#i legit can’t tell if she’s bi or is only ever drunk when she says the most eyebrow raising shit i’ve ever heard from a straight girl 😭

[thatone-churro]

i still think about when i showed my (questionably) straight sister a photo of liv for the first time and she literally went “oh my god. oh my god wait i so get it.”

it’s just so fucking funny to me. shoutout to liv kettle i guess for being my straight (?) sister’s only drunk girl crush 😭

[thefanficmonster]

Matured

Corpse Husband & Little Sister Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Sibling Fluff, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Corpse’s search for a roommate ends shortly after his little sister calls him, telling him she’s moving out of her high school dorm in the suburbs following her graduation to attend college in San Francisco.

Requested by @bugger2002  Hi darling! Thank you so much for this adorable request, I had such a fun time turning it into a fic! Sorry it has taken me so long to complete it but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

Alright, it’s been a month since Y/N announced she’d be moving in with me - no, she didn’t ask if she could nor if I’d want her to, she straight up casually informed me she’d be moving in with me since she’s starting college. I’m lucky she even thought to tell me, knowing her it wouldn’t have been so strange for her to just show up on my doorstep with a grin like “Alright, I live here now.” Having a six years younger sister who can act both younger and older than me - sometimes both at the same time - is a bit complex. Obviously, my protective and nurturing brotherly instinct kicks in whenever she complains to me about something, but seconds later she tells me she’s taken care of it already and I feel like a fool for overreacting even if it was only internal. She’s calm and rational when she needs to be and a reckless airhead whose only goal is to have fun when she wants to be.

And judging by her and her friends’ main methods of obtaining said fun I can see how much alike we are: playing drunk video games, drunk darts, drunk pool. You see, there’s a lot of drinking involved and that’s something I’m greatly unhappy with and have scolded her on countless times just to get a fake promise, probably with fingers crossed behind her back - that she’ll cut down the alcohol. Not to mention she’s not even old enough to drink so I’ve been very insistent on her cutting her bad habit. She’s tried calling me hypocritical at times but she can’t do so rightfully since I’m, you know, of drinking age. So she’s basically bound by law to follow my advice and orders.

At least now that she’ll be staying with me I’ll be able to keep a better eye on her. A rascal high school student will either mature-up in college or go even more downhill. I aim to make her fall in the first category, but I’m making no promises - she’s very unruly, just like me. Damn, never did I think my own traits would come hitting me in the back of the head like a boomerang but here we are.

Regardless of all the crap I’ve just spewed about her, she’s a wonderful girl. She’s always been my pillar of support and never gets tired of it. She never misses a call of mine and has never not replied to a message of mine, no matter how drunk she’s been. She’s never skipped a Saturday night Skype call, no matter how busy she’s been. She’s never let herself forget she has a brother who often times needs her by his side.

Once she even talked one of her friends who has a car and a driver’s license drive her all the way to my apartment complex when I was having a really bad anxiety attack and legit couldn’t talk on the phone. She went door to door to find which apartment I live in and stayed with me the whole weekend she was supposed to spend at a music festival or something. It’s not wonder she’ll be a med student - she’s always wanted to be a nurse and has practically been my personal nurse since she was twelve. She maybe wasn’t always physically present to help me, but she’s a great instruction giver for when I need her and she’s unable to come to my aid.

Well now, we’ll both be there to aid one another.

“BEEP BEEP FUCKER!“

I nearly flip off my chair at the distinct yelling coming from directly below my window. I’d recognize that voice anywhere, and it’d always bring a smile to my face without fail.

I rush to get up from my desk chair and open the window but when I do so, she’s no longer on the sidewalk. There’s only a car I recognize to be the one of the friend that drove her here during that nightmarish episode I explained earlier.

Before I can ever back away from the window, I hear my front door swing open and a yell echo from down the hall, “Corpse! How many times do I need to tell you to lock your door, damn it!”

“The same amount of times I’ve had to tell you to cut down on the al- WHOA!“ She doesn’t let me finish the sentence and jumps me the second I step out in the hallway.

“Missed you, stupid!“ She says, her legs wrapped around my waist as she ruffles my hair, “I’ll trim your hair later. Why have you let it get so long?“ She questions, furrowing her brows at me while running both her hands through my mess of a hair - she has a point, I’ve let it get out of control. While doing so, she seems to get an idea all of a sudden so she quickly climbs down, reminding me of the huge height difference we have now that her feet are on the floor. “I know you two have met before, but I think you need to re-meet...“ she says, turning to look at her friend who’s smiling timidly at her. She sends the flustered girl a wink before turning back to look at me, “Corpse, I’d like you to meet Abbey, my girlfriend“ she says proudly, skipping over to the blue haired girl and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Y/N pushes up on her tiptoes and places a kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek. It’s adorable to see her shorter than yet another person she clearly adores to annoy.

I smile at the two girls, holding back a chuckle as to not embarrass Abbey more, “Well then, nice to meet you Abbey. You should know you are one strong soul to be putting up with all that.“ I purposely don’t look at Y/N as I motion towards her, earning me a pissed off “Hey!“ as a response to my remark, “Stick around for dinner, don’t worry neither of us will be cooking.“ I point at myself and then at Y/N as if to reassure her she won’t be a victim of food poisoning.

“Actually...“ Abbey says, tilting her head to look my shortie sister in the eyes as if taunting her to say something.

She finally caves, raising her left hand as though she’s volunteering, “Ugh fine, I may or may not have taken a cooking course and may or may not know how to cook a decent meal. It’s whatever, really.”

