#i know we all talk about buck's issues w their parents but the way she talks to maddie....🤬

[doctorodyssey]

margaret buckley is so deeply grating to me personally. i wish she were real so i could bully her on facebook or run her over with my car or something

[chefbuck]

yayyy sending prompts !! 🌾 w buddie bc apparently u just. prefer farmer's market over cowboys 🧍

omg u want me to get in troubleeee i just think the farmers market au potential hasn't been utilized!! ok heres my take unediteddd (1.5k wc)

---

Buck is replenishing their display case with a Jack Skellington cookie in hand when the boy approaches. He looks young, maybe 10 or 8 at best, and using crutches. But he’s not slow with them, the way most people are, so he seems to be a pro with the crutches. Buck really sees a sea of dusty blond curls, but then the boy looks up with him and he’s wearing red glasses and the brightest smile. Naturally, Buck melts. 

Buck sets the cookie down, before leaning on his hands at the table. The table between them prevented him from fully crouching down to this kid’s level, just like Buck usually liked to do when he talked with kids, but at least this way the boy wouldn’t have to crane his neck as much to look up at Buck. 

“Hey, kiddo, you a fan of cookies?” 

The kid’s smile brightens even more, if that’s even possible. “That’s what my dad calls me!”

“Cookie?”

And this kid—happiest kid in the world, Buck’s willing to bet on it—tucks his chin towards his chest and hides a giggle behind his hand. The sound shoots right past Buck’s khaki apron and strikes him in the heart. 

“No!” He raises his voice, yelling in that childhood gleeful way, like it’s possibly the silliest thing Buck could have said. Because it is. 

Buck loves kids. He’s good with them too. He somehow has a knack for knowing just the right thing to them. Hen says it’s because Buck is still a kid himself, which Buck will allow. Only from Hen, though. She’s earned that right after having to save his ass enough times for almost burning down the bakery on complete accident. 

“So,” Buck leans forwards on his elbows, “where are your parents?” 

As if Buck had summoned him, Buck hears, “Chris!” 

The call comes out in a form of a more hissing type of scolding. The dad’s not really mad. Buck can always tell. Not by looking at the parents, but by watching the kids. When the parents are really mad, the kid always does some form of retreating into their shell, a frozen fear or embarrassment of being caught. But just rolls his eyes like he’s the one being inconvenienced before turning his head towards his dad. 

“What did I tell you about just running off like that?” When the dad approaches, he touches a hand to his son’s back. Instead of shaking him off, the kid leans into it.

“I didn’t run off. I told you where we were going to next. It’s not my fault if you���re slow.” 

It’s the dad’s turn to roll his eyes. He’s looking at Buck now, and talking to him. “He thinks I’m slow because I’m ‘old.’”

And, okay, look. Just like he’s good with kids, Buck’s good with flirting. Too good. It’s gotten him numbers that he both didn’t really want and didn’t know he wanted, and is a good factor in why their customer retention is so high. Buck’s flirting is practically a staple to these farmers market pop-ups. It irritates Maddie (because he’s her baby brother and she “doesn’t want to see all that!”) and Ravi seriously hates it (although Buck’s convinced that’s because a customer Buck flirts with is a customer Ravi can’t flirt with) and it’s fun. It’s not like Buck’s got any special someone and it’s just talking anyways so where’s the harm in that?

Any other time, Buck could easily respond with a, “You’re not old.” He’d know how to do it perfectly, like a routine. He knows just the way to contort his facial muscles to look charming to the parent and in on the joke with the kid as well as shift his tone so the parent can be in on a nuanced something that their kid doesn’t need to know. And even if he was old (which he’s not), it’s not like that’s been an issue for Buck in the past. Attractivity doesn’t age out. It matures like fine wine. 

But holy shit. Holy fuuucking shit this guy is hot. He’s got golden brown hair that’s been kissed by the sun which falls in effortless waves like a Disney prince, soft brown eyes that glimmer at his son, and a beautiful mustache that stands out against his tanned complexion that it’s practically impossible not to stare at his lips. And his hands, god, his hands. They look sturdy, like one could fall right into them and trust that they’d keep you safe the entire time. His whole body stays that way, every inch just solid and absolutely perfect—

So yeah. Buck’s a little distracted by this guy that he can’t even think to turn on the practiced charm. 

Thankfully, some god or the universe takes pity on him, because this kid, Chris, speaks in Buck’s silence. “You are old,” he mumbles to his dad. Chris leans forward to stare at the treats in the display case. 

Buck wants to say something to this dad’s defense like how he’s not that old, or maybe he just looks good for his age! Or he could even say something agreeing with Chris, to get this kid to like him even more and to try and make his dad laugh. At this point Buck will take anything. Just grant him the ability of his voice again and say something impressive and cool like: 

“So, Halloween. It-it’s, uh, coming. Or, I mean, it’s here.”

Okay, so not exactly like that. 

It does make this extremely hot dad smile. It’s small, closed lips so Buck doesn’t have a view of his perfect teeth again, and it’s entirely at Buck’s expense, but it’s good enough. 

“Yeah. Chris makes sure to plan way in advance for costuming just to ensure we’re always set by the time the day arrives. Well, I plan, he repeatedly reminds me.” 

“Smart kid. Seems Chris has the right idea.” 

Great. So when Buck isn’t gawking at this man, he’s struggling to form full sentences. That’s fine and totally normal. 

“Yeah,” Hot Dad smiles down at his son. “So, you guys sell bread?”

“Dad!” Chris groans. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you not want sandwiches this week? Because, you know, I can cook you-” 

“No.” Chris forcefully ends his dad’s sentence. He grumbles into his arms. “Sandwiches is fine.” 

Hot Dad looks back up at Buck, pleased. 

“Uh, yeah, hot, bread. I mean, bread. We got bread.” Buck turns around to the shelves and starts pointing. “We got whole wheat, white, jalapeno, rye, sourdough, and ciabatta.” 

“Whole wheat’s fine.” 

Buck nods and the top of one slice gets caught slightly as he tries to pull the whole loaf out. His eyes flicker down to Ravi, sitting next to the cart, and they make eye contact, but say nothing. Buck readjusts the bread and pretends nothing happen. 

“Alright, so will that be all for you?” 

They hear some whining come from Chris, like a sad puppy. Hot Dad looks down at him and his son is pouting at him. Hot Dad sighs. “Okay, fine. We’ll get a pumpkin cupcake and…” He pauses, waiting for his son to answer. 

“A mummy cookie, please!” 

His enthusiasm makes Buck chuckle. “Excellent choices. Okay, great! That’ll be $15 even.” 

“Wow,” Hot Dad says as he moves to get his wallet out, “that’s a bargain, don’t you think so, Chris?”

Unfortunately for him, Chris is too focused on his cookie to answer. Hot Dad shakes his head, but he’s amused. “Thank you,” he says to Buck.

Buck’s not really sure why this man is thanking him, when it should be Buck doing that. “Uh, yeah. Th-thank you.” 

And he doesn’t say anything more. Because he’s an idiot. 

So Hot Dad just smiles (with teeth this time!!) “Right, I better go. Before he runs away from me again.” 

Then he does. Hot Dad just walks away, which is not all that much easier on Buck because wow does he even look good walking away, and it’s not until they turn the corner out of sight that Buck can think properly again. Like how to let air back into his lungs and afraid any movement might shatter the perfect moment. 

“You know you undercharged them right?” Ravi’s voice breaks the silence. 

Buck basically jumps. “Jesus, man.” Buck turns and leans against the table to face him. “So?” 

Ravi snorts, like it’s obvious. “So have fun explaining that one to Maddie.” 

“Explaining what to me?” Maddie tucks her head into the tent again. 

Buck’s body flinches again. “Uh,” he says very eloquently. 

“Just how terrible Buck fumbled a hot dad. You know, if you keep that up, maybe I’ll stop having something to complain about.” Ravi grins. 

Hey. Hot Dad was Buck’s nickname for the guy. Buck frowns. “I did not fumble him.” 

He definitely did, but he was not about to tell Ravi of all people that. 

Ravi raises one eyebrow. “Really? So what’s the guys name?” 

Buck just lets his eyes fall shut. Maddie laughs.

[buckleyblueyes]

Buddie + 47 "This is home?" 😊

Thank you for your patience, nonnie! I know this took me some time to write and post. Loved this prompt, though! This fic features an appearance by Taylor Kelly, and maybe isn't the most friendly towards her? idk, I wasn’t actively trying to write her to be a bad person or anything, but just in case I thought I'd throw a warning for people who like her/like her and Buck.

Buck yawns and leans back into the cushions of the Diaz couch. He’s exhausted, physically and emotionally. They were called to a grizzly pileup on the freeway just before their shift was supposed to end, multiple on scene fatalities, and more that they lost later, in the ambulance. He had a date with Taylor scheduled for after his shift, but he knew before the engine even pulled back into the station that he was going to have to cancel. Not just for himself and his need for rest and recovery, but for Taylor’s sake. He wouldn’t have been a good date in his current state. He texted her from the locker room that his shift had run long and he was going to head home and rest. She texted him back with a “I understand, get some sleep” and that was that.

He followed Eddie home, because neither of them wanted to be alone, and he wanted to see Chris, even for a few minutes before the boy had to go to bed. They exchanged hugs and Buck and Eddie both pressed kisses to the top of Christopher’s head. Ever since Eddie was shot--since he told Buck about his will, since Buck spent the summer living on their couch and taking care of both of them--Buck took on a more parental role with Christopher. They don’t really talk about it, but it’s undeniably true, and Buck loves it. The three of them feel like a family, are a family.

Buck showered at the station, but Eddie hadn’t. Eddie likes to take his time in the shower, making it into a sort of ritual where he scrubs off more than just the grime of the day, but the stress and trauma of it as well. He’s going to be gone awhile. So, Buck settles into the couch and pulls out his phone.

I know it’s not the same, but wanna FaceTime before bed?

Seconds later his phone lights up with the call. He smiles when he answers it.

“Hey, babe!” Her smile is bright and bubbly as always.

“Hey, Taylor,” he says, forcing himself to keep his own smile up. “Sorry about our date.”

“No, no it’s fine…” Taylor trails off, blinking curiously through the screen. “I thought you said you were going home?”

Buck glances around the room behind him and frowns. “This is home?”

She rolls her eyes. “I know what your loft looks like.”

“Oh,” His smile returns. Of course, she’s only been to Eddie’s a few times, she doesn’t recognize it from the bit of it she could see through FaceTime. “I’m at Eddie’s.”

Taylor’s confusion morphs into exasperation. “I should’ve realized.”

“You’ve only been here a few times, it’s--”

“No, I mean I should’ve realized you were blowing me off for him,” she snaps.

It feels like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over his head. “What does that mean?”

“It means that I’m always playing second to Eddie, and I’m getting sick of it,” Taylor’s tone is huffy and irritated and Buck hates it. “It was one thing when he was still recovering. But he’s fine now, so why are you still spending so much time with him?”

“He’s my best friend, Taylor,” Buck narrows his eyes. “Of course I spend time with him.”

She scowls. “How can you be too tired for me, but be sitting on his couch?”

Buck runs a hand through his ungelled curls. “Look, our shift ran long and it was really rough. My therapist says I shouldn’t be alone during times like this, and I happen agree with her--”

“So why not be with me?” Taylor asks, tone shifting from anger to sadness.

“Because Eddie knows exactly where I’m at emotionally,” Buck sighs. “He was there, he saw what I saw. There’s nothing to explain. And he shouldn’t be alone tonight, either. It just makes sense.”

She frowns. “So, that’s it? I’m not a first responder, so I’ll never be able to understand like Eddie?”

His stomach twists. This conversation is starting to sound familiar. “It’s not--”

“How can I understand if you don’t open up to me?”

Buck doesn’t know what to say to that. She’s right, of course. He isn’t open with her. She doesn’t know about his childhood, or about Daniel. She doesn’t know about the nightmares that haunt him, doesn’t know about the waves and ladder trucks, gunshots and explosions. She doesn’t know any of it, and he has no desire to share it with her. Maybe it’s the way she looks at her phone half the time they’re talking, or the fact that they haven’t really talked about her willingness to put Bobby’s trauma on the news, but he still doesn’t trust her, not really.

“You’re right,” he finally says. “I’ve been shutting you out.” She looks hopeful, which makes Buck feel like a huge jerk because this isn’t about to go in the direction she seems to think it will. “I have to be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever feel like opening up to you. I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” She looks so sad, and the part of Buck that’s terrified of disappointing people is two seconds from taking it all back, when she speaks again. “So, where does that leave us, then?”

“I don’t know,” Buck answers honestly. He doesn’t want to be single and lonely again, but he can’t deny any longer that Taylor isn’t right for him.

“I think you do.” She gives him a weak smile.

Buck blinks. Cocks his head to the side in confusion. “What does that mean?”

“Buck, be honest with me, are you in love with Eddie?”

Whatever Buck is expecting her to say, it isn’t that. All at once it feels like all the air in the room has been sucked out. He knows that he feels more for Eddie than could be strictly described as platonic, but he’s been avoiding those feelings for as long as he’s known Eddie. First because he thought he had Abby, then because Eddie was married, then because Eddie was grieving his wife, and then because they weren’t speaking to each other, and then because the pandemic hit and they had other things to focus on, and then because Eddie was dating Ana...It was never the right time, and he was always too afraid of losing Eddie, when he inevitably had to turn Buck down.

But Eddie changed his will, and Eddie broke up with Ana because “she’s not what I want” and Eddie let Buck stay here, for months, taking care of him and Christopher, and Buck knows in his core that he and Eddie are tied together, no matter what.

“Buck?”

He realizes she’s still waiting for an answer. “Yeah, yeah I think I am.”

She nods stiffly. “Right, well then. I guess we’re done here.”

“I guess we are.” Buck shifts uncomfortably. “Can we still be friends?”

“I don’t think so,” Taylor shakes her head.

Buck opens his mouth to respond, to say goodbye, but he’s cut off by a voice coming from the hallway. “You’re in love with me?” Buck looks up to see Eddie standing there in his sweats, hair still damp and dripping from the shower, brown eyes wide with shock.

Oh, fuck. “Taylor, I have to go.”

“I know,” she rolls her eyes. “Goodbye, Buck.”

“Bye, Taylor,” Buck swallows, setting his phone down on the coffee table. “How--How long have you been standing there? I didn’t hear the shower turn off.”

“Long enough,” Eddie steps forward. “You’re in love with me?”

“I--” There’s no point in denying. “Yeah. Is that...okay?”

It’s a stupid thing to say, but it’s all Buck can think to say.

To say Eddie looks dumbfounded would be an understatement. “Is it--What kind of question is that?”

Buck shrugs “Well, y’know. I thought it might make things awkward.”

Eddie shakes his head and shuffles the rest of the way into the living room, so he’s standing right above Buck. “Awkward? Why--What--Like, at work? We’re adults, we can keep things professional.”

“Keep...it...professional…” Buck’s brain processes the words slowly, but when he finally does, his heart sinks. “You don’t want to be friends with me anymore?”

“Um.” Eddie cocks his head to the side, in almost the same movement Buck made just minutes earlier. “Obviously not.”

Buck feels numb. This is it. The end of everything. Just when he thinks he’s found someone who will stay. “W-What about Christopher?”

Again Eddie looks baffled. “What about Christopher? I think he’ll be happy we’re together.”

Time stops. Together? “Uh-Wh-Huh? Together? Like...together-together? Like dating? Each other?”

“Oh.” The confusion melts off Eddie’s face. “Buck. I’m in love with you, too.”

Buck blinks up at him. “You are?”

“Yeah,” Eddie smiles warmly. “I thought I made that clear when I broke up with Ana and kept asking you to stay, but I guess I should’ve known that I needed to be more explicit with you.”

Buck laughs. “Oh, you think? I’m only in therapy for my abandonment issues, it’s not like I have problems trusting that people want me around or something.”

Eddie leans down and takes Buck’s hands in his. “Evan Buckley, I am deeply in love with you, and I want to be with you for as long as you’ll have me.”

Buck grins, tightens his grip on Eddie’s hands, and pulls the other man down onto the couch, right into his lap. “How does forever sound?”

“Sounds wonderful.”

Later, after they makeout on the couch like teenagers, after Eddie guides Buck down the hall to his bedroom, after they curl up in each other’s arms, it finally occurs to Eddie to ask. “How exactly did your FaceTime with Taylor end up with her asking if you were in love with me?”

Buck doesn’t open his eyes when he answers. “She asked why I wasn’t at home like I told her I’d be.”

“This is your home.”

Buck smiles and snuggles closer. “I know.”

[somebodycall911onabc]

A Space Already Taken

Ep4x12 Buddie ficlet (not really any spoilers for season 4).

Read on AO3

Buck can take a hint. Particularly when it comes to romance and attraction—he knows when someone wants him and he knows when to make a move. Honestly, at this point he’s had so much practice charming people into bed that he could teach a class on it. One Night Stands 101 or something.

Which is why Taylor Kelly confuses the hell out of him.

Since the treasure hunting incident, she’s backed away from him three times. She’ll lean in close, lower her voice, flutter her eyelashes, brush her hair behind her ear…

And then lean away! Buck is losing his mind.

So when she does it again, when they’re at his apartment after a dinner Buck cooked for them, leaning against each other on the floor in front of the couch, Buck sighs out,

“Taylor, what are we doing?”

She’d turned away from him already, faked a laugh over some conversation they’d been having (i.e., she’d been having while Buck was getting lost in her eyes), but at his words she freezes.

Slowly, like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar, she turns back toward him. The expression on her face is familiar. He’d seen it on Abby a lot, near the end. And Ali.

It’s regret.

“My bad,” Buck says hastily, holding up his hands, “Sorry. If I’ve been, you know, pushy about it.”

Taylor bites her lip.

“I’m sorry, Buck,” she says. “If we weren’t friends then… yeah, a tumble would be fun. But we are. And it gets… messy.”

“I would have thought you’d be kind of into a friends with benefits situation,” Buck says, non-judgemental. “Don’t have to waste time on romance or relationships, you know?”

“I don’t have an issue with it,” Taylor corrects. “But you would.”

“Me?” Buck says, surprised. “Most of my relationships have been no-strings-attached ones.”

“Yeah…” Taylor says gently. “But that’s not you anymore. You know I’m right. You want romance, Buck. You want marriage and kids and love. Real love. And you deserve it. Which is exactly why you shouldn’t waste your time on me.”

“That’s bullshit,” Buck protests, but his heart is sinking because, well, she’s right.

Taylor shakes her head. “I can’t give you those things, Buck. I’m not sure they’re what I even want. Love, yes. But the rest of it?”

“Who says we need to figure it out now? Who says we can’t give it a shot and see where it goes?”

“Because I don’t have all that many friends,” Taylor admits. “And I don’t want to lose one over something stupid like a lack of self-restraint.”

“Who says you’ll lose me?” Buck asks, grasping at straws now. “You keep talking like you can predict everything, like the future’s already set in stone. But from what I’ve seen, the future’s pretty fucking unpredictable.”

“Buck,” Taylor says, swaying close to lay a hand on his cheek, “even if I did love you as more than a friend, I wouldn’t be able to hold a candle to Eddie.”

Buck feels the world stop turning. For just a second. Stalled on its axis like a wind-up toy that reached the end of its mechanical loop.

“Oh, Buck,” Taylor says, pulling her hand away. “C’mon. You revolve around him like he’s the fucking sun.”

“No, I…” Buck shakes his head like a dog dispelling water from its fur. “We’re friends. Brothers. I love him, yeah, but not like…”

“Brothers don’t look at each other the way you two look at each other.”

Buck’s palms are sweating. “Look at each other… how?”

Taylor gives him a long look, somewhere between disbelief and pity.

She says, “like they want to devour each other whole.”

Buck doesn’t sleep that night.

Taylor left with a kiss to his cheek and an open invitation to call her therapist—not her, she made abundantly clear, because she’d done enough to help Buck through the ensuing emotional crisis over the next three hours and two bottles of wine. But Buck just stares up at the ceiling and relives every moment he can recall about Eddie.

And there’s… a lot to get through.

Eddie smiling as Chris reads out a poem he wrote for class.

Eddie concentrated and intense, fists raised as he efficiently and elegantly attacks the punching bag at the station.

Eddie lying pale and cold in the hospital bed after nearly drowning, Buck gripping his hand and thanking every God he can think of that he won’t have to tell Chris he lost another parent.

Eddie’s eyes, warm on his, smiling that conspiratorial smile he saves just for Buck, that makes Buck feel like he’s swallowed the sun.

And Buck realizes that, on some level, he’s always known. He’s never felt this way about anyone. Like the world glows a little brighter when Eddie’s around, like his heart is a skipping record every time Eddie touches him.

He can’t remember a time when it didn’t feel like this.

Buck throws off the covers and stomps down the stairs, grabbing his keys from the kitchen counter on his way out the door.

The drive to Eddie’s is full of white noise and Buck’s memories.

“Real funny, Buck.”

“I know you did.”

“You could have my back any day.”

“Buck, there’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you.”

Buck finds himself at Eddie’s door, the porch light flickering on as it senses him. He thinks about knocking, but he doesn’t want to wake Chris, so he pulls out his phone and texts Eddie.

Within a minute, Buck hears noise from inside the house. Eddie’s always been a light sleeper. He makes it to the door three minutes after Buck texts him, ‘I’m outside.’

It’s enough time for Buck to shiver a little at the cold night air, realize he’d put on two different shoes, and chicken out.

Eddie swings open the door and blinks at Buck, a tiny frown on his face.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, stepping aside so that Buck can come in.

Buck curses internally while he toes off his mismatched shoes. “Nothing. I… I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Not your leg, is it?” Eddie asks, making his way down the hallway to the living room. Buck’s heartbeat kicks up, because here’s Eddie sleep-rumpled at four in the morning, opening his door to Buck and worrying about an injury from two years ago.

Buck never had a chance, did he?

“No,” Buck replies, following Eddie onto the couch. “Not the leg.”

Eddie fixes his eyes on Buck and gives him a long, assessing look. Unlike Taylor, Eddie’s gaze is tinged with concern and sympathy.

“This about Taylor Kelly?” He asks, eyes narrowing.

“Jesus,” Buck mutters. “What is it with you two reading my mind lately?”

“You’re just an open book, Buck,” Eddie says, fighting a yawn. “Not much to it. What happened?”

“She just… turned me down,” Buck says with a shrug. He can’t bring himself to feel that bad about it.

“And you’re… upset?” Eddie asks, because of course he can tell that’s not what Buck is really here about.

“No,” Buck admits. “Not really.”

“What is it then?” Eddie asks. And the way he says it, so patiently, resting his cheek against his fist as he sits sideways on the couch to face Buck, breaks something down inside him.

“It’s just…” Buck picks at a loose thread on his jeans. “I just wonder when someone is going to look at me and like… want me. When someone is finally going to love me back.”

The room goes still, like it’s holding its breath the same way Buck and Eddie are. Buck can’t bring himself to look up at whatever expression is on Eddie’s face.

Eddie breathes out. In barely more than a whisper, he says, “I do.”

Buck’s vision goes white for a moment.

His voice cracks as he says, “what?”

“I love you,” Eddie says, firmer now. He’s committed to it. That’s how Eddie is. He doesn’t back down. Buck’s always admired that about him.

