#i like turd they look cute :33

[tordistic]

Henlo

[stormclouds-chainmail]

[Image description: A webcomic by The Oatmeal titled Wombats. Continued under the cut.

Panel 1: Image of a wombat. A medium height, stocky creature with four legs and fur.

Panel 2: Image of a wombat from the side.

Panel 3: Image of a wombat from the other side.

Text from panels 1, 2 and 3. Listen, we need to talk about wombats.

Panel 4

Text: There's a lot we could say about wombats.

Panel 5

Text: They're cute.

Image of a wombat lying on its back.

Panel 6

Text: They're marsupials who can weigh up to 80lbs (36kg).

Image of a wombat on a set of scales with the word chunky on the display.

Panel 7

Text: Their closest relatives are koalas.

Image of a koala.

Panel 8

Text: And a wombat actually weighs as much as three koalas.

Image of a wombat with an equals sign beside three stacked koalas. The top koala says, "Is the stacking really necessary?"

Panel 9

Text: Wombats dig 100 foot (30 metre) long burrows with dozens of entrances.

Image of lots of holes in the background. The foreground has a wombat emerging from a hole saying, "I am a firm believer in skylights."

Panel 10

Text: A group of wombats is called a wisdom.

Image of a group of eight wombats stood under a banner that says, "Deep thinkers only". One wombat has a cup of tea. One wombat says, "Hello, Cynthia". Cynthia replies with, "Greetings, Charles". A wombat called Higgins says, "Do crabs think fish can fly?" A different wombat responds with, "Interesting hypothesis, Higgins. I must meditate on this.

Panel 11

Text: And they can run at 25 mph (40kph).

That's nearly the same speed as Usain Bolt.

Image of a very fast wombat running and leaving a trail of black and grey lined and stars behind it.

Panel 12

But we're not here to talk about all that.

***

We're here to talk about butts.

Image of a wombat from behind with large butt cheeks. Its head is turned to look behind it.

Panel 13

Text: You've probably heard that wombats make cube-shaped turds, right?

Image of a wombat butt pooing out cube-shaped turds with sound effects, thibt, thipbt, this, thbttt!

Panel 14

Text: If not, congratulations.

Image of a cube-shaped turd.

Text: You just learned a fun fact.

Your brain probably deleted a childhood memory in order to make space for that fun fact.

Image of a wombat turd in a circle with an arrow pointing to a brain with a label saying, "Worthless knowledge 100% capacity and a full red bar. That has an arrow pointing to a human head in a circle going into a bin or trash can.

Text: Maybe it was a memory of your dad pushing you really high on a swing set.

Image of a dad pushing a child (who has the same face as the memory that's in the bin) on a swing set.

Text: That memory is now gone and has been supplanted by a six-sided block of marsupial feces.

Image of the people at the swing set but their faces are giant wombat turds with eyes and smiling mouths.

Text: Incredible.

Image of a close up of the child on the swing with the dad's hand pushing them. The wombat turd child says, "Higher, Papa, higher!" And Papa responds with, "Yes, my child. The wombat turd child is leaving a trail of debris or foul smell behind them as they move on the swing.

Panel 15

Text: But the fun facts don't stop there. Wombats actually crap out 80 - 100 of these turds a day.

Image of 100 wombat turds in a 10 by 10 formation.

Text: If humans pooped this often (averaging 4 inches or 10cm per turd), we'd make 33 feet or 10 metres of poop per day.

That's roughly the height of 11.5 koalas.

Image of 5 whole koalas stacked and holding each other up with the top one holding a koala chopped in half at the waist. The half koala says, "Please stop using us as a unit of measurement."

Panel 15

Text: Wow.

These fun facts sure are fun.

***

But they beg the question, why is wombat poop shaped like that.

Image of a wombat holding a cube-shaped turd and an axe saying, "Why a cube, cousin? Why not an axe?"

Text: Their stacked poop is used to mark their territory and also attract potential mates.

Their turd totems are basically a wombat's version of a keep out sign.

Image of a wombat surrounded by turd totems holding a placard that says, "Abandon all hope, ye who enter my fortress of feces."

Text: Or a dating profile.

Image of a wombat standing behind a stylised heart made of wombat turds. It's twice as tall as the wombat who says, "I will cherish you as I have cherished my turd statue. Heart emoji."

Panel 16

Text: And the reason wombat poop is cubed-shaped is so that they can stack it on a variety of tall, uneven surfaces, such as logs or rocks, without it rolling away.

Image of an arrow pointing down to a stack of six turds on a rock. A wombat is peering out behind the rock saying, "Structural integrity is nominal."

Panel 17

Text: Basically they are playing butt Jenga as a means of communication.

Panel 18

Text: Extraordinary, yes?

~

Yes.

Downwards arrow.

But that's still not why we're here today having this conversation about wombats.

Image of a wombat from the nose up with its paws raised in the air.

Panel 19

Text: We're actually here to talk about butt cheeks.

Panel 20

Text: Wombat butt cheeks are composed of bone plates that have fused together to form a protective shield.

On top of that shield is a layer of fat, skin and fur.

Image of the four layers, a rectangle of brownish fur with an arrow pointing to the pinkish skin with an arrow pointing to the yellowish fat with an arrow pointing to the white bone plate looks like a lozenge.

Text: When attacked, a wombat will dive into a burrow with their rump facing outward.

Image of a cross section of a wombat burrow containing a whole wombat with its rump sticking slightly out of the entrance.

Text: This is because their armoured butts contain very few nerve endings, so when they're scratched or bitten, they barely feel it.

Image from above of a wombat ass sticking out of a burrow entrance. Superimposed on it is a shield symbol with a tick in it. In a box at the bottom are the words, "Wombat ass = 100% secure."

Text: They basically have Captain America's shield embedded in their phenomenal buttocks.

Panel 21

Text: And while in this defensive position, a wombat will often flatten its body out, leaving a gap between themselves and the roof of their burrow.

Image of a cross section of a burrow with the wombat hunched down so there's a gap above it.

Text: When a predator pokes its head into that gap, the wombat will do something remarkable.

Image of a diagram on lined paper. The wombat is in the burrow with its butt sticking out and a gap between it and the top of the burrow. A pink direpig labeled with the disclaimer "not a real animal" is about to attack. The wombat is labelled with the disclaimer, "a real animal". The wombat's bum is labelled, "wombuns of steel".

Text: The wombat will slam its battle-hardened ass cheeks upward, crushing the predator's skull with a series of breathtaking butt slams.

Image of another diagram on lined paper. The wombat has slammed its butt up against the roof of the burrow crushing the direpig's skull between its butt and the earth.

Sound effects, "wam! wam! Wam! Crunch! Crunch! Crack thbpppt!"

Panel 22

Text: And this, my dear reader, is why we're having a conversation about wombats.

Image of the deceased direpig. "RIP direpig. Gone, but not forgotten."

Text: They have surface-to-ass missiles.

Marvelous murder-cheeks.

Weaponised HamSlammers.

Wombats are adorable, huge, high-speed marsupials who defecate Lego bricks and crush the skulls of their enemies using brutal, beautiful buttocks.

Image of wombat buttocks with shiny sun logo things.

Panel 23

Text: They are extraordinary.

I think about them often.

You should too.

Image: This entire panel has a dark background with floating turds and pentagrams maybe meant to represent stars. Image of a wombat floating with turds and pentagrams around it. Below that is a wombat viewed from behind with very prominent butt cheeks. At the bottom is the writer lying on the ground thinking about the wombats in this panel.

Credit: Written and drawn by The Oatmeal. End description]

[g4rous]

Okay okay so—

Imagine Tareo says that he wants to introduce Garou and his s/o to his new friends (post- monster association arc) and then one of his friends ends up developing a crush on you

(I’m sorry I just thought this was a cute idea and I had to tell someone about it 🏃🏽‍♀️💨💨💨)

I already told you this but

AGSSH THIS IS SUCH A CUTE IDEA YES💕💞💓

I didn't write anything except hcs for quite a bit (oops I should write the next chapter of my fic lol) so this felt hella nice :'0 💕💕 I tried making it lighthearted and the idea made me very giddy sjsjjs tysm for that I hope you're doing good and taking care! 🤧<33

Pride and buffoonery

word count: 1.2K

warnings: none

They say: ‘’If the day wasn’t your friend, at least it was your teacher’’, but upon taking a look at Garou’s face you couldn’t help but laugh.

“It’ll be fun!”- A word you said so jovially half an hour ago, now echoes in his mind like an annoying tease.

Taking a look at the scenery and them himself, your boyfriend ruffled his short silver hair, now covered with muddy snow. To top it off a few tiny branches were sticking out of his hair but you didn’t want to inform him about it just yet.

“Which part of this is fun again?” He asked impassively before flicking off a branch.

Well, you couldn’t help but feel a little bad now despite your fit of laughter. How did he get himself in that state in the first place? Some children’s chatter a few feet away from you brought it back to mind.

Dainty snowflakes gently spread on the stone sidewalk beneath your feet, coloring it white. A sharp gust of wind made its way to your face, causing you to blink abruptly before turning to the man beside you. You let out a giggle upon noticing his face even more frozen in the cold wind and hair vastly disheveled. Be as it may, even cut shorter it’s still standing upright in a sense of way, by some sort of gravity unbeknownst to this world.

“Where did he say he’ll meet us again?”

“Dunno, probably somewhere around here,” the teen paused after shivering for a moment, “but if the little turd doesn’t show up soon we’re going home.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you spoke before pointing your tongue at him jokingly, “you can say what you want but I know you wouldn’t let down your friend just like that.”

He rolled his eyes and just as you thought you saw a glimpse of a small grin behind his annoyed façade, you felt something hit you at the side. Taking a glance at the snowy mark on your jeans, you turned around only to see a gleeful Tareo, his new friends right behind him. Even on first glance you could tell these kids weren’t the same as that group he hung out with before, and much to your relief, these kids quite resembled his kind and innocent demeanor. However, one thing that caught your attention for a brief moment is one particular boy. The timid glances he gave you followed by looking the other direction as soon as you noticed his behavior made you let out a chuckle.

“Adorable,” you thought to yourself, reminiscing fleetingly of all those silly crushes you had when you were that small.

The children huddled closer to you and Garou in hopes of finally getting to know Tareo’s hero, whom they’ve heard about oh so much- and the person endlessly dear to him. Their eyes gleamed as if they were looking at the top of the S-class, waiting in line to get an autograph from their idols. Well, it’s no wonder considering all the grandeur and fabulous tales their friend told them about the legendary “Uncle”.

Just as you were about to smile cheekily at your boyfriend for all the attention he was getting, you noticed him momentarily taking a look at that little boy from before, much to the child’s uneasiness. It appears you weren’t the only one who noticed those small lovestruck glances a minute ago.

Your attention shifted from the child back to Garou again upon feeling his arm around your waist, pulling you closer before asking Tareo if he had something in mind for today’s hangout. With his expression as casual as his voice, no one would think there was something that made him feel somewhat annoyed. You knew him though, and you couldn’t decide whether to make a joke about it or give your dork a peck on the cheek.

The snowflakes just kept increasing in numbers before coming to a halt, leaving the surrounding completely covered in deep snow perfect for messing around. On your left you could see a small, yet steep hill from which people were sleighing, some even accompanied by an enthusiastic dog or two. All around you stood lines of trees, their branches wilted and seemingly lifeless now decorated with the snow. You’d be damned if this scenery wasn’t perfect for a snowball fight, and most of the kids were already on task.

The little boy noticeably enthralled by you couldn’t stop staring at your charming face, nose slightly red from the cold. You wouldn’t have even paid much attention to it if it weren’t for someone’s subtle clinginess. Every time the child wanted to say something to amuse you, your boyfriend on the other side made sure to be holding you as close as ever, and if the poor child even dared to keep on with it he’d only give him a small glare accompanied by a faint smirk.

“Lucky Garou has a soft spot for kids,” you thought before smiling a little nervously.

The next twenty minutes went along a similar pace, with the child giving up on any more attempts at the start. You even had joined in with Tareo and the other kids in a snowball fight, taking every sweet chance you get to land a hit on either one of them or Garou, though the latter would most likely just let you feel like you’ve scored an early victory. Nonetheless, he seemed to be having a fun time as well.

One thing that might make things even jollier however, is a peculiar bag he saw just slightly hanging from one of the trees. Even from the ground its contents were visible- dirty snow from the street mixed with mud from someone’s yard probably.

“So that’s what kids have been using for pranks lately, huh,” he spoke to himself as a not-so-angelic idea came to mind.

Like a scene from a cartoon, he almost felt that little angel on his shoulder telling him to keep out of it and the devil on his other side saying “screw that, it’ll be hilarious.”

It’s just snow, it’s not like anyone’s gonna get hurt or something.

His eagerness to spill a bag of snow at a particular person made seconds feel like an eternity, visible in his eyes just beaming with mischief and anticipation. Even a slight shake of those branches would send the plastic bag of snowy wonders falling.

The target came closer and closer to the tree while running away from your and Tareo’s attacks, but just as the silver-haired teen wanted to initiate his own, a loud, raspy caw was heard from above accompanied by some rustling.

You, who just came to the scene now see a snow-covered Garou, and upon taking a look at the little boy standing a few feet away from him perfectly clean you realized what was the case here. The large, black crow still rustling the branches above only made you burst into laughter.

Tareo accompanied you as you walked towards the sentient snowman, trying not to choke on your cackles. He only looked at you with a faint tint of red on his cheeks whilst shaking off the snow on his head.

“Not a single word.”

“Huh? But I haven’t the brightest idea what happened here,” you giggled, much to his chagrin.

Still, you decided to give your sentient snowman a break. Patting off the last chunks of snow on his shoulder, you leaned in to finally give him a well-deserved peck.

“Let’s go home for some hot cocoa.”

He let out a scoff before forming a light smile. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.

[aprilskyforever]

Henny ranks Eurovision 2021: third and final edition, after the show

 we waited two years... and just like that, it was over. but what a YEAR! there really aren’t many songs in here that i actively don’t like, i can see some appeal in pretty much all of them. alas, if i have to rank them, this is where they end up:

1. italy. (+10) yes, i too got on board the italy hype train in the end. and yes, i too wanna sleep with the whole band, all at once if possible. this is just oozing sex appeal both in melody, riffs, lyrics and of course, their look and charisma. and i’m HERE for it. what’s so interesting with italy is that, when they won sanremo i felt like yeah this is a decent song and it will probably get a decent placing but it won’t win, because that’s usually the case with italy you know, and i’m fine with that! and then... it’s like with love, isn’t it. it happens when you stop expecting, stop looking for it. 

2. switzerland (+1) the staging for this was not what i expected but i was absolutely on board. and gjon is flawless. the song, his voice, everything about this is perfect.

3. malta (-2) i lowkey wish destiny had kept the dress she had in the first rehersal. this was everything i wish toy was, in a way. 

4. iceland (+3) like i said in my first post, daði really knows how to make a beat. this became one of my most streamed songs this season, but the performance was ace as well, even if i’m not sure about the sweater/nerd aesthetic. although at the same time, i can’t really imagine what it should have been instead?

5. ukraine (+13) probably the biggest grower for me this year! i adore it. it feels like a trip, a punch in the gut, it tur11ns your world around. oh, i love it so much.

6. lithuania (+3) the most solid song of the season. i just didn’t grow tired of it, and it’s been out since what, january? 

7. russia (-1) she’s just. a queen. an icon. i love her. 

8. norway (-3) this song and this man just makes me soft. i feel for him so much.

9. sweden (-7) oh tusse deserved so much better!! i get why we didn’t score that well in this year so i’m not mad but, in statistics, this place is equal to robin stjernberg in 2013 and that’s just.... WRONG. robin wasn’t even the winner of the televote in melfest that year. and tusse won EVERY age category this year. we love him! he deserved better.

10. france (+5) i’m still not best friends with this song but i, too, can see the appeal of this, i can see why it’s good, it’s just not for me. 

11. bulgaria (-3) beautiful... but a bit boring after a while, no?

12. san marino (-8) yeah it’s senhit’s vocals that sinks this but I STILL LOVE THE SONG and i stand by that. they deserved so much better.

13. moldova (-3) it lacked live.. but the song still hits

14. cyprus (+14) oh look a grower!! the lyrics still make me cringe but DAMN elena is a good performer. i have to give her that.

15. finland (+10) like i said in my first post i’m glad that people like it and that finland gets to do well, especially considering their results ever since.. softengine? but it’s not for me.

16. netherlands (-3) i still love the vibe of it all. deserved better.

17. serbia (+18) clown nose on. maybe i did enjoy this in the end after all.

18. azerbaijan (+4) it’s a bop but like, a hollow bop? it’s okay.

19. croatia (+2) deserved qualification! i enjoyed it.

20. portugal (+17) the power of staging, folks. hot damn.

21. spain (+1) no this was beautiful actually. even though this is the song i’ve had the hardest time to remember this season.

22. uk (-6) the song is good but james is not a performer and bbc can’t stage for shit. there’s that.

23. greece (+9) so stefania is great live! but the staging was not as cool as they thought it was and i still don’t really like the song.

24. albania (+7) it’s still very albanian 101 but sacha can create magic and angela sings it really well.

25. denmark (+8) maybe i saw some appeal in this after all. it’s cute. 

26. germany (-12) in my first post i said uk was like a chewing gum but no, THIS is the chewing gum of the year. and now by the final all flavour was gone and could barely blow a bubble anymore.

27. israel (+7) you can only polish a turd so much i’m afraid.

28. austria (+2) the staging for this was beauuuutiful and i love the chord progression in the melody. but it still gets a bit repetitive.

29. romania (-3) roxen did do everything right but it wasn’t enough in this competition i’m afraid.

30. belgium (-7) i never got around to it, i still like the verses but not the chorus, it’s just.. boring.

31. slovenia (-12) yeah, i let it go. it’s ok but not more.

32. czechia (-15) ohhh this is nooot how you stage something like this. it needed so much more. i’m sad, i still like the studio.

33. australia (-4) it’s just. too weak! verses are nice but the chorus is just not working for me at all. 

34. north macedonia (+2) i gotta give him that the performace was quite nice even though the song is corny in the bad way as fuuuuc

35. ireland (-15) oh lesley ): why did you let me down like this

36. georgia (-12) still a great song to rock forth and back in a hammock to. just wanna lie in one and listen to all the sounds of nature when i hear this. but in the competition? it’s a no from me.

37. latvia (-25) yup, this years biggest let down by FAR. and poor samata was off key for the most part. i can’t rank this higher even if i like the song a bit.

38. poland (+1) still cringe as fuck ew but it lowwwwwkey bops so

39. estonia (-1) nope. just no.

[ghostofbambifanfiction]

18, 20, 29, 30, 33, 47, 55, 65, 69, 78, 96, 97!!! LOVE YOU

Omg so many!

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. It’s not always brought up but the two things that sprung to mind were

a) I once thought that planes could only fly to Australia in one direction.

b) I sprained my ankle really badly by jumping out of the way of @fetchalgernon‘s ball while we were playing mini-golf, except there was nothing but a steep hill behind me so I essentially flung myself down the hill.

