#i learnt about this subject when i got into uni

[mv1simp]

for anon’s request: How about Lewis’ Daughter!reader like innocent and protected but Max completely makes her submit to him like actual love that she thinks Lewis is the bad guy for tryna come between their relationship? (Made it Lewis’ sister!)

Gods & Monsters ♥️

Max Verstappen x Hamilton!Reader

You got that medicine I need, fame liquor love, give it to me slowly…

As Lewis Hamilton’s younger, innocent sister, you’re desperate to prove yourself as an upcoming racer. Your family never seems to take you seriously, though, and after a fall out you end up training under Max Verstappen - your brother’s arch rival. Max promises he’ll train you to become the next world champion…as long as you do everything he asks.

Content includes: 18+ MDNI, smut, innocent virgin Hamilton! Reader, dark manipulative! Max, VERY dubcon, blindfolds, size kink, somnophilia, LH44 is sexist for plot reasons, ayo this is DARK!! 😙 3.4k WC

Growing up, you and your big brother Lewis were presented with two options. Either succeed, or fail to live upto the Hamilton name. Both your parents were incredibly hardworking and sacrificing - but all their attention would always go to their firstborn, the much older, bigger and better Hamilton. You were just as good as Lewis had been when starting out, spending every weekend on the track and dominating the junior karting races - but when it came time for you to progress into formula cars, your brother and father had chuckled, patting your head and saying it might be a bit too much for you, you were a lot smaller and younger than Lewis, after all. Maybe you should just stick to karting for now, or had you considered going into car design, you got pretty good grades in uni and that’s a much safer option?

You were understandably upset at the lack of opportunity to prove your last name. So you tried to sneak onto the F1 paddock, chatting up the team principals in the hope that they would recognise you from the karting podiums and recruit you into their junior teams-

But Lewis had caught on unbelievably fast, a tight smile and redirecting hand on your back as he led you out of the McLaren garage. We discussed this, baby sis Lewis said as you walked back to the Mercedes hospitality. He was never one to raise his voice but you could tell from his tone he was disappointed. You tried to argue again, saying that it wasn’t fair, you were a good driver too, but Lewis cut you off with a stern look. It’s not safe for you. The guys who race here - they aren’t like me, lil sis. You can’t trust any of them. I’m sorry, but you should stay in karting.

You’d slumped in resignation, briefly looking into the Redbull garage as you walked past - the only team you hadn’t yet gone to talk to. And home to perhaps the only driver who could understand the pressure you felt to live upto your father’s expectation - current reigning champion, Max Verstappen. Otherwise known as the bane of your family’s existence. He’d been the one to break your big brother’s winning streak, the subject of many a heated family discussion over the dinner table about how to defeat in a race. Truly, you hadn’t seen your big brother hate someone before until the day Max had crashed into him, sending him to the hospital and your heart rate into 200bpm as you prayed for his safety. Lewis had been fine, but his winning streak had not as Max went onto P1 that race.

So you had always learnt to stay far, far away from Mad Max. But last year when you’d been having a hard time on one of your karting races, and you paced back and forth during the red flag because normally you’d ask Lewis for help but he had started coming less often these days - you were interrupted by a knock on the door. You ran to open it, thinking your brother had decided to come after all - only to crane your head up to meet the handsome face of the tall Dutch Redbull driver. You’d immediately flushed, on guard just like your family had taught you to be and asking what he was doing - but he had kindly ignored your rudeness and said he happened to be here for another friend and had seen your race, did you need some advice?

You’d been so desperate to win that you had let him in, looking around to make sure no paparazzi had seen as you were sure Lewis would ban you permanently from karting if he caught a whiff of this. To your suprise, Max was so helpful and supportive, giving you excellent pointers and aggressive strategies your brother would never dare guide you towards. You’d gone onto win P1, and after the podium had excitedly gone to find Max and thank him. Of course, schat, he’d replied easily, a handsome smile on his face, making you blush. Since then Max had always been there to guide you at your races, making you win multiple competitions to celebrate together or comfort you after a loss. Your family had no idea, of course, because they would skin both you and Max alive if they ever knew about your close friendship.

But now, things were starting to reach a boiling point as your relationship with your brother became tense as he actively tried to deter your formula career. And Max - your kind, thoughtful friend Max - had definitely noticed this. So he casually informed you that the Redbull academy was recruiting, and personally drove you the trials the next week, and welcomed your excited hug into his broad arms afterwards as you sailed into P1 and were offered an immediate spot on the Redbull F2 team, so grateful that the older, experienced driver had taken such a genuine interest in your racing, unlike your own family.

When you tried to break the good news to your family, shit had obviously hit the fan and they demanded that you decline the position. It’s not that I’m not proud of you baby sis, Lewis had sighed. It’s that you cannot trust Max Verstappen, seriously - he only thinks about himself. He’ll definitely hurt you or use you to hurt me.

You had screamed and cried, saying that Max had been the only one to look out for you these last few months. You’d called the Dutchman for advice, sniffling and saying I’m sorry Maxie, they won’t let me go, I have to decline-

He’d gently interrupted and reminded you that you’re an adult, you know schat? And an incredibly talented driver. You should put yourself first for a change. You’d hesitated, because you’d never done anything without your family closely supervising you before - but where would you go, you say confused. You didn’t know anyone - you know me, Max offered. Come stay at mine while you sort things out, but don’t let it delay starting your F2 season.

You’d started crying again, telling the Dutch driver how lucky you were to have him as a friend. And that’s how you found yourself tucked into his much larger frame, on his private jet en route to Monaco, fast asleep from the emotionally charged day as he lovingly kissed your forehead. And your temporary residence at his penthouse dragged into months into an indefinite stay as he insisted it was safer for you, given the papparazzi that had gone crazy at the youngest Hamilton sibling switching sides - just for now, until it dies down. You’d gratefully accepted, becoming accustomed to his luxurious lifestyle and wanting to be in close proximity to Max. It was hard to control the thumping of your heart as you scolded yourself internally for your crush on the tall driver, who you were sure only saw you as a junior driver to guide.

Before the season started, Max had warned you that your family would interfere and try to turn you against him. You hadn’t taken it seriously, but when Lewis approached you at your first race, demanded to speak to you in person after you’d been blocking his calls for days, Max had been all to happy to get security to escort him away after you’d started becoming upset, just like he knew you would. Don’t pay any mind to him, schat. He’s probably just jealous of your success.

You’d found that hard to believe, because although your big brother had a few annoying traits, he would always be genuinely happy about your wins. But Max had planted the seed of doubt that began to crumble your inner self worth, questioning if your big bro had only been holding you back because he wanted to remain the family champion. Remaining on edge, your anxiety began damaging your racing and dropping you in the rankings. You slept fretfully, paranoid that you were going to be benched and would be forced to go home in humiliation and hear your family’s we told you so.

You let Max climb into your bed one night when he heard your muffled cries, running a soothing hand up and down your back, hungrily enjoying the view of your thick ass as your silky nightie rode up while you sobbed into his strong chest. And when you opened up about all your worries, it was only natural that he offered to be the one to train you, being the current world champion and all, right? You had lit up, so delighted that he had offered, flushed because truly you’d never met anyone so kind and giving like him.

And Max - well, he would never let an opportunity to get back at Lewis slide by. Training his precious little sister, the one he always protectively hid away from the rest of the grid? Oh, it was almost too perfect, he thought darkly. And it was an added bonus that you were so gorgeous, all dark curls, innocent doe eyes and a soft, curvy 5 foot figure under his almost 6 foot frame. But my training is intense, schat. Very strict. He made you promise that you’d do whatever he asked, no matter how you felt, because it was the only way to win - and that you couldn’t tell anyone else about his top secret training methods, especially your big brother. You’d eagerly nodded your agreement, looking up at him with starry eyes and saying Yes Maxie, of course, I trust you, thank you so much for offering, I’m so grateful!

As the weeks went by, Max proved himself to be the best mentor you could ask for. You two would train together, going on morning jogs, drinking the same protein smoothies, discussing the best overtaking techniques. All the time you two spent together made rumours fly around the paddock about the exact nature of your relationship - but Max dismissed them all with a roll of his eyes, telling you that it was so sexist of people to assume you were his girlfriend and not his junior driver. You’d agreed, althought you couldn’t help feeling disappointed that Max didn’t seem to think about you in a romantic sense at all.

Your rankings started improving, but Max had said that you needed a lot more work if you wanted to reach P1, especially given your smaller size compared to the rest of the drivers. You nodded eagerly, curious when he easily picked you up and deposited you in between his thick thighs on his sim rig, ordering you to show him your driving. You’d been doing so well until he started brushing his large hands across your soft waist and whispering naughty things in your ear about how sexy you looked, how hard it was to resist you every night while you slept right next door to him. You’d squealed, confused and asking just what he was doing - Trying to test your ability to focus, to avoid any distractions, Max replies disapprovingly as your car crashed on the screen. Clearly, you have a lot of work to do. This isn’t good enough!

Oh, you’d replied, feeling foolish for thinking anything romantic of it. Max didn’t like you like that, after all. So you two resumed the daily sessions, him torturing you for hours with caresses all over your body, squeezing your soft tits and pinching your nipples through your tight camisoles, and sliding large fingers up the skirt he’d always make you wear to tease your embarrassingly damp slit. You’d gone pink in the face when he first felt it, stuttering out apologies but he just sweetly reassured you that it wasn’t your fault, just a normal reaction - like this, he’d said, pulling your small waist back so you grinded on something very large and hard tucked into his sweats. You’d never felt something like that before, having never had a boyfriend since your family always kept you under their protective eye.

But it felt sooo good, you thought guiltily, hoping Max wouldn’t mind when you would be unable to resist grinding against him some sessions. He never seemed to care, instead progressing you to the next level by slipping his cock out of his sweats one night and letting it bounce up against your most innocent parts. You had gone wide eyed seeing it for the first time, not expecting it to look soo big and thick and angry, making your stomach twist in fear. But it was business as usual as Max angrily scolded you for becoming distracted, making you restart as he began gliding his cock along your puffy folds - always separated by your soaked lace panties, of course.

Once you had become a master at being laser focused, he made you develop your senses next. A good driver is always in tune with the feel, the smell, the sound of the car, he explains. You don’t question him, obediently drooping onto your thick ass in front of his spread thighs as he wraps a silk tie across your eyes. You bite your lip from the sudden disorientation, feeling nervous, but Max’s large palm comfortingly strokes your hair. At his command you poke your tongue out and hold your palms up, waiting for the first test and he almost groans out loud from your sweet gullibility. You correctly identify a bunch of different exotic tasting fruits, specific switches and buttons on the replica steering wheel - and sassy, you giggle, when you feel Max’s cat climb into your lap. He muses that he’s going to have to give you something harder to figure out cause you’re so good as this, making you blush from the praise. You curiously hear a rustle as he steps closer and then he guides your small hands to something very long and thick. You experimentally rub your hands along it, hearing Max hiss. A banana? You say dumbly after a few beats, Cucumber?

Wrong, Max says, sounding a bit breathless. Why don’t you taste it, hmm? You diligently lick the tip of it with your delicate tongue, not recognising the heady, salty taste, and begin licking more and more as you become determined to figure it out. You don’t know how many minutes have passed but you aren’t any closer to guessing it, instead saying It tastes really good, Maxie, what is it? You hear him swear, grip tightening in your hair, and then he orders you to open your mouth wide to get a proper taste, his normally deep voice even huskier than normal. You feel him trace your plush lips with his thumb, making you feel that dirty tingly feeling in between your legs again, before the mysterious warm and thick length is shoved down your throat, making you gag uncontrollably. You whine, trying to pull back and breathe, but Max’s strong hand doesn’t let up as he roughly shoves it in and out of your tight mouth.

Tears drip down your cheeks at the intensity and you’re drooling messily, but Max doesn’t seem to care one bit and you might’ve imagined it but you thought you hear the click of multiple photos being taken. Guessed what it is yet, schat? Max asks mockingly, and you whine, shaking your head. Too bad, maybe this will help you figure it out. He pushes the whole length past your lips as you feel something thick and creamy flood your mouth, giving you no option but to swallow it, licking your lips to try figure out the taste. Afterwards, Max had gently taken the blindfold off, revealing his flushed face, and wipes your tears away sweetly. Sorry I didn’t get the last answer, you say guiltily, upset that you had no clue. It’s alright, doll, Max reassured, I’m sure you’ll get it next time, yeah?

Another thing that you needed to improve was your endurance and stamina. F2 races were a lot more demanding than karting, Max pointed out, noticing how tired you would be after a race. He increased the frequency of your runs and workouts, always helping you stretch before and letting his dark gaze hungrily linger on your pliant body underneath him. You’d wear the cutest little yoga shorts and sports bras, leaving your sensitive chocolate-toned skin on display for him, and it was almost too easy to accidentally slide in between your legs or brush the swell of your breasts as he stretched you out, bending your legs right back up over your head and leaving you breathless. But it wasn’t enough for Max as you consistently scored on the podium now but never P1. So he proposed the ultimate endurance training, that all the F1 drivers did regularly - fucking.

Fu-you mean, making love?! You’d shrieked hysterically, whipping your head up as he brought it up casually when you two were watched a movie, cuddled up on the couch. He’d smirked, Sure darling, making love.

You’d looked nervous, like a deer in headlights, telling him you weren’t sure, you felt uncomfortable doing that for the first time…but Max’s stormy expression left no room for discussion. Everyone on the grid does it, all the time. Even your older brother, he said condescendingly. It’s a pretty good stress relief. Trust me, your driving will become so much faster.

You innocently eat up Max’s blatant lies, hesitantly asking if you should get a boyfriend then, that cute engineer from the Redbull garage had asked you out after all- No! Max says heatedly, glaring furiously at the thought of some other man laying their hands on what belonged to him. You look at him, confused how he expects you to- I mean, no, it’s fine schat, it’s part of your training after all, so I’ll take care of you, okay?

