#i like the dilemma of having a really kind-hearted character who's carrying a weight too heavy on his shoulders

[tartagliaxx]

If requests are open, can I ask for Kazuha with a disabled reader ? I kinda need comfort after a breakup and my illnesses are acting up qwq sorry if it's too much of a bother, I hope you have a nice day

" TO WEATHER A CHERRY BLOSSOM "

━━ ☆ PAIRING: kazuha/reader

━━ ☆ GENRE: comfort

━━ ☆ SUMMARY: night slowly breaks into dawn but before that happens, untold weights are lifted through a simple love song that escaped his lips. just like that, he has planted his roots into your heart and you were all too willing to let him do so.

━━ ☆ WARNINGS: none

"you're crying."

it didn't feel like it. between the cool breeze that gently wiped your tears away, the bright moon that oversaw the small field of flowers you found yourself trapped in, and the smooth cut off his voice in the dreadful silence, the last thing on your mind was the numbing void in your heart that carved a river down your cheeks. the pain — or the lack thereof after you spent it all out until your voice was hoarse — was poetic in a sense. it's the same kind that kazuha himself would sing to in his journal of poems filled with contradictions, dilemmas, and shaky pillars of identity.

"how did you find me?"

"i could hear the wind pick up as it passes the north though most telling is," he stopped as he reached your side, eyes trailing over your puffed out features before turning back to the view. "the sound of your tears and aching heart."

"ah, was i being too loud?"

"no... it was concern that led my feet to you. i have come to realize that the soul seeks nourishment in the company of another when it is most lonesome."

you couldn't help the chuckle that slipped out of you and true, it might not be as lively as it usually was but it was genuine nonetheless. "thank you but you don't need to worry yourself for my sake. i'll be fine. you should get some sleep."

"i do not belittle your strength but in a matter of an hour or so, we shall be seeing daybreak. what say you and i see it together? i've heard it's good luck to witness the first light and what better way to do so but with good company?"

you've traveled far and wide, stepped on the same soil, and engraved your spirit in the same pathways he has, and yet, you have never heard of that belief. it was a lie then but you couldn't find it in you to be angry when kazuha tipped his head down with an embarrassed hue on his normally pale cheeks.

"and here i thought you disliked dishonesty."

"your displeasure calls for a little hypocrisy."

"then," you laughed, scooting over to the left side of the rock to let him sit by you. "it's only fair that i allow you to stay."

"and with much gratitude, i accept."

grounded is the last thing you should be feeling when you all but cursed the gods for the unlucky hand they have dealt you but it wasn't hard to think otherwise when his fingers brushed over yours in passing — when his legs are more or less glued to yours in the cramped space you shared. it was amusing to see nature herself playing the matchmaker in the unlikeliest place possible. her idea of romance was the falling leaves, all yellowed and dry as the seasons began to change. it fell — carrying with it the feelings and memories of the people it has witnessed be loved and unloved. you wondered if there was a leaf that held you in its heart but there was no time to ponder for so long when a mystery was sat beside you. the leaves fell — bringing each second to an end with nothing but silence in its wake.

"aren't you going to ask?"

"it's not my place to pry it out of you but should you wish to talk, i listen well."

kazuha is a man of great character and it's nearly impossible to describe who he was without first explaining where rainbows end and why the earth trembles. should you try, however, you'd call him eloquent... and genuine and magnificent and kind and incredibly in tune with the feelings of those he holds dear. you had no intention of burdening him, really, but when his eyes flashed with the same hesitance you have in yours, you found that announcing the existence of the weight you held on your shoulder was an easier task than you have been told.

"have you... have you ever been bothered by this?"

even this artistic genius of a man needed more than a vague implication.

"i mean... there are things that... i can't do well — or at all — and it's not like i can control it either. it's just... i don't know... it just messes me up in here." a finger tapped on your temple, "and in here." dropped down parallel to your heart.

for a while, kazuha didn't speak. instead, he moved his hand to pick up the leaf that got trapped in your clothes and he fiddled with it as if the right words would come to him at the right time with the right amount of inspiration. he looked so steady even when he twisted his head to stare up at the dark skies. he was so unlike the rampant beat of your heart that damn near felt like it would burst any moment — rhythm lost and far more frenzied than a team of horses out for a night jog.

"you know... the trees in my home were said to be interconnected in its magnificent flush. be that as it may, it would never know of its beauty even if a million eyes were to sink in a perpetual stare."

"that's..." a strange comment to make but oddly fitting of his peculiarity, "insightful?"

a good word.

"you are not too unlike the trees back home. you have planted your immoveable roots in the hearts of many and yet you do not see the way they admire you when your arms are too busy cradling your so-called flaws. even when thunder shakes the earth or the rain blurs the colors of your bloom, you are a sight to behold and i say this with full confidence. i do not see you the way you see yourself because whenever i gaze up at you, i only see the glorious masterpiece of your worth."

"kazuha..."

he only shook his head with a soft smile, unbandaged hand moving to intertwine your hand with his. he has never looked this fond, so affectionate, and oh so lovely in his entire life. what is god's blessing if not placing you across him to be the receiver of a true lover's devotion?

"no storm would not eventually come to a pass. when the skies clear up once more, i shall be there to witness it, and should autumn come, i shall be here to wait for your spring with a poem at hand. whether we are sailing the clouds or gliding the seas... i shall choose your name above any other even if everyone else questions it. that is my vow to you and i swear it on my heart and my blade."

"you...." are too choked up with your emotions, eyes glossed over with the unshed tears that came with the feeling of being loved — of being accepted regardless of what made you different from an average joe. leave it to him to serve poetic justice. endearing, really, this wanderer from afar. "you're quite well-spoken."

he was more than that and he knew that from the shaky smile on your lips.

"you flatter me."

you stared at his kind eyes, a vibrant ruby red that burned with a passion not many can see with their naked eyes. if he was the proof that you are worthy of everything and so much more, then you'd gladly believe — until the last petal falls; until the word reverence loses the meaning it beholds. it came all too sudden but the void in your chest transformed into a massive explosion that set your veins alight — stardust free-flowing into your bloodstream that tingled every time contact with him is made.

you opened your mouth to say something — a thank you, an i appreciate you — anything — but by the time the first word falls off your mouth, today's morn shines upon your skin like a welcome home of comfort and peace. "ah! the sun's rising!"

"so it appears." with a contented sigh, kazuha turns back to you though your gaze has long left him. he doesn't mind, not in the slightest. if anything, he's thankful that you misread his gestures just this once. "may the winds blow gentler to her facade this time around."

━━ ☆ NOTES: hello! i'm so sorry to hear that you have been having a rough time. just as kazuha said, no storm wouldn't eventually pass and while things may be rough right now, i feel that one day you'll wake up and it's a little bit more manageable. hang in there! on a more technical standpoint, i considered this as an emergency request (the only kind i am accepting at the present) and so it was a little bit rushed. i'm sorry if it's not up to standard ;-; anyway, i hope this short story, no matter how out of character and vague, was able to provide some comfort to you. have a nice day as well!

[spasmsofthought]

rituals. (zuko x water tribe!reader)

+This turned out to be far longer than I anticipated it to be, but I couldn’t get this idea out of my head. I’m sorry if Zuko feels out of character; I tried my best to not make him so. I wrote him in my mind to be older than 16 and with, at least, a year of Fire Lord experience with him. All of the things he says in this fic may not be completely on point, but I hope I made sense of his character in this situation and kept an accurate frame of reference for you to hold onto! 

I’ve been thinking: What would it have been like to marry the Fire Lord if you were an outsider, from another nation/element? And where that question led me is what produced this. 

I tried my best to have accurate research, but if something’s off or wrong, please kindly let me know! I’m not an expert about the fandom here. 

Otherwise, I hope you enjoy this mess of fluffy Fire Lord Zuko and a Water Tribe OC just trying to navigate the way between two different cultures. 

Read Part II here! 

Like, comment, reblog! 

--

“Thank you.” You smile softly as some Fire Palace officials make their way out of the giant, ornate room. Their faces are more stoic, but there is one older man who gives you a slight quirk of his lips before they are back in a thin line. He’s been the only one who has been semi-kind to you. The rest of them have just been rigid and downright insufferable. It takes a few moments before their footsteps recede and you are surrounded by silence. 

It turns out that the Fire Lord asking you to become his wife comes with a lot more than you thought it would. 

And of course, you had never been blind to the fact that Zuko is of royal lineage. His family has passed down the title and office of Fire Lord for generations. The people of the Fire Nation have known this family for over a century. 

The blood definitely feels thicker than water here, though Zuko’s own familial situation may testify against that. 

How naïve of you to think any of this would be simple and easy. Nothing about this past century has been.

You press your head to the solid table beneath you, hand-crafted and polished so that it shines like the stars you remember seeing at night back home. Frustration and stress knit your shoulders together, your arms curling in towards your midsection.  

Deep breath in, the voice of your mother reminds you. You can barely remember her face now, lost to time, but her voice still somehow stays clear. You hope it stays that way for a long time. Now let it go, she says, too. 

If you close your eyes, you can almost picture your little family’s home. The sea squid hanging out to dry so that it can be prepared for supper and her bed disheveled but lined with furs that keep you both warm at night and during the coldest days. It’s probably empty now, a home to no one. 

You exhale, forehead still pressed against the table. You repeat the process a few more times, trying to somehow expel the tightness of your shoulders. The weight stays. Despite whatever you may lose,  being with Zuko is the closest to home you will ever feel now. 

You get up from your seated position at the table and move to a window, looking down at the picturesque landscape of a quiet pond garden. You lean against a pillar supporting the ceiling and try to absorb yourself in the peaceful scenery. You close your eyes and try to listen to the sound of the soft breeze rustling the leaves of the tree. You just want it all to go away for a second.

“Have they exhausted you yet?” A gravelly voice behind you asks. 

You turn to see Zuko standing in the open doorway. He’s dressed in all his formal attire, of course, but he seems to carry his own weight on his shoulders today. 

Idiot, you think, of course he looks stressed and weighed down. He’s trying to re-establish peace among four nations after the 100-year war his ancestor started. 

“Yeah, sure.” You mumble and smile softly. 

The moment doesn’t last long before you turn back to the pond, stomach churning now. The grief and the stress mingle together. You miss home, you miss the weather and wearing your furs. You miss your parents, who have been gone for four years; your father to the war and your mother to sickness. The ache never seems to go away, but it dulls when Zuko is able to be around. 

Zuko makes his way to stand beside you, saying nothing as he directs his gaze also to the peaceful pond, undisturbed by people or the noise of the outside world. 

Despite what you had been told about the Fire Nation your whole life growing up, and what you’d been told about Zuko during the War, you’d always appreciated when he did this. Despite his title and the lineage he carries, he’s always treated you like an equal. You are no less to him because you are female, and you are no less to him because you come from the Water Tribe. 

If it had been a few years ago, you wonder if he would have thought differently. Or perhaps he has always been able to understand honor more than most since he was a child, and that was part of the reason he was the one who was destined to be Fire Lord all along. 

You take in the side profile of his face for a moment, trying to gather the strength you’ve always had inside you.  

“I don’t want to worry you,” You begin, turning back to the view of the pond. 

It’s still and quiet and sounds like a great place to escape to in this present moment. 

“I’ll let you know when I can’t handle it,” His sardonic tone answers back. 

You know he means it as a joke, but there’s a stark truth to his words. He’s handled much more than a trivial conversation about what may be bothering you.

You take a moment to organize your thoughts so that you don’t come across as an emotional train wreck. Zuko has always seemed to have infinite patience with you while you express your emotions, but emotional intelligence is new to him as well. You don’t want to burden him with trying to figure out your emotions while he’s trying to cope with and understand his own. 

“I just... I didn’t know how difficult this would be.” 

“What?” He sounds a bit surprised. 

“Adopting your culture as my own,” Zuko opens his mouth but you stop him before he can even begin. “From a shallow frame of reference, I had always known your culture and your people would be different than mine. And the time I spent traveling back and forth from the Water Tribe to here when I was only your girlfriend gave me some exposure, but I didn’t know. Not really. Most of your people have been so indoctrinated by nationalistic propaganda that our union wouldn’t have really even been conceivable a few years ago.” 

There’s another moment of silence as you take a breath and exhale it. In and out. Zuko doesn’t try to interrupt the moment with platitudes or words of comfort, and that’s another thing you’ve grown to love about him. 

He doesn’t say something he doesn’t mean. It’s not in his nature to do so. 

In allowing each of you to struggle with the weight of your words and emotions, he honors your emotions without dismissing them. Sometimes, it leaves you speechless because the practice is so ingrained in him, there are times he doesn’t even notice he does it. 