20: what’s your favorite eye color? GREEN

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? @dancemajicdance is the CUTEST sleeper in the world. You know how sometimes in movies the guy wakes up and the girl is sleeping next to him looking beautiful and serene in a way that isn’t humanly possible? That’s how Kat looks when she’s asleep. You just want to cuddle her like a plushie.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? Of my parents. Yes.

33: what’s your fave pastry? It’s honestly a fight to the death between the classic butter croissant or the pure-of-heart cinnamon roll.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? I WOULD say cheese because it’s basically milk turd, but SO many people love cheese that I feel like if I banned it I would be hurting my loved ones. So I will say that rocket should be banned because I don’t think anyone loves rocket as much as the general population loves cheese.

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? Jumped into the shower with all of my clothes on. I can’t remember what point I was proving but I remember my boyfriend fell apart laughing at my theatrics. As well he should have.

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? SO MANY PEOPLE!!!! I’ve already mentioned Kat and Kristina in this post so there’s no need to tag them again but obviously I’d LOVE to hang out with them both, also there’s @bcdaily and @ohpottermycaptain and @mercifleury and @honourablepirate and @thelightinthedark and all of my other melons whose usernames escape me right now because people keep changing their damn usernames, my friends Frances, Andrew and Curtis and of course my baby brother Robbie (I say baby when he’s 24, but he is non-verbal and the best way to explain the extent of his developmental delays is to say that his comprehension is that of a baby’s, so to me he will always be my sweet baby bear and I miss him so much)

69: what are your favorite board games? Off the top of my head, I love Mysterium, Mansions of Madness 2, Telestrations (or basically any party game) and Unfair. There are loads more but I’d have to hoof it to the third floor and check out our board game cupboard and I’m super comfortable at my desk right now.

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? I am neither. The Minions have done nothing to hurt me. Leave them be.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I work in IT so, immediately.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? I had to look this up in an old email thread and apparently I am ENTP? FYI something I learned a few years ago is screw Myers-Briggs because it was invented by these racist-ass women. My Zodiac sign is Pisces and my house is Gryffindor.

[noonmutter]

*Grinch grin* Make me admit something... DO THEM ALL.

Pff like I haven’t had to do this rodeo before come at me scrub

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

That’s either my realtor or my mom, so no.

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

No? Why on earth would I?

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

Not to my knowledge.

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

Absolutely. Trust is the core of a relationship, without it you’re just acquaintances who maybe make eye contact sometimes.

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

From the phrasing I assume this means “like-like” and since I live with my fiance, yes.

( I really did answer all of them at once but I’m not enough of a turd to fill everybody’s dashboard so the rest are behind the cut! )

6. What are you excited for?

Boring work stuff that makes little sense to anybody who doesn’t work with me but is going to be just as jazzed about it as I am because they’re FINALLY FIXING SOMETHING I SAID WAS A PROBLEM A YEAR AGO–AGAIN

7. What happened tonight?

Um… it’s four in the afternoon here.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

I think it’s disgusting when anybody gets wasted. You aren’t even conscious of whatever fun you might be having and you sure as shit aren’t tasting whatever you’re drinking anymore. Quit that.

9. Is confidence cute?

Only in the context of someone who’s about to get the living shit beaten/embarrassed out of them for being confident against all advice to the contrary (”He’s gonna go punch a tarrasque in the nads! How cute!”). Otherwise confidence is just a good thing and generally rad.

10. What is the last beverage you had?

I just finished my second coke of the day about ten seconds ago and am debating a third.

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

“Fully” is the operative word and that number is zero of any sex.

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

Probably. It’s hard not to get them when you’re at a certain size.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

Work, go home, either raid or RP, and sleep. I do that basically every Saturday night.

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

Ideally a house that isn’t being sold by an idiot, but probably something less interesting like Starbucks.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

Hey @dwyndel would you consider what we’re doing “going out”?

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

I mean, I hope so? Growth is important.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

My fiance and my mom.

18. The last time you felt broken?

hahaha “last time”

19. Have you had sex today?

hahaha “today” I haven’t gotten laid in years. plural.

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

what the hell kinda question is this that’s not something you admit to, that’s a question that answers itself and the answer is either “no” because you aren’t or “yes” because the question made you realize it

21. Are you in a good mood?

Pretty good, yeah

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

Yes but I’ll be peeing literally the entire time

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

Probably. I got a lot of my looks from him, which aggravates the shit out of me since he’s a terrible person

24. What do you want right this second?

A nap

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

‘Can I watch’‘Were they hot’‘Do they like sharing’‘Your breath smells like infidelity’

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Yep, white streak included

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Probably not, but there’s a huuuuuuge difference between “doesn’t make me laugh” and “does not have a compatible sense of humor with mine.” Some people just aren’t funny. Like me. I’m not funny at all. Jesus am I ever not funny. Wow.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

A fucking Spanish Inquisition reference from Dan Avidan in Game Grumps that I’m still mad at myself for laughing at

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Eh, not really. I don’t have homesickness pangs or people-aren’t-here pangs unless I know I can’t get to them because they’re not in a place where I can go. Otherwise I’d be a sad puppy every time I went to work

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

No. Some people are not worth anyone’s time or effort and often they know it and abuse people’s willingness to forgive or try.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

Hatred is hard to pull out of me unless you personally did something really offensive and permanent to me. I get tired of people but I very rarely hate them. The last “boy” (he is very much an adult, calling him “boy” is fuckin’ wierd) I talked to was my supervisor and I rather like Phill

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

I am engaged. You tell me.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

Not only did I just say I’m contemplating a third Coke at 4 in the afternoon, I have a bucket to collect pull tabs in for the fiance to make chainmail out of

34. Listening to?

My coworkers chattering in the office around me. I could listen to music if I wanted, but the office headsets suck ass and can’t handle bass of any kind

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

Not often. My handwriting is awful and I try not to write by hand at all, but if I do, it’ll probably be in pen

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

Either at home or running errands

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Shit no

38. Who did you last call?

Not counting work calls, I try not to call people if I can possibly avoid it. Uhhhhhhh…probably my mom.

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

hahaha “dance”

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

Because she was there and smoochable

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

Haven’t had cupcakes in a VERY long time, have had very good muffins from Costco this week though

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

Nope, they live in Virginia and I don’t

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Am I misunderstanding what you do to attract a mate?

44. Do you tan in the nude?

I don’t tan.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

Nope, that’s my smooch and I’m keeping it

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

Sorta. RP is kinda like talking, right?

47. Who was the last person to call you?

Realtor.

48. Do you sing in the shower?

Not really. If anything I hum; being able to hear myself too well makes me get quieter

49. Do you dance in the car?

Drum stuff out, finger-piano on the steering wheel, occasionally headbang.

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Once, and I’d love to again. The first/last time I fired a bow I took ten shots and bullseyed six.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

College. Never doing that shit again.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

That’s sort of the point of them. The question isn’t are they cheesy, it’s are they good.

53. Is Christmas stressful?

Of course it is. The only time it’s not is when you’re too young/old to have conscious thoughts, because even young children worry endlessly over what they’re getting or if they’re getting anything or what if santa thinks they were bad

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

I fucking love pierogi but I’ve only ever had the frozen ones from Mrs. T’s, Dwyn and I keep saying we should find time to make some and see how much better it is

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

Don’t really do pies of any kind except for French Silk. Fruit pie filling is a wierd texture I don’t really enjoy

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Architect and animator

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

Enough to be unsettled late at night by noises I can’t identify, not enough to be unwilling to sleep in an allegedly haunted house

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

All day every day. No joke somedays I wonder if people who think they have psychic powers are just people with really persistent deja vu, it feels like magic

59. Take a vitamin daily?

vitamin coke or vitamin coffee

60. Wear slippers?

Technically the shoes I wore to work today could count as slippers. I call them my crazy-people shoes because they have no shoelaces and no fittings

61. Wear a bath robe?

only when it’s really cold in the house

62. What do you wear to bed?

Nothing

63. First concert?

Blind Guardian at the Pop’s in Chicago when I was 13. It was their first US tour and my parents are boss people who really wanted to humor their kid. People at the show realized this tiny barely-teenager in the back knew every word to every song and pulled me to the front, and there was no barrier between crowd and stage, so I got to lean on the stage and got smirked at by the guitarist. After the show I shook Hansi Kirsch’s hand and got my copy of Imaginations From The Other Side signed. Good times

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Target

65. Nike or Adidas?

Neither, they’re both overpriced shit

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

Cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Peanuts, although I’d rather have cashews

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

I don’t know any taylor swift songs nor do I care

69. Ever take dance lessons?

Nope

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

Hadn’t given that one any thought beyond helping her job hunt in the immediate sense. I can see her doing costuming on a professional level eventually, though

71. Can you curl your tongue?

I never know what people mean by this. I can make an “O” shape with my tongue but that’s it, I never figured out that clover shape

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

Multiple. I almost went national in …something-before-sixth-grade-because-I-remember-beating-sixth-graders but refused to go because I wanted to stop being stared at (seriously, I just didn’t want to go because I hated being on a stage). I’m sure that frustrated my mom

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

A few times, but not often

74. What is your favorite book?

One of the Discworld novels, but the answer is ever-changing because they’re all pretty goddamn great. Picking one out of a hat, Unseen Academicals is pretty rad just because it’s got such a great take on [thing that spoils the plot if I say it]

75. Do you study better with or without music?

I was not a studying kid, I was a “retains everything as long as nobody stops me from doodling while they’re teaching and it’s not about numbers” kid. Thinking about it I was probably doing some eidetic memorization tricks without realizing it, my fact retention is/was top notch when I cared

76. Regularly burn incense?

Nope, I have over 100 allergies and a lot of them are to plants so I’m not risking that bullshit

77. Ever been in love?

I am engaged to be married right now

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

Does Critical Role count?

79. What was the last concert you saw?

H…alestorm? I think? It’s actually been a while

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

Hot plz

81. Tea or coffee?

Tea if it’s just the drink itself, coffee if I can put a ton of shit in it so I can only barely taste the actual coffee

82. Favorite type of cookie?

Does Not Contain Raisins

83. Can you swim well?

I can swim, Iunno about well? I’ve never been in danger of drowning for lack of swimming ability, I guess

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

What an interesting question, it hadn’t occurred to me there are people who can’t until now

85. Are you patient?

When I choose to be

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

If it’s affordable and the right band, band. Otherwise DJ and karaoke because HELL YEAH GET YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY DRUNK AND LET THEM SING

87. Ever won a contest?

A smattering of spelling bees, a couple art contests, summer reading competitions. Nerd shit, yanno? Although I’ve won those water gun shooting gallery games at Six Flags every time there’s enough people to play, too

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

Nope

89. Which are better black or green olives?

Olives are gross

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

It’s sex, who cares

91. Best room for a fireplace?

Living room and/or bedroom

92. Do you want to get married 

I am engaged right now

@theengraver EAT ME

[unicorn-poop]

Costume Party

ARADIA- Sheep

TAVROS- Bull

SOLLUX- Bumble bee

KARKAT- A princess in a pink frilly dress with a pink diamond tiara and a magic wand with a bow attached to me

NEPETA- A cat (obvious)

KANAYA- Vampire (obvious)

TEREZI- A dragon

VRISKA- sexy spider

EQUIUS- A pink pretty pony (unicorn)

GAMZEE- A cloWn (obvious)

ERIDAN- A wizard

FEFERI- A mermaid 

This party is going to rock! I’m in my sexy spider outfit. The ladies are going love me.

Wwhy are wwe evven here? wwhy did I agree to come as a fucking wwizard?

D—> Because highbl00d I said we’d come to that degenerates party

What A Great Idea To Come To His Sex Parties If You Notice All The Trolls Are Wearing Something Inappropriate Notice Some Of Us Are Wearing SFW Costumes

W) (y don’t We split up and ) (ave fun

So that’s what they did. Aradia and Fef went looking for Lanque. Kan, Sol, Eri, Eq, Nep and Gamzee went to dance. Karkat, Tavros and Terezi and Vriska chilled.

Any Ladies Want This Nice Jade Green Dick? Oh, Wait, Sorry, This Jade Green Dick Is Only For My Wife

Ha! Ha! Fuck yeah! This wwizard gots some magical moves. Anyone wwant this hot piece of vviolet meat?

Any troll near Eridan moved away from him. 

Ha, ha! Nobody liike2 you, Eriiturd! Just giive up! Nobody want2 a iincel whiiny wwizard

Fuck you Sol. Nobody wants a piss blood as there matesprite. 

Then why am ii popular wiith everyone? II got AA and CC. Who do you have? Exactly! Nobody! Eat 2pace du2t, lo2er.

:33 Go Equkitty,

D—> Everyone peasant shall bow down to this beautiful pink unicorn with bl00 bl00d

Suddenly Gamzee comes up to Equius. 

D—> Highbl00d, this is very inappropriate. I command you to stop this instance.

CoMe On BrO iT’s A sEx PaRtY tHiS iS ApPrOpRiAtE 

D—> Oh My this is so lewd

MEANWHILE WITH TEREZI, VRISKA, KARKAT AND TAVROS

Y34H! TH1S P4RTY 1S 4W3SOM3!

WILL YOU STOP THAT! THIS PARTY SUCKS! I HATE THIS FUCKING COSTUME! WHO’S IDEA WAS IT TO DRESS ME UP AS A FUCKING PRINCESS?! THIS THONG IS EATING UP MY ASS!

It was Equius’s idea. You look cute Karkat. That dress is literally perfect. 8est idea Equius has ever come up with

yEAH KARKAT YOU LOOK VERY PRETTY

Suddenly MALLEK on a leash crawls past with a dominate Galekh holding the leash.

Come on Mallek. That’s a good boy.

WHAT THE FUCK? IS HE WEARING A BARKBEAST COLLAR?! WHY IS HE ONLY IN A G-STRING! GOG THIS PARTY IS SHIT! I’M OUT OF HERE!

H3 H3 H3 H3 1 LOV3 TH1S P4RTY! H3Y VR1SK4! W4NN4 M4K3 OUT?

Fuck yeah! 

Both Vriska and Terezi Head to a room to make out. Karkat raus for hs life but he tripped over his dress and fell. Kan noticed this

Karkat You Shouldn’t Run Now Look I Have To Apply New Lipstick On You Good Thing Feferi Let Me Borrow This Glittery Fuchsia Lipstick Now Hold Still And Stop Crying You Are Ruining Your Makeup

I HATE YOU

I Love You Too Now Hold Still

Kanaya finishes putting makeup on Karkat. Karkat then wanders off. Marvus suddenly shows up. Marvus is only in hemospectrum colored undies. His nice hairy chest is exposed. It’s been making his fans get massive nose bleeds.

Hey there princess.

OH GREAT ANOTHER CLOWN TURD! I ALREADY HAVE TO DEAL WITH ONE! BACK OFF ASSHOLE I’M 21! 

I’m 22. You enjoying this party? Lanque sure does throw great parties.

Marvus touches the butt.

GET YOUR PURPLE BLOODED ARMS OFF OF MY ASS YOU BITCH ASS CLOWN TURD!

Well you aren’t a very nice princess. 

DO I LOOK LIKE A PRINCESS TO YOU?

Marvus looks at Karkat confused. Karkat is in a puffy frilly pink dress, a tiara and is holding a magical wand. Marvus gives him a wtf look.

Uh, you’re wearing a pink dress and a tiara. I mean come on! 

YEAH? SO? WHY DO YOU CARE? ARE PRINCESSES YOUR THING? YOU WANT ME BADLY YOU BIG BULGED PURPLE BLOODED SHITHEAD?

I mean yes. You’re pretty. I technically can have you. After all I am a member of the highest caste, ignoring the fishies. I know you’re not a highblood but that doesn’t matter. That dress isn’t going to be pretty once I have fun with you. 

COME NEAR ME CLOWN FUCK AND I WILL KICK YOU IN THE BULGE SO HARD! 

So the bucket we will be filling is ♠️ huh. Ok my naughty princess

Karkat makes a run for it. He sees Sollux.

SOLLUX HELP ME! THAT CLOWN TURD IS BOTHERING ME!

!

GIDDY UP GOLDY! TAKE ME AWAY FROM THIS HELL!

get the fuck off of me! 

NO! 

(Sollux throws Karkat off of him). Luckily Marvus is gone. 

I’m so glad you came to my party, loVe.

Porrim told me there’d be booze. 

TO BE CONTINUED 

[laughinglistener]

114 Thoughts I Had While Reading ACOT&R

I’m late to the book party. Again. And after getting inspired by the million random numbered lists on Buzzfeed, I thought I’d entertain all the ACOTAR fans out there with a list of my own. 

Spoilers ahead people!

1. Good lord. Six minutes in and I. AM. CAPTIVATED. And she’s just describing snow?? WHAT IS THIS MAGIC?? 2. Oh my god. Thirty minutes in. Times like these I appreciate being an only child. All that fur and meat would be MINE. 3. ���You can’t chop wood for us, but you want to marry a woodcutter's son??” HA!! YEAH!!! 4. Jeez, she paints too. I already love Feyre. #BadAssFemales 5. Ugh, does Feyre ever dump these sisters? Please say yes. I can’t stand them. 6. OH SHIT STICKS. He just busted in there like the Kool-Aid man.

7. Stop shouting “MURDERERS” wolf boy and use your words. WHAT IS HAPPENING. 8. YES. SHE’S GETTING AWAY FROM THE EVIL SISTERS!! I should NOT be this excited about Feyre getting kidnapped. 9. She kills this guy’s friend and her punishment is living in his crazy opulent mansion?? All right, good to know. Taking notes for a friend...  10. Did… Did wolf boy just turn into Adam from Beauty and the Beast????

11. This Lucien fellow is a sassy ginger and I don’t hate it.  12. Your hair is clean?? Is that flirting????  13. She made a rope trap! This girl is my hero. 14. Hearing that the evil disembodied voice is named “The Bogge” just makes me think of The Bog of Eternal Stench in Labyrinth. “LOOK AT MEEEEE” *Farts*

15. Her father is there?!? Oh god…  16. Ohhhhhh no, it’s a trap. Ohhhhhhh god. Ohhhhhhhhh jeez…  17. I KNEW IT. 18. The image I’m getting in my head of Tamlin is a strange mixture of Wolverine and Beast from the Disney movie. I’m very confusingly into it. 19. Homegirl is just walking around, casually asking how to trap fairy demon creatures. LOVE IT. 20. What is even happening?! She just casually trapped a fairy thing and gave it an interview! THIS BOOK IS AMAZING. OMFG. 21. “Dead chickens, my sagging ass. All you needed to do was offer it a new robe, and it would have groveled at your feet.” OFFICIALLY love Alis 22. Is it just me, or is the whole Tamlin’s-a-high-lord thing not that shocking of a revelation???? 23. “Is this a poem about murdering me and then burning my body?” LOL. I would very much like to hear that poem. 24. Ahhhhh this poor fairy without wings!!! JUST RIP MY HEART OUT. 25. Are you kidding me?!? IF ADAM FROM BEAUTY AND THE BEAST ASKS YOU TO SWIM IN A POOL OF FREAKING STARLIGHT, YOU DO IT!!!!!

