda emulating Gentaro’s speech is cute

The mindgames are not present at all and I expected that lol

thats.... midly gay gentaro lol do you always go around pressing shit into people’s mouths while leaning in close? thats pretty gay lol i love the homoerotic subtext present in this episode. First SamaJyuto and now GenDice

no speaker summon sequence? thats slightly disappointing but whatever. the anime is really doing FP dirty by cutting a lot of corners with their episodes

I never noticed that Ramuda and Gentaro hold their mics in their left hand while Dice holds it with his right. neat detail

I love how even in a battle FP still keeps their preppy attitude

Gentaro looks so awkward to the little sway and kick thing in the song lolol

This is probably one of the songs that I like the least. Jackpost is a very Dice song and not really fitting for either Ramuda and Genaro. I think i’d like it more if it was a dice solo or dice centric but the emphasis was pretty cleanly spread so that makes it pretty hard to enjoy

Oh hell yeah FP meshing as a team is just, so cute. Though that foreshadowing with Ramuda and his candy is just. wow

Yup they kept the og brackets so I think the anime’s going to stick with the IRL results. Which means that any tension they try and build won’t work for ppl who are already familiar with the series but I hope they don’t take that fact as an excuse to slack off

[canonicallysoulmates]

Y’all probably already know this but Jeffrey Dean Morgan and his wife Hilarie Burton Morgan have been doing a talk show from their farm since April called Friday Night In with The Morgans. Usually, it’s half an hour, lighthearted, just them and some guests catching up. 

But this week they did a special episode, it’s an hour-long conversation with Colman Domingo and Yvette Nicole Brown talking about Black Lives Matter, systemic racism, and what’s happening in the US right now. 

Personally, I really liked it, I’m probably gonna be watching it again, I loved hearing Colman’s and Yvette’s point of view; the whole thing from beginning to end touched upon very important topics such as BLM, the protests, how to be an ally, what is systemic racism, etc. But there were some things that I was... extra happy I guess, to see them touch upon just because I feel like these things kind of get lost in the conversation: 

The first one is staying positive/taking a break. Colman and Yvette both shared what they’re doing to stay positive, but Yvette also brought up that it’s important to take a break from the news and SM every once in a while because it’s bleak right now. And I wholeheartedly agree with her; I think this is something that isn’t talked about often enough but also it’s something that, especially here on tumblr, has a level of shame. I’m sure you guys have seen those posts that say stuff like ‘if you don’t reblog this you’re a bad person’, ‘if you post anything other than what’s happening right now you are part of the problem’, ‘if you’re posting about xy celebrity right now you don’t actually care’- posts that are meant to shame others for not being “on” all the time. So, I’m really glad that they brought up staying positive and that Yvette mentioned this because more people need to understand that it’s okay if you need to take a break from the fight, listen to some music, watch a favorite movie, talk about your fav for a bit and then go right back in.  

The second thing was voting/politics. This is another thing that, at least I, personally have not seen brought up a lot when it comes to this conversation (by which I mean the voting aspect, I know that making calls to your representatives and such has been mentioned a lot) and it really should be; Jeffrey mentioned it, and Yvette talked about it a bit more: we need to change legislation and that happens by voting people into power that will care about and be a leader for everyone. It’s like Yvette said if systemic racism is baked into the cake that means that it’s a part of every system in America. This is an election year in the US and it might be the most critical election the US has had in years; it is crucial that if you are of legal voting age and can vote that you do so, not just in the big election in November but also the “smaller” elections that are happening in your state/area. Make sure that you are registered to vote, inform yourself on the candidates and their positions on things, with COVID-19 still raging and not knowing what’s gonna be happening in November learn about voting by mail, and probably most important of all and I cannot fucking emphasize this enough TAKE THIS SHIT SERIOUSLY! Four years ago some of y’all didn’t take this seriously, DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE! And I wasn’t gonna tell you who to vote for but fuck it- Biden is far from perfect, I get that for many of you he is not who you wanted but if come November you can vote and don’t do so because you don’t like Biden, or you throw away your vote or heaven help us you vote for the orange a-hole because you don’t think he’ll win and you wanna be funny or some shit, you are a selfish prick. 

I’m really glad Jeffrey and Yvette talked about this, and I really hope people will listen to what Yvette said and that they’ll vote, and do so for those who want what is best for everyone. 

The third thing was doing what you can where you are. Yvette has diabetes, she’s also the full-time caretaker for her father who has dementia so she can’t risk getting sick or taking the virus to her home and getting her father sick which means she can’t go to the big protest it’s too big a risk, so she did a social distancing protest with Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer, they met up in a street corner with their masks and chanted; it’s a great alternative for those who might be afraid or unable to attend one of the big protests. But also when they were talking about this, Jeffrey and Hil asked what can those who want to be involved but are afraid or unable to attend a protest do, and both Colman and Yvette gave great answers; Yvette pointed out that everybody has a platform not just on SM your book club is a platform, if you’re part of the PTA that’s a platform, we all have a platform we can use, and Colman said something that I absolutely love: do what you can from where you are. There’s a lot of shaming and judging, here and on twitter, and probably all across SM, about not going to a protest. Protesting is seen as the superior form of activism, and listen they are important there is no denying that but it’s not for everyone; they are not the only way to show support and it doesn’t mean that other forms of activism like donations, and signing petitions, and talking to your family and friends aren’t important. So instead of shaming someone for not going to a protest, encourage them to do their part from home. And remember the fight isn’t done when the protesting stops. 

The fourth and final thing was how to have a conversation about BLM and racism with family members (and friends) who consider it impolite to discuss things like politics. Throughout the episode they answered a couple of viewer questions and this was the final one, and also the note they ended the epi on; a fan wanted to know how they could start the conversation with their parents about BLM when they grew up in a family that never talks about things like politics. I know several people that have families like this or think this way, that money, politics, and religion should never be discussed, and that can be a strong deterrent to not have these already difficult but very important conversations so I’m glad they answered this question, and the opening lines and advice they gave can honestly be used by anybody who is having these conversations with their family for the first time. 

I don’t know how long it’ll be available but at the moment in time that I am typing this, if you live in the US you can watch the full episode on AMC’s website for free, no log-in or cable provider info required. If you don’t live in the US but have a VPN you can change your location to somewhere in the US and that should give you access to the episode. 

