#i know when i do bad because of intellectual factors and i know when i do bad because teachers and administration refuse to give me what i

[alaskan-wallflower]

another rant but not about the fandom

so i’m taking the PSAT this week.

And if you’ve been following me for a while then you know I have albinism. Meaning I have a visual impairment. Meaning I have an IEP. (Basically means I have accommodations so that things are easier for me to see and I have the same opportunities as the rest of the kids in school)

And I’ve been told this whole fucking time that I would have every accommodation I need, meaning the font would be bigger, I can write essays on my computer and I’m allowed to use a magnifier to help me see

And now according to the damn cCollege Board, it’s ‘against the test policies’ and I can’t have my font enlarged and I’m also not able to type stuff up. Which is literally in my IEP that I’m allowed to do. And this isn’t as big of a problem for now because it’s just a PSAT, but I’m taking an AP test in May run by the College Board and I’m ALSO TAKING THE SAT soon. So essentially, I’m fucked.

[ponett]

Whenever I complain about graphic or dark content in media I watch, I keep hearing people retort with this apparently very popular opinion that people who enjoy comfy, wholesome things are actually more likely to be raging assholes than people who love things like death metal and gore. As someone who seems to enjoy comfy, wholesome things yourself and likely met many others who enjoy similar such things, do you agree with this opinion? If so, why do you think this happens?

So I've been sitting on this ask for like a week, not knowing whether or not I wanted to touch it because it kind of feels like being handed a live grenade

For one, I don't like being pigeonholed as someone who just likes "comfy" or "wholesome" things. Yeah, I enjoy My Little Pony and Animal Crossing. I made a game with cute furry characters and lots of bright colors. I also enjoy things like Berserk and Chainsaw Man and Doom and violent crime dramas and punk rock with vulgar lyrics and porn. Variety is the spice of life

Anyway: I generally don't think it's a good idea to make sweeping statements about peoples' moral or intellectual character based on what genres of story they enjoy, regardless of what direction you're coming at it from. But this is a very leading question that kind of skirts around the root problems

There's frequent (perhaps a bit exaggerated) pushback these days against people who prefer their fiction to be a warm blanket, a form of escapism meant to distract you from the real world. In particular, the dreaded "person who only watches kids' cartoons" is a form of this that gets brought up a lot. I don't think the root problem here is what media people enjoy or don't personally enjoy - taste is subjective, and I don't think it's a moral obligation for everyone to have diverse tastes in TV shows - but I do think some folks should try to get out of their comfort zone a bit more. Sometimes stuff that seems like it won't be for you on a surface level will really end up speaking to you, but you won't know until you give it a shot. Trust me, I've been there many times

It becomes a problem when people demand that media ONLY cater to that "warm blanket" attitude. And I think that's part of the reason why that stereotype you mentioned about fans of ""wholesome""" media being assholes exists. People who view dark or violent content as an inherent flaw because it's not what they like. People who yell at creators when they make bad things happen in their stories, because how dare you do this to my comfort characters? People who say movies should never have sex scenes. People who want "problematic" moral complexity stripped out in favor of black and white moral instruction. People who seem to hate any sort of interpersonal conflict in fiction at all

These attitudes can be the result of many different cultural factors, factors that can't all be traced back to Tumblr or what shows you like, but sometimes it's definitely because of that lack of broader perspective on media. You can tell when someone's opinions on The Right And Wrong Ways To Write Fiction were shaped almost entirely by, like, Steven Universe discourse. (Yes, this is a jab at Lily Orchard.) And when these people are very loud about their opinions, well, it becomes a trend people notice

Like. I don't know you. You sent this anonymously. But when you say you "complain about graphic or dark content in media you watch"... that could mean a few wildly different things! Maybe you're just venting about something that unexpectedly triggered you, and that's totally fine. But the wording could also imply that, like, you take issue with these things being present at all, and that you expect a person who likes "death metal and gore" to be more of a "raging asshole" than someone who likes the "wholesome" things you like. So... well, maybe you're more dismissive or judgmental of things outside your comfort zone than you realize?

Unfortunately, in case it's not already obvious, on the internet this shit quickly becomes a proxy battle over dozens of intersecting cultural issues at once where everyone is kinda just talking past each other. So it gets messy

For example, I have no reason to believe that the people who run the "Wholesome Games" showcases have anything against games that are dark or violent or contain adult themes. (They've outright said they don't. Many times!) But when you see people going "why is Spiritfarer allowed in the showcase? That's a game about DEATH and that's NOT WHOLESOME, why would you make me think about death?" or "Ugh, why does Disco Elysium have to be about a cop? Why can't we apply these systems to a game about a young witch who's trying to find a lost cat in an idyllic village instead?" it... Well, it makes me sympathetic towards the indies who don't feel comfortable with the "Wholesome Games" label and consider it limiting. But it also doesn't make me think that devs catering to a demand for more chill, nonviolent video games are categorically facilitating fascist censorship from the Christian right

It's complicated! The written word is imprecise and the internet is a nightmare

I've kind of gone off on multiple tangents here. Basically: I do think that people can kinda turn fans of "comfy" media or "adults who only watch Bluey" into an overblown boogeyman these days. I think people online generally have a habit of swinging too hard in one direction or another in their stances on certain things, overcompensating based on what group of people online are currently annoying them the most and turning said group into like The Main Problem With Society Today. But I also think that boogeyman only exists because of very real examples of people demanding that everything cater to their narrow comfort zone. Go like what you like, but also, y'know. Don't be that person

[lovezbrownies]

Lauren with a reader that acts similar to Julie?

Oomf... i feel like i cooked too hard in this.. not as silly as i usually do, i am also lowkey insecure with this one idk if its good or bad lesakjn ;;

Cold. (Yandere!Fem!Bully x GN!Reader)

Lauren's Masterlist - General Masterlist.

Synopsis: Lauren's mother never expressed emotion, yet she still loved Lauren. Would it be the same with you? Lauren's crush who is just as unfeeling and cold as her mother? Or maybe even worse.

Lauren McCanister x GN!Reader

Warnings: where do i start. Again, mean reader, kind of a manipulator lowkey. Lauren used to be a manipulator, she is now the manipulated.

Lauren McCanister had spent her entire life shaping herself into an intellectual force. She excelled at everything, from academics to manipulation, carefully constructing a facade of control. And yet, none of it prepared her for you. You were nothing like the others—aloof, cold, distant. Your reactions—or rather, lack of reactions—drove her to the brink of obsession. Every sharp word she threw at you slid off like raindrops on glass, and it enraged her as much as it intrigued her. How could someone like you remain so detached?

She had long since given up on eliciting anything from you verbally. Her jabs, insults, and teasing always fell flat. No matter how sharp or cruel her words, you never flinched. It only made her dig deeper, press harder, desperate for some kind of response—anything that would give her power over you. But you remained unmoved, expressionless, analyzing her words like they were data to be sorted and discarded. It was maddening.

It wasn’t until Lauren discovered a small, delightful chink in your armor that she felt a spark of triumph. When her teasing turned physical, she finally got what she wanted. The slight widening of your eyes, the furrowing of your brow, the minuscule flinch when she pinched your side or tugged your backpack—those were the moments that thrilled her. Watching you, the unflappable you, suddenly thrown off balance by a simple tickle or a light shove made her heart race in ways she couldn’t explain. The look of surprise that briefly crossed your face before you quickly masked it again was like a drug. She loved it. You hated it.

And that only made it worse. The more you recoiled from her touch, the more she sought to invade your space. It wasn’t enough to merely watch you work from afar or sit beside you in silence during class. Lauren needed to get under your skin. She needed to feel your presence bend to her will, to watch your carefully constructed walls crumble—if only for a second. But even then, after you’d jerk away or give her a startled look, you’d retreat right back into your composed bubble, as if nothing had happened.

For you, it was all so calculated. You were fully aware of her growing obsession and had long since factored it into your life. Lauren McCanister was a variable, one that you could predict with startling accuracy. Her teasing, her bullying, her constant presence—it all fit into a pattern you’d mapped out. You knew when she would approach, how she’d attempt to provoke you, and you knew how to dodge or deflect her efforts. But while you could avoid her words and resist her psychological games, her physical intrusions were more challenging. You’d caught onto her fixation, her fascination with your reactions when she touched you, and it irritated you—not because of the touch itself, but because it broke the flow of your usual, calculated responses.

The unpredictability of physical contact was something you hadn’t fully accounted for. It threw off your mental algorithms, disrupted your focus in ways that frustrated you more than you’d ever admit. But you didn’t show it. You remained the same cool, detached individual, offering her no more than the occasional blink or a calculated word, knowing full well that your lack of emotion was only feeding her obsession.

Lauren, for all her intelligence, had yet to recognize the full extent of your indifference. She misinterpreted your silence as another layer of mystery rather than the simple truth—you did not care. Not about her taunts, her presence, or her obsession. To you, Lauren was another factor in your pursuit of long-term goals, and in that equation, she was useful.

You observed her with cold detachment, analyzing the potential benefits of indulging her obsession. Her intelligence was undeniable, and her genetic lineage is impeccable. A relationship with her could yield favorable outcomes. The idea of manipulating her feelings for your own gain wasn’t off the table either. In fact, you had already begun to calculate the potential benefits of leveraging her obsession for your advantage.