26. OF COURSE the sassy ginger is a son to the Autumn court. #Fitting 27. Ahhhh he’s kissing her palm!!!!!! *Holds breath* 28. OH MY GOD, HE LEGIT WROTE POEMS WITH THE WORDS. I’M DYINGGGG!!!!!!  29. Ohhhhhhh god. Oh no. She’s going to the bonfires. Ohhhhhhhhhh lord.... Not good. 30. Ohhhh shiiiiiiiit!!!! The most beautiful man she’s ever seen! That’s always a promising statement in YA books. 31. No idea who the hell this cocky bastard is, but... I LIKE HIM. 32. Wtf??? 

“It will fill him with his sole purpose: to find the Maiden. From their coupling, magic will be released and spread to the earth, where it will regenerate life for the year to come.” 

Ummmmm... I repeat: Wtf????? 33. Hot DAYUM!! High Lord, you are DOING things to me with this little hallway biting display!!

34. SHE’S WEARING A DRESS!!! Ahhhh I’m having such a girl moment! 35. *Sobs* Oh my god, he took her winter painting and it was SO CUTE. MY HEART. IT’S MELTINGGGGGG!!! 36. Feyre acting all outraged at the suggestion of a kiss payment like she hasn’t been wanting it FOR AGES. Gurl, if you don’t kiss him I will. 37. Oh my god, there have been hordes of people around the whole time and she couldn’t see them?!? Ewwwww creepy...... 38. Ahahahaha my gurl is WASTED and it’s amazing. Drunk Feyre is the best! Where can I get me some of that fairy wine?? 39. I CANNOT TAKE THE ADORABLENESS OF THIS DAMN DANCING AND SUNRISE SCENE. *Explodes*

40. This morning after at the breakfast table! SWOON. 41. Whoa, wtf?? We were all so happy two seconds ago. 42. Hmmmmm... I get the feeling this Rhys guy isn’t as douchebaggy as he seems. Partly because I’ve seen too much fanart of him on the internet for Rhys to be a complete asshole. 43. Ohhhhhh crap. 44. Feyre doesn’t know what?! EXPLAIN YOURSELVES. WHAT’S. GOING. ON. 45. Whoa whoa whooooooa!! I take it back, this guy’s an asshat! Back off man!!! He’s stroking HER BRAIN. OMG. 46. Jeeeez did this lunch take a tailspin. Zero to death threats in sixty seconds flat... That should be a coffee mug. 47. Aaaaaaaand Tamlin is tearing up the dining room. Now I’m thinking of Beauty and the Beast again. He’s going all forbidden-west-wing on them. “GET OUUUUTTTTTTT!!!” 48. Ahhhhhh AND THIS is the part where Belle goes home and then has to go back to save Beast from Gaston right?? *Starts singing* “But we’re not coming home ‘till he’s dead! GOOD AND DEAD. KILL THE BEAST!”

49. It is REALLY pissing me off that no one is telling her what’s going on. Even if Feyre is going back home, you can explain what’s going on to help ease the burden!! To better protect herself!!! URGH. 50. Hot DAYUM that love scene!! *Desperately tries to collect self* 51. Awwww he said he loves her! *sobs* 52. I love Lucien. If he turns out to be a bad guy, I’m gonna be pissed. 53. Ewww this is weird. Helloooooooo terrible sisters… 54. Oh my god, Tamlin’s just over here making it rain on Feyre’s entire family. Good lord. 55. She’s giving the money away! YAYY!! I LOVE HER!!! 56. Ohhhhh shit. Poor Nesta. That actually really freaking sucks. 57. Awwww crap, I like her now. I can’t hate Nesta after this. And Elain is a sweetie. DAMN. 58. Wow. I just went from hating to loving Nesta so fast, I have whiplash. 59. Ohhhh crap!! She killed Clare! Bad day. 60. HOW CAN I LOVE NESTA THIS MUCH AFTER HATING HER?!?! 61. YASSSSSS QUEEN!! Ride and go get yo man! YASSSS!!!

62. Holy crap, this Amarantha is one sneaky bitch. Just casually drugging up everyone’s wine to steal all their powers. I am very stressed about meeting her. Very stressed.  63. SHE CARVED OUT HIS EYE WITH HER FINGERNAIL?!?!?!?! Not my Lucien!! 64. What?!?! WHAT?! Andras was out there as a set up to cure the curse?!? WHAT?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW??? I. AM. DYING. OH. MY. FREAKING. GOD.  65. Words cannot describe my absolute love and obsession with Feyre. LIKE SERIOUSLY. 66. Ohhhhh I am very stressed. She’s gonna get busted sneaking around these tunnel caves for sure. 67. Annnnnnnnnnnd there it is. 68. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god… 69. A bargain?!?! No no no no no no no.... 70. THIS ENTIRE THING IS KILLING ME. I AM DEAD. RIP ME. 71. Well. This should be fun to watch. 72. Not gonna lie, the finger eyeball ring is preeeeetty freaking bad ass. Just sayin. *Immediately searches Etsy* 73. Rhysand lied? Lied about which girl he saw in Tamlin’s dining room?? Interesting… 74. NO! LEAVE MY LUCIEN ALONE!! UGGGGGGH. 75. Ummm love?? Is the answer of the riddle love? HELLO. 76. “I took the liberty of learning a few things about you.” Ummmmmm, what the actual hell does that mean??? 77. IT’S A WORM?!?!?!?!? 

78. Come on gurl. KICK ASS!!!! 79. YASSSSS!!! OMG I’M SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW. KILL THE WORM!! *Crazily starts chanting* 80. Rhysand... hmmm... He intrigues me… 81. YEAH!! YES!! SHE DID IT!! OMFG YESS!!!!! 82. Let me guess. Rhysand was the one that bet she would win?? 83. Hahahaha wtf?! 

“For two weeks every month, two weeks of my choosing, you’ll live with me at the Night Court. Starting after this messy three-trials business.” 

Messy three-trials business?!? LOL! Oh my god, I’m back to loving this guy. 84. Tattoo! NICE!! 85. Huh. So the lady of the Autumn court isn’t a complete bitch. Good to know. 86. Why do I love this guy?! Rhys is a turd ball, but I can’t seem to help myself. 87. He has bat wings?!? That’s AWESOME. 88. My belongings?!?! Awwww HELL naw!! I take it back again. SCREW THIS GUY. 89. He gets her drunk and makes her dance?!? WHAT. THE. HELL. NOT MY GURL FEYRE. HELL NO.

90. NOOOOOO!!! Not Lucien!! Oh god! I don’t want to see him impaled. *Bites nails nervously* 91. Ohhhh no!! Poor Feyre! THIS SUCKS!!! 92. SHUT UP LUCIEN!! SHE’LL HAPPILY CHOOSE A LEVER WHEN YOU STOP YELLING AT HER!!! 93. Ugh, that was horrid. 94. Omg Tamlin!! They’re about to get it on in the medieval version of a broom closet.  95. Rhys the cockblocker. 96. Tamlin, just chill the hell out. Rhys was covering for your dumb ass. 97. “One wrong move tomorrow, Feyre, and we’re all doomed.” Oh, great freaking pep talk Rhys!! What a motivator! No pressure or anything. 98. Oh my god, they’re giving her the Hunger Games finger salute!

99. Ugh, poor Feyre. 100. THIS SCENE IS AGONY!!! 101. Uh oh. Amarantha has something else up her sleeve. I am STRESSED Y’ALL. 102. WHAT?!? IT’S TAMLIN????? WHAT?!?!?!? 103. Well hell, I’m confused now. 104. He has a heart of stone?? That sounds... heavy. 105. “‘I love you,’ I said, and stabbed him.” BEST CHAPTER ENDING I’VE EVER READ. 106. Ohhhhh SHIT Amarantha’s pissed! This hissy fit is right out of Housewives of Prythian!! 107. Ahhhh Rhys!! 108. IT WAS LOVE! HA HA!!! I KNEW IT!!!!! I CALLED IT FROM THE START!! HUMAN IGNORANCE MY ASS!! What do I win?! Do I get my own fairy high lord for solving the riddle?? That’s how this works right??? 109. Wait, is Feyre dead?? Is she a ghost now? This out of body ghost thing is all very Hamlet. 110. Whoa, Tamlin stabbed her IN THE HEAD. Effective. 111. Yay! Happy endings!! “But they can never take OUR FREEEEDOMMMMMMM!!!!”

112. Awww Rhysand!! 113. Wait, what? What the hell was that?? Rhysand doesn’t STUMBLE. 114. Book one complete! BOOK TWO. ME NEED NOW. AHHHHHHH!!!! *Froths at the mouth*

[dragonandtiger]

Digimon 00 - Fragments - 33

Ken looked about in wonder at the Gekomon village, completely mystified. Founded over a swamp, the entire village was suspended on wooden bridge-like platforms, with little grass-hut buildings resting neatly upon them. The only solid-looking structure that could be seen for miles was a massive gray shinto-style castle high on a cliff-side hill overlooking a lake, far from the village itself. He scarcely paid mind to the castle, far more intrigued by the village itself and how delicate it appeared, yet the platforms felt solid beneath his feet.

“I guess it makes sense,” Ken said as he stopped to peer over the edge of one of the platform railings, finding to his delight that the water was so clear that he could see small fish of an array of vibrant colors swimming about the reeds. “They are frog Digimon.”

“Do frogs in the real world do anything like this, Ken-chan?” Wormmon asked as he looked up from the water to his partner.”

“That’s…” Ken faltered for a moment. “What I meant was that frogs live on lakes and usually are on lily pads, and that’s what this village kind of looks like.”

“That’s correct,” Bokomon said as he puffed his chest up. “Gekomon Village is a testament to Digimon ingenuity, and-”

“Weee~!” Neemon squealed as he leapt into the water, generating a splash that narrowly missed Ken and Wormmon but completely doused Bokomon from head to toe and sent the fish scattering in all directions.

Bokomon sputtered as he wiped water out of his eyes and glared down at Neemon.

“Neemon has digivolved to Fish Neemon!” Neemon said as he paddled around before laughing some more.

Ken giggled. “Congratulations, Neemon!”

Wormmon laughed along with his partner, his heart light as air. After everything that had happened, he was glad to see Ken smiling again. Returning to the Digital World had done him a world of good.

Ryo glanced over to Ken and the three small Digimon before his eyes trailed upward, to the looming castle on the hill. He and the rest of their group stood slightly apart near one of the bridges. “So, who lives there?”

“That would be TonosamaGekomon,” Nyamon said as she looked up at the castle as well.

“The pathetic turd of a Digimon we’re here to see,” FlaWizarmon said, flashing Ryo a grin.

Ken blinked before he turned to stare at FlaWizarmon, stunned by his words. “Huh?”

“That name sounds familiar,” Leomon said, arms folded stoically across his chest. “I believe the other Chosen Children may have encountered him in the past.”

Keiko sighed as she rubbed at her temple. “We’ve dealt with him before too. More than once.”

“He’s your typical bully,” Nyamon said with a shrug.

“Yep!” FlaWizarmon agreed. “Arrogant, loud, entitled, and opportunistic. There’s a reason he and KingChessmon have been at war for so long.”

Witchmon flashed a toothy smile at Ryo and Ken. “Because KingChessmon is also arrogant, loud, entitled, and opportunistic.”

“We’ve dealt with him before too,” Keiko huffed, folding her arms across her chest. “Hopefully we won’t have to deal with both of those idiots while we’re here.”

“TonosamaGekomon once had a temper tantrum nap over losing at karaoke to KingChessmon,” FlaWizarmon said as he tapped his chin. “Everythin’ was peaceful for a while, thanks to that.”

“A… temper tantrum… nap?” Ken repeated, slowly.

“One that lasted for quite a number of years,” Witchmon added cheerfully.

“That’s some nap,” Wormmon muttered, a drop of sweat dripping down the back of his head.

“But all good things come to an end at some point, dontcha know,” FlaWizarmon said with a sigh. “The Gekomon forgot how bad they had it when the turd was awake, so they got someone to snap him outta his self-imposed coma.” He paused to shake his head. “An’ now he’s up an’ runnin’ again… and the feud with it.”

Ken furrowed his brow, feeling a pang for the Gekomon. The idea that they were getting dragged into a war that wasn’t of their own choosing was horrifying, to say the least. “That’s… awful.”

Keiko gently ruffled Ken’s hair and flashed him a smile as he blinked up at her. “That’s one reason why we’re here. Sometimes certain Digimon need a reminder that there are consequences to bullying others.”

“Who knows?” Nyamon said as she turned her gaze back to the castle. “Maybe having to rebuild his castle after getting his ass kicked mellowed him out - especially after getting sent to the Village of Beginnings by the Dark Masters.”

“I doubt it,” Keiko said with a snort as her smile faded away. “Lessons never last long with Digimon like him.”

FlaWizarmon let out a thoughtful hum before he glanced over to Ken. “Ken-chan, why don’t you stay in Gekomon Village with Wormmon, Neemon, and Bokomon, while we pay ol’ TonosamaGekomon a visit?”

“Huh?” Ken blinked. “Why?”

“It’s just stuffy politics, that’s all,” FlaWizarmon said with a shrug. “Pretty borin’, if I do say so myself. Gekomon Village is much more interestin’~!”

“Plus TonosamaGekomon has absolutely no volume control,” Witchmon sighed before pulling out a couple ear plugs from somewhere in her cloak. “It’s not fun trying to talk someone down while you’ve got to have a couple of these things in, you know.”

Ken hesitated before reluctantly nodding. “Okay.” He had a feeling there was another reason for the suggestion, but decided against pressing the issue. He wasn’t too keep on meeting a bully, anyway.

Wormmon schooled his expression to hide how his spirits dipped. It was obvious what their friends were doing; it was a sore reminder of his weakness. Still, he wasn’t about to say anything, as Ken’s safety mattered far more to him than his wounded pride.

FlaWizarmon turned to give Bokomon a pointed stare, who jumped before turning to face Ken.

“Come, young Kindness!” Bokomon said as he gently took Ken’s arm and began leading him onwards. Ken stumbled a step as Bokomon pulled him along, but was quick to catch up. “You simply must try the local cuisine!”

“You’ll love it!” Neemon said as he climbed out of the water and hurried after the two. “It’s made with real flies!”

Ken jerked at that. “What!?”

“G-gross,” Wormmon said with a grimace.

“The hell it is!” Bokomon turned back to hotly snap at Neemon. “Don’t put strange ideas in young Kindness’ head!”

Ryo waited as Bokomon and Neemon wandered off with Ken and Wormmon, before he finally glanced to Keiko. “So… why, exactly are we leaving Ken behind?” he asked quietly.

Keiko leaned in close to speak lowly in Ryo’s ear so that Ken wouldn’t overhear. “TonosamaGekomon is a giant pervert and Ken-chan is way too cute.”

“A precious cinnamon roll,” Witchmon agreed, with a smile.

“Wait, but what about y…” Ryo trailed off at noticing Keiko’s piercing red stare. “Nevermind.”

Keiko held up a fist as the light dimmed around her hand. “You become a lot less cute to a pervert when you can destroy his crotch with a single punch.”

Instinctively, Ryo crossed his legs and cringed. Even Leomon’s stoic expression cracked with a grimace while FlaWizarmon’s smile faltered just a touch.

Nyamon’s eyes flashed dangerously as a wicked smile appeared on her lips. “And that’s not even going into what I did to him for trying.”

“S-sorry I asked,” Ryo muttered.

Keiko relaxed and lowered her hand as the light around it returned to normal. “Plus, KingChessmon might charge in there to pick a fight again, and he’s just as big a pervert.”

“‘Sides,” FlaWizarmon said as he pulled the brim of his hat down. “It’s better Ken-chan not be there… just in case.”

“In case of what?” Leomon asked as he arched his eyebrows.

“In case TonosamaGekomon has already decided to side with Millenniumon, or is considering it and isn’t willing to see reason,” Nyamon replied. “While he’s fairly arrogant and would typically reject the idea of serving another, if he thinks he can gain from from it in any way…”

“Such as, y’know, certain promises - like aid against the Chessmon,” FlaWizarmon piped in. “Well, it might just convince him that there’s an opportunity to take advantage of.”

Witchmon waved her finger in circles beside her head as her ghostly cat drifted above her hat in a similar motion. “The rumors floating around at least hint that he might be getting offers. It might just be all talk, but I don’t think it’ll hurt to remind TonosamaGekomon to behave.”

Leomon blinked slowly before he furrowed his brow. “And if he is interested in an alliance?”

Nyamon gave the lion Digimon and Ryo a vicious, toothy grin. “He’ll be too busy being reborn to cause trouble.”

Ryo grimaced as he rubbed the back of his head. He was never going to be comfortable with killing, even if the Digimon deleted would be reborn afterward. “In that case, Ken definitely shouldn’t go.”

“‘Xactly,” FlaWizarmon said, cheerfully.

“Like we said,” Witchmon chirped as her hands came together. “He’s a precious cinnamon roll.”

Nyamon nodded before she turned her attention to the castle, her expression grim. “Alright then, let’s go see TonosamaGekomon.”

---

The interior of TonosamaGekomon’s castle was dreary, to say the least. With its bland gray stone walls and floors and sparse decoration, there was barely any color to brighten the atmosphere. The expressions on the Gekomon that loitered about were similarly dreary, offering no commentary or resistance as they simply watched the Chosen Children and their entourage as they marched right into the palace throne room.

The throne room was a stark contrast to the rest of the castle. Every wall offered up banners, hanging scrolls, and paintings, while statues and vases so ornate they practically bordered on tacky cluttered the sides of the room, giving little space for the retainer Gekomon to bow on the tatami mat floor. Far at the end of the lofty, overly adorned room rested the imperial seat. Beneath silk drapes, gilded statues, and gold trimmings, the massive throne made of stone was positively modest as it supported a bloated frog the size of a two storey building with tuba pipes sticking out of his back.

TonosamaGekomon practically choked on the cup of sake he had been drinking as he spotted the Chosen. “You!”

Keiko paused to give an ironic wave and a wicked smile. “Good afternoon, pervert. Remember me?”

TonosamaGekomon tossed his cup aside, glaring down at Keiko with the revulsion of a homeowner watching a band of cockroaches invade. “As if I could forget. You have a lot of nerve waltzing into my land so casually, you little tease.”

“An’ you got a lotta nerve takin’ that tone with Lady Keiko,” FlaWizarmon replied, cheerfully. “So we’re even~!”

Ryo blinked before he turned questioningly at Keiko. “Tease?”

Keiko’s expression deadpanned as she jerked a thumb at TonosamaGekomon as she swished her skirt. “I wouldn’t serve him sake or sing for him even though I happen to be a girl in a pretty dress.”

Nyamon rolled her eyes, her mouth twisting in distaste. “He acted like it was a crime against nature.”

Ryo grimaced. “Ah. I see.”

