#i legit dont know how to explain my process- a lot of it legit comes from the feelings songs can make one feel

[spotsupstuff]

i ADORE yoyr skills in making characters with wildly complex personalities. how do you do it this well

THANK YOU!!! I HAVE NO FECKIN IDEA!!!

i usually just start with a concept (heehoo iterator who doesn't care for their puppet and the puppet has a blankie thrown over it and there's creepy peepy teefs under there) and then built off from that (the character now leads death itself to its family no matter how much it hurts and tears away at it because it recognizes this is ultimately the best thing that can happen to them and it Only wishes for the best for its family cuz it loves them a lot. no matter what it will take, its family will be alright.)- OH a VERY important thing for character making is interconnecting them with other characters!!! that is literally the Most important thing Ever imo. and then details. details are what build the complexity!

the more interactions with other characters and the world you put the peepo thru, the more shaped they will be, i suppose? while still keeping a core idea very clear

also taking inspirations from other characters and then remixing n combining these different inspirations is a valid thing to do. one of Notos' big inspirations is, for example, Wednesday Addams from that netflix show! sometimes the inspiration comes from a certain pack of feelings i get from a song/situation, like for example Zephyr and Johanka by Brotosauři/Joan of Arc in general. Johanka and where i first heard it, the way i first sung it, was already full of so many things that simply applying it to Zephyr gave her a complex personality

and as always -claps- don't forget to give your character low points and weaknesses. but ALSO don't forget to give them their shining moments and strengths

[freebooter4ever]

I've been doing my best to stay up to date on the boots brainfog fatigue lore for a while and I have two things to say. First, I am so glad the antibiotics are working and helping you and you're able to somewhat pause your symptoms. And second, your story is so terrifying I had no idea anything like this could happen and I hope the saga ends soon with you going back to a normal livable life.

Apologies for the slow reply, it took me a while to come to grips with my story being used as a 'lore' example. Legit i sometimes forget that i have a lot more followers than just the ones who talk to me on a regular / semi regular basis. So thank you to anyone who is quietly watching this painful illness play out and rooting for me <3 i hope it ends up being a happy ending, though my depression right now is being a witch and telling me it wont. As i type right now my eyes are doing the '300 times more effort to focus' thing because i ate dinner an hr ago, and im slowly getting used to putting this much work into something as simple as writing but...gosh this is all exhausting.

I didnt know this could happen either, but i cherish all the friends and strangers who have gone through this or are going through this who immediately reached out to support me. I've met one guy in person who was a casual friend until now, but who is becoming one of the few people i can randomly text depressing symptoms to and just know he at least semi understands. He also promised to take me on his motorcycle the minute i get back into a physically stable condition so i at least have a carrot on a stick at the moment.

I have also had a lot of really really enlightening conversations with my grandma who has MS, and she's told me stuff about her own illness that I don't think she ever would have divulged to me if this hadn't happened. And I now almost understand why. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to complain about a symptom and then have a friend or loved one immediately counter with 'oh, i have that!' and then go into detail about how they handle it when their symptom is obviously fleeting and passing and much less intense. Also, there's certain people in my life who i just cant get to understand how this illness is connected to food. Every time their response is 'I'm sorry you feel bad, let me make you something to eat' and i have given up trying to explain, lol.

I think it's also important for me to note that although my blog has seen a lot of this drama that i shared...the WORST parts of it i have not posted because i simply dont know how to process or talk about it yet. And also most of the worst moments happened while with my friend G, and when I'm at their house I tend to not need social media so much.

The funniest part in all this - it took a month for me to become so terrified of food because of the intense pain/reactions after eating, that I don't miss food at all despite my diet being severely limited. I miss peanut butter, although my reaction to peanut butter is not so bad that i can't eat it sometimes (but not daily like i used to). Strangely enough, I don't miss bread at all, except I do miss the easy convenient calories bread provided so I could run/dance/exercise. There is only one thing I have been craving this entire month....this fucker from 85c:

I have dreams about this guy. I vividly remember the taste and texture and how it felt to bite into one. The joy of snacking on one in the California sun under the arroyo trees. I long to be able to eat it again ;_; But with how little food I've been able to eat, I can't afford to waste calories on anything that isn't packed with nutrition so :( no taro bun.

[shootingstarrfish]

Do you have any tips on how you do shading ?? Your art really inspires me and I literally suck at shading lmao.

hello anon!!! im honoured i can inspire you sdfhkjh it's crazy to me that i can inspire literally anyone :,DDD <33

tbh i do all my shading purely based on vibes/what makes me happy so im not sure im a good advice person but ill show you a breakdown of how i go about shading and hopefully that might help a bit? :o i've left it below the cut because i have too much to say and it ended up being really long LOL

of course if there's anything you want more details on i'm always happy to explain, just let me know!

okay SO ill use this asmo as my example, i think there's enough to talk about here that it should be helpful hopefully

so here's my lineart and flats! i do all my flat colours in one layer because i find it easier to make everything look more cohesive when the pieces arent separated (i usually like it when the colours bleed into each other a lil), but i also just dont like the process of having to switch between layers for everything too LOL flats are unfortunately my least favourite part :,D probably because my lineart is so messy hahah

as you can see, the shading is very minimal here, just some subtle stuff in the wings/sheer parts of the fabric and some blushing on the skin, i also stole the orange under eye/liner thing from TBHK because <3

and then i clean up any messy stuff by just painting over top of everything on a new layer, i also rendered the metal at this stage because i felt like it i guess???

i dont think i did a suuper good job at rendering the metal here (because i was lazy), it looks fine but something to note about metal is that usually you want to push the highlights and the shadows a lot more, as well as the reflections because it is so shiny and smooth this is why you'll see a lot of pink and blue in the metal, to show the reflections of his hair and the sky

i would recommend using reference to get a better idea of how metal ACTUALLY works but again, i was lazy lol so that's a simple explanation based on what little i know/have observed

the jump here is a bit drastic and you might be like woah starr where'd all this come from?? but this is all in one layer-

('hard light' - 62% opacity)

this is how that layer looks as a normal full opacity layer, for reference:

lately i've been using hard light layers to shade! they're very versatile because unlike multiply layers i can do my shading and my highlights within one layer (do you sense a theme of me disliking having too many layers lmao)

SO this is where i have a bit more to say about shading you'll notice the prominent shading colour here is blue, this is because the main environment here (the sky) is blue. i dont know if that's how things work in the real world but it works for me LMAO i usually prefer to have my shading lean cooler purely for aesthetic reasons, i like how it looks more

you might also notice some areas where the blue is a bit brighter, this is to imitate reflected light, again because the environment is blue light tends to bounce around on things and reflect back even into the shadows so this is the effect im trying to get, i like to typically go with a brighter blue cause it gives things a sort of shinier? quality that i enjoy aesthetically, idk if its very accurate to real life tho it also helps me to give depth to the shading since shading isnt usually just one flat blob, and this is a bit of a shortcut to having more dynamic (?) looking shadows

i also want to point out my use of bright reds on the edge of the shadows:

i believe this is called diffraction- there's a real legit scientific reason why it happens but i... dont know what that is i just know it happens in real life (maybe not to this extent?) and it looks cool so i do it SFHJKSFH i usually blend it into the shadows though as opposed to into the lighter parts, i find that tends to look better

some miscellaneous things-

don't be afraid to throw random colours around!! who cares about realism, it's fun lmao

this artwork is a spoiler for asmo's bday so shhhhh but i did want to quickly show that you can also use hard light layers to create a glowy effect, i literally just painted the pink/orange directly on the shadows layer and it helped to make his eyes more glowy

of course i do go in and paint over a little after and add some layer effects but it helps to have that base there

now that you've learnt that i dont know what i'm doing, i wanted to highlight a couple of resources that have helped me! i hope they help you as well <3

this video gives some really interesting insights into this artist's process and some problems they had throughout, as well as how they overcame them! it looks a lil clickbaity but i promise it's good!!

this tweet also shifted how i think about rendering when i want to do something with dramatic lighting!

+ an attempt i made to replicate this (i wanna try this again lmao it was fun)

i hope that helps even a little bit, i did my best to explain but sorry if it was mostly nonsense though :,DDD best of luck with your art, anon!! <3333

[llendrinall]

It kinda annoys me that I can't seem to find a lot of Percy fics where he helps save people and just doesn't hang out with his family again.

And let me explain. Percy always had expectations dropped on him from a young age ever since the twins were born. And they were added and added everytime he got a new sibling so he didn't get the care he deserved.

And then when he's ambitious, his siblings are like "I dont like you. You're a stick in the mud. Blah blah" and so on. THEN when he finished school he wants to work in the Ministry like his dad did and his dad essentially calls him an idiot for wanting to do something for himself for once. I legit believe that Percy never had any room to breath and make his own decisions.

If I was Percy I'd help during the war and after the war I'd help rebuild but I wouldn't go back to my family cuz they were super toxic to me.

And I think even after he rejoined the family they were still total twats towards him.

There are two parts to this ask.

1) You aren’t finding the fic you crave. I had a similar experience a few years ago when I wanted a story to explicitly say how stupid it was for Harry to suffer at the Dursleys and also what an utter disaster Hogwarts is as an educational institution. There aren’t that many options for the folk who don’t want to receive a letter from Hogwarts.

My advice is that you write the most self-indulgent fic you want about Percy. Post it. And then, because you won’t be quite happy with it, write another one. This way you get it out of your system and we get at least two fics.

2) Percy’s treatment.

For our purposes, Percy is Hallmark movie girl.

Hallmark movies, for those who don’t know, are the paradigm (but not the only offenders) of “idealized post-war values”. I’m sure film criticism has a better definition, but the general idea is that women should step aside and let men (who have returned from the war) go back to their place in the professional world. Some common tropes we find are:

- Work life makes you miserable (and no matter how hard you try, you can’t succeed babygirl).

- Family is more important than personal or career development.

- City bad. Country good (this is a super old idea, but it keeps coming back.)

- Because family is good and better than work, prioritizing your work makes you a bad person.

This attitude is prevalent in the HP books. Good women become mothers (Lily, Molly Weasley, Tonks, Hermione, Ginny) bad women don’t have children (Bella). Good people are family oriented (the Weasleys being the main example), bad people prioritize their job in the city (Percy, Fudge, the Hogwarts students worried about their parents’ jobs in the Ministry).

Percy, who is ambitious, is punished for wanting to succeed in his career and for turning his back to the family. But ambition is good! Ambition, when you don’t step on someone else, is good. Percy ambitioning a better life, free of poverty and doing something useful for society, is good.

Percy seems to have gone through a process of parentification, that is, dropping on an older child many of the parenting responsibilities. He is very mature for his age because he has to be, but he is still a kid. Arthur telling him that he didn’t deserve his promotion was colossally stupid. It hurt Percy and his sense of self-worth and it also destroyed the opportunity of Percy spying on the Ministry for the Order.

Considering the pressure Percy suffers, his decisions aren’t half bad. Sure, he cuts out the family in a very dramatic way and he writes stupid letters. But at least he isn’t engaging in self-destructing behaviors (which I always headcanon him as doing).

Anyway, write us the fic, anon.

[doberbutts]

pompilini

I can confirm doodles/beardy dogs absolutely have trouble seeing through the bangs. I have to trim my guy every two weeks if I dont want his vision suffer. At least in his case, he's off if he has too much hair (like you'd expect, he's less confident and more distracted), but it's subtle enough that I think it'd be hard to pin down or to even peg as an issue for a lot of people.

I've met other less even-tempered doodle types that are prone to startles and big reactions and I wouldn't be surprised if visibility was a factor there at all.

Oh yes, I used to live with a poodle that was always kept very long, and if his hair was not pulled/banded out of his eyes it was almost a guarantee that he’d startle badly at something because he was constantly walking into walls and sort of feeling around with his feet if he thought he was going to bonk into something. This is also, btw, why I say that if people are going to rag on certain breeds for not being able to survive well without human intervention, then they are going to have to include these fuzzy dogs in that.

This particular dog was also very fearful, and I think that’s just genetic temperament tbh, but I don’t think the occasionally legit not being able to see helped with that at all.

The discussion of sight and how it relates to specifically fear and aggression in dogs is always an interesting one. We know that dogs do not always register pain as coming from the source it’s actually coming from- like a toddler they can build associations and superstitions from undiagnosed/untreated pain and the behaviors that may cause them pain even by accident. A dog that stepped on a thorn may be wary later of walking in that same patch of ground, or it may be several days later when the infected sore bursts against hot concrete and now the dog has a serious aversion to sidewalks or being on leash.

It makes sense to me, then, that a dog that is already constantly unsure and second-guessing what it sees will eventually have a spectacularly bad experience at some point, and a dog that is already unsteady is just waiting to explode once that threshold line is crossed. The big reaction could simply be from them already having felt fear and stress due to being unconfident in their environment/not trusting their eyes, and because that’s the dog’s “normal” there’s no way to tell when the dog is becoming overwhelmed if you’re not already on the lookout for the subtle signs. Otherwise your sign is whatever big dramatic reaction the dog has when it finally does guess wrong and does not like that possibility.

I recall a conversation about Pangur and her very dramatic reaction to a roommate walking into the room despite knowing and liking said roommate, and we eventually came to the realization that the specific room this was happening in was very well lit... which is a problem for an albino cat that likely has the severe photosensitivity and low vision in bright lighting. At that point, she can only react to what she’s able to process, which could be simply a large shadowy shape has entered the room and is coming right at her, and that could explain the “OH MY GOD A MONSTER” reaction here while other times she begs said roommate for affection.