To say I’m impressed would be an understatement. I’m impressed, shocked, surprised and flooded with joy that my sister has finally decided to start maturing. “Cooking course, huh? When did you decide living off of takeout isn’t a nice way to live?”

She rolls her eyes at me, “Oh no I still go full weeks with only takeout and cereal, I just needed a distraction because...well...” she trails off, her gaze dropping awkwardly as she fishes for words or perhaps already has them found but doesn’t want to spit them out.

Abbey huffs, taking Y/N’s hand and lifting it to show off her wrist where I catch sight of a batch of colorful handmade bracelets, “Because these aren’t gonna earn themselves.”

I raise an eyebrow, puzzled as to what exactly she’s referring to.

Y/N sighs, taking one of the bracelets, playing with it nervously, “I have one for every month I’ve spent without getting drunk - Abbey made them for me. I need a distraction to stay sober so...I took up cooking.“

I can’t remember a moment I haven’t felt proud of my sister. Y/N’s always been on top of her shit, drunk or sober she knows what she’s doing. She’s mindful even when she’s reckless, thinks soberly even when she’s been drinking heavily. She’s always proved herself to me and to the people who think of her as a lowlife without even trying. She lets the world breeze by her without thinking too much of it and yet she still mesmerizes me and many of the people she meets - Abbey has now officially joined the club.

But, all things said and considered, I think I’ve never felt as proud of her as I do right now, seeing those six bracelets on her wrist - half a year without getting drunk. I know she wouldn’t lie to Abbey, she rarely lies to me too, so those bracelets have been earned and well-deserved and that makes me feel like the Y/N I remember is not the one standing in front of me right now. That silly girl is still in the suburbs, making a shitty-ass choice of messing up her liver. A grown woman, a responsible adult has taken her place though, and I couldn’t be more glad.

“Y/N...“ I finally manage to utter her name, making her gaze meet mine, “I’m so fucking proud of you.“

A smile slowly stretches the corners of her mouth upwards, her eyes shning in a way that has nothing to do with the lighting in this hallway. She’s not a crier though, I know those tears are gonna stay right there, stubbornly refusing to escape her eyes, “Thanks, Corpse. I’m proud of you too....” she says, nodding her head slowly, “I can overlook the untrimmed hair.”

Sigh

Y/N will always be Y/N no matter what I guess. That’s a good thing - I love her just the way she is.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse  @sunnyrae-cessh  @ladykxxx08  @meowiemari  @renupf  @booklover76  @sra-verissimo

[palimpsessed]

The Welsh Red Dragon, Kurt Vonnegut, and Social Activism

The inspiration behind Shepard’s pins

(original post with full artwork here.)

So, I spent A LOT of time thinking about the kind of pins our good friend Shepard (from Omaha, NE) would have on his denim jacket. Like a lot. Like an obsessive amount of time. I made a list, which seemed appropriate for this fandom. And because I’m a nerd and this sort of thing really interests me, and I’m proud of what I came up with, and because I think some of these items open up the possibility for some good, good literary analysis, I decided to make a whole post dedicated to Shepard’s pins. You’re welcome.

First, a little bit about my thought process. How did I decide what kind of pins to give Shepard? Well, he’s a guy full of stories. Stories that he can’t wait to tell anyone and everyone. And stories that others (mostly Maybes) have told him, once he’s earned their confidence. So, I wanted his pins to tell a story, his story in particular. What is the story that Shepard wants to tell about himself? More precisely, what is the story he wants to tell his new magickal friends on a disastrous summer holiday? The story is that of his own magickal credibility. His journey to magic (his come to Crowley moment, perhaps?) (I’d apologize, but I’m not sorry…) and his trustworthiness as evidenced by all of the Maybes he’s met along the way. He’s gotten drunk off dandelion wine with a creek dryad, given a toothbrush to a Sasquatch. spilled the tea with a jackalope, midwifed a centaur foal. Shep’s journey is just as impressive as Simon’s, and while Simon has been collecting notches on his dead dark creature bedpost (that’s a weird fucking metaphor…) (and now I’m thinking about dark creatures and Simon’s bedposts…so, you’re welcome, Basilton), Shep’s been collecting notches of the friendly variety. (Shoutout to @adamarks who did some super lovely analysis on Simon and Shep as mirrors here: https://adamarks.tumblr.com/post/188046272067/ok-so-when-shepard-said-he-was-cursed-the-first). So, I decided that I wanted to use Shep’s pins as a way to show the notches on his bedpost, so to speak. (Okay, I’m really losing this metaphor, but I think you’re still with me.)

Let’s dive in!

(I’m working my way down one side of his jacket at a time, for those following along at home.)

