#i like my two current fallout 4 characters and i’ll be sad to finally let go of em but i just can’t maintain interest

[old-skulls]

how about if instead of continuing on with my two existing fallout 4 characters i just remake an old one

[harm0nianecterepassus]

“Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love” by Isthisselfcare (commentary, not a review! Just my inner thoughts as i read)

Day one: Of course I couldn’t wait and started reading last night 🫠 Currently on chapter 4 and i’m already laughing out loud and loving the small details. It’s so refreshing after reading three rather “serious” fics before… glad i made that choice! I think i’ll be updating my reading process in this post! So I’ll be editing it as i go and have it pinned to the top of my page for easy access… let’s goo!!

Day one update: how fucking GREAT and literally up my alley it is that this fic HAS VISUAL AID for places and such???! I’m the type of person who NEEDS a clear mental image so the story can flow in my head, whether is the layout of a house, a characters clothing, etc. (I literally have to remind myself how would 20-30’s Draco or Hermanione would look like bc i’m so used to them being teenagers in my head. I will look up more recent pictures of tom and emma to get an idea (is it only me who finds is hard to imagine Draco with a beard/facial hair and as an older guy still with white-blond hair? It’s like Tom but with bleached hair) and also VOICES, i can literally hear them talking in my head while reading dialogue… I know, my head is very stubborn and weird with the way it forms images and characters, am I the only one? Anyways, loving this “plus”!

Day two: how is it possible to LAUGH OUT LOUD SO MANY TIMES? My face hurts from it! I’m on chapter 8 and i’m so obsessed with Draco’s charcter: he’s witty, funny, sarcastic and charming while ALSO being a prat lol this is right up my alley, gosh I’m so happy right now… And Hermione’s demeanor is so well done! I love that this is more of a “draco’s pov” because all of the ones i’ve read are more from a Hermione’s pov and i find myself more drawn to know D’s thought process rather than H’s, i guess it’s bc we get to know much more of her through the canon storyline… ah, joy!

Day three: currently on chap 15. This HAS to be the best thing that i’ve ever laid eyes upon. It’s so well thought, places and references amazingly described and REFERENCED (i can’t get enough of it). The french references and dialogues, ah! Fabulous! the author said they’re half french so I love how much they included it. Anyways, i’m GIDDY every two minutes, i laugh my arse off with every joke and “quirky moment”, this is definitely a “slow burn” but it’s so well done, you can *actually* see it progressing but it’s so effortless that it just makes sense. I have a feeling i’ll finish this one before the weekend ends and i’m already sad! Will update soon!

Day four: ah! Finally, a kiss! I have to say, i’m loving this slow burn, because there’s so much interesting stuff happening in between, i can’t complain; love their outings, and parties and intimate dinners and everything! It all feels so organic and it’s entertaining, the story advances flawlessly. I love that, even when there are no romantic things happening, the story in itself is so good and captivating… you know i love my references, and they add the perfect amount of *pzaz* to help my brain create an entire scene.. As always, BRILLIANT! Favorite characters so far (aside from d&h): Henrriette is the GOAT; Nott, always a fave through the fics i’ve read; Crooks, a king as always. And honorable mention to the Magdalena’s skull, she was iconic!

Day five: UNHINGED NUNS!!!! Chapter 33 was So fucking good! I’m at the end of it now, only a few chapters left i believe, and i’ve enjoyed it so much! Honestly, what a beautifuly worded story, i’m in awe of the genious of Isthisselfcare, i don’t think i’ll ever be over this fic! Final stretch, here we go!

Update: ah! It’s over, me heart is full, i laughed until my face hurt, i screamed, i squealed, i felt every emotion possible~ and it was perfect! Thanks to the ppl who said i should read it first after The Fallout (which was rather dark at some points), because it gave me the dose of chill/happy/funny dhr i needed before jumping on to the next fic! I believe i’m leaning toward MoaM or should i grow some ovaries for a change and go straight into Manacled? Help! Anyways, just to conclude, of course this gets 5 out of 5 freaking golden, shinning, up-in-the-sky stars! Cheers!

[brightbeautifulthings]

Week 1 | Week 2-3 | Week 4-5 | Week 6-7 | Week 8-9 | Week 10-11 | Week 12-13 | Week 14-15 | Week 16-17 | Week 18-19

Week 20 (p. 651-808)

"Hal himself hasn't had a bona fide intensity-of-interior-life-type emotion since he was tiny; he finds terms like joie and value to be like so many variables in rarified equations, and he can manipulate them well enough to satisfy everyone but himself that he's in there, inside his own hull, as a human being -- but in fact he's far more robotic than John Wayne" (p. 694).

I'm pretty much over this week-to-week business. Now that the end is in sight (roughly 300 pages), I'm abandoning the schedule and reading as much as I can. Scheduling reading has only ever worked for me as far as it goes. I prefer to immerse myself, however much a novel like IJ seems to discourage that. The book is always structurally interesting, but it starts to get more complicated now as various characters and plots begin to almost slide into one another. There's a cool series of scenes where Matty Pemulis observes Poor Tony, Kate Gompert, and Ruth van Cleve pass by, with Lenz running around the fringes, where pretty soon all the paths intersect at some point, with or without the characters (or the reader) noticing. There's a lot in here about J.O.I.'s films, which seem increasingly unnecessary (but so much of the book is, and is meant to be). The section on the Incandenza family from Joelle's perspective provides some of the clearest insight we have of them, and they are indeed one of the saddest families in literature. We also get Joelle's history from Molly Notkin, both interestingly told from outside perspectives, as if main characters can't be trusted to see their own families clearly.

Week 21 (p. 809-981)

I forgot how totally frustrating it is to near the end of this book and realize the plot isn't going to wrap up in any sort of satisfying way. Wallace commented in an interview (I forget which) that he didn't need to talk about what happens at the end of the book because we know what happens. Buddy, YOU know what happens. The rest of us are here flailing about trying to fit a thousand pieces together, as I suppose we're meant to. We know that the A.F.R. is planning to infiltrate Enfield by the end of the novel, that Poutrincourt is one of their spies ("...which is the slip that indicates that Poutrincourt's figured out that Steeply is neither a civilian soft-profiler nor even a female ... and would require an almost professionally hypervigilant and suspicious person to notice the significance of" p. 1052)., and that John Wayne has some vague connection besides simply being Canadian. We know that, given Orin's capture at the end, they will probably have a Master copy of the Entertainment very soon. What we don't know is how that all goes down, what the fallout is for O.N.A.N., or how Hal gets to be in the state he is in the first chapter (DMZ? AFR? I still can't decide).

"...but it couldn't ordinarily affect anybody or anything solid, and it could never speak right to anybody, a wraith had no out-loud voice of its own, and had to use somebody's like internal brain-voice if it wanted to try to communicate with something, which was why thoughts and insights that were coming from some wraith always just sound like your own thoughts, from inside your own head, if a wraith's trying to interface with you" (p. 831).

This seems like the most compelling motive for J.O.I. to want to dose Hal with DMZ, if in fact he did. Wraiths can only talk to someone who has slowed way down and is no longer experiencing time the way humans normally do--which sounds exactly like what happens when someone ingests DMZ. By the end of the novel (the beginning chapter), we know that Hal can no longer communicate with the outside world, but that there's nothing wrong with his brain voice ("I am in here" p. 3). Will Hal and Jim finally get to have a conversation?

It's clearer than ever that something has happened to Hal though. I don't know if there's any support for the DMZ toothbrush theory--I was actively looking for it and didn't find any, other than the DMZ obviously being missing when Pemulis goes to get it and Hal and other E.T.A. kids vigilantly guarding their toothbrushes. If it's true, it's a leap, but making a leap may be the only way to make sense of that particular conundrum. Whatever has happened is getting worse, as people continually interpret Hal's facial expressions as either very sad or very amused, when we know he's neither. Most tellingly, the narrative switches to first person point of view, Hal telling his own story for the first time (chronologically, if not structurally).

"He dreams he's with a very sad kid and they're in a graveyard digging some dead guy's head up and it's really important, like Continental-Emergency important ... and the sad kid is trying to scream at Gately that the important thing was buried in the guy's head and to divert the Continental Emergency to start digging the guy's head up before it's too late, but the kid moves his mouth and nothing comes out ... while the sad kid holds something terrible up by the hair and makes the face of somebody shouting in panic: Too Late" (p. 934).

It seems like Gately eventually recovers, since we know he goes with Hal to help dig up J.O.I.'s head (verified in chapter one when Hal recalls it). It's possible the Wraith told him about the Entertainment, and this seems especially plausible when Gately somehow knows the plot of the Entertainment while he's still lying in the hospital. It's also possible that Joelle told him about it; through her conversation with Steeply (p. 940), we know that she knew the Masters were buried with Himself--which, ironically, is now buried in the Great Concavity. I'm still not clear about how John Wayne got involved, but there's this super oblique comment in an endnote about Bernard Wayne, a potential A.F.R. member who had not jumped when the train arrived and later drowned (p. 1060), which could potentially be John's father or grandfather.

I had forgotten that the 'Swiss' hand model was actually Luria P----. There are two obvious nods to other novels near the end here, with Fackelmann's A Clockwork Orange style end, and Orin's business with the cockroaches echoing the rats in 1984, specifically his nonsensical shouting "'Do it to her!'" (p. 972). Her who? Luria? Avril? All Subjects in general? I'm a little curious as to why Wallace bothered to make the references. He was doing well on the graphic horror all on his own, no need for outside references.