A friend of mine lives in Florida and has a big sun-lit room with bright white tile floors. Her albino doberman on these floors acts like he’s completely unable to see where the floor actually is. He does the thing where he reaches out with a paw and test-steps several times before committing to putting his weight down on that foot, wash rinse repeat. If a toy is on that floor, he will puff up and snarl and bark at it and even when recalled away will continue to hard stare and growl in the toy’s direction. The same toy could be put on a different floor in a different room and he will ignore or play with it. He does the same if one of those big flying roaches or a lizard gets into that room, and her photos of him in that room are with his eyes squinted almost completely shut. I don’t think he can see in that room, and what little he’s able to make out he doesn’t trust, and so it comes out as fear and aggression because he doesn’t know what else to do with what he thinks is there.

I recently had a shih tzu client that is very aggressive for grooming, especially around his face. We’ve been working really hard on getting him to calm down, but one of the big turning points we had was when we finally got him to let us shave around his eyes and trim his head/beard. Suddenly being able to see us comforting him and talking to him seemed to calm him immensely. Of course! He’d already had some trauma related to grooming and now he can’t see what’s happening when these strangers are touching him all over! Suddenly we’re able to comb him fully, give him a sanitary, pick out some knots trying to become mats, etc and he stood there happily wagging his tail at the bather who was talking nicely to him to help him through it.

Anyway. I feel like vision concerns aren’t brought up as factors for some of these behavioral cases when they should be. I’ve seen time and time again that limiting a dog’s sight whether because of a health problem or because of gear/necessity seems to always up your chances for a Big Problem later on, and it’s interesting to see that as well in other animals that rely on their sight as well. Sight might not be THE number one factor for how a dog navigates their world, but clearly it’s important enough that lacking it can create some pretty serious behavior concerns.

[rip-a-dip-dip-you-potato-chip]

what have I created?

idk if yall like this, but they just exist not i guess :/

ok the the first one is Royalty AU

first things first, when I say Royalty AU, I don't mean the classic shit we've all become accustomed to. Im talking about the good old Chinese royalty! And I want to emphasize that these guys will/should be dressed in century appropriate attire. As someone thats read a handful of 'marinette, princess of china' fics from the ML Fandom, I've noticed a common trend. Marinette wouldn't be in the culturally appropriate clothes, always ballgowns. Not that there's something wrong with it, its just most of if not all these fic are set in China, so I'd expect Chinese royalty to dress as THERE dress code calls for. And since this AU takes place far in the past like, it won't make sense for any of the characters to be in royal clothing that wasn't from there region. I'm not trying to white knight/gatekeeping. Im Guyanese not Chinese. But since JTTW and Monkie Kid take place in China, it's only right. In my opinion that it. You don't have to outright agree with me.

With out of the way, it's time for that good old AU crack

- Wukong is the king of the Flower Fruit kingdom(or a different one if you'd like, again I'm only familiar with what western culture has taught me, but I'll try my hardest) 

- he’s single but rumor has it he used to/still is dating the Vigilante/thief The Six Eared Macaque

- *chants ShadowPeach violently* 

- no one know whether it true or not

- On of his wanders around the kingdom he finds an abandoned baby in a basket. 

- and no shit sherlock it's fucking baby Xiaotian 

- I think we all know where this is going because i'm a simp for Monkey Dad & Monkie Son shenanigans

- Xiaotian becomes prince

Shit, ill be referring to Xiaotian as Mk from now on, I mentioned this before in a fic I wrote for lmk that Mk's a nickname for Xiaotian for some reason- wait i don't have to explain my self to you people!

- Sun loves his son

- MK is treated differently by staff and others because he's not blood related to the king

- no one mistreats MK per say, because there King loved his adopted son, but words are said behind his back

- Sometimes MK hears what’s said, and he feels as if he won't live up to his dad’s legacy.

- He meets Mei during a festival

- Mei is from a noble family, that wouldn't mind if they got a connection into the royal family.

- but it becomes hella clear to Mei’s family very fast that the two are just friends, and will always will be. but hey there daughter is bffs with the prince so that's a plus.       

_

- the Demon Bull Family is rules a kingdom as well, I dont/am not creative enough to think of a name I leave that to you.

- It's a common misconception that DBK is a tyrant, when he’s not. 

- most of the time...

- they have been at war with the Monkey King for some time now and settled for a peace agreement.

- that agreement being there sons to marry

- oooo original i know

- MK and Red Son are roughly the same age, Mk being 20 and RS 22

- RS is revolted/disgusted at the idea of being wed to the Monkey Kings child, even more so when he realizes MK is adopted,

- but, that all changes the second he meets MK while he meets him by accident when he gets kinda lost in the palace when he and his parents go to discuss the arrangements.

- the second he looks at MK, he's instantly in love. MK less so, he's nervous and honestly kinda bummed he's not marrying someone he loves but it's for the good of his ppl, and he'll do anything for them.

- RS isn't even aware that MK is Suns adopted son until MK walks him back to the meeting room.

"Oh There you are MK! I was about to have a servant go fetch you!" Sun Wukong says, gesturing for his boy to come sit with him.

"S-sorry for keeping you waiting I got caught up in my lessons with Mr. Tang" MK responds, sitting next to his father. Red Son looked gobsmacked. The beautiful young man he had bumped into, was the prince of this land? Damn, life truly blessed him. Or cursed him depending on how you looked at it.

- the two are left alone in a separate room for a while.

- And MK straight up tells RS why he's agreeing to this union.

"Look Red Son. I've dreamed about meeting my one true love for a while. And I would give almost anything for that dram to be real. But I wouldn't ever dare give up my people, for as there price they mean more to me. I'm doing this for them, no other reason" MK says, his back straight and hands folded neatly in his lap. The look in his eyes was a mix of sadness, but that was drowned out by loyalty and determination. It just made Red Son fall for him even harder. Clearing his throat Red spoke.

"I understand, for im doing this for the betterment of my people to. But I propose a wager"

"A wager?"

"Yes, if i can make you fall in love with me by years end, before our marriage, we can live together like in the fairy tales from far away. But if I fail, in a years time afterwards you will be permitted to find your own path in life" Red Son stated. MK took a moment to process what was happening.

"So, if you succeed in making me fall in love with you, before our marriage we can live happily ever after?" Red Son nodded in response, letting the younger continue.

"And if I shouldn't fall for you, in a years time after our union, im free to leave?" Red Son nodded once more.

"So, what do you say?"

...

"Deal"

In the end, your free to choose their fate, should Red Son win the hart of Mk? Will he fail? Or will he let him go, and let him travel the country, after all Mk's a free spirit and keeping him trapped in a big house is like keeping a cannery trapped in a cage only for its song, only for it to dul. Or will the unthinkable happen and will both boys find their freedom? together or appart? I don't know, because that's all up to you 😉

personally, I’m partial to where MK and Red Son both find freedom together. Like they straight up run away together to somewhere far away and just live out there lives together. 

this could also be genderbent thing as well. MK or Red as their respective counterparts. Again it doesn't have to be, but it’s whatever bro. im just spitting out the idea. 

Also, there is a main side plot that they fight the WBS throughout the year as well, along with other shenanigans you wanna throw in.

____

The second is a My Hero Academia/BNH/MHA AU

truth be told i'm not a big fan of MHA i think it to over hyped(this is also coming from the same person that’s a Fairy Tail fan lol), and the fandom i don't even know how to describe that mess, but I will admit not the whole of its toxic since every fandom has some toxic members, some even more so. 

I just sometimes find myself enjoying MHA AUs like the Fullmetal Alchemist, Danny Phantom, Evil!Deuk AU and several others. 

to make it clear I don't see this AU taking place the same time as the main plot of the actual Anime/Manga. This could be either like 6-10 years before or after the plot idk bro. But i’ll do this after the main story plot of MHA, so keep that in mind ya? another thing, the gang is still in China, the top hero school in the world just so happens to be in Japan, and it’s only ever mentioned by Sun wukong and other pro heros. So MK never attended AU. in short it’s only ever mention/ reference.  

_

- Mk was considered Quirkless as a kid. 

- he was just a late blumer, i swear  

- Mai’s Quirk is called Dragon. 

- it pretty much works the same way as it does in the show(duh)

- Tang’s got a knowledge Quirk, 

- my man can retain information and he’s basically an archive of information drawback being his personality lol 

- Piggsy is a Animal that gained a Quirk

- in cannon to my current knowledge, there are two other characters that can confirm animals can become sentient. the characters being Fumikage Tokoyami, & Nezu the principal at the school UA.  

- Sandy is just Conner Kent, aka he like superman but can't fly, or shoot lasers from his eyes. And blue.  

I have two scenarios for Macaque and Wukong  

*- The first one is that, Sun Wukong & Macaque are brothers. twins to be exact. 

- they where legit people, but have mutation quirks that made them too like monkeys. 

- the added powers were just a boues. 

- Sun and Mac are close growing up, like there brothers but also best friends.

- the draw back to there quirks could honestly be whatever you want bro idk, same with the others tbh. Personally I like to think Sun just has lack of motivation, and Macaque needs to draw on other people's energy.

- Sun is a hero, Monkey KIng and Mac is a villain Six Eared.

- Sun was always treated has the golden child in the family, Mac always resented that, but there shitty up bring didn’t stop the two from being good brothers to one another.

- soon tho the resentment became hatred when Sun was able to attend UA in Japan, while Mac didn't.

- Mac be angy 

- so he became a villain, and joined the Chinese branch of the LOV(league of villains)

- Sun doesn't know this till he finds out during the all out war during the main story. and by that time he’s a full on hero with is own agency(The Flower Fruit agency)    

- when the hero's ultimately win and Mac is arrested 

- This ultimately hurts Sun a lot, his brother was in jail now, arrested for his involvement and wrong doings, he knew nothing about this! this brother, his blood. A bad guy? why? he hadn't seen his brother since he left for UA, he hadn’t seen him when he came home, and started his agency. 

- this just puts Sun into a funk so he’s not as active as he used to be, and he starts thinking he might need a successor 

*- The second one is that they were two separate people that had similar quirks and both attended UA but Sun ended up in the hero corse. so 1A.

- Both Macaque and Sun have similar quirks, Sun’s is obviously more light based while Macaque’s is more shadow based(this applies to the first one as well)    

- Macaque was placed in class 1B, U.A.’s High's Heroics Department, I believe, you can correct me. 

- In cannon Class 1A and 1B both went to the training camp. I can see the teachers pinning Sun and Macaque against each other to hone their skills. 

- And because of that they become great friends    

- In fact when they graduate they both co-found there hero agency together in China and are a duo.

- But due to Monkey King’s popularity and Six Eared's association with shadows(people sometimes saying he has more of a villains quirk than a heros) the public see’s Macaque as Sun’s sidekick when thats far from the truth. 

- now it’s up to you whether you think that Wukong and Macaque would be in a relationship together, but knowing how cooked we all are, ShadowPeach is a thing here more than likely. 

- If you do or don’t support/ like the ShadowPeach aspect, the two would be living together regardless since its more cost efficient. 

- They my be heroes but living costs are expensive!   

- I would imagine there would have been a huge fight/argument between the two in privet of course, at there home.(or in there shared office if you want the extra angst of the other people they work with hearing them fight)   

- If the two are dating, then this would either lead to an out right breakup, or Macaque just up and leaving with Wukong thinking he’ll come back once he’s cooled off. But after a week, with no sign of his partner, or him answering texts or calls, not even coming into work. Wukong gets worried that something might have happened to him. so there wouldn't be a confirmation if they were still a thing or not. 

- But Wukong remains hopeful, despite the nagging at the back of his head, and gut telling him to go find Macaque, or atleast make a public statement, or even just tell another pro hero about it.   

- on the not so shippy side, Macaque and Wukong still have there argument, and much like the ShadowPeach esc side, Macaque up and leaves, and isn't seen for weeks. the only difference here is that when Wukong comes home one night to there flat, most if not all of Macaques stuff is gone. 

- where as if this was the ShadowPeach side, Macaque leaves all of his possession in the flat he and wukong share. for the simple reason being, he still loves him and wants to go back, but Macaque being Macaque can’t bring himself to do it, especially after seeing just how hurt Wukong looked when he yelled at him just before he left.  

- in other words, ANGST DIALED UP TO A 10 BABY  

- in either case, its a news report that confirms Wukong's suspicions that he desperately didn’t want to believe, and that is Macaque turning into a villain.

- much like if the two were brothers, Wukong just can’t take it and is no longer as active as he once was, and is thinking about, either A) Retirement  B) Saying, “Fuck Society, Be Gay Do Crime” and join Macaque as a villain himself, or C) find a successor, and a way to bring Macaque back to there side, but most importantly, back to him.    

- also extra points if you're after people's hearts and want to make them suffer;  - If there dating, Wukong curle’s up in the bed he and Macaque shared, holding/wearing something of great value to Macaque and just crying himself to sleep, where as Macaque is getting wasted on alcohol, as he stumbles out of the bar he’s in, he either see’s something that reminds him of Wukong or while he’s trying to put his wallet back into his pocket, a photo of them on their first date fall’s out. and Macaque just cries in a nearby alley way. And it’s there where he gets indoctrinated into the League.

       - If there just friends, macaque heads to the nearest forest and just levels it, where as Wukong just gets engrossed into his work, trying not to think about it. you could add you own spin on this, again i'm just spitballing.             

- NOW BACK TO MK! :D     

- Obviously MK is a huge Monkey King fan     

- at Twenty MK has come to terms he's quirkless (HE’S NOT)

-for ANGST reasons MKs fokes kicked him out at this realization at 13.

- he works at Piggsy's Noodle shop, and has been since he was 14.