“You… but… Ana?” Buck splutters, staring sightlessly down at his own hands, which have fallen still in his lap.

Eddie lets out a hollow-sounding laugh. “Ana broke up with me,” he says.

“What?”

“A few weeks ago, actually. Says I wasn’t trusting enough. That I didn’t really want her in mine and Chris’s lives. She wasn’t wrong.”

“No?” Buck feels like he’s breathing underwater, like there’s no air in the entire goddamn universe.

“Because I already have you,” Eddie says. “Hard to fill a place that’s already taken.”

Buck is horrified to feel a tear slide down his cheek. Jesus, he’s a mess. Eddie’s in love with this?

“Hey,” Eddie says, reaching over to lay a hand on Buck’s shoulder. Buck feels his tell-tale heart skip a beat. “Buck, you alright?”

“I just found out my best friend is in love with me,” Buck chokes out, “after realizing that I’ve been in love with him for years. Give me a minute.”

Eddie doesn’t.

He reaches a hand over to Buck’s jaw, turning Buck to face him. Eddie’s smile is ecstatic, radiant, like someone just told him every Hildy product in the world had been destroyed.

“That so?” He says, his other hand slipping over Buck’s shoulder and down his back, bringing them close. Close enough that their noses are practically touching.

“Yeah,” Buck says.

He can take a hint. He knows when someone wants him. He knows when to make a move.

But when Eddie kisses him, it takes Buck completely and wholly by surprise. Because apparently Buck is hopeless when it comes to love.

Eddie pulls away and Buck chases him with lips and hands and muttered pleas. Eddie breathes a laugh against his lips and Buck wants to feel that every day for the rest of his life.

“I love you,” Eddie says, “so goddamn much.”

“I love you, too,” Buck echoes, feeling warm and soft inside and out. Like he’s incandescent.

“Good,” Eddie says, kissing Buck on the nose, which makes him feel like his bones have turned to jelly. “Can we go the fuck to sleep, then?”

Buck laughs. “I’ll try to save my earth-shattering realizations for daytime from now on,” he says.

“Please do. I’d hate to have to kill you before the wedding.”

“Wedding?” Buck asks, laughing again.

“M’serious,” Eddie protests, rubbing his nose against Buck’s cheek. “I’m going to marry you, Buck. I’d ask you now, but the ring’s in my nightstand.”

“Bullshit.”

Eddie presses his smile to Buck’s. “Why don’t you come to bed and find out?”

Turns out, Eddie does have a ring. It’s black and polished metal that he shyly admits he bought more than a year ago.

“Wasn’t that during the lawsuit?” Buck asks, admiring the ring on his finger. “Weren’t we not talking then?”

“Why’d you think I was so mad at you?” Eddie says, eyes closed, laying back against the pillows. He’s got one arm wrapped around Buck’s waist. “Mad at myself too, ‘cause I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I wasn’t ready. I didn’t think you could ever… I didn’t think you felt the same.”

“Guess tonight was a surprise, huh?”

Eddie slides his hand up to twine his fingers with Buck’s, brushing his thumb over the ring on Buck’s hand.

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. “Life likes to throw me curveballs, I guess.”

“Excuse you,” Buck says, settling down into the curve of Eddie’s arm. “I’m not a curveball.”

“Sure you are,” Eddie says. “But I love you anyway.”

Buck rests his cheek on Eddie’s chest, closing his eyes. “I’m gonna have to send Taylor a thank you card.”

Eddie snorts. “Go to sleep, Buck.”

Buck, smiling to himself, does. After all, they’ve got a pretty big day ahead of them. Starting with Christopher.

[happyandticklish]

The Problems with Legilimency

Notes: For the anon request. This is so fucking late because writer’s block is a bitch, but I hope you enjoy it regardless! ^^ I sort of took my own spin on the request, but I think it’s fairly similiar to the original. 

Summary: Two times in which Queenie’s Legilimency became a problem, and once when it kind of helped. 

1.        

“Newt!”

The sound of his name strung along by that familiar voice sent a peculiar thrill through Newt’s person. He never grew tired of hearing it. He spun carefully around, an Occamy curled in his grasp; its tiny head poked curiously out from under his arm. “Yes?”

Tina stood puzzled back in his lab, hands placed upon her hips as she examined one of the shelves. “It’s not here. That herb you were looking for. I swear I saw it when we first came in here…”

That was odd. Newt was usually very meticulous about his placement system. He deposited the Occamy gently back into their nest, though the task provided some difficulty as the creature attempted to weave through his arms to reach him once more. Eventually though, hands free, he made his way over to where Tina stood.

In the space where a small bottle of rare herbs should have been, there was nothing but empty space. “You didn’t move it somewhere?” Newt asked, his tone inquisitive rather than angry. He began rearranging bottles around it, wondering if it had simply gotten misplaced.

Tina shook her head. “I turned my back and it was gone. It’s not…” she hesitated. “…supposed to do that, is it? I mean, it doesn’t have some kind of magical property to it, does it?”

Newt laughed, the quiet chuckle of an inside joke. “No, no need to worry about that. It does contain magical properties, though they are rendered quite harmless in its current form. Aha!” He grinned, his voice filled with soft triumph. “I believe we have found our culprit.”

Pickett stood frozen where Newt had revealed him, a bottle clutched tightly in his arms. His eyes widened, and quickly he tried to scramble away from them. Unfortunately, his efforts to get away from Newt only brought him into Tina’s awaiting hands, who held him up carefully as she lifted him into the air.

“Nice work, Tina,” Newt said, a hint of pride entering his tone. Seeing two of his favorite creatures in the world interact always brought him a strange joy. “Be careful when extracting the bottle from him; he can be difficult when he wants to be.”

“Oh, um, yes, of course.” Tina seemed more doubtful of her abilities, holding the creature out carefully as though one of two of them was going to accidentally hurt each other. She attempted to gently wrestle the bottle out of his hands, but, seeing her intentions, Pickett was quick to intervene. He wrapped his arms tightly around it, and when she attempted to nudge him off with her finger, he only transferred his hold to her as devious inspiration struck him.

Tina yelped, her heart catching a little in her throat. Though she admired Newt for his love for these creatures, she still found herself a bit wary when it came to actually interacting with them. Newt himself seemed unworried by this development, a smile tugging reluctantly at his lips, like a parent attempting to be disappointed with their child but ultimately unable to help their amusement.

“P-Pickett,” she started, her voice wavering a little at the uncertainty of talking to the tiny being. “I’m going to need you to let go now, if that’s alright; we need those ingredients for medicine—your medicine, I might add.”

Pickett was unbothered, clambering onto her finger fully now and beginning to scramble up her arm rapidly. Tina jerked back in surprise, the sensation of his little arms and feet crawling on her skin igniting a long forgotten sensation.

“Newt!” she called anxiously, tossing him a quick glance.

“Don’t worry about him,” he assured her. “He’s completely harmless—it’s only him who likes to think he’s tougher than he is.”

“B-But he’s—ah!” Tina felt a fluttery laugh escape her as Pickett reached her shoulder, poking around and exploring the area curiously, brushing up against her neck. “E-Ehe, w-wait!”

“What’s all the noise down here?”

The two startled at the sudden appearance of Queenie, her curls framing her face in its innocent curiosity as she stepped off the stairs. Evidently, neither of them had noticed her descent in the confusion of the misplaced bottle.

“Tina was just helping me create a new batch of medicine for the Bowtruckles,” Newt explained quickly, an odd nervousness entering his voice at the two of them being caught alone. He felt the unnecessary need to clarify their presence there. “When a bottle, it—well it went missing, but it was fine as Pickett here—”

“Of course it tickles,” Queenie interrupted, her voice directed affectionately in the direction of Tina. Newt started, those words being one of the last things he expected to leave her mouth. “There’s no need to get all worked up about it.”

“What?” 

Tina stiffened and flushed as Newt’s gaze swiveled to her, focusing on Pickett who continued his exploration of her neck and shoulders with an unapologetic joy. He narrowed his eyes at the pesky creature, who startled at the sudden attention he was receiving and hid quickly under Tina’s collar.

Newt lurched forward, ready to remove him, but his hands paused inches away from Tina, where they hovered uncertainly over her neck. “Can I—that is, do you mind if I—”

“Yes!” Tina agreed, her voice a little too eager in her embarrassment. Quickly but carefully, Newt managed to remove the critter, allowing him to cling moodily to his finger as he pulled away.

Queenie smiled fondly at them, shaking her head a little at their antics. “Honestly,” she said as Newt tucked the errant Bowtruckle into his pocket. “There’s no need to get so worked up about it; it’s just tickling.”

“How did you—”

“Legilimens,” Queenie replied, arching a brow with a sly grin. “Or have you forgotten?”

“Oh. Right.” Newt fussed needlessly over Pickett, adjusting and re-adjusting him as he continued to avoid their gazes. Pickett himself bucked against the attention, batting in annoyance at his fingers. “Um, if you don’t mind, we were in the middle of something if we could return to that.”

“Oh.” Queenie shook her head at herself. “Of course.” There was something in her eyes that said she knew Newt’s true reason for wanting her gone, but for reasons unknown to Newt but that he was nonetheless grateful for, she declined revealing. “I’ll leave you two alone them.”

She whirled gracefully up the stairs, her silk robe fluttering lightly behind her along with her steps. It was only once she was gone that Newt allowed himself to exhale, turning to face Tina. “Are you alright?”

But Tina had already turned away from him, and was wholly engaged in the process of chopping up the retrieved ingredients as Newt had shown her earlier. The tips of her ears were tinged a dark pink, and her hair fell forward in her face, easily hiding her expression from the other.

Newt would have pursued the issue further, had he not been just as grateful to drop the subject at hand. For some reason, this new piece of knowledge about Tina stuck in his brain, a strange concoction of nerves and excitement lighting up his chest. The sudden feelings were too difficult to parse then and there, however, and Newt turned to the counter as well, making sure to stand a couple feet away as he directed her on the next steps.

“Now you want to grind it, into a fine powder.”

2.        

“Oh.”

The word was a startled little gasp, and it drew both Tina and Newt out of the world they had previously been lost in. Newt jerked away from her instantly, releasing her skin as though it were suddenly made of hot iron. Tina’s face was flushed, the remnants of laughter dancing in her smile. Less than a minute before, Newt’s fingers had been engaged in the process of reducing her into a state of flushed laughter. Now, however, he kept his hands firmly shoved in his pockets, far removed from where they could have any kind of effect on anyone.  

After Queenie had accidentally revealed Tina’s secret a couple weeks ago, Newt had found himself unable to stop finding ways to accidentally tickle her in the hopes to see that unexpected smile light up her face once more. After a while, it became less accidental, though if Tina noticed, she chose not to say anything. There was hardly any excuse for that evening, however. It was only that Tina had chosen to stretch her arms above her head moments before and Newt could hardly be blamed for what happened afterwards.

Both appeared heavily embarrassed to have been caught in such a state, and it wasn’t just Newt this time who was having trouble making eye contact.

Queenie smiled, a gentle, reassuring gesture. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you. I just wanted to inform you both that dinner was ready. Although it seems you two are rather… preoccupied, at the moment.”

Newt cleared his throat, coughed awkwardly, and cleared his throat once more, clearly having difficulty coming up with words. “Sorry, we were just—that is to say—I was—”

“Tickling my sister,” Queenie answered for him, appearing unbothered by both the word and the subject. “It’s alright, you don’t have to apologize. I didn’t mean to intrude; it’s just that you were being quite loud.”

Tina’s brow furrowed as she readjusted herself on the bed; she was putting forth a failing attempt to make herself appear anymore dignified than the state in which she’d been interrupted. “How could you possibly have? We were—that is, we were trying to be quiet.”

“Thoughts speak louder than words,” Queenie quoted, though there was a truthful undertone to it that spoke of the embarrassing reality of having a Legilimens as a sister.

“Ah,” Tina said, visibly flustered. “Well.”

“Right,” Newt agreed eagerly, though it was unclear what either of them was agreeing on.

Queenie offered them a knowing look, before finally turning around to head back downstairs. “Alright then, I’ll leave you two alone. But be sure to come down soon; you wouldn’t want dinner to get cold.”

She paused at the doorknob, however, and turned suddenly back around. “Oh, and Newt?”

“Yes?”

“Her worst spot is her knees. Just in case you were wondering. Anyways.” With that, Queenie flounced from the room, her innocent air a betrayal of the words she’d just spoken.

The two of them sat frozen on the bed, both of them waiting for the other to make the first move. There wasn’t exactly protocol for this kind of thing.

After a while Tina groaned, dropping her head into her heads. “Sometimes I truly abhor my sister.”

“She can be quite… blunt,” Newt agreed. He found his gaze drawn now to her legs, swung carelessly over the bed. Queenie’s words played over and over in his mind, and before he knew what he was doing he had reached out and experimentally squeezed her knee.

Tina yelped, her hands flying from her face to shove at his arms quickly. “Don’t,” she warned, but there was a lightness to the warning that implied maybe she didn’t mean it as much as she said. A reluctant smile tugged at her lips, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “Newt, please, this isn’t—”

“Fair?” he finished softly, squeezing again to hear that adorable squeal. Her hands flailed uselessly for a moment before fisting in the sheets, keeping herself from fully shoving him off.

“Newt,” she gasped, the words filled with anticipation and a giddy nervousness that prompted Newt to quickly enact a repeat of earlier, his hands flying as he wrecked her once more. Her laughter rung in his ears, wild and carefree, and he found he would do anything to hear that sound, even for a moment longer.

Eventually he relented, as dinner really was getting cold. However, he found an odd disappointment setting in when she merely stood up afterwards and headed over to the door, albeit more out of breath than before. Before he had time to dissect that feeling, the two were called once more for dinner in slightly harsher tones, and they quickly rushed down the stairs in an effort not to induce the other’s wrath at having to wait for them.

3.      

“Nehehehewt!” Tina gasped, batting uselessly at his hands as they scribbled mercilessly over her stomach. “Plehehehease!”

The two were curled up on the couch, having retreated there for the night while Queenie and Jacob were out on an evening for two. In the beginning the two had simply watched movies, Tina propped up against the other so that her head rested on his shoulder. Movies had been Newt’s idea, a Muggle concept that he had found fascinating. Moving pictures on a screen without the use of magic…. Tina had scoffed at the idea, but even she had to admit that it was pretty amazing seeing it in person. The TV had been a purchase made by Queenie, who had decided to invest after seeing how drawn in the two had been after returning from the theaters.

After a while, however, Newt had once again found his interests caught by a different form of entertainment, that of Tina’s startled shriek when he accidentally squeezed her side whilst adjusting himself. Moments later, Tina had her back pressed against his chest as she attempted to curl in on herself and evade the ticklish hug Newt was administering.

It was truly a wonder how they kept arriving here.

“Please what?” Newt asked, his lips quirking up into that rare teasing smile that Tina both hated and loved dearly. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

“Plehehehease stahahahap!” she giggled, her legs drawing up to her chest as she attempted to protect herself. “Ihihihi—ahahah, ihihit tihihickles! Nehehewt!”

“Alright, alright.” Newt relented, merely resting his hands on her stomach now and rubbing calming circles. “You know, you’re quite cute laughing like that; you should do it more often.”

“I already do it enough, thanks to you,” she replied with a wry grin, her words coming out in an exhausted huff as she fought to regain her breath back. “I don’t understand why you insist on doing it so often.”

“I believe he wants you to return the favor.”

The two startled, Tina letting out a startled yelp as a dark crimson flooded Newt’s cheeks, and they both turned to see Queenie standing at the doorway. Evidently, the two had just returned.

“Q-Queenie,” Newt stammered, with the intent of replying some kind of denial, but Jacob popped his head around her shoulder before he could, viewing the scene curiously.

“What favor? Oh hey, is that Felix the Cat?” Jacob quickly made his way over to them, taking a seat on the couch besides them.

“He what?” Tina repeated, ignoring Jacob and focusing her attention back on Queenie.

Queenie set her purse down, delicately taking a seat besides them. The couch was growing crowded by this point, but none of them appeared to care in the moment. “He wants you to tickle him back.” She paused after a moment, her eyes widening a little. “Oh. Sorry. I didn’t realize it was a secret.”

Newt’s face was permanently burned a color as red as his hair. His mouth was open on a theoretical protest, though it was clear it was too late for that. Eventually, he merely averted his gaze, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “It’s, ah, it’s okay. You didn’t mean to, I know.”

Tina glanced between the two, trying to gather what had just happened. Jacob was the first to speak, raising one eyebrow. “You like being tickled, Newt?”

“I—” Newt started, his voice stuttering and stopping in his throat. He coughed, gripping the back of his neck tightly. Three pairs of eyes were suddenly focused on him, and while Newt didn’t prefer eye contact at the best of times, the awkwardness of the situation certainly did not help anything. Against his better judgement, his flicked his gaze up to meet Tina’s, anxiety getting the better of him. Her eyes were wide with surprise, which he had anticipated. What he had not expected was the tiny smile slowly tugging at her lips, a gentleness to the expression that made Newt’s heart clench in his chest. Ultimately, it was what prompted him to finally find the words to speak again.

“I—uh, yes. That is, I do. Like. To be tickled.” He cleared his throat again, staring at his lap. He tugged at the hem of his shirt, rhythmically pulling at a loose string to distract himself from the panic roiling in his brain. In the background, the TV hummed, though it was clear none of them were paying attention to it anymore.

After what felt like an eternity to him, but was in actuality only around thirty seconds, Jacob piped up, “Well why didn’t you just say so?”

Newt’s head snapped up, his heart slamming against his chest. “What?”

“Yeah,” Queenie agreed, a grin rushing quickly across her features. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just another part of you.”

He felt someone grab his hand and he looked over to see Tina, her face filled with such overwhelming tenderness that he couldn’t help but smile slightly in return. “I love you, Newt. Which means I love making you happy. And if this is what makes you happy, than I’m happy to do so.”

Newt glanced around at the three of them, people who he had grown to love and care about more than he had allowed himself to with others in quite a long time. A tiny bubble of happiness rose in his chest, trapping his throat and making words impossible.

“Do you…” Tina started, before trying again, this time with more confidence. “Do you want us to tickle you? Now, that is.”

Newt flushed, the color spreading to the tips of his ears. He stammered, sentences tripping over themselves in his mouth, before he finally managed a quiet, “Yes. Only if you want to, of course.”

Jacob poked him lightly in the ribs and he jumped, a startled yelp escaping him. “Of course, buddy. After all, what kind of friends would we be if we didn’t help you smile every once in a while?”

Newt opened his mouth to respond, but his words were quickly lost to a flood of giggles as all three of them pounced at once, reducing him into a mess of squirming limbs.

Maybe Legilimency wasn’t so bad, after all. 

[foolgobi65]

i really wish the writers of lucifer hadn't turned chloe and maze's friendship into such an afterthought! like ok:

- when they start in season 2, both of them are in pretty isolated places socially. chloe, already a pretty introverted workaholic, is just newly divorced and has exactly one (1) friend: lucifer. maze has finally split off from lucifer and has two (2) friends: linda and trixie, but for the purposes of this comparison linda really is maze's one friend. maze has just accepted that she's not actually going back to hell, that this time on earth isn't really just a lunch break before they go back to the real world (hell) and so she now has to figure out how to build a real life in LA.

- basically, both maze and chloe are kind of in similar positions in terms of being isolated and really only having a singular overwhelming relationship with someone as opposed to having a network they can rely on so that all their eggs aren't in one basket. you can see where this backfires on both of them throughout the series when linda spends the week not talking to maze after seeing lucifer's face, and when lucifer runs off to vegas and suddenly chloe is stuck with all these feelings she can't express (and crucially can't talk about to him, her best friend.) ofc lucifer and maze's relationship transcends friendship just based on their immense history and is its own weird thing that i also kind of wish they had given more thought to, but w/e.

- enter: maze and chloe's friendship! i think for both maze and chloe, the other person is as "far" as you could get from themselves, but is fascinatingly still someone they can like, respect, love, and be loyal to. for a good while (and this is something i REALLY wish they had maintained) chloe, maze, and dan are basically raising trixie together which takes so much respect and trust that the other person is someone you want having a hand in influencing a kid you love! i think what's interesting is that, unlike lucifer who is trying to answer existential questions about his place/purpose in the universe, maze is really just focused on the people she cares about and having a good time (which is rooted in her doing meaningful work as a bounty hunter.) chloe is someone who pursues duty to the point of self-sacrifice, and obviously her friendship with lucifer helps her loosen up, but the pedestal he places her on/reverence he sometimes feels for her prevents him from really popping that bubble in the same way maze does. also chloe and lucifer's relationship gets SO much more complicated around the time maze enter's chloe's life so the role that lucifer once had to shock chloe out of her comfort zone kind of goes to maze once chloe has to draw some personal boundaries with lucifer.

- i think the key to maze and chloe's friendship is that they're both people who desperately need someone who embodies the other person's best trait. while this tendency isn't always healthy, maze is fundamentally someone very loyal to those she believes deserves it. obviously she's also betrayed people a billion times but at her core she's deeply committed to those she cares about which is something that i can see chloe find really appealing. at this point chloe has spent so much of her life in this weirdly precarious position where, since her dad's death she hasn't been able to fully trust anyone or open up to them. obviously she loves dan, but its clear that even when they're still "good" he doesn't trust her instincts or potential like he should, and when he spent those months gaslighting her the issue for her even beyond the fact that he shot malcom would have been that he didnt support or trust his wife. the appeal of lucifer is that from the beginning he identifies that she's smart and moral with good instincts. he trusts her, and strangely over the season she begins to trust him too! and then he runs off to vegas, etc etc lol. maze's primary loyalty probably isn't to chloe, but we see that to the best of her capacity she wants chloe to be happy -- she gets the prison warden killed, she "tries" and then really does listen to chloe venting about lucifer, attends the parent night chloe was stressed about, sets aside her grudge with lucifer to find chloe.

- in turn, chloe's best trait is her ability to accept people as they are and see their potential. of course she doesnt really have that many friends, but the people she is attracted to are all works in progress (dan is obvious, as are lucifer and maze lmao, but there's also ella who confesses something very personal and scary to chloe and gets a hug in return, and even charlotte who chloe's had clashes with both as charlotte and Mom for years but still gets the benefit of the doubt.) maze does have to change when she comes to live with chloe and trixie, but we see trixie grow up heavily influenced by maze in ways that makes it clear that chloe must genuinely like maze, or those influences like the handshake and the passion for gore and the knife training wouldnt have been allowed. we know that the reason maze is so loyal to lucifer is that he was the first person to ever accept her for who she was unconditionally, without shame or judgment. we see that for lucifer chloe is that person, especially because she sees his potential for growth just as she sees maze's. because she doesnt have preconcieved notions of what they're supposed to be she only sees them as people going through a difficult period of growth and supports them as best she can: reminding maze that they're friends, worrying about her in canada, trusting her with trixie who is the most important person in chloe's life.