“I can adapt. That’s not what I’m worried about. My people are strong because we are so willing to adapt to change, just like the ocean: strong and flexible. I can belong here without losing myself. I just don’t have anything to bring with me. There is no recognition of my culture, and since these meetings have started a few days ago, I get shut down every time I try to bring something into what should be the happiest day of my life.” 

You turn to him also and take a step closer. His expression remains neutral and you can tell it’s going to take some time for him to digest all of this. For a moment, you place your hands on his chest, clothed with the finest robes available in the Fire Nation. 

“When I said yes to your proposal, to the reality of a life with you, I meant it with all of my heart. I still do. But I have nothing tying me to my homeland or the place of my birth like you do here.”

He looks like he has a thousand things to say, but then the words fade away before they even make it out of his mouth. Zuko’s face turns back towards the outside, looking out at the pond as a soft breeze again disturbs the tree by the water. He always gets this look in his eyes when he’s in deep thought. The dilemma is less with him and his position as Fire Lord and more with how to integrate you in his world without making you “fit in” in ways you were never supposed to. 

“If I’ve learned anything over the past few years,” He begins, still standing straight and looking outside. “It’s that nothing in the world is right if there is no balance.” 

He reaches inside his formal robe and pulls out a box. Your brows furrow in confusion, because Zuko is not one to give gifts. 

“I was going to give this to you later, but it seems like the right time now.” He shrugs and hands you the box while a hand goes to rub his neck. 

He always does this when he feels shy or flustered. It’s kind of cute to see the “decisive Fire Lord” act like a teen aged boy. He had rare opportunity to act like one before. 

The box is like a square and a silk ribbon is tied around it. Your fingers work at the knot while you raise your eyebrow at him. You place the ribbon on the windowsill once it’s unraveled and gently pull the lid off the box. It may have looked inexpensive, but you never truly knew in the Fire Nation. 

The thing inside almost takes your breath away. It’s all blue, every single bit of it. 

It’s a betrothal necklace. 

You didn’t even know Zuko knew they existed, let alone what it would have meant in your culture if he gave you one. (Granted, he’s already asked you to marry him, but for the moment you dismiss the thought.) 

It’s true, most marriages are arranged by parents or parental figures in the Water Tribe. Most people at home are not as lucky as you have been to freely choose a partner, whether inside the Tribe or outside of it. Sometimes it seems a more hollowed out gesture when neither party is truly looking to get married for love. But the ones that do always give the necklace its meaning and purpose. 

“I asked Katara for some help,” He began to explain as you stare at the necklace. “I didn’t know what I was doing or where I should go, so she was the one who guided me. She gave me some ideas of what the carving in the stone should represent, but in the end, I came up with the design by myself.” 

Zuko rubs the back of his neck again as you glance between him and the necklace. 

The choker is dark blue as always, but the color gives you some semblance of peace. Blue isn’t a very prominent color displayed in the Fire Nation. Indeed, the stone fastened to the choker has already been carved into. The design is somehow intricate and simple at the same time. It is intimate without being gaudy or overdone. It is all blue and reflective of the culture you grew up in and the one you still carry with you. 

“You carved it yourself?” You whisper, not doubting the answer but still needing to ask it. Zuko just nods and your eyes well up with tears. He doesn’t even know how sacred this necklace is to you in a place where no one else will ever understand its full importance and meaning. 

“Will you put it on for me?” You hand the necklace to him as you also discard the box on the windowsill and turn your back to him. You’re thankful your hair is already tied back (still adorned with various blue beads from your background) as you sweep it to the side so Zuko can clasp the necklace around your neck. 

The weight of it is unfamiliar but grounding. It anchors you to the truth. It reminds you that no matter what marrying Zuko looks like, you carry your culture with you wherever you go. The way you treat others, hold yourself, and what you, hopefully, pass down to your children is far more important than what traditions you do or don’t adhere to in a ceremony. 

“I’ll talk to the officials,” He offers as he clasps the choker together. “You should be able to have all the customs that are important to you when we get married. You have always been my equal, but this time it will be a fact and not just an assumption.” 

You touch the stone with your fingers as you turn back to face him. The tears are already sliding down your cheeks, but you also give him a sweet close-lipped smile. He knows but he doesn’t. And that is what makes him so beautiful. 

You cup his face between your palms and feel him relax a little. Physical affection had never been a priority in his childhood or adolescence, but you can tell he’s starting to understand why you think it’s important to give and receive it. 

“Thank you,” You say, smiling wider. 

You close the distance and bring your mouth towards his. The kiss is steady and soft but also full of unrestrained emotion. Zuko gives you a second one before you both pull apart. He just shakes his head. 

“I think I’m the one who should be thanking you.” He whispers back as he brings you to his chest. 

He is home now, and that is what matters. 

[val-bananatine]

Mikannie Week Day 3

Title: Mikannie Week Day 3,  Anchor in the stormy seas / The breath taking hug

Pairing: Mikasa x Annie (Mikannie)

Genre: canonverse, canon-divergent / time altered, hurt and comfort, slightly OOC because both of these couldn’t start a feelsy conversation even if their life depended on it

Rating: K+

Overall word count: 2,802

Disclaimer: The characters used in this story are not mine, they and Attack On Titan belong to Hajime Isayama. I simply am borrowing these lovely gals for a fanfiction One Shot. Also this story is based on the prompt: “A gives B a hug that makes them lose their breath”.

Summary: Day 3 of the @mikannieweek 2020, with the prompt canon - verse! Late at night, before the group parts onto the plan and ship, two lost, young women can’t sleep -- both too occupied with their own thoughts and struggles. As they meet in one of the ship halls, they slowly began to talk, and Mikasa offered herself to be the anchor in the storming sea of emotions that Annie needs in that very moment.

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A young woman with short, black hair was aimlessly strolling through the dark hallways of the ship and storage halls, her way only being lightened up by the few faint rays of the moonlight that shone through the small windows from time to time. Her gaze was fixated on the floor, her brows furrowed as she slowly walked into one of the halls.

She only looked up once she stepped through the door frame of the hallway that connected the halls, seemingly checking where she was. Just as she wanted to continue her stroll, she noticed a silhouette in the corner of her eye.

The young woman raised her eyebrow and turned her head in that direction to see another person leaning against the reeling of the water canal which lead ships outside. She padded towards the person and narrowed her eyes in hopes of recognizing the features. As she got close enough, she could distinguish the light blonde hair and parts of their hoodie being illuminated by the moonlight.

“Annie?” She stopped focusing her eyes the moment she recognized the other woman and looked at her back with a tilted head – but she got no reaction of her, not even a movement of the head to show that she heard Mikasa calling her name.

After a few seconds of waiting with no reply, Mikasa got a step closer and began to stretch her hand out after the smaller woman – only to hesitate in her movement and stop just as she was about to touch her shoulder.

Annie was seemingly so lost in thoughts that she neither heard the steps echoing through the hall, nor her name being called; She hasn’t really noticed anything of her environment. If she now would suddenly feel a grip on her shoulder – Mikasa shook her head at the thought of most likely scaring her to death and completely shutting herself in out of shock.

Instead she decided to not pursue her concerns about Annie’s behavior any further for now and padded next to the other girl. Leaning against the iron fence, Mikasa watched the small waves of the water stream and the hall fell into silence once more.

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Minutes passed without neither saying a word, both seemingly too lost in their thoughts and memories to say something. That was until Annie tilted her head towards Mikasa, her cheek resting on her hands.

Even if the movement was small, it was still registered by the taller woman, who lifted her head up, still seeming to be in thoughts before stating: “It’s a quiet night, isn’t it?”

Annie’s mouth opened a little before she closed it again, raising an eyebrow as she tried to make a sense out of the sheer random question. However, she did not ask about it and instead stayed silent.

Mikasa followed her example and the hall fell into silence once more – but only for a few moments.

“So…” Annie’s propped herself up with her elbows, her gaze staying focused on the taller woman next to her.  “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing, you know?” Mikasa moved her head slightly to eye Annie, who silently stared at her without commenting. And so Mikasa shrugged her shoulders before explaining: “Well – I couldn’t sleep.”

“Because of Eren?”

“Yeah–“ Mikasa sighed before she stared down at the water stream. As she watched it flow, she quietly carried on– “Everything honestly. So much is going on and is at stake… Taking a walk helps me in sorting it all out – and to get a clear mind again.”

“I see…” Annie nodded slowly while listening, her gaze trailing to the water once more. “Well… I mean – uh, if talking about it helps you–“

Mikasa let out a soft chuckle, something which made Annie blink and quickly turn her head to the taller woman, only to see her shaking her head with a soft smile: “It’s fine, thinking helps enough. Besides –“ She tilted her head slightly as her gaze and smile softened even more– “I wouldn’t want to put even more weight onto your shoulders with worries…  Seeing that you seem to be fighting your very own battle right now.”

“I –“ The blonde’s eyes widened slightly and she opened her mouth to say something, but only one word managed to slip out. She tried again, but she couldn’t find the right things to reply about Mikasa’s very true observation, and so she lowered her gaze and started to fiddle with the sleeve of her, a little too big, blouse.

Mikasa watched the smaller woman’s reaction with a soft, understanding look in her eyes and patiently waited for her to settle on what to do before she elaborated: “Annie, I’ve still known you for years. It’s – not that hard to tell when something is of, for any of us. We’ve all still been one troop. It’s not like you to be that quiet and lost in thoughts. You were so deep in them that you didn’t even hear me in the slightest.”

Quietness filled the hall as Annie stared on the floor and bit her lip, seemingly thinking before she let out a soft sigh: “I mean… I did hear you, kind of. But…“

Her voice broke, and silence filled the room. Annie’s mouth opened again, but no sound came out. It was as if she wasn’t even sure on what to say. Mikasa’s face only softened more at the sight and she carefully put a hand on the blonde’s shoulder: “But you didn’t have the energy to react while thinking about it. It’s okay.”

The blonde looked up at her when she felt the light grasp on her shoulder, her mouth still opened before sighing quietly.

Mikasa tilted her head as she watched the smaller woman in front of her, her eyes showing the sympathy she felt for her situation as she quietly suggested: “Do you want to talk about it though?”

Annie’s eyes widened at first, though she averted her eyes while mumbling: “You know– I can say the same back about not wanting to add more weight…”

“If it helps you.” The taller woman shrugged before turning around to fully leaning against the reeling again. She did notice Annie silently watching her movements, but since no words followed from the smaller one, she decided to elaborate: “I appreciate the concern, but it’s alright – I’ve made up my mind about it already. No matter how I look at it, it won’t change anyways; it won’t change the fact that I’m set on bringing Eren back.”

At last Mikasa turned her head around and propped her face on her hands to look at Annie, who was in a similar position, her eyes not fully focused on Mikasa as she listened to her observation: “But I notice that it’s not that easy for you – yet at least. Whatever it is, it’s heavy, I can tell. So if talking about it helps you to ease it, I see no problem in listening.”

“I…” Annie averted her gaze from Mikasa and bit her lip, seemingly thinking of what to say. “I – don’t know. It’s just –”

“Too much. Everything is.” The blonde’s head hung low as she let out a deep breath, her eyes by now focusing on the water stream instead of averting Mikasa’s gentle, caring look. “I’m – I’m here now, on humanity’s side. Even… even though –“

Her voice broke and she could not finish the sentence. She again took a deep breath, trying to hinder herself from sobbing out loud. And Mikasa’s expression turned from gentle into a pained one, yet she didn’t know how she could possibly help in this dilemma, which only was the beginning – and so she decided to silently listen when Annie regained her quiet voice: “It’s… nothing personal, you know…? But I know what I saw… and what I was told – and I can’t bring myself to just ignore it – even if we’re on the same end now. We’re – running, and at the same time prepare for a final battle –“

Annie’s voice grew quieter and more hoarse, her hands loosened the grip on the fence and began to shake, while she got lost in her thoughts and tried to form some kind of sense as all the words she could think of left her mouth: “But… I don’t want to fight anymore… not against you, or anyone else… And –“

Once more she struggled to finish the sentence, or the thought that ran through her mind as she interrupted herself with a loud sob, hiccups and sobs leaving her mouth in between her words until she could not speak properly anymore: “And now – I... I don’t have a reason to fight…  anymore –“

Strong arms wrapped themselves around the shaking blonde and pulled her closer to embrace her in a tight and warm hug, so tight – she felt like the air left her lungs for a moment, making her gasp loud in surprise. As she looked up with an open mouth and wide eyes, tears still streaming down her face, her gaze met Mikasa’s small yet pained eyes.

Annie felt as if time stood still for an eternity where they just stared at each other – yet it was only a few seconds until Mikasa whispered, almost inaudibly for her: “I’m here for you, Annie.”

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Mikasa couldn’t tell what exactly drove her to this; she couldn’t tell what this almost magical force was that made her step closer to the blonde – that aching in her heart as she saw her breaking down about something she could only guess she knew oh so well in a way. She couldn’t why those soft, comforting words left her mouth, but they did – and it felt right.

