#i like jack as a lil pathetic and obsessive

[doumadono]

Hi hi hi hiiii!!

CONGRATS ON YOUR MILESTONE BABY!!!! I AM SO PROUD (and not a lil jelly at all) THAT MY BABY IS DOING SO GOOOOD!!!

Soooooo!

I voted for the NSFW alphabet :3

Aaaand I would like to see Alphabets for Shiggy and Dabi :3 cuz those are icons of your blog :3

CONGRATS AGAIN!!!!

MY HERO ACADEMIA MASTERLIST - PART II ⊹ Doumadono's 6k followers event

Dabi - NSFW Alphabet

A - Aftercare Dabi isn’t the poster boy for aftercare. He doesn’t shower you with sweet words or fuss over you. He’s the type to light a cigarette, pull you against his sturdy chest, and let the silence speak for itself. If you need more, like cleaning up or emotional reassurance, you’ll have to nudge him — he’ll grumble at first and do it eventually — because, despite himself, he does care.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

B - Body Part On you, he’s obsessed with your thighs. Whether he’s gripping them, biting them, or marking them up, he loves how they tremble under his touch. Dabi doesn’t have a part of himself he particularly likes. In his eyes, he’s nothing more than a disgusting wreck, convinced that others find him more repulsive than appealing. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

C - Cum Dabi has a sinful fondness for cumming on your titties or face, reveling in the sight of his seed painting your skin — it’s a vision that never fails to drive him wild. Still, he doesn’t mind giving you a nice creampie.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

D - Dirty Secret Dabi has often fantasized about sneaking into Endeavor’s agency and fucking you senseless on his desk, leaving every trace of your wild escapade behind as a blatant mark of defiance. Perhaps Dabi would even leave a note for the so-called hero, detailing just how pathetic he truly was and reminding him that the past never dies. The thought of that bastard walking in to see the mess fills Dabi with a twisted satisfaction that’s almost too good to resist.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

E - Experience Despite his laid-back demeanor, Dabi is far from inexperienced. He’s had his share of hookups and spent more nights with cheap whores than he cares to count, gaining an undeniable expertise along the way. Dabi knows what he’s doing and relishes in making you feel like no one’s ever touched you like this before. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

F - Favorite Position Dabi has a clear favorite: doggy style. It gives him the perfect excuse to run his hands over your ass, deliver sharp, teasing spanks, and watch the way your flesh bounces under his control. What he loves most about this position is the freedom it gives him to bend you to his will, shaping every moment exactly how he likes it the most.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

G - Goofy Dabi’s humor is sharp and teasing, even in the bedroom. He’ll smirk against your skin or let out a dry laugh when you get flustered, his tone low and taunting as he murmurs, “And now daddy’s gonna open your sweet hole up with his fingers. Don’t make a sound or I’ll have to use my quirk on ya, doll.”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

H - Hair His pubic hair is naturally snow-white, a detail that first struck you as odd the very first time you were having sex. It lingered in the back of your mind, a puzzle piece that didn’t quite fit — until his true identity was revealed, and everything clicked into place. Dabi makes sure his snow-white happy trail is neatly trimmed.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I - Intimacy Dabi is nothing short of rough and relentless in bed. He doesn’t waste time with drawn-out games or teasing: he’s all about raw, unrestrained sex. His goal is simple: to fuck you so hard that the next day, every step you take serves as a vivid reminder of his cock abusing your cunny.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

J - Jack Off Dabi is rough with himself when he does masturbate — gripping his shaft tightly, his fingers squeezing his balls with almost punishing intensity. But the truth is, he rarely gives in to the urge, preferring to wait until he can have you in his hands instead. That self-control, however, crumbles the moment you send him a dirty picture. The instant his eyes land on it, his cock stiffens, leaving him no choice but to free himself from his jeans and take care of the ache you’ve so effortlessly ignited.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

K - Kink Dabi is into rough play — biting, spanking, asphyxiation, and leaving marks all over your body. He loves when you call him daddy. On rare occasions, Dabi craves the shift in power, letting himself be tied and dominated, though these moments are super rare.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

L - Location Dabi is always ready and willing, no matter the time or place. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

M - Motivation Your body's a masterpiece that drives Dabi to madness. He loves watching the way your curves move — whether it’s through the haze of steam as you shower or the subtle shifts as you change clothes. And, of course, there are moments when he can’t resist being loud about how incredible you feel around him, if only to irritate the other League members and remind everyone exactly who you belong to.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

N - No Dabi may be reckless, but he has his limits. He won’t entertain anything that genuinely scares or harms you. Emotional vulnerability is his hardest boundary — he keeps those doors locked tight, unwilling to let anyone too far inside.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

O - Oral Giving? Dabi loves it. There’s something about being in control and watching you lose yourself that drives him wild, not to mention the sweet taste of your juices spilling all over his stitched tongue. Receiving a head? He’ll lean back with a cocky smirk, maybe will even light a cigarette, letting out low groans and praising you when you push him over the edge, deep-throating him while fondling his balls.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

P - Pace Fast and rough. Dabi’s always driven by his own needs and desires. He’ll fuck you hard and deep, his tip kissing your cervix with every thrust he delivers, his focus sharp on chasing his release, leaving you completely breathless.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Q - Quickie Quickies are practically a specialty of his. Dabi loves the urgency and rawness of them, especially when it’s a spur-of-the-moment decision. The thrill of pulling you aside and leaving you nothing but a breathless mess in minutes is a rush he can’t resist.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

R - Risk Risk is his second name. Dabi thrives on the thrill of danger, whether it’s getting caught or pushing boundaries just enough to keep things exciting.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

S - Stamina Dabi can go for as long as it takes to leave you both thoroughly spent. His endurance is impressive, fueled by pure desire to leave you completely ruined. He’ll tease the shit out of you if you tap out first.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

T - Toys He’s intrigued by toys, especially when he gets to use them on you himself. Dabi sees them as tools to enhance your sex life and isn’t shy about introducing them to you, though he prefers to keep his hands as the main event. Still, on some occasions, he’ll give you a new vibrator (the one with functions your previous toys didn’t have.)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

U - Unfair Dabi is a relentless tease, enjoying how far he can push you before you break. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

V - Volume He’s not shy about letting you hear how much he’s enjoying himself. Dabi’s voice is low and gravelly, laced with growls and groans, and he isn’t afraid to let everyone around know how good you make him feel.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

W - Wild Card Dabi will never admit it, but there’s a flicker of hesitation when it comes to undressing in front of you. His body is undeniably well-sculpted, but the scars that mar his skin leave him feeling vulnerable in ways he’d rather not confront. He hides that uncertainty behind his usual smirk and poker face.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

X - X-Ray Dabi’s cock is long and thick, with a natural uncut shaft that makes every inch of him a study in raw, rugged appeal. His balls are heavy and perfectly round. His cock is uncut, and the pink tip peeks through beautifully when his foreskin is drawn back. The prominent vein running along the underside of his shaft is impossible to miss when you stroke his dick. When he’s fully erect, the sheer girth makes it a challenge to wrap your hand completely around him.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Y - Yearning His sex drive is very high. He’ll gladly get laid whenever he can.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Z - Zzz Dabi is quick to crash. There’s something grounding about your presence that helps him rest easier, though he’d never admit it out loud.

Shigaraki - NSFW Alphabet

A - Aftercare Shigaraki isn’t naturally inclined toward aftercare — it’s not something he’s used to. Early on, he might awkwardly sit beside you, scratching at his neck and asking if you’re good in his raspy tone. But as your bond deepens, he starts to soften in his own way. He’ll run a hand through your hair or wordlessly fetch you water, learning to stick around even when his instincts tell him to flee emotional vulnerability.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

B - Body Part On you, it’s your mouth. He’s fixated on the way your lips move — when you speak, moan, or cry out his name. There’s something about how your mouth can be soft and sinful all at once that drives him mad. On himself, he’s oddly fixated on his hands. Though scarred and destructive, they’re precise, and he knows exactly how to use them to elicit every shiver and gasp from you.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

C - Cum Shigaraki isn’t concerned about keeping things tidy — he’s all about the raw, messy sex. He loves seeing you marked by him, whether it’s his cum on your heated skin or buried deep inside your abused pussy, slowly leaking out of your hole. There’s an almost feral satisfaction in watching you wear his essence.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

D - Dirty Secret Tomura fantasizes about control — not just in the physical sense but complete surrender. He dreams of you tied up, blindfolded, entirely at his mercy, begging him for more.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

E - Experience He’s not as experienced as you might think. Tomura’s past was too tumultuous for casual hookups, and his focus on wiping hero society out didn’t leave room for much else. What he lacks in practice, he makes up for in intensity. He learns fast, and his obsessive nature ensures he knows every little thing that makes you tick.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

F - Favorite Position Shigaraki likes positions where he’s in control and can see your face at the same time. You’re such a pretty, little thing after all. Pinning you beneath him, watching every flicker of pleasure cross your features as you fall apart while his cock is buried in your wet pussy in missionary, is his favorite way to relax.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

G - Goofy Tomura isn’t intentionally funny in bed, but his dry wit and blunt remarks sometimes sneak through. If you’re flustered, he might smirk and mutter something like, “Oh, my little playmate can’t handle me fucking her tight pussy? What a shame, thought you’re more resilient!” The amusement is fleeting, though — his focus always snaps back to fucking you senseless.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

H - Hair Neatly groomed down there. Tomura doesn’t really care about this stuff but despite his general indifference toward cleanliness, he makes an effort to ensure he doesn’t completely neglect himself.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I - Intimacy Shigaraki is raw and unrefined, but deeply genuine. He doesn’t know how to say the right things, but he lets you see the sides of him no one else does. The way his hands linger on your skin, the quiet groans in your ear, the almost desperate way he clings to you — it all speaks to how much he craves the connection he rarely allows himself.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

J - Jack Off Shigaraki’s fantasies are vivid and uninhibited, fueled by the memory of your voice, the feel of your skin, and the way you look when you fall apart beneath him. Tomura loves to give himself a lot of attention. If needed, he’ll play with his cock for a while, teasing the tip at the beginning and jerking the length viciously at the end, all while thinking about you giving him head.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

K - Kink Shigaraki is drawn to domination and control, so BDSM has always interested him a lot. He’s also a super dirty talker, so expect a lot of humiliation.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