You flushed prettily, biting your lip and squeezing your thighs together at the thought of Max taking your virginity, as your romantic feelings had only grown the more time you spent with him. And soon enough, later that night, Max had climbed into your bed again to find you shyly waiting for him, dressed in that silky nightie he liked. Pulling it up over your hips, he moved your lace panties to the side and made you blush as he hungrily eyed your dripping innocence, just like he’d done many times while you’d been peacefully sleeping, unaware of the twisted desires your mentor had for you. He’d then stretched you out on his thick fingers, then replaced them with his even thicker cock - no condom, of course - sickly enjoying the tears streaming down your face as you sweetly moaned from pain and pleasure. Within minutes he was claiming you as his, sending you spiralling into orgasm after orgasm, screaming his name as you fell apart from overstimulation.

Max smirked at your small frame that was now passed out below him - you’d need a lot more training if this is all you could handle, he thought darkly as he gripped your petite waist, easily continuing to move you up and down his fat cock like a ragdoll. You moan blissfully in your sleep as he stretched out your virgin cunny. Maybe multiple times a day, Max decided, cause you just felt too damn good. In his bed next time, on the kitchen counter, in your driver’s room before the race and then maybe again after- and at least once in a hotel room where he neighboured Lewis. He could just imagine your wide eyes, teary from panic as you struggled to keep your moans quiet, begging him Maxie please, please not so rough as his thrusts repeatedly banged the headboard against the wall, making it clear to his rival just what kind of filthy things Max Verstappen was doing to his precious little sister.

The dirty, possessive thought makes him cum with a guttural moan, pumping you full of his generous load as he buries his flushed face in between your pretty tits to lick and bite at them. But what Max most looked forward to was the look on Lewis’ face when you would eventually show up to the paddock one day, F2 trophy in hand and a glittering rock on your ring finger to match, beaming in anticipation of replacing the Hamilton surname with Verstappen.

And no, Max would not be inviting him to the wedding.

—————————————————————————

A/N: ok anyways. This is a ridiculous amount of smut for me to have churned out in less than a day I need to touch some grass 🙏 as always lmk what you think and send in some more requests!

[veryberryjelly]

Karaoke time: tis the damn season, remus lupin

remus lupin x fem!reader

tis the damn season - taylor swift ( i love this song so much, stop- )

𝐉𝐎𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝟏𝐊 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑

coming home during summer break was definitely not your favourite time of the year. you much preferred to stay up at university but you hadn't been home since christmas and you were only supposed to spend a few weeks there before going away with your friends.

you were certain that your mum had informed her friends of your return home, which in turn informed the entire town.

you were from a small town of gossips. everyone knew everyone and knew everything about everyone.

sometimes you just wanted to do something without the entire town knowing about it.

but you had never been granted that courtesy.

it got a million times worse when you started dating.

you learnt very quickly it was impossible to date in that town so you settled for only meeting people at university.

though that failed miserably.

until one christmas break during your second year at uni, you had met remus. a boy your age who had gone to a boarding school, which was why you never met him until he went off to uni and started going home for the holidays.

you had spent a lot of nights together during that winter break.

it was something amazing, but only for a few weeks. and you both knew and accepted that.

that didnt make it any easier to leave for uni every break.

but you relished the time you spent together.

you knew he was home for the summer, and while you hadn't made any plans, you both knew you were going to spend a lot of time together.

you spent your first day at home with your parents, but the next morning you met up with remus at a cafe in the centre of town.

the moment he walked through the door you were up out of your seat and it was as though you had never left eachother.

your day was spent wandering around town, more often than not with a coffee in your hand, catching up on what had been going on over the last 6 months.

you didnt talk much when you were both at school. the occasional message about when you would be coming back home, but not much information was exchanged.

you learnt that remus was currently at the top of his class, which earned him a muffin from you.

and when you told him you had been accepted for a job when you got out of school, he bought you a toasted sandwich.

you were shocked you didnt run out of things to say to him, but you didnt, eventually ending up back at his house while his parents went to a movie.

it was no surprise that you ended up making out on the sofa while a movie played on the tv.

the film had been bought with the full intention of watching it, but when you sat curled up in remus' side, he couldn't resist.

" i missed you " he whispered between touches of your lips

three simple words which sent alarm bells through your body, causing you to pull away from him.

you missed him too.

but you thought it was mutually agreed that you never talked about the prospect of seeing eachother more.

that you enjoyed the time you had and never spoke about it.

" i don't know what you expect me to say..."

" i mean, i kind of hoped you would say you missed me too "

" what are you doing, rem ? you know this would never work with us. "

" why not ? " he countered, growing slightly more passionate about the subject. " people make this work all the time. i could come visit you at school, we could meet half way...i just- i can't find anyone that makes me feel as.. alive as you do "

his words caused a burning to grow behind your eyes, which you tried to hide by ducking your head to avoid his gaze.

but he wasnt having it.

he lifted his hand to tilt your head up with his thumb and forefinger, delicately wiping away the tears from your cheek.

" why dont you want this ? " he questioned again, his voice soft.

" because i dont want to make you miserable. " you started, unable to stop the free flow of tears down your cheeks.

" i can't keep people close to me without ruining them. it's why i dont come home, it's why i dont have any friends at uni. its why i look forward to seeing you so much because i know i dont have enough time to ruin you. you are the only perfect thing in my life and i dont want to lose that " you rambled.

remus said nothing, instead choosing to wrap his strong arms around you and pull you close to his chest.

that broke you completely.

you let a damn break and the only thing holding you together was remus' arms wrapped tightly around you.

So we could call it even You could call me babe for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm stayin' at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you in my hometown

[lisguna]

Episode 1 of my slice of life

Dear Diary,

Never in my life have I cared about if someone wanted to copy my homework because seriously who cares? I didn't really care since it didn't take any effort on my part to let them copy the answers or to send the file to them.

I guess there's a first time for everything.

In Uni, I'm taking Business informatics with a data analyst specialization. I have a classmate, (let’s call her Eva) who likes to ask for help in informatics subjects. I usually send my codes to Eva and let her have fun with them. Eva, well I don't want to sound mean, is really stupid when comes to these types of lessons. Also, I have a feeling she isn't even trying to understand it. (I like to highlight it that I know I'm not a pro in programming, but I manage.) I don't even understand what she is doing in this course, but whatever.

The important part of the story is that for the machine learning class, she sent in exactly the same file and only just rewrote the file name. Of course, Eva asked if she could and I said yeah because it was only my early version of the codes. I made changes I didn't send her. However, I thought she at least made another file, copied my codes in it and used her own parameters/structures. I mean that's the norm, right? If it isn't your work then you at least make some changes in it so it isn't obvious you didn't do it. Obviously, the teacher noticed this.

The teacher sent an email addressed to Eva, but I also got a copy of it. First, I only saw that Eva asked about the email and she was sorry. Luckily, when I checked my emails, I wasn't alone. I was with my friend (gonna call her Rose), so I wasn't as hysteric if I was alone. Rose shared the same frustration with me about the situation, but as the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy says, I didn't panic. Honestly if Rose wasn't with me, I would have cried and panicked. We concluded that I was not in trouble, merely the teacher informed me about the situation.

On the same day, we also had this lesson so after class I talked with the teacher. I explained to him what happened and asked if it had any negative effect on me. For my luck, the teacher also predicted the situation and said that I shouldn't worry. In addition, he told me that I did a good job and got max points for it. I guess the only highlight of the event is that I don't have to wait for the result.

And yes, Eva apologies but I still feel unpleasant, frustrated, and stupid to get myself in this situation. In the end, I learnt my lesson and I won't share my solutions with Eva. Only with people, like Rose, who are on the same page as me.

I really needed to write my frustration out.

Farewell until the next episode.

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Hi darling 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻. I know this is off topic

If i remember correctly you said English isn't your mother tongue, could you tell us how you learned to write in such a wonderful English? It's really impressive how wide your vocabulary is and the way you convey your characters emotions.

I promise this is my last request for today, can I be 🌑 anon?

Hope you have a nice day 😚

i love this question, btw 🥺 i like talking about this.

the answer is kinda long, so i'll leave it under a cut, but the tl;dr is that english was the only way i could enjoy my special interests, so my autistic ass just... learnt it to indulge in these things. it all led me to reading and writing a lot in the language, which was how i started developing my own creative writing skills.

i always say English was my first love, which is kinda funny considering i used to hate English as a subject in school (bc i couldn't understand it when i was like... 9 years old. it was taught to us as a 'foreign language', but the level of education wasn't exactly.... good. i could barely count to twenty and i knew some colours, that's about it lol).

anyway, when i was around 14 years old i got really into harry potter*. we're talking obsessive levels of being into it... and very quickly i realised that the best spaces online surrounding the series were in english. i ended up joining tumblr back in 2010, when the only available language to use it was english. got really into doctor who and bbc merlin, as well as british youtubers (charlieissocoollike, my beloved...) and i just overall started consuming a lot of media in english. i eventually started reading books in english (percy jackson, the hunger games...), also fanfiction in english, and at some point i just... realised i could understand what i was watching/reading very well.

it was sort of a natural progression, tbh. when i was 17 i was fairly proficient (not fully, i still made basic grammar mistakes, but i think it was understandable for someone that wasn't learning through formal education). i ended up going to uni to study to become a translator (i dropped out lol but that's a story for another day, if you wanna hear it), and my english just got better there when i started to actually study grammar.

by 21 i'd say i was fully fluent... and now i'm here.

when it comes to actual creative writing, reading is what got me the vocabulary i have (which could be way better, i'm sure), and actually sitting down and writing was what got me to where i am right now with my writing. it's a practiced skill, pretty much.

thank you for this question, it got me remembering nice things about my past that make me happy and i often forget about💜

*(for transparency, i'm not into harry potter anymore. i can't stand jkr and her terf-ass, so the series is completely tainted for me. i can't consume anything HP related these days, because all i can think about is how it was written by such a hateful, disgusting person. it triggers only negative emotions in me these days, which is really, really sad tbh)

[1-talk-alot]

Short rant/vent thing that I didn’t proof read

I’m panicking so much about school because my mind keeps going back to the time I actually tried hard on one of my tests and ended up with a 7/15, to me thats solid proof im just going to fail everything. Each year i get a slightly lower score than before, I can’t focus for shit at home so I never study no matter how much I try, by the time my final exams roll around I’ll still be beating myself up over a maths quiz written for 12 year olds I don’t understand. Which means I won’t pass my A levels let alone gcses and that means I won’t get into any universities. And that means I should die because getting to move out to attend uni is almost all im living for. Im skilled in some things but none of those things will ever make me a living, my worst subject is probably English which sucks because no amount of revision and vocabulary will be able to prepare me for there weird mark system and detailed analysis’ of vague items. The year im going into, we’re studying poems which sucks ass because it means memorising shit which I just couldnt do anyway. Then maths is just something I’ll never understand, I could revise if I just could. I can’t focus at home or in school or anywhere enough to gain a long term understanding of any subject, I wing all my exams and I barely get through. Science might be even worse because I don’t think I’ve learnt a thing since last year, it’s not that I have bad teachers, it just looks back to my complete inability to focus or understand. When I try to think of what I learnt in science I just think of a bunch of keywords I know like chloroplast and enzymes and kenetic energy and I don’t know any equations or meanings or diagrams, if you give me two numbers in science I’ll just gamble and times them together in hopes that I was supposed to do that. My science tests have been pretty easy so far, and I still did bad enough to get moved into a lower set. Im going to fail my exams and fuck myself over for life. I’ve considered dropping everything other than school ever, like hobbies and friends and clubs but even if I did do that, and doing so got me by school, it wouldn’t feel worth it to graduate uni and then get hired at a library or something. I say library because I know that’s on the spectrum of jobs I’d consider, ones that are quiet and peaceful that I could actually enjoy, but most of them I don’t even need a degree for: I just still desperately want to attend uni, for the experience, to move out, just to get me the fuck out of here. But I’m going to fail school either way and I’ll probably be stuck here forever. I hate how my whole life depends on how I do as a child, I know it’s how it is, but it feels so unfair to me. Im not saying teenagers should have to go to school, but I wish it didn’t have to depend on these 3 core subjects only half of us are going to need in their chosen career. I know it doesn’t work this way, but if I wanted to hire a barista I wouldn’t be asking how much they know about the quantum theorem. It feels completely soul crushing to pull all nighters stressing and trying to learn about something when your hearts just not in it at all, just so that society allows you to pursue what it was all for.

And idk how to end this but hey! Atleast when caimbridge rejects me and I and kill myself I’ll have already told my story

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

the over-specialisation of degrees, even in arts departments, is something that really disturbs me. moreover, in my opinion, it's what the first lady and people like her, argue should replace generalised arts degrees like mine. for example, earlier this month, i was looking at doing a cadetship at my home uni that I got my arts degree in english lit & philosophy from (im desperate for a job lol).

as part of the cadetship, then, my home uni paid for the specific degree chosen by the candidate.... I looked at both international studies with a double major in international relations and legal studies, with a minor in linguistics..... or the media & comms degree that I actually began in, in 2015. in the media and comms degree NOW, they expect students to ONLY choose degree streams from THAT degree. most especially if you're doing the marketing communications and advertising major, because that demands a DOUBLE MAJOR only out of journalism or digital and social media or games design... and also a minor out of those subjects.

now, the school of media, when I began uni nearly 10 years ago in 2015, was paired with "english, arts and media." you could either pick a major in the media and comms degree..... which at the time, before I realised the media program was NOT for me, and was too structured and constrictive etc etc, for my liking... that were the following: journalism and professional writing, digital media, marketing comms and advertising (my picked too early major), and international media and film....

