#i know this is the ''dont stop taking them bc you feel normal bc theyre whats making u feel normal'' part

[skunkes]

antidepressants have saved my life but in the way that my dad was put on them earlier this year before i was and he's an entirely different person neow. several years of it being a coin toss as to whether the house was going to have a sinister energy on any given day, undone in a few weeks and once again resembling the person i was most attached to as a child

[downsteepy]

i am very grateful that im not someone that has to deal with daily seizures but it is evil when it takes like a week and a half's worth of business days to recover from a seizure

[theygender]

[apathyfairy]

someone who is good at reading too much into nothing pls analyze my dream

[perilegs]

if someone has a crush on you how would you react? just as a hypothetical situation ha ha

[atthebell-moved]

hi, i completely agree that the fandom has a problem with misogyny and often fails at self-introspection. my question is, do you have any resources/tips/thoughts on how to be better about it? even, how to recognize it in yourself the first place? "ok i'll stop being a misogynist now" is a lot easier said than done, especially for people who might not be that educated on the subject, and majority of the people in this fandom are quite young as well.

this is long as fuck and possibly somewhat incoherent bc it took so long to write but i did my best

my biggest tip for people who don't know much about misogyny is to look at your own behavior and learn how to clock what you're doing as sexist.

are you criticizing a female creator? think about why you're doing it, what the actual beef you have with them is. if it seems to be just a sense of discomfort or thinking they're annoying or overly loud or pushy, think about male ccs who act the same way and why you dont consider them annoying. are you annoyed with them for being on a male cc's stream? why? does it feel like theyre taking up too much attention? do you get annoyed with them for talking too much or flirting with guys? for gaming especially-- do you get annoyed with them for not knowing something or being "bad" at a game? think about why that is and why its just funny when a male cc is bad at games or doesnt know something.

a HUGE problem i see in this fandom is the Madonna-whore complex, repackaged as the little sister-racist dichotomy (kudos to @yourlittlemenace for that phrasing).

if a female cc is deemed to be "playing nice" (doesnt talk too much, is "nice", streams with male ccs but doesnt flirt with them, isn't "overtly sexual"), she's the little sister of the group. all the male ccs "protect" her, she literally folds their laundry, she doesnt call out how people treat her, and the fandom pretends that this is a normal and cool way to treat women who are public figures. this also goes for mom/big sister/etc. if you think you haven't done this, think about all the aus where you've forced puffy into some kind of maternal or sisterly role when it made no sense. then think about how pissed people got when she decided not to be the server therapist and was "mean" to Tommy (in lore, with permission. that she didnt even need to get. see that clip i rbed earlier from her podcast.)

if the fandom decides she doesnt play nice, if she flirts with male ccs too much or stands up for herself or points out how unfair it is that she's being treated this way, she gets demeaned, harassed, and shunned by the fandom. consider, again, puffy. consider how niki flirted with wilbur and talked about misogyny and got called a racist for *checks notes* "speaking to schlatt and fundy" and "not being a native english speaker". she got called a slut and a queerbaiter for kissing another woman despite being bisexual.

consider how hard people went down on hannah for having said the r slur several years back versus how hard they went on dream for the same thing. and how people dug it up as a direct response to her being on stream with dream. consider how every time hannah talks about how unfair it is that the mcc subreddit treats her like trash, she has to delete all her tweets bc they harass her to hell and back and act like she's an asshole for pointing out their hypocrisy.

the fandom doesnt do this across the board; i shouldnt have to say this, but its not an everyone versus no one issue. some people do this outright and loud, some dont seem to realize theyre doing it, and a few people dont do it at all (incredibly rare, i can count on one hand the number of people who genuinely seem to try to avoid these issues, which is why im complaining).

in terms of lore, have you ever once done analysis on a female character? why do you think you haven't? the bechdel-wallace test is an (imperfect) way of gauging how a piece of media ignores women and prioritizes men. think about the fact that there are FOUR female ccs on the DSMP and they are continually ignored in favor of male characters. consider that puffy and aimsey both talked about trying to do genuine lore and getting shafted, either because no one was online and wouldn't put in the effort to stream with them or because they received insane amounts of criticism for breaking anything on the server, despite the clear lack of "no griefing" rules and the precedent that you can blow other people's shit up (tommy leveling one of puffy's builds, amongst many other examples).

a quick thing about ships: have you ever wondered why m/m ships are so popular? the general consensus amongst people who care about feminism and are into fandom studies is that for a long period of time, m/m was hugely popular because women are so rarely written as full and complete characters in any media. so people took to engaging with m/m ships and writing about them because they were the most fulfilling relationships, and because misogyny led them to be predisposed to be uninterested in female characters.

say an m/m ship is incredibly popular, something like, i dunno, john watson and sherlock holmes from bbc sherlock. lets also say the canonical media presents one or both of the characters with a female love interest. how do you think a fandom that prioritizes m/m ships and is primed to be disinterested in women as characters (either because of our society's role in teaching people that women do not matter or because of fandom's history in assuming female characters are not fleshed out) is going to react? if you said theyre going to send undue amounts of criticism her way and act like its an act of homophobia to give a canonically straight character a female love interest, congrats, you've figured out a huge component in fandom misogyny. take this, amplify it over several decades, and add the psychic damage that supernatural gave society. queerbaiting is bad but mistreating female characters in service of nonexistent queer relationships is also bad.

this is relevant in general but i also believe its relevant for the dsmp because of the complete lack of m/f ships. aside from phil and kristin, who are literally married irl and kristin isn't even on the server, there are no m/f ships that involve female creators. this is not, despite what you may think, due to the inherently yaoi nature of minecraft roleplay. this is because the creators, including the male ones, are afraid of the blowback of m/f flirting and how fucking awful people are to female ccs anytime it happens. once again look at niki. as another example, consider how notfounders harassed the living daylights out of mxmtoon for flirting with gnf on twitter. if i was a cc i would avoid it like the plague too considering how happy people are to dig shit up about them or accuse them of being a slut or an attention whore/"pick me girl" for speaking to a man.

