#i like nurse too but i usually only play her with the 115 after hit addon

[turbro]

most played killers tho? 👀

Wraith is by far my favorite, and the anti-lightburn update I'm getting makes me very happy. He was a fucking force during genkick meta and I got a 13 winstreak on him (and if i'd counted ties as not resetting, I think it was closert to 25?) He's good in the right hands but suffers greatly on dense maps.

I really enjoy a good Hexy-heavy Myers build, Plaything+Retribution on him is STANKY

I play Pallet Freddy (mostly when im drunk) as my "no thoughts head empty" killer

Spirit is by no means low tier but she feels like Better Wraith and she's super fun. Also she has a Big Hat.

I used to really like Plague but something about her power un-clicked for me a while back and I haven't done well with her since.

I have a friend who bought me Demogorgon before he went into the Netflix Vault and I'm glad because he's super fun

Pyramid Head I used to hate playing and then I did his adept and discovered a love for hitting people on gens through walls while undetectable

SOMETIMES I play Trickster but the maps recently have been awful for him

Pinhead I enjoy but I never try for annoying box builds (coconut why did you release that upon us) because I don't like playing AGAINST them so I won't play WITH them.

I wanna like Sadako but. God at what cost.

Dredge is one of my favorite killers after Wraith, and I usually play it when I stop wanting to deal with shack.

Ranking 'em I'd say...

Wraith

Dredge

Spirit

Myers

Demogorgon

Pyramid Head

Pinhead

Plague

Trickster

Freddy/Sadako

The others I don't think I play enough to really have a ranking or anything. Like I said, I like low tier killers lmao.

[kronos-the-timelord]

Dude, do all of the numbers for that getting to know you better ask! Or half bc 200 is a lot :0

ahhhhhh,, you so nice

1: My name? - Margaret

2: Do I have any nicknames? - maggie, mag, mags, maggles, at one point my friends called me parky

3: Zodiac sign? - libra

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? - i’ve never been too good at video games (but i like watching ppl playing them) and i’ve only ever had a wii so my sims kingdom was a favorite of mine

5: Book/series I reread? - divergent and pjo

6: Aliens or ghosts? - yes

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? - @kata-chthonia

8: Favourite radio station? - 103.3 fm, although i mostly listen to spotify now

9: Favourite flavour of anything? - grape and blue raspberry

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? - great or cool

11: Favourite song? - a to b by matt hires

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? - it usually has to do with what drew me to them in the first place followed up by a version ‘why do you think that?’ i like knowing how ppl think bc it gives me a better way to start understand their view

13: Favourite word? - aurora

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? - i can’t really remember, so i dont know what that says :/

15: Last song I listened to? - serial killer by moncrieff

16: TV show I always recommend? - dexter or if they don’t like blood and violence, any of john mulaneys specials

17: Pirates or ninjas? - i liked pirates when i was younger, but ninjas are cool

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? - any studio ghibli or song of the sea

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? - lately its been SLUT by bea miller

20: Favourite video games? - i really love boderlands, the art style is great

21: What am I most afraid of? - snakes and failing at something i’ve been saying that i wanted to do my entire life

22: A good quality of mine? - im nice??

23: A bad quality of mine? - im a bit aggressive and im really blunt about things

24: Cats or dogs? - dogs!! I like cats too but i dont know how to interact with them

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? - he’s a voice actor, but crispin freeman is really cool!

26: Favourite season? - fall and spring

27: Am I in a relationship? - yeah, but it’s long distance during the school year ;-;

28: Something I miss? - my boi,, he’ll be back soon tho

29: My best friend? @keencheckerboard and @memeathon

30: Eye colour? - brown

31: Hair colour? - brown with red and blonde highlights

32: Someone I love? - my mom

33: Someone I trust? - @keencheckerboard

34: Someone I always think about? - @memeathon

35: Am I excited about anything? - finals to be over!

