#i like having those as exercise for actually starting and finishing things -laughs-

[magnusbae]

"I can't sleep." Obikin? (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

"I'm sorry, what?" Anakin echoes, blankly.

Obi-Wan's face twists in deep discomfort and he straightens his shoulders, the furrow of his brows is one he oftens has before an especially unpleasant battle. Anakin doesn't like it directed at himself but he truly needs to his Master to confirm that he did not start hallucinating due to his own lack of sleep. Surely, his stubborn Master did not just admit to such human weakness as inability to sleep. Surely, he meant to say there's much work to be done and no one but him to do it. Right?

"If your hearing had suffered during the last mission, you truly outh to report that to the medical bay, Ahnakin." Obi-Wan sounds snappy, cranky in a way he gets only when he is sleep deprived beyond what even a Jedi can withstand. He seems to realize that too, as his cheeks color with a touch of embarrassment and he makes to turn to the door, and leave.

"No" Anakin reaches and grabs at his sleeve, hand closing around his wrist. "Stay, Master, please." his own cheeks heat up. He is not sure what to do with this more honest Master of his, the one who actually speaks clearly— he is not sure what Obi-Wan wanted to achieve when he came here, in the middle of the night. He doesn't know and he doesn't care to ruin the moment by asking. It's enough that he is here, the rest he will figure out as things go.

"I—" Anakin runs a tongue across his lips, they're dry again. "I couldn't sleep either." his hair is sleep tousled and he has pink pillow lines across his face but Obi-Wan is gracious enough to not point it out. Anakin might have slept, just not well. "I could use the company, Master" he smiles tentatively and finally, finally Obi-Wan relaxes some.

"In that case" Obi-Wan lowers his gaze, expression both conflicted and softer. "You might wish to invite me in" he glances at him with those endlessly tired blue eyes, endlessly kind, playful even while so wearied. "I rather not have to explain to the clones why we share nightly visits, Padawan." there's a smirk there, Anakin is certain.

"Mahstar!" his cheeks burning, he pulls his Master into the room and locks it with a flick of his wrist and a nudge from the force.

His cheeks are hot and his chest is light. He wonders if they could share the bed, the way his Master allowed a precious few times when he was younger. Much younger. Probably not, but who knows. Right?

[cottonlemonade]

heyy! SO glad to see you're having another event!! The last piece with kags was so cute!!

For this event- i'd really like to order a large americano for here with iwaizumi!

So excited to see what you come up with!

Working From Home

word count: 656 || avg. reading time: 3 mins.

pairing: post-time skip husband!Iwaizumi x chubby!Reader

genre: fluffy smut

warnings: spoilers, mdni, nsfw (ironically)

Iwaizumi sighed and stretched his neck. While he enjoyed a little time away from the very energetic roster of the Japanese national team, he was proven time and time again that he was not cut out for office work. The only upside to those days working from home, when he felt chained to the computer, was when your home office days overlapped and he could enjoy the comfort of knowing you shared the same space. Since you worked remotely often, he had made sure to look for an apartment with an extra room with plenty of natural light that could be turned into an actual office. He made a little game out of knocking at your door and announcing himself like a secretary would, whenever he brought you something to eat.

Today however, it seemed like you had finished early and he could hear the quiet bustling of chores as he focused on drawing up a plan for a new training regimen he wanted to try out next week. He sat on the couch, laptop on a tray over his knees, reading over the timeline when a small plate came into view.

“Here, hon. To tie you over until dinner time.”

Iwaizumi looked up at the plate in your hands but was met with the sight of a completely different kind of snack.

A washed out tank top clung to your chubby body - something you often wore while you two did housework. It was an old, ratty thing that was a bit too tight here, too wide there, and had a frayed hem from having washed it too many times. But as if he cared when all of that was paired with his wife clearly not wearing a bra.

“Is it my birthday?”, he asked, very obviously staring at your breasts.

You looked down on yourself, a little puzzled at first, then grinned.

“This is your fantasy?”, you laughed.

“It for sure is the start of one.”

You put the plate on the coffee table and straightened again, highly amused that your husband was not even attempting to hide his stares.

“I thought I’d get a jump on things and do some laundry.”

Iwaizumi didn’t miss a beat. “Can I be laundry?”

You giggled when he put the laptop next to the plate of apple slice you had cut for him and pulled you into his lap - you allowed yourself a bit of shifting so you could comfortably straddle him, your arms around his neck, fingers playing with his hair.

Not wasting any time with pretense he brought both hands up to gently grab your breasts, squeezing them when you leaned in for a kiss. You felt like you were back in high school and ignoring homework to fool around.

You chuckled against his lips at his now rhythmic squeezing. “What are you doing?”

“Just relaxing my hands, darling.”, he met your eyes with a smirk, “You know how important it is to loosen your hands every once in a while when working at the computer for too long.”

You nodded along, putting on a serious expression. “Is that so?”

“Hm hm. Trust me, I’m a professional.” He began kissing your neck, giving your now hardened nipples a few brushes with his fingertips.

You let out a moan when his lips went over your shoulder down to your breasts, exposed from him pulling a little at the neckline of your top.

“I remember you said something about regular exercise while in home office as well.”

“You’re such a good listener, babe.”

He lifted you off his lap to lay down the couch, swiftly pulling your shirt over your head, flinging it somewhere behind him and taking your nipple into his mouth.

Large, calloused hands gripped your fleshy hips and he groaned when your plush thigh rubbed against the hard outline in his sweats.

“What about work?”, you teased

“They can live without me for an hour.”

a/n: thank you for your sweet words! Please enjoy ^^ 🌟

[negansbackdoorwhore]

Scrimmage

Summary: Negan coaches college ball for a small community college. One of his players however keeps up a little game that he is tired of playing

Warnings: swearing, age gap (early 20s reader, Negan is mid 40s), smut, p in v sex, daddy kink

Negans POV

There she goes again, purposely wearing those fucking short shorts. They hugged those thighs tights and made her ass pop. Fuck, what I’d do to her if she was mine for one night. But I can’t risk my fucking job over pussy. I try to ignore the way she sways her hips when walking past me and how she’s able to be a star during practice. There is no denying that most of these girls are crushing on me but Y/N just has to make her desires known in a more outlandish way. She was by no means shy about the attraction, sometimes I would slip up a flirty comment to amuse her game. But never actually go to touch her or anything stepping over that boundary.

Tonight was a scrimmage game to see how well we are prepared for the season. Along with to see what we need to practice on. As the game went on, a few students watched in the gym and I focus on different plays.

“C’mon girls! Defense, defense!” I call out and blow the whistle for a quick time out. They came over to the side line and gather in a circle.

“We’re doing great so far, but defense needs work. It doesn’t really work out well if we can’t keep the opposing team off our dick, right?” They laugh at my joke and nodded in agreement. I blew my whistle once more to set off the game again. Much improvement in our team and I shout out my criticism and let them finish out the last quarter as champs. We had a little get together after they showered up in the cafeteria. Apparently, there was a little froyo social, bullshit that college campus’s do. I snuck away as the girls started talking whatever girl language they do. Hopefully, they have fun tonight. I sigh and walk back to the gym to gather my stuff to go home. As I unlocked the gym door, I go to my office and flip the light switch.

“What are you doing here?” I sigh looking at Y/N on my desk, her legs are crossed. “Not much. Just waiting for you…Daddy.” I hissed as I heard that nickname and shook it off. I move pass her and grab my duffle bag.

“Get out of here and go to that gay froyo social.” I say making sure all my things are in my bag. I then heard movement around and hoping she left. But instead heard the locking of the door.

“Y/N. I’m telling you one more time, leave.” I say in a stern tone and remove my hat. I run my fingers through my hair as I turn off my computer.

“Am I not attractive?” The question made me turn my head towards her. “You are very attractive, Y/N.” I say throwing my bag on my shoulder.

“Am I not your type?” She keeps on asking and trying to trap me. “I don’t have a type.” I say trying to dismiss her. “Then what is it? I’m twenty one, so it’s legal and I’ve caught you staring at me numerous times…” She says reaching to touch me but I dodge the advance.

“This is inappropriate and you know it.” I say going to unlock the door and then heard her let out a dramatic sigh. “I see how it is. Coach Smith is just too scared.” I gripped the door handle tight, I knew exactly what she was trying to do. I just shook my head and unlocked the door to make my leave. “Fine. Run away like a coward.” I heard her say in a disappointed tone.

-

Another week passed and I was grading the last few exams. I hated graded these papers especially since I’m supposed to be hands on. But can’t be so lucky as the curriculum calls for state testing and at least a few tests to exercise their brains. I sigh feeling bored already and sip the coffee from my thermos. It was late evening as I got stuck here. I did however procrastinate my duties, I had a couple dates with a few faculty members. Unfortunately, they were boring and even worse no pussy either. I growl under my breath and felt it was too long since I’ve felt the warmth of a woman. Two long months and not getting my dick wet. I lean back in my office chair and ran a hand over my chin. As I took a break, I heard some noise outside of my office. It sounded like some stupid kids finding the empty gym to fuck. I would leave it alone but hearing some guy get lucky instead of me, just pisses me off. I go to stand up and open my door to see some frat boy with Y/N.

“Shit! You fucking lied to me!”

“Hey! I didn’t know he was still here.” She retaliated and I was fucking furious. For one, she was here with this idiot and the other thing was that she intended to let another person have her.

“That’s no way to speak to a lady. Now, I’ll give you two options. One, you can leave and I won’t do a fucking thing. Two, I’ll suspend you and fail your sorry ass.” I say looking at them both. I scowl at Y/N to make her feel how angry I was.

“Fine. I’m out of here.” He walked away quickly and Y/N was shooting daggers at me. “Thanks a lot! I was trying to have fun but I can’t get that when you’re around.” I shook my head and grabbed her wrist. “I’m so sick and tired of your ass. You need someone to fuck you? Fine, I’ll change your fucking life.”

She didn’t put up any physical protest or verbal as I lead us to my office. I could practically feel her excitement as I push further inside and lock the door.

“Get your ass on the desk.” I say removing my cap and see her immediately jump to my orders. I smile to myself seeing how happy she was, I was too. Finally get to feel that tight cunt on me along with her ass. I bit my lip and approach the desk. Her thighs opened for my body to fit and instantly my lips were on hers. I held her by the waist as I leaned down to deepen our kiss. Fuck, they were so soft and tasted like honey. I groan into her mouth and felt her hips buck. I grin against her lips as I felt her thighs going around my waist.

“Eager?” I teased her and grind against her, she let out a cute whimper to feel my semi erect cock. I bit my lip and moved to bite her neck. Her skin tasted just as good as I sucked a dark hickey on her bare neck. Want everyone to see that she’s owned by me. And me alone. I growl as I move lower and felt her body through the thin shirt.

“Fuck. Coach.”

“Not coach. Negan or Daddy, either one is fine as long as you scream it.” I heard her breath get heavy at the statement and took the opportunity to kneel down. Y/N looked down at me, all that cockiness she had was out the window. It turned me on even more, seeing her slick mouth shut and her actions were all shy. All because I have her trapped under my grasp. Her limbs were trembling as I had my head between her thighs. I bit my lip looking at her turn red.

“Someone getting cold feet?” I teased as I reach to tug away her shorts. She tensed instantly and almost pushed me away. I look up at her and stopped my hands from going further. I can read how nervous she was to do this and pecked my lips on her knee.

“It’s okay. Just relax baby, Daddy won’t hurt you.” I coo as I gently massage her calf. I move to stand up and moved my hand up from her leg toward her chin. I held her cheek gently in my hand as my thumb swept along her skin. She was still flushed and I saw how she wanted to hide from my gaze.

“And I thought you’d be more fiesty. Guess that was all bullshit, but don’t worry. I know how to treat a fine piece of ass.” I kiss her again but this time, softer and more attentive. She moaned against me and I reached my hand lower to touch the front of her shorts. Her thighs daring to close but I stop the resistance. “Be a good girl. Let me touch your pussy.” I purred and her muscles slowly untensed. I caressed her through her shorts and felt her hips buck.

“Mm baby. You like that?” I say pressing harder and kissing the mark I left. She only nodded and I bit down on that spot, making her let out a wince.

“Use your fucking words.” I warned. “Yes, I like it.” She whined feeling my hand go beneath the fabric. I felt the little damp spot on her panties making me growl. Fuck, I barely even touched her. I could feel the excitement in her body after making such a noise. I go by her ear and nibbled her earlobe as I growl again. She let out a moan this time as my finger teased her clit.

“Negan, it feels-“

“Oh yeah. Tell me baby, tell me how I feel.” Y/N moaned and went to hide her face in my chest. Her hands reached to grip onto my sweatshirt. I laughed lightly and shoved her panties away. I moaned at the warmth of her nectar hit my skin. I felt her erect clit practically twitch against my touch. Her body clings to me as I finger her dripping cunt. Her noises were muffled into the fabric of my sweatshirt and I kissed the top of her head. Her thighs dared to shut. Damn, she must be close.

“Don’t do that. Be a good girl and let me make you come.” I say against her ear and felt her pussy clenching on my fingers. “Daddy!” She squealed into my chest as I felt her come. I groan feeling her sweet juices coat my hand and brought her into another kiss. I groan and pulled away to take off my shirt. I heard Y/N catching her breath and guided her hand on the buldge of my sweatpants.

“It’s big…” She said in a shaky tone but I reassured her motions and pulled down the waistband. My cock sprung out almost hitting poor Y/N in the face. She visibly shook at the sight of me.

“Don’t worry about putting it in your mouth. We’ll do that another time, for now…” I take her hand and had her touch my shaft. Fuck, her skin was soft and warm. “Just play with it. Get a good feel for me, sweetheart.” Her palm gently went down my cock and back up. She was still shaking but it only made me twitch in her hand.

“Don’t be scared to get a little rough. Go on and give a firm squeeze.” I instructed and she obeyed immediately. I bit my lip feeling her slowly jerk me off. “Oh shit. That’s a good girl.” I praised and see her body language change, she must like that. I smirk to myself and go to stroke her hair. “You want to be my good girl, don’t you?” I asked and gently massaged her scalp. Y/N let out a light sigh at my attention and it encouraged her to go faster. I moan and starting to buck my hips against her. Her grip grew tighter as I felt her.

“Shit. This is making Daddy feel so fucking good.” I smile and brought my hand to lift up her chin up at me. Her eyes were full of desire and I wanted to fill that need. Along with her pussy.

“Behind? Or do you want to face me?”

“What?” She asked and I laughed lightly at her question and squeezed her chin. “How should I fuck you? Behind or do you want look at me?”

“Can I look at you?” She says in a hesitant tone and I gently push away her hand off my cock. I lean over her and kissed her lips as tugged for her shorts to come off. Her hips lifted up and I quickly toss them onto the floor. She shivered feeling the cool touch of my wooden desk as my hands brought her legs to my waist.

“Like this?” I ask knowing fully well how embarrassed she was having me doing this to her. Her cheeks were flushed and her thighs tensed. “Hold on to me, I want to feel you scratch my body as I make you all fucking mine.”

“Yes Daddy.” She whispered and I felt my cock turning to steel. Y/N’s arms go around my shoulders and I lean lower to guide my body to tease her wet slit. I groan at the feeling and heard her let out a moan. I bit my lip and eased the tip inside. She was already squeezing me and I go deeper watching her expression closely.

“Relax for me.” I whispered and stopped my movements feeling her clenching harder. Her nails scratched my shoulder and eventually her velvet walls relaxed.

“I’m sorry. I’ve never felt someone this big.” She winced gently moving her hips up making me moan. I took the opportunity to go all the way inside and moaned at how good she felt.

“Fuck. Tight little pussy on you, feels so fucking good on me.” I moan slowly moving my hips as she whimpered to feel me stretching her cunt. I reached my hand to hold her hip as I kept my thrusts slow to make sure she was adjusting to my size. I was really giving her the special treatment, might as well savor this. I lean closer to her face and kissed her softly. She moaned on my lips and I moved up for her legs to go onto my shoulders. She let out a surprised noise as her back landed onto the papers on the desk. I could careless about that shit right now.

“Oh Y/N.” I groan as I move inside of her as her cunt started overflowing with her sweet juices. Her hold grew tight on me as I started to pound her into the desk. I couldn’t hold myself back, it felt too fucking good.

“Fuck! Daddy!” She whined as my hips seem to have control over me. Well fuck, I think I might be in love with her cunt. “Good girl, letting me have you like this.” I groaned feeling her clench down on my cock.

I growled as those perfect manicured nails dug into my skin and I pumped my cum deep inside this perfect pussy. I moan and dug deep to hit that special spot and watched her mouth hung open. Her eyes shut and tears roll down her cheeks. Fucking fuck fuck fuck! This might’ve been a mistake….

