#i lauve sequel content

[bluebeerg]

conceiving sequel content in my brain but shaking my head the entire time because i don't believe in anything happening or really existing outside the skip ending . and that the stanley parable 2 and its expo was this sudden enormous creative burst from the narrator from being stuck and powerless for so long that he just had to get out after all that time

[luvdsc]

hey there lovely, it’s me, ✨ anon 💗💗 how have you been? did you have a good weekend? I’m glad that you’ve found avatar a good show to watch, and I hope you’re getting all the rest you can as well!! :)) as for recipes that I want to try next, Ive been thinking of macaroons or a lemon cake, I’ve been obsessed with lemon stuff for a while now and have been wanting to try out something lemony 🍋🍋 same with the food vids, they always make me want to eat something even though I shouldn’t (1/5)

but I just can’t stop watching them 😅 and it’s not like I look for them deliberately, it just comes up even in variety shows and watching them at night does not help at all :’) I really liked watching b99, 2 broke girls, friends, kim’s convenience and full house to name a few, and to all the boys I’ve loved before is probably the last rom com I’ve watched that I remember, and as for action shows I mostly prefer movies like the marvel series :)) (2/5)

omg yasss the dreamies are absolute comedians and they should be on more shows, but I’ll be happy with whatever I can get 💖 also hyuck not being on nct life is a bummer, but as long as he’s not being overworked and getting the rest he needs that’s all I could really ask for 🥺 oooh whenever you have the time you should check out svt, they’re definitely as chaotic or even more so than nct, and their music is super good too imo 💓(3/5)

ah yes I got into the boyz after I started watching rtk, and I definitely don’t regret it! definitely check out ateez, txt and tbz one day 🌼 and omg yes I heard chungha’s latest release it’s really good!! 🙌🏻 ooh you sound really good at cooking! pasta is easy for me as well, but i usually whip up some fried noodles or rice with some sides if I have the time, but I’m more into baking than cooking if I had to choose (4/5)

usually I listen mainly to pop, but occasionally a bit of r&b or hiphop :) my fav non-kpop artists would have to be lauv, shawn mendes and troye sivan (I don’t really listen to a lot of non-kpop nowadays sorry 🤧) if not I just chuck on one of those lofi hiphop playlists as bgm! and I’m an isfp-t, although it was different and an e before :)) have a good week ahead 💖 (4/4) (oops it’s only supposed to be 4 parts not 5 sorry for the typos!!)

✿ ✿ ✿

omg hello, honey bee!!! 💓 i’ve been doing good, and my weekend was great! i spent most of my time binging avatar, and i only have ten more episodes now until i’m done LOL and i’ve been getting lots of sleep, thank you! how have you been? how was your weekend, lovebug? 💘 omg both of those sound sooo good! 🤩 are you going to try a lemon cake with sugar glaze? or will it be a pound cake or a layer one? what type of lemon cake will it be? 💛

aaaah same, i don’t go searching for the food videos, but they pop up in my recommended, so i keep watching them and i get hungry at night too :’) omg i love b99 and kim’s convenience!!!! did you watch the latest season of kim’s convenience?? what did you think of the latest season’s ending for janet? :o oh gosh, i watched the sequel to to all the boys i’ve loved before, and that was highly disappointing for me akjshdflas ooo the marvel series are great! i’ve only kinda kept up with thor and ironman though 😅 have you started any new shows lately?

they should!!! they’re absolutely hilarious, but yes, i’m happy with anything we get too :’) so much content gets put out on their youtube channels, i’m so behind rip but yes!!! i’m really hoping hyuck is getting the rest he deserves and isn’t working himself too hard 💓 i’ve watched their weekly idol and idol room episodes! they’re really funny, especially that diss rap battle they had on idol room omg i also really like their song, pinwheel! 🌸

aaaaah there’s so many new boy groups, and i think i’m too old because it’s getting harder to keep up with all these groups now rip and yesss chungha never fails to release bangers 🤩🤩  oh my goodness, yes, how could i forget about fried noodles and rice?? those are quick and easy meals as well! i feel like most cooking is relatively easy, but i’m just always afraid that i’m not cleaning the meat or fish properly, so i stick to precut meat and whatnot. and me too! i think baking is more fun than cooking :’)

omg i love lauv and troye sivan! which songs of theirs are your favorite? ah, i only know the shawn mendes songs that play on the radio a lot 😅 and omg those lofi playlists are always so nice and soothing!!! 💗 oooo so we share half of the same traits for mbti! do you feel that i is more accurate than e? and thank you so much, sweetpea, i hope you have a good week, too!!! 🌼 (and you actually sent me 5 parts, so it’s all good, honey bee! 💕)