36: My current obsession? - bnha tbh

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? - i loved avatar and ed, edd, and eddy

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? - to an extent, but i dont tell them /every/thing

39: Am I superstitious? - kind of

40: What do I think about most? - right now, school

41: Do I have any strange phobias? - not really, i mean i overthink a lot of things, but there’s no phobias

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind

43: Favourite hobbies? - drawing/reading/writing/sleeping

44: Last book I read? - i think it was called stung, i actually finished it bc i wanted to complain about it properly

45: Last film I watched? - dumbo, my friend wanted to go see it, it wasnt good

46: Do I play any instruments? - i played clarinet for 3 years

47: Favourite animal? - dogs

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? - @wemakuu @wemakuutwo @keencheckerboard @memeathon @kata-chthonia

49: Superpower I wish I could have? - teleportation

50: How do I destress? - getting cozy and warm under my blankets with the lights off

51: Do I like confrontation? - i can be aggressive so i will be confrontational if i have to but i don’t go out of my way for it

52: When do I feel most at peace? - in my bed with the lights off

53: What makes me smile? - my friends, my boi, and goofy animal videos

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? - gotta be pitch black

55: Play any sports? - i played roller derby for 3 years

56: What is my song of the week? - really feeling be by hozier

57: Favourite drink? - …..water…. and a slushee

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? - i think last summer???

59: Afraid of heights? - nope

60: Pet peeve? - slow walkers

61: What was the last concert I went to see? - does my high school’s band count???

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? - nah

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? - ob nurse, i still do

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? - no, i’ve had ppl i tolerated turn into ppl i hate tho

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? - bhna, but i feel the hero drama would get annoying after awhile

66: Something I worry about? - failing my classes

67: Scared of the dark? - nope

68: Who are my best friends? - this is the same as 29

69: What do I admire most about others? - their drive and where their motivation comes from

70: Can I sing? - no ;-;

71: Something I wish I could do? - sing

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? - pay off my loans and (hopefully) for the rest of my college and then put whatever i had left into a savings account

73: Have I ever skipped school? - yes

74: Favourite place on the planet? - i think the smoky mountains are really pretty and i loved vacationing around them, but colorado was really neat too, so probs one of those places

75: Where do I want to live? - somewhere on the northeast coast!

76: Do I have any pets? - yeah!! He’s a doggo named dageus,,,, here he is,, the big boi!! (hes 121 pounds of love!!!!!)

77: What is my current desktop picture? - something @memeathon drew me

78: Early bird or night owl? - night owl

79: Sunsets or sunrise? - im usually awake during sunset, but sunrise is really pretty

80: Can I drive? - yeah!

81: Story behind my last kiss? - i was saying bye to my boi at the airport

82: Earphones or headphones? - earphones

83: Have I ever had braces? - yeah,, they weren’t fun

84: Story behind one of my scars? - i have a couple little ones from acne on my back but other than that i don’t have any

85: Favourite genre of music? - i think indie rock?? Is that a genre?? Punk maybe????

86: Who is my hero? - florence nightingale,, she was hella cool and i went to her museum in london

87: Favourite comic book character? - i didn’t read a lot of comic books but i always liked spiderman and witchblade

88: What makes me really angry? - when ppl make fun of my friends >:l

89: Kindle or real book? - i like real books but ebooks are nice for traveling!!

90: Favourite sporty activity? - roller derby or skating

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? - im not really sure what this question means????? But i didn’t like that in my middle school that the behavior coach(es) would already pick sides or would already hate kids that did nothing wrong and then in my high school no one cleaned up after themselves bc ‘the janitors can do it’ :/ it was really annoying

92: What was my favourite subject at school? - english/creative writing and art!!

93: Siblings? - i got an older brother who’s a big nerd

94: What was the last thing I bought? - i went to target last night and i got $68 worth of stuff including planty stuff, food, and gift stuff for my boyfriend’s moms

95: How tall am I? - 5’6” but i will not hesitate bitch

96: Can I cook? - yeah!

97: Can I bake? - yeah!

98: 3 things I love? - my friends/family, animals, and plants

99: 3 things I hate? - slow walkers, rasict/homo/trans/biphobic (anyone who just hates ppl for no reason tbh), and rude ppl >:l

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? - more girl friends,,, i’ve kinda lost contact with most of my guy friends over the years,,,,

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? - i feel more comfortable around other girls now but when i was younger i was okay with everyone

102: Where was I born? - in the cornfields of the midwest (i fucking hate this state)

103: Sexual orientation? - straight

104: Where do I currently live? - in the cornfields of the midwest, i am the creature you’re warned about, don’t walk alone at night

105: Last person I texted? - @memeathon : D

106: Last time I cried? - yesterday,,, finals hit me hard but i feel better now :D

107: Guilty pleasure? - uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,, looking at gross stuff,,, like surgeries and sometimes those pimple popping videos,,,,,,,,

108: Favourite Youtuber? - i’ve been watching a lot of gordon ramsay videos lately but i think brandon rogers or sovietwomble are up there

109: A photo of myself. - heres one i took on my break at work

110: Do I like selfies? - no,,, i don’t really like looking back on photos of myself bc i think i just look weird,, like even in my super nice senior photos,,, or baby pictures,,

111: Favourite game app? - does neko astsume count???