You can also try to find it through streaming or download (this is episode 9). 

If you get the opportunity to watch it, I recommend it; I’m gonna wrap this post up with some words from Yvette and Colman that I think a lot of us need to remember...

“Do what you can from where you are. That’s it.” “As long as you’re doing a little something even if it means just opening up a book.” - Colman Domingo

“Always remember, we’re not fighting each other. We’re fighting the system.” - Yvette Nicole Brown

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with @easilydistractedbyfanfic (she/they)

what are you working on right now? I don’t typically take prompts, but after finding out about the Bellarke Writers For BLM Initiative and how their goal is to raise money for BLM via various fandom prompts that are requested by readers and written & illustrated by various writers and artists, I wanted to get involved. I’ve finished two prompts and am working on my third, which is a Murphy/Raven smutfic set during their years on the Ring. It’s definitely an idea I can work with - it’s over 10k at this point with a lot more to say, so hopefully the anon who requested it will end up pleased! Go check out the tumblr page and the ao3 collection - there’s various t100 pairings/ratings and you can choose the cause if you want to request a fic!

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? I struggled with this question! My stories are all like my kids, and even if some of them could use a bit of improvement with pacing or dialogue or whatever faults I see when they age, ultimately I do love them all and I’m glad I wrote them. I do sometimes play favorites but that often depends on what I’m in the mood to read myself. That said, I really do always feel proud of my story called What You Need. It’s a darker version of Raven & Murphy, but one that I don’t find unrealistic under the circumstances of the fic. I surprised myself with where my head went on this one. In a good way, because it was really fascinating to dive into the minds of who these particular versions of the characters were. 

I’m also pleased that I have over 500k on ao3 at this point. I never expected anything like this when I started writing, and it kind of blows my mind that this is my hobby now. It’s so strange to me that there are stories in my head at any given moment now.

why did you first start writing fic? I started writing in June 2018. Never wrote any fanfic before that, ever - though I did read plenty! I wrote three stories super fast, posted them all on ao3 on the same day and haven’t looked back. I think I started writing out of a combination of just really needing more content for my faves, but also I wasn’t in fandom before s5 and was quite desperate after s4 to talk to other people about Raven & Murphy. So I needed to get the stories out but also I had this hope that it would invite conversation when I didn’t know anyone in fandom.

what frustrates you most about fic writing? Just because I want to write doesn’t mean I can. Having prompts on my plate right now, I feel a real responsibility to finish them, but even when I carve time out to write, sometimes the words just don’t feel right. The muse doesn’t always strike when I have the time available. Also, it’s super ridiculously important to me that scenes and dialogue FEEL right based on the characterization I have in my head in any particular story. I can look at a scene I’ve written, especially an emotional one, and sometimes it’s just not resonating with me the way I know it could or should. It’s tough not to just push through and post it as-is, but I know that would never satisfy me, even if it means a much longer turn-around time on a story or chapter update. Often I will find that I get an a-ha moment that cracks open a better understanding of why a scene isn’t working for me, but this can take time and I have to trust in this process.

Not to preach, but it’s also frustrating when something you spend a lot of time and effort on doesn’t get much in the way of comments. I see posting fic on ao3 as a sort of conversation, so when there’s mostly silence even as the hits (and hopefully kudos) tick upwards, it can feel really...disheartening to feel like you’re talking into a void. And I say this as someone who has been fortunate enough to have regular readers who DO give feedback! I think every writer understands that they need to write for themselves first and foremost, but I wish more readers understood that feedback and enthusiasm will absolutely result in MORE CONTENT! I try very hard to follow this guideline myself by supporting and commenting on everything I read as time permits.

what are your top five songs right now? I listen to a huge mix of songs & my childhood influenced me a lot. 

Some floating in my head include - 

Chris Cornell’s live cover of Nothing Compares 2U Indigo Girls - Romeo & Juliet The Decemberists - Once In My Life Tori Amos - Silent All These Years The Chicks - March March 

what are your inspirations (books, songs, other fic)? I find inspiration in a lot of things, which I think is lucky. One of my biggest is the characters themselves. I love getting deep into understanding who I think they are, what their motivations are and why they’d make certain decisions, whether in canon or in an AU. What parts of their personalities do they keep when they aren’t tortured and under trauma on the regular? What would happen if I change this one scenario in their lives? I could probably go on forever just based on these sorts of thoughts, but I do also find inspiration in simple things like tropes, or song lyrics and the lore of the show itself. Quite a lot of my ideas in my inspiration notebook have sci-fi themes too. A few of my stories have already touched on sci-fi topics, and I absolutely plan more of them because I love how creative that can be. I also love the idea of suspended belief - can I have sentient plant life from an alien planet that can mindread & communicate by projecting thoughts into characters' heads? Yes, yes I can! (I wrote this story, fyi - Flora Incognita, part of a series) 

what attracts you to Murven? what first attracted you? Hey, do you have all day? Ha! Seriously, I could talk about this until everyone wants to strangle me! I loved Raven immediately - not so much Murphy! But I really disliked Finn, so ep 1x10 when Raven finally broke up with him had me interested. In that ep, you can see that Murphy is present, awake & nearby in the Dropship and probably overhears everything Raven says. Then he gets up and looks at her to make sure she’s still sleeping before he carries out his revenge plans. I’m not kidding - that one look absolutely and completely hooked me! Murphy was still awful then but he was so much more interesting than Finn, and back then I remember thinking how I’d really like to see them interact as two stubborn, strong personalities, because no doubt sparks would fly. And then when they did interact more, their dynamic was exactly what I’d hoped for and then some! 

I love that they’ve seen each other at their worst and at their weakest and most vulnerable, yet they’ve built a strong foundation of trust, faith and understanding. They have so much in common but they’re also different sides of the coin in some ways too. Fandom talks about Bellarke being the head & the heart, but to me Raven and Murphy are the intellect & the instinct - they complement each other, provide some of the qualities that the other needs, their differences improve each other. For me, nobody gets Raven like Murphy & nobody understands Murphy like Raven. Maybe not a lot of people notice, but Raven & Murphy check in with each other a lot - Raven tends to say “I got this” but Murphy is the only person who replies to her “Do you?”. And Raven listens to Murphy’s ideas and suggestions and plans even when she’s known as the genius because she knows that he has valuable things to say. They have fun together, make each other smile and enjoy each other’s company, which is in such short supply in this show! 