[wesonerdy]

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is a wonderful end of summer treat: great acting, well-paced plot, and all the swoony, teen-y feels. This is the quality, RomCom content we deserve!

Courtesy of NETFLIX

  When I saw the first trailer for To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before earlier this summer, I just knew that I needed this film in my life, so much so, that I emailed NETFLIX publicity and practically begged them for a screener. And now that I’ve seen this film eight times (EIGHT!!!!!!!!), my initial feelings have only grown.

NETFLIX has been doing the Lord’s work lately by bringing us glorious romantic comedy, and TATBILB is, through and through, swoony and hilarious and heartwarming. Instantly, the films transports me back to my 16/17-year old self, the optimism and feels, coupled with the awkwardness and insecurity of trying to navigate my teenhood.

Now, I haven’t read Jenny Han’s best-seller, so I can’t really talk about the film as an adaptation. (I promise, it’s at top of my TBR list. And FYI: our friends at Fangirlish have an awesome interview with Jenny Han where she reflects on the process of working with the creative team to adapt her book for NETFLIX.)

What I can say is that To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is a wonderful end of summer treat: great acting, well-paced plot, and all the swoony, teen-y feels. This is the quality, RomCom content we deserve.

  Lara Jean Song Covey, the middle daughter in an interracial, Korean-American family, is about to begin her junior year of high school. She has just said goodbye to her older sister, Margot, who’s off to college in Scotland. In the absence of their mother (who dies when the Lara Jean, Margot, and their baby sister Kitty are quite young), Margot becomes a maternal figure in the family. Though, their father, Dr. Dan Covey, tries to keep the memory of their mother alive for the girls by cooking Korean food, etc., he sometimes botches things. Margot has been there to clean up the messes and smooth things over.

Margot does something similar in Lara Jean’s life at school. Lara Jean has been on the sidelines of the social scene and mostly relying on her best friend Christine, Margot, and Margot’s boyfriend Josh. When Margot leaves (and breaks up with Josh beforehand), Lara Jean loses 2/3 of her circle. This doesn’t bother Lara Jean too much… she’ll eat lunch in the library (as long as they don’t kick her out for eating noisy foods) and on the weekends, she’ll watch Golden Girls reruns with Kitty. Lara Jean seems satisfied; however, someone in her life wants to shake things up.

Over the last several years, Lara Jean has written love letters to five guys she’s had crushes on. Lara Jean doesn’t mail them, but it helps her to articulate her feelings and make sense of them. Lara Jean hides the letters in a teal gift-box (a keepsake from her mother). But one day, Lara Jean gets a rude awakening when all five letters are missing. Someone has mailed them out!!!

Right away, Lara Jean has to confront three of the guys, Peter Kavinsky (jock and Mr. Popular), Lucas Krapf (who shows Lara Jean a fun time at the 9th grade Homecoming dance), and Josh Sanderson. YES, the Josh who is now Sister Margot’s ex-boyfriend. LAWD!

In order to avoid the major awkward of dealing with Josh, Lara Jean agrees to begin a fake relationship with Peter Kavinsky (who’s trying to make his ex-girlfriend jealous). DRA.MA. Unexpectedly, hanging out with Peter does help Lara Jean to open up and enjoy high school. But what happens when Lara Jean starts to develop real feelings for her fake boyfriend?

  1. Lara Jean is all of us!

Lana Condor dazzles us as Lara Jean! She’s the perfect RomCom leading lady. Several times, Lara Jean shares her love of John Hughes films, and she, herself, could totally be a John Hughes heroine: smart, relatable, a little awkward, with perfect comedic timing, and all-around delightful.