And so, as Annie averted her gaze again and simply rested her head against Mikasa’s chest to let her tears fall freely, the dark haired woman began to rub her back in slow circles to calm her down.

While watching the smaller blonde she couldn’t help but to bit her lip, the pained expression deepening – something that Annie gladly didn’t see. She knew that she should say more, or something for the matter; but what was there for her to say that would have the wanted impact? She still could only guess what it was that pains Annie so much, and that it was linked to her break down at the mention of not being able to save Liberio – but guessing didn’t help her in finding up cheering words. It never was a strength of her to begin with, especially if she doesn’t even know from what exactly she should cheer the other up.

“Hey…” Mikasa’s voice was only a whisper when she began talking, her mind roaming with the most various thoughts and phrases as she tried to find some way of saying the right words. “You don’t have to fight anyone… not against them, or us… But –“

Mikasa could feel Annie head moving a little up at the last words, the sobbing quietening down for a second – until it began again. The taller women assumed it was an attempt to stop, and proceeded to rub her back with a hint of more pressure when she elaborated: “But… you have to against yourself… in a way. I – I can only guess what was in Liberio. And – I never wish to find out how it’s like… I –“

_______________________________________

Once more she stopped to try and find the last words again, but Annie didn’t fully notice. Her heart clenched at the mentioning of Liberio; her fists balled together and clasped onto the thin jacket Mikasa was wearing as she sobbed out loud. But through all this she could still notice how much Mikasa struggled with this situation as well. Annie tilted her head and looked up to see Mikasa biting her lip and staring past her; this sight made her look down for a split second and mumble in between tears: “I – I’m sorry… to burden you with this…”

“Don’t have to be.” Mikasa’s look was focused on Annie the moment she heard her speaking, and her gaze softened at the apology and made her shake her head. “It’s – tough for you, and sometimes we need to let it out… It’s okay.”

For a moment nothing more was said, all you could hear were sniffles and sobs, while Mikasa silently rubbed the blonde’s back. Only after letting out a quiet sigh Mikasa murmured: “I am sorry though.”

As she saw Annie slowly moving her head up to look at her with confused, teary eyes and a tilted head, she continued: “I should have known that mentioning your home would hurt. So I’m sorry for making you feel worse.”

“No – No, it’s okay…” Annie croaked as she weakly shook her head, “It’s not your fault… It’s just… Thinking about my father hurts.”

The dark-haired woman attentively listened as Annie’s voice grew quieter and quieter into a hoarse whisper: “I… I promised him that I’ll come back… And I couldn’t keep it.”

More tears began to stream down the small blonde’s eyes once more as she thought about it, and so she buried her face into the taller woman’s shoulder, while said woman hugged her closer again. With a soft look in her face she crooned “Don’t say that… In a way you can still keep it.”

“Huh..?”

“One day you’ll meet each other again, Annie. But that day isn’t today… nor very soon.” As Mikasa softly explained, one of her hands slowly moved up to Annie’s face to carefully brush some strands of hair behind her ear. “I’m sure he knows too… I’m also sure that he still loves you… and that he’d want you to live your life until the time to meet again comes.”

The small blonde found herself leaning into the touch, feeling her aching heart relax just slightly – and her mind slowly wandering away to think about what was said. “Yeah…”

________________________________________________________________

Over the time, Annie’s sobs and tears fully faded – yet neither of them wanted to let go of the warm, comforting embrace and instead stayed silently together for a long while.

Annie, having leaned her head back into Mikasa’s shoulder by now, quietly stared into the water stream as she mumbled a soft: “Hey… Mikasa…”

“Hm?”

Her mind seemed to have wandered long, twisted ways in the meantime for what was on her tongue. She hesitated at first, biting her lip, before she mumbled with a voice full of concern: ”… Don’t kill yourself when you bring Eren back, okay?”

The dark haired woman didn’t respond at first. She looked down, and while Annie silently was waiting for an answer, she let out a quiet sigh.

Before she could say something, Annie could guess which words would leave her mouth, the smaller woman moved her head up to look at Mikasa, who purposely averted her gaze “Mikasa, I mean it. I – know that you’re set on bringing him back… but please – be careful.”

“I’ll try, but…” The moment that those words left the tall woman’s mouth, a small frown started to appear on Annie’s face. Mikasa turned her head to look at the smaller woman, her brows furrowed together while stressing: “But I can’t lose him. I won’t let it happen, under any circumstances.”

“Look –“ Now it was Annie’s turn to sigh out – “I get that…”

“But please – think about it.” Annie tilted her head as she got lost in her thoughts, her frown being overshadowed by a deep dark, sad shadow over her eyes, her voice beginning to tremble slightly again. “I… I couldn’t save the last person of my family. And – of course I don’t want you to suffer from the same…. But I also want to spare Eren that pain.”

Mikasa’s heart grew heavy as she listened, knowing deep down how very right she was, and what Annie was trying to say with it. As she saw Annie staring right at her, she immediately glanced away, biting her lip and feeling her throat swell when Annie hit the bulls eye of the problem: “You both are your last family members.”

“I –“ Mikasa couldn’t find a proper response to it. A deep sigh left her lips and she looked down onto the cold floor. But no matter how much she twisted and turned it in her head to find a reason why sacrificing herself would do the trick – she couldn’t deny how right Annie was. In a last attempt she hoped to find a defense attempt in her mumbling: “I– Know… I just– ”

But before she finished the last word, Annie interrupted her with a concerned yet stern voice as she pled: “So promise me that you’ll return with him?”

“…. I will.”

The end~

[youngerdaniel]

Youngo’s 2019 at the Movies (with Baby Yoda)

IT’S THAT TIME AGAIN, FOLKS...

Wherein this blog crawls out of the woodwork with fresh aspirations for a more consistent content strategy in the year to come. Like a Baby Yoda emerging from his floating iron egg to great the sun. So let’s dust off some cobwebs and talk about the great movies that came out in 2019.

BRIEF UPDATES FROM THE WAFFLER This year marked a turning point. No, not that fucking decade that everybody’s making a big deal about. Not even that I hit 30 but thankfully have most of my (still not totally gray) hair... Nope, I went into business for myself. I leapt off the stable lily pad of 9-5 etc. and went freelance! Life’s been full of stories since then -- both the kind I write, and the kind I get to look under the hood on. I’m happy to report I’ve written more than ever before... Just not blogs, and mostly stuff I’m not at liberty to discuss.

*Clears throat. Pulls up the collar on his trench coat.* And I may have had more hair turn gray. Turns out, running your own ship is quite a bit of work, especially when you’re teaching yourself how the hell you do it. Nevertheless, I loved the shit out of every minute of it, and I still use phrases like nevertheless. It could easily be a blog (or several) for a different time, but the short and easy explanation of the absence is I was busy, it was fun, get over it. 

Besides, we don’t actually care about whatever lame excuse I have for why I haven’t been posting. We’re here because it’s 2020 and time for a listicle, dammit! This one is neither definitive nor ranked. But dang if 2019′s fodder didn’t come sauntering into theaters like the big chuckling cherub of Christmas Present, with a cornucopia of awesomeness. 

THINGS I LOVED, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

UNDER THE SILVER LAKE David Robert Mitchell’s neo noir takes a fittingly existential approach to detective fiction. An enigmatic case, hidden clues and coded pop culture, Andrew Garfield’s charmingly hapless sleuth... There’s a lot to love in this weird soup of a movie. At times nightmarish, often trippy, and an excellent performance from a parrot. Late night fodder.

CLIMAX Gaspar Noe does not make sane movies. With Climax, there’s a hypnotic quality that sucks you in and drags you along on its nightmarish journey as a group of dancers drink from a punchbowl laced with drugs. The result is absolute bedlam, and everything from the lighting to the camerawork pulls its weight to put you into the action. This is the kind of thing you watch and marvel that, “Wow, they went there.” to varying degrees of satisfaction. Like a freight train barreling toward the side of a mountain, it’s hard to look away even though you know you probably should. 

JOJO RABBIT And then there’s a different kind of madness. The movie that billed itself as “The movie that shouldn’t work.” Jojo Rabbit is so full of heart. This is Taika Waititi in full force, and hilarity meets real pathos. Love is better than Nazis. It’s a simple message, and I think it doesn’t need to be much more. The relevance of such a narrative in our time is pretty disappointing, but the truth seems to be that we need ones like this to come along and remind the collective. The mashup of humor with genuine drama is balanced in a way that will feel familiar to fans of THE HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE or BOY. The performances are superb, and it’s a beautiful looking film. If you missed it last year, start the new one off right and amend this problem.

US The thing I dug the most about US was how unique it felt. Original premises in horror are on the rise, and there’s no denying the man leading the wave is Jordan Peele. The social commentary elements of this followup to GET OUT play with a little more subtlety, and in some ways it almost felt like a stronger move... But I refuse to compare the two of them. US stands out in its own right, and carries some of the most memorable performances of the year. A twisting narrative that crackles with tension, and a concept that haunts the imagination. What if your every action had an equal an opposite effect on a mirrored version of yourself? A study on the impact of the class system, and a nightmarish what-if to explain the real life series of underground tunnels that span the United States. Also, that costume design! That Alexa gag! The way this one opens up at the midpoint was such a delight in the theater. I’d apologize for spoilers, but let’s be real... You’ve seen this movie.

AD ASTRA Best summed up as “Daddy Issues in Space,” AD ASTRA feels like the kind of sci-fi mysteries that were made in the late 70s and 80s. A spellbinding journey to the far edges of the galaxy to save the world, and maybe prove that aliens exist. Oh, and to stop your possibly insane father from destroying the human race on the way. Brad Pitt is on fire, and everything about this potent emotional journey remains focused on his character’s dilemma of deciding whether or not his father was a good man, what it means to him and his own isolated existence, and whether he can overcome that shit and live a life instead of taking risks. From its opening scene to its closing one, this one blends gripping life-or-death set-pieces exploring the dangers of space travel and the cyclical nature of humanity’s progress with small moments. The journey, the heart-wrenching climax, and the harrowing trip home is well worth the rental fee. Check it out.

THE GIRL ON THE THIRD FLOOR

Some horror movies exist to make you think, some exist to cover their protagonists in black goo, subject them to grueling physical and psychological lament, and chuck ‘em through a woodchipper for good measure. The Girl on the Third Floor takes your average premise of “Stubborn and troubled guy picks a fixer-upper house to flip, only to discover horrors beyond his imagining” and leans hard into the gross-outs and festering boils of body horror. Reminiscent of Evil Dead, Amityville, and Dead Alive, there’s so much insanity to love, and the movie makes some big turns -- some surprising, some daring, some a little out there. It is by no means perfect, but it’s got a charm about its rough edges. You will never look at a marble the same way again.

I LOST MY BODY

I know. “A life-affirming work” left me a little skeptical too. But from its very first frame, I LOST MY BODY is arresting. Its hypnotic narrative follows the story of a severed hand in search of its owner, and has great fun carrying you along with its troubled protagonist’s journey from a crush to obsession. The sheer amount of visual storytelling and striking imagery is worth the runtime, but for any arthouse lovers feeling a little too chilled to hop down to the nearest indie theatre can open a new tab and have at it. Didn’t expect to be as moved by this one as I was, and for that I must recommend it.

AVENGERS: ENDGAME The fact that a movie like this can even exist is pretty amazing, and I have to say, as the culmination to the Avengers saga as we know it, ENDGAME delivered something with way more heart and character than I expected. Funny, sad, bittersweet, and massively satisfying. This is the Thanksgiving Turkey dinner of movies. It’s got everything. But the best part for me was how little fighting the big superhero finale of the decade had to it. Firmly rooted in character, taking ambitious and surprising turns in their trajectories, and balancing the fanwanks with a genuinely exciting story. I mean, c’mon. Time heist? A Greatest Hits play that also recontextualizes a few of the lesser films of the sweeping franchise? The third act battle felt a little tacked-on, but the conclusion felt like exactly what we needed. 

READY OR NOT I love this movie. Love it like an adorable, scrappy friend who always manages to make their social commentary entertaining. Hide and Seek turns deadly for a bride to be when she meets her future in-laws, the proprietors of a board game company that takes their product very seriously. A darkly funny survive-the-gauntlet-till-morning ride. Great characters. Awesome kills. A few really unexpected and delightfully devilish turns. Oh, and it takes a stab at privilege and how far some people are willing to go to preserve theirs. It’s got teeth, a mean bite, and it’s fun to walk around the neighborhood. If you liked YOU’RE NEXT, you will probably love this movie. I still can’t get its final few moments out of my head. And I mean that in the best way.