I know there’s parts of fandom that don’t ship them because Murphy shot Raven in s1. I have a lot of thoughts on it and have had quite a few tumblr posts about it. This is a fictional show - it does not reflect reality. I’ve been on the fringes of fandom for a long time and I know shipping doesn’t always mean yes, I want to see this relationship in real life. For me, I think it’s absolutely fascinating that someone Raven should hate has become one of her closest and most trusted friends. That she forgave him, and we as the audience get to see this dynamic change and grow, and that Murphy has always felt guilty about it even though he was being presented as selfish and out for himself - it’s such a huge, huge part of each of their character’s journeys. This is getting rather meta, but I don’t think either of these characters would have survived this long or evolved to the extent that they each have without specifically being around each other. 

And I absolutely can not discuss my love for Raven & Murphy without mentioning the whole way these two LOOK at each other! OMG have you SEEN it?!?? How could I not ship them when they look at each other like that! LOL! Also, I want to keep talking about this but I’ll stop now because I truly could go on forever and anyone who follows me already knows I’m wordy.

BESIDES Murven, what’s your favorite ship in t100? Honestly, nothing else comes close to Murven for me, but I did like Kabby before the show just eviscerated their characters. I like the possibilities of Niytavia still. I can see why people ship Murphamy in the earlier seasons. Definitely think Echo/Roan could’ve been something intriguing. And I’ve got this weird thing going right now where I wouldn’t hate Murphy/Russheda, but admittedly that’s mostly about the aesthetic! I tried really hard to like other partners for Raven & Murphy since they’ve always been my faves, but I’ve been meh about all the possibilities except Luna as a partner for Raven or as a Luna/Raven/Murphy threesome. At some point I might write that. Otherwise I’d say I tend to like the friendships more than the ships.

what are some things you’d like to recommend? I always hesitate to recommend other stories & authors because I can’t stand the idea of people feeling left out if I forget to mention them! But I would like to say that I really and truly love my fellow Murven shippers who read & support my stories and who create content like fic and art and gifs and fanvids. I find so much inspiration in them even though sometimes I can’t get through 30 seconds of a fanvid before I have to pause it because the angst is too much for me!

Since you’re kind enough to ask me this question and maybe a few people will read this answer, please - I recommend that everyone educate themselves on social justice and climate change and Black Lives Matter and capitalism and unions and what intersectionality & solidarity truly mean! Vote like your lives depend on it because THEY DO!

ed’s note: compiled a few resources -Rebel Well: A Starter Survival Guide to Trumped America -Jacob and Al’s Intergalactic Intersectionality Adventure -Get involved in your local chapter of DSA -Join Your Local Mutual Aid Group -Keeping Yourself Safe Online In This Capitalistic Hellscape -Angela Davis’ book Are Prisons Obsolete? -Resource about defunding the police

You can find @easilydistractedbyfanfic here on Tumblr, on Twitter, and on AO3. You can also a request a fic written by her via @bellarkefic-for-blm!

[lulzyfarm]

re: ‘defund the police’ what does that mean/entail? why is it a demand?

An anon sent in a request for why BLM is calling to defund the police. I’m in a bit of a...work swamp so I’m going to try to tl;dr a lot of it! and edit the post later w/ relevant readings and well... when im not about to short circuit. 

Why? 

More or less, BIPOC/POC are targeted by the police because of race. A lot of ALM/Right-wing pundits assign that BIPOC/POC, in the worst of ways, “deserve” to be policed because of the stereotypes surrounding BIPOC (esp.) communities. These are, imo, largely false justifications because the police state has always existed to attack and control minority groups (Simone Browne writes extensively about technology and race. In short hand, surveillance technology has always been mobilized to target people with darker skin).

(not a grand fan of ACLU but: Why the War on Drugs is the new Jim Crow)... many more .... works that outline why the War on Drugs was, similar to redlining, a target on BIPOC in both limiting socio-economic mobility but also creating a language around drugs that villainises BIPOC. 

The prison industrial complex is exploitative and the police directly contribute to that system. There are many documentaries that surround the nature of exploitation in prisons (eg. 13th, The Twelve Landscapes)

Policing has always been economic strategy. This is bullet mainly about the origins. The current police state is a direct descendent of slavery and maintaining control over former/then slaves. 

Policing is still currently economic and segregative strategy. By targeting marginalised communities, the ability of upwards socio-economic mobility is limited or PERMANENTLY fractured. Red-lining functions similarly and enables the mentality that BIPOC are inherently violent/abject and therefore need to be mediated. 

But what happens if the police are defunded/abolished?

(This is going to be...well..a doozy. I’m going to need to edit it). 

Abolishing the police state does not mean that the good police will be pushed into poverty and forever abject from society...I don;t think abolition is even close to as popular as defunding...which is barely second to simple “reform”. The purpose of abolition is so that the “good meaning police” are moved into community works projects, where communities in need are given the proper resources to mobilize from the abject. Instead of spending literal billions (NYPD example fron June) on policing, this money could be spent on funding schools, public facilities, and other engagement strategy. Historically speaking, when the government puts more money into helping uplift citizens, the means of survival become less volatile and violent. It’s a proactive counter measure, ensuring that each citizen is offered the opportunity of stability that some people are born into. You hear a lot less about violence in communities that aren’t constantly stuck in precarity. 

Brain Ramblings: 

Judith Butler, Isabell Lorey all write frequently about this subject of precarity. Essentially, the limiting of resources, shuttering of social mobility in certain communities creates a seemingly stable state, but only because half the population is constantly at the borderline of poverty/abjection. (uh.....very reductive). Living barely above government aid line is an ultra fragile-ultra precarious life. 

State of Insecurity, Lorey

Really Great interview with Adolph Reed (<3) about why class is equally as important within the dialogue of race. 