Keiko looked around at the gathered Gekomon as they kept their troubled faces bowed close to the floor. Scowling, she turned her sharp red eyes to the tyrant on the throne. “You’ve been bullying the Gekomon and Otamamon again.”

TonosamaGekomon paused at that, a war between pride and fear warring on his face before his nostrils flared. “I am their king, and they will do as I say. There is no bullying involved.”

Ryo looked around at the Digimon forced to serve TonosamaGekomon as well. He could see how they were afraid to look up from the ground, occasionally cringing and twitching whenever the giant frog’s voice rose. The obvious injustice sent a rush of anger through him. “They don’t look like you’re treating them well at all.”

Witchmon cradled her cheek in one of her large hands. “Oh my, oh my. So it would seem, Lord Ryo. I guess TonosamaGekomon still hasn’t learned his lesson from last time. Maybe he needs another lesson~?”

TonosamaGekomon turned his focus to Ryo, narrowing his eyes, though he kept warily glancing at Keiko and Nyamon. “These Gekomon are my servants, I treat them precisely how they deserve to be treated, and they in turn respect me as their ruler and want my rule. I am beyond the reproach of some humans.”

“Naw, I’m pretty sure Lord Ryo an’ Lady Keiko can reproach you as much as they like,” FlaWizarmon said, with a shrug, before his grin grew menacing. “So you might wanna tone it down, ya get me?”

Witchmon flashed a smile full of spiked teeth at the giant frog. “And about that ‘wanting you to rule’ part… Turns out there’s a lot of word going around about the Gekomon and Otamamon having ‘buyers remorse’ about the whole thing.”

TonosamaGekomon bristled. “How dare you!”

“Be quiet,” Keiko said, her sharp eyes cutting massive Digimon down to size. “We already told you how you should be treating the Gekomon and Otamamon. Cut the crap out and stop abusing your power over them. Now.”

TonosamaGekomon went silent, his body going rigid as he tried to meet Keiko’s gaze and overpower it with a glare of his own. However, he couldn’t even last a minute before he seemed to deflate, his mouth pulling tight in a grimace. Although he refused to speak, he bowed his head and turned his eyes to the floor.

“Thought so.” Nyamon said, with a snap of her tail.

“Things have already gotten off to a wonderful start,” Leomon said, keeping his voice low as he looked at Ryo. “Whether it’s all bluster or not remains to be seen, but it does feel like a fight is inevitable.”

Ryo nodded, his expression grim.

“So, you seem to have recovered well enough after getting assassinated,” Witchmon said as she pressed her fingertips together. “Right back to fighting with the Chessmon, are we, dearie?”

TonosamaGekomon recovered surprisingly quick as he rose from his throne, puffing up his chest until he looked like a balloon. “Of course! Those fools won’t stop encroaching on my land, and even have the audacity to cheat at karaoke! I’ll make him rue the day he trifled with me!”

“What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is also mine,” FlaWizarmon said, with a smile.

Ryo stared at TonosamaGekomon, dumbfounded, before he turned to Keiko. “How do you cheat at karaoke?”

Keiko shrugged. “You unplug your opponent’s microphone.”

“Oh, is that what happened?” Witchmon asked as she tilted her head back and tapped her lower lip. “I heard that TonosamaGekomon lost because he turned up the volume of the speakers past max and wailed so loud he blew up the electronics. Something about drowning out the competition means you win? If his microphone was unplugged, well that explains it! His voice was too soft and dulcet to be heard, I’m sure. Just listen to it now!” She patted her palm against her ear. “I’m only half deaf from it!”

“Quite frankly, I don’t think either of ‘em could sing if their lives depended on it,” FlaWizarmon said, with a shrug. “So the only winners are those lucky enough not stuck listenin’!”

“Lies, lies, all lies!” TonosamaGekomon snapped as he slammed his foot down over and over, causing the castle itself to quake. The Gekomon shrieked and immediately scattered from their king, but the Chosen remained firm in the face of such a tantrum. “No doubt you’ve been listening to that lying cur, KingChessmon! I would have won, and he knows it! My voice has no equal!”

Ryo’s brow furrowed as he stared at the frog Digimon, feeling rather at a loss. “That’s a rather petty reason to go to war…”

“When death is nothing but a painful inconvenience, Digimon tend to not need a good reason to go to war,” Nyamon said, flicking her ear.

Keiko sighed and put a hand on her hip, her rigid demeanor softening just slightly from fatigue. “Why do you think so many Digimon go right back to their evil ways after we execute them for their crimes? It’s a punishment that sets them back for a while more than anything else.”

Ryo rubbed his face with both hands and slowly shook his head. “I’m never going to get used to that.”

“Good,” Nyamon said. “You shouldn’t.”

“Anyway,” FlaWizarmon said, raising his voice to prevent the conversation from derailing. “So I reckon yer real busy then? Real busy? Far too busy to stick yer froggy nose in other people’s wars?”

TonosamaGekomon froze at that. He was silent for a moment before he burst out in loud, condescending - and above all unconvincing - laughter. “H-how ridiculous! As if I would ever have any interest in serving another!”

FlaWizarmon tilted his head as he quirked an eyebrow before sharing a look with Witchmon. “Yeah.” He focused on TonosamaGekomon with a narrow gaze. “The thought’s just totally ridiculous, right?”

“Completely!” TonosamaGekomon said a little too quickly. “What an absurd question! You’ve clearly wasted not only your time, but mine as well! As if I have nothing better to do than answer such a ridiculous question!”

“‘Cuz there ain’t no way you’d ever get offered anything that might make ya consider a temporary alliance,” FlaWizarmon said, his smile widening. “That just ain’t gonna happen.”

TonosamaGekomon flinched before he puffed out his chest, making his massive body look even bigger. “Ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous!”

“Right,” Witchmon said with a giggle. “Totally ridiculous~!”

“Just as ridiculous as you forgetting to treat the Gekomon and Otamamon with kindness?” Keiko cut in with a dangerous edge to her voice.

TonosamaGekomon jerked, perspiring a bit for a moment before letting out an annoyed exhale. A smile twisted at his lips as he forced a faux friendly attitude that was as transparent as a clear pond. “Perhaps I may have been a touch too harsh with my subjects, but you have reminded what true kindness is and all that. I’ll be sure to keep my lessons to heart as their one and only ruler who will never bow down to any Digimon. You can leave now and not give me or my subjects a second thought.”

Ryo grimaced. There was no doubt that their misgivings were correct. The rapidfire lies TonosamaGekomon spat out not only revealed it all, they cringeworthy to listen to, especially due to how loud and booming the giant frog’s voice was. He inched closer to Keiko and whispered near her ear. “What should we-”

“L-Lord TonosamaGekomon! Lord TonosamaaaaaaGekomon!”

The Chosen immediately turned to watch as a Gekomon ran into the throne room and past the group with arms flailing, going so fast in his blind panic that he kept nearly falling over his own webbed feet.

“T-t-the Chessmon are attacking the town!” the Gekomon croaked out before he fell to his knees in front of their king. “S-s-save us!”

“What!?” TonosamaGekomon thundered before he whirled to face the Chosen as his face turned red with anger. “You! Is this your doing!? Did you come to serve as a distraction!?”

“Nice change of topic, croaky,” FlaWizarmon said, pulling down the brim of his hat over his eyes.

“Ken-chan’s in danger!” Nyamon said as she turned to Keiko, her ears canting back.

“T-that’s right!” Ryo said, his eyes wide. “We left Ken in town!”

“Witchmon!” Keiko shouted as she turned to the witch. “Take us back, quick!”

“You got it, dearie!” Witchmon said, drawing up her cape. With a flick of the fabric, the Chosen disappeared, leaving behind only the haunting cry of her ghostly cat behind.

TonosamaGekomon glared at where the humans had once been, his expression severe. His bulbous eyes swept the room for any sign of the Chosen before he let out a low, dangerous croak. He turned his attention to the Gekomon that trembled at his feet. “Let Millenniumon know-”

A matchstick the size of a sword with a tip that burned with blue flames struck TonosamaGekomon in the cheek. With a sickening crunch and a choked croak, his head flew off his shoulders. His face was one of bewilderment before the flames engulfed his head and reduced it to data before it even hit the floor, with his bloated body exploding into nothingness shortly after.

FlaWizarmon grinned as he twirled his matchstick, then fixed his gaze on the horrified Gekomon. His piercing gaze lingered for a moment until the frog dropped to its belly in a bow in supplication. FlaWizarmon twirled another oversized match idly in his hand as he walked past the empty throne. He watched the Gekomon cringe as he approached and paused just behind the cowering frog. “Let Millenniumon know that we’ll be fixin’ his ass soon enough, too.”

The Gekomon let out a squeak of a croak, barely managing to respond to the order. “Y-y-yes, sir.”

FlaWizarmon exhaled, noting the irony of the fear he had instilled in one of TonasamaGekomon’s subjects as he walked away, his footsteps echoing through the castle that lost its king.

---

Chaos greeted the Chosen Children when they reappeared in the heart of the village, as Gekomon fled screaming towards the castle. Some hurried across the bridgeways while others opted to leap directly into the water, abandoning land for the security of the lake.

The group barely paid the fleeing Digimon any mind, instead racing towards the last place they saw Ken and the rest of their friends. Nyamon quickly darted ahead, much faster than the rest of the crew, as she all but shoved panicking frogs out of her way.

“We left Ken somewhere around here!” Nyamon shouted to be heard above the din.

“He’s with Bokomon and Neemon,” Leomon said. “So, they should-”

Leomon gave a start as two blurs passed him by, and he turned his head just in time to see the backside of Bokomon and Neemon while they flailed and screamed like the Gekomon as they retreated without much dignity.

“...Be completely useless~!” Witchmon said, with far more cheer than the mood called for as she pressed her fingertips together.

Ryo whirled to gawk after the fleeing Digimon. “Bokomon?!”

Bokomon gave a jerk at his name and stumbled forward, tripping on a board before landing on his face. Grimacing, he pushed himself upwards and glanced back, relief washing over him as he spotted his friends. “L-Lord Miracles! L-Lady Darkness! O-oh, t-thank goodness!”

FlaWizarmon appeared in a burst of black flames just in time for Neemon to race right past him, squealing and flailing while bumping into every Gekomon and sending them flying along the way. He wasn’t sure whether to be amused or disappointed, but he didn’t pause to think about it for long as he turned to Bokomon. “Where’s Ken-chan?”

“O-oh, it’s awful! Simply awful!” Bokomon wailed as climbed back to his feet, beginning to bawl. “Th-they’ve taken young Kindness!”

“What!?” Ryo shouted as he instinctively drew closer to Bokomon. “Where is he? What happened?”

The air darkened around Keiko as ferocity consumed her and twisted her expression into a promise of death and destruction. A quick look around was enough for her to judge where the Gekomon were fleeing from and that was where she ran, with Nyamon already racing two steps ahead of her.

FlaWizarmon’s eyebrows shot straight up before his expression darkened, and he looked up just in time to see a Keiko and Nyamon charge right into the chaos. He clenched his fists so hard they quaked before he took off after them.

Witchmon lingered a bit longer than her partner and pulled her broom down closer to Ryo. “Hop on, dearie. We’ve got to jet.”

Ryo had barely started moving when he saw the others running, but was quick to obey. As he held on tightly to Witchmon’s back, the present faded beneath the terrible memory of blood and Ken standing above him screaming as Piemon’s attack hit home. If it wasn’t for him, for the sake of protecting him, his best friend would never have been injured, never fell into a coma. He swore he’d never allow such a terrible thing to happen again, and yet… “Damn it!”

“Let us hurry!” Leomon said, snapping Ryo back to the present as he brought up the rear, his expression grim.

As they rushed towards the danger, the Chosen Children and their fighting entourage soon found themselves encountering an entire army Digimon that all resembled chess pieces. True to expectations, the most numerous of the attackers were white and black Digimon resembling pawns with arms and legs attached - aptly named PawnChessmon. The PawnChessmon chased after the fleeing Gekomon with spears, chasing their fleeing opponents across bridges and breaking down doors of every hut they came across.

One of the white PawnChessmon noticed the Chosen rushing towards them and immediately turned to face them, holding his spear threateningly. “Halt-”

Nyamon cut the PawnChessmon off with a fist to his face, crumpling his armor inwward and shattering him into data upon impact. She flew forward through the cloud of digital dust, landing on her feet before she crouched and glared at the other PawnChessmon as many stopped their carnage to stare in horror at the felling of their comrade.

“Return Ken or die.” Nyamon growled, baring her fangs, as her teeth blazed with fires so brilliant and deadly that her opponents recoiled at the mere sight of her.

The army of PawnChessmon stepped back, glancing at each other anxiously. While numerous, they were still Child level Digimon and completely unprepared for real resistance - especially that of Nyamon’s calibur, let alone the rest of her comrades.

“Looks like ya’ll weren’t prepared for a real fight,” FlaWizarmon said, with a vicious grin as he twirled his large matchsticks in his hands like batons. “That’s just too damn bad, ain’t it?”

“No one else has to die if you return Ken-chan safely to us~!” Witchmon practically sang as she hovered high above the throng on her broom. Her ephemeral black cat crouched in her lap, baring its teeth and hissing at the assembled Digimon. “But if you’ve harmed even a single hair on his sweet little head…” Her smile widened to reveal many teeth that were far too sharp.

Keiko raised her hand enshrouded by darkness to the cowering army, her red eyes blazing with murder. “Bring Ken-chan back. Now.”

“Where is he?!” Ryo demanded. “Where’s Ken!?”

“You would do well to answer, if you value your lives!” Leomon said as he clenched a fist, aiming it at the nervous army of Child Digimon.

The PawnChessmon looked at each other anxiously as they shuffled about, attempting to regain their composure by finding safety in numbers, though it was clear that none of them was entirely willing to place their faith in it. Just when it seemed like they would abandon their ranks and flee, a voice came from behind them.

“You are brazen, I will give you that,” a Chessmon wearing black bishop robes said as he strode through the pawns to meet the Chosen’s hostile stares. “And incredibly foolish.” He directed his sceptre at the Chosen. “To side with the Gekomon over the clearly superior Chessmon is nothing more than the height of foolishness.”

“We didn’t side with nobody,” FlaWizarmon said, with an easy-going smile that did nothing to dilute his threatening stare. “Seems you lot are the ones pickin’ the fight by takin’ one of our own - who yer gonna return immediately.”

“If you are referring to the princess that you left behind, that’s entirely your own fault,” BishopChessmon said with unwavering calm. “Only a fool leaves a princess unattended in a warzone.”

“Princess?” Ryo repeated slowly, furrowing his brow.

“Ho boy,” Witchmon muttered. “This is sounding a little too familiar…”

Keiko felt her stomach twist as she realized the awful truth. “Ken-chan!”

“The princess is now a guest of KingChessmon himself,” BishopChessmon declared, with great authority in his voice. “And he shall remain so.”

“The hell he will,” FlaWizarmon growled, narrowing his eyes.

BishopChessmon lifted his hand in a beaconing gesture. “Then come! For only over my dead body shall-”

The blinding light of evolution cut him off, as Nyamon was soon replaced by Nyxmon. The angel Digimon fixed her blazing eyes on BishopChessmon, her wings fanned in a threatening display as the PawnChessmon all began to panic at the sight of the Ultimate Digimon before them.

Nyxmon’s lips curled up into a feral snarl as she brandished her scythe. “As - you - wish.”

---

Ken had never seen so much pink before in his life. A big pink bed with white frill sat in a room with pink furniture, white and pink curtains, dark pink carpet, and light pink wallpaper. Pink plushies of all adorable shapes and sizes rested everywhere along with pink flowers and ribbons tied in ever increasingly complicated bows. Even the white was starting to look pink when next to so much of it, creating the most stereotypical girly girl room that had ever existed.

And Ken couldn’t figure out for the life of him why he was now locked within that room. He sat on the bed, holding Wormmon protectively in his lap as he took a long look at his surroundings, trying to make sense of it all. Everything happened so fast, with the sudden appearance of walking chess pieces rushing in and terrorizing the Gekomon to suddenly being whisked away by said strange armored Digimon. It took everything he had just to keep his hold on Wormmon, so that they didn’t get separated.

“It’s okay, Ken-chan,” Wormmon said, too sullen to feign cheer. “I’ll protect you.” The words felt hollow, even to him. But then, it was hard to be confident when his attacks were straight out ignored as both he and his partner were carted away. He may as well not have even been there, for all the good he did.

Ken looked down at Wormmon and tightened his grip on his partner, hugging the depressed Digimon close. “I… I’m sure the others will be looking for us. We just need to wait until they get here.”

Wormmon couldn’t respond, both his head and antennae drooping. If he had been a better partner, then Ken wouldn’t need to wait for the others. Ken wouldn’t have been kidnapped in the first place.

Ken returned his attention to the room, furrowing his brow as he ran his fingers along the fluffy pink sheets, sinking down a bit in the bed due to its extreme softness. The mattress felt more like a giant pillow than a proper bed. “Still, it’d be nice to know what’s going on. I mean, it’s better than a cell, but-”

At that moment, the door to the bedroom opened, causing Ken to jump. He whirled to stare as a white armored BishopChessmon, entered the room. He tensed up, watching the large Digimon scan the room before focusing directly on him.

Ken felt a chill up his spine at the BishopChessmon and held Wormmon protectively close. “What… what do you want?” He tried to keep his voice from breaking, to show less fear than he felt, but didn’t quite succeed.

“His Highness wishes for you to join him for dinner,” the BishopChessmon said, his tone and stance purely business. He paused before his eyes flicked over Ken from head to toe before focusing on the child’s suspicious face once more. “When you are dressed more appropriately, of course.”

“Dinner? What…?” Ken began before he paused and furrowed his brow. “What? What’s wrong with how I’m dressed?”

“It is not quite… befitting a princess,” BishopChessmon said. He then gestured towards the large armoire by the wall with his sceptre. “A large selection of appropriate gowns and accessories have been provided for you. Please wear whatever you like.” He paused for a moment before gesturing to Ken. “Except for that.”

Ken blinked at that before his eyebrows shot up. “What?” He then quickly shook his head. “But I’m a boy!”

BishopChessmon didn’t even blink. “That is irrelevant.”

“Irre… how is it irrelevant!?” Ken demanded to know. “It’s the truth!”

“His Majesty has decreed you to be a princess, and thus a princess you are above all else,” BishopChessmon said. “And princesses wear dresses.”

“Princesses are girls!” Ken retorted.

“And yet you are both a princess and a boy,” BishopChessmon said, sagely. “Therefore, your assumption is incorrect.”

“That’s not… that’s not how it works!” Ken protested as he stood up, wobbling a bit due to the softness of the bed. He clutched Wormmon tight so as not to lose his grip on his partner as he tried to regain his balance before straightening up. “I’m not a princess!” He freed a hand to make a sweeping gesture for emphasis, only to yelp when he nearly fell over.

“Ken-chan is right!” Wormmon protested. Though he wasn’t entirely sure why Ken was right, he would not hesitate to support his partner.

“You are a princess,” BishopChessmon said, firmly. “And you will dress appropriately for your dinner with His Majesty, KingChessmon.”

