#i know we’re both gay in the opposite direction but PLEASE dan howell give me ONE CHANCEEEE 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[vammppyre]

very normal about dan getting a mullet

wtf wtf wtf

SCREAMING

ahhfhghhhh

HE LOOKS SO GOOD GHHHHHHGGHGGHHD

[botanistlester]

When They Try to Take Us Down

Summary: Phil doesn’t like when hate preachers come to campus. They make him nervous and uncomfortable. But this time, Dan is there to help him through it in an unexpected, yet pleasant way. Word Count: 2,201 Warnings: homophobic slurs, hate speech, anxiety Title creds: Let the Flames Begin - Paramore A/N: Thank you to @snowbunnylester (as always) for prompting me this! I’ve been on a writing splurge lately and I honestly don’t know how I’m doing it. Lemme know it you like this!

Listen to the Podfic! Read it on AO3

-

There is an angry aura surrounding campus in the form of ignorant slurs and angry responses. This only happens on the occasion, but it makes Phil nervous each time, a pit in his stomach and his throat closing up as he tries to walk as fast as possible past the angry crowd. There was a man, dressed in preacher's clothes and holding a sign with a list of the types of people who were going to “go to hell”. Phil didn’t have to look to know that homosexuals and masturbators and adulterers were on the list. He swallowed and ducked his head, trying to move as fast as he could. Dan was ahead of him, probably shaking his head and scoffing as he does every time they passed by a preacher like this. Sometimes Phil thinks he’s more upset about this kind of thing than Phil is, despite being the heterosexual one in their friendship, just by the way he wasn’t afraid to shout his opinions right back.

The preacher (who apparently was named Brother Jeb, according to the crowd), started screaming at two girls who walked past wearing shorts. He was saying they were sluts and yelling godawful things that nobody should have to hear just by wearing what they wanted to wear. Phil felt nauseous and he froze in place, his stomach doing a weird lurch. 

He didn’t want to walk in front of him. He didn’t want to hear what the preacher would say about him, a gay male who most likely looked so soft and therefore ‘gay’. He’d thought he’d gotten away from those taunts when he left high school, but there he was, awaiting the familiar slurs from someone much older than him.

“Phil?” A voice said from in front of him. Phil focused back onto the presence of his best friend, Dan, who was staring at him with slightly furrowed brows and concern in his gaze. “You alright there?”

Phil shrugged and cast a weary glance back towards Brother Jeb. “I’m good,” he mumbled, fidgeting with the straps of his backpack. “I’m just gay and uncomfortable.”

Dan huffed out a laugh and shook his head fondly. “You have nothing to worry about, Brother Jeb is all talk and no action.” He reached out and grabbed Phil’s hand, squeezing it gently. “Let’s go, yeah? We’re not going to accomplish anything today if we can’t even get past an ignorant douchebag.” His hand then shifted from Phil’s hand and to his wrist instead so he could start pulling him along, tugging him away from the spot he was glued to and into direct sight of Brother Jeb.

Phil could tell the exact moment that Brother Jeb saw him. Their eyes met and Brother Jeb’s own darkened, and Phil could feel the familiar anxiety bubbling in his chest. “Oh no,” he whispered, to which Dan tightened his hand around his wrist and tugged that little bit harder.

Just like that, all hell broke loose. “Homos like you two deserve to be tortured by Satan for eternity!” Brother Jeb yelled at them, his face turning red as he tried to raise his voice enough for them both to hear. He continued to yell awful things at them, until Dan was letting out an annoyed sigh and stopping. “What are you doing?” Phil begged. “Let’s leave. Please.”

“Now wait a minute,” Dan started, turning to Brother Jeb with a glint in his eye. Phil didn’t know what he was planning to do and he was slightly fearful. He just wanted to get out of there. He didn’t want to be in the general vicinity for very much longer. “If you send all the gays to Hell, wouldn’t that just make us all have filthy gay sex everywhere? If that’s the case, I can’t say I’d have any opposition to it.”

“Dan,” Phil gasped, horrified. He could hardly believe that Dan had said something like that. Wasn’t he straight? Why would he want to have anything to do with gay sex in the first place? And why were they still standing there?

Brother Jeb just ignored what Dan had said, his face turning red and spittle flying every which way as he spat more hatred towards them. Except this time, instead of being focused at Dan, the words were focused at Phil. He was staring Phil right in the eyes, a tantalizing smirk on his face as he realised just how he was effecting Phil. “Repent and give up your lusting of men and the Lord will love you again! If you continue your disgusting ways, the world will strike you down and you will burn for all of eternity!”

Phil tried to shove Dan so they could be on their way. He was shaking so hard that he was surprised his legs hadn’t given out from under him. He’d never been good at confrontation, especially with people yelling homophobic slurs right at him. It brought back unwanted memories, ones that he had no desire to relive.

But Dan wasn’t having it. No, he was shaking, but he was shaking with anger. Phil was horrified, horrified that Dan wouldn’t just leave it alone so they could enjoy the rest of their afternoon in blissful solidarity. By themselves. Without people telling Phil he was going to hell. Instead of backing off, Dan launched himself at the dude, letting go of Phil’s wrist to stalk over to Brother Jeb with his chest puffed out and his hands clenched in fists at his sides. “You leave my boyfriend out of this!” Dan screamed, leaving Phil to recoil in shock. Boyfriend? Did he just say boyfriend? Last Phil knew, Dan was straight. They’d never spoken about being in a relationship before, and they most definitely had never kissed or had sex or anything of the sort that people who were dating usually did. Besides, Dan was straight. Heterosexual. He liked girls. Not boys. Not Phil.