112: My relationship with my parents? - it’s p good :D

113: Favourite accents? - i’m not really sure,,, i think just a flat accent, like midwestern bc its the one im most familiar with so its like homey???????

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? - japan,, nowhere in specific i just want to see the country

115: Favourite number? - 23!!!!

116: Can I juggle? - no

117: Am I religious? - im a polytheist (a bad one, but oh well)

118: Do I like space? - i love space!!!! Its so neat!!!!!!

119: Do I like the deep ocean? - no!!! Its awful!!!!

120: Am I much of a daredevil? - i think my friends think i am, but i dont really think so, i mean i’ll try anything if it sounds fun, but not everything

121: Am I allergic to anything? - not that i know of

122: Can I curl my tongue? - yes

123: Can I wiggle my ears? - no

124: Do I like clowns? - not really

125: The Beatles or Elvis? - a little bit of each

126: My current project? - my creative writing portfolio ;-; its not that hard but im trying to figure out how to get this character right

127: Am I a bad loser? - depends on what i lost in, like if it was a game i didn’t really care about than no, but if it was something that i cared about a lot than yeah

128: Do I admit when I wrong? - i always try to, but sometimes i don’t

129: Forest or beach? - forest,, i don’t like the beach,, too much sand

130: Favourite piece of advice? - it’s not really advice but just the reminder that your current situation is not your final destination

131: Am I a good liar? - i think so

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? - slytherin (its funny bc im scared of snakes)/ dauntless/ and i think district 6 (i live in the crossroads of america so yeah)

133: Do I talk to myself? - all the fucking time

134: Am I very social? - sometimes, i am kinda a social introvert

135: Do I like gossip? - i like to hear it but not be part of it

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? - i have a bullet journal and i try to keep up with my habit and mood tracker daily

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? - no, but i have gotten like high d’s and low c’s before that make me sad

138: Do I believe in second chances? - depends on what they messed up on the first chance, like if someone cheated then no

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? - i would like to say that i would return it with no money taken, but im just not sure :/

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? - yeah, if they’re really trying and realize that they need to, but even if they do change i know not everyone will accept them back into their lives and it shouldn’t be expected that they should after someone changes for the better

141: Have I ever been underweight? - no

142: Am I ticklish? - very and i have this weird tactile thing thats like i dont like ppl lightly touching me, it freaks me out

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? - no

144: Have I ever been on a plane? - yes!! I love flying!! Its so much fun!!

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? - uhhhh,, im going to go by face,, i think for me - shailene woodley bc when she had her short hair ppl told me i looked like her @meme - liana liberato, she got the round face @keen - winona ryder (but back in beetlejuice) boyfriend - tucker west, i know he’s not an actor but he looks so much like him,,,, also it took me forever just to find these guys so im not finding family :p

146: Have I ever been overweight? - no

147: Do I have any piercings? - i have my ears pierced!

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? - hari jurono,,, i love him ;-;

149: Do I have any tattoos? - no, but i already have some picked out that i want

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? - ummmm??? Im not sure?????

151: Do I believe in Karma? - yeah

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? - contacts during the day and glasses at night

153: What was my first car? - i have a subaru crosstrek named inko!!! I love her!!

154: Do I want children? - no

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? - my mom tbh,,, shes really smart

156: My most embarrassing memory? - omfg,, so this goes to show how oblivious i am about social interactions, but it was my first week in college and this junior was talking to me and i didnt realize he was flirting with me until after we traded snapchats and he left, so i panicked and never said anything to him again and blocked him

157: What makes me nostalgic? - when i walk around my neighborhood sometimes (i live near the preschool i went to) and i was over at my elementary school almost a year ago now, but i remember walking down the hall and seeing all the different teachers there now and it made me sad

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? - yes, just last week

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? - brains

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? - darker colors like black and blue, but im trying to get lighter ones in there too