Mckenzie Wark on new strains of Capitalism

THE END OF POLICING ... the social media star from Verso... a book launch and discussion 

Obviously reinforcing that these aren’t the “facts facts facts” as Ben Shapiro likes to push! Here’s the thing, facts are manipulated, especially when it’s statistics about race and the racism of the police. People were devastated by Breonna Taylor’s killers not being acquitted, however, the system has always protected police. If the policy instate is to enable racism, it’s not myopic to believe that literal legislation is meant to continue the very devastatingly fruitful prision-industrial complex. 

AUHG 

i feel like i havent sorted much out because the topic is so EXTREMELY dense and i hate to be reductive. Again! I really enjoy publishing multiple cutural, anthro, and political theorists work because having a diverse library of understandings prevents totalitarianism.  (also cited Hannah Ardent previously.. Mill is ok..... But the essence of “think about what you’re told” is there) 

OOP last thing: Someone once very succinctly pointed out that if the image of fascism is limited to Hitler and the Holocaust, we are a doomed society. America’s ultimate weapon is comparison. That’s why we’re kind of resigned/ignorant to the state until there is explicit, gruesome, violence. If we’re told that there is only a WORSE option, then we never think beyond. uhh... Citing Mark Fischer’s Capitalist Realism. The first two chapters are great and touch upon this. 

[jthiskey]

J.T. Hiskey And Lil B Raise Significant Money For BLM

jt hiskey

Q: Please introduce yourself to the readers and how you first got into this field of work –and who were some of your influences growing up?

j.t. hiskey

I’m Louie. I’ve always been into music. I was influenced by Twisted Sister, Guns n Roses, then Metallica, Black Sabbath, and Nirvana, then punk bands like The Ramones, Nofx, and The Riverdales, then got into Ritchie Blackmore and Peter Green.

jthiskey

I’m Jose. My parents introduced me to different musical styles from their vast LP record collection and from the radio when I was growing up. From The Beatles to Styx to Lionel Richie and Cindy Laupner. Then as I got older I gravitated to Sound Garden, Pearl Jam, Veruca Salt, Blink 182, Fuel, Oasis, Sum 41, Creed.

Q: What kind of training have you had, if any?

Louie: I took a guitar class in high school, one in college, and had 1 month of singing lessons.

Jose: I had music lessons with the Accordion, the Guitar but didn’t keep up with them. Q: What has been your favorite project to work on so far?

Jose: Equine abduction…

Louie: The Manhattan Project. just kidding. Q: What sports do you enjoy watching?

Louie: hockey, hockey, and hockey.

Jose: Basketball Q: What is it that you are hoping to accomplish?

Jose: We want to share our music with the world in the hope that they enjoy it. We hope that it might touch someone in a profound way or encourage them to keep on going despite the challenges they may face.

Louie: I’m hoping to accomplish having music being my life and having people hearing my/our music. Q: What has been one of the biggest highlights/achievements of your career so far?

Louie: Being played on the radio. Jose: And we really loved having someone doing a cover of one of our songs. To see it for yourself someone really digging your song was just amazing to see. Q: If you had a chance to work alongside anybody who would that be?

Louie: Anybody famous, haha

Jose: Really anybody who is serious about doing something special, would be an honor Q: What is your creative process like?

Jose: There’s usually something that affects my emotional state or story I want to express. I’ll write it down or text it to myself. As I work on the lyrics or a chorus or group of words that sounds great, I’ll then bounce it across Louie. He has the mind to really pick things apart and find better words that make the song lyrically singable and playable on the guitar. I don’t know chords so I have to reproduce the sound that I have in my head and Louie can pick up very quickly the chord I’m looking for. There have been many times where he will hit a chord by mistake and I’m like Wait, Play that Again! That’s perfect! Sometimes, we work on songs for as little as half an hour or hour and other times up to a month of constant back and forth. We record it on our phones and listen to it, work on it more to really perfect it and practice it for Recording at Sonic Palace Studios.

Louie: My creative process varies. Sometimes I’ll have a vocal melody in my head or a topic I want to write about, and I’ll make music to fit that. Or sometimes I’ll have a guitar riff or melody and work around that. Other times I’ll hear a song or riff, and it’ll “inspire” me (read: ripoff, haha) Q: Are there any funny stories during practice or recording?

Louie: A funny story was you writing what you thought the lyrics for mothers’ smiles were, compared to what they actually were.

Jose: Yeah I remember that I thought I heard the words right but was way off. I also remember there I was struggling to get “The last party of the Summer” down pat and Louie was like, ‘hey you’re getting caught between the lines’. And I looked dead set at him when he suggested to change it up to make it easier for me, and I said, “I don’t wanna change the song just because I can’t sing it.” We cracked up and I listen to that blooper and it cracks me up every time. Q: How do you feel the Internet has impacted the music business?

Jose: The internet has made things easier for indie artists to show their artistic side, whether it’s in music or any other form. You can have an idea, record it digitally and share it with the world almost instantly. I feel the music industry has controlled things to their own detriment and the detriment of artists. Now anyone can make music and be heard around the world, get paid for their music without labels hogging it all.

Louie: I think the internet killed the radio star. That whole file-sharing royalties issue exposed a lot of artists as greedy, “in-it-for-the-money”, and, as image is very important to popular music, it was very damaging to the “rock n roll image”. On the other hand, the internet is fantastic for artists who just want their music to be heard. Q: What would you change in the industry if you could?

Jose: The major problems that artists face when trying to share their music is funding, time, and the resources to really have an impact in reaching listeners. Being independent means it’s all on you to do everything to make your music, get gigs, sell your songs, collaborate with other artists etc. There has got to be a better way for the industry which really won’t change due to their greed. If you removed that element, you would see more artists featured that have great music to share to the world that you wouldn’t otherwise hear in today’s music paradigm. It would be great if artists that were really successful, support other artists with a fund that they could use to make their music. I would support that.

The major hurdle for indie artists are just getting people to listen to your stuff. Radio is still king and even with all of the online platforms it’s hard to get people to listen to your stuff. There is just so many other bands out there with great music that I’m still discovering until this day. The industry pushes those out for whom and only whom THEY want to elevate, really those that can make them the most money.

Louie: If I could change the music industry, I’d slow it down. Not tempo-wise, but the music industry runs its artists into the ground. The constant touring, and deadlines, stuff like “you need to have this album released by this date” kinda suppresses creativity. Let them have a break. Give them time to write good songs. Q: What is the best advice you’ve been given?