Ken grabbed onto the bedpost for stability and held Wormmon close, inwardly glad that this was a canopy bed, then fixed BishopChessmon with a glare. “I’m not putting on a dress and I’m not going to ‘dinner’ with anyone!” he snapped. “It’s not happening!”

“Stop telling Ken-chan what to do and let us go!” Wormmon shouted. “I won’t let you bully Ken-chan!”

BishopChessmon outright ignored Wormmon as he met Ken’s glare with a cool, piercing stare of his own. He spoke not a word, but instead drew closer, looming over Ken and Wormmon, letting his size and his evolutionary status speak volumes of his power over weak human and Child Digimon.

Ken fought to maintain his glare, but unease crept in until he instinctively began to inch backwards, only to stop himself when he noticed. The way BishopChessmon stared at him left him feeling utterly powerless, reminding him keenly that of all the Chosen, he was the absolutely weakest one. However, in spite of this, he refused to yield. A bully like this Digimon would never be more terrifying than the ones in his own family. “The answer is still no!”

BishopChessmon’s gaze didn’t waver, his unrelenting eyes bearing down on the Chosen of Kindness. While he said nothing, his eyes perfectly communicated his demand that the child yield to his king’s wishes.

“I… I said no!” Ken insisted as he began to fidget, holding Wormmon close. “I’m not a princess!”

“Ken… Ken-chan doesn’t have to wear a dress if he doesn’t want to!” Wormmon shouted, trying to appear a lot braver than he felt.

BishopChessmon was unmoved by Ken’s refusal, still looming over the human child. He pointedly ignored Wormmon, as if the Digimon wasn’t even present, as he kept his gaze firmly on Ken.

Ken felt beads of sweat begin to trickle down the back of his neck. The longer BishopChessmon stared at him, the more he felt the oppressive demand of his much larger and stronger captor. As moments ticked by, the overbearing silence only served to assert even more pressure on not just the Chosen of Kindness, but Wormmon as well, who wilted in Ken’s arms. Even though the Perfect level Digimon never said a word, his very stance was oppressive and only emphasized his demands and that Ken submit without further resistance.

It was too much for Ken in the end. BishopChessmon’s very presence was a powerful threat over him. So powerful, in fact, that it completely crushed his resistance under its weight.

With a heavy heart and a grimace twisting his mouth, Ken slid off the bed and shuffled his way towards the closet, back bowed in defeat. Without a word, he gazed over the array of neatly arranged pink dresses and reluctantly looked for the least humiliating one to wear for his “date” with the king.

---

The walk through the palace halls was made with shuffling, wobbly steps, as Ken kept his sullen gaze fixed on the floor. He moved slow not just out of protest, but because not a single pair of shoes in that room had heels lower than five centimeters, and BishopChessmon had insisted that the abomination he was wearing had all the proper accessories. Sneakers, it turned out, simply did not pair well with a taffeta ballgown, even if the skirt was long enough that he had to use one hand to keep it raised enough that he wouldn’t trip over it as he walked. Wormmon had offered to help him hold the frilly folds of silk at bay, but Ken refused and kept him close to his chest.

As mortified as Ken was, with cheeks darker than any shade of pink on his dress, he did not want to let go of Wormmon for a second in this place.

The ballgown was a humiliating array of overbearing pinks in varying shades, with only a spot of white being the occasional frill here and there providing the only sort of reprieve from the overwhelming pinkness. The fabric hung unflatteringly over his body, tied into place only by many pink ribbons that did nothing to hide how bumpy and frumpy it was. A heavy necklace of jewels and matching tiara weighed heavily on his head and neck. He was only relieved that he managed to avoid wearing any of the earrings by informing BishopChessmon that his ears were not, in fact, pierced.

The only relief Ken could find was that he had been allowed to wear his actual clothes underneath the dress. Why he couldn’t also wear his sneakers mystified him, and BishopChessmon stonewalled any argument he made, citing that a princess had to be “properly accessorized” for dinner with a king. Still, at the very least he had Wormmon keeping a tight grip on his sneakers as they marched slowly through the castle.

The instant Ken saw an opportunity, he was going to ditch the ghastly pink monstrosity and flee with his partner, preferably by throwing the stupid heels in BishopChessmon’s face before he tripped on them and broke his neck..

“I’m not a princess, you know,” Ken grumbled for what felt like the hundredth time.

“As you say, Princess Ken.” BishopChessmon replied.

Ken made an irritated noise in the back of his throat.

“It’s okay, Ken-chan,” Wormmon said softly as he looked up at his partner. “We’ll get out of this.”

Ken nodded slightly as he glared sullenly at the floor. He continued to walk, his eyes boring holes in the fancy linoleum for most of the trip. He only looked up again once he saw ornate red carpeting and the edges of a grand doorway.

When Ken looked up, the sight of a massive banquet room greeted him, one far larger and more extravagant than it had any business being. With diamond chandeliers, golden furniture, and dishes made with every kind of precious metal and jewel known to man, he had to squint his eyes against the glare of all the glittering garish scenery. To give his eyes a reprieve from all the light shining at him, he focused away from the tables and past the many PawnChessmon servants scurrying about to place dishes of, admittedly, delicious smelling food onto the large table. The floors outside of the overly ornate red and gold carpeting was a floor made of stone in a black and white chessboard pattern, each tile marbled and framed in gold. The walls, by contrast, were surprisingly plain - save for the countless portraits and tapestries of some giant armored figure with a muscular physique wearing a crown doing random glorifying things, such as slaying a dragon or fighting an army single-handed.

“W-wow…” Ken muttered.

“It is splendid, isn’t it?” BishopChessmon said, a note of pride in his voice.

“More like gaudy,” Ken whispered to Wormmon, who nodded vigorously in agreement.

A pair of trumpets blasted Ken’s eardrums as various PawnChessmon lined up on either side of the doorway suddenly began to play. He yowled and reflexively brought up the skirt to cover one of his ears as he pulled Wormmon close. The audio assault only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to make him barely hear one of them boisterously announce, “Announcing Princess Ken!”

Cringing, Ken stumbled forward two steps before he whirled towards PawnChessmon, his ears still ringing. “W-what was that-”

Unfortunately, Ken had forgotten about his precarious balancing situation, and one of the heels snagged on the edge of the dress after it fluttered about his feet. With a cry, he tripped and fell backwards, losing his hold on Wormmon.

“Ken-chan!” Wormmon cried out in alarm as he tumbled into his partner’s lap, but his cry was drowned out by another blare of the trumpets.

“Announcing, or most esteemed majesty, KingChessmon!” the PawnChessmon shouted, oblivious to Ken’s fall or his pain.

Ken groaned from the pain throbbing in his head more than the one in his rump, and covered his ears with a grimace as he sat up, struggling with the confining pink monstrosity wrapped around him, kicking the damned heels off in the process. Wormmon dropped the sneakers in favor of helping his partner fight off the pink menace, though his digits were far more clumsy than hands when faced with so many knotted ribbons.

BishopChessmon held an expression made of stone as he plucked Ken up off the ground by the back of his dress and set him delicately onto his feet. Only then did he finally speak. “Princess, you should hurry up and put your shoes back on. You must look presentable for His Majesty.”

Ken shot BishopChessmon a glare that could melt glass.

In Ken’s mind, a king was someone as big and grand as the figure depicted in the portraits of the banquet hall. The tiny Digimon that entered with pomp, circumstance, and a shower of rose petals thrown by his subordinates was anything but that. KingChessmon was a ridiculous, tiny Digimon, only taller than Ken due to the long pointy prongs on his crown. He was practically a caricature of the figure in the paintings. It was obvious from his giant scepter to his medals to his long flowing cape that he was trying to be an intimidating figure in his pristine white and gold armor, but little black mustache that appeared to be cut out of a piece of posterboard pasted to the front of his helmet ruined any chance of taking him seriously.

“Ah, Princess Chosen Child!” KingChessmon said in an awkward tone that made Ken think of when some of the boys in his class tried to pretend to be adults and mistook a mature tone for crackling gravel. “So nice of you to accept our invitation!”

Ken scowled as he defiantly put his real shoes back on, only looking across the banquet hall when KingChessmon spoke. He returned his attention to shoving his feet in his sneakers, only to quickly turn back around and stare at the strange Digimon addressing him. “I… you didn’t give me much of a choice…”

KingChessmon failed to react to Ken’s muttering, but instead strode forward with a confident gait… for exactly four steps before he darted forward at top speed, his armored feet clanking rapidly across the tiled floor. He crossed the long span of the dining room in seconds and leaned in far too close, head bobbing up and down and darting about Ken to examine the boy from all angles. “Oh ho, oh ho! Such a cutie you are! We knew a princess from another world would be a fine prize for a king like ourselves!”

Ken jerked back from the sudden invasion of his personal space, eyes wide in alarm. After stepping backwards to give himself breathing room, he forced himself to gather his courage, straightening up with a grimace in the face of such a strange Digimon. “I-I’ve been saying this whole time, I’m not a princess!”

KingChessmon jumped, stunned. “What? You’re not? That can’t be!” He darted around Ken, scrutinizing the boy all over. “Look at that flawless pale skin, that luxurious dark hair, those big blue eyes, that cute little mouth and sweet voice to go with it! Not to mention your perfect taste in clothing. How can you be anything other than a princess?”

Ken could feel KingChessmon’s gaze piercing him through the visor, and he clutched Wormmon tightly to him as his skin crawled. The self-consciousness he felt at such an appraisal was only matched by his annoyance and embarrassment at being reminded of the clothing he had been forced to put on because of this obnoxious Digimon before him. “Well, for one… I’m a boy. Second, I didn’t want to wear this dress in the first place!”

“That’s right!” Wormmon chimed in. “Ken-chan isn’t a princess, no matter what you say!”

“He seems quite hung-up on that, your highness,” the BishopChessmon said as he peered down impassively at his diminutive king, standing at attention.

“She is clearly confused,” KingChessmon said as he waved dismissively at his subordinate. “All she needs is some time in a palace as magnificent as ours to get her wits about her. You know how hysterical and easily addled women can be.”

“As you say, your majesty,” BishopChessmon said, with a nod.

“I-I’m not confused, you’re confused!” Ken protested, his cheeks burning hot. “I should know what gender I am!”

“Pish tosh,” KingChessmon said as he wagged his finger in Ken’s face. “We will hear no more of this nonsense. Now sit and enjoy dinner while we regale you with our magnificent deeds of conquest, our cute little princess!”

Ken felt increasingly overwhelmed, as none of the Digimon seemed to be listening. “Do I have a choice?”

With a clap of his hands, KingChessmon cheerfully made his way to his throne at the opposite end of the long banquet table. “Of course not! What a silly question. Now, on with the feast!”

---

The food was the only thing good about sitting at the Chessmon banquet table, but Ken and Wormmon didn’t bother trying any of it. Ken didn’t even try to hide how he felt, seated at the end of a long, long, long table full of plates that reflected so much light he constantly had to squint, and a mouthy braggart at the opposite end of the table who just. Would. Not. Shut. Up! They couldn’t even ignore KingChessmon’s endless prattling about personal boasts, as the large speakers placed periodically up near the ceiling of the room made sure there was no escaping the king’s tales of how he - yet again - humiliated TonosamaGekomon.

Wormmon eyeballed the PawnChessmon holding the microphone up to KingChessmon and wondered if he could knock it out of the Digimon’s hand.

KingChessmon, for his part, appeared utterly oblivious that his audience only remained seated due to the threat of death posed by his army standing at attention with their weapons ready around the table. Despite the fact that no one was reacting to him even when he jumped up onto the cushioned booster seat atop his throne to punctuate what he thought was a particularly good part of his story, he continued to ramble with the air of infinite superiority and importance.

“And then, TonosamaGekomon had the absolute gall to imply that our singing would wound a deaf ‘mon!” KingChessmon said with an agitated harumph. “Can you believe the unmitigated nerve? Of course then we rightly humiliated that bloated toad in front of all his servants with our keen wit. Hard to imagine why he has anyone following him at all with an ego so bloated it shrunk his brain to the size of a nut, we shall tell you that!”

“Just how can he throw so many boulders without smashing his own glass house?” Ken muttered out of the side of his mouth, his expression deadpan.

“It’s a mystery,” Wormmon whispered back as he gave the bragging king an annoyed glare.

“Why, Princess Chosen Child!” KingChessmon gasped as he abruptly stood on his chair again and leaned across the table. “You’ve barely touched your food. Whatever is the matter? Are you on a diet?”

Ken felt a surge of irritation as he glanced down at the full plates before him. He wasn’t about to vocalize that his entire situation and the king’s behavior made him lose his appetite; he knew it was pointless. He doubted that the Digimon would acknowledge it anyway. “I… I’m just not hungry, that’s all.”

“Oh, such a delicate princess you are!” KingChessmon gushed. “But you really must eat. How about some milk? If you don’t drink enough dairy your royal melons will never grow!”

Ken stared blankly at KingChessmon. “My… what?”

KingChessmon patted his chest. “Your melons! Marshmallows! Love muffins! Puff-puff poofs!”

The innuendo hit Ken hard, rendering him utterly speechless as KingChessmon continued coming up with a euphemism after euphemism for breasts. All that eeked out of him was a high-pitched noise as one of his dark pink cheeks occasionally twitched.

Wormmon didn’t catch on as Ken had, oblivious to the sexual nature of the conversation, but he did notice his partner’s discomfort, which made him bristle with anger regardless. “Stop talking about Ken-chan that way!”

It was then that KingChessmon finally acknowledged Wormmon’s existence and paused mid-allusion. “Ken… chan?” he repeated, slowly, as though contemplating the shape of the young boy’s name in his mouth. Confusion immediately gave way to extreme excitement as he clapped his hands together. “Oh, so your name is Princess Kenchan? What a fascinating name!”

The more the king spoke, the worse Ken’s embarrassment became. He reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose as he let out a sigh. “Someone save me from this pervert…”

A resounding bang like thunder heralded the destruction of the massive doors leading into the dining room. Darkness stood in the doorway, snuffing out the light as she stormed in with Nyamon at her heels. The rest of the group followed after, as the doors could no longer keep them out.

“Give Ken-chan back or be deleted,” Keiko said in a low, dangerous growl.

KingChessmon shrieked at the sight of the girl shrouded in darkness. “By us, no! It’s the black knight, the fiend that poses as a princess to deceive innocent kings and their people!” He flailed about, pointing his scepter wildly in all directions. “Guards! Guards! To your king! Stop the black knight! H-hurry!”

While the Chessmon scrambled in a panic, Ken felt an instant rush of relief. “Keiko! Ryo!”

“Ken!” Ryo called out as he came to stand beside Keiko in spite of how intimidating she was with shadows surrounding her. However what did startle him was the number of PawnChessmon that charged towards them carrying spears. He jerked back instinctively and Leomon was quick to get between him and the enemy army.

Keiko didn’t look at the attacking forces, her gaze sliding from Ken to her partner. “Nyamon.”

“Leave it to me,” Nyamon said as she narrowed her eyes. The light of evolution quickly overtook her, and Nyxmon twirled her scythe before bringing it down with a sharp slash in an obvious threat.

“Let us do this, Ryo!” Leomon said as he clenched his fists.

“Right!” Ryo shouted as he raised his Digivice. Within moments, Leomon disappeared into the golden light that engulfed him and emerged as Panjamon.

As Panjamon and Nyxmon moved forward, a crowd of Chessmon of all shapes, sizes, and evolutions rushed towards the intruders with their weapons raised in attack. Ken used the table as something of a shield as attacks and armor-clad Digimon started flying in all directions. He shifted anxiously, clutching Wormmon close, as he helplessly watched his friends do battle with his captors.

“W-what should I do?” Ken asked, more to himself than anyone else. His first instinct was run to Keiko and Ryo, but in order to do that he would need to wade through the thick of battle with no protection from a stray attack. The back of his neck throbbed dimly with an echo of the pain he felt that night Piemon ambushed them, reminding him of the very real danger he and his friends were in.

Despite everything, Wormmon tried to remain positive. “It’s okay, Ken-chan. I’ll protect you!” Even if he knew it was a lie, even if they both knew it was a lie, he would say it and keep saying it until one day it was the truth and he became strong enough to defend his partner all on his own.

Unfortunately, Ken couldn’t find any comfort in those words. The fresh reminder of Piemon helped him imagine what would happen if Wormmon faced even the PawnChessmon in battle. Visions of stabbing, skewering, and the explosive deletion of data sent a wave of absolute dread through him, and he pulled his partner as close as he could without suffocating Wormmon in the process. “N-no, that’s… w-we should…”

Ken trailed off black bursts of energy caught his attention. His eyes widened as he saw Keiko walking through the thick of the battle with her eyes fixed on him with laser-guided focus.

Darkness cloaked Keiko like a shroud as she strode towards Ken, not even looking at the battle around her or the Digimon directly charging at her with weapons aimed at her vitals. When the point of a lance thrust within arm’s length of her eye it burst into data as Nyxmon crushed the head of the one who wielded it. A giant dart that flew on a deadly course towards her head fell to the ground in a useless heap of scrap when Nyxmon batted it aside.

No Digimon or weapon touched Keiko as she made her way across the battlefield with unwavering steps.

“S-so… so cool…” Ken muttered as he stared at Keiko. The way she and Nyxmon moved together like a force of nature was awe inspiring. Keiko was so completely in tune with her partner that they understood each other and had faith that each could keep the other safe. Although he had seen them work together before, it wasn’t like this. Certainly, Keiko would throw in a punch or two, but she had never been so bold as to wade directly into a warzone. It was the exact opposite of him, as he cowered behind a table and prayed his partner wouldn’t have to fight. Such a display of power was something he knew a burden like himself could never hope achieve, he still ached for just a fraction of their strength.

Ken was only snapped out of his reverie when Keiko flipped the table aside and reached him. With the same hands soaked in darkness that obliterated the table took him gently by the arm and began leading him back the way she came.

“Let’s go,” Keiko said. She refused to let her relief soften her. The last time she let down her guard, Ken almost died.

She refused to ever let it happen again.

“Uh… r-right,” Ken said, bewildered in spite of himself as he let Keiko guide him through the battlefield.

KingChessmon had, at some point, ducked under the table as his minions began their assault - and their inevitable slaughter. It gave him a good vantage point, up until Keiko tossed his shelter aside. With a squeal, he tried to use a spilled cake and a broken ice sculpture of him as a new barrier, when he saw the hem of Ken’s vibrant pink dress flutter out of the corner of his eye. When he saw his captive leaving and who was responsible, his outrage overcame his fear and he lept back onto his chair.

“To arms, men!” KingChessmon bellowed. “The black knight has captured the princess! Stop him! Stop him! We demand that you stop him!”

The orders ended with an undignified yelp as white foot stomped down on the floor in front of KingChessmon, narrowly avoiding him as it crushed an expensive array of dishware. To his horror, Panjamon loomed over him with a cold aura swirling around one of his clenched fists.

“You craven coward!” Panjamon snarled. “Stand up and fight alongside your men!”