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? - yes, many times, but the one that sticks out to me is that one night i woke up at like 5 am for no reason, but i was just suddenly wide awake and something felt off, so i was trying to get comfy again and flipped over on my other side so i was facinging the door into my room instead of my wall and in front of my door was a tall black figure with red eyes staring at me and when i blinked it went away,, now i know this can be explained by some other things but with my family it seems more likely to be paranormal

162: What do I hate most about myself? - uhh, i procrastinate way too much

163: What do I love most about myself? - i always support my friends

164: Do I like adventure? - depends on the adventure,,, i like traveling, but not too much walking bc i have bad knees

165: Do I believe in fate? - not really

166: Favourite animal? - question 47

167: Have I ever been on radio? - no, but i was on my school’s announcements and i hated it

168: Have I ever been on TV? - no

169: How old am I? - 19

170: One of my favourite quotes? - “The Gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment could be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed”

171: Do I hold grudges? - im petty

172: Do I trust easily? - no,, im just cautious around ppl bc i just don’t know them

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? - some of them

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? - im not too sure,,, i got a p cool backpack for my birthday tho that i use everyday

175: Do I dream? - yeah, cant remember too many tho

176: Have I ever had a night terror? - no??

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? - can’t remember a lot after i wake up, but i just recently had one with some bnha characters in it, i can’t remember what happened, i just know that they were there

178: An experience that has made me stronger? - i know this might sound a bit morbid, but my aunt’s funeral, it was the first funeral i went to where i understood what was happening and it made me more open to learning and accepting death

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? - want to fucking die,,, i’ve never understood ppl who are scared of dying/want to live forever,, like why would you want that??? What’s the point??? You’ll just watch everyone you love die,,, i know it’s going to be hard on me when that happens to my closer family members, but even the new ppl you befriend,, i just couldn’t

180: Do I like shopping? - yeas

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? - tax evasion

182: What does “family” mean to me? - the ppl who i care about deeply and who love me, not all of them are blood related and not all the blood related ones are part of it

183: What is my spirit animal? - idk?????? Maybe a turtle???

184: How do I want to be remembered? - tbh, i don’t really want to be remembered

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? - drawing

186: What is my greatest failure? - im not sure

187: What is my greatest achievement? - uhh, i feel like its hard to point at a specific point and be like “that was the best thing i could have done, if i didn’t do that i wouldn’t be who i am today”

188: Love or money? - money

189: Love or career? - career

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? - probably to some point in the future,, i dont know where tho

191: What makes me the happiest? - the ppl i care about being happy

192: What is “home” to me? - the house i currently live in,, my family is here and im surrounded by ppl i love,, it’ll probably change with time, but for now its here

193: What motivates me? - spite

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? - it’s important to keep moving forward, don’t let the past hold you down

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? - kind of, i think it would be p cool

196: A movie that scared me as a child? - it wasn’t a movie but i know the animated wolf from peter and the wolf freaked me out

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? - i hated mushrooms, but i love them now

198: Zombies or vampires? - vampires

199: Live in the city or suburbs? - suburbs super close to city

200: Dragons or wizards? - DRAGONS

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? - its silly but when i was younger it would be my mom and i going to the mall downtown and the escalators were missing the part that connected them to the floor so you had to hop over it and when we would get to the 4th floor i would miss the jump and fall

202: How do I define love? - i know a lot of ppl are like “i would die for you or kill for you” something along those lines but i think it’s more living for someone, wanting to see them accomplish everything they wanted, being there for them during their lows203: Do I judge a book by its cover? - yeah, i wont pick up something that doesnt catch my eye

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? - no

205: Do I like my handwriting? - yeah!! Its loopy

206: Sweet or savoury? - sweet

207: Worst job I’ve had? - ive liked all the jobs ive had

208: Do I collect anything? no

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? - a hoodie/sweater of some kind

210: What is on my bucket list? - going to greece

211: How do I handle anger? - i usually rant for a bit, maybe cry to get the extra hormones out, maybe break something

212: Was I named after anyone? - no, but i did have the same name as my great grandma

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? - yes

214: What TV character am I most like? - im been watching bnha a lot so i think either kirishima or uraraka

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? - i can cross my eyes and then move one of them

216: Favourite fictional character? - ,,,,, im not sure,, i really love eric from divergent

[ohaidacia-blog]

My birth story. 4 months later

35 weeks and 1 day. ONE DAY.