- don't need a quirk to drive or cook!

- the boy lives a content life with his new family, till DBK happens :D

- DBK runs a Mafia(in conjunction with TLOV) and has been in jail for like 5 years thanks to Monkey King, PIF and RS brake him out one night when MK's out making a late night delivery since Piggsy had the bright idea to go 24/7 service!

- one thing leads to another and Mk somehow manifest what looks like the Monkey King's staff, but its not, it’s MKs powers, it just so happens to be the same power the Monkey King has. And it practically goes down the same way in the pilot. 

- but unlike the pilot Mk and Mei go straight to the FF Agency, after making a panicked call to Pigsy and Tang.

- one way or another Mk are lead into Wukongs office. Mei being forced to stay in the lobby.

- they have there convo, butterfly monkey squishing included.

- "And so, I want you do be my success-" BOOM 💥

- from there they rush downstairs and see that the lobby has been infiltrated by the DB fam, and you know fight.

- once the DB family seems like there down, PIF wisks them away. Much to Monkey King’s displeasure.

From there stuff kind plays out like cannon, the calabash ep is just a conjoint quirk the Demon bros have. As for EP9, ill have to script that one out myself lol. I'll get onto it as soon as my will to commit stabs me in the face. Till then have a dancing Kermit the frog.

Now if you'll excuse me, am about to Kermit a felony :D

(For legal reasons thats a joke)

Psst @writingamongther0ses its done

[championofdnd]

Gonna rant for a bit. Normally I wouldn't put anything about work online but I am so freaking frustrated. I came into this job (Sys Admin) with 0 experience. My boss and team lead knew this. In my interview (with both of them, not with hr) I was very honest about how much I actually knew.

So they hire me for my enthusiasm. I spend the first week getting my work station set up, doing the mandatory trainings, and learning people's names. The standard. And then I ask for work... The team lead is swamped with an emergency fix, use this website to start working on this cert that we want you to get. Okay cool I get it, I'll ask again tomorrow, and the day after that, and the next week... And oh I got access to the servers, I need to go test my log in to ALL of them k. Anything else I can do to break the tedium? Documentation. Documentation of what? Oh right of stuff I haven't been shown how to do... Okay...

Like I can go google how to create a user on the system or how to install an operating system, but that doesn't tell me how your system is set up. Even if i had experience I'd still be asking, hey whats this server for? How do we move code between the environments? What software suites do we use for this task? Do we have a license for this product and what does the license allow? How do we normally access the systems, as root, as an individual user, as a group user?

And since I have 0 experience, I don't always have the right words to ask the question. So I end up with a lot of just show me. But I wouldn't get shown unless I ask 100 times. And I take notes but they aren't perfect so I have to come back later for clarification. But I'm expected to have finished this document on how to do this process I've seen done once so the doc can be used in an AUDIT??? So it has got to be right! And yeah my team lead is to busy to review it...

So I talk to my boss every week or so, how are things going. Well I've been working on the cert training and I've learned this and that recently. Does team lead answer your questions? Yeah sometimes he takes a while to get back cause he's always swamped but he's super friendly about it when I do get ahold of him. (Did I mention I started this job during quarantine, so guess who wasn't physically in the office the first 4months, team lead, so I'm relying on him answering my calls or calling back or responding to email/im). I mention it'll be easier when he can come back into the office but I of course understand why he can't at the moment. So boss asks if I have enough work. Well, I have a hard time getting work from team lead cause he's always swamped so finding time to delegate work is hard especially since he's so used to working alone but I'll keep asking and also since I don't have a lot of experience it can be hard cause he has to set aside to show some basic stuff. But again once he's in the office I'm sure it'll be better. Until then im keeping busy, after all itsy IT there's always plenty to do and it all needed to be done yesterday! So I'll keep working on that cert for now.

I pick up a few new small tasks every week, and report what I'm learning to boss. He double checks I'm busy enough cause he doesn't want me getting bored and leaving, they really want to keep me on. At some point I ask the receptionist if I can help her out with anything since team lead is swamped and my work load is light. I get chewed out by boss a few hours later and team lead calls and says he can give me some work tomorrow (which he does).

So I finally get to start ramping up it seems, boss wants everything I'm learning documented yesterday but I shrug that off cause that's normal IT proceedure. But team lead is still swamped so it takes a day to get answers to anything especially since he's still working from home.

This whole time I'm hearing about all the mistakes my predecessor (actually the last three) made, and how it's left team lead gun shy of trusting people with certain environments. And I'm like you know that's fair, I'm really process driven and quite cautious so I think it will work out. And so I'm like hey why don't I watch you do it a few times and then I'll do it a few times with you watching over my shoulder to point mistakes before I make them and then I can give it a shot on my own. And that's a great approach for me, makes me more comfortable with the work, and it's supposed make my team lead more comfortable.

So we're about 4mos in. Team lead comes back into office. There's some adjustments to be made. My workload is a rollercoaster of several things due yesterday to just doing cert training cause team lead is swamped and I know better by now than to bother asking. I'm still pretty well giving the same update to boss. There's been a few hiccups, missed a meeting here, messed up something small here. I learned how to fix the mistakes, documented everything for future reference. Boss says what matters is we don't make the same mistake twice. And I show where I documented it and I dont make the same mistake twice.

And so month five I ask boss if they're gonna hire me full time (i was on a 6mo trial) and how to start that process. And he says send him my updated resume so they can create a position and he has to double check with team lead just to make sure but that everything should be good to go.

Everything was not good to go. He comes back the next week and says team lead isn't sure I can do the job so I need to work extra hard these next two weeks to prove I can.

And well I deflated. How was I going to prove I could do the job? I'd done the tasks given me. I'd gotten good reviews. Was I asking too many questions? Team lead had commented several times that I didn't ask enough. But I'd only had a month to be able to corner him to ask things. And by this point I knew the answers to the tasks I was given, I'd done them all before. Was it because I'd missed/been late to some meetings? That was on me but it hadn't happened as of late and that mostly seemed to bug my boss not my team lead who brushed it off or missed/was late himself. And I'd fixed that problem. Was it because I wasn't surgically attached to my phone? Seriously get over it. If that's the issue I'm out, and you also need to be more clear on that expectation from the get go. So i spinu wheels and flounder for two weeks the work I'm assigned clearly isn't proving I can do this job amd my motivation flies out the window. It was a bad two weeks and I didn't know how to fix it (honestly I still don't entirely).

Team lead pulls me aside to say boss is very unimpressed (no duh, I've done nothing for two weeks) and wants to know if I still want the job since I've seemed very unenthusiastic as of late. Yes I still want the job. I do actually like the work I've been given. I'll try and fix my attitude (this was on a Thursday, a lot of people don't work Fridays at this office).

Monday the contracting company that's handling this trial period sets up a meeting, with their hr. I'm not meeting snuff. Why. I need to fix this. I need to attend meetings. I need to meet deadlines. Im legit like no duh, if I knew what the issue was I'd of already fixed it. Im as frysty as anyone but sure if it makes you happy I'll say I'll do those things.

Then Tuesday I have the epiphany. This is stupid. Of course I'm not doing the work. The work is pointless from my perspective. It's not gonna prove I deserve the job. It's the same I've been doing for months that I was told was good enough only to find out at the last minute that actually no it wasn't? If course I'm going to struggle. There has been a massive miscommunication here!

So after talking it over with the SO to make sure I'm not crazy and to hash out what I want to say I set up a meeting with my boss. This was last week. Team lead is gone for fourth of july already. I explain my epiphany that if team leads wants me to prove I can do something he needs to give me work that will prove it. I accept I've had a bad few weeks, the trial has been extended a month and I'm ready to bounce back.

Except team lead is gone so I've got the same old work to do that Thursday friy. And I don't do it, I'm still not convinced it matters. We came back in the office on Tuesday. I own up to not having done that work yet but knock it out quickly that morning and start asking questions about my next task. Oh it's the same thing you've done before but on a new server, you need to select one different option when you do it... Oh..kay... Whelp it's gotta be done its a new server I convince myslef this will prove something to team lead and go knock it out. End of the day I swing by to ask a question and team lead had to leave early (it was a legit reason, had to take dog to the vet, but it's annoying at this point). But he didn't bother telling me this, boss has to tell me.

So Wednesday (yesterday) I come in and flounder, I still have the same old tasks. After luch i worj up the resolve to tey asking team lead what else I can do. I can knock out the tasks I have pretty quick. He'll have to find something for me. I don't hear back that day.

So here I am this morning, I'm fed up. SO thinks I should call team lead out to boss. I'm having a hard time with it though. Is it really his fault? Maybe I'm not pushing hard enough for more work? I mean haven't explicitly gone to his office and said give me more challenging work or else. Like how do I say that. At this point I'm struggling to complete the easy tasks I have, why would he give me something harder? But they themselves have said the receptionist could do what I do. I just. I don't want to even bother at this point...

[vincent-frankenstein]

ADHD sides hcs :3c

self projection time? self projection time

feel free to add ur own hcs onto this im jus usin my own experiences here 

startin w PATTON

emotional regulation? who’s she? patton only knows feeling emotions with Every Single Atom in his body so powerfully he might one day Explode

if he’s happy hes HAPPY!!!!! it’s like his body fills with light and he’s walking 2 feet off the ground and nothing could go wrong — and then whoops, something goes wrong, and wh o o ps, hes crying, whoops —

has a million stuffed animals sitting aLL around the house so he always has something to Squeeze

Squeezing is a good stim dont @ me

he throws his whole body into stimming

flapping, bouncing, jumping, spinning — his body must be moving at all times or he will die 

starting things is. Very very hard for him. executive dysfunction hits DEEP and he’s just,,, paralyzed. he wants to do the thing!!! he really does!!! his brain just Wont Let Him

logan used to get very frustrated with him but then patton like, explained how it felt and a little lightbulb went off in logan’s head

“patton, I think you have adhd.”

“... i’m guessin that doesn’t mean im a-delightful-hip-dad?”

then they did some Research together and put together a plan to help patton work around executive dysfunction and, it works, sometimes

when it doesnt, logan makes hot cocoa and sits with him

AUDITORY. PROCESSING. PROBLEMS.

“Hey, Pat, what’s for dinner?” “huh?” “I said, what’s for —” “meATloaf”

hearing is an uphill struggle so sometimes he just Signs instead but a lot of the time he gets so excited about what he’s trying to say he just dissolves into flapping halfway through the sentence

lots of hyperfixations !!!! so many !!! he cycles through em one after another suuuuper quickly 

he never forgets a hyperfixation, and the mention of ANY old hyperfixations will have him cry-flapping

roman: hey did u know they’re making another phineas and ferb movie -

patton, vibrating intensely and sobbing, .5 seconds away from launching into orbit: theYR E MAKING A WHAT

ROMAN

singing is his absolute FAVORITE STIM

that moment where u reach a point in a song where ur chest just, Swells and u can feel ur voice Vibrating ? yeah

sometimes Does Not warm up beforehand bc ??? he has No Choice but to sing along to certain songs and he cant always control when they come on so his voice sometimes gets Very Raspy from belting without warmups

aside from that twirling and doing Ballet Poses are also very good stims. he stick his leggy out Real Far mmhm

roman: *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt fin

his room is a MESS and NO he will NOT clean it LOGAN he has a SYSTEM 

he doesnt have a system and the mess stresses him out to no end but he has one (1) braincell and it’s dedicated to Starting Projects And Not Finishing Them so

needs validation to survive

like legit if he doesnt get validation he will DIE 

on the flip side, if he gets any sort of rejection, he will also Die

logan: so I read through your latest script, and the idea is solid. We can definitely work with this. I did notice one oddly structured sentence so I fixed that for you —

roman: so you basically hate it and i should die 

rejection sensitive dysphoria is the one villain he has yet to figure out how to slay

contrary to what u might think, he keeps his hyperfixations Very close to his heart. he doesnt think he would survive it if one of the others were to criticize them

the one exception to this rule: disney. 

you cant look at this boy and tell me hes not hyperfixated on disney i mean did you s E E him in that one ep cmon

he will ramble about disney to anyone who will listen for hours. days, even, if you give him the opportunity. infodumping about disney is like injecting pure sunlight right into his bloodstream; by the end of it he’s glowing

once, after accepting anxiety, virgil and roman ended up in another debate about the Meanings of disney movies, but this time it was friendly, and by the end of it roman had gotten to ramble about each and every one of his favorite movies and he had never been happier

it was the first time virgil ever saw him Flap

they still get together to talk disney sometimes

VIRGIIIIL

virgil: *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while liste

like roman, Music is virgil’s main stim, but he prefers to just. Move. bouncin his leg and drumming his hands in the air and shaking his head etc etc

it takes. literally foreVER for him to trust the others enough to stim around them. music is his main comfort but, for a Long Time, he wouldnt let himself listen to it when the others were around, just bc he knew he’d want to stim and he couLDNT bc what if he got juDGED

but then one day roman starts singing and patton jumps up and starts spinning and virgils like “???” and logans like “that’s how they stim” and virgils like “!!!!”

he Tappy Leg Real Fast

he also has a string of beads he carries everywhere to twist around his fingers bc bead,,, Good Texture

he struggles with rsd just as badly as roman, but he shows it in a Different Way

roman hurts, but hes an actor. he’s not about to invite more rejection by letting them know how much their words hurt! no no no, he keeps up the bravado until hes back in his room and then he breaks

but virgil. the rsd hits and its like, a physical blow to his chest and he crumples, wilting in on himself, and the world around him just sorta, ebbs away. for virgil, rsd is static

after AA the others start to learn his Signs for when hes feeling Bad™ so whenever he shrinks away they’ll stop the conversation and talk him through his insecurities until he feels better