[poppurini]

him as a private tutor

leona, jade, malleus, lilia & gn reader

magicless au, platonic, for fun

˖ leona kingscholar

“Just Leona. Let me see your textbook.” no introductions or anything, just straight to the point. probably doesn’t ask for your name since he already knew. yes he didn’t prepare anything beforehand, no flipping through your syllabus before the actual tutoring because this man just skims through your textbook under twenty minutes and started teaching. yes he’s good at it. unfair, really. sometimes he’ll get a generational shock at the current syllabus though. “The hell are kids learning these days.” “Do you even need these in real life.”

he may seem like an indolent man (and he is) but it’s honestly so impressive of him to be able to understand your syllabus the moment he reads through them and being able to teach you about it.

strictness is 4/10 he doesn’t really care if you didn’t do the homework he assigned bc he’s not gonna be the one failing those exams that determines 70% of your future. yes those were his exact words. he might nag you a little but after that nothing’s on him. clocks off right on time.

˖ jade leech

this mf whips out a whole stack of 9cm tall worth of exercises for you because he thinks it’s funny. eerily friendly. might unintentionally make you feel a little dumb when he does that little inhale and tilts his head slightly, looking genuinely confused as to how you could get this question wrong. wears glasses (i know what jade leech stans are) occasionally. yes those attractive thin framed ones. only when you’re halfway selling off your soul to deal with the mountain of exercises he’s telling you “Oh, you needn’t get all of them completed today.” with that very innocent smile.

strictness is 7/10 he’s scary when he’s strict. might let you off the hook once or twice with incomplete homework (only with valid reasons tho) but afterwards that service smile drops and questions why you’re so reluctant on doing homework. it’s just a 2k word essay. also clocks off right on time even if he’s about to finish teaching a topic he’s not going to provide free labour.

˖ malleus draconia

this man is INSANE literally not one day does he wear a casual outfit to your sessions it’s always professional wear with him. yeaah i’m back with my dress pants dress shirt along with vest plus neat tie malleus only this time he doesn’t have his collar unbuttoned and sleeves rolled up sob sob gotta look clean. intimidating asl but that’s just bc he’s bad at connecting with the younger generations (or anyone, really) however it’s very sweet of him to still try and crack some academic related jokes with a straight face (it’s up to u whether they’re funny or not) hoping you’ll laugh. look he really wants u to open up to him so that u can absorb knowledge better instead of being constantly on edge around him ok

strictness is 9/10 oohlala much like jade he’d close an eye if it’s not a frequent occasion but he demands respect and you constantly putting off the works he assigned to help you clearly shows you don’t think of him as anything. he is patient and nice but only when you deserve it. also he’d delay a maximum of twenty minutes of your time after class ends just to finish talking about the topic.

˖ lilia vanrouge

DEADASS the most fun tutor ever. he’s all malleus ever want to be. bought drinks or snacks on his way and decided to buy you some too (just take it even if the flavours are weird). this man makes you comfortable around him instantly and teaches better than most of your teachers in school. definitely checks out your stationary while you’re suffering in doing matrixes. you can hear him mumbling to himself sometimes “Broo we didn’t even have these back then.” and it’s a squared glue stick. “Can you link me where you got this.” also THE most patient tutor and he won’t even let you feel bad for making him explain the same thing for the nth time. his job is to teach! not scold.

strictness being a 2/10 he’ll still advise you to do your homework but not in a scolding manner. he’ll really gently talk you into doing them for your own good unless you’re outright being disrespectful then the rate changes :p will ask if you want him to continue when the clock strikes end of session. if you don’t, okay! he’ll get back to it next lesson.

[hisokamywaifu]

Hisoka relationship hcs (sfw)

Somehow I haven't really written hcs before but here we go

Also first non smut post wtf am I doing with my life??