one last thing, this is more about fanart than anything else but stop drawing women to look like teenage boys. the amount of fanart i see where i literally cannot tell if someone has drawn niki or tommy is fucking insane. niki has curves. draw her with them. if you cannot draw women or people outside a very specific body type you cannot draw. fatphobia and misogyny have a clear overlap.

i cant think of anything else and ive already spent forever on this. look into feminist media analysis. think twice about how you react to female ccs & female characters. consider not just what characters have interesting stories but who is allowed to have interesting stories. you might be neglecting someone who has a lot going on because you're dismissing a female character as inherently less likely to be interesting. you might not even know someone has an interesting story because the fandom neglects it so completely.

as a final little note: like i said earlier, if you're not familiar with gender & sexuality studies, you may not know this, but homophobia and transphobia are rooted in misogyny. the idea that gender is immutable and rigid is because of the patriarchy. this is why gendered slurs are used against queer people and why queer men in particular get accused of and demeaned for being feminine. your understanding of queerphobia is incomplete without considering how sexism plays a role.

also go read everything rayne fisher-quann has ever written but especially this piece on getting woman'd and listen to you're wrong about

[raineyana]

What is your normal grocery list? I’m about to be living at a dorm and I am looking for stuff to stock up on, I can’t really keep frozen foods though

i actually dont even cook all that much so i dont keep a lot of frozen foods either. this is my regular list when i go, usually weekly.

FASTING FOODS

okay so youre probably like. raine you arent supposed to eat anything when you fast. hear me out bc this is how i consistently fast a 20-4 schedule everyday, with a lot less binges than before, AND getting all of the benefits of fasting. and yeah, i still binge from time to time, but my binges are far less because my stomach actually cannot handle being fed over 1000 calories anymore, especially not all at once.

these are my ESSENTIALS so theyre pretty much the only things i consistently buy weekly.

cucumbers

chicken broth (0cal kind)

seaweed snacks

pickled ginger

tea (any, but i like trying new flavors ! my favorite is lemon ginger because it helps digestion, and green tea because it speeds up your metabolism. also a lot healthier than diet coke with the same amount of caffeine, also less likely to spike your blood sugar and kick you out of ketosis- which will make your cravings for food much worse)

...dont get me wrong i couldnt live without diet coke. but sometimes ill go for the healthier option.

why i eat these foods while i fast

these are foods that have extremely low cals and carbs (like less than 2 grams per/serving) so they wont kick you out of ketosis (which is the major benefit to fasting, where your body burns fat at a higher rate). when youre in ketosis, your body stops sending you as many cravings, which is why sometimes it feels easier to fast 24 hours after you last ate as opposed to 3 hours.

because i spend the majority of my time fasting, (and i would never be able to do that without these foods) i go through these items pretty quick.

but otherwise i only have to buy other healthy foods on a biweekly or even monthly basis, because i wont eat them as fast ! heres some things i rotate through depending on how sick of them i am lol.

regular food

built bars - essential for me. tons of protein, less sugar than other bars, and relatively low cal.

somebody on here introduced me to these and im soo glad they did. i dont remember who but if youre seeing this ilysm.

tuna creations packets - rly good for on the go, tons of flavors, lots of protein so they're really filling for only being 70-90cals depending on the flavor

blueberries + apples - so hard to over eat these two items, plus fiber

rice cakes - self explanatory

pistachios or sunflower seeds - great for curbing hunger, but im a little sick of them rn

a low cal air popped popcorn - i forget which brand i have rn, but its pretty good and has a lot of fiber.

chobani yogurt + yogurt protein drinks (50cal) - the fact that these r 50cals amaze me for how good they taste. the yogurt drinks are my favorite bc theres actually a shit ton of protein and taste pretty good without actually having to make myself a protein shake. the cookies and cream and peaches and cream are my favorites ive tried. good for breaking a fast with.

thats all i can think of atm ! sry for the fucking essay i hope this was a little helpful at least.

typing this out manically made me realize im a little crazy. i cant say with my whole chest that you should listen to me and my d1sordered thoughts, but i think everyone on here knows that already so... uh

please be kind to yourselves. take ur vitamins (even while fasting) i genuinely love you all every one of you fucked up bitches like me.

goodnight <3

[justallihere]

im joining the train of being physically ill and your fic giving me the motivation to continue with life (allergies and contact dermatitis are kicking my ass. my eyelids are swollen)

I love how soft these two were for each other in this chapter.

XADEN IS WHIPPED. I feel like if he could live in/under Violet's skin he would 💀

exhibit a

“I can kill him for you,” he offered. 

exhibit b

“No, I don’t want you to move,” Xaden grumbled

exhibit c

“I’ll do whatever you want, my darling wife.”

exhibit d

he was sure his heart stopped beating in his chest for a moment before it resumed its rhythm again. 

exhibit e

Something warm bloomed in his chest at the sight of the ring on his finger, a physical representation of the two of them twined together, from now until they entered whatever life or world followed this one. 

Xaden made Vi blush SO MUCH this chapter and I'm eating it up!!!!!

This line was so funny 😭😭😭. Xaden is such a tease

“Yes, your majesty?” She scowled

Not me my heart breaking for younger Xaden. I hope Vi gives him enough hugs to heal his inner child

Being a dragon rider was one of the only things he had ever chosen for himself, even if, technically, he wasn’t supposed to have it. 

SOMEONE HUG GARRICK PLS. The guilt he probably feels, my poor baby 😭😭

“Can I not be worried about her?” Garrick asked sharply. “She is my queen, Xaden. She isn’t just your wife, she isn’t just Violet. Not anymore. She’s important to all of us, and I have a duty to her. You’re not the only one who failed to keep her safe.” 