- of course, chloe and maze have lucifer and linda but narratively lucifer and linda become so much MORE for chloe and maze. the show sunk linda/maze lmao but linda's clearly the adult maze cares most about just as lucifer is chloe's. and for both in s3 this person they each place so much of themselves into suddenly hurts them and they both spiral. i think there was real potential for chloe and maze to become each other's support and develop into a really steady, enduring friendship in contrast to the chaos of their individual romances (you will NEVER convince me that triangle was about amenadiel rather than linda lmao.) even post s3, they don't really address that maze really hurt chloe by pushing her towards pierce, and that chloe hurt maze by lying to her. i really think there could have been a lot of growth from maze going back to living with chloe and trixie after making full ammends and chloe realizing that actually, yes she can deal with this and it isn't that scary and then the tragedy of her maybe missing her shot with lucifer becomes more stark. we see chloe and maze teaming up in the first episode of 5A but then they blow that up too! i get that chloe needs space and its clear they're both using the other as placeholders for the people they really want, but there's no reason that they couldnt have come back together later and re-established their friendship on screen. obv they wouldnt work together after lucifer comes back, but to me this is where i believe they should go back to living together. without that, maze's connection to trixie in terms of what they can show on screen becomes tenuous and chloe's home life just becomes less interesting/worthwhile to see bc it'd just be her or maybe her with trixie. without that, it feels like we just see a lot of chloe either at work or in relation to lucifer (bc thats the best bang for your buck in terms of interaction!) we do get to see maze with linda, which is nice, but idk just feels like a step back from early s3 when maze felt more embedded in a community of people who liked, accepted, and cared about her wellbeing.

- i think one of the issues is that chloe and maze's friendship might have seemed like a knock off of their "main" relationships with lucifer and linda bc they have similar dynamics with them, but idk! there's a sense of fun that we get from their friendship that we dont really see from the main pairings because those are so serious and passionate and the main mechanisms by which the 4 grow so there isn't as much room for the lighter stuff. i know i said that chloe sees the potential for growth but she's not really pushing maze to talk about her feelings. she's doing the dishes maze won't, smiling at maze and trixie's handshake, shrugging off the fact that maze is throwing knives at their rented walls. maze and chloe create space for each other to be seen as themselves, good or bad, in ways that linda and lucifer can't for whatever reason. they don't really push each other, just let the other person be. it wouldnt be the ideal dynamic if they were the only person in each other's lives, but i think its vital to have someone in your life who can, in chloe's case, gently push you outside of your comfort zone and in maze's case offer acceptance, friendship, and trust.

idk this is just going in circles as i repeat the same points over and over and over but i really wish they had put more thought into sustaining the maze and chloe friendship throughout s4 and s5 because it would have brought out notes in both of them narratively that i think are lost otherwise. also its just sad for trixie that someone who was basically part of her family who she was living with is just...not there anymore and that's never addressed. : (

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #467

“oh, mary, mary, ain’t this fun?  /  mary, mary, i’ve got a gun”

If the last person you kissed asked you to marry them, what would you do? Pray to god it wasn't in public and tell him it's waaaay too soon for that one. Does your favorite uncle have any children? Yeah, a son and daughter. Name all the members (first, middle and last names) from your favorite band. Ha, it's funny how once upon a time, I could do this. All I've got now is John Michael Osbourne. Have you ever heard a young child swear? Maybe? Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo?: Yes to both. Has a taste of something ever made you smile? Boy meet me at The Cheesecake Factory and see what my face does lmaooo As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a paleontologist sooo badly. I wanted to discover new dinosaurs, put a shitload of work into unearthing fossils and being so proud to see the final results... Even now as an adult, if I could handle the heat, traveling, and hardcore school, I'd still love to do that. Would you cuss the person you hate the most out to their face? No. My hatred for her is unjustified and I'd rather just not say anything to her. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? As one of the strongest people around. I imagine her with a job in medical coding, while also pursuing the hobbies of ball python breeding and writing. I'm sure she'll have loads of pets to love, too! Do you like Florence + The Machine? I've never listened to them. Did you watch the presidential debates? No. Do you ever watch Dr. Phil? No. Are you typically unattracted to people outside of your race? No; I can be attracted to any race. Have you ever ridden any animal other than a horse? No. Do you brush your hair when it’s wet? Yes. Do you eat the crusts of your bread? Yeah, I always have. Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah! At my childhood home, there was a tobacco field directly across the street, and when they weren't in season so the field was flat, Dad would help us with getting kites set up and in the air. Those are good memories. How are you for money? I don't make any money. Mom is struggling. Do you think you are more intelligent than the average person? Ha, no. Do you ever think about why we are here? Does it matter? We're here, so make the most of it. Do you like cherries? I fucking hate cherries. Name a celebrity that you admire that nobody would expect you to: Jeffree Star, probs. Can you use a yoyo? Not well, but yeah. Do you think Jenna Marbles’ videos are funny? I've actually never watched her. Do you like folk music? NOOOOOOOOO Ever had a crush on somebody of the same sex? Yes. Do you know any lesbians? Yep. Favourite member of your favourite band: I'm unfamiliar with all but Ozzy himself. And Ozzy is rad. Who’s your favourite female rapper? I don't have one. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No. I sometimes have very, very quick spasms when I'm falling asleep that feel like what I assume a seizure would, but they barely last a second. They seriously jerk me awake, though, and are very startling. What’s the oldest man-made object you own? I dunno. Is there anything you feel like you need a break from? Not really, no. What do you hate to hear people joke about? I will actually and remorselessly deck you in the jaw if you make a joke about rape. There are other things that are absolutely forbidden joking matters for me, too. What’s the largest animal you’ve seen in the wild? Hmmm... Nothing that big, really. Maybe a whitetail deer buck? Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yeah. We've had some savage thunderstorms. What political issues are the most important to you personally? LGBTQ+ rights and just equality in general, the pro-choice movement, environmental conservation, gun control, the abolishment of poverty and homelessness... There is honestly a lot. I could keep going. Do you know anyone who doesn’t know how to cook even just simple recipes? ... Me. :x Especially now that I'm in a relationship, I really want to make a greater effort to learn. I want to prove to him I give a damn about the success of our relationship and that I'm capable of being an adult that can take part in general adult responsibilities. ^What’s stopping them from learning this basic life skill? Laziness. Forgetfulness. The fear of getting burned. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? I can pick up on sketchy body language from a mile away. I'm too paranoid not to. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? At least from photographs I've seen, Utah appears BEAUTIFUL. That whole region of the U.S. in general. Are there any obscure foods you’ve eaten that most people have never tried? That's very unlikely. I'm far from explorative with food. When you travel to other countries, do you always try the local cuisine? I've never been outside the U.S. I would probably do that, though. I'd really want to experience the culture as thoroughly as I could. What did you do for your 19th birthday? Hell if I remember. What’s the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? I remember as a young kid, my parents, two sisters, and I were getting food at McDonald's, and whoever was in front of us paid for our meals. Such a sweet gesture for a larger family. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? No, but there actually is one that I can't recall the name of that I'd like to try when I cook myself, especially getting started learning, but yeah, subscription fees. You see a lot of YouTubers get sponsored by them, if that rings a bell. Do you have any psychological issues rooted in events from your childhood? Possibly my fear of men, with my dad having been an alcoholic that had a 50/50 chance of being very angry when drunk. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty organized, I'd say. I put stuff into folders. Would you date someone with braces? Yes? Do you ever rehearse conversations before you have them? Only always. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Myself, for sure. When taking a cab, do you talk to the driver? I've never even taken a cab. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? Nobody, really. My cat is occasionally in the living room to see who's home, but not always because he's a lazy cat, ha ha. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Not really, no. I wish. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No, bc I'm poor. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? No. Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? Yeah. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want some 'cuz I'm paranoid as hell. Are you waiting on anything right now? No. Have you ever been described as shy? Is it true? Oh, always. It's absolutely true. Name something you’re a complete sucker for? Baby animals, to name one thing. Do you remember when you first went on the internet? Nope. What is one way someone could completely put you off on a first date? Arrogance/over-confidence. What about a way someone could make you like them more on a first date? Make me genuinely laugh a lot, to name one way. Are you in love right now? Not yet. I love him with our decade of history, but I need more experience as a couple before I've got the confidence to say that. Do you wanna get married anytime soon? It wouldn't be smart to. I want to be in a strong relationship for quite a few years before I want that. Have you ever kissed someone in a band? No. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No but oh my fucking god I wish!!!!!! Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth? No, but Mom would threaten to. What was the last fruit you ate? Well, I had strawberry yogurt earlier today. Who was the last person to make you laugh? Girt. He is very, very good at that. Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you? No. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Hell yeah man. Is there one night of your life you wish had never happened? I wish it hadn't happened the way it did. Do you have a close relationship with your sibling(s)? No. What was the last thing that you shared? Some watermelon Sour Patch Kids with my mom. Do you think people talk behind your back? You couldn't get me to believe my mom doesn't at least sometimes to my sisters even if you tried your absolute damnedest. In real life do you laugh like ‘haha,’ 'hehe’ or something else? It depends on what I'm laughing at/at what intensity. Do you have any unusual skills? Nah. Who’s your favourite person? I don't have a sole favorite person. I love many people in different ways for varying reasons. Are there any chores you actually enjoy doing? No. When did you last have an "Oh, I get it now!" moment? Watching Attack on Titan yesterday w/ Girt. Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? My mom HAD to have suspected I was doing something FAR worse than innocent meerkat RP to have borderline fucking traumatized me invading my privacy and forcing shit out of me regarding what I was always doing on the computer so secretively. Like I get it, she was a concerned mother, but I was a fucking WRECK because I found it so embarrassing. It was insulting that she didn't trust her well-behaved daughter. What do you think about video games? They're great for both the creators and consumers. They're wonderful expressions of creativity, and so much fun to experience as a player, delving into a new world and getting engrossed in the story. I could go onnnn and onnnnn about what video games mean to me. I've gone my whole life as a loyal gamer. Are there any forms of Art you personally find pointless? I really, really don't get a lot of abstract art that's worth fucking thousands, BUT, I absolutely disagree that they are without purpose. The artist created what they did for SOME reason. As a distraction, a method of expressing emotion, to convey an idea... Are you tired right now? I have been SO ridiculously tired today. Like it's unreal. I've taken I wanna say three naps and I'm still sleepy. What’s something you do a lot? Drink something. I'm not talking about alcohol; just in general, I ALWAYS need some kind of drink by me, and I go through drinks pretty quickly. Are you currently on any other websites? Yeah, I'm watching YouTube. Are you good at using Photoshop? I'm decent, I guess. Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way? Yes, actually, at least by my mom, and she's right. My head tends to tilt VERY slightly to the right, and I can tell by how easy it is to bend my head that way as opposed to left. I'll feel a biiiit more strain.

[quensty]

@floorsirens​ you!!! u are godsend!!!! it’s an honor to be bullied by u every day on tumblrnatural. i’m sorry in advance that this got long. 

“steve” is actually an idea i came up w two (?) or so years ago after a conversation i had w min where we decided the only possible explanation behind why they made price look like a fifty year old steve was that hydra tricked the winter soldier into thinking price was actually steve. also this was a sambuckysteve fic. 

“You should give him time,” Sam says from the kitchen counter, pouring two glasses of orange juice. 

It’s still early morning, with thin strips of light starting to come in through the curtains. Down the hall, the door to Bucky’s room is closed. Sam and Steve are still sweaty from their run, but neither of them have made any move towards the bathroom. 

“I don’t think it’s a memory thing,” Steve says, taking the glass Sam offers with a quiet thanks. 

Sam starts rummaging through the fridge and pulling out pans. When Sam needs to feel in control, he makes breakfast. “You just said he looks at you like he doesn’t know you.” 

“I don’t know,” he says, muffled by the rim of his glass. “It’s like he’s seeing a memory. Or a ghost.”

“That’s understandable.” 

Steve shakes his head. “He doesn’t trust me.” 

And that, above all else, shakes Steve to the core. There was a time when it was Steve and Bucky against the world. Being with Bucky used to be the only time when Steve—even for a few fleeting moments—finally felt at home within his skin. 

“Also understandable,” Sam says, cracking an egg open. “Trusting you means getting your car scrapped.” 

“I cannot believe you’re still mad about this.” 

“It was a new fucking car, Steve. She still had that new leather smell.” 

“I’ll buy you another one,” he says, leaning over Sam’s shoulder to drop a pinch of black pepper into the pan. Sam turns so they’re chest to chest.

“I’m sure you’re good for it,” Sam says, in that way he has that means he’s laughing at Steve. “You and your Captain America charms.” 

Steve can’t possibly not kiss him. 

ANYWAY. here’s some actual plot: 

“How long are you going to keep this up?” 

Steve inhales. Exhales slowly. “There’s nothing to keep up.” 

“Sure,” he says hollowly, “because you’re Steve, right?” 

Steve doesn’t say anything. 

“I went to that museum, you know,” he continues. “Rogers died in the war. He flew into the ice.” 

“Then they dug him up 70 years later.” Steve feels weird talking about himself in the third person, but he forces himself to face Bucky. “He’s been back for a while.” 

“No,” Bucky insists, “no one can survive that. He has health issues.” His tone says, You can’t trick me. 

“Not after the procedure,” says Steve, adding: “Don’t look at me like that. You knew about the serum. You know about it now.” Steve takes a chance and takes a few steps closer. “Come on, Buck. I’ve been able to read you since we were eight-years-old.”

Bucky backs away. “You’re not him.” 

Steve would try to prove it, recall a memory only the two of them would share, but he’s not sure exactly what Bucky remembers and what hasn’t resurfaced yet, and if Bucky can’t verify it in any way on his own, it’s pointless. 

TRULY the worst thing i’ve ever written. 94% of this is sad. 

“moving in together renison” is (thankfully) mostly fun! i really liked writing about renison owning a ranch in counting my blessings, so i came up w this idea where allison moves into her parent’s ranch after graduation. renee and allison are dating at this point, but allison is still sort of mourning seth at the same time, so the fic is meant to tackle allison’s guilt and grief. but there’s also lots of plants. 

here’s what i have written so far (minus a few odd lines): 

The first things Renee moves into Allison’s house are her plants.

“What the fuck?” Allison asks, squinting at Renee. Allison is still in a tank top and her favorite pair of silk pajama bottoms, but Renee is standing on her porch in a white summer skirt and a light blue cardigan. Her hair has gotten long enough that she can tie it into a small ponytail.

Also, she’s holding an armful of plants.

Renee doesn’t react. Instead, she says, “Good morning.”

“Yeah, hi,” Allison says. “What the fuck are you doing? Why are you dressed like that?”

Renee slides her a disapproving look at that. There are a few beads of sweat on her forehead. “Allison,” she says. “Let me in.”

Allison steps aside. Renee’s elbow bumps into Allison’s rib as she nudges past.

Allison follows Renee into the kitchen, where Renee has set the pots down on her table. Bits of soil litter the floor.

“Where did you get all of this?”

“I saw a woman selling them on my drive here,” Renee says. “You have a greenhouse. I thought you might enjoy it.”

“Greenhouse is a strong word.” The huge, windowed room by the living room was probably intended to be a greenhouse when her parents built this place, but it’s currently filled with storage boxes and things Allison prefers not to look at.

Allison reaches out and touches one of the plants. She doesn’t know a lot about these things, but the leaves look strong and green. Healthy. They’ll grow long enough to spill out of the pot.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Allison looks at Renee. “If I’d remembered it was Sunday, I would’ve woken up earlier to make you breakfast. You’ll have to settle for coffee.”

Renee smiles, pulling Allison in by the band of her pants. Her thumb strokes the bare strip of skin between them and her top. “Settle?” she asks.

“Well, it is amazing Colombian coffee.”

Renee kisses her then, open-mouthed and lavish. Her other hand moves up to cup the back of Allison’s head.

LOVE IS STORED IN THE EGGS. as if that’s my fault. 

omg the “baby jack agenda” ... my magnum opus. i fully expect this to be the best thing i’ve ever written. i want it to be extremely funny and very sad and hopefully romantic. how will i accomplish this? i have no clue! 

most of what i’ve written is disconnected and doesn’t make much sense together unless u have my brain, but here’s a part i really like: 

“Dean,” Sam says. “Stop sulking.” 

“I’m not sulking,” he insists. “I’m not.” 

“I can’t believe this,” Sam says, ignoring him. “This was your idea!” 

“Duh. We can’t keep putting Jack in our laps and hoping a cop doesn’t catch us.” 

Jack, who is sucking on his hand in his car seat, takes it out to make cooing noises. 

“You got something to say?” Dean asks him, and unexpectedly, Jack starts making noises that sound like he’s trying to spit out Dean’s name. 

“No way,” Sam says, crowding closer. 

“You wanna say ‘Dean’?” Dean asks him. “Come on, kid. ‘Dean’?” 

“‘Sam’?” Sam tries, and laughs when Dean smacks him in the chest, saying, “Shut up, Sam. He’s almost got it.” 

the worst thing abt writing this so far has been finding out baby fever is a real thing. 

i think i’ve already sent u what i’ve written so far from both “what if dean was a priest” and “zukka college thing” so i’ll save u from having to read my awful first drafts again. and for “CAS THE VIRGIN MARY” i ... i literally cannot describe it. no one knows where it’s going, least of all me. 

“I thought you, of all people, would understand,” Castiel says.

“Understand what?” Dean snaps. Castiel knows he’s furious, can see it in the flush coloring his face and the tight set to his jaw. “You going behind our backs? Lying to us?”

“I only lied because I had no choice. I knew you wouldn’t listen to me if I came to you outright--”

“You’re damn right.”

“I am doing what I can to save Heaven,” Castiel says, something hot and prickling swelling in his chest. It seems like every time they meet, Dean Winchester introduces Castiel to a new human emotion. “While still protecting you and your brother. I do not have to justify myself to you, Dean, but I am still your friend.”

“Get your head out of your ass and listen to me, Cas,” Dean insists. “What you’re doing is gonna come crashing around your ears if you don’t stop. You think Crowley doesn’t have his own agenda?”

“He has never pretended otherwise. Neither have I.”

“You arrogant, stupid son of a bitch.” 

“I am chosen, Dean. Do you understand? I am the vessel meant to execute his vision. God wants me to restore order. Do you expect me to refuse?”

“Yes!” Dean shouts. “That’s a stupid fucking question!”

[upamongthestarss]

When Love Walked In//Bill Denbrough

a/n: please be kind! this is my first time publishing on tumblr, and i’m not the best writer 💘 oh, and warnings! very mild nsfw, brief mention of self harm (blink and you’ll miss it)

Y/n takes a drag and squirms under Richie’s glance, just knowing that he’s going to pick on her, as per usual.

“Hmmm…. Y/n, truth or dare?”

Figures. “Um, truth.” Better to be safe than sorry when it comes to Richie.

“What was the farthest you and Bill have ever gone?”

Her cheeks turn pink as she passes the joint to Bill, her boyfriend since the age of thirteen. “Well-”

“Was this really necessary, Trashmouth?” Ben interrupts. “I’d much rather not know about my sister’s sexual life, thank you.”

“Close your ears if you want to, Benny,” Y/n giggles while he fumes over the nickname. “Probably just hickeys and groping.”

“Really? You’ve been dating for three years and that’s it?” Stanley raises his eyebrows.

“Okay, St-Stan, y-y-you talk to m-me when you’ve lost your vir-virginity.”

“Come on, Big Bill, we all know you’ve been ready to have sex with her since sophomore year.”

Richie knows he messed up right away, especially as everyone stares at him accusingly- everyone but Y/n, who awkwardly looks around the room and sings under her breath like she didn’t hear.

“N-nice, R-R-Richie,” Bill whispers.

“Bill, I am so sorry.”

Y/n still feigns oblivion and scans the room. “Bev, truth or dare?”

“Dare,” she shrugs, continuing the game. Y/n tries to forget about what happened until it’s time to leave the clubhouse. Her ride, conveniently enough, is Bill.

He didn’t want to leave his car on the outskirts of the barrens, so instead he pedals Silver to the clubhouse and back, with Y/n squeezing the living daylights out of him. It’s a quiet ride back, save the strange, existential comments Bill occasionally makes and her singing Can’t Fight This Feeling on repeat. It’s not until he’s almost back to Y/n’s house that she gathers enough courage to say what she wants to.

Because, in all honesty, she’s been ready to have sex too, just way too shy to say so.

“So… when do your parents come back from their cruise?”

She asks it casually, as if to wonder what day their English test is. In fact, it’s so casual that Bill doesn’t even take the hint (although it may not help that he’s utterly stoned at the moment).

“T-Tuesday.”

“And are you doing anything Saturday night?”

He skids Silver to a stop on the pavement. “No…”

“So what time do you want me to come over?”

*********

Singing happily, Y/n twists the last strand of hair around her curling iron and lets it tumble over her shoulder. She’s struggled with self esteem issues in the past, but she personally thinks she looks beautiful right now. While she puts on her pineapple lip gloss, her brother comes into the bathroom to grab some ibuprofen.

“You look awfully nice to sleep over at Bev’s,” he comments.

She freezes. “Yup….”

“Is there a reason that you’re so dressed up?” he gestures to her lavender party dress.

“We’re, uh, going to see Pippin at the fancy theater,” she fibs smoothly, but her twin sees right through her and smirks.

“Oh, funny, I thought opening night was next week?”

Y/n glares. “Okay, fine, I’m sleeping over at Bill’s, okay? But you can’t tell mom, please?”

“I don’t know, Y/n, this is a pretty big secret to hide.”

“Come on, Ben, I keep all of your secrets!”

He gives a cough that sounds a lot like the beer in my room.

“Hey, that was your own fault for breaking my favourite tape.”

“It was an accident!”

“It wasn’t an accident when you took it without asking,” Y/n puts her hands on her hips.

Ben sighs, not wanting to lose this argument. “How about this- if I get our car for the weekend, I won’t tell mom.”

“But Benny, I need that car to get to Bill’s!”

“You just made things ten times worse for yourself by calling me that. Besides, I’ll drive you there. It’s the car or no deal.”

She knows right then and there that she is out of luck. Her brother cannot bluff for his own life, so she has no choice but to agree.

But she can’t stay annoyed for long because she’s beyond excited for what’s coming. Her knee bounces in anticipation the whole drive, and she even sings along to the radio (which isn’t anything new, except for she’s louder than usual).

When Ben pulls up to Bill’s driveway, Y/n kisses his cheek and hops out instantly. He has to shout for her to come back and grab her duffel bag.

“Be safe!” he tells her. ”Love you!”

“Ben, I LOVE you!” she waves her hand off as he drives into the distance.

Bill’s waiting for her in the doorway, wearing jeans, a flannel, and a smile.

“Hey, Y-Y/n.”

She runs into his open arms and takes in the faint smell of his cologne. She already has butterflies.

“Y-you w-want to order a p-p-pizza, or-?”

“I’m honestly not that hungry,” she admits. “Are you?”

He shakes his head truthfully.

“D-d-do you w-want to go up-upstairs?”

“Sure.”

Bill leads the way to his bedroom, though she’s been there several times. He can’t get her out of his head. Her angelic curls, her dress the color of lilacs. She’s more lovely than a flower. He can hear her singing sweetly as they climb to his room.

“Love walked right in and drove the shadows away. Love walked right in and brought my sunniest day.”

He remembers when she sang that song at her recital last year. It was a true song for both of them.