I see so much of myself in Lara Jean, with her passion for bodice-ripper, romance novels, her shyness, and her love of her family. Lara Jean will be the first to tell you that she’s addicted to romance and drama… but aren’t we all, like a little bit?

And though I very much identify with Lara Jean, I recognize that a young, Asian-American woman as a romantic lead in a film like this is something special, something to celebrate, and something to replicate. Because #RepresentationMatters!

  2. Sisters before misters!

Yes, TATBILB is a romance, but, for me, the relationship between the three Covey sisters is the highlight of the film–Margot, the responsible one; Lara Jean, the shy, melodramatic one; and Kitty, the popular one and baby-feminist.

A significant part of the storyline follows the evolution of the way the sisters engage with one another as they’re growing up. Lara Jean is keeping a major secret from her sisters and it does create conflict between them. However, when Lara Jean finds herself in a difficult and embarrassing situation towards the end of the movie, it’s Margot and Kitty who Lara Jean turns to.

By the end, I was cheering “sisters before misters!!!” at the screen and so ready to call my own sisters, too.

  3. John Corbett is the DILF we deserve!

To all my fellow Sex and the City fans, I have to confess that Aidan has always been my favorite of Carrie’s guys. So, now to see John Corbett as a sweet, single-daddy to his girls, is the literal BEST. Dan Covey was so, super in love with his wife and has worked hard to channel all of that love into raising his three daughters. This includes hella awkward conversations about sexual health, all the way to reminding Lara Jean that she deserves to be young and carefree.

  4. Lara Jean’s boys…SWOON!

I didn’t expect to like Peter Kavinsky as much as I did, but he was charming and kind and a great guy for Lara Jean. Peter challenges Lara Jean to have fun and helps her step out of her shell to embrace the experiences of high school and be part of the group.

One of my favorite scenes takes place between Lara Jean and Peter after dinner with Peter’s family. They bond over losing a parent, and Lara Jean reflects on how losing her mother has shaped her fear of love and relationships. In the course of the film, this realization jars Lara Jean into taking some risks. But as they say: no risk, no reward! (Especially if that risk includes making out in a hot tub! 😉 )

While I adore Peter, Lucas is my homeboy. I would take him and his cravat-wearing, cutie-patootie self anywhere. Lucas is a really good friend to Lara Jean and I love how he encourages her.

Then there’s Josh *sigh* Lara Jean’s relationship with Josh is complex, especially because of Margot. Throughout the movie, Josh really struggles with losing his connection to the Covey sisters. While I don’t necessarily want Lara Jean and Josh to have a romantic relationship, I want them to be good friends. And P.S. I think Josh and Margot should get back together.

  5. Awesome music is AWESOME!

I mentioned that To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before hooked me before the end of the trailer, and the amazing soundtrack 100% contributed to the RomCom goodness. I hadn’t yet heard Lauv’s “I Like Me Better”, and after hearing it in the trailer and movie, I downloaded the song and played it on repeat for dayssss. Then I watched the music video on repeat for dayssss and cried at how lovely and romantic it was. Then I texted Katie, my BFF Patrice, and my sister Sey to share it with them, too. *SWOONY SIGH*

The film soundtrack, as a whole, is effervescent, just like the film– “Human Right” by The Strike, “Boyfriend” by Confidence Man, and so much more. You can listen to it on Spotify HERE.

  Friends, this film is MUSTSEE, so make sure to take time this weekend to unwind with To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and drown in teen-y, RomCom feels. You won’t regret it! And Team NETFLIX, you might as well just greenlight the sequels now. Js.

  To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before had their premiere/special screening in Los Angeles on August 16, 2018 at the Arc Light Culver City. Check out images from the screening below!

Courtesy of Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Netflix

Courtesy of Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Netflix

Courtesy of Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Netflix

Courtesy of Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Netflix

Courtesy of Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Netflix

Courtesy of Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Netflix

Courtesy of Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Netflix

Courtesy of Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Netflix

Courtesy of Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Netflix

Courtesy of Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Netflix

Courtesy of Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Netflix

Courtesy of Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Netflix

  FILM REVIEW: ‘To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before’, the Teen RomCom We Deserve To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is a wonderful end of summer treat: great acting, well-paced plot, and all the swoony, teen-y feels.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 12th May 2019 (Logic & Eminem, Shawn Mendes, Lewis Capaldi)

We have a bunch of new arrivals this week, most of which are big-name debuts within the top 20, so safe to say we have another busy week on our hands. Let’s get it.