EXCUSE ME??? ARE THEY FLIRTING? YOURE HONOR I THINK THEYRE FLIRTING. The second i read that he wanted to take her somewhere outside, I KNEW IT WAS HIS FAVORITE HILLTOP!!!! This moment was so special/monumental for them 😭. Xaden has come so far, from not wanting to share this sacred space/wanting to hate her on principle, to loving Violet and willing to do anything to make her happy (Again, mans is WHIPPED)

“Are you trying to get me drunk, Mrs. Riorson?” Xaden asked in a low voice.  She shivered. “Maybe.” 

HIS RING??? HIS RING????? Of course, Vi noticed how obsessed X is with her hair. nothing gets past her

Xaden's unwavering faith in Vi is so 👌 I dont have words to describe what it is but its top tier husband energy

The fact that Violet reads smut confirms that she's just one of the girls AND Xaden picking the book up to read it ??? Book boyfriend material (Even though he's already her husband)

Questions:

When will Brennan get his head out of the sand and make up his siblings? Stick Xaden on him because B is making Vi and Mira sad!!!!

when was the last time Xaden got drunk/felt comfortable enough to do that?

was the story about malek and his consort's homage to Hades/Persephone but also a reflection of Vi/X's relationship?

She was Amari’s youngest, her most beautiful and most treasured child --- is this foreshadowing to how Lilith views Vi? bc if so... I'm sobbing in a corner

Omg feel better!! Stop being sick!! Why are you all sick!! (normally I’m the one who’s sick all the time 😂)

Waterparks has like dozens of obsessive love songs that I could quote but there’s a line in “I felt younger when we met” (ironically a break up song lol) that says “you moved in behind my eyes and built yourself a shrine” that I think about a lot in terms of how Xaden feels about Violet. Just like, a part of her lives with him permanently now and he can’t and doesn’t want to get rid of it and she’s all he knows and he’s wholly devoted to her

I’m LIVING for the fact that you came with evidence about how whipped he is lmao

They are in fact flirting, can confirm!

To answer your questions: Yes, Brennan will get his act together. The last time Xaden got drunk was, uh. . . so many moons ago I do not have an exact time, but years. And yes! It was a way to say that not only do people see their relationship differently depending on what they’re looking for, but Xaden views himself so differently from the way Violet sees him.

And yeah to that last one as well. I mean she loves all her kids beyond reason, but there’s something in the way she views Violet that’s so special to me

[lullabyshark]

gender in the mars house

this isnt very long & is mostly haphazard and off the cuff but i had to put down some of my thoughts as a nonbinary person on the way gender is portrayed in this book. spoilers obviously

i know as a long-time fan of miss pulley to not take the things she puts in her work at face value. obviously, i think thats true for basically anything not written for children, and even many things that are written for children. something else has to be going on, right? i found myself constantly thinking "whats the catch?"

it feels strange for the love interest to say literal terf rhetoric and imply that bioessentialism is part of the world building. because on one hand this is the love interest, a person that comes across as a charming, awkward nerd in the majority of the text, and theyre saying something completely hideous. not necessarily what they personally believe, but a truth about why things are the way they are on mars.

and because then i look at all these people who were assigned they/them at birth and wonder if any of them ever feel gender euphoria. if you are gender neutral because society says so and you were genetically modified, is there any joy in it? is there any real freedom in it? what about binary trans people? what about people like myself who use neopronouns? is this just neo-cisgenderism? this society is much less widespread gender equality and more of a rigid absence of diversity. otherwise wouldnt we see more genders instead of less?

most of the time everything is very normal. i know so many people who use they/them that it feels very comfortable and homey to see it used so much. but sometimes it feels off. its definitely a cis persons imagining of gender neutrality. because when you create a world where the reason these people are "nonbinary" is bioessentialism and not because they genuinely feel that way, it feels like the gender neutrality is... bad? wrong? misguided?

it makes me feel crazy. on mars gender is no more bc men historically have power over women and kill their wives? women are the victims of biology so now everyone is assigned they/them at birth? it leaves a very odd taste in my mouth. gale only ever addresses it once after this, admitting that actually abolishing gender didnt stop anyone getting killed, it was changing marriage law that did. so where does that leave us

i love a morally gray pulley love interest--if mori was real i would forgive him for all the murders then bat my eyelashes and say anything you want beautiful LMAO. but i think that mystery, when we're dealing with something like systematic oppression, thats a very different thing. i was waiting the whole book for them to say that it was a lie and gender was abolished for a different reason, or that they only said that for the optics.

i wonder what other trans & nb ppl think about it. is there something im not getting? do you like this mono-gender mars? do you think im completely off the mark? if anyone actually reads this i genuinely want to know 😭

natasha i love your work queen but theres a lot in this book that fails to convey what i think you were trying to convey. obv this is just one issue, there are plenty of others that i dont feel nearly as equipped to discuss, in this and her other books. and while i will always enjoy her prose and try to go in w good faith, certainly no one is infallible.

[skatingbi]

Sighs...my taste in manga has evolved. Time for Kagurabachi

Also I cant sleep bc i have an interview in 11 hours so take this unedited contribution to the fandom

CW: Hakuri's childhood trauma and PTSD, descriptions of PTSD triggers and Anxiety

Hakuri cut his hair.

In hindsight (10 seconds ago) it was a stupid, impulsive decision made out of sheer anguish, anger, sadness, grief, and emotional instability. In all fairness, it was only the longer part of his hair, the part he wrapped with a ribbon to keep together and out of his face. He cut it too short, though. Now, it's choppy and anyone can see from a mile away that he cut them with paper scissors he found in a drawer near the kitchen.

He doesn't really remember how he got here, only that he looked in the mirror. He saw his siblings staring back at him, disappointed, disgusted, apathetic towards him and then he felt the bruises that have since been long gone from his skin. He felt the crooked fingernails, the bones improperly healed in his hands shaking from how tense he got so quickly.

He felt fear.