That you can do things yourself. It takes hard work, time and energy but it’s worth it in the end to be able to create things and mold things to how you want them, just not how others would bend it into towards their vision. Don’t waste time or mental energy on those who are flakey or really don’t fully support what you are trying to do. Q: What’s next for you?

Louie and I will continue to record and release singles, collaborate with other artists to record songs and release more singles and maybe a few more albums. It would be easier to concentrate on our music if we could put our jobs and bills on pause. But Life keeps rolling along and we are trying to hold on during its ride. Despite it all we will keep on Rockin!

[marie-bluem]

   Random Entry: 07/01/20

    (Please don’t reblog, repost, etc)

        It’s been raining a lot lately, which has kind of put me in a nostalgic mood lately and given me this sudden urge to want to look back on some of my old blog posts, entries, and past years. Also the current state of our world right now and other things, especially the current state of the U.S. right now, has made me feel sad ( I am kind of feeling a tiny bit of that summer time sadness/blues ;-;)🌦📔      

  However, seeing the progress being made by everyone working together to bring more awareness to the inequalities and issues that still need to be addressed, not just in the U.S. but in the world in  general, and being able to help and take part  with my friends and just being able to keep in touch with my friends, has made me feel more hopeful and inspired as well. Overall, the past month of June had just kind of put in a reflective mood and want to reflect back on some things/ memories/ personal experiences etc and just write about and comment on some things like some of my past posts as an effort to try to write gain a bit more on here.

       Also I’m really sorry anons that I haven’t finished answering the rest of your anons. As  you saw from my last posts, these past months have been months where many have been working together to spread more awareness and info on issues like police brutality, mental health awareness, BLM movement, Juneteenth and more, that I just personally felt it was and still is more important to reblog posts on those topics in order to bring more awareness to those topics, and limit my amount of personal posts/ posts that don’t have to do with those topics. So I’m really sorry, but I have not forgotten about your anon asks! What I plan to try to do is answer just one of your asks once a week and like I said I will still post/ reblog some personal posts  but I will also try to reblog more posts containing info on more important topics. So I will still try to post/ reblog personal content and continue to answer some of your anons! ^^

Okay lol you can just ignore the rest of my text below lol (you don’t have to read what is below this ;-;) Like I said , the rest of the text will be a few of my comments/ thoughts as well as thoughts  I remember having when I reblogged some of my old entries, posts etc. ^^ . Also please don’t reblog this post (I’m sorry I just really don’t want to encounter a lot of weird tumblr bots again 😥 😭

January 2013:

      Aw My first posts and the beginning of this blog  ^^ I can’t believe it has already been more than 7 years since I created my Tumblr blog. I remember not knowing anything about Tumblr until my friend Emily told me “Marielisa, have you downloaded Tumblr, you should make your own Tumblr blog and follow mine please”. We didn’t even have proper phones back then (I had an old blackberry phone lol) since we were still in middle school. I remember only being able to log onto Tumblr when we had computer lab or got to use and take home our school’s iPads. Lol since I was way more shy back then, my friend ended up writing my first post saying hi and asking others to follow me and recommending me some blogs . My friend and I were really into 1D back then so I remember most of the blogs I followed back then were blogs about 1D, polyvore outfits, outfit mood boards, London, Paris/ traveling and quotes. Lol I remember Zayn being my favorite 1D member followed by Liam (before Liam shaved his hair lol; my friend and I were shook 😶 ) I remember Zayn being my favorite due to his introverted and shy yet playful personality. Wow a lot of time sure has passed since then. But, I guess some things never change though because traveling is still one of the things on my bucket list, I still hold this unexplainable yearning and wanderlust for visiting Europe (especially France and Italy),and also still am very fond of poetry, book quotes,  moodboards, and listening to 1D throwback songs from time to time with my friends✨ 💛.

February 2013:

Aw I think this is when The Perks of Being a Wallflower had come out. I remember being really excited to see how the movie had turned out since The Perks of Being a Wallflower was one of my favorite books at the time and held (and still does) a special meaning for me. Haha I remember ‘falling in love’ with Logan Lerman, wishing I could meet my own “Charlie” / Logan Lerman lol. Lol I remember wishing to be able to meet a some-what shy, dorky/ funny and thoughtful guy whom I could be awkward, silly and care-free with and share songs with haha. I also remember falling in love with the ost of the movie. To this day, Heroes by David Bowie aka the tunnel song is one of my favorite songs (as well as Come On Eileen and more favorite songs which just keep on accumulating ;-;) (I also remember wanting to have my own living room routine dance with someone.  Lol if anyone has read this far and gets this reference, I appreciate you 💝 )

Some extra notes (thoughts):📔✨

From looking at some of those posts I also realized that some things haven’t change like my love for strawberries lol, my love for city views, and my love for cozy, fluffy sweaters and cardigans (sweater weather).    🍓🌃  🧥

 I also still enjoy listening to some songs from The Beatles and really old songs in general.🎶

I no longer want to find a “Charlie”; I just want a thoughtful, kind, and funny guy who can be both quirky/ silly and serious depending on the situation, as well as hardworking, honest about his thoughts (is able to open up to me about his thoughts, feelings, worries so that I can do the same and so that we can both find comfort in one another and not second-guess one another) and a good listener/ someone whom I can have random, deep or silly late night conversations with lol, go on spontaneous outings with, and whom I can just be my some-what shy, awkward, random lol , sensitive, normal self around . (Also someone who preferably loves/ enjoys  Spring and Autumn (especially Autumn) just as much as I do and who loves animals/ pets ;-;)

Spring 2013: 

      The time during which I got to watch the movie “The Art of Getting By” and time during which I really did feel a bit lost in my thoughts. (The Art of Getting By also has one of my favorite indie osts ) I remember having a lot of thoughts (‘worries’’) on what might happen after I finished middle school in May and started High school in June (It makes my heart feel warm remembering the small things my younger self used to worry about) I remember wondering about what High school was going to be like, feeling kind of anxious and scared about getting lost on the first day of classes in a bigger school compared to my small middle school. Lol I remember thinking: Would I be able to make any new friends or at least have some of my middle school friends attend the same high school as me? Would I have trouble opening my locker again? Lol my middle school self didn’t have any clue as to what was going to happen and the many things my high school self would experience and overcome. (Lol the things my middle school self used to worry about 😆 🤧  

     Thinking back,  I think that if my middle school self were to have known or been able to take a glimpse at what my high school was going to be like and known how I would have to attend classes with much older college students I think that my middle school self wouldn’t have known have to feel nor believed it and might have even felt more overwhelmed about starting high school. I don’t think my middle school self would have been able to see just how much that experience and my decision to attend my high school over the other program that had also accepted me, would allow me to not only mature a bit more and grow as a person, but also learn to take control over my anxiety (little by little) and meet and befriend some of the most kindest and dear people to me who are now my closest and dear friends. 