When Y/n first moved to Derry, people made fun of her brother for his weight and herself for her nose and quirky personality. Her self esteem plunged and she refused to talk to anyone about it. Friendless and hopeless, she would cross-hatch her forearms and eventually stop singing altogether. But then her brother met the Losers, and encouraged Y/n to hang out with them some time. She instantly bonded with Bill, who had low self esteem because of his stutter and mainly because he blamed himself for the death of his brother. With the Losers, Y/n began to feel like she belonged again. She had friends that loved her for who she is- personality and nose included. Bill and her developed crushes on each other and in early August, following the Losers’ brief separation. One night during that time period, they spilled all of their issues on each other. The night ended with an innocent peck under the stars in his backyard. Love walked in and saved them both. After Pennywise was defeated, the two encouraged each other to see a therapist. Slowly but surely, they got healthy, and Y/n started singing again. In fact, she never stops singing now. It drives Ben quite mad sometimes.

She sings better than anyone he knows, and anytime she lets that sweet voice go, he melts.

“I m-made a tape. F-f-for… you know. But I’d m-m-much rather y-y-you sing for us.”

She giggles softly at the thought of her singing while he moans. “A tape sounds wonderful.”

He pops it in his stereo and listens to her gasp in excitement.

“I love Unchained Melody!!”

“Y-y-you don’t know h-how long it t-t-took for this s-song to c-come on the radio. I had to r-r-request it ev-eventually.”

“That’s so thoughtful, Bill.”

Y/n cups his face and gives him an open mouthed kiss. He’s instantly hard.

“I’m ready, Bill,” she whispers.

“Muh-muh-me t-t-too.”

His stutter is evidently worse; he’s nervous out of his mind, after all. But he takes control of the situation, scooping Y/n up and placing her on his bed like she’s the most fragile diamond.

She reaches and grabs Bill by his collar, pulling his lips to hers. Underneath their gasping and the music are their uncontrollable heartbeats. It’s almost as if they’re going to beat straight out of their chests!

Bill pulls away to unbutton his shirt, but Y/n is already on it. When it’s completely open, she pulls it off of his shoulders and squeezes his muscles. He’s so toned from all of the sports he does (mainly baseball), but Y/n always finds herself surprised at how muscular he really is.

He glides his hand gently along her chest, as if she’s his piano, before grabbing her spaghetti straps. He slips them down her arms and ever so slowly pulls the dress down her body. Her chest is braless, and by now he’s practically creamed his pants. His mind is hazy, though he’s completely sober.

Okay, Bill. Think, you idiot. You need to stimulate her now so she can finish later.

He places his warm hands on Y/n’s frigid stomach and feels her tense up.

“Is-is-is this o-o-o-okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just ticklish,” she laughs.

He takes his hand down to her panties and shoves it under them.

Y/n is already in heaven.

******

The pizza man gets quite a shock when Bill opens the door in nothing but his boxers, but he doesn’t give a flying shit. Besides, better him than Y/n, who’s wearing a just flannel with her ass hanging out.

They chuckle about his reaction, devouring the pizza and watching Beverly Hills 90210.

“I never thanked you, you know,” Y/n pipes up during a commercial break.

“For the p-pizza? It was o-only five b-b-bucks.”

“Not for the pizza. For the sex,” she responds bluntly. “That was… incredible. Thank you.”

Bill turns red. “Th-thank you. You w-w-were p-perfect. You a-a-are perfect.”

“I think you’re pretty perfect too,” she grins, giving him a kiss.

Bill smiles at her. He’s never loved someone like this before, spiritually or physically. Sure, he’s jacked off several times (like every other guy in the world), but the pleasure and adoration he received from Y/n just in the past hour was insurmountable. And he can’t wait for the rest of his life with her.

“R-round two?”

Y/n beams, and before she can stop herself, she says the quirkiest thing ever.

“Abso-freaking-lutely.”

[marylight098]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑷𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝑯𝒆𝒍𝒍 (𝑱𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒌𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝑶𝒏𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕 18+)

♛ Summary: All of your life you’ve been running away from your home. But what happens when an opportunity of freedom presents to you? An opportunity that offers an empty seat next to the king’s throne. Will you accept?

♛ Pairing: Jungkook x reader 

♛ Genre: angel/demon, smut, one shot

♛ music: daddy issues (The Neighborhood) , a little death (The Neighborhood), lust (Chase Atlantic)            

 ·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

It’s been five months since I escaped from what I had to call “home”. They’ve been five months full of unfortunate events, but I’ve managed to survive on my own. However, they kept following me; despising all of my attempts to achieve freedom, they kept appearing in my life. I’ve traveled to four different countries so far: Japan, Italy, Egypt and Puerto Rico. And my fiancé’s minions always managed to find a way to find me. Thankfully, I’ve escaped every mishap. But all of this constant running away was getting to me. I was mentally and physically exhausted, wanting all of this to end. Was freedom too much to ask? I just wanted to live a normal stable life; It was all I’ve ever desired since I was a little girl.

Currently, I was staying in the small island of Mauritius. Although it was an island full of beauty, it was still unknown by many people, making it a perfect hiding place from both my parents and fiancé. I’d been living here for two weeks and so far, I haven’t seen any of my fiancé’s puppets, which was good news. And since today I received extra bucks for covering for a friend of mine at work, I decided to treat myself with a good meal from a seafood restaurant I had been dying to try ever since I got here.

I was still getting ready in my room. I had settled for a sexy but classy look, giving myself a winged eyeliner and cherry red lips. For the outfit, I chose a fit and flare lace dress that went down to my knees, exposing my smooth legs. The upper part of the dress consisted of spaghetti straps and a v-neck that exposed part of my breasts. It was a daring attire, but that was just who I was. I would say this was a way of showing off my true identity. After all, I belonged to myself and nobody else.

I finished it off with some black platform high heels and luxurious silver jewelry I had stolen from my fiancé’s mother. After letting my hair loose, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. And I felt... content within my own skin, which was an unfamiliar feeling to me. My parents never allowed me to wear this type of clothing nor use makeup. For them, it was a taboo subject that only belonged to what society likes to call “whores”. But here I was, sharing my beauty with the world and there was nothing wrong with it. I could already feel my Manipura chakra showing off its light, finally being able to free itself from any fear or doubt; filling my body with pure bliss and confidence.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

I was quickly seated by one of the restaurant waitresses. She sat me at a table placed in one of the corners of the restaurant; giving me a good view of the people and the restaurant itself. She gave me the menu and sent a polite smile before leaving to attend the table next to me. When I opened the menu, I realized there was so much to choose from and it made my whole body shake from excitement; making my lips curve into a smile. I probably looked like a crazy person smiling at the menu. But today was my day; the day I get to be my true self without fear of judgment.

As I was looking at the menu, I began to feel the familiar feeling of being stalked. My senses quickly became alert for any danger that might be surrounding me. Thinking it might be my fiancé’s puppets, I stealthily began looking at my surroundings using the menu as a cover. I took a glance at every table but all there was, was families or couples happily enjoying their company with one another.

Maybe I'm becoming too paranoid I thought to myself.

I laid my back on the chair again and tried to relax. I continued looking at the menu, deciding on what to eat. But my eyes went immediately to the letters being written on the right side of the menu, in what seemed like blood; staining the white tablecloth with its residue. Watching this situation unfold before my eyes made my whole body become paralyzed with fear, giving me no choice than to wait for what was going to happen next.

I wonder if people are seeing what I’m witnessing right now.

I glanced carefully at the people seated close to me but they didn’t seem to notice... or actually see it.

As words began to form, my eyes went back to the menu. Look... again... more... slowly. I read in my head as the words appeared one by one.

I took a deep breath and with my trembling hands, I placed the menu on the table; keeping my gaze down. I was contemplating on whether to make a run for it or follow its orders. But i knew this wasn’t something to be messed with; this wasn’t my parents or fiancé’s doings... and most definitely... this wasn’t a human. So I lifted up my gaze, searching for the unknown source that demanded attention. My eyes went from table to table, inspecting each person more carefully. Until they collided with another pair of eyes that were already staring at my panicked ones. I froze.

“It” was a he. And he was... beautiful. I was bewildered by my own feelings. I was supposed to feel fear, not attraction by this unknown creature. The way he was dressed, the way his hair fell perfectly on his face and the way he sat... all of it screamed power and danger... which I found strangely alluring.

Next to him sat a brunette that wore a tight red satin dress that accentuated her curves. She had a natural makeup look, making her already attractive features stand out. I immediately felt insecure and made me question why he was looking at me when he already had her.

She kept trying to grab his attention, but his eyes never left mine. He was clearly uninterested in what she had to say or do. And for some reason, he seemed to be more captivated by me. But does he do this to every girl, replacing them when he gets bored of them? I wouldn’t be surprised; he appeared to be the type of guy who had every girl bowed down onto their knees just for him.

He tilted his head to the side, still staring at me, giving me a provocative smirk; knowing damn well he had me where he wanted. I quickly redirected my gaze to the menu that laid on the table, trying to contain the blush that began to appear.

“Miss, are you ready to order?” the waitress asked, snapping me back to reality.

“Umm... no. Umm... I think i'm going to leave, I seem to be having umm- period cramps! Yes, period cramps.” I said letting out a nervous chuckle.

“Oh! Well i'm sorry to hear that. You can always come back another day. I hope you get well soon!” she said with a comforting smile.

“Thanks!” I said standing up from my chair and almost running to the door, not daring to look back. And even so, I still felt his gaze follow my every step.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Five days have passed since the incident at the restaurant. And I haven’t been able to get him out of my mind. The whole situation was just so unreal and terrifying. But for now, I decided I’d just keep distracting myself until this unwanted memory eventually disappears from my daily thoughts.

Today was an ordinary day. I worked from 8:00AM to 5:00PM. After I ended my shift, I decided to buy a few groceries since I was running out of some things. And currently, I was heading straight to my apartment so I could finally relax and rest my worn-out body.

I opened the door and placed the groceries on the dining table. And as soon as I did, I started unpacking them. After all the groceries were out of the bags, I walked towards the kitchen to start placing the groceries where they belonged; starting with my favorite nutella jar. As I got to the kitchen, I felt this weird feeling. As if, somebody was already there. But thinking it was just my constant paranoia, I continued walking towards the kitchen. But if only I had known...

“Welcome back, my dear. I’ve waited for you.”

I let out a loud gasp, dropping the jar on the floor; my body tensing itself from the rising fear and, again, I was paralyzed. This man who stood in front of me, was unknown to my sight. But he also emitted the same dark powerful energy as the guy from the restaurant, which made my worry rise even more.

“W-who are y-you? Did my fiancé send you?” I questioned, keeping my distance from him; while trying to look for something I could defend myself with.

“Oh no, no my dear.” He said in a calm tone.

“T-then who a-are you?” I asked with my hands shaking from the panic.

“I have multiple names actually... but one of them is King from Hell. Of course, you can also call me... Lucifer.” He said with a spine-chilling grin.

“W-w-what?” I said while feeling my body become cold and lightheaded.

“But don’t be afraid, child. I came here to save you from your little situation.” He said while coming closer to me, making me take a few steps back.

“What are you talking about?” I said, feeling my eyes start to blur with tears.

“Let’s do a recap, shall we? Poor parents want to force their daughter into marrying a random man who she has never met before, a man who comes from a really wealthy family. The daughter whose life has always been controlled by her parents, decides to run away in search of freedom. But her fiancé had already given them money... for their daughter. So now, they keep searching for their precious daughter in hopes of finally sealing the deal..... sounds familiar?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“How- how do you know all of this?” I said, feeling my cheeks become wet by the falling tears.

“I’m Lucifer.... and Lucifer knows everything. Now... let’s cut to the chase.” He said while taking out what it seemed like a contract, and placed it on the counter between us.

“What is that?”

“This, my dear.... this will give you all you’ve ever wanted in life: freedom.” He said while giving me a grin.

“W-what?”

“This contract that I have here, in front of you, will forever free you from the burden of your parents and fiancé.”

My expression went from fear to hope. But I knew there was a catch to it, it is Lucifer after all.

“But? There is always a but.”

He let out a dark chuckle. “Ah... so intelligent. Yes... there is a ‘but’.”

“And that is...?”

“Marry my son and become the future queen of hell.”

“WHAT?!” I exclaimed, shocked by his lunatic proposition.

“My son has been obsessed with you for these past few days. He usually doesn't stay on Earth that long, so I had to send one of my people to look for him. And when they found him, they saw him staring at a girl from afar while she was dining happily with her beloved friends. And surprise, surprise... that girl was you, my dear. When they told me this, I thought it was another one of his temporary conquests. But as they kept following him every day... guess what he kept doing.”

“I-I don’t get it.”

“Let’s just say he might have fallen in love with you, as humans say. Of course, I don’t understand such nonsense. But he does... after all, he is the child of an angel.”

“How is that even possible?”

“What is it exactly that you don’t understand? Him being an angel’s son or of why he might have fallen in love with you? Either ways, I have an answer for both.” He said while taking a few steps closer, leaning on the counter. “The answer to the first question... well... a long time ago I seduced an angel that was supposed to deliver a message from God to me, but I ended up fucking her in the process. Of course, she was banned from heaven; so she went back to hell and had my son, the future king of hell, Jeon Jungkook.” He said with a cocky attitude.

“And for the second question?”

“Well... that’s something you must ask him personally. As I don't understand these human emotions. And for that... you have to sign the contract, my dear.” He said pushing the contract closer with a grin that showed multiple intentions.

“But I don’t even know him and-“

“Think about it... freedom... and power. Do you really rather stay here, running away constantly? As far as I know... they might be already here searching for you.”

I stood there, deep in thought; trying to figure out what I should do. Making a deal with the devil was like self-suicide. But I was tired of running away. I’d left so many people behind me that I truly loved and considered as family. This endless cycle of disappearing like a shadow when things got complicated, was affecting me emotionally and physically. And I really didn’t want another relapse... I really didn’t... not after all I’ve been through to be what I am today.

“How do I sign?” I said, determined about my decision.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

I was awoken by loud knocks on the door. As I opened my eyes, I was greeted by a room full of luxurious decors and soft satin sheets covering my body. The bed I laid on, almost resembled a cloud from how soft and cushiony it was. As I got up, I realized I wore a red satin nightgown that went up to my knees.

What a pleasant dream I was having. It's sad that eventually I'll wake up from it. I thought with a big smile plastered on my face.

“Princess (Y/N), the Lord Lucifer wants to speak to you.” The stranger’s voice spoke from behind the door.

And slowly I remembered what had happened... and realized where the fuck I was actually at. I was in hell... literal hell.

FUCK! This isn’t a dream!

“C-coming.” I yelled.

I stood up and went to the door, but remembered what I had on. So I quickly went for the wardrobe to choose a more decent outfit. When I opened it, there were multiple dresses to choose from... all so beautiful. I decided to go with an off-the-shoulder black lace dress that touched the floor. I took a quick glance at the mirror, fixed my hair a little and went for the door not wanting to make him wait any longer.

After making a few twists and turns and cringing my ass off from seeing so many paintings of naked Lucifer, I was left alone in front of a tall wooden door; where I was told that the Lord’s throne resided at the other side of the door.

As I was going to open it, I heard a shout that stopped me from grabbing the door handle. Not wanting to enter at a heated moment, I decided to stay outside until the situation cooled down. Instead, I placed my ear as close as possible to the door so I could hear what was happening.

“I still don’t understand how you could be so selfish bringing her here without my consent!” An unknown man’s voice shouted.

“Isn’t that what you wanted, my son?” The familiar voice of Lucifer spoke.

“No! Not at all! She is a human! She doesn’t belong here in this shitty place!”

“Careful with your words or you know what happens, my boy.”

There was a brief silence.

“I do want her... but this wasn’t the way I wanted to meet her; not under these circumstances.” The unknown man said in a more calmed tone.

“There’s no other way. Soon you’ll become king and your responsibilities are down here, not up there. What would you have preferred?”

Silence.

I think I should go in now, they seem to have calmed down I thought, grabbing both door handles and pushing them forward. As I entered the room, I felt all eyes on me and all you could hear was absolute silence. I was still looking at the floor as I walked, I couldn’t look up since I felt like an intruder walking to the middle of an important discussion... which it was but... he did request my presence so here I was.

“Ah... there she is. The future queen of hell. How has your stay been? Did you like the master room I prepared for you, my child?” Lucifer asked.

“Y-yes. It’s really beautiful I must say.” I said trying to avoid eye contact.

“I'm delighted to hear that. Now come... so you can meet your future husband: Prince Jeon Jungkook; the one and only, possessing both heaven’s and hell’s gifts.” He said sounding almost proud of himself for his creation.

As I lifted my gaze, my eyes immediately went to the man that stood next to Lucifer. And as my eyes collided with his... I realIzed who it was. It was him, the guy from the restaurant. He was the prince of hell... and my future husband. And I was... happy.

“You... you are the same guy from the restaurant.” I said feeling my heartbeat speed up and cheeks heat up.

“Yes... I am.” He said looking at me with eyes full of regret and guilt, but even though he was mad at himself for putting you in this place... there was a part of him that felt pleased, knowing he now had you all to himself and nobody could take you away from him.

“Well, now that we are all gathered here, I wanted to notify you both that the wedding will be held in three days. For now, neither of you need to worry about the wedding preparations. My servants will be doing the rest. Is that ok with you both?” Lucifer asked.

We both nodded in approval.

“Good. You are both dismissed.”

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

I was in my room, laid on my bed; deep in thought, trying to convince myself if I had made the right choice.

Maybe I was too blinded by greed. I thought to myself.

What if the prince realizes i'm not what he wanted and I end up being a slave or something?

What if this was all a trick and i'm going to be used as a human sacrifice?

As anxiety kept clouding my mind with lots of questions, I heard knocks coming from the door.

“W-who is it?” I asked.

“It’s me... Jungkook.”

As soon as I heard his voice, I felt an immediate rush of serotonin; making me jump and rush towards the door. When I opened it, our eyes quickly met; both of us falling in a trance with each other.

“Can I come in, princess?” He asked, still in a trance admiring every detail of my face... specially my lips.

“Yes! Of course. Please.” I said gesturing for him to come in.

As soon as he entered, I closed the door. I stood there watching his every move while he slowly inspected the room.

“Are you happy here?” He asked while touching the bed sheets, making sure they were the finest fabrics of the kingdom since he had requested the best of the best for his lady.

“I... I umm-“

“If you want to leave this place just tell me. I'll make sure you return safely to Earth.” He said trying to hide the pain that came from saying those words, but failing.

“But the contract-“

“I'll take care of it, my love.”

There was a brief silence.

“But if I go back... I won't be able to see you.” I said while gazing at the marble floor.

There was a sudden glint of happiness rushing through his eyes, as he now felt hopeful from your words. Any doubts he had, had now vanished; making him feel determined about sharing the feelings he has been desiring to tell you.

“Do you know why I chose you from millions of women?” He asked.

“N-no, I don’t know.” I said.

“It's because of your defiance and rebelliousness against foolish man-made rules and stereotypes. The way you want to change the world by just doing simple actions like wearing that really... really daring attire you wore at the restaurant that made me want to just-“ he paused, closing his eyes while he regained his composure. “Pardon me. As I was saying, the way you want to change the world into a fairer place for everyone is a thing I admire deeply. I've never seen somebody like you, so... daring and confident about their own beliefs. You are just so perfect... for me... only me.” He said; his eyes regaining the needy desire that wishes to be fulfilled, making my breathing’s pace change and knees weak. He noticed.

He tilted his head and poked his tongue into his cheek. “Craving for something?” He said while giving me a mischievous smirk. “You know I can always give it to you if you just ask... after all, I'm yours only.”

I felt my core become warmer and needy, making me grab a fistful of my dress.

“Jungkook...?” I said almost in a whisper.

“Yes, princess...?” He asked in a hoarse voice as he slowly approached me.

“Please...” I said almost letting out a moan.

“Please what?” He said while unbuttoning his shirt in a teasing way.

“Please... take me.”

“My pleasure.” He said walking all determined towards me, picking me up and throwing me onto the bed. He quickly hovered over me, colliding his lips against mine; kissing me roughly and exploring my mouth with his tongue. His lips went from my lips to my jawline and then to my neck, leaving wet kisses behind. As I felt his tongue explore my neck, a soft moan escaped my lips making me blush from embarrassment.

“Fuck... you sound so beautiful.” He said bitting my neck and licking it. “You make me so hard.”

He let out a deep growl, as if he was fighting with his own self and urges. Suddenly, his head lifted, his intense eyes meeting mine as they suddenly started to glow the colour resembling a red moon, his red glowing eyes bored into mine as his quickened breath made him look like he was thirsty…hungry…hungry for me. As if that alone wasn’t enough to raise my heart rate even more. The sudden odd sound that was heard when his beautiful, dark, feathered wings sprouted from his back was both frightening yet exhilarating especially the soft way his wing flapped along with his heavy breath, It was all so breathtaking yet vigorous.

“Do you want to play nicely or would you rather it to be a little more…extreme?” He asked as his red eyes and his smile was filled with an inviting danger, one that was extremely persuasive.

As he awaited for an answer, I was still perplexed by the beauty he had just revealed to me. But he was impatient and in need of my body. And couldn’t wait a second more to be inside of me.

“Not going to choose, my doll? Then I’ll choose for you.” He said, ripping my dress apart leaving me completely exposed to him.

His eyes quickly began scanning every curve and imperfection of my body while leaving a trace of heat as he caressed every area with his fingers, making me moan softly and arch my back from his touch.

“Oh, doll... you have such a beautiful body... too bad it's going to get all fucked up after I finish with you.” He said as he unbuckled his belt and zipped down his pants. As he took his hard member out, he gave it a few strokes and moved closer to my upper body positioning his knees on each side of my head, lowering himself a bit until his member came in contact with my face. I tried to move away but he pushed me back into the bed.

“Remember... dolls stay still while their owners play with them.” He said as he grabbed my chin. I nodded; my breathing becoming louder and agitated.

“Now... open that pretty mouth of yours for me.” He said while he poked lightly my bottom lip with the tip of his cock.

I slowly opened my mouth, still looking directly at his red eyes; making him clench his jaw from desperation. As soon as he saw my mouth completely opened, he slid his member into my mouth with force letting out a deep grunt from satisfaction.

“Such a pretty mouth.” He said while thrusting his cock in and out of my mouth, placing one of his hands on the bed for support and the other one on top of my head; facilitating his movements. He kept thrusting in that position for a while letting out cries of pleasure. And between thrusts, he would force his entire member into my mouth making me choke and gasp for air; letting it sit there for a few seconds and then taking it out.

“You take it so well, fuck. I love seeing my cock between your pretty lips.” He said in a hoarse tone while his thrusts became more harsh and rapid; moans and deep grunts falling out of his mouth with every thrust. I could see he was getting closer to his climax. And as expected, with a last violent thrust, he came into my mouth; growling out a curse word. After a few seconds of staying in that position, he quickly took his member out; grabbing my chin between his fingers.

“Swallow.” He said, still panting from the orgasm he just had.

I swallowed his warm liquid and cleaned my mouth with the back of my hand, still panting and coughing from the harsh actions my mouth had to take in.

“Good doll.” He said, placing a soft kiss on my forehead and then continuing to my lips with a slow and sensual one; wanting to taste every inch of my abused mouth. I moaned and rubbed my hips against him, letting him know I was in need of his assistance.

“Hands on the back of the bed.” He said in a demanding tone as he moved to the side so I could change positions.