SPOOKY HYPERFIXATIONS ALL THE WAY

went to Halloween Horror Nights one (1) time and now listens to the music on repeat and just. stims for hours

also hes in love with austin gumbam from academy of villains me? self projecting? never 

knows Every Obscure Fact from Every Horror Movie Ever and the urge to infodump is Consntantly at the forefront of his mind but he Never Does

unless someone gives him permission 

virgil: oh? chucky? thats a. cool movie.  did you know that — uh. nvm

logan: no no, go on

virgil, vibrating at a speed that could shatter glass: iF YOU INSIST-

LOGAN,,,,

this bitch is just as bad at Emotional Regulation as patton

hes just better at hiding it

that little stunt w the paper in lntao? he is Constantly .5 seconds away from going apeshitt. that was just A Glimpse into the chaos

he’s just,,,, very very bad at Identifying what he’s feeling. patton hid his feelings from the others, but he still knew what he was feeling, and he knows how to identify emotions

logan, on the other hand? 

logan: passion and anger are both Hot. they must be The Same Thing

patton: i. i mean. not really

logan: goddamnit

or

patton: logan? are you crying?

logan, touching his cheek and finding Tears: hm. tragic. and here i thought i was “happy”

he’d much rather just,,, Not feel but thats not an option bc he still feels things intensely, he just doesnt know What he’s feeling most of the time

quiet stims. he runs his hands along the fabric of his tie, feeling the grooves of the stitches, and readjusts his glasses constantly. if he’s feelin extra wild, he’ll even pull out his rubix cube and solve and re-solve it without even looking

LOTS of obscure hyperfixations

he has so many books on so many different subjects,,,, his room is more of a library than a bedroom and thats just the way he likes it

throwback to that one time he hyperfixated on reptiles and thomas’ little “slimy boy” outburst had him chasing deceit around the mindscape trying to feel his scales “FOR SCIENCE”

memory. problems.

he HATES hates hates hates the fact that things slip his mind so easily. hence, the notebook, and the daily planner, and the deluge of postits hanging around his bedroom

it frustrates him to no end especiaLLY when he forgets important information in front of thomas

patton watches out for the signs of Frustration and brings logan a cup of tea later than day and helps him sort through the Mess of notes on his desk to catalogue the Important Info

just let logan and patton be adhd buds @god bls i beggeth

but when he does remember The Information and thomas praises him? effervescent

logan, after thomas called him cool, kicking down pattons door: I FINALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPINESS TRULY FEELS LIKE

patton: hey! cool your jets there, kiddo!

logan:

patton: :3c

logan, turning around: neveRMIND

patton: nO WAI T-

the day thomas called him cool was the first time he ever Flapped

[sparklyandchic]

🦋 MINI MIND MAKEOVER 🦋

okay i started the idea for this mini little mind makeover when i broke up with my boyfriend in like january. instead of being sad or angry, i wanted to be grateful for this time and take it as an opportunity to make life better for myself. then quarantine happened, so some of these are related to things i’ve learned since that started. either way, these aren’t all concrete things to do for your mind; some of them are just ways of thinking or pep talks. but if you can find one little piece of information or thought that makes you a little bit happier for a moment, that’s all i can hope for!

5-htp: okay first off- please ALWAYS consult your psychiatrist or medical professional before taking a supplement! taking 5-htp with, for example, serotonin-increasing medications can lead to a fatal illness called serotonin syndrome. personally, i started taking it because i had been on 10 mg prozac for a few months. it definitely dulled a lot of my anxiety and had a lot of positive aspects to it, but it dulled them almost too much to the point where i felt apathetic and detached from myself and the situations i was in. i was in a very unhealthy relationship and felt like i needed my mental clarity and “overthinking” processes back in order to identify what i was feeling and how to deal with it. i felt a lot more “sensitive” after coming off it, which was actually really welcome for me at first, but then it sort of dropped off into withdrawals. i was having constant panic attacks and crying very often. after a while, i was debating going back on prozac, but remembered i had taken 5-htp before. 5-htp is an amino acid that is a direct precursor to serotonin being produced in the brain. when u eat turkey, tryptophan is converted into 5-htp which leads to your brain producing serotonin, thus why you feel calm and happy afterwards. after taking 5-htp for just a few days, ranging between 200-300 mg per day (again, do your research, ask your doctor, and start small) i stopped crying constantly and really felt this sense of calmness and wellbeing but without the detachment and apathy i felt with prozac. i could still think clearly but didn’t feel overly sensitive to every emotion which arose. personally, it is really a lifesaver and really does make a noticeable difference.

cognitive behavioral therapy: ive tried therapy a million times. well okay, like 5 or 6 different therapists. at its worst, therapists told me i needed to use my sexual power as a woman in order to get what i wanted from men, told me i’m bad at socializing and should do group therapy, said my mom shouldn’t have encouraged me to “be myself” when i was younger because it made me less likeable than if i had conformed to normal societal standards of dressing. i had gone to “therapists” who claimed to be trained in CBT, but when i told them about my experiences with dissociation, the only feedback i got was to “take more baths.” while going through a few unpleasant experiences in my personal life, i decided i should try CBT once more, but like the real kind. i found an ivy-league educated licensed psychologist (NOT a “licensed clinical social worker” who doesn’t even have a psychology degree!!) who SPECIALIZED specifically in cognitive behavioral therapy. just after the first session, i was so elated with my experience. as opposed to just telling me that i needed to be more normal or more kind or a better person, she tried to identify WHAT was making me feel that way about myself in the first place. she pointed out the positive things i do and reassured me i was kind, good, and deserving of good things. she pointed out many aspects of my situation that would have taken me days or weeks to come to on my own. i’ve realized my hubris isn’t that i’m not socially acceptable or not perfect enough, but its just that i tend to THINK that i am these things despite having no evidence of it. so, over time with therapy, my positive self image about who i am as a person has grown and strengthened and i dont just randomly feel like a bad human being anymore lol. moral of the story, if you wanna do therapy but it keeps sucking, dont give up. go to a legit psychologist, find someone who specializes in the type of therapy you’re seeking, and also be vocal during your sessions. stand up to your psychologist when they continually push a narrative onto you, and explain why you don’t agree with it. sometimes it’s their job to try different narratives to see what fits, and if you just passively let them say what they want to, you’ll never find the truth of your experience! it’s a communal effort! therapy isn’t usually a magic cure-all where one session fixes everything that goes awry in your brain. but if you find someone who knows what they’re doing they can in fact really help your thought processes become less twisted up and more clear and healthy.

meditation and mindfulness: a few weeks ago i felt anxious and overly driven to get things done to the point where i spiraled into a space of guilt or a panic attack over not getting enough things done. meditation can be so so helpful here. it’s better to spend an hour sitting and doing nothing, but doing it peacefully and then calmly moving on to doing something else, than to spend 5 hours stressing yourself over every single thing you need to get done and how much time you’re wasting. the things that need to get done will get done. another thing that i’ve realized and say to myself a lot is: “focus not on doing all things perfectly, but on doing the small things well.” by this i mean, stop thinking about the 20 things you need to get done and how it all needs to be perfect, but instead take your time with the task that presents itself as most beneficial right now and focus on enjoying it and giving your whole self to the process. for example, stop thinking about how you need to clean your room, your closet, donate clothes, take a shower, take out the trash, read, workout, etc. think to yourself; “which task would bring me the most joy right now?” if the answer is taking a shower, then take that damn shower. bring your speaker into the bathroom, scrub every inch of your scalp with shampoo, scrub your feet and behind your ears and your neck with body wash, brush the conditioner through your hair fully. you may end your shower with 19 other things to do, but god damn if you can’t enjoy a single one of them and be present for it, what’s the fucking point! go light a candle and bask in its glow, go make your bed and huddle up in your neatly arranged covers, go take a long bath or a thorough shower, and be proud of and content with that today. 

relationships, with others and yourself: okay, if you missed the memo, my ex-boyfriend sucked. like genuinely was a bad person. he was a drug dealer, so that’s red flag number 1 (which i ignored of course), he hadn’t graduated high school (he was 18, i was 20, he was supposed to graduate the last semester but refused to do the work and ignored me and his mother when encouraged to do it, which is uhh definitely red flag number 2 which i also ignored), he habitually did not show up for dates on time or lied about what he was going to do or what he did (literally everything he did was a red flag and i rlly ignored all of it). the worst part was how he responded when i worked up the courage to speak to him about it. if we had agreed upon a time for our date but he showed up literally 8 hours late, he would blame it on me because i “could have called” him, or that i was “demanding too much of” him, or that i “should have said something earlier so now [i was] just dragging it out because it already happened.” basically, whatever narrative he pushed at me, i eventually gave into. i’ve dealt with gaslighting in a relationship before and a part of me knew what was happening to me, but a part of me also kept having hope for him, kept empathizing with him, kept wanting to believe in him. after a bit too much time, i finally realized you have to trust yourself, empathize with yourself, and believing in yourself over anyone else. at first i felt bad for him not being able to graduate because i had my own struggles with high school and getting work done. i thought he may have issues but he deserves someone to be there for him because i wanted someone to be there for me. despite the pain and stress he was causing me, i sat around crying over him because i cared about him and tend to over-empathize with people close to me, whether they deserve it or not. my therapist told me something that at first i did not understand, but over time came to grasp in its entirety: “some people do not deserve your love or kindness.” after our first session, my homework was to “consider when you are being kind and when you are being taken advantage of.” this made me realize that what feels like your instinctual nature to be nice to others, can in fact be a self-sabotaging unfair action, depending on the other person’s response. i might be dishing out a lot right now, but bear with me. think of it this way: you regard an action as a “kind action”. you might think “kind actions” include: forgiving someone for large mistakes, putting someone’s needs over yours, sparing them some change when they ask for it, listening to the problems they are dealing with every day. BUT when their actions include not forgiving you for minor mistakes, not giving a sh*t about your needs or considering them, not caring how much money they take from you and how much money you need to have around, or habitually glossing over your problems because it doesn’t benefit them to care, THEN those actions you performed are NOT “KIND ACTIONS” anymore. the act of continuing to give them leeway is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of giving them money is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of buying into their story at the expense of your sanity, is now the act of being taken advantage. basically, all i’m saying is START PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST AND TRUSTING YOURSELF WHEN YOU FEEL SOMEONE DOESN’T HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND. 

ending thoughts: i know quarantine is difficult right now. the desire to grow contrasted with the inability to move. maybe try and follow that old 2008~ quote; “bloom where you are planted”. you might not be able to reach the goals you thought you would during this time. you might not be able to run a marathon or make a bunch of new friends or wake up at 6 AM to workout or redo your bedroom or get a rhinoplasty or join a gym or get an internship. working towards productivity might be unrealistic right now. but you can work everyday towards becoming the woman you want to be, mentally. you can work on learning to be content, learning to make the best with what you have, learning to appreciate the little things, learning to slow down. these are all qualities that i for one want to have just as much as i want to be attractive or successful. if you can’t enjoy success, what’s the fucking point! life is on pause right now, take this moment as a gift and consider your internal world and what parts of your mind need a makeover. there are horrible things happening in the world right now, do what you can to help, but if you’re safe and healthy then be grateful for the things you can learn from this difficult time. take it slow, but keep moving forward! 

[jedi-order-apologist]

yooooo just wanna say im legit SO glad i found ur blog. ur fantastic at putting words together to form solid debate w/o making it feel like unwarranted aggression. u would make a fantastic jedi. i totally get why more people dont bring up the issue considering how ppl get online, but its so great to just read good jedi meta! i also think its fascinating (in like. a horrifying way) how the jedi hate in the fandom came to be, and your explanation feels like it hit the nail in the head. (1/?)

Fundamental misunderstandings about Asian philosophies, false equivocacy with the Christian religion, intolerance toward aro/aspec folk, being just flat out unable to relate to or sympathize with characters that dont act or process in certain ways, these are all things i def noticed but never had the words to put into! Ive seen the term "marital bliss" used maybe 4 times in fandom unironically, (2/?)

ALL in star wars. someone once compared the no attatchments rule to "pray the gay away" (yes about anidala, a very much het couple) The way they cry "child thief cultists!" one minute then joke over soldiers in the aftermath of a battle (that they fought in and walked away from) finding a small child in the wreckage (of what was likely their home, meaning said soldier was likely responsible for attacking and destroying and uh. orphaning them) and then taking them from the planet without (3/?)   

, i dunno? checking for extended family? And i LOVE true mando culture (i am sabine wren's bitch forever and always, and each and every one of the clones are a babe) but somehow other sw culture tags, (mando and tatooine basically) are just hella anti-jedi??? and this really unfounded idea that no one in the order liked anakin, and that they didnt have a fufilling sustainable way of life after a millenia of existing, and the inexplicable but we all know why dislike for windu especially?? (4/?)

youve managed to answer so many questions while also giving and linking genuine, informative, interesting meta for anyone interested in listening and im super grateful for it! (sorry for the monster of an ask lol. also just realized i ended up talking more about negativity than anything else of the MANY things i wanted to compliment u on T^T) (5 or 6 idk anymore/?)            

Thank you so much! I’m really glad that my blog and meta has been able to resonate with you and so many other people :) And I’m glad that it doesn’t come off as aggressive, because I do worry about that sometimes when I’m trying to think of the best way to word things.

It really is so unfortunate how much more criticism the Jedi get in all aspects than any other culture in Star Wars, and how often appreciation for those other cultures spends an inordinate amount of time taking potshots at the Jedi as if to bolster their favored group by comparison. Sure, in-universe, it makes complete sense for many Mandalorians to be anti-Jedi, but the fandom doesn’t need to be.