I'm amused by how many of my questions in my Q and A section are still unanswered. I thought if I paid closer attention on a second read that I would pick up more of the plot things I'd missed on my first, but I don't think that was the problem. I think it's that those answers simply aren't to be found in the actual text. Of course, they can point us toward various conclusions, and the novel certainly encourages us to speculate and make connections, but I don't think the actual answers are there. I have some more thoughts on this, and I'll likely have a review up this week or next.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS. TURN BACK BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.

Questions & Working Theories

[tw: drug mention, infidelity, incest, statutory rape]

Q: What happened to Hal? (Obvi) - Hal purposely ate the DMZ. He even says in this section, “I cannot make myself understood, now. Call it something I ate” (p. 10). I never bought this explanation, though, because later in the book it seems like Hal is making an effort to come off drugs. - The mold Hal ate as a child had long-term effects, and something (coming off drugs?) may have triggered his current condition. Also supported by, “Call it something I ate” (p. 10). - Aaron Swartz has a very convincing theory that Hal accidentally ate the DMZ when The Wraith placed it on his toothbrush. (Again, supported by above.) Hal is an excellent communicator but lacks feelings, and J.O.I. was attempting to create something that would draw his son out of himself. - Hal was injured when the A.F.R. attacked Enfield Tennis Academy. There’s a weird line in this chapter: “I once saw the word KNIFE finger-written on the steamed mirror of a nonpublic bathroom” (p. 16). This is likely also the work of The Wraith, indicating some kind of violence, perhaps the A.F.R. attack on Enfield. - "A surreal memory of a steamed lavatory mirror with a knife sticking out of the pane" (p. 951). A: Still unclear, but I'm leaning more toward DMZ than A.F.R. on this read. We can see Hal's symptoms growing worse from the Eschaton game onward, and in the last chapters, people think he's either laughing or grimacing when he's not feeling either of those things. Still super interested in the mirror/knife asides though. Is this part of the A.F.R. attack?

Q: Why was Hal hospitalized “almost exactly one year back” (p. 16)? - The side effects of the DMZ were first starting to appear. - Hal was injured in the A.F.R. attack. - It’s clear, also, that this was when Hal met Gately. Although they never have an on-page scene together, Hal refers to the two of them attempting to dig up J.O.I.’s head to find the Entertainment, alongside a masked John Wayne. A: Unclear. See above.

Q: How did Gately, Hal, and John find out about the Entertainment in order to dig it up? How did they discover where it was hidden? - Himself actually mentions that the cartridge has been implanted in his head when he’s talking to Hal as a posed conversationalist. However, this is all the way back in the Year of the Tucks Medicated Pad, when Hal is only ten-going-on-eleven. Hard to imagine that Hal remembered what was basically a throw-away comment, let alone understood its meaning. - The Wraith may have told Gately about it while he was lying in the hospital, the same way Gately somehow knows the plot of the Entertainment while he's there. - Joelle may have told them about it, since from her conversation with Steeply, we know that she knows that all the Masters were buried with Jim, which is now buried in the Great Concavity. A: Unclear, but several plausible scenarios.

Q: Who is mailing out the Entertainment? - Swartz suggests that it’s Orin Incandenza, who later under threat of torture releases it to the A.F.R. This seems well-supported by the text, since the initial cartridge is mailed from Arizona, and it’s conveniently sent to a medical attaché with whom Avril probably had an affair (per J.O.I.’s conversation with Hal). - Some support for this theory during one of Hal and Orin's phone conversations: "'What are you doing going to the post office? You hate snail-mail. And you quit mailing the Moms the pseudo-form-replies two years ago, Mario says'" (p. 244). Why is Orin at the post office, if not to mail more copies of the Entertainment? - However, as Marie pointed out, we don't know for sure that Orin was in Arizona in April YDAU. He's there in October, but there's a flashback of him in New Orleans in July that doesn't mention the year. If it was YDAU, Orin couldn't have postmarked the Cartridge from Arizona in April. - Orin also asks Hal directly about the days leading up to Himself's death, and he seems suspiciously interested in whatever film he was working on. "'Did he have film-related things with him when he flew somewhere? A film case? Equipment?'" (p. 250). However, if he already knew about the Entertainment back in April, why ask Hal about it in November? - This conversation is continued in a lengthy endnote where Orin asks about the definition of samizdat ("the generic meaning now is any sort of politically underground or beyond-the-pale press or the stuff published thereby" (p. 1011) and comments, "'So you'd have no idea why The Mad Stork's name would come up in connection with somebody saying samizdat?'" (p. 1011). Again, it's suspicious that he's even asking, but also, if he already knows about the Entertainment, why bother to ask? Is he trying to find out, or just trying to find out what Hal knows about it? Why? - "...place the likely dissemination-point someplace along the U.S. north border, with routing hubs in metro Boston/New Bedford and/or somewhere in the desert Southwest" (p. 549). Obviously, the Southwest could be Orin, but who's distributing it in Boston? Orin before he moved? I'd guess the Antitoi brothers, but their copy turned out to be blank (or seemed to be, if it was played on the wrong model). Orin has motive to want the medical attache dead for the affair with his mother, but why the film scholar, the avant-garde film festival, and the members of the Academy of D.A.S.? Were these Himself's rivals, or people Avril also had affairs with? - "Swiss cuckolds, furtive near-Eastern medical attachés, zaftig print-journalists: he felt ready for anything" (p. 597). - "There was reason to think M. DuPlessis had received his original copies from this relative, an athlete. Marathe felt U.S.B.S.S. felt this person may have borne responsibility for the razzles and dazzles of Berkeley and Boston, U.S.A." (p. 723). Did Orin give a copy to DuPlessis, or did he send it to him to kill him? A: It seems pretty clear on a re-read that it is Orin sending out the Entertainment, either from Boston before he left it or from Arizona where he currently lives, or both. I'm still not clear how he knew about it in the first place though, in order to dig it up. Between Orin's capture/torture at the end and the Antitoi brothers' having copies of DuPlessis's stolen cartridges, it seems certain that the A.F.R. will soon locate a Master copy. (The Antitoi's turns out to be Read-Only p. 725.)

Q: How did Orin find out about the Entertainment? - Joelle might have told him, though this was after her disfigurement and their breakup, so I'm not sure why she would. A: Unclear.

Q: When did Orin transfer from New Orleans to Arizona? - In June YW-QMD, Orin was still with the New Orleans Saints, per the mail between him and Avril (p. 1006-7). - In October YDAU, he's in Arizona. Q: Unclear.

Q: What happened to John Wayne that he can’t win this year’s WhataBurger competition? A: SUPER UNCLEAR. Thanks for nothing. We know he survived the A.F.R. attack (if Steeply didn’t stop the attack) because he’s in the off-page graveyard scene with Hal and Gately. Was he an A.F.R. target after that for going against them?

Q: What “sordid liaison” (p. 30) with the M. DuPlessis, who dies in a later chapter, did the Incandenza family have? - Still not clear, but it sounds like J.O.I. either purposely or under duress gave a Master copy (or copyable copy) of the Entertainment to DuPlessis, or had it stolen from him before or after his death, and it was then stolen by accident when Gately robbed and killed DuPlessis. ("Whether or not the A.F.R. ever even recover this alleged Master copy from the DuPlessis burglary..." (p. 489).) A: Best guess is that Avril had an affair with DuPlessis, Orin/Jim discovered the affair (possibly with a name written on the fogged up glass of Avril's car), and Orin sent him a copy to kill him, which he didn't watch (because he died? Not clear on the timeline). The copy was then stolen by Gately and ended up with the Antitoi brothers.

Q: Is Marathe a double-agent, or is he just pretending to be a double agent? - Marathe has betrayed the A.F.R. and is aiding Steeply and the Americans in finding the Entertainment in order to get medical care for his wife. - Marathe is only pretending to betray the A.F.R. in order to get more information from Steeply. A: Marathe is a double-agent, and is actually betraying the A.F.R. "The A.F.R. believed Marathe functioned as a triple agent, pretending to betray his nation for his wife, memorizing every detail of the meetings with B.S.S. ... M. Fortier did not know Marathe had reached the internal choice that he loved his skull-deprived and heart-defective wife Gertraud Marathe more than he loved the Separatist and anti-O.N.A.N. cause of the nation of Québec..." (p. 529).

Q: Where did the tripod set up in the middle of nowhere on the ETA grounds come from? - The U.S.S. Millicent Kent set up the tripod as an excuse to get Mario alone. - This is the possibly the first instance of the Wraith's work. He's responsible for most of the odd occurrences at ETA, and "Mario said his late dad had used a somewhat less snazzy IV-model Husky back in his early days of making art-films..." (p. 122).) A: The Wraith put it there. "But it's true. The Husky VI tripod of Mario's near-fatal encounter with the U.S.S. Millicent Kent was only the beginning" (p. 632). After this, the instances of objects being in odd places around E.T.A. increases dramatically.

Q: Who is the narrator in some of these sections about ETA? - It's a distinct voice from the sections that have conversations, but it also sounds a little like someone talking to us. ("I want to be like that. Able to just sit all quiet and pull life toward me..." (p. 128). Is this a character? A: Unclear. The only clear first person POV character we have in the novel is Hal. In some ways, the narrator's voice does sound a lot like Hal's, but if this is the case, he also discusses himself in third person a lot (which... Hal is pretty removed from himself, so that's not entirely impossible). I'm not confident enough to say that Hal is the mystery narrator throughout the book though.

Q: Are the effects of DMZ the effects we see in Hal in the first chapter? A: Very likely. Whatever starts in the Eschaton game grows worse toward the end of the novel, as people continually interpret Hal's facial expressions as either very sad or very amused, when we know he's neither. Most tellingly, the narrative switches to first person point of view, Hal telling his own story for the first time (chronologically, if not structurally).