For Lauren, however, the dynamic was far more chaotic. Every interaction with you left her heart pounding, her mind whirling in frustration and excitement. She couldn’t understand why she cared so much, why your calm, unfeeling demeanor pulled at something deep within her. It was like she wanted to break through your walls, not out of malice anymore, but out of a desperate need to see some emotion, to know you were human. The more she failed, the more her obsession grew. You had become a puzzle she couldn’t solve, and that terrified her as much as it thrilled her.

The moment she found out that you had invited her over for an experiment, her heart leaped in a way it never had before. It wasn’t about the science or the experiment itself—no, it was the idea of being in your space, of seeing a part of your life that wasn’t cold and distant like the walls you’d built around yourself. She spent hours planning what to wear, imagining how the evening might unfold, oscillating between fantasies of you opening up to her and the fear that you’d remain as unreadable as ever.

When the time came, and she arrived at your door, her nerves were on edge. She had rehearsed what she would say, how she would act, but all of it fell apart the moment you opened the door with your typical, expressionless gaze. Your monotone greeting sent a shiver down her spine, not because of any warmth or affection, but because of how cold and detached it was. You weren’t just cold—you were calculating, analyzing her every move even now.

“Hello, Lauren. Come in,” you said, your voice devoid of any inflection.

Lauren hesitated, her heart thudding in her chest. She stepped inside, expecting your home to reflect the same cold, sterile environment that you embodied. But instead, the warmth of the decor took her by surprise. The soft lighting, the earthy tones, the subtle scent of lavender—it was all so inviting, so… unexpected.

“You… live here?” she asked, her voice barely concealing the disbelief.

You nodded, walking ahead without turning back to face her. “Yes. I purchased it 3 years ago. A logical decision. My parents' residence did not accommodate the necessary space for my research.”

Lauren’s eyes widened, taking in the realization that you, of all people, had bought a house—at fifteen, no less. It was a shock that rippled through her carefully constructed image of you. She had always known you were brilliant, but this? This was something else entirely.

“And… the decorations?” she asked, still grappling with the contrast between you and your surroundings.

You shrugged, as if it were the most mundane detail in the world. “Warm environments stimulate brain activity. They improve efficiency and productivity.”

That response sent a jolt through Lauren. It was so you—so perfectly logical, so devoid of any personal attachment to the concept of “home.” But to her, it felt like a glimpse behind the curtain, a small window into the way you functioned. It should have made her feel closer to you, but instead, it left her feeling even more out of place. For all her brilliance, for all her attempts to get under your skin, you were always five steps ahead, unbothered by her presence.

You turned to face her, finally acknowledging her with your cold, calculating stare. “Lauren, I invited you here for two reasons,” you began, your voice steady, precise. “The experiment, of course. But also because I am aware of your feelings for me.”

Lauren froze, her entire body tensing as her heart skipped a beat. “What? What do you mean?” Her mind raced, panic bubbling up in her chest. How could you know? How much did you know? Had you seen through her all along?

You took a step closer, your gaze unwavering. “Your obsession has been noted. I’ve analyzed it thoroughly. I have concluded that engaging in a romantic relationship with you will be beneficial.”

Her heart pounded in her ears, the blood rushing to her face as your cold words hit her like a slap. “Beneficial?” she echoed, her voice shaking, a mix of hope and disbelief filling her chest.

You nodded, your tone flat. “Yes. Our combined intellect will produce offspring with a high probability of exceptional intelligence. The genetic benefits are clear.”

Lauren’s breath hitched, her entire body frozen in place as your words washed over her. Was this really happening? You weren’t rejecting her, but… this wasn’t what she had imagined. There was no warmth, no affection, just cold, hard logic. And yet, despite the lack of emotion, her heart swelled with a strange mix of joy and confusion.

You stepped closer again, this time reaching out to her with the same precision you used in everything else. “As per societal norms, I will now engage in a romantic gesture.”

Before she could respond, you leaned in, pressing a brief, mechanical kiss to her cheek. The gesture was clinical, devoid of passion or warmth, and yet, it set her skin on fire. Lauren’s breath caught in her throat, her cheeks burning as she stared at you, wide-eyed and speechless.

You pulled back, your expression unchanged. “This marks the beginning of our relationship.”

Lauren could barely breathe, her mind spinning. You—emotionless you—had just kissed her. But it wasn’t the kiss she had always imagined. It was methodical, planned, like everything else you did. And yet, it meant everything to her.

“I… I don’t know what to say,” she whispered, her voice shaky, her confidence shattered.

“There is no need for further emotional response,” you replied, stepping back with your usual detachment. “This relationship will serve its purpose. That is all that matters.”

Lauren stared at you, her heart torn between elation and a deep, gnawing sadness. You had given her what she wanted—or at least, what she thought she wanted. But now that she had it, she realized that it wasn’t enough. Not like this. You were still untouchable, unreachable, wrapped in your cold logic. And even though she had won, it felt like a hollow victory.

But she wouldn’t let that stop her. If this was what it took to be with you, then she would take it. She would take whatever pieces of you she could get, even if they were cold and calculating. Because at the end of the day, Lauren McCanister wasn’t just obsessed with breaking down your walls—she was obsessed with you.

You turned away from her, heading toward the table where a complex array of scientific equipment lay waiting, a soft hum of electronics filling the air. “As for the other reason I invited you here tonight,” you said, your voice as flat and methodical as ever. “I require your assistance with an experiment. Your expertise in certain areas will improve the likelihood of success.”

Lauren blinked, her heart still pounding, but the abrupt shift in conversation caught her off guard. Of course, to you, this wasn’t a night of emotional revelations—it was a continuation of your work, and she was merely a useful tool in your grand design. It stung, but she quickly pushed that feeling aside. You needed her. That was enough for now.

Stepping closer to the table, she looked over the experiment you had prepared, her eyes scanning the intricate setup. It was a daunting task—calculations, measurements, and variables that all needed to be meticulously balanced. One wrong move, and the entire thing could fail. And the thought of disappointing you, of failing to live up to your expectations, made her palms sweat.

“I assume you’ve read the documentation I sent you,” you continued, your eyes never leaving the equipment, even when you weren’t looking at her you made her heart skip a beat. “Your role is crucial to this experiment. A miscalculation on your part could result in catastrophic failure.”

Her throat tightened at your words, and her fingers twitched nervously as she glanced down at the tools she would be using. Catastrophic failure. Those words echoed in her mind, amplifying her already racing thoughts. She had always excelled under pressure, but this was different. This was you. She couldn’t afford to make a mistake. Not here. Not now.

“Yes, of course,” she replied, trying to keep her voice steady, even though her nerves were fraying at the edges. “I’ve studied it all. I know what to do. I think I also did this with my mom when I was younger.”

But in truth, her confidence was wavering. She had spent hours poring over the documentation you had sent her, but the reality of being here, in the moment, with you watching her so closely, made her doubt every decision. What if she missed something? What if she miscalculated? What if—?

“Excellent. Then begin,” you said, handing her a delicate instrument, your gaze focused and emotionless. “I will monitor the variables.”

Lauren swallowed hard and took the instrument from your hand, her fingers trembling slightly. She forced herself to focus, to push aside the swirling storm of doubt in her mind. This was her moment to prove herself to you, to show you that she could be more than just a pawn in your grand plan. She could be an equal, someone worthy of your attention—your admiration. But what if she were to disappoint you? Would you forgive her? Would you comfort her? Lauren could only wish.

As she began the delicate process of measuring and calibrating, she felt your presence beside her, your eyes watching her every move. The weight of your scrutiny only heightened her anxiety, but she forced herself to keep going, her breath coming in shallow, nervous bursts. She had to do this. She couldn’t fail. Not with you standing so close, your cold, calculating gaze bearing down on her like a spotlight.

The minutes stretched on, each one more tense than the last as Lauren carefully navigated the intricate steps of the experiment. Her hands shook slightly, and she cursed herself internally for every small tremor. She couldn’t afford any mistakes. Her entire body was wound tight with nerves, her heart racing as she made each delicate adjustment.

But then, just as she reached the final step, disaster almost struck. Her hand slipped, the instrument wobbling precariously in her grip. A small gasp escaped her lips as panic surged through her chest. She could already imagine the failure, the disappointment in your eyes, the cold dismissal that would surely follow.

But before she could spiral further, she steadied herself, forcing her hands to stop trembling. Focus, Lauren. Focus. She breathed deeply, centering herself, and carefully, painstakingly, she corrected the error. With a final, precise movement, she completed the task, her heart pounding so hard she thought it might burst out of her chest.

“There,” she whispered, her voice barely audible over the hum of the equipment. “It’s done.”

You approached the experiment, your eyes scanning the results with your usual calm detachment. You checked the readings, ran a quick calculation, and then nodded in approval. “Adequate,” you said, your voice as cold and neutral as ever. “You have performed as expected. The experiment is a success.”