L - Location He’s not picky about location — anywhere he can fuck you is fair game. The hideout, a rooftop, even a cramped storage room — it’s all fair game. The more chaotic and spur-of-the-moment, the better. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

M - Motivation The slightest view or thought of your soft flesh sticking out of your clothes can easily drive Shiggy crazy. He’s also driven by your boldness: seeing you challenge or tease him makes his blood boil in the best way, and he’ll waste no time putting you back in your place.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

N - No Anything that could hurt you is strictly off-limits. Everyone knows Shigaraki is ruthless, even sadistic, but when it comes to you, he’d never cause you harm. He’s fiercely protective, determined to keep you in perfect shape — both mentally and physically — because you’re his, and nothing else matters more.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

O - Oral He’s feral while eating your pussy out, reveling in the way you react to him; the way your thighs shaking against his head while he flicks the tip of his long tongue against your clitoris or entrance drives him wild. The surge of power Shigaraki feels when you’re on your knees, lips wrapped around the reddened tip of his dick while you’re giving him head, is purely intoxicating — he thrives on the way it feeds his ego, the control he wields in that moment. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

P - Pace His pace varies depending on his mood. He can be rough and frantic, pouring all his pent-up frustrations into the moment, or slow and smooth, savoring every whimper and gasp he draws from you. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Q - Quickie He simply hates them. He loves to take his time with his beloved plaything.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

R - Risk Shigaraki is no stranger to risk, and he loves the adrenaline it brings. The idea of getting caught adds a dangerous edge to your sex life that leaves him buzzing.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

S - Stamina Tomura’s restless nature gives him impressive stamina. He can go for hours if he’s in the mood.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

T - Toys Shigaraki doesn’t put stock in fancy sex toys. He’s confident — perhaps arrogantly so — in his own abilities, firmly believing that only he can give you the kind of pleasure you truly crave. No matter how much you plead or try to convince him, he’ll never allow toys in bed — your pleasure is something he insists on claiming entirely for himself.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

U - Unfair Shigaraki is a merciless tease. When you’re out together, you can be sure you’ll be teased by him. His hands will inevitably find their way beneath your skirt or dress. He’ll lean in close, his breath hot against your ear, fanning the side of your neck as he murmurs filthy promises about how badly he wants to stretch your sweet, juicy cunt open with his fingers and cock, making you blush on the spot.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

V - Volume Shigaraki is usually a man of grunts and low growls, but when the heat of the moment consumes him, he can get surprisingly loud. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

W - Wild Card Tomura’s spontaneity keeps you on your toes. One moment, he’s brooding and distant, the next, he’s pinning you against a wall with a low growl, whispering the filthiest shit into your ear. His unpredictability is intoxicating.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

X - X-Ray Shigaraki is slightly above average in size, with a shaft that leans more toward thickness than length. His dick is cut — AFO arranged it when Tomura was just a boy, ensuring it would be easier to maintain hygiene as he grew older.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Y - Yearning Shigaraki’s sex drive is rather high, fueled by the constant stress and tension of leading the League. For him, there’s no better way to release the pressure and tension than losing himself completely in the raw, unrestrained sex. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Z - Zzz Sleep doesn’t come easily to him, even when he’s exhausted by sex. He’ll hold you close though, his hands ghosting over your skin as he tries to settle his restless mind. Your presence is the only thing that soothes him enough to lull him into a rare, dreamless sleep.

@pixelcafe-network

[rockn-rule]

so. got any thoughts to share with the class about our dear Jack Frost? i bet that lovely smile of his is haunting you right now 😉❄️

Oh boy do i

Jack Frost head cannons here I come

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚘𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚠 ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

*❊- Obviously Jack is fruity, he has to be, and he definitely leans more on the spectrum of bisexual for me

*❊- Jack almost certainly is secretly lukewarm under his jacket, especially with all his layers

*❊- Jack would 100% be a good romantic you can't tell me otherwise- he would probably either make a rose out of ice or freeze one so it stays young forever

*❊- In terms of date ideas, I feel he'd enjoy a nice icy gazebo with some snowmen playing soft, melancholy, songs and a lil blanket and telescope for star gazing

*❊- He so has a fascination with cold stars and pluto

*❊- He'd plan picnic dates at night so that you could watch the Aurora Borealis and meteor showers together

*❊- He's definitely more loyal and obsessive than being cold and distant (ironically)

*❊- He would be the sort to braid your hair, or cut it for you- He'd also probably end up putting ever lasting snowflakes in your hair too

*❊- His fingers are undoubtedly cold, but his chest would definitely be almost burning- and he's definitely using all those layers of icy clothes to hide it

*❊- Probably has a sleigh, but it's definitely be driven by a draft horse that's got blue eyes and a silver coat

*❊- said horse would be be named Boreas, after the Greek god

*❊- He loves animals, especially snow leopards- and he's 100% sad they're going extinct hence why he brings winter early

*❊- He definitely makes slushies you can't tell me he doesn't

*❊- His favourite berry is probably mulberries since they are so resistant to frost

*❊- He probably bakes a lot, definitely leaning more towards souffle's and fancier things

*❊- He's so spy from tf2 coded in ways I can't explain, because he totally drinks wine and margaritas

*❊- He can't get drunk because he drinks so often

*❊- He likes ice ballet, for obvious reasons, and would probably beg you to skate with him- even pulling you gently onto the ice to lead you into a waltz

*❊- He gives me the vibes that he'd like the Russian song 'dark is the night's and some other older Russian songs

*❊- Undoubtedly a good kisser, definitely not the best for sure, but still good

*❊- He gets flustered so fast by simple praises and light touches, he probably whimpers and begs for one last kiss before he goes with puppy dog eyes like the pathetic idiot he is

*❊- Definitely signs 'I love you' in sign language from across the room, or table

*❊- He crosses his legs when sitting and moves a lot because he's got ADHD, maybe even hyper mobility too

*❊- You fall first but he falls faster sorta fella

*❊- He'd wear a dress to annoy the others but then realize he likes it

♡⑅*˖•. ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .•˖*⑅♡

I'll be doin more of this eventually so be prepared for even more of 'I am clinical do not perceive me'

[fucktheark]

(some) creepypasta/marble hornets music hcs :)

these are mostly from my own playlist they aren't accurate at all this is just 4 funsies lololol

also i highly doubt anyone will even see this post but if u do drop a song rec plz im struggling finding new music </3

tim (specifically him cs masky is too busy going apeshit 4 music)

old man music but like cool old man music (this is just what my father listens to LOL)

thinks he's got peak taste and snickers at everybody else's song choices

breathe - pink floyd

pet sematary - ramones

the chain - fleetwood mac

aerials - soad

lover, you should've come over - jeff buckley

hoodie

i pulled this out of my ass tbh but imagine 80s fan brian

kinda likes lil peep but would never tell a soul cs he thinks he's too old for it

doesn't rly share his music with anyone bcs he's afraid they're not gonna clown him for it

she's in parties - bauhaus

the brightside - lil peep

the ghost in you - psychedelic furs

messages - a flock of seagulls

hotel california - the eagles (cz y not)

jane

i never rly obsessed over her so this is js based on the vibes i get from the art i've seen of her (so pretty bruh)

echolalia - faetooth

nine while nine - sisters of mercy

closet - fleshwater

engine no. 9 - deftones

frigid and spellbound - spectral wound

nina

no way totally unexpected music

i think eventually she grew out of screamo and scene but never rly let emo go entirely

acid - ghost town

get away with murder - jeffree star (yikes)

what you need - bmth

freaxx - brokencyde (she's been in love with this album since it came out)

vampires will never hurt you - mcr

jeff

i like think that after what he did to his family he just kinda checked out from earth and stopped keeping up with most pop culture, so he's still listening to the same music he did back then.

peak edgy middle schooler vibes

never tires of his playlist

every now and again he comes across something new and gets obsessed with it immediately and probably forever

yen - slipknot

makedamnsure - taking back sunday

don't go - bmth

tourniquet - marilyn manson

crewcabanger - chelsea grin

toby

I-C-P FOREVER WITH THE JUGGALOSSSSSS

still enjoys twiztid even after the beef but secretly because it makes him feel like a poser

also likes jeff buckley but feels kinda cringe for it

the stalker - icp

house of mirrors - icp

my 1st time - dark lotus

2nd hand smoke - twiztid

grace - jeff buckley

liu

same reasoning as jane i know like nothing about this dude and even less about sully so i'm not even gonna attempt .

i fw his vibe tho

eye - smashing pumpkins

the man who sold the world - nirvana

heaven - talking heads

the sickness - imminence (he's gotta be a lil emo come on)

siamese twins - the cure

eyeless jack

this one is kinda hard tbh but considering his hypersensitivity to sound, i feel like he wouldn't enjoy anything too noisy

likes songs with a lot of bass because he can feel the bass reverberating through his body when he wears headphones

soft/airy vocals!!!! he hates screaming

doesn't rly stick with a specific genre just whatever makes his ears tingle lol

a forest - the cure

dark stone - holy fawn

hide and seek #1 - plastic tree

the thing - pixies

collabo - june freedom

BEN

bitch spends so much time on the internet he discovers new music every day

listens to everything but tries to flex the really obscure shit he finds in the depths of youtube (he wants to be cool but it's kind of pathetic.)

his playlist is MASSIVE and a mess, he usually has to skip through half of it before finding something he actually likes

i don't know why but he'd be into haunted mound

plays the majora's mask soundtrack when he can't think of anything to listen to

husqrider - turnabout

fentanylism - opiated devilsperm

starting over - lsd and the search for god

gou zin zan goku - deviloof

ugliest - $uicideboy$

laughing jack

he's old af and probably doesn't get modern music tbh

classical music it is

and opera

i'm not gonna make a whole playlist but he really loves erlkönig because of the story lol

[sk3tch404]

Lmao np <33 I always enjoy drawing Yandere's as pathetic lil meow meows hehe (funfact: I actually drew Rory first but after I finished his lineart I was like, wait shit I don't have a full color reference- and then I hyperfocused on drawing jay instead lol)

Also, you 🤝 me: jayce + jack o' lanterns = stonks ✅ ✅ ✅

Also also, ngl if Darling were self-aware she'd def hate me, because I always try to speedrun the Bad ending first lmaooo