Now, his hair is choppy on one side. Tears well up even more and he realizes that he's been crying. Looking in the mirror again, it's just him, the scissors, his red face and puffy eyes staring back and his god awful haircut.

He hears the front door open and close and in a stupid attempt to hide himself he slams the bathroom door shut. Shortly after locking it, he hears Chihiro's voice amongst everyone else's usual chatter.

"Hakuri?" He calls out, and he feels his footsteps grow closer. Hakuri's hands tremble, dropping the scissors. He doesnt know what to do. He knows Chihiro wont get mad, maybe Char will laugh at his hair for a bit. Unfortunately, his rational mind hasnt caught up yet. Its far behind in the race to claw out the hair from the sink and throw it in the small trash bin in the corner. Theres a knock at the bathroom door and Hakuri jumps at the sudden noise.

"Hakuri? You okay?" Chihiro asks, voice laced with concern through the door. It takes a moment for Hakuri to try and compose himself, clearing his throat enough to reply, "Yeah-Yeah I'm fine!"

Chihiro clearly doesnt buy it, "You dont sound okay," The door knob rattles softly, "Can you open the door?"

Hakuri shakes his head before he realizes he needs to speak, backing away from the door, but then deciding against it with how rough his vocal cords feel, "I...I messed up, Chihiro," He admits, another sob escaping him before he can stop it.

"I'm not hurt! Promise! I just-just messed up and it looks bad and I dont want you to judge me."

Silence stretches for only a few seconds, and Hakuri swears he hears Chihiro's breathing through the door.

"Hakuri, I swear to you I will not judge," Chihiro's voice is low and reassuring, more than Hakuri believes he's deserving of right now, "Let me in?"

He doesnt know how Chihiro can just give promises like that to him when theyre so rare. Its a moment of raw vulnerability that he's displaying, all for the sake of making sure Hakuri is okay. The ugly part of him tells him he doesnt deserve it, that he's better off staying locked in the bathroom and telling Chihiro to leave. That rational part of him knows it wont work, that its not true because the man on the other side of that door believes he deserves more.

He unlocks the door, but cant bring himself to open it, so Chihiro meets him halfway and slowly opens the door to enter the bathroom, closing it behind him before looking up.

Theres a longer stretch of silence, Chihiro's expression doesnt show any hint of what Hakuri is looking for. He's indifferent, but thats his normal look. He watches with ingrained perceptiveness as the other's eyes dart around cautiously before landing on the evidence of his unfortunate haircut and mental breakdown.

"Ah, you cut your hair." Thats all chihiro says before bending down to pick up the scissors, placing them on the sink's counter carefully. Hakuri can only stare at the floor and nod. He can feel tears threatening to form again and now he feels like crying for two reasons instead of one. His head hurts.

Theres a hand on his shoulder, thumb just barely touching his neck and Hakuri has to fight back the instinct to run. Chihiro notices, but his hand stays right where it is as a soothing presence amist the last dregs of his breakdown plaguing his brain.

"Its not that bad, you just need to even it out," Chihiro states, "I can cut it for you, if you want." The offer stands as an out for Hakuri. Chihiro does those a lot, where he'll offer to do something for him but give him the verbal reassurance that he can leave or say no whenever he wants to. He considers it for a moment, before squashing down his shame and giving a shallow nod.

"Stay here, I'll get proper scissors." Then Chihiro disappears from the room.

Hakuri sits on the toilet lid in the meantime, exhaustion slowly creeping in as he starts to remember bits and pieces of the episode. He remembers Shiba telling him about how some people have them when they're healing from trauma of some kind. Lately, he's had more than usual, mostly at night in his nightmares or when he's so anxious he cant sleep and has to pace around the tiny room to tire himself out.

He remembers Shiba telling him about what exactly he's going through, too.

"Its called PTSD. A lot of people have it, especially because of the war. Make no mistake, though, kid. Anyone can have it, and its a bitch to deal with, but eventually you learn how to live in spite of it."

That conversation was mentally taxing, he thinks. He wonders if this is a part of that, too. Could he have stopped it? Been normal? Or maybe he could have fought back, even if it ended in something miraculously worse than mental scars.

He doesn't hear Chihiro enter the room again, but he does make his presence obvious by standing in front of him, startling Hakuri from his thoughts.

"If you change your mind, even halfway through, just tell me," Chihiro whispers as he kneels down before Hakuri.

"Okay, I promise," He whispers back, voice shaky once he feels calloused hands brushing through his hair. Chihiro gives him a small smile, one of those rare ones that never see the light of day. For one quick moment Hakuri thinks about how he wants to see Chihiro smile more.

The hair cutting is simple, and Hakuri has to close his eyes unless he'd rather blink away the small bits of hair that fall onto his face. He sputters a bit when some get in his mouth and it makes Chihiro huff whats his own version of a laugh, just a small puff of air what would be seen as mild sarcasm to most people. It feels like hours of Chihiro's hands carding through his hair, his hands gently brushing the hair away from his eyes, the sound of scissors snipping through the choppy bits of Hakuri's remnants of what he remembers seeing in the mirror.

He opens his eyes when Chihiro puts down the scissors, and is met with the man's own eyes staring. He doesn't want to look away yet. When he's letting his guard down, even for a fraction of a second, there's a softness to him that's impossible to ignore. Hakuri wants to take it in, maybe even ingrain it into his mind like a polaroid for him to keep forever. He doesn't want to look in the mirror yet and Chihiro wont ask him to.

"Thank you," He murmurs, still looking at Chihiro and the deep red eyes that crinkle minutely. He notices then that maybe Chihiro has been smiling more than he thought.

"Are you feeling alright enough to leave the bathroom?" Chihiro asks, standing and offering a hand that Hakuri takes so he stands with him.

"Yeah. I think so," He yawns, "Tired though."