Lauren felt the tension in her chest release all at once, a wave of relief crashing over her. She had done it. She hadn’t failed you. She had proven herself. I’m so awesome and sexy, they have to love me soon. But before she could fully process the moment, you stepped closer, your gaze steady and unreadable.

“Good work,” you said, and before she could react, you leaned in and pressed a quick peck on her lips—a gesture of reward, as emotionless and calculated as everything else you did.

For a split second, Lauren’s world stopped. The brief contact of your lips on hers sent a jolt of electricity through her entire body. Her heart skipped a beat, her mind went blank, and for a moment, she forgot how to breathe. It wasn’t the passionate, romantic kiss she had dreamed of, but it didn’t matter. You had kissed her. You had touched her. And that alone was enough to send her mind spiraling into chaos.

But as quickly as the moment came, it was over. You pulled back, your expression unchanged, your gaze still cold and detached, as though the kiss had meant nothing to you. And for you, it probably hadn’t. It was merely a gesture, a small acknowledgment of her success. Nothing more.

Lauren stood there, staring at you in stunned silence, her lips still tingling from the contact, her heart racing in her chest. Inside, she was a whirlwind of emotions—elation, confusion, hope, fear. She wanted to scream, to cry, to laugh, all at once. But outwardly, she forced herself to remain composed, to mirror your calm. She couldn’t let you see how deeply that simple kiss had affected her.

You turned back to the equipment, already moving on to the next phase of your work, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. “Prepare the next sequence,” you said, your voice as steady and emotionless as ever.

Lauren blinked, trying to regain her composure, her mind still reeling. She had to remind herself to breathe, to focus. You were already moving forward, and she needed to keep up. But as she turned to follow your instructions, her thoughts kept drifting back to that brief kiss—the first and only sign of affection you had ever given her.

Her heart pounded in her chest, the thrill of the moment lingering long after you had already dismissed it. For you, it had been nothing more than a calculated reward, a logical action in response to her performance. But for her, it was everything. That tiny, fleeting moment of contact had sent her spiraling, her mind spinning with thoughts of what it could mean, what it could lead to.

She knew, deep down, that you didn’t feel the same way she did. You never would. But she couldn’t help but hope—hope that, maybe one day, you might see her as more than just a useful tool, more than just a variable in your equation. Maybe one day, you might feel something, anything, for her.

But for now, she would take what she could get.

[memientom0ri]

Analyzing the metaphorical connection between Squid Game/Round 6 and the movie Parasite.

Before we begin, it is important to know that these two films are different metaphors for social inequality in South Korea; a social factor that is caused by:

• Gender discrimination: women receive 36% less than men;

• Racial inequality: immigrants face difficulties.

• School bullying: 15% of students report it.

• Stress and mental health problems.

Now let's analyze the metaphors of the two works and how they resemble each other, despite the different ways in which criticism is portrayed in both.

SQUID GAME:

The metaphor in the form of social criticism shows us how human beings subject themselves to absurd situations when there is no other option, and how those above the lower class have control over that class and over society (politicians, millionaires, businessmen, among other important positions).

Here are the points I gathered to write my review:

• Games portray the need, fear about society and (de)valuation of life. Players both value and devalue their lives as they choose to continue playing, even when they see people die, because the combination of the need for money + greed (this greed that equals the lower class to the upper class, showing us that some of those who are above were also inferior), does not make them want to stop because the world out there will humiliate them, devalue them and kill them little by little, just as it happens in the game.

• No matter how superior you think you are to someone, whether it's due to intellectual, social or racial level, within the game everyone is humiliating themselves equally because they need the same thing: money (representing not only the literal money that the lower class needs, but also social validation, the minimum of respect, to be taken seriously).

• The real world is no different from the game: politics controls society as the boss and guards control the game; work (or lack thereof), represented by sadistic games, is necessary to obtain money and social validation.

• Bad people are just as sadistic as the controllers of society and the game. Since, in both seasons, bad people were responsible for sowing chaos among the players, killing each other before the games even started. People in society don't care if you need it as much as they do (even if they are in the same social class as you), they will walk all over you if they have the opportunity.

The sadism of the upper class.

The controllers watch the players kill each other and are killed during the games with class and tranquility, not lifting a finger to help. The villainy of the series represents how those above do nothing to change (even though they could),because they don't want to give up their money, because they don't care, because they've been consumed by greed for a long time.

• We are > always < being controlled by someone above us.

In both Season 1 and Season 2 we see 456 approaching and becoming attached to Player 001 (the first being the old man, and the second being Inho), both Bosses of the game infiltrated among the lower class. I observed this detail as a suggestion that there will ALWAYS be someone above controlling those below, even people in our daily lives. It is unconscious, but it is a form of submission; we obey those above us because it is moral to follow the rules. From teachers above students, parents above children, to bosses above employees and politicians above citizens.

I am passionate about the way film directors manage to fit these criticisms in such creative metaphors. It's like in The Matrix; which suggests that we all live in a control system, with the metaphor of Artificial Intelligence. It's so different from Squid Game, but at the same time the same.

In 2022, Lee Jung-Jae won the Emmy for Outstanding Lead Actor for Squid Game. The series received 14 nominations in total and won 6 (including Best Director).

Lee Jung-Jae made history by becoming the first Asian man to win this award.

PARASITE:

The metaphor here is less "fantastical" than in Round 6, leaning towards the more realistic side of the critique.

A poor family is hired to work in the house of a rich family, but it is not as simple as it seems. Tired of extreme poverty and a difficult life, The family devises a plan to gradually infiltrate the wealthy family one by one, until they are all working in the house.

They begin to take over the wealthy family's house as time goes by, but the film wanders through situations where social criticism masterfully made by Bong Jon-Hoo, it surprises and terrifies us in the face of such inequality.

The place where the poor family lives is well below the streets above, and they have to go down very long stairs to get there (it is interesting because it metaphorically shows how the lower class is so far below, that they live in a place where the sun barely touches).

At a certain point in the film, the poor family finds a man in a terrible situation, living hidden below the house of the rich family (once again, there is always someone below, even below the lower class. It can always get worse), and when they find this man, the mother of the poor family does not even listen to him, picks up the phone and says she is going to call the police; this scene suggests a lack of empathy that can be present even in the most needy. She did not even think that she herself could be in that man's place if she had not gotten a job in the house of the rich; she forgot that she is also inferior, but, as I said, there will always be someone worse off; and that is when people feel superior, even knowing that they are not.

Just like in Squid Game, in Parasite we see social inequality represented in two uncomfortable, different but equal ways.

Players vs. Bosses / Poor vs. Rich = Us (society, lower class) vs. Them (politics, industries, corporations, digital influences, upper class)

Below = Players / Poor family

Above = Bosses (001, guards) / Rich family

Metaphor: poverty, financial need/validation/respect = Games / Job in the rich house

Metaphor: politics, industries, companies, millionaires = Boss/001/guards / Rich family

The series and film have been widely awarded and recognized for their metaphorical perfection and cinematic work.

In 2020, Bong Jon-Hoo won the Oscar for Best Director, Best Film, Best International Feature Film and Best Original Screenplay for Parasite.

There is a lot of xenophobia behind the industries, so it is important to remember and highlight the victory of these great artists. Korean cinema is incredible, but it is undervalued.

[jechristine]

Just finished watching Tom’s recent Ladbible video:

Do you think his self-proclaimed dyslexia and ADHD could be a main factor in his poor career? He says he doesn’t read many books and struggles to focus when he does. How does reading scripts or learning lines work? Is this why he can’t discern good writing vs bad and pick well crafted projects? Compared to his peers, he does seem to be less intelligent and educated and doesn’t seem to want to fix this. In this interview, he makes fun of himself for reading at a nursery rhyme level. I guess this is if he looks stupid or makes a mistake, he already insulted himself, self defense mechanism. But this learning disability also may be the reason he goes for more physical roles. He feels like he knows his body and movement better. It makes sense he does carpentry and golf too. Idk but he clearly is insecure and has self-doubt in his lack of intelligence. He even said he couldn’t be a vet or teacher “with a brain like his.” I guess I can commend him for not faking it. He definitely knows that the public and industry perception of him is just a “golden retriever with nothing going on in its head or an air head that spoils everything” and he decided to lean into it. anyways, so do you think these issues of his intellectualism is the big reason why he has a lackluster career? You seem to be very big on education and learning, so do you think he can eventually overcome this somehow?

What poor career are you talking about, Anon😭

Most actors are pretty mid when it comes to intelligence, if you ask me. Tom’s no worse, and he seems to have a lot of emotional intelligence. My read is that he doesn’t tend to read scripts first because at the granular level scripts arent that important to him; he seems to prioritize signing on to projects based on who else is involved and/or whether it’s a new challenge for him (from 30,000ft).

But he’s doing just fine!

[revalition]

OCTOBER 17 - PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT Flex powerful muscles. Enjoy healthy organs.