People really don’t understand the “no attachments” thing - a lot of the expanded material didn’t help with that because they too often conflated attachment with love, and people projected that onto the films. (I also think the AOTC marketing is to blame a bit too - I was only 6 at the time the film came out so I don’t really remember but a lot of the marketing stuff seems to have gone really hard on the “forbidden love” aspect. A lot of the trailers, for example, have the line where Padmé says she thought love was forbidden for a Jedi, but don’t include Anakin’s response to that explaining the difference, so of course the former part sticks out in people’s minds through repetition).

And yeah, the Order was, as far as we’re shown in the films/TCW, generally reasonable towards Anakin and did their best to support and guide him - it’s just, well, evidently guidance is criticism in the fandom’s eyes. That, and a not-insignificant part of fandom likes to woobify him, and twisting the situation into a “everybody was so mean and unfair to him” thing is a pretty standard woobification tactic.

Fanon interpretations of the Jedi are just...really annoying, in general, and if I can at least get people to consider a more charitable view, then I’ll be much happier. If not, well, at least I can commiserate about it all with other Jedi fans like you!

[yinxiong]

do u have any anime recs?? ive only watched the popular ones like haikyuu, bnha and aot but its kinda overwhelming to look for new ones so im asking u since i know & trust that u have good taste

ooohhhhhh boyyyy im vibrating bc 1) you’re asking me for anime recs 2) yOU SAID I HAVE GOOD TASTE HDJK THANK 🥺💞

okay but being serious here ,,, i’m not sure exactly what genres you’re looking for so i’ll put a list of my favorites + other ones similar to those 3 you might enjoy :))) if you have anything specific in mind lmk !!! i recently compiled a list of everything i’ve watched / tried to watch (it’s quite embarrassing actually) so hopefully there’s something you’ll like on there 😊

fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood

genre: shounen, action, fantasy, women characters being badass

very brief summary: two boys learn alchemy and try to get their bodies back, ends up unravelling government conspiracy in the process

this is my all time favorite uhdfdjks

top tier, a masterpiece truly

i'd rate it 100/10 but it surpasses that honestly

it's just really REALLY good

might be a little bit slow in the beginning but trust me it picks up quickly

if you’re interested it’s originally a manga and has some more details the anime left out !!!

assassination classroom / ansatsu kyoushitsu

genre: shounen, school, action, kids being kids but with knives and guns

brief summary: a class of kids are assigned to kill a super monster before he blows up the earth in exactly one year - the catch is that he’s their homeroom teacher :D

basically kids learning how to be assassins but also trying to pass school and it's all very heartfelt and you WILL adopt them all

10/10 i cry every time

honestly watch this first it’s very easy to follow

also a manga with a few storylines the anime left out, not crucial but i recommend anyways since i read it first before the anime even came out and it just has a special place in my heart

noragami

genre: shounen, urban fantasy, gods being literal disasters someone pls help them

brief summary: a girl accidentally meets an unknown god and asks him for his help, slowly learns more about his world (i’m so sorry this is really vague but it’ll all be covered in the first episode trust me)

the gods can find spirits (dead people) and turn them into weapons if that’s cool

sexy animation !!!!!

only big flaw with the anime is that they mess up the main character’s characterization a little bit so you might want to read the manga? also only has two seasons and the manga is further along ,,, but everyone is currently stressed tf out over the plot ohmygod ,,,

gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun

genre: romantic comedy but heavy emphasis on comedy, slice of life, literal chaos

brief summary: a girl has a crush on a guy who turns out to be a manga artist, she winds up being his assistant (this barely covers it though)

a bunch of high school kids being chaotic and oblivious

just watch it i can’t really explain it in words you’ll be laughing a lot

only one season so if you enjoy there’s also more chaos in the manga

your lie in april / shigatsu wa kimi no uso

genre: shoujo, classical music !!!!

brief summary: a former piano prodigy who no longer plays because he can’t hear music meets a violinist that brings color into his life once again

look

this is top tier

so beautiful hhdjfdks

i watched this on my new tv and shed real tears

as a pianist/musician i adore it a lot hhhhh the pieces they chose to play are all the favs (i performed a medley with my violinist friend for a show once hahahah)

a little sad tho beware of feels

the opening song is like . so freaking well known omg

akame ga kill!

genre: shounen, action, lots of fighting and blood, war

brief summary: a boy joins a group of assassins who are working to overthrow the shithole government (yea sounds kind of basic but there’s more to it)

mainly just girls with weapons

i mean there’s guys too but the girls are the best characters

the weapons are lowkey magical too

yea this is where my nickname came from lol

the anime gets a 7/10 but the manga probably 8/10

manga is darker, more graphic but better plotwise

no game no life

genre: shounen, a bit of ecchi ugh, lots of mind games

brief summary: two genius gamer siblings get transported to a world where everything is decided by games, they decide they want to beat god

very colorful and pretty animation!!!!

there’s some questionable “fanservice” moments but ignoring that the plot is legit

only one season tho :(( pls it was so popular when it came out where is s2

there is a movie prequel, a lot more angsty but still vv good

ao haru ride

genre: shoujo, the usual high school romance, slice of life

brief summary: a girl meets the guy she used to have a crush on, only to find that his personality has completely changed (she has too though)

insert falling back in love

one of the shoujo classics haha

i binged this in one night a few weeks ago

not sure if it was worth it but i had fun lmao

just a low stakes cute anime

also very pretty

only 12 eps, the manga finishes later

given

genre: just music boys being gay lol (jk it’s kind of sad)

brief summary: a boy learns to move on from his ex by joining a band (this is possibly the shittiest summary ever but i dont wanna give anything away hdjhkjs)

just watch it lmao it’ll make sense

idiot boys

band boys !!!

feels but not overwhelming

the comedy is top notch though

i adore given so much hhjkdf waiting for the movie to come out

THE MUSIC IS SO GOOD

all the songs are on spotify i listen to them way too much

yuri on ice

genre: figure skaters being gay that’s all you need to know

brief summary: a figure skater falls into a slump, somehow winds up with the top skater as his coach (yet another shitty summary sorry)

hmm this isn’t actually one of my favorites but it’s popular enough so why not

i just really love figure skating hfjdks

it’s pretty accurate i’d say! there are even easter eggs of top men skaters irl hahah

definitely dramatized lol

but still pretty fun

bungou stray dogs

genre: shounen, urban fantasy, very dapper mafia / detectives

brief summary: a kid on the run after getting kicked out of his orphanage accidentally saves a detective, shit goes down from there

pretty fun as you learn about their powers, watch them solve mysteries

the fighting is cool too

until the machine guns appear ugh i just tune that part out

oh yea all the characters are named for actual literary figures and i didnt realize until s2 💀

fairy tail

genre: shounen, magic/fantasy, action, friends !!!!!

brief summary: just mages in guilds going on quests lolol what more do you want

fr it’s honestly quite chill

like there’s definitely an ongoing plot and lots of subplots / arcs

but it’s very character driven

so many cool character designs

was OBSESSED w this in middle school ,,, highkey embarrassing omg

one of the big anime/manga, if you like bnha i’m sure you’ll have fun with fairy tail

this was a stupidly long list and im clearly way too excited ,,, if you have any questions or just want to scream about any of these, my inbox is always open ;)))

[mikeholdher]

Here’s the problem...

Instead of debating, arguing, or whatever you call it for simple understanding. People always want to be a clear winner. So from that point forward you undermine the whole conversation.

You aren’t listening for understanding anymore. You’re listening so you can respond. And when that happens you cloud your own judgement and ability to think rationally. Something someone said that makes perfect logical sense you write off completely cause it doesn’t fit your narrative or if you agree with them you feel like you are losing.

I really wish less people had this mindset cause it ruins not only so many potential friendships but also the opportunity to mentally grow. You can learn so much from other people if you just listen with an open mind. 

Scenario from earlier:

“Well I’m not going to date a tumblr person ever so...”

“Out of curiosity why is it a bad thing that I have a Tumblr??? Like what is a Tumblr person? So if I didn’t have a Tumblr you wouldn’t care?”

“Nvm. Too much to explain u won’t get it.”

“Thanks for insulting my intelligence there. So instead of explaining it and helping me to better understand something. He won’t get it... I'm not going to push the subject anymore. It's obvious I'm not worth your time or the explanation. I honestly pray your situation gets better and you find whatever it is you're looking for.”

“See what I mean ? U spin it to make yourself the victim. I dont date people I meet on tumblr. That's just my rule. There happy ?”

“See here's the problem. You're speaking from a place where there needs to be a clear winner and clear loser in this conversation...meanwhile I'm just trying to better understand a situation. I don't care if I lose. I can admit I'm wrong. I can agree with someone even if the outcome isn't ideal for me. I'm not sure you can do the same. In all seriousness I'm not being sarcastic here or trolling.You're right you don't owe me an explanation. I asked and instead of saying no. You told me I wouldn't get it.Those are two completely different answers. One simply says no. The other says I won't tell you cause you won't understand.There is no victim card there. It's a simple fact...you think I lack the capacity to understand = insulting my intelligence. How is that playing the victim?”

“It's like like a teacher going through a whole lesson...getting to the end and a student raises his hand and ask them to elaborate on something. And the teacher tells them they wouldn't understand...that's exactly what it is.

 “ Ok.”

“We went through this whole talk earlier and this whole time you still think its because i want to make you feel inferior or force you to date me...that's the sad part about it.”

“I'm already off that. I'm thinking in terms of how I can better understand you. or any female for that matter so that it doesn't happen in the future.”

“ Like am I making any sense at all? “

And to be honest with you after reading I come off as condescending I think. And it’s not intentional at all. It’s a literal condition that I have from going through chemo and radiation that messes with my short term memory. So I struggle to get my point across.and have to re explain stuff I tell everyone this ahead of time and it’s like they just ignore it. It’s why I tell everyone I hate texting...verbal communication with tones and inflection are so much easier for me. It’s not me being creepy or trying to finessed a phone number or anything it’s legit an easier form of communication.

It’s frustrating getting profiled cause I’m a Male over the internet who slides in a DM and no matter what I say people don’t believe me.

I’m getting off topic. But the point I was trying to make is that everyone is so stuck in an “I don’t owe you an explanation,” mode or “you wouldn’t understand.” That it hurts society as a whole.If people were more open about sharing experiences and facing their traumas they’d realize a lot of the things they go through some of the people right next to them deal with as well. Anxiety, depression, feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, unrequited love, irritability, financial instability, and whatever else you can think of.

Like whenever someone ask me about cancer even though I’m still processing things from it I don’t turn them away. It makes things easier honestly. I get things out that have been weighing on my mind and stopping me from moving forward. And they learn more about something they are curious about. It’s a win win scenario.

   “You are living proof that life is tough. It takes a incredibly strong person to fight like you did and continue to fight when your world is turned upside down. Seeing you fight is inspiring and makes me appreciate every little thing so much more. Bro if you ever need somebody to talk to, a ear to vent to or just somebody to bullshit with I’m here. I know we’ve never met and we don’t really know each other that well. But just know I care about you and that’s the least i could do, in return for the way you inspire the world.” - Frankie

    “You are a fighter. Your mentality, positivity and strength throughout this difficult time has been an inspiration!” - Nikki  

    “Legit you’re put thru trials because you can handle them.you are an amazing individual for having the strength you have and you inspire me!everyday is a blessing not a guarantee. Stay strong brother you’ve made an impact on this life” - Andrew

    “Damn man that last part hits different cause I always talk about how I just want to change people's lives and just be a positive influence. I'm glad to hear that. Let's me know I'm making progress on being a better version of myself. Not only that but making sure the people around me feel the same way.” - me

    “Yes sir I’m aware about the people around me trust I’ve had a very interesting up bringing and I notice peoples struggles. And I’m open to peoples struggles. Your story is inspiring and I love that! You have affected me in a positive way so thank you 🙏🏾 you’re a fighter and I respect and admire that more than anything” - Andrew

      “Thank you for the warning. More thankful for the sharing of honest words and REAL photos. While you may struggle with pride, your willingness to be vulnerable is admirable. Keep sharing. Keep fighting. ❤️.” - Kelli

These aren’t even half the people that I’ve talked to or shared my experience with. But each and every one of them has made this a lot easier to deal with. Now Imagine going through all of this alone. If I would have turned everyone away because I thought they were all the same.

So please don’t judge people from jump and assume that they are all the same. We aren’t. With everything going on in my life it’s a waste of energy to be petty, negative, or manipulative. It only hurts me in the long run cause I lose out on life changing experiences. And I know better than anyone tomorrow isn’t promised so I have to live in the moment.

“You have about 4 weeks to live...”

“This is above my pay grade so I have to send you up the road.”

“We’ll do our best to save your eye and make sure we don’t damage the brain.”

“We don’t know what it is. Cause it behaves like fibrous dysplasia but that take years to grow. This keeps coming back in months.”

“He’s coding... What happened?” passes out*

“He’s not responding to the epi pen.”

The list goes on...