Also^3, every time I hear baggy pants, I can't help but remember the boys I went to school with a few years ago, who wore the most ugly, most a t r o c i o u s pairs of baggy pants I have ever seen 💀💀

For Reference: https://imgur.com/a/fZsHsF7

This is what I'm talking about^^ like pls,, just sTO P-

About the blue reference, the paragraph I meant was the one about how I only liked EJ so much because of his BLUE mask 😔 young me truly set the bar too low (maybe it's because of him that I'm attracted to most fictional mad scientists/doctors with no morals now, damn this bastard 😒)

Oh, and the OG mikey myers Movie is the 1978 one! ^^

And finally about the Christian Gang /hj (every holiday Yandere of yours has/used to have strong Christian influences but these three are still considered extra Christian to me so I'm just gonna start calling em that lolololol)

Gonna be honest, when you revealed that one of them was gonna be Christmas, I immediately headcanoned him as just some guy in Christmas elf costume- thank god that's not the case though (I say, even though I know damn well that I'm still gonna draw him in that costume the nanosecond you drop a ref for him, because he's a lil skrimblo who needs to get a reality check via me shitposting him into humility)

Also ofc the twins are ginger 😒🙄 /derogatory /j okay but fr, whenever I see a fictional ginger online I'm like ....Ed Sheeran??? 😱😱 (coughcoughchildecough)

-Ren'py anon

OKAY OKAY I'LL DROP A SMIDGE OF RORY SPRITES SO U CAN COLOR IT BBG

He only wears shades outside lol

HEHEHE YES JACK O'LANTERN STONKS GO UP IN THE BRAIN CELL ACTIVITY

Eh, I mean, its always fun to get the bad ending first though. Just to see then get all angry and violent 😍 good shit tbh

MC would def hate you, but I feel like it would take a bit to get the bad bad ending yk? I don't have the obvious, good/neutral/bad choices most of the time (although there are some choices that will obviously lead to negative consequences lol)

JAYCE ONLY WEARS THE ONES IN STYLE RN NOT THOSE LMAOOOO

Though they can look good if done right, those boys at school were definitely not doing it right 💀

Now I understand the blue reference! Ugh how did I MISS IT SO BAD 😭 gosh you were going crazy abt him and the color blueeeeee

I understand how that all kick started ur obsession with fucked up men. We are one in the same 😎

Hehehe thank you for the confirmation! I will be watching Myers stand there menacingly as I look up fics of him 😍

It's so funny that you call them the Christan gang, but it's not gonna have all the significant original values and whatnot. It's just a global holiday thingy that everybody does regardless of religious background (Though I'm glad you still see their origins and acknowledge their important purpose to many other people!)

GOD HELP WHY? I ONLY WATCHED LIKE 10 MINUTES IF THAT ELF MOVIE WHEN I WAS IN 6TH GRADE DURING LUNCH? WHY WERE THEY PLAYING IT DURING LUNCH YOU ASK? BC OF CHRISTMAS OR SMTH IDK, BUT IT WAS OKAY IG

It would be very funny to see him as an elf that works at the mall as a side 😇 He needs it anyway

Regarding the Twin's, THEY HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE MAKE GINGER JOKES, SO BAD. THE MINUTE SOMEONE SAYS ANYTHING ABT ED SHEERAN AROUND THEM, THEY EITHER ZIP OUT OF THERE OR FIGHT. NO IN BETWEEN.

Typical gingers 🙄 so sensitive dude

Childe is one of the only gingers I can tolerate. If these two didnt have a life and played Genshin, they would favor Childe so much.

[yansgalore]

panty stealer

yandere! ace trappola x yandere! fem! reader [smut]

he's a pervert, I just know it! he teases and degrades you and says uwah, you're useless without him, huh? and stupid, did you forget that you basically can't do anything in this world~? huh? but despite all that, he cares for you. he does, truly, just in more... roundabout ways.

somewhere along the way, he falls for you. maybe its the way you go along with his pranks and stick with him when it goes wrong. maybe its the happy, giddy way you look at him when something goes your way.

whatever it is, you got this boy hooked on you, and he's holding on like a lifeline. he's always hovering around you, and never strays far. if you're in this class he isn't? surprise, now he is- he's even next to you, ain't that nice! huh, the guy that's supposed to be your seatmate? hah, why'd you askin'? what, you don't actually care for that asshole, do you?

disgusting. a waste of space. why does an asshole like that got the spot to sit next to you?

once he submits to his more... fantastical fantasies of you, it's easy for ace to spiral down the rabbit hole of love. this twisted, maniacal, obsessive feeling he calls love.

and it leads him to your quarters. in the ramshackle dorm, where you're most vulnerable. he'd never admit it, but he's a little peeved that the grim-lin gets to see the parts of you that he hasn't.

anyway, he sneaks in nice and easy when nobody's home (except the ghosts, but he can always deal with them, no?) and quickly sneaks into your room.

now, ace isn't some porn loving freak. he wouldn't enter and just... stand there, sniffing in your scent, you know?

except he does and holy fuck don't you smell good. so fucking good. ace swears he's never felt so alive. so blissful. ignoring the tightening of his pants, ace rushes to your drawers, frantically rummaging for- ah.

he grins widely as he lifts up your undergarments, like a trophy on display. while it isn't lingerie material, it's you and that's all that matters.

ace hurries to tuck one of them into his pockets but... it wouldn't hurt to... lift them to his nose and smell a 'lil, right? I mean, so long as he doesn't jack off, it doesn't makes him a perverted little weirdo, right?

that's what he tells himself as he eagerly makes his way towards your bed, precum already smearing his pants.

god, he's so stupidly in love, and he's glad it's for you.

shlick, shlick! his hand rapidly squeezes his dick and rubs it back and forth while he keeps himself quiet by covering himself with your underwear. god, he could just taste you in his mouth!

"ah, ah...!" he moans, imagining that it's you stroking him instead of his pathetic hands, and that it's your pussy on his mouth instead of your underwear. how good, it'd be, how you'd tell him that he's a pervert, jacking off just to your scent- and he's agree, nodding frantically like the slut he is. "god, I love you, I- hah-!"

in his fervor, he doesn't notice the door opening and closing, or how you stand before him with an equally lovestruck smile on your face as you watch him desperately mewl for you.

"hah, oh fuck-!" with a scream, ace cums, bursts of white shooting out of his dick. as he slowly comes down from his high, you clear your throat.

"having fun, ace?"

ace's heart stops beating as he, frightened, looks up to see you at the edge of the bed he just cummed on. with your underwear near his mouth.

"ace." you repeat when he doesn't reply. you sigh, glancing at the underwear he used to succumb and pout. "you pervert, is it that cute?"

w-what?

"my underwear." you ask point-blank, taking it from his hands and lifting it up. it's the first pair you got when you landed in twisted wonderland, so it's been through some things. "i don't think i'd jack off to this myself."

why are you talking about this when he's cummed in your bed-!

"i'm wearing a cuter pair than that." you sit next to him, then smirk. "wanna see?"

a perverted blush blooms onto his face. so, you're into this just as much as he is, huh?

"please."

he scrambles to meet your lips, and moans when you forcefully shove your tongue in, wrapping his arms around your neck. ace already feels like cumming again, and you haven't done anything to him but make out.

as you seperate, a string of saliva hangs between the two of you and ace can't help but blush harder at the sight.

"embarrassed?" you ask, smiling as you watch his dick jump at the sight.

"n-no..."

you smile wider. never in your wildest dreams would you think that ace loved you as much as you loved him, but here he is, shyly looking away. cute.

"you sure?"

"s-shut up! just kiss me again, damn it!" he leans forward and tries (keyword: tries) to take the lead but again, you best him by a mile and leaving him moaning like a slut who hasn't felt a dick in days.

"hah, hah..." ace is a mess. his heart is completely messed up, smeared with sweat. his eyes are teary and half lidded, how appetizing.

ace leans downwards and presses his nose against your pussy, his warm breath fanning your crotch. his hands lay still against your zipper and he looks up at you, silently asking for permission.

"hmm? what's up?" you fake innocence, tapping his hands.

"you know what I want!"

"I don't~ not unless you tell me, ace. like you said, I'm a stupid, magicless human, right?" and ace burns at your request, silently cursing himself.

"can I- tch, e-eat you out- damn it, just-!" ace's hands grab the zipper, but he doesn't pull down.

"well, I guess that's acceptable." you hum in delight as he quickly discards your pants and freezes.

that's... that's his underwear you're wearing. his red boxers that have gone missing- you took it?! ace looks at you, wide eyes as you flush under his gaze.

"told you you'd like it." you smile shyly, dragging his hand towards your leaking clit.

"ah ...hah, and you're calling me a pervert." he gasps breathlessly, a perverted grin crossing his face as he tugs it down.

"I thought you liked my underwear." you fake a frown, swinging your legs over his shoulder and tangling your hands against his hair.

"yeah, yeah." ace replies absentmindedly, too mesmerized by the sight. its so wet, folds glistening in your precum. he watches as it clenches around nothing and the way you start to pant at the intensity of his gaze.

his pride shoots up when he realizes it happened because of him. him. not deuce, not that stupid asshole in your class, him.

"thanks for the meal~" he manages to say. he takes a tentative lick at your cunt, and when you hum, he goes to town.

he grips your thighs, aggressively licking your cunt up and down. you moan, throwing your head back as sinful things spilling out of your mouth like a gospel. ", mmph-!"

he solely focuses on you clit, salivating at your taste. if he had his wits at the moment, he'd compare it to ambrosia, but there's no time for similes when he's got you in front of him.

"taste so good..." he moans, licking your pussy like it's his last meal. absorbed in the pleasure, you grab his hair and push down, moaning out loud.

"yes, yes, harder- ah, god, ahhh, aceee-!" the tension in your stomach snaps, and you cum with a call of his name, pulling his hair and locking his head against your thighs.

the overwhelming pressure causes him to snap too, unwinding as he lolls out his tongue, catching most of your cum.

this is what he's been dreaming off! your cum in him, on him, everything on him!

he breathes hard when you let go, fluids sticking against his face. he happily licks it off, and an idea rings in his head.

you come down from your high and sheepishly apologize. "sorry, I, uh, didn't mean to push you down like that."

ace regards it with a kiss to your thigh. "ah, um-"

"you taste so damn good." ace sighs dreamily, eagerly licking the remaining fluids off you.