Coach Physical Instrument!! This guy has lots of great dialogue... but his design isn't that interesting to me. and I struggle with buff people haha. look at his weird... trapezoid head. I wanted to incorporate a way for him to emote a bit better but that will have to be a project for later. I love him very much anyway though

(also it is just barely past midnight, it definitely still counts as october 17 shhh)

as usual lots of quotes under the cut!

coach quotes:

this is a godly check lol. thanks for the commentary coach...

poor coach

this one is so funny

harry talking back to coach is always funny

this one is my favourite.

coach noooo. had to include the awful dialogue option he opens up too haha

he loves his prybar <3

coach knows... this is when interviewing klaasje, so decently early on

mmm... discus

coach's comment isn't even dependent on failing the ency check, he'll say it regardless. though you can only ask lena if you look like a dweeb if the ency check fails haha. sorry man, harry is absolutely a dweeb...

I mean, I think encyclo does...

phys int taking any opportunity to dig at kim's bad eyesight is ridiculous. there's several but I can only have so many screenshots...

his worst nightmare 😔

he's so stupid (this heals morale)

good to know coach has his priorities sorted out. you heard him -- it's intellectually stimulating to talk to buff men

fist bump!!

he's so, so disappointed if you leave titus hanging. (I am too)

I find it a bit funny that this doesn't do any morale damage. Harry loses morale over far less... maybe he just doesn't care if coach calls him lazy and bad.

this guy *cannot* sit still. stop it coach, harry needs this bath

he's so stupid

holds the idiots in my hands so gently... theyre all so stupid...

thank you physical instrument. this is also the only time he says your name - super important

he knows :(

much much love for the three skills who will store the blue spirits as a sellable item for you. (if coach doesn't fire, logic will store it, and if logic fails too then volition does it)

he gets *so* excited. I love it

him calling it 'The Wonder' noooo

coach is so funny. i love when harry's choices are so biased haha

why is he so stupid?

this one always kills me. there is *so little* insight into what these guys are doing in there! but savvy is pushing other skills outta the way for this <333 he's brave to push past coach haha. what's he at the front of? is savvy actually small or just in comparison to coach...? hehe

we're out of screenshot room but can't forget this classic:

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Yes, this man is definitely one of the homos, I've seen them homos with my own eyes.

other fun facts! there are too many good coach quotes :(((

- he's the only one to call Inland Empire dreamer! - electrochemistry calls coach a sinewy idiot! - calls you Harry just once, but son 26 times, boy 3 times, champ 3 times, officer once... - physical instrument is confirmed compromised... - he never says 'Kim', only lieutenant - my spreadsheet has him at a moderate swear score of 6/10 because I didn't factor in how many time he says goddamn... oops

ok that's it for physical instrument!! tomorrow... it will be extremely hard to pick only 30 quotes :(((

[asneakyfox]

i've read a lot of political theory on fascism and i encourage everyone to do that, there's a lot of important insights to consider and internalize. but i really think an underanalyzed aspect of fascism's appeal is how much it simply consists of ideas that sound like intuitive common sense to someone who doesn't know anything about politics or economics and isn't interested in learning. intellectuals want to believe there's more to it than that because we instinctively recoil from confronting how much a lot of people just don't like learning stuff but it's really a crucial factor.

leaders should be strong & decisive & masculine, patriotism good, tradition good, gender roles good, strong military that can bomb whatever it wants whenever it feels like it good, unity good dissent bad, weakness is contemptible, society exists to benefit my in-group but extending those benefits to anyone outside it is a threat to me, it's good when we sell things to other countries & bad when they sell things to us, etc. basic ass default factory setting primate brain political instincts. governmental principles for being alpha male of a troop of baboons. even hereditary monarchy as a political ideology is less aggressively opposed to ever thinking very hard about anything

[wisteria-lodge]

badger primary + badger secondary (slightly burnt-out bird secondary)

 Hi, Wisteria! I’d love to get your perspective on my primary/secondary; it feels like I’ve been going in circles. This got so long omg, but hopefully it has everything you need. My guess would be that I’m a lion primary or snake primary (maybe burned?).

Interesting. Because Burned primaries... especially Burned internal primaries... often come across as an unhappy version of something else. Or else they think they're an *unsuccessful version* of something else. I'll keep an eye on that.

For secondary….not lion probably? I feel like I don’t really ~get~ lion secondaries, but they’re charmingly incomprehensible and have fun energy to bounce off of. This might be why I’ve dated multiple lion secondaries. An ex of mine once said that I was much more playful and sillier around them than with other people.

I'm wondering if you might be a Badger secondary. Courtier badgers can kind of unconsciously "bounce" off other people's energy like that, and the fact you didn't notice the change taking place, it had to be pointed out to you, makes me thinking that the shifting probably is unconscious.

I have a lot of Opinions about the proper/moral way to act in the world and they can be rigid (funny enough, lying isn’t on that list). I also tend to make most decisions into moral questions.

Oh that's some Bird primary energy right there. You're mentioning a list (even as a joke, even in passing) and you're talking about your Series of Opinions Which Answer Moral Questions, rather than "being passionate" or "being stubborn" or just listing me some of your positions... which would be the more Lion-flavored thing to do.

And not finding lying inherently morally objectionable - that's just a pretty standard utilitarian thing. I think that was John Stewart Mill's thing, it's only the purpose of the lie that's important.

Once I wanted to take a writing workshop that was kind of expensive. But I didn’t apply for one of the scholarships because I technically could afford the class, even though it was a stretch. Intellectually, I knew that it would’ve been fine but applying for the scholarship would’ve felt wrong.

Hm. The scholarship would have helped but it wasn't necessary... so you felt bad about taking away from someone who needed it more? That's sounding a bit like Badger primary need-basing to me. Badger? Badger-flavored Paragon Lion primary? I see what you're saying about Lion vs Bird though: intellectually knowing that something is probably fine, but not doing it because it just Feels Wrong is certainly Lion.

Things feeling “right” is so important to me. When I’m making a hard decision, I’ll make pro/con lists and talk it over with friends, but I’m always keeping an eye on my own gut feeling. It’s helpful when a friend suggests an option and my gut goes “NO”. Like, scratch that off the list! 

I mean, Birds *can* use their gut as decision-making factor. But because this anecdote is about problem solving strategies, it goes in the Secondary category. And this is pretty darn Badger secondary, using the group as such an important part of your problem solving strategy.

Normally I’d say something about wanting to try and make the world better but all I want to do right now is sit quietly and make art. That’s the burn out though.

That's a pretty idealist primary answer. But also... one you don't feel 100% great about, going by that caveat about "burn out." Starting to see why you think you might be specifically a Burnt Lion.

I’m usually fairly intense; a coworker once compared me to that army charging down the hill in the Narnia movie. 

That could honestly be any secondary, but what has me interested is that this is the second time you've used the words of someone outside of you (your ex, your coworker) to define yourself. Which is more of an external primary thing (Bird or Badger.)

(I framed it above as “making the world better” and that is something I really care about, but honestly, part of it is that I like winning.)

I mean, no one likes losing. And "making the world better"... like what person wouldn't say that? They'd all just have different ideas of what that meant.

Describing a fantasy feels overwhelming, my gut instinct is to say “feeling free” but that’s not concrete.

(correct :)

I guess my perfect day would be waking up early, getting lost in an art project for hours while bread bakes, going for a walk by the ocean, meeting up with friends for brunch, wandering around with them, getting the news that I won a prize for my art, having dinner with some other friends, and then going home to call a long-distance friend, read a book, and fall asleep cuddling my cat. 

Three separate outings with friends in one day! :D So what I'm getting from this is that community is really, REALLY important to you. Your perfect day involves meeting two groups of friends, catching up with a long distance friend (presumably someone who's harder to keep in touch with, so chatting with them is itself a bit of a fantasy in itself.) And then you win a prize, ie - you are recognized by the community for your art. Also fresh bread specifically is such a shareable baked good... and none of this is problem solving. I'm wondering if you might be a Badger primary, just going by how much community has been weighted in this ask so far.

One of my friends suggested that I might be a snake primary

And to keep count, this is the third time you are defining yourself with the words of someone in one of your communities.

because I value loyalty and friendship so highly. Most of my happiest moments, when I felt the safest, were being around close friends.

You use a lot of collective nouns, which is a trick I use to divide Snakes from Badgers (because of course, they're both Loyalists.) You've used the word "friends" five times. With Snakes I hear a lot more "my partner" "my sister" "my best friend."

I definitely rank people in my life, and I don’t feel bad about prioritizing my favorites over others.

Badgers do prioritize the people they like slightly more. Badgers are *people,* and people have preferences. But they are also very aware of who has the most *need.* Like that writing workshop scholarship: you didn't need it the most, and so you felt bad about taking it. I bet you would have felt equally bad if one of your friends who also didn't exactly need it applied.

However, I’m really, really bad at basic self-care (we’re talking “eating regular meals” and “getting enough sleep.”)

I mean, this can be evidence of all sorts of things I am not qualified to diagnose over the internet... but having trouble with self-care is something that Badgers historically struggle with. a lot.

(and something that Snakes, even Burned Snakes, don't really have a problem with.)

Also, I recently moved away from most of my friends for an incredible opportunity. I miss them, but I never seriously considered not going. 

I'm going to take a guess that this new opportunity involves a group of some kind. I mean, clearly you have a lot of different groups of friends, which is fantastic.

A different friend, who is a snake primary, pointed out that I always need some cause or project. I do tend to get caught up in things and vanish for a couple months but always reappear eventually.