OR you were allowed to pick a major from the wider arts department. many students (esp in the journalism and professional writing major) would pick english or creative writing as their wider arts department major. so that they could learn adequate writing skills, etc. at the time, and also throughout that first year of uni, I was looking at pairing my advertising major in a double major (or a minor) with sociology; to learn about broader society, research skills (eg. survey construction, conducting focus groups), and demography outside of marketing. then I was gracefully and thankfully allowed to change to my arts degree at the end of first year.

now those double majors OUTSIDE of media & comms with that major (or any major in the degree/dept i think), CANNOT be taken, and you MUST do a double degree if you want to do a philosophy or english lit major or even a minor (probs i didnt read it properly tbh). I'm not sure about electives tbh: maybe other arts electives are allowed.

this concerns me, because how exactly are journalism, marketing etc etc, majors in these highly specialised degrees, even learning to analyse deeply and constructively???? because what I heard CONSTANTLY from journalism majors in my first year philosophy subject "media, art and censorship" that was about media ethics (so it was very obviously compulsory for them).... was any iteration of this rant: "I AM A JOURNALIST!!!!! I ALREADY KNOW HOW TO ARGUE AND BE LOGICAL!!! HOW DARE YOU WASTE MY TIME WITH THIS USELESS, POINTLESS SUBJECT!!! I DONT NEED TO DO MY READINGS AND THINK ABOUT ETHICS!!!! WHEN I ALREADY DO THAT IN MY VASTLY MORE IMPORTANT JOURNALISM CLASSES!!!! REMOVE THIS FROM MY SCHEDULE PLEASE!!!" I also found this particularly rife in the law students, too. but that's for a different rant on another post. lol not lol.

it was given, that yes, I was talking to 17yos or 18yos, who'd just started uni. who thought that they already knew everything possible about writing/argument etc.... because "I was in debate/parliamentary club in school!!!! so I've already learnt how to argue my points to perfection! to analyse people's bullshit opinions and arguments, so I'll NEVER have to waste time in philosophy talking about "do strawberries have brains?" and "what is life, really?" when I've already done that." on top of that, also bragging that since they'd gotten their perfect entry marks (atar's), that again, "I never have to learn to make a cogent and cohesive argument by debating the utter bullshit that you read in philosophy. what's the use of wasting my time doing that, when I got into my media and comms degree early via early entry..... but basically got my desired 82 atar... and got 76 in advanced english and 45 in extension english 1??? because obvs I'm perfect and deserve to be excused from doing that???"

even when arts students continually degrade certain departments because they're in a "specialist" field like journalism (or another real specialist field such as law), so that then means that they think they get to be excused from important subjects like media ethics, philosophy, rhetoric (because that was also touched on, in that philosophy subject I referred to) and how they relate to propaganda.... which as a JOURNALIST, which you are just sooooo haughty about; that you WILL be complicit in writing and deseminating, depending on where you work??? like bro. journalism used to be a full ass TAFE (aussie tech college) course. hell, it was still just a tafe course 10 YEARS ago, while i was still in year 12. then like a normal arts dept major or minor. it's only probs in the last 10 to 15 years, at my home uni at least, that it's become its own DEPARTMENT (I assume anyway. I actually have no idea tbh) with its own ENTIRE degree programs.

anyone studying media and communication NEEDS to be able to deconstruct arguments and systems and be able to relate to anyone, on any level. journalism, marketing/advertising, et. al majors in these departments need to be able to analyse class relations and societal structures if they do social commentary as part of their jobs. they need to read Dickens, the Brontes, and jane austen. what's the use of going through your entire degree just learning g how to write shitty listicle articles and soulless copy, in the hopes of going viral... especially when you can't draw any good comparisons from literature or TV or film... but instead, just trail off into "the 20 greatest marketing and communications plans of the 21st century???"

english, philosophy, and even a sociology or other social studies classes can give you the incisive precision to execute good creative advertising copy, article/media or book briefs.... or good policy writing; and whatever else was in that one elective subject that I kept looking at when I was in uni, in the journalism & professional writing major.... but was roped off TO ONLY communication and media students in their second year. like that subject has since been either superseded or discontinued. but I am STILL so fucking salty that I was never allowed to do it, bc I wasn't in the only "correct" degree field/stream. when a few professors said that with english and philosophy or other arts, or even creative arts majors, students/grads could work in fields such as media, business comms, marketing, and advertising. but then the media school refused other arts students access to a subject that could help them build a portfolio in this field/type of work.... and instead told other arts students to downgrade to teaching only.

hell, I even got told by the arts dept CAREERS ADVISOR that I should've stayed in my media and communications degree if I wanted to work in marketing and other creative industries. however, that was a degree that bored me to death, unlike english and philosophy. when I said "no I want to do english and philosophy and go into marketing." she just basically just told me to accept my lot and go into teaching... "because that's the only field that will ACTUALLY hire you.... if you want a career in arts and NOT business and advertising etc".

so it's almost like unis do just as much to devalue THEIR OWN arts departments, demoting my skills in analysis and cogent and divergent thinking to "being a teacher or forever student, only". OR force yourself into an extremely programmed and over-specialised degree that didn't even exist like 20 years ago. bc comms and media used to be just a normal arts major or minor at my home uni..... rather than its OWN dept and extremely over-specialised degree.... whose students think they can excuse themselves from learning the necessary deep analysis, deep reading, and cogent argument formation, with concise and precise logical thinking needed to connunicate complex ideas easily... all bc "oh, they teach us how to write cohesively; while also making businesses money by going viral!!!" which apparently any other arts field does not do.

so all in all, FUCK the people who make fun of typical humanities degrees.... that think that EVERY degree needs to be hyper-specialised to Make Money™️; both in term of the uni's/colleges themselves AND business... and possibly the students who graduate from them (lol, that's null and void at this point, lbr). that purposely demote arts degrees as useless "fluffy/namby-pamby/mickey mouse degrees"; to the point that students in different schools of arts departments even state that the skills or their fellow students in english/philosophy/sociology etc are worthless, apparently, against theirs.... that somehow journalism degrees make them "more work-ready, competitive and intelligent" than those students in traditional arts fields.

[mathemadept]

First Post I guess

This is a new experience, never made a blog or been active on tumblr before. Feel like this might help me stay motivated with my uni course, or it could just be me justifying spending time online... Only time will tell.

Plans

My main goal is for this blog is to serve as

a kind of archive for material I find interesting relating to my uni course, learnt material, etc.

a journal/diary of my day to day stuff: musings, interesting stuff I've read, my totally uneducated takes on current events

a (hopefully) entertaining experience for me, myself, and anyone who happens to stumble across my dreadful writing

now that I stop and think about it, I'm basically describing a dump account. Which is also fine. Crossing my fingers hoping that it will, at the very least, be a mathematically rigorous dump account.

As a STEMlord, a title which I carry with just the right amount of snobbery, most of my academic posts are going to be STEM related. Specifically, as a TP student it's gonna be a whole fuckton of mathematics, sprinkled with a smidgen of physics modules, and a drop of humanity electives.

Structuring/format

The system that I'm planning to use for blog posts, safely stored within my head, is as follows:

Journal/diary entries will have "journal/diary" followed by an entry number and short title in the header, e.g.

Journal (0): In the Beginning

Maths/physics/ academic posts will take a similar form,

Academic, Maths (Complex Analysis): Proof of the Riemann Hypothesis

might make more sense to skip the academic and maybe even subject sections in favour of just the module name:

Group Theory, Group Homomorphisms: Sets, Sets, and More Sets

Dumps, ramblings, interesting stuff will have their own title. Not sure how I'm going to characterise homework stuff, gonna tackle that problem when I get there. Currently on "reading week" which I should have used for catching up on what I missed in lectures and what not up until now but most of the time I've spent wasting away my braincells glued to my phone. Still got some group theory homework due around the 31st, might post about it later in the week.

I hope to refine this system as I go along, it is very much a work in progress atm. None of this is except from change in the future, we shall adopt a fluid and lax approach to formatting until a robust system is found to work.

-Peace out to the void

[emilylangridgegrad604i]

WHY? P3

15. Mirror - My big vanity mirror was given to me by my parents for my birthday which I was so grateful for, I used to use a cheap one on the inside of an eyeshadow palette, so the upgraded was super needed and it has been well loved, it was also super meaningful that my parents got it for me as it felt like they really loved and appreciated my art form and what I do, I use it pretty much everyday and is a needed part of most of my art practises. 16. My Ariel doll - I have quite the collection of Ariel dolls now, but one of my favourites is the one that my friend also has - Shes the one from the newest movie and as one of my main compositions and subject matters when it comes to drawing and painting is mermaids, I like how she consistently provides inspiration and also memorabilia of when me and my friend went to see the film in cinema and went to the Disney premiere. 17. Crystals - Crystals are one of the main ways I have decorated the space in my room, they feel very peaceful and spiritual to me and also remind me of my mum who has gifted me lots of hers, arranging them all in my room is super important to me and I love how they fill my space. 18. Design and illustration books - Some of my favourite illustration and graphic design books really help fuel my creativity and give me the drive with my studies and outside of uni design commissions and work, I love Ellen Luptons books on type - I've learnt alot from those as typography was something I really struggled with but found alot of enjoyment in, I feel like I can always resort back to these when im stuck or need some motivation with type, I also have a few illustrative books that show the beautiful illustrations of Hans Christen Andersen's The Little Mermaid, its a great read to shut your mind off too and is just visually so stunning to look at. 19. Easel - I was gifted a large antique easel by a customer from work at Gordon Harris - it was such an honour to get given something that was once so sentimental to someone, it belonged to her father who was a Walt Disney animator, so it feels really special to own this now, its made of real oak and needs to get oiled and cleaned every few months, it takes up alot of space and is such a privilege to own. 20. Cards - I keep all the cards I get given by friends and whanau and one that I have on my desk next to my vanity is one that was given to me by one of my friends who lives in Nashville, I often think about how cool it is to be able to have items from all across the world that contribute to one larger creative space, that remind me of people in my life that are important who help me get by each and every single day, not only in the creative field are they inspiring but in everyday life I feel loved and cherished by them.

[chemblrish]

hi i dont think you'll read this and answer cause i didnt saw any answers on asks but i really want to ask something to you, also sorry here is may be mistakes english is not my first language, and for very long ask lol

my dream is to be a chemist, when i was a child i was really surprised and excited when i discovered that my dad was working in lab with oil, he is a chemist too. I thought as a joke that i want to follow his steps and be a chemist too. But i grew up, so this is not joke anymore. I hope my father will proud of me :D i love chemistry SO MUCH

What i wanted to ask,

1. i have really bad phobia of planets, galaxy, etc. astrophobia in short. Was you learning about astronomy in lessons? Is there any photos of planets?

2. Who are you studying? Just curious :]

3. Do you need to know biology and physics good?, i am not lover of these sciences, i can be tho

4. Is it hard? Want to connect profession with pharmaceutica(idk how to spell), i heard pharma is hardcore

Hi there! No worries, I answer everything that shows up in my inbox + English isn't my first language either :)

It's great that your dad is a chemist, it seems you're going to get lots of support, so that's definitely something to cherish and appreciate! I'm sure he'll be proud of you. Whenever somebody pops up in my notifications saying they want to study chemistry too, I get very happy, and I'm not even a mom, so I can only imagine how excited scientist parents get when their children want to pursue science too haha.

I didn't study any astronomy at all! I did have to pass a physics course but there was zero astronomy there, save for a picture of Earth during a lecture on gravity.

I'm afraid I don't understand this one, sorry! :(

Biology - no, given that you pick "pure" chemistry. I think it's a common misconception that biology and chemistry are very similar but that's not entirely true. Biologists do need to know some chemistry, chemists don't necessarily need biology. You say you're interested in pharmacy though, so something like medicinal chemistry or biochemistry might be a better choice for you. In that case - yes, there will be quite a lot of biology. I study "just" chemistry, so I can't tell you much about these other majors, but my uni offers a medchem program and I know they have to take courses like general biology, human physiology, microbiology, immunology, molecular biology, cell chemistry, and many more. Physics - well, there is some physics in chemistry (in a way, chemistry is a branch of physics... I think a lot of the time chemistry is just wet physics). Chemists are mostly interested in thermodynamics, some quantum physics and modern physics in general, but some aspects of the other branches pop up here and there occasionally too. Besides, speaking from experience, physics should be learnt in layers: classical mechanics, thermodynamics, electromagnetism, then modern physics. Otherwise, it can get hard to understand everything properly. Don't be intimidated though. I think if you're determined and disciplined enough, you'll be fine. I had very little knowledge in physics before uni, but I worked very hard throughout the semester and got pretty decent grades + I definitely saw a lot of progress in my understanding of the field, so that's totally doable.

"Hard" is highly subjective haha. Personally, I think it all comes down to discipline, commitment, and the right priorities; but here where I live chemistry is famously one of those majors that knock out over half of all the students within the first semester, and I'm really not sure how that happens lol. So far, chemistry has been reasonably hard for me, but with consistency and enthusiasm it has not been overwhelming or extremely difficult to get through. Medchem / pharma are a different story, or so I think. I can't really compare though, because I've never been involved in this sort of thing + honestly... I don't like biology, so I wouldn't be objective anyway ahaha. Any pharmacy students on board? Would you like to share your experience?

[ryanelliottinternshipeportfolio]

Entry 8

I’m so happy that I found this course halfway through year 12. As soon as I read about it and saw the 228-hour internship I knew that this was the course I wanted to do. I attended an information night and was set on doing this course after completing year 12. I can still remember where I was when I got the email letting me know I’d been accepted in the course. 

My first year was very difficult due to circumstances outside of our control as we were forced to study online the whole year. I am very grateful for the three weeks we had in person as I was able to meet everyone in person and make some friends before we headed online. I had no doubts that first year about whether the course was for me. I always held the opinion that I wrote better about things that I was interested in and that was proven from day one in the course. I love sport so having basically all our assessments be about sport in some capacity brought out the best in me. Our first full semester in person last year was amazing and gave me my first real experience with uni life. Finally spending time with all my classmates was perfect and made me enjoy my studies even more. First semester this year would probably be my favourite semester in the course because by this stage, we were all comfortable with each other and going to class and hanging out with everyone was a ball.  This last semester was a bit more difficult as I didn't get to see everyone as much due to only having two weekly classes. I’ve been able to create some awesome assessments with this 30 minute TV show being one of my favourites. Here's the link to access it. Another assessment I’m really proud of is this Channel 7 style news video I created for the Devon Meadows Cricket Club. 

I feel like the whole course leads towards the internship experience and for good reason. It’s a really challenging experience as I’ve discussed but is extremely rewarding and I’m super proud of my internship. All of our classes prepare us for our internship and there was so much knowledge from the past three years that was put into practice. Basketball Victoria were exceptionally welcoming and it was a great place for me to learn in the industry. Spending time at Basketball Victoria has confirmed what roles I want to be doing. Schwabe and Castellacci (2020) illustrate that “job satisfaction experienced in working life does indeed represent an important component of individuals’ overall subjective well-being” (p. 2). Through the completion of this course and my internship, I have learnt what roles I want to be doing in the sports media industry. My aim is to enjoy my work in the future and hopefully these roles I’ve had a taste of will be able to provide me with job satisfaction. 