[lifeofalaurie]

my uwc story

i remember reading through uwc blogs when i had just found out about uwc and when i was applying and going through all those months of WAITING for the next step...and they were so helpful. im so glad these exist

i first found out uwc through my brother’s friend, who actually went to UWC atlantic college (where im headed!!!!) a few years back. it was one ordinary saturday afternoon (idk if it was actually saturday but that sounds right) and we were carpooling with said friend (usually i dont participate in these but i happened to be in the car that day) and we were talking about next year and whatever and she just kinda said that she wasn’t going to be back next year bc she was going to this ‘abroad’ program. i didnt even really think about it that much. i in fact forgot about it after that...apparently my dad did not.

so my dad would talk about it here and there but i was NOT INTERESTED for that whole year..then...i started researching a bit myself and thought oh this sounds kind of cool. i still didn't really get what UWC even was or if was even a legit thing. it just sounded like another boarding school (a huge NO for me). then i saw that there was a such thing as a “short program” (or maybe someone actually told me about it) and i decided to apply for the one at the USA campus in New Mexico. i remember writing the essays over winter break and thinking they were pretty terrible (there was also a skype interview involved and that was rough) so i was pretty shocked when i found out i had gotten in but it worked out well bc my fam was going to arizona anyway a week before that so i just flew to new mexico myself after that (i say that casually but we had to cancel tickets and get new ones so that i could go to new mexico instead of home PLUS i had to fly for myself for the first time and i was pretty confused). (also, the program is called global leadership forum or GLF)

after hermit’s peak hike (ALL UPHILL FOR A SOLID 4-5 HOURS) i think it was like 8 miles IDK. view was so nice though 10/10

GLF turned out to be an amazing experience and really solidified my trust in UWC and confirmed to me that it was indeed a real thing. i really loved how much we did in those 2 and half weeks or so - camping, hiking, interacting w wolves, having important discussions - and it really pushed me to decide to apply to UWC for real. maybe ill talk more about it in another post!!!!

ok so coming home i did even more research and really really started liking UWC and decided that i might as well try to apply. i knew they never had a certain ‘criteria’ for students but i also knew it was a long and stressful process and involved really digging deep so i really didn’t think much of it (didn’t think i really had a chance) after submitting my written application. and then began the long waiting game...

here’s a nice picture of the sky @ a wolf reservation! just wanted to add a nice pic 

i never joined any of those fb groups or college confidential things for applicants and good thing bc looking at some of them now stress me out so i wouldve probably been even more stressed if i had been involved in that. also i didnt even know they existed until later so thats also probably why.

anyway i had totally forgotten about UWC (more like i was sure they’d forgotten about me or there had been something wrong like my application wasn’t submitted or something) bc i didnt hear back until the end of november (i submitted the application early october). but finding out i was a semifinalist was kind of traumatic bc in my GLF snapchat group one of my friends (who’s going to Pearson this year!!!) said he’d moved on to the next stage and i hadn’t GOTTEN ANY EMAIL. i think i just accepted it that that was the end. but then a few hours passed when i finally decided to check a different email and, alas, there it was. so a few days later, i got an email from my interviewer when we should do our skype interview and it turned out to be the same day i was taking the ACT. good

the interview turned out to be completely ok and actually really great (enjoyable even!!?). if youre at that stage, seriously the best advice i have is to just chill and be honest when youre answering. also, make it more like a conversation rather than the interviewers (yes there are prob going to be more than 1 but i assure u its ok) asking u questions back and forth. think of it as a conversation- that helped me so much to relax. the interviewers just wants to talk to you and find out what kind of person you are and if youre the same one that wrote all those deep meaningful essays from the written application - so if you were honest from the start youll be completely fine...if not, well..sry

after that, school and extracurriculars and life really went up for me and i just forgot about UWC again. i never really told any of my friends about it or anyone except for my parents. i kind of wanted it to be a personal thing- get in or not in the end.

after a really good last day of school before winter break, i went to the town library (lol) and checked my phone and therE IT WAS. I WAS A FINALIST WHICH MEANT I WOULD BE GOING TO THE UWC USA CAMPUS FOR FINALIST WEEKEND. did not know what to expect

waiting for finalist weekend felt looooong

but it came

i flew there myself AND IT WASNT EVEN DIRECT and i remember feeling so independent and proud for making it. it turned out i was one of the later ones and in the last group to be bussed over (but i met a friend on the bus who i still talk to here and there who is going to RBC this yr!!). we were so late we missed the initial meeting and first night of activities and just went straight to the hotel. at the hotel i saw my interviewer and she gave me a hug (<3) and that helped calm me down and it was also really nice to see her in person bc i remember really liking her during our skype interview. then finalist weekend happened. and im pretty sure im not supposed to expose the process so all i can say was that it was actually so genuinely fun and a real good time 

UWC USA <3 

at the end we all exchanged social media and fb and all that and started a messenger group chat -- as nice as it was to be able to connect to everyone, i think it really stressed everyone out. they told us that results would come out early that week (FALSE). THAT WEEK AFTER FINALIST WEEKEND WAS THE MOST STRESSFUL THING EVER. IT TOOK YEARS FOR IT TO GO BY. i remember constantly checking my email between classes and everyone in the group chat wondering if anyone had heard. then on wed night, we all got an email that said the results would be notified by friday instead. the worst

i remember that friday evening i was packing for my first hackathon (it was fun) and thinking the call wouldnt come until later that night. people were freaking out all over the group chat. then, as i was scrambling packing my sweatpants into my bag, the home phone started ringing and i ran..RAN TO THE PHONE. it said my interviewer’s name on the caller ID and i was like OK THIS I S REAL. and i picked it up and it turned out i was too late so i frantically called back probably 10 times on multiple different phones (my efforts did not work). but then, i got a call to the home phone again and it was her so i picked up RIGHT AWAY and when she told me... i kid you not that i screamed and ran around my house a few times. so thats it. it was kind of a really long and sstressful process for sure, but SOO WORTH IT. i definitely learned a lot just from that process bc it makes you think and reflect a lot all throughout. weeee

if youre even thinking about applying please GO FOR IT (well as long as ur in the right age limit, 16-18.... and also make sure you’ve done some research to get a feel for it).. but just DO IT. and u can ask me questions if u want and ill answer to the best of my personal ability (but remember that im just one person and one experience and each person’s experience is completely different)

here is the general website btw:

https://www.uwc.org/

i will probably do another post to explain UWC - at least in my own words and perspective!

<3 <3 <3

[orbemnews]

Unemployment Scammer Spills Secrets: Illinois Easy Target Because 'They Don’t Verify Anything' By Dorothy Tucker CHICAGO (CBS) — You’ve heard a lot about fraud in the state’s unemployment system, but you’ve never heard this: A scammer spills his secrets — how he steals your taxpayer dollars, leaving those desperately needing benefits stuck in limbo. CBS 2 Investigator Dorothy Tucker went inside the scheme and uncovers why Illinois is a favorite target. Cynthia Sawaneh couldn’t believe what CBS 2 showed her on her computer. The information she was looking at usually lurks in the shadows, meant for criminals who are aiming to make millions, targeting taxpayers like Sawaneh. “This is really scary. Oh my God,” she said after reading the words on the screen. “They got my money.” The CBS 2 Investigators showed Sawaneh a 19-page guide. It’s a how-to on filing fraudulent unemployment claims. “It’s like any other step-by-step tutorial,” said Crane Hassold, who is the Senior Director of Threat Research at Agari, a business email security firm. “It walks you through exactly what questions to answer.” Before Agari, Hassold worked in the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit, investigating national security threats and serial criminals, like those scamming unemployment systems across the country, including here in Illinois. “They’ve adapted their tactics,” he said. His job at Agari is to cultivate a network of sources, willing to sell their scamming secrets. “We’ve been able to build those sources over the past year or so,” he said. As a result of the connections made, Hassold knows their tactics and the tutorial well. “It’s a lot of screenshots and very brief descriptions of how you should fill out the information,” he said. The tutorial for Illinois describes which section to leave blank, when to click next and where to answer “no.” It also describes how to fill out the phone number — just find the area code and the rest can be “rubbish”. “What’s really surprising is how open a lot of these cybercriminals are to share how they do what they do,” said Hassold. The scammers are also telling Hassold and his team how they get their hands on the money. “Once a claim has actually been filed and everything’s processing, it provides the user with an opportunity to change that direct deposit method,” said Hassold. Translation: it makes it easy for the thief to steer stolen funds to an accessible account. We’re not telling you where or how to find the tutorials, but we will say it took us less than 24 hours to get an offer to buy one.  All it took was a series of text messages with someone with a tutorial to sell and pictures to prove it. The asking price? $50 in bitcoin or cash. “It’s completely disgusting that this exists,” said Ofer Eckstein who is a partner at Personnel Planners, a third-party vendor helping clients process unemployment claims. Describing the amount of fraud right now, he said, “It’s terrible.” His clients feel the pain. Personnel Planners has 1,200 across the state representing school districts, healthcare facilities and restaurants. His clients employ about 200,000 people. “Over 50% of the claims that we receive in our office are fraudulent claims,” Eckstein said. Before the pandemic he said it was “Less than 1%.” The bogus claims Eckstein sees are just a fraction of the fraud. The Illinois Department of Employment Security reported, between March 2020 and January 2021, it had stopped close to one million fraudulent claims. Cynthia Sawaneh’s case is one of them. After her work hours cut back from 40 hours a week to just 16 hours, she applied for unemployment benefits in late October. She received one deposit, $397, before getting a letter from IDES saying, “…that my identity had been compromised. Therefore, my unemployment was ceased,” said Sawaneh. Like so many identity theft victims, she knows scammers have her personal information, “My employer, my address, my name, my date of birth,” she said. But Sawaneh has one big outstanding question. “I would really like to know how they got my information,” she asked. Here’s how. Scammers bought it, probably off the dark web. It’s the same place criminals shop for drugs, guns, fake passports and social security numbers. Paul Petefish, with Chicago’s Evolve Security, showed CBS 2 how easy it is to find those things. “Right here we have list of markets,” he said. A five-minute search turned up nearly 500 vendors. “This is somebody’s driver’s license,” said Petefish.   Precious personal information for sale collected from massive data breaches in the past. Among those: The 2013 hack of three billion Yahoo accounts that exposed names, email addresses, phone numbers, birthdates, passwords as well as security questions and answers. The 2018 hack of 500 million Marriott accounts revealing customers’ names, addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, birthdates and gender. Hackers also got some payment card numbers and expiration dates according to the Federal Trade Commission. The 2017 hack of Equifax where the personal identifiable information of 147 million people got stolen, including their names, social security numbers, birthdates, addresses and in some cases, their driver’s license numbers. What’s the cost to buy that information now, all these years later? “This one’s $40. This one’s $8,” said Petefish. Who is buying this information and then using it to steal identities, file fake claims and slow down benefits for the jobless or underemployed who are struggling, like Sawaneh? Her unemployment benefits suddenly stopped and her identity appeared to have been compromised. She now visits food banks frequently to feed her family.  “It’s things I find myself doing that I’ve never had to do before,” she said. Another first: “All my bills are behind,” said Sawaneh. Even her mortgage.  “There are times that bills come in and you don’t bother to look at them because it just depresses you,” she said. She had just bought her very first home and now worries about losing it. “I never would have dreamed that I would have to go through this,” said Sawaneh. Scammers could not care less about her struggle to keep food on the table, make a dent in the growing pile of bills or keep her dream home. Many of them reside far away from the South Side of Chicago where Sawaneh lives. They live in the dark recesses of Russia, Europe, and West Africa. “A lot of the scammers are young, They’re quite highly educated,” said Crane Hassold whose sources are in Nigeria. “It’s a job. This is how they make their living,” he said. So, he pays them $150 in cryptocurrency, untraceable money, to talk. “They want to brag about the crimes that they’re committing,” said Hassold. What one scammer told him about our unemployment system will make you cringe. The scammer said: “They don’t verify anything. What they just check is, is the name and the social security number the same? Is the date of birth on the Social Security number correct? That’s the only thing we have to get right on our part. Once they have gotten those kinds of information, it is over?” And get this, scammers consider IDES an easier target than most. Why? “Primarily because of some of the restrictions that are not in place in Illinois may be in place in other states,” Hassold explained. He means better security measures like in Oklahoma, where a new identity verification tool was put in place in November. It’s a Digital ID program from IDEMIA. Oklahomans who file unemployment claims are now required to upload their driver’s license and take a selfie. The new tool uses facial recognition technology to make sure the faces match. “And this picture was taken recently and wasn’t pulled off the website or something like that,” said Shelley Zumwalt, the Executive Director at the Oklahoma Employment Security Commission (OESC). In just the first month using the new identity tool called VerifyOK, OESC saw fraud cases drop by 40%, verified and paid 100,000 legit claimants and saved taxpayers $20 million. “It helped quite a bit,” said Zumwalt. How long will it help? “This is a very difficult group of people to stay one step ahead of,” said Michele Evermore with the National Employment Law Project. She works with states to improve their unemployment systems and make them more secure. “After they figured out how to shut them out one way, the fraudsters figured out another way to get in,” she said. “Wherever there is an opportunity to make money, a lot of these scammers really jump on and try to make as much money as they can,” said Hassold. Making money at the expense of faceless victims like Sawaneh. “We don’t know them. We don’t know who they are. We don’t familiarize with them. It’s just an hustle to us over here,” said the scammer Hassold paid for his insight. What’s a hustle to the overseas scammer is harmful to people here in Illinois, like Sawaneh, waiting on benefits, trying to make ends meet and worrying about the future. “It’s been stressful to me. Many nights of no sleep. Waking up early, walking back and forth around the house. It’s a terrifying situation to live in,” she said. The question is what is IDES doing to stop scammers? We asked. The agency didn’t exactly answer that question. However, last week the agency did release a statement announcing new requirements. Now, all pandemic unemployment claimants will have to upload a paycheck stub, W-2 or some other proof of employment. Will this prevent fraud? We’ll have to wait to see. Also From CBS Chicago: Source link Orbem News #Dont #Easy #Illinois #Scammer #secrets #Spills #Target #Unemployment #verify

[roman-reigns-princess]

Sugar and Spice (Roman Reigns): Chapter 1

Chapter 2 Read it on Wattpad Writing Masterlist

Summary: Aasha and Leati lives are intertwined; it began with a simple contract six years ago that led to love and romance. Although they now live together, they lead busy lives that ten to keep them apart for weeks on end.They finally get a week to themselves in one of their favourite cities, Rome, Italy. Aasha has a couple surprises prepared for Leati, but little does she know, he has a couple of huge surprises for her as well.