RIGHT SIDE

Welsh Dragon: I made this one very large, and easy to spot on his right shoulder. Of all of his accoutrements, this one felt like the most important. Mainly, because of Simon. Simon is, after all, half-Welsh. (The Mage, may he rest in pain, came to Watford from Wales.) And, of course, Simon, just like the Welsh Dragon, is a red dragon. (Or in the process of becoming one? Or a half-dragon? Or a dragon kitten?…) And the dragon that Simon and Baz fought on the Watford lawn, when they first worked together, and first shared magic, was a red dragon. Of course, the actual dragon in question here is Margaret. Shepard would absolutely have a pin to commemorate his friendship with her. And since I was going to give him a pin with a dragon, I knew I was going to have to use the Welsh Dragon because it would perfectly capture his burgeoning friendship with Simon, as well. Now, I want to go on a slight detour here (this blog post will be its own Odyssey) and talk more about the Welsh Red Dragon. I took the design for the pin from the Welsh flag, which is the thing that first made me think more about Simon’s Welsh connection. I’m not really making a point here, I just think it’s fascinating! There’s a lot of Welsh lore about the Red Dragon (and Margaret herself calls Simon “Great Red” - that ‘R’ is capitalized, by the way, so this seems to be a proper name for the kind of dragon that she thinks Simon is). Full disclosure, I am not Welsh and I am not a scholar on any of this by any means. That being said, a cursory, and super academic, perusal of the Wikipedia article on the Welsh Dragon led me to a few different history websites that linked the symbol of the red dragon with Merlin and King Arthur (son of Uther Pendragon, literally dragon head). Merlin, one of the most well-known magical figures and Arthur, one of the most well-known Chosen One figures in literary tradition. I know very little about Arthurian legend, and Welsh history, and dragon lore, though, so I’m going to just say, do a little research on your own when you’re bored and feeling nerdy!

Resist!: Shep is a young black man (and reasonable human being) living in the U.S. during the [redacted] Administration. I should hope this one is self-explanatory.

Hoover Dam: At some point in his visits to see Blue, I’m sure Shepard stopped off at the gift shop and bought himself a souvenir pin to mark the incredible experience he had making friends with an actual river. (This pin design is based on an actual souvenir pin of the Hoover Dam I found on Google Images—along with most of the other pin designs. I think it’s vintage, which just felt even more like Shepard to me, because he’s the kind of guy who would appreciate stuff that’s got a past.)

Deathly Hallows: I mean, IF the Harry Potter books/movies exist in the Simon Snow universe (which hasn’t been confirmed, as far as I know, by our Queen) I’m sure Shepard would have been totally into it as a kid, and probably would have found greater significance in its magical lore once he discovered that ACTUAL MAGIC EXISTS! So, he would have a pin to show his belief in the magickal world, and maybe also as a nostalgic reminder of when magic was still just something fictional he could turn to for escapism (and not something that would result in being cursed by a demon…).

The Truth is Out There: So, I know virtually nothing about The X-Files (my sister was obsessed with it to the point that she wanted to become a FBI agent for a few years, but I never watched it), but I’m sure Shepard is a fan. If nothing else, the sentiment is awfully apropos.

So It Goes: This one is very hard to see. It sort of looks like a black teardrop with a bar on top of it (it’s supposed to look like a bomb). The pin I based this off of reads “So It Goes”, which from my very superficial research, is a line repeated in Vonnegut’s anti-war novel Slaughterhouse-Five every time someone dies. I don’t know anything more about it, other than that it is a Kurt Vonnegut-inspired pin available for purchase on Etsy, and Shep mentions that he wanted to get a Vonnegut quote tattoo, even though “everybody has those.”

Green Alien Head: You will never be able to convince me that Shepard does not 10,000% believe in the existence of aliens. If he were still in the U.S. during the Area 51 Raid, I’m sure he would have stopped by, just, you know, for science…(I’m thinking he was probably still in the UK, but I guess we’ll see in AWTWB.)

Centaur: This one is also hard to see, but I took the design from a pin I found of one of the centaurs (the blue-haired, blue-bodied one, if that rings a bell for you) from Disney’s Fantasia. (Fun fact: I was super into Fantasia as a littlun, and I attribute my lifelong love for classical music in large part to the centaur sequence and my latent lesbianism—I mean, it was ludicrously erotic. Watch it sometime and tell me it would not make an impression on a sapphic three-year-old.) Midwifing a centaur foal was probably a very emotional and formative experience for Shepard. Buying this pin would be his way of remembering that experience, and the excitement and gratitude he likely felt to have been entrusted with that kind of acceptance from the centaur(s).

Jackalope: It doesn’t help that this pin is almost the same color as Shepard’s jacket, but it’s based off a design of a jackalope’s head that, again, I found on Google Image search (honestly, I don’t know how I ever made art without it). We know that Shepard once got some gossip from a jackalope, who vented to him about magicians calling “themselves ‘magicians’”, like “they’re the only ones with magic”. (This is totally irrelevant, but I always think of Americans when I read this. I am an American, by the way. America is a continent, but those of us living in the U.S. calls ourselves Americans, like everyone else living in America doesn’t matter.) Anyway, the jackalope offered Shepard some valuable insight into the political workings of the magickal world, so it gets its own pin.

LEFT SIDE

Pansexual Pride Flag Pin: I mean, technically, canonically, we don’t know what Shepard’s sexuality (or asexuality) is, but I just get some vibes from him. Plus, if we take him as a mirror for Simon (who is somewhere on the bi-plus spectrum), it’s not a far cry to imagine he also identifies somewhere on that spectrum.

Pentagram: This is another symbol that I chose based on my interpretation of Shepard’s character, and not so much on a Maybe or a story that he mentioned. The pentagram, or pentacle, is typically associated with the occult and witchcraft, which is something that could potentially also be said of Shep.

Sasquatch: You don’t go backpacking—or not backpacking—and introduce a Sasquatch to the benefits of dental hygiene without getting yourself a souvenir of the hike.