Reference List

Schwabe, H., & Castellacci, F. (2020). Automation, workers’ skills and job satisfaction. PloS one, 15(11), 1-26.

[illfoandillfie]

A Different Kind of Education: V Is For Vanilla (Chapter 1)

Pairing: Professor!Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

Summery: After being broken up with for not being kinky enough, Reader seeks out her professor to give her some private tutoring so she can win her boyfriend back.

Warnings: Modern AU, smut (18+), slow burn romance, light dom/sub dynamics, light dom!roger and sub!reader, professor x student sex, protected sex, vaginal fingering, light breast/nipple play, nipple sucking, light biting, i think thats it, honestly this chapter is (as the title says) pretty vanilla. But things will get more intense in later chapters. 

Words: 7,128

A/N: ahhhhhh it’s finally here. This professor Rog idea has been kicking around my head for months now and finally I’m actually doing something about it lmao

This series is going to be LONG (like in my plan it’s 15 chapters) because I have So Many kinks I want to squeeze into it. Some were chosen by me and some were chosen by everyone who voted in the poll I put up a few weeks ago and i am seriously so excited about what’s coming.

Smut scenes in this and all future chapters will be marked with stars so that if there is a kink you’d like to avoid you can skip over it and still enjoy the rest of the series. 

Also, I know the chapter title doesn’t super make sense since he’s a university bio sciences professor which doesn’t have a lot to do with the alphabet but 🤷‍♀️ that was the working chapter title and it kind of stuck. Plus, ya’ll know I love chapter titles that have a theme lmao. Anyway, no more stalling. Enjoy the filth and start preparing yourselves for it to get so much filthier.

(the ultimate hot professor rog moment tbh)

@atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama​​ @deakyclicks​​ @jennyggggrrr​​ @drowseoftaylor​​ @hannafuckingsucks​​ @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming​​ @queenmylovely​​ @ilovequeenmorethanyou​​ @johndeaconshands​​ @borhapbois​​ @stardust-galaxies​​ @cherries-n-rocknroll​​ @rogersslave​​ @scorpiogemini  

His office door was open when you got there which didn’t give you much time to hesitate or rethink your decision to ask your Professor for help. He would have seen you approaching or stalling in the doorway and invited you in anyway to query you about your reasons for being there. So, instead, you raised your fist and rapped a pattern on the door frame with your knuckles. “Professor Taylor? Can I have a word?” “Miss Y/L/N,” he seemed surprised to see you, his eyes widening behind his spectacles, “come in. What can I help you with?” You closed the door behind you and took a seat, fidgeting with your fingers as you tried to remember how you’d planned to broach the subject. Professor Taylor – Roger, as you’d been told you could call him – waited patiently. “It’s tricky, Professor. Umm, see, well um,” “Is this something to do with the coursework? If you’re worried about the last assignment, you don’t need to be. It was really good, what you handed in.” “Really?” “Mmhmm. I was going to give you all feedback next week but if it’ll help put your mind at ease I can show you the comments I have for you early,” You were half a second away from asking to see them when you remembered that wasn’t what you’d come to ask about, “A-actually that’s okay Professor.” “Oh? So was it something else you wanted? I know that this Masters course is more work than previous classes you’ve had with me but you seem to be keeping on top of it all. I’m very impressed by what you’ve accomplished so far.” “Thank you Professor, but, um, that’s not really what I’m here about,” “No?” He leaned forward resting his chin on his hands, “You know, there’s no need to be nervous about talking to me, I’m not going to fail you,” he chuckled as he sat up straight again, clearly trying to lighten the mood though his expression became more serious as he said, “if you’re having trouble with something, or someone, please tell me and I will do what I can to help, whether it’s pointing you in the direction of someone more able to support you or talking to people on your behalf.” You nodded, feeling marginally calmer though still nervous, “I was actually hoping for some private tutoring,” “Oh? Well if you’d like to put your name down as a tutor I have a form here somewhere, if you fill it out I can pass it on and have your name added to the database,” Roger rifled through a stack of papers on his desk, only stopping when you spoke again. “No, not, uh, not tutoring work. I more meant tutoring from you. In an area that this Uni doesn’t provide classes in,” “Miss Y/L/N I’m going to have to ask you to explain because I’m not quite sure what you’re after,” You took a breath and resisted the urge to speak to the floor, “My boyfriend dumped me last week.” “I’m sorry to hear that but I don’t see how-” “He dumped me because apparently I’m not kinky enough. I don’t know, he always wanted me to be super obedient in the bedroom but I never really understood it.” Roger shifted in his seat, “Miss Y/L/N I don’t think this is app-” “I want someone to explain it all to me, teach me how to be what he wants so I can get him back. If I can show him that I can learn, that I can submit in the way he expects, then we won’t have to break up. I love him and I’d do anything to get him back and I’ve been thinking about it and I think you’re the best person to teach me.” “I’m not sure I understand why you would come to me with this. I am very sorry to hear you’re dealing with that but it’s not really appropriate for me to be discussing such matters with my student.” “Just…” you held your hand up to try and stop him from standing and opening the door for you, “You must realise that you have a, um, a reputation.” Roger was taken aback by that, throwing you a confused expression as he settled back into his seat. “Surely you’ve heard the rumours about you. About what you like to get up to with women.” “I can assure you I haven’t,” “Seriously? Everyone talks about it. I mean part of it is probably just because you’ve got that whole DILF thing working for you so like half the students here have crushes on you. But then you throw in the gossip about how you like to tie women up and all the rest of it,” Roger closed his eyes as if he couldn’t quite keep up with everything you’d just said, “How- I mean, those rumours have no bearing on- on anything and they aren’t even- what I mean to say is-” “Professor, it’s okay. It’s just gossip, nothing serious in it. But if you do like that sort of thing, I could really use your help. I won’t tell anyone, all I want is my boyfriend back,” Roger pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, “This is insane, what you’re asking is insane.” “No it’s not,” “Okay, lets, Miss Y/L/N, just for a moment, let’s imagine that, hypothetically, I say yes to this. What then?” “Well, I’d expect we’d meet up once or twice a week, you’d teach me the basics of kink, anything you thought I should know. Then in four months’ time I can talk to Dylan and show him what I’ve learnt and he’ll take me back.” “Why four months?” “Oh, we’re pretty much guaranteed to see each other then. Two of our mutual friends are getting married and we’ll both be at the wedding. So will you do it?” “Miss Y/L/N, I don’t know that this is a good idea,” “Why not?” “Well our ages for one thing,” “So what? You’re mature and experienced and that’s what I need. Plus, surely having someone half your age throw herself at you is a bonus.” He smiled slightly, “All the same, it’s wrong. I’m your teacher.” “Exactly, who better to teach me?” “The ethics of this- and the rules of this university. If anyone found out I’d lose my job, you’d lose your place at this school so you wouldn’t get to complete your degree. Not to mention I’m sure you have family and friends who would chop my bollocks off before they ran me out of town.” “It’s not like I’m underage, I’m doing a bloody Masters. And no one would find out. We can meet in secret.” “It’s still so risky, Ms Y/L/N,” “Look, Professor, I wouldn’t tell anyone, you won’t tell anyone. As long as we’re careful about when and where we meet no one will find out. Please, Professor. I need this,” you thought you could see his resolve cracking but decided to give him a final push, “But if you really don’t want to then I’ll find someone else. I’m sure I can meet someone online. Fetlife? That’s a website for this kind of thing, right?” “Fine, I’ll do it.” He said suddenly, “But we do it my way. And certainly not on campus.” “Okay,” “Are you free tonight?” “You wanna get right into it?” “I want to discuss this further, off campus, to set some ground rules, and I think we’ll both be more comfortable discussing it over dinner.” “Dinner? Like a date?” “A business deal. Miss Y/L/N, if you can’t take this seriously,” “I can, I promise. Dinner where?” “Well, public places are out of the question. So you can come over to my house. Be there by Seven and make sure no one knows. Here’s the address,” “Thank you Professor,” Roger grunted as he scrawled his address on a scrap of paper, holding it out to you, “Go, out of my office before I come to my senses,” You nodded and scurried off, taking heart from the bemused tone behind his snippy words. In a matter of a few short months you’d be able to put this breakup behind you and show Dylan just how much he meant to you.

A few minutes before seven o’clock you rang Roger’s door bell, looking around at the long driveway and the tidy garden beds at the front of the house as you waited. He opened the door quickly and hurried you inside glancing around the front yard as if someone were spying on him. “I brought wine,” you said, holding the bottle out, “You’ve got a nice place,” “You sound surprised,” he said as he took your jacket from you and hung it on a coat rack to the side of the entrance before taking the wine with a gracious nod and examining the label, “Y’know being a university professor doesn’t actually pay too badly.” “Yeah but this place is massive,” He chucked, “I inherited a little from my Nan and Pop and then there was the album. That was enough to buy this place.” “Album?” “Oh, I was in a band in my youth, one mildly successful album and a couple of writing credits on the singles set me up nicely. Not nicely enough to retire on but still.” He shrugged as he led you through his sizeable house, up a set of stairs and towards the back balcony, “Plus, this place didn’t seem so big when I was sharing it with my ex-wife and our kids. Uhh, but that’s not what we’re here to discuss. Now, make yourself comfortable out here and I’ll just go check on the food.” You nodded, still trying to wrap your head around the sheer number of rooms and hallways you’d passed as well as the fact that your old Biology professor had once been in a band. It was hard considering you’d only ever seen him presenting lectures to an audience of tired and often hungover students but you supposed he did have a kind of magnetism that would have been at home on a stage. Still, you’d have liked to see pictures.  

Roger returned a few moments later with two plates of food, a couple of wine glasses tucked in the crook of his arm. You quickly reached to relieve him of something, before one of the glasses could shatter and put an end to all your plans. Though perhaps a broken glass would have helped break the ice. It wasn’t the most comfortable dinner you ever had. You found it hard to swallow, hard to sit still, torn between wanting to jump right to the main topic and wanting to let Roger bring it up in his own time. The last thing you wanted was to come across as just trying to get a leg over the hottest professor on campus as if for a dare or a joke. Him retracting his agreement was a very close second last. Instead, you gulped down your drink and tried to focus on the reasonably nice meal Roger had prepared for you. Finally, after watching you top up your glass for the third time, he put you out of your misery. “Why me?” “What?” “Why did you approach me with this idea of…tutoring?” “Like I said before, the rumours abo-” “Okay but there must have been something beyond that. There could have been rumours about any staff member. If the school gossip had said Professor Richardson had a sex dungeon where he tied up women and spanked them, would you have approached him?” “So you have heard the rumours,” “Of course I have. Answer the question,” You stalled by taking another drink, though only a sip that time, “No, I wouldn’t have.” “So, why me?” “You’re hot?” Roger gave you a look you’d seen in the classroom – his stop fucking around look, usually reserved for first years who still treated dissection and cadavers as a joke. You shrugged, “You’re one of the best teachers I ever had. You always said we could come to you with any problems we were having and whenever I took you up on that offer to go over the coursework you were encouraging and supportive and knew how to push me in the right direction without giving me all the answers. I guess I felt like I could trust you. Like you’d take me seriously or at least hear me out before shutting the door in my face. And if the rumours happened to be false then you seemed like the sort of person who wouldn’t be offended by them or my proposition.” Roger smiled to himself, but it was only for a few brief seconds and then his professional demeanour was back in place, “Alright, well, I’m listening now so why don’t you tell me about this ex and the sort of things he requested of you. And then I’ll decide whether to kick you off my property or not.” There was a twinkle in his eye that told you he wasn’t serious about throwing you out, but it didn’t stop you from feeling timid about the conversation, “Umm, okay. His name is Dylan. We were both in your Bachelor bio class, that’s how we met. Or kind of. We were aware of each other but went to different parties and hung out with different people. It wasn’t until last year that we actually met and got chatting and started seeing each other. I thought it was the real thing, like proper love, soulmate stuff. So when he broke up with me it took me completely by surprise. Everything felt perfect with him. Except for the sex.” You paused, feeling a little self-conscious about speaking so frankly about your personal life, and with your professor no less. Roger removed his spectacles and wiped them on the bottom of his shirt, “Ms Y/L/N, you’re going to have to be able to talk about sex with me if you actually want this to work.” “The sex was fucking great okay? Especially at the start. But the longer we went out the more he pushed for me to be submissive to him. He’d joke around about wanting to fuck me while I was asleep or mostly asleep, and he’d dirty talk by calling me his toy or saying that he owned me or sometimes about pimping me out to his friends. I indulged some of his ideas like when he wanted to be especially rough with me, pushing my head down into the mattress, pulling my hair, slapping me, things like that. And it was fun, but I never enjoyed it the same way he did and whenever he brought up the sleep stuff or if he tried to bend me over while I was cooking dinner I always stopped him. He’d laugh about it and say he was just joking but I guess he meant it more than I thought he did.” Roger remained quiet, watching you thoughtfully until he was sure you were finished, “If we did this what limits would you want in place?” “None. I want to be the perfect submissive for Dylan, I want to prove I can be whatever he wants.” Roger shook his head and put down his glass, “What was it you told Dylan when he suggested using you while you were in the middle of something or if he brought up the sleep stuff?” “I just told him no, I wasn’t into it or I was busy.” “Then that’s a limit. If you don’t want to do those things, that’s okay. Everyone has limits.” “But that’s the point. I need to learn how to be into those things so he’ll have me back. My limits are what made him leave.” Roger exhaled heavily though his nose, “Okay then, is there anything you would consider a turn off?” “I don’t know,” “Well I don’t believe that. I’m sure you have at least some idea of what you like and what you don’t.” “Yeah I guess I do but if I’m the submissive one then it doesn’t matter what I want. This is about Dylan and doing what he wants.” “Personally, I’m not big into feet stuff – toe sucking, foot jobs, anything like that – it just doesn’t appeal to me, whether I’m acting more dominant or more submissive, and I’ve made sure to tell every one of the women I’ve been with who hinted that they’d be into doing that kind of thing. A lot of women, in my experience at least, don’t like anal or things like knife play or scenes that feel violent or menacing.” He paused, watching your reactions, “From what you’ve just told me, it sounds like Dylan might be into free use and consensual non-consent so if either of those things sound like a turn off to you, you should let me know. Dylan will have limits of what he’s comfortable with and comfortable doing to others, I guarantee it. You need to make your limits known too. It’s all part of being in a D/S relationship and playing with any kind of BDSM type kink. The main rule we follow is safe, sane and consensual, and believe me, I will make sure we follow it during our lessons. So, is there anything you would consider a turn off or anything you wouldn’t want to do, even for Dylan?” “Can I think about it and get back to you?” “I suppose so. If it helps I can give you an idea of things I could teach you and you can tell me if any of them don’t feel right.” “Yeah, I think that would help,” “Alright umm, obviously because this is about what Dylan likes we should address consensual non-consent and free use at some point, but they would come later. Somnophilia too. I’d probably start with something easier or more common anyway. Spanking is nearly guaranteed, basic bondage methods – cuffs, ropes, that sort of thing – maybe some more extreme bondage too depending on how much you enjoyed the basic bondage. Ummm, choking, maybe some gags, tease and denial for sure. Any of that sounding too scary or intimidating or just not fun?” “They all sound okay I think, although some of them I haven’t heard of before.” “It’s a start at least. Of course, I would begin with the smaller kinks and work our way up to the more intense ones, and hopefully by that point we’ll both be more familiar with your limits and what you are interested in taking further.” “So, does that mean your agreeing to tutor me?” “I can definitely work with this.” “You mean it?” “Yes. Apparently I do.” He trailed his gaze over you for a moment, “How would you feel if I suggested we move this to the bedroom?” Your heart skipped a beat and you hoped your shock hadn’t shown on your face, “You want to start now?” “Sort of. What do we do at the beginning of a science experiment?” “Measure a control group,” “Exactly, you do a control before you mess with variables so you have something to measure them against. In this case, I think we’ll be able to tailor kinks to you better if I have some idea of what you enjoy during sex and what it takes to get you off. Is that okay?” “Yeah, of course, yeah. Makes sense.” “If you want to wait a couple of days we can,” “No, now’s as good a time as any. And the sooner we get into it all the better really.” Roger chuckled and stood, holding out his hand to help you out of your seat, “You’ve always been an enthusiastic student.”