Warnings: probably cursing but idrk, no outright smut but a couple sexual phrases i guess, Hisoka is a warning in and of himself

~~~

This man

idk how to start this but

You'd definitely have a cat together (sorry if you're allergic 😐)

He's such a cat person, and I feel like when you're chilling at home he'll just look at it 👀 for like hours until it gets a little freaked out and hides from him

he might challenge it to a fight...since that's how he is (you'll have to make sure he doesn't get bored and kill it 😬)

But he'll be great at playing w it tho, he'll set up elaborate hunts and things for it so it's never bored

The poor creature will be a lil bit traumatized but at least it'll get its exercise in 💀

anyway, away from the subject of cats

Unlike what many people believe, I don't think you have to be op and a amazing fighter to get him to be attracted to you

Actually I think he's even more intrigued when he notices someone for reasons other than their fighting abilities

He wants to know more

He's definitely very physical, he's always finding one way or another to be touching you, whether in public or alone

And this is the kind of relationship that is mutually yandere

He will not hesitate to kill anyone he deems as 'too close' to you, and if you do the same, it's a major turn on for him

He's always with you, 24/7 (but if you need some space he's fine with roaming for a while, he might disappear for a few weeks but he doesn't get offended that you need your space)

OH AND THIS MAN

Whenever he wants your attention, or he wants to be closer to you

h-he

he will

p-pull you towards him with his bungee gum 🤭

And don't let him find out you're into it or else he'll start doing it ALL. THE . TimE.

Oh, and when he's fighting? He KNOWS when you're watching. He'll make sure to save the dramatic finish for when you're paying attention.

And then he winks or bows or something at the end to make you laugh which makes his grin widen

this guy

everyone thinks you're insane for dating him but the insanity is what makes you a perfect match for him

Also, he would be into all different kinds of music

so whatever you like, he enjoys too

You can bop with him to all your favorite songs, and just have the best time fooling around with him

You probably don't spend much time in each place, due to Hisoka's...lifestyle? So there may be a lot of moving involved

But anything you wanna try w him in cool new locations, he's willing and eager to do it all with you

He takes you out for manicures and gets matching nails with you every so often

Pull his hair. Trust me. Just do it.

Sometimes he makes you mad on purpose to get you to scold him because thats just the hottest thing ever to him

Since he's so clingy and touch starved he will force you to cuddle with him

But it's okay because he's weirdly comfortable

He will flex in front of you just to see you drool over his muscles

and he's flexible, so he stretches and watches your reaction too

lmao and cooking

This could go either way

He's either the best cook ever without trying, or he has never tried and never will

And this guy is the sassiest bitch ever

He is always snarking at the worst times

And if you guys are across the room from each other you have silent conversations with your eyes just knowing exactly what the other is thinking

No matter how far into this relationship you are, he will never stop flirting with you shamelessly

He switches between big spoon and little spoon, but is always so cuddly and cozy

And if you're even half the amount of clingy that he is, he's over the moon

He absolutely loves whenever you initiate contact

OOOO and carnival dates (I have to lean into the aesthetic here) but he's the best bf for those ever

Overall, he's just the most amazing person ever

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Woah first non smut piece of writing eVeR

I love Hisoka so fucking much. He's probably my favorite of my 100+ anime boyfies (I have a list)

Anyway, if you liked these hcs, feel free to request other ones! I'm taking a break from full fics for a while because writers block is a bitch, but I'm gonna try out headcannons for a while

[thefrogman]

On fucking up...

The house has been incredibly quiet since my dad passed. And that quiet turns into loneliness quite often for me. So last night I decided to use every spoon I had to go to the movies. I swallowed my social anxiety and went out into the world.

The theater had these recliners that sit on a raised step. But when you are actually sitting in the seat you can't see that step. Once the movie was over I forgot about the step. I got up to leave and my ankle caught it on the way down. I flew forward and crashed into the back of a row of seats.

A middle aged gentlemen saw this and said, "Gee buddy, this your first day walking?"

And the other 8 people in the theater gave a boisterous laugh.

I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

Making a mistake feels bad.

Making a mistake in public is an embarrassing lesson in humility.

And making a mistake witnessed by 15,000 people is terrifying.

When you get something wrong and people call you out, your first instinct is to dig in. Everyone wants to dig in. Which is usually the worst possible reaction. You want to defend yourself. You don't want to believe you were wrong. And you start spewing out reasons why you can't be wrong. I think the current vernacular calls this "tweeting through it."

Over the years I have tried very hard to fight that instinct to dig in. To consider what people have said and recheck my facts to see if my original information could be inaccurate. And sometimes you find out you were right and strengthen your point of view.

But when you find out you were duped or misunderstood the information, there is nothing quite like that sinking feeling.

And when you are wrong in front of 15,000 people... that sinking feeling goes to the center of the earth.

You get sucked into a thought spiral...

"How do I fix this? Do I send a message to all 15,000 people? Do I just post a video of me repeatedly punching myself in the face? Do I delete the post? No, can't delete the post, people will think you are trying to hide your mistake. Plus all those reblogs."

You have to accept the fact that even if you publicly admit you were wrong, a lot of those people are never going to see it. They are going to believe the thing and possibly spread it to others.

You've created a runaway freight train and you just have to watch it crash into stuff.

The sad thing is I have learned this lesson a few times in my 10+ years of being a minor public figure. It has caused me to be so paranoid about passing along bad information that I will fact check things to death. Sometimes 5 or 6 sources. I'll look at reputable sources and disreputable sources. And I'll try to corroborate those disreputable sources just as an exercise to give me confidence I have the best information at that time.

But the other night I finished watching John Wick 4 and was high on action juice. I started watching every John Wick video on YouTube. My history shows about 40 videos. And at 2 or 3am I heard the director being hyperbolic in a podcast clip and thought a fun fact was too great not to share.

I thought, "I'm not telling people to eat horse paste for COVID. I'm not pretending I'm a submarine expert who knows exactly how to save people at the bottom of the ocean. It's just a flippy gun maneuver. I'm sure Chad knows what he is talking about."

So I posted the thing on my personal blog with sleep in my eyes and figured it was fine. And after 500 notes no one had really said anything, so I thought it was okay to share on my main blog.

And that was my biggest mistake. I deemed the subject matter to be trivial so I lowered my standards.

I forgot that damn step was there and flew into the seats.

There are dishonest people on the internet. Tons of them. People who will post dangerous misinformation without a care. People who have a pattern of lying. Grifters who thrive on baiting people for clicks. And I think it has caused us to react to bad information with hostility by default. People forget that there are still honest people who just make a mistake or get duped. Yet they can still feel the need to make people feel stupid for believing something that seems so obvious to them.

I have been guilty of this myself. I have called people out forgetting they are a human being behind that social media avatar.

The first person to call me out just said, "This is not true, LMFAO."

That's not helpful.

People made me feel like I was a liar. And I am very sensitive to that. For years doctors, family, and friends were skeptical of my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. And when someone accuses me of being dishonest, I get very anxious and see red.

But I tried very hard not to dig in. I asked for more information--for evidence. Just point me in a direction so I can figure out what's true. But I got angry when all they said was that I was wrong without elaboration. Which is another form of digging in.

I guess I'm asking people to start with compassion before hostility. Maybe if we don't know the person or they have been a mostly reliable source, we can give people a chance. If the person has a history of deception, that's a different story. Bad faith is usually pretty easy to spot.

I remember for a long time I used to love telling people their blood was blue until it was exposed to oxygen. It was just the funnest fun fact I had ever heard and I *needed* others to know the thing I knew. Giving people knowledge can be intoxicating. But then I told my good friend who just became a medical resident and he was like, "I don't remember that in medical school. I think that might be an urban legend."

I still got that sinking feeling and I still had flashbacks to every person I told... but I was grateful he was so kind when he corrected me.

You can correct someone with kindness.

I'd ask that you imagine yourself in their shoes. Think about how embarrassing it is when you get something wrong. And just be like, "Hey, I think you got some bad information. Here's why."

When someone faceplants into a row of seats, metaphorically or otherwise, maybe ask if they are okay before laughing at them.

[captainpains]

Acting Afool (Kylux)

For @kyluxshortshorts I'm having so much fun with these prompts. Enjoy 💕

Prompt: Roleplay

Warnings: Highschool AU, Benarmie cuteness, first kiss

~

Ben Solo did not consider himself to be a patron of the arts. He had managed to fail art class his freshman year of highschool, flunked the beginners music class his sophomore year, and hated the introductory photography class so much he switched classes in the first week. This theater class is his last hope to get the art credit that he needed to graduate highschool. 

So far in the semester, the class hadn’t been too bad. There was memorization and acting exercises, but all in all the class was pretty fun. Ben was excited to finish off his highschool career. 

One thing he did not expect was his massive crush on the British exchange student, Armitage Hux.

In the beginning, Ben thought Armitage was there for the same reason he was, just to get the stupid art credit. But, he soon realized that Armie actually liked acting. He put his heart into every small performance that he did, every monologue and improv game.

“You really like acting, don’t you?” Ben asked as he looked over the short script. It was for their final in the class, to put on a short 10 minute play. Armie and him were in a group with one other senior, one that has decided that they don’t need to practice, so it was just the two of them in Ben’s house. His parents were out of town, which is why he suggested they practice there.

“I find this class to be more agreeable than other art classes.” Armie answered, writing something down in his notebook.

“But you put a lot more effort into this class than anybody else.”

“I put this much effort into everything I do.”

“Yeah, but you smile when you do work for this class and seem to actually enjoy it.”

Armitage gave him an unimpressed look, then a gentle shove. Ben laughed and shoved back. That turned to a playful wrestling match, the two boys laughing as they fought each other. In the end, Armie came out on top, literally pinning Ben to the ground and sat on his waist. Ben panted and found himself staring at Armies lips. For the longest time, Ben dreamed about those soft looking lips on his. 

“Uh? Ben?” The words broke Ben out of his trance and he sheepishly pushed Armie off of him.

They went back to studying their lines innocently. Ben wanted to do well because he wanted Armie to be proud of him. 

“Do you want to practice together now?” Armitage asked after a few minutes.

“Kinda hard to do without Rose.”

“Well, we still need to make sure our performances and timing is great. I’ll read Rose’s parts.”

“Alright. Start from the beginning?”

“Of course.”

Armie cleared his throat and began to read off his lines. The play they chose was a comedy called The Wedding Story. Ben was the groom, Rose was the Bride, and Armie played the Storyteller. 

“ The bride at the tender age of 24-” Ben laughs, as directed. “WHAT? WHAT’S SO FUNNY?”

“She’s not even close to 24!” Ben said, putting emphasis in a way that would make their teacher proud.

“Now just wait a minute here, Buster Brown, whose story is this?”

“OURS!” The two yelled.

Then they broke down laughing. It was meant to be an absurd comedy, but probably not the best for the actors to burst out laughing.

Ben slowly quieted down, while Armitage kept laughing for a little longer. He was smiling so beautifully, and Ben couldn’t stop himself from closing the gap. Their mouths collided and the other boy was shocked still. It took a moment for Ben’s brain to catch up, and when it did, he panicked and pulled away quickly.

“I’m so sorry!” He buried his head in his hands, cheeks red with his embarrassment. 

Armie was silent. Ben mentally prepared himself to fail this final because of his own stupidity. But, then the other boy reached out and pried his hands away from his face. Ben looked into his pretty blue eyes and was prepared to face the worst rejection in his life. However, it never came because Armitage gave him a peck on the lips. He pulled away with a smile.

“Will you do me the honor of going on a date with me?” He asked.

Ben nodded enthusiastically before tackling Armie to the ground with a laugh. 

[ghoulish-fiction]

I rise from the dead to give you a short and sweet Rain/Dewdrop drabble about cuddling, flirting, supporting your boyfriend's mental health, and defending his honor by maybe biting people. Read it all under the cut. 🖤

“Hey, Rain Cloud.” Dewdrop said as he practically manifested next to the oversized living room chair Rain was curled up in. He reached out to fiddle with Rain's ear as he waited for Rain to finish the sentence he was on and close his book.

“Hey, Dewy.” Rain said as he finally looked up at Dew. It only took one glance to confirm what he had thought he heard in Dewdrop's tone, he wasn't having a good day.

Rain pulls back the blanket, an unspoken invitation for Dewdrop to join him. Dew is quick to cuddle up next to him, careful not to poke Rain with his horns as he buries his face in the crook of Rain's neck.

"A space heater was just what I needed," Rain said with a kiss to the top of Dewdrop's head as he smooths the blanket back over both of them. "What do you need?"

"I don't feel very real today. I miss home. I miss the water." Dewdrop explained how he felt, not feeling bold enough, an unusual state of mind for Dew, to actually say what he needs

"It's not the same as the waters back home,” Rain says gently, “but you know the Abby's lake is part of an underwater cave system right? It feels more like home down deep."

"Yeah I know, I just feel... out of place. I feel like the other water ghouls don't want me there because I'm a multi. A fire-water multi no less."

"There's nothing wrong with that. Did someone say something to you? I'll bite them. Make it look like a piranha attack." Rain said, only half joking.

Dew snorted out a laugh and snuggled in impossibly closer to Rain.

"Nah, that's alright. It's just the feeling I get."

Rain made a sound of acknowledgment and held Dewdrop a little tighter.

"You'll have to unpack that sometime with somebody more equipped to help. For now, want to do some grounding exercises with me to feel more real?”

Dewdrop nodded, and, with great emotional effort, sat up to face Rain.

"Okay," Rain starts, "What are five things you can see?"

Dew drew a deep breath and started listing things, "I can see your glass of water on the coaster, some of Cumulus's abandoned bobby pins next to that, the green throw pillow covers Mountain crocheted, the cover of your trashy novel-

"Hey!" Rain pouted.

Dewdrop chuckled and finished his list with, "And your cute pout."

Rain snorted and said, "Alright, alright, now take another deep breath and tell me four things you hear.”

Dewdrop was obedient, not something you see everyday, and closed his eyes while he breathed deeply, focusing on the feeling in his chest, and then on what he could hear.

Rain had to hold back a giggle that threatened to bubble up as he watched Dewdrop's long, pointed ears twitch this way and that as he listened. He thought it might just be one of the cutest things he's ever seen.

"I hear Aether tuning his acoustic in his room, the washing machine, Swiss humming, and you trying not to laugh."

Rain couldn't hold it anymore, "Ah, you caught me." He laughed.

A smile tugged at the corner of Dewdrop's lips. Rain laughing was one of his favorite sounds.

"Next, tell me three things you can touch and feel."

Dewdrop's hands began to wander. Rain caught himself blushing as he watched Dewdrop's fingers almost lovingly caress the blanket that covered them both.

"I can feel how fuzzy the blanket is," his hands moved towards Rain's chest, "the soft fabric of a favorite t shirt,"

Rain's blush grew darker as he smiled at Dew, even though his gaze was fixed to his own hands. Rain expected those hands to move to a final third thing, but they stayed in place and pressed firmly against him.

"And your heartbeat. It's always so strong and steady no matter what. It's comforting."

"I'm glad it makes you feel that way." Rain sait softly. He reached out to tuck a lock of Dewdrop’s long hair behind his ear. He softly traced Dewdrop's sharp jaw from ear to chin to lift his gaze from his hands to Rain's own face. They smiled at each other for a moment.

"Are you sure you needed grounding, or did you just want to flirt with me?" Rain teased.

"Why not both?" Dewdrop said with a wicked grin.

"Fair enough." Rain chuckled. "Two things you can smell?"

"That nasty ass weed that Mountain lit up in here last night. I don't know where he got such a disgusting strain, and I don't know if that will ever go away."

"I think you're supposed to list good smelling things."

"Hmm, well then that would be your shampoo." Dew said as he carded his fingers through Rain's curly locks.

"Heh, thanks." Rain said with a soft smile, "Feeling a bit more present?"

"You forgot one." Dew pouted while still running fingers through Rain's hair, claws gently scratching at his scalp, making Rain purr.

"Oh, well, yeah. I think the last one is always silly. It's not like you're eating while trying to ground yourself. Well... maybe sometimes."

"I could find something else to taste." Dewdrop said with a mischievous smile. With little warning he grabbed onto Rain's hair and pulled him in for a kiss. It didn't really surprise Rain. The kiss was innocent and sweet, but Rain deepened it as he pulled Dewdrop into his lap and held their bodies close together. Their tails tangled together as they sought as much contact as possible. Dew rocked his hips against Rain's as he got caught up in the moment, but he quickly reigned himself back in. He broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to Rain's.

"I taste mint. You brushed your teeth just before sitting down to read."

"And I'm glad I did. Didn't know I'd be leading a highly unprofessional counseling session."

"I won't report you to the board if you give me this session for free." Dewdrop said between the kisses he was peppering onto Rain's face.

"Ha! Deal." Rain agreed. "Now how do you feel?"

"Much better.” Dewdrop said sincerely, “Thank you Rainy."

"Anytime, dear."

[blackmaylovesfries]

Vocal team - Campfire

Words: 1072

Sinopse: Seventeen Hybrid AU - With your body getting better, some hybrids decided to take you to decompress and enjoy a warm starry night.

Notices: Not so good English, I have never broken a bone, so sorry for the inaccuracy…

Solo stories’ destiny

Masterpost

Previous / Next

You were finishing some stretching exercise the doctors had given you that helped with pain and allowed you to sit better when Jeonghan and Seungkwan popped by your side.

“Can I help you guys?” You smiled. The two of them were especially careful around you in those two months that passed in the temporary house you were in.

“Yeah, Y/n, you actually can.” Jeonghan nodded and returned your smile. He and Seungkwan held your hands from each side. “We prepared a surprise for you. Do you think you are able to go with us to the deck?” The room you’re staying has an access to the deck of the house, this was decided so the human doctors could have easier access to you without startling the hybrids.

“Sure, oppa, I think I can. Help me out, you two.” Your smile just grew bigger as the hybrids practically carried you to the wooden deck. They cracked jokes and were mindful of any discomfort you could feel during the 5 minute walk you three had to accomplish. You then were sat in a padded chair that was part of a circle of other five chairs with a campfire still off in the center.

“What are you guys up to here?” You asked.

“Wait here for a minute, Y/n. Don’t move, okay?” Seungkwan dropped a fuzzy blanket on you before he and the older one turned and disappeared inside the house. You sighed and let a little giggle out. Looking around, the small backyard was still strange to you… You started to feel melancholic missing your own home when noise came from behind you.

There were Jihoon leading Seungkwan, Dokyeom and Jeonghan. The four had food, drinks and other fun camping accessories in their arms and had big smiles on their faces. It was normal to see this combination of hybrids around, since they had similar hobbies and energy most of the time…

“Now we can finally start our campfire!” Seokmin was clearly excited. You and the others laughed while the hybrids distributed the food and the drinks. Jihoon and Jeonghan started to try to light the fire while the younger ones sat beside you. “Do you like our surprise, Y/n?”

“We wanted to relax a little and wanted to spend some calm time with you… The last few months are a little chaotic for all of us.” Seungkwan explained. Your smile failed a little.

“Thank you, guys.” You sighed before coming back to a happier mood. “We all needed this, it’s a really nice idea.” You patted both of their heads with care and the canine hybrids cuddled you a little before the others called for their help.