PARASITE Speaking of social criticism and privilege, there’s no denying the brute fucking force of PARASITE. Following a struggling family who imbed themselves into a rich family by posing as the help, this madcap game of suspense takes so many surprising turns that even describing the full plot spoils the fun. Go into this one having read as little as possible. It will take you for a spin. Part con movie, part social critique, part comedy and part tragedy, it’s a lot to digest, but it’s a damned tasty treat. 

KNIVES OUT In a word, it’s fun. Rian Johnson’s locked room murder mystery packs some wonderful barbs in the side of affluence, armchair activism, and the corruptive nature of wealth. A wealthy novelist is found dead, and all of his family members have motive... But don’t let the familiar set-up fool you, KNIVES OUT plays fair with its audience, but it is a fast runner. The story jumps ahead of you almost every time you think you’ve got it figured out. Daniel Craig’s genius sleuth is full of likable energy, protagonist Marta is full of layers, and the family are all such a pleasure to watch. Several times along the trip, I had no idea where the story would turn next, or how much further the envelope could be pushed, but by the end, I came out marveling at its construction. The production design is unreal. The direction and vibe are so unique, and by the closing image, it’s nearly impossible not to enjoy the shift in values. There’s also a speech involving donuts that I will be reciting at parties for the foreseeable future.

DANIEL ISN’T REAL

I closed off the year with this wildly inventive take on the possession trope. This. Movie. Is. Nuts. Which, considering it was produced by the same folks who did MANDY, shouldn’t come as a surprise. A mind-bending tale that riffs on Jekyll and Hyde, with a great modernization tackling the concept from a mental health perspective... It’s not the first time it’s been done, but the execution is just excellent. We follow a disturbed young man whose imaginary friend hatched from a childhood trauma makes a devilish return to play hell with his adult life. It’s a psychological horror that’s FIGHT CLUB meets THE DOUBLE. Great look. Excellent creature design and visuals for a cosmic horror that makes great use of low budget devices. If you’re looking for the answer to the age old question of “Should my third act involve my protagonist battling his inner demons literally with a rooftop sword fight?” You’ve found your contender.

I’ll tell you this, reader friend. The hardest part about 2019′s slate at the box office was deciding what to see. There were so many interesting movies that came out, brimming with big ideas and social commentary. Sad as the state of the world is, there’s no denying times of unrest have a knack for yielding great art. The Trump era has made its stamp on Hollywood for better or for worse. But the rising tide of voices pushing back give me a bit of hope, and a lot of salve for the whole existential dread thing. I think that, however small it is, is good.

For what it’s worth, none of these films are reinventing the wheel or burning flags... But they are asking questions. Okay, CLIMAX, really isn’t asking anything, but it is fun as hell. There’s just as much merit in the salve as there is in the flame that caused the burn.  So may your 2020 be full of entertainment. I’ll try to get some useful content up here at least every couple of months in smaller digestible forms. Now go forth and brunch, you hungover, resolution-breaking slob.

[justselfloathingthings-blog]

Smile Precure Episode 43- Reika v. Joker Analysis

So, I mentioned  the other day that Smile Precure episode 43 has my second favorite fight scene and I want to dig into that a bit. But first, let’s talk a bit about fight scene construction. There’s this thing about fight scenes. They can be used to convey several things. They can be used as pure spectacle- with the budget of a Pretty Cure, not something that you’re going to see that much. The second is to use the fight to emphasize the story. This is what you typically see in a Pretty Cure episode, especially the really good ones. The fight in itself, or in its surrounding circumstances, really hit the point that the rest of the episode was trying to discuss or elucidate. 

Then there’s that other kind. The kind of fight scene that functionally exists to deliver a point, and manages to tell a story in itself. When the momentum, choreography, and happenings of the scene really flow together to actually say something both in regards to the fight itself, and regarding the story and these characters. 

Typically in Pretty Cure seasons you see this at the end (Heartcatch probably hitting on it the best, Splash Star second.), which makes sense because it’s the culmination of the series, and where you can burn your budget. Smile essentially said “fuck that” and gave us Episode 43, and I think that you can actually both pick up a good bit about visual storytelling and where Smile most strongly succeeds as a Pretty Cure season by looking at it. So let’s do that. Reference video coming.

(Youtube doesn’t have any subbed clips sadly, but I’m going to be walking through the scene anyway so this is more for reference)

The first point to make about this fight is how superb that intro is. Like, god. You want to talk dynamic entries. We don’t see her transformation sequence because who needs that nonsense lol. Instead we see the background freeze in real time. And torrents of ice surrounding Reika that burst away for her introduction with a field of light surround her, complete with character song. That is certainly an introduction. 

Another point to make is how ridiculously fluid the animation is. It’s crisp and clean and clear; there are no rapid cuts, there are no stops. You could honestly probably split this into something similar to a three act structure because there are just so many sustained shots. One shot flows into the next so organically that it genuinely plays like a high-budget magical girl anime in my opinion; that constant back and forth between Joker and Beauty? It doesn’t devolve into DBZ-style attacks. You see it all, more or less, with crystal clarity. The fight scene feels less like a “fight scene”, but more like a scene, if you follow me. And it’s so beautifully shot too, like that aura of light around Beauty is so crisp and powerful and really gives the scene that much more narrative weight (I’ll get to that). But there’s actual moving parts too! Like those little background elements that Pretty Cure rarely plays with? Otsuka Takashi was like “nah let’s do something with that.” Reika being able to swing off those things and keep moving around helps the scene continue to have constant sustained momentum.

And that shot with Reika’s shield! It’d be so easy to just kinda skip over that, not have it at all, or do it cheaply. They do none of those things. That bit of the attack parting before Reika breaks through the attack and it beautifully shattering was so great like omg. 

And I honestly love the way she even used her opponent’s armory against him; the way that she continually bounced off Joker’s shield and used it as a launching pad was both really cool and really provided a definitive display of who has the advantage in this fight. 

Because, like, after the first time Joker breaks Reika’s sword, she grabs control of the fight and never lets go. You can see this through the obvious stuff, how deftly she dodges pretty much all of Joker’s attacks from hereon, how she has an answer for absolutely everything Joker throws at her, the way that between the climactic clash between the two, it is HER that breaks into Joker’s personal space and leads to the finishing blow to their little swordfight .

But it’s also the little things. If you look, after that first shot Joker’s attacks become far more wild and aggressive whereas Beauty never loses her cool, her attacks and blocks being consistently calm and precise. She continually dominates the momentum of the fight and Joker is continually reactive instead of proactive, basically desperately trying to stay on par with an opponent that is simply operating on a level that is out of his league. She is so in-tune with the battlefield that she uses Joker’s own set pieces against him to constantly get leverage and momentum, include Joker’s own shield. 

Joker’s attacks are largely rather repetitive whereas Reika is pulling everything out of her skillset. Not out of desperation, but because it is the best move for the occasion. She just is pulling out everything she has because she knows that in this instance she simply has Joker outclassed. And even when Joker pulls out his last-ditch attempt to outsmart Beauty, she doesn’t lose her composure and her passions lead her to victory. 

When you back up a moment and think about the episode, the whole thing is pretty clearly a metaphor for Reika’s victory over her dilemma, but it manages to actually perfectly communicate that in the battle alone. The fight itself tells a really clear story and it’s a powerful one. 

But. Let’s dig a little deeper. I want to first talk about Reika’s character, and then the episode in general, and then the actual text of the fight specifically. It paints a great picture.

Reika is a character that has always been defined by others. The reason she initially turns out being a Cure is because of her various other obligations. This makes it clear that her duties are something that deeply defines her. She also puts a good deal of emphasis on not “burdening” people. All this seems pretty admirable on the surface, honestly. But when you dig a bit deeper, you learn that this isn’t something she is doing entirely because she wants to do it. This is something that she feels is expected of her due to things like the students asking her. She doesn’t want to burden other people with problems, so she takes them all on herself. In 16 she talks about “finding her own path” (this becomes important) and initially just abandons all her responsibilities. This isn’t a reasonable approach, but it is an appropriate one for somebody confused and scared. 

She realizes that she can use things like studying to “find her own path” in the same episode, but it’s worth noting that this isn’t an answer to the question. It’s just another step in the journey. The whole journey is a bit of an undercurrent for Reika’s character for most of the story.

Then we come to 43. 

The plot is about Reika having to choose between, in essence, her duties and life and her friends and being Pretty Cure. Her friends reassure her, as they are wont to do, but Reika remains torn, not sure exactly what path it is she should take in her life; the crisis that popped up near the start of the series re-emerges full force. Joker then sneak-attacks, capturing the others, and Reika finds herself unable to maintain being Cure Beauty, Joker saying that it’s because she no longer as the resolve to be her anymore. But when the other girls admit that they simply can’t imagine losing her, Reika agrees, and with that resolve is able to transform, stronger than ever.

The thing here is that it’s a realization on Reika’s part, that through putting through all this effort to not make her own choices and simply do what other people want her to do, she essentially puts herself in a no-win situation, because at heart people want her to do what is best for her, and not continually act as though everyone else has complete control of her life all the time. 

It’s worth noting that Joker is completely off-guard by the transformation, and it’s really clear that he gets that he’s on the wrong end of the foot now. Probably suspecting that this isn’t a fight he can win on his own terms, Joker does what Joker does and tries to play Beauty’s psychology against her. And it’s worth noting that it... doesn’t really work at all. For a moment Beauty is caught off-guard, but after the first strike, she completely regains her composure and has it for the rest of the fight. One important thing to note about Joker’s arguments is that they aren’t about what REIKA wants or what REIKA needs, but “answering other people’s expectations” and conforming to people’s perceptions of her. Because that’s what Reika has always cared about, by and large. And Reika, if strongly, just... dismisses these arguments that clearly carry no weight for her anymore.

The climax of the exchange comes from Joker saying that Reika is “staying from the path”. This is probably what would have hit Reika strongest in the past, because finding a Path and going through with is something that she has been searching for this entire time, and to an extent it may very well have been something she could have felt that she found. But Reika merely responds that she has found a path, and it doesn’t have to be what other people define it to be- it’s her path and it’s her choice. This is really the peak of Reika’s character in the series, and it’s such a great moment, to the point that they change their style and cut to Japanese characters to emphasize her dialogue, and then Reika essentially ends the fight, victorious. 

So Joker kind of pulls out his Trump card. His weapon from the beginning was a Mirror monster. It’s worth noting this is a callback to the monster that Reika defeated at the beginning of the series and became a Cure, but it wasn’t Reika’s strength or power, internal or external that allowed her to beat it, but her intellect. So Joker ups the ante, and creates a seemingly infinite amount of mirrors that clearly can’t be beaten the same way. Reika isn’t even phased, preparing her attack and declaring that it’s okay to be selfish, and that she will use that help to her find her own path. It’s that declaration that causes the landscape to turn against Joker, illuminating his true location. Reika thus uses her new attack- it’s worth noting that in 5 it was a simple purifying attack; here it actively shatters Joker’s shield and thus breaks the battlefield. 

And it’s worth noting that her victory in 5 came from her intelligence, something that she felt that she was obligated to use for others because of her not knowing what to do with her life. Her victory in 43 comes from passion and knowing, finally, the start to her journey for a purpose. 

Smile Precure’s strength is not where the characters start (if anything I find the beginning a bit of a slog) but where the characters end. Which makes sense? It’s a story about endings in many ways, after all. But I think nothing exemplifies that best than this fight scene, which is beautiful in so many ways. I may like Fresh 23′s better, but this one stands out in its own right and I think deserves respect. 

[tomfooleryprime]

Voq, Ash Tyler, and Growing up Star Trek

We learned a lot more about the curious case of Lieutenant Ash Tyler/Voq in the Star Trek: Discovery episode, “Vaulting Ambition.” It was finally confirmed in the previous week that the character we know as Ash Tyler is harboring some Klingon memories, but the precise mechanism behind how that happened was still a mystery, until Saru finally brought up the thing we were all wondering about:

Which prompted L’Rell to spill the beans.

“The one you call Tyler was captured in battle at the Binary Stars. We harvested his DNA, reconstructed his consciousness, and rebuilt his memory. We modified Voq into a shell that appears human. We grafted his psyche into Tyler’s, and in so doing, Voq has given his body and soul for our ideology.”

—L’Rell

It’s not all that shocking. Months of fan speculation aside, it’s not like this is a new trope for this franchise.

Remember this guy? 

What L’Rell revealed last night opens up an opportunity for Star Trek: Discovery to venture into classic Trek territory in a very un-Trek way. How the hell are we supposed to figure out what to think about Ash Tyler’s situation? 

The Trek formula of old would have given us a tidy episode in a box where the captain was confronted with some dilemma and spent the majority of the fifty-two minutes of air time chewing on it in such a way that the audience wasn’t really required to ponder the ramifications because we had a Picard or a Janeway to serve as the wise parental figure and do the messy business of thinking for us.