Warnings (for the fic over all, not specifically this chapter): cis-female OC, 18+, definitely smutty, daddy kink, schoolgirl kink(?), anal play, choking, age difference,  unprotected sex (wrap it up yall), maybe a lil bit of a breeding kink (dont @ me), possibly semi-public sex, idk if this needs a warning but I use his first name in this fic just cause i really love it?

Aasha (OFC) Face Claim: Alia Bhatt (but like thiccer, and w longer hair)

Word Count: 2813

A/N: I wanna thank @reignwithflair​ and @macfizzle​ for helpin me out w this fic, and giving me some bomb ass ideas. Legit had this fic in my drafts since like June, but thanks to them i finally got it started properly. I originally wanted it to be more focused on their sugar relationship, but i added too much romance so like idk what to even call this fic anymore im sorry yall

Tag List: @macfizzle @reignwithflair @hoodgirl163 @vivalavonvon @imagines–assemble @spidermans-l-o-v-e-r@lavitabella87 @queenreignsempire @ziasaph @vanity1385@itsnethbellins @itsilovelukehemmings@randomfandompenguin @mrsamberlopezgoodanoai @harrystacowwe@hoshithehotspur @flawlessglamazon@inkedirishbbydoll-blog-blog @miss-limited-edition @kakakatey@moneypowergloryfameliquorlove@romanxreignz @firered82 @southernbelle91@reigningxo @littledeadrottinghood @cute-face-chubby-waist @arrowtothecrown@roman-reigns-truth @romansambrose @it-is-reigning-men @fictionalabyss @cool-snowball-22-blog

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Tucking her phone and room key into her purse, Aasha made her way to the elevator to go down to the bar in the hotel. Leati's flight wouldn't land for at least another half hour, meaning he'd probably get to the hotel in an hour.

She had arrived earlier in the day, and spent most of it preparing a surprise for him, going through the internet, and asking friends who had experience; she figured she'd treat herself a little before he got here.

She'd known for a while now that Leati had a thing for the whole school girl outfit, and Aasha had  been getting more and more curious about trying anal, though she hadn't said anything about it to Leati.

Over the past month or so she had been working her way up from the smallest anal plug, looking up how to do enemas properly, and talking to experienced friends. She'd also been putting together the perfect outfit for him, choosing each article of clothing separately to fit the idea she had in mind.

However, both their schedules had been too busy and they'd barely seen each other for the past 3 weeks. They were finally getting a whole week to themselves, and Leati suggested that they spend it in Rome at the renowned Westin Excelsior.

The Westin Excelsior was a stunning hotel that stood right in the middle of Rome; the architecture reminiscent of Ancient Roman palaces. The building itself was six stories tall, with a dome on top of one corner. Leati had, as usual, booked the biggest, most luxurious suite; the Villa La Cupola took up a good portion of the fifth and sixth floor of the hotel, including the dome.

Aasha's eyes nearly popped out of her head when she first walked into their villa. The living room was huge, decorated with a beautiful fresco; the velvety red curtains hanging from the floor to ceiling windows were drawn, allowing the sun to brighten up the room and warm up the marble floors.

It had its own kitchen, dining room, studio, and even a private gym, but her favourite feature was the Roman bath style Jacuzzi on the sixth floor that led to a terrace over looking the city, with St. Peter's Basilica in the distance.

The bedroom was another work of art; the floors covered with a beige and brown carpet that had red and peach designs curling across, matching the furniture, and heavy curtains.

There was a king sized bed pushed back against the wall, positioned so that the sun lit up the pristine white sheets; it was high enough that she needed to hop up onto it. The four posts around the bed were painted a bright gold that was offset by the gold patterned red drapes hanging off of them.

The rest of the hotel was just as beautiful, with its marble flooring, and artwork. She wandered around a little, admiring the beautiful paintings, and statues that decorated the different hallways before asking one of the staff to point her in the direction of the bar.

The bar was fairly empty, with only a small group of people occupying a corner of the room. Aasha hopped up onto one of the leather clad bar stools and ordered a cherry martini from the bartender. She thanked the bartender and gave him the room number to open a tab.

As she sat at the bar enjoying her drink, her mind began to wander back a few years to when she was in a similar place, waiting to meet Leati for the first time.

Aasha sat at the table of a fancy restaurant, her delicate fingers running up and down the stem of her glass as she waited for him. She had never been this nervous before, especially since she'd never done anything like this before either.

She was barely into her first year of college, and she was switching her major to photography, something her parents were not willing to financially support. Aasha didn't want to take student loans, but fortunately, her friend had told her about the arrangement she had with her sugar daddy, and Aasha had decided to give it a shot.

She had made it explicitly clear that she wasn't willing to do anything sexual for money; coming from a religious, Indian family, she had done barely anything more than kissing. She didn't really care about waiting till marriage to have sex, but she wasn't comfortable with the idea of having her first time be with some random guy who payed her for it.

It came as quite a surprise to her when Leati contacted her. She'd expected him to be less attractive, and much older than he was; granted he was about 10 years older than her, but he was only in his late 20s.

He had given her basic information about himself, and what he would want out of an arrangement, and they had agreed to meet face to face before finalizing anything. He was one of the founders of a major security company that often provided bodyguards to the highest ranking people, and he simply wanted someone to attend work functions with him without the hassle or drama of courting someone.

She was so lost in her thoughts that when a large hand gently gripped her shoulder she jumped, nearly knocking her virgin strawberry daiquiri over in the process; she looked up at the owner to find Leati Anoa'i looking down at her.

"Hi, you must be Aasha, I'm Leati," he said, flashing her a smile.

Her lips parted a little as her eyes drank him in, he was even more beautiful in real life, and certainly more intimidating if he wasn't smiling. He wore a grey suit with a red tie, his hair was slicked back into a bun, and he was clean shaven except for his mustache and goatee.

She blinked a couple times before realizing she was staring at him, she hurriedly stood up and held out her hand, a blush spread across her face as it finally occurred to her that she had no idea what she was supposed to do.

"I-um, yeah-it's good to meet you," she stuttered, biting the inside of her cheek for that. Her face turned redder as he chuckled and gently wrapped his hand around her fingers and pressed a light kiss on her knuckles.

"Pleasure's all mine, babygirl," he replied, letting go of her hand so they could both take a seat. "So, what would you like to eat?"

They spent the rest of the evening talking, and getting to know each other. He was one of three of the major owners of the company, he lived in Tampa about 45 minutes away from her, and he traveled a lot. By the end of the night, Aasha was relaxed, and comfortable enough around him to explain what she wanted, and what she was willing to do.

They didn't have any clashing needs, and he was more than happy to tell her that he'd draw up an agreement as soon as possible for the both of them to sign. He didn't seem to care that she wanted to keep their relationship platonic, but he did say once that if she wanted to go further he wouldn't be opposed to it.

Setting down her empty glass, she left a generous tip for the bartender, and slowly began to make her way back up to the room.

Over time her and Leati's relationship had evolved. They had become good friends, and she stuck with him through two attempted hostile takeovers by his partners even when he tried telling her he didn't want her caught up in that. He started bringing her to family gatherings, stating that he wanted his mother to stop bugging him about settling down. She got to know his family, his twin cousins who became his new partners, and even became close friends with his sister-in-laws, Trinity and Kecia.

As they spent more time together, she started to develop feelings for Leati, but her fear of rejection kept her silent, until one day she got a little too tipsy at an event and ended up confessing to him in the car.

Leati had a firm grip on Aasha's waist as they made their way down the steps of the hotel; he was glowering from the incident moments ago, one hand clenched into a fist at his side. Aasha couldn't help the shiver of fear that ran through her when she looked up at him, the only other time she'd seen him this angry was when Colby tried to wrest the company from Leati.

She'd known that this conference was a bad idea, she tried telling Leati that the McMahons would probably send Lopez as their representative to hopefully throw him off or simply to sew discord, but Leati's stubborn Italian pride wouldn't let him back down from this. To his credit, he managed to keep a lid on his emotions for most of the conference, that is until the farewell dinner.

Leati had left her alone momentarily to go to the restroom, which gave Colby the opportunity to slink up to her with that typical half smirk etched into his face. She gave him a polite smile and took a large sip of her champagne, not wanting to stir up any shit when they were so close to leaving.

"It's been too long, Aasha, you're looking good," she cringed as Colby's eyes took their time looking her over. "We never talk anymore, not even a Happy New Year text?"

"That's your own fault, Lopez," she glared at him, she wanted to get up and leave but there were people standing around the table, blocking her off; the only exit was past the man leering at her. "No one forced you to stab us-him in the back."

"Us? Did you guys finally hook up? Or is it still purely platonic?" he scoffed, not even bothering to acknowledge everything else she'd said.

"N-no, we're just good friends, something you obviously know nothing about," she bit back, taking another gulp of her drink.

"So you're not off the market? Cause I assure you, I can be a very good friend," Colby's smirk widened into a malicious smile as he leaned in, a hand coming to rest on her bare knee. She recoiled with disgust, ready to throw her drink in his face when she felt a  larger hand grab her arm, pulling her up and away from him.

She looked up to see Leati glaring at his former partner; Colby had the good sense to look somewhat scared as he stood up and subtly tried to back away. For each step he took back, the large Samoan took two forward.

"Hey, hey, listen, he's not worth it, let's just leave," Aasha pleaded, tugging at his arm. She tried not to shiver as he looked at her, his infamous volcanic rage simmering in his eyes. "Please."

"Fine," he said, giving Lopez one last scathing look before turning on his heel to march off with his arm around Aasha's waist. She texted the driver to meet them at the front as they made their way through the halls of the hotel.

They came to a stop at the entrance, waiting for the driver to pull up with their limo. Aasha turned to Leati, unbuttoning his jacket to slide her arms around him as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. A startled sound bubbled in his throat, but he hugged her back, kissing the top of her head. They stayed like that until the car drove up.

"I'm sorry," Leati said as he settled in next to her; she looked up at him in surprise. "I know you hate it when I get mad, I just couldn't stand the fact that he put his hands on you, I didn't mean to scare you."

"No, it's okay, you could never scare me, it was actually kinda hot," she mumbled the last part, her face heating up at the confession. She buried her face in his shoulder when his serious expression turned into a smirk. She arched into him as he slid a hand up her spine to grab her hair and pull her head back.

"You think it's hot?" he asked, a dangerous gleam in his eyes as he leaned in closer so that his face was inches from hers. "I-"

She cut him off with a kiss, her hands grabbing his shoulders to pull him closer. His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her onto him so that she was straddling his lap. She teasingly bit his lip, eliciting a deep growl from him. She pulled away to look up at him, the both of them panting a little as they stared at each other wide eyed.

"I think I love you," she blurted.

Aasha chuckled at the memory as she walked into the VIlla; back then she had been mortified, but thinking back to it now it seemed rather funny.

Glancing at her phone she saw that she had 40 more minutes till Leati got there. It would be just enough time to shower, and finish the final steps for her surprise. She took a quick 15 minute shower, then hopped out to grab the lube and one of her plugs. She decided to go with one of the smaller ones with a pink diamond on the top because she didn't want to deal with any discomfort.

After working it in, she left the lube in the drawer of a nightstand by the bed, slipped on a shorter baby pink silk robe, and went back to the bathroom to dry off her hair. She finished just in time to hear the door to the Villa opening and closing.

"Aasha?" Her face lit up as she heard Leati's deep voice. She let out a shriek of happiness, rushing out of the bathroom to find him setting his bags down in the bedroom. She practically jumped into his arms, making him laugh as he picked her up with one arm; much to her delight he had grown his beard out, but it also tickled her skin as he buried his face in her neck. "I missed you too, babe."

"God you look so good, it feels like it's been forever, I hate being apart for that long, promise me we won't have to spend more than a week apart again, Lea," she mumbled, giving him a deep kiss to show him just how much she missed him; his chest rumbled against her as he chuckled at the nickname she'd used.

"I dunno if I can promise that, but I'm sure if you gave the Board a good talkin to, they'll see things your way," he joked, walking to the bed to set her down. She pulled back to give him a mock glare before grabbing the front of his shirt to bring him in for another kiss.

His large hands roamed over her thighs, pushing up her robe as he massaged her soft skin; her own hands were busy rediscovering his strong chest, enjoying the warmth that she had desperately missed over the past few weeks, when he pushed her back with a quick shove before dropping to his knees to push her legs apart. She was about to let him when she remembered that she'd prepared surprises for him.

"Wait! No, I, uh," she said, hurriedly sitting up and clamping her legs shut. Leati gave her the cutest pout as he stood up. "I'm sorry, its just I got you a couple surprises but I haven't finished putting them together. Why don't you go take a shower, I'll be done by then."

"I GUESS I can wait a little while longer," he sighed dramatically, giving her a kiss and a grin. "You better be done by the time I'm out, cause I'll fuck you right where you stand, got it?"

"Yes, Daddy," she said with a cheeky smirk as she pushed him towards the bathroom. He gave her one last kiss, and landed a smack on her ass before walking into the shower.