---

“And the hybrid discovers fire!” Jihoon couldn’t help himself and screamed when they were capable of lighting up the fire… After an hour or so of trying.

All five of you laughed out loud, finding the situation ridiculous but still funny. Finally, the boys were able to sit with you and the group just spended a moment looking at the flames and enjoying the warmth and the silence of the night. Seokmin was starting to move and find something to play with when there was a noise inside your room and a voice shouted from there:

“You guys are doing things without me again! That’s not fair!” You all turned to the glass door and saw Joshua coming in your direction with a guitar in one of his hands. You opened a yellow smile while the others died from laughing.

“We did warn you that we would be starting, hyung!” Seungkwan got up to help the older cat hybrid, who was already gasping for air. “You were the one who decided to go search for the guitar Mark-hyung gave us.” He started to nag as he helped Shua to a chair and draped a blanket on his back.

“Well, I think it was a great idea.” You defended the Snowshoe cat hybrid. “And you arrived at the right time, Josh, we just got the fire going.” He smiled at you before robbing the occasion maknae of his just opened snacks.

“Yeah! What is a campfire without some songs?” He pouted a bit before starting to eat. All the boys went back to laugh and your night officially started. Everyone of you six were enjoying the vibe, telling jokes and sharing lighthearted experiences.

Jeonghan and Joshua shared about the gossipy aunts that took care of them. Seungkwan shared about the best hot cocoa his first owner made him on a cold day. Jihoon told everyone about pretending to be a nocturnal monster to scare new trainers. And Dokyeom told about the sunny days with his family he could remember.

You did some sharing too but being careful to not mention much about the hybrids your parents helped… Your boys didn’t like them much. As the night went by and you all got cozier and more emotional, Shua took the guitar out.

“Sunday morning, rain is falling...” He started the newest song he had heard with his beautiful and delicate voice before being interrupted.

“No!” “Stop!” “Enough of that!” The other boys drowned his singing, getting a giggle out of you. Seungkwan got up, passed Shua’s guitar to Jihoon and sat again. “Now, let’s sing something we are not all tired of hearing already.”

“I just learned that last week!” Poor Jisoo complained. This time, not even you came to his defense. Since Jackson showed them Youtube, the boys developed very specific tastes in music and videos to watch… Joshua had been constantly listening to that song. Everyone, including Josh, laughed and then started to sing sweet funny songs.

The vibe was warm and you haven’t felt this relaxed and in peace for a long time after the attack. The younger boys started to fall asleep on their chairs while the older ones started to go deeper in some experiences into some healthy(?) trauma bonding. You were just enjoying the talk, giving some input here and there.

At some point, you stared at the stars far into the night sky. Your eyes started to close, you had to fight to keep actively listening to the conversation around you. The warmth and your body finally out of the alert state made your fight a lost one… Right before you were completely in Morpheus’ arms, you heard:

“Sweet dreams, Y/n. We’ll look out for any nightmares.”

Previous / Next

Hello everyone! How are you?? <3

Tags: @mimisxs​​​​ ; @moonmin-miya​​​​ ; @naminalati​​​​ ; @woohoney​​​​ ; @patriciaar ; @amber-thumbs​​​​ ; @skylions-den​​​​ ; @snowballbear​​​​ ; @restless-nights-thoughts​​​​ ; @haoareu ; @killcomet​​​​ ; @unravellyn ; @honeyylin​​​​ ; @blizzardfluffykpop​​​​ ; @luminaaz​​​​ ; @m00njhn  ; @cuzyourmyflower​​ ; @calixxreads​​​ ; @hosh1kwon​​​ ; @minhui896​​​ ;  @lol6sposts​  - If you want to be tagged, answer the first link at the beggining of this post.

[weewee-puddy]

Omo summer camp.

(Sorry for the long read btw)

You learn about it somehow and sign up.

You show up at the pickup-point. You meet other people who are going there with you and get on the coach that will get you to the camp. Your lovely instructors give out cold drinks and encourage you to drink. It's hot and it's an 8 hour drive. How about bathroom breaks? Don't worry about them for now.

The responsible instructors remind you to drink every half an hour. They don't want you to dehydrate.

4 hours have passed. It's not good to sit confined to the seat for that long. The coach drives off the main road and goes through a bumpy, not so well maintained road through a forest, then it stops by a river. We'll be doing some exercise. Oh, and when we finish, you can go potty.

First exercise. Put your hands on your hips and move your hips in circles. The deeper the better. Excellent work! Repeat that 20 times.

Second exercise. Jumping jacks. We are doing jumping jacks for a full minute. (Full just like your bladder).

Third exercise. Now that your legs are warmed up (and maybe your pants too) it's a perfect time to do stretches before we get back on the road. Spread your legs apart as far as you can. Hold like this for 30 seconds. Try to deepen it if you can.

Aaand finish. You can relieve yourself now. Pick any bush you like darling. Just hurry up, we still have a 4 hour long drive ahead of us.

You did great during the exercises. The whole group get a big cup of delicious ice tea as your prize! You will get a refill every half an hour. But it's also important to relax so the instructors play soothing sounds of ocean waves on the speakers.

You get to the place. You are welcomed and the instructors show you around. Split into groups of 3 to 4 and we'll lead you to your rooms. The rooms turn out to be those "cargo containers" houses. Your beds are made out of waterproof Material. You have some plastic chairs and a table. You can put your things into a metal closet. It doesn't look very cozy but you don't have to worry about the bathroom. No, you don't have toilets there, obviously, but you can go in a corner without soaking anything. The floor has little holes in it so you won't flood the room either. Leave your things in your room for now and get back to the instructors quickly. You have more to see.

The main building. This is the only place with clean running water (isn't there anything running down your leg, baby). There is the canteen and the showers there. Also, there is an actual toilet there but you can only use it if you are not comfortable taking the number 2 outside.

Sit down, time for dinner. The first course is delicious [insert what you like] soup. When everyone is finished, the second course will be served. You can't leave until your plates are clean (unlike the floor under your seats).

Now everyone, go straight to your rooms.

You get into your metal hut with your new friends. You stare at each other uneasy at first. But you all know what everyone is thinking. One of you starts soaking their pants and the rest follow. You stand there awkwardly. But isn't it what you signed up for? You burst out laughing. So everyone had their initiation, time to get to know each other better. You sit at the table without changing and talk. You have a lot in common! There is no need to pause the conversation because you can go right there if you need again. When you get tired, you put on your pyjamas, hang out your pants to dry and fall asleep.

Wet dreams <3

Do you want part 2?

I didn't expect it to become this long. I had to take a break in the middle of writing it and pee in a cup, because someone was in the bathroom.

[tagsecretsanta]

From @such-a-random-rambler

From @such-a-random-rambler to @ajpendragon

Here is my gift, much love to you all

Scott threw down his tablet to clatter onto the marble work surface. With a frustrated sigh that echoed around the kitchen he spun forlornly on the stool. Months of ‘I’ll get to it next week’ or ‘just got to rest after that last rescue’ or ‘the board meeting’s coming up soon, got to get the agenda sorted’ had swept away the time between his great idea and now. If he’d started research when inspiration had first struck back in the summer Virgil would shortly be receiving the most perfect Christmas gift. But he’d left it too late and now with just two weeks to go Scott’d have to fall back on Plan B.  

After he thought of Plan B. 

He laid his head in his crossed arms slumped across the tabletop, and allowed himself to indulge in wallowing at the problem of his own making. He’d come up with something great no doubt. In a minute. 

The soft scuff of boots across tile announced a visitor, easily identifiable by their pace, light step and the squeak in the left heel. The slight ‘oof’ as they sat on a stool opposite and the slightly clinical smell of an intricately controlled environment that accompanies them confirms it.  

“I’m busy being melodramatic.” Scott said, only slightly muffled by having his head in his arms.  

“I know. I could see that in space. It’s much more entertaining down here though.” 

Scott allowed himself a peak at John, who looked far too amused to be comfortable with. As suspected he’s still in uniform, only leaning a little to the side from his hasty descent from vacuum to atmosphere.  

“You keep saying that I should take more time out, get a hobby. Well I’m trying ‘procrastinated too long and now I’m a failure’. Not enjoying it so far.” 

John actually laughed at that: his full deep laugh that he rarely got a chance to exercise. John never used to be so serious, and that’s just one more wound their family bears. If Scott’s own mistakes got John to laugh like that it was worth it, just a shame Virgil was dragged along too. 

“I thought you might be trying that.” John said, a twinkle of mischief in his eye. “Why don’t you get me one of those disgusting juice drinks Virgil keeps insisting I have and tell me all about it.” 

Loath to let an opportunity to get some vitamins into John go to waste Scott dragged himself to his feet, and grabbed a bottle of the freshly made, nutrient packed smoothie from the fridge. And two glasses, for solidarity purposes.  

“Virgil’s the problem really. See he – wait. Where is he?” Scott looked about, as if Virgil was about to spring out from behind the couch cushions. 

“Hangers. Obviously. And will be some time judging by the number of pieces of Two that spread out on the floor.” John took a sip of his juice, then eyed it suspiciously. “This one’s not that bad actually. I’ll give him my compliments.” 

Scott also took a cautious sip – just in case John was using some reverse psychology – and … he kinda agreed. It was lacking most of the bitter earthy notes that usually made these concoctions a chore.  

“Ok, so you know Virgil’s been working on those music pieces, those compositions, and he finally finished last spring?” 

“I do.” 

“I was going to get them all written out and bound. Not just printed mind you – hand written on hand made paper, old school. Like the greats of classical music used to.” 

“Sounds like a really thoughtful idea. I’m sure he’d like that. Things always feel more real to him when he can get his hands on it.” 

“Exactly. I thought it would be easy to get that sorted, but I never found the time. And apparently there are only a few people in the world who do that sort of binding any more, and they can’t get it done in a couple of weeks. I’m one of those desperate leaving-it-to-the-last-minute sort of people now.” Scott takes a deep draught on the juice, which gets worryingly more bitter the further down the glass he gets. 

“If you’d listened to me, started taking breaks, you’d have been all nice and organised and had Virgil’s sonatas in the bag by October.” John continued to sip at his drink, unbearably smug.  

“And you’ve taken your own advice have you? You’ve had a weekend off here and there? Picked up a hobby? Like sleeping, you should try that for a hobby.” Because Scott knew that John barely had a sleep schedule, let alone a healthy one and certainly didn’t have days off. And John knew that Scott knew. 

John grinned. “I have got a new hobby: bailing my brothers out of trouble. Maybe that’s not so new actually. Here.” He picked up a large square package that Scott hadn’t noticed on the stool beside him, and slid it across the work surface. “Consider this an early Christmas gift. I’ve got you an actual one of course, this is just a bonus.” 

Carefully Scott put his still half full glass down, and inspects the heavy wrapping. With one eye on the still grinning John – there’s always trouble when he looks that triumphant – he grabbed a knife from the block and slit the side. 

Inside were several leather folios of crisp cream paper, embossed with the name ‘Virgil Tracy’ and filled with careful hand written notations – Virgil’s music made real by a master craftsman.  

Scott was stunned. “How did you - ? I didn’t tell anyone.” The realisation hit. “Have you been looking at my personal files again?” 

“And your internet searches.” John downed the remaining juice without so much as a grimace, and seemingly no guilt. “You really did come up with an amazing gift idea, but I knew that you would never actually get around to organising it in time. So I sorted it for you.” 

“And if your lack of faith had been misplaced?” 

John shrugged. “No harm in having a back up is there.” 

Scott ran his hand over the soft leather. He’d been too busy. He really had. And John’d been there to take the load as he always was. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome. I’m not going to gift wrap it though, that’s on you.” 

“I wouldn’t dream of asking you to.” Wrapping presents was not one of John’s skill sets. The wrapping paper was usually held together by hope as much as tape. “Are you eating dinner with us before you go back up?” 

“Thought I might have a dinner or so. I was thinking of not going back up until after New Year. Take one of those breaks you’ve been going on about.” 

John says it so offhandedly that Scott almost doesn’t make a quick calculation of days between now and then. “Two weeks?” 

“Three actually.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. I’ve been … tired recently. More tired than usual. I think I need to breathe fresh air for more than twelve hours at a time. Maybe go swimming. Sleep in on Sundays. Live like a normal human for a bit.” 

Placing the folio gently on the countertop, smoothing down the cover, Scott slowly yet inevitably stalked around the counter. Scott waited until John had put his glass down safely – you could never be too careful with him newly planetside – to enfold John in the tightest hug he could manage. Scott would forgive his brother his snooping and meddling to have him home for three weeks. And John knew it. It was probably all part of the plan. 

John suffered the hug for at least thirty seconds before pushing Scott away with a roll of his eyes. Despite his mutterings about overreacting John didn't actually look that displeased at the contact. 

“Hide that in your room somewhere,” John nods in the direction of the folio, “and we’ll go help Virgil reassemble his bird. Being as I have nowhere else I need to be.” 

[naughtyneganjdm]

Arcadia - Chapter 12

Summary: With Joel being injured, Negan works with him to try to get him better, but it's not working the way he planned. Y/N tries getting romantic with both Negan and Joel again, but when something happens, she starts to realize that they might have an unexpected problem on their hands.

Characters: Negan, the reader (OC), Joel, Lucy, Nolan, etc.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, smut, etc.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29577489/chapters/110970990

Notes:  This may not be my most popular story and I understand that, but I really loved this story and had this planned out very extensively. I know it's been a very long time since I wrote it, but life got really busy and I had to drop a lot of my stories for quite some time. I'm sorry for that. If you read this, thank you. If not, that's okay because this story is important to me and that's really what matters. I promise I will try to start giving attention to my stories again so I can hopefully finish a majority of my stories before the end of Dead City. Sorry I kind of just dropped my stories for a while.

While Negan had been a gym teacher and a sports star himself in the past, those two jobs were nothing in comparison to the work he had to put in while trying to help Joel get better from his injuries. Complicated was an understatement. It had been a few months since they had found Joel and while most things were healing with Joel, his leg was still a mess. The fractures he had gotten with his leg were still healing and he was still having all kinds of trouble with moving his leg. Every day, Negan attempted to do exercises with Joel to help get the feeling back in his leg, but it didn’t seem to be helping. It didn’t stop them from trying though.

“I don’t get this,” Negan huffed while he helped to try to work out Joel’s leg. Joel was stretched out on the ground, his arms covering his eyes while Negan kept up with the same routine he would do daily. “I feel like by now you should have some kind of feeling back in here. Are you stopping yourself mentally?”

“I could have this for the rest of my life Negan,” Joel grumbled, his southern drawl thicker than normal showing that he was frustrated with Negan’s comments. “I think it’s time we just start to acknowledge that I’m probably not going to be able to feel or move my leg again without your help. I reckon the sooner we realize that, the better. I’m going to be gimpy for the rest of my life beating people with my cane.”

“While the imagery is fucking amusing, that’s not going to be the case,” Negan grunted, his hand squeezing over the fleshy part of Joel’s thigh making Joel growl. “You feel something?”

“Yeah, I fucking ache everywhere Negan. That hasn’t changed. I pretty much feel like I’ve been hit by a truck and I’m just doing my best to pull myself back together,” Joel explained with a heavy sigh knowing that while he may have not been able to feel his leg, his body was incredibly stressed and worn out after his workouts with Negan so he reckoned they hurt. “Maybe you just need to give up.”

“Maybe you just need to shut the fuck up and work harder,” Negan’s hand smacked firmly over Joel’s thigh making Joel cry out in agony and he swiftly moved away from Joel watching Joel’s back arch up. “I am so fucking sorry. I’m sorry.”

Faint snickers started to fall from Joel’s throat when Negan tried to tend to him and help him making Negan’s face twist in confusion, “What’s so funny?”

“I can’t feel my leg Negan. I was fucking with you,” Joel lifted up on his elbows reminding Negan of their general problem that they were having right now. Negan’s eyebrows furrowed when Joel confessed he was just faking Negan out. “You could probably stab me in the leg and I wouldn’t feel you.”

“You fucker,” Negan hit Joel in the gut making Joel wince this time when he curled up and wrapped his arm around his ribs.

“Why would you do that? I actually broke my ribs,” Joel reminded Negan making Negan swiftly lower down in attempts to help Joel making Joel laugh again with how worried Negan seemed to get over him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m fucking with you again. The ribs healed after like two months. I still get sore, but they are…”

“What the fuck Joel,” Negan this time gave a pretty firm hit to the center of Joel’s stomach making him groan out for real this time. “I hope that one hurt because the next one is going to be me punching you in the balls.”

“Nope, definitely felt this one,” Joel rolled onto his side, his eyes closing tightly while Negan paced before him. Joel took a few minutes to gain back his breath that had left his lungs after Negan had hit him that last time. “You would never hit me in the balls…”

“You wanna bet?” Negan’s eyebrow arched up, resting his hands on his hips when his pacing came to a stop. “I don’t need your dick to work in order to have sex with you. I may like being the bottom, but I can make do with what we have.”

“Point taken,” Joel covered his groin making Negan laugh when Joel protected the goods from getting injured.

“You know, you were my favorite until the last few weeks. You were the nice one and now you’re fucking grumpy all the time,” Negan blurt out making Joel roll his eyes and drop his head back against the ground. “Your sassy all the time now.”

“First of all, I might be the nice guy, but I’ve always been grumpy,” Joel reminded Negan, lifting his head up from the ground to stare out at Negan with his thick jawline flexed. “And stop talking about favorites. You’re going to be the one losing your balls if Y/N hears you. It makes her feel bad and you know that.”

“She’s not here,” Negan lowered down pressing in over Joel, balancing his weight over his lover making Joel sigh loudly. “You pretend like you don’t like to hear stuff like that, but you fucking do. You know it. You want to be the person that everyone loves the most. You like being the rock in this family. You want everyone to love you the most.”

“Oh, I do?” Joel’s eyebrow arched in curiosity with the warmth of Negan’s breath over his lips. “Tell me more about what I want.”

“Well,” Negan’s palm lowered between them to cup Joel making Joel let out a tense breath. “I’m sure right now you would much rather your cock in my mouth than doing this physical therapy session with me.”

“Well no shit Sherlock,” Joel teased, his hips arching up toward Negan’s touch making a rumble of a laugh fall from Negan’s throat. “I guess I should be thankful it’s only my leg and foot I can’t feel. I think it enhances the feeling on my co…”

The sound of the door starting to pull open was heard and Joel swiftly slid back on the ground to get away from Negan knowing that it could have been one of the kids at the door. When it was Y/N that was there, Joel let out a relieved breath and dropped his head back on the grass.

“Negan, did you move the peppermint for the tea?” Y/N called out to Negan who got up on his knees, resting back while he thought things over. “I’m just not feeling great and I can’t find it.”

“I think it’s in the furthest cabinet on the right on the top shelf babe,” Negan winked seeing her smile and give him a thumbs up when she headed back into the house. Negan took a minute to think about what she had just said while Joel raised up on his elbows.

“What?” Joel realized that there was something on Negan’s mind after she had mentioned needing the peppermint tea. “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing,” Negan shook his head and cleared his throat, getting up slowly from the ground. Patting his hands off on his pants, Joel was giving Negan the side eye and Negan shrugged his shoulders. “What?”

“I know that look. Something is wrong,” Joel responded with a shake of his head, trying to brace himself up. “What is it?”