       Because of that I can’t help but to wonder what would have happened to me if I hadn’t decided to attend the high school that I did, met the people that I did.  If I didn’t meet my friends of now back then would I, by some chance have still been able to meet them in a different place at a different time? That’s why I’m really glad I decided to attend my high school because even though it did lead me to experience some of the most difficult and mentally draining periods in my life , I would not change my decision if I was given a chance to go back and change it. I can’t imagine my life today without my friends whom I met back then and some other special people (particularly one person) because even though they might not know it or realize it they changed me in a good way and became a  very important and precious part of my life. I’m very thankful for having been able to cross paths with  them and for them having crossed paths with me 💖 .

August 2013: 

    I’m trying to think back as to what or who hurt me to reblog those posts lol 😶(wow I was so emo; My last year of middle school was filled with angst huh ;-; ) but I can’t remember. This made me realize though that there is some truth in what some people say in that: as time passes by we learn to slowly heal, let go, and forget of the things or people who might have hurt us. Before we know it, we don’t remember any of those not so happy times or those memories just don’t hurt anymore because as time goes by we begin to make  more happy and precious memories with people and friends that make us feel warm and loved. As for embarrassing moments/ memories (we all have them ^^  lol )  I found that as time goes by those memories don’t feel as embarrassing anymore but rather funny making me feel fond of those moments and smile at how funny and precious those moments actually were. So, if any of you reading this also have some not so nice memories just know that with time, and as you slowly learn to let go of them and spend more time making more happy memories rather than dwelling on those not so pleasant memories,  those not so pleasant memories will slowly heal and scatter away. As for those embarrassing memories, they will slowly blossom into something precious you might fondly look back on one day and laugh at 😆  (which is one of the best feelings).

September 2013: 

     My first full month attending  my high school (AHS) lol. I remember I had gone on a trip with my family early that summer so I wasn’t able to attend the summer bridge program that my high school organized for freshmen students. Since I didn’t go to the summer program, I couldn’t help but feel  nervous and a bit lost on the first day of classes because I didn’t know which homeroom class (cohort)  I was supposed to be in. I also didn’t know any of the teachers or anyone in my class because my childhood friend (Em) got placed in a different class. Apart from her there were only 2 other people from my middle school that were also accepted into my high school, but I wasn’t close with them/ didn’t know them that well.  I remember feeling very anxious and shy when I walked into my class, especially when I saw that most of my classmates had already become a bit more close with one another over the summer. I felt  so small and was way more shy back then. But I ended up worrying for nothing because my first day of high school ended up being very nice. 

      Even though I didn’t know anyone in my class, everyone was nice and ended up making me feel more comfortable. I will always feel thankful to my friend Amber because she was one of the first people in my class who talked to me and helped introduce me to some of the friends she had already made in the class . Because of her, I was able to make some other high school friends in my class who were all also nice and friendly and made me feel comfortable by starting conversations with me (if by any chance Karis and Kaylyn you are still using your tumblr blogs and read my post lol I just want to say thank you for understanding my shy personality and giving me time to open up, I will always appreciate that). I remember that after that first kind of nerve-wrecking month of school lol, I was also able to befriend my  current, close friends Darlyn, Yasmin, as well as meet my other current-close friends Erika, Frances, Trisha, and Nathaniel, who although I wasn’t really close to them back then (but was able to meet thanks to my childhood friend Emily) , have now all become precious friends of mine 💖 💛  I’m also thankful, because of those friends I was also able to meet you - a  little bit weird, dorky and kinda shy , blue shooting star like boy who I think will always have a special memory corner in my heart  just like my friends and everyone I love, despite you maybe never knowing that and that’s okay. I hope that maybe one day when we meet and actually see each other in person after many years with our group of friends, we can say hi to each other, talk, laugh, and smile normally and forget about past awkwardness.

Extra notes:📔✨

I remember wanting to be able to go to one of those old red phone booths in London, that people had turned into book trading posts/ spots where you could take some of your old books to the phone booth and exchange them for other book that other people had read. (I still kind of want to do this to be honest lol ;-;) 

Looking at my post of that blanket fort reminded me of how I always wanted to build my own blanket fort and decorate it with fairy lights and invite my friends and boyfriend to watch a movie while eating popcorn and baked pastries inside the fort lol (I still want to this too shh lol >.<)

Looking at that post of a drawing of an old and vintage record player also reminded me how I never want to get one of those old vintage record players or anything that’s an antique tbh due to so many horror/ scary movies that I have watched ;-;

That post of the mountain overlooking a crescent moon made me want to go on a road trip and camp with friends under the night sky while roasting s’mores after this pandemic subsides 🤧

October 2013: 

       I think this is when most of my friends read and or were reading the Fault in Our Stars lol since the movie was said to come out in 2014. I remember that particular quote really resonating with me and being one of my favorites from the book as well as the quotes: “You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you”, “Some infinities are bigger than other infinities” and the quote I came across for which the title was ironically based on:“The Fault Dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, for that we are underlings”.🌃       