The only answer from the king of all Chessmon was to run away shrieking, scepter flailing wildly in the air at his side. “We’re under attack! Your king is under attack! Someone save us!”

Panjamon snorted through his nose before he moved after the king, throwing his fist forward. “Ice Beast Fist!” A roar echoed as an ephemeral blue blast of energy in the shape of a lion head burst forward, slamming into the fleeing king and sending him through the wall.

Much to his annoyance, Panjamon noticed that such an attack didn’t so much as put a dent in KingChessmon’s armor, yet the king still scrambled to get back on his feet and run, shrieking all the while..

Panjamon snorted a puff of cold air through his nose. “It seems even an Ultimate can be a craven coward.”

Ryo raced over to Ken and Keiko once his friends were close enough and swept the other boy into a hug. “Ken! I’m so glad you’re safe!”

Ken returned the hug, clinging tightly to the Chosen of Miracles as a slight tremor ran through his body. “I’m so happy to see you! I knew you’d come to rescue me!”

Wormmon felt a twinge of unhappiness as he hopped down to the floor to give Ken a moment to seek comfort from Ryo. Watching his partner tear up with relief at being reunited should have been a happy moment, but all he felt was the toxic burn of jealousy. Although he had been present the entire time, he might as well not have been. He was powerless to stop the Chessmon from kidnapping and threatening Ken, they ignored virtually every word he said, and not even his presence could offer his precious partner any comfort.

Guilt and shame for how he felt made Wormmon turn away to watch the battle. Even as a substitute partner, Panjamon was amazing, as he went from one enemy to the next without pause, even able to terrorize the king that caused them so much problems. Nyxmon was death personified, effortlessly cutting through wave after wave of Chessmon from Child to Perfect, mowing them down in clusters with her scythe like blades of grass.

It all seemed so effortless to those two. This was what Wormmon should have been, but he was too weak. For whatever reason, he simply could not evolve past his Child level. It wasn’t through any fault of Ken, he knew that for certain. There was just something flawed within him, and he knew that because if he wasn’t, then he wouldn’t feel so bitter and jealous that he wasn’t the one to rescue Ken. “I want to protect Ken-chan too…”

When the numbers of Chessmon thinned to the point that they finally began to draw back, FlaWizarmon caught up with the group at the banquet hall with Witchmon flying in right behind him. “Welp, it looks like Operation Rescue Ken-chan was a rousing success!” he said cheerfully as he hopped over a bit of splintered wood that used to be the door. “An’ the exit’s nice and clear now, so how ‘bout we…”

It was the tone in which FlaWizarmon trailed off that made Ken keenly aware that he was being stared at. A mortified heat rose to the Chosen of Kindness’ cheeks as he saw FlaWizarmon and Witchmon staring at him - more specifically, his dress. His face immediately went red as he bristled. “It’s… it’s not what it looks like!”

A crooked smile tugged at FlaWizarmon’s lips as he cocked his head back slightly. “‘Zat so?”

Witchmon giggled and flashed a toothy grin. “So you’re saying that we’re not seeing our precious Ken-chan wearing a darling little pink dress?”

“No!” Ken snapped, even as his blush deepened. “You’re not!”

“Well, then!” FlaWizarmon said with an exaggerated shrug. “If Princess Ken-chan says it ain’t so, I guess it ain’t so!”

“We could never argue with the cutest little princess this side of the Digital World!” Witchmon agreed with a sage nod.

“They made me wear this!” Ken protested as he pointed in the direction of the ruined banquet hall. “It’s their fault!”

“You know, Ken-chan,” FlaWizarmon said as he leaned forward, his hands on his hips. “We could always ask Higashi to fix you up with some real pretty dresses, if-”

“N-no!” Ken screamed as he shook his fists. “No, no, no, no, no!”

“They’d simply look adorable on you, I’m sure~!” Witchmon giggled as she clapped her hands together.

“Um,” Ryo said as he scratched his cheek. He couldn’t deny that he found Ken wearing a dress and jewelry silly, but the sounds of battle behind him made it hard to appreciate the humor of it. “H-how about we focus on getting out of here first, and then you can keep teasing Ken?”

“No!” Ken whirled to face Ryo, his blush so prominent it was spreading to his ears and neck. He then quickly realized what he said, which only intensified his fluster. “I-I mean, no to the teasing! No more teasing!”

“Er, right,” Ryo said before letting out an awkward chuckle.

“Well, we can promise ya one, but not the other!” FlaWizarmon said, cheerfully. He then did a sweeping bow, gesturing towards the door. “Right this way, Princess!”

While Ken proceeded to flail and protest his princess title and Ryo watched on with mixed feelings, Keiko was more focused on Wormmon. She watched as the insect appeared far too distracted to get involved, too unusually focused on the battle as it was winding down, when normally he would be among the first to defend his partner from such teasing. After taking a moment to consider the significance, she approached the insect and knelt down.

“Wormmon,” Keiko said, softly.

Wormmon jumped, startled out of his thoughts, before he turned to smile weakly up at Keiko. “O-oh, I’m sorry, I…”

“Not everyone grows strong at the same pace, or in the same way,” Keiko said, her voice low. She got down on her knees as Wormmon gaped at her, and she gently reached forward to touch the top of the little Digimon’s head. “And that’s especially true for Light. Light takes the longest to gain power, but it can crush Darkness if it wants to when it gets there.” She smirked a little at the incredulous look on Wormmon’s face. “I’m serious. Just be patient a little longer, okay? You and Ken-chan will reach Ultimate someday for sure.”

Wormmon stared at Keiko in silence as her words slowly sunk in. As tears began to brim in his eyes, he gave her a tiny nod. “T-thank you...”

Keiko smiled gently before she pulled Wormmon into a comforting hug that he gladly accepted.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 13x02 “The Rising Son”

me: *waving pom poms* JACK JACK JACK JACK JACK

04:45pm

so... a deadly duo episode right?? oh no

expectations: jack being a cute lil nugget

hopes: ???? not being offensive, dean mourning

-

04:48

demon: “he will make hell great again”

i dunno what the hiatus did to me but i feel like i’m Over this parallel

not a fan of pellegrino, or trump, so it’s all one big ball of nope

fingers crossed these non-white demons live to see another episode

-

04:51

...missed opportunity for a cooler entrance frankly

(what was his name? 4th demon of hell)

-

04:53

what a jerk

-

04:54

DEAN DRIVE SLOWER WOW

-

also sometimes i think about how jack basically has 5 dads

lucifer

cas

sam

dean

the president of the united states

-

04:57

right now i’m having a lot of trouble separating lucifer’s face from pellegrino’s values

i kiiiinda liked lucifer before (in like a “love to hate him” sort of way) but hrhrhgh can’t really stand him at all now i know what the actor’s like

the actor always kinda bleeds into the character anyway. like how in season 10 cole was never really anyone’s darling, and the actor turned out to be a turd. and how misha is a sparkly gem person and he makes cas lovable too

y’know that thing where good, kind thoughts make a person beautiful regardless of how “attractive” they are?? yeah, that thing. pellegrino’s face has a toxic skew on it now

-

05:03

although that thing he did with his hands after he said “i don’t want you dead, because i need you alive” was funny

-

05:06

i want a season-long arc of this sensible downtrodden secretary demon usurping the throne and becoming king of hell

-

05:09

jack is so much like cas.............oh i love hhim

protect him !!!!!!

EEYYY SCOOBY DOO

-

05:20

awww DEANIE

I’M EMOTIONAL

HE’S SO TIRED AND HE’S JUST A BLOB HE NEEDS A REST AND CARTOONS

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

I LOVE THEM BOTH

I LOVE THEM ALL

AHHHHHH

-

05:11

i want episodes where dean and cas and sam and jody and donna are looking after claire and jack together and they get along and HAVE CHRISTMAS TOGETHER PLEASE PLEASE

that was be cool

...maybe my christmas fic this year who knows

-

05:13

JACK LIKES BURGERS

oh god pleases let dean see the similarities and want to keep jack ‘cause he misses cas

-

05:14

“wait wait wait how old do you think you are?”

omgggggggggggg

;u;

also? appreciating that dean wouldn’t let underage kids drink. i’m writing an au fic right now where he cares about that, but i was concerned it would be out of character to some extent? i figured in canon maybe he’d let kids try a sip of something if they were supervised, even if it was illegal

-

05:16

THE FACT HE’S COPYING DEAN

LIKE CAS DID BUT MORE OBVIOUSLY

HELP

-

05:18

“he’s family and that’s... good”

i can’t comprehend how much i love jack?? it was all so fast and i want him to stick around

he’s small and soft and confused and i want to see him smile

-

05:19

i wonder if jack is mimicking dean so dean likes him more

it would make more sense to mimic sam since they already have a bond

and yet...

-

05:21

dean! the dude’s 3 days old and you’re bothered by the fact he doesn’t know what “teleport” means ?

-

THE SOFT GENTLE KNOCK

-

05:24

the fact the question “is god with you?” has such a different meaning in this show compared to real life

-

05:25

does jensen have a little scar on his chin? i swear i’ve noticed it before, the lighting makes it obvious here

also, he’s purty ~

-

SO purty

-

05:31

that’s cas’ face right there

-

05:32

JEEZ TATTOO DUDE PLEASE PUT SOME GLOVES ON

-

05:33

IT GOT WORSE. I HOPED MAYBE HE’D PUT GLOVES ON BEFORE STARTING BUT NOPE. AND DID HE OPEN THE INK PACKETS FRESH OR SPEND SOME TIME DISINFECTING NOPE

DID HE SKETCH THE THING OUT FIRST OR ASK ABOUT THE EXACT PLACEMENT

NOPE

/ENDLESS RECOILING

IF DEAN AND SAM DON’T HAVE HIV .......................

-

05:37

sam: “looks good, jack”

actually no it looks a lil skewed... could’ve been better

but serves its purpose i guess

-

05:38

dean: “didn’t see cas smiting someone every time he got his teeth cleaned”

DID THEY GO TO THE DENTIST TOGETHER

*pauses to imagine dean holding cas’ hand and rolling his eyes as cas squints and frowns at the dentist’s buzzy brush thing*

i always wondered about that. ‘cause misha has fillings and sometimes you could see them in cas’ mouth too (obviously it’s unavoidable) but can angels not heal their rotten teeth??? what a bummer

-

05:42

sam totally gets dean and doesn’t judge him for having his “wires crossed” and i love him for that

-

05:44

sign behind the lady that says “sheeps” while dean’s talking to her

second reference to sheep and dean this episode?? sam said he was hallucinating sheep on the road before

and !!! JACK IS THE LION

AND THE LAMB LIES DOWN WITH THE LION

or something like that i forget

!!!!!

quick google search: “The "lion and the lamb shall lay down together" is cited as a prophecy of a coming utopia. But there is a problem with this: it does not occur in the Bible!” // “the “lion and the lamb,” Isaiah 11:6 is in mind due to it often being misquoted, “And the wolf will dwell with the lamb, and the leopard will lie down with the baby goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them.”

HOT DAMN

-

05:50

is that a bisexual light i see

“jack” in the background too

-

05:52

alternate reading: lamb to the slaughter

-

05:53

what i wanna know is why nobody made a big deal about the nephilim who was working in a cafe a few years ago? the time cas and metatron went there and cas said his coat was actually quite warm

-

05:56

RIP HIS FACE OFF MARY

-

05:57

where’s the episode where the women aren’t tossed from one man to another, forced to do their bidding

the deadly duo are the WORST at this

i’m still not over rowena for the record

-

06:00

the set designers did such an interesting job with this hotel

i still wanna try my hand to being a set designer sometime in my life i think

-

06:03

dean is such an impressive fucking human being

(he just killed a demon from 12 feet away... goddamn)

-

06:06

i fucking LOVE the vibe of driving down a country road in summer

even with the drama

-

06:08

everything lucifer says sounds like pellegrino now

what a condescending jerkface

-

06:11

with this whole thing in black and white i can’t tell if michael is a white dude or not

-

06:13

while it makes sense, something about this episode feels disjointed. like all the scenes and segments aren’t quite fully relevant to each other. specifically the lucifer+mary stuff vs. everything else

-

06:18

lucifer: “kill me?”

michael: “maybe not. maybe.... i need you”

oooooh michael just did to lucifer what lucifer was doing to mary

-

06:19

dean: “if it comes to killing you... i’ll be the one to do it”

poor kid. i can’t help but ...understand how terrible that must be for a teenager to hear. magic and supernatural aside, to have to live with someone who wants you dead, and doesn’t trust you ?

it hurts a lot

and even though the logic mostly adds up, it hurts that dean would do this to jack when he went through such a shitty childhood himself, without trust or affection

treating a child as untrustable is a surefire way to make them that way

or at least it would make jack feel like it’s excusable to give in, if the urge to hurt someone ever did arise, since it’s ~inevitable~

-

ah. dean leaves the room with a bloody knife in one hand a a beer bottle in the other

how symbolic

someone help him

-

06:24

HOKAY it’s over

that was.....good? i was surprised

only a few women died and some people of colour SURVIVED which is impressive for the deadly duo. one misogynistic slur, and then the would-be rapist got ganked by lucifer.... not sure what to make of that

i just..........i love jack

so much

and i hear cas is back next episode and I’M INCREDIBLY HAPPY ABOUT THAT

i was under the impression this episode was called “the rising sun” rather than “son” and i thought it seemed relevant to cas, but i guess the sun symbolism could refer to jack too?

anyway i’d give it a 8/10 - it lacked a solid full-circle thing imo, but was otherwise a decent linking episode

also donatello was fun, i like him

BRING ON THE CAS EPISODES !!!!!!!!!!!

[clank4eva]

102 Thoughts while watching Season 3 Episode 2

1. Ah Fergus... I know who he is now that I took the buzzfeed quiz and got him

2. Probably should watch the second half of season 2... 

3. Let’s get this thing rollin!!!!!

4. Thats a picture of Jamie.....?!?!!? 

5. Dis kid looks like Eleven

6. They should dye Jamie’s hair a different color and then if they find him, he should be like nah, I’m not “red” Jamie

7. Alright guy, stop threatening these cute kids

8. Tg for Jamie’s sister takin care of business and this blonde dude (mr. murry) being strong willed

9. Spit on them more Fergus!!! You show him!!!

10. LOL AT CREEPER JAMIE

11. YOU LOOK LIKE RUMPLESTILSKIN!!!!!

12. So nope they didn’t dye his hair... They gave him a floppy hat and made his hair longer

13. And now he’s creepin on his sis

14. Brother! You’re being super creepy... silently cutting your meat

15. Claire’s dreaming of buns and my mom’s gettin weird

16. Wait what when’d she give birth to the child

17. THe last episode!!! Says my mom

18. OOOlala TOPLESS FRANK ALERT!!!!!!

19. OW OW GET IT FRANK

20. Jamie you are a creepy dude.... Why are you being so creepy

21. Now he is luring kids into a cave

22. Hey Fergus! You’re now a part of the curly hair club! We hang out in a cave!

23. Fergus is more manly than Jamie. Claire should probably go for Fergus

24. WHY IS JAMIE WALKING WITHOUT MOVING HIS ARMS!!!! YOU’RE BEING WEIRD!!!

25. Glad you’re talking to people though

26. Wait sister was pregnant...?

27. If Jamie’s sister dies right now..........

28. Get it Fergus! This seems like a bad plan but get it!!!!!

29. Fergus get out of there

30. Jamie especially get out of there !!!!

31. Drop the gun and gtfo!!!!!! 

32. Good job lady... now get rid of that gun

33. Alive and well! Love it!!! 

34. Jenny is an awesome lady

35. “I wont marry” says darth vader

36. Get outta there Jamie!!! GOOOOOO

37. Dude stop being a turd... Jenny had a baby maybe 1 tv minute ago so can you cool it!!!

38. Yo Jamie... that baby is gonna sell you out

39. Dude clearly she’s delivered a child.... read the room bro

40. What noooooo lady nooooo

41. Be nice to her please! She’s so good!!!

42. Close call 

43. Good thing “Captain” is semi reasonable 

44. Why did Jamie take the baby in the first place?

45. Nipple

46. Yes Claire get itttttt

47. Oooooo yeah!!! This is what we’ve all been waiting for!!!

48. Stop creepin out Fergus, red coat.

49. Keep doin your thang Ian!! 

50. Wow dude pls don’t look at a child that way... that was weird for everyone

51. How do these guys know that our curly haired boys hang out in the bushes?

52. Yo Fergus probably don’t taunt these guys.. they’re big and mean

53. Fergus please stop. I love it but please stop...

54. Time for Dumbbonnet to go to town on these guys

55. Fergus.......

56. Jamie time to help!!!!

56. WTFFFFFFFFF GUY

57. WTF 

58. Ew....ew...ew....ew....ew...ew........

59. Jamie way to pay attention to claire though. Comin in clutch big time

60. Yeah I wanted you to stop them too but Jenny is right. You would’ve been screwed

61. “ye wee fool” absolutely fitting

62. Yeah you did well but then you taunted them like a mad man

63. Fergus is a very pretty girl

64. Why was Fergus in Paris as well? #thingsI’llfindoutwhenIfinishseason2

65. What a difference between Jamie’s and Claire’s lives right now

66. Claire’s house looks like a home where a horror movie would take place

67. Damn claire take off those thangggs 

68. They have so much chemistry I love it

69. Ooo this is getting weird

70. Yeah Claire you’re kinda being a jerk to Frank 

71. He loves you and wants you to love him back!! Is that too much to ask!?

72. If only Claire could see you now Jamie... She would be like Damn okay I choose frank. You scare me.

73. Why are you speaking in a raspy voice now Jamie....

74. Jamie you’re an honorable dude but also you’re a crazy mofo

75. I am not likin this plan. Prison isn’t the best for you Jamie..

76. Wut wut gettin his shave on! This is a better look for you Jamie

77. What’s happening...............

78. Ah this is weird. This is very weird

79. Don’t do this Jamie... this is weird for everyone. For her, for you, for us the viewers

80. What the heck does bonny mean

81. That is a cool ass baby carriage

82. LOL WHAT A BABY

83. Yo prof... you’re a jerk

84. Claire I don’t like this hairdo

85. Why are all these boys such jerks

86. Kick their butts claire!!!!

87. Here comes your friend, Claire!

88. Aw friendship

89. We love you Joe

90. NEW SHIP CLAOE or JOIRE AM I RIGHT

91. What whyyyyy why two beds

92. Aw frank :(

93. LOL JAMIE LOOKIN GOOD

94. Now you actually look good

95. And now things are looking very bad, but at least you don’t look like a creeper anymore

96. Aw Jenny we love you

97. The only song that bagpipes play

98. Is Claire pregnant again??!!

99. No I think it’s just a big jacket

100. Good luck at school, Claire!!!

101. Next time.....

102. A lot of drama comin in hot

[chimericarchitect]

kurvakiousSexekutionoir 2

-- kurvakiousSexekutionoir [KS] began trolling talentedSalad [TS] at 17:43 --

[05:43] KS: Hey! hoow are yoou?

[05:43] TS: Hey! Long time no see. :P

[05:43] TS: I'm good.