But my eyes became glued to his figure, as he took off the rest of the clothing he had left on; mesmerized by how beautiful and toned his body was; his thick thighs standing out the most. My eyes also began exploring the unexpected sleeve tattoo he had on his right arm, making me curious of the meaning behind each one of his tattoos. And seeing how his large black wings moved in tune with his body, complementing it and made me want to touch him... so I did. I stood up on my knees and got closer to him, my fingers going up to his arms; tracing delicately each noticeable vein on his arm. I noticed his body had tensed up and his breathing’s pace had become a bit agitated. When I looked up to see his face, he had closed his eyes; his brows were furrowed and his lips were slightly separated... as if he wasn’t used to being touched this way. So I continued with my movements, going up from his arms to his chest; leaving soft kisses between caresses... continuing with his abs... and slowly lowering to-

I immediately felt his hand grab my arm, making me gasp. “Babydoll... as much as I want you to keep touching me... I really, really need to fuck you right now. So please... do as I say.” He said, his breathing still agitated and his eyes still filled with hunger.

I nodded at his words, almost moaning as I felt my core throb with pain from wanting to be used so desperately.

He let go of my arm and I proceeded to place my hands on the back of the bed; now looking at the opposite way. As I was getting into position, I could hear him moan and touch himself while he looked at my body getting all ready for me.

“I don’t even have to touch to know your soaking wet... I can see your cunt dripping from here; such a dirty doll. You really enjoyed seeing me become a mess for you, didn’t you?” He said, panting and quickening his hands movements around his member.

I whimpered, feeling frustrated from not being able to watch him touch himself.

“I want you to answer me. Did you enjoy seeing me all vulnerable just for you, my doll?” He said in a more demanding tone.

“Y-yes.” I said, letting out a cry of frustration.

“Good... now watch as I also make you become a moaning mess just for me.”

As soon as he said those words, I felt him thrust his member inside of me without warning, causing me to let out a loud gasp and my eyes water from the piercing pain mixed with pleasure.

“Fuck!” He growled. “You feel so fucking good around my cock.” He said as he forcefully slammed into me again, letting out a moan.

“J-jungkook, please w-wait.” I said whimpering, as tears began falling from my eyes.

“Shit.” He cursed, remembering it was your first time and he was supposed to be gentle; he knew this since the first day he had laid his eyes on you; he could sense your pureness. And still, he failed to control his urges. But it was you after all, and you made it difficult for him.

“Babydoll I c-can't stop.” He whimpered as he continued with his harsh thrusts, quickening his pace.

My hands left the back of the bed to grab the bed sheets; trying to comfort myself. I knew there was no other option than to wait it out. But after a minute or two, pleasure overshadowed the pain and I found myself moaning with each thrust.

Suddenly, I felt him grab my neck pushing my back towards him; his hands staying at my neck.

“You look so pretty like this.” He grunted as his thrusts went even faster and harder than before, making the slap of our skins the only hearable sound in the room.

“You like my cock inside of you, hm?” He asked as he moved the hand that rested on my hips to my breast, grabbing it and giving it a harsh squeeze. I moaned, feeling my core getting closer to its peak.

I then felt his mouth on my neck licking and sucking every area, leaving bites that would for sure become bruises the next day.

“J-jungkook.” I moaned.

“You going to cum, babydoll?”

I nodded, not being able to talk anymore from the overbearing feeling.

“Then let me hear you moan out my name.” He said, moving the hand that grabbed my breast to my clit, rubbing it rapidly as he kept on going with his thrusts.

I whimpered as he kept stroking my clit.

He let out a deep growl. “You better fucking scream my name when you cum.” He said in a low demanding tone close to my ear. His words were quick to send me to the edge, making me reach my climax. My whole body began shaking from the pure pleasure that spread through it, causing me to scream out his name without caring if somebody heard us. He never stopped his thrusts nor touching my clit, enjoying the way my body kept on spasming from the overstimulation. I whimpered trying to stop his hand from continuing his movements on my sensitive clit. But he ignored me and continued, causing me to have another orgasm. Suddenly, he gave a last violent thrust and took his member out without warning, causing me to let out a whimper from the loss of contact.

“Turn over.” He demanded as he stroked his wet member at a fast pace, still panting uncontrollably.

As soon as I laid my back on the bed, now facing him, he placed his member close to my breasts.

“Push them together.” He said looking at my breasts; his face expressing pain and need of release.

I proceeded to push my breasts together, licking my lips in the process making him moan from the beautiful sight his eyes encountered. After he gave himself a last few strokes, he came all over my breasts letting out a loud deep growl accompanied by his wings opening themselves up completely indicating pure pleasure and relief. After a few seconds, he had calmed down from his climax; his breathing now more controlled.

“I've wanted to cum on your tits since I saw you in that dress... finally my wish has been fulfilled.” He chuckled as his hand rubbed the spilled cum on my breasts; spreading it all over my chest area.

As I looked him in the eyes I realized his dark brown eyes had returned; he was himself again. Before moving away, he placed a soft kiss on my forehead and proceeded to sit on the left edge of the bed; giving me a good view of his large black wings.

“Jungkook...?” I asked.

“Yes, princess.”

“Can I touch your wings?”

He chuckled. “You can touch me whenever and wherever you want...you don’t have to ask. I’m yours, remember?”

I smiled, my cheeks turning rose.

“Yay!” I exclaimed, quickly sitting behind him, making him chuckle again.

As my fingers came in contact with his wings, I felt him tense up again.

“Jungkook, are you ok?”I asked, stopping my movements. “If you don’t want me to touch you-“

“That’s not it at all. I want you to touch me.”

“Then why do you tense up every time I touch you?”

“Because... intimacy feels different when it’s done with someone whom you deeply love.”

“O-oh.” I said in a barely hearable voice, feeling butterflies fill my stomach.

“So please, don’t feel restrained when I react in such a way. I just enjoy your touch very much.”

“I won’t now.” I said with a big smile on my face as I continued to touch his wings, tracing every curve and feather; feeling its warmth and softness under my skin.

“Jungkook...?” I asked after a period of silence.

“Yes, princess?”

“I love you.”

He quickly turned to face me, surprised by my sudden words.

“I really do... even if its too soon to say that. All of my life I've been praying for someone like you to come into my life. And the way you make me feel when you are close to me... the overwhelming euphoria... makes me know without a doubt that you are truly the one. I just... I just hope this isn’t a dream.” I said as I felt my eyes water from recalling the past.

“It's not a dream, my love. It's real. And I'm here to stay. The only thing that you should be worrying about is that now that I've made you completely mine... you won't be able to escape from me now.” He said with a cheeky grin that made me fall in love with him even more. I giggled.

“You are so beautiful.” He said as he caressed my cheek.

“So are you.” I responded.

He chuckled timidly, looking away for a second.

As he kept looking at me, his smile slowly faded and his eyes fell on my lips. I felt his hand move from my cheek to the back of my neck, pushing me closer to him until our lips collided. As we kissed, I felt his tongue ask for entrance so I gave him access to explore my mouth. And as he did, a moan made its way up causing him to moan in response. His hands pushed me back on the bed, quickly hovering over me never separating from my lips. As his mouth kept devouring mine, I felt him grind his hard member against me. I opened my eyes pushing him away slightly. He grunted in response.

“What is it?” He said in an impatient tone, making me realize his eyes had turned ruby red again.

“N-nothing, just surprised.” I said nervously.

He chuckled. “What, babydoll? I'm a demon, remember? We have more endurance in bed... and when it comes to you, my thirst is boundless. So no matter how many times I cum... my body would still be left begging for more of you. Understand that, my doll?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Y-y-yes.” I gulped.

He smirked. “Good.”

“Welcome to hell, princess.” He added, giving me a wink.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

HAVE A NICE DAY! And thank you for reading till the end <3

[cherryrogers]

Falling For You.

— Chapter 12

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

(Modern High School AU)

Warnings: lowkey angst?? mostly fluff.

Synopsis: Unlike most teenagers, you had your life completely mapped out. You’d graduate high school, go off to the university of your dreams, and live the life that your parents always wanted you to. That was always the plan. Falling for Bucky Barnes, however, was never part of the plan.

A/N: it’s been a month since i’ve updated this omf, i’m sorry i’m the slowest writer ever🤧 we are gradually coming to an end w this fic guys,,, i think there’ll be maybe 3 or 4 more and their story will more or less be complete :) thank you to everyone that has been reading this fic so far!!💓

Series Masterlist

It wasn’t long before the university application deadline came around. When you were younger, you’d pictured yourself applying in junior year and having a complete map out of which college you’d go to, what you’d major in, all the extra-curricular you’d take part in - you were sure that you were ready for college. Completely sure.

But since then, things had changed drastically.

Your ‘no dating until college graduation’ rule had gone straight out of the window, your parents were planning to disown you if you didn’t follow the life plan they made for you, and while you wanted to remain in New York and let your parents cut you off if that’s really what they wanted, you just weren’t sure that you’d be okay if they did.

Because they were your parents. Maybe they had it all wrong, and maybe they were being completely unreasonable. But they weren’t doing it to be mean or spiteful; they wanted you to succeed. They didn’t want to see you fail, failing was never going to be an option for you in their eyes.

You felt terrible, in all honesty. You felt terrible when your mother hung up on you and you let yourself cry it out as soon as you got home. You felt terrible for telling Bucky that everything was fine with your parents, not wanting to tell him the truth because you could barely accept it yourself.

And you felt terrible when you sent your application off on the day of the application deadline to not only Colombia, but Harvard too.

Three days later and it was still consuming your every thought. You had a while before you found out if you were even accepted, but there was still a chance that you could possibly be leaving to be a student at Harvard in the upcoming month of September. A chance that you could be leaving your friends, Brooklyn, Bucky.

He needed to know that you were considering it, he deserved at least that. Perhaps he’d hate you for it, for giving in to your parents’ desires of having you live a life you didn’t necessarily want to live.

Soon, you’d tell him soon. Not when you were in the school cafeteria, watching as the boy paced over to your table where you were sat with Wanda, a slight bounce in his step. Well, at least someone was having a good day.

It wasn’t often you even saw Bucky during lunch; he usually hung around the bleachers outside with Steve and Sam, eating a Snickers bar with a bottle of Pepsi and calling it an adequate meal.

Wanda was too occupied with her phone to notice Bucky striding over the table, but didn’t miss how close the boy sat next to you.

“Hey, Buck. What-”

Before you could even ask why he wasn’t with his usual group of friends, he’d already opened his backpack and pulled out a sheet of paper, placing it in front of you on the table.

You crinkled your brows for a moment, skimming your eyes over the paper, noticing that it was the chemistry test you’d taken before Christmas. Bucky hadn’t passed it originally, so Mr. Pym had offered him to retake it once the new term started.

At the top of the page, C+ was scribbled in red pen.

“I passed a chemistry test!” Bucky stated proudly. “A C fucking plus, sweets. I didn’t think it was even possible.”

His joy was infectious; you couldn’t help your own smile forming on your lips. “Of course it was possible, you don’t give yourself enough credit, Bucky. Plus, you had a pretty awesome tutor.”

“Hm, I guess I did.” He smirked, leaning over to press a gentle kiss to your cheek.

“Oh... my god.” Wanda almost choked, eyes darting between you and Bucky. “Did I just- did you just- you guys are-”

You ignored the heat rushing to your cheeks as you turned to your friend. “Yes, Wanda, we’re... together.”

Her blue eyes wide, she remained speechless for a second or two, While she was your best friend, you had been hesitant to let her know about your new relationship with Bucky, considering Pietro still hadn’t spoken to you since New Years.

However, a weight suddenly lifted from your shoulders as a warm grin spread across her lips. “I just... I can’t believe it finally happened. Obviously, it was bound to happen eventually, but at the rate you two were going, I thought it would be when you were grey and old...”

You scoffed, though you couldn’t exactly tell her she was being ridiculous, because if you had a dollar for every time you told Wanda that you and Bucky were never going to happen... well, you could probably buy the house back before you parents sold it off in the summer.

And now that issue was back in your head. Not to be dramatic, but it would be really fucking nice if the universe could let you catch a break, just for a moment. First, it was your parents, then it was your feelings for Bucky, then it was school, and your current problem involved all damn three of them.

“This can’t become a regular thing, by the way.” The girl pointed at the two of you sitting opposite her. “Vis is using lunch hours to tutor some kids in his classes, and I can’t look like a third wheel every day.”

“Wanda, I’ve been third-wheeling you and Vis for the past two years.” You chuckled, pushing college out of your mind for the time being.

“Well, where’s Pietro? He usually...” Her words trailed off as she realized a little too late what she was saying.

You shook your head, however, plastering a tight smile on your lips. “He still won’t talk to me.”

“He will, I know he will.” Wanda gave you a sympathetic smile, before flicking her eyes over to Bucky hesitantly. “I don’t know how he’ll feel about you two, though.”

Speaking of...

Your eyes were drawn to a figure standing not so far from your lunch table, signature white hoodie fitting his muscular form snugly, hands clasping the straps of his bag tight enough to make his knuckles go white. Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Pietro Maximoff clearly wasn’t listening to a word Clint was uttering to him as his bright eyes trained on you, and Bucky’s arm which had snaked around your waist. He didn’t miss how the boy’s eyes gleamed when he looked at you, how his side was pressed right against yours, how you leaned into him so comfortably. Nobody had to tell him that you and Bucky were no longer just friends; it was pretty obvious to him.

When you caught his gaze for only a short moment, he snatched it away, motioning for Clint to follow him out of the lunch hall.

Both Wanda and Bucky followed your eyes to Pietro, feeling the guilt practically seeping from your skin.

“Well,” You sighed, mouth curling into a small frown. “I guess we do now.”

You hated feeling like this. Like you were causing problems left and right. Pietro was mad at you still, your parents were mad, Bucky would probably be mad once you told him about applying to Harvard; all you wanted to do was the right thing and make everyone else happy, yet every choice you could make regarding your future would end in someone being upset at you.

That was exactly what you were afraid of. That’s why you ignored your feelings for Bucky for so long, because you knew you’d inevitably hurt him. It was the last thing you wanted to do; you don’t think you’d ever forgive yourself for being the cause of a deep frown on his lips. But everything was just so confusing, and it was happening so fast that you didn’t have time to simply breathe.

Wanda must’ve noticed you getting lost in your head, as she gently knocked her foot against yours under the table and called your name to bring you back to reality. “Please don’t worry about my brother. He’ll talk to you when he’s ready, I promise.”

You forced a smile, wishing that you hadn’t had several other things on your plate to deal with as well as amending your friendship with Pietro. Wasn’t senior year supposed to be the year? Maybe watching too many corny high school movies when you were younger shaped your perception of senior year a lot different to how it was in reality, but it was your final year of high school. Wasn’t it supposed to be a year you’d cherish in the future?

In some ways, it was. It was the year you fought the urge to push Bucky away and let yourself give into him. He became more than just your best friend and you couldn’t be happier with that. But now, it seemed like that moment was the peak of the mountain, and everything else was just going down from there.

* * *

Winifred Barnes was practically the mother you never had.

The sweet scent of rich chocolate filled your nose as soon as you stepped through the front door of the Barnes residence. His house was considerably smaller than yours, but the homely, warm feeling of the place alone proved it to be more valuable than the house you lived in alone would ever be. It was a true family home, built for a loving family like the Barnes’ - one you couldn’t help but envy.

The small number of times you’d met her, she’d never failed to make you feel at home. A pastel blue apron always wrapped around her frame, in the midst of baking something that was bound to be delicious. Nothing like your own mother, and it was frankly mad to you that parents could be so... caring. When you first met the woman and she enveloped you into a tight hug, it almost brought tears to your eyes. As sad as it was, you couldn’t remember the last time your parents even touched you.

You didn’t often go to Bucky’s house. The two of you almost always hung out at yours since there almost never anyone home. Well, except for the one unfortunate time he encountered your mother - you tried to keep that memory as far back in your mind as possible.

Stepping into the cozy kitchen, you couldn’t help but smile as you saw Winifred stood at the counter, brows crinkled, tongue caught between her teeth as she carefully applied white icing to the freshly baked chocolate cake in front of her. Bucky could tell at school that you’d been thrown off by your conversation Wanda at lunch. Whether you were only upset about Pietro or if there was something else going on, the boy knew that his mother had a way of drawing a smile out of anyone. So when he invited you to go round to his after school, you couldn’t help but feel a little excited.

As soon as her kind eyes fell on you, the woman abandoned her cake, pacing straight past her own son and coming to throw her arms around you, nearly knocking you off your feet. “(Y/N), darlin’, it’s been too long!”

Her slim hands placed themselves gently on the sides of your face. “Oh my, you just keep gettin’ more beautiful with each time I see you.”

Your face grew hot, and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes, hearing Bucky chuckling as he kicked off his shoes at the front door. “It’s good to see you too, Mrs. Barnes.”

She waved you off, finally letting you go as she turned to tend to her cake again. “Always so formal, one of these days you’ll just call me Winnie.”

Letting out a laugh, you sat down on a wooden stool at the counter opposite her. “So, how are you, honey? How’re your parents?”

Winifred knew your parents were barely ever around, though she wasn’t aware of everything that’d happened recently. You internally thanked Bucky for keeping it to himself, because if his mother found out, she’d probably never let you go back home again. She worried about you as if you were her own, and if your own mother wasn’t going to do that for you, at least Bucky’s could.

“We’re doing okay.” You answered vaguely, considering neither you or your parents were remotely okay. “How about you? How’re you and Mr. Barnes?”

She tutted at the formality, still working on the last bit of icing on the cake. “We’re good; George can’t wait for our boy to finally get outta school. When James can work full-time at the shop, it’ll really help him out.”

You nodded fondly, thinking about Bucky working properly at the auto-shop. Working in an undershirt and his classic black jeans, sweat glistening above his brow, jaw locked as he narrowed his eyes in concentration... his mother was right in front of you, stop.

“And you,” She pointed towards you, icing bag in hand. “I’m assuming you’re off to college after graduation? James says you’re super smart, always have been.”

It���s like the universe was taunting you, having someone bring up the topic of college at every opportunity. However, before you could begin to struggle to come up with an answer, Bucky came striding back into the kitchen, eyes set on the now-competed cake.

His mother was quick to shoot him a warning look. “Don’t even think about it, son. You can have a slice after dinner.”

“But Ma,” He groaned, plopping down on the seat next to you. Suddenly, his eyes lit up. “You know, I got a C plus on my chemistry test. Doesn’t that deserve a slice now?”

“He did work really hard for it, Mrs. Barnes.” You nudged the boy’s elbow with yours.

Winifred looked between her son’s pleading expression and your hopeful grin and eventually sighed. “One slice, alright? And cut your girl a slice too, James.”

The dark-haired woman turned around, beginning to put away the ingredients scattering the counters, before excusing herself to get some washing up liquid from the closet in the hall. You looked up at Bucky, who was busy cutting two slices out of the chocolate sponge.

“Did you tell her that I’m your girl?” You asked quietly, pretending that words didn’t erupt butterflies in your stomach.

Bucky smirked as he handed you a dessert fork, along with a small china plate with a piece of cake on it. “Honestly, I think she thinks we’ve been dating this whole time.”

You paused your movements, the cake on the edge of your fork just hitting your lips. “And you didn’t think to tell her that we weren’t?”

“I tried to, I swear. She was convinced I was lying, though.” He spoke amusedly. “The first time you came over, she said ‘James, you’ve got yourself a real lovely girl’, then I told her we were only friends, and she laughed in my face.”

Well, that was understandable, since anyone you’d ever told that you and Bucky were just friends had the exact same reaction.

Slowly, his expression fell, an unsure look in his blue eyes. “Uh, do your... do your parents know about us?”

The mention of your parents made your eyes snap up to his. It was a reasonable question. Though your relationship with your parents was... rocky at the moment, shouldn’t they know that you’d gotten into your first relationship? There was a part of you that wanted them to know, because they were your parents, for crying out loud, you should’ve been able to tell them things like that. However, you were already on thin ice with them over your future, and if they knew you were balancing a relationship along with college? They’d have your head on a stick for certain.

Shaking your head, you poked at your slice of cake with your fork. “I don’t know how they’d react, Buck. In an ideal world, they’d want to get to know you and... and they’d treat you the way that your parents treat me.”

“But they won’t?” Bucky shot you a sad smile.

“They’d sooner come back to Brooklyn and lock my ass in my room until I turn thirty.” You let out a laugh, though there wasn’t much humour in your voice.

Bucky didn’t laugh, however. He’d always known your parents were... the way that they were. Strict, stubborn, even selfish. But he felt terrible, because it hadn’t truly occurred to him until now how distant they actually were. The boy talked to his parents every day. When he got home from school, his mother already had dinner in the oven, and was asking about his day as she laid out the dinner table to eat along with his father, as a family. Bucky was sure there wasn’t a day when you didn’t come up in a conversation with his mom, and she didn’t mind in the slightest when he’d fondly ramble about how smart you were or how you’d ridden on his bike with him again despite claiming to hate it so much.

But here you were, nervous to even consider telling your own parents about him because you’re certain that they won’t support you. It hurt Bucky to even think about his parents being that way, and it possibly hurt him more that it was your reality.

It wasn’t hard to notice the sympathy washing over his features, so you sighed and grabbed one of his hands. “Please don’t feel bad, Buck. It’s just how they are, and I’ve gotten pretty used to it.”

“You deserve more, though.”

The words made your heart stop momentarily. “You think?”

Bucky smiled softly, playing with your hand that was in his grasp. “Sweets, you’re like... the best fuckin’ person I’ve ever known. You deserve, well, the best.”

Though the boy didn’t necessarily have a way with words, you couldn’t help but try to bite back wide grin. You’d never known any other way of how parents should be growing up, only the way that your parents acted. If the universe thought you deserved better, then you thought it’d make your parents nicer, less bitter. But maybe instead of changing your parents, the universe gave you Bucky.

Without a second thought, you leaned forward and pressed your lips to his, intertwining his and your fingers together. Bucky reacted immediately, kissing you back with slight immediacy, and the same sense of warmth washed over you as it did every time he kissed you. Suddenly, the fact you were sat in his mother’s kitchen was forgotten, as he ran his tongue along your bottom lip-

“Goodness, I’m gone for less than five minutes and you’re already lockin’ lips.” Winifred shook her head in fake disappointment, causing the two of you to pull back, Bucky’s cheeks flushing instantly.

“Sorry, Ma.” He apologized sheepishly, giving your hand a squeeze as you chuckled lightly.

His mother didn’t need an apology, however. Her son being happy was something she’d never want an apology for.

Winifred had seen it initially over two years ago, when Bucky introduced her to his first ever girlfriend, Natasha. She’d liked the redhead, though, was it even possible for anyone to not like her? Natasha was gorgeous, obviously. Clever, outgoing, could make anyone laugh within minutes of her meeting them. Bucky was clearly happy with her after first getting into the relationship, and for a while, Winifred thought that she was it for her son. That was until she’d be downstairs in the living room, and the woman could hear Bucky on the phone, arguing with the girl over who knows what. Natasha began coming over less and less, and when his mother would ask him about it, Bucky would only shrug and head up to his room for the night.