        I remember the quote:” My Thoughts are stars I can’t fathom into constellations” really resonating with me at that time because I remember having so many thoughts and often feeling a range of emotions and sometimes feeling more deeply about some things compared to others and my friends and not knowing how to explain or express thoughts/ feelings to others in a way that made sense to them. It’s like I had so many ideas and thoughts but I often found myself holding them back because I just did not know how to get my words or thoughts across, especially during writing/ when it came to writing essays for class etc. I remember that being one of the main reasons as to why I didn’t really enjoy nor looked forward to English/ writing class despite loving to read books, and free-writing. I don’t know, I guess the teaching style of my 9th and even 10th grade English teacher and class in general, just made me feel so restricted when it came to writing about my personal thoughts/ ideas regarding a book or topic. Due to that, I kind of started to get writer’s block more often and did not enjoy writing for a while because I just personally felt that the class’ and teachers’ preferences when it came to writing about our own personal ideas and thoughts made writing feel less free, authentic, and fun and instead made writing feel more forced and restrictive.It also at some point made me feel discouraged to try to express my thoughts and opinions about a book/ topic through writing due to those teachers not allowing me or others more time and freedom to gather and express our thoughts so that they could understand them/ try to see them from a different point of view. But it’s okay, that did not stop my love to free-writing during my own time and my love to want to capture some moments, feelings and thoughts in writing. Overtime, I found that academic writing will always in some sense feel more restrictive and forced,  but that does not mean that all English professors are the same, and will make writing and reading feel restrictive because I really enjoyed my English college classes during 11th and 12th grade. My English professor during that time allowed us to be more free with our writing, opinions, and thoughts while still helping us improve our writing skills.

     During 2013 I also remember still feeling scared and anxious to share my personal opinions and thoughts on topics a lot more during conversations with my close friends or simply during class participation in fear that I might say something wrong, not know how to explain myself in front of a bigger group of people , and that others might laugh at me for that, due to not so nice past experiences. But thanks to my friends’ understanding nature, empathy, and encouragement,  I slowly started to gain more courage, feel more confident, and slowly but surely began to open up to them a lot more about my inner thoughts, random and quirky thoughts lol, worries, and rants haha and vice versa- they opened up to me more too which allowed all of us to find comfort  within one another and I’m very thankful  and will always be thankful for that💖  💝

 Another quote that I remember being very fond of was the quote: “You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you” because it’s true. We don’t really get to choose if we get hurt or don’t get hurt, but we do have some say and or power in deciding who we allow to hurt us or keep on hurting us. We have the ability to change and leave  a situation/ place/ etc that keeps hurting us and or making us unhappy.

   Another quote that I remember being very fond of was the quote: “ Some infinities are bigger than other infinities”. I remember finding this quote comforting in  the sense that although maybe my time spent with a family member, group of friends, crush, or significant other might one day come to an end and or turn out to be a smaller infinity due to certain life circumstances, my smaller infinity with them will still have been very precious and felt like a bigger infinity to me that will never cease to end in my memories. That quote was also comforting in a sense that it led me realize that although our time with someone whom we care about and love might be a smaller infinity during a certain point in our lives, we could come across that someone once again during a different point in our lives (future) and find that all that time our time with that someone was actually one of those bigger infinities made up of smaller infinities. 

        🌌 ⌛️💫

      The last quote related to the Fault in Our Stars that I remember being very fond of is: “The Fault Dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, for that we are underlings”. I remember liking this quote because I remember thinking about how often times, our first instinct as human beings, when something terrible happens to us or something does not go the way we had hoped, some people  tend to blame forces that are bigger than us and or that are out of our control. Or sometimes we tend to hold ourselves back from doing something that we love and  trying new things, in fear of failing, something going wrong, not being able to do things at the same pace as other, fearing change, or just simply comparing ourselves to others which in turn ends up making us feel like “underlings”, when it shouldn’t have to be like that. Overall, that quote led me to think about how often our worst enemy and or greatest critic is our own self. But, we can all be like the stars and feel bright, when we begin to allow ourselves to not just love and care for others, but also slowly but surely, love and care about ourselves as well which is not easy but not impossible ,and surround ourselves with people and things that make us feel loved, happy, and motivated and not allowing others to continue to hurt us with their invalid assumptions and criticism.

Wow, who would’ve known that The Fault in our stars would have a big impact on mine and my friends’  perspectives during that time haha ;-;

Extra notes:📔✨

After looking at the quote “I want to sleep for 2 years and wake up with a degree, an apartment, and money in the bank”my high school self had reblogged,  I started to think about how sad and boring that would have been If I had been asleep and missed out on 2 years of my life and just magically woke up with a degree, an apartment, and money and not actually lived through those experiences and small achievements, as well as miss out on all the memories that I would have made with my friends and family during that time. Although some of these past years during my journey in obtaining my degree and becoming more stable and independent have been hard, exhausting and sad at times, there have also been so many happy and fun moments with my friends and family that have made up for those bittersweet ones and so I think it would be sad to live without knowing about those moments and memories. 

Ah the song “Sweater Weather” lol; I remember me and my friends Emily, Amber, Darlyn, Kaylyn, and Michelle really liking the song when it came out lol. I remember thinking it was such a perfect/ cliche song to listen to during a chilly, crisp Autumn day lol. I haven’t listened to the song since high school but I think I might add it to my rainy day/ Autumn throwback songs playlist lol ^^

November 2013: 

      For some reason, what I remember the most from November of 2013  is that my Envirothon group met together for the first time with other high school groups representing their school in the Maryland envirothon at Camp Schmidt lol aw wow I can’t believe that happened so long ago. I remember my biology high school teacher (Mr.Cordon) selecting my friend Darlyn, Amber, along with a few others from our freshmen year,  and a tenth grade group and me as the two groups to represent our school. ��Omg lol I remember being assigned to represent and lead the Wildlife portion of the competition and my friend Amber being in charge of the soil  and environment portion while my friend Darlyn being put in charge of the nature/ tree information section despite her being allergic to various types of trees. I feel really sorry about that to this day because what if she had gotten a really bad allergic reaction. I still don’t know to this day how or why  Mr. Cordon decided that  😭 😭

It felt kind of nice though to get away from our Campus  for a while and being surrounded by so much nature and fresh  breeze :)   

Extra notes:📔✨

Looking back at these posts also makes me realize how some other things about me and some of my preferences haven’t changed. I still  do quite enjoy rainy days, especially those rainy days where I don’t have any important things to do and I can just stay inside while listening to the rain outside and watching movies from the comfort of my room lol or taking short walks in the rain. 

I also still have this appreciation for black and white photographs; Like I mentioned in another post of mine, I just think that black and white and grainy photos have this unique mood and just give this very soft, nostalgic feeling when you look at them.