[05:44] TS: Whaddup?

[05:44] KS: I was woondering.

[05:44] KS: yoour having this party thing

[05:44] KS: hoow are peoople getting there? me foor example

[05:45] TS: Well, in your case I will be picking you up!

[05:45] TS: So there's nothing for you to worry about

[05:45] KS: .... where are yoou having it if we have too avooid yoour guardian?

[05:46] TS: Mmmm, not my hive!

[05:46] TS: I got a place though

[05:46] KS: which means were goonna use that weird jumpy thing...

[05:46] KS: doosnet it

[05:47] TS: You mean a transpotalizer...?

[05:47] KS: witchcraft

[05:47] TS: (eyeroll.exe)

[05:47] KS: technoocraft?

[05:47] KS: freaking freaky either way

[05:48] KS: but i doo it foor yoou kiwi

[05:48] KS: um alsoo

[05:48] KS: loots oof peoople?

[05:48] TS: Not a lot! ONly 9 so far.

[05:49] KS: 9?!!!

[05:49] KS: thats soo many...

[05:49] TS: The Halloween one I went to had 30 people ;D

[05:49] KS: .... ooh goog

[05:49] KS: Thats...

[05:50] KS: were there aloot oof scary peoople their?

[05:50] KS: there

[05:50] TS: I dunno! They didn't seem scary to me.

[05:50] KS: Yes but yoou a very sweet little shut in...

[05:50] KS: oor ex shut in?

[05:50] TS: Hey!

[05:51] TS: Look, no one was scary! They were all very nice.

[05:51] KS: then why was the party soome hoow saved by oone persoon oonly being there foor a few minutes?

[05:52] TS: Mmm, Probably because that person doesn't get along with the host?

[05:52] TS: Can't say!

[05:53] KS: *whine* soo whoo rsvped?

[05:53] TS: Hang on, lemme look

[05:53] KS: kay

[05:55] TS: 1. subborealcetacean 2. violetbard 3. kurvakioussexekutionoir 4. aesthetic-virtuoso 5. ad1ostoreador 6. wa2p 7. adeysia 8. feralvulpecula 9. solbee-captor

[05:55] TS: These are they

[05:56] KS: hoow many oof these are highbloooods? just oout oof curioousity

[05:57] TS: How high of a blood do they need to be in order to be highblood?

[05:57] KS: aboove teal

[05:58] TS: Not including teal?

[05:58] TS: Just one!

[05:58] KS: ah... im guessin viooletbard is... yeah

[05:59] KS: ooh geez oone sec. mooms chewing oon a roock

[05:59] TS: Your lusus is weird

[06:00] TS: You are what you eat, so she must be dumb as a rock

[06:00] KS: never mind it was a very red peice oof wooood.

[06:00] KS: hey!

[06:00] KS: shes smarter than yoou'

[06:00] KS: guess thats noot saying much :p

[06:00] TS: Prove it :P

[06:01] TS: You called a transportalizer witchcraft

[06:02] KS: looook, i knoow their coommoon. but anything that takes my parts disoolves them and refoorms them is fucking scary

[06:02] KS: what if it gets turned ooff half way!

[06:03] TS: Thennnnn

[06:03] TS: You die?

[06:03] TS: I don't know

[06:03] TS: Never happened! :D

[06:03] KS: .... Yoou die shoould noot be acoompenied by smiley face

[06:03] TS: Hehehe~

[06:04] TS: Well, I don't think it dissolves you anyway

[06:04] TS: That's a misconception

[06:04] KS: what is it then?

[06:04] KS: what dooes it doo?

[06:04] TS: Smoosh!

[06:05] TS: Space!

[06:05] TS: :D

[06:05] KS: NOONE OOF THIS IS A ANSWERRRRRRRRR

[06:05] KS: hndfjsdhfksdi im goonna dieeee

[06:05] TS: Eventually! ^_^

[06:05] KS: im goonna lick yoou...

[06:06] TS: Gross

[06:06] KS: right in the ear

[06:06] TS: Ew

[06:06] KS: really wet

[06:07] TS: UR Disgustin'

[06:07] KS: yoour a troollgladite

[06:08] KS: Are yoou ignooring my amazing wit

[06:10] TS: Yeah, "amazing" is one way to describe that

[06:10] TS: But I wasn't ignoring you

[06:10] TS: I was working on my Uni-Stitch

[06:11] KS: yoour croochet?

[06:13] TS: Hehe, yeah, let's go with that ;D

[06:13] TS: What're you up to?

[06:13] KS: ... what else coould that mean?

[06:13] KS: ooh um

[06:13] KS: i am attmpting too make my cloothes foor the party

[06:14] TS: :O

[06:14] TS: D'you want some help?

[06:14] TS: What're you going to wear? It's not a costume party

[06:15] KS: ive goot it moostly. im just having a hanioous time with the design

[06:15] KS: i knoow but i alsoo doont want too wear my ragged cloothes ya knoow?

[06:15] TS: :T

[06:16] TS: You sure you don't want me to make/get you something?

[06:16] KS: woorried ill embarass yoou?~

[06:18] TS: Nope!

[06:18] KS: truth is im recycling an oold thing i made foorever agoo.

[06:19] TS: Mmm? :3

[06:19] KS: yooull see ;)

[06:19] TS: Okay. So long as you are comfortable, that it what matters

[06:20] KS: ooh theres gooing too be aloot oof peoople.

[06:20] KS: im gooing too be freaking oout inside

[06:20] KS: ooutside ill be hoot as fuck

[06:21] KS: this isnt foormal is it?

[06:21] TS: Not formal, no.

[06:21] TS: Casual is fine.

[06:22] KS: ookay cooool

[06:22] TS: Are you excited?

[06:23] KS: i am alsoo scared but yea

[06:23] KS: but i have oone questioon foor yoou.

[06:23] KS: this is a human hoolliday oor soo has been said.

[06:23] KS: whats a human

[06:23] TS: Ohhh myyy GOOOODDDD

[06:23] TS: This again??

[06:24] TS: They

[06:24] TS: Are

[06:24] TS: Aliens

[06:24] TS: Pinky softy aliens

[06:24] KS: what doo yoou mean again?!

[06:24] KS: alsoo fucking ew what?

[06:24] TS: :O

[06:24] TS: Wait

[06:24] TS: I thought we talked about this?

[06:25] KS: ... i yoou "multiverseing" again?

[06:25] KS: are

[06:25] KS: noot i

[06:25] KS: wtf

[06:26] TS: I am always multiverse-ing!

[06:26] TS: You are too, now

[06:26] KS: ... i.. did i coonsent too this

[06:26] TS: Yep!

[06:26] TS: You're welcome

[06:27] KS: ... that soounds like yoou coonsented foor my kiwi

[06:28] TS: No way! You totally agreed.

[06:28] TS: You're in it now

[06:28] TS: :P

[06:28] KS: mmmmmmmmmmm

[06:28] KS: i knoow

[06:28] KS: soomeoone foolloowed my bloog

[06:28] TS: !! :O

[06:28] TS: Who?

[06:29] KS: succinctlysevered

[06:29] TS: aiylsihbvs'

[06:29] TS: BAD

[06:29] TS: OH

[06:29] TS: D:

[06:30] KS: ???

[06:30] TS: That guy is scary

[06:30] KS: they seemed ookay when we talked foor a sec.

[06:30] KS: but i was awkward soo we havent really talked again

[06:30] TS: He is really

[06:30] TS: REALLY

[06:30] TS: into killing and stuff

[06:30] KS: ....

[06:30] KS: troolls

[06:31] KS: oour whoole race

[06:31] TS: :(

[06:31] KS: sweet little shut in kiwi

[06:31] TS: >:(

[06:31] TS: It grew eyebrows just for you

[06:31] KS: such a precioous innoocent sooul

[06:32] KS: yoour gooing too be eaten alive

[06:32] KS: and noot in the fun way...

[06:33] TS: D:<

[06:33] TS: Kitty

[06:33] TS: STFU

[06:33] KS: oohhh sensitive

[06:33] TS: I can be tough

[06:33] TS: I'm trying

[06:33] KS: awwwwwwwwww

[06:34] KS: kiwi

[06:34] KS: im soorry yoour just too cute

[06:34] KS: like a baby meoowbeast trying too attack a dragoon

[06:34] TS: I will block you

[06:34] KS: noooooooooooooooooooooo

[06:34] KS: loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[06:34] KS: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ccccccccccccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[06:35] KS: dddddddddddddddddoooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnttttttttttttttttt leav me

[06:35] TS: stahp

[06:35] TS: garbage words

[06:35] TS: ew

[06:35] TS: I had to read this

[06:35] TS: SEVERAL times

[06:35] TS: in order to understand you

[06:35] KS: *whine*

[06:35] TS: (Squint)

[06:36] KS: doont bloock me

[06:36] KS: doont leave meh

[06:36] TS: Why are you being dumb

[06:36] TS: it was a joke kitty

[06:37] KS: mir

[06:38] KS: kiwi why doo yoou doo this too me

[06:38] TS: Do what?? Make jokes?

[06:38] TS: Now who's sensitive, you weenie?

[06:38] KS: blugh

[06:38] KS: shuddup

[06:38] KS: i am noot

[06:38] KS: hT{OO:GReyfjtmsrga

[06:38] KS: FYGUNLE

[06:39] KS: ,VKJOOUEFY8Wgab

[06:39] TS: (SquintX2 Combo)

[06:39] KS: cvgfkvm.

[06:39] TS: stop

[06:39] KS: moom was oon the keybooard again

[06:39] TS: Your lusus is dumb

[06:39] TS: XP

[06:39] KS: she likes yoou thoough

[06:39] TS: XPPPP

[06:39] KS: did the spit ever coome oout oof yoour shirt froom when she licked yoou?

[06:40] TS: I had to destroy that shirt!

[06:41] KS: why?

[06:41] KS: it was just spit.

[06:41] KS: and a little blooood..

[06:42] KS: ookay maybe there was moore blooood than their shoould usually be

[06:42] TS: YEAH

[06:42] TS: I had to destroy the evidence before Anista saw

[06:42] TS: Couldn't risk it

[06:42] KS: ooh... yeah thats fair....

[06:46] TS: So what're you doing?

[06:46] KS: well i just sewed part oof my finger too my dress... soo i seam ripping.

[06:46] KS: yoou?

[06:47] TS: You sewed your finger onto your dress? How??

[06:48] KS: stoopped paying attentioon and went throough the calloouse

[06:49] TS: Are you bleeding on your new clothes?

[06:50] KS: noope

[06:50] KS: im gooood doont woorry

[06:50] KS: cant see it anyway. im wearing black

[06:51] TS: Mm.

[06:52] KS: soo what will yoou wear? goobblebeast coostume?

[06:58] TS: No way! The event is CASUAL

[06:58] TS: I will wear something CASUAL

[06:58] TS: Not a COSTUME

[06:58] KS: ......

[06:58] KS: yoour a meme i doont belive yoou woont be extra

[06:58] TS: Holy shit

[06:58] TS: Called THE FUCK out

[06:59] TS: by my own friend no less

[06:59] TS: You absolute monster

[06:59] KS: if its private i think its just calling hoooofbeast shit?

[07:00] TS: >:O

[07:00] TS: I guess??

[07:01] TS: Well, either way, I am dressing CASUALLY

[07:01] KS: alright.

[07:01] KS: its gooing too be oon yoour shirt istn it yoou little turd

[07:05] TS: No!

[07:05] TS: I was gonna wear something normal

[07:07] KS: alright fine i relent

[07:10] TS: Good

[07:11] TS: Sorry, I've been pretty busy

[07:11] KS: its all gooood

[07:11] KS: whats wroong?

[07:11] TS: Nothing is wrong!

[07:11] TS: Not right now, anyway

[07:11] KS: yoou sure

[07:12] TS: Yep!

[07:12] TS: Just checking for cracks

[07:12] TS: Fixin' the place up

[07:12] KS: .... croochet doosnt crack...

[07:12] TS: :?

[07:12] TS: Sure it does?

[07:12] KS: earlier yoou said yoou were dooing croochet

[07:12] TS: :D

[07:12] KS: NOOOOOOOOOO

[07:12] KS: It disnt

[07:13] KS: what are yoou danceing arooung yoou degenerate lightning bug

[07:13] TS: Hehe! You're funny. ^_^

[07:13] TS: ZZip! ZZap

[07:13] TS: Lightning!

[07:14] TS: Don't worry about it. :P

[07:14] KS: fine....

[07:16] KS: hey

[07:16] KS: soo ive been looooking aroound gaming sites

[07:16] KS: any yoou coould suggest too me?

[07:17] TS: Sure!

[07:17] TS: I know a Karkat who plays the Sims

[07:17] TS: He enjoys it!

[07:17] TS: I could ask for a copy

[07:17] KS: sims?

[07:17] KS: and what doo yoou mean a karkat

[07:18] KS: ... theres moore than oone

[07:18] KS: multiverse

[07:18] KS: ooh good theres moore than oone

[07:18] KS: is there anoother me?

[07:18] KS: oof coouse theres anoother ma

[07:18] KS: hooly shit

[07:19] TS: I haven't met another you yet, if it's any consolation

[07:19] KS: doo yoou think there are peoople whoo goo betweaan these universes? noot just with a weird techmagic server

[07:19] KS: but like

[07:19] KS: peoople

[07:21] KS: what if thats what all these peoople can doo

[07:21] KS: am i the oonly oone whoo cant

[07:21] KS: am i really that fereal

[07:21] KS: am i crazy????!!!!

[07:24] TS: You are feral and crazy! :P

[07:24] TS: jk

[07:24] TS: But

[07:24] TS: I had to travel across the multiverse to go to that party you know

[07:24] KS: ooh my good transpoortalizers are actual fucking witchcraft

[07:29] TS: Well

[07:29] TS: Not all of them

[07:29] KS: ....

[07:29] KS: is this soome hoow linked with yoour brain poowers

[07:32] TS: My brain powers? Really?

[07:32] TS: A lot of lowbloods are psychic!

[07:32] KS: yes but i mean yoou seem too be... extra...

[07:32] KS: i dunnoo

[07:33] TS: :?

[07:33] KS: yoou seem really stroon coompared too oothers ive knoown

[07:34] TS: Oh. Really? :3

[07:34] TS: I'm flattered.

[07:34] TS: What makes you think so?

[07:34] KS: pfff oone persoon i used too knoow coouldnt lift a spoooon. yoou fly

[07:34] TS: Ohhh

[07:35] TS: Well, I'm not REALLY strong

[07:35] TS: But I'm decent!

[07:35] KS: impressive.

[07:35] TS: ^_^

[07:41] KS: blugables

[07:43] TS: What?

[07:44] KS: ooh thats the soound oof my incooming death because yoour cute as fuck

[07:50] TS: Why must you do this?

[07:50] TS: Oh hey

[07:50] TS: I just remembered

[07:50] TS: I met someone

[07:58] KS: what?!

[07:58] KS: wait

[07:58] KS: like

[07:58] KS: MET?????!!!

[07:58] TS: Face to face? Uhhh, yeah?

[07:58] TS: I went to a party!

[07:58] TS: But if you mean did I MEET someone...

[07:58] TS: ;)

[07:58] KS: quadrents bitch doo yoou have them

[07:58] TS: I do! :D

[07:59] KS: EEEEE WHOO YOOU BEST GIVE ME DETAILS

[07:59] TS: Haha

[07:59] TS: His name is Tulket

[07:59] TS: What do you wanna know?

[07:59] KS: tulket...

[07:59] KS: tulllket

[07:59] KS: Crestaciean?

[08:00] KS: the guy whoos handle soounds like shellfish?

[08:01] TS: !!!

[08:02] TS: subborealcetacean you brute

[08:02] KS: what even dooes that mean

[08:02] TS: LOOK IT UP

[08:02] TS: You language bound hooligan

[08:02] KS: nyaw looookit yoou

[08:02] KS: getting all prootective

[08:02] KS: cute~

[08:03] TS: Can it you trout >///<

[08:03] KS: canned troout? this reminds me

[08:03] KS: isnt he a fishy?

[08:03] KS: kiwi and guppy?

[08:03] KS: sitting in a tree?

[08:03] KS: k

[08:03] KS: i

[08:03] KS: s

[08:03] KS: s

[08:03] KS: i

[08:03] KS: n

[08:03] KS: g

[08:04] KS: ?

[08:05] KS: be right baclk ookay?

[08:12] TS: You are GARBAGE

[08:12] TS: XPPP

-- kurvakiousSexekutionoir [KS] is now an idle chum! --

-- kurvakiousSexekutionoir [KS] is now an idle chum! --

[08:31] KS: yes i knoow but still

[08:31] KS: alsoo after reaading anything and everything i coould oon his pages

[08:31] KS: ...

[08:32] KS: ill be woorried but yoou are ookay with him i think.

[08:32] KS: just knoow

[08:32] KS: if he ever hurts yoou, i will find him.

[08:32] KS: i will capture him

[08:32] KS: and i will make sure my lusus eats him in teeny tiny peices

[08:32] TS: Oh, you're back. Thanks for making this unpleasant. >:T

[08:33] KS: ~ just looooking oout foor my girl

[08:33] KS: anyway im super happy foor yoou

[08:33] KS: yoou deserve happieness

[08:34] TS: XPP

[08:34] TS: What were you doing, anyway?

[08:34] KS: ...

[08:35] KS: i may have goone and cyber staled him too make sure he wasnt a serial killer oor cannabal oor anything woorriesoome

[08:35] TS: O_O

[08:35] TS: Creepy

[08:35] KS: what?

[08:35] KS: i care aboout yoou

[08:36] TS: Okay, but Tulket is a good person!

[08:36] TS: You coulda asked me

[08:36] TS: OR

[08:36] TS: You could talk to him yourself!

[08:37] KS: ... i think ill wait oon that

[08:37] KS: but yoou shoould tootaly tell me aboout hi,

[08:37] KS: 'and yoou guys as a cooupel

[08:37] KS: wait

[08:37] KS: dooes he knoow aboout yoour blooood?

[08:37] KS: and if soo hoow did he find oout

[08:37] KS: was it inaproopriate?

[08:38] TS: >:O

[08:38] TS: You lewd thing!

[08:38] TS: YES

[08:38] TS: He knows about my blood color

[08:38] TS: HOWEVER

[08:38] TS: I don't think he gets it

[08:38] TS: He's a teal seadweller

[08:39] KS: thats deffinately oodd foor sure

[08:39] KS: still doosnt tell me weeather oor noot yoouve pailed

[08:39] TS: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[08:39] TS: NO

[08:40] TS: GODDAMNIT KITTY

[08:40] TS: I haven't known him that long!

[08:40] TS: D:<

[08:40] TS: What if I said we did, huh? Then what??

[08:40] KS: awww soo embarassed~ i bet if yoour emoojis were accurate im sure theyed have little lines

[08:41] KS: then id be impressed. maybe. id proobably ask hoow gooood he was

[08:41] TS: (SQUINT)

[08:42] KS: what? im curioous

[08:43] KS: hiding froom scoociety and coonstantly mooving doosnt give aloot oof "scoocial" time

[08:45] TS: (((S Q U I N T)))

[08:45] TS: Look

[08:45] TS: I gotta go

[08:45] TS: I'll talk to you later

[08:45] KS: ooh..