When it came to them breaking up, Winifred worries for Bucky. While she was glad he’d gotten out of what was becoming an unhealthy relationship, she wasn’t blind to the toll it’d taken on him. Natasha was his first girlfriend, perhaps even his first love - the break up was going to hit him hard, which it did, and she was concerned that he’d shut himself off to anything in the future because of what happened with her.

She wasn’t going to compare you to Natasha; you were both wonderful in your own ways, and she still cared for the girl entirely despite her son being heartbroken for a little while. But after meeting you and observing how you interacted with Bucky, she just knew that you’d be sticking with him for the long run. There was no way that you could make him smile so adoringly and genuinely and not want to make him that happy for maybe the rest of your life.

Once you’d finished your cake, you thanked Winifred and offered to do the rest of the washing up in return, but judging by the longing in her son’s eyes for you two to have some alone time, the woman dismissed your offer, shaking her head as Bucky clasped your hand and began tugging you up to his bedroom.

“No funny business, you two! You hear me?” She called from the kitchen, causing Bucky to reply with a ‘course not, Ma’ and an eye roll.

Bucky’s bedroom was rather different to yours. For one, he didn’t have revision covering every inch of his walls. But it was also a lot neater, more organized. Not like a stereotypical teenage boy’ room at all. It brought you a sense of calmness in a way. When there are too many things going on at once, everything just gets foggy. The simplicity of his cream painted walls and dark brown furniture caused your lips to curl up slightly.

What caught your eye though, was the corkboard placed on the wall above his set of drawers. While it wasn’t that big, it managed to fit a pretty large collection of messily pinned photos. Some of them were recent; one of him and Natasha all dressed up before heading of to the Winter Formal, one of Sam and him wearing thick black sunglasses, posing dramatically on his then-new motorcycle, even one of him photobombing what was meant to be a cute couples photo of Steve and Peggy.

And when your eyes raked over the photographs from the summer before the start of senior year, you felt your heart clench, because the majority of them included you.

You and Bucky in the photo booth before going on every single ride at Coney Island. You and Bucky attempting to replicate one Winifred’s specialty muffin recipes in your kitchen, though failing miserably. You and Sam posing outside of the Empire Hotel when you spent the day roaming Manhattan, laughing at Bucky taking the picture as he couldn’t understand why the hotel was so important, which lead to Sam claiming that Bucky was uncultured for never watching an episode of Gossip Girl in his life.

Come to think of it, he shared an eerily strong resemblance with Carter Baizen, who you admittedly did have a bit of a crush on.

Your eyes lingered on one photo in particular, however. This one wasn’t from the summer, but from the night of your junior prom. The set up of the school gym was similar to that of the Winter Formal, but with warmer tones of lighting and decor. Wanda had yet again came through and applied your makeup to perfection, gold glitter shimmering in the light on your eyelids, contrasting to your dark lashes. Highlight glimmering on your cheekbones, your skin looking almost airbrushed. The makeup coordinated with your dress, a long, golden gown that accentuated your figure beautifully.

In the photograph, you’re looking straight ahead at the camera, smiling as if you’d never been happier. And Bucky, as cheesy as it was, only had his eyes on you. You remember the photo being taken, you remembered getting goosebumps as Bucky’s arm wrapped around your waist. But you’d never seen it, not until now.

“That’s my favourite one.” The boy suddenly spoke, eyeing the photo you’d been staring at. “Other than the one of Steve at Coney Island just before he threw up, obviously.”

“Right, obviously,” You responded, a soft smile gracing your lips. “I didn’t realize that you were looking at me, you know, when that photo was taken.”

Bucky laughed lightly, cheeks tinting pink. “I mean, I was lookin’ at you the whole night. How could I not when you looked so... wow.”

It was still a weird thought to you, that after all of this time, Bucky still had feelings for you. You thought they were long gone, fading after you stupidly rejected him last year.

He could tell something was on your mind. “What is it, sweets?”

Your eyes flickered up to his. “Just... thank you.”

“Uh, you’re welcome? For what exactly?” Bucky furrowed his brows, making you chuckle.

“For, I don’t know... staying with me. You still wanted to be my friend last year, and you still want to be with me now. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you have a bit of a crush on me.”

Scoffing, the boy elbowed your arm gently. “Christ, I thought we were havin’ a moment there.”

“Sorry, couldn’t resist.” You shrugged, smirking as you slowly wrapped your arms around his middle, your sight falling back to the prom photo that made you heart melt. “Seriously though, I...” Love you. “I’m glad I have you.”

You hoped he couldn’t feel your heart pounding against your ribs as he ran a hand through your hair, pressing a lingering kiss to the crown of your head. “Good, cause I think you’re gonna be stuck with me for a while.”

Though his tone was laced with humour, you still exhaled contently, speaking quietly against his chest. “That’s alright, Buck. More than alright.”

You wondered if he’d still be saying that if he knew you’d applied to Harvard, if he knew there was a chance of you willingly leaving him next year. He needed to know, he deserved that honesty from you. But... you loved him. You loved him and that was stopping you from telling the truth, because you didn’t want to be the one to hurt him.

Your mind was taken back to when you met Bucky at Carter’s. When he admitted his feelings for you, when you denied yours for him.

“We’re both just gonna get hurt in the end, and I care about you too much to do that to you.”

That was the reason you gave for not wanting to be with him, yet here you were, arms around his waist and your head against his chest because you could do that now; because you were with him. But maybe you should’ve listened to yourself back then, because looking forward, you couldn’t picture an ending to your final year of high school where everything was going to work out.

Perhaps it was selfish to let him get so close to you. You’d grown up with parents hadn’t ever uttered the word love around you, with ‘friends’ in middle school that didn’t know you well enough to say it in a friendly way. Wanda has said it to you a number of times, but the way she said it to Vis was different, unmatched. How could you claim to love Bucky when you didn’t even know what love was? What if you didn’t know how to love someone?

By loving him, you were only hurting him. He’d had his heart broken before, how could you possibly let him go through that a second time? If you left Brooklyn, you’d be breaking his heart all over again. If you stayed, the burden of your parent's disappointment would be weighing too heavy on your shoulders to even try to love him how he deserved.

You were right, and you wished you known it then how right you were; the two of you were only going to get hurt in the end. Maybe now, your only choice now was to enjoy what you had while it lasted.

* * *

Taglist:

@americas-ass-assins @itz-kira @broco8 @bxrnsfeyson @peterparkerbabyyy @stevieboyharrington @lovvliies @irespostthingsiwanttoseelater

[bucky-at-bedtime]

Right Under My Nose | 6

An Awkward Arrival 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Background Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff)

Summary: When you lie to your mum about having a date to your brother’s wedding, things spiral swiftly and ridiculously. Suddenly, your thrust into fake-dating your best friend, and everything begins to change.

Warnings: fluff, cliches, it’s still a little angsty lmao

A/n: soz that it’s been a month, soz that this chapter isn’t my best, I hope you love it anyway! I’ve had a part of this written since the day I planned this fic so I hope it’s as good as I thought it was 

Chapter 5| Series Masterlist | Full Masterlist

The resort is buzzing with anticipation and excitement – guests from far and wide have been waiting to see Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff tie the knot, and today was finally the day.

The sun hangs low in the sky when a gentle alarm fills their room, and Nat hums quietly before rolling over towards Steve. She throws a leg over his, stretches her arm across his chest so her fingers rest delicately on his bare collarbone and sighs happily.

“Where were you last night?” she mumbles groggily, gently tracing her fingers across the soft skin. “You didn’t get into bed until like 1am.”

“Damage control,” Steve grumbles, eyes still closed, “my sister and Barnes.”

Nat’s eyebrows scrunch together, “what happened? Last I heard she was going to tell him.”

Steve sighs, pries his eyes open and looks down at his fiancée, worry clear in his eyes. “She’s thinking about moving to San Francisco.”

“What?” Nat’s fingers stopped in their tracks, eyes wide as she looked up at Steve. That can’t be possible – she would know if her best friend was planning on leaving the city. “She wants to leave New York?”

“She was upset.” Steve shrugs, rough fingers finding their way to slender ones and twisting them together on his chest. “Said somethin’ about ‘needing space’ – already had a job lined up.”

Nat shook her head slightly, frown still evident on her face. “A job? Why wouldn’t she tell us?”

“Well, I don’t think she was gonna go,” Steve’s voice is calm as he explains, but Nat’s watching his face and she knows when he’s upset. He hides it well. Sure, Nat would be upset if you left, but Steve would be devastated. “it’s not a huge promotion or anything, just an... escape, I guess.”

Nat untangles herself from Steve, sits up and reaches down beside the bed for a hoodie. Her face hardens, and Steve watches as she turns completely serious – investigation mode, she’s on a mission to fix this now. “What made her upset?”

“She heard Buck tellin’ me that he doesn’t like her,” Steve mumbles with a sigh, rubbing his face and leaning up on his elbows. “He said he just ‘got caught up’ in the act. He’s in denial and I don’t know how to get him to admit it.”

Nat was away from Steve in an instant, up and out of the bed, pulling on some sweatpants with a determination in her steely eyes. Steve groaned as if he didn’t already know this was going to happen.

“What’re you doing, Nat? We’re getting married in less than 6 hours.”

“And kicking some sense into Barnes will only take 5 minutes,” she huffed, words muffled through the hoodie she was already pulling over her head.

“Please don’t beat up my best man.”

“I won’t.” she leans down and pulls on some sneakers before adding, “Physically.”

“Great.” Steve chuckles lightly, falls back onto the bed and stares up at the ceiling. “I’ll see you later, y’know for that thing we have on today? No big deal.”

Before the door could close, she stepped back into the room and raced towards the bed, jumping right on top of Steve. He let out a quiet grunt, but then her hands were on his face and her lips were on his and he was filled with a certain giddiness that only came with the knowledge that you’re marrying the love of your life later. He smiled into the kiss.

When she pulls way, she’s grinning, and he knows she’s as excited as he is.

“I love you, Steven Romanoff.”

With that, she was out the door again, quick and graceful and stunning as always.

Steve was still grinning as he shouted after her, “It’s Romanoff-Rogers!”

-----------------------------------------

Bucky was dreaming again, except this time all he could see was you – right in front of him, repeatedly poking his face. Considerably less-sexy than his last dream featuring you.

He groaned, swatted at his face and you stepped back into a shadowy background.

The next thing Bucky new, he was shooting up out of the bed with a (frankly embarrassing) yelp, drenched in cold water and confronted with Nat’s smiling face.

She pressed her finger to her lips, shooshing Bucky and gesturing to you as he opened his mouth to question her.

“Come with me – we need to talk.”

“It’s 6am!” Bucky hissed, “and you’re getting married later! Why do you need to talk to me?”

“Come with me and you’ll find out.” Bucky was still staring blankly at her, pulling the damp material of his shirt away from his skin.

Nat hit him with a pillow. “Come on.”

“Okay, okay,” he surrendered, pulling off the sheets.

Bucky pulls on a hoodie and some sweatpants then walks with Nat through the resort. She stays silent and he tries to rub the remnants of sleep from his eyes. She lets out a frustrated huff every few steps and he tries to pretend he’s not terrified of the redhead.

Finally, she pulls him out onto a balcony – somewhere private, a few floors up, and Bucky begins to wonder if she’s gonna push him off the edge.

All of a sudden, she hisses out, “you’re an asshole.”

He gapes at her for a brief moment before collecting his thoughts. “Okay, I know you said this is important but if we’ve just come out here so you can insult me, I think it can wait.”

“It can’t wait!” she growls, “It’s been waiting for years – I can’t stand it anymore!”

“Oh, you mean me and-“ Bucky was beginning to catch on to what Natasha was talking about. “Did Steve tell you?”

“No. Steve didn’t tell me – it’s blatantly fucking obvious!” she throws her arms up in exasperation and Bucky almost flinches.

“Calm down, Nat, I-“

“She’s in love with you!”

Bucky’s heart might’ve actually done a flip in his chest. His eyes widen and he steps back as if he’d been punched. Nat’s staring at him expectantly and he doesn’t know what to say – his lips are dry and he briefly wonders if she’s lying to him but Nat doesn’t lie, not to her friends.

“w-“ he clears his throat, “what?”

“She loves you, you big dumb pain-in-my-ass, I shouldn’t be telling you that but seeing as you’re both completely hopeless – she loves you and she heard you telling Steve you don’t love her.”

If he felt like he was getting punched before, it now feels like a bullet punctured his heart and he’s bleeding out on the balcony. His mouth suddenly feels very dry. He wishes Nat would throw him off the edge.

“I– I do,” he mumbles, scratches his fingers through the stubble on his jaw and avoids eye contact with Nat, “I do love her.”

“Well, I know that!” Natasha runs her fingers through her hair violently, “we need her to know that!”

Bucky is still trying to process all of this when Nat steps closer to him, pokes him in the chest and says, more earnest than he might’ve ever seen her, “you need to fix this, Barnes.”

“I– I’ll talk to her when we get back, after the wedding, when everything is calm when I’m not–“

“She’s giving up,” Nat interrupts, her tone matter-of-fact and urgent.

“Giving up?” Bucky’s still stuttering over his words. “What does that mean?”

“It means she’s moving out of New York!”

Silence falls across the balcony, thick and dark and Bucky swears his breath is turning to ice in front of him.

“What?” it’s a whisper, a breath filled with fear and confusion, “Sh- she wouldn’t. She loves New York – Brooklyn is her home.”

“She got offered a job in San Francisco. She told Steve last night. Said she needed an escape.”

Bucky rests, almost falls, back against the railing, letting it hold his weight as he tries to pull his thoughts together – he’s just received so much new information, and his heart is beating a million miles an hour.

“Barnes, you need to fix this. Before the end of the day.”

He nods numbly at her, then pries open his dry lips to ask one more question. “how?”

---------------------------------------------

From the outside looking in, everything was normal. You and Bucky were a couple – smiling and touching and making appearances.

From the inside, everything was a little bit off.

Your eyes never quite met his, your touch never lingered like it used to, and you stepped out of his arms faster than before. He missed having you in his arms, missed your fingers on his waist, missed the way you used to look at him.

He wants to cry, wants to scream that he’s sorry and that he loves you. But he can’t yet, he has a plan.

So, he plays his part, holds your hand until you want to let go, stays by your side until you walk away.

Even when you’re beside him he feels like you’re 10 feet away, and more than anything he wants to close that gap.

Steve and Nat allow themselves to become fully engrossed in each other, in the big day. They let themselves forget your’s and Bucky’s issues for a while.

There’s one moment, when Steve see’s Bucky watching you, that he claps a hand on his best mate’s shoulder, a sympathetic look in his eye, one that Bucky perceives as disappointment.

“I’m gonna fix this Steve. I’ll fix this.”

“Yeah, Buck, I know.”

Despite the mild tension, the day passes quite pleasantly. Yours and Steve’s parents enjoy themselves, as do the other guests, and Nat and Steve end the day impossibly more in love.

“Buck, it’s time for the best man’s speech,” Nat whispers into Bucky’s ear, brushing past him to find her seat at the table. When she gets there she sends him a smile and a thumbs up. Good luck. Don’t fuck it up.

So, Bucky stands up. He clenches the paper in his hand, feels a rush of nervous heat spread over his cheeks and neck before awkwardly coughing into the microphone.

“Hi everyone, I’m Bucky, the best man.” It’s an awkward beginning, but with a nervous little smile, he continues, raising his glass to the still-silencing room.

“Those of you who know Steve will know me – you’re probably shocked that it’s not us getting married.” His joke lands and a quiet chuckle trickles through the room, a whoop of agreement from a scattered few (Tony, maybe, definitely Sam.)

“We’ve been inseparable since before we could walk which means this is probably gonna be a pretty long speech. Sorry.” He shrugs carelessly, already more relaxed. “In the last 28 years, We’ve given each other a lot of advice. Now, I like to think I’m pretty good at advice–“

He stops, turns to look at Steve and asks him “–do you remember what I told you when you were refusing to ask Nat out at that party?”

Steve leaned forward, cleared his throat with a chuckle “Something along the lines of ‘sack up and spit it out’?” Steve questions, loud enough for the crowd to hear.

They laughed at that, and you watch as Bucky tries to hold back a proud grin as he gestured between Steve and his bride. “See? Look at where that advice got you.”

Bucky turns back to the audience then, diving back into his speech. “I never thought Steve was good at advice. He suggested reckless endangerment and unnecessary rule-breaking far too often for me to listen to any of his advisory comments.”

Your mother lets out a chuckle, thinking back to all the troublemaking Steve had taken part in throughout High School and you can’t help but grin, knowing your brother would always be a little reckless at heart.

Bucky ran a hand through his hair, eyes searching the room until they landed on you.

“I have to admit, there were a few times when I should’ve listened. Like when we were 8,” behind him, a big photo of the two young boys appeared on a projector, drawing some ‘aww’s’ from the crowd. “It was the first time I was meeting Steve’s sister and he said something to me as we walked into the house.”

The picture changed. It was now the three of you laying flat on the grass in your backyard.

“He said ‘you should fall in love with her – maybe one day we can be actual brothers.’ At the time, I punched him in the shoulder and I did not take his advice.”

Bucky kept looking back at you, and even as your eyes began to water, you didn’t dare look away.

“The second time I should’ve listened was our senior prom – I didn’t know who to take and Steve, knowing (Y/n) didn’t have a date, told me to take her.” You both glance back at Steve at the same time, a smile on his lips and confusion in your eyes. “If I recall correctly, he told me that we would fall in love and in turn live out his life-long dream of becoming brothers”

Another laugh ran through the room.

“I didn’t listen that time either. I went to prom with a girl named Gemma and she ditched me for a guy named Brad and this is how I ended up spending prom night.”

He glanced back at the screen as a silent video played behind him – the two of you, 18 years old and giggling like children as you threw mnms into each other’s mouths.

A few coos are heard throughout the crowd, some laughter scattered through the room.

“Anyway – you’ve probably all seen me around, arm-in-arm with that beautiful girl.” Now, a picture of the two of you – a recent one, where you’re squeezing his waist and he’s making a face. You feel a tear slip down your face.

With a shake of his head, Bucky manages to pry his eyes off you and look back at Natasha and Steve, as if just remembering that there are other people in the room. “What I’m trying to say is that Steve doesn’t get a lot of things right, but when it comes to love, he really knows what he’s talkin’ about. Stevie, Nat; you guys have shown me what a genuinely wonderful nightmare relationships can be. I hope that one day I have even a fraction of what you guys do. Steve, You’ll always be my brother, no matter what, and unfortunately for you, Nat, that means you’re about to join the family.”

An applause swims through the room and Bucky bowed his head, mouthed the words ‘love you, guys,’ and then found his seat.

Your father stood up then, beginning his speech and the sudden silence of the crowd snapped you out of the trance Bucky’s speech had put you in. You hurriedly wiped the tears from under your eyes, glancing across at Bucky to see if he had noticed.

Your brain was swimming with thoughts – you and Bucky had fought, but you had to keep up this fake-dating charade until after the wedding. Maybe that’s what he wrote at the start of the week and hasn’t had time to re-write. Maybe that speech was just part of the lie.

Your heart beat loudly in your chest as you thought about the way he was looking at you.

Maybe it wasn’t.

“I need... I need some fresh air,” you mumbled, brushing your hand across your mother’s as you slipped out of your seat, heading for the closest terrace.

--------------------------------------------------

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[youngerdrgrey]

easy there, oedipus (or, how to get away with impregnating your law professor) [DRAFTS 2]

about: alternatively titled, how to get away with impregnating your law professor and secretly parenting your child; or moments from a fic unwritten, updated and revamped for a season that only feeds into my need for Annalise and Wes to fall into the abyss together. — takes place in season 3

a/n: Drafts from before the show hurt me w/ season three’s finale; shared in case anyone wanted more of the story -- here are some vignettes and headcanons about the story.

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.

Getting Away With… Annalise and Michaela bonding

At some point in the pregnancy, Annalise gets sick and Wes is there, every night, with her, feeding her, helping her, calling the doctor.

Asher says, “Mommy issues.”

Connor says, “Better him than us.”

.

Michaela brings soup and some magazines one night, but she feels dumb once she gets upstairs. Annalise takes pity on her and tells her to come in the damn room and sit down (Ms. Pratt).

Michaela sits, on the edge, with the soup still in her hands and the potholder in her lap. They sit in silence until Annalise tells her to talk.

“About what?”

“Anything. Except the next exam.”

So, Michaela talks about moving on from Aiden, and how Connor’s still fake going to NA, and how Laurel makes the best cheesecake, even if it’s pity food. How she wishes sometimes that she could’ve just loved someone like Wes because everyone is so lucky to have a guy like him around, and how she hopes that she gets to meet the baby (and she can totally do that even if Annalise doesn’t keep her around so it’s not, like she’s being presumptuous, she swears).

She keeps talking until Annalise drifts off, and Wes comes back and slips onto the edge of the bed like he belongs there. No hesitation. He doesn’t lie down, or get too close, but the ease in his shoulders the moment he sees Annalise -- Michaela leaves.

Leaves and bites on her tongue next time someone brings up Mommy issues.

.

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Getting Away With... Laurel’s Q&A

Later, when people know, Laurel asks what Wes got out of this — out of a kid that he can’t claim publicly and a woman who will never, ever be his.

He thinks of the way Annalise’s hands shook around the pregnancy test, the tears in her eyes, the unspoken plea for him to let her have this, the thank you on her lips and soon on his before he slid his lips from hers and hung his head so his forehead rested against hers and his breath landed against the tears on her cheek, and he said, “No one can ever know. Can they?”

“We’ll know,” she’d said, as if that was enough, as it no one else in the world even began to matter.

“Another one of our secrets.”

~ In the moment with Laurel, he says that no one’s ever looked prouder of him, no one as thankful and grateful and just happy that he existed. He says it might be messed up to keep a baby to make someone happy, but

Well, it worked.

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Getting Away With… telling everyone

Annalise calls all of them to attention from the bottom of the stairwell. It’s only been a few weeks since she found out, but the way her eyes meet Wes’ tell him everything he needs to know about what this team conversation is about.

Everyone shifts as she walks closer. She stops on the rug she bought to replace the one Sam got rolled up in.

“Now, normally, I wouldn’t bother telling you all something like this, but it will affect the way I work and therefore affect all of you as well.”

She unclasps her hands from where they’ve been hanging in front of her and places them both on her stomach. Wes can hear the squeak of a gasp that comes from Michaela and feels the shift in the couch as Laurel leans in closer.

“I’m pregnant,” Annalise says, “and I will do my best to keep everything the same around here. I’ll have more appointments, but you’ll have Bonnie whenever I can’t be here. Any questions?”

Her eyes scan their faces. Michaela’s jaw looks slightly unhinged. Laurel looks pensive. 

Asher narrows his eyes and asks, “Who’s the father?”

All eyes whip to him as Annalise bristles. 

“If I’d meant for you to know, I would’ve told you. Now, if you’ll excuse me…” She heads for her office.

The rest of the team wait for the doors to slide closed before throwing pillows and hissing, “Asher!”

“What, it’s an honest question!”

Connor ignores him, turning in his chair to face the other three of the group, especially Michaela. “Can you believe Mom’s replacing us?”

Michaela rolls her eyes. “God, Connor, don’t call her that.” He shrugs. She goes on, “And Annalise isn’t replacing anyone. A baby can’t practice law.”

“Ten bucks says that kid grows up just like us,” Connor says.