Leaving your plates and glasses on the balcony table, Roger led you towards his bedroom. You wished you’d had a little more to drink, just to dull the sudden wave of nerves that had risen up. You were about to fuck a professor. Professor Taylor. It was a bizarre scenario you’d got yourself into and in an effort to distract yourself a little and calm down, you focused on his bedroom wall as he busied about closing curtains, eyes trained on a framed watercolour of a lake under some cherry blossom trees. “You like it?” “Huh? Oh, yeah, it’s pretty,” “I got that while I was in Japan a few years ago.” You nodded, not sure what to say next. “Are you okay?” You turned and found Roger much closer than he had been a moment before. “Are you sure you want to do this?” “Yes, sorry, just a bit nervous I guess. Feels kind of odd now that I’m actually here. If I’m being honest, I didn’t really expect you to agree to this.” “I did tell you your idea was insane. But that’s okay,” he slowly reached forward, his hand settling on your hip and gently tugging, encouraging you to step in closer, “It’s kind of weird for me too. So, we’ll go slow. And if you want to stop at any time we can.” You nodded, eyes glued to Roger, and let your tongue wet your lips. His eyes followed the movement, “Does that mean you want to kiss me?” There was a playfulness to his voice, teasing almost, and you found yourself relaxing and agreeing that you did. And for the first time you realised just what it meant for those rumours to be true. “So then kiss me.”

                                                     ****** 

A kiss you could do. Pushing aside the realisation that this was your first kiss since Dylan left, you leaned in and pressed your lips to Roger’s, though you pulled away quickly. Roger didn’t say anything, just waited, lips lightly parted. Your heart was racing with excitement and uncertainty, but you wanted more. He welcomed your lips the second time they met his, his hand gripping your hip harder now that he was certain you were going to stay. It was almost needy the way he kissed back, something you’d not have expected from your Professor. His nose bumped yours and yet he didn’t seem to care, leaning further into you, his tongue tickling your lip seconds before you felt it slide against your own tongue. Familiar but entirely different from the kisses you were used to. His hands didn’t move like Dylan’s did, not grabbing but gently squeezing, reassuringly firm. His leg was suddenly between yours and you took a step back in surprise. Roger followed so you took another and another until you felt the edge of the bed behind you. Dylan and your nerves almost entirely forgotten, you reached for Roger’s belt. He let you unbuckle it and pull it loose before he grabbed the hem of your shirt and lifted it over your head, kissing you between looks heavy with desire. He broke away for a moment and toed off his shoes, bending to take his socks off too, “So, is there anything you particularly like, any positions?” You copied his movements, kicking your own shoes just under the bed, “Not really. I can work with whatever.” “Stop trying to please me and tell me what you like Ms Y/L/N,” he said, reaching for your hips again so he could push your jeans down. “I mean I guess I like being on top, riding, whatever you want to call it.,” you quickly unhooked your bra and let it drop to the floor, “But Dylan tended to like me under him.” “New rule,” Roger said, kicking his own pants off his ankle as you tugged his shirt from his shoulders, “No talking about your ex when we’re this close to being naked. Okay?” “Yeah, sorry, good rule.” “Y’know I could have taken your bra off too,” “Faster this way,” “I’ll let you have it this time. But next time I unwrap you myself.” You shivered at the implications of the statement as Roger resumed the kiss and pressed you backwards onto the mattress, quickly climbing on top of you, his hands braced on each side of your head as he leaned down to kiss you once more, hungrily.

He didn’t stay there long though. A few seconds later he’d shimmied down your body, creating a trail of kiss warmed skin, until his face was positioned directly above your breasts. You raised your head and watched enraptured as he his eyes met yours, the hint of a mischievous grin lighting up his face, and then he lowered his lips to the top of your left breast. You let your head drop back to the bed and ached your back a little, pushing your chest towards him. “Yeah, you like that?” he asked, voice rougher than you’d ever heard it before, “what if I do this?” slowly he let his teeth sink into you, just for a second. It was enough to pull a small hum of appreciation from you so he repeated the action on your right breast. “Feels good?” “Yeah,” you breathed out, softly. “Yeah?” he asked, pushing himself up so he was straddling your waist, “What about this?” You felt his warm breath surround your nipple before you felt his tongue lap against it or his lips enclose it, letting your eyes slip shut as you drew your lip between your teeth. He seemed to appreciate the response and made sure to repeat the action a few times against each nipple, sucking on one as his gently flicked the other with his thumb. You tingled at the sensation of his warm saliva cooling and gently squeezed your legs together. “Don’t be shy,” he said, sitting up again and laying a hand over each of your breasts, “I can tell you enjoy it when I play with your tits,” You pulled in a shaky breath as he squeezed your breasts, “Mmhmm, yeah,” “Do you want some more?” “Yes, Professor,” He made a short clicking sound with his tongue, “I think we’re past Professor by now, you can call me Roger. And you can tell me what you want,” “I want more,” “More what?” You hummed again at the feeling of him massaging your boobs. “More what? Should I keep sucking on your perky fucking tits? Jesus they’re so fucking soft,” he cleared his throat and shook his head a little, “Or, should I give some other part a bit of attention? Your pussy’s probably feeling a bit left out, huh?” You’d expected him to boss you around, make demands, and you’d expected a bit of dirty talk (the kind where he’d tell you how sexy you looked or that he couldn’t wait to fuck you). But the reality surpassed everything you’d considered likely. You certainly hadn’t expected to get wet just from his tone and his words. And you definitely hadn’t expected to be doing what he asked, agreeing with everything he said. But that’s exactly what was happening, and it felt good. “Please touch my pussy.” “It would be my pleasure,” he smiled softly as he climbed off of your waist and pulled your underwear down, “and yours.”

The change of position gave you a moment to catch your breath but also to take in Roger’s appearance properly. You had to admit you liked what you saw. Of course, you already knew he was attractive. More than once you’d found yourself distracted in class, mind on what a cute bum he had or how shapely his hands were or else on his fluffy hair, light blonde but with streaks of grey blended throughout. He was the epitome of the hot teacher really, especially with his gravelly voice and the youthful sparkle of his eyes, magnified by his usual pair of glasses. What you hadn’t seen before, and what you were revelling in now, was his naked torso. There were muscles in his arms, not Hollywood style bulging biceps and you’d certainly never have noticed them under the sleeves of his work shirts, but they were revealed as he shifted his position and you had the sudden urge to reach out and squeeze them. A light fuzz of hair covered his chest, though it was so light it was barely visible, and a marginally thicker thatch of it trailed down into his underwear. And in between was his stomach, the years of fatherhood evidenced by how it softly protruded out over the hem of his underwear. Once, a few years ago, someone had found a photo of Professor Taylor taken in the 90s when he was twenty-something and, thanks to the university meme facebook page and a few students with near influencer levels of followers, just about the whole school had seen it and had wet dreams about it. He’d been stick thin then, eyes ringed by dark grungy eyeliner, long messy hair falling about his face, and his plaid shirt unbuttoned. The Roger settling beside you now was miles away from that boy but you liked his current look, from his shorter hair to his rounder body, though he seemed to have the same skinny legs. “What are you thinking about?” he asked as he propped himself up on his elbow to look you over. “This is…better than I thought it would be,” “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” “No, that’s not what I meant. I don’t know, I just...I could never picture it before, actually being with you. But you’ve made it feel easy and, well not normal, but y’know, not too strange either.” “So you’ve been liking it so far?” “Mmhmm, it’s felt really good,” “Good, that’s what I want to hear. But,” your breath hitched as you felt his fingers stroke between your legs, “experiments not done yet.” He watched his hand as it moved, his fingers sliding between your lips, spreading the wetness that had begun to pool with his earlier attentions. Each shift of his fingers pulled soft sighs and small ohs from you as the pleasure began to slowly build and you pulled him down into another kiss, wanting to feel him closer. He eased the first finger into you gradually, whispering questions about how it felt and if you were ready for more. You’d have expected his constant quizzing to be annoying but he peppered them between comments about making you feel good and dirty talk about getting you ready for his cock as he pulled your hand over to his crotch to give him some small relief. And somehow everything just seemed to turn you on more, his obvious desire to make sure you were comfortable included. You barely registered when he added the second finger, pumping both into you rhythmically as he delicately sucked at your pulse point, though you knew the third was coming, a response to your pleas for more. You’d meant his dick really, ready to move things along but he’d been adamant about making sure you were properly stretched out, not relenting until he’d fit four fingers inside you. “Fo-four?” you whimpered as he pressed the last one into you, “Three not enough?” “Just to be on the safe side. My cock is about average length but its girthy,” “I – oh Roger – It feels huge to me,” “Please, I’m 46, I know it’s not the biggest thing in the world. But I also know it doesn’t need to be to fuck you so right.” You weren’t sure how to reply though he didn’t give you many options, jerking his fingers inside you and making you moan. “I know there are nerves involved which can impact how wet you get and I don’t want to do anything that would cause you pain or discomfort, so I’m going to finger you until I’m ready to stop. You can beg all you want but I won’t fuck you until I decide you can handle it.” Even that was hot though you weren’t exactly sure why, but whatever it was you found yourself nodding in agreement, staring at him through eyes half lidded with pleasure.

When Roger was satisfied that you were ready for more than his fingers, he pulled them from you and got to his knees, shuffling around to rummage through his bedside cabinet. A moment later you realised why as he kicked off his underwear and tore open a condom. You watched as he rolled it down his shaft, noting he’d described himself quite accurately. “Sorry,” he said as he caught your eye, “did you want to do that?” “No, that’s okay,” you chuckled, “just that Dylan never liked to wear them,” “Hey, we have a rule remember. And this is the first time I’m fucking one of my students, I’m not doing it raw, are you kidding?” “Sorry. And yeah, you’re probably right to use one.” “Hey, this is just the control remember. Condoms are a variable we can change later.” You laughed at that and nodded as Roger squirted some lube into his palm and began stroking himself, letting out small groans at the contact. “Are you going to fuck me yet or is there something else I have to wait for?” “Careful Ms Y/L/N, you know I don’t tolerate that kind of attitude.” He smiled as he crawled over you again, catching your lips quickly before he sat back on his heels and pushed your legs wide. With a final look, as if to give you a chance to end things before they went any further, he lined himself up and pressed himself into you. You gasped as he filled you easily, bottoming out. “God you feel good,” he panted, “are you okay? Can I move?” “Yeah,” you nodded, “please move.” He breathed out a small sigh as he pulled his hips back and snapped them forward again, finding a rhythm. As he got more comfortable in the moment, Roger leaned over you again, pushing his face between your breasts and laving your skin with his tongue. He rediscovered the spots he’d found earlier, humming around your nipples and squeezing your boobs as he thrust into you. “Feel good?” “Yeah,” “You close yet?” “Not really.” “That’s alright,” he said softly as he readjusted his position, sitting back and lifting your legs over his shoulders. You felt the angle change as he fucked into you harder than before, his pace a little faster, “Play with your tits for me.” You didn’t hesitate to do as he asked, panting in sync with his thrusts as he dropped his fingers to your clit, rubbing in tight circles, forcing more moans and whines from your throat. “That’s right, tell me how good it is to be spread out under your professor, full of my hard cock. Christ you’re so fucking tight. Why didn’t I fuck you sooner?”.” You let your moans pick up a little as he ploughed into you, willing yourself to reach your climax. “Yeah? You like that. Are you close now?” “Uh-” “So no.” “Sorry, i-it just takes a while usually. I could f-fake it if you wa-nt to stop.” “No!” his voice sounded strained as he stilled inside you, “This is about getting you off and I will keep fucking you even if it takes all night for you to cum. I just need to readjust again.” Your laugh became a small whine as he pulled out of you and rolled you over so you were on top of him, “what are you-?” “Ride me. You said you like being on top so ride me,” You smiled and pressed your lips to his quickly before settling yourself over him and carefully sinking down into place. As you took him as deep as you could you halted a moment to enjoy the sensation of being full again, gently rocking your hips as you braced your hands on Roger’s chest. He held your gaze as he slipped two fingers into his mouth, pulling them out when they were dripping with saliva. He pressed them together with his thumb before bringing the wet digits to your right nipple, massaging it until you arched your back and tilted your head backwards. There was no way to resist any longer and you raised yourself on your knees before sinking back down, grunting as he hit just the right spot. “Better?” he grunted. “Mhmm,” you managed to get out before a moan, once again lifting and dropping yourself. You settled into the flow of it, the movement of your hips and the way you pulsed around him as you took him harder and faster, feeling the pleasure build and build and build. Until Roger’s voice, cracking with the effort, broke through your concentration. “Fuck, I’m close, I’m close. I’m gonna cum,” “Okay,” you said, not sure what else you could say, a little disappointed that it was going to be over before you could finish. So much for all night, though you supposed he’d only said that to help you relax and finish faster. At least it was hot watching him unravel beneath you, his grunts and groans loud and shameless, his hips spasming under yours. You waited until he was done, eyes closed and chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to regain control of his breathing, and then lifted yourself to dismount him. Or you would have, except you felt his hands grab you by the hips and press you down again. “Your turn,” he said it so earnestly, no hint of the dominant teasing from earlier or any egotistical overconfidence, that you found yourself agreeing immediately, shocked into doing what he was guiding you to. You raised your hips again, let him pull you back down hard and before long you’d found your rhythm again. He let go of your hip, moving the hand to messily rub your clit as you shifted a little, changing the angle by a fraction. It was enough to have you careening towards the edge, even as Roger pulled air through his teeth as the extra stimulation. “So close,” you muttered before he could ask, eyes shut, intent on your mission. “C’mon, cum on my cock, show me how good it feels,” You nodded unthinkingly as he encouraged you, feeling it just out of reach until finally the familiar warmth washed over you, a long moan slipping from between your lips as you swivelled your hips, prolonging the orgasm as long as you could. “There you go, good girl.”