I [heart] Mystery Spot: The Mystery Spot is a weird sort of phenomenon in California (my home state). It’s a place outside the beach town of Santa Cruz that boasts of a “gravitational anomaly” on its website. I went once, years ago, and while you’re there, it can feel pretty convincing. (Also, I was probably like 10, so…) People outside of California will likely never have heard of this place, but driving around here (at least in the Bay Area, where I am, which isn’t that far from Santa Cruz) you’ll see yellow Mystery Spot bumper stickers on cars everywhere. I’m not really sure what the thing is with the bumper stickers. Like, I’m sure not that many people actually think it’s legit, and maybe it’s like one of those things that Californians just do (like freak out and forget how to drive when we feel water falling from the sky). But yeah, these bumper stickers are everywhere. Anyway, Shepard drives around a lot. He knows about the Vampires of Las Vegas (how is that not an indie rock band?) and the Katherine Hotel, and the Next Blood. So, he’s probably made it past Nevada and into California before. And while he was there, it’s not a great stretch of the imagination that someone who chases after magic wouldn’t wind up at a place called the Mystery Spot and get himself a pin while he was there. (And maybe even a bumper sticker.)

Black Power Fist: Unfortunately, this one is also hard to see, because the fist is black and I didn’t have anything to go over the outlines of the fingers with, which I sort of didn’t think about when I colored it. This one also feels self-explanatory. Shepard is black. Blackness has long been treated in itself as a crime by non-black members of law enforcement, and just the general racist population of the U.S. Young black men are especially vulnerable to racially motivated violence. I’m sure Shep, who drives all over the country by himself and gets into high speed chases at night in the middle of nowhere Nebraska while hunting super shifty rando Maybes has had a run-in or two. Stay safe, Shep!

Every Pronoun Belongs Here [Trans Pride Flag background]: Also, super hard to see because the letters are too small to read. I found this exact pin in a basket by the register at my local bookshop. (Support local bookshops, people!) They were being sold as a fundraiser for a LGBTQ club at one of the high schools, and I loved the idea that I could help them raise money and add this pin to my own growing collection to show off my support for trans rights. (Support trans rights and trans people, people!) I decided to give Shepard this same pin, because I could imagine him having an almost identical book buying experience in a dozen other towns that he’s probably visited. And I love the simplicity of the message, because it’s one of belonging, which EVERYONE is desperately seeking, no matter who they are or how they identify, and Shepard, and every character in this picture, is no exception. (Plus, it seemed like a cool way to connect my pin collection with Shep’s. Maybe I should have mentioned the fact that I’m also a pin person at the beginning? I walk to work and on my lunch breaks, so I carry all of my stuff in a backpack. And I proudly display my random pin collection on my backpack. Including several Simon Snow-related pins.)

Don’t Panic: This was based off a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy pin. I don’t really know anything about the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (including if it’s okay to abbreviate it as HGG? THGTTG? whatever), even though I did watch the movie years back when it was on TV and I still lived with my parents who had a TV. But the sentiment felt appropriate, and Shepard is a sort of magickal hitchhiker. Apart from managing to hold down a job at Dick Blick, he appears to lead a somewhat nomadic lifestyle. He tells Penny, “the road is my teacher”, and if that’s not a hitchhiker slogan, I don’t know what is. (Ass, gas, or grass?)

Black Lives Matter: They do. Just sayin’.

Magic Troll Doll: When I was growing up, the Troll doll was all the (nightmare-inducing) rage. Trolls are one of those magickal creatures that are continually mentioned in the series. Shepard talks about lonely trolls under bridges. Simon talks about killing trolls. Agatha would rather kiss a troll. And Baz was kidnapped by numpties, who are sort of like trolls. I couldn’t not include a troll. And the Troll doll specifically felt perfect, because the full name was Magic Troll Doll. You can bet if Shepard had to pick a troll-related pin, it would be a magic(k)al one.

[Asshole]: This is another Kurt Vonnegut pin. It looks like a messily drawn asterisk (*), but it’s actually meant to be an asshole (taken from the preface of Vonnegut’s novel Breakfast of Champions, and drawn by Vonnegut himself). I just thought, why the fuck not? So, here. Have an asshole pin. (I should have put it on a buttonhole…)

HONOURABLE MENTION

Shepard’s Phone Case: Remember that line I quoted earlier, about Shep wanting to get a Vonnegut quote tattoo? Well, when I was trying to figure out what to put on his phone case, I thought that seemed like a reasonable place to start. So, I googled Vonnegut quotes, to see if I could find one that I thought Shepard would like. Here’s the quote: “a purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.” I just loved that for Shepard.

[maddie-grove]

Bi-Monthly Reading Round-Up (November/December)

Playlist

“Fallin’ for You” by Sheila Nicholls (The Perilous Gard)

“Come on Over to My Place” by the Drifters (A Gentleman Never Keeps Score)

“Bobby Jean” by Bruce Springsteen (Eleanor and Park)

“Seasons in the Sun” by Terry Jacks (One Perfect Rose)

“A Sailor’s Prayer” by Ann Price and Marilyn Maltzer (Broken Wing)

“Winter Lady” by Leonard Cohen (When a Duchess Says I Do)

“Dance Music” by the Mountain Goats (What Hearts)*

“Sweet Talkin’ Guy” by the Chiffons (Jean and Johnny)

“Know Your Onion!” by the Shins (Lost at Sea)

“The Snake and the Bookworm” by Cliff Richard (Tempting the Bride)

“Everybody Loves Me but You” by Brenda Lee (Someone to Remember)

*I also seriously considered both “I’ll Meet You Halfway” by the Partridge Family and “Sports Analogies” from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. It’s a complex book!