Yet Discovery lacks that central guiding ethical compass: its main character isn’t a captain, she’s a convict. That arguably makes Michael Burnham the most dynamic lead Star Trek has ever put forward, but because she’s too busy finding her place on a ship in the midst of a war with the Klingons and crawling over heaps of inner turmoil, that doesn’t leave her a lot of free time to tell us how to approach the wider problems presented in each episode. She tries to speak up as the voice of reason (miss you, Ripper!), but thus far, her objections are often drowned out by a plot that’s constantly blazing forward at Warp 10. It makes for good storytelling and character development, but it leaves the analysis of complex issues to the audience.

Think about it—every incarnation of Star Trek up until now had a way of introducing us to problems that were so obviously an allusion to the issues of their respective decades, whether it was Kirk meeting a society of people who desperately needed birth control or Archer ending up in a Suliban detainee camp courtesy of President George Bush… er, whoever the Tandaran leader was during the 2150s.

Captain Picard was the ultimate master of holding viewers’ hands all the way through the first four acts of an episode, carefully spoon feeding us both sides of an issue before finally allowing us to absorb the full weight of an enormous moral, ethical, or philosophical question in the final act with an impassioned speech or contemplative captain’s log entry. We were allowed to be mentally lazy. 

Is Data a person? Who’s to say? Let’s literally hold a trial to weigh the evidence!

The issues surrounding Ash Tyler are so enormously complex and raise questions about the nature of consciousness, self, immortality, and bodily autonomy, as well as the role of crime and punishment in society. It seems pretty ambiguous whether or not the real Ash Tyler is still alive in a Klingon prison somewhere, but regardless, maybe we should start by exploring whether we can really call the person lying in Discovery’s sickbay Ash Tyler. 

If someone were to duplicate your consciousness and place it into another living being, how would you define that individual? Say hypothetically that you are still alive, so is the other being with your consciousness now also you, an extension of you, or a completely independent being that simply carries your memories? If the original version of you is destroyed, did you really die, if a carbon copy of your mind exists somewhere else? If such a procedure is possible, doesn’t that imply we could theoretically live forever through a series of host bodies?

I feel like this is the premise of one-third of all Black Mirror episodes.

Hopefully, next week’s episode will iron out some of the details behind how the procedure was performed and whether or not L’Rell successfully removed Voq’s consciousness from Tyler’s physical form, but that just raises more questions. 

L’Rell indicated that the albino Klingon we knew as Voq in the first three episodes gave up his physical form to look like Ash Tyler, so the body was originally Voq’s.

Alien talent for crafting human flesh bags into suits varies by franchise. 

So if L’Rell manages to remove Voq’s consciousness from the body he and Tyler share, is that the equivalent of killing Voq? Conversely, if she snuffs out any trace of Tyler, has she killed Tyler? Last night’s episode made it apparent that if someone didn’t do something soon, the guy in sickbay screaming Klingon curses one minute and weeping human tears the next was going to die, but is it ethical to take one life to save another, and how do we decide?

I think the natural instinct is to say that obviously Voq needs to go in favor of Tyler. It’s easy to justify too: Voq knew what he was risking, the Klingons and Federation are in the midst of a war, and it doesn’t really seem like Tyler had much say in the medical experimentation performed on him. Not to mention, it kind of seemed like it was Voq shining through when Hugh Culber was killed. The Voq side of this person is clearly violent, dangerous, and a self-proclaimed enemy of the Federation.

Now consider how you feel about the death penalty. If you ardently support it, I question why you watch a show featuring people from an idealistic utopia where the death penalty was abolished, but hey, I’m sure the issue of what to do about Voq must seem pretty cut and dry. If you oppose the death penalty for any reason, now is probably a good time to ask yourself exactly why that is and apply it to this very bizarre situation.

Before you start hurling digital rotten produce at me for daring to suggest that Voq be given rights over Tyler, I’m not advocating for that, I’m merely asking you to consider it, because while the DNA is Tyler’s, the body is Voq’s. The heart of so many modern issues rests on a similar platform, this idea that we have the right to decide the fate of our own bodies, no matter what else we’ve done. 

It’s why we don’t harvest organs from criminals or force them to submit to dangerous medical experimentation, even though some *cough*Nazis*cough* might argue in favor of crude social arithmetic that there’s some net “good” to be had by testing unproven HIV vaccines or pioneering brain surgery on our convict population. To be fair, Voq decided to become Ash Tyler, and in doing so, it seems so unfair that I should even be considering his rights when it certainly seems like Tyler’s rights were so brutally and traumatically stripped away from him.

But Star Trek has also never shied away from unfair predicaments. Remember that time Trip Tucker was in a coma and Phlox collected his DNA and injected it into a Lyssarian Desert larvae to grow a Tucker clone, which they later named Sim, just so they could harvest Sim’s neural tissue for a transplant? OG Tucker was unconscious and didn’t consent to the procedure, and while Tucker 2.0 also didn’t ask to get made, which one deserved to live?

Yeah Sim, he owed you so big. 

No matter what happens, the whole business with Voq and Tyler is a bloody damn mess and there’s no chance for real justice for anyone involved. By stuffing Ash Tyler’s consciousness into Voq’s body and then mutilating Voq to look like Ash Tyler, L’Rell created an individual who is arguably somehow both Voq and Tyler and also neither Voq and Tyler at the same time.

Star Trek built an entire species based around this premise in the form of the Trills. For seven seasons of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, the symbiont Dax put us through our paces as we teased apart Jadzia from Dax and all of her previous hosts. There are too many episodes featuring Jadzia conflicting with the memories of her predecessors to count, but it was always interesting, watching Jadzia stand trial for something Curzon allegedly did, and it was heartbreaking watching her husband Worf interact with Ezri, Dax’s next host, after Jadzia’s untimely death. However much fans wished Ezri would love Worf as much as Jadzia had, Ezri wasn’t Jadzia and she deserved the freedom to make her own decisions.

So, I have to come back to the question, is Ash Tyler even really Ash Tyler? Can a copy be as good as the original? In many cases, sure. If someone torched the Declaration of Independence, its meaning isn’t lost forever; we have countless copies in textbooks and Internet archives. Ideas and facts are obviously more important than the paper that they’re printed on, but aren’t people greater than just the sum of their thoughts and experiences?

Star Trek: The Next Generation asked that question once when a transporter accident spawned a clone of William Riker, only he wasn’t technically a clone, because he shared all of Riker’s memories leading up to the accident. A clone implies an individual whose genome was copied from another individual, but the person created in that transporter glitch was an exact copy.

You know Riker II is looking at Riker I and thinking, “I grew a beard because I didn’t have a razor. Don’t tell me you grew that shit on purpose?”

Are they really exactly the same though? Once their paths began to diverge with differing life experiences (one got stranded on a station while the other went on to have a successful career in Starfleet), they really became two separate individuals, more like twins than the exact same person. So, I would argue that whether or not the original Tyler is really alive out there, the Tyler we know isn’t really Ash Tyler. 

But whoever he is and however he was created, he has rights too. He’s the only innocent person in this whole shitty scenario, and even if Voq’s consciousness is removed, no doubt the experience will irrevocably alter Tyler.

But what if L’Rell can’t separate them? I think of all the options, a plot twist that finds a way for both Tyler and Voq to coexist in the same body is easily the most complicated and daring path forward. Tuvok and Neelix had polar opposite personalities, but at least when they got spliced together, they generally lived by the same moral code. All the incarnations of Dax were also wildly different, but they jived well (so long as you forget that whole uncomfortable Joran incident).

Voq and Tyler are essentially Jekyll and Hyde. Voq killed Hugh Culber and attempted to kill Michael Burnham, so should he (they) be punished for those crimes? American Horror Story: Freak Show tried to address a similar situation when one conjoined twin murdered her mother in a moment of rage. It forces us to ask which is worse, “Deliberately punishing an innocent person or allowing a guilty one to go free?”

I have no idea what will happen in future episodes, but the idea of Voq and Tyler having to learn to live together might actually provide this show with something it’s been largely lacking thus far: a character who has to learn what it means to be human and who can provide an outsider’s commentary and insight on our odd little species, much like Spock, Data, The Doctor, Seven of Nine, and T’Pol did. Given Michael Burnham’s upbringing and life sentence for mutiny, it seemed like she was well-poised to fit this role, but while she spent the latter part of her formative years on Vulcan and is a lot less emotional than most of her crewmates, she’s fairly clued in to the human condition. 

Not so great at beer pong, but still a competent human. 

Ultimately, I can’t wait to see how Ash Tyler’s situation gets resolved, but I can now safely say Discovery might be my favorite series in the franchise. Some people hate it because it’s a lot of explosions and fighting and thus far, it hasn’t really felt like Star Trek with its power-hungry captain, Klingons with heavy prosthetics, and exceptional CGI. 

No, it ain’t your momma’s Star Trek, but maybe that’s a good thing. I grew up watching The Next Generation and later watched Deep Space Nine, Voyager, and Enterprise, and it was nice having Picard, Sisko, Janeway, and Archer gently guide me to the answers with calm, well-reasoned thinking. In a lot of ways, they taught me how to think about morally complex matters, and now that I’m older, I’m able to think for myself while I watch Discovery, and that is precisely why I love it so much. 

Discovery is Star Trek all grown up.  

[newmayhem]

Character analysis: Aubrey (Part 2)

Because this post heavily refers to direct quotations from the author and the OG text, I’ll stick calling everyone by their original names throughout (as I usually do when I’m talking specifically about the original iteration and in quotations). But elsewhere on the site, I typically refer to everyone by different names in all other situations.

It's been a while, but I was finally able to pull it together! I'm taking a magnifying glass to the brief glimpses of Aubrey that we see in the books to try to fill in the blanks of his personality and to build up a consistent character for the fic.

General Personality

Risika sees Aubrey as being this bluntly chaotic, destructive person, who doesn't care about anything and just does whatever he wants on a whim. In both ITFOTN Chapters 12 and 15, Risika assumes that Aubrey doesn’t have any complex ideas about morality, he’s just doing whatever Ather tells him to do or whatever destructive impulse strikes his fancy.

It's easy to see why—he carries himself with this cool-headed devil-may-care attitude even as he's fucking up her life.

He’s also a bit of a troll. In both ITFOTN and DIMV, he seems to get a kick out of knowing exactly what to buttons to push in order to get a reaction.

However, his actual actions show that he's actually very calculating, patient, decisive, and highly manipulative.

Some examples:

He convinced Ather that it was a better idea to turn Risika instead of kill her.

He conspired with Pandora to keep Risika and Alexander apart and then, of course, not only let Risika believe that her brother was dead for centuries but actively lied to her about it.

That whole situation with Risika and her stepmother.

Morality

The most significant part of Aubrey’s personality with regards to Risika’s story is his morality, so I spent the most time on this. Luckily for us, in ITFOTN Aubrey tells us pretty explicitly what his views on morality are almost every time we see him:

ITFOTN, Chapter 12 (Risika in the mountains)

‘No one orders me, child.’ ‘Except Ather,’ I countered. ‘She snaps and you jump. Or search, or kill.’ ‘Not always … I just didn't like your brother,’ Aubrey answered, laughing … ‘Who was that carrion on the ground behind you, Risika?’ he taunted. ‘Did you even bother to ask? Who loved him? To whom was he a brother? You stepped over his body without a care. Over the body—no respect, Risika. You would leave his body here without a prayer for the scavengers to eat. Who is the monster now, Risika?’ ... ‘Are you a god now, Risika, deciding who is to live and who is to die? The world has teeth and claws, Risika; you are either the predator or the prey. No one deserves to die any more than they deserve to live. The weak die, the strong survive. There is nothing else. Your brother was one of the weak. It is his own fault if he is dead.’”

Later on, he throws his knife down and challenges Risika to stab him with it:

‘You can't,’ he finally said, when I did not move. ‘You can't kill me while I am defenseless because you still think like a human. Well, know this, Risika—that isn't how the world works.’

ITFOTN, Chapter 15 (Risika returns home)

“Jealous?” someone said over my shoulder, and I swung around toward Aubrey, knowing that my eyes were narrowed with hatred. “If she bothers you that much, kill her.” “I am sure you would appreciate that,” I hissed. He laughed. “You have too many morals.” “And you have none,” I snapped back, trying to keep myself from hitting him. I refused to leave while he was here, his attention on my father and this innocent woman. Innocent woman…strange, how my opinion changed so quickly. As soon as Aubrey suggested I kill her, I felt the need to protect her. “I have some morals, I suppose,” he argued, though his voice was light. He had taken no offense at the accusation. “But none that interfere with the way I survive. Look at yourself, Risika—you can hardly preach the benefits of morality.” Though I did not hate myself for killing to survive, I feared that I would one day become as indifferent to murder as Aubrey was. ... “Fine, Aubrey—you have made your point,” I snapped, stepping between him and his prey. “Now leave.” “And what point would that be?” he inquired. “I do not share your reservations, Risika. I hunt when I wish, as I always have.”