Top 10

One of my biggest surprises on this chart is that the top five is still relatively stable, and Stormzy’s “Vossi Bop” is still at the number-one spot, even though I thought it’d collapse like Dave and Fredo’s “Funky Friday” did after it debuted at the top due to insane streaming. Despite my expectations, it’s fine. It’s still here. Speaking of...

“Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X and later remixed by both Billy Ray Cyrus and Diplo, and possibly Young Thug(?), hasn’t moved from the runner-up spot from last week.

Lewis Capaldi had a good week here – even his single “Grace” that has been mostly stagnant increased three spaces elsewhere – but he places twice in the top 10. The first appearance here is for “Someone You Loved”, rebounding a singular position up to number-three.

His other appearance within the top 10 is right here, funnily enough, as he makes a consecutive appearance here at number-four, with the debut of “Hold Me While You Wait”, Capaldi’s third top 40 hit in the UK as well as his second top 10 and top five hit.

At number-five, up one spot from last week, is “bad guy” by Billie Eilish.

Meanwhile at number-six, we have MEDUZA and Goodboys with “Piece of Your Heart” down one space from last week.

I’m surprised at how Taylor Swift’s “ME!” with Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco essentially just collapsed entirely as it drops down four spaces to number-seven. Yes, it’s still in the top 10, but it’s worrying how quickly this is dropping down; The UK doesn’t count radio in its charts so I suppose it’s impressive that such a radio-targeted song is doing so well on sales and streaming, but I’d chalk that up to YouTube.

Meanwhile, at number-eight, “SOS” by the late Avicii featuring vocals from Aloe Blacc is down one spot from last week.

We have yet another top 10 debut as “If I Can’t Have You” by Shawn Mendes makes its chart premiere at number-nine (Noticeably lower than its #2 debut in the US), becoming his ninth UK Top 40 hit and his sixth to reach the top 10.

At #10, to round off the top 10, we have “Just You and I” by Tom Walker slowly making its way out down two spaces. It’ll probably have a bit of a comeback next week.

Climbers

Naturally, due to the nature of this week’s business, we don’t have many songs being able to make room for themselves on the charts – by that I mean we have one notable enough climb, and it’s “Sixteen” by Ellie Goulding up five spaces to #31.

Fallers

I would like to say these are a different story, but there are less than I expected. Going from the top, we have expected yet arguably slightly premature losses for Khalid and P!nk’s “Talk” and “Walk Me Home”, down six and five spaces respectively to #20 and #21. I think their runs have been long enough, although I expected “Walk Me Home” to smash considering the top 10 debut, but it’s since faded away and has just been fodder in the top 20 for a while. We also have consecutive losses for mediocre British hip-hop, as Digga D’s “No Diet” is down seven spaces to #27, right next to JAY1’s “Your Mrs” down five to #28. Otherwise, we have mostly continued losses, including “Don’t Call Me Up” by Mabel down five to #32, “i’m so tired...” by LAUV and Troye Sivan down seven to #33, “Boy with Luv” by BTS featuring Halsey down eight to #37 (I’m surprised it’s lasted this long), and sadly, “Disaster” by Dave featuring J Hus down seven to #40.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

First of all, I’d like to note “wish you were gay” by Billie Eilish has dropped out from #35 to not even in the top 75 due to streaming cuts. That’s how detrimental they can be to a song’s success over here, although that song was already on its way out. Anyways, we don’t have any returning entries, but we do have some drop-outs – quite a few – but all to be expected, really. “Let Nature Sing” by the RPSB is out from #18 but it’s a charity birdsong single, I’m just surprised it’s still at #63. We’ve just got three others, and those are quite literally last week’s bottom three. All of these dropping out from #38, #39 and #40, we have “Let Me Down Slowly” by Alec Benjamin featuring a duet with Alessia Cara, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, and finally, “Wow.” by Post Malone. New arrivals time.