I woke up that day feeling pretty crappy and not crappy because I was having laboring pains or anything. Crappy because the Friday before I was told I was 4 centimeters dilated and to be "admitted" I had to be 5. My doctor told me I was 4 centimeters, told me she could feel one of my twins head through the bag of water, tried to stretch me just a tad be wider and even called Labor & Delivery to see if I could come in a have my twins. No luck. I went home overemotional and in very much pain. I had no energy or even cared to try to walk up stairs, have sex or any of those other things proven to pick up labor. My contractions were consistently at 4-5 minutes or 5-7 minutes apart but I always knew what to do (drink lots and lots of water) so I ignored it. Plus, with as many times that David and I went to L&D and they stopped the contractions and told me I was "too early" I just slept through them that night, after a hot shower to ease the pain, of course.

Here we are, Saturday. I was 35 weeks and 1 day. I woke up feeling the exact same way I went to sleep, i.e. contractions, exhausted, tired of being pregnant. My contractions had continued all through the night and into the morning. David and I were just lounging around the house as we usually do on Saturdays. Around 1 pm, something did not feel right. My water did not break or anything for cause of concern, but I just did not feel good. I called my advice nurse, texted my mom and got ready. I was instructed to go into L&D. Hearing this for the fourth time did not make me jump for joy. In the past, me and my husband would go in and they would load me with fluids, check my cervix and send me home, all within 5-8 hours. Hearing that, I casually finished my slice of pizza and packed my puppy, Minnie. Nothing too fast and dramatic, I was dreading this hour drive and to be told to go back home.

Two hours later, after making a pit stop for ice chips (mmmmm) and dropping of my puppy at the in laws, we had arrived. I did not feel like I was in labor, if anything my contractions were the same 4-5 minutes and honestly not even hurting me. I was content. We got up to the third floor of Holy Cross Hospital and I check in. Nonchalantly giving the receptionist all my information (because I know the drill by now, it's the fourth time) and then I sit in the waiting room. There is about three other laboring patients in the lobby. I was, obviously, the biggest (being pregnant with twins and all) but I didn't think I was the one in most pain and laboring as bad as the others. Looking around the room I saw this sign that read "patients will be called back based on urgency and number of beds available". In my mind, I read "Dacia will be called back last". I sat there and watched the Olympic recap and probably some politics and then, my name was called. What? 

Being called back so fast, and before the others who looked to be more in pain to me, was a total shock. And to be honest, those lady looked just as shocked as I was. Was it because I was 35 weeks with twins? I felt totally fine.

Walking back into triage was something I remembered. I asked my nurse, who I'd been with about three out of the four times now, if I needed to pee in a cup because I had been saving it for this exact moment. She told me "no". That was something new. I got to my room and stripped down, not needing to be told and I took off everything except my socks and had the gown opened to the back. A few nurses who noticed me came in and had quick conversations. As I've stated before this was my fourth visit and also, to add, my aunt had worked in triage and L&D at Holy Cross Hospital and my mom had delivered 7/8 o f her kids here. The last name Epps is not as common as you think. My husband loved being known and having connects, it made him feel important and almost like a celebrity. For me, this was normal everywhere I went.

Anyway, back to being butt naked in a gown in triage. I was put on the monitor, as usual, to monitor the babies movements and contractions. Everything was normal. The only difference between this time and the last time was how much further along I was. That’s all I needed, apparently. My nurse Michelle pulled back the curtain and said "are you ready to have these twins?!" with such a huge smile on her face. Happiest day of my life.

I remember them telling me how much longer it would be until someone would come wheel me into L&D and how many people were in front of me for C-section. It all hit me right there. I was so anxious to have these babies out of me that I had never mentally thought about how they'd  come out or just delivery day period. I had so many emotions. Excited because I'd meet my little men who had been kicking my ass these 8 months, nervous about having my first major surgery, curious if the babies would need assistance breathing and if they would be big enough to come home with us.

Getting our room in L&D was the most surreal part. We had never gotten this far yet. David was handed some scrubs and nurse after nurse came in to tell me about my wait time and prep me for my epidural. After that happened, we waited. I was handed my hair cover and was told to take all my piercings and jewelry off and then wheeled away. My husband waited outside the operation room and waited for the O.K. to come in. I remember the operation room being so bright and cold, I was literally shivering. There was music playing and lots of chit-chat. The vibe was AMAZING, saying I was about to get cut open and risk my life for my babies. Nothing too serious because I was not a serious person. Many nurses introduced themselves but I was half listening because I was wondering "where is my husband?". There was team Baby A and team Baby B, double the nurses. Plus there were the surgeons and a student. This was only his second C-section… yikes. I remember thinking to myself that my twins would go in the books for him.