Best of the Bi-Month

The Perilous Gard by Elizabeth Marie Pope (1974): In the late 1550s, grave, awkward Kate Sutton is banished to a remote castle in the east of England. She’s greeted by superstitious locals, shady servants, an often-absent lord, and the lord’s guilt-ridden (and hot) younger brother. Bored and irritated by all the drama, Kate questions the circumstances of the tragedy that haunts the family. I didn’t have high expectations for this book, which I bought primarily for the gorgeous Richard Cuffari illustrations, but I was blown away. Pope creates a sublimely uncanny setting in a surprising way, and Kate is a wonderful protagonist: principled, rational, and compassionate beneath her no-nonsense exterior.

Worst of the Bi-Month

Someone to Remember by Mary Balogh (2019): In her youth, Lady Matilda Westcott rejected Charles Sawyer’s proposal at the urging of her parents, who thought him too wild. Now she’s fifty-six, loved by her extended family but stuck caring for an unappreciative elderly mother. The marriage of her niece and Charles’s estranged illegitimate son brings them together again, but she never expects anything to come of it...like a total fool. This is a cute novella with compelling family dynamics. I also appreciated the solidly middle-aged protagonists, although Balogh presents them a little too timidly, like a mom trying to get a picky eight-year-old to try asparagus.

Rest of the Bi-Month

A Gentleman Never Keeps Score by Cat Sebastian (2018): Once-popular Hartley Sedgwick is languishing in the huge townhouse his godfather left him, shunned by nearly everyone for his sexuality. Then Sam Fox, a black pugilist-turned-tavern-keeper, tries to sneak into the house to find a nude portrait of an embarrassed friend. Moved by Sam’s decency, Hartley offers his assistance in finding the portrait. As I explained in my post about my favorite Regency romance novels, I adore this book for the way Hartley and Sam’s love story is mirrored and enhanced by portrayals of many other kinds of love, between brothers and friends and parents and children and neighbors and also one very homely dog. 

Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell (2012): Park, a geeky half-Korean teenager in 1986, keeps his head down and barley avoids outright ostracism in his poor, mostly white Omaha neighborhood. Eleanor, the weird white girl who shares his bus seat, is tormented at school and at home. They have no interest in being friends, but they slowly bond and fall in love over music and comics. What I liked most about this bittersweet YA novel was the ways in which the protagonists improved each other’s lives. With Park and his loving family, Eleanor gets to let down her defenses, while Eleanor’s boldness inspires Park to embrace his differences. I do wish that Park’s side of things had been developed more, however.

One Perfect Rose by Mary Jo Putney (1997): Upon learning that he’s terminally ill, Stephen, the Duke of Ashburton, freaks out and goes on an incognito tour of the English countryside without telling his family. He ends up joining an acting troupe run by the boisterous Fitzgerald family and falling in love with their adopted daughter/stage manager, Rosalind, despite the many reasons they have no future together. (Or do they?) This is a good, old-fashioned weepy romance that’s elevated by Putney’s serious attention to the theme of reconciling with one’s mortality. There’s also some extremely late-1990s New-Age-ish stuff going on, which sometimes felt a little silly but was still charming.

Broken Wing by Judith James (2008): When unconventional countess Sarah finds her long-lost little brother at a Parisian brothel, she’s overjoyed, appalled, and relieved that he was protected by sex worker Gabriel St. Croix. Grateful, she offers Gabriel a reward and insists he come to live with her and her family. This is another tear-jerking, charmingly dated romance; I felt like a teenager again, reading top-shelf angsty fanfiction. It’s best in the slow-burn first half, during which Gabriel must adjust to a massive reversal of fortune after a lifetime of trauma. The more action-packed second half makes great use of the unusual late 1790s/early 1800s setting, but it does feel hurried.

When a Duchess Says I Do by Grace Burrowes (2019): Widowed Matilda Wakefield, the Duchess of Bosendorf, has been on the run since getting mixed up in her diplomat dad’s clandestine activities. An encounter with scholarly Duncan Wentworth lands her a live-in secretarial position at his rural estate. They connect with each other, but how can love grow when they’re the object of multiple sinister plots? While this entry in the Wentworth series is not as incandescently lovely as My One and Only Duke, I’m still a sucker for spooky country houses, responsible-household-management plots, and sad early-middle-aged heroes. Burrowes is also an excellent writer, and I’m glad that I discovered her.

What Hearts by Bruce Brooks (1992): Sensitive Asa excels at school but struggles at home, thanks to his mother’s severe mental illness and his stepfather Dave’s emotional abuse. Divided into four novella-like sections, the novel follows Asa from his parents’ divorce in first grade to his first love in seventh. I liked parts of this weird, sober book when I read it as a kid, and I felt the same this time. It’s got brilliant moments, most involving Asa and Dave’s relationship, but there’s a lot of telling-not-showing in between. Brooks also can’t seem to decide on the time period; it’s probably supposed to be set 1965-1971, but it always feels like 1963, and you can only blame so much of that on the North Carolina setting.

Jean and Johnny by Beverly Cleary (1959): Short, bespectacled, and working-class, fifteen-year-old Jean feels invisible at her high school until handsome upperclassman Johnny Chessler starts paying attention to her. She’s thrilled, but her parents and sister warn against chasing him. I didn’t like this book much in middle school, but I revisited it because it occurred to me that Jean was a lesbian. Having reread it, I know I was wrong on two counts: Jean is unfortunately not a lesbian (she clearly thinks Johnny’s hot), and the book’s not that depressing. Jean’s no sad sack who’s doomed to a life of grimly chaste square dancing; she’s a legit snack who becomes increasingly self-assured and assertive. 