Q: Why do Hal's symptoms in the Eschaton game seem more like DMZ side effects than marijuana side effects? Was there DMZ mixed with it? Was it purposely mixed in, or was it the work of the Wraith? - This is the first time we see Hal with similar symptoms as the ones he has in the first chapter, which seems to suggest that--whether or not the DMZ and marijuana are related, whether it was intentional or not--Hal did take the DMZ on Interdependence Day YDAU. - Pemulis goes looking for the DMZ later on, which seems to suggest it wasn't intentional, at least not on his end. Hal also doesn't consciously acknowledge that he's going to take it in this chapter either. - Mario reflecting on his brother: "He can't tell if Hal is sad. He is having a harder and harder time reading Hal's state of mind or whether he's in good spirits. This worries him. He used to be able to sort of preverbally know in his stomach generally where Hal was and what he was doing, even if Hal was far away and playing or if Mario was away, and now he can't anymore" (p. 590). Why the change? DMZ-related? - "But the crisis of faith that cost Stice the match had concerned a different Hal, Hal can tell. It's now a whole new Hal, a Hal who does not get high, or hide, a Hal who in 29 days is going to hand his own personal urine over to authority figures with a wide smile and exemplary posture and not a secretive thought in his head" (p. 635). If Hal took the DMZ on purpose, does he know it will be out of his system in a month? What else could have created a "whole new Hal"? It seems like a leap to think that quitting marijuana is the sole cause of all the changes. A: Very likely that Hal took DMZ, maybe more than once, starting at the Eschaton game.

Q: Who is Mario's father, Jim or Charles? - This is more of a detail question than anything because I'm not sure I care about the answer. It certainly doesn't seem to matter to Mario. He obviously bonded a lot with Jim over film in a way that seems almost worshipful at times, and I'm always in the camp of family is who you choose, not necessarily who you're related to. Also, Charles seems repelled by Mario, whereas Jim apparently loved him and spent time with him, so fuck Charles. A: Unclear.

Q: Is Charles Avril's half-brother or step-brother? - Again, this is a detail question, although one is significantly grosser than the other if they're having an affair, which it sounds like they are/were. ("...the thing it's not entirely impossible he may have fathered asleep up next to the sound system..." (p. 451).) That’s... not really a question if they weren’t sleeping together. Fuck you twice, Charles. - "Charles Tavis is probably not related to the Moms by actual blood" (p. 900). A: According to Hal, he's most likely her step-brother, though it doesn't seem like anyone ever cared enough to verify this.

Q: Was Pemulis selling DMZ to the Antitoi brothers, or buying it from them? - "Bertraund had been starry-eyed enough to agree to barter the person an antique blue lava-lamp and a lavender-tinged apothecary's mirror for eighteen unexceptional-looking and old lozenges the long-haired old person had claimed in a jumble of West-Swiss-accented French were 650 mg. of a trop-formidable harmful pharmaceutical no longer available and guaranteed to make one's most hair-raising psychedelic experience look like a day on the massage-tables of a Basel hot-springs resort..." (p. 482) A: Unclear, but I'm guessing buying, since Pemulis ends up with it and, as far as we know, the Antitoi brothers don't.

Q: What's the significance of Lucien Antitoi's spirit immediately after his death? Does this have an impact on the Wraith's activities? - "...and is free, catapulted home over fans and the Convexity's glass palisades at desperate speeds, soaring north, sounding a bell-clear and nearly maternal alarmed call-to-arms in all the world's well-known tongues" (p. 489). A: It seems like the Wraith's activities amplify after Lucien's death. If he knows that Hal is in danger from the A.F.R., he might be trying to rally Gately to help.

Q: If Pemulis has Avril's affair with John Wayne to hold over her, why is he still expelled at the end of the novel? A: WOOPS. Peemster accidentally dosed John with 'drines, as well as his very public tennis opponent. Can't help feeling Pemulis unfairly got the worst of it, while Avril got in zero trouble for having an affair with a teenage student. Also, hilariously, Hal already knew about the affair and didn't care about it.

Q: What's up with John Wayne and Hal? - "...John ('N.R.') Wayne opened up the ajar door a little more and put his whole head in and stayed like that, with just his head in. He didn't say anything and Hal didn't say anything, and they stayed like that for a while, and then Wayne's head smoothly withdrew" (p. 560). - "I could somehow tell for sure that John Wayne's head was inside the open door. I could feel it clearly, almost painfully. He was looking down at me lying there on the Lindisfarne carpet. There was none of the gathering tension of a person deciding whether or not to speak. I could feel my throat's equipment move when I swallowed. John Wayne and I never had much to say to one another. There wasn't even hostility between us" (p. 956). A: No idea. There’s the possibility that John is a spy for the A.F.R. the same as Poutrincourt, but I’d thought they had to infiltrate the tennis academy because they didn’t have another spy already in place. Thanks to the weird endnote, we know he has some connection, but I’m not totally sure what it is.

Q: Do Pemulis's descriptions of the effects of annulation have anything to do with how DMZ affects people, or the effect the mold Hal ate as a child had on him? It seems oddly similar to how Hal is experiencing time in the first chapter. Is this how J.O.I. stumbled onto it? - "'Accelerated phenomena, which is actually equivalent to an incredible slowing down of time", "relativity of time in extreme organic environments" (p. 573). A: Could be one of a million metaphors in this book.

[canaryatlaw]

alright, let’s get writing. today was fine, nothing terribly exciting but not bad. I was super lazy again sleeping in because I didn’t have any work to do today anyway, so I might as well lol. So I got up at like, 3:30 or something ridiculous like that (believe me, I know how ridiculous that is). So I got up and had some food while going on my computer for a bit, then after that I spent a while digging through all the crap under my bed trying to find the straightener I bought at some point for some reason I forget but never actually used it because I had these iron on patches I had to sew onto my jeans and I didn’t have an actual iron, so that would have to work. I found it without too much work, then grabbed the two pairs of pants and the patches and went to the living room and got to work on those. it went pretty well, I think they’re attached pretty well, we’ll see if they come off at all when they go through the wash. After that I ran downstairs and outside to rescue the packages from the front porch of the building, where I can’t actually access them. There was a stack of three, two of which were mine and one was the neighbor who lives below me, and then there was the rather large box containing the blender I had ordered, so I ended up doing two trips from the porch to the side door and then again up the stairs. So after that I spent a little bit setting the blender up, it didn’t take too long thankfully. After that I took my laptop to the couch and turned the tv on. The first thing I wanted to watch was the new season premiere episode of the show Krypton. I don’t get the SyFy channel it’s on so I have to watch it on amazon prime afterwards (I checked if it was on hulu first, but sadly it wasn’t). I watched it through the first season but was never like totally hooked on it, It was kinda mediocre at best, but I figured I’d at least see what the premiere was like. It’s a good thing they did the recap because I totally forgot the actual ending of the first season and that they actually defeated Brainiac, lol. The progress they’ve made since then was interesting, the episode overall was alright, still not totally enthralled but I guess I’ll keep watching for now. From there I watched episode 8 of season 3 of Designated Survivor, which made me very mad when they confirmed they did in fact kill off Hannah Wells, because they’ve now killed off their two most badass female characters, and while I appreciate Italia Ricci’s character Emily she just didn’t have the same quality that Hannah and Alex did. so that bugged me but the rest of the episode was pretty good. From there I paused for a bit because I wanted to dye my hair tonight since I picked up a dye kit last week, so I got to work doing that and then started the next episode while I was waiting for that to process, and then returned again after washing it out. The last couple episodes were very good (there were 10 in the season) and I’m sad that I’m finished with it now. I definitely was not expecting Aaron Ashmore to end up being the bad guy, especially because he’d barely had any screen time up to this point lol, he was just the guy on the tv in the background, but it was a quality and unexpected plot twist for sure. The way things wrapped up were also definitely not what I was expecting, but they were very well done for sure and of course I was happy it ended with Kirkman getting re-elected (which, I mean, we all knew would be the eventual ending, but it was still very satisfying to see). The final plot twist regarding the recording of Moss that could potentially exonerate him was so well-written, and seeing Kirkman struggle with that decision and whether he’d done the right thing, or something he can live with, played perfectly using the therapist as the foil for him. When they’re at the party for him winning and he walks out with Penny I was like 😭😭😭right in the feels, and then when he had Sasha come on stage too it was just perfect. Netflix BETTER give them a season 4, and assuming that that does happen, it’ll be interesting to see the fallout from the FBI arresting his campaign chief for illegally spying on the other camp (presumably, anyway) and how that affects his second term, and where his relationship stands with Emily. I really, really hope they don’t use this as an excuse to write her off the show because I enjoy her character very much, and we’ve already lost so many quality female characters I don’t want to lose another one. Italia Ricci did an amazing job this season balancing her work with the super emotional plot with her mom which was honestly just gut-wrenching to watch, she had such an authentic and raw portrayal of someone going through losing a parent and I really hope she gets recognition for it. Once I had finished the series I flipped over to cable and watched a little Jimmy Kimmel before starting to get ready for bed, and now I am here. It’s just past 1:30 am (1:31 am currently) so it’s definitely time for me to go to bed, which I will be doing now. Goodnight dears. Hope you had a decent Monday. 

[avalonsilver]

Supernatural questions

SPN Questions Game!