NEW ARRIVALS

#34 – “M.E.N. II” – Bugzy Malone

Produced by Zdot

Now for some brief backstory. This is a sequel track to Bugzy Malone’s 2015 track “M.E.N.” that directly interpolates the prior single to reflect on how far his career has changed from the year he released that single. Looking at the album charts, you can really tell as his last EP debuted at #4 in 2017 and his 2018 album at #8, but Bugzy Malone, despite being one of the key grime MCs to form the modern, trap-influenced style and become less commercially focused as they were in the early 2010s, has never made the top 40 until now. This is his first UK Top 40 hit, despite a few close calls and even an album bomb, in which none of the tracks touched the top 50. He has since built up a lot of hype, clearly, collaborating with the likes of Rag ‘n’ Bone Man, but is the music any good? Well, I’m not familiar with much of Bugzy at all, I’ve only heard a few singles here and there, but I’ve never been all too impressed, although I have been listening to the poppier, charting stuff. Maybe I would appreciate a return to its roots more, and you know what, to an extent, I do. The upbeat synth is quite cloudy but allows for a fun, bouncy flow over an admittedly stilted drum beat that feels very generic although definitely more fast-paced than what I’m used to hearing on the charts. I do appreciate Bugzy Malone’s introspective lyrical content, where he looks back on his come-up and has some very specific details in how he made it, with eerie synths shrouding his blunt vocal delivery in an odd mystery, which seems unfitting considering Bugzy Malone’s lyrics are quite hard-hitting; A lot of the instrumentation feels too sparse and spacey, in fact, for such a personal and intimate song talking about struggle with religious worship and beliefs, experience with cocaine since he observed his friends slowly suffer from the abuse of the drug, relationship issues where Bugzy feels like he needs to overly compensate for the lack of attention and speaking on how he wouldn’t mind dying and going out as a legend of Manchester if that’s what it takes for respect. With a beautifully-sang outro in what I’m assuming is Bugzy himself in a falsetto, it really should be more than what it is, but he struggles to stick to a topic at once sometimes and often the beat is less intense than it really should be. This is still good, but I’m not entirely sure if it’ll have any longevity.

#18 – “Guten Tag” – Hardy Caprio and DigDat

Produced by JT and CallMeTheKidd

Oh, hey, another relatively non-notable UK drill/trap song that debuts into the top 20 inexplicably, is expected to drop off quickly, sticks around for way too many weeks before it’s cut down by the streaming chart rules in the UK. This one is by two familiar faces though, Hardy Caprio and DigDat, who have both charted once or twice before and have both been incredibly uninteresting. This is Caprio’s fourth Top 40 hit and first Top 20, whilst it’s DigDat’s second of both – and this one might just be a tad weirder and a tad more unique than any other UK trap song that could have debuted this week. There’s no chorus at all, barely even anything resembling it other than how a refrain is kind of implemented into an intro and outro, and it takes only a couple bars for an odd Family Guy/The Cleveland Show reference to talk about the cocaine he’s trafficking, because, well, sure. The beat is fantastic, it has got a summery tropical vibe in its breezy synths and flutes but it’s immediately drowned out by the insanely dark and heavy 808s and sub-bass, which sound great. Caprio and DigDat flow well over it, and the slight tinge of guitars that appear throughout the beat are so cool, especially when they’re used to build up to the chorus in an otherwise menacing section of just bass and the skittering trap percussion and it can only be heard in the left channel. It really shows how any natural, lively instrumentation is distant from the intense and tragic lives of UK drill musicians, I suppose. This is really good, actually, I’m surprised. Sure, the lyrical content is nothing to speak of, ut that doesn’t matter when the beat is this interesting and the vocal inflections are this powerful. Check this out, I’d recommend it, even if just for that beautiful watery synth melody and the incredible flute in the outro.