Lost at Sea by Bryan Lee O’Malley (2003): Raleigh, a Canadian eighteen-year-old, hitches a ride back home from California with some classmates she hardly knows after a meeting with her long-distance boyfriend ends in heartbreak. Lonely and a little disconnected from reality--she maintains the belief that her mom somehow sold her soul, which now resides in a stray cat--Raleigh slowly makes friends with her travelling companions and finds some piece of mind. Although nothing much happens in this short graphic novel, it’s one of the most authentically just-graduated-high-school stories I’ve ever read. I could relate to those feelings of fear and disappointment even in the face of exciting new possibilities.

Tempting the Bride by Sherry Thomas (2012): David Hillsborough, Lord Hastings, has desired Helena Fitzhugh, first-wave feminist and successful fiction editor, since they were kids together, but he’s always hidden behind insulting remarks. When Helena’s affair with a married man ends in scandal, though, she unhappily accepts David’s offer of marriage in order to cover it up. Then she gets hit by a carriage and loses every memory she formed after her mid-teens, which happens to be when she met David. Thomas always has an engaging style and deals with even outlandish plots in a sophisticated way, and her take on the 13 Going on 30 plot is enjoyable. However, it is rushed at the end.

[swannsjack]

Oh my god, can you people stop making things up and distorting facts about the Johnny Depp vs Amber thing just so that you can keep defending her??

(I’m pretty sure this will not reach anyone who actually needs it, but I’m still doing this) 

People are so allergic to admitting they’re wrong, or at least giving someone the benefit of the doubt, that y’all making up absolute bs. Calling Depp racist, misoginistic, homo/bi-phobic, and worst of all a p*dophile.

There’s literally zero evidence backing up any of it and if you fell for that, I feel sorry for you. This is all bs made up by Heard stans to make him look bad in front of people who know nothing about him. And for some people literally all it takes is when someone says something and they’re like “really?” “YES, i have no evidence to support this except for my nonsense hate and me being an awful human for making sh*t up, but IT’S TOTALLY TRUE”. and people just believe it. it’s ridiculous.

I’m not saying he’s perfect, but he’s never been any of the aforementioned things. I’m not even going to touch much on the p*dophile thing because that was made up by a Trump stan and JD hates Trump and they’re so pressed about it they have to make disgusting things like that up, and now people who were shocked by his evidence proving they were slandering him for no reason, repeat it just so that they don’t have to admit they were wrong.

No woman, except for Heard and her hoax-assisting friends, have ever said a bad word about Depp. Quite the opposite, everyone’s who met him say he’s a gentleman, kind, caring. Saying things like “there’s no one else like him” and claiming “he doesn’t belong in show business, he belongs somewhere better” -  by Sarah Jessica Parker. His first wife is not only still in contact with him, but even spoke against Heard and said Johnny never even raised a voice at her. Vanessa Paradis wrote a hand-written note defending him. So many women spoke in defense of him. 

Some people are even lying and saying he has been accused by his previous gf of abuse. HE HAS NOT. No one had ever accused him of that and no one came out during the last three years saying “oh yeah he abused me, too” they DEFENDED HIM. Please, if you someone tried to convince you that he had been accused, do not believe it, do your own research, you’ll see it that it’s not true and people are just making up rumours to support their “Heard is a victim” story.

Or her stans saying he abused her because she’s bisexual is like?? There is literally nothing to back it up. He’s never said a bad word about other sexualities. He made a decision that Jack Sparrow is bisexual. His very own daughter is not straight and have you seen how proud he is of her? He supports her and adores her with every ounce of his being. Stop turning him into something he’s not.

"If there's any message to my work, it is ultimately that it's okay to be different, that it's good to be different, that we should question ourselves before we pass judgement on someone who looks different, behaves different, talks different, is a different color."  - Johnny Depp, y’all

But guess who was arrested for abusing her FEMALE partner? Amber Heard.

Guess who accused the gay FEMALE cop that arrested her of being misoginistic? Amber Heard.

And guess who accused the same GAY female cop that arrested her of being homophobic? Amber Heard.

And guess who made a racist tweet? AMBER HEARD.

Isn’t it funny how Heard stans are accusing Depp of everything that can be said of and proven Amber Heard is??

Now for the distorting of facts:

I’ve seen a few posts/tweets being like “ya’ll jumped at some UNsourced info” blah blah. IT IS NOT UNSOURCED. They’re legit lawsuit with clerk stamps on them. And Johnny and his lawyer have referenced them!! Johnny literally said “which is why I’m suing...” and there’s been a recent statement reacting to people’s support how he’s determined more than ever to fight for justice and he WANTS his day in court to prove all that he’s saying is true. And his lawyer has been giving statements to the press for almost a year now. All of this is legit info from legit court documents. Just because you’re too lazy to look for the actual link for the whole document, that doesn’t make them false. It’s like you people think a Depp fan wrote two fake 40 page lawsuits, are you really that pathetic to suggest something like that? Waldman, his lawyer, has confirmed what the lawsuit says, it’s not just screenshot from some “unsourced” lawsuit, he repeated what the lawsuit says: 87 surveillance videos, litany of neutral witnesses, including the police, photographic evidence, audio, and sworn testimonies, as well as Heard’s admission.