                                                      ******

Roger gasped as you climbed off him and carefully removed his condom to throw it out. “I could have done that,” “You did enough.” He was smiling when you turned back to face him and beckoned you over to join him on the bed once more, pressing a kiss to your jaw and the corner of your mouth before he found your lips again. You sighed against him, lost in the blissful warmth of the moment. “I’ll do it. I’ll tutor you,” Roger said after some time, his arm draped over your side, your faces inches from each other. “You mean it?” “Yes.” “Because I’m a hot shag?” He let out an exhale of laughter, “Because I would rather you learnt about that kind of stuff from someone like me than some random on the internet who thinks that being dominant means being cruel or causing pain. At least I can make sure you approach things from a healthy angle with your own enjoyment in mind as much as your ex’s.” “Thank you. So…when do we start?” “Give me a few days to plan out some lessons, put together a curriculum.” “Oh, so it’s going to be like proper tutoring then.” “You’re the one that came to a teacher about this.” “Fair enough.” You would have happily stayed there longer and you later wondered if Roger would have let you had an alarm on his phone not gone off, a reminder to put his bins out for collection in the morning. He frowned as he realised the time and glanced at you. The piercing melody had brought the reality of the situation back to both of you. “I guess that means I should leave, right?” Roger sat up and scooted a little further away from you, “Yes, you probably should.” He paused for a moment, “No one can know about this.” “I know, I understand. It’s our secret.” He pulled in a breath, “Exactly, our secret. Do you need me to call you a cab?” “No, it’s fine, I drove here.” “Okay. Well, why don’t we get dressed and I’ll walk you out.” “Are you okay with this? If you really don’t want to teach me, I’d understand.” “No I want to. More than I should.” “That’s okay. No one will know and we’ll do things your way, whatever you think is best.” “My way,” he muttered to himself, “Yes. Exactly. Okay. Um, tell you what,” he swung his legs out of the bed and bent forward to retrieve the underwear he’d discarded earlier, pulling them up under cover of the corner of the bed sheet, “I will grab my things and go collect our dishes from dinner. You can stay here and get changed and then when you’re ready to go, come find me in the kitchen, okay Ms Y/L/N?” “Sounds great, Professor Taylor.” He nodded at you once more before he left, bending to collect his pants and shirt on his way. You waited a minute or so, mind racing with the events of the evening and the promise of what would be coming, before you too stood and began to redress.

When you felt sufficiently tidy you stepped out into the hallway and headed in the direction you hoped led to the kitchen. Roger was there, redressed and hardly looking like he’d just got out of bed, leaning against the bench, eyes out of focus. When you arrived though his head jerked around towards your movement. “All good?” he asked, “got everything?” “Yeah, think so.” “Well,” he said, leading you towards the front door, “it was great having you. Over. Having you over. I’m glad we could come to an agreement.” “It was great for me too Professor.” “I will see you in class on Monday, don’t forget about that reading you’re meant to do.” “Got it. Um, can I ask about my next tutoring session, when would that be?” “I will talk to you about it after class on Monday if that’s okay.” “Absolutely, whatever works for you Professor.” He opened the door, standing on his side of the entrance as you stepped outside, “Right, well. Goodnight Ms Y/L/N,” “Goodnight Roger,” you said, quickly leaning in to kiss his cheek, “and thank you.” He still looked a little stunned as you got into your car, wondering just what you’d got yourself into.

[myhoneststudyblr]

I often get asked for tips on various aspects of creating a studyblr and then how to grow it! It can be really daunting before you start if you don’t know how to go about it or what to post - I remember really wanting to create one for months before I actually built up the courage to make one.

This post is hopefully going to make this easier for you and give you the tips you need to get the best out of your blog!

Disclaimer: this is quite long! i wanted to make it as detailed as possible and it kinda got away from me XD

What is a studyblr?

study + tumblr = studyblr

A studyblr is a tumblr blog that posts anything associated with studying.

These blogs are part of the ‘studyblr community’, which is an online community of students who share their love for studying, stationery and their current lessons and study tips.

Why should you create a studyblr?

There are honestly so many reasons why i think that studyblrs are an amazing thing and why i can’t see myself leaving this community any time soon! here are some of my personal experiences:

1. i want to study! i have always been a very conscientious student and i have always worked very hard but i’m going to be completely honest with you and say that a lot of the time, particularly as i’ve been getting older, it has been a real struggle to get the motivation to do work. since i’ve started my studyblr, i’ve noticed a real increase in my desire to work because i want to have new things to post and talk about. it acts as a sort of outside external motivator!

2. my studying has got more interesting! when i say this, i don't mean the content. i’ve learnt so many new techniques and ways to organise my work that each set of notes that i do is different and i don’t feel like i’m doing the same thing every day!

3. my notes and handwriting have got neater! if you follow me, you might have seen a post from me a while back where i talked about my insecurity about my handwriting because i was *always* the person with the messy handwriting™. unfortunately, i am a perfectionist and i really wanted to have neat handwriting and notes. so my studyblr - because i wanted my posts to look good - made me spend more time focusing on the appearance of my notes and forcing me to slow down (this had been my main problem). now i can see a huge difference and i’ve reached a place where, even though my handwriting will never be the perfect font-like handwriting, it is noticeably neater and more consistent and i now love my pretty and unique handwriting

4. incredible advice about everything studying related! no matter where you are from, or what you study, it is possible to find advice about something that is relevant to you! people in studyblr are going through or have gone through everything you have and they give incredible advice on some many different things, from college applications and how to study a certain subject, to book recommendations and notetaking tips. but there are also plenty of tips on lifestyle and self-care, which are invaluable. even if you can’t find a post that helps you, you can always send someone an ask or a message and they’ll always try to help you out!

5. my mental health has got better and the community has helped me through so tough times! being a student today is hard and keeping your mental health in a good place can seem even harder. but i personally have found the studyblr community really helpful with this because i don’t feel so i alone. i know that there are so many mutuals and blogs that i follow that are going through similar things and i know i could always reach out to them for anything. i’ve also become less hard on myself and give myself significantly less impossible goals since i started studyblr

6. you will meet some incredible people. this was something that i wasn’t really expecting because when i started my blog i thought i would get 100 followers *max*. instead, i have been completely embraced by the community and have had some amazing conversations with people i know genuinely consider to be my friends. it is so easy to meet like-minded people who just want to support each other!

these are just the most important benefits that I've experienced with my own studyblr journey and there are so many more!!!

The 5 Basic First Steps

1. create a blog

if you are seeing this post i assume that you already have a blog! maybe you don't but luckily for you its very easy to create one. the main think you need to think about is whether you want to create a primary or secondary blog! you can find the differences between these here!

2. choose a URL/blog name

your username can be pretty much anything and can be a good way to show your personality, your likes or dislikes, or your goal for your studyblr! you can get really creative with your username and though most are, it doesn't have to be study/studyblr related.

here’s are some ideas that you could use when coming up with a username:

Your name or nickname

Favourite subject or your degree

Your dream job

Role models or fictional characters

Stationery

Brand names

Study utilities

Your favourite study snacks

COFFEE (this is very popular with many studyblrs... i wonder why?)

Your favourite animal

Basically, it can be anything! and don’t worry, if you decide later that you don’t like the name or you come up with soemthing better, you can always change it

3. choose a theme

this can seem like a very daunting task if you are completely new to tumblr but don’t worry! there are plenty of options and you can play around with this until you get what you want!

mobile theme: this is usually just changing the colours to fit with what you like and the mood of your blog

desktop theme: this is where it gets interesting! your desktop blog usually looks much more unique compared to mobile and you can add various different pages and really get it to look professional. there are so many different incredible themes that you can find that are free to use and can be customised slightly to fit your blog (there are also paid themes). you can also make your own theme (but i know nothing about this so i can’t really offer advice for that!)

4. find an avatar/icon

i personally think icons are really important because they can often be how people begin to recognise your blog when they see it on their dashboard and it can be a glimpse into what people expect

you can just use a normal picture for this: for example of your notes or something that relates to your URL or blog (eg a coffee cup)

however, you can also make your own from scratch! you can create your own icon using applications like Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Illustrator, Canva or Word/Pages. i personally used canva to make my icon (as well as all my banners for posts) and it is really easy to use and best of all is free! there are also people who have made icons for you to use (as long as you give credit) or will make them for you (sometimes for a small fee)

5. find some studyblrs to follow

this is probably the easiest step! if you know about studyblr, you probably already know a few blogs! just go through their blogs and see who they reblog or you can search through the #studyblr tag. i am also always happy to give recommendations of my favourites blogs (of which there are too many to count) or can try to recommend blogs that i know who study the same thing as you/are at the same level of study or are from the same country

Introduction Posts

i am a big believer in studyblr introduction posts! i think they are the best way to meet people when you are just starting and are the way that you get people to notice and interact with your blog.

what should you put in a studyblr introduction post?

your name or a nickname so people know what to call you

your pronouns

where you are from

your age

what you study

what level of study are you at (high school, uni etc.)

your hobbies and passions

why you made your studyblrs

what your goals are

tag some of your studyblr inspirations! (this is quite important because they will probably reblog the post and more people can discover your blog

these are just some suggestions and you don't have to include all of them if you are comfortable with sharing certain things!

if you want some examples of these posts, have a look through the #studyblr introduction tag! on my blog you can find that here!

What to Post

the beauty of studyblr is that you can pretty much post whatever you want and you will find a place in the community!

i love reblogging posts that come on my dashboard that i love or stuff from my mutuals! however, it is also really important to post your own original content because this allows people to get to know you and is probably the best way to grow your blog!

here are some ideas for what to post:

pictures of your notes

pictures of your current book

pictures of your annotations

pictures of your desk/study space

pictures of your food/ study snack

pictures of your drink/coffee

pictures of your favourite cafe

pictures of nature

pictures of your handwriting

text posts about something funny that happened in school/class/uni/your life

text posts about what is going on in your life

text posts about what is on your mind

texts posts where you share your journey completing a particular goal

text posts where you share your plan for the day

study guides

advice posts

self-care and lifestyle tips

essentially, it is whatever you want and whatever works for you!

When to Post

you should post whenever works for you! i know for a lot of people (myself included) most of the time you do not have time to post every day because that is a big commitment and that is absolutely ok!

when i first started, i thought that i had to post every day and it was a lot fo pressure! it was basically impossible to keep up because not only was it taking up a decent amount of my evening editing and posting my notes but also i didn't actually have enough material available to post! a studyblr should never get in the way of your schoolwork so try to fit it around this! post when you have time!

if you do want to have a more consistent posting schedule, there is a feature that allows you to schedule posts! so, say you have a bunch of free time on the weekend, you could schedule all the posts for the week ahead of time!

i would also recommend building up a queue for reblogs because this means that you again have some consistency in posts and you have new stuff quite regularly! (i personally always have a huge queue)

How to Grow Your Studyblr

the main thing i want to stay is that you should not be too worried about how many followers you have or how many notes your posts get because it really is unpredictable! i’ve had posts that have got crazy amounts of notes and i literally expected them to get hardly any and vice versa! i have no idea how the tumblr algorithm works so you just have to try and post for yourself!

that said, i know that it is really nice to have people interact and appreciate your posts so here are 3 quick tips:

use popular studyblr tags. these include #studyblr, #notes, #studyspo. you could also tag the stationery that you used, what subject it is and what level you at are (eg #high school or #uni)

tag other studyblrs. many studyblrs track certain tags and if you want them to see what you've posted and they will often reblog your post! i personally track the tag #myhoneststudyblr. you can find a post i made a while ago with some studyblr’s and their tags here! (note: this may be slightly out of date)

try and have a relatively consistent ‘look’ to your posts. you don’t have to follow a specific aesthetic but having some consistency in your posts can help people recognise your stuff. i personally keep my pictures of my notes very clutter-free (often just the notes and the pen i used) and bright. however, you can definitely switch things up if you want!

How to Get Involved in the Community

There are so many different ways that you can do this! Here are some of the best ways in my opinion!

send asks and messages to people!

i highly recommend sending asks to people, for example, if they reblog an ask game post or even just asking for some advice because they will start to recognise you as someone who is engaged with their blog and you could also learn something new about one of your favourite studyblrs!

messages are also a great, slightly more personal, way to interact with people. it can be as simple as messaging people to tell them you love their blog, or again asking them for some advice. if they do a post about a test or exam that they have coming up, you could even message them good luck or ask how it went. i have had some amazing conversations with people through messages and it is a great way to meet new people

just a reminder: always be respectful and polite in messages and asks to ensure that the community remains positive

reblog posts with a comment on their posts!