Aasha dug through her bag, pulling on the outfit she had put together; a white button up shirt tucked into a flow-y black skirt that barely covered her ass, white thigh high socks held up by black thigh garters, and a loosely tied black tie. She could hear her boyfriend getting out of the shower and turning on the hair dryer which gave her just enough time to brush her own hair out and pull it up into two ponytails.

She just finished tucking her brush away, and unbuttoning the top 3 buttons of her shirt when the bathroom door opened and out stepped Leati in nothing but a towel.

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 11: “Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one?” - Aimee

Amy A

Ben ☹️. I didn’t play too well with him and it was such a good blindside I couldn’t resist. I wish him well and I just have a feeling I’m next to go 

Olivia A

Okay umm we got Ben out but it turns out Kalle gave me a real idol? So I feel weird. The reason we began suspecting her of lying was because Hanuha people knew about Maddison’s safety without power advantage and Kalle was literally the only person who could’ve told them. IDK!!

Aimee

I’m just so tired of crying! Sarah tried to video chat and I just couldn’t. No one knew I don’t think that Ben and I were so close. Gaaaaah I’m gonna miss him so much! He just helped me so much to stay sane in this game. The last thing I need is anyone seeing me as a big hot mess. I can’t catch a break. 

Sarah

From two nights ago.... https://youtu.be/uebz8rVKNbg https://youtu.be/xQyiuiGeEpo

Pedro A

when i actually thought i was at the bottom........THERES EVEN A LOWER BOTTOM...THAT IM IN RIGHT NOW......chille ben screwed us BIG TIME....we were in a great spot..i dont even know what to say at this point

Sarah

Wow. Okay. I didn’t want to be a villain but here we are. I will post a video confessional soon but for now, the plan to vote out Ben actually worked. I called Maddison last minute and explained that Ben and Kalle were tight and were all over the place, playing both sides. Maddison found out that Kalle was a rat and was not being completely truthful and we both agreed on voting Kalle or Ben. We agreed on Ben because we thought Kalle was going to play her idol on herself.... turns out Ben was telling the truth in voting out Kalle to old Hanuha and Kalle actually gave Olivia a real idol. More to come... but for now I feel like a villain ahhh. 

Kalle N.

Well I said that my only goal was to make jury and not go to the FTC so it looks like Ben really helped me achieve that. THAT FOOL REALLY FUCKED ME OVER ON HIS WAY OUT THE DOOR. This is fine. I will never let him forget that I've beaten him twice now and that's all that matters. Did not see this tribal coming at all. Can't wait to get voted out next

Najwah

If I learned anything today is that we tend to read in and over think and make up scenarios in our head. Ben was actually on our side all along? Who would have thought. All the bits and pieces he told us today just didn't add up and Cody said he was different and everyone was just quiet and Ben didn't talk in the group, he spoke to people individually. I don't really understand what just happened but we wasted so much energy speculating lmao. And now where the hell do we go from here? Cody has become so paranoid also. The minute Ben told him that those people will be writing his name he became soooo paranoid wtf. Then he WASTED an advantage and idol at tribal? Just bc he still didn't trust the plan. I'm starting to think that Cody just can't trust anyone or any process. I really think he needs to chill more. Be more low key. Just try to be calm. If you get voted out, it's not like you're going to die or something. It's just a game after all. 

Aimee

Apparently tribe was getting too suspicious of how Ben and Kalle were so close. I still don’t get why I had to be left out of the vote though? Why can’t I get the respect to be told what is happening before the vote, so I have time to process my emotions and have my stuff together a little. https://immunityilol.tumblr.com/post/617448854807298048 Instead I get nothing. I get a call from Sarah right after Ben is voted out. Obviously I can’t answer it because I’m crying and no one knew I was super close to Ben. I’m just so angry right now first Grae now Ben! IS MADDISON NEXT!? FUCK! Like Gah I’m afraid to get close to anyone. But I just love getting to know people. I finally got to video chat with Maddison. Fucking loved it! She is great to talk to and great to have on this crazy skype isolation island. I need some interaction and realness right now. Ok I’m totally drinking. It’s hard enough to process all this nonsense sober. We will see what the next day brings. 

Aimee

Sarah I really don’t want us to end up like this Casanova music video. 😢💔 I guess everyone wants to blindside Aimee as a treat. I hope people got their jollies out of it. 🌟 Allie X - Casanova feat VÉRITÉ https://youtu.be/YpVunjboAWg

Sarah

From last night.... https://youtu.be/EirlyVVXDKk

Sarah

Day 21 https://youtu.be/aYiGStuSKDA

Pedro A

Im afraid Kalle will throw me under the bus...just to stay this week cause shes on the bottom....and im also afraid that maddison and olivia will try to convince kalle to vote me out...instead ....since they are coming for me ...GOSHHH..i hate my life...i need immunity...CAN I LIKE HAVE IT?

Pedro A

okay so im excited to see everyone's answers to this challenge...THIS WILL BE INTERESTING...it will reveal a lot of people real thoughts ..IM READY FOR TEAAAA YALL

Najwah

I enjoyed my day today. I think it's the first time I was fully in the real world in 22 days. I'm playing a reckless game right now. There are so many layers in this game but after last night's tribal and learning that Ben was being legit, I just feel bad. I love Cody but he's definitely a loose cannon and can't play low key. Which is definitely bad for my game. He and Sarah are trying to push me into getting Amy on our side, but our relationship just isn't like that. I don't want to make her feel used. I like her. I really like her a lot. I like Sarah too. And Cody. I want to be friends with all these people IRL lol so I don't want to play against them or lie to them. This game just gets harder every time someone gets voted off tbh but I'm at the point where I feel like "if my plan works, then great", "if it doesn't, then whatever. I get to chill on panderosa and get to sleep more and actually spend time with my family and friends who I've been avoiding since this started lmao" Also, I'd be able to work again. I haven't got much work done urgh. I don't know whether my super idol is real. I'm curious to see what tonight's challenge will reveal. I am not going in with any syrategy

Cody wants to go for Kalle and Pedro coz they voted for him? I don't know, I think that's kinda silly and I'm not about revenge. You have to think rationally. And we have made a few irrational choices of late because people read into things. I still wish Ben hadn't told Cody that everyone was voting for him. That's how so much of yesterday's shit started. I have been so tired since yesterday. Tired of the scheming and overthinking and being paranoid over nothing urgh. Aimee also wants to call me after the challenge. I'm kinda scared tbh. I had a dream last night that Aimee killed me lmao this game is haunting me and giving me nightmares. Honestly, I'd be okay if anyone left wins this game. Okay except Kalle. She's the only one I've not interacted with and she just seems dodge idk. Maybe I'm still thinking about Zack's stupid analysis on people. Anyways. 

Najwah

I'm happy for Maddison tbh. She deserved that. I just want to scream about Cody though? Why did Cody chop Aimee? Wtf. And that made Aimee chop Sarah before she chopped Amy or Maddison. I'm so confused. Ugh. 

Maddison

Apparently I don’t know much about this tribe. Yeet!

Pedro A

Villan of the season?....im honored...but bitter jury?...i didnt like that one..lol

Aimee

I chopped Pedro for Grae. 

I chopped Olivia and haha sorry I got so nervous on here that I just chopped the final chop, even though that was savage as hell... I called her a goat and then chopped her right out of the game. Oops hahahahaha. When I watch this challenge back I look like the C word with a capital C.... And that word isn’t “cartwheel.” I chopped Sarah for the Ben blindside. I chopped Amy for my mental health. I can’t lose Maddison! I’m so sick of being tortured that I truly am running out of fucks tbh. Just chop anyone, whatever. Why do I care...

Aimee

Ohhhh Najwah!!!! Don’t worry about not telling me about the vote or accidentally calling me a goat because you didn’t know the meaning. I think I would make a cute goat. https://nunyabizni.tumblr.com/post/615593098008035328 Love that you think I’m actually “the Greatest of All Time.” I adore you and our friendship 💖❤️💞 luv you girl!!! I know you’re truly being genuine unlike others. I’m waiting for this game to tip in our favor so we can run with it. https://youtu.be/TGwZ7MNtBFU This MV is dedicated towards Najwah after Cody swooped in and stole my final 2 with her. No hard feelings; I have my own stuff to sort out after my man Ben was voted out. I’m pretty confident you have a final 2 with Cody and I love that for you. 🧡💛💚 I’m happy y’all got together and are strong with Sarah. But here I am. Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one? Just not playing the game and grazing my grass over here like a “goat?” They really don’t know how close I was with Ben and they got stupid lucky on that one. I’m not as clueless as you all think... it’s in your best interest to reconsider. Also let’s not skip over the fact that Sarah and I both didn’t get an answer on touchy subjects for “who do you trust the most.” Yeah don’t think I didn’t peep that. 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 Sarah didn’t put me and I didn’t put her. I put Maddison. Cody had 2 votes. Najwah and Sarah put him. I’m not dense. I guess Sarah is cool with being that 3rd wheel. Loving the fact that apparently no one has been seeing me reaching across the aisle for damn DAYS trying to play with Maddison.... oh honey, oh girl...oh no no ... that was just Ben right? Yeah. My final 2 with Ben is gone so I’m rogue and hoping I can get Maddison as far as possible with me. Also! Just letting you all know I’m not a damn chump. It’s SO OBVIOUS that Cody Najwah and Sarah have a fucking secret chat that they’ve been in since the beginning of all time, which included Zack. You’ve heard it here first folks. Oh and I’ve known this for at least a week or two. The tells are so blatant, but catch me pretending to have no idea. I’m not the goat that you think I am, but I would LOVE you to continue to think of me of a goat and forgettable. If you knew what I was doing I wouldn’t be allowed to get to the end. If I’m on any players radars then that means I am doing a bad job. So, I absolutely loved what this challenge revealed. I know way more than people think I know, but I am playing up the ditzy card hardcore. I would much rather prefer to be a stealthy sniper that people think is not playing. Give me a chance to explain my game in the final tribal and you might regret that. I have been doing all the same moves as Ben and same exact strategy.... he gets called a big threat and blindsided and yet here I am with identical strategy and totally left alone and tbh a little disrespected but that works to my advantage. Perception is not reality! This could be everyone’s biggest mistake and I honestly love it. I just want Kalle and Pedro out tbh. I got my big boobs and my positivity. I’m mind strong and I’m ready to get this. Your lady is never giving up. If you blindside me again it better be me that gets voted out. Otherwise you’re all in a world of fucking trouble... https://64.media.tumblr.com/0389c791f095d54973543b32d4414577/984582d2a107588c-89/s540x810/c10ec7b961de2fd3b693a886ea7385b04ed3d653.gifv

Najwah

I am still tired. LOL. Amy L still hasn't replied to me. I think she hates me right now and I burned the bridge with her, which I'm obviously sad about because it's the only bridge I really cared about? Like she's the only person who I was 100% sure about and we've always respected each others allegiance to their alliances. Anyway. What does it matter now? I'm going to let Cody and Sarah make a plan with this tribal scrambling. Oh Cody said the reason he chopped Aimees rope is because he didn't want her to win immunity again lmao so he rather chops someone in his own alliance wtf I can't get over that fatal mistake. That and playing the extra vote and idol😭😭 ugh and I think people assume I am his goat or something lmaooooo I absolutely adore Cody but I really hope he doesn't mess things up for himself. Sarah wants me to get coins for them to buy an immunity idol. Do I really want to waste 5 coins again on someone whose just going to get paranoid and play it? I don't know. I need to think on it. 

Aimee

Welp I finally told my first lie in this game and hopefully it’s not my demise. I guess it’s my turn to be messy. I’m still coping with Ben being gone. 💔😢😫 Why the nut, did I tell Pedro I want him here. It was definitely too much alcohol and worried if he had another idol I would be the throw vote. Welp we will see if he throws that info all over the island. https://64.media.tumblr.com/d9f98e355c7e9229777fa982551cfd7e/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do7_250.gifv https://64.media.tumblr.com/d37a2b6f76f83c1beaca2ca2bac6bb72/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do3_250.gifv I’ve made peace with it though. This lady ain’t stopping, but if this puts me in jury. I’m honestly excited! I’ll finally get to talk to James, Grae and Ben again! And that makes my heart warm. ♥️ 

Pedro A

I'm probably going home tonight....kinda done with this.....I'm exhausted and emotionally drained from this experience.. I just wanna chill...at the end of the day its either me or kalle....so may the odds be in my favor!!

Najwah

I'm nervous about this vote. Apparently Maddison and co are willing to work with us to get Kalle out. I don't know how legit it is but I'm tired tonight and I just think I should do an early vote before people change their minds. 

Amy A.

So we had the game yesterday and there was a question about ‘closest Ally’ and no one chose me. I’m not really bothered about everyone else except NAJWAH. She didn’t choose me! I was the only one who chose her cos her name came just ONCE. Whoever she ended up choosing as her closest ally didn’t even choose her. It’s made me real life sad because I trusted her so much. Honestly, I didn’t even think twice about putting her name down for closest ally. I haven’t even spoken to anyone about tonight’s vote. Idk who I’m voting for but I know it’s not her cos I promised her that. That’s the only reason. Maybe I’m the one going home. I don’t know. 

Maddison

Let’s hope for a straightforward vote tonight with no unforeseen twists!

Aimee

https://youtu.be/m4Z0RN_KhK0 A flow mobz - thrill over fear (feat. luna blake) Omg I couldn’t sleep last night and I just woke up being bitchy about Pedro. I don’t think he actually has anyone besides maybe Kalle. My walls are up and I just want this vote to work in my favor and be Kalle. I hope there are no hard feelings after this game. I just want to get to know everyone during all this covid madness and have some fun. 🌈