And furthermore, people saying just because the lawsuit claims she confessed, doesn’t mean it’s true. Well, okay. However, she has not denied the claims. Read through her statements reacting to the lawsuits, she or her lawyer/publicist or whatever, have responded several times. But never with “I deny this”. It’s always something to make Johnny look bad. “that’s mental abuse” “he’s hell-bent on self-destruction” “ms heard won’t be silenced” “frivolous lawsuit” “just read his latest interview to see he’s delusional” blah blah blah. 

None of that includes any denial whatsoever. And some people are saying “well, so she was just defending herself!!” yeah? so why hasn’t she said that either?? Instead of accusing Depp of mental abuse, she could just say “I confessed to ‘attacks’ that were pure self-defense.” That’s literally all she’d have to say. She hasn’t. The first “she admitted” claims came out several months ago last year (y’all just noticed only this week for some reason). And in all those months, she has not denied anything. Whereas Johnny has ALWAYS maintained he didn’t abuse her, he’s always denied it. Why hasn’t she?

My second point is people saying he’s still an asshole even if he was a victim, because *references some out of context bs* blah blah, I’ve been over a part of this at the beginning. Yes, he was arrested in the past, for trashing a hotel room (no violence on people) with his then gf Kate Moss, and for chasing away paparazzi after politely asking them to leave him and his family alone. They didn’t, so he PROTECTED his family. Trying to distort that to make him sound abusive is gross. And lastly, stop using the “he punched a guy on a movie set” allegation. First of all, the guy literally ditched court, I wonder why. Secondly, multiple people have come out saying Johnny was neither drunk, nor did he punch the guy. A script supervisor even said they have time-stamped photos to prove he didn’t. However, I would not blame him if he did because HE WAS DEFENDING A HOMELESS AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMAN. That’s right, the accuser was being RACIST. And according to witnesses:

Danoff says they were shooting outside and Brooks (the accuser) berated an African-American homeless woman with "racial and derogatory slurs" because she was in his way. Depp was sitting next to her about 25 feet away when it happened.

"He immediately stood up from our shared seat on the edge of a planter bench and went over to Brooks to stand up for the woman," Danoff says. "Mr. Depp said to Mr. Brooks, 'You can’t talk to her like that. You think she is something less than you? Who do you think you are? How dare you?'"

What an as*hole Depp is, right?

And stop using his addiction struggles to say that proves he’s abusive or that it means he deserved the abuse. Addiction is an illness and it’s disgusting to use it against him, when he’s been so opened and honest about it his entire life /but guess who’s pretending to be perfect even though she’s in fact known to be a drug addict but she pretends she’s not, at least JD’s open about it. He’s always been an honest guy. He is not a liar/. I beg you, watch this video “I was trying to calm the brain. I was trying to feel better.” and tell me, how can you use it against him?? And note, that this was two months before Heard’s accusation, a year into their marriage, look at his appearance. He was being abused. 

He was also abused as kid, by the way. If you didn’t know.

And what’s also annoying is “none of that proves his innocence, they were both abusive then” GO AWAY WITH THIS NONSENSE. She’s been openly mocking him for almost three years now.

1) Guess who starred in a pirate film. 2) Guess who played the Mad hatter in Alice in Wonderland? Oh yeah, that would be her former “abusive” husband. 3) And the last photo is literally so disgusting. Johnny changed the tattoo with her nickname that he had on his fingers (and he wears a lot of rings on his fingers) and this human garbage posted a picture of herself with fist punching, fingers full of rings and the caption #NoInkNeeded. She is a garbage, openly mocking her victim. 

And she RECENTLY posted several photos of herself that were taken while she was with Depp (x, x - both taken years ago by Johnny’s friend Greg Williams) One on the roof of the building they lived in together where she was allegedly being violently abused. Oh the nostalgia, am I right? Her friend literally commented they miss it. WTF? They miss the place their friend was “abused” in? Oh and guess who demanded the three of their formerly shared condos in that building? Our perfect angel “abuse victim” miss Heard. I’m sure it’s very normal for an abuse victim to want to keep the place in which they were abused. Johnny Depp is the weird one for selling it and wanting no memories of it.

Stop the mental gymnastics to defend Heard and paint Depp as the worst human ever.

[eddiediazofficial]

my two cents

on Dean Winchester putting the Bi in Bitch

For one, I have to say that I compare him and Isak from SKAM in one way: the fact that Isak pretended to be straight and had no trouble flirting with girls because (as a Gay) they had no effect on him sexually. It wasn’t until Even that Isak was seriously freaked. Dean is the same way---he has absolutely no trouble with women, and I can’t name a single time he’s been shook except maybe when Pamela kissed him in Heaven lol We all were shook tbh ANYWAY it’s generally men that give him the Shakes

Because of overwhelming evidence, a lot of fans think (for good reason) that he is bisexual, woven into the story (specifically his arc) since season 1.

He’s going to be 40 in a couple years and has yet to admit anything about his sexuality, in a single word or phrase.

Has absolutely zero trouble sleeping with and flirting with women, and becomes visibly flustered only when around a dominant and/or good-looking male, maybe someone he’s got a connection to.