"hah- no, wait what about you? you haven't cummed- oh, uhm nevermind." you squeak as he rolls his eyes.

"stupid."

, diving down again, much to your surprise. "wait, ace, I just finished-!"

"I know, I'm just cleaning up~" he replies, licking the insides of your thighs where the cum squirted to.

he slowly moves closer and closer to your pussy, but stops at your cunt, licking until it's 'clean' and he's satisfied, lifting his head in satisfaction.

you both stay silent for a bit, trying to process what just happened. "so, are we, uh...dating?" you cough out after a while.

"d-duh-! I mean, I ate you out and everything, so...!" ace replies just ask awkwardly.

"oh... okay then, it's a deal!" you grin, giving him a hug that makes him topple down the bed.

you cozy up towards him, intertwining your legs together, uncaring if your pussy touches his cock.

"i'm so sleepy..."

"then go to sleep, idiot."

"shut up, pervert."

.

deuce finds you both half-naked and horny the next day, and screams bloody murder.

[clownistyping]

The Neverending Story, 4

Really dived into reader's past with this one. Hope you enjoy uwu.

First

Previous

Next

Cover by @laneygthememequeen

Beetlejuice stands in the living room, scanning the room he sees that the walls are empty. No sign of a personal life. Just empty shelves and dusty side tables. 

"Jeez, they really are boring." He mumbled and took off his damp coat, hanging it on the back of a chair. He inspected the room more, opening and closing drawers. Pocketing some change he knew you could do without. 

Walking down the hallway he passed a single door, but suddenly he felt his spine shiver. Looking back at the door he raised a brow. Grabbing the handle, it didn’t budge. Turning his finger to a key he unlocked and opened the door, it led to stairs that go up, walking up the stairs he reached the attic floor. 

Scanning the premise he smirked, box on top of box. Each box had written a different decade or country. 

“Jack pot.” 

He ripped open a nearby box deemed ‘Japan, edo period’, packing peanuts came flying. In the box was a scroll and a sheathed katana. “Ooo” he opened the scroll, its calligraphy ink was disappearing. Setting it down he unsheathed the katana, he looked at his reflection in it and smiled. 

“Hello handsome.” he smirked and dug deeper into the box. Pulling out another scroll he opened it to reveal an ancient illustration. A samurai stood with his sword and next to him was a figure who covered their face with a fan. The eyes resembles yours and he chuckled, on the bottom was written ‘The immortal and a samurai.’ 

Searching more boxes he found more strange objects; antique photos of you with strangers, vintage objects that had your initials carved in it. From what he’s seen the attic held all evidence of your immortal existence. By the twelfth box he was sweating, there’s still tons more to go. 

“Damn (Y/N), you really are an immortal.” He mumbled with a frown, compared to you he’s pretty pathetic. You’ve been everywhere twice but act as though you’ve lived a simple life. Not saying he’s jealous but his eyes are turning a lil green. 

Beetlejuice was covered in packing peanuts by the end of his exploration, but still he felt unsatisfied. Scanning the room again he noticed behind a pile of books and boxes was a doorknob. 

“How many rooms you got?” He crawled over to the door, knocked the boxes out of the way he grabbed the handle. It didn’t budge. 

“What are you hiding, (Y/N)?” He whispered and peaked in the key hole, the room was dark but he saw a small shine from a chain. Beetlejuice used his key finger and unlocked the small door, crawling into the room. The ceiling squished his hair and he couldn’t go to the left or right, this room definitely wasn’t built for his shape. 

Blindly he searched the small room and found a small chest, wrapped in chains. Pulling the box out of the room with him he groaned. Feeling his back he grumbled that he’s getting too old for this. 

Staring down at the box he tapped it, putting his ear against it, he heard something move inside. He raised a brow, what the hell is in this thing? He tugged the chains but again it didn’t budge, with a sigh he used his finger key to unlock the chains. The chains fell with a loud drop, and he panicked. Looking at the stairs he bit his lip, ‘Please don’t come up please don’t come up.’ It was quiet. 

Looking back at the chest, he slowly opened the chest’s lid. Light beamed from inside and his dark eyes widened, “Holy shit.” he whispered. 

In the chest held a dagger, on the handle was carved ‘Immortal Blade’. It sat on top of a soft velvet pillow. “So this is where you keep your toys?” He smirked and went to grab the blade but once his finger grazed it, he was shocked. 

“Aw fuck!” He yelped holding onto his now tingly hand. 

“Beetlejuice?! Where are you?!” You yelled from downstairs. 

Beetlejuice panicked and suddenly the chest’s lid slammed shut and locked. 

“Oh come on..” he tried to open it again but the chest rumbled in response. Footsteps were heard coming up the stairs and he stood. Trying to hid the chest in packing peanuts, it failed only a few stuck on it. 

“What do you think you’re doing up here?” You glared at the demon who whimpered in response. 

“Uh..spring cleaning?” He laughed nervously as you walked closer to him, your eyes dark. You looked down at the chest behind him and your upper lip raised. 

"You bastard." You growled and lunged towards him, effectively knocking him down over the chest. You sat on his stomach glaring down at him. 

"The attic was locked for a reason!" You yelled and grabbed him by his tie. 

"Look at this mess you made!" You directed over to the crowd of packing peanuts. Beetlejuice chuckled nervously.

"Damn ya sexy when ya pissed" he winked and you cringed, getting off of his chest. Looking down at the chest you sighed. 

"Did you open it?" You asked as you squatted to check the chest. With a small laugh he nodded. 

"Kinda? It closed itself though." He said and sat up. 

"What is that thing anyways? A cool knife to stab your enemies?" He asked and you sighed. 

"Not exactly." You opened the chest and took out the dagger. 

"It's the immortal blade. Created by the first ever immortal, made to kill other immortals." You pointed the dagger at him, "Only immortals can handle the blade." 

"Ever used it?" He asked but then blinked "wait there's more of ya?" 

You nodded "lots more of immortals, but only two daggers." You stayed quiet for a second. 

"I've only used it once." You whispered but he still heard you. You tighten your grip on the handle as you remember a memory from centuries ago. 

Rough panting was heard from the dark alleyway, you yelped as a knife was thrusted towards you. The candles street light flickered in the dark, the cobblestone streets were covered in blood. It's the Victorian era, and you're being attacked by a bloodthirsty immortal. 

"Fuck!" You dodged the dagger with your hand but it managed to slice your hand. Blood splattered onto the man who held the dagger. 

"I will be the only one!" He screeched and lunged at you again, the dagger scratched against your shoulder and you punched the man in the face. 

"Stop it! What's wrong with you!?" You seethed in pain, the man held his bloody nose. 

"You are inferior! I will be the only immortal!" He panted and ran towards you, swiping the knife you dodged and he ran past you. You managed to kick his knees in and he collapsed onto the ground. 

Stepping onto his back you heard a crack, snatching the dagger you were panting as your blood dripped onto him. The man groaned under you, trying to grab your ankle you kick his head. He groans again and you look down at the blade. 

"What is this?" The man coughed up blood onto the cobblestone. 

"The immortal blade." He mumbled and you lifted him by his shirt, leaning him against the wall. 

"It can only." He coughed again "kill immortals" he grabbed your wrist and pulled you closer. 

"Immortals like you." Your eyes widened. 

"How did you know that?!" You asked and put the dagger against his neck, he chuckled. 

"You've left your mark everywhere, for centuries I've seen you everywhere." He continued. 

"You're foolish, leaving evidence of your existence in every country. I'm surprised you weren't killed earlier." He spat his rotten blood in your face and you cringed. 

"I will never be found." You seethed as you sliced the man's neck open with the blade. 

Shivering as you held the blade you looked up at the demon, who in return smiled at you. 

"Flashback?" He chuckled and you looked away in embarrassment. 

"Just get out of my attic…" 

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

TAG LIST

@if-youd-be-my-soft-fuzzy-man @dunununun @theannonomusgamblerpt2 @laneygthememequeen @zelda2248 @anamoshigirl @obsessed-librarian @randomfanders-blog @holy-fucking-shit @juni-berries @rallsa @ladylensveracity @lokischesthair @vivienex13 @ah-callie @1-rosewiththorns @apocalypseillustrate @a-fan-fighting-for-equality @westiefromtheeast @buggbeverage

[empvsa]

❝ she smelled like road dust, and honey, and the smell the air holds seconds before a heavy summer rain. ❞

— bibbidi, bobbidi, boo  !  the sound of ocean waves crashing against a beach at night, the soundtrack of “amélie” playing in the next room, and laughter so strong you feel it in your stomach. here comes prudence “prue” turner ( helena howard ), the montréal, québec born vampire. usually, when the nineteen / sixty year old cis woman comes around, you can hear full circle by half moon run playing loudly over the radio. not only that, but i heard they tolerate the pureblood monarchy.

♡ CHARACTER PARALLELS — Vivienne ( The Folk of the Air ) + Theta Knight ( The Diviners ) + Bart Simpson ( The Simpsons ) + Jack Sparrow ( Pirates of the Caribbean ) + Phoebe Buffay ( F.R.I.E.N.D.S. ) + Juno MacGuff ( Juno ) + Luna Lovegood ( Harry Potter ) + Lilo ( Lilo & Stitch ) + Peter Pan ( Peter Pan ) + Anna ( Frozen )

☾ if you’d like to plot, please like this post and i’ll dm you asap !

ABOUT PAGE + CONNECTIONS + PINTEREST BOARD

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Drugs, obsessive kind of “love”.

( DRUGS MENTION )She was born in Montréal at the end of the fifties. She was a teen in the seventies, and took full advantage of it. Sex, drugs and rock&roll; she did it all. She especially loved music, and started working at the record store closest to her home as soon as she turned sixteen and her parents accepted to let her work. 

She breathed music. Loved helping customers finding little gems they wouldn’t have discovered otherwise, and loved trying to guess a customer’s favourite genre as soon as they came in, going as far as betting on it with other employees. She won most of the time.

When she saw her enter the record store, one night in March 1978, she fell head over heels. The other woman may have seemed a few years older, but Prue still fell hard, and fast. Prue hadn’t followed the whole pureblood thing too closely; what with caring mostly (and almost only) about music, but it was clear that she wasn’t human. Long story short, two weeks later, Prue was a vampire, and the woman had vanished without leaving a trace.