When they were about to get started someone said "where's dad?" I will forever thank that person because I'm sure I was seconds away from being cut open. He came in with the biggest smile on his face and sat right beside my head. We had  some weird side conversation, because what else do you talk about when you're being cut open and about to become parents?  I was mostly chatty because I did not know if I was going to feel a lot of pain or what. That conversation only lasted about 1 minute because the next thing we heard was "here comes Baby A" and a cry.  The cutest newborn cry. I instantly cried, and I don't know why because stuff like that doesn't bring me to tears. I guess its some type of chemical thing when becoming a parent because David cried during our first ultrasound at 8 weeks hearing the heartbeat and discovering we were having twins and I cried as a baby gets pulled out of me. Anyway, next thing I heard was a doctor asking David if he wanted to cut the cord and so he did. Seconds later, Baby B was pulled out and brought into this world. August 27th, 2016 at 9:01 and 9:02 pm.

 David had the option to stay with me or go with the twins and I told him, yes told him, because we had had this conversation numerous of times, that he must go with the twins. Looking back, he wished he would have stayed because my surgery went downhill. While the boys were getting cleaned and bathed, I was bleeding out on the table for two straight hours. I remember receiving two more blood transfusions while I was in and out of consciousness. I remember a surgeon yell out "Mrs. Swanson, if we cant get your uterus to contract and the blood to stop we will have to remove your uterus". You know I was that much out of it because I said "okay" knowing damn well that I wanted more kids. I was hemorrhaging, bad. My uterus was so overstretched because of the two 5 lb. 5 oz. babies that had just came out of me and I am only 5 feet and 115 lbs. myself. I started to feel a lot and apparently starting moving my legs and becoming fidgety and the anesthesiologist  continue to dose me up with more and more medicine. Eventually I would be out cold for the rest of the surgery and eventually the rest of the night.

I don't remember much after the last dose of medicine that went down my spine, other than the fact that it was cold going into my spine. I don’t remember being wheeled back into my room, I don't remember being greeted by my husband or seeing my babies. Periodically through the night I recall a number of nurses surrounding my bed trying to wake me. I now know (because my husband told me)that they were asking me a series of questions, such as who I was and where I lived. I recall answering these questions but maybe it was in my head because I never opened my mouth or even my eyes. I remember hearing my husbands voice and answering him, but that never happened either.  I was shivering uncontrollable to where there was about five heated blankets on me. The nurses came in like clockwork to push on my stomach and check my bleeding. It honestly felt like they came in every hour but it was every 15 minutes and progressively got further apart. I was asleep from the birth of my babies until 10 am the next morning.

 When the next morning rolled along, I had no clue about how unresponsive I was and how I had worried all my nurses and my husband. I had no clue where my babies where and even what time of day it was. How long had I been asleep? I called my husband over who had been sleeping in the couch on the other side of the room.  I was very weak, I threw something at him to get his attention because I couldn't yell. He explained how I was practically out cold and unresponsive to the nurses, what happened during surgery and that the twins are perfectly healthy and in the nursery so that I could rest. Meanwhile, while he was explaining this I was dosing in and out. I knew I had to get myself together in order to see my babies because I figured they would not give me them being drugged up and falling asleep mid… everything. So when the next nurse walked in I sat up straight and tried to pretend everything was good. Pretend I was completely responsive. Pretend I was not still dosed up on whatever. Just pretend. The nurse came in with the doctor and I was able to drink water and juice. The doctor then told me how much I worried the team last night and that "it's highly recommended to not get pregnant for another year or so". Done deal.

It was about 10:30am when I finally got to see my babies. Almost 14 hours the next day after delivery. I was still dosing off but I had my husband watch me and stay by my side. I remember looking at them and saying "they are so perfect" but maybe it was in my mind again. They had so much hair, great complexion and were swaddled so snug, it was amazing!  They looked just like my husband. Even better, they were healthy and breathing on their own (No NICU!) Everything I went through was worth it (although I didn't know how much pain I was in because I was still on a lot of the medication from the night before).Shortly after I got to hold them for the first time, we were all wheeled upstairs to the maternity suites. There my road to recovery would begin, and it would be a bumpy road.