Wes imagines their kid will be different. He could see his kid as a toddler, tossing papers out of boxes on the floor and crawling inside to make his own little court room. Wes could play fake judge, or fake jury, if all the stuffed animals will let him join.

Michaela claps her hand in Connor’s, bringing Wes back to the moment.

“You’re on,” she says. “No one wants to be their parents.”

Asher scoffs. “Hey.”

“Sorry, no one interesting wants to be their parents.”

Asher glowers and corrects, “Parent. She’s totes going in solo since Nate’s gone MIA.”

“It’s not Nate’s,” Wes says. It gets quiet, and eyes snap to him -- three sets, equal parts guilty and worried. He clears his throat, schools his voice. “The timing’s off. She should’ve been showing a while ago if it was Nate’s.”

Asher shrugs. “She has been gaining weight. I didn’t want to say anything before, but—“

Everyone’s glaring at him. He stops. Laurel rolls her eyes.

“She’d probably tell us if we asked. We’ve known worse secrets.”

Connor scoffs. “She bit his head off ten seconds ago, Einstein.”

Laurel scoffs right back. “Not who, genius; when.”

Michaela nods. “You’re right. And we kind of deserve to know anyway since when she’s due will affect when classes are cancelled. If we have to take breaks in our case load, if—“

“She’s gonna be a raging bitch for finals.”

“Asher!”

He throws his hands in the air. “Legitimate question! Again!”

And he’s right, to some degree. Her emotions will be changing for sure. Her due date’s not right for finals though. It’ll be next school year actually, and Wes’ll be someone else’s student, and — everybody’s staring at him.

Wes fidgets. “What? Why’re you looking at me?”

“You’re the favorite,” Connor says.

“If anyone’s gonna ask…” Michaela tries to smile.

Laurel sighs. “We could all try, together, but studies show: you’re the one she trusts the most.”

Wes bounces in his seat before getting up and heading to the office. He knocks. Bonnie opens it, sees him, and sighs.

“It’s not a good time,” Bonnie says.

“I get that. I just have a question. We all do,” Wes says.

Bonnie glances at the others. “Stop conspiring and get back to work.”

The others look down. Wes rolls his shoulders.

“You gonna let me through?”

She does.

He gets to Annalise whose face looks like it does around one of her vomiting spells. Shit, is that why it’s not a good time? He should leave then, shouldn’t he? He already knows when she’s due, and he can just go tell them the answer without asking.

Only, he has a really good excuse to be in here, and he doesn’t get many of those, and there’s so much that he wants to say and ask, so he clears his throat.

Her eyes snap up — wide and alarmed — but they flatten out once she notices who it is.

“Mr. Gibbins.” A warning dressed like a greeting. Definitely not a good time. But she did just tell everyone she’s having his baby, so she doesn’t get to send him away just yet.

The door’s still cracked; Bonnie’s right there and is no doubt listening in since Annalise hasn’t dismissed her yet.

Wes gets closer, to the desk, staying on his side though. “You don’t look so good.”

“Thank you for the compliment.”

“I just meant — sorry, I —“ suck at this dad thing already. He frowns. “Do you need anything?”

“It would be nice if I could keep my lunch down, but I’m not getting picky.”

He almost groans. Of course Annalise would stand strong through morning sickness. She’ll stand strong through it all — the cravings, the swelling, the mood swings and near insatiable appetite for se—

“Wes?”

“Huh?”

“I asked, why are you in here?”

“Right. Sorry. Again.” He scratched the back of his head. “We all — well, they, not that I’m not also curious, but when is the baby due?”

Annalise looks confused a moment, then she tells him, “October 23rd.”

He shouldn’t feel pride at the sound of that. It’s a date — a bunch of letters and numbers. It’s not a baby. It’s not something to smile about. Yet, his cheeks burn just the same.

“Right before Halloween,” he says. “You’ll have to dress them up.”

“Them?” she repeats, eyes widening back.

He scrambles out. “Gender neutral pronoun, not saying you’re having twins.” Unless… “Are you?”

“I certainly hope not. I’ve already got my hands full with everyone out there. I don’t need two more lives to protect.”

He winds around a pen on her desk. He can’t look at her while he says, “You wouldn’t be alone.”

The air gets really still, like no one anywhere in the house wants to move or even begin to dissect the almost hesitantly wistful way he’d said that sentence.

“I figured.” Annalise shifts in her seat, and her voice comes out stronger, more assured and planned. “You don’t think I’m paying for a nanny when I’ve got capable interns, do you?”

A groan’s heard from the living room. Wes finds a way to breathe again, turns his next exhale into an almost laugh.

“Just make sure Michaela takes off her ring first.”

It’s not funny, but he laughs just the same. Annalise too.

(In the living room, Michaela pouts, and maybe this won’t have to be so hard. Maybe, somehow, they can make this work.”)

.

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Getting Away With... Financial Support

A week after Wes agrees to keep their secret, Annalise gives him some money. He starts freaking out, like “Why are you doing this?” and he low-key accuses her of trying to buy his silence.

Well, not low-key.

He’s like, “What — you don’t want me to tell anyone and now you’re giving me money? That’s not the way this works. I’m not gonna tell anyone like it hurts all of us.”

Annalise bristles. “How could you even think I would do something like that?” She knew that his loan still wasn’t going through. (She had Frank check.) She wanted to make sure that he got the chance to stick around. For all of them.

And it’s his turn to be like, “Oh.” Fuck. “Annalise—“

“Save it. Either take the money or don’t. Spare me your apologies. You can think the worst of me all you’d like.”

“It’s not— I’m sorry.” He stresses it. “No one outside of my family has ever helped me without wanting something in return.” He steps closer but not close enough to touch her. “I’m no good at saying thank you.”

She barely softens, but she does. “You better learn soon. I’m not really the type to sit on my hands.”

“Noted.”

She looks a moment longer, then goes back to her files. “You may go.”

He lingers, heads for the door, pauses. “Thank you.”

She grins (not that he looks to see). “You’re welcome.”

.

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Getting Away With... Mama Harkness’ Return

Mama Harkness watches him a moment too long. He shifts. She shakes her head.

“What’s so special about you?” He’s a bit confused. “Lord knows this wasn’t the only time Anna slept with someone she shouldn’t.”

He sputters. “I — ma’am, you—“

“You gon’ lie to me, boy?”

Beat. “No, ma’am.”

“Thought so. Now, I’m not telling nobody what I know. I just want you to know that I know it. And I’m watching you. You hear me?”

.

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Getting Away With... Names and Michaela Finding Out

Connor calling little man bible verses, like “316, how you been, buddy?”

Laurel calls him Matt.

Michaela calls him Matthew and tells him to grow into it and respect it because nicknames don’t do anything but allow us to hide from our full potential.

Wes calls him kid a lot.

.

At another time, when something’s wrong with the baby, they all rush to the hospital. Wes tries to get in the room, in full intense Dad mode, but Connor catches him by the shoulders. Says, “Easy there, Oedipus, you can’t go in there.”

Michaela snaps at Connor for being insensitive when they’re all worried. Connor slips up and mutters, “But it’s their baby so, ugh.”

Michaela repeats it, “Their baby.” Then again, as Connor’s, Laurel’s, and Wes’ eyes all go wide. She sputters, and everything just clicks. “My God.”

“Michaela—“

“He’s —”

Wes shakes his head. “I don’t have time for this.” Storms off to try and get into the room.

Michaela slaps Connor’s arm, hard as shit. “How long have you known?”

“A couple weeks—“

“WEEKS?”

“But I couldn’t tell you—“

“You tell me everything! You told me when you changed your toothpaste!”

“This wasn’t my secret to tell.”

She gets that, she really does, it just sucks finding out so late. Annalise is struggling to hold on, baby Matthew’s got heart problems, and — “Oh, God, Wes.” He must be a mess.

.

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Getting Away With... Keeping the Baby?

So, they reach a point where Annalise finds out that basically keeping the baby in longer could kill her. They’re at the hospital, and Wes is in the room when they hear the news. The doctors leave them alone to process, and Annalise is speechless.

Wes tries to find some words. He tells her that he — well, he doesn’t know what to do, or say. He’s finally maybe on the right track with Annalise towards something they can have and sustain, and now the baby’s really sick and Annalise could die?

He clears his throat and says, “I want to be here. I do. I just....”

And she gets him. Tells him, “Get some air. I’ll get some here.” 

He nods and he almost chokes on whatever it is inside of him. He says, “Five minutes. I’ll be back in five minutes.”

Then he rushes the fuck out of there.

.

Michaela and Connor come in together. They saw Wes run off, and Laurel went after Wes, but it’s Michaela and Connor who go in to see Annalise first.

Michaela can’t really form words right away.

Connor says, “Look, we really kinda need our jobs, and your house, and... you. You’re not like our mom or anything, but we need you too.”

Michaela squeaks in agreement, and then she says that if anyone could get through this, it would be Annalise. “Whatever you decide, we will stand by you. It’s what you’ve trained us to do.”

Annalise tells them to get it together or get out. They hug her. She tries not to cry.

.

Bonnie and Frank want her to let the baby go, but they also know she won’t, so they’re making plans and schedules on who will be monitoring her, and when and for how long. They immediately make plans and deals with nurses to reserve a bed in the NICU for the baby.

.

Wes literally goes outside and starts wailing on dumpsters and screaming. 

Laurel mentions that they should invest in soundproof rooms at hospitals for this purpose. She reminds him that he freaked out less when Sam died than now.

He tells her that this has to be karma. This is what happens when you kill a woman’s husband and then get her pregnant. “God laughs at you. He gives you everything you could have possibly imagined. He gives you the possibility of having a family, a real one that will support you and care for you and foster you into who you’re meant to be. And then just when it seems like maybe everything’s going to work out, He rips them away from you.”

Laurel says, “Wes, it’s not karma —“

“It is! I did this! I killed her.”

“You didn’t—“

His finger jams into his chest so hard that she fears he’s gonna break it. “I got her pregnant. I gave her this hope. And now she’s gonna die. Because of me.”

“Because her heart’s overworked.”

“No, because I protected Rebecca instead of —“

“Instead of what? Letting Sam kill her? Listen to yourself.”

“I can’t! I can’t even think right now. I should be in there with her, comforting her, saying whatever it is she needs to hear to make the right decision and save herself over this baby. Only… only…”

He has tears in his eyes, and Laurel understands why.

“You want the baby.”

A tear slips out, and Wes groans. “I want her so badly.”

.

They decide to go with Bonnie and Frank’s plan -- have the baby but stay on top of everything. They’ve lost enough people in this life, and they’re not losing anyone else.

.

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[roominthecastle]

post--“620″ ramblings about stuff & things

so 620 picks up one week after the succulent goose incident. Despite those 7 days, our Red remains as angry and hurt as he was before (if not more), which is our first key point. “I can neither kill... nor trust... nor forgive.” It’s quite an unsettling thing to hear, to say the least, and Liz, unsettled, immediately counters w/ “You forgave Dembe.” This Liz vs Dembe thread that’s been earnestly pulled on since 618 gives us the second key. It reaches all the way back to the first episode of this season where it gets established why such a comparison is not working as an argument: “That’s different.”

In both 620 and 601 we have a moment where Liz and Red try to drag poor Dembe in between them as an “example” to deflect pressure, but each immediately rejects this stunt bc they both know that the nature of their relationship is different. The forgiveness of a parent (figure) is not forthcoming for Liz bc Red’s feelings for her are not really those of a parent. This exact issue emerged after her faked death, too, and Bokenkamp touched upon Red’s point of view already, i.e. how the parent figure would have to forgive but the romantic partner is, in fact, conflicted [x]. But I’ve already written a longer piece on this duality, so I won’t get into it here.

And Red’s been struggling. He is heartbroken again and not as a parent. A parent’s heartbreak is equated to “being impaled by a unicorn” and -- still barred from being in her life -- it’s little Agnes whom Red watches riding a unicorn on the carousel. :)

With Liz, Red is suffering through something else that 100% parallels what Liz went through w/ Tom re, love, betrayal, and forgiveness. She was in limbo where she couldn’t kill, she couldn’t trust, she couldn’t forgive. She lost control and cold fury was the only way to get some of it back. And then she gave in to hope and “forgave every lie and believed every promise” only to get betrayed again. Red describes his predicament the same way: she “has lied and deceived me and I've forgiven her every time” and “I knew but I let my hopes convince me that she wouldn’t betray me.” This ties straight back to the idea of being in love == being rendered powerless, which is part of a larger quote from James about self-deception vs true romantic love. Part of this had a cameo in S2 and another is echoed at the end of this episode (the greeting card bit).

The topic of appearance vs truth is the third key that slides neatly into the broader question of Red’s identity. We have two important scenes that poke this issue:

one w/ Ressler when he questions Dom’s story and Liz’s willingness to gloss over the holes to preserve a neat surface appearance: “But is it the truth? Does it make sense that this is the answer?”

and the other is w/ torture master Teddy who points out how Red lives a charade: “The code's like the suit and the hat. You feel good wearing it. Look good, too. Million bucks. But, and I gotta think deep down you know this, it's like lipstick on a pig. It can cover a lotta sins. End of the day, it's still trayf.”

and all this nicely echoes Dom’s words from the previous episode (the “architect of this charade” who’s “stepping into the lie”) and the way Red kicks off the whole show in 101: “Everything about me is a lie.”

Red wears a disguise, is the point. “Raymond Reddington” is a lie he’s been inhabiting for a yet to be fully uncovered purpose. But ever since he met Liz, he’s been longing to break from this. It’s clearly expressed in all those emotional moments he shares w/ her, e.g.:

“I haven't been home in years. But if anyone can give me a second chance, it's you.”

“Sailors have been navigating by the stars for thousands of years. Odysseus spent a decade at war. But his biggest battle was finding his way home. That's Polaris, the North Star. That's how sailors used to find their way home. When I look at you, that's what I see. I see my way home.”

“It may be hard for you to imagine, but I once had a relatively normal life... bills to pay, play dates, family, some friends, people to care about. Lost all that. // Lost how? // In Mexico, there are these fish that have colonized the freshwater caves along Sierra del Abra. They were lost. They found themselves living in complete darkness. But they didn't die. Instead, they thrived. They adapted. They lost their pigmentation, their sight, eventually even their eyes. With survival, they became... hideous. I've rarely thought about what I once... was. But I wonder...if a ray of light were to make it into the cave, would I be able to see it? Or feel it? Would I gravitate to its warmth? And if I did, would I become... less hideous?”

When Red looks at Liz and Agnes, the deep longing for that past self w/ a wife and daughter stirs in him. It surfaces when she tells him her simple yet distant dream of walking in the park w/ her husband and daughter. They want the exact same thing. This is consistent throughout the seasons. He’s been gently signaling this to her and she’s been fleeing from it bc he is just... too much and the idea of him in that role in her life is an attractive yet scary image (see her steamy dream of him in S2 that blends sensuality and dread as Red, having murdered her husband, stalks up to her bed asking what she really wants).

Red’s anger as a way to reestablish a semblance of soothing control and Liz’s refusal to face the truth to protect herself are what we have in that last scene in 620. “father figure” is a buffer zone, always has been, it’s part of the charade Red lives while wearing Reddington’s identity. Despite having pushed for the truth, she is now trying to lock him into this lie, telling him that that’s what he will always be. And if you keep in mind those quotes above that show how Red longs for a past life around her, then you can see how her words likely inflict more pain.

This brings another quote from Red to mind:

“You said something before. The truth doesn’t matter, that the only thing in this world that matters is just the appearance of truth. I fear you might be right about that. Lately I find that the truth has become… so elusive. Often imaginary. But in the end, it’s all that we’re left with, isn’t it? What is real, what you can taste and touch and feel. The words that pass between us as we look each other in the eye are… all we have to hold on to. The truth. I hold it dear.”

In their first scene where Liz talks about finally having the opportunity to be completely honest w/ each other, they sit face to face. And then promptly dance back from it all, esp Red. Then she soon admits to Ressler that she might be closing her eyes to the whole truth to keep things simple, safe and "sweet”. And so in their last scene, there is no eye contact at all as she tells Red that it doesn’t matter who he once was (never mind that months ago she was willing to put him in jail to find out) bc this fake identity is who he is and who he will always be, which apparently dictates that he must play father and grandfather.

The sheer arrogance and presumptuousness of this statement are already begging for a strong rebuttal but it also nicely reflects Liz’s tendency to make things about herself while brushing aside how others might feel or think. She did this w/ Tom when she refused to see who he really was and tried to convince herself he’d changed. And she does this to Ressler, too, when she tells him she knows he did everything bc he thought it was what was best for her, never mind that that was not Ressler’s motivation at all and he, in fact, said that to her already. Her last scene w/ Red has this vibe to it.

The fact that Agnes is part of this park scene is no coincidence, imo. Red is not comfortable w/ playing Liz’s dad. If he were, he wouldn’t have denied being her dad when she asked him in S1 (since wearing Reddington’s identity provides the wiggle room here), he wouldn’t have winced and cringed every time she referred to him as “father” in S5, and he wouldn’t have had the same reaction at the end of 620, either. He doesn’t embrace it, he doesn’t like it, he just endures it. There was a (sadly discarded) line back in S1/S2 about how he would be willing to play any role she wanted him to play but I believe something has changed since then. Even back in 102, he enthusiastically offers her the role of girlfriend and when she refuses, he flatly tells her that she can play daughter then. The preference on his part seems consistent but it will always be up to Liz to give the green light. Or the red one.

He wants to be a father to Agnes and he’s already confessed it in 319 (“I would give anything to be a part of that child's life... hold her... watch her grow.”). And the only time during the park scene when we can see the cold tension melt off him is when he sees the little girl. And when he hears Liz’s decision to bring Agnes home, his stony demeanor crumbles completely.

This is also where another part of that quote from James mentioned above seeps into the dialog: when Red remarks that Liz’s code is not a code but a greeting card -- confused, self-deceiving bullshit (just like Teddy called his code part of a charade designed to hide the scary truth). They are still not being honest w/ each other, they don’t look each other in the eye, they are still dancing around the actual truth at the core of their relationship. Red is deeply hurt, all his hopes seemingly dashed, which drives him to clam up even more and detach to mitigate the pain. He can’t kill but he can try and kill his true feelings for her, I suppose. And Liz is still afraid to face what it is exactly that fuels his intimate commitment to her, so she draws a line in the sand, declaring it permanent. But...

“You know the problem with drawing lines in the sand? With a breath of air, they disappear.”

James stated -- while talking about TBL -- that he’s not interested in material that doesn’t have a romantic/sexual aspect to explore. He also said that he is fascinated by Red and Liz’s relationship, that Red’s feelings for her are strong, complex, and complicated, and that neither is sure of the true nature of their relationship.

so bottom line (to quote Ressler who’s fast becoming the only voice of reason now that Dembe left): Red locked in the surrogate parent role just bc he wears Reddington’s identity for a different, still mostly unknown purpose -- is it the truth? does it make sense that this is the answer?

nope.

And I think it’s interesting that Cooper was designated as a “spokesperson” when he is in the dark about what happened between Red and Liz: the one who is mostly in the dark speaks about a family bond but his assessment (of love, faith, commitment) could easily pass for a wedding vow, too. It’s nothing but fitting, imo.

This latest fallout created a huge fracture in the Red/Liz relationship and I don’t expect them to repair it in the 2 episodes we have left this season. But Agnes is back and I think she will be the glue for these two idiots in the long run, allowing them to slip into a family rhythm that could potentially coax some buried feelings to the surface -- feelings both are trying to ignore at the moment.

[hollymartinswrites]

Chapters: 14/? Fandom: IT - Stephen King, IT (Movies - Muschietti), Doctor Sleep - Stephen King, Doctor Sleep (2019) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh Characters: Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier, Ben Hanscom, Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough, Mike Hanlon, Original Child Character(s), Dan “Danny” Torrance, Abra Stone Additional Tags: Fix-It, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-IT Chapter Two (2019), Domestic, Light Angst, Family Feels, Childhood Trauma, Adoption, Kid Fic, Adopted Children, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Marriage, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier Are Parents, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Catholicism, Richie Tozier Has Issues, Extended Tozier Family, Medical Examinations, Stephen King References, The Shining References, Doctor Sleep References, References to Depression, Depression, Mentioned Sonia Kaspbrak

Summary:

Eddie and Richie embark on the most terrifying experience of all—parenthood. Or, the author desperately needed a domestic, family fix-it for Richie and Eddie and it turned into a much longer, angstier exploration than I expected.

Chapter XIV: The Tozier Family trip to Seattle is not without its surprises and gets Richie thinking.

Several weeks later

Richie was just on the edge of sleep when he felt a nudge. He opened his eyes and smiled as Eddie offered him a glass of red wine.

“Thanks, babe,” he muttered, yawning. Eddie collapsed beside him on the couch with his own glass and sighed happily.

“Merry Christmas,” Eddie said, clinking his glass to Richie’s before taking a sip. “We survived.”

“We sure did,” Richie replied, gazing at the unwrapped gifts under the tree and garbage bag filled with torn paper and ribbons. “It was a good day.”

Eddie nodded, leaning his head on Richie’s shoulder.

“I think I enjoy Christmas more now with the girls than I ever did as a kid,” he observed. “Well, that’s probably my mom’s fault but still.”

“Now, you’re right,” Richie agreed. “I remember in college, being depressed that Christmas would never feel the same but this is pretty damn close.”

The two men fell silent as they gazed at the tree and gifts, content to merely be alone together with one another. Richie closed his eyes again and yawned again.

“Ready for bed?” Eddie asked.

“I’ve been ready for bed since Thanksgiving,” Richie replied.

Eddie laughed before taking another sip of his wine.

“At least we got a few days to relax before our flight,” he observed.

“Why’d we even agree to this trip?” Richie groaned. “Can’t we just stay in bed until January 2nd?”

“Because we promised our friends,” Eddie pointed out. “And we love them.”

“Let’s cheat on them with sleep.”

“The tickets are already paid for.”

“Ugh, fine,” Richie sighed, opening his eyes and smiling down at Eddie. “I hate it when you’re rational.”

“You love it,” Eddie said, draining the last of his wine.

Richie nodded and curled in closer to his husband. His mind drifted to that morning, and he smiled as he recalled how excited and happy their daughters had been all day, the smiles never leaving their faces. It had made all the stress and planning worth it.

“Do you think the girls will be okay with this trip?” he asked quietly.

“Why wouldn’t they be?” Eddie asked.

Richie shrugged.

“It’s a long flight to Seattle,” he explained. “And Tess has never even been to an airport.”

“Yeah, but we’ve been preparing her,” Eddie replied. “And her therapist gave us plenty of help, too. Plus, she’s excited just because her sister is excited.”

Richie shrugged again. Eddie wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“You worry about her too much,” he said softly. “She’s a lot more capable than you think.”

“I know that,” Richie said quickly. “I don’t think she’s delicate or anything. It’s just that she’s…”

“She’s our baby, I know,” Eddie replied before leaning in to press a kiss against the side of Richie’s head.

“She has been doing a lot better,” Richie admitted. “I thought for sure that losing Abracadabra was going to be a bigger deal but if anything, she’s become more confident lately.”

“We gotta stop calling her that,” Eddie laughed. “The poor girl’s name is Abra.”

“I know, I know.”