Gunner Lawless, his childhood wrestling hero. Dean has palpitations and holds Gunner’s hand way too long when they meet, his first B&E was because he broke into someone’s house to see a Lawless match ffs; he freaks out like a kid when he thinks he’ll get Gunner’s glove; and when Gunner is thrown to the floor beside Dean, he winks up at Dean and Dean dead ass looks AROUSED for a hot second. ? honestly same

Aaron Bass, a gay man who flirted with him and caused Dean to stumble backward over a chair leg. DEAN WINCHESTER, tripping. He was fine acting his FBI role UNTIL the SECOND Aaron insinuated they had a “connection,” after which he became tongue-tied. A good looking guy like Dean hasn’t been hit on by every gender before, enough to be chill and shrug it off? Get real. His excuse for not taking Aaron up on his ‘offer’ was: “It’s just a—you know... a federal thing.” His reason wasn’t even a legit, valid reason, i.m.o; it was just him (awkwardly) stumbling for an excuse in the moment rather than the obvious “I’m straight, but thanks.” Later refers to Aaron as his ‘gay thing’ to Sam when it’s revealed that Aaron wasn’t actually flirting with Dean.

The Siren, who disguised himself as another FBI agent. I just have to point out that the Siren didn’t know that Dean would offer him his flask in the car. If his persuasion is spread through saliva, how the fuck heck was he supposed to infect Dean if not through a flask they share?? I WONDER. ‘Brother figure’ my ass. Dean is broken, okay, after being raised by John Winchester’s A+ Parenting and simply can’t differentiate between familial and romantic love---unless it’s like as obvious as a literal blood relative---bc his experience of both has always been skewed and short-lived. Simple as that.

Castiel, the angel who gripped Dean tight and raised him from Perdition. I don’t even need to get into this with y’all ffs

The deputy from Yellow Fever. Dean was basically drunk from that poison and dead ass flirted with that guy. In regular old Dean language he said “You’re awesome” and when the deputy smiles and tells Dean the same, albeit a little awkward, Dean smirks like ‘HA bitch yeah I know,’ and reaches to put a hand in his pocket. Is it plausible that he was reaching for his cell phone to get the guy’s digits before Sam dragged him away and cleared his throat pointedly?? Like sorry now’s not the time for flirting, Dean??? MAYBE SO. Or he could’ve been trying to put a hand in his pocket because he would look cool, leaned on one foot and smirking. Either way: NOT STRAIGHT SITUATION. I stg just watch the scene and watch Dean’s smile; he’s… It’s a lot.

DR SEXY?? Are you actually kidding?? This brings up a great point: Dean says he doesn’t like things, only for it to turn around and make it canon fact that he DOES in fact like that thing. Dean dead ass watches a doctor show where the star is a ‘sexy’ doctor, who he knows pretty well considering a flaw in the doc’s costume was how he knew it was Gabriel messing with them—“I swore that a part of what made Doctor Sexy sexy is the fact that he wear cowboy boots.” Dean not only thinks another man is sexually attractive, but admits to CONTEMPLATING what EXACTLY makes that so. And when Sam teases him about it, Dean chocks it up to “guilty pleasure.” ?? And no chick flick moments, when Sam later says that Dean does actually love chick flicks, which Dean confirms.

Traveling to 1944, Dean sees a group of men pass by in suits. Right before this, a group of women pass going the opposite direction. Dean didn’t so much as glance at them; his eyes immediately went to stare after the men. Sure, maybe he was admiring their clothing; he does love the style of the 40s, confirmed. But let’s be honest; guys look GOOD as HELL in those suits, and Dean’s used to women in dresses. But men in slick suits and jaunty ass hats?? WHOO

Dean wore a pair of pink, satiny panties when he was 19. And he ‘kind of liked it.’

Sam teases Dean that people think they’re dating because Dean is butch, therefore possibly over-compensating for being gay which an overwhelming number of people used to and still think automatically means weakness, specifically in males. I wonder why Dean would never admit feelings for other men when raised by (again) John Winchester’s A+ Plus We Don’t Cry or Speak About Feelings Like Ever Parenting. Dean literally fakes a laugh in this scene after Sam says that btw. Don’t you think if he was completely straight he’d just tell Sam to fuck off, like siblings do? As someone with siblings, yes, I think so.

Checks out Cliff’s naked ass dick in The Curious Case of Dean Winchester; literally just walks over and lifts the blanket, despite the fact that they knew Cliff was Cliff and just mentioning his wife enough with such certainty would’ve been enough to trigger him; that guy was a terrible liar. Did Dean seriously have to do a dick birthmark check? Shut up

The scene (11x18) where Sam says something stupid Dean thinks is stupid and Dean replies with, “Yeah, well there’s times I want to get slapped during sex by a girl wearing a Zorro mask. That don't make it a good idea.” ?? Explain this

Sam turns on the radio and it’s ‘All Out of Love’; this is after they’ve lost Cas (and the Impala) in season 7. Sam apologizes, possibly because Air Supply is always joked about as the gayest band and that song as the gayest song, and he assumes Dean hates it. Maybe Sam feels bad because the first line that plays is What would you say if I called on you now, and said that I can’t hold on? There's no easy way, it gets harder each day. Who does Dean always ‘call on’? Cas. Sam goes to turn it off and Dean stops him because it’s ‘probably the only thing on,’ but as soon as Sam looks away Dean starts to sing along--he knows the song, and is obviously really into it until Sam glances his way and he stops. Yet another moment in which he pretended not to like something that he actually enjoys, a song by a notoriously ‘gay’ band that talks about feelings.

Cowboys  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the security guard in 07x20. Charlie couldn’t flirt with him because she’s gay (”not my type. not a girl”), so Dean talks her through it?? Even though that guy shouldn’t be his “type” either??