I was tagged by @lovedsammy

Thank you! I appreciate it. Sorry this took so long. It was fun answering the questions though. :-)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural? The night the show first premiered on Sept. 13, 2005 (according to Google). I knew Jensen and Jared from other shows (more recently at that time, Jensen's recurring role on Smallville and then Jared on Gilmore Girls) and was curious. Sci-fi/fantasy is a fav genre for me, so Supernatural seemed right up my alley (the horror/gory aspects sometimes was a little much for me, but the character dynamics keep me watching). I watched the show regularly for the first five seasons. What got me to fall in love with the show was a small scene in the first episode.  (rest under the cut)

That was when Dean answers Sam's belief about Dean doing this alone [find their Dad] with a "Yeah, well, I don't want to." The way this line was delivered by Jensen... it just showed a vulnerability in Dean. It showed what sort of character Dean was -- that he needed, wanted his brother by his side. That moment left me wanting to learn more about Sam and Dean, and I cared about their journey in each episode. After the Season 5 finale, I stopped watching the show regularly. I watched the first few eps of Season 6 I believe, but they failed to hold my interest. Not enough Cas I guess (I loved him in Seasons 4 and 5 and his character development in those two seasons). I randomly watched a few Season 7 episodes when they aired (the one with Charisma Carpenter & James Marsters (7x05) and the Eliot Ness episode (7x12)). I was wondering where Cas was at as I didn't really know then what had happened to him. Finally, about five years later, when Season 13 was airing, I fell back into watching the show. I saw War of the Worlds 13x07 live without much of an idea of what had gone on in the show in the last few years. So I had no idea that Sam and Dean now called this bunker their home. It was certainly an experience watching that episode being pretty confused about things. The mid-season finale/"The Bad Place" really peaked my interest that I should catch up with this show again. Jack got me curious. I ended up watching the Season 13 finale live. 

Over the summer, I binge-watched the seasons I missed post-Season 5. I watched the episodes I missed in Season 13 first. Then I went through Seasons 6, 9, 10 and 11 (still working on Season 12- finished through 12x08). With Seasons 7 & 8, I mainly watched the episodes where Cas appeared (with S7, that made the season go fast for me since he was only in five episodes... I did see 7x03 though because of Colin Ford. He is my favorite version of "young Sam"... and catching up with the show, it was a nice surprise that he returned in Season 7). I am planning to see those S7 & 8 episodes I skipped over-- feel kind of bad for not watching those seasons completely.

2. Who is your favorite in TFW? Castiel -- I looked forward to his scenes back in Seasons 4 and 5. His journey since then has been interesting to watch. While his development in Season 6 was hard to see unfold, I see it as the unfortunate fallout from averting the apocalypse. It was a win that TFW stopped the apocalypse particularly through Sam's sacrifice. But sadly, Cas's desire to prevent Apocalypse Take 2 from happening caused him to go to dark places -- leaving TFW fractured. I think his experience as a human was one of the best things that happened to him-- it really helped him be more compassionate and understanding-- or just really bring out what Cas already had inside him. I still prefer him to be an angel though (I have a weakness for "superpowers"...like the glowy eyes/healing...). But I appreciate that Cas did experience being human and learned something valuable from that.

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW? Dean, although it's hard to choose a least favorite. Each one has their good and bad traits. Dean's harsh treatment of Jack in Season 13 is not something I can brush aside completely. So that's why Dean comes to mind. Dean has gotten better with Jack, true, but his early S13 handling of Jack while Sam pleaded with Dean to give Jack a chance is still hard to forget.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs. (I think most everyone has done these questions, so below are just the Supernatural blogs I like checking out) Let’s see… I tag: @hallowedbecastiel, @lovedsammy @flightoftheseraph​, @soluscheese, @castielisourhero, @sastiel-daily, @canonspngifs

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)? Bobby Singer, although I guess he can be considered an honorary member of TFW. I have not seen the episode where he dies (7x10), but I plan to and I know it'll leave me teary-eyed I'm sure. But seeing the episodes where he returns in some capacity (10x17 "Inside Man" -- so much love for that episode, and 11x16 "Safe House") got me really emotional. That letter to Sam in 10x17, and Dean figuring he and Bobby were there at the same time in that house thanks to some time-wimey explanation... it just made me wish Bobby was still alive. He was really like a father to Sam and Dean and it'll certainly be hard to watch those early seasons with Bobby -- knowing now that he's gone. At least he's in Heaven. I want to add Jack too-- even if he is a part of TFW, but technically it's TFW 2.0 for him, so he does sort of count I guess (I'm reaching here, I know, but couldn't resist). Mostly because his character got me curious and led me to watching all of Season 13 and motivating me to finally catch up with the seasons I've missed of the show. Seeing all the crap that Sam had been through with Lucifer post-Season 5 made his willingness to help Jack, Lucifer's son, all the more compelling.

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural? As far as a female character who's currently still alive, Rowena is pretty awesome -- some of her outfits have been gorgeous. And there's the 13x19 scene on the phone where she flirts with Cas --"oh is the handsome angel there with you? Hello, Tweetie Pie." was amusing in how it left Cas a little flustered and off-footed in his response. Considering back at the end of Season 10, Rowena cursed him with that "attack dog" spell causing Cas some considerable misery... it's just so like the show for the pair of them to be sort of chill with one another now. Cas still doesn't quite know how to take flirtations-- it's endearing. Also, due to my summer rewatch, I really enjoyed Meg 2.0's character. I loved her dynamic with Cas and was sad when she died. I love that she saw Cas as "her unicorn." Rachel Miner did a great job with the character of Meg. I'll never forget that moment in 6x10 when Meg made out with Cas.

7. John or Mary? Mary (I haven't seen all of Season 12 and did hear her storyline had its issues, but from what I know about her, I prefer her to John). Watching the 300th episode caused me to warm up to John again. I'm glad Sam and Dean got some closure with him. I think I blame the background music sometimes used during the John moments... it got me all nostalgic and emotional. I enjoyed Mary in Season 13 and being protective of Jack -- to where she decided to stay with him even if it meant needing to leave the camp because AU! Bobby was suspicious of Jack's half-angel status. So I'll stick with Mary on this one.

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack? Sam: I thought he was a compelling character. He was like the "regular guy" character at the beginning helping to introduce the audience into the strange world of hunting the supernatural his family was a part of. I took a television course back in college, so this kind of stuff was discussed, bear with me. lol ... as the show went on, it was ironic that he was the one with psychic powers, the demon blood and was the "true vessel" for Lucifer. After playing catch up with the show post-Season 5, I feel so bad for the crap Sam has gone through particularly with Lucifer. It has been a long time for me, so I can't exactly remember my first impression of Sam. After seeing Jared on Gilmore Girls, I think I just automatically decided to find any character he played likable since I generally liked his character on Gilmore Girls. It was sad how badly Sam wanted to live a normal/safe life with Jess in the pilot but that wasn't in the cards for him.

Dean: I found his "devil may care" attitude kind of cool, but as brought up earlier, I liked that he cares about family. That he came to get Sam because he needed him by his side to search for their Dad. Even despite the big fight that was close to John disowning Sam, Dean wanted to make the effort to mend bridges. Dean took the chance that Sam would still care about their Dad's well-being despite the big fight. Or maybe Dean knew that deep down, Sam would agree to help -- as after all, Dean practically raised him so he obviously knew Sam pretty well (even if he didn't quite understand Sam's strong desire to head to university and try for an "normal apple pie life.")

Cas: He was a big part why I was excited for Seasons 4 and 5 when they were airing. Although in retrospect, he didn't really have a lot of scenes in S4 &5. I just ended up being grateful for what we did get back then. I liked how though seemed alien in his first appearance and interaction with Dean, there were hints that Cas did care and wasn't a cold, unfeeling angel. Like I couldn't quite hate him completely for burning out Pamela's eyes even though I wanted to initially. Cas just seemed a little regretful about that, so I could see sparks of opportunity for character growth. I need to rewatch the scene again, but I vaguely recall Cas looked sad/regretful about Pamela's fate. And when he told Dean, "You don't think you deserve to be saved,"-- the way the line was delivered got me even more curious about Cas. Then his end of episode appearance in 4x02 freaked me out a bit because he was intense there. But honestly, during most of that 4x02 scene, I was bothered by his lips being dry/cracked... why I still remember this after all these years, IDEK. Still wish someone had given him some chapstick or something then. lol 

Jack: The first episode I saw him in was the mid-season 13 finale. I was interested in Jack and learning more about him... I'm sure it would have been better if I'd seen those earlier Season 13 episodes to understand Jack better. I really enjoyed how everything went down in 13x09 and how climactic it ended up being. The last shot of Jack in "Apocalypse World" with him looking up at Mary in a cage was a well-done shot. After seeing 13x01, I liked Jack's curiosity about the world and his love of nougat. He seemed like a sweet and caring person and eager to please.

9. What’s your favorite season? Season 1. It was when I first started watching and was just a pretty solid season overall. The cliffhanger was evil, but hell, that really got me on the board to continue with this show. Plus, the memorable lines --"driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole", "hope your apple pie was freakin' worth it!" and I loved the moment of Dean bringing peanut M&Ms as one of his provisions in 1x02 "Wendigo" (and they did prove useful in the end in tracking him down). It's tempting to say a season with Cas too because I like his character. With Cas, probably Season 10 since I enjoyed his interactions with Claire. Also, I love 10x17 so much (just made me miss Bobby and that end montage is an automatic rewatch for me). Although Season 4 was good too with Castiel's introduction. I like how his character developed to the point where he was prepared to fight off archangels to stop the apocalypse. Even if this defied the other angels wanting the apocalypse to come to fruition. Honorary mention to Season 13 mostly for the journey of Sam and Jack's father-son bond. I always love seeing tributes to that bond and the support Jack received from Sam.