#15 – “Homicide” – Logic featuring Eminem

Produced by Bregma and Shroom – Peaked at #4 in New Zealand and #5 in the US

God, where do I even start with this one? Okay, well, since none of the other singles from Confessions of a Dangerous Mind took off, Logic essentially put on Hot 100 Easy Mode and got an Eminem feature while rushing something at the beginning to make sure you knew it was a Logic song as well. Hence, he got the second biggest hit of his career. This is Logic’s third UK Top 40 and top 20 hit, and I’m not even going to count Eminem’s, he has way too many to even start trying at this point. Let’s just take this one step by step because there’s a lot to unravel here. First of all, we have Logic’s dad Smokey Hall telling an obviously scripted reverb-drowned joke with some fake laughter. If that’s really how Logic laughs, then I’m scared for his life. Logic’s dad REALLY sounds like Logic, though, like they’re nearly identical, especially when they both laugh in unison. The joke isn’t funny either, and it’s just kind of painful to sit through, especially with little drowning it out other than the beat warming up. The beat by itself is actually just kind of okay, but definitely is menacing when you hear the intimidating bells and pair them with Logic and Eminem’s rapid-fire flows. Logic’s verses sure are... Logic verses from 2019? They’re incredibly generic, although I do like the Eminem references and Logic’s flow and vocal delivery is on point, until...

(In a weird voice) When I rap like this, do I sound like s***? / Well, it don’t really matter, ‘cause I’m killin’ this s***

Uh, Eminem, you must have heard Logic’s verse, right? You admitted on “Not Afraid” that the use of the dumb accents on Relapse was pointless and unnecessary, so why are you letting Logic do them? His voice is even more nasal here, and I’m still baffled by how little self-awareness he seems to have here. No one is criticising Logic for rhyming words with themselves, they’re criticising his subject matter, so rhyming a phrase with itself four or five times isn’t a valid argument against these critics, because you don’t know their argument in the first place. Also, I’m not letting Logic anywhere near my baby, especially if it is in fact true that he does have rabies.

There’s nowhere to hide, we call this s*** genocide

No, you don’t. The song’s called “Homicide”.

We gon’ leave ‘em crucified, we call this s***...

Homicide.

...genocide

God damn it, Bobby, can’t you get anything right? Okay, well, the criticism of autotuned mumble rappers makes no sense considering how shallow his criticisms are and how he himself has focused on the exact subject matter he mocks for the past two years, and only that subject matter, as well as the extensive use of autotune on Bobby Tarantino II – the only hit single from the tape, “Everyday” with Marshmello, owes a lot to it. He then talks about how if he’s calling himself the greatest ever, he must come with the best raps, and then he repeats a couple words, has some filler, but honestly the monotonous droning of the sub bass and darker synth tones really add to the pure aggression of Logic’s distorted yelling by the end of his second verse.

Honestly, all of the lyrical content can be forgiven because at no point does the momentum of the track come to a halt, especially when Eminem comes in and feels like himself again. All these forced 2018 Slim Shadyisms aren’t there, or at least harder to spot, so it just feels like Eminem with Slim Shady-like vengeful tendencies but more importantly a passionate, violent rapper who loves what he’s doing and wants to prove himself as the best to ever do it, which is all I want from Eminem. His rhyme schemes are complex and insane, his baseball wordplay is fantastic and continues for a much longer time than I initially thought, which is impressive. He has some quotables about farm animals, specifically sheep and dogs, continuing the metaphor he started on Boogie’s “Rainy Days”, that he is the violent wolf or dog who leads a pack of sheep. I love Eminem’s verse and I’ll take anything I can get from Logic, so after Eminem talks about bringing the fingerless gloves back (Yeah, remember those?) he has a couple more bars before finally killing the song’s momentum by abruptly ending the beat and his verse entirely, because he’s too good for it. This is the Eminem I love, this is the Eminem I wanted out of Kamikaze but wasn’t treated to. Eminem on trap beats can work fantastically, and if anything, this just proves that Eminem still isn’t even on a comparative level to those he inspired. Oh, yeah, and the outro is a Chris D’Elia skit sampled from Twitter or something that mimics Eminem’s rhyme scheme. It’s funny for about 10 seconds, but not for nearly a whole bloody minute as that’s how long they keep it for. Yeah, okay, that was unnecessary, and does kill the momentum more than Logic ever could. I guess I’m revealing my inner Eminem fanatic here, but God, do I love his verse, and I feel with a better Logic verse (The hook is great by itself, and the beat is fitting enough), this could have been 10/10 territory, honestly, but even without that, his verse works in the most primal, violent way it could have possibly worked with, so I’m not complaining, in fact, this is probably the best new arrival here. Honestly, I’m just glad it’s not “Lemon Drop”. Now for some boring pop singers, I guess. Did you realise none of these new arrivals have been females? Yeah, none of them are. Three out of five are hip-hop as well. Interesting.