“I mean, she’s feeling sick a lot lately. I see her hiding it, but she’s dizzy a lot and I just…” Negan took in a long sigh, pressing his hands in over his hips. “I’m worried about her.”

“It might just be the stress of me,” Joel suggested making Negan frown and shrug his shoulders again dramatically. “If it keeps happening, I’ll try to convince her to see the doctor. Just pay attention and if it keeps happening, we will say something. You are right though. On Lucy’s birthday, she didn’t really want to eat anything. Usually, we all love her cake and you were there to make some good food.”

“Right?” Negan breathed feeling a bit worried when he thought about everything that had been going on. In the months that Joel had been injured, they had Lucy’s birthday and Nolan’s. Those were two of the really good days that all of them had, but Joel wasn’t wrong. Shaking his head, Negan didn’t want his fears getting the worst of him when he looked down at Joel again. “We need to get you moving again because it was Nolan’s birthday wish to get you better.”

“We have to be realistic Negan, I’m trying, but if my body isn’t capable…” Joel frowned looking down to his injured leg showing that he could roll it a bit because he still have movement in his hip, but other than that there wasn’t much more that he could do. “I would do anything for that boy, y’know that.”

“I do, but I still don’t feel like you’re trying hard enough,” Negan reached for Joel to help him up from the ground. Giving Joel his cane, Negan stretched out his lengthy body and groaned. “We need to get you to start trying to not count on that cane to move Joel.”

“Oh yeah? How do you suggest we do that?” Joel balanced his weight, a loud grunt falling from his throat when he hit the ground hard. Negan had kicked his cane out from underneath him. This time Joel was actually hurt and Negan realized he could have done that better after he let out an uncomfortable breath. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Well, what are you going to do if I’m not here? How are you going to get up?” Negan reached for Joel’s cane making Joel hiss out when he pushed himself up into a seated position showing that he had actually scratched himself up a bit in the fall.

“You do realize my leg is still healing, right?” Joel was actually frustrated this time and Negan could see it. “That was really stupid. It could have hurt my leg more.”

“After I did it, I realized how fucking idiotic it was. Yes,” Negan swung Joel’s cane about watching Joel reach out for the cane as if demanding it from Negan. “Nope. You have to get up on your own Joel.”

“Damn it Negan, give it back,” Joel snapped from where he was laid out on the ground, his face angry and his southern drawl full of venom. The sound of the door opening was heard again and it was obvious that Y/N had seen Joel’s fall which drew her outside, but Negan held his hand up to make her wait. A disappointed breath fell from her throat when she realized this was one of Negan’s ploys. “I can’t move without the fucking thing.”

“At some point, we’re going to have to get you to try to put some strength back on that leg so you won’t need this,” Negan spun the cane around watching Joel trying to pull himself up, his face turning red when he did it. “Try and get up on your own.”

“I can’t move my fucking leg,” Joel snarled and Negan looked to his injured leg making Negan shrug his shoulders dramatically and hold his arms up in the air. Trying to pull himself up again, Joel let out a sound that made it seem like he was in excruciating pain when he dropped back in the grass and covered his face with his large hands. “You are the worst physical therapist. Who the hell takes away a disabled man’s cane so he will fall on the fucking ground?”

“Listen, you’re dropping a whole lot of fuck bombs on me, but you’re not trying to get up here,” Negan pointed out making Joel’s hands drag down over his face to glare out at Negan. “What happened to the master of meditation. Most people would have not lived through what you did out there Joel. You taught me that meditation helps you turn your brain off to the pain. You got hurt and I know you’re in pain, but you’re the one that was so big on meditation. Turn off those pain receptors and get up.”

“I can’t even meditate right now Negan. I can’t move my leg like that,” Joel threw his hands up in defeat before shaking his head. “I don’t even know how I lived through that attack Negan. Twice I should have died and I didn’t.”

“No, I don’t like that attitude. You fought. You showed me where you were on the map. Remember? We marked the areas for people to avoid The Empty when they went out on future runs. I know how far you made it on death’s door Joel. Your leg didn’t work then, but you made it miles on your own bleeding out,” Negan reminded Joel how he had found him originally when he was injured. “Do you remember what you told me when I found you? I couldn’t believe you made it that far and you told me that you kept thinking of one thing.”

“My family,” Joel grumbled under his breath, his cheeks flushing over with red when he felt bad about himself and the person he had become. He went from being potentially the strongest person in Arcadia to being disabled because of his leg. “I wish I could control this Negan.”

“I think your brain is holding you back,” Negan pointed at his head, clearing his throat with an uneven breath. “You don’t think you deserve to be happy. We talked about this. You think because of what you did to escape that you don’t deserve to be here. You’re depressed. You’re letting that control your mind. But you did what you had to in order to survive and get back to your family. Now, we just have to get you back to somewhat normal so you can continue to protect your family.”

“They still have you Negan,” Joel reminded Negan with a frown, lowering his head to look down at his leg. Hitting at his leg made Joel let out a frustrated sound while Negan lowered down to stare out at Joel with a shake of his head. “I have been trying Negan. I’m trying.”

“I am nowhere near as strong as you are. I would have died out there if it happened to me,” Negan suggested, his hazel eyes suddenly very serious seeing that Joel was getting emotional over the fact that he felt useless. “I know you better than anyone Joel. You still have nightmares about what you did. I can tell because every night you shake. Y/N might think your nightmares are about what happened to you, but it’s what you did to those people. Those people who wanted to kill you and your family. Stop letting them control you.”

“Negan,” Joel went to say something, but his emotions were still high and he lowered his head. “I wish I could blame that when it comes to my leg.”

“It’s part of it. You aren’t allowing yourself to get better. Think about your family. Think about Lucy, Nolan, Y/N, me…” Negan slowly stood up watching Joel’s forehead crease while his eyes followed Negan’s movements. There was a sadness and a sense of anger in Joel’s eyes while he stared up at Negan. “You can be mad at me all you want, but you know I’m right. So, get up.”

“I can’t you dumbass,” Joel snarled at his husband managing to slide back on the grass trying to pull himself up, grimacing while he struggled to even get himself up to his good knee. “What part of I can’t move my leg doesn’t register in that brain of yours?”

“You’re being very fucking cranky,” Negan pointed his finger out spinning it in the direction of Joel noticing the way that Joel’s green-hazel eyes were locked on him with a sense of rage. “If you’re not going to be able to use that leg again, then you are going to have to learn to make yourself useful without it.”

“Give him his cane back Negan,” Y/N finally called out from where she was standing on the steps making both men turn their heads to look at her. Joel lowered his head embarrassed that she was there and he stroked his fingers through his short hair. Although it was amusing that both men had the same haircut previously, Joel had cut his hair on his own after a few people called him Negan. Now he had a similar haircut that was close to what he had when she had first met him.

“No,” Negan shook his head, making Y/N walk out to them and he kept a firm hold of the cane. “He doesn’t have faith that he will get better so he never will. If he has a reason to keep moving then he will start having faith.”

“You know just as well as I do that the doctor said there was that chance that my leg would never move again,” Joel reminded Negan who continued to wait for Joel to try to move. Bracing himself, Joel started trying to pull himself up attempting to pull his leg with him to use it as a brace. “Negan, give me the damn cane.”

“Come take it from me,” Negan held it out for Joel watching Joel’s face scrunch up in frustration. Joel’s face was turning red while he tried using his arm strength to pull himself up, but ultimately Joel just fell back on the ground in defeat. After giving up, Nolan had obviously spotted him on the ground when he was passing the front door and Negan’s son stepped out on the porch with a sense of worry flooding his features.

“Dad?” Nolan muttered from the stairs seeing that Joel moved his arm that was resting over his eyes to see the worried expression over Nolan’s features. “Do you need help?”

“Shit,” Joel let out a saddened breath knowing that having his son seeing him fail was not something that he wanted Nolan to see. “I just needed a breather, Nolan. I’ll be okay.”

“I can come help you,” Nolan stepped down the steps, his concerned eyes gazing over Joel. Joel looked conflicted now that he had both Nolan and Y/N watching him ultimately be a failure and not being able to help himself. “I know you can do this, but I know that it also has to hurt. So I understand if you can’t.”

Joel gave Negan one final glare before grabbing his injured leg to place it a certain way before groaning out pushing himself up onto one knee. Using his strength, Joel shakily stammered to his feet, falling forward only to be caught by Negan who gave him a proud smile, “See, I told you that you could get up.”

“That hurt like hell,” Joel whispered trying to grimace through the pain when he reached for the cane that was in Negan’s hand. Bopping Negan on the head with the cane he heard Negan huff out when Joel limped over toward Nolan. “I’m sorry buddy.”

“He really just hit me with his cane like a ninety-year-old man,” Negan pointed out with a surprised expression when Y/N moved in beside him. Nolan was helping Joel toward the steps of the porch to get him to sit down.

“Probably the best use he’s found with that cane,” Y/N declared with a frown when she reached out to stroke her hands in over the center of Negan’s chest. “You kind of deserved worse than that. That was quite malicious what you had done.”

“He was able to get up, wasn’t he?” Negan whispered, pulling her in closer to him so he could wrap her up in his arms. Negan nuzzled his nose in against the side of Y/N’s neck before lifting his stare to see that Nolan was hugging Joel who seemed lost inside of himself. “He needs to be persuaded the hard way to fix himself Y/N. A lot of what is going on with him is mental.”

“What does that mean?” Y/N lifted her head to look up at him with a worried stare.

“It means…” Negan knew that Joel told him everything about what happened with those in The Empty that Joel killed, but Joel never told Y/N about it. There was no way that he could just blurt it out to Y/N because that wasn’t his place to tell anyone what Joel told him in confidence. “He just thinks a lot about what happened when The Empty took him. He needs to think about his family. Family is the one thing that persuades Joel to do things. You saw how he reacted when Nolan came out. He did it for him. Joel needs family to help him get strong. It was an asshole thing for me to do and I know that, but it worked. The power of persuasion when it comes to things you love is really big.”

Looking over her shoulder, Y/N saw the way Joel was cuddling Nolan in close to him and it was visible that Joel was emotional about what he had just done, but she didn’t know if what Negan had just done actually helped him or not.

----

“Hey you,” Y/N moved into the bedroom after Joel had asked Negan for help going up the stairs to rest for a while. Joel was laid out at the center of the bed, his arms folded behind his head while he stared up at the ceiling. It was obvious that he was deep in thought. When he heard her, his head lowered and his green-hazel eyes met hers. “You okay?”

“Where are Negan and the kids?” Joel used his arm strength to pull himself up into a seated position on the bed, pressing his back against the headboard.

“Negan is doing some work around the farm and they wanted to help him,” she informed Joel, closing the door behind her and heading over toward the bed to sit beside Joel. It was the first time she had really gotten to have some alone time with Joel in quite some time so she took it. Negan asked if she wanted to help with the farm work, but her mind was on Joel and how he had been feeling lately. “You didn’t answer me.”

“I’m here,” Joel responded with a sigh, shrugging with his answer. “I’m kind of a mess.”

“You’re my favorite mess,” she reached out to brush her fingers into Joel’s short hair, letting out an amused breath that made him tip his head to the side. “I miss your longer hair.”

“You actually liked that side sweep, huh?” Joel lifted his hand up to wrap his fingers loosely around Y/N’s wrist, caressing the pad of his thumb over her pulse point. “I’ll try and let it grow out. I just didn’t like the cut that Negan gave me. Him and I are completely different sizes, but people were always calling me Negan because of the hair. I’m okay with him and Nolan having the same haircut, but it just feels weird with me having it. It was an edgy cut and I’ve never been…like that. Negan and I are very different…”

“No shit…” she breathed out with a wink making Joel laugh before sighing and hooking his fingers with hers. “Are you okay with Negan doing physical therapy with you? I realize he’s a bit of a brute and things would probably be better if the doctors were actually making time for you instead.”

“Negan is perfect, he just gets on my nerves and that’s probably a good thing,” Joel informed her with a simple shake of his head. Joel knew that Y/N was nervous about how things were and he didn’t blame her, but he couldn’t help getting angry with Negan sometimes just because he wasn’t used to that kind of behavior. Joel knew Negan was good for him though. “I need someone to give me shit and give me a hard time. Not someone who is going to baby me. Someone who coddles me isn’t going to help me. Negan understands that, which is why he is perfect. He wants me better. I know that. I just get grumpy sometimes, especially when I’m in pain.”

“Oh, you get grumpy sometimes?” she teased him with a mischievous smile that made Joel roll his eyes and snicker. “I wouldn’t know that. It’s not like I’ve been married to you for over twelve years or anything.”

“Oh hush,” Joel waved his free hand about. “I agree that some of Negan’s choices are questionable, but they are effective.”  

“Lay down,” she instructed making Joel tip his head to the side and she spun her finger in the air multiple times. “You listen to Negan, now listen to me. I’m going to give you a massage. I think you deserve it after everything you’ve gone through today.”

“Oh, well then I’m okay with that,” Joel declared sliding down in the bed, letting out an awkward breath when she crawled in over him. Swallowing down hard, Joel’s lips parted and he let out a sigh when she started rubbing his shoulders. There was definitely some pain in the shoulder he had been shot in, but he assumed it would be sore for a majority of his life. “You know, I didn’t think you would be mounting me in order to give me a massage.”

“Typical male,” she rolled her eyes while caressing down over the center of his chest before back toward his shoulders again. It made Joel’s eyebrows bounce up and he looked down between them to see that her hips were hovering over his. “Turn off the horny for a minute.”

“Right…like you didn’t know that crawling in over me like this wouldn’t get my mind thinking things,” Joel snorted, his eyebrow arching in curiosity while her caress slid down over his abdomen. A frown tugged at his lips when she adjusted her positioning so she was no longer over him and she was caressing over his injured leg. “That was rude.”

“I was actually just trying to make you feel better,” her nose wrinkled and she smirked while she caressed over his body trying to work out the tight muscles. “I think he’s working you too hard.”

“Sometimes I think he should work me harder because I need to progress better. It’s been a few months, I should be better off than this. If I don’t start to get some feeling in my leg, there is a strong chance that I may never get it back. I don’t want that,” Joel acknowledged with a wince when she slid her fingers further up over toward his hip making him smirk. “That’s where I was stabbed and I do feel that.”

“I’m sorry,” she pulled back, pushing at the material of his sweatpants that he was wearing to look at the healing flesh that was there from where he had been stabbed. At this point it was mostly just a scar, but she could imagine that it was definitely sensitive for him. “It looks okay.”

“I’m scarred to high hell,” Joel frowned knowing that he had already had that major scar on his abdomen and back from before, but now he was covered in them. “Might as well just label me as Scar because I probably have more than anyone here.”

“And you’re still incredibly sexy,” she hushed him continuing to rub down over his injured leg. After a while, she started to notice that there was a tent at the center of Joel’s sweatpants and her eyes lifted to his. “Are you sure you don’t feel anything?”

“I don’t,” Joel was honest, his chest rising and falling heavily when he saw that her eyes were focused over the center of his pants. “Yeah, we found out that my dick still works and I’m really sorry, but I see you caressing my leg like that after you were just mounting me…the blood just started flowing there. I’m sorry. I might not be feeling you touching my leg, but my mind is thinking…things and I’m so sorry dear. I’m a man and I’ve not really had a lot of sex in the last few months. Not that that’s a good excuse.”

“No, please don’t say I’m sorry. I’m glad that I can still, well…” she smirked continuing to caress over Joel’s thigh making him grumble and cover his eyes. “I’m glad that I can still make you hard. The two of us haven’t slept together since that night at the apartments. So I wasn’t sure if I could still make you get an erection.”

“Obviously,” Joel chuckled pulling his hands away from his eyes, raising up on his elbows. The facial expression he had made it seem like he thought she was insane for even thinking that he wouldn’t be turned on by her. “The day before I got hurt you rode the hell out of me. I mean, that was some of the best sex I’ve had in a very long time. You took control, you knew what you wanted and shit it was incredible. Why wouldn’t you get me hard?”

“I don’t know, I have bad self-esteem sometimes,” she shrugged, caressing her hands up and over Joel’s hips making him suck in a sharp breath. It had been an exceedingly long time since she had slept with either Negan or Joel. They were all just so busy that by the end of the day they were all so exhausted and they just crashed once they finally had alone time. “You know me.”

“I do know you. You are the sexiest woman I have ever known, you should never feel bad about yourself. You are the best mother, the biggest badass and so beautiful,” Joel growled noticing the way that her fingertips slid in underneath the waistband of his sweatpants to caress at the flesh that was right beneath it. “I guess I should be happy that part of me still works. I was worried at first that I wouldn’t be able to feel things or get it up.”

“Sit up,” she ordered Joel and without question he did what she asked of him. Reaching for the t-shirt that he was wearing, she pulled it up his body and tossed it aside on the floor. Placing her hand at the center of his chest, she urged him to lean back against the bed. Joel’s breathing grew louder while she palmed down over the center of his chest and over his lower abdomen. Joel’s eyebrow arched when she focused on the scars that were left over his chiseled form.

“You feel bad for me when you see my scars,” Joel pointed out with a loud swallow knowing that he was still self-conscious about them. “I’ve lost some of my muscle definition and now I’m covered in scars. You and Negan always loved my chest and my arms.”

“I love every part of you,” she hushed him, lowering down to kiss over the scars that were left over his flesh. Taking her time, she could feel Joel caressing over her shoulders and it made her smile. “You act like you’ve got a dad bod and you don’t. If anything, your chest and arms are still exceedingly nice because you are bracing the entirety of your strength on them. But even if you had a bit of a belly, which you don’t, I would still find you crazy sexy.”

“You’re too good to me,” Joel lifted his fingers, to caress over her jawline when taking in a sharp breath.

“And you’re too good for me, yet…here we are,” she dragged her fingers through the dark hair covering his torso. Getting on her knees, she hovered over him for a moment before depositing a kiss over his lips making him hum in the moment. The placement of her kisses lowered from his lips, down over his jawline following the lengths of his body down over the center of his chest and toward his lower abdomen. Wet kisses continued at the waistband of his sweatpants before she reached for the top of his pants. Covering his hips with faint, tender kisses had him taking in a sharp breath before moaning out.

“Y/N, you don’t have to feel empathy for me you know,” Joel noticed the way she was pampering the certain areas of his torso that would make him a shuddering mess.

“I don’t,” she breathed hearing Joel chuckle when she said it so blatantly like that. Lifting her head, a wicked smirk was pressed in over her features as she shrugged her shoulders. “What I mean is that I’m more so turned on by the idea of you getting a hard on over this. It has nothing to do with empathy.”

“Oh, I see,” Joel nodded, his head tipping back when he laughed and he felt her tugging at the waistband of his sweatpants making him groan when the warmth of her fingers wrapped around his solid length. “I think you and Negan just like the idea of taking advantage of a disabled man.”

“I mean, you’re not wrong,” she teased him placing soft kisses over his rigid manhood making Joel’s brow line crease. Licking his lips, Joel reached out with his hand to stroke over the side of Y/N’s face. “It does have a certain appeal to it.”

“The two of you are crazy,” Joel breathed letting out a sigh when she wrapped her fingers around his shaft and brought him to her lips. When she parted her wet lips and took him in her mouth, Joel let out a moan and did his best to keep his eyes focused on her. “I don’t know if I’m ever going to get better between you and Negan. Not that I’m going to want to if the two of you are going to keep pampering me like this.”