( OBSESSIVE KIND OF “LOVE” ) Prue scoured the city for her. Then the country. Then, the States. Finally, she ended up settling down in New Orleans. She was tired of looking, tired of being so pathetically in love, and mostly, she hoped that if she stayed in one place, she’d have a bigger chance of seeing the other woman again. Truly, she knew nothing about her, but she still felt in love. It was unhealthy, especially considering the fact that she had barely gotten to know the older woman back then, but Prue couldn’t help it.

Prue is, to put it lightly, a chaotic disaster. She loves music, and that’s probably the most constant thing about her. Though she may be kind of stuck in the seventies, fashion-wise, she actually loves new music just as much as she loves old music. She also strongly loves a few movies, including Le Fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain, Moulin Rouge, Across the Universe & Rocketman. Basically, quite musical movies. Still, they’re literally the only movie she watches.

Her bloodlust is............ Unpredictable. It’s always there, but how she controls it highly depends on her moods, which are easily changeable. She changes from one mood to another in a matter of second, and that makes everything about her unpredictable.

Loves pleasure above all, to be honest. Well, music first, actually. Then, pleasure. Though music does bring her pleasure, so... Anyway! Loves being happy, loves having fun, loves laughing, and loves creating chaos. She loves feeling free, and is therefore a bit “yikes” at vampires often being the purebloods’ soldiers, like....... She does NOT like being told what to do, not even a little bit. However, she’s like? Not against the whole thing either? She just wants a lot of freedom, but not enough to be mad about it all.

Can seem a bit....... Intense, at times? She’s either too intense, or too careless. There’s pretty much no in between when it comes to her. 

Bisexual af (like all my charas, to be honest, because I am whomst I am).

Lowkey misses her family; her parents are still alive, and so are her siblings, but doesn’t want to expose them to how and what she is. Like, she used to be a bit odd, but it’s a whole new set of weird now. 

At the moment, she’s the main guitarist of a tiny lil vampire band that’s just starting out, and they’re mostly doing covers at the moment, though they’re also slowly working on their own stuff.

I recommend glancing at her about page tbh for some lil details? To be completely honest, it’s a lil stats page more than it is an about page.

[earwaxinggibbous]

10 Worst Hits of 2018!

I hate the 2018 hit list.

I hate all the artists we brought back. I hate all the new ones we got. I hate the fact that Lil Peep kicked the bucket without getting on the hot 100 but XXXfuckassaton got three hits. I hate that nothing off of Kamikaze reached the year end hot 100 despite it being one of the only good hip-hop albums that dropped this year. I hate that we’re all alive and that Tumblr has banned porn. But life goes on.

Bad hit songs. Bing bang boom.

Fair warning, I’m gonna be hitting a lot of trigger topics including abuse, pedophilia and rape.

10. Lucid Dreams - Juice WRLD

Before I say anything, can I just point out that ‘Juice WRLD’ is one of the absolute worst rap names I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

Anyway, Lucid Dreams.

I feel like rap music has been having a lot of sad pathetic break-up songs lately. And this won’t be the last one, absolutely not. Pretty much everything about Lucid Dreams, much like a seizing, dying epileptic old man, is wriggling and frothing uselessly in a puddle of its own filth. With nothing to do but choke out on a mouthful of blood it can only try to scream weakly through a pool of foamy spit that’s settling towards the back of its throat. It’s sad in the same way that ASPCA commercials are sad, as opposed to how a good break-up song feels.

As Juice WRLD brokely copies the beat of Lil Uzi Vert’s smash hit XO Tour Llif3 from last year, and also randomly samples a song by Sting, he stumbles weakly through lyric after insipid lyric that sounds like it was written by a 13-year-old. I tried to find an example of specific bad lyrics but holy shit, I’d honestly be better off just putting the lyric genius page here, complete with verified translations of this lyrical xanax binge from our boy Juice WRLD himself.

It’s a break-up song, but it’s as whiny as one can get. With Juice WRLD claiming “evil girls have the prettiest face” (gag) and insisting the girl in this song “wants him dead”. His whimpery vocals don’t help any part of this droning septic tank that I can only describe as the closest similarity we’ll ever get between a song and the pokemon Muk.

Even the music video is just a shittier version of XO Tour Llif3, and while it’s honestly more interesting than the other 75% of rap videos, what does it really add? I can only imagine that whoever was directing it realized this song has literally nothing going for it other than the possibility that stoners and pill-poppers will mistake it for XO Tour Llif3 if they’re high enough and threw in some surrealist imagery with the excuse being that, well, it’s titled Lucid Dreams. 

Really the most egregious thing about this song is that, in the lyric genius page, Juice WRLD goes on some tangent about how popping pills isn’t cool and he was popping pills “before it was cool” and now kids are doing it. Hey Hi-C, you know these kids look up to people like you, right? Why not actually make a song about how doing drugs is bad instead of just offhandedly mentioning how you used to pop pills to, quote, “feel a-okay”? Not that I’m assuming you ever thought of that when you were writing this, most likely dosed up on a gallon of cough syrup.

Then again, I dunno if I wanna be preached to by the man who wrote a song titled All Girls Are The Same.

A lot of songs this year were underwritten and boring. Lucid Dreams isn’t the worst offender, but it’s definitely the saddest. And I don’t think it was sad the way ol’ Juicy Juice was intending. Personally, I’d rather just drink the kool-aid.

Blurgh... Muk cannot change you... Muk must replace you...

9. Meant to Be - Bebe Rexha ft. Florida Georgia Line

Is it bad that I honestly wasn’t sure who was the feature and who was the headline of this song?

Anyway, here we have Florida Georgia Line returning for another year of meathead bro-country crap and Bebe Rexha returning for another year of having literally no personality whatsoever with a song that has so little substance it may as well just be air.

I’ve never really extrapolated my thoughts on Bebe, mostly because she’s a complete and utter non-presence in every track she appears on. I honestly didn’t even realize she had a music career of her own, I felt like she just existed to feature on everyone else’s shitty music. What the hell is she gonna sing about besides the damn factory she was built in?

I’ve also never extrapolated my thoughts on Florida Georgia Line.

Here’s what I’m imagining their brains look like:

Yeah. So a combination between two walking cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a literal sex robot. What can go wrong? Well. Everything.

With a title like Meant to Be, you’d think it’s about running screaming into a relationship because you know it’s gonna work. Not so, as it’s actually about staying relaxed in a relationship. We got time, right? At least that’s what like, 75% of it is about that.

Bebe seems more than ready to rush in and get sloppy, but you think Florida Georgia Line are 100% ready to enter a steady relationship with a dead person? I wouldn’t be.

The production is just a piano and some sad trap drums, so basically every other Florida Georgia Line song. It has nothing going for it other than maybe masturbating to the music video and Bebe’s sweet, sweet inflatable titties trying desperately to crawl their way out of her country girl flannel.

And that’s really it.

You tried.

(Or did you?)

8. Friends - Marshmello ft. Anne-Marie

Aww! They’re so cute.

Marshmello is kind of a cryptid to me. I never really understood the whole trend of producers and DJs wearing these weird things on their head. And part of me, well, all of me feels like Marshmello rides purely on quirkiness alone.

Look at him! He’s so wacky!

The production on this isn’t bad per se, other than this high-pitched squeal they drop into the final chorus, but it’s definitely not great and kinda has me wondering why Marshmello is basically producer of the year despite not doing anything much more interesting than all the other producers. At best he has a little bit more energy behind him.

Anne-Marie has apparently, allegedly existed before this year, but I have literally no recollection of any song by her. But if this song is anything to go by, she’s annoying and sucks.

Friends touts itself as “the friendzone anthem” and tries to be relatable to teenage girls who’ve had to friendzone a boy, and if I had to guess this is sort of in response to all the friendzone songs from 2016 like Treat You Better. This would be fine except 1. you’re two years late, 2. nobody wants to hear a friendzone anthem and 3. this song is the highest level of cuntiness anyone can comprehend.

Here’s the thing about the concept of the friendzone. Nobody sits around wanting to friendzone people. Nobody is chilling in their bedroom with their friends wishing they could have a friend who has a crush on them and then that friend is like “I like you” so they can be like “uhh we’re just friends”.

Which is why we don’t really need an anthem for it.

The friendzone sucks. It’s not even a real problem, dudes just make it a problem because apparently being friends isn’t good enough for them. Nobody wants to have a friend who’s crushing on them, nobody’s happy about that. And the catty Mean Girls tone that Anne-Marie takes to it makes it seem like she’s a strong independent woman trouncing on the hearts of men like some kind of TERF horse when really nobody feels that way when having to “friendzone” a person.

Plus judging by the lyrics, this guy is showing up at 2 AM in the rain. At some point you need to stop being friends when he starts obsessively stalking you, maybe a few words to consider would be R-E-S-T-R-A-I-N-I-N-G O-R-D-E-R.

Women have the right to see their male friends as just that. But nobody is proud of having to do it. It’s not a point of pride, it’s just a choice people make, like what shirt they wanna wear in the morning. Trying to sell it as some kind of bootleg female empowerment anthem is pathetic.

Also I swear to god she spells friends as “F-R-I-N-D-S” in the chorus.

“We’re just frinds, Deadmau5.”

7. Yes Indeed - Lil Baby and Drake

Who the good god damn is Lil Baby? I’d never actually heard of him until someone in my music history class gave us a presentation on Lil Baby and how cool he is. I’d literally never heard of the guy before, because I never really listen to any of these hits until the end of the year.

Turns out Lil Baby is just another mumble-rapper, this time jacking his style from Young Thug. Color me surprised, I guess. How come none of the mumble rappers I actually like came back this year? No Desiigner, no Lil Uzi Vert, no Lil Xan? No. Fuck you. You get Juice WRLD and Lil Baby, two of the worst rap names on the planet.

He’s on the list of rappers made famous by Drake, and Drake had a monster year this year. Even with me living in a hole I knew the impact God’s Plan had, but apparently all 25 of his crummy songs charted at some point. That is 25 monotonous Drake songs circulating through the radio stations, 25 Drake songs constantly weighing on the shoulders of the collective public, and 25 Drake songs even his detractors probably knew all the words to just through exposure. Even I’m sick of the guy, and I have Hotline Bling on my Google Play Music library.