10. What’s your least favorite season? Season 7, but then again I haven't seen the entire season yet. From what I saw of the Leviathans, I didn't like them as villains. But Leviathan!Cas was pretty awesome-- he definitely freaked me out for the brief time the Leviathan took him over. Just a shame that the Leviathan after that were just kind of meh... For a season I saw entirely, I'd have to say Season 6. Though Castiel had some great moments in this season (6x20 of course being a highlight), it hurt to see Cas turn against Sam and Dean. Yes, Cas was doing all that to stop Apocalypse 2.0, but I hated that he resorted to breaking Sam's wall (leaving Sam a mess into Season 7). Also, the first half of the season with soulless!Sam was weird to watch... since Sam wasn't himself and knowing that was sad. I enjoyed the episode 6x11 where Dean made a deal with Death to get Sam's soul out of the cage. So yeah, I liked some parts of Season 6, but overall, it's not easy to rewatch knowing this is the unfortunate fallout of averting the apocalypse in Season 5. Back in the day-- for just Seasons 1 through 5, I'd say Season 3...the season had its moments, but it just ranked lowest for me in terms of the first five seasons. Although S3 gets points for one cliffhanger of an ending.

11. Opinions on Destiel? I used to be big on Destiel, or just Dean and Cas's friendship/strong bond in Seasons 4 and 5. Maybe my enthusiasm for them just faded away over time... after catching up with the show recently, my perspective has changed. I can't completely get over Dean's treatment of Cas at the end of Season 7 after he'd taken on Sam's hell trauma leaving him broken and not mentally stable. Dean yelling at Cas more than once was frustrating to see during this time. I just can't get into Dean x Cas as much as before... though Cas sticking around and still being Dean's friend, helping him and Sam out, does speak a lot to Cas's ability to forgive... not to stay angry with Dean after some of the things Dean has said to him and put him through (such as kicking him out of the bunker in 9x03 without any offer of assistance so Cas wouldn't continue to be homeless... I can understand why a lot of people didn't like 9x03).

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits? No. t's nice that Dean can have a solid, meaningful friendship with someone who isn't Sam... so it's good that he has Castiel. But the moments where it seems like it's leading to something more than friendship for Destiel... I think it just shows the strength of their friendship.

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14? Seasons 8-14 -- mostly because I liked Cas's character development in the later seasons. That he's more compassionate, maybe more human -- his short time as a human influencing him in a good way for the most part. Even if his angelic powers were diminished in the later seasons. 

I miss his teleporting (I had grown used to the "rustle of wings" sound effect in Seasons 4 and 5), and to learn he'd lost that ability for a few years already by the time of Season 13 -- that was sad to know. Despite that loss, I like that Cas has become more expressive -- like in the 14x12 scene where he's discussing "Rowena's remarkable command of profanity" on the phone to Sam -- The line delivery and his facial expression was on point there.

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)? Crowley. He had some great moments on the show, and it was great to see his journey on the show. From full-on antagonist to sort of being on Team Winchester. I don't like that he killed Meg 2.0 (I miss her :(), but he was a compelling character and it's sad that he's not on the show anymore.

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line? Yes!

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas) Sam. They all have gone through their share of trauma, so it's not easy to just choose one. But Sam has been tortured by Lucifer himself, and still suffers PTSD from that every time he has to deal with Lucifer.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode? 1x12 - "Faith"  -- I have a fondness for some Season 1 episodes. Asylum was another fav for me along with Home and Something Wicked. At the time that “Faith” aired, I was big on hurt!Dean, and this episode delivered. I loved how determined Sam was to save his brother. This was still back when some great classic rock songs were used. The "Don't Fear the Reaper" song playing while Sam and Dean carried out their plan to stop the reaper was pretty epic. And looking back, boy, do I miss those days when iconic songs like that were used on the show. 18. Do you like case episodes? Yes -- I like seeing how the mystery unravels, and finding out who the culprit is in the end.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW? Sam. Mostly due to his love/appreciation of research. I like to research too and learn new things. Also, he's the younger sibling, which is the same for me. I can relate to his frustration with his dad -- though it was for different reasons, I've felt similarly-- just different personalities and perspectives clashing, I would say.

20. Why do you like Supernatural? I like Supernatural because of the brotherly bond between Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean was what first drew me to the show and I still enjoy seeing the twists and turns they go through -- and I appreciate the moments that strengthen their bond and get emotional and heartbroken when they're divided. At the end of the day, I feel Sam and Dean are the heart and the soul of the show -- my hope for the end of the series is that the brothers' bond is as strong as ever. I would be so sad if they end the show with Sam and Dean at odds with each other-- I have faith the writers wouldn't do this -- it would be hard to watch (like back in 4x21 where they fight each other and go their separate ways... it was painfully heartbreaking to see).   Also, I love Team Free Will -- it's nice that Sam and Dean have Cas now as a long-time friend and confidante. I like Jack and the more recent Team Free Will 2.0 that formed to include him. Though the original Team Free Will is more iconic, I guess, for me since it formed as the apocalypse approached in Season 5. And the name really had a meaning: that Sam, Dean and Cas weren't going to fold and follow what the higher up angels wanted... that their free will mattered more than following their long foretold destinies.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be? I'm torn between bringing Bobby back or Meg 2.0. I'd kill off Lucifer (if he is really woken up in the Empty -- he needs to be put down again. :\). I'd like Kevin Tran to come back. I would be okay with killing off AU! Bobby if we can get the old Bobby back. And Meg 2.0 being brought back would be great-- I miss her interactions with Cas.

[pinknerdpanda]

Heaven Sent - Part 4

Word Count: 2,002

Characters: Y/n, Castiel, Dean, Sam, Chuck, Arabella (OFC)

Warnings: Snark, Heaven-Induced Insanity, Language, Angst if you squint, Canon-Divergence

A/N: This is Part 4 of a mini-series I wrote for @ellen-reincarnated1967’s “Andi’s Back in the Game” challenge. Beta’d by @hannahindie and @wheresthekillswitch who also helped me to brainstorm and nail down exactly where I wanted to go. Thank you both so very much!

A/N 2: This takes place roughly midway through Season 4 and veers from canon. I actually used some lines of dialogue from the show for this, and have them bolded. All credit goes to the writers of the show.

A/N 3: I am posting this a day earlier than planned to celebrate hitting 800 followers! Thank you all so very much!

Tags are at the bottom - please send me an ASK if you would like to be added (or removed).

Need to Catch up? - Series Masterlist

Heaven Sent

I must be one. It is my job. I must perform the duties I was created for and assigned to accomplish - not out of obligation, but because that is who I am. I can save a dozen kids from unnecessary ER visits or even 100 young girls from being attacked, but if Lucifer rises and destroys the earth, none of it matters. As much as I hate to admit it, Dean was right. But mark my words, I would rather die than let him hear me admit that. Those two idiots are the key to stopping the apocalypse and I have no idea where they are, but I have an idea of who might.

-------

Part 4

Y/N

The names of the prophets of God - past, present and future - are ingrained in the minds of every angel.  Luckily the name ‘Chuck Shurley’ isn’t terribly common and I found his address quickly. The journey wasn’t long by bus and the next day I found myself hesitantly approaching a dark house with overgrown bushes and patches of dry, dead grass for a yard. What if this wasn’t the right Chuck Shurley and frankly, how would I find out? “Hello Mr. Shurley, my name is y/n, former angel. Do you have a minute to talk about our Lord and the plans he has for you?”

Just as I decide it’s worth the shot and raise my hand to knock, I hear two familiar voices and one I don’t recognize. Bingo.

“Look, Chuck do you know where Sam is or not?” Dean’s tone is urgent.

“Yes. This is all wrong. This...” the unfamiliar voice is high and scared sounding. Castiel’s commanding tone cuts him off. I barge in, unannounced and unwelcome.

“Found it,” Cas is holding up a sheaf of papers and Dean snatches them from his hand and starts rifling through them. He freezes mid-shuffle and stares at me.

“Y/n?” Cas squints at me before glancing back at the shorter, bearded man who shrugs.

“Castiel? Dean? What’s happening?” The atmosphere is tense and I feel like my presence is an unwelcome intrusion.

“Thought you didn’t care?” Dean glares at me before continuing to search through the papers in his hands.

“Turns out I was wrong? Where’s your brother?”

“That’s the million dollar question,” Dean mumbles without looking up.

“Uh, excuse me? Who is she?” the man I assume to be Chuck cranes over Castiel’s shoulder.

“Hi. Y/n. Former angel. Looking for these two. Nice to meet you, Chuck,” I turn back to Dean.

“Sam thinks he can stop the final seal from breaking by killing Lilith. Turns out, that is the final seal,” Dean fumbles with the last page. “St. Mary's? What is that, a convent?”

“Yeah, but you guys aren't supposed to be there. And you,” Chuck points at me. “You're not in this story.”

“Yeah, well...We're making it up as we go,” Castiel glances at me before turning back to Chuck.

“What? Castiel, you mean you’re not blindly following the orders of your superiors?” I know it sounds like I’m mocking him, but truly I’m shocked. I’d heard of angels choosing free-will over destiny, but I would never have dreamed Castiel possible of such a choice. Just as he opens his mouth to retort, the earth under our feet begins shaking. Hot, white light - immense and powerful - begins seeping into the room from every direction.

“Aw, man! Not again! No!”  Chuck groans petulantly.

“It’s the Archangel. I'll hold him off!” Cas shouts over the groaning of the house as it sways.

“I can help you!” I shout back.