ITFOTN, Chapter 20 (The fight in Las Noches)

“I do not kill my own unless forced to, Risika, and you are not enough of a threat to force me. So go.”

Through these exchanges, Aubrey reveals that:

He believes that he lives by a moral code.

His moral code doesn't interfere with his survival.

His moral code allows him to kill someone for no other reason than that he simply doesn’t like them. Also, I know it's just him lying, but I feel like the integrity of his claim that he killed Alexander simply because he didn't like him is undermined by the fact that Alexander was still alive and he knew it.

His moral code DOES prohibit killing other vampires. Actually, it could be argued that this prohibition was more for political reasons rather than moral reasons.

He believes that in determining who is ‘deserving’ of life or not, survival/survival of the fittest trumps any absolute ideas of right or wrong/good or bad. Even in the act of killing, he believes that there’s no need for justification, it just is what it is–no further meaning, no moral weight behind it. For Aubrey, you’re either predator or you’re prey. In that way, it’s almost as black and white as Alexander’s idea of morality is, at least on the surface. It’s just that while he doesn’t like or respect weakness, he understands it and doesn’t consider those who are weak to be abominations.

What we don’t see spelled out explicitly is that he places a lot of importance on strength. He’s very willing to cultivate and defend that in himself and others (Risika is a prime example). Could be argued that it’s to the point of fanaticism.

His moral compass is just built differently. The cardinal directions aren’t good/bad, it’s strong/weak.

He dislikes hypocrisy. Actually, I'm not so sure about this one. It could just be that he wants to show Risika that she's being hypocritical with her morals.

This is an interesting one and it’s worth taking a tangent to discuss it. We know based on Word of God that Aubrey has been trying to get Risika to kill and eat regularly, so why not just let her keep her moral justification for only targeting criminals if that’s what allows her to kill and eat regularly? I think, perhaps based on his own experience, he knows that holding onto that morality will hurt her in the long run.

In Chapter 12, he tells her "‘You can't kill me while I am defenseless because you still think like a human. Well, know this, Risika—that isn't how the world works.’”

I think that more than trying to get her to feed regularly, Aubrey is trying to get Risika to understand that she's not human anymore, that her world is no longer governed by human notions of morality and so if she keeps holding herself back to abide by those human morals (no matter how fast and loose she plays with those boundaries), someone else who does know how to play by vampire rules is going to use that against her and actually hurt her.

Demon In My View

There aren’t any quotes here that directly relate to the topic of morality, but we do see that despite the change in Aubrey’s role (from antagonist to romantic antihero), his actions in this book do support everything we learned about his morality in ITFOTN.

In DIMV his dilemma over whether or not to kill Jessica is driven more by pride/reputation vs. attraction/personal desire rather than morality. I mean, the whole reason he goes after her in the first place is because she exposed his past weaknesses and defeats in her books. This is also highlighted in ITFOTN, Chapter 16 when Risika draws Aubrey out of his hiding place by accusing him of being afraid of her—"There is one taunt that almost guarantees a vampire's response: accusing him of being afraid." Image matters a lot to him. Which is interesting when you consider that he was willing to put his image on the line in order for Risika to show that she belongs in that world.

Priorities

In contrast to Risika, Aubrey is deeply embedded in vampire society (literally, he lives in an apartment behind Las Noches, at the heart of New Mayhem). Status and reputation within the vampire community mean a lot to him. From the above quotes, we can also conclude that he also cares a lot about strength. He not only cultivates it in himself, but he's also drawn to it in others. That said, based on his decision to trade in his blood (and therefore his strength and status) for his life at the end of ITFOTN as well as what he says about his morals, it seems like survival is what he prioritizes above all.

It should also be noted that strength, status within vampire society, and survival are all deeply interconnected.

Risika kind of characterizes Aubrey as being the pinnacle of rebellion and lawlessness, but the truth is, he’s deeply ingrained into vampire society and the rules and norms of that world.

What's really interesting is that he not only prioritizes these things, he thinks that Risika should too. It was important to him that Risika learn to survive and be a part of vampire society and he didn't care that he had to hurt her (and the ones she loves) and become her enemy in order to get that point across.

[hillbillyhippiemusicreview]

Post #40, Ben Bostick—“Among the Faceless Crowd”

Music is the universal language. That is a statement that has been tested and proven to be fact for our entire existence as humans. Thankfully, the world is blessed with spectacular artists who create beautiful music for us to relate to and hold close in difficult times. It’s no secret we all are facing an uncertain future at the moment, and many are carrying quite the heavy load. Which brings me to my point of this ramble—Ben Bostick is set to release his newest record, Among the Faceless Crowd, soon amidst the current ever-changing nature of the universe. The title of the work is both representative of the heavy feelings the world is bearing at the moment and foreshadows the subject matter of the ten songs on the record. This project began as a true “bedroom record,” with Bostick self-producing it and playing the majority of the instruments, aside from a drum track recorded at a studio—which made me even more excited to dive into it, because it’s evident he poured his heart and soul into the words and melodies. It’s raw, and it’s feels as if it’s personal.

Overall, the record is a melancholic nod to the working class—the heart of America. It is a deep look into the often troubled minds many blue collar workers face and the weight of the world men and women carry on their shoulders everywhere. While each song is uniquely it’s own, this theme is constant throughout the album, and is one of the things I love most about it. I adore when an artist creates a record with an evident storyline, or a whole record so to speak. In his writing, Bostick has juxtaposed a dark subject matter with an almost stoic melody—perhaps an “it is what it is, I can’t undo what is done” frame of mind from the characters woven into the songs. We all wind up in those ruts at some point in life where we have to quell our complaints and do our best to survive. I believe that is where we are at as a nation now, and I believe Bostick’s record will be one of the most relatable of 2020. Personally, I find solace in the sorrow; it helps me go on to know that I’m not alone, and Bostick has a penchant for tapping into the pain of surviving everyday life.

According to Bostick, the record is divided into two parts—with the first five songs set from the perspective of forlorn and downtrodden working men, such as the story line of “Working for a Living”, and the last five written with the criminals and sinners of the world in mind. However, there are themes intertwining both halves. In “Absolutely Emily,” “The Thief,” and “Central Valley,” there is an underlying motif of difficult, yet poor choices made to care for one’s family. The main characters in these songs have had issues finding work that pays well enough to pay the bills and provide for the people they love. Personally, that’s a struggle I’ve endured quite often, and is sadly one many people are facing now. The notion of theft to make ends meet isn’t one that I’m familiar with, but I can certainly empathize with the desperation felt at that point and the feeling of wrestling with convictions of right and wrong, such as the ones the character relays in “The Thief.” It makes it hard to vilify a person for their sins the way Bostick weaves his stories. Heavy stuff, man, but good stuff.

Every song on the record possesses a sense of heaviness that invades the mind and weighs on the soul. They just hurt so good and make you think about your own story and how easily your path could be different. My favorite heartache off the record is “The Last Coast.” In this tune, Bostick sings “I’d rather be lost out there than lost at home, least I’d be lonely in a different place” and that sentiment hit me hard—I resonate with that line so much. The character in this song has always felt trapped in a cage at home and longs to break the chains. It’s a melodic, yet depressing song about loneliness that touches on the topic of suicide. I have felt all those emotions and been in the character’s shoes, but escaping the binds of my personal prison and finding my home on the road saved my life. Sure, it can be lonely...but I’d rather be lonely out there than forever cemented in one place.

While listening to “Too Dark to Tell,” I had a wave of deja vu wash over me; I’ve felt these feelings and thought these thoughts before. I’ve hit rock bottom and found myself at the depths of my despair, and now, our world as a whole is ruminating over this concept. Even those who put on a brave face throughout this dilemma have the thought echoing in the back of their minds: will life ever be return to normal? It feels as if Bostick was unintentionally alluding to the dawn of these times when he sang “[it’s] too dark to tell if the rays of hope will shine again.” Uncertainty is a devil that drives anxiety, and it’s up to us to counteract those fears by speaking positivity into existence—we can’t find solace in the sorrow for too long. For me, “Too Dark to Tell” ties well into another solid cut off the record, “I Just Can’t Seem to Get Ahead.” The title speaks for itself, but it’s in those moments of despair that it truly is too dark to tell what the future will be like.

Among the Faceless Crowd draws to a close with two of my favorite songs on the project. “Untroubled Mind” is a dark, introspective into the mind of a man on Death Row awaiting his execution. While he’s done things we seemingly cannot forgive, and most of us have (hopefully) never partaken in, his hope to pass with an untroubled mind is one we can all relate to. The addition of the harmonica here lends itself to the mood perfectly. “If I Were In a Novel” touches on the title of the record, and does so quite poetically. The character is considering who he would be if he was written into a novel. He muses that he would be a nobody with no semblance of good or evil, simply a shadow among a faceless crowd. Such a heartbreaking, yet sometimes all too honest notion. Those people lost amongst the others are my kind of people, the ones always searching for somewhere they belong. “If I were a magician, and could really disappear, not a soul would notice, and none would shed a tear.” Oh, my heart. That hurts!

Bostick produced a solid record full of intriguing concepts that leave the listener to process their thoughts and challenge their beliefs. I’m truly impressed at the amount of artistry involved to create this record majorly by himself. I’d say it is one of my favorite albums I’ve listened to in 2020, and I’m genuinely enthused to hear more of his creative genius. Y’all give it a good listen when it releases on 4/17 and let us at HHMR know what you think.

As always in this new-normal we’re living in, listen to the music, tune into the live-stream shows, buy the merch, and send some love via the virtual tip jar, if you’re able. But mostly, be kind and gentle—it’s free.

✌🏻💙🎶Lyssa

*This is an independent review. The Hillbilly Hippie Music Review was not compensated for this review.

*The opinions expressed are solely that of the author(s).

*These images are not our, nor do we claim them in any way. They are copyrighted Ben Bostick.

[graftonway]

we shall fight

It’s been hours since the movie ended and I’ve taken the train home and listened to music and washed up and eaten grapes and scrolled through tumblr and still all I hear is this:

tickticktickticktickticktickticktick

You hear it throughout the film. It stays with you, seeping into your brain until you’re conditioned to it, until everything ticks and continues to, until you’re hyper-aware of rhythm and even phone notifications blinking, your typing, remind you of it. A friend described it perfectly as taking a long breath and not being able to breathe while holding it. The feeling that’s dropped to the bottom of my stomach hasn’t left yet; I’m still waiting for something to happen. I don’t even know what, but it’s stifling, tense, overwhelming. And that is all of Dunkirk in a nutshell.

This isn’t, strictly speaking, a war movie. Frankly I’m not even sure it’s a movie. It seems to be - or at least pretend towards being - everything: horror, thriller, documentary, symphony, cinematography, emotion, art. Much like the way it spans all three branches of the armed forces (land, sea, air), it tries to be everything at once. Perhaps in the hands of a lesser director this would have ended a disaster, but - and forgive me if I’m being crass with this comparison - Nolan, like Dynamo, plucks salvation from what could have been absolute catastrophe.

The first thing that you take away from Dunkirk is the sheer scale. Of course, as a history student, I’ve seen the photos of the beaches before, long unyielding lines that stretch as far as there is beach. Nolan does it slightly differently. Instead of one snaking, scattered queue there are multiple short ones, cinematic as anything and yet still overwhelming in number. It makes for a great introduction to the film, sets the stage for what’s to come. The aesthetic beauty that war sometimes begets versus the horrific reality it encompasses. The constant push and pull between the patience of the body of waiting men, never heard once to complain, and lack of time that’s played out again and again. Tiny, moving human parts and the weight of the unmentioned German war machine.

Nolan’s movies are always clever, though here the cleverness isn’t as immediately obvious as something like Inception. It’s a layer that you peel back and revel in as you watch. It’s something that builds up, in all its scattered parts and broken pieces, pieces that you collect and store until they come together and make sense. Take the premise of time here, for instance. Words on screen that are always meant to provide context do the opposite here: ‘the mole / one week’, ‘the sea / one day’, ‘the air / one hour’ make no sense to the viewer as they settle in. But all it takes is for one shot - Cillian Murphy’s face in the dark on a boat, straight after his appearance in the bright sunshine on a different vessel - to realise what it means: the action is all taking place in a different time scale. And that moment hits you like a punch in the gut, even though it’s the most simple of revelations. A perfectly positioned callback. Without even knowing why you begin to watch the film differently, all because of the buildup that explodes with one miniscule yet incredibly powerful detail.