Yes Indeed is honestly void of things to say about it. Drake is boring, Lil Baby has one of the worst voices in recent history I can think of, the beat is nothing, it’s just a nothing song. The only noteworthy thing about it is that Lil Baby references Pikachu, a big mistake, as Young Thug also referenced Pikachu on one of his first hits. Though I’ll admit a yellow car has more similarities to the electric mouse pokemon than diamonds do.

What bothers me about this song is less the song itself, as the song is a non-presence, but moreso that in a world where streaming has finally seeped its way into the Hot 100, we have come to the conclusion that this is what people want to hear. They wanna hear Yes Indeed. And I just don’t get it.

Also, “waah waah waah, bitch I’m a baby”. High art.

6. Te Bote - A whole shitload of people

I feel like Spanish reggaeton has been an on-and-off interest of the American public. But it really reached a head recently thanks to Despacito, which all Alexa memes aside, is a great fucking song. But the fruits of its labor have been less than impressive, from last year’s goat-screeching jam Mi Gente to whatever the hell this is.

It’s nice knowing that foreigners write music as shitty as we do.

The title, Te Bote, roughly translates to “I dump you”. But it can be read much harsher in Spanish as bote is often the verb people use to describe tossing out garbage. And boy, is this song... uh... you know.

I don’t like to barf out the word “misogyny” constantly just because, well, anything can be misogynistic if you look deep enough. There’s a point where even I, the ratty little feminist I am, just don’t care. But Jesus, referring to your woman as garbage in the most backhanded way is... wow.

But I’ll be honest, being an English speaking moron, I don’t care about the lyrics. My problems run much deeper than blatant misogyny and pettiness.

Namely that this song sounds like ass.

Te Bote has six artists on it. Six artists, and not a single one sounds good. Most of them are squealy. I don’t actually know who’s who except Ozuna and Bad Bunny. Ozuna is considered one of the worst Spanish artists of today, and I can see why, because he just straight-up sounds like the lovechild of Akon and Lloyd.

As for Bad Bunny, I was slightly more drawn in by him because he looks like a cross between Blackbear and Pitbull, and I dunno if he’s dropped any other better singles, but on this he straight-up sounds like Barney the Dinosaur. Not as much as Lil Yachty, but still. Most of the others sound like autotuned mice, but there’s one guy who tries some kind of low-voiced speed-rapping and it sounds weird and wrong. The production is nothing notable, and uses the bum, bum-bum drumline of literally every reggaeton and Spanish pop song including Despacito.

And I could forgive all of that.

But let’s look at this for a moment. Each artist has their own verse. That’s six verses. Six verses plus five choruses, one pre-chorus, an intro and an outro. And how much does that add up to?

Nearly seven minutes.

Seven minutes of the same beat. Seven minutes of basically the same kinds of singers. Seven minutes of misogynistic lyrics. Seven minutes of garbage, garbage, garbage. Imagine listening to this whole thing. There are people on this earth who have actually sat through this whole garbage song multiple times and thought, “yeah. I like this.” 

I mean of course Te Bote barely got any radio play, it’s nearly 7 minutes long with no breaks. So obviously some massive group of people had to be streaming it and listening to it by choice.

5. Taste - Tyga ft. Offset

Remember Tyga? He was one of the Young Money rappers that didn’t completely fall off after the 2000′s, along with Nikki Minaj and Drake. But after he put out $timulated, a song about how he fucked a 17-year-old Kylie Jenner but, in the words of Slim Shady, “look at her bush: do it got hair?”

we all dropped him, because that’s fucking gross. Kylie Jenner dumped him and is now dating someone else, I forget who because I don’t care. And with us having to deal with 6ix9ine I was comfortable leaving Tyga in the wastelands. 

Honestly? The only reason this song is even here is because it’s a return Tyga single. I’m not even mad about Freaky Friday, because like, whatever, it made me laugh like a stupid idiot, but this? We asked for this. A Tyga single in 2018, about nothing, with a nothing beat, and Offset still bragging that he’s the best member of Migos when that’s like being the twinkiest member of One Direction. And once again, people actively wanted to hear this song about nothing in a year full of songs about nothing that, at the very least aren’t by pedophiles.

I don’t even wanna talk about this anymore.

4. I’m Upset - Drake

Me fucking too.

Like I said, Drake dropped 25 songs on his new album Scorpion, and all of them became hits. The worst of which, in my opinion, being I’m Upset. Just look at that title. That’s how your father talks to you when you slam a window open with a baseball and he walks through the glass shards. 

This one has backstory, my favorite, longtime rival Pusha-T stated in some song that Drake actually had a secret child with a porn star and was planning on using that kid for like, an Adidas sponsorship or something. Which is fucked up. And at least part of that has been confirmed on Drake’s end, he did have a secret son with a porn star.

And then Scorpion and I’m Upset dropped. And it sucked. All of it.

The chorus of I’m Upset is weirdly catchy, but the beat is like every other Drake beat, Drake himself sounds about as upset as he can convey, which is very little, and it’s all just really really boring soundwise. When Drake goes on for long enough he begins to just sound like a bunch of bees. Bees, bees, bees, nothing but bees. And I’m tired of Drake bees! I’m sick of it! I don’t want anymore!

Anyway, lyrically the gist of I’m Upset is about how Drake doesn’t like paying alimony, and NO.

BAD DRAKE! BAD! BAD RAPPER! GO TO YOUR ROOM!

You do not get to be a world-famous rapper with fuckillions of dollars to your name and get to whine and bitch about paying alimony to your baby mama. You don’t get to roll on the floor whimpering about how your evil harpy whore of a porn star one-night-stand is (legally) receiving money from you to take care of the son that YOU ditched. 

You had 25 hits this year. 25. And you’re getting pissy because you have to pay and I quote fifty to a hundred thousand dollars child support. For you that should be nothing. You are practically drowning in money, and if you really don’t wanna pay child support you could, I dunno, raise your goddamn son instead of leaving him in the hands of someone who probably barely makes a fraction in a year of what you make in a month?

Look, say what you want about Eminem. At least he was a good father on record, and if he isn’t a good one in real life I’ll be very very shocked.

I’m upset too, Drake.

3. Roll in Peace - Kodak Black ft. XXXTENTACION

I fUCKING HATE KODAK BLACK

Might wanna consider writing stuff down, Kodes.

May I call you Kodes?

Anyway, Roll In Peace is the only song on this list that isn’t ACTUALLY in the Year End Hot 100, but I couldn’t just let it slide. Not when it’s a collab beween Kodak Black and XXX. Not when it sounds like ass and feels like being shot.

If Drake sounds like bees then Kodak sounds like mosquitos, right in your ear, in the deepest parts that can only be reached by one of those earwax slurping tools. The beat has that flute again, probably because it’s half of what made Tunnel Vision famous. (The other half being controversy of course.) X’s verse has like, two lines to do with the actual plot of this song. And what is the plot?

Oh, poor pitiful Kodak can’t roll in peace. Poor Kodak Black can’t have any time to himself! The media is just all over him and X for no reason whatsoever! He’s never done anything wrong, other than, oh I don’t know, the rape allegations? The abuse? Armed robbery? Assault? That one time X nearly killed a gay dude in prison for no reason other than the gay part?

Yeah, fuck you.

You can’t “roll in peace” because you don’t have the right to anymore. You are a bad person. And X, when he was alive, was a bad person too. Sure maybe he was claiming to be working on self-improvement, but the only way I’d believe it is if I saw it, and it’s too late for that now.

As long as you refuse to apologize, you will not “roll in peace”. As long as you don’t see that you have done something wrong and continue to blame it on systemic racism which is a very real thing that you continue to trivialize again and again so you can avoid your rape allegations, you aren’t allowed to have any peace in your goddamn fucking life.

You can’t try to deflect it on Lil Uzi who posts Satanic imagery on his Instagram despite wearing a Jesus piece. You don’t get to deflect. You get nothing, and you deserve to go broke and fuck off.

There’s a joke I can make, but it’s too soon.

2. Gummo - 6ix9ine

Oh, okay, I can do this.

Uh, Gummo is this really good movie directed by Harmony Korine about some kids in this town that was totally wrecked by a tornado. And after that everything’s in shambles, so these kids can just do whatever they wa...

Oh. Oh dammit.

GOD IS DEAD GOD IS DEAD GOD IS DEAD.

So imagine you’re me looking at the Hot 100 for one of the very first times about a year ago, and you see a song titled after one of your favorite flicks of all time. And sure, it’s being sung by a guy who looks like a Lisa Frank condom, but god you just love that movie so much. And sure, Nicole Dollanganger has already made songs referencing that movie, but you want MORE.

Then you play it and it has literally nothing to do with it.

It’s loud and obnoxious and stupid and has a very clearly hispanic dude dropping the n-word like he fucking owns it. He’s just screaming these nonsense lyrics about nothing. And it’s not like I just don’t get songs with screaming. I have the entirety of Carcass’ Reek of Putrefaction on my phone. But this? This sucks. It sucks! The beat doesn’t fit at all and no matter how I look at it it wouldn’t fit anywhere else, and 6ix9ine’s flow is the death of all art. The only thing he can do, much like a child in a well, is scream and scream and scream and it’s horrible.

And trust me.

This was far before I knew of 6ix9ine’s baggage.

In case you don’t know somehow, this Rainbow Brite little fucker was actually convicted of filming a sex tape of a 13-year-old. While I don’t think he actually had sex with her, he was at some level sexually involved with her.

How did we respond? We gave the ugly fucker a hit. And his hit was this. Where he directly references his sexual involvement with this 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

He doesn’t give a shit. And he knows his fans don’t either. He continues to release low-effort garbage music, and in an interview about FEFE he even openly stated that he doesn’t put any effort into writing lyrics. He doesn’t try, he’s a bad person, and his blind fanbase continues to shower him in money like he deserves it. 

We’re idiots.

An awful song made by an awful person. The only way to hold a candle to it would be, well, an even worse song made by an awful person.

Anyway, dishonorable mentions.

FEFE - 6ix9ine ft. Nikki Minaj

This song sucks too. And Nikki Minaj should be ashamed for working with this fuckhead.

God’s Plan - Drake

I’m almost definitely a minority in absolutely loathing this song, but I can’t stand it. It’s not structured, there’s no flow to it, it just feels like a whole lot of nothing with no point. And while I will give it to Drake that throwing money at homeless people is a really good thing regardless of why he did it, it was still a super obvious publicity stunt.