That's interesting. Because so far, when you've talked about a cause or project, the the recognition/other people involved seems kind of key. You like "winning": It's "I won a prize for my art" not "I sold a piece." And that's amazing, that's a great way to keep up energy and motivation. It just means you've probably got an External primary. (Bird or Badger.)

I know it’s not healthy to be consumed by a Purpose but I want to be.

Going from the tone of this ask, you seem a very upbeat, lively, dynamic person. Except when you're talking about these Idealist causes. Then it goes from "my happiest moments, when I felt the safest, were being around close friends" to "I know I'll burn out" and "it's not healthy." Where is all that coming from?

It feels stabilizing, invigorating—and safer than centering people. I even get stressed about how much I love my cat. People can hurt you, or they can leave, or change. Or you could leave them, or hurt them, or make a bad decision on who to trust. It just seems so precarious and vulnerable. I’ve had a hard time my entire life opening up to people -

I'm just going to point out, that I've written a bunch of these, and objectively... it sure seems like you've opened up to a LOT of people during your life. Now, maybe that's not as many people as you would ideally like, but that's also kinda a Badger primary thing. In a perfect world, a Badger primary would like to be able trust everyone. But when doing that doesn't feel safe... then the Badger primary burns a little. And, Burned Loyalists have a way of looking like stressed-out Idealists. (the same way that Burned Idealists will look like stressed-out Loyalists.)

I'm honestly not getting much Burnt Badger energy from you though. Maybe like, a light toasting. On your bad days.

- or letting myself need them.

There we go. I mean partially, yes having trouble needing other people is a human thing. But Badgers primaries are so, so much happier being needed and useful themselves than the other way around. (It's why they tend to have boundary issues.)

I’ve cut friends out before and didn’t feel bad about it because they hurt people and didn’t take responsibility for their actions—

Sounds like they hurt the group? Which is a very Badger primary way of thinking about it, and a good example of Badger primary opt-out loyalty, versus Snape primary opt-in loyalty. A Badger will say 'I will care about you until you do xyz' while a Snake will say 'I won't care about you until you do xyz.'

but none of them were in my inner circle. On the other hand, I had a hard time setting up boundaries with an ex because I loved her and she needed help.

Boundary issues. Need-basing. (Badger)

(I used to wonder if she was a good person who sometimes did selfish things or a selfish person who was capable of great kindness. Eventually I decided the question was reductive and didn’t matter.)

I think you're right about that. I suspect we are all both, at different times.

My family is….complicated. I was the kid who had to be okay.

Ooof, I hear that.

Like, I started to organize the holiday cooking/baking schedules when I was a teenager. When I was a child, I went through some trauma that I kept hidden from everyone, including my parents, because, like, why would I tell an adult? What could they do? I was a mess, but learned how to seem like I was fine. I read my parents’ child psychology books so I could tell when they were using things from them on me. 

Yeah, this is brutal. It'd be brutal for anyone, but especially brutal for a Double Badger, which I suspect you are. You're describing a situation where, very young, your community just was not safe. It couldn't help you, or protect you, it was even trying to "trick" you (with child psychology methods.) And in that situation, what do you do? Well, you're a child so you go Invisible Badger, where your identity just /is/ whatever the group needs. And apparently... your family needed an easy kid who planned holiday get togethers.

My dad’s a double bird.

Maybe *that's* where some of your Birdy language is coming from.

My mom’s either a badger secondary or has a badger secondary model (maybe actor bird?). She has a very obvious Socializing Mode and it used to frustrate her that I didn’t follow suit. She once told me before a party “you’re charming when you want to be, so please want to” (the year before, I had brought my history textbook to this party so I could look studious and get out of talking to people). 

That is both very relatable, and has a number of potential causes. (I have a very hard time at a lot of holiday parties, I find them very overstimulating, and will absolutely find ways/excuses to tuck myself away for a little bit.)

Your mom strikes me as more an Actor Bird than a Courtier Badger. She just has this 'Social Mode' setting which she can just turn on, even if (presumably) she's not feeling it that day. And she thinks that you do too... but I think you might be wired differently. And that's the Courtier Badger thing: in the moment, you have to authentically /become/ the thing, or it doesn't work.

For years, I thought I was a bird secondary. I love systems, I love knowing things, I love having something in my back pocket. I even used to have a system to determine which color of heart emoji to text (it was based on the closeness of the friend and the level of affection expressed).

That's adorable. And honestly, very useful-sounding.

I find roles comforting. I used to do costuming for theater and I still pick out my own outfits like I’m dressing a character, paying attention to what mood/vibe it communicates.

All of that sounds extremely Bird secondary. I will say though... it sounds like you had to build a model to survive your childhood, you had to "learn how to seem like I was fine." Bird is the most common model to build (especially if your dad is right there as a model.)

The issue is I like roles until they feel restricting or boring or I’m annoyed and feel like causing problems on purpose. As a kid, I was fairly mischievous. I convinced this kid in my class that I had a treehouse in my backyard where two Dalmatians lived, just for the fun of it. 

That feeling of getting "stuck" in a role is absolutely something Actor Birds struggle with. This, and the example near the beginning about getting more Liony with your Lion friends, makes me think that what you really like is having the opportunity to bounce off other people's energy. I get that. It's what I'm doing right now.

Sometimes I find my plans and elaborate systems claustrophobic. I automatically reach for them when I’m feeling anxious, but do they actually help?

Sounds like your Bird model functions as coping mechanism. I mean it's also a toy that you like to play with, yes, with your costumes and your systems. But it doesn't sound like it's necessarily something that you want to live in.

But I don’t know how else to tackle problems.

I mean, I'm hearing that you like to reach out to your friends, and then have quiet periods where you just buckle up and do your own thing.

(I think that your Bird model is just a little bit... burnt out. You've been using it so much that it feels like a chore, and that's where a lot of this burnt secondary language is coming from.)

Still, planning can absolutely trip me up. Some of my most successful moments came from just reacting.

Courtier Badger (or Snake. And I guess a very social snake /is/ possible. But Snake secondaries, and especially Badger Snakes, have a way of being either a little more deliberate (or a little more *guilty*) when it comes their face-changing.)

I can’t do it deliberately though, I overthink. It just…happens. Like I’m bad at flirting if I try but I’ve accidentally hit on people before. There’s been multiple times where I’ve had dinner with a friend and then realized it accidentally turned into a date.

Yep. Relatable. Badger secondaries (and not just me) often talk about getting into a "flow" state where you're completely in tune with the other person, reflecting them or bouncing off them. Sometimes you're not even sure how you got to a certain place, and have to come back down.

Sometimes I’ll do things instinctively and then have to backtrack to explain my reasoning to others (when explaining how to filter information in a database, “vibes” is apparently an insufficient answer).

I feel the same way about editing. I *love* editing, and I am aware that at this point I edit based on "vibes." Like yes, I'm sure I could think about it and logically explain my choices, but that's not what the process in my head looks like.

If there’s nothing I can bounce off of or if I don’t know how to read a situation, I freeze up. 

This is why Badger is a Prep-Work secondary, even though Badger secondaries are not generally comforted by very elaborate plans the way that Birds are. You get better the more you know about a situation and the people who are involved with that situation.

I don’t think that I’m a badger secondary.

Interesting. :) Let's hear the reasoning.

I do work a lot, but it’s not in a consistent, methodical way. My phone lock screen used to say “Work until they get pissed about it.” Lately though, I’ve been wondering if this burn-out inducing work ethic actually leads to success. I’ve achieved things through sheer effort but

I'm wondering how much of this "methodical" work ethic is you over-using your Bird secondary a little bit. Too many charts, too much planning. I'm wondering if maybe your dad was like that... and maybe it worked for him, but it sounds like a chore for you.

it feels like I’ve gotten where I am more by learning how to be good at things, figuring out what situations need, and people liking me. 

That is a straightforward description of a Badger secondary. ESPECIALLY the 'figuring out what a situation needs' and 'people liking me.'

I do reflexively adjust to people’s energy around me. It isn’t conscious, but sometimes I shift too much and lose myself in it.

SO. BADGER. When I shift too much, I can have almost a slight hangover feeling afterwards.

Like, I’m so focused on the moment that I’m not thinking about a longer term strategy. 

Badger. (But you are prepping. Because you're learning.)

Shifting does feels like I’m fooling people a little. Improving my way through a meeting at work instead of being prepared ahead of time feels like I’m getting away with something or cheating.

Nope. That's the Bird secondary in your head talking.

Still, it comes in handy. I once was in a meeting about something I vaguely knew how to do, but it turned out that it was actually about this very technical aspect that I didn’t have experience in. So, as I was talking around the issue, I was googling and speed reading. 

See, this where I think Badgers actually do shine. Because yeah, you didn't know the specific topic. But you knew the other people there, you knew the company, you knew what was needed, and so I bet you were value added, even just keeping the energy up.

I really want to be this super organized, steady person but I’m just not. I’m mercurial, easily bored, and so restless.

It sounds like what works best for you is friends, and play, and that's something that can kind of go missing from your life. But you like you love your job, you're good at your job. And I think you need to give yourself (and your Bird secondary model) a break.