It’s this same kind of buildup that squeezes itself into the music. The movie lurches between sound from the get go - the quiet of walking down the street to the startling pops of gunfire, the brief moment before the torpedo hits to the jarring explosion. War sets in here without a single line of expository dialogue, the way it can weigh down other films (the “war is hell, boys” trope that even Hacksaw Ridge was guilty of). Instead all we get is the constant, jarring soundtrack, so loud and in your face that you are drawn into all of the violence and spectacular chaos (something that the multiple timelines also lend themselves to). This builds and builds until it ends, abruptly, twice: firstly, when the Little Ships come into view, and secondly, on the train that Tommy and Alex crumple into. The suddenness of the way it ends is as jarring as any explosion or loud dramatic orchestral note, all the more sharp for its absence. We get sweeping, nostalgic strings over the view of the flotilla, and pure silence (combined with the same sweeping music later) when Tommy falls into the seat.

Which is why so much weight comes to rest upon just these two scenes - the ships and the ending - and why I want to talk about those in particular. It will come as no surprise that they’re the two I cried at; as a kid I read about the Dunkirk spirit and the Churchill speech, and they both have special meaning for me. Add to that me just being a complete and utter sap for nostalgia, sentiment, painfully obvious emotional manipulation.

There’s enough emotional impact in the story of the Little Ships themselves that any film could pull it off with suitable heroic payoff, but it’s just done so very well here. The ticking of the pressure cooker and the fear of death instantly vanishes, replaced by the heartwarming, exceedingly British orchestra. For there is some measure of nationalism (I hesitate to say propaganda, but) with this, as with all war movies; it’s an unavoidable trope, yet one handled so well here. It’s muted - the only flag is the one in the small corner of a larger blue flag, blurred in the background of Mr. Dawson’s boat. Bolton (a place name in and of itself) calls out to some of them, asking where they’re from. And in the end the boats go by an approximation of Dover. But the real focus is on the humanity of the people who came to save the troops. No dialogues or stars in these scenes: just civilians, just ‘home’. Some reviews were critical about the lack of character names and the like, but I think that was done intentionally for this reason, to demonstrate how humanity is about being and not knowing. With the lack of the tickticktick in the background Dunkirk’s first message is, ironically, hammered through: in a movie so packed with tension, it isn’t actually the tension that’s important, but how we escape it. Only later do you get introduced to some of the characters’ personal lives - Dawson is so determined because his son died - but that doesn’t matter, because the heroism is already there. If the movie is a breath you’ve been holding then the Little Ships are the moment you breathe out.

Character development is hardly present in the movie, which makes it all the more impressive that we still manage to feel for and care for every single one of them; I think this is one of the greatest achievements of the film, in that Nolan somehow gets to the heart of war and the rawest of our emotions. Too many war movies get bogged down in character development, the false belief that you need to know the character in order to feel for them shifting the focus away from showing actual war itself. But Nolan understands this, and makes the choice not to identify his characters. The three Mole soldiers look the same; the French soldier’s real name is never given; and Tommy’s name is a generic epithet for all British soldiers. They have no personal characteristics at all. And yet, when Gibson is drowning inside the boat, your heart seizes; you want him, desperately, to get out. Here Dunkirk takes on the shape of the great war novels, like the nameless French soldier in All Quiet On The Western Front. This is the horror of war - that everyone dies - and the real way to experience it is being frightened of death itself, not just fleshed-out characters you have come to feel for dying.

In fact there’s barely any dialogue in the movie, either, except for necessary communication; Bolton is the most heavy-handed in exposition, but otherwise words are limited to observations about the tide, speculation on target practice, explanation for locking the door. Which is why everything that isn’t technical carries so much weight. Collins’s breezy ‘afternoon’ regardless of his near-death experience might be played for laughs but it’s also a conscious remarking on the stereotypical British spirit. One that struck me deeply is Peter’s ‘he’s fine’ to the Shivering Soldier (or something to that effect) - in just one phrase the dilemma of shell shock, the question of blame, and the soldier’s innocence are perfectly captured. But my favourite, of course, as someone weaned on Churchill, is the speech.

As a twelve, thirteen year old I memorised that speech, word for word, all the way till the end. I’ve listened to it many times. And I can’t even begin to explain how emotional I got when Tommy began to read it out and all the cuts from each time period began to intersect with each other. If ever the movie was disparate (and I don’t think it was, and I don’t agree with people who did) it came together at the end, each thread drawn together by possibly the most iconic, recognisable historical device. The sense of unity, of destiny, of a swelling, growing belief in the job left. The two last images of the film - the burning spitfire and Tommy’s face - cleave so perfectly into each other; I don’t think I’ve felt that kind of breathtaking momentousness from an ending for a very, very long time. Farrier gets captured but he’s also arguably the biggest hero of the film, saving countless numbers of people on the beach that hour. He ends up captured and his plane ends up burning, but the Germans didn’t burn it - he did, and in doing so it becomes a symbol of defiance in the face of defeat. We are always reminded that this is a defeat. But that doesn’t signal futility and devastation.

One of the reasons I say that this isn’t a war movie is because the enemy is never really there. Besides the last scene, where Farrier is captured, you don’t see any German soldiers (and even those are blurred out). That gives you the impression that this isn’t about triumph, in any way, but about survival, as the old man in the end so neatly put it. All we did was survive. That’s enough. Many horrors of war are depicted here. Drowning in the locked hull of a torpedoed ship, waiting patiently on a packed bridge for Messerschmits to strafe you. Violence, while not graphic, is never shied away from. Tension and impending doom is built masterfully, whether through Collins’ helplessness watching Farrier or Bolton closing his eyes to wait for death. But while you get the feeling that it is inescapable, you never get the feeling that it is insurmountable, and that is what Dunkirk is about, really. My major qualm with the movie before I watched it was how they were going to turn it into a triumphant, gun-waving kind of thing when it was a defeat. But it’s not about defeating the Germans, because as Churchill said wars are not won by evacuation. Not even about the end of a battle given the continuous references to what is yet to come. It’s about what matters most to us, what the ‘Dunkirk’ used in modern British parlance now refers to: human spirit and endeavor. Battling on.

Dunkirk is probably not the greatest war movie I’ve ever watched (although that is a topic for another time). It has, of course, its problems. I’m not sure how much credence the lack of poc claim has as I haven’t had the time to go look it up yet, but other tiny things niggle here and there. Yet one of the major criticisms I’ve heard about this movie is that it’s too intense and action focused and, of all things, I think that that’s the least concerned anyone should be about it. You can’t capture all of war in a single movie. You can barely capture certain experiences. If other movies are allowed to develop other aspects, like character and the mundanity of war, why shouldn’t Dunkirk be allowed to dig deep into the terrifying tension and uncertainty that is so fundamentally a part of it (being shelled while in foxholes is another example that comes to mind)? There is emotion in intensity, and humanity is found everywhere. Even in the most painful, most terrible of times. 

There’s a trope in Waiting For Godot about the weary, fallible hero, the human struggling to create meaning and stay alive in the most downtrodden noble sense. It’s a trope I’ve always thought applies to the way the British view themselves and certainly something that applies here, weary soldiers and civilians alike picking themselves up with the haunted promise in Tommy’s face. Youthful and yet tattered, dark and hollow yet with a measure of steel that lends backbone to that famous line: we shall go on to the end.

[delikizzzplays]

Code: Realize Guardian of Rebirth Review (Spoilers)

This is my favorite game on Vita and I am so hyped about the fandisc and the anime adaptations we will be getting later this year! 

Platform: PS Vita / Official English Release

Art: A++ It is amazing, so amazing in fact that the first otome art book I bought is for Code: Realize. I was a bit disappointed about the lack of moving sprites like Amnesia’s but got used to the gameplay pretty quickly because each character has a lot of great sprites with various expressions.

Soundtrack: So so good! I love its opening song and the bgms. 

Storyline/Setting: I love Steampunk/ Victorian England settings no matter how overused it is in media. I just love it. All the characters are based on the nineteenth-century characters whether they were fictional or not. For example, we have Queen Victoria and Saint Germain which were real people and then you have Victor from the novel Frankenstein. Sherlock Holmes is actually in the game too and goes under the Herlock Sholmes alibi which is hilariously obvious I love it. (He will be a playable route in the fandisc which is being localized later this year by aksys games). While he looks nothing like the Benedict Cumberbatch or Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock, he is still very attractive with his purple hair and I am excited about his route.

The main route is quite long (around 8 chapters) but it is interesting. Cardia goes through a great character development and is my favorite mc so far. Also if you leave her name as Cardia the characters will actually say her name. I really wish she had a voice actress she deserves one. I guess we will get one since I heard this is being made into an anime soon.

VA: Amazing obviously. Even side characters have popular VAs like Kaji Yuki (Kanato/ DiaLovers) voices Finis.

Routes will be reviewed in the order I played them. I will not summarize the events as many other blogs have done that a million times. I will just give you my opinions about each character and what I loved and disliked about them. So there will be some spoilers.

Victor Frankenstein ( VA: Kakihara Tetsuya, Shin/Amnesia Memories)

He is so precious. I expected him to be a crazy scientist guy so I played him first to get it over with but all he wants to do is good in this world. He is this precious cinnamon roll. He is really nice and becomes this blushing fool once you go into the romance route. His route also has the best solution to Cardia’s poison problem. You learn a lot about Queen Victoria’s deal and why Victor is a wanted man at the beginning of the game so I am glad I played his route first. Also the extra scene you unlock after completing his good ending is my second favorite in the game. It is so funny and cute.

Abraham Van Helsing (VA: Suwabe Junichi,  Ren Jingyuuji/ Utapri)

My favorite character hands down. He is this cold military guy who acts like he could care less about anyone else but his own mission but deep down he cares a lot about everyone. He is the infamous vampire slayer during the Vampire Wars where he kills Dracula and most of the vampires. He has a lot of regret and trauma in his life. He kind of reminds me of Bucky from MCU like I could see a lot of parallels between the characters after I finished his route so I probably have a favorite character archetype. HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT DOESN’T GET A KISS CG BECAUSE OF CARDIA’S POISON THO LIKE I AM LIVID I NEED THE FANDISC LOCALIZED ASAP.  His unlockable chapter is also my favorite in the game. From the way the guys react to his cooking skills to the way, he teases Cardia to get her all flustered to that CG! It is perfect.

P.S.: You get to see the infamous murderer Jack the Ripper in his route! I did a lot of saves during his chapter because I ended up getting both of the bad endings with the guy, kept on getting Cardia murdered it was frustrating.

Saint Germain (VA: Hirakawa Daisuke, Laito/DiaLovers)

Probably my second favorite route in this game because of all the angst! He does kind of go into Yandere territory I guess (which I hate as a character archetype) but his reasons for being possessive and murderous is not because of jealousy but because of his past and the organization he is part of so I could understand his dilemma. Dude carries the weight and guilt of the freaking Black Plague on his shoulders like I would probably try to kill the person I love, too if I was told I would cause another catastrophe like the freaking plague if that person lives. I love his character design as well. (white haired anime boys are so pretty tbh) Also, I hated his voice actor in DiaLovers like the way Laito goes Bitch-chan would make me want to murder him in the anime BUT I love him as Saint Germain.

Impey Barbicane (VA: Showtaro Morikubo, Okita/Hakuoki)

IMPEYYYYY THE MOST UNDERRATED PRECIOUS CHILD. So, he is no one’s favorite. I love his character design and how he like hits on Cardia all the time but he is also very sincere and funny and lighthearted despite his sad childhood and not toxic like most other dudes in the game BUT no one likes him whyyy??? I had pretty low expectations for his route because of all the low rankings he has but it was actually kind of difficult to get his good ending. I got his normal ending first and I was like WHAT THE FUCK and it was so sad T_T The only thing I don’t get about his route is that he was made a vampire but he wasn’t like a vampire at all minus being super strong so what was the point????? Where is the bloodlust and the whole sunlight burns me thing? He would probably be people’s fave if they did more with his vampire urges I think.

Arsene Lupin (VA: Maeno Tomoaki, Natsume Asahina/BroCon)

You cannot play his route until you get the good endings for all the other dudes. He is the “true ending” in the game where all the questions are answered. We also get the proper solution to Cardia’s poison problem and the whole keikaku of Finis and her dad and Queen Victoria’s bs. He is the gentleman thief that steals your heart in the prologue so it is good that his route is locked until you play all the other characters. HE looks better with his top hat on than without a hat imho, he looks like a basic brunette anime guy without his gentlemen thief costume tbh. He is still precious but his back story is kind of short because we spend more time completing the main story. He is cute but nowhere near my favorite guys in the game which is fine. I rarely favor the true route dudes in these games anyways.

Overall: I would give this game a 4.5/5 saltrock bullets. It is my favorite game. I love the steampunk setting, the writing and the characters. 