"Thats okay, I'll let the others know not to disturb you." Hakuri nods in acknowledgement. Chihiro guides Hakuri to leave the bathroom with him and doesnt leave his side until Hakuri is lying on his futon in their tiny shared room that they're borrowing from Hinao.

Once comfortable with the sheets up to his chin and facing Chihiro, who stands in the doorway still, he smiles. It's a small one, tired and grateful for the other's presence and help through an ugly moment.

"Hakuri?" Chihiro's voice betrays his's stoic expression.

"Yeah?" His own voice wavers, too.

"If you ever have an episode again and need help, call for me or Shiba." Chihiro says, setting his voice so there's no room for negotiation. He's serious, and that rattles Hakuri a little.

"Okay, I will," He answers back, hoping to gain the bravery to ask for help for something like this. Chihiro nods and shuts the door behind him shortly after leaving.

[juni-ravenhall]

we played the quest now and mostly its just like. all these recent quests are at the quality as if a child wrote them but that feels like an insult to child authors. imagine if any other game at this price point (!) put out main story updates at this quality and this playtime per month(s).....

more specific commentary under here

the dark riders still dont feel like actual villains or threats to me at all, due to the rushed and stupid way they were introduced after their design updates, combined with how bad the writing is. i feel like im just chewing on a tasteless gum when i play this. but thats an insult to gum. its very nothing. its neither dramatic nor funny nor meaningful in any way.

the writing and timing is so bad that nothing holds any real dramatic weight. i didnt feel anything about maya getting zapped - i assume shes fine tho??? - obviously yes its harmful to choose to hurt the lesbians rather than literally anyone else and its worth criticising bc ppl need to stop making oppressed characters suffer more than the not-oppressed, but also just the whole thing is handled so badly that i can barely even care bc its so fucking stupid that nothing holds any weight. at this point anything any of the charas says and does just feels completely empty.

like you could just have mr sands collapse to the ground from a heart attack in the middle of the dialogue and sabine say "lol loser" and it wouldnt even feel especially out of place in the current quality of writing and storytelling.

it was fun to see darko and sands again just because we have more relation to darko as a villain than any of the dark riders. the same way i am way more interested in ms drake or mr anwir (rip i guess) than i am in the dark riders bc they were sooo badly included in the story and then suddenly now theyre everywhere and talk all the time as if we know them and as if theyve been a consistent villain. i am way more interested in any other npc than in the dark riders, i have more emotional connection to ed field than i have to katja. bc they were not written into the story properly. this is a continuous frustration i have reading any main story updates.

anyway the erissa race was just.... fine. this is supposed to be a kind of mini boss moment in other games. however, due to my horse not being fed (a system that sse designed) i rode quite slow which in itself takes away drama, but also, the race just felt really.... nothing, again. its not bad... its just nothing. the floating objects in the forest were cool, and the yarn stuff is cute (tho i dont feel anything about this design bc again she and her design is just thrown at me with no buildup - like - a character having a theme that you build up a connection to, is not happening here), but it doesnt feel like an important race or like a mini boss, its just.... ok i went here and now i went there. why tho. how did this matter.

it wasnt a difficult enough race in any way that it felt like challenging gameplay (mini boss fight) and ive said before, yes sure there are 8yo players who never played a game before and need it to be relatively easy - but this can be achieved in other ways than forcing *all* players to play a really dumb easy race, and its also not consistent throughout the game - sometimes a race is randomly kinda hard, other times its something you could do blindfolded, but without any consistent relation to where when and why the race takes place.

normally in games, battles/races/whatever would get more and more challenging as the story goes on, as levels go up, as new mechanics get introduced, as player skill and experience grows.

but yeah i just really hate the story quests at this point. theyre empty. theyre badly written. they are forgettable and dont hold the dramatic weight theyre supposed to. they feel random and disconnected from the rest of the game we played until a couple years ago. the characters and stuff are just handled so badly. the story and lore is confusing and hard to understand. its a mess.

all of this would be fine if sso was a game you play for free. it would be fine if it was a game that cost 10 dollars. it would be fine if it had microtransactions that were like, 1-3 dollars here and there, not 30 dollars here and there to afford two items or one horse or whatever.

i wouldnt judge it so harshly for this bad quality in the story quests (the writing, the storytelling and lore, the characters, the gameplay, the animations, the models and designs, the feeling of making progress as a player....) if the game was overall as cheap as its quests are.

[bfwonho]

AITA but i dont wanna use reddit

ok you know what here is the situation. my (only recently) 20 yr old friend (i met them four years ago when we both worked at mcd) lived with their strict, emotionally abusive, overprotective parents until recently. their parents would confiscate tech for yrs at a time, wouldn't let them get vaccinated (i had to help them do that), guilt and shame them, etc. also obviously homophobic and my friend is transfem nb and queer. theyre also the eldest sibling of quite a few and had to handle the pressure of that responsibility and their parents never wanted them to do normal things like getting a car and moving out. i was always there encouraging them even when we stopped working together bc i was like fuck this naive gullible homeschooled kid has no one and they remind me of my younger sibling and im gonna be there for them as much as i can. the only reason they even got a car eventually is cus i kept telling them to so they cld move out

cut back to barely a year ago, they're still so naive and gullible they've lent like 1k+ to ppl who won't pay them back, but they still have like 10-20k in savings and now their own car. they also get into digital art with my help and get into furry porn or whatever. im like ok i guess ur an adult now do what u want. and then theyre like "ive got an online partner from CANADA!!! (we r australian) don't freak out i know it's bad but he's 30." i'm like oh god. they've been together 3 months ish and my friend RLY wants to visit their fuckass boyfriend and i'm like please be careful, please wait at least a year, i know u wont wanna listen to how i rly feel about this but at least just take these precautions. i'm also like when you do meet irl he should come here ur barely 19 and he's 30 like it only makes sense. and theyre like "thank u i promise i will do that"

and then maybe 10 or 11 months into their relationship i find out my friend is in canada with their bf, and has been for like a month, and i only know this bc they're asking if i can pick them up from sydney airport. im like errr that's pretty far away but take the train and i'll pick you up from the station and they're like ok sure! and i ask a bit more about it and find out they believe their parents have been hacking into their laptop because why else would they be suspicious that this canadian guy is their boyfriend, i'm like actually no offense but it's really fucking obvious i don't think they did that... and they're like "yeah anyway my parents are no longer picking me up which is why i need a lift, i admitted i have a boyfriend and they're calling him a pedo (and i almost agree but i just smile and nod) and so i'm not going back and taking their bs anymore, i'm gonna sleep in my car if i have to" so i offer for them to stay at my place for a few weeks.