I also still love acoustic songs and guitar covers of songs and scenery photos of different places 

I also still love the look of busy cities like Paris, New York, London, etc when they are completely covered in snow and only the twinkling lights from buildings can be seen; Idk I just like the soft and subdued feeling snow gives to those busy cities :)

I miss being able to learn a new language; I’ve been thinking about starting to  teach myself the basics of a new language over this summer break lol but I’m not sure where to start or which language to pick ;-; 🤔 So far I’ve been thinking about learning either French or Korean but we’ll see lol; If I do decide to start learning, my goal is to just at least get to just 1 level above beginner’s level 🤧

Okay I’ll stop here for today and do this again with of my other posts another day ^^.

[jungkookjaan]

Remember when we all started giving wtfock recognition and lots of love and appreciation and made them go from one of the less talked about remakes to one of the most talked about? Remember when we made them trend every week and supported them even thought they made mistakes that were hurtful to a lot of people? Remember when we all collectively sent them a dm at 21:21 showing them that we cared about each one of them, even the interns who had nothing to do with the show? Remember the videos, fan edits, art we made to thank them for amazing seasons? And what did we got back? Right... them not listening when we asked for more representation, choosing to cast another white person. Them not listening when we asked them to touch topics as racism and blm because it was even more important this year than it ever was, choosing to give us a racist main. Them not caring about the only Muslim character, giving her season to another person, even when they knew how much fans were expecting Yasmina. Them not giving Moyo the main, even when we made ourselves loud that if it wasn't Yasmina, then it should be the only black boy on the cast, allowing black fans all around to finally see themselves represented in a show they used to love. See this? We made sure to support them in any way, some of us even had a ton of hate anons in our asks because we were trying to find excuses for their mistakes. And all of that for them to give us back this, this season. They don't care about fans, they care about money and their remake being international known. You know, literally a skam fr wannabe. (sorry for the rant, but I knew you were going to get me!)

eye-

how do i even respond to this.......it really fucking hurts, they really just took my comfort show away like that :))))))

i can't even process it all rn yk it's so much, there's new disappointment everyday, it gets worse every fucking day before we can deal with the previous, they even took the comfort we found in other characters away because they are either just absent or it's all about racist kato. this is just hell.

I sent rutger the post @anicocat made though. felt amazing, hope he reads it and resigns

(also bitch how do y'all send such long asks, mine puts a limit two words in)

[theamberfang]

[Here is a title]; Journal 600

It feels strange sometimes following both people that are highly critical of voting (more specifically electorialism) and people who are very adamant about encouraging people to vote—more specifically, when there are remarks towards anyone who may be opposed to voting.

What really got my mind stuck on this topic, though, was an assertion that choosing not to vote isn’t resistance, it is surrender. It doesn’t make all that much sense to me—not that I think not-voting is particularly meaningful resistance either. It’s mostly that either way, the impact of voting seems largely insignificant from my point of view, relative to other forms of activism. Like, if all of the options are shit (all two of them), why would it make sense to put a ton of effort into making sure we get the piece of a shit that’s dressed up more?

Beyond that, I just sort of feel like if you can get people to participate in mutual aid and other types of activism, then they’ll naturally get in touch with people that can help make sure they vote when the time comes. Like, I often see the hyper pro-vote people say “you can do both: vote and direct action—but seriously make sure you vote, it’s super important!” It ends up being presented as if voting is the more significant activity and that mutual aid and direct action are secondary. It seems very backwards to me.

I suppose it can seem “easier” to convince people to vote since the actual action is [supposed to be] rather trivial: write some stuff on a piece of paper and turn it in. But I don’t think there’s much you can say to get someone to vote who can’t or won’t, for whatever reason. Like, whatever you can say about how important it is, they’ve almost certainly grown up learning and hearing about. At the least, I don’t think there’s anything anyone could tell me that would make me feel inspired to vote, let alone start campaigning to try getting other people to vote.

The thing is, most people haven’t heard of mutual aid or direct action. Just from the novelty standpoint, I’d think people would be more interested in hearing about it. And for people who are disillusioned of the importance of voting, the notion of making a more direct and tangible difference in people’s lives could be much more appealing. And if the mutual part is clarified, then they might realize we’re not talking about one-sided charity.

And to be clear, I’m not opposed to the act of voting itself: do it if you’re willing and able. I’m just bemused by the way people talk about voting, especially when it’s in relation to direct action.

Games

Other than that, I want to say that I actually tried playing some stuff other than Dead Cells today.

I tried out Helltaker since I saw some buzz about it a while ago, and it’s free. I didn’t finish it because I wasn’t quite up for the sort of game it was: a block-pushing puzzler with light visual novel elements and erotic themes. (Nothing pornographic though, as far as I got anyway.)

I hadn’t mentioned it yet, but sometime last week I had actually dug into that huge BLM bundle that I picked up on Itch.io months ago. One of the games in it is Cook, Serve, Delicious 2, and I tried getting into that today. It turned out to be a bit too overwhelming for me though, with a lot of stuff going on. But what I think was more significant was that “nostalgia-anxiety” that I haven’t discussed in a while—basically, when I stress over getting into something I used to be really into because I don’t want to return being bad at it. Oh, right, forgot to say that I had beaten the first Cook, Serve, Delicious a couple of years ago. But yeah, I’m resistant to the very idea of being bad at something now that I used to be good at, especially when it’s slightly different with new stuff that will amplify my badness. I do think it’s worth trying to deal with these hang-ups though, especially if it writing about it in the process helps me learn more for the future.

I did keep playing Dead Cells, too. I’ve made a good amount of progress upgrading the Legendary Forge. More importantly, I managed to beat The Hand of the King on Hell difficulty, allowing me to see the final stage. It killed me, but I got there. I even got to see a good amount of it. I just got curious about a secret area that I found and I wasn’t ready for the traps that it was filled with. (But to be honest, the final stretch of the level looked like a gauntlet that was bound to kill me too.) The one thing I’m not sure about is if the blueprint from beating The Hand of the King was turned in by entering the final level; I don’t recall if I had to bring those to the Collector in a following run before. I guess I’ll just have to lower the difficulty and see if the Collector has it so that I can unlock the outfit; if he doesn’t, that’ll be a reason to stick to properly beating Nightmare before moving on to Hell difficulty.