Joel let out an immediate groan when he felt her taking him back in her throat. The motion had his hips arching up toward her involuntarily and a wet sound filled the air. Looking down, he enjoyed the sight of his wife pleasuring him and bit down on his bottom lip. It felt like both Negan and Y/N were out to pamper him and he didn’t know if it was because they felt bad for him, but he wasn’t about to complain.

“Y/N,” Joel panted lifting up on his elbows while he watched her pleasuring him. Closing his eyes, Joel felt his jaw tensing up and he shook his head. “Stop, stop.”

“What’s wrong?” she pulled her mouth from his body with a wet sound watching the way that he pulled himself up against the headboard again.

“Take your pants off,” Joel instructed seeing her smirk before getting up from the bed. Joel cleared his throat when he watched her head over to the door to lock it. Joel felt his heart skip a beat when she stripped off her pants and her panties before crawling in over him. “I wish we had more interesting positions we could do here, but I’m kind of limited at the moment.”

“You know I like being in control,” she hushed him, letting out a tense sound when Joel reached for her shirt and tugged it up over the lengths of her body when she lowered her hips in closer to him.

“Oh, I’m very aware,” Joel slurred, his eyebrows bouncing up when she reached between the two of them to lead him into her making them both release a moan when he entered her. Taking some time to lower herself down over him, she got used to the feeling again while she felt Joel’s hands caressing up and over the sides of her body. Fumbling with the back of her bra, Joel had some issues getting her bra open making her laugh. “I’m trying here…”

“Right,” she started confidently moving her hips over his, meeting his lips in a fervent kiss. Joel finally got the material pulled apart before pulling it from her arms to toss it beside the bed.

“Fuck,” Joel buried his nose against the side of Y/N’s neck while she rolled her hips over his body causing desperate moans to fall from his throat. “I hate to say this…but being injured hasn’t been that bad. I mean, it’s bad, but I’ve like some of the benefits.”

“What?” she chuckled with a chill flooding her spine when Joel’s fingers dug firmly into her hips. “Why would you say something like that?”

“You and Negan have been pampering the fuck out of me and this whole being controlled thing? I’m all for it,” Joel nipped a the side of her neck, moaning loudly when she used his body in a way that made her feel good. “It makes me not want to get better.”

“You’re ridiculous,” she purred, tugging at his hair making him growl out. Joel’s right arm slid firmly around her waist, helping her movements over his manhood before his head dropped down to kiss over the side of her neck, toward her collarbone and down between the valley of her breasts. The pampered kisses had her tipping her head back while she continued to roll her hips over his enjoying the way that he felt inside of her. A whimper escaped her throat when she felt his tongue lapping at her nipple before suckling tenderly at it. Sliding his left hand up her body, he cupped her breast in his palm making her wince. “Jesus Joel!”

“What’d I do?” Joel jumped, his head pulling back and away when he saw her reaching for her breast to touch it. “What is it?”

“It’s just…tender,” she explained, blowing it off watching his hands settle at her hips. Joel’s eyes were staring at her breasts, his lips parted while he looked her over. After a while, she noticed the way he was looking at her. “What?”

“Are you pregnant?” Joel blurt out making Y/N let out an offended sound and immediately he regretted asking it. “Oh, I don’t mean that in a bad way.”

“Am I looking fat?” she questioned making Joel shake his head. It seemed like he was at a loss for words, trying to not offend her, but he couldn’t help letting out an anxious laugh. “Why would you even ask me that?”

“Well…” Joel felt her movements stop over him and he groaned out, dropping his head back against the headboard. “Please…please don’t stop.”

“Joel!” she hit at the center of his chest hearing him groan, biting into his bottom lip while she stayed stagnant over him.

“Negan said you’ve been feeling dizzy, you’re nauseous, your breasts are tender…I’ve been with you every time you’ve been pregnant,” Joel suggested, gazing over her breasts and offering up a wicked smirk. “And your breasts look…bigger. Not that they aren’t looking incredible all the time because they do, but…”

“I’m not pregnant Joel,” she snorted watching Joel throw his hands up in the air almost in a defensive position. “I’m not.”

“Okay, I was wrong. I’m sorry,” Joel apologized, caressing in over the side of her neck leaning up to kiss her over and over again. It drew her to wrap her arms around his shoulders so she had some advantage in the power of her movements over him. When things felt good, she would add more strength to her movements making Joel moan out. Digging her fingers into his hair, she felt her own heart racing while she worked to bring the both of them to an orgasm. “I love you so much.”

While having Joel hold her in his arms, she knew that she was breathless while she tried to think about what he had mentioned. Trying to recall the last time she had her period, she really couldn’t think about it. She had been so focused on the town and everything happening that she wasn’t really thinking about her period. Then again, it wouldn’t have been the first time that she had gone a few months without having her period. It’s just since Arcadia had been properly established, she had noticed she was pretty regular.

Kissing at the side of Joel’s neck, she stroked her fingers through Joel’s short beard and took her time to gather herself. There was no way that she would have been pregnant. The last time she had sex was months ago with Negan and Joel. She’d be bigger than this by now. Right?

----

After Joel had fallen asleep, Y/N had headed back downstairs where she knew that Negan was with the children. The sounds of giggling was heard making her head toward the office to stand at the partially opened doorway. Leaning against the door frame, she watched Negan read a story to both Lucy and Nolan who were cuddled up with him. Negan was reading to them in silly voices making them both laugh at his antics which brought her extreme amounts of happiness.

Watching them together made her think about what Joel had asked her earlier. It made her think back on how she didn’t want to have another child because worrying about Nolan and Lucy was more than enough for her. When Negan kept pushing for them to have another child, she wasn’t very pro that decision because she thought having one son and one daughter was more than enough. So what if she was pregnant? Right now really wasn’t the time for that. Joel and Negan were both great fathers, but Joel was injured and could barely move on his own without his cane.

There was so much going on. The Empty was still out there. Joel was trying to get better. She was in charge of the community. A pregnancy just wasn’t in the playing cards right now, so she hoped that maybe it was a thought of Joel’s that may have just been brought about by him maybe not realizing his own power in the way that he touched her breast. At least, that was the most she could hope for.

As Negan finished up with the story, Lucy cuddled in closer beside Negan and looked up at him, “You should read us another story.”

“It’s bedtime Sunshine,” Negan closed up the book and set it down in his lap before curling his arms around both Nolan and Lucy’s shoulder to bring them in for a big group hug. “We have a busy day tomorrow. I promise I will read another story to you tomorrow.”

“Dad, come on,” Nolan tried to push his father for another story making Negan let out a long exhale.

“Just read them another one, you know they are going to sucker you into it,” Y/N muttered surprising the three of them that she was there watching them. Negan smirked and pointed over toward the shelves of the books that Joel had collected in his time being at Arcadia. “You’re a sucker. I hope you know that.”

“Runs in the family,” Negan joked watching Y/N head over toward the shelves to look for a certain book. When she found it, she handed it over to Negan watching the way he eyed over the book.

“This was Nolan’s favorite when he was Lucy’s age. You don’t mind if Negan reads this one, do you?” Y/N questioned her son and immediately Nolan shook his head. Sitting beside Nolan, she pulled him into her arms and heard her son laughing when she kissed at the side of his face. “I love you so much. You know that?”

“I love you too mom,” Nolan got comfortable in her arms allowing her to hold onto him while they all got comfortable on the couch together. It wasn’t a short story and Y/N knew that, but she wanted to spend some time with her family. The last few months were so busy that she didn’t really feel like she had a lot of down time with her children. So this was something that she was going to enjoy.

It was already late into the night, so by the time that they were done, Lucy had fallen asleep against Negan’s chest and Nolan was still awake, but just barely. Negan finished with the book and set it aside on the couch.

“You want to take the little one and I’ll get the big guy?” Negan looked down at Lucy, caressing over her shoulders with a smile.

“Deal,” Y/N gave a wink, carefully standing up before picking Lucy up in her arms. Lucy wrapped her arms around Y/N’s shoulders. Lucy’s tired eyes opened and she waved with a yawn.

“Goodnight Ne…daddy,” Lucy had to correct herself making Negan smile that she was trying so hard to remember to call him dad now. He told her that she didn’t have to, but she kept at it. “Goodnight Nolan.”

“Goodnight Lucy,” Nolan waved to his little sister, laughing when he felt Negan picking him up and throwing him over his shoulder. Nolan’s laughter filled the air when Negan spun him around. Clutching to his father tightly, he heard Negan snickering as well before carrying Nolan up the stairs like this. “You’re not going to drop me, are you?”

“Of course not,” Negan stammered following Y/N up the stairs keeping a strong hold of Nolan. “Dang kiddo. You are super fucking tall and you’re just twelve. You’re going to be taller than me when you’re fully grown.”

“Dad,” Nolan gasped when Negan pulled him forward to hold Nolan in his arms making Negan smile. “I’m never going to forgive you if you drop me.”

“I would never drop you,” Negan assure his son heading toward Nolan’s bedroom to carefully lower Nolan into his bed. With a wink, Negan reached for Nolan’s covers to start pulling them up and over his son’s body. “I love you kiddo. See, no dropping.”

“One day, I’m going to carry you like that. I hope you know that,” Nolan pushed Negan in the chest playfully before Negan lowered down to press a kiss over Nolan’s forehead.

“I have no doubts about that. You’re going to be a strong little man,” Negan gave his son a wink before rubbing his fingers through his son’s matching haircut. Tipping his head to the side, Negan couldn’t help but find himself happy while he stared down at his son. “Get some sleep. I need your help around the farm tomorrow.”

“You got it,” Nolan offered up a big smile to his father before looking to his bedroom door to see that Y/N was standing there waiting for Negan. “Goodnight mom.”

“Goodnight baby,” Y/N moved into the room to lower down to press a kiss over Nolan’s forehead making Nolan smile happily. “You’re always going to be my baby, no matter how big you get. You know that, right?”

“Of course,” Nolan reached up to place his hand in over Y/N’s seeing the way that she was staring down at him. “What is it?”

“Nothing, I just really love you,” Y/N muttered with a whisper, stroking her fingers through Nolan’s hair. “You and your sister mean everything to me.”

“We know that,” Nolan insisted with a nod of his head, reaching for the teddy bear that was his that he still kept with him in bed. “I love you and both of my dads very much.”

“We know you do buddy,” Negan assured his son with a sigh, getting up from the bed and heading for the door. Y/N gave Nolan another kiss on the head before heading for the door. Negan smiled, waving to Nolan who waved back and cuddled into his bed. “Goodnight little man.”

When they closed the door, Negan and Y/N stood in the hallway. It was silent, Negan’s hazel eyes staring into hers when he looked over toward their bedroom, “How is Joel?”

“He’s in better spirits,” she didn’t exactly want to elaborate what that meant considering what went down between them. “I told him I thought you were being too hard on him, but he thinks you’re the best possible physical therapist he can get. He doesn’t want to have someone who is going to baby him. He thinks your way of doing things actually helps him more than anyone else could.”

“Ah, see, I know how to work with him,” Negan smirked, reaching up to stroke at the back of his neck letting out a long sigh. “It took a while to figure it out but getting him angry is the best way to make him do things. Either that or using his family. I really do think sometimes it’s more so a lock in his mind. Sometimes I notice him moving even if it’s not much. We’ve been working a lot together and it’s not me just being hopeful.”

“I wish that was true,” she looked toward the door with a worried expression. “Negan, what’s going on with him?”

“I…” Negan swallowed down hard, motioning her to follow him down the stairs again. When they headed to the office, he picked up the book he had left on the couch and returned it to its former position. Y/N took a seat on the couch and waited for Negan to say something, but when he turned to face her, he folded his arms out in front of his chest. “I can’t tell you.”

“What do you mean that you can’t tell me?” she tipped her head to the side, stroking down over the side of her face. “Joel is my husband you know. He was for over twelve years.”

“And he’s been my husband for about a half a year, I understand that you have that over me, but if you tell me something in confidence, I wouldn’t tell his ass either,” Negan explained, throwing his right hand up in the air. It was clear that he was conflicted with what he wanted to say to her, but ultimately, he sighed. “Just…some dark shit happened when he was taken by The Empty and it really bothers him. I think it’s blocking him from healing.”

“Are you suddenly a priest? He told you something in confidence?” she repeated what he said making Negan snort. “That’s not the Negan that I know.”

“The Negan you knew is not the same man that stands before you,” Negan insisted with a firm shake of his head. “I know I was a certain way for a long time, but I’m trying to be better. For you, for Joel…for the kids. I want to be the best version of me that I can be.”

“God, I want to be mad at you and then you go and say shit like that,” she sighed, lowering her head to bury her head into her hands. Negan sighed and headed to sit down beside her on the couch to caress over her shoulders in a supportive sweep. “I’m just really worried about him Negan. I don’t know what to do to help him.”

“Leave that bit to me,” Negan whispered, resting his head in against her shoulder while he took his time to caress over her back. “You both are so stressed. When all you really need to realize right now is that we are here. We are together. Family is the thing that keeps us all fighting. We need to cherish every moment of that.”

Lifting her head, Y/N’s eyes searched Negan’s before she swiftly move forward to wrap her fingers around the back of Negan’s neck to pull him into a kiss. It surprised Negan at first, but he eagerly kissed her back, his tongue brushing between her lips making her whimper. Gasping out, she felt Negan reaching for her leg to pull her in over his lap. Caressing up and over the sides of her body, Negan dropped his head back against the couch and cleared his throat.

“What was that for?” Negan’s fingers pushed underneath her shirt to stroke at her flesh at her lower back.

“I’m just very emotional lately,” she explained with a frown, cupping his face in her hands while stroking her thumbs over the sides of his face. “There is a lot going on and my brain is just…”

“It’s okay to get emotional sometimes,” Negan whispered, lifting up enough to press faint kisses all over her face before finally meeting her lips in another passionate kiss that took her breath away. “You’ve gone through a lot and I don’t think you’ve even had time to register. We found Joel and you had to just go straight into working again. You never take a break.”

“I’d be lost without you,” she whispered, dragging her thumb out over Negan’s bottom lip and he kissed at the pad of it. “I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here. I don’t think I could have been the leader and taken care of Joel at the same time. You don’t think he is upset with me for not having a lot of time to be with him, do you?”

“If anything, I think he feels bad that the weight of everything has fallen on your shoulders. He loves you so very much,” Negan informed her, dragging his thumb over her jawline making her lean into his touch. Lifting up, he pressed wet kisses down over the side of her neck and growled against her flesh. “We both do, you have to know that.”

“I slept with Joel today,” she blurt out making Negan snort and chuckle against the side of her neck making chills run down her spine. Pulling back, Negan’s thick eyebrows arched up and he shrugged. “I just thought I should tell you.”

“Good, do you want to sleep with me today too?” Negan offered making her half laugh before looking down between them. “Did you think I would get upset if you slept with Joel…or…? We’re all together. I want you two to still be as close as you were before I got here. But I don’t mind sleeping with you or him if you two already got it on earlier in the day.”

“I just don’t want to keep things from you,” she whispered watching Negan shrug his shoulders and let out another deep, raspy laugh.

“Thank you for telling me?” Negan bobbed his head about before adjusting her to lean her back against the couch. Reaching for her pants, he tugged them from her body and tossed them aside. “Just makes me hotter thinking about the two of you together. You never have to worry about that.”

“Negan,” she breathed out feeling him hooking his fingers into her panties to get them from her body as well before reaching for his belt to undo it. Licking her lips, she watched Negan pull down his zipper before opening his pants fully to reach inside to pull out his hard cock. Watching Negan stroke his fingers over his erection made her mouth go dry before letting out a nervous breath when Negan lowered in over her. Negan traced the tip of his length through her sensitive folds before leading his body to her entrance and pushing forward. A gasp fell from her throat before Negan’s lips claimed hers. This time Negan was in control of things and it was vastly different from what she had experienced with Joel, but she assumed that’s why Negan was doing it this way.

“Did you still like riding his hard cock?” Negan growled against her earlobe, taking his time to roll his hips against hers again and again. The soft smacks of their skin together filled the small office along with their faint moans. “Did he enjoy it?”

“He told me he never wants to get better if you and I keep pampering him like we do,” she informed Negan hearing him chuckle against the side of her neck. It made her shudder at the sensation before Negan started peppering kisses over her jawline. “Negan…”

Trying to silence her moans, she hooked her fingers into Negan’s hair and buried her head against the side of his neck knowing that she wasn’t very good at staying quiet. Pants filled the air and she could feel Negan slide his left hand up underneath her shirt, his large palm caressing in over her breast making her immediately wince.

“Fuck,” she hissed making Negan pull his hand back immediately, his eyes staring down at her wondering if he had done something to hurt her. After she had been so sensitive both times, she let out a long exhale and sighed. “Shit.”

“What’d I do?” Negan searched her eyes, his movements had stopped completely and he waited to make sure that everything was okay. “Y/N?”

“It’s nothing,” she pulled him down closer to her knowing that in her mind something was going on, but she didn’t want to throw it on him right now. “Just keep going.”

“Yes ma’am,” Negan agreed, lowering back in over her and taking his time to thrust over her. This was drawn out extensively and by the time they were done, they both were laying on the couch together with Negan having her wrapped up in his arms.

“I sometimes wonder if this whole thing happened because I was a bad person,” she informed Negan, drawing circles at his lower abdomen just under his navel from where his shirt was lifted up revealing his slender abdomen.

“Say what?” Negan grunted, his facial expression clearly confused when she lifted her head to look up at him.

“I don’t know Negan. I think sometimes my punishment for this was all of the shit we went through. I knew you were married when I was younger and I continued to see you. What we did to Lucille was awful. Maybe I deserved all the pain and suffering I went through,” she thought aloud making Negan immediately shake his head and let out a huff. “I was so hooked on the idea of you leaving Lucille for me because I loved you so fucking much that I never thought about how horrible I was actually being. Looking back on it now, I don’t blame Lucille for doing what she did to me. I was awful. If there is such a thing as the afterlife, Lucille deserves to knock me out with a right hook once I reach it.”

“To be fair, it’s all my fault that it was happening. I knew what I needed to do to keep you there,” Negan insisted with a grunt, his eyebrows showing an array of emotion while he tried to take in what she said. “Y/N, that’s all on me. You tried to leave me multiple times, but I always kept you there because I knew what to say and what to do. And even at that, this happened to the whole world Y/N. If this is your punishment, I’d say you lucked out. You got married to the nicest guy on the planet and he’s pretty fucking hot. You have two incredible fucking kids. You both are the leaders of this really nice community…”

“But I’ve almost lost Joel twice and to get to this point was rough. You and I were separated for twelve years Negan. I thought you were dead that whole time,” she lifted up to stroke down over the side of his face. “I loved you so much when I was younger, I would have done anything to be with you.”