Plug Walk - Rich The Kid

Boring.

Girls Like You - Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B

Also boring. My tolerance for Maroon 5 has lasted way longer than anyone else’s, but I think it’s about time we let them go.

I Like Me Better - Lauv

I’ll be honest, the only part of this song I really hate is the weird synth interludes. The singing is fine, the content is fine, it’s all the perfect level of mediocre without that violin fart synth. 

No Brainer - The ‘I’m The One’ crew, but we replaced Wayne with an actual baby

Really just an even less interesting version of I’m The One, but without Li’l Wayne. Also Justin Bieber kind of looks like a trucker now, and I hate to say it, but that’s the most attractive he’s ever been in my opinion.

Freaky Friday - Li’l Dicky ft. Chris Brown

I’ll be honest, I actually love this song. It’s funny to me, I mean, maybe I’m a simple-minded man, but a good dick joke can send me off the rails. But I’m still at least a little miffed that we’re letting Chris Brown have money, so it gets a mention.

Gucci Gang - Li’l Pump

It would be here if it wasn’t also a hit last year. Consider this a placeholder for any crossover hits I didn’t like, like Mi Gente, Perfect, Believer, and Sorry Not Sorry.

Let’s do number one. And if you know me, you know what this is. If you don’t, don’t just immediately get pissed with me when you read it. Okay? We’re good here? Alright.

1. SAD! - XXXTENTACION

So here’s a fun little sobstory for you. Less than a year ago, my boyfriend introduced me to this great artist. They were in a really oversaturated genre but doing something completely different with it, and I fell in love immediately with their dark topics, interesting production, cool music videos, and general aesthetic. And their name was not XXXTENTACION, it was Melanie Martinez.

Late last year she was pressed with a rape allegation, and one that couldn’t be proved either way. Desperately I scraped through the bowels of the internet in search of something that could disprove it and came back largely empty-handed and wounded. Because Melanie’s music meant a lot to me, and I do mean that. I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t sure what to do knowing that a person I’d based my own aesthetic, my own writing, my art, and my music on would do something like that. I tried to force myself not to listen to her music, but it just wasn’t possible. 

Over time the wound scabbed up and closed and I finally gave up and decided to split the art from the artist, feeling like at the very least I wasn’t directly giving her any money by downloading her music on Google Play. But I’ll still never be able to get back the way she used to make me feel.

So what I’m saying is, I get it.

I’ve actually gone and listened to a few of X’s songs on my own before doing this. And I put myself in the mind of me a year ago discovering a new artist without those preconceptions. And I felt it. I don’t know how, but I did. I felt it. I listened to Look At Me, and I felt like if I’d heard it before I knew what X had done, I’d probably love it. Sure the production is a fucking disaster but the lyrics are just the kind of shock rap that entertains me. The production on Moonlight is really interesting and while I didn’t think Changes was very good and kind of guilt trippy, I could definitely understand it.

But then I circled back around to SAD!

And I lost it.

Something about this song just kills all the good will I might have ever had for this kid or his fans. And really it’s all because of one line, and everyone probably knows what that line is already.

So according to lyric genius this line might not actually mean what I think it means and could potentially be referring to X’s friend Jocelyn Flores, who took her own life tragically. And though on X’s song about her and every time he addresses her he seems to make it all about himself, he really did seem wounded by it. He seemed like a wounded, mentally fucked-up person who needed help.

Except that this song is about Geneva.

The girlfriend he allegedly abused.

The girlfriend who was pregnant, who he abused, and judging by this line, who he is now performing the age-old manipulation tactic of threatening suicide if she ever leaves on. 

When I remove this song from context, there’s no way of excusing that line. The rest of it I can understand, and he really does seem emotional in the verses, and I know we’ve all been in a place at some point of being somehow spurned by a lover and still missing them in spite of it. But to threaten suicide if they try to leave is inexcusable.

His voice sounds fine, and the beat is once again stolen from XO Tour Llif3, but there’s a point where I can’t really care about it. Because children do listen to this kind of music. And along with Melanie Martinez, this song brings me back to when I was young and one of my favorite songs was What The Hell by Avril Lavigne. A song about cheating on your S/O and not seeing a problem with it. My sister and I would sing and dance to that song all the time, so much that I never really realized what it was about, or that there was anything wrong with it. Not until I was an adult and I looked back on it. And wouldn’t you know it, children can sing along to SAD! too.

I know X is dead. And I know it’s not my business to dictate how people should feel about things. Geneva deserves the right to be sad about X’s death, and she forgives him, even though I really don’t. But the way people have treated her especially after X died is inexcusable, and it’s in part because he wrote songs like this. He didn’t just manipulate her. He manipulated everyone. Every single one of his fans probably really did think he would kill himself if his girlfriend left her. And yes, X is on record having thoughts of suicide, I would never take that from someone.

I used to have a close friend who would feign a panic attack every time someone criticized him. It felt like he was threatening suicide once a week. And I always supported him because I cared about him. It was exhausting. I ostracized people because they knew he was a bad person. I shut people, good people, out of my life because they wanted to help, and I said bad things to them. Eventually we fell out and I was left cold and alone with nobody left to take me back, and I slugged through mud for a year just to pick myself back up.

I can imagine that’s kind of what being an XXXTENTACION fan is like.

And like me, with any luck, they’ll regret saying the things they did too.

That’s all for this year. I’ll get to the best when I have more energy, but now I just can’t.

[mmmmbop]

songs that would have been really big while jack + kent were in juniors -- or at least in high school -- and that make me feel way too emo:

you and me by lifehouse (there’s a 100% chance that kent hardcore associated this song with jack)

beverly hills by weezer...... PLEASE.....

my humps. like. if you don’t think that kent dedicated this song to jack’s ass, idk what to tell u.

jack might pretend to be completely unaware of pop culture, but he also sang the entirety of jesse mccartney’s beautiful soul to kent one time. he just wanted to see kent blush, but he kind of meant every word.

one of the first times they kissed was after a party where they’d been looking at each other with gut-churning levels of sexual tension as rihanna’s sos blared around them

lips of an angel by hinder 😞 😞

when stickwitu by the pussycat dolls comes on the car radio, kent turns the volume WAY up but says nothing

speaking of car radios, jack will always hate the song jesus take the wheel bc every time it came on when kent was driving, kent would close his eyes, put his hands in the air, and dramatically sing along for 5 seconds or so while jack had to steer from the passenger seat. [kent: lmao u should have seen your face. jack: we could have died kenny. also jack: and your eyes were closed how could you even see my face..]

kent flirts so hard with jack at parties whenever beep by the pussycat dolls is playing. totally as a “””joke.””” jack really likes that song.

when kent remembers that he should probably flirt with girls once in a while (he’s gay as hell so sometimes he forgets) there’s something about the song buy u a drank that gives him that extra push. jack really hates that song.

GIRLFRIEND BY AVRIL LAVIGNE 🙌🙌

kent trying to teach jack the soulja boy dance.......

kent LOVES miley’s see you again; he’s always singing it with this dorky flirtatious energy that jack thinks is really cute. (after he beats jack at one-on-one, kent makes up his own lyrics, leading up to: “i can’t wait... to beat you again” and that actually really pisses jack off, oops)

don’t talk to me ever about how cheesy kent gets when he listens to avril’s keep holding on, esp. when he’s worried about jack’s anxiety/using but doesn’t really Get It

jack never told kent this, but the great escape by boys like girls always made him think about running away together, at least for the weekend

speaking of jack being cheesy, it’s 7 AM and they’re spooning in kent’s bed; kent’s phone starts playing music for his alarm but it’s actually the weekend, so kent falls back asleep and lets the music keep playing. when the song switches to love story, jack feels indescribably soft, and he stares at kent’s face, nuzzling his nose into kent’s shoulder and smelling him even though he knows it’s weird.

kent is ready to go (in BED) when shut up and drive is playing. jack doesn’t really understand why, but he’s not gonna complain or anything.

on that note..... justin timberlake’s lovestoned 🔥🔥🔥 (fire here representing jack when kent gets going)

jack will always feel an irritated fondness for bleeding love; kent would always purposely annoy him by singing it in a wispy high-pitched voice

kent knows all the words to no air by jordin sparks. (cries to it later, but that’s a different story)

jack really does fall in love when kent’s dancing to forever by chris br*wn at a party

OKAY so kent “seriously” (lol) promises jack that he’ll learn to play guitar just so he can play jason mraz’s i’m yours for him, and he borrows a teammate’s guitar and just starts strumming with the most ridiculously bad, random chords; jack joins in by supplying the vocals, except he only knows 1/5 of the words. they both remain completely straight-faced the whole time & their teammates die laughing

sometimes kent gets really mad at jack and is too angry to even say anything when jack acts like he doesn’t care, so he just blasts hot n cold to make a Point

jack really doesn’t get it.... “oh there’s that song kent likes. he sure likes that song”

once in awhile kent changes jack’s morning alarm to the numa numa song. kent wakes up early JUST so he can watch jack’s face when he’s woken to the sound of “my a-hee, my a-ha, my a-hoo, my a-ha-ha” and he CACKLES

i can’t even put into words how obnoxious they are when got money comes on

one time when kent falls down during practice and takes a little longer than usual to get up, jack skates over. kent looks up and says, “do - do - do you got a first aid kit handy?” and jack just gives him a Disgusted Look but damaged becomes a meme for sure

jack thinks in the ayer is the stupidest song in the world (kent loves it, obviously; he thinks flo rida is a “musical genius”) and sometimes when a completely different song comes on in the car, he taps kent on the shoulder, gets his attention, and says, “oh hot damn, this is my jam” in a conversational tone. little shit.

kent feels warm and soft when he hears one step at a time.

i will literally cry if i think too hard about crush by david archuleta and the Feelings it inspired in both kent AND jack before they got together (although lets be real, jack only knew this song in the first place bc of kent)

the first time kent hears teardrops on my guitar, before he and jack were together, he briefly considers feeling sad about jack, but decides that’s too pathetic. (unfortunately, this resolution doesn’t stay in place after the draft.)