they go get their stuff from their place, i buy them a pizza cus they havent had dinner, i help them get their stuff inside, set up a temporary bed. they tell me they plan to be out within a few days, i tell them they can stay longer if they need to, but currently their only job is doordash and they should focus on getting a real job so they can find a place and i'm more than happy to help them find somewhere. theyre the type of person to say sorry for everything and not let themselves ever feel comfortable, so i make sure they know they can use the kitchen and bathroom and everything while they're here and to not feel like a huge burden, im gonna be charging them a tiny bit of rent anyway so yeah.

now tell me why it's been over a month, they've applied to only a few places, i specifically put in a good word with them at my job and told them to call back and ask about the application and they just haven't, they've just been doordashing and filling my entire fridge and cupboard with their food, i tell them to use the laundromat cus we don't have enough space for their washing too and they end up asking if they can use our washing machine anyway (i reluctantly say yes), they destroy all my kitchen sponges on washing this one shitty pan i have cus they have to cook an entire grand meal from scratch for breakfast lunch and dinner, they wash up but i'm the only person who cleans the floors and the bathroom so now i'm feeling cramped and stressed out...

i ask my mum about what to do, she says give them 2 weeks to move out, my mum is a guarantor on my lease so in the group chat i explain the situation and say they have 2 weeks, they NEVER RESPOND and start not coming home until late at night... i'm considering moving into another place with a friend atp so i'm like yo maybe you can get on this lease and THEN they respond and start showing up again... and today i called and updated mum on the situation and her partner got on the phone, me and my sibling only got this place cus he apparently called in a favour cus we were rly struggling to find any fucking housing, and so he says "tell him i mean THEMMM if theyre not out tomorrow i will forcibly remove them" and so my sibling makes sure to tell them this face to face so they cant avoid actually responding. i also find out today that this whole time they've been flat broke (to the point they had to borrow my money just to get petrol despite doordashing like 40 hours a week) because they HAVE BEEN HELPING. PAY. THEIR GROWN ASS. SHITTY FUCKING USELESS. PARTNERS. RENT. THIS GROWN ASS MAN NOT ONLY HAD THEM PAY TO GO SEE HIM AND SUCK HIM OFF AND COOK FOR HIM. NOT ONLY WAS LETTING THEM GO BACK TO AUSTRALIA AND JUST BE HOMELESS. BUT HE IS ACTIVELY TAKING THEIR FUCKING MONEY. despite all of this i am deep down INCREDIBLY GLAD that my mum's partner put his foot down to get them out of my house and i feel guilty about it despite risking eviction cus im breaking my lease agreement by having them here loooll

tldr my 20 yr old friend has been living in my house illegally for over a month bc they refuse to go back to their shitty parents, they are however broke and don't have a stable job and their 30 yr old boyfriend is leeching off of them, and now i'm essentially kicking them out of my place within 2 days because my own housing security is at risk

[ge]

can I hear more abt your trans chung myung thoughts please

.

HEHE ANYTHING FOR YOU MY ANGELS... trans chung myung is like my number one, most well loved & personal, firmest hc evur.. no matter what he is always trans to me idk..he is like the most trans character ive ever seen its sooo real to me.. ive said it once ill say it again, chung myungs lore is literally impact by his transsexualism and im the only one who sees it.. if u get it u get it... a little cw for minor transphobia out of ignorance, not prejudice..⬇️

i always imagined that chung myung knew he was trans since he was very young, like 'beginning to comprehend words and what they mean' young.. he always got angry and aggressive when his sect siblings called him young lady or samae, sajeo, etc, lashing out even at elders to the point hed get in trouble over it... i think pretty quickly everyone figured out if they just 'humoured' him, he'd get over whatever phase he was in and stop being so troublesome, so they did.. at first they began using more masculine terms and honourifics in a 'wink wink nudge' indulgent kind of way but they noticed as he got older, he started inserting himself into more male dominated spaces, even going so far as to bathe and groom himself w the other male disciples

at first it kind of set off red flags for everyone who were still under the impression chung myung was still just going through his little 'phase' but i think chung mun was the first who stepped up and actually ASKED chung myung about it.. he pulls chung myung to the side one day and asks WHY chung myung keeps doing the things he does and chung myung frowns and says because im a boy sahyung..DUH.. chung myung explains the best he can but bc he doesnt really know how to articulate himself on these matters (doesnt know any other trans people or experiences outside of his own and cant put it into words properly) and bc chung mun is cis, chung mun is still a little confused but now he understands chung myung isnt like..joking about this, or going through some sort of phase.. he seemed genuinely put out and upset when implied chung mun didnt understand him so from that day forward chung mun very firmly introduces chung myung to everyone in the sect as their littlest brother and that was pretty much that..