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[aion-rsa]

Lucifer Season 5 Episode 3 Review: ¡Diablo

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This Lucifer review contains spoilers.

“Things have changed up in Heaven.”

Workplace relationships in the real world typically prove challenging for all involved, and television writers continue to draw on the compelling conflicts that often arise out of these situations. The Moonlighting Myth has long been dispelled, and putting a television couple together doesn’t necessarily mean a show loses its edge and ultimately its audience. Good writing prevails. 

That said, Lucifer may be heading down a path that’s been travelled too far, too long, and at this point in the series’ history, completely unnecessary. The Devil and the detective work well together professionally. Lucifer loves Chloe. Chloe loves Lucifer. So what’s the problem? The trouble with angels (sorry, couldn’t help it) is that there are just so damned many of them, and if the writers’ plan is to continue to trot out another of Lucifer’s relatives or a well known biblical character every time the plot needs a jolt, then maybe it’s time to rethink that plan. 

There’s still a lot to like in “¡Diablo,” not the least of which is the “play within a play” narrative device that finds Chloe and Lucifer investigating the murder of a showrunner on the Warner Brothers set of a hit television show that eerily mirrors their own real life situation. And when it turns out that Matt Owens literally sold his soul to the Devil in return for the premise of Lt. Diablo, the humorous meta aspects of the show’s characters and their crime solving methods momentarily return Chloe and Lucifer to familiar territory. His name is Diablo, and hers is Dancer which neatly coincides with the character’s former career as an exotic dancer. “There are strippers out there considering becoming detectives. I’m kind of a role model.” Really. What’s not to love

Read more

TV

Lucifer Season 5 Episode 2 Review: Lucifer! Lucifer! Lucifer!

By Dave Vitagliano

TV

Lucifer Season 5 Part 1 Review (Spoiler-Free)

By Kirsten Howard

Suspect number one claims to have written over one hundred crime procedural scripts and after suggesting Owens’ death could have something to do with his drug problem, the new showrunner’s disdain for the entire genre comes to the surface. “Even Diablo could follow that clue path.” Though the investigations on Lucifer generally follow whatever relationship issues Chloe and Lucifer currently battle, here, it’s even more compelling as the detective and the actress commiserate about being manipulated by those around them. The helplessness many of the principals feel regarding their situations strikes at the heart, and when Lucifer matter of factly tells Chloe to simply “tell me what to do” to fix their present dilemma, it’s clear that he’s as oblivious as Diablo to the reality swirling about him.

Feeling betrayed by Lucifer after Michael’s revelation, Chloe’s desperation leads her to confide in the actress portraying Dancer, and while it’s certainly possible that the detective had already determined the actress’ guilt in both murders, there’s still a lot to be learned here. We’ve long known that “dear old Dad” placed Chloe in Lucifer’s path, but what does she realistically think he should have done with that knowledge? Would she have believed him? Even though she’s since been read into the celestial family reality, Lucifer’s return to watch over the demons in Hell left little time for the conversation that Chloe feels Lucifer ignored.

Along with forensic scientist Ella Lopez, Dan remains on the outside regarding the show’s fundamental truth that Lucifer is, in fact, the Devil. Though she’s weathered some significant crises of faith, her belief in God holds true at the moment, and we have to wonder how she will react once she learns Lucifer’s truth. Almost as an aside, however, we learn that Ella’s relationship with Dirty Doug continues, and when viewed in its totality, seems entirely out of character for her. Is she too feeling a bit left out?

After minimal opportunities in the season’s opening two episodes, Dan makes much more of an impact in “¡Diablo,” and his attempts to connect with Lucifer provide some delightful, yet meaningful moments. While Chloe struggles with her newly acquired knowledge and Maze fights against intense feelings of abandonment, Dan sets out to make not only his own life better but those around him as well. “I can feel your negative vibrations from across the room,” he tells Lucifer, brushing aside the cruel, personal jabs directed his way and then offers a piece of wisdom that Hell’s gatekeeper seems to comprehend. “Losing Charlotte made me realize we have so little control over our lives.” And while Chloe could benefit from this sage advice as well, it does appear to resonate with Lucifer who unexpectedly asks Dan for the matching bracelet he rejected earlier. A small moment that speaks to Lucifer’s growing humanity.

Leaving Amenadiel to “hold the fort while I’m gone” is a nice touch and temporarily leaves Dr. Linda on her own to deal with her own anxieties over their son’s safety. It’s always fun to watch her reason with Lucifer and his own concerns, but here the tables are turned a bit, and while they do counsel each other, the big takeaway is again, how oblivious Lucifer can sometimes be. 

The doc also meets with a terribly dispirited Mazikeen in one of the most poignantly funny scenes of the season. Watching ¡Diablo on television, the women talk out their fears, and it’s fascinating to watch Linda reassure the ordinarily overconfident demon that their relationship is solid. But Maze always seems to be on the outside looking in at others developing serious relationships while she struggles with her fading self-esteem. However, it’s Linda’s self-worth that now appears to be in question, and after last episode’s revelation that she may have given birth in 1994, her declaration that she and Maze can spend eternity in Hell leads to the conclusion that something tragic may have occurred when she was younger. 

We’ve seen all the characters battle self-doubt before, but Michael’s assertion that he’s been subtly working his twin brother “since the dawn of time” suddenly becomes a real possibility. Did Michael really plant the seed in his brother’s head that led to the failed rebellion against their Father? Is this sibling feud solely based on the jealousy Michael feels towards his brother? 

Action sequences on Lucifer don’t occur with any regularity, and fight scenes that require the same actor to play both roles are difficult to successfully execute for any director. The highlight here is not only the realism of the scene but the fact that they slug it out amidst the scattered, broken pieces of Lucifer’s beloved grand piano. Though the black and white keys continually remind us of Lucifer’s constantly developing dual nature, here they represent the stark differences between the brothers.

Lucifer’s attempt to use Maze’s blade to cut and then kill Michael leads nicely into her exchange with the not-quite-dead evil twin who now bears a nasty scar across his face. Seemingly unsuccessful with Lucifer and Chloe, Michael turns his attention toward Maze and the claim that Lucifer is keeping secrets from her and “I can tell you how to find it out for yourself.” Can Maze be influenced this easily to take up arms against someone with whom she possesses so much history? 

Fortunately, the writers made the wise decision to keep Chloe and Lucifer’s physical separation brief, and though the detective’s reaction to Michael’s news appears to be perfectly reasonable considering its enormity, “¡Diablo” sets the stage for what amounts to a potential civil war within the LAPD family. Now we wait to see whose words carry more weight with Chloe – Lucifer’s or Michael’s. There’s always trouble with angels.

The post Lucifer Season 5 Episode 3 Review: ¡Diablo appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[horrible-monstrosity]

steven poontangiverse continues

Lion 4: Well, technically I've already seen this one, sooooo...

nope, still lame, still includes steven sticking his big ol key into rose's giant spaceship vagina. nnf

Now I'm gonna be honest here, I have a bit of a soft spot for Lars. Just... the show seems designed to shit on him, and the fandom is incredibly happy to follow suit, declaring him the worst person ever... despite him being, at worst, just your average awkward asshole teen. He has confidence issues, tries to be cooler than he actually is, dodges work, has some actual possibly serious social anxiety (hedgehog dilemma? Does Lars need to get in the fucking robot?) He's an entirely understandable character but for some reason everyone just seems to want to fucking hate him. And it's sad. So it kinda fucking warms my heart to see him have something he's good at... and then kinda crushes it a bit to see his ube roll thrown in the dumpster. Is this good writing, or am I just turning soft?

"... and finding out my mom was a war criminal." Okay, I laughed. I don't know fucking why.

"I wish I could just force him to be happy! Oh, no, now I sound like my mother, that's definitely the problem here. Maaaaybe I should try and fix my own shit instead of outright admitting I'm trying to fix his without his consent." nvm we're back to this bullshit again Just kidnap him to a desert island again, that worked out so well the first time, right? I suppose I should count my blessings she's considering not being a psycho bitch anymore, but the... lackadaisical treatment of Sadie's rather fucked-up attitude still just... concerns me. But, uh, how dare Lars slack off at his god damn donut job and force Sadie to work more donuts?

Doug Out- did this come before Lars episode? It's missing from the piracy site I usually use. YO HO HO eh this was dumb but inoffensive i guess. I lik the part where Connie points out all the previous enemies that haven't been resolved yet and have kinda just been forgotten about blowtorches don't rip fences open you dorps Dad Indian feels emasculated because he isn't as eempowwer'd as his female family members kek

And then the actual plot kicks in I guess Sadie mom has all of Sadie's keys... I think we're starting to see where Sadie gets her fucked up side from... Mmm, yes, go on another island adventure with her boyfriend. Yes, that. mmmmmultiple people disappear in a fairly small town and it takes everyone forever to notice anything's going on...... "This was a waste of time" lol yep it was. The drawing scene would have been funny if it weren't part of an ostensibly serious plot sequence, but it is, soooo....

So the show does something magical here. It beings hinting at something... actually fairly interesting: the prospect of another human-gem hybrid like Steven, or even a gem adopted and raised by a human. In the entirety of human and gem history, you'd think there'd be more times than Greg and Rose where a gem and a human came into contact with each other, interacted with each other, even formed a family of some kind. It would be very interesting to find such a character, and interacting with them could give Steven a lot to go off of in his own search for his purpose and thus his growth as a character... ..... but then it turns out it was just a dumb incredibly forced pun on an incidental line of dialogue from however the fuck many episodes ago!!! wow how interesting compared to what steven and connie came up with!!! good write crewniverse!!!!!!

boy crystal gems maybe you should try not attacking her one at a time huh hey how about attack topaz while she's defused you STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS topaz too thicc for steven's bubble (lennyface) TOPAZ INFLATION FETISH HA HAHHAH AH AHA SHIT

... I love watching this supposedly progressive show get downright traditionalist, or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. It goes riiiiight out of its way to make Lars having an entirely normal reaction to the prospect of being reabsorbed by Topaz or being punched in the face to death by a giant musclewoman by taking this precise little pause to wave Sadie in his face before he runs for it. And this is the Sadie who beat the fuck out of a gem monster before. She's a strong independant guuuuuurl who don't need no man, so Lars better go risk his skinny weak life and limb for her while she doesn't even lift a finger. #heforshe Heck, maildude acts basically exactly the same, freaking out and being "ouhouou i'm paralyzed with fear", and... that's okay apparently. He gets to have Steven carrying him to safety. No un curr. But fuck Lars, amirite?? And the fandom just eats it up. I've seen plenty of complaining that Lars didn't... do something he was absolutely incapable of, and how he should feel guilty for not saving his big strongk independent girlfriend who kidnapped him to a desert island and wants to reshape his personaity to one she likes better. I suppose while he's being kidnapped into deep space by aliens who're entirely likely to fuck his shit right up, what he should really be angsting about is not having saved his shitty girlfriend who's down on Earth safe anyway. reeeeeeeee-- But the best comment on this I've seen has been people complaining about... Lars not showing up to the party being "another" """example""" of him """""abandoning""""" poor Sadie to the horrible fate of attending a potluck instead of facing things LIKE A MAN and I don't even know because what the fuc does he even need to save her from here. Also she could just have fucking left if it was such a fucking bother. Maybe go look for Lars like she actually fucking cared about him or something. Also, you know, the complete and utter lack of sympathy for Lars' emotional problems.

Anyway, putting that aside... This whole episode is basically an idiot plot yo-yo... There's no reason for YD to want this incredibly specific arbitrary list of people in the first place except muh plot and dumb wordplay. Everyone gets captured, Steven has this great dramatic moment where he makes the decision to do the thing, and he almost gets everyone out of there... except then they get captured again, except they don't and going after them in the first place was entirely pointless, and Steven has a second shittier hysterical big dramatic moment where he rehashes his big attention-getting reveal to Top and Aq except not lying this time. And then even though the gems stopped the ship the first time T and A just get away. this is shit. why would you write this. why The human kidnapping plot that made up most of the tension of the preceeding episodes turns out almost entirely pointless. Steven's first go-do-the-thing moment, where he steps into Topaz's dramatic light, was the one that was set up to be meaningful, to carry some sort of weight, to show Steven shouldering some sort of responsibility. It was even the one used in the bomb trailer. But the writers decided to undo, undermine and overwrite it with a scene fufilling basically the same purpose but more pathetic. ... Given the show's penchant for refusing Steven any purpose or direction, I'm half expecting this was on purpose.

Also that scene where Topaz threatened to kill mailguy and started fucking twisting his neck was... really out of place. What the fuck. Apparently Lars legit dies in the next few episodes too, even if he's brought back. What the fuck, show? Aquamarine's fucking art shift rape face as she said it didn't help either.

tldr things finally happened but it still succ