He snapped himself out of his inner monologue in time to see Dan raising his fist, supposedly to punch Brother Jeb right in the face. Phil gasped and launched himself right into the ring of people, who had mostly quieted down in order to hear what Dan was saying. “Dan, Dan, no, stop,” Phil urged, putting a hand on his shoulder and pulling him backwards. Dan’s fists were still clenched, but he lowered them when Phil turned him to face himself. His eyes softened when he saw Phil’s face, his hand raising so he could softly press a finger into Phil’s cheek. It was a bit strange, but Phil understood that Dan was trying to ground himself, to calm himself down enough that he didn’t do something he regretted later. And Phil was his ground.

Then, with Brother Jeb yelling bullshit in the background, Dan seemed to get an idea. Phil saw it the moment it happened, as it seemed he did every time Dan decided to do something. He didn’t know whether it was going to be something good, or something bad, because it was always a mix with Dan, until he was speaking. “Kiss me,” Dan commanded quietly, his lips barely moving so nobody except Phil would be able to tell that he’d spoken.

Phil didn’t hide the way he gaped at him. He could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks, making his face an ugly red colour that crept down his neck and under the collar of his shirt. His heart was pounding in his chest, so loud that he could hear it in his ears. His thoughts were running a mile per minute.

Because his best friend, who he may have had a slight crush on for the past, well, forever, was telling Phil to kiss him. “Wh-what?!” Phil exclaimed, recoiling like he’d been shocked. Dan looked amused, but there was something like nervousness swirling in those dark eyes. Dan, who was usually so sure of himself, seemed so small in comparison to how he normally was. “But… you’re straight?”

“It’s just a kiss, Phil. Friends kiss platonically all the time,” Dan sighed dramatically, although there was a bright blush on his cheeks now they were having an in-depth conversation about actually kissing each other. “It’s not like I’m asking you to have kinky bum sex with me.”

Phil choked at the words and tried to slow down his breathing enough to think rationally. It was hard, though, especially when Dan was proposing a kiss while also speaking about ‘kinky bum sex’. Yeah, Phil needed to calm himself down right then before he got a bit too excited. Instead, he thought about the pros and cons. Some good things: he would be able to kiss Dan, he could hold Dan in his arms, he could finally stand up for himself. Bad things? Well, Dan was straight and Phil would have to live with the knowledge of what Dan tasted like for the rest of his life without being able to act on those feelings once more. But then again, did Phil really want to go his entire life without knowing how it felt to kiss Dan Howell? His best friend, who made girls weak at the knees with one swipe of his tongue?

Phil found himself nodding his head without much more thought. Apparently that was enough for him to accept the proposition.

Dan was grinning then, a full wide grin that shouldn’t have been so bright considering their current situation. It did weird things to Phil’s stomach to see such a smile, one that crinkled Dan’s eyes and made the dimple in his cheek cave in. One that made the brown in Dan’s irises look so much brighter, that made his entire face light up. Phil lost his breath, and then Dan was leaning in.

He didn’t know what to expect. The surprise of his first kiss with Dan nearly knocked him off his feet. Everything went silent around them, and Phil didn’t know if it was because the crowd had dispersed or if he could only focus on Dan’s lips. Dan’s lips, which were oh so soft and tasted like the strawberries he’d eaten for lunch.

For a moment, Phil was frozen. He didn’t know what to do with his hands or his lips. And then Dan was parting his lips, urging Phil to do something, and he was kissing back just as gently, trying to savour the moment. His hands fluttered at Dan’s sides before resting on his hips, pulling him closer, and he realised with complete and utter disbelief that Dan had rested his palms on his cheeks, effectively keeping Phil’s lips glued to his own.

It was like kissing his best friend. It was like kissing his crush. It was like kissing the person he had been in love with for years. Phil’s heart ached, and he never wanted this to end. Eventually, it had to. They pulled away when they were gasping for breath, when Dan’s cheeks were as pink as the peonies they’d passed by on the way to class that morning, when the crowd around them started to let out loud cheers and hollers. Dan was still holding his face in his hands, so soft and delicate, and Phil ducked his head because he couldn’t help the smile on his face. He giggled a bit, unable to contain the ecstasy inside of his chest, and Dan was just staring at him with bitten red lips and that beautiful blush on his cheeks. Phil didn’t know what it meant. Did Dan like it? He couldn’t keep his hopes up, and Dan was always much quicker to recover than he was because after a few moments, he shook himself out of whatever emotion he was feeling and turned to look Brother Jeb right in the eye. “See you in Hell,” Dan sneered, and then he was linking his fingers with Phil’s, leading them away from the still-cheering crowd. Dan’s hand was warm in his own, and Phil felt a little bit faint with it. “You didn’t have to do that,” Phil breathed once they were away from the crowd, knowing that this fantasy had to end sooner or later. He untangled their fingers, because that’s what he knew he had to do. Dan was straight. He couldn’t kid himself and get more attached than he already was.

Dan scoffed. “Yes I did,” he replied. His voice was filled with such warmth and fondness that it made Phil’s chest hurt. Very slowly and very gently, Phil felt Dan take his hand again, sliding their fingers together like he didn’t quite know if this was okay or not. Like he was asking for permission. “And I’d do it again and again, if you’d let me.”

Phil grinned and his stomach exploded with those stupid butterflies that were in every teenage romance novel. He glanced over at Dan to find him smiling stupidly softly at him, his dimple making that familiar crater in his cheek.

With just that look, Phil knew that Dan wasn’t talking about how he would defend him again. He squeezed Dan’s hand in reassurance, loving how well their fingers fit together. “I would like that,” Phil told him.