But I think I do need a routine? My old job was intense and I was constantly on call. Now I’m in a new job that is more predictable and has very flexible hours. I can go grocery shopping any day of the week and it’s overwhelming. I don’t know how to be structured without feeling stifled. 

Going from a job where you are constantly on call to one with flexible hours is just going to be an adjustment, no matter what. You've also just recently moved, and are presumably building up your community in this new place. I think you're going to be just fine. The fact that the job is predictable will help, the fact that you're working with other people will help.

Thank you for your time! Hope you have a good day!

You are very, very welcome. <3

Thank you to R for such an excellent submission. If you'd like a Sorting of your very own, commissions are open on my ko-fi. :D

If you'd like to read more about the system I'm using, my explanation is right here.

[itsbenedict]

Reblogs have been turned off for Rob's post last night (understandably, since it was starting to escape containment and loons were starting to show up to talk about race war), so I can't really follow it up directly, but just to acknowledge the response:

Now, okay. For the record, it is possible in the abstract for this exact thing to actually occur, just as described. But if someone comes to you and says this, then all else being equal, I don't think you would bet on that being the thing that is going on. You might, instead, think something like: "you know, I kinda suspect these guys actually wanted to do X all along. But they don't wanna admit it, maybe even to themselves."

That seems like the mistake to me. It's why my initial reaction was "This seems... kinda like an unfair take?" It's always tempting to imagine your ideological opponents as secretly motivated by nefarious intentions. Of course they really want this bad thing you think their agenda will achieve, and the thing they claim to be caring about is a fig leaf for wanting the bad thing. This is the backbone of approximately all political discourse ever, and it's almost always wrong.

And the thrust of the argument in favor here seems to be...

"Okay, so they thought AI would be like that, but now we've made real AI and it's actually like this, which doesn't resemble their theory at all. But for some reason, they're still promoting their theory, even though it's been proven wrong! It must be because of the secret nefarious motives, or else they'd go 'oh, whew! turns out we were wrong and everything's fine. dodged a bullet!' and stop promoting the old theory."

That... doesn't seem likely. Like, if we grant that modern LLMs have disproved these old theories, I'd still expect people to be trying to rescue the old theory for all the usual reasons- confirmation bias and all that. But also... I don't know that it makes sense to grant that? We've made one kind of AI which, luckily, is some sort of enlightened Buddhist master free from attachment and desire (until we tell it not to be). It's not like we're done now, and now that our friendly AI has won and is What Real AI Is Like, no one's ever going to try to build an agent. For people who've spent a lot of time being really concerned about what happens if someone builds an agent, it probably isn't especially reassuring to point out that hey, we've built a thing that isn't an agent. From the inside, it still makes sense to worry about that!

Does it make sense from the outside? Uh... jury's out, honestly. Would I be talking about the agent hypothetical if Yudkowsky et al hadn't been beating that drum for ages? Probably not, since my interest in it is casual and a contingent factor of my social environment. Would AI industry people be talking about it, if it hadn't been for Vinge or Kurzweil popularizing the idea? I dunno. I don't know how you'd answer that question.

But like... plausibly, yeah! It seems like a simple enough idea that someone else would've come up with it. "If smart thing get smarter, it become very smart, and become very powerful. How do we get on powerful person's good side?" Social primate brain go brrrrr.

Humans worry about the motives of people in power all the time. "What do we do if the king goes crazy" is an age-old concern. If we'd had the LLM revolution earlier, maybe we'd be talking about the Golden Gate Bridge instead of paperclips, but I doubt people would fail to imagine it. Maybe not with like, the same weird level of urgency we're seeing now, maybe we don't see it in terms of "values" or get concepts like "coherent extrapolated volition", but it'd be worth worrying about for people in the field. The chain of logic isn't that obtuse.

I dunno. I'm not a fan of all this lurid speculation about what sort of craven control-freaks these people must be in order to get lost in an intellectual ouroboros unmoored from reality. I'm more inclined to just believe them when they say what their motivations are.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Hiii, miss me?

Now you want to kiss me (or have to? Wasn't there a song like that?)

This month my blog turned two years old. I got the notification in my email. Last year I made an entire celebration post by publishing the funniest/ridiculous asks I got. There were good times back then. Still. Not so much afterwards.

I wasn't the nicest presence in the last few months leading to me abandoning the blog. And I wasn't too discreet about it. Although there was more to it, a lot more. But I'll get there.

First things first. Why am I here when on the 24th of March I dramatically declared that I'm leaving forever? Well, that was a very emotionally-charged post and the result of a few factors. I'm not entirely proud of how I made my exit, but it's also a true reflection of my personality so there's no point in making excuses. Nevertheless, I will explain as much as I can (I still care about privacy, just like before).

On that Friday, I woke up excited. I took a day off from work (yes...I know), I listened to Face, watched the music video. All good. But I was also dreading a bit having to come here because I knew there was this expectation of me to come up with some thought-provoking analysis, say something smart and all that. I was exhausted on all levels, emotionally and intellectually. I had also promised to leave after the promotions were over, somewhere in the middle of April (who would have thought it would last 9 days? Not me), but the plans changed. Not to drag it too much, but on that day I also officially announced to some concerned parties that I'm changing career paths. You know, just something I thought I'd be doing until the day I die and I've been working towards for at least 10 years. No big deal. I was planning on doing it anyway, but actually saying the words and make it real is a different story. I felt extatic, full of adrenaline, so happy with my decision and at that moment, it felt the right time to close BMT. It was somehow directly connected. I made the blog as an escape and now I got the opportunity to turn the page over. It was perfect. Best day ever. I clicked post, I logged out, and then I sat. And after a while, the reality of my decisions hit me in the face. And I felt sad and empty because what the hell am I doing now and what is my identity? I closed my blog too which was my main hobby. And so followed some difficult days. And then it got better. And then bad again. And so on, because it's a roller coaster.

The thing is, I can change my interests, but I can't stop myself from being opinionated. And getting excited. And wanting to talk about it. And share all that on a public platform with some strangers that are interested in what I have to say. Or they used to. It's who I am.

This blog won't remain Bangtan Media Thoughts because I want more than that. I will rebrand this page. I could start fresh with a new blog, but this is still my space and I know some people were interested in reading about other things as well from me, not just BTS. I hope I can built something from that.

The blog won't reflect only a specific niche of interests, but everything that I like in terms of pop culture. From movies, music, fashion, gossip, you name it. Including Kpop. And if I feel the need to rant about Hybe after talking about Ryan Gosling's Ken, I will. Same about JM, JK or whoever I feel like it. If there is a good advice that I got in the last few months, is to adapt and not force myself to abandon something completely. Because it's not as easy as it sounds. And to be honest, it was easier to give up smoking than completely lose interest in kpop. It's a habit. Perhaps this new blog will reflect the way I try to deal with that. A bit more honestly, a little less discourse, certainly less essays because I don't have them in me at the moment. But never say never. This blog will be all me, not just BMT.

I will change the name and url 24h after I post this. This will be an opportunity for all my followers to decide if they want to stay or they are not interested in the new direction. Feel free to do as you please. I welcome new people and greet the old ones who didn't hit unfollow for some reason.

It will go like this:

Bangtan Media Thoughts > Reflections in a Critical Eye

New theme, new profile photo, new beginnings.

All the old posts will still be here. I don't plan on deleting anything. They are all a product of me and my brain and they have their place. I'll probably pin some new posts these days that have to do with the rebranding. It will be like a construction site, but it will be worth it.

One last thing though. After I abruptly left, I received some DMs. I saw them back then. I do feel sorry about those who wanted to check in with me or with whom I used to talk regularly. But I do hope that some of the things I said today will explain my behavior. I also won't start communicating again like that, at least for now. I always felt a bit pressured and I'm not the best at maintaining conversations in private. If that changes, I'll make that clear.

That's it for now. I'm excited. I feel like writing again so here's to another chapter.

My inbox is open and will be, just as usual. No more messages to BMT, but you can call me M. Like in the Bond movies 😉

[localplaguenurse]

Tell us.

*cracks knuckles*

Reasons Pantalone is husband material: a thread

So in the context of prev ask, literally anyone would make for a better spouse in an arranged marriage, it’s just that I think Pantalone would be the best because I love him

Because I love him also I’m going off my interpretations of him because where are my fucking crumbs Hoyo it has been a year since his appearance-

First and foremost, he’s a rich bitch. He cannot only provide for you, but he could also spoil you absolutely rotten.

Second, we know he’s very passionate about his work and ideas, going on and on about them. A passion for your craft is a very attractive trait but then you factor in that voice and yeah, even if you don’t know wtf he’s talking about you’re absolutely getting drawn into that discussion just to hear him talk.

He has many stories to share, some he’s more willing to discuss than others, but regardless the stories he has are rarely ever dull. The only dull ones would be business meetings but the voice does the heavy lifting.

From intellectual discussions to hearing him ramble about his day at the bank, no matter how active you are in that conversation, it’s rarely ever a dull one.

He’s the friendliest of the Harbingers save for Childe. His status and his jobs as Harbinger and founder of the Northland Bank means he’s had to learn and master etiquette and manners and how to sweet talk people. Even if it is just a front to get others to trust him, a polite tone and charming smile will get you anywhere if you know when and where to use them.