[08:45] KS: ookay

[08:45] KS: i wast trying too make yoou actually mad. soorry broo.

[08:45] KS: talk too ya later ookay?

[08:46] TS: Yep!

[abovesarah]

Because @the-wandering-grunt is a turd: 1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Hey, did you know there's this thing called a vest? It's like a jacket without sleeves. 2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? I don't know 🎉 3. If your significant other was into drugs, would you care? Yes. Not a fan. 4. Is your last name longer than six letters? Yeah, it's 9. 5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober. Ish. 6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? Yes. 7. What does your last received text say? "I panicked. Not gonna lie." 8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Lost count reeeeally quick 9. Where was your last kiss at? His bed 💁🏼 10. When is the last time you saw your sister? At least 2 weeks ago. 11. What do you drink in the morning? Caffeineeeeee 12. Where did you sleep last night? My bed. 13. Do you think relationships are hard? Sometimes, yes. 14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? Yes. 15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? The opposite of problems, actually. 16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Rainy 17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? No. It's Amelia, FYI. 18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? Sweatpants. 19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? I kinda hope so. 20. Does anyone like you? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I mean.... 21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? Nope. 22. Is the last person you kissed gay? Nope. 23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? Nah. I'm pretty patient. 24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yes! But I'm too scared and indecisive. 25. In the past week have you cried? Yes. 26. What breed was the last dog you saw? My puppy is a miniature pinscher/pug mix 27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? In. 28. Have you ever kissed a football player? Haha yeah. A couple. 29. Do you think you’re old? I feel old all the god damn time and I'm only 23. 30. Do you like text messaging? Yeah! 31. What type of day are you having? It's been alright. Slowly gotten better. 32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? No. 33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Cold 34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Most definitely. 35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? A relationship with the fun of a fling. Where you're both still super flirty with each other. Does that count? 36. Are you a simple or complicated person? Complicated. 37. What song are you listening to? Nothing. 38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? Always. 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? Rileigh. 40. What made you start liking the person you like now? He's really sweet. He makes me feel safe, he makes me feel cared for. He's also super cute. 41. When did you last receive a text message? Like .5 secs ago. 42. What is wrong with you right now? I have a massive headache 43. How well do you know the last female you texted? Like the back of my hand. 44. Does anyone disgust you? Donald Trump hahaha but for real 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? I'd like to think so. 46. Are you in a good mood right now? I'm okay. 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? The teacher I'm working under all semester. 48. What color shirt are you wearing? Grey. 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? I don't think so. 50. Anyone you’re giving up on? I'm not sure yet. 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. But he's married and we don't talk. We're indifferent I think. 52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? I'm fucking hopeless. Of course I have. 53. Do you like rain? Love it. 54. Do you care if your significant other drinks? No. Well, I guess I'll say it's okay as long as their priorities are straight. 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? No. I'm ridiculous and fall for people entirely too easily. 56. Do you like to cuddle? LOVE IT. 57. Are you shy? Very much so. 58. Do you get along with girls? Yeah. 59. Have you dated the person you texted last? No. 60. What do you carry with you at all times? Money, my phone, and some kind of gum usually. 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? I'm a pussy when it comes to haunted shit. So probably not. 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Easily. 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Yes. 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? I love it. 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? YEAH 66. How old are the last three people you kissed? 24, 24, 20. 67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Get them done. My hands are not steady enough to make them look nice. 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Leopard. 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? An obligatory ISU one, courtesy of my momma. 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Luke Bryan honestly. Lil Wayne is annoying as hell. 71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone? iPhone. 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? It's been a while. 73. Do you like diet soda? No. 74. What color are the walls in your room? White. 75. Are you 16 or older? Yes. 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? No. 77. Do you have a job? Yes! 78. What are your initials? SAB 79. Did you ever have braces? Nope. 80. Are you from the south? Midwest gal for life. 81. What does your last status on facebook say? Let's go Giants! ❤️💙 82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? Not very often. Only when I run into him around town. Perks of living in one spot your whole life! 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? Mom. Definitely. 84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? I'm so unathletic it's not even funny. 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? Hidden Figures. It was fucking awesome. 86. Do you smoke? When I'm drunk, occasionally. 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Flip flops. 88. Is your phone touch screen? Yep! 89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? Straight. 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? Haha.... no, never 😇 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? Any! 92. Have you ever made out in a car? Yes. 93. …Had sex in a car? Yes. 94. Are you single or in a relationship? Single 95. What were you doing last night at midnight? Sleepin. 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? 4th of July. 97. Do you like the camera on your phone? Sure 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Yeah. 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? No. 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? Lmao you mean everyone from high school? 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? No. 102. Name your favorite Kesha song: Come On. It's my god damn JAM 103. Do you have any tan lines right now? No 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? No.

[eccxntrix-blog1]

all the questions- kondo and zitao (( ily

⌠  ☆  ⌡—  ✍ : @theadmiredanddespised ( Dongjin & Alex ), we’re all pretty odd.

                       Meme | Accepting

Kondo | Zitao

1: What are you wearing?

“I’m wearing my boyfriends shirt and that’s pretty much it.”“I’m not wearing anything because it hot as fuck.”

2: Ever been in love?

”I’m in love now.” “Not before, but I am now.” 

3: Ever had a terrible breakup?

“No, but it’ll be terrible if Dongjin leaves me.”“Not really, I ran away from my last mate and it was the best decision of my life.”

4: How tall are you?

”5′3″”5′6″

5: How much do you weigh?

“ 54 kilograms”“I’m a fat blimp” 

6: Any tattoos do you want?

”Yeah, I want to get matching tattoo’s with my fianc锓I don’t know, but I know I’d want something small and cute.”

7: Any piercings that you want?

”I want my belly button pierced and a dydoe piercing. Hopefully, Dongjin would approve.”“I’m not really into piercings.”

8: OTP?

”Konjin””Zilex”

9: Favorite Show?

”I don’t really watch tv, I usually watch movies.”“Criminal minds.”

10: Favorite bands?

“Too many to count.”“Oh My Girl”

11: Something you miss?

”My parents.””My mate.”

12: Favorite song?

”I can’t really decided, I listen to so much music.””Super Junior- It’s You”

13: How old are you?

”21″”23″

14: Zodiac sign?

”Capricorn””Taurus”

15: Hair Color?

”Currently black””Black, I should dye my hair though, just to surprise my mate. Any suggestions?”

16: Favorite Quote?

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!”

17: Favorite singer?

“Me, myself, and I- Kidding, I’m secretly in love with Lady Gaga””I don’t really have a favorite.”

18: Favorite color?

“Taste the rainbow. Pun not really intended but yeah”“Burnt red”

19: Loud music or soft?

“Loud””Soft”

20: Where do you go when you’re sad?

“If Dongjin’s not home then I like to lay under the covers with Dongjin jr.”“I hide away in one of my nest, preferably the one in Alex’s office.”

21: How long does it take you to shower?

“Forever in a day.””I prefer quick sowers and long baths.”

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

“Forever. One, because I never know what to wear. Two, because Dongjin is quite touchy in the mornings. I don’t mind though, I do the same to him whenever he’s about to leave for a long business trip.””Not long, I barley wear any clothes now. I literally get out of the shower and put on Alex’s rob.”

23: Ever been in a physical fight?

“Nope.””Yes.”

24: Turn on?

“Dongjin.””Everything Alex does turns me on now. Even his yawns are sexy.”

25: Turn off?

“excessive body hair.””smoking”

26: The reason I joined Tumblr?

”What’s that?””I’m confused too.”

27: Fears?

“Dongjin leaving me one day.””Being a bad mother.”

28: Last thing that made you cry?

“I got a paper cut.””Alex was working overtime again. I really miss him.”

29: Last time you cried?

“Last week?””Last night. I’m an emotional wreak.”

30: Meaning behind your url

“your unfazed retro life.”“I don’t think that’s what they meant, Kondo.” 

31: Last book you read?

“I plea the fifth.”“I read my maternal books everyday.”

32: Last song you listened to?

“Seo In Guk- Bebe”“2ne1- I love you”

33: Last show you watched?

”Spongebob” “Stranger things, I’ve obsessed with Netflix lately.”

34: Last person you talked to?

“Dongjin, that turd at my last strip of bacon.”“The pups, Alex isn’t here.”

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?

“He’s my fiancé””He’s my mate and the father of my children.”

36: Favorite food?

“Chicken nuggets!!””Currently obsessed with marshmallows and Nutella.”

37: Place you want to visit?

“Spain, I need some sun and good food.””I just really want to go somewhere with an ocean view. I really want to go to the beach.”

38: Last place you were?

“I went to watch Dongjin during his dance practice. He’s really good at dancing and he looks mighty fine while doing it.”“The grocery store. I needed pickles.”

39: Do you have a crush?

“I have a husband. Well, he’s not my husband yet but he will be!”“ I’m in love.”

40: Last time you kissed someone?

“An hour ago. I need more kisses now that I think about it.”“Alex isn’t home, so I might as well kiss myself.”

41: Last time you were insulted and what was it?

“Someone said that just because I’m the size of a child that doesn’t give me the excuse to act like one. This was like in December I think. Dongjin made me cry, but he was right.” “i haven’t been insulted in a long time.”

42: What color underwear are you wearing?

”Pink, and they say ‘spank me’ on my bottom”“I’m not wearing any.”

43: What color shirt are you wearing?

”Grey””Not wearing a shirt, seriously- the only time I wear clothes is when I go to the store. ”

44: What color bottoms are you wearing?

”Not wearing any””I’m naked”

45: Wearing any bracelets?

”I’m wearing a ring””The one Alex made for me for Christmas.”  

46: Last sport you played?

”I ran track in high school””Alex and I play sports even night.”

47: Last song you sang?

”My own, duh!”“Closer by Oh My Girl”

48: Last prank call you remember doing?

“I tried to prank call Dongjin but he star 69′d me and my dumbass answered the phone.”“I’ve never done that before.”

49: Last time you hung out with anyone?

”We hung out with the girls.””Yeah, we’re not allowed to give you anymore details than that.”

50: Favorite movie

“Howl’s Moving Castle. Howl was hot, to be honest.”“Ponyo, Kondo has me obsessed with studio ghibli movies.”

[thegamesshed]

Here are our running, unedited thoughts on the Microsoft Xbox E3 2017 conference.

Microsoft Xbox One X was the first announcement tonight – formerly known as Scorpio, now the XOX is official.

6 Teraflop GPU 12GB GDDR memory 326GB/s Memory bandwidth True 4K

Looks exactly like an Xbox One S. It is actually also the smallest Xbox ever, how thoughtful.

From the off, all Xbox One games and accessories work, featuring enhancements on Xbox One titles. Supersampling for improved 1080p output and features a ‘Liquid-cooled Vapor Chamber’.

Footage of Forza Motorsport 7 comes next, along with a Porsche GT2RS vehicle unveiling. Random, unneeded.

Gameplay shown, mainly concentrating on dynamic weather. 700 cars Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche confirmed. Launches October 3rd. True 4K at 60FPS. A must buy if you enjoy your racers.

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  Metro Exodus – Amazing FPS loads of crazed creatures being given the blasty shooty bang bang. This has been added to the wishlist. The world looks interesting, exciting, desolate and steampunk. What’s not to like.

Assassins Creed Origins – set in ancient Egypt, looks more promising that previous AC titles, but still, we are going to steer clear for the time being. Stung far too often for this franchise to get remotely excited. More stealthy stuff with a hawk scanning area mechanic we’ve seen time and time again from Ubisoft. Roof climbing, silent drop kills, some decent looking melee combat, but nothing new.

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  PLAYERUNKNOWN’S BATTLEGROUNDS – it is coming to Xbox, it’s a ‘Console Launch Exclusive’, apparently. Can only be a good thing as presently the only way to play PUBG is on PC, and we all know what the PC gaming community can be like.

Voxel-y looking FPS horde DEEP ROCK GALACTIC. Interesting. Tiny pitiful claps from crowd. Not too much interest.

Generic zombie horde survival stuff in State of Decay 2. Same old. This will not be on my list to Santa this year.

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  Fake hype with on stage sports commentator with a game looking like Battleborne, no, it’s another Battle Royale style game – The Darwin Project. Looks absolutely terrible. No thanks, I’d rather watch Battle Royale 2.

Minecraft cross platform is announced, skins, textures etc. Literally the worst announcement at E3, ever. Possibly… no, wait, Xbox One X inspired ‘Super Duper Graphics Pack‘, just announced…. Still looks like Minecraft. Still not interested. And this special announcement was actual dog turd. Minecraft 4k.. because that’s what we all want.

  Dragonball FighterZ coming 2018 – enhanced for Xbox One X VERY decent looking fighter.

Exclusive: The MMORPG Black Desert – crazy fast, big creature battle thing.

Exclusive: The Artful Escape. Odd indie guitar nonsense.

More mythical creature melee battle ridiculousness in CodeVein for 2018 by Namco Bandai.

Sea of Thieves – the one many had been waiting for. Pirate ship shared world stuff. People are hyped for this. Lootable shipwrecks, sunken treasure, sharks (although they avoided attacking the character swimming right next to it. Pretty looking game with hideous character design. Island exploration, gun play, the undead gun-weilding skeletons, firing people from the cannon, mysterious riddles, cave exploration, digging for treasure.

TACOMA – err.. blue and orange people floating. Nothing more to say.

Another exclusive… a fox, looks like a 3D platformer… yes, yes it is. Now everyone is making them again it seems. This is an Xbox one exclusive… in all fairness I’m not sure anyone will be that jealous about this. It’s called Super Lucky’s Tale, if you’re interested. Decent enough, but I don’t really know if it’s got too many people itching for release.

Cuphead up next. Mad 40’s / 50’s cartoon looking game Xbox fans have been chomping at the bit for… still not seen much.

Crackdown 3. An odd Terry Crews trailer. Gameplay for this looks interesting. Lots of destruction, shooting and explosions. Nice colour pallet, gravity defying leaps around the city. Car slinging. Bridge explosions. Interesting. Too much Crews.

Ashen: cute looking mysterious title. Intriguing.

Another exclusive, it’s……a girl smoking cigarettes… she has no facial emotions, even when seemingly angry, slamming her fists down… it’s… Life is Strange Before The Storm.

Fantasy realms and orks up next in Charismatic Ork Battle 5… no, it’s Middle Earth’s Shadow of War. More crazy middle earth stuff, actually appears to have some very solid battle mechanics. Looks interesting. A game I will be keeping an eye on. Loads of great stuff shown here in a short time. Sign me up!

Xbox at E3 2017 – Live TGS Summary Here are our running, unedited thoughts on the Microsoft Xbox E3 2017 conference. Microsoft Xbox One X was the first announcement tonight - formerly known as Scorpio, now the XOX is official.

[iamahufflepuffhearmeroar]

Bizarre Questions & Answers

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? All the time. 2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? 5 3. The person you would never want to meet? Satan. Feel like we'd have some issues. 4. What is your favorite word? Random 5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? A pine tree. So I can shit pine cones and make you question if it's a pine cone or a turd on the sidewalk. And then watch you sidestep it anyway just to be safe. Downside: High fatality rate during winter. 6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? Is that really my hair? Jesus. 7. What shirt are you wearing? A black shirt that says 'Love me, love me not. Whatever.' 8. What do you label yourself as? A weirdo 9. Bright room or dark room? Depends. When I'm sleepy? Dark room. When I'm happy? Bright room. 10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Uhhhhhh. Sleeping. 11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? I miss being 8. 12. Who told you they loved you last? My friend Marissa 13. Your worst enemy? My heart 14. What is your current desktop picture? The beach 15. Do you like someone? As in a friend way? Yeah, I like loads of people. As in romantically? No 16. The last song you listened to? 'Seven Nation Army' by The White Stripes 17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? My aunt who lives in Montana 18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? Every single person who's ever broken my heart. This one's for you lot. 19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Eddie Redmayne. He'd have to love me. 20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) My neck 21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? I'd have dirty blonde hair that looks brown, with product in it to spike it softly, but there'd be a slight curl in it to make it evident I have curly hair. Blue eyes, pale complexion, dark rimmed glasses. I'd wear a plaid shirt with converse and boot cut jeans, because skinny jeans are horrible. Stud belt. Black watch. Rings on hands, silver, not gold. Tattoos. 22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? I do watercolor paintings and actually won an award for a watercolor painting in school 23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Holes 24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Oh. Um. Tuna with pickles on toasted Italian. Sorry, I'm lame with sandwiches. 25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? I wouldn't want to. I'd feel too guilty. I'd try to find the person who dropped it, and if I couldn't, I'd probably put it in a box on top of a shelf and never touch it because the guilt would be too great. I'd eventually donate it to charity. It'd be for a good cause. 26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? That gives me anxiety. But England. 27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? I've never liked beer. Um... Mike's Hard Lemonade. Yeah. 28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? If you're a fuckboy/fuckgirl, you're drowning first. 29. What is your favorite expletive? Fuck 30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? Uh. God. My purse. 31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? There's so many. Probably... my first true, honest to god, I-want-to-die heartbreak. Just take that out of there. 32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Okay this is the coolest superpower ever. Can I marry Eddie Redmayne? I'll move to England and be with Eddie Redmayne. 33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Shit. I don't know. My sister. 34. What was your last dream about? My ex. 35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I'm a good artist, particularly with water colors. 36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? No 37. Have you ever built a snowman? I have. It was a disappointment. 38. What is the color of your socks? I'm not wearing any 39. What type of music do you like? All sorts of kinds. Give me a song and I'll listen. 40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets 41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate, but I also love vanilla and strawberry. I'm sorry, I just love milkshakes. 42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) Seahawks (can't help it, I live in Washington) 43. Do you have any scars? Yes, several 44. What do you want to be when you graduate? Successful 45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I'm already physically beautiful. I would say... any insecurity. 46. Are you reliable? On some things 47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? 'Are you happy?' 48. Do you hold grudges? Yes 49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A dear (dog bear) 50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? A conversation with a coworker of mine, in which case he apparently was attempting to woo me by telling me he was psychotic and I was sitting there looking for an escape route 51. Are you a good liar? Only when I'm feeling like I want to die. Ironic, no? 52. How long could you go without talking? A couple of hours 53. What has been you worst haircut/style? That time when I was a kid and I cut off one side of my hair to the point I had a bob 54. Have you ever baked your own cake? Several times 55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Uhhhhh. Very poor British that turns into Scottish that turns into Australian. 56. What do you like on your toast? Butter 57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? A man with half his head exploding 58. What would be you dream car? 1967 Chevy Impala 59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Yes. I sing along to Adam Lambert and do the Salsa. 60. Do you believe in aliens? Oh yeah 61. Do you often read your horoscope? No, I choose my own path, but it's occasionally interesting to read as a piece of fiction 62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? R 63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dragons 64. What do you think about babies? They're cute until they puke