it probably took some people a while to wrap their head around, but because i dont want anyone in mt hua to be transphobic LOL they all understand and accept chung myung as their new baby brother pretty quickly and soon they dont even bat an eye seeing him train topless or bathe w the rest of the guys, doing other guy dominated activities, etc.. when he got older it was just normalized that one of their brothers had boobs..literally nobody gaf theyre REAL trans allies.. mount hua most PROGRESSIVE MARTIAL ARTS SECT

also majorly hc chung myung does not have any bodily dysphoria/morphia and is perfectly fine w the way he looks, especially after he gets older and starts building lots of muscle, so he never undergoes any gender affirming surgeries but he does take wuxia testosterone pills.. cuz i think the idea of wuxia magic hormone pills is hilarious and awesome

ive also put some thought into whether cho sams body would be trans or cis, because either could be interesting.. i feel like if cho sam were cis it would actually invoke body image issues and dysphoria in chung myung, having been thrust into a body so unfamiliar & alien to him than the one he spent the most time living in and caring for.. i dont really think too much in depth about this tho so my thoughts on it are pretty vague.. is cho sam cis or trans? (shrugs) up to you!

ummm *scratches ass* i cant think of anything else to say.. trans chung myung is so awesomesauce and i love projecting my own transmasc wants and desires onto him and into a world that accepts and loves him for who he is.. i have more thoughts about his relationship w tang bo and the world around them and how they view him but those are a little more personal and nuanced so i wont get into all dat.... when rotmhs gets more popular i hope trans chung myung hc blows up cuz its sooo real... something something chung myungs reincarnation into cho sam is a trans allegory

[intertexts]

ALSO OOPS I DONT THINK I EVER SENT YOU THE TRIVIA FOR 27?????? UH OH. OUT OF ORDER. this one is a lot shorter though so it's ok

EPISODE 27 TRIVIA:

- bizly opens this one in a baby voice "wewcome to just wolled wiff it!" absolutely insane

- charlie makes excuses for his cracked energy was because he was in the UK and tommy and ranboo were in the other room (TOMMYINNIT JUMPSCARE)

- Jesus is canon yet again. but only in vyncents world

- CONDI THOUGHT HAMSTER DANCE WAS A UNIVERSAL EXPERIENCE AT MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCES. and not just like. a youtube video that everyone knows. they played hamster dance at his middle school dance.

- speaking of which they've been overlorded again because the hamster WAS NOT ORIGINALLY A HAMSTER bizly did that solely because he has never heard hamster dance and wanted to be in on the joke

- charlie gets so worked up over the william short leg thing again and it's REALLY funny. bizly is like "I'll stop bringing it up when you stop having hilarious overreactions to it"

- "why the fuck did william make ice copies of dakotas parents that's so dark man"

"HE DIDNT MEAN IT TO BE !!!!! i think william is not very emotionally intelligent especially when it comes to stuff like this and he wanted to do something sweet for dakota. 'i know. Christmas is a great time for him to see his parents again because it's family and it'll make him happy!' without thinking about the moral implications OR the fact that they would come alive and try to strangle him"

grizzly: "dakota probably doesn't even remember Christmas with his parents"

charlie, REALLY far away from his mic: "WELL FUCK ME THEN"

- that was CONFIRMED mal trying to brwak through the barrier! charlie is TERRIFIED for williams sake especially bc he can't use his powers anymore

- condi: "hes pissed william isn't a planeswalker anymore and thats all he wanted you for"

charlie: "yknow! I dunno if william is a planeswalker anymore! he might not be!"

- WILLIAM WAS ACTUALLY BORN WITH A POWER!!!!! I forgot about this omg. so the one he was born with is called true sight and it means he's always been naturally able to see ghosts and monsters that normal people usually can't. YIPPEE

- he's also still got Kemuri's (smoke guy) powers obv ("that he regrets deeply every day"). they ARE in the spirit world and usually william wouldn't need a guide but since the wisps left him their guide is now master cole! if he were to leave/abandon them or whatever they'd no longer be able to stay in the spirit world. even william

- there are full versions of the colestyle gaming videos hidden somewhere on the patreon. fun fact. they're also talking about now doing one where william plays phasmophobia. or doing one with all 4 of them playing a game and bizly being tide. i don't think they ever actually did that but GOD i would kill for it.

- charlie was being annoying and grizzly responded with "I hope william stays alive *forever*" which sounds like it should be a nice thing to say but the way he said it was so absolutely scathing . brutal.

- quick mac detour theyre back to the game thing charlie says he wants to do a video playing elden ring as gillion and i NEED THAT SOOOO BAD. I miss gillion so much :(

- speaking of gillion idk why there's so much gillion trivia rn but charlie says the inspiration for his voice was "a combination of the spongebob narrator and my himbo fantasy" hello?

HOW HAS BIZLY NEVER HEARD HAMSTER DANCE??????????? yes this is what i'm taking from this. hello. how.

im so delighted w/ william thinking it's a great idea to make ice copies of his friends dead parents. god. NONE of the fucking prime defenders are emotionally intelligent they all have so many problems. prime traumatic stress defenders!!

ive said it like a billion times but i'm so fucking excited for the mal shit!!! i can't waittt!!!!! shaking him back n forth!!! wiwi torment nexus now!!!! also him being born with true sight is REALLY cool actually i feel like. this has been referenced on n off but i didn't realize it was actually a thing.. huh. i wonder if that's why the wisps targeted him. except their entire thing Is being seen so i dunno.!! cool... god. wiwi i love u wiwi... i want to go to deadwood i have so many fucking questions!!! why is the trickster there!! rift between worlds thats just coincidentally in his hometown!!! also i was just thinking ab kemuri's smoke powers im so glad he still feels awful using them :]] "i hope william stays alive forever" MEAN TO HIM!!! holy shit!!! wheezing!!

im gonna have a great time w gillion whenever i get around 2 riptide btw thats so funny. help. spogebob narrator himbo fantasy........