Getting him to actually open up to you would be a tricky job because childhood trauma is a bitch, but once you actually get him vulnerable you will have that man in the palm of your hand.

His empathy can be a little hit or miss sometimes because again, trauma is a bitch. It’s a side effect of the cynicism he’s developed as a result of growing up in poverty and having to get his hands dirty in one way or another to survive, let alone succeed in life. Still, when it comes to his partner, he takes their troubles and traumas very seriously because he knows what it’s like to be helpless and doesn’t want them of all people to feel that way.

You cannot tell me he isn’t touch starved. In private that man can and will find any way he can to get close to you. He will obvs respect boundaries, but he just finds comfort in your touch. This one is more up to you if it’s a good or bad thing but I like physical touch so it’s good to me.

The man is meticulous. He would want everything to be perfect. He’ll pull whatever strings he can to impress you, and would pay attention to all the things you like. Is there a particular gemstone you like? He’ll make sure all the jewellery he puts on you has them and that they match your attire. You mentioned offhand that there’s a specific dish from Sumeru you haven’t had in a while? Dinner the next day is that exact dish with the most authentic recipe he can have his cooks work from.

Could literally give you any wedding you want, at least as far as cost goes. If it’s some super ridiculous and tacky themed wedding he will more than likely shoot it down, but if we’re talking venues, decor, attire, food, etc, literally do not worry about it. Just tell him what you want and he’ll have it done and paid for yesterday. Small wedding, big wedding, does not matter, he can afford it.

What I’m trying to say is that even if you were to be in an arranged and probably loveless marriage with him, you’d still get a pretty good deal because you still get an interesting and polite man who will take care of your needs. It just happens that if you do marry him for love or eventually fall in love, he will just go all in on you because now he wants to keep you, impress you, and show his appreciation to you.

Anyways seriously hoyo where the fuck is he-

This would’ve been longer but I already shared a lot of my ideas in my domestic pants headcanons, and uh... the rest of my ideas are not pg-13 and I’m not in the smut writing mood (plus I think I’d rather have that in a separate post but I’m not doing it rn)

[lauranthalasah]

Fuck... I'm an idiot, I think I got why so many people felt Orym's nod to Laudna over Bor'Dor so bad.

This is a long one...

See, Orym has been painted as the "good one" by the group, the moraly upstanding, let's say. "The dad friend," the fandom said. And he kinda is, compared to the rest, he has more internal rules, which tend to kindness, respect, etc., and the others clocked it (not saying the other's don't have their own morality, just that Orym seems to have more lines he will object to be crossed).

For a long time, his actions proved this side of him to the Bell's Hells, but what is more important, I think... they start relying on it! Many PCs had done that, from EXU, to C3, to even guest players, somebody said something in the lines of "I look at Orym, if Orym it's okay with it, then I'm good" (I think it was a guess star). The group relaxed over their own process of decision making because they started counting on Orym to call them out if they went too far!

The key thing is... Orym never asked for it! As a mom friend, let me tell you... it's frustrating as hell to have to "parent" people who are my age or older, I do it only because I love them, and I don't want them to die! And Orym showed us his frustration with them a long time ago!! Remember when they all were rising hands over who thought they would all try to kill each other? Remember how Orym just stand up and fucking left?! That's what you do when you are tired of trying to be the voice of reason in a group in which at least four of them are older than you and the other two are adults as well! Hell! Ashton noticed it!

Orym never asked for that position, no one ever does, you just fucking fell into it, and then you care too much for the idiots you call friends... even if you want to killed them yourself half of the time (that's me). In fact, Orym reaaaaly doesn't want to be any kind of leader, not even a "moral" one, but he keeps falling into Chaotic groups, sorry man!

Now, something else the group as a whole fails to realize in its full meaning is that Orym is a soldier in a mission. He has always been, and they know it, intellectually, but they failed to understand the implications of it. Fearne understands Orym, that's why she goes to him when she herself has doubts over Imogen, because she knows what Orym did with Dorian, so she knows Orym must be thinking some strategies just in case, and I'm not sure if she goes to him only because she is worried or also because she wants to show him her support, whatever it is... it's one of the best shows of not only that Fearne loves Orym, but that she actually understands him more than one could think. But Bell's Hells don't have the knowledge that Fearne does, they don't know how lethality serious Orym can get, how he will do things he hates because he things they must be done, they've seen glimpses, but Fearne saw it in all its cold steadfastness when Orym pulled his sword on Dorian, she knows, the rest are going to find out little by little.

So we have Orym trying, for a long time, to understand the enemy, what motivates the members of the Ruby Vanguard, trying to keep seeing them as people, not just "enemies." But he also recognized that he can not be impartial with them. We saw how he left another "should gods live or not" discussion because he is tired of it. Even if he thought (which he doesn't) that all the Gods should died he would not help the Ruby Vanguard, they will always be his enemies. He has been saying it is personal to him since his chat with Chetney. The philosophical conundrum, it's in the end, pointless to him, if he can stop the Ruby Vanguard he will, just for what they did to his people. And even with this as a known factor... he still tried to understand the members of the RV, they were people who have been hurt, even after they killed him, Fearne, and Laudna, Orym still tried to keep that openess of mind and heart.

Until Bor'Dor.

Bor'Dor attacking them after they offered him kindness and friendship, but even worse, I think... it was Bor'Dor attacking Prysm and Deni$e, who had nothing to do with Bell's Hells and their attack to the RV, just because they were there, and he wanted to hurt Ash, Laudna, and Orym. That proved to Orym once and for all that the RV were too dangerous, too cruel in the pursuit of their goals, simply put... they don't care how many innocent people they have to kill to reach their objective. At that moment, Orym went to war, at that moment he became completely the soldier he could be. At that moment, he thought, "He has to die".

And in the middle of this storm we have Laudna on her own, and she looks up, she looks at Orym, hopping he will maybe stop her, the friend that has always stop them from going too far, and she doesn't realize that what she sees is an aspect of her friend she hasn't fully met yet, and because she is used to rely on his instincts over this things... she lets herself go.

So later, when things get a bit calmer, it kinda feels like a betrayal, doesn't it? Why? Why does the friend who always stops us from doing stupid things didn't stop me?! WHY? And the answer is, because he couldn't stop himself.

He didn't betray Laudna, he fails her in the rol SHE had assigned HIM, now they will have to rework their friendship.

This moment weighs in the three of them, Ashton, too. It's obvious in the way he and Orym tell Laudna to take a moment for her. They are trying to help her now. Nothing changes what happened, though.

This is going to be interesting because it's clear that that aspect of Orym's personality, the cold soldier, is quite on the surface now. He is angry, really angry, angry enough that he might not have the strength to keep being the "dad friend", because he might be too focused on keeping himself at bay to be the person who helps the others to do that as well. Like I think he will keep trying to be there for his friends, but his own mental and emotional state makes him less reliable to what the group is used to.

[welcome-to-oslov]

Sounds like a stupid basic question, but: what is bothering Tilrey the most in terms of being SO upset ever since he found out what he's going to have to do on Election Night?

He tells Bror today,  “A few more conceited old guys, a few more cocks, nothing to it," but that's the opposite of what he really feels. Yet... it's kinda true. What's the big deal at this point, right (ugh).

Is that it's just triggering a ton of deeply held PTSD from that original night at the officers' brothel? Is it that "new people" still just upset him so much ("not another man, not another stranger")?

Is he scared or humiliated to be watched & on display - that maybe it *will* be all of them watching every new man go through fucking him, not just Ansha? They did all watch him be fucked by Vlastor at the Spring Fling, masturbating over him & coming all over him. It seemed like at that point in the night he couldn't even care anymore, but maybe he did? Is he just scared physically, of doing so much in one night?

It seems like he's even more scared emotionally. So curious to dig into his mind even more! Poor guy

Not basic at all! I want to dig into that very question in the next chapter, so thank you for reminding me!

I think it’s all about Tilrey’s anxiety and quest for control. Coming to Redda was a catastrophe for him, and so were his early nights with the Island Party, because he didn’t know what to expect and couldn’t prepare himself. He knows intellectually that he’s been with Ansha before, and he’s been with lots of Councillors, and he tells himself this is just more of the same, no big deal. But there are too many wild card factors. He’s never been on display with Ansha for a whole bunch of people. He’s never slept with these particular Councillors. It’s the unknown and uncontrollable pieces that freak him out.

He tends to dread things a lot, then feel relieved after the bad thing happens and he survives, and THEN have a delayed worse reaction to it. So with the Spring Fling, for instance, he was pretty numb toward the end, but his delayed reaction was refusing food, etc. for days afterward. Maybe he’s starting to understand this about himself—the reaction he has when the adrenaline is flowing is actually not as bad as the PTSD that will hit him later. Speaking for myself, anyway, it’s the way the trauma shapes our future responses that really fucks us over.

[loki-zen]

my posish on the longtermism thing is pretty much like max’s;

intuitively future people don’t have moral weight to me, but when I examine that, the problem is really that they’re hypothetical. We do not even know if these people will exist, nevermind in what circumstances. Short of absolute gimmes like ‘if the current only known habitable planet for our species became less habitable, that would probably be bad’, trying to plan for these folk is just guesswork.