“And you’re with me. And we have a beautiful son,” Negan hushed her, curling his finger in underneath her jaw and caressing tenderly over her flesh. “You are right here with me. Nothing is taking me away from you anytime soon. I’ve been trying to spend every day of my life making up on the missed time. That’s why I do what I do with you, Joel and the kids. I want to be there for you. And same with Ghost. He's around here somewhere just lounging around. I missed out on so much and I don’t want to regret the past or think about what could be. I like what we have right here and right now. Joel is still alive. You’re alive. I’m alive. We need to focus on that and be happy. We found our own little miracle in each other. And I’m not letting go of that.”

“I love you so much,” she whispered meeting his lips in a loving sweep. When she pulled away, she couldn’t help but feel her heart racing.

“I love you too,” Negan declared with a big smile and a wink before hearing the door creaking making Negan lift his head when he saw Ghost walking into the room to check in on them. It made Negan thankful that they had pulled their clothes back on. “There is the little man.”

Reaching out to stroke over Ghost’s ears, Negan couldn’t help but smile with the way their dog enjoyed the petting he was getting. After a few minutes, Ghost groaned and lowered down to the ground to get comfortable by the couch with them, “Ghost and I have the same attitude. We’re old, we’re tired and we love our family.”

“Negan,” she looked down at the dog they had gotten together, reaching her hand down to pet over Ghost’s fur. “You’re right about a lot of things you know. We’re lucky to be here. And family is the thing that makes Joel fight. I have a feeling he’s going to have a boost for that soon.”

----

“See, you made a lot of progress today,” Negan helped get Joel to the kitchen table once they had done Joel’s exercises outside. “And we didn’t even have to kick the cane out from you. You did it all on your own.”

“Thanks for not doing that,” Joel rest his cane against the table with a half-smile, accepting the glass of water that Negan brought to him. After they started to get comfortable at the table, they heard the sound of the front door opening.

“Hey?” Y/N called out making Negan look back over his shoulder. “Anyone home?”

“In the kitchen,” Negan hollered out hearing her swiftly moving through the house. When she realized it was just the two of them, she tipped her head to the side. “They are doing their homework upstairs because I promised them if they did, we would go get ice cream tonight and camp outside again.”

“What’s wrong?” Joel noticed the way that Y/N was breathing heavily. There was some color in her cheeks and he shifted forward in the chair that he was in. “Y/N?”

“I think this is something that you both need to hear,” Y/N began seeing the way that Joel stared out at her with big eyes. “I know it’s horrible timing. I know it’s wrong to have this happen now, but…”

“But?” Joel pulled himself up with a groan and wrapped his fingers firmly around the cane that helped to keep him balanced. “You’re making me nervous darlin’.”

“I’m pregnant,” she stammered making the glass that was in Negan’s hand drop to the ground and shatter. A moment later Negan was picking her up in his arms and spinning her around making her laugh. That was a pretty immediate reaction that had impressed Y/N. She knew this was everything that Negan had wanted and he proved that in his response. “You might want to be careful with that. I’m very nauseated right now.”

“I’m sorry,” Negan set her down on her feet and cupped her face in his hands. Negan let out a happy sound and Y/N turned her head to see Joel limping across the room to her. Pulling from Negan she headed over to Joel feeling his arm hooking around her shoulders to pull her into a hug and bury his nose against the side of her neck when he hugged her. “When did you find out?”

“Well I wasn’t feeling very good,” she answered noticing that Joel was holding her longer than normal, but she knew it was a special moment as she stroked her fingers through his hair. “I threw up a few times and just thought it was from the stress, but the other day when I was with Joel and he touched my breast, it hurt like hell. Originally, I thought it was Joel just unaware of his strength because he was injured, but he mentioned that he thought I was pregnant. I blew it off because I didn’t…I didn’t think things were good for that right now. But then when you touched my breast later in the day, it was still incredibly sensitive and that’s when I knew that Joel was right when you put things together.”

“See, sometimes I know what I’m talking about,” Joel grunted against the side of her neck, pressing a quick kiss there before pulling back enough to look her over. “Next time, don’t think I’m trying to call you fat or anything like that.”

“You thought she was pregnant and you didn’t say anything?” Negan grumbled making Joel’s face twist with confusion. “I thought she was pregnant, but I kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want to assume things.”

“Well congratulations you were both right,” she tossed her hands up in the air, seeing the way that Joel leaned against the edge of the table to help balance himself before reaching for her hand.  

“How far along?” Joel’s deep, raspy southern drawl questioned, stroking his thumb over the back of her hand. Negan moved forward and reached for her other hand making her let out a nervous breath.

“I think we all know the answer to that. It has to be from the week that everything fell to shit. The other day is the first time I slept with you both since then,” Y/N announced, sliding her palm in over her stomach making the both of them nod. “The doc is going to get the ultrasound up and running. We’re going to be able to see it soon. I thought I would be bigger by now since that was months ago, but the doctor told me this is normal, so I guess…he thinks everything is okay right now.”

“Well then you definitely don’t know who the father is because you slept with Joel and I within a twenty-four-hour time-span,” Negan concluded making her nod slowly as he let out a tense breath.

“We weren’t going to care who the father was if she ended up getting pregnant,” Joel reminded Negan of what they had said previously, his green-hazel eyes locked on his lover when Negan mentioned it. “Remember? As long as she was pregnant the both of us would act accordingly. We are both the father. It doesn’t matter who the biological father is.”

“Of course it doesn’t matter,” Negan took a minute to agree with Joel, a half smirk pressing in over his features when Joel wrapped his arm around Y/N’s shoulders to give her a hug again before allowing her to go to Negan. Negan’s thick eyebrows bounced up when he reached out to caress the back of his palm over her abdomen. “I can’t believe I finally get to be here for this…”

“We’re going to have to figure some stuff out here because this is going to be hard,” she spoke up enough to get Negan’s attention. “Having a baby isn’t easy. Especially with everything that has been going on. It’s going to be hard. We have to tell the kids and it’s going to take a shit load of planning. I hope you know that.”

“I’m ready,” Negan nodded his head, visibly the most excited of the three of them. “I’ll do whatever I have to make this whole thing work because I’ve never wanted something more than this in my whole life.”

[scribblestatic]

Chub Izu, baby hamster. Usual potential fat shaming warning applies.

Sixth Trial: Seated Toe touch

Izuku's actually quite flexible, all things considered, so it's easier for him to do it than some people might suspect based on his weight. In fact, he's able to grip his feet without much of an issue. Meanwhile, a few others have trouble reaching their toes at all. Others, like Tsuyu, are able to lay with her chest completely flat to the ground, reaching past her feet entirely.

Tooru claims to be touching her feet and simply moving her hands away when someone tries to prove it. Aizawa allows that to count as a function of her quirk, but also gives her gloves just to see if she actually reaches. Surprisingly, she's quite flexible as well, reaching past her feet.

"Hahaha, you thought I was lying didn't you?" she jokes, laughing playfully at the kids who doubted her.

Seventh Trial: Upper Body Exercises

The upper body exercises involve more than just a single test. Instead, it's various ones, including how long they can hold onto a bar, how much weight they can lift, and more. Again, the students get rather creative with how they're able to use their quirks, if possible.

Minoru uses his sticky balls to hold onto the bar...but since he can't actually stick to the balls himself, he ends up losing his grip anyway. Ochako makes herself weightless and has to hold the bar to keep from floating away. Rikido, after ingesting sugar, grunts as he holds onto the bar for quite the long while.

Izuku manages to cling to it for longer than a few others, though he eventually gets tired.

Then, there's weightlifting.

Mezo easily picks up and carries several kilos of weights. Tsuyu has a bit of a harder time with it, more efficient at sticking to things than picking up heavier items. Mina picks up a surprisingly heavy amount for her size, proving her athleticism.

"Uhm...sensei?"

Eraser Head looks down at Izuku, who gazes up at him with those same starry eyes from the field. His admiration hasn't faded even a second since that point.

"F-For safety, I need...uhm...some things."

Upon getting approval, Izuku walks over to a barbell with a weightlifting belt and gloves on. He quietly puts several weights on each side, not really paying attention to how the other students start looking over at him.

He gets the weights up to he current safe maximum so he doesn't overexert himself and be unable to finish the last trial. Then, he crouches, getting into the position he's practiced several times over.

Once braced, he breathes in quickly through his nose and picks up the barbell. With a quick adjustment to his grip, he then lifts it over his head for several seconds before putting it back down, sighing in relief.

"Holy crap!" Mina cheers, startling him. She rushes over and starts looking at the weight amount. "160 kg... Did you just overhead press 320 kg?!"

About the size of three full-sized refrigerators. Izuku got used to that amount from his beach and other self-imposed clean up jobs.

"That's wild! I can't do that at all!! You're super strong, Midori!"

As Izuku blushes and stiltedly thanks her, a few others also comment about how cool his lifting was. Sure, others could lift more with their quirks, but it was different coming from someone without one. He couldn't rely on super strength or a float quirk--he had to do it from pure muscle alone.

Ochako nods in agreement with them, though she keeps her mouth closed. She almost threw up earlier.

Katsuki also lifts quite a bit, though it's not as much as Izuku, making him even further irritated.

Eight Trial: Endurance Running

To speed up the last test, several of them would run on a track for 12 minutes, passing the cones as many times as possible.

This test comes easy to Momo, who forms a scooter and rides on it for the entirety of the 12 minutes. Tenya also passes quite well, keeping his speed at a consistent rate so as to not overwork himself. They get very far in their attempts.

Tsuyu, Mashirao Ojiro, and Mezo also get quite far, though they're panting and tired by the end. Todoroki Shouto, silent and recluse, uses his ice to slide across the ground easily. Mina does the same, almost overusing her quirk but getting a very good distance down. Rikido ends up laying out on the field after his try, his hypoglycemia coming to bite him.

Izuku's with one of the last groups to run, alongside Denki, Kyouka, Tooru, and Minoru. At the start, Denki runs off, quickly taking the lead as Mineta uses his quirk to bounce from one ball to the next. Tooru and Kyouka follow after at slower paces. But by far, the slowest in the group is Izuku.

He doesn't run full speed, but instead settles into a jog, his arms pumping at his sides.

By the four minute mark, Denki's getting tired, continuing at a slower pace. His back and forth banter with Minoru has slowed down substantially. Initially, Minoru teases him about this, but he's also having trouble continuing to hop from ball to ball. The girls slow down as well, not used to the continued running. Izuku keeps going at his pace.

By eight minutes, Izuku passes Tooru distance-wise, and Kyouka shortly after. Even so, they still have more energy to run than Denki and Minoru, who have burned themselves out faster than intended.

By eleven minutes, Izuku looks as though nothing has changed. He's sweating and his face is a little pink, but he's otherwise still fresh and ready to go. Kyouka and Tooru have passed Denki and Minoru.

At the end, Izuku ran the furthest at a consistent, steady pace, and though he breathes heavily, he doesn't look nearly as tired as the others. While he wouldn't beat too many people in a sprint, he's certainly reliable for endurance, not burning out easily.

With all the tests complete, Aizawa leads the students over to a board to show them their results.

"The results I compile here are an aggregate sum of your results. It would take forever to do this one-by-one, so here's all of them at once. Now, remember. As I said, the last person gets expelled. "

Many of them stiffen, swallowing thickly.

But Aizawa grins.

"That was a tactical ruse, though. No one's getting expelled for being last."

And then he clicks the button, showing their results.

1st. Yaoyorozu Momo. 2nd. Todoroki Shouto. 3rd. Bakugou Katsuki...

The list went on, with Izuku gasping at his result.

14th. Midoriya Izuku.

15th was Sero Hanta, 16th Kaminari Denki, 17th Hagakure Tooru, 18th Jirou Kyouka, 19th Aoyama Yuuga, and 20th, Mineta Minoru.

Minoru immediately drops to his knees, his soul leaving his body, as he realizes he was just moments away from being expelled. Yuuga also looks a bit ill in the face, though he covers it by flamboyantly flipping his hair.

"Oh geez, that's closer than I'd like," Kyouka mutters, clearly disappointed.

"Well, we can improve from here, right?" Tooru cheers, bringing out a smile on Kyouka's face.

"Yeah, guess you're right."

"Besides, these tests didn't really let us show exactly what our quirks can do, y'know?"

"I mean, sure, but," Hanta points a thumb over at Izuku, who keeps staring at the results in awe. "We did worse than someone without a quirk, so we've got to be on our toes."

Izuku flinches at the mention, turning to look at them. Immediately, he shrinks in a bit, sweating nervously.

"Oh...uhm...s-sorry."

"Eh? Ah, nah, sorry, that's on me," Hanta quickly replies, smiling sheepishly. "I didn't mean to say that as a bad thing. You were great."

Izuku's expression becomes less apologetic and more wonderous, surprised. He's not had many people apologize to him before, especially when it came to the quirklessness topic. He honestly doesn't think he has anything to apologize for.

"I meant to say, ah, we've got to do more than rely on our quirks. Sorry, the way I worded it was kinda bad."

"Though, I think with the new way you put it, you're right," Tooru adds. "We're going to be heroes from here on, so we've got to be stronger!"

Izuku feels like there's flowers blooming in his chest. How fantastic... To be able to talk with people like this! And even though they know he's quirkless, they aren't picking on him! They aren't even saying he doesn't belong there! He almost feels dizzy with how exciting it is.

"Midoriya."

"H-Huh? Yes?!"

When he turns, Aizawa is there, handing him a nurse's note.

"For the burn on your face. Get back to class to review your curriculum sheet afterward."

Oh. Right. Kacchan did burn his face. Remembering it makes his nose tingle.

He's pretty used to letting burns heal on their own. Teachers eventually stopped giving him nurse passes cause they thought he was provoking Kacchan on purpose to get hurt and get out of class.

"Y-Yes, Eraser Head-sensei..."

He glances down at the signature spot. Ah. Eraser Head's handwriting. It's neater than he expected.

Gods, he'd love to get his autograph. This doesn't really count...but if Recovery Girl will let him keep the note and just say it's already been used, it would count, wouldn't it? Perhaps not, cause she'll likely not let him keep it. But, for the moment, it's almost exactly like getting an autograph.

Izuku smiles, practically glowing with nervous joy, a halo of anxious but happy sweat coming off of him.

"...I've never seen someone so happy to get a nurse's note in my life," Denki laughs.

As Aizawa heads over to the teacher's lounge, he passes by a corner on the building.

There, he finds All Might standing in his full form as he calls out to him.

"Aizawa, you liar!" he announces loudly.

The teacher in question hums absently.

"So you were watching, huh. Must have some free time."

"'It was a tactical ruse?' April Fools was a week ago! You once expelled an entire new class! If you feel there's no potential, you kick them out with no hesitation! So, what happened this time?"

"...None of them had zero chances. That's all."

"Indeed! I feel the same. You have quite the gathering of promising ducklings this year! Including young Midoriya, don't you think?"

That gives Aizawa pause, the man's gaze sliding over to him.

"Not 'including Mineta' but 'Midoriya,' huh."

Not the kid who got last place, but the kid without a quirk. Aizawa frowns a bit.

"...Well, he wasn't last. I'd kick out anyone with a half-assed dream. He just happens to not be half-assed right now." He looks away, continuing forward. "If he or any of them drop below the zero line, they're out. No matter what quirk they do or don't have."

With a more gravely tone to his voice, he stalks off.

"You better learn how to teach a quirkless kid for now, then."

All Might stands there for a moment before sighing.

He thinks, perhaps, Aizawa got the wrong idea for him mentioning Midoriya. Even still, his advice isn't bad. To learn how to teach someone without a quirk...many pro heroes don't really have the experience doing something like that, especially not in the hero course.

Midoriya presents a very poignant difference, specifically for the classes he'll be teaching. As the Foundational Hero Studies teacher, it'll be his duty to get those ducklings into shape for their future. Ensuring he does the same for a quirkless person...perhaps it shouldn't be a challenge, but...well.

All Might walks away, off toward the school building to look at his lesson plans again.

...If the quirkless child he was going to teach wasn't Midoriya, perhaps it would be easier. However, this is a hole he dug himself. So, he simply has to do well enough to get himself out of it.

Back with the students, his voice initial call was loud enough to attract their attention. The ones closest wondered who it was.

None of them saw the way the joy completely wiped off of Izuku's face, replaced by cold dread.

All Might said I can't be a hero, he thinks. I'm not supposed to be here. If he sees me...what will happen?

He scurries off then, hurrying to the nurse's office.

[graphitesatellite]

Hi, phi!! Ok so, I had an ✨idea✨, it’s kinda angsty, so don’t hesitate to say if you’re uncomfortable. Now bear with me, M6 reaction on discovering mc has been trapped under Valdemars lab and kinda being used as a Guinea pig, like what would the LI’s do, how would they comfort mc this kinda stuff. Had this idea at like 3 am and here I am!

Hi, old friend

To say I feel bad about never finishing this is the understatement of the millennium, cuz I really really wanted to, it was important to me to make this happen for you, it’s a really good idea! But it just never came to be, and I’m so sorry

Your request is a unique one, though, in that I did actually start to write it before the ability to write anything suddenly left me, so I’ll include what I had written under the cut

Thanks for sending in a request <3 I’m sorry I don’t have more for you

at first i was thinking i’d write about the LIs saving MC from the lab, but i had a hard time getting into that scenario, so instead let’s say MC was trapped in the lab for a few days and managed to escape and find a way home

Asra

has spent the last few days scouring every last inch of the city and forest for you, barely breaking to sleep or eat or anything else – how is he supposed to go about his usual activities when he doesn’t know if you’re safe? He hasn’t been this frantic since… since a time he doesn’t want to think about

it’s an honest stroke of good luck that he’s there to answer the shop’s door when you knock; he’s hardly spent a moment there since he realized he didn’t know where you were, and if he hadn’t come back to check, you two may have missed each other entirely

but he IS there, and you’re right there, right across the threshold, appearing from thin air just as quickly as you disappeared, and his heart drops because you’ve been put through your paces and it Shows, painfully clear; he can’t pull you into his arms fast enough

and he struggles to let go of you, to let you stray from the safety of his embrace after days of thinking he might have lost you again, but he knows he has to – you might have wounds that need washing and bandaging, and you probably need a few hours (or days) of sleep, and who knows the last time you ate?

the whole situation is overwhelming, to put it lightly, and it’s hard for him to know how to react, how to process his own feelings, so, hoping that the rest will come to him in time, he focuses on the one thing he does know: how to take care of you

And then what happens from here? He takes good care of you, makes sure you have everything you could ever want, then once you’re ready to talk about it he’ll listen, of course he’ll listen, it’s asra, and he’ll get so mad on the inside that anyone would ever think of doing those things to you, much less actually do them, so valdemar is on his shit list now, he’s gonna do so much research on demons to figure out how to get rid of that green goblin for good, but he’s also gonna comfort you by being with you and promising to protect you and putting more protective charms on the shop and showing you neat magical things and telling you fun stories in an effort to distract you, he’ll do whatever it takes to get your mind off that horrible experience, he’ll pull the most outrageous pranks just to see you smile, to hear you laugh, find you the silliest and cutest little trinkets, lead you in breathing exercises, in meditation, and he’s in it for the long haul

Nadia

has obviously been in shambles without you but has organized a very impressive search effort, so when you just show up in her chambers, traumatized and terrified bc valdemar could be nearby, she’s put through a whole range of emotions

Maybe you’re hiding under the bed or something and nadia can find you that way, and you can try to explain what happened, and nadia will definitely believe you, but banishing a literal demon might be tricky

That’s not to say nadia doesn’t try, doesn’t call in the absolute best to ensure the demon doesn’t become a problem again, but valdemar is slippery and they could still be out there somewhere