kent thinks it’s funny to make the gasping/sexual sounds from britney’s piece of me when he’s alone with jack -- like, plopping down on his lap, leaning in, and just making those noises in his ear. jack thinks it’s funny until kent starts trying this during sex. (jack: ....oh hot damn, this is my jam. kent: ok truce)

sometimes when jack keeps talking to kent and asking him to hang out, kent starts singing “why you so obsessed with me??” to make their friends laugh, and it’s a joke, but it hurts jack’s feelings

jack unironically loves gavin degraw...... the 10th time kent walks in on him listening to in love with a girl, he needs to lie down and do some serious thinking about his taste in guys

poker face..... POKER FACE... i can’t even begin to describe how much kent loves this song, or how much jack loves the way it makes kent get a lil frisky

jack can never tell kent that he likes the song right round, because he’s already too committed to disliking flo rida

gives you hell........... ouch

jack always smiles when he hears down by jay sean, mostly because he’ll never be able to hear the lil wayne rap without remembering kent rapping along in the locker room

kent is always listening to britney’s circus. jack hates it unreasonably and glares at him until kent changes the song. (this only works half the time. the other half, kent just turns it up)

jack has probably heard kent yell��“TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND, IF HE SAYS HE’S GOT BEEF, THAT I’M A VEGETARIAN AND I AIN’T FUCKING SCARED OF HIM” like 93 times

fire burning is playing at a party. the whole team is dancing & kent manages to get jack on the dance floor. his dancing is atrocious and he knows it, but he can see that kent is trying to hide how turned on he is, and that’s all that really matters.

jack actually knows every word to taylor swift’s you belong with me, just because kent was OBSESSED with it for 2 months straight. he will literally never be able to hear the song without seeing kent’s smiles and stupid fake drum solos in the car.

kent tries to get jack to have sex with him to the song lovegame, but jack can’t stop laughing every time he hears “disco stick” so that’s a no-go

(kent likes the song waking up in vegas even though it makes him feel kinda sad for no particular reason)

they have an ongoing “debate” about how kent hates country and jack likes it. when kent earnestly makes a case for tswift’s our song being THEIR song, jack makes fun of him for liking a country song instead of taking him seriously, and while kent might roll his eyes and play it off as no big deal, that hurts his feelings more than he will ever admit.

in their hotel room at 1:30 AM. one time by justin bieber is playing. kent is lying on his back, singing along and doing a stupid lil dance where he moves his arms and legs around in the air without sitting up. jack is staring at him and feels like he’ll just fall over, so he interrupts kent’s singing by kneeling over him and pressing their lips together. (this is actually their first kiss and it’s not like they’d be able to tell anyone about it in the first place, but they REALLY won’t tell anyone it was to a justin bieber song)

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, 3.18.2017

this week: lorde’s back!; the oxford comma as indicator of song quality; requiem for “Run Up,” the song only i like

28) "Stay," by Zedd & Alessia Cara

I dunno. I kept just kinda wishing the song would actually be "Closer," by The Chainsmokers ft./Halsey, instead of this acceptable "Closer" substitute. It didn't hit me the same way even "It Ain't Me" did a couple weeks back. There's nothing here. It's a sad song executed with competency, nothing more, possibly something less. Honestly, it exited my mind while I was typing this.

34) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos

OH MY GOODNESS I DIDN'T KNOW FRANK OCEAN AND MIGOS KNEW HOW TO BE THIS BREEZY. This song kind of sounds like the first time either party has had anything like fun in years. It's almost like they've grown unfamiliar with the concept and are attempting to reacquaint themselves, like, there’s a brief auto-tune rap part, and hearing auto-tune rap over a non-trap track was the most jarring experience I've had in 2017 to date (non-Trump division). I think this song's a grand ol' time on the whole, though! I'm not as big on it as some people, as indicated by all the reactions and covers I found on YouTube instead of the song (UGH YOU MADE ME GET MY PHONE YOU JERKS), but there's a lot of value in a (potential) megahit that's funky and not ponderous.

37) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna

This is so far from my idea of what a Future song is that I was honestly concerned when it started up when I was listening to HNDRXX. I almost feel bad that I'm sort of lukewarm on HNDRXX as a whole, simply because, when it's on, it's really dope, it really justifies the collective effort we've been sinking into Future for the past couple of years. I don't know that there's anyone else on Future's level that's capable of making a song like this. ...I'm kinda just making sweeping generalizations about this song that don't really dive into the meat of it, am I. WELL OKAY HERE'S THAT THING NO ONE WANTS. I really love the idea of a couple admitting they want to be one person and they want to be a selfish person, the couple only wants to think about the couple, is a really interesting metaphor, and Future and Rihanna give really strong vocal performances (didja know, rihanna's good at this) that lend the song this really sad edge, so it still feels as self-loathey as the rest of Future's work.

48) "Comin Out Strong," by Future ft./The Weeknd

This is more standard Future, just slow, depressing meandering over a trap beat. Like, I dunno. It's kind of like "Stay," that song I barely remember from earlier, it's just a sad song done well enough I guess. It's a waste of a Weeknd cameo, honestly, like you're gonna get The Weeknd in here and have him just do this? A'ight, man. I dont get it, but it's your world.

78) "Make Love," by Gucci Mane ft./Nicki Minaj

I think I'm just cranky today. Woke up at 3 AM, had a boring day at Job, now I have to deal with this go-nowhere song where neither party sounds like they're really interested in what they're doing. Maybe I oughta take a breather, no one exepcts this the day the chart drops, no one even expects this, I can come back tomorrow. But man. Listening to this song feels like going to a restaurant and getting in line behind someone who's never been to that restaurant before and has to ask about all the menu options. "Is the orange chicken good?" Man we're at fucking Leeann Chin how could it possibly be good. And you're kinda looking across the way at the other restaurants and wondering what might've been, but you're in too deep, you committed to this place, and you're go -- yep, she took the green beans. Great. Now you either have to wait for green beans or order one of the lesser sides. YES I'M AWARE THIS STOPPED BEING AN ANALOGY AND NOW I'M COMPLAINING ABOUT SOME RUBE AT THE LEEANN CHIN, POINT IS, THIS SONG BLOWS.

89) "Losin Control," by Russ

I feel lied to. I feel fucking lied to, Russ. There is a certain promise in the title "Losin Control." I was banking on this promise. I was hoping, after a lesser Future song and "Make Love," that this would be a delightful party jam about making bad decisions at a nightclub. What the fuck is this. What the goddamn fuck IS this, Russ. What is this moaning slow-ass dumb fuckery. The best thing that can be said for this song is that Russ himself is not a character in the song, that he is the one to be patient with the broken woman and be a better man worthy of her love. Thank you for at least doing the bare fucking minimum, Russ. We had "Run Up" a month ago. "Run Up" was a fun, tropical party song worthy of your love and respect. I'm bouncing it to #4 on my chart this week, out of respect for what the top three songs are able to do on the chart, but I still believe in "Run Up" with every fiber of my being. Y'all are telling me you wanna listen to some fuckhead with a manbun plaintively whine a sad story about a girl who got cheated on the one time. I can't possibly imagine hating this world more.

92) "God, Your Mama, and Me," by Florida Georgia Line ft./Backstreet Boys

NOW WHAT I DID AT THE END RIGHT THERE, THAT'S WHAT WE CALL A SET-UP, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus FUCKING Christ this is a thing that actually exists. I mean, it's pathetic. There's so little effort put into the song that it's not even insincere. The fact that, in the list of people who love the girl, the dudes in Florida Georgia Line LITERALLY REPLACE HER FATHER is unconscionably gross, like oh my stars fuck that so hard, "That's right, Daddy, I love your little girl more than you," SO GROSS. There is one saving grace in this song, the Oxford comma in the title, but even THAT speaks to how inauthentic and manufactured and fucking gross this song is: does anyone honestly think, if this song were really country, anyone would care enough to observe semi-antiquated punctuation usage and include an Oxford comma in the song title? BECAUSE THEY FUCKING WOULDN'T. The Oxford comma illustrates that this song comes from the suits in corporate, demanding a hit be delivered AND THAT IT BE OVERTLY CHRISTIAN. Goddamned pathetic.

96) "Hometown Girl," by Josh Turner

country music is sort of a form of low fantasy at this point. it's just a bunch of dudes sitting around, taking about a place that has never existed, thinking about people who have never lived. like real talk, swap the cowboy hats for big-ass fake swords and replace the guitars with dice, baby, you've got a game of D&D.

100) "Green Light," by Lorde

It's hard for me to be neutral about this song? Because hey, even divorced from the context of this wretched week, this is really dope, I'm stoked Lorde is back and considerably improved, I love that the song's about something mature without going all "HEY GUYS ADULTHOOD = FUCKING" about it, it's just someone moving on from a relationship that stopped being for her (and also Lorde's progression as an artist but pffft fuck that who cares about that part), but after all I went through to get here? THIS IS THE GREATEST FUCKING SONG OF ALL TIME. Anything that isn’t Florida Georgia Line would earn undying love and respect at this point. (But Josh TI KNOW WHAT I SAID. Still, even if I hear "Green Light" after hearing and thinking about good songs for half an hour, I expect it'll hold up quite well. because Lorde is interesting and Jack Antonoff’s solid and this is just awesome work. LORDE'S BACK! YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!

/sigh/ The Top 20. Yeah, I’m bummed. But “iSpy” and “Issues” and “Despacito” are all at least as good! But like maybe I’m the fool? Maybe I’m just weirdly obsessed with a song that only spent one week on the pop chart? It would be just like me, too, to declare Song of the Year a song that was on the chart for one week in February. Ten years ago, mighta been The Game and Kanye West’s “Wouldn’t Get Far,” this year, it’s “Run Up.” Y’know? (This outro paragraph is a backdoor pilot for YELLIN’ AT SONGS: 2007 EDITION.) 20) "Running Back," by Wale ft./Lil Wayne (2.11) 19) "I'm Better," by Missy Elliott ft./Lamb (2.18) 18) "Way Down We Go," by Kaleo (1.14) 17) "Everyday," by Ariana Grande ft./Future (3.4) 16) "Light," by Big Sean ft./Jeremih (2.25) 15) "Draco," by Future (3.11) 14) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 13) "Good Drank," by 2 Chainz ft./Gucci Mane & Quavo (2.11) 12) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4) 11) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 10) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 9) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 8) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 7) "Shape of You," by Ed Sheeran (1.28) 6) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 5) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 4) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 3) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 2) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 1) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14)