(or just add a comment, although this could be confusing if your studyblr is a side blog so just be warned)

this is a really nice way to let people know you’ve seen their post and it is always nice to give feedback. a comment can be as simple as: i love your handwriting! or good luck in that test! but that simple message reaching out it so nice to get! also, reblogging is really helpful to blogs because it means more people see the post

join a challenge!

ok, so i’ve had this blog for about a year and a half now and i had a pretty decent amount of followers (which i seriously do not understand XD) but i never got the same amount of interaction and involvement in the studyblr community until i created my #2020 quarantine challenge (click here if you wanna find out about this). i would get reblogs and likes on posts but i don’t think that i used to get nearly as much interaction with my posts with people leaving comments and stuff. furthermore, although i had blogs where we were technically mutuals, i didn’t really have mutuals like i do know where we actively keep in touch and check out each other’s posts all the time and stuff and that is honestly the nicest thing

challenges mean that you are most likely posting every day (or at the very least pretty regularly if you cannot manage every day) and this is good because you post lots of new content for people to discover. another great thing is that there is usually a tag that you can search for and scroll through and find others who are doing the challenge alongside you. the person who created the challenge also probably checks the tag out every few days and reblogs the posts

for these reasons, i cannot highlight how amazing challenges are for interaction and getting involved in the community!

The Golden Rule of Studyblr

🚨 ALWAYS BE POLITE AND FRIENDLY 🚨

probably my favourite thing about the studyblr community - and i know many others share this opinion - is that is such a friendly and welcoming place. it of course has its problems but this is a place whose ultimate aim is to support each other through our studying journeys! we are all here because we wanted to find likeminded people who we can make friends with and share our lives! therefore it is really important that we always try and lift each other up because you never know what someone is going through

Summary

there are lots of benefits to starting a studyblr so you definitely should!

it’s good to make your blog look nice and clean!

studyblr introductions are very important to start your blog off!

post what you like when you like!

tagging can be a great way to grow your blog!

don't focus too much on the number of notes you get or how many followers you have!

send asks and messaging, reblogging and commenting on other people’s posts and joining challenges are all great ways to get involved in the community!

we are all here to support one another so always be polite and friendly!

Other Resources

From Me

here is an answer to an ask i received about starting a studyblr (here is another one)

here is an answer to an ask i received about editing photos

From others

A Beginner’s Guide to Starting a Studyblr by @eintsein​

12 Step Guide to Starting and Running a Studyblr by @emmastudies​

How to Start a Studyblr by @caffeineandcoding​

Advice for New Studyblrs by @studyquill​

Starting a Studygram by @studyrellablr​ (many of the tips are the same for studyblr)

I hope this was helpful to any new studyblrs and even existing ones! As always i am always happy to answer asks and messages about and give any advice! If anyone else has any tips or tricks, please add them below!!!

[masterzholtan]

On the subject of Happiness 3

"Crazy as it sounds you won't feel as low as you feel right now"

I haven't written in this for years and I hate my handwriting so a diary has never appealed to me aside from that one summer I had no internet and played Pokémon Ruby for 6 weeks straight and wrote down how much I hated my parents for not paying the bill.

It's been a mad old journey and I've just reread the posts below about 2016 being amazing and my summer of freedom after the abuse id taken in the years prior, I gushed about joining University and here I am with a First Class Honours degree in Computer Science and a fucking gaming industry job that treats me so well. Look at how far we've come Andy.

I've not thought about what order to write stuff down in in this but I guess I wanna start near the top as in the reason I remembered this little diary existed. I met a person and they fill my heart with such joy and happiness, they are hilarious and beautiful, and together we're really going to take on the world and show others what love looks like. We are perfect for eachother, she told me she loved me and I'd never thought about that ever being a possibility again after all I've been through, I have my moments where I struggle (thanks for that youknowwho) with realising that it's real, and she does actually have these feelings for me and wants to spend time with me, touch me, treat me, laugh with me. And that's why I'm writing in this because a few nights ago she showed me she wrote about me in her diary and it was a real sweet thing to be let in to something so private for her. I can't remember what she wrote exactly because I wanted to read it quick and give back this tome of her thoughts and feelings of times passed, but the one thing that got me was how she described me as "The man she wants to spend her life with" or words to that affects and I've never been so honoured to hear that. In fact I don't think I've ever heard that from any partner before, always the giver and never the taker. She is not like that. I truly love her and trust her. I'm confident that we are it and that makes me so happy.

It's funny how these thoughts of my new partner came racing through my head at Download 22 just past as Biffy Clyro once again make me cry with Machines. The song that soundtracks my depression and anxiety for all these years and with my friends arms around me again as i weep to Simon Neil for I think the 6th or 7th time. I think of this blog so many years ago, I think of that summer of 2016 where I found myself and learnt myself, I think of the time at Uni, I think of the emotional and physical abuse, I think of being sick every morning for a year, I think of how sorry I am that i couldnt support the friends and partners that have come to pass.

I think of where I was and where I am now.

My friends haven't changed since I love them all as much as I do if not more than ever, they all love me still despite how annoying I am. Like a little chihuahua of excitement I am. But I think their tolerance for me will withstand a lifetime

I can't think much else to write. I'm still me, I still celebrate December 15th every year and will continue to do so, I was about to write about antidepressants and how it'd been so long, but I got back on them 2019-2020 and couldn't get my prescription when lockdown started so it's been about 2 years since, I had some private counselling in 2021 and 2 quick sessions this year because of how I was struggling to deal with Isolation, grief and eating which I told no one about except if you're blessed enough to read this

I can't say anyone is ever truly happy because our wants and needs change but I am getting pretty fucking close you know xx

[swordofpevensie]

Anything I Do, I Know You’re Gonna Watch 

[Chapter • I]

warnings: academic rivals to lovers, set in 1946, peter x you, strict family, mentions of nervousness, stress, war, uni students (equal of stress actually), both peter and you study medicine because i love the idea of peter being a doctor, i emphasize peter was a king a lot (because like,, why not?).

a/n: i strongly needed an academic rivals to lovers fic with peter, so i wrote it myself eheh. i don't know how long it will be or how frequently i'll share because uni is literally crushing me. anyways, wow i am so excited to share this with you. there might be mistakes as english is not my native language, feel free to correct me please. also, i checked the oxford's website to get the info about uni & lecture. still, if there is something wrong, please inform me. i sincerely hope you like it, please tell me what you think. ♡

word count: 1067.

playlist: (yes, as i'm so excited that i even made a playlist)

oh johnny, oh johnny, oh! • the andrew sisters

campus • vampire weekend

heartburn • wafia

collide • tianamajor9, earthgang

you haunt me • sir sly

killer queen • fil bo riva

willow • taylor swift

d is for dangerous • arctic monkeys

tear you apart • she wants revenge

are you gonna be my girl • jet

braindead! • yungblud

greek god • conan gray (the song that gave the story its title)

tighten up • the black keys

achilles come down • gang of youths

library pictures • arctic monkeys

anna sun • walk the moon

everybody talks • neon trees

hey now • the regrettes

rumors • sabrina claudio, zayn

lover i don't have to love • bright eyes

you always hurt the one you love • the mills brothers

C H A P T E R • I

You took a deep breath before entering the classroom. It was the first class of the first day of your first year in the university and you felt very nervous and excited at the same time.

You were nervous because university was something new in your life and you had so many worries such as if you would find someone to be friends with, if you would be successful, if you would something embarrassing, if your professor would like you or not.

However you were excited because as a person who liked learning, you looked forward to attend to your classes and meet all of the new subjects waiting to be learnt. You had worked so hard to be there, in this university and in front of this classroom door, and finally being there felt amazing.

You took a step and entered the classroom. It was noisy and already crowded. It was a normal classroom, not a amphitheater one. You shortly looked around and saw a empty seat which was behind a crowded boy group. You walked towards there, trying to stay calm and not look at them. Your mother warned you very seriously and strictly about not getting closer with boys. She wanted you to be successful, not more. Boys were distraction according to her and she never wanted you hear that you got closer with a boy.

You sit and put your bag to the seat next to you. You took your notebook and pen out and started waiting for professor to come.

“Hey, isn't it Pevensie?” You heard a boy in front of you speaking.

“It really is.” Another boy replied. “I am surprised that he is here. I heard he couldn't afford the fees.”

“He probably got a scholarship. Don't you remember such a big nerd he was?”

“Ugh,” The boy said. “He was unbearable. I bet he hasn't changed. Probably still a caring brother everyone appreciates and the best student every teacher adores.” Although the words he used was in fact good, it was clear from his voice that he was mocking.

You frowned. Why did they talk about him in that way? Why did that Pevensie do? You look at the door that the boys were looking.

You saw a tall and broad shouldered boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. He wore a white shirt with dark brown trousers. His boots were also brown. His black coat was on his arm. He had a leather messenger bag hanging on his shoulder. He looked just like any boy in the classroom, except for the fact that there was something strange in the way he walked and stood. His steps were slow, however his walking made him seem strong. When he first stood up looking for a place to sit, you saw that he stood very upright, his chin was up a little bit. Nothing about him was underestimating, his eyes didn't look others in that way. But he just seemed strong, in a weird way that you had to gaze at him to figure out.

Then you realized what you were doing and looked directly to your notebook. You thought he didn't see you but he did. He smiled to himself but fastly stopped and went to sit to the empty chair which was away from yours. It was the only empty chair left, otherwise, he would like to sit near you and find out the reason behind your curious looks.

Thankfully, the professor came and started talking. The whole class was silent now. You focused on the professor and every word she said, sometimes took notes down. She introduced herself, the lecture, and said she'd start although this is the first day.

The subject was about the relationship between patients and doctors and the professor asked how the relationship should be in general.

You and he raised hands immediately. You were so excited and ready to answer because you spent your holiday with studying beforehand for the lectures. You went to libraries, read everything you found related to your courses.

He was quicker than you, so professor chose him to speak.

“Peter Pevensie,” He introduced himself.

“Yes, Mr. Pevensie,”

His answer didn't last too long but he expressed his opinions easily and quickly. You noticed he spoke somehow wisely and as if someone asked him to give advice. You couldn't understand why he spoke like this but then you thought you were paying attention to him so much. Therefore you took a short breath and focused on the professor again.

After he was done, you raised your hand and the professor let you speak.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” After introducing yourself, you started to express your opinions, which were the opposite of what Peter said. You thought doctors could be emotional and friends with their patients while Peter said doctors must be logical and distant.

He turned his head and looked at you, watched you as you spoke. He liked that there was someone he could compete with and share his ideas, also argue. He liked to argue because he thought arguing respectfully was a way that someone can improve themselves.

After you finished, three more students began to speak however Peter didn't pay attention because he still was watching you and analyzing you. He carefully looked at your clothes, how you kept shaking your leg, how you kept notes and listened very carefully. He was glad that there was somebody he could try to be friends with but above all, compete and beat. That was an old habit of him, competing and beating.

Like they said, the leopard can't change its spots.

Throughout the lecture, you and he constantly raised your hands, spoke, and listened very attentively. Everything you and he said opposed each other. At some point, you thought he did that on purpose, maybe he was objecting to your ideas deliberately just to annoy you. But then you thought why would someone at your age do such thing? You decided to not care at all. You weren't supposed to think about anyone, you were supposed to think about your lessons.

That was what you were thinking when the class was over and you were leaving the classroom to go and buy a coffee.

On the other hand, Peter was thinking about you, but he had some plans. Plans that included defeating you and being the best in the department.

okay, okay, it really happened. i finished writing. oh god i am so excited about this fic! please tell me what you think. i hope you enjoy reading!

love, andrea. ♡

[annetteblog]

Intro & My take on KM

Hi!

I’m new around here so it’s supposed to be (not so short) introduction, since I don’t know how to start a blog heh. I hope to sprinkle my 0.5 cents into the KM conversation and maybe to bring a new perspective from someone, who is not a part of the typical English-speaking West.

Who /the hell/ Am I?  

(please, consider it to be said with NJ’s voice from Intro: Persona :D)

I was born in Siberia (it’s in the Asian part of Russia), currently live in the European part of the country while studying at a Uni (European in terms of geography, not in terms of everything else i’m definitely not shading rn lolllll). English is not my first language, I’ve just kind of learnt it to some extent. Due to this it takes me more time to write a post; and I may (and will) make some grammatical & other mistakes. Plus I’m lazy AND busy with Uni, so I won’t even promise to be consistent in posting smth lol. But I thought I need more practice in terms of writing in English, so here I am, actually scribbling something. This feels weird, because I’ve been around stan Tumblr since 2015, but never ever interacted, just read.

How I ended up around Jikook/Kookmin (and BTS) & My (long&messy) take on this matter

Although I had heard of BTS before, I became an Army only in October 2018. I had kinda avoided them, because you know... boybands.... sing songs about romantic love and how they love girls.......... (+I had been around Twitter when 1D been at their peak and I remember a quite toxic community of fans, whom always had scared me). Shortly, hello stereotypes. Obviously, after I got engaged I felt terribly sorry that I had been sleeping on them, but what is done cannot be undone. 

Someone I knew back then reposted one of their MVs and I, during my sad hours of procrastination, decided to watch it. Then I saw their live performance with the same song. And I thought “wow these guys can sing and dance and the music is kinda cool, i need to check this out maybe??” 

Then a funny thing happened. One of the next videos I watched (the same person had it added to their page) was a 2016 BangtanBomb where JM and JK practiced their Coming of Age dance. 

Do you know this moment with Gina from the 1st episode of Brooklyn 9-9:

Well, that was precisely me after I watched it. I don’t even know how to explain this, it was kind of a gut feeling? Whatever you call it, I started to get suspicious and couldn’t even explain to myself why. /actually now a do have questions to this vid and the main one - why does everyone cringe that much? if it’s a girly choreo than they had done some “girly” moves before. why is there such strong reaction??/

I started to get deeper and went to some ru-shipper communities. Shipping culture among Russian speaking fans is... well, weird to some extent, but I maybe address this topic some time later. You need to consider that (as far as you probably know) Russia is quite homophonic country and sadly is not the greatest place for LGBTQ+ community at the moment. The non-frienly influential attitudes hanging in the society + the general shippers’ weirdness = the result is not that nice honestly. 