#9 – “If I Can’t Have You” – Shawn Mendes

Produced by Scott Harris, Mark Williams & Volta, Shawn Mendes, Nate Mercereau and Teddy Geiger – Peaked at #2 in the US

Apparently this song needs five producers. Okay, what is this, “SICKO MODE”, or did we really need five producers? Did all of these producers seriously contribute enough for a full credit and not a co- or additional production credit? Ah, well, that’s nitpicking. I’ve talked about the stats before, but this is Mendes’ highest-peaking song ever in the US and it seems to have just been a massive smash hit everywhere, and it will be even bigger once radio picks up on it. What have I heard about the track before peeping this new song? Well, I see that everyone loves it, and I understand why. It’s really upbeat and Mendes’ performance, albeit breathy, is really powerful and intense. The bassline is pumping and the guitars are nice and tropical, but I can’t feel like I would have found this more refreshing in 2016. What I’m saying is that this is bland and tasteless, and I now understand why there’s five producers. It’s overproduced to hell and back, or at least that’s how I see it. There’s reverb absolutely EVERYWHERE, as if it’s a Post Malone deep cut, and the vocals are in the front of the mix so the instrumentals in the back of the mix just end up piling into a pile of mush. The multi-tracking in the first chorus sounds like a choir of Shawn Mendes, but it ends up sounding like Shawn Mendes breaking the microphone. That freaking piano part as well, it’s so tackily added in, especially since the video uses it as a focal point. Has this had any actual arrangement before the CDs were burnt and the vinyl records were pressed (Yes, they made them, because that’s the only way this got #2 in the US)? My friend said this sounded like royalty-free vlog music, and yeah, that’s a pretty solid description, except there’s no ukulele... I pray to God an acoustic version of this song with a ukulele gets released. Yeah, this is just tepid, saccharine and uninspired, I don’t see the praise. Sorry.

#4 – “Hold Me While You Wait” – Lewis Capaldi

Produced by Lewis Capaldi, Edward Holloway, Nick Atkinson and TMS – Peaked at #1 in Scotland and Ireland

Speaking of the devil, here’s more pop that I’ll find embarrassingly dull and saccharine, except this time it’s going to be a gruelling piano ballad because that’s all Capaldi does. He’s not the first, we’re just feeling a lack of Ed Sheeran right now and when he comes back, this dude will be off the charts, hopefully forever. What a talentless, putrid hack. Okay, maybe he isn’t talentless, he can sing, sure. He doesn’t know where to sing, though, because he does borderline spoken word in this raspy voice over once again, just a boring piano melody like his last one, a freaking Zedd alarm clock ticking in the background, and Lewis Capaldi sounding like a frog sobbing over its grandfather that had just flatlined. He sounds strained and he just repeats that “My love”, it gets on my nerves. It’s not intense or intimate, it is aggravating and I never want to hear it again. This is borderline unlistenable to me and I can’t even figure out exactly why, I can’t pin-point it, but it’s just assault on my ears, with the incessant layers of background vocals haunting me as I try and find some solace in the strings, but the last note has to be Capaldi vomiting up his kale yogurt from the night before. Disgusting waste of studio time, and what an overbearing, sickeningly overproduced piece of gutter trash that even Sheeran would spit on and give to his cats. I hope to see this guy fall naturally out of public consciousness before I get much more repulsed of him than I already am.

Conclusion

Should be obvious here – Worst of the Week goes to Lewis Capaldi for whatever the hell that three minutes and 26 seconds was, with Dishonourable Mention going to Shawn Mendes for “If I Can’t Have You”. Logic and Eminem grab Best of the Week for “Homicide”, whilst Honourable Mention is going to Hardy Caprio and DigDat for “Guten Tag”. Yeah, I know, I’m surprised too. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more pop music ramblings and Top 20 rankings, and I’ll see you next week!