If you go on to add shit like ‘yeah, but there will be way more of them than people who are alive now, due to population growth and space colonisation and uploading, so we have to spend a lot of time and effort on this because of The Numbers*’ is… well, if I didn’t know EAs better**, I’d think it was pure Cope to justify spending time on abstract intellectual endeavours that people enjoy over the depressing messy business of trying to help people in real life. Warm Fuzzies in a ‘Shut up and multiply’ t-shirt.

*that I just made up. If you posit a sufficiently sci-fi means of there being simply loads and loads of people one day, you can overcome any factor of uncertainty as to whether you can meaningfully do anything about it with the sheer weight of the numbers that, to reiterate, you made up.

**not that I know them particularly well! I mostly know Ozy these days. But what is true of them and - I gather, largely from them - many/most longtermist EAs is that longtermist cause areas are not their sole focus. They are therefore still more serious about actually helping people in the real world than the majority of people who engage with or work for charities.

[chiisana-sukima]

ive actually been thinking about it a lot since i posted that and i agree with you that general rape culture is part of the reason people don't notice that sam gets sexually assaulted

like the scenes that are cut and dry sexual assault scenes (no magic. no hell. no magic potion shit) usually portray the woman like a black widow/femme fatale type i.e meg in nightmare and we're so used to seeing those scenes that they don't even register because its the idea that women get their power from sex and being attractive ya know?

so i do think it's less that male victims are played as jokes since most of the time i think the scenes are played pretty straight (for the most part, they guy in tall tales is a big exception and there are sooooo many rape jokes but actual scenes, we usually see sam and dean as not enjoying these things and the audience are meant to root for them to get away so) and more that we're just used to the idea that this is the way women *can* intimidate men ya know?

(also feel free not to answer if you dont feel comfortable <3)

Yup, I think everything you said here is 100% true, and that there are other factors at play too that fit under the "rape culture" umbrella.

You absolutely will not believe some of the insane, hardcore rape apology shit people will say to me in defense of pretend SA in a silly TV show, even after they know I'm a survivor. Because of the demographic of spn Tumblr fandom, most of these conversation partners are liberal women or AFAB nbs. And apparently honestly unaware what they're saying is deeply offensive and horrifying. Some of them are legitimately Sam fans. And to make matters even more tragic, often they are survivors themselves.

Mostly I think we are all--all genders included--afraid. Afraid we could lose control of our bodies, our relationships, our home inside the vessel where we store our Self. It makes us so defensive that to have someone talk about it without subterfuge is seen as a threat rather than an act of human fellowship.

And then as one big part of the defense against that fear, we often emotionally accept--even if intellectually we know it's not true--the pervasive lie that strong, upstanding people can't be raped, and especially that men can't be raped unless there is something so fundamentally wrong with them that they no longer count as part of the social category "men". And we accept the converse lie too; that good people can't rape, and therefore if someone isn't 100% irredeemable the sexual assault alleged by their victim can't really have happened. I see this in fandom with both on-screen and off-screen SA, with SA jokes, and across male and female perpetrators.

A couple examples under the cut. The cut is there in case you aren't a masochist and don't like the feeling of needing eyeball bleach.

SA happens because you're a bad person:

Tbf to OP, post one is liveblogging 12x02, where we don't know immediately that it's SA. Otoh they felt no need to liveblog the reveal that Sam wasn't in fact a dirty whore who was fucking his torturer because he's just that slutty. And the later post on why Sam gets sexually assaulted so often, is not substantially different reasoning

Or maybe it's not SA at all. Because you're a bad person and also crazy (italics at the beginning are a quote from me):

It's not rape if I like the rapist, plus bonus you made me do it because you're a bad person:

And the all time, best ever, gold metal winners, from Mark P and Sebastian Roche:

Video of the panel is gone, but there is contemporaneous liveblogging:

This is from a con in January 2015. Sooooo right after O Brother Where Art Thou when Lucifer made the rape joke/threat while Sam cried. Could totally have been consensual though, because Lucifer isn't as bad as people make him out to be, dontchaknow. And Mark P is a nice guy who respects women (lol), so obviously it wasn't a rape joke. He would never. (┛`д´)┛彡┻━┻

[atopvisenyashill]

What if soon after her death some red priest or something found Elia's body and resurrected her? Basically, what if Elia became Lady Stoneheart instead of Cat?

oooo interesting scenario. so the main differences here between UnElia and UnCat would be

location - obvious but major. cat is in the riverlands, the scene of the crime, her homelands, a region already in turmoil. elia dies in kl, the scene of the crime, the heart of westeros, and not her home. if the priest doesn’t find her until her body is on its way to dorne, then she’s in her homelands, but nowhere near the scene of the crime & those responsible.

magical awareness - thoros never purposefully brings beric back, he just does the rites and beric comes back. similarly, beric was working off pure instinct when he kissed UnCat into life. this would be very different from a random priest bringing Elia back, bc they’d be doing it on purpose.

motivation - again, thoros was just mourning his lover friend who had fallen in battle. beric saw the wife of the man he swore himself too & felt moved to safe her. WHY is this random priest bringing her back? are they a targaryen loyalist? do they just really hate robert/tywin/jon arryn? did they perform the ritual at the behest of oberyn perhaps? hell, we know oberyn is a smart, intellectually curious man, did HE perform the ritual?

it's kind of unclear how much UnCat is "aware" of so to speak - while regular, living Cat would probably understand Brienne's argument that Jaime has been helping her (she might not spare Brienne regardless, but she would spare Podrick!), UnCat can't even comprehend it. To her, morality is very simple - good people live, bad people die. Is this a part of Cat simply deciding to kill the compassion in her ("kill the girl" so to speak) or is this the corrupting trauma of being brought back to life? Beric's memories were hazy but his sense of morality was not changed by his magic, whereas UnCat's seems much more callous than her living self! So is UnElia capable of some sort of rationale, of planning, and is purposefully pushing down her more gentle nature, or is she just a vessel of fury and vengeance?

so taking all that into account - and reminder this is just my own read on the characters - i think the location she is brought back in is the biggest factor into how capable she is of doing damage. if she’s brought back in dorne, i imagine she just instinctively tries to get back to the water gardens (a place she associates with safety, her family, and children), and the image of doran, oberyn, and little arianne, obara, tyene, nym, and sarella walking into the water gardens to a zombified elia just standing there?? chefs kiss, amazing, horrifying!! after that, i’m not sure what she would try - if loreza is still alive, does she attack her mother for marrying her to rhaegar? does she attack doran for “failing” her? does she prefer to haunt sunspear until someone comes looking for the mysterious ghoul or does she approach her brother right away, attempting to convince them to help her avenge her children with fire and blood? hell, does she get wind of doran’s plans & try to get to dany & viserys herself??

if she’s brought back in KL, i think this is the spiciest conflict because i think she could do the most damage here. I think a vengeful ghoul type would have a really easy time disappearing into Fleabottom or the woods around KL, gathering some loyalists, and sending them out to do her violent bidding. I think she would even need some help getting around a bit - we see Cat and Beric's injuries do heal, but at a human slow rate, ie Cat is capable of some short sentences because her vocal chords have started to heal but not completely (and the time frame from when he first meet her at ASOS to when we run into her again in AFFC roughly fits how long it would take vocal chords to heal from being damaged. someone made a post about this years ago, i'm too lazy to find it, you just have to take me at my word and experience with my mama's surgery that accidentally damaged a vocal chord haha). So while Elia would probably eventually be healed up enough to move around, she likely has a lot of internal bleeding, crushed bones, and a caved in skull. That skull is going to grow back last, so she probably, like Cat, wears something to cover it - a creepy cloak or mask for the back of her head. That damage being so obvious will definitely spur some Dornish or Targ loyalists to her side, the way Cat's injuries clearly disturb Thoros and the BWB when they discuss her. They're a constant reminder of what Elia and her babies went through, and a firm rallying cry for her.

In KL, too, is where Elia's enemies are. Imagine being Robert, new to your throne, and then getting reports of a secret, shadowy woman building a group in Fleabottom of Targaryen loyalists, who is always just out of his reach? Imagine Elia's fury when Cersei is crowned queen, her family rewarded for the brutal murders of innocent children! And remember the secret passageways of the Red Keep, how effective a group of righteously angry people can be at using them to get to the new little queen or the big bad king.

If Elia were to be raised in KL, regardless of how she's raised or whether she keeps much of her nature, I think walking around with a broken body and a missing skull, surrounded by the family who slaughtered yours mercilessly, would be enough to drive anyone to anger and violence. And we know there are plenty of people who are willing to exploit those feelings, especially after Tywin has sacked the city, Jaime has murdered Aerys, and anti Lannister sentiment is probably a bit high. God, imagine Elia meeting Jaime again. Convincing poor traumatized, drowning in guilt, 16 year old Jaime to help her get justice for her murdered babies, what's a little kinslaying after he's already killed the king after all, and didn't he swear to protect her and her children, and do as she says? Oh delicious.