[hauntedwizardmoment]

Ok now that you’ve brought it up the concept of Bluejay being Jaceporter’s live in boyfriend / awkward weird little house guest enmeshed in the jaceporter toxicity in Jace + the Jacesverse is so funny and I can’t stop thinking abt it. Finally please get blue in a situation where he’s not waiting on their hand and foot. And yet it’s still fucked in a different way <3

its SO GOOD bc it's like. what if j2 from cloneverse was right and there really WAS a secret good version of the torment nexus. but also there wasnt. also sorry this got long

so timeline vaguely is that first jaceporter get together, and so do lj3. and bluejay is the sole remainder. so he tries dating briefly but the spotlight is too much for any of his non-famous partners, and the famous people interested in him want the stage version of him, this bright-eyed ingenue who is so naive and innocent and virginal, and he hasnt been that for years, come on guys. its especially apparent with the older men who want him. porter is like a toned-down version of this atp because he's fronting as semi-normal to not scare j2 too much.

anyways. he's single, very pretty, and a little lonely bc jace and porter do a lot to keep him insulated from the world that is Too Harsh for their little songbird. theyre always over at his apartment to keep him company (preventing him from making friends outside of the jaceporter-approved circle), they run his social media and screen his calls and emails (restricting who he talks to), and they whisk him off on little adventures all the time (controlling where he is and who he's with).

and so j2's brain is Deeply cooked. he's so enmeshed. he thinks this is them taking care of him, and isnt that so kind of them when they dont have to? they should be spending this time with each other but instead theyre with him, always helping him and paying attention to him. (subtly, jace is like "see how we're here and ellie and j3 aren't? we're the only ones who actually care about you")

ofc the next recording cycle rolls around and so j2 is like. well you guys always come over to my place why dont i come over to yours this time. and he only means to stay for a couple of days. but he and jace have such a clear vision of what the next album should be and they end up spending an entire week in jace's home recording studio and crank out a double album's worth of demos to bring to ellie and j3. and theyre INCREDIBLY good is the thing. they'll go on to be remembered as some of the band's best songs.

and at the end of the week j2's like "well i dont want to overstay my welcome" and jace is like "oh youre not overstaying at all, why dont we celebrate? we did such a good job we deserve this" and j2 is like "okay!" and he spends another week at jace's house getting railed by him and porter w/ brief breaks to shower and eat something.

atp ellie comes looking because she hasnt heard from j2 in two weeks and comes to jace and porter's home like "where IS he. i know you have him" and jace is like "i'm not his keeper why are you asking me" (j2 is in the master bedroom w/ porter being handfed breakfast) and hands ellie the flashdrive full of demos and is like "here we worked on this, give it a listen and get back to me" and slams the door in her face before going back to j2 and porter.

and during this time. i think bluejay confides in them that sometimes he feels lonely. and theyre like "well why don't you move in? so youre not so alone in that apartment of yours." so he DOES. cue even more enmeshment and getting a front row seat to jace and porter's couples drama. plus finding out that porter's been screwing over the band in their contract and jace knows about it and is enabling him. but he's not telling ellie or j3 this because well. it's not like they cared about him enough to stop breathing into each others' mouths for five seconds.

[enlighten3d]

WELLL claps hand together

the story is about these teenagers trying stop an evil cult from destroying the entire multiverse, so they go to different dimensions to stop their evil ways. Also they are teenagers so they have to deal with personal angst, family issues, morality, school ect ect while trying to stop the cult leader and their right hand men

Caroline is technically the main character of my story, she is basically the bubbly, positive one of the group. Her family is rich as hell, they used to live in Taiwan as successful business people but they moved to America because they wanted to make more money. Her family doesn’t really like her and they emotionally and physically neglect her since she came out as a transgender girl and her older sister is kind of a coward and doesn’t stand up for her (fun times)

anyway she ends up having to do a group assignment with her childhood friend which she kind of drifted apart from (Andie) and some punk girl she probably has a crush on (Mimi), they eventually end up in an abandoned house and find out that their town is run by an evil cult that can teleport to different dimensions. So they feel guilty enough to stop it.

they think the best course is to beat the 7 plane hoppers who are in the way to kill the main cult leader, the stag. though out the whole thing Caroline is basically pushing through by toxic positivity saying everything is alright even though they have killed many people, she also kind of convinced herself that this is a video game and is probably more okay about sacrificing people and herself (for the better good)

Also her sister possessed during her 17th birthday party for funsies

HIII SO RRYYY IM ONLY GETTING SROUNF TO THIS NOW falls over and dies

thank you for the food that is oc lore, i am eating it om nom nom

that all sounds FUCKING AMAZING ACTUALLY. cults ?? universal travel bullshit ????? all while dealing with normal teenage bs ?? thats beautiful. poor little guys. they need a break. i CANNOT imagine trying to exist as a teenager while trying to take down a cult qyehdjdkkdks

dont worry.. your eldritch horror loves you... i am so glad to know that ! /silly

..fuck her family ! they can rot ! caroline )): you dont deserve any of this..

THAT MUSTVE BEEN A REVELATION ?? WOAH ?? just. doing a school project and ope government is a cult (/hyp)... insane

i actually fucking love the whole like. unwilling chosen one Vibe to all of this ?? yes theyre not chosen nor are they truly unwilling but. the Vibe is the same. the guilt (on thier part) is real...

caroline. love. youre fucked up. just like me frfr. agh thats. so cool tho ?? 'EVERYTJING IS FINE, ALL OF THIS IS A GAME !!' and ljke. fuck thats such a fun thing in fiction when a character copes using that ?? its the perfect level of fucked up bcs it rlyyy drives rhe point home and. im giving them all a shock blanket okay ?

oh boy !! thats fun !! poor sister..

what does the cult worship‽‽ i am so fucking curious..

lso like, whats the difference between each plane? is it an alternate reality sorta situation where things are relatively the same but Different, or is it judt flatout. different EVERYTHING (people, laws of physics, all that jazz)?? or somewhere in between or outside of this ofc.

do all the plane hopper guys like.. stay in different universes and have a branch of the cult established there..

why does the cult run the town in the first place ? was it a thing where like. they wrre the original settlers but then the town expanded aorund and beyond the cult ?? or did they move in and do a slow takeover.....

fuck i have so many questions /pos

this is. so cool. i love the Vibes. theyre so... Impending.. ahdjskdisjjdjsks