“No, they will just kill you. You help Dean. I'll hold them all off! Just stop Sam!” Castiel smacks his hands on Dean and I’s forehead.

The force of being unexpectedly transported from the quaking room to the eerily quiet convent is explosive and painful and my mind is swimming as my knees hit the hard, stone floor. I can hear Dean’s rapid footsteps grow farther away, but the pounding in my head makes it hard to focus on anything at the moment.

When I am finally able to get my bearings, I glance around. Dean is long gone and while I can hear the sound of shouting, the acoustics of the stone walls, ceilings and floors makes it hard to pinpoint the direction they are coming from.

The halls are like an annoyingly intricate labyrinth as I weave through abandoned hallways and rows of empty classrooms. I pause, straining to hear any sign that I am moving in the right direction, only to hear the sound of voices are further away than before. Dammit. Behind me, what I am guessing is a large, wooden door slams shut and a hysterical bellowing noise echos around me. I run as fast as I can in the direction from where I’d just begun.

“Dean?” My voice sounds shaky and hollow. “Sam?”

As I round the last corner, I feel the earth begin to quiver yet again. It feels as though every stone around me is being dislodged and using me for target practice. At the far end of the hall, I can see the darkened silhouettes of Sam and Dean, as a blazing white light rises up in front of them before consuming their forms altogether. The door slams shut with such intensity a large crack begins to creep upward from the top of the frame before spider-webbing into a thousand fragments.

The sound of rushing wind on the highest mountain on the coldest day of the year, is incomparable to the fury being unleashed on the other side of this door. The final seal has been broken. Lucifer is rising. I shove my shoulder hard against the wood, with no effect. Sam and Dean are locked inside and if I can’t get this door open soon, the magnitude of the power emanating from the center of that light at this moment will likely kill them. Or they survive and then Lucifer devours them both. Either way, bad times.

I direct my angelic senses to the outer boundaries of my body, looking for a way in. Grace explodes from my body with a flash of light as the door bursts open. I can feel myself fading as relief floods my body and I rush forward toward Sam and Dean. I slap a hand on the backs of their heads, thrusting the last of my grace into them. They disappear in a flare of blue light just before the chaos is replaced with a sudden and gut wrenching silence and the world goes dark.

—-

“She lives. Will wonders never cease?”

The loud, haughty voice jars me awake and I jerk upright in shock. I feel the panic beginning to rise in my throat as I look around the sterile room. Arabella’s wide, snide eyes are studying me carefully as my gaze finds hers.

“How did...” My voice is a rasp and my ears are ringing. A brief moment of lucidity gives way to a hysterical current of fear. “Sam and Dean? Are they…”

“You saved them, y/n. You expelled the last of your power to do so, but they are safe.” Arabella crosses her arms over her chest and steps closer to the edge of the bed.

I feel some of the tension melt from my body. I’d done it.  My thoughts swim between relief and confusion. “How did I get here?”

“We saw what you did, how you risked your life to save, not only one human for whom you’d been previously responsible for, but his brother in addition,” her voice is as flat and monotonous as ever, but I sense the faintest glimmer of pride at her words. “We make it a point to reward those who go over and beyond their duties.”

Reward?  What could she mean? The idea that I could be rejoining the ranks of my brothers and sisters and...“Castiel!” his face flashes in my mind’s eye as the panic returns. “Where’s Castiel?”

I don’t miss the eye-roll that Arabella tries to suppress as she clears her throat. “I’m afraid Castiel…” she pauses, “he did not survive the encounter with the archangel.”

I’ve not cried before. The whole process of someone being so overcome with emotion that it eventually forces its way out in the form of thick, wet tears is completely foreign to me. I’ve seen it hundreds of times - even Dean has let a single, sad little tear trail down his cheek a time or two - but I’ve never once been able to completely comprehend it.

However as the reality of her words and the callousness of her tone sets in, a tumultuous wave of grief and sadness roars through my body and without permission or warning, the flood of tears overtakes me. I can feel Arabella’s indignant gaze on me and somewhere between the embarrassingly violent sobs that wrack my body, I think I hear her sigh. But I don’t care. Despite everything that has happened in the last year - the fallout from Dean’s deal, Castiel rescuing him from hell, the actual apocalypse - the one constant in my life, whether visible or not, has been Castiel. Even when I was rotting and forgotten in that hell-hole of a cell for who-knows-how-long, a part of me knew that Castiel was still alive; that if push came to shove, he would be there. The magnitude of his loss weighed on my shoulders like a palpable mass.

Even his last words to me “I’ll hold them off. Just help Sam.” He’d sacrificed himself so that Dean and I could stop Sam and we’d failed...I’d failed. His death was in vain and it was my fault. And what of the Winchesters? What would they do without him in their midst? From the time I’d spent as an invisible companion, always following Dean to keep him out of harm’s way...mostly...I’d known them to be reckless and somewhat irresponsible. But with Castiel? His presence had seemed to give them some measure of order; perspective.

Distantly I register the sound of Arabella clearing her throat, irritatedly. While the tears still flow freely from my eyes, the overwhelming sense of loss is slowly being overtaken by a numbness that begins to saturate every atom of my being. Finally I fall silent except for the occasional sniffs as I work to regain my composure.

“As I was saying,” Arabella smiles that same painted on smile I’ve come to determine is her trademark, “As a reward for your noble and commendable act of bravery and dedication to the assignment you have been delegated, we are prepared to reinstate your grace in full and offer you a significant promotion to Master Guardian, Defender, third class.”

“What?” My voice is a harsh rasp.

“Well, y/n, not only were you successful in preserving Michael’s vessel, you saved Lucifer’s vessel as well. And now that the seals have been broken...well,” Her smirk is disconcerting. “Things are all as they should be. Upper management will be pleased to see their plans working out more smoothly than they’d anticipated.”

I rub at the dampness under my eyes as I consider her offer. This whole thing...this whole mess...this was their fault. The only reason they’d wanted me to look after Dean in the first place was because they’d wanted to start the apocalypse.

“No.”

“I beg your pardon?” Arabella lifts a perfectly manicured eyebrow, the only visible indication of the challenge in her tone.

“Pardon me, I would respectfully decline your offer,” I pause and smile, a sudden thought sparking to life, “in exchange for another.”

“I’m sorry, this is not a negoti…”

“I mean, if you want me to clue in all of your little minions here and abroad that all these talks of ‘plans’ and ‘destiny’ have little to do with God’s wishes and are actually centered around management’s desire to shake things up a bit….” I trail off, cocking my head to one side and staring unblinkingly at her. She returns my look with a glare before narrowing her eyes at me.

“What do you want?”

“Restore Castiel…”

She snorts a laugh, an oddly ominous sound from her.

“Restore. Castiel,” I say through gritted teeth, “with his original vessel. Instead.”

“You do realize that as it stands right now, your grace is completely diminished and if you do return to Earth, you will be forced to live as a mortal?” I nod once. Arabella’s gaze feels like it’s boring daggers into my skull. “You would rather resurrect the wayward Winchester guard dog, then save your own life? That’s insane. ”

“Well, it’s been said that insanity has its advantages.”

Read the Epilogue HERE

Like what you see? Want more? My Masterlist is here. Thanks for reading! :) 

My forever tags - stay weird - I love ya’ll!:

@wheresthekillswitch @pretty-fortune @arryn-nyxx @emilywritesaboutdean  @fandommaniacx @cookie-dough-lova @spnfanficpond @impandagrl @maddieburcham1 @trexrambling @27bmm @beachballsizeladyballs @hannahindie @rosie-winchester @winchesterprincessbride @that-writer-one @amionthetumbler @abbessolute @deansdirtyduchess @fandomismyspiritanimal  @angelsandwinchesters @cfordwrites @zenia3 @charliebradbury1104  @9769997118 @mogaruke @luulaachops @supernaturaldean67  @barbedwireandbubblegum @karlee-fay-my-wayward-son @muliermalefici @galaxy-jellyfish-queen @canadianjelly @kathaswings @almusanzug @feelmyroarrrr @captainradicalpassion @bethbabybaby @thinkwritexpress-official @akshi8278  @hexparker @emoryhemsworth @boxywrites @justanotherdeangirl @atc74 @anticipate1003 @super100012  @lovesj2m @easelweasel @masksandtruths @ellen-reincarnated1967 @growningupgeek @there-must-be-a-lock  @sylverminx @mrswhozeewhatsis @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

Heaven Sent Tags:

@peppermint--teas @night-thinker-23 @lavieenlex @mariahoedt

[maculategiraffe]

When you get this, post ten facts about yourself and pass this ask along to ten of your favorite followers. If you feel like it! This is a friendly, low pressure meme. :D

1. I have grapheme-color synesthesia, meaning I perceive (Roman) letters and (Arabic) numbers in color.  A is yellow, B is orange, C is pink, D is red, etc.  I didn't realize this wasn't a universally shared experience until sixth grade, when in language arts class we were discussing a story we'd read and I got two characters confused, "Mary Louise" and "Cynthia Parker," and by way of explaining my confusion offhandedly said, "sorry, they're both pink and blue" and everyone was like "...what."  I had a whole lot of trouble studying Greek because the alphabet wasn't in colors that made sense to me.

2. I find horses unnerving on, like, an existential level.  They give me the whole-body shudders, like one of those Lovecraftian things that Simply Ought Not to Be, that offend mine eyes and sanity by their proportions. The first time I watched the movie Willow and there was this scene where "unicorns" (white horses) galloped in slow-mo towards the camera, I let out this involuntary scream and hid my face and my viewing companion was like "wtf is wrong with you."  This is one of the 16 reasons I cannot tolerate the Western genre under any circumstances.