I struggled for some time in order to find more mature people (not just in terms of age but in general sanity), failed, ended up with some EXTREMELY toxic ru-fans of TK, which was/is the most popular pairing here, spent among them like 15 minutes and ran away horrified. After that I didn’t even try to engage with shippers or believers or whatever of any pair and just decided to enjoy the music and the content (which is a great idea, highly recommend!)

After a couple of days I discovered that JK makes videos. I love video, films and visual art so I immediately found them on YT, saw the titles with names of different cities from all over the world and was like “Oh that must be so cool, he’s visited so many outstanding places I’ve never been to, so I really need to watch it! I shall enjoy some beautyyy”. Then I clicked on GCFt.

Well, what can I say. I did enjoy some beauty, but not the type I had initially anticipated. The biggest clickbait in my entire life. JK should be proud of himself.

                                       /as I said - the beauty/

I had already known Troy back then and I known the song’s lyrics so it would not be an underestimation to say - the video just blew my mind. I was like - hold on is this real? seriously?? no really really????? he manage to get away with something THAT obvious?????? dude how

As a person who edited videos AND is not a native English speaker, I don’t buy the explanation “oh he mustve didnt get the lyrics lmao”. You just don’t do that. You don’t. DON’T. You google and translate every shit you don’t understand, every word and idiom you’ve never encountered, because otherwise the possibility of an epic failure is very likely. You wouldn’t want to give your mum a video as a birthday present and then discover that you used a song with WAP-ish lyrics, right? (well maybe that would be okay in your family, I don’t judge, but that’s not the case for people I know). So don’t you dare to degrade JK’s intellectual capacities; such assumption is really offensive. He is a smart boii, he knows exactly what he’s doing in terms of his art.

So I was shocked, but decided to look for the context - maybe I missed some previous events regarding this Tokyo thing (another great idea - always check the context). Well, apparently I didn’t, because the whole narrative with the trip for two, lovely selfies etc. made my poor brain lowkey explode. (I still don’t buy the rings theory thing though)

But I didn’t give up lol! I’m a bit stubborn and it’s very hard to convince me in anything, so I decided to search for more context, more of their interactions, moreeee. Remember, the late October 2018, there were no swan lakes, RB, and even MMA18 hadn’t happened yet. 

This time I ended up watching content in more or less consistent way, and when I saw all of these scenes with affectionate JM and a cool badass i-don’t-care-about-anyone-i’m-a-manly-man-with-no-feelings-whatsoever JK, I just hysterically laughed. 

Homophobic Russia, remember? I recognized this. Growing up here being LGBT myself, taught me the same type behaviour during my high school days. When a girl I kinda liked but didn’t what to admit it to myself was nice to me or (oh god) flirted with me, I did something similar. It’s like a huge panic mode. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. The funniest thing is that you may not entirely realise what exactly is going on in terms of your own feelings, especially at that age (16-18ish). In my personal case, I thought I liked her but as a friend, only later to realise that well not as a friend oops :DDD The second thing (already not so funny) is that you actually consciously or unconsciously try to avoid the subject as much as possible, as long as possible and pretend that nothing is going on. We’re just bros. Stop doing this stupid gayish thing and don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. If you ever do this again I (gently) kick you. I’m straighter than a straight line in my math textbook. IDK, but probably that’s your brain is somehow trying to protect you. Again, in my case&position I knew that the consequences for any non-straight person being outed would be bad (TW not to the point of being killed bad, but to the point of being excluded from a big part of society). So for me it was a mixture of the internalized homophobia + lack of self reflection + just being a bit emotionally slow + very! straight community around. Shit happens, I was a teenager and made my share of mistakes, but that experience helps me to recognize the same pattern of behaviour up to this day.   

So coming back to KM, because the post is already waaay too long and I just ramble. It’s been 2+ years for me being a part of this fandom, and what can I say... Things become more intense and eventful with every year passing by ;) Funny how I felt that vibe from the 2016 dance practice video. Seeing the Black Swan performance a week ago almost had me choked, no joking. They are amazing.

                                                    Pure Art

However, and I would like to emphasize that, I do not incline that KM are 100% romantically involved and/or gay or whatever. I tend to treat people with respect and not to make too much assumptions about their private life. That’s not my business. However, I’m also not a fan of heteronormativity, so I’m just sitting here and observe everything that’s going on putting some distance and not forgetting being generally polite and critical thinking. But if they are just straightest besties please give them an Oscar before Grammy

Anyways, I hope this blog won’t kick the bucket from the very start and I will post something every now and then. You can always ask me questions about some BTS/Jikook related stuff or something about Russia and a Russian view on mass culture topics, since I’m pretty sure some of you have very stereotypical view of what is going on here :) However, do note that I’ve never been to America or Europe, therefore I may not be aware of something verrrry obvious to you or just have a completely different experience. 

P.S.  And yeah, I’m used to say Jikook, since it’s the name which is used much more frequently in Russian.  i like it better and what will u do haha

[cafedanslanuit]

RFA with a MC that has dyslexia

This is the last request I had saved! It’s by @gompereatsall​, who sent me this:

The other is where MC has dyslexia (and dropped out of high school, so she doesnt even have a high school education) and she struggles to keep it s secret from her S/O

I ended up having no ideas for Jaehee :( Since it was already long, she’s skipping this particular headcanon. I hope you liked it, sending hugs!

Yoosung

He was really, really excited when he learnt you were the same age as his. His excitement decreased a little when he realized you weren’t enrolled at SKY, though.

He asked for your major, but you decided to keep it a secret. Since he didn’t want to share his either, you joked you would tell him about yours when he told you about his.

It was all fun and games until he told you what his major was.

You tried to hide for months, even going to the extent to say you had online classes so that’s why you were almost always home.

Until that night came.

You had decided to spend the quarantine together and Yoosung was having trouble with the whole online classes idea. You had just woken up and were still half-asleep when he came to the bedroom to ask for your help, since his classes started in ten minutes and he couldn’t get the platform to work.

“MC, I really need your help, please, get up,” he asked, shaking your shoulder gently. You groaned and rubbed your eyes.

“Help you how?”

“I don’t know how to use this platform, and maybe it’s the one you’re using too. Please, they will count me as absent if I’m late!”

“Hmm, how would I know how that works?” you mumbled, turning around and trying to get to sleep again.

“Because you… take online classes,” Yoosung reasoned. He pouted, his eyes going around the bedroom. “Right? You told me all your classes were online”.

The realization you had just messed up made you sit up on the bed, startled.

Yoosung was looking at you confused and you realized there was no way to explain what you had just said. You just looked at him, feeling incredibly small in your pajamas, his confused expression hurting you. You bit your lip, and opened your mouth to talk, but Yoosung cut you off.

“Can we… talk about this later? I’ll call Seven for help”

You nodded as he shut the door behind him. You let yourself fall on the bed again. You knew how much he hated secrets and you couldn’t believe you had done well for so long before letting him find out like this.

A couple of hours later, you went to the kitchen and found him there, drinking a can of soda as he looked at his phone. You took a deep breath and asked him to sit down on the couch with you so you could explain.

Once you told him the real reason behind your lie, his anger seemed to go away for a bit. You explained you were so proud of him for going to school, and that you didn’t want to share your experience with the education system, since you felt it had failed you and your dyslexia diagnose. SKY was a tough uni to get into, and knowing he studied there, you didn’t want him to know you were actually stupid.

Yoosung immediately hugged you tightly against his chest.

“You’re not stupid! Never say that again,” he said, pressing a kiss on your forehead. “It’s not like only smart people get into good unis. The exam is design in a way only with good memory pass it, intelligence has nothing to do with it,” he assured you. “I’m not really smart either. But you’re definitely not stupid. You had something that got in the way of your learning! Your school should have helped instead of letting you drop out”.

The next days, Yoosung took his time in getting educated about everything and anything that had to do with your diagnose. He found out all the ways he could help and tried his best to make your life a little bit easier. He always asked you what else did you need and what else he could do to fill that need.

And, honestly? That level of love and support was everything you needed

Zen

You were watching a series with him after a long day of work. The protagonist and their love interest went to a classic American prom and had the mandatory slow dance scene.

“I guess having something like prom would have been fun. The guys at my school went on a trip” Zen commented. You stayed in silence for a moment, not knowing what to say next. You just hummed and nodded, your eyes fixed on the screen. The episode ended and as the credits rolled, he turned to you again. “How was your prom? Who did you go with?” he asked with a teasing smile.

“Oh-- it was nice,” you answered. “Hey, I’m making some coffee for myself, you want anything?” you offered, getting up from the couch and heading to the kitchen.

“Hey! Why don’t you wanna tell me who did you go with?”

“It’s not important!”

“Oh, that means you did go with someone!” Zen reasoned, following you. “Babe, it’s okay, it’s not like you are still dating or seeing that guy anymore,” he said, his expression falling shortly after. “You’re not, right?”

“Of course not!” you huffed.

“Right, sorry, my mind went somewhere really dangerous,” Zen apologized. “So, why won’t you tell me about your prom? C’mon, I wanna know”

You sighed and turned around, finally facing him.

“I didn’t have one,” you muttered. “I didn’t finish high school”

Zen furrowed his eyebrows. “Oh,” he said. “Why… why didn’t you tell me? You know I also dropped out.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t do it for… you know, your reasons. You had to make a choice to further your career and you were also going through issues. I was just stupid”

“You’re not stupid, what are you talking about?”

“I… I had a lot of trouble at school. I have dyslexia and it made school so damn difficult, I was about to fail the year so I… dropped out. My drawings were somewhat good so I became a freelancer but yeah, my stupid brain didn’t let me have a prom”

“Okay, you have to stop calling yourself stupid. You’re an amazing artist! C’mon, don’t be so hard on yourself,” he asked, pulling you to his chest and hugging you.

Two weeks after your conversation, you got home after delivering a project and found Zen’s apartment filled with balloons, a small disco ball on a table, soft music playing one of your favourite songs.

Zen came out of the window wearing a light blue shirt and black pants, a slightly loose tie around his neck. You smiled when you saw him and left your purse near the door. As soon as you were in reaching distance, he twirled you around and then set his hand on the small of you back, his other hand taking yours. He started slow-dancing with you, his soft eyes fixed on you.

“Where did all this come from?” you asked with a grin, swaying your body to the music.

“I guess this way we both get to have a prom dance like the ones we see on TV,” he shrugged. “I even prepared punch, it’s in the kitchen.”

“Is it spiked?”

“You know me too well, babe,” he laughed, pressing a kiss on your forehead.

Jumin

Jumin had noticed you didn’t tell him stories about your school. He would tell you all about his time with V, but you never shared stories of your own. He didn’t mind it at first but was curious.

For a moment, he thought you might feel uncomfortable since he went to a fancy private school and you didn’t, but when time passed and you easily accommodated to his lifestyle he realized that wasn’t the case.

Jumin is a very observant man, so he also noticed how you had trouble reading. He had never mentioned it, figuring you hadn’t put on your contacts lenses.

That night when he left work and came to you, something couldn’t leave his mind. And of course, you noticed the tiny tell-tales he wasn’t as relaxed as he usually was when you two were together. You both were sitting on the sofa in silence when you couldn’t hold it any longer.

“What’s going on, love?”

“You know I hate bringing up work when we’re together, but…” Jumin sighed. “Assistant Kang wrote the speech I’m supposed to give at the gala I told you about and I just can’t see why I don’t really like it. I can’t even tell her to do it again because I don’t know why is it about it that I dislike,” he paused and took out a piece of paper from his briefcase. “Would you take a look at it? Maybe you can help me pin what’s wrong about it”.

You nodded and took the piece of paper from Jumin’s hands. He watched you as you scrunched your eyebrows, but kept your eyes focused on the paper.

“Do you need me to hand you your contacts?” he offered.

“I have them on,” you muttered, trying to concentrate.

“Maybe those aren’t working for you anymore? I could have the best optician see you tomorrow morning”

“No, I just-- I have-- Give me a minute to try and read this,” you tried to explain. Jumin looked at you confused. “I have dyslexia, so I have a little trouble reading long texts. But give me more time and I can finish this”

“I didn’t know,” Jumin said. He stayed in silence for a moment. “Did that make school difficult?”

He noticed the way your hands tensed. “I… I didn’t finish high school. Couldn’t keep up”.

And that was the moment everything clicked for Jumin.

He gave you the time you needed to finish reading and then listened to your comments about it. Knowing it was a delicate subject, he didn’t make further comment on it, but rather tried to be more affectionate than ever that night.

In the following days, he asked you if you wanted to get your high school diploma. He offered the help of a therapist that could help you and a tutor if you needed one. If you didn’t want to get a diploma, he still offered the help, as he knew it could still be beneficial for you.

He would ask a lot of questions about it on how he could make life easier for you. Do you prefer audio messages rather than texts? Because he would ask Saeyoung to change the RFA chat if needed.

He just wanted to know he would try and give you anything that could make you feel as happy as he was with you.

Saeyoung

Working this under the theory that Saeyoung has ADHD.

Neurodivergent team!

SILENCE, NEUROTYPICAL is your favourite catchphrase tbh

You try to help each other as much as you can! You do your best to help with his cluttering and remind him when he should get some rest. You also played a big part in changing his eating habits.

He also makes sure to add a feature for voice messages. Jaehee hates it because she is always working or listening to Zen’s recordings and it’s not practical. But Saeyoung uses it all the time and has upped his prank game sending the most annoying audios to everyone. But you know the only reason why he added it was to make your life a little bit easier.

He offers to pay for a therapist if you want to exercise your reading skills.

One late night, as you both had just finished watching a movie and were cuddling on the couch, you confessed you hadn’t been able to finish high school due to the dyslexia. You told him you hadn’t told him before because you were ashamed of it, and would appreciate if he didn’t tell anyone either. You didn’t want them to know you didn’t have a diploma.

“You know I can hack your school system and get you a diploma, right?” he asked. You chuckled and shook your head.

“Thank you, baby. There’s not need, though”

“If you want to try again, it’s okay,” he said, kissing your cheek. “And if you don’t, that’s okay too. Just whatever you decided to do with it… remember you won’t have to do it alone this time”.