So nadia increases security and is there for you as much as she can be, even though she can’t relate to your experience at all and therefore isn’t sure if she can say anything helpful, she still can validate your feelings and cuddle you and stuff

She can also have that lab destroyed, maybe even totally filled in so no one can use the space ever again and you’ll never be forced to go down there as long as you live

[napo-leo-art]

This is an unfinished and largely unedited fic I was writing about Levi's first time with Danny where (for some unknown reason) I decided to make a rule where I could only write it while drunk (idk if this was an exercise in seeing what came out when I was drunk or if it was ~*method writing*~ or what, but idk if I can finish it and I sure as hell cannot read it loool

Anyway Word Count: ~3300 words Rating: E Pairing: Herald/Levi (Sidestep) Warnings: I honestly have no idea, I didn't read it

"So..." Daniel swallows, finally aware that he's standing with a half-naked man on the verge of what might be a breakdown in his arms. "Do... do you want a drink or something?"

Levi wants to laugh. Levi wants a smoke, or a whole pack. He wants to tear Daniel's clothes off and take a bite of him, maybe sink down on his knees and see how far down his throat Daniel-Danny can go.

"Yes," He says in response. It comes out on an exhale, Levi's body kick starting him back to life with a little jolt. His foot sweeps forward and bumps into one of Daniel's, and only then does he realize he was checking for floating. No- Danny-Daniel's really that much taller even with both feet on the ground. Not as tall as Ortega. Neck probably doesn't hurt as much when he bends down to kiss Levi, which he's done more than once since they've got here, but it still makes Levi's stomach clench to think of how they must look together- the Golden Boy and the Has-Been, and at least his long legs keep Sidestep from looking too small in photos. Next to each other, though...

Maybe it would be better to put Danny on his knees. Or on his ass more likely, leaning back onto his hands, head tilted until that bright hair has fallen off of his face, and his face hidden between Levi's thighs...

"Levi?" Fuck, now that he's heard a hint of the accent, he can't let it go in his mind.

"Hm?" He asks, before he thinks about the fact that he's still clinging onto Danny, who has acquiescently kept his arms just as tight- not because he thinks Levi's too weak to hold himself together apparently, but because Danny *likes* it, and he's going to keep doing it as long as Levi actually lets him. Levi feels like he's flicking treats to a dog, which is a mean way to see Danny but god, isn't it accurate?

For a moment he's hit with a poetic thought: that the heat he's feeling is from basking in the warmth of feeling so *loved*.

He squashes that feeling back where it belongs, into the overflowing trashcan of his mind. Fuck, he's so drunk already that Danny might really just be holding him up with his arms.

He doesn't let Danny let him go, no- he holds those arms firmly in place and twists in their hold, turning back towards the kitchen counter and using Danny's glass for the both of them. His own glass lays abandoned on the floor where he *threw* it, and even that didn't scare Danny away. And that means that feeling bad about this really is meaningless, because Danny has already seen at least half of the nasty, ugly, *wrong* things about him, and he's not pulling those arms away or telling Levi to leave. Levi could push him off the deep end right now: '*I'm Retribution, I broke your leg, and I LIKED IT.*'

Instead he fills up Danny's glass, too full, more than is appropriate. But why the fuck do they make whiskey glasses so big if you're not supposed to fill them to the top? Why is Danny's hair so soft if not to grab it, why are his lips so plush if Levi's not supposed to kiss them?

When he spins back around to Danny with drink in hand, he's not sure if the drop in his gut is anxiety or lust. Really could be either. Both. Dr. What's Her Face has heard a little bit about his sex life or lack thereof because *he* brought it up, dumb asshole, and she says that he should take that twist in his gut as the fear it is but really, he hates fear but he's learned to like whatever *this* is.

Danny doesn't ask if Levi's okay, for which he's eternally grateful. Levi can only just *feel* the intention of the question buzzing at the front of Danny's mind.

"Pretty big glass you've got there," He says instead, still unsettled but now at least Levi isn't crying and *oh,* Levi's taking his jaw in his hand and so gently pushing the lip of the glass between Danny's plush ones, pouring a little more into his willing mouth. He's a little clumsy with it, little streams of the expensive stuff seeping past the corners of his mouth. Levi pulls the glass to the side and this time when he pulls Danny down, he licks the liquor from his face. It's so gross. Levi's just gross. He can still feel how he's exciting Danny, so it looks like it's working. He takes a swig from the glass and swallows with effort before his lips meet Danny's again, the smoky-oak flavor passing between them.

"I want *you,*" Levi says then, letting his voice dip into its huskiest tones. Smoking and boozing has fucked up his voice a little, but is that really so bad? He tries to immitate that throat rumble when he's John but he just *can't*, and it feels so good to have one goddamn thing that this body has over his puppet.

If he bothered to peek past the booze, he'd find that this body only makes him feel stupid when he tries to tease. But he'll let that thought lie where it fell, because he can *feel* the way Danny pushes his hips forward, seeking contact.

He can feel Danny's clothed cock bump his lower stomach. Fuck. *Fuck.*

"Oh, just that? I can give you that." Danny says with a grin. Correction, Levi's telepathy provides: he would love to give you that, *please.* He's even letting his hands trace the hemline of Levi's pants, a hint about what he wants before he even opens his mouth again. "May I?"

Normally Levi would refuse. He only knows his normal because the idea of this has plagued him for months, and in ten fantasies out of ten he was coaxing Danny not to float as he sunk his mouth down to Danny's base and took him all.

But tonight he's too busy marveling at the way his body is happily, enthusiastically responding to Danny's closeness and '*ah,*' Levi thinks, '*that's what it's supposed to feel like.*' He's so turned on already that he can feel the slick of his wetness coating the inside of his thighs. His legs shift together, trying to alleviate it, hoping for- god, why hide it? Hoping for Danny between them, whether it's his hand, his face, or his hips. Doesn't really matter.

"Go for it." Levi says, but he's still surprised when Danny yanks him up onto the counter before his trousers come off. Nope, not just trousers. Underwear too. The marble is freezing cold against his ass but hey, kitchen counters are the perfect place to eat. He's going to deny that sound later, the sound he makes when Danny coaxes his legs open. He'll edit it right out of the clip he's made of the noise *Danny* made, and he's not sure Danny knows he made it or that Levi heard it. He knows how to do *this,* he's just never done it with a man before, and that thought fills Levi with equal measures of jealousy and comfort up until Danny bends to kiss his thigh and everything, everything else goes away for just a little moment.

"This is my first," Levi gasps when Danny's thumb creeps over to slide along the line of a scar on his thigh, not because he wants to share it but because it feels *important*, and because Danny is apparently the sounding board for every stupid secret he's had. '*Why not talk about the threesome dream while you're at it?*' "...time."

"I better make it *really* good then," Danny laughs, not at Levi but just because he can't believe this is happening, his face heating further when Levi's hands find a good grip in his hair, which is just as soft as it looks. And Levi's hands feel it just as well as he sees it when Danny fully dips his head between his thighs and... *damn.*

His throat clamps automatically against his first moan, and every one after that is a little easier, caught behind the tight press of his lips. He grabs the glass of whiskey and takes a full gulp of it.

Danny's tongue traces up the slit between Levi's legs twice before it pushes a little further, before one hand slips off Levi's thigh to spread him open. His only sounds are gasps and sighs. His body tells a different story: tightened grips on Danny's hair, twitching muscles, a bottom lip clamped hard between his teeth.

"Fingers," He demands, because all this is already so much without having to ask nicely, and because even at home alone he wants it like this, fingers pressing up against his g-spot.

Danny obliges with just one at first, and that's enough. Levi sees more than senses what Danny wants: himself, legs wrapped tight around Danny's hips as he buries himself inside, every thrust deep...

It feels better to think of this all as what Levi wants. Being wanted is *hard*, being wanted feels *wrong*, and so in his own mind he imagines Danny pressed back against the sheets, Levi fucking down against his straddled hips.

"Oh fuck," Danny whimpers, finger still buried in Levi even as he butts his head against Levi's hip. Levi didn't mean to push the idea out, but it's already out there before he knows it. And he knows that it barely matters that Danny knows the origin of the thought, mostly seeing it as his own: '*Me pressed back against my sheets, Levi fucking down against my straddled hips.*'

He wants to throw the glass still in his grip. He wants a smoke. The most sane thing he wants is to touch Danny and to be touched back, and it would be easier to use his grip on Danny's hair to slide him back between his thighs, but he doesn't do that. He tilts Danny's head up oh so gently. It's mostly a strain on himself to bend his back so sharply when he leans down to kiss him again, tasting himself on Danny's lips and tongue. Daniel, lips parting to let Levi kiss him deeper, isn't passive the way Levi half-wishes he was. Another finger slips in, both curling up to push up at just the right angle.

Fuck.

He does his damnest to strangle that noise back where it belongs, behind his teeth where it won't do too much damage. But his lips and teeth are parted to slot as much of his mouth against Danny's as he can, and that's been going on *too long*, and so he parts them with a yank on that feather-soft hair just in time to make his punched-out whine harden into a rasp. Danny's thumb finds his clit faster than his half-lidded eyes can find contact with Levi's.

"How's that?" He asks with a grin that Levi hears as much as sees. Bastard. The bastard's other hand is tracing the scars on Levi's thigh with a reverence that doesn't feel soothing- which is fine really, Levi thinks he'd hate being patted and doted on like a twitchy stray cat, most of all *now* when what he wants is... exactly what Danny's giving him. *That look,* like...

"Is *that* why you keep looking at the scars?" Levi asks, breath hitching on a moan and then bursting back out with a breathless laugh. *Incredible.* "A kink?"

Danny doesn't have to answer, the flush on his cheeks does all the talking. But does anyway, "*yeah*", before he leans back down and wraps his lips around Levi's clit.

"Oh my-- *god*," Levi laughs again, bringing the glass up to his mouth and just butting the rim up against his lips. "I'm here telling- you my darkest... secrets... and you're getting... a stiffy over my scars. *Oh fuck,*" He gulps down another swallow of whiskey before he sinks down against the countertop, skin prickling with goosebumps as soon as the marble touches his skin.

"I think I finally get your sense of humor," Danny quips from between his legs, right before his tongue laps around his fingers, dipping into his entrance. Levi grunts, his whole core starting to tense, his thighs threatening to clamp around his poor victim's head. Danny's doing so good it feels like a challenge, and he doesn't plan to lose.

"Then you're... *probably* drunk enough... I don't want *either* of us sober... for my first time." Levi hisses, and he can just barely feel Danny's thoughts butting through the haze of his drunkenness, and he's got to cut that off *now*. "I showed you mine, when... are you gonna show me... yours? Scars. Body. *Come here.*"

Danny's lips are on his again, and his fingers have never stopped moving. Levi is trying and failing to plant his heels against the countertop so he can grind down on them.

He just *knows* none of those pinup shots are real. Photoshop or something. Not just the physique but the skin, not even the most premium doctors could erase everything Retribution did to Danny.

It's not the scars that are Levi's kink, exactly. He just like thinking that he's made his mark on this new territory, left something behind that'll stick even when this all goes to shit. He knows on a bone-deep level that it will, that there's an invisible timer ticking down at inconsistent, immeasurable speed.

Danny-Daniel has to pull his fingers out to undress, not looking even the slightest bit self-conscious. Levi wonders if it feels *good* to know he's so wanted, so want*able*, if Danny actually feels sexy under his scrutiny. The thought of eyes on him makes him feel pinned down like some etymological victim, or maybe like the butt of some joke. It's made worse by how bad he still wants this, like at any moment Danny will pull back and laugh at his enthusiastic desperation.

"Fuck you." He blurts with a little too much heat, one hand shooting up to grasp the curve of Danny's pec. "The pictures were real."

Except for the scars, but that registers more on the lizard hindbrain than on the more upfront desires burning up right out on the open. Thank *god* Danny isn't a telepath, because his mind is flooding with desires without proper outlet: bite, devour, fuck, make him beg, make him CRY

The buzz of too-bright thought bubbles up between them, and Levi knows it's Danny's thought before he even forms it into words and pictures- Levi doesn't need a cock to *fuck him* and use him the way he wants, he'd be a willing but mischievous little toy for Levi to gnaw on, to take what he wants. Just an illusion of true submission, but it works. He wants to make Levi come *so bad* that it snaps into Levi's mind stronger than Danny's base need to stick his cock in him. He'd happily let Levi ride his face for the rest of the night, as long as Danny could just see him blissed out at the end of it.

"*Fuck you,*" He repeats, and Danny laughs this time, though his face is heated. It contrasts so nicely with the pale hue his skin usually takes. This time Levi can see just how far that blush travels- it meets his jaw, then neck, collarbones and beyond. The fingers still splayed on Danny's chest just toe the blurred line of where his blush ends. The heat extends past that. Levi thinks he can feel his own sweat beading where their bodies are pressed together. "You think I won't? I've got no gripes about leaving you like this."

"Let me take you to the bedroom?" He offers rather than demands, bubbling up another flock of associated thoughts and feelings. Levi doesn't need to read them, because Danny happily says it. "My bed is a lot more comfortable. It's soft."

"I prefer firm." He doesn't, but he's a contrarian little ass even when he's not drunk. That means, though, that Danny just blinks down at him with this look of feigned innocence that makes Levi want to scream, or at least just bite him.

"Take me there," He orders a half-beat later, because he knows that Danny won't just fucking take him until he gets a straight answer for once. It doesn't matter if Danny's deciphered his code or not, Levi still needs to speak his language for him to work. Like saying the right cheat code or entering the right password. "*Now,*"

This time Danny moves him without sass, slipping back into the comfort of their dynamic. Not nearly as well-worn as Levi's dynamic with *Ortega*, where communication moves with a connection delivered through words spoken in the past. Danny has acclimated himself to Levi with a speed that betrays all of that pure observational skill; on Levi's end, it's mostly telepathy. He's not afraid to cheat, just a little ashamed to admit it.

Maybe it would be better not to think of Ortega, who still brings up a sharp and pleasant sting in his chest in some sort of psychosomatic response, or maybe some sort of learned pain- it'll hurt when the bad part happens, so might as well start the hurting now. Things like seeing Ortega with a million and one potential love interests and only turning to Levi with entirely platonic affection.

Not like Herald-Danny, who looks at Levi like he's worth fucking on clean sheets and a soft mattress, like he'd care if Levi dipped past nervous, neurotic, but enthusiastic participation and into a sort of dull-eyed acceptance-

No. He has to physically shake that thought away, body quaking enough that Danny shoots a puzzled look his way as he bends down to gather Levi up in his arms.

"Your counter is so fucking cold,"

"The bedroom's warmer," Danny assures with a coy smile, using the moment to warm Levi's back with his hands. "We can turn on the heater if it's that bad."

"Who the fuck," Levi spits with contempt, shoving his face against Danny's neck even as his skin prickles with latent discomfort, "Has a heater in Los Diablos? Get a white noise machine and just cope with eighty degree weather, you freak."

All of this shit- Danny carrying him in his arms, Danny kissing him, holding him, accepting him, *loving him*- it's declawing Levi bit by bit. The Levi of months ago could've broken the man's spirit, forced Danny to reject him, heard and *felt* how much it would hurt the little hero. Now he's not sure he could muster anything affective. He's tracing the tips of his short nails along the edges of all of Danny's scars, dismissing a halfhearted fantasy about tearing them back open with Retribution's clawed gauntlets. Instead he's catching Danny's skin between his teeth, too soft to deal real damage. He's finding the peaks and valleys of Danny's muscles with his fingertips, only pausing to rub a nipple under his roughened thumb.

--

Danny is floating them both to the bedroom, cracking an unashamed smile to greet the hard stare Levi tries- and fails- to give him.

'*I wish I were a telepath too.*'

"No, you don't."

'*If I were, I could know what you're thinking right now.*'

"You don't think you could ask?"

'*I don't think you would answer.*'

[virtualworldgirl]

#1 Today, I decided to make a blog.

I went to work today, it was my last shift in my current position. I have been promoted and will work in a different store starting Tuesday. I'm excited. I work in a jewelry store, I just graduated college and I just moved to Brooklyn, I feel like everything started. I took the train home, got off at a random stop; Graham Ave, my friend Sophie lives off that stop. I walked around and stopped inside a plant store, there was a parrot named Finlay there, I spent a lot of time looking at the plants because I really want to own and care for a lot of them. However, I'm not ready for the responsibility yet. first step: finish moving in. I spent a lot of time looking at the Orchid's, they remind me of my mom and I'm intrigued by their challenge yet I turned around and walked to the bookstore instead. Very cute store had fun browsing. They had a lot of prints of the Dante Inferno book pages, which although I wanted to buy, I have the exact copy the photos are from so decided against it.

I headed home and said hello to my cats. I then took a walk to a prospective pho place. Something about me, I love pho. It's my favorite meal, I would absolutely love to have a pho place within walking distance. I enjoyed the walk, the restaurant had an interesting ambience. I realize now looking back I was blinded by my desire to have a pho place and all the little gimmicks distracted me...I'm often a victim of marketing.

I took a seat in the corner by the window, a table big enough for one. It was the type of restraints where you scan a QR code on your phone and order directly off your phone and pay and they just bring out the food after. If my grandma is reading this, can you believe that exists. I'm serious. You never speak to the waiter until they bring out your food. I ordered Vietnamese iced coffee, veggie spring rolls and the rare beef pho.

The coffee was really yummy. The food itself was yummy but also only okay compared to what I've had. I guess sort of bland. The spring rolls I would order again with the pork to compare because I felt those may be better. The pho. First of all, the utensils were kept in a drawer under the table. Why that matters, I'm not sure but it was definitely cool in the moment. Okay, here's the thing. It doesn't take a lot to make a good bowl of pho. The veggies were yummy, the noodles were yummy, The meat actually was very very good. I often avoid the meat in Pho because It never tastes exactly right. However, I kept looking for it in this bowl and was disappointed in the portion size. I digress. The most important aspect for me in a bowl of pho. Is the broth. The broth must be so flavorful and yum that I want to put it in a cup and drink. Most places deliver this easily, that's because most places use beef broth for the pho. This pho place uses a clear broth. So while it was good and the broth was flavored via the rare beef ,veggies, lime, and siracha...it was not very flavorful and very lacking. As much as I wanted this place to be the one... I don't think it will be. However I could still see myself going again just because it's close. I came back home and the my dear friend Chloe came over to visit my new apartment. I told her about my blog idea, we shared a few laughs, had a nice chat and then she went home. I really enjoy living in Brooklyn. I go outside a lot more, I walk around a lot which is nice exercise and I get to spend a lot of time with all my friends . Even now, I just got to see my dearest friend. Something I would have had to plan days in advance. My friends might be my truest love in this life. I do often feel alone in the world. I guess that’s what happens sometimes. They’re like my big family. I like how they’re always there. They’re in awe of the things I don’t enjoy about myself, like my independence. It’s a nice perspective change I guess. Anyways. I saw a food truck by my apartment. The lady was really kind. I would be her friend. I ordered beef but got chicken but It was still really good. One day, I'll get the beef taco. I don't know how regularly I will write, I hope often. I like this form of journaling because there's an aspect of performance since people could potentially read it so I want my writing to be presentable, organized and engaging. Yet, this isn't something that gets put in front of a large amount of people's faces so reading it is by choice.

I hope you enjoyed gem