3. I sometimes play tabletop role play games, mostly World of Darkness, with my boyfriend and a small group of friends.  The two characters I've grown most attached to are a) a vampire named Alethea who was a bonny lass named Polly Cooper working in an Edwardian-era flower shop when she was Embraced (vampired) by a beautiful seductress calling herself Josephine who was later murdered by a serial killer raised by werewolves, and b) a daughter of the god Hephaestus named Chloe Smith (geddit?) who built an engine so efficient it accidentally tore a hole in the fabric of space-time so she had to team up with a few other gods' children and a human mage-hunter named Anthony who's one of two people she's ever actually (platonically) loved to defeat the eldritch abominations that came through the gap.  Alethea is currently trying to wrangle a wealthy and psychotic vampire hunter she Embraced as part of a Machiavellian scheme involving the vampire city council, who adores her so much he's constantly having people he perceives as obstacles to her murdered behind her back, and she's like "Kaspar for fuck's sake, I'm not ambitious, I've lived this long by keeping my head down" and he's like "but now that you have ME you can assume your rightful place as Queen of All Vampires" and she's like "I don't WANT to" and he's like "because you're so endearingly humble and self-effacing but we can fix all that."  Chloe failed to save Anthony's life from a cabal of mages so she called in nineteen favors from every supernatural being she knew and went to Hell Itself (kind of?  long story?) to get him back, and succeeded, and now her one goal in life is to kill the insanely overpowered mage who killed Anthony in the first place.  She's trying to get the other person she loves (her Russian half-brother Kostya, the son of Svarog) to help, but he's like "Сестренка, не будь дураком, this mage is the fucking worst, let well enough alone" and she's like "HE MURDERED MY WITCHER DAMMIT."  (Anthony has amnesia about the whole thing and Chloe's fiercely determined to make sure it stays that way so she's barely seen him since the Thing but she watches over him from nearby and it SEEMS like no one's going after him again? but we'll see)

4. I was raised in an incredibly toxic fundamentalist evangelical Christian church, which imploded just before I went off to college because the (married, with five kids) pastor was discovered to have been having a passionate affair with the wife of one of the elders (who also had five kids, everybody was very quiverfull), and have gone through a lot of Spiritual Seeking since, but I adore my current Episcopal church, which takes it as a given that our primary duty as Christians is to love and look after anyone who needs it, in the ways they need it most, as best we can.  As such, we educate ourselves and others, which I also love since the Christian culture of my youth was like "don't think about it don't think about it you'll go to hell if you think about it."  Also women and "Practicing Homosexuals" (the parlance of my youth) are allowed to be priests and bishops (we have two female priests and three male ones at my church) and the current bishop of the entire American Episcopal church (the first black man to hold that role) is the former bishop of my own diocese, so hometown diocese represent 😀

5. I love swimming in the ocean.  I'll stay in the ocean all day until somebody drags me out.  I think I have some kind of sense-memory of the womb that activates in the ocean when I'm weightless and being gently rocked.  If I'm ever eaten by a shark just know I died as I was born: being agonizingly and unexpectedly ripped from a state of mindless bliss.

6. When I was a kid I had a hamster named Butterscotch, who lived in a tank from which she was constantly escaping.  She would take her little hamster wheel, pack the bottom of it with cedar shavings, pee on them to affix them in place, climb the now-stationary wheel, muscle-lift the top of the tank, and squeeze herself out to freedom.  She'd do it right in front of me, like, "So?  Watch this." She also climbed the stairs in my parents' house by reaching up, gripping the edge of one with both paws, muscling herself up over the edge, and repeating until she reached the top.  She was the original American Ninja Warrior and I loved her so much and I cried so hard when she died.  

7. I had terrible, debilitating nightmares as a child, which led my mother to purchase a book called Helping Your Child Overcome Nightmares, which was about guided meditation and taking control of your dreams, and I immediately took and read the book myself because it sounded interesting, and I vividly remember the first time I successfully took control of a dream.  There was a striped rug in my room and I dreamed that a tiger materialized on it and growled at me, and I said aloud, in my dream, "Pretend the only thing he's afraid of is not being able to see" and threw my blanket over his head and he yelped and kicked and vanished.  I used these techniques to great effect after my husband died, when I was horribly, horribly afraid that I'd dream he was alive again and it had all been a mistake, and then wake up and absolutely be unable to stand it, so I'd dream of him and say "I'm really happy to see you, but you're dead, you're not really here" and it seemed like it sort of hurt his feelings but I knew if it was really him he'd understand I had to protect myself.  

8.  Speaking of my dead husband: we agreed before he died that if there was an afterlife he wouldn't hang around and haunt me, he'd move on to whatever new adventures might await and I'd catch up later if necessary.  I explained this to a grief counselor who asked if I'd had any Experiences of the dead one since he died (since apparently that's quite common) and I was like "oh no, we agreed he wouldn't hang around" and she was like "oh well that's... good, then?" and I was like "damn skippy, hopefully he's got better things to do"

9. Speaking of weird dreams: while we were on the transplant waiting list and living in hellish limbo, I did a lot of exploratory dream work, and one thing I did was establish a kind of little shop in the dream world that sold tea and tarot cards and geodes and this lady worked there who would help me with what I needed and supply me for my various exploratory missions in dream space.  It was like... near the "entrance" to the dream world, so when I'd lie down with guided meditation I'd go to sleep and come up "near" it.  Now hear me out because I swear this is true: years later, YEARS later, I went to New Orleans for the first time-- I'd never been near the place before-- and THAT SHOP WAS THERE.  It was the same EXACT shop.  Sold tea and tarot cards and geodes and there was a back room curtained off, which was where the lady from my dream always was when I came in, and I was too fucking terrified to ask what was back there and I hightailed it out of there and it's still the most overtly Weird thing that's ever happened to me in real life.

10. The first video game I ever played was Dragon Quest VIII on the PS2, and there was a subplot about a king whose wife had died and he'd been grieving and weeping for two years and the whole kingdom was sad and depressed because the king couldn't deal with his grief and we the adventurers had to go on a quest to find the Moon Shadow Harp and bring back a memory of his wife telling him he was stronger than he knew and him saying "I'd be lost without you" and her saying "no you wouldn't, you're strong and also no matter what I'll always be with you because you love me so much you couldn't ever lose those parts of yourself, the ones that love me, and so I'll always be with you" and I bawled like a friggin' baby, and then I tried another video game (Final Fantasy X) and was like "ugh, so it was just that one video game that was good, never mind" and that was the last time I played a video game until Fallout 4.

[eloarei]

Okay, so my friend Lila (perhaps foolishly) expressed an interest in hearing about the fandoms I've been into in the past-since-we've-really-talked, and I'm now an old woman of 28 whole years so time kinda flies by like a supersonic jet now, so I'm gonna start back about 2 years ago, because that still feels 'recent' to me. Under a cut for your convenience (given that 99.5% of you probably don’t want to read it). Also, I bolded the important things so you can just skim through it haha ^^; And I added pictures because... pictures!  also, I tagged a few people, but not so much because I wanted them to see it, but because they were relevant to my story. So don’t feel obligated to read this, if that’s you. I wasn’t trying to get your attention, I just wanted to credit you properly. 

September 2015 -- SO! This time two years ago, I was (I think) making a valiant effort to try to finish my darling long-fic, Rogue, so I guess you could say I was in the HINABN fandom. (It's one of my on-and-off fandoms; I don't think I'll ever fall out of it completely. You know, in fact, I'd call it on-and-on. I'm always into it, just in different intensities.) (I didn't come remotely close to finishing Rogue then. It took me until March of THIS year to finish it. ^^; )

October 2015 -- Around that time, One Punch Man came out, so I was deinitely into that. I've always loved Madhouse, so chances are I'm gonna be nuts for anything they make. OPM was a really fun series, though my involvement was mostly watching the show and reblogging shitloads of fanart. I read a few fics, but never got involved in making any myself. I had a vague idea about like some evil-Saitama x hacked-Genos fic which would have been called Genocide, as a play on their fantastic ship name, Genosai. I'm still waiting for season 2. Just... waiting patiently over here.

November 2015/ May 2016 -- Then, Fallout 4 came out. I didn't play it, but boy did I ever fall in love with the beautiful robot man everyone was posting about, Nick Valentine. I like to play games in order though (even though everyone said you didn't have to with this series), so I got Fallout 3 (the oldest one easily available on any system I own) for Christmas and was CRAZY hooked. I spent the first month of 2016 pretty much exclusively playing FO3 (and reading @chocochipbiscuit 's fantastic rarepair longfic, Jinxed. lol I felt so blessed that someone else had thought to ship the main character with the big frightening loyal intelligent monster companion. <3 (Fawkes is still the best.) Then I played the sequel, Fallout: New Vegas, but unfortunately it's the glitchiest damn game in existence, so even though I loved it, I couldn't put as much time into it as I wanted. BUT then Jason bought me Fallout 4 and I was just head over heels, wow. I put over 250 hours in the game, and still didn't beat it, because wandering around post-apocalyptic ruins was way more entertaining than finishing the story. XD; So basically the first half of 2016 was entirely consumed by Fallout, and my love for Nick Valentine. I conceptualized a fic, but didn't let myself write it because I was still in the process of trying to finish Rogue. (I also spent THE REST OF MY LIFE being pissed that you couldn't romance Nick Valentine in the game, even though there were so many other options and he was the one that just, ugh, just MADE SENSE! and you couldn't do it! *rages*)