“Do you think…” Eddie cleared his throat. “Do you think we should reach out to her again?”

Richie gazed at him.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Sometimes Tess brings her up,” Eddie said, “and yeah, she’s been fine but maybe she should...meet her.”

Richie sat up and blinked at him.

“What?”

“I know I’ve said I don’t want her or Dan in our lives but she did help our daughter and maybe it’ll be good for Tess,” Eddie sighed. “I don’t know, it’s just a thought.”

“Well, okay. It’s something to think about.” Richie gazed down at his unfinished glass of wine. “I’m gonna chug this and then we’re going to bed, okay?”

Eddie laughed again.

“Okay, babe,” he said.

“Their house should be coming up on the left,” Eddie said as he gazed down at his phone.

“Okay,” Richie replied, slowing their rented car down. “What’s the number again?”

“112. I think that’s it.”

“Holy shit,” Richie breathed.

“Papa said a bad word,” Lydia declared from the back seat.

“Yeah, I did, sorry,” he muttered. “This is just a kickass house.”

“That’s another bad word!”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Lydia shrugged.

“This is a really nice house,” Eddie observed as they pulled into the driveway. “Way too big for just the two of them.”

“They probably got a bunch of live-in assistants and housekeepers and whatnot,” Richie said, parking the car. He turned in his seat to gaze at his daughters. “You girls ready to see Uncle Ben and Aunt Bev?”

“Yes!” Tess and Lydia both shrieked excitedly.

“Best behavior, okay?” Eddie said. “We don’t want to give Uncle Ben and Aunt Bev a reason to regret inviting us over, right?”

“Right,” Lydia answered as Tess nodded solemnly.

Richie grinned and stepped out of the car, helping their daughters unbuckle and climb down.

“Where’s everyone else?” he asked Eddie as they walked up the winding path to the front door. “You think they Ubered or something?”

“They’re not coming in until tomorrow,” Eddie replied, holding Lydia’s hand. “Remember? Bev told us that last week.”

“Oh yeah. Why’d she want us earlier?”

Eddie shrugged.

“Maybe to kill us,” he offered.

“Aunt Bev wouldn’t do that,” Lydia insisted.

“I know, I’m just teasing.”

Richie reached down and lifted Tess into his arms.

“Wanna ring the doorbell?” he asked. She nodded her head vigorously and immediately reached out to press the button. “It’s got a camera, make a funny face for them.”

Tess and Lydia and Richie all pulled ridiculous faces at the camera while Eddie rolled his eyes and smiled fondly. The door swung open and Bev greeted them with a wide grin.

“Aunt Bev!” Lydia shrieked before anyone else could say a thing and immediately launched herself at Beverly.

“Hey, whoa,” Bev laughed, wrapping her arms around their daughter. “I’m happy to see you, too.”

“I think she’s just stircrazy from being cooped up in the hotel,” Richie observed. He leaned in to kiss her on her cheek. “How’re you doing, Bev? Merry belated Christmas and Happy New Year.”

“Merry Christmas,” Bev replied. She smiled gently at Tess. “Can I get a kiss?”

Much to her fathers’ delight, Tess nodded and allowed Bev to peck her quickly on her cheek.

“Good to see you, Bev,” Eddie smiled as he embraced her in the doorway.

“So good to see all of you,” she replied and stepped back. “We’re so glad you made it. I know it must’ve been hard to travel all this way. Come in.”

“Oh, nothing Xanax and a tablet full of downloaded Disney movies can’t handle,” Richie shrugged. He set Tess down on the ground. “Take your shoes off, girls.”

“Oh, they’re fine,” Bev said waving her hand. “Come in, come in.”

“Where’s Ben?” Eddie asked, hanging up the girls’ jackets.

“He’ll be right down. Come on, come into the living room.”

They followed her into a spacious living room, still decorated for Christmas, with a large sectional couch and huge TV that was already conveniently quietly playing cartoons. Lydia and Tess immediately sat down in front of it.

“Sit, sit,” Bev insisted. “Do you guys want anything to eat or drink?”

“We’re fine,” Eddie replied, “come here, talk to us. Tell us about your holiday.”

“Yeah, and why you and your trophy husband have been so cagey about this trip,” Richie said, sitting on the sofa. “I had a bet going with Eds that you were pregnant.”

Bev laughed and shook her head.

“No, no,” she said. “Sorry to disappoint.”

Richie shrugged.

“No big deal, he just owes me twenty bucks,” Eddie replied. “So what is going on?”

“Well…” Bev trailed off when they heard steps coming into the living room. “Here’s Ben, he’ll explain.”

As the two men turned to greet their friend, words abruptly died on their lips when they saw him standing there, smiling bashfully, with a baby in his arms. All was silent for a long moment, until Lydia excitedly exclaimed, “Baby!”

“Holy shit,” Richie gasped.

“Papa, stop saying bad words,” Tess insisted, sounding terribly embarrassed.

Bev and Ben both began to laugh.

“What is going on here?” Eddie asked, wide-eyed.

“Whose baby is that? Did you steal it? Are we accomplices now?” Richie quickly asked.

Ben rolled his eyes, still laughing, as he stepped into the living room, the wide-eyed baby carefully cradled in his arms.

“Tozier family,” he said, “meet baby Ida.”

“Hi Ida,” Lydia and Tess both said quickly, gazing at her in wonderment.

Ben smiled and stepped up beside his wife, who wrapped her arms around him. Richie and Eddie both continued staring at the two of them, slack-jawed.

“Well,” Bev said happily, “welcome to our surprise. Meet our daughter.”

Richie was the first to have his brain finally catch up with his mouth.

“So you were pregnant,” he declared. “I knew it! You owe me twenty bucks, Eds.”

“That’s what your first reaction is?” Eddie asked, dumbstruck.

Bev laughed.

“No, we used a surrogate,” she explained. “A college friend of mine. So, I’m sorry, Richie, Eddie wins on a technicality.”

“Damn it,” Richie muttered.

“Can we see the baby?” Tess asked gently.

“Wait, you need to wash your hands first,” Eddie said, snapping out of his shock. “We all do.”

“Bathroom’s right here,” Bev said, leading them down the hall, where they quickly washed and dried their hands.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Richie exclaimed, as they returned to the living room, Ben sitting on the sofa with Ida in his arms. She was happily sucking on her own hand.

“Well, it was Bev’s idea,” he admitted as the girls carefully sat on either side of him, gazing down at the baby.

“Bev, what were you thinking?”

“We didn’t want the fuss,” she explained, sitting down next to Lydia. “At first we were just going to wait until later in the pregnancy but then thought it would be easier to just keep it all a surprise.”

“But what about a shower or…?” Eddie asked.

Both Bev and Ben shook their hands.

“We don’t need stuff,” he said. “We just want you guys here. To finally meet her. That’s way more important to us.”

“How old is she?” Lydia asked.

“She’s just over three months,” Ben said. “She just started sleeping through the night.”

“So did Eddie,” Richie cracked.

“Harhar,” Eddie grumbled. He sat beside Tess and gazed at the baby in Ben’s arms, his face soft and gentle. “She is beautiful, you two. Congratulations.”

“Oh, yeah, we didn’t say that, did we?” Richie observed. “Congrats. And welcome to parenthood.”

“Thank you,” Bev said, smiling beatifically. “That’s actually why we asked you to come here before the rest of the Losers.”

“What do you mean?”

“You guys are parents,” Ben explained. “And amazing ones. We need advice.”

“More like we need all the help we can get,” Bev added.

Richie and Eddie both blinked and stared at one another, mildly confused.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” Richie explained, “but Eds and I are pretty much just winging it.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed, “plus, we’ve never had a baby. Lydia was five and Tess three when we adopted them.”

Bev opened her mouth to respond when Tess looked up at her father and made a tiny, whimpering sound.

“But I’m your baby,” she said softly, her eyes wide.

“Oh, for goodness—of course, you are, sweetheart,” Eddie said, quickly gathering Tess into his arms.

“Daddy just meant you’re not a little baby by Ida here,” Richie explained quickly. “You don’t need diapers or bottles, right?”

Tess considered this before nodding. Bev smiled gently at her.

“Would you like to hold her?” she offered gently.

Tess’s eyes lit up as Lydia pouted and Eddie’s own eyes widened in fear.

“I think she’s too young for that, right?” he asked.

“Nonsense, she just needs to sit still and have a pillow on her lap,” Bev explained. “Here, sit back, Tess, let me get you a pillow.”

“And then you can hold her for a bit, Lydia,” Ben said, quickly noticing the pout growing in intensity on their other daughter’s face.

Richie sighed in relief, desperate to avoid a full-on meltdown within the first half hour being there, and smiled reassuringly at Lydia. With Eddie’s help, Tess sat back on the couch as Bev placed a pillow on her lap.

“Hold your arms out,” Ben explained softly, “and be sure to support her neck.”

Tess nodded seriously and stared in fascination as he gently played Ida in her tiny arms. Eddie reached out and helped arrange her arms, whispering, “Careful, and be gentle. You’re a lot bigger and stronger than her.”

“There you go,” Ben said, sitting back. “You’re doing great.”

Tess stared down at Ida, whose big eyes were gazing around her in curiosity. Suddenly, a smile spread on Ida’s little face and she waved her chubby arms about.

“Aw, she likes you,” Bev exclaimed. “Maybe you and your sister can babysit someday.”

Tess looked up at her fathers and beamed. Something bright twisted inside Richie’s chest as he gazed at his daughter and when he looked up to meet Eddie’s face, he knew his husband felt the same way. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ben snapping pictures with his phone.

“My turn,” Lydia said, “please, please.”

“Alright, alright,” Eddie said, before turning towards Bev. “Okay if I do the hand-off?”

“Of course,” she said happily.

After repeating his instructions to Lydia, Eddie carefully took Ida into his arms and allowed himself one brief moment to simply cradle her against his chest before placing her in Lydia’s outstretched arms. Richie exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding and all he could think as he watched his husband holding the baby in his arms was, I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me.

Gazing out at the skyline, Richie leaned against the balcony railing. The lights of the city were bright against the dark sky and though it was beautiful, he was looking forward to going home. He yawned and could see his breath escaping. He shivered.

The balcony door slid open and Eddie stepped out quietly before closing it behind him.

“What are you doing out here?” he asked. “It’s freezing.”

“Got my coat,” Richie shrugged, his hands shoved in his pockets. “Just needed some fresh air.”

“Seattle has some of the worst air pollution in the country,” Eddie observed, standing beside him and wrapping an arm around Richie’s.

“Of course you would know that,” Richie smirked. “Still, it’s a pretty view.”

Eddie nodded.

“The girls are asleep,” he said. “Why don’t you come back inside? It’s been a long day.”

“Eds,” Richie began instead of answering, “I...you...fuck.”

Eddie laughed.

“You still jetlagged, babe?” he asked, reaching up to curl a strand of Richie’s hair behind his ear.

“Do you ever think about having another kid?” Richie blurted out, inwardly wincing.

“Oh, God,” Eddie laughed, rolling his eyes, “I knew this was going to happen. The moment Ben put Ida in your arms, I saw you get all gooey and lovestruck.”

“I did not!”

“And when the girls were talking to her and reading her stories and when Ben asked us to be godfathers…”

“Alright, alright, I get it,” Richie huffed. “One day with an infant and I get baby fever. It’ll go away as soon as we’re on the plane back home.”

“Rich—”

“It’s just, I love our girls, right? I love them so fucking much, I can’t breathe at times,” he murmured, looking out towards the skyline again. “And I love raising a family with you and I think we got this parenting thing down pretty good so far. Besides, we’ve never had a baby.”

Eddie sighed and rested his head on Richie’s shoulder.

“I love our girls, too,” he said softly. “And being a parent with you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me but don’t you think our family is complete? And you know how hard it is to adopt a baby versus an older kid.”

“I know,” Richie sighed. “I’m just...thinking out loud.”

Both men fell silent, gazing out to the city. Richie felt Eddie shiver and was about to offer to go back inside when Eddie reached up and kissed him.

“I did enjoy seeing you hold Ida,” Eddie whispered against his lips. “You’re a great dad and I have to admit, it’s a major turn on.”

“So I’m a DILF?” Richie asked, grinning. “I fucking knew it.”

“Mmhmm. Too bad we’re sharing a hotel room with our daughters,” Eddie whispered, smirking at his husband.

“Yeah, too, bad,” Richie replied. He glanced back at the sliding balcony door and was relieved to see that the curtains were closed. He started and turned back when he felt Eddie’s fingers at his fly. “It’s freezing out.”

“So let’s get warmed up,” Eddie replied, leaning up to firmly kiss him again as he unzipped Richie’s jeans.

[allthelittlethingsihavetosa-blog]

#ItsJustAFleshWound {w/@HardGuytokill}

Piper   ::I looked over the Jones and Warners notes on files, they lacked so many things. Like what was actually asked and to who. Where her parents were, the fact that the man they were talking to was actual Miranda’s step father, so her real dad was out there somewhere with her maybe. Who knows, no one had questioned him. Had they bothered to look at up her mothers name they would have found previous cases of abuse and would have learned that her grandmother had custody. That was more than likely where she was. My eyes rolled instantly as I picked up the phone and dialed out her number, we were on speaking terms but Gwen and I weren’t friends. It rang one to many times for my liking and when she did answer her voice gave way more than she wanted it too::

Hey Gwen, It’s Piper.  I’m just calling to check in on you and Miranda, you two doing alright? Apparently there has been some trouble with her parents again and I’m  just making sure she’s ok.  ::There was a long, long pause before she spoke again, her voice trembling but still firm. “We’re fine, Piper, just came in from playing outside so please excuse my breathlessness.” She even chuckled nervously, anything to distract me from the truth, but I couldn’t just charge in because my gut told me something was off. “Miranda is doing fine, we both are. She’s been asking about you a lot…” The phone hit the floor and someone cried out NO before it cut off entirely. That was all the proof I needed before I was on my feet, already tucking my gun into it’s holster and reaching out for my cell to call Riggs for backup. I popped into the Chiefs office on my way out to give him the heads up to send back up:: I’ll need it, but keep them a block away, he sees any sign of them and everyone in that house is dead. I’ll head in with Riggs, see how far I can get, if I can’t get far I’ll just call and leave the line open. That will be the sign to send everything in. Don’t do /anything/ until then.

One look from the Chief Rowland and I knew he both hated and accepted what I had said, I didn’t wait long enough to hear any complaints he had to say, Anger was already coursing through my small frame as my fingers flexed over the wheel, Riggs was meeting me there. He was closer than I was, he was meeting with some contact getting information on another case we were working on. It seemed to be his thing lately to get info on the seeder side of things and I wasn’t about to deter him from that especially when his info was proving positive.

Riggs. -This was my new routine drowning my memories in booze and feelings in random women, while dodging my partners questions with bullshit like I was getting intel on the gangs shipments of drugs or more. I hated that I was lying to her. Hated that I was putting her life in danger every time we went out but that was just the way it was. She knew parts of my life but she didn’t know all of it, I kept it that way so she couldn’t give me that look that my father in law gave me. The one that was filled with pity and regret for allowing his daughter to marry me. I slammed back another shot, waving the glass at the gorgeous blonde behind the bar- Another beautiful. -FUCK. - Maybe hold off on that. But I would like your number for after this is finished, what time do you get off? -She grinned, I leaned over the bar and smirked sliding my card across the bar- Call me, I’ll get you off after you’re finished you’re finished your shift. I’ll even use my cuffs. - One wink later she tucked that card in her bra and I was out the door towards my car to drown myself in some cologne. A little visine to the the eyes and Piper would never be the wiser when I arrived at our meeting spot. Why couldn’t this just be an easy day. I deserved it, didn’t I?-

Piper: ::I parked about a block away then waited for Riggs to arrive, I was already wearing my bullet proof vest making sure that my weapons were loaded. I tucked two back up cartridges into my back pockets just in case then stood there waiting as always for my “partner”. Ten bucks said he was at some bar drowning whatever issues he had to whoever would listen instead of doing the same to the people who wanted to help him most. I groaned loudly. There were so many of us that wanted to help him but he never let us in close enough. I shook my head focusing again on the case, my phone held the layout of the house, it was simple. Once inside you walked into the living room, on the left was a wall and behind that was the kitchen. If you continued about twenty steps you turn you hit the hallway continue down there you would pass Miranda's room first and then her Grandma’s. Gwen usually stayed on the couch when she stayed over so I was willing to bet money that was were they were gathered right now. Riggs and I would have to go in the back and work our way forward to the living room.

A smoke bomb would just cause chaos, which of course Riggs would love but someone would end up shot and casualties were not an option. Not even to Miranda’s father. Jason, he was nothing short of a jackass abuser. He spent more time in jail then he did out of it. Coming out more dangerous every time he came out of the system, whatever he had going through his mind this time wasn’t good. Maybe it was drugs? Money? Fuck, money for drugs? I just needed this to go smoothly. Just as I was pulling my hair up into a ponytail Riggs pulled up behind me, pulling off his shades as he made his way over::

Riggs:   -Pulling the car to a stop I admired how gorgeous my partner really was in that moment, how hadn’t someone taken advantage of that? She caught me, fuck. How she went from a beaut to a staring demon surprised me. I got out and made my way over, chuckling- You really think Jason is this fuckin’ dumb, Pipes? Stupid enough to put his daughter in danger? He knows you’d find him of all people, you’ve been protectin’ that girl since birth. -I watched her body tense even her jaw as she gazed out at the house, muttering something about men under her breath- I’m just askin’ is all. How we goin’ in?

Piper: ::Sometimes Riggs astounded me, why he always had to question everything made it really hard not to shoot him in the foot. So very fucking hard.:: Why? I have no clue but we are here for a reason, Riggs, maybe he wants money? Drugs or worse. I don't know. That’s why we are going in quiet. You really think having the whole station here would be a good idea? ::I threw up my hands in sheer anger, I hated when I was questioned, especially when I knew I was doing the right thing.:: We are going in the back, you’ll wait five minutes before coming in quietly behind me. Just give me enough time to talk to Jason and see if I can get him off the edge before you come charging in ok? You think you can handle that? And don’t think I can’t smell the booze, Riggs, I need you to focus. Please. ::I practically begged the last word, he was the only backup I had, really the only person I really trusted within the force right now. I let my eyes close so I could collect myself before I closed the trunk and opened them enough to find his.:: You ready?

Riggs:: -She was pissed. It was more than plastered all over her face it was now showing in her actions and words. I fucked this up. Listening was my only option now.- Follow in five minutes after you. If I hear anythin’ that leads me ta thinkin’ any of y'all are in danger I’m comin’ in, Piper. Five minutes or not. -She shot me a look that would have killed if it could but she understood what I was saying, she knew the the rules. She wasn’t about to risk shit.  We made our way down towards the house, creeping along the bushes that lined the house until we were in the backyard. All seemed relatively quiet except for the yelling coming from the living room. Jason was screaming up a storm, smacking someone around that was for sure judging by Miranda’s cries to stop. At least he hadn’t made it to her yet.- You  have 3 minutes, Hart. That’s all I’m givin’ ya

Piper:: ::My heart sank the second I hear the screams mixed with Miranda’s cries, it was already to late for somethings. Too late to stop him from beating someone I wagered was Gwen.:: Wait here, I’ll take the three then come in. Just don’t charge Riggs for the love of god. ::I flashed him a glare before I gave the handle a turn and stepped him, my gun already drawn. Making my way around the house was made easy by the numerous visits I had made to Miranda and her grandmother, we’d made a connection when Gwen was arrested the first time and the little girl would call whenever she was in trouble. Trouble being anything from it’s hot to I can’t find my grandma. This is why I hated that she was in this situation. My back slid along the wall until the scene came into view. Jason had Gwen held up by her hair both her eyes a bright almost shining purple, lip bloodied and swelling. Grandma’s had been obviously been hit as well but she was now curled up in the corner beside Miranda. Poor girl had tears streaming down her cheek, sometime during this all she had peed her pants and was desperately trying to hide it. I was made the second she saw my face::

“PIPER” ::Miranda stood up to run and that’s when Jason pointed his gun her way, instantly grandma grabbed her leg and pulled her back::

{She moves and I will end her, Piper, without a second thought} “NO” ::Screamed Gwen trying anything to get loose now, she bit and clawed at any part of him she could.::

Come on, Jason, what the fuck? This isn’t you. You’ve never put her life on the line before, why now? ::I kept my gun trained on him while slowly moving myself between Miranda, grandma and himself:: What gives? Tell me and maybe we can talk this out. You know me, know I would do anything to help your kid and family. So talk to me. Tell me what’s happening. ::He paused a moment glancing down at Gwen, I didn’t know what he was thinking or what was going on in his mind just that he was still. My eyes wavered between his movements and the gun, then suddenly it dropped, the butt of his gun hitting his ex in the head. She was down in an instant. Still breathing but unconscious. There was a shrill, high pitched scream to my left:: “MOMMA”

JASON! I’ve given you a chance ::I stepped in closer completely forgetting about Riggs:: Put down the gun now.

{What are you going to do, Detective, shoot me in front of my kid? You really want to traumatize her further? You’re too soft for that shit. That’s the whole problem with you bitches. Too fucking soft. Gwen was a fucking bitch, couldn’t handle any fucking thing. She owed me money, owed the gang money and she blew us off to visit the kid. She was supposed to ask my mom for money, was supposed to meet up last night with it, She didn’t . She knew what would happen. Miranda will make a lot of fucking money for us.}

::I gasped, shaking my fucking head at what I was hearing. I stepped in one step closer unsure if I could keep myself from slapping this asshole with my own fucking gun:: You are ..there are no words for scum like you. Drop the gun, get down on your knees and put your hands on your hea…

Riggs: -I heard what was happening before I even went in, fucking Hart. She had no control before she even went in. Jason had it all. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Now she needed me to save her. I peek around the corner to see Gwen down, Miranda in her grandmas grasp and Piper in a full showdown with Jason. This was going to end one way and it wasn’t with my partner getting injured, it was with the perp getting one in the chest. At least if things went my way. I walked into the room slowly, neither seemed to notice until I called out- On your six, Hart. Jason I’d listen to her, I can take you out right here and now. Drop it. -He only seemed to grin darkly, Piper shifted a single inch and took two shots. One ripped through her side while the other buried itself in her abdomen. She turned to look at me before her hands covered the wounds, next she dropped to the floor. Miranda was in hysterics- Fuck. -This time there was no second thought, Jason knew it was over he dropped the gun and got down on his knees and instantly his hands were lifting to settle behind his head. I didn’t give two shits. I shot before he had his secondhand lifted, I kicked him back watching as he began to bleed out, the put the gun back in his palm.

Next came calling in the calvary- I need an ambulance to this location, Harts down. Suspects down. I repeat. I need an ambulance for Hart. ASAP.  -I was at her side before I finished, adding pressure to her wounds- Come on, Piper, you won’t give up this easy darlin’. I know you got some fight in you. -I barely heard what she said as people began bursting through the door- “I said…..don..t….bust in -She blinked a few more times and we lost her. The paramedics pushed me out of the way yammering about iv’s and shit I didn’t understand, soon enough they were gone with her in tow. While half the squad watched all wondering whether she would make it or not but we all knew it would heaven or hell would have a hell of a fight on their hands. She wasn’t one to go down easily-