June 2016 -- Around June, Pokemon GO came out, so I actually spent large portions of the summer walking around (can you believe it?!) and catching the 'mons. September 2016 -- When it started to cool down, around September, I somehow got into Back To The Future, and I'm not really sure how it happened. I just realized one day that I'd never fully seen the movies, so I sat down and watched them, fell in love, and then sat down and played the Telltale game, and fell in love more. (Young Emmett is so precious.) I spent probably the majority of October reading @irisbleufic​ Mammett stories, which are fantastic, and then started writing my own. (See recent WIPS list post for the depressing number of BttF fics I started and never finished. I did finish one, at least.) (Fanart below is by Fightbeast, who is a pretty great artist =D) 

November 2016 -- November was NaNoWriMo, so I don't remember anything except wildly attempting to write my heart out. Oh, and starting to watch Yuri on Ice. Hoo, wow, that was a fun ride. My friend @tempuslunam​ came over to watch it with me every week. It was fantastic. I didn't get involved in any fic or anything though; I guess it was just good enough how it was haha. December 2016 -- In December, I was riding the end of the BttF wave and crashing head-on into the Overwatch fandom. I'd been kind of into it for months, but it just grew in Nov and Dec, and I spent the whole two weeks surrounding Christmas reading a massive and fantastic McCree/Hanzo fic called Hang the Fool. I still REALLY love the fandom, even though I'm not currently involved in reading or writing for it. McHanzo, Reaper76, and Roadrat are my main ships. God I'm so glad it's a big fandom. Most of my fandoms are usually way too small. (The picture below is Tracer; not part of my ships, but a good character, and the face of the series. She’s a cutie. =3) 

Oh, I also started reading this webcomic called Long Exposure. It’s about a gross bully with a longstanding crush on a nerd, and also they get superpowers?

Janurary 2017 -- January, I was flip-flopping between the various games I'd gotten for Christmas, and then in February I got Final Fantasy Fifteen and went totally nuts over it for the next month or two. Met @nomadsky​ through her wonderful fics, and started WAY TOO MANY of my own fics. As with BttF, I only finished one.

March 2017 - In March, I finished my longfic, Rogue, spent several days just overwhelmed about it and feeling so proud of myself and happy and empty all at the same time. Then I jumped into Mass Effect Andromeda. This was fun because a) I love the Mass Effect series, and b) I went into it without knowing anything about it. Fell in love with the beautiful alien Jaal, then was pissed because you couldn't romance him (having Nick Valentine flashbacks) even though he kept flirting with you, and then was flooded with relief because oh okay actual you can. Also fell in love with the sad story of Avitus Rix and Macen Barro, and I started writing a story about them but never finished it.

 April / June 2017 -- In April my friend came to visit, so I kind of forgot everything I was doing, and when she left I decided to hardcore get back to my writing, so I picked up that Fallout 4 Nick Valentine fic I conceptualized the previous year and did basically just that for the next few months. July 2017 -- In July, I a) accidentally remembered that I love Jak and Daxter, and minorly got back into that and started writing a fic I'd meant to write for years, and b) accidentally stumbled upon a One Piece mobile game (Treasure Cruise, which, btw, is the best OP game available for the simple reason that all the dumb side characters I love are playable) that reminded me that I love the series, and made me start rewatching that and writing more Cobymeppo fic. (Oh my LORD! I’d never seen this precious Coby until I googled it! He must have been a rare/seasonal character! I have the more common forms of them.) 

AAAAND that's pretty much where I'm at now, still kind of balancing those fandoms and quite a few older ones. Other things I watched but didn't necessarily get involved in the fandom for: -- Noragami. Stumbled upon this one without ever hearing about it on tumblr. I love it. (lol I can't believe how straight all my ships are though! And they're still so good!) I'm hoping season 3 happens eventually. -- Ore Monogatari. Saw like two clips on tumblr and instantly went, "oop, well gotta go watch that immediately." It's now one of my favorite anime, super precious. Jason even watched it with me and agrees that it's top notch.

-- Mob Psycho 100. Everyone was watching this last November-ish, and I just didn't for some reason? It's by the same author as One Punch Man, but for some reason I didn't think I was gonna like it as much? Um. But I did. Well, differently, but it's still good.

-- Wander over Yonder. It was around this time that I sat down and just tore through the first season. Cute show, but I haven't managed to watch season 2 yet, somehow.  -- The Phantom of the Opera. Like literally all I wanted to do for 2 weeks was listen to the soundtrack. BAD ASS main theme, I love it. 

Now the only thing I'm really specifically looking forward to (besides the continuation of any current series) is the movie The Shape of Water, because yes please I can always use more human/monster love, good gosh.

And there's my fandom breakdown from the past two years!!! =D =D =D Of course, I'm more than happy to go into more detail about any of them, of course. =3 (Just TRY to get me to stop talking about my interests; you can't! XD;;; )

[willreadforbooze]

Hello boozie readers!

Reminder:Our Will Read For Booze twitter account (formerly Sam’s personal account) is going to be dedicated to the whole blog! So go check us out kthxxxx. While that’s amazing, Sam has to start from scratch on a new account, let’s show her some love huh? Check out her new account TheBooktender_  She’ll love you forever and ever.

Minda’s Updates

It’s been quite the year! Stay tuned for my year-in-review and 2020 goals post to kick off the new year on Weds.

What Minda finished:

The Dragon Republic by R.F. Kuang – SO SO GOOD! Like, even better than the first one. Highs and lows and decisions made. Review from me to come

What Minda is reading now:

The Lager Queen of Minnesota by J. Ryan Stradal – A Midwest beer-making family moves forward after the patriarch dies and leaves the beer company to only one of the sisters. Was recommended by my also-beer-loving coworker.

Linz’s Updates

Is this fucking holiday season fucking over yet? I’m writing this on my way to my 4th holiday gathering this week. Also I WORKED this week.

What Linz read:

Deadly Little Scandals by Jennifer Lynn Barnes: Did NOT think Barnes could top herself, but goddamn I burned through this sequel to Little White Lies. Love love love.

Pale by Edward A. Farmer: thanks to Netgalley for the chance to read this advanced copy. A 1960s novel set in the South about a white family and the black people they employed to work their plantation. I didn’t think the voice was the right fit, the timeline was confusing, and the ending was rushed.

Fireborne by Rosaria Munda: YAAAAASSSS. YA fantasy that takes place in the years after an overthrown…I guess oligarchy? Dragons, romance, intrigue–baaaaaalllller.

What Linz is reading now:

Winterwood by Shea Ernshaw: Teen witch, boy with secrets, magic woods. CLEARLY I’m into it. I’m having a really hard time with the writing style

Sam’s Updates

So much for rest. I had a really bad flare up this week, but it seems to be calming a bit. We’ll see. I have done like… zero reading this week. For whatever reason, I’m in to binge watching right now. I figure I’ll lean into it and get it out of my system for the new year.

What Sam read this week:

Warrior of the Altaii by Robert Jordan: Only just started this but this was actually Robert Jordan’s first book, but this was it’s first publishing. Our man, Wolfgar is a nomad and the non-nomads plot to take over the world. Wolfgar tryna stop them. I was so incredibly disappointed in this. More to come in a drunk review.

What Sam’s currently reading:

Silvered Serpents by Roshani Chokshi: This is the sequel to The Gilded Wolves which Linz reviewed and then so did I because I couldn’t shut up about it. I haven’t made any progress on this so far.

Once & Future by Amy Rose Capetta: This is gender-swapped King Arthur in space. I am SO IN TO IT.

Ginny’s Updates

Continuation of Happy Holidays! I hope everyone had a good week of celebrating any ceremonies you prefer, and that everyone has a happy new year!

What Ginny Finished this week:

Magic for Nothing by Seanan McGuire: This one is obviously getting a review, if only because I’ve reviewed every book in this series (Incryptid #6). Antimony finally gets a book of her own. The family is dealing with the fallout of the ending of the previous book and Anitmony is the one that makes choice for an undercover agent. There are new creatures, a circus, a terrifying-spider creature, and… the review will come.

Gilded Cage by K.J. Charles: This is the second book in a series. I read the first book Any Old Diamonds a while back and enjoyed it enough to read the next book. This book follows Susan, basically a PI, and Templeton Vane, one half of the Lilywhite Boys, who is currently wanted for a murder he didn’t commit. Also they used to be besties and lovers and now she hates him. It’s all very dramatic. The story is really good, the characters are eminently enjoyable. 4/5

Tangle of Need by Nalini Singh: I continue to really enjoy the way this series has grown. Now that there is so much going on, you keep getting snippets of so many people’s lives and the plots continue to be tight and incredibly exciting. The nice thing about a world this large is that even if the main characters aren’t the best, there’s so much else to keep you interested. That being said, I did like Riaz and Adria. I was happy to see Adria again after the sad hints of her life that we got in an earlier book. These two characters both had some issues and it was really great to see the way they did and did not assist each other. 4/5

What Ginny is Currently Reading:

Darkdawn by Jay Kristoff: I so enjoy the parts of this book that I read, but I’ve been running around like crazy so much that I haven’t had much of a chance to read physical books. But I really gotta get back to this.

Hither, Page by Cat Sebastian: This is Cat Sebastian’s new book, and I”m coming into it not knowing much. It’s set in a small British town where someone has died/maybe been murdered. Leonard Page is the detective sent to look into it. James is the local doctor who may have previously saved Leo’s life. They’re def gonna fall in love.

Until next time, we main forever drunkenly yours,

Sam, Ginny, Linz, and Minda

Weekly Wrap Up: Dec 23-29, 2019 Hello boozie readers! Reminder:Our Will Read For Booze twitter account (formerly Sam's personal account) is